A few hours ago, I heard a woman screaming out the front of my house. When I went out to see what was going on I saw a woman running down the street with her dog, and my cat standing in the road with his fur all puffed up, so I brought him inside. Not long after the woman and a man im assuming was her husband came round and told me what happened. Apparently my cat started attacking her dog, when she tried to get my cat off the dog he then went for her leg. She showed me her leg and it was covered with blood with bite marks.
While they obviously weren't happy, they were surprisingly nice about everything given the circumstances, and I had no reason to doubt anything they said. People walk their dogs along my street every day, many of which are bigger than hers, and he usually just watches from the drive way, so I don't know why my cat suddenly saw hers as a threat. This is very out of character for him, as he usually keeps his distance from people he doesn't know, and is otherwise very friendly and gentle. My next door neighbour said a few days ago she tried to pet him, which he is usually happy with as he's familiar with her, and he swiped at her as a warning or something. I thought this seemed a little odd but after tonight it makes me think something might be wrong.
I'm terrified now in case it happens again and he attacks a child or something. In the spring and summer he's happy being out all day, and the last few weeks I've just let him out while I go to work and then feed him when I come home. Today was my day off and now I'm wondering if he's done something like this before recently and I just haven't been home to witness it. I'm keeping him in for a while but he gets agitated when kept in the house for long periods of time.
What's even worse is he was originally my wife's cat, and she died from cancer in November at the age of just 30, and of the 3 we had together, he was her favourite. They're all very sentimental to me and I promised her I would take good care of them. Im going to contact the vets on monday and ask if they can have a look at him, but around me at least he seems perfectly normal, so I don't know what they will find. I will be absolutely gutted if I end up having to put him to sleep.

Hey everyone,
Wanted to share this story to hopefully inspire some of you on this forum to pursue your passion musically.
I’m 36 years old and grew up glued to VH1 and MTV. Some of my fondest memories as a kid were staying up late on New Years Eve watching the top 100 songs of the year countdown.
After discovering The Beatles through my parents vinyl collection, I asked for their CD’s for my 8th birthday. For my 9th birthday, I asked for an electric guitar. I only had that guitar for a couple weeks before my sisters complained and I had to trade it in for an acoustic. It was way too big and after unsuccessfully trying to play it I put it back in its case where it remained for a decade.
About every 5 years I would take it out and attempt to learn. When I got into my Alice In Chains phase senior year of high school I went for lessons but nothing stuck. When Chris Cornell died in 2017 I ordered a new guitar that night. Again, I gave up when I couldn’t form the chords.
In 2021 I started running with a man named Robert “Raven” Kraft in my hometown, Miami Beach. Ravens story requires more than a few paragraphs, but to some it up, this man has run 8 miles on the beach every single day since January 1st 1975. The run started out of heartbreak after he found out a hit song he had written was stolen from him.
Ravens dream is to have a hit. Him and I would discuss music every run (to date I have run with him over 220 times). We would fantasize about me learning guitar and him providing lyrics, starting a real rock and roll band.
In the winter of 2021 my job was on strike so I had a lot of extra downtime. I decided once again to pick up the guitar. This time, inspired my Ravens dedication, I decided I would play 1 hour a day, everyday, for the entire year of 2022.
By June, I was comfortable playing in front of my girlfriend. By October, my best friend was coming over once a week and we started forming songs. By November, we felt the music was good enough and all we were missing was lyrics.
We invited Raven over, who penned his 1701st song in about 10 minutes, our first single, Digging Her Grave.
Another runner joined us from Haiti and plays bass, another runner from Serbia came over and introduced his native Tambura to the band. Finally, a man named Bryan we found on Facebook came over and decided he wanted to produce the album.
In 2023 we became Raven and the Dark Shadows. Our first live performance was a disaster, but we regrouped and practiced more. We found a studio and recorded 10 tracks. Through my connections and Raven’s fame we convinced Dave Abbruzzese (Pearl Jam), Ian Grushka (New Found Glory), Keli Gunnarson (Agent Fresco) and Dave Pastorious (tech 9) to guest on several tracks.
We released our album, An Unkindness, in November of 2023. To celebrate, we had a show at the Wolfsonian with over 150 people attending.
Jack White’s Third Man Pressing is currently producing Blue and Yellow vinyl editions of An Unkindness that should be ready by the summer.
Our song Dracula just reached 30,000 streams. In addition to our music, I produced 4 music videos for our band. A fifth animated one will be out next week. Total views on YouTube are north of 20,000.
At a recent Florida Panthers hockey game, our song, Dead End Road, was played after the Panthers scored a goal. It’s also been used at various Spring Training stadiums around Florida this spring. The Miami Marlins have it on their batting practice playlist. Our upcoming song “Feel Like a Fugitive” is on the Grand Theft Auto 6 soundtrack, and last year we played Stephen King’s 75th birthday bash.
We are currently preparing our second album. All the songs have demos, we just have to find the time to enter the studio and begin the process. We hope to have our second album released by October of 2024.
On January 1, 2025, Raven celebrates his 50th year of the streak. We are hoping for more exposure for the band when this happens.
I hope this inspires you all. In my mid 30s I definitely didn’t expect something like this to happen, but if you really commit to something, dreams can come true.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the project and the sound. I’d also love to get recommendations on what we can do better, as we prepare for album number 2. Check us out on all the streaming platforms
Raven and the Dark Shadows

Hello all, I am a 20M and I have been trading on and off for two years now.
I should point out to start that my "main" job or profession is marketing/copywriting/sales. I usually work with coaches and optimize their ads/funnels/workflows/e.t.c. I have a few clients there but I just have a hunger to be a great trader as well because I see the potential and know the time freedom is much better.
The focus of my trading has been SPY. 95% of my trades will be naked calls/puts on spy 1dte or 0dte.
I start off by depositing $100 into my account so I do not lose much.
My best run has been $650 from $100. I had 5 straight green trades and I was executing at a high level. %100 gainers for multiple days straight.
Now I am back to unprofitable and having to put $100 back into my account.
I did recently change my mind, I believe doing paper trading until I pinpoint and fix the issue is better for me.
I have only lost $500 of my money, the rest was house money off profits. ($1,500 in total)
I know that trading is hard and takes a while to master. I am committed because the benefits are huge (financial and time freedom)
But, I am also passionate about being a great trader. I want to be a genuinely skilled trader.
I want to share my strategy as well as where I think I am going wrong.
I use Positions of interest(liquidity, highs, lows, places where price jumped aggressively or fell aggressively), price action, volume, and order block level 2.
Once I go into a trade I always set the SL to -0.2 and TP to +0.6 or 0.5.
I feel that my problem is consistency and finding myself searching for a reversal rather than following a trend.
For example, I took a few spy put positions this week and lost every trade because I have this thought in my mind since it is at a ATH that it has run out of gas. But in reality the market does what it wants. The algo just tries and equate buyers and sellers.
I also find myself having one trade ruin my port (poor risk management)(over confidence). I have a trade that I am supremely confident in start of bad and then I remove my SL and it ends up going to zero and I do not stop it.
I find myself believing that trading everyday at a set time is needed to make money. (10:15 am eastern usually)
I guess what I am looking for is maybe some tips and helpful advice.
I hope I gave enough context.
I would genuinely appreciate anything.

It's been a little while, so time to repost this:
On principle I would say just don't buy a Razer product, but if you are going to, make sure you buy it directly from them, they have a loophole in the warranty policy so they don't have to honor claims for most products purchased on Amazon. I got a Razer Naga X as a gift for my birthday, and after about a year it developed a bunch of scroll wheel bounce (going up when I scroll down and vice-versa) and then one of the thumb buttons stopped registering consistently, so I filed a support ticket, and they told me they wouldn't be honoring the manufacturer's warranty b/c it was sold by an 'unauthorized reseller'. The problem is that it was bought on Amazon (which IS listed as an authorized reseller - my girlfriend, who purchased it, had made sure to check that) but apparently there are TONS of '3rd party sellers' that make up the vast majority of the Amazon listings, even Prime listings (something I didn't even know until all of this) and apparently that gives them a loophole to not honor the warranty. I did a search on Amazon for the same mouse, and it wasn't till the 7th result that I found one that wasn't through one of these storefronts. Most of these storefronts are 'Amazon' sales anyways, it's a way for Amazon to outsource the work of creating listings and marketing without hiring people as actual employees - the 'seller' doesn't store or ship the product - all of that is Amazon - they are just getting a cut of the sale for creating the posting/bringing in business. And, by the way, none of this came up when I successfully registered the mouse on the Razer website upon receiving it.
The entire attempt at the warranty claim was a huge mess that took over six weeks, with a TON of back and forth where they promised to take care of me, only for that to be vetoed by the back office (at least three or four different times as the ticket got escalated) ... First, they told me that I had to contact the seller, that they had first obligation on a replacement, but I was told "I guarantee that we have your back on this" and to come back to Razer support if the seller declined to replace it or didn't respond. Well, the seller didn't respond, and when I contacted Razer again, they said 'Sorry, sucks to be you' (paraphrase, lol).
So... I did a bit of research to see if that was even legal and found an instance where someone raised a stink on Reddit and Razer ended up replacing their device... so I did the same thing; the official Razer account quickly reached out and reopened the ticket, support contacted me asking for a photo of the mouse to verify the serial number (and said they'd process the replacement if the number checked out - which it did)... two days later I got a response saying.. they'd get back to me in two days. Another two days later I got another email saying 'Sorry, that's out of the warranty period' (it's not, it was slightly over one year into a two year warranty) I responded with proof of this, their reply completely ignored the warranty timeframe issue and just went back to the 'unauthorized reseller' line. They also told me that there was no repair option, but if I subscribe to their newsletter I can get $10 of my next purchase and a whole bunch of other marketing spam, which was just salt in the wound if you ask me. I contacted the Reddit account again to tell them how useless and frustrating that had been and they responded that I should "keep replying so the ticket doesn't auto-close from inactivity"... pretty pointless if you ask me since they are dead set on not honoring the warranty. I did keep the ticket open for a while anyways, but they started to auto-respond with the same boilerplate response.
Every other warranty claim I have ever made has been based on the serial number and whether the defect was the result of misuse or happened through normal use. This has been the most absurd experience I've ever had with a company's customer support / warranty department; I certainly will never do business w/ Razer again, and I'd recommend the same to everyone else.
Apparently, they want my experience to be an example of their customer experience, since, in their own words: "as much as we would like to proceed in replacing your device, we're afraid that the Warranty Policy we have in place is too important, as it will remind all customers that Razer has exclusions and limitations on its warranty." So... I'm going to continue to share it with as many people as I can. The ironic thing is that they have probably spent more money on payroll dealing with me than they would have if just honored the warranty in the first place (and they would have continued to get positive word-of-mouth from me instead of these PSAs - I'm quite active in the endgame community of a major MMO, I host a lot of training runs and am constantly recommending that new player go get an MMO mouse for all the extra buttons - I used to sing praises about Razer mice before this, my first Razer mouse lasted almost eight years - but now I tell them to get anything but a Razer)

Welcome to the first post in the prophesied Design Notes Series, which will see periodic releases during the (probably long) wait until 3.0, and will preview and discuss upcoming content.
As was mentioned in the Anniversary post, I am working on 3.0 whenever I find the time and motivation; treating it like homework did not do wonders for my creativity, back when I started. So this Series is meant to serve as an appetizer and periodic reminder that progress is still being made.
Let's get into it!

Weapon Art?

I am considering renaming the phrase "Special Ability". As casual language, pretty much everything in SW is an "ability" that is "special," so the term always felt ambiguous to me. But more importantly, it just doesn't shine. I'm a fan of vivid, evocative language in fiction, and nothing about the phrase "Special Ability" actually feels special to me. It's... generic.
So I may rename it to "Weapon Art." No less clichéd, really, but the point isn't to make the word unique, just unambiguous, evocative, and a maybe little more iconic.
And I would just do it, if it weren't for the fact that find-and-replace is really glitchy in Inkscape (of course it is), so I would have to manually replace every instance of the phrase.
Since I haven't decided yet, I'm going to use the phrase Weapon Art for the rest of this post, to try it on and see how it fits. Let me know what you think of the term, and whether you think it would be an improvement worth taking the time to implement.
Personally, if nothing else, I think it enhances clarity.

The Importance and Function of a Weapon Art

Weapon Arts are the defining heart of a Weapon Class. If I can think of a unique Art for a weapon, it gets a Class. If I can't, it doesn't. But how do I decide what Art to give to a weapon? I have a process, and it goes a little something like this:
The Function of the Art should be to...

1. Make it Possible to use a weapon that is otherwise too impractical for combat. If this isn't applicable, it should instead...
2. Compensate for a Weakness of the weapon. If this isn't applicable, it should instead...
3. Amplify a Strength of the weapon.

Examples of Function 1 — Cleaver, Boomerang, Yo-yo. Examples of Function 2 — Polearm, Crossbow, Bolas. Examples of Function 3 — Sword, Bow, Boots.
(Besides these guidelines, every option in SoulWeapon must synergize with other potential choices; that's the Golden Rule for Everything, since the very start).
There are a few exceptions, like Cane Sword or Wand, where the Art hones in on some thematic principle of the weapon or does something unique entirely. I would define these as Arts that enable a trope, which is sort of a hidden 4th Function.
But there are other exceptions I am less happy with. There are some Weapon Arts that have always struck me as incorrect, or just insufficient, but they stayed because I could never think of anything better.
But I've reevaluated the principles behind Weapon Arts. As a result, a number of Weapon Classes—some of which have been unchanged since 1.0—are seeing new Weapon Arts in 3.0.
Let's talk about a few of them.

Knives

For such a common, bread-and-butter weapon, Whisper Walk is a really niche ability that is specific to certain settings/builds. In general, if a weapon is something that gets used a lot, I want its Art to be something that gets used a lot as well.
Cane Sword is a rare and weird weapon that is already almost exclusively used as a way to conceal a weapon or exude style and poise. So the Art reflects that stealth-based nature. But knives are used in a variety of ways besides stealth: open melee combat, ranged attacks, etc. So its Art should at least be a little broader.
The new Art serves Function 2: Compensating for Weakness. One of the weaknesses of the knife is its short range in melee; it's difficult to get past the defenses of most standard-sized weapons to where knives can thrive. The new Weapon Art is called Close-Quarters Combat.
If you really liked Whisper Walk, or had some builds that depended on it, don't worry: it will still be possible to access the effects of Whisper Walk in 3.0.

Mace

If Sword is the "default" bladed weapon, Mace feels like the "default" blunt weapon. (Even if it can technically have spikes on it, its purpose is nonetheless to smash, where the Sword's is to cut). Seems like it has a similar versatility and number of design Variations as the Sword, too, doesn't it? It feels appropriate, then, that they would be reflections of each other, with Sword leading the charge on Page 1, and Mace leading the charge on Page 2.
So, since Sword grants improved skill and and a buff to Runic Potency, Mace shall grant improved might and a buff to Runic Potency.
This feels really really right to me, whereas the old Art (Brute) felt pretty lackluster. Swords are about precision, so they buff your skill, and Maces are about crushing power, so they should buff your might. Both weapons buff Runic Potency, and so you have twin "default" melee weapons that act almost as spokespersons for their broader weapon types. As a bonus, the new Art sort of encompasses what Brute did, so it's a strict buff at the end of the day.
You might think the other "default" weapons to be Knives (the default throwing) and Bow (the default shooting). These haven't gotten parallel Runic Potency -type abilities, but their Weapon Arts have been buffed or reworked in other ways.

Tonfas

Non-Lethal was very cool, but it did not feel like a Weapon Art. Its effects have been moved to a section that makes much more sense for the type of ability it is (you can probably guess to where, if you grok the design philosophy of SoulWeapon).
It has been replaced with a new Art that better suits the beat-and-block nature of Tonfas: Missile Deflection. This lets you intercept projectiles and helps with blocking melee attacks, so you can close the distance on ranged foes and then out-defend them. It's meant to be strong enough to effectively invalidate mundane archers and make the lives of Soulbound archers rather difficult; tonfas are a below-average weapon, so they deserve an above-average Art to compensate.

Kusarigama

Shadow Creep had the same problem as Whisper Walk: stealth is too niche a boon for Weapon Art; it restricts the potential of a Class by limiting its use-cases.
The new Art fills a niche we for some reason didn't have before: a true spinning chain weapon. It is called Spin Control, and it is to Corded weapons as Hover Spin (Giant Shuriken) is to Throwing weapons. It has a little extra bonus of allowing you to remotely control the orientation of the blade (separately from the chain), which can have some niche utility applications beyond just ensuring the kama hits your target point-first when you spin/fling it.
As with the others, the effects of Kusarigama's old Art will be accessible one way or another in 3.0; nothing is getting truly left behind.

Conclusion

There are a number of other Classes that have had their Arts updated or completely remade, but you'll have to wait until release to see those.
Future Design Notes posts likely won't be as long as this one, as most of them will focus on one single item instead of an entire design philosophy.
See you in the next! (And don't forget to let me know what you think of the new name).

Told management and they were like okay, all set. Happened on Friday btw. So I checked again and again and it still wasn’t fixed. Told them and they replied bitching at me about clocking in early. Still Not fixed. Of course it’s the end of the pay period too, and that was 10 hours of overtime. Isn’t payroll finalized by Monday? Then I’ll have to wait fucking 2 weeks to get the pay adjustment?

.
elementary school I pretty much had many friends. There was a few assholes but it wasn’t super bad and they became nicer later. I went to birthday parties. I went to after school camp after school ended for the day so i was able to make more friends and enjoy my self. then i got held back. I was still happy tho and made more friends at summercamps. I wish i could be able to go back in time to have these days. I’m too old to attend after school camps and summer camps so it’s harder to get friends when you get to ur 20s.
middle school: was a massive jester. Most people just said “shut up” & called me annoying and i always wondered why the popular kids got to get away with being a clown. I was sad at times but i wasn’t bothered so much by it unlike now.
My phone helped me cope unlike now. I had things to keep me busy (karate, 2 tutoring classes) so i didn’t care about hanging out with anyone. I used to whine about having those things but now that i don’t do tutoring anymore cuz one is online and soon my mom is gonna stop paying for it just like karate classes and the other tutoring place said i had to stop doing it at 18. After this my life has been more empty . Besides karate places for adults is more boring and no one talks. Also for camps as a kid you can actually have fun and do cool activites and field trips.I don’t have enough money to afford karate classes again to keep me busy either
Now i’m in my last of high school: depressed very alone and even more bored as ever before since i have nothing to keep me busy and my phone doesn’t help me cope anymore. I’m constantly thinking of the shit that happened to me due to getting more bad experiences in high school

elementary school I pretty much had many friends. There was a few assholes but it wasn’t super bad and they became nicer later. I went to birthday parties. I went to after school camp after school ended for the day so i was able to make more friends and enjoy my self. then i got held back. I was still happy tho and made more friends at summercamps. I wish i could be able to go back in time to have these days. I’m too old to attend after school camps and summer camps so it’s harder to get friends when you get to ur 20s.
middle school: was a massive jester. Most people just said “shut up” & called me annoying and i always wondered why the popular kids got to get away with being a clown. I was sad at times but i wasn’t bothered so much by it unlike now.
My phone helped me cope unlike now. I had things to keep me busy (karate, 2 tutoring classes) so i didn’t care about hanging out with anyone. I used to whine about having those things but now that i don’t do tutoring anymore cuz one is online and soon my mom is gonna stop paying for it just like karate classes and the other tutoring place said i had to stop doing it at 18. After this my life has been more empty . Besides karate places for adults is more boring and no one talks. Also for camps as a kid you can actually have fun and do cool activites and field trips.I don’t have enough money to afford karate classes again to keep me busy either
Now i’m in my last of high school: depressed very alone and even more bored as ever before since i have nothing to keep me busy and my phone doesn’t help me cope anymore. I’m constantly thinking of the shit that happened to me due to getting more bad experiences in high school

A little backstory
About 4 years ago i met him. He had transferred schools and we hit it off. We played fortnite together all the time on facetime and just got along. He had sent me a text at the end of the year saying: “Thank you again for the wonderful school year, you were my first friend here”. I replied 6 months later saying how i didnt see it and only saw it because i was going trough old texts. (The message before it he had mentioned he was sorry i had lost my dog which was the reason i didnt reply because it was really recently and i couldn’t handle replying) The next year we only had one class together so we didnt talk as much but in class just a “hi” and then we would talk a little. After that year we didnt really speak anymore. We both didnt have any of the same classes and we never really met in the hallways and if we did we just smiled.
This week after about 2 years of no talk whatsoever he sent me a chat on snapchat (a coincidence because i had looked at his profile only a few days ago and i couldnt see his snap score which means he probably didnt have me added anymore) then the following conversation was held
(He is x and im y) X: hey how have you been (Random conversation) X: “sents snap of him” Y: your hair is longer i like it X: thanks Y: “sent snap of me” X: still pretty Y: your hair? X: no you dummy Y: oh ty ☺️ still? X: wdym still? I never found you ugly Y: oh haha X: is that not allowed Y: oh no ofc it is X: do you have a boyfriend or ex? Y: nope X: oh. Fit check? Y: “sents snap of outfit” noting special X: quite cute Y: ty ☺️ your turn X: that sounds kinky “sends snap of his outfit” Y: sorry didnt mean it to X: i didnt mind it Y: oh haha X: so whats your type? Y: oh i dont really have one they just have to be nice X: oh so me? “In the snap he was laying with his face in a massage table” Y: haha what are you laying on (smootly ignored his question) X: a massage table Y: oh haha i thought something like that X: oh why you wanna give me a massage? Y: uhm nty X: because? Y: thats weird
And now we just send snaps back and forth without any texts in them. What does this all mean? Im so confused and i dont know what to do? I need help

(Repost because it wasn’t formatted correctly last time)
I think Isaac still tries to sleep. I don’t know why. Surely he’s realized it’s impossible by now.
No one sleeps anymore. We grow weary at times, though it takes much longer than it should. People comfortably go days without sleep. Weeks, if necessary. However, sooner or later fatigue will catch up to you. Most people just white knuckle it and keep going about their business. Because sleep simply will not come. The fatigue will pass, for the most part. But not because of sleep. It just sort of fades into the background
I once knew a man that was determined to sleep. He swore he wouldn’t get up until he’d had a good nights rest. He found a reasonably comfy spot, and stayed there for what must have been months. I will admit, I briefly entertained the notion that he might have succeeded. Until I heard him weeping softly, one night.
Isaac knows all of this, which is why it confuses me so when he does this. He sits there by the camp fire, eyes closed, head bowed, hunched over. Honestly, he almost looks like he’s asleep.
If this is how he chooses to deal with our lot in life then I suppose it’s his choice but it does perplex me to no end.
I’ll never try to sleep again. Never. Not just because I know it won’t work. Because truth be told, I’m afraid if I close my eyes I won’t want to open them again. Once I’ve closed my eyes, I think perhaps that would be the first step towards truly giving up.
So instead, I sit awake. Watching the rest of the group come and go, watching the fire, watching the sky. But most of all, I watch Isaac.
I won’t mince words. I watch Isaac because he is beautiful. In every way one could imagine.
He looks out for everyone here. Even those stronger than him. I don’t know how to explain it, but he has a quiet confidence that gives hope to everyone around him. He believes in himself, and he believes in each and everyone of us. I truly don’t think we would have made it this far if that wasn’t so.
I think perhaps under normal circumstances, I would fall for Isaac. However it’s hard to think of romance under our current circumstances. Early on, I told myself i would mention these possible feelings to him, once we returned to the things went back to normal. But then, who’s to say they ever will? Who’s to say normal even exists? The first time night lasted longer than a day, everyone thought the world was ending. But then the sun came back out, and we all thought life was back to normal. Then the sun didn’t set. For 7 days straight. When it did set, people said it would never rise again. Yet it did. Eventually.
I don’t even remember how long ago that was now. Maybe months. Maybe years. It’s been hard to keep track of the. But the sun still rises, and set. It just takes longer to do both. Never the same amount of time. But usually a month or more.
Some say time itself is breaking down. Stretching, and contracting, moving back and forth. It sounds like nonsense. Then again the idea of the sun not rising or setting when it should, also sounds like nonsense.
The hopeful ones around camp say there’s a way to reverse all of this, and set things back to normal. They say it’s a magic spell that’s caused this, and that if the spell is broken, life will be as it was.
Isaac says it’s true. He heard it from one of the other travelers. And they heard it from some other stranger. Sounds far fetched to me but what else is there to cling to? Isaac says we have to hold onto stories like that. Sometimes I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t believe it himself even when he tells others to believe. That’s what I mean when I say that Isaac is beautiful.
He strives to give be hope to others when he has none. Somehow he succeeds. People believe him. They feel he’s right. They know he’s right. Isaac continually achieves the miracle of pouring from an empty cup.
Maybe that’s why he tries so hard to sleep. Must take a lot of energy to be leaned on like that. He probably feels more tired than any of us.
You wouldn’t know it to look at him most of the time. He carries himself with a calm, quiet grace. He’s soothing to be around. Everyone says so. No matter how bad things get, Isaac always believes we’ll be okay, and when one talks to him, one tends to feel the same way.
Mind you, he’s not what you’d call optimistic. He doesn’t smile much. In fact he frequently looks a bit sad. He is not blind to how dire our situation is. He doesn’t try to lie to anyone, and convince them that things are good. They aren’t. Things are truly miserable. But they won’t always be. Isaac knows that. So we know that. And that’s why we need him. I wish I was the kind of person Isaac could needed.
The only 2 people Isaac ever seems to need are David and Edward. The 3 of them are practically inseparable. They’re our own holy trinity.
It’s easy to see why everyone looks to them. And easy to see why they get along so well. They all have the same utter unwillingness to quit, but they also each have their own strength that compliments one another
Isaac of course, is very gentle, and soft. People can talk to him. Cry to him, even.
David is fearless, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. He’s a small fellow, hardly looks like much of a fighter. Yet there’s not a damn thing in the world that scares David. I’ve never seen him flinch at anything. Never.
Edward is unshakably optimistic. To a fault, I’d argue. His constantly cheerful demeanor never falters, even in the worst of times. That may sound pleasant but can come across as quite uncanny at times. One might even call it unnerving. Regardless of what I think of Edward though, is Isaac is so fond of him I suppose he can’t be all bad.
On a battlefields they’re truly a force to be reckoned with. Between David and Isaac’s swords, and Edwards’s axe, they can make short work of even the larger foes. Even the Wrath demon which can’t be killed by human weapons. The three of them together can beat a Wrath demon senseless, cut its limbs off. A demon can’t maul a person to death very well without arms after all.
One time, I even saw Isaac keep a wrath demon at bay all in his own. Even tho it roared over him, at least twice his height and weight, the thing simply couldn’t get its claws on him. He covered the thing in cuts, all over its body. The way he whips that great sword of his around, you’d think he weighed little more than a dagger. Each time the demon tried to grab him, he would reward it with a fresh wound on its hand or arm. The thing was covered in its own blood by the end of the fight. The beast could have crushed Isaac in it’s bare hands if it got close enough, yet he scared it off. The thing actually ran from him. There isn’t much the wrath demons run from, but they run from Isaac when he fights for us. Of course I would have helped Isaac in the fight that day but my arm was broken at the time.
Anyway. Isaac is a hell of a man, and we’re lucky to have him around. Especially once the sun sets again. Night demons will be crawling all over the place once it’s dark. The fire will keep them at bay to some extent, but if we’re forced to fight, there’s no one I’d rather be lead by than Isaac.
That being said, I still worry about him. If he chases sleep long enough, I fear madness will take him to, eventually. Once it takes him, the whole group is next.

Me and a few of my friends decided to meet up the other day and after a few drinks started talking about weird things that happened to us during our high school years. One of them brought up the time I “technically” died and it got me thinking about it, so I decided write down what happened and share it with you guys.
I believe it was my junior year that it happened, the exact day is still kinda fuzzy to me. I played football since I was in 4th grade and it was a no brainer that I would do it in high school. I wasn’t any Tom Brady but I’ll say I was a pretty good center. I remember it was a night game cause the stadium lights were on and our running backs were complaining that they couldn’t see the ball because of the glare from them.
You know that feeling you get when you did something you weren’t supposed to do? Like when you lie to your parents or break something and try to hide it? That’s what I felt like the entire day before the game. Something felt wrong. Even minutes before the game while the usual R&B music played in the stadium speakers, it still felt wrong. I would know why a little later.
It was near the end of the 4th quarter, the play was called in the huddle, we lined up, ball snapped and…nothing. Everything was dark, I could hear talking and some screaming but eventually it faded out. I felt like I couldn’t move, kinda like how sleep paralysis works.
Eventually the darkness I saw slowly disappeared and my body started to escape its paralyzed state. When I could fully see again I noticed I wasn’t on the field anymore. In fact I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. My brain was racing, trying to figure out what happened. I eventually settled on the obvious answer. I was hit too hard, got a concussion and passed, then was rushed to the hospital.
That’s what I thought, I was just in a hospital. But even then it didn’t make sense, the room I was in was too dark. There was no medical equipment or even a bed in there with me. I was just laying on the floor. The only thing that pointed towards a hospital was my clothes were replaced with what seemed like a gown.
Soon my brain started to conceptualize a new answer. It’s funny how the human brain will do everything in its power to make you feel as if all that’s happening has an explanation for it. While my brain was working on that, my body decided it was time to start seeing where I was. I slowly got up off the floor and headed towards what seemed like an exit.
As I walked I took notice of everything around me. The walls of the room seemed to be covered in a strange ash like substance. They also had a heated feel to them, not burning but still hot enough that if held long enough it was leave a mark. The floor seemed to be the same material as the wall, also coated in that ashy layer.
The room soon began to turn into a hall, it never seemed to end. I’m pretty sure I walked for hours on end down it, my gown was covered in ash and scuffs soon enough. I started to see what looked like light as I neared the end, and a sound started to fill my ears as I got closer.
Crackling. Like the sound fire makes as it gets to hot. My brain started to put pieces together, it explained why the walls and floor were hot. What my brain couldn’t wrap around was what I stared at as I exited the hall.
Hell. That’s what I would describe it as and where I believed I was. The sky, if you could call it that, was nothing but smoke and slight rays of orange peaking through. Mountains higher than any I have ever seen painted the back drop of this nightmarish picture. Creatures of unexplainable nature covered the ground and sky, they all looked like they were in pain. Then I heard the screams.
I had been captivated by the almost endless horror I saw that I never heard the screaming. There were billions and billions of people here with me. They all were screaming or crying, each being tortured in a different way. Some burned, some gored, some twisted into shapes Iv never seen. I just watched in horror at the scene before me.
It wasn’t long before I felt something clawing at me, I yelped in pain as I turned my head to see something scratching at my leg. It was like a snake had grown legs, but the skin of it never grew around his new found limbs. I kicked it away before someone grabbed my arm. My eyes worked up the exposed muscles of the arm, soon meeting the eyes of its owner.
He was almost beautiful, a black eyed man with bronze like skin. He held my arm, almost to tell me not the fight it. His body was covered in ashes and what looked like whip marks. He spoke but I couldn’t understand him. I wasn’t sure what language it was or if it even was a language. He pulled my arm and begrudgingly I followed, the snake still scratching at my legs.
He took me down a long stair way, making sure I could see every kind of torture being applied to the people around me. Boiling, grinding, crushing, gouging. It made me sick but I could puke, it was like my ability to was taken away. We continued to walk, we crossed herds of creatures as they seemed to eat and mutilate multiple people. I watched as they ripped them open and ate, yet the people never died. They just laid there and accepted they new life.
My brain couldn’t wrap around what was happening anymore. It started to just say I was dreaming, it was all a dream and I was still concussed. But it all felt to real. The heat, the scratching, the man’s hand gripping my arm. I could feel it all.
It felt like days had gone by since I woke up in that room. As we walked past the mountains I saw earlier I noticed they were made entirely of bones. Some human, some not. I stared up to the sky as I watched winged creatures fly through the smoke clouds, occasionally they blocked out the orange rays as they circled overhead.
We walked more and more, the snake had stopped scratching but only cause it had reached the bone of my legs. I felt it all but couldn’t yell or cry from the pain of it. I just watched at the muscles and nerves of my calfs moved with each step I made. The man suddenly stopped, he turned to look at me and pointed towards a pit.
We walked towards and as I looked down I finally could few something in me drop. At the bottom was thousands of people. They were pushed together in the tight hole, some crawling on top of others trying to get free. I watched in horror as the man pointed towards holes lining the walls of the pit. Thick, hot, red liquid pumped out of the holes, it covered the people and filled the pit. I watched as some swam to the top and cried, other being pushed down deeper into the liquid. Eventually the pit drained and the people went back to fighting and screaming.
I slowly moved away from the pit side as the man looked at me. He spoke again and pointed at the pit. I didn’t understand him but I knew what he wanted. “Get in” That’s what it was. This was to be my new home. I just started to pull at my arm, trying to get free. He pulled me closer and I started to pull more. He stared at me and let go. I don’t know why but he just let go and stared at me, speaking.
I ran. I ran as fast as I could from him and the pit. I ran for what felt like days, maybe weeks even. Each time I looked back it seemed I had only moved a foot away. I just cried and ran, no other thoughts were in my head besides the fact I had to get away. I stopped looking back and just closed my eyes. I could feel thousands of those creatures chasing after me, I could feel they breath and heat running down my neck. I heard they horrid growls and the sound of crackling filling my ears. I just screamed and cried until.
“AHHHHH!” I screamed as I sat up from a gurney, my body drenched in sweat. The two responders that were with me jumped back and quickly told me to lay down. I tried to fight back but they told me to calm down and relax. My eyes darted around and looked where I as. I was in an ambulance. I slowly laid back and let them check me, one of them told me what happened.
When I snapped the ball a defender had hit me and knocked me to the ground. My heart had stopped. They were called and saw my coach doing CPR on me. They got me in the ambulance and continued compressions. My heart had stopped for almost 9 minutes and they were ready to declare me dead until my heart started to beat again and I came to. I just laid they and started to cry.
The doctors could easily explain why my heart stopped. They had thousands of reasons why. But they never could explain the scars on my legs that appeared after I came too. It also wasn’t until recently they noticed the significant amount of damage to my lungs, like I had being breathing in smoke for years.
I would regularly visit the doctors to have my heart checked and besides the scars, everything I was told about what happened made sense but what didn’t make sense was what I saw when my heart was stopped.
I was in that hellish place for what felt like months. Everything I felt was real, sometimes I still feel my legs bleeding and look down just to stare at those scars, almost like a reminder that maybe it wasn’t my imagination. I told people what I saw and they all say it was my mind making a place holder or working to stay alive while my heart was stopped. I took that idea and ran with it for a long time but still. Sometimes when I’m alone and everything is silent, I feel like I’m still there.
The screams of those people, the growls of those beast, the smell of that smoke, and the crackling of that fire. It’s all still there, tormenting me. Like they all crying for me to return. Like they saying that even though I escaped I must come back, that that’s where I belong now.
I see those people in that pit and ever so often I’ll here those retched words. I might not understand them but I know what they are. They push past the sound of fire and screams, calmly saying to me…
Get in

I’m f(21) dating (m21) for 2 years. for a while now ive felt like he’s been getting too comfortable, for example he’s on his phone 24/7. he can’t even brush his teeth without having an AirPod in watching something on his phone. It’s constant. Makes me wonder why I’m even over at his to begin with. Besides the point. I’m over at his house currently after HE invited me over to stay for a week after we hadn’t seen each other in a month, and won’t be seeing each other for another month after this said week. Every day that I’ve been here he’s been wanting to hang out with his friends. Not me. Again im asking myself why am I even here? He went out twice already after a couple of days of me being here, each time saying he’d only go for an hour but ended up being 3 (no exaggeration) while I just sit at his house alone with no communication. Also it was our 2 year “anniversary” yesterday, and he gave me the silent treatment all day and blew off our dinner date all because I said he shouldn’t hang out with his friend on our anniversary, which also I cried myself to sleep next to him that night and he shouted at me to “stop sniffling”. I’m lost and I feel stuck. I struggle with leaving people who are toxic to me. why invite me over when this is how he’s gonna treat me? :(

elementary school I pretty much had many friends. There was a few assholes but it wasn’t super bad and they became nicer later. I went to birthday parties. I went to after school camp after school ended for the day so i was able to make more friends and enjoy my self. then i got held back. I was still happy tho and made more friends at summercamps. I wish i could be able to go back in time to have these days. I’m too old to attend after school camps and summer camps so it’s harder to get friends when you get to ur 20s.
middle school: was a massive jester. Most people just said “shut up” & called me annoying and i always wondered why the popular kids got to get away with being a clown. I was sad at times but i wasn’t bothered so much by it unlike now.
My phone helped me cope unlike now. I had things to keep me busy (karate, 2 tutoring classes) so i didn’t care about hanging out with anyone. I used to whine about having those things but now that i don’t do tutoring anymore cuz one is online and soon my mom is gonna stop paying for it just like karate classes and the other tutoring place said i had to stop doing it at 18. After this my life has been more empty . Besides karate places for adults is more boring and no one talks. Also for camps as a kid you can actually have fun and do cool activites and field trips.I don’t have enough money to afford karate classes again to keep me busy either
Now i’m in my last of high school: depressed very alone and even more bored as ever before since i have nothing to keep me busy and my phone doesn’t help me cope anymore. I’m constantly thinking of the shit that happened to me due to getting more bad experiences in high school

Just another fun little story idea I had. I am still working on Humans are the violent ones but I like to bounce around and experiment with ideas to see what I really like. I also suck at writing more casual stories, as they give me severe writer's block as I try to map out how to make a scene feel genuine in my head, but I promise I'll update that soon. If you like this story and want to see more, then like and comment. I'll gladly continue this series as well.
Start of Personal Log
Humans don't like being told what to do. They don't like being commanded, put in their place, or snubbed. It was an inexorable, inalienable trait of humans, at least any noteable humans, to go against any authority that they believed was against their interests.
Humanity would not fit amongst the stars. Few ever did. It was a trait of most successful species to be willful, ambitious, and to desire more. But once they reached the stars the new (and simultaneously very old) pecking order either quashed any spirit such species had or simply eradicated them. Countless tomb worlds and diaspora served as painful reminders of what became of the nails that chose to stick out. The hammer of order would always strike. There could be no compromise, the very soul of the authority that held the Jurisdiction together relied on a show of unmatched power, or at least the illusion of item.
In reality, the Jurisdiction was an old, fat, and lazy beast. It filled its belly on the corpses of empires far and wide, and sated its bloodlust on the shattered dreams of hopeful cubs. It had every right to, for none could challenge it: there were no new frontiers to explore, nor were there any other enemies to conquer. The Milky Way, as humans had so strangely dubbed our cradle galaxy, as well as Andromeda, had long since been warred over and settled for millennia before humanity had arrived, bright-eyed and with familiar yet otherwise foolish dreams of cooperation and prosperity. The Jurisdiction did not cooperate, nor did it ensure prosperity. Oh, it claimed it did, but in reality it simply took. The rest was just the peace that came with not being the direct target of the biggest fish in the pond. The humans didn't like that, but they had no choice.
Slavery was a common tribute. The Jurisdiction had no use for other resources: it simply took. No, it wanted those who could facilitate that unequal exchange, those raised in a world where the only morality was the one set by your lord. The Jurisdiction was held together by expectations, obligations, and dury more than any kind of shared dream, so when you were ordered to take you did so without question. Humanity was new: they had no niche or value that set them apart, but they had a penchant for killing and taking, so the Jurisdiction gave them a taste of how the galaxy worked. They killed and they took. The humans didn't like that, but what choice did they have?
Humans were strange. They learned, but not in the way most species learned. Most species learned to adapt in a passive way, to adhere to the world around them. They flowed like water, moving past and around obstacles and confirming to the boxes they were assigned too. Humans didn't confirm, nor did they adapt: they made their circumstances fit their desires. They would not move around obstacles, but rather smash through them, and they refused to stay in one box for too long. The Jurisdiction merely saw them as a particularly loud nuisance, but those who faced their wrath knew better.
It is said that when a beast seeks to make an example, it shall humble its rival by killing it's cubs. Children were one of those universal constants that brought entire communities together: the Sok’klar saw their hatchlings as gifts, shaped by the fruitful currents of the universe in perfect harmony. The Yarrack saw each and every newborn whelp as an uncut gemstone, ready to be shaped into something magical. Humanity oftentimes referred to their offspring as angels, or spirits of unbridled good sent by the gods themselves. Children were seen by most of the galaxy as gifts.
The Jurisdiction saw them as a lever to inflict suffering. It had become quite effective at enacting psychological punishments on those that stood up and spoke out. You dare to disobey? You believe you can speak out? Your gifts shall be taken from you, and you shall be without joy.
Humans didn't like this, but the Jurisdiction would have their pound of flesh, and humankind would kneel. And they did. But humans were patient creatures: most species who retained that trait of willful spit also lacked patience.
I had long since become desensitized to the Jurisdiction’s actions: it was simply how the universe worked now, as if it were a constant akin to gravity. Cruelty was the unspoken rule of this seemingly unending age, where our lives never appeared to move forward or backwards, only lay dormant. The Jurisdiction had been the unyielding authority that ruled the galaxy for thousands of years, venerable yet feared all the same.
And for the longest time I was just another cog in its wheel. My name is Kalnuracht Sedjuur-Noumar VII, and was the scion of the noble house Sedjuur-Noumar. I was born into what most would describe as veiled apathy, living a life that could be attributed to the privileged class of feared scribes that enacted the will of those above. I was an administrator and nothing more. And now I am doomed to be far less than that in the eyes of my former constituents within the endless administration. I am the only scion, as is tradition, and without an heir I am the last of my house, our name to be scrubbed from the records, worthless, meaningless, and forgotten.
I am merely Kalnuracht, nothing else and nothing more. I have seen from their eyes, the eyes of the downtrodden, and it makes my crimes of association with the Jurisdiction feel all the more damning on my worthless soul. I am worthless to the world, and this is my story.
End Personal Log #1
Start of Neural Lace Narrative Log #1
They came from the black like carrion birds in the night, encircling our convoy as if it were a dying animal ready to be picked clean without remorse. There was no warning, no list of demands sent out as civilized peoples did, nor was there either any requirement for unconditional surrender nor chance to parlay, as was done so under letter of marque: this was an unmistakable call for violence and nothing else. They sought to reduce us to slag and scavenge the rest.
So, as one would expect, the entire bridge of the ship was nearing a panicked state. This was not the actions of those practicing civility, but rather the common behaviors of despoiling barbarians, the kind that tore their way through the dark reaches of the galaxy as if they owned it.
“Wayfinder, what do your probes see?” Shouted the ship’s sovereign. He was an older Kar’Rowmach, an amphibious cephalopod species with a venerable history within the Jurisdiction going back thousands of years. Normally one such as him would be above me if it weren't for the fact that I was under the authority of the Jurisdiction’s seal of office. He didn't like me very much, but most of his kind shared the same sentiment.
“All dark, honorable Sovereign: the sensor arrays are wailing but the feedback we're reviewing is beyond incomprehensible,” the wayfinder replied with a certain restrained temper in his voice. The Sok'klar wayfinder swayed gently, his tentacled limbs grasping different metallo-liquid braille output arrays, the liquid gallium flexing and reshaping unnaturally to allow him to to take in multiple different sources of sensory output at once, with the primary navigation computer plugged into the cybernetics surrounding his opaque, gelatinous head and plugging directly into his tube-shaped brain.
The Sovereign cursed in Loskat and pointed to his bridge crew while I simply sat in the back, near the Sovereign’s symbolic throne. “Prepare countermeasures and spool up the warp drive, we cannot allow the amanuensis to be taken! He carries sensitive information that only he can translate and transcribe!”
As the bridge crew nodded and began fiddling with their own systems, I preened my feathered hide anxiously. I wasn't a fighter: us nobles of the cloth were the educated minority above all else, not those who waged war or partook in hard labor. Special cybernetics in my brain allowed me to translate triple-encoded messages that usually took a ducal signet codekey or above to parse, but even without that I was a skilled mathematician and logician. I had terabytes worth of knowledge stored within the hardware installed in my head, all well protected of course, but if I were to die it would still be a waste. I could only imagine the damage any malcontenders could do with it if they were able to get their filthy hands on me.
Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the gallium overhead display began to form crescendos like I'd never seen before. “Sovereign, decks A-3 through C-12 are venting atmosphere and our coolant systems have been obliterated,” the Wayfinder spoke in an almost serene voice, as if he was completely unconcerned by current events. I knew they were simply incapable of tonal displays, but it was unnerving nonetheless. “Once we jump, we will not be able to risk another until the vacuum of the void can reduce temperatures to acceptable levels within the plasma capacitors.”
“Damn them,” the armored nautiloid hissed, his barbed feelers coiling in frustration, “May the currents take them. What are our options? what can we see? This fleet cannot fall to the void today, not with such vital cargo.” My hackles rose lightly at the Kar’Rowmach referred to me as some object rather than an esteemed amanuensis of the Jurisdiction, but I bit my forked tongue. Now was not the time to squabble with the sovereign over who was what and what titles I deserved, not while he was so desperately attempting to keep what semblance of order within his fleet that he had left.
I could not blame the crew for being panicked either: wars were practically mythologized now, having been long since rendered obsolete with the rise of the Jurisdiction, and that felt like an eternity ago. Now, either being levied into or joining a ducal naval force was simply another career, more akin to serving as an officer of the law rather than a fully fledged soldier. Minimal training was required, most of it being the technicals of one's duty rather than any kind of combat conditioning, so expecting a fleet to actually be prepared for a combat scenario in a universe where peace was the norm was laughable.
“We are practically blind, Sovereign,” stated the Sok'klar Wayfinder, “our probes are offline, and shipboard graviton displacement sensory arrays have been rendered unreliable at best.”
“What about the particle emission array? Has there been a spike in radioactivity where we were hit?”
The Wayfinder seemed to think for a second, his gelatinous form flexing and morphing a bit before answering. “Affirmative, a jump from negligible to forty billion becquerels along decks A through E-5 on our starboard side.”
“Torpedoes…” the Sovereign hissed, stroking his barbed feelers, “Human Torpedoes. Only those primitives would rely on crude nuclear warheads.” He then turned to his militant leaders on the ship. “Noddos, Rel’ads: organize your phalanxes and prepare to repel boarders. We are bound to be assailed by those rancorous primates, and I want their skulls piled at my feet if they dare set foot on our ship.”
“Your wish is our command, Sovereign,” the two militant commanders spoke as one. Noddos, a large bipedal with multiple sets of curved spines running down his back, a pair of graceful horns sprouting from his head, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in his snout, bowed first, followed by Rel’ads, a marsupial with long saberteeth and thick fur. They both must have been fierce warriors in their own right to each lead a phalanx. They wore thick, semi-powered armor and held dueling polearms alongside their usual plasma casters, and seemed completely unfazed by the situation we were in. As they stomped out of the brightly lit bridge, I let out a quiet squawk of discontentment. “Sovereign, why haven't we jumped again? We are wasting precious time.”
“I am working on it, you spineless beaurocrat!” He warbled back, his feelers tensing in anger, “besides, it's not as if you're the one who will be spilling blood today, amanuensis, so flatten your wretched beak or I shall weld it shut with a plasma torch.
I was about to reply with something indignant, but the ship rocked again, this time causing the lights to flicker and the air to become… thick. The skin under my feathers began to blister, and I became lightheaded and confused. “Seal the damnable vents, initiate radiation scrubbers, and activate secondary life support!” Shouted the Sovereign, “Their nuclear weapons are rendering the ship inhospitable!”
I coughed up magenta blood accidentally, and I could feel more seeping from under my eyes. Some of the crew was in a similar position, but others were more resistant to radiation than I. The Sok'klar seemed completely at ease as he ran his tentacles across his morphic braille arrays before calmly announcing the ship’s status. “I've regained some control over our probes: ten, twelve, and seventeen are active and fully functional, the rest are either still malfunctioning or permanently inoperable. A rapid rise in localized radiation is also interfering with the detection of graviton displacement; we can't sense photon redirection, thus readings will remain inconclusive.
“Wayfinder, damn you, get me some kind of out here! We're easy prey until we can respond in kind!”
“Negative, something has gone awry with our processing hub, I am attempting to troubleshoot-”
And with that, the Wayfinder’s bulbous head exploded in a cascade of opaque lavender blood, covering the front half of the deck crew like a morbid art piece. Some of the crew screamed and shouted in terror before removing their cranial adaptors and choosing to interact with their displays manually. Others died just as quickly, unable to unplug in time as their brain stems fried or their blood boiled. It was a horrible way to go, having your insides neutralized by your own cybernetics, so I was glad I wasn't connected to the system.
“Cybernetic warfare! All systems are to be considered compromised, switch to manual settings or you'll be killed!”
The lights in the bridge flickered again, and the displays went haywire. The bridge crew, which obviously weren't acquainted with working without being hard-linked into the mainframe, moved at a much slower pace.
“Launch missile pods A through F and set to self-target after five hundred kilometers, then rely on their ballistic coordinates to begin firing broadsides! If we can't see the humans due to their meddling, we'll just have to feel them.” Shouted the Sovereign, “and got me a detailed report on the ship’s diagnostics readings. I need to know if this flagship is still capable of escaping or if we'll have to scuttle it and retreat on another.”
“Acknowledged, Sovereign, launching now,” affirmed another deck officer as he swiped across his own gallium output array. I could hear the dull thunk, thunk, thunk of missiles pushing out of their pods before racing off to their intended targets, then the mechanical whirring as the pods rotated to be reloaded by slaves in the lower decks. I was regaining my bearings as the many horrible sensations of being overwhelmed by radiation poisoning were beginning to subside, but I still felt as if I had been microwaved. The air was stale, the crew was horribly sick as well, and even the sovereign himself seemed to be on his last leg. I was beginning to believe that I might die here.
“Sovereign, a message from the lower decks,” shouted a communications officer, his chitin scraping against itself as he turned quickly, “they're requesting reinforcements, something about being overrun.”
“Impossible,” the Sovereign hissed out in a vain attempt to exude confidence, “We must outnumber the humans, they always go for bigger targets out of arrogance.”
“I've received reports that it's not just humans: the primates seem to make up only a third or so of the assailing force, along with some Phaeldaer and Vrex.”
The commander slammed his clawed hands down on his own output array in a fit of rage, obviously overwhelmed by the circumstances, “Then this wasn't just a typical assault, but something more sinister!” The nautiloid warbled, blood seeping from his shell as the full effects of the radiation took hold, “Get Rel’ads on the line, have him divert all spare lances to the lower decks or else we'll lose the only offensive capabilities we can use.”
“Rel'ads has gone dark, Sovereign, his vitals are critical.”
“Then either get me Rel'ads tail-leader or get me Noddos!” He screamed in rage, “don't give me this nonsense! If we don't pick it up we're all going to die, is that what you want?”
“No, Sovereign, I'm simply overwhelmed-”
“We're all overwhelmed! By the tides, I'm dying of radiation poisoning you nincompoop! Get me something I can work with!”
The officer didn't even acknowledge the Sovereign after that, simply turning back to his display. Eventually, the Sovereign was able to get Noddos on the line.
“Sovereign, two thirds of my phalanxes have been decimated by combat with the primitives and the radiation, the rest are in shambles. We must retreat and fortify elsewhere!”
“Then the ship is compromised! Rel'ads is unresponsive and the lower decks are swarming with intruders. We must evacuate the amanuensis to another ship.”
Just as the Sovereign spoke, I heard several gentle thumps rattle against the bridge’s door, and it made me uneasy. Some of the bridge crew seemed to feel the same, as they looked incredibly nervous and some even drew their sidearms. Just as the sovereign turned to give further orders, the door blew inward with a deafening explosion, followed by shouting and gunfire. Several of the bridge officers were dispatched quickly, brain matter and blood splattering against the delicate electronics. Others were shot in the legs, the torso, or in any other exotic yet non-vital body parts. The humans poured in, brandishing primitive ballistic firearms and jury-rigged energy weapons while wearing scavenged, legion-grade powered armor.
The Sovereign was the next to go, but he wasn't afforded an honorable death. He was shot along the arm with a particularly potent plasma caster, burning off his clawed hand and cauterizing the wound, the acrid smell of roasting chitin filling the already hot and cramped bridge. He fell back against his output array, the gallium reaching new highs and lows as more diagnostics and casualty reports were delivered, and he clutched his stump angrily. “I'll burn every last one of you in the foundries! I'll tie you to stakes, cover you in wax and set you alight! Your screams will be broadcasted all over the galaxy!”
One human warrior stomped up and slammed the butt of his rifle into the sovereign’s face, shattering his facial plates and causing blue blood to splatter across his section of the bridge. “Shut the fuck up, you mutant lobster,” the human said before dragging him by both antennae towards the center of the bridge and receiving a stained breeching axe from one of his comrades. “Emmanuel, start recording. We need proof.”
The other human nodded and pressed a button on his armor before lifting up his gun again. The rest of the humans fanned out, holding everyone else at gunpoint. I tried to get up and sneak out, but a human grabbed me by my neck and nearly wrung it out as he forced me to my knees and pointed a sidearm to my skull. “Get down, you piece of shit, before I blow your brains out too.”
“Damnable primate,” I hissed, but he bashed me in my skull with the base of his sidearm’s grip and sent me sprawling, making my already pounding headache worse. Another human shouted at him in a language I didn't recognize, but he sounded furious. The first brought me back up to my knees again, and I complies with a hiss and a groan, blood still leaking from my eyes and mouth and my world was spinning.
The Sovereign struggled, but he was weak from the radiation poisoning and he couldn't exactly resist on account of his lost arm. The human with the breaching ax kicked the Sovereign down and forced him to kneel before lifting up the breeching ax and splitting his chitinous head down the middle with one powerful swing, sending more blood and brains across the floor. “Execution confirmed, take his antennae just in case and we've got ourselves a bounty. Now all we need is that ugly cat’s teeth and the fat hedgehog-thing’s grimy spines and we'll be in business. Although, they do have skulls… we might as well just take their heads.”
The real horror of the situation dawned on me at that moment: they were going to kill us all, or maybe worse. They mentioned a bounty for the commanders, and multiple of the higher ranking ship officers were already dead, their brains splattered against the walls or their bodies torn apart by gunfire. I wasn't dead yet, but that didn't mean much since I wasn't an immediate threat.
“Alright, round them up and bring all the grunts to the hanger bay, then kill the rest,” the leader of the humans said in such a lackadaisical manner that his complete disregard for life almost made me sick… almost. I had seen worse from the Jurisdiction before, but usually that was from me delivering some kind of ordered judgment on a world that had sinned against order. I might have simply been the messenger, but I had seen many of the outcomes. “And make sure to collect whatever proof of bounties you can, we'll need to deliver them to the office to get cashed out. Don't let this be a repeat of last time where Juarez fucking forgot to take a few heads and it ended up cutting our profits in half, the fucking retard.”
Some of the humans chuckled at that as they dragged more of the senior officers away, out of the room and into the hall,where I heard gunshots. The rest of the bridge crew froze in place, different fear instincts kicking in. The remaining Sok'klar corralled together into what seemed to be a singular, semi-congealed mass as if to try and trick the humans into believing that they were much bigger and much more threatening than they actually were. The one Thei’chi on the bridge, an ensign who had clearly thought this would be a simple mission, bore her curved fangs at the humans and growled as they approached, her hackles completely vertical and her eyes dilated. They quickly muzzled and bound her before beating her over the head with a gun stock, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Many others simply cooperated, eyes wide and yet simultaneously empty, as if they couldn't quite process that the ship had been taken and the commanding officers were being executed as the rest were escorted to the hangar.
“Get the damn messenger down to the hanger as well, we need whatever data's in his ugly lizard head, then we can decide on what to do with him.”
I spat at him in spite, as if to try and seem brave, but it was clearly an empty gesture. “You won't get anything, primate! You couldn't possibly crack the encryption!”
The human holding me seemed to wind up for another swing, but the commanding officer simply held up his hand to stop my tormentor before strolling over to me. He knelt down and removed his helmet, revealing a beige-colored face covered in scars, wiry black hair cut down to the scalp, and multiple tattoos. “You're really fucking mouthy for a hostage,” he said before punching me across my beak faster than I could register. I heard a sharp crack as his fist connected, and my head spun again as the metallic taste of blood pooled into my mouth. “I'd advise you to shut up, but I'm sure you won't listen: you aristocratic types are so full of yourselves. Maybe I should have you flogged in the public square until your vocal chords give out once we rip those cybernetics from your head, huh? How's that sound?”
“It won't matter… it won't change anything… the Jurisdiction will hunt you down.”
“Maybe, but I doubt it will happen for some time: they really suck at doing anything that requires effort, even when they're mad enough. They just keep sending their rabid lapdogs to try and smoke us out, and they always end up full of holes,” the human officer said with a smirk, his yellowish-white teeth and green eyes sending shivers down my spine as he drew his knife. “They're just horrible at their job, you know? You've all gotten so lazy and incompetent after being able to just take what you want without resistance, and now that you've met people who are angry and crazy enough to fight back you act as if we're committing some grave injustice,” he placed the knife against my throat, the flat just underneath my now bent beak, “No, we just took a few pages out of your book, ‘cept we've got standards. No kids, for one…” he seemed to look off into the distance as his sneer deepened, “but it's more than that, we don't attack the defenseless in general and we still win against you all in fair fights.”
I went to say something else snarky, but he quickly grabbed my thin tongue with his fingers and yanked it out, blood from my mouth pulling to the floor as he held the blade of his knife against it. “No no, none of that. Say one more thing and I'll cut that rancid little tongue of yours out of your mouth and feed it to you,” he hissed at me, pressing the blade down just hard enough to draw blood. “Do you know what it's like to see a planet turn into a tomb?" he asked me, gritting his teeth, “Do you know what it's like to see everything you've ever known crumble to ash and glass, all the life and the green stripped away leaving nothing but bones? I do. I've seen it happen to countless worlds, and my grandfather always told me stories of how you bastards did it to Earth. He still prays in its direction five times a day, to Mecca, but he knows the Kaaba is gone now, or maybe it's still there, buried in the bones of those who sought refuge there.”
I didn't care for the human’s nonsensical beliefs, but I did care to correct him. “I've seen it before, and I'll see it again. And so will you, it's inevitable. The Jurisdiction will always have its judgment fulfilled, there is no alternative.”
“One day, I hope we can rectify that,” he said, then he sheathed his knife and slammed my head against the metal floor with enough force to nearly knock me out. As I lost consciousness, I could hear him speak. “Take him to the Chop Doc, and make sure the cybernetics don't get damaged: they're supposedly more valuable than any bounty on this ship.”
Warning: Severe radiation poisoning detected. Flush system immediately.
Warning: Neural Lace removal detected, chance of neurological damage high. Proceeded with caution.

I started birth control a month or two ago, and before it was effective (4 days into taking the pill) my boyfriend and I had sex with a condom and he pulled out. This was in the first week of April. I had my placebo bleed about 3 weeks later and it was quite heavy, like my normal periods without the pill. Even though I bled, I have anxiety so I was still scared of being pregnant. I even took a test and it was negative. Around two weeks ago I stopped the pill because it gave me bad stomach problems. After stopping the pill, I again had a VERY heavy withdrawal bleed (filling up tampons & pads in an hour or two). Even thought I had two very heavy bleeds, I’m still anxious about being pregnant and I feel like I’m tricking my body into having symptoms that are similar to early pregnancy. Or I’m just overthinking pain that I wouldn’t think about if I wasn’t so anxious. I also could still be having withdrawal symptoms from stopping birth control? I read that heavy bleeding is incompatible with pregnancy, so I’m pretty sure I’m being irrational. Could someone please ease my mind about this?

A little backstory
About 4 years ago i met him. He had transferred schools and we hit it off. We played fortnite together all the time on facetime and just got along. He had sent me a text at the end of the year saying: “Thank you again for the wonderful school year, you were my first friend here”. I replied 6 months later saying how i didnt see it and only saw it because i was going trough old texts. (The message before it he had mentioned he was sorry i had lost my dog which was the reason i didnt reply because it was really recently and i couldn’t handle replying) The next year we only had one class together so we didnt talk as much but in class just a “hi” and then we would talk a little. After that year we didnt really speak anymore. We both didnt have any of the same classes and we never really met in the hallways and if we did we just smiled.
This week after about 2 years of no talk whatsoever he sent me a chat on snapchat (a coincidence because i had looked at his profile only a few days ago and i couldnt see his snap score which means he probably didnt have me added anymore) then the following conversation was held
(He is x and im y) X: hey how have you been (Random conversation) X: “sents snap of him” Y: your hair is longer i like it X: thanks Y: “sent snap of me” X: still pretty Y: your hair? X: no you dummy Y: oh ty ☺️ still? X: wdym still? I never found you ugly Y: oh haha X: is that not allowed Y: oh no ofc it is X: do you have a boyfriend or ex? Y: nope X: oh. Fit check? Y: “sents snap of outfit” noting special X: quite cute Y: ty ☺️ your turn X: that sounds kinky “sends snap of his outfit” Y: sorry didnt mean it to X: i didnt mind it Y: oh haha X: so whats your type? Y: oh i dont really have one they just have to be nice X: oh so me? “In the snap he was laying with his face in a massage table” Y: haha what are you laying on (smootly ignored his question) X: a massage table Y: oh haha i thought something like that X: oh why you wanna give me a massage? Y: uhm nty X: because? Y: thats weird
And now we just send snaps back and forth without any texts in them. What does this all mean? Im so confused and i dont know what to do? I need help

Two years ago I went to ER with what I thought was another stone. Scans showed no stones and the on call said "meh, you probably pulled a muscle."
I dealt with the pain coming and going and gradually getting worse until it started to disrupt my work. I knew it wasn't a pulled muscle but I just ignored it best I could. Noticed a pattern that it would get worse with movement and get worse right before my period. I've been in peri for at least 5 years and have anywhere between 4 and 7 very irregular, very heavy periods.
Finally said something to the gyno, he did an ultrasound sound and found 2 cysts. The one inside the uterus was huge, and he thought maybe that's where the pain was coming from. Had surgery to remove it and it was even bigger than it showed in the ultrasound sound.
That was 3 months ago. I've been on HRT since the surgery for premature ovarian failure. I emailed the doc after I had been back at work 2 weeks to let him know the pain has not changed at all, and in fact one day it was so bad i had to take one of my prescription pain meds that I didnt even touch post - op. He now suspects I have Endo, and offered a hysterectomy due to the combination of the pain and all my other issues.
My biggest fear is that it isn't Endo and maybe not even related to the reproductive system at all and this 2nd surgery doesn't solve the problem.
So my question is, can it ever feel like a kidney stone? I don't know much about Endo, I only started reading up about it once he mentioned it but it explains A LOT of the random symptoms I've had for many years.

I (18F) have always known my dad (53M) wasn’t the most healthy person in the world. For some context on my family and to make sure it’s a whole picture i’m basically going to trauma dump, so TW for sexual assault i guess? When i was two he and my mom(48F) got a divorce because he was using drugs and alcohol to cope with some of his past traumas, while never putting in any work to get past them. After the divorce he ended up being put in prison after receiving multiple DUI’s (im not entirely sure how it happened exactly, i was two or three when he was locked up) and it got him locked up till I was six. My mom, despite having every reason to speak badly of my father, never said anything negative about him. She would take me to visit him, let me read the letters he sent me (when i actually could read, and she would write my replies down for me), and always let me talk to him when he called. We lived with my grandparents while he was locked up. After he got out he spent a long time working to get past his unhealthy coping mechanisms. He lives with his parents for two years and i would visit often. When i was eight he finally had a stable enough job to have both me and my mother move back in with him. I was young, and stupid, and when they asked me if i was okay with it I said yes. We moved into a single wide mobile home in my dad’s home town. My entire life was uprooted and replanted. I began classes in my new school and was bullied for most of my time there. I was told to “suck it up, bullies aren’t that bad.” even though in middle school i was pushed down a very steep flight of stairs and almost broke my arm. My grades began slipping and i went from a gifted child to a burn out really quick. My dad would yell at me and my mom for my grades, then get mad when i couldn’t understand how explained something to me. By thirteen i was suicidal and it was “an attempt to get attention” according to my dad. He had begun to pick fights with my mom over the littlest things. The house wasn’t clean enough, she didn’t make dinner fast enough, my room was a mess. (it was the size of a medium sized walk in closet.) And then my older (half) brother moved in with us. He (32M, let’s call him Michael) had never had a stable life and my dad coddled him because he felt like he had failed him. He had, but Michael was always a screwed up dude, so it only added into it. Anyways, over the course of the next three years my older brother would come to sexually assault me about five times over the next three years. We ended up moving into a larger house when i was about fifteen and i ended up going into counseling and learning that i had been groomed and conditioned to be basically unaware of the trauma inflicted on my by my brother since i was a kid. My dad, when i was seven and my brother a teenager, would turn a blind eye to Michael basically bashing my head into the island counter whenever he would steal something like food from me. My grandparents would always intervene and he would call me a whiner. At night he would tell me all sorts of things and make it seem like he was my only friend in the world. He kept doing it my entire life. My father, who had stopped drinking, had begun again because my grandfather was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and has been fighting for him life since, it’s been about eight years i think since they had to pull him out of remission because the cancer came back. This is when he really became a nightmare. Depending on what type of alchohol he drinks his mood goes a few ways. Whiskey and he gets angry. Tequila and he gets all sappy and lovey dovey(this makes me very uncomfortable because he hasn’t ever been very openly affectionate), beer and he’s just a happy drunk, and wine and he gets sad. Sometimes it switches up but normally this is how it goes. After i finally told my parents about my brother and what he had done and him getting kicked out, he began to bury himself in alcohol. I had to get over it fast because he was blaming anyone within pissing distance. Eventually he would cry to me about how he had failed him son, to the daughter that his son had raped. it was really fucked up, and he only ever said that when he was drunk. (I want to say that my dad isn’t an inherently terrible person, he didn’t have a good life growing up and generational trauma hits hard.)He has been using drinking as a way to escape reality for a long time. It’s caused a great deal of arguments and both of my parents asking “what they do to deserve this” while my dad accuses me of treating him like garbage (he says the same thing to my mom). We’ve had to leave the house and spend a few days with other people before because i was scared he was going to hit us instead of the walls next time, multiple times. The most recent bought of fighting has been happening over the last three days. (for more context i moved out right after i turned eighteen, i became a manager at my workplace and was able to live with friends) I’ve been visiting my family and spending time with them since i haven’t really had time the past few months. I guess my mom found out that he had been receiving nudes from other women on messenger and wanted AT LEAST an apology. My dad blamed it on a married friend who was using his phone. it was a lie because he’s been receiving them almost every day. and commenting on them. it makes me sick to think about. he has begun blaming my mom for it. saying she ruined our old house, that she has to one up him, and saying “do you really wanna go there?” while he was the one who fucked up. After screaming at each other for nearly an hour he said he wanted to break up. My mom spiraled and wanted to kill herself. Her psychiatrist that she had a tele-health call with that day, asked me to basically watch my mom to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. I took her pills and asked my dad to lock up his guns. he took this as her “one -upping him”. Yesterday while i was back at my apartment i got a call from my mom explaining that he had gotten drunk and had told her to kill herself. She had left and was at a bridge to watch the water. I drove back in a panic since i live a town over. Today, my father was drunk again and asked me to go spend time alone so he could screw my mom. I didn’t want to be there so i showered and got ready to leave. Turns out their conversation had shifted and he was berating her for “not letting him discipline me”. I guess that after years of pent up anger never being touched on, i finally snapped and began yelling at him. I called him a hypocrite and he called me a bitch. And basically i left as he began to destroy things around the house. That was after i told him if he kept going this way i would cut contact. I’m currently sitting at our outdoor sports complex writing this because everyone i know is busy and i don’t want to bother them. I just needed to get it out. I don’t know if cutting contact is the right thing to do. Of if it makes me an asshole. I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Hey everyone,
Wanted to share this story to hopefully inspire some of you on this forum to pursue your passion musically.
I’m 36 years old and grew up glued to VH1 and MTV. Some of my fondest memories as a kid were staying up late on New Years Eve watching the top 100 songs of the year countdown.
After discovering The Beatles through my parents vinyl collection, I asked for their CD’s for my 8th birthday. For my 9th birthday, I asked for an electric guitar. I only had that guitar for a couple weeks before my sisters complained and I had to trade it in for an acoustic. It was way too big and after unsuccessfully trying to play it I put it back in its case where it remained for a decade.
About every 5 years I would take it out and attempt to learn. When I got into my Alice In Chains phase senior year of high school I went for lessons but nothing stuck. When Chris Cornell died in 2017 I ordered a new guitar that night. Again, I gave up when I couldn’t form the chords.
In 2021 I started running with a man named Robert “Raven” Kraft in my hometown, Miami Beach. Ravens story requires more than a few paragraphs, but to some it up, this man has run 8 miles on the beach every single day since January 1st 1975. The run started out of heartbreak after he found out a hit song he had written was stolen from him.
Ravens dream is to have a hit. Him and I would discuss music every run (to date I have run with him over 220 times). We would fantasize about me learning guitar and him providing lyrics, starting a real rock and roll band.
In the winter of 2021 my job was on strike so I had a lot of extra downtime. I decided once again to pick up the guitar. This time, inspired my Ravens dedication, I decided I would play 1 hour a day, everyday, for the entire year of 2022.
By June, I was comfortable playing in front of my girlfriend. By October, my best friend was coming over once a week and we started forming songs. By November, we felt the music was good enough and all we were missing was lyrics.
We invited Raven over, who penned his 1701st song in about 10 minutes, our first single, Digging Her Grave.
Another runner joined us from Haiti and plays bass, another runner from Serbia came over and introduced his native Tambura to the band. Finally, a man named Bryan we found on Facebook came over and decided he wanted to produce the album.
In 2023 we became Raven and the Dark Shadows. Our first live performance was a disaster, but we regrouped and practiced more. We found a studio and recorded 10 tracks. Through my connections and Raven’s fame we convinced Dave Abbruzzese (Pearl Jam), Ian Grushka (New Found Glory), Keli Gunnarson (Agent Fresco) and Dave Pastorious (tech 9) to guest on several tracks.
We released our album, An Unkindness, in November of 2023. To celebrate, we had a show at the Wolfsonian with over 150 people attending.
Jack White’s Third Man Pressing is currently producing Blue and Yellow vinyl editions of An Unkindness that should be ready by the summer.
Our song Dracula just reached 30,000 streams. In addition to our music, I produced 4 music videos for our band. A fifth animated one will be out next week. Total views on YouTube are north of 20,000.
At a recent Florida Panthers hockey game, our song, Dead End Road, was played after the Panthers scored a goal. It’s also been used at various Spring Training stadiums around Florida this spring. The Miami Marlins have it on their batting practice playlist. Our upcoming song “Feel Like a Fugitive” is on the Grand Theft Auto 6 soundtrack, and last year we played Stephen King’s 75th birthday bash.
We are currently preparing our second album. All the songs have demos, we just have to find the time to enter the studio and begin the process. We hope to have our second album released by October of 2024.
On January 1, 2025, Raven celebrates his 50th year of the streak. We are hoping for more exposure for the band when this happens.
I hope this inspires you all. In my mid 30s I definitely didn’t expect something like this to happen, but if you really commit to something, dreams can come true.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the project and the sound. I’d also love to get recommendations on what we can do better, as we prepare for album number 2. Check us out on all the streaming platforms
Raven and the Dark Shadows

I'm a 42 year old male, I met my wife when I was 18, she was 23 and we began 'dating' when I was 21, working a job I hated in the same place she worked (casino workers, if you know, you know). We hooked up at a Xmas party and started a very awkward relationship. I say awkward because we had some weird trouble having sex for the first like 6 months... it's odd when I think back on it, should have been a huge red flag but she was draped in reg flags the entire time and it didn't seem matter to me. Aside from that, when we finally did have sex she got pregnant... she was not at all ready, neither was I really, but are you ever? At any rate, I didn't have too much of say in it, she decided on an abortion and I supported her. We stayed together after that horribly shitty experience, our relationship was never really all that good, lots of petty fighting/arguing and really the only reason it continued was because we worked opposite shifts and barely saw each other which made it easier to sorta get along.
Fast forward a couple years, we decide to buy a house because financially it made sense (this is almost 20 years ago so it was still affordable at that time), she made quite a bit of money, mostly in tips (so not on paper), but she probably made 2-3 times as much as I did so she never really struggled financially (in her life I don't think) while I came out of poverty and lived paycheck to paycheck up until a few years ago (the pandemic was surprisingly good for my career). This was never really an issue for me, I've lived in debt my whole life and I've always had the optimism that I would eventually work my way out of it, it's really the only bit of confidence I have in myself, my ability to learn and become relatively good at almost anything. This was always a point of contention, my wife hated that I had debt so when we bought the house together we were asked if we wanted a joint bank account as most couples combine their finances with cohabitation, my wife scoffed and adamantly told the banker there was no way she's mixing her finances with mine, it was relatively embarrassing at the time but I was also just 25 (she was 30) so I went along with whatever, it was going to be slightly cheaper for me to pay a mortgage than rent at the time so I was in and she'd cover bills. Things were never that great when living together, things must have been good enough for me to stay but I only look back with anger now so it's hard to see anything good but I'm sure there must have been some.
Fast forward another couple years and I feel extremely pressured (by her and her family mostly, they're old fashioned country type folks) to ask her to marry me... so I do. We stay engaged for another few years, I have no desire to waste a bunch on money on a wedding but she's the one with money so we have the big wedding she wanted. I'll admit it was a pretty great party, I don't remember anything good involving her on our wedding day but I have lots of good memories with family and friends. Afterwards we went on a 'romantic' honeymoon at an all-inclusive tropical resort and this is where I'll get into a bit of what I've dealt with for years... our resort was gorgeous, room was nice, just a room but nice... first thing my wife did was complain, about everything, the bed, the fridge, the lights, the balcony... nothing was good enough for her, this would become a common theme for the next decade plus. We also did not have sex on our honeymoon, she was far too busy complaining and being angry for us to ever get in the 'mood', this would be more foreshadowing of what's to come.
Now, this might seem like I'm building up to her becoming really bad after getting married but that's not really the case... she was just as bad before, it didn't really get worse, it just became more noticeable... or maybe I just tolerated things more in the beginning. The truth is when I look back, there were so many signs, she casually put me down and basically treated me like a child from day one, something I just accepted because looking back, I was a fucking child when we got together... she was not really, five years my senior, and she very much took advantage of that dynamic. Over the years she slowly went about convincing me that the things I wanted were silly/ridiculous and that I should want what she wanted (the nice lawn, the house, kids, etc., etc.) because everyone should. I never wanted these things.
I won't get into details here because I could write a novel on the insane shit I've dealt with over the last 20 years that could prove this, but I did do a lot of research in the last few years and have come to the conclusion that she could have BPD with narcissistic traits... I'm obviously not a doctor so it's definitely not a diagnosis or anything but she ticks almost every box from the many many things I've read on the subject, so if you have a moment and you don't know what BPD is I suggest googling it. It's pretty terrible but it might give you a better idea of my life.
At any rate, I dug myself deeper and deeper, thinking that every next move would finally make her happy and bring me some kind of peace, so we had a child about a year after we were married. This is where it gets really tricky... I sincerely regret having a child with this woman, especially because she is not at all "cut out to be a mother" (her words, not mine) but her mother had been sick on and off with cancer for a few years and her older sister couldn't have children so she felt obligated to give her mom a grandchild, bad reasons all around to have a child. That being said, I love my son more than anything in the world. As much as I wish we did not bring him into this horrible world, he's still the very best thing to happen to me and I will take care of him and love him for the rest of my life no matter what.
I should mention, since I've eluded to it, I've always had self-esteem issues, goes all the way back to having acne problems in high school but my wife has methodically picked away at my confidence and self-esteem over the years, cutting me down to this very day... to the point that I feel very much worthless. I know that I'm not, I know I deserve better but another fun thing about my wife is her desperate need for sympathy... So, not only does she make me feel horrible about myself, she also manages to make me feel horrible FOR her... she's overweight, and I'm sure has low self-esteem herself but she has decided to take it out on others rather than internalize and try to make things better for herself. She would rather blame others for any of her short comings, I guess it's easier to convince yourself you can't do anything about it when it's someone else fault.
I apologize, because I feel like I'm a bit all over the place but I guess I'm just trying to set the scene for where I'm at now and give just a small glimpse of the hell I've been living in and how I got here...
The first few years of my sons life were pretty great (comparatively at least), honestly it was probably the best we've ever gotten along, probably because most of my focus (and hers) was on our son. Unfortunately, her mother passed away just after my son's first birthday, this was obviously devastating for her, not unexpected but still devastating. We're lucky in Canada because she had a full year maternity leave and was able to spend time with her mom. She took it very hard, and decided to stay off work for an additional 4-6 months (can't remember exactly). This was all fine and understandable, I supported her through all of it, financially and emotionally. Once she went back to work, this is when things took a real nose dive... she has always been a very entitled person but upon going back to work (part time I should mention) she decided everything was horrible for her so she was going to make it horrible for everyone around her. This went on for around 4-5 years (again, the time frames get fuzzy because it's been so long), it was hell. I really just plowed through for our son, I made him my main focus and I took care of everything. Without going into it too much, I sort of shifted gears with my job and focused on finding something that worked better for raising a kid, I got onto a full time day shift (unheard in the casino world) and we worked opposite shifts. It was pretty good for child care (that we couldn't afford) as one of us was always home. This made her more contentious... again, going back to the entitled thing, she felt it wasn't 'fair' for me to work a good shift, she should be the one doing that. I eventually worked my way out of casinos and into a work from home job (before COVID) and it was great, she could work whatever shift she had to and I would always be around for our son.
Fast forward again, my son's in school, she's still super angry at life and making things hellish but I do my best to make it good for our son. It's difficult to keep a smile on with him while putting up with temper tantrums and fits from my wife... yes, we had a toddler and she was the one who threw fits. For an example, I can recall one specific Xmas where my son and I were playing video games which is his biggest interest, something she absolutely hates, and she made a few comments about how we should be doing family things together for Xmas (it was Xmas eve), so my son and I got off the computer and played a board game in the living room... nice and wholesome fun I thought. My wife throws a fit, full on screaming and slamming things around, I don't even remember what for exactly, it happens so often I can't keep track anymore. Her temper tantrum ends with her storming off and slamming the door to her room. I'll never forget looking at my son right after, him tearing up a bit and asking me "what is wrong mom?" and I just said "I'm really sorry buddy, I don't know" and we hugged... I cried a lot about that that night, one of many times I would have to apologize for her and the way she acts around him. This is just one small example and a terrible Xmas memory that I'll always have, hopefully my son won't. I think the worst part of these 'tantrums' is that she can almost always justify them, only to herself really but usually by blaming me or my son for "making her so upset" or worse, blaming some inanimate object for "not working how it should".
Fast forward to now(ish)... I've basically lived in my basement for the last 5 years, my office and bedroom are there, I stay down there to avoid my wife as much as possible but it feels like a prison cell now. I've retreated from life in general over the years too, I've always been a pretty anti-social introvert, I prefer quiet one on one conversations rather than group settings. Most of my 'friends' over the last 10-15 years revolved around my job (casinos take over your life people, for real) and my wife, I slowly lost any friends that had no connection to her. This was partially due to me retreating and the fact that my wife would insert herself into any friendship that was just mine to the point that I sort shut those people out to avoid them having to deal with her. Sadly, I don't have friends anymore (didn't have many to begin with but still), my son is essentially my only friend and because I work from home by myself I rarely talk to any other adults. My wife and I talk only when necessary... I cannot make eye contact with her anymore. This is probably needless to say but we haven't had sex in over 6 and a half years and I don't cheat, I don't have the confidence, so I've just accepted that I'm celibate now.
One other area of contention that I feel I should explain since I've mentioned it already, through the pandemic there was a serious power shift, financially speaking. She essentially lost her job and is now in a lower paying part time job (more realistic pay compared to her previous job), whereas I made a couple job changes that bumped me up well ahead of her. For comparison, the salaries essentially flipped, almost exactly... to where I make 2-3 times what she makes. This has become an area of contention because this was something she was able to lord over me for the majority of our relationship, she spent money freely while I paid the mortgage and barely ate for the first 5 years we lived in the house but now, for the first time in her life she has to pay attention to her finances and watch her spending... she does not like this so it's just another thing to constantly complain about and make passive aggressive comments about the things that 'dad' can afford to do/buy but doesn't (mainly because I'm paying the mortgage and all the bills now while finally paying down some debt).
Oh, I should probably also mention that it's a regular thing for her to insult me and put me down in front of our son and on flip side of that she also uses him to garner sympathy from me ("shouldn't daddy feel bad mommy has to go to work?") it's very frustrating because I just want to protect my kid but I guess she knows that.
Again, I'll apologize for how disjointed this all is... the more I type, the more I think about shit to type... like I mentioned, I could write a novel on this, mostly because I have no real outlet, just sit in my basement talking to myself about it all... or I guess stewing in it.
So, I guess I should try to finish off with what exactly the advice is that I'm seeking... I essentially hate my wife, the word I use often is 'despise' and over the years we've had brief conversations where I've told her that "I'm done and I'm just here for the kid" and unfortunately she took this as push to work on our marriage harder and 'fix' things, far too little, too late. She makes me feel like the worse person in the world and yet I just can't bring myself to say to her face that I want a divorce... I feel sorry for her, fuck so much so that I bought a house with her, married her, and had a fucking kid with her... I'm sure that's not the case, I must have loved her at one point but I just can't see it anymore. I don't know why I can't say it to her, why I can't just end this... I'm so worried about how she'll react, what she'll do to me, to my kid... how she'll try and turn him against me. I'm just paralyzed with the fear of what could/will happen if I tell her we're getting a divorce.
I've made plans over the last few years to move out, rent an apartment for me and my kid and just continue to pay her bills until we can sell the house and split the profit. I can't afford to do this, it would cause me to go back into debt but I do not care, it would be worth it to get away from her. I have set deadline after deadline... "I'll do it after Xmas" or "after her birthday" or "before my birthday" and these days come and go and I just can't do it... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, it's like I just don't want to hurt her, even though I'm hurting her by not ending things and she definitely doesn't give a shit about hurting me... I just don't want to face her and deal with it and how she will make the aftermath hell.. and I worry so much about my son, it would have been so much better for him if I would have divorced her years ago, he's fucking 10 now... another fear is having to explain it to him but we're setting a horrible example. One of my wife's favourite ways to use our son against me, is planting it in his head that "family is all that matters", focusing specifically on our little family, and how we have to "stick together no matter what, that's what family does". It's such an underhanded way to prep him for hating me because I'm "breaking up our family".
I would appreciate any advice on how the hell I can get over my paralyzing fear and just end this marriage or maybe you wanna come over and end it for me? I'm at a point where I'd take that... as I mentioned I've not shared most of this with anyone... so feedback would be a really new thing for me.
Oh, and please feel free to call me chicken shit, and tell me I just need to grow a pair and get this done... it's the same thing I've been saying to myself for years, not helpful but I understand the sentiment.
Shit... I'm sorry, this turned into a novel. Thank you.

I'm 21 years old 5ft 7 And weigh 57kg.
I will like U to go into detail for each feat I mention but in 2 ways. The first is in comparison to any other 5ft 7 57kg 21 year and then second would be compared to the average 'height and weight' 21 year old.
I was really skinny (I don't have pics) and decided to try pushups. I could only do 5. I was told that although I'm very skinny. For someone who never trained or worked let alone worked out, alot people can't even do more than 1 and 5 was relatively impressive..for 1 week every day i practised doing as many pushups as i could do. At the end of the week I realised I could do 10 pushups to failure. I then decided no matter what I will do 10 pushups every day for the next 30 days. By the end of the month I had a pb of 20 pushups (a 5 seconds rest for repositioning after 10 pushups, then banging out last 10 before failure).in a row. This brought me from an original 56.6 to 57kg. I then discovered grip strength adjustable spring loaded tools and.realised I could do 60ibs in each hand. After 7 days I got up to 75 where I peaked for a few weeks. After a month I had finally decided to go to the gym feeling relatively strong for my size.
I done many arm chest back exercises with only using like 10-15kg for each exercise (not bench squat or deadlift) for 1 week and.felt really strong. I was happy that I could do that for 12 reps and.thn I thought screw it I'm gonna try my hardest I have a big temper and I feel 5c stronger in those moments and decided to put that anger into training.
Instantly the next day following the 1st week of gym training with 10-15kg weights. I ended up finding out I could bench 60kg 1-3 times (depending wether I was just going to falier or seeing what I can lift. 40kg 12 reps 3 sets now and 20 pushups not much trouble. I can do 5 chin ups compared to none at beginning. Also even though I couldn't grip it properly I used a digital dynomometre and.scores 40kg in 1 hand and 58 in both even though I couldn't grip it and it kept slipping out.
I'm just wandering how I fair with only a week gym training with a month prep of pushups for 30days. Essentially how do I fair for someone my size. Does the feats impressive compared to the average 21 year old.
Sorry for the long message I don't usually do these.
Thank you