Free poems about someone leaving
Things that make you go YES YES, but end badly #FreeHongKong
2013.11.29 07:03 zeprince Things that make you go YES YES, but end badly #FreeHongKong
Things that make you go YES YES, but end badly
2009.12.27 16:43 A reddit for bad parking jobs.
2009.05.16 17:36 wrboyce Photo Critique
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2024.05.17 10:19 Active_Fly3923 Want to end my life to save the same parents I've come to resent
I(23F) have known i was queer since i was 13. I care about my parents but theyre very conservative especially when it comes to marriage. Marriage in our family is kind of a sad affai, youre not allowed to smile or choose your own clothes, or even talk to the groom til the day of the wedding. Dancing, music etc. Is also frowned upon. No romance or happiness behind it, it's an oddly serious affair. So I've never seen the appeal of marriage. Most of the weddings end up being abusive towards the girl becauze of how conservative we are and how young they are. Most narriages happen at 19 to 21. My parents have agreed to wait till im 24 to 25. I dont have a lot of time left.
So my parents havebeen pusing marriage as an inevitability and i dont know what to do. I have a girlfriend of 5 years who i want to marry, my own way, but theyll never agree and everyday my future feels muddled.
Feels like my queerness has impacted my relationship with my parents since i realised i was gay. Just idk the fact that someday they will end up disowning me hangs over my head as an inevitability of life and it's been hard, living with people who would not hesitate to beat the life out of me and throw me out of the house if they found out. I know this because it happened to my cousin, she isnt even gay. Just wanted to marry a guy she wanted to. They thrashed her and threw her in her room and locked it. And she hung herself there and I am scared thats what will happen to me. I resent then for making me have to choose between them and a happy marriage to someone i genuinely care about. All that resentment has piled up and I can't talk to them withoutbfeeling on the defense all the time.
I'm terrified of my choices hurting my parents after everything they've invested in me. The heratbreak and suffering and betrayal and shame they'll face. My mother used to have depression. She is okay now but what if I leave and she hangs herself. They keep bringing proposals and rishtas and I can't say no for much longer. Been feeling like if I die things will be alright. My gf will move on, my parents will never know their daughter was gay. I've been dealing qith a lot of mental issues and maybebI'll finally feel peace for once if i do it. Make it look like an accident somehow. Im not sure. There doesn't seem to be a way out.
submitted by Active_Fly3923 to LGBTindia [link] [comments]
So my parents havebeen pusing marriage as an inevitability and i dont know what to do. I have a girlfriend of 5 years who i want to marry, my own way, but theyll never agree and everyday my future feels muddled.
Feels like my queerness has impacted my relationship with my parents since i realised i was gay. Just idk the fact that someday they will end up disowning me hangs over my head as an inevitability of life and it's been hard, living with people who would not hesitate to beat the life out of me and throw me out of the house if they found out. I know this because it happened to my cousin, she isnt even gay. Just wanted to marry a guy she wanted to. They thrashed her and threw her in her room and locked it. And she hung herself there and I am scared thats what will happen to me. I resent then for making me have to choose between them and a happy marriage to someone i genuinely care about. All that resentment has piled up and I can't talk to them withoutbfeeling on the defense all the time.
I'm terrified of my choices hurting my parents after everything they've invested in me. The heratbreak and suffering and betrayal and shame they'll face. My mother used to have depression. She is okay now but what if I leave and she hangs herself. They keep bringing proposals and rishtas and I can't say no for much longer. Been feeling like if I die things will be alright. My gf will move on, my parents will never know their daughter was gay. I've been dealing qith a lot of mental issues and maybebI'll finally feel peace for once if i do it. Make it look like an accident somehow. Im not sure. There doesn't seem to be a way out.
2024.05.17 10:17 tareekpetareek Manpasand was an accounting fraud with beverages on the side
 | Original Source: https://boringmoney.in/p/manpasand-an-accounting-fraud (my newsletter Boring Money. Do visit the original link and subscribe if you'd like to receive similar posts directly in your inbox) submitted by tareekpetareek to IndianStreetBets [link] [comments] Let’s say you’re a company that wants to commit an elaborate fraud. What is the most egregious fraud that you can think of? Maybe let’s not start with egregious. Let’s start with something simple! Here’s something that’s reasonably common:
Now let’s go egregious:
Here’s a SEBI order from late in April about Manpasand Beverages. Manpasand used to be a beverages company based in Gujarat. In 2019 the company shut down because it got caught in a bunch of frauds. It’s only now that SEBI published the details of what was happening. Probably best summarised by fund manager Amit Mantri: [1] https://preview.redd.it/o85shr8p3y0d1.jpg?width=603&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26ace208d28eae2bb2401449f9b1dcc6bd1eefd0 Fake it till you make it (or don’t)Manpasand faked its revenue (of course). It also faked its expenses, customers, vendors, tax liabilities, etc. How did it get away with doing this stuff? I don’t know, someone’s gotta ask Deloitte. They were Manpasand’s auditor for eight years, resigning only in 2018. The company’s fraud came out officially in 2019—Deloitte, whose job was to make sure the books were right and also had access to all the inside information, figured that something was off only a year earlier!Anyway, SEBI appointed its own auditor to figure out what was wrong with Manpasand’s accounts and the auditor came back with a bunch of stuff. [2] Here’s the bit about Manpasand inflating its revenue. From SEBI’s order: … CGST vide letter dated July 07, 2019, inter alia, informed that Manpasand had shown inflated sales figure in its balance sheet by way of receipt/ supply of fake invoices without actual receipt/ supply of goods. It was further informed in the said letter that Manpasand had floated 38 bogus/paper firms to inflate its turnover and that inward and outward transactions made with such bogus firms amount to Rs.188.48 Crore and Rs. 691.30 Crore, respectively.Manpasand created 38 different companies and it both “sold” its products to those companies as well as “bought” stuff from some of them. Basically, Manpasand created real companies to play the role of its customers and vendors. … it was observed that the parties with whom transactions amounting to Rs.29.84 Crore were entered into, were not registered for dealing in the said goods/products being manufactured by the Company. Further, there was non-receipt of sale considerations and debtors balance were adjusted by passing journal entriesManpasand was a beverages company that was selling stuff to its customers. Traditionally a company like Manpasand might have distributors as customers but Manpasand’s customers were registered as something else entirely (I do wonder what, the order doesn’t mention it). These are fake customers that Manpasand created out of thin air. Establishing companies is quite a bit of effort! Why half-ass the part where you select the “business type”? I sort of understand though. I’ve done it too. Put so much effort into something that you’re bored by the end that you muck it up. I’m kidding! The real reason is probably that Manpasand wouldn’t have actually created these fake companies itself. There would be a middleman who would have them made in advance, all ready to go whenever needed to do fraud. Manpasand propped up its sales as well as its expenses by pretty much just funnelling money around from one entity to the other. In some instances, it wouldn’t even move real money around. It would just note down that it had to pay one company, and had to also collect payments from another company, and then cancel each other out. Manpasand was running its accounts on Splitwise. In general, there is nothing wrong with a company having such set-off arrangements. If you know your creditor owes money to your debtor, sure, cancel those transactions out. But how likely is it that a company’s suppliers and distributors know each other? And transact with each other? This post is public so feel free to share it. All except death and taxesIf you’re planning to do some accounting fraud, here’s something to keep in mind. I mean, I’m not not recommending that you do fraud, but if you do have your mind made up I might as well pass this along. Fake your sales, that’s fine. Fake your expenses, that’s fine too. But don’t fake your taxes, those guys will come after you.In 2019 right before Manpasand shut down, GST officials raided its offices and arrested the CEO, CFO and a director. If you think about it, one of the reasons Manpasand got away with its fraud for as long as it did was that its accounts looked reasonably realistic. Deloitte made sure of that! Manpasand didn’t just arbitrarily put in fake numbers, oh no. It showed transactions to back them up with actual companies. But any sales or purchases bring with it a cute goods and services tax, and the GST folks don’t care all that much about the fact that your sales are real. They’d like their share anyway. And not the GST you owe them, but because of how GST works, they would also want the GST your vendors (and your vendors’ vendors) might owe them. GST has this magical thing called “input tax credit” which is basically the GST council giving you magic points every time you pay GST as a customer. Say, you buy some glass to make some marbles. You pay GST when you buy that glass, and you get some magic points. When you sell your freshly manufactured marbles, you collect GST from your customers and can redeem those magic points which you got earlier to reduce the GST you actually pay. (This isn’t tax advice so don’t come after me if you mess up your taxes because of anything you read here.) These points are nice because they help save tax. But a basic requirement to use these points is that the company you bought your glass from has to have paid their fair share of GST in the first place! You only get the points if they’ve paid their tax! In Manpasand’s case the vendors it was dealing with existed solely for the purpose of enabling accounting fraud. Of course they weren’t going to be paying any tax. And yet Manpasand was claiming the magic points and reducing the GST it paid. These fake magic points is how the GST people figured out that there was something very wrong happening. If the GST raid hadn’t happened, would Manpasand have survived as a company? Absolutely not. But would it have survived longer than it did? Probably. Roll over, it’s a takeoverThings have already been a bit bizarre but what follows next is absolutely basket case. Here’s a section of Manpasand’s response to SEBI. From SEBI’s order:The Company is a victim of a pre-planned, fraudulent scheme and conspiracy perpetrated by Finquest Financial Solutions Pvt Ltd (FINQUEST) wherein under the garb of promise to provide working capital worth Rs.100 Crores, six documents were executed by and between MBL & FINQUEST. Within a span of two and a half months, it was clear that this entire so called transaction of providing working capital loan was nothing but a mere play to gain the entire control of MBL which is having asset base of around Rs.625 Crores…Finquest is an NBFC that lent money to Manpasand right after the GST raid happened and its officials were all in jail. Manpasand is claiming that Finquest’s goal wasn’t to just lend to the company and earn an interest income out of it, but to take over the company itself. Manpasand claims that Finquest defrauded it and even calls whatever they did a “hostile takeover”. Let’s humour this idea for a bit. If you’re a listed company worried about a hostile takeover, you’d look at who’s buying your stock. That’s the normal way for hostile takeovers to work. You wake up one day to realise that Elon owns 9% of your and immediately fall into a state of panic. If you don’t own enough of your company, Elon just might. Another hostile takeover could be by a distressed debt investor. You may have taken a loan from some banks or whoever some time back. The banks would’ve sold your loans to outside investors. But then because you’re in tough times, the investors would want to rid themselves of your loans at a discount. This distressed debt is then caught by investors trained in the art of recovering dollars from pennies. If you can’t repay your loans to these guys, they would be more than happy to squeeze it out of you. This is what happened with Byju’s US unit. But really, hostile takeovers aren’t common with distressed debt investors. They don’t want to run your company! They want their money back with some (a lot) of interest. [3] Finquest lent to Manpasand, it didn’t buy its stock. So maybe this was the second kind of hostile takeover, the distressed debt kind? Well, here’s Abhishek Singh, then director of Manpasand in an interview with Business Today back in 2019: Business Today: Dhirendra Singh [the CEO] has accused Finquest of a hostile takeover bid, while Finquest claims that it was always mentioned in the term-sheet that the company will be managed by a professional team until its money was parked with you. It will be nice to get your side of the story.Singh: Whatever amount has been transferred by the Finquest in the bank account of MBL was done in the new account opened by FFSPL's representatives in the name of MBL. The control of this new bank account lies with FFSPL's representatives. FFSPL was allowed operational access to business of MBL and not financial access, as per the term sheet dated July 3, 2019. …As per the term sheet dated July 3, 2019, FFSPL had right to nominate two directors on the Board of Directors of MBL, which shall constitute minimum one-third strength of the Board. Pursuant to this clause, FFSPL appointed three directors instead of two. The total strength of the board became six directors, one-third of this comes to two. Thus, one more director being a nominee of FFSPL was appointed. … What? Manpasand borrowed money from Finquest but the bank account where the money came in was controlled by Finquest? And Finquest got “operational access” (whatever that means) as well as a third of Manpasand’s board seats? This isn’t a hostile takeover! It’s a lamblike takeover. Honestly, I get it. Manpasand’s CEO and others were in jail. The company needed money. The only lender willing to lend to a shady company whose executives are in jail would be a shady lender. And that shady lender was Finquest—which, by the way, had done something similar before—but Manpasand took what it got. If there’s a second “don’t do this if you’re doing fraud” lesson in this, it’s this. Don’t borrow from a loan shark! Footnotes [1] A nice factoid is that Amit Mantri was the first to point out that Manpasand was manipulating its numbers all the way back in 2016. They did some really good on-ground research! [2] The auditor that SEBI assigned to do this, Chokshi & Chokshi, came back with 12 findings from Manpasand’s accounts. But I think I found a couple of mistakes? It wouldn’t in any way affect SEBI’s conclusion on Manpasand, but I find it funny that a story which is essentially about an auditor’s massive failure to do its job also has an auditor that probably wasn’t too careful themselves? I’ll probably write about this in a future post. [3] A distressed debt investor would prefer to take over a company to be able to put it into bankruptcy so that it can sell the company’s assets and recover its money. That’s very different from what the kind of takeover that Elon did of Twitter. Original Source: https://boringmoney.in/p/manpasand-an-accounting-fraud |
2024.05.17 10:15 reddit-merro-memes Worried for a friend
I have no idea what to do or feel, I just feel very hurt.
I'm f22 , and I have a friend for a while, who's m23. We were in a bit of drama involving another party, f18 and m22 (as of now) , to which I was dragged in to be pitted against f18 by m22 after dating for 2 months. I lost all my friends in the process because I was framed as the homewrecker and drama starter, everyone bought it except m23, who went out of his way to contact me after and check in, with updates and everything, saying he still saw me as innocent and wanted to continue being friends.
The thing is, I didn't exactly like f18 that much to begin with, due to her personality, but I feel sorry for her nonetheless, for the abuse and manipulation of m22. But when m23 told me he was dating f19 right after the breakup, I felt not only heart broken but worried because he said f19 was emotionally dependent on him, she joked many times about dating him for power (we were in a server) in spite of knowing I dislike those jokes, and m22 had spread rumors of her liking m23 to cause further breakup. She's also egged me on after the drama in spite of 'making up' (some triggering things were said but I just sucked up because I know she's loved by all), so I left because I felt unsafe and thought m23 would be biased to her anyway.
Not that I want to breakup m23 and his current relationship with f19, but I feel like he's being used as a rebound, because he is someone who gave up on love after being used in his first relationship, and I kinda don't want him to suffer or go through anything bad again. What I truly feel for m23, isn't important , I just care for him as a friend.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling or doing . We have talked about it, but I just want to see what advice I can get regarding this.
Tldr ; I'm worried that my only trusted friend is being used as a rebound.
Edit : When he came back to contact me after leaving, m23 went as far as to lie about not dating f19, just to remain friends with me, because I told him that if he's dating her, I'm scared I'd be forced to break our friendship for my own safety. I didn't want to look like I'm trying to take anything from her because I've already been framed, and I don't believe people change that easily over one fact.
submitted by reddit-merro-memes to offmychest [link] [comments]
I'm f22 , and I have a friend for a while, who's m23. We were in a bit of drama involving another party, f18 and m22 (as of now) , to which I was dragged in to be pitted against f18 by m22 after dating for 2 months. I lost all my friends in the process because I was framed as the homewrecker and drama starter, everyone bought it except m23, who went out of his way to contact me after and check in, with updates and everything, saying he still saw me as innocent and wanted to continue being friends.
The thing is, I didn't exactly like f18 that much to begin with, due to her personality, but I feel sorry for her nonetheless, for the abuse and manipulation of m22. But when m23 told me he was dating f19 right after the breakup, I felt not only heart broken but worried because he said f19 was emotionally dependent on him, she joked many times about dating him for power (we were in a server) in spite of knowing I dislike those jokes, and m22 had spread rumors of her liking m23 to cause further breakup. She's also egged me on after the drama in spite of 'making up' (some triggering things were said but I just sucked up because I know she's loved by all), so I left because I felt unsafe and thought m23 would be biased to her anyway.
Not that I want to breakup m23 and his current relationship with f19, but I feel like he's being used as a rebound, because he is someone who gave up on love after being used in his first relationship, and I kinda don't want him to suffer or go through anything bad again. What I truly feel for m23, isn't important , I just care for him as a friend.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling or doing . We have talked about it, but I just want to see what advice I can get regarding this.
Tldr ; I'm worried that my only trusted friend is being used as a rebound.
Edit : When he came back to contact me after leaving, m23 went as far as to lie about not dating f19, just to remain friends with me, because I told him that if he's dating her, I'm scared I'd be forced to break our friendship for my own safety. I didn't want to look like I'm trying to take anything from her because I've already been framed, and I don't believe people change that easily over one fact.
2024.05.17 10:14 Own-Surprise-2878 What to do when you are at your wits end with a marriage? 44M (poster) and 43F
Here is one for you all and its a long one. 44M here, been with my significant other for ~20 years, married for 11 years. At this point I don't feel like we are going to make it much longer. I don't think she wants to be with me anymore but needs me for financial support so she is trying to string me along.
Background:
I want to say right off that I know I am not perfect, have never pretended to be nor have I overlooked my shortcomings and have done everything I can to address and deal with my issues.At first things were good. We did things together, went out, hung out with friends together, bowled leagues together, had a lot of fun. We also had a good, sex life. We were having cuddling times, regular sex, great foreplay, she was pretty open to positions and trying things.
When we first got together she was working miscellaneous retail jobs. She had a 4 year college degree at this point as well but never even tried to find a job utilizing it. I was fine with her working whatever made her happy. I work in IT/Tech. I have always been the higher earner, making almost double her salary up until a couple years ago. I never once said anything about this, never gave her crap for making less or the job she worked. I only encouraged her to find a job she enjoyed. I went years, never saying anything that might hurt her, even when I was working 50-60+ hours of work in a tough field at a job I hated while she worked maybe 20-30 hours a week in a super easy job of her choosing. After about 10 years of us being together she finally decided to go back to school for computer science. To support her doing this we lived in a couple places and worked jobs I absolutely hated to make sure she could finish school without any pressure. Again, I never said anything to her about this, I did it so she could be happy. She ended up finishing and getting an extremely good paying tech job after a few years, around the time that I noticed the biggest changes about her. Prior to her latest job and changes, we were OK for a few years. We starting doing well together as we were both earning well and have no kids.
Start of problems:
After we were married for a few years she started changing. She stopped wanting to do things together, we went out less and less. Stopped watching shows and movies together, stopped gaming together. She started treating sex like a burden, made me feel bad for even trying to initiate it. She became more of a prude, stopped wanting to do almost anything sexual, stopped wanting cuddling/petting, lost almost all interest in foreplay that wasn't directly for her, she lost all interest in any type of intimacy, cuddling, foreplay, or really anything that isn't about her getting off.
I feel that I have been extremely patient over the years about all of this. She has some back issues (self inflicted, she was having soreness and pain but continued a workout regimen that was obviously not right and causing issues. I have tried to be understanding and accommodating since she had these issues. Sex was never really a big issue, even with the back problems we had a decent sex life until the last 5 or so years. She started wanting to do less and it really felt like she was just trying to get it over with (outside of when I was pleasuring her and getting her off. Once that was done it was like hurry up and finish.
More recently, last couple of years she has had 0 interest in sex or even anything physical. I mean I can barely kiss her, cant touch her at all without some excuse that it tickles or some other BS. No cuddling as she says I always pressure for sex, BS, I love foreplay and am happy with mutual getting off. I have mentioned the lack of intimacy, mentioning that is had been months since we did anything and it is always some excuse or a suggestion it may happen this weekend (going on 20+ " this weekend" without anything) . She has almost every excuse in the book as to why she doesn't want to without really having a good reason. She will blame her back bugging her but will then do a lot of work that is physically punishing, especially to someone with back issues and despite the fact that I said I would do it or try to help. I have also gotten several different things to help, wedge pillow to help with her back, tried it once and had some random complaint that I forget. She had mentioned trying a swing so she could have support in different positions. I found several options and she then made excuses about all of them, the primary one being support for the swing. I eventually called her on this being BS when the new house we got had a chain mount in one of the bedrooms ( looked like it was possibly for a heavy punching bag) that would be perfect for a swing and I tested it holding my full weight. I again mentioned getting a swing to make things better to only get additional excuses.
Further Issues:
We had always talked about wanting to move back to California and get a house there when we had the chance. We had also talked about houses we would like and things like that. When we started seriously talking about getting a house, she said she would check with work ahead of time about being able to move to another state as we had discussed, she did not. I don't think she even talked to her boss about it. She just refused to move outside of this state as she said her job required her to be her even though her boss lives in a completely different country.
When the time actually came to find and buy a house it did not work out the way I guess I had expected. Eventually, we purchased a house here after several fights as she decided she wanted a cheaper house to fix up. Not even considering the amount of work and money it would take to do so. One of her "options" was a run down ranch house that had a surprise renter (9 months left on a lease) in a very obviously water damaged basement. She picked out this house so she continued to try to justify buying it for about 100k over what it should be sold for. After about a week of looking at shitty houses and fighting she finally agreed to look at one of the houses I had chosen, the house we eventually purchased. It was a bit more but had almost all of our wants without the need to fix it up.
For the purchase, she provided the down payment from her inheritance and jointly financed the house. Once the purchase was finished and we moved in she changed, a lot. Things became more about what she wanted, she would mention things to me but completely ignore any input and just talk like what she wanted is what I chose too. Her dad then decided to visit and this was the largest wake up call I think I have had. I saw him doing all of the things that she does that annoy and frustrate me. I then realized that if I stay with her, dealing with this is my future. He took over the house and she treated me like an asshole for just wanting a bit of space that I could have to myself. She refused to deal with him or reign in his behavior. I think it was around this time that I realized that it felt like I didn't even have a home even though we just bought one, that I was just a wallet to help pay bills.
We ended up having a fight about this and I ended up leaving and staying at a hotel for a few days. This is where it got really eye opening as I considered this fight as something we would think about and get over. However, the first thing she did was talk to her friend and then reach out to divorce lawyers. She mentioned that she was talking to them about post nuptials to make sure she got the house and money. This was a signal to me, that she did not consider nor seem to appreciate all of the years that I spent working jobs I hated to supplement our income and cover for her while she went back to school. All it seemed she saw was that she got money now so the house and all of it was hers. She made a comment about how she felt the money, stocks, and house were hers. She added that she wanted a post nuptial to define this so I shouldn't be surprised if I get one to sign. Unsurprisingly, she never actually got this done, never mentioned it more so I am assuming she just got lazy and never followed up. One thing that stood out to me was that she mentioned that she could not afford the house by herself. She rambled off several things about us just being roommates and me continuing to pay for the house and bills. She came up with something about me paying and her giving me money back later or something, I ignored most of it as it was dumb, I.E. me leaving my checks going into our shared account and continuing to pay like I have been but doing so knowing she plans on keeping the house and that I might get some money later if she ever sold it. She also made a comment that I did a good job with the stocks so I should keep doing that for her and she would give me like a 1k in a few years. Since I started working with the portfolio and diversified the stocks I have made over 40k in gains for it so yeah I ignored this as I felt like it was insulting. This whole fight and conversation hit me hard, especially after 15+ years of me working hard, shitty jobs, to provide for us just to get slapped in the face by greed.
We ended up talking a bit after that fight after I ended up stopping by the house. She had mentioned previously about going to marriage counseling. I told her I didn't think it would help with our situation considering what the issues were but if she was willing to go and actually participate, I would be too. We ended up seeing a marriage counselor as she had suggested it previously and I wanted to try everything to make this work. I had previously mentioned that I didn't think it would work as she refuses to open up or discuss her issues with anyone and if she wont do that, it is a moot point. She said she would so we found a counselor and we went for a couple of months. During this time I was very open about my thoughts and feelings and gave the counselor details on my issues. She however, did not provide anything ahead of time, participate much, would not open up, and eventually said that we might as well not go as she didn't feel like we were gaining anything.
Turning Point:
I think the f*ck it point, straw that broke the camels back for me is that about a month ago, around 10 months or so since we had any kind of intimacy we had a fight. During the fight she admitted that she actually masturbates fairly regularly which really, really pissed me off as she knows the lack of sex and any kinds of intimacy was a big issue for me and was causing a lot of frustration. I was quiet about it as what I would have said would have started a big fight. I am now struggling because I cant really get over the fact that she shows me no interest, wont let me touch her, we haven't had sex in months and she admits to masturbating instead of having sex with me when she knows I am extremely sexually frustrated. To me, this shows her lack of caring about me and shows that she only really cares about herself and what she wants. This is furthered by conversations with her family I have overheard because she talks super loud on the phone and I guess she didn't realize I could hear her in the other room. This last conversation was essentially her talking about the money again and additional money she may get when her dad passes. She made the comment to them that in hindsight she would have made me sign a prenup as all of the money she has gotten and will get belongs to their family and she wants to keep it in their family. This was another moment when I was like what the hell, I am not your family?
I am torn, I have been with her for a long time, I do care for her, but she shows no interest in being with me. No interest in a relationship, doesn't want to do things together (she even said that if I want her do more things with me I have to do things she wants to do first), nothing for how I feel, what I want, no cuddling, no touching, nothing. It came down to the fact that she essentially wants a roommate that pays for her to have the house, help with chores, and helps take care of the dogs without expecting anything in return. She does not seem to get how she is, care how I feel, what I want, or really care about anything that does not benefit her.
I am at my breaking point, I have tried for years to give her everything and now as thanks, I get nothing from her. I am getting to old to keep wasting time in a loveless, sexless relationship but am also having a hard time walking away from a relationship I have been in for so long. After writing this out I am also realizing, well more wondering, what the f*ck I am doing as it seems pretty obvious I am bailing water out of a sinking boat.
submitted by Own-Surprise-2878 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Background:
I want to say right off that I know I am not perfect, have never pretended to be nor have I overlooked my shortcomings and have done everything I can to address and deal with my issues.At first things were good. We did things together, went out, hung out with friends together, bowled leagues together, had a lot of fun. We also had a good, sex life. We were having cuddling times, regular sex, great foreplay, she was pretty open to positions and trying things.
When we first got together she was working miscellaneous retail jobs. She had a 4 year college degree at this point as well but never even tried to find a job utilizing it. I was fine with her working whatever made her happy. I work in IT/Tech. I have always been the higher earner, making almost double her salary up until a couple years ago. I never once said anything about this, never gave her crap for making less or the job she worked. I only encouraged her to find a job she enjoyed. I went years, never saying anything that might hurt her, even when I was working 50-60+ hours of work in a tough field at a job I hated while she worked maybe 20-30 hours a week in a super easy job of her choosing. After about 10 years of us being together she finally decided to go back to school for computer science. To support her doing this we lived in a couple places and worked jobs I absolutely hated to make sure she could finish school without any pressure. Again, I never said anything to her about this, I did it so she could be happy. She ended up finishing and getting an extremely good paying tech job after a few years, around the time that I noticed the biggest changes about her. Prior to her latest job and changes, we were OK for a few years. We starting doing well together as we were both earning well and have no kids.
Start of problems:
After we were married for a few years she started changing. She stopped wanting to do things together, we went out less and less. Stopped watching shows and movies together, stopped gaming together. She started treating sex like a burden, made me feel bad for even trying to initiate it. She became more of a prude, stopped wanting to do almost anything sexual, stopped wanting cuddling/petting, lost almost all interest in foreplay that wasn't directly for her, she lost all interest in any type of intimacy, cuddling, foreplay, or really anything that isn't about her getting off.
I feel that I have been extremely patient over the years about all of this. She has some back issues (self inflicted, she was having soreness and pain but continued a workout regimen that was obviously not right and causing issues. I have tried to be understanding and accommodating since she had these issues. Sex was never really a big issue, even with the back problems we had a decent sex life until the last 5 or so years. She started wanting to do less and it really felt like she was just trying to get it over with (outside of when I was pleasuring her and getting her off. Once that was done it was like hurry up and finish.
More recently, last couple of years she has had 0 interest in sex or even anything physical. I mean I can barely kiss her, cant touch her at all without some excuse that it tickles or some other BS. No cuddling as she says I always pressure for sex, BS, I love foreplay and am happy with mutual getting off. I have mentioned the lack of intimacy, mentioning that is had been months since we did anything and it is always some excuse or a suggestion it may happen this weekend (going on 20+ " this weekend" without anything) . She has almost every excuse in the book as to why she doesn't want to without really having a good reason. She will blame her back bugging her but will then do a lot of work that is physically punishing, especially to someone with back issues and despite the fact that I said I would do it or try to help. I have also gotten several different things to help, wedge pillow to help with her back, tried it once and had some random complaint that I forget. She had mentioned trying a swing so she could have support in different positions. I found several options and she then made excuses about all of them, the primary one being support for the swing. I eventually called her on this being BS when the new house we got had a chain mount in one of the bedrooms ( looked like it was possibly for a heavy punching bag) that would be perfect for a swing and I tested it holding my full weight. I again mentioned getting a swing to make things better to only get additional excuses.
Further Issues:
We had always talked about wanting to move back to California and get a house there when we had the chance. We had also talked about houses we would like and things like that. When we started seriously talking about getting a house, she said she would check with work ahead of time about being able to move to another state as we had discussed, she did not. I don't think she even talked to her boss about it. She just refused to move outside of this state as she said her job required her to be her even though her boss lives in a completely different country.
When the time actually came to find and buy a house it did not work out the way I guess I had expected. Eventually, we purchased a house here after several fights as she decided she wanted a cheaper house to fix up. Not even considering the amount of work and money it would take to do so. One of her "options" was a run down ranch house that had a surprise renter (9 months left on a lease) in a very obviously water damaged basement. She picked out this house so she continued to try to justify buying it for about 100k over what it should be sold for. After about a week of looking at shitty houses and fighting she finally agreed to look at one of the houses I had chosen, the house we eventually purchased. It was a bit more but had almost all of our wants without the need to fix it up.
For the purchase, she provided the down payment from her inheritance and jointly financed the house. Once the purchase was finished and we moved in she changed, a lot. Things became more about what she wanted, she would mention things to me but completely ignore any input and just talk like what she wanted is what I chose too. Her dad then decided to visit and this was the largest wake up call I think I have had. I saw him doing all of the things that she does that annoy and frustrate me. I then realized that if I stay with her, dealing with this is my future. He took over the house and she treated me like an asshole for just wanting a bit of space that I could have to myself. She refused to deal with him or reign in his behavior. I think it was around this time that I realized that it felt like I didn't even have a home even though we just bought one, that I was just a wallet to help pay bills.
We ended up having a fight about this and I ended up leaving and staying at a hotel for a few days. This is where it got really eye opening as I considered this fight as something we would think about and get over. However, the first thing she did was talk to her friend and then reach out to divorce lawyers. She mentioned that she was talking to them about post nuptials to make sure she got the house and money. This was a signal to me, that she did not consider nor seem to appreciate all of the years that I spent working jobs I hated to supplement our income and cover for her while she went back to school. All it seemed she saw was that she got money now so the house and all of it was hers. She made a comment about how she felt the money, stocks, and house were hers. She added that she wanted a post nuptial to define this so I shouldn't be surprised if I get one to sign. Unsurprisingly, she never actually got this done, never mentioned it more so I am assuming she just got lazy and never followed up. One thing that stood out to me was that she mentioned that she could not afford the house by herself. She rambled off several things about us just being roommates and me continuing to pay for the house and bills. She came up with something about me paying and her giving me money back later or something, I ignored most of it as it was dumb, I.E. me leaving my checks going into our shared account and continuing to pay like I have been but doing so knowing she plans on keeping the house and that I might get some money later if she ever sold it. She also made a comment that I did a good job with the stocks so I should keep doing that for her and she would give me like a 1k in a few years. Since I started working with the portfolio and diversified the stocks I have made over 40k in gains for it so yeah I ignored this as I felt like it was insulting. This whole fight and conversation hit me hard, especially after 15+ years of me working hard, shitty jobs, to provide for us just to get slapped in the face by greed.
We ended up talking a bit after that fight after I ended up stopping by the house. She had mentioned previously about going to marriage counseling. I told her I didn't think it would help with our situation considering what the issues were but if she was willing to go and actually participate, I would be too. We ended up seeing a marriage counselor as she had suggested it previously and I wanted to try everything to make this work. I had previously mentioned that I didn't think it would work as she refuses to open up or discuss her issues with anyone and if she wont do that, it is a moot point. She said she would so we found a counselor and we went for a couple of months. During this time I was very open about my thoughts and feelings and gave the counselor details on my issues. She however, did not provide anything ahead of time, participate much, would not open up, and eventually said that we might as well not go as she didn't feel like we were gaining anything.
Turning Point:
I think the f*ck it point, straw that broke the camels back for me is that about a month ago, around 10 months or so since we had any kind of intimacy we had a fight. During the fight she admitted that she actually masturbates fairly regularly which really, really pissed me off as she knows the lack of sex and any kinds of intimacy was a big issue for me and was causing a lot of frustration. I was quiet about it as what I would have said would have started a big fight. I am now struggling because I cant really get over the fact that she shows me no interest, wont let me touch her, we haven't had sex in months and she admits to masturbating instead of having sex with me when she knows I am extremely sexually frustrated. To me, this shows her lack of caring about me and shows that she only really cares about herself and what she wants. This is furthered by conversations with her family I have overheard because she talks super loud on the phone and I guess she didn't realize I could hear her in the other room. This last conversation was essentially her talking about the money again and additional money she may get when her dad passes. She made the comment to them that in hindsight she would have made me sign a prenup as all of the money she has gotten and will get belongs to their family and she wants to keep it in their family. This was another moment when I was like what the hell, I am not your family?
I am torn, I have been with her for a long time, I do care for her, but she shows no interest in being with me. No interest in a relationship, doesn't want to do things together (she even said that if I want her do more things with me I have to do things she wants to do first), nothing for how I feel, what I want, no cuddling, no touching, nothing. It came down to the fact that she essentially wants a roommate that pays for her to have the house, help with chores, and helps take care of the dogs without expecting anything in return. She does not seem to get how she is, care how I feel, what I want, or really care about anything that does not benefit her.
I am at my breaking point, I have tried for years to give her everything and now as thanks, I get nothing from her. I am getting to old to keep wasting time in a loveless, sexless relationship but am also having a hard time walking away from a relationship I have been in for so long. After writing this out I am also realizing, well more wondering, what the f*ck I am doing as it seems pretty obvious I am bailing water out of a sinking boat.
2024.05.17 10:13 Ivypearl Took my dog to the best veterinary hospital in our area, they missed her severely advanced dental disease…. twice….
Located in CA
I took my 9 yr old lab Ivy to the vet for an emergency visit in the beginning of March. Our regular vet couldn’t take her so we had to go to the 24/7 animal hospital. They are excellent and I was willing to pay for whatever they needed to do to help ivy.
She had been very obviously sick and in pain, puking, diarrhea, not wanting to eat. They did an ultrasound, blood panel, urinalysis, fluids, meds. They found elevated liver enzymes and ketones in her urine. She was so sick they wanted to hospitalize her overnight. I asked what they would be doing and they said monitoring. I asked if I could just monitor her myself at home and bring her back right away if she gets worse? They gave me a couple prescriptions and sent us home. -$1729
I didn’t realize until the next day they didn’t give us any pain meds or anything to help Ivy’s eating (I’d tried seriously all the bland diet options, she didn’t want any of it) I went back to get her pain meds and prescription food, and the girl says they forgot to charge me for something else so she added that on too. -$150
Ivy was getting better slowly but still not her normal happy self at all. Sad, droopy eyes, wanting to sit curled up in my lap like a baby 😭 I kept doing everything they said and I took her back about a month later to check her levels again. We saw the vet, then went back out to the busy lobby to wait until someone came out to tell me the results or medications or whatever. So I sat in the lobby and waited, I asked a few times for updates bc I needed to get back to work. After 3 hours I asked if they could check and see what was going on.
There was another dog named Ivy there that morning and the receptionist closed out MY Ivy’s account (and charged the other lady’s card -$566 of my charges). I was annoyed and paid my bill (non-itemized invoice bc she couldn’t find mine) and Ivy and I went straight to work. Ivy is my service dog and sleeps under my desk.
They said the liver enzymes and urine ketone levels were both back to a normal level which was great news. They still couldn’t really give me a clear answer as to what could’ve caused all of this, sometimes they eat things, or just get sick, whatever. She said a slow recovery was normal bc livepancreas stuff is unpredictable, painful, and can take a while to heal.
The hospital’s office called me the next day to apologize for making me wait so long and reimbursed $316 (the liver panel, I think, I don’t have an itemized invoice). They offered this without me asking which I really appreciated.
Ivy has still been sick, but definitely better than when I first took her in. She was still acting sad, no interest in her favorite things. I knew she was in pain and brought her to a different vet last week.
Dr.S had been Ivy’s vet most of her life at our regular vet’s office - we love him. He left and started his own practice,and I just found his new location is 15 minutes away from my house!! It was kind of secretive when he left the other place, I think out of respect for the owners and not take half the clients with him. Anyway, I was really happy to find him again, I fully trust him. He was Ivy’s vet at her 8-week old visit, did her spay, all of it. Ivy is scared of men she doesn’t know and she loves Dr. S.
He took a look in her mouth and was like Whoa! Found it! He saw one badly rotten and cracked tooth in the back and wanted to get scheduled for removal right away. I bought the senior wellness plan for -$998. I was quoted $1200-1600 for surgery. (He was also going to remove a large benign mass from her side since she’d be under anesthesia already, I’d been wanting to do this for a few years so this is something I wanted him to do also)
This Tuesday was surgery day. He ended up removing 3 teeth, a molar on each side, and a front tooth that was cracked and broken off (I knew about this, I’d been told it wasn’t anything to be concerned about).
He said one of the molars and the front tooth both had exposed roots, the back one had an abscess and the root was touching the bone. He asked if I wanted the pictures bc it was really interesting and you don’t usually see it so advanced 😞 He said this is definitely what has been hurting her and making it hard to eat. He said they must have not looked in Ivy's mouth at all if they didn’t notice it- twice??
He didn’t have enough time to remove the mass. He said he wasn’t comfortable keeping her under any longer due to her age and blood pressure levels. Unless it grows rapidly we’re leaving it for now.
-$350 for everything this day, including surgery time & anesthesia, full dental cleaning & sealant,office visit, sedated nail trim, medications, canned soft food, heart worm testing, some other stuff included with the senior wellness package.
It’s been two days since she got her teeth out and she’s already smiling again. She was jumping around and trying to play with her brother (cat) and she only does that when she’s really excited!! Ivy is the best dog I could ever ask for. Seeing her in pain has been so hard, because I couldn’t help her!! I was trying everything but it wasn’t working. I’m so glad we found it and I think she will be able to get better now. I wasn’t so sure for awhile there.
I called the hospital place and told them what I found out and asked what happened. How could they have missed this- TWICE? The girl was really nice and agreed this was a “very valid concern” and asked me to explain everything to her and she would talk to the medical director, try to get some answers for me, and get back to me. She asked what I wanted the resolution to be. I said I thought it would be appropriate to ask for all of my charges to be refunded in relation to this event over the past couple months including Dr. S’s charges.
She called me back when I was at dinner so I missed her call.
Is this right? I don’t know what I’m looking for, feedback, reassurance, guidance? This is malpractice, right??
I talked to Dr.S’s receptionist today, she’s going to send me the photos and a breakdown of charges between the wellness plan and what I had done, try to make sense of what would be appropriate to ask them to refund. I kinda also want to ask them for $200 flat to reimburse the food/groceries spent trying to get her to eat, literally anything I could try on her bland diet, I tried! I don’t have receipts but I know I spent a shit ton of money as Ivy’s short order cook the last couple months. (Today she scarfed down her regular food for the first time in forever, I cried). Is this pushing it too far? Should I just take whatever they offer me?
What about the fact Ivy spent 2 1/2 months in pain & suffering from the time I brought her in to the day Dr. S did her surgery? She has lost weight, and has been pretty obviously miserable the whole time.
Thanks for reading.
submitted by Ivypearl to legaladvice [link] [comments]
I took my 9 yr old lab Ivy to the vet for an emergency visit in the beginning of March. Our regular vet couldn’t take her so we had to go to the 24/7 animal hospital. They are excellent and I was willing to pay for whatever they needed to do to help ivy.
She had been very obviously sick and in pain, puking, diarrhea, not wanting to eat. They did an ultrasound, blood panel, urinalysis, fluids, meds. They found elevated liver enzymes and ketones in her urine. She was so sick they wanted to hospitalize her overnight. I asked what they would be doing and they said monitoring. I asked if I could just monitor her myself at home and bring her back right away if she gets worse? They gave me a couple prescriptions and sent us home. -$1729
I didn’t realize until the next day they didn’t give us any pain meds or anything to help Ivy’s eating (I’d tried seriously all the bland diet options, she didn’t want any of it) I went back to get her pain meds and prescription food, and the girl says they forgot to charge me for something else so she added that on too. -$150
Ivy was getting better slowly but still not her normal happy self at all. Sad, droopy eyes, wanting to sit curled up in my lap like a baby 😭 I kept doing everything they said and I took her back about a month later to check her levels again. We saw the vet, then went back out to the busy lobby to wait until someone came out to tell me the results or medications or whatever. So I sat in the lobby and waited, I asked a few times for updates bc I needed to get back to work. After 3 hours I asked if they could check and see what was going on.
There was another dog named Ivy there that morning and the receptionist closed out MY Ivy’s account (and charged the other lady’s card -$566 of my charges). I was annoyed and paid my bill (non-itemized invoice bc she couldn’t find mine) and Ivy and I went straight to work. Ivy is my service dog and sleeps under my desk.
They said the liver enzymes and urine ketone levels were both back to a normal level which was great news. They still couldn’t really give me a clear answer as to what could’ve caused all of this, sometimes they eat things, or just get sick, whatever. She said a slow recovery was normal bc livepancreas stuff is unpredictable, painful, and can take a while to heal.
The hospital’s office called me the next day to apologize for making me wait so long and reimbursed $316 (the liver panel, I think, I don’t have an itemized invoice). They offered this without me asking which I really appreciated.
Ivy has still been sick, but definitely better than when I first took her in. She was still acting sad, no interest in her favorite things. I knew she was in pain and brought her to a different vet last week.
Dr.S had been Ivy’s vet most of her life at our regular vet’s office - we love him. He left and started his own practice,and I just found his new location is 15 minutes away from my house!! It was kind of secretive when he left the other place, I think out of respect for the owners and not take half the clients with him. Anyway, I was really happy to find him again, I fully trust him. He was Ivy’s vet at her 8-week old visit, did her spay, all of it. Ivy is scared of men she doesn’t know and she loves Dr. S.
He took a look in her mouth and was like Whoa! Found it! He saw one badly rotten and cracked tooth in the back and wanted to get scheduled for removal right away. I bought the senior wellness plan for -$998. I was quoted $1200-1600 for surgery. (He was also going to remove a large benign mass from her side since she’d be under anesthesia already, I’d been wanting to do this for a few years so this is something I wanted him to do also)
This Tuesday was surgery day. He ended up removing 3 teeth, a molar on each side, and a front tooth that was cracked and broken off (I knew about this, I’d been told it wasn’t anything to be concerned about).
He said one of the molars and the front tooth both had exposed roots, the back one had an abscess and the root was touching the bone. He asked if I wanted the pictures bc it was really interesting and you don’t usually see it so advanced 😞 He said this is definitely what has been hurting her and making it hard to eat. He said they must have not looked in Ivy's mouth at all if they didn’t notice it- twice??
He didn’t have enough time to remove the mass. He said he wasn’t comfortable keeping her under any longer due to her age and blood pressure levels. Unless it grows rapidly we’re leaving it for now.
-$350 for everything this day, including surgery time & anesthesia, full dental cleaning & sealant,office visit, sedated nail trim, medications, canned soft food, heart worm testing, some other stuff included with the senior wellness package.
It’s been two days since she got her teeth out and she’s already smiling again. She was jumping around and trying to play with her brother (cat) and she only does that when she’s really excited!! Ivy is the best dog I could ever ask for. Seeing her in pain has been so hard, because I couldn’t help her!! I was trying everything but it wasn’t working. I’m so glad we found it and I think she will be able to get better now. I wasn’t so sure for awhile there.
I called the hospital place and told them what I found out and asked what happened. How could they have missed this- TWICE? The girl was really nice and agreed this was a “very valid concern” and asked me to explain everything to her and she would talk to the medical director, try to get some answers for me, and get back to me. She asked what I wanted the resolution to be. I said I thought it would be appropriate to ask for all of my charges to be refunded in relation to this event over the past couple months including Dr. S’s charges.
She called me back when I was at dinner so I missed her call.
Is this right? I don’t know what I’m looking for, feedback, reassurance, guidance? This is malpractice, right??
I talked to Dr.S’s receptionist today, she’s going to send me the photos and a breakdown of charges between the wellness plan and what I had done, try to make sense of what would be appropriate to ask them to refund. I kinda also want to ask them for $200 flat to reimburse the food/groceries spent trying to get her to eat, literally anything I could try on her bland diet, I tried! I don’t have receipts but I know I spent a shit ton of money as Ivy’s short order cook the last couple months. (Today she scarfed down her regular food for the first time in forever, I cried). Is this pushing it too far? Should I just take whatever they offer me?
What about the fact Ivy spent 2 1/2 months in pain & suffering from the time I brought her in to the day Dr. S did her surgery? She has lost weight, and has been pretty obviously miserable the whole time.
Thanks for reading.
2024.05.17 10:11 Joy1067 Of Arrogance and Valor
“Incredible!”
The rebel reeled from the punch, the fist slamming through his protective helmet and cracking his jaw. He choked out a sob at the pain and the feeling of several of his teeth being knocked down his throat.
“This? This is what you send to try and rebel against the Imperium?! THIS?!”
A harsh kick was sent into the rebels stomach, making him cough up the rations he had that morning and a few of the once missing teeth. He grabbed his stomach and his body made to tilt forward and lay in the dust.
Only he was stopped as an armored gauntlet grabbed him by the throat and forced him to stand. His hands came up and grabbed at his attackers wrist as he stared into his own grim reaper.
Said killer wore the helmet of the Macraggian Auxilia, his faceplate being that of a stylized skull. His rank was shown proudly in the form of a centurions plum, blue and white horsehair picked out atop a gilded mount on the top of his helmet.
“Incredible. It’s truly incredible what passes for rebellion these days hm?”
The soldiers behind the centurion laughed or smiled as they watched their leader hoist the rebel up as if the rebel was some game beast that was just recently hunted. Pressure in the form of steam shot out of the centurions wrist, betraying the hidden augmented limb under the armor. The rebel tried to speak, scratching at the Centurion’s arm.
“What? Speak up damn you, and speak clearly. I have no time or patience to hear some long speech about tyranny or whatever else. We have your city to burn insurgent.”
And burn it would. Two large tanks with massive flamers could be seen in the back, protected by infantry and assault vehicles. The main force would break the walls, the infantry would kill the people, and the tanks would burn the rest to ashes.
“Aghh….thill….you….thasard!”
The rebel said, spitting blood and bone fragments from his shattered jaw through what was left of his faceplate.
“Ah. Nothing interesting to say. Oh well.”
The rebel tried in vain to speak again but was silenced as the centurion forced a power gladius through his mouth. He was then unceremoniously dropped to the dust, choking on blood as he watched the Macraggian soldiers march on his home. The last thing he saw before dying was his killer, taking his helmet off and smiling in a wide, cocky manner. ————————————————————————
“Don’t spare the body men, he was a rebel. March over him.”
Tiberius Victor, Centurion of the 3rd Macraggain Legion, yelled as he wiped the grim that had built up over his helmet. He scowled at the filth that adorned his armor and sighed.
“Bloody rebels will pay for more than just rebellion. Look at this! They scratched my faceplate! And that bastard I just killed dared to spit blood at me! Oh they will pay tenfold.”
He chuckled and shrugged as he replaced his helmet. He rolled his head and drew the lapistol he had holstered at his side. He examined it for a moment before shaking his head.
“Ugh….to easy.”
He holstered the pistol again and flourished his gladius as he grabbed the handholds of a Leman Russ tank that was about to pass him by. He climbed up until he stood on top of the tank and crouched down, using his newfound height to look over his army and the objective.
The city was massive….but so were the last three he had burned. Both Imperial Army and even Ultramarine Legion Command had told him he was too far ahead and that he needed to slow down. But where was the fun in that? Besides, the campaign has been far too easy thus far. He had suffered very few casualties, his men were never hungry and his tanks never ran dry on fuel, and the enemy bled. Oh how they bled.
He sighed.
“Easy. Far too easy. Captain?”
The command hatch the tank he rode popped open and a woman in the dirty coveralls and goggled helmet of a tank commander. She looked around, rubbing her eyes before turning and smiling widely. She gave a crisp salute, one which he lazily returned, before nodding.
“Aye my Centurion?”
“Do we have any more wine about? I’m parched from all these victories we keep piling on.”
The captain cringed then turned towards the city.
“Uh….my centurion? Wouldn’t you rather have some water?”
Tiberius turned his head towards the captain, the tilt of his head betraying the cocky smile hidden beneath that the captain and the rest of the army had come to love and hate.
“Captain….are you questioning me?”
“I-no! No, of course not my centurion! But uh….well….”
He made a ‘go on’ motion with his hand, not bothering to stand up from the relaxed position he had taken. He had laid down on his side, his sword hand having sheathed his gladius to prop his head up.
“Well….shouldn’t uh….shouldn’t wine be saved for victory?”
The centurion stared at her for a moment. A very long moment. Perhaps….to long of a moment.
“I….I apologize my centurion! I will-“
Laughter. The centurion was laughing, something he rarely did outside of combat or when around the campfires at night. He laughed loudly and caught the attention of several other Auxilia soldiers.
“True! Haha! I knew I kept you around for something Captain. Fine, me and you shall share the first bottle of wine after that….excuse for a city burns. Return to your duties captain.”
He waved the captain off then turned his head back to the city, not moving out of his relaxed position. She knew better then to consider him lazy or incompetent, she had seen him in action.
She saluted and quickly went back down into her tank. ————————————————————————
He held his helmet in the crook of his arm. He breathed in deeply, smiling as he watched the city burn. Something grabbed his boot and looked down, only to scowl in disgust.
A woman, her lower half aflame with one leg missing, held onto his boot and shin guard.
“Please….mercy! We surrender!”
He raised an eyebrow and followed the trail the rebel left in the dust to see several more wounded and scared rebels. One held up a white rag on a piece of rebar as a white flag.
Several of his auxilia aimed their rifles at the rebels as a sergeant began to moved forward with a pair of restraints.
He was stopped by Tiberius’s sword.
“Sergeant? What are you doing?”
“Uh…taking prisoners sir?”
The centurion tilted his head and smiled widely.
“Prisoners? I don’t recall ordering anyone to take prisoners.”
He lifted his boot and stomped on the wounded woman’s head, smiling wickedly at the crunch he heard under his foot.
“Uh….no my Centurion but legion command has-“
“Legion command? You are taking orders from Ultramarines instead of telling me that such orders have come through?”
“There was no time sir! The orders came fro-“
Tiberius put his helmet on and shoved the sergeant to the side, ripping the rifle from the soldiers hands.
“I see no space marines here soldier. I see soldiers and I see rebels. We kill rebels because we are soldiers.”
He took aim at the closest rebel, put his finger on the trigger and-
“Thats enough Centurion.”
He stopped. He slowly turned his head towards the new, feminine voice behind him.
“Excuse me troo-“
He stopped again and stared. She had to have been 10 feet or at least close, this goddess in blue and gold. Her short, cropped hair was golden blonde and a green, metallic laurel wreath was wrapped around her head to add to her noble features. She came with several ultramarines as an honor guard in tow but he was sure she could handle anything thrown her way with ease.
“The Lady of Macragge.”
He whispered in awe before looking around. Those under his command had shared his awe but where he shook himself free, the rest still stared.
“Damn you all, our Lady is here! Bow damn you! All of you bow!”
He paced up and down the line, ensuring his auxilia bowed. He then turned towards the rebels and pointed at the guards who stood over them.
“Them too, cmon now. Bow!”
The rebels resisted the guards orders and movements. The centurions rage grew as he stormed over and pulled his gladius from its sheath.
“I command thee BOW.”
He sliced the back of the knees of one of the captives, the man yelping in pain before yelling in agony from his nearly cut tendons. The rest fell in line quickly.
Tiberius marched towards the Primarch, her honor guard bringing their weapons to bare only for him to kneel down and stab his gladius into the dirt.
“My Lady. Centurion Tiberius Victor of the 3rd Macraggian Legion reporting.”
The Primarch stared down at the Centurion before her eyes went up and around. She took note of the rather large number of prisoners and the burning cityscape around them.
“A good campaign Centurion?”
Tiberius nodded, smiling widely under his helmet.
“Yes my Lady. I only wish it weren’t so boring, so easy! But it is done.”
It took every ounce of self control to not scowl at his arrogant and cocky nature. He spoke as if he had stomped on a bug rather than a rebels skull. Yet….something about him caught her attention.
“Remove your helm centurion.”
He did so without delay, removing his helmet and setting it at her feet. His hair was cut in the traditional military ‘high and tight’ fashion and he was mostly clean cut save for a well trimmed mustache that went no further than the corners of his mouth.
“I recall telling my command staff to recall you back as you had pushed to far ahead. Yet we stand here at the city we were meant to take, the one we were meant to hold. The one….that is currently burning to ashes around us. What do you have to say for yourself Centurion?”
He said nothing for a long time. Then, to her surprise, he laughed. The auxilia around them slowly looked at each other, their faces hidden beneath their helmets but all were worried or tense.
“Hahah! Ah….I say mission accomplished my Lady. I also say that this light really brings out the color of your eyes.”
He laughed again and slowly stood up while extending his arms out wide.
“I say I give you the best gift this galaxy can offer to someone like you from someone like me.”
His smile grew into the same cocky, full of himself grin those under his command knew so well.
“I give you victory, my Lady Juno.”
He held his gladius up and flourished it, letting the blade catch the firelight of a dying city.
“Victory.”
submitted by Joy1067 to PrimarchGFs [link] [comments]
The rebel reeled from the punch, the fist slamming through his protective helmet and cracking his jaw. He choked out a sob at the pain and the feeling of several of his teeth being knocked down his throat.
“This? This is what you send to try and rebel against the Imperium?! THIS?!”
A harsh kick was sent into the rebels stomach, making him cough up the rations he had that morning and a few of the once missing teeth. He grabbed his stomach and his body made to tilt forward and lay in the dust.
Only he was stopped as an armored gauntlet grabbed him by the throat and forced him to stand. His hands came up and grabbed at his attackers wrist as he stared into his own grim reaper.
Said killer wore the helmet of the Macraggian Auxilia, his faceplate being that of a stylized skull. His rank was shown proudly in the form of a centurions plum, blue and white horsehair picked out atop a gilded mount on the top of his helmet.
“Incredible. It’s truly incredible what passes for rebellion these days hm?”
The soldiers behind the centurion laughed or smiled as they watched their leader hoist the rebel up as if the rebel was some game beast that was just recently hunted. Pressure in the form of steam shot out of the centurions wrist, betraying the hidden augmented limb under the armor. The rebel tried to speak, scratching at the Centurion’s arm.
“What? Speak up damn you, and speak clearly. I have no time or patience to hear some long speech about tyranny or whatever else. We have your city to burn insurgent.”
And burn it would. Two large tanks with massive flamers could be seen in the back, protected by infantry and assault vehicles. The main force would break the walls, the infantry would kill the people, and the tanks would burn the rest to ashes.
“Aghh….thill….you….thasard!”
The rebel said, spitting blood and bone fragments from his shattered jaw through what was left of his faceplate.
“Ah. Nothing interesting to say. Oh well.”
The rebel tried in vain to speak again but was silenced as the centurion forced a power gladius through his mouth. He was then unceremoniously dropped to the dust, choking on blood as he watched the Macraggian soldiers march on his home. The last thing he saw before dying was his killer, taking his helmet off and smiling in a wide, cocky manner. ————————————————————————
“Don’t spare the body men, he was a rebel. March over him.”
Tiberius Victor, Centurion of the 3rd Macraggain Legion, yelled as he wiped the grim that had built up over his helmet. He scowled at the filth that adorned his armor and sighed.
“Bloody rebels will pay for more than just rebellion. Look at this! They scratched my faceplate! And that bastard I just killed dared to spit blood at me! Oh they will pay tenfold.”
He chuckled and shrugged as he replaced his helmet. He rolled his head and drew the lapistol he had holstered at his side. He examined it for a moment before shaking his head.
“Ugh….to easy.”
He holstered the pistol again and flourished his gladius as he grabbed the handholds of a Leman Russ tank that was about to pass him by. He climbed up until he stood on top of the tank and crouched down, using his newfound height to look over his army and the objective.
The city was massive….but so were the last three he had burned. Both Imperial Army and even Ultramarine Legion Command had told him he was too far ahead and that he needed to slow down. But where was the fun in that? Besides, the campaign has been far too easy thus far. He had suffered very few casualties, his men were never hungry and his tanks never ran dry on fuel, and the enemy bled. Oh how they bled.
He sighed.
“Easy. Far too easy. Captain?”
The command hatch the tank he rode popped open and a woman in the dirty coveralls and goggled helmet of a tank commander. She looked around, rubbing her eyes before turning and smiling widely. She gave a crisp salute, one which he lazily returned, before nodding.
“Aye my Centurion?”
“Do we have any more wine about? I’m parched from all these victories we keep piling on.”
The captain cringed then turned towards the city.
“Uh….my centurion? Wouldn’t you rather have some water?”
Tiberius turned his head towards the captain, the tilt of his head betraying the cocky smile hidden beneath that the captain and the rest of the army had come to love and hate.
“Captain….are you questioning me?”
“I-no! No, of course not my centurion! But uh….well….”
He made a ‘go on’ motion with his hand, not bothering to stand up from the relaxed position he had taken. He had laid down on his side, his sword hand having sheathed his gladius to prop his head up.
“Well….shouldn’t uh….shouldn’t wine be saved for victory?”
The centurion stared at her for a moment. A very long moment. Perhaps….to long of a moment.
“I….I apologize my centurion! I will-“
Laughter. The centurion was laughing, something he rarely did outside of combat or when around the campfires at night. He laughed loudly and caught the attention of several other Auxilia soldiers.
“True! Haha! I knew I kept you around for something Captain. Fine, me and you shall share the first bottle of wine after that….excuse for a city burns. Return to your duties captain.”
He waved the captain off then turned his head back to the city, not moving out of his relaxed position. She knew better then to consider him lazy or incompetent, she had seen him in action.
She saluted and quickly went back down into her tank. ————————————————————————
He held his helmet in the crook of his arm. He breathed in deeply, smiling as he watched the city burn. Something grabbed his boot and looked down, only to scowl in disgust.
A woman, her lower half aflame with one leg missing, held onto his boot and shin guard.
“Please….mercy! We surrender!”
He raised an eyebrow and followed the trail the rebel left in the dust to see several more wounded and scared rebels. One held up a white rag on a piece of rebar as a white flag.
Several of his auxilia aimed their rifles at the rebels as a sergeant began to moved forward with a pair of restraints.
He was stopped by Tiberius’s sword.
“Sergeant? What are you doing?”
“Uh…taking prisoners sir?”
The centurion tilted his head and smiled widely.
“Prisoners? I don’t recall ordering anyone to take prisoners.”
He lifted his boot and stomped on the wounded woman’s head, smiling wickedly at the crunch he heard under his foot.
“Uh….no my Centurion but legion command has-“
“Legion command? You are taking orders from Ultramarines instead of telling me that such orders have come through?”
“There was no time sir! The orders came fro-“
Tiberius put his helmet on and shoved the sergeant to the side, ripping the rifle from the soldiers hands.
“I see no space marines here soldier. I see soldiers and I see rebels. We kill rebels because we are soldiers.”
He took aim at the closest rebel, put his finger on the trigger and-
“Thats enough Centurion.”
He stopped. He slowly turned his head towards the new, feminine voice behind him.
“Excuse me troo-“
He stopped again and stared. She had to have been 10 feet or at least close, this goddess in blue and gold. Her short, cropped hair was golden blonde and a green, metallic laurel wreath was wrapped around her head to add to her noble features. She came with several ultramarines as an honor guard in tow but he was sure she could handle anything thrown her way with ease.
“The Lady of Macragge.”
He whispered in awe before looking around. Those under his command had shared his awe but where he shook himself free, the rest still stared.
“Damn you all, our Lady is here! Bow damn you! All of you bow!”
He paced up and down the line, ensuring his auxilia bowed. He then turned towards the rebels and pointed at the guards who stood over them.
“Them too, cmon now. Bow!”
The rebels resisted the guards orders and movements. The centurions rage grew as he stormed over and pulled his gladius from its sheath.
“I command thee BOW.”
He sliced the back of the knees of one of the captives, the man yelping in pain before yelling in agony from his nearly cut tendons. The rest fell in line quickly.
Tiberius marched towards the Primarch, her honor guard bringing their weapons to bare only for him to kneel down and stab his gladius into the dirt.
“My Lady. Centurion Tiberius Victor of the 3rd Macraggian Legion reporting.”
The Primarch stared down at the Centurion before her eyes went up and around. She took note of the rather large number of prisoners and the burning cityscape around them.
“A good campaign Centurion?”
Tiberius nodded, smiling widely under his helmet.
“Yes my Lady. I only wish it weren’t so boring, so easy! But it is done.”
It took every ounce of self control to not scowl at his arrogant and cocky nature. He spoke as if he had stomped on a bug rather than a rebels skull. Yet….something about him caught her attention.
“Remove your helm centurion.”
He did so without delay, removing his helmet and setting it at her feet. His hair was cut in the traditional military ‘high and tight’ fashion and he was mostly clean cut save for a well trimmed mustache that went no further than the corners of his mouth.
“I recall telling my command staff to recall you back as you had pushed to far ahead. Yet we stand here at the city we were meant to take, the one we were meant to hold. The one….that is currently burning to ashes around us. What do you have to say for yourself Centurion?”
He said nothing for a long time. Then, to her surprise, he laughed. The auxilia around them slowly looked at each other, their faces hidden beneath their helmets but all were worried or tense.
“Hahah! Ah….I say mission accomplished my Lady. I also say that this light really brings out the color of your eyes.”
He laughed again and slowly stood up while extending his arms out wide.
“I say I give you the best gift this galaxy can offer to someone like you from someone like me.”
His smile grew into the same cocky, full of himself grin those under his command knew so well.
“I give you victory, my Lady Juno.”
He held his gladius up and flourished it, letting the blade catch the firelight of a dying city.
“Victory.”
2024.05.17 10:09 500DaysofR3dd1t [UK] Just had my first yearly review at my new job and no pay rise. Overall very happy otherwise. What next?
I've been working in the UK since 2018 as a software developeengineer. I have ILR and am one step away from citizenship. I've held 5 jobs before this one and never had 1-1s or reviews. I was severely micromanaged and bullied and I'm finally at a place where this doesn't happen. I have an Associate's and Bachelor's in a non-CS field. I'm self-taught and have been working in CS from 2009-2014. Took a sabbatical from 2015-2017 before jumping back in.
This brings me to my current job that has yearly reviews for all employees. I had mine and I'm doing great. No complaints from my boss. Just wants me to keep up the great work. I did mention by not paying me more money then I'm earning less due to inflation. Told me it is what it is, unfortunately. The turnover rate at my new job is pretty much non-existent. My software engineering job only came about because the previous guy of 43 years died. The head of R&D is 50 and has held no other job. He told me he didn't get a raise until seven years into the role and he would never leave because he loves all the people.
I'm the only woman on the team and everyone else on the team has been here 25+ years so there must be a reason they stay. My work thinks the benefits are enough to keep people like free childcare, first class travel, paid for holidays at a Ritz hotel, free movie tickets, etc. etc. I'd rather have a raise than all these silly perks.
I live 2hrs outside London and don't drive. I have tried applying to other jobs casually, but they only want to offer my current salary or lower. Can't move as my husband enjoys his job and wants to stay in the area. Plus he loves our house and the location. Should I update my CV and start applying seriously or wait it out and do something else?
submitted by 500DaysofR3dd1t to cscareerquestionsEU [link] [comments]
This brings me to my current job that has yearly reviews for all employees. I had mine and I'm doing great. No complaints from my boss. Just wants me to keep up the great work. I did mention by not paying me more money then I'm earning less due to inflation. Told me it is what it is, unfortunately. The turnover rate at my new job is pretty much non-existent. My software engineering job only came about because the previous guy of 43 years died. The head of R&D is 50 and has held no other job. He told me he didn't get a raise until seven years into the role and he would never leave because he loves all the people.
I'm the only woman on the team and everyone else on the team has been here 25+ years so there must be a reason they stay. My work thinks the benefits are enough to keep people like free childcare, first class travel, paid for holidays at a Ritz hotel, free movie tickets, etc. etc. I'd rather have a raise than all these silly perks.
I live 2hrs outside London and don't drive. I have tried applying to other jobs casually, but they only want to offer my current salary or lower. Can't move as my husband enjoys his job and wants to stay in the area. Plus he loves our house and the location. Should I update my CV and start applying seriously or wait it out and do something else?
2024.05.17 10:08 battenburg721 Partner no longer makes much effort, including in bed. It's got so bad I have considered leaving the relationship.
Partner no longer makes much effort, including in bed. It's got so bad I have considered leaving the relationship.
My partner is literally my best friend, my biggest supporter and the absolute best person I've ever been with. This is NOT a list of complaints without remembering all that they do for me.
Despite how amazing they are, it's starting to bother me how seemingly lazy they have become. I find myself doing majority of the house work, shopping and picking up the trail of mess that both of us leave every morning. Now I know that things can't be 50/50 all the time and we do have each others backs and pick up the slack when one another can't. We have a good understanding of this and each other. However, it's been constant for what feels like months where I've been doing everything and it's become exspected of me. This was brought to their attention, simply because I became too tired for it the other week. I posed the question by firstly asking if there was anything bothering them, anything that was preventing them helping me out from time to time and generally being as delecate about it as possible. They got defensive, an argument happened where they said I was lazy and do nothing. They later apologised and recognised that I had infact been picking up the slack for a considerable amount of time. That being said, I also didnt do anythijg for a few days, and I feel this is what actually showed them. Things to a small degree did change where they were more helpful and considerate of me. Though I already see it slipping back to what was.
Now.. to the intimate side of things. Was and still is amazing. However them focusing on my needs is very few and far between in recent months. To be straight to the point, they instigate things but make very little to no effort to make me feel good anymore, they may touch me for a matter of seconds or a minute or two at a push, then they are on at me to go down on them where it's either over then within minites or they tell me to stop and we have sex. As soon as they orgasm its game over. There's no effort to get me in the mood or to even make sure I've finished. They used to be so so attentive, they would worship my body as much as I did theirs and make sure I was on cloud nine. I think they have given me oral twice in this past year, where I give them most days. Honestly it just makes me feel totally used, unattractive and like they don't care for my needs. I've even wondered if they are interested in someone else because of how enthusiastic they used to be about me. Now I just feel like I'm some toy to use after I've slaved away doing all the cooking cleaning etc. It makes me feel angry, upset, uncared for. I don't know how to bring it up without them getting defensive or it resulting in me defending myself.
I've considered leaving the relationship.. not just due to the reasons mentioned because I feel that could be abit dramatic, but because of how its making me feel and the resentment im starting to have and il end up having. I don't ever want to resent my partner, I'd rather the relationship end before that point.
TL;DR - Partner makes no effort to satisfy my needs in the bedroom although they are not demanding or obscure. He has become lazy in the domestic aspects also and I don't know how to bring it up
submitted by battenburg721 to relationships [link] [comments]
My partner is literally my best friend, my biggest supporter and the absolute best person I've ever been with. This is NOT a list of complaints without remembering all that they do for me.
Despite how amazing they are, it's starting to bother me how seemingly lazy they have become. I find myself doing majority of the house work, shopping and picking up the trail of mess that both of us leave every morning. Now I know that things can't be 50/50 all the time and we do have each others backs and pick up the slack when one another can't. We have a good understanding of this and each other. However, it's been constant for what feels like months where I've been doing everything and it's become exspected of me. This was brought to their attention, simply because I became too tired for it the other week. I posed the question by firstly asking if there was anything bothering them, anything that was preventing them helping me out from time to time and generally being as delecate about it as possible. They got defensive, an argument happened where they said I was lazy and do nothing. They later apologised and recognised that I had infact been picking up the slack for a considerable amount of time. That being said, I also didnt do anythijg for a few days, and I feel this is what actually showed them. Things to a small degree did change where they were more helpful and considerate of me. Though I already see it slipping back to what was.
Now.. to the intimate side of things. Was and still is amazing. However them focusing on my needs is very few and far between in recent months. To be straight to the point, they instigate things but make very little to no effort to make me feel good anymore, they may touch me for a matter of seconds or a minute or two at a push, then they are on at me to go down on them where it's either over then within minites or they tell me to stop and we have sex. As soon as they orgasm its game over. There's no effort to get me in the mood or to even make sure I've finished. They used to be so so attentive, they would worship my body as much as I did theirs and make sure I was on cloud nine. I think they have given me oral twice in this past year, where I give them most days. Honestly it just makes me feel totally used, unattractive and like they don't care for my needs. I've even wondered if they are interested in someone else because of how enthusiastic they used to be about me. Now I just feel like I'm some toy to use after I've slaved away doing all the cooking cleaning etc. It makes me feel angry, upset, uncared for. I don't know how to bring it up without them getting defensive or it resulting in me defending myself.
I've considered leaving the relationship.. not just due to the reasons mentioned because I feel that could be abit dramatic, but because of how its making me feel and the resentment im starting to have and il end up having. I don't ever want to resent my partner, I'd rather the relationship end before that point.
TL;DR - Partner makes no effort to satisfy my needs in the bedroom although they are not demanding or obscure. He has become lazy in the domestic aspects also and I don't know how to bring it up
2024.05.17 10:08 Away-Answer- Some specific Pantheon tips for people struggling.
Gonna preface this by saying that Week 2 and especially week 3 onward are NOT typical raid encounters. Bungie put this into the game for the people that stomp on everything. The people with all the builds they might need, who know every role to every encounter and who are generally skilled at game. If you are someone that just does raids/dungeons on normal and doesn’t hunt down the PVE meta, you are going to struggle.
LFG starts to become unreliable at these difficultly levels. It sucks, but this where people in dedicated groups and clans benefit.
That being said, if you’re gonna push forward, here’s some tips:
General: 1. Surge mods, Surge mods, Surge mods
Add clear: You should be farming them off spawn points. Sunbracer warlocks should be prioritized for this role. Sunshot is still great. The purple tormentor vortex thing can be shot and destroyed.
Runners: You are not exempt from add clear. The Psions and Incindeors are YOUR responsibility. Special weapons and grenades should be used to quickly burst Colossus. Fusions (Riptide or Scatter) and Supremacy with Tremors are fantastic.
Damage: Shoot boss at the Same Time off a 2-3 second countdown. You will maximize damage this way. Supers should be reserved for Plate 3
Atraks: Honestly not a whole lot different than the norm. Parasite + Star Eater + T Crash makes this fairly free. Killing a couple Tormentors will secure the 500k if add clear is decent.
Oryx: Again Indebted kindness or a good sniper (besides whisper) is insane here for bomb knights and ogres. It’s a long damage phase. Easy to miss out on class warfare if you tunnel vision on shooting. Not a hard encounter.
Rhulk: Damage is where shit goes down. 1 guy should be the dedicated copy distraction person. A heat rises warlock can make this very easy by having the copy walk off the edge. Thunderlord can 2 phase IF you have enough burst supers. Rockets are the most reliable if not using Thunderlord.
submitted by Away-Answer- to DestinyTheGame [link] [comments]
LFG starts to become unreliable at these difficultly levels. It sucks, but this where people in dedicated groups and clans benefit.
That being said, if you’re gonna push forward, here’s some tips:
General: 1. Surge mods, Surge mods, Surge mods
- Class Warfare. Keping this at x3 throughout a damage phase often makes the difference.
- Elemental surges: Not absolutely necessary but highly recommended. Only for specific weapons/encounters can you navigate around this (Whisper for Oryx for example). If you aren't using surges, you better have best in class weapons. God roll Apex Predator or Edge Transit.
- The Pools last for a lot longer than you think. A new gazeholder doesn’t automatically mean you need to ditch the current pool
- The “free” gazeholder should either be priming the next bubble or doing damage themselves.
- Minotaurs will usually leave you alone but if you have to deal with them during gazeholding, Tractor Cannon makes light work of them. Tractor can also be used in between gazes to debuff Golgoroth.
- You will lose Golgoroth’s gaze instantly if you go invis.
- Runners: Lightweight weapons like Calus mini tool will help with speed if you are not loadout swapping. Spark of Haste on Arc will help with surviavablity if adds are a problem. Don't feel like you have to solo shoot symbols every time. There is enough time in this encounter to coordinate
- Addclear: Indebted Kindness trivializes this and makes it easy to help stunner with the arc shield centurions.
- Damage: Heavy on 1st plate, primaries on 2nd. Heavy + burst supers on 3rd plate.
Add clear: You should be farming them off spawn points. Sunbracer warlocks should be prioritized for this role. Sunshot is still great. The purple tormentor vortex thing can be shot and destroyed.
Runners: You are not exempt from add clear. The Psions and Incindeors are YOUR responsibility. Special weapons and grenades should be used to quickly burst Colossus. Fusions (Riptide or Scatter) and Supremacy with Tremors are fantastic.
Damage: Shoot boss at the Same Time off a 2-3 second countdown. You will maximize damage this way. Supers should be reserved for Plate 3
Atraks: Honestly not a whole lot different than the norm. Parasite + Star Eater + T Crash makes this fairly free. Killing a couple Tormentors will secure the 500k if add clear is decent.
Oryx: Again Indebted kindness or a good sniper (besides whisper) is insane here for bomb knights and ogres. It’s a long damage phase. Easy to miss out on class warfare if you tunnel vision on shooting. Not a hard encounter.
Rhulk: Damage is where shit goes down. 1 guy should be the dedicated copy distraction person. A heat rises warlock can make this very easy by having the copy walk off the edge. Thunderlord can 2 phase IF you have enough burst supers. Rockets are the most reliable if not using Thunderlord.
2024.05.17 10:05 MYSFITS_OFFICIAL Children of Sol 59
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Anglestan
Augustus 5, 1923
Facility 9, Mancheston
Colonel Jacobs
His hands flew through the folders General Jorgenson and Colonel Thatcher had. There were dozens of them, stacked upon each other all filed in alphabetical order. It had only been a few days since he had woken up from his coma and visited his home— now his mother’s grave. He clenched his fists at the thought. The grief and rage threatened to bubble and spill over once again. He took a deep breath and dragged out the exhale, almost to the point where he had emptied out his lungs.
He was the only one with clearance, and so he couldn’t disclose any of what he learned with his team. They would simply have to trust him and his judgment. Which he was sure they would do. His hands went over one of the folders skimming through it. There were multiple secret projects, but the ones with the most notes were Project S.T.A.R, Project L.U.N.A.R.I, Project R.E.V.I.V.E, Project D.A.W.N, and Project T.E.M.P.L.A.R.
The colonel decided to start with the most notes and papers. Project D.A.W.N.
He skimmed through the notes, reading through some of the details and highlighted words. Project D.A.W.N, the espionage project Thatcher had started placed two spies in Verlin who were to report directly to a Crescent general named Sienna Moretti who was apparently on humanity’s side.
So I was right. There was an espionage element. With the recent attacks and Thatcher’s death, however, it’s safe to assume that it had somehow failed. Either they got found out or they betrayed us. Both seem very likely, but if they were found out, it would be possible that they had died.
He read through all of it before setting the folder down. There were no new notes recently. He sighed and assumed that Project DAWN was a failure. Whether or not the agents were still alive and well, it was too risky to check if they had been compromised. It was better to assume that they had been and cut all contact. The only way to find out now was to go there himself and check. I can’t contact them again. There’s no telling if it would still be Moretti or the agents who would see my messages. It’s a big risk, and judging by the state of things, best to assume it failed.
He picked up another folder. This one had the label ‘under development’ on the folder. Project Templar. He opened the folder and was instantly met with a blueprint and drawings of a massive bipedal machine. It looked humanoid with strange proportions and was supposed to be standing at an impressive 30 meters, or 100 feet. The Titanic Engine Mech for Personal Land Assault and Reconnaissance.
It was apparently a joint project with the Church of Sol, utilizing new and advanced technologies he hadn’t heard of. A 203mm Gatling cannon on one arm, while the other had three different weapons. A massive firestarter that utilized a new type of fuel mixture that could theoretically spew flames a kilometer away using a high-pressure nozzle. The fuel was ignited using an electrical spark. The second weapon was a high-powered light weapon that fired a single powerful beam of focused light that was even further amplified by layers of focusing lenses that could increase its output several times. Its third weapon was… a dust domina?
Mark read through the specifications of the so-called ‘sand cannon’ weapon. It was a massive cannon that accelerated tiny particles several times. Each particle was to be electrically charged, and it would travel at immense speeds. Near impossible speeds. The resulting impact of a microscopic particle at such speeds would be enough to form a small crater and punch through armor like it was nothing. This weapon would fire multiple at the same time, which could literally eat away at anything on the opposing end.
In terms of secondary weapons, the titan had two missile launch chambers in front of its shoulder each containing about 40 missiles, and two massive howitzer cannons on top of it. Both are 800mm in caliber. It had massive stumpy legs that served as bunkers for a small platoon on each leg. Each leg had machine dominas and 155mm cannons. Its chassis held two nuclear reactors inside providing for its power and weaponry. Its armor was the thickest and most ridiculous he’d ever read. Two meters of heavy steel armor.
How far are we in terms of technology? This thing looks like it came out of an H.G. Wells sci-fi novel. He thought, shaking his head. It was over the top, but there was no denying its combat capabilities. If it was already under-developed then it must be the first prototype. This has already been approved. Guess I better see it for myself later and check how it's coming along. Construction apparently started just a few months before the invasion.
Next was project L.U.N.A.R.I. It was a project involving Six. “Huh,” he said, continuing to read on.
The Light Undone: Nocturnal’s Adaptive Resistance Initiative. As he read further, his eyes widened. The reason why Six was so special wasn’t just because of her immunity to all strigoi weaknesses, but because of her impressive ability to turn any true born strigoi like her. She could transfer her strain like any other strigoi and transform them into a version of hers. It however only seemed to work for naturally born strigoi. The new species of ‘half-breeds’ were called ‘Blessed Children’ as Thatcher had coined in the folder.
The plan was to turn all willing true-born hemolite strigoi into these blessed children. Able to withstand the sun. Immune to silver. Free from the dependency on blood. They could remove all the weaknesses of the strigoi and after the war— make it possible to integrate them into society as normal citizens living on the surface. The project folder also made mentions of a city-wide draft in Dante and highlighted the possibility of turning all Dantenite true born strigoi into these blessed children and renaming them as ‘Lunari’. A mix of the dark and the light. The light of Sol reflected in the children of the night.
“Thatcher, what the fuck have you been up to…” Mark whispered to himself.
While it was true that it could help in the war effort by utilizing Six and the dantenite population, it would also invite some unforeseen problems and consequences. Would humanity be okay with the Lunari? Would the world even be ready for them? Strigoi who were immune to the sun. They wouldn’t be impossible to kill, but they would be immensely more powerful if we were to take away their inherent weaknesses. This is a gamble. Its gain would only be seen during the war period, but its unintended effects on society could be catastrophic.
He frowned, setting the folder down. It was obviously Thatcher’s main plan; seeing as all her moves could be traced to the path of the eventual completion of this project. It seemed dangerous in the long run, but the duskwalkers and dantenites had been monumental in the war effort. Maybe it was the time the world started to accept them more. Isolation and segregation was definitely not the way to disperse fears and foster understanding.
If Thatcher thinks this is the next step forward… then I’ll put my faith in her plans.
Next up was Project S.T.A.R, or the Superior Tech and Adaptive Resistance. An upgrade to the current hemolite weapons and gear by using new researched studies. The Starfire Pattern Domina. The SFD-23 This thing features a new loading system and magazine, ditching the rotating cylinder most domina used, or the rotating helix magazine design of the current hemolite standard BM-16 domina.
The new domina had its magazine like a box… a strange design but it was certainly easier to handle than the bulky cylinders the helical mags used. In terms of ergonomics, it was smoother and fit more. Its placement however was on top of the domina, just above the barrel. Most of the weapon were to be made of lightweight polymers and the barrel itself were to be crafted out of reinforced aluminium. In addition to that, it had a 10-inch bayonet attached to it.
There were other new things as well, such as the composition of the bullet. Looking at the conceptual cross-section designs, Mark read through its description and how it would function. A .308 cased telescoped bullet covered in a silver jacket with break-away petals surrounding the main body. Inside the jacket was a penetrator core that was to be made of depleted uranium. It had a small amount of incendiary compound and… powdered white phosphorus behind an explosive compound. The thin silver jacket would deform and trigger the explosive compound inside the body. It would blow up causing massive internal damage and release the incendiary materials into the body with the flecks of powdered white phosphorus. The penetrator core could still potentially keep going and hit a second target, or punch through heavily armored targets.
Part of the new Project S.T.A.R was overhauling the armor and gear of not just the Hemolites but the Hunters as well. Starfire Mk 1. Carapace Armor. Carapace? It looked like plates of steel covered in a rubberized coat. It was supposed to be slipped on over the original hemolite body armor. It added a spring-loaded wrist blade to the gauntlet, a thicker coat made of resistant materials, and added extra padding for the knees, shoulders, and elbows.
However, the hemolites weren’t the only ones mentioned in the folder. It was to serve the Hunters as well. “Hunters…” Mark said. “August’s group is part of this initiative too.” He flipped through some of the pages. There were blueprints and drawings of an armored suit. A mechanized suit even smaller and more compact than the jotunn units. The Mark 1 STR battlesuit. It was supposed to hug the wearer’s frame and increase their overall power. It was supposed to be built of titanium alloy and a heavy steel frame with composite armor. It had a cooling system, life support systems that could recycle bodily fluids, and an exoskeleton frame that could increase the wearer’s strength and speed.
However, the real eye-opener was Thatcher’s notes. She had been ranting about the new human evolution, and how the Hunters were the first of the ‘Solari’. She wanted to enhance human genetics and push past the peak of human ability to reach greater heights. Implants and restructuring of the anatomy to make it more efficient. Using the blood of the goddess herself. She must have lost it. These are the ramblings of a lunatic. At least… if she didn’t mention the goddess. Why was the goddess important here?
The writings ended with the words: “See Project R.E.V.I.V.E, for more details.”
Mark eyed the final folder. His hands shook as he reached out to take it. Flipping it open, his hands nearly dropped it in shock. The goddess Helena was alive. There were pictures of her naked form floating in a giant tube of fluid. There were more of Thatcher’s ramblings and excited rants about the possibilities of such a discovery. Resurrection, Enhancement, and Veneration: Implementation of Visionary Evolution.
The goddess is alive?! According to the file, she’s currently under the Cathedral of New Lundun. Not only that, but the file also detailed the extraterrestrial tech that lay beneath the cathedral. So the goddess is real and she’s— not really a goddess, but rather, a vampyr who created herself a human body to stand in the sun, and decided that it wants to be on humanity’s side… what the fuck.
Mark’s frown and confusion only increased as he read on. Thatcher’s notes seemed to nearly descend into madness as she had written about creating ‘the first hundred’, alluding to the 100 members of the Hunters division. Her plan was to revive the goddess, and with her help and expertise in genetics— use her DNA to transform the Hunters into demi-humans. Super soldiers. Literal children of the goddess Helena. They would then don the STR battlesuits, the first of the superhuman warriors to defend humanity. Solari.
Their lightning-speed advancement into technology was heralded by studying the alien tech, which deepened the understanding of physics and engineering. Nuclear technologies, chemical warfare, new material sciences, the mechs, and walkers, it was spearheaded by trying to reverse-engineer technology centuries ahead of our own… for the past hundred years. It wasn’t completely stolen, however. More or less borrowed ideas that had been made into our own with our own designs and implements. Still, the speed at which the Church and the military had deciphered such advancements all by themselves was… impressive to say the least.
Still, the fact that the goddess was alive, and could be brought back was big news. Checking the file for details, he found that the previous general, Jorgenson, had already approved this project. It was their next step as soon as they returned from New Amsterdam; which never happened.
If Helena was alive, then she could end this war swiftly, or at the very least help greatly like she once did during the War of Darkness. Having the goddess back would throw a massive wrench in the Crescent’s plans. It would certainly be something they wouldn’t expect. Not even I expected this, since many sources say that the goddess had already ascended to watch over humanity, while conspiracy theorists claim she had died in battle and that the Church was worshiping a corpse. This could be the trick up our sleeves that no one would even consider.
The colonel quickly got up from his seat and gathered the main files he had read. He placed them in a bag and rushed outside of his office in Facility 9. He went over to a nearby room and flicked the lights on. “We need to go,” he said. In an instant seven hemolite soldiers got up from whatever they were doing and instantly stood in line.
“Sir! Whatever you need of us, sir,” the group said in unison.
They were Hemo-1. His former squad members. He had taken up Louis' suggestion that they be his personal security detail. It was a shame that he had basically placed the best hemolite team out of commission, but after all he had been through he convinced himself that he could be just a little selfish. He didn’t want to lose any more friends. Not on his watch. Not while he was in an office, and they were out fighting.
“We’re going to New Lundun. Better pack up, it’s going to be a long night.”
“Mark,” Olivia said.
Jacobs turned to her direction and gave her a nod.
“Colonel, sir, may I ask where in New Lundun?”
“Liv, you don’t need to do that with me. Please. I give all of you special permission,” the colonel groaned. “It’s so weird. I mean, ‘captain’ was bad enough, but now you’re acting like I’m an authority figure.”
“You… are, though,” Emma shrugged.
“I’m your friend, and Liv I’m literally your partner. Unless you have some kind of weird fetish, save it for later.”
Olivia grinned, shaking her head. “Duly noted!” she chirped.
“That’s better,” Mark chuckled. “Now come on, we have a cathedral to visit.”
“Uhh, I’m not sure if you noticed, but we’re kinda… strigoi?!” Louis groaned. “I’d burn the moment I step in that place! Plus, it’s coated in silver! Anything I even touch will give me burns!”
“Oh come on, Lou. You have fucking gloves on. As long as you’re not a clumsy dumbass you’ll be fine… oh wait.’
“Uh huh, just sayin’ what I think, boss.”
The group headed out and Mark said something on his radio. He then sat on the ground, making his joints pop. The rest of the squad shrugged and followed his example, sitting down on the grass and waiting for… nothing. Charles and Zach looked at each other in confusion. “Uh, sir?” they asked. “Aren’t we supposed to be heading out and traveling right now?”
“Oh yeah, we’re just waiting.”
“Foooor…?”
The colonel gave them a smirk as a loud noise began to make itself known. A hummingbird transport appeared out of the distance and stopped right above them, slowly descending into the grass. “Being colonel has its perks,” Mark said with a smile. He stood up and hopped inside the hummingbird as soon as it landed. “Come on now! We’ve got work to do! Last one aboard buys everyone food later!”
Emma zipped in before Mark could even finish his sentence, followed by Olivia, Phineas, Charles, Zach, and then Louis, who sadly took too long to process what the colonel said, and lagged behind.
“Aw, man! Fuck this shit.”
“Rules are rules, Lou. Prepare your wallet later.” Mark grinned.
With a smile, the colonel pulled Olivia to his side, who blushed for a moment before shaking her head. “Take us up! New Lundun Cathedral! How long would it take?” he asked the pilot.
“About an hour and a half!” The pilot replied. “Less if you want to get there as soon as possible!”
“Take your time! The night’s still young.”
The hummingbird started to lift up, taking them into the air. The group settled down in their seats and watched outside the open. Mark opened up a bag inside the hummingbird and took out some ear muffs built for a strigoi. Extremely loud noises were damaging for a strigoi’s enhanced hearing, so the military started implementing ear muffs for them after complaints from early deployments of the hemolite squads.
The trip didn’t take too long. In only an hour and twenty minutes they had arrived at the safe zone of New Lundun, heading straight for the cathedral. The night mass had just ended and people were leaving the cathedral. “Looks like we made it in perfect time!” Mark smiled. They hovered for a few minutes in the air before eventually landing down right in front of the statue of Helena.
As soon as they landed, the colonel and his group left the hummingbird. Mark instructed the pilot to wait for them. He went straight for the cathedral with his group following behind. He entered inside, clearing his throat. “Hello?”
“Well this is surely unexpected,” an old man said, walking up to greet them.
“Great Grandfather Aurelius. It’s uh, an honor.”
“Please. The honor is mine… I see you’re the new colonel. Yes, I’ve heard the news,” he said. “Would you mind telling me your name, young man? As well as your companions, if they feel so. I usually don’t allow duskwalkers here but, I have nothing against them. I’ll make an exception for your group.”
“Thank you, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “I am Colonel Mark Jacobs. These are my friends and security detail. Olivia, Zach, Phineas, Charles, Emma, and Louis.”
“I see, and what brings you here?”
“Since Thatcher’s demise, I was given access to her research and project folders upon taking up the title. I’ve learned about what’s under your cathedral,” Mark cleared his throat. “Would it be alright if we could see it? I’d like to check it for myself. Of course, under your permission and guidance, Great Grandfather.”
The church head looked from Mark to his companions. He pulled a slight frown and hummed. “Do these companions of yours have the clearance? Surely, we wish to keep our secrets hidden,” he said. Mark nodded.
“They do not have clearance to know what is in Thatcher’s folders and her findings,” the colonel nodded. “However, I give them permission to accompany me, and should they discover things for themselves, then you have my word and my trust that I can keep them from spilling state secrets.”
The Great Grandfather gave a short pause before ultimately relenting. “Very well,” he let out a sigh. “Follow me.”
Aurelius walked behind the altar and pulled the same lever, which opened the same staircase leading underground, where Jorgenson and Thatcher had once gone. “Over here, colonel,” he said. “I do not know you completely yet, but this is a big deal of trust I am giving you. Perhaps you would be the one to do things that Thatcher could not have.”
Mark nodded, he and his group followed the Great Grandfather down the staircase. It led down to a massive underground facility, with numerous priests, researchers, and scientists. Libraries, records, instruments, and artifacts of old. It was a treasure trove of learning.
“So,” Aurelius cleared his throat. “What would you like to know about?”
“This isn’t all of it,” Mark said. “Thatcher mentioned a living, breathing, Helena.”
His group behind him let out a soft gasp, but they tried their best to hide their surprise.
“Hm,” the Great Grandfather nodded. “Perceptive young man aren’t you? Very well.”
They were then led into another room, behind a set of heavy blast doors. If the whole group were trying to hide their surprise then, now they could barely contain it. Even the colonel stared awestruck at the things he had seen. Despite the near-magical objects around them, the true shock was the massive starship at the end of the hallway. “It’s impressive isn’t it?” Aurelius said. “All of the goddess’ artifacts and items at our disposal, to use and learn from, to integrate into our own. This is why Anglestan is the most powerful nation in the UHT in terms of development. When it comes to industry, however, that would go to the UNA. But we share our secrets with them. All our advancements are handed to them first before any other nation.”
“This is all amazing, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “But this is not what I’m here for.”
“No, it’s not.” Aurelius nodded.
He led them to another room, one that was sterilized and sported advanced machinery. Things that Mark had never even seen. There were screens with luminous green texts that appeared in front of it. Large panels with numerous keys, levers, and dials. Graphs of all sorts and beeping monitors. In the center, was the very thing he had come all this way to confirm. A large cylinder filled with liquid, sporting tubes and pipes connecting to its base. Inside was a woman of large proportion. Four arms, two legs, and six wings. In her bare chest was a symbol of the sun that seemed to glow dimly.
“There she is, there’s you goddess.”
Neither Mark nor his group spoke a word. He walked up to it, eyeing the woman inside. It really is her. Down to the last details. Golden hair, six limbs, six folded wings, and she looks massive. Probably as big as her statue just outside the cathedral. This is it. The very goddess in the history books, the one spoken about in legends and the one worshiped in the Churches of Sol.
“Can we free her?” he said.
The Great Grandfather nearly choked on his spit upon hearing those words. “Free her?! That could kill her! We don’t even understand this technology, let alone control it!” he said pointing at the panels. “The machines you see here are the best and most advanced we have based on what we can reverse engineer, but even then, the consequences of tampering with its functions may be disastrous!”
“I understand, Great Grandfather,” Mark said. “But we are in a dire situation, and the goddess may be our hope of turning this around. Whatever secrets of her tech that you don’t understand, wouldn’t she be able to teach us directly? What good is she floating around in Sol knows what?”
“That is her miraculous healing fluid. She had already built this contraption centuries ago in case anything were to happen to her, that her body’s natural healing could not sustain,” Aurelius said. “During the War of Darkness, Helena was struck with a weapon so deadly, her very cells began to tear away. The Reaper. Dealt to her by Absolem the progenitor. Her flesh was peeling from her body, and she began to decay whilst she still breathed. She entered this contraption and gave strict instructions to the Great Grandfather at the time, not to interrupt the healing process. The machine that monitored her, however, began to fail over time.”
“So this… these screens and panels…”
“Is only what functions we can understand. We took it upon ourselves to rebuild and study it the best we could. What we have right now is only a cheap imitation of a technology we do not fully comprehend,” he said. “It took us decades to even figure out the fundamentals and create a working prototype of this machine. By some miracle, the goddess’ healing process had remained even while we replaced components of technology ahead of ours.”
“But you know how to free her, don’t you?”
“I… yes.”
“Great Grandfather Aurelius,” Mark began. “We can end this war. Imagine what we could do with the goddess fighting on our side. We could advance even further, we could finally end the bloodshed, and we can show humanity that there is still hope. Imagine how people all over the world would feel seeing as their goddess has returned.”
“I wish I had your enthusiasm,” Aurelius said. “But it is simply too risky. The Church’s duty is to protect Helena and her legacy. We keep her alive, literally and figuratively. She nearly died the last time she was involved in a war. Would you risk losing the goddess?”
“Would you risk humanity losing?”
The Great Grandfather fell silent, looking back at Helena floating inside the tube, then to the panels that controlled it. He frowned and let out a long sigh. “The goddess said that we should not interrupt it. That it would end as soon as it was finished. Maybe we should trust her words.”
Mark shook his head. “I don’t spot a single blemish on the goddess. Not a single scratch,” he argued. “You said it yourself that the machine had begun to fail and you replaced components. How would you know that the thing that’s supposed to wake her up was not tampered with? Think about it. What you may think is a useless piece may be integral to the whole machine. Or maybe your replacements were not up to the task. Just because nothing’s happened doesn’t mean its functions have remained whole.”
“Young man, we simply cannot gamble with the goddess’ life here.”
“Have you no faith? Great Grandfather?”
Aurelius stepped back in shock. Mark’s companions looked at each other, clearly surprised as well. “Mark… I don’t think we should keep arguing with—” Olivia tried to say.
“No,” the colonel said firmly, cutting her off. “Great Grandfather Aurelius, do you think that Helena will not be able to pull through if we wake her? How long has it been? A century? How much longer will we wait? She may be immortal but humans aren’t.”
“I'm sorry, but the chances of failure are too high. The probability of her—”
“I don’t care about the probability! Would you rather put your faith in a statistic?!” Mark raised his voice. “I lost my mother to this war! My friends! My job! My eye, and almost my life! I’ve put mine on the line out there! You don’t know what it’s like out there! Was my mother’s death just a probability too? Was she just a statistic to you?! That as long as the numbers are good, no matter how many are lost, we are ‘winning’?!”
“Mark—!”
“No, Liv! He needs to know what’s really going on out there!” he spat. “Great Grandfather, with all due respect, but you don’t have a damn clue what it’s like to be in the field. You’re a man of faith, aren’t you? Take a risk. Everyone else has.”
Aurelius stood there, dumbfounded. He bit the inside of his cheeks and clenched his fists. “For your insolence, I would have had you flogged and stripped of your rank,” he glared at the young colonel. However, his features slowly softened, letting out a soft sigh. “But I have never seen such conviction. Mighty is your faith.”
The Great Grandfather moved over to the panels and reached into his robe, pulling out from around his neck a key with the symbol of the sun. He inserted it into the machine and turned. A beep sounded, right before Aurelius pulled a lever. In an instant, the fluid inside the glass chamber began to drain out into the tubes under it. Slowly, the chamber emptied and all that was left was the nude form of the goddess sitting in the glass.
“Did it work?” Louis asked, stepping forward and looking at the woman.
Aurelius stayed silent, his hands shaking in anticipation. Mark moved toward the glass chamber, when suddenly, the glass opened up like a door, releasing a fragrant mist. They stood there, watching for a whole minute. Nothing. At first nothing. The Great Grandfather looked like he was about to break down. His knees shook as he covered his mouth, thinking that he was responsible for the death of Helena.
That was when… a soft sound was heard. Movement. Olivia immediately went over to Mark and stood in front of him. Ready to protect him should anything happen. Slowly, the goddess moved more, her arms inched to the side.
Then, her eyes opened.
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Anglestan
Augustus 5, 1923
Facility 9, Mancheston
Colonel Jacobs
His hands flew through the folders General Jorgenson and Colonel Thatcher had. There were dozens of them, stacked upon each other all filed in alphabetical order. It had only been a few days since he had woken up from his coma and visited his home— now his mother’s grave. He clenched his fists at the thought. The grief and rage threatened to bubble and spill over once again. He took a deep breath and dragged out the exhale, almost to the point where he had emptied out his lungs.
He was the only one with clearance, and so he couldn’t disclose any of what he learned with his team. They would simply have to trust him and his judgment. Which he was sure they would do. His hands went over one of the folders skimming through it. There were multiple secret projects, but the ones with the most notes were Project S.T.A.R, Project L.U.N.A.R.I, Project R.E.V.I.V.E, Project D.A.W.N, and Project T.E.M.P.L.A.R.
The colonel decided to start with the most notes and papers. Project D.A.W.N.
He skimmed through the notes, reading through some of the details and highlighted words. Project D.A.W.N, the espionage project Thatcher had started placed two spies in Verlin who were to report directly to a Crescent general named Sienna Moretti who was apparently on humanity’s side.
So I was right. There was an espionage element. With the recent attacks and Thatcher’s death, however, it’s safe to assume that it had somehow failed. Either they got found out or they betrayed us. Both seem very likely, but if they were found out, it would be possible that they had died.
He read through all of it before setting the folder down. There were no new notes recently. He sighed and assumed that Project DAWN was a failure. Whether or not the agents were still alive and well, it was too risky to check if they had been compromised. It was better to assume that they had been and cut all contact. The only way to find out now was to go there himself and check. I can’t contact them again. There’s no telling if it would still be Moretti or the agents who would see my messages. It’s a big risk, and judging by the state of things, best to assume it failed.
He picked up another folder. This one had the label ‘under development’ on the folder. Project Templar. He opened the folder and was instantly met with a blueprint and drawings of a massive bipedal machine. It looked humanoid with strange proportions and was supposed to be standing at an impressive 30 meters, or 100 feet. The Titanic Engine Mech for Personal Land Assault and Reconnaissance.
It was apparently a joint project with the Church of Sol, utilizing new and advanced technologies he hadn’t heard of. A 203mm Gatling cannon on one arm, while the other had three different weapons. A massive firestarter that utilized a new type of fuel mixture that could theoretically spew flames a kilometer away using a high-pressure nozzle. The fuel was ignited using an electrical spark. The second weapon was a high-powered light weapon that fired a single powerful beam of focused light that was even further amplified by layers of focusing lenses that could increase its output several times. Its third weapon was… a dust domina?
Mark read through the specifications of the so-called ‘sand cannon’ weapon. It was a massive cannon that accelerated tiny particles several times. Each particle was to be electrically charged, and it would travel at immense speeds. Near impossible speeds. The resulting impact of a microscopic particle at such speeds would be enough to form a small crater and punch through armor like it was nothing. This weapon would fire multiple at the same time, which could literally eat away at anything on the opposing end.
In terms of secondary weapons, the titan had two missile launch chambers in front of its shoulder each containing about 40 missiles, and two massive howitzer cannons on top of it. Both are 800mm in caliber. It had massive stumpy legs that served as bunkers for a small platoon on each leg. Each leg had machine dominas and 155mm cannons. Its chassis held two nuclear reactors inside providing for its power and weaponry. Its armor was the thickest and most ridiculous he’d ever read. Two meters of heavy steel armor.
How far are we in terms of technology? This thing looks like it came out of an H.G. Wells sci-fi novel. He thought, shaking his head. It was over the top, but there was no denying its combat capabilities. If it was already under-developed then it must be the first prototype. This has already been approved. Guess I better see it for myself later and check how it's coming along. Construction apparently started just a few months before the invasion.
Next was project L.U.N.A.R.I. It was a project involving Six. “Huh,” he said, continuing to read on.
The Light Undone: Nocturnal’s Adaptive Resistance Initiative. As he read further, his eyes widened. The reason why Six was so special wasn’t just because of her immunity to all strigoi weaknesses, but because of her impressive ability to turn any true born strigoi like her. She could transfer her strain like any other strigoi and transform them into a version of hers. It however only seemed to work for naturally born strigoi. The new species of ‘half-breeds’ were called ‘Blessed Children’ as Thatcher had coined in the folder.
The plan was to turn all willing true-born hemolite strigoi into these blessed children. Able to withstand the sun. Immune to silver. Free from the dependency on blood. They could remove all the weaknesses of the strigoi and after the war— make it possible to integrate them into society as normal citizens living on the surface. The project folder also made mentions of a city-wide draft in Dante and highlighted the possibility of turning all Dantenite true born strigoi into these blessed children and renaming them as ‘Lunari’. A mix of the dark and the light. The light of Sol reflected in the children of the night.
“Thatcher, what the fuck have you been up to…” Mark whispered to himself.
While it was true that it could help in the war effort by utilizing Six and the dantenite population, it would also invite some unforeseen problems and consequences. Would humanity be okay with the Lunari? Would the world even be ready for them? Strigoi who were immune to the sun. They wouldn’t be impossible to kill, but they would be immensely more powerful if we were to take away their inherent weaknesses. This is a gamble. Its gain would only be seen during the war period, but its unintended effects on society could be catastrophic.
He frowned, setting the folder down. It was obviously Thatcher’s main plan; seeing as all her moves could be traced to the path of the eventual completion of this project. It seemed dangerous in the long run, but the duskwalkers and dantenites had been monumental in the war effort. Maybe it was the time the world started to accept them more. Isolation and segregation was definitely not the way to disperse fears and foster understanding.
If Thatcher thinks this is the next step forward… then I’ll put my faith in her plans.
Next up was Project S.T.A.R, or the Superior Tech and Adaptive Resistance. An upgrade to the current hemolite weapons and gear by using new researched studies. The Starfire Pattern Domina. The SFD-23 This thing features a new loading system and magazine, ditching the rotating cylinder most domina used, or the rotating helix magazine design of the current hemolite standard BM-16 domina.
The new domina had its magazine like a box… a strange design but it was certainly easier to handle than the bulky cylinders the helical mags used. In terms of ergonomics, it was smoother and fit more. Its placement however was on top of the domina, just above the barrel. Most of the weapon were to be made of lightweight polymers and the barrel itself were to be crafted out of reinforced aluminium. In addition to that, it had a 10-inch bayonet attached to it.
There were other new things as well, such as the composition of the bullet. Looking at the conceptual cross-section designs, Mark read through its description and how it would function. A .308 cased telescoped bullet covered in a silver jacket with break-away petals surrounding the main body. Inside the jacket was a penetrator core that was to be made of depleted uranium. It had a small amount of incendiary compound and… powdered white phosphorus behind an explosive compound. The thin silver jacket would deform and trigger the explosive compound inside the body. It would blow up causing massive internal damage and release the incendiary materials into the body with the flecks of powdered white phosphorus. The penetrator core could still potentially keep going and hit a second target, or punch through heavily armored targets.
Part of the new Project S.T.A.R was overhauling the armor and gear of not just the Hemolites but the Hunters as well. Starfire Mk 1. Carapace Armor. Carapace? It looked like plates of steel covered in a rubberized coat. It was supposed to be slipped on over the original hemolite body armor. It added a spring-loaded wrist blade to the gauntlet, a thicker coat made of resistant materials, and added extra padding for the knees, shoulders, and elbows.
However, the hemolites weren’t the only ones mentioned in the folder. It was to serve the Hunters as well. “Hunters…” Mark said. “August’s group is part of this initiative too.” He flipped through some of the pages. There were blueprints and drawings of an armored suit. A mechanized suit even smaller and more compact than the jotunn units. The Mark 1 STR battlesuit. It was supposed to hug the wearer’s frame and increase their overall power. It was supposed to be built of titanium alloy and a heavy steel frame with composite armor. It had a cooling system, life support systems that could recycle bodily fluids, and an exoskeleton frame that could increase the wearer’s strength and speed.
However, the real eye-opener was Thatcher’s notes. She had been ranting about the new human evolution, and how the Hunters were the first of the ‘Solari’. She wanted to enhance human genetics and push past the peak of human ability to reach greater heights. Implants and restructuring of the anatomy to make it more efficient. Using the blood of the goddess herself. She must have lost it. These are the ramblings of a lunatic. At least… if she didn’t mention the goddess. Why was the goddess important here?
The writings ended with the words: “See Project R.E.V.I.V.E, for more details.”
Mark eyed the final folder. His hands shook as he reached out to take it. Flipping it open, his hands nearly dropped it in shock. The goddess Helena was alive. There were pictures of her naked form floating in a giant tube of fluid. There were more of Thatcher’s ramblings and excited rants about the possibilities of such a discovery. Resurrection, Enhancement, and Veneration: Implementation of Visionary Evolution.
The goddess is alive?! According to the file, she’s currently under the Cathedral of New Lundun. Not only that, but the file also detailed the extraterrestrial tech that lay beneath the cathedral. So the goddess is real and she’s— not really a goddess, but rather, a vampyr who created herself a human body to stand in the sun, and decided that it wants to be on humanity’s side… what the fuck.
Mark’s frown and confusion only increased as he read on. Thatcher’s notes seemed to nearly descend into madness as she had written about creating ‘the first hundred’, alluding to the 100 members of the Hunters division. Her plan was to revive the goddess, and with her help and expertise in genetics— use her DNA to transform the Hunters into demi-humans. Super soldiers. Literal children of the goddess Helena. They would then don the STR battlesuits, the first of the superhuman warriors to defend humanity. Solari.
Their lightning-speed advancement into technology was heralded by studying the alien tech, which deepened the understanding of physics and engineering. Nuclear technologies, chemical warfare, new material sciences, the mechs, and walkers, it was spearheaded by trying to reverse-engineer technology centuries ahead of our own… for the past hundred years. It wasn’t completely stolen, however. More or less borrowed ideas that had been made into our own with our own designs and implements. Still, the speed at which the Church and the military had deciphered such advancements all by themselves was… impressive to say the least.
Still, the fact that the goddess was alive, and could be brought back was big news. Checking the file for details, he found that the previous general, Jorgenson, had already approved this project. It was their next step as soon as they returned from New Amsterdam; which never happened.
If Helena was alive, then she could end this war swiftly, or at the very least help greatly like she once did during the War of Darkness. Having the goddess back would throw a massive wrench in the Crescent’s plans. It would certainly be something they wouldn’t expect. Not even I expected this, since many sources say that the goddess had already ascended to watch over humanity, while conspiracy theorists claim she had died in battle and that the Church was worshiping a corpse. This could be the trick up our sleeves that no one would even consider.
The colonel quickly got up from his seat and gathered the main files he had read. He placed them in a bag and rushed outside of his office in Facility 9. He went over to a nearby room and flicked the lights on. “We need to go,” he said. In an instant seven hemolite soldiers got up from whatever they were doing and instantly stood in line.
“Sir! Whatever you need of us, sir,” the group said in unison.
They were Hemo-1. His former squad members. He had taken up Louis' suggestion that they be his personal security detail. It was a shame that he had basically placed the best hemolite team out of commission, but after all he had been through he convinced himself that he could be just a little selfish. He didn’t want to lose any more friends. Not on his watch. Not while he was in an office, and they were out fighting.
“We’re going to New Lundun. Better pack up, it’s going to be a long night.”
“Mark,” Olivia said.
Jacobs turned to her direction and gave her a nod.
“Colonel, sir, may I ask where in New Lundun?”
“Liv, you don’t need to do that with me. Please. I give all of you special permission,” the colonel groaned. “It’s so weird. I mean, ‘captain’ was bad enough, but now you’re acting like I’m an authority figure.”
“You… are, though,” Emma shrugged.
“I’m your friend, and Liv I’m literally your partner. Unless you have some kind of weird fetish, save it for later.”
Olivia grinned, shaking her head. “Duly noted!” she chirped.
“That’s better,” Mark chuckled. “Now come on, we have a cathedral to visit.”
“Uhh, I’m not sure if you noticed, but we’re kinda… strigoi?!” Louis groaned. “I’d burn the moment I step in that place! Plus, it’s coated in silver! Anything I even touch will give me burns!”
“Oh come on, Lou. You have fucking gloves on. As long as you’re not a clumsy dumbass you’ll be fine… oh wait.’
“Uh huh, just sayin’ what I think, boss.”
The group headed out and Mark said something on his radio. He then sat on the ground, making his joints pop. The rest of the squad shrugged and followed his example, sitting down on the grass and waiting for… nothing. Charles and Zach looked at each other in confusion. “Uh, sir?” they asked. “Aren’t we supposed to be heading out and traveling right now?”
“Oh yeah, we’re just waiting.”
“Foooor…?”
The colonel gave them a smirk as a loud noise began to make itself known. A hummingbird transport appeared out of the distance and stopped right above them, slowly descending into the grass. “Being colonel has its perks,” Mark said with a smile. He stood up and hopped inside the hummingbird as soon as it landed. “Come on now! We’ve got work to do! Last one aboard buys everyone food later!”
Emma zipped in before Mark could even finish his sentence, followed by Olivia, Phineas, Charles, Zach, and then Louis, who sadly took too long to process what the colonel said, and lagged behind.
“Aw, man! Fuck this shit.”
“Rules are rules, Lou. Prepare your wallet later.” Mark grinned.
With a smile, the colonel pulled Olivia to his side, who blushed for a moment before shaking her head. “Take us up! New Lundun Cathedral! How long would it take?” he asked the pilot.
“About an hour and a half!” The pilot replied. “Less if you want to get there as soon as possible!”
“Take your time! The night’s still young.”
The hummingbird started to lift up, taking them into the air. The group settled down in their seats and watched outside the open. Mark opened up a bag inside the hummingbird and took out some ear muffs built for a strigoi. Extremely loud noises were damaging for a strigoi’s enhanced hearing, so the military started implementing ear muffs for them after complaints from early deployments of the hemolite squads.
The trip didn’t take too long. In only an hour and twenty minutes they had arrived at the safe zone of New Lundun, heading straight for the cathedral. The night mass had just ended and people were leaving the cathedral. “Looks like we made it in perfect time!” Mark smiled. They hovered for a few minutes in the air before eventually landing down right in front of the statue of Helena.
As soon as they landed, the colonel and his group left the hummingbird. Mark instructed the pilot to wait for them. He went straight for the cathedral with his group following behind. He entered inside, clearing his throat. “Hello?”
“Well this is surely unexpected,” an old man said, walking up to greet them.
“Great Grandfather Aurelius. It’s uh, an honor.”
“Please. The honor is mine… I see you’re the new colonel. Yes, I’ve heard the news,” he said. “Would you mind telling me your name, young man? As well as your companions, if they feel so. I usually don’t allow duskwalkers here but, I have nothing against them. I’ll make an exception for your group.”
“Thank you, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “I am Colonel Mark Jacobs. These are my friends and security detail. Olivia, Zach, Phineas, Charles, Emma, and Louis.”
“I see, and what brings you here?”
“Since Thatcher’s demise, I was given access to her research and project folders upon taking up the title. I’ve learned about what’s under your cathedral,” Mark cleared his throat. “Would it be alright if we could see it? I’d like to check it for myself. Of course, under your permission and guidance, Great Grandfather.”
The church head looked from Mark to his companions. He pulled a slight frown and hummed. “Do these companions of yours have the clearance? Surely, we wish to keep our secrets hidden,” he said. Mark nodded.
“They do not have clearance to know what is in Thatcher’s folders and her findings,” the colonel nodded. “However, I give them permission to accompany me, and should they discover things for themselves, then you have my word and my trust that I can keep them from spilling state secrets.”
The Great Grandfather gave a short pause before ultimately relenting. “Very well,” he let out a sigh. “Follow me.”
Aurelius walked behind the altar and pulled the same lever, which opened the same staircase leading underground, where Jorgenson and Thatcher had once gone. “Over here, colonel,” he said. “I do not know you completely yet, but this is a big deal of trust I am giving you. Perhaps you would be the one to do things that Thatcher could not have.”
Mark nodded, he and his group followed the Great Grandfather down the staircase. It led down to a massive underground facility, with numerous priests, researchers, and scientists. Libraries, records, instruments, and artifacts of old. It was a treasure trove of learning.
“So,” Aurelius cleared his throat. “What would you like to know about?”
“This isn’t all of it,” Mark said. “Thatcher mentioned a living, breathing, Helena.”
His group behind him let out a soft gasp, but they tried their best to hide their surprise.
“Hm,” the Great Grandfather nodded. “Perceptive young man aren’t you? Very well.”
They were then led into another room, behind a set of heavy blast doors. If the whole group were trying to hide their surprise then, now they could barely contain it. Even the colonel stared awestruck at the things he had seen. Despite the near-magical objects around them, the true shock was the massive starship at the end of the hallway. “It’s impressive isn’t it?” Aurelius said. “All of the goddess’ artifacts and items at our disposal, to use and learn from, to integrate into our own. This is why Anglestan is the most powerful nation in the UHT in terms of development. When it comes to industry, however, that would go to the UNA. But we share our secrets with them. All our advancements are handed to them first before any other nation.”
“This is all amazing, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “But this is not what I’m here for.”
“No, it’s not.” Aurelius nodded.
He led them to another room, one that was sterilized and sported advanced machinery. Things that Mark had never even seen. There were screens with luminous green texts that appeared in front of it. Large panels with numerous keys, levers, and dials. Graphs of all sorts and beeping monitors. In the center, was the very thing he had come all this way to confirm. A large cylinder filled with liquid, sporting tubes and pipes connecting to its base. Inside was a woman of large proportion. Four arms, two legs, and six wings. In her bare chest was a symbol of the sun that seemed to glow dimly.
“There she is, there’s you goddess.”
Neither Mark nor his group spoke a word. He walked up to it, eyeing the woman inside. It really is her. Down to the last details. Golden hair, six limbs, six folded wings, and she looks massive. Probably as big as her statue just outside the cathedral. This is it. The very goddess in the history books, the one spoken about in legends and the one worshiped in the Churches of Sol.
“Can we free her?” he said.
The Great Grandfather nearly choked on his spit upon hearing those words. “Free her?! That could kill her! We don’t even understand this technology, let alone control it!” he said pointing at the panels. “The machines you see here are the best and most advanced we have based on what we can reverse engineer, but even then, the consequences of tampering with its functions may be disastrous!”
“I understand, Great Grandfather,” Mark said. “But we are in a dire situation, and the goddess may be our hope of turning this around. Whatever secrets of her tech that you don’t understand, wouldn’t she be able to teach us directly? What good is she floating around in Sol knows what?”
“That is her miraculous healing fluid. She had already built this contraption centuries ago in case anything were to happen to her, that her body’s natural healing could not sustain,” Aurelius said. “During the War of Darkness, Helena was struck with a weapon so deadly, her very cells began to tear away. The Reaper. Dealt to her by Absolem the progenitor. Her flesh was peeling from her body, and she began to decay whilst she still breathed. She entered this contraption and gave strict instructions to the Great Grandfather at the time, not to interrupt the healing process. The machine that monitored her, however, began to fail over time.”
“So this… these screens and panels…”
“Is only what functions we can understand. We took it upon ourselves to rebuild and study it the best we could. What we have right now is only a cheap imitation of a technology we do not fully comprehend,” he said. “It took us decades to even figure out the fundamentals and create a working prototype of this machine. By some miracle, the goddess’ healing process had remained even while we replaced components of technology ahead of ours.”
“But you know how to free her, don’t you?”
“I… yes.”
“Great Grandfather Aurelius,” Mark began. “We can end this war. Imagine what we could do with the goddess fighting on our side. We could advance even further, we could finally end the bloodshed, and we can show humanity that there is still hope. Imagine how people all over the world would feel seeing as their goddess has returned.”
“I wish I had your enthusiasm,” Aurelius said. “But it is simply too risky. The Church’s duty is to protect Helena and her legacy. We keep her alive, literally and figuratively. She nearly died the last time she was involved in a war. Would you risk losing the goddess?”
“Would you risk humanity losing?”
The Great Grandfather fell silent, looking back at Helena floating inside the tube, then to the panels that controlled it. He frowned and let out a long sigh. “The goddess said that we should not interrupt it. That it would end as soon as it was finished. Maybe we should trust her words.”
Mark shook his head. “I don’t spot a single blemish on the goddess. Not a single scratch,” he argued. “You said it yourself that the machine had begun to fail and you replaced components. How would you know that the thing that’s supposed to wake her up was not tampered with? Think about it. What you may think is a useless piece may be integral to the whole machine. Or maybe your replacements were not up to the task. Just because nothing’s happened doesn’t mean its functions have remained whole.”
“Young man, we simply cannot gamble with the goddess’ life here.”
“Have you no faith? Great Grandfather?”
Aurelius stepped back in shock. Mark’s companions looked at each other, clearly surprised as well. “Mark… I don’t think we should keep arguing with—” Olivia tried to say.
“No,” the colonel said firmly, cutting her off. “Great Grandfather Aurelius, do you think that Helena will not be able to pull through if we wake her? How long has it been? A century? How much longer will we wait? She may be immortal but humans aren’t.”
“I'm sorry, but the chances of failure are too high. The probability of her—”
“I don’t care about the probability! Would you rather put your faith in a statistic?!” Mark raised his voice. “I lost my mother to this war! My friends! My job! My eye, and almost my life! I’ve put mine on the line out there! You don’t know what it’s like out there! Was my mother’s death just a probability too? Was she just a statistic to you?! That as long as the numbers are good, no matter how many are lost, we are ‘winning’?!”
“Mark—!”
“No, Liv! He needs to know what’s really going on out there!” he spat. “Great Grandfather, with all due respect, but you don’t have a damn clue what it’s like to be in the field. You’re a man of faith, aren’t you? Take a risk. Everyone else has.”
Aurelius stood there, dumbfounded. He bit the inside of his cheeks and clenched his fists. “For your insolence, I would have had you flogged and stripped of your rank,” he glared at the young colonel. However, his features slowly softened, letting out a soft sigh. “But I have never seen such conviction. Mighty is your faith.”
The Great Grandfather moved over to the panels and reached into his robe, pulling out from around his neck a key with the symbol of the sun. He inserted it into the machine and turned. A beep sounded, right before Aurelius pulled a lever. In an instant, the fluid inside the glass chamber began to drain out into the tubes under it. Slowly, the chamber emptied and all that was left was the nude form of the goddess sitting in the glass.
“Did it work?” Louis asked, stepping forward and looking at the woman.
Aurelius stayed silent, his hands shaking in anticipation. Mark moved toward the glass chamber, when suddenly, the glass opened up like a door, releasing a fragrant mist. They stood there, watching for a whole minute. Nothing. At first nothing. The Great Grandfather looked like he was about to break down. His knees shook as he covered his mouth, thinking that he was responsible for the death of Helena.
That was when… a soft sound was heard. Movement. Olivia immediately went over to Mark and stood in front of him. Ready to protect him should anything happen. Slowly, the goddess moved more, her arms inched to the side.
Then, her eyes opened.
2024.05.17 10:02 Intelligent-Oil-2850 age regression and attachment (FP)
Heyyy,
So my names Ash, I’m turning F21 in September. I’m currently in my second year of uni and live at a residential college.
A bit about my background, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, my mum is a drug addict with psychosis, my dad passed away by suicide before I was born and my step-dad sexually abused me for most/all of my childhood. I was eleven when I went to the police and told them what was happening, after that I was placed in long term care with my carer (nan) and she was not physically abusive or unsafe but just very emotionally and psychologically abusive.
In year 7, after I had just been placed in care, I got very attached to my year 7 teacher, let’s call her Melissa, I was an eleven year old dealing with major ptsd and no support was given to me, anyways, I told her I loved her and wanted to be with her, obviously now when I look back I just wanted her to be my mum because I didn’t have one anymore, but as an eleven year old who spent the ages of 3 - 11 being molested, I thought it was normal to express love that way, anyways, she ended up filing a restraining order against me, expelling me and I got a formal caution from the police for harassment and stalking. My carer ended up hitting me and calling me weird, so ever since then our relationship has been very strained and I feel a lot of shame about my attachment problems but I know I need to be compassionate and kind to myself about it because it all stems from my mum and trauma.
Fast forward a few years, I kept forming attachments to different mother figures and over time I’ve learned how to manage the intensity of it better although internally I struggle with it just as much as I used to, it just doesn’t present the same way anymore.
Okay so that was all just for context, what I need advice on is my current attachment. As I said I live at a residential college, there we have a wellbeing and student support person, her names Anna, the moment I saw her I knew I’d get attached so I avoided her for weeks during my first year at the college last year, didn’t last long because I ended up having to see her for drinking too much and passing out at a club, I was given a drinking band for a week 😅 After that I emailed her many times and one of them was asking if she could be a parental figure type of person for me as I don’t have parents and she said yes but I don’t think she knew what she was getting herself into with me and my BPD and stuff lol rip
After that she gave me her number, a lot of the residents have her number, and then I started messaging her all the time and asking to come see her in her office all the time, I’d send her drunk text messages, I’d basically explode over text messages to her about my feelings and my thoughts and my trauma and everything really, she’d always respond in a caring manner. Last year I told her to go away and then come back so many times, it was very back and forth but she never took it personally because I think she understands why I behave the way I do sometimes, I had to make a statement to the police last year and she drove me there in her car.
Now it’s 2024 and it’s my second year living at the college and knowing Anna. I can open up to her more about things and talk more to her in person rather than messages all the time now, I do send goodnight and goodmorning texts though most days. I haven’t seen her or been in contact with her for almost a week now because she’s been so busy with running the college and everything and I guess I feel like I’ve been going crazy, my BPD favourite person symptoms really be going hard, the amount of messages I’ve sent about random ass shit argh. I just, she’s the first adult in my entire life who I have a stable relationship with, she doesn’t judge me or hate me or think I’m weird, all she wants is to support me and help me grow, I’ve never had someone like that in my life before and I just, I don’t know, I don’t want to lose her because she very much does feel like a mother figure to me, I feel like I’ve learnt so much from her over this past year already.
I just don’t know where this relationship is going, I don’t know if she actually cares about me or if she’s just doing her job and I don’t know, I don’t know what I want or my expectations, I know she can’t be my mum, she already has a family of her own but she did say when i leave she’s more than happy to catch up over coffee together
I just feel like when im with her I’m a child again and I act like one too it’s embarrassing but also she’s giving me a safe space to express myself and grow as an individual I guess
I don’t really know what I’m asking for I just want someone’s opinion on the situation and advice or something idk I’m sorry
Thank you for reading I’m kinda a bit stoned ngl ahaha
submitted by Intelligent-Oil-2850 to CPTSD [link] [comments]
So my names Ash, I’m turning F21 in September. I’m currently in my second year of uni and live at a residential college.
A bit about my background, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, my mum is a drug addict with psychosis, my dad passed away by suicide before I was born and my step-dad sexually abused me for most/all of my childhood. I was eleven when I went to the police and told them what was happening, after that I was placed in long term care with my carer (nan) and she was not physically abusive or unsafe but just very emotionally and psychologically abusive.
In year 7, after I had just been placed in care, I got very attached to my year 7 teacher, let’s call her Melissa, I was an eleven year old dealing with major ptsd and no support was given to me, anyways, I told her I loved her and wanted to be with her, obviously now when I look back I just wanted her to be my mum because I didn’t have one anymore, but as an eleven year old who spent the ages of 3 - 11 being molested, I thought it was normal to express love that way, anyways, she ended up filing a restraining order against me, expelling me and I got a formal caution from the police for harassment and stalking. My carer ended up hitting me and calling me weird, so ever since then our relationship has been very strained and I feel a lot of shame about my attachment problems but I know I need to be compassionate and kind to myself about it because it all stems from my mum and trauma.
Fast forward a few years, I kept forming attachments to different mother figures and over time I’ve learned how to manage the intensity of it better although internally I struggle with it just as much as I used to, it just doesn’t present the same way anymore.
Okay so that was all just for context, what I need advice on is my current attachment. As I said I live at a residential college, there we have a wellbeing and student support person, her names Anna, the moment I saw her I knew I’d get attached so I avoided her for weeks during my first year at the college last year, didn’t last long because I ended up having to see her for drinking too much and passing out at a club, I was given a drinking band for a week 😅 After that I emailed her many times and one of them was asking if she could be a parental figure type of person for me as I don’t have parents and she said yes but I don’t think she knew what she was getting herself into with me and my BPD and stuff lol rip
After that she gave me her number, a lot of the residents have her number, and then I started messaging her all the time and asking to come see her in her office all the time, I’d send her drunk text messages, I’d basically explode over text messages to her about my feelings and my thoughts and my trauma and everything really, she’d always respond in a caring manner. Last year I told her to go away and then come back so many times, it was very back and forth but she never took it personally because I think she understands why I behave the way I do sometimes, I had to make a statement to the police last year and she drove me there in her car.
Now it’s 2024 and it’s my second year living at the college and knowing Anna. I can open up to her more about things and talk more to her in person rather than messages all the time now, I do send goodnight and goodmorning texts though most days. I haven’t seen her or been in contact with her for almost a week now because she’s been so busy with running the college and everything and I guess I feel like I’ve been going crazy, my BPD favourite person symptoms really be going hard, the amount of messages I’ve sent about random ass shit argh. I just, she’s the first adult in my entire life who I have a stable relationship with, she doesn’t judge me or hate me or think I’m weird, all she wants is to support me and help me grow, I’ve never had someone like that in my life before and I just, I don’t know, I don’t want to lose her because she very much does feel like a mother figure to me, I feel like I’ve learnt so much from her over this past year already.
I just don’t know where this relationship is going, I don’t know if she actually cares about me or if she’s just doing her job and I don’t know, I don’t know what I want or my expectations, I know she can’t be my mum, she already has a family of her own but she did say when i leave she’s more than happy to catch up over coffee together
I just feel like when im with her I’m a child again and I act like one too it’s embarrassing but also she’s giving me a safe space to express myself and grow as an individual I guess
I don’t really know what I’m asking for I just want someone’s opinion on the situation and advice or something idk I’m sorry
Thank you for reading I’m kinda a bit stoned ngl ahaha
2024.05.17 10:02 prawnlord123 I keep making up scenarios about people hating me and it stresses me out
How do I stop these thoughts? My mind seems to always jump to the worst possible conclusions even when I am faced with a neutral scenario. Whenever I try to become closer to people, I always feel like they will end up hating me or abandoning me. My mind always seem to pick up irrelevant behaviours from people and twist them into signals that makes me think that they hate me. For example, if I noticed that someone has been taking more time to respond to my messages, my mind automatically thinks that it may be a sign that they are starting to find me annoying and tiresome, and they might leave me soon. Even though I know that there may be other, and more logical reasons to why they have been taking more time to reply, like they might be having a busy day, my mind still convinces me that the reason to their behaviour is because I am not good enough. As a result, I try to limit myself from contacting, or getting too close to people, but at the same time I feel lonely when I do that and I just feel so conflicted and selfish for wanting to get closer to other people. I am convinced that people will ultimately be happier without me.
I have talked to my family about this, but I still can’t shake off the feeling that I am just a burden to them, and that I don’t deserve their love and attention. I feel so guilty for not trusting them and it just worsens my self hatred whenever I talk to them about this.
It would be really nice if someone could give me some advice on how to eliminate these thoughts. Thank you so much in advance.
submitted by prawnlord123 to Advice [link] [comments]
I have talked to my family about this, but I still can’t shake off the feeling that I am just a burden to them, and that I don’t deserve their love and attention. I feel so guilty for not trusting them and it just worsens my self hatred whenever I talk to them about this.
It would be really nice if someone could give me some advice on how to eliminate these thoughts. Thank you so much in advance.
2024.05.17 10:01 lokithorr I need some advice
I’ve been having a real tough time for the past year. I’ve been mentally checked out in my relationship I’ve been extremely up and down and just not being a good person to my partner. We’ve gotten into an argument today and which was caused by me. She made it clear that shouldn’t couldn’t do this, but I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her. She made it clear on how I’ve been acting and that she’s been thinking that I wouldn’t get better mentally. She showed me things I’ve said or how I made her feel. He never noticed that being mentally unstable and being depressed affects your partner as well. We had an extremely long talk and we are still together I’m just afraid now that she’ll eventually want to leave me. I have bad anxiety I overthink and i have pass trauma that I need to work on within myself. I’m extremely insecure about myself and think she’ll find someone else or leave me and I just poor all how I feel onto her and make her feel like shit…any advice beside go to therapy? It sucks when you don’t have no one to vent to and this is what it has came down to…
submitted by lokithorr to lgbt [link] [comments]
2024.05.17 10:01 AutoModerator /r/GYM Daily Simple Questions and Misc Discussion Thread - May 17, 2024
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submitted by AutoModerator to GYM [link] [comments]
- Simple questions about your diet
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2024.05.17 10:00 cid_highwind_7 Mercedes Mone v Willow Nightingale
Ahead of their upcoming match at DON I think there is a potential problem and issue that no one is considering or thinking about. Let’s think critically about this for a minute:
The issue with this match regardless how good it can be is that when you think critically about it, it is a lose-lose situation for both. Let’s look at Willow first. Go back to how this feud started with the match to crown the inaugural NJPW Strong Women’s Champion. It’s no secret that Willow was never supposed to win that match at all no matter how you look at it. Mercedes breaking her ankle was unfortunate so obviously Willow was made the first champion. Now New Japan could have said “hey we didn’t plan this but let’s see where it goes people like Willow.” But they didn’t, New Japan took the title off of her so fast she had one successful defense and then immediately dropped the belt to Giulia who held it for almost 300 days. This just shows that they didn’t see her as a champion or believe that she could carry the title.
Now I think we are seeing the same thing with the TBS championship play out exactly like the Strong Women’s Championship. The worst move Tony Khan did was have Julia Hart drop the title to Willow at Dynasty because once again she will be champion for a little over a month when DON comes around. If Mercedes beats Willow for the title there then same thing AEW doesn’t believe that Willow can carry a title and sees her as just a short term place holder and effectively had buried her as a champion.
Now let’s look at Mercedes Mone. When she signed she was legitimately the biggest free agent signing and since her debut which will be almost 3 months before DON has done nothing but dance and talk with mid promos and has not had a match yet. Now before people cry “she’s not cleared medically yet” that’s nothing but an excuse. If she’s not cleared why debut her 3 months before you intend to really use her? Would have been better to just debut her at DON or even Dynasty for the Women’s world championship and not a mid card belt. By having her debut match before a title is putting so much pressure on her it’s almost stacked against her. So many people have already given up on Mercedes thinking her promos and dancing are mid. If Mercedes loses this match, her in ring debut, AEW has effectively buried her and turned her into a 10 million dollar (if reports are to be believed) jobber.
What Tony should have done is have Julia vacate the title and have either a triple threat between them and Sky Blue or just this singles match for the vacant title. That way everyone comes out no less because if this match ends clean then for the reasons I listed someone is getting buried. By having a very short match for the title at Dynasty which was not good a problem was created that didn’t need to be.
submitted by cid_highwind_7 to AEWFanHub [link] [comments]
The issue with this match regardless how good it can be is that when you think critically about it, it is a lose-lose situation for both. Let’s look at Willow first. Go back to how this feud started with the match to crown the inaugural NJPW Strong Women’s Champion. It’s no secret that Willow was never supposed to win that match at all no matter how you look at it. Mercedes breaking her ankle was unfortunate so obviously Willow was made the first champion. Now New Japan could have said “hey we didn’t plan this but let’s see where it goes people like Willow.” But they didn’t, New Japan took the title off of her so fast she had one successful defense and then immediately dropped the belt to Giulia who held it for almost 300 days. This just shows that they didn’t see her as a champion or believe that she could carry the title.
Now I think we are seeing the same thing with the TBS championship play out exactly like the Strong Women’s Championship. The worst move Tony Khan did was have Julia Hart drop the title to Willow at Dynasty because once again she will be champion for a little over a month when DON comes around. If Mercedes beats Willow for the title there then same thing AEW doesn’t believe that Willow can carry a title and sees her as just a short term place holder and effectively had buried her as a champion.
Now let’s look at Mercedes Mone. When she signed she was legitimately the biggest free agent signing and since her debut which will be almost 3 months before DON has done nothing but dance and talk with mid promos and has not had a match yet. Now before people cry “she’s not cleared medically yet” that’s nothing but an excuse. If she’s not cleared why debut her 3 months before you intend to really use her? Would have been better to just debut her at DON or even Dynasty for the Women’s world championship and not a mid card belt. By having her debut match before a title is putting so much pressure on her it’s almost stacked against her. So many people have already given up on Mercedes thinking her promos and dancing are mid. If Mercedes loses this match, her in ring debut, AEW has effectively buried her and turned her into a 10 million dollar (if reports are to be believed) jobber.
What Tony should have done is have Julia vacate the title and have either a triple threat between them and Sky Blue or just this singles match for the vacant title. That way everyone comes out no less because if this match ends clean then for the reasons I listed someone is getting buried. By having a very short match for the title at Dynasty which was not good a problem was created that didn’t need to be.
2024.05.17 10:00 Apprehensive_Ad4974 Fuck you mirrors!
Fuck all mirrors and reflections, stupid, lying bastards. How hard is it really though, to just leave a mirror alone? Why can’t someone just finally make a non-distorted mirror already? I just wanna know what I look like, is that too much to ask???! Everything is BROKEN! Mirrors, windows, cameras/photos/videos, they always mess up things!! You know maybe I might just hate myself less if only I was able to just trust what I saw, maybe I wouldn’t have to second guess everything I see if I didn’t know I was always a glance of another surface away from a totally different person. Like genuinely though, is it actually impossible to create a mirror that doesn’t disturb reality, is it actually because I really want to know. Honestly, to me, to know and to see what I really look like is priceless, and if I could afford it(which I absolutely can’t), oh I would PAY good money for a mirror that gave me an authentic look at myself. Ok I’m done, that’s my rant about deceitful peaces of glass.
submitted by Apprehensive_Ad4974 to EDAnonymous [link] [comments]
2024.05.17 09:59 ExaminationLife6833 Pay attention
I'm a 47f. In the late 80s, early 90s, my dad was so concerned about my maternal uncle. He was not openly, but obviously for the time, gay.
My uncle struggled with being gay, to the point that he eventually committed suicide in 2005.
But my OTHER uncle, the paternal, Mormon, side of the family. No concerns at all. He was a straight, Mormon, and a bit younger, so I was exposed to him regularly and without pause.
Surprise....it was my uncle that was straight, single, and fresh from returning from his mission uncle that was a molester. But because he was Mormon he was assumed a good guy.
This wasn't the only time being Mormon gave someone a free pass.
When my dad passed away, mom trusted Mormons with her investments, the sale of our home, and of course her children/grandchildren, only to be violated on every front.
I think it is clear that I am no longer Mormon, I just wish members would not instantly let their guard down when it comes to other members.
Pedophiles and con artists go by many names..... even Brother X, and Sister Y.
Please protect yourselves and your children.
submitted by ExaminationLife6833 to lds [link] [comments]
My uncle struggled with being gay, to the point that he eventually committed suicide in 2005.
But my OTHER uncle, the paternal, Mormon, side of the family. No concerns at all. He was a straight, Mormon, and a bit younger, so I was exposed to him regularly and without pause.
Surprise....it was my uncle that was straight, single, and fresh from returning from his mission uncle that was a molester. But because he was Mormon he was assumed a good guy.
This wasn't the only time being Mormon gave someone a free pass.
When my dad passed away, mom trusted Mormons with her investments, the sale of our home, and of course her children/grandchildren, only to be violated on every front.
I think it is clear that I am no longer Mormon, I just wish members would not instantly let their guard down when it comes to other members.
Pedophiles and con artists go by many names..... even Brother X, and Sister Y.
Please protect yourselves and your children.
2024.05.17 09:59 tpwrm just screaming into the void simplt to feel something
for the first time in a while i broke down pretty bad. ive thought too much into myself, about the fact i was essentially groomed without me even knowing it, fed and taught into having horrible fantasies involving myself a younger self a reflection. someone else who i encapsulate and wear the skin of, and then flaunt around in awaiting to be noticed and hopefully loved, because everyone loves him, and i want love too
he speaks and thjnks on his own because i gave him life, and that life has burdened him. he wishes to be put down yet he fears death at the same time, and he screams and cries when he feels it necessary, or if he wants to fucking die, which is lovely. tonight wasnt even human it was a dog, whining and crying. a fucked up dog, fuvked up fucked up
and we botb thoight but moreso him prior to that moment that we wished to be groomed again. whether it be we deserve it, or if we want it again, eitherway doesnt matter we'll take it in anyway. just to feel a bit of thst rush again and the sheer elation of being fucked senselessly until we couldnt even think anymore, to feel the embrace of that fucking man and have him rip us apart, or us rip him apart instead
but there is nothing to gain from it besides a temporary satisfaction. the worst part about it all is the person we didnt even block, we never fully realized they groomed us until it was too late. they probably dont even know my new names but its scary the idea they could prop up ahain whenever they like. but part of me wants that, so we can have a proper relief again. who knows maybe it'll fix me, this pseudo-relationship simply to fulfil each others desires, because im an adult now. that should make me more desirable right?
bodily, at the very least of course. mentally, not so much. but that is an adult nonetheless, right? they were 3 years older than me, making them 23 then. thats within my acceptable range with other adults yeah? do you think theyd take interest in me? an older version of the sick fuck they kept contained? except its a conscious willing decision, fully and now legally consensual. hell im sure they missed me, we ended off on an awkward note but maybe they'll see i can be exactly the way i was before! a dumb bitch with a hypersexual hyperhormonal body and an appetite for those older than me
i used to think it was my sexual assault that led to me being this way. or my cousin exposing me a bit too much to the internet. or my lack of adult supervision in general. neurotypical parents cant deal with autistic kids. but really i believe i was fucked the moment i came out of the womb. like no child ever thinks thats okay! aren't they all much wiser? apparently those my age were! so why didnt they fucking DO anything? a child visibly tearing itself apart and yet the things in danger were the fictional ones. oh boohoo, god forbid you exhibit clear traits of mental illness
everyone is all for mental health awareness and support until you exhibit the undesirable symptoms and have visible signs of trauma. trauma isnt just the constant lingering sadness its the inescapable haunting thing that can never leave you and beckons you to do things you would never do. and nobody is safe, if you were there too you'd listen to it too. i remember when i first hit puberty. i blamed it on my assault because i never processed what happened to me
and then 4 years later i engage and get fascinated with overlapping stories to my own, and i saw nothing wrong with it. because i never processed what happened to me, and when i found out it was too late. justas it is with everything else
i type like a madman i must SOUND mad but i swear. im telling as much as i can and this is as coherant as one can get
ive run out of things to say
submitted by tpwrm to Vent [link] [comments]
he speaks and thjnks on his own because i gave him life, and that life has burdened him. he wishes to be put down yet he fears death at the same time, and he screams and cries when he feels it necessary, or if he wants to fucking die, which is lovely. tonight wasnt even human it was a dog, whining and crying. a fucked up dog, fuvked up fucked up
and we botb thoight but moreso him prior to that moment that we wished to be groomed again. whether it be we deserve it, or if we want it again, eitherway doesnt matter we'll take it in anyway. just to feel a bit of thst rush again and the sheer elation of being fucked senselessly until we couldnt even think anymore, to feel the embrace of that fucking man and have him rip us apart, or us rip him apart instead
but there is nothing to gain from it besides a temporary satisfaction. the worst part about it all is the person we didnt even block, we never fully realized they groomed us until it was too late. they probably dont even know my new names but its scary the idea they could prop up ahain whenever they like. but part of me wants that, so we can have a proper relief again. who knows maybe it'll fix me, this pseudo-relationship simply to fulfil each others desires, because im an adult now. that should make me more desirable right?
bodily, at the very least of course. mentally, not so much. but that is an adult nonetheless, right? they were 3 years older than me, making them 23 then. thats within my acceptable range with other adults yeah? do you think theyd take interest in me? an older version of the sick fuck they kept contained? except its a conscious willing decision, fully and now legally consensual. hell im sure they missed me, we ended off on an awkward note but maybe they'll see i can be exactly the way i was before! a dumb bitch with a hypersexual hyperhormonal body and an appetite for those older than me
i used to think it was my sexual assault that led to me being this way. or my cousin exposing me a bit too much to the internet. or my lack of adult supervision in general. neurotypical parents cant deal with autistic kids. but really i believe i was fucked the moment i came out of the womb. like no child ever thinks thats okay! aren't they all much wiser? apparently those my age were! so why didnt they fucking DO anything? a child visibly tearing itself apart and yet the things in danger were the fictional ones. oh boohoo, god forbid you exhibit clear traits of mental illness
everyone is all for mental health awareness and support until you exhibit the undesirable symptoms and have visible signs of trauma. trauma isnt just the constant lingering sadness its the inescapable haunting thing that can never leave you and beckons you to do things you would never do. and nobody is safe, if you were there too you'd listen to it too. i remember when i first hit puberty. i blamed it on my assault because i never processed what happened to me
and then 4 years later i engage and get fascinated with overlapping stories to my own, and i saw nothing wrong with it. because i never processed what happened to me, and when i found out it was too late. justas it is with everything else
i type like a madman i must SOUND mad but i swear. im telling as much as i can and this is as coherant as one can get
ive run out of things to say
2024.05.17 09:58 OverallAlbatross8627 Boss not paying on time
Hi everyone/ anyone who can help
I’m currently a sole trader working/ sub contracting to someone in Auckland. I am in the trades.
I say sub contracting but I don’t do any work for anybody else and only work for the same person, so technically by some standards in NZ I am an employee.
My current boss is having financial trouble at the moment and has not been paying me on time and sometimes it will be weeks before I get paid (3-4 weeks)
I’m just wondering what if any action I can take to do something about this?
I have a young family and can’t afford to just leave in the current times we are living in. I have bills and mouths to feed.
Everybody gets paid fortnightly but lately he has just been making random excuses and telling me he can’t pay me because of X Y Z reason.
I think in NZ there is a grey area between sole trade employee and as sole traders if we wear the uniform, only work for the one company and work a certain percentage of our time for the same company every week we are basically employees.
I’m kind of just trying to find a way to get my boss to pay me on time like everyone else so I can afford to live.
Any advise would be helpful.
Thanks
submitted by OverallAlbatross8627 to PersonalFinanceNZ [link] [comments]
I’m currently a sole trader working/ sub contracting to someone in Auckland. I am in the trades.
I say sub contracting but I don’t do any work for anybody else and only work for the same person, so technically by some standards in NZ I am an employee.
My current boss is having financial trouble at the moment and has not been paying me on time and sometimes it will be weeks before I get paid (3-4 weeks)
I’m just wondering what if any action I can take to do something about this?
I have a young family and can’t afford to just leave in the current times we are living in. I have bills and mouths to feed.
Everybody gets paid fortnightly but lately he has just been making random excuses and telling me he can’t pay me because of X Y Z reason.
I think in NZ there is a grey area between sole trade employee and as sole traders if we wear the uniform, only work for the one company and work a certain percentage of our time for the same company every week we are basically employees.
I’m kind of just trying to find a way to get my boss to pay me on time like everyone else so I can afford to live.
Any advise would be helpful.
Thanks
2024.05.17 09:57 inwhichzeegoesinsane "See? He left, he doesn't care about us..."
Shhhhh, calm down, stop extrapolating. It's okay. I'm still here for you - the moment I know the real you wants me to be.
I feel it might not just be myself, facing storms. I've been tracking my demon, that shell-of-a-man you helped me discover lay within me. I'm starting to corner him, have him understood, figured out. (Thank you again for helping me to see him, and helping to remember Me. One way or another, you always do that. Knowing you is always a Light for me; even when it's just knowing of you, like I said with the Stones. =3)
Yet I'm wondering about Her, too. Your possible demon, the one who tells you I don't care. Can you feel her, do you hear her? "Protecting" you, yet isolating you.
She snidely scoffs, weaves you a shell by telling you you're superior, better off - yet she keeps you cut off, keeps you to herself; traps you in her own web of Words, their resonance shelling you, hiding you even from the warm salve of comfort and reassurance that might've helped soothe core wounds. (If you don't trust me, ask me about the digital village of healers I've come across.)
Your demon tells you not to connect with people - that we're all only going to hurt you, when the truth is many of us have scars on our hearts and souls too. Even if you hate me, if you never speak to me again - that joy I felt thinking you hadn't given up on us, on people in general, had me relieved. I don't know if I'd've ever forgiven myself if what I was to you was that last chance you gave us. Maybe you were right; you needed someone Secure (or earned-Secure). I hadn't been, yet. Still am not, though a lot of times I feel it.
You don't have to if you don't want to. I won't presume to tell you what your happiness would look like, anymore. That was my prize mistake; we can never decide happiness for each other, nor assume ours map to others'. I'm sure I'll make it again with others someday - I keep getting excited when I think I'v'e it figured out; but the truth is I rarely if ever do. I make mistakes, repeat, iterate. I'm sure it's when I'd assert something patently false that you'd've seen me, maybe accepted me with a chuckle (or an inevitably adorable eyeroll) had you stuck around.
What you want, what you decide - that is up to you, but remember you don't have to leave it up to your Demon, either. You decide what your happiness is, not me, not her. The real you who decides to agree it's worth it to reach out to people; not the one who'd sooner leave herself up in the tower, itself a cage of her own design. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one you felt comfortable letting your guard down around; I'm so, so sorry I didn't take the time to hear you, listen to you, realize how important that moment was to you.
The fact that I hurt you so much hurts me, because the person you are, I love so much too. You did what I thought impossible; made me fall in love with lights, yours shining brighter than any fiber-optic signals. In this beautiful era, this age of the 'net, having found each other through such a wonderful revolutionary iconic technology - I'd still have wanted to revisit the others through the ages with you. Telegraph and ham radio. :3 (Oooo! The lab could have Nixie tubes! =D)
...But yes, part of me will always love you, though you may doubt me - I know the person you are. You showed me, in perhaps the most beautiful, vulnerable display; that deluge of honesty a welcome reprieve in a sea of superficial people barely able to muster ten words to describe themselves. You were just you, and the you-you-are is
I'd give anything to hear your true voice again, as I feel I hear when you're talking to The Void, when you think no one's listening. I'd be silent for days, weeks, just to let her talk. And someday, I'll figure out what she needed - a keyword of silence, a Void to talk into, home field language advantage - for her storms and mine to finally harmonize, and layer together.
You decided back then to just be yourself, your full self, and damn the consequences. (Even if the consequences were an inexperienced blue blob who scampers too loudly to listen, only learns mistakes after he's broken the vase, can't read caution tape...) And that you - that honest, vulnerable, caring, loving, warm, cold, ruthless, pragmatic, silly, caring woman? Ask me how I feel about her in person sometime; after you've convinced yourself I couldn't possibly have known you, loved you; and maybe then you'll believe me when I hold her close, and tell her how long I knew.
And I might never get to do that; but no matter what happens, Bee... I wish you all the happiness in the world.
I won't mark this "Strangers" [nb: I was gonna post to the UL sub] - I know you feel safer there, I know you know my established handles, way of speaking - but I don't think I could ever feel that way about you again.
Hopefully someday you feel we could at least be friends - I know any moment I spent around you I'd enjoy, even if it's just talking about silly fun mangas.
But to show you, I can be strangers too... If that's what you really want. :winks:
:eyes you, then Her, then you again pointedly:
I can't defeat your Demon for you; just as you couldn't've mine. The most I can do is give you the Weapons, my words and actions, to use against her when she starts telling you I don't care. But don't let her control you. It's okay. I'm here for you.
I don't care how many other people exist between me and you. That thing I built when we thought we'd lost each other? I'd build it again, and again, as many times as it takes. For as long as I believe you might still be that loving, caring, warm soul who dared to hope against herself that I care about you, don't worry. I'm here for you, and as long as I think I might know that about you I always will be.
You're safe. We found each other. As long as we care about each other, can be honest with each other, can be ourselves with each other someday. As long as I can remember to simmer down, to hear you. (I was hoping as long as you realize being yourself won't make me leave, just attract me more... :3)
And if you're the person I think you are, I think you might like me too. My well of optimism, my own cold ruthless Logician (whom you might've underestimated? =3 :scribbles proofs:) protecc'ing my own happy-dumb core. And so someday, if you need help fighting her, I'll reach out again too. Help you show her what I know and you want to believe.
...
:looks up:
We're a couple of silly ducks, aren't we. 😅
Miss you, as always. You should know that by now - but I know, you probably still think you don't really know me. (I'm the guy hoping the Data Points I'm shouting into the void are making it to the heart-seismograph in the locked room. Lol)
Miss y- (oh, loop! 😂 Though, that'd be a fun loop to be in. ❤️)
submitted by inwhichzeegoesinsane to u/inwhichzeegoesinsane [link] [comments]
I feel it might not just be myself, facing storms. I've been tracking my demon, that shell-of-a-man you helped me discover lay within me. I'm starting to corner him, have him understood, figured out. (Thank you again for helping me to see him, and helping to remember Me. One way or another, you always do that. Knowing you is always a Light for me; even when it's just knowing of you, like I said with the Stones. =3)
Yet I'm wondering about Her, too. Your possible demon, the one who tells you I don't care. Can you feel her, do you hear her? "Protecting" you, yet isolating you.
She snidely scoffs, weaves you a shell by telling you you're superior, better off - yet she keeps you cut off, keeps you to herself; traps you in her own web of Words, their resonance shelling you, hiding you even from the warm salve of comfort and reassurance that might've helped soothe core wounds. (If you don't trust me, ask me about the digital village of healers I've come across.)
Your demon tells you not to connect with people - that we're all only going to hurt you, when the truth is many of us have scars on our hearts and souls too. Even if you hate me, if you never speak to me again - that joy I felt thinking you hadn't given up on us, on people in general, had me relieved. I don't know if I'd've ever forgiven myself if what I was to you was that last chance you gave us. Maybe you were right; you needed someone Secure (or earned-Secure). I hadn't been, yet. Still am not, though a lot of times I feel it.
What you want, what you decide - that is up to you, but remember you don't have to leave it up to your Demon, either. You decide what your happiness is, not me, not her. The real you who decides to agree it's worth it to reach out to people; not the one who'd sooner leave herself up in the tower, itself a cage of her own design. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one you felt comfortable letting your guard down around; I'm so, so sorry I didn't take the time to hear you, listen to you, realize how important that moment was to you.
The fact that I hurt you so much hurts me, because the person you are, I love so much too. You did what I thought impossible; made me fall in love with lights, yours shining brighter than any fiber-optic signals. In this beautiful era, this age of the 'net, having found each other through such a wonderful revolutionary iconic technology - I'd still have wanted to revisit the others through the ages with you. Telegraph and ham radio. :3 (Oooo! The lab could have Nixie tubes! =D)
...But yes, part of me will always love you, though you may doubt me - I know the person you are. You showed me, in perhaps the most beautiful, vulnerable display; that deluge of honesty a welcome reprieve in a sea of superficial people barely able to muster ten words to describe themselves. You were just you, and the you-you-are is
I'd give anything to hear your true voice again, as I feel I hear when you're talking to The Void, when you think no one's listening. I'd be silent for days, weeks, just to let her talk. And someday, I'll figure out what she needed - a keyword of silence, a Void to talk into, home field language advantage - for her storms and mine to finally harmonize, and layer together.
You decided back then to just be yourself, your full self, and damn the consequences. (Even if the consequences were an inexperienced blue blob who scampers too loudly to listen, only learns mistakes after he's broken the vase, can't read caution tape...) And that you - that honest, vulnerable, caring, loving, warm, cold, ruthless, pragmatic, silly, caring woman? Ask me how I feel about her in person sometime; after you've convinced yourself I couldn't possibly have known you, loved you; and maybe then you'll believe me when I hold her close, and tell her how long I knew.
And I might never get to do that; but no matter what happens, Bee... I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Hopefully someday you feel we could at least be friends - I know any moment I spent around you I'd enjoy, even if it's just talking about silly fun mangas.
But to show you, I can be strangers too... If that's what you really want. :winks:
:eyes you, then Her, then you again pointedly:
I can't defeat your Demon for you; just as you couldn't've mine. The most I can do is give you the Weapons, my words and actions, to use against her when she starts telling you I don't care. But don't let her control you. It's okay. I'm here for you.
I don't care how many other people exist between me and you. That thing I built when we thought we'd lost each other? I'd build it again, and again, as many times as it takes. For as long as I believe you might still be that loving, caring, warm soul who dared to hope against herself that I care about you, don't worry. I'm here for you, and as long as I think I might know that about you I always will be.
You're safe. We found each other. As long as we care about each other, can be honest with each other, can be ourselves with each other someday. As long as I can remember to simmer down, to hear you. (I was hoping as long as you realize being yourself won't make me leave, just attract me more... :3)
And if you're the person I think you are, I think you might like me too. My well of optimism, my own cold ruthless Logician (whom you might've underestimated? =3 :scribbles proofs:) protecc'ing my own happy-dumb core. And so someday, if you need help fighting her, I'll reach out again too. Help you show her what I know and you want to believe.
...
:looks up:
We're a couple of silly ducks, aren't we. 😅
Miss you, as always. You should know that by now - but I know, you probably still think you don't really know me. (I'm the guy hoping the Data Points I'm shouting into the void are making it to the heart-seismograph in the locked room. Lol)
Miss y- (oh, loop! 😂 Though, that'd be a fun loop to be in. ❤️)
2024.05.17 09:54 SomniIsConfused sleep debt due to years of abuse. uh. help please? how fix?
ok this might not make sense. lemme give a run down.
i went through about 2 years of constant abuse due to an “angry man” in the house. he would do alcoholic and drug induced benders where i was trapped in a room with him. one bedroom house, i slept on the couch he would refuse to go into the bedroom and sleep and instead would torment me and make it so i couldn’t sleep. either it would be yelling song lyrics, loud vomiting, breaking dishes, screaming at me, lighting the stove on fire— he was an adult toddler. you get it.
two years of this. 3-4 times a week he’d go in benders that would last for 10–20 hours after his either 8 or 16 hour shifts. god knows how he did it. anyway as previously stated, he would NOT leave the room i slept in, making me unable to sleep.
i just learned about the concept of sleep debt. how the FUCK would i calculate how much sleep debt im in? does that even matter? ive been perpetually exhausted since i was like 19, maybe even since i was 16. i lack ALL of my energy, mental and physical. physically im doing a tiny bit better since i moved out.
how do i rest better? how do i RELAX? how do i have me time by the way? how do i PROPERLY RELAX, and also how do i make up for YEARS of inability to sleep?
god im so stressed. please someone with actual advice on how to relax help me. nothing helps anymore, i just wake up exhausted mentally and unable to sleep more without making myself sick physically.
how to relax mentally? please be real with me. i genuinely believe ive forgotten— is it linked to my sleep debt? i have no idea.
submitted by SomniIsConfused to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
i went through about 2 years of constant abuse due to an “angry man” in the house. he would do alcoholic and drug induced benders where i was trapped in a room with him. one bedroom house, i slept on the couch he would refuse to go into the bedroom and sleep and instead would torment me and make it so i couldn’t sleep. either it would be yelling song lyrics, loud vomiting, breaking dishes, screaming at me, lighting the stove on fire— he was an adult toddler. you get it.
two years of this. 3-4 times a week he’d go in benders that would last for 10–20 hours after his either 8 or 16 hour shifts. god knows how he did it. anyway as previously stated, he would NOT leave the room i slept in, making me unable to sleep.
i just learned about the concept of sleep debt. how the FUCK would i calculate how much sleep debt im in? does that even matter? ive been perpetually exhausted since i was like 19, maybe even since i was 16. i lack ALL of my energy, mental and physical. physically im doing a tiny bit better since i moved out.
how do i rest better? how do i RELAX? how do i have me time by the way? how do i PROPERLY RELAX, and also how do i make up for YEARS of inability to sleep?
god im so stressed. please someone with actual advice on how to relax help me. nothing helps anymore, i just wake up exhausted mentally and unable to sleep more without making myself sick physically.
how to relax mentally? please be real with me. i genuinely believe ive forgotten— is it linked to my sleep debt? i have no idea.
2024.05.17 09:52 Weiiiting [academic] The Dynamics of AAVE
I am a college student from Asia and currently conducting a research study titled "Exploring the Dynamics of AAVE Among Generation Z" as part of my research project. The purpose of this study is to understand the usage, influences, and perceptions of African American Vernacular English (AAVE) and slang among Generation Z. Your participation will provide valuable insights into how language evolves and reflects contemporary social trends. I would be incredibly grateful if you could take a few minutes to complete the following survey. Your responses are completely anonymous and will be used solely for research purposes. The survey should take approximately 5 minutes to complete.
Here is the link of google form:
https://forms.gle/EgFCY7QLZ8TGiF5X9
If you have any questions or require further information about the study, feel free to leave a comment below! Thanks!
submitted by Weiiiting to SurveyExchange [link] [comments]
Here is the link of google form:
https://forms.gle/EgFCY7QLZ8TGiF5X9
If you have any questions or require further information about the study, feel free to leave a comment below! Thanks!