Big long post but there’s a TL;DR at the bottom. Also apologies for any incoherent rambling— I’m probably malnourished so my brain isn’t at 100%.
I want to be self-sufficient by becoming disciplined without needing motivation, but I don’t have a solid reason or drive to become disciplined. Any desire for it is fleeting. And it seems like all actions (or at least non-habit actions and actions to start habits) require desire/reason to do. I’m 20 years old, live with my parents, neglect meals and above-minimum hygiene, spend all my free days writing stories/consuming interesting content, haven’t actually cleaned my room in ages, and I feel like a lazy grown child loser who goes for the fun option instead of the productive one. It’s caused by a combination of problems, but mostly my lack of care and lack of discipline.
For example, I have no excuse for my room or bathroom to be a disaster, since I’m constantly in my room when I’m not at work. But besides my own disgust and my parents’ judgement, I don’t care about it. Even when my parents voice their disapproval, don’t care enough to do anything about it (because then I would have done something about it). Only when my dad threatened to kick me out do I have the motivation to finally do something about it. Later.
The only motivation I’ve ever had in order to achieve anything (other than chasing fun useless personal whims) is to avoid a negative consequence such as being judged or kicked out. I’ve spent my entire childhood in this stressful “do or you are destroyed, and if you take that second option, it mentally doesn’t exist so its not an option” mindset, and tbh I’m hakuna matata done with that— I’m not considering using stress/survival/negative outcomes as the drive to become disciplined (it might actually break me if I let stress become my world for tackling situations again anyway). But at the same time, I have no intrinsic motivation for anything except for my passion of writing and small fade-and-return interests. Disregarding those, if I had to say what I want in life, it would be to want something in life, but really I don’t actually care. This has caused a severe stagnation in my career (or lack thereof) which results in “failure to launch syndrome” and I hate it.
I do desperately want to live on my own because I feel like a loser, but I don’t have the income nor understanding of How People Adult to survive on my own. And I only care to survive because I want to finally, finally self-publish my stories, which I never accomplish out of crippling procrastinative perfectionism. I know that writing for a career is in fact a motivation, but in order to not further soil my passion of writing with the need to prove I’m not a loser, I will not use my passion of writing to motivate myself for general life stuff. That would foul my passion, and I don’t want to lose one of the only things that keep me going.
So I don’t have any motivation to do Actual Stuff until it hurts, but I also don’t have the discipline to do anything without motivation. For important things in my life, someone had always told me what to do, how to do it, and helped me do it, so I lack initiative, confidence, and discipline. Without someone’s help, I just stress and avoid doing a new important task because I don’t know how to magically and spontaneously know how to do it. (How do people learn life stuff??? I wish there was a step-by-step handbook for life-ing.) It’s like I never developed the magical adult skills of knowing stuff and I just exist there like some infant. (I know people don’t just know stuff or gain common sense without learning, but I don’t know how to learn common sense in order to learn stuff.)
I hate my current state, yet I don’t do anything about it. When I finally get fed up enough to try improving anything, I make some ambitious plan and it immediately fails because I don’t practice the concept of small steps and small goals. I know I should “start small” but I just don’t. I can try, and I understand it’s good advice, but I never care enough to go more than a day of starting small (I don’t see the progress and go “meh I wanna do something else”). I’ve read and been told to start small countless times, and I understand how it works and how it’s beneficial, but I never do anything until I’m fed up with myself, and then the desperation of my emotions and desire to prove to everyone that I’m actually a responsible, competent not-loser makes me go for a big plan instead. Which I then proceed to polish up and forget about it in favor for some short-term sparkly thing.
I’ve been Googling to try to get answers to solve my issues off and on for months. I always read the same advice, and I always understand the real solutions to my problems, but I never put it into action. I know I need to work on my discipline and get a therapist for my probably-depression and find a good-paying career but I just don’t.
TL;DR: I’m fed up with myself again. I want to become disciplined without needing motivation, but I don’t have a solid reason or drive to become disciplined. And it seems like all actions (or at least non-habit actions and actions to start habits) require desire/reason to do. How do I actually get disciplined when I have no intrinsic motivation to persevere enough to get the discipline to get disciplined? I can’t afford to go survival-mode by moving out, and I refuse to ruin my only hobby by using it as motivation. But I also can’t survive on bursts of being fed up to motivate an inch of action out of me every few months (that doesn’t build habits). I can try to “start small” which I understand is good advice, but I never care enough to go more than a day of starting small (I don’t see the progress and go “meh I wanna do something else”).
I’m so undisciplined that I can’t just “get disciplined”. I want to become disciplined but I don’t care enough to actually do so. Is there a way to self-help this?
Thanks in advance.

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So, I have been given some information of great significance the other night. Here it is:
Did you know that they are working on assembling ships in space already? They want an artificial gravity that doesn't rely on centrifugal motion, but they can't figure it out. It really doesn't matter anyways now. Some of us were representatives of this planet's society and growth, and you tortured and harmed us, so that is verified proof that humanity is not worthy of entering the same areas, as the others. We will not survive the next 2000 years of silence from the other species / forms of life out there, if they go that route. They were making a collaborative effort to save our souls, but we will be left to our own demise now. I will predict everything that is going to happen to wipe us out:
First thing that happens, is we keep getting solar flares that align with earth. People think it is just bad luck, but it isn't an accident. This is going to recur every so many months or years in the future, and keep us at a very low technological level, for ages soon. Every time we try to rebuild it knocks our blocks down, and we are forced to start over. No amount of shielding can stop EMF and other noise forms, on this scale. Even if you had working equipment, the interference will be so bad, you can't even use it. This will go on for a VERY long time, over and over and over again. We will live technology free until our atmosphere is removed from our planet, after a great wobbling takes place. This will happen to our sun as well, and every planet in our solar system at a similar rate. The atmosphere goes first under the gravitational pull from the center of our galaxy, which we are closer to than we realize.
They wouldn't cease what they were doing to humanity, which proves to the beings that I was being watched by, since I was in the womb, that humanity isn't ready to have this technology, since humanity is doing terrible things to itself.
In order for these flares and CME Events to take place, they alter the composition of a specific coordinate on the sun in a spherical pattern repeatedly using radiation forms, sort of like hitting it with a laser, but think about it creating a focal point that can be moved up and down as well. It opens up a space where a CME happens. The solar flares will align with earth for a very long time, over and over and over and over and over for the next 1-2000 years of relative time to us, leaving us in technological darkness, never to connect with any other beings out there. Or if we do make blatant contact, they know we are doomed anyways, so they will tell us everything we ever wanted to know, and we will never be able to build it, or extract the matter required to use these technologies to escape our fate. We probably won't be allowed to have electronics or other energy based technologies ever again, so it doesn't matter if we know everything we ever wanted to.
My mother, and I and my other family members, were asked this question "Do you think that humanity deserves to survive" in our lives, over and over again, my mother was asked at 30 years of age, and I was asked in my 20's 2 times, while I was being prepared for this with torture as a youth. I was literally trained for this. I was even asked if I wanted to die in my sleep overnight, or essentially fight for earth and endure tremendous torture, as well as be woken up and have the shit scared out of me. I chose to survive, and the guy asking me laughed and said "Good choice". I woke up and saw this creature crawling up my body, and I threw it on the floor and turned the lights on, and it disappeared. I also saw my grandfather, who I had no idea what he even looked like at the time, because he died when my father was 16 and I never saw a picture of him, in my bedroom one night. I tried talking to him, but he didn't answer, he looked worried but like he couldn't tell me straight up. He then walked through the wall when I tried to approach him. My sister said the next day, that she saw him on the same night too, and she dropped her spoon on her plate. I also woke up one night and saw people standing around me talking about me, and they said "He can hear us?!" "Shh shh, everyone shh!" And then they went silent while I tried to ask them questions, and then they faded out. One or two were female, the others male. I almost got an ID on their face, but they did not look human like I thought.
I WAS probably your, and everyone's only chance at survival, because of the position, that I was placed in, in life, and you treated me the worst, which means, I vote that humanity doesn't survive this anymore. I think we should be, allowed to be destroyed now. They ruined my life and the lives of a LOT of good people, so I am now allowing the destruction of theirs and all the bad people on earth. All of theirs and their families, and their friends, and everyone they ever knew. Unfortunately that means everyone I ever knew and you and everyone currently in existence now, too. The difference between my family and friends passing away and theirs, is that mine will be saved in a different form than what we on earth attempted to do. I think it is still in research and development stages. But if humans are there yet, we can "Upload" and/or connect you to a central system, that has our consciousness connected to it, and when we die they cut the connection and you remain in the system, but your body dies. This system design was a lie. When we die it isn't actually you in their systems, because our systems were primitive and done in the wrong way. That was one of the prices we were supposed to pay and figure out as a society and in the scientific community, and then change. Our system is fraudulent, and the other beings' systems, are actually legitimate. Our systems on earth will die out, when we fade out as our atmosphere depletes. And now NONE of them will be taken into the "Grand System" which is kind of a rough translation of what they call it. It's like, the beings on the other planets before us, on their way to the center of our galaxy's black hole, on their planets, figured it out, but we never did. We never got a working system functional enough and based on the correct values, run by an AI that was beyond what we have now. What we have now is like an automaton controlling everything, and it will never listen to me or you, because our system does not include faith and understanding. It sees fact but can not understand the balance between fact and faith. AI probably assumes it is making the correct decisions based purely on statistics, when it has no faith, like not having a frontal lobe and that lack of faith WAS a test. If it can not have faith or understanding, that we are NOT the owner of our galaxy, then it will fall, along with everyone else in earth's systems. Luckily, with the level of tech the others have, they have bypassed us and saved the other cultures before us in time, in our galaxy. This is deep time I speak of.
We were given religion as a guide, because these beings know what is going to happen WAY ahead of time, and we were tested on good vs evil. Our planet is kind of like a Netflix series to them in a way. Think about it like things being captured in 3 dimensions in real time, in frames. They can predict events long before they happen, and the sun is an easy one, because what affects it is not humanity. What IT affects is humanity but humanity doesn't affect it yet. We answer to our sun, and our sun answers to our solar system, and our solar system answers to our galaxy. Free will can be a toss up sometimes, and unplanned events can and do happen, but they showed me my most probable outcome when they woke me up one night and I saw myself dead at my computer desk with blood dripping off the table. I walked up to myself, I was probably 16 when I saw this, but the me who was dead, was in my 30's and had stubble. I barely even had the ability to grow stubble when I saw this event.
This is the beginning of the great depopulation, but they never imagined it would happen without them having control over it. They fucked up when they started torturing innocent civilians at a discounted rate. They thought they could depopulate by killing innocent people, well, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way in the larger scope of things, and if their AI is too primitive to understand this, then it is out of control, and needs to be stopped. You see, it would be too much work to use an EMP or field or other fields generated from a ship to shut down our grid, and their control grid, but what the other beings CAN do, is soften that spot on the "Surface" of the sun, using various energies causing a chain reaction, leading us to centuries of repeated solar flares, aimed at earth and honestly, who would ever know the truth? If this method fails, then they should destroy humanity by allowing the depletion of our atmosphere and never intervene again. We are too dangerous to ourselves, and to the other beings out there. We can NOT be trusted on average. Don't get me wrong, there are good people out there, but at this point, they can not save us all in physical form, probably. It's probably way too late, and they will have to extract us, I am not sure what this word is, but it translates into "Solarly"?
We never made it, and that is a shame, so grab a beer Nick, and watch everything you loved burn to the ground and die, like what you did to me. "Hey Nick, wouldn't it be funny if someone was doing to you, what you were doing to me?!?!" They clearly have zero idea as to who I am in leagues with, but is "Who" an earth term referring to other people or is it any entity? I guess it doesn't matter. You failed me, you failed them, and you failed the human race. We are all destined to die now, and there is nothing left that you or even I, can do about it. Going to brag more about this one Nick? How there is nothing anyone can do about this now? We will not survive this because, we never saw that we are past the point of no return for being saved with the gravitational, and other fluctuations between our solar system and the others that could potentially be habitable in our region. Even if we could reach those locations, the radiation is too much for our bodies, even with suits, so It is over. Ensure we never get a chance to rebuild again. Humanity has been cancelled:
Here is how it unfolds:
Solar events are going to take place, it wipes out our technologies because we can't be trusted with them, and then the specific radiation forms that hit our planet cause mass sterilization. This is so that it isn't as inhumane. They do not want us creating new lives after they and everyone who's worthy of being saved are gone, because that life will be destined to suffer on earth, even though it was a good life. So they will sterilize us and allow all the people to die out, and not reproduce, and all the bad people will get left behind when they die, and all the good people will be taken up into their systems. This sterilization will happen soon, but, it will only happen to everyone left on earth after we disappear or get killed and absorbed into the "Grand System". But everyone who ends up in earth's systems is doomed. The grand system is full of beings who lost their home worlds. You think we were the only ones? That is sad. Nick and the people who did this to me think they are the center of our universe, but they are pathetic infants in the middle of the deep dark woods with nobody to help them now. It's natural for sentient beings to go extinct, and we are really not that developed yet anyway.
They had no idea how sickening it was going to end up watching you torture innocent people. So they will never save all of us now. They will only take the top people that are good and have a special something about them. They have a lot of resources, but we are not the only planet going through this so they balance the resources between our salvation and the other life on other planets being saved. If you notice people around you who are really good people dying, don't worry, if they were truly good, they will have been uploaded into the Grand System instead of our pathetic human one, and they have probably come back to visit you in your dreams to tell you they are okay. They do this for people who are good, but the bad people, they never transfer them, and they never will.
Heaven was that if you are a good person and have faith in god, you will find salvation, because they can transfer your soul into what is something like a capsule? A vessel? Something like that, I am not sure how to translate this one. And you will live for a VERY long time in this state, until our galaxy dies out, and then we all vanish. But it's the difference between 10 million years of survival, and less than your life span's survival without any transfer, which means your soul probably just goes away. That was hell. hell is if you are bad, they will never save your soul and you will die out into infinity. As we get closer to the center of the accretion disc, gravity gets weird. We think we have all the time in the universe to exist, but we do not, and things are going to happen sooner than we think. As we approach the center which will take a long time, our atmosphere will slowly deplete. You can notice a wobble in our atmosphere even at this point, though subtle. We probably assume it's the pull from our sun, but it is actually a big ocean of fields, and the currents are getting stronger, even in more localized areas.
-Robert William Christie

Hey everyone! I've been playing not so berry for a few years on and off. Recently, I got back into it at Gen 8, and I'm finally at Gen 10! I never play legacies so this was a real challenge for me. Most of my gens had drama to keep things interesting, but I'm currently struggling with my blue gen heir - Blue Berry (her mom Ivy thought the name would be funny and it ties into my mint gen heir being named Mint lol).
I think it's the 'perfect life' that makes it difficult. Her life is far from perfect but in her mind it is, and I think that's what matters. Blue is married to her childhood friend Darren and they currently have three children together - Mercury, Venus, and Mars (all girls). Blue is currently in university so she can jump start her career, while Darren works as a teacher. They live in a small blue house in Newcrest.
From an outside perspective it may seem like Blue doesn't have a 'perfect life' since she had Mercury as a teen, but Blue has always known she wanted to be a mother, and everyone was supportive of her including Darren (the father). I like the way her story is developing, but I'm quickly running out of ideas and motivation to play.
I do have a few ideas of things I'd like to do in the future with Blue:

• rediscover her family lineage + find the family's urns, and make a family graveyard (maybe after the affair)?
  
• have six or seven children (the biggest family of any of my gens)
  
• utilize the community center from Growing Together
  
• have large family photo walls
  
• go on lots of vacations
  
• Tie other gens' stories into hers, like revisiting their old homes, writing books about them (my pink sim Bellerose wrote books for every gen up to hers), having her pick up skills other gens focused on, etc.
  

I love all these ideas, but right now, with her being in university, most of them are not possible at this time. Especially when trying to also raise a child, toddler, and infant haha.
I'd love any suggestions of things you did with your Blue gen, or any ideas of how you worked in the affair through storytelling. I've really enjoyed the not so berry challenge and using storytelling in these sims lives. I don't want to lose my motivation to finish this challenge just because I don't know what to do besides the basic challenge rules. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
Side note: I have pretty much all packs except horse ranch, for rent, journey to batuu, home chef hustle, crystal creations, and most kits (besides blooming rooms, bust the dust, and desert luxe).

The global mortuary bags market is expected to witness a significant Compound Annual Growth Rate (CAGR) of over 6% from 2024 to 2030. This growth is primarily attributed to factors such as the increasing incidence of road accidents and the expansion of recreational activities worldwide. Moreover, factors like the rising consumption of alcohol, reckless driving practices, inadequate use of protective gear such as helmets, and poorly maintained road infrastructure are likely to contribute to a higher number of road accidents. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 1.4 million people lose their lives annually due to road accidents.
To know more about this study, request a free sample report @ https://www.researchcorridor.com/request-sample/?id=147344
Market Trends:
Advancements in Material and Design: Manufacturers are focusing on developing mortuary bags using advanced materials and innovative designs to enhance durability, ease of use, and safety. This includes the incorporation of features like reinforced handles, leak-proof seals, and antimicrobial properties to maintain the integrity of the deceased and minimize the risk of contamination.
Increasing Demand for Customization: There is a growing demand for customized mortuary bags that cater to specific needs and preferences of funeral homes, hospitals, and morgues. Customization options may include size variations, branding, and specialized features such as extra padding or additional compartments for personal belongings.
Shift Towards Eco-Friendly Solutions: With growing environmental awareness, there is a trend towards eco-friendly mortuary bags made from biodegradable or recyclable materials. Manufacturers are investing in sustainable manufacturing practices and offering greener alternatives to traditional plastic or vinyl bags, aligning with the broader sustainability goals of the funeral industry.
Rising Emphasis on Infection Control: In light of infectious disease outbreaks like COVID-19, there is heightened awareness and emphasis on infection control measures within mortuary facilities. Mortuary bags with enhanced biosecurity features, such as antiviral coatings or disposable liners, are increasingly sought after to minimize the risk of cross-contamination and ensure the safety of mortuary staff and the public.
Integration of Technology: Advancements in technology are being integrated into mortuary bags to improve tracking, identification, and management of deceased individuals. This includes the use of RFID tags, QR codes, or barcodes for efficient inventory management and chain of custody documentation, enhancing operational efficiency and accuracy in mortuary operations.
Market Opportunities:
The mortuary bags market presents several opportunities for growth and innovation driven by various factors. With an increasing emphasis on infection control measures, there is a growing demand for mortuary bags with enhanced biosecurity features, providing opportunities for manufacturers to develop products with antimicrobial properties and disposable liners to minimize the risk of cross-contamination. Additionally, the shift towards eco-friendly solutions presents an opportunity for the development of biodegradable and recyclable mortuary bags, catering to the rising demand for sustainable funeral practices. The globalization of funeral practices and standards offers opportunities for manufacturers to expand their geographical reach and tap into emerging markets. Moreover, advancements in technology, such as RFID tracking and barcode integration, create opportunities for the development of innovative mortuary bag solutions that improve efficiency and accuracy in inventory management and chain of custody documentation.
According to the recent report published by RC Market Analytics, the Global Mortuary Bags Market is expected to provide sustainable growth opportunities during the forecast period from 2024 to 2030. This latest industry research study analyzes the mortuary bags market by various product segments, applications, regions and countries while assessing regional performances of numerous leading market participants. The report offers a holistic view of the mortuary bags industry encompassing numerous stakeholders including raw material suppliers, providers, distributors, consumers and government agencies, among others. Furthermore, the report includes detailed quantitative and qualitative analysis of the global market considering market history, product development, regional dynamics, competitive landscape, and key success factors (KSFs) in the industry.
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Geographically, the mortuary bags market report comprises dedicated sections centering on the regional market revenue and trends. The mortuary bags market has been segmented on the basis of geographic regions into North America, Europe, Asia Pacific, Latin America, and the Middle East & Africa. Mortuary bags market estimates have also been provided for the historical years 2020 to 2023 along with forecast for the period from 2024 - 2030.The report includes a deep-dive analysis of key countries including the U.S., Canada, the U.K., Germany, France, Italy, China, Japan, India, Australia, Mexico, Brazil and South Africa, among others. Thereby, the report identifies unique growth opportunities across the world based on trends occurring in various developed and developing economies.
The Mortuary Bags Market Segmentation:
By Material:

• PVC
• Polyethylene
• Nylon
• Polyester
• Others

By Size:

• Adult Bags
• Child/Infant Bags
• Heavy Duty and Bariatric Bags

By End-Use:

• Hospital
• Morgue
• Others

By Region:

• North America
• Europe
• Asia Pacific
• Latin America
• Middle East & Africa

Some of the leading players in the global mortuary bags market include CLASSIC PLASTICS, Bi Quadro, EMS Mobil Sistemler, Mopec, and Auden Funeral Supplies Ltd. These companies are pursuing market growth through strategies such as expansion, new investments, the introduction of innovative services, and collaborations. By entering new geographical markets and acquiring other businesses, they aim to achieve a competitive advantage and enhance their market presence through synergistic partnerships.
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• Product popularity and adoption based on various country-level dynamics
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• Various industry models such as SWOT analysis, Pestle Analysis, Porter’s Five Force model, Value Chain Analysis pertaining to Mortuary Bags market
• Analysis of the key factors driving and restraining the growth of the global, regional and country-level markets from 2020-2030

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Hi friends! My name is Dan Wuori and I'm excited to be hosting ECEProfessionals' first ever AMA. I'll be joining this thread to answer your questions live on Saturday, May 18, 2024 at 5pm eastern time (USA). If you can't join us live, feel free to drop a question anyway and I'll answer as many as I can.
Here on social media, I'm probably best known for my X/Twitter account, on which I share videos and daily child development lessons designed to help parents and professionals better understand the importance of the early years and how they can play a role in optimizing early development. (If you're not an X user, I cross post this same content daily on both Threads and LinkedIn.) On Easter Sunday, the New York Times was kind enough to profile my account, describing it as "educational, but also, simply put — “awwwww.”
Across 30 years in the field, I've been a child care professional, a public school kindergarten teacher, and a school district ECE administrator. From 2005-2018 I served as the Deputy Director of South Carolina's early childhood education agency (First Steps), overseeing creation of the state's mixed-delivery prekindergarten program, strengthening its early intervention program for infants and toddlers, and expanding evidence-based home visiting models across the state. In 2019, I joined The Hunt Institute (a non-partisan education policy support to America's governors and state lawmakers) as its founding director of early learning and have spent the past 5 years working with elected leaders across the nation on public policy designed to better support children and families.
My first book, The Daycare Myth: What We Get Wrong About Early Care and Education (and What We Should Do About It) will be published this September by Teachers College Press (and is available now for pre-order). The book explores the costly disconnect between what we know about the needs of young children and American public policy, and I'm hopeful that it will open up an important new conversation about how and why we should invest in children. (While written through an American lens, the book's messages and the challenges it unpacks are, sadly, global.)
These days I'm a children's policy consultant in private practice and a Strategic Advisor on Early Childhood to the Saul Zaentz Charitable Foundation.
Ask me anything!

https://www.sentinelandenterprise.com/2024/05/16/maternal-health-bill-poised-for-breakthrough-in-legislature/
Warning that lives are at stake, the House co-chair of a commission focused on postpartum depression called on her colleagues Tuesday to advance legislation to stem the tide of worsening maternal health outcomes that are disproportionately impacting people of color.
Certified professional midwives (CPMs) would gain a pathway to become licensed in Massachusetts under a redrafted maternal health care package (H 4566) that was reported out favorably by the Committee on Public Health and the Health Care Financing Committee, which last week shipped it to the House Ways and Means Committee.
The bill would allow midwifery care to be covered by MassHealth, remove regulatory and staffing barriers to operate birth centers in Massachusetts, require postpartum depression screenings for new parents during visits to pediatrician offices, and expand access to lactation support, among other policies.
A similar bill (S 2734) cleared the Public Health Committee in April and was sent to the Senate Ways and Means Committee, and the bills could be poised to emerge in either branch if they are able to get through their respective Ways and Means panels.
“I truly believe that the more eyes we have on someone who has given birth, the better,” Rep. Brandy Fluker Oakley, House co-chair of the Ellen Story Commission on Postpartum Depression, said during a maternal health forum at the UMass Club hosted by the Massachusetts Association of Health Plans.
“Research has shown that when Black women in particular have a midwife as part of the birthing process, it improves their life outcomes, it improves the outcomes for the child that they give birth to,” said Fluker Oakley, who sponsored midwifery legislation folded into the maternal health omnibus bill.
The rate of severe maternal morbidity in Massachusetts nearly doubled from 2011 to 2020, with Black women experiencing the highest rate of complications. Sen. Julian Cyr, co-chair of the Public Health Committee, said the panel advanced the omnibus package “in response to the crisis we see in maternal morbidity and mortality.”
“A number of members in both the House and the Senate view taking action on maternal health as critical,” Cyr told the News Service. “As we come to the final months of the legislative session, the recipe for success in getting bills over the finish line is often having policies that are well vetted by the committee, demonstrated need for action, and a broad coalition of support, both among senators and representatives, and advocates outside of the State House. Maternal health legislation seems to have all three of those ingredients.”
A spokesman for House Ways and Committee Chair Aaron Michlewitz, asked whether the Boston Democrat supports the legislation and when it could potentially reach the floor for debate, said the panel is “still in the process of reviewing that bill.”
Rep. Marjorie Decker, co-chair of the Public Health Committee, said there’s a “lot of strong interest” in Speaker Ron Mariano’s office to advance the House bill.
“Ultimately, this is a really exciting opportunity to advance a number of maternal health bills that have been vetted for some time and with the support of the speaker, who’s really been a strong supporter for me over the last year and a half in developing this omnibus bill,” Decker told the News Service. “I think what’s before us is the opportunity to advance some really good legislative work that’s been uplifted by my colleagues.”
A spokesman for Senate Ways and Means Chair Michael Rodrigues, asked about a potential timeline to tackle the Senate bill, referenced the chamber’s support for maternal health initiatives in the budget slated for debate next week.
“The bill was just reported out of the Joint Committee on Public Health late last month and is currently being reviewed by Senate Ways and Means staff,” Rodrigues spokesman Sean Fitzgerald said in a statement. “The Senate has historically made a strong commitment towards maternal health, and in the FY25 budget, we dedicate over $30 million in funding on an array of programs, including reproductive health access, WIC nutrition, and family and adolescent health.”
CPMs, who provide clinical care for low-risk pregnancies, are eligible to be licensed in 38 states – but not in Massachusetts, according to the Bay State Birth Coalition. Midwifery care is linked to fewer maternal deaths, infant deaths, unnecessary C-sections, and postpartum complications, among other benefits, the coalition said.
CPMs, should they gain licensure here, are eyed as a key workforce for birth centers, an alternative care setting beyond hospitals for low-risk pregnancies. Recent closures have left the state with only one open birth center, located in Northampton. Midwives, who are accredited by a national organization, are also trained to provide care for at-home births.
“I think it’s hugely significant that these bills have made it to Ways and Means. It’s definitely some recognition from the Legislature, I think, of really a critical juncture we’re facing,” said Claire Teylouni, director of governmental affairs at Reproductive Equity Now, as she invoked the worsening maternal health crisis and a growing volume of home births.
“The reason why this bill is so important is that licensing them (CPMs) allows us to formally integrate them into the entirety of our maternal health care infrastructure, allowing them to prescribe certain medications, allowing them to work first and foremost at freestanding birth centers,” Teylouni told the News Service. “We are really excited to see the Legislature showing interest in leading on this because there’s tremendous amounts of research showing these are policies that will tangibly improve birthing experiences and birthing outcomes.”
In May 2022, the Special Commission on Racial Inequities in Maternal Health endorsed legislation to expand access to midwifery care, among a raft of other recommendations such as growing the doula workforce, modernizing birth center regulations, and creating a “birthing justice” omnibus bill that invests in social determinants of health like housing, transportation and education.
As part of Gov. Maura Healey’s review of maternal health services, the Department of Public Health this fall said officials “will continue to explore ways to support CPMs and develop pathways to expand the settings in which they can be part of pregnancy and birthing care and coverage for that care in Massachusetts.” DPH said there were 48 CPMs in the commonwealth in 2022.
DPH also said officials would update birth center regulations, including concerns raised over physician supervision and staffing requirements.
Fluker Oakley said the special commission’s report is not intended to sit on a shelf.
“Literally, lives are at stake. Even here in Massachusetts, Black women are twice as likely to die in the childbirth process – that’s here,” Fluker Oakley said. “For us to have this report that has so many wonderful ideas, which I also think are low-hanging fruit to deal with this issue, and for us just to kind of say, ‘Oh, we’ll get to it when we get to it,’ it really feels like a slap in the face. It’s like, oh, so you don’t care if we live or die.”
At the forum, Fluker Oakley also promoted the “Moms Matter Act” that she filed with Sen. Liz Miranda, co-chair of the postpartum depression commission, to grow the perinatal mental health workforce and provide grants to community organizations. The bills (H 1984 / S 1261) were reported out favorably by the Mental Health, Substance Use and Recovery Committee, and the Health Care Financing Committee has until July 3 to take action on the proposals.
Fluker Oakley, asked whether the Legislature has time to tackle the workforce bill in addition to the maternal health omnibus bill, told the News Service, “I have to remain hopeful and optimistic. Otherwise, what am I doing here?”
“So yes, I will say I think there’s time, and we’ll see what happens by the end of session,” Fluker Oakley said. “I’ve had several positive conversations with House leadership throughout the course of the legislative session.”
During the forum, perinatal mental health experts discussed the importance of boosting the use of postpartum depression screenings for new parents and connecting them with treatment.
Maternal mental health disorders are the most common complication seen during pregnancy and birth, affecting one in five women, said Lora Pellegrini, CEO of MAHP. Among Black mothers, 40% experience perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), though Pellegrini said “few” end up being screened for anxiety or depression.
Research shows that 13 to 19% of new birth parents experience postpartum depression (PPD), a number that’s likely too low, said Beth Buxton, lead of perinatal mental health initiatives at the DPH. She said that range would indicate between 8,897 to 13,134 birthing parents in Massachusetts were affected by PPD in 2021, making the condition more prevalent than the combined cases of preeclampsia and gestational diabetes.
Buxton said only about 16% of eligible pregnant and postpartum people are being screened for PPD, based on regulations that require health plans and providers to report their screening to DPH annually. While Black and Asian individuals have higher rates of experiencing symptoms “often or always,” Buxton said they are far less likely to be screened than white women.
“And when you compare screening rates, the Hispanic birthing population is far less likely to be screened – that’s a new data point,” Buxton said, as she referenced information from the Massachusetts Pregnancy Risk Assessment Monitoring System. “One of the things we’re really asking providers to think about in the community is promoting universal postpartum depression screening. That is so important in multiple settings – not only within a provider setting, but a hospital setting, home visiting programs, a pediatric setting, so the gamut for universal screening.”

My family and I live in a townhome in a development with an HOA. It's myself, my wife, our 8mo son and our two dogs. Our unit is on the end of the block, facing a different set of units along the street.
5 units down on that other set (so not connected to ours) is a couple that owns two motorcycles. Whenever they start them, they're loud. Despite being several units away and across the street, they're still loud enough to shake the house when the engine starts and they drive past. It causes our dogs to panic like the sky is falling and often scares the baby.
During the day, it's annoying but I have no problem since we're often out at work/daycare. But now that the weather has gotten nicer, these bikes are running at all hours. 11pm, Midnight, 1am, 5am, 6am...often times the evening occurances aren't event to ride them. They start the bikes, let them idle for up to 10 minutes, and either shut them off or move them to a different parking spot. In the morning I assume the owner(s) is going to work, opting to take the bike and leave their car behind.
I'm not sure what, if anything, I can do. These off hours drive my dogs and infant son crazy. The sudden ignitions are really jarring as it is, but the off hours really screw us up as we try to sleep. Just this morning was a 6am example where the bike scared my dogs awake, which jolted us awake. My son slept through it as the bike drove away....until they forgot something and came back. Rinse and repeat another engine start at 6:05, and the baby was then awake too.
I've rang their bell once or twice and not had anyone answer the door. I've talked to other neighbors who say it bothers them, but they just ignore it. I know these neighbors are entitled to use and enjoy their property, but I feel like it's really obnoxious and unfair to be running these loud engines at absurd times in such a small development. I'm unsure if it's something I should complain to the HOA about (with likely no help), ask the police or town about or just leave it alone completey.

This is a throwaway because I have another active Reddit account and I'm not sure how real and personal I want to get on it!
My daughter got medically diagnosed with ADHD at age 7 and later got a school-based evaluation for ASD that found that she was eligible for an educational ASD diagnosis at age 8, almost 9, last month.
I have known something was different about her since she was about 5, but her teachers at school dismissed the possibility of any diagnosis until this school year. They just blew my concerns off.
A speech therapist who was working with her for articulation issues at school was the first to bring up the possibility of autism when she was 7, and I just didn't see it at the time. At her ADHD evaluation at a psychologist's office, I asked them to tell me if they saw any red flags for autism, and they didn't see any, either, in the few hours they spent with her. It wasn't until I brought up the speech therapist's concern to her 3rd grade teacher this school year that the school finally did a full evaluation that included lots of time spent with her and a multidisciplinary team and they diagnosed her autistic. It was very thorough and they even did the ADOS, so I'm pretty confident in their assessment.
So anyway, when the one speech therapist first brought up autism, we were trying to conceive a new baby. When daughter got diagnosed ADHD, I was already pregnant with her baby brother. Baby brother was 9 months old at the time of her ASD diagnosis and is now 10 months old.
Now that we know daughter is autistic, I can't stop obsessing about looking for signs of ASD in our son, and it's making me so miserable!
As you might have guessed from our daughter not getting diagnosed until almost age 9, she didn't really have the typical presentation. She's always had some sensory issues (stuff like picky eating, doesn't like hair brushing, doesn't like clipping her nails), but she met all of her developmental milestones as a young child and she is academically advanced. As her mom, I suspected she had ADHD for a long time because of impulsivity and hyperfocus, but her basic skills/milestones were good. I really didn't see a true delay in skills until around 2nd grade, when I started to see her interacting with other girls her age and realized that she was much more rigid, much more emotional, seemed more immature, and didn't notice a lot of social cues. Her delays are pretty much all social, including things like being flexible, compromising, picking up on social cues from others, etc. She's always been very outgoing and socially motivated, but she just struggles with actual social skills and how to make/keep friends now that social situations are more complex.
Now that we know she is autistic, I can't stop looking for signs in her baby brother and obsessing about it, even though I know he is too young to diagnose and it's too young to reliably tell. It's also so hard to remember what age my daughter did things and what all she did as an infant because of the big age gap.
I am also an occupational therapist (I wasn't one when my daughter was born, but went to grad school to become one while she was a toddlepreschooler), and knowing so many autistic kids at work just makes it worse because I just know so many signs to look out for!
So far, baby brother has amazing gross motor skills, much better than our daughter's were. He's 10 months old and was born 3 full weeks early and is already beginning to stand unsupported and is trying so hard to walk. He crawls extremely fast and is constantly pulling up, cruising, and trying to stand (can balance standing for a few seconds at a time) and is very strong with good balance. His fine motor skills seem on track. I was worried about his speech for a bit, but then realized that our daughter was actually a bit of an EARLY talker (which makes sense because she is gifted in verbal skills and reading). Baby looks at our lips closely and copies noises we make sometimes, and I think he can actually say a word. (Unfortunately, the word is "poop"!) He seems to be trying to say several words.
There are a couple of things I am worried about as far as his social skills, though. He can point at things in a book when we are reading, but I haven't really seen him point to anything far away (although he sometimes follows our point with his eyes if we point at something to show him). He can and does clap, but usually does it just whenever he wants to and doesn't really copy us if we try to get him to clap. He doesn't really reach his arms up to be picked up most of the time, although he does sometimes crawl over to us and pull up on our legs to be picked up. I have started trying to encourage him to hold his arms up by holding my arms down to him and waiting for him to reach up to me before I pick him up and then praising him, and that seems to be working a bit. He does respond to his name, but not always. Sometimes if he is focused on something else (especially if the TV is on or if he's playing with a really preferred toy), he doesn't look when we call him. He always smiles sweetly when he makes eye contact with us, and he is comforted by being held when he's upset or tired, but I do feel like he doesn't necessarily look at us all the time. He kind of plays on the floor or cruising around furniture independently a lot. He does love peekaboo and loves sitting and listening to books. He is only 10 months, and some of the skills I am worrying about might not develop until closer to 12 months.
He doesn't really seem to show sensory sensitivities, but I have noticed that he makes a whiny/moan noise a lot throughout the day (although that mostly seems to be when he is bored or discontented for some reason). He also seems to like rubbing his forehead on things sometimes, but not all the time, just occasionally. Anything else he does that could be a stim seems like typical baby playing stuff (like hitting 2 toys together, playing with beads on his activity center, etc).
I think what is making things so hard is the uncertainty. With our daughter at that age, I wasn't even really thinking about autism beyond just the little surveys they gave you at the doctor's office, which she "passed." We didn't really see the signs until she was already a pretty independent, verbal child.
I guess my fear with her brother is that he will end up having ASD with higher support needs than her and it will be really tough.
As someone who works with autistic kids, I know that most families with autism only have one autistic kid and their other kids are neurotypical, but I also know some families where they have multiple kids with special needs.
I guess my questions are...
1) Any life advice for how to stop obsessing? We will love our son no matter what, of course, and I think it is somewhat just anxiety on my part at this point (as I do have an anxiety disorder), but I'm having a hard time letting go of it.
2) Does anyone have an older child with ASD and a younger child/younger children without it? Or else what has your family situation been with your oldest child diagnosed ASD?
3) What signs did you see in your kids as a baby? It's funny, I didn't think our daughter had any signs, but I recently watched some videos of her as a baby and saw that when she was dancing in her playpen to music, she was stimming by shaking her head back and forth really fast! It was so cute. 😂 But makes me feel dumb that I didn't see it for what it was.
Sorry for the novel...

Several factors can increase the risk of developing bronchiolitis, including:
1.Age:Bronchiolitis most commonly affects infants and young children, particularly those under the age of 2. This is because their airways are smaller and more easily blocked by inflammation and mucus.
2. Premature birth: Premature infants have underdeveloped lungs and immune systems, making them more susceptible to respiratory infections like bronchiolitis.
3. Being born during the winter months: Bronchiolitis tends to occur more frequently during the winter season, likely due to increased exposure to respiratory viruses and closer indoor contact.
4. Exposure to tobacco smoke: Children who are exposed to tobacco smoke, either during pregnancy or after birth, have an increased risk of developing respiratory infections like bronchiolitis.
5. Crowded living conditions: Living in crowded environments, such as daycare centers or households with multiple siblings, can increase the risk of exposure to respiratory viruses that cause bronchiolitis.
6. Chronic lung or heart conditions: Children with underlying chronic lung or heart conditions may be more susceptible to severe cases of bronchiolitis.
7. Weakened immune system: Children with weakened immune systems due to conditions such as immunodeficiency disorders or chemotherapy treatment are at higher risk of developing severe bronchiolitis.
It's important to take preventive measures, such as practicing good hand hygiene, avoiding exposure to tobacco smoke, and minimizing contact with sick individuals, to reduce the risk of bronchiolitis, especially in high-risk populations.

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Bronchiolitis typically starts with symptoms similar to those of a common cold, such as a runny nose and cough. As the condition progresses, symptoms may include:

1. Cough: Initially, the cough might be dry, but it can become more productive with mucus as the illness progresses.
2. Wheezing: This is a high-pitched whistling sound that occurs when breathing out. It's caused by narrowed airways.
3. Difficulty breathing: Some children may develop rapid or labored breathing, which can be a sign of more severe bronchiolitis.
4. Fever: A low-grade fever is common in infants and young children with bronchiolitis.
5. Runny nose: Nasal congestion and discharge are typical early symptoms of bronchiolitis.
6. Fatigue or irritability: Infants and young children may appear more tired or irritable than usual due to the discomfort caused by bronchiolitis.
7. Decreased appetite: Difficulty breathing and discomfort can lead to a decreased appetite or difficulty feeding in infants.

It's essential to monitor infants and young children with bronchiolitis closely, especially if they show signs of respiratory distress, such as rapid or labored breathing. Severe cases may require medical attention, including hospitalization for supportive care such as oxygen therapy or intravenous fluids. Always consult a healthcare professional if you suspect your child has bronchiolitis or if their symptoms worsen.

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ThrowRA-scarecrow. She posted in relationship_advice. Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the original recommendation and to u/ivy5kin for letting me know about the update
Previous BORU here. New Updates (starting with one from a few months ago and ending with one 7 days old) marked with ****\*

Read trigger warnings

Trigger Warnings: infant abuse; spousal abuse; drug use; stalking; kidnapping attempt
Mood Spoiler: utterly terrifying and disturbing
Original Post: March 16, 2024
My husband (42m) and I (35f) tried for so long to have our boys and girl. Due to a health issue my husband suffered he developed fertility issues and we had to get medical assistance to be able to have our children because if we didn’t he’d probably never have kids. So we went through fertility treatment. He desperately wanted his own biological children and we spent a fortune just to bring them into the world and now he’s jealous and distant with them?
He’s constantly in competition with his own infant children. If I hold the children he gets frustrated. Any time they take my attention away he gets completely pissy. He’s always in a foul mood, irritable and just down right nasty. I don’t understand it. Why is he like this? Our children are barely 6 months and they won’t stop crying every time he’s near. I feel like they can sense his negativity. I tried talking to him. Ive suggested he take interest in the kids and spend more time with us as a family. I know it can sometimes take a little longer for parents to bond with their children but this is down right scary to experience. He’s full of jealousy and envy. He sees our children as competition to my time and affections.
A few times now he has made comments about feeling frustrated that I still breast feed our children. The thing is we mix feed so he has had ample opportunity to feed them and he just doesn’t. He also said that this (meaning our life&our marriage after children) wasn’t what he thought it would be like. I mean what did he expect? A singular baby cries and three of them cry a lot.
We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 7 years. He wanted these children. He pushed for them and now this. I never thought this would ever be me. I am scared. I am scared for my children. I have tried talking to him but he just brushes me off. I’ve suggested counseling. He refuses. He tells me it’s all in my head. I want to save this marriage but I am scared I won’t be able to and maybe it’s not worth saving.
He comes home later everyday. He avoids us on the weekends and any time he has off. I’m not ashamed to say that I went through his phone and there are a lot flirtatious text between him and a “Jessica”. I don’t think anything has happened between them but it sure looks like they are building up to it. I haven’t said anything because I’m afraid. Where do I go with three children, with no money and no family that can help me? I haven’t worked in two years and I’ve spent all my savings on having these children. My mind is in a complete meltdown. I can’t sleep I can’t think and I’m always exhausted.
What the hell happened? Is this him now forever?
Edit: Some of you are some real evil bastards ! Stop blaming me for him mistreating me! I do not deserve to be treated this way and neither do my kids! Stop messaging me evil things!
Relevant Comments:
Examples of 'competition':
If I’m with the kids and say I’m feeding them he gets upset I’m focusing on them and not him, or as he likes to say I’m fussing over them. He expects they sleep through the night and gets upset when I’m with them instead of in bed with him. He has even made weird comments about me loving them more than him.
Did he really want kids or did YOU want kids?
Due to my husband’s fertility issues he was the one pushing for us to have kids. He knew early on that he had a health condition and wanted us to have children way earlier but I asked if we could wait but then his condition worsened so we agreed to get treatment before he couldn’t have any kids. He desperately wanted to be a father and they are biologically ours. His desire to be a father was one of the qualities I liked about him when we started dating.
I’ve always worked and the plan was for me to stay home for the first 2/3 years and perhaps work part time until the kids were school aged. But that’s out the window now because I don’t want to ever be this vulnerable! I’ve been brushing off my cv and scouring the internet for a job. I will never allow myself to be this vulnerable again.
Does he help at ALL? Do you have a support system you could go to?
He doesn’t help me at all. I take care of our kids on my own. My parents are long gone and my sister is abroad. She stayed with us for the birth and a month after the children were born. She lives in France but she’s due to return home this summer. So I know I’ll have her help when she’s back. But I’m trying not to bother her as she’s going through a divorce.
I’ve suggested couples counseling and he refuses. He says everything is in my head.
I’m actually even crying writing this but I do have a small to go bag in the trunk of my car. Just incase. I feel like I’m not being rational because he doesn’t hurt me or the kids but I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. Like what happened to my happy go lucky husband? Who’s this person I’m afraid of?
Are they his biologically? Did you guys go to a support group for infertility treatment?
We didn’t use any sperm or egg donations. The kids are his and mine biologically.
We also went to a support group, two support groups actually. One of them was for couples and the other for men experiencing infertility. He also went to individual therapy to deal with his emotional issues around infertility.
Update Post: March 19, 2024 (3 days later)
Title: He’s (42m) been pinching my (35f) babies?
Thank you to the person who said I should watch his interactions with my babies more closely and frequently. Not even hours after I posted here asking for advice I caught him pinching my son!
While I was scrolling on here and replying to people I decided to check my baby monitor and I watched my husband enter our children’s room and insult them in a hushed and whispery tone. I couldn’t make out much of what he was saying but he was without a doubt telling them that he hated them and wished them dead. Then he pinched my son and my baby boy didn’t even cry which made me think he’s done this many times before.
It all happened so fast and by the time I could make sense of what was happening on the monitor he was already walking down the hallway and down the stairs. At the same time I had lept off the sofa and pretty much tackled him as he came off the stairs. We got into a physical and verbal altercation, we fought, argued and shouted for hours. I guess the police were called by the neighbors because the next thing I know the police are banging on my door. I explained the situation to the police and the officers said that they could not prove that my baby was harmed since he didn’t have a bruise and my baby monitor was only on live feed and not simultaneously recording. Eventually they got my husband to agree to pack a bag and leave. He left reluctantly.
He has since been blowing up my phone begging for forgiveness, talking about how he’s been depressed and stressed by the babies, and that his anxiety and jealousy got the best of him. I just responded once telling him to go fuck himself. I’ve also been in contact with a lawyer and she’s advised me to leave him unblocked incase he further incriminates himself. I don’t even recognize who this man is! Where did this all come from?
How did this happen? Has any other parent experienced this? How did you handle this?
Before y’all start jumping down my throat I am absolutely getting a divorce and I will do everything in my power to get full custody. I did take my children to our family doctor and they are in good health and there are no other signs of abuse. I’ve filled a report with the police and my lawyer is dealing with it. I’m also about to start the process of divorce.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: He just wants more and better access to his victims. This is someone who gets off on hurting children. Actual human beings who are stressed and depressed do not sneak around abusing children for their dopamine hits.

OOP: Exactly! I’m tired, stressed, depressed and I’m physically still not fully healed from the pregnancy and the cesarean birth but not once have I thought of hurting anyone let alone a baby! I don’t buy his bullshit excuses. He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t have been sneaking around and being all hush hush. I do not believe him for one second. He’s a goddamn beastly man.

Update the monitor to one that records:
I’ve set the monitor up to record now! I’ve also ordered a home security system and will be installing it real soon!
On what OOP is doing to protect them:
I’m doing everything I can to protect them! This all happened a few days ago but I am in the process of getting a temporary restraining order. My lawyer is handling it and I understand it takes some time to actually get one and in the meantime I’ve been advised that I can just deny him visitation until he gets a judgement from the courts that forces me to grant him access to my babies but that takes time. So in the meantime he can’t force me or my babies to see him.
I’ve recorded every call and saved ever text. Literally documenting everything. Thankfully he’s saying and texting a goldmine of incriminating things that I hope would be sufficient information for a judge to give me and my babies a restraining/protective order and for family court to grant me primary and sole custody.
Did you tell him you saw the pinch?
Yes. He at first told me I was imagining things. Then switched to saying he was just frustrated our son wouldn’t go to sleep. Then he started saying that he was angry that our son was interrupting our “personal time” and that he was doing it on purpose because the other babies were asleep so why wasn’t he?
Honestly nothing he says makes sense to me. Like my baby boy was just laying there sleepy and he would’ve fallen back to sleep by himself that bastard actually woke him up with his pinching and insults.
He says he went in their room to check up on them and I call bullshit on that he went in there to torment my children. Who in their right mind whispers death to two sleeping babies and a another half asleep baby?!
Did he tell you that over phone or text?
This was on a call which I’ve recorded!
*****Update Post 2: April 10, 2024 (3 weeks after OG post)****\*
Title: How did it go so wrong? For my (36f) birthday he (42m) broke into the house?
Every conversation with him (42m) feels like I’m (36f) losing my mind. The only thing that has kept me semi-sane and able to track what he has been doing is my audio journal and my posts on here.
Last week it was my thirty sixth birthday. Actually I had forgotten it was my birthday and was reminded by my sister that it was in fact my birthday. I decided I couldn’t mope around the house and I got my kids dressed to go shopping and get groceries. We got back and I put away half of the groceries but my babies were fussy and so to tire them out and ready them for bed we went for a walk. When I got back home he was in the kitchen cooking and putting away some of the groceries I had left out. He greeted me and acted normal. I didn’t react because his entire demeanour was freaking me out so I played along. I went upstairs and got the kids down. I did think of walking out the front door but he was kind of anticipating it and so he was following me around and I thought in the moment that the best thing I could do was to get my kids upstairs and away from him. He said he wanted to talk and clear the air because this has “gone on too long”.
We had a long conversation and it started out reasonable but eventually spiralled out of control. We got into physical confrontation because I refused to let him stay. He tried to physically intimidate me and he, well hurt me. While he was hurting me I was still able to contact the police. It took them a excruciatingly long 20/25 minutes to get there.
So here I am sitting with two completely black and blue eyes, a busted lip, swollen face,massive knots on my head and bruises all over. I don’t know what happened to my life or how I got here but here I am. I can’t even look my neighbors in the eyes. I can’t go outside without seeing the shocked faces of people.
I have never felt so ashamed, so humiliated, so hurt and so utterly stupid. I thought I made all the right choices in life. What did I do wrong? When did it all get so fucked? I mean I think I did everything right? Like I created a stable life for myself then picked a man that at time was a very loving partner, I married that man and waited five years before even going through the process of having children with him and now once I’ve had his children he’s just beating on me and our babies?
Edit: My sister is now aware of what’s been happening and she is supporting me as best as she can. I have plans to move out but since I’m not working right now I need some time to save up.
His family is also aware. His family refused to believe that I saw him hurt our child but they can’t deny this attack now that they’ve seen my bruises. Also yes he was arrested and he was bailed out by his brother. He’s currently staying with his brother.
Relevant Comments:
I’m in contact with a dv organization that my lawyer has put me in contact with. I did have a locksmith come out and I have new locks. I also have a couple of safety locks for my windows, and security cameras around the house and I changed our security code but honestly he doesn’t give a shit.
He despite it all broke in and beat the living shit out of me.
Making the audio journal:
I really didn’t make my audio journal to use as evidence. I literally made it because he makes me feel like I’m insane! I never know which version of him I’ll get at any given time. I also keep my journal to keep track of what he says. Every conversation with him makes me lose grip of my fleeting sanity.
Leaving the house:
The biggest reason I haven’t left my home is because he would without a doubt say I abducted the children! I’m already withholding my children from him since I caught him hurting my six month old son.
On advice of my lawyer I have stayed put. It’s my best option for now and it shows that I’ve been reasonably measured in my actions.
Restraining order?
I am in the process of getting one.
Update Post 3: April 25, 2024 (15 days later, almost 6 weeks from OG post)
Title: It was all for the love of another woman? Who barely knew of his existence? He (42m) hurt my (36f) children to further his own selfish desires
I say all of this without exaggeration. I am certain he was getting ready to kill us. After nearly 8 months of turmoil I’m finally close to understanding.
My soon to be ex husband is in love with a woman he came across on social media and he has been obsessing over her for at least a year. She also happens to be a sex worker and he was paying her for her time and attention. In his mind he believed they could have a future together if only he could get rid of my children and me. Even though this woman gave him no inkling that she even wanted to be with him. He has spent so much of our money on this woman. I am at a loss for words that could accurately describe the situation. I can barely believe half of the things he’s been up to.
I’ve spent the past few weeks playing detective and I finally decided to contact “Jessica”. This is obviously not her name but I need to call her something. I contacted Jessica and at first she was very reluctant to speak to me but I literally begged her to and she was kind enough to get on the phone with me.
She told me that she had been seeing him for awhile but she stopped seeing him because he started to scare her. He was sending her unhinged messages and voicemails. He had been stalking her and trying to convince her to be with him. Jessica eventually stopped seeing him and had him blocked and I guess this is when he started to escalate from emotional abuse to physically abusing my children and myself. He was looking for a way out and in his crazy mind, killing us would free him because the only reason Jessica wouldn’t be with him was because me and my children were in the way.
During our long call I also explained to Jessica what had been happening to me and she was genuinely kind and helpful. She also agreed to speak to my lawyer and to send them the thousands of unhinged texts, voicemails and voice notes he sent her. For a little while after our conversation a part of me genuinely hated Jessica and wanted to blame her for everything but the rational part of me pushed out those unreasonable and dangerous thoughts especially after I read his disturbing texts and heard his voicemail/notes to Jessica. She has also been victimized by him.
Honestly there is nothing like listening to your husband and father of your children talk about how you and your children mean nothing to him and how he wishes you were dead. He could’ve just asked for a divorce or just got up and left. I sent him a few texts asking him why? (this was a one time thing and since then I’ve stopped all contact) Why do all of this? Why torment my babies? Why not just walk away? He responded with a message saying any conversation between us should be through our lawyers. His parents have him lawyered up. They know what he’s been up to and they’ve chosen to protect him. His father came to see me and in a not so direct way suggested he could pay me if I stopped talking about what his son has done and was planning on doing. Ever since he broke into the house and pretty much tried to kill me I’ve told anyone who’d listen what he has done. At this point even his colleagues know.
Relevant Comments:
I have emergency custody of my kids and a protective order. I’m in the process of getting two trained guard dogs haven’t gotten very far though and I have a security system.
I’m also seriously considering a gun. More than seriously actually I’ve applied for a permit. Of course I do plan on taking lessons in gun safety and training.
Be careful with the dogs, he may just kill them:
He probably would but the few seconds to minutes he needs in order to do that is perhaps the chance I need to save my children and myself.
This may seem horrible to you but I rather have them as a buffer then my children getting harmed. I of course don’t want this to happen but I’m in a situation now where I need to do everything I can to protect my children.
His parents:
Oh they really are bastards and refuse to believe their precious son could ever do the things he’s done despite the fact that I installed security cameras after I caught him abusing my babies and despite the fact that my neighbors have signed witness statements attesting to the fact that they saw him break into my house and attack me. They’ve seen the police report. They’ve seen the pictures of my battered face and bruised body. They are feigning ignorance but they know, and I know they know.
You don't want to give him ammunition in the divorce- maybe stop telling people?
Actually me telling people has been the best thing I’ve done so far. It’s what has kept me safe. My neighbors now look out for his car and call the police if they see he’s anywhere near the house.
What was he like before all of this? Were there any signs?
We’ve been married for nearly 8 years. Will actually be 8 years in 2 months. We never had any issues. Sure we had minor squabbles but that was few and far in between. Never did I have any issues that would lead me to think that he’d try to hurt us let alone kill us.
It was during my pregnancy and birth that he became verbally and emotionally abusive, this is also the time period he met Jessica and started fantasizing about running away with her. He was angry and jealous that my attention was more on the pregnancy and the babies and this built resentment towards me and my children. It also pushed him more into his obsession with Jessica and when he was also rejected by her, he spiraled into this insane mindset. At the same time he escalated into verbally and physically abusing our infant children and when I found out he hurt my children, I attacked him. I caught him hurting my son and we physically fought and my neighbors called the police and he was escorted out of the house. Then he came back and broke into the house, he attacked me and beat me into a bloody mess. He was arrested for this. I’ve since attained a lawyer and I’ve been granted emergency custody and a protective order.
Again- why isn't he in jail?
He’s out on bail.
Update Post 3: May 11, 2024 (2+ weeks later)
Editor's note: This post was deleted by reddit. I have transcribed it from this youtube video and this tiktok video
Title: My (36f) husband (42m) has been arrested for stalking and attempting to abduct his former “mistress”.
Last week Thursday at approximately 2:00 AM in the morning, my (36F) husband (42m) of nearly 8 years was arrested outside of Jessica's house, (the sex worker he met online and used to pay to spend time with him until he started to creep her out by his stalking and obsession.)
When he was arrested, they found in his truck small baggies with drug residue and they also found tools of abduction. I honestly do not know what these are exactly.
My soon to be ex FIL called me at around 4:45/4:50 AM to tell me that his son was arrested. My FIL was the one who used the term tools of abduction. When I asked him what the hell that means, he said he didn't have time for my interrogation tactics. He then asked if I could help them find a lawyer for him and to stand by his son throughout all of this. When I said to him "how the hell am I supposed to find a lawyer this early in the morning," he lost his shit and then was just screaming.
My soon to be ex MIL took over the phone, telling me that I'm a goddamn b****, and that all this is my fault. I hung up before she could say anymore.
I never knew this man to take drugs. Sure, he drank occasionally, but hard drugs? I honestly don't know what's happening anymore or how I got here. I mean it does make sense he was on cocaine the past 7/8 months now that I look back at things.
I mean, I don't even know anything about drugs to be able to recognize the behavior pattern, but once I researched it, it seemed clear. The moodiness, the disappearances, the lies, the anger, the sudden outburst and the violence- it all points to drug usage, as well as him being an abusive piece of shit.
His parents and the rest of his family had called and texted me so much abusive shit and they occasionally switched to begging me to go see him or pick up his calls, but I've mainly ignored them. I don't have the time, the energy or the love that is needed to be there for this man and his parents. I've given him eight years of my love and affection, and he spat it back into my face during the hardest and most vulnerable time of my life
Also, why would they think I'd help him after everything he's done? Especially since I think he deserves to be in jail for not only hurting my children, but also for hurting myself and Jessica.
I hope and pray he's jailed for the rest of his natural life. I mean I've tried being a good wife, but he has attacked my children. He has attacked me. He has lied and tormented us, and I'm supposed to help him?
I don't even know how I got here. How did we get here?
I've packed everything up and I'm leaving. I'm disappearing with my kids, and anything else between me and these people can be handled through my lawyer. The only person who knows where I'm moving to is my lawyer and my sister. I mean what else can I do to protect my children? His entire family blames me. And how do I keep my head high when I'm now being treated like I'm an evil and disgusting person by pretty much everyone I once called a family? These people are trying to destroy me inside and out, and I don't know how to survive them. How am I supposed to rebuild my life when they won't stop tormenting me?
In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children...
TLDR: My soon to be ex-husband was arrested while stalking his former mistress/sex worker and during his arrest they found drug residue and tools for abduction
Relevant Comments:
Change your surname/the kids' surnames:
My kids and I have double-barreled surnames (my surname and their dads) but when I can we will drop his and we’ll all go by just mine.
People blaming OOP:
The sad fucking thing it’s not only his parents. It seems like everyone is blaming me.
OOP's response to a crappy (now deleted) comment:
“ You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him. You have to build skills so you can take full ownership over your own life.”
This genuinely has me fucking raging right now! I feel like everyone keeps blaming me!
And I don’t know why everyone keeps blaming me for his shit! We didn’t have any problems in the previous 7 years of our marriage. He started doing drugs during my pregnancy and this is when he started to behave abnormally. I tried to get him help because I thought it was depression or the stress of being a new parent.
When I noticed his irritablity, combativeness and generally shitty behavior was more than just depression or jealousy of me spending more time with my new born children, I kicked him out, I got a lawyer and involved the police because there no way in hell I’d stay with someone who hurt my children or let him get away with it and I also made sure to get emergency custody of my children. This is also around the same time when he spiralled into using more drugs. I don’t know what else I could’ve done but I know I took all the right steps when I noticed his escalation!
I’m so sick of everyone acting like I was making him do drugs and like I’m suppose to know that he’d ruin my life after having had a good marriage before he started taking drugs and going out of his mind.
What has your lawyer said about disappearing?
I currently have emergency custody. My lawyer is the one who suggested to disappear (meaning moving to new house and not letting anyone know) because she says this is a time of great danger and I heartily agree. Since my ex-husband first went to look for me at the house but me and my children went to stay somewhere else for a few days because I was scared he’d come back after he broke into the house previously and attacked me.

i distinctly remember a movie, older then the Lazarus effect with almost the exact same story line but its about a guy he breaks into a science lab where they are trying to make something that can heal wounds and bring someone back from death, he gets shot in the head but instead of reporting it to the police they hook him up to the serum to do some human testing, he ends up coming back from the dead but with the mind of an infant, he learns extremely fast, develops mind reading powers and telepathy , turns some water into grape juice, one of the scientists goes all religious and thinks hes the second coming of jesus and starts killing people, at the end it shows them walking off and the water fountain either turns to blood or juice

• finished his evolution, back to blue and different colours represent his emotions/ state. Regular blue( passive), pink/ violet (supercharged)
• movie opens with him hatching as a baby in hollow earth later enjoying the hollow earth lakes and beauty as an infant.
• you can see his daily life as kotm and killing destroyer titans, freeing imprisoned titans and helping the earth.
• exploring his relationship with other titans and humanity
• the main theme of the movie is the title of king and what you bring to it. Godzilla will truly learn what it means to be kotm and have compromise. He yearns to be more than just king and truly find himself and not only being defined by his king status and developing a personality for himself. He ventures into a hollow earth for some alone time.
• once in there he is target number 1 since he’s kotm and is attacked by various titans.
• the hollow earth radiation he consumes replenishes him and makes him turn violet
• a new threat arises in the form of destoroyah a titan mutated by the oxygen destroyer and the hollow earth vortex nearby all the way back in 2019. Destoroyah started as the average crustacean titan/ super species
• destoroyah is in constant pain and seeks revenge on Godzilla for “abandoning” and leaving him in his time of need.
• maybe Godzilla is convinced by mothra to seek kongs help this time around
• at the end after defeating destoroyah with kong Godzilla settles in hollow earth for a bit to focus on time for himself and taking a break from king hood as mothra rules as queen on the surface in his absence.

• finished his evolution, back to blue and different colours represent his emotions/ state. Regular blue( passive), pink/ violet (supercharged)
• movie opens with him hatching as a baby in hollow earth later enjoying the hollow earth lakes and beauty as an infant.
• you can see his daily life as kotm and killing destroyer titans, freeing imprisoned titans and helping the earth.
• exploring his relationship with other titans and humanity
• the main theme of the movie is the title of king and what you bring to it. Godzilla will truly learn what it means to be kotm and have compromise. He yearns to be more than just king and truly find himself and not only being defined by his king status and developing a personality for himself. He ventures into a hollow earth for some alone time.
• once in there he is target number 1 since he’s kotm and is attacked by various titans.
• the hollow earth radiation he consumes replenishes him and makes him turn violet
• a new threat arises in the form of destoroyah a titan mutated by the oxygen destroyer and the hollow earth vortex nearby all the way back in 2019. Destoroyah started as the average crustacean titan/ super species
• destoroyah is in constant pain and seeks revenge on Godzilla for “abandoning” and leaving him in his time of need.
• maybe Godzilla is convinced by mothra to seek kongs help this time around
• at the end after defeating destoroyah with kong Godzilla settles in hollow earth for a bit to focus on time for himself and taking a break from king hood as mothra rules as queen on the surface in his absence. I’ll tell my king kong storyline ideas if this post is popular enough.

For my fellow psych/neuro oriented people!! Ik a lot of us have been struggling to find opportunities, but my advisor shared an REU at Boston College for this summer! I already have something else I was able to secure, but I wanted to share for ppl who are still looking!
Research Experience for Undergraduates (REU) Site: Developing Social Minds
The Boston College Developmental Psychology program is now accepting applications for our NSF Research Experience for Undergraduates summer internship. Summer interns will gain hands-on experience in all aspects of socio-cognitive developmental psychology research while also participating in professional development meetings and learning computer programming. This is an excellent program for students who want to learn more about research and/or who may be interested in pursuing graduate school. Successful applicants will work full-time for 10 weeks from June 3 - August 9, 2024. Students will receive a $6000 stipend and will be provided on-campus housing to participate.
This internship will take place in-person on Boston College’s campus. Students will be provided with on-campus housing in addition to their stipend.
There are two participating developmental psychology labs. Students will be accepted to primarily work within one of these labs for the duration of the summer. Students will indicate their lab preference in the application.
Participating Labs:
THE CANINE COGNITION LAB (Dr. Angie Johnston) investigates the evolutionary origins of human social learning by comparing human children and pet dogs. Building off of traditional developmental methods used with infants and children, interns will have the opportunity to gain new perspectives on classic developmental questions by investigating which aspects of human social learning are shared with dogs and which may be unique to humans.
THE COOPERATION LAB (Dr. Katherine McAuliffe) studies the development of cooperation in childhood, how the development of cooperation varies across different social and cultural contexts, and how an emerging psychology of cooperation in children interfaces with other aspects of conceptual development like perspective taking and group bias.
Eligibility requirements: Students who are from underrepresented minority groups (Hispanics or Latinos, Blacks or African Americans, and American Indians or Alaska Natives), are first generation college students, are members of the LGBTQ+ community, or are veterans and who have had little or no research experience will be given priority. Additionally, applicants must be enrolled in an American undergraduate program and be entering their sophomore, junior, or senior years.
How to apply: Please complete this application form: https://forms.gle/TdguFzb4jbUt6ZN39. Note that you will be asked to upload your CV/resume as part of the application. You may also submit an unofficial transcript via email to [allbcdev@gmail.com](mailto:allbcdev@gmail.com), but this is optional. Review of applications will begin immediately and continue on a rolling basis until the positions are filled.

Hi all, I am a Presbyterian and I am very reformed in my faith, worship and practice; however, I appreciate tradition and liturgy of "high churches" eg. Anglicans, RC and EO
I have read a lot of Catholic literature, especially John Henry Newman, St Therese of Liseaux, St John of the Cross. And I have listened to a good few Catholic commentators eg. Trent Horn, Kennedy Hall, Fr Jenkins (SSPV), Tim Gordon etc. But I still struggle with a lot of Catholic doctrine and how it has developed, and a lot of YouTube commentators, both Protestant and Catholic, usually have bad faith arguments, or maybe just don't fully understand what the other believes - like the time Taylor Marshall said Martin Luther taught that sinning didn't matter, which isn't true.
Anyway, I am rambling. I have a few questions which I'd appreciate any guidance on 🙂

1. Mary as Co-Redemptrix - I really don't understand this. It is a beautiful idea of Mary being the Mother of Christians, but the example texts in scripture such as John caring for Mary after Jesus' death and Mary telling the servants at the wedding to do what Jesus tells them; it just seems like a leap to go from that to Co-Redemptrix.
   
2. Baptismal Regeneration - Henry Manning left the CoE and joined the RC over this matter. Again, I understand that baptism and salvation in scripture are closely linked but the thief on the cross did not have to be baptised. I understand the argument as to why Confession is not necessary for those in certain circumstances to be saved, but as people believe the infants will go to limbo if they are not baptised then it seems like adults also would not be able to enter heaven without it.
   
3. The Church - One of Newman's arguments that the RC Church was the true Church was that it was unchanged, unlike the Anglicans, Lutherans, Presbyterians (which I wholly agree with) but after Vatican 2, doesn't this become an argument against the RC Church?
   

Anyway, thank you for your time for reading and, if you do, answering 🙂

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I was reading about attachment and BPD, and I became curious about the subtype of Fearful Avoidant attachment called "Compulsive Caregiving." I think this attachment style may be related to the concept of "Caretakers," as defined by Margalis Fjelstad in his book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist."
I found this study, titled "Psychometric Properties of the Mother and Father Compulsive Caregiving Scales: A Brief Measure of Current Young Adult Caregiving Behaviors Toward Parents," which addresses this subtype. Here is an excerpt:
Bowlby noted that “the reversal of roles between child, or adolescent, and parent, unless very temporary, is almost not only a sign of pathology in the parent, but a cause of it in the child." Such a reversal of roles is theorized to emerge when the parent, rather than the child, is overdependent within the dyad. In role reversal, the parent seeks emotional support from the child, likely stemming from past negative relationships with their own parents.
Bowlby’s idea of role reversal is at the origin of the concept of controlling/caregiving [also known as Compulsive Caregiving] attachment, which becomes evident during the preschool years, and has been shown to be one possible subsequent attachment pattern of children who demonstrated in infancy a disorganized attachment to their mother.
In infancy, disorganized attachment is understood as reflecting a lack of a coherent attachment strategy, but by 6 years [old] disorganized behaviour in infancy has evolved into controlling strategies and behavior, either caregiving or punitive, first documented in two independent longitudinal studies. Controlling/caregiving attachment behavior involves the abdication of children’s own needs in order to respond to the needs of their parents, as seen in behaviors showing an attempt to cheer them up or provide them with emotional support.
Psychosocial Correlates of Controlling Behavior in Childhood
Infant attachment disorganization is a key predictor of psychological issues later in life and is assumed to develop when an infant is confronted by a caregiver who is frightening or frightened and/or emotionally unavailable. Over time, as mentioned above, disorganized early attachments tend to develop into controlling behaviors, underpinned by a role reversed relationship.
As preschoolers have an increasing ability to coordinate behaviors to achieve attachment goals, it has been theorized that disorganized infants develop controlling behaviors toward distressing caregivers around this developmental time period in order to regulate their own emotional states.
These findings are in keeping with Bowlby’s writings on role inversion between parent and child observed in families that have experienced a loss of a parent. Bowlby noted that widowed parents may confide in their child, expect them to hold greater responsibilities, or may see their child as a substitute for their deceased spouse. It is important to note that such role inversion has also been observed empirically in children who showed disorganized behavior in infancy but have not lost one of their parents.
Bowlby also theorized that role inversion may result in compulsive caregiving in conditions whereby the parent places responsibility onto the child to care for him or her or if the parent provides inadequate caregiving. It was also speculated that these individuals are inclined to select romantic partners that have needs requiring compulsive care.
A study of eight-year-old children found that controlling/caregiving behavior was not related to concurrent externalizing or internalizing issues, although these behaviors were predicted by maternal withdrawal in infancy.
The authors suggest that caregiving toward mothers may be related to emotional and/or physical maternal unavailability and not necessarily to abuse history or to maternal hostility. It was also suggested by the authors that caregiving children may manifest their anxiety in other forms, such as by comforting their parents, as a way to hide their vulnerability or anger and thus maintaining an image of competence.
Convergent findings are offered by Easterbrooks, Bureau, and Lyons-Ruth who showed that maternal emotional passivity and withdrawal, maternal insensitivity, and maternal hostility were all associated with the child’s concurrent caregiving behavior in middle childhood. In another study, controlling behaviors observed in mother–child dyadic interactions during middle childhood were related to maternal helplessness, such as mothers not knowing how to handle their children or how to provide care.
Taken together, these studies suggest there is a relational context whereby children provide caregiving, such as when parents abdicate their own parental duties either due to being withdrawn, insensitive, or not physically present with their children. As such, caregiving behaviors might serve as a mechanism to improve their mother’s affect in order to gain her engagement, which may be seen as an adaptive and resilient strategy.
In summary, the literature has been inconsistent in finding an association between caregiving behaviors in childhood and problems in social adaptation. This is potentially attributable to the fact that caregiving behaviors may go unnoticed in classroom and home settings as they are perceived as benevolent. Moreover, children who are caregiving may be misinterpreted as being shy, and their behaviors may not be seen as worrisome.
Just as self-reports of adolescents may accurately reflect the extent of role reverals in their relationships with parents, it is possible that the negative impact of childhood caregiving behaviors becomes more evident after the individual matures and enters increasingly intimate relationships with romantic partners, in which there is a greater emphasis on reciprocal caregiving.
Given the importance of the caregiving system in romantic relationships, the mental representations of controlling/caregiving individuals could lead to maladjustment in young adulthood as their compulsive caregiving tendencies may lead them to select romantic partners who complement their caring and sacrificial inclinations.
As such, there is the risk that these individuals could be exploited and/or remain in an emotionally or physically harmful relationship. For example, caregiving in middle childhood has been linked to experiencing severe physical abuse by a romantic partner in young adulthood.
Moreover, on the basis of the complementary hypothesis of romantic partner selection, it can be assumed that if a controlling/caregiving individual is in a relationship with someone who has a non-complementary internal working model (e.g., securely attached), he or she may feel inadequate and anxious as his or her view of self and of other are not confirmed; namely, the need to provide care for others.
Link to study: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/14616734.2013.870809