So I do have PCOS (Type D) and the weird after effects I’m having now… I haven’t had this stuff since I was 16 and just getting diagnosed!
I took norethindrone only for about 35 days to help with pain (because the docs suspect endometriosis) but it didn’t help and gave me horrible migraines so the doc recommended to stop it.
It has just been 3-4 days off norethindrone and my skin is rough, there is an increase in these small bumps (not acne or pimple) all over my face especially cheeks, jaw and neck. The hair on my legs looks thicker. I just feel lethargic af. I thought I’ll get my period the day after I stop norethindrone but I still haven’t…
Please tell me this will all get better soon… also any idea if it takes this long to get periods after stopping the pill??

Dear doctors of reddit or parents with ANY CLUE what to do, I am at a loss now and need to know what I must do to get any doctor to help.

Backstory:

Ages 10, 12, and 17
I was diagnosed with scoliosis at 10 with an "S" curve at 31 degrees by one surgeon. He said I didn't need a brace nor surgery no matter how much my mother talked to him.
2 years later I had transferred to a new surgeon at a 51 degree angle at the time of my first spinal fusion (waist to neck) and a correctional (waist to halfway up spine) 4 years later due to back pain and problems walking.
Age 19 - Now (25)
I began having back pain again which triggered the idea of needing a correctional and these problems were lessened for a very short while until about 19 when a specific part of my lower back begin to hurt. I have sharp pain in my back from sitting or standing to long, walking to far, or twisting. I have gone to multiple doctors who have brushed off my pain as it became worse and debilitating to a point that my husband has had to assist me in and out of a bath or bed at times since I was 22. Now that I am pregnant, I just got released from the hospital after having my right leg completely give out, now barely able to walk, in horrible pain and the 5 doctors I saw there are pinning it on either "Nothing's showing in the scans, so there's nothing wrong. That's good." (I CAN'T WALK WITHOUT A WALKER) or "It's just worse cause of your pregnancy."
While I agree, it may be worse cause of my pregnancy, I have not had the ability to function in my everyday life on my own since 19 and it has only worsened since 22. I have brought in paper work, showed the medical history, and switched doctors many times to try to get help.

Question

What do I have to do to get a doctor that will take my pain seriously? I cannot function anymore and after I have a child, I doubt it will be any better. Hasn't gotten better in 6 years.

31 F. No medical hx. No meds.
I’ve had upper left shoulder back pain for a few years now. It wakes me up out of my sleep sometimes and I literally just roll around in pain until ibuprofen kicks in so I can fall back asleep. Sometimes it keeps me up for hours. The pain is an crampy ache, like I desperately need my back cracked. When this pain occurs I notice the lymph node on the back of my neck to the left gets big and hard. It’s in between the size of a dime and Nickel. When the pain goes away, the lymph node goes down in size but is still palpable.
Initially, I brought up this lymph node to my PCP. Had an ultrasound and neck CT done with contrast that showed I had multiple other lymph nodes in my neck that were large but not of concerning enough size. I had that specific lymph node biopsied and they got more fat than actual lymph node but the small sample they got seemed normal. Labs seemed normal outside of a mildly elevated ESR. They recommended me getting another biopsy if the lymph node was still there in 3 months. Well, three months later it was still there obviously since it’s been there for years but didn’t grow in size so the doctor didn’t want to do another biopsy and said it would probably go away in time.
It’s never gone away. The pain still comes and goes and I have no idea what to do about it. Curious to see if anyone has had a similar issue? Ibuprofen 800 helps a little and so does icy hot. I was prescribed flexeril but all it does is make me sleepy and does absolutely nothing for the back pain. In fact , I feel like it makes it worse. I feel like my pain is dismissed and I’m miserable when the pain starts.
Any advice ?

Today I was finally prescribed Levo, but while I saw my doctor I wanted him to have a look at my throat/neck. After over a month of hypo symptoms I’m suddenly having hyper symptoms again for the past week, on top of that I’ve developed pain in my throat where my thyroid is as well as my lymph nodes feel very swollen and sore. I also have some sort of hard small lump on the back of my neck on the left side. My doctor didn’t examine me at all, just saying that one can fluctuate between hyper and hypo and that my neck is just having inflammation. I’m just worried about the pain since my throat just feels weird and sore when I move my head certain ways or when I cough or sneeze or yawn. I also have a clicking feeling when I swallow sometimes. Should I maybe get it checked out somewhere else or am I overreacting and this is super normal?

I was born with several birthmarks on my face, neck and chest with the most obvious one being my face of course. Its a port wine stain on my left cheek under my eye the size of my hand, and looks a like a giant light-purple bruise. I got laser surgery when I was 11, but its still there, and Ive had to deal with people viewing me differently compared to other people my whole life.
I've only ever had one guy in my whole life ask me out on a date, back when I was 17. Long story, but he never liked me anyway and the relationship didnt last long so I've struggled self esteem issues ever since. I'm 20 now, still havent had any guy show interest in me.
I haven completeled given up yet, but I just feel so helpless. What exactly do I do? I like to think I'm decently attractive, ignoring the birthmark- I'm fit, I try to be friendly and social. I always thought there would probably be some men out there who would be willing to give me a chance but so far nothing.

It first started with a small zit on the tip of the ear lobe, it had a black head that spread and inflamed the skin around the cartilage filling it with some kind of liquid and then lymph nodes got swollen around the ear and neck. The infection looked black, and within a weak made a crust that made it unrecognizable that was an insect bite. That is when I went to the doctors and they thought it was viral. That is why I was misdiagnosed so many years.
Since then I get this painful small blisters in the hands, some under the skin like the first picture, some on the surface. around joints. They are dark in appearance with black head and every time they appear they last around 1 - 2 weeks and when they leave the skin gets dry and flaky. But this does not end here, as soon as they disappear the nerve pain starts and I het really achy in the area for a long time.
I really believe that what I am looking at is the infection that havocs my body for such a long time (3yrs). I will not get into details but I do have neurological symptoms similar to MS, ALS.
I would like to know if you have these as well with Lyme.
https://preview.redd.it/qvl9ao2vsx0d1.jpg?width=1067&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4cc0a6402f08be7b034750fc5ea9fc595c0d6784
https://preview.redd.it/8j40kj1vsx0d1.jpg?width=466&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9dbfbf3553e42169d7cf31bff20f7a49b40854d2
https://preview.redd.it/qjskem2vsx0d1.jpg?width=627&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=879f2ca64e8abf0eacfca53c4b8ea0c8893b7f8d

Chest pain can arise from various conditions, some of which are serious and require immediate medical attention, while others are less severe. Here are some common causes of chest pain:

Cardiac Causes

1. Angina

• Chest pain due to reduced blood flow to the heart muscle, often triggered by physical activity or stress.

1. Myocardial Infarction (Heart Attack)

• Severe, crushing chest pain due to the blockage of blood flow to a part of the heart muscle.

1. Pericarditis

• Inflammation of the pericardium (the sac surrounding the heart), causing sharp, stabbing pain.

1. Myocarditis

• Inflammation of the heart muscle, often leading to chest pain, fatigue, and shortness of breath.

1. Aortic Dissection

• A tear in the inner layer of the aorta, causing severe, ripping chest pain.

Gastrointestinal Causes

1. Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD)

• Acid reflux causing a burning sensation in the chest, often after eating.

1. Esophageal Spasm

• Sudden, intense contractions of the esophagus leading to chest pain.

1. Peptic Ulcer

• Sores in the stomach lining causing burning pain that can be mistaken for heart pain.

1. Gallbladder Disease (e.g., Gallstones)

• Pain from gallbladder issues can radiate to the chest.

Pulmonary Causes

1. Pulmonary Embolism

• A blood clot in the lung causing sharp chest pain, shortness of breath, and rapid heart rate.

1. Pneumonia

• Infection of the lungs leading to chest pain, fever, and difficulty breathing.

1. Pleuritis (Pleurisy)

• Inflammation of the lining of the lungs, causing sharp pain, especially with breathing or coughing.

1. Pneumothorax (Collapsed Lung)

• Sudden onset of sharp, one-sided chest pain and shortness of breath.

Musculoskeletal Causes

1. Costochondritis

• Inflammation of the cartilage connecting ribs to the breastbone, causing sharp pain.

1. Muscle Strain

• Overuse or injury to chest muscles can cause persistent pain.

1. Rib Fractures

• Broken ribs from trauma can cause significant chest pain, especially when breathing deeply or coughing.

Psychological Causes

1. Panic Attack

• Intense anxiety or panic leading to chest pain, rapid heartbeat, and shortness of breath.

1. Anxiety

• Chronic anxiety can cause chest tightness and discomfort.

Other Causes

1. Herpes Zoster (Shingles)

• A reactivation of the chickenpox virus causing a painful rash and chest pain if the chest area is affected.

1. Hiatal Hernia

• Part of the stomach pushes up through the diaphragm, causing chest pain and discomfort.

Given the wide range of potential causes, chest pain should be evaluated by a healthcare professional, especially if it is severe, persistent, or associated with symptoms such as shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, or dizziness. Early diagnosis and appropriate treatment are crucial for conditions like heart attacks and pulmonary embolisms, which can be life-threatening.

350+/1800$ Gift Trades in 6 years

 

Made a Google doc because the list is long

MY Trade Reputation
 

YOUR FAVOURITE SELLER IS BACK FOR 6TH YEAR IN A ROW. CHECK MY REP THREAD

 

CACHE Price Increases as I stock out & Reservation is Compulsory

 
Want Paypal/Zelle/Venmo/GooglePay/PayTm worth the listed Amount or Items (1.2x - STEAM TAX). I will not go first. The link to add me :LINK to ADD ME
 

Crownfall Treasure Chest 1 & 2 (Buy 3+ More at 10% / 6+ More at 20% / 9+ More at 30% discount)

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Owly Bear (URSA)	1	35$ or Items	Ultra Rare Treasure 2	Only ONE
Mocking Bird (Meepo)	4	20$ or Items	Very Rare Treasure 1	None
Ravencloak (Drow Ranger)	2	40$ or Items	Very Rare Treasure 2	Only Two
Whispering Wings (Silencer)	6	8$ or Items	Rare Treasure 1	None
Crown of the Condor (Wraith King)	6	8.5$ or Items	Rare Treasure 1	One Sold 5 Left
Thunderbird (Zeus)	5	7$ or Items	Rare Treasure 2	None
Birdfeed Bandit (Hood Wink)	4	8$ or Items	Rare Treasure 2	None
Blood Raven (Blood Seeker)	10	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Tines of the Pyrexae (Jakiro)	8	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Imperial Ember (Lina)	8	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Designs of Ancient Druud (Disruptor)	8	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Verdant Swarm (Nature Prophet)	8	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Phalanx of the Bronze Eagle (Legion Commander -LC)	8	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Raven of Ristul (Queen of Pain)	8	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Eyes in the Endless Dark (Shadow Shaman)	8	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 1	None
Crystalline Crown (Ancient Apparition)	6	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None
Flight of the Gryphon Lord (Keeper of the Light)	6	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None
Lionheart (Omnikinght	6	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None
Song of the Sea Lotus (Naga Siren)	7	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None
Keeper of the Nether-Lens (Pugna)	6	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None
Twitcher (Timker)	7	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None
Highborn Heretic (Skywrath Mage	7	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None
Mischief of the Winter Moth (Puck)	6	2.5$ or Items	Treasure 2	None

 

AUGUST 2023 Collectors Cache (Buy 3+ More at 10%/ 6+ More at 20%/ 9+ More at 30% discount)

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Snailfire (SnapFire)	2	25$ or Items	Very Rare Cache Set	None
Brightfist (Marci)	5	18$ or Items	Rare Cache Set	Three Sold One Reserved Last Left
Dezun Viper (Dazzle)	5	4$ or Items	Cache Set	One Sold One Reserved
Primeval Abomination (Primal Beast)	5	5.5$ or Items	Cache Set	Two Sold
Astral Herald (Dawnbreaker)	5	5.5$ or Items	Cache Set	Two Sold
Spectral Shadow (Abaddon)	5	3.5$ or Items	Cache Set	None
Taur Rider (Alchemist)	5	4$ or Items	Cache Set	One Sold
Crescent Huntress (Spectre)	5	4$ or Items	Cache Set	One Sold
Tyrant of the Veil (Wraith King)	5	5.5$ or Items	Cache Set	Two Sold
Tomo'kan Footsoldier (Hoodwink)	5	5$ or Items	Cache Set	One Sold
Darkwood Eulogy (Death Prophet)	5	3.5$ or Items	Cache Set	None
Sea Spirit (Kunkka)	5	4$ or Items	Cache Set	One Sold
Triumph of the Imperatrix (Legion Commander)	5	4$ or Items	Cache Set	None
Beast of Thunder (Storm Spirit)	5	5.5$ or Items	Cache Set	Two Sold
Ancestral Heritage (Jakiro)	5	4$ or Items	Cache Set	One Sold

 

Ultra Rare Immortals 2022

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Bloodfeather Finery (Queen of Pain)	1	15$ or Items	Ultra Rare Immortal 2	LastLeft

 

Diretide Collectors Cache-2 2022

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Sublime Equilibrium (Void Spirit)	2	45$ or Items	Very Rare Direteide Collectors Cache	One Sold Last Left
Brands of the Reaper (Anti Mage)	5	$18	Rare Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Three Sold Last Two Reserved
Grudges of the Gallows Tree (Treant)	6	15$ or Items	Rare Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Five Sold Last Left
War Rig Eradicators (Techies)	5	8$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Three Sold
Sacred Chamber Guardian (Huskar)	5	7$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Two Sold One Reserved
Acrimonies of Obsession (Vengeful Spirit)	5	7.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	One Sold
Freeboot Fortunes (Ogre Magi)	5	4.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	None
Withering Pain (Clinkz)	5	6$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Two Sold
Darkfeather Factioneer (Phantom Assassin)	5	8$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Three Sold
Feasts of Forever (Night Stalker)	5	5.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Two Sold
Cursed Cryptbreaker (Pudge)	5	5.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Two Sold
Dawn of Darkness Foretold (Doom)	5	10$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Three Sold
The Wilding Tiger (Brewmaster)	5	11$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Four Sold Last Left
Transcendent Path (Oracle)	5	7.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Two Sold
Darkbrew´s Transgression (Alchemist)	5	10$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Four Sold Last Left
Grand Suppressor (Silencer)	5	4.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	One Sold
Bird of Prey (Legion Commander)	5	7.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache 2	Three Sold

 

Diretide Collectors Cache 2022

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Blue Horizons(Marci)	4	16$ or Items	Rare Direteide Collectors Cache	Three Sold Last Left
Hounds of Obsession (Chen)	3	7.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache	Two Sold Last Left
Seadog's Stash (Clockwerk)	3	6$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache	One Sold
Starlorn Adjudicator (Dawn Breaker)	3	11$	Direteide Collectors Cache	Two Sold Last Left
Chines of the Inquisitor (Faceless Void)	3	18.5$	Direteide Collectors Cache	Two Sold Last Reserved
Crimson Dawn (Phoenix)	3	7$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache	Two Sold Last Left
Forgotten Station (Terrorblade)	3	4.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache	None
Dirge Amplifier (Undying)	3	5.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache	One Sold
Champion of the Fire Lotus (Monkey King)	3	7.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache	Two Sold Last Left
Deathstitch Shaman (Witch Doctor)	3	5.5$ or Items	Direteide Collectors Cache	One Sold

 

Aghanim's Continuum Cache 2021 / Ti-11

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Scales of the Shadow Walker (Phantom Lancer)	4	12$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	Three Sold Last Left
Test of the Basilisk Lord (Razor)	4	11.5$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	Three Sold Last Left
Secrets of the Frost Singularity (Ancient Apparation)	4	5$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	None
Perils of the Red Banks (Chen)	4	7$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	Two Sold Last Left
The Chained Scribe (Grimstroke)	4	8$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	One Sold One Reserved
Widow of the Undermount Gloom (Broodmother)	4	9.5$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	Three Sold Last Left
Forgotten Fate (Mars)	4	5$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	One Sold
March of the Crackerjack Mage (Rubick)	4	12$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	Three Sold Last Left
Cosmic Concoctioneers (Alchemist)	4	12$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	Two Sold
Blightfall (Abbadon)	4	8$ or Items	Aghanim Cache	Two Sold

 

Nemestice Cache 2021 / Ti-11

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Astral Terminus (Enigma)	3	12$ or Items	Nemestice Cache 1	One Sold One Reserved Last Left
Caerulean Star (Enchantress)	3	9$ or Items	Nemestice Cache 1	Two Sold Last Left

 -

Collector's Cache 2020 / Ti-10

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber (TA/Templar Assassin)	3	15$	TI-10 Rare Cache 2	Two Sold Last Reserved
Talons of the Endless Storm (CK/Chaos Knight)	3	7.5$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 2	One Sold One Reserved Last Left
Carousel of the Mystic Masquerade (Rubick)	3	10$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 2	Two Sold Last Left
Blacksail Cannoneer (Sniper)	3	7$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 2	None
Blaze of Oblivion (Phoenix)	3	7$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 2	None
Songs of Starfall Glen (Enchantress)	3	6$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 1	None
Flashpoint Proselyte (Huskar)	3	13$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 1	Two Sold Last Left
Fissured Flight (Jakiro)	3	12$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 1	Two Sold Last Left
Mindless Slaughter (Pudge)	3	12$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 1	Two Sold Last Reserved
Fury of Righteous Storm (Disruptor)	3	6$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 1	None
Apocalypse Unbound (Ancient Apparation)	3	9$ or Items	TI-10 Cache 1	Two Sold Last left

 

Collector's Cache 2019/ Ti-9

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Prized Acquisitions (Batrider)	4	7$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Two Sold
The sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful (Drow Ranger)	4	12$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Three Sold Last Reserved
Directive of the Sunbound(Clockwerk)	5	9$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Four Sold Last Left
Distinguished Expeditionary (Tusk)	4	7$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Two Sold
Automaton Antiquity (Broodmother)	5	9$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Four Sold Last Left
Fury of the Bloodforge (Bloodseeker)	5	9$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Three Sold
Tribal Pathways (Warlock)	5	8.5$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Three Sold
Verdant Predator (Venomancer)	5	9$	TI-9 Cache Set-2	Three Sold
The Arts of Mortal Deception (Enigma)	3	9$	TI-9 Cache Set	Two Sold Last Left
Poacher's Bane (Tidehunter)	3	8$	TI-9 Cache Set	One Sold One Reserved Last Left
Riddle of the Hierophant (Oracle)	3	9$ or 3 Keys	TI-9 Cache Set	Two Sold Last Left

 

Collector's Cache 2018/ Ti-8

Item	Quantity	Price	Type	Reserved
Raiments of the Obsidian Forge (Underlord)	4	18$	TI-8 Rare Cache Set	Three Sold Last Left
Pattern of the Silken Queen (Brood)	4	8$	TI-8 Cache Set	Three Sold Last Left

 
https://steamcommunity.com/id/whatsyouraff (DireTide 2022 Oracle Set Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198063913439 (2021 Gyro, 2020 Huskar, AA, Warlock, Grim Sets Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Mujou64 (Diretide Cache 2 Doom & Venge Sold Successfuly)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/rudmax (2019 Brood Automation, 2021 Shadow Shaman & Enchantress Reserved - Full Payment Made Advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198064920459 (2023 Rare Marci and Dawn Cache Sold successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Alacaster (2023 AM Ultra Rare, Hoodwink & Dawn Reserved - 14/70 Paid Advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Default_panda (2023 Spectre Cache & Mars Wings of Imperium Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/hollywoodsbleeding_ (2022 LC Cache Set Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198041012739 (2022 Phoneix Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/carantis (2023 Jakiro and Dazzle Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198079185431/ (2023 Rare Treant, 2021 Rare Ogre & PL Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/muruph (2017 DP Cache Reserved Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/LovelasStrasti/ (Techies 2022 Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/uziexe/(2020 Timber Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/SemiOfficialAnthonyAdams (Brewmaster and Oracle Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/V3G3TA (2023 - Wk, Primal, Storm, Alche, 2022 - LC, Techies, Alche Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198829952373/ (2023 Kunka Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Darkio567/ (2023 Dawnbreaker Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198176999423 (2022 Brew Set Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198325291097/ (2023 Rare Marci Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Snaily3000/ (2020 Shadow Demon Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/catgirllyra/ (2023 Rare Marci and Diretide 2022 Hoodwink Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198877138961/ (2023 Dazzle and Aghanim Brood Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198059954390/ (Diretide 2022 Rare Antimage, Huskar, 2021 Grimstroke, 2019 Drow, Chen & Tide, 2018 Axe & QOP Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561199173346010/ (2023 Hoodwink Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/LordPlasmarr (2023 WK Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198138951034/ (2023 Primal Beast and Brewmaster Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/waffler99/ (2023 Rare Marci Cache Reserved - 3.5/13.5 Paid Advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/vcxxiv (Crownfall Rare WK Cache Sold- Old Customer)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198051968045 (2020 Pudge Cache Reserved - Full Payment Made Advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561199195274635 (2022 Faceless Void Cache Reserved - Full payment made advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/naptime_/ (2020 TA and 2021 Enigma Reserved - Full payment made advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/GayNoNePida (2x 2022 Rare Antimage Cache Reserved - Full Payment made advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198334003229 (2019 Drow Ranger Cache Reserved - 25% paid advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198176818975/ (2019 CK reserved - Full Payment made Advance)
Wall of Shame:
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561199102322625/ (This clown added me and when I asked to reserve which I have clearly stated in my post backtracked on trade offer, has no idea how 30-day steam gifting works so beware)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197974015392/ (The newest Clown in town, Asks to buy legacy items, agrees to pay my listed price then tells me 2 days later about not making the payment because he found these sets for only 2 Dollars each which is not possible. Beware and don't add this person)

I'm a beginner going to gym from past 10 days. I'm M27, 69kg, 5ft 10 with skinny type body. Whenever I do new exercise I know that I will feel pain to the respective effected muscle for few days.
Yesterday I did deadlift for first time in Smith machine with 5kg plates on both side and completed 3×8 sets. I work out during 10-12am session. After around 8 pm when I picked a bucket of water I started feeling extreme pain in my lower part of my backbone. It's unbearable when I walk and it's least when I lay down on bed.
Is it normal during gym process or did I just Fuc**d up my backbone? Also now my standing posture is completely straight earlier it used to be bend from my chest area. Pls tell if anything is wrong? So can I consult to doctor

I really need some support/advice right now and appreciate any help/insight...
Has anyone here been living with Esophagitis for a "long" time and actually gotten better?
Has anyone dealt with PPIs not working/actually made symptoms worse?
Been diagnosed with the above in August '23 - no Hernia, no Pylori.
Doc put me on 20mg Esoprazol. After a couple of days my symptoms got worse and worse. Switched to Pantaprazol and then Omneprazol - same. PPIs work for 1-2 days and then ALL of my symptoms increase/intensify.
I then tried to manage my Symptoms through Diet etc. Stopped drinking Alcohol, slowly but gradually smoked less and less (2 Cigs per Day atm). I would take Tums if needed, tried Bicarbonate. I felt better for a couple of month until DecembeJanuary.
Since then ive been living in hell. Exhaustion, low Blood Pressure, Chest Pain/Heartburn, Coughing, Headaches... I tried taking PPIs (Omneprazol 20mg again) every other day - doesnt work, symptoms get worse. Not taking them is no option either, since i might experience less severe symptoms but still feel Acid coming up. Next week i have another Endoscopy and to be honest - i am scared. Like really scared. How the F do i get on top of this?

Hello I just want to start this off I never had a kitten before. I just recently picked up this kitten off the street across from my job. I took her because she looked abandoned and was crying. Maybe I messed up in taking her in.... I'm at a loss for words I haven't been able to sleep in for about two weeks give or take. I named her..... Zoltron kind of stupid name but I thought it was a cool name.... Everything was fine for about three weeks of having this kitten.... The only thing that threw me off was it was abandoned and left alone. Although that's beside the point. I bought the milk formula because she seemed to need it. I fed her chicken the first night I had her and sometimes pate broken up with water. I'm not an expert here.
Everything was going fine up until one night. I was feeding her several times a day and making sure she was alright and good. Then one night she starts to seem sleepy. I thought nothing much of it. I wake up and I don't here hear usual cry's for some breakfast that she usually wants. I pick her up and she still was breathing but I could tell she was dying. By the time I get in my car and start driving to the vet.... Zoltron died on me. I'm at a loss for words... I never owned a kitten I tried searching up things to do for her. She seemed fine... Im tearing up writing this sorry if some of this is gibberish I don't mean to bother y'all.
I just have this heavy pain in my chest that doesn't go away.... I feel lifeless right now I know I'm not special and I probably fucked something up for the kitten. It's probably my fault.... I... I... I just wanted to help maybe I thought this would have been something special. But all I gave this kitten was a short life I feel empty right now. Maybe I could have done something different. Maybe if I wasn't a dumbass I could have tooken her to the vet faster. Im so sorry I couldn't save you Zoltron😢. Its my fault now I wish I was different I could have tooken a different approach maybe. This really sucks I can't find words to describe this feeling I have. I fucking hate myself right now.
I'm sorry Zoltron 😢... I wish I could have seen you grow up you were so pretty
I'm sorry for the long paragraphs y'all. I just wanted to share my story I'm sorry if this doesn't belong in this subreddit I just picked one that was cat related

TL:DR Rode too fast, couldn't stop in time. Fell into river and lost phone, airpods, and garage door opener. Also almost lost my life.
Well, as the title says, riding brakeless is pretty dangerous if you can't stop properly.
I thought I had control of my bike without brakes because I was able to go down some hills, and slow down enough to stop at lights, but I realized it's all sort of useless if you can't stop at a whim.
I definitely overestimated my abilities on a fixed gear. I outrode my lights which made me unable to slow down enough for the curve. I tried to skid to stop... but the gear ratio was too high (52:17), and my tires were at the perfect PSI (according to Silca's calculator 200lbs on 700cx32mm Continental Gatorskin Black Edition with pavement/some cracks and midrange/'butyl tubes). I was also clipped in the pedals (if I were in cages/straps, I would have tried to jump off the bike). With these factors in mind, I simply panicked and couldn't stop.
Thankfully I was on a trail, and the trail that I was on followed a river that led into a bay. (Now that I think about it, if the river wasn't there I would have died cause I wasn't wearing a helmet; the water prevented me from getting a serious head injury.) I fell in head first and both the bike and I were soaked. As I flailed around in the water, I lost my phone, both airpods, and my garage door opener. My mind immediately went to my bike. I did my best to get my bike out of the water and essentially threw it up onto the bank, and as I did so, I realized my phone was no longer in my pocket.
I had my apple watch on and realized that I could probably make my phone light up if I used the ping feature but when I tried... my watch said my phone was not connected. After realizing I would have to look for my phone myself, I tried to shuffle my feet along the river floor to see if I could "feel it out" but it was unsuccessful. I really tried hard to look for my phone. I used my bike light to see if I could see it underwater, and even OPENED MY EYES UNDERWATER TO SEE IF I COULD FIND IT but I stopped because I was scared I might lose my eyes to some weird bacteria. To be honest, I stopped looking because I didn't want to die from a fungus/parasite/bacteria/virus that could be present in the water (I might still die because some of the water went in my mouth (it was salty tbh) and ended up in my ears) so I gave up.
I rode home... wet, tired, and defeated (surprisingly my bike was fine... wait it's salt water.... I'll need to give it a cleaning in the morning). On the way, I was shaking the water out of my ears and rode into a tall hedge, lol. That gave me a nice bump on my head along with some new scrapes. After I picked myself up, I was able to make it home finally and was able to get my roommate to open the door for me.
I have to try to get a new phone tomorrow at the Apple store, I might lose the interest of a girl I was talking to because I can't text her now, and I am in a lot of pain. If you were able to make it this far in my wall of text, please, please, please ride with a front brake if you're new, ride with a helmet regardless of skill level, and make sure you have fun despite some idiot making a mistake.
I'd post pictures of my injuries and bike, but I don't have a phone lol
EDIT: TYPO

As mentioned in my post title, my 16m son has never reacted to pain consistently. It seems as though he barely feels most injuries but once or twice a year something small will happen and he will claim extraordinary pain, often requiring a trip to the ER for help managing his pain. The tricky thing is that we never know what will send him into one of these pain episodes.
Most of the time he will carry on like it’s business as usual after an injury. He has gone days without having a broken bone looked at because he doesn’t feel it and so he doesn’t report it to us, we’ve had to notice himself carrying himself differently. Since he doesn’t fully experience the pain associated with most injuries, he is not afraid to play football, wrestle, rock climb, skateboard, bmx, etc. Pretty much anything with a high probability of injury, he does it with gusto. We require him to wear all necessary protective gear for the duration of the activity every, single time.
When he does experience pain, it is excruciating and is accompanied by dizziness, nausea, fainting and he will complain of a burning sensation throughout his extremities. These intense pain episodes last anywhere from 6 hours to 3 days. This has been happening throughout his entire life.
Here are some things that he’s barely reacted to: 1 moderate concussion 6 broken bones, each one a different event and most are different years A second degree burn from cooking Nearly all immunizations and blood draws A dog bite that required 12 stitches
Here are a few things that have sent him over the edge: 1 mild concussion (ER trip, for pain) A tetanus shot (ER trip) A bad sunburn on the back of his neck during a week long summer camp (urgent care) A blood draw (ER trip) A buckle fracture (ER trip) An attempt at shaving that left a significant cut on his chin (urgent care)
We live in a very small town and our pediatrician is stumped. He’s willing to refer us to any kind of specialist we want to see but I don’t know where to begin. With our limited finances being what they are, I’d rather not waste money on the wrong doctors.
I guess my questions are what could this be and what kind of specialist should we request? Can someone please help steer us in the right direction?

To preface, I used to take Doxy every day for months during Covid for acne, but eventually stopped due to not feeling comfortable relying on an antibiotic so much- even when taken with probiotics. I’ve been able to keep my acne at bay with Spironolactone and a tailored skin routine.
But then last week for the first time ever I broke out into a rosacea flare up around my eyes and cheeks (ocular rosacea). I went to my dermatologist and she prescribed me Doxy 50mg for two weeks. After it seemed like the rosacea was getting worse they upped me to 200 mg a day. I took the two pills along with food, water, and a probiotic and had no stomach pain or discomfort. When I woke up the next day I felt relatively fine until two hours later when I touched my skin and it hurt.
I went to work and as the hours passed my entire body was riddled with aches and pains- I was shivering from feeling cold (to the point my nails were turning blue) and had to leave early to go to a doctor. The doctor did a Flu test and it came back negative, my throat looks fine and the lymph nodes weren’t swollen. He said that the main culprit is most likely the Doxy and to stop taking it to see if I improve.
And while the Doxy isn’t out of my system yet, I still feel terrible. Everything aches and pains as if I have a flu without the other flu symptoms (stomach pain, cough, etc.) My skin feels super sensitive to the touch, my neck and back are stiff and it’s gotten to the point where doing simple tasks such as eating and showering was a chore because I feel so rigid and weak.
My doctor explained that even though I’ve tolerated Doxy in the past, my immune system has changed over the two years and may have developed a sensitivity to it. Saying that my immune system is reacting to the Doxy and thinks there’s an infection so it’s reacting accordingly (hence the aches and pains). I only took the Doxy for 3 days before stopping use.
I just wanted to know if this is a common experience by others, and if so, how long after stopping Doxy did it take for the severe pains and chills to subside? Also, just as a heads up to people who may be starting the medication that it’s a possible side effect. It was helping the rosacea flare up, but the pain is not worth it. I’m going to stay off it and keep track of how I feel to decide whether the Doxy is the culprit or not.

Hey there,
I got the diagnosis 3 years ago while checking a cyst at my neck via ultrasonic.. I do blood checks every 6 month since then but just for the single tsh, which is always ok. So my doc don't give me meds, which is ok for me so far. I had been to different doctors multiple times bevore because of fatigue, brain fog and freezing. Because the tsh was always ok, they never found something. So I am glad for the diagnosis.
I don't have any other symptoms than those above plus struggling with my workouts because of long lasting muscle pain after working out. The brain fog is bad because of work. I normally love my job but sometimes I sit on my desk like a zombie getting nothing done at all. It stresses me out because time doesn't go by, I feel bad for my collegues and I am scared my brain is destroying hisself. Private live is also a little bit shut down, because no energie is left after 10h workday. Even cooking, household sometimes gets hard. I do it anyways but it's always fighting.
So I will try with my diat to change some of the symptoms for the better. While doing slow carb the freezing is cone - which makes me super happy and is - I think - because of the increased protein intake. The only source of carbohydrates come from legumes but I consume them not everyday. Staples are eggs and collagen coffee in the morning, the rest is veggies and meet. Sometimes the fatigue and brain fog is gone, sometimes it comes back (even on slow carb). I haven't find out yet. I don't think I have leaky gut or gluten intolerance and I never have headaches or a weak stomach.
When I have brain fog and fatigue I get really high sugar gravings which I can't resist. It feels like my body thinks it's the only solution to get energy.
I had binche eating disorder when going to restrictive about food so I hesitate to do AIP.
Do you have some advice or plan for me to solve fatigue and brain fog for good?
Can I cut out e. g. Nightshades for a couple of months and see if I might react to them with fatigue? Or is the inflammation to high over all that it won't react to a single change?
I am happy for your advice, stories and help :) thank you in advance

We all know that cleaning your ears can cause an overstimulating sensation of pleasure, as the cotton swab touches some specific nerves.
But what I realized lately, is that when I clean my ears, I get such an extreme sensation, that my knees suddenly get weak, to the point of me falling to the floor and while laying down starting to have convulsions that last a couple of minutes at least, and leaving me dizzy, with speech and memory problems lately.
This also happens when I'm in intense physical pain (during my period), or when I get psychologically too overwhelmed.
Could these be seizures related to epilepsy? Has anyone experienced something similar?

Vegetarian since 13 and didn't know a thing about B12 until a doctor in my twenties said I seemed to be b12 deficient. She administered some B12 shots. I honestly cant remember if it was even more than two or what happened afterwards but I remember they helped me. I think she probably retested my levels and saw they were good and told me to supplement from them on (she was the most helpful doctor I've ever had and lovely and she was going on what they thought at the time about test levels being able to show accurate b12).
I've been on b supplements most of the time since, although again not really being mindful of how important they were until my late twenties. I suspect I did suffer nerve damage in the time before I realised about b vitamins. I started just taking B12 supplements cause I think that's what the doctor recommended or what I figured I needed. My memory is terrible so there's a lot of gaps and blanks in my years. I stayed on B12 1000mcg a day for quite a while.
Then I came off vitamins when I was going through a rough anxiety time after srri withdrawal. I was wary of anything making my anxiety worse (lots of chest pain from anxiety and very restless, plus chronic insomnia leading to sleep deprivation). I can't remember how long I was off them for, I came off everything including magnesium and caffeine, just got scared of all of it. I asked my doctor if vitamins could be making my anxiety worse and they said no but failed to mention I actually should hop back on them as not being on them could actually be making things worse. Which I think it must have.
I went back on them at some point, a b complex rather than just B12 and when I read about how oral supplementation may not actually be enough to help B12 deficiency and also how the tests weren't accurate if supplementing I talked to two different doctors about that when asking to get things checked (still trying to fix anxiety) and both just ignored that completely and said yep normal when my tests came back.
I hopped off vitamins again because my depression got very bad and I gave up on a lot. I finally went back on them properly about 8 months ago, and I noticed my go to vitamin complex changed its formula to add activated B12 when before it was only cobalamin. There's only a tiny bit in the vitamins, 100mcg of methyl cobalamin and 50mcg of cobalamin. I know that's not much compared to what people should take, especially maybe being vegan, but the formula has really helped, possibly also due to the b6 and tiny bits of zinc because I think I'm likely quiet deficient in those too.
I think I have more then being vegan effecting this over the years, gastrointestinal issues that the srris made a lot lot worse and maybe absorption issues. One healthcare provider told me they thought it sounded like I had pyrolles and one said it sounded like I had issues with low gastric acid but none of that ever got sorted because I have a tendency to get overwhelmed. I had GERD IBS and fructose intolerance all diagnosed in the past but they stopped causing nearly all symptoms when I stopped srris.
I stopped my b vitamins tablets about twelve days ago because I'm due to get my thyroid tested and there's biotin in the b complex which I know effects thyroid testing. I didn't get to the doctor because of other things happening but don't want to start the B's again till I do so am staying off them.
But my depression and anxiety is taking a turn down again so I know the B's must be helping when I do take them (I know neurotransmitters need them). I had some of my 1000mcg B12 left so I took one of those last weekend to help since it doesn't have biotin and was thinking that was going to cause anxiety but the opposite happened and my anxiety and depression went down and energy felt good rather than restless, really surprised me because I didn't think that was going to happen. Then I remembered the b12 test thing and didn't take anymore and haven't since.
I doubt I'll get my test done for at least several more days due to being stuck with other things. I guess my question was to ask if that will help the tests show a more accurate level of my natural baseline for b or not really because that still won't be enough time off them? I don't want to start back again just in case I can get in to the doctors sooner and I want the thyroid test to be as accurate as possible. But being off them my thinking is much more muddled and hard to focus and panic gets to me easier. Having more aches and pains and cold limbs too.

Treatment options for chest pain depend on the underlying cause. Here’s an overview of various types of chest pain and their corresponding treatment strategies:

1. Cardiac-Related Chest Pain (e.g., Angina, Heart Attack)

• Medications:
• Nitrates: To relax and widen blood vessels, improving blood flow to the heart.
• Aspirin: To reduce blood clotting.
• Beta-blockers: To lower heart rate and blood pressure, reducing heart workload.
• Statins: To lower cholesterol levels.
• ACE inhibitors or ARBs: To lower blood pressure and protect heart function.
• Procedures:
• Angioplasty and Stent Placement: To open blocked arteries.
• Coronary Artery Bypass Surgery: To create a bypass around blocked arteries.
• Lifestyle Changes:
• Diet, exercise, quitting smoking, and managing stress are crucial for long-term management.

2. Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD)

• Medications:
• Antacids: For immediate relief.
• H2 Blockers: To reduce acid production (e.g., ranitidine, famotidine).
• Proton Pump Inhibitors (PPIs): To block acid production more effectively (e.g., omeprazole, esomeprazole).
• Lifestyle Changes:
• Avoiding trigger foods (e.g., spicy, fatty foods, caffeine, alcohol).
• Eating smaller meals.
• Not lying down immediately after eating.
• Elevating the head of the bed.
• Procedures:
• Surgery (e.g., Nissen fundoplication): For severe cases not responding to medication.

3. Musculoskeletal Chest Pain (e.g., Costochondritis, Muscle Strain)

• Medications:
• NSAIDs: For pain and inflammation (e.g., ibuprofen, naproxen).
• Acetaminophen: For pain relief.
• Therapies:
• Physical Therapy: To strengthen and stretch the muscles.
• Heat/Cooling Pads: To reduce pain and inflammation.
• Lifestyle Changes:
• Avoiding activities that exacerbate pain.
• Practicing good posture.

4. Pulmonary Conditions (e.g., Pulmonary Embolism, Pleuritis, Pneumonia)

• Pulmonary Embolism:
• Anticoagulants: To prevent further clotting (e.g., heparin, warfarin, DOACs like rivaroxaban).
• Thrombolytics: To dissolve existing clots in severe cases.
• Surgery or Catheter Procedures: In life-threatening situations.
• Pleuritis:
• NSAIDs: To reduce pain and inflammation.
• Antibiotics: If caused by bacterial infection.
• Corticosteroids: In some cases, to reduce inflammation.
• Pneumonia:
• Antibiotics: For bacterial infections.
• Antivirals: For viral infections.
• Oxygen Therapy: In severe cases to aid breathing.

5. Panic Attack or Anxiety-Related Chest Pain

• Medications:
• Anxiolytics: Such as benzodiazepines for immediate relief (e.g., alprazolam, lorazepam).
• SSRIs or SNRIs: For long-term management of anxiety (e.g., sertraline, fluoxetine).
• Therapies:
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): To manage anxiety and panic symptoms.
• Lifestyle Changes:
• Stress management techniques like mindfulness, yoga, and regular exercise.

6. Pericarditis

• Medications:
• NSAIDs: To reduce inflammation and pain.
• Colchicine: To reduce inflammation and prevent recurrences.
• Corticosteroids: In severe or refractory cases.
• Procedures:
• Pericardiocentesis: To remove excess fluid around the heart in cases of pericardial effusion.

7. Aortic Dissection

• Emergency Treatment:
• Immediate Surgery: Often required to repair the tear.
• Blood Pressure Control: Using IV medications to lower blood pressure and reduce stress on the aorta.

8. Other Gastrointestinal Causes (e.g., Peptic Ulcer)

• Medications:
• PPIs or H2 Blockers: To reduce stomach acid.
• Antibiotics: If caused by H. pylori infection.
• Lifestyle Changes:
• Avoiding NSAIDs and other irritants.
• Eating smaller, more frequent meals.

9. Herpes Zoster (Shingles)

• Antiviral Medications: To reduce severity and duration (e.g., acyclovir, valacyclovir).
• Pain Management:
• NSAIDs, acetaminophen, or stronger pain medications.
• Topical creams (e.g., capsaicin) or patches (e.g., lidocaine).

Each type of chest pain requires a specific approach to diagnosis and treatment, and it is crucial to consult with a healthcare professional to determine the exact cause and appropriate treatment plan.

There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.