Right side of face feels swollen

So I am out of Local 22, San Francisco Bay Area, and I’m proud and thankful to be a union member. I’ve HEARD it’s slow right now but I have been working this entire year so can’t feel it. The Nor Cal Carpenters Union is strong, we have great wage scale, our apprentices start at $36, journey at $60. A lot of companies pay OVER the rate, like $3-$8 dollars over, because we are a high cost of living area, so they compensate us. We have strong representation in the politics, local, regional, and state. We get a LOT of work usually. Every government job and the majority of other jobs are union jobs. There’s even union carpenters that work directly for the city. We have it good here, REALLY good. I think there’s only one or two more regions that pay more than we get.
Now I keep seeing post from brothers from other regions saying how the starting pay is barely livable on, I hear about brothers in Midwest or southern states get excited because the union got ONE contract in there local(excited over just one contract? Really) I hear brothers complain about non union jobs control the majority of the market share. I hear complaints and gripes about this or that and another, and it’s hard to hear for me, because I love the union and it’s good to me.
Now my question is, why are we not doing well in certain parts of the country? Why aren’t we, as a brotherhood, doing more to make sure we ALL do well with our careers? And lastly, what can we brothers in other parts of the country, do to help bring up our brothers that are struggling in difficult regions?

At the end of the day, it's only us that can solve our problems but why do we keep wasting time on purpose just constantly overthinking doubting and overanalyzing leading to bad thoughts or feelings like fear, anxiety, insecurities.
Life is short but I'm so focused and caught off guard with my problems that I'm just sucked into overthinking phase.. I can't help it. I don't know how to find presence or that courage to face my fears.

I was tidying my son’s room just now when it occurred to me that I absolutely loathe one toy in particular with every fibre of my being. It’s this PJ Masks truck thing which came with a bunch of smaller vehicles and accessories. It’s a really awkward size that doesn’t seem to fit anywhere and trying to keep all the parts together is driving me insane. Plus, the side panels don’t connect up properly so they’re constantly dropping down.
He never even plays with the stupid thing, but I’m shouted down when I suggest retiring it to the charity shop. Tbh I’d feel guilty making it some other poor souls problem. My plan is to disappear it to toy escrow for a couple of weeks to see if he even notices, then I’ll retire it to the farm. I can’t any more.

I’m thankful in retrospect for the whole COVID scam. It provided insight into human nature and the structure of the modern world that would have been unbelievable without seeing it play out in front of me. It played out like a really bad horror story written by an idiot; if I had read the plot of it I would have thought it too stupid to be published.
Who would have believed that the whole world (with tiny resistance by Sweden) would act in coordination pushing the same exact policies, procedures, shutdowns and forced vaccinations (revealing that nations are mere inferior subsidiaries of global control)? Who would have believed that the vast majority of people would go along with face diapers, shutdowns, and $11 trillion in monetary printing, not to mention injecting themselves with totally untested and ultra-dangerous mRNA “vaccines” because the media screamed at them loud enough to? And that people would basically universally prefer to forget about the experience than to learn any lessons from it? Who would forget China going along with the whole scam by promoting fake videos of people dropping dead in the streets?
To be clear, because I keep seeing it in the news and in “right wing” blogs: there was no “Chinese lab leak.” COVID has never been isolated and the PCR tests, per its creator, are a wildly inappropriate test for testing for so-called "COVID". 2020 flu incidents were recorded as zero. Hospitals were incentivized to label everything a COVID death. COVID is simply rebranded flu, which kills somewhere between 70,000-100,000 people in the U.S. alone each year.
God works in mysterious ways and my own spiritual development has been supercharged by this enormous scam and horror.

My husband's friend told him that the landlord of the house next to them was looking for a tenant, and we talked to him and rented the house.
After we moved into this house, we met each other, and our families became friends. They are a 3-membered family, they have an adorable 3-year-old daughter.
Although I am someone who easily socializes, I don't get too close to others easily. The woman who became my close friend was pregnant in 6 months. We get along quickly with her.
I was always a city girl; she was from a rural area and had experience and knowledge with farming, cooking, bread-making, handcrafting, pedagogy, etc. All these things seemed super cool to me because I was born into technology and more individualized lives. I was someone afraid to touch the soil because of the bugs and warm but the previous tenants built garden beds, so I started to get more familiar with this kind of stuff because I wanted to use it, but as I got into it more, I learned gardening is a whole new world. She taught me all these things, and this is how we got closer over time.
I love spending time with kids, especially me and their daughter are very close and love each other. I helped them to communicate with the health care professionals throughout the pregnancy because she and her husband don't speak English. I even participated in her extremely difficult and traumatic birth, which was about to end with either my friend's or the baby's death.
After the baby's birth, most things changed radically. She started to become more distant than ever before. She looks so tired and doesn't have time to take a bath or go to the toilet. I know it's super difficult to take care of 3 yo girl and a newborn son, especially after a traumatic birth. But this wasn't what I expected at all, as someone who doesn't have a child.
No one warned me or prepared me, and this isn't something that I have experienced before. No one is going to explain to you that things are going to change radically, and even though you know how tired the parents are, you should adapt to the new reality without questioning or asking; otherwise, it is selfish. You are on your own with this.
I can't share this with anyone because I know waiting for some time from someone who's going through all this is selfish. But it's valid and normal to experience these by your side. At least I am more prepared now not to get too attached to someone who's expecting a baby.
Note: We are 4 couples in our close friend group, and the other 3 couples are expecting babies due September. Our atmosphere is already all about pregnancy and babies. But I know this will be exhausting after they become parents, at least for about a year, and I also know my social life is gonna be ruined lol.
Summary: After moving next door to a family with a 3-year-old daughter, I quickly became close friends with the mother, who was six months pregnant. I bonded with her deeply. However, after the baby was born, she became distant and overwhelmed. I struggled to adapt to this new reality and feel isolated, especially with other friends also expecting babies soon.

The bright yellow terror

‘’Every now and then I would stare at the murky brown water below and see several small glimpses of bright yellow popping up from and then retreating down below the surface in rhythmic fashion. Like a dance routine. Bright deadly yellow. The rotting sweet stench of death still lodged in my nostrils.’’
I had happened upon these diary pages by mistake when I was digging through old boxes in my basement. My wife had insisted, finally, that I sort out and get rid of everything I didn’t need. Now here I was, confronted with a part of my past I had tried to suppress unsuccessfully for so many years. 24 years to be exact. 24 odd years of trying to understand what exactly happened in those days when I was trapped on a rooftop in Phuket during a deadly and disastrous natural catastrophe.
24 odd years of having to dodge around questions of my abject and unwavering fear of the ocean. Well, in truth, I guess being caught in a large tsunami and witnessing immense destructive forces of nature coming directly from the great wide ocean would be a fair excuse, but it was only half the truth. It wasn’t just the waves themselves that had terrified me.
Until now, I thought the water damaged remains of the diary I kept back then was lost. I even hoped it was. I never shared this story with anyone. Partly because the horror was too fresh in my memory back then and I wanted to focus on moving on with my life and by the time I felt my mind was stabilized I had no real interest in returning to that dark part of my past. Partly because the right words always escaped me.
Mostly because I was afraid people would think I was insane. I can no longer contain this, however. I need an outlet. I spend years running from it. But I guess I can’t lie to myself anymore. Someone once told me that writing can be therapeutic. Simply putting your thoughts down on paper, or in our times, more likely in word document, can help you compartmentalize trauma. So, I’m giving it a try. I can’t pretend the events of those days in Phuket didn’t cast a shadow over everything in my life that came after.
I often think of the beach days I missed with my son when he was a boy. Days where I should’ve done dad stuff. Thrown him into the ocean. Watched him laugh his little face of as he braved the waves. Helped him build sandcastles. Gone exploring along the sandy shores in search of beached treasure in the form little rocks and the odd piece of amber. I just couldn’t. Initially I had objected to the idea of him going at all. Naturally, my wife would hear none of that and I realized reluctantly, that my fear and trauma should not rule my son’s life. Instead, my wife would go, and I would always stay home. She understood, to some degree, what I had gone through and where my fear came from.
Only to some degree. My son did not, and I fear he resented my absence on those perfect sunny days, despite my efforts to make up for it with other activities. Both he and my wife certainly noticed how closed off I was about certain parts of my past. Secrets untold, especially those who are grounded in trauma, almost inevitably turns to toxic in our systems. I’m finally ready. I just hope it isn’t too late.
I won’t lie. I’ve always had a vivid imagination although I have never had trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is not. At least until my sense of reality was forever challenged. I know these things happened to me. I know what I saw and what I experienced was real. I just don’t have a truly rational explanation for it. Yet, I swear, there was something in the water that came with that tsunami. Something deeply, deeply unnatural. Something brightly and oddly yellow. I had no other word for it than the bright yellow terror.
I had travelled to Thailand, more precisely Bangkok late December 2000. 19 years old about to turn 20. I was on one of those infamous and increasingly popular self-discovery trips. I had caught the fever. Like so many other young hopeful adventurers at the time I had seen The Beach. I had read into the wild by Jon Krakauer.
I watched Dicaprio walk the sandy shores of paradise and read on in excitement and awe as Christopher McCandles set out to become one with nature and discover himself. Kill the false being within and all that. In simple terms, I thought I’d try and find my own slice of heaven on earth. Expand my horizon. Get to know some new people. Learn something about myself in the process perhaps. I wasn’t exactly fleeing from anything, that wasn’t it. I had a loving although cuddling and overprotective family. Especially my mom would worry about me constantly (and still does).
Yes, I admit it. My parents had paved the way for me at almost every step. Made sure I got into the right schools. Made sure I never needed for money. I guess I got tired of feeling dependent on them. I stopped taking their money and saved up for the trip myself. It was time I stepped up. It was time I threw myself into the world to see what would happen. Hell of a time and place I picked for that.
The following story is based on the surviving pages of the diary I kept during the time and my own memory.
Bangkok 23rd December 2000. 4 days before the tsunami.
‘’My first day in Bangkok. Quite overwhelming but in a nice way. No one here to save me. No one here to tell me what to do. Thailand is hot and humid and there’s something in the air. I think it’s adventure. I think it’s limitless opportunity. I met a monkey in a diaper and got thoroughly beaten and lost 100 bath in a game of connect four by some 10-year-old kid. Got scammed as well though, I will have to wise up and learn the ropes. Avoid the yellow taxis. Go for the Tuk Tuks. Well, lesson learned. I met a guy who told me all kinds of terrifying things about Australia. Robert. I’m meeting him in Phuket a couple of days from now.’’
You could probably imagine the excitement bubbling within me. For the first time on my own. 19 years old. Prime of my life. In a strangely new and exotic city. Possibilities seemed endless. I still remember vividly driving off with the wind in my hair in a tuk-tuk as Bangkok unfolded before me with all its oriental mysticism and surrounding cityscapes. To be fair, I had never even seen an honest to god palm tree before as they simply couldn’t grow in the northern climate I was from.
I got myself stationed in a decent guesthouse around Khaosan Road. Everywhere I looked it seems others had gotten the same idea as me. Backpackers littered the streets and in a strange way, I felt at home amidst this quiet chaos, amidst the crowds of hopefully likeminded explorers, far, far away from home. The humidity was hitting me though, it was something I would have to get used to. It felt like a wet hot invisible blanket. Khaosan Road was perfect for me. A meeting place for young backpackers, with tons of opportunities to plan further travels. I did after all, not plan on staying in Bangkok for too long. It was just a stepping point to other adventures.
It was still early, and the humidity was clammy as hell. I was in the mood to socialize and with no real plans I simply ventured out into the streets of Bangkok, circling around the area where my guesthouse was located. It wasn’t long before the first opportunity presented itself in the form of a taxi driver calling me over. He offered to take me on a tour of the city. Foolish and naïve as I was, I indulged him. I remember how the cab driver lit up a doobie, joint, spliff, devil’s lettuce whatever you want to call it.
You know it as soon as you breathe in the air. Don’t get me wrong, I smoked myself, but letting a clearly high person drive me around the busy Bangkok traffic did not seem like a good idea. I should probably have asked to be let out that very moment, but as the kind of timid, shy type of person I was plus the desire to just go along with whatever happened come what may made me stay. Unsurprisingly I was eventually led to a store, fitted for a suit a didn’t want, and then subsequently charged an obscene amount for the cab ride. I didn’t have the courage to refuse his unreasonable demand. Noteworthy mention. That same night I heard from a fellow traveler that just recently someone had been stabbed in an argument with a cab driver. I didn’t let it get me down or drive me off course, because as you’ve probably gathered by now, I didn’t have a course.
As day turned to night and when the sun’s rays slowly disappeared behind the rooftops of Bangkok, the city itself began to transform. As if a part of it which had laid dormant, hidden away from the light, started to emerge.
Neon lights advertising different bars, people making all kinds of promises of untold pleasures and sensations. Tourists ready to party. All now filled the streets. Some seemed all too aware of what they were looking for, others simply drifted around aimlessly, in search of something unknown, something to spice up their existence. I found a small seemingly cool place called The Hangover. I swear to god, I wish to this day I hadn’t. Maybe then I wouldn’t have set my course for Phuket. In any case, I went in and pushed myself through the crowds of rowdy and loud tourists and up the bar where I ordered a Pina Colada. Please don’t judge me. I just really like coconuts and the song is pretty good as well. Standing at the crowded bar and looking around, hoping something interesting would catch my eye. But most of all, I was hoping someone would just take the first step and come talk to me.
Someone did. His name was Robert, and he was from Australia. A tall skinny and no-nonsense older guy who seemed quite experienced with all things Thailand. He eventually invited me down to his group of friends at the far back end of the bar. Robert spared no time telling me about himself. He had worked all kinds of jobs, in all kinds of places. Most recently he had worked as a guide in Phuket. Among other things he had arranged rock climbing expeditions. I probably forgot to mention, I was big into rock climbing and generally all kinds of outdoor activities back then.
I already had quite the climbing experience despite my young age. As Robert talked about all the places he’d been, he made me feel like the novice I was. That was never his intention though, as I quickly learned. He wasn’t a bragger. He just knew what he was talking about and when he laughed, he did it with his entire face and in a way that made you laugh with him and feel comfortable.
Eventually the conversation naturally gravitated towards Australia. A place I had always wanted to visit. He looked at me for a second, as if to contemplate something. Then told me to watch out for locals trying to play pranks on me. I was naturally interested in hearing more and that’s when he told me about drop bears. Supposedly drop bears are carnivorous versions of Koalas residing in trees to then drop down on unsuspecting victims and viciously attack them. We laughed quite a lot, and I admitted I would probably have believed the stories as I was a fairly naive person and the idea of hostile subspecies of koalas didn’t seem that farfetched to me. It would be typical of past me to get punked around like that. Our conversation then shifted towards Australian wildlife and fauna and the horrors residing within its diverse and complicated eco system. He told me about a plant not uncommonly referred to as the suicide plant. Dendrocnide moroides or more commonly known as stinging tree, stinging bush or gympie gympie apparently has such a nasty and painful sting it made a man commit suicide simply to escape the pain. Another dangerous inhabitant was the box jellyfish he explained.
Their sting was about as deadly as it gets. A single sting to a human will cause necrosis of the skin, excruciating pain and, if the dose of venom is large enough, cardiac arrest and death within minutes. I have always found jellyfish equal parts fascinating and equal parts frightening. Beautiful but deadly creatures. In fact, the ocean, in all its grand wide-reaching glory had always horrified me to some extent. So much unexplored space. Who truly knows what could be lurking down there? Robert quickly assured me, that as long as you take your precaution the likelihood of getting stung by a box jellyfish was rather small. They had signs up warning people against them. Generally, do not ignore these signs. They are there for a good reason.
It was getting late and before we said our goodbyes Robert suggested I meet him in Phuket, more precisely in the Khao Lak area on the 28^th as that was the first day he would be able to. I thought why not? He seemed genuinely nice and knowledgeable. Just good company all around and he promised to show me the greatest climbing spots a bit away from the crowded tours. It was a start.
I would never meet Robert again. I don’t know what happened to him. Thinking back on those days leading up to the point the waves came crashing down always gives me an uneasy, sad, and melancholic feeling. The people I met in Bangkok talking about going south. Those I met in Phuket before it happened. I have no idea if they ended up as corpses floating through the murky brown waters or god forbid, victims of that unholy terror from the deep. I hope Robert wasn’t among those unfortunate souls who died or went… ‘’Missing’’. Although if I must pick one or the other. I would hope he died quickly.
Bangkok 24^th of December 2000. 3 days before the tsunami.
I woke up with a slight hangover. Christmas is commonly celebrated on this date in my country, so I was expecting some calls to go through on my brick sized Nokia at some point once all the good folks back home woke up. They were about 5 hours behind me and at 9 AM Bangkok time they would still be sleeping. I used the time to do some shopping before my trip to Phuket. I got plenty of rope, a couple of snap hooks and a harness. I knew they’d have all of this on the guided tours, but I liked to find my own spots to climb, and I had good sense and knowledge enough to not attempt anything too daring. By the way. For those uninitiated, snap hooks are used to make a quick, reversible connection on a system of ropes, or to connect a rope or cord to another component, like a lanyard medallion or barrier post. Essential if you want to go climbing. If you’ve ever gone ziplining it’s the thing that connects you safely to the zipline and lets you slight across.
After having done my shopping, I bought a bus ticket to Phuket intending on leaving that same night and went back to my hotel room. As exciting as Bangkok was, I felt it was more for people intend on partying and in all honesty, a bit too crowded for me. I was excited to move on and I could always come back if I wanted to. On my way into the reception area, I was stopped by a young hip looking dude looking for a cigarette. Now I don’t necessarily consider myself a perfect judge of character, but he had an easy-going way about him that immediately drew me in. Sometimes, you can just tell.
He had sort of a rugged look about him. Dirty blond half-long hair. His face I would best describe as boyish but something in his eyes betrayed him and revealed his age to be older than you would assume. His style was… Boheme I guess I would describe it as. Like something taken out of the 70s LA scene. I’m not a smoker. Never was. So, I couldn’t help him on that front. It didn’t matter he would find someone else he said. For a while we just casually talked. Apparently, he had come to Bangkok just a few days prior and seemed about as lost and without direction as I had been before deciding on taking my chances in Phuket. Alex was his name, and he would later save my life and help me understand what it means to forge a quick and unbreakable connection through shared trauma, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and get a beer. I thought why not? He was about my age and on his own as well. I told him I had to go make some calls and I’d be out in about an hour. Back the hotel room I quickly gathered all my stuff and packed it up, so it was ready to go. My climbing gear took up the most space. I figured if things went well with Alex, I might be able to persuade him in joining me at some point in Phuket. Even though I had set out for this trip to be about discovering myself and being on my own, I longed for some kind of company. Don’t we all? I called my parents up and we wished each other a happy Christmas. It was odd to think they were somewhere nearly half-way across the world celebrating Christmas while snow draped the landscapes there. Here I was, In hot and humid paradise. No, I did not miss the cold or the snow, but I did miss not being there to celebrate the holidays with my family. But it had been my choice to go during the holiday season and I did not regret it. I had saved up enough money and there was no point in waiting anymore. There would be many other holidays to celebrate in the future.
My 5-year-old nephew somehow got a hold of the phone. Not quite the conversationalist yet, it still felt good to hear his voice. Hearing his excitement over the prospect of celebrating Christmas brought me back to my own childhood. Decorating the Christmas tree, watching holiday cartoons and of course, opening presents. I finished my calls and went out to see if Alex was ready. He was already waiting for me and had apparently managed to score some cigarettes in the meantime. He had changed his outfit as well. Now wearing a faded black doors t-shirt. We talked a bit about Jim Morrison and the doors as we headed off down streets. We passed a myriad of small stands selling everything from electronics to colorful t-shirts and small bracelets with campy misspelled English catchphrases. We dodged the many intrusive offers and eventually found a small comfy looking bar with seats outside shaded by palm trees. We ordered a couple of beers and the conversation started flowing along quite nicely. Alex was 25 and from London It turned out. We also had a common interest in music. For a while he had busked as a street musician while working odd jobs here and there and had eventually decided to travel the world.
His first stop had been India where for a while he had lived on the rooftop of some abandoned building while attempting to learn the art of playing the sitar. I thought about that for a second. Living it rough on some rooftop in India. I don’t know why that idea intrigued me so much. Seemed like freedom to me, I guess. Sleeping under the wide-open skies. Looking down on the streets and watching people go about their lives. I guess I just liked the idea of doing something that seemed different from what I had ever done before. Living on a rooftop, if even just for a while, was definitely not something I had done before. There was the view as well, Alex reminded me. And it was free of course. We drifted off into long conversations about music I won’t bore you too much with, only to let you know we shared a passion for old school music like the doors and Jimi Hendrix as well as 90s shoegaze music like My Bloody Valentine, Ride and Slowdive. I had Slowdive’s Shine playing in my mind that day. All felt so dreamy at the time.
I eventually told Alex of my plans to go to Phuket and he was onboard almost immediately. I loved how easy it was here on the road. There was no ‘’well maybe’’, or ‘’let’s think about it.’’ In fact, Alex had been to Phuket before and knew of a place we could stay for free. Another rooftop of course, but he had already sold me on the idea. From there, we could plan our next step he said. ‘’our next step’’ I don’t remember vibing with someone that quickly before or since, but then I guess making friends is always easier when you’re young and easy going. I always seemed to attract good company without much effort back then. I chalk it down to my friendly and slightly shy demeanor. Seems it only becomes harder to make friends as the years pass though. At least for me it did.
We got a bus ticket for Alex and shopped a bit more. I got some first aid supplies. Bandages, plasters, that kind of stuff. Rock climbing is safe, mind you, but you can end up scraping yourself and I felt in general, being prepared for whatever might be a good idea if I was to live it rough on some rooftop. The bus-ride to Phuket took about 12 hours give or take. By going at night, we could sleep most of the way and be in Phuket early morning on the 25^th. The trip down was uneventful. We would take turns listening to music on Alex’s Walkman or talk about things we saw along the way. Like roadside bars and restaurants who were little more than a tin roof covering a few plastic chairs and brightly colored menu cards. Everything seemed simpler here, in the best ways possible.
No big flash, no fanfares or luxury. Nothing pretentious. Just a calm, laid back atmosphere and friendly smiles from the locals as we passed by. Alex told me he wanted to start a band blending elements of Shoegaze with classic rock and insisted I learn to play the drums as he had tried but found no luck. String instruments were more him he told me. I told him jokingly if he could come up with a good name, I might be down. He just nodded and looked out the window and started talking about how beef was a rare and more expensive ingredient in Thai cuisine, and I wondered about the sudden random change of subject. Although we had talked a lot during the short time we had known each other, Alex was still a mystery to me in many ways. Judging from all the things he told me he seemed like a person who dreamed big, but never really followed through
An unfinished education. Scribbles on pieces of paper that ended up gathering dust in his drawer instead of turning into a book. A band that never really took off because he lost interest or didn’t deem that it was good enough to get successful. He talked at length about leaving a legacy. It seemed to be something that concerned him. I guess he wanted to put his mark on the world. To be remembered. To live on in some small way. I had never really thought about it myself although I did have a fascination with historical people and the lives they lived. In fact, when I do read I mostly read biographies. I just never had any ambition like that myself. I don’t need the world to know my name, or sing my praises, or remember me. Good friends, family and a sense of freedom and adventure was enough. I had tried to ask Alex about his family and friends back home, but he seemed avoidant and always found a way to change the subject without really providing any meaningful information. At certain points, I sensed a carefully hidden sadness behind his otherwise optimistically youthful and bright blue gaze.
Phuket 25^th of December 2000. 2 days before the tsunami.
Alex woke me up. It was 9 AM and we had arrived at the Phuket bus terminal 1 near Phang Nga Road. We were here. Alex explained to me that the there were several derelict and abandoned buildings perfect for establishing a free of charge rooftop domicile in an area not too far from the resorts of Khao Lak. Phuket back then wasn’t exactly the overcrowded tourist spot it is today, but it was well on the way. I understood why. The scenery was beautiful. Long sandy beaches with small island dots in the horizon, begging to be explored. Giant limestone cliffs covered in green shrubs. It did seem like paradise to me, without being too far away from civilization. I guess despite my adventurous nature, I wasn’t quite ready at that point, to walk into the wild, which is why Khao Lak seemed perfect as a start for me.
We found the area Alex had talked about. Several derelict buildings were concentrated in a small area divided by a main street that if followed long enough, led to an area with shops and places to dine. We set our eyes on what looked like an abandoned apartment complex. It was derelict, rugged looking and it seemed clear at first that no one lived there. Its ghostly façade begged us inside to explore and we accepted the invitation. As we made our way in, through a busted window in the back, we quickly became aware that the place might not be as abandoned as we had initially thought. Several signs of squatters such as cooking utensils and sleeping mats lay scattered here and there. Alex quickly rationalized that it could just be other backpackers, or it could be the people had moved on. I shrugged and we decided to make our way to the roof. We made our way to the top floor and accessed a broken-down door that led directly out onto the roof. I must admit, besides excitement, I was somewhat hesitant. Any doubt I had disappeared when we first stepped onto the rooftop terrace. It was perfect. It seemed it had functioned as a balcony or space of sorts the inhabitants could make use of for gatherings.
The entire space was surrounded by a fence. Several palm trees shaded the northwest corner which was perfect for when things got too hot. In the middle a small shed or janitorial sort of building stood. We found some cleaning materials, brooms, some parasols in there as well as an old rusty grill. The view was great. We could see the large beachfront in the far distance surrounded by limestones. After inspecting the area and finding it to our liking we sat down, and Alex broke out a bottle of whiskey. Unaware of the horror that would later unfold here, we celebrated in the shade of the palm trees. We had found our place for a while. Our place.
After a while we decided to put some money in the local economy and shop for supplies.
Essentials: Water. Cigarettes. Booze. The devil’s lettuce. Cooking utensils. Although none of us was admittedly any much of a cook. But what the hell. Can’t be seen dining out every night when we were trying to live off the fat of the land so to speak. I know, ridiculous. We were squatters. Nothing more. But heck, we would move on if we became a problem for any one here. We weren’t trying to be a bother.
Optional but greatly wanted: A blow-up animal mascot. Maybe a dolphin if possible. Some new music for Alex’s walk-man. A guitar. Decorating artifacts of any kind to make our domicile more personal.
We more or less got everything we needed and started setting up base. Getting our hands on something funny to smoke proved the biggest challenge but Alex finally succeeded at a beachfront bar. Some friendly Norwegian dude who had connections apparently. He warned us against being too open about doing drugs, even if was ‘’just’’ marijuana. Thailand had a strict approach to drugs. We thanked him and he told us to just come back here at the bar if we needed more, he was usually around.
Afternoon was rolling around and there we were. Sitting atop Phuket. On our very own rooftop presidential suite. We decorated the place with a few things we found. Among them ‘’Arthur’’ our blow-up shark (they had no dolphins). Alex had come up with the name, I asked him why ‘’Arthur’’ but in what I had quickly come to know as typical Alex fashion he just shrugged it off. We just smoked a bit and drank some booze as the evening progressed and I told Alex about Robert and Australia and all the nasty things that could kill you there. I’m not sure why, but it had made an impression on me. Insects, rare poisonous creatures, stuff like that was nightmare fuel for me. Don’t even get me started on spiders. Alex was a bit more laid back on that front. He seemed most amused and interested in the suicide plant and wondered if some poor soul had ever mistakenly used it as toilet paper and we had a good hard chuckle over that idea. Poor soul indeed.
As night rolled on stars started popping up on a clear night the sky and I learned that Alex had a fascination with the universe. Particularly the idea of multiverses and infinite universes. What if somewhere out there we were looking back at ourselves. Slightly different but still us. Sometimes it seemed to me he longed to be anywhere else but where he was. Maybe trapped in the past he was so reluctant to share with me. Then we started talking about time. I don’t exactly remember why. I think he brought it up.
Anyway, Alex had a lot to say about time. Like how he believed our perception of time is tied to our experiences. For example, someone who spends their life not stepping up, not really taking risks or chances, just following along the stream, just following the routine, in essence, just killing time, might experience time as having moved fast when they look back, because there are simply less variety, less volume, less memories to look back on. We don’t remember routines, we remember breaking them, we remember doing new things, meeting new people, being in new places. It creates the illusion that gives time volume, that makes it seem fuller, longer. I liked that idea a lot. It made sense to me. Make sure you live life to the fullest and waste as little time as possible.
I told him about my 10^th grade math teacher and how he said something about time I will never forget. Our perception of time can be measured mathematically. For example, to a 4-year-old turning 5 the transition of a year will seem much longer than it will to a 24-year-old turning 25. Because 1 in 5 is a larger fraction than 1 in 25. It blew my mind. The longer you live, the faster time seem to pass. But I agreed with him, maybe the quality and variety of the life you live and the memories you make has an affect too. Alex made a ‘’boom’’ motion with his hands around his head and laughed. We were quite stoned at that point and well, some of you might know how being stoned sometimes throws you into these philosophical conversations. It was nice. I enjoyed the ease with which I could talk to Alex about all kinds of things.
At one point I asked him a hypothetical. If he could go back in time and change just one thing, what would he do. He fell silent. I once again sensed the sadness creeping behind his eyes. It was if he was about to answer, like he was sizing me up but then shot the idea down. Time travel is impossible, so why bother was his only response and I accepted that whatever troubled him in the past, was not for me to know even if my interest only grew stronger and stronger.
I told him about my family. My overprotective mother. My father and his desperate attempts to get me interested in cars. About my older sister and my nephew. Alex nodded and asked the usual polite questions. When the subject came to my little brother his interest seemed to spark significantly. How old was he? Was I good older brother? Did I look out for him? I didn’t think much about it at the time other than finding it curious how interested he seemed to be. When we finally settled in the for night, under the starry sky, I slipped into a nightmare. It was the same I had had years earlier when I was 16. Back then I was having a hard time adjusting to the new school I had started at and maybe because of that stress I was having nightmares coupled with sleep paralysis.
I would lie in my bed, paralyzed. On my side, facing the door to my room. I often had the light on outside of the room and it would shine in through the open door. This one time , I saw dark figure approaching. Optimistically I assumed it was my mom, coming to wake me up. Although as the dark figure approached, I quickly realized this wasn’t so. No words were uttered. The eerie figure just slowly came closer, until it was right by my bed side. It sat down and I realized it was an old woman or man. It was hard to tell, because its face was literally just a mish mash of wrinkled flesh. No eyes and no mouth either. But it mumbled through its mouthless face. Speaking in tongues.
I spent some considerable time afterwards wondering what it could have been trying to communicate to me. I know of course, this was all just my mind playing tricks on me. Yet, that experience was, I suppose, my first nudge towards believing there’s more between heaven and earth than we might know. It seemed aggressive in any case. My insides were screaming as I desperately tried to wiggle myself awake as I had sometimes successfully done during paralysis. I eventually woke up. Drenched in sweat. Back then though, I had actually been in my room, and in the dream the room had stood clearly for me as it actually looked in reality which only made it seem more real. This time, I woke up next to Alex, still drenched in sweat. Alex had woken up. I had screamed in my sleep apparently. He comforted me in an almost brotherly show of affection. It took me by surprise a bit. I appreciated it, though it only made me wonder about him even more. I would have to solve the mystery behind Alex I decided. I would have to truly gain his trust. Figure him out. And I did.
Phuket 26^th of December 2000. 1 day before the tsunami.
‘’Alex played the guitar a bit and I drummed up some beats. It needed some work, but not half bad. We came up with a name for our band to be as well. Subway sleepers. Based on Alex’s time sleeping in the subway of London. It was another hot perfect day on the rooftop. We talked about going climbing the next day and I can’t wait to show Alex the joys of rock climbing. Everything is peaceful here. No stress. Just living life. Smoking it up. Meeting new people. We talked some more with that Norwegian weed dude and invited him and a couple of his friends up to ‘’our’’ place for a party. Another near perfect day.’’
Looking at these diary scribbles is making me feel it all over again. The serenity of those calm worriless summer days (well it was winter back home but it felt like summer here. Strange that) leading up to disaster. Always calmest before the storm they say. This was our last day before everything changed. Before I got a lesson in humanity. In stress under crisis. Before everything I thought I knew changed forever in the meeting with something that surely shouldn’t exist in this world.

The past few weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. We lost my 15 year old daughter after some health complications caused by a suicide attempt. It still doesn't feel real to me, so I know it doesn't for my other two, but especially my youngest, who is 10. She idolized her big sister. I feel like this is going to break her.
Brief history, we lost my husband, their father, in 2017. After some struggles, we found a routine that worked, were okay financially, and things were good the last few years....so I thought.
My 15 year old wad a freshman, and she suffered some bullying and her first heartbreak in silence, until she snapped. I feel so guilty, part of me wonders if she didn't want to make me sad. I just don't know.
My kids are all that are holding me here. Right now we are in a fog, trying to raise funds for her funeral and make arrangements. They understand the money aspect, but my youngest has woke up screaming with nightmares every day worried about where her sister is right now.
We've lost so many people in their short lives. My husband, aunts, uncles, grandparents, my dad (who was a second father to them after my husband passed), so they've been in therapy, but this is just so much worse. They don't want to eat, talk, or do anything, which I get, because I don't either.
I feel so lost and hopelessly alone, so I'm turning to Reddit to vent and hopefully gain advice on navigating the next few weeks. When my husband died, we had people around. We don't now, and I think because of the traumatic circumstances of her death, those friends we do have are keeping their distance also.
How in the hell am I going to get my kids through this???

I started my journey with Origin last December, after growing frustrated with the amount of time I was wasting trying to customize Monarch Money, Simpifi and other fintech apps to fit my needs. The simplicity approach Origin takes just works and makes me feel less stressed and more confident about my finances than before. Below, I tried to squeeze in everything I could think of for now. They added the credit card bill tracking quickly, so that's one off the list!
Top things Origin does phenomenally:

1. Present the information in a clear, consistent layout. The cards are well thought out (e.g. Recurring transactions, Credit Card bills, For you info). It's honestly kind of a calming experience compared to some competitors because it's not bloated with too much information.
2. Account connections (From Robinhood, to my 10 bank accounts, Schwab HSA, retirement account (with 401k AND Pension) they have some of the best connectivity. While the TSP connection isn't quite fully working just yet, their customer support has been stellar at keeping me updated. Shoutout to Alex, Robin for their help!
3. Making sense of it. 2 things of note here....
   1. On the home screen, there is a card that shows you the next day you will be paid. THIS IS AWESOME! Just right there, without having to check the last time I was paid and then calc 2 weeks.
   2. The way you go about adding your vehicle as an asset (although depreciating), BUT also adding a Loan during the process to keep your assets/liabilities straight is something many competitors fail to realize is essential for keeping your net-worth accurate.
4. Fully featured: Centralized view of cash accounts, investments, spending, budgeting, credit card bills and more. It sounds like it shouldn't be hard, but the layout, functionality, and consistency just work. I haven't re-entered my credentials for accounts in a long time, they sync daily, and I've yet to notice any bugs in the mobile app or web-app.

High Priority:

1. Goal Tracking: Integrate goal tracking or "goal investment accounts" similar to WithPlenty
2. Sankey report: Look to Monarch money for inspiration.
   • A Sankey view of your cash-flow (in the web-app) would be amazing. This truly is the best visual representation as to where your cash is going from income downstream.
     • If we can visualize our spending towards necessities, wants, and investments (maybe with tags?) this would be huge.
3. Credit Card bill tracking

Medium Priority:

1. Spending Transaction Customization
   • Edit transaction names (e.g., rename "Apple" subscriptions)
   • Ability to mark transactions as recurring in the recurring transactions list
     • While the algorithm or ML currently being used is quite good, it'd be nice to be able to go through your own list of all your recurring bills and align them. I seem to have a few such as some Apple subscriptions, and once-a-year charges that aren't marked currently.
2. UI/UX:
   • Consider offering emoji support for spending categories.
     • For example, there is no drink icon. So if I make a separate category for drinks (e.g. coffee specifically or alcohol, I'm probably going to use the food icon. This could be better differentiated with built-in emoji support.
   • Explore additional color options for budget categories.
     • Most users are probably adding at least a few additional custom categories, and with the limited amount of colors available, the Breakdown looses some of the clarity.
3. Security: Consider offering passkey, token-based MFA, and a "remember this device" option.
4. Notifications:
   • Having the ability to setup SOME useful notifications (we all are already inundated with notifications) may be beneficial.
     • For example, for purchases above $500, or for a specific account with a balance lower than X.

Low Priority:

1. Origin Invest account asset allocation: no percentages show at a top-level on the 'Asset allocation' card when you go into your Origin Invest account details. Not sure if this is a bug or not, but it'd make sense to just show a top-level percent between US Stocks, Intl Stocks, etc.
2. Dark Mode: Implement a dark mode option. Check Chime bank's dark mode or Dark Reader extension for inspiration.
3. Tax Filing Enhancements: Improve the user experience with Column Tax
   1. Allow users to reset their progress in the tax functionality with Column Tax.
      • Context: I didn't complete my taxes with Column tax this year, because I had free filing through TurboTax since I'm currently deployed in the army. I wanted to check out the functionality though, and then had 'resume taxes' show up in the app.
   2. Use OCR to import documents and pre-fill forms like TurboTax
      • Would be a huge time-saver throughout the process. That said, the fact that it's included with Origin is a huge PLUS in the first place.

Areas of improvement for clarity:

1. Setting up Origin investments:
   • When I first setup my Origin investment account my first deposit failed. I didn't know why it failed, couldn't see any additional info, and couldn't change the bank info. The next deposit was successful, but it gave me a slight pause using Origin investing considering I had no insight.
2. Excess cash on hand:
   1. I love this metric. My only issue with it was until I had excess cash on hand, I had no idea how it was defined. Once you have excess cash on hand, you can select 'adjust investing strategy,' which then shows you an option of 'How do we calculate?.' Once I found this, I had a better understanding.
      • One improvement to this would be tying this into Goal tracking as stated in the feedback above... e.g. I have some goals that are near-term (e.g. 0-6 mo vs some that are greater than 5 years).

TLDR: For $13/mo or ~$156/year, Origin provides account tracking, spending and budgeting, Net-worth tracking, Investing without AUMs, and a few other niceties such as Tax prep and Estate planning. They do a stellar job with the layout of their app using cards. Information is clear, nothing is missing, and it is concise. New features are being added quickly, and customer support has been solid. Above I've made a few recommendations for improvements, some of which they've already executed on!

Yes, James’s new face is more emotional and expressive... But isn’t these cold dialogues with long pauses in the middle of hell, the lack of bright emotions on the characters’ faces even in the most exciting moments, isn’t this exactly part of the very feeling that all this is just happening in a dream? And I consider this feeling an important part of the atmosphere of Silent Hill, on a level with the fog. What do you think of it?

I’m thankful in retrospect for the whole COVID scam. It provided insight into human nature and the structure of the modern world that would have been unbelievable without seeing it play out in front of me. It played out like a really bad horror story written by an idiot; if I had read the plot of it I would have thought it too stupid to be published.
Who would have believed that the whole world (with tiny resistance by Sweden) would act in coordination pushing the same exact policies, procedures, shutdowns and forced vaccinations (revealing that nations are mere inferior subsidiaries of global control)? Who would have believed that the vast majority of people would go along with face diapers, shutdowns, and $11 trillion in monetary printing, not to mention injecting themselves with totally untested and ultra-dangerous mRNA “vaccines” because the media screamed at them loud enough to? And that people would basically universally prefer to forget about the experience than to learn any lessons from it? Who would forget China going along with the whole scam by promoting fake videos of people dropping dead in the streets?
To be clear, because I keep seeing it in the news and in “right wing” blogs: there was no “Chinese lab leak.” COVID has never been isolated and the PCR tests, per its creator, are a wildly inappropriate test for testing for so-called "COVID". 2020 flu incidents were recorded as zero. Hospitals were incentivized to label everything a COVID death. COVID is simply rebranded flu, which kills somewhere between 70,000-100,000 people in the U.S. alone each year.
God works in mysterious ways and my own spiritual development has been supercharged by this enormous scam and horror.

I got COVID for the first time in October 2023 and it hit me like a truck. Didn’t take paxlovid. Took 2 weeks to recover from the typical symptoms that everyone gets, but now it’s late May 2024, and I feel extraordinarily exhaustion. It hits me in waves. I feel great in the AM, but by midafternoon I need a heavy siesta. (I’m 50, 170lbs, 5’7 male.)
A couple of months ago I went back to a trainer. It was my first time back in the gym (even since before I got COVID… I was totally out of shape, gained the “COVID 19 lbs”, but I was losing the weight and needed to get active again.) My trainer did super easy exercises with me to start, knowing I was absolutely out of shape and just wanted to see my form. I was doing great the first 15-20 mins doing very light stuff with tension bands and kettlebells, but moved on to dumbbell presses with light weights, and inexplicably, in the middle of the first set, my arms 100% gave out and collapsed. I couldn’t push through and fainted. Again it felt like I got hit by a truck.
Right after that, I immediately went to my GP and he did an EKG. No problems. I’m going to see my pulmonologist (who manages my CPAP) next week. Again, inexplicably I started having dry mouth problems with my CPAP after my COVID infection. I have brain fog, dizzy when I get up from lying down. It takes me a long time to do things. Supposed to see a cardiologist as my family has history of strokes.
I’m in denial that I might have long COVID because I don’t want work to think I’m milking it or making excuses since I have to take long breaks during the day. Also, coworkers have gotten it in the past and said it took a month or so to get it back together. I seem to be an outlier. It makes me super depressed 😔
Would love to hear any shared stories so I don’t feel so bad or alone.

This is just a theory that I created to explain it. I'm not an astrophysicist or anyone of authority, so take this with a grain of salt. Feel free to help me expound on this theory and provide ways to update or improve it. Here it goes: What if highly advanced ancient species from around the time the universe formed learned a long time ago a lesson about living for eons in this existence or realm, which could be that it isn’t the best way to exist because of the life and death process or the constant creation and destruction processes. They also knew how the universe would end, realized they couldn't control the universe in this realm, and decided to find a way out. They found a way to live in another realm, another dimension with different laws of physics where such processes are controlled. Perhaps it’s a one-way train because you can’t return to our realm once you cross over. Therefore, the life we will encounter in our realm is plant life, microbes, animals, and civilizations similar to ours with similar technological characteristics. Maybe some that are a few hundred or thousand years more advanced than us or less than us, but the intelligent species are so rare and very, very far apart it’s almost impossible to make contact. The current highly advanced civilizations (millions of years) are probably very few. Maybe somewhere around 3 or 4 in the entire universe, and they know of our existence; however, they’re choosing to use their time and resources wisely to cross over to the other realm because they’ve detected evidence of it and are putting all their efforts into that. The ancient civilizations that went before them that crossed over to the other realm perhaps left marks or scars from that event in the fabric of space and time. Contacting us and bringing us with them to the other realm would probably be more costly. It would take so much energy to cross the universe to make contact with us and bring us with them a decision that isn’t practical. They could also take thousands of other species, but it's impractical. They probably have accepted that not all species and civilizations will be able to make it to the other side and are, therefore, the pioneers for all life in our realm of existence, the first to venture into new territory. Also, crossing to the other realm probably requires an ungodly amount of energy, which is unthinkable for us. They are focusing that energy to cross over and survive in the other realm.

So my girlfriend (18 F) that i’ve had for about a year and few months now has finally accepted to hear me and let me guide her to God. right now i understand i cannot force her as you can guide the horse to the water but can’t let the horse drink it. I want advice from any christians that can tell me what to do.
Right now i’ve spoke to her how the devil is working through her and her friends by attacking. i’ve explained to her about it and she says she understands however i know that actions speak louder than words. Recently she ditched me from hanging out with me to hang out with her friends and sleepover. i said fine. mind you we made a rule that we don’t hangout with other friends (only once a week) so i let her. next day she sleeps over at another friends house and i get upset. And she got drunk which she generally isn’t allowed to do by her parents. this made me extremely upset.
I feel extremely disrespected as i gave her multiple chances and she still disobeys me. Mind you i also told her to delete social media as she has in front of my eyes but then she downloaded it back. she doesn’t respect my wishes for her as i try to help guide her away from the devils attacks. I know i can’t force but it’s sickening to me.
Does anyone have advice what i should do with her? i’m at the point where i feel like setting her free and she does what she wants and God can hopefully cleanse her because this isn’t healthy for my mental well being right now. And i want to know if this a sign and what Gods purpose is to do with this. i’m stuck and i need help.

Random rant because life atrocious.
Conversation regardless of context, even if it's just school and work stuff, it's like my soul is leaving my body. It's as if I'm constantly scared of offending them, and getting on their bad side, and I'm tired of feeling like I want to throw up and blood pressure getting high enough to give me headaches. This is different from the anxiety I get from same-gender. I feel like it shaves off ten years off my lifespan everytime (assuming my life expectancy is in the thousands).

i’m 26 yr old female diagnosed with AML. i finished my chemo treatment last week. today i started feeling like the left side of my body was super weak in comparison to the right. jumpy as hell to sounds and just overall feeling weak. has anyone experienced this? i did 3 days of daunarubicin and 7 days of cyterabine, as well as 2 days of mylotarg.

Im feeling guilty from witnessing an accident. Today I went home from the gym in my car, took the usual road home which is a back road which is quite narrow and has a lot of tight turns. During one of the more tight turns a group of bikers came and the first biker lost control and drove off the road. It happened after I had passed him and he had as much space as a car would have to make the turn, I was also driving under the speed limit and keeping my car as much as I could to the side of the road because of that turn. What i think happend was that he wasn’t comfortable with that road and got surprised by that turn or he ran over a gravel patch on the road side and lost control. Spoke to the police who came after the accident and they said that he seems to be fine, they didn’t ask me more questions and called me a witness. Either way I’m feeling some guilt and don’t know if I could have done something different on my part.

I M17 developed a fear about becoming schizophrenic and bipolar a month ago in a psychology class which led to my diagnosis of GAD but now I'm Leaning more to the fear of bipolar. I've become unable to sleep right for a weeks it started with 3 days in a row of waking up at 2-3 am in the morning to now waking up at 12 or 1 am I've usually gone to bed at 10pm im scared and don't what to do all I want is sleep I'm falling in and out of sleep in the day I'm starting to dislike life and that scares me . It feels like I'm losing touch with reality the fear is crippling me I almost got rid of the fear until the sleep loss and they already evaluated me for other physical things I'm afraid. I can't stop crying and I'm eating less I just want to be better again I'm on hydrazine and some type of ssri I think I just want sleep and peace of mind. I'm not seeing a doctor until Monday and I won't see a psychiatrist for another month please help I'm trying everything.

So obviously I'd like to start as soon as possible but in my country it would take at least a year in Theraphy to get a recommandation (also need to find a theraphist in the first place) The main problem is by the time I'd start I'd be in my graduation years, I'm just kinda worried that the side effects of t could end up affecting my grades and so on because I feel shitty or sick.
Also there's the fact that my Parents really don't want me to do anything of the sort so I'd need to beg pretty hard. What I'm asking is should I just try to send it and get it as soon as possible to linder my dysphoria and deal with the side effects?? Are they even THAT bad??? For context I'm 16 now and I'd gradute at like 19

I got my right upper wisdom tooth removed May 9 so that's 10 days ago. There's no pain, no bleeding, everything is pretty much healed but now I feel like a ball where the extraction was. I don't know if it's just swollen and will go down or that's just how it feels when you get the ones on top removed. It doesn't hurt but it feels uncomfortable and it really bothers me.

I have a weird issue with my P6, I'm unable to use my mic in any of the apps, for ex during a WhatsApp video call, zoom meeting, and even if I put my normal phone call to speaker mode my mic won't listen anything, even when I can see the green dot on top right showing my mic is active. I have already formatted my phone twice but still the issue is not resolved. Anyone else facing the same?

I've been living alone since December 2022. I absolutely hated my studio since it was so small, and found it hard to be comfortable there. I recently moved into a larger 1 bedroom and am still losing my mind over how much space there is! I've always felt cramped and sad in my studio. :( I tried to make it work but it just isn't for me. The new place is a little more expensive but I think its 100% worth it. The major win for me is that I feel a lot more comfortable cooking in my new apartment since theres actually enough space to do so!!!!! Its only been a couple days since I moved in so I've been feeling a bit of every emotion. A bit of anxiety over wondering if i made the right choice, but i'm mostly excited and happy about the space. Was anyone else anxious at first when you moved to a new place on your own again?