It’s new (mini) set time and time for warlock, druid or rogue to break the game again. This time, Druid got left behind.
While glare is the new big kid on the block, the deck is preying on a meta that had a 35% of renathal decks before the miniset, and as that number go down and to a new equilibrium, i expect the deck will stabilize around a reasonable power level (i wouldn’t mind crystallizer to get deleted though so we can finally play questless glare like our Lord intended). Meanwhile, the meta shifts around make for a lot of decks becoming suddendly playable. Handbuff paladin, more reach based aggro and ice block decks even with a worse wincon than warp since tech is very hard to play in a glare meta. So anyway, after tuning some glare lists (strictly questless) i started trying some other things. This is my first attempt at a deck that has a decent position in the new meta Secret Arcane Hunter, also known as Custom Warlock 2:
2 x Arcane Shot 2 x Costumed Singer 2 x Ricochet Shot 2 x Shimmer Shot 2 x Trinket Tracker 2 x Bargain Bin 2 x Hidden Meaning 2 x Mad Scientist 2 x Silvermoon Farstrider 2 x ZOMBEES!!! 2 x Celestial Shot 1 x Cloaked Huntress 1 x Halduron Brightwing 2 x Eversong Portal 1 x Rinling Rifle 1 x Beastalker Tavish 2 x Starstrung Bow
No code cause i can’t copy it atm (i’m on my work pc, for my lawyer, this is a joke). The idea behind the deck is pretty simple: Early game play some minions, get some secrets up, and then lategame finish with buffed reach + bow. This deck can work because of an ok glare matchup (especially the more aggro 30 versions) and because it farm one of the popular glare counters (sorc mage, at least until they play performers and then you cri ev3rytime ). Some card choiches explanation: The arcane package without conjuring arrow: i don’t think we need the extra draw in this format, especially turn 6+. You get your secrets pretty consistently between singer and scientist, and then your secrets draw your bows and extra cards. This package has two purposes: it is reach vs glare and slower decks, and it’s board control vs aggro. It’s in fact the only way you win the aggro matchup, by getting early farstriders/haldurons into portal/ricochet. The secret package: the secrets i’m playing here are imho by far the best 6 you can play. You can tell they’re good because it’s not a warcrime to spend mana on them. Turn 2 bees contest a lot of aggro plays, turn 2 meaning is often a 3 drop with charge, and turn 2 bin is swindle without the combo requirement (don’t play it on 2 though, always tempo king). 6 secrets, 2 Singers and 2 Scientist feel perfect as a package. It’s good enough to make your bow cheap later on, it doesn’t dilute ur draw with too many secrets early on and both the tutors are acceptable as tempo plays as well (revert singer cowards). Rinling Rifle: the third weapon to improve bin, as well to discount your bows and get additional utility. I’ve liked it quite a bit. Tavish: generally good against a lot of things, plus gives you secrets. No Product 9: this feels instinctively a tad too slow to me. On turn 5 you may have easily only triggered a single secret, more often two, and two secrets that your opponent know of plus a 4/4 doesn’t look like premium to me. It would be much more interesting in a reno shell, where you get to the lategame more consistently and as such this could be a huge bomb, but in an aggro shell? Doubt. I’d rather play a single Huntress over it as the three-drop slot is a thin.
The mulligan: In general always keep the 1 drops into a curve, don’t keep secrets or cards that cost 4+ (rare exception, being on coin and having triple secret/double secret and singer + huntress is prob a keep). Keep farstrider vs aggro and try to toss everything into arcane spells (trinker tracker also ok obviously) to clear their early boards. What does it work against: - Glare is ok. Good reach. This matchup get worse the higher you go up on ladder. Quad digit glare is free. Triple digit is favored. Double digit is even-ish. High legend is unfavored but who cares. - Slow-ish decks are mostly ok. - Combo mages and druids (there are some dorian combos around) are usually free with the secrets combined with the pressure. What it does not work against: - Aggro me dood. These matchup are about early arcane package (farstrider into ricochet/eversong) to prevent snowballing and then hopefully you can race them. You can’t really stabilize here, they’re bad and drifter is ur worst enemy. - Huhunter. They usually kill a bit faster than you do. This is bad-ish, not terrible. - Handbuff pally with lot of heal. Healing is cheat! Bad healing! Bad! Sit down!
I’ve climbed pretty consistently with this but again can’t check stats as i’m on the move and i play only on phone. It has been feeling good and it’s something a bit different than what i’ve been playing lately. Hope you guys don’t play hearthstone and go outside this weekend.

Some background: He's (21M) my (21F) coworker. We've been working together since June of last year but didn't really start talking to each other until September. We were hitting it off during the fall but didn't get the chance to work together as much during the spring due to scheduling changes. I definitely liked him first. I'm honestly not sure what I did to get him to like me back; I'm not particularly good at flirting at all. I guess I just annoyed him enough that I eventually started to grow on him. He's always asking me how I'm doing and how school's going. He goes out of his way to start a conversation with me. We have our little inside jokes; he's always teasing me about how aggressive I am. I've caught him looking at me several times.
Anyway, now that the school year is over, he's going to be doing an internship in another state for the next three months. I, on the other hand, am working on finding a new job so that I can move out. Suffice it to say, I'll probably be gone by the time he comes back to work in the fall. So, I decided to message him via our work communication app and ask for his contact information. I would have asked him in person, but our workplace only releases the schedule week-by-week, and it's not always consistent each week, so I didn't know that our last shift together (on May 5) would be our last 😔. This is a part-time job comprised mostly of high school and college students, so it's not like dating a coworker would risk my career or anything, and like I said, I'm planning on quitting anyway. What I said was this: "Hey, do you have Instagram or Snapchat or a phone number or something? Since I probably won't be working here by the time you come back in the fall. Idk just in case we never see each other again 😅".
I'm so scared. I was literally trembling as I sent the message. That was about six and a half hours ago; it's nearly 4 am now, so he's definitely not responding until morning. Was I too forward? Guys like it when girls make the first move, don't they? Did I make the right decision? I mean the worst he can say is no, right? Or, I guess, leave me on read, in this case. I'm worried I might be bothering him during finals week, although I think nearly everyone's finals are over at this point. I know he's a super busy guy; if he doesn't get back to me right away, I understand. I just couldn't hold back any longer; I was worried he'd stop looking at our work app over the summer and I'd lose my chance forever.
I'm also worried that he thinks I lost interest in him. I feel like I was bolder when talking to him during the fall, but these past few months I've been kind of shy around him since we hardly see each other anymore. Sometimes my mind just goes blank around him. I'm able to socialize with my other coworkers really easily because I'm not attracted to any of them, but when it's just us one-on-one my brain is just like "Oh my god, cute guy!" and turns to mush and I forget how to speak. Most of the time he's the one initiating the conversations and I feel bad. But I don't know, maybe I'm just overthinking things.
Lastly, I'm worried he might think less of me now that I've dropped out of college. I told him during our last shift together that I had dropped out about a month ago, and the way he reacted seemed a bit judgmental. I don't think he meant to be judgmental, though; I think he just had no idea what to say. Or maybe I'm just hypersensitive to criticism, I don't know. I didn't want to go into the personal reasons (mental health and family stuff) behind why I decided to drop out (although I think he can kind of tell something's up), so I'm worried he just thinks I'm lazy and a quitter. It doesn't help that I tend to goof off and socialize a lot during work; not to the point where I'm not doing my job, but enough that it's clear I'm definitely not the hardest worker there. He, on the other hand, is super conscientious about his work; he has a great work ethic, which I admire. I think we just view work in different ways. I'm never going to slack off so much that I'm hurting my coworkers, but I'm also not going to put in maximum effort for a corporation that doesn't even pay me a living wage. I'm just worried that he sees the way I act at work and thinks of me as this ditzy dumbass when I'm so much more than that.
I've never actually been in a relationship, but I have had quite a few crushes, and I can say without a doubt he's the biggest crush I've ever had. I know everyone views their crush through rose-colored glasses, and while I know he's not perfect, this man is seriously a walking green flag. He's so smart, handsome, and funny. He's the sweetest guy; I don't think he has a mean bone in his body. He's always trying to cheer me up whenever I'm down. He's effortlessly kind to everyone and goes out of his way to help people. Did I mention we work at a movie theater? Well, during the worst shift of my life, two weeks after Barbenheimer (fun for audiences, but absolute madness for movie theater employees), I was stuck working the concessions stand completely alone on a Saturday night (usually we would have three to four employees on such a busy night). It was chaos; literally a nonstop line for at least an hour and a half, with absolutely no help from my managers (until I had a mini mental breakdown later that night, but I digress). Anyway, my crush was literally the only one who helped me prior to my mini mental breakdown. He was working as an usher that night (one of the people who cleans the theaters after each movie) and stayed ten minutes past the end of his shift to help me make popcorn and restock the concessions stand. He didn't have to do that. Our managers worked us like dogs that summer; most people would have been out of there the moment their shift ended. But not him. This was before we had even started talking, definitely before he started reciprocating feelings. There was no ulterior motive here. He just saw a coworker struggling and decided to go out of his way to help, with no benefit to himself. Because that's just the type of person he is. And that might seem like a small thing to you guys, but I feel like genuine kindness is so rare these days. I feel it's such a dog-eat-dog world out there; seems like we're all becoming more and more individualistic, and that everyone is only looking out for themselves. I don't know, I just hear horror stories about shitty guys all the time, and he just seems different.
I'm just terrified of the response (or lack thereof) I'm going to wake up to in the morning. Because even if he does give me his number, what then? There's been this unspoken chemistry and connection between us for months now. One of us has to confess our feelings, right? Will it be me? Will it be him? Will either of us have the guts to do it? It's our last chance. It's now or never. And I feel like maybe I'm not in the best place in my life for a relationship... but are any of us ever truly ready for one? I couldn't help falling for him when I did. I just feel like if I don't take that risk and confess my feelings to him now, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. And even if he rejects me, or we try dating and it doesn't work out, at least I can say I tried. The pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain of regret, right?
I just need some reassurance and support. Someone tell me I made the right decision. And wish me luck 😅

I've been trying to make a new friend. Almost two weeks ago I approached him at an end of the year type school event and asked if he'd like to hang out sometime. We didn't actually know each other, but we've had a couple of classes together and I just think he's really cool. He said sure and we exchanged numbers. A day or two later I asked if he'd be interested in going on a hike with me. He said that sounded like a lot of fun, but that he'd be busy until the following week with family stuff. I said that sounded great, and waited a few days to text him again asking which days would be the best for him, and mentioning two days that would be the easiest for me to plan on. He never responded. He does seem to be pretty slow at responding, but he's texted back within a day. The next day my phone was acting up, so I wondered if perhaps my text was never received. I restarted my phone (because that usually fixes it when it's acting weird) and texted him the next day to ask if he had received my last message, clarifying that my phone hadn't been working well. I never got a response to that text either. That happened three days ago.
I'm a pretty anxious person, especially when it comes to texting, so my mind has been doing me no favors. I'm wondering if I did something wrong, or misunderstood him, or if he actually never got my texts and thinks I'm being rude by not following up with our plans, or if he's not interest in going on a hike anymore. (Though I'm pretty sure it's not the fault of my phone, because after I reset it, I was able to text other people normally again.) I'm also wondering what, if anything, I should do. I know I can either text him or not (since school just got out, there is basically no chance we'll ever see each other in person). If I don't text him I risk never seeing him again and wondering forever if I could have done something more. But there are so many more variables to think about if I decide that I should text him again. When should I text him again? What should I say? Should I mention just the hike, or just the fact that I haven't heard from him, or both? Do I apologize in case I offended or misunderstood him? Should I explain my anxiety around texting people; if so, how do I avoid being manipulative? Most of these questions just lead to more questions. I don't actually need it wasn't answers to each and every one of these questions, but I included some of them as context for what sort of things my anxiety-ridden brain causes me to think about. Any help will be much appreciated (especially examples/suggestions of specific things I might say; I struggle a lot when it comes to wording things). Thank you!

2 years ago I changed forever.
I had hourly texts/emails with threats to my entire family (including names, addresses) and other things that I won't say. I changed my number 3 times and within 30 min he'd get the new one, taunting me for trying to evade him. Every text/email he sent was from a different numbeemail address using VPNs and spoofed phone numbers. He also contacted and threatened my coworkers, friends I hadn't spoken to in years, even their parents. Yes, he contacted and threatened my coworkers and the parents of friends I hadn't even spoken to in years.
Random people started showing up to my gfs work, thinking she wanted to hook up with them (the stalker used photos of her to fake a dating profile for her).
I called police in 2 states, 3 cities, and they said there was nothing they could do. They said to buy a gun and hope for the best. Keep in mind I'm only typing maybe 1/3 of what he did (e.g. he used false reports to trigger state investigations into things in order to screw up my gf's life). At one point, they called and accused ME of being the stalker, with the stalker taunting me with more texts every step since he somehow knew I was talking with police.
Even my little sister, who the guy said he was on his way to (with her exact address and apartment number, and saying how easy it was to get a gun in my state), that was all the police suggested, was for her to get a gun. She was actually completely down, but I told her she'd go to jail if she just fired a gun through a door. If she waited until he banged down the door, it'd be a 50/50 chance she'd survive, and even if she shoots first, adrenaline can keep someone going for plenty of time to shoot back.
So she slept at her work (a hospital).
And yes, the whole time I knew with 99% certainty this filth would never do anything violent, but I didn't want my sister or parents to be dead and for me to only have "I didn't think he'd actually do it" as a response.
My gf had a suspicion of who it was. When the police questioned me as if I was the stalker, I was done. I was done with life at that point. I screamed at them over the phone that if they didn't put an end to it, that I'd kill the guy my gf suspected myself. That even though I'd be in jail, it would be worth it because nobody would have to deal with him anymore.
I posted my drama to reddit, somebody suggested the FBI. I figured if the police were so fucking useless, there's no way in the hell the FBI would be helpful.
Wrong. They called just days later, sent special agents to meet me. I was terrified, I didn't think they were real. I figured their phone calls to me were fake, and the agents would just be paid associates from the stalker or maybe the guy himself. I confirmed that wasn't the case (I won't say how) and met with them. They took photos of every single text, every single phone number this piece of shit used, every email, they were cordial and professional, although one agent never spoke.
Time goes by. My gf has me check whatever random noises we hear in the house. Stalker was silent, which was almost scarier, because he of course knew we went to the feds. At the time I thought I was fine, other than severe acid reflux and left sided chest pain and my muscle wasting away and turning to fat.
One night my gf and I had absolute mental breakdowns and break up, for some drunk reason I was convinced she was the stalker all along, that's how manic I had slowly become. And after the breakup, that was when the PTSD finally set in. At random points in the day, my ears would become super-human, which unfortunately was not fun for my ear drums, and my heart would try to explode itself. I once asked a cashier once if the fans in the grocery store are always so loud, they had no idea what I was talking about. My heart rate was so fucking loud and fast all the time, luckily urgent care and later an ER visit showed nothing wrong, but breaking down in tears for the first time to an urgent care psych helped a fair bit (even though I was already in therapy).
More months go by, in a drunk rage I look up the address of the guy I suspected it was using some shady website. 15 minutes later, I get an email from the FBI saying to please be patient while they conduct their investigation. I will never be able to describe the feeling I had when I read that.
More months go bye, and while I'm showing America to the European girl I met while I was hiding and drinking my PTSD away abroad - they call me, saying who they arrested. A man who was framing the guy my ex-gf suspected. A man with a high paying job, living a quiet life. Threw it all away, arrested and in federal prison. They say the guy who was being framed is absolutely going to the sentencing and I don't blame him. They said they'll pay for my flight and hotel to attend as well, but I want nothing more to do with it.
But I do want to thank whichever redditor it was who said I should contact the FBI in my post those years ago, on whichever account it was. Those were some shitty days. hope he dies in prison

TL;DR; I was scared to leave who I thought was the love of my life for 2 years. Not only do I feel immense relief and better than I did that entire relationship, but to my surprise there are men who are interested, I promise you can find someone better. My story: I did it. 2.5 year relationship while in my early 20s. He was catfishing me for the first 6 months. I left him but was still seeing him, became official again 6 months later. 1.5 months after that, I discovered the addiction (coincided with a dr*g addiction that he roped me into because he didn’t want to do it alone). After that D-day, I told him if he used again, it was done. That was betrayal #2 already. I should’ve left but you all know how it is. Soon after I went to rehab, and when I came back I set up the screentime blocks on his phone and laptop. For the next NINE MONTHS I was constantly suspicious, had this gut feeling, couldn’t fully trust him. There were times I found evidence he excused away and I self deluded. Intimacy was significantly decreased because it was such a turn off to think about him thinking of other girls. Well we relapsed on the drugs and at the end of the 9 months I was barely functioning. Discovered his secret twitter account. Called him out, he denied until admitting. Dumped him the next day, he came over to my driveway and made some threats and pulled me back into spending time with him. I left in December to get treatment again, and I have not seen him in person since. He returned to the area yesterday and once he was settled home, I sent the break up text. I told him I love him but I will never fully be able to trust him and neither of us deserve that relationship. He didn’t reply, just deleted me on socials. I always suspected maybe he was into other girls, I don’t even think he was that hurt by me leaving which says a lot. I though I would be destroyed, but the RELIEF!!! I feel SO much better. I fell out of love with him months ago when he decided to extend his own trip instead of work on himself. Well I worked on myself and now I’m going to find a man who I can trust and be loved by. I spent about 2 years clinging onto him because I loved him and partially because I didn’t think I would find anyone else. I already have people hitting me up without even getting apps or anything. IT IS POSSIBLE, YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER. I Felt awful for about a month before I did it, and since the morning after I have felt amazing. Liberated. Please take this as a sign to get out while you can. You deserve better and they need to get help on their own. S if you’re reading this, I wish you the best.

BestDLine deleted from /Loans

• Flair: {NO LONGER NEEDED}
• Link to the deleted post
• Was a selfpost with score: 2
• Submitted 2014-02-10 00:51 (UTC)
• Was up for for approx 3749.30 days
• Probably deleted within the past 2.43 days
  • Was last seen up around 2024-05-14 21:46 (UTC)
  • Deletion detected at 2024-05-17 08:10 (UTC)

Active loans

• redditloans.com mobile search
• Could not fetch loan data from redditloans.com (error?)

Quick search

• Search for all deleted posts by this author

Title

[REQ] $120 loan will repay $140 on 2/21

Post contents

Full disclosure - I have a loan out with another user. Please view my post history for more info. I have excellent Creddit. Please pm me if you can help. I have already worked the hours to repay both loans - just waiting on check. I can provide cell for text communication and also can provide you with previous lenders info for reference if you would like.
Thank you for reading. I have a strict budget and am very close to get back to not needing any help. Steady diet of ramen and PB&J has me saving an abundance of $ as well.

Subreddit Patreon
First Prev
Anglestan
Augustus 5, 1923
Facility 9, Mancheston
Colonel Jacobs
His hands flew through the folders General Jorgenson and Colonel Thatcher had. There were dozens of them, stacked upon each other all filed in alphabetical order. It had only been a few days since he had woken up from his coma and visited his home— now his mother’s grave. He clenched his fists at the thought. The grief and rage threatened to bubble and spill over once again. He took a deep breath and dragged out the exhale, almost to the point where he had emptied out his lungs.
He was the only one with clearance, and so he couldn’t disclose any of what he learned with his team. They would simply have to trust him and his judgment. Which he was sure they would do. His hands went over one of the folders skimming through it. There were multiple secret projects, but the ones with the most notes were Project S.T.A.R, Project L.U.N.A.R.I, Project R.E.V.I.V.E, Project D.A.W.N, and Project T.E.M.P.L.A.R.
The colonel decided to start with the most notes and papers. Project D.A.W.N.
He skimmed through the notes, reading through some of the details and highlighted words. Project D.A.W.N, the espionage project Thatcher had started placed two spies in Verlin who were to report directly to a Crescent general named Sienna Moretti who was apparently on humanity’s side.
So I was right. There was an espionage element. With the recent attacks and Thatcher’s death, however, it’s safe to assume that it had somehow failed. Either they got found out or they betrayed us. Both seem very likely, but if they were found out, it would be possible that they had died.
He read through all of it before setting the folder down. There were no new notes recently. He sighed and assumed that Project DAWN was a failure. Whether or not the agents were still alive and well, it was too risky to check if they had been compromised. It was better to assume that they had been and cut all contact. The only way to find out now was to go there himself and check. I can’t contact them again. There’s no telling if it would still be Moretti or the agents who would see my messages. It’s a big risk, and judging by the state of things, best to assume it failed.
He picked up another folder. This one had the label ‘under development’ on the folder. Project Templar. He opened the folder and was instantly met with a blueprint and drawings of a massive bipedal machine. It looked humanoid with strange proportions and was supposed to be standing at an impressive 30 meters, or 100 feet. The Titanic Engine Mech for Personal Land Assault and Reconnaissance.
It was apparently a joint project with the Church of Sol, utilizing new and advanced technologies he hadn’t heard of. A 203mm Gatling cannon on one arm, while the other had three different weapons. A massive firestarter that utilized a new type of fuel mixture that could theoretically spew flames a kilometer away using a high-pressure nozzle. The fuel was ignited using an electrical spark. The second weapon was a high-powered light weapon that fired a single powerful beam of focused light that was even further amplified by layers of focusing lenses that could increase its output several times. Its third weapon was… a dust domina?
Mark read through the specifications of the so-called ‘sand cannon’ weapon. It was a massive cannon that accelerated tiny particles several times. Each particle was to be electrically charged, and it would travel at immense speeds. Near impossible speeds. The resulting impact of a microscopic particle at such speeds would be enough to form a small crater and punch through armor like it was nothing. This weapon would fire multiple at the same time, which could literally eat away at anything on the opposing end.
In terms of secondary weapons, the titan had two missile launch chambers in front of its shoulder each containing about 40 missiles, and two massive howitzer cannons on top of it. Both are 800mm in caliber. It had massive stumpy legs that served as bunkers for a small platoon on each leg. Each leg had machine dominas and 155mm cannons. Its chassis held two nuclear reactors inside providing for its power and weaponry. Its armor was the thickest and most ridiculous he’d ever read. Two meters of heavy steel armor.
How far are we in terms of technology? This thing looks like it came out of an H.G. Wells sci-fi novel. He thought, shaking his head. It was over the top, but there was no denying its combat capabilities. If it was already under-developed then it must be the first prototype. This has already been approved. Guess I better see it for myself later and check how it's coming along. Construction apparently started just a few months before the invasion.
Next was project L.U.N.A.R.I. It was a project involving Six. “Huh,” he said, continuing to read on.
The Light Undone: Nocturnal’s Adaptive Resistance Initiative. As he read further, his eyes widened. The reason why Six was so special wasn’t just because of her immunity to all strigoi weaknesses, but because of her impressive ability to turn any true born strigoi like her. She could transfer her strain like any other strigoi and transform them into a version of hers. It however only seemed to work for naturally born strigoi. The new species of ‘half-breeds’ were called ‘Blessed Children’ as Thatcher had coined in the folder.
The plan was to turn all willing true-born hemolite strigoi into these blessed children. Able to withstand the sun. Immune to silver. Free from the dependency on blood. They could remove all the weaknesses of the strigoi and after the war— make it possible to integrate them into society as normal citizens living on the surface. The project folder also made mentions of a city-wide draft in Dante and highlighted the possibility of turning all Dantenite true born strigoi into these blessed children and renaming them as ‘Lunari’. A mix of the dark and the light. The light of Sol reflected in the children of the night.
“Thatcher, what the fuck have you been up to…” Mark whispered to himself.
While it was true that it could help in the war effort by utilizing Six and the dantenite population, it would also invite some unforeseen problems and consequences. Would humanity be okay with the Lunari? Would the world even be ready for them? Strigoi who were immune to the sun. They wouldn’t be impossible to kill, but they would be immensely more powerful if we were to take away their inherent weaknesses. This is a gamble. Its gain would only be seen during the war period, but its unintended effects on society could be catastrophic.
He frowned, setting the folder down. It was obviously Thatcher’s main plan; seeing as all her moves could be traced to the path of the eventual completion of this project. It seemed dangerous in the long run, but the duskwalkers and dantenites had been monumental in the war effort. Maybe it was the time the world started to accept them more. Isolation and segregation was definitely not the way to disperse fears and foster understanding.
If Thatcher thinks this is the next step forward… then I’ll put my faith in her plans.
Next up was Project S.T.A.R, or the Superior Tech and Adaptive Resistance. An upgrade to the current hemolite weapons and gear by using new researched studies. The Starfire Pattern Domina. The SFD-23 This thing features a new loading system and magazine, ditching the rotating cylinder most domina used, or the rotating helix magazine design of the current hemolite standard BM-16 domina.
The new domina had its magazine like a box… a strange design but it was certainly easier to handle than the bulky cylinders the helical mags used. In terms of ergonomics, it was smoother and fit more. Its placement however was on top of the domina, just above the barrel. Most of the weapon were to be made of lightweight polymers and the barrel itself were to be crafted out of reinforced aluminium. In addition to that, it had a 10-inch bayonet attached to it.
There were other new things as well, such as the composition of the bullet. Looking at the conceptual cross-section designs, Mark read through its description and how it would function. A .308 cased telescoped bullet covered in a silver jacket with break-away petals surrounding the main body. Inside the jacket was a penetrator core that was to be made of depleted uranium. It had a small amount of incendiary compound and… powdered white phosphorus behind an explosive compound. The thin silver jacket would deform and trigger the explosive compound inside the body. It would blow up causing massive internal damage and release the incendiary materials into the body with the flecks of powdered white phosphorus. The penetrator core could still potentially keep going and hit a second target, or punch through heavily armored targets.
Part of the new Project S.T.A.R was overhauling the armor and gear of not just the Hemolites but the Hunters as well. Starfire Mk 1. Carapace Armor. Carapace? It looked like plates of steel covered in a rubberized coat. It was supposed to be slipped on over the original hemolite body armor. It added a spring-loaded wrist blade to the gauntlet, a thicker coat made of resistant materials, and added extra padding for the knees, shoulders, and elbows.
However, the hemolites weren’t the only ones mentioned in the folder. It was to serve the Hunters as well. “Hunters…” Mark said. “August’s group is part of this initiative too.” He flipped through some of the pages. There were blueprints and drawings of an armored suit. A mechanized suit even smaller and more compact than the jotunn units. The Mark 1 STR battlesuit. It was supposed to hug the wearer’s frame and increase their overall power. It was supposed to be built of titanium alloy and a heavy steel frame with composite armor. It had a cooling system, life support systems that could recycle bodily fluids, and an exoskeleton frame that could increase the wearer’s strength and speed.
However, the real eye-opener was Thatcher’s notes. She had been ranting about the new human evolution, and how the Hunters were the first of the ‘Solari’. She wanted to enhance human genetics and push past the peak of human ability to reach greater heights. Implants and restructuring of the anatomy to make it more efficient. Using the blood of the goddess herself. She must have lost it. These are the ramblings of a lunatic. At least… if she didn’t mention the goddess. Why was the goddess important here?
The writings ended with the words: “See Project R.E.V.I.V.E, for more details.”
Mark eyed the final folder. His hands shook as he reached out to take it. Flipping it open, his hands nearly dropped it in shock. The goddess Helena was alive. There were pictures of her naked form floating in a giant tube of fluid. There were more of Thatcher’s ramblings and excited rants about the possibilities of such a discovery. Resurrection, Enhancement, and Veneration: Implementation of Visionary Evolution.
The goddess is alive?! According to the file, she’s currently under the Cathedral of New Lundun. Not only that, but the file also detailed the extraterrestrial tech that lay beneath the cathedral. So the goddess is real and she’s— not really a goddess, but rather, a vampyr who created herself a human body to stand in the sun, and decided that it wants to be on humanity’s side… what the fuck.
Mark’s frown and confusion only increased as he read on. Thatcher’s notes seemed to nearly descend into madness as she had written about creating ‘the first hundred’, alluding to the 100 members of the Hunters division. Her plan was to revive the goddess, and with her help and expertise in genetics— use her DNA to transform the Hunters into demi-humans. Super soldiers. Literal children of the goddess Helena. They would then don the STR battlesuits, the first of the superhuman warriors to defend humanity. Solari.
Their lightning-speed advancement into technology was heralded by studying the alien tech, which deepened the understanding of physics and engineering. Nuclear technologies, chemical warfare, new material sciences, the mechs, and walkers, it was spearheaded by trying to reverse-engineer technology centuries ahead of our own… for the past hundred years. It wasn’t completely stolen, however. More or less borrowed ideas that had been made into our own with our own designs and implements. Still, the speed at which the Church and the military had deciphered such advancements all by themselves was… impressive to say the least.
Still, the fact that the goddess was alive, and could be brought back was big news. Checking the file for details, he found that the previous general, Jorgenson, had already approved this project. It was their next step as soon as they returned from New Amsterdam; which never happened.
If Helena was alive, then she could end this war swiftly, or at the very least help greatly like she once did during the War of Darkness. Having the goddess back would throw a massive wrench in the Crescent’s plans. It would certainly be something they wouldn’t expect. Not even I expected this, since many sources say that the goddess had already ascended to watch over humanity, while conspiracy theorists claim she had died in battle and that the Church was worshiping a corpse. This could be the trick up our sleeves that no one would even consider.
The colonel quickly got up from his seat and gathered the main files he had read. He placed them in a bag and rushed outside of his office in Facility 9. He went over to a nearby room and flicked the lights on. “We need to go,” he said. In an instant seven hemolite soldiers got up from whatever they were doing and instantly stood in line.
“Sir! Whatever you need of us, sir,” the group said in unison.
They were Hemo-1. His former squad members. He had taken up Louis' suggestion that they be his personal security detail. It was a shame that he had basically placed the best hemolite team out of commission, but after all he had been through he convinced himself that he could be just a little selfish. He didn’t want to lose any more friends. Not on his watch. Not while he was in an office, and they were out fighting.
“We’re going to New Lundun. Better pack up, it’s going to be a long night.”
“Mark,” Olivia said.
Jacobs turned to her direction and gave her a nod.
“Colonel, sir, may I ask where in New Lundun?”
“Liv, you don’t need to do that with me. Please. I give all of you special permission,” the colonel groaned. “It’s so weird. I mean, ‘captain’ was bad enough, but now you’re acting like I’m an authority figure.”
“You… are, though,” Emma shrugged.
“I’m your friend, and Liv I’m literally your partner. Unless you have some kind of weird fetish, save it for later.”
Olivia grinned, shaking her head. “Duly noted!” she chirped.
“That’s better,” Mark chuckled. “Now come on, we have a cathedral to visit.”
“Uhh, I’m not sure if you noticed, but we’re kinda… strigoi?!” Louis groaned. “I’d burn the moment I step in that place! Plus, it’s coated in silver! Anything I even touch will give me burns!”
“Oh come on, Lou. You have fucking gloves on. As long as you’re not a clumsy dumbass you’ll be fine… oh wait.’
“Uh huh, just sayin’ what I think, boss.”
The group headed out and Mark said something on his radio. He then sat on the ground, making his joints pop. The rest of the squad shrugged and followed his example, sitting down on the grass and waiting for… nothing. Charles and Zach looked at each other in confusion. “Uh, sir?” they asked. “Aren’t we supposed to be heading out and traveling right now?”
“Oh yeah, we’re just waiting.”
“Foooor…?”
The colonel gave them a smirk as a loud noise began to make itself known. A hummingbird transport appeared out of the distance and stopped right above them, slowly descending into the grass. “Being colonel has its perks,” Mark said with a smile. He stood up and hopped inside the hummingbird as soon as it landed. “Come on now! We’ve got work to do! Last one aboard buys everyone food later!”
Emma zipped in before Mark could even finish his sentence, followed by Olivia, Phineas, Charles, Zach, and then Louis, who sadly took too long to process what the colonel said, and lagged behind.
“Aw, man! Fuck this shit.”
“Rules are rules, Lou. Prepare your wallet later.” Mark grinned.
With a smile, the colonel pulled Olivia to his side, who blushed for a moment before shaking her head. “Take us up! New Lundun Cathedral! How long would it take?” he asked the pilot.
“About an hour and a half!” The pilot replied. “Less if you want to get there as soon as possible!”
“Take your time! The night’s still young.”
The hummingbird started to lift up, taking them into the air. The group settled down in their seats and watched outside the open. Mark opened up a bag inside the hummingbird and took out some ear muffs built for a strigoi. Extremely loud noises were damaging for a strigoi’s enhanced hearing, so the military started implementing ear muffs for them after complaints from early deployments of the hemolite squads.
The trip didn’t take too long. In only an hour and twenty minutes they had arrived at the safe zone of New Lundun, heading straight for the cathedral. The night mass had just ended and people were leaving the cathedral. “Looks like we made it in perfect time!” Mark smiled. They hovered for a few minutes in the air before eventually landing down right in front of the statue of Helena.
As soon as they landed, the colonel and his group left the hummingbird. Mark instructed the pilot to wait for them. He went straight for the cathedral with his group following behind. He entered inside, clearing his throat. “Hello?”
“Well this is surely unexpected,” an old man said, walking up to greet them.
“Great Grandfather Aurelius. It’s uh, an honor.”
“Please. The honor is mine… I see you’re the new colonel. Yes, I’ve heard the news,” he said. “Would you mind telling me your name, young man? As well as your companions, if they feel so. I usually don’t allow duskwalkers here but, I have nothing against them. I’ll make an exception for your group.”
“Thank you, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “I am Colonel Mark Jacobs. These are my friends and security detail. Olivia, Zach, Phineas, Charles, Emma, and Louis.”
“I see, and what brings you here?”
“Since Thatcher’s demise, I was given access to her research and project folders upon taking up the title. I’ve learned about what’s under your cathedral,” Mark cleared his throat. “Would it be alright if we could see it? I’d like to check it for myself. Of course, under your permission and guidance, Great Grandfather.”
The church head looked from Mark to his companions. He pulled a slight frown and hummed. “Do these companions of yours have the clearance? Surely, we wish to keep our secrets hidden,” he said. Mark nodded.
“They do not have clearance to know what is in Thatcher’s folders and her findings,” the colonel nodded. “However, I give them permission to accompany me, and should they discover things for themselves, then you have my word and my trust that I can keep them from spilling state secrets.”
The Great Grandfather gave a short pause before ultimately relenting. “Very well,” he let out a sigh. “Follow me.”
Aurelius walked behind the altar and pulled the same lever, which opened the same staircase leading underground, where Jorgenson and Thatcher had once gone. “Over here, colonel,” he said. “I do not know you completely yet, but this is a big deal of trust I am giving you. Perhaps you would be the one to do things that Thatcher could not have.”
Mark nodded, he and his group followed the Great Grandfather down the staircase. It led down to a massive underground facility, with numerous priests, researchers, and scientists. Libraries, records, instruments, and artifacts of old. It was a treasure trove of learning.
“So,” Aurelius cleared his throat. “What would you like to know about?”
“This isn’t all of it,” Mark said. “Thatcher mentioned a living, breathing, Helena.”
His group behind him let out a soft gasp, but they tried their best to hide their surprise.
“Hm,” the Great Grandfather nodded. “Perceptive young man aren’t you? Very well.”
They were then led into another room, behind a set of heavy blast doors. If the whole group were trying to hide their surprise then, now they could barely contain it. Even the colonel stared awestruck at the things he had seen. Despite the near-magical objects around them, the true shock was the massive starship at the end of the hallway. “It’s impressive isn’t it?” Aurelius said. “All of the goddess’ artifacts and items at our disposal, to use and learn from, to integrate into our own. This is why Anglestan is the most powerful nation in the UHT in terms of development. When it comes to industry, however, that would go to the UNA. But we share our secrets with them. All our advancements are handed to them first before any other nation.”
“This is all amazing, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “But this is not what I’m here for.”
“No, it’s not.” Aurelius nodded.
He led them to another room, one that was sterilized and sported advanced machinery. Things that Mark had never even seen. There were screens with luminous green texts that appeared in front of it. Large panels with numerous keys, levers, and dials. Graphs of all sorts and beeping monitors. In the center, was the very thing he had come all this way to confirm. A large cylinder filled with liquid, sporting tubes and pipes connecting to its base. Inside was a woman of large proportion. Four arms, two legs, and six wings. In her bare chest was a symbol of the sun that seemed to glow dimly.
“There she is, there’s you goddess.”
Neither Mark nor his group spoke a word. He walked up to it, eyeing the woman inside. It really is her. Down to the last details. Golden hair, six limbs, six folded wings, and she looks massive. Probably as big as her statue just outside the cathedral. This is it. The very goddess in the history books, the one spoken about in legends and the one worshiped in the Churches of Sol.
“Can we free her?” he said.
The Great Grandfather nearly choked on his spit upon hearing those words. “Free her?! That could kill her! We don’t even understand this technology, let alone control it!” he said pointing at the panels. “The machines you see here are the best and most advanced we have based on what we can reverse engineer, but even then, the consequences of tampering with its functions may be disastrous!”
“I understand, Great Grandfather,” Mark said. “But we are in a dire situation, and the goddess may be our hope of turning this around. Whatever secrets of her tech that you don’t understand, wouldn’t she be able to teach us directly? What good is she floating around in Sol knows what?”
“That is her miraculous healing fluid. She had already built this contraption centuries ago in case anything were to happen to her, that her body’s natural healing could not sustain,” Aurelius said. “During the War of Darkness, Helena was struck with a weapon so deadly, her very cells began to tear away. The Reaper. Dealt to her by Absolem the progenitor. Her flesh was peeling from her body, and she began to decay whilst she still breathed. She entered this contraption and gave strict instructions to the Great Grandfather at the time, not to interrupt the healing process. The machine that monitored her, however, began to fail over time.”
“So this… these screens and panels…”
“Is only what functions we can understand. We took it upon ourselves to rebuild and study it the best we could. What we have right now is only a cheap imitation of a technology we do not fully comprehend,” he said. “It took us decades to even figure out the fundamentals and create a working prototype of this machine. By some miracle, the goddess’ healing process had remained even while we replaced components of technology ahead of ours.”
“But you know how to free her, don’t you?”
“I… yes.”
“Great Grandfather Aurelius,” Mark began. “We can end this war. Imagine what we could do with the goddess fighting on our side. We could advance even further, we could finally end the bloodshed, and we can show humanity that there is still hope. Imagine how people all over the world would feel seeing as their goddess has returned.”
“I wish I had your enthusiasm,” Aurelius said. “But it is simply too risky. The Church’s duty is to protect Helena and her legacy. We keep her alive, literally and figuratively. She nearly died the last time she was involved in a war. Would you risk losing the goddess?”
“Would you risk humanity losing?”
The Great Grandfather fell silent, looking back at Helena floating inside the tube, then to the panels that controlled it. He frowned and let out a long sigh. “The goddess said that we should not interrupt it. That it would end as soon as it was finished. Maybe we should trust her words.”
Mark shook his head. “I don’t spot a single blemish on the goddess. Not a single scratch,” he argued. “You said it yourself that the machine had begun to fail and you replaced components. How would you know that the thing that’s supposed to wake her up was not tampered with? Think about it. What you may think is a useless piece may be integral to the whole machine. Or maybe your replacements were not up to the task. Just because nothing’s happened doesn’t mean its functions have remained whole.”
“Young man, we simply cannot gamble with the goddess’ life here.”
“Have you no faith? Great Grandfather?”
Aurelius stepped back in shock. Mark’s companions looked at each other, clearly surprised as well. “Mark… I don’t think we should keep arguing with—” Olivia tried to say.
“No,” the colonel said firmly, cutting her off. “Great Grandfather Aurelius, do you think that Helena will not be able to pull through if we wake her? How long has it been? A century? How much longer will we wait? She may be immortal but humans aren’t.”
“I'm sorry, but the chances of failure are too high. The probability of her—”
“I don’t care about the probability! Would you rather put your faith in a statistic?!” Mark raised his voice. “I lost my mother to this war! My friends! My job! My eye, and almost my life! I’ve put mine on the line out there! You don’t know what it’s like out there! Was my mother’s death just a probability too? Was she just a statistic to you?! That as long as the numbers are good, no matter how many are lost, we are ‘winning’?!”
“Mark—!”
“No, Liv! He needs to know what’s really going on out there!” he spat. “Great Grandfather, with all due respect, but you don’t have a damn clue what it’s like to be in the field. You’re a man of faith, aren’t you? Take a risk. Everyone else has.”
Aurelius stood there, dumbfounded. He bit the inside of his cheeks and clenched his fists. “For your insolence, I would have had you flogged and stripped of your rank,” he glared at the young colonel. However, his features slowly softened, letting out a soft sigh. “But I have never seen such conviction. Mighty is your faith.”
The Great Grandfather moved over to the panels and reached into his robe, pulling out from around his neck a key with the symbol of the sun. He inserted it into the machine and turned. A beep sounded, right before Aurelius pulled a lever. In an instant, the fluid inside the glass chamber began to drain out into the tubes under it. Slowly, the chamber emptied and all that was left was the nude form of the goddess sitting in the glass.
“Did it work?” Louis asked, stepping forward and looking at the woman.
Aurelius stayed silent, his hands shaking in anticipation. Mark moved toward the glass chamber, when suddenly, the glass opened up like a door, releasing a fragrant mist. They stood there, watching for a whole minute. Nothing. At first nothing. The Great Grandfather looked like he was about to break down. His knees shook as he covered his mouth, thinking that he was responsible for the death of Helena.
That was when… a soft sound was heard. Movement. Olivia immediately went over to Mark and stood in front of him. Ready to protect him should anything happen. Slowly, the goddess moved more, her arms inched to the side.
Then, her eyes opened.

The hidden text is in regards to the content warning.
I’m no psychologist so maybe I’m using those terms wrong, but my inner thoughts and feelings can be so fucked up in regards to societal norms.
I’ve also never said any of this out loud and likely never will. I’ve been to therapists for other reasons.. it would take Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men to get this out of me.
I do not act on most of these thoughts. If you asked the people around me, they would likely praise me as empathetic, kind, and willing to go far out of their way to help. I only do these things because that’s how I’m supposed to act. I actually think I over compensate for it to be honest.
The truth is, I genuinely do not care about anybody that does not benefit me in some way. My friends and family bring me entertainment and support, so I do “care” about them, but I don’t think it’s the same way that other people do. If something bad happens to them I do feel emotion, but it’s more an emotion of personal loss than anything else. I don’t have a problem cutting people out of my life and I never have.
If you are a stranger and cannot benefit me in any way, I truly do not care about you. I know how I’m supposed to react though, so I react that way by mentally attaching myself to that person.
If somebody had someone close to them die, I pretend my mom died so I can produce the reaction that is expected. >! I learned that one in middle school when a young girl committed suicide and because I didn’t know her, I genuinely didn’t care.!<. I didn’t even care enough to listen to our teacher finish his speech. Instead I checked my flip phone and saw a funny text from a friend. I chuckled and never really lived that one down. I feel regret from that, but it is out of embarrassment for myself. I know I am supposed to care, I just don’t.
I always have this overwhelming urge to manipulate people when the opportunity comes up. I am very good at it. I don’t act on it. I know that people outside a relationship can see when somebody is being manipulated quite clearly and I do not want to be attached to that stigma. I don’t want to be like this, but the urge and the how to is in my head.
I am probably one of the most judgmental people on this planet. I noticed at the gym recently that I was silently shitting on a guy that was having trouble lifting what I considered a small amount of weight. Somebody else was too fat, another looked like a leather couch trying to be 20 years younger than they were while looking 10 years older. The crazy thing is, I’m not even close to the strongest, best looking, or most fit person there. No wonder I was scared of starting in the gym all those years ago, people like me are the problem.
When it comes to romantic relationships it almost gets worse. I think I feel love, but I’ve proven in the past that it’s conditional. Maybe it’s just infatuation. I “fall” fast and unintentionally love bomb them before I get bored and either throw them away or in the case of my last relationship, sleep around until I get caught. When I got caught I just ended it. I apologized, and begged for forgiveness and made excuses and then said I can’t stay because of my guilt. That’s not true. I won’t stay because it would be way too much work to have a decent relationship with them now and I stopped caring when I started cheating. I don’t even really feel guilt from that. Just embarrassment because of the people they told.
I care so much about my image and it’s not in the way a typical Hollywood psychopath does. I don’t have a 13 step skin routine or anything like that. I have built this facade of being approachable, kind and trustworthy. It’s like there’s something inside that really wants to be a good person, but my brain won’t let me get there. I am the only important person in this world. I try and be normal by attaching people to me emotionally so I can pretend to be empathetic to them. It’s just so fucking backwards.
I am the MC and nobody else matters. I have plot armor. When I die, the show is over. It’s an incredibly selfish way of looking at things, at least I can recognize that.
The absolute bonkers thing about this is sometimes I think that if I did act on these thoughts, if I manipulated and lied my way into what I want, if I told people what I thought of them, if I stopped going out of my way to help, I would grow numb to my image and genuinely feel happy.
Unfortunately for every short story I wrote, there are dozens more. I don’t want to be this way. I want to do good things because they make me feel good, not because they help my image or because I feel like I’m supposed to. I want to feel true empathy for my fellow beings. I want to feel dive in front of a bullet unconditional love for someone. I just think an irreplaceable fuse burnt out somewhere a long time ago.

TLDR: Ex attempted suicide while we were together and broke up with me soon after. Over the past year I have continued to reach out to her every few months or so to see how she is going, and to see if there is any chance we could be in each other's lives again (be it friends or relationship), even though she has expressed very much that she wants me to let her go and that she can't continue this ("this" being the talking to me).
Bit of a long post, sorry, but here goes.
Just over a year ago at the beginning of 2023, while we were dating, my Ex made a suicide attempt and very nearly didn't make it through. Obviously, this was a very tough time for her, and everyone close to her. Her family and I did all we could to offer support and be there for her during the recovery time. She went back home to her parents' place, in another city, after being released from hospital but only stayed a few days as she couldn't take it and just wanted to go back to her "normal" life. She is very much of the stubborn type and doesn't like to be given help by other people and feels like she has to do things herself. She also is very hard on herself, and I believe she feels a lot of self-blame and guilt for what happened (this is important for later on).
She was admitted to a mental health ward shortly after getting out of hospital which devastated her and obviously threw her "normal" life out the window. All she wanted to do after getting out of hospital was get back to her flat, back to her job, back to uni, and just continue on. I would call her on the phone most nights and offer to visit but she would refuse the visit as she didn't want me to "see her like this and in this place". Eventually they allowed her time out, like 4 hours a day and we would catch up during these times when we could, a lot of the time she wasn't up for it which I understood.
She got out of the ward about 2 months after being admitted and it was a tough month afterwards. She was obviously not feeling well about the whole situation and wasn't anywhere close to getting "better". At one point she even expressed to me how she still wanted to die. I was always very supportive of her, encouraging her to seek help via therapy, talking to her about it, encouraging her to come on walks/gym with me and whatever I thought might lift her mood. I made it very clear to her that I don't have any resentment toward her or any ill feelings for what happened and that I only wanted to do whatever I could to help her get better, I really cared for her and loved her.
Unfortunately, after this tough month she decided to call it quits, claiming she thinks it will be better for both of us, that I deserve better, that she cares enough about me to not fuck me around... I agreed at the time saying that it probably is for the best, something I regret to this day and wish I fought a little more. There were a few instances before this in our relationship we she expressed that she thinks we should break up, not exactly pulling the pin, rather expressing her feelings, and I have talked her out of it and changed her mind (now I see why, she was most likely having thoughts about attempting suicide at this point).
After this breakup we talked a little over the next couple of weeks, seeing each other at the gym a couple times but it eventually got too much for her and she expressed this, so I suggested we got no contact, she agreed. This was probably the toughest time of my life as I not only was deeply saddened by our breakup as I loved her greatly, but I also worried a shit ton about whether or not she would be here when I woke up the next day. We remained in no contact for about 1 month I think until we spotted each other at the gym again and talked there, I then texted her after and tried to start a conversation, we talked for a little bit until she expressed how this needs to stop and she wants me to move on and let her go. A month after this her flat had a party and she invited me over, we have a small rekindling for a couple days but eventually it got to the same end result.
Since our initial breakup I have learned that she has been back to the mental ward two more times, the second being after making another suicide attempt. By coincidence, I reached out to her during both of these times and remained in contact until she was out, when she would call it quits shortly after. I think talking to me helped get her through it a little bit. The second time she expressed still that she doesn't really see any alternative future than her ending herself.
In short, every few months or so, I have reached out again via txt, she is initially very hesitant, but we normally continue talking for a little while until eventually we get to a point where she get very emotional and calls it quits again.
She has expressed to me each time these talks come to an end that she just wants me to let her go. She makes it very clear that she loved me very much and cares for me greatly, but she just wants me to move on and that she can't continue this. The problem is, I just can't stop worrying about her and obviously don't want to see her go. I also desire heavily to be a part of her life again. After not talking to her for a couple of months or more, I get a MASSIVE urge to reach out and check up on her, talk to her, that I just can't seem to shake. I get heavily down in my own life during these times as I can't think of anything else. I almost believe that if I don't reach out to her than I am giving up on her and feel as though I am turning my back on a loved one in their time of need. I also can't help but feel the reason she wants me to let her go and move on is that she is still planning on making another attempt and wants to lessen the impact on me as much as possible. Ofc, I would be destroyed either way.
I am writing this post as I am once again feeling these urges and struggling to decide what I should do.
I want to do everything within my power to help her through this time, but I feel like she is pushing/has pushed me away not because she doesn't want a relationship with me, but because she feels extremely guilty about what happened. She believes she has hurt me greatly and wears a lot of blame because of that, she even said that she breaks down when I text her as she feels so sorry for what she did to me. I have expressed to her many times that I don't see it that way and that there is nothing else I would rather do than to "help" her, that I can't "save" her, I just want to be there for her and support her.
So, am I wrong for continuing to reach out to my Ex?
Bit of background info, we only dated for 7 months total and were not living with each other. Even though it was short, she made me feel ways that I have never felt before and we had a very strong connection.

TLDR: I made mistakes and we broke up. But she led me on making me believe that I have a chance for a month straight after we broke up.
This is a pretty weird situation. Or was. Me and her met early September and we immediately clicked. So many similar interests and hobbies, the conversations were wonderful. As we started hanging out more and more we both developed feelings for each other. One night she asked me to be bf and gf. I said yes in a heartbeat. Everything was perfect I thought I found my last everything. Sure we had our differences here and there.
I would get sad or pissed when she wasn’t available and would go crazy. She would go out drinking every weekend with her friends. I guess I really didn’t like that part of her, I tried to change her. I asked her multiple times “can you please dedicate either Friday or Saturday to me?” And she would reply with “I want to hang out with my friends. You know I like partying.” Why go to a college bar when you have a partner? Isn’t the whole reason of going to a bar in college is to get laid? I was always on edge about her going out because I knew how she is when she is drunk. She is overtly kind to people. Her story growing up is painful. Filled with a lot of emotional and physical absence from a male figure. I tried to be that male figure, but did the same mistakes as her dad did. Trauma dumping, gaslighting, etc,
I’m not proud of what I did. I didn’t realize I was even doing those. Fast forward to late March, one night I jokingly hid my phone from her as she was trying to look at my twitter (just sports stuff) I only wanted a reaction out of her, but that was the biggest mistake I did. She lost trust in me and eventually feelings too. The very next day she called me to talk and I came running. We sat down and she gave me the news to break up. I started crying and shaking. She was talking about how we are not suitable in the long run. At first she said maybe we can stay friends with benefits, but then she said okay we can try one more time if you fuck up once it’s over. A week or two from that situation, i felt that she was gradually getting farther away from me. Sure we did text all day long but she didn’t want to hang out. It was like that for a week or so. Then I finally got her to start hanging out with me. On a Friday, she told me “I’m going to be busy I won’t be able to text you fast” I said okay. I got drunk with my friends. She did too with her friends. She texted me during all that time too. She didn’t respond for about an hour and all hell broke loose in me. I called her 20 times, sent her harsh words, accused her of cheating(she didn’t), telling her to come to my house immediately. She said she was already in bed but I kept bugging her until she gave in. I made her scared of me. The same thing happened a week later too. And she thought it was time to actually break up.
I tried apologizing saying that I will change for good. She said okay I will wait for you. But she already started talking to someone else. When I found about this she brushed it off by saying we’re just friends. Me and her still hanged out but only out in public. I begged her to wait for me while I grow up mentally and throw away my flaws. She told me that she thought about getting back together. That gave me hope. I made the mistake of still keeping in contact with her till last weekend. That weekend I get a picture randomly out of nowhere of her kissing another guy. And I went crazy. I said my words and blocked her on everything. Note that her friends were bullying me too and on many occasions. She would always say “I shouldn’t have let that happen” but kept letting it happen.
Now I realize that we were never meant to be. I only got into a relationship with her because I didn’t want to be alone and the opportunity was right in front of me. But I feel like she has hurt me this past few weeks more than I ever hurt her. She lead me on this whole past month, which made me delusional that I was still close with her. And she told me that “I only said that we can try one last time to make you stop crying.”
I admit I made horrible decisions and was toxic. But she was more toxic than I ever was to her this past month. I dont know who is the villain.

My Grandmother is a Caucasian, 70 year old woman, no medication, probably between 4’11- and 5’1, about 160 lbs ( Not sure, she’s got thin arms and legs, and while her body isn’t thin, it’s not really heavyset. She has no problem with her mobility, maybe just slower walking, has a bad hip but refuses to take any medication of any kind for any reason, and is a HUGE chain smoker. Probably one or two packs a day. This would explain her infrequent but still noticeable, phlegmy cough from time to time.
I don’t know everything about her past but I know some: One of seven children, parents used to scream a lot, she used to cry in bed with her sister when it happened, told me she stayed away from home as much as she could, started smoking at about 12 years old, got pregnant with my dad at 15, became a mom at 16, by all accounts was the best mom ever, biking, reading, dancing, encouraging my dad to try new things, but still moved around a lot, and kept going from house to house, to trailer, etc.
When she was about early 20s, she met and married a guy who she later divorced because they had a kind of culture clash. I don’t remember exactly what he was, but he was very controlling of her, forbidding her to wear swimsuits, or going anywhere without him, and eventually he threatened her several times with knives and a hand around her neck. Never did anything but she was afraid of knives for a very long time afterwards.
She met my grandpa, and I guess things were fine until after she had my aunt. Sometime after she was away from home as much as she could by way of bingo.This led to her using what she could out of her own paychecks until she came after my grandpa’s, who let her. He sold stuff around the house and eventually asked people for money. Sometime after being married to my grandpa she randomly developed night terrors and sleepwalking. Full on waking up and screaming, full on walking outside and screaming. I guess it just stopped. Was controlling of my aunt, didn’t want her trying new foods, didn’t go out or do fun things with her like she did with my dad.
Nowadays it is well known that nobody wants to live with her, but she’s not like abusive or stealing. But here is what we have noticed:
Heavy chain smoker. It doesn’t look like she even finishes them, she goes like halfway, stops, lights a new one.
Can’t or won’t sit and watch a movie or show. Will start one, get up and do laundry, take care of the dog, check her phone, play on her phone, and will full on have a conversation with you or someone when she was the one who wanted to watch the movie.
Frequent gambler. We just went on a cruise to place she’s always wanted to go and she spent a good chunk either smoking or gambling.
Very annoyed with the smells or steam of foods to the point where she’ll complain or get up and move. My grandpa famously only had seafood twice while married to her and he loved seafood.
Very irritable if she goes a while without a cigarette. She was pretty rude in the airport.
Gets annoyed easily when starting to board or get off the plane. Will full on loudly complain about the heat or cold. Kept asking my dad to open window, close window, turn ac off, turn ac on. Whiny.
Restless, seems like she can’t sit still or focus on anything in a climate where she has to sit and be quiet. (Planes and shows)
Known to start fights about pretty much anything that she doesn’t like. It is all about her from the thermostat, the entertainment, the volume, food, etc very difficult to live with
Very dramatic. Complained she was so cold on an excursion she couldn’t move her leg, and then refused to see a doctor about a numb leg. Said she’d just take a shower and then was suddenly all better about an hour later when she was smoking. Never showered, shrugged it off by saying she’ll be all right.
Dramatic in a little kid version. Like when a two year old is confused or thinking, they’ll scratch their head, purse their lips. Like their mimicking confusion verbal cues? Like they’re thinking this is what we do when we’re confused so this is what I will do. She seems to react to things dramatically and like a second or two after a proper reaction time?
A dog barked and her whole body moved in startled matter. If she hates something she eats, she makes an audible grunt, forces a sad expression in her face, holds a napkin to her mouth, and will dramatically push the food away. It’s not just dramatic, for some reason it makes me think of a toddler going through the motions so to speak.
Will sometimes ask us questions and then immediately talk to someone else or walk away and do something.
Says she’s an introvert who doesn’t like talking to people, but actively makes a point to talk to people. Not in a rude way or anything, just likes talking to people. Not sure if that means anything but I’ve always noticed that. Why would you say you dont like talking to people if you actually do?
Has quit a few jobs for silly reasons, and made impulse buys, like a new car when she obviously can’t afford it. Even back when I was a kid, she was known to gamble nearly everything, and could never afford anything, even though she made decent money.
Loves to complain. Or she just complains a lot. Going out to eat with her is usually a nightmare unless we go out with her to an approved place.
My dad made a joke that she’s ADD and it got me thinking about everything. Can she have and have had undiagnosed ADD? Can symptoms of an ADD nature appear because of trauma? Can trauma beforehand affect symptoms of ADD?
Or maybe it’s undiagnosed anxiety or depression, but can those lead to restlessness or symptoms like ADD?
My great grandma once told my mom apologetically my grandma has always put herself first before anyone. But dad’s joke had made me wonder if there’s maybe overstimulation or…something?
I know you’re not psychic and I’m happy to give any extra info, but I wondered if a person can be horribly selfish if they have some kind of undiagnosed whatever.
Thank you! :)

So, I've had the Nothing Phone 2 and the Nothing Ear 2 for a while now. In my several months of use, the Nothing Phone 2 has been one of the worst phone experiences I've had.
I've been using Samsung phones for most of my life (I also used an iPhone 14), and looking for something more unique, I decided to try the Nothing Phone 2. In the past few months (half a year at this point), I have found the user experience to be one of the worst phones I have used.

1. Incredibly buggy OS. Android is probably part of the problem as well. Still, the number of times when the phone completely shits itself is just incredible. I would use the fingerprint sensor or press the power button only to have an unresponsive screen showing the home screen with the fingerprint layout (Not the lock screen, the home screen). Media control could be better, with picture-in-picture and background play often a nightmare. The Glyph integration is just a joke at this point. It doesn't work most of the time, and when it does, it doesn't serve any purpose. The Glyph system is more a marketing gimmick than anything, and most users agree it's useless.
2. Bluetooth. Even when using the Nothing Ear 2, a product in the same ecosystem as the Nothing Phone 2, it quite often takes a very long time to connect or doesn't connect until I try the connection several times. While you might say it's not much work, dealing with issues like this regularly, especially during a busy day, ruins the user experience. There is also an issue with volume control, where volume adjustment is far too drastic, even when absolute volume control is turned off in Android developer settings.
3. Build quality and design. It's expected for the price point and can be avoided when using a case, but the phone's aluminum edges do nothing to protect it when it drops. The Nothing Ear 2 is of similar build quality, and the earphone case, while unique, is incredibly difficult to carry due to its shape and volume. Due to the square design, it is also only possible to open the lid from the correct side by looking, making it a hassle to open it in your pockets. The Nothing Phone 2 is quite big, making this a deal breaker for those with smaller hands. Trying to use the Nothing Phone 2 with one hand is quite difficult.

The best way to summarize the Nothing experience would be unique but pointless. If you are really invested in the aesthetics of your devices, it might be worth it, but I can't recommend the Nothing Phone 2 and Ear 2 to anyone looking for a quality product.
At the end of the day, this was based on my personal experience so please let me know if there are fixes for the problems listed above or anything I should know.

TL:DR Rode too fast, couldn't stop in time. Fell into river and lost phone, airpods, and garage door opener. Also almost lost my life.
Well, as the title says, riding brakeless is pretty dangerous if you can't stop properly.
I thought I had control of my bike without brakes because I was able to go down some hills, and slow down enough to stop at lights, but I realized it's all sort of useless if you can't stop at a whim.
I definitely overestimated my abilities on a fixed gear. I outrode my lights which made me unable to slow down enough for the curve. I tried to skid to stop... but the gear ratio was too high (52:17), and my tires were at the perfect PSI (according to Silca's calculator 200lbs on 700cx32mm Continental Gatorskin Black Edition with pavement/some cracks and midrange/'butyl tubes). I was also clipped in the pedals (if I were in cages/straps, I would have tried to jump off the bike). With these factors in mind, I simply panicked and couldn't stop.
Thankfully I was on a trail, and the trail that I was on followed a river that led into a bay. (Now that I think about it, if the river wasn't there I would have died cause I wasn't wearing a helmet; the water prevented me from getting a serious head injury.) I fell in head first and both the bike and I were soaked. As I flailed around in the water, I lost my phone, both airpods, and my garage door opener. My mind immediately went to my bike. I did my best to get my bike out of the water and essentially threw it up onto the bank, and as I did so, I realized my phone was no longer in my pocket.
I had my apple watch on and realized that I could probably make my phone light up if I used the ping feature but when I tried... my watch said my phone was not connected. After realizing I would have to look for my phone myself, I tried to shuffle my feet along the river floor to see if I could "feel it out" but it was unsuccessful. I really tried hard to look for my phone. I used my bike light to see if I could see it underwater, and even OPENED MY EYES UNDERWATER TO SEE IF I COULD FIND IT but I stopped because I was scared I might lose my eyes to some weird bacteria. To be honest, I stopped looking because I didn't want to die from a fungus/parasite/bacteria/virus that could be present in the water (I might still die because some of the water went in my mouth (it was salty tbh) and ended up in my ears) so I gave up.
I rode home... wet, tired, and defeated (surprisingly my bike was fine... wait it's salt water.... I'll need to give it a cleaning in the morning). On the way, I was shaking the water out of my ears and rode into a tall hedge, lol. That gave me a nice bump on my head along with some new scrapes. After I picked myself up, I was able to make it home finally and was able to get my roommate to open the door for me.
I have to try to get a new phone tomorrow at the Apple store, I might lose the interest of a girl I was talking to because I can't text her now, and I am in a lot of pain. If you were able to make it this far in my wall of text, please, please, please ride with a front brake if you're new, ride with a helmet regardless of skill level, and make sure you have fun despite some idiot making a mistake.
I'd post pictures of my injuries and bike, but I don't have a phone lol
EDIT: TYPO

my girlfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years now and i have plans to propose next month when we go to greece for my grandpa’s birthday. i have never loved anyone the way that i love her, she’s the best person i know. i personally think she’s the most beautiful girl in the world but that seems to be the problem. for a small backstory she’s always had a toxic relationship with her mom, at least as long as i’ve known her. her mom seems like the type of mom that’s jealous of her daughter which is super weird to me. the first time we visited was christmas break during her freshman year of college and her mom made a lot of backhanded comments towards her. like “this is the kid who stole my beauty” and “i hope you have a backup plan for when school doesn’t work out. try taking up modeling.” (my girlfriend graduated summa cum laude, maintained a 3.9 gpa throughout college and is on track to do the same in grad school.) we don’t visit her mom often and we both kinda shrug off her comments when we do but i didn’t know they held so much weight for her. i recently started a new job for a marketing company after graduating from grad school. they had a social night for the incoming grad school new hires and we both attended the event. i introduced myself to my new colleagues and said “and this is my beautiful girlfriend, x” which she kinda smiled shyly but after that she was distant. we stayed for maybe an hour afterwards and the drive home was silent. when we got home she immediately broke down in tears and asked me why do i love her. i was confused and caught off guard with the question and failed to find an answer before she said “exactly” and went back to her apartment. she sent a series of long text messages explaining how much she hates when i say how beautiful i think she is and that she wishes that i would talk about her qualities without mentioning her looks. before i could respond, she turned off her phone. i went to her apartment, she wouldn’t answer the door. i’ve been sitting outside of her apartment for 4 hours. i sent a text message telling her that she’s so much more than her looks. she’s incredibly smart, she’s kind and gentle. she’s extremely funny. she talented in so many ways. she’s an excellent dog mom and just genuinely a good person. she has all of the best qualities in a person that you could find. i just don’t know how to show her that she’s so much more than her beauty. especially when she won’t talk to me.

This may be long but if you are willing to read all of it and understand my situation I would really appreciate it as I’m going through a lot mentally and don’t know what to do. met this girl online around late October of 2022. She lived in a different state to me and we instantly clicked. We would FaceTime basically every night make eachother laugh and smile and have the best time even on the phone. Eventually after 3 months she visited me for 6 days paying for her own flight. Later did I find out that the day after she left to go back home. She went to a party got drunk and cheated on me. I however was hiding my phone from her when she had flew over here because I was doing the exact same thing and she could tell. A week after she left I did the exact same thing and cheated. I never thought I would see her again. We continued to talk for about a month and a half over FaceTime. And then I ended our talking stage. We stopped talking and A month after that (may 2023) she moves to my city and plays it off like she just wanted to move here because she liked it even tho it was pretty obvious it was because of me. I was still sleeping with other women as we had no boundaries and were just friends. At one point (June 2023) I had even gone to the club hooked up with two girls and then gone back to her house to hook up with her (as friends). Around the start of august we started to get really close and I started to really appreciate her for moving here to try and get me back (which she wouldn’t admit till we started dating) and in September we started dating. I had genuinely fallen in love with this girl and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She’s the only one I’ve ever clicked with. She would do everything I say clean cook we had great sexual chemistry. I’ll spare the rest but. in November of 2023 I found out she cheated back in February a day after she left from seeing me for the first time. We wernt dating but we were talking and had boundaries. It absolutely killed me. I found out by messaging someone she had blocked who then told me. Which she denied and said he was trying to flirt with her and she denied him. I honestly believed it because this guy was so overweight and pretty unattractive. But it never left my mind. I would constantly pester her about it asking her if she’s lying or telling the truth and eventually she admits that she kissed Him once then pulled away and that when she went back to her friends house after were they were all staying for the night she fell asleep and woke up to him with a condom on, turned her over a slightly put it in before she pushed him off and said I’m talking to someone please leave. She did admit she turned over willingly and as soon as she felt something she stopped it. Who knows if any of it is true tho. She also went to extreme lengths to try and hide it from me. Like telling the party host to lie to me the party hosts bf ect which they all showed me proof of her saying via text. I loved this girl so much and she still loves me. It was so long ago and we wernt dating I wasn’t ever planning on dating her either. But after she moved here for me and we got closer I fell in love with her. And now I am absolutely broken. At the end of the day I have done so much worse and the only reason she cheated was because I was obviously doing the same thing. I just can’t get over it I really loved her. She Sacrificed her family just to move here and try and get me back and made me feel so loved. What should I do

Hi!
I really don’t know where to start with this one. It’s definitely going to be a long post as I don’t want to miss on any potentially crucial detail, hence apologies for posting something this long.
Here’s my best attempt at summarizing what happened without losing on any detail (feel free to ask for clarification if anything isn’t clear):

• I bought a proxmark3 rdv4 as part of a kit which also comes with several of its accessories from an online website selling these kinds of things.
• When I received it, I noticed several smudges on the device itself and the cards that came with it where scratched up to severely, which immediately alarmed me but I really tried to brush it off to just being caused by the manufacturing process.
• Three days after first receiving it, it completely died on me during usage. And showed no signs of life whatsoever.
• Naturally contacted the online website’s support and explained the situation, and they responded asking me to try some troubleshooting steps to try to isolate the issue and potentially fix it remotely, all of which didn’t work.
• Hence they offered to look into it themselves by having me send it back to them.
• However, I insisted on returning the full kit back for a full refund as it is no longer fit for purpose due to both being defective and the fact that I wouldn’t trust a replacement either to not fail the same way now that I experienced this. And since this was 3 days since receiving it, and even 4 days since placing the purchase, it was well within the 14 days period the Consumer Rights Act 2015 allows for. Hence I asked them to just return the full kit for a full refund instead.
• Yet they (or shoud I say he as it turns out this “company” is actually just one person) refused and said since I now opened it I am no longer eligible for a refund and kept insisting that sending it back for repaireplacement was my only option. (Which is nonsense as how was I supposed to even know it was defective if I didn’t open it!!!). They even went as far as stating their ToS also states that defective items aren’t eligible for a refund even if they are within the 14 day period (which is also nonsense as even their own ToS states that you can return faulty items for a full refund within 14 days. And either way the Consumer Rights Act 2015 gives me this right regardless of what their ToS say).
• Then things started getting even more suspicious with this sellecompany. They started ignoring my emails stating my rights under the Consumer Rights Act 2015, and just resending the same email asking me if I accept to return it for a repair or replacement. Obviously I was not going to say yes as then they will use that against me and say I accepted to not get a refund but have it replaced instead.
• So having paid by PayPal, it seemed straightforward. Just open up a dispute, explain the situation clearly and upload evidence. Which is exactly what I did.
• Then through the PayPal disputes seller-buyer chat you get when first opening a dispute to try to sort things out together first, the seller again insisted on this whole ToS nonsense and then asked for the item back and provided a returns address but wouldn’t provide a returns label unless I accepted not to get a refund (again, not going to say yes to that). So what I did was instead return it under my own dime through Royal Mail Special Guarantee so there’s clear evidence. And uploaded the tracking details to the dispute.
• Item gets delivered with proof of delivery and a signature and everything (because I thankfully decided to send it special guarantee), yet the seller kept asking for it back and not acknowledging that it’s already been delivered. (Even more suspicious!).
• And when I clearly stated even the tracking showing proof of delivery and everything, suddenly the story changed and the seller now has it back… and then things got even more interesting.
• The seller went above and beyond straight up making false statements claiming I damaged and modified the item (which I didn’t do). And the funny thing is, not only is what he was saying contradicting with the manufacturer’s own instructions, but his false allegations even contradict themselves! For example, he said the device outer cover is sealed and that I broke the seal and forced the cover open against the manufacturer’s usage instructions. Yet then claimed the tool which is INCLUDED in the box by the manufacturer specifically to open the casing showed signs of usage. Anyone with a brain without even knowing a thing about the device would instantly realize: Why would the manufacturer seal a device and not condone opening it yet include a tool specifically to do exactly that? And to add to that, the reason why you would open the outer casing is to access a SIM slot under there, which you then plug an also INCLUDED SIM-SAM adapter to that slot to use it… hence again, why would the manufacturer include an adapter in the box which can’t even be used without opening the plastic cover. And mind you all of these are part of the main device box, these aren’t the additional accessories that also came with the kit. Hence none of these could have possibly been aftermarket things not recommended by the manufacturer. See how even someone who doesn’t know anything about the device can instantly tell how these allegations conflict with each other? And to add to that, the seller also claimed that I admitted that I flashed aftermarket software to the device and that the device failed immediately after, and pointed towards one of my emails who he previously claimed he never received (again! Super obvious lie!). Yet that wasn’t what I even said, I said that I updated it to the latest version exactly as the manufacturer getting started docs instruct you to, and it was working fine (hence the failure did not occur after the update!) and the failure only happened 3 days later while I was just reading one of the included NFC cards (yes, one of the ones scratched). Hence again, more clear lies.
• So at that point I clearly explained exactly how his lies conflict each other and conflict with the manufacturer instructions and supplied proof as well with manufacturer documentation and the full terminal log showing all of the things I did and commands I ran with the device, and escalated the claim for PayPal to review.
• PayPal despite saying they will provide a verdict in 5 days, took weeks and them suddenly asked me to provide a police report. Yet when contacting the local police they said they don’t deal with these kind of things (which I expected), so now I am being asked for something that the police don’t even provide. Gave the PayPal customer service a call and explained that… and they rudely just kept repeating that I have to provide that or else my case will be closed in the seller’s favor.
• After looking around I found the action fraud website so reported the incident there and thankfully the report letter you get after submitting mentions it being a police service, hence that would definitely work. So I went ahead and supplied that to the dispute and again it said they will provide a verdict within 5 days. This time they took even longer than last time and after keeping me on my toes for possibly a month+ they just simply rejected the claim saying I modified/damaged the item effectively blindly siding with the seller despite the clear lies and despite the clear explanation and evidence I supplied showing that.
• So I appealed the decision and this time re-wrote the full explanation and evidence in case it wasn’t clear the first time and emphasized everything and made sure it was super clear with numbered bullet points and everything. Yet again they took their time and kept me waiting for weeks, eventually rejecting the appeal too for the same reason. (Clearly they couldn’t be bothered to even read a work I said nor even use any brain cells to see how obvious the lies are from the seller).
• Once your appeal gets rejected then there’s no way to re-open the dispute anymore nor create a new one. So rang the PayPal support again and explained the situation and after the agent looked at the dispute even he agreed that the sellers lies were as clear as day and that my explanation and evidence further proves that, and was confused as to why it got rejected. So he said he will escalate to their head office and I should receive a response in 3 working days. And I immediately asked him: They rejected it twice already and blindly sided with the seller, wouldn’t they just do the same? And he assured me that the head office is a different team from the team that handled the dispute.
• Over 2 weeks later… and I still haven’t heard back from anyone. So I gave them another ring. This time the agent that I got straight up started blaming me for “modifying” the item and saying the same nonsense and after straight up going over how all of them are lies (the same way I went over that twice already in my dispute and appeal, but this time I could actually say it verbally in real time to him as it was a phone call), he kept coming up with random nonsense excuses like saying PayPal disputes don’t handle defective items (which is nonsense) and then also went on saying that since the failure occurred 3 days after and not immediately it’s also not covered (again, nonsense), so I reminded him of my rights under the Consumer Rights Act 2015 and he went on saying but that’s not what they PayPal ToS says, and I also reminded him of the signs of usage I also clearly mentioned in the dispute and appeal hence even the item wasn’t as described as it was advertised as new (which in itself entitles me to a full refund even if the device hadn’t failed) and I straight up told him PayPal operates in the UK and all UK laws apply to them and they can’t legally deny my rights regardless of what their ToS says (and by the way, nowhere in the ToS either was it saying anything this guy was claiming). So regardless of what I kept saying he just kept coming up with excuses and nonsense so I knew that phone call was going nowhere. He even went as far as saying that I should resolve this with the seller directly (AS IF I HAVENT BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT FROM THE BEGINNING TO NO AVAIL WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO FILE A DISPUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!).
• At that point I had reached a dead end as the seller wasn’t cooperating, PayPal was blindly siding with him regardless of what I did, and to top this off and I couldn’t even file a dispute with my bank as I had used my card from my home country, and apparently when I spoke to them they said they don’t even file disputes unless the item simply hasn’t arrived (which in itself is just stupid on top of all of the stupidity I have faced so far).
• So now I was out £509.99 for the kit, plus the £7.65 I paid out of pocket for postage to return it (which honestly I could have written off if I would have at least gotten the money for the kit refunded), and now I don’t even have the device nor the whole kit as that’s been returned to the seller. So I am out both the money and the kit. And the seller gets to keep the whole kit and probably scam someone else with it as well, plus gets to keep the money.
• So I now filed a case with the financial ombudsman as it been wayyyyyyyyyyyy over 8 weeks and PayPal still hasn’t resolved this nor even wants to (thankfully didn’t need a final response letter due to how long it’s taken otherwise that in itself would have been a nightmare to try to get from PayPal judging by my experience with them so far). But I am honestly not hopeful at all as I have never my life ever won an ombudsman case, as they always blindly side with the company (yes, the same way PayPal blindly sided with the seller), hence no wonder companies confidently refer you to them because they know you probably won’t win.

Hence all of that being said, what are my options now? I am guessing probably small claims court, but if I lose that too then I will also be out the fees for that on top of the already massive losses. Plus I am an international student hence won’t be in the UK over the summer and my schedule during the academic year might not give me time to attend the hearing. Plus I can’t speak legalese and I am generally terrible at communicating on the spot due to my ADHD, hence that also won’t be in my favor. And I can’t afford to have someone represent me either.
I am really sorry if I am sounding super negative, I just really don’t know how to handle this, especially considering how much money I lost now which in itself has been a nightmare.
Any advice would greatly be appreciated whether here or through DMs (my DMs are open if you don’t feel comfortable sharing advice here).
Thanks!

Please be nice in the replies, this is a real situation that I am currently extremely stressed about. I do not need to hear about how badly I am fucking up in life, I am aware what I was doing was extremely stupid and I don't need anyone else telling me anymore. I will be detailing what happened during the arrest and my previous criminal record so it can be better understood where I am at currently.
Burner account for this one. I (16M) was arrested Around 3 weeks ago on the US-Mexico border and am currently waiting to receive a court date in the mail. I am going to be charged with Conspiracy to Aid and Abet illegal aliens, Conspiracy to Transport Illegal Aliens, Conspiracy to Harbor Illegal Aliens, Driving without a License and Driving without Insurance. I was tailed and pulled over by CBP around 20 minutes away from the border on the Tohono O'odham reservation and initially they thought I may have been drunk because I had been swerving a little while back on the road but they quickly saw I was clearly not drunk, and that I did not have a driver's license (only a permit) and that I was also not a local on the reservation (which meant that I was trespassing on tribal land unknowingly) and the officers (around 3) immediately knew what my intention was and called my parents telling them the situation and asking for the pass code for my phone. The officer unlocked my phone and immediately started searching my messages, uncovering pin drops* and communication between me and my "boss" about transporting illegal immigrants. I was arrested on the spot and the local pd was called to come inform me that I was trespassing on their land. They left me in the back of the cop car for around 4 hours while they were searching my phone and the car I was using and talking to local police. Upon leaving to go back to the border patrol station, I requested to have my seatbelt put on which was ignored and then the officer proceeded to drive 25 over in the middle of 2 lanes with no emergency lights on. Nothing eventful happened when I got to the border patrol station and I was in a cell for a few hours until my mother was available to pick me up at a shell station somewhere nearby. On the way to the gas station to get picked up, the officer driving decided to respond to a different situation that was going on which resulted in me having to wait in the cop car for another hour or so. Nothing else happened after that until we got to the pickup spot and as I was exiting the car, the border patrol officers talking to my mom began to taunt me and make fun of me and crack jokes about me going to jail. I also thought I should mention that my Miranda rights were never read during or after my arrest/at the station. Some more helpful information is that I am currently waiting for another court date for a separate arrest in the past for minor misdemeanor charges which I will be going to in June. I have had a few other incidents involving other arrests, but these charges were dropped. REALISTICALLY, how fucked am I and what could I be facing? Do these conspiracy charges carry the same punishment as if I actually committed the crime? Did any of these officers do anything wrong other than not reading me my rights, and if so, can I use it in court to help my case? Can these charges be expunged from my record when I am 18? Any and all advice and answers to these questions are GREATLY appreciated.

• location of illegal immigrants

TL;DR: I (16M) was arrested for 3 felony charges and 2 misdemeanors after being caught on the us mexico border with evidence that I was about to help Illegal immigrants over. Officers treated me like shit and didn't read my my Miranda rights. How fucked am i?

I wanted to post this because I see many going through a similar, tough buying time. I hope my story gives you a boost and helps you keep going. There is my sad backstory that you can skip to "Dec, 2020" that starts the home journey. This post is extremely long but emotional for me. Please be kind.
The only house i ever lived in was my uncles, for 2 years (age 3-5) before he removed us.
My mother suffers from many tribulations, and it was reflected in life. We apartment hopped for all of my childhood. I'll never forget how hurt I was, leaving behind my valuables everytime we downsized, (dressers, my desk, doll houses etc) being cramped, no pets allowed (i love animals), neighbors banging on their ceilings when I played, hearing families fight as if they next to me, smoke coming in the windows, constant new neighbors, roaches and other infestations due to neighbors, etc.
My mom would drive around and say, “this is going to be our new house!” And get my hopes up, but it never happened. My sister (she's 5 years older) said she would buy a house for us all, and that lasted a few months before we were evicted again, moving to another apartment.
I asked constantly when we could get a house like my uncle or sister. My father had one (my parents divorced when I was an infant), and when I visited, I wished I had my own backyard, pets. I was jealous of my friends who lived in houses. I would pretend vacant homes were mine, walk to the new homes being built, and watch their progress. Imagine my future in it where my kids would know stability.
After Bullying in school (from 4th - 12th grade), SA from my father, (i was 15) neglect, abuse, depression, self harm, apartment hopping, I was desperate to move out and away once I turned 16 (emancipation). I moved from NJ when i was 18 to FL and started my own downhill spiral of DV, homelessness, repossessions, and other mentally and physically draining circumstances that pushed my limits, money, and everything
In 2017, I picked up my pieces and gathered them, alone, to AZ into the best apartment and neighborhood i ever had. I told myself that after a year, I was going to buy a home there. In 2018, I reached out to realtors and was told all I needed to do was pay off 2k of credit card debt to qualify for 250-300k. The dumbest decision I ever made was saying spending 2k was stupid. I wish I had the recourses, support, anything, or anyone to tell me to do it. had I done it, I could have bought my dream home then for 200-275k
In Dec 2020, I had been with my now husband for 3 years, went through hell in the apartments he wanted us to move to for more space, away from that neighborhood I loved. Someone stole our bikes, smoked weed next to our window, and then our new car was stolen and required 3k in repairs. I was miserable. I wanted to end the cycle of apartments and putting away my wants and needs, so we decided to begin paying things off to get pre qualified. Then came the new battlefield.
As you all know, 2021 until today, it hasn't been a buyers market. I had no idea what any of that meant until I was told I was approved to start putting in offers in January 2022. We were pre approved for a max of FHA 350k from a lender that I was sure had our backs after getting tons of denials and pisspoor brokers who couldn't care less about my childhood dream. I pulled up the MLS and saved about 30 homes a week, if not more, that were 375k and below, all the way down to 150k trailer homes, condos, townhomes, and houses.
Half of those listings were sold (pending) within 5 days. the other half we were bidding upwards against. I couldn't believe it. I was told the market is hot, lots of people selling their homes in bordering states and putting higher end offers on the homes in our price range because they were selling their homes for 500k and using the differences to buy the cheap homes. The others were investors.
After doing all of the work for my husband and roommate and then some to qualify, I was now battling 15+ people on one home multiple times. I was told to try going further out. The market I was in was too desirable. I was like, REALLY? PEOPLE GET SHOT HERE ONCE A WEEK, HOW IS THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, "HOT"??? I was told to shop beneath my budget, shop outside the location I wanted, everything you are all being told today to, "land a home, stay in it for five years, then sell it and get what I want." But I heard none of it, I wanted my DREAM home on my first buy, which wasn't a lot.
All I wanted was a 1300-2000sqft home with a front and backyard for my dog and kids, a house that didn't need a crap ton of repairs, and a neighborhood I felt comfortable in so that I wouldnt have to deal with all the things I did since I was little. I didn't care if it was upgraded, carpeted, or tile, old or new, I just wanted space, safety, a yard.
It didn't matter. Even if I sacrificed a yard, square footage, whatever, I was getting outbid. Every home I could afford was being bought in cash, waiving inspections, having a 14 day close, and/or being bought 25k to upwards of almost 200k over asking even if it was a fixer upper!! I could not compete.
In April, I FINALLY had an offer accepted in a town that was 30 minutes from work, building up, and beautiful. I was willing to sacrifice commute time and everything for this beautiful house that checked all the boxes. It was 2,060 sqft, upstairs and downstairs, a 5k lot, in a beautiful neighborhood. We were able to get a third cosigner (lomg time friend) to up our income and get to 375k. But then I found out my preapproval wasn't so pre approved.
Having a 3rd co signer meant nothing. We needed to reserve money that we weren't informed about, DPA wanted us to pay off more debt, and we needed more income than the THREE of us had. I was livid, why didnt they tell us any of this? Why did they say our income was enough, and the DPA would cover everything?! I knew nothing, I tell you, nothing, and I should have researched more. But I was desperate.
My grandma stepped in. First, she needed a credit score. She opened up an unsecured credit card for 300. Bought gum, paid it off. We did a rapid rescore, and it shot her up to 7 freggin 735, SEVEN THIRTY FIVE LMFAO, and then we needed her social security letters. Which took two weeks too long, pushing back a close the seller REALLY WANTED TO CLOSE ON, which my realtor convinced them to hold off. Well, guess what? My grandma doesn't have a government id. She hadn't updated her id since 2005. No biggie, we'll get her to the DMV, which we had to reschedule online to 3 different locations. Well, guess what? Her mail, old id, her social security card, AND BIRTH CERTIFICATE all had DIFFERENT VARIATIONS of her name, and DMV couldn't verify her identity.
It would take two months to correct those issues. I threw my phone, scratched my arms to oblivion, fell on my knees, and cried. The lender said there was no way the loan was to be approved without Grandma. My sweet Grandma of 4 different names. I feel the tears, even now. I lost it. I fought for a home all my life and lost it because of being uninformed, way too broke ( I know I know), and then some. I felt like the universe was against me.
So May comes around, and my realtor says, "Listen, let's try this. Let's do rent to own. They pay for everything, and then you save, fix your credit, and buy the house back at the value of the contract paying the difference in appraisal if need be."
I was so broken that I did it. Back to the MLS, we still couldn't get a home in our price range in the neighborhoods I wanted. Rental price was going to be 3,100, so... we stuck to the 30-minute away neighborhood, and oh god, was that a new mistake. The first house we put an offer in on was accepted immediately. It was the smoothest process I'd ever seen in comparison to the hell I'd just gone through. I checked the MLS every day, watched homes I saved while I rented go pending or under contract in a week, or sell for over asking.
My heart sunk when all the homes I wanted and lost out to were back on the market as a rental property, or were slightly updated prices 50k-100k higher than before. Homes were being sold by opendoor, or rental from the very people I used to buy to rent from. I couldn't believe to this day how many homes I lost out to, sitting vacant for MONTHS prices dropping and dropping as the feds raised the interest rates. I went to open houses, asked what people wanted for offers (so I could be informed when I was ready), and knew my chances were getting slimmer and slimmer.
All the while, my commute was the devil. Traffic galore, accidents making my drive time go from 30-2 hours to and from. It was far from family, the mileage on my car grew so fast, my tires were wearing faster. The home was way too big for us (2765 sqft) and difficult to maintain. Beautiful home and town, but not for me.
The rent was also too high. It said it would be 2500, but wound up being 3100 after all of the damn fees they didn't disclose until AFTER WE WERE UNDER CONTRACT sflkghskg The electric bill was 6x the amount (bad company. People in that town are begnning to organize), water bill company demands 100 dollars no matter the usage (we only use about 60$), and the gas prices increased so high I was putting 60 dollars every 3 days in my car.
Then, my precious cat that followed me from NJ to AZ that had been with me through all of the DV, mental breaks, homelessness, had suffered from strokes. She was a stick, walking in circles, giving nothing but love. I tried everything I could, paid thousands to save her, but in the end, all I did was prolong her and my suffering. She passed in my arms. I love you and miss you, Emma.
Other life things happened, and by December, I had 200 dollars in the bank. When my income tax came, I applied for loans and said Im going to try the DPA and stuff again, It was either that, or rent a smaller house or apartment but seeing the market repeat my 2021 experience, I had to try with what I had. My goal was to get back to the neighborhood I wanted. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I switched realtors based on a recommendation from FB. Random person said this lady would fight for me like no one else would. This realtor recommended me a lender, she said it could make miracles happen. I almost didn't do it because I had been let down by 2 other lenders before this one in 2023, but screw it. I followed his advice to the T of what to pay down, what to keep, and what to negotiate with. We gave him our 401ks info, our paystubs, had 3 of us on the loan, and explained we had no downpayment, just money for closing costs.
The market, at this point, slowed down due to the interest rates but was beginning to pick up. A lot of the homes we put offers on didn't like our asks. Which was disappointing, but I understood. What seller would want to pay closing costs for us so our payment assistance would go strictly to the home when they could accept the few cash, investor, or better conventional loan offers? The homes were going below listing, which was cool, but not quite in my 365k max range.
Until I gave way a little bit. There were 2 townhomes. One that was detached and had the most gorgeous yard Id ever seen for where it was at, and the inside was completely upgraded and bigger than it looked with a gorgeous mountain view from the master. But it was in a neighborhood that gave me goosebumps. No wonder they would accept 365k and pay everything should we put in our offer lol I couldn't do it, though. I didn't want to sacrifice being comfortable in my home safely to have a house. It was the first and only time I was picky.
At first, that seemed like a mistake, as the only other home I thought would accept our offer in my dream neighborhood said the seller had a specific number they wanted to sell at, which wasnt 365k, it was 375k. I wasn't going to get a home after all. I knew my ask was tough, and I wasn't going to get a house despite trying for another 3 months. I gave up. But then... I thought about something. That townhome in the neighborhood of my dreams, they wanted 375k? I restructured our ask to get to that 375k. A few hours later, my realtor texted me if she could call. It was urgent.
I was at work and went into the office and called. THE SELLER ACCEPTED OUR OFFER, THEY ACCEPTED OUR EFFING OFFER! THEY ACCEPTED IT!!!! I cried so hard, hyperventilated, cried some more, and told myself I wasn't going to get excited. I had this happen before, after all.
Well, guess what? Long story short, after hurdles during this closing as well, needing to push it back for this or that, WE CLOSED!! WE CLOSED ON THE HOUSE, IT WAS MINE!!! IT IS MINE!
The seller paid for all of the closing costs. DPA paid the downpayment at 3%. The rate was 6.85%, DPA loan at 8%. I paid for the appraisal and inspection, that's it. Only 1100 out of pocket. Monthly payment was 2865, my max, but it is MINE and EVERYTHING I wanted besides having a huge yard (it's still a decent sized yard) and open kitchen Home is 8 min from work (bye bye crappy commute!),community has incredible amenities, sub division has a pool, HOA covered roof (it was new anyway), new AC, new dishwasher, freshly painted, 3 beds 2 and a half baths, 1400sqft, 2 car garage with driveway, upstairs and downstairs like I always imagined, and so much more.
Every hurdle, every tear, every breakdown, taught me what I needed to know and led me to home. After saving for a year with the cheaper electric, water, gas prices, and mortgage, we just refinanced. Got a 5.75% rate (I thought it was 5.32, but after we closed today, it was 5.75%), the home appraised for 395k with no changes besides adding a fridge and new oven. The equity paid every penny of the refinance and the DPA loan. My mortgage is now 2550. For us, this is affordable now that we are debt free and still have savings!
I got my home with the most undesirable circumstances. I may be an exception, not the rule, but if my pathetic self can do it, i promise. You can, too. Don't be defeated. Don't let the investors win.
You need to win.

Bare with me as with might be a long and confusing story.
Was with my ex fiancé 25 male (I am 27 female) for almost 6 years. I gave birth to our beautiful daughter 2 years ago. I had many concerns about my ex fiancé since the first day when he called her a bitch in the hospital ( this is the day she was born) I remember feeling absolutely sick to my stomach. ( I will also add that he was not present for the birth of our daughter which I constantly feel guilty about; I had previously made jokes that I did not want him in the room I was not serious at the time but truthfully I already felt so violated I didn't want him seeing what i imagine was a horrific scene) I actually did kick him out of the delivery room but only because he was cussing at me and screaming at me about five minutes before I was about to push, this was the only time I ever cried during labor, and told him to please just leave.
He went to the waiting area and came back shortly after I had my daughter The first thing he said to me is how his mother and whole family said, I was crazy for not allowing him in the delivery room, note, his mom is extremely malicious, manipulative, psychotic narcissist, who demands control of everything if she doesn't get it, she loses her mind but we will get to that part later.
Fast forward to get home from the hospital and the first six months of my daughters life were hell only because of her father he would constantly threaten to break her legs or neck when she was crying. He rarely helped me. I stayed up every night all night when she was a reverse cycling . He constantly insulted me made me feel worthless. One day when we were having a fairly great day he randomly said to me no man would want to be with me because I had a child. He he wanted me to stay home, but as I wanted to contribute, I tried to go back to work a few months later. It was only about three days a week, this lasted for maybe a month his mom would come over during this period of time and his mom physically caught him one morning screaming "shut the fuck up bitch" at our then 3 month old baby.she texted me about it followed by delete this text. I was very naive since I actually deleted the text which i really regret as we are in a custody battle and this would have really helped me out. I know the most shameful part is I know I should've left much sooner I should've left the first time he her called her a bitch but I kept thinking if I continued to talk to him about it, he would get better but it only got worse Me and my daughter end up leaving for a few weeks after physical altercation with her father we stayed with my mom, but after a lot of convincing from her father. We were returned not long after. This did not last long as once again we left permanently about a month after this. From the beginning of us, not getting along and me leaving the first time his mother posted publicly to Facebook and tagged my parents in psychotic rambling post about how terrible a person I am she would send me actual novels number one through 20 of every single thing that's wrong with me
I usually don't stand up for myself but to her I did, I didn't care. She was so absolutely evil and such a narcissist, calling me the worst names I would clarify and correct her often Anyways, while at my mom's house I received a call from my daughters father in the middle of the night He said "you really fucked up this time" screaming you can tell he was in the car driving very fast I was terrified I repeatedly I called him and his mom I believed was coming to harm us and had no idea what he was talking about Turns out, he thinks I myself , or sent someone to his home, or the home we lived in previously to steal his guns, which I would never do I thought this is a just another way for them to continue harassing me even after I had left turns out investigators came to my house twice and I gave them the full story and even suggested his mom did it because I truly believe she did have part in that and wanted to try to get me in trouble anyway she could as is her motive Due to all the concerns I had I did file for primary not sole, but primary custody of my daughter with him having visitation Instead of responding to this one day when I dropped my daughter off on the two days a week, he would have her his mother and her attorney with held my daughter and wouldn't give her back until I signed what but feels like a blackmailing document just to get my daughter back in court this is referred to as under duress In this document, there were so many stipulations, but only to me he would get temporary split custody. Also, they listed my own family members in that could never be around my daughter, their own family. After a judge denied the order for emergency temporary custody they still refused to return her which is why I had to sign the document I hadn't been separated from my daughter, for maybe more than 36 hours in her life now at eight months old, she has been taken from me for more than a week. Signing that document was the hardest thing ever for me, but I couldn't stand to be a part for my daughter any longer His mom continued daily, if not more to make psychotic post about me, and my family post memes about me claiming I owed her money for a car that she bought for me 5 years prior And in five years no one had ever mentioned this car until she was angry. Made post about suing me for the car and I also responded Where are the documents? Where is the contract? I didn't sign anything. His family/mom has money, and she looks down very much and everyone else. In may the same year he was arrested for some very violent scary crimes. I won't go into detail too much, but assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill along with many other charges, kind of sums it up over a random road rage incident with an individual he did not even know.
His bond was very low and he was out within hours still had the same job We went to court for this and what the judge determined is not what happened his attorney, much like every trial would call the judge afterwards and get him to change his mind or send him a document to sign even after signing previous documents likely because this judge didn't care to read through anything His mother continued to make my life a living hell I just wanted so badly to be out of this no more stress no more mental and emotional decay. She actually sent messages to someone one of them was 20,000 words long about me breaking into his car, putting trackers in his car, breaking into his brothers car, smashing his mailbox, paying people to go inside of his job and tell him he was going to kill him , trying to get someone to run him off the road and my favorite hiring someone who he was in the road rage incident with
Obviously this never occurred because if it did, they would have a party to and call the police to get me in trouble as once again this is mothers main goal
During this time, she also sent fake screenshots of text messages allegedly from me to my ex fiancé. They were very obviously fake not the way either of us would ever text/ incorrect contact names no timestamps we also both have iPhones. The messages are green, but she kept insisting the person reviewing the text to " show me show me " a.k.a. harassment my attorney advised me not to say anything they would have her deposed then ask why she's doing this get her to say it on camera, and that was the best way however, after filing for deposition, she actually tried to file for a protection order from ME and no one went through with anything.
I know I can't actually blame this on her, but whenever I was driving without my daughter in the car of my brain would not stop. All I did was rack my brain of what her calculated motive was for sending these text messages they terrified me I thought she was going to murder me, my daughter or son After leaving my third day of a new job and I wrecked my car so bad it was totaled and I am lucky to be alive this same morning I recall telling my friend that morning at work that there's something wrong with me I couldn't sleep I couldn't eat this woman was actually tearing me apart and I thought I was going to get in a car accident. She would text me this whole time pretending to be her son from her sons phone number just crazy long harassing messages when I was at work, she pulled a million stunts trying to make me look bad just would not stop at all costs when was determined to take my daughter for herself. It was very clear she ruined her first child and she wanted another try After filing for her to be deposed, she is now suing me for allegedly over $30,000 which I do not have for the car that she claims I owed money on as well as back rent, which I never agreed to I would pay contributions whenever I could because her son paid nothing for rent or other expenses however there was never an agreement. Recently, during mediation for her suing me, she pulled out false contracts with many errors wrong address, wrong dates for example this car was totaled on Christmas day of 2018. Due to someone rear ending me, the contracts she falsified have a date of January 2019 but why would I sign contracts for a car that was already totaled and no longer in existence she also for forged signatures so terribly it was actually insulting
My attorney could already tell that that was a forged contract because the signatures we're not mine and I stated I would not be paying her a dime as I would like her to get in trouble for fraud, falsifying, documents, and forgery. I'll actually look forward to court even though it's wasting me a whole lot of time and money Which is exactly what she wants.
The worst part of this is a few weeks prior my daughters father has been kind of friendly, which was odd. He wanted to go to movies, I thought, as friends, and was kind of happy to be over with the hateful drama, but he didn't want to just be friends, and I very stupidly, went along with us not realizing in my heart I still had feelings for him After this mediation, which he knew was going to happen, and I knew I was going to make it clear I did not sign anything he got mad and said after promising multiple times and trying to convince me we just need to make rebuild our family trust each other again nothing else matters I foolishly believed him until the day of mediation when he got mad that I did exactly what I said, I was going to do, and said we should try this again when all the court stuff is done, I have never felt so stupid and angry and betrayed in my life I sent him a long text detailing everything that happened the fact that I was reluctant and said no and I resisted he was and he promised this was best for everyone to do and for our daughter to have her parents together and I just wanted my daughter have the best life possible
After ignoring him for a few days, he said he's gonna come over to talk and once again, couldn't make it has he's done many times in the past and said we could do it another day because he had to go to another boys night/meeting with his coworkers, but he was actually going to be drinking and getting fucked up couldn't even take an hour to come talk and see our daughter Fast fwd to tonight and while he was with these friends, I was so infuriated and beyond done I said to him several text messages explaining how terrible he had been a human being, and how stupid I was to actually believe him how we have never had a future after this, and I didn't know I had in my life ever again Embarrassingly they are very, very long text and I like quadruple texted. Haven't heard a word from him I don't think I will and once again the most embarrassing I feel I still have feelings for him, which makes me so angry. I wish he just left me alone and never tried to start anything again I was fine until I agreed to start this all over again I am so devastated and so sad, I wish I had never met him The only thing I'm grateful for is our daughter but I feel badly. Just want these feelings to go away. I'm so upset I've been crying I just don't understand how he could tell me how sorry he was and how much he loved me and just staring and holding me for hours to now three weeks later, going right back up his mom's ass as he will clearly always side with her and never me
This is my first Reddit Post- admittedly, it's very scrambled and this might b more of I fucked up situation or am I an asshole for actually giving him another chance. Keep in mind we still have to go to court for permanent custody and other things. What should I do? I want so badly to ignore him and to not have any feelings for him again but he is the only person I have ever truly loved He now has quite an ego currently of having the upper hand, as I believe he just wanted see if I would take him back and I did and that's all the validation he needed.

I (18 F) live with my husband who’s in the Navy (19 M). When he was in training, he had a roommate who I’m gonna call Eric (20 M). He got his orders a few months back so we moved and what do you know, Eric gets the same orders too. Same EXACT orders. Same city, same ship, same birthing (where they sleep), same job, same job level (job and job level are two different things), same everything; meaning they were gonna be stuck together for the next five years.
Now I haven’t ever had a problem with Eric. As far as I knew, he pretty much just kept to himself and played video games. I knew he had a wife, but I didn’t know much about her initially, never really heard about her until Eric started coming to our apartment to hang out.
It’s important to note that he got married while he was in A-School so his BAH didn’t process for months, meaning he was legally required to live on the ship until his BAH kicked in. Because of this, his wife who we’ll call Diane (19 F) couldn’t move here to live with him yet.
During the first two and a half months here, Eric would occasionally come over and spend the night. One of the times he was at our place, he gave me Diane’s Snapchat because I had mentioned that I wasn’t good at making friends and was worried I’d be lonely. For anyone who doesn’t know, companionship of some kind is crucial when your spouse goes on deployment as it can get extremely lonely and make you feel isolated. Even if it’s just a dog, you need to have support.
Diane texted me first, introducing herself and asking about things I liked, hobbies, pets, family, etc. We seemed to have a lot in common and I quickly became an outlet for her when Eric and her fought (which was frequently because he was unloyal). I didn’t mind being an outlet for her and was even thrilled she trusted me enough so soon to open up like she did.
We ended up growing close in a short amount of time. So much so, that when she was visiting for their anniversary, I’m the one that picked her up from the airport and I even let her stay at our place. That visit ended up bringing us even closer because I had to spend the whole night nursing her back to health after she got black out drunk and threw up all over my whole bathroom..and I mean the WHOLE bathroom.
About a month and a half after her visit, BAH kicked in and she moved up here and into an apartment with Eric. They invited us over to watch the solar eclipse and have dinner and we ended up spending the night there.
That was just the start to a shit ton of nights spent at her place. From that point on, we have spent damn near every day at their place. Ik you might be wondering how the hell she could even begin to look fake but just hear me out.
Both Eric and my husband (who I’ll call Nick) work the same shift. The night shift. Before Diane moved here, I was used to spending nights alone as Nick had to sleep/ work on the ship frequently but she was scared to be home alone so being a good friend, I went to her place for the night. This became a recurring thing. We have three cats at home so I’d have to remind Nick to stop at our place to feed them, give them water, and change their litter after work every day. The bare minimum amount of care they needed, which made me feel extremely guilty.
Soon, we barely spent any time at our own apartment, which really bothered me because we pay to live there and literally have pets. As time went on, Diane seemed to get more comfortable and by comfortable, I mean rude.
I have a spitfire personality. Diane claims she mirrors other personalities, but in this case, she multiplies it by ten then gives it back. Soon, every time I started to speak, she started mocking me or making the stankest face. Normally things like that don’t bother me, but it was nonstop.
Eventually, I got fed up with being a bum ass mom to my cats and said we needed to spend more time at home, to which Nick agreed. I told Diane that I felt she avoided my place and to show me I was wrong, she reluctantly agreed to spend the night at my place this time. It lasted all of about four hours before she went home since her two dogs barked nonstop the whole time she was gone.
From that point on, she had an excuse (the dogs) but also refused anything I suggested to prevent barking. For example, let one free roam and out the other in a room. Nothing I suggested was good enough for her. Either way though, Nick and I stuck to our word and stayed at our own place.
Today we went out to the aquarium. Any time I would give my phone to Nick to take a pic of me, she’d shove her own phone in Eric’s hand and run to the spot and start posing. And no. She wasn’t trying to take a pic with me. She was simply trying to beat me to it. She did it pretty much the entire time.
After, we went on a double date to a steakhouse and the way she spoke to me felt very belittling. It’s important to note that I have a passion about everything space and took a course in college on it with the intention of eventually getting my degree in general Astronomy.
While we were at dinner she started asking me basic space knowledge thinking I was going to get the answers wrong. By the way, she is fully aware of the extent of my knowledge. One of the questions was “can you even name all the planets?”. The way she asked was condescending and Nick could tell I was beginning to get offended though it was clear that Diane had no clue.
After dinner, we were all supposed to go back to our place to hang out but she found another excuse not to. After her excuse, I decided I needed space from her but still haven’t told her. She has extremely selfish tendencies, has a know-it-all type of attitude (I have never heard her admit being wrong even when she clearly was), and treats me like I’m either below her or just dumb, depending on the day.
She constantly comments on the things I eat (normally leftovers that were kept in the fridge) saying I’m disgusting and making jokes about it to Eric. She laughs like it’s all in good fun but it’s extremely passive aggressive.
I can’t completely stop being friends since our husbands work together and don’t want to have issues with one another for the next five years but I’m not sure how long I can tolerate the constant one sided battle for.