Back story: Me (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for about 6 years. I've always had trust issues stemming from being cheated on in previous relationships that, admittedly, caused problems for me in my present ones. From what I can tell, boyfriend has never strayed away and cheated. He hasn't had very many female friends, and when he does have them, usually they're his friends girlfriends/wives. Around March last year we split up due to myself having a trauma stress response of lying about things. Stupid little things that I didn't need to lie about. I.E. buying snacks when we were tight on money, buying weed while we were trying to quit. But small lie or not, a lie is a lie and I eventually broke the trust. We were separated for about a year, hooking up occasionally, I worked on myself through therapy and in the moment correction to fix that white lie issue, and he worked on his own weaknesses as well. Through that year, he tells me he didn't sleep with anyone else, and I believe him. Very slowly, we started hanging out more and getting closer again. And ended up getting back together this month, just over a year later.
I have always been stressed out with my SOs female friends. Not boyfriends specifically, but just in general. Too many times have I had a "this is my best friend, she's like my sister" type situation where you end up checking his phone for him after being asked to see who texted him, and find out they very much are not like brother and sister. Or maybe just Alabama style.
I apparently seem to have a history of reading too much into things. When boyfriends brother met his now Fiancee, it stressed me out how close she and boyfriend got. I always knew it was silly to feel that way, and tried my best to ignore the feeling, but I can't always hide my facial expressions and we ended up having a huge discussion about how, even if he ever felt like cheating, he definitely wouldn't do it with his brothers girlfriend.
Fast forward to this weekend, I get to meet some good friends of his, he started hanging out with more after we split up. I've been excited to meet them, but particularly excited to meet his friends wife, we'll call her L(27F). Since boyfriend has been hanging out with them, he's mentioned L a LOT. Hes mentioned her more than more his other friends honestly, and even somehow 'accidentally' ended up with a small maybe 2 inch by 1 inch picture of her in his computer bag. He said he didn't know how it got there. They're on snap together, they send eachother memes on Facebook, they're super close and seemed to gravitate toward one another, walking side by side shoulders touching while we're outside, going on walks together alone when he visits them in Oregon, sometimes he will even lie his head on her lap when we all sat on his brothers couch. But he called me over to join the cuddle puddle shortly after. his friend group is like a super close knit group. One of those ones that you always wish you had. The squad. But he doesn't get that cuddly with his brothers fiancee.
Anyways, I digress. Boyfriend was giving them the tour of the house. Her husband was with them for the majority of the tour, but we all eventually sat in the living room and we're chilling. It was a barbecue so there were a lot of people around. I look behind me and see boyfriend leading L down the stairs to the basement. I guess she really wanted to see what it looked like down there. I can hear them talking, and then a pause; and then back to talking. After a moment, his best friend and Ls husband go downstairs, I get curious so follow down shortly after. L and boyfriend were standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, both facing the door way, L slightly behind boyfriend. I have been trying and trying to shake the feeling I got when I saw them standing there, I really do like L and her husband. But I don't know. They just looked so awkward and almost guilty. Boyfriend would hardly make eye contact with me for a good 20 minutes and L became a lot more affectionate towards her husband. I couldn't tell if he was bothered too, he got real quiet for a while and got on his phone, bit seemed normal towards boyfriend and L for the rest of the night.
I did mention to him that it made me feel weird that they went in the basement alone together when other people mentioned wanting to see, i mean i had never gone in the basement before, he could have invited me, and he said "it was just part of the tour, she wanted to see what it looked like" but I just cannot shake the small differences I saw. I'm worried this is one of those times where I'm "looking for things that aren't there". As boyfriend has so lovingly put it in the past.
So, after a few days of mulling it over and waiting for this feeling to go away, I decided to seek some advice, or maybe for someone to just tell me I'm being silly and have it actually make me feel better.

https://reddit.com/link/1d27pe8/video/b5p15g6mi23d1/player
*[CAUTION]: Cringe Levels beyond safe parameters Issued by the CDC*

cursed #supermanlimitbreaker #giant #humbled #superman #dccomics #alternateuniverse #lessermook

Try & picture it. Mile-High x2, a giantess npc if you will (*cringing 300%), yer size matches your ego now.
Amoral psychopath. Think you're invincible because of your size (until you inevitably starve to death, or suffocate from brain damage from lack of proper oxygen, & or die of dehydration anyway specifically because of your size... Oops?)
Then after you lay waste to millions for no apparent reason, out of fucking nowhere, like a genuine force of nature that makes your gigantism look like the handicap it is-
Dude comes along, mops the floor with you, minimum effort, severing your nerve endings at the speed of goddamn light by just flying through your skin, he's causing you severe migraines by heat visioning various points of your brain organ, punches your jaw into splinters with a single love-tap.
The ground around you is turning into a landscape of hell every time he gets near you, sonic booms are going off in every direction like firecrackers, your ears are ringing.
And because of your size, you CAN NOT see him, it's like thin air is kicking your ass. Just a tiny red blur unraveling your body's motor functions like he's taking apart a Lego.
Your friend is convulsing on the floor with 4th degree burns, and there's nothing you can do about it. Powerless to help her let alone yourself.
After all that, are you still thinking you're some kind of "goddess"? Do you think you're in control? Or shitting mountain sized bricks because you just got the reality check of the CENTURY, that size is NOT POWER?
And now you're going the way of Goliath and every Giant after him that didn't know their place.
You are big enough to cause sonic booms by moving your fingers through the air but is getting absolutely dominated in every conceivable way by a middle class News Reporter, who's about to reluctantly yet painstakingly erase you from humanity's list of immediate inconveniences.
And he's not even trying, he's just heartbroken, and disappointed, at best. OUCH.
Sad part is: If the girl wasn't already unconscious due to every bone in her body being broken, she'd wish she instead lived in a universe where she wasn't a psychopathic idiot who thought genocide was a fucking game- Perhaps another universe where she is sane, alive & the most of her troubles in life was getting a boy to confess his feelings to her, a kinder world, maybe somewhere out there that is her life.
-Multiverse is an ugly beast. Hellish fever dream.-

BACK STORY...skip ahead to the point
Y'all ... Where to start. I've been with my spouse for 12 years. We moved in together almost immediately and married 6 years ago. Recently we made a well thought out decision to build a mother in law/ apartment in my spouse's mother's home basement. Her home is paid off, she has no retirement plan as a hairdresser, we can't afford half a million dollars for a home or rather refuse to go that far into debt. The three of us and my spouse's sister discussed a plan for ownership and how to build the basement. We agreed that we would own half the home and we will then pay half the property taxes and all utilities. We will be adding a entry door to the side of the house for this apartment and along with have our own "front" yard on the side of the home. We will share the backyard. We share the parking spaces available in the driveway.
We wanted to start the building process immediately. So we decided to do it in phases. Phase one was building out our bedroom and a master bathroom. This means we would be sharing the kitchen with my mother-in-law and one of the living rooms would be to share as well. Due to budget restrictions we decided to hold off on the shower so we only have half bath downstairs. We have not signed any contracts with this home agreement yet and as each day passes I regret it more and more. With the first phase we re-piped the entire home. My mother-in-law did pay half the price of this. However, overall we have put in $35,000 into the home for our bedroom and half bath.
MIL and I have gotten into a couple of arguments but seemingly seem to go away after apologizing to each other. When she gets a little too drunk, she likes to bring up mean things from the past. I have decided I don't like that so I avoid her when I notice she gets a little too drunk. We have been living under the same roof for 5 months and so I've learned when to avoid.
First fight was me attempting to stand up for myself. After the 5th conversation of her asking me to wear more makeup more often just for her, Because I look so pretty and I could be so pretty if I just wore makeup more. I told her "that was rude and that I wouldn't wear makeup for anybody and I don't really get any joy wearing makeup so that's why I don't wear it." She always starts these conversations talking about how pretty I am and how great my facial features are and I do my makeup so well and I should do it more often. She did not think it was rude and denied what she had said about requesting I wear make up for her. So we had a back and forth of disagreement until I said we should just take some time apart to cool off. She hated that. I went downstairs. Next day I went on as nothing happened and we had a great silly interaction and she apologized and said nothing more needed discussed. We hugged and said I love yous.
Second argument is when she was being emotionally abusive to my spouse when he was opening up about childhood trauma. She started to victim blame my spouse insinuating that he enjoyed said trauma. She is always drunk so, take it for what you will... But at one point she said "why is everyone always ganging up on me??" So I said because she was an abusive drunk asshole and that my spouse was too nice to stand up for himself to you. I did raise my voice. She pushed me out of the room and slammed the door on me.
THE POINT: Final argument with my MIL was two nights ago. (We live together 5 months now...working together to own half the home) Earlier in the day I was setting up a blink camera that she had given us cuz she wasn't going to use it. I put it in my bedroom in the corner facing the door on a bottom shelf so that I could see my dog when I wasn't home. Come midnight I could hear my mother-in-law on the phone yelling about me putting a camera in my bedroom. She said how dare I surveillance her in her home. She was screaming to somebody about how weird it was that I would put a camera in there and what does she think she is doing to be surveillancing. She kept saying my name, I was downstairs. I was not around her, so I popped out of my bedroom and asked. (Found out there was no one on the phone?!) "Hey are you trying to talk to me?" She came running down the stairs with her finger in my face asking me why I have a camera in my room. I said because I want one and she said well why I repeated because I want one. She said who do you think is going to go into your room? I said what do you mean you tell me? She said that she only ever goes in there to make sure my dog is okay and has food and water. Why do you have a camera in your room? *She is in my face throwing her finger in the air and I just said because of this BS motioning to her entire self. She took both of her hands and slapped either side of my face and kind of pushed me away "exactly" and started to turn around. I said don't ever touch me like that again. She turned around and put her fist in the air, so I said you're going to hit me? and she raised her fist again. So I said go ahead and she just sat there with her fist in the air until she finally walked away.
I called my spouse who's out of town working to share that his mother just threatened me physically because there is a camera in her house(my bedroom). He called her and essentially took her side because of how weird it was of me because I didn't talk to her first.
I texted to apologize for making her uncomfortable and that I wasn't being malicious. I took the camera down immediately. And she was screaming all night about how I need to leave her house. And how dare I surveillance her in her home to find her taking care of my dog...So now I feel like I am in the wrong. My spouse is busy and not talking to me so I feel like he's mad at me.
I just refuse to believe that it was a weird action of me to put a camera in my room that was given to me that I've always wanted so that I can keep an eye on my dog while I'm away.
As of right now she wants us to leave and I think it's because she's a crazy psycho and just doesn't like me. This puts us back in our initial financial burden we just escaped. Probably why my spouse is upset but I don't want to blame me but should I?! Am I also kinda crazy?! Maybe I need to reel in my emotional reactions. I feel like I am always reacting to her and maybe I should chill and care less about what she does.
I do love her. I felt that first real connection after our first argument about the make up and how we got over it. I was hurt when I heard she brought it up to my spouse after the fact in a negative way. And later she made a comment to me about being weird that one time with the make up....like what? That's when I started to pull away... probably about two weeks before this final argument.

I really hope this is the right place to ask, because I'm not sure how to help at this point. If there's a better place to ask this mods, please let me know and I'll race over there.
Background, which I promisr has a purpose: My mom has been HoH almost my entire life, but didnt want to sign unless absolutely necessary, and stuck to lip reading almost exclusively. Now her hearing has dropped low enough that her audiologist has said that wearing a hearing aid is going to become redundant if they can't figure out why her hearing worsened so fast. (She also hates wearing it, so it's frequently forgotten)
At this point, even with the hearing aid in, unless it is total silence apart from one person making noise, she won't understand or hear anything. She's uninterested in learning to sign, she can't lip read well anymore, and any assistive anything (having her phone vibrate or flash to let her know about a call or text, stomping twice to let her know someone is behind her if her back is to them..etc...) she's vehemently against.
I know she's frustrated that she can't fake it anymore, and I know she's incredibly private and doesn't want to announce this to the world, but it's now an issue. She can't understand her Drs, won't tell me if she's unsure what was said (this sometimes leads to accidents, because she'll try to guess or hope it wasn't important and ignore).
I've found resources to free ASL classes, try to finger spell slowly whenever we talk so she can at least pick up some words, try to make sure I talk to her somewhere with lots of light, raise my voice so maybe she can pick up sounds (she asks for this, I don't just yell at her), but I don't know what else to do.
If she didn't want to learn sign or have any assistive additions, and it wasn't affecting her safety or ability to communicate, I wouldn't push. But it is. So I really need some advice on how I can go about trying to help without her feeling like I'm forcing things. I just want to help, and I can't tell she doesn't like feeling cut off. So any resources I could suggest to her, any advice on how to make her more comfortable with the idea of being profoundly deaf. I would be eternally grateful.

This is really a post for all the parents to of non-white children raising their kids in Johns Creek. How’s it going for y’all?
Our children have come up against quite a bit of macro- and micro-aggressions and we are at a loss on how to handle these scenarios.
This weekend, our neighborhood had a multi-part celebration including a fun run, picnic, tennis tournament, and pool party. Such a wonderful and fun tradition! My son and his 2 friends attended the pool party and picnic today and were regularly targeted by our HOA president and his cronies - you know the types: oversized, intoxicated men and their tea towel- wearing wives who cluster together, maliciously gossip, and tightly band together against all “others”.
Some background: my son was very naughty at the pool last summer. I was actively dying of cancer (note: I survived) and he was not handling it well, so he regularly cursed, ran around the pool, and caused a ruckus. Instead of handling it maturely and talking to me directly, the HOA president and board unilaterally changed the entire pool regulations and effectively banned him from the pool after accusing him of property damage and a long list of other alleged crimes. No proof, just loud finger-pointing and group texts.
This summer, the board reversed all of the rules they put into place last summer because my son and his friends have aged out. (Hmmmm.) So today, the boys were at the pool again having a wonderful time. They were playing water games and the HOA president’s son cheated during the game - so my son and friends kicked him out. He went crying to pops, who immediately started screaming “We know who you are!” to my son and his friends. Targeting much? His Crony #1 followed the boys all around the pool and told them, “We know your parents.” Crony #2 got real mad at the boys for shot-gunning soft drinks and threatened to call parents if the boys didn’t finish every last drop of their drinks. Clearly he missed the part where we all pay dues to cover the cost of those drinks. The boys threw a can on the ground after shot-gunning their soda and apparently this was the equivalent of a mass murder for HOA president and cronies.
I’m at a loss. I’m mama-bear mad at these pervs who seem to be obsessed with teen boys. I don’t want to think it’s because of their skin color so I’m choosing the former explanation. My first concern is obviously the boys, but they just laugh at these drunk old dudes and carry on with their lives. These boys are smart, funny, athletic, and well-liked by their peers - and I hope the actions of these creepy old men toughens them and never breaks them.
Our family’s current approach is to wait and see how the summer progresses.
Are any other parents having some negative side effects to raising brown kids in Johns Creek? I’m genuinely interested in how you’re handling it.

I’m very sensitive to sounds, smell, movements, anything really.
My gf is very accommodating but some things still bother me. I’m not angry, upset or anything, and it’s not directed to her as a person. But she tends to stretch a lot and move during sleep, so whenever we have the opportunity we sleep on separate beds/mattresses. So for example when I’m at her place she sleeps on her extended couch and I sleep in her bed (she suggested this and is totally fine with this arrangement). When I moved to a new place, while I was still setting things up, I slept on the couch and she slept on a mattress on the floor, again she was totally fine with it.
Another thing is: she walks very loudly even barefoot. She walks on the back of her food. I pointed it out and she started walking on her tip toes, but she was still putting it a lot of force in it and she was loud.
I tried to teach her how to walk on her middle food and “glide”. She tried but she still sometimes walks like before. I pointed it out and she said she is trying her, but she does the same with all my other perks, trying to make me comfortable, while I “can’t even stop texting my ex when I said I would”.
I think she compares apples with pears, and secondly, my ex was a good friend of mine but I decided to cut things off because she kept being a problem in all of my relationships. I had to text her about something recently and my gf found out, and we had an argument.

Update and new thoughts from https://www.reddit.com/survivinginfidelity/comments/1d1bhlc/her_failure_to_accept_reality/
EDIT: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO PEOPLE WHO GAVE ME SO MUCH SUPPORT LAST POST. There was so much to reply to I didnt know where to start. Thank you thank you thank you.
*PRIOR CONTEXT* I just need to get this off the chest because I just spoke to her brothers fiance on this. In my previous post I didnt mention why we had a rough patch and the context. We had a rough patch because my ex feels that I did not love her in her love language ENOUGH and felt mistreated. At most I can say I was negligent in not meeting her enough in her love language and I should've done better 100%. I do not contest that point at all.
When she needed time to think about our relationship she needed space for 2 days so I voluntold myself to move back to my parents willingly because the place was hers and she was not about to get kicked out of her own place. Day 2 comes around and it turns into 2 weeks. 2 weeks later when we talk and see how we can meet eachother in the middle, I ask her "was he over when I was gone?" she said yes. I immediately think that that is sketch as shit (Even if you admit it to me) And mind you I have not met this guy at all.
Then Sunday rolls around (yesterday) and all of the original post happens.
*NOW TODAY* After speaking with her brothers fiance, she installs the thought into me that. What if out of all of this she ACTUALLY never cheated at all? Where do I go from there? In my opinion even if she didnt, she has not done ANYTHING right in making feel trusting of her. Roles reverse she inate trust issues to begin with, so whenever she asked ME for my phone....I give it up immediately no questions asked. Now when its time for me to ask for her phone (THE ONLY TIME WHEN THERE IS GROUNDS FOR ME TO BE DISTRUSTFUL OF YOU) she has nothing to show me...and I quote "I dont have any texts with him"
This is where I feel a little bit gas lit. How is she able to: 1 invite a guy I dont know over to our house that im partly renting, 2 NOT show me your phone when were at the summit of all of this trust conversation. AND SOMEHOW she gets the benefit of the doubt?
My brothers fiance says to me: What if she were to say, "Im sorry for acting the way I did, im sorry for not showing you my texts but I deleted them. I need you to trust me that nothing happened between us"
DO I ACCEPT THAT? I feel like im actually being gaslit in real time right now on this. I went from SO sure that something has happened but I dont have the direct texts to prove it but now im wavering a little because of this new "thought"
The reason I still feel very strongly as I do is because on my end even though I lead us down the path of this rocky road because of my negligence in the relationship and not loving her where her love language is....that was all unintentional. On her end she intentionally invited him over and intentionally chose to not show me her texts.
Give me the most charitable take on all of this guys.
*TLDR* Feeling gas lit on this after talking to her brothers fiance. TO BE FAIR. She heard both sides of this from hers and mine. But she and my ex have never met eye to eye on most things so I dont think there is an inherit bias invovled.

My gf and I were spending time together, she cried in the middle of the day at one point and don’t tell me anything, and said it’s fine it doesn’t matter. On the day we were talking about how we met, I told her that when I met her, I found how different she was from the rest how most of the other girls never offered to pay half of the bills but she did. That when she messaged me at night that she wanted to get to know me better and see where things goes that I was hesitant and didn’t want to because prior to that I was dumped 2 weeks ago but went for it anyway. She asked me who my ex was and I told her it was my best friend’s friend. Since then she stopped looking me in the eye and booked an Uber and left the place. I messaged her to text me when she arrives she said she needed space to think. I never told her any of this prior only told her about it now because I felt comfortable and we were confessing things.
I messaged her goodnight afterwards and to text me when she’s ready. Left on seen. I sent her good morning, been left on delivered. Usually she’s very prompt

This idea came to me in college and I've sort of played around with it over the years. I would appreciate any constructive criticism, especially focused on the prose and characters. This would be the introductory chapter of one of the main characters, Karl Klug, who is an important noble in his country. I hope you enjoy!
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KARL 1
Three men stood beneath a great oak branch, hands bound and nooses pulled tight around their necks. The branches connected to a mighty tree, old as the mountains themselves. The men were all silent, as were the other corpses gently swinging in the morning breeze. The air was still cold from the dew, not yet banished by the still rising sun.
“If you have anything left to say, now would be the time.” Karl Klug, Lord of the Wald said as he eyed them with disgust from the back of his chestnut horse destrier. He sat tall in the saddle, his close cropped brown hair and clean shaven face a far cry from the ragged appearance of the condemned. His heavy, black, woolen cloak was pulled tight, the hood up to block out the wind. Under the cloak he wore a simple brown doublet, with a crest bearing the black tree on a green field that was the sigil of his house. Karl always made sure to represent House Klug when acting as Lord, as was his duty.
These men were thieves, rapists, and murderers. They attacked travelers on the roads of the Wald, and it was Karl’s duty, as Duke of the Wald and Lawspeaker to the King, to keep those roads safe. The law demanded only one punishment for their transgressions. Their fate would serve as a warning to other would-be bandits.
The first man, a stern face and hard eyes, said nothing, but spat on the ground. The second man, fat and whimpering, managed to speak out in between choked sobs “Please m’lord. Mercy! They made me do it!”
The last man, a boy no older than fifteen, barked at him to be quiet. “We’re done for Ozzy. Go to the Wainman with some dignity, would you?” Such bravery in one so young. What could he have become if he followed a different path?
With that, Karl nodded to Jorivs, his household Resolver, who pulled hard on the ropes, them each one by one into the air, sending them kicking and choking into the Beyond. The second one, Ozzy, screamed and begged for his mother before the rope cut him off. Jorivs tied the final line off to a stake, while Wolter, his barber-surgeon companion, scribbled something down in a book. “They go to their doom in all different spirits, yet they all dance the hangman’s jig just the same.” He said as he turned a page.
“Amazing the lessons they teach at Spierpont.” Jorvis chuckled as the last pair of legs stopped kicking. “Shame Lemba couldn’t join us.”
“The Elf has seen his fair share of death. Let him enjoy his peace.”
“I only jest, my lord.” Jorvis said as he took a sip from his canteen. He motioned for Wolter to take a drink, but the older man was too busy furiously scribbling in his notebook to notice.
Karl looked to the east. The dawn was still cresting the horizon. “I’m off to the woods. I will not be disturbed.” Matilda and the children will still be sleeping. Best not to wake them with my return.
His pages nodded and replied in unison “Yes my lord.” By Karl’s standing order, Jorvis was peeling the boots of the dead men, better they should shoe a pauper than rot on the condemned. Wolter sketched the hanging men in his book, taking special care to note the lolling tongues and soiled breeches. Jorvis had the boots in a loose pile when he pulled a knife and a small pouch from his belt. “The eyes,my lord?”
He nodded grimly. “Hain will have his due.” Jorvis took a small stool and set to work, all six organs removed in a few quick flashes of the blade. Jorvis placed the grim package in its usual place on Baldur, Karl’s horse. With the bloody sack tied to his saddle, Karl rode off towards the thick forest nearby, a page in tow to hold his horse.
The page started to speak, and then stopped himself. He was a small boy, ten or eleven at the most. He had been to several executions before and not once had he been troubled by the sight of death.
Karl noticed the indecisive boy and helped him along.
“Something bothering you, Wiglaf?”
“The” came a squeak. Wiglaf cleared his throat and tried again. “The Resolver grumbles, lord. He grumbles that it would be easier to take the eyes before hanging the condemned.” He said meekly
“I know he grumbles. I know. But this is the way things are to be done. Taking their eyes before they hang is not the punishment for their crime. These men had their trial, and I sentenced them to die, not to be tortured. Do you understand, Wiglaf?”
“Aye, my lord. I understand.” Wiglaf nodded.
Wiglaf. So eager to learn but so nervous to offend. I’ll talk to his father the next time we meet.
This was the first time in months he had a chance to take in the forest. The influx in banditry in the past year had been a great source of woe not only to Karl, but to the Waldish people as a whole. They had enough to be fearful of without their fellow man adding to their problems. It had kept Karl up many nights, as he racked his brain trying to figure out the cause.
He had built roads, sick houses, held fairs, endorsed the Bard’s college, done all in his power to keep the people happy and content and quiet, and yet, there were some who still turned to crime. Why? No. Not now. Not here. Karl decided that he needed to rest his mind from constant affairs of state, and allow himself to relax before he made his offering.
They reached a clearing, and Karl dismounted. “Hitch up Baldur and rub him down. Have something to eat from my pack if you get hungry. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone this time.” The page nodded. Wiglaf, a good lad, if a bit timid at times. Weather had concealed his typical path into the great forest, but muscle memory lead his way.
He enjoyed his solitary walks in the woods, it gave him a chance to forget the woes of rulership, the frustrations of fatherhood, and the horrible curse that befell his bloodline. Now that things had quieted down with the bandits, Karl hoped he might have more time to be a husband to his wife, Matilda, and a father to their children. His three children, though nearly adults themselves, still tended to make a commotion. What they need is a firm hand. Their mother will spoil them rotten if she has her way. Karl laughed to himself. She always gets her way.
His feet knew where he was going, even if his mind did not. He always returned to the same place, no matter what direction he turned. Are the woods themselves magic, or just the creatures that inhabit it? He wondered as he found the well worn dirt path covered by a tunnel of tree limbs. The branches must have kept this clear from storms after all.
Few who entered the Wald came back alive, save for the Elves and their slaves, who usually came out in one piece. Most who walked too far past the tree line simply vanished. There were rumors, of course. Even his own grandfather had claimed that he was, in fact, the same Helm Klug that had vanished without a trace in the winter of 542. He had fallen through a tree hollow and into the myth shrouded realm of Cunnan, where time flows differently, or so the stories go. As such, though ninety-five years had passed from the time of the vanishing, Helm had only aged ten years or so.
Karl’s realm was a dangerous one, even without the recent rise of the highwaymen. To an outsider, walking alone in the duchy of the Wald was like strolling past a dark alley with coins jingling loudly. To Karl Klug, Lord of the Wald, it was like walking into his own bedroom. He had grown up here, he knew that danger lurked behind every tree, above every branch, and below every root. Not once had he seen anything like what Grandfather Helm had rambled about. No fairies or witches or traces of Hain. Still, one had to tread carefully here. Even Karl would not dare to venture in some parts of the forest, for an ancient force still had power in the dark parts of Bordrim.
I hope Hain will be pleased with my tribute. To survive here, one had to know when to fight, when to run, and when to submit. Some might call that heretical, going against the word of the church, But that was not something he wished to think about now, not when he was trying to be at peace.
The fresh air cleared his head and refreshed his spirit. Karl took a long, deep breath filling his lungs with the cold morning damp. He knew he would not be distrubed here, as none but the Duke of the Wald may travel to this part of the woodland.
He had been Duke ever since the death of his father when he was just four years old, though he had not ruled in his own right until he was fourteen. In that time, he had learned much from his regents, and his mother, who was far more capable than many made her out to be. She had taught him that most men, however pure their intentions may seem, nearly always had some ulterior motive that they wished to advance. Karl remembered that as his most valuable lesson, and it had assisted him greatly as he came of age. My father’s sycophants did not last long when I ruled in my own right.
The sound of rushing water came to his ear as he walked by the River Cember where his father had drowned. He used to intentionally go out of his way to avoid being near it, but now he barely gave it a second glance. I used to be so afraid of the water, until I understood why Father died. But by then, Mother had the Court Elf Lembe throw me in Sillac Pond. How I thrashed! It didn’t seem so scary after that. Fate is far more terrifying than any danger and far more comforting than any joy. Once you have been through the worst, everything else can be done with ease.
Karl heard a branch snap in the trees to his right, and his hand slipped to the silver coated dagger at his hip. He stood still as the trees around him, slowly moving his eyes from right to left as he looked for the source of the noise. Funny. I was afraid of harmless water for so many years when there were very real threats all around me the entire time. As long as I stay on the path, no beast would dare harm me.
There were no further noises, and judging by the humming of insects and the singing of birds, there was no real threat. Probably a stag or maybe one of Grandfather Helm’s Fae creature having a laugh at my expense. He continued walking for some time, climbing up small, rolling hills and ducking under fallen tree trunks, before reaching a final, gentle incline which led to Hidden Hill. That was where they found his older brother, Jasper, hanging from the tree at the top. That was the day his father had told him about the curse that stalked their family.
He made his way up the slope, as he had countless times before. The top of the hill was clear, save for one tree, planted by Karl’s grandfather Helm upon regaining control of the Wald after decades of Gaunt rule. His family adopted that tree, and made it part of their heraldry. A great black tree, sounded by the green of the forest.
The air seemed to resist being pulled into his lungs now. He had to unclench his teeth, relax his shoulders. He looked down at his fingers. He had scraped away the flesh near the nails on his thumbs and middle digits. How long have I been at it this time? It is difficult to relax when I am surrounded by some many painful reminders of the past. No matter how deep in this forest I walk, I cannot escape the memories that tears at me.
He kept his eyes low. Karl enjoyed seeing the blooming flowers and vibrant weeds that grew along the path he always walked. One particular group of plants caught his eye. A clover patch. The old folks said that in every clover patch, there was one particularly special sprout. And so Karl made a point to look over each and every patch he saw, even if only a passing glance.
What’s this? He said to the tiny green sprout as he crouched down for a closer look. A clover with four leaves. Lucky, lucky. Karl smiled as he plucked the clover and put it in his coin purse. And a good omen too. I know Otto will love this.
Karl continued up the path, and sat beneath the great black tree, looking out onto the castle that stood proud below in the clearing. Grey Hallow, it was called, and it was among the oldest in Bordrim, predating even the great fortresses of the Empire that many great houses now called their own. With two rings of thick, tall walls and towers covering every angle of approach, no enemy had ever successfully stormed the walls. Though a knife in the back is sometimes better than a ram at the gate, as history has proved.
Karl grabbed the now wet sack that Jorvis had provided. He quickly found a small knothole and stuffed the grisly offering side. The Dule clasped his hands together and bowed his head. “Haim, please take this offering that we may know quiet peace.” He sighed. Was Haim even real? Or just another story to make obedient children?
As Karl reclined in the unearthed roots of the black oak, he smiled. *Real or not, offerings to Haim aren’t all terrible.*This was the tree that he had married Matilda under, after he came back from the Siege of Hammerring, the last remaining Imperial stronghold in Bordrim. He had made a fortune by securing the ransoms of important Imperials, bringing House Klug from the embarrassment of near bankruptcy to extreme wealth in a single day. He had spent coins like a drunken gambler blessed with immovable luck that night, and from then on men had begun to say he was the richest man in the kingdom. I don’t know about any of that. But riches aren’t just measured in gold. Karl thought as he ran his fingers along the black bark of the tree.
Searching through the leather pack he took from his saddle, Karl grabbed the cloth that held the dried venison and cheese he had carried along for his breakfast. The castle will just be coming to life now. He thought as the sun began to climb higher in the sky. After he had broken his fast, he pulled a quill, a tightly sealed ink pot, and a piece of parchment from his sack. He began to write.
“Your smile, a joy
Your laugh, a pleasure.
When we are together,
Troubles are light as a feather.”
Karl would have a servant hide that among Matilda’s things, where she would discover it later. Even after fifteen years of marriage, Karl loved to create these little surprises for his wife, just as she loved finding his cumbersome gifts and clumsy poetry.
A long, steady drumming sounded over the tops of the trees, booming from the direction of Grey Hallow, but far beyond. In the west, birds squaked and scattered to the wind. By the cadence of their beat, Karl knew it was the Elves, come to pay their respects and receive letters of safe passage as required by the Pact. A little earlier than expected. No matter. I prefer early to late. No doubt my Chamberlain, Aldred, will have everything prepared. Karl sprang to his feet, dusted off his trousers, and rolled the dried parchment. He followed the path back to the castle at a quick pace, humming a song his Bard had sung the previous night while they slept under the stars.
The day had well and truly begun upon his return. Servants wearing the green and black of his house dashed about as their duties required. Men stood guard wearing the Great Black Tree of the Klugs on their livery. The halls were alive with chatter and the scuffing of feet. Karl knew a long line of petitioners awaited him in his hall, but everyone knew that an audience with elves took precedence over the squabbles of men. They had all heard the drums, and they would be pressed together like bees in a hive just for a glimpse of the pointy eared outlanders. Every year, young elves Elves embarked on a great journey that they called *THING* or “The Taste” in the Imperial tongue. They spent anywhere from one to one hundred years living among the mortals, learning their ways and customs. Some spent the rest of their millennia-long lives among the mortals, watching dynasties rise and fall, technological marvels stun the world, and should they be unfortunate enough to make friends or find lovers, they witness death on a scale previously unimaginable.
Lemba is due to return home by the end of the year. After seventy years of service to my family, he’s earned his rest. Perhaps one of the newcomers would like a position at court. I would very much like to continue my lessons. Karl flexed his fingers at the mere thought of magic. Outlawed in most realms of men, Karl had insisted on instruction. The training was hard and the consequences if discovered by the Church would be dire, but in a land as dangerous as the Wald, every advantage counted.
The drums boomed, growing louder as the elves approached closer. I must hurry. I cannot insult them by wearing the same clothes I just wore to an execution. Karl jogged down the path from whence he came. Wiglaf was holding Baldur by his reigns, and he snapped to attention the moment he saw Karl approach. “The drums my lo-”
“I heard. Ride ahead and have your father prepare clothing for court.”
“Right away, my lord.” The page said as he galloped away. Karl followed at a quick but more relaxed pace. No sense in appearing sweaty and exasperated for my guests. He reasoned as he rode down the winding path.
His servants were waiting at the gate for him. They grabbed their reins from Baldur, and Karl climbed down from the horse. “Andred has selected your clothing, m’lord. Right this way, if you please.” Onna, the fat seamstress said and she beckoned him to follow. She led him to the laundry, where Karl pulled the dirty articles he had worn for the execution and picked up the courtly clothing she had laid out. He pulled the white linen tunic on first and fasted it was a leather belt inlain with a large silver buckle. His slipped into brown wool trousers next and grabbed a pair of light leather boots. While I won’t appear filthy in front of my guests, high fashion is not something I care to waste my gold on.
Karl sat in his finely carved chair on the dais at the end of the hall. It sat to the right of an identical, but smaller chair where his wife sat*.* She wore a black and green dress with a modestly cut v-neck which exposed her pale skin. Her golden hair lay in one long braid along her shoulder. and her piercing blue eyes smiled back at Karl’s own green. This was the women he had fallen in love with the moment he first spoke to her. She had been less convinced, at first. While he had been the highest born of her many suitors, he had not been her first choice.
“I thought you were boring!” She would tease him later. “You barely said a word the first three times we met.”
“I was nervous.” He would reply. “You captured my heart and my wits that day in High Hibaltia.”
“Well, that wit is what won me. Perhaps I just borrowed it for a time.” She smiled.
Cleverness, justness, kindness. These are the things that make me love you.
The couple held each other's hands as they looked over the court. The chamberlain, Aldred, was quickly giving some last minute instructions to his son and another page, and they immediately scrambled to their work. Guards stood firmly at attention in front of the doors, knowing that they would be facing a hallway full of eager onlookers at any moment.
Their three children stood to the side, talking amongst themselves. Grimbold was the oldest. And doomed to die young, as my brother and uncle have. He was tall, taller than Karl even. He had the arms of a blacksmith’s apprentice and Karl’s own brown curls. He shared his mother’s sky blue eyes and slender nose, as well as her quick temper. He’ll want more responsibility soon. I’ve already denied him a squireship. Perhaps a minor position at court would assuage him.
Next to Grimbold was Charlotte, their only daughter. She too had Karl’s curly brown hair, but she wore it in a long braid, like her mother. She was just like Matilda, in fact. They were both skilled with numbers, and Charlotte’s fascination with bards rivaled Matilda’s own obsession. The two of them often pleaded with Karl to hire this performer or that one, and Duke Karl Klug, Lawspeaker of Bordrim, would not resist his girls, especially Charlotte. She had just turned fourteen, and would be expecting suitors soon. I doubt any of them would be worthy of her. The two of us share a thin patience for stupidity and love makes fools of us all. Especially this false, courtly love the Pawley’s have been peddling these last centuries.
And then there was Otto, the youngest of the three. He stood in between his brother and sister, obviously uncomfortable and being talked over. Nervous and shy, Otto had trouble making friends with children his age. He got along well enough with Wiglaf, but the two never actively sought each other out for play. Probably waiting for the other to make the first move. Karl thought to himself.
“Otto!” Karl yelled. The boy snapped nearly to attention. “Come here, lad. I have a surprise for you.” The boy warily came before his parents.
“Close your eyes and stick out your hands, Otto.” Matilda gently urged.
Otto did as he was told. “Karl dug around in his coin purse and pulled out the clover and a gold coin. He placed the two in Otto’s open palm.
His eyes beamed just before the rest of his face lit up. “Is it real?” He asked as he squealed at his gift.
“Just found it this morning. I figured, with you as my son, I already have all the luck I need.” Otto grinned wide, his missing baby teeth apparent in his otherwise toothy smirk. “Now, with that coin, I want you to find a book that we can read together. Would you like that?” “Yes, father! Yes, yes!” Otto exclaimed, almost shaking with excitement.
“Now get back to your place. The Elves will be here soon.:
“Yes, father!” Otto slipped the clover and coin into his own purse and hurried back to his siblings.
Matilda leaned over and kissed Karl on the forehead. “You’re a good man, Karl Klug.” His mind raced back to dawn, and the creaking of ropes. “I try to be, my love.” He kissed her forehead back. There was a commotion behind the doors to the hallway. It started as a low murmur, and then grew in size, becoming a roar of excitement.
Lemba, Karl’s tutor and resident Elf, took
The Elves had arrived.
Two figures, hooded in dark crimson cloaks, approached the dais. Less than a quarter of what I was told to expect. Behind them were six large, muscular, green skinned orcs bound together at wrist and ankle. Less than a tenth of what I had prepared for. Some Orcs had obviously suffered wounds in the recent past, black blood welling up through tightly wrapped bandages at shoulder, scalp, or thigh. Karl knew from past experience that were these wounds even a slight inconvenience to the Elves, the Orc would be killed with no more pity than lame donkey.
The two cloaked figures marched in a praticed cadence as they moved towards the Duke and Duchess. They all move like that in this room. Is it tradition? Or something more calculated? Lemba, can you enlighten me?
“In due time.” The elf’s voice answered in Karl’s mind. “For now, let us see who has survived the journey.
Karl cast a quick and silent spell to identify the travelers, his only tell was a twitch of the nose, which may have been mistaken for an aborted sneeze.
Viksna and Piske Dun Beske, twin siblings of a prominent Orhani family. Lemba leaned and whispered into Karl’s ear. “The youngest children of a powerful family of sorcerors. T
“Viksna and Piske you illuminate my land with your presence.” Karl’s voice boomed across the hall. It had been so long since he had shouted without magical amplification that he wondered if his throat could even yell anymore.
The two outsiders removed their hoods and stood with clasped hands and bowed heads. Their hair golden, their ears pointed, they were both of a similar height and build, shorter than most men in the room, and Karl could tell they were thin even under their robes.
“And you honor us with your hospitality, Lord Klug.” The pair said in unison.
“You’ve arrived sooner than expected. Was your trip pleasant?”
“We ran into some trouble with monsters, I’m afraid.” Piske said, matter of factly.
“ They devoured quite a few of our slaves.” Viksna added. And of course, the Shadow King must have his due. Our traveling companions were not to his liking. We two and The six Orcs you see behind us are all that is left, I’m afraid, out of the seventeen souls we departed with. Ah, yes. The older races call Haim by his title and dare not refer to him by name. A superstitious bunch, the Elves.
Three slaves for each of us is hardly fitting.” Piske scoffed.
“A shame. I will see that they are tended to. And my servants shall make up for your deficit. See these creatures to their quarters.” He ordered with a wave of his hand.
Guards cautiously herded the six chained beasts on the points of spears, but the broken creatures simply did as they were told and offered no resistance, not even a scowl. They were broken in mind and spirit, they simply existed to do as they were told. Even still, they looked as if they could crush a man’s skull without much effort, and so the guards insisted on caution. I cannot say I blame them.
The instant their slaves were gone from the room, the elves both went down to one knee, each pulling a small bundle from their cloaks. In unison they spoke. “We have come to pay tribute to the Lord of the Wald. Bordermaster, River Watcher, Upholder of the Pact. We offer these small tokens to you, Great Lord.”
Karl pushed up from his seat on the dais and walked towards the pair, gesturing them to stand. This well rehearsed speech never fails to delight my courtiers. “You have left your great capitol of Orhani to live amongst the lesser lived. You have endured freezing cold and driving rain. You have crossed river and mountain, field and fell, and traversed the Wald itself. You have fought beast and monster and seen many things that Man fears in his dreams. You have lost friends and companions along your way, and for that, you have our sympathy. However, all is not lost, and these deaths have not been in vain. You have proved yourselves worthy of fellowship through your very deeds. I bid you stand, as friends of Men.” The two figures stood, pulling back their hoods as the ritual demanded. They both looked as beautiful as painted godlings, young as if in their prime, though each must have seen a hundred years come and go.
The two approached, stepping slowly, deliberately, in unison to the dais where Karl sat. Piske stepped forward, leaving his sister still as a statue with her bundle still in her hands.
“For you, my lord. A gift.” He bowed and handed the package to Karl.
“Thank you, Piske.” Karl exchanged a rolled parchment for the gift. The container was small, and light. It could have been empty if Karl did not know better. He pulled the string holding everything together, and opened the paper wrapping. Inside was a ring, small and green, with all manner of beasts carved intricately on the sides.
“This is remarkable, Piske. You have my thanks.” Karl said as he turned the ring over in his hands. He spied an eagle, a fish, a rat, and a bear amongst the throng of creatures on the metal.
Piske looked to Lemba, eyes practically screaming for help. Lemba chuckled to himself for a moment and then cocked his head in Karl’s direction.
“May I approach, my lord?” the Elf asked in the elegant Elvish tongue, hands out stretched. Karl nodded his approval and he came forward. Piske leaned forward, taking the ring from the Lord’s hand and slipped the emerald ring onto his own left pointer finger.
“This ring is rather...peculiar, my lord. Observe.” The Elf cleared his throat and began to shout “Will one of you fellows come out? We’d like to make introductions.”
A heavy silence, followed by quiet, confused muttering amongst the onlookers. Then a shriek came from the rear of the crowd, growing louder and closer by the second.
That’s when it appeared before Karl’s eyes. It came forward at a run. Sharp claws, huge black eyes, and jagged yellow teeth.
“The ring summons rats?” Karl answered in Elvish in between laughs.
“Or maybe it makes the wearer forget his manners.” came a perfect Elvish reply from the rat. Karl’s eyes shot wide. Bhalik’s Maw. Did that rodent just speak? He regained his composure and looked around his court. Everyone was staring up at him. Had they all heard too?
“They can’t hear me, you big oaf. Only the ring bearer can.” Karl glanced at the green band around his finger. “My name is difficult to pronounce, but for the sake of simplicity, call me Ymaut. Piske tells me you have a rather large network of informants. How would you like to expand?
“We’ll discuss another time. Thank you, Piske. You honor me.”
Piske bowed. “Of course, my lord. My sister has brought you a gift as well” gesturing to his companion. He stepped back to take her place, while Viksna approached, bowed and held out her tribute. The thing she brought was bigger and heavier than her brother’s gift. When Karl had finished unwrapping it, he understood why.
“A Grimoire.” he said quietly.
“May I approach, my lord?” Karl nodded absently as he flipped through the pages.
Viksna whispered. “I am told you enjoy practicing magic. I would be happy to teach you, if you’d like.”
“This is too much to trade for a mere letter of safe conduct. Anything in my power to give you is yours, if you but name it.”
Viksna thought for only a brief moment. “Should there be an opening for a position in your court that I may be suitable for, I would like to enter your service.”
Lemba is leaving my service, to return to Outland. If you would care to remain here and assume his role upon his departure, I would welcome the company.” Karl said as he struggled to tear his eyes away from the book. That will be all for today. My servants will show you to your chambers. Should you want for anything at all, you need only ask and it is yours.”
The two bowed low. “You honor us, my lord.” the two Elves said as one. As they slowly walked from the hall, Karl’s Chamberlain, Aldred, whispered in his ear. “My lord, Sir Vanya has come to charge Baron Stevers as an oathbreaker. My duty calls. Karl thought, the grimoire still open in his hand.

I (26)F been married to 34(M) for a year. His friend is getting married so they decided to go on a bachelorette trip to Colombia.
I wasn’t not comfortable with him going on this trip since he has lied about he’s whereabouts in the past. But after some talking and settling up boundaries I was okay with him going on his trip.
Notes: we’re in a traditional marriage. I’m a stay at home wife and he runs his own business. He’s a nice guy, good looking and smart. Before we got married he was in a 5 year open relationship. I’m somewhat of an old fashioned person and have pretty set values. I’ve got a bachelor’s degree (English is not my first language btw) and I consider myself a loving and caring wife. I’m often complemented for my looks. I take good care of myself. Before we got married we agreed to have a monogamous marriage.
Going back to the story. Here’s some of our agreements: - He’ll share his location - We’ll be in communication - No girls staying at the Airbnb except for his friends girlfriends (his dating 2 girls at the same time) and also not sleeping with anyone - He’ll control his 🥃
I thought those agreements were pretty easy to follow and fair, given the situation.
His flight got cancelled twice. Because of it he had to buy a new ticket which meant staying and extra night in Colombia.
I waited for him to text or call because I didn’t want to look like the crazy wife calling all the time. The 3 first days everything seemed to be good. He stayed at the Airbnb with his 5 guy friends and 1 of the girlfriends. They went out during the day and clubbing at night. He called every night before bed.
Now for the second part of his trip he booked an Airbnb in the middle of nowhere. Again, it was supposed to just be the 6 of them plus a driver and a cook, maybe one extra friend.
He called me and I asked how many people were staying at the new location and he said 18. I assumed it was mainly girls. At this point I’m completely shocked because we agreed on something. He said he had no idea all this people were coming. He keep on saying “is my friends trip and we’re doing whatever he wants”.
I’m thinking this new Airbnb is 2-3 hours away from the city. For 18 people I’m sure they need 2 vehicles in order to get there. People have to pack and meet somewhere to drive to the destination. This is not something that’s planned in a glimpse. He booked the Airbnb so he should have the last say on who stays in it. Now he has to pay for the extra guests. I feel like he could have mentioned this the night before when we talked on the phone.
At this point I’m not feeling well. His friend keeps fighting my husband accusing him of not being “present” because his always on the phone talking to me. He keeps saying husband’s is stressed out because of me.
As I said I wasn’t really texting him, I probably called him twice (one time to let him know there was a tornado warning in my area). Last night husband called upset saying he can’t be talking to me because people looks at him a certain way now and I need to relax.
Today is his last night and Colombia and I’ve received 2 messages from him in the whole day. I feel like our agreements were broken and I’m being painted as controlling by his friends and he agrees. We’ll have a talk when he gets home but I don’t really know what to say to him. I’m hoping he didn’t break my trust in other ways, but can’t help to think he did by the way his acting. He also mentioned he wants to buy an apartment in Colombia (I can’t go out of the country since I’m fixing my immigration status) What would you guys do in my situation?

hi! I'm an awkward neurodivergent gamecosplayeartist looking for some new friends to chat with 🥹 preferably over text for now, I take some time to get comfy with vc ! I wanna talk about anything from the exciting to the mundane, tell me about ur favorite middle aged man babygirl or ur lunch :D
i like sonic, fire emblem, final fantasy, sylvanian families, vocaloid, monster high, cosplay, gaming, drawing and a LOT more
due to some bad experiences id rather exchange discord usernames via DM/with somehow knowing who you are on reddit for my own safety :) 💜 cheers!

As Caladuil and Durin delved deeper into the ancient halls of the mountain, they uncovered a chamber unlike any they had seen before. Carved into the very heart of the rock, its walls were adorned with intricate glyphs and symbols, each one pulsing with a power that seemed to transcend time itself.
Drawn by an irresistible force, they approached the central dais, where a single rune blazed with an otherworldly light. As they gazed upon it, a sense of foreboding washed over them, as if they stood on the precipice of a great and terrible truth.
With trembling hands, Durin reached out to touch the rune, his fingers tracing the lines of prophecy that had been etched into the stone by hands long since turned to dust. As he read the words aloud, the chamber seemed to tremble with the weight of their meaning, as if the very earth itself sought to bear witness to the revelation that had been hidden for countless ages.
The prophecy spoke of a time of darkness and despair, when the forces of evil would rise once more to threaten the lands of Middle-earth. It foretold of a war unlike any that had come before, a cataclysmic clash between the powers of light and shadow that would decide the fate of all who dwelled upon the earth.
But amidst the despair, the prophecy also spoke of hope – of a fellowship forged in the fires of adversity, of heroes rising to meet the challenge of their time, of a future where the light of courage and righteousness would prevail over the darkness of fear and despair.
As the echoes of Durin's voice faded into the silence of the chamber, Caladuil felt a sense of urgency grip his heart. For though the prophecy spoke of a future yet to come, he knew that the time of reckoning was drawing near, and that they must be prepared to face whatever trials lay ahead.
With a solemn vow, Caladuil and Durin pledged to stand together against the coming storm, to fight for the preservation of all that they held dear, and to ensure that the prophecy of doom would not be fulfilled without a fight. And as they emerged from the depths of the mountain, their resolve burnished by the knowledge of what lay ahead, they knew that their journey had taken on a new and perilous purpose – to confront the shadows of the past and forge a future worthy of the light.

I never though I would be writing a post on here but here I am, asking for advice.
I guess I should start off with how the relationship started and how it's been for first 7-8 months.
We started seeing each other last Summer after her graduation. We had originally met in grad school, we had a Zoom class together and we met in person for the first time during our internships. I immediately got a crush on her, and tried to just say Hi to her whenever I got the chance. I saw her as someone way out of my league, and was nervous to talk to her.
Flash forward to last April, we match on Tinder and we really hit it off quite fast. I was still nervous about the whole thing, thinking she wouldn't be into me. I eventually got the guts to ask her out, and we finally went out almost exactly a year ago. I was worried the date would be awkward and she wouldn't like me, at this time I also hadn't been out with anyone else in years, I had gotten out of a very long term relationship previously and hadn't met anyone new yet.
It was honestly the best first date I could have hoped for, better than I could have hoped for. Since the moment of picking her up to dropping her back off, we were talking non stop. We got to know so much about each other that night and I fell for her almost immediately. We almost kept the workers at the restaurant late, we didn't realize an hour had gone by after we finished eating. We just sat there talking. Then we went to karaoke night at a bar, we didn't do karaoke as we're both very shy in front of crowds. Overall it was literally the best night I had in a very long time.
After our 3rd time going out, I thought I would ask her out properly, and see if she would like to be a couple. I did, but she said it was too early for her to start a relationship as she had gotten out of one 2 months prior. But that she enjoys our time together and just needed some time before going into a new relationship. Which was fine, I wanted to respect her space and gave her the time she needed. We still saw each other multiple times throughout the Summer. I went over to her place late at night quite often to watch movies until 3 or 4am.
During this time, I of course still had huge crush on her. I also drove by her work when I got the chance to drop off coffee. If she texted to ask if I wanted to watch a movie, I would drop everything I was doing. I just wanted to spend as much time as I could with her. Because I also knew that she was moving away, just two hours away from where we both were, but that was still pretty far and I thought the distance would ruin any chance. It also didn't help that I was also moving out of state, 10 hours away from her. I was willing to do anything to make long distance work. I just needed to ask her again.
Before I actually asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship together, we finally had our first kiss while watching a movie, and that whole week we basically acted like a couple, but hadn't made it official yet. I told her my feelings, and she told me hers. Turns out she was very into me as well. I asked her if she was sure, since we were both moving far apart. We agreed that we could make it work. We had gotten along so well over the last 2 months. We like all the same stuff, music, tv, movies, games, etc. It felt like she was the person I was missing in my life for so long. Literally my second half.
She moved before I did, but I drove to her every weekend before I moved. And I always stayed from Friday to Monday. I helped her explore her new city, and move all of her stuff over. I fell for her more and more every day. After I made my move, we agreed to call each other every other night, to play games together or to watch a show or movie. It was hard, but we managed to do it. The roughest parts were having to deal with no phone service up there, or very little access to internet. But we made it, and she even drove all the way up to see me for one weekend. Which meant so much to me.
Over the next few months, I had started to struggle at my new place and in the position I was in in my career. I also managed to make time to see her once, sometimes twice a month. My drives would last 10-12 hours depending on traffic, but it was always worth it just to be able to see her.
I eventually left my position, due to very poor management, and for it being a nearly abusive situation. So in December I packed everything up and moved back home. Here's another important detail. My position was to be just for a year, which is one of the reasons we worked so hard to make long distance work. As we knew eventually we'd be close again. Our original plan was this. I'd move and work for a year, and when I come back we would look for a place together and hopefully move in. A this point, marriage had been brought up. We both knew we love each other so much, and that marriage was in our future.
I guess I should clear up what I do. I'm an artist, and the last few years have been spent with me participating in artist residencies. These vary in length, but the one I moved for was a year. I had hoped that I could gain experience in my field, in a proper studio setting, and develop my work further with the studio access I would have. It's specifically in ceramics. This was my first residency that was long term. In the past the max was 2 weeks. As a ceramic artist, woodfired ceramics is my thing.
Anyways, I moved back. Everything went back to the way it was before I moved. We alternated who drives to who on the weekends. We spent the entire week of Christmas/new years together. Before that on my visits, she was able to meet my family and friends. Everyone points out how well she and I get along, and that we're such a great match.
Starting in January, I was back in the mood to work on ceramics related projects. I had managed to get into some woodfirings, which for those unfamiliar, they're not very common. It's also a very demanding type of firing as we're stoking the kiln with wood constantly. These can be anywhere from 12 hours, to 100 hours straight. during this time I had also started working for my family's business again.
During January and February I was in my home studio constantly making work, often well into the night. Some deadlines started coming up, and as they got closer I was rushing as much as I could, and making as much work as I could. But it hadn't affected my life much, yet. Everything had still went well, and we were still calling each other at least twice a week, and seeing each other every weekend. Every other Sunday was D&D night with my friends, which she joined into as well. Everything was still going great.
March is when I think everything started going downhill. Besides the fact that I had a ceramics conference coming up, and that was a ton of pressure. I also had the biggest firing of the year happening 2 weeks after the conference, and I was one of the key leaders necessary to make the firing happen. There was tons and tons of pressure on me in March/April. I had to rush work for the conference AND the firings. And the previous firings I had earlier in the year turned out to not be very great, and left me very disappointed. But the biggest firing of the year was happening, and I need work. Because I had also been considering applying to another residency, I was so screwed over by the last place, that I wanted one more shot. It also didn't help that I also started up a Minecraft community my friends and I ran, but one that I mostly ran. I didn't realize how much time that took up either.
The conference went well, she went with me and she got to meet all of my ceramic friends, and we had our first road trip. the conference was a 12 hour drive for us. As soon as I got back from the conference, I knew I had to rush a lot of work and start prepping out at the kiln. I still set aside the weekends to see her, but I was just so busy during the week not just with the kiln, but also working for my family. I shifted my free time to playing Minecraft, as it's always been a comfort game for me since I was in high school. Some days I'd be so exhausted I didn't want to do anything else but just place blocks mindlessly for a few hours. At the conference, I met lots of people, and the hype from it all made me want to reapply to a residency. I had brought up that I was thinking about reapplying, and it felt like she was supportive of that decision. She was very aware of everything that happened at the last place.
the week of the firing I needed to be there as much as I could, I did 12 - 16 hour shifts on the kiln at a time, and I did overnight shifts. This meant for the whole week, she would work all day while I slept, and then I went and worked all night while she slept. I didn't realize how much this would affect her. I don't even think we saw each other that weekend, we waited until the next so she could come unload the kiln. That was the first time we spend more than a week without each other since I moved back.
I wanted to try another residency, and the deadline for the only place I was interested in was a few days after we finished firing. So I took that weekend to write out my application and send it in.
When we finally unloaded the kiln, it really really, really, disappointed me. So much time in the studio, so much time making work and starting over, so much time spent working on firing the kiln. Everything went wrong, and 90% of work I made was ruined. It really hit me hard, but I didn't want to show it. It affected me mentally and emotionally more than I thought it could. I kind of shut down for a bit. I went back to work, and when I came home in the afternoons I didn't do much, I just stayed in bed. On my off days during the week, I'd spent most of the day in bed. Barely talking to anyone. It just really sucked. So much. It sucked because I had hyped this up to everyone. I hyped myself up. I posted about it every day promising to update my followers on social media. I put in SO MANY hours into this. Just for almost all of my hard work to be ruined.
I didn't talk about how I felt. I didn't talk much.
I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to make excuses. I just shut down for a bit, and I didn't realize how much that would affect her. I had noticed since march, and especially in April we hadn't talked much during the week anymore. Maybe once a week we called to play something, or watch something. I was busy, and she was busy and going through her own struggles. She's a middle school teacher, and she's really been struggling the whole year in her position. I was always there to comfort her, and to be someone to listen to her about everything that's been going on. But all of that time just focusing on my work put a lot of strain on our relationship. You'd think that after the firing was over, I'd be free again and have time. But I was so disappointed I spent the whole week after making work again and rushing again, since I had a market to do, and I needed work to sell. the sale also wasn't great, and all of that just really hurt me. I didn't want her to worry about me. So I kept a lot of my thoughts to myself, of how I was feeling about the firing, and in general the career I've been trying to build in ceramics.
Me focusing on my work, and only my work, really really affected our relationship more than I ever though it would. And it was never intentional. And the rest of April/beginning of May was just rough. We saw each other maybe one day a week, or not at all, one day it was just for a few hours, since we had other things to do on the weekends. The market was out of state, and she wasn't able to go with me due to her work. I also realized I wouldn't get the residency, which was honestly kind of a relief.
Two weeks ago, I felt as everything finally cleared and I was starting to feel better. I went to see her on a Sunday, and I had taken a few days off so I could stay at her place until Wednesday. We hadn't had time together for more than a day in a really long time. So this was time to make up for some of it. Something had felt off that day though. I wasn't sure what it was, but I started to get worried. We would often tell each other "I love you" followed by "you promise, you swear?" It was always playful, while also being a little bit of a reassurance. I asked her that day, and it felt mostly normal. Later that nigh while getting ready for bed, she was just looking at me, and I asked "What's wrong"
This is when everything came out. She said she was afraid that we wouldn't make it. And then said that over the last 2 months, she felt pushed away and like she wasn't a priority to me. That it hurt that I applied to a residency without talking to her about it first, especially since our original plan was to move in together. I thought, we were on the same page on that. She seemed supportive, but we never had a real conversation about it. It was, "hey I applied for this thing" and "I hope you get it, you really deserve another chance!" She even looked for teaching jobs in the area I would move to, if I did get the residency.
Since that firing I wasn't there for her. I didn't tell her about my days where I just wanted to rot in bed. Some days I didn't now what to talk about. I felt borderline depressed. And I didn't talk, or talk about it, or talk to her much. I kept looking forward to the days when we would see each other on the weekends, but other things got in the way most times, and we didn't have the regular amount of time we had gotten used to. In person when we did see each other, things felt normal. I guess the weekdays after work are when she needed me the most, while I either stayed in bed all day, or got on Minecraft to mindlessly place blocks. Sometimes I didn't even do anything productive in game, I just ran around. I was sad. I just didn't want her to see me like that.
It sucks that I noticed too late. I knew we hadn't been able to have a lot of time together. I had planned to finally dedicate a few days together like before, and I brought over some board games so we could have stuff to do together. I knew that we would have to talk about moving in and planning out the rest of the summer.
The time apart, and the time of me not talking much really hurt her so much. I feel so terrible about it. Like I said it was never intentional. She said that her days for the last month were just going to work and coming home, hoping she would get a chance to talk to me. She said that night, that she doesn't know if she feels the same way about me anymore. She felt pushed away so much, and felt like she's already mourned the relationship. And she said it wasn't just that, that's made her afraid about our relationship. She's having trouble finding a new job, and her lease is up at the end of June, and she can't look for a new place, until she gets a new job. She's been applying for a lot of jobs closer to my area. But she also doesn't know if she needs to move back to her parents to take care of them, as they're not doing well either. And they live on the opposite side of the state. She has a lot of pressure on her right now and is very overwhelmed by everything going on, and all the decisions she's having to make in such short notice.
That night I, possibly stupidly, asked her if she wanted me to leave, after she said maybe she just needs some time and space. I say stupidly, because after I got home I felt like leaving wasn't the right decision. Before I left though, I told her everything. About how I had been feeling, and how I don't even know if I want to do a residency anymore. But she told me not to say that because of her. Of course not doing it would mean I get to stay with her, but I assured her this is something that's been on my mind. I told her that maybe we're just having a rough patch in the relationship and we should work together on it, and apologized for not being there for her. She said that with everything else going on with her, her parents, her work, her lease, everything, she needs some time to think about our relationship.
Since that night, I've been doing everything to assure her that she IS my priority and trying to prove to her that I do care and love her very much. I've been trying so hard to put myself back together, and just been reflecting on everything that's happened since we met. And thinking about the future, and trying to plan things out.
I wrote her a 6 page letter explaining all my feelings and how I felt about her, and reminding her of all the absolutely great times we had together. As well as highlighting my mistakes, and promising to never make her feel pushed away again.
She came over last weekend, I assume originally to return my stuff and call it off. It was different, there was a big elephant in the room, and I finally asked her how she's felt. And she says she still doesn't know. She had some time to think about everything, but doesn't know what she wants to do. We agreed that she would need some more time. We ended up going out for food and a movie, and she stayed the night. Though, opposite sides of the bed, and no kind of intimacy. Which is fine, she needs the space. She read the letter, and said it was very sweet and wished I put that much effort over the last two months. and I just said "I do too"
She came back this weekend, and stayed again. It almost felt back to normal. We spent Saturday and Sunday together, we went out, went shopping, went to one of our favorite restaurants, and another movie. I didn't bring anything up because I didn't want to ruin what felt like a regular weekend with her again. But before she left I just felt like I need to ask how she had been feeling. She said that she came over because she was wanting to feel it out, see how we would do together. And that she had fun with me.
She just still doesn't know if she feels the same way anymore. But that there's something keeping her from saying she wants to break up. She said that she still likes me a lot, and doesn't want to lose contact with me, and that she doesn't want to never see me again. That maybe, she just needs to settle down with her job, parents, and moving. I asked a question, I said "This might be a dumb question, but did we break up?" She said she doesn't know. We kept talking about stuff, and we came down to we didn't break up, but she still needs some time to get everything sorted out. Because, like I said, she's very overwhelmed with a ton of stuff. She still doesn't know where she's gonna move to, if she's gonna be able to move. But she said that she and I make a really good match, that we're best friends.
She's coming back over on Friday, and Saturday we're gonna spend the day looking at some apartments, in the general area where she's looking for a job.
I just don't know what else I can do. And I'm desperate for any advice anyone has to offer.
Here are my thoughts on from my side.
I know I can say she's my priority all I want, but I really need to show it. I've been more active in showing her that. Everything else aside, the last two weeks we've been talking more than we have been in a while. We still call to watch shows. We've been on Survivor, 90 Day Fiance, and Sopranos. I haven't suggested 90 Day lately though given the situation. She's gonna get Stardew soon, and we'll start playing together hopefully this week. Yesterday we started Shogun. I know that the last two weeks isn't going to magically fix all of our problems. I'm very aware of that. But I'm trying to show her she IS my priority.
Career wise, I've reflected a lot on this. I need to use my teaching degree, and get a job as a teacher. It's still my plan to be an artist/teacher. Part of the reason I wanted so badly to do a residency, besides having a studio, I thought it would help a lot on a resume. Plus more actual studio experience, felt like it would be great for my future students. It's always been my plan to teach. If I don't use my teaching certification for 3 years, I have to renew, which I've heard is a pain and expensive. this was my last year before I have to renew, so I felt I could get a residency out of the way before going into teaching full time.
But I'm 100% okay with not getting to do that. Like I said previously, I was honestly a little relieved when I realized it wasn't happening. I'm starting to look for job openings in the area, and I have an interview to be an instructor at a local studio tomorrow. Besides that I have no set in stone plans for a job and where I'm living. Since leaving the residency in December, I've had to move into my parents for the time being. I think no matter what I need to start looking for a new place soon. I hadn't looked before, because I was thinking I'd either move out of state again or move in with her.
If she were up for it after all of this, assuming it goes well, I'd move in with her anywhere she ends up moving to. I half jokingly said that if she has to stay in her current job, and city, that I looked into it and there's a place there I could potentially teach at as well. But she said she doesn't want to feel like she's making me uproot my life for her. But I would have anyways if things went well this whole time. And that if she moves back in with her parents, there's another place up there I could work out of.
Again, I know stuff like that isn't going to magically fix everything. If I said hey let's move in, I know that's not the solution. But I'm not saying let's move in, in hopes that it fixes everything.
She feels like I would be giving things up to be with her. I just don't know how to assure her that it's not me "giving things up" If we were to be together for sure, I would be more than happy to do what it takes to be with her. How to I assure her that "giving things up" isn't a bad thing. I feel like she feels that me staying with her, is the bad option. I also feel like she's afraid that I'd make her feel pushed away again. She asked what happens during the firing next year, and I gonna ignore her again? I assured her I wouldn't, and that I'm over woodfiring a bit. This year was just really rough in terms of my work being woodfired. Just disappointment after disappointment. I've also learned that my professor, who runs the firing, has been cutting off a lot of our regular shift leaders lately. He kept saying that they really needed me this year. I felt bad about our key people missing out, and felt pressure to work as much as I can do make it happen. Which is why I did up to 16 hours a night on the kiln, and spent so much time prepping it the week before, as well as all the pressure of having to rush work. After hearing everything that's going on, I feel almost taken advantage on with this whole situation. Since the firing I've learned about all the people he cut off, and accusations he's made about people.
Also, sorry about such a long post. I wanted to be as detailed as I can, so people don't get the wrong idea about things. I've tried to keep everything clear, while still leaving very personal details to a minimum.
I really thought she was the one, since day one we've gotten along so well. We quickly became each other's best friends. She's my best friend and my favorite person. It's really scary, the thought of losing her. But I hurt her so much, and I didn't even realize it until it was too late, and I feel so terrible about it. There's a part of me that's cautiously optimistic. If we break up what if we never talk again? She's become so ingrained into my life, it's scary to think one day I'll go a whole day without talking to her. I know she's really thinking about it, and taking her time. Instead of jut saying that. I'm very aware of my mistakes, and that I should have done things differently. I'm trying my hardest to make up for it. I know that it'll take some time, it's not something that'll be instantly fixed.
I just don't know what else to do, if I should just keep going the way things are right now, who to talk to about all of this. I just need any kind of advice and/or reassurance. She said that in the worst case scenario, we're just best friends, and she doesn't want us to stop hanging out at all or lose contact. Because we make such a good match.

I intend to post this in debatereligion, but I wanted to put this here and get the insight of you guys. Fair warning, this is a huge post!
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) gave various prophecies leading up to the dajjal (the antichrist), the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ (AS), and other signs of the the Last Hour.
(Note: I'm gonna label some of these like "Narration 1" so they can be referenced later)
Narration 1 The Last Hour would not come until the Romans would land at al-A'maq or in Dabiq. An army consisting of the best (soldiers) of the people of the earth at that time will come from Medina (to counteract them). When they will arrange themselves in ranks, the Romans would say: Do not stand between us and those (Muslims) who took prisoners from amongst us. Let us fight with them; and the Muslims would say: Nay, by Allah, we would never get aside from you and from our brethren that you may fight them. They will then fight and a third (part) of the army would run away, whom Allah will never forgive. A third (part of the army) which would be constituted of excellent martyrs in Allah's eye, would be killed and the third who would never be put to trial would win and they would be conquerors of Constantinople. And as they would be busy in distributing the spoils of war (amongst themselves) after hanging their swords by the olive trees, the Satan would cry: The Dajjal has taken your place among your family. They would then come out, but it would be of no avail. And when they would come to Syria, he would come out while they would be still preparing themselves for battle drawing up the ranks. Certainly, the time of prayer shall come and then Jesus (peace be upon him) son of Mary would descend and would lead them. When the enemy of Allah would see him, it would (disappear) just as the salt dissolves itself in water and if he (Jesus) were not to confront them at all, even then it would dissolve completely, but Allah would kill them by his hand and he would show them their blood on his lance (the lance of Jesus Christ). Sahih Muslim 2897 https://sunnah.com/muslim:2897
Narration 2 (Note: it's not definitively Constantinople being referred to here, but it's unlikely that it's referring to somewhere else) Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (may peace he upon him) saying: You have heard about a city, one side of which is on land and the other is in the sea (Constantinople). They said: Allah's Messenger, yes. Thereupon he said: The Last Hour would not come unless seventy thousand persons from Bani lshaq would attack it. When they would land there, they will neither fight with weapons nor would shower arrows but would only say: "There is no god but Allah and Allah is the Greatest," and one side of it would fall. Thaur (one of the narrators) said: I think that he said: The part by the side of the ocean. Then they would say for the second time: "There is no god but Allah and Allah is the Greatest" and the second side would also fall, and they would say: "There is no god but Allah and Allah is the Greatest," and the gates would be opened for them and they would enter therein and, they would be collecting spoils of war and distributing them amongst themselves when a noise would be heard saying: Verily, Dajjal has come. And thus they would leave everything there and go back. Sahih Muslim 2920a https://sunnah.com/muslim:2920a
Narration 3 Once there blew a red storm in Kufah that there came a person who had nothing to say but (these words): Abdullah b. Masud, the Last Hour has come. He (Abdullah b. Masud) was sitting reclining against something, and he said: The Last Hour would not come until shares of inheritance are not distributed and there is no rejoicing over spoils of war. Then he said pointing towards Syria, with the gesture of his hand like this: The enemy shall muster strength against Muslims and the Muslims will muster strength against them (Syrians). I said: You mean Rome? And he said: Yes, and there would be a terrible fight and the Muslims would prepare a detachment (for fighting unto death) which would not return but victorious. They will fight until night will intervene them; both the sides will return without being victorious and both will be wiped out. The Muslims will again prepare a detachment for fighting unto death so that they may not return but victorious. When it would be the fourth day, a new detachment out of the remnant of the Muslims would be prepared and Allah will decree that the enemy should be routed. And they would fight such a fight the like of which would not be seen, so much so that even if a bird were to pass their flanks, it would fall down dead before reaching the end of them. (There would be such a large scale massacre) that when counting would be done, (only) one out of a hundred men related to one another would be found alive. So what can be the joy at the spoils of such war and what inheritance would be divided! They would be in this very state that they would hear of a calamity more horrible than this. And a cry would reach them: The Dajjal has taken your place among your offspring. They will, therefore, throw away what would be in their hands and go forward sending ten horsemen, as a scouting party. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: I know their names and the names of their forefathers and the color of their horses. They will be the best horsemen on the surface of the earth on that day or amongst the best horsemen on the surface of the earth on that day. Sahih Muslim 2899a https://sunnah.com/muslim:2899a
The events throughout the conquest of Constantinople are roughly described like so...
Narration 1: 1. Romans (Byzantines) arrive to al-A'maq 2. Muslim soldiers from Medina meet them, and they have a great battle 3. 1/3 of the Muslims run away, 1/3 are martyred, and 1/3 continue to live on 4. Constantinople is conquered by the 1/3 Muslim victors 5. They distribute spoils among themselves 6. Satan let's out a scream, saying the dajjal is now a threat, but there's no sight of the dajjal 7. Those Muslims leave and go to Syria, and prepare for battle 8. Dajjal shows himself 9. Jesus (AS) descends for the prayer 10. Dajjal is killed by Jesus (AS)
Narration 2: 1. 70,000 from children of Isaac conquer Constantinople without weapons 2. Distribute spoils among themselves 3. Cry of dajjal, they leave everything and go back 4. (One should note, that the land with "one side of which is on land and the other is in the sea" is not definitively Constantinople, but it's quite unlikely it's referring to something else)
Narration 3: 1. Roman (Byzantine) Syrians muster strength against Muslims, and Muslims muster strength against them 2. Great battle, described as a calamity 3. Cry of dajjal, they throw what's in their hands 4. Ten scouts sent out
In 1453, the Muslims conquered Constantinople, but as we know, the dajjal did not emerge, nor did Jesus (AS). They also did not conquer it without weapons. Therefore, this prophecy has failed.
Many recognize this, and create an interpretation that the first conquest wasn't the prophesied one, and there are going to be two conquests of Constantinople, (the second one being without weapons).
That is like I said: an interpretation. No Hadith makes clear, two separate conquests of Constantinople.
And though these 3 narrations have varying levels of details, they do not contradict each other, (which could reflect that they're two seperate conquests).
One might note that narration 1 SEEMS like it says they use weapons to conquer Constantinople, and narration 2 SEEMS to say that they'll only use words (la ilaha illallah Allahu akbar) to conquer Constantinople, but there's actually nothing in narration 1 that explicitly says they'll use weapons to take over Constantinople. They do indeed hang up their swords, but just because they set their gear down, doesn't mean they used it to take the city. Bear in mind, that they had just gotten done with the infamous Great Battle, gone to Constantinople, and probably expected to be met with force, so one would expect they'd take their sheaths and swords off and set them down after all of that.
Also, the cry of the dajjal is a common factor between all of these narrations, forcing them to be one instance. Unless you want to say that there are going to be multiple cries of the dajjal, and some- be false I guess? Like satan cries it out but it's just a trick?
If you're going to lead with the idea that narration 1 refers to a different conquest than narration 2 (1 using weapons, 2 using words), then you're leading with the idea that: 1. There was the conquest of 1453, with no cry of the dajjal 2. There is going to be another conquest with weapons and with a false/deceiving cry of the dajjal 3. Then there's going to be ANOTHER conquest with only words, and that will have the real cry of the dajjal
That seems to me to be a pretty obviously false idea. So yes, these 3 narrations refer to the same instance. There's nowhere in Hadiths that creates a distinction between two different conquests of Constantinople.
And even the Muslims of the time believed that the dajjal was to emerge after Rome's territory was conquered...
(Note: there's more to this narration before this, but it's irrelevant and takes up space) (Allah's Messenger) said: You will attack Arabia and Allah will enable you to conquer it, then you would attack Persia and He would make you to conquer it. Then you would attack Rome and Allah will enable you to conquer it, then you would attack the Dajjal and Allah will enable you to conquer him. Nafi' said: Jabir, we thought that the Dajjal would appear after Rome (Syrian territory) would be conquered. Sahih Muslim 2900 https://sunnah.com/muslim:2900
No one had an idea that there were two seperate conquests.
Not only that, but these narrations are also limited to their times, and I'll explain why, but also note the following Hadiths:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: The flourishing state of Jerusalem will be when Yathrib is in ruins, the ruined state of Yathrib will be when the great war comes, the outbreak of the great war will be at the conquest of Constantinople and the conquest of Constantinople when the Dajjal (Antichrist) comes forth. He (the Prophet) struck his thigh or his shoulder with his hand and said: This is as true as you are here or as you are sitting (meaning Mu'adh ibn Jabal). (Yathrib is Medina) Sunan Abu Dawud 4294, CLASSED HASAN https://sunnah.com/abudawud:4294
I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: The Last Hour would come (when) the Romans would form a majority amongst people. 'Amr said to him (Mustaurid Qurashi): See what you are saying? He said: I say what I heard from Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). Thereupon he said: If you say that, it is a fact for they have four qualities. They have the patience to undergo a trial and immediately restore themselves to sanity after trouble and attack again after flight. They (have the quality) of being good to the destitute and the orphans, to the weak and, fifthly, the good quality in them is that they put resistance against the oppression of kings. Sahih Muslim 2898a (and Sahih Muslim 2898b says the exact same thing as the bolded text) https://sunnah.com/muslim:2898a https://sunnah.com/muslim:2898b
"I was sitting with the Messenger of Allah when a man said: 'O Messenger of Allah! The people have lost interest in horses and put down their weapons, and they say there is no Jihad, and that war has ended.' The Messenger of Allah turned to face him and said: 'They are lying, now the fighting is to come. There will always be a group among my Ummah who will fight for the truth, for whom Allah will cause some people to deviate, and grant them provision from them, until the Hour begins and until the promise of Allah comes. Goodness is tied to the forelocks of horses until the Day of Resurrection. It has been revealed to me that I am going to die and will not stay long, and you will follow me group after group, striking one another's necks. And the place of safety for the believers is Ash-Sham.'" Sunan an-Nasa'i 3561 https://sunnah.com/nasai:3561
These are the reasons why the prophecies are limited to their time:
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says the dajjal emerges after the conquering of Constantinople, and that the Romans would be a majority when the last hour would come.
When was a time when Constantinople was yet to be conquered, and the Romans were a majority? Hundreds of years ago. The dajjal did not come forth.
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) describes the conquest of Constantinople involving swords, arrows, and horseback.
For example...
Narration 1 says "after hanging their swords by the olive trees"
Narration 2 says "they will neither fight with weapons nor would shower arrows"
Narration 3 says "They will, therefore, throw away what would be in their hands go forward sending ten horsemen, as a scouting party."
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says (in the context of battles) that "goodness is tied to the forelocks of horses until the day of resurrection" which further supports the idea that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) did not expect the world to advance beyond horses in battle.
If you want to say there are two seperate conquests in time, you're saying: 1. The Romans (Byzantines) will once again become a majority among the people, as the Byzantine empire fell many hundreds of years ago, and that their descendants that are still alive today, will become a majority, and fight the Muslims again. 2. People will revert to swords, bows, and horses. 3. Constantinople will once again fall into the hands of people other than the Muslims.
Another thing I've heard, is that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) used words like swords, arrows, and horses, so that people of the time would understand what he's talking about. Because if he mentioned guns, and cars they would think he's crazy and telling lies, or maybe the narrations would've been abandoned long ago for sounding crazy.
I have nothing to irrefutably disprove this, but I would think that the average, unbiased mind would not give this grace. I mean, imagine if Christianity or the LDS church said this. Would you give them such a great benefit?
One thing I can say, is that if he knew there would be a second conquest involving guns and cars, but he didn't want to throw the people off, he could've just avoided those specific details, or used neutral words, like how he uses "weapons" in narration 2. He could say they would send out scouts, and not mention horses. He didn't need to mention swords, the showering of arrows, and horses.
SECOND:
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) also gave these prophecies...
When Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had finished his prayer, he sat on the pulpit smiling and said: Every worshipper should keep sitting at his place. He then said: Do you know why I had asked you to assemble? They said: Allah and His Messenger know best. He said: By Allah. I have not made you assemble for exhortation or for a warning, but I have detained you here, for Tamim Dari, a Christian, who came and accepted Islam, told me something, which agrees with what I was telling, you about the Dajjal. He narrated to me that he had sailed in a ship along with thirty men of Bani Lakhm and Bani Judham and had been tossed by waves in the ocean for a month. Then these (waves) took them (near) the land within the ocean (island) at the time of sunset. They sat in a small side-boat and entered that island. There was a beast with long thick hair (and because of these) they could not distinguish his face from his back. They said: Woe to you, who can you be? Thereupon it said: I am al-Jassasa. They said: What is al-Jassasa? And it said: O people, go to this person in the monastery as he is very much eager to know about you. He (the narrator) said: When it named a person for us we were afraid of it lest it should be a devil. Then we hurriedly went on till we came to that monastery and found a well-built person there with his hands tied to his neck and having iron shackles between his two legs up to the ankles. We said: Woe be upon thee, who are you? And he said: You would soon come to know about me. but tell me who are you. We said: We are people from Arabia and we embarked upon a boat but the sea-waves had been driving us for one month and they brought as near this island. We got Into the side-boats and entered this island and here a beast met us with profusely thick hair and because of the thickness of his hair his face could not be distinguished from his back. We said: Woe be to thee, who are you? It said: I am al- Jassasa. We said: What is al-Jassasa? And it said: You go to this very person in the monastery for he is eagerly waiting for you to know about you. So we came to you in hot haste fearing that that might be the Devil. He (that chained person) said: Tell me about the date-palm trees of Baisan. We said: About what aspect of theirs do you seek information? He said: I ask you whether these trees bear fruit or not. We said: yes. Thereupon he said: I think these would not bear fruits. He said: Inform me about the lake of Tabariyya? We said: Which aspect of it do you want to know? He said: Is there water in it? They said: There is abundance of water in it. Thereupon he said: I think it would soon become dry. He again said: Inform me about the spring of Zughar. They said: Which aspect of it you want to know? He (the chained person) said: Is there water in it and does it irrigate (the land)? We said to him: Yes, there is abundance of water in it and the inhabitants (of Medina) irrigate (land) with the help of it, He said: Inform me about the unlettered Prophet; what has he done? We said: He has come out from Mecca and has settled In Yathrib (Medina). He said: Do the Arabs fight against him? We said: Yes. He said: How did he deal with them? We informed him that he had overcome those in his neighbourhood and they had submitted themselves before him. Thereupon he said to us: Has it actually happened? We said: Yes. Thereupon he said: If it is so that is better for them that they should show obedience to him. I am going to tell you about myself and I am Dajjal and would be soon permitted to get out and so I shall get out and travel in the land, and will not spare any town where I would not stay for forty nights except Mecca and Medina as these two (places) are prohibited (areas) for me and I would not make an attempt to enter any one of these two. An angel with a sword in his hand would confront me and would bar my way and there would be angels to guard every passage leading to it; then Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) striking the pulpit with the help of the end of his staff said: This implies Taiba meaning Medina. Have I not, told you an account (of the Dajjal) like this? 'The people said: Yes, and this account narrated by Tamim Dari was liked by me for it corroborates the account which I gave to you in regard to him (Dajjal) at Medina and Mecca. Behold he (Dajjal) is in the Syrian sea (Mediterranean) or the Yemen sea (Arabian sea). Nay, on the contrary, he is in the east, he is in the east, he is in the east, and he pointed with his hand towards the east. I (Fatima bint Qais) said: I preserved it in my mind (this narration from Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). Sahih Muslim 2942a https://sunnah.com/muslim:2942a
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) seems to agree with this story as truth (at the least doesn't say that Tamim Dari's experience is total bogus), and says that the dajjal is on earth, existing, alive, and in the east.
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says "Have I not, told you an account (of the Dajjal) like this?"
The dajjal says he will not spare any town, but Mecca and Medina as angels guard it and prevent him from entering. This is exactly what Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said. Sahih Bukhari 1881 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:1881
Everything the dajjal says in this agrees with what Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says. The dajjal accurately states everything that was going on in Arabia at the time, so we have good reason to believe the dajjal was being accurate when he reportedly said, "I am dajjal and would be soon permitted to get out"
Here, Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says in two narrations that Jesus Christ (AS) will descend from the heavens soon...
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "By Him in Whose Hands my soul is, son of Mary (Jesus) will shortly descend amongst you people (Muslims) as a just ruler and will break the Cross and kill the pig and abolish the Jizya (a tax taken from the non-Muslims, who are in the protection, of the Muslim government). Then there will be abundance of money and nobody will accept charitable gifts. Sahih Bukhari 2222 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:2222
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "By Him in Whose Hands my soul is, surely (Jesus,) the son of Mary will soon descend amongst you and will judge mankind justly (as a Just Ruler); he will break the Cross and kill the pigs and there will be no Jizya (i.e. taxation taken from non Muslims). Money will be in abundance so that nobody will accept it, and a single prostration to Allah (in prayer) will be better than the whole world and whatever is in it." Abu Huraira added "If you wish, you can recite (this verse of the Holy Book): -- 'And there is none Of the people of the Scriptures (Jews and Christians) But must believe in him (i.e Jesus as an Apostle of Allah and a human being) Before his death. And on the Day of Judgment He will be a witness Against them." Sahih Bukhari 3448 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3448
And we have Prophet Muhammad (SAW) waking fearfully and telling Zainab (his wife) some news...
That the Prophet (ﷺ) came to her in a state of fear saying, "None has the right to be worshiped but Allah! Woe to the Arabs because of evil that has come near. Today a hole has been made in the wall of Gog and Magog as large as this." pointing with two of his fingers making a circle. Zainab said, "I said, 'O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Shall we be destroyed though amongst us there are pious people? ' He said, 'Yes, if evil increases." Sahih Bukhari 3598 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3598
The Prophet (ﷺ) got up from his sleep with a flushed red face and said, "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah. Woe to the Arabs, from the Great evil that is nearly approaching them. Today a gap has been made in the wall of Gog and Magog like this." (Sufyan illustrated by this forming the number 90 or 100 with his fingers.) It was asked, "Shall we be destroyed though there are righteous people among us?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Yes, if evil increased." Sahih Bukhari 7059 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:7059
Zainab bint Jahsh reported that Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) got up from sleep saying: There is no being worthy of worship except Allah; there is a destruction in store for Arabia because of turmoil which is at hand, the barrier of Gog and Magog has opened so much. And Sufyan made a sign of ten with the help of his hand (in order to indicate the width of the gap) and I said: Allah's Messenger, would we be perished in spite of the fact that there would be good people amongst us? Thereupon he said: Of course, but only when the evil predominates. Sahih Muslim 2880a https://sunnah.com/muslim:2880a
Zainab bint Jahsh, the wife of Allah's Apostle (ﷺ), reported that one day Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came out in a state of excitement with his face quite red. And he was saying: There is no god but Allah; there is a destruction in store for Arabia because of the turmoil which is near at hand as the barrier of Gog and Magog has been opened like it, and he (in order to explain it) made a ring with the help of his thumb and forefinger. I said: Allah's Messenger, would we be destroyed despite the fact that there would be pious people amongst us? He said: Yes, when evil would be predominant. Sahih Muslim 2880c https://sunnah.com/muslim:2880c
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says that the evil of Gog and Magog is "near" or "near at hand," and the wall containing their people has opened up a little bit.
Here's another prophecy:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) sent us on foot to get spoil, but we returned without getting any. When he saw the signs of distress on our faces, he stood up on our faces and said: O Allah, do not put them under my care, for I would be too weak to care for them; do not put them in care of themselves, for they would be incapable of that, and do not put them in the care of men, for they would choose the best things for themselves. He then placed his hand on my head and said: Ibn Hawalah, when you see the caliphate has settled in the holy land, earthquakes, sorrows and serious matters will have drawn near and on that day the Last Hour will be nearer to mankind than this hand of mine is to your head. Abu Dawud said: 'Abd Allah b. Hawalah belongs to Hims. Sunan Abu Dawud 2535 https://sunnah.com/abudawud:2535
The "holy land" refers to the area roughly known as Israel and Palestine. The caliphate settled in Jersualem around the year 638 by Caliph Umar.
And Allah (SWT) in the Quran says... "The Hour has come near, and the moon has split [in two]." Quran 54:1 https://legacy.quran.com/54/1
Now, "soon," "near at hand," "nearer" and "near" are all relative, and Gog and Magog's wall opening up doesn't necessarily demand it would happen quickly, but with the prior Hadiths mentioning swords, horses, and arrows during the emergence of the dajjal; one may begin to understand how "soon" these things really were expected.
When Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says Jesus (AS) will descend shortly, and says the dajjal will emerge when swords, bows, and horseback are being used; one can understand how 'soon' Jesus was expected to descend (and kill the dajjal).
In conclusion Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says that: 1. The dajjal is on earth, and seems to agree that he will soon emerge. 2. Jesus (AS) will descend soon. 3. Gog and Magog's wall has opened up a bit. Woe to the Arabs for the evil that is nearly approaching them. 4. (Places his hand on companion's head) The last hour will be nearer to the people than his hand is to his head when the caliphate settle in the holy land (which happened in 638). 5. The dajjal will emerge after the conquering of Constantinople. 6. The Romans will be a majority when the last hour comes. 7. They will be using swords, bows, and horses during the conquering of Constantinople and the emergence of the dajjal And Allah (SWT) says the hour has drawn near.
There's no reason to believe that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) expected the world to go on for atleast another 1400 years.
BONUS:
In this Hadith, Utba b. Ghazwan says that the Muslims were given news of the world's ending, and that's it quite early, (atleast I'm like 85% sure that's what means)...
Utba b. Ghazwan delivered us a sermon and he praised Allah and lauded Him, then said: Now coming to the point, verily the world has been given the news of its end and that too quite early. Nothing would be left out of it but only water left in the utensil which its owner leaves, and you are going to shift to an abode which knows no end, and you should shift with the good before you, for we have been told that a stone would be thrown at one side of the Hell and it would go down even for seventy years but would not be able to reach its bottom. By Allah, it would be fully packed. Do you find it something strange, and it has been mentioned that there yawns a distance which one would be able to cover in forty years from one end to another of Paradise, and a day would come when it would be fully packed and you must be knowing that I was the seventh amongst seven who had been with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and we had nothing to eat but the leaves of the tree until the corners of the mouth were injured. (The Hadith goes on, but it doesn't appear relevant and it takes up a lot of space). Sahih Muslim 2967a https://sunnah.com/muslim:2967a
This could support the idea that the Muslims (who knew Prophet Muhammad (SAW) first-hand) did not think the world was going to last terribly long.

My coworker (23F) and I (23M) have been best friends from elementary school. We've been through middle school, high school, and college. We even got accepted into same college and also got into the same company after graduating, although we work in different fields. It was great because we could have lunches together, also it was nice having my best friend at work. We dated different people in our life but never each other, although I did come close to asking her out a few times but never got the courage to do so.
A couple of weeks ago, I did somehow muster up the courage to ask her out because I genuinely thought over the past few months there was some tension building between us and we were both single so I thought I would give it a shot. But she seemed slightly shocked that I asked her out, and asked if we could just remain friends because the friendship was really valuable. I was genuinely hurt and she could probably see it in my face and she apologized but I told her it was ok and that there was no need to apologize.
The next day however, I wasn’t feeling too great and when I saw her at work and when she said hi, I just ignored her and went to my desk. I didn’t have lunch with her that afternoon, and ignored a couple of her texts. This carried for the next couple of days where I just ignored her, but after that, she stopped saying hi to me. I have noticed her looking at me a few times, but it’s like we’re complete strangers now.
AITAH?

AITA?
I’ve been undergoing IVF for a year and a half. There aren’t words to explain how painful it’s been mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. In short, I am 35, I have stage IV endometriosis, I’ve had two surgeries to deal with three grapefruit-sized ovarian cysts and uterine polyps, three medicated cycles, two IUIs, two egg retrievals, one miracle natural pregnancy and a miscarriage of our daughter at 11 weeks, a D&E, two months of medical menopause, one frozen embryo transfer followed by horrific subchorionic hemorrhage and miscarriage of our son at 6 weeks. The two miscarriages were within six months of one another. Of course, in the midst of these milestones, I constantly have been on pills, patches, and injections, both subcutaneous and intramuscular. Currently, I’m one week out from my second miscarriage and I have no living children, which is all to say that it’s been hell.
The day we found out I was pregnant with our son from my frozen embryo transfer, we went to tell my mother in law, who promptly told our news my husband’s brother and his sister in law without our permission. To be clear, it wasn’t a slip up. My SIL expressed that they hadn’t heard the results of our pregnancy test yet, and my MIL gleefully shared our news.
When I found out, I was devastated. It was our news to tell and, frankly, having waged war for two years to get pregnant with very few happy days in between, getting to tell family was one of the milestones you pray for. With IVF, there are so few surprises — everyone knows which embryo is being transferred, that the embryo in our case was a boy, when the transfer will be, when the pregnancy test will be, etc. The only surprise is the outcome. It’s one of the only surprising and magical aspects of a traditional pregnancy that isn’t stolen by infertility.
My husband told my MIL I was upset that she robbed us of the opportunity to share the good news with our family, but she refused to apologize to me. She focused only on her intent and disregarded the impact of her actions on me. She never called. She never texted. She just snubbed me.
A week later, I suffered the subchorionic hemorrhage and bled out at the ER. For a week, we waited to hear if we’d lost our son, and we finally found out last Friday (five days later) that I’d lost him in the hemorrhage. I still haven’t heard from her. No text. No call. No sorry. No condolences.
I’ve known my MIL for a decade. I call her mom. I’ve shown up for her. I’ve listened to her complain about her husband and other members of her family. I’ve cooked for her. I’ve given her free legal advice. During my last miscarriage and before my D&E, I sat with her at the hospital with my dead daughter still inside me so as to support her following a surgery she had the same day we found the missed miscarriage. All to say, I thought we were close. I’m crushed by this, and it’s difficult for me to get over…to the point that I have no interest in a relationship if this is how proud, selfish, and small she is.
Am I off base? Candidly, I know I’m grieving and that my hormones are going wild after coming off of estradiol, progesterone in oil, synthroid, and having my HCG plummet. But I’m just so crushed by her stubbornness, particularly in the wake of our loss.
To complicate things, my husband thinks I’m being unfair and says he “doesn’t want to be in the middle of this,” which is crushing in its own way.

Since I was little I’ve had trust issues. My dad and elementary school friends were very untrustworthy which spiraled through middle school. Around 2 years ago I became friends with a girl I’ll call M. After about a year M met L. L was nice enough, a little weird but not unpleasant. It was obvious they were into eachother even though they both denied it. 3 months later I got a sickness for around 4 days and would call them when I got bored. I told them it would be so fun to hang out since we had only hung out once outside of school before. They both agreed and then the next day (when they were still aware I was sick) they hung out. I had no clue until L accidentally told me on call and asked me to not tell M he said. It stressed me out so much and M started playing victim and over apologizing. I just asked if they hand out again to let me know. A month later they hang out again and don’t tell me. I freak again and M gives me the same apology. Happens a week later. At this point im so fed up and then M starts dating L without telling me. I get pissed at her because she won’t stop hiding stuff and she acts like it’s not big deal. I get over it and apologize. For the past four days they both leave me on delivered for hours and text me back at the same time. I feel like such a control freak wanting to know when something happens but it’s stressful when they don’t tell me. I hate it so much oh my god. They’re my only friends so I can’t tell anyone else.

I just don't know what to do. My heart is broken, I love him and don't want to leave but I'm at a loss.
I (F21) discovered my fiance (M23) cheated on me today.
I was playing a game on the laptop and his phone had went off, I had believed it was our mutual friend who for the sake of keeping privacy ill call Tea. So I opened up the messages to respond for him (this is something we usually do for each other, we will respond for each other so our texts aren't missed or late and then let each other know what the person said) however upon opening the text conversation it was indeed not our friend but someone he had known in the past. The conversation log honestly left me numb and disgusted. In the conversation they had taken to talking about the past, bringing up the fact he had fingered her and they both greatly enjoyed it. (Until this point he had been lying to me, telling me I was the only one he had ever done that too) and that he wanted her to be his girlfriend in the past but was to scared to ask. He then brought me up, just absolutely bashing me, saying I was mean, scary and controlling. (Which hurts because the only times I've ever "controlled him" was to keep him from doing things that would kill him (ie he has epilepsy so he has to take his medication on time, cannot drink alcohol and usually can't smoke Marijuana as this will trigger seizures) and brought up that he wanted to leave me but I wouldn't let him (which was also mind boggling as we just got a dog together and where discussing getting married on my birthday. We haven't had any fights and everything was going really great)
As soon as he walked in the room I confronted him. My heart was beating out of my chest, I felt like throwing up, screaming and crying. He was VERY quick to say what he did was in fact not cheating, and that he was sorry and didn't mean any of it.
After a short discussion (with my mom getting involved) I told him that no one was forcing him to be with me, and if he felt he wanted to leave he could do so at any time. He once again apologized (with almost no emotion) and said that he genuinely loves me and wants to be with me. I made him block the girl (after I sent her a very nasty message warning her to stay away) and delete all his social media's until he proves I can trust him.
Apart of me dosent know if I ever can trust him, but I can't just leave, I have no friends, no where to go, he's our only source of income and I love him very very dearly. This isn't the first time he's done something like this, but this is the worst it's ever gotten.
I'm just at loss of words, did I over react? Am I in the wrong? What should i do?

My former friend (who I'll call F (he/him) for now) and I are no longer friends after our friendship ended up falling out due to miscommunications between us.
I have autism and possible ADHD, which makes it difficult for me to explain how I'm feeling at certain times, picking up social cues, the whole package. Around the time that we met, I had escaped from a toxic friendship and was dealing with the trauma that came from it.
Our relationship didn't get off to a good start, but we ended up being friends nonetheless for a year and a half. During the friendship, something that I noticed is that anytime that I may have done something that F didn't like, he would clam up until I had to sit him down properly and bring it up to F.
During one of those sit-downs, F suggested that we take a break from each other after listing a bunch of things that I did that made him uncomfortable, and I reluctently agreed while in the midst of an emotional breakdown brought on by abandonment issues/RSD(rejection sensitivity dysphoria). We took a break from each other for a month, and everything went back to normal after that. I had a weird feeling that this would occur again the following year.
And so it went: the following year, roughly around the same time as last year, we had to take another break. This time, I had to be the one to speak up about it because over the past few months, I had noticed that some of the actions that I was doing was taking an emotional toll on F, and I was scared of harming him even more than I already have. F sounded surprised at first, but respected my desicion.
In the middle of that break, I asked to talk to F about something that I noticed, now that we had some space from each other. We agreed to meet up, and I told him something that I had mentioned to F a while back, but I would repeat it for future encounters: If you see me say/do something that upsets you, don't hesitate to tell me about it right away. I won't know until much later when the damage has already been done. F thanked me for this and we went on with our day. Later, F texts me saying that he has acknowledged what I said, and he has come to the realization that it was me who was making him uncomfortable all along, and F didn't want to contact me for a long while. F also said that he doesn't hate me, nor this was entirely my fault. I immediately apologized and expressed my regret of hurting him.
About a week later, F apologized for how he treated me, but said that he still didn't want to talk to me. F also noticed that I was imtimidated whenever he was around me. F said that he understands that how I treated him was due to how I "perceived my enviroment with the lens I've been given." (Basically how I was treated back home. I have an emotionally abusive father that I have to deal with constantly.) F also suggested that we attempt greeting each other in the hallways as a way to slowly build up the relationship once again. However, F has gotten uncomfortable with the fact that I hang around a friend that we both share whenever he's around.
I still have feelings for F, yet we both acknowledged that we both need time to heal. Even though this acknowledgement has been made, I have conflicting feelings. One says wait for a year and try to befriend F again, while another one says that I should try to move on with my life and make more friends. I have been getting help along the way, but now I'm conflicted on where to go from here.

This happened in February, so quite a while ago but honestly I think overall context of our friendship is important. This girl and I had known each other since 2nd grade but we didn't get close until 5th. She went to a different middle school, and I had limited social media but I always found a way to contact her throughout the years. I even got several social media accounts behind my parents backs just to be able to talk to her. In 7th grade I got discord, and throughout that year she had ghosted ME twice. But, I somehow always got her contact back. There was always some reason, whether that be she got logged out and forgot her password or she had gotten grounded or she was at the mental hospital and so on. It didn't bother me completely, and even though we'd go months without contact sometimes, we always had a great time and there was never ever any tension between us when we'd eventually talk again.
That being said, we had been in contact and I had suggested hanging out. We agreed on buying edibles, however she requested money for us to split (please remember this). When j got to her house she had already had a dealer to buy from. I am not one to really do drugs, in fact I had only done an edible one other time before this, so I was counting on her who had explained she had experience. The dealer offered four 50mg for $15, and then another $15 or something for gas money. My friend, who I'm gonna call Amber, told me she didn't have that kind of money and I offered to pay as long as she got me the money back later. So we walked over to meet, and when I handed the gas money the dealer just gave me another bag of edibles. I still have no idea what that was about, but regardless that's what happened.
As soon as we got the extra bag, Amber rips the hand out of my bag and tells me straight up she was gonna keep it. I amwardly laugh, taken aback she had decided to claim it without even asking or anything. Nonetheless, I opened up my own bag and ate the gummy. Amber reached into my bag as well, which had also bothered me but I had stayed silent. It seemed odd that despite the fact that I was paying she was the one getting to keep the majority without even asking but I didn't wanna be annoying.
Time skip, I start feeling the effects a lot sooner than her obviously. But, I realize i don't feel more relaxed or carefree or whatever. Instead, her room my surroundings were green and pink (she did have pink lights but I do want to note that it was a lot more contrasted now) and things seemed to be moving in slow motion. I thought it was cool at first, but soon I was just uncomfortable. I was twitching like crazy and my thoughts were racing like crazy. To sum it up, I ended up greening out. Because well, I had taken a 50 mg edible with little built up tolerance.
When I first began feeling off, I had informed Amber I was just going to sit off to the side and listen to music. She acted annoyed towards me for that, even if I tried to explain that I wasn't up to anything else (if you've greened out you'd understand why). Later on while I was throwing up in the toilet, she was just telling me to be quiet so her parents don't hear (we're minors if it wasn't obvious already) and scolding me for basically vomiting my guts out too loudly. She also would leave me there because she didn't like throw up (honestly I don't blame her for that one, still I was left unattended). I ended up calling a different friend because I had no idea how to handle myself and Amber wasn't doing much.
While I was throwing up, Amber had come inside and asked if I wanted her to take my bag, and I (again, while feeling awfully sick and disoriented) had agreed and just handed it over without much thought. I guess her family saw me when I left (I did have blue lips that I had tried to cover up with makeup but I'm reality I don't remember how well that went.) and clocked Amber pretty fast. She had sent me panicked texts but we agreed that if they got suspicious we'd say we got food poisoning. Later we agreed she'd try and drop off the money and the other bag I had bought (though she tried to go around that detail while discussing it) as a sort of apology for how things went. But, later she informed me she couldn't find the bags and she was pretty sure she was caught.
I haven't heard from her since. She told me she'd most likely be sent to the mental hospital again if she was caught. I don't know how long she'd stay in there (I didn't ask questions surrounding her experiences out of respect) so I have no idea if she hasn't contact me simply because she can't or if she's been out. I guess technically, she'd still be the one ghosting me. But, I've decided that I do not want to be the one that goes out of my way to find her this time. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being fake or overdramatic for this, but others seemed to have justified my decision, though I tend to overthink.

warning ahead of time, my story heavily mentions infertility and miscarriages. Also all names are fake.
This is a long story which involves a lot of context, so sorry if details become blurry or lack info as I'm really not trying to write a novel lol, I'm just seeking advice and sharing my story. (also my apologies if I go on tangents).
I (41F) have 2 sisters, Cora the middle sister (38F) and Noelle the youngest (34F). On my mothers side there is an infertility gene that has been passed down through 5 generations. My grandmothers older sister, my mothers younger sister, and my cousin all are infertile. There is no pattern of gets the gene like how with some families the first born on the mothers side will be passed down a certain gene, however there are signs to who is infertile with abnormal menstrual cycles. For example my Grandmothers sisters would last 2 weeks and my cousins has always been short and irregular (she cant even track it because of how irregular it is). I got my period for the first time at 17 which was a year after Cora had gotten hers at 13 and get it every other month so safe to say I was the infertile of my sisters,
While I never thought my family didn't love me after that they definitely put my 2 sisters above me as they where the ones who could give them grandkids. Cora always thought it was bs and never treated me different, and she too eventually fell out of fertility favor when she came out as a lesbian and started dating her now wife Jen (39F) . Noelle was always extra pampered by our mother anyway due to the stereotype of course of her being the baby but after that she had affectively become the golden child. She would always make snide jokes directed at me for being infertile and later at Cora for "choosing not to do anything with her gift", she would also humble brag by saying "its suuuch a burden being the only one who can keep our family tree growing branches" and "the continuation of our bloodline being on my back is suchhhh a huge responsibility, your so lucky its not on you".
when I was 21 in college I met my first boyfriend Peter (now 43M), it was your typical first love situation. With my family being Christian we weren't allowed to date until 18 and where expected to wait until marriage which I did, so while Peter was not my first time he was my first everything else and I thought he was going to be my forever. My family all loved him and accepted him as one of us, I could tell Noelle had a crush on him but I didn't really pay attention to it as its not uncommon with teenage girls to have a crush on any guy whos nice to them and I wasn't going to be jealous and scared id loose my 23-27 year old boyfriend to my 13-17 year old sister. Peter broke up with me after 4 years, he had gotten an "anonymous tip" from a family member revealing my infertility to him and he broke up with me as he wanted children . I was crushed obviously.
A few months later after my sisters 18th birthday I a email from my sister (this was back when holding conversations like texting through emails was the norm) of her telling me that her and Pete are getting engaged, and revealing that it was her and our mom who revealed I was infertile to Peter but them being together now had nothing to do with it, she said "love works in interesting ways and the heart wants what it wants." and "4 years is a long time but its nothing on the lifetime me and Pete will spend together and i believe you can find solitude in the love me and Pete have found in each other" she even asked me to be her MOH. I was obviously livid for one that my mother and sister sabotaged my relationship THEN let my sister get engaged to the man. Secondly that my 27 year old ex was marrying my sister who he had known since she was 13, she was still a baby to me even thought she was 18. I called my mother to breakdown to her about how she could do this to me, not only me but my sister she had only turned 18 4 months ago for fucks sake and is getting married to an almost 30 year old man and she was supporting it? what did my dear mother have to say? "Look (my name) I understand your upset and jealous, its good that you are even, its healthy right now. But they are truly truly in love the heart wants what it wants and age? its just a number, your sister is happy so of course I support them and Peters a good man who deserves someone who can give him a family. He is no longer just your ex boyfriend he's your soon to be brother in law and the father of my future grandchildren. You had good times and he will always have love for you but he is in love with Noelle now, if you wanna abandon your family over something as petty as jealousy that's your mistake. I have to go now, you were yelling so loud sister overheard your meltdown over the phone and is crying". A lot of family supported me and the relationship didn't attend the wedding which of course my mom and sister took as me "turning family against them and making Pete feel unwelcome in our family, I didn't care and really only wanted to heal, thankfully my family who stuck by me helped me through that time, Cora and Jen even let me live with them and helped me get back on my feet and meet new people.
It was because of them I met my husband James (now 45M) when I was 30, he truly is my soulmate, he taught me and showed me everything there is to know about loving someone, stuff I didn't even know where possible. If I could tell our love story here I would, but like I said tangents so I better stop here until I just go on and on about how much I love him and how amazing he is. We got married a year later and was pregnant with our first son by the time we got back from our honeymoon, 2 years later we had our second son and the year after we had our baby girl. I have not seen my sister since she was 18 and have only seen my mother occasionally at family gatherings. She will say one or 2 things to me then avoid me for the rest of the night. Every time I've been pregnant my mother will say things like "congratulations but maybe don't get your hopes up you'll most likely miscarry" will say I just got lucky, I was probably having "test tube babies" or she'd make snide comments about my kids being "half breeds" and how we "might as well have had given my daughter a sex change at birth as she is going to be tall and built like a man" (James is 6,4 and black while I am Caucasian and 5,9 the tallest of all the woman in my family which my mom and sister always made fun of me for, they are 4,11 and 5,2 respectively). We don't really go to family gathering my mother will be at anymore after that comment, I have never asked about my sister and her husband because I don't care, I have my own life now and Cora has never bothered me with the information.
finally to the point of this story.
2 months ago I discovered I was pregnant again, me and my hubby are pleasantly surprised as we had been debating having a fourth and final for some time, and the kids are excited to have a new brother or sister. I got an email from my mom and sister congratulating me on the news and of course reminding me not to get my hopes up and asking me out to coffee, I can already hear you screaming NOOO behind your computer but I agreed, even thought my sister betrayed me I do miss her a lot and i know she was the least at fault for what happened. We met at a shop in my sisters town, face wise she looked the same however her physic had changed she used to be a gymnast in hs and before Peter was supposed to go to college on a gymnastics scholarship, she was now very petite and lost all her muscle. Her hair was also died blonde, she naturally has very beautiful light brown thick healthy hair which she was always very proud of however is was not visibly thin and damaged from the bleaching, Peter always had a thing for blondes and when we where together he would beg me to dye it but I refused, so she has most likely been dying for a long time for him.
It was pretty awkward for a while , mom wasn't even really talking and even though I did ask Noelle about her life she would only reply with one word answers so i just stopped asking because this isn't the fucking View, after about 10 minutes my mom broke the silence and said "alright lets just cut to the chase, your sister has been having miscarriages her whole marriage and Pete has given her a year to have a baby or she will leave him. So we talked it through and decided it would be best if you ether be her surrogate once your baby is born or you could adopt out this new one too your sister. Preferably you we want you to be a surrogate as I still don't have a real grandchild but your getting older so adoption works too. what do you say (my name)" I can only imagine the look on my face in that moment, it probably looked like Apu from the Simpsons when the doctor reveals him and his wife have octuplets, Noelle chimed in with "please do this for me (my name). its been so painful seeing you flaunt getting pregnant all this time while I've lost baby after baby, if Pete leaves me I'll have nothing and have to move back in with mom and dad, I'm a housewife, I didn't go to college I've never had a job or my own money this is my only hope. You need to step up and help me." I was blown away at the entitlement of them thinking I need to help my sister, especially them acting like I owed her something. I replied with "you have not talked to me in years and the first thing you say to me after all this? no apology not even acknowledging what you did wrong? no, no absolute in fucking hell am I doing any of those things for you, I don't owe ether of you anything, period. Let alone my fucking baby or my womb. I'm sorry you cannot carry a baby and I'm sorry your husbands a POS but its honestly not my problem."
Que my sister slamming her head on the table and bursting into scream cries out of a fucking horror movie while my mother started angry chuckling while shaking her head back and forth. mom said "unbelievable, after all this time your still the selfish little bitch you always where, your married with kids and still aren't over Peter?? You can flaunt you and that (N word with a hard r)'s disgusting cross breeds all over social media knowing your sister will see it but when its time to do the right thing you wont?? not because you cant, you just don't want you!!! you are nothing but a selfish piece of scum! my sister then screamed how I was an evil witch and that I used witchcraft to steal her life and her fertility, "your babies, your happy marriage, your job your house it should of all been mine!! it was all supposed to be mine! me and Pete where supposed to have everything you and your (n word with hard R) have now, it was our life!! not yours ours!! your an evil witch and you took everything from me!! you will NOT get away with it bitch I wont let you anymore!!". I just got up and left with my sister in hysterics just chanting "she cant get away with this" and my mom holding her and gently sobbing into her hair while glaring daggers at me.
Since then me and my husband have been getting angry calls and messages from my mom, sister and a fee family members (I believe they are referred to as flying monkeys here on reddit). Telling me I need to step up, be a good big sister, finally do the right thing. My sister has even been threatening violence against me and my kids.
I am terrified, thankfully my kids school has let them join their classes via zoom and my husband has been doing the best he can to keep me calm but I am absolutely stressed which i fear is what my mom and sister want to happen so it will affect my pregnancy. We have installed cameras and hubby works from home, he is ex military so I know if they show up he will be able to protect us but I feel anxious in my own home. My in laws (who are beyond incredible) want us to drive up and stay with them for safety however they live 4 hours away I don't want my kids to be doing school online and away from their friends and activities for a long period of time but I honestly think that we might have to start considering it as we caught Noelle and Peter on our ring camera last night taking pictures of the outside of my house and me and James cars, then fleeing when they noticed we had a ring.
I am desperate for advice right now, anything would be appreciated.