Hey reddit bit of a weird/sad one for ya today. Just a throwaway account and I might end up deleting all this within the week.
Sorry if I get ramble-y and all over the place I'm just shooting off my stream of consciousness. Sorry for the trauma/info dump and any grammaspelling errors.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and we've just started getting more touchy and intimate over the past month or so.We've talked a bit about intimacy the past few months but I have a few personal issues with it.When I dated my ex of 4 years he was pretty pushy about sexual stuff cause we were in a long distance relationship and he was just a touchy physical guy in general, and I've been a good little church girl all my life with no experience.
We did a lot of stuff I probably wasn't ready for. When we first met in person we just went right to making out and oral but no intercourse. This was consensual but looking back I was probably too shy to say no...I haven't been in the best mind space anyway the past few months I guess and haven't been turned on by anything me and my partner have done. I feel more romantic attraction than sexual, but lately there has been a lack of emotion on my side of things. I don't feel anything when we kiss, i just feel like im there, kissing him. As sad as that is to say. It hurts writing that out because i desperately want to feel something, anything. When I'm alone I have no problem getting myself off, I probably prefer it. I like the fantasy of it more than the physicalness. But I just shut down when I get with a partner.
I have a lot of brain blocks from religion (the classic repressed church girl saving herself for marriage blah) I'm still a virgin. I highly doubt I'm ever going to have sex with him honestly... it's not even a marriage thing, at this point I don't care if I get married or not. I'm not sure if I trust anyone enough with my body to feel good or get over the mental barrier that keep me from enjoying sexual things with a partner.
Which brings me to two questions.
Am I some kind of asexual?
Or just low-key traumatized from past pushy experiences?
Or both? (probably :/ )
Well... I mean I definitely don't feel asexual... I believe I have a fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment style. (Self diagnosed)
Fast forward to now with my current boyfriend, he's very kind, sweet and all around gentlemen. He makes me feel safe and happy. I haven't told him much about my ex cause I just want to leave the past in the past.
But I guess over this past month I've just been like low-key triggered when he asks me to touch him?Which brings me to tonight. We were making out for a while and he asks me to touch him and I just can't get into it. I didn't want to say no to him and ruin the mood, I want him to be happy.
Now that im thinking about it I'm started to repeat some of the behaviour I did with my ex... but im more aware of what im doing now... I am a people pleaser, but it's also just a hand job right? Big whoop. The first time I did it I felt a little grossed out when he finished... and the same thing happened tonight when he finished but I felt disgusted and almost gagged by the feeling and texture of it all... I cant get into it mentally. But hey he thanked me and was satisfied right?
No he hasn't asked to make me feel good or anything, I wouldn't ask that of him because it's too embarrassing and I don't think I could get into it... I don't understand why I would be so disgusted enough to hold back and almost gag.
I don't have a strong gag reflex, I had a dog before and never minded picking up after him or cleaning up my baby cousins vomit.
So am I just doomed and ruined to never enjoy sexual stuff reddit? I want to make my partner happy but it shouldn't come of the cost of me feeling the need to push past what I think and feel and need in that moment.
I said yes to a lot of things in the past with my ex because that's what girlfriends do yadda yadda and I'm gonna have to deal with this real soon and have a talk with my boyfriend about why this is a problem for me...
I uh realize this is probably a good talk to have with a therapist about "sexual trauma" and "repression/suppression" and all that fun stuff but that's not really an option at the moment, so I turn to you reddit experts for advice haha. (Yes I realize yall aren't trained professionals but the only people i can turn to atm)
I probably know the answers to what yall are gonna say but any advice would be cool I guess. I can reply to comments below and might update and edit within the week

The other day my partner and I were hanging out, as they are wont to do, and later in the evening I had to be at an art opening of a good friend of mine. We were both tired after a long day but I felt it my duty as a friend to go (I didn't not want to go, but it would have been a 3 hour drive to and from) and I wanted to support them. I am an artist as well, and openings are often overwhelming and kind of a drag, a sentiment my partner and I are both share, but this was one I felt I needed to go to, and I made mention of that a multiple days prior to my partner. I knew her agreement to go was reluctant, given her tepid response, so I told her "you're not obligated to go so don't feel like you should". She remained steadfast in her decision. Come the day, and I told her again, you really don't have to come but she got ready and was willing to tag along, basically to commiserate, but then she got a text from another friend of hers, a guy whom I've only met once, and I like well enough from what little I know, and hes her only friend out where she lives, Inviting her to a child's birthday party, and while I'm getting to my car I hear her audibly moan, and I ask her whats up, to which she tells me that this friend asked if she wanted to come to this party. For context, this party was like one of those cool adults with kids party, they had a DJ and all in an odd setting, in reality the makings of a could be fun, could be annoying situation. She had mentioned he texted her about this party earlier in the day and thought it would've been cool to go. Seeing how obviously she wanted to go to that party, I told her again, "You really don't have to go to this opening, if you want to go to this party you can.". She told me she wanted to come for support, considering how annoying openings can be, but really wanted to go to this party, and said she would rather go with me, but with an obvious tone of ambivalence. It was glaringly clear she wanted to go to that party, and while I would've enjoyed her company, I felt I'd rather her have fun that subject her to a potentially draining social affair, so I told her I wouldn't be mad if she went to the party. The sort of classic partner conundrum it felt like. I was convicted in my feeling of her doing her thing and I would just go and come back without her, and so that decision was made. She was to go to the party, and I would go to the opening. She asked me if I was fine with that decision and I told her yes, but I felt a little dismayed, and I knew my voice and face betrayed me from presenting otherwise. We parted ways and on the drive I gradually felt more and more bothered by her choosing to go to the children's party. I started over thinking a bunch of things, which felt more like anxious conclusions than logical reasoning, but I continued to get more and more upset that she chose that odd event than going to this opening with me. we haven't seen each other much lately due to the nature of her job, so I figured if I were in her position I would've gone to the opening regardless, but that's just me. either way, as I kept driving, I decided I would curb my social anxiety and just make it a good time no matter what, and yet I continued to get more and more upset by her decision. I think it stems from some deeper feeling about her relationship with this friend and choosing that over an event we both tend to loathe, and I did implore her to stay and have a better chance at a more entertaining evening. But I know in my heart of hearts I wished she would've come along with me, but I'm upset for not being more honest about it. Ultimately I ended up having a really lovely time with friends at the opening and at the after party but I wished my partner had come, and now I feel like a dick head being upset at her decision. I guess I just would like to get the temperature of how irrational I am probably being.

Paid ads business models / products that are lowkey fire - from a $10M marketer
Hey guys, I used to work at a private equity marketing agency that bought, scaled, and sold DTC e-commerce, SAAS, info & digital product online brands and I was a media buyer. I have over $10M worth of spend under my belt for clients, and have worked with multiple 7-8 figure online companies.
No I’m not looking to sell you anything so don’t assume that I’m making this post for that reason.
I am trying to build a network of like minded people and am focused on building an engaged community with the same goals to help each other and stuff.
I’ve had the luxury of being able to see many different business models by working for a P.E agency. I will share some businesses I saw and you can do what you want with that info

1 - $100M a year self cooling bedsheet brand

When I tell you self cooling bedsheets had the highest revenue I’ve seen of any ecom store I am not exaggerating. It was f*cking baffling how much money these mfs were making by selling self cooling bedsheets.
The craziest part is that they did it all thru paid ads. I was stunned looking at the backend of the Shopify account and seeing these numbers. The reason a product like self cool bedsheets works so well is because of a few things:
A) Broad TAM (total addressable market) This means they can sell to a broader range of people. The more people you can sell to for e com the better.
Their AOV (average order value) was $110 as well. So not only are they targeting a broad audience, but they have really good margins
I think another reason why this product / brand is doing so well is because of timing as well. They exited in 2018, but really blew up during 2020 when everyone was home.
F it I’ll name drop. They’re called Miracle brand. Go study their LP and ads. Their LP is really high converting like 5-7%. Their offer is amazing (3 free towels with your bedsheets) and the CRO is fully optimized.

2 - subscription based Digital Assets

This one is really good, but super niche. The company basically sells digital editing assets that go with editing software like Davinci, IMovie, and whatever other editing softwares there are
They have 100% profit margins on the product and they offer a subscription. Their AOV is $60 per month and people actually subscribe because they know that these digital assets are really really good and it will save them time when editing. They were doing $2-$3M per year in revenue on a 100% margin product which is now offered as a subscription. I believe the overall margins on the business was like 70-80% they had low overhead.
These mfs are absolutely PRINTING. It’s not easy to make really good digital editing assets either so it’s hard to replicate. The #1 thing when buying or selling a business is margins. Their business if an easily be sold for 7-9x because of big margins, big AOV, and the MRR (monthly recurring revenue). On average businesses sell for 3-6x in the DTC (direct to consumer) e commerce space, but when you add a subscription model and it’s a digital product, you double the valuation of your company
Like I said, I am just sharing business models I’ve seen that were absolutely amazing!

3 - Sticker company

This one I think surprised me the most. These guys were selling a subscription for you to get a pack of custom anime stickers every single month.
Yup, you get high quality anime stickers every single month. This business wasn’t doing $1M but they did take in 6-figs. The reason this model is smart is because the margins are really good. It only costs like $0.50 USD to make a full pack of these custom stickers and you add $3-$4 for shipping. Their AOV was like $25-$30.
I think this business worked well because it caters to a strong fan base of people who love anime. Personally I like avatar and one piece but there’s a lot of anime super fans who would love to subscribe to a sticker club that sends you a custom pack of cool stickers of your favorite anime. Not sure how the legal side of it worked.
Comment what you think, and let me know if you have any questions. Half of these business models were very surprising and to this day it’s hard to believe that they work so well.
Feel free to also share good business models you’ve seen. There’s a lot more I can share but these stand out the most

In less than 15 hours, Josh Hart and OG Anunoby will join the Knicks team, launching the largest game 7 in the history of Knicks fans. Knicks fans, those words should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. Whether we prefer the Josh Hart challenge guy, cool wife guy, tattoo guy, the Gengar Knicks n Tims guy, or these hoodie cats👀, we will be united in our common interest, finally seeing the Knicks make it to the conference championship...many of us for the first time in our lifetimes or the first time we can remember. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 20th of May, and we will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression or persecution, but from annihilation. We’re fighting for our right to live, to EXIST. And should we WIN the day, the 20th of May will be known as the day when the Knicks declared in one voice, WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT! We will not vanish without a FIGHT! We’re going to MOVE ON! We’re going to SURVIVE. Today, we celebrate our GAME 7!!!!!!!
https://youtu.be/K-M7lxDLUs4?si=N7vJSIKChur-YLPF

Hi guys, I'm here to ask around if any of u guys is currently looking for an apartment to rent, or just a room both are fine, I want to change apartment so I need to find a replacement bc I have a contract.
So, in details it's situated in North Dunedin, Lachlan Avenue it's kinda close to the uni like 10 min walk around that... I don't have pictures but if anyone is interested im just going to put u into contact with the landlady its that easy and it's supposed to be quick... she's really cool so if u really need a place I would certainly say u could take this one as guaranteed.
Thank u for ur time anyway 🫡✨

For a little context, I (26F) matched with this guy on tinder (28M) we matched a couple of times since I’m very indecisive about using dating apps, he initiated the conversation over tinder both times and the second time we matched he finally asked for my number, he called me and we talked on the phone, he then texted me a couple days later and we texted back and forth all night. He’s a single dad and I’m a single mom. He said he would like to take our kids to the arcade and get some food or something as a first date idea. Anyways it’s been a few days since we’ve talked and I want to reach out but I’m afraid that will come off desperate or I’m bothering him? Do guys mind if a girls texts first or should I play it cool wait for him to reach out to me?

Ey, dudes. Hope you’re having a good one! Don’t have anywhere else to celebrate, but I want to share the awesome time I’ve been having, so here I am. :)

• Just got my associate degree. Took me several years, mostly because of mental health struggles, but I didn’t even think I’d go to college. I’m transferring to an acclaimed, trans-inclusive university in the fall. So, that’s cool.
  
• Next week, I’m meeting will with my endocrinologist to discuss T options. This lady’s great. She asked me if I was comfortable outing myself to another doctor, because she was worried about a condition that he specialized in, but she didn’t push me. She knew about broken arm syndrome. When I asked her to use my dead name around my father (long story), who had driven me, she did. No bigoted interrogation or doubts, just warmth and respect for where I’m at. I’ve heard some horror stories about cis doctors, so this was a welcome experience.
  
• Got these shoes from the men’s section that not only fit with heel grips, but also support my tiny flat feet. These shoes look great. On top of that, my parents got me this watch that complements the shoes. It’s amazing what two accessories can do for a guy’s confidence.
  
• My mom, who’s conservative and openly hated my being trans for years, is defaulting to the men’s section when we go shopping. She respects me starting T, even if she’s anxious about it. She uses male pronouns for me, here and there, despite me not explicitly asking her to. She’s come a long way.
  
• I pass more often now, to the point that most strangers—including the barber—gender me correctly. My voice, thighs, baby hands, and height (5’2”) are the only major giveaways, and even then, they don’t always mess things up for me.
  
• I’ve been getting extremely masculine haircuts. I’m pre-T and was anxious about not passing, so I’m stoked about the implication. Used to hate my hair and throw it back into a ponytail, too, so it feels great to like my hair for a change.
  
• I’ve got a teen-boy, dollar-store ripoff of the Gomez Addams stache. I’m also as hairy as my dad and brother. Apparently, this is because my DHEA level is 487 ug/dL (PCOS) on its own, so I’m stoked.
  
• My friends have been great with my name and pronouns. They use them perfectly, quickly adjusted their language to address the change, and affirm often in casual ways. One friend even joked that I was a “classic guy” because I said I preferred what’s convenient to what looks good.
  

Hope this doesn’t come off as bragging. Don’t have much of a community who gets what it’s like to be trans—most of my friends and family are cis—and I’m about to burst with the good news lmao.

I’m a plumber. My new boss is a young Israeli kid. Maybe 23 years old. His daddy gave him a company to run. I don’t think he’s ever had a job in his life. He’s cool tho. We smoke together and all the plumbers do. Super chill family vibes type of company. BUT, he’s got crazy money and still does this annoying thing where he will owe us money (on Saturdays we work off the books and he just sends us cash, to keep his payroll taxes low I’m sure. Yea yea it’s dumb but I don’t plan on retiring here, but maybe another year or so before I fly solo) and just keep delaying it for longer and longer. He always claims he is going to pay in a couple hours… and at this point with me he will now stretch it to like one week.
So I told him I gotta interview elsewhere come Monday, unless I get my money in a couple hours today. Money that’s been owed for a week, that I’ve reminded him 3x already to pay me. He wants to play it off that he’s just a busy pot head guy and it’s not personal but I call bullshit. I make him 1000’s of dollars a day and he can’t knock off my 280$ immediately after owing it to me?
I feel well within my right to tell him what I did today and he did pay me immediately after the text stating I was leaving unless I was paid. My wife thinks I made things not chill but I disagree. Also I’m a plumber and good at my trade. From what I hear I can go wherever I want and everywhere I look they are hiring so wtf. I’m not going to put up with this kids bs. He can grow up on his own time. Now he knows Ill leave if he doesn’t pay me… isn’t that a great thing?

So me and my friend, let’s call her Alice, have had a rough friendship with a lot of ups and downs. Recently, we were added to a group chat with some people we know, but not very well. She had just gotten over her crush, who we’ll call Joseph, and I’d just gotten over mine, “Liam” and like a new guy, “Greg”.
Joseph isn’t the most popular or cool guy than we know, and she’s kind of embarrassed to have liked him.
In the group chat, we were talking about something, (I don’t remember what, and I deleted the chat) but she brought up Greg. She commented on how weak he was.
In response, I said “you can’t be talking, have you SEEN Joseph?” Her and I make jokes all the time like that in group chats, but usually they’re with close friends, which these people are close, just not that close.
Immediately I unsent the message. But I had forgotten than one girl didn’t update her phone and could still see it. Alice also told me that another girl could have seen the message, but I’m not sure.
Alice got mad and privately texted me “IM GOING TO F-ING KILL YOU”
Immediately I apologized, rapidly explaining that I’d forgotten that she didn’t update her phone, but Alice didn’t listen.
Alice knows that letting go is hard for me, and as I’d just gotten over Liam, I didn’t want to jump too quickly into liking Greg.
I understand why she was upset, but she didn’t even unsend the message about Greg, and I feel that her being my best friend should have known that she could’ve done that at least. She was also over Joseph.
We agreed to just take a break from our friendship for about a month, and she agreed.
I feel like both of us are in the wrong, but I’m not sure whose fault it was.
Was that the right thing to do?

Had a guy hop in stinking of weed so I made a joke about it. He said he just bought some and we talked about how I used to smoke and everything was cool. He was laughing and joking with me about smoking. I asked how much does weed cost nowadays since it’s been ten years or more that I quit. He didn’t answer so I asked again and he said I gotta go and hopped out at a red light and ran lol. I guess he thought I was an undercover Lyft cop or something

• (Short story time)

Might be hard to believe, but growing up I had never played a Zelda game (yes people like me exist haha) so I figured better to start late than never. I had recently found and dusted off my old 3DS I found in the back of the closet and took the opportunity to look at old games I missed out on growing up. As I combed through the 3DS' most popular games and people's recommendations, one that kept sticking out was "Ocarina of Time 3D", universally praised and ranked number one on a lot of people's lists. So as someone 26+ years late to the party, I thought I'd finally play my first Zelda game.
So far, I'm loving the game. It's fun and charming, the atmosphere is so nice and immersive, and I finally discovered all the iconic music and sound effects I've heard for YEARS in other stuff LOL. Currently I'm still early on in the game, just landed into the Royal Family's Tomb in Kakariko Village.

• (Main Topic - Me getting stuck)

I've got a huge question though, is the game supposed to be frustrating and hard to follow? I'm no stranger to these types of games and am used to exploring, backtracking and traveling, but I kept getting stuck ALOT.
In the beginning of the game at Kokiri village, I got stuck immediately. I was told to go find a "Sword and Shield" before I could see the great deku tree. So I went to the shop and bought a shield, and then thought "Well they got a stick for sale in here, so maybe that's the make shift sword for now?" but obviously that wasn't it. After running around the village more, I found the entrance to the The Lost woods. Being such a grand opening of an entrance I thought I was supposed to go in there to find a sword. After running around for 15 more minutes and getting lost over and over I realized this wasn't it either. So after running around the village more I found the crawlspace to learn how to dodge the moving boulder and found nothing again? But I figured that couldn't be it so I keep running around in circles and missed the chest THREE times because of the game's camera controls (maybe this is just a 3ds version issue?). Was I supposed to have a hard time finding the first sword? No one told me it would be at the back of town, behind a small crawlspace, past a moving boulder. The only clue I got was "You need a sword and shield to pass through here". I thought it honestly seemed more like a place to find a secret item, rather than an important story piece?
When I progressed to Hyrule Castle to try and see the princess, I got stuck again. During the portion where you have to sneak past the guards, I found the vines growing on the side of the wall. And after sneaking past to the side of the castle, I found an old guy sleeping? He wouldn't wake up no matter how many times I talked to him and I couldn't figure out what to do. So I thought I missed something and went back to town. When I couldn't find anything different in town I went back to the castle and noticed there was a girl named Malon standing next to the vines now. I talked to her and she said her dad fell asleep on his way to the castle during a delivery and asked if I could "wake him up". I thought "ah, now that I've talked to this girl I can wake up that guy". I did think it was really weird how she wasn't there before hand though, shouldn't she have been there the first time I tried to sneak in? Anyway I snuck to the side of the castle again and the guy WOULDN'T WAKE UP. I was super confused why he wouldn't wake up after I talked to Malon. After running around for 10 minutes and finding nothing, I decided to look up a guide. It turns out Malon gives you an egg, but only after you talk to her TWICE. She only gives you the important item you need if you speak to her again, after she finishes talking the first time?? Wouldn't it make more sense for her to say "hey can you wake up my dad if you find him? Also here is an egg" all in one? Why would I need to talk to her two times in a row for the progression item I need? Anyway, I got the egg and snuck past the guards again and when I made it to her dad it hatched into a chicken. I'm going to be real here, I got stuck again lol. I thought I would just talk to Malon's sleeping dad and he would finally wake up and I would give him a chicken as a gift? I knew chickens were animals in Zelda (and that you're never supposed to attack one) but it didn't even occur to me that the chicken in my inventory was an item to be equipped and used to wake up Malon's dad. I had to look at another guide for that one.
My third time getting stuck was after I talked to Zelda for the first time. After I talked to Zelda for the first time, I got to see the cool cutscene and spy on Ganon in the window. Afterwards, I get the Princess note thing and Zelda stops talking to me (I'm free to move around). At this point, I had been playing for over 2 hours so I saved and closed the game. When I came back to it later in the day, I was SUPER CONFUSED why I was back in Kokiri village. After looking it up, I get sent back there every time I save and close the game unless it's a dungeon?? Shouldn't that be a warning when you save?? "Warning, closing your game will have you awake in your bed in Kokiri village the next time you continue". I was really frustrated that I had to run back to Hyrule on foot, sneak past all the guards AGAIN, and then when I talked to Zelda I had to watch the cutscene AGAIN. It only took like 17 minutes, so it wasn't a huge deal but it was really frustrating how saving and closing the game made me lose progress.
The most recent time I got stuck was at the graveyard in Kakariko Village. After entering Kakariko village, I couldn't find anything to do since I couldn't progress into the mountain without the King's permission. I kept hearing about the graveyard though, so I figured that's where I should go next. I found the graveyard at the edge of town and read the gravestones one by one. When I got to the royal family's tomb some ghost popped out and I defeated them. The ghost told me some things and then disappeared afterwards. After that, I thought I was done in the graveyard, no chests, no branching paths, just the graveyard tour which I assumed was a minigame to get some rupees?. My train of thought was, okay so now maybe the king will be in town and I need to find him so he will give me permission to enter the mountain, I'll probably need to play my ocarina for him since Impa said the song will give me credibility for knowing the royal family. Guess who was wrong lol. I spent 30 minutes running around town checking every nook and cranny for something that would progress me forward. I gave up and looked at a guide again. Turns out I needed to play my ocarina at the royal family tomb to progress forward. Was I supposed to know to do that??? Did I miss some dialog at some point that tells me if I see a triforce symbol to play my ocarina on it? No one told me to do that. It seemed obvious when I thought about it, but there wasn't any tutorial or hints from Navi about it.

• (Conclusion)

Am I just incompetent?? Is progression in OOT supposed to be smooth sailing and I'm just fumbling the bag? I'm genuinely confused why I got stuck so many times this early on in the game. It's just really frustrating and disrupts the flow of what would other wise seem like a great story. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to keep playing, I love the gameplay and the visuals so far, plus it's kind of exciting since it's my first Zelda game. But man, is it supposed to be this frustrating for me? Are all Zelda games like this? Or is this just how games were in 1998? Am I just bad at this game? Lol

Hey everyone,
I know Spotify has some great editorials but I’m wondering if you guys have some other great playlists by independent curators. I’d love to give them a listen and check it out. Plus this might be a cool thread for people to check out new country.

TLDR; I'm telling you guys, the easiest way to gender euphoria is joining the mosh pit at a live show! I tend to see live music a lot and usually on my own. It's probably better that way, I can get close and dance like nobody's watching. Its also a great way to meet people! Tonight I was at a heavy rock show alone, and I met a cool group of guys there. Nobody clocked me as trans, I was just one of the guys. There's no gender euphoria like the kind you get in a mosh pit. You can let loose your masculine energy, and you get so much love from other guys. Going to bed with a smile on my face, dont think ive ever felt this accepted before

Hi guys im affy from california. kinda just home alone for the weekend so hmu plsss. need more girlfriends thooo, but if ur cool just text me. also pls upvote if u do text :)

I live in a high rise condo building with a courtyard in the center. The rooms in my condo that face the courtyard are my living room and kitchen, so I never really worried about privacy, I don’t really walk around nude anywhere outside of my bedroom and bathroom, which face the exterior of the building where nobody can see me. I do work from home, so on hot summer days, I often walk around in gym shorts and a sports bra. Athleisure, basically.
This evening, my brother (we’ll call him Dan) went to a housewarming party at his coworker’s new condo (we’ll call him Mike) who happened to move into my building recently. Dan came over to see me afterwards and said “I don’t want to freak you out, but you should keep your blinds closed. Mike lives across the way one floor up and can see you.” I told him not to worry so much, it’s not a big deal if I’m visible from his apartment, sometimes when I’m looking out my window I’ll catch a glimpse of a family eating breakfast or watching tv, and it’s not that I’m looking in, I’m just looking down into the courtyard and that happens to be happening at the same time.
He then told me that it’s not like that. Apparently while he was at Mike’s party, Mike (not knowing that Dan and I are siblings) showed Dan that one of the “cool things” about his new place is that he can watch me from across the way with his binoculars, and that sometimes I work from home in a “skimpy little outfit” (my gym clothes???). Mike even told him he could tell from watching me which videogame I’d been playing recently, which made my skin crawl. Dan told him to stop being a creep and that I was his sister, and Mike told him that if I didn’t want him looking in, I should close my blinds.
I feel really uncomfortable because I love where I live, all my other neighbors are great, and I love my view of the courtyard. I never had a problem until this guy moved in, but now I’m freaked out about keeping my blinds closed. I can’t afford to sell my place and move, but I also can’t live with the blinds closed all the time-that’s nuts.
My brother told me to alert the HOA and the police, but I’m nervous because I don’t have anything in writing to give them, just my brother’s verbal exchange with Mike. I don’t even think they would do anything, but there has to be some kind of law against looking directly into peoples’ windows?? That seems like it shouldn’t be allowed. Does anybody have any suggestions?? I feel completely grossed out that this guy has been watching me when I’m in my kitchen and living room.
Thanks in advance!
TL;DR - creepy neighbor across way in condo building watching me through my windows with binoculars. What do??

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ImDyingRn123
Originally posted to AITAH
AITA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one at my best friends wedding
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: manipulation
Original Post: May 9, 2024
I (25f) have been seeing my now boyfriend (27m), who will call Joe, for about six months now. We made it official three months into dating so I like to say he’s only officially been my boyfriend for three months.
My best friend, who we’ll call Anne, is getting married next month. I’m one of her bridesmaids. It’s a small destination wedding, only about forty close friends and family. The bridal party is set to arrive about four days before the actual wedding to do bachelobachelorette stuff.
The issue came up yesterday morning when my boyfriend started asking what time my flight was for the wedding week. I didn’t think much of it and told him. He came back about ten minutes later and said he’d have to go on a different flight because he couldn’t find one on the same airline or at the same time.
I didn’t understand why he was looking at flights. I asked him if he was planning on going on a solo or guys trip while I was gone since I wouldn’t be around.
He looked confused and then said he was looking for flights for the wedding.
I then proceeded to tell him, trying to be as gentle as possible, that I wasn’t planning on a plus one and the guest list was already finalized. He has only ever met Anne over face time since she lives in a different state from us.
After telling him, he exploded at me. Honestly it was a total 180 from his usual behavior. He said it was insensitive of me to not ask for a plus one because we’d been together for so long now. That I was purposefully excluding him and trying to keep him a secret. He ranted and talked in a circle and I just sat there in shock. What snapped me out of the daze was when he insinuated that I would likely cheat with one of the groomsmen.
Thats when I got up, got my shit, and started walking out of his place. He freaked out even more and said we needed to talk about this and I couldn’t walk out on him. He tried to grab me twice but I shoved him off.
Since I last night, I haven’t spoken to him. he’s been blowing up my phone with calls and texts that I don’t reply to. Even put him on do not disturb because it was so annoying. I was pretty solid in believing I wasn’t TA but one of his best friends got my number and texted me I was being petty and a female dog about everything. That I lead Joe on for six months.
I haven’t talked to anyone about this since I wanted to cool down before I got a second opinion. But now that his friend is texting men, I feel like I handled it all poorly. I know I need space right now but I don’t want to ghost Joe, which his friend implied I’m now doing.
So I’ve come here to get some unbiased opinions. Fellow redditors, I asked you now if i am TA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one to my best friends wedding.
posting this is the other aita sub too
edit: to clarify. we don’t live together. i just spend the night at his place sometimes
edit 2: in our last conversation last night i texted him that i needed some space to breathe to which he then just kept calling and texting
edit 3 because people keep acting like joe is a secret: he has met my other friends. he hasn’t met anne in person because she lives in a different state. across the country to be exact. they’ve only met through face time. i’ve met his parents and friends. he hasn’t met mine because they moved back to mexico two years ago. he has met them over face time.
edit 4: his friend saying lead him on was “leading him to believe he was invited”
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP to multiple comments on why she is not having her boyfriend as her plus one to the wedding

OOP: i accepted the wedding invite long before we met. this wedding invite didn’t just recently happen. + main reason for why i never asked for a plus one is because joe and i had only just started seeing each other when the wedding was being planned. a lot went into it because it’s a destination wedding in europe + i’m not meaning to dismiss it. i’m pointing out that’s why i’m not having a plus one unlike the other groomsmen and bridesmaids. they have been with their partners for years and personally know anne. joe has only ever met her over face time + also there’s a lot more then just buying a ticket. i said earlier that this wedding was planned months before we met. anne planned a lot of things for this wedding that are catered to the fact there’s a limited guest list. again. i would have been fine to explain all this but again. i never got a chance to + this wedding wasn’t a secret. he was even aware of it when we first started seeing each other because i’d just done dress shopping. again. this wedding was very planned out because it is indeed, very small and private in france. he’s also met anne and her fiance over face time, not in person because she’s in a different state. he’s met my other friends as well. he hasn’t met my parents because they live in a different country.

 
Update: May 11, 2024
The general consensus was that I wasn’t TA. Unfortunately the original post got taken down on the main aita sub but is still up on the other. Still posting the update on both though.
Some of y’all had some stuff to say about me saying I need help communicating because I shouldn’t have walked out. Have your opinions, but never let someone scream at you and just sit there and take it. Im realizing thats emotional abuse.
About why I never pushed to have a plus one. When the wedding planning was starting, Joe and I had not met. By the time we met and made things official, the wedding planning was finalized. I never hid the wedding from Joe or the fact it was very small. Someone said “most normal people” plan on bringing their s/o to a wedding. Maybe thats true. But never automatically assume that since your s/o is invited to something, you’ll be going too.
The wedding was heavily pre-planned because again, it’s a destination wedding. Anne is originally from France and primary reason why it’s a destination wedding.
I talked to Anne about this shortly after posting and she agreed that I’m not TA. She said if the roles were reversed, she’d never expect her so of less than a year be invited to an important event.
So, on Friday, I texted Joe asking to meet up Saturday morning to have a discussion about everything.
This morning he tried to get us to meet at my place, but instead, I got him to agree to meet at a local cafe. A lot of you brought up how he tried to grab me and that’s a big sign that he could get more physical in the future. I didn’t want anything to be left to chance.
He got there early and tried to hug me, which I didn’t allow. I got the ick at the thought of him hugging me.
We did a bit of small talk but got pretty much to the point once we sat down.
He did apologize for blowing up but in the same breath said I shouldn’t have left. I countered that he shouldn’t have tried to physically stop me from leaving, twice. He said what else was he supposed to do. That set the tone for the whole conversation.
He went on to say that me just walking away was a “clear indication that I didn’t respect him”. I then pointed out that he was not letting me explain why he wasn’t invited.
This is when we started talking in circles. I told him how the wedding was being planned long before we met. How by the time we mutually agreed to be exclusive, they had everything finalized, especially the guest list. He said I should’ve asked for Anne to change it anyway. I asked him if I ever gave him the impression he’d be attending. He was silent for a while and then admitted he just assumed that since he was now my boyfriend, I would have told Anne to invite me. I told him then wouldn’t I have said something if he was invited in the past three months?
I realized that we weren’t getting anywhere. I told him I wanted to break up. To paraphrase, I said something along the lines of.
“I understand you were hurt that I didn’t invite you. I am sorry that we didn’t have a clearer conversation. I do wish that we could have had a calmer conversation. However, I don’t feel safe in this relationship because of how you reacted. I don’t think this relationship is good for either of us if you feel betrayed and I feel unsafe.”
He didn’t take that well.
Joe’s response was if we broke up, I wasn’t getting my stuff back. I told him I didn’t care. Because honestly? If he wants to keep some of my underwear and used toothbrush, okay.
I then asked him to not have his friends text me too. He then went from pleading to have another chance to accusing me of never wanting him. I just stood up, told him I wished him the best, and left.
Ended up going for a two hour run when I got home because I still felt stressed. Blocked his number, his friends, blocked his instagram, deleted the pictures of us on my feed. Changed my Facebook status to single. Had a cry and have been watching Netflix since.
Something I learned from this your first fight with your partner tells you everything about them. Our first fight told me Joe was explosive. Maybe if he hadn’t blown up, we would still be together. Not gonna dwell on it though. I know it’s good I got out while you can because as a lot of you pointed out, the fact he kept trying to overpower me twice says a lot.
I’m honestly glad I broke it off. As some of you said, it took him six months to show his true colors. Can’t imagine if he did come and then a year later, I find out he’s like this and have to look at wedding photos with a guy who is fine blowing up.
I’m going to stay single for awhile now. I have a wedding to look forward to. My focus is on supporting Anne and making sure she has the best wedding ever. I may update when the wedding happens to let you guys know how it goes and if Joe tried anything else.
Thank you again to everyone for their opinions.
Relevant Comments
OOP on staying away from her ex-boyfriend

OOP: thank you ❤️ i do have a dog and a roommate so that’s some extra security already. the roommate and i talked before about getting a ring camera but this experience and other comments have solidified us getting one

 

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THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

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