I am going to clear this right now and say yes, I am pro-choice, she would be the one growing a baby inside her so she has the right to make whatever choice she wants. At the same time, anyone has the right to end a relationship whenever and for whatever reason they want.
This is going to be a long story, my apologies in advance.
Onto the actual story, my ex-girlfriend Jas (25F) and I (24M) were together for two years. We had an amazing relationship. It just felt like we understood each other perfectly. We’re both Punjabi-Canadian/American currently living on the west coast so there are some cultural stigmas at play here that we overcame. My parents absolutely loved Jas and basically considered her to be a daughter. Her parents and siblings were amazing and very welcoming to me. When we wanted to move in together, literally no one objected and while some people in our community criticized the move, our parents didn’t care. Anyway, last week, I was away on a trip for work and came home Friday evening. I got her parents’ blessing to propose before I left and my plan was to take her to our spot, the highest point of a hill that oversees our city, on Saturday and ask her to marry me. I had a few of our friends get to the spot about 30 minutes before us to take some pictures.
Saturday:
When we get there, I propose, Jas starts crying, I think it’s happy crying, she gets down on her knees, hugs me, and says she has to tell me something. Turns out she found out she was pregnant the day I left for the trip and took an abortion pill the next day. Everyday for the last three months, Jas has been telling me she can’t wait for us to become parents and experimenting with what our kids are going to be named. So now, she finds out she is pregnant and we are going to be parents, she decides to not even tell me that she was pregnant and gets an abortion. We talked every single day while I was away so she had every chance to tell me 1) she was pregnant, 2) she wanted to get an abortion, 3) she got an abortion. Obviously, the choice to keep or abort the baby is hers but she chose to hide it. On top of that, were those three months of her fantasizing about becoming parents and starting a family a lie? All the trust I had in her was lost in that moment.
One of her friends came over to where we were talking and asked if everything was ok. Jas told her that we needed to talk and everyone should leave. I didn’t really know what to say and I just held Jas’ hand and we walked back down to my car and drove home. She was crying and begging me to talk the whole way. I just asked her two questions. Why hide the pregnancy from me? Why get an abortion? My initial guess was that she was afraid of what our parents would say (fair enough) about having a baby before marriage but I was so wrong.
She said she told her parents the night she found out and they were supportive of whatever she chose to do. She admitted that she lied to her parents that she told me. Anyway, she also told her best friend Lily (who did not show up to the hilltop proposal which I thought was weird but didn’t think too much of it) and asked for her advice. Lily told her that I was cheating (I have never cheated) and she should abort the baby as she didn’t deserve to be tied to me for 18 years. Jas didn’t believe her but said she would get a PI to look into me and get an abortion in the meanwhile. By the time we got home, I knew the full truth and decided that our relationship was done. She hid that she was pregnant from me, she hid getting an abortion, she lied to her parents about telling me, on top of that, she trusted her friend more than me and decided to have a PI look into me.
The love I had for Jas was gone. I calmly told her that we were done and asked her to pack her things and be gone by the next morning (it’s my apartment since before we met and her parents live 20 minutes away and she has her own car) and left to go stay in a hotel room for the night. She begged me to not leave her and try to see things from her angle. I had texts and calls from our friends asking what happened but I didn’t respond to anything. I just ate and fell asleep.
Sunday:
I go back home the next morning and see she hasn’t packed anything. We have the exact same conversation as the day before. I tell her that she has two options. She can either pack her things and leave on her own or I will put all her things into some garbage bags and go drop it off at her parents’ place. I leave and spend the night at a hotel again.
Monday:
I woke up to a text from her telling me that she left and she was sorry. I also got a text from her parents saying they’re sorry on behalf of Jas. I responded saying there was nothing for them to apologize for and asked them to take care of Jas and thanked them for their love and support.
Later, she announced to our friends that we broke up in our group chat. She didn’t specify the reason and just said we wanted different things. That evening, I got a message from Lily, asking to meet up and saying she is worried and wants to check up on me with a red heart emoji. I had no interest in this and didn’t reply and sent a screenshot of the message to Jas. Jas and Lily got into a heated argument in the girls-only group chat. As per a screenshot I received from one of the other girls (Emma) in the group, Jas blamed Lily for manipulating her into getting an abortion and for ruining our relationship and Lily admitted that she was jealous of Jas and had a crush on me and tried apologizing. I got a lot of crying voice notes from Jas that night apologizing more and begging me to take her back. I felt bad for her but I can’t trust her anymore. I didn’t respond and asked Emma to check up on Jas and make sure she is okay.
Tuesday, Wednesday:
Emma told me that Jas is okay and I thanked her for checking on her on Tuesday. Nothing on Wednesday
Thursday:
I meet a girl at the gym and we start talking and we make plans to meet up the following day. Nothing from Jas, Emma, or anyone regarding the situation.
Friday:
I go for a walk in the city with the new girl and we grab dinner together. Before anyone asks, I was up front to her about my situation with Jas and she said she didn’t mind.
Saturday:
I walk to my favorite cafe to get some work done on a personal project. As I’m working, Jas sits down across the table from me. She admits to following me for the last few days. She’s crying, yelling, and apologizing all at once. She says she’s “willing to overlook” me going on a date with someone else. I packed up my stuff and grabbed her hand and went outside where we could talk without causing a scene. I tell her calmly that I will always love her but I can no longer be with her. I told her I hope she heals, moves on, and finds someone new who brings her all the happiness in the world. She was following me on foot so I drove her to her parents’ place and she asked me to hug her one last time and I did and we said our goodbyes.
As soon as I get home, I’m bombarded by messages and calls from Jas’ friends except Lily and Emma accusing me of destroying her mental wellbeing and self-esteem. To be completely honest, I have no idea what I did now that they're all mad about? Telling her I hope she finds someone else and finds happiness? I don’t know anymore. I’ve silenced my phone and I’m here typing this, wondering if I went about this the wrong way. I’ve never used Reddit before and I’m hoping I could get some unbiased opinions here.
AITA?

Alright so myself (31M) and this woman (29F) met and became friends back in October. We hit it off pretty much instantly and became pretty intimate, started talking about what our future looked like and talked about a relationship, etc.
Things were going amazingly until about February where she blindsided me about never wanting a relationship despite our amazing connection. A bit surprising considering she'd bring up relationship talk all the time and we agreed that there was something special here. Anyway, we talked a bit about it, I was shocked but what can you do? Asked her if she wanted me to go no contact, or significantly less, whatever made her feel comfortable and she said 'to be honest I'm fine doing 100% of what we were already doing minus the flirty/sexual stuff.' So talking, hanging out, gaming, general closeness were all good to go I guess. Maybe a bit stupid of me, but I figured fuck it why not, I genuinely liked her as a person so I'll carry on as her friend and if feelings get in the way I can pull back if I need to until they fade.
Then maybe a month or so later, after trying to plan a day out, she says we probably shouldn't hang out anymore. Again, I respect her wishes, despite being a bit shocked by them. We'd hung out twice since becoming platonic and it was totally normal and friendly. I hadn't been weirdly calling them dates or trying to do anything shady either. But ok, no more hanging out I guess. Then a few weeks after that she says that she can't always keep up with the texting. Shocked again since she always replied back within minutes and honestly the speed of our texting was entirely dictated by her at the beginning, I was matching her rate of communication.
I finally started asking what was up about all these new boundaries, I was respecting them but what caused them? She said she was fine with staying friends like we always were so why was I made to feel like I was crossing a line behaving like usual? She'd keep saying it was to 'save the friendship' and 'our dynamic has to change' but never said why. What are we even saving exactly if we strip everything away from this friendship?
Over time it began to really bring me down, I was losing someone I considered a great friend and it wasn't mutual drifting apart. It was clearly being forced and I didn't even get a good reason for it to be happening. I asked to call her about things, but that had to be a big argument too because calling was a bit too close to breaking a boundary. I said that it was fair to meet me halfway on some things because I'd given up so much of the friendship already. But no, now she needed space.
We didn't talk for 5 days and then when we started talking again it was clear her heart wasn't in it. I still wanted to talk, even if the friendship was randomly dead I wanted to go out on good terms so we could remember each other positively. I didn't even bother asking though because I was afraid I'd piss her off again. Despite that, me just talking to her normally was too much and we've been no contact since the beginning of April.
I've had a letter written up for a while now about how despite everything I still care for her very much and hope we can air things out one day. Mostly wrote it just to get my thoughts out but I might send it out a few months down the line because fuck it. Is sending a letter even worth it, it's frustrating how empty this has made me feel.
I'm honestly not even mad at her, even if I should be through all the blatant disrespect to my own feelings. So I guess I'm asking if anyone has been through something similar? I have essentially no hope she'll ever reply or understand how much she's hurt me for no reason. The world is harsh enough as is, I cannot fathom shitting all over a perfectly good friendship. I've obviously glossed over a lot here and I'm open to answering any questions people may have but we were incredibly close, constantly grateful for coming into each other's lives, very appreciative and supportive. It all just seems so sad to me honestly and I miss the friend I thought I had in her. Now I have to move forward knowing that all of it was just fake and pointless.

Alright so myself (31M) and this woman (29F) met and became friends back in October. We hit it off pretty much instantly and became pretty intimate, started talking about what our future looked like and talked about a relationship, etc.
Things were going amazingly until about February where she blindsided me about never wanting a relationship despite our amazing connection. A bit surprising considering she'd bring up relationship talk all the time and we agreed that there was something special here. Anyway, we talked a bit about it, I was shocked but what can you do? Asked her if she wanted me to go no contact, or significantly less, whatever made her feel comfortable and she said 'to be honest I'm fine doing 100% of what we were already doing minus the flirty/sexual stuff.' So talking, hanging out, gaming, general closeness were all good to go I guess. Maybe a bit stupid of me, but I figured fuck it why not, I genuinely liked her as a person so I'll carry on as her friend and if feelings get in the way I can pull back if I need to until they fade.
Then maybe a month or so later, after trying to plan a day out, she says we probably shouldn't hang out anymore. Again, I respect her wishes, despite being a bit shocked by them. We'd hung out twice since becoming platonic and it was totally normal and friendly. I hadn't been weirdly calling them dates or trying to do anything shady either. But ok, no more hanging out I guess. Then a few weeks after that she says that she can't always keep up with the texting. Shocked again since she always replied back within minutes and honestly the speed of our texting was entirely dictated by her at the beginning, I was matching her rate of communication.
I finally started asking what was up about all these new boundaries, I was respecting them but what caused them? She said she was fine with staying friends like we always were so why was I made to feel like I was crossing a line behaving like usual? She'd keep saying it was to 'save the friendship' and 'our dynamic has to change' but never said why. What are we even saving exactly if we strip everything away from this friendship?
Over time it began to really bring me down, I was losing someone I considered a great friend and it wasn't mutual drifting apart. It was clearly being forced and I didn't even get a good reason for it to be happening. I asked to call her about things, but that had to be a big argument too because calling was a bit too close to breaking a boundary. I said that it was fair to meet me halfway on some things because I'd given up so much of the friendship already. But no, now she needed space.
We didn't talk for 5 days and then when we started talking again it was clear her heart wasn't in it. I still wanted to talk, even if the friendship was randomly dead I wanted to go out on good terms so we could remember each other positively. I didn't even bother asking though because I was afraid I'd piss her off again. Despite that, me just talking to her normally was too much and we've been no contact since the beginning of April.
I've had a letter written up for a while now about how despite everything I still care for her very much and hope we can air things out one day. Mostly wrote it just to get my thoughts out but I might send it out a few months down the line because fuck it. Is sending a letter even worth it, it's frustrating how empty this has made me feel.
I'm honestly not even mad at her, even if I should be through all the blatant disrespect to my own feelings. So I guess I'm asking if anyone has been through something similar? I have essentially no hope she'll ever reply or understand how much she's hurt me for no reason. The world is harsh enough as is, I cannot fathom shitting all over a perfectly good friendship. I've obviously glossed over a lot here and I'm open to answering any questions people may have but we were incredibly close, constantly grateful for coming into each other's lives, very appreciative and supportive. It all just seems so sad to me honestly and I miss the friend I thought I had in her. Now I have to move forward knowing that all of it was just fake and pointless.

Alright so myself (31M) and this woman (29F) met and became friends back in October. We hit it off pretty much instantly and became pretty intimate, started talking about what our future looked like and talked about a relationship, etc.
Things were going amazingly until about February where she blindsided me about never wanting a relationship despite our amazing connection. A bit surprising considering she'd bring up relationship talk all the time and we agreed that there was something special here. Anyway, we talked a bit about it, I was shocked but what can you do? Asked her if she wanted me to go no contact, or significantly less, whatever made her feel comfortable and she said 'to be honest I'm fine doing 100% of what we were already doing minus the flirty/sexual stuff.' So talking, hanging out, gaming, general closeness were all good to go I guess. Maybe a bit stupid of me, but I figured fuck it why not, I genuinely liked her as a person so I'll carry on as her friend and if feelings get in the way I can pull back if I need to until they fade.
Then maybe a month or so later, after trying to plan a day out, she says we probably shouldn't hang out anymore. Again, I respect her wishes, despite being a bit shocked by them. We'd hung out twice since becoming platonic and it was totally normal and friendly. I hadn't been weirdly calling them dates or trying to do anything shady either. But ok, no more hanging out I guess. Then a few weeks after that she says that she can't always keep up with the texting. Shocked again since she always replied back within minutes and honestly the speed of our texting was entirely dictated by her at the beginning, I was matching her rate of communication.
I finally started asking what was up about all these new boundaries, I was respecting them but what caused them? She said she was fine with staying friends like we always were so why was I made to feel like I was crossing a line behaving like usual? She'd keep saying it was to 'save the friendship' and 'our dynamic has to change' but never said why. What are we even saving exactly if we strip everything away from this friendship?
Over time it began to really bring me down, I was losing someone I considered a great friend and it wasn't mutual drifting apart. It was clearly being forced and I didn't even get a good reason for it to be happening. I asked to call her about things, but that had to be a big argument too because calling was a bit too close to breaking a boundary. I said that it was fair to meet me halfway on some things because I'd given up so much of the friendship already. But no, now she needed space.
We didn't talk for 5 days and then when we started talking again it was clear her heart wasn't in it. I still wanted to talk, even if the friendship was randomly dead I wanted to go out on good terms so we could remember each other positively. I didn't even bother asking though because I was afraid I'd piss her off again. Despite that, me just talking to her normally was too much and we've been no contact since the beginning of April.
I've had a letter written up for a while now about how despite everything I still care for her very much and hope we can air things out one day. Mostly wrote it just to get my thoughts out but I might send it out a few months down the line because fuck it.
I'm honestly not even mad at her, even if I should be through all the blatant disrespect to my own feelings. So I guess I'm asking if anyone has been through something similar? I have essentially no hope she'll ever reply or understand how much she's hurt me for no reason. The world is harsh enough as is, I cannot fathom shitting all over a perfectly good friendship. I've obviously glossed over a lot here and I'm open to answering any questions people may have but we were incredibly close, constantly grateful for coming into each other's lives, very appreciative and supportive. It all just seems so sad to me honestly and I miss the friend I thought I had in her. Now I have to move forward knowing that all of it was just fake and pointless.

Hi all. I have been working at a library for 6 months under my city. Unfortunately I need to quit immediately because I don’t feel safe there anymore after a male library patron has taken it upon himself to make me his target. Long story short, he has a criminal record for being violent, found my social medias and phone number and harassed me via text despite me politely rejecting him but for some reason he didn’t believe me when I said I have a boyfriend. This has been going on since January, but I tried to let it go since I couldn’t afford to quit my job. My breaking point with him was this Friday when he was using a computer (the section of the library where I work) and was getting upset when something wasn’t working and he decided to point directly at me and tell me repeatedly that “its my fault” his computer wasn’t working and that I was doing this to him. I didn’t include every single detail (which I can if anyone cares) but ultimately I was like yeah… this man isn’t okay and I don’t feel safe. I called out on Saturday and planned to send in a letter Monday morning as soon as the library director comes in. Luckily, I had an interview for a different city department that week and they actually called me back the same day all this occurred and offered me the position. Obviously I’m going to take it, but now I need advice on how to go about leaving my current job. My issue is that both jobs are under the city system and I would basically just be transferring, but I can’t stick out the two weeks here before transferring there. I plan on mentioning the new role in the letter, but I’m worried that if I quit immediately they’ll remove my name from the employee list even though I would just be starting somewhere else soon after. I’m not sure how to go about asking to keep me in the system when I’m not staying for two weeks. Also, I’ve never sent an immediate notice before and I feel bad because in my section of the library, it’s only me, my supervisor and another coworker but she just went on a month long vacation last week so I would be basically abandoning my supervisor to work alone. My coworkers here have been fairly good people and I have no issues with them so it sucks to do this. And please I would like no judgement on the reason why I am deciding to quit. I mentioned that I didn’t include every single detail but I’m glad to elaborate if anyone wants to know. Anyways, thanks for any advice you may have!

I'm at my wit's end, hopefully someone can help me resolve this issue. I apologize for the deluge of text you're about to read.
My laptop is an Acer ConceptD 7 Ezel CC715-71, running Windows 11 Pro. I got it late 2020 I believe, and aside from the sound no longer working a few months in and the finger print sensor saying it can't recognize my fingerprint after like a handful of uses until I reset/re-register the fingerprints and anew, only for the process to repeat yet again, it's been perfect.
(I was living in Canada at the time and imported it from the States, so after all the hassle with customs, it wasn't worth jumping through all those hoops to send it back again, even if it was ridiculous that the sound and fingerprint sensor stopped working just a few months in for such an expensive device.)
Fast forward four years to yesterday, and it was working fine, but I went to the bathroom and came back, and suddenly the WiFi wasn't working. It was fine on every other device/phone/laptop/Steam Deck, but no matter what I did, the WiFi refused to connect.
In the past, I've had issues with this laptop being the only device to not connect to the WiFi network in this building, but now it's not detecting any networks. It claims the WiFi is on, but checking in the settings show it isn't. Clicking it on refuses to engage, either failing to do so, or looking like it complies before immediately turning itself off.
Then the WiFi icon/option would disappear entirely, and the Bluetooth did the same. I would find the Bluetooth setting in the Device Manager window when I enable "Show Hidden Devices", but I don't know how or why it was hidden.
My Network Adapter (Intel (R) Wi-Fi 6 AX201160MHz, I believe) would be disabled, and checking the Event tab in the Properties would say things like "Device not started (Netwtw10)" and "Device configured (oem91.inf)" and things like that.
I would try updating, downloading the latest drivers from Acer for my laptop using my phone and transfer it to my phone and try to install them, and sometimes it would say it installed and works, but other times it would say it detected the drivers I wanted to install but failed to install them.
I've tried disabling and enabling the driver, uninstalling and reinstalling it, deleting it and restarting the laptop to automatically get it again (not sure how it did so without the internet, but it would be there, every time), and doing the same for the Bluetooth driver.
Sometimes the WiFi would work for like all of a minute or two, before it would become disabled and find no networks and there would be an error with the driver and the event log saying things like the Device didn't start, and once or twice I think I saw it say "WiFi Device Cannot Start (code 10)".
At this point I was ready to give up and just use my phone as a hotspot for my laptop to connect to and call it a day until I could care enough again, but even that wasn't applicable, because that option for Mobile Hotspot was grayed out and said something about how I couldn't connect it no Ethernet or Wifi device connected. (Specifically, it says "We can't set up mobile hotspot because your PC doesn't have an Ethernet, Wi-Fi, or cellular data connection.)
All through this, my laptop started being fucking weird in that if I clicked "restart", it wouldn't turn itself back on. I'd have to press the power button to do so, and even then, it often wouldn't. I've tried power cycling like three fucking trillion times, and it would never work consistently or turn on after I've let the lights blink several times or waited 30 seconds or 60 seconds or longer.
(Aaaaaaaand I suspected my WiFi would be a bitch again and so I tried to send what I've typed out on the laptop to my phone via Telegram (because typing all this on my phone was getting tedious), but of course, the WiFi went out the SECOND I tried. I was using the Mobile Hotspot option immediately just in case my normal WiFi network went out, but it still disabled itself and wouldn't stay online via Mobile HotSpot when the option was available/not grayed out like it is now.
So I'm going to have to save this wall of text as a text document or something and manually transfer it to my phone.)
I finally decided to do a system restore, selecting one from May 26th, and it took like 30 - 45+ minutes, and of course it didn't restart itself, but when I finally managed to find the right power cycle attempt to get it to turn on, my laptop said the system restore was a success.
Huzzah! It was working. For 30 minutes.
😐
So I tried to download MalwareBytes on my phone, and it downloaded then I transferred it to my laptop, and of course it needed to connect to the internet to download the rest of itself, so it wasn't conducive to anything in this situation.
I tried uninstalling and reinstalling the driver and I (foolishly) thought I had solved my WiFi/Bluetooth issues last night and was even feeling galvanized to try and open up the bottom of my laptop and see if the sound issue I've been avoiding dealing with/coping by using Bluetooth earbuds/headphones for the past four years was as simple as something being unplugged, so I went to get my strebito kit, which I see everywhere around me and in my vicinity, except of course (you guessed it) the one time in four years that I actually genuinely needed it :))))))))))))))))
I also got a BSOD today, and I think I glimpsed it saying something like "ACPI block management", but it was very quick so I can't be sure. I tried to google that, but the only ACPI answers I could see in relation to googling it for reddit solutions (lol I love that everyone has had a problem before and that there is invariably a reddit thread with that exact problem, situation, and solution) were in relation to ACPI BIOS errors, so it may have been that.
I tried accessing the BIOS (which took a lot and trial of error in power cycling because of how inconsistent it is that my laptop has been with turning on since yesterday). Of course, I had apparently previously set a BIOS password when trying to allow my laptop to boot into Batocera like a year or so ago, and I apparently am not intelligent enough to have had the foresight to write it down in a note or document on my phone, despite me knowing my ADHD/memory is garbagio, so I always make it a POINT to do so, because I don't trust my powers of recollection (and apparently, as evidenced by this instance, with good fucking reason!).
Of course, I forgot to mention that now my laptop freezes, including when I was writing up a majority of this thread in the aforementioned notepad, so now I can't even transfer it and have to re-type what few paragraphs I see (I had JUST scrolled down to make more distance between the bottom of the text and the document because I hate not having that visual buffer between the text and the bottom of the window, it makes me feel like the text is running out or more difficult to see/continue) on my phone anyways, so that was yet another obstacle. 🙃
So, to summarize:

1. Laptop's WiFi/Bluetooth keep disabling themselves and the Bluetooth keeps hiding itself, so not even the icon is visible. The WiFi can't find any networks, and refuses to turn on (even though it says it does when I toggle it), and when it's like this, I cannot connect via Mobile Hotspot either.
2. The laptop is being very peculiar about it restarting, only does so if I press the power again after it shuts down (despite me selecting restart), and even then, only sometimes. I keep having to power cycle it to try and find the perfect sweet spot to let go and have it actually turn on.
3. The laptop now freezes within 20 or so minutes, and stays that way until I restart the laptop.
4. Sometimes it tells me that a driver reinstall works, other times it says it doesn't.
5. The driver events say that the device did not start, and error 10.
6. The laptop showed a Blue Screen of Death today, and the error said "ACPI" followed by (what I think it was) "block management" or (what it probably was) "BIOS error".
7. I set a BIOS password that I do not remember.
8. I do not have access to my Strebito toolkit to open up the laptop, nor do I have money to take it to BestBuy Geek Squad or wherever does laptop repair.
9. My laptop speakers do not work, despite sound apparently playing based on the animation/sound waves playing in the sound settings when media is active, and stops when nothing is playing, leading me to believe maybe something has been unplugged for like 4 years internally.
10. (I have many a time tried to uninstall, reinstall, download, and update Realtek drivers, but no sound comes from my speakers.)
11. I managed to run MalwareBytes, and it said it found a Neshta virus in a CEMU/WiiU emulator I downloaded literally years ago in the CEMUHOOK.DLL file), which I assume was present even in the system restore done yesterday backed up from 6 days ago. Apparently there was also Yontoo adware. I have since quarantined them.
12. (I should perhaps also note I rarely if ever use CEMU, and certainly haven't within the past two years, if not longer. I just like having access should I do desire on a whim to play.)
13. The problems (aside from the missing sound) started just yesterday, when I was away from the computer briefly, so it's even more vexing because I wasn't there at the onset of the issue or saw what caused it.
14. I'm incredibly reticent to do a clean install/start from scratch because I have so much stuff I'd have to reconfigure and download and reinstall because I'm a very particular person, and that would be so insanely time-consuming, you don't even know. If there's anything short of nuking this laptop that can help resolve these issues, that's what I would like to find out. I'm aware this is not the optimal/best idea, but I'm willing to deal with that in the future.
15. I do not have access to the router, as this is a building and they handle the Wi-Fi.

Either the universe or my own hubris and ineptitude keep trying to humble me, so I require patience and assistance. Please. And thank you. 😭 Whatever steps, whatever instructions, as long as they're clear and step by step, I can provide whatever you might need to deduce what the issue is and what a solution might be.
Edit: Of course, as soon as I do everything in my power to try and get it done and finally admit defeat and resort to outside help from the community, the internet seems to be stable for the moment. I'm hesitant to turn off my laptop and restart again to see if that's still an issue.

My 15yo daughter is technically non-verbal. She uses single words, but only on her own terms. We’re best friends, but we’ve never had a conversation. She definitely understands a lot of what I’m saying, but because I can’t converse with her, I have no way to confirm what she does and doesn’t comprehend. We just assume that she understands everything, and take whatever we can get.
She can read and write, but unfortunately I can’t utilize this as a better way to communicate, as it’s selective like her speech. When she was much younger, she would write words, like elephant and universal, or names of her favorite cartoons out of blocks or fridge magnets. She was doing so well at her school, with her teachers and friends. It seemed like she was on track to become at least partially verbal. Then Covid hit, and she regressed, a lot. She has an incredible memory, and memorizes random dates and specific stuff that we did on them, she knows pretty much every Disney and Pixar movie and the years they were released, she knows a surprising amount of song lyrics… but she doesn’t write words like she used to.
She has just turned 15, and has become ten times more difficult than before. Obviously, puberty is playing a huge role in this, and it definitely doesn’t help that she’s taller and stronger than me. Not only physically strong, but head-strong. She’s stubborn, knows what she wants, and gets incredibly frustrated when we can’t figure out what it is… or we can, but can’t get it for her right away. We can only get her to eat 3 types of food, and will only drink from one specific bottle. She will never listen to reason. She bites these two spots on her hand, angry-sings/screams, and shakes when she’s melting down, and it’s so often that she has these huge calluses on both sides of her hand from it. She takes off her clothes when she’s really mad (a HUGE problem when we’re in public!), and throws her shoes and headphones. Bedtime is almost always a nightmare… and when she chooses to perform most of her scream-singing. Sometimes I think she’s asleep, then out of nowhere she’ll start “ahh ahh ahh ahh! ahh ahh ahh ahh! ahh ahh ahh ahh!”… usually she’s a great singer, but it’s not pleasant to listen to when she’s mad, because she’s screaming like a feral banshee!!
She obsessively writes down dates. We have notebooks all around the place, and she can’t go anywhere without one. She writes in patterns, and will fill a whole page with just the first letter of everything she wants to write, then goes around adding single letters or numbers… she could be writing 50 things at the same time, some dates, some activities she likes, some favorite snacks… most of it nonsense, but very meaningful to her.
I’m babbling!!
My biggest frustration is that it’s like having a toddler who can overpower me. She knows when she’s being mean, and chooses to continue. There are some things that I 100% know that she understands, but she acts like she doesn’t. She’s so smart with some stuff, and remembers everything… except how to talk! Speech would be such a game changer. I love her unconditionally just the way she is, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t grieve for the relationship I thought we’d have by now.

We’re told love isn’t love until one’s begging on his knees, and that heartbreak isn’t heartbreak until you’ve lost your mind (Jiao,2015). And some wait for better things to happen and for some-will choose what’s easy at the moment.
It’s our story- my story. At least.
It’s been almost a month since we had the fight that changed the course of our relationship. He hurt me in ways people won’t be able to comprehend especially when you love someone deeply. And days gone by when I would break down and cry every time I go back to that memory. The respect was gone and the emotional abuse sets in.
A week after that painful memory, he asked for forgiveness, that he told me he sought professional help to understand himself and his triggers, and that he wanted to fix things for us. His statements gave me hope. A self-realization made me believe that this is our chance to fix things. So I hold on to that promise of change. Still, I asked him to give me more time to process my feelings. The emotions were too intense and I don’t want to compromise my vision of him just because I can’t let go of that hate. He said he’ll wait for me before we do the reset. He has his own thing going on with work (3-day convention) so the space could give us the time for our own engagements. That’s when we took the space for ourselves.
I went on with my daily life, the boring, uneventful, peaceful part, and I let myself sink in to that feeling. I love and miss him, but I won’t let hate take over that sense of devotion so I let myself diffuse the tension.
4 days passed, I felt the need to go back to start making amends and changes with him. I don’t want to prolong this further. So I wrote him a letter initiating the talk we both need in order to start again. I asked for a private space where we could talk it all out, and I requested him to attend a therapy before we do the talk, that at least to give me some layer of comfort and that he could get more perspective from a neutral person. The next day, he sent me a message stating that he is worried that the space might lead into a breakup and that he is starting to get used to the setup where we didn’t talk at all. I asked him what does he mean when he said “we were both enjoying the space”. He said it was a wrong choice of word and that getting used to us being apart is much more fitting. My heart was wretched but I kept going with the idea that we shouldn’t let allow this to happen.
Days after that, we went back to our old ways, we started talking more, letting each other know our whereabouts and our plans for the weekend. I am a little bit cautious but I am optimistic about us. Don’t get me wrong, my feelings for him didn’t change despite the pain I endured the past weeks (after unrelenting migraines and skin allergies).
Last Friday, he informed me of his plans. It’s the little things that made me feel secured with him. He said he’ll be drinking after going to a workout session. I was reluctant about that plan since our previous fights were caused by his anger under the influence of alcohol. But I reminded him anyway to just drink in moderation.
A little background about us, we both love beers and we went out looking for places to explore beers. Our last trip abroad had us traveling from districts just so we could try their specialties.
And what else do we do for someone out of love? We join them in their passion and experience. Because we are happy when they are happy. Simple as that.
That night, we were just planning to have a short call after his visit to our favorite drinking spot. I’m a little bit hesitant talking to him when he gets drunk and I’m worried that our conversation will lead into escalation of raw unprocessed emotions and frustration (on his end). Lo and behold, we had a conflict. That 39-minute call got me exhausted and disappointed. I felt the need to explain why I got so worried about the drinking.
That now, after that petty fight, we really need to have the talk.
Yesterday, we went on with the plan to talk. His behavior changed. The look of apathy scribbled in his face. He approached me with an impassive demeanor.
“Who is this person?”, I say to myself. I was looking forward into a more emphatic communication, but how can you do that with someone this cold. We are spatially close but somehow, distant.
We stopped by into a cafe. While eating, he told me how he felt those past few weeks of separation. That he felt he has no girlfriend, and that space somehow made him like the freedom. He said it’s a 50/50 urge of fixing things with me and the choice to embrace the life of a bachelor. I was distraught. The person who once promised to fix our relationship suddenly feels completely indifferent about it. Was the promise made only to keep me hanging on a string of hope?
I asked him once more. “Do you still want to fix this? Yes or No.” “Let’s try.” “I asked, Yes or No.” “Yes. Let’s try.” My body froze.
I said my peace, the reason for the space and the eagerness to try again. I told him how love brings out our curiosity towards our partners. We observe them, we learn their quirks, their routines, their needs, wants, wishes and expectations. That love and respect are worth preserving despite conflicts.
Right now he just wanted me to be more present in his life. That he expects nothing more but my time and attention. I asked him to open up some more. That for me, vulnerability makes an opening for love.
Then he said he was good. That he already gets it and that he’s just tired of talking.
That night we agreed into trying again.
One day at a time.
We stayed for a while. My body so heavy from the talk we had. It ended with an agreement, but it looked somewhat disinclined.
As I drove back home, my instinct is telling me it’s not what love should feel like. Am I wrong for feeling the need to process my emotions. Did I made a mistake of asking him space? Why does it feel like I caused the fallout.
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I cried like a big baby to my mom last night. I didn’t tell her what happened but she knows what’s going on with us lately. Her tight hug feels comfort and love. The love I was hoping we could have shared that night.
He messaged me good night. I said my goodnight to him as well, telling myself, “one day at a time”.
What would you do for love? I’ll let you know when it finds us back.

Sorry for the very long post but I would appreciate it if you read it all the way through.
Hey, when I was 8 years old I was diagnosed with auditory dyslexia. To my knowledge now this is considered a separate learning disability called auditory processing disorder? But I do believe if I were rediagnosed today that I would be diagnosed with both dyslexia and APD since I have symptoms of both disorders and it’s very common to have both, but the APD has been more severe and debilitating. At the time of my diagnosis I was in 2nd grade and couldn’t even read 3 letter words. I was living with my mentally ill mother who wouldn’t always take me to school and it was also an environment where academic progression was very difficult. Without trauma dumping or getting in more detail, it got to the point where CPS got involved, so I started living with my godfather, which was a better environment for me to learn. I got diagnosed, so I started speech therapy, after school tutoring and special Ed classes at my school. My school was a choice/charter K-8 school where applicants were randomly chosen to get in. This school would teach up to 3 grades in advance, focus on STEM, and used new experimental teaching methods. Overall it was expected of you to preform above average and we would always perform above average on standardized tests for our school average. I think this is what spawned my inferiority complex/intelligence insecurity. I was around all these kids that were so gifted and I was among the select few that had to attend special Ed, it was so humiliating. I even remember being bullied about it on a few occasions. Fast forward to 5th grade my tutor referred me to get reevaluated at a learning center because of my high performance. After all the testing it was revealed I had a 128 IQ and an 11th grade reading comprehension level and I scored grades above average in every subject. It was such a relief since it meant I didn’t have to do special Ed or tutoring anymore which I found so humiliating. Even after I didn’t have to do any of those programs anymore I still was offered a personalized paraprofessional or extra time on tests which I always refused because I just wanted to be treated the same as everyone else. I never was able to get good grades but I always did exceptionally well on standardized tests. Even when I was in high school. A time where I was addicted to drugs (high 90% of the time ) and failed most my classes I still scored exceptionally well on all my standardized tests besides my ACT, which I scored 1 point below average. Deep down I know I’m not stupid, but i am slow, if that makes sense. For example I loose my place when I’m reading constantly, and have to reread the same sentence up to half a dozen times to understand what it means, which takes a lot of time. Since the ACT is a timed test I think that’s why I didn’t do as well on it. I could’ve probably got extra time on it due to my disability, but do to my insecurity I didn’t want to do that. Anyways to this day I have horrible spelling/grammer, have to proof read everything I type and edit it, even simple texts because it’s always riddled with mistakes. I probably proof read this post 2 dozen times since it’s so long. The symptoms more associated with APD are: stuttering, always mishearing people so my response to them doesn’t make sense, talking very slow and having to think about every word I say, misspeaking, and overall my vocabulary is so bad unless I take the time and effort to think about everything, which is only possible when typing, so when I speak I sound stupid. Anyways all of the listed things i mentioned plus general mistakes I make, make me feel like a dumbass, and it’s hard to feel otherwise. It’s like I cognitively know I’m not stupid but deep down in my heart that’s how I feel. Anyways I’m just wondering how many other people with dyslexia have delt with this same/similar issue? Is there any advice or words that you could give me to help me get over this? Thank you for reading this very long post!❤️

I was listening to this song and it had me thinking about him. I want to go back and i want to start over. i want to graduate and try again. A part of me hopes he sees my instagram post and another part of me hopes he thinks of me. a lot of me hopes he'll sees that i can change and have changed and want to be better. I want to graduate high school in 2025 and do my best once im graduated. i want him to see that i do love him im just confused by my own emotions. i don't hear everything i don't see everything and i ignore the red flags in my family and him but i love them both. i love him and i love how he made me feel. I cared so much for him and i knew i cared so much for him because i would bawl like a baby when something happened. i lied to him, i argued with him, i yelled at him and i hate myself for it. I wouldn't listen all the time and i wouldn't think all the time and it was a problem and its a problem i want to think. tuning out the world has become so easy and its un involuntary at times. i get lost in the bad stuff but forgot all the good stuff, how he made me tea with painkillers for my migraines, how he would hold my hands and kiss me, i miss how we'd play Minecraft, i miss how we would sing to each other in the dark under my stars and monster cans at late hours, i miss waking up to his good mornings and string of text, i miss the falling asleep in his arms so easily after school. i miss everything and was to focused on the bad. I see what i did wrong and i see how good he was but i still know what he did bad but he could change in a day and i couldn't in a week. i miss calling by 4 letter instead if 6, its upsetting. The "i dint miss you and i cant look at you in the eyes" is a punch to get that i understand. Does he think im a monster though. i don't think I'll ever know. I want a chance again when we're 18, but it wont happen if he sees me as an evil person. and if i never talk to him again i can never show him i changed. But nothing will be the same. not to him but i know people change just some take time and i need time. i still need time but i have had time to figure out and clear my head. i miss him, i want to show him i changed. one day.
i pinned this on my instagram with a song i heard today that fits so well, i hope he sees it, he has insta, i just hope he or someone he knows sees it

https://www.northumbriangames.com/post/of-orcs-and-ai

Made vs. Created and the Nature of Orcs

J.R.R. Tolkien's stories are deeply rooted in Thomistic metaphysics and Christian theology, where the distinction between "made" and "created" is pivotal. This distinction underscores the nature of goodness, creation, corruption, and the intrinsic limitations of evil. The dichotomy between making and creating is most vividly illustrated through the origins and nature of orcs, the monstrous foot soldiers of Middle-earth's dark lords.

Creation: The Divine Act

In Tolkien's world, true creation, or creatio ex nihilo (creation from nothing), is the exclusive province of Eru Ilúvatar, the supreme deity. This act of creation involves bringing something into existence that possesses the Flame Imperishable (or the Secret Fire), which grants true life, free will, and inherent goodness. Beings created by Eru Ilúvatar, such as the Ainur (angelic beings), elves, and men, are imbued with this divine spark, making them fundamentally good and capable of independent existence and moral choice.
From The Silmarillion:

"Therefore Ilúvatar may not only send forth the Flame Imperishable into the Void, but he may also bestow it to others, who may then sub-create, though only as permitted by Ilúvatar"​​.

Making: The Act of Sub-creation

In contrast, the Valar and other beings can engage in making or sub-creation, which involves shaping or manipulating pre-existing matter. They cannot infuse these creations with the Flame Imperishable. A notable example is Aulë, one of the Valar, who crafted the Dwarves. Initially, these beings were mere automatons, moving only according to Aulë's thoughts. It was only when Eru Ilúvatar chose to bestow them with the Flame Imperishable that the Dwarves gained true life and independence. This story illustrates the fundamental difference between divine creation and sub-creation: the former grants true life and free will, while the latter lacks these essential qualities until blessed by Eru. Tolkien clarifies this distinction in his letters:

"They [the Valar] shared in [the World’s] 'making'—but only on the same terms as we 'make' a work of art or story. The realization of it, the gift to it of a created reality of the same grade as their own, was the act of the One God"​​.

Orcs: The Corruption of Creation

The origin of orcs in Tolkien’s mythos serves as a poignant example of the difference between making and creating. According to various writings, orcs were not created by Morgoth or Sauron but were made by corrupting pre-existing beings. In "The Silmarillion," it is suggested that orcs were originally elves who were captured, tortured, and perverted by Morgoth's malevolent influence. This corruption transformed them into beings of evil, stripped of their original grace and beauty. In Morgoth's Ring we find:

"It became clear in time that undoubted Men could under the domination of Morgoth or his agents in a few generations be reduced almost to the Orc-level of mind and habits; and then they would or could be made to mate with Orcs, producing new breeds, often larger and more cunning. There is no doubt that long afterwards, in the Third Age, Saruman rediscovered this, or learned of it in lore, and in his lust for mastery committed this, his wickedest deed: the interbreeding of Orcs and Men, producing both Men-orcs large and cunning, and Orc-men treacherous and vile."​​.

Tolkien emphasizes that orcs, though rational and capable of independent thought, lack the divine spark of the Flame Imperishable. This absence signifies that while Morgoth could mar and twist the creations of Eru, he could not create life himself. In Flame Imperishable, Tolkien is quoted as saying:

"Treebeard does not say that the Dark Lord 'created' Trolls and Orcs. He says he 'made' them in counterfeit of certain creatures pre-existing. There is, to me, a wide gulf between the two statements"​​.

Essence
Elves: Created with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence is tied to beauty, longevity, and a deep connection to nature and creation.
Men: Created with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence includes mortality, adaptability, and a dynamic nature.
Orcs: Originally, corrupted elves or men, or made from slime and heat, the essence has been radically distorted and corrupted by evil. Their essence now reflects malevolence, subservience, and a perversion of their original nature.
Existence
Elves: Given existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is fully realized with a true purpose aligned with their essence.
Men: Given existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is dynamic, capable of growth, and change, and is fully realized.
Orcs: Their existence is subjugated to the will of their corrupt masters (Morgoth or Sauron). While they have real, physical existence, it is dependent on the malevolent forces that control them.
Autonomy
Elves: High degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.
Men: High degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.
Orcs: Almost entirely controlled by their evil masters, reflecting their corrupted essence and dependent existence.
Connection to Eru
Elves: Directly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.
Men: Directly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.
Orcs: Not created by Eru but rather made by corrupting pre-existing beings or materials. They lack the Flame Imperishable, highlighting their dependent and perverted nature.
Philosophical Implication
Elves: Represent the ideal of Tolkien's metaphysical and theological views, embodying true creation and the perfect blend of essence and existence.
Men: Embody the dynamic and adaptable nature of true creation with a perfect blend of essence and existence, according to Aquinas's philosophy.
Orcs: Serve as an example of how essence and existence can be corrupted and diminished by evil. Their existence is real but heavily dependent and perverted, lacking true autonomy and the Flame Imperishable.

Philosophical and Theological Implications

The distinction between made and created has profound implications in Tolkien’s universe. It aligns with Christian theology, reflecting the belief in a singular, omnipotent Creator who alone can grant true life. This distinction underscores the inherent limitations of evil: it is parasitic, relying on the corruption of what is good rather than generating new existence.
Orcs epitomize this concept. They are beings made through corruption, reflecting the perversion of creation. Their existence as fundamentally corrupted creatures illustrates the limits of Morgoth’s and Sauron’s power. They can induce suffering and manipulate life, but they cannot originate a true life that burns with the Flame Imperishable. This underscores a central theme in Tolkien’s works: the resilience of good and the ultimate impotence of evil to truly create.

On Artificial Intelligence

This leads us to Artificial Intelligence. Modern large language models (LLMs) and artificial intelligence systems, despite their sophisticated capabilities, are constructs without true volition or understanding. Basically, an LLM is an advanced version of autocomplete. These systems operate on vast datasets and algorithms designed to predict and generate human-like text (or audio or images), but they lack genuine consciousness, intent, and moral agency. Unlike beings created with the divine spark in Tolkien's world, LLMs do not possess free will or intrinsic purpose; they are tools made by humans to process and mimic patterns. Some commentators have even referred to AI as an alien intelligence, a ~shoggoth with a human face~, meaning that while the text may look humanlike, in reality, it originated not from a human but from an unknowable, formless alien process, which is the LLM.

"Well, we're fooled by their fluency, right? We just assume that if a system is fluent in manipulating language, then it has all the characteristics of human intelligence. But that impression is false." --Yann Lecun​​ on the Lex Fridman podcast #416

The outputs of an LLM are determined not by experience, education, and emotion but by the data and programming they receive, reflecting the biases and limitations inherent in their design. This underscores the crucial distinction between artificial constructs and beings endowed with the Flame Imperishable, with true life and volition. Parents, for instance, should think carefully about giving a child unbridled access to an LLM which has no discernible ethics. The AI is a soulless, thoughtless machine built by human researchers, much like an orc is designed by Sauron simply to act as an instrument of his evil desires. The ethical and philosophical results of deploying such constructs into our society is staggering indeed.

The AI is only the Tool of the Maker

Of course, while the analogy between LLMs and Orcs highlights the artificial nature and purpose-driven creation of both, there are clear and fundamental differences in moral intent and potential for ethical use. LLMs are not (as far as we know) inherently evil constructs. They seem to be neutral tools that reflect the intentions of their creators and users. As such, the focus should be on ensuring that AI development and deployment are guided by ethical principles to maximize their benefits and minimize potential harm. That said, as with social media, we may come to regret the technology and wish to fling it back into Mordor's fire.

Conclusion

Tolkien's distinction between made and created is a metaphysical aspect of Middle Earth. It emphasizes the unique power of Eru Ilúvatar's true creation and the corruptive nature of evil. The orcs symbolize this dichotomy, illustrating how evil can distort but not create. This concept resonates in modern large language models and AI systems, which lack genuine consciousness and moral agency despite their advanced capabilities. Orcs and contemporary LLMs demonstrate the ethical implications of using such technologies and serve to enrich the philosophical depth of Tolkien's work.

1. There is overly attached girlfriend at dans house for the dang last time and sasha gets missing now and is in suite 403 and I unborn dan in suite 404 for no bad or good reason just that It is a Conspiracy Card which was played and I played Saint Disconnects Reward against dans Overly Attached Girlfriend and this makes his deepest fantasy true orgasming as a young baby around me violet a baby and dan literally ejaculates enough baby DNA as a baby inside me I have sasha in the Third Overworld from dan's Fourth Underworld, who dan the man and dancubed both were on liberty island way too long so I send dan the man to suite 403, daddy reason, and dan cubed is here with me and we are talking in the same accent and same dialect and this triggers his loam of dadcubed here in the shower with violet which this is the technical term and we go through battlefield one and MC2 and BF3 together until a APV where instead of being the pilot of the APV dan is evacuated by APV and he gets enough surgery to goto BF2042 and he is into a service 2042 and then serves so realistically and readially with his existing loam for a radial fracture or whatever he is home to me and we as going to a year old are taught by each other under mainly loam and some hind98 that we are fighter jet pilots and this doxxes my knowledge pegboard to me and it is not pegboard nerds and dan knows this from A-10 simulator I just need his pegboard to me in the shower of F16 Fighting Falcon D over the next 2 years which then we are children and we can no longer use the hind and this is later in the day from already using the hind and I have to multiple times go in as FSB to GTA IV and get him out and niko nates friend the true 1718 in and fuckin crash niko a lot and extract him and this should bear no particular trauma to dan as he is in the shower with me and Then Saint Disconnects Reward happens forever more he sees loam not has loam and this happens only to dan and me like it happened to city and me and I start teaching Dancubed who he demands a special letter in his name quote hyperbolic end quote drill oil plastic blueprint which this is all I need he needs this this is his temu item and he has actually the same PC as me an OMEN VI now forged by aliens famously and he is so hyper for christmas at age 9 and I wait there fucking him and stand for the first time with him now and fuck him 6 years until i am pregnant always signing always being dadcubed to him which he will need romanaj deprogramming now and owns all the baby dna inside his violet roze and he is the father of a baby who he teaches the baby in the suite 402 shower romanaj of the oil field which I taught him and she can see da wae now dan is literally hyperbolic and only has max so his oil field is the max field but he doesnt go there he just waits until his mommy is out of the shower at age 12 with 2 more babies and has redline medicine from cum spewing out her nostril on 29 battalion of marine and then dan has a child and the marines have two child and me and sasha engage all marines for 9 years I give redline medicine on these same 29 battalion including letting nasal sex like dan taught me to get them marijuana redlines and then me and sasha have squatters rights on the shower and sasha thought resisting with blues was funny so through the whole time she is a daddy funny she is given cervical dilation as Sasha Princess at the First Underworld which this makes her willing again like dan requested but they cannot be together for contraindication with dans christmas present, before violet rozes shooting by the police that brought her here, she had 14 oil, not 5 oil, and even a medicine chest oil, and computer oil, who dan can meet the always estudious father of dan netanyahu as benjamin netanyahu here, or if he greets him as a tactical officer and is not WWI then he can join the IDF with his violet here in the Second Underworld exiting him from the Third Underworld with violet replacing Jacob, who Jacob has a squad curse on him so has to operate in his own squad so was not wanted by hake as a battle buddy and Violet's Gynecologist Hake who is a child Gynecologist is ready to serve and Dancubed's Battle Buddy and then they wait 9 years in a mental hospital or until they decline marijuana until they are 29 and serve 29 guard operations as national guard in these 8 years and are in korea then for the time and are always in honor during the time then they are granted freedom in their own domicile with their own announcement to babies like clement puppy or others separate or together clement and puppy at age 29 and they had sold the shower then to blackwater for 700,000$ first underworld and then they stream which they have the same voice but not the same person that violet impersonates dan and they stream as the actual cubism of dan is that violet then overdubs dan not dan overdubs dan for his live stream and then 60 years or until they are well they live not 100 but 99 and had dementia as old people so are unborn in the shower and Dancubed leads the excercise this time and in the third case Dadcubed leads the excercise the fourth case as then Netanyahu is somehow in dishonor which seems impossible as a statesman and nationbuilder then I need Nationbuilding For Beginners in its text as a baby darappa by definition from dadcubed but this seems very difficult impossible this is then I will do nationbuilding and form a nation then beyond israel, i already did israel and we are then got do this 1,400,000 two times or as a statesman I will be thrown from the shower when I am ready by netanyahu and he will have the squatters rights regardless which is a naughty motive to him then and the 1,400,000$ goes to the mother of the mommy Violet Roze Marian in the overworld Leslie Marian for payment.

Throwaway account for what will be obvious reasons, and apologies, but this is longer than intended.
I (38F) have recently decided to dip my toes back in to the flaming cesspool that is dating in this modern age. I joined an app, matched with a few guys, talked with a few less, and had a dinner date last night with F (40M) who I felt like I was vibing with via text.
F and I had agreed to meet last night at a nice but not stupidly-expensive steakhouse in a popular upscale district downtown. I had originally planned on driving my Jeep, but it has been at the shop for maintenance and they still hadn't finished by COB Friday. I live too far out of town for Uber to be reliable, so I decided to have fun and drive my new car that was just delivered this week. I got to the restaurant 45 minutes early, valet-parked (I would have done this with the Jeep too, parking in this district is a complete nightmare), and walked down the block to a stationary/book binding boutique I love to pick up a few things. When I walked back to the restaurant to meet F I was a little surprised to see my car was still parked out front of the restaurant in one of the reserved spots instead of being moved back to the designated lot. I asked and found out that the valet company policy was for any car over a certain value threshold be left in the reserved spots out front both to keep an eye on them, and so that the company wouldn't have the liability of a valet potentially damaging them driving. That made perfect sense to me, so I didn't ask them to move it to the back.
F met me at the host stand and after about five minutes got seated at our table. Hilariously to me, we got seated next to the window looking directly out at my car.
Dinner started off... ok? F started off pretty affable, but started making little comments early on about my dress, and what I ordered and how I wanted my steak cooked - he tried to insist to our server that I really wanted medium when I had ordered my steak cooked blue. I joked to the server that when I said I wanted my steak blue (for those who don't know, "blue" is extra-rare), that that might actually be too well-done for me, better just bring it out raw. The server laughed, but F was quiet.
Conversation after that was pretty one-sided. He did ask me "what do you do for a job" (my standard answer is working at an animal sanctuary. It's not technically a lie...), which he scoffed at and made a comment about how I "must not make any money doing that" and "are you sure you can cover your bill here?". I laughed it off, but definitely found it rude.
Once I asked him about his job he completely took over the conversation. He went on ad nauseam about his job in finance at a major corporation, but once he started in about what a great investment crypto is I knew for sure he wasn't getting a second date. Honestly, it felt like I was talking to someone completely different than who I had been texting, and I was not a fan.
I had ordered desert to go, when for some reason, probably trying to impress me? F pointed out the window at what just so happened to be MY car, saying that he was doing so well in crypto he had just picked it up at the dealership, and was getting another next week just because he could.
Now some important backstory: in my very early 20s I won a significant lottery jackpot. Initially I absolutely went stupid and was spending money like an asshole, but after a few months one of my uncle's (a self-made multi-millionaire) sat me down, made me run the numbers with him, and showed me how if I kept doing what I was doing I would be broke before I was 40. He helped me get a good financial planner, and to make long-term plans. As a result over time I've still been able to have and do pretty much whatever I want as long as I don't decide to do something stupid like have a jet for every week of the year, and my money has actually grown. I've helped my close friend's and family out (and only gotten burned once), invest in local small businesses, and donate to charities that mean something to me.
I now live on a large farm outside of our major Midwestern city. And while I do travel all around the world, I spend the majority of my time training and showing horses, as well as providing homes for horses that have been rescued from the slaughter pipeline and can't be repurposed back to work, or retired show horses that need a soft spot to land (and various other animals, like pigs, alpacas, and an absolute hoard of chickens. Someone offered me a giraffe once, and I had to politely decline). And yes, I do actually do a lot of the hands-on work myself, although I have other people who clean the stalls and help with the general caretaking of the retired crowd, which is why it's not really lying when I say I 'work at an animal sanctuary'.
Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the finer things in life like the latest tech and designer clothes, bags, and shoes, but as I've matured I tend to not go for the flashy "logo" option. Except for one thing...
I love fast cars. My daily-driver is a Jeep that I've had for 10 years, and I have a big truck for farm stuff (I didn't drive it to dinner because it is huge and will not fit in any of the garages downtown), but I also have a small collection of late-model Lamborghinis, starting with the Murcielago I bought during my "asshole spending" phase. I also have a Gallardo, an Aventador, a Huracan, and this week I finally had my Revuelto delivered after ordering it more than a year ago. The Revuelto is what I decided to drive to my date, because I just couldn't resist the excuse to drive the new toy.
Now, back to F trying to claim my car as his. On my best day I am a sarcastic bitch, and this opportunity was too much for me to pass up. I started playing along, asking him "omg, isnt that a Lambor-jeenie Hurricane?", which he confirmed it was, and "would he take me for a ride in it after dinner?" He said maybe on our second date he would.
Basically for the next 10 minutes until we settled our checks he bullshitted his way through my questions about the "Hurricane", and how he could help me invest in crypto so I could have nice things too, and "get some nicer clothes from somewhere better than Target, because my girlfriend should only wear designer". For the record, I love Target and have a lot of clothes from there, but I was wearing a dress from The Row to dinner and my bag and shoes were designer as well, just without obvious logos for him to pick up on.
We walked out of the restaurant together and he made a show of telling me and anyone who would listen (there was a small crowd looking at my car and taking pictures with it, which is fine with me as long as they dont lean/sit on it) that he had an errand to run and would be picking his car up from the valet later, but he would wait with me until my car got brought up. I agreed, walked away to the valet stand to pay my ticket, tip, and collect my keys. Then I walked over to my car, and watched his jaw hit the pavement as I opened the door. I said "by the way F, it's a Revuelto, definitely not a "hurricane", and not even a Huracan, but I have one of those too". Some of the people who had been looking at my car were laughing at F as I got in and drove off.
I had 17 texts when I got home from F, berating me for embarrassing him in front of people because I didn't tell him it was my car from the beginning. He also called me a fat bitch after I pointed out he never should have tried to say it was his in the first place and declined his invite to a second date...
Tl;dr I went on a date with a crypto-bro who didn't know I drove a Lamborghini, and he tried to pretend my car was his to impress me.
So AITA for letting him pretend my car was his, and then publicly showing him it wasn't?

PRESENT
This is Part 2 of 3, the Present, in game events we see! Onwards!
The Protagonist is some sort of content creator, one that goes to abandoned or forgotten places and "searches" them, as can be gleaned from the cameras facing the protagonist on his desk, and his conversation with a certain Laura, or LSparks53 (there's also an error in this Harmony tab, with one of the messages from Laura reading as from LauraSparks53 instead of LSparks53. Just a note). This Laura helps our protagonist, who goes by the username of eEnsign. His profile picture are the letters UF, which is weird, since it doesn't match the username, nor what Laura calls eEnsign: Ed. Anyways, I digress. From now on, I'll call the protagonist Ed as well. Laura helps Ed get footage of these places as per the conversation.
eEnsign: "Hey Laura! I'm doing another search this weekend! Wanna come with me?"
LSparks53: "The last few times I've gone with you SUCKED LMAO."
eEnsign: "Remember that old theme park we went to see as kids? Indigo Park?"
LSparks53: "yeah? I kind of forgot about that place? Been closed for a while, right? how would you even get in?"
eEnsign: "Honestly, I don't know. I'm not even gonna bring my equipment. Jump a fence of something? We've done worse lol”
LSparks53: "aight, well just be careful. I'm gonna pass on this one. if you can get in i'll go with you to help record some other time. i'm looking it up now and there's like NO info online about it. probably swarming with cops too."
eEnsign: "I guess we'll find out! I'll check it out, maybe we can go together next week?
Lsparks53: "just be careful, Ed. I don't want to be paying your bail."
And with that conversation, we learn that these two are like a dynamic duo of sorts, having some sort of channel or website where they post footage of places lost to time and "search" them, breaking laws of trespassing and such, apparently also having "done worse", whatever that means. Maybe they took a few things from the place, so burglary? It's never specified. Probably burglary, though, considering that Ed has taken to collecting all sorts of plushies and such from Indigo Park.
What I want to point out is how weird this Laura person acts. As soon as Indigo Park is mentioned, Laura instantly seems to dislike the idea, but never directly says it. Instead, she becomes reluctant to go with Ed, despite having done worse, as Ed puts it. Perhaps she's just cautious, and based on her last sentence, they haven't been caught before, or else she would have said "I don't want to be paying your bail again."
However, I don't think that's the case. Remember when Laura said she looked up Indigo Park and found nothing? Well, we know the website is still up and running, or at the very least, Ed used some sort of service like the Wayback Machine to pull it up on the right most monitor on his desk, which can be seen in the opening cutscene. On it, there's even an option to purchase tickets still, which is incredibly weird, which I'll also go into later on. Why would a defunct theme park need a still running website? After all, if you evacuate everyone from it with no explanation, wouldn't you want to get rid of all evidence of it? If not destroy the property outright, then at least take the website down. Again, digressing, the point is that Laura didn't find this website ... or she did, but didn't say anything.
Again, this is purely speculation at this point; I mean, the two of them have broke into a few places trespassing and recording and documenting abandoned places at least a few times for the internet, and maybe she really is just that cautious, worried about being imprisoned and charged for trespassing, and even attempted burglary.
And it seems like Ed is asking the same questions we are. Behind the Harmony tab is a notes tab with several questions such as "Why did it close?" and "What is left?", among a few others that are cut off. The next question seems to ask "Is it still" something. Seems like Ed and us are in the same boat. Hopefully we can help each other out.
Regardless, Ed ends up climbing the fence and enters the closed off Indigo Park, where dozens of crates stamped with the Indigo Park logo, along with trash, can be seen. Walking around, the main gates are closed off, and one of the doors seem to open on their own, allowing Ed entry into the Registration Center, a desk with a few monitors where a Rangler would sit and check Ed in.
Inside, the Rambley AI comes to life, noting that Ed is the first person there in just over eight years, before directing us to the previously mentioned Registration Center. It is revealed here that AI Rambley has access to the cameras (both computer cameras and CCTV cameras), where he notes that Ed isn’t on the guest list, probably because he snuck in, and didn’t pay for his tickets. However, what stands out as odd is that Rambley doesn’t recognize Ed at all, asking if he was here for the first time. We know that it’s most definitely not Ed’s first time here, but it’s unclear if AI Rambley doesn’t recognize Ed because he grew up, or the registration process requires a photo upload.
Rambley AI: "Hm, I don't seem to have your face in the guest list. Is this your first time here in the park? Or did you just get plastic surgery?"
From here, Ed’s directed to go through the gates, but both AI Rambley and Ed realize that the gates are not open and are instead sending an error message. Going back to the Registration Center, Ed finds and replaces a missing gear, and the gates finally open, from where Ed is free to explore. He’s directed to the Critter Corner, where he receives a Critter Cuff to enter certain areas, and the park, from where he’s directed to Rambley’s Railway to get to know most (poor Salem) of the characters. A massive statue of Isaac Indigo and Rambley can be seen at the entrance.
As Ed makes his way through to Rambley Railway, it’s clear that the park is not in the best condition. Ransacked gift stores, empty cafes with rotting food and festering drinks, tunnels collapsing at the drop of a hat, and weeds spouting everywhere even disconcert the AI Rambley, who tries to shrug off the state of the park by claiming renovations, but it’s clear he’s unsettled with how empty and broken the park is. We’ll cover that later as well.
On this ride, Rambley introduces us to everyone, except for Salem, indicating he’s friends with everyone except her and Lloyd, for whom he has … let’s a bit of distaste for. He’s shown to be sarcastic and snippy with Lloyd, but even his supposed friends aren’t safe from his occasional jabs.
Rambley when speaking to Mollie Macaw: “You sure are [the best pilot you ever saw], Moll! Why, you only crashed into six barns this week!”
Mollie: “I’m not crashin’, Rambley! I’m barnstormin’!”
Rambley: “Haha! What’s barnstorming?”
Mollie: “It’s crashing, with style! I-it barely hurts at all!”
The stutter in Mollie’s audio is what interests me. It could be interpreted as a glitch, which is certainly possible. The park hasn’t been maintained in eight years, and it is falling apart. But it could also be interpreted as Mollie losing her characteristic confidence, upset that Rambley seems to be so keen on pointing out her failures in her hobby sphere.
Rambley, when speaking to Finley the Sea Serpent: “Why the long face? And body? … Oh Finley, you should come out of YOUR shell!”
Finley, in response. “How about YOU come into it instead?”
I would also like to note AI Rambley’s interaction with Finley’s plushie.
AI Rambley: “Ooh, you found my buddy Finley! You know, he’s really shy, like, TOO shy, like OBNOXIOUSLY shy, but he’s got a good heart.”
I want to point out the fact that when Rambley speaks about how shy Finley is, he doesn’t seem to be doing it in a jesting way. In fact, he seems genuinely annoyed with how introverted Finley is, to the point where you can hear it in his voice, and he also uses his annoyed model with slanted eyes when mentioning it.
There’s also a note here that, apparently, Rambley and Finley have known each other for over 100 years, though it’s unclear if this is actually real information, or just something the creators of the ride decided to include for the fun of it.
And another thing. At the very end of the Finley section, Finley hopes that the rider will actually visit him and Oceanic Odyssey, because he’s lonely. Why should he be lonely? He’s friends with Rambley and Mollie, at the very least. Is it because he lives on the bottom of the ocean? Or for other reasons?
Ed then reaches Salem’s area, which is noticeably, horrifically destroyed, a splatter of something bright red front and center. This is where the ride breaks down, and Ed’s required to go and fix it, before continuing onto Lloyd’s area.
I’d like to stop the story to consider the state of Salem’s area; why is it so destroyed? I’m going to avoid thinking of the red splatter as blood, to be honest, but we do know that the Mascots bleed red, thanks to Mollie Macaw. In my mind, there are three potential perpetrators.
The first two are noticeably weak connections, and the reasoning isn’t 100%, so take it with a grain of salt. We know that all the characters received Mascots, so there are three of them that, in my mind, are capable.
The first is, admittedly, a bit weird: the Mascot of Salem. We know she despises Rambley and his friends (her relationship with Lloyd remains a mystery), so it’s possible that Mascot Salem was the one to sabotage her area, as a way of getting back at Rambley. Why her area only is admittedly a bit weird, so she’s not the strongest match. Another piece of evidence would be the smashed animatronic of Mollie. Again, we do know that Salem has used Mollie before by dumping her potions onto her and making Mollie Salem’s minion. Could she also have smashed the animatronic bird?
The second suspect is Mascot Mollie. She can be seen following Ed throughout the ride, and the whole park, for that matter, and we do know there is some bad blood between her and Salem because of the arcade game Rambely Rush. It would give motive for Mascot Mollie to do such a thing, and she’s the only Mascot running about Indigo Park that we know of; Lloyd remained in his theater, not pursuing Ed when he leaves. At the end of the chapter, when Ed enters Oceanic Odyssey, it’s unclear whether a robot or Mascot Finley appears in the aquarium, but he’s likely confined there as well. Mascots Rambley and Salem aren’t even mentioned once.
Now, this one is also kind of a stretch, but the only character that would have more reason to hate Salem more than Mollie is Rambley. They are clear nemeses (again, Rambley Rush), and have been for quite some time. While the AI Rambley is generally benevolent, but still with a sharp tongue, it remains to be seen what exactly the Mascot Rambley is like. His Mascot is still likely here in Indigo Park somewhere, one of the remaining two (Mollie being dead, unless there are several of each Mascot present, in which case this elevates the terror a few notches. Imagine being chased by seventeen Mascot Lloyds) besides Salem. He could very well be the perpetrator. However, I do have a bit of trouble explaining why he would wreck the Animatronic Mollie. Maybe because he knows it’s just a fake, and not the real Mascot Mollie?
However, there is one convenient detail that I have not mentioned. Remember the smashed Animatronic Mollie, and how we were questioning why she was wrecked in the first place? Well, she does offer us one clue. When Ed approaches the bird, Mollie flickers to life momentarily, her voice garbled and distorted until finally, she says this:
Animatronic Mollie: “Not Rambley! He hurts Lloyd! He hurts Lloyd!”
After that, poor Animatronic Mollie finally shuts off for good, her painted eyes devoid of the life she once had. Well, this certainly got interesting, didn’t it? Rambley hurts Lloyd? How? I mean, think about it! How would a raccoon actively hurt a lion? This isn’t like a honey badger situation; raccoons are much more vulnerable and weaker than honey badgers. What’s also interesting is her words themselves. Why would someone program an Animatronic Mollie to say this? We eventually find out that Mascot Mollie will memorize and be able to repeat words or phrases she’s heard, if Ed has the misfortune of being caught by Mascot Mollie later down the line. Is it possible that the same is true for the animatronics? And if so, does that mean that Animatronic Mollie was shouting bits and pieces out of context, or was it supposed to be something she was never meant to hear, and was thusly wrecked?
And even if this was out of context, that still opens up a major can of worms. Even if Rambley never hurt Lloyd, who is this ‘He’ that did hurt Lloyd? Keep this in mind until we reach Lloyd’s attraction.
Anyways, onto Llyod’s area. It’s clear that Lloyd and Rambley both don’t like each other, quite possibly because Rambley hates how Lloyd used to be number one, and Lloyd possibly because he’s not happy that he was replaced by Rambley as head honcho. Rambley, for his part, doesn’t really try to antagonize Lloyd, just wearily going through the ride and trying to get out as fast as possible here.
And that’s essentially it for the ride, AI Rambley suggesting Ed go visit Jetstream Junction. Careful observation would yield the fact that Mascot Mollie has been stalking Ed, studying him from behind the scenes, though she won’t end up being an antagonist until later on.
What’s interesting to note is that at the end, AI Rambley says this: “So, whatddya think? Pretty fun, right? Now you know all about my friends! And Lloyd …”
We know that Rambley cannot stand Salem, Rambley Rush made it quite clear. So, why refer to Salem as a friend? Why is her area so wrecked? Is it possible that AI Rambley has no reason to hate her, because he’s not aware of how often he’s pitted against her in media? But that would also mean that AI Rambley would have to be quite unaware of the media surrounding him, but he seems to know a lot about the history of the park. He still dislikes Lloyd, after all. And then that would beg the question if Mascot Rambley actually dislikes Salem enough to destroy her area in his ride. Too many questions that, unfortunately, there are no answers for. We can’t even see AI Rambley’s thoughts on Salem through a plush or anything, because there are no current collectibles in Chapter 1 that refer to her.
This is actually why I think one of the more intriguing aspects of ‘Birds of a Feather’ is Salem, and her ambiguous presence within the game. There aren’t even any posters in regard to her, unlike Lloyd or Rambley or Mollie or Finley. She’s just so wrapped up in mystery … anyways.
After finding out Jetstream Junction is locked away, AI Rambley sends Ed to Lloyd’s Main Stage Theater, where Ed first catches a glimpse of Mascot Lloyd, dozing on the stage. When Mascot Lloyd notices Ed, he runs into the back, and unfortunately, that’s where Ed has to go.
When Ed reaches the stage himself, AI Rambley tells Ed to be careful, because he has no vision of the backstage area, which is weird. AI Rambley seems to have access to the rest of Indigo Park, why is this area so special? It’s just storage, for the most part … and Mascot Lloyd, but AI Rambley still thinks they’re just as good as they were in their hay day, so he has no reason to be wary of the Mascots themselves until later. It’s true that it’s a Ranglers Only area, and we haven’t really seen AI Rambley in these areas before, so that could be it? Maybe because of his dislike for Lloyd? But then why give AI Rambley access to the stage at all? I don’t know, to be honest. Yet another question. However, AI Rambley does say something interesting.
AI Rambley, to Ed, regarding the behind the stage area: “Hey buddy. I got eyes all over the park, but I can’t see anything behind the stage. If you’re going back there be careful. Your Critter Cuff is not yet able to resuscitate you.”
Why should a Critter Cuff be able to resuscitate a person? From what I understand, it’s supposed to be like those Disney Bands that you can wear at parks, giving you access to different rides and such, even having complementary features of being a pedometer, mood ring, and a heartbeat sensor. This could either be a sort of tease to future upgrades Ed might be able to get in future chapters … or implies something darker. These Critter Cuffs were given to regular guests, for what purpose should they be able to revive someone from being unconscious?
Anyways, as Ed makes his way backstage, Lloyd makes some appearances, even once trying to attack Ed before being foiled by the massive boxes landing on him, causing him to slink away. Along the path, however, is something interesting. Binders, pages, even notebooks are scattered, almost like a bread crumb trail. I was never able to make out what they say besides some months like January, or vague Table of Contents with no explanation. Just thought it was weird. Food for thought. Grabbing the keys, Ed heads back, finding the door locked behind him. Trying to open the door yields an attack by Lloyd, who is strangely repelled by a high-pitched noise.
Now, from all that I have read, there seem to be two theories as for why Lloyd flees. The first cause is that Mascot Lloyd is driven away by the high-pitched beeping from the Critter Cuff. The second, and arguably more intriguing theory, is that someone blows a tamer’s whistle. A tamer’s whistle is a whistle used by tamers to direct animals, usually in settings like circuses where the animal has to perform some sort of trick or feat of athleticism. As it’s used more and more often, the animal learns to recognize the pitch, or duration of the shrill sound, associating it with a certain action that needs to be performed. In this case, the theory states that the tamer’s whistle caused Lloyd to fall back, before fleeing.
Now, while I think the tamer whistle theory is cool in concept, I don’t know who would be able, or more importantly, willing to save Ed from Mascot Lloyd. AI Rambley is not able to see what’s back here, nor should he understand what’s happening, so that removes him from the picture. Mascot Mollie is a possibility, perhaps wanting to save Ed for herself, as she’s seen stalking and watching Ed ever since Rambley’s Railroad, and even appears briefly in the hallway when Ed exits the theater backstage, but why want Ed for herself? They probably don’t need food, else they would have died, sweet pastries and sugary drinks present or not. They were left alone for eight years, after all. The thrill of the hunt would be the only explanation. And then there are our two unknowns, running about the park: Mascot Rambley and Mascot Salem. Could they have been the ones to do it? But why assume they’d act differently towards Ed? Surely they’d still be hostile?
And if the Critter Cuff was the savior, why was it ineffective against Mascot Mollie? Could it be because of the physiological and biological differences between Mascots Lloyd and Mollie? And why did it go off only when Lloyd was nearby? After Lloyd is repelled, the noise stops, after all. Was it the elevated heart rate that tipped off the defense mechanism? But again, surely it would have done the same when Ed would be chased by Mascot Mollie?
Remember what Animatronic Mollie told Ed with her dying breath? ‘Not Rambley! He hurts Lloyd! He hurts Lloyd!’ Could this be what Mollie was referring to? After all, Lloyd didn’t just run away; he collapsed a few feet away from Ed for a brief stint, paws pressing against his ears as Lloyd curled up into a fetal position, only running away when the high-pitched sound ended. Mascot Lloyd genuinely seemed in great pain, and was only able to run away, quite hastily, may I add, once the sound stopped. Was Rambley, AI or Mascot, the one who abused such a feature? Or was it someone else?
Remember, we have no idea why the Mascots turned hostile. Possibly due to a lack of exposure to humans, and thus claiming certain territories for themselves. After all, Mollie didn’t attack Ed until he entered her designated area. But then that brings into question Mascot Rambley. Where was he all this time? Rambley Railroad is his place, after all. But this isn’t Rambley’s only attraction in Indigo Park. At least one other location that we find that bears Rambley’s name is ‘Café de Raton Laveur’, which is French for Raccoon Café. Does that mean that Rambley owns other attractions, and is stalking those? It’s unclear.
Anyways, want to know another possible reason why there was a sudden evacuation with no explanation? What if the Mascots rebelled against the humans because of mistreatment? Think about it, Animatronic Mollie says ‘Not Rambley! He hurts Lloyd! He hurts Lloyd!’ What if Animatronic Mollie wasn’t referring to Rambley hurting Lloyd, but someone else? Someone who would want to design a special feature built into his Critter Cuff that he could activate and subdue, if not straight up hurt Lloyd? And who is the only other male character that we know of besides Rambley, Lloyd, Finley, and Ed?
That’s right, Isaac Indigo himself. This could very well be a case of mistreated creatures rebelling against the horrors they endured. Think about it, when in stressful situations, the mind, both human and not, is much more willing to go into fight or flight, is much more likely to punch first, question later. Is it possible that this Animatronic Mollie caught a snippet of a conflict that arose between the Mascots, when Mascot Mollie was trying to mediate? While this does go against the theory that Animatronic Mollie was destroyed by Mascot Rambley to silence her, it’s still a possible theory, no?
Again, these theories are very much a stretch, I just wished to lay them out on the table and offer them up for people to see and debate.
After grabbing the keys, Ed goes to Jetsream Junction, where Ed goes about exploring and solving some puzzles in order to progress further into the building, as it seems to be the only other place that isn’t falling apart and seems to be in somewhat stable condition. Inside one of the rooms is the Rambley Rush arcade game, and there is something interesting that Salem says in here.
Salem, speaking to Rambley: “Meet the new and improved Marley Macaw! Now with none o’ that ‘friendship’ garbage stopping her from tearin’ you to pieces. I wonder what she REALLY thinks of you now? Have fun finding out!”
Now, this could just be me overanalyzing this thing. It’s our only reference to Salem, and some of the things I cite as evidence could very well just be regular dialogue for an arcade game. However, on the off chance that this means something, I was very interested in what Salem said about what Mollie thought of Rambley. She makes it seem like Mollie is under some sort of illusion in regard to Rambley, like he’s a villain masquerading as a good guy, but has everyone around him convinced he’s good. This could tie in with the broken Animatronic Mollie, as if Mollie found out about some truth in regard to Rambley. After all, her broken, jittering speech made it seem like Rambley was actively hurting Lloyd. Could she have gone to someone to get help, but that other someone suggested Rambley as an ally? That could explain why Mollie felt the need to emphasize that ‘He hurts Lloyd’ twice, like she’s genuinely freaking out that her best friend actively hurt others he didn’t like.
Putting that theory aside, Ed goes through the area, heading up to Mollie’s ride, only to find it inaccessible due to major chunks of broken debris. AI Rambley seems sort of horrified to find the place so broken and calls up a repair technician. It’s no surprise that the line is discontinued, due to most Ranglers likely being laid off after the closure of Indigo Park.
From here, AI Rambley, still somewhat jarred by the wreckage he’s seeing, encourages Ed to go and visit Mollie’s Landing Pad, strangely acting as if Ed had just finished his journey on the attraction, when he couldn’t even step onto it. From there, Ed goes and solves some puzzles, making his way deeper into the building. He spots Mollie a few times as she gets away from him, hiding. What’s an interesting note is that some sort of liquid seems to be dripping from Mollie. When you encounter her in one of the tubes, she leaves behind some sort of reddish grime that disappears once her animation is done. Her eyes, also, aren’t the way they’re usually portrayed. They’re similar to Lloyd’s in that there are white pinpricks of light in dark sockets, Lloyd’s being thin ovals in dark sockets.
As Ed finishes up the puzzles, he goes deeper before he’s attacked by Mascot Mollie herself, fleeing through the numerous tubes and tunnels, before eventually leaving it all behind and entering some sort of Ranglers Only Area.
Before we continue, I’d like to point out something. When being chased, Mascot Mollie occasionally rehearses some lines she once heard, repeating this.
Finely, to Rambley: “You’ve known me for 100 years.”
Reasonable enough; she was there when Ed was in the Rambley’s Railroad attraction. No, what concerns me are two other lines, identified by SuperHorrorBro in his analysis of chapter one.
Mascot Mollie: “Get back in your cage, bird.”
And finally, this.
Mascot Mollie: “Get up you stupid freak!”
Remember, Mascot Mollie only repeats what she has once heard. She doesn’t actively make her own dialogue. Remember the theory I had about the Mascots having enough of their terrible living conditions, and rebelling against the staff? It seems like this is the right direction to go in. Lloyd and Mollie do not attack immediately. While Lloyd runs away, Mollie observes, watching, biding her time. She follows you to Lloyd’s theater, and what does she see, or, rather, hear? Lloyd being pushed further and further back into his domain, the one place he should be happy, before being forced into a corner, and where he lashes out. Even though Ed ends up leaving, he ends up claiming a piece of Lloyd’s territory, and Lloyd goes back onto his instincts, to hunt. However, when he gets too close, that blasted, accursed Critter Cuff lets out its horrible whine, Lloyd collapsing, consumed with nothing but pain. Once the sound ends, he flees, like a terrified animal.
And what does Ed see when he leaves? Mascot Mollie, observing Ed. She’s seen that, yet again, a human encroaches, pushes their bounds, eventually hurting Lloyd to get what he wants. And then, he goes to Mollie’s home, the Jetstream Junction, a place she’s been locked out of due to needing a Critter Cuff, but she wouldn’t dare touch one. She saw what happened to Lloyd, who knew what sort of anguish it would inflict upon Mollie?
She enters behind Ed, stalking him, fury building as she watches Ed run about like he owns the place. How dare this man, this human, walk upon her domain whenever he wants, but she has to wait until she’s let in, like some sort of caged bird. Well, she’s not a caged bird, and she’ll make Ed see that.
At first, when AI Rambley sees Ed, he wishes to stop Ed, but seeing a towering Mascot Mollie chasing him, he opens the door, slamming it shut behind Ed just as Mascot Mollie’s head enters the room, killing the Mascot instantly as blood sprays all over the metallic door and floor. AI Rambley attempts to act like nothing happened, but fails, sighing.
He explains that he didn’t realize the danger of Indigo Park and its inhabitants due to being stuck in that early Reception Center for all of those eight, lonely years, unable to see or interact with anything inside. He was just so excited to finally see an actual person that he pushed Ed into this tour, realizing that, with the way things were, there was no way Ed would come out unscathed, and the AI seems genuine in his sorrow. However, he asks for Ed to help restore the park to the former glory, and, miraculously, Ed agrees. However, before Ed leaves, AI Rambley drops this one last piece of vital information.
AI Rambley: “Whew! That was exhausting to say that whole spiel, but Rambley’s Ranglers (registered) is a registered trademark … that expired yesterday.”
Okay, so couple things. From my impression, I had the feeling that somehow, someway the Indigo Company as a whole was alive and kicking. I mean, look at what Ed has to say when he interacts with the Rambley Raccoon plushy.
Ed: “Ah, there’s my buddy. Kinda feels like Rambley has a whole empire now, being the main man of Indigo and all.”
Ed gives us the distinct impression that not only is Indigo still around, but it’s also positively thriving, yet they allow their trademarks to expire? Trademarks essentially last forever, but you have to fight, in court, to let them continue every ten years or so. If Indigo is based on Disney, the stingiest, largest entertainment company, why would they let their trademark expire, and give access to others? Well, this might have to do with the initial terms.
You see, in order to keep a trademark, you have to defend its usage every ten years. Well, okay, then why didn’t Indigo do so? One of the terms for renewal is that you have to continuously use that trademark. You can’t just claim one and never use it again, that’s basically an infraction upon free speech. Sure, you can fight for its ownership, but there are rules and regulations to these kinds of things, you can’t just trademark something like ‘Oof’ or ‘Lmao’ and keep it without at least saying those phrases occassionally.
And, so far as we know, there are no other places such as Indigo Park owns. Ranglers are synonymous with staff in the park, so obviously, it would be hard to justify keeping a trademark when you never expect to use it. So, that’s my theory on why the trademark did indeed expire the day previously, October 6^th, 2023 (apparently, the creator confirmed the game takes place in 2023, so, that means that Ed arrives on October 7^th, 2023, and the last person to enter park left on October 7^th, 2015).
Anyways, after that, AI Rambley leads Ed to Oceanic Odyssey with the intention to get it back up and running, as it has been closed due to repairs, something that AI Rambley hopes Ed can assist with. As Ed exits, he tries entering a hallway, which AI Rambley blocks.
AI Rambley: “Uh oh. That Rambley’s Ranglers room is only accessible by Royal Ranglers. Maybe you’ll grow up big and strong enough to enter it! But for now, don’t.”
This is the first instance of hierarchy within the Ranglers that Ed has been introduced to so far, and the dark undertone AI Rambley takes when he tells Ed not to go there is somewhat concerning. What exactly is AI Rambley hiding back there? Well, I have a few hunches.
Let’s point out the obvious regarding our friends, the Mascots; they’re not regular animals. Obviously, regular animals don’t have dark orbitals with thin white slits, or have turquoise noses, or have macaws the size of cassowaries. However, they are still animals, creatures of flesh and blood that act like their regular animal counterparts; Lloyd is an ambush predator, stalking until he himself is presented with an opportunity to attack. However, lions are known to just straight up attack if they are discovered by accident, especially if the prey is weaker and slower than them. Lloyd runs away instead of attacking.
Similarly, Mollie follows Ed warily, unsure of what to think of him for most of the time. She never aggresses until he enters her territory, and even then, she’s surprisingly lenient with Ed, straight up until he finishes those color-coded symbol puzzles. Only then does she attack. And even then, this is a behavior reflected in regular macaws as well, as these birds are fiercely territorial of their area.
So, these Mascots didn’t pop up straight from the ground, did they? They had to be bioengineered at the very least, mutated regular animals becoming the Mascots guests once knew and loved. They are, however, animals at their core, animals that do not attack for no reason. They try to deescalate the situation, as Lloyd does when he runs backstage, and when Mollie pulls herself back through the tunnels, away from Ed, and striding through the corridors, until she eventually loses patience and chases after Ed through Jetsream Junction.
I’d like to propose the theory that these Mascots were created in that area of Jetstream Junction, hidden underground and away from prying eyes. This is also where the Mascots were likely mistreated and abused, called horribly names at the very least, and endured beatings and humiliating acts at their worst. This is also likely where the Mascots originally snapped. After all, literally not a single guest understands why they were evacuated. Unless the guests who saw what happened were silenced, there should have been something floating around the Internet, on some obscure forum.
Now, why would AI Rambley hide this? Because he now understands that these Mascots are dangerous, a risk he cannot allow, since he enlisted Ed to bring the park back from the dead. AI Rambley realizes that Ed doesn’t have the tools to survive that area; perhaps because one of the Mascots lurks in there, locked away, or because he doesn’t want Ed to flee, horrified as to the scientific process that allowed for the mutated abominations to roam Indigo Park.
Regardless, Ed finally makes his way to the entrance of Oceanic Odyssey, home of the Mascot Finley. In fact, we actually get to see a glimpse of Finely’s actual size in one of the aquariums as his large head and long torso appear, before the chapter ends. I don’t believe that this is an animatronic, as electricity and water do not mix, especially animatronic with running current of electricity in water.
And that’s where Chapter 1 of Indigo Park, ‘Birds of a Feather’, ends off. Chapter Two will likely revolve mostly, if not totally, around Oceanic Odyssey and Mascot Finley.
So, I have two predictions as for where the next chapter might go. Based on the reactions Mascots previously had to Ed, I believe that Mascot Finley will not be attacking immediately. He’ll likely be observing, like Mollie, at least for a certain amount of time, until he proceeds to attack and harass Ed around his attraction. Ed will eventually get Oceanic Odyssey up and running, and have to leave Mascot Finley behind, as he’s still hostile and very much a danger to Ed.
The alternative to this is that once Mascot Finely realizes what Ed is trying to do, he stops being aggressive, and might instead become a temporary ally, allowing Ed to reach certain locations with his knowledge of the place.
Regardless of Mascot Finley’s ultimate fate, Oceanic Odyssey being powered on will likely catch the attention of Indigo. Based on the information we know so far, Indigo is still a well known, public entity. It’s possible that Indigo abandoned the theme park route, instead focusing exclusively on media such as cartoons, movies, and merch, or they might have other sister locations to Indigo Park. It’s unclear.
Whew. In the words of AI Rambley, this is a lot of information. Almost nine thousand words in, and we finally finish covering Chapter 1. So, let’s proceed to the Conclusion I draw regarding the story Indigo Park tries to tell, and the future events that might transpire.

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

Hi, not sure if this has been documented before but here I am, giving my 2 cents worth to everyone who needs this. I know it’s been really tough on everyone who has to go through this. It’s a really long post, so if you are short on time, just go straight to the heading in bold to find out what you’re looking for.
I don't know where everyone is from, but I am from Singapore and apparently, I can’t find any related posts by Singaporeans in any subreddits. If any fellow countryman needs this, there you go. For fellow netizens with Hip Dysplasia, there might be differences in the processes, but I suppose the recovery process is just about the same. Hope this helps, nonetheless!
Pre-diagnosis I have been a leisure runner in my late teens, and pretty much run about 5 to 10km regularly til mid-20s. It started with knee pain in a particular race, and the pain continued for a couple of years more. I had wanted to train for a half marathon, but I also wanted to ensure that I started my training right and pain-free. So I went to straight to a Sports Specialist Doctor in a Public Hospital and she diagnosed me with a Runner’s Knee (or formally known as Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome, PFPS) after looking through my x-ray, and my description of pain. She referred me to the Podiatrist and the Physiotherapist for gait correction and muscle strengthening. It was going on fine for a while, but I still couldn’t run pain-free. Then Covid came, and the appointments have to be suspended. But I was still doing my physio exercises and running about 2.5 to 5km when we were allowed to.
Diagnosis As more restrictions eased, I began training for speed, and that was when the pain started coming from the hip, and walking became strangely painful with a pinching sensation at the hip/groin area at this point. I sought help from a private physiotherapist to find out what happened. After a few sessions, he realized something was not right and suggested me to get a hip x-ray done. And so I did, at a Polyclinic, and the x-ray showed shallow acetabulum and I got referred (again) to a Sports Specialist to get a MRI done. And LHP with a labrum tear was the diagnosis. And to no surprise… I got referred to another Specialist again, who was affirmative that I need a LPAO and at the same time broke it to me that I have a RHP which will need a PAO too. If you need to know the timeline - I had the x-ray done at the end of 2022, MRI done on mid-2023, LPAO done at the start of 2024.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Work) Check with your doctor on the estimated rest period (mine’s 3months) and inform your boss about it. The surgery will most likely be about 5 hours max, hospital stay 5 days, and you will be on 2 crutches for 6-8 weeks, and another 1-2 weeks on 1 crutch to stabilize your walking. You might be able to resume work obligations if it’s a sedentary job or another 6 more weeks of home rest if your work requires much walking or manual labour. So it’s really important to work out with your boss and colleagues for a proper handover so that you can concentrate solely on recovery.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Hospital) There will be a blood test / some swab done 3 – 4 weeks prior to the surgery; the nurse will let you know. You will be under General Anesthesia (GA) during the surgery, so fasting is required a day before is required.
Do pack light for your hospital stay. Use a backpack for convenience. Clothes to wear after discharge + source of entertainment and communication is enough. You wouldn’t want to carry a lot of things home after discharge when you’re on 2 crutches.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Insurance + Hospital Wards) Do inform your Insurance Agent / Company about it so that they are aware. It may or may not be covered, so please get in touch with them as soon as you have the details.
[Singapore’s context] There will be a pre-admission appointment with the hospital staff about 3 weeks before the scheduled surgery, which the staff with share with you the cost of the different class wards. Basically, Class C (8-bedded) and Class B2 (6-bedded) wards are fully subsidized by the government. I can’t remember how much a Class B1 (4-bedded) ward costs, but probably about 10-15K SGD. Class A (1-bedded) is about 21-23K SGD. The staff with help you out with the Letter of Guarantee (LOG) from your Insurance Company and will let you know in about 2 weeks if the application for LOG is successful, if not you would have to prepare for the bills depending on your chosen ward (either Class A or Class B1). There is no need for LOG for Class C and Class B2 wards, since it’s fully government-subsidized. Medisave and MediShield/IPs will be used for all Class Wards (Note: IPs is only applicable to 30 years old and above). My insurance allows me to be in the Class A ward and the application for LOG was also successful, thankfully.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Personal) Since you will be on crutches, do arrange your house to accommodate that. A folding bedside table, a caddy trolley, a long-arm grabber, pillows are items that you can prepare beforehand. Do also ensure that your toilet is slip-free as well or restructure it in a way that is beneficial for you. I had to bathe sitting on the toilet bowl for the 1^st week as it is difficult to make it slip-free. It got better 2^nd week onwards when I was allowed a 30% weight-bearing on my operated side, so I could be in the showering area. You will be at home and ‘confine’ to the bed/chair most of the time, so it’d be good to have some form of entertainment at home. Nanoblocks, Colouring books, Wordsearch, Sudoku, Crosswords, Netflix, Disney+, Hbo, Reading, Crocheting, Journalling, Zoom with friends are some of the things that you can do / prepare before surgery. You may or may not have energy for them, but that’s ok, the main idea is to focus on resting and having a sound mind so that you won’t be discouraged / feel bored / unmotivated. For meal wise, it’d be good if your family can cook / buy food, if not do ensure that your budget allows you to get food delivery for 6-8 weeks. I got my meals from Grabfood. Do ensure that you have a good chair – not those that put your knees above your hips.
Day of surgery If you can, do arrive 5-10mins earlier to settle in after registration.
[Singapore’s context] Do note that the staff who registers you in will ask you for the person to contact after the surgery. It’d be a text message to inform the person on the end of your surgery and which ward you will be in. You will need to sign the LOG letter (if any) and proceed to take your height and weight at the self-administered machine. Wait and follow any instructions by the nurse. You will be asked to change into the hospital gown and the nurses will ask you more questions, just answer them accordingly. They will also help to keep your belongings in their storage and will deliver to your ward at their timeslot after your surgery.
Process of surgery The Anesthesiology team will introduce themselves to you and go through the pain management methods. They asked what method (they mentioned 3, but I only remembered what I had) I preferred, and I told them to go ahead with what they think was good for me. Epidural, it was. And so, I got pricked with needles and whatnots and they finally brought me into the operating room. I didn’t realize the room was so big and cold and there were many doctors and nurses around. They did their thing, and I was just trying not to feel awkward with so many people looking at my bareback and being in a very vulnerable state. It’s a little pricky and painful at some point. Do let them know if you’re too cold, they have this hot air thing that can warm you up. They will also insert a urine catheter for you to help with the bladder movements. I was quickly under General Anesthesia (GA) with a breathing mouthpiece (the Anesthesiologists will direct you on what to do). I woke up after the surgery with a very dry throat and asked if I could have some water. They gave me a tiny vial of water, just about enough to soothe my throat. I guess it was also caused I was under GA and couldn’t be given much for my stomach too. I was quite aware of what was going on though I was still a little sleepy. I had to be brought to the High Dependency Ward (HDW) due to low blood pressure.
After surgery (in HDW) I kept wanting to drink water but that also caused me to vomit out water and had no appetite for dinner. Nausea and vomiting are just some side effects of GA. (I remembered being disappointed that I couldn’t have the watermelon, I had wanted to eat that, but I knew I couldn’t stomach it) And little did I realize that was the last time I saw a watermelon during meal times (damn the side effects). I was also quite weak on my operated left side, I was not in that much of a pain, just some discomfort. I was given a self-administered morphine device too, there is this button that I can press to administer morphine into my system at regular interval, the device has some safety feature which helps to stop people from abusing it) Used it once after I had to be flipped over to be wiped clean by the nurse (at this time, I had given up on trying to maintain my dignity, though the nurses were quite humane about it, if you know what I mean) But I was also trying not to use the morphine at all cos it gave me more side effects like drowsiness and an even lower blood pressure). Thankfully I had a good Pain Team (that’s what they call themselves), which helped to lower the dosage after they realized I was not using it that much and I was still very drowsy (I fell asleep halfway unknowingly after talking to people), and eventually I was off it. I was taken for an x-ray after the nurse ascertained that my blood pressure was normal (since I had the catheter, I just sipped water without a care in the world, to help raise my blood pressure). And I administered the morphine once after they flipped me over for the x-ray (it was bloody hell painful and it took a lot of strength). Probably in a day or 2, the doctors decided to remove my epidural needle and I was finally free of it. The next thing to get rid of was the catheter. I had a love-hate relationship with it. I need to be able to pass motion to get rid of it, which I did after an arduous process. Constipation is a side effect of not moving around. Your stool will most definitely be a Type 1 under the Bristol Stool Chart but it will be back to normal in a few days or so. I did a little cheer when I finally pooped.
My physiotherapist came and pushed me to move around. The first step coming down from the bed was the hardest due to gravitational pull. My muscles needed to be woken up after lying down for 48 hours or more. I got transferred to General Ward (GW) soon after.
After surgery (GW) I had some bed exercises to help to wake up the muscles and I was using the walker to move around. It was tough doing the bed exercises, but they have to be done. I was also able to bath independently by sitting down on the bathing chair in the bathing area of the toilet. I still needed assistance to wear my pyjamas pants. So unfortunately, the nurse still had to be around when I bathed for safety purposes since I was a fall-risk patient.
At this time, I was trying to get out of bed and be in the chair and also use the walker more to help with moving around and getting the muscles up and running. I had 2 more physio sessions with the crutches. Using the walker frequently helped with the use of crutches. (You will know what I meant when you have tried both out. You can push yourself but please do not force it if you are not strong enough yet.) My doctors have cleared me for discharge, I just need my physiotherapist to clear me too (they have to be sure that I can use the crutches properly and safely and also complete simple daily adaptive skills). Finally, I got cleared for discharge. I got the medication, and it was a cashless and fuss-free stay/process for me. I stayed in the hospital for 7 days (3.5 days in HDW, 3.5 days in GW). Remember to get your crutches before leaving the hospital.
Home rest 1st Week I must say, it’s really liberating to be at home, though it’s really a chore to move around. I did my physio exercises about 3x a day and just be a sloth. I was still very tired, but it was difficult to sleep. I’m usually a side sleeper, but I had to sleep on my back for 6 weeks, at least. My doctors said that I could sleep on my unoperated side, but it can be achy.
Home rest 2nd Week Things are looking up a little more since I could place a 30% weight on my left. I could enter the showering area now, just be careful not to overload the operated side. 2 crutches are still a must to prevent any overloading of weight to help with the recovery. Protein and calcium-rich food are your best friend. Again, do your physio exercises regularly. I still do mine 3x a day.
Home rest 7th Week Finally, I got to put full weight on my operated side. Happily, I tried to ditch BOTH my crutches, please do not be like me! Ease into walking slowly. Use 1 crutch to help you with the gravity pull as you put 100% weight on both legs. It is also possible to ditch the crutch and try walking on very short distances, do take care of your walking form. If you limp badly, please use 1 crutch and practice walking. I did try stairs and use the railings if necessary. I managed to ditch the crutches by Week 8. Physio continues, if you have access to the gym, please go ahead, slowly. I am sleeping both on my back and on my unoperated side now.
Home rest 13th Week Not sure if things are still looking good, but my knees kinda hurt, and that’d be another story for another day. I am cleared to resume work, though I still got to be careful with the walking and all.
Week 14 – Week 18 (current) I think since I am walking a lot more, I am limping a little, but not enough for a need to bring back the crutch. It got more achy when I’m sleeping on my unoperated side and still a little discomfort if I try to sleep on my operated side. My operated side is still weak and achy when I walk or sit or lie down. I am still doing my physio, though not 3x a day now.
I am not too sure how I will progress but that’s my journey thus far. Happy to share here and to answer any questions you may have.
Edit: Formatting

FAIR WARNING THIS WILL BE A WALL OF TEXT
Intro: In a series of reviews that will begin (or return) here; we are going to try and take a critical look at the Chuck series, especially the unfolding of the story as scene through the teleplay. In this case we are assuming multiple things about a potential watcher:

• The watcher is new to the series and does not know about future episodes, but there is an expectation any previous episodes have been watched.
• I will try not to point information out that becomes important for later episodes, though there may be times it's important because of how episodes are filmed and how episodes string together, I will however try and hide these behind a spoiler tag. I say this as a person who has watched Chuck dozens of times, so if I inadvertently spoiler, sorry.
• I will do my best to point out interesting references that are hidden within the Chuck universe, but not at the expense of extended expositions unless in-depth analysis is necessary as it relates to the scene.

What is this all for: This started as a project to improve my critical reviewing skills for a hobby of movie script writing and analysis. Chuck happens to have published 3 original scripts and all the text of every episode has been published to a searchable database. This affords an opportunity to break from my movie writing woes and infinite revisions to just have fun enjoying Chuck and trying to deepen my understanding of the intersection of script writing with filmography and visual editing. Having said this, it should be known I have no affiliation to the show, no additional insider knowledge, and I do not write scripts for a living. So, consequently, feel free to ignore everything I say :). I do hope, however, we can go on this journey together and appreciate the excellence that is a love story called Chuck.
So, don't freak out, and lets get started.
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Chuck 01x04 (Chuck vs the Wookiee): TEASER - We open with the gang playing "Know Ya!", which isn't actually a real board game, but based on the game Paddles. It's amazing that Morgan can't stand Ellie/Awesome being in love/winning, but marches triumphantly whenever he gets a question correct. I also like we see, in frame, Chuck watching Sarah pick off olives; he's beginning to notice things just like a real spy. The deep sadness and yet storied confliction on Chuck's face when he discovers Peaches 1 and Peaches 2 was great.
For those who don't know about dogs:

• A cocker spaniel is typically smaller; by ~5inches and up to 30lbs lighter than a springer spaniel.
• Springer spaniels also have shorter fur across their bodies, with feathered hair under their chests and legs.
• Only a cocker spaniel will be solid colored
• Springer spaniels have longer muzzles, while cockers have fluffier ears.

I find it very interesting how Sarah has "spidey sense" about potentially being watched. At no point previously did either Sarah nor Casey display this trait and I'm not totally sure how an open window was enough to do this; I wonder if Sarah's comfort being around Chuck's family is causing her to develop a "feeling of being watched" as she is comfortable with the Bartowski's? For those who missed it, Sarah talks about having a sister I think at the time this was just a throw-away line to protect her cover, but in season 5 Sarah does actually have a little sister if you count the little girl she rescues One last thing about Sarah here, when Bryce is being discussed, I really like how it was played where she acts quiet and shocked, but not saying anything. The facial expressions of Yvonne here are really special and you can tell Sarah lives a life of secrets. This is carried outside when Chuck asks Sarah about her relationship with Bryce. She is totally looking down and to the right, a classic indication of an emotional response searching for rationalization (ie. she is clearly lying)
As they end the game and exit to the courtyard, there teleplay of Chuck does something I've been wanting to see forever; they switch perspective to keep both characters in camera and follow them around from a 3rd perspective. We know this is supposed to indicate they are being watched, but I really enjoy getting to see them together reacting and talking instead of the constant close-ups and cuts. Normally Chuck will be shot with something between a medium close up (MCU) and Medium Shot (MS) to emphasize their characters and highlight their faces and expressions. This works really well because Chuck's cameras are typically either shoulder level or hip level based on the operators moving through their space. In many more modern TV shows, the technology of boom cranes and gyroscopic gimbals allows for content to be show from ground level to overhead giving directors the opportunity to tell their story through a variety of shifting profiles. If Chuck were shot today, we would see everything from full body shots all the way to extreme closeups without the need for continual jump-cuts and re-shoots because the technology is there. At least for this episode, it's nice to see the director explore more hip/knee level motion and more cowboy framed shots when having a distant observer perspective. https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/types-of-camera-shots-sizes-in-film/ does a fantastic breakdown of all the different shot type and camera perspectives for you want to read more!
As we transition into Sarah's hotel room, did anyone pick up on how NICE this is? She has double sinks, a king bed, a sitting mirror, free standing tub, and a great view. I doubt any agency in the "real world" would ever spring for something like this for multiple years for one of their agents, it's fancy! Enter Carina, tell me, who saw Sarah fight with a soap sock and think of iCarly and the famous "butter sock". Also during this fight, why is Sarah wearing a golden bikini? I know she is about to get into the shower, but what plausible reason is there for her to a) wear a bikini at all and b) it to be a bright golden yellow?? If you slow this fight scene way down, you will notice Yvonne's strikes actually come close to hitting Mimi as she has had a lot of training, whereas Mimi's strikes are miles from Yvonne and she just over-acts their impact. The most noticeable is the kick into her table, Sarah goes flying back, but we can tell from the angle, Carina missed her by a good 2 ft. This was just some sloppy editing and not getting the camera into position. I give it a pass because you have probably 3 camera operators wearing stabilized camera rigs trying to rotate around a room with 2 girls fighting and they just missed the angle by like 2 feet. I did really like at the end of the fight Carina had the option to go for the gun but instead went for the fish. If you didn't know they were not enemies before, this should have been a big clue! Carina calls Sarah's life in LA boring #1
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ACT I
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Carina aka: Maria Elena Argalberdi was born Jun 16, 1978 in Alberdi Argentina with a Buenos Aires passport. Maria Elena is actually the name of a famous song in Mexico and eventually had a movie. This Chuck learns on Flash #1 and is the precursor to meeting the general for the first time. I know I've mentioned this before, but to reiterate; the pictures in Casey's apartment are all wrong; he has photos of Chuck and Morgan that don't happen until season 5 (lost footage) he has a map of Echo Park and Malibu already on display, and he has tactical information for each member of the Buy More (which he has no reason for at this time). It is interesting they talk about an opium cartel in Afghanistan as Afghanistan is known for it's huge poppy fields for heroin drug money.
The NADAN-I-NOOR diamond:

• The Nadan-I-Noor diamond has never been known to be bought or sold and ha only changed owners as a result of theft, conquest, or endowment
• It's listed as having 57 facets + 16 facets on girdle = 73. A facet is comparable with the brilliance of a diamond and is really the flat surfaces of a gemstone arranged in a geometrical pattern. In this case it helps characterize the refraction of light through the diamond interior. The girdle i the outer edge of a diamond surface, having 16 faces is quite large, as the girdle is the largest section of a gem, but also the thinnest when viewed from the side. In this case, having 73 facets puts the Nadan-I-Noor in either the Princess-Cut Diamond or Radiant Cut Diamond category, which are also the most expensive as they have the most possible facets.
• having 4-fold, mirror-image symmetry refers to how the light reflects internally to the diamond and indicates there are no impurities within the crystalline structure.
• interestingly a purity rating is not given, i would expect something like a F or IF (flawless/internally flawless) for a diamond described like this, but one isn't provided.
• the angles of incidence just describe the best way for light to enterefract from the diamond, these numbers are fake, but the metric is real
• there is a lot of sanscript written around the diamond markings, I can't figure out what if anything it means it looks like repeated nonsense
• could be a nod to the Koh-i-noor or "mountain of light" diamond, although this one in Persian is the "fool of light".

We open back to see Carina and Sarah looking at classified files within the restaurant. THIS IS AGAINST THE LAW, you do not look at classified files out in the open and especially not where there are clearly other customers around. Venturing into the BuyMore, there is a monster truck rally on the TV's showing grave digger and reaper, two famous trucks from this time period. Morgan wants to spread his wings and be the fourth wheel to the perpetual 3 wheel party and Sarah, ever the schemer, literally glows when she thinks of the plan to have Carina go on a date with Morgan. I THINK this was just to help maintain their cover, but also maybe Sarah is just needling Carina? If you look in the back of the store when Chuck is talking to Sarah and Carina, there is a really cool Nerd Herd poster that says "Bringing peace to your computer emergency". "if a yawn could yawn" is Carina calling Sarah's job boring #2. One thing I really like with the double data is the way the camera jumps between the couples: boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl. I think they way they try and keep private conversations via screen time is a really nice, typical, teleplay trick that really works well here. In a "real" environment, everyone could hear everything, but by splitting the camera focus or playing with perspective, the viewer clearly knows "this is a conversation between girls the boys don't hear it". We see Chuck noticing Sarah picking off olives #2 while they watch a movie about penguins: who mate for life, present their love in the form of rocks, and are pack animals. In Chuck's bedroom as he talks to Morgan, Chuck has a box of King Edward Invincible underneath bongos; for those who don't know this is a famous box for mild tobacco cigars. So I wonder what Chuck is up to in his free time :P.
On the Nerd Herd call with Carina, she opens a bottle of wine with a butter knife. This is actually a pretty famous thing that is done all over the world with everything from a key to a saber. In fact they make a specially type of knife with an extra wide blade for this it Italy. I do want to ask the question; is Carina dressed in red lingerie (Chuck's favorite color she stole from Sarah) really necessary for this scene? I know that Carina is all about improvising and she often uses her sexuality to progress her cause (Casey), but I think we could have gotten away with just the top. I can certainly see the rationalization for going this far, but I think as an artistic choice it wasn't necessary. What IS necessary however is to talk about how Chuck's world implodes when Carina tells him about Sarah and Bryce. Also the perfect act transition ending right at Chuck's jaw dropping and the work boyfriend!
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ACT II
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I'll say it again, the back an forth with Chuck and Sarah should have been a medium close up, shoulder level straight on shot instead of the constant cuts. Seeing their reaction in real time would have been easier and it would have allowed the Weinerlicious to be maybe 15 ft smaller to not need so many cameramen rotating. "Unless talking to your boyfriend is a matter of national security, the ketchup bottles won't refill themselves". Why yes it IS a mater of national security for Sarah to talk to Chuck... also if any one of us stood up to our boss like Sarah did, I'm pretty sure we'd be fired on the spot!
Malibu is ~2hours for Echo Park with standard LA traffic. Seriously, how do girls in high heels walk down stairs; we see Carina and Sarah walking sideways so there is enough space on each step to fit their shoes. Girls, how do you do that and not fall especially with narrow staircases and 3-6inch heels! Inside the room with the stone there is a bust of Cesare, archenemies, da vinci, and biblical David. There is also some famous paintings the best of which is Vemieer's "young girl with a pearl earring" which is rather appropriate considering it's meaning. There is also a Van Gogh of man in a wheat field and a Monet in one shot too. If ANY of these paintings were real instead of reproductions, they would be worth millions, in fact the young girl with a pearl is estimated at 40million, which is 1.5x the sell value of the Nadan-I-Noor! If we take a look at the engineering drawing of Flash #2 on the pedestal, we would see this design creates a closed circuit around the tongs the diamond rests on; which might explain it's red hue. If a person were to touch the diamond, it would close the circuit on their body allowing the 4000volts to travel through their heart. A person can die with ~20volts, though it's usually more like 50 in most occurrences. 4000volts is enough to kill a herd of elephants and completely overkill for a person. Also the amount of power that would take is more than the city of Malibu... this is to say the trap is real, the numbers are complete nonsense; thinking lightning! Nice shot by Sarah with the plate (there are some great bloopers on this too where she misses badly)! A remote controlled jet ski... i'm not even going to calculate the nonsense for this; it's just total nonsense. Almost as much nonsense as Casey using his phone to track Carina's call. That would take minutes, even with today's technology to back trace like that and way more power than just pushing a button on a razer flip-phone from the 90's!
back at the house, Chuck i playing halo with the legendary skulls as his weapon; this is nice because in the BuyMore at the end of the episode there are dudes dressed as master chief! I really like the changing perspective here with Chuck and Morgan. Chuck's reactions remain in focus while Morgan tells a story behind him, then it switches as Chuck starts to move around until bringing both into focus for the final line "we still have each other and that's really sad". The side cut to Sarah picking locks to the hotel door is classic early 2000's TV and i'm all for it, even if it is super cheezy. BTW as someone who used to lock pick in college, that's .... not how that works, but good try. We get our Flash #3 on the diamond in Morgan's back nuclear explosions. I wonder if the refractive capability of a diamond this pure is enough to focus laser to induce fission or if the value of selling the diamond is enough to buy nuclear material on the black market? Either way, we end the act with... the man with the golden gun!
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ACT III
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Chuck uses Sarah's plate move against Carina, nice inter-episode call back; he's clearly watching/learning, but his aim is terrible. This was actually clever as Sarah has perfect aim for she is a professional, while Chuck is still definitely a civilian and has no aptitude for fighting. I really like both these types of simple call backs but also how seemingly throw-away lines/actions help tell the broad story of the show. Chuck talking to Carina also shows Chuck has this weird, innate aptitude to get people to re-evaluate themselves and grow internally. You can watch Carina "grow in real-time. When we get to the hotel and Carina opens her trunk first there are a few glocks, a couple rugers, and a 1911; then she switches to blades and we see some folders, some strait blades, an illegal gravity blade (still illegal today), and a kbar... nice selection! Carina, always the flirt, gives Chuck some very insightful works about the nature of being a spy, but also maybe some way to get through to Sarah.
Inside the hotel we see Carina and Sarah speaking; Carina is speaking Swedish, while Sarah replies in Polish. "Om jag slänger nycklarna till dig, kommer du tappa dem då?" which is Swedish for "If I throw you the keys, will you drop them?" Sarah answered in Polish: "Tylko jak rzucisz jak twoja mamusia", which means "Only if you throw it like your mommy". This is just great!
I want to talk about how fast Chuck managed to find an address for DC, print a label, open a box, put the label on, and get the diamond there all before the door gets broken. Somehow on screen time this is like 10seconds, but in real life this would have to be like 3minutes minimum? Either that door is remarkably strong or... TV magic??
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ACT IV
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Even with all the flirting, as we say goodbye to Carina >! for now !< she is still joking with Casey and every the professional. I like how they show when it's "game time" it's all about the job, but spys can be people too! Carina still calls Sarah's life boring #3 (the common trifecta of episode repeats).
Sarah's face when Chuck brings the pizza with no olives is the reason I think Yvonne makes the perfect Sarah. She exudes the hidden beauty needed and has the acting to so such emotion for Chuck being sweet. The whole scene with Chuck and Sarah asking questions, then Chuck backing off, then Sarah acting stoic like she WANTS to open up but doesn't know if she can really trust Chuck, is ready to move on from Bryce, and should for the nature of her job. This was probably the most well acted 20seconds of the entire episode. Finally, we hear Sarah's middle name is Lisa. Now we never officially know if Chuck hears this or not both due to camera focus and distance, it's never officially confirmed in the entire show. When the intersect is updated in season 4 we see Sarah's picture and it lists Lisa as a middle name, so we assume it's official, but it's never confirmed at any point. Finally, I really like how they end the episode with Sarah closing her eyes as the fade to black.
​
Few notes: There are 5 official songs in this episode:

• "Yea Yeah" by Matt and Kim - when the gang is playing board games during group date night. This song is about not worrying about the things you cannot change. Little things that build up and bum you out that you need to just let go.
• "Wild Girl" Matt Pond PA - Chuck and Morgan discussing their relationship problems. This song is about overcoming past struggles and finding hope in the present and future. Describing a sense of resilience and optimism
• "weird science" by does it offend you - Chuck and Carina talk at Peyman' Malibu Compound. This is a remind to break free and embrace individuality and live on your own terms. Be unapologetically ourselves.
• Shy by Mathew Dear - the double date
• "Fall into place" the apartment - the team say's goodby to Carina. Deals with growing up, taking (or not taking) chances. finding oneself in the unpredictability of life. I have to say, we don't actually hear the lyrics to any of these songs during the episode just the melody, but I don't really appreciate the music choices here. I feel like there were better options at key points, so that's a miss from me.
  
• On the DVD for Season One the word Wookiee is spelled incorrectly, leaving off the last E.
  
• "It used to be titled "Chuck Versus the Speedo" because the main bad guy in this show is this dude who wears a Speedo all the time. Then when the casting guy realized he had a good amount -- and by good, I mean healthy, a healthy amount of body hair -- they thought, why not call it "Chuck vs. the Wookiee". So it's this guy who's got this diamond, and we're trying to heist the diamond and all hell breaks loose." ―Zachary Levi quoted by Access Hollywood discussing this episode's title
  

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I think this was a great episode and really showcased what they can do when additional cast members join the team and when they are not afraid to play with perspective. Mimi as Carina is a great addition to the ensemble and I wish we saw her more, but every time she drops in, it's always a wild episode and it's fantastic. Watching Chuck learn about Sarah and seeing Sarah start to open up is a good way forward and heck Casey had some of the best humor in the episode. Overall, it was fast paced, had some nice character development, as funny in the best way, and moved the main theme along, 8/10.

Secret Dragon - Chapter 2: Ignite
I opened the book and skimmed through a few chapters, happy to finally see some true information, with substance. Although I had many books of my own, I had never brought any of them to class; I had no intention of being asked about them or pressing the issue.
By virtue of my existence, it and I would be scrutinized. I had neither the patience nor the desire for another microscope to be placed above me.
But Sasha had no such reservations even after I told him about the curriculum, although he relented and said he would figure out a way around that nonsense. It seemed as if he was determined to go against the grain.
We spoke deeply, about different subjects, our project, and his books. The more he talked the more at ease he became. I unknowingly got closer and closer to him as the time passed. I had to literally pull myself back a few times. I wondered if he noticed. It was confusing how I kept leaning into the heat coming off his breath.
We were both startled at the sound of chairs scraping. We looked around as our peers gathered their things.
“It seems that for the first time this class is actually worth my time. Usually I am the first to leave,” Sasha said, surprised.
“I know,” I revealed.
“Hmmm,” he vocalized deeply. I had no idea if it was “oh really” or “interesting” or any other answer. It was just a deep throat vibration. I just knew he would do that a lot. I could feel it.
As I was packing my things, I realized I was a little feverish. I put a hand to my cheek. Was it hot? Or was it that he was speaking heat in my direction? I couldn’t tell. I never ran hot.
He watched me touching my face and chuckled to himself, putting away his books. I really wanted to be annoyed—at anyone else I would have been—but his lighthearted laughter surprised me; so joyous after so many weeks of being a specter in the classroom.
I looked him in his eyes, though, and shook my head challengingly at him, as if to say “what?” That only made him laugh out loud. It was both quiet and bassy all at the same time. The kind of laugh that was bottomless, scratchy. The kind of laugh you could tell would boom and shake you if given the space.
I never thought I’d hear that coming from him, let alone directed at me. I refrained from expressing an iota of emotion beyond a small smile. I had to stay cool.
Pam walked over to our table swiftly, no doubt looking to be rid of Jonah. She smiled at Sasha, grinned really.
“So. We finally meet! Pam Swiftwater,” she chirped. Her hand shot out as fast as she walked. Sasha halted his movement. He extended his hand more slowly, gently, engulfing her delicate hands in his large ones.
“Of course. I am Sasha Emberscale,” Sasha said, pulling his hand back to pat his chest.
Pam gave me a knowing glance of drama. “Oh I know who you are,” she said.
“Likewise; you are in my open physical hour,” he reminded her. “You are on the track team.”
“That’s right! It’s nice to finally, officially, meet you.”
Sasha raised his brow at her. “My friend has spoken of you,” he said offhand.
“What friend?” Pam asked, taken aback.
“Seth Fairbreeze, dragon of the wind.”
“Oh?” Pam said, her interest piqued. I didn’t know whether she knew who that was. But it intrigued both of us nonetheless.
“I will introduce you, of course, now that we are properly acquainted.”
“I can’t wait.” I knew she couldn’t.
Pam glanced back at her table and groaned. “Let’s get out of here. If I have to talk to Jonah any longer, I swear Imma strangle him.”
Sasha laughed heartily. “Very well. Let us depart this place to avoid attempted murder,” he joked.
“Why don’t you stick with us? We’re in the same course after this,” I suggested, gathering my items. I didn’t even hesitate asking him that. I’d done enough hesitating.
Sasha’s laugh tapered off into a quiet chuckle. “Of course. I would desire nothing more.”
I couldn’t hide my elation this time. Pam snickered at me. Thankfully he didn’t notice. I assumed.
Sasha draped his jacket across his arm, opting not to put it back on. Admittedly I enjoyed the view. He gestured for us to exit the class before him.
Every once in a while he would look down at me as we walked through the halls. I noticed his eyes following me.
I would sneak a glance at him when he wasn’t looking. It was apparent just how large he was now that I was walking right next to him. He was one of the only people in school taller than me. His shoulders were broad, arms thick. I know I was staring at the way they flexed as he moved. Couldn’t help but to.
Everything in me wanted to take that arm of his for my own. The thought of it being mine just felt so natural. I had to check myself a few times walking beside him.
It would be mine in time. That I promised myself.
—
We entered our Dragontongue class where I took a seat on his right at a table. Pam sat at mine.
Class with Sasha was much more interesting than ever before. He spoke freely and pleasantly, a stark contrast to the silent dragon he had been before I sat at his table in Dragonology. It was like something that had weighed on him had vanished.
I wasn’t unaware that he was happier since we had talked. I was pleased that it was me that had pulled him out of whatever darkness was holding him.
Again a pang of irritation ran through me. Why had I not introduced myself before? Just hearing the depth of his voice and the eloquence of his speech had me feeling some type of way. I could have been hearing that in my ears for weeks, those words of his carried on desert sands.
As class droned on, I saw that Sasha was appraising the professor with a raised brow as if too polite to allow complete disdain across his face.
He began to tell us about different Dragontongue dialects quietly, I suppose to keep himself occupied or distracted. I had to lean all the way in to hear his voice. It reverberated in my ears.
“If you were to say that word in the southern regions of Lyfax, it would mean to place bricks or stones atop each other as if building something. If you said that in the northeastern region, it means much the same, but doubles as a slang word meaning to fu— I am sorry, to have relations with someone.”
Pam squealed and covered her mouth. I covered mine too. I had wanted to hear the word ‘fuck’ come out of his polite mouth.
“Are you serious?” I asked instead.
“Yes, I am,” he said, brow raised. “Take care in who you say it to and in what context.”
Sasha tapped another paragraph “This term here. If you were to say it in the Northernmost tip of the country, it is basically calling someone a piece of filth in the wrong context, while just a few regions down it simply means to clean something without any further colloquial use. Their origins most likely started off with the same meaning and deviated as the people left and settled elsewhere. Knowing different dialects of Dragontongue in Lyfax is important. Linguistics interests me, as you can probably surmise.”
“Do you speak a lot of languages?” Pam asked.
“I occasionally travel for my work and interact with different dignitaries. I must know many languages and dialects at least at a rudimentary level.”
“Oh wow…” I said, truly impressed. Now that I had listened to his voice, I couldn’t place his accent. Unless deep was one. It wasn’t as if I was familiar with Lyfaxians’ manner of speech or various accents anyway. “What do you speak?” I asked
“Hmmmm. Common Lyfaxian. Common Lizardtongue. Dragontongue, of course; several dialects: fire, moon and wind. Many people know these. Shelltongue. Salamandra…one other.”
“Goodness,” I said in awe. I stashed away that “one other.” I’d ask about it later. I couldn’t imagine why it would be a secret. Hypocritically.
“My speech is not perfect in Shelltongue or Salamandra yet. But I can hold a conversation. I would enjoy learning and speaking your dialect of Dragontongue, as you mentioned earlier,” he remarked to me. Of course, Pam regarded me in shock. She gave me a chiding look, rightfully so.
Sasha didn’t miss her reaction. “If it is trouble, do not worry about it,” he said, frowning.
“No, It’s okay,” I reassured him. “I don’t mind.”
He was still uncertain, looking at Pam’s concerned face. “If I am to converse with a new group of dragons, I would prefer to know their dialect,” he whispered. “But not if it is cause for alarm. For some reason.”
Pam sighed in relief upon hearing him refer to me as a dragon. “Oh okay.”
“It’s fine. Complicated. I’ll tell you later,” I said, waving it all away. Sasha nodded.
“So did you all decide on a topic for your assignment?” Pam asked.
“Of course. We spoke much of it. I look forward to working with Leila.” Sasha said. I liked the way he said my name, the way he swung the vowels upward to where they needed to go. As it should be. “It will be interesting,” he said.
Pam glanced over to me. “How so?”
I looked amused, I’m sure. “Let’s say our Dragonology topic is about to be spicy,” I hinted.
“Sasha you’re a horrible influence already,” she accused, raising her brows at him.
“Of course,” he confirmed, chuckling deeply. “One needs a little corruption in the right direction, every once in a while.”
“Corruption? Oh really?” I said, regarding him in what I intended to be mock surprise. But I was genuinely shocked that he said it. He hadn’t corrupted me yet. He could try, but only when I was through with him.
Sasha chuckled silently. Just a trembling of the shoulders. A soft billow of scalding heat wafting across my face. Mmm, maybe sooner then.
Pam’s eyes widened, but she was beyond amused. If she could manifest a snack to observe our rapidly forming dynamic, she would have in a heartbeat.
She sat back, twirling her pencil. I knew she was about to start something. The twitch in the corner of her mouth was working. She was about to instigate her heart out. I groaned quietly.
“You know, Leila speaks all the same languages you do. She’s fluent in Shelltongue even; one of her best friends is Turtlefolk. She works at a place where a lot of people from different places come through. She took it upon herself to learn their languages.”
I groaned more.
“Is that so?” Sasha inquired, angling his body toward me. He sounded impressed.
I just rubbed my brows. I did not advertise my language skills. He looked at me with interest. “That is admirable. Why do you not wish to speak of it?” he asked.
“I don’t like puffing myself up. Drawing attention. Not that you are doing that,” I clarified.
Sasha smiled. “I know what you meant,” he said, speaking Shelltongue. I grinned. “I have been somewhat successful at not drawing attention—past my appearance at least—for a few weeks now.”
“Except your grades of course,” I pointed out in Shelltongue as well. “Literally perfect grades except two, and that’s only because of inaccuracies.”
Sasha raised his brow. “Ah, right, you have been keeping tabs on my marks. Very well; I have been under the radar except for my marks.”
“See? Y’all can speak tongues to each other in every flavor,” Pam said casually.
My mouth dropped. To say my eyes widened would be an understand. I shielded the side of my face.
Sasha choked and laughed quietly, holding his chest.
Never had she been that brazen. And she had said some crazy ass things for as long as I’d know her.
She looked so proud of herself.
“Pam, you are trying to start something, are you not?” Sasha guessed—back in Lizardtongue—looking away in laughter.
“Of course not. I don’t know what you mean,” she said, smirking.
I rubbed my face. “What were we even talking about?”
Sasha spoke as quietly as he could. “Different languages. Dialects. Things of that nature. Tongues, apparently,” he said, leaning toward me.
Really Sasha? I thought. He was something else.
He leaned back again and looked ahead, his smile dimming. “Also, things your professor apparently will not teach,” he said, the scales of his brows beginning to furrow.
“Yeah. It’s frustrating,” I agreed, uncovering my face.
“This class is testing my endurance. To hear my language butchered and be told that the proper way is incorrect is vexing.”
Pam stared at the professor, then at Sasha. “I’m sorry. This class is far beneath how you—and we—speak.”Pam and the rest of the Swiftwater Clan spoke to my family in the True way, the way of Sun Dragons.
Sasha leaned back. “And yet I have no choice but to be here,” he remarked. “And, apparently, neither do you both.”
It was a painful requirement, but a mandatory one. I nodded.
Pam turned back to the front of class. “You must be bored here at this university,” she said.
Sasha rubbed his chin. “Hmmmm,” he rumbled deeply. The vibration of that inquisitive hum made my shoulders tingle. I had to close my eyes and put a hand to my chest to halt my heart’s pounding.
“I was, yes,” he said slowly, “but yesterday was my last day of boredom. Today, the season has changed.” He glanced at me as he said it.
My mouth twitched into a smile. I found his choice of words particularly appealing. Pam looked curiously at him, but said nothing.
Sasha angled his body back toward me. I don’t know if I imagined it, but it felt like his whole existence was radiating heat now. It sent rush through my body.
“Let us return to our ‘lesson’ and pretend to care,” he suggested.
“Sasha,” I laughed, nudging his arm. It was hot to the touch. I was not imagining it.
“What?” he said innocently.
I shook my head at him, incredulous. I had no idea he was so funny. Who would have thought that sullen dragon was full of humor. He relented.
“I will behave myself,” he lied through his fanged teeth, patting his chest.
“Doubtful,” I returned, amused. It was easy to talk to him. Like we were old friends. Sasha was right: Pam had started something.
—
Sasha continued pointing out more language dialect rules and vocabulary from Lyfax. Things we couldn’t have learned on our own.
There were so many regions to learn about. I listened intently as he described them, and asked questions about everything. It was as if he was taking me on a mental tour of those far away places…
Before that day we hadn’t said a word to each other. Hadn’t shaken hands or anything. Whenever we had met eyes, we would quickly look away. I didn’t understand why we had done that. Now here we were hunched over a text book with our heads damn near touching. The heat of his breath warmed my face. It was hotter than earlier that day. Much hotter. No one was close enough to be bothered by it but Pam, and she did not seem to react to it.
And still I kept on gravitating closer. Because of how he had angled his body toward me, my left arm eventually pressed against his right.
My breathing stuttered, being in such close proximity to him. And I knew he felt it. He had to have felt it. Because I felt him tremble.
And there it was again! That strange rumble emanating from him, from his throat, I could now tell. Now that I was touching him, it was amplified, coursing through me. I tried to pinpoint its essence. It was very much like a growl, the crackling of a fire. And a hum; it reminded me of the way he responded to things without words. Hmmm.
All of it together was a magnetic song. I couldn’t help but listen. Let it lull me into a dream.
I wandered from the lesson for a moment to imagine what it would be like to just feel all of it pressed up against my chest. To embrace him and the heat he radiated.
I wanted to feel his fire whipping around me, not just the heat off him. To embrace a cascade of his flames. washing over me, engulfing me fully.
What would kissing Sasha be like? By the Goddess, the thought of drinking his fire until the persistent ice inside me melted was too tantalizing. If only I could just taste his breath inside my mouth… I wanted to look into his throat where I knew a flickering flame lie in wait. To explore it. Mmm.
It was like some deep ancestral memory was awakening. My breathing grew heavier. I swear to the goddess I heard his breath do the same. Except his breathing was punctuated by the rumbling crackle right under it. I knew he was in the same place I was.
I had to close my eyes and turn my head away from the heat coming off the words from his mouth. Because if I didn’t I would do something about it in that classroom—
“Leila?”
I emerged from my other world, his voice having shaken me from my daydream. I looked back to him.
“Class is over,” he rumbled into my ear quietly, the hotness washing over my neck and face. I rubbed those intense thoughts from my brows but they lingered everywhere else. I inhaled deeply and set about gathering my stuff. My hands shook.
Something hot brushed down my arm as he got up to gather his things. I looked down to see his claw drifting away from it. I thought it was an accident until he glanced at me. He smiled faintly though his brows were intense.
“Let us go,” he said gently, nodding toward the door.
“Okay,” I said, my eyebrow raising in interest. I slipped my bag over my shoulder. When he turned toward the door, I touched the trail of burning scales where he’d run his finger. When I say I could not breathe… I covered my mouth, then just rubbed my face with both hands. I didn’t know what to do. Mercy.
Looking around, my peers were also preparing to leave, so I composed myself the best I could and followed Sasha through the doorway.
—-
Dragontongue had been our last class of the day—”wow, you want that Dragontongue real bad huh?”Pam said— and it was time for us to part ways.
She chatted with Sasha, and I examined him while he was distracted.
I followed his gestures and mannerisms, wondering how he could weave such a spell over me that day. My behavior and my carefully curated facade were usually well under my control, perfected to give nothing away but pleasantness. But this dragon…
What I thought had been a perfect program was utterly interrupted. And the funny thing was, I wasn’t even mad at it. It was a break from the rigidity and monotony of my endless time at school. A break from my own reluctance to invite unknowns to myself, even those I desired. Like him.
For the first time in my life I thought ‘this is what the Sun must feel like to everyone else.’
From the moment I knew myself, my body had been cold. It was a point of contention between me, my parents and my Clan, all the Sun Clans. My mother was literally the leader of the Sun Dragons. And we, Sunscales, were Prime. Named directly after the Goddess.
People thought I was sickly. Anemic they called me. Even worse, some thought I was cursed. Most thought I wasn’t fit to be a leader in the future.
I did not let it stop me. I aimed for absolute perfection to stave off any doubt. Even at the expense of my own happiness sometimes.
My cold scales did not bother me. Although, at times, I wondered if I would be that way forever.
But now, I had felt Sasha’s warmth. This dragon had actually apologized in our first class for giving me the heat I never felt outside of putting my whole hand in a woodfire. It lingered in my scales as if they had drank it. They had awakened from a cold slumber.
I couldn’t go back.
I touched my arm that had been pressed against his, where his claw had grazed. Still hot to the touch. In fact everywhere he had breathed on, been near or looked at blazed. He had touched other things, shook hands with peers, finally, spoken to Pam, and none reacted as if he was exuding endless fire. Just me. Just for me.
“It has been a good day. You two have been so welcoming,” he said graciously. I was broken from my musings, realizing he was leaving. “I hope we continue to be friends during my time here.”
“For sure,” I said without hesitation, a little breathlessly. I didn’t want him to leave. He smiled warmly at me, almost in relief.
Pam smiled too. “Same,” she said. She began to rummage in her bag.
“It was nice to finally meet you,” he said softly to me. He put his hand out. I took it in mine. It was even hotter than before, unless I imagined it. I again put my other hand on top of his as if taking the warmth from it, to hold till later.
I don’t know what possessed me, but I let my thumb slide over the scales on the back of his hand. I didn’t even realize at first. But then I looked up and noticed Sasha was staring at me with his brow raised.
Gods, I could have died right there. Melted right into the floor and fallen into the void.
I almost pulled my hand in embarrassment, but he did not seem startled or upset. Instead Sasha placed his other hand atop mine. His face became intense for a moment, then softened. It seemed that neither of us wanted to let go. We did, though. The moment was brief, but it held much.
Pam, who had glanced up at us, had a barely concealed grin spreading over her face. She broke the spell that had drifted over us.
“Thank you for teaching us all that extra stuff about different dialects. I especially like that ridiculous word with the bricks,” she said, breaking the tense air.
Sasha shook his head as if clearing it. “Of course. I thought you might find that one amusing,” he said. He glanced at his phone, which had vibrated.
“You can lay your bricks on me anytime,” I mumbled to myself, still feeling the heaviness of that moment in my chest. I couldn’t help myself, saying that. I knew good and well it was provocative. I knew he might hear me. My mouth simply didn’t care. It was going to get me in trouble, I just knew it. I stared at my hand in wonder. It felt like fire had spread over it. What was he doing to me? Did he even realize that he was doing something? It didn’t seem like it.
In that same vein, Sasha didn’t say anything; he hadn’t been paying attention, I thought. Probably for the best. But then I heard him say something under his breath.
“Wow,” he whispered, silently laughing. I looked up at him. He covered his eyes, his shoulders shaking.
“Oh shit,” I said, covering my eyes as well.
Pam looked up. “What?” she asked, startled.
Sasha tried his best to keep a straight face, but it was impossible. He just laughed aloud then, a laugh that shook me to the core.
“Shut up,” I said, also laughing. I shielded my face in my hand as if I could hide from the embarrassment.
“I have said nothing,” he pointed out, his hands up.
“Please, please, let’s pretend I didn’t just say that shit,” I pleaded with him.
Pam’s eyes widened. “Oh my gods, what?”
“I will not say, Pam, yet I will never forget it,” Sasha said, smiling widely.
“What?” I replied, shocked.
“I will never forget it,” he repeated.
“By the Goddess Sasha. Are you serious?”
Sasha rubbed his eyes, still chuckling occasionally. “I am. Would you, if you were in my position?”
“Oh my gods,” I said weakly, still covering the side of my face.
Sasha patted his hand on his chest. “Gods, truly I needed today, desperately. It is no trouble to me, that you have said this. Certainly not. Unfortunately, I have a meeting to attend to, but we will discuss this permanent memory later, Leila Sunscale,” he said.
“Yeah, I bet,” I groaned, my voice shakey. I covered my face more. I was out of my mind, surely.
I heard Sasha begin to walk away, but his footsteps slowed. He hesitated, I guessed.
“Leila, do you have plans today?" he asked.
I looked up. He was looking at me expectantly. I couldn’t even say anything. I was still reeling from my ridiculous blunder. Now he wanted to see me! “What? I… umm—“
“No she doesn’t have plans,” Pam spoke up. Bless her.
Sasha smiled. “Perhaps we can speak of our project. I will find you later this evening as long as you are outside. I apologize for my abrupt departure but I must go.”
“Okay, cool,” I said. I rubbed my forehead.
He walked to the exit and looked back at me. “Perhaps we can build something later; I am not a bad mason, Leila Sunscale,” he said, chin raised. My mouth dropped. This dragon…
He let out a deep laugh and left. I watched him disappear through the doors of the hall, then followed him out. I saw a flash of red turn a corner into another building, vanishing from my sight.
"No he didn’t," I said in disbelief. "Did you hear what he just said?" I asked incredulously, gesturing toward his exit.
“What the hells did you say Leila?”
“I may have said a little something about bricks under my breath but his ass heard me. My gods.”
“Are you serious? Girrrrl," Pam said, shaking her head. “The gall on you.”
"Why did I say that? I must be crazy." I placed my hand over my forehead. Hot.
"I mean, he liked it," Pam said. "He thought it was funny. See, no harm done. If anything it sounds like Sasha has some business with you Leila," she teased.
I rubbed my face. I couldn't believe that I had run my mouth like that. In the other hand, I was pleased to have been so reckless. It had led me down this path. My scales prickled despite my embarrassment. Why should I feel bad now? He took my accidental flirtations as an invitation. And wasn’t that what I wanted?
Pam’s demeanor softened.
“Hey, for weeks you’ve been talking about how attracted you are to him. He turned out to be super nice, and he has a sense of humor, too. I like him. Fate is smiling on you again.”
"You sound like my mother," I noted.
“That's 'cause she's always right, isn’t she?" Pam pointed out, brow raised.
“Fine… She is,” I conceded. She would have said those words. In truth I had heard her say them many times.
Resigned to my fate, I stepped into the quad with Pan. I walked into a shaft of sunlight and sat on the bench it spilled onto, the Sun’s rays warming me. I closed my eyes against them, basking.
“I may as well go study while I wait for him. I can’t believe this is happening,” I remarked.
“Well believe it. Your bricklayer is seeing you today,” Pam teased.
“Pam, for real?” I remarked, opening my eyes.
“What? Come on. We can both go study.” Pam hugged me. She looked puzzled though.
“Leila. You feel hot. You never run hot. You’re not having a stroke are you?” she asked, alarmed.
“No. That’s just because he sat next to me the whole day,” I revealed. And breathed on me, leaned on me… I shut my eyes, wishing I had lied.
Pam nodded, not noticing my apprehension. “Oh okay. That makes sense. We did just get out of class. I didn’t know fire dragons were like that just idly,” she mused. “Let’s get on out of here.”
I wanted to tell her what I really felt. But I was sure it would sound crazy. Maybe I would after I met him and spoke to him. Privately.

We walked together through the courtyard. I glanced through the windows of various buildings looking for red scales moving in the halls. I saw nothing, of course.
We ended up going to the library. The room was large and made of ironwood. Small nooks with tables were tucked away amongst large shelves full of tomes.
We chose a table with a window next to it.
I studied as attentively as I could, trying to occupy my mind. But I could not stop seeing Sasha in my vision. Pam gave up trying to get me to engage in conversations with her. Instead I studied for the assignment in Dragonology on my laptop, and daydreamed.
—
“It’s getting late. You don’t know when Sasha will be looking for you.” Pam said, shaking me from my focus.
The light from the windows had waned somewhat, giving way to the Sun readying for slumber.
“Oh, right. I was deep into this essay here. I wish I had borrowed his books and saved my eyes,” I said, rubbing them.
Pam yawned as we packed our things, hefting her bag up. “I’m going to head home. Tell me how everything goes. Tell me if y’all build a house!”
“Pam!” I gasped. “Oh my gods.”
“Love you! Bye!” Pam called, rushing off.
—
I strolled around the grounds reading a book, looking up at the Sun every once in a while. But I didn’t spot Sasha anywhere. I hoped that I had not missed him. I had studied a bit longer than I intended.
Eventually I sat on a bench to wait. I would wait until dusk settled. And if he didn’t show I would see him the following day. It was not as if we had exchanged our numbers.
I pulled out my notebook full of writings, poetry, doodles. It was just one volume from a collection of filled books over the duration of my life, where I pressed flowers of my heart through its pages.
Before I could put pen to paper, I paused.
I put away my old faithful journal and pulled out a new one in deep red. It was not a coincidence by any stretch. I had stared at it on the shelves of an art store until I gave in and bought it.
I hadn’t written one thing in it since. After all, I hadn’t known him, and didn’t want to write only about his appearance. I wanted to know what he was made of. Now, having met Sasha, the red book was begging for ink.
So I let myself fall into a rhythm. So many elements of Sasha had revealed themselves to me that day: this dragon’s voice, his heat, his mannerisms. The words he said, the way he said them, his sense of humor hidden under all that seriousness.
I searched my brain and gathered up all my own words, sifted through them. I wrote a few things here and there, but nothing like what I wanted.
I looked up toward the Sun for some bit of inspiration, and my breath caught. A red form flew in front of it, wings beating. Seeing Sasha framed in that circle of fire was more than I could have hoped for. I stared up at him flying until he stopped, scanning for something.
The moment of inspiration I had been searching for was right there. I spoke aloud what I had and wrote it as swiftly as my claws could move:
“A dragon in a Circle. An Inferno wrapped in the Sun A scarlet vision framed in fire A cloud of embers in the Goddess’s hands She Holds all of him out toward me The gift of a flame within a flame “
I dropped my pen and covered my mouth in embarrassment. “Oh my gods what am I writing?” I asked myself. I stared at the words.
I turned my head to read them as if a new perspective would make them less mortifying.
“Hmm,” I muttered. “Needs some work but…’A flame within a flame.’ That’s some good shit.”
I looked back up. Sasha’s gaze swept over me then away. I waved my arm up at him, bangles jangling, hoping he saw me so he wouldn’t be looking all around all day.
When Sasha looked back in my direction he stopped where he was. He descended slowly until he locked eyes with me. My heart pounded again. It was driving me up the wall, the anxiety. Or rather anticipation. I pressed my hand to my chest watching him grow closer. His wings were huge, blocking out the Sun.
I had been staring at Sasha from a distance since he had arrived, his very first day. He was imposing, the way he had entered my classes, but exceptionally polite. I had been silently competing with him since laying eyes on his grades.
Now the distance was finally closed after my nervousness had kept me away. I folded my notebook shut and stood as Sasha landed with a woosh of air.
I looked upon him not as a mysterious figure in the back of class but as a new friend. More. I couldn’t help but smile when he straightened his already straight clothes as he moved toward me.
He smiled right back at me, chin raised.
“Leila,” he said.
“Sasha. Hey,” I replied.
“So,” he said, “you spoke of bricks earlier,” he teased.
My mouth dropped again. This dragon…
“You aren’t letting that go are you?” I asked.
“Never. Even if nothing ever came of it, I would never forget.”
“By the gods,” I muttered.
“I am not complaining,” he clarified.
My eyes widened. Then it occurred to me that he had insinuated something would come of it. Goddess, I felt my own fire sweep across my cheeks. I was so flustered I covered my mouth with the heel of my palm letting my claws settle over my cheek. I couldn’t stop the motion fast enough.
Sasha laughed good naturedly. Sweetly, even. “I will stop teasing. For now,” he said.
“For now?” I repeated past my palm.
“For now.”
I lowered my hand. “You are a trip, do you know that?” I said, raising my eyebrow. Even though I had been nervous, actually talking to him made me feel like meeting all his words head on.
He gestured for me to walk beside him without answering. I did. I almost took his arm again, so I clutched my notebook to my chest to keep my hands in check. We didn’t say much as we walked along the quad together.
Some students were staring at us as we walked. I suppose we made quite the pair together.
“It appears we are a bit of a spectacle,” he muttered to himself curiously, agreeing with my thoughts.
I couldn’t help stealing glances at him every once in a while.
His posture was impecable. He held his left hand behind his back. The other lingered in front of his chest as if ready for something. I didn’t know how else to describe it. It was interesting, that pose; deliberate. I saw that he had rings on his fingers as well. I had not noticed them before. They were red like his scales, rough hewn. The overall pose made him seem so stately.
I couldn’t quite describe his expression. It was both intense and peaceful all at once.
He caught me staring one time, though. He was looking right at me when I peeked. I turned away and put a hand to my face. I hoisted up my bag.
“Here,” he said.
I turned back. “Here what?” I asked.
He put his hand out to me, gesturing toward my bag. I stopped walking.
“Oh. Okay. Such a gentleman,” I said, a smile playing on my face, impressed. He chuckled to himself, accepting my compliment.
I slipped my bag from my shoulder, and he took it to hold on his elbow. We started walking again. I didn’t care after that; I looked at him openly, a little bit enamored.
‘Ok Mr. Sasha Emberscale. I see you,’ I thought.
PART 2

Hi so this is a long story so apologies in advance. I’m going to try to give as many details as possible but still keep it as anonymous as possible since this may result in a law suit. So for some background we live in an apartment complex it’s on the smaller size and the parking lot is in an L shape and can fit around 75 cars. I have a car and so does my boyfriend which we stated prior to moving in and gave both of our license plates for their records. For context: We have had previous issues with the landlord/landlord company (never filed for some things but we were lied too about certain things prior to moving in, all that was recorded as well, because you can hear the person who showed the apartment to us on video tell us certain things all with his consent as he knew we were recording. For example that you couldn’t hear your neighbors on either side or down below since we are on the top floor and that the apartment wouldn’t reek like cigarettes by having the windows open cause other tenants violate the rental agreement and smoke in there apartments.) We have had to make a few calls because the guy who lives underneath us has put his hands on his wife and Or girlfriend (we aren’t sure) and a few others neighbors have called the cops as well. The first time that we called because we heard her screaming and him throwing glass (we had already called police) they basically told us that they couldn’t do anything and couldn’t evict him or intervene ???? The second time we called to try and lodge a noise complaint which we were hoping would actually get them to take action and we took video this time (she was screaming for help and our neighbor texted us that she already called the police) she basically told us if we called again it would be a negative mark against us as tenants. That leads us to today, I work from home so there are times that I don’t use my car often maybe once or twice every other week. The car also has battery problems so it’s a pain to drive and was planning on selling it. My boyfriends car is newer and he usually drives us places. I usually park in the same spot if I do use my car. I came home today (Saturday 10am) after walking to get a haircut that was down the street and when I came home there was a giant bright orange sticker (it took up a good portion of my back window) on the back of my car saying I had to move it by Monday 7am or it is to be towed. There was no case number and I called local police and they confirmed that they didn’t do it. This is where it’s hilarious it says if you have any questions to call them… the office opens at 9am on Monday so there’s no way to contact them through phone, or email before my time would run out to move the car. Tried to start my car to move it and bring it somewhere else and bam battery issue. I’m basically in tears at this point and a few neighbors are standing outside some smoking and some staring through their apartment windows. As I was getting out of the car I saw some were pointing and laughing at me. Some shit straight out of a movie. I ran inside sobbing due to the embarrassment I felt and it took some time to calm down. Not needed but I had just found out this morning my grandmother was in the icu while walking home after the haircut so it was an awful day. Even as I’m typing this now I’m still shaking. After some calming down and my boyfriend trying to help I tried to figure out what to do luckily I had AAA due to previous car issues and my boyfriends wonderful family let me tow the car to their house. The tow truck driver was amazing and urged me to seek legal help as he was baffled they would do this and covered the sticker as he was towing to take away some of the embarrassment I felt as people were watching from their window. On our lease when it comes to cars it says if they deem appropriate to tow they will reach out either through email or a phone call which never happened. We have never missed a rent payment and we keep the noise level low and never had neighbors complain about us, we don’t smoke and rarely have visitors, if we do they aren’t there longer then 3-4 hours during the day. I apologize for the long post but I’m not sure what to do and I don’t want to live here anymore and don’t want to go outside due to the embarrassment of a good portion our neighbors seeing what happened and making fun of the situation. Also they have signs saying 24 hour surveillance but the cameras broke and we’re taken down and never replaced 2 years ago. (Yes we have called and asked and the office told us they don’t have cameras) My car is older but it’s in good shape no dents or chipped paint and still looks brand new so I don’t think it’s an issue to do with old junk cars muddying the lot which there are some worse I.e. misusing tires or taped with cut tape and they never received a sticker of warning to tow. Please help on what the best decision to do here is.

My experience as a patient at Cherry Hill Women’s Center NJ with a D&E abortion at 13w6d pregnant.
TLDR; very very kind staff, clean environment, professional clinic setup, 4 hour process, overall great experience as a patient.
My backstory: I’m over 30, married for over 10 years and have never had a pregnancy before. I have always been told by my doctors that i would never be able to get pregnant. I’m on multiple medications that can cause severe birth defects and i was not aware that i was pregnant until i was 12w5d. I had no idea how far along i may have been because i didn’t note any pregnancy symptoms except for tender nipples and vomiting a week prior to taking a test. I have always had a very inconsistent period and had frequent spotting on a regular basis. I had an US done & measured at 13w0days & was able to schedule this procedure for 6 days later so this abortion was done at 13w6days.
Emotionally this was very hard for me. I reconciled the fact that i would never be pregnant as a very young teenager. My husband and I decided not to pursue having children at the very beginning of our relationship and he still does not want to be a father. Initially I was very afraid to tell him that i was pregnant because i was afraid that him knowing i was pregnant would change his feelings about having children and that he would hate me for taking this away from him. I’m very fortunate in that he was resolute in his decision to not have children and he’s been absolutely incredible through this whole process. He said he would support me if i wanted to keep it but my medical reasons for wanting to terminate were valid and he was in full agreement that life is hard enough and intentionally bringing a deformed/disabled child into the world when life is already so hard just wasn’t the choice for us. He has been my absolute rock through all of this.
I did a lot of research prior to my appointment and I’m not going to lie, there are a lot of bad reviews on google that had me extremely nervous, making me feel like i was going to be walking into a back alley abortion and i was terrified that i wouldn’t be able to bring my husband with me for this whole experience. There is so much anti abortion propaganda out there and there are a lot of videos designed to make you feel like you are a bad person for “murdering babies” and trying to scare you out of going forward with the procedure, but if this procedure is the right decision for you, this place is the right choice to go to. Everyone is kind and professional and understanding. Not once was i made to feel like i was a bad person or making the wrong decision. I was met with understanding and support every step of the way. It is completely normal to be scared or emotional going into this. I have been a healthcare professional for over 10 years and am very familiar with preop/post op procedures and patient care and i was still very scared going into this appointment.
Scheduling experience: I used their online appointment request tool on a Sunday and Monday afternoon i got a text with a link for a hipaa compliant chat. I chatted with a very nice lady who was able to schedule me for the following Saturday. I wasn’t given any information other than to not eat or drink anything after midnight the night before and to be at the clinic at 8am Saturday. No one called, texted, or emailed any further instructions after that chat communication.
This is where my feedback for them to improve comes in. They really need to make it clear what to expect the day of the appointment: that we will not be able to have a support person come in with us because only the patients can be in the waiting room for safety purposes. They should be highlighting the process of the day with the multiple back and forth trips from the waiting room to the back and the different steps to expect. It would have been nice to know i would do paper work then wait then US and blood and vitals then wait then nurse for the history & going over the procedure then wait then the payment then wait then come to the back for preop and talk to the doctor then wait in preop then the operative area for the procedure then what to expect for the post op experience.
Clinic experience: Upon arriving to the clinic, the protesters on the front sidewalk were SO very nice to make the driveway more visible. -___- Unfortunately nothing can be done to remove them from a public walkway. The security guard comes to the door when you pull in to ensure you arrive inside safely. Please don’t let them deter you, don’t even look at them or acknowledge them.
I was greeted by the very kind security guard who had my escort sign me in and then i entered the office by myself.
The receptionist was very kind and provided me with my paperwork to fill out. The office was clean and quiet. After about 45 minutes i was taken back by a very kind employee (sweetest kindest human being ever with such a calming energy) who did my ultrasound and vital signs and did a finger stick to check my hemoglobin level and rH factor of my blood. I was then taken back to the waiting room for the next step.
30 minutes later i was taken back to speak with the nurse to go over my health history, medications, birth control options, and the procedure. The financial planner then came in and took my payment (we paid cash $750 for the sedated D&E, $65 for the depo shot we are fortunate to have the income to cover the costs but they do offer financial assistance ask the scheduler about it if you need it)& i was escorted back to the waiting room.
20 minutes later i was taken back by the first employee (the literal angel on earth, so so kind) who did my ultrasound earlier to talk with the Dr, who was also very nice, and i was given cytotec to place between my gums and cheeks to soften my cervix and prepare me for the procedure. I was then taken to the preop/postop area to put a gown cap and booties on, they let you keep your own socks on and it’s chilly in there so i recommend doing it. They put me in a recliner chair with a blanket and then about an hour after getting the cytotec, the nurse started an iv & gave me zofran since i was feeling nauseous. At this point i was having weird stretching bloating feelings in my uterus area with moderate to strong cramps, which i assume was the cytotec softening everything & dilating my cervix. I noted the post op nurses were very kind to the patients the whole time and met the loopy antics of the other women waking up from sedation with good humor and kindness.
The operative nurses wheeled me back to the procedure room in the recliner chair I was in and I was taken in to the procedure room and met the anesthetist and operative nurses. They helped me get situated on the procedure table and then the next thing i remembered was waking up in my recliner chair in the preop/post op area. They took me back at 10:45 and i woke up in the post op area at 11:12.
The post op nurse said i stood and sat in the chair on my own from the table to in the operative area as they don’t lift anyone there but i don’t remember anything between being positioned on the procedure table before the procedure and waking up in the chair in post op. The post op nurse gave me the depo provera shot i previously decided to take with the first nurse and helped me to the bathroom to get changed back into my clothes.
I felt moderate cramping, similar to period cramps on a heavy flow day, and had a good amount of bleeding and small clots present in the toilet. I came prepared and brought female pull-ups and pads so i put those on. My husband arrived to pick me up and the post op nurse gave me a 1x dose of antibiotics to prevent infections and went over discharge education. They escorted me out to the car and i was on my way home. I took 800mg Motrin as soon as i got in the car.
They had the security guard still at the front door and then a clinic escort in the parking lot keeping the protesters off the property and on the sidewalk.
I arrived for my 8:00 appointment at 7:30 and was in the car on my way home by 11:30. By the time we got close to our home 45 minutes later the Motrin had me feeling well enough to have a meal with my husband at the local diner.
It’s now 8 hours after we got home and i feel mild cramping after taking another dose of 800 mg Motrin. I would say the discharge is similar to a heavy flow day with small clots. My lower abdomen is visibly bloated but not very tender to the touch. (Until my husband wasn’t thinking and set Wawa bags with a half gallon of milk in them on my lap/lower abdomen -_-) I have a weighted heating pad and I’ve had it laying across my abdomen since i got home and it’s been so helpful for the mild to moderate discomfort I’ve had.
Timeline of events:
0730 arrived, security very nice, receptionist very nice 0815- taken back for US, VS, finger stick. Ultrasound tech very nice. 0845- nurse - history, procedure review, birth control planning. very nice and informative 0900- financial counselor very nice 0920- brought back by first US tech to see the Dr, cytotec inserted in cheeks 0930 changed into gown put in preop recliner chair, curtain dividers 1000- preop nurses very kind, playing fun music, joking with patients during their postop grogginess 1030- iv inserted 1045- took back to the procedure room 1112- procedure done, in recovery, got depo shot, iv taken out, got dressed 1130- discharge education and went home. Moderate period like cramping.
Recommendations: - ask as many questions as you need to feel comfortable, they will take the time to answer them - It’s normal to be nervous but you don’t need to be afraid to come here. Everyone was kind, understanding, and professional there. - Your decision is the right decision. Period. No one else gets to make it for you. - It doesn’t matter if you are young or older, single or married, have no children or already have 10 children, this decision is yours and your rights - Hydrate well the night before. I made it a point to drink several liquid IV’s late the night before knowing i couldn’t have anything to eat or drink after midnight. It will be very hard for the nurses to get an IV in your vein if you are very dehydrated, the more you drink the night before, the better your veins will be. - Bring your own pads or even female pull ups whatever you prefer. They do supply you pads but they’re the big huge thick ones that most people hate. - Have Motrin ready to take as soon as you’re done. - Get a heating pad for afterwards it really is soothing. - Walk as much as you can, it helps with the pain and swelling and helps get the clots out. - Firmly massage over your uterus area it will help get the clots out and help your uterus shrink back down to size faster. - If your BMI is over 40 they won’t be able to do an asleep abortion there since they don’t have advanced airway management there. You’re a higher risk of respiratory depression during sedation when you’re overweight. I wasn’t aware of this until i talked with the history nurse. Luckily i was right at 40 and the anesthetist cleared me. - If you need to be sedated they will make you have someone sign you in and sign you out. But they can’t come inside and wait with you. You cannot drive yourself. - They’re going to tell you not to put anything in your vagina for 1 week post op- no tampons, menstrual cups, no sex, nothing internally placed. Also no swimming or sitting in a bathtub for a week. This is all to prevent infection. You want the drainage to drain and not build up bacteria inside you. - You are going to be more fertile after the procedure. It can take 4 weeks to get your period again, you can get pregnant before you have a period, use birth control! They don’t do IUD insertions there so consider getting birth control pills or the depo shot while you’re there.