Funny ecards for th birthdays

He would go on and on about a discontinued pen series that apparently made his handwriting stellar. One day his friend managed to get a set on an overseas travel. He put it in a drawer. It was there for a long time. I had started high school. I needed pens for school - and it was just there in the drawer so I took them.
He came home and went ballistic that his pens were missing. He didn't suspect me because I was "the good child". Mom and sibling took the brunt.
Decades later I'm all grown, I have a full time job and I bought boxes of those pens online for his birthday. His smile was worth it. I suppose we both got healed that day.
That was Confession #1. Confession #2:
I've always looked more wealthy that I let om in various social settings: school, workplace, friendships etc. My parents ensured I had enough to dress to the nines and have nice things to present myself nice to the world. Latest fashion clothes, swankiest shoes, the coolest stationaries (I was the kid with 128 crayon box, scented erasers and pencil cases like Smiggle and cartoon backpacks). So people thought I come from money.
The truth is it is all just that - presentation so kids won't make fun of me or isolate me due to poverty. I found out years later Dad ensured I was able to show off in school like this because he would wear his tattered and raggedy uniforms and shoes to school with no books and stationaries and he was treated poorly by teachers and kids alike. He did not want his kids to endure that humiliation. So he would dress nice to work too and dressed us even better. Sometimes when we find out these things about our parents we understand a lot of things.
Confessions #3: I am extremely depressed and think about offing myself all the time. I always get praised for being chill and funny. Nah mate, I literally walk around like an empty shell of a person with nothing in my heart.

Me: evening, how's it going over there
Her: good thanks and yourself?
Me: sweet, I'm also doing fine thanks...I was just checking up on you that's all.
Her: Why??
Me: For no particular reason, I guess it's just how I'm
Me again: Maybe next time on any day I'll wish you a happy birthday just because (was trying to be funny)
Her: For what reasons??
Me: I don't think explaining will help, isn't it normal to just check up on people?
She never answered since then. So am I wrong in all of this, is there something that I missed? I always check up on my contacts and see how their doing, but in this case I don't know where I went wrong. Mind you it's the first time I'm checking up on this person.

my girlfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years now and i have plans to propose next month when we go to greece for my grandpa’s birthday. i have never loved anyone the way that i love her, she’s the best person i know. i personally think she’s the most beautiful girl in the world but that seems to be the problem. for a small backstory she’s always had a toxic relationship with her mom, at least as long as i’ve known her. her mom seems like the type of mom that’s jealous of her daughter which is super weird to me. the first time we visited was christmas break during her freshman year of college and her mom made a lot of backhanded comments towards her. like “this is the kid who stole my beauty” and “i hope you have a backup plan for when school doesn’t work out. try taking up modeling.” (my girlfriend graduated summa cum laude, maintained a 3.9 gpa throughout college and is on track to do the same in grad school.) we don’t visit her mom often and we both kinda shrug off her comments when we do but i didn’t know they held so much weight for her. i recently started a new job for a marketing company after graduating from grad school. they had a social night for the incoming grad school new hires and we both attended the event. i introduced myself to my new colleagues and said “and this is my beautiful girlfriend, x” which she kinda smiled shyly but after that she was distant. we stayed for maybe an hour afterwards and the drive home was silent. when we got home she immediately broke down in tears and asked me why do i love her. i was confused and caught off guard with the question and failed to find an answer before she said “exactly” and went back to her apartment. she sent a series of long text messages explaining how much she hates when i say how beautiful i think she is and that she wishes that i would talk about her qualities without mentioning her looks. before i could respond, she turned off her phone. i went to her apartment, she wouldn’t answer the door. i’ve been sitting outside of her apartment for 4 hours. i sent a text message telling her that she’s so much more than her looks. she’s incredibly smart, she’s kind and gentle. she’s extremely funny. she talented in so many ways. she’s an excellent dog mom and just genuinely a good person. she has all of the best qualities in a person that you could find. i just don’t know how to show her that she’s so much more than her beauty. especially when she won’t talk to me.

Decided sitting around at the house feeling anxious wasn't for me....having no clue when he decided to come back would be or who he will be when he comes back. What kind of bullshit will go on. So I left. At my sister's now where there is nothing but peace and love. Imma stay a few days.
I finally contacted his therapist to let her know my experience and that he told me she said it was okay that he physically threatened me. I had it in writing. She will do what she will do with it. But she needed to know how he interpreted whatever she said. And that he is unstable regardless of how he may appear. I included my therapist as well.
I have decided I cannot be in the house with someone who thinks I should be hit. It was causing me massive anxiety before he left. It still is because i have to get him out of there. I am resolved at this point on it. Just biding my time. Tomorrow is his birthday. I plan on telling him after that.
I'm sad today. Angry in reflection. The audacity of him to continue this distorted narrative. And hate me. For really nothing. Nothing except standing up for myself when it was a bad time for him.
His sister died. And now all that blame and pain is at me. I am the target. I am the devil woman again. And he's totally toxic.
In no healthy relationship does it go from total adoration and love to absolute hate in the blink of an eye. In no healthy relationship does someone berate you for miles down the road. In no healthy relationship does someone flip out and physically threaten you and show no remorse. That's not love. That's abuse. And it's been multiple episodes. This will be the last.
I'm feeling some sort of way. Sad. Angry. Low. Boggled. And my brain is trying to darvo me. Hes not right, no matter how insistent he is about it. But I gotta remember he's the unwell one. He caused the conflict. Hes mentally ill and really only his rage is keeping him going rn.
Funny how they're their most functional in that state. It seems to be their sharpest. They thrive in chaos. Thoughts on that anyone?

Note: This post is very long. There will be two parts.
Mario. The main character of the SMG4 series. He is the mentally challenged "hero" of the Mushroom Kingdom who is constantly getting himself into crazy situations with his friends. But he's changed a lot over the years. Today, I thought it'd be nice if we went back and took a look at all the changes Mario has been through over the years.
In the very beginning, Mario was like his mainstream self; friendly, adventurous, ambitious, and heroic. However, that all changed the day SMG4 arrived. Upon contact with the Guardian Pod, he was transformed into a psychotic beast. He was made immensely dumber, and his personality in general changed a lot, too-for the worst. While SMG4 was able to reverse some of this, turning Mario into an at least somewhat functioning member of society, and made him a little smarter, the damage was already done; Mario would never be the same again.
Following the bastardization of his character, Mario became a menace to society. He gained weight, was lazy, selfish, clumsy, careless, a bit narcissistic, and very, VERY stupid. He antagonized everyone around him; instead of saving Peach from Bowser, he'd usually ignore her, as he'd rather be eating spaghetti. Sometimes, Mario would straight up GIVE Peach to Bowser; and on the few occasions when he DID save Peach, he would almost always vocalize his frustrations to Peach afterwards. This, on top of Mario's general stupidity, led to Peach hating Mario as well, and even her WANTING to be kidnapped by Bowser just to get away from all of Mario's bullshit.
His stupidity terrorized citizens and ruined lives. Major SMG4 villains, like Enzo, were created by Mario's carelessness and stupidity driving him to the verge of insanity. His idiocy annoyed his friends, most notably SMG4, and especially Toad, who grew to resent the plumber so much that it (along with Peach's general treatment of Toads within the castle) lead to him falling into a deep state of depression, developing a candy addiction, having an existential crisis, and straight up wanting Mario to die. Even Luigi, his own brother, would suffer from Mario's stupidity, carelessness, and even malice.
All of this would lead you to believe that Mario was an awful, awful person in the past that deserved no sympathy and deserved to die; and he was. But the thing is, none of this was taken seriously. This was all for entertainment purposes. And it was FUNNY. The truth is, MOST of the SMG4 cast back then weren't much better than Mario.
Princess Peach was naggy and annoying to everybody around her; forcing Mario to do chores for her that she could easily do herself on a daily basis, and even forced him to go with her to watch Super Mario Twilight. She abused her Toads, paying them with peanuts, and essentially keeping them as slaves within the castle.
SMG4, despite being friends with Mario, have gotten into multiple fights with him in the past, and they were constantly finding ways to prank, insult, and upstage one another.
Toad was very greedy, and while his hatred towards Mario and Peach is justified, he has done things to hurt the two that end up hurting a lot of other people as well; for instance, in Toad Gold, he buys the castle from Peach, and kicks out the entire cast. And in President Toad Washington, when he becomes President for a day, he immediately knocks down the castle in attempts to make everyone homeless. Toad is also very hypocritical, as while he is annoyed by Mario's stupidity, he becomes even more annoying whenever he's on a sugar rush, and Mario and Toad have taken turns hating each other throughout the series.
And despite it being common belief that it was all Mario's falt that Enzo went crazy, if he really resorted to homicide because Mario accidentally ruined his birthday, then he clearly wasn't the best person to begin with, and had some deeper-seeded issues that he needed to get sorted out.
The truth is that all of these characters were kind of terrible people, and it was hilarious watching them get into wacky situations together, whether they were fighting each other or working together.
Another thing to note is that, despite Mario's actions, Mario himself is a victim. He was a well-respected hero before getting zapped, and the events that followed him getting zapped had led him to be a very sad, lonely person. Mario's love for spaghetti goes much deeper than it "just being his favorite food", as Luigi, who was also zapped by the Guardian Pod, and has also been shown to love spaghetti, enjoys it to a NORMAL extent; nowhere CLOSE to the level that Mario does.
Mario refers to spaghetti as his "girlfriend" or "wife", having many....sensual moments with it. In the past, Mario has been shown to go into states of insanity, depression, and even attempted suicide in the event that there is no spaghetti. He has stolen and even killed for a plate of spaghetti, and has been shown to love it more than even his own brother. Even when Mario becomes smart in Smart Mario, the thought of no spaghetti drives him insane, to the point of which he builds a machine to steal everyone in town's spaghetti.
But why? Why, even when he's supposedly a genius, does Mario love spaghetti this much? Well, it's because he's lonely. In Meet the Mario, Mario talks about some of his insecurities. He knows that he's not the smartest guy around, and that (at that point in the series) not many people liked him. But as long as he had his spaghetti, he was fine. Spaghetti is the only thing in Mario's life that has never let him down.
On top of all this, Mario still has some good traits. Despite his jerkiness, Mario truly does care about his friends and family (even at this point in the series). For instance, in the first WOTFI, he takes a bullet for SMG4 (despite them trying to kill each other with toilets beforehand.)
And while he doesn't usually show it, Mario still does have some feelings for Peach, as has been shown to have... feelings Peach posters in the past when nobody's looking, asks Toad why Peach doesn't like him in a really early episode (although this one kind of defies itself, as the reasons are shown in a montage of Mario treating Peach horribly, and instead of learning from this, he proceeds to treat her horribly more afterwards.)
Even Toad has had some friendly moments with Mario in the past, such as when Mario attempts to help Toad get Toadette in The Toad, The Fat, and The Ugly; or when Mario and Toad work together to steal some milk. And in the Trip series, Toad always chooses to go with Mario and SMG4 on these crazy Road Trips, despite supposedly hating the two, so he has to like them at least a little. He even goes to see Mario and Meggy win the Splatfest in Meggy's Destiny (although, he doesn't seem interested at all until he sees the trophy, which could just be playing into his greediness).
There are even a few occasions where he's been shown to care for Luigi, such as in the Waluigi Arc, where he shows more care for Luigi than in the entire series.
Mario was also shown to be very strong, and a good fighter; having defeated an army of Teletubbies alongside SMG4 in Bad Stars 2, being able to throw around the animatronics as he pleases (despite them weighing hundreds of pounds) in Freddy's Spaghettiria, and his wrathful rampage that he goes on in Stupid Mario 3D World. Not only this, but his fat could probably crush anyone in his path.
Now, despite caring for his friends, Mario was still mostly seen as a jerky, negative character; often choosing spaghetti over his own friends and family, and generally seeming to care about spaghetti more than anything else. However, that would all change with the introduction of one character: Meggy.

Who is Gary Renard:
Gary is a famous ACIM author. He has written “The Disappearance of the Universe”. He claims to be the reincarnation of the disciple Thomas and he claims his book came to him by inflesh ascended masters. He calls these Arten and Pursah. Purshah is supposedly a future incarnation of Thomas, and Arten a future incarnation of Saint Thaddeus.
Who is Bruce MacDonald:
Following a NDE, Bruce had some mystical experiences. He claims after this he was able to talk to God, Jesus, and in a past life he was the disciple Thomas. He wrote two books about this including “The Thomas Book Near Death, a Quest and a New Gospel by the Twin Brother of Jesus”. There he recounts his adventures as a disciple in Jesus’s inner circle and relays supposedly new teachings about Jesus.
Tragically it appears he died somewhat recently and his website went offline. That had a ton of interesting information about Gary Renard, Thomas, and even the Course in Miracles. But…the good news is much of it is still available from archive.org. Here is an archived sitemap.
The Thomas Conflict:
They both claim to be Thomas! This is extra funny when you consider the original meaning of the word Thomas means twin.
Let’s start with Gary Renard’s claims:

• Supposedly there is a famous past life channeler “Kevin Ryserson”. He was able to interview the incorporeal entity known as Ahtun Re. And Ahtun Re in turn provides many detailed and interesting celebrity past life details. You can read them here (some are jaw dropping…eg Trump = Nero, Putin = Caesar, Biden = Emperor Theodosius). He was friends with Gary and claimed publicly that Gary Renard is the reincarnation of Thomas.
• Gary claims that Pursah is the reincarnation of Saint Thomas and Arten is the reincarnation of St. Thaddaeus…but per Bruce Thaddeaeus is an alias for Didymos Judas Thomas the disciple, so are Arten and Pursah (and Gary) the same person?

Let’s go now to Bruce’s side:

• Kevin Ryserson/Ahtun Re publicly proclaimed that Bruce was not the disciple Thomas, but rather a later scribe who wrote down the Gospel of Thomas.
• But Bruce claimed that Kevin privately told him he was indeed the reincarnation of Thomas, but didn’t want to go public to jeopardize his friendship with Gary.
• Bruce also proclaims his private guides and and Ahtun Re himself confirmed he was the real Thomas
• Bruce claims that Gary is unaware that St. Thomas and Didymos Judas Thomas were separate people, yet impossibly Gary claims to be both. Bruce says a separate person wrote the gospel of Thomas (not Thomas himself) which he claims Gary doesn’t realize.

Did Gary Renard Plagiarize Stephen Patterson and Marvin Meyer
In 1945 the Gospel of Thomas was discovered. Scholars Stephen Patterson and Marvin Meyer translated this into English (http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/gosthom.html).
Renard claimed the ascended master Pursah (future Thomas from the past) dictated to him a new and corrected version of the Gospel of Thomas. This was put into the book “Pursah’s Gospel of Thomas”.
However it appears Bruce did differential analysis on this and the Patterson/Meyer version and discovered they often were identical.
That can’t be. The Gospel of Thomas was written in coptic, but was likely seeded from Greek or Aramic sources. An ascended master like Pursah should be able to go straight to the source to explain what these teachings meant. Yet these are too similar to existing English translations. For translation work this is just too coincidental. Anybody familiar with language translations knows there is a fair degree of subjectivity that happens in the process. A lack of variance between two translations is suspicious.
Now there are differences…but many are minor and perhaps “token”. What’s even stranger is the location of the “token differences”. They are mostly placed in the early verses and gradually tapered off. As if Gary (or a source for Gary) got tired of “improving” the verses and got lazy in the end and just copy/pasted.
Greg Mackie Chimes in:
https://circleofa.org/library/gary-renard/
Some of Greg’s claims are unfair (like his criticism of the ascended master concept)...but some of his critiques are well done and raise legit questions about the audacity of Gary’s “ascended masters”. Examples:

• Arten: An issue of Time Magazine in the 1970s had the words “God is dead” on the cover (121). (He doesn’t say “on the cover,” but it is clear that he is referring to the famous Time Magazine cover.) Actually, the issue came out in 1966 and had “Is God dead?” on the cover.
• Arten: The Jefferson Bible “will be made available soon for those who want to see it” (218). It has been available at least since 1904 (some sources say 1903), when it was first published.
• Pursah: Pursah implies that the Muslim holy month of Ramadan occurs around the same time as Christmas (297). Ramadan is based on the lunar calendar and therefore can occur any time of year.
• Pursah: “Constantine made Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire…by law any other religions or spiritual ideas were outlawed” (50). Constantine legalized and supported Christianity, but he did not make it the only legal religion of the Roman Empire. This was done by a later emperor, Theodosius (who reigned from 379 to 395 C.E.).
• Arten: “The United States…has much more of a responsibility when it comes to diffusing situations than anybody else does” (337). This one is worthy of George W. Bush; the correct word is not “diffusing” but “defusing.”

Robert Perry Chimes in:
https://circleofa.org/library/why-dont-the-masters-have-an-original-thought/
Robert observes that many of Purah’s channeled teachings sound coincidentally VERY similar to the teachings of Wapnick and use Ken’s unique language. He goes into great detail on this. An example:

Pursah: “You romanticize the South American rainforest by thinking it’s one of the holiest spots on earth. If you could observe in accelerated motion what goes on underneath the ground there, you would see that the roots of trees actually compete with each other for the water”
Wapnick: “We admire the beauties and wondrous delicacies of nature. Yet within this same world we perceive competition and destructiveness….Trees’ roots strangle neighboring roots seeking their rightful soil.”

If Gary were using ascended masters as a literary device this would make sense. Gary was a HUGE fan of Ken’s. It would be logical if some of his mannerisms rubbed off on Gary. But for an ascended master to plagiarize Ken seems a bit odd.
Gary Reacts to Robert Perry and Bruce MacDonald:
https://www.garyrenard.com/FraudAccusations.html
Gary very angrily defends himself against both complaints. Examples:

This latest, ludicrous controversy is being championed and promoted by Robert Perry and the so-called "Circle of Atonement." Robert has a long track record of attacking other A Course in Miracles teachers, including Ken Wapnick and myself. For 15 years, Robert has been the most divisive force in the A Course in Miracles community. His actions over this long period of time are an insult to everything that A Course in Miracles stands for.
…
As for Robert Perry, his jealousy of me is so severe I think at this point the only thing that would stop him from trying to attack me would be if someone drove a wooden stake through his heart.
…
Robert Perry will try to tell you this isn't personal with him. Don't believe him. He'll try to tell you that he's a "scholar." A scholar? That's odd. I don't see a PhD next to his name. How honest is that?

Jesus Twin Theory
Bruce MacDonald believes that Jesus had relatives who were his disciples…and this included his twin brother Didymos Judas Thomas. The words Didymos and Thomas actually mean twin. Judas was a common name and note this wasn’t the same Judas that sold Jesus. All that said though, I don’t believe this part of the story. Twin is more likely to be symbolic (more on this below).
Kim MIchaels Chimes In:
Jesus (per Kim) explains that the disciples did not write any of the gospels directly. Also he didn’t dictate them, but there was some inspiration: https://ascendedmasteranswers.com/gospel-of-thomas/
Jesus (per Kim) when asked if any disciples (specifically Thomas) were fallen beings, admits some were. On Thomas he says he has moved on and made his ascension: https://ascendedmasteranswers.com/gospel-of-thomas/
Jesus (per Kim) is asked if Judas Thomas is the biological twin brother of Jesus. Jesus indicates no. Rather family terms were used for spirit ranks. First there was brother, then bride, then twin (these were figurative not literal terms). Thomas reached twin status, which allowed Jesus to communicate with him more effectively. This seems to contradict Bruce’s testimony. https://ascendedmasteranswers.com/judas-thomas/ & https://ascendedmasteranswers.com/becoming-a-twin-of-jesus/
Mother Mary (per Kim) responds to a question about the “The Disappearance of the Universe”. She claims this is not a legit book. Masters don’t travel back in time to teach to themselves. The true messagers for DU are actually coming from a lower mental realm and not the ascended realm. She is generally dismissive of DU: https://ascendedmasteranswers.com/ideas-from-the-disappearance-of-the-universe-by-gary-renard/
Gary’s Weird Connections:
Gary claims he found a girl who was the reincarnation of Helen Schucman. Apparently Ken agreed. Gary even posted a picture of him and the girl on Facebook.
Included in the photo is his wife Cindy who Gary claims is the reincarnation of Thaddeus. Bruce MacDonald claims that Thaddeus was not a separate person in the bible but was actually an alias for Thomas. So did Gary marry himself?
Even more confusing….on top of this there is actually a woman on this Reddit forum (I won’t dox her) who claims David Hoffmeister said she was the incarnation of Helen. But when David told Gary this, Gary said he already found his reincarnated Helen.
Reddit User Predicts Content for Gary’s 3rd Book
https://www.reddit.com/ACIM/comments/ecxr3b/comment/fbgc40k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This is odd…how could a Reddit user predict what content an ascended master would dictate to Gary for a future yet unwritten book?
Simon Magus Connection
https://web.archive.org/web/20210411093059/http://thomastwin.com/20%20A%20ACIM,%20Simon%20and%20Trinity.html
Simon per the bible was a magician and trickster. He’s considered a somewhat malevolent entity. Bruce MacDonald claims he was shown a vision in which it was revealed that th Gary was the reincarnation of Simon Magus and he is tricking people now as he did previously.

I have heard of at least two people who have had the experience of Simon Magus trying to “possess” their bodies since they were children, even trying to push them out of the body to take over. It would seem that, instead of withdrawing into the spiritual realms between lives, Simon Magus has remained as a “ghost,” a kind of psychic vampire who maintains his life in the astral realms by feeding on the lives of the living through the centuries. The people I have communicated with or heard of have had the strong sense of a negative male presence trying to take over their lives, draining their energy, alienating other people and claiming to be Simon Magus. In one case, this Simon actually insisted that the person who was the victim of this kind of “psychic vampirism” should read A Course in Miracles, in order to make the person more aware of the philosophy of Simon Magus and the Simonians. There was also a female presence which seemed to be Helen. I heard this from someone who was so traumatized by the disembodied Simon Magus since childhood that they searched on Google for anything to do with Simon and found my website, which confirmed for them all they had been experiencing. Fortunately, I have been able to help through The Prayer of Silence and The Thomas Book.

Thomas Book per Bruce MacDonald
Bruce claims this was dictated to him from Thomas…but it was also an experiential event. He believes he was there as Thomas in a previous life.
The contents of the book are interesting. This includes some unique takes. Eg He goes into detail on the background of Mary Magdalene and Jesus and how they were married early, but he left her early on to focus on his spiritual work.
The most extraordinary claim is of the crucifixion. Thomas claims that the disciples knew that Jesus would be executed. But they didn’t have photographs back then and knew the Romans could have difficulty identifying Jesus. So they hatched a plan to have “Saul” impersonate Jesus. He would be executed in the place of Jesus. The three ring leaders of this plan were Judas, Thomas and Peter (the three hot heads). They actually kidnapped Jesus and hid him away during the trial. Thomas believed a fake Jesus was crucified (hence the doubting Thomas meme), but Peter is irate and claims the real Jesus ended up on the cross which Thomas doesn’t believe because he was in charge of guarding the kidnapped Jesus. It is possible Jesus bi-located (masters can do this) to throw off this plan. Certainly both Mary’s saw Jesus on the cross…they would have recognized a fake Jesus.
What’s also interesting is the contempt that Thomas has for Peter in much of this book. To Thomas Peter is very dogmatic and overly critical of sex. Thomas was also not a fan of the essenes (which Peter was among), and was upset that apparently Joseph and Mary were kicked out of the essene community for minor rule violations.
Bruce MacDonald on the dictation of ACIM
https://web.archive.org/web/20210411093059/http://thomastwin.com/20%20A%20ACIM,%20Simon%20and%20Trinity.html

My Inner Guide tells me that A Course in Miracles was dictated by Simon Magus.
I dreamed I was in a house with many rooms. In them were people who had been turned into wooden statues, struggling to get out of their wooden confines. I knew immediately that they were living under a spell, so I went from room to room removing the spell “in the name of Jesus and of God.” Once the spell was removed, the people jumped up, looked around in a frightened way, realized they had been trapped in this house, and fled.
I then found the area in which the wizard put spells on people, his “workshop,” complete with intricately tangled paraphernalia hanging from the walls and ceiling. I cleansed the area of all psychic power and sealed it “in the name of Jesus and of God” so that the wizard would never again be able to entrap the unwary.
After I had completed this cleansing process, the wizard came into the entrance hallway where I stood. His face seemed familiar. I had thought this wizard would be frightening, but he was very friendly, with a round, smiling, jovial and pink face. He attempted, laughingly and in great good humour, to put a spell on me as well. I looked directly at him and, “in the name of Jesus and of God,” removed his power to cast spells.
That was the end of the dream. I have not met Gary Renard in the flesh but, when I woke, I realized the smiling man looked exactly like the pictures I had seen on his website.
The basic premise of the Course is that the world we experience is an illusion. This is similar to what Simon taught while alive. Simon Magus taught that Helen was an incarnation of the "thought of God," through which the angels were created. However, the angels, not God, then created the world. Since God did not create the world, it is an illusion. Simon taught that, to achieve salvation and union with God, it was necessary to realize that the world was not created by God but was an illusion created by the angels. Once his converts realized that, then the universe would disappear and they would experience oneness with God.

The Bruce MacDonald Jesus provides detailed insight into ACIM
https://web.archive.org/web/20190718234659/http://thomastwin.com/21%20A%20Jesus,%20God%20and%20ACIM.html (scroll all the way down to “Yeshua said it would be best for him to start”)
Robert Perry asks Bruce to ask Jesus about the Course. He does and the answers are very interesting.
It’s too long to repost here, but this Jesus is largely critical of the Course. He states the real author was impersonating him (something other sources have said) and its teachings are mostly incorrect (eg the Course indicates God is very far away when he isn’t). This Jesus also cites some examples of the Course changing between third person, “we”, and “I” when referring to Jesus as evidence something is up. This Jesus also says that Gary was not Thomas, and that Pursah and Arten are not ascended masters. This Jesus also says Simon Magus was the real author of the Course.

This brings us back to the actual authors of ACIM. I have asserted through Bruce MacDonald elsewhere on this website that the book was written by a first century magician by the name of Simon Magus.
That is only partly accurate, of course. In the same way as Judas Thomas was the ego centre of a particular Individuality (Spiritual Centre of Consciousness) in the first century, and Bruce MacDonald is the incarnation of that same Individuality in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, so Simon Magus and Gary Renard are the incarnations of a particular Individuality who is exploring the potential and the limits of the Docetic philosophy.
Individualities, Spirits, those centers of spiritual consciousness which are manifestations of the Divine Source, can choose to explore anything they wish – God has given them freedom to explore what they will.
It is technically this Individuality which is exploring Doceticism. It is this Spirit who developed the philosophy, partly in the incarnate state and partly between lives. The shorthand version of that is to say that Simon Magus developed the philosophy, since a major part of any of these explorations must take place in the body, and then, after developing and refining the philosophy further in the discarnate state, dictated it through Helen Schucman as A Course in Miracles.
Simon Magus was not the only one involved, but he was the primary focus of the Soul Group exploring the philosophy. And Gary Renard is not the only one involved in ACIM now, although he is the direct incarnation of what we can call the "Simon Magus Individuality." Ken Wapnick and a larger group of souls are also involved, although Renard is the present focus who will ultimately lead to its demise.

Robert Perry did write a response to these critiques of the Course. In general he was dismissive: https://circleofa.org/library/response-bruce-macdonalds-views/
Bruce then responds to the response: https://web.archive.org/web/20210618175625/http://thomastwin.com/22%20A%20Reaction%20to%20ACIM.html
Conclusions:
All these crazy stories are enough to make one suspect of ANY divine revelation or channeled source. My personal opinion is that Gary Renard is not consciously deceiving his followers. But, he is getting guidance from incorporeal life forms who are NOT ascended masters and ARE interested in deception. In this sense Gary is more of a victim, but he does he deserves blame for not showing discernment. I’m sure there are many instances by which these “ascended masters” behaved strangely and showed red flags to Gary who I suspect is loath to reveal these publicly.
As for Bruce, I don’t know what to think. He came from a more orthodox christian background and this may have jaded his view on the Course. He does make mistakes. But some of what he says rings true.
I don’t think either was the real Thomas. Although I think the disciple Thomas might have been one of the entities that was communicating to Bruce.

As some background, my son and step daughter never really grew up together. We got married when they were 18, only dated for around a year before that, and all of our children were out of the house and at school at that point. When Covid hit they all got apartments with friends. We all get together during the holidays and for some birthdays. They were partnered together for the wedding party, but that was as close as they really got. They never even had each other's contact info or social medias.
At the end of last summer, they both moved in with us due to unforeseen financial difficulties. They were both polite with each other, but it was always a bit awkward, but they both are a bit awkward regardless. Almost overnight though they were best friends, going to conventions together, playing video games together, practically doing everything together. My husband and I were elated, considering the rest of our children were all friends and those two were always the "odd ones out".
Over the coming months I noticed some stuff that made me think. It was never anything too big; they were just spending a lot of time together, bringing each other Starbucks or something, out late together, noises late at night I chose to ignore, he'd compliment her nails or other things men don't often notice, and there were some looks and small touches that just struck me as odd. They are both now financially sound and working fantastic jobs, but they are both dragging their feet on moving out, which I can’t help but associate with this. Also, neither of them have, that I know of, even tried to date these last few months. In more recent months, the patterns have continued and increased, and I am frankly completely convinced they are at the very least romantically involved.
My step daughter's birthday is next week, and my son was super excited to show us her gift. It was an anime statue that he paid a lot of money for and I admit I know practically nothing about, but I'm sure she'd love it. Funny enough, the catalyst in why I believe they're dating is because the look on his face when he asked us if we thought she'd like it was a definitely a nervous boy in love. It was actually really sweet, but it was all the confirmation I needed, haha.
I do think it's important to note that neither of them have ever been open with their personal lives. I only know my son's best friend's name because of Instagram, and my step daughter dated a guy for a little over a year that none of us had ever even heard about until after they broke up. Additionally, I absolutely adore my step daughter, and I want to make it clear this is not about me disliking her.
Now where my dilemma lies. A huge part of me wants to confront one or both of them with the question, however if I am wrong (which I don't think I am!) I feel like that could backfire and push them away, or ruin the good friendship they've made. I also don't want to be right, and both of them become uncomfortable regardless. But if I pretend it isn't happening I think it will eventually eat away at me until I disintegrate into nothing. The mom in me wants to tell them to stop, that this is inappropriate, and that if they want to be intimate it can't be under my roof, but I am certainly aware of how irrational that sounds. The more I think about the concept the less them being step siblings bothers me, but I do want them both to be aware that this comes with some stigma. Even though they never grew up together they are siblings by law, and perusing a relationship would come with some outside judgment, right? I don't want to push either of them away or make anyone uncomfortable, and I think sometimes I'm crazy (husband doesn't see it, but l'm calling that daddy's little girl syndrome) but the more l see the more I'm convinced. Ultimately they're both consenting adults with seemingly no unhealthy habits and who seem to find comfort in each other. I want both of them to be happy, and maybe I'm just nosy, but not knowing is driving me insane. I don't want my nosiness to be the downfall of my relationships with either of them.
TL;DR I'm almost certain my son and step daughter are romantically involved, however i'm not sure how to proceed, or if I even should.

I’ve been resisting so hard for the past year and a half since I kept on telling myself that I’m going batshit crazy, and that a man nearly twice my age whom I’ve only spoken to twice being my twin is just absurd and impossible. But now I’m starting to realize that those weird moments I have where I get hit with these vibes are way too consistent for it to just be in my head, especially after meeting him for the first time. I feel like the biggest thing that made me realize is that it just feels right somehow, I don’t know why. I imagined myself in front of a looking glass with him as my reflection (given that I’ve seen a dream about this long beforehand, although at the time I was hesitant to embrace it), it just hit me:
He is ME.
Now, I have no interest in getting involved romantically because it just doesn’t feel right given the circumstances, plus he’s just too similar to me (speech patterns, facial expressions, mannerisms, smile, same birthday). It reminded me of something my soulmate told me when we first started dating, that we have things in common but different enough to where we could sustain a romantic relationship, because if we were too similar we’d just be friends. I thought it definitely applied here. Funny thing is that my soulmate started to become more spiritual as well by studying the Bible when he used to be atheist. I think this whole TF experience brought us closer together despite the struggles we went through, because I genuinely do think I have become a better person, and to help him do so as well by extension. He even admitted himself that I help him heal his soul.
Until now, I just didn’t realize that my TF is one of the greatest gifts god could offer me. I will always be grateful for that and am willing to continue my journey with my soulmate as my companion.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.
Here's some backstory: This woman took my virginity in 2014. She was homeless, living in her car, and we worked at the same job. We became close, and planned to get an apartment together, but she had to handle something personal with her mother in another state and drove off. We said goodbye and lost contact for six years. During that time, she joined the Navy and finished her service.
In 2020, I had some savings and decided to reach out to her. To my surprise, she still had the same number. I asked how she was and if she still wanted to get a place together. She invited me to live with her in Florida, rent-free if I paid for food. I said I'd prefer paying a fixed amount, she said no just buy food. Fine, I flew down there. I thought we're finally gonna be the couple I dreamed of.
When I arrived, I found out she had two cats, which were against the apartment rules, but I didn't complain since I wasn't paying rent. She was also involved with a guy she met in the Navy, who she continued to see. Her birthday came, and she got dolled up to meet him, leaving me alone with the cats
One day she suggested we move to a nicer place together. The pictures looked great. Two bed, one bath. However, she wanted one room for herself, one for the cats as a playroom, and me to sleep on the couch. That was funny. Yeah I'm not gonna work my ass off and co-sign a new place with you so your cats can live better than me. I couldn't tell if she was joking because I saw how much she loved those cats.
We're sitting there and I just tell her I'm gonna start dating. She got quiet and it was awkward for a minute but she said fine okay, before adding that she wasn't exclusive with the Navy guy. Like I'm supposed to be cool with me and him both being intimate with you. Since I got here she hasn't shown a sign of us being being anything but friends. You have your guy, I'm gonna meet someone too. I immediately started using Tinder and met new people within days, which seemed to bother her. She began locking me out if I wasn't back by a certain time and nitpicking over small things she didn't before.
The final straw came when I arrived home early from work and found myself locked out because she wouldn't share the keypad code. She's usually home before me so she'd let me in. I dropped my things and sat with my back against the door for hours. Random people in other rooms going about their business would ask if I was okay, I'd just say my roommate won't let me in. A random couple even went to 7-11 to buy me Gatorade. She came home, asked me why I didn't do something else to kill time other than make her look bad. I said I didn't feel like going anywhere. She was just angry and sour towards me.
I decided to leave without telling her. I booked a flight, stayed one night in a hotel, and flew home the next day. I blocked her number, and though she tried to call twice, I haven't looked back. This all happened within 30 days.

I find it interesting that I had never heard of Slowdive until yesterday night and now I bump into so many coincidences.
I am very much into a lot of different music but also a lot of grunge and alternative music (rock and other stuff)
Last night I was high as a kite and bumped into When the Sun hits. It stopped me with I was doing and checked it out deeply. I jumped to Alisson and -as if that was even possible- blew me away even further. They both hit it with me deeply. From then I went to Dagger which gave me personal inspiration in regards to the guitar line. By the way, When the sun hits also straight way gave me another, very fitting direction for my own songs.
Today I heard Machine gun in the car cruising around with the top down through the mountains while being on a solo trip and it fitted the scenery perfectly. No other song could fill in that exact moment (and I know some titans of songs..)
What the hell is it with that sound?
So now the coincidences: After last years festival Rock Werchter's succes I wanted to go again this year. Unfortunately the line up earlier did not seem so great and I crossed it of my list and out of my mind.
Suddenly today while listening to Alice In Chains I thought about wanting to see more concerts and festivals. I re-opened the Rock Werchter book in my mind and checked the line-up by now. What do I see? SLOWDIVE. That is, after I had heard it the night before for the first time, being blown away and thinking to myself: Gosh, I would like to see these guys but this is probably such a type of band that does no longer tour internationally anymore.
So, I'm probably going to Rock Werchter (Belgium) this year.
Now I come to this page and see It is the birthday of one of the band members.
Funny.
I'll definitely check further into these guys!
Great sound!

Hi. So, for some context, I’m transgender female to male. It’s a central part of my identity, but I only came out a year and a half ago. I know it’ll take some getting used to. My dad (45m) and stepmom (39f) are not accepting of this whatsoever. If I could have I wouldn’t have told them, period. Life in the household in my teenage years was very tedious. Overall I’d get decent grades, keep up well with peers, even had a job that I was continuously praised for my work ethic at. Any time I had off was spent doing chores around the house. I didn’t complain. That didn’t matter to them, though, because at least once every week they’d pull me into a “chat” for three hours about how I was weird, everything that I’m doing wrong, basically just making fun of me under th guise of concern. Upon moving out of their house I would either text or call for every holiday and birthday. I’m not good with words so it would be generic, but either way last year when my birthday rolled around, I got nothing. No call, no text. My siblings remembered and they ignored me. Usually, my social media is very largely disconnected from my personal life, known accounts of family members blocked, etc. I’m out on those accounts. A few months back though, a family member had an account that I missed somehow and proceeded to out me to my immediate and extended family. Overall this went ignored, but with my dad and stepmom, after finding out they went from texting every month or so to nothing at all. When my paternal grandpa was very sick and about to pass, they didn’t even let me know they were home visiting or even that he wasn’t doing well to begin with. Because of all of this I usually feel like an overall disappointment and a black sheep of the family. I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t care less. But every effort I’ve made has gone either not very far or ignored altogether. Of course I love my dad, but I don’t see a point in continuing to play this game if all they’re playing it for is to have something to condemn. WIBTA if I didn’t message?

So i’m 15(m), and I’ve been really upset lately because I’ve been feeling like a loser, I’m not particularly good looking, I have acne all over my face, I don’t have a good looking body (I do go to the gym), no girls look my way, people laugh and make fun of me on a daily basis and when I don’t take it as a joke they say i’m sensitive, A lot of people dislike me, I am not funny, I’m not good academically, I’m the backup friend, never anybodies first option, and it feels like besides my family, nobody cares, everybody knows me as my twins sisters brother, yet even if I invite them to a birthday party for the both of us, she is the only one who gets wished, and cared about, people try to embarrass me and humiliate me whenever they can, like throwing me into a pool or taking pictures of me when I’m in the washroom spreading it, or they proceed to spread rumours and mistruths about me, this girl said I harrassed her after she thought I was trying to kiss her at a date she invited me to, a girl without no provocation and words from my side decided to reject me in car with my sister and her friend. A large amount of people dislike me, even if I don’t say anything to them, I’m socially awkward and I can talk to people, but its difficult. What can I do. Thanks for reading this if you are, because I needed to get this off my chest.

This may be basic common knowledge around social skills, but as an international student, I found these principles are not often explicitly taught and vary across time and culture. I'm from India to be exact, which has a very different culture in the US.
It's confusing, because if you ask people what qualities they like in friends, they'll say stuff like they love people who are kind, dependable, loyal, genuine, authentic, etc. But I've noticed that these people either lie when they say that, or that's not the full truth. Judge by their actions, not words, as they say.
In my M7 MBA, I have seen that those who have successfully been able to make friends and be socially popular and well liked are those who took the time and effort to "add value" in their relationships.
"Adding value" from my observations can take multiple forms. First way is to be conventionally very attractive - people like others who are beautiful, hot, cute, etc. Being an 8/10 or higher physically is good. If you're not naturally good looking, then doing everything possible in your power to be your most conventionally attractive best self is valued, such as working out regularly, eating a good diet, conforming to fashion trends, having good styles, etc. Women are especially adept at knowing skincare and makeup techniques.
The second is being famous. We have someone in our class who is famous on social media, with several hundred thousand social media followers. They are automatically elevated in social situations with people wanting to be their friend. This person has on multiple occasions been an asshole to others and isn't the most conventionally attractive, but our classmates give them a pass. The rules aren't fair or the same for everyone.
Third, if you're neither famous or conventionally good looking, there is a premium on being funny. People like those who give them a good laugh. Having good humor, conversational timing, ability to make jokes on the fly and have wit are very valued.
These three qualities completely supersede others, including being kind, genuine, authentic, loyal, etc. In terms of males, the top of the pecking order are tall, white men. White women are also on top socially, with some East Asians.
Outside of these, I'e seen you really have to put in effort to add value. You need to do things like be a good cook and host events where you cook for your classmates. You need to do something "cool" like be a foodie and have a food blog for spots near campus. Another way to "add value" is be a good DJ and offer to DJ at parties that people host. You need to say, take the initiative to host themed house parties or organize a domestic or international trek or a ski trip. If you're the organizer of an in-demand social event, people gravitate to you and want to be friends.
Not all hobbies are created equal. Those that people value are ones that add value to their personal lives, such as being a food or travel blogger, or DJing at a party. Social hobbies like biking or organizing workout classes are praised. Something relatable to people. One person is a amazing classical pianist, but classical music is seen as a solitary, niche, boring hobby that doesn't generate much praise or interest, despite how talented the classmate is.
It seems the social scene here runs on a "social currency" system where the people who take the effort to cook for others, organize events and trips, do cool and interesting things, etc., are the ones rewarded with the most invites to birthdays, parties, trips, etc. And outside of that, if you're really good looking, funny, or famous, you have a ton of social leeway and need to put in way less effort.
Looks DO matter. People DO judge based on appearances. I've noticed very few in the "cool" group are overweight - and the few who ware are EXCEPTIONALLY funny. And looking physically good takes a lot of effort in and of itself, including knowing how to work out, eat right, apply makeup if you're a girl etc. Most people in the cool groups are 7/10 or higher in terms of looks.
On top of this, you need to be lacking in negative traits. People who are overly eager, try to hard, or seen as needy have quickly been excommunicated from the social scene. They often do it without realizing it: in Indian culture, being very forward is often the norm but it's too intense for American culture. People like those who are seen as cool, chill, and interesting, and fun. People base friendships in reality on those who are "fun and chill" to be around. You can't be someone who is overly quiet and doesn't say anything, and sucks at conversational timing in group settings and be awkward, nor can you be overly gregarious and too loud and annoying.
You cannot only talk about non-mainstream, overly nerdy, or niche interests, UNLESS you are exceptionally conventionally attractive or famous. Catan game nights seem to be OK though. Many social events are at house parties, bars, clubs, etc., and are based on drinking. The non drinkers who are popular ADD VALUE by taking the initiative to offer to be designated drivers. But if you don't offer that as a non drinker, you may get penalized socially.
There are plenty of pro-DEI, heavy liberal (at least on social issues) on campus, and they will say things like they want to be friends with like minded socially progressive folks. But even among that crowd, physical appearance, your level of fame, and funniness TRUMP ALL and you have to add value. One person in class is a very physically attractive open Republican, and even the liberals in class like him. The Republicans who are ostracized are conservative ON TOP of not being funny, not attractive, not having unique hobbies, etc. And the most vocal liberal activist in class is disliked for not being attractive, funny, interesting, etc.
People will outwardly say they support mental health destigmatization, and may genuinely believe it, but don't want to actually befriend someone going through symptoms of anxiety or depression. You're allowed to be mildly vulnerable about every day common relatable issues, like struggling with recruiting, but can never reveal very serious personal issues like having an eating disorder. That'll weird people out. You have to be mostly positive and happy.
Again, this may all be common sense. But a lot of these rules aren't explicitly taught, especially if you're from a different culture. It may seem transactional on the outside, but this is what I've seen to be reality at my M7.

So i’m 15(m), and I’ve been really upset lately because I’ve been feeling like a loser, I’m not particularly good looking, I have acne all over my face, I don’t have a good looking body (I do go to the gym), no girls look my way, people laugh and make fun of me on a daily basis and when I don’t take it as a joke they say i’m sensitive, A lot of people dislike me, I am not funny, I’m not good academically, I’m the backup friend, never anybodies first option, and it feels like besides my family, nobody cares, everybody knows me as my twins sisters brother, yet even if I invite them to a birthday party for the both of us, she is the only one who gets wished, and cared about, people try to embarrass me and humiliate me whenever they can, like throwing me into a pool or taking pictures of me when I’m in the washroom spreading it, or they proceed to spread rumours and mistruths about me, this girl said I harrassed her after she thought I was trying to kiss her at a date she invited me to, a girl without no provocation and words from my side decided to reject me in car with my sister and her friend. A large amount of people dislike me, even if I don’t say anything to them, I’m socially awkward and I can talk to people, but its difficult. What can I do. Thanks for reading this if you are, because I needed to get this off my chest.

[currently on episode 8]
My two cents on events and the people -
— Courtney & Aiden I liked how Aiden treated Lebo a lot. Courtney was just a mystery. I feel like these two didn't get a lot of screen time but it could also be because there was no/little drama. Didn't get good vibes from Courtney after they moved back. The "dude" thing was very off putting. Aiden seems like a nice guy, but he's indecisive and unemployed. Why does Courtney want to marry him if she's looking for stability? They don't even look like they're crazy in love or something.
— Khanya A lot to say about her. This is a long one. She was abusive in many ways. However, (unpopular opinion coming), I don't think that the points that she was making were unreasonable. It was her way of doing it.
Example 1, when she met Isaac's friends and they started asking her about why Isaac hasn't been eating well when there's a woman in the house. I would not entertain that sexist BS either. That was out of line. This made Isaac get on her nerves about dishes. Yes, I personally like things clean BUT we're all different people. In an ideal scenario, yes the dishes would be done when you're living with someone BUT these people are all strangers and I wouldn't be doing my chores on someone else's time especially if they're being an ass to me. The whole "what do you bring to the table" thing was also crazy for me for because 1. It's not a job interview and 2. They barely knew each other. He could've asked her anything like "what are some aspects you're trying to work on? Or what do you think works in your relationships?" Anything. Endless possibilities. And he chose the stupidest question.
Example 2, the siza, nkateko, and her scene. Uhfff. There was too much rage in that scene and it was hard to watch. I'm sure everyone understands how badly khanya behaved there but I'll play the devil's advocate for a second. Siza, while seems like a really nice person, has some issues to deal with with her laughing situation, because when you laugh in front of (or worse, AT) an angry person, it tends to agitate them further. Because it's not funny. Be an adult for a second and recognise that this is a serious situation. I understand that laughing is a coping mechanism for some people but it's not always perceived well. Two, Khanya was in fact right for establishing boundaries. Like hello, you showed up unannounced in someone else's house. Nkateko did the same thing. Just barged in like he owned th house with no regard to the othe person living in the house. Where are your manners? Idk if this is a cultural thing because everyone kept going to everyone's house without notice, just randomly showing up. I don't get it. Nkateko is the real ass here who left Siza alone with Khanya because why would you ever do that when you know both of those people? There's something really wrong about Nkateko.
Lastly, I understand that a lot of people might not agree with me here but I'm trying to understand why Khanya behaved that way. She is a strong woman who's not afraid to speak her mind and society doesn't always take that well. Clearly, Isaac's mom hated her and I see that their culture treats men and woman differently. This is not to take away from the fact that she was abusive and escalated situations that could've been handled better.
— Ruth, Isaac, Nolla, Lebo Lebo's a gem and I hope she blocked Nolla from her life. Period. Nolla, doesn't deserve any attention. Ruth, love that she's unapologetic about her actions. She knows what she wants and she's not afraid to ask for it. Deserves muchhhhhh better than Isaac and def Nolla. Isaac, man, get off your high horse. There's some deeply ingrained gender superiority in that man. I have a bad feeling about him.
— Sizakele & Lindile This couple is a question mark for me. Like why come to a show like this when you've only been together for 6 months? Also, the whole gift thing, Siza again just randomly showed up at someone's house and ruined their evening. Like stop going to other people's houses. It's not wrong to speak your mind, but there is a time and place for it, ideally arranged in advance, agreed by both parties.
— Thabi, Genesis, Lindile Genesis looked a bit hurt but I liked how he was dealing with things. Showed maturity. Thabi and Lindile really got along well I think. The Love triangles are messy, def not as bad as the other couples tho. At least they're keeping it civil. I feel like these 3 people at least seem aware that they are on television while the others seem to have forgotten this liittle detail.
In conclusion - I didn't understand why they were trying to replace their partners permanently. The idea is to work on your issues and go back to your OG partner. While there's always room for feelings to develop, it's like no one really spoke about their old partners with the idea of working on their relationships with them. I think they completely missed the point of the show here, but in the drama department, the season was on point!! It was a bit too intense honestly. Could've held back a lil and I never thought I'd say that for the ultimatum/lib producers lol.
ALL THE MEN ON THIS SHOW WERE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. The bar is in hell ladies.
Edit - grammar +

Ever since I was younger i've felt like I was left out and didn't have many friends. I moved across the UK when I was 5 and even at that young age it didn't help that I was moving schools. In year nine (age 13/14) I made my first actual group of friends; but even then I was never anyone's number one friend. I wasn't invited over as much as anyone else, secrets were kept from me, things would go on that I didn't know about and overall I was second best at most. I was friends with them until year eleven (age 15/16) and when we moved across to sixth form I gained a different group of friends.
I never had any problems with bullying in school and it's safe to say I was a generally likeable person, but moving into sixth form initially without anyfriends was very difficult. About 2 months in I did gain my new group of friends, but the same thing happened again - I wasn't anyone's number one best friend. I know this probably doesn't sound that hard but knowing you were always second best has had a lasting affect on me. Knowing I was almost disposable in a way I guess? I know my friends liked me, but I wasn't really that important. After finishing sixth form at age 18 and moving onto university, I chose not to live at Uni and travel everyday because the accommodation just didn't work out.
I ended up going to uni with one of my good friends from school. We weren't in the same friendship group before and never saw each other outside of school but we always got on well and we have the same sense of humour. We both commute every day for Uni and she has become my best friend in the whole world.
She is sweet, funny, kind, generous, incredibly smart and so many other things and I know I am her number one best friend aswell. Us both not living at uni has definitely altered how we have made friends as neither of us really have any close friends at uni. We both talk to people and get along with them, but us both commuting together has helped us become great friends. I am finally someones number one best friend and it's everything I ever imagined to be honest, I'm so grateful to have her, but I struggle a lot with jealousy.
She has an amazing boyfriend who I also love and get on well with. They go together like two peas in a pod and I know one day they're gonna get married. I have my own wonderful boyfriend who I love so much and I'm in no way jealous of her relationship, I don't think either of our relationships is better than the other. But why do I still feel jealous?
I'm so happy she has this great guy that takes her out and treats her how she's meant to be treated, but I almost feel like I'm being left out again. I feel second best all over again when I see them together and I feel awful about it. She isn't leaving me out in any way either, I probably see her the same amount and we also do fun things together - for example we recently did a murder mystery night away for my birthday - but how can I stop feeling like this?
I know this stems from me always feeling second best, and feeling afraid that I am again, but I don't want to feel that way. I know she loves us both, so why do I compare myself? And before anyone suggests it, no I'm not in love with her. Does anyone have any advice? I could really use it.

Ever since I was younger i've felt like I was left out and didn't have many friends. I moved across the UK when I was 5 and even at that young age it didn't help that I was moving schools. In year nine (age 13/14) I made my first actual group of friends; but even then I was never anyone's number one friend. I wasn't invited over as much as anyone else, secrets were kept from me, things would go on that I didn't know about and overall I was second best at most. I was friends with them until year eleven (age 15/16) and when we moved across to sixth form I gained a different group of friends.
I never had any problems with bullying in school and it's safe to say I was a generally likeable person, but moving into sixth form initially without anyfriends was very difficult. About 2 months in I did gain my new group of friends, but the same thing happened again - I wasn't anyone's number one best friend. I know this probably doesn't sound that hard but knowing you were always second best has had a lasting affect on me. Knowing I was almost disposable in a way I guess? I know my friends liked me, but I wasn't really that important. After finishing sixth form at age 18 and moving onto university, I chose not to live at Uni and travel everyday because the accommodation just didn't work out.
I ended up going to uni with one of my good friends from school. We weren't in the same friendship group before and never saw each other outside of school but we always got on well and we have the same sense of humour. We both commute every day for Uni and she has become my best friend in the whole world.
She is sweet, funny, kind, generous, incredibly smart and so many other things and I know I am her number one best friend aswell. Us both not living at uni has definitely altered how we have made friends as neither of us really have any close friends at uni. We both talk to people and get along with them, but us both commuting together has helped us become great friends. I am finally someones number one best friend and it's everything I ever imagined to be honest, I'm so grateful to have her, but I struggle a lot with jealousy.
She has an amazing boyfriend who I also love and get on well with. They go together like two peas in a pod and I know one day they're gonna get married. I have my own wonderful boyfriend who I love so much and I'm in no way jealous of her relationship, I don't think either of our relationships is better than the other. But why do I still feel jealous?
I'm so happy she has this great guy that takes her out and treats her how she's meant to be treated, but I almost feel like I'm being left out again. I feel second best all over again when I see them together and I feel awful about it. She isn't leaving me out in any way either, I probably see her the same amount and we also do fun things together - for example we recently did a murder mystery night away for my birthday - but how can I stop feeling like this?
I know this stems from me always feeling second best, and feeling afraid that I am again, but I don't want to feel that way. I know she loves us both, so why do I compare myself? And before anyone suggests it, no I'm not in love with her. Does anyone have any advice? I could really use it.

My(27F) older brother(he's 44) has been really ungrateful regarding gifts people get him for awhile, not just gifts I get him, any gifts from anyone - a few days after one Christmas he made a facebook post of everything he had gotten from me, our brother and our mom, selling it all, shoes, shirts, hoodies. Including some stuff I had got for him for previous birthdays - such as a pair of sneakers he told me he wanted, I got them in the exact colour that he said he wanted. Never wore them. Just sold them. He wasn't struggling for money I don't think, he's not shy about asking for money from our mom, or our brother, or posting essays on facebook about it so as far as I could tell, he wasn't struggling for money around then. Anything that wasn't sellable(mom got him a funny mug), he "forgot" to take home with him. He left the mug, telling mom to keep the mug so he can use it when he comes to visit.
Last year I saw he made a post on social media post basically saying "anyone want to buy some brand new crocs? I was never gonna wear em anyways. Fuck crocs. I want to get rid of this birthday gift I really don't like. I'll burn them." ...Even though he said he liked crocs before I bought them for him. 🤦🏻‍♀️
I no longer want to buy him any gifts for holidays. I tried once more after he made the facebook post selling everything everyone got him, only to see the nasty posts about how he wants to burn the crocs I got him for his birthday. Mom thinks I should just give him gift cards so he can buy what he wants, but I don't want to. I buy what he says he wants, and then he either sells it, or makes posts acting like a 12 year old who got the wrong colour iphone or whatever.
WIBTAH if I stop buying him gifts? Or should I just buy him gift cards like my mom suggested.... Orrrrr, should I buy myself a pair of crocs, but use the box to put his gifts in, which will include one of those "Burn this after writing" journals and leave a nice note telling him "Here's something that's actually meant to be burnt!" ...i'm kidding, I won't do that lol.

I'm obsessed with my ex and his girlfriend. In like 5th grade me and her used to good friends, and I always found her interesting. We were good friends and she trusted me. And I was happy to be friends with her. But now my ex is dating her for over 1.5 years. And we broke up 1.5 years ago. And it didn't even take him days to go after her. I wanted to be friends with her but I couldn't, and they both were friends with each other.
But at that time, I had him. He was my boyfriend. And we were eachothers first proper relationship. We went out for about 6 months and I broke up with him around the 8 th month. I'm saying that because, we had a on and off relationship. And I was in a very toxic place with him. He used to send me hate messages, and he would state the things that he hates about me and even abuse him. But I still wanted him, because well I unconditionally loved him ( I know I was an idiot)
My ex had a dark past, he was raped by his neighbour repaditly when he was a kid to when he was 17 years old. He used to cry and I would consule him, he even tried to take his life multiple times but I stopped him everytime. Me and him, we were both depressed as fuck, like we both were on the werge of dying and kill ourselves but then we found eachother. And that's how we became friends to best friends to inseparable couple.
I grew up in a very toxic household. My own mother was abusive, she would hurt me physically and emotionally alot. It was every days seen. She once hit me so hard that I thought I was going to pass out. And the reason she hit me so much for that day was pointless.
I grew up with a absent father who used to hit me whenever he felt like it. He once hit me so bad when I was in like 6th grade that my whole mouth was broken. I was bleeding so much from my mouth and my nose. He didn't ever wanted a daughter, he only wanted a son. But I was the firstborn girl.
I still remember that when I was like 8 or 9 years old, my dad has just came home and I was watching cartoons. And he asked me for the remote and I said no, I'm watching cartoon. He slapped me so hard that my ear was bleeding all night and I remember being in the doctor's chair and there was alot of clotted blood in my ear. I was crying in pain all the night, he didn't even checked on me and continued to sleep.
I was bullied alot throughout my school life. I was never really good at studies so I was hit my all my teachers in front of everyone all the time and they just used to laugh at me. In 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th grade. I remember this and this humiliation still haunts me, I got really bad grades and all my classmates who I thought were my friends, took trash out of the dustbin and whatever they had like paper pieces and leaves and ofc trash. They dumped all of it on my and they were pointing and laughing. I wanted to cry my heart out, I wanted to scream so bad, but I instead was thrown out of the group on the school field and nobody wanted to be friends with the dumb girl.
Anyway I think this can literally go on forever. I'm here to talk about my ex, so I always had doubts that he liked that girl, and I even told him multiple times that, hey, I think she likes you. Maybe you should be with her instead of me. I had very low self-esteem and I thought I wasn't worthy of any sort of love. So I tried to push him away. But he stayed and always told me that he's not even going to talk to her after the school ends. And that I have nothing to worry about really. So I believed him. But guess what he's now been dating her for 1.5 years and she even has the same birthday as me. This thing just ruins my birthday. Because I always end up thinking of them. And that will wish me " happy birthday" this year?
I've become very very obsessive when it comes to them. I literally just spend hours searching for the playlist that they created for eachother. And that's what confirmed that they are together. At first I was in denial that he'd never do such a thing. But when I asked him this recently he said yes. And he even said " don't even utter a word against her" Man, I was shattered. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2022 and then with C-ptsd & GAD in 2023 and he's the reason why.

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, all whilst Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis center or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation.
I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

I’m sure this question has been asked 100 times but I feel like I keep reading different things and that the guidelines constantly change.
Here is the situation. I have a 2 month old and we are supposed to be going to a family birthday party about 1 hour and 5 mins away. I would need to leave while she’s napping to get there on time. The time of the party coincides with her eating and wake window which is great but it means she will likely be sleeping for at least a little bit while on the way there and probably for most of the ride back. Adding in time to put her in and stuff I figure she will be in the car seat total that day about 2 hours and 20 mins or about an hour and ten minutes at a time: but she will likely be asleep.
Is this ok? I can’t believe this is what I’m worried about as a new mom but I’m freaking out about it. I didnt even know car seat SIDS was a thing until I had her and now I’m terrified to put her in her car seat at all.
I’m pretty sure it will be ok bc the base in my car keeps her at the right angle. Is this true?
Can someone please just tell me this is going to be fine? Of all the things I thought I’d worry about this was the last thing 🥲
ETA: thanks for all the reassurance! It’s so funny bc generally speaking I haven’t been anxious at all. I’ve had no problem leaving her with trusted people while I run errands, I don’t check on her breathing a million times at night, etc. For some reason the car seat is just a trigger for me!