2011trade days at lucasville oh

'A lesson is repeated until it is learned'.
I can't tell you how many times I jacked off or did drugs or ate junk food. 1000's and 1000's of times. It's depressing to think about really, so I don't think about it. Because there's only HERE & NOW.
And that's also the place and time where discipline is built. Not later, not tomorrow. Right HERE & NOW.
I'm sorry but there's no magic gimmick you can use to magically evolve from all this stuff. We're no Pokémon. In the past there were people that cut of their dicks to control lust but sadly lust is mainly in the mind and therefore they weren't freed from it, only from their dicks, which probably created crazy mayhem at their toilets.
One of the laws of karma, "The Law of Focus" states that you can only truly focus on 1 thing at a time. Therefore, if you want to get rid of negative habits focus on positive ones. And not just one or two days, but every fucking day you have to fight and focus on these positive habits.
Because the day you tell yourself "it's okay for once" is the start of your downfall again.
If your struggling with trauma which might be the case, see someone for that. Trauma can be a real bitch and takes years to overcome. Same for these negative habits.
Next month I'm hitting 1,6 years on no alcohol and Semen Retention. Did a few drugs every couple of months but that's over now too. I'm still battling with overeating and junk food, it's been over 2 months since the last time I binged but every couple of days I've got major cravings and I have to put my focus on positive things like exercise, meditation or going for a walk.
Don't take this path as something easy! Because it's not. It's pretty damn hard at times and even seems impossible at other times but only by fighting every day you can win every day. If you don't even try to fight you've already lost.
The beautiful thing about this path tho is that it gets better. Much better! It just takes time and discipline. Stoicism. Good friends that you can talk about these things with. Exercise. Meditation. And healthy diet.
Because if you quit you fall all the way down the ladder again. All the way down. Not as much maybe as once, but still pretty far. And every time you fall you have to get back up again. And again. And again. And again.
'A lesson is repeated until it is learned.'
But even so, maybe most important of all, is to forgive yourself if you fall down, because getting sad or angry will only lengthen the fall more. Ask God for forgiveness if you feel like it, but know, that if He exists, he as already forgiven you even before you sinned.
It's You that has to forgive Yourself and climb back up. Your family can't do it for you, neither can your friends. God can't do it, He loves you to much for that. Think about it, we've been given free will to make a living heaven or hell out of our life. If God would make us happy all the time, we'd be nothing more like controlled robots, some other AI shit. But we're not, free will creates all of our pain, but also makes it so damn beautiful when we finally break free from it!
You didn't choose Semen Retention, Semen Retention chose you! Because God, the Universe or whatever Being or Thing, placed this on your path because It knows you're cut out for it. It knows and believes you will do it, and It only wants you to believe it too.
The world needs people like us, all round are mediocre people doing these nasty habits. We've all done them, but the difference is, we realized how fucking bad and disgusting it was. It's real life fucking WALL-E out there!
The devil is everywhere right know, not just outside, he's inside of us. But so is God. It's up to us to choose.
Choose wisely, because once back down there... You know how it goes.
The devil is loud. He'll stick out his hand and present you a number of beautiful treasures and pleasures and treats and sins that look - oh - so delicious. But the moment you grab his hand he pulls it away, and you fall man. Deep.
God is different. He's like a frequency, a vibration. And He doesn't (usually) come to us, it's us that have to seek Him. Work, meditate, pray... To get to His level, and then we get everything we've ever wanted.
That's the difference between him and Him.
Who do you want to walk with?
(Just ate more than I should've and felt really bad about it, reading this again helped me and I hope it can help you too!)

Hi. I need help/opinions/ideas etc, because currently I have no idea what to do with my GPU. Will try to describe shortly.
Recently I've switched from RX 6600 to RTX 4080 S (MSI). At first I forgot to even delete previous AMD video drivers, but then I googled a bit and found that only switching from NVidia to AMD may cause some problems if previous drivers were not deleted. Anyway, at first I, of course, tested my GPU in gaming and it was quite good (Full HD monitor). Then in first week I wanted to watch video from local HDD and it quite confused me (that is the start of all issue) as the quality was weird, what I mean all movements in video was like it's 20 fps in game, meaning not smooth movements (character, or camera move and you see a building/window/car that does not move, but camera turns). Unfortunately I couldn't test it much due to work and I didn't even noticed how 14 days ended (had a right to return GPU if wanted).
Now I literally can't normally watch any video or movie either it's local file/video-streaming platforms or Netflix. Like I can watch (and do currently.. what else can I do) but the quality doesn't feel right. Then I thought, may be because it's not a high resolution monitor, I've connected 4k too. But it's same on FHD and 4k.
Also about gaming. I've tried 3 on high settings: RDR2, Hogwarts Legacy and Avatar: Frontiers Of Pandora. RDR2 quality looks great on ultra even 4K (DLSS), but Hogwarts Legacy... and Avatar.. I have issues with those games. I've seen in YouTube how ppl with rtx 4080 or rtx4080s play 4k AFOP and quality is so smooth, but personally I can't see that quality in my case.
F.E Hogwarts Legasy on ultra (different settings) 4k or 2k when I'm moving camera is not smooth.. looks more.. jerky. It bothers and frankly not what you expect from that GPU. AFOP in 4k runs smooth only on DLSS Performance. Is that even okay? Like disabled DLSS is unplayable.. my eyes even hurts to watch moves of camera. Also DLSS quality and ultra quality (especially ultra quality) fps drops significantly (30-50 in different locations). If I want to switch to ultra quality upscaling then it's nice only to watch. Running and moving camera makes picture/objects to jerk (see example how it looks at this video (https://youtu.be/iCCW9AaMNTU?si=fpwHP3NSo35SCWyQ&t=16) Sometimes it's more like 15 fps from example video. Literally very disappointed. But unfortunately it's my first better GPU and I have no friends to compare. I don't even know if that's okay for a GPU perform like that in those games. Please note that I didn't do any overclocking or additional settings. Like I'm simple user who bought, plugged it, connected and use. Mind I also installed MSI Afterburner (only to see GPU info in games), and NVidia GeForce Experience. About GeForce Experience. I've tried to delete it because some people say that all problem with bad performance was in NGE but it didn't work for whatsoever.
Oh and I also did deleted all video drivers using DDU, reinstalled drivers but nothing worked either.
But the biggest ever concern for me is that ANY video playback (either local video file, or copied from phone, CD, or in browser, or in video streaming platforms, or YouTube or Netflix) is same - jerky 20 fps kinda like. It's so annoying, literally see it everywhere at any moves and can't be ignored. I have no idea what to do and 14 days of customer protection has ended. I also asked help MSI support and they couldn't help me either, suggested me at the end to contact reseller to have my unit repaired, replaced, or refunded. But I highly doubt the reseller will refund of replace.. What is there to repair I don't see either.
Oh and one more! Fans on GPU are always spinning, like always, in gaming or silent mode - always spinning even when I just turned on PC and no programs are opened, no game, no video. It's not okay.
MY PC specs:
Motherboard: MSI MPG Z590 Gaming Edge WiFi
CPU: Inter Core i9 10900KF
AIO: Corsair iCUE H170i Elite LCD Display
RAM: Kingston Fury DDR4-3200 (32 GB)
SSD (Windows 10 x64 OS) Kingston SSDNow A400 240GB
Storage: 1) HDD: Western Digital Purple 5400 rpm
2) MSI Spatium M390 2TB NVMe M.2 PCIe 3.0 (Where AFOP is installed)
3) Seagate Exos 7E10 7200rpm
Power Supply: Corsair HX1200
Display:
1) Samsung 32" LS32BG700 (LS32BG702EIXUA)
2) Dell FHD (old)
I hope somebody can help me or have an idea if my GPU is okay but my settings, or I've got a defected GPU. Ask any additional questions if you need.

Hi! I've since march been facing the question about having a child, creating a family. I've gone from "fuck no, this relationship is over, my life is over" about children to "you know I think I want that experience with my partner, I'm not ready and I am scared shirtless about the thought but I want to get my mental health together to do it"
So I've had a rough childhood and I have never felt secure in my life. I'm constantly stressed about feeling unsafe. Not unsafe as in "oh I am in danger someone will kill me" but the feeling of emotional safety. I hate eveyrhing that questions my sense of safety.
I love my partner, we have a good relationship he has been my safety. So when the question about him wanting a child came up I simply pushed it forward into the future. But the future is now. And he wants to know if I want to do this with him, he doesn't stress he just wants to know If I am willing to work on it.
I've experienced my biggest life crisis and I think it All boils down to me being scared and stressed about feeling unsafe. I'm scared about work (working within a field that is dying due to AI and work is hard to find). I am scared of the responsibility and stress. I used to be able to handle stress but I can't anymore and I don't know how to get back to being able to handle stress.
I've begun to do yoga/stretching several times a week, I walk outside almost every day (at least 20 minutes), sadly I can't sleep too well and having a hard time eating regularly and enough. I'm meeting a psychologist (though the hospital) once a week but don't really feel it is enough so I am about to book another therapist that costs quite a bit.
Anyone been in a similar situation and can provide some insight? Good to know is that I am economicakky quite safe, have savings etc. I live in a country where childcare etc is very cheap so that isn't a stress factor.

I normally take my tablet at 8am, well that's when I'm supposed to take it anyway but I'm so bad for putting things off (queen of procrastinating) and then left it til last minute to get ready for work so didn't have time to take it then I'm thinking oh I'll just take it at work (started at 12:30) now I've realized I forgot my tablets because I left them in my other bag.. I should be home by 7pm should I take it then or should I skip the day? Sorry I hope this makes sense..
I'm on 50mg btw Also yes I'm waiting for an adhd diagnosis (laughing but also crying)🥲🥲🥲

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For a moment I am shocked. If I had expected anyone to be here, aside from the Librarian herself, it would be Ricardo! But I guess the world is trying to surprise me today? Then again, considering the rumors, miss Pelafina wasn’t that much of an outrage either.

Then it hits me. What does she mean ‘took you long enough’, huh!?

“She was waiting for y—”

Yes I get that part! Was this whole deal a game for her?

I take my first steps towards her, a little indignant and I feel it is justified, but then I notice something in the corner of my eye. Movement. I immediately turn on my heels to face it: there’s shades of black in the darkness, at least in one spot. Soon, a figure steps up from the corner of the room, dressed in a long black cloak, dressing pants and elegant shoes. The hood covers their head and some magical darkness obscurs their eyes, but I can see a few locks of green hair slip from underneath the shadow.

The figure lifts a hand, they are even wearing black gloves! That’s some commitment to the bit.

“Yo. The name is Lucía. Sorry for skulking around but it is kind of my job; I assume you already know Overseer Pelafina?” She smirks. “She gets around! She said she was waiting for a Bastard to arrive but, Hell, we thought it was just an excuse of hers to skip work!”

“I am very responsible, excuse you.” Pelafina frowns, shaking her head softly. “Ignore Lucy, dear. She’s just my assigned guard, here to keep me safe!”

Her assigned guard? So she IS with the Cloaks after all! I mean, if the cloak she’s wearing wasn’t indication enough. I don’t like her, not one bit. She’s smiling too much, just balancing on her heels and toes while I stand there. I don’t wanna say I hate her, we’ve barely exchanged words… but I don’t like her. Not one bit.

I decide to take Pelafina’s words to heart and ignore her, when another thing hits me.

“Overseer Pelafina!? But you’re just the lady from the bookstore!” I think my eyes are going to jump right out of my skull like in one of those old cartoons.

“A girl has to move up in this world if she wants to survive.” The old lady chuckled, just a little bit. “You know my name, but I never truly caught yours though. How do we call you, dear?”

Fuck, here we go with names again… but hey, maybe this is a great chance to build a new identity for myself!

“People call me Tav.” I say, trying to puff up my chest a bit.

“That was not what she asked though!” Lucía intervenes with a singsongy voice.

“Oh let her have her own nom de guerre, Lucy. It’s adorable!” Having these two messing with me is really going to be bad for my health. I’ll have to endure it though. “Alright then, Tav. If you’re here, I assume you managed to read through the book at least a bit?”

I flinch. Just how much does this woman know? Did she know the contents of the book from the start? Is this a weird ‘Hero’s journey’ situation? A mysterious adventure she has sent me into so I grow as a person?

Or is she just fucking with me.

“Well? Don’t keep me waiting! It’s been days!” Pelafina insists with a twinkle shining in her eyes.

“... I have a few words translated.” I managed to say.

“Oh great! So Humiko left you hints. That’s great.”

“Miss Pelafina–”

“Please, just call me P.”

“Uhm. Miss P.” I gulp. “Just how much do you know of the book, exactly?”

“Well, Humiko asked me personally to keep it safe, so that’s one thing.” The overseer counts with her fingers. “I know it is written in Magic Runes, which… shouldn’t be possible, and yet, there it is! I trust Humiko enough to know it has to be real.”

“Wait.” I blink. “What do you mean ‘shouldn’t be possible’?”

“Magic is not a language, or at least it hasn’t been understood as one until… well, right now.” The old lady smiles a bit wider. “If you manage to make more sense of it than a few phrases, you’d be making history, boy!”

Again with the damn gendering… I frown a little bit but, try not to make it too visible. I gotta focus.

“Yeah, get it together. This is not the time for your ridiculous whining.”

Sigh.

“So you know what the book is, but you don’t know what it says.”

“To be honest, I am not really sure what it is either.” Pelafina admits with an embarrassed grin. “All I know is that it is a project Humiko had for a long time already, and according to her express instructions, the hints could only be read by a sleeper.”

I haven’t really checked if I can no longer check Humiko’s note in the book, so there’s homework for when I return.

“I am sorry we put this on you with deceit and all, but would you have really believed me if I said ‘You have to study magic’ just like that?” The old lady shrugs. “It was necessary, and if Ricardo could see the potential in you, then this was surely the correct choice.”

“Is Ricardo an Overseer too?” I feel like that is a sensible question.

“Oh heavens no, he’s a Sleeper. Not a word of this to him, you hear me?” P’s gesture grows severe for a moment. “I don’t want him involved in such things at his age. He had enough adventures already.”

I guess the rumors of Ricardo being a world-trotting adventurer are also true. Huh.

“So. Tell me, what did you learn?”

She’s very eager… I can notice Lucía’s gaze on me, too. They are both very, very eager.

“This doesn’t make sense.”

Right? It’s all wrong.

The book’s first warning was to avoid the cloaks, and yet here’s P! Just hanging out with this one, talking about the book like it’s nothing!

Well, if it’s true that she doesn’t know the contents, I can lie through my teeth!

“Well… I’ve learned a few characters. Do you have somewhere to write?” My body suddenly relaxes, my demeanor tightens. I may be bad at many things, but lying? I was born lying in this world and I can keep it up no matter what.

“Ah, sure. Lucy!”

The guard walks up to me casually, offering me a fancy black leather notebook decorated with a golden apple and a silver arrow piercing it. She even opens the yellow pages for me, and provides a cheap plastic pen.

I nod, and quickly begin scribbling.

I scribble ‘Tlo’i’, ‘Golthoi’ and ‘Thako’ with their respective symbols.

“There. These are the ones I’ve learned.”

Lucía looks at me dead in the eye for a moment. I can feel the sharpness of her wit, she’s trying to read me… but it will be useless. I am in a dissertation now, bitch. I’ve been doing these for years, it’s my one skill.

“Interesting.” Lucía nods.

“So, what do these mean?” Pelafina approaches us to check on the symbols. “Terrible calligraphy, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.” The confidence abandons me for a moment, before I puff up my chest again and begin talking. “The first one is the word for ‘Butterfly’. The second one is a word for the action of turning something on, the third one… I am not sure yet.”

“When used on a spell, it makes the effect happen upon touching the glyph.” Lucía knows. “It’s a very common one.”

“Glyph?” I tilt my head.

“She means a combination of Runes, dear.” P smiles warmly. “Alright, so ‘Butterfly’, ‘Ignite’ and ‘Touch’, then?”

I never said ‘Ignite’ for Golthoi, but I guess that is a interpretation of it?

… Interesting. That these things have different meanings in different contexts, would that affect casting?

“Ah, I also found this.” I draw ‘Jo’ in the book. “Does this mean anything?”

“That one is used to counteract spells. If you draw this in a Glyph, it cancels its effect.” Lucía seems happy to provide the knowledge I lack.

I actually appreciate it, for it immediately made something click in my brain.

“It means ‘No’.” A voice whispers in my head, my own voice.

Yes. It’s a negative. That’s why it isn’t so common on its own. When added to another symbol, it negates it. ‘No-Light’ must be a way to say ‘Darkness’ or such… or… backwards, ‘No-Darkness’ equals ‘Light’.

Would this be dependent on the culture?

I smile a little bit to myself. This knowledge I will keep up my sleeve for now.

“What’s that smile for? Did you see something new?” Lucía is way too sharp to keep that smile from. I have to make something up quick.

“I realized I now know how to counter spells. That’s so cool…” I whisper to myself, channeling some of that wonder into my lie.

She seems to buy it, for she immediately focuses on correcting me.

“Knowing the Counterspell Rune is not enough, there are other factors to consider, so don’t go around trying to counter every spell so quickly.” She give me a smile I really dislike.

“Hmmm… well, that’s plenty for now,if that is all.” Pelafina shrugs softly. “It is quite late already… go back home for now, Tav.”

“B-But. I have so many questions!” I immediately pout. Saints damn it, so close to learn actually useful stuff!

“Yes, but sadly I cannot teach you. As the Overseer, I am bound by oath to remain neutral and not show favoritism for anyone.” The woman shrugged. “So, I can’t really teach you much. But, if you identify more words, I can definitely give you a few more pointers!”

“Fine…” A defeated sigh escapes my lips. So I’ll have to buy knowledge with knowledge, hmm? I look at Lucía for a second.

“Nope. I am too young to teach.” She immediately denies me.

“Tsk.” I look down… but then, an idea comes to me. Just a confirmation I need to get. “Can I check more stuff online? Maybe there’s resources out there…”

Pelafina frowns, looking at Lucía and waiting for her to explain. She eventually does, with a sigh.

“The process of getting on the internet as a mage is hard. You need a special router and everything, it’s honestly not worth it.” The guard shakes her head. “If you want, we can provide you one next time. But really, there aren’t many resources online for this… mages are isolationists, usually.”

Ah hah! So they don’t know of the forum! Alright then, that’s another point to my advantage.

“I don’t think I’ll need that, I have enough with mundane internet thank you very much.” I chuckle a little bit.

“I never got the so called ‘interwebs’ to be honest.” P grins. “Now, off to bed you go. Shoo, shoo. Remember coming back here at night, alright? That’s when it is nice and empty.”

Honestly, a nice and empty place to try and translate sounds fine to me. But I can just do that at home…

Besides. These people are dripfeeding me the information I need, so they are probably not trustworthy in the slightest.

I feel a little bad for not trusting Pelafina immediately, but…

“She threw you into this mess without consent.”

“Yeah, fuck her.”

Right.

“Alright then, I am going. Thank you again for everything, miss P!” I fail to hold back a yawn as I turn around and stand on the stairs. They… are still going up. “Uh.”

“The other stairs dear, there’s a magic escalator down.” Lucía tries not to laugh at my face, and fails.

“A-Ah, thank you.”

With a heavy sigh, I take the right escalator this time and disappear down the stairs. Looking at my clock, it’s already three in the morning…time to sleep for sure.

With some luck, the pillow will make this all make much more sense.


As Tav finally disappeared from the Elysium, and the sound of a closing door echoed through the room, Pelafina let out a little sigh, shaking her head.

“This isn’t going to work.” She commented, crossing her arms. “This girl is no good.”

“She seems smart enough. The type to keep notes….” Lucía suggested, her smile growing slowly.

“What are you suggesting?”

“Well. If we give her a few months and turns out she doesn’t make any breakthroughs, we can always… you know.”

“I don’t.”

“We can take her stuff.” Lucía finally said. “Just erase her memory and take the book and the notes back! With some luck, she probably took notes of the hints.”

“...Lucy, you’re diabolical.” The old crone chuckled loudly. “Ohhh, I guess we will get our chips back no matter how this gamble goes, then!”

“Of course! But I still don’t know why we can’t just go to a family of Mages and put this on their sleeper child!”

“That bitch Humiko probably thought of something like that.” A grumble escaped from the old lady. “This is our safest bet.”

“Well, I am just saying. If this experiment of yours doesn’t pay up, I may have to talk about this with the rest of the Coven…~” Lucía’s eyes were, for a moment, fully visible under that hood, brightly green. “And you know the captain wouldn’t like you skulking around with unapproved knowledge.~”

“Oh shush, you won’t.” Pelafina seemed quite confident of this. “Not after coming this close to finally finding that bitch…”

The overseer sighed, looking up to the fake stars for a moment while rubbing her hands together. What was this she felt? Anxiety?

“... It has to work, Lucía.” She finally said. “It has to.”

“What if it doesn’t though?” The guard tilted her head.

“It has to… it is our only way to free our King from his cell.”

“Welp, let’s hope this girl works fast!”

“I know. After all, King Hamil isn’t a patient man.”

What happened to VPR in your bio and what's going on? (Timestamp: 2:04) - Scheana: So to be honest, my sister does all of my links and that stuff on Instagram for me. I didn't even notice that it was taken out of my bio until everyone else did. I think maybe when she put the Sweet and Sour song in, she took out VPR because there were too many things in my bio. - Scheana: Also, for 11 years, I've never had anything VPR in my bio until we were nominated for an Emmy. James Kennedy and I worked together the day we found out and we're like, who could put it in their bio faster? What emoji should we use? - Scheana: And we both put it in our bio and then lo and behold, we didn't win the Emmy. And what was it? Emmy nominated VPR was in my bio for, I think just around the Emmy time and then my sister took it out. - Scheana: So literally no other rhyme or reason, nothing else going on there. It just, too many things in the bio just make it a little too cluttered looking and you know, I'm OCD. So I guess she just wanted to keep it clean.
Do you wish you guys have been able to break the fourth wall more? Are there any moments from past seasons where you wish that it happened? (Timestamp: 3:22) - Scheana: Yes, honestly, I think that is so interesting when you're watching a reality show and they talk about the show on the show. - Scheana: They do this on Kardashians. They do this on the D'Amelio show. And I just think that makes the reality even more real because there are things that happen in press on Watch What Happens Live at the reunion last year. - Scheana: There are things that you want to address where you have to say like, oh, well the last time we were in New York together, I noticed they were doing that on the first episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. And we used to do that all the time on the show. Sometimes you just want to be like, look at the reunion last year, but you have to say like, well the last time we all got together. - Scheana: And it's just easier and I think it makes sense if you just say, well, you said this on Watch What Happens Live, not I heard you said. And so I do hope moving forward with the way our season ended that we're able to have more moments like that because I think it just adds to our reality. And there have been so many things in the past. - Scheana: I can't even think off the top of my head, but yeah, many moments where I wish we could just talk about the show on the show. But I also understand why they don't like to do that. And I think it's only really meant for important moments. So, hopefully there is a season 12 and maybe we see a little more of that.
How are you feeling after Reunion 1 aired? (Timestamp: 4:56) - Scheana: Well, I have not looked on anything said on social media. I felt like watching the episode, it was a pretty good one. I think the next two are gonna be definitely more dramatic from what I remember. I feel like I tend to emotionally blackout after Reunion days. - Scheana: And I'm like, wait, what happened? What did we say? And then we have to watch it back. But that's the beauty of reality TV is you gotta watch back your life, the good, the bad, the cringe, all of it.
Is there anything you wish we got to see this season but didn't? (Timestamp: 5:35) - Scheana: There are a few things, but there's also a secrets revealed episode that is going to air, I believe only on Peacock, after the third part of the reunion the following week. - Scheana: So you'll see some new interview bites. We did some doubles there, which is really fun. And you'll see some scenes that didn't make it in. - Scheana: One of them is my sister's birthday and Valley Brat launch party. So that was a really fun day. Almost the entire cast was there. Katie and Tori were there. And I'm excited to see that. I haven't seen it yet, but I know that that's one of the scenes that we should be seeing. Stay tuned.
Anything you wish you said at the reunion that you didn't get a chance to say? (Timestamp: 6:20) - Scheana: I haven't seen the last two episodes of The Reunion yet, so I'm not sure what all will be included. You'll have to ask me again in two weeks.
What are you planning to do on the VPR break? (Timestamp: 6:34) - Scheana: Reflect, grow, learn. I'm going to be working on a dream project of mine this summer, so I'm very, very excited about having time to do that and not figuring out how I'm going to juggle that with filming five days a week. I'm going to get to enjoy a summer off for the first time in like 12 years and the first time as a mom. So I'm really looking forward to having some downtime focusing on some other projects. - Scheana: Summer starts preschool and yeah, it'll just be nice to finish getting stuff done in our house. We're almost fully furnished, not completely yet. We still got some tweaks and add some little accent pieces, need some artwork in the living room, but I'm just excited to have time with the family and in the new house. - Scheana: And as crazy as it sounds being in the desert in the summer, I love being in Palm Springs. Even if it is 120 degrees outside, there's just something about my house. It's so peaceful. - Scheana: And now that we have Lala next door, I mean, we have both of our houses close to each other, but we'll definitely be out there a bunch this summer.
How do we feel about the next season being on hold? (Timestamp: 7:55) - Scheana: I think this break is needed. Honestly, I think it is the smartest decision to not jump right back in to another season like we did after Scandoval. I don't think enough time had passed. And I feel like if we gave it a little more time to breathe, things would have been a lot different. - Scheana: But I don't know, maybe we needed to jump back in as soon as possible to capture what was still happening. But for right now, after that reunion and how dramatic the season ended, and as you guys know, we all watched the last part of the finale together in front of each other for the first time, which was extremely emotional. I feel like all of us need a little bit of an emotional break. - Scheana: Some from each other, some from the cameras. I need a couple more EMDR sessions before I go back into another season. But I think giving us some time off to let some new story build up, follow some of the projects that we've been working on. - Scheana: And yeah, I think it is very needed and I think it'll be good in the end. I didn't know how I felt about it in the beginning, but the more I've sat with it, I'm like, yeah, this is the right decision.
What did you make of Ariana voting No It's Done on that IG fan poll asking do you think there will be a season 12 of VPR? (Timestamp: 9:18) - Scheana: Well, as her friend, I fully support her pursuing her dreams. I always have. I've said that multiple times. It's like if VPR and reality TV no longer serve her, then on to the next thing. She's going back to Broadway. She's doing Love Island. - Scheana: She has so many amazing things lined up. I don't even know what else is in the pipeline for her, but I'm sure many more amazing things. So if it's time to move on, it's like I completely get it. - Scheana: As her coworker, if this is true, I mean, it's kind of frustrating that she would advocate for the end of a work project that is a big part of my business and what Lala and I as moms do to support our families. - Scheana: So that's what's tricky too with this show is our life is our job and our job is our life. And as a friend, I understand and respect boundaries. As your coworker, there can be moments where it's frustrating. So that's how I feel about that.
What are your hopes for season 12? (Timestamp: 10:40) - Scheana: Well, I hope that we have one. First of all, the finale did feel very series ending, but I think it also opens up the door for a new beginning. I think there are still so many stories to be told among this group. - Scheana: And maybe with ending the season with the fourth wall breaking down, maybe that opens up the door to more of that for hopefully season 12. I think we have a really interesting story to tell moving forward. And I think there's going to be a lot left to tell.
How do you feel about Ariana not watching the season? (Timestamp: 15:28) - Scheana: Look, I get that it can be difficult to watch back sometimes. And I am a person who season six did not wanna watch back that relationship. And that relationship with Rob doesn't even compare to her relationship with Sandoval. - Scheana: So I understand she was busy, she was working, she was living in her happy bubble in New York, doing Chicago, and probably didn't wanna let anything get into her orbit, burst her bubble. I did the same thing when I was doing my show in Las Vegas. And I was performing every night on stage. - Scheana: I didn't want any of that going into me going on stage. So I get not wanting to disturb your peace. It's like she was literally living her dream at the moment that the show was airing. - Scheana: But with that being said, she wasn't watching the season, but she was keeping up on social media. And that's the thing that's hard for me because she's seen clips. And I know this does get addressed later in the reunion. - Scheana: I don't know what will air. I just remember speaking about it. But she was basing her perception off of fan clips and commentary. Like I know she even said on Watch What Happens Live that one of the things that hurt her the most was seeing the backup dancer comment I made. - Scheana: And in context that was honestly never meant to be shady. It was a cheeky comment where I'm actually like making fun of myself. I mean, I am not Beyonce, okay? It was a joke. But for her to say that really hurt her, I'm like, damn girl, like I didn't mean it in that way. - Scheana: But if you did watch the whole season and Andy asked her, did you see the conversation Scheana had with Sandoval? I felt like that conversation, I was having her back. I was advocating for her and her mental health and the things that he had done that were wrong outside of the affair. - Scheana: She never even watched that. She says that she lived the show, so she didn't need to watch it back. But there were all of the moments that she wasn't there for that I do wish she watched back because I think she would have a bigger picture of how I was being a good friend to her. - Scheana: So for her and Katie to say that they felt like I was a better friend to Sandoval this season, I definitely don't think I was a better friend to Sandoval. I don't think I was a good friend to Sandoval at all. Did I treat him like a human? Sure.
Is Summer Moon's half sister really named Winter Sky? (Timestamp: 22:51) - Scheana: No, I think someone online made that up. It's been circulating. That is not her middle name. It's not for me to say what her middle name is, but it's absolutely not Sky or anything close to that or seasonal.
Why do you think Katie spoke one way about Ariana off camera versus on camera? Do you think it was because she wanted to protect Ariana's feelings or was she worried about the backlash from the fans if she said anything critical about Ariana? (Timestamp: 24:36) - Scheana: I don't necessarily think it's either. I think it was and has been a business decision for them to remain a united front. They've made a lot of money on something about her. - Scheana: So I get, you know, not wanting to affect their business and I fully support that. I know what Lala said at the reunion, she felt that Katie was being fake by acting one way on camera and different behind the scenes. But I mean, I think Katie was probably prioritizing her brand as she was making, you know, probably more from that than from the show. - Scheana: So as a friend, I understand and respect the business decision. But you know, again, as a coworker, it's frustrating when you're not living your truth. So I get it. - Scheana: But it's like, we all show up and do the uncomfortable stuff. And when others aren't, it is frustrating. And if you do act differently on and off camera, you're probably going to get called out for it. - Scheana: So you should be prepared. If you say something on a phone call, just like Brock said something to Lala in private season nine, you know, just because it's off camera doesn't mean it's not going to get brought up on camera. So being authentic always is the only way to be on reality TV, honestly.
Don you see Lala's hypocrisy when it comes to her critique of Ariana's boundary needs, like Randall? (Timestamp: 29:34) - Scheana: I think it's different situations. Honestly, Lala and Randall weren't coworkers. If Randall had been on the show, I think it would be a different story.
How do you feel about Lala saying you were living in the comments section? (Timestamp: 29:50) - Scheana: I think it's more the concept that I let public perception get to me as I really don't spend a lot of time in the comments section. I read the first 20 to 30, as those are usually people I follow and friends, and then I'll see the next couple, but once there's a negative one, I'm like, okay, let's put this away. - Scheana: So it's like if I did fully live in the comments section, it would not be good for my mental health. And I mean, of course I care when people are mad at me. I'm a people pleaser as we know, but I'm also working on that.
Do you agree with LVP that a Lala and Schwartz coupling would be a beautiful thing? (Timestamp: 30:29) - Scheana: No.
Do you agree with Lala that Ariana got cheated on and then made it her whole personality? (Timestamp: 30:31) - Scheana: No, I don't agree with that either. If anyone has made it their personality, that would be more fitting of the other woman involved.
What do you think happened in NYC with Jax, Tom and Victoria after Watch It Happens Live? (Timestamp: 30:54) - Don't know, don't care.
Why aren't you and Sandoval talking much now? (Timestamp: 31:00) - Scheana: I mean, Sandoval and I haven't talked much in over a year since pre Sandoval, so nothing really has changed.
Tom said in a recent interview that he's not getting a redemption arc, but a re humanizing. Do you agree? (Timestamp: 31:14) - Scheana: I mean, whatever it is, I think he probably blew it. And even just watching him on Watch What Happens Live this season, it's like, yeah, you really haven't changed, buddy. - Scheana: You know, I did try to do what Scheana always does and see the tiny bit of good still left and the soul still there, but yeah, you know, whatever
If Tom told LVP that he was suicidal, why was he still filming? Did she get him help? (Timestamp: 31:47) - Scheana: That is a great question. You'll have to ask her that. From what I know, if he was feeling that way during filming, he would have to be in therapy and like talking to a psychiatrist regularly. But yeah, I don't know too much else about that.
Now that the dust has settled, do you think Tom made you look dumb? Do you regret it? (Timestamp: 32:08) - Scheana: I wouldn't give him that much power, TBH. If you think I looked dumb, it was my own doing. I don't regret any of my actions. I don't regret trying to still see some good in someone who had been a very good friend to me for many years, leading up to filming the show from the beginning. - Scheana: Tom and I were very close. We were close for the first few seasons. Season three, I felt like, was it two or three? Whenever Miami Girl and the whole that came around, I did feel like I was seeing a different side of him, the side that we all saw last year. I didn't think he was good for Ariana. - Scheana: I voiced my concerns to her mom. I stand by all of those things that I said back then, but when Ariana convinced me that he was a good person, he didn't do this and I needed to get off this or I was gonna lose her as a friend, I immediately just got over it. I made him my brand again and we built such an insanely strong bond from season two or three, whenever that was, up until Scandoval - Scheana: Although we were not speaking a ton leading up to all of this stuff, I think he knew what he was doing and that's why he started distancing himself from me. That's why Rachel started distancing herself from me because they knew they were being shady for seven months. - Scheana: So Tom and I not speaking that much right now is no different than the seven months leading up to Scandoval. But it's like also with Tom, I've had conversations with him on and off camera and I've tried to get through to him to snap him out of this downward spiral to start showing some empathy and deference towards Ariana, but it's been over a year now and he hasn't really been able to do that. - Scheana: It's like, regardless of who this man was in the past, I do have to accept the reality that that is not who he is now. It's been a hard pill for me to swallow and to watch back, but I think part of me maybe hoped that he had temporarily lost his mind and could be just shaken back to reality. - Scheana: I hoped that he could be genuinely remorseful, but I don't think he is. I felt like there were moments of it where the mask came down and I saw that Tom, and then he's just gone again. And then he says dumb shit that he tried to defend on Watch What Happens Live. - Scheana: (Does a Sandoval impression) “I was like, well, no, I was saying it was good for me. I did my job.” And it's like, no, that's not how you meant. And that right there, it's like Tom, right when you're starting to take a few steps forward, you just fully bury yourself again. I just, I don't get it, but I guess I do.
Do you see how much Sandoval manipulated you in the finale with that final scene? Can't you see through Tom's narcissism? The man has repeatedly lied to you, put you in legal peril, and he takes cheap shots at you by bringing up the Eddie thing. When are you going to wake up and realize this man doesn't care about you (Timestamp: 35:00) - Scheana: Wow, that's a loaded question. Look, a lot of things happened this last year that have changed my perspectives on various people and relationships in my life. Tom and I were friends, as I just said, for so many years, and years before VPR, and it's like viewers have only seen a small fragment of that friendship on the show. Same can be said for all of my castmates. - Scheana: Tom and I are always going to be tied together through this show and our long history, but we're never going to have a friendship like we had before. It's impossible to go back when so much has been broken. Like not just the friendship broken, but the trust shattered. - Scheana: I mean, and I haven't really necessarily seen the growth in him that would merit my energy being fully put back into rekindling a full friendship with him. So I'm not going to try and build that back up if I'm not seeing that from him.
Following you these last years on the show, listening to the podcasts and vlogs, it really felt like you would finally found your voice in this group once you had cut ties with Tom Sandoval. Now that he's back in the picture, you seem to have lost it. How can we help get that voice back? (Timestamp: 36:24) - Scheana: Look, I'm working on it. As hard as it is to watch back sometimes, one of the benefits of reality show life is the added perspective that comes with it. So in due time, I am doing my best. I really genuinely am. I'm trying.
If Rachel tried to reach out to you now, would you respond? If so, what would you say? (Timestamp: 40:22) - Scheana: Oh, I don't think I'm ever gonna hear from that girl, so I don't know what I would say, honestly.
Do you think that Rachel was groomed by Sandoval? (Timestamp: 40:30) - Scheana: I mean, that part of their dynamic was nowhere near me, so I wouldn't be able to answer that.
***end of recap

Hi everyone, just thought I'd give an update to this post I wrote a month ago (hope that's ok!):
https://www.reddit.com/ADHDUK/comments/1c5h4ra/comment/kzwde2h/
First of all, thank you so much to those who replied, and helped, and shared their experience. It was very overwhelming. I received the report a couple of weeks after I wrote this online, and it felt like eternity - I was mentally really down and unwell. Then, it took me another few weeks to get down to the report, read it, do research, interrogate my mum, try to remember things, etc. I am not going to lie, I thought it was a very intense and painful experience. But then, I sent back everything on Wednesday, and I just got a phone call back from the assessor, and they reviewed the new evidence and diagnosed me with ADHD.
I just can't believe it, still - it's been 30 minutes, and I am still shaking. I hope this testimony will give hope to anyone who feels let down by the system. Even thought we shouldn't have to fight so hard for ourselves, please do not give it. Especially if you're someone from under-represented communities. It wasn't for the people who replied to me initially, I don't think I would have had such strength to fight for myself, so thank you.
A few advice for those who may find themselves in my situation:

• If you don't get an ADHD diagnosis due to lack of evidence, please ask them to give you time to read the report and get back to them with further evidence if you truly believe you weren't heard or may have forgotten to share things with them
• Don't be afraid to share with them academic research, the ones I shared were the following:

* research suggests that women tend to be less diagnosed with ADHD because of the differences in predominant symptoms and subtype ; that a child with Inattentive ADHD is less likely to act impulsively at all ; or early symptoms are not recognised as ADHD in young girls00010-5/fulltext). On top of this, as a woman of colour, I am terrified of socialcultural factors not being taken into account in my upbringing and that could explain why I was masking so many symptoms or not acting impulsively – research also suggests that “women and people of color tend to be overlooked in ADHD diagnosis and treatment” due to “insufficient awareness and/or social biases.”
And because I have an eating disorder, I also shared this: Statistics also shows that 6 in 10 children with ADHD had at least one other mental, emotional or behavioural disorder. (additional information: ‘Overlapping neurobehavioral circuits in ADHD, obesity, and binge eating’)
I was afraid to sound like I was telling them they don't know their jobs, but at the end, I thought that I had nothing more to lose.

• Use this Reddit to look through how people understood some questions! I totally didn't understand what "driven by a motor" meant during the assessment, but after reading people's experience, I thought: "oh... oh.... OH!" and added further evidence. Some questions, I believe, may be tricky to understand, especially on the moment.
• Please check how long you have until they discharge you from the service. My service does it usually after 2 weeks, but my assessor made sure they wouldn't before I get back to them with my evidence.
• Please check they receive your messages by calling, if you can, I initially sent my email and no one had received it!

Again, thank you so much for being such a welcoming and helping community! Now I am onto a second waiting list for medication... I am not sure how long until I hear back for this but this is a story for another time...
Have a wonderful day,

This isn’t a question of what to do ( find a new one) but how to handle this. My stylist is relatively new ( less than 4 years in the business ) and four months ago I made an appointment for my wedding day to have my and my daughter’s hair done. She suddenly texted me the other day ( the wedding is 2 weeks out) and says she’s going to be out of town that day for a friends wedding and can’t do my appointment. I basically just responded with “ oh” because I didn’t know what to say without sounding really mean.
Is there a correct way to say “ this is really unacceptable and you’re going to tank your career at this rate?” Or should I just say nothing and move on.

Gusto ko (25M) lang mag-share nang nararamdaman ko ngayon kasi after ng period ng intership namin, na-block niya (24F) din ako. Finally! Matagal ko nang inaasam-asam 'to. Tahimik na uli ang buhay ko at masaya ako kaysa naman nasa relasyon ako na 'di ako masaya at napilitan lang dahil sa pressure na natanggap ko mula sa mga katrabaho niya.
Una, kaya ko lamang pinilit ang sarili ko na papasukin siya sa buhay ko kasi nasa isip ko na what if makaapekto ito sa performance grade ko sa trabaho kaya kahit immature pa 'yong feelings, nag-risk na agad ako sa kanya. Ito din kasi ang mali sa'kin e: 'di ko talaga siya gusto pero pinilit ko ang sarili ko na magustuhan siya kasi baka naman may good side ako na makita sa kanya. And boy oh boy, sobrang red flag niya para sa standards ko.
Pero huli na. Every day, pinipilit ko na maging optimistic sa trabaho kahit na pakiramdam ko naglalakad ako sa eggshells o kaya isang maling tapak ko, katapusan ko na. Kaya sa loob ng 75 days ng internship ko, laging kalkulado ang mga galaw ko. Bawat kilos ko, may nakahanda nang Plan B kung hindi gumana ang first plan ko sa araw na 'yon. Kapag kakausapin ko siya, lagi ko na lang response ay either tatango lang ako, ngingiti, minimal default response o kaya titingnan ko lang siya sa mata para magtino siya at kumalma 'yang kiffy niya sa kilig. Sa sobrang OA niya, naririndi na ako kapag kasama niya ang mga katrabaho niya pero sobra naman niyang seryoso at 'di makausap kapag ako kasama niya. Kahit sa mga chats, sobrang tipid mo na hindi ko mabasa kong interested ka ba talaga sa'kin o ano. Like, pinaglalaruan niya lang ba ako at kinukwento 'yong nagiging experience niya sa mga best friends niya? Kaya hirap na hirap akong ibigay 'yong tiwala ko kasi once na maging open ako sa'yo, for sure ikukwento mo lang 'yan at pagtatawanan, just like how my superiors always do sa mga kasamahan nila sa 'di nila gusto.
Kaya, araw-araw nag-iisip ako ng reason na pwedeng makasira sa "nabubuong relasyon" na 'to kasi 'di na ako natutuwa pero kailangang ipagpatuloy para sa magiging grado ko sa ojt. Hanggang sa may balita na may nagrereto na sa'yo kaya I took the chance na i-ghost kita kasi for sure, ma-tu-turn off ka na sa'kin kapag ginawa ko 'yon. No talks, no connection for almost one month at akala ko okay na 'yon. Pero damn, matibay ka talagang hinayupak ka at mas pinili mo pang sindihan uli 'yong apoy na binasa ko na ng tubig.
For the second time at sa kadahilanan na hindi pa din tapos ang internship namin (nangangalahati na kami) kaya napilitan na uli akong pagbigyan siya kasi still, baka makaapekto uli ito sa grade ko. This time, binale-wala ko na standards ko sa isang babae kasi baka mababago niya 'yon para sa'kin. Pero tangina, para ko na ding pinaparusahan ang sarili ko. Gusto ko na lang umiyak kasi 'di ko talaga makita 'yong connection na hinahanap ko sa kanya. Sobra ko nang kinakawawa at sinisira 'yong puso, insanity, at peace of mind ko na iningatan ko ng madaming taon para sa babae na 'to. Grabe, para na akong baliw kakaisip sa babae na 'to. 'Di ko na alam ang gagawin ko talaga kaya go with the flow na lang ako kasi 'yon na lang talaga natitirang options ko.
Hanggang sa nagkaroon tayo ng misunderstanding sa last day ng ojt namin kaya no'ng araw na bunalik kami for oir very very last day na makikita niya ako, binigyan ko siya ng letter kung saan binuhos at sinabi ko lahat ng mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. Nakaabot ako ng 5 pages sa pagsusulat ng liham na 'yon na inabot pa ako ng almost midnight. Parang nagsulat na din ako ng essay no'n on how to break someone's heart HAHAHAHAHA Actually, nilalaman lang naman ng sulat ko 'yong pagiging totoo ko kaya ngayon, ni-stalk ko pangalan niya sa fb at blocked na niya ako.
Sa wakas, binasa niya din 'yong mensahe ko sa kanya kasi nalaman ko na 'di pala siya nagbabasa ng message sa pm (sayang pa naman 'yong long message ko sa kanya. Kung nabasa niya 'yon, EDI SANA WALA NANG SECOND CHANCE). Kaya, please 'wag niyo akong i-judge kasi sa'kin, niligtas ko lang ang sarili ko sa kanya kasi 'di talaga genuine 'yong magiging relasyon namin kung sakali na maging kami.
Salamat sa pagbabasa. 🙂
P.S. At kung iibig man ako, gusto ko masaya ako at masaya siya, masarap kausap, interesado sa isa't isa, at may connection na hindi pilit o may kasamang pressure. Aware naman ako sa ginawa ko at HINDING-HINDI KO NA GAGAWIN 'YON. MAGIGING HONEST, STRAIGHTFORWARD, AT STRICT NA AKO SA'KING BOUNDARIES sa magiging relationship ko (at hard pass na sa isang OA).

CONTEXT:
My boyfriend and I (F) have been dating for almost 9 months. When we first started dating, I started spending more time with him rather than with my friend group (lets call it friend group A), which is a bad move on my part to be honest but I have strict parents and not enough time in the day to hang out with both of them. It's not like I completely ditched them, I tried to split my time half half but it was really difficult to. None of them really had a problem with this except my best friend (Also F). Now, again back then we just started dating, and I was blinded to see that I was ditching my best friend. SO again. That's my fault.
A few months after we started dating, my boyfriend and I hung out with some more people as well, and soon we became something close to a friend group (friend group B). (btw: I hadn't ditched friend group A, I still spent time with both of them.) Friend group B consisted of most of my bgs friends, though I'm pretty much friends with his friends so it was fine for me. One day, I invited my best friend to join friend group B because she was closer to 2 of the friends in friend group B than A anyways. Everything was going pretty good with friend group B until my parents thought they were bad influences and told me to stop hanging out with them. Of course, I listened because well, they're my parents and I didn't want to make them mad. I ended up going back to friend group A, sometimes visiting friend group B mainly to see my bf, but here's the funny part. My best friend didn't come with me.
Now, I get that she was closer with some of the people in friend group B than A, and I wanted to be happy for her, because she seemed happy, but I was already really unhappy getting forced to leave friend group B, and it just sucks she didn't seem to care. We barely talked because we never saw each other anymore, and when we did see each other it seemed awkward or forced, nothing like how "best friends" are supposed to act. I always tried to muster up the courage to speak to her about it, but I was always scared it would ruin our friendship, even if it was dangling by a thread. As I couldn't do anything about it, I decided to just leave it alone, and perhaps things will just fall into place one day. Oh how wrong I was.
So I left it alone. I just hung out with friend group A and minded my own business, and I was completely out of the loop of friend group B, beside the occasional visits. When these visits happened, I noticed my boyfriend and my "best friend" starting to get kinda close. They knew a lot about each other and each others weird 'eras' (eg. my "best friends" old anime phase) and had a lot of inside jokes. I, being the one who introduced them to each other, of course tried to ignore it and be happy for them since I HAD originally wanted them to be friends, but now I was really regretting it. Soon enough, I noticed them texting constantly (snap number one best friend for 2months+ goes crazy), playing video games together (even with my "best friends" little sister like what!?!?!), and hanging out and going to lunch together (okay this was usually with friend group B as well but I thought it was weird my "best friend" was able to go out so much since she had strict parents like I did (even stricter actually) and we went out like once a month, but suddenly she was able to go out with friend group B so often?) Also, whenever I went to go visit my boyfriend and friend group B, I would see them interacting and felt like I was being left out. (Honestly I felt left out of friend group B entirely but that's another story) To be fair, these activities were pretty "friendly" but I just felt like there were some weird areas (I wont get into it since this is getting way too long). Or maybe I'm just a really really jealous person (actually that might be it).
I thought about two solutions. 1. I tell my boyfriend how uncomfortable I feel around the two of them, and make him cut her off, but this could risk my best friend getting mad at me idk. (Okay I'm making this whole thing out to be like my best friends an evil villain and im sure shes not (or she wasn't I'm not sure anymore) but I'm just really uncomfortable with what could be going on behind my back. I do trust my boyfriend, I'm just worried about how much my "best friend" has changed and if she'll backstab me). Also I'd feel really controlling even though I know he would 100% understand, it just feels weird to me if that makes sense? Like he has told me to cut contact with people and I've had no problem with that but I've never told anyone to do that before and I'm scared he'll get offended I don't trust him. And they're so close I feel like I'd be ruining their friendship? I DONT KNOW OKAY I have no idea what to do. 2. I tell my best friend everything she's done and how it really hurt me and try to make her understand. Yeah that seems like a better solution so I did just that. I told her everything that pissed me off and how I felt uncomfortable around them. She seemed to have understood (key word: "seemed to") and apologised and felt the same way as I did about our friendship drifting. She also emphasized how she and my boyfriend were "not that close anymore", but I definitely disagree with that (also agreed by another close friend in friend group B). And though she "seemed to" understand and said she would change, I do see changes in our friendship and out dynamic, even if its not a big one, but I don't think she understood JUST HOW uncomfortable I was with her and my boyfriend, because I didn't see a change there.
So the conclusion is, my boyfriend is really close friends with my best friend (now ex best friend ig) even if they don't admit it but its fairly obvious. I'm trying to be okay with it since I introduced them to eachother because I wanted them to get to know eachother, but I'm really struggling to not break into tears everytime I see them talking or sitting together or honestly everything they do together... I have no idea what to do to stop feeling like this. Am I making it sound really serious when its not? What do you guys think? What should I do?!
​
PS: sorry this is so long, I haven't talked to anyone about the true depth of this but its seriously unhealthy. this is my first reddit post so if i should make any changes let me know! also let me know if you guys have any questions! thank you !!!!

OK, today is the birthday of my big sister and it's also the day that I realised that I had forgotten to put a stamp on the envelope of the card that I had sent to my big sister earlier on in the week for today.
I only realised when my dad had rang me just to see how I was doing and he then mentioned "Oh, what sort of stamp did you put on it?" and it then hit me like a truck that I hadn't put any stamp on it at all.
So I just feel like the dumbest human being on the face of the earth because it wasn't like I was expected to paint a masterpiece on par with the Mona Lisa, all I had to do was get a card and put a gift voucher in it.
There isn't really much that I can do apart from just owning up to my mistakes and I made sure to send my sister a message to let her know and apologise for my screw up meaning that she probably won't get getting anything from me.
TL;DR: I'm a forgetful bugger who managed to fall at the very last hurdle of something that doesn't exactly require you to be a brain surgeon to complete and basically going a whole week without realising it until the day that the card was meant to have arrived.
Edit: My sister got back in touch and she's not mad, which is obviously good.

Jaws the shark! Lurking in the dark of the depths of sea, one day on a lark Decides to get rowdy, get real violent Takes a vay-cay up to Amity Island Sunshine lotion fun in sun Blood in the ocean, everybody run 'Cause it's crazy how few fucks this shark gives He'll eat naked ladies, he'll eat little kids! Oh, no! But the one thing keeping the community safe Is a guy named Brody and his pal Richard Dreyfuss Jaws don't know that a storm's gonna come He just wants everyone to be his chum, get it, get it The mayor don't care if the townsfolk die He doesn't want to spoil the fourth of July He's like, "Everyone cool it, and go for swim!" But holy shit here comes that fin! Jaws is here Here is Jaws (He is a shark without a cause) He was in a movie you should watch it it's called Jaws Jaws is here Here is Jaws (He is a shark who fights the law) He was in a movie that everyone saw Long story short, the beach gets closed The mayor's like, "Okay, yeah, this blows" Suddenly Jaws has got a price on his head But the wrong little shark baby ends up dead It was Jaws' little brother, now he's pissed The mayor just shot to the top of his list He sneaks in his house in the middle of the night And he eats that fucker in a single bite Golly Now the mayor's dead, so Brody's in charge He knows the real killer is still at large So he and the Dreyfuss make a decision They're going on a mission They're gonna go fishing For Jaws A man named Quint lets them use his boat On the condition that he be the one to cut Jaws' throat 'Cause he was a sailor back in World War II And Jaws ate his entire crew, woah! Jaws is here Here is Jaws (He is a shark without a cause) He was in a movie, a movie called Jaws! Jaws is here Here is Jaws (He is a shark who fights the law) He was in a movie that everyone saw They're out on the sea, they wait all night Where could Jaws be? He's no where in sight Dreyfuss decides to go down in a cage And Jaws shows up in a full on rage He tears up the cage like paper in a shredder While Dreyfuss's makes his wetsuit wetter He hides behind a rock like cowardly prick And he doesn't come back until the end of the flick Brody's like, "We're gonna need a bigger boat" So they go home and get a bigger boat The biggest boat that's ever sailed Gonna kick Jaws' ass or I guess his tail, yeah his tail But, oh, my shit! Jaws jumps out and Quint gets bit! Right in half like a kit-kat bar! Up in the sky there's a shooting star That's Quint up in heaven, he's a star now Brody's angry, he's all like, "Fuck it" He takes a harpoon and welds it to a rocket Jaws' last words are, "Woah, respect" Then he explodes and it's a pretty good effect, yeah! Jaws is dead Long live Jaws (He was a shark without a cause) He was in a movie, you should watch it, it's called Jaws JAWS IS DEAD LONG LIVE JAWS (He was a shark who fought the law) He was in a movie that everyone saw (He was in a movie that everyone saw) He was in a movie that everyone saw Jaws is dead Long live Jaws (He was a shark without a cause) He was in a movie, called Jaws (Jaws is dead) At the Academy Awards (Long live Jaws) He was robbed (He was a shark without a cause) Sharks exist in real life, woah (He was in a movie that everyone saw) Jaws is dead Long live jaws

So this can be either a fun or a mortifying conversation to have depending on who you are and who your first fictional crushes were at the age you had them.
But you know what? I think that it would be fun regardless!
So let's get to it, in no particular order other then what comes to mind first.
=][=
1) Amy Rose: I think Amy Rose was my first fictional crush from a video game as a kid. Definitely because of Sonic Adventure DX and 2 Battle, but damned if I could tell you why. All I know is that it has left me for an appreciation for pink hair and pink things in general that has lasted to this day. It's not fierceness, that really wasn't a thing with her character back then (but is in things like Boom and while that IS something that would have gotten me hard like fishhooks back then as it does now it's not BECAUSE of the Amy that kid me had a crush on) ((Edit: Oh it was Misty from Pokemon and Jessie from Pokemon, that's where that fierceness appreciation came from as a kid)).
2) Clover from Totally Spies: Yeah this one probably tracks for how memed the show is, and I remember very little about the show itself, but I distinctly remember that for a good long while as a kid she was absolutely my favorite and to this day I don't know why. I think it was her rather combative and fiery attitude combined with being the only blonde I have ever been attracted to, which at least partially came from her rather unique hair-style.
3) Boromir: So Boromir from Lord of the Rings specifically was my first "Man Crush" as a kid, which I only recognized as a crush crush years later. Bemusingly enough most people I knew who had a similar LOTRs crush had fell hard for Aragorn or Legolas instead. Never a Gimli though sadly. Or a Frodo.
4) Martin Septim: Martin Septim from the Elder Scrolls Oblivion is the main character of that game, and it's for very good reason.
A Middle-aged priest tired and greying, but warm and caring. Feels unworthy of his role, and is forever doubtful of himself, there is just something about this man that struck me and hundreds of others like a dagger to the heart.
5) Morrigan: Dragon Age Origins. . . . It's Morrigan. Mean, Flirtatious, Dark and Gloomy, and ever so slightly evil. Morrigan has done so much to what I appreciate in terms of general taste, it's a lot.
6) Tali: Mass Effect. Yeah was never a Liara guy, I played Final Fantasy XIII first so going from that game to hearing Lightning speak in a really soft and breathy voice just drove me up the wall, but Tali was . . .well cute! Cute and fierce, and later on protective and so so so driven.
7) Gauldoth Half-Dead: Heroes of Might and Magic IV. . . . .Look it's like how people are attracted to Ghouls from Fallout, except imagine that the guy is only HALF-Dead, is a necromancer, and goes out of his way to save the world and protect his people from his gone mad Master. He's an edgy badboy who stops himself from going full Shadow or Geralt by fact of being a super pragmatic necromancer.
=][=
Those are all of the ones I can think of at the least, that definitely influenced my tastes in a major way.
I'm sure that there are at least a dozen that I am forgetting in the forgotten mists of time, but these are all of the ones that I can remember at the least.
But that's just me, what about the rest of y'all? Who and Whom were your first fictional crushes? Why/What made you attracted to them do you think? And are you embarrassed about your choice of crush back in the day?

Ok the title is dramatic, but I’m pissed at them right now. I tried to order another 4 starter kits a few weeks ago but they were suddenly out of stock.
Then they put them back up as “new and improved” but the only change is the inclusion of a 90 degree stubby antenna. I don’t want that. I don’t know anyone who wants that. I don’t even think it comes with a ufl to Sma adapter 😂. Of course they raised the price from $24.99 to 29.99 when they did this change.
Fine, sure, prices go up sometimes. But they were trying to include a dumb t shirt when they relisted it, and you couldn’t take the t shirt off the order, and you couldn’t use the 15% coupon code along with the t shirt discount ☠️. Just bad decisions at every turn. I sent an email asking if I could please just order the kits without a t shirt and use my coupon code from the last order, and oh can I get a discount if I order in bulk and get them without the new antenna?
It took them four days, they sent me three emails back saying they were working on it, and finally got back to me this morning with this message.
“Good day! It has been confirmed that we can support your request to purchase 4 pcs of WisBlock Meshtastic Starter Kit without the 2dBi antenna and we can offer this for $29.99 per unit.”
So, fuck em. I don’t actually need more gadgets, I’ve got a half dozen of these already and nobody around anyways. I was going to put these up as hidden solar nodes, but I’ll find something else to build.
Of course, they finally ran out of the terrible orange large t shirts and with my coupon code they are back to $25 each, but now I’m just annoyed. Did someone from meshtastic actually make a deal with them for those 100 orange t shirts? Wtf kinda promo was that supposed to be 😂

PART ONE THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN
[Previous Chapter] [The Beginning] [Patreon+2]
Sunday
Lucas tapped the flat of his finger twice on the partially open door, more to let Boyd know he was coming than actually requesting permission to enter. He pushed it open and strode through as the somewhat welcoming grunt came from within.
“Hey, sexy,” he said, crossing the two rooms to zoom in on Boyd sitting at his bench. On the spinner before Boyd was a larger figure than he had ever done before: an eighteen-inch figure of a woman with an hourglass figure wearing a form-fitting formal gown that flowed to the floor, swaying as if she’d just stepped to her right. Her hands were curled as if she were holding something or someone, but that part was missing.
“Ooooh,” Lucas said, resting his head on Boyd’s shoulder to examine the piece closer. “She’s pretty.”
“She’s also the viscount’s granddaughter, who I think is married to a prince somewhere in Eastern Europe. I’d have to pull out her details again, but she’s already got two kids, and she still looks this good.”
“She doesn’t look old enough to have two kids.”
“That’s what happens when you marry when you’re still a teenager.”
“Please tell me it wasn’t an arranged marriage.”
Boyd did a slow pan to level an annoyed look at him.
“What? They used to.”
“Slavery was a thing in America back in the day, too.”
Lucas made a deflating raspberry. “If you want to get technical,” he grumbled.
Boyd twisted his seat to face him, loosely curling his arms around Lucas’ waist. “Where are you off to, Mister Soon-To-Be-Masters?”
Oh-ho. Someone’s feeling playful. “I thought you were going to become a Dobson,” Lucas countered, leaning in to give him a quick morning kiss.
“Yeah, but then I was reminded I do have family that I care about.”
“None of which are Masters. Your mom and Aunt Judy are sisters who changed their names when they married. If you were going to take any of their names, we’d both be changing to Davenport.”
Boyd looked down at where their abdomens rested against each other.
“Hey,” Lucas said, sliding his hand under Boyd’s chin and lifting it so he could see those beautiful baby blues focusing on him. “What’s going on, love?”
Boyd opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He tried twice more. “Ten years,” he finally croaked. “They took me in and gave me a home within the family for nearly two years, and I repaid them by cutting them out of my life the second I could. Who does that to their own?”
“Somebody with a lot of fear,” Lucas answered honestly. "And that somebody isn’t you anymore. You’ve invited Emily to be our accountant, and personally, I hope you know what you’re doing there…”
“Emily has always been good with money. The only time she’s ever been off is when she borrows money from you, and you go to get it back. By the time she’s finished explaining all the financial movement around the transaction, you end up owing her twice as much, and she’s really convincing. Computerised flow charts and everything.”
Lucas hoped he was exaggerating. If Emily had been that quick and deceptive to separate Boyd from his money when she was a teenager, she might have been even more cunning now. Lucas would remain attentive until she proved herself because the love of his life had earned this break. “Okay,” was all he said since he didn’t want to argue.
Boyd nipped the tip of his nose. “Don’t you ‘okay’ me in that tone of voice.”
Lucas pulled back and rubbed the back of his hand against his nose. It hadn’t hurt, but it was weird. No one had ever done that before. “I’m a cop, love. In my world, it’s guilty until proven innocent.”
“Getting back to my original question. Where are you going?”
“I’m going to go and get some supplies for Levi and Maddy. The dumbass has been worrying himself sick over where he can leave Maddy on short notice if he and Austin get called out to a fire together. They can’t waste up to an hour each way getting over to Queens and Brooklyn.”
“Tell him she can stay with us,” Boyd said without hesitation. I’ll be here all the time, and if I’m out and it’s an emergency dump-and-run, I can drop whatever I’m doing and call someone to teleport me back.”
Lucas leaned in and kissed him again. “And that’s just one of the many reasons I love you,” he said once they parted. “Charlie will be here too, which means Robbie won’t be far away either. Levi still wants to run it past Llyr since it’s his place, but so long as we keep her on our side and away from Miss W, it won’t be a problem.”
“You’ll need to remember to lock up your guns when she’s here.”
Lucas nodded thoughtfully in agreement without speaking. It would devastate everyone if Maddy somehow managed to get her hands on one of his work firearms and fire it. He’d need to get a thumbprint safe – something that he could get at very quickly in a crisis.
“How is she with beds?”
“What?”
“Don’t little kids have those hospital guardrail things, so they don’t roll out of bed and hurt themselves? I mean, your bed isn’t that far from the floor, but if you’re getting supplies, you might want to think about some of those things to keep her in.”
Lucas hadn’t thought about that. “Okay, then it’s going to be a bigger shopping trip than I thought, but that’s alright. Levi and Maddy are going to chill in the apartment until I get back.”
“Do you want me to check in on them?”
“Nah, it should be fine. Levi knows where Charlie’s office is, and if he’s going to annoy anyone while they’re at work, it should be our sister.” Lucas turned Boyd back to his carving and leaned his head on Boyd’s shoulder. “You keep outdoing yourself, you know that, right?”
“These tools are magic. I can’t do a thing wrong with them.” With a slight grimace, he added, “Hey, have you ever heard the story about the kid who gets the magic piano?”
Lucas squinted warily. “Am I going to like this story?”
“It’s a cautionary tale. This kid finds a magic piano, and all he has to do is work the pedals, and the piano plays itself. No one notices it’s not the kid, and the kid’s ego grows with each performance until he’s an international sensation. Then, he has a fight with the piano over who the star really is. The following night, the piano refuses to play, and the kid is booed off the stage. His family is left financially ruined.”
“I will beat you within an inch of your life if you equate that to you.”
Boyd looked at him. “How can I not? I mean, when I relax and just let the tools do what they’re made to do, the pieces come out flawlessly—every time. But the second I worry, minor defects creep in. Nothing I can’t counter and fix, but still…”
“If it concerns you that much, why not do a piece every now and then without the divine tools to prove to yourself that the skill is yours and the tools are just tools?”
Boyd looked over the divine toolset, then back up at the shelf where his older tools were. “That’s a good idea,” he admitted.
Lucas lightly kissed him on the lips and stepped out of his grasp. “I’ve been known to have them now and again. Oh, and don’t forget we’re going to Angus’ this afternoon. Just the six of us.”
Boyd raised his left hand in acknowledgment, but his focus was back on the carving even as his right hand picked up a scalpel of some kind and drove it across the carving’s middle. The blade was then smoothly passed to his left hand to make an incision from that side while his right reached for a new tool.
As he’d said, his motions were flawless, with chips and shavings flying at the speed of a professional wood chopper. Lucas could watch him work all day, but if he was going to make it to Angus’, he needed to leave now.
He let himself out and headed for the main front door to the level.
A little over an hour later, after grabbing several sets of clothes in his brother’s size, Lucas was standing in the middle of the children’s clothing section, blinking in confusion at all the options. He would go to touch one, then back away, unsure.
He must have looked pitiful because a staff member in her mid-thirties took pity on him and approached with a warm smile. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, this is crazy,” he answered, gesturing to the millions of clothes options before them. “My brother asked me to look after my niece in an emergency, and I want her to have whatever she’ll need at my place in case he doesn’t have time to take her home.” He looked at all the clothes. “Whatever that entails.”
“That’s really sweet. Is your brother a doctor?”
“Fireman.”
The woman gave Lucas the once over. “I can see that.”
Lucas chuckled. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. Between him, Levi and Mav all sharing their dad’s muscle, they’d always caught people’s eye. “Anyway,” he said, wanting to move this along. “My niece is three going on four, and she’s about this high,” he said, showing her height as an inch or two under his hip.
“Does she have any favourite TV shows?”
“Spongebob,” Lucas said, incredibly grateful for his conversation with Levi over breakfast. He’d have never had that answer otherwise. “And if you’re not doing anything after we get her clothes sorted, my fiancé mentioned something about bed rails since she’ll be sleeping in my old queen-sized bed. This is an all-in shopping trip for her, and I have no idea what to get.”
“Do you have any toys for her? And no, I’m not pushing for a commission here. Little minds need to be kept stimulated, or little hands will end up in places they have no business being. If this is your first time looking after her, you’re going to want a few toys, books, and things to keep her busy.”
“My brother is already nagging me about buying her the basics. What would you recommend that won’t make it seem like I’m trying to buy her affection?”
“Are you okay with electronics, or are you trying to steer her away from that?”
“It doesn’t faze me. It’s more the cost. I don’t want to buy her what my brother hasn’t or can’t afford. I’ve been into too many households where kids have every version of PlayStation, Xbox and Nintendo and every known game that goes with them. Those kids appreciate nothing, and that’s not something I’m okay with.”
“You see a lot of people’s houses?”
“I was a beat cop for over eight years before my promotion.”
“A policeman and a fireman? I’m sure there's a joke involving a bar in there somewhere.”
“If there were, the third person would be an ice hockey player,” Lucas chuckled again, already liking this woman. As they wandered through the aisles, she added things to his cart. Clothes were first, but they quickly moved on to toys. A couple of generic soft toys. and the board game “Candyland”. Lucas grabbed ‘Hungry, Hungry Hippos’, as that was one he and his brothers had played when he’d been Maddy’s age. Then came two large boxes of Duplo.
Not once did it feel like the sales assistant was pushing an agenda. She even paused to consider the options as if she were buying them for her own kids. Lucas really appreciated that.
As they were walking the isles, Lucas came to a screeching halt and stared at a range of doctor, nurse and vet play sets. Two jumped out at him. One had a plastic pet carrier with a handful of bulky instruments, and the other came in a bright blue bag with red handles and a white pawprint on the side. It had a comprehensive range, including toy bandages, pill bottles, cream jars, syringes, a stethoscope and even a cone of shame. Both went into the cart after he checked to make sure the two soft animals would fit in the carrier.
Mason’ll have a field day showing her exactly how to simulate using all this stuff, he thought to himself with a grin.
“You’re really very thoughtful,” the woman said after he explained why they both had to be purchased.
Lucas specifically asked for books after that. Real books with paper pages. He was sure his mother (as a high school English teacher) would murder him in his sleep if he didn’t buy Maddy at least ten books ranging from ones she could memorise and pretend to read (which, in her grandmother’s eyes, taught her word structure and was the first step in learning to read), with ones he could read to her. And that, of course, required Spongebob bookends to hold them together.
“Your fiancé is a lucky woman if you’re willing to do all of this for your niece,” she said once the cart was full and they were heading back to the checkouts.
“Yes, he is,” Lucas agreed, deliberately sliding in Boyd’s gender without making a huge issue of it.
Her eyes widened in horror. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Wow, I really shouldn’t make that assumption anymore, and I apologise.”
Because this was New York. “Apology accepted,” Lucas said, waving it aside. Boyd might have been embarrassed, but thankfully, he wasn’t here. “Thanks again for all your help.”
* * *
((Author's extra-long note:
Heya guys! Just letting you know I need to take a week off. [It’s nothing to do with the community here, I promise! I love writing this, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.]
In fact it's … you know what? Stuff it. You guys might as well know. Remember how I mentioned earlier this year we were fighting for more care for my special needs daughter?
That’s the issue.
Our support coordinator has our written authority to act on our behalf. Yet we’ve been told in writing from the government department that if she doesn’t back off, the whole request, including thousands of dollars of specialists interviewing our daughter and reporting their findings, will be deleted, and our request, including all-new interviews and reports, will have to start all over again.
I’m almost at the point where I’m not sleeping, but our support coordinator has promised us to fight because, in her words, “This is getting ridiculous.”
I’ve been really struggling to write this week with everything going on in the background. I’ve finally admitted I need to pull back (just for one week—I mean it when I say how much I love this writing and the little community we’ve formed) to focus on sorting out the mess, so that my writing isn’t tarnished by the battlelines that are being drawn up in the background.
(I already scrapped a page and a half because my anger at things [I bounce between anger and depression] had people who were usually very chill (Robbie) acting in a very aggressive manner that simply wasn’t them. Because of this, I’ve already used up several of my backlog this week and I loathe to lose any more, given how hard they were to build up. (The thought of using them up without others to take their place was also adding to my stress.)
And I was told by my beta reader, ‘Given you’ve been doing this for over three years, and you’ve only had the occasional day off due to sickness, take the week and regroup, stronger than ever.
I agreed. This means my next post will be on Monday, the 27th, Australian Time.
This means my next post will be on Monday, the 27th, Australian Time.
I hope with all my heart that you’ll all still be with me when I return next week.
Karen. ))
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I’d love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
I made a family tree/diagram of the Mystallian family that can be found here
For more of my work, including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!

This is silly, I am an adult (20F) so I know I shouldn't be freaking out so much, but here I am. I've been doxxed before in a smaller community online and definitely had my number passed around by people who don't like me. Being doxxed literally put a lasting fear of the internet into me, and still to this day makes me fear any type of recognition online. I used to be, and still am REALLY bad at protecting my information online, especially with like, sketchy websites and email addresses and all. Not a good recipe. I know.
Few minutes ago, a No Caller ID number tried to call me. I let it ring and then enabled the "muting all no caller Id" setting on my phone, but I am still left shaking. I'm well aware it could be a scammer, but it also could be a person who really doesn't like me. I've received random texts before, and had my address leaked too. 🙁 so this is just, really stressful and scary.
I guess I just need some reassurance or a reality check. These people can't hurt me. I live in a very small country where basically no one speaks English but it's still so scary. I have major phone anxiety and discomfort around my privacy being invaded by my number being so public somewhere... where do scammers get random numbers from? It's been ONE call but Im already thinking of changing numbers. Oh god. 🙁

Unfortunately, following a somewhat crowded outdoor event, I ended up getting COVID for the second time. This was definitely worst than the first time because it caused all sorts of GI symptoms. I was ok for a bit, but started to notice ll my food was digesting super slowly and it kept going downhill from there. Now I thought it was just gastroparesis, and I was suffering from severe weight loss as well, and bloodwork showed some high cholesterol, so my primary recommended an ultrasound, and after that that I see a gastroenterologist and a liver doctor as well to rule out anything else. Ultrasound showed mild fatty liver and sludge in the gallbladder.
Liver doctor was useless and dismissive. According to her, my GERD was managed by "weight loss" (it was not; it was managed by not fucking eating onions all the time mainly LMAO and reducing other triggers like tomato sauce and oddly and specifically, chocolate mousse). She also recommended I see a nutritionist, which considering I just said I could barely tolerate any food and wasn't eating and experiencing rapid unexplained weight loss what good would that do? Didn't bother doing a follow-up.
Gastroenterologist was my savior frankly. She listened for one, had me do an endoscopy just to make sure I had no other stomach issues (just mild gastritis and a hernia, which I knew about), and after getting all my ultrasound scans as well, recommended surgery after some more spasms, pain, and my symptoms just not improving and experiencing more food sensitivities and intolerances. I went to the ER because my pain was getting worse and I couldn't take it, ultrasound was done there only for the sludge to have completely vanished even though i still had pain, got sent home because why would they do anything extra even though my pain was almost 24/7, but you know, no fever = oh you're fine lol. The ER doctor did recommend additional scans though, so I went back to my gastro, who ordered a HIDA scan.
HIDA scan gave me the proof I needed; my gallbladder had an EF of 19%, and she recommended a surgeon to me, had my appointment with him, gave him all of my medical results, told him my symptoms, and he immediately explained to me how laparoscopic surgery would work and boom, surgery ended up getting scheduled for the next week, and I was his first one of the day. Got that done yesterday, and while the anesthesia had me super down and out for the count and peeing afterwards sucks and is very very slow and irritating, it still doesn't compare to the gallbladder pain; I had to stop eating dinner and was living off of cream of wheat and baby snacks up until the surgery, and even water triggered pain. Didn't have any gallstones, but it turns out my gallbladder was "partly intrahepatic" and inflamed and I had a short cystic duct, so it was probably a matter of time before it started fucking up, but COVID might have accelerated it since I never had issues prior to getting it the second time, and i see other people in the sub have had similar (the first time I got COVID, it just attacked my lungs mostly, also messed with my motor skills and I had a lot of fatigue and heat intolerance).
That's my story, and I'm sharing because maybe it'll help someone else who was just as lost as I am. It's absolutely shitty, and the US healthcare system is a nightmare especially when you're a femme person of color, and I will say I got very lucky with my gastro. Just gotta keep trucking along and keep fighting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, rooting for yall!
EDIT: oh forgot to mention that my period started the literal day of surgery, but it didn't seem to affect much and the nurses were very kind enough to offer me two pads and surgical underwear!

I am in need of a truck. It will be used for an occasional commuter, snow day transportation, and towing a boat or tractor (5000lbs at the most). I have come up with 3 possibilities and was looking for a little advice. They ae all similar in price with only a 4k spread. Here's what I am looking at cheapest first.
2020 STX 5.0 21k miles. This truck is not CPO so I would likely get an extended warranty on it bringing up in price. Oh and its magma red.
2020 XL 2.7 42k miles. This one is CPO. This one also has the full center console which I like a lot. Magma red.
2021 XL 2.7 32k miles. This one is CPO as well and also with the full console. Leadfoot gray (I think that's what it is called).
In terms of reliability and fitting the above criteria is one of these a best choice?

This is gonna be long so bear with me pls. I (f21) used to hook up with this guy (m22), I started liking him a lot, he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship. I didn’t take it personally plus I was transferring to another school abroad at the end of the year and then I’d probably never see him again.
About 3 months after i moved (so march 2023) he spontaneously booked a flight and came to visit me during spring break, he stayed with me and we were together basically the whole time, we hooked up but it was kind of an fwb situation? but throughout he kept dropping hints which I decided to ignore since I knew he wasn’t interested in being more than friends.
I do want to mention that I come from a rather well to do family and i might be a little spoilt in the sense that my family pays my tuition so I don’t have student loans and I get my rent money and some pocket money from home because my family doesn’t want me to work yet so I can focus on school more, but since I moved I have been working 2 jobs (without my family knowing) to save money because I like to live comfortably, go shopping, travel, and I’m trying to save up for my masters so I’m pretty comfortable financially, which he saw on his visit since I paid for p much everything. (Now that I think about it, I took a leave from work and didn’t have school that week so he didn’t actually see how hard I work, to him i was just chilling all day and living rich).
When he went back after his visit he kept talking ab how he has such a good time with me and how he really likes me and we started talking a lot more and I was kinda into him again. After like a month he started telling me that he wants to stop seeing other people and he dsnt want me to see other people either, still no mention of a relationship but he wanted to be exclusive. I had been on a couple dates since I moved but I wasn’t really interested in anyone so I agreed. Within a month of that (so june 2023) he started saying he loves me and for the longest time I hesitated to say it back but eventually i did. He kept saying he wants to visit me again etc but he cnt afford it. I agreed to pay bec i wanted to see him too but I thought that since I didn’t have school all month we could go on a little vacation instead of just him coming over, since I could afford it. We planned an trip for July and decided everything but before I paid for anything I asked him if he sees this ever turning into a relationship and he told me no at first but after i said if it’s not going anywhere (I was going to pay for his flights, all the stay and we would split the money we spend there) I don’t want to invest financially in it like time is one thing but i work really hard for the money, he said he just doesn’t feel like he’s ready for a relationship now but gave me hope saying that might change as we spend time together. I was naive enough to fall for that and we went on our little vacation.
Towards the end of the vacation like 2 days before we were supposed to go back, we were at a club and I was sitting down with my drink while he was on the floor and I saw him make a snapchat call and he was on it for a while and in the middle of it his screen lit up and a girl’s (let’s call her K) bitmoji was on it, so i went up to him to ask who he was talking to, he straight up lied and told me it was one of his guy friends and i just went and sat back down. After he finished the call he came and sat next to me and held his phone in a way that he obviously wanted me to look at the screen bec he had called his guy friend now the bitmoji was on the screen, which was such a failure because his guy friend didn’t even answer the phone he just showed me the “ringing” screen. I didn’t say anything tho because we both were pretty drunk and I didn’t want to start a fight in that condition. The next was our last night there and it went well but on the way back to our hotel at the end of the night i forgot my phone in the uber and used his phone to call the uber driver to ask if there was any way i could get it back. He was almost passed put by the time the uber driver came back around to bring my phone so i asked him if i could take his phone outside while i go to bring my phone just in case I need to contact the driver, he agreed and unlocked his phone and gave it to me. When i was going, K called him and i just rejected the call but then she sent him like a million texts and my suspicion got the best of me and I opened the chat. I barely had to scroll up before I saw several explicit msgs and photos (all very recent) and it made me sick to my stomach. I got my phone back and went back to the room to find him passed out I threw his phone at him and he woke up and we talked about it basically all night, I was crying like the whole time and in the end he promised me he wouldn’t do it again and he only wants to be with me and all this other emo (and in hindsight, toxic) crap that I fell for at the time and the next day we flew back.
Things were okay for like 2 months after that. On Halloween we were both on facetime, getting ready to go to halloween parties (in our respective countries lol) and I was telling him how to do his makeup (he really likes my style and often asks me for advice on clothes, makeup, hair etc) we talked for a while it was all great and after we got ready we ended the call and I went to the party (it was like 10min from my place) and as soon as I got there I tried to send him a snap but couldn’t find him on my snapchat friend list, so i tried to text him on Instagram only to find he had blocked me, on everything.
I DID NOT handle that well. After he had been nc for a week, he called me. Of course, I couldn’t resist and answered. He asked for help with a school project (I would often help him with things like that, even tho he was in a much complex course i would learn his stuff and then help him with homework and stuff). Even tho I was not in good condition physically bec of the withdrawals and even tho he hadn’t even addressed the fact that he had blocked me on everything out of nowhere I decided to help him again because I was just so desperate to talk to him and I basically made the whole thing for him and he got a good grade, he thanked me and stuff and when i asked him why he blocked me he just said “idk i was just upset idk why” he just always refused to talk about it. But i mean social media is so accessible, i did see that he had been commenting on K’s old Instagram posts (he commented on ALL her posts actually) throughout the week, so i’m sure it had something to do with her, but I didn’t ask because he seemed irritable whenever i would bring it up.
We started talking like before again, he graduated (i’m still in school) and we planned for another vacation for new years eve. Big surprise, even tho he was the one who proposed the trip, now he was unemployed so he couldn’t afford it, again. And another big surprise, I agreed to pay for it again. It was all good except I brought about $1000 in cash to spend on the trip and every time I took money out of it he would comment about how it was such a “fat stack” which sussed me out a little but whatever. About halfway through the trip I got really drunk and passed out and when I woke up the next morning all my cash was gone and I asked him if he kept it with him and he refused and got mad at me for losing such a big amount of money (as if I wasn’t stressed enough) and how he was going to have to pay now (hotels and flights were already paid for, he’d be paying for drinks and food basically). I still don’t think he would steal from me bec if he wanted money he could just ask and I would have just given him and not even asked for it back but there’s nowhere it could’ve gone because I never took the whole cash out of the hotel room and it was just us two there. I didn’t want to accuse him of anything so i let that go and never mentioned it. But that was the first time I got sus ab him with the money.
Fast forward to two months ago, we planned another trip (to my home country this time) which was supposed to be two weeks long but while we were there we were having so much fun that we kept extending it and it ended up being a month long. I saved up hella for this trip because I knew exactly what hotels I wanted to stay at, what places i wanted to go etc and i knew it was gonna be kinda expensive but even then because we stayed much longer it also costed way more than expected. At this point he didn’t even have to tell me he couldn’t afford it, it was just understood that i would be paying since he was still unemployed. But this time he had this new credit card and wanted to increase his credit score so he asked if i could use his cards to book everything and pay HIM back instead, i was like sure whatever. So i booked both our flights on my card and hotels and stuff on his. We had the best time on this trip, felt closer to him than ever so I didn’t mind paying. We decided that I would give him a certain amount in cash (to avoid international transfer fee) and transfer the rest (because countries have a limit on how much cash u can bring without having to report to customs). Once again towards the end of the trip I saw he was still talking to that girl, and it wasn’t just sexual, he called her the same nicknames he called me, he sent her the same reels and stuff on Instagram that he sent me it was like reading his chats with me. I didn’t say anything then, but a couple hours later I asked him if we should see other people too, like keep seeing each other but also see other people (i even said “we both” so he dsnt feel the need to get defensive) and he said no he dsnt want to and he dsnt even want me to. Him lying again when i gave him a chance to end his lie really broke my heart completely (bec at this point he was just lying for the sake of it) but it was just 3 days before we were gonna leave so i decided not to ruin the rest of the trip and end things with him after I paid him back for the credit card (I’d already given him more than half the amount in cash as soon as we met). When we were booking flights to go back he insisted that be take pne with a layover in a third completely put of the way country because it was cheaper and i was like sure, but then he also said because it’s two really long flights he wants to stay in this third country for a couple days bec he wouldn’t be too exhausted and wanted me to pay for the airbnb, I already wasn’t a fan of paying for a whole solo trip for him where I wasn’t going (it was one of my bucket list countries too) so i tried to tell him to just suck it up and take a couple hour layover instead but he wouldn’t listen. AND to make it worse, i saw his phone again (I didn’t even checking his phone or anything even once on this trip, he had the conversation open while he was sitting next to me and i could see) and he was talking to this girl who was around that country and asked her if she would travel there for a couple days to meet him and she agreed at first but once he sent her an airbnb and asked what she thought about it, she left him on seen and never responded even after he offered to pay (im guessing bec initially she just thought he meant they would hang out and when he brought up staying together even she got creeped out). THIS MAN WANTED ME TO PAY FOR HIS INTERNATIONAL TRIP TO MEET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HE TOLD HE WAS PAYING FOR EVERYTHING.
That was my last straw i got so mad and we had a big conversation , highlights: (Note: this is all in a very calm tone, i was holding back tears but no one was being aggressive)
Him: she’s just a friend and I haven’t even ever slept with her or anything PLUS that’s not even happening i’m not going to see her Me: because SHE left you on seen, u were clearly trying in fact ur the one who asked her to begin with Him: sighs & shrugs
Me: what about the girl in (hometown)? Him:
Me: why did u block me after halloween Him: i cnt tell u that Me: is it because u were also lying to K, telling her u were not seeing other people n she found out u were talking to me and to keep her from leaving u blocked me till she calmed down? Him: sighs, leans back and looks away
Me: why is one girl not enough Him: bec I’m not 40 Me: so why do u lie instead of just being honest and saying ur also seeing other people Him: bec i dnt wanna hurt feelings Me: i never asked u for anything u were the one who insisted on being exclusive, u were the one who said u loved me first while u knew the whole time u were lying, u really had no reason to lie? Him: u wouldn’t treat me the same if u knew i was seeing other people Me: i was treating u the exact same before u said all that? When u came to visit me i still paid for everything, u really didn’t have reason to lie Him: sighs
Me: what do u expect me to do now? Him: idk i guess u can see other people too(?)
Me: i didn’t mind paying for u if u were seeing other people n honest about it but dnt want to pay for someone who goes out of their way to lie to me for no reason (i p much never get pissed ab anything as long as it’s honest so there’s really no reason to lie which is why i cnt stand when people lie to me) Him: i understand
Me: did u at least use protection with other people (he told me he was clean and wasn’t seeing other people so i agreed to not using protection since i was on birth control anyway) Him: yes u can get tested if u want (i did and turns out he was lying i came home with a nasty std, I haven’t slept with anyone else in about a year)
After the long conversation we went to sleep and he noticed i was still crying so he hugged me and said “i dnt want u to cry talk to me” so i started saying how idk how to feel or what to do it’s just too much to process that he would do this bec i trusted him so much even when I didn’t want to but he rolled his eyes in the middle of my sentence which ticked me off so i turned away and was like “no dont turn away” to which I said “when im not talking u have an issue, when im talking u have an issue, what do u want?” This was the first time i dropped my calm in from of him and picked up an actually annoyed tone, which seemed to set something off in his head and he just blew up at me like YELLING about how im the one making a big deal out of everything and im the one who keeps turning away and refusing to talk to him etc and then he got up from the bed and punched the wall REALLY hard so i grabbed both his hands and sat him down on the bed and told him to shut up and calm down bec he was gonna get hurt if he keeps punching shit. He already hurt his hand p bad and he just held his hand to his chest and i could tell he was trying to hold in screams bec he was so much in pain. I called room service to bring ice and went downstairs to get him a painkiller. He finally calmed down and fell asleep. The next day he didn’t talk to me for 8 hours, didn’t go out or anything, we just sat there in the hotel room in silence, whenever i tried to bring up anything he just shrugged and continued to not say a word, Finally we both got hungry and went to get dinner after which we got drinks, once we got a little buzzed he started talking to me again and told me he got triggered bec i yelled at him (I didn’t yell but i did get annoyed so i got what he meant) and i apologised.
We were fine for the rest of the day and the next day and the night after that we finally flew back home.
He asked me to transfer him the money for his credit card and i asked him how much it was. The number he gave me was ridiculously higher than the number i had on my spreadsheet (since i made the bookings i even had the receipts) so i showed him saying these were the numbers that I had and he said “no but this is what my card got charged” and he sent me his own spreadsheet that me made (v poorly made no dates or anything, there were even some amounts without descriptions) so i said ok this isn’t helpful, just send me the credit card statement and i’ll see what went wrong in my calculations and he has been making dumb excuses for the last 2 weeks every time i ask him to send the statement like “there’s other payments too on the statement so u might get confused” (as if idk how to read??) or “oh i’ll send it when i open the credit card website next” but he keeps asking me to send him the money like constantly. Another thing that’s weird to me is that he completely disregarded the part where I told him I would only be paying for my half of the trip bec of him lying to me, which I already gave him more than half in cash in the beginning of the trip. Thirdly, not only does he want me to pay full he is also disregarding the money i gave him in cash bec he “spent it on the trip so it didn’t go towards the credit card payment” which I never agreed to give him spending money, that’s supposed to be on him, I brought my own spending money separately so it wasn’t even like he had to pay for both of us.
So basically, he wants me to pay for the whole credit card bill (which he won’t send me the statement for) on top of what i gave him in cash which was more than half of the number HE is giving me (and close to 80% of the number I have) ALL AFTER he lied to me, tried to make me pay for him going to meet another girl in a different country, yelled at me, punched a wall and made ME apologise.
The amount he’s asking for is big and I know he’s unemployed and if that’s the actual number, he definitely can’t pay it. While i can afford it (just barely after everything I already paid for including previous trips, flights for this trip and the money i gave him in cash) i did already tell him I would only be paying for my half (which i already did) and he agreed at the time, and i’m still extremely hurt and angry about all the lies and the drama. If he sent me the credit card statement I would still help him a little bit but he even refuses to do that. He hasn’t talked about anything else except asking me to send him the money for the past few days. I was going to cut him off after I paid him but he’s being kind of not cool about it and it’s not like i just have the money lying around. So would I be the asshole if I just ghosted him with his credit card debt that i know he can’t pay?
Also want to add: i keep mentioning his unemployment bec until February i was helping him improve his resume, prepare for interviews etc (I’m studying HR and recruitment) but after this trip he told me he is not even looking for a job bec if he got a job he “wouldn’t be able to travel as much” which pissed me off more bec im working my ass off to afford all this.

People always tend to see something in other people that isn't there. This is called cognitive bias. In their minds, they associate the horrible situation that happened with the suspect, and with everything the media is saying. A picture of guilt follows. He must be guilty. I mean.. it's already gotten to the point where statements like: "Look at his eyes, pure evil!", "he doesn't even look innocent!" Don't you think that people would also see something in you where they point the finger at you and think you're guilty?
Example courtroom. Bryan is sitting in the courtroom. He is being represented. He is present and listening. What else is he supposed to do? I mean, this isn't a cinema event where he's going through all kinds of emotional rollercoasters. Even if he were in tears, people would point the finger at him and he would be considered guilty. Because he's just acting it.
Everyone has their own body language. You can't always project your expectations/ideas of what you think is right and/or more appropriate onto other people, you can't do that. He's a suspect in a murder case.
I would also like to say something about Bryan's alibi. Do you have an alibi every day, every time? A watertight alibi? If Bryan is innocent, there is a possibility that the alibi is the truth. I mean, he can't be clairvoyant and think to himself: "Oh, a horrible murder is going to happen tonight and if I don't get myself a watertight alibi right now, I'll be suspected and find myself in prison." Even if he had a better alibi, people would still point the finger at him, he would be considered guilty and they say: He was SO clever!
Imagine you like driving through the night/early in the morning. And sometimes you take beautiful pictures. On the day/time when a horrible murder takes place, you are on the road again. And a short time later.. you find yourself in prison and they want to execute you for something you didn't do.
I don't know about you, but I personally can't think of a suitable adjective to describe how sad, frightening and terrible I find it at the same time.

Am I the ahole? It’s a bit long and I will try to be directly to the point.
FYI. I’m 43f and all of these guys are in their 50s. Jim is early 30s. Not children.
My “boss” said (let’s call him Mike) I say that reluctantly because he considers me his best friend and I don’t. It’s a construction company paper management so we don’t do the actual labor it’s all subbed out.
We have 1 big client basically. And on my end the accounting side there system is so screwed up. It’s always a big thing to work out. My contact there, let’s call him Jim. I don’t know personally, we just email. All professional. I’m bubbly on emails “hope you stay dry! Enjoy your weekend”. His boss our liaison( Dick) if you want to call that. Well he’s a drunk, like has come into our office on a Tuesday drunk as a skunk, I know he cheats on his wife, takes bribes. Probably about 10k a year just from us alone. I’m sure from all of his vendors also.
Well anyway, I have spoken to Tom 3 times in the last two years. I looked up my phone records. Always short and cordial, the only reason I call him is when there is a big f up on his end, and I don’t want a paper trail so he doesn’t get in trouble. In the last 4 years they have told Mike that I am a bitch and rude to them. That I know of. The other day Mike told me they said that, oh and I’m not allowed to talk to Jim again.
Back story: Mike left his old company that I worked at in 2020. He started his own business, and I went with him. Now when I say this guy can be drama. He is. I’ve always had his back. Acted for years as his therapist. In the last year. Found out he’s a raging alcoholic he just hid it well. Like taking out a separate cc to hide his booze on spent 3k in Feb on it. November he decided he was gonna go to rehab. Who had to help organize that? Me And keep the business running while he was gone. Me. Leaves two weeks later. Goes back to drinking. He cheats on his wife, she finds out. 3 months of hell with him being a drunk his kids hating him his wife leaving him. Bought a Tesla crashed it within a week. DUIs. All sorts of crap. At this point I stay to make sure the wife has money so she can feed his kids. Like I even helped his son write college essays. That’s how well I know these people.
My point is, I have always had his back and gone above and beyond to help him. I asked him, well did you stand up for me? What did you say when they told you that? He said nothing, 1 because he didn’t want to. 2 they are his clients. 3 this is construction. I ripped him a new one. I Basically said if I don’t have an apology from Eric by 5pm on Monday I quit.
He keeps crying that I can’t leave him and he will lose the business if he does. And I said well maybe you should have thought of that before you let people talk bs about me.
Some points, I’m semi retired. I work because I like working. I don’t need the money. I value self respect. And I made sure he knew that.
Am I blowing this out of proportion?
AITAH?

People always tend to see something in other people that isn't there. This is called cognitive bias. In their minds, they associate the horrible situation that happened with the suspect, and with everything the media is saying. A picture of guilt follows. He must be guilty. I mean.. it's already gotten to the point where statements like: "Look at his eyes, pure evil!", "he doesn't even look innocent!" Don't you think that people would also see something in you where they point the finger at you and think you're guilty?
Example courtroom. Bryan is sitting in the courtroom. He is being represented. He is present and listening. What else is he supposed to do? I mean, this isn't a cinema event where he's going through all kinds of emotional rollercoasters. Even if he were in tears, people would point the finger at him and he would be considered guilty. Because he's just acting it.
Everyone has their own body language. You can't always project your expectations/ideas of what you think is right and/or more appropriate onto other people, you can't do that. He's a suspect in a murder case.
I would also like to say something about Bryan's alibi. Do you have an alibi every day, every time? A watertight alibi? If Bryan is innocent, there is a possibility that the alibi is the truth. I mean, he can't be clairvoyant and think to himself: "Oh, a horrible murder is going to happen tonight and if I don't get myself a watertight alibi right now, I'll be suspected and find myself in prison." Even if he had a better alibi, people would still point the finger at him, he would be considered guilty and they say: He was SO clever!
Imagine you like driving through the night/early in the morning. And sometimes you take beautiful pictures. On the day/time when a horrible murder takes place, you are on the road again. And a short time later.. you find yourself in prison and they want to execute you for something you didn't do.
I don't know about you, but I personally can't think of a suitable adjective to describe how sad, frightening and terrible I find it at the same time.