I I guess I'm looking for validation that this is textbook, and I am looking at this correctly. I guess that is the effect of being gaslit - you don’t know your reality is really your reality. But I am here, and asking for help, because I will need to see him for the next 12 years (our kids go to the same school). This will be in passing and at events, but I am traumatized, still recovering, and just scared. I am looking for some insights because I spent about 2 months trying to fit my story into a box of emotional and narcissistic abuse…. But it's not that....I see that now. If you are able to share tidbits of knowledge, or point me in the direction of more clarity, I would appreciate it so much. Thank you so so much.
I am going to write out the cliff notes. I imagine a lot of you can fill in the parts I leave out as from what I read on here, it’s typical.
I met him walking my kid to school. He walked the same way every day. Over time, we became friends, and I learned he was trying to leave his marriage. Once he did, the relationship happened fast – too fast. He seemed so 100 percent sure of me and it was odd. I often looked disheveled walking to school and tired….I am not sure what he saw in me. But, I felt sure of him too, but wanted to go slower. I tried to slow it down, but at the same time, didn't. I am responsible for that. I felt like a hamster on a wheel after a few weeks and was able to tell him that I need the weekdays for myself, for my work, and for my kid. He seemed to respect that.
But he often romanticized the first few weeks together....even in the last days.
Quickly, I started to notice the emotional dysregulation. There was a lot going on for him: moving out, going through the divorce, parenting, work….so I understood it. I was also still getting to know him. Then severe trauma responses and triggers started happening. They would lead to these large child-like reactions with a lot of tears and anger. I didn't understand it but knew enough to know he had trauma to work through, and perhaps was feeling it for the first time. Each time this happened, there was nothing I could say to help or get him out of it, he would blame me a lot and say I was the cause, and he expected me (without saying it) to be there for him 110% even though I couldn’t. And truthfully, I didn’t want to….I wanted him to be able to handle that for himself or realize it was an issue. I didn't have the tools to deal with it and suggested he try deeper therapy. He agreed.
When he first met with the therapist, she told him it is like a virus takes over his brain and he is convinced in those moments. That was music to my ears at the time. But that is the last time I felt that way.
After a few months of this cycle continuing, I started detoriating. First my mental health, and then my physical health. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like we couldn’t go a few days without him reacting to something small. I wrote in my journal many times “there's no amount of validation I can give this person.”
I didn't point it to excessive adoration and validation, I could not see that really, but if he texted me 5 things and I responded to all 4 logistical ones and ended with "love you too" I was chastised. If I was driving and did not respond to an “i love you,” I was called out for it. At the end of October, I told him I needed the weekend to clean my apartment. It happened to be 60 degrees that day and of course, I would have preferred to be outside, but I am an adult and could not blow off my commitment to myself to clean. That day he messaged me 18 times that me missed me. He kept inviting me out. I kept asking him to stop, because clearly I would prefer to do something else than clean, but needed to. The missing was excessive. I didn’t even know what he meant. We lived next door to eachother. That night, I had to work, and he was upset with me because to him, it was optional and I should have chose to see him.
There were so many moments when he wanted so much comfort I couldn't provide. We were both single parents. That kind of affection goes to my kid....and I couldn't give it to him in that way. He would even want the affection when he hurt me.
He would see my daughter freak out at me and then say that I don’t love her enough, and he would joke they are the same….
It wasn’t a joke?
As time went on, and his therapy went on, and he felt validated by the therapist, the blame came on more and never left. It started in August, and even when I'd get an apology, it would be for the impact (what I'm responsible for) and not his intent. He'd argue with me over seeing his intent clearly. I'd say I don't care about your intent, you're killing me. It didn’t matter, nothing did.
I never felt like we could repair any incidents. As the blame went on, I really questioned myself. I wondered if he was right. What if I don't love enough? What if I don't receive love well? I've been in therapy for 20 years and know I have limitations but I'm not an asshole…
I felt coerced a lot of the time.
I felt he wanted me to change a lot....he wanted me to be less blunt, more loving, more balanced, work less even though he was awful with money, have sex when sick, injured or mentally dead from the day, always be happy to see him, don't be affected by the trauma responses and don't try to talk to him about it, don't take space and if I do, prepare for some kind of punishment, love him and miss him endlessly, do everything together, if I am dysregulated, he wanted me to regulate with him….
I noticed I started taking precautions to keep myself dafe. I didn’t realize I was setting boundaries to prevent the abuse but I was. I’d say I was busy when I wasn’t. I wouldn’t accept or ask him to get me from the airport, knowing I would not be 100% happy after a flight and that would cause a fight (as it did). I didn’t ask for help, and when I did ask for help, I would expect the help to not happen. I did not communicate anything he did “wrong” (like, you said you would drop off quarters for laundry on monday….do you have them?)
There were a lot of moments we would have deep conversations and I felt like we were getting somewhere, that he heard me.
I'll fast forward to the end because this is already way longer than I wanted….and it’s sad that I know it could be so much longer.
In the last month, he reacted and blamed me for everything. There were at least 5 major incidents. After the last one, I told him I was done. It was really bad and left me spending $50 to uber home in the snow, when I could barley walk as is (I had a herniated disc in my back and could barley walk). That month, I lost health insurance, and after begging for time to just take care of the injury, he told me we need intensive couples counseling. I had asked to just continue our therapist until we could change. That wasn't enough. The next weekend he asked me to go to a Gottman weekend. I said I couldn't leave my kid to do that right now and needed to take care of my help.
After that snow episode, that was really bad, laced with blame in the unpacking, I said I'm done, I can't do it. I was crying uncontrollably. I was scared. I really did not know who I was speaking to. After an hour, right when I needed to leave, he snapped out of whatever mindset he was in and told me he'd do anything, that he would work on anything, to please stay. I had to go, I could not think anymore. So in desperation, the only thing I asked for was to go alone on a trip with my daughter. He was scheduled to come with us. I said I needed time just with her. He agreed.
And honestly, he held up his end of the bargain....until he didn't.
3 days before the trip everything fell apart. I worked 12 hours that day and at the end of the day, went to pour water in a cup at home. It was the only time we had together before I left for the week. He hugged me from behind while I was pouring the water (....remember herniated disc in my back). I asked him to please stop and just let me have a second to pour the water.
He said "there's no turning back from this" and got his stuff to leave. I was floored. I was so upset because I knew where this was going - the blame game. He left, wouldn't come back, and then continued to blame me for the next 2 days about how I was an asshole the days before, only spent time with him out of obligation (not true), and rewrote history. I had a stomach bug all weekend and could not eat, but still tried to hang out as much as I reasonably could, and that was not enough.
The water incident was Wednesday, Thursday he had therapy and reinforced the blame, and I ended up leaving without saying goodbye. It was a week. I wanted to believe this relationship could survive a week. But I was clear with him days before: I am working up until I need to leave Friday so I can have real time off with my kid. He was upset I did not find him to say goodbye, even though he made no attempt to make peace earlier. But of course, my fault.
That night, he claimed down. Was nice. But it was a trap. After 12 hours of him being nice in text he said he was only doing it hoping I felt remorse and realized how wrong I was. He told me over and over he wouldn't see it differently. He said he read the transcript of our texts to 2 therapists and his friends and it’s clear: I am wrong. May be important to name here that we are both in our late 30’s.
I said that I want to work this out and I'll talk when we can actually discuss it and I'm willing to hear his side but not willing to blindly take all responsibility. He nailed me on every response, telling me how wrong my response was and what I should have done differently.
I was with my kid and could not talk. When I said "why are you doing this now, you know I can’t really respond" he told me to stop avoiding.
That night, he ghosted me for the first time in the relationship and I panicked. I called him a few times. No answer.
The next day, despite him never doing that to me before, he called me controlling for calling.
At 7am the next morning he told me our relationship was over in a text. This man, who 7 days before was professing his love and understanding of me ended the engagement in a text. This of course continued with a back and forth. I asked him to please stop. To please pause and talk to me when i'm back in 5 days. He told me to fight for the relationship or it was over. I said “I am just waking up with my 7 year old, in a hotel, please stop.” I asked him to attend couples therapy in 3 days to talk this out. He said “you accept all responsibility and change your behavior or we are done.” I asked if he was willing to talk and he said the problem was my perception and that it's wrong, so unless I change we are done. I knew this wasn't ok but I was so blindsided I did not know what to do. He agreed to go to couples therapy Thursday. We barley talked. There were a few more messages of him telling me he needs to know I can live a drama free life and celebrate his love and see it all as beautiful (almost verbatim). At this point, all I wanted to do is keep the dial down. I pushed back saying, “I cannot teach my daughter that someone can just tell her that her emotions and feelings are wrong, I hope you will be willing to talk and we can get on the same page.”
He agreed to go to couples therapy, and then didn't show up. He texted me 10 minutes before saying he was not going. I begged and pleaded. But he had the couples therapist to tell me he wasn't going to go. He had her tell me. I lost it. I lost my mind. I had been reeling for days. Not sleeping. Putting on a fake smile all day with my kid while I was dying inside. Staying up late to cry, process, read, figure out wtf was going on…
I called him about 10 times and of course, he told me it was inappropriate. He then picked up and gave me 10 minutes. He again wanted me to take all responsibility for everything. I was so shaken, I just fawned. I said ok. When I'm back I hope we can talk but if you want me to accept blame for now, fine.
Everything was calmer for 2 days until we were heading back and he texted me something along the lines of "don't fool me" I was like wtf? He said "there's no turning back. There's no other chances." I was like wait what? And then it was "don't make me look like a fool" I had no idea what was going on. I was like "um what is this?" He essentially was reinforcing his stance: I am to blame for everything in the present and past. If I try to talk to him about his side I'm wrong. I need to repent and one wrong move (defined by him) is a misstep and there's no room for error (his words). I was like....I will be in a relationship based in reality, and I will own my part and parts, but i will not be in something that i'm to blame for everything. That is not healthy. I have also been in abusive relationships before.
He then stopped messaging me. Didn't care that we got into flight issues. Didn't care we made the flight back. That night he came over and was a victim. Claimed in the 5 days I was gone he found himself. That he wasn't focused at work because of me and now he is. He wanted to try to be together. I had no idea what reality I was in. We slept together. He left. And told me we'd talk the next day. All of this felt so weird but I was just hoping he would snap out of this and back to reality and we would be able to talk. But I also knew this had to end at this point.
The next day, he didn't answer me all day. This was the opposite of behavior I ever experienced from him. Did not respond to texts or pick up the phone. We had a training appointment and he had the trainer tell me he wasn't coming. I broke down in tears. I begged him to just answer a text. He didn't. He drove by me while walking the dog and did not stop. I emailed him, expressing my confusion, telling him this is not what we agreed to. He blocked me. That night I got an email from him letting me know he was moving 10 min away. He lived next door in another apt building. He actually assured me the day before he “was not going anywhere.” In that email, he listed out the calls and texts I sent and how inappropriate it was. He never said we were done. He said taking space, needing space…so in my head I was confused but see it now.
I was inconsolable. I didn’t respond.
But here is the issue I am still in: I needed to see him dropping his kid at school the next day. I will need to see him for the next 12 years unless I move.
The following Friday he stood next to me at a school event. I purposely stood in the back to have space and be able to leave if I needed to. He went next to me. When I told him he should sit, he said he didn't want to make it obvious to his ex wife. I asked him to speak that Friday. He said ok but he was moving. I cried instantly. Already? I said ok.
On Saturday am, I saw the truck pull up and left the house. I called him that Saturday. I was blocked.
The next wednesday he asked me for a series of logistics in a text. None of which I handled yet. Wanting me to cancel flights and settle up money spent together. No mention or responsibility for all the money wasted on tickets we will never use. But then…in the text, asked for my engagement ring back.
I responded to logistics. Not the ring
He then called me 3 hours later because something went really wrong in his legal case. He wanted me to understand and validate him. I did....I just turned off my feelings for a moment. At the end he said, so about the flights. Can you handle it? "If i cancel it for you and your son i also have to do it for me and my kid. It's all on the same reservation" "well if you can go and not make sexual advances on me then we can try to go together.” I was like wtf? I could not have sex for months due to my injury. But he wanted to. Was this way of setting up blame that if we DID sleep together I would be to blame? I was like “I will cancel it for all of us.”
He then ran down more logistics and I said honestly you didn't seem done. I don't understand what you're doing. He said "im done" i hung up the phone.
He asked me for the ring again that night in a text. I said no, I need time to process this.
Everything since then has been a transaction. If i have a genuine emotion, he gets upset that i have it at all. He continues to sit next to me at school events because he claims he does not want his ex-wife to think we are done (this is insane to me….). I realize now that if it is a “good” interaction he is happy. If I am sad, then it is a “bad” one.
He never told his son we broke up, and shamed me for telling my daughter.
Recently he asked me a question and I was annoyed, and he said "can you not be mad at me?" I said “no, I can't not be mad at you…”
In the last 3 months, he’s said "I don't want to confuse things" has come up a lot. I don’t know if he is saying that to me or himself.
I have been so stuck trying to understand how I could not take space at all from him, to being totally discarded. I know he went back to spending, and drinking, but I don’t think he is seeing anyone.
He only responds when he wants to. He ignores other things. I never was able to get an MRI for my back because the claim went through a DR he set up for me and he never sent me the info when I asked.
I got the money back he owed me, but still lost so much money.
He told me he missed me one time.
I don’t know who this person is.
I will have to see him for the next 12 years while the kids are in school unless I move. I am not going to move just to avoid him, but I need to heal so I can be strong enough. I don’t know if he is going to try to come back. I have been in therapy and am getting clearer about what brought me into this in the first place.
Any clarity you can help me with, on this, and what may come from here, would be really helpful. It will help me direct some of my searches and begin to piece things together to process in therapy. I have severe anxiety when I run into him at school.
I have never had to heal from something like this before. At first, I thought it was healing from a narcissistic discard….this feels like so much more.
Does it sound like he will want to come back?
Is there ever closure?

Honestly, the only reason to watch official stream are drops on lolesports.com, but is it worth it? I can now say absolutely not. Putting aside other problems of lolesports website... Drops are getting worse. Well, fewer definitely. Few guaranteed exclusive emotes this MSI are nice and all, but drop rate overall is terrible. 22 drops I got this year watching every single game. 6 of them are mentioned emotes (I somehow didn't get Corki emote?), 2 promo codes for chair, and 2 K'Sante champions... So 12 esport capsules, that gives you a little of orange essence if you have all amotes already, which are not hard to get at all, if you got capsules watching any leagues spring split or worlds last year. 22 drops compared to last years 58, knowing I still missed some then. They are gradually removing drops (just like every league free rewards) like quadra kill this year, triple kill, silver crapes and aces I used to get before and some more random drops for memorable moments. If there is someone watching on official website for drops, instead of their favourite streamer, just don't... (I know there were some ways to watch costreamers on lolesports if you change codes, but not everyone wants to mess with that) Oh, I can't forget the best part. Words drop/drops are banned in official stream chat. Just why?

HR professional with 3 years of HR experience... 1.5 yr in LMS (using a very outdated system) 1 yr generalist (wore many hats at a startup, did recruiting, compliance, employee relations) 1 yr hr coordinator ( general admin tasks specific to company and not really transferable)
I have an Industrial organizational background and unfortunately did not get setup with a good school with careers or a network after school. Additionally I ve aomehow landed into HR since jobs were hard to come by graduating during the COVID-19 pandemic.
I feel like climbing HR has been a slow climb and don't feel like my degree has helped me. I thought I wanted to work as a consultant but I like the HRIS. However I'm finding it difficult to pivot into this nich even with my experience and background.
What are some tips to someone like me who wants to get into this field? Or, what are potential career pivots related or non related that are not costly. I'm in my early 30s and don't want debt and want something that could be done within 5 years max.
I believe I'm very novice to the field given my experience but it seems like more companies are wanting so much requirements from HR professionals and it does not translate into reasonable pay.
Generalist being asked to fill managedirector roles, HR roles translating to completely different roles its a bit frustrating

There are two kinds of people: one who teaches how to become rich and the one who teaches how to earn a lot, but their methods don't work for the people who are learning it. I mean to say that there are many people who tell us to do this and you'll become successful in your life. Like our school teachers used to say that. And now in the social media era, many scammers or people who sell courses say to do this and you will make money, but instead, the ones promoting those concepts or teaching earn a lot more than the consumer. I think our basic level of education is so bad that it doesn't make us able to think practically and implement it throughout our life to bring personal or societal changes or to fulfill our desires or needs.
Nowadays, after COVID and the recession, we are all getting rejected from jobs and all that, and there is also climate change that may destroy the economy and create a water crisis in the coming years. The greenhouse effect in this country is another issue. As we look at other countries and try to move there to earn, the money coming from foreign employment makes people in our country spend more. Some hotel owners think that people are liking their services and should increase prices because people can afford it, but this is the main reason for inflation in different sectors. I don't know how many years this will continue, but rapid urbanization with no government control is going to cause huge problems in the near future, and it is very concerning. I think the corruption level is increasing so much that we can't control it.
What is your opinion about it? Will you be able to survive in the coming future, for example, paying Rs 50K per month for a nursery class student's fee? Will you be able to pay that much? There are many concerning questions completely ignored by government officials and all the living Nepali people, as they don't have proper education either. If things go this way, there is no way to fix Nepal, and it will be terrible in the coming future, remaining a backward country with the worst economic handlers and no population and pollution control.

I'm sure most of Chicago/Booth/Kellogg have heard of this company by now, but they also started recruiting consultants/MBA for their other branches (T25) so I made a post.
TLDR: If you're toxic, there's more worthy places to climb. If you aren't toxic, you will either be disgusted or turn toxic. This place will tank your resume/career progression if you stay for more than 2-3 years.
Quick Intro: McMaster-Carr is the Amazon of Industrial Supplies. They ship to the US Miltary, manufacturers, engineers, technicians, etc... Their customers are the engineers but the bills are paid by the Finance Dept hence as long as McM do a consistent good job delivering to the engineers, they can charge exorbitant amount (e.g $30 screw and $50 shipping; real example.) Their margins on most items are between 50% to 250% and revenue is $5B+. This is how they can pay entry managements with 0yoe $170k (bonus included, deferred saving excluded; see more below) and middle managers (3-10YOE) up to $300k.
Path/Exit: You will get a random rotation every 6-18 months. The rotation can be literally anything from Warehouse Operations Management Role to HR to Finance/Fraud. Management Trainee (0-18m depending on your background/initial performance). Supervisor (no pay raise as MT are expected to become Sup eventually; can be skipped if you have pre-MBA exp and did well in your initial performance.) ManageSeniorM (3-5yoe/5-8yoe; most people languished here until they decided to go all in or all out with McMaster.) After this come Regional ManageDirectoVP. You can leave at M/SM and might still be able to transition to a new careeindustry afterward. Otherwise, it's a tough sale. Even before the mid-2023 general market downturn, I knew Regional/Directors who took 1+ year just to switch to another industrial/industrial job. Not even an industry switch.
Their Targets: In the past, 95%+ of management came from straight out of Ivy/Top Liberal Arts undergrad. This breeds an incredibly toxic environment since many of them are not mature/don't have leadership experience (the cream of the crop don't consider McMaster) and it's a case of the blinds leading the blinds. McM had a purge of toxic leaders back in mid-2010s but this problem returned. Since then, they have tried to recruit a few more consultants rather than depending solely on fresh grads. This recruiting effort has and continued to go miserably. Despite mass reach-out effort every single year, they only got some ex-B4 (1 Parthenon but the rest is regular B4), but they couldn't get anyone from T2 or MBB.
Nature of the work: (Micro)managing individual contributors and troubleshooting outdated issues (that you wouldn't find in a 40yo+ warehouse) if you get a warehouse rotation. McM tries to sell you on these, but from my post-McM interviews as well as McM managers' outcomes, these skills are worthless. For once, the ICs get paid quite well so they work very hard. Management, in an attempt to justify their outrageous salary, tries to micromanage all the time even when outclassed by 20+ years of knowledge. IC vs Management issue will be further discussed in the Cons section. Another issue is that managing blue-collar is no way the same as managing white-collar so most hiring managers don't really care for this exp. The company doesn't really do marketing, M&A, or new market (it took them 30+ years to just now opening a new branch in Texas because McM's tech couldn't handle having 6 warehouses instead of 5.) I'm not kidding. They passed on growth opportunity for 30+ years because they didn't want to change... Also because the company doesn't do marketing, they are not good at customer behavior analytics, resulting in their website redesign that took 2+ years to get scraped ater 1 week due to customer complaints.)
Pro:
• Their pay. McM has a 2.9 Glassdoor rating despite having a 4.6 rating in Compensation and Benefits. Pay include:

 •Base (0yoe: ~115k; ~$10k for each add year; ~$160k for Manager) •Profit Sharing (average 50%+ of base; lowest was ~33% in 2008 & 45% in 2020; 2022 was ~50%+ and 2023 was ~60%) •Deferred Saving (25% of Base&PS. Vest schedule 0%/20%/40%/60%/80%/100% over 6 years.) 

• Their Education tuition policy: After the first 3 months, You can take any part-time program (e.g PT-MBA, PT-MS, PT-MA) or Certificate completely free, doesn’t have to be work-related, and no string attached. You can literally leave after they paid for your tuition and can still finish your course.
Cons: Glassdoor Reviews:
• There’s another purge/headcount reduction going on right now. A tidbit is that management above your level can see the performance review of everyone below them. This contributes to how much drama, backstabbing, and rumors float internally. Recently, an ex-Trainee even wrote a long post calling out his spineless manager and backstabbing coworkers in a GroupMe with 100+ members of management. The manager left soon after. The ex-MT even told McMaster to blacklist his undergrad for recruiting. Absolute legend.
• The operations and tech stack are very constrained and not replicable. The company uses 80s IBM Tech for CRM/ERP so unless you’re working on a Website-related project (which you can sometimes use Python/SQL), you will be writing outdated queries to pull data. McM also doesn’t use Powerpoint so you will have to learn Adobe Indesign. The company’s warehouses themselves have a ton of makeshifts and outdated stuff. If you get a warehouse assignment, you will be putting out fires arose from issues not addressed by the original warehouse design. If you think you will be value-add to a company like Amazon after your McMaster’s experience, you are wrong. Amazon warehouses are built in the early/mid 2010s and have about 30 years of new automation/technology integrated to them. McM is still tinkering with their first automated warehouse. Experience putting out fixed/nonexistent issues is worthless.
• This company hire fake review writers. You will notice the positive reviews are all generic and one line whereas the negative reviews (from both Managements and ICs) are all super long and super informative. You will also notice that there’s no longer a “Most Helpful” sort on Glassdoor. This is because all the negative reviews get liked so much. Now it’s just “Most Popular” which is just fake reviews with 0 like/dislike.
• Relationships between Management and Individual Contributors are more fraught than ever. The situation has always been incredibly tense because ICs were viewed with incredible disdain by Management (most of whom are rich Ivy/Top School graduates) but has only gotten worse with automation and market uncertainty.
• Management’s official policy is to never promote Individual Contributors. A fresh grad (0YOE) can instantly become a supervisor but somehow an IC needed 8+ years of consistent excellent performance to be considered. Management can become Manager in as little as 2yoe out of Undergrad, whereas IC -> Manager is so rare I can count the Chicago Branch on two hands. And no, it’s not because ICs are not qualified/hardworking. Just imagine how hard it is to work at Amazon-pace for EIGHT YEARS just to be equal to a college brown-nose.
• Management’s unofficial policy is to avoid eye contact or saying hello to ICs unless the ICs initiated it. ICs were afraid to take more than one food/souvenir item during an open house event even though we had so much leftover. A manager even complained that other managers were making fun of ICs for work-place injuries (think Amazon warehouse-like injuries such as overexertion, nerve damage, wrist/knees/back issues.) Absolutely devoid of humanity.
• The company had been automating part of the Atlanta and Chicago warehouses. Managements assigned to be tour guides of these automated warehouses were told to lie say that no IC headcount reduction will occur. Obviously, there were a rise in suspicious performance evaluation after these were built. Also, I was one of the tour guides and were asked by multiple ICs where the observation cameras will be in the ceiling. The fact that multiple raised this seemingly-joking-yet-alarming question tells you just how much Management has trained ICs to become paranoid over time. If you’re a new-hire consultant and feels related to this meme, just know you will be holding the mop to clean up and not the lightsaber.

Hey, long story I’m a senior and have alot of friends at school and I’m quite popular. Lately I’ve been experiencing what I can only describe to my best ability as just hate for everyone around me. I hate conversing with people, my friends, my parents, my teachers, literally everyone. I have had so many instances in the past week were I’ve lashed out on my girlfriend so I’ve just decided to cut communication with everyone. I have not gone to school, I have not spoken to anyone, I’ve fought with my parents for no reason at all and I don’t know what is causing me to feel this way. All I do now is sleep, I have lost any desire to eat or do anything productive but the catch is I’m not feeling any feelings of anxiety, sadness, anger or anything — I’ve just started hating everything for no reason at all. I suspect bipolar

I’m a incoming freshman and I’m going to major in Data Science, however, I just realized the major is currently unaccredited at my school. According to my school’s website, it will “seek accreditation from ABET after the first cohort of students graduate” (the major was just launched a couple of years ago at the school).
While there is a chance that the degree will become accredited before I graduate, will it harm me in my co-op/internship searches? Even after I graduate, will it harm me when I look for jobs?

hello everyone, just checking with seniors who have deferred uni b4 for personal reasons besides medical and NS, is it possible to get a spot reserve confirmation from NUS & SMU before I choose to accept one of their offers by 24 may? Ideally I hope to accept a university that can reserve a spot for me.
due to personal reasons, I would like to defer uni for 1 year, but my RP is barely at 10% IGP and I got in via ABA so if universities do not allow me to reserve a slot, I might not get in when I reapply next year. I have already searched online that NUS doesn't really entertain deferment for students unless due to ns or extenuating medical circumstances. SMU's website says we have to email them on a case-by-case basis. But besides the publicly available info, in reality have any seniors heard of people who actually managed to defer? and how did they do it? Thank you so much in advance!!

Okay, so I got this idea by a comment about Voldemort having hundreds of followers. But to make this reasonable and believable, I'm thinking this.
Wizard / witches gene always win compared to non magical variants. In other words, the child of a witch or wizard is always a witch or wizard. Exception still happen, so there are still squibs who can still see magical creatures, but are unable to cast magic.
They can still carve runes, make potions and do other low level stuff. And the child of a squib or two squibs would always be a wizard or witch.
So. As a consequence of THAT, squibs wouldn't be disinherited. Which means, they would remain in the magical world, which means more bodies to reproduce with.
Now, instead of only being a couple of percentages world wide, the magical population is closer to twenty percent of world population. Or more. Haven't decided what would be most reasonable.
So, instead of there only being a couple of schools world wide, there are dozens if not hundreds of schools. So, schools are constantly competing to have a spot in the top ten/twenty/top three.
Spoiler alert. Canon Hogwarts would not be in the top twenty. Or in the top thirty for that matter. And it sure as hell wouldn't be in the top three either. I did say canon Hogwarts though. But anyway, let's say there are... three schools in Britain alone? Hogwarts would be the best in Britain, but it wouldn't be the best in the world. (like I said earlier)
But think about it. Witches and wizards would still be in hiding, but they wouldn't be outnumbered as much anymore. A lot of them would resent having to hide. Because they have people everywhere. In every business. In every branch of the government and or the military.
Voldemort wouldn't just have a few dozen followers. He could have many times that many. But he also wouldn't be the worst. Internationally, he'd be considered a big fish in a small pond.
For some reason, I'm remembering a scene about how Voldemort is confronted by the DENTISTS who torture people and people ASK them to be tortured. (fic I'm referring to was crack)
So, taking all of that, you would have a significant different story, I think. Now, about the muggle born issue... In my head, muggle born would actually be pure bloods? I mean, they'd be naturally stronger, because they're the first? 'real' pure bloods on the other hand, weakened their bloodline by breeding too closely with relatives?
Actually, now that I think about it, if there are so many more witches and wizards, then I don't think they WOULD marry too closely, simply because there's far more choices?
Another way to go about it, is that witches and wizards THINK they're still hiding, but they're actually a public secret. Something that's known but isn't talked about? Like how in a smaller village/city/town everyone knows 'that' drunk who can't help but steal but is really a nice guy, but they don't actually talk about it?
(Just to draw a comparison)
But anyway, that's the gist of the idea I have.
Thoughts?

This is half rant, half cry for help. I've been scouring the web trying to find a good water filter, and it feels like wandering through a minefield.
The gold standard seems to be an NSF certification. My view is, if I'm buying the product for literally one reason, water quality, then it better have an NSF certification that guarantees water quality. I'm not the kind of person who takes one-way submarine trips to see the Titanic because I trust "independent third party" verification.
But then why are so many of the most popular brands not NSF certified? Because it's expensive? I call bullshit. It's a one-time expense for a highly-regarded certification you can flaunt forever after. The real reason is that the filter would fail and the company knows that.
Ok, so filter out every company without an NSF certification. But be careful, because some companies get sneaky by saying "it is tested to NSF standards". Yeah probably tested to NSF standards by some dude in a garage. More bullshit, filter them out.
Next, there are companies who say their components are NSF-certified, but tip-toe around the fact that their whole system is not NSF-certified. Filter them out.
Ok phew, now we should be left with NSF certified filters. But wait, NSF has a bunch of different categories, which ones do I care about? Hmmm... I am mostly focused on health, so it seems like NSF53 (health effects) and NSF231 (microbiological water purifiers) are the ones.... right?
So I go to the info.nsf.org website and start searching by the NSF53 standard, but then I discover that every "NSF/ANSI 53" certified product is only certified for a particular subset of "claims"! For example, one filter might claim "cyst reduction" and be certified for only that, while another might claim "cyst, lead, VOC, asbestos, and 1,2,3-trichloropropane (???) reduction" and be certified for that. Do both of those filters get to say they have NSF53 certification?
Oh my god, I just want to know if it's safe to drink the damn water. Can anyone help me find what I'm looking for?

Affirming Psychologists 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈
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Hi, I have a general question that I am hoping someone may be able to provide an answer to. I am thinking about applying for a LOA without pay for 1 semester, maybe a year. The leave would be isted as OTH Unpaid Leave up to a year. What are some of the legitimate reasons that one might list as a reason for taking it when asked? I might do some schooling for a semester, and I am also not sure that I want to continue teaching and need some time to think about weather or not I should just leave the profession all together. I am actually in a board in the GTA. I am permanent with 2 full years in with the board. Thanks for any advice provided.

Language is important. If there's one thing I've learned from therapy, that movie Arrival, and half-paying attention to a 1984 audiobook in high school, it's that problems can only be solved when we have terms to describe them. I think "dead internet" is going to become a really useful phrase in the next couple years. For example, the bot situation on Twitter has gotten really bad recently, but that's only concerning because the new structure of the website is giving these content farms more visibility than the rest of us weird losers who post stupid stuff for our own amusement. These are clickfarms buying blue checkmarks for the business of engagement, not a secret government conspiracy to manipulate people with The Algorithms or whatever the hell.

im a 17f I am graduating this year, however, due to my family and finances, I decided to take a gap year, and before I do start my gap year, I wanted to know what areas I could work on until the ED1 season. (prob my first post, so forgive me for the bad formatting)
Demographics: 17f
Asian(from a developing country)
school: Public school
intended major: engineering/physics
hooks: international???
Academics: SAT: Very expensive so I wasn’t able to give one yet, but I will this summer.
Class rank: School doesnt do rank.
UW/W GPA: 3.95UW, School doesnt do honors classes so no weighted gpa.
Coursework: Took the most A levels in the entire school(Mathematics, Physics, CS, Business).
Awards: 1. International robotics competition - gold 2. Harvard MUN - bronze/honorable mention 3. National robotics competition - gold 4. several MUN awards as a delegate and a chair, national and school level 5. several robotics awards that were from small competitions, mostly region level 6. AMO 2 times silver medal 7. Computational thinking/Coding olympiads
Extracurriculars: 1. Public speaking(a few TEDxs) 2. Developed a few websites 3. Technician at school events 4. Head of coding club 5. Head organizer of school events 6. MUN Chairing a bit too many times
Last but not least,my delusional list 1. UChicago 2. GeorgiaTech 3. Vanderbilt 4. Tsinghua 5. Nanyang
I AM OPEN TO ANY ADVICES AND CRITIQUES, SO GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT, YOU GENIUSES

Hello, everyone. It's only been a couple of days since my last post. Since then, I have taken the advice most of you have given me and I talked to my mom about how I don't want to keep being forced by her to visit Eric (my sperm donor, as most of you referred to him as).
Long story short, I'm not 100% sure she won't continue to send me over to Eric's house, but she did wind up sending him long texts, chewing him out for not treating me right and telling him to step up and pay his child support. He didn't answer her though, so I followed some other advice and wrote him a long text myself that detailed how I felt about his treatment of me the last few years.
The thing is, as soon as I sent that text, he called me to yell at me and called me spoiled and overdramatic. He said it's my fault we don't have a relationship since I never visit or talk to him anymore, and because I mentioned the unpaid child support, he said that I was only reaching out to him for money.
I nearly cried during that phone call and wound up just hanging up on him. He sent some angry texts to my mother as well. But later that day, he left a voicemail on my phone saying, "Money is kind of tight for me right now. I'm completely broke. You know I love you, right?" The thing is that I know that's a lie because I'm always seeing my younger step-sister make Tik-Tok videos showing off the Sephora and other expensive crap he buys her all the time.
I think I'm done trying. And some of you suggested asking my stepdad for help. I wish I could, but when I asked my mom again if he could adopt me, she said something that absolutely crushed me. Apparently, my stepdad himself said he doesn't feel like he should adopt me. My stepdad is a very kind and sympathetic man, but he's also extremely unconfrontational and thinks it would be like a slap in the face to Eric if he adopted me.
Also, because I noticed some confusion about this in the comments on my last update, the reason my parents divorced was because he cheated, but it wasn't with his current wife. My parents split up when I was still basically an infant, and Eric lived in Canada where he jumped from girlfriend to girlfriend there before he moved down here and continued to jump from girlfriend to girlfriend. When I was 12, he met and knocked up his wife, Alejandra, and married her without telling me till a month after their courthouse wedding.
Also, some of you asked how old I am. I am fifteen. It feels ridiculous that I have this stress on me at my age, and I can't really talk to anyone about it. I can't talk to my stepdad because he's always working and I'm only ever with him when my mom is there too, and I don't like talking to her because she always tells me that I'm too young to really feel how I feel.
The last time I tried to discuss my mental health with my mom, I asked her if I could start going to therapy and she said that therapists are dumb and that I can just talk to her or pray to God if anything is wrong. I'm not super religious, and talking to her about anything serious makes me deeply uncomfortable. It's not that I don't love her, since she is my mom after all, but she's pretty intense and intimidating.
My dad has not reached out to me again since his voicemail. Frankly, I don't want to even thing about him for a long while now If he suddenly realizes how badly he's screwed up with me and apologizes, then maybe I'll try to rebuild our relationship.
As for my stepdad, he may not want to adopt me, but he still calls me his daughter (never just his step-daughter) and I truly feel loved by him. I love his parents like they're my own grandparents, and his whole family is so warm and loving. I might make another update if anything else happens, but for now I'm just going to focus on school and my books. Maybe now that I understand that Eric really doesn't care that much about me anymore, I can finally focus on finishing my third book.
I dedicated my first book to him, and I honestly don't regret it. I dedicated that book to the dad he used to be. It's not like he'll ever read that book since he doesn't think it's smart that I want to be a writer, but I don't care. I'm done.
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and told me I wasn't the jerk. I feel so much better with those reassurances. Thank you.

I (26F) met a guy (43M) on Tinder in November and we started dating in January. We only chatted through Snapchat because he didn't like the way messages from iPhone appeared on his Google phone. It was a decent relationship but I broke up with him earlier this month, because he started a new work schedule which put a strain on his mood and gave no time for us to hang out and I just really didn't want to add more stress in his life. He seemed to take it real well and when I asked him if he wanted to keep streaks alive, because he was my first Snapstreak and I really only kept them going because he liked them so much and he said yes, so I've been still sending them every day.
Two weeks ago my ex from teenage years (45m) started messaging me on Snapchat because that was also our primary mode of contact so he could access my location when he needed to and I won't get into it but he just sends some really stressing things. Because of this, I deleted my Snapchat and made a new one.
When I messaged my ex (43M) I apologized for ending the streaks and didn’t get into the why but told him "I had to delete my old account because some really disturbing things have been being sent to me" and I offered to start streaks up again, but as I was adding some of my friends on there his name disappeared and when I searched him again, it showed he blocked me.
I texted him and asked him if he blocked me and if he did, he doesn't have to unblock me, but just why. A couple hours later I tried calling him and found out he blocked my phone number. I re-activated my old Snapchat to see if I could save our streaks and maybe that was the reason he was upset but after I messaged him on there, he blocked me on that, too.
I don't really understand why he did what he did. I am very confused and I don't think I've ever treated him poorly. Did the streaks mean that much??? The first thing I did when I chose my new Snapchat name was add and message him, so doesn't that show more than the Snapstreak??
I don't think I'm really sad about losing contact with him because this is a real big turn off for me, so I definitely don't want him as a friend, but it's just so out of the blue and I don't get it!!! I know this is something I'll never really get closure on so in my mind, I'm just going to think he lost his phone in the woods and a rando picked it up and went through deleting all the fine ass honeys on his snap to give him a little rush

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I'm sure most of Chicago/Booth/Kellogg have heard of this company by now, but they recently started recruiting consultants/MBA for their other branches (T25) so I made a post.
Quick Intro: McMaster-Carr is the Amazon of Industrial Supplies. They ship to the US Miltary, manufacturers, engineers, technicians, etc... Their customers are the engineers but the bills are paid by the Finance Dept hence as long as McM do a consistent good job delivering to the engineers, they can charge exorbitant amount (e.g $30 screw and $50 shipping; real example.)This is how they can pay entry managements with 0yoe $170k (bonus included, deferred saving excluded) and middle managers (3-10YOE) up to $300k.
Path/Exit: You will get a random rotation every 6-18 months. The rotation can be literally anything from Warehouse Operations Management Role to HR to Finance/Fraud. Management Trainee (0-18m depending on your background/initial performance). Supervisor (no pay raise as MT are expected to become Sup eventually; can be skipped if you have pre-MBA exp and did well in your initial performance.) ManageSeniorM (3-5yoe/5-8yoe; most people languished here until they decided to go all in or all out with McMaster.) After this come Regional ManageDirectoVP. You can leave at M/SM and might still be able to transition to a new careeindustry afterward. Otherwise, it's a tough sale. Even before the mid-2023 general market downturn, I knew Regional/Directors who took 1+ year just to switch to another industrial/industrial job. Not even an industry switch.
Their Targets: In the past, 95%+ of management came from straight out of Ivy/Top Liberal Arts undergrad. This breeds an incredibly toxic environment since many of them are not mature/don't have leadership experience (the cream of the crop don't consider McMaster) and it's a case of the blinds leading the blinds. McM had a purge of toxic leaders back in mid-2010s but this problem returned. Since then, they have tried to recruit a few more consultants rather than depending solely on fresh grads. This recruiting effort has and continued to go miserably. Despite mass reach-out effort every single year, they only got some ex-B4 (1 Parthenon but the rest is regular B4), but they couldn't get anyone from T2 or MBB.
Nature of the work: (Micro)managing individual contributors and troubleshooting outdated issues (that you wouldn't find in a 40yo+ warehouse) if you get a warehouse rotation. McM tries to sell you on these, but from my post-McM interviews as well as McM managers' outcomes, these skills are worthless. For once, the ICs get paid quite well so they work very hard. Management, in an attempt to justify their outrageous salary, tries to micromanage all the time even when outclassed by 20+ years of knowledge. IC vs Management issue will be further discussed in the Cons section. Another issue is that managing blue-collar is no way the same as managing white-collar so most hiring managers don't really care for this exp. The company doesn't really do marketing, M&A, or new market (it took them 30+ years to just now opening a new branch in Texas because McM's tech couldn't handle having 6 warehouses instead of 5.) I'm not kidding. They passed on growth opportunity for 30+ years because they didn't want to change... Also because the company doesn't do marketing, they are not good at customer behavior analytics, resulting in their website redesign that took 2+ years to get scraped ater 1 week due to customer complaints.)
Pro:
• Their pay. McM has a 2.9 Glassdoor rating despite having a 4.6 rating in Compensation and Benefits. Pay include:

 •Base (0yoe: ~115k; ~$10k for each add year; ~$160k for Manager) •Profit Sharing (average 50%+ of base; lowest was ~33% in 2008 & 45% in 2020; 2022 was ~50%+ and 2023 was ~60%) •Deferred Saving (25% of Base&PS. Vest schedule 0%/20%/40%/60%/80%/100% over 6 years.) 

• Their Education tuition policy: After the first 3 months, You can take any part-time program (e.g PT-MBA, PT-MS, PT-MA) or Certificate completely free, doesn’t have to be work-related, and no string attached. You can literally leave after they paid for your tuition and can still finish your course.
Cons: Glassdoor Reviews:
• There’s another purge/headcount reduction going on right now. A tidbit is that management above your level can see the performance review of everyone below them. This contributes to how much drama, backstabbing, and rumors float internally. Recently, an ex-Trainee even wrote a long post calling out his spineless manager and backstabbing coworkers in a GroupMe with 100+ members of management. The manager left soon after. The ex-MT even told McMaster to blacklist his undergrad for recruiting. Absolute legend.
• The operations and tech stack are very constrained and not replicable. The company uses 80s IBM Tech for CRM/ERP so unless you’re working on a Website-related project (which you can sometimes use Python/SQL), you will be writing outdated queries to pull data. McM also doesn’t use Powerpoint so you will have to learn Adobe Indesign. The company’s warehouses themselves have a ton of makeshifts and outdated stuff. If you get a warehouse assignment, you will be putting out fires arose from issues not addressed by the original warehouse design. If you think you will be value-add to a company like Amazon after your McMaster’s experience, you are wrong. Amazon warehouses are built in the early/mid 2010s and have about 30 years of new automation/technology integrated to them. McM is still tinkering with their first automated warehouse. Experience putting out fixed/nonexistent issues is worthless.
• This company hire fake review writers. You will notice the positive reviews are all generic and one line whereas the negative reviews (from both Managements and ICs) are all super long and super informative. You will also notice that there’s no longer a “Most Helpful” sort on Glassdoor. This is because all the negative reviews get liked so much. Now it’s just “Most Popular” which is just fake reviews with 0 like/dislike.
• Relationships between Management and Individual Contributors are more fraught than ever. The situation has always been incredibly tense because ICs were viewed with incredible disdain by Management (most of whom are rich Ivy/Top School graduates) but has only gotten worse with automation and market uncertainty.
• Management’s official policy is to never promote Individual Contributors. A fresh grad (0YOE) can instantly become a supervisor but somehow an IC needed 8+ years of consistent excellent performance to be considered. Management can become Manager in as little as 2yoe out of Undergrad, whereas IC -> Manager is so rare I can count the Chicago Branch on two hands. And no, it’s not because ICs are not qualified/hardworking. Just imagine how hard it is to work at Amazon-pace for EIGHT YEARS just to be equal to a college brown-nose.
• Management’s unofficial policy is to avoid eye contact or saying hello to ICs unless the ICs initiated it. ICs were afraid to take more than one food/souvenir item during an open house event even though we had so much leftover. A manager even complained that other managers were making fun of ICs for work-place injuries (think Amazon warehouse-like injuries such as overexertion, nerve damage, wrist/knees/back issues.) Absolutely devoid of humanity.
• The company had been automating part of the Atlanta and Chicago warehouses. Managements assigned to be tour guides of these automated warehouses were told to lie say that no IC headcount reduction will occur. Obviously, there were a rise in suspicious performance evaluation after these were built. Also, I was one of the tour guides and were asked by multiple ICs where the observation cameras will be in the ceiling. The fact that multiple raised this seemingly-joking-yet-alarming question tells you just how much Management has trained ICs to become paranoid over time. If you’re a new-hire consultant and feels related to this meme, just know you will be holding the mop to clean up and not the lightsaber.

My friend, i already told her i would not be coming to school the next day (no reason specially, i just didnt want to go) but the next day she msged me after she came back from school and asks "why didnt you come today" i have to stop myself from getting mad because its just stupid. Idek what to say and i still havent replied I honestly just hate going to school in general but i dont think she shoukd get mad at me when i already informed her i woukdnt be going. What should i do? Its honestly not the first time shes done this