I feel myself -torrent

I'm UK based so this is from an NHS perspective
I thought I'd write a post to hopefully help a few people out if they are feeling nervous about surgery. This is my personal experience and everyone's will be different obviously, but I thought I'd share.
Had my surgery yesterday (May 16th) but I hadn't slept a wink. I was utterly terrified of what lay ahead. Aside from the one gallbladder attack on the 22nd of April I had no further issues. I lay there thinking if I was doing the right thing, going to butcher myself from a one off occurrence. I got up and showered at 6am, packed my Grogu dressing gown and my slippers and slowly made my way downstairs. My husband sat on the sofa, telling me he'd got up early to see me off. He was feeling guilty because he would be unable to come with me because he gets very anxious travelling to far. I shared my fears with him and he just sat with me and cuddled me and told me I was doing the right thing because he'd been misdiagnosed when he was younger and went 18 months suffering from debilitating Gallbladder attacks and he didn't want to see the same thing to potentially happen to me.
I drank my last glass of water at 6:30am before crying as I ordered the Uber at 7:00am to take me on the 11 mile journey out to the hospital in a town I'd never been to before. Every second resisting the very real urge to tell the driver to turn round. I got to the hospital at 7:32 and obviously went into the wrong building at first. But one of the very helpful ladies on the desk pointed me in the right direction and even offered to walk me part way so I could find it. I said I would be OK. I made my way round to the Day Surgery building only to find a queue at the reception desk.. Giving me even more opportunity to run screaming out of the door. But I thought of my husband's words and I stayed there. Gave my name and plonked myself in the reception area, trying to distract myself with my phone.
Around 20 minutes later I was called through to have my first discussion with a member of the surgical team. The nurse taking me through could see I was obviously getting upset, so she gave me quick hug and reassured me I'd be OK. I sat with the surgical team member who went over everything they were planning. He had my notes and could see that aside from the Gallstones I was otherwise healthy. He explained that because my case was relatively simple it would be an almost 100% chance it would stay as Keyhole Surgery and he told me how the operation would be performed and went over the consent to surgery form with me. Strangely this made me feel a bit more at ease because he was not only being kind and understanding of my distress, he was professional and informative.
After that discussion I went out to the waiting room again to pass time before being taken to the ward. Again about a 15 minute wait and I was brought through to the ward. A second nurse came to do my heart rate and blood pressure. At this point I was fighting back tears which the nurse could see, so she let me talk out my feelings and offered me kind words to calm me down.
At this point the Anaesthesiologist came into my little curtained off area to tell me what he would be doing as part of the team. The mild sedative he'd administer to get my brain ready for the anesthetic and that I would be the second surgery of the day so I'd be in around midday. He confirmed my consent forms and double checked I was who I was. He also gave me some kind words and left. The nurse took details of who she would call after the operation to let them know I was OK (my husband and the friend who was picking me up) I settled down on the bed while the nurse pottered around with my paperwork. Then the shock happened. The first nurse I'd seen that day poked her head through the curtain to inform the blood pressure nurse that my surgery had been brought forward because the person who was meant to be first hadn't turned up yet. New panic activated. I wasn't expecting it so soon. So I sat there mildly horrified that I wouldn't have time to process. I was told I'd be going to get changed soon. After a short wait, I was then informed the first patient had turned up... So I was bumped back to second I thought. OK I can relax a little... No such luck. The surgical team had already begun prepping for MY operation. So they would still be doing mine first instead. I didn't have time to panic. I was brought through to the changing rooms, given some very sexy paper knickers and compression socks and a robe. I popped on my Grogu dressing gown over the top and my slippers. I didn't even go back tu the ward. The nurses took my clothes I'd come in with and boxed them up safely. I was guided through to the surgical prep room. Where I was greeted by the two members of the team I'd already met and the additional team member. They talked me through everything again and confirmed my consent for the surgery to go ahead and one kept me occupied by talking about my nerdy tattoos as he popped a brain wave monitor on my head. I was asked for my weight and height so the correct dosage of anesthetic could be given. A cannula was put in my hand and the Anaesthesiologist administered the first dose of the sedative which gave me a mild light feeling. They continued to talk to me about my tattoos which were from some of favourite TV series and even had a laugh about my Grogu dressing gown. Then I was given the main dose of anesthetic. No counting down from 10, just continuing to talk about the TV series... And then I woke up in the recovery room. Sore, but not in agony. Feeling very groggy, but I came round fairly quickly. Slurring my words a bit and trying to pay attention to the nurse who was rousing me. As I became more aware she told me my operation had been absolutely textbook with zero issues. Nice clean incisions glued back together. She gave me a mild but hospital standard painkiller
After a few minutes I was wheeled through to the main ward again where I was met by the nurse who had taken my blood pressure. Smiling she sat me up slightly in bed and gave me some water and got me some biscuits to nibble on. She told me that I'd be there for 3 hours after the operation which was standard. They wanted to check I was as comfortable as I was going to be. And that I had been to the toilet at least once during that time. I had a very dry throat from the breathing tube so I was sipping a lot of water. I had a bit of help walking to the bathroom but they said it was positive that I had been. Of course silly me had forgotten to bring a book to read during my wait, but the nurse said as long as I was discreet while she went and made the phone calls I could listen to something on my phone... So me being me, I picked a true crime YouTuber (Rotten Mango). She came back and checked my blood pressure every half an hour, which she was happy with. I just sat and passed the time. Getting more lucid with every passing minute. I was told I could carefully get dressed. My friend was delayed in traffic so I stayed an hour longer than I had to (4 hours in total) and the nurses I'd seen that day both have be a gentle hug and said it had been a pleasure to be with me that day. I slowly made my way to my friend's car and came home to a waiting husband. We took a short walk to the shop (my choice) to get me some light food to eat of crackers and a couple of fruit scones. I didn't immediately feel a need to rest so I gently sat at my computer and watched a few videos. Then at 6:00 I took one of the industrial strength codeine the hospital had given me and settled down to sleep for a couple of hours. I did sleep OK last night after going back to sleep again at about 1am and after taking 2 of the codeine which brings us to now. I've manged to eat, I'm still tender, but on the whole I'm OK less than 24 hours after surgery.
Sorry this was a long one and if you've made it to the end. Thank you for your time

How to help myself
As a Christian converted and practically when I have drowned in depression after being attacked and picked up to rehabs/wards wrongfully by family as probably for conflict resolution earlier this year which destroyed my life I rebuilt..my place was taken apart and I still don't have a new place living here and there hotels motels etc..looking upto family for help but they only make me suffer more...now as I have no one and myself depressed how to help myself... for Lords help like what should I do keep reading Bible and praying..? All my hard work and goals seem squandered and I'm living in hell almost literally what I feel since long time now..can't ständ my country also but need family's support to get out.. I'm 27 was.in college and partly working, India, all gone now..have no one no home even, stuff packed somewhere else..staying in a hotel rn can't afford many more days.. wanted to move to US ultimately..can't survive this season in this condition in my country also too much sensitivity I have gotten
I'm almost given up looking for.a new place doing since 3 months..have hardly any income left except money to eat... parents place is still open to go to the small town would be the worst for me mentally probably..still hoping on the parental promise of sponsorsing my study abroad move as they're well off or atleast good

Potentially triggering
I have GERD and I’m having trouble sleeping for the last 4 hours.. normally I will lay in bed and feel something come up. I usually don’t panic because I know what to do in that situation. I prop myself on my pillow and that usually fixes everything. If it gets really bad I’ll go get some tums, pepto or Zofran. Today I had to get that medicine (took it 2 hours ago).
This is different because it keeps coming back up but nothing comes out.. super annoying and I think I’m sick now because my remedies aren’t doing anything. I’m so exhausted I can barely stay awake to type this but it keeps happening and I really don’t want to tu* ugh.
If anyone is up can you talk, just about anything?

I am pondering on the spirituality of having long hair, or hair in general, and how it's different, culturally, for men and women.
My family background is Catholic, but we moved away from the church when I was young. I spent many years bouncing around and studying various aspect of other religions before eventually making my way back to Christ.
From looking at different religions, and cultures, I can see that there is something about hair that is more than just a fashion choice. In buddhism there is a practice of shaving your hair, to detatch from the world around you. In Taoism, there is a practice of growing your hair to connect to the world around you. In Sikhism they also have a practice of never cutting their hair. The Rastas grow their hair in part due to Leviticus (or Nazarite vow type thing) but they also have other reasons for doing so. In the old testament we have Samson. Not to mention the old testament laws about cutting or shaving. I say all that to say that it's not something that I would dismiss quickly.
My own personal thoughts are something like this; we are created in God's image, and we have this hair on our head that grows extremely long. When looking at other creations, with fur, or feathers, it always grows to a certain length, then stays, for us humans our hair usually only grows about a metre long before stopping. So then I wonder, why is it like this?
I am not suggesting or alluding that God's image is that of an unkempt wild man, I think obviously some hygene and maintainance is expected of us, but how much?
When people join cults, the army, and in some cases when they go to prison, their hair will be shaved(also slavery). The purpose of this is to remove their identity, so they can be one of many, stripping them of their uniqueness.
(this might be a little new age influenced) I have heard it said somewhere that hair is like antennae, I think this is a Native American belief (who knows if that's accurate). I think about how women are said to have more 'intuition' than men, and how they can just 'feel things' a bit more, but what if this is neither a masculine nor femine trait, but rather a long hair trait. (If you're into conspiracies about keeping people blind you can insert one here). I myself have has long hair and short hair at different points in my life, and I can't say it personally gave me superpowers, something for sure feels different about my perception, although I wouldn't say it's not just in my own head. Jesus is often depicted with long hair, although this is only a tradition, why is it?
TLDR:

1. Many religions say long hair good, is there something in it?
   
2. God created us to have long hair, is that what he wanted?
   
3. Shaving, cutting hair is often a punishment, why do us men do it so voluntarily now? Where did this practice come from?
   
4. Hair and intuition, why women have more (of both)
   

Disclaimer:
This is a theological, philosophical, and spiritual discussion. It may be more about tradition than scripture

Been seeing a lot of this, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", and I get it. I mean I really, really get it. But... if "at my worst" includes unchecked offensive or harmful behavior that makes everyone around me feel like they have to walk on eggshells, best believe I should be left alone to deal with it. If my worst includes negligence in my own self care that leads me to be abusive, people should be distancing from me and protecting themselves. This doesn't mean anyone with boundaries who can't stick around to be abused doesn't love me. It means they love themselves, and that's not selfishness, it's obligatory self-care.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" may just mean if you can't support me through the rough patches, you don't get to share in my successes. And that's fair. Nobody should invest their time and energy into people who are unreliable, fickle, disloyal, and one sided. But, I see this saying being used to justify all kinds of stuff sometimes, and it really bothers me. Don't get me wrong, I've been completely abandoned during the worst periods of my life by people who said they were my friends. But honestly, when my triggers were spiraling out of control before I got into treatment, it was the right thing to do to protect themselves from my outbursts. Were my feelings valid? Sure they were. I was suffering from legitimate trauma that quite literally damaged my brain. But my behavior was out of line, and it's not the obligation of my loved ones to present themselves as targets when I can't tell the difference between friend and foe, and as someone still recovering from that trauma it's not my obligation to present myself as a target when someone else can't tell the difference. That doesn't mean I don't love my friends. It means I value my own mental health and am understandably not willing to sacrifice it just so someone else can have "proof" I love them enough. Love isn't abuse. Love isn't accepting abuse. You can love someone very much and still need to be away from them while they work on learning to control their behavior.

I've had ADHD symptoms my whole childhood, which has caused severe trauma and mental damage to me. As a child, I would frequently neglect or fail to complete my homework assignments, which continues to this day (freshmen in college). This resulted in numerous teacher conferences and emails in which they told my parents, "Your child is so smart; he just doesn't work hard or apply his mind." I was also in the gifted programme, and I read online that gifted students are more likely to have ADHD than others. During work, I am extremely disruptive to my colleagues and friends, and I am frequently distracted.
Of course, those of you with ADHD are already aware of the symptoms, so I won't go into detail, but these and other factors (chronic forgetfulness, rejection sensitivity, poor time management, failing college classes, etc...) have prompted me to schedule a neuropsych evaluation for ADHD for tomorrow morning. What should I expect, and what types of tests will they administer? What do these tests look for, and what distinguishes an ADHD patient from a typical individual taking them? What will the psychologists ask me about? Also, please feel free to discuss your personal diagnosis procedure. I am interested in learning more about what I am putting myself into.

I’m proud of myself! I finally stood up for myself to NPs about them trying to add more tasks to my job (for free). I also spoke to them about the state of the place especially dishes in the sink etc. obviously I said this all respectfully!
I have never done this and I feel amazing! Thank you everyone for giving supporting advice to others that I in turn have used.
People, it might seem so so hard, but if you never do it, you’ll end up doing a thousand extra jobs.

I distanced myself from my LO colleague. Although not sure if it was me who was limerent at first or him!?
I started off “normal” & fairly chatty, but he was awkward around me & messaged out of hours sometimes. I then got awkward because he was awkward with me first - what a mess. There was definitely something brewing.
I’m not an awkward person, I didn’t like the feeling of being shy/vulnerable, not knowing how to be around him so I decided I couldn’t be bothered with it & distanced myself. I Removed myself from the work Whatsapp group, stopped texting him direct & only emailed when I had to. Sometimes it really is hard to tell who is limerent first. Anyone else experience this?

Hey everyone I am just looking for advice. I am autistic and I have an awesome girlfriend who I love very much. We just had our two year anniversary. She is okay with me being autistic and is very supportive but I can tell it’s really difficult for both of us sometimes.
Recently, I have been having some issues communicating and have been having embarrassing meltdowns that frankly lead to me being an asshole and treating her in a way that is unacceptable. My problem is, how do I stop from getting so overwhelmed?
I just told her I want to go camping by myself for a night. While I do love camping with her I have been needing some real alone time to decompress and get some weight off of my shoulders by myself. I feel horribly guilty and anxious that she will resent me because of it. I also feel this way when I want to play games over discord, or if I try to play dnd (I’m in two games and she isn’t playing right now).
I’m so afraid i’ll mess something up because I overthink it, or that i’ll become too emotional and at stupid stuff. Also, is it dumb to want to be alone for a whole night? I just want to do what I want to and have nobody near me for a bit. I love her so much, and i don’t want to keep mistreating her.
Thanks

Hi! I'm a first yr med student and I need advice lang on this dilemma I have put myself into.
So would it be wise to attend a week-long immersion program but miss lectures and 2 exams na I'll have to make up for during the finals week in our school. Finals is already scary enough so I am scared na dagdagan pa ng make up exams yung workload ko during that week.
On one hand, I am very interested in primary health care and I think attending this program will really help me with my social and patient interaction skills and be more aware of the current health situation of our country. I feel like I'm going to regret if I don't take this opportunity considering din na they select a very limited number of students in this program.
But I'm also thinking na I still have years of pre-clinicals to gain experience and opportunities so letting this go may not be that bad?? BUT also I heard that 2nd yr will be a diff kind of hell with the degree of workload they have so I don't think I can squeeze in anything like a week-long immersion program during those months soooo what would u do if u were me rn :((
idk anymore pls help! TYIA

Hi everyone, I’m looking for friends with more life experience as it’s scary being plunged into the adult world with no real guidance.
For context, I recently lost my mom to cancer a few months ago. I’m not too close with my dad and don’t really have other family/family friends in my country nor that I’m close with.
At my most recent workplace, my closest friend was a a grandma in her 60s, and I really appreciated her wisdom and the safety I felt having someone to talk about personal topics free of judgment.
I just graduated from college and have no full time job yet, so I feel like I’m in limbo just flying solo through life.
Additional info
Although I foresee myself working in corporate for the next couple of years, it would be my dream to act in or produce a movie/show, or work in something entrepreneurial later in my life. I’m interested in tv/film, tech, food, and board games. I used to play video games much more but now I only really play casually since most of my friends quit and my computer is getting way too old to run most games well.
My favorite live action show would be The Good Place, and my favorite animated show would probably be either Mob Psycho 100 or She-ra. For movies, it would be Dune 2 and Puss in Boots 2. I really appreciate media that showcases characters that feel real and dynamic, and have depth to them, where I feel like I can empathize. I also think it’s cool when media instills “good” values subtly, or explores real world topics (e.g philosophy and theology) and crafts a cohesive setting/plot around it.

For greater context I’ve just turned 26 (M) and I’ve never had sex, nor have I had any relationship experience. This is due to a multitude of excuses/reasons in my past. Fresh out of Highschool I was a pretty anxious dude and didn’t like talking to people. Once I started college I started to open up more made some friends but I would always tell myself I had no time for girls or that school is more important, etc etc. (classic cope)
Fast forward to today and I’m now a college graduate with a goal of leaving the country by the end of the year or early next year.
Now I need to say this because I think it is important in regards to how I think I’ll be perceived, but I’m confident I’m an attractive guy. Not a stud but I go to the gym regularly, I take care of myself, have nice hair, etc.
I think the issue (if you want to call it that goes a bit deeper than that) is more so with the type of person I am. I’m very introverted but in the sense that I don’t go out of my way to talk to people but if someone talks to me I’ll gladly respond and carry a conversation. Even lead it in most cases, I just don’t have the social battery for it most days. In the last year or so I’ve been dealing with a lot of sexual frustration. It comes and goes but sometimes it can be too much and it turns into this sad pit in my stomach kind of feeling.
I’ve come to realize that I think I’m a demisexual or atleast I lean more in that direction. Growing up I’ve had crushes but never acted on them because I would always feel inadequate and in adulthood I’ve had a real tough time understanding the psychology behind wanting to fuck women just because they’re attractive/pretty. It would be the typical guy talk you’d hear. My coworkers would practically drool over girls who walk by and I’d never really care to look. I can acknowledge when I see someone that I find really pretty but that’s never enough for me to be legitimately interested in someone. I noticed whenever I would swipe on dating apps I would find myself paying more attention to the backgrounds of photos than the actual person in the picture. Looking for potential hobbies or interests that person may share with me. This need for more information felt like a sort of barrier between me and finding natural/organic romantic relationships.
In most everyday situations sex is the last thing on my mind lol. However, my libido and sex drive is VERY high. When I’m at home and my mind begins to wander, I get this sudden burst of emotions that lead me towards masturbating without fail. Ive always been really horny and bad at controlling myself with porn and things like that. My brain tells me this is just my way of letting it out. I don’t think porn has affected the way I view women at all as I like to consume porn that is story driven (mostly manhwa) or stuff that’s more intimate and believable. It’s not really about if the women is some super hot model or anything.
This is the thing I’d like to mainly address. Mentally I’m sexually frustrated because I want a romantic partner REALLY bad, but my current situation doesn’t permit it. Masturbating is almost like a suppressor for this overwhelming sadness. I even find myself getting my fix of romance through dramas or rom com movies/tv shows. Living vicariously through the characters in the show hoping that one day I’ll have what they do.
Even saying that out loud feels a bit depressing lol. But nonetheless it’s true. My plan is to stick it out for another year until I move out the country and hopefully begin my soul searching. I think a big part of me feels this wouldn’t be as big of an issue if I had some relationship experience in the past. Not knowing what it’s like makes it so much worse and only makes me crave it more.
Holding hands, kissing, pleasing someone else you love, sounds awesome. I feel like I’m about to explode if I don’t experience it anytime soon. At the same time I’ll probably wake up tomorrow and forget about it for a bit until I’m up at those lonely hours of the night. Appreciate anyone who read this far. Felt good to spout this message into the void.

Particularly speaking the strawhats are dealing with this issue where unlike the other arcs they simply don't have an army backing them up currently speaking. Now that might not sound like a huge issue to some considering they're a Yonkou crew and whatnot but this creates an interesting problem for the writer.
See most of the time fodder is used to fill in the gaps, pad out the battlefield in shonen anime even tho we know that the main factor will always be the main players in winning or losing the war in these types of shows. So often times fodder is used an interesting way to show off the power and caliber of these characters. Like Luffy defeating thousands with his conquerors Haki or Kaidou annihilating an army with his dragon breath.
But right now since the enemy has no fodder to fight the writer is having to demonstrate their power by either having the main characters getting their asses kicked even when they're gonna get back up immediately like they weren't even harmed at all because they can't be out of the game otherwise the story wouldn't happen (cough Sanji getting look diffed cough Sanji getting getting bitten cough) or the villains aren't getting to show their real capabilities at all. That's kind of why this arc has been a huge progenitor of so much agenda in the recent weeks. People calling Gorosei frauds even tho they never got to demonstrate their true power. People calling Sanji a fraud cuz he got look diffed, people calling Zoro a fraud cuz he couldn't one shot Lucci, people calling Kizaru a fraud even tho the man had to fight a Yonkou, etc.
The villains powers are so I consistent simply because there's no way for us to measure it. How deadly is Saturn's stare? Can Zoro one shot Lucci or not? Is Kizaru being serious vs Luffy or not?
This is just something came to my mind and I wanted to share my thoughts. I'm kinda sick rn so I can't articulate myself correctly but I will be replying in the comments if I feel like I couldn't get my point across.

I keep thinking about my experience in academia (Ph.D. and postdoc), an unsuccessful attempt to escape and how I dug my grave with my own hands.
I keep reading about recent developments in US biotech industry and its has been absolutely disheartening. The job market right now is awful and it has not bottomed out.
I cannot help, but thinking how did I arrive at this point and what could I have done to save myself???
I am speaking here about my experience in life sciences. I hope that the situation is better in other areas, but life sciences are absolutely over-saturated, over-flowing and under-paid area of STEM, probably along with chemistry.
Long time ago, after 1 year into the Ph.D. program, I got a weird feeling. I quietly approached people in the lab, with whom I was on friendly terms and they confirmed my worst expectations. Essentially, the unspoken (and un-communicated!!!) assumption was that after a year or so a Ph.D. student should show to the PI outstanding results, worthy of publication in "Nature", "Science" etc. Obviously, with no help, no guidance, no support. The PI did not want to tarnish his academic CV with publications in low- or medium-impact journals! So, if you could not show a potential for a publication in "Nature" (or similar journal), the PI would simply lose interest in you and "dis-own" you. This meant no support of any kind, no interest in your defense and no recommendation letter. Nothing! I saw this done to several people in our group. The PI tried (in some cases very successfully) to sabotage careers of his subordinates.
Remainder of my Ph.D. was absolute mental torture. I knew that without support of the PI I had not a single chance for academic career. Basically, academic career was dead for me. Every day I experienced a mental torture of senseless work. I knew that it was absolutely pointless to continue my Ph.D. The project was going nowhere. The PI lost all interest. By then I knew very well, how competitive and cutthroat was academia. I could have just sat in my office, collected stipend for another year or more and walked away. There was no point of doing anything. It was like digging a hole in the ground and then filling it back with same soil. Again and again and again! Every day! Coming to the lab, doing senseless work, knowing that it was all meaningless and continue doing it over and over -- just to have something to put in the thesis. This experience crippled me to the point that now I absolutely cannot stand any meaningless work.
I defended my Ph.D. and somehow got a postdoc in a shitty lab. 3 years of my postdoctoral experience could be described by one word: abuse! Constant lies, gaslighting, micromanagement, disrespect, threats, being underpaid, being overworked. I clearly remember that I cried because I did not have a courage to commit suicide.
I tried to seek on-line, on various forums advice on how to get out of this situation. To put it short, I was "trolled" and bullied by academics to the point of mental meltdown.
Recently I tried to find a career coach / mentor. Needless to say, my search was unsuccessful. There is no help out there! Sure, there are people that gladly will take your money in return to sugarcoated fluff. But that's it!
I have been thinking a lot about career coaching / career guidance. You know what? Absence of good advice / a lot of bad advice was, probably, a final "death blow" to my aspirations.
First of all, I did not understand how hiring works and no one explained it to me. It is not that there is a great mystery about hiring, it is that no one ever explained it to me. Secondly, I falsely believed that I could capitalize on Ph.D. itself and a set of so called "transferable skills". Lie! No one hires based on transferrable skills! Transferable skills == soft skills. If you have only transferable skills = soft skills, you can get a job of an admin assistant. Because you need good communication skills and critical thinking when scheduling meetings and taking minutes. But! If you have transferable skills and a Ph.D., you will NOT get a job of admin assistant, because you are "over-qualified".
I always knew that my Ph.D. in molecular biology was completely worthless! Yes, I had to learn every single method and protocol myself, without any help! Yes, I worked 60 hr and 80 hr weeks. But you cannot put this on resume and hope that HR will value it. Even today, years after I completed my Ph.D., I can explain every single methods and every single experiment that I did. Because I did everything on my own, without any help!!! I should be proud of myself, but I actually hate myself -- because I cannot sell it. Because market values "rock-stars", because market values what's trendy and what's in demand!
I was led astray by all this trash advice about "customizing your resume" and "highlighting transferrable skills". I have missed an opportunity of a lifetime!!! 5 or 6 years ago people, who attended coding bootcamps, could actually get a job as a programmer!!! Yes, not too long ago employers were actually scooping people, who completed coding bootcamps!!! That would have been my chance of getting the hell out of academia. I had a gut feeling that my Ph.D. was a complete waste of time, I suspected that I need to write-off Ph.D. as a loss and re-educate myself completely to have a chance! And I have missed an opportunity of a lifetime to learn how to code, to get into bootcamp, to get an entry-level coding job and move on from there. Now there are ongoing layoffs in tech and job market is flooded with junior coders. The gates are closed.
Instead, I wasted my time tinkering / customizing my resume and thinking how to sell "transferrable skills". Wrong, wrong, wrong! I do not think that anything like it will ever come again. When you can teach yourself, when you can get through the bootcamp and get into a field with good pay and career growth!!!
To all people out there: I cannot stress enough, watch out for bad advice!!! Look for a good advice -- its worth it's weight in gold!

I am really struggling not to hurt myself. I’ve been clean for 156 days and I really don’t want to restart. Also my girlfriend was feeling kinda shitty earlier and I don’t want to make that worse by hurting myself but I just don’t know how long I can be strong for.

First Prev Archive Royal Road Patreon
Greetings, fair readers! And the unfair ones, cause why not? Okay, so I'm getting ready to jump into the next part, so I've been cleaning up and editing the previous chapters to make my story ready for you all. I've also started posting this story on Royal Road, and there's a link to my fictions page there in the header and footer. There's also a Patreon link if you feel like donating, it's greatly appreciated.
Some of this editing over was really just correcting old errors, and some of it was getting myself back in the headspace of the writing. As some of you might remember, I started the story out on a multi-day writing binge that saw me not sleeping, and getting dinged repeatedly by the 4 post limit of the sub-reddit (I don't blame them, I get the reason for that, it just was a thing that happened.). As well, there are bits coming up that deal with trauma and PTSD, and it's gonna be a bit raw for me.
I've also straightened out the Wiki for the story, and done previous and next buttons for those of you that want to re-read the story up to this point. So what happens now?
I'm catching up the archive on Royal Road, though it's spaced out so I'm not dropping some insane glut of chapters, with a mind to catch them up to here while getting my name out there. I am also producing another series, Incremental Improvement, which is also on there and here. I will still be producing both stories on here.
It's going to go like this: I'll keep freewriting until I'm caught up on both sites, then from there, I'll be creating a more permanent release schedule, and I have a third story in mind, though I do need to finish getting that thought out. I have a few thoughts on genre, since I don't want to be writing side-by-side series set in the same universe, so it could go a few ways. I'll be scouring for writing prompts as well to see what strikes my fancy.
First Prev Archive Royal Road Patreon

More of a "basic human interaction" issue I guess!
I'm on a work trip abroad and one of my colleagues and I went out last night to see some of the sights. Initially I had no ulterior motives (I've recently separated form my long time gf, and have been busy with work so relationships aren't really on my mind atm), we had simply discussed wanting to see some of the sights before she left (this afternoon), so I invited her along to one of my evening walks and she happily accepted.
We had a great evening, talked all night and there was definitely a connection, body language, light touching etc. Later in the evening we joined some of our other colleagues for dinner and had a few drinks, where one of them commented to me in private that he thought we looked good together, which got me thinking that actually, she was very much my type and perhaps I should see how things go.
A few more drinks are had, then we all return to our hotel where everyone parts ways - she comments that she needs to pack her things but wished we could have had more time to chat, so I wish her goodnight and we part ways.
Myself and another colleague stay for another drink, then head to bed.. at this point I decide to send her a text saying that I had a great time, enjoyed her company etc., and she reciprocates. This is where I fuck up.. I then stupidly decide to invite her to my room and she doesn't reply. I awoke this morning feeling mortified. I also realised she probably thinks I'm an asshole, as no one really knows I've recently separated from my ex (she had been a part of a conversation earlier in the week, where another colleague had mentioned my ex as if we were still together, and I did not correct them).
We work in a very large company and it's unlikely we'll bump into each other at work, but I feel like I should apologise for my inappropriateness and also explain that I am no longer in a relationship... but i'm unsure if it's too late for that and should just let it be and wallow in my embarrassment... part of me is also thinking that i'm overreacting. As i'm sure you can tell, it's been a while since I've been this position!
Any advice please?

For some context, the guy I'm friends with is a guy with whom I broke up with recently. However, I was crying yesterday because of a misunderstanding between us (that we were not aware was a misunderstanding) and he replied with "there are better things to cry about". I was deeply hurt by that. I addressed that yesterday and he said that "you must understand that some reasons are not worth crying over". He said that given that "I didn't provide him with enough information for him to make a proper judgement". He said that he knows he doesn't have a full picture, which is true, I didn't say almost nothing but "I'm struggling with my feelings". He said that he won't apologize for being honest and open with me, cuz that's what friends do and told me to ask questions if I'm unsure in terms of his statements. He said that if I want good support I must tell him stuff and tell him what I need in the moment. But I am deeply hurt by him devaluing my problems. I don't like when my feelings are disregarded, I am sad around him whenever we are spending time together. I sometimes find myself regretting meeting him, out of sadness, not anger. Yet, he has good traits, he knows how to praise. He supports and believes in me "cuz he sees a capable person". What are the thoughts on this?

So to start I am 16f, please please dont come for me or shame me for this I already know its bad! But I like a… 12M… I KNOW ITS SO BAD. But I really need help trying to lose feelings for him.
I guess to sort of put things into my perspective, I am below average height, about 4’9 1/2. He’s taller than me, and what I am also very ashamed to admit he’s also stronger than me. I could probably just smack myself right now because I feel absolutely ridiculous being weaker and shorter than a 12 year old.
But anyhow he feels close to my age or more so I feel closer to his age cause it almost feels like I sorta stopped aging(for sure stopped growing). And I think it’s because of those facts that I have no trouble catching feelings for him. But I am reminded over and over of our age difference.
I know the maturity difference and I am trying my best to not try to justify it but believe it or not I’m more innocent then he is but also mentally our maturity is maybe like a year or two difference which I know is not a good thing.
He also is my ex from a couple months back and told to our friends that he wants to get back with me. It’s taking all of me to not get back with him as is. But I needed someone to tell me how can I lose feelings for him. I know I have to stop liking him, PLEASE HOW DO I?? I feel super duper freaking weird liking him but i cant help it. PLEASE ask anything you want to know! I’ll answer quickly

TLDR after growing up w narcissist dad and then being in multiple relationships w narcissist men as an adult, idk how to accept/enjoy a healthy relationship
Hey yall, I’ve recently started dating this guy and he is kind and loving in a way I’m not at all used to. My dad is a narcissist and my mom was super codependent with him. As such, I typically go for the narcissistic type, where I have to earn their affection… someone outright caring about me, wanting to be there for me, thinking so highly of me, etc without me having to “do” anything or “work for it”… just for me being me… feels unsettling. It almost makes me feel like there must be something wrong with him (there isn’t — he’s lovely and kind and smart and etc etc etc) or like the relationship isn’t worthwhile.
All of this to say, I’m struggling so deeply with accepting it. It’s crazy to me I dated guys who’d yell at me, belittle me, etc and I’d be obsessed with them… but this guy treats me like I hung the moon, and he does one thing wrong or annoying (something as small as putting dishes away in the wrong spot) and I start internally spiraling into how I should dump him. It’s weird because I’m typically so anxiously attached but in this relationship I’m teetering on avoidant. When it’s good it feels easy and safe. But I feel myself pull away when I feel like he’s too loving or kind or affectionate. It is somehow offputting when he asks me how he can be helpful or when he tells me he thinks I’m beautiful.
I’ve talked about this w some non-narc tainted friends and their responses are usually something along the lines of “are you sure you’re into him?” Which then makes me question my reality even further. And I just don’t know if that lens captures what’s going on. Like that might be the response for someone without narcissistic trauma, but I’m not sure the same logic can be applied here bc of how skewed my perception of love and relationships is from how I grew up.
All of this to say, I’m having a really hard time embracing this relationship despite it being the exact type of guy I hoped to find for myself, and I was wondering if anyone else has encountered something similar? Would so love any advice ❤️❤️

I (32M) have been with my currently company for about 7 years. At within those periods, I have been promoted twice na. Initially, di ko inexpect na magtatagal ako sa company na to because when I started working here, I only aimed to stay for 6 months lang kasi may "promise" sa akin yung previous company ko after my end of contract.
So until na hindi ako binalikan, and I was fairly treated naman rin, I decided to stay na lang. And besides, nakakatamad maglakad ng paulit ulit sa mga requirements for pre-employment. Nauubusan na ko ng lakas at pasensya. Char!
While being in the company for quite some time now, it was never really my goal to get promoted talaga. Gusto ko lang, nagtatrabaho ako, and sumasahod ng maayos. Started my way from rank & file, tapos naangat as a specialist. Then I was offered to apply as a supervisor. Lo and behold, nakuha ako for the position! This came as a great surprise for me kasi I wasn't really pushing na makuha ko. I presented myself well during the interview, and gave my sample work to show I can contribute sa bagong team. Went far and beyond my job description para mapatunayan na I was serious for the position. Of course, mega OT si kumag kasi nakita nya na ganun ang culture haha!
So within the 3 years of being in the supervisory post, many of the days and night, nangailangang mag todo sa pag OT. Kasi sa simula ng bagong team, iilan pa lang kami. We only started having supports after almost 6 months upon the creation sa team namin kaya sobra ang workload per members. Until na nagkaroon na ng team members, medyo gumaan naman. We were able to lessen our burden, pero madalas parin kaming mag OT. We would render no less than 2 hours kasi ng majority of our tasks, kinapa pa muna namin bago namin nagamay ng husto. At times, I can say na we attributed our team's success with all the extra work na ginagawa namin. Pero when they have opened a managerial position, of which I was actually promised to have given na nga with my tenure in the company, and also the knowledge in the process.
I am using the word "promised" kasi may nakuha na for the position, and I was talked to getting the next available managerial post once magkaroon ng opening. I was fine with it, no biggie. All fair naman with the recruiting process eh. That's when I notices myself taking less overtimes at work, and doing a maximum of 30 minutes to 1 hour na OT. There would still be moments na may additional especially kapag mga last minutes na asked by other departments or team. Di rin naman maiiwasan yun.
Pero fast forward to a few months before na umalis yung senior manager namin and yung manager na directly akong reporting, nag pasa ng resignation. So nagkaroon ulit ng opening. Di rin naman nag abiso ang mga bosses na magkakaroon ng opening, assuming na mag coconduct ulit ng interviews to those interested to apply. Pero when the leaders where already leaving the company, nagkapilian na pala ng mga susunod sa yapak. Ok no, roleta ang pilian? Only to find out na yung kinuha nilang bagong manager hasn't been with the company for quite some time. And this manager has been with some lapses rin. Di ko naman sinasabing perfect ako sa position ko ha. Sinasabi ko lang naman hahaha!
And I had siguro the longest conversation sa senior manager ko what has transpired sa decision process nila. And I was ok with it. Di naman ako galit. Siguro, sumama lang yung loob ko kasi parang I was placed on the side, knowing na ginawa ko naman lahat ng magagawa ko para maqualify ako sa trabaho. Pero of course, wala naman ako sa time ng decision making. And I wasn't even presented an offer. So, ano ba alam ko, diba?
At the beginning of the new management, medyo nahirapan kami sa isa't isa. Of course daming rough patches na di ineexpect. Tapos may mga ibang process na nagbago kaya kapaan ulit. So the relationship that I had with my new manager at the beginning was not so smooth. Napapagalitan madalas, and had to be corrected at times. (Ako po, hindi sya). Pero nagkalaunan, umayos rin naman. And we got the rhythm on each other's workaround sa mga processes na hawak namin.
But there is one thing na talagang nag resonate sakin during our coaching/touchbase namin sa mga ongoing projects and tasks. Sinabi nya: "If you feel na di mo matatapos agad within the work day yung certain task na hindi urgent, ipag-pabukas mo na lang. We need rin our rest para di natin maabuso yung katawan natin. Imbes na we are working for our families, pagbabayaran pa ng health natin yung pag overwork natin." And I somehow understand na di ko pala need abusuhin sarili ko para lang masabi kong "ubos na workload" ko. It only shows how poor sometimes our time management bakit di natin natatapos lahat within the 8 hours work day. And my previous resentment sa manager ko was dissepated dahil sa sinabi nya. Di naman talaga mauubusan ng trabaho. Nandyan na yan eh. Pero it's all about how to manage your time and tasks wisely. So there, I don't render overtime na so much kasi I learned to take care of myself muna. And I have grown to spend more time with my family imbes na nakababad ako sa trabaho. And I love it how I have learned to love that idea rin.