Oxymoron worksheets
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.
2022.01.16 05:22 throwaway_aconscious Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.
1-15-2022
A Consciousness
I have decided to begin writing the stream of my consciousness down every so often. I realized that fundamentally while I have memories of past experiences, I cannot and do not remember the state of mind or consciousness that I had at the time. While I can remember 6th grade, I could not tell you what was different about the way I thought at that time. It’s like a lack of memories from before the age of 4. The mundane activities of life are totally removed but the memories of specific events stay. I find that even when I remember a specific event, I can only remember one general emotion. For example, remembering graduating high school is really only a feeling of general happiness with some unease thrown in that I was officially done with another mile stone that I hadn’t even thought about. The happiness is easily explainable, but the feeling of unease is something that can never be replicated even in my own head. It’s the culmination of an entire lifetime completely from my own perspective. It’s a flash in the pan of my identity and consciousness which is in and of itself a flash in the pan of all events that occur. We are often defined by our exemplary moments where one emotion overtakes others but how often do we consider the other emotions that come with them? I’ve already gone off track and begun rambling but that is what I intend to happen with these writings. I do not want to go back and continually edit them to try and portray what I want other people to believe I think, I want to write what I’m thinking in a specific moment. I’m not sure if that makes any sense but I’ve always felt a disconnect between the way I act and the way I think about things.
Lately I have been feeling like my life has not gone the way I thought it would. The last 4 years of my life have been largely focused on college and my accounting degree. I started an internship on Monday of this week and it was not exceptionally difficult or stressful but the idea that I might spend the rest of my life sitting in front of a computer screen for work was the worst possible outcome I could expect from my life. It reminds me of the curse of the monkey paw. I’ve spent so much time playing video games and dinking around on my computer but the career I chose is one that primarily involves doing specifically that. Sitting there editing worksheets and preparing documents to help people pay taxes to the federal government. Talk about an ideological oxymoron. I still have 12 more weeks and the second half was much better than the first. The night and morning of first and second day of work was the worst feeling of dread and angst I have felt in a long time. Knowing that I would have to go into an office, tired from a messed up sleep schedule, and edit documents for 8 hours pretending to care and continually do this work without taking a break felt like the monkey paw hell. That is what I was thinking about tonight before making this document. What am I good at? What do I like to do? What gives me satisfaction? I’ve never been able to answer these questions and it’s been a stain on my soul for a long time. I’m good at accounting. I seem to be doing better than the previous intern. I’ve always done well in the classes even when others seem to be doing poorly or finding it difficult. But the fundamental truth is I do not care at all. I could not possibly care less or find any intrinsic reward in preparing 1099’s for businesses. The extrinsic rewards of money or status do not entice me either. The main issue is that I have not found an activity that I really really like doing. Most things I engage in are activities I only do because someone else told me it would be a good move or would be fun. Ironically these are the things that probably define me the most at this point in my life. It’s an emotional topic for me because I have tried to avoid it for so long. I joined Boy Scouts because my neighbor did. I got my Eagle Scout because people told me it was a good goal. I went to college because apparently its better than working a manual labor job according to my parents. I started business because it was a better option to get into law school than pre law. I started accounting as my major because my roommate was an accounting major and I realized general business made no sense. I’m currently on track to become a CPA because its supposedly a better track to having a good career as an accountant. I do not care. There is no motivation for me other than what I am supposed to do. The whole way through I just tried not to think about it. Is this what other people do? Do they just blindly walk through life without giving it any thought? I think deeply about many things such as politics, religion, the meaning of life, and even what motorcycle I should buy. But the most important things like career I just take the path I think would make someone else the most proud. Is that bad? I’ve only given more thought to it lately because the culmination of these decisions has led me to doing accounting in an office for a large portion of my day in lieu of a college class. In Fall I’ll probably continue on track to doing these activities on an even grander scale. What else am I supposed to do? Drop out? Change majors? Are these even options? I know that I always have options, but I wonder if I have put myself in a corner. I thought all last week that “maybe I’ll get used to it and this feeling of complete and utter despair and regret will just go away”. Maybe the feeling of wanting to throw up when I woke up and knew I had to go to work would simply go away. To a certain extent it did. The last half of the week went by fairly smoothly. Even now this word document is putting blue lines under incorrect grammar to try and change the nomenclature I’m using into something more concise. Heh… What do I want to do? I don’t know. I haven’t been sure my whole life. Am I depressed? Have I always felt this way? Did I feel this way when I was 4? 5? 10? 16? Last year? I can never quite figure out when this feeling began. I’d like to publish this somehow and see what other people have to say but that would undermine the entire point. I certainly don’t intend to go back and read what I wrote. I’m too scared to. Does everyone feel like this? Am I alone? This is the first time I’ve written out how I feel. Maybe this is my first chance to find out.
submitted by throwaway_aconscious to Vent [link] [comments]
A Consciousness
I have decided to begin writing the stream of my consciousness down every so often. I realized that fundamentally while I have memories of past experiences, I cannot and do not remember the state of mind or consciousness that I had at the time. While I can remember 6th grade, I could not tell you what was different about the way I thought at that time. It’s like a lack of memories from before the age of 4. The mundane activities of life are totally removed but the memories of specific events stay. I find that even when I remember a specific event, I can only remember one general emotion. For example, remembering graduating high school is really only a feeling of general happiness with some unease thrown in that I was officially done with another mile stone that I hadn’t even thought about. The happiness is easily explainable, but the feeling of unease is something that can never be replicated even in my own head. It’s the culmination of an entire lifetime completely from my own perspective. It’s a flash in the pan of my identity and consciousness which is in and of itself a flash in the pan of all events that occur. We are often defined by our exemplary moments where one emotion overtakes others but how often do we consider the other emotions that come with them? I’ve already gone off track and begun rambling but that is what I intend to happen with these writings. I do not want to go back and continually edit them to try and portray what I want other people to believe I think, I want to write what I’m thinking in a specific moment. I’m not sure if that makes any sense but I’ve always felt a disconnect between the way I act and the way I think about things.
Lately I have been feeling like my life has not gone the way I thought it would. The last 4 years of my life have been largely focused on college and my accounting degree. I started an internship on Monday of this week and it was not exceptionally difficult or stressful but the idea that I might spend the rest of my life sitting in front of a computer screen for work was the worst possible outcome I could expect from my life. It reminds me of the curse of the monkey paw. I’ve spent so much time playing video games and dinking around on my computer but the career I chose is one that primarily involves doing specifically that. Sitting there editing worksheets and preparing documents to help people pay taxes to the federal government. Talk about an ideological oxymoron. I still have 12 more weeks and the second half was much better than the first. The night and morning of first and second day of work was the worst feeling of dread and angst I have felt in a long time. Knowing that I would have to go into an office, tired from a messed up sleep schedule, and edit documents for 8 hours pretending to care and continually do this work without taking a break felt like the monkey paw hell. That is what I was thinking about tonight before making this document. What am I good at? What do I like to do? What gives me satisfaction? I’ve never been able to answer these questions and it’s been a stain on my soul for a long time. I’m good at accounting. I seem to be doing better than the previous intern. I’ve always done well in the classes even when others seem to be doing poorly or finding it difficult. But the fundamental truth is I do not care at all. I could not possibly care less or find any intrinsic reward in preparing 1099’s for businesses. The extrinsic rewards of money or status do not entice me either. The main issue is that I have not found an activity that I really really like doing. Most things I engage in are activities I only do because someone else told me it would be a good move or would be fun. Ironically these are the things that probably define me the most at this point in my life. It’s an emotional topic for me because I have tried to avoid it for so long. I joined Boy Scouts because my neighbor did. I got my Eagle Scout because people told me it was a good goal. I went to college because apparently its better than working a manual labor job according to my parents. I started business because it was a better option to get into law school than pre law. I started accounting as my major because my roommate was an accounting major and I realized general business made no sense. I’m currently on track to become a CPA because its supposedly a better track to having a good career as an accountant. I do not care. There is no motivation for me other than what I am supposed to do. The whole way through I just tried not to think about it. Is this what other people do? Do they just blindly walk through life without giving it any thought? I think deeply about many things such as politics, religion, the meaning of life, and even what motorcycle I should buy. But the most important things like career I just take the path I think would make someone else the most proud. Is that bad? I’ve only given more thought to it lately because the culmination of these decisions has led me to doing accounting in an office for a large portion of my day in lieu of a college class. In Fall I’ll probably continue on track to doing these activities on an even grander scale. What else am I supposed to do? Drop out? Change majors? Are these even options? I know that I always have options, but I wonder if I have put myself in a corner. I thought all last week that “maybe I’ll get used to it and this feeling of complete and utter despair and regret will just go away”. Maybe the feeling of wanting to throw up when I woke up and knew I had to go to work would simply go away. To a certain extent it did. The last half of the week went by fairly smoothly. Even now this word document is putting blue lines under incorrect grammar to try and change the nomenclature I’m using into something more concise. Heh… What do I want to do? I don’t know. I haven’t been sure my whole life. Am I depressed? Have I always felt this way? Did I feel this way when I was 4? 5? 10? 16? Last year? I can never quite figure out when this feeling began. I’d like to publish this somehow and see what other people have to say but that would undermine the entire point. I certainly don’t intend to go back and read what I wrote. I’m too scared to. Does everyone feel like this? Am I alone? This is the first time I’ve written out how I feel. Maybe this is my first chance to find out.
2021.05.11 04:25 jose1988x test p2
 | [Continued from Part 1] submitted by jose1988x to u/jose1988x [link] [comments] That's it for the NEOTEC reasons, but I wanted to add a few more of my own. Here's an example of an ignored correction which reveals an aspect of the system not mentioned in any of the reports. Evidently, this system had a sanity test to prevent verifications in cases where there were more votes than registered voters. An example of this occurred with #81281: Correction: UCS = 0, MAS = 35. (Juror miscopied vote totals from worksheet.) https://preview.redd.it/tltm4nblhey61.png?width=3679&format=png&auto=webp&s=7ce8e2f40c8e520e3a4158348d2a2bb8179d7248 All the vote totals match, so you'd think it would get verified, but the second row is an ESPERANDO APROBACION event (ie. a failed verification). It failed because both operators ignored the correction and gave a transcription with more votes than registered voters, which the system rejected. There are also cases of tally sheets which were transmitted but never processed at all. In other words, there's a REGISTRADA event, but no other events after that, so there was no effort to validate the vote totals. One of the explanations for this is that the REGISTRADA event occurred after 15:00 on the day after the election, which is when the verification operators packed it in after having worked from 14:40-15:00 on the resumed TREP. There are a few mysterious cases, though, where the REGISTRADA event occurs before that, and somehow it was never processed. For example, #1250: https://preview.redd.it/lg0o3l4rhey61.jpg?width=4128&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b88321b8ea411829c50629c49286a30c760a9d86 https://preview.redd.it/fdhgqbophey61.png?width=3671&format=png&auto=webp&s=67e5148714c9b27fd34f6c7c23c4af454ae3495c It's not clear why this happened, or why the sheet was transmitted so late. Tally sheets like these represent one of the only real question marks I have about the data, but it's been my experience that the answers to these sort of questions are almost always dull and non-fraudulent. [NOTE: 66 ACTA COLUMNS (43 PREZ, 23 UNINOMINAL DEPUTY) HAD THIS SAME THING HAPPEN. NO ATTEMPT AT ALL TO VALIDATE THE TALLY SHEET, DESPITE IT BEING SENT BEFORE VERIFS ENDED. LOL - WHAT IF THE 'FLAT DE COMPUTADO' THING AFFECTED THE TREP TOO? WHO KNOWS.] The last reason for a tally sheet to fail is a simple but important one: dumb mistakes. Sometimes, even when the tally sheet is legible and complete and there are no issues with it, one of the operators will transcribe it incorrectly, causing the verification to fail. There were about 34,000 sheets that went into the TREP, and about double that if you consider all the individual columns, so mistakes are to be expected. Such cases should've been resolved by the reviewers, but for reasons I'll explain later, those reviewers almost certainly didn't get to all the tally sheet columns that failed verification. Take #34125, for example: https://preview.redd.it/luj4qpbvhey61.jpg?width=3264&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4da26bb8112563ecfc52a46ec5a584b2002528e9 https://preview.redd.it/wc8l2hawhey61.png?width=3684&format=png&auto=webp&s=69051dad5fafd818340f7947e1653685ed1d9e22 This one should've been a slam-dunk, but the transmission operator hit the '2' key twice on FPV's vote total, which ruined the verification and pushed the tally sheet to the review process, but it was never approved, almost certainly because no reviewer ever got the chance to look at it. Or #40210: https://preview.redd.it/3e5xy1k4iey61.jpg?width=4128&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=34dc71a5bb130d12207db755e9bdc7c93ef83ef1 https://preview.redd.it/bhizkqm0iey61.png?width=3676&format=png&auto=webp&s=f84e1771ee074e65b8117ca79baaa6cb137beda3 Another slam-dunk, but the verification operator missed FPV's vote total, so the verification failed and then the tally sheet was exiled to the review process, never to return. In a series of public demonstrations of the system before the election, the TREP's developer said the system warned verification operators when their transcription didn't match the one sent from the polling place, giving them the chance to revise the non-matching vote totals, but it seems the verification operator didn't correct the simple error they made here, perhaps due to carelessness and/or time pressure. [PROVIDE CITATION] There are many cases of dumb mistakes, each with its own dumb explanation, but the real question isn't what caused the verifications to fail but rather why a reviewer didn't approve them later. I think I have the answer, though: There were only six reviewers. In NEOTEC's report, it was said that there were 20 of them, but the TREP logs only show six. What's more, the specific mix of reviewers depended on the moment, with a max of four active at any given time. These four reviewers couldn't keep up with the failed verifications generated by a much larger group of about 350 verification operators. The logs show 3922 cases in which a tally sheet column failed verification, requiring intervention from a reviewer to resolve the non-matching transcriptions. This is a lot of work for four people, especially in a compressed time-frame in a 'quick count', so it's no surprise they only approved 1363 of the 3922 columns. What's more, only 25% of those approvals came on Election Night. The rest are from the day after, between 15:00-21:44 after the TREP had resumed, when four of them trudged their way through some of the unverified crud that had built up over the course of the vote count. To get an idea of how overwhelmed they were, consider this graph of the review process starting at 16:00 on Election Day. During that period, 3149 failed verifications piled up and the reviewers, who started late, only approved 322 before the SERECI's power was cut at 20:07: failed_verifs - approvals = columns stuck in the review process. Some of the columns trapped in the review process are ones that didn't meet the criteria, but a lot of them did. It's clear that the reviewers on Election Night were either setting aside difficult cases in search of low-hanging fruit or they simply didn't get to many of them. A fair number of columns that failed verification on Election Night were approved after the TREP was resumed the next day. The crew of reviewers on the following day was a bit different from the day before, as two of the ones from Election Night didn't work the next day and were replaced by two others, one a sort of super administrator who'd worked early on Election Day and the other a user who first appears in the logs at this time. These reviewers worked at a similar pace as the day before, but they did so for a longer period of time, from 15:00 (or 16:00) to 21:44, then gave up and left what remained. 94.8% of these approvals were of columns that failed verification the day before. Like I said, it seems that their capacity to review tally sheet columns was limited, which allowed a build-up of failed verifications on Election Night and then, the following day, when they set to reviewing what had accumulated, they were only able to approve 1018 columns before the day ended and they retired. They could've continued, I suppose, but a three-day quick count seems like an oxymoron, right? Still, when I did a little research into previous elections like the 2017 Judicial Elections, it seems like the TSE continued the TREP for several days and ultimately tried to take the count as far as it could go. [CITATION] It's not clear why that didn't happen here, but I imagine it's another facet of the 2019 TSE's disastrous mismanagement of the preliminary count. Also, the review process would've moved faster if there had been more reviewers, but it's worth considering that these reviewers are likely to be TSE managers of some sort, since they have individual power to determine published vote totals, and there probably aren't too many people like that. That could also be the reason the reviewers seem to start late on both days, as they might have tended to other tasks at first. [WRITE ABOUT UNSENT ONES] [TRANSMISSION DELAYS + RURAL AREAS? - basically, there are some places in bolivia where there's no mobile internet service at all, so to mitigate this issue the oep did two things (source: first neotec report): they deployed a fleet of over 600 vehicles whose job it was to go on 'pick-up routes' and ferry transmission operators from precincts without internet service to other places which did have service. also, they set up 51 satellite posts where you could send your data from. the satellite posts were placed in strategic locations so that transmission operators in the surrounding area could travel to them, then upload their data upon arrival at the satellite post. the way the mobile app was set up was that you captured your data (photo and transcription of acta), then if you had internet service, the mobile app would send that data immediately. however, if you didn't have service (as with these deep rural transmission operators), then it would hold onto that data and wait for you to enter a service area. once you entered a service area, it would automatically send all of the data you had recorded. this has a few consequences. first, even if all precincts counted their votes and filled out their sheets at the same exact speed (they didn't, obviously), these rural areas without internet service would be transmitted late, since both the 'pick-up route' vehicles and the satellite posts methods imply a delay in the transmission of tally sheet data. second, you can tell when someone had some kind of internet service issue if you check for instances when a transmission operator transmitted data in very, very rapid succession - far too fast for them to have done it manually one after another. you can't exactly capture the deep rural no-internet areas like this, since most places had mobile internet service and weren't rural (basic urban/rural split is like 80%/20%) and you can have internet problems just if you're at the center of a building or in a basement or had your mobile data turned off or whatever, but you can get an idea of the general incidence of internet service issues at any given point in the count if you check how prevalent these instant-transmissions occur within a given time frame. i should look at the data to see if the transmission of multiple columns *from the same acta* in rapid succession is very common and more thus likely to reflect the normal functioning of the mobile app, or if such transmissions are uncommon and thus more likely to be due to internet service problems. almost without a doubt, though, if a single transmission operator sends multiple columns *from different actas* in rapid succession, then that's an internet service issue. this excludes single-mesa precincts, but i could create a geographic prediction map based on multi-mesa precincts that could probably do a fair job at predicting which single-mesa precincts had internet problems. i mentioned this to someone else, and they took a quick look at the numbers and concluded that the incidence of rapid-transmission events was high very early in the count (small rural towns that reported early because everyone knows each other, so there was no need to wait for the end of the day) and high very late in the count (rural areas with internet issues, plus some urban precincts that had problems of some kind (ie. basements or whatever, etc)), but otherwise was quite low, which is what you would expect, i think. i want to repeat that analysis on my own and i have a few ideas about how to do some related analyses as well, but i'm not sure i'll ever get to all that. zzz.] [ODDITY: verifications slow super hard after 17:03:00 on election night. between 17:07:16 - 17:14:23, no verifs at all. next verif after 17:14:23 is at 17:18:32, then all back to normal. what were they doing for 15 minutes as transmissions started to come in? 'mandatory bathroom break' lol] [WRAP UP] [Here's a simplified version of the TREP event log that I used for the screenshots in this post. When I first got the logs, I spent an hour or two in which I selected random photos from the 710 unverified TREP images, searched for the relevant entries in the log, then attempted to determine why they had failed verification. You could do this too to check that I'm not bullshitting you about all this. Likewise, you can check the images against the scans from the official count here.] [Also, do not come at me with a bunch of nonsense about how the TREP data used here is fake. The claims of data manipulation are a hoax, as I explained eons ago. This data is real.] So far, all this has been kind of bland and educational, but if you want to stick around to hear me rant about bad fraud claims made about this same topic, then Part 3 is for you. |