Ideas for student made compound machines

Version 9 is not hard for me, but my school is run by idiots. Is anyone else made to write 40+ page unit plans??? They want entire lesson plans with everything meticulously written out and explained step-by-step for every single lesson of the term. Just wondering who else has psychotic admin who micromanage them like they’re professors and we’re just here as their uni students.

Hello everyone,
I'm having a major issue with a client of a customer. Every time I open a certain Project with Trimble Scan Viewer, they crash. The affected applications include Trimble Scan Explorer and Vectorworks 2022. Here are some details from the Event Viewer:
APPCRASH: Trimble Scan Explorer
Faulting application name: Trimble Scan Explorer.exe
Version: 1.10.0.1091
Faulting module: RWSCore_x64.dll
Exception code: c00000fd
Fault offset: 000000000073af87
APPCRASH: Vectorworks 2022
Faulting application name: Vectorworks2022.exe
Version: 27.0.6.0
Faulting module: libcef.dll
Exception code: 80000003
Fault offset: 0000000002be2b49
BEX64: Explorer
Faulting application name: explorer.exe
Version: 10.0.19041.4355
Faulting module: KERNELBASE.dll
Exception code: c0000409
Fault offset: 000000000012d332
Additional context:

• This issue only happens with a specific project in Trimble Scan Viewer.
• The problem does not occur with other projects on the same device.
• Other users in the office can open the project without issues.
• The problematic project works fine on other computers.
• The Machine has enough free RAM, the processor is good enough, it includes a rtx2080 and enough space on the Hard Drive

I have already tried:

• Updating Windows and the applications to the latest versions.
• Temporarily disabling antivirus software.
• Checking system files with sfc /scannow.
• Reinstalling the affected programs.
• Running memory and disk diagnostics.

Unfortunately, nothing has worked so far.
Do you have any tips or ideas on how I can resolve this issue? Thank you in advance for your help!

I've been investing in real estate for over five years, consistently seeing reasonable returns. I always reinvest most of my earnings, keeping the momentum going. Although I'm not the best storyteller, I'll do my best to explain how I diversified my investments.
About a year ago, a lady responded to a Reddit post on my old account and introduced me to exchange rate investing. The concept intrigued me. Essentially, instead of doubling your money by investing domestically, you invest in companies in developing countries, where the potential returns can be significantly higher. You can also negotiate better terms.
Following her advice, I decided to invest $20,000 in a promising tech company based in South Africa. Given the exchange rate, my investment translated to approximately R300,000 ZAR. I was able to negotiate a deal that pays me $10,000 per month for 32 months. The company, led by an ambitious 18-year-old entrepreneur, showed immense potential. He had been developing his business idea since he was 16, and his presentation during our Zoom meeting was impressive. We still keep in touch occasionally.
May marks the 13th payment I've received from this investment, and the returns have been consistently rewarding. This approach is reminiscent of how prominent figures like Bill Gates fund innovative companies in Africa, recognizing the region's potential and talent.
To get started with such investments, you typically need a minimum of $1,000, or about 18,000 ZAR. Encouraged by my success, I expanded my portfolio and invested in ten other companies with significant potential. Recently, my financial advisor informed me that, after taxes, I've made $10 million from these investments. (Real estate and companies in South Africa.)
Now, I'm contemplating whether to share this news with my family and how best to celebrate this achievement. Any suggestions?
To the reddit lady, thank you! I lost my old account.

post was originally made January 16th, 2029
Welcome to Occupy Silicon Valley!
Welcome to the Occupy Silicon Valley subreddit! This is your digital gathering place for all discussions, ideas, and actions aimed at curbing the overreach of Big Tech and advocating for a future where technology serves the people, not the other way around. Our movement began in 2029 in response to the increasingly alarming influence of tech giants over our lives and societies. We are a collective of concerned citizens, tech industry workers, activists, and anyone who believes that the unchecked power of Big Tech is a threat to our society. This guide is intended to introduce you to our cause, outline our core demands, and provide you with the resources and information you need to get involved.We are united by our desire to reclaim our digital rights, restore our privacy, and ensure that technology enhances, rather than undermines, our human values and freedoms.
Our Mission
Occupy Silicon Valley aims to challenge and dismantle the dominance of tech giants and promote a vision of technology that serves the public good. We believe in a future where technology enhances human well-being, respects privacy, and fosters ethical innovation. Below are our ten key demands that form the foundation of our movement:
Our 10 Demands
Through a democratic voting process within our community, we have established ten core demands that encapsulate our mission and vision for a fairer, more equitable digital future:
1. Reverse Trump Era Policing Laws:
Our primary demand is the reversal of the draconian laws passed by the former Trump administration in 2025. These laws have significantly eroded data privacy and transformed the United States into a surveillance state, prioritizing the interests of Silicon Valley's Big Tech companies over the rights and freedoms of citizens.
2. Universal Right to Privacy:
We demand the enactment of stringent digital privacy laws that guarantee the right to personal data privacy for all citizens. Everyone should have control over their personal information and how it is used.
3. Ban on Surveillance Capitalism:
We call for the outlawing of business models that rely on the collection and sale of personal data. Companies like Google and Meta should not profit from the exploitation of our personal information.
4. Break Up Big Tech:
We advocate for the enforcement of antitrust laws to dismantle tech giants into smaller, independent entities. This will ensure fair competition and prevent monopolistic practices that stifle innovation and exploit consumers.
5. Public Accountability Mechanisms:
It is imperative to establish independent bodies to hold tech companies accountable for ethical violations and misconduct, especially given the recent scandals involving private data leaks in the public school system. These bodies should have the authority to investigate and penalize unethical practices in the tech industry.
6. Ethical AI Standards:
We demand mandatory ethical standards and oversight for all AI development. Severe penalties should be imposed for violations to prevent misuse of AI technologies that can harm individuals and society.
7. Job Protection Policies:
Legislation is needed to protect jobs threatened by AI and automation. This includes implementing paid retraining programs for displaced workers to ensure they can transition to new employment opportunities.
8. Public Health Campaigns:
We advocate for government-funded initiatives to raise awareness about the mental and physical health impacts of excessive screen time and pod time. Policies should encourage or even mandate digital detox periods in schools and workplaces. Additionally, long-term health impact studies should be mandatory for new technologies before they are widely adopted.
9. Tech Transparency:
Tech companies must provide mandatory transparency reports detailing their data practices, AI algorithms, and content moderation policies. This will help ensure that these companies operate with accountability and integrity.
10. Tech for Public Good:
We support incentives for developing technologies that address societal challenges such as healthcare, education, and environmental sustainability. Technology development should prioritize human well-being and social good over profit.
Getting Involved
Your involvement is crucial to the success of our movement. Here’s how you can participate:

• Stay Informed: Keep up to date with the latest news and discussions on our subreddit. Knowledge is power!
  
• Share Your Ideas: Post your thoughts, suggestions, and solutions. Every voice matters.
  
• Organize and Participate: Join local and online events, protests, and campaigns. Unity and collective action are our strongest tools.
  
• Educate Others: Spread the word about our movement and its goals. The more people understand the issues at hand, the stronger our movement will become.
  
• Advocate for Change: Contact your local representatives, participate in public consultations, and use social media to raise awareness about our demands.
  

Community Guidelines
To maintain a constructive and respectful environment, please adhere to the following guidelines:

• Respect: Treat all members with respect, even if you disagree with their views.
  
• Use a VPN: make sure you are using a VPN when engaging with the community in order to protect people's identities, as there has been evidence of malicious government actors going after some of our organizers recently.
  
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-Verify Information: Ensure that any information you share is accurate and from reliable sources.

• Be Constructive: Aim to contribute positively to discussions and debates.

Thank you for being a part of Occupy Silicon Valley. Together, we can create a future where technology serves humanity, respects our rights, and enhances our lives. Let's reclaim our digital world!

I am 1st gen law student and I studying in tier 3 clg and I need some guidance
1) how do I know that I am made for law and when did you realised that this is your true calling 2) how do you keep your mind stable in this proffesion due to uncertainty of money 3) how did you got clients for litigation/ those who have law firm how did you got clients 4) what mistakes most lawyers do due to which they don't get success 5)those who are in tier 1 law firms with tier 3 clg how did you achieved that .. how many years after clg did it took ... What was your journey 6) what does it mean to be skilled does it mean that you should have deep knowledge of law, good communication skills , understanding of procedures of court anything else... I believe the more cases I do the more better will I became but how to get that initial 10-20 clients
And my success defination is earning 1.5-2lpm

I need some help!
I’m 3 years into a postdoc and, despite a concrete opportunity of becoming a PI in a couple of years max, I would like to transition to the pharma industry. I am sick and tired of the perverse incentives that control academic life, and I want to do something that gives me the impression of having a real-world impact.
I am however a bit lost when it comes to understanding what suits best my heterodox profile. I’d love if you could help me out in understanding which positions would give me the best chance at landing a job and actually enjoying it.
This is my profile:
- I am an M.D., but after graduating I have only ever done basic research.

• The only clinical research experience that I have is writing a clinical trial (MD thesis) that got approved but never actually started.

- My broad area of research/expertise is neuroscience. To be more specific I am an in vivo electrophysiologist.
- Despite my background, what I am best at (and what I enjoy the most in my current job) is not doing experiment but data analysis and theoretical/computational work. I’m in between experimental and computational neuroscience. I am advanced in signal processing, statistics, ML and proficient in several programming languages.
- I have team management experience: I supervise 3 x PhD and 2 x master students. I am the senior author on one published paper and two more that will be submitted within the year.
Charactepersonal preferences:
- I’m an extrovert and a very communicative person. I'm independent and low maintenance.
- I like to manage a team. I understand that I probably won't have the chance to start out in such a position, but eventually I want to get there
- For family reasons (2x kids and a wife with a demanding job), I don’t want to travel too much and I don’t want to have crazy working hours

• I'd really appreciate if the new position valued my analytical skills

Here come the doubts.
My first instinct was to search for a senior R&D scientist position, but my skills seem to be too niche for that to be a realistic option. Am I missing something?
I have thought of something purely data-related, but I think that my resume is (on paper) too weak to compute with people with a CS/Math/Stats background. I also definitely want to remain close to my area of expertise (pharma, biotech, medtech) and not get a generic data science job.
I thought of CRA or MSL, but I struggle to understand if my profile is a fit for those positions or not. Do I need to get some clinical research experience first?
Maybe real-world evidence?

What do y’all think? Any suggestions regarding my ideas? Any potentially interesting position that I haven’t thought of?
I appreciate any input.

Tl;dr experimental/computational postdoc with team management experience unsure which pharma role best fits my skills.

Hi, I made a PyQt6 onefile app with PyInstaller and want to distribute it for Windows and MacOS. Is making a virtual machine for each OS and building it on them the best way, or are there better alternatives?

This upcoming chapter reveals that Todo has gotten some major upgrades to his Boogie Woogie basically making his Technique a more broken version of what it used to be.
Todo has now gotten a cursed tool on his arm that can now increase the range of his technique along with the amount of swaps per usage (meaning he can swap multiple objects at the same time with a bigger range)
This was revealed to be a binding vow, since he can only use his technique through a tool, but in return the technique itself has evolved into special grade level type brokeness.
This is a major deal, since Boogie Woogie could only swap two People\Objects at the same time before. Now it can swap multiple objects within a single clink in a much larger range.
This made it possible for Todo to save the rest of the sorcerers from Kamino within Sukunas domain all at once.

• This is also the first time in the battle against the students where Sukuna is genuinely disoriented and has no means to pinpoint Todo and his technique and is getting demolished with no way to counter.

This means that Boogie Woogie has now become a technique that no sorcerer will be able to counter if the King of curses himself can't even find a way to deal with it.

• Todo is basically untouchable and can create disorder around any opponent without any way of them to follow his movements becouse of the increased range of the technique along with more objects getting swapped within a single time.

Special grades like Sukuna, Maki, Yuta and even Gojo would have no way to keep track of the constant switching and overall disorder of boogie Woogie paired with Todos intelligence.
We see that once Sukuna knows Todo switches Yuji to attack Sukuna once Yujis focus has reached its peak, Todo notices this and decides not to switch Yuji to further trick Sukuna.
In addition to the technique being hard to follow, Todo can throw you off even more by not using the technique AT ALL.
The only way any sorcerer would be able to counter Todo is within a domain (which Sukuna does end up trying to do, but gets stopped by Yuji).
Todo even gets complimented by Sukuna for being the worst person to deal with and credits his fighting style as incredibly hard to follow or even counter even without with the major buffs to Boogie Woogie.
If Todo (Despite already being a Tanky fighter) can improve his martial arts and Cursed energy reinforcement even more, than he for sure can easily clasify as Special Grade along with Boogie Woogie
Boogie Woogie is now broken, and now can be used to not only cause havoc and confusion on the opponent, but can be used for MANY creative ways to just cause MAYHEM in a manor of a second.
In the end, losing an arm has given him the biggest power boost in the series TO DATE since Gojos awakening (In terms of technique growth) - Its understandable why Gege was saving Todo until now.
Boogie Woogie is now a special grade level technique.
https://preview.redd.it/m0scgpqn5z0d1.png?width=1400&format=png&auto=webp&s=cdf96c3b5d86c52e4d1e3bdba1f95d23210cb99c
https://preview.redd.it/vasb5t3p5z0d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=ed6fb5603125b036eb015d16ded061fa5239e5b3
https://preview.redd.it/ylhz604q5z0d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=0a8d2f468448365c149d2711dfb4d129e0a9d45f
https://preview.redd.it/5eupuz3r5z0d1.png?width=816&format=png&auto=webp&s=d0950905bb58d0ee96645dc72fdd07ceacc14ffc
https://preview.redd.it/pq4gj2e26z0d1.png?width=1600&format=png&auto=webp&s=a49c8a41a669deb07d29466c8871fd3267645cc7

I used to fall in this idea that blocking someone you disagree with shows im wrong with my opinion or that i should be able to debate with a redditor till we find an agreement. However ive started to see blocking a user is perfectly fine option.
Reddit is a anonymous online forum. People say the wildest shit and face no repercussions. They also arnt truthful usually adding in lies or being argumentative to make the OP look bad or stupid rather than counter the point. Many times arguments are made in bad faith where the redittor wants justification for their behaviour e.g. porn addiction so will involve dumb humour to garner support rather than say anything valid.
Theres also the issue of bots and shills which i wont go into as that can get into conspiracy territory but i think we can all agree we arnt always talking to another normal person all the time. So again arguing a point doesnt help you. Its also good in that you dont find content you dislike or feel unhappy about. This does mean you create an echochamber around yourself but i think you already have an issue if most of your interactions with talking to people is from an online forum.
TLDR: Stop wasting time arguing on reddit or hate scrolling, just block those users and enjoy the content you do like.

Two weeks ago we took our 10 month baby on a trip to Asia, which is a ~15hr time difference from home. We just got back Monday night and every night has been absolute shit. Prior to this trip, our baby wasn’t sleep trained but she learned quickly to sleep independently at 3 months and slept through the night most nights.
Starting from Monday night, she’d go to bed at around 7:30-8:30pm and would go down fine. She’s usually pretty tired by then and as soon as we put her down, she just rolls over and sleeps. But so far every night since Monday she’d wake up at 11pm-12am and will REFUSE to sleep until 4am, on the dot. As I’m typing this, it’s currently 3:56am and she finally stopped making noise but I think it’s because my husband is sleeping on the floor next to her crib…
(On our trip, I had to sleep in the same bed as her just because of the way our room was set up. At home she sleeps on a crib in her own room. I don’t know if she’s gotten used to it or developed a preference but now she cries so hard when we try putting her down in the crib and we leave.)
We’ve tried sticking to her schedule and give her enough outside time. We spent majority of her wake windows outside today but I don’t think tonight was any better.
I don’t know what else to do. There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. My husband and I are at our breaking point. We cried together because we tried to let baby cio but it’s too heartbreaking, she has never cried that hard before. But as soon as we go in and comfort her, she starts giggling and babbling.
From the moment she wakes up, we try to comfort her and soothe her back to sleep and she’ll even seem tired. She’ll yawn and rub her eyes, starts blinking very slowly and opening her eyes only slightly. But then she starts getting irritated and will begin crying. Wtf is happening?? This cycle has been repeated so many times throughout the night, I don’t know what to do. Please help😞
Also want to add that while on our trip, baby girl has slept through the night every single night. Her schedule was perfect and I honestly didn’t even think much of it because that was just the schedule we had back at home. She took her naps right on time every single time and also never once woke up at night for a feeding. (This might be because I co slept with her but she also didn’t experience any jet lag in general while we were there.) so I’m sure y’all can see how jarring this has been for us, since she’s always been so good with sleep.
I feel awful for having done this to her. I wish we never made this trip. And as amazing as her schedule had been, it just wasn’t worth it. Traveling with kids is hardly a vacation and I’m just wondering why I even thought this would be a good idea. My relatives back home kept saying how brave I was for taking my baby on a flight and kept commenting on how they couldn’t believe how punctual baby was with her schedule. There were times where they witnessed me putting baby to sleep and only needing 5 minutes. I really thought this was a sign that I’d be able to travel more with my baby cuz I was blessed to have such an easygoing baby but now I feel so silly for thinking this way. I just feel so terrible about everything, including my husband. He was supportive of us going on this trip even though I knew he didnt want to go.

...slip right through Q's fingers.
If he had played his idol correctly, and idoled out the biggest threat of the game Charlie, in front of THREE other people on that jury who also went home with idols, would that not have sent him straight to the top of the game? Getting Charlie out was Maria's move, but IDOLING Charlie out would be incontrovertibly Q's move, and he could defend that at FTC by saying it was his idea to play it, and Maria had no clue everyone was voting for Q.
His two biggest detractors were Liz and Ben. He could have found a way to maybe get them at the FTC with him to both rob them of their votes against him in the jury, AND sit next to them with their total non-games and easily get the most votes to win. Even if he was sitting next to Maria, she wouldn't be able to claim Charlie's blindside, and she would still have soured everyone with her rock paper scissors bit.
I mean, he obviously did not have a winners edit, but that's just because he didn't win! If he had won, who knows how good his edit would have been? I guess you can say Q really just made a large error.
A pretty sizeable mishap.

If you ask me, This AHS "dismantling" will go the same as the Dynalife fiasco. Not to reveal who I am, but I know there are whispers that this is going to be a nothing burger. Smith and UCP know one thing. Alberta Health Services is too big. It probably won't stop them. but the thing is, Nothing can replace it. even a privatized option. They're going to make a huge stink and just quietly go back.
They only do this 1. because they are greedy, and 2. David Parker and his merry band of "Flu Trucks Clan" threw a temper tantrum all because didn't want a vaccine so they forced parental rights so that all children couldn't get them, so he took over an already corrupt party.
We can sit all day, and bitch and moan about how we're all "doomed" blah blah blah. but I'll ask you this When the Sask Party was screwing over public education in Saskatchewan, Did those teachers stand by and Take it. No, they got loud. and you can see they are doing a great job spreading their message. When COVID-19 vaccines rolled out and those idiots in trucks felt the world was doomed and their "freedom" was being taken away, NO they got in their trucks and told everyone how they felt. Did David Parker give up when the UCP was falling when Kenny was mishandling COVID-19? No, he got a group of rednecks and Now we are here.
If we want to keep our jobs, If we want better, We need to speak up. We need a Strike. We need to get loud!
We live in a post-truth world and RN the general public has 0 idea what is going on, and most don't know what is going on. at worst people are falling for propaganda. We need to start getting loud!
Alberta, is not perfect, in fact in recent years, I think it's no longer the same Province I grew up in. But it doesn't matter.
Alberta Health Services isn't a school, it's not a laboratory, AHS is a service that millions rely on TO SURVIVE. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE IF THEY FUCK THIS UP! WITCH THEY WILL, KNOWING THE UCP TRACK RECORD OF INCOMPOTENCE!
Idk about you, but I am not gonna let this happen. if so, We will be DAMN SURE we are heard.
Contact any unions, educate coworkers, Heck educate patients too. I know this is a conservative province, but people are open to hearing our side. I know in recent years the anti-vax/freedom people and Pundits have made it seem like that's not the case but there are still sane people here. I think the best place to start is this.
https://www.enoughisenoughucp.ca/ This is happening on the 25th. Let's get organized, lets get loud!

Not a student here. I’ve been working for 10 years. But not long enough to see the shifts in the industry happen. For that, I would need at least 70 yoe.
This is my question, we’re compensation packages more favorable back in the day? Surely yes. But I don’t know the full history.
I’ve never been strongly pro-unionizing, but maybe we should. Here is my problem. My dad does home installs and he told me about one of his clients this week. The guy has Porsche GT2RS money. And McLaren money. Fucking guy sells bolts. Sells hardware to people needing to repair airplanes. Then my best friend from highschool who never graduated college sells air conditioning. He makes almost twice what I make. And I make over $200k in salary.
I think the issue is we have been stripped of all ownership rights to our designs. I have been the lead designer of camera equipment, industrial drones, consumer medical devices, and now commercial pharmaceutical manufacturing equipment. And you know the people that sold the shit I designed probably made way more than I did. I get it, I was young and people took advantage. But now that I have a strong portfolio of successful products, I want to be sure I get mine.
I feel like maybe in the past I would have been able to keep my parent rights and gotten royalties.
After this project, I want to be sure I don’t get screwed again. You just know the people selling this instrument are gonna be making Porsche money. Makes me want to take my ball and go home.

Hello, I hope you have a good day.
These days, I have been turning over an idea in my mind, which I have been thinking about a lot and which has ended up giving rise to this idea of a magic system, which I have named Tulmaterium. I like to know our opinions about this idea :D
Mechanisc
The idea of this magic system is that some people that they born with the ability of access to this magic, called Thulmatists, have the power to create, with their energy magic(called Essence), a material that dont exist in the nature. Because they are materials that should not exist, they disintegrate over time (the speed of the process depends on how much mass of this substance has been created), unless they are supplied with essence in a good quantity or continuously.
This materials are unnatural because they have stranges properties to their phisical state or dont obey the natural laws of the element that they are associating(Every imaginary material have asocciate a natural element, like air, dust, water, among others.) In addition, each material can generate a different magic effect, that only manifests if the user add some magic energy to the material with the intention to use this power(not in all cases, but it applies in most of the materials.
Furthermore, all users of said magic are recognizable by certain traits in their being that can be associated with the element to which they were born associated. For example, those who can create the material of air may have hair that moves as if there is always wind blowing it or their way of walking is as if they are light as the wind.
Powers
In this systems, exists only 8 elements, with one imaginary material associates. This elements are:
Air: This element allows their users to create a gas similar to a dense mist, pink in color with orange touches like the sunset. It behaves the same as fog but, if exposed to a source of ultraviolet rays, such as direct sunlight, it undergoes an almost instantaneous and very violent expansion (in open areas it is harmless except for the change in pressure, but in closed places can be as strong as an explosion).
the magical power allows the user to alter the light that passes through the fog, creating visual illusions, making whoever enters invisible or altering the shape of the gas so that it acts as a lens that concentrates or disperses the light (in the first case creating a similar but more powerful effect of the reflection of light in the mirror)
Dust:
The material of this element are a type of dark sand, like the one present on volcanic beaches, but with a strange metallic shine when it spreads or forms sheets.
Its only strange property is that, with enough magic and time, it can be used to create black crystals that do not disappear over time, but lose their ability to use their magic power. Of course, when reacting with magic, they emit an iridescent and flowing glow, like the shine of tar, but more powerful and long-lasting.
The magical power are the ability to manipulate the sand to alter its consistency, making it denser or more fluid, or act as a filter or insulator for one element or another through the structures that you can use to manipulate it.
Water:
The substance is similar to water in aspect, except for it have a intense light blue color and more viscosity. The strange property that It has is that it is a very reactive substance, even being capable of damaging glass and slightly some metals that support chemical reactions, such as platinum. Of course, other imaginary materials and living beings, due to their essence, are more resistant to this effect, although not immune.
The magic power that it grants is the ability, by mixing the appropriate components inside, the user can use the liquid to alter said components, obtaining the molecule or alloy that the user desires from them. Of course, the process completely consumes the imaginary substance.
Oil:
The substance is a type of biofuel in aspect and properties, but with a remarkable purple color. And, like the fuels, are very flammable(similar to gasoline) and produce, in contact with the aire, a strange slag layer made of solidified air components (like O2, CO2, water vapor, among others) as a gelatinous mass.
the magic power is the ability to increase the power of the magic powers of other users that they are sprinkled with that oil and the user of the oil has applied his power to them.
Rock:
This material can be created in form of small balls of gold rocks with cracks through which a reddish glow is emitted, like a broken and lit coal in a fireplace. Despite their appearance, the heat they emit is only a couple of degrees higher than that of the human body.
The magic power of this material only activate when someone eat one of this balls, causing, upon reaching his stomach, the material to begin to emit controlled heat and cause a temporary alteration of his body in the user, who develops small rocky patterns on his skin and his eyes become intense as fathoms. This transformation consumes the essence that the living being possesses by virtue of being a living being and multiplies it, turning it into an improvement in its physical and mental capabilities.
Of course, consuming more spheres does not give you more power, but rather it lengthens the time that the ability remains active (although the effects later are worse when they are exhausted, since more than three or four continuous spheres can leave someone on the brink of death. a normal human)
Metal:
This material is a liquid metal, like the mercury, but less poisonous, more cohesive and a deep red color, like intense fire. The magic power are the ability to generate magnetic fields, both inside the metal (to alter its shape at will) and outside the metal (used to push other nearby metals or levitate the metallic substance).
Vegetable material:
This material is a strange green substance, contained in a wooden shell of white, brown and red colors, as well as covered with several spikes.
Its magical power allows, through an infinitely replicable process, to store and extract essence from the greenish substance, which acts as a portable warehouse for it. The curious thing is that, if the essence reserve is left full, but nothing is extracted for several days, the material will consume said energy to grow in size and change to resemble a growing tree.
If this process is repeated several times, in a few years you can have trees of this substance almost ten meters high and several meters long. In this state, touching the leaves of said plant allows energy to be transferred or extracted, its storage now being equivalent to that of the magical energy of tens of thousands of people or thousands of users.
Animal material:
This substance is similar to a white gelatin, inside which an incredible amount of amoeba-like microorganisms is stored. These are harmless to living beings, although they require nutrients and magical energy to stay alive.
Its magical ability allows the user to generate, from the available nutrients, any biological component (biotoxins, hormones, proteins, fats and so on) that the user desires, as long as the user knows its exact chemical composition and can maintain contact and the organisms that produce it are well nourished.
These same microorganisms can also be applied to a wound or in a sterilized space to cause them to undergo a conversion, going from their original form to becoming cells of the chosen living being. With this, wounds can be sealed or even organs can be created from scratch, as long as the user knows what their structure is like and the cells that should form it and in what order they should be placed.
And this is the whole system, I'm sorry it's been so long. I hope to know what you think about this and I would like to hear any suggestions or ideas :D
I hope you have a good day

I made it to the top of two high places and was strongly considering jumping. I sat at one place a while and then music was playing and some people were there. It’s weird how easy it seemed until I considered 1) what would happen if I survived and ended up unable to keep trying to end it or unable to really do much other than be kept alive by machines and other people… 2) I felt bad for the bystanders and didn’t want to ruin their day 3) the guilt/shame over not leaving a note for the family and friends who have done their best to support me even after my first unsuccessful attempt this year. I didn’t leave any note the first time and my affairs are far from being in order. So I came back home but I told absolutely nobody what had happened or where I’d been. I think I may never tell them because they don’t want to hear more of my complaining about how unbearable life is since I have privileges I just have crippling anxiety and health issues and no real sense of self or motivation left.
Anyways does anyone else have an experience of failing at a first attempt and currently considering another one but being too wrapped up in all the fears and confusions about it? I’m safe at home rn so dw if I don’t post for a while I’m not planning to hurt myself today.

So one random day about 2 years ago a random Turkish Facebook account messaged me and started calling me, at first i thought it was some scammer but turned out to be just 2 chicks messing around and i just played along with it. With one of them i just started talking and we kind of clicked, but I've never taken it too seriously, this is the main girl, we'll call her H. To be completely honest i was just a trash guy that felt nothing towards H, however she fell for me and really started caring about me. H sent me nudes, as she said for the first time in her life and she was the initiator of all conversations. Looking back it feels like H always was head over heels in love with me without ever seeing me.
Fast forward about a year and a half, i started gaining a liking towards H as well, we started video calling like every evening. She would get mad when i chose gaming with the boys or going out and not gave time to her, it was really wholesome and one evening she surprised me, she told me that she got accepted into an Erasmus program in Italy, she was finally coming to Europe and we can meet each other. Honestly - I didn't believe that we would ever meet at first, but i started asking her around about her past relationships just feeling out her.
So allegedly H had one past relationship with a Spanish guy it was long distance as well, we'll call him M. She was madly in love with him, they've met in Istanbul once, only had two "very romantical kisses" and nothing else, yes she's still a virgin. That relationship ended abruptly when M's brother found out about that and apparently M was engaged and had a fiancé. H was absolutely heart broken, M's brother called her, started calling her names and told her the full story. She felt betrayed, lost and fell into a deep depression. This is a year before me and her started talking at all.
She came to Italy, everything was fine, she'd tell me about all the people she would meet, tell me about guys that were into her, honestly nothing out of the ordinary, because she is really beautiful and has this calm and collected aura around her. But what bothered me - she would tell me when she found guys handsome. The weird things started happening from then on, since she was Muslim in Italy was the first time she tried alcohol and there were a couple of club nights where she got so wasted she couldn't remember the night before, but she was always with a friend of hers that i trusted and that knew about our relationship, lets call her B.
There was one time that she went out to the club with her student friends and an incident happened - a guy left a hickey on her neck. She told me that while crying the next morning and she told me that it was abrupt and she didn't realize that that was happening, allegedly she was just dancing in the club with him, not romantically she said and he just went in for it from behind her. Allegedly she pulled him off with B and B told him "she's not a girl like that". H came out to me, told me everything about it, i trusted in her that that was a dumb mistake.(Remembering this now kind of makes me feel mad for not giving this that much thought)
Everything turned out ok, we continued talking, no more incidents happened, i didn't shit on her for that incident and i was happy that she was honest and actually as a person that has been more years in relationships in my life than not - i communicated from the beginning that honesty and truthfulness is my top priority in a partner. Honestly i was even a little snake in terms of that i never told her anything i didn't like that she said from the fear that she would close up. So i don't think i created an atmosphere where there would be a motive to keep any secrets, no matter what happened.
We continued talking and H kept pushing me to come to Italy and i will admit - that was way beyond my comfort zone, i told her that i would and that i need time to organize things. Things took a while and eventually she said "i'm sick of waiting, i'm coming to Lithuania myself". And guess what, she bought the tickets with a weeks notice for me. She was coming with her friend B that i had to drive to Latvia for her to meet up with her other friends. Basically after day 2 there would only be the 2 of us left, just me and H.
The day comes and i drive to pick them up from the airport i was anxious and nervous as shit. She comes out of the airport running to me, hugged me for a long time and it felt good. That's when i realized that i really like this girl. But i still have my doubts, i still think of the different cultures, how would she talk to my mother if we ever get married, what culture would our children be, how would i talk to her parents? Basically i didn't see long term viable at that point, in this i'm a piece of shit, because she was in this state of delusion that i'm her everything and i'm her last man ever.
So we live together for that week, we have good adventures, i show her and her friend around the city, outside of the city, they love everything, they're super happy. At night me and H are in the same bed, we kiss and it gets naughty, but at the back of my head i have this guilt of not seeing a future with H, so i don't commit to taking her virginity and we play around with everything around it and she was passionate as shit.
The time i spent with her was very lovely, it was honestly so refreshing and it kind of brought a new light for me, i started imagining the future together but still with many doubts. It is time for her to leave, she's clinged on to me, doesn't want to let me go, is really sad that she has to leave, but eventually she does and she has to leave to Berlin to live there.
Everything was fine, one night i went to play pool with a buddy that lives in the UK, for context he used to date a Chinese girl, we got a little drunk and high and i started talking about H, told him all my doubts and he kind of debunked them with his prior relationship. He basically left me feeling like maybe i should commit to H. He outlined that i do have a lot of prior trauma due to having so many relationships, having been cheated on, having been left for other men and basically i have a very thick shield and never let anyone close. That is very true and i knew the answer was to try to commit and so quietly i did.
H went to Germany, first she went to a city where her friend lives, they both had a good time, she sent me snaps and kept me updated, it was really nice, we continued calling each other. Now this is where the situation started, when she took the train to Berlin, she came in on Monday. She lived in some sort of camp seemed like, she disappeared for that day, in the evening she tried calling me and i called back in an hour. She looked normal to me and i tried asking her what did you do that day. At first she changed the topic, then i asked again - she said they went on a group trip, it was super fun. Then i asked again what happened, she told me this strange story about a guy that she called handsome to her friend in Turkish and was talking about him a lot. After a while the guy turned around and answered to them in Turkish, which made her feel really bad. Then i asked another time, what happened next - she said she got blackout drunk and doesn't remember anything....
Hmmmm. You got blackout drunk like a couple hours ago and now you seem normal talking to me... Alright, i got my suspicions up and reminded her that honesty is number one for me, she said she understands and is 100% honest with me.
Alright, the next day rolls around, LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY AFTER HONESTY CONVERSATION, she sends me a snap of her having lunch with her friend and some guy. I don't think much of it and in the evening we video call, i ask her about the day and she doesn't say anything about no guy, that is pretty weird knowing her past honesty. I directly confront her about it and tell her "What are you talking about, you sent me a snap with you and him at the table", she starts pulling all sorts of bullshit and says she only took pictures of food and sent me those pictures. Lo and behold the tables are black glass and there's a reflection of a dude sitting on his phone at the table. At first she start pulling more shit "I don't see anyone, maybe it's a waiter, i don't know what you're talking about" and i tell her stop acting stupid.
She then starts crying and says that she promised a friend to keep that guy's presence there a secret. Allegedly he's getting an unlawful marriage with his fiancé that neither his nor his fiancé's parents can know about. Wow, what the actual fuck? Who would've i told, going to lunch with guys in secret is normal? Anyway, i told her that she broke my trust and i'm not sure if there's possibility of recovering this. She started begging while crying and said she'd do anything to fix it and that it was a stupid mistake. Alright, i tell her that it will need time, but that she will have to be 100% honest with me. Another talk about honesty.
Next day rolls around and i'm suspicious, i started checking her instagram activity and snap location(very not healthy, i know). i see instragram last active 7h ago and same in snap, all gucci - she asleep. Next time i check - instagram activity has been turned off and snap last active 9 hours ago? I confront her as soon as she gets on snap, which is about 6 hours from the first check. We call and she says she wasn't on insta and she didn't turn off shit. I asked her to share screen and show me - she was messaging B 5 hours ago :)
So i told her that the first mistake i was willing to work through, even though we had a convo literally a day before it. But now this.... I told her that i can't see me trusting her ever again and now she's crying and begging me for days, she gave me all her social media passwords unasked, she said she can delete everything and disappear from everyone's lives except mine. She's basically non stop begging me for forgiveness and saying she'll do anything to fix it and that she will never forget me if she looses me.
She then proceeded to trauma dump me how her father was never present in her life, she never even touched his hand, how she would get beaten by her father side aunts and grandmother, they allegedly kept her starving while her father was not present. They had to hide food because that would get taken away from them and shit. And call me whatever, but at that point, i heard that voice lying though it's teeth, i just did not know what to trust and if this is a manipulation tactic to become a victim.
So this is the part where i need advice, i left it off by saying we'll be friends from now on, we can keep contact and if you ever earn back my trust maybe something will come of it. But I'm very conflicted, i don't know if i can ever trust her again, her behavior after we met turned really shady. What would you do in this situation? AITAH if i leave her?
I left some context out because it turned out way longer as is, ask in the comments if any questions arise.

Marx in Barbieland
In Greta Gerwig’s ‘Barbie (2023)’, Barbie lives in Barbieland, which is not the ‘real world’. Barbieland is a plastic utopia where every idea of a barbie ever conceived lives as a person. We have a physicist barbie, a physician barbie, a pilot barbie and so on. The protagonist is simply the stereotypical barbie. She is the first barbie ever made whom we shall refer to as Barbie. We also have a barbie in a wheelchair, a fat barbie and a pregnant barbie. But here’s the kicker: in this utopia, we still have a president barbie and a lawyer barbie. This utopia of Barbieland still has courts, court cases and hierarchical governance.
Let’s think about it for a second. Barbieland is a cheerful place where every Barbie has her own home, has infinite supply of food, water and electricity. Some of them have jobs which they enjoy doing and others simply don’t need jobs. All barbies love and support each other except for the weird barbie, who scares them. What are they even arguing about in the court? We never see a police barbie or a soldier barbie, in that case who is upholding the rulings of the court or the laws by the senate? Political power after all flows through the barrel of a gun and there aren’t any guns here.
They all have their own homes, no property disputes. Commodities never expire or get over, hence no production and hence no business disputes. None of them are married, hence no family disputes. There is no money in this world, hence no wage disputes. It is essentially a classless society. Nobody has any reason to go to court against another person. Barbies do not need to steal and there are no murderer barbies.
Despite this, there are courts, lawyers and presidents. The writers must believe that state appartuses are a vital and eternal part of human society. That the state is as necessary to human society as are nurses and cleaners. But is that true? Why do we have these people in the real world whose job is to quell conflicts and maintain order? That is because there exist contradictions in human society. People have opposing interests. More precisely, a nation in today’s world is broadly comprised of two classes who are at odds. Two people sitting across an interview table have opposing interests. One class enjoys higher unemployment since that means cheaper labour while the other is mortified at the thought of losing their livelihood. The state exists to contain the conflict, to keep it in check. It exists to suppress the lower class from revolting or stealing. When you think of a classless society, that tension is gone. That inherent contradiction in the society is gone. Then we should not need a state, a government, courts, the police and the miltary. That’s communism. A classless, moneyless and stateless society.
If Barbieland has state machinery, it should also have a suppressed class. Can it be the kens? I did not mention the kens. The kens are counter-parts to each barbie. They are always at the beach and don’t have special jobs. They are essentially ‘himbos’. The barbies are so busy in their parties that they are not even aware of whether kens have a place to sleep. However, the kens do have voting rights, which they do not apparently exercise. In the opening scene where we see a lawyer barbie make an outstanding speech at the court, we see one ken amongst dozens of barbies. The barbies’ applause at the lawyer’s speech and in general a unity can signify a class unity over the lower ken class.
When Ken travels to the real world and finds that the downtrodden people like kens in Barbieland can actually run the world and do whatever they please; he takes the masculine manifesto with him to Barbieland, unites the other kens in overthrowing the feminine rule and establishing a Kendom where Barbieland once stood.
When Barbie returns to now Kenland, she discovers that the lower ken class has seized the previous owners’ private property such as their dream houses in an apparent revolution and made servants out of the barbies. Then conspiring with two humans, Barbie and the weird barbie make a plan for a coup d’etat. They use two tactics of the ruling classes to achieve this: sowing hatred and division, and voter suppression. They are able to form a majority at the senate and everything magically goes back to normal. Later we see a ken asking whether he can be made a part of the new government, the barbie president tells him that he can have a small administrative role in a corner somewhere.
If you reverse the genders for a bit, it makes a little sense. In a final scene, Ken struggles to know who he is if not attached to Barbie. He has always seen himself through her gaze and does not know how to exist as an independent person. He decides to finally be free from that shackle and find himself along with all the other kens. Barbie on the other hand decides to be a mother. It makes sense because ‘Man’ has been running the world, and ‘woman’ is a secondary gender who is written by men. Women must find themselves not as wo-men but as independent entities, and more men should be able to take up fatherhood as an occupation. But this interpretation may be quite a reach.
What prompted me to write this essay was that the filmmakers could not imagine a utopia without courts and presidents. Who wants to be ruled and governed in their fantasy? You might say that since the president barbie was made by Mattel in the real world, she should also exist in Barbieland and that is why the filmmakers put her there. However, Mattel also gives jobs to kens and they don’t really exist in the movie, so the status quo enforcing barbie was entirely optional for Gerwig.
The end.

Sooooo I'm Level 25 and my Stash is full.
Since I've got a boatload of Ammo already, I added it to the Vending Machine to sell it for 1 Cap each.
I made the Junk into Junkstacks or whatever they're called and sold them to the robot at the Train Station to make up some space.
I place Recipes and Blueprints for 0 Caps in my Vending Machine.
I place Skill Bubblegum and Beverages which do increase some stuff for a few Caps ( like 2-10) into the Vending Machine.
Is this okay, should I up the price or how should I measure the value of stuff? I dont need it so if someone else is happy about it, that's fine for me, basically.

So one random day about 2 years ago a random Turkish Facebook account messaged me and started calling me, at first i thought it was some scammer but turned out to be just 2 chicks messing around and i just played along with it. With one of them i just started talking and we kind of clicked, but I've never taken it too seriously, this is the main girl, we'll call her H. To be completely honest i was just a trash guy that felt nothing towards H, however she fell for me and really started caring about me. H sent me nudes, as she said for the first time in her life and she was the initiator of all conversations. Looking back it feels like H always was head over heels in love with me without ever seeing me.
Fast forward about a year and a half, i started gaining a liking towards H as well, we started video calling like every evening. She would get mad when i chose gaming with the boys or going out and not gave time to her, it was really wholesome and one evening she surprised me, she told me that she got accepted into an Erasmus program in Italy, she was finally coming to Europe and we can meet each other. Honestly - I didn't believe that we would ever meet at first, but i started asking her around about her past relationships just feeling out her.
So allegedly H had one past relationship with a Spanish guy it was long distance as well, we'll call him M. She was madly in love with him, they've met in Istanbul once, only had two "very romantical kisses" and nothing else, yes she's still a virgin. That relationship ended abruptly when M's brother found out about that and apparently M was engaged and had a fiancé. H was absolutely heart broken, M's brother called her, started calling her names and told her the full story. She felt betrayed, lost and fell into a deep depression. This is a year before me and her started talking at all.
She came to Italy, everything was fine, she'd tell me about all the people she would meet, tell me about guys that were into her, honestly nothing out of the ordinary, because she is really beautiful and has this calm and collected aura around her. But what bothered me - she would tell me when she found guys handsome. The weird things started happening from then on, since she was Muslim in Italy was the first time she tried alcohol and there were a couple of club nights where she got so wasted she couldn't remember the night before, but she was always with a friend of hers that i trusted and that knew about our relationship, lets call her B.
There was one time that she went out to the club with her student friends and an incident happened - a guy left a hickey on her neck. She told me that while crying the next morning and she told me that it was abrupt and she didn't realize that that was happening, allegedly she was just dancing in the club with him, not romantically she said and he just went in for it from behind her. Allegedly she pulled him off with B and B told him "she's not a girl like that". H came out to me, told me everything about it, i trusted in her that that was a dumb mistake.(Remembering this now kind of makes me feel mad for not giving this that much thought)
Everything turned out ok, we continued talking, no more incidents happened, i didn't shit on her for that incident and i was happy that she was honest and actually as a person that has been more years in relationships in my life than not - i communicated from the beginning that honesty and truthfulness is my top priority in a partner. Honestly i was even a little snake in terms of that i never told her anything i didn't like that she said from the fear that she would close up. So i don't think i created an atmosphere where there would be a motive to keep any secrets, no matter what happened.
We continued talking and H kept pushing me to come to Italy and i will admit - that was way beyond my comfort zone, i told her that i would and that i need time to organize things. Things took a while and eventually she said "i'm sick of waiting, i'm coming to Lithuania myself". And guess what, she bought the tickets with a weeks notice for me. She was coming with her friend B that i had to drive to Latvia for her to meet up with her other friends. Basically after day 2 there would only be the 2 of us left, just me and H.
The day comes and i drive to pick them up from the airport i was anxious and nervous as shit. She comes out of the airport running to me, hugged me for a long time and it felt good. That's when i realized that i really like this girl. But i still have my doubts, i still think of the different cultures, how would she talk to my mother if we ever get married, what culture would our children be, how would i talk to her parents? Basically i didn't see long term viable at that point, in this i'm a piece of shit, because she was in this state of delusion that i'm her everything and i'm her last man ever.
So we live together for that week, we have good adventures, i show her and her friend around the city, outside of the city, they love everything, they're super happy. At night me and H are in the same bed, we kiss and it gets naughty, but at the back of my head i have this guilt of not seeing a future with H, so i don't commit to taking her virginity and we play around with everything around it and she was passionate as shit.
The time i spent with her was very lovely, it was honestly so refreshing and it kind of brought a new light for me, i started imagining the future together but still with many doubts. It is time for her to leave, she's clinged on to me, doesn't want to let me go, is really sad that she has to leave, but eventually she does and she has to leave to Berlin to live there.
Everything was fine, one night i went to play pool with a buddy that lives in the UK, for context he used to date a Chinese girl, we got a little drunk and high and i started talking about H, told him all my doubts and he kind of debunked them with his prior relationship. He basically left me feeling like maybe i should commit to H. He outlined that i do have a lot of prior trauma due to having so many relationships, having been cheated on, having been left for other men and basically i have a very thick shield and never let anyone close. That is very true and i knew the answer was to try to commit and so quietly i did.
H went to Germany, first she went to a city where her friend lives, they both had a good time, she sent me snaps and kept me updated, it was really nice, we continued calling each other. Now this is where the situation started, when she took the train to Berlin, she came in on Monday. She lived in some sort of camp seemed like, she disappeared for that day, in the evening she tried calling me and i called back in an hour. She looked normal to me and i tried asking her what did you do that day. At first she changed the topic, then i asked again - she said they went on a group trip, it was super fun. Then i asked again what happened, she told me this strange story about a guy that she called handsome to her friend in Turkish and was talking about him a lot. After a while the guy turned around and answered to them in Turkish, which made her feel really bad. Then i asked another time, what happened next - she said she got blackout drunk and doesn't remember anything....
Hmmmm. You got blackout drunk like a couple hours ago and now you seem normal talking to me... Alright, i got my suspicions up and reminded her that honesty is number one for me, she said she understands and is 100% honest with me.
Alright, the next day rolls around, LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY AFTER HONESTY CONVERSATION, she sends me a snap of her having lunch with her friend and some guy. I don't think much of it and in the evening we video call, i ask her about the day and she doesn't say anything about no guy, that is pretty weird knowing her past honesty. I directly confront her about it and tell her "What are you talking about, you sent me a snap with you and him at the table", she starts pulling all sorts of bullshit and says she only took pictures of food and sent me those pictures. Lo and behold the tables are black glass and there's a reflection of a dude sitting on his phone at the table. At first she start pulling more shit "I don't see anyone, maybe it's a waiter, i don't know what you're talking about" and i tell her stop acting stupid.
She then starts crying and says that she promised a friend to keep that guy's presence there a secret. Allegedly he's getting an unlawful marriage with his fiancé that neither his nor his fiancé's parents can know about. Wow, what the actual fuck? Who would've i told, going to lunch with guys in secret is normal? Anyway, i told her that she broke my trust and i'm not sure if there's possibility of recovering this. She started begging while crying and said she'd do anything to fix it and that it was a stupid mistake. Alright, i tell her that it will need time, but that she will have to be 100% honest with me. Another talk about honesty.
Next day rolls around and i'm suspicious, i started checking her instagram activity and snap location(very not healthy, i know). i see instragram last active 7h ago and same in snap, all gucci - she asleep. Next time i check - instagram activity has been turned off and snap last active 9 hours ago? I confront her as soon as she gets on snap, which is about 6 hours from the first check. We call and she says she wasn't on insta and she didn't turn off shit. I asked her to share screen and show me - she was messaging B 5 hours ago :)
So i told her that the first mistake i was willing to work through, even though we had a convo literally a day before it. But now this.... I told her that i can't see me trusting her ever again and now she's crying and begging me for days, she gave me all her social media passwords unasked, she said she can delete everything and disappear from everyone's lives except mine. She's basically non stop begging me for forgiveness and saying she'll do anything to fix it and that she will never forget me if she looses me.
She then proceeded to trauma dump me how her father was never present in her life, she never even touched his hand, how she would get beaten by her father side aunts and grandmother, they allegedly kept her starving while her father was not present. They had to hide food because that would get taken away from them and shit. And call me whatever, but at that point, i heard that voice lying though it's teeth, i just did not know what to trust and if this is a manipulation tactic to become a victim.
So this is the part where i need advice, i left it off by saying we'll be friends from now on, we can keep contact and if you ever earn back my trust maybe something will come of it. But I'm very conflicted, i don't know if i can ever trust her again, her behavior after we met turned really shady. What would you do in this situation?
I left some context out because it turned out way longer as is, ask in the comments if any questions arise.

Hello! I am a extremely new to Unity, but I have made a game and have it working in a build on my mac. I made a build for windows as well, and ported it through a flash drive to two different computers, and it ran on both. However, when I shared the folder that the build made with my friends, both by a link and emailing, they get an error when they run the game exe that says they need the unity dll. The dll was in the folder though, so I am confused as to why this is not working. Does anyone have ideas on how I cold fix this? I plan on turning the windows build folder into an installer via inno compiler later today just to see if that works, but asides from that I am lost.

trigger warning for addiction, suicide, neglect, abuse, drunk driving, pedophilia & probably other things
i dont really know what to do with my parent. currently, I'm kind of stuck with them like i have been my whole life. at least my partner lives with us now and has been an irreplaceable pillar of support, i genuinely dont know if i would have made it without him, not to sound codependent.
my parent struggles a lot with severe depression above all, but also anxiety, adhd, probably bpd (i have it lol) and other things as well. poverty is, of course, the main factor behind it. they have struggled with addiction most of my life, with it worsening severely around when i was in middle school. cigarettes and alcohol were always a daily thing, but it was those years where it became really, really bad. im talking start drinking with their friend (we were always at her house) when they got off work and dont stop until anywhere from 3-7am and it ended in screaming match arguments with said friend. the friend had a kid of her own, and i did my best to protect him from that, including introjecting in fights that his mom and dad would get into with him. my parent just let it all happen and excused their friend time and time again. meanwhile, they would drive me around blackout drunk, get angry and threaten me at random, and personally witnessed me fall to the hands of pedophiles and did nothing but laugh about it (much later on, after i briefly alluded to having been groomed, they went on to say"if i had known...", lol. but hey, maybe between all the booze, the memories just got lost). they watched and allowed a middle aged man to prey on me when i was 12 at a bar they took me to; allowed/ignored it bc they were jealous since they had a crush on him, even after i begged them to let me leave. i eventually became pretty numb to it all.
we were homeless for a bit. if you include being forced to share a bedroom and live with family because we couldnt afford our own place, it was more like 4 years. but that happens, uncontrollably, thats fine. i would later hear them talk about how they drafted up their suicide note and made preparations to commit during that time. some time around then, they sustained a head injury after falling while drunk, and i thought i had watched them die in my arms. i screamed at and hit them. it was an extra shame, because i had just started to get some feeling back- not always numb. i cared again about whether they died, after not having been able to make myself care previously, sometimes even hoping for it.
younger childhood was pretty empty, only child, i just remember being alone a lot. we get home, they went to drink and smoke in the yard, so i had to stay in the house. i later realized i had a lot of severe dissociative episodes a child, especially when left alone. on the rare occasion i get one now, it horrifies me and ruins my mood for days.
I'm an adult now, its been a good ~4 years since the worst of it, so i thought for awhile. we don't talk as much anymore, and even less now that my partner is moved in. its always awkward. theyre always upset. within the last year, they continuously stole my rx medications, and when i completely cut them off from it, they said they wanted to kill themselves and the only thing that would help was me giving them my meds. they said theyd admit themselves to inpatient. i offered to help, i tried to be there for them while standing my ground- they never did go to inpatient, and continued to steal my medications even when i tried hiding them. they frequently make passive aggressive comments or blow up on me out of nowhere, it seems like they take every chance they get to disrespect me. like an emotional punching bag. theyve taken money from me for as long as i can remember, whether outright stealing, or demanding and threatening. theyve been unemployed for a long while now, and have been lacking in efforts to get a job. but they did go back to school, so thats nice. theyre always miserable. theyre always about to cry. we've had several eviction notices as my partner and i cannot afford to pay rent with just our jobs. im also concerned they may have an opioid addiction.
and still, i love them. i care for them deeply. i feel so incredibly bad for them, watching them hurt makes heart break. i know i have to leave at some point when i am financially able to, but i am horrified of the consequences of doing so while they are in an even more dire emotional and financial state than usual. but i dont know how much more i can do. ive tried gently helping them in the past, and it ends horrifically. i think i will try again one last time. they don't have any friends in the area, and they never leave the house except to buy more cigs/alcohol/weed/etc. my grandparents are both too scared to do anything to upset my parent more, but to be fair, only one of them recently (few months ago)found out about some of the substance abuse and stealing after i reached out to him for help. he was useless.
even on the occasions they're being kind, on their "best behavior", i still can hardly stand to be around them. i instinctively ignore their messages if its not absolutely dire. i dont know how to cope with it anymore. i dont really know how to help them differently than i have, or more, i dont know if i want to- if i can. i might try reaching out to their old long term friends asking to give them support, but i have no idea how they'll react, and i dont want it to backfire.
i think they want to get better. i know theyre miserable, they have been my whole life. almost every waking moment of my life is occupied with this situation. how do i feel about it? how do i navigate it? what do i do next, if anything? i frequently feel like im being too harsh on them even if just in my unspoken opinions, and i like im never doing enough for them. but i really do struggle to recall a truly cherished memory with them, while the bad ones come out left and right, even when i try to downplay them.
what do i do?