Anxiety sick stomach

Hi, I have been sick a few times since November and was handed a 8 week warning in November for 3 absences in the space of a month, I was then recently off again due to sickness, I have been diagnosed with celiac disease and it has been causing me stomach issues and as well as having 2 chest infections in that time, it hasn’t been 26 weeks since my last absence so my absence percentage is above 3%, do you think I will get handed another warning? Thank you

I'm sick right now, so I've been reading sickfics recently. I love them to death, but when I read them my stomach sinks, or hurts? Is that normal?

Hi. I’ve been having a lot of pent up emotions about this for the past few days and I don’t know what to do with it so here I am. My husband (20M) and I (20F) dated 5 months, got engaged, and were married two months later. He had never had any problems with lust or porn while we’re were dating except for like one small period in time.
A few months into our marriage, he started having issues with it and would tell me about it. We are both Christian, and I have noticed this has been happening when he’s been really busy and hasn’t made much time for God and gets distracted. When he tells me about his issues, he tries not to be specific because the details only hurt me, which I appreciate. Sometimes, though, I just have the urge to want to know EVERYTHING and I think it’s a control issue.
Anyway, the other night we were at a hockey game as a date and we were having a great time. At some point when we were by ourselves I asked out of curiosity if he’s ever masturbated while we have been married and he says he has more than once. Hearing that made me feel like my stomach was getting hit with a bowling ball because I know he has masturbated to other women online. He hates when I ask him questions about it because it makes him feel worse when he’s trying to do better. When I asked him this, he told me he had basically gone all week without a thought of lust which is awesome. I feel like when I ask him about it I just mess things up and get petrified that something will happen again. Even though he doesn’t struggle with this constantly I still can’t get over the hurt and absolute betrayal I feel in my gut. I can’t get the images out of my head of what he might be doing and looking at. I can’t bear to think about it happening again even though I’m almost positive it will. I hate living in fear and anxiety about this.
Why does this hurt me so freaking bad? Anytime I have ever struggled a bit with just (which isn’t much), he doesn’t get worked up at all and is totally understanding and he says it doesn’t hurt him as bad as it seems to hurt me. He doesn’t invalidate me but has a hard time understanding why it’s so so painful.
I don’t want to take this out on him so I’m here maybe trying to find someone to relate to and get advice. I don’t want opinions on my marriage, just advice of how I can deal with this. I pray for him but I am getting OH so impatient and it’s gut-wrenching. Please help😭

I (20F) am invisible to most people and I don’t know which is worse.
On one hand I hate being the center of attention and I feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack if all eyes are on me. On the other hand if someone completely doesn’t see me even if I’m right in front of them I feel bad about myself.
I’m in college so I have to do many presentations and participate in class. Whenever all eyes are on me I feel like I’m gonna pass out, cry, or get sick. So for the most part I keep to myself and don’t know anyone inside or outside of my classes. My social anxiety has gotten so bad to the point where I don’t have any friends and honestly don’t get out much.
I thought I was okay with not being noticed until I realized that I’m completely invisible to everyone. People have cut infront of me in line multiple times without them even realizing I was there. People I’ve had to talk to rarely remember my name. I’m constantly accused of sneaking up on people and scaring them when I’ve literally been minding my own business sitting in a corner where they could’ve easily seen me. It also doesn’t help that the majority of people that ignore me are guys which stings a lot honestly.
Just recently I was eating by myself at a small table in the dining hall while looking at my phone when a guy walked up to the seat right in front of me and slammed his water bottle on the table hard enough for the table to shake. When I looked up at him like “wtf dude” he said “oh sorry I didn’t see you sitting there” and walked away. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that he apologized but still. How did he not see me sitting there when he walked right up to me?
I’ve honestly been trying lately to fix my social anxiety recently but becoming invisible makes it really difficult. I know looks wise I’m ugly, but I didn’t think I was so bad that I was that invisible. I’m tall, I have big curly hair, and I’m a black person going to a PWI so naturally I thought I’d at least be noticed a little bit.
I’m just having very conflicted thoughts. I know being invisible is my fault, but I want to get better. It’s like people noticing makes me feel horrible but being invisible makes me feel bad too. I honestly don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

I (37f) was gonna add flair but it falls under prep and also worry/anxiety. Ugh.
I’m on my second round of Miralax/Gatorade and I am nervous. I vomited earlier today after taking the two Ducolax pills but I had been feeling nauseas most of the day. I also have to take one of my medications and I’m supposed to do so with food, which I obviously can’t do. I feel like perhaps that’s contributing a bit but idk since it’s my first time.
I did call my on-call gastro after vomiting (lots of liquid) and he wasn’t too concerned since it was seemingly from the Ducolax. He told me to continue prep as instructed (just Miralax/Gatorade) but I can do so at a slower rate as to not make myself feels sick again as long as I’ve had all of it by the time it’s two hours before my procedure. He of course told me to call back if I wasn’t getting better or threw up again.
Idk, I’m just nervous and anxious and I am so afraid to throw up again because I absolutely HATE it. I was thinking when I first started that it wasn’t too bad but after the nausea and vomiting, I am firmly in the “this sucks” camp. The whole reason I got this “urgent” scheduling (a week from seeing my PCP to procedure) is for ongoing blood in my stool and concern about cancer so I’m sure I’m having anxiety about that too.
Thanks for listening to my rant and worries. It helps having a community who understands this feeling.

I (20F) am invisible to most people and I don’t know which is worse.
On one hand I hate being the center of attention and I feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack if all eyes are on me. On the other hand if someone completely doesn’t see me even if I’m right in front of them I feel bad about myself.
I’m in college so I have to do many presentations and participate in class. Whenever all eyes are on me I feel like I’m gonna pass out, cry, or get sick. So for the most part I keep to myself and don’t know anyone inside or outside of my classes. My social anxiety has gotten so bad to the point where I don’t have any friends and honestly don’t get out much.
I thought I was okay with not being noticed until I realized that I’m completely invisible to everyone. People have cut infront of me in line multiple times without them even realizing I was there. People I’ve had to talk to rarely remember my name. I’m constantly accused of sneaking up on people and scaring them when I’ve literally been minding my own business sitting in a corner where they could’ve easily seen me. It also doesn’t help that the majority of people that ignore me are guys which stings a lot honestly.
Just recently I was eating by myself at a small table in the dining hall while looking at my phone when a guy walked up to the seat right in front of me and slammed his water bottle on the table hard enough for the table to shake. When I looked up at him like “wtf dude” he said “oh sorry I didn’t see you sitting there” and walked away. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that he apologized but still. How did he not see me sitting there when he walked right up to me?
I’ve honestly been trying lately to fix my social anxiety recently but becoming invisible makes it really difficult. I know looks wise I’m ugly, but I didn’t think I was so bad that I was that invisible. I’m tall, I have big curly hair, and I’m a black person going to a PWI so naturally I thought I’d at least be noticed a little bit.
I’m just having very conflicted thoughts. I know being invisible is my fault, but I want to get better. It’s like people noticing makes me feel horrible but being invisible makes me feel bad too. I honestly don’t know what to do. Any advise would be appreciated.

I am not diagnosed because my family doesn't believe in having anxiety disorder. Though I've researched it for years(not trying to self diagnose) I've had many anxiety attacks ever since 2018 they've just been getting more frequent. Atleast I thought they were anxiety attacks.
On a road trip with friend I was driving back and thought I was just having an anxiety attack so I thought if I just tried to calm myself down and do the breathing techniques I would be fine. But when I started not able to breath,felt like I was about to be sick and was shaking so bad it was effecting my driving I pulled over and got out. I tried pacing tried to breath but I couldn't and ended up collapsing. Only one friend got out to see what was wrong. It still scares me as all I was saying was " I don't know don't know. I CANT BREATH!" I've never felt so scared and thought I was going crazy.
After that incident someone told me it wasn't an anxiety attack it was a panic attack. So I did some research and I think I've been having panic attacks as well as anxiety attacks for a long time now but I've never had one that bad before.
I know anxiety attacks are triggered by stressful situations I get them when I'm at events sometimes driving I didn't know panic attacks don't need a trigger and are also triggered by the same ones they such similar symptoms that I don't know if I've actually been having them this whole time.

to start, i (m14) have been smoking weed almost everyday for a bit over a year now, mainly black market thc carts that i buy off of street plugs. i started smoking during the beginning of 8th grade, instantly got hooked, and never looked back since.
until now. 3-4 weeks ago, i woke up one day with extreme nausea and stomach pain. i was retching constantly, sweating, my heart was beating extremely fast and i felt really anxious, like something very bad was going to happen + the fear of having to vomit. this persisted until i got out of bed and took a shower which calmed my symptoms down a bit, but after i brushed my teeth and went to my room to change, all the symptoms came back, and i immediately threw up into a trashcan. the pain, nausea, and anxiety continued until i got to school and hit my friends dab pen. after smoking i felt completely fine, like all of the symptoms and bad feelings had just instantly gone away.
i have been experiencing this everyday since then, with the only end to it is a hot shower, or getting high.
how do i even begin to get help for this? i’m too scared to even bring this up to my parents because they think i quit smoking a very long time ago. and i fear my pediatrician will just tell my parents if i try to confide in him.

I'm a female in my teens, if that matters.
I've always struggled with anxiety (which i am medicated for) and it having an affect on my stomach, as of recent it has become completely unmanageable. My stomach will hurt almost every day of the week, it's become extremely rare for my stomach to feel normal. My eating schedule has become completely messed up. I also have severe emetophobia which makes it worse as i avoid eating from anxiety of throwing up and my stomach will end up hurting because im hungry. I've lost around 25 pounds in the last two months which wasn't something i was attempting to do.
This has been going on since last year, it got better during july-december of 2023. However as of recent it has made it difficult to do anything when my stomach is hurting so severely. It end up making moving/breathing hurt as i'm so tensed up.
I've also noticed "flair ups" during certain days where i won't be able to leave the bathroom for more than 10 minutes. I've been allergy tested and the only thing i know for certain i'm sensitive to is beef.
I'm going to see a specialist on the 15th and i'm really hoping this is something that can be treated or managed, it's just gone on for so long i'm wondering if this could be IBS or possibly gastroparesis. Maybe it's just my anxiety and i'm hoping so because i'm miserable.
Sorry for long rant i'm just very upset at my current situation.

If any of y'all feel like you're paying a fair amount for your insurance and what it offers, can you drop the names of your providers? I don't wanna start looking for quotes and be bombarded by emails and phone calls again. Just trying to find routes to A) get medicated for my anxiety and B) just not panic when I actually do get really sick and have to wonder when is sick enough to seek help. Pls and thanks! If there's another sub that's good with this stuff, please drop the name of that too. Thanks in advance!

Hi all. My husband will deploy, but this is our first ever deployment together. I’m feeling so lonely & sick to my stomach thinking of not being together. I am going back home to be with my parents but I’m still feeling numb and sad about this whole situation. I know I need to get use to it but I have really bad attachment issues 😩 any advice? Thank you everyone.

My gf has come into town to visit after we’ve had to spend some time apart for work. I’ve been so excited and feeling great for days, but now on the day that she’s here, I’m feeling very unwell and nauseous. I can generally attribute my feeling sick during exciting moments as anxiety, but I can genuinely say that there was no anxiety about this, just pure excitement to see my partner and my body is still getting in the way. I’m trying my best to not let it impact our plans and trucking on even when I’m feeling sick, but it’s difficult to enjoy this time fully when I’m feeling like I might vomit :/

My aunt invited me for lunch for my birthday which was a few days ago. She knows I have IBS but doesn't understand how it works. She knows I can't take dairy but doesn't understand where dairy is.
She had this wonderful chicken meal that she went to great lengths to prepare for me and she bought this fancy expensive chocolate cream cake.
I took a small piece, with all the efforts she did and the money spent. Oh what a mistake.
I'm feeling like SHIT.
Several bathroom trips. Nausea. Stomach very upset. Cramps. Horrible burps where I taste the mix of the uncooked cucumbers (not good for me either) and the cake.
I have emetophobia - fear of nausea and vomiting. So this is triggering huge anxiety too. I'm shaking, I have shivers alternatinf with hot waves.
I feel so so so bad. After my last flare up, it took me days to recover. I'm probably going to feel shitty for the rest of the week, but tonight, it is torture.
I took dicyclomine, clonazepam, prochlorazine to try to calm everything down.
Trying to sip on ginger tea but stomach doesn't seem to want anything coming in.
How do you politely decline food you know you shouldn't be taking without making anyone sad or offended? How do you deal with meal invitations?
I would really prefer to just get invited for tea time and not a full meal, because people just don't get it. It would make me less anxious, I know I would feel alright after, we can still spend quality time together.. how to make people do the shift from socializing around a meal to socializing around other stuff?
And how do you make yourself feel better in the midst of such a flare up?

(For background, my GF has pretty bad anxiety and depression, and has not been taking meds to help at all, she did a few years ago but has stopped. We have had some pretty bad fights where we have said pretty mean crap to each other but have worked through it for the most part. We still get in some fights like every couple does, but sometimes we just can't agree on stuff that I feel is common sense for how to treat a partner and it is starting to worry me about our future.)
So my GF (26F) and I (26M) of ~three years were talking about how she might have to go through an airport by herself for the first time. I was saying things like, you can go through it by yourself, and you could go through it by yourself. Things to try to be supportive and say hey, you are smart, you can manage to get through by yourself IF it comes to that. I kept trying to be supportive and say that her friends will probably just meet her there and they will be able to help her through and I will help her through as far as I can go. So in my mind I am not saying anything to get her anxiety running and get her fired up. However, she starts to raise her voice at me and started yelling about things (saying that I said she had to go through the airport by herself and started to just be rude towards me). So I started to walk away sensing that she was tense and that she could use some time to herself and when I started getting up she was still raising her voice at me. So, I reacted and said that she was being an ahole for no reason and to knock it off. We have gotten in plenty of fights and have been through pretty rocky times so the overall fight was not a big deal to me.
The big deal is afterwards when some time passed and we started talking again. She said she did nothing wrong and that I can't react like that and that I am the only one in the wrong. She said it was like if she said I was fat , which I thought and feel that comparison is something completely different and asked her if she actually thought that which she said sometimes she thinks I am. (another background, she almost always attacks me personally when she is mad at me and I have tried to say it is not cool or ok to do at all, to which she has gotten a little better but not much and just blames it saying she was just that mad. But in my mind if you say anything that is how you actually feel even if you are just mad.) I acknowledged name calling is not cool and that I shouldn't do that, but said why is it the expectation that I am supposed to say sorry for reacting to something you did that made me upset and she is not supposed to say sorry. She just said we should agree to disagree about the whole thing which got me even more upset and we went our separate ways again.
Stupid stuff like this keeps happening in the relationship and it is starting to make me worry about the future. How am I supposed to just keep going when if I know how she reacts to something as little as that she will most likely flip out even more if I actually mess up or if future children mess up how will she react. How am I supposed to say to her that she can't just act any way she wants with me. Yes, I know I was a bit sensitive in this scenario, but other fights have gotten way out of hand where she comes at my character, personality, and intentionally says things to hurt me and I am just sick of it. It has been a theme where she feels that she did nothing wrong when I come to her and say X thing you said/did made me upset. How should I go about telling her how its not ok to treat me like that? I feel like I have tried every different way but nothing has worked.
Sorry this is long-winded, any advice or even negative feedback for how I handled things is appreciated.
TLDR; GF was rude to me and I was rude back. GF just wants me to say sorry and is saying that she did nothing wrong. I am tired of having the same conversations without much changing. How should I tell her that the way she is treating me is not ok?

Hi all! Just wanted to share my experience in case anyone can relate. I started gluten free 6 weeks ago with the following results…38 m 6’3 and large frame for reference:

• massive reduction in joint pain. I was having crazy pain in my feet. Cleared up one week into GF.
  
• WAY better anxiety/depression. It’s wild how much clearer I am thinking and how much more balanced I feel.
  
• Weight loss. Have lost 12 pounds! But here’s the kicker - I have been ravenous and eating more than ever. Lots of protein! Am lifting weight 4x a week as well. The change in my body has been very noticeable
  
• better mood. Less angry.
  
• stomach not upset as often.
  
• more energy.
  

The weight loss and lack of anxiety/depression is stunning. Can anyone else relate?? What a wonderful change in my life!!

I'm on Prozac since the 15th of February, 20mg for the first week, 40 the second week, and since the third week I'm at 60mg per day.
My anxiety really lowered to the point where I actually want to face my fears upfront. But what's strange is that I'm now having an obsession about travelling to New York.
I've been dreaming about it for years now, but never started to look for information about how much I need to pay to go there and have a good trip (I'm from France btw), and see what I can do there. I was just dreaming of Times Square, Central Park and Empire State Building.
But at some point of my treatment, I got a boost in motivation, and started to look, search, and imagine the trip. My best friend is okay to go with me, and I'm now planning to go in September or October 2025.
Problem is I have the feeling that this is all I'm speaking about to my relatives, to the point where sometimes I have the feeling they are annoyed by it, I even repeated myself today on the phone with my mom, telling her I made a spreadsheet to compare attraction prices to city pass prices and went on explaining what I wanted to do, like a child, and she kept trying to stop le by telling me I've already told her all that two days ago during our last phone call. I'm also pressuring my best friend to take part in the planning, I know he's very busy with work these days, I tell him it's okay, to take his time, but inside of me I'm more and more mad that he doesn't commit to it and participate and take some time for it. But it's in more than a year, there IS time, why am I obsessed this much by this trip?
And to top it off, I saw offers from my flight company to book flight+hotel at a discounted price and realized it could allow me to go this year, in 2024, except that means I'd have to go alone because my best friend is on trial period at his work and he can't take holidays until it's finished early 2025. And I feel i'd do him dirty if I suddenly decided to go without him, since he wants to go too, and I wouldn't enjoy it as much because I would not be able to film and take all the pictures I want to be on.
And since I'm obsessed with New York, there's a more morbid obsession that comes with it: 9/11. For the past two months, I've been watching movies and documentaries almost every single day. And in the first videos I watched there was the one where we can hear the Muzak version of She's Always A Woman by Billy Joel, which was still playing on the plaza while the towers were on fire and people were jumping. And that song is now stuck in my head and never leaves, I have it every day, even when another song comes in my mind to distract me, I notice it's a new song, which makes me think of the first one, and then it's back again for the whole day.
I'm honestly conflicted between excitement and frustration about the trip, but I'm also a bit afraid that it is so much on my mind when there's plenty of time to plan it properly.
There's an element to note though: when all of this started, I was on sick leave because my anxiety prevented me from going to work. When I felt better, I went back to work for 2 weeks, and I've between two staffing assignment for a month now, which means basically I have to stay available to answer a staffing proposition, but while I'm doing this, I have nothing to do, which means my brain is not working towards work, but has all the time in the world to wander and think about stuff, so that may be why I'm obsessed with it, it gives me a purpose at a time where I have none, but it coincides so much with the Prozac, and even when I was working qu couldn't help tell my colleagues how excited I was about going to New York, so that might still be the medication.
What do you think?
Is it normal? I feel like a child waiting for Christmas and getting frustrated because it's in a too long time. And I'm afraid of annoying everyone around me about this. I even got very sad this evening when I saw pictures of NYC on Twitter, because I want so badly to finally see it with my own eyes!

So I'm on day 20 of Pregabalin. Currently taking 75mg twice a day, though I've asked about a dose increase because I'm taking it for anxiety and at this dose it's not helping sufficiently there.
Something surprised me though, which is the effect that even this dose has had on my OCD?
To give a bit of background context. The most debilitating aspect of my OCD is a type of germaphobia/contamination OCD, it's not fear of germs themselves as much as fear of certain things my brain considers "dirty" and fear of other objects coming into contact with them and by nature of contact also becoming "dirty".
One example of this: Feet are one object my mind considers "dirty". So by extension, the floor is always "dirty" since feet have touched it. That means if I drop a clean sock on the floor for 2 seconds, it's now "dirty", if I then put that sock on my bedside table, my bedside table is now "dirty". If I then touch my bedside table, I'm now also "dirty" and need an immediate shower.
You get the idea it's insane and stupid, but it's something I've dealt with for the longest time.
Well currently one of my dogs is really sick and dying, and she was laying on the dirty ass floor the other day, in fact she was laying partly on a rug that my dogs have previously vomited and shat on (it's been cleaned but to my mind that object will always be the most extremely "dirty" thing in my house because of that).
What did I do? Lay down next to her with my head on the rug. I didn't panic, I didn't start having horrible fears about the dirt getting on me.
To put that in perspective because it might seem small to you, in the last 15 years or so I've laid down on the floor I think two or three times, one of them being that time I lay down next to my dog the other day. The other times were me actively trying to force myself to face my OCD too.
I'm also having WAY less intrusive thoughts, and am washing my hands a bit less too (another thing I struggle with doing a lot).
Has anyone else noticed that this medication has helped their OCD too? If so I'd love to hear your experiences.

my family all says i have extreme health anxiety. so yesterday i woke up with debilitating cramps in my anus, when i went to the bathroom to push bc i thought it was just a bad poop it hurt so bad. i didnt poop the entire day bc of how bad it hurt. when i FINALLY pooped, it was black and tarry with a foul smell., i was nauseous and when i peed it burned like hell, when i leaned forward to wipe i felt a searing pain in my abdomen. i looked it up and it said i may be having GI (gastrointestinal) bleeding. i am in so much pain which carried on into the next day. i live in mexico so all doctors offices are closed on sundays, so i asked my mom to take me to the hospital. which she said no to because i don’t have health insurance and i am 18. i got frustrated with her because she absolutely refused so i started yelling. she just laughed at me. she said to rub castor oil on my stomach and drink tea and i’ll be fine. i said absolutely not, i do not believe in “essential” oils. i eventually gave in because i wanted the pain to stop. so here i am, sticky with oil and drinking a rancid tea. my siblings are on my moms side, my sister said “you’re having an anxiety attack, take your meds and chill”. i don’t know what to do, please help me or give advice or AT LEAST tell me what this is.

Medications: Loryna (YAZ)
Symptoms: light spotting (both dark brownish and red), occasionally off smell (cannot tell exactly what it is)
Not sexually active, have never been.
Hi Reddit friends!
Reaching out here to look into some odd symptoms on my birth control pill. I started birth control in September of 2023. I had 0 side effects, not even spotting at ALL, until February of 2024.
February was when I caught a gross flu and felt sick for a few days. I figured it was my bodies response to being sick and some things were disrupted.
Since then, I’ve been on and off spotting after the end of my period. More recently, it’s more consistent. Most times I wipe, it has a dark brown-ish hue to it and the occasional dark brown stringy discharge. I do not really understand the cause of it. It seems to not have a particular smell to it, maybe a touch metallic.
I am trying to get into my gyno before I go back to school.
I sometimes notice an off smell as I mentioned before- I don’t think it smells particularly yeasty or fishy, but also I don’t know. I also notice some white build up in my labia even though I throughly clean the external part every night with water and unscented soap.
It is giving me a lot of anxiety but I am trying to calm down about it. Has anyone else experienced this?
Thanks guys!

My partner and I had the Korean BBQ fries and have been sick to our stomachs since Saturday morning. The only thing we ate the same Friday was the fries. We don’t drink or partake in any fun extras so the only thing we had the festival other than the food was water. I’m not throwing shade at anyone. I’m genuinely curious if anyone else got sick from the food?

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be dead in the next 24 hours.
Whether that's the Costella family, or whatever this is, I'm not sure.
The police are taking forever, and part of me knows they're either refusing to believe me, or RC got them too.
I'm holed up on our school bus, so I've got nothing better to do.
I want to tell you about my team.
We met in our sophomore year.
Strangers standing outside the club room.
Levi was the freckled brunette who wouldn't stop talking about Game of Thrones.
Sunny, a pretty redhead, told him to shut up.
Tom, a sandy blonde, nodding his head to music corked in his ears.
I just wanted to be part of a club, and get away from my overbearing mother.
I won't say it was a perfect start. Our school was lacking in funding, so anyone could join, which made us more of a Quiz Club. I had some serious anxiety, so I stayed on the sidelines for a while, watching, rather than taking part.
It's not like we actually talked to each other initially. The first few weeks, we played Jeopardy, and attempted to find more members to cement us as an official Academic Decathlon club.
Unfortunately, though, it was just the four of us.
Which made it extremely hard for us to be taken seriously.
According to Google, Academic Decathlon teams were made up of nine members, placed by their GPA.
Our principal laughed at us, but he did let us become official.
Which was out of pity, I assumed.
The club was assembled, and we started meeting up after school.
Sort of.
Sunny barely showed up, and Levi didn't take anything seriously, preferring to spend the time telling us about his weird family turf-war.
Our principal dumped us in a tiny classroom with a resident rat living under the floorboards.
There was barely enough room to move, and the four of us crammed together for three hours was less than appealing.
Still, though, I wanted to be part of a club.
I had grown up with parents who were obsessed with board games, so I was pretty good at general knowledge questions. Our club room was too small for anything else but three desks (Sunny and I shared one) and a whiteboard we had to shove through the door.
But, again, we didn't start as an Academic club.
It was more akin to Story Time Club.
Arriving late on my third day, armed with quiz cards from home, I found Tom and Sunny completely mesmerised by Levi’s storytelling skills, drowned in shadow.
They didn't even turn the lights on.
I strictly remember squeezing next to Sunny, and hearing the words, “But there was so much blood all over the floor, and my Mom told me to go upstairs and hide under the bed…”
Sitting in front of them was Levi, perched on a desk, his legs swinging, a whiteboard marker between his teeth.
Sometimes he'd get up, and illustrate parts of his story.
It sucked that his drawings were all stick people.
I won't go into full details of his life, but Levi grew up as part of a family who had… interesting methods of making a living. I had seen the guy’s father multiple times when we hung out at his place, and, yeah, my friend’s family definitely had Soprano vibes.
Levi’s Draw My Life was nothing to do with the club, but it did bring us closer.
Even if, at that point, I was considering leaving.
But it's not like it was easy to walk away from these guys. It's like finding your soulmates. Levi wasn't the only one with an interesting life. Sunny Lang was an ex kpop trainee, who was kicked out for being too fat, which led her to develop a severe eating disorder, and a hatred for her own body.
Sunny explained her family were originally from Boston, her mother growing up in Korea.
She signed up for an idol agency focusing on creating a new girl group, and had gotten all the way to the final stages, before being kicked for her weight. Sunny told us her story with a smile, though there was a hollowness in her eyes I couldn't ignore. The other girls were judgemental bullies, and the idol diet and brutal regime almost killed her.
Sunny lived in a tiny apartment with 9 girls, who would tear each other apart for a chance to debut. Sunny said all the other girls debuted, and when we (not so patiently) asked for names, she shrugged, admitting she signed an NDA that prevented her spilling the beans.
What she did say, was the K-pop idol is a product, not a person– and are made and moulded into a product.
She had zero interest in throwing her humanity away to become a manufactured doll.
So, one of us was the son of an underground family, and the other was an ex idol.
Tom was an aspiring horror writer with a famous older step-brother.
His story times were usually, That one time I went to the Met Gala.
When it was my turn to reveal my story, I told them the only interesting thing about me.
I could smell when something bad was going to happen.
They laughed, but I was being serious.
When I was a kid, I smelled my mother’s brain tumor.
I remember it smelled like curdled milk.
I asked Mom why her head smelled of mouldy milk, and Mom laughed and said it was her shampoo.
It was actually a grade two tumor growing inside her brain.
Thankfully, the tumour was found quickly and removed.
Growing older, I became sensitive to smell. The little girl choking on the bus smelled of singed wood, and the old man crossing the road stunk of gasoline.
In the fourth grade, my classmate Alex Castor smelled of lemons all morning.
I sat behind him, choking on the stink all the way through class.
Ever since I met him, Alex had always smelled… off.
It was a distinct smell I could never understand, and as the days and months and years went by, that smell morphed into a subtle orangey musk that was so strong I had to cover my mouth and nose. Then, he smelled like lemons.
During Recess, I watched Alex fall off of the jungle gym, straight onto his head.
Alex Castor was dead before the paramedics arrived, my panicked teacher attempting CPR when his brains were leaking out of his ears.
The school claimed it was an accident, but Alex would have been fine if the jungle gym wasn't built on solid concrete.
I told my team members this, and Levi was sceptical.
“You can smell bad things?” He said, his lips curved around his milkshake straw. In the early days, we hung out in the local bar. It's not like we were allowed inside, but Levi could get us in anywhere.
I was squeezed between Tom and Sunny, while Levi took the seat opposite us. I couldn't help noticing our waitress was insisting on free milkshake refills, her frantic eyes glued to Levi.
I had zero idea why. Levi Costella was about as intimidating as a fruit fly.
Wearing a white shirt with a popped collar, a leather jacket thrown over the top, Levi was giving rebellious Harvard student, rather than son of a crime family.
Leaning forward, he raised a brow, clearly not believing me.
“So, you're like a stink psychic?”
I shrugged, sipping my own shake.
“Sure.”
I wasn't planning on telling him the club room smelled off on our first day.
Once we actually started the club, Levi surprised us as the smartest member, and getting to know him further, I came to the realization his family were infamous in our town.
However, his parents hid it well. Lucy and Michael Costella were the owners of a popular ramen store in our town, hiding under the facade of two successful business owners. The Costella’s were an attractive family.
Lucy was a sophisticated brunette with a lipstick smile, Michael, a handsome fluffy haired man who looked like he modelled glasses.
The two were fiercely protective over their youngest son, not so casually reminding us behind grinning smiles, that if anything happened to Levi, we would automatically be involved in the family.
I mean, they did laugh and say, “We’re joking! Look at your little faces!” when Sunny went deathly pale. But there was definitely truth behind their words.
Being Levi’s friend was… challenging at first.
Tom and I were in his room studying for finals, and an alarm went off, flooding Levi’s room in red light.
I had zero idea where it was coming from, but it locked all the doors and windows, forcing the Costella residence into temporary lockdown. Levi didn't seem fazed, casually mentioning his parents were taking care of it.
He had a whiteboard set up in his room, and was standing in front of it, cramming all of our textbook notes into one easily digestible drawing.
Levi wasn't just smart.
He was Ivy League smart, so we had struck gold with him.
His family were questionable, and yes, sometimes I did fear for my life, but as the more time we spent at his house, the Costella household became a second home. We got used to the alarms.
I just brought along ear plugs.
I wish I was writing this post about Levi’s family, and sure, they are a factor in what is going on right now, but I want to preface this by saying the events below involve the 2024 scholastic decathlon final in our town with the school’s listed:
Starbrook High School.
Ratcliffe High School.
Please note, the incident that took place last night was immediately covered up, and all phone footage was destroyed. Our town is mostly out of the way, and does not show up on Google searches.
We also have our own version of the academic decathlon, which is a more town-level competition, due to lacking funds. The four of us were desperate to start competing with our schools.
So, we started taking things a little more seriously.
We got a coach.
Mr Hanes, who was hesitant at first.
In his words, “You will hate me as your coach.”
He started by recruiting more members, announcing, “If you want to be taken seriously as an actual club, then I'll be taking the reins from now on.”
He did, and with our teachers guidance (and sometimes brutal honesty), we reached a level where we could start competing with other school’s in town. Now, none of us knew this, but Mr Hanes was obsessed with winning.
So, club meetings were twisted into two hour study sessions with no talking, followed by Mr Hanes Jeaprody, which was Jeaprody, without the actual fun.
We were quizzed multiple times, answer cards and practise questions quite literally thrown directly in our faces.
I hate to admit this (I really hate to admit this) but Mr Hanes’s tactics worked. Sure, we had been mildly brainwashed by our slightly unhinged coach, but with Levi Costella, we destroyed our competitors. Like I said, our town held their own version of the academic scholastic decathlon, but it was pretty much the same, with some changes.
Ten subjects. Language and Literature, Math, Social Science, Economics, Art, Music, Interview, Speech, and Essay.
Unlike the official Decathlon, ours was more like a game show, with the ability to be knocked out if a team member answers a question wrong. Whoever answers the most questions correctly wins. Team meet ups were either tests, study sessions, or quizzing each other.
Which leads me to last night.
The finals were held in the reigning champions, Ratcliffe High School’s, auditorium.
And we were about to win our town’s Scholastic Decathlon 2024 Championships.
Well…I was knocked out in the music section. Standing next to my coach who I was sure was going to asphyxiate from excitement, I could smell the sudden potent stink of lemon. I tried to ignore it at first, but the more questions my team were answering correctly, the smell got worse, suffocating my senses.
This wasn't just lemon. The stink was like a burning, singing smell trickling into my nose and the back of my throat.
It was stronger than what Alex smelled like.
This was suffocating, drowning my thoughts.
“Are you okay, Cassandra?”
Mr Hanes nudged me when a Ratcliffe girl was struggling to answer a question, only for Sunny to jump in with the answer. “You look quite pale.”
I nodded, forcing a smile.
My gaze was on the Ratcliffe coach, a scary looking blonde woman, whispering in one of her student’s ears.
The Ratcliffe kid freaked me out. He was way too tall, dark blonde hair, and bulging eyes I swear were not blinking.
His gaze was glued to Levi, who wore a smug grin.
There was a smaller girl next to the Ratcliffe kid, a Macbook balanced on her knee. Every so often, he leaned into her, the two of them in deep conversation.
“I'm just nervous.”
I jumped when Ratcliffe scored a point, their side erupting into cheers.
During the break, we had a mini team meeting.
Sunny rushed to the bathroom to freshen up, and I noticed a Ratcliffe girl with a bouncing ponytail following her.
Ignoring our coach’s speech, I joined the two girls in the corridor, that lemony scent hanging thick in the air.
I caught them in an awkward position.
The Ratcliffe girl had her fingers pinched between the material of Sunny’s dark blue shirt bearing our school’s name.
Sunny looked confused, her lips parted like she was going to yell.
Ponytail dropped her hand, suddenly, with a nervous laugh. “Oh! I'm so, so, sorry,” she gushed. “You had, like, the biggest spider crawling on your back.”
Sunny caught my eye, shooting me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” She made sure to keep her distance. “Uh, where's your bathroom?”
The Ratcliffe girl nodded down the hallway. “It's just down there. I'm going there too if you want me to show you?”
Sunny motioned for me to go back to the auditorium. “Uh, sure! That'd be great!”
I did try to follow them, only for Sunny to cough loudly.
I took the hint, reluctantly heading back into the auditorium.
My team was hyping each other up, Levi in the centre, sweating through his team shirt. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “I can't do this,” He groaned. “Ratcliffe High is known to play dirty, man. They're unbeatable.”
“In what way do they play dirty?” I asked, joining them.
Levi gulped down water, shrugging.
“I dunno! They're already trying to distract me with the stink eye.” The boy narrowed his eyes at a grinning Ratcliffe kid who, after noticing our stares, jumped to his feet, waving at us.
“Hey guys!”
“That's Harry Cartwright, the son of the Cartwright family who tried to kill my parents in the third grade.” Levi mockingly waved back. “As you can see, their kid is a fucking sociopath.”
Huh. I wasn't expecting the smiley kid to be the mobster’s son.
Harry Cartwright was not what I expected.
Unlike his team members, he was the only one in casual clothing, a short sleeved white shirt and jeans, a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head.
Tom went pale.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “He’s one of you? Then those bastards will have a reason to play dirty, right?”
Levi shrugged, averting his gaze. It was the first time I saw his eyes darken, like he was subtly telling the boy to back off.
“The Cartwright’s have been trying to buy our land for a while,” he muttered. “I wouldn't put it past them to use the Decathlon as a way to attack.”
“Attack?!” April, another member of our team, hissed. “Like, attack attack?”
Mr Hanes grabbed the boy, resting his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “Ignore them,” he said. “Hey. Look at me.”
Levi did, raising a brow.
“You're losing that spark in your eye, young man.”
“Spark?”
Our coach nodded. “Look at me, kid.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “I am looking at you, Mr Hanes.”
The man was shaking. I was guessing his whole career (or coaching career) was on the line.
“They know they're losing, Mr Costella.”
Hanes shook the boy, squeezing his shoulders. “You are being positive and Ratcliffe doesn't like that. They want you to be nervous. They want to make you second guess yourself and lose confidence. Don't let them get into your head.” he smiled, giving the boy a playful shove. “Kick their asses.”
“Exactly!”
I didn't realize Sunny was back from the bathroom.
The faint smell of lemons had followed her. I noticed a wet patch on her shirt collar, though she was quick to smile at me, admitting she'd spilled water down herself. Sunny wrapped her arms around Levi, squeezing him into a hug.
She hung on for a little too long, Tom dragging her away with a laugh. “Good luck, all right?” she backed away, ruffling his hair. “We’ve got this!”
When I hugged Levi good luck too, I had to resist covering my nose.
The smell of lemon was unbearable, just like fourth grade Alex.
But it wasn't as potent as earlier.
I vaguely remembered the smell starting to fade once Alex’s body was being carted away on a stretcher.
Following my captain through the crowd, I was right. The smell was less suffocating. Before he went back to the stage, I grabbed the back of his shirt.
The material was soaking wet.
“How are you so wet?” I said, swiping my hands on my shirt.
“Huh?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. Do you remember what I told you in sophomore year?”
Levi settled me with a confident, but nervous smile. “Thaaaat you're scared of clowns?”
“No. I mean the boy who smelled of lemons.” I gritted out.
Levi surprised me with a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
Levi did know what I was talking about. He brought up my stink sense a day earlier in front of his parents, and I had to cover his mouth to shut him up.
Leaning close, I whispered in his ear. “You stink of rotten lemons.”
He nodded slowly, pulling away. “Uh… thanks?”
I bit back a hiss of frustration. “No, you don't understand what I'm saying–”
“Starbrooke High School,” The host announced. “Can all members please return to the stage.”
Levi held up his hand for a high five.
“Can we do this later?” He winked. “I'm kinda busy carrying this spelling-bee on my back right now.”
I nodded shakily, high fiving him, and letting him jump back onto the stage.
Before his words hit like a tidal wave, ice cold water slammed into me.
Spelling Bee?
Slowly making my way back to the stands, Levi’s mistake was circling around my head. He did win a spelling bee, but that was in middle school.
Thankfully, the smell of lemons was gone when I returned to my seat.
Mr Hanes handed me a soda. “Chill out, Cassandera, it's just a game.”
He could talk. The guy was on his fifth coffee.
Mr Hanes was not chilled out in the slightest.
Surprisingly, the event went well. I was half expecting my team to be crushed by the rafters, or caught in a blaze started in the crowd. But we were doing well. No, we were winning.
Reaching the climaxing round, Sunny choked against a smug Ratcliffe boy, joining me on the sidelines.
Levi answered the next question with a confident smile.
We were winning, but Ratcliffe could still catch up with a miracle.
The second to last question was to Ratcliffe, and it was general knowledge.
”Where on the human body would one find the *orbit?*
I knew the answer, and so did Levi, his lips breaking out into a smile when the Ratcliffe boy was hesitating, eyes wide.
Our school’s buzzer went off, Levi slamming his hand down.
Bzzz!
The host turned to our team. “Starbrooke, can I have your answer?”
Levi nodded, shooting our team a victory grin.
“It's…!“ He opened his mouth to answer, his jaw slackening suddenly.
The boy’s shoulders slumped.
“Uh… “
“Um…”
“Huhhhhh…”
Levi inclined his head, blinking, his eyes glazing over. There was a sudden, hollow vacancy that sent chills down my spine. It was like someone had reached into his skull, and yanked out his brain, leaving a shell in his place.
To my confusion, our team captain frowned at his buzzer like he'd never seen one before. He pressed it, exploding into child-like giggles.
Bzzz!
The audience laughed along nervously.
Tom nudged me. “What the fuck is he doing?”
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Levi’s entire body was slumped, his hand slamming down on the buzzer.
I caught something pooling down his chin.
“Is he… drooling?” I whispered.
Mr Hanes looked mildly horrified. “Has he been drinking?
“Levi?” Tom spluttered. “Drinking?!"
Whatever we were watching, however, was definitely influenced by… something.
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz!
“Young man, that is not a toy!”
The host wasn't amused. “Starbrooke High School, I need an answer from you,” He nodded to Levi, who was pressing the buzzer, his smile growing.
“Once again,” The host backed away, like Levi was contagious. “Where on the human body would one find the Orbit?”
Levi cocked his head, lips parted.
His gaze found the overhead lights, and he winced, his lips curling into a frown.
“Starbrooke High School!”
Levi jumped, tipping his head back and blowing a raspberry. “Palm tree?”
The audience laughed, and I started feeling nauseous.
Across from us, I could see the twist of a smirk on the Ratcliffe coach’s lips.
Bzzz! Levi slammed the buzzer again giggling.
“Starbrooke High School, if your team member continues to act like this, I will be forced to disqualify all members.”
Our captain stopped, gaze glued to the host, his hand creeping towards the buzzer, like it was a big red button.
The audience loved it, laughing like they were watching a sitcom.
“He wouldn't.” Tom whisper-shrieked.
The auditorium was silent for a moment, awaiting Starbrooke’s response.
Levi stuck out his tongue, slamming his hand down.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz–
When Tom dragged Levi away from his podium, a Ratcliffe girl hit her buzzer.
“Starbrooke High School, you are disqualified,” the host announced. “Ratcliffe High School, do you have an answer?”
It was Ponytail who nodded with a grin.
“The answer is the eye socket! The Orbit is part of the eye socket!”
“That is the correct answer.” The host was distracted, his eyes glued to Levi.
“Ratcliffe High School wins.”
Levi jumped when the Ratcliffe wide erupted into cheers.
His eyes were wide, clinging onto the buzzer for comfort.
Next to me, our coach looked like he was going to faint.
I barely noticed Ratcliffe’s victory, too busy watching our team captain, who was Harvard bound, tipping his head back and smiling at the ceiling like a new-born baby. Tom dragged the stumbling boy over to me, his mouth twisted.
“This was Ratcliffe, right?” He hissed, shaking our captain, who was struggling, squirming in his grip.
“Did they put something in his drink?!” He prodded Levi. “Hey! What did they do to you?!”
Still, though, drugging his drink didn't make sense.
Levi never left the auditorium, and kept his water bottle with him the whole time.
How did they even manage to slip something into his drink in the first place?
Did I smell our competitors drugging him?
Sure, intentionally inebriating my teammate was morally wrong and illegal, but why could I smell lemon?
“I doubt it was Ratcliffe.” Sunny squeezed next to me. “I've been watching them. They're harmless.”
“Then how the fuck do we explain this to his parents?!” Tom whispered, grappling with Levi, who was fighting to get back to the buzzer.
When Tom let go of him, he dropped onto the floor, crawling over to his podium. It was like watching a child.
Who was determined to piss off the adults.
Levi jumped back to instead feet, his gaze was glued to the host, a smile curved on his lips, when he slammed the buzzer again.
Bzzz!
“Someone, please remove the Starbrooke boy from the stage!”
I was embarrassed, our whole team ducking our heads as our captain was forcibly removed from the podium.
Mr Hanes grabbed Levi, pulling him off of the stage.
I expected our coach to be mad at him, but I think the teacher was more worried, a phone pressed to his ear while he forced the boy into a sitting position.
No, I don't think it's influence from alcohol, I could hear his conversation.
Levi kept trying to get up, mesmerised by the buzzer. The teacher was firm but gentle. “Hey. Sit down, all right? Keep still.” He went back to his phone call, gently prying Levi’s eyes open.
From what I can see, there's nothing wrong. He's just kind of…
Mr Hanes swiped his own hands on his jeans. ... wet?
Team Ratcliffe came over to rub it in our faces, though I was still tuned into our coach’s hissed whispering.
Water? No, I don't think it's water. It smells… no, I haven't told his parents…
“You guys did awesome!” Ponytail's voice was sugary sweet. Too sugary.
She held the 2024 trophy, bearing a satisfied smile. I noticed the Ratcliffe members were surrounding Harry, like guards.
“Better luck next time, okay?” She held out her hand, her eyes twinkling.
“No hard feelings?”
“Control your dog.” Harry said, amused eyes flicking to Levi, who was once again sprinting back to the fucking buzzer. His eyes had visibly darkened, lips curled into a triumphant smile.
Harry Cartwright was watching Mr Hanes chase our team captain like it was his own personal entertainment.
I had to look away before I died of second hand embarrassment.
“What did you put in his drink?” Tom demanded. “Weed? Edibles?” the boy attempted to shove Harry, only to be pushed back. “What the fuck did you do to him?”
Harry’s smile didn't waver. “Like I said. Control your mut.”
When the Ratcliffe team walked away, our red faced coach struggling with Levi, who was behaving progressively more erratically, informed us we were longer welcome inside the school.
Tom suggested calling an ambulance, but our coach was hesitant.
We all knew who Levi’s family were.
On the way out, Tom matched my stride. He was frowning at our team captain struggling to walk.
The way he was acting was already eyebrow raising.
But walking at an angle and being unable to stand up straight was worrying.
“I don't think they drugged his drink.” Tom muttered.
We pushed through the doors out of the school, and I revelled in the cool night air grazing my cheek. “If they did, he would be acting out of it, right? So, what's the deal with him acting like–”
“A child.” I finished for him.
“Yeah.” Tom leaned closer. “Do you think this has something to do with their turf war?”
I slapped at a bug creeping across my cheek.
Levi fell over again, this time bursting into giggles.
“Almost definitely.”
Levi was right about Ratcliffe playing dirty. I didn't realize how dirty until we were on the losers bus home. Levi was in the seat next to me, and the kid hadn't moved since we left Ratcliffe, his eyes wide, lips pulled into a dazed grin.
Bzzz!
The noise startled me from slumber. I was drooling, my head pressed against the window. Outside, the sky was pitch dark, and squinting through the glass, I couldn't get a bearing on where we were. I thought I was hearing things, but when I sat up, I heard it again.
Bzzz!
It was close.
Leaning over the boy, I glimpsed a smear of scarlet on his headrest.
I choked on my next words.
“Tom.”
Tom was in front of me, listening to music.
He didn't reply, his head of dark blonde curls nodding to the beat.
“Levi.” I managed to get out. I prodded him, and his head lolled into his shoulder. “Hey. Can you… sit up?”
Bzzz! Bzzz!
When the boy didn't move, I gently grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward myself, something contracting in my stomach.
I don't know how long it takes for your mind to fully register something, but my body was already reacting.
Levi’s seat was infested with bugs, eating their way through the upholstery. I was aware of my body moving back. I threw up, instantly, screaming into my hand.
The back of my best friend's skull resembled a deflated soccer ball, what was left of his brain leaking from his skull where a swarm of skittering bugs chewed their way through brain tissue, metallic legs scratching the curved, pearly white of the base if his skull.
Levi’s head hung, his body flopping into mine.
But his eyes were still open, lips still stretched into a smile.
Blood ran in thick rivulets from his nose and ears.
Bzzz!
I could see them, black writhing dots alive in his eyes, wriggling movement under his skin.
“Tom!”
I jumped up, stumbling into the aisle, my stomach heaving.
And it was only when I was on my knees, swiping bile from my lips, when I realized the others weren't reacting.
Tom wasn't moving.
I pulled an Airpod out of his ear, a long, slithering string of pink attached to the end.
There was a stray bug skittering across his hand, his face starting to twitch and writhe.
Moving back, I checked myself over, my hands shaking.
Head.
Shoulders.
Hair.
Clawing through it, my breath was stuck in my throat.
Arms.
Legs.
Feet.
Mr Hanes was slumped against the window, a reddish froth bubbling from his mouth.
Sunny.
I started towards the back of the bus, but all I had to see was her bowed head, half of her skull chewed through.
Sunny was in a far more deteriorated state, her face had been ripped through, a skeletal smile glinting in the dim.
The thick black smear on the window next to her was moving.
When I screamed for the driver to stop the bus, he ignored me.
If anything, he stamped on the gas.
I moved forward to shake him, before glimpsing a bug creeping down his face.
Calling 911, the operator laughed at me.
“Bugs are eating your friends.” He said. “Do you know the penalty for calling with bullshit pranks?”
The bus didn't stop, so I stayed at the front, while the bugs took over the back, eating through my teammates.
After four hours, I risked leaning over the seat next to Tom to check on Levi.
They were eating him.
Chewing all the way through skin, muscle and bone.
I tried to stop the bus, but the driver’s hands were tightly wrapped around the wheel.
Another hour, and blood was seeping down the aisle, crawling with bugs.
Levi was gone, and in his place, a buzzing skittering pile of bugs, that I thought were going to move to a second victim, maybe burrowing into the seats.
But, no.
These things began to tremble, replicating.
Building.
Slowly, nothing became static, and static became muscle.
Then bone.
Then flesh.
When a body began to slowly form, moulded from the dead boy, I stumbled back.
These things weren't eating Levi Costella.
They were rewriting him.
…
Edit: I'm still on the bus. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm infected with whatever this thing is. I can't stop fucking itching.
I keep picking them off me but they won't stop. This bus isn't going to stop until I'm like the others.
…
Edit 2:
I can feel them chewing into my skull. They're in my ears. I keep spitting them out. Please, someone get them off of me. Help me. I don't want to die at 17.
Edit 3:
Still alive. Still breathing. Maybe they're leaving me alone????? I think I'm okay. There is a pile of bugs at my feet, but they're crawling off of me.
Edit 4:
Levi really wants to go home. Like, he just told me he REALLY wants to go home. He's got a gift for his parents.
I have a feeling I know what it is.