I've seen a number of questions about how much live-in caregivers are supposed to earn on average, and complaints that folks don't make enough.... I decided to give my own situation as an example. Sorry this is long.
I'm a live in caregiver for an elderly couple in their 80s, and have been living here for over 10 years. She is a cancer survivor and only semi-mobile, he has stage 4 gastric cancer but is still mobile. At present I do not need to dress them or assist them in anything more personall than nail trimming and hair-cutting (both of which I totally suck at, but as they refuse to leave home for a salon appointment, they have no choice but to accept my sub-par styling.) As they get older, they will of course need more personal care, and I worry constantly about what extra effort that may take.
I am a female in my late 50s with no other income or housing, and no children of my own. I get room and board and storage space for my own car & belongings. I get all the food I can eat, but I have to do all the shopping & cooking myself - plus I have to make only what they like and rarely what I want to eat. I am responsible for all medicatiosn and transportation to doctors appointments, including, at last count, 57 rounds of chemo. Plus tasks around the house.
They pay my health insurance and a small stipend they believe is overly ample for all my needs - it comes to $1200 a month which goes entirely to my own insurance, my always maxed credit card bills ,,and my late night luxury of steaming services and internet games. I run short constantly and have to sell items or do a bit of robbing Peter to pay Pau every month I just don't have time to investigate more lucrative side-hustles, but money is a constant concern.
I have never had a vacation or even a whole day off in these 10 years. If I go more than 20 minutes away, or stay out running errands for more than a couple hours I receive a litany of panicked phone calls and have to rush back. I tend to refer to my position as one of "house-arrest." Occasionally my best friend kidnaps me on her own day off, and we go to an afternoon movie and lunch, but I have to return by 5pm to make dinner.
I'm exhausted, and highly stressed as all of my life takes a backseat to their needs. I have ADHD, and the struggle to keep their lives running smoothly takes all my focus and all my spoons - as a result my personal life and living space is in chaotic shambles and I have developed stress-related health problems.
And as you may have guessed - they are my parents. Part of the time I feel blessed for getting to spend all this extra time with them. I know my father would have died years ago without my personal attention to his care. I strive to create the best quality of life for them because I love them.
Part of the time I resent the constant list of home/care tasks, and the controlling behavior that makes me feel like a prisoner in my own house (excuse me - my parents' home - Mom is persnickety about reminding me that the house isn't mine.) I wish I could just get away and do something fun on my own - but I have no extra time or money to do that. I find myself longing for the day when they have both passed and I can break free and not be always available. Then I feel guilty for that longing.
Part of me wants them to live as long as possible - but selfishly. because I don't know what will happen to me when they are both gone. I will only inherit a potion of the final sale of the house, and will not have the means to get my own place. I try not to think about it, and avoiding the subject eats away at me. It hurts me that my parents have stated in their will the house be sold "as is" immediately after both are gone, despite my having no where to go and feeling that my inevitable eviction from the only home I have is some sort of punishment for not living up to their expectations. I wonder if they have any comprehension of how desperate the housing crisis is and the sheer overload of stress it will cause me to try to navigate to a place I can call home when I will myself be elderly at that time..
I have no real questions nor do I desire your criticism or sympathy. It's just that everyone has a different story and this is mine - and we are all part of this bizarre club.Maybe I just needed to vent! And maybe my situation and "income" will make someone feel suddenly better about their own story.

So , I’ve recently gone to college and I had the best time my first year . However, going into my second year, my sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia . (She’s 3 years older than me) and at the time I was 18 , she was 21. She was in college but had to return home with my parents. During my first year, I was excited as any freshman going away from home would be . However ,I’d call home frequently (daily) but I was enjoying school and didn’t want to come home , yet. My mother would occasionally call and guilt trip me by saying things like “ I don’t have to avoid coming home for a visit, “ and I would feel bad because I felt like my sister was there. I got a job for the summer at a prison and it was the best paying job I’d ever had for a broke college student . However my mother , days before the interview my mother called and said she’d have my car towed if I went to the interview because a prison was unsafe for a female and something could happen. While it was true and I was taking precautions this isn’t the only event . When I’m at home , my door can be locked and she’ll take a hanger and come in (the bathroom) , she’s also been my only friend for years but I want to hang out with kids my own age . I missed out on that because she was so strict on me growing up . I was only allowed to hang out with my sister and her group of friends . Even now everywhere I go, she’ll ask me did I ask my sister to go. Sometimes I enjoy my alone time and when I try to make friends outside of my family she always tells me all the bad things that could happen and that family is always better than friendship. Don’t get me wrong I hate that my sister has schizophrenia and she was very different before it took over her life but since, she’s become mean and always says hurtful things to me and she doesn’t want to go anywhere besides the house or riding around. She is able to get a job and keep it and she is in the same college as me but she had to come back home because she got off her meds . My dad is always neutral about whatever the situation is, (they’re married) . I just feel like I’m trapped and I’m not leaving my sister I just need to get my own life , and sometimes I get angry when I see friend groups hanging out or in the mall because I wish I could have at least one friend outside of my family. Hanging out with my sister was okay but I’m about to be twenty and i feel stuck at 17

So a common thing Israel does as propaganda is show female IDF members as a form to show how progressive they are. Meanwhile you have actual cases where Palestinians are being raped in prison by Israeli officials and videos of IDF members showing women's clothing to brag about the women they killed. It's sad truly it is. The prophet condemned the killing of women and children.
Sahih Muslim 1744 b It is narrated by Ibn 'Umar that a woman was found killed in one of these battles; so the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) forbade the killing of women and children.
I know Israel references Amalek to justify the killing of everyone including the animals. Which you got to think there are obviously lots of cats in Palestine so what is it with cat lovers who can support such actions.
People say Islam is violent but Islam has rules of war long before the concept of war crimes existed. It's the Israelis that are barbaric not the Muslims. We are saying don't kill women and children and we get called antisemitic.
Where are women's rights activists who are supporting Palestine? Where are the cat lovers? It's truly sad if you really consider what is going on. Israel doesn't have a right to exist it's as simple as that. The only reason it's able to get away with these things is the US has unconditional support for Israel. The US sends billions of dollars to Israel and that right there I think proves we don't have a billion people in our county but we're sending billions to a foreign country. Really it proves we could theoretically implement universal basic income espically when consider people below 18 we really could solve lots of our own issues if we stopped giving money to Israel and put the US first instead of Israel first.

This is the second half of my list for Florida's execution roster. As stated in the first part, I split it into two halves in order to follow reddit's character count limitations. Link to part 1.
The currently 105 executed offenders, cases 53 to 105:
53. Aileen Wuornos (~1974-2002, lethal injection): Wuornos murdered 7 men between the ages of 47-65. She was a street prostitute that enticed her victims with promises of sexual favors. After a victim was entrapped, Wuornos shot them dead, and robbed them of their money and their vehicles. Although Wuornos initially claimed that she killed the victims in self defense, she later admitted that they were murdered for their valuables. Her criminal history was extensive, and she had several convictions for armed robbery, assault, DUIs, reckless discharge of firearms, and disorderly conduct. She was also accused of domestic violence by an ex husband, and he placed a restraining order on her within weeks of their marriage.
54. Linroy Bottoson (~1971-2002, lethal injection): In a robbery of a post office, Bottoson stole $14,000 in money orders and $100 in cash, and abducted the post mistress, 74 year old Catherine Alexander. After holding her captive for 3 days, Bottoson stabbed Alexander 16 times, and ran her over with his car. He had several robberies on his criminal record.
55. Amos King Jr. (~1972-2002, lethal injection): After he escaped from a minimum security prison, King broke into the home of 68 year old Natalie Brady and assaulted her. She was raped, stabbed, and savagely beaten in the attack. King then set her house on fire, and returned back to the prison. At his arrival, the prison counselor confronted him about his absence and bloodied clothing. He was stabbed 25 times by King, but managed to survive his injuries. Despite her injuries, Brady managed to crawl out of her burning home, but succumbed to blood loss shortly before help could arrive. King had a previous conviction for robbery.
56. Newton Slawson (1989-2003, lethal injection): Slawson went over to the home of the Wood family (consisting of parents, 23 year old Gerald and 21 year old Peggy, and their children, 4 year old Jennifer and 3 year old Glendon) to buy some cocaine. During an argument over the transaction, Slawson shot and killed Gerald, Jennifer, and Glendon, and wounded Peggy. Slawson then stabbed Peggy (who was 8 months pregnant) with such force that he tore her unborn child out of her womb.
57. Paul Hill (1994-2003, lethal injection): During an attack on an abortion clinic, Hill shot and killed John Britton, a 69 year old abortionist, and his bodyguard, 74 year old James Barrett. Britton’s wife, 68 year old June, was also wounded in the shooting. Hill was a hardline pro life activist and Christian fundamentalist, and saw ending abortion by any means necessary as his personal divine mission.
58. Johnny Robinson (~1980s-2004, lethal injection): Robinson and his teenage accomplice picked up 31 year old Beverly St. George when they found her broken down on the side of the road. They then raped St. George and shot her to death. He tried to claim that they had consensual relations and St. George was hit by an accidental discharge during intercourse. If Robinson's "recollection" was to be believed, he then shot her again to cover up an "accidental" shooting of a white woman. The courts weren't convinced by the defense, and the accomplice admitted that the murder was entirely deliberate and calculated from the beginning. Robinson had several rape convictions and accusations before St. George's murder.
59. John Blackwelder (~1970s-2004, lethal injection): While incarcerated for molesting a 10 year old boy, Blackwelder tied up his cellmate, 39 year old Raymond Wigley, under the alleged pretenses of a bondage session and strangled him to death with makeshift rope. According to Blackwelder, Wigley had been sexually harassing him, and he wanted to put a permeant end to the unwanted advances. Blackwelder had several sexual assault convictions dating back to the 1970s, and was also previously convicted for threatening former vice president Dan Quayle. His victim was the accomplice of another executed offender, John Marek, and was serving a life sentence for assisting him in the torture murder of a woman [for more details on Marek and Wigley's crimes, please see section 68] at the time of his own death.
60. Glen Ocha (1999-2005, lethal injection): Ocha picked up 28 year old Carol Skjerva from a bar and they had sex in his home. However, Skjerva allegedly made mocking remarks towards his genitals and threatened to tell her fiance of their encounter. In a drunken rage and under the influence of ecstasy, Ocha hung her with rope from his kitchen door.
61. Clarence Hill (1982-2006, lethal injection): During an attempted bank robbery with an accomplice, Hill engaged in a shootout with the responding policemen. One of the officers, 26 year old Stephen Taylor, was killed and another was wounded.
62. Arthur Rutherford (1985-2006, lethal injection): Rutherford was hired by a widow, 63 year old Stella Salamon, to do odd jobs around her home. He then drowned Salamon in her bathtub and tried to cash in a check of $2,000 from her account. Salamon's nude body was found with a broken arm, bruising all across her face, and three head wounds.
63. Danny Rolling (~1960s-2006, lethal injection): Rolling murdered a total of 8 people between the ages of 8-55. In 1989, Rolling stabbed 55 year old William Grissom, William’s 24 year old daughter Julie, and his 8 year old grandson Sean to death in their home. Julie’s body was ritualistically mutilated and posed during the attack. A year later, he shot his estranged father, 59 year old James. Although James survived, he was left permanently blind. Rolling then burglarized several student dorms in a week long rampage. Five students, 23 year old Tracy Paules, 23 year old Manuel Taboda, 18 year old Sonja Larson, 17 year old Christa Hoyt, and 17 year old Christina Powell, were bound, raped, and stabbed to death. Only Taboada was spared from any sexual abuse. As with Julia Grissom, Rolling posed the female victims into provocative positions and mutilated their bodies. Roiling decapitated Hoyt and placed her head on a cabinet shelf for the sole purpose of shocking witnesses stumbling across the scene. He had a long history of robberies, assaults, and voyeurism, and some of his earliest convictions occurred when he was a teenager.
64. Ángel Díaz (~1960s-2006, lethal injection): In his native Puerto Rico, Díaz stabbed an unidentified man, who was a director of a local drug rehabilitation center, 19 times while the victim was asleep. Díaz was sentenced for second degree murder, but he escaped after beating a guard near death, and fled to Florida. During his stay in Florida, Díaz and his accomplices robbed a strip club at gunpoint, and shot and killed the manager, 49 year old Joseph Nagy. After Nagy’s murder, he and his accomplices relocated themselves to Connecticut. However, they were arrested for a possession of illegal firearms charge. Díaz and 3 other inmates briefly managed to escape by beating up a guard and threatening another at knifepoint, but were quickly recaptured. After a cellmate testified that Díaz confessed to Nagy’s murder, he was deported back to Florida and sentenced to death. His execution sparked controversy, as it took him 34 minutes to succumb to the lethal drugs. Díaz’s other criminal convictions include shooting and injuring an officer during an armed robbery and several drug possession charges. Authorities also suspected him of being involved with several Puerto Rican nationalist insurgent groups.
65. Mark Schwab (1987-2008, lethal injection): Schwab lured 11 year old Junny Rios-Martinez into a motel room by posing as a photographer for a surfing magazine. He bound Rios-Martinez, anally penetrated him, and smothered the boy to death with a pillow. Schwab also had a conviction for the sexual battery of a 13 year old boy, and he was released after serving 3 out of an 8 year prison sentence months before Rios-Martinez's murder.
66. Richard Henyard (1993-2008, lethal injection): Henyard and his teenage accomplice carjacked 35 year old Dorothy Lewis, and her two daughters, 7 year old Jamilya and 3 year old Jasmine. The pair raped Dorothy, and shot and killed both of her daughters. Dorothy was also shot in the head, but was able to survive. Dorothy recounted that she tried praying for her and her children's safety, and Henyard taunted her by mockingly claiming to be Satan himself.
67. Wayne Tompkins (~1980s-2008, lethal injection): While helping his girlfriend move from their home, Tompkins made sexual advances on her 15 year old daughter, Lisa DeCarr. When she rejected him, Tompkins raped and strangeld her to death with a bathrobe, and tried to report DeCarr as a runaway. Tompkins also had several sexual assault convictions and accusations prior to the murder. One incident involved him abducting and abusing a gas station clerk.
68. John Marek (~1980s-2008, lethal injection): Marek and his accomplice, Raymond Wigley, picked up 47 year old Adela Simmons. They forced Simmons to perform oral sex on them, burned her fingers and pubic hairs, and strangled her to death with a bandana. The pair then dumped her body near a beach. Marek was sentenced to death for Simmons' murder, while Wigley was given a life sentence. While in prison, Wigley himself was strangled to death by the above mentioned John Blackwelder.
69. Martin Grossman (1984-2010, lethal injection): Grossman was given probation after a spree involving the burglary of an ex girlfriend's home and stealing cars. While out shooting a stolen handgun with a friend, they were confronted by Margaret Park, a 26 year old wildlife ranger. Wanting to avoid being arrested and put back into prison for violating his parole, Grossman and his friend attacked Park with a flashlight. They wrestled her service pistol away from her and shot and killed Park with it. Due to Grossman being Jewish, his death sentence outraged several Jewish organizations across the globe, and they petitioned ceaselessly for his clemency.
70. Manuel Valle (1978-2011, lethal injection): While driving a stolen car, Valle was pulled over by Louis Pena, a 41 year old police officer, for a traffic violation. In the confrontation, Valle shot Pena and his partner. Although Pena was killed in the shooting, his partner's life was saved by a bullet proof vest.
71. Oba Chandler (~1960s-2011, lethal injection): Chandler enticed a woman, 36 year old Joan Rogers, and her two daughters, 17 year old Michelle and 14 year old Christe, with the promise of a boat ride. On board, he bound the family with rope and raped all three of them. Chandler then tied concrete blocks around Joan and her daughters' necks and tossed them into the ocean to drown. He also raped and strangled 20 year old Ivelisse Berrios–Beguerisse after abducting her from a mall, and was linked to the murder by a 2014 DNA test 3 years after his execution. Chandler was an inveterate sexual predator with a very long criminal history, and was first arrested for car theft in his early teens. Many of his other crimes include several convictions of armed robbery, burglary, rape, counterfeiting, and kidnapping. In one incident, he broke into a couple’s house, and sexually assaulted the wife in front of her husband. One surviving victim, a 24 year old Canadian tourist, helped investigators tie Chandler to the Rogers’ murders with her reports.
72. Robert Waterhouse (~1966-2012, lethal injection): In 1966, Waterhouse snuck into the home of 77 year old Ella Carter, and raped and strangled her to death. He was paroled after serving 8 years of a life sentence. A few years later, Waterhouse picked up 29 year old Deborah Kammerer from a bar and assaulted her on a nearby beach. He stabbed and violated Kammerer with a broken bottle, shoved a tampon down her throat, and drowned her in the ocean waters.
73. David Gore (1981-2012, lethal injection): Gore and his cousin abducted and murdered 4 teenage girls (17 year old Ying Hua Ling, 17 year old Lynn Eilliot, 14 year old Angelica LaVallee, 14 year old Barbara Byer) and 2 grown women (48 year old Hsiang Huang Ling and 35 year old Judith Daley). The victims were kidnapped through force, picked up while hitchhiking, or tricked into thinking that Gore was a police officer detaining them. They were then tied up, raped, and shot or strangled to death. The cousins dismembered the bodies in their attempts to destroy them and buried the scattered remains in shallow graves. Two of their victims, Ying Hua Ling and Hsiang Huang Ling, were a mother and daughter pair of Taiwanese immigrants, and the cousins murdered them together. A 7th victim, 14 year old friend of Eilliot, was also abducted and sodomized, but she managed to escape with Eilliot's help.
74. Manuel Pardo Jr. (1986-2012, lethal injection): Pardo was a corrupt cop heavily involved in the drug trade. After his department fired him for his abuse of power and suspected tampering of investigations, Pardo went on a crime spree. He shot and killed at least 9 men and women in robberies and interpersonal disputes. The victims he murdered in robberies were 39 year old Ulpiano Ledo, 37 year old Luis Robledo, 33 year old Mario Amador, and 28 year old Roberto Alons. In every robbery incident, he stole the victims’ credit cards. Pardo killed 28 year old Fara Quintero in an argument over a ring he pawned to her and 30 year old Sara Musa for refusing his demands of buying him a VCR set with a credit card stolen from one of his previous robberies. Another victim, Michael Millot, a 38 year old Haitian refugee that took up work as a gunsmith, was slain out of Pardo’s fears of him being a police informant. His last murders were 40 year old Ramon Alvero, a drug dealer that he work for, and Alvaro’s girlfriend, 38 year old Daisy Ricard. Pardo turned on the couple after Alvaro stiffed him of a meeting. He shot Alvaro dead, but Padro’s gun jammed when he tried to shoot Ricard as well. As he was beating Ricard to death with his gun, it discharged and hit Pardo’s foot. On death row, Pardo tried to fashion himself as a vigilante trying to rid Florida of all drug related crimes.
75. Larry Mann (~1970s-2012, lethal injection): Mann ambushed 10 year old Elisa Nelson while she was biking from school to a dentist appointment. He raped Nelson and beat her to death with a pipe. Authorities also initially suspected Mann in the murders of several girls in the area, such as 16 year old Janie Sanders and 13 year old Rose Levandoski, but the current thinking is that another (still unknown) predator was likely responsible. Although he had convictions against adult women, Mann was a pedophile with a history of mostly preying on young girls.
76. Elmer Carroll (~1972-2012, lethal injection): Carroll broke into the room of 10 year old Christine McGowan. He raped and strangled the girl to death, tucked the body underneath the bedsheets, and stole her stepfather's construction truck. McGowan's body discovered was by her stepfather when he came to check on her. At the time of the murder, Carroll had two separate convictions (including one against his then 5 year old niece) for child molestation and was first accused of rape at the age of 16.
77. William Van (~1971-2013, lethal injection): Poyck Van Poyck and another man, Frank Valdez, ambushed a prison van that their incarcerated friend was being transported in with the intent of freeing him. The pair shot and killed a guard, 40 year old Fred Griffis and wounded another. Despite overtaking the van, they were forced to retreat without their friend with the arrival of police reinforcements. Both were captured after a brief shootout with the police and were given death sentences for Griffis’ murder. The case sparked controversy when Valdez was beaten to death by other prison guards in his cell. The officers involved were all fired but acquitted for murder in their trials. Van Poyck had several convictions of armed robbery on his record.
78. John Ferguson (~1960s-2013, lethal injection): Ferguson was the mastermind of the Carol City massacre that his above mentioned accomplices, Marvin Francois and Beauford White, participated in. He also committed a series of murders on his own. Two of his other victims, 17 year old Brian Glenfeldt and 17 year old Belinda Worley, were a couple that were ambushed in the parking lot of an ice cream shop. Ferguson raped Worley, shot her and Glenfeldt dead, and ran off with her jewelry and Glenfeldt’s wallet. Another couple, 82 year old Katherine and 75 year old Raymond Perry, were assaulted by Ferguson in their motel room, robbed, and shot dead execution style. Authorities also believe that Ferguson was responsible for the murders of James Ward, a 40 year old runaway from a mental institution, and Joseph Walters (age unknown), but was never convicted of them in court. Ferguson had a troubled upbringing, was stealing cars at the age of 13, and convicted for the attempted murder of an officer. Due to allegations of him being a schizophrenic, his execution was delayed numerous times, which is why he was put to death decades after his accomplices.
79. Marshall Gore (1988-2013, lethal injection): Gore abducted and murdered two women, 30 year old Robyn Novick and 19 year old Susan Roark. Both women were last seen in his company, and they were raped, beaten, and stabbed to death. He also carjacked 32 year old Tina Coralis while she was driving with her 2 year old son Jimmy. Gore raped Tina, beat her with a rock, slit her throat, dumped her on the side of the road, and drove off with her car while Jimmy was still in it. Tina survived the attack and notified the police about her kidnapped son and stolen car. The police were able to rescue Jimmy unharmed and capture Gore without incident.
80. William Happ (~1980s-2013, lethal injection): Happ dragged 21 year old Angela Crowley out of her own car window in a convenience store parking lot. He anally raped and strangled Crowley to death with her pants. A corner's report mentioned that Crowley received over 20 blows to her head during the assault. Happ had several convictions of armed robbery, one of which pertained to an abduction incident.
81. Darius Kimbrough (1991-2013, lethal injection): Kimbrough climbed into the apartment window of 28 year old Denise Collin with the help of a ladder. He raped and repeatedly slammed her head against the wall. She was found bloodied and nude by the paramedics called to the scene. Collin died of her injuries in the hospital a day after the attack. Her murder went unsolved until samples of Kimbrough’s DNA were collected from another one of his rapes. With the presence of additional pubic hairs found in Collin’s room, at least two other men were also certainly involved, but they remain at large to this day.
82. Thomas Knight (~1960s-2013, lethal injection): Knight began his string of murders by abducting his former employer, 64 year old Sydney Gans, and Sydney's wife, 60 year old Lillian. After her forced them to withdraw $50,000 from their bank accounts, Knight shot the Gans' dead. He was apprehended and, but he managed to escape from jail while awaiting trial. While on the run, Knight gunned down a clerk, 54 year old William Culpepper, while holding up a liquor store, and $640 from the cash register. A month later, Knight was recaptured following an armed standoff with police, and sentenced to death for the Gan killings. On death row, he stabbed a correctional officer, 48 year old Richard Burke, to death with a sharpened spoon over the prison allegedly barring him from seeing his mother. Knight had numerous theft and burglary convictions that date back to when he was 9 years old.
83. Juan Chavez (1995-2014, lethal injection): Chavez accosted 9 year old Jimmy Ryce when the boy was dropped off at a stop by a school bus, and abducted him at gunpoint. He took Ryce to a trailer on his employers' property and raped him. When Ryce tried to signal a passing helicopter for help, Chavez shot him in the back of the head, and muffled his cries as he died. The body was then decapitated and dismembered, and Chavez buried the remains near his trailer.
84. Paul Howell (~1990s-2014, lethal injection): Howell was part of a drug smuggling gang. One of the members had a falling out with the ring and made an agreement with law enforcement to testify against them. Howell constructed a microwave bomb to assassinate the witness in her home, and he assigned an associate to carry out the hit. As he was transporting the bomb to its intended destination, the associate was pulled over and detained by deputies. While being processed, the bomb detonated prematurely, and killed a deputy, 35 year old James Fulford, Jr.
85. Robert Henry (1987-2014, lethal injection): As part of his plan to assault the gas station that he worked at, Henry tricked his co workers, 53 year old Phyllis Harris and 35 year old Janet Thermidor, into thinking that a robber was holding him hostage. He duped the women into allowing themselves to be tied up and gagged, as Henry claimed to them that the fictitious "robber" was forcing him to do it. Both women were beaten with hammers as Henry ransacked the station’s store. After he stole a total of $1,269 from the register, he poured gasoline all over the building, and set it on fire. Thermidor and Harris were burned alive in the blaze and died of their injures, but Thermidor survived long enough to identify Henry as the assailant.
86. Robert Hendrix (1990-2014, lethal injection): To prevent his cousin, 25 year old Elmer Scott Jr., from testifying against him in a then upcoming burglary trail, Hendrix broke into the home that he shared with his wife, 18 year old Susan, with an accomplice. He shot Susan and Elmer, beat them with the butt of his rifle, and slashed their throats. In the case that he was about to be tried for, Elmer and Hendrix burglarized a home together, and Elmer agreed to testify against him in exchange for a reduced sentence.
87. John Henry (~1975-2014, lethal injection): In 1975, Henry got into an argument with his first wife, 28 year old Patricia Roddy, while they were driving with her daughters. Henry pulled over and stabbed Patricia to death in front of her children. After he plead guilty, Henry was given a 15 year sentence for second degree murder, and was released in 1983 after serving 8. Shortly after his release, he married 28 year old Suzanne Overstreet. As what happened with his first wife, he fatally stabbed Suzanne during an argument in 1985. He then took his stepson, 4 year old Eugene Christian, to a chicken farm and stabbed him to death as well. Henry also had several convictions for the possession of drugs and illegal firearms.
88. Eddie Davis (~1980s-2014, lethal injection): Davis kidnapped his ex girlfriend's daughter, 11 year Kimberly Waters, from her home and gagged her with a rag. He took the girl to a trailer that he used to live in, and raped and strangled her to death. His criminal activity before the murder included several arrests for burglary and autotheft.
89. Chadwick Banks (1992-2014, lethal injection): Banks shot his wife, 30 year old Cassandra, in the head while she was sleeping on their couch. He then crept into the room of his stepdaughter, 10 year old Melody Cooper, and sexually assaulted her. Melody was also shot dead during the abuse.
90. Johnny Kormondy (~1989-2014, lethal injection): Kormondy and his two accomplices invaded a house that Gary McAdams, a 38 year old banker, shared with his wife, 38 year old Cecilia. The couple were ambushed after they returned home from a high school reunion. Gary was shot and killed by Kormondy, while Cecilia was forced to orally copulate the other intruders. Several items were stolen in the robbery, but my sources didn’t disclose any specifics. Kormondy had several previous convictions of robberies and auto thefts, and the earliest occurred when he was 14.
91. Jerry Correll (1985-2015, lethal injection): Correll shot and killed his ex wife, 25 year old Susan, their daughter, 5 year old Tuesday, Susan's sister, 29 year old Marybeth Jones, and their mother, 58 year old Mary Lou Hines. All four victims were murdered in a home they shared together.
92. Oscar Bolin (~1977-2015, lethal injection): Bolin was sentenced to death for the abductions and murders of 26 year old Teri Matthews, 25 year old Natalie Holley, and 17 year old Stephanie Collins. All 3 victims were kidnapped while they were getting off from work, raped, and killed in beating and stabbing attacks. He raped and strangled a fourth victim, 30 year old Deborah Stowe, to death in Texas, but wasn't charged due to already facing the death penalty in Florida. Bolin also took part in the non fatal abduction and gang rape of a waitress in Ohio, was charged for kidnapping his girlfriend (which were later dropped by the courts), and had several theft convictions that started when he was 15.
93. Mark Asay (1987-2017, lethal injection): Asay shot and killed a black man, 34 year old Robert Booker, during a racially charged fight that he picked at a bar. After Booker's murder, Asay, his brother, and their friend went cruising for prostitutes. They encountered a cross dressing sex worker, 26 year old Robert McDowell, they were acquainted with and picked him up. McDowell was also shot dead by Asay when they got into an argument over payment for an oral sex act.
94. Michael Lambrix (1983-2017, lethal injection): While intoxicated, Lambrix beat one of his friends, 35 year old Clarence Moore, to death with a tire iron, and fatally strangled another friend, 19 year old Aleisha Bryant, with a t-shirt in their trailer. He was previously arrested for welfare fraud and was detained for an unspecified "unrelated charge" during the murder investigation.
95. Patrick Hannon (1991-2017, lethal injection): 27 year old Brandon Snider vandalized the bedroom of his ex girlfriend while she was away on vacation. The ex girlfriend's brother was friends with Hannon, and he convinced him to launch a revenge attack on Snider with the help of another friend. They broke into Snider's apartment, stabbed him, and slit his throat. Snider's roommate, 28 year old Robert Carter, witnessed the murder, and tried hiding underneath his bed. Hannon dragged Carter out and shot him to death.
96. Eric Branch (1991-2018, lethal injection): In 1993, Branch abducted and carjacked 21 year old Susan Morris. He raped, beat, and strangled her to death, and then buried Morris' body in a shallow grave near a nature trail. Branch used Morris' car to flee back to his native Indiana, but was captured for a traffic violation. A registered sex offender, Branch had previous convictions for sexually abusing a 14 year old girl, and raped an unidentified woman 10 days before Morris' murder.
97. José Jiménez (~1990-2018, lethal injection): Jiménez fatally strangled Marie Debas, a 32 year old French woman who was allegedly in a relationship with a Medellin cartel drug runner, during a burglary of her apartment. Two years later, he burglarized the home of 63 year old Phyllis Minas, and stabbed her to death.
98. Bobby Long (~1990-2018, lethal injection): As the “Classified Ad Rapist”, Long raped over 50 women. He was given that epithet due to contacting and luring his victims through classified ads. After one of his victims sought charges that initially convicted him (though were later dropped on appeals), Long’s pattern of sexual violence escalated to murder. Long murdered at least 10 women and teenage girls between the ages of 18-28 and non fatally assaulted a 33 year old woman, Linda Nuttall, and a 17 year old girl, Lisa McVey. The victims were picked up through hitchhiking, forcibly grabbed while walking alone on streets, or were prostitutes lured with promises of payment for sexual favors. Long’s sparing of his last victim, McVey, provided to be his downfall, as it was her meticulously detailed reports that led law enforcement to him.
99. Gary Bowles (~1970s-2019, lethal injection): Bowles lured 6 men, 72 year old Milton Bradley, 59 year old John Roberts, 47 year old Walter Hinton, 47 year old Alverson, 39 year old David Jarman, and 38 year old Albert Morris by prostituting himself to them. Once a victim was enticed, Bowles strangled them, and stole their credit cards. He also had several convictions for armed robbery, hospitalized his stepfather in his early teens, and served a 6 year prison sentence for sexually assaulting his girlfriend.
100. Donald Dillbeck (~1979-2023, lethal injection): In 1979, Dillbeck stole a car, and was pulled over by a deputy, 31 year old Dwight Hall. After a prolonged chase and scuffle, Dillbeck shot and killed Hall with his own gun. He was then given a life sentence for Hall's murder. Dillbeck escaped from prison in 1990, and stabbed 44 year old Robbie Vann to death while trying to seize her car. The pursuing officers recaptured him shortly after the killing, and he was sentenced to death for Vann's murder.
101. Louis Gaskin (~1986-2023, lethal injection): Gaskin started his burglary spree by breaking into the home of couple, 56 year old Robert and 55 year old Georgette Sturmfels. He shot them both dead, and stole their lamp, VCR set, and some jewelry and money. His second target was a house owned by 38 year old Joseph Rector and his wife Mary (age unknown). Although Gaskin shot Joseph, the couple both managed to escape him with their lives. Due to him wearing a ninja costume as a disguise during the robberies, he was dubbed as the "Ninja Killer" by media outlets. Gaskin also had a few robbery convictions at the time of the murders.
102. Darryl Barwick (1983-2023, lethal injection): Barwick stalked 24 year old Rebecca Wendt as she was sunbathing in a pool, followed her to her apartment, and forced himself inside to rob it. He stabbed Wendt 37 times and raped her. At the age of 16, Barwick had committed a similar act of rape and burglary against an unidentified woman, and was released from prison 3 months before Wendt's murder.
103. Duane Owen (1984-2023, lethal injection): Owen raped 14 year old Karen Slattery while burglarizing a home she was babysitting at, and stabbed her to death. A few months later, Owen burglarized another home owned by 38 year old Georgianna Worden. She was sexually assaulted and fatally beaten with a hammer. He was captured while breaking into another house on the same day, and confessed to Worden and Slattery's murders
104. James Barnes (~1988-2023, lethal injection): In 1988, Barnes invaded the home of 41 year old Patricia Miller, and tied her up with her own shoelaces. She was sexually assaulted, beaten to death with a hammer, and Barnes set her bed on fire to destroy any evidence of the crime. 9 years later, Barnes strangled his estranged wife, 44 year old Linda, to death in her home, and stuffed the body into a closet. He stayed in the house until he was arrested by police officers. Barnes also admitted to the shooting deaths of Chester Wetmore, a 14 year old runaway, and Brenda Fletcher, a 50 year old prostitute, but was never charged for their killings. According to Barnes, he killed both victims for stealing from him.
105. Michael Zack III (1996-2023, lethal injection): Zack befriended two women, 40 year old Laura Rosillo and 31 year old Ravonne Smith, while hanging out at bars. He lured Rosillo to the beach with the promise of drugs, and assaulted her with a tire iron. Rosillo was raped, strangled to death, and he buried her body in a sand dune. A day later, he tricked Smith into letting him inside her house. She was smashed in the head with a glass bottle, raped, and stabbed to death. Zack then fled with her car, television set, VCR, and her purse. On a different note, when he was a child, Zack’s older sister dismembered their mother with an ax over an argument regarding the sister’s boyfriend. He used that story to gain the sympathy of his victims. His sister (who was simply institutionalized rather then incarcerated for the murder) also testified about their stepfather’s alleged abuse of them at his trial, though the prosecutors debunked most of her stories.

Here is my list of Florida's post Furman execution roster that I wrote for my personal death penalty project. To be clear, the dates given here are a loose timeframe of an offender's first known criminal activities (including misdemeanors and delinquent activities) to their executions, and not at all their years on death row. In a large number of death penalty cases, the offenders were committing high level felonies, even other murders in extreme cases like Ted Bundy, well before the murders that condemned them. I wanted to encapsulate the earlier known or suspected offenses in order to express the scope and scale of their crimes.
As a warning, due how the death penalty is utilized in the United States, many of the surveyed crimes are extremely graphic by nature. Please read at your own risk. On a different note, Florida is the last currently completed list. I'm still working on Texas, and as of now finished 484 entries out of the state's 587 cases to date.
As with my lists for Missouri, Virginia, and Oklahoma, reddit's character limitations forced me to split Florida's roster into two parts. Here is the link to part 2.
The currently 105 executed offenders, cases 1 to 52:
1. John Spenkelink (~1972-1979, electric chair): While on the run after escaping from a Californian prison, Spenkelink picked up 45 year old Joseph Szymankiewicz while he was hitchhiking. Like Spenkelink, Szymankiewicz was a career criminal, and had a conviction for murdering a owner of a furniture store during a robbery. They went on a nationwide crime spree together, but Spenkelink shot Szymankiewicz and disemboweled him with a hatchet while he was asleep in a hotel room. He claimed that the killing was done to protect himself from a sexual assault and being forced to play Russian Roulette, but this was rejected by the courts. Spenkelink had several previous convictions of armed robberies, some of which he was serving when he escaped from California.
2. Robert Sullivan (1973-1983, electric chair): Sullivan and his accomplice abducted 38 year old Donald Schmidt from a Howard Johnson's he managed. They bound Schmidt's hands behind his back, and drove him to a remote swamp in the Everglades. He was beaten with a tire iron and shot four times in the head. The pair then took Schmdit's watch and his credit cards from his body.
3. Anthony Antone (~1970s-1984, electric chair): Antone, a high ranking mobster, was hired by a crime boss to arrange the murder of Richard Cloud, a 33 year old private detective. He arranged for two of his associates to gun down Cloud on his own front porch. Although he wasn't directly present at the crime itself, Antone bore the harshest penalties due to his employer and one of his triggermen committing suicide in custody and the surviving triggerman agreeing to testify against him.
4. Arthur Goode III (~1960s-1984, electric chair): Goode lured 9 year old Jason VerDow into a forest, and raped and strangled him to death. The next day, he abducted Billy Arthe, a 10 year old Guatemalan immigrant, and took him on a journey to Washington D.C. On their way through Virginia, Goode kidnapped 11 year old Kenny Dawson. Both boys were sexually abused, and he strangled Dawson to death with a belt in front of Arthe. Arthe was rescued when a passing woman recognized him from the news coverages. Good was notorious for being a shameless pedophile who openly flaunted and defended his predations of young boys to any listening ears. When he acted as his own attorney during the proceedings for VerDow's murder, Goode's defense entirely hinged on pedophila apologetics and advocacy. He started victimizing younger boys in his early teens, and dealt with several accusations of sexual assault throughout high school. His execution was somewhat controversial, as Goode was cognitively disabled and had the mentality of a young child.
5. James Adams (~1962-1984, electric chair): During a burglary of a ranch, Adams beat the owner, 61 year old Edgar Brown, to death with a firepoker stick. Several of the undisclosed items Adams stole in the robbery were discovered in his wife's car. Prior to the murder, Adams had a rape conviction that gave him a 99 year sentence, but he managed to escape from prison.
6. Carl Shriner (~1962-1984, electric chair): Shriner shot and killed Judith Carter, a 32 year old clerk, while robbing a convenience store. He was involved with petty crimes since he was 8 years old, and Shriner was on parole for armed robbery at the time of the murder.
7. David Washington (1976-1984, electric chair): Washington started his crime spree by fatally stabbing a minister, 69 year old Daniel Pridgen, during a robbery of his home. A few days later, he broke into a home that had 64 year old Katrina Birk and her 3 sister in laws inside. He tied up all four women, and stabbed and shot them. Birk was killed, but her sister in laws survived with crippling injuries. The day after Birk's murder, Washington and his accomplices kidnapped 20 year old Frank Meli from a university, tied him to a bed, and tried extorting a ransom from his family. When that failed, he stabbed his captive to death. In his 10 day long murder and robbery spree, Washington stole jewelry, a car, an undisclosed amount of some money from Pridgen, and $8 from Birk and her sister in laws.
8. Ernest Dobbert Jr. (1972-1984, electric chair): Dobbert routinely tortured his children with beatings, poking their eyes with his fingers, dunking their heads in bathtubs, and burnings with cigarette lighters. Two of them, 9 year old Kelly and 7 year old Ryder, were strangled to death during one of his daily beatings and torture sessions.
9. James Henry (~1965-1984, electric chair): Henry invaded the home of Zellie Riley, a 81 year old Civil Rights activist. He tied up and gagged Riley, slit his throat with a razor blade, and stole $64. A few days later, Henry shot and wounded detective Ronald Ferguson in a confrontation. He previously shot and injured a man in one incident and non fatally stabbed a man in another, and alleged in both cases that the circumstances were self defense. However, the apparent victims made identical claims that Henry was trying to rob them.
10. Timothy Palmes (1976-1984, electric chair): Palmes used his girlfriend to lure her employer, a 41 year old furniture store owner named James Stone, to her apartment and knocked him unconscious with a hammer. Palmes and his other accomplice, Ronald Straight, bound him with wire and locked Stone in a wooden box they specifically made for him. They tortured their captive by slowly cutting his fingers off, and stabbed him 18 times with a machete and knife. The trio dumped Stone's body (which was still trapped in the box) into a river and stole his watch, car, and $2,800 from his store. Palmes tried to blame the killing entirely on his girlfriend, but she was granted immunity in exchange for testifying against him and Straight.
11. James Raulerson (1975-1985, electric chair): Raulerson and his accomplice robbed a restaurant at gunpoint, and raped one of the female employees. When the responding officers arrived at the scene, the pair engaged in a shootout with them. Both Raulerson's accomplice and a policeman, 23 year old Michael Stewart, were killed in the skirmish.
12. Johnny Witt (1973-1985, electric chair): Witt and his accomplice frequently stalked random people they could in the woods, as they were thrilled by the prospect of hunting other human beings. On a whim, the pair ambushed 11 year old Jonathan Kushner while he was riding his bike. They incapacitated Kushner by hitting him in the head with a drill star bit and gagged him. After they tossed him in the back of their truck, Kushner suffocated on the gag. Witt and his accomplice then cut the boy's stomach open to prevent bloating, engaged in intercourse with his body, and buried Kushner in a shallow grave.
13. Marvin Francois (1977-1985, electric chair): During what is now called the "Carol City massacre", Francois and two other men, Beauford White and John Ferguson, forced their way into a drug house. They tied up the 8 men and women inside (who were all between 24-45 years old), and shot them all in the head. Only two of the victims, 45 year old Johnnie Hall and 24 year old Margaret Wooden, survived. A total of $800 was stolen in the attack. Accomplice Ferguson (who was executed in 2013) also committed a series of unrelated murders that Francois wasn't involved with. These crimes are discussed in depth under Ferguson’s section (case 78) in Part 2 of this list.
14. Daniel Thomas (1976-1986, electric chair): Thomas and his accomplices, dubbed the "Ski Mask Gang" by the media, went on a rampage that involved the burglaries of 16 homes and the rapes of 5 women. The husband of one of those women, 49 year old Charles Anderson, was shot dead in an attempt to protect her. Other murders attributed to the Gas Mask Gang include 20 year old Henry Kersey (shot to death while trying to defend his wife, who was then tossed off a bridge) and 70 year old Tessie Henderson (succumbed to injuries received in a beating). Another woman was blinded after members of the Ski Mask Gang poured liquid plumber into her eyes.
15. David Funchess (1973-1986, electric chair): Fuchess was fired from a liquor store due to the owners suspecting him of stealing money. A year later, he assaulted his former workplace with a knife. He stabbed two employees, 62 year old Bertha McLeod and 52 year old Anna Waldrop, and a customer, 56 year old Clayton Ragan. Waldrop and Ragan were killed at the scene, while McLeod died from complications relating to her injuries two years after the attack. Fuchess left the store with several canceled checks that total around $6,000. He had several misdemeanors and minor felonies on his previous record that included theft, loitering, obstructing traffic, public intoxication, and disturbing the peace. Fuchess also attracted some public sympathy due to him being a Vietnam combat veteran that was diagnosed with PTSD.
16. John Straight (1976-1986, electric chair): As mentioned in Timothy Palmes' section, Straight took part in the torture murder of David Stone, and the robbery of his furniture store.
17. Beauford White (~1963-1987, electric chair): White was another participant in the "Carol City massacre" that the previously mentioned Marvin Francois was involved in. He had a lengthy criminal history dating back to the 1960s, and one of his past convictions was related to an attempted rape.
18. Willie Darden (~1970s-1988, electric chair): Darden was convicted of the shooting death of 54 year old James Turman and the non fatal shooting of a 16 year old neighbor while robbing Turman's Furniture Store. Turman's wife was also raped in the robbery. Some supporters had citied that he was tried by an all white jury, and used it to push a narrative that Darden, a black man, was condemned out of racism. He had several previous convictions, which included assault, forgery, theft, and the attempted rape of a 70 year old woman. Darden was on furlough for the latter conviction during the time of Turman's murder.
19. Jeffrey Daugherty (1976-1988, electric chair): While on a road trip with his uncle and girlfriend, Daugherty murdered at least 4 women and one man, 68 year old Carmen Abrams, 50 year old Betty Campbell, 49 year old Lavonne Sailer, 28 year old Elizabeth Shank, and 18 year old George Karns. The victims were slain through either shootings or stabbings at grocery stores, gas stations, and restaurants they worked at, but Sailer was attacked while hitchhiking. Daugherty mostly murdered for personal enjoyment, but he often stole coins, clothes, and watches from the victims.
20. Theodore Bundy (~1970s(?)-1989, electric chair): Across multiple states, Bundy kidnapped, raped, and murdered a bare minimum of ~20-36 females between the ages of 12-26. Although his true body count is uncertain and heavily disputed, most experts agree that it well exceeds official estimates. Bundy's abduction tactics were diverse, and ranged from grabbing targets by force, pretending to be a cripple in need of help, posing as emergency workers, seduction, and luring them in through hitchhiking. On some occasions, Bundy broke into the residences of victims, and assaulted them in their bedrooms. After an abduction, the victims were bound with handcuffs, raped while they were alive, and he engaged in acts of necrophila with their bodies. Most of his killing methods were strangulations with cords or beatings with tire irons and other blunt instruments. Several victims were also decapitated, and he kept their heads as trophies. Bundy disposed of corpses by dumping them in deserts, mountains, swamps, and other remote wilderness environments accessible to him.
21. Aubrey Adams Jr. (1978-1989, electric chair): Adams lured 8 year old Trisa Thomley into his car by offering her a ride home from school. He tied the girl up and dragged her to a remote forest. She was then raped and suffocated with a plastic bag.
22. Jesse Tafero (~1960s-1990, electric chair): A pair of patrolmen, 39 year old Phillip Black and 39 year old Donald Irwin (who was also a Canadian constable), found Tafero sleeping in his car with his wife, their children (which consisted of a 9 year old son and a 10 month old daughter), and a friend. What exactly occurred next is heavily disputed, but Tafero or his friend shot both officers dead, after they noticed a gun on the dashboard and asked the group to climb out. The group then fled in a police car, disposed of it, and kidnapped a man to carjack him. Tafero's execution was controversial, as his head caught on fire during the electrocution, and his supporters cited evidence of his friend (who was sentenced to life, but was released in 1994 on good behavior) being the triggerman in the shootings. He also had a long history of armed robbery, rape, and sodomy. Tafero's wife was initially condemned for the murder, but her sentence was reduced to 25 years to life on appeal in 1981, and was released with an Alford Plea in 1992.
23. Anthony Bertolotti (1983-1990, electric chair): Bertolotti enticed 46 year old Carol Ward into his home with the promise of helping her make a phone call. He held Ward at knife point, demanded money, and raped her. She was stabbed to death during the assault, and Bertolotti drove away with her car. In the trial, Bertolotti alleged that Ward offered him sex in exchange for stopping the robbery, and used it to claim that his angry girlfriend made him kill her for it.
24. James Hamblen (1984-1990, electric chair): Hamblen shot and killed 34 year old Laureen Edwards during a robbery of her store. Despite forcing Edwards to disrobe, Hamblen left he unmolested. He then fled to Texas and quickly started a relationship with 20 year old Debbie Abbott. A month later, Hamblen shot Abbott dead during a heated argument.
25. Raymond Clark (~1964-1990, electric chair): In 1964, Clark beat Marshell Taylor, his landlord's 14 year old son that he groomed and abused, to death with a pipe. After his parole at an undisclosed date in the 70s, Clark groomed another 14 year old boy into an illicit relationship. He recruited him in the abduction of David Drake, a 49 year scrap dealer. With the boy's help, he kidnapped their victim at gunpoint with the intentions of ransoming him back to his family. The pair forced Drake to write them a $5,000 check, and shot him in the head. When he wasn't able to cash in the check, Clark dropped his accomplice off at his home to avoid being charged with the boy's kidnapping, fled to California, and tried to trick Drake's family into paying his ransom. However, a series of calls was traced to his accomplice, and he implicated Clark to the police.
26. Roy Harich (1981-1991, electric chair): Harich kidnapped two teenage girls, 18 year old Carlene Kelly and 17 year old Deborah Miller, after luring them into his van from a beach. The pair were then both sexually assaulted. He shot Kelly dead, slit Miller's throat, and dumped them on a highway. Miller survived the attack and dragged herself to safety.
27. Bobby Francis (~1970s-1991, electric chair): Suspecting him of being a police informant against his drug trafficking enterprise, Francis abducted 35 year old Titus Walters. He tied him up and forcibly injected drano and battery acid into his body for a span of two hours. Despite Walters' pleas for his life, Francis shot him in the head and heart.
28. Nollie Martin (1977-1992, electric chair): Martin and his accomplice robbed a convenience store at knifepoint, stole $90, and kidnapped the clerk, 19 year old Patricia Greenfield. She was then raped and stabbed to death by her captors.
29. Edward Kennedy (~1977-1992, electric chair): In 1977, Kennedy and some partners shot and killed 33 year old Robert Brown, during a robbery of a motel. He was given a life sentence for the murder. Four years later, Kennedy escaped from prison. While on the run, he broke into a house in hopes of stealing money and guns. The homeowner, 32 year old Floyd Cone Jr. returned home with his cousin, 35 year old Robert McDermon (who worked as a state trooper), and unwittingly intercepted Kennedy. He shot them both dead, fled to a neighboring home, and took a 21 year old woman and her 4 month old son hostage. After a hour long standoff, Kennedy released his captives and surrendered himself to the police.
30. Robert Henderson (~1964-1998, electric chair): In December of 1982, Henderson went on a month long rampage across 6 states. He raped, robbed, and murdered a total of 12 people between the ages of 11-79 through shootings. Three of the victims where his wife's parents, 61 year old Ivan and 57 year old Marie Barnett, and her 11 year old brother Clifford. A few other victims were women, like 50 year old Dorothy Wilkinson, 37 year old Cheryl McDonald, 30 year old Jerilyn Stanfield, and 21 year old Lucinda Russell, that were kidnapped from their workplaces and homes and raped. A couple more were men, such as 79 year old Murray Ferderbe and 61 year old Sam Corrent, that he killed while robbing their homes and businesses. Henderson's last remaining murders were a trio of hitchhikers, 27 year old Vernon Odom, 23 year old Frances Dickey, and 18 year old Robert Dawson, that he killed together. Last but not least, Henderson bound an unidentified woman and her 12 year old daughter at gunpoint during a break in of their home. After Henderson raped the mother, he tried to do the same to her daughter. The mother then broke free from her restraints, and chased him away from her home. Contemporary media reports noted that the mother "fought harder for her daughter then she did for herself." Henderson had prior convictions of growing marijuana, assaulting officers, and stealing license plates.
31. Larry Johnson (1979-1993, electric chair): During the robbery of a gas station, Johnson shot and killed the clerk, 67 year old James Hadden. Like David Funchess, Johnson enjoyed a considerable amount of public sympathy due to him being a combat veteran of the Vietnam War.
32. Michael Durocher (1983-1993, electric chair): In 1983, Durocher made an agreement with his girlfriend, 31 year old Grace Reed, to conduct a murder-suicide pact involving her 5 year old daughter Candace and their 6 month old son Joshua. Although he shot and stabbed them all to death, Durocher backed out of his end of the pact. He later shot dead 27 year old Thomas Underwood while robbing a decorating story in 1986, and beat his roommate, 38 year old Edward Childers, to death during an argument in 1988.
33. Roy Stewart (1978-1994, electric chair): 77 year old Margaret Haizlip invited Stewart into her home. When she caught Stewart stealing a gold watch from her medicine drawer, Haizlip tried to evict him. In the confrontation, Stewart raped and strangled her to death with an electrical cord. Her body was found with 8 broken ribs, a fractured larynx, bite marks on her thighs and breasts, several contusions, and a torn vagina.
34. Bernard Bolender (~1970s-1995, electric chair): In a drug deal gone wrong, Bolender and two accomplices abducted their dealers, 39 year old John Merino, 38 year old Rudy Ayan, 33 year old Nicomedes Hernandez, and 25 year old Scott Bennett, at gunpoint, and robbed them of their jewelry. All four men were beaten with baseball bats, stabbed, and burned with heated knifes to extort an additional source of cocaine from them. Most of the hostages died in the 2 hour long torture session, but Merino was still alive when Bolender burned him and the other hostages' bodies in a car. Although most of his criminal history is murky, Bolender was heavily involved in the drug trade during the 1970s at the bare minimum.
35. Jerry White (~1962-1995, electric chair): White robbed a grocery store, and held the owner, 53 year old Alex Alexander, and a trio of customers (which consisted of 34 year old James Melson, an unidentified man, and the man's 12 year old daughter) at gunpoint. He shot and killed Melson, wounded Alexander, and tried forcing the father and daughter into a freezer. When the pair refused, White tried to shot them, but his gun misfired. The man and his daughter were able to flee with their lives and called the police, while White ran off with $338. White had 9 previous convictions, which included attempted murder, armed robbery, theft, and burglary, and was first arrested at the age of 14.
36. Phillip Atkins (1981-1995, electric chair): Atkins kidnapped 6 year old Antonio Castillo and molested him in a forest. When Castillo threatened to tell his parents about the abuse, Atkins bludgeoned him to death with a pipe.
37. John Bush (~1970s-1996, electric chair): Bush and three other men kidnapped 18 year old Frances Slater from a gas station she worked as a clerk at. They stabbed her to death and stole $100 from the register. Slater's murder attracted national attention due to her being the granddaughter and heiress of renowned singer Frances Langford and the outboard motor mongrel Ralph Evinrude. Bush's previous convictions include rape and robbery.
38. John Mills Jr. (1982-1996, electric chair): Mills and his accomplice tied up and abducted 30 year old Les Lawhon after ransacking his trailer for any valuables. They took him to a nearby abandoned airport to hideout. Lawhon then was beaten with a tire iron and shot in the head execution style.
39. Pedro Medina (1982-1997, electric chair): Medina tied up and gagged 52 year old Dorothy James in her home. He stabbed her to death and stole her car, which he was captured sleeping in by investigating police officers. His execution was a source of controversy, as Medina's head burst into flames as he was electrocuted on the chair. Medina's case and similar incidents led to Florida gradually phasing out of the electric chair in favor of lethal injection.
40. Gerald Stano (~1960s-1998, electric chair): Stano was convicted of murdering 22 women and girls between the ages of 12-35, though he admitted to 41, and is suspected of a total of 88 killings. His victims were all lured with promises of rides, payment for sexual favors, or abducted through force. The methods he used were diverse, and included drownings, shootings, stabbings, and strangulations. Most of the sources noted that none of his victims were raped, and that Stano seemed to have murdered out of an enjoyment for killing. As a child, Stano was charged with fasley pulling fire alarms at school and throwing rocks at cars. He was also fired for stealing from coworkers in one of his jobs.
41. Leo Jones (1981-1998, electric chair): Supposedly out of revenge for being brutalized by policemen, Jones was convicted of killing Thomas Szafranski, a 28 year old officer, in a sniper attack. Szafranski was driving his patrol car when he was ambushed and murdered. His execution was contested, as Jones claimed that he was coerced into confessing by investigators through beatings, and one of the apparent witnesses allegedly recounted his testimony.
42. Judy Buenoano (~1957-1998, electric chair): Over the course of 11 years, Buenoano poisoned her husband, 32 year old James Goodyear, her son, 19 year old Michael, and her boyfriend, 39 year old Bobby Morris with arsenic to collect their life insurance policies. She also made an attempt to poison another boyfriend after he was injured in a suspicious explosion, but was foiled by a police investigation. As a young girl, Buenoano assaulted her father, stepmother, and stepbrothers, and served a two month sentence for it.
43. Daniel Remeta (1985-1998, electric chair): Remeta and his accomplices shot and killed 5 people, 60 year old Mehrle Reeder, 55 year old Glenn Moore, 42 year old Linda Marvin, 29 year old John Schroeder, and 27 year old Larry McFarland, across Kansas, Arkansas, and Florida. The victims were all murdered in convenience store, restaurant, and gas station robberies.
44. Allen Davis (~1970s-1999, electric chair): Davis broke into a home with the intentions of raping 9 year old Kristina Weiler. Although no sexual assault occurred, Davis tied Kristina up and shot her in the head. He also struck her pregnant mother, 37 year old Nancy, 25 times on her head and face with his pistol, and left the body "bruised beyond recognition." When Kristina's sister, 5 year old Katherine, tried to escape, Davis shot and bludgeoned her to death. He then sacked the home for any belongings. Davis was a long time felon, and had several previous convictions of burglary, child molestation, and involuntary manslaughter. His execution caused significant controversy, as his nose bled all over his body during the fatal shocks, and he suffered burns to his legs, head, and groin. The backlash, combined with other botched incidents like Pedroa Medina and Jesse Tafero, resulted in Florida replacing the electric chair with lethal injection.
45. Terry Sims (1977-2000, lethal injection): George Pfeil, a 57 year old deputy and WW2 veteran, walked into a pharmacy that Sims and his 3 accomplices were robbing, to pick up a prescription. Upon seeing what was happening, Pfeil pulled out his gun and engaged the robbers, but was killed by them in the shootout. Although Sims was injured, he managed to escape the scene, and was captured a month later while trying to carry out another robbery in California.
46. Anthony Bryan (1983-2000, lethal injection): Bryan and his accomplice kidnapped a night watchman, 60 year old George Wilson, and used his keys to rob a bank he guarded. They drove Wilson to a remote forest and shot him in the head. The pair dumped his body in a creek and drove their car into a lake to destroy any evidence.
47. Bennie Demps (~1971-2000, lethal injection): Demps received his first death sentence in 1971 when he shot and killed a real estate agent, 54 year old Robert Brinkworth, and his client, 64 year old Celia Puhlick, while the victims were trying to engage in a house sale. He also wounded Celia's husband, 62 year old Nicholas, and stole a safe from the house. However, his first death sentence was lifted from the brief nationwide capital punishment ban from the Furman decision. Two years after his first death sentence was commuted, Demps was given a second death sentence when he fatally stabbed another inmate, 23 year old Alfred Sturgis, on the behalf of the Perjury Incorporated prison gang. Sturgis was in prison for murder, and he was targeted due to Perjury Incorporated's suspicions of him of being an informant.
48. Thomas Provenzano (1984-2000, lethal injection): In retaliation for being charged for disorderly conduct months earlier, Provenzano stormed a courthouse, and shot and killed Arnold Wilkerson, a 60 year old deputy that was a veteran of WW2, Korea, and Vietnam, on the scene. Two more policemen, 53 year old Harry Dalton Jr. and 19 year old Mark Parker, were also hit by gunfire, and they both died from complications relating to their injuries years after the attack.
49. Dan Hauser (1995-2000, lethal injection): Out of a desire to kill somebody, Huser enticed a stripper, 21 year old Melanie Rodrigues, into a motel room with the promise of payment for sexual services. After they had intercourse, he strangled her to death. Hauser was also caught stealing a truck months before the murder.
50. Edward Castro (1986-2000, lethal injection): Castro lured three homosexual men, 57 year old Austin Scott, 50 year old George Hill, and 46 year old Claude Henderson, from gay bars. The victims were all tied up and stabbed to death in their homes. After each killing, Castro left with valuables such as cars, watches, rings, money, and wallets.
51. Robert Glock II (1983-2001, lethal injection): Glock kidnapped 34 year old Sharilyn Ritchie from a mall parking lot and forced her to withdraw $100 from an ATM. He then drove Ritchie to a forest 60 miles away and shot her in the head. Ritchie's wedding ring and purse was also stolen in the attack.
52. Rigoberto Sanchez-Velasco (1986-2002, lethal injection): Sanchez-Velasco raped and fatally strangled Katixa Ecenarro, his girlfriend's 11 year old daughter. While awaiting execution for Ecenarro's murder, Sanchez-Velasco got into a fight with fellow condemned inmates, 41 year old Charles Street and 30 year old Edwin Kaprat, and stabbed them both to death. Kaprat received a death sentence for the sexual abuse and torture-killings of 4 elderly women, while Street was sentenced to death for the shooting murders of two police officers.

~First~
The Bounty Hunters
“So we’re number four thousand eight hundred and twenty two on the waiting list?” Slithern asks Mother Lytha. He’s wrapped up in her coils with Mother Cindy on Pukey’s lap and between them. She’s holding George and Harrika is holding little Darruda Dawn Schmidt Powercoil. Or DD, it turns out that the name was too good for the nickname of Booger to stick. To Slithern’s disappointment. Surrounding them are his honourguard in full formal plate. Even though they were told this was going to be casual.
“It’s going through quickly.” Bike remarks from his position. He had decided to be a gentleman and let Susie-Lu have his seat. Which is why her sister was leaning against an unused part of he console next to where Bike was working.
“So does that mean we still need ta stand at attention all formal like? Or can I relax a lil?” Sallie asks. They had managed to easily fit everyone in the ship onto the bridge so there had been a minimum of fighting for seating space. Mostly the spaces around respective husbands. The Crimsonhewers didn’t care. The Sidewinders had moved fast. Nuit and Soir were all over Tang as Mustard relaxed with Andrea and Roth. Jade was crouching next to a sitting Onyx with Air Farce draped over their shoulders like the most impertinent boa to ever exist.
The Hat was reclining with his newly made piece of clothing as J3 was jotting down a list of all the funniest loopholes he could find in Mordonan bylaws and Orhanas traditions. It was in bullet point format and he was halfway through his fifth page already.
Mustard, Andrea and Roth were all but tangled up together and while The Hat wasn’t technically surrounded by his Crimsonhewer brides, there was also a higher concentration of them around the big man.
“We have contact!” Bike suddenly says as the queue in front of them jumps in time to see a man take a pull of a clear liquid that is unlikely to be water. “Are you Observer Wu?”
“I am, and you would be Officer Drake Engel. Your Aunt sends her regards.” Observer Wu says putting the bottle to this side.
“The queue behind us just expanded to several thousand. Still working on your cyber-security?”
“Yes. Unfortunately my duties require that I take an initial observation of all human outposts and interests before physically going there to evaluate in person. Meaning I can’t simply shut it off as Admiral Cistern has recommended.” Observer Wu says and there are numerous sympathetic looks.
“Well, if nothing else it should confirm just how female dominant the galactic population is.” Pukey says. “I will not hold it against you if you wish to drain the flask.”
“I’ll need more of it for later. My supplies are currently limited.” Observer Wu states. “Now then, from my understanding you are one of the earliest groups that went out and sought further interactions with the galaxy at large. You have also a recent report of one of your members attaining noble rank in a friendly empire known as Lablan, is this correct?”
“That would be me.” Slither says. “Behold my honourguard! I’m afraid I’ve left the Crystal Star back in my quarters however.”
“I see. Is there anything in particular that I should be made aware of?”
“There have been a few encounters with some very dangerous things. Some are still legally classified, others are classified under an Undaunted Remit to control dangerous information.”
“Dangerous information?
“A disgustingly powerful weapon that is easily mass made but terrible in all it’s means. The ones we’re referring to are named Pale Generators. They’re in the Albrith files.” Pukey says and Observer Wu nods.
“More to read for me then. Now I understand we have you thank for some unholy hybrid of an elephant gun, anti-material rifle and artillery cannon.”
“Yes, the Pop Gun. Often impractical, but most people scanning for weapons look for things like railguns or coilguns which have certain energy profiles, but a Pop-Gun is inert until used. Meaning it can slip through a lot of scans. Couple that with it being made of common materials and you can hide these monsters just about anywhere and there’s no way of knowing where they are without actually seeing them.”
“An excellent contribution.” Observer Wu remarks. “You were also involved in the conquest of Vucsa were you not?”
“They picked me up there!” Jade says holding up a hand and dislodging Air Farce by accident. There’s about a half second of excitement as the man lands mostly bad, jumps off it hard and turns it into a flip.
“Hah!” He proclaims and Jade laughs. “What’s the matter? Can’t get one on your old man?”
Any further taunting is cut off by her grabbing him into a tight hug as Onyx laughs before pausing as she feels her stomach.
“Little sis kicking?”
“If I hadn’t had a scan I would swear you had two sisters on the way little lady. She’s going to be a big one.” Onyx notes wryly.
“Sorry big girl, I don’t do things by halves.” Air Farce says now standing up next to her and is just barely poking over her shoulder as he does so. She leans back to kiss him.
“Make it up to me then.”
“So business as usual?”
“Business as usual.” She confirms.
“Well, I can see that there’s certainly a great effort to see how humans interbreed with other races.” Observer Wu states. “What has been learned about that?”
“Well for starters, even if there’s an enormous difference between the parents the child is still healthy. Little George here hatched from an egg that his three foot tall mother laid.” Pukey says and Observer Wu openly taps a few keys on his chair to zoom in.
“Congratulations, the child looks healthy, if a little small.”
“He should grow a fair amount more in short order. But he seems to be almost completely human.”
“Almost?”
“There is a slightly stronger type of ligament and reinforcement around his hands. His nails are also coming in stronger. I have more than a few ancestors from the mountains, with the stronger grips and everything. Looks like my little Georgie is going to be hard to stop from climbing over everything.”
“Really? So your specific breed of Kohb have stronger grips?”
“Very much so. There are those with larger hands designed to aid in digging, then there are some with finer smoother scales for better swimming.” Cindy says nuzzling down first George, then DD when she makes some noise.
Then the older sister giggles and decides to try and talk with her brother again. “Uh oh, looks like we’ve got some chatting ahead.”
“I think we should duck out then. Need to keep the littles well attended to.” Pukey says rising up as he carries them all. “If you’ll excuse me sir, I have an adoptive daughter and a newly born son to attend to.”
As the door closes behind them there’s a pause.
“So now that they’re out of the room, does anyone want to talk about them?” J3 asks in an amused tone.
“I think we can skip that, now, your particular role is to effectively take up a second occupation and pursue it while reporting back to The Undaunted as a whole, that must have been quite the step up. How were you chosen for this? Recruitment? Volunteered?”
“We were firstly singled out as more energetic and unusual crew members, the fact that all of us...”
“Ahem.” Tang interrupts.
“Almost all of us.” Bike amends his statement. “Almost all of us had some kind of strange nickname but ALL of us were rated highly for independence and initiative. We’re all always doing something, and this gives us something to do as well as being outright encouraged to get our hands on and play with every possible new toy we can.”
“And how many planets have you visited at this point?”
“Several dozen. Although if we were to simply go from world to world to drop off every criminal we had found that was a border jumper of some kind then we would rapidly visit another hundred, easily.”
“Not to mention revisit a great many that we’ve already gone to.”
“Yeah, that’s the problem with vacation worlds. People like running to them and often need to run from them after doing something stupid.”
“However the fact that a lot of bounties let you get first grab of a criminal’s illegal items, we’ve gotten quite the stash of weapons and equipment. TO say nothing of the weird techniques we discover that makes us see things even more tactically.”
“Such as?”
“One of our earliest bits of bounty hunting was The Multi-Armed Maimers, they were categorized by having many limbs as you can guess.”
Observer Wu nods.
“Well they had a trick where they’d lead any chase they ended up in directly into a treacherous canyon that would overhang to form an open air cave with numerous quartz veins, magnetic interference and a path so dangerous that chasing them was suicide, and if it was blocked off they would up their viciousness until it was uncovered, and if someone waited on the other side? Guaranteed death for whoever they took hostage, and not a clean one either.”
“How did you handle it?”
“Bought the wreck of a local van, repaired and upgraded until it was borderline illegal to own, and then went through the canyon, a little faster each time, until Air Farce there could fly it at his top speed with his eyes closed.”
“Okay, so you could stop them from harming a hostage. What else?”
“Well, we also knew that they would likely try it twice, so we set a trap at the entrance after they went over it. Using positioning and sensors to set it off at the exact right time in order to shred the underside of their vehicle. The resulting crashed stunned and injured the Maimers, allowing for easy capture.” Air Farce finishes before grinning. “Big girl here was also on the hunt and I showed her our ways. Taking her for a leisurely drive with the songs of earth to serenade her when she asked how we did it.”
There is a moment of silence before he chuckles.
“Poor girl doesn’t have a single romantic bone in her body! She...” Air Farce begins to ease before a large dark hand tipped with claws wraps around his head to silence him before he’s dragged into Onyx’s lap.
“Anyways, after he nearly scared my fur off, I realized I was dealing with the kind of man so energetic that even getting a few sparks of that would power me for millennia.” Onyx says fondly before she lets go of Air Farce to let him breathe.
“Speaking of energetic, that reminds me of something. Lieutenant General Escareno would like Pilot Rico Bravo to know that so long as he lives the threat of military prison continues under Mexican skies.”
“So long as the General lives or so long as I live?” Air Farce asks.
“He didn’t specify. I saw the forms he has ready. He just needs to file it for a dishonourable discharge, and has refused to speak of what exactly you did to anger him so much.” Observer Wu says and all heads turn to Air Farce.
“Hmm... I was explicitly told that the Gag Order was ‘until everyone forgets this embarrassment’ and failing to uphold it would see the biggest boot he has on the strongest foot he can find to kick my ass into the smallest cell he can manage if I ever tell anyone what happened.”
“Still no clues man?” Bike asks with a large smile.
“Once again, the only clue I’ll give you is that General Escareno has no sense of humour.” Air Farce says flatly.
“We’ll get it out of you one day.”
“Not legally you won’t.” Air Farce says. “Besides, what I did was technically legal.”
“Not anymore it’s not.” Observer Wu replies.
“Well it was legal at the time.” Air Farce amends.
“Every time you open your mouth I have more questions.” Sergeant Migara notes.
“That’s normal.” Air Farce says with a massive grin as he suddenly has Aviators on and there’s some groaning around the bridge.
“Where did those come from and why?” Observer Wu asks.
“He’s got a little Axiom pocket tattoo behind his ear. He has them in there.” Jade explains.
“Jade! No! Sweetie please, not my secrets!” Air Farce calls out and Observer Wu just shakes his head.
“Yes, this is clearly a surprisingly normal ship. Incidentally is Captain Schmidt still listening? There is someone here to meet him.”
“Oh, yeah we’re just outside, just making sure the little ones having a conversation isn’t interrupting.” Pukey says as he and Cindy slip back in with the two babies happily babbling at each other.
“Here, let me help.” Harrika says as she turns around and walks over. Little DD and George are happy to be near each other with George grabbing at DD constantly and her giggling every time his fingers slide over her reinforced skin.
“So you have someone here to speak with me?” Pukey says before Observer Wu nods and gestures for someone to walk over. “Baked?”
“Hey.” The man says. His expression is immensely slack but not outside of regulation. “You’ve done well.”
“I have. I’m surprised you recovered quick enough for the second round.”
“Eh, it still hurts. But it doesn’t really matter.” Baked replies. “So... three kids?”
“Four, the next egg is soon to hatch.” Pukey says and Baked pauses.
“Still kinda weird that humans can come from eggs now.”
“Well, the next one up is a daughter. Little snake girl coming up.”
“Really? That’s nice.” Baked says and there’s nothign else he says. After a few moments everyone turns to Pukey wondering what the hell is going on.
“It’s just Baked, he’s about as calm and mellow as a human can get. Even with chemical assistance, he’s not worried.”
“Why worry? Things turn out how they turn out.”
“Yes, yes the do.” Pukey says and then there’s another silence as Bike slowly looks back and forth and Air Farce starts outright snickering. “Look he’s just like this. I can’t stop that! Breaking his own ankle barely got a peep out of the man!”
People start laughing as Pukey rolls his eyes in frustration.
~First~ Last

Hello everyone We all know how difficult it is for UG students to survive in doctors hostel with a hypocrite RDA and snitches among us who leak group chats to the residents. With not a single evidence RDA has accused UG of stealing dumbbells from gym and now restricting our entry there. The girl students are at an even bigger disadvantage with all moral policing and surveillance as if the first 6 floors are meant to be a prison. When we resist they threaten us with things like “we’ll fail you” “Dekh Lenge humare pass hi aana hai”. The targeted raids in rooms are unjust more so when the residents accompany the raid who themselves are the biggest stoners and drinkers. There is not a single instance of raiding PG residents or SR rooms. If raids are done fairly then smuggling level quantities would be seized from their rooms.
Our Aims: 1. The student council is an obsolete body with president Bohra and ex president Atul being the pets of RDA quite literally being fed Parle G Time to time. We hope to replace them in such a way that without a face we can put up a resistance against RDA 2. Student of ABVIMS is filled with snitches so this forum will be a safe space for everyone to give their opinions 3. Resist for the rights of female UG students for equality and parity with male counterparts 4. Resist against the restrictions imposed on us regarding gym
-Thunder

There have been many instances in TV shows and movies or tales about usually a woman or women getting revenge on a man by sexually violating him in some way.
Even in cases of revenge for the man sexually assaulting the woman, such as in the girl with the dragon tattoo, I spit on your grave or orange is the new black, I think it just shows our attitude to male victims of rape.
Rape and sexual violence are never justifiable. There is never a good reason to do it. I understand anger at someone who has done you harm but just regular violence should do the job instead of gender based violence. Imagine a female villain who gets raped as revenge and this is portrayed as a good, praiseworthy act.
This shows that female victims of sexual violence are it is met with sympathy and seen as tragic and traumatic. When a man is a victim of sexual violence it’s just “humiliating and emasculating” and so therefore seen as a suitable punishment. A lot of this viewpoint also overlaps with homophobia and the view that men being the recipient or more “submissive” role in a sex act is emasculating.
This is not me saying that those men in these movies were not bad but acting as if anyone deserves rape is so weird to me. This demonstrates the fact that so many people will claim to care about male victims and then support this stuff. It’s similar when people make jokes about bad men getting raped in prison. Even if a man is bad and you think he deserves punishment, no man is deserving of sexual violence.

"I don't care"

"Carey said he had wanted Parker's support for legislation requiring staff in state and private facilities to report incidents of suspected abuse or neglect of vulnerable people to a 911 operator." "Disability rights advocate says state senator with violent history shoved him at New York Capitol." https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/disability-rights-advocate-state-senator-violent-history-shoved-110313486

why patients hospitalized longer?

uganda, "factors significantly associated a longer LoS (length of stay) among our study participants included; being admitted in a hospital without caregivers (adjusted coefficient [aCoef]: 14.88, 95% CI 7.98-21.79, p < 0.001), a diagnosis of schizophrenia (aCoef: 10.68, 95 %CI 5.53-15.83, p < 0.001), being separated or divorced (aCoef: 7.68, 95% CI 1.09-14.27, p = 0.023), and increase in money spent during the admission (aCoef: 0.14, 95% CI 0.09-0.18, p < 0.001)." https://www.mentalhealthdataprizeafrica.aphrc.org/repository/pape41515/length-of-stay-of-hospitalized-patients-at-tertiary-psychiatry-facilities-in-uganda-the-role-of-caregivers-presence

False Claims Act

"two central assertions at the heart of his book were false: that Prozac was a safe and extraordinarily effective drug, with no major side effects; and that, even more remarkably, it could make you “better than well.” https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/how-anecdotes-sell-drugs-on-peter-kramers-listening-to-prozac/

TV

Jon Stewart, "pharma lobbyist cannot buy a senator a panini." "through the p.a.c." can pay for pro-psych new york senator kirsten gillibrand. https://youtu.be/hhBn9k-F56U

podcast

new york city mayor wants a mental prison for at least 2,000 people with aromatherapy (in addition to deadly poisons) and claims, at 20 minutes, it won't be "abusive." https://wgci.iheart.com/featured/angela-yee/content/2024-05-16-1119-way-up-with-angela-yee-full-interview-mayor-eric-adams-addresses-lifeg/
What is a.o.t.? https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/74ijhk5qn5qpnmx7/CC_AOT_final.mp3

addiction

australia, "Tasmanian Government tabled the Sentencing Amendment (Alcohol Treatment Order) Bill 2024 (The Bill) in the House of Assembly." Why not throw tobacco smokers into rehab? https://www.miragenews.com/parliament-tables-bill-for-alcohol-dependence-1236135/

female hormone

"Increased prolactin levels were found in AN-FEP (antipsychotic naïve first episode psychosis) patients." https://archive.is/680gK

personal experiences

May 17 10:45 AM mother touched my left hand.

"I don't care"

"Carey said he had wanted Parker's support for legislation requiring staff in state and private facilities to report incidents of suspected abuse or neglect of vulnerable people to a 911 operator." "Disability rights advocate says state senator with violent history shoved him at New York Capitol." https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/disability-rights-advocate-state-senator-violent-history-shoved-110313486

why patients hospitalized longer?

uganda, "factors significantly associated a longer LoS (length of stay) among our study participants included; being admitted in a hospital without caregivers (adjusted coefficient [aCoef]: 14.88, 95% CI 7.98-21.79, p < 0.001), a diagnosis of schizophrenia (aCoef: 10.68, 95 %CI 5.53-15.83, p < 0.001), being separated or divorced (aCoef: 7.68, 95% CI 1.09-14.27, p = 0.023), and increase in money spent during the admission (aCoef: 0.14, 95% CI 0.09-0.18, p < 0.001)." https://www.mentalhealthdataprizeafrica.aphrc.org/repository/pape41515/length-of-stay-of-hospitalized-patients-at-tertiary-psychiatry-facilities-in-uganda-the-role-of-caregivers-presence

False Claims Act

"two central assertions at the heart of his book were false: that Prozac was a safe and extraordinarily effective drug, with no major side effects; and that, even more remarkably, it could make you “better than well.” https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/how-anecdotes-sell-drugs-on-peter-kramers-listening-to-prozac/

TV

Jon Stewart, "pharma lobbyist cannot buy a senator a panini." "through the p.a.c." can pay for pro-psych new york senator kirsten gillibrand. https://youtu.be/hhBn9k-F56U

podcast

new york city mayor wants a mental prison for at least 2,000 people with aromatherapy (in addition to deadly poisons) and claims, at 20 minutes, it won't be "abusive." https://wgci.iheart.com/featured/angela-yee/content/2024-05-16-1119-way-up-with-angela-yee-full-interview-mayor-eric-adams-addresses-lifeg/
What is a.o.t.? https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/74ijhk5qn5qpnmx7/CC_AOT_final.mp3

addiction

australia, "Tasmanian Government tabled the Sentencing Amendment (Alcohol Treatment Order) Bill 2024 (The Bill) in the House of Assembly." Why not throw tobacco smokers into rehab? https://www.miragenews.com/parliament-tables-bill-for-alcohol-dependence-1236135/

female hormone

"Increased prolactin levels were found in AN-FEP (antipsychotic naïve first episode psychosis) patients." https://archive.is/680gK

personal experiences

May 17 10:45 AM mother touched my left hand.

Date: 05/17/2024

Reading time: 2 minutes, 402 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

Adopted “Agents Law” Differs from the Original, Foresees Personal Fines – Experts

The final version of the controversial foreign agents’ law was amended in its third and final reading on May 14. It now allows for imposing fines on physical persons for failing to disclose data on suspected agents under “foreign influence’s influence. The previous version, passed in the first reading, only foresaw such penalties against legal persons.

CivilGe

MIA Says “No Record” of Arrest of U.S. Citizen, Who Accused Police of Beating him at Rally

U.S. citizen Daryl Scholtz recounted how he was attacked by four masked policemen during one of the days of the ongoing rally against the Foreign Agents Law. He said four masked men attacked and beat him, causing injuries including a hematoma on his brain. The Ministry of Internal Affairs (MIA) issued a statement in response to an interview with him. MIA states that this person was never arrested, never called 112, and was never taken to a hospital, in an attempt to evade responsibility.

CivilGe

NBG Refutes Reports of Russia Money Transfers Resuming through Sanctioned UNISTREAM

The Russian payment system Unistream was sanctioned by the U.S. last July. It is still possible to make money transfers from Russia to Georgia through the system.

CivilGe

Georgian PM offers youth to participate in “public discussions” on transparency law

Georgian PM Irakli Kobakhidze offered youth participating in demonstrations against the law on transparency of foreign influence to select 10 representatives and participate in “public discussions” on the controversial law. The PM also said the ruling team was “completely open all this time” to discuss the law, and noted his Government had also offered foreign ambassadors in Georgia to join public discussions.

AgendaGe

Forum Network Statement of Solidarity with Those Taking a Principled Stand against Georgian Authorities’ ‘Foreign Agents’ Law

The NGO Forum on ADB expresses solidarity with the tens of thousands of people across Georgia who continue to raise their voices against the ‘foreign agents’ law. The law labels NGOs and media outlets receiving more than 20% foreign funding as “organizations acting in the interest of a foreign power” The ADB, as a multilateral financial institution providing support to highly repressive regimes, is therefore nothing less than a complicit actor.

GeorgiaToday

💵 Economy

“Russo-Georgian Business Council” Advocates for Trade in National Currencies and Restoration of Diplomatic Relations

On May 14, the “Russo-Georgian Business Council” held an extended meeting to discuss “the development of relations” between Russia and Georgia on both economic and cultural levels. The meeting emphasized ‘the need for further work to bring the countries together’ and called for financial settlements in trade to be conducted in national currencies – rubles and GEL.

CivilGe

Date: 05/16/2024

Reading time: 5 minutes, 1003 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

Will Armenia Leapfrog Georgia to EU Accession?

The ongoing demonstrations in Georgia are the culmination of an ever widening gulf between the country’s ruling class and its disenfranchised masses. Billionaire patron Bidzina Ivanishvili delivered an inflammatory, anti-Western tirade last month that practically amounted to a war cry.

GeorgiaToday

If President Zourabichvili declared as UNM leader, it will be “announcement of second front” in Georgia - PM

Prime Minister Irakli Kobakhidze says Salome Zourabichvili could lead the United National Movement party. He said the move would be good for the ruling Georgian Dream party's upcoming parliamentary results.

AgendaGe

RSF Calls for Transparent Investigation of Attacks on Journalists

Reporters Without Borders addressed the increasing number of attacks on journalists covering the ongoing protests against the foreign agents law. RSF notes that more than a dozen journalists have been subjected to violence and intimidation since April 3, when Georgia’s ruling party reintroduced the notorious law.

CivilGe

Key CSO Network Revokes Memorandum with Parliament over “Russian Law”

The Georgian National Platform of the Eastern Partnership Civil Society Forum (EaP CSF GNP) unites more than 150 civil society organizations. The statement declares solidarity with those “who have become a victim of large-scale repressions, physical and psychological violence in recent days”

CivilGe, 120 CSOs Call for “Unconditional Withdrawal” of Agents Law

Leading MEPs call on European Council and Commission to ‘Reconsider’ EU-Georgia Relations

Three leading MEPs call on the European Council and European Commission to reconsider the EU-Georgia relations, including the EU’s political and financial support to the country. The MEPs reiterate their “full solidarity” with the Georgian people, who they say are “bravely defending” democratic values.

CivilGe, International Reactions to Final Adoption of Foreign Agents Law, MEPs Call on European Council & European Commission to review EU-Georgia relations, MEPs Call on European Council & European Commission to review EU-Georgia relations, Michael Roth: We shouldn’t help “Georgian nightmare” to “modify” the “law on foreign agents”, FMs: Georgian gov’t is not fulfilling its promises to the EU

Parliament completes public review of draft law prepared against LGBT propaganda

Georgian Dream submitted a bill on constitutional amendments “to protect family values and minors” from “pseudo-liberal propaganda” The changes concern the rights of representatives of the LGBTQ+ community. Chairman of Parliament Shalva Papuashvili said religious denominations fully support the draft law.

GeorgiaToday

President Salome Zurabishvili’s Interviews with Foreign Media

Georgian President Salome Zurabishvili gave interviews to foreign media and publications on May 15. She said that she would veto the law within the 14-day period and would only be a demonstration of the vast majority of the Georgian people who oppose the law. She refused to make any predictions about the development of the ongoing mass protests against the law and especially about the ongoing popular protests.

CivilGe

The Prime Minister of Georgia to meet with the President of Turkey

The Prime Minister of Georgia, Irakli Kobakhidze, together with the delegation, was hosted by the President of the Republic of Turkey Recep Tayyip Erdoğan.

GeorgiaToday

💵 Economy

GEL is depreciating: Official value of 1 US dollar becomes 2.7596 GEL

The official value of 1 US dollar became 2.7596 GEL. Today’s rate was 2.7323 GEL. The National Bank sold 60,000,000 US dollars at the foreign exchange auction to stabilize the exchange rate of the Lari (GEL)

GeorgiaToday

Investing in Georgia’s East-West Highway – the Country’s Key Trade and Transport Artery

Georgia's East-West Highway carries over 60% of Georgia’s transit trade and cargo transit, as well as accommodating citizen and tourism flow. The cost of constructing the highway was set at approximately GEL 3 billion (EUR 1 billion), and after experiencing significant delays, it is now slated for completion by the end of 2026. It is part of the European E60, E97 and E117 routes and Asian Highways AH5, AH81 and AH82.

GeorgiaToday

Date: 05/15/2024

Reading time: 3 minutes, 737 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

“Still chance” for Georgian authorities to reconsider transparency law - EU Commission Várhelyi

EU Commissioner for Neighbourhood and Enlargement says there is 'still a chance' for Georgian authorities to reconsider law on transparency of foreign influence. Law adopted by Georgian Parliament on Tuesday calls for registration of non-commercial legal entities and media outlets in the country as “pursuing the interests of a foreign power” if they derive more than 20 percent of their funding from abroad.

AgendaGe, Trans-Atlantic Foreign Affairs Committee Chairs Slam Agent’s Law, Pledge Support to NGOs, Media, Joint Press Point of Georgian President and Foreign Ministers of Baltic Countries and Iceland, Foreign Affairs Committee Chairs of EU Member States Visit Georgia, Foreign ministers of four European countries held meetings in the Parliament of Georgia, Shalva Papuashvili meets with the Ministers of Foreign Affairs of Iceland, Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, Shalva Papuashvili meets with the Ministers of Foreign Affairs of Iceland, Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, Josep Borrell, EC urge Georgian authorities to withdraw the “Russian Law”

Parliament Overrides President’s Veto on Abolition of Quotas for Women MPs

Parliament overrode President's April 18 veto on amendments to Georgia’s Electoral Code that abolish gender quotas for female MPs. 85 MPs voted in favor of abolition, while 22 voted against. Prior to this decision, the Electoral Code of Georgia required that at least one out of every four persons on a party list must be a woman.

CivilGe, Amendments to Electoral Code Adopted: Parties Can Designate ‘Delegates,’ 40% Threshold in City Councils Abolished

The US will provide an additional $2 billion in aid to Ukraine

State Secretary Anthony Blinken announced this during his visit to Kyiv. Aid will be used not only to purchase weapons from other countries, but also to invest in Ukraine's own weapons and equipment.

EuroNewsGeorgia

Protests continue in Tbilisi

Protests against the "Transparency of Foreign Influence Law continue in Tbilisi. On May 15, students marched again from different places. Opponents of the law think that this law is.Russian and will remove Georgia from the path of European integration.

EuroNewsGeorgia

Georgian Companies’ Shares Drop on London Stock Exchange After Adoption of Agents Law

Shares of Georgia companies listed on the London Stock Exchange fell significantly. Bank of Georgia shares plunged about 15 percent as of 15:00 Tbilisi time. Georgia Capital fell by around 9 percent and shares of TBC Bank saw 12 percent drop.

CivilGe

Date: 05/14/2024

Reading time: 5 minutes, 1012 words

🪖 Military

Ukrainian military forces are helping civilians in Kharkiv to evacuate

Russian military operations have intensified in the northern district of Kharkiv. Thousands of civilians are forced to leave their places of residence. Only artillery bombardments have been taking place on this section of the front.

EuroNewsGeorgia

🏛️ Politics & Government

Lazare Grigoriadis again arrested near the parliament

Lazare Grigoriadis was arrested at the rally against “Russian Law” in front of the parliament. He was recently released from prison through an act of pardon released by President Salome Zurabishvili. Ministry of Internal Affairs says the rally damaged the protective fences located in the vicinity of the Parliament building.

GeorgiaToday

Violent incidents are “categorically unacceptable” - Georgian PM calls on “everyone to be patient”

Georgian PM Irakli Kobakhidze on Tuesday said violent incidents were “categorically unacceptable” and called on “everyone to be patient” The Head of the Government pointed out that an investigation had been launched into several cases and highlighted it as “higher than European and American investigation standards”

AgendaGe

The White House Ready to “Fundamentally Reassess” Relations with Georgia over Agents’ Law

Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said the White House was “deeply troubled by Georgia’s Kremlin style foreign agents legislation. She said the legislation would compel us to fundamentally reassess our relationship our relations with Georgia.

CivilGe, Domestic Reactions to Adoption of Foreign Agents Law, International Reactions to Final Adoption of Foreign Agents Law, Breaking: Foreign Agents’ Law Adopted, Amid Protest, Brawls, US Assistant Secretary of State on the bill and possible sanctions, Top US politicians pen letter to Georgian PM condemning foreign agents bill, Top US politicians pen letter to Georgian PM condemning foreign agents bill

Salome Zurabishvili says Will Act as “Guarantor” of the Pro-European Front in Elections

President Salome Zurabishvili spoke to CNN’s Christian Amanpour and said she would be “leading the pro-European front” of the opposition parties and civil society in upcoming elections. She clarified that she does not intend to run for a seat but will “act as a guarantor” for this pro-Western and pro-EU front. Zurabishedvili said several laws, including the “foreign agent law” that she called “the Russian law, are “taking Georgia away from the EU path”

CivilGe, Georgian Dream to give final vote on “Russian” law at 12pm, protests continue

Protests against the draft law "On transparency of foreign influence" continue

Citizens gathered in front of the Parliament of Georgia from 9 o'clock in the morning for the action against the draft law "On transparency of foreign influence. 13 participants of the rally were arrested by law enforcers.

EuroNewsGeorgia, The Parliament of Georgia adopted the draft law on "transparency of foreign influence" in the third reading, The bill on "transparency of foreign influence" will be discussed in the third reading today, citizens are gathering at the parliament, Parliament adopts the Law “On Transparency of Foreign Influence”, Parliament adopts the Law “On Transparency of Foreign Influence”

Deputies physically confront each other at plenary session of Parliament

Georgian Dream MP Dimitri Samkharadze verbally attacked the Chairman of the National Movement, Levan Khabeishvili, at the plenary session, and then tried to physically assault the opposition MP. The bailiffs and other MPs did not allow him to do so.

GeorgiaToday

End of Visit Briefing by Assistant Secretary O’Brien: There’d be consequences if law implemented as it now stands

U.S. Assistant Secretary of State for European and Eurasian Affairs Jim O’Brien held a briefing to discuss the results of his visit to Georgia and meetings with representatives of the government, civil society, and the opposition. He spoke of the US assistance of more than 6 billion USD to Georgia since 1992, as a manifestation of the strategic partnership.

CivilGe, US Assistant Secretary of State on the bill and possible sanctions, Gov’t: Georgian-American relations discussed at meeting between Irakli Kobakhidze and Jim O’Brien

If you'd like to support this work/ get these reports emailed daily: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/newsreports

I just realized while commenting with a Christian that it has been 10 years since I officially left Christianity behind. Now that is a real cake day!! For those just starting the journey to freedom from a stifling, abusive worldview, I can say I have been there. Living in suburban Texas where the first question you asked when meeting someone new is "what church do you go to?," I understand how difficult it is for many to leave. The teachings are designed to discourage doubt and encourage social conformity. The book itself calls us fools. So be it, it's just the opinion of the human who wrote it.
Having freedom from the experience of worrying if every little thing is a sin is just wonderful. Freedom from worrying how every action I take will be viewed by my church "family" is wonderful. Freedom to learn and question and discover who I really am, and who I want to be is wonderful. It can be such a wonderful journey to question what we have been taught is "the truth" by people who cannot even define "truth" accurately. I also question the motivation of people who label us and insist that they know who we are. They are serving their own needs, not ours.
And if you are female, we need and welcome your contributions to our societies and cultures FAR FAR beyond being a mother and a homemaker. Traditions can give us a common identity, but they can also be a prison. It is said they "bind us together," and getting unbound is also great.

Manson had his followers. I had a friend in the 90’s who wrote an article about all the female penpals and would be lovers of Richard Ramirez,the Night Stalker. If memory serves, more than one of these women claimed to be his “wife.” I think they were spiritual wives.
Think Chad are Lori getting fan mail?

Well, if you must know, May is packed with movies and web series that we have all been waiting for a very long time. Last month, films like Siren, Farry, or Teri Baaton Mein Aisa Uljha Jiya and Amar Singh Chamkila even made their way into our living rooms; loads of new movies are back on OTT again- if you missed going to theatres- they have come to you! And the Bridgerton fans also have something good coming.
And so in the spirit of all this let’s scroll down and check out all the movies and web series that we are looking forward to on OTT in May. Mark these dates down and get notifications ready to catch them first day of release.

Heeramandi 01 May 2024 Netflix

One of the most anticipated shows by famous Indian director Sanjay Leela Bhansali is Heeramandi. As Imtiaz Ali’s debut movie for OTT –Amar Singh Chamkila became memorable– it is time for our director with grand sets and heart-touching tales to make his grand debut on OTT as well! Set in pre-independent India, the show has an ensemble star cast that tells the story of courtesans who lived in one of the wealthiest courtesan houses called Heeramandi.

Hacks Season 3 02 May 2024 Jio Cinema

A drama about a female stand-up comedian who teams up with a young writer struggling with her career for creating more funny scripts and bringing back her popularity- well as they say story worked like magic on people! At last, another comical season by this duo is here with stories that will thrill everyone watching them. You should not miss watching this movie rated at IMDb 8.2!
Also Read: Ginny & Georgia

Manjummel Boys 02 May 2024 Netflix

A survival thriller about a group of friends who go on an adventurous road trip from Kochi to Kodaikanal. But soon this fun trip became a question of survival. A real-life story that has received critical and viewer acclaim plus 8.6 IMDb rating- there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t be streaming this thriller that will leave you breathless by the time the last scene rolls out! Watch it on Netflix beginning 2nd May.

T. P Bon 02 May 2024 Netflix

An anime adventure comedy series about a young high school kid who meets some cool time travelling agents and becomes part of their team! It is up to these agents to save them from dying during major historical events in different regions, over continents, eras, times or dates all across the universe’s face of earth. So if you love adventures- jump right into the shoes of Bon with his friendly gang and let’s go back in time!

Shaitaan 03 May 2024 Netflix

A supernatural horror movie, where Ajay Devgn and R. Madhavan play good and evil spirits respectively. Starting off with a simple trick of hypnotizing- he does this to a teenage girl who live with her family. However, things turn nasty when he orders her to do dangerous stuff and put herself in danger until the family is killed. Every time you see something new, your heart beats faster!

Tattooist of Auschwitz 03 May 2024 Jio Cinema

This Holocaust film, based on Heather Morris’s novel, tells the story of Lale Sokolov- A Slovakian Jew whose duty is to tattoo identification numbers onto prisoners being taken into concentration camps. The movie features his relationships as well as heartbreaking events as seen through his eyes over the years.

The Atypical Family 04 May 2024 Netflix

It will be released on Netflix on May #th .Whereas this fantasy drama series is about a man who has been endowed with the ability to resist his past; however, he can only use it whenever he feels happy. Therefore, today’s stress and depression have taken away its worth just like other members of their family did before him too.Nevertheless since Do Da He came into that house as a young lady; then his power started rejuvenating.

Monsters at Work Season 2 05 May 2024 Disney+ Hotstar

An animated adventure comedy series that is loved by most of you! Its second season is coming up and Mechanic Tylor Tuskmon might have some new members or want to increase his rank in Monsters Inc., again? Whatever for which reason- we are prepared for viewing adorable people working at Monsters Inc., having funs inside no-peopled world unlike ours we always get lost in due to their funny antiques. Therefore, ready to watch this adorable animated series that is also rated 7 on IMDb?

Bridgerton Season 3 16 May 2024 Netflix

Bridgerton- a romance drama which is set in a historic fairytale world- no kidding! It’s about Bridgerton family consisting of eight children—each looking for true love in their lives. Well, the third season will continue the story and bring new love stories to you. There are 8 episodes in the third season that will be released in two parts- first four episodes will be released on May 16th while others are going to be out by June 13th,2024.
Are you addicted to OTT platforms watching shows and series all the time? Then remember to set it so that you do not miss any one of them.

Part of me is hoping one of the people involved see's this or has info I can use to get more information
Whenever I recollect this to my parents they both say they had zero knowledge about what went on. When I was in 1st grade (2003-2004?)I was called aside from class and taken to a separate administrative room used for extended care. This was a small private roman Catholic pre-k-8th grade school that is part of the South Bay area diocese. I don't remember which teacher or staff member brought me over but I was in the room with two other class mates who I'll call AM and AF (their names both started with "A" one was male and the other female). We were introduced to two college students from a local university which was either San Jose State or Stanford. I maybe wrong but those two stick out the most from what I remember. When the study began we were asked to choose our a toy from a shelf. After we took turns telling a story about an argument or figuring out a conflict. Those details I can't remember as it's been around 20 years since. When I went to college for psych I learned this is often a tactic similar to that used when kids have been SA'd. As far as I know I was never a victim but the common denominator was that we were part of broken house holds. AM was being raised by his mom while his dad was in prison, I was never told why and never asked. AF told me her dad broke up with her mom because he realized he was gay. My parents were in the middle of a divorced because my dad was a violent alcoholic. My main concern behind all this is that no one actually consented or informed and that this was potentially used as data for something more important. I basically feel gas lit about this ever happening as I fell out of touch whith either classmate and my parents never gave consent for me to be part of this. I don't trust the diocese to give accurate info on this. The school was shady; like it took parents complaining to hang up my graduating class picture in the hall. They completely skipped out class graduating on a wall of class photos that spaned 2 decades. Back in 3rd grade a piece came out in the local paper that the diocese allowed a convicted sex offender to volunteer at around 3 local schools withing the diocese including mine. I definitely came in contact with "Jim" and remember him attempting to groom girls in my class with small gifts.

I've just read her long-ass chapter in KoD describing her day to day life as a "prisoner" in the white tower and it makes me think she could be T'Averen.
Think on others things she's done or have happened to her in previous books.

• she is one of the strongest female channelers
• she's the first true dreamer in centuries
• uncovers a bunch of new/old weaves (with the help of moggy tho obv
• is incredibly strong in earth and can make ceundillar instantly
• she a) becomes the youngest ever Amyrlin Seat, b) avoids being a puppet to the Aes Sedai that put her there c) Gareth Bryne and a bunch of Aes Sedai swear fealty d) maneuvers the Aes sedai to give her basically absolute power in war.
• when captured by the tower Aes Sedai she avoids being birched/hung/stilled
• stands up to and treats Aes Sedai in the tower with disrespect and only gets off with a trip to the mistress of novices.

I feel like if any other person tried to do what shes done they'd be killed or stilled VERY quickly
And I bet in later books even more happens that can only be described as Taveren work

There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.

There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.

There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.