Casadias food

F20 SW-220 CW-205 GW-150 5'6 LW- 148 (please excuse my grammar my English sucks)
15 pounds down ~6kg down
Just like what the title says, the past month was the most enjoyable month I've had. I'll split everything so if you want to jump to parts i got you. I know its long but half of me is writing this for myself. Hopefully, whoever reads this relates and doesn't feel alone.
Before the First Month of Serious Change:
After reflecting on the past two years I realized I was ignoring my current state. I started listening to LukeNarwal. When someone on Reddit said that they would eat a lot of food and then hide the evidence I paused for a moment with a taco bell burrito in one hand driving in the other, and a whole bag of tacos, burritos, and a casadia sitting right next to me. Knowing dang well by the end of my 20-minute drive I will hide the bag under my seat. Just like the person in the video. That's really when I realized that maybe I am much deeper than I thought I was. I waste $99 a month on a gym membership i got a year ago swearing up and down that I would go 7 times a month. But never do. Wasting money on food and unused gym membership. I got sick of being sick, and couldn't look at myself anymore.
So, I started slow. I stopped going to taco bell near my work. Then the Mcdonald's near my school. In the end, I would only go to Mcdonald's for fries after class, not to order the whole menu. From going every day to 3-4 times a month.
Then I began building a Pinterest board of all the healthy foods I want to eat, and exercises I can do at home, and got myself a gym buddy. Then I built an album for past photos of me and one for progress photos.
With all of the reflecting and new exposure, I came to this conclusion: The point isn't trying to see how much weight I lose on a diet, rather, it's how great and happy I feel building a new lifestyle.
With that, I took new progress photos of myself and an exciting first step to my new life!
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The First Month
In March I was 220, in November 210, and now 205. Now, I know for one month losing 5 pounds doesn't seem like a lot. But TRUST me when I say taking good progress photos goes a LONG way. This past month I cut down on fast food and junk food. Only eating it on special occasions. But most importantly I did CICO and started to work out!!!!
I would constantly be at 208 to 206 then back up to 208 for weeks! Lowest I hit was 204 I would feel horrible knowing that i haven't lost that much. However, I would compare the 207 from two months ago progress photos and see a HUGE difference. That's why proper eating and exercise are so important!!!! Every Monday morning I would take new progress photos, and record my measurements. When I feel down or want to eat (not actually hungry) I look back and compare my current weight to photos from months ago. It makes sense because I am gaining muscles so that's probably why the scale isn't moving.
I built the habit of eating slowly and stopping when full. It was hard, but we are there now! Because of CICO and past history of not being able to restrict myself, I literally ate what I wanted. BUT! I kept in mind that these foods are not going to disappear and I can have them at a later DATE (not once I hit 150). I even order small instead of larger like boba drinks. My calorie range for the day is 1400-1500 and sometimes I forget to log food.
Could I have lost more weight if I cut off sugar and carbs? Yes. Would I have lasted this long and happy? NO.
Now for exercise, I started to go to planet fitness once a week with a friend. And sometimes once a week at orange theory maybe 3 times a month. Nonetheless, exercising really did help. I am happy!!
In the end, I went back to the old photos and put on the clothes i wore that day. The difference showed. I could button up the dress, zip up the pants, and have little trouble with the zipper of dresses!!!
I aimed to lose 10 pounds in November and landed with 5. But looking at the results, I couldn't be happier. I now love going to the gym, trying on clothes, and looking at myself. If anything Im more motivated.
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WHAT HELPED AND WISH I KNEW FROM THE VERY FIRST DAY OF MY 7 YEAR LONG JOURNEY
1- FACE YOURSELF. Look at yourself look at where you are now and do not turn away. Accept it, reflect, and change. If you can't admit what you are doing is unhealthy and wrong you won't get no where. Admit you're overweight, admit you're sad, admit you hate yourself. Now that's out the way it's time to grow and move on.
2- PROGRESS PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!! Progress photos are a lifesaver. Like I said my scale didn't budge and always went up and down, HOWEVER! The progress photos showed me (especially my back) that there IS progress being done. 207 before exercise and 207 after are two different people.
3-Mentality. What helped me is knowing that im not on a diet but rather on the track to having a happier and healthier life.
4- Exposure. I don't mean running naked in the streets but joining communities listening to others' stories and learning! LukeNarwal brought me to this Reddit community and the stories he said helped me with facing myself. It also help me know that the negative feelings and how people treated me is something we all have gone through in our journey. It SUCKS but it's comforting to know I'm, not the only one. _finallyallison on Instagram was a huge motivation as well.
5- What Works What WDoesnt - I knew that cutting off all my favorite food will not end well with me. Talking to myself like I would a child helps me make healthier decisions and remind me that these foods won't suddenly go away. I can eat them at a later DATE.
6- Have goalS- Have a small and big goals in mind. My big goal is 140 but my smaller goal is 200. Having small achievements is super helpful!
Background:
When I was 12 that's when my parents and relatives would bark at me to lose weight comments like "you're getting bigger don't be like X who is huge and fat." I was starting puberty so ... yeah. Not to mention how social media began to boom. I'd compare myself to the fake skinny women online. I think that's when my body dysmorphia really started because I would look back and be like "I was healthy and my weight wasn't bad what was I thinking?" Even though I was CONVINCED at the time.
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Like everyone else, I went through some traumatic sht and used food to cope. I am religious and self-harm and suicide are considered a sin. So, I would eat until it hurts and repeat. When I would get into fights with my parents I would eat because I knew them watching me eat and get bigger made them mad. Even though it hurt. However 2022 and 2022 I would get incredible stomach pain and nausea before and after I ate, woke up, and went to bed. This continued for about a year.
Then fall semester of 2021 and winter of 2022 I was in my most depressive state and gained 40 pounds in the span of 2 months. When I was overwhelmed with emotions I would drop a total of 2,000 calories worth of processed food in one sitting.
My mom would take me to the gym but I would hate going for numerous reasons. I stopped going to dinners and religious events because I didn't want my mom and I to fight over my weight and how much I gained.
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Previous Weight Loss Journey:
You'd think after all these years I would learn how to control my diet and eat better. Well! No! I tried numerous diets that lasted 2-4 days. Keto, paleo, Meditrianin, water fasting, and intermittent fasting, Out of them all intermittent fasting is the best one I've been on despite doing it for a week.
As you can see no DIET stuck to me that long because in the past three years I gained a whopping 40 pounds

I just felt like sharing. I had come back home after being rushed out of my house for a carbon dioxide scare. Our alarms where going off. The next day I had to come back (after finding out it was safe) and get ready for work. Well, as you can imagine me and my little brother had a rough night so I offered to buy him breakfast. I went to a place to eat and got him chicken and cheese casadia (Mexican food) and on my way home I remembered he can't have chicken because he's vegetarian and I felt bad. Then I get home, balancing the casadia and enchilada plate in one hand and the laptop case in the other. I get to the table, loose my balance and drop my enchiladas and they fall out of the container into the plastic bag it's inside of. I turn around and knock over a cup of tea also on the table with my hand and it spills on my laptop case. At this point something in my mind just twitched (like a tingle) and I picked up the bag of soggy enchiladas and started smashing them with my fists. I then threw a fork as hard as I could at a cabinet and started screaming as loud as I could, covering my ears when I scream because I hate loud noise. I then start balling uncontrollably to the point where it's a laugh. My brother comes home and says "I sound stupid" and gives me shit for trying to do something nice.
Another incident happened the night before when I could not find my last pair of headphones (the others had broken) and I went into a panic because I really wanted to go on a walk with my headphones in and I refused to sit down until I found them. I could not so I got my switchblade and started cutting at my left shoulder because I couldn't process the emotions. I ended up with three gashes on my left shoulder. I NEED my headphones throughout the day they are like a comfort. Even when I was a kid when I'd get in trouble my mom would not allow my dad to take my headphones. He could ground me from anything else but my mom always defended the fact that i absolutely needed headphones. I also have this inner dialogue I talk to in my head all day and night and it never goes away, it could be people I talked to two hours or two years ago. I never stop thinking. Anyways I just thought I would share.
Does anybody have any sort of input ? My mom was talking to me yesterday and she said I might not be bipolar but my SPD might be affecting me. I am about to be 20yrs old.

We eat a lot of spicy food and curries since my husband is from pakistan. My 7 year old isn't into any of it but I hate to always have to make extra food. One way I feed him the same chicken/beef that is in a spicy curry is to wash it off in the sink. Tear it into bits and add some cheese and two tortillas. Pop it in the toaster oven and done! He loves it and sometimes I dress up his plate with carrot sticks and spour cream for the make shift casadia. Or I'll use the plain rice from dinner add frozen shrimp, frozen mixed veg and mix it together with a little soy sauce (maybe add in other spices or eggs) for a make shift shrimp fried rice. :)
My kid thinks I am some kind of magic chef and I come up with super low effort meals (using whatever the hell is on hand) because he won't eat what we eat.

For lunch today:
Casadias, Taco Salad, a whole plate of nachos for everyone to pick from, and if your sick of all the Mexican foods theres also burgers Sam grilled.
To drink:
Specials:
Moijitos
Sangria
....And then a whole assortment of beers, sodas and water.

I have always loved spicy food and once I discovered the habanero pepper, I was in love. The hot and sweet is a great combination, and I always use the seeds and pith. I was originally working on a base for cioppino, and it took awhile to find the perfect combination of flavors that would also dissolve well. I like HOT, so sure it could be adjusted to taste.
1 delicious pear, cubed and cored 2 golden plums, remove seed 1 large lemon, quartered 1 lb peeled garlic 1.5 lbs habanero peppers 1 tbsp salt lemon juice
Combine ingredients in blender and puree until homogenized (3-4 minutes). If it is too think to blend, try stirring with the unit off, and reblend. If it still won't mix, add a tablespoon of lemon juice at a time does. It should look like and have the consistency of a smoothie.
Once homogenized, pour into a Pyrex dish. Warning: Do NOT use metal or ceramic unless you want all future food cooked in that dish to come out spicy. Bake at 300 F° for 8-10 hours to dehydrate. Stir every hour or two to keep surface from burning. It is done when it is a dark caramel color and will hold a shape (like paste, but not sticky).
Make about 1qt. Refrigerates well up to 1 year.
For the cioppino I mixed two tbsp paste with a stick of melted butter. Bake until done and add cooked fish to water. No need to add anything else.
1 part paste with 1 part cream cheese on a tortilla and generous amounts of shredded chedder cheese and toasted with butter for an awesome casadia. Also goes well with shredded beef, chicken, pork.
One of my all time favorite creations was hot sauce with butter, feta cheese, and bacon, spread on homemade sour loaf, topped with minced grilled beef tenderloin (cooked in the bacon fat obviously), roasted garlic, parmesan, and sharp white cheddar. Broiled till brown.
1tsp to a bowl of ramen for a bit of a kick.
Oddly enough, enhances chocolate well. 1-2 tsp to a batch of brownies. A dash to some hot coco is extra soothing, or to coffee for an extra pickup (drinking coffee with coconut syrup and hot sauce right now. Yum!).
If you are a real heat freak, delicious simply spread on saltines and enjoy.
My favorite things about this hot sauce are that it keeps me from having to handle hot peppers every time I want to add some flavor to a dish, doesn't necessarily require anything but water for a good soup base, and yet goes well with sweet and savory... everything.
Feedback has generally been delicious or delicious and too hot. What do Reddit's fire eaters think?