What I think happened was. 1967. November 29th. A baby is born on Rokkenjima and taken in by Kinzo Ushiromiya, still deep in his mourning of the Golden Witch Beatrice. As this baby grows up, Kinzo shapes their identity under his upbringing and they grow up with a very stunted sense of self. EIther as some sort of disguise or to give themselves more fulfillment, they assume the identity of a young maid named Shannon and a younger servant named Kanon. This helps them navigate their life on Rokkenjima fine until the larger Ushiromiya family enters the picture, specifically Battler, Jessica and George, whose love for them begins to pull their identity apart. After a conversation with a 12 year old Battler about the kind of woman he likes, and getting even closer with George and Jessica in the years after, this person is at a crossroads on whos wishes get to be fulfilled: Shannon’s, Kanon’s, or Beatrice’s, and this all comes to a head on October 4th, 1986, where they facilitate a series of murders as an internal competition and as a demonstration to the person who affected them the most: Battler Ushiromiya.
….I THINK. I didn’t have the epiphany I thought I would have, more like a slow slow realization when I began to piece together the early-suggested possibility that Shannon was behind the appearances of Beatrice that Maria sees, the weird status of Kanon’s body at the end of almost every twilight, how Kanon had to bail Battler out in the first place, and the Love Duel itself, Shannon, Kanon and Beatrice all being on equal footing within it, and why Shannon and Kanon’s (and Beatrice’s) love had to be mutually exclusive in the first place. Plus more little details like the 19 paces coinciding with the perceived 19 people on the island (family + Beato) and the 19 years since the master of the game had been born, the narration and several characters like Featherine saying that the solution to the previous question or to the logic error could be the key to the whole mystery and is a part of Beato’s heart (her identity). George’s reminiscence of Battler and Shannon as a 12 year old with Beato’s own reminiscence of it coinciding with it. The fact that Battler has literally never seen Kanon and Shannon in the same room and the mystery of how Battler saw Beatrice after the murders of the fourth game. But I think that Shannon, Kanon, and Beatrice are all identities of one person, the 16th person after subtracting Kinzo, Kanon and Shannon from the initial 18, and that their disguises and faked deaths are the key to solving not just the logic error room, but the entire game and magic as a whole. Granted I don’t have *everything* figured out with this yet but I feel like I have my foot in the door finally.
Just starting with the logic error room, we know that Erika and Kanon entered and Batler left, the chain was reset when Erika entered, yet by the end of Erika’s search, Kanon was nowhere in the guestroom. Airtight locked room murder, practically no way to get out of this one, at least through the door. And for good measure, Hideyoshi, George, Nanjo, Kumasawa and Shanon are in the next room over while *everyone else* is in the cousins’ room, and during the escape, the seals to the doors of these rooms are intact. Genuinely the only in that I had on this one at first was the “everyone else” wording with Kanon’s status as furniture as my teeny little screwdriver I was trying to pry this thing open with. Of course the furniture thing is mostly a metaphor for the crested servants’ character arcs, and Genji is considered a person who would be included as “everyone else” but it was a start. Incidentally, my attempts before this episode had me reassessing the idea that Shannon could have disguised herself as Beatrice for Maria from the earlier episodes, and it was like I needed something to bridge these two ideas. And the fact of Kanon coming to save Battler being confirmed in red makes it seem useless to try to figure out how he got out of the cousins' room, but figuring that out was an important first step to my reasoning, as it helped me begin forming the idea that, somehow, to have been out of the cousin’s room, he would have had to be somehow less than one, to not be his own person, to not be included in “everyone else”. And taking this to the guestroom, it eventually dawned on me that, if *he* wasn’t his own person, and his love for Jessica couldn’t exist if Shannon was going to be with George, then maybe these two got in the way of each other because they were the same person, and if this was true, Kanon could escape the guestroom by discarding the disguised and identity of ‘Kanon’, removing him from the guestroom, since it was never specified that nobody was in there, only that Kanon wasn’t. ‘Shannon’ in the next room over could have gotten out through the window, since the status of the seals on the window is a hole that is pointed out in the episode, but Dlanor forbids it from being used, I think because bringing it up without solving Kanon’s identity would be solving the mystery incorrectly or at least out of order.
From here, you can take this to many of the other murders in Question arcs. I think I pointed out that Shannon’s body was hidden from George by Hideyoshi in episode 1, but rereading made me realize that not only had Battler not properly seen it either, but if Kanon was at the scene too, following my theory, the body could not have been Shannon’s. Whose it was I’m not sure. If Kumasawa got into her closet for this that would be funny. If they had a body prepared then sure. But this in conjunction with Kanon’s death not being seen by Battler later leaves this person without the identity of Shannon OR Kanon, free to run around the mansion murdering as they please. Even better if they are prepared to disguise as Beatrice as well, as this would have allowed them to have Maria turn around so they could kill Genji, Nanjo, and Kumasawa without harming her, and when the 4 others would come in and investigate, this person would slip out and kill Natsuhi. For Eva and Hideyoshi, since it was Kanon (and Genji who came upon the crime scene), I think it’s possible that the chain being locked was a lie on Genji and Kanon’s part.
As we know in Episode 2, Kanon’s corpse disappears after his death to the confusion of almost everyone, but this is because the body, as Shannon, is in Kinzo’s study “informing him of the murders” which after learning of Kinzo’s pre-game death means she can be doing whatever she wants. Since Kanon never shows up again, she operates as she needs to until she dies with George and Gohda. I think Shannon struggled with killing both of them. It seemed like there was a genuine struggle to even get the door open and overpower George and Gohda, so her and George could have killed each other, or she kills herself after killing George in mourning, because the final twilight is complete, or because she believes Genji or Rosa will take care of the rest. If Shannon was alive, Rosa stopping Battler from disturbing the body and then chasing everyone out would work for that, but Battler also witnesses like, the viscera of her head spilling out of the hole in it, which could constitute as a body check..? Maybe there’s some fuckery with how this Shannon looks to us and to the people inside the story, and that’s how she bypasses Battler’s body check? idk this one isn’t so solid but Kanon’s missing body is so damning to me. Battler does see Beato and Kinzo at the end and this could have been the culprit as Beato. Battler doesn’t get a good look at her and only sees Kinzo’s back as well. And the magic stuff at the end of every episode in my interpretation is Battler having died and the anti-magic, objective perspective being removed. So idk still working on that one lmao
The biggest thing for Episode 3 is the locked room chain, and having two of the servants being assumed identities really helps. Kanon’s body is ‘found’ in the chapel, a very remote part of the island, so his body is hard to confirm. On the other hand, Shannon is ‘found’ in the parlor, the easiest room to operate from and one that the adults were likely to break the locked room status of by shattering the window. Because Battler sees none of these bodies, the true nature is never confirmed, and it can be assumed that the culprit, having (momentarily) discarded Kanon and Shannon, once again has free reign over the mansion. This comes into play after Eva’s murders take the group into the mansion, starting with Rosa and Maria’s deaths as its unlikely the culprit would kill Maria this early. Kyrie kills Hideyoshi here, briefly surviving a shot to the stomach and either trying to hit Eva or retaliating against her where it would hurt (unwittingly damning her own daughter so yknow that’s not horrible at all). Back when I was a Kyrietrice truther (how I miss those days) I thought she survived much longer and killed George and Nanjo, but it turns out Battler checking her corpse in the metaworld means that Battler confirmed her death in the game too so bleh. But I think the culprit killed George and laid him in the parlor, possibly leading him in as Shannon. From here I think she plays dead as the survivors come in and while they’re distracted (Eva, Jessica and Nanjo are caught up in a fight while Battler overtly is checked out of the situation, not looking closely at the corpses at all), she sneaks out, only to be caught and shot at by Eva, which is what blinds Jessica. The shot isn’t immediately fatal but ‘Shannon’ is bleeding out fast and before she dies, she finds and kills Nanjo, “revives” Kanon, as Beatrice puts it, and leads Jessica out to where they will rest for the remainder of the game.
Chapter 4 is weird, it feels impossible to substantiate anything concrete when the whole island is a huge catbox to Battler, cooped up in the guest house, until after almost all of the murders are committed. WIth Shannon/Kanon in the dining hall with everyone, the best I can work out right now is the first six are shot down by them, the rest escape but are killed as well, at some point in between the 8th and 10th killings, ‘Kanon’ is discarded, making him the ‘9th death’, George and Jessica are killed, not before Jessica sees the dead bodies, is chased to her room and works out that if she gets caught, she’ll probably end up like the rest of them, which she tells Battler. At some point, Kyrie manages to get to a phone and call Battler before being killed. The most concrete thing I can deduce is that the hostage group was potentially never in the dungeon, the status of the dungeon’s existence in that space being up in the air, Kanon’s body is not at the bottom of the well that Battler cannot access, when Beatrice shows up to Battler at the end of the 4th and is spurned by Battler not remembering his sin, she finds a way to die as Shannon and be found.
Very hazy still obviously but idk how else Kanon escapes. Honestly "these clues and circumstances make one body unaccounted for so they can go do whatever" feels sorta cheap which makes me second guess all of this, obv theres some tricks to the locked rooms themselves still but I didn't anticipate that one possible theory would clear up so much. Also relies on the cooperation of some adults and Nanjo. Even tho I believe he’s nice I think Nanjo isn’t difficult considering he lies about Kinzo’s death for so long, and I feel like it wouldn’t be.. too hard to get any of the adults in on it if related to the inheritance? I still think some of Eva and Hideyoshi’s ep 1 behaviors are suspicious and it would be really funny and interesting if Kyrie was fuckin shit up. To me.
Overall if this is what the twist is, I think it's neat since Kanon and Shannon have been among my favorites from the beginning and the idea of them being so closely tied to the thematic core of the story is exciting. My idea of magic is so heavily informed by Ange’s story, it makes me wonder, since the Beato we saw in 67 seemed to live in a great deal of emotional neglect, neglect of her own self rather than of “Beatrice” (probably her mother lol), if this culprit is the same in that she was born from Kinzo and a Beato, likely the 67 one, and their personhood was ignored for the sake of Kinzo having Beato again, maybe “Shannon” and “Kanon” are similar to how Maria summons Sakutaro or Ange summons the sisters, and she summons the servants as a way of enriching her sense of self? Would be sort of interesting but it also feels like its crossing over into like DID territory and after playing like 2 danganronpa games worth of poorly handled stuff like that I dont know. I do kinda feel sad for Jessica not really getting to be with Kanon. They constantly get the short end of the stick, obviously because their love hasn’t developed like George and Shannon’s did over the past few years or even how Battler and Beatrice’s did over the past 5 games, but their love is so full of potential, and I love both of them so much. I’d love to just see them happy together but its not Jessica’s fate sadly lmao.
If we’re to believe that it was Battler’s sin that influenced all of this, I do find it to be really interesting how Battler tends to parallel Kinzo, as another extension of the idea that Kinzo keeps this very harrowing grip on all aspects of Beatrice’s/the culprit’s life. That Battler echos Kinzo’s yearning for the old Beatrice isn’t even solely tragic for Battler’s situation, it also has a lot of terrible implications for what we haven’t seen of Kinzo yet, if Battler’s projection of Beatrice as his former lover onto a girl who sees him as her father is any indication of what Kinzo was like. At the very least, I still love Battler and I think he differs from Kinzo by holding onto the love he had for his family. Even after six games, he’s still just as disgusted at the murders, especially so here, and the portrayal of the mothers of the Ushiromiya family in Battler’s game shows that Battler’s capable of a great deal of reflection and understanding, something that’s hard to believe Kinzo was ever willing to offer. For the sin itself it feels like it’s between Battler being like his grandfather, him neglecting the culprit in some way or him denying magic to her and by extension, her way of like and her worldview, like what we saw with young Ange and Maria.
My last thought on this theory is that it makes so much of the love game in ep6, specifically Zepar and Furfur’s commentary, incredibly funny with how on the nose it is, and shifting from the perspective of the elder Beato who doesn’t get it to that of Kanon and Shannon who are painfully aware, is very eye opening to how heavy handed their dialogue is. Yet another moment of the writers desperately trying to guide you to the heart of the mystery which is comforting as a staple of this whole story.
Looking back at the last post, it is funny how little I had to say about Erika Furudo then. She’s like my second favorite character now, as horrible as she is, and everything she does is in line with how she acted in ep5 (with one caveat we’ll get to), but just way more severe and like mask off about her cold-hearted rejection of emotional truths and desire for complete domination and control of what is accepted as the objective truth which is. very entertaining! Obviously saying a ton about the more clinical, quote unquote “intellectual” camps of mystery readers and writers and about how objective truth really is, which is all incredibly important to understanding the overall mystery, almost like a what not to do when playing Umineko.
But just focusing on Erika herself, she just feels so steeped in every detective trope you’ve ever heard of, and in a story that takes the time to build such nuanced dynamics and relationships between characters, the way she operates can be so two-dimensional it’s actually delightful to watch. Even when she’s given a backstory, it almost feels pre-packaged and thrown in to hastily give her depth and personal relation to truth on a conceptual level, as she is a detective, altho I don’t know if it’s completely hollow. Her back and forth with Dlanor is neat and her final response to it is an early tell that her refusal to recognize the emotions behind people’s truths is a fatal flaw of hers, probably caused by her falling out with her boyfriend. And with the whole game trusting you to see the emotions in everything and to not be cold and clinical in your assessment of the story, I can’t wholly believe she’s completely flat as a character, altho the commentary is still very unsubtle so idk fully. It’s not like bullshit characters can’t be meaningful, and I think there is a level of tragedy in the way she was fashioned on the game board as Bernkastel’s piece, trapped in the position of servitude to Bern, constantly emulating her callousness and seeking her approval, as if she’s like an author insert begging not to be removed by the author herself.
Like I said, she exhibits almost all the same behaviors she did in the last episode, just more brutally here. It’s almost like after failing to beat Battler at the end of episode 5, she’s trying to prove with everything she has that she really is a completely deplorable person, which she does when she fucking kills 5 people in what was supposed to be a non-tragic game, and she does this using the one thing that makes her different from last time: her lack of detective authority. Not only is is a cool trick that runs alongside her casting off the image of a noble seeker of the truth so she can debase herself in order to chase down a more twisted conclusion, it speaks a lot to her own capabilities that even without the privileges of a detective in a classic mystery story, she’s still able to bend the Ushiromiya family to her will and think miles ahead of Battler, making her all the more terrifying. Another thing that makes her different here is that she’s not just trying to solve the murders anymore, she is actively trying to catch Battler in a logic error, trapping him in the broken rules of his own game forever, and once she convinces him to give her seals to a few of the rooms, she does this incredibly easily, guiding Battler to his own damnation in what is, in my opinion, the best battle between the human side and witch side in the entire game thus far. It is absolutely fucking insane the lengths Erika goes to in order to completely destroy Battler. Her command of the game from the very start as if she had planned every mode both of them were going to make is just diabolical and after being a bit desensitized after the past 5 chapters of killings, her BEHEADING five people including a mom in front of her 9 year old daughter just to fuck up Battler’s game genuinely made me sick. And this is all heightened by how well written, translated, and voiced Erika is throughout the entire chapter. Before I got into Umineko, I’d seen videos of the scene completely out of context, and slowly I was drawn into wanting to play the game by the voice acting, the incredible music and tantalizingly rich atmosphere that I would have readily indulged in a full game of. But knowing the context of the scene now, how it acts as the final nail in the coffin of Battler and as the peak of Erika’s twisted level of ecstasy as she gleefully destroys this family, not just for domination of the truth but for the joy of revenge against Battler for denying her that ecstasy in the last game. It is just such an incredibly gripping stretch of scenes so fucking good oh my god.
All of this leads to the wedding of Erika and Battler, which really is the most deplorable action of Erika’s in this whole episode. Just the most disgusting subtext going on here that if you’ve read the novel I don’t even have to spell out. Just the depths she plummets to so she can exercise complete control over Battler. In stark contrast to the way Beatrice let Battler into her game, granting him the tools to understand her and to shed light on the mystery of her existence, finally granting her fulfillment, Erika is an intruder into Battler’s game in every sense of the word, and it’s Bern that created this monster in the first place to further toy with the lives of the Ushiromiya family, not completely different from how it was Kinzo's upbringing that made the adults of the Ushiromiya family who they were, leading to how theyr raised their own kids. Luckily Beatrice is the one who steps in at the last moment to save Battler here, exposing the one thing Erika cannot control: the emotions that are inherent to the facts of the murders. She cannot fathom that the solution to the murder isn’t some one million iq 4D chess move of Beatrice's and after an epiphany about the nature of multiple truths that not only feels kinda fake but is something Battler had come to 3 whole episodes ago with Virgilia and the Braun tubes, Beatrice and Battler’s final red truth shoots her down. Troll officially slayed don't be like Erika Furudo kids. Also there’s only 16 people on the island now! Hopefully you paid attention to Zepar and Furfur earlier. It is actually a funny wink wink nudge nudge that Beatrice entering the chapel to save Battler from the marriage runs parallel to Kanon entering the guest room. As if Ryukishi isnt already on his hands and knees tears in his eyes screaming and begging and groveling for the reader to understand whats going on here.
But yea Erika is a fascinating case study on the nature of truth, its objectivity and how it should be pursued. “True” does not always equal “right”, and the pursuit of objectivity can do immeasurable and irrevocable harm to innocent people just trying to find happiness in their own lives. I didn’t even mention her beefing with a literal 9 year old over a beginner magic trick, but it's clear here that her values run opposite to the games and the writers have a very very fun time criticizing those values through her. I learned this from a YouTube comment but apparently in some WTC bonus material, Rika from Higurashi mentions deep sea fish as omens of misfortune, which absolutely evokes the image of Erika washing up on the shores of Rokkenjima, foreshadowing the ensuing disaster. But after everything, as astute as she is as a riddle solver, she really has not even gotten out of the shallow end in terms of what the heart of a mystery really is, how trauma makes people act and why people are even driven to do the things that they do, ultimately looking like a fish out of water against this very magical setting. Get it like solitary deep sea fish honk honk
Other thoughts. I’m so happy to see Ange again! If the meta aspects of this story weren’t obvious enough, her and Hachijo/Featherine have the most overt readeauthor relationship, and it’s funny how Ange’s risen to Battler’s status of reader insert but in a different way. Battler and Beatrice have a combative, opposing relationship but the way she presents the murders to Battler and beckons him to figure them out very much reflects the writers’ desire for the reader to recognize their fiction. On the outside, it seems tricky but is actually very nurturing. Now, this late in the story, Ange and Featherine have a much more outwardly respectful relationship, likened to a miko and her guardian, although there is a little seedling of toughness that Featherine seems to hold for Ange, probably because of the latter’s stubbornness about some aspects of the story, with Ange also harboring contempt for Featherine sensationalizing her trauma with the message bottles. Funny inversion with Battler and I like the continued commentary on true crime. I also think Ange’s pursuit of the truth and trouble with emotions as Featherine’s reader slightly echoes Bern’s other piece, Erika, although to a much, and I cannot stress that Ange is not anywhere near as flawed as Erika, MUCH lesser extent, and Ange clearly has a higher chance of actually coming to an understanding at the end of the episode, plus its more understanding of Ange to want some power over the narrative as someone whose life was nearly ruined by it, rather than a piece who was just dropped in without any other relation to the Ushiromiya’s, despite being at the mercy of her master. Hate M Zakky guy plotting to kill her at the end altho I figured he sniped those Sumadera henchmen for her earlier and its not surprising but. le sigh
And because you know I have to always bring up Kyrie. That scene with her and Jessica was. Amazing. When Jessica's eyes glazed over and prison strip started playing I lost my mind. Genuinely such a compelling backstory for Kyrie and I love Jessica’s challenge to it, and her finishing line that, as much as Kyrie has been both empowered and terrorized by her jealousy, it does not make her a noble person, and this idea that trauma doesn’t automatically make you virtuous, I believe, will probably be very pertinent to the ultimate mysteries of the story. Besides that, one detail I caught is Kyrie talking about having worked up the nerve to kill Asumu over many many years, and she calls it a miracle that some other force took her the moment that she would have. Earlier this episode, and it’s been echoed in the previous ones, Featherine mentions that magic, as something limited by human ability, is the power to follow through with or get away with it. It really makes me think that. Kyrie could have just. Killed Asumu and is using magic to exonerate herself fdsfdsfds .I mean I’m always biased to my idea of murderer bastard Kyrie and the mountain of circumstantial evidence I thought I had with that and I do think its really funny!!! That she’s the only adult who seems to know how to handle the WInchesters well enough to do it one handed in her cg AND her portrait (og and pachinko not ps3). But hey idk. Every time she makes that closed eyes open mouth portrait it makes me think that she might not be any more savvy than the other adults about whats going on so even if its not serious i can still dream

TLDR: I want independency and freedom, but I don't know how to break up with someone who hasn't done anything wrong.
Hi, don't use reddit much so sorry for poor structure to follow lol, this is quite a long and personal one too. I'll give some background info first: we've been together for just over 2 years and its been long distance, but it's been a difficult 2 years. We rushed into the relationship, going from strangers to 'we are gonna date' within a week. This caused the first year or so to be very difficult, having to learn basic information about each other whilst having been dating for months, and with him initially not allowing me to hang out with friends without texting him, and me admittedly making very long term plans for the future (moving in together, our future careers and where we'd like to live). After the first year, it definitely got better as we both matured a lot, with him improving significantly on his self esteem issues, and me realising that significant long term plans early on in a relationship can set a false hope. The only reason we got through this difficult part was because I had to teach him (and myself) how to be better boyfriends for each other. He initially didnt see anything wrong with his actions or thoughts and believed them to be normal. As such, the past 9 months have been more pleasant, we meet up at least every 2 months, and when we can't physically see each other, we call, text and make sure we have online dates, like watching movies together or playing video games together.
Recently however, I realised I need freedom, due to a controlling and bad upbringing. I just want freedom, and to cut ties with everything in my life. I want to travel, I want to do things without telling anyone and I want to just enjoy being young. Since the start of the relationship however, we both agreed we were in this for the long term, and want to have a future together, but I know saying this stuff when you're young is stupid.
However, over the past couple of months, he's been a much better partner; it feels like he's always improving in one way or another. We still have some hot-button topics we can't talk about without it blowing up into an argument (more on that later), but things are a lot more healthy in comparison to last year. But I feel like the spark has been lost. I don't know if it's worth trying reignite it, I'm not willing to give up on him so easily, but that does also come with its own problems.
I believe he has been lying about applying for jobs, despite promising me he would get a job soon for our entire relationship, he's only sent off 4 applications in 2 years (as far as I'm aware). He is able to work, but I feel like he chooses not to. I have a strong work ethic on the other hand, I've always had a job since I was 15, or finding ways to earn money since I was 13 (and not pocket money or chores either). I can't really discuss this with him as this topic always ends up blowing up into an argument, no matter how I phrase it.
This is an issue as I believe dates should be 50/50, yet i tend to be paying for 95% of dates and the other 5% we split the bill. This also upsets him when I can't pay for more dates, as he tries to find ways I could get an advance on my pay or take money from my savings account to pay for stuff. He struggles to accept the fact that sometimes, we have to just stay home and find something fun to do there.
However, a selfish part of me wants to stay with him since I've planned to move in with him and his family within the next 3 months and it would mean, in simple terms, a more stable life.
As for how I'm feeling about the relationship, I love him as a person, but I'm not in love with him. I've lost almost all physical desires for him (not that it's a big issue anyway - I'm on anti-depressants so I'm only in the mood for sex once every couple of weeks), and I just don't see him in the same light as I used to. I used to see him as this cute, nerdy guy who had his own interests and was very emotional but caring, but now I just see him as a lazy nerd who is sitting at home playing video games all day. We get along well, the happiest I am with him is when we're talking casually, like you would with a friend. Of course relationships are cyclical, but this feeling has been growing for months now, and not matter what I try, nothing changes. I'm willing to give it another shot, to take him out on dates and spice the relationship up.
I feel like if we were both 5-7 years older, had finished with our education, matured a bit, and had full time jobs, I would be willing to settle down with him. To me, it kinda feels like a 'right person, wrong time' type of situation. He has some maturing to do, and I have some personal goals I want to reach first. This is why I'm hesitant to break up with him: he loves me unconditionally. Even though I've been distant recently (exams and personal life drama), he still messages me with the same love he's always shown me. He really is a special, unique person with unconditional and limitless love to give, and that's why I'm scared to lose him - I don't think I'll ever find someone as loving as him.
I know this situation is very complicated and has a lot of layers, I just want people's opinions on what to do, i dont have many friends i can speak to about this. Should I try harder to reignite the spark and push back my own desires for freedom, or should I bite the bullet and prioritise what I want to do?

I feel like a monster, about a 2 months ago I broke off my engagement, we had been engaged for a year. I broke off the engagement with the intention of leaving my relationship because I was fed up with feeling like I wasn’t being heard and that I wasn’t being valued, I was tired of feeling afraid of every argument because he would stop speaking to me for days sometimes weeks, so I broke off the engagement and decided to end the relationship but after I sat down and had a talk with my mom and then him in person I decided to give him a second chance, but I decided to not call back the engagement, we would postpone everything until we were both fully ready for a step like that. At first I thought things would be okay I thought I could give him a second chance he did begin to change things that I had told him hurt me, but every time I looked at him all I saw were the things he had done, i didn’t feel like I could trust him, it started to affect me both physically and mentally. Instead of feeling happy when he came to visit me I felt anxiety and wanted to throw up. Thinking about him and our relationship would make me feel sick to my stomach ache, I noticed that showing physical affection turned difficult often times I didn’t know how to react to him, my chest only felt heavy when I looked at him. I tried communicating to him about how I felt I let him know that I was feeling this way and he reassured me that it was okay that with time things could change but he also kept telling me that I was holding onto the past too much that I needed to let go. Then one day we had an argument and we had agreed that when we had an argument we would not go to bed angry with one another he had promised, but that day he didn’t talk to me this went on for 3 days before I had always been the one to reach out and I told myself that I wouldn’t anymore so when he didn’t text me at all but texted my mom something in me just snapped I know I’m not the best I know that I had problems too that I too was to blame as why this relationship turned out this way, but i couldn’t take that anymore, I couldn’t. So I broke up with him hearing him cry broke me to pieces it truly did the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him he’s a guy that never cries so hearing him cry because of this broke me. He came to pick up the ring and the money we had saved up for the wedding about 2 weeks ago I left it for him outside in a box and he left me a box as well it was a present that he had made himself in the time we were together he had never done that it was a journal filled with words of apologies and pictures of us moments we spent he asked me to meet him in the park we always hung out at if I was still willing to give him a chance that he would wait till 1 pm I told him that I couldn’t that while it hurt I believed this was for the best for both of us. Now a couple of days ago I was walking my dog it has now been around a month since we broke up. I was taking my dog out in the morning as I had somewhere to go in the afternoon I wasn’t aware of this but my mom had been telling him what I was up to. She told him that if he ever wanted to come over he could and that he might catch me at the park if he was lucky. When I got to the park I was just walking in when I saw him come out of his car that was parked on the sidewalk of some houses that were nearby with a big bouquet of sunflowers and roses with words on it that said “Io siento mi niña” (im sorry my girl) when I saw him I felt extreme anxiety I tried to walk away with my dog walking fast I was having a panic attack but he ran and caught my wrist and he talked to me asking me begging me to talk about this that he didn’t want it to end this way that it’s never too late. When I saw him I felt empty my chest only felt heavy I could only stare at him even while he cried I couldn’t feel anything. It made me mad I won’t lie or hold back I ended up saying some cruel things, I had told him I didn’t resent him for what happened but seeing him there conspiring with my mom made me mad I ended up telling him that our roles had swapped before I was the one crying in that very park yelling at him to change begging for him to change to stop doing things that were hurting me but it had taken him almost 2 years and for my mom to talk to him and me almost leave the first time for him to change. In my mind he was too late, he changed too late, he came looking for me too late, had he done that earlier I may have considered it, god knows all I wanted to do when I heard him cry the first time when I broke up with him was hug him and comfort him but he was too late. He ended up telling me to look him in the eye and tell him I no longer had feelings for him, so I did I said those exact words the moment I said those words god I wanted to take them back so bad I’ll never forget his expression he dropped the bouquet he was holding and fell to his knees sobbing I wanted to hug him tell him everything was going to be alright but I knew I couldn’t do that I’ll never ever forget that face I felt like I was walking out on his inner child that is what I saw and I feel like a monster, I walked at that very park today and I felt like I was watching the scene all over again, I felt like a monster, maybe I am one.

The folded newspaper was not much rain cover from the onset showers that were undoubtedly about to come from the looming storm. Nonetheless, it was all Miranda had to protect her hair and makeup as she ran inside the opulent state office building. She was concerned that her hair would get wet; and with a fresh perm, that could disastrous.
She was so used to only speaking to patients in the confines of her home office; not worrying what anyone thought of her with no makeup on and hair tied up in a bun, that being concerned about things like foundation and extensions seemed like a novel annoyance.
Miranda had made the trip to Hillsborough to attend her cousin Andrea’s wedding the following day. And as excited as everyone was, no one in the party had thought to go and pick up the paperwork for the marriage license, so the job fell to her.
As she walked through security, she felt as though she were a leaf in a whirlwind of activity that she intuitively knew was unusual for the space. The place was packed, and she had to avoid bumping into people who were otherwise unaware of anyone else’s existence.
As she placed her keys and other items in the small container on the conveyor belt beside the metal detector, she leaned in and asked a friendly but hapless-looking guard about the day’s ongoing procedures.
“Oh…it’s election day, ma’am.”
“Great,” she thought to herself.
It was like being in a Bruegel painting, an array of scenes around her all happening simultaneously happening. A man shaking hands and giving speeches, a woman filming herself giving a campaign message, another man arguing with security over a pair of keys that he wasn’t supposed to have.
Miranda hoped that she would be able to beat the storm and be back on her way to her Aunt Jess’ house before the rain started to seriously fall, but this was the type of task that had the potential to be easy and seamless or dreadfully bureaucratic.
As she stood in line, she heard a commotion from inside the clerk’s office.
“It’s the law!” a woman yelled. “I don’t care what your personal beliefs are. You work for the state, and that means you work for the citizens of this city; that includes me!”
The woman emerged from the office and was gorgeous. She wore a fur coat that swayed as she walked and had piercing eyes that were hidden by a large pair of sunglasses just as quickly as she had emerged.
“I’m sure she’ll play the race card,” another person in line scoffed, referring to the woman’s complexion, though she neither appeared to be white nor black.
“I heard she’s been spending a lot of time with a particular candidate,” another patron chided.
Miranda reached in her pocket and pulled out a pair of earbuds. “None of my business…”
Just as she reached the front of the line, the lights went out as thunder crashed and lightning flashed outside the building.
A deep sense of dread filled Miranda’s stomach as she heard the loud sound of hail hitting the state office’s roof and windows.
“My goodness,” she sighed. “I’d better call Lucy and let her know I’ll be longer than expected,” she thought to herself.
Just as she took out her phone to search for her aunt’s contact, the red and blue lights and the sound of an alarm went off. Confused, she searched the faces of the other patrons only to hear the voice of a man in a black shirt and pants with a badge directing everyone to the center atrium and away from all the windows.
A woman in a pair of flowing purple pants, a white blouse, and short blonde hair raised her voice and attempted to reassure everyone that everything would be okay.
“Everyone…Everyone,” she shouted. “We will have this mishap sorted in just a few minutes. Just remain calm, and we’ll be able to finish out the counting of the ballots. We appreciate yo…”
She was interrupted by an overweight man in a finely cut suit. “My staff is attempting to get to the bottom of things, and we’ll get the electricity back on as soon as possible. Just bear with us,” he boomed as he stood on the steps leading to the platform in the center of the room.
Miranda noticed the sly smile that crossed his face as he turned and looked at the blonde woman in the blouse. One-upping her had brought him a certain amount of pleasure, and the tension between them was palpable as she shot him a death glance that bounced off of him like a lone BB pellet.
Pleased with himself and chest out, he returned to a group of cohorts. A very serious man in a gray suit approached him while attempting to clean his shirt. His head was shaved and his beard trimmed; he hung a pair of sunglasses from his coat pocket. He was the type of man whose eyes were seen far less than they were exposed.
“Mr. Henly,” one of his minions said out loud, getting the blowhard’s attention and gesturing to the man in the gray suit. The large man quickly made room. The man in the gray suit walked up to Harold, leaned in, and whispered something into his ear that made his face grow hard. Harold reached inside his suit pocket and pulled out a thick manila envelope, surreptitiously handing it to the man in the gray suit and patting him on the shoulder before the man disappeared once again into the crowd.
Just then, the lights came back on as if there was a renewed sense of life in a world where time seemed to have stopped. Color returned to the building and sounds began to fill the atrium.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to need your cooperation,” a handsome African American man said with a certain amount of trepidation in his voice. He took the main stage in the atrium and gestured to everyone to garner their attention. “It would appear as though we have encountered a clerical error,” he said.
A confused murmur rippled throughout the crowd.
“What’s the meaning of this?” Harold bellowed loud enough for everyone to hear, once again making himself the center of attention.
The man sighed. “It would appear…” he paused, “as if several boxes of ballots have gone missing.”
A unilateral chatter began, and concerned looks were exchanged between everyone in the atrium.
“What kind of a clown show are you running here, Pennyworth?” Harold boomed.
“I’m not running this election, Harold, I’m a…”
“No, you’re not capable of running anything. I’ll take over and get this figured out,” he interrupted.
“You’ll do no such thing. You, like me, are a candidate and are prohibited from participating in the election process,” he continued. “But someone had to make the announcement as you were too busy here shaking hands to know what was going on in the building.
“Everyone, unfortunately, until we get this sorted out…no one can leave the building until the ballots are found.”
A unilateral disgruntled sigh filled the large auditorium.
Disappointed, Miranda thought quickly and approached the security office.
Poking her head through the door, she looked for anyone that she thought could help.
“Hello…um…excuse me,” she called out.
Inside was a guard with an untucked shirt and a half-eaten eclair speaking with an older janitor leaning on his broom over the security desk.
“You didn’t hear it from me,” the janitor said with a playful nod, “but I think she and her assistant have something going on, and her husband is a bit salty about the entire thing.” the old man said. “I mean, your wife leaving you is one thing, but her leaving you for your assistant, and a woman for that matter,” he pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows. “I guess I’m just ol’ school, cause that wouldn’ta happened to me!”
“Mr. Jones, quit gossiping,” the guard laughed. “Now what was it that you needed to tell me?”
“I…I done gone and forgot,” he said, frustrated. “It was about her assistant,” he scratched his face trying to remember. “I thought I saw…I thought I saw her…” the older man looked down trying to remember.
The security guard turned his attention toward Miranda.
“Hi…uh…how can I help you?”
“Hi,” Miranda said with a forced smile. “My name is Miranda Fletcher. I work with law…”
“Hey,” the guard said with a long drawn out smile. “Do you know Andrea?”
“Yes…yes!” she stammered. “She’s my cousin!” she said excitedly with renewed hope that she could parlay her family name to get out of this.
“Are you here for the wedding?” he asked cheerfully.
“Bridesmaid, guilty as charged,” she said with a grin and a curtsy.
“How do you know Andrea?” she said with widened eyes and genuine curiosity.
“Oh…, Andrea dumped me six months ago to start dating Alex Tate,” he said with a blank stare and goofy smile.
“Oh,” Miranda stared. She was like a deer in headlights, unable to formulate her next words. In an awkward silence, the two continued to stare and nod at one another for what felt like minutes instead of seconds.
The janitor, feeling the awkwardness of the situation, decided to see himself out.
In a sudden break in silence, the guard continued, “But that’s all in the past now,” he said with a warm laugh that left Miranda still a bit stilted, but more at ease.
“We just weren’t right for one another, and I don’t hold any grudges. I’m Billy, by the way.”
“Miranda Fletcher,” she replied.
“How’s your aunt?” he asked.
“Ah…you know, surrounded by her books,” she said, trying to make light of the situation.
“I was just going to say, I work with law enforcement. I can promise you that I had nothing to do with these ballots being taken.” She assured him. “
You can track me on the security cameras to confirm my whereabouts. Is it possible for me just to go about my business and leave?”
“Yeah…about that…our security cameras have been out almost all day. Worst day this could have happened,” he said. “We’ve got technicians coming to take a look at our system tomorrow, but otherwise, we’ve got no way to verify where anybody was.”
Miranda sighed.
“You said you worked with law enforcement?” the guard repeated.
“Yes,” Miranda replied exasperated as she tried sending a text to her cousin letting her know what was going on. “I’m a forensic psychologist. I do profiles of criminals ranging from fraudulent hedge fund managers to serial killers.”
“Wow…well, that’s more than we could have asked for,” he said. “Look, between you and me, those ballot boxes didn’t go ‘missing,’” he said with air quotes. “Somebody is trying to rig this election.”
Miranda’s face dropped as she stared Billy in the eye.
“And nobody’s leaving this building until those ballots are found,” he said with a despondent gaze.
“Who are the candidates?” Miranda asked with a sigh. “Who’s the loudmouth?”
“Oh…that’s Harold Henly,” Billy said. “He can be a bit much, but I like some of his policies,” he said with a bit of enthusiasm. “But he can rub some people the wrong way.”
“And that man in the gray suit?” she asked.
“Yeah…that’s his associate,” Billy said. “Earlier in the day, we had to confiscate some city hall keys he had in his possession.”
“And the blonde with the short hair?” Miranda asked.
“Oh…that’s Andrea Milton,” he explained with a comically southern accent and scrunched up face as if smelling something distasteful. “She’s a Democrat.”
Miranda nodded graciously.
Billy whispered, “She’s the one ol’ Mr. Jones was gossiping about just before you walked in.”
“Oh…and there’s Carlton Pennyworth. He’s a nice enough guy; smart as a whip, but I don’t know if Hillsborough is ready for him just yet,” Billy added. “There’s some real history with his family in this town though.”
Miranda feigned interest.
“Legend has it that Harold’s great great grandfather changed their last name in the city’s ledger to Penny, telling him that’s exactly how much he was worth. And it just stuck”
Miranda winced at the story feeling a sense of disgust at Henly’s ancestors actions; putting a whole new context to their interaction in the atrium.
“I’m going to take a walk around and see what I can find out,” Miranda told Billy.
“Sure, if you have any more questions that I or one of the other guards can answer, just let us know.”
Miranda took a walk around to talk to some of the characters and explore the building.
Click here to explore the building and speak to the characters

Or so I have been told. Here’s some simple, short, albeit INSANE backstory first.
I (33f) was adopted at birth. My parents told me at the age of 4. Never had any issues with it. At 17 I got pregnant with my son, searched for bio family for medical reasons and due to pregnancy complications, never found anyone. At 19 I literally stumble upon my bio mom. Literally. I was working at a grocery store, customer thinks I look like his wife’s childhood friend, they tell the friend and friend mentions baby she gave up 19 years earlier that no one knew about. Fast forward a bit, it’s confirmed she’s my bio mom and I meet her, we try a relationship, she’s manipulative right from the beginning. I meet my sister and realize the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Distanced, but didn’t completely cut, myself from them. Would still see them on random occasions but I would talk to my sister more frequently via phone.
Sister gets married in like 2015. I’m invited to the wedding. I hesitate to go but sister wants me there very badly. It’s a backyard wedding at bio mom’s house but it’s beautiful nonetheless. Wasn’t too awkward since I met a lot of these people before throughout the years. I had my two kids in tow and had a good time.
Cut all ties within the next few years with bio mom as she crossed a major boundary of mine when she showed up at my parent’s house looking for me. I knew she did that on purpose, and I was already done with her bullshit. Didn’t see her again after that day. She would, however, randomly reach out via Facebook and such. I would not respond.
I cut ties officially with everyone when bio mom tried to have something to say about my new relationship after my divorce.
It’s been over 5 years since this happened. I have never even ran into them let alone heard their names. I’m casually shopping the other day and a woman approaches me and tells me I look just like her cousin “bio mom.” After my confirmation, she tells me she has met me before at my sisters wedding. She starts talking all about how bio mom has done horrible things to her in the past 9 years and I simply shared that I no longer associated with anyone. She then tells me that I was actually invited to my sisters wedding out of spite. I don’t care, but I was a bit confused so I entertained it. Apparently, bio sister invited me and it was supposed to be a slap in the face to me. She invited me as a way to brag that her mother kept her and not me. I laughed, loudly, because that is NOT the brag that she thinks it is. My parents were absolutely amazing. The best, to say the least, while my sister jumped between relatives for many different reasons. On one occasion when my sister met my parents, she cried to my mom that she wished they’d have been able to adopt her too. I’m not surprised. My older self is jealous of my younger self because of the life I lived lol. I wish I could do it again and again.
None of that actually bothers me. But the part that DOES is that apparently unbeknownst to me, while at the wedding, bio mom at one point asked this particular cousin of hers “how she did.” Cousin thought she was talking about the wedding, and told her it was beautiful. Bio mom then pointed to me and said “no, I mean with OP? She’s lovely isn’t she?” Cousin said she couldn’t believe it and actually replied “you had nothing to do with her and who she is and I think the way you’re parading her around here tonight is uncomfortable for many.” Bio mom then says something to the extent of, “well bio sister wanted her here because she wanted to show off our family and what she could have been a part of.”
Seriously? Maybe I’m just more sensitive to all of this because I just lost my beautiful, intelligent, loving, and kind mother in 2021, but how dare bio mom try to take any type of credit for who I became, or my bio sister think that I’d be comparing anything. I’m a grown adult, a professional, I don’t like pettiness and confrontation, AND maybe this cousin was just trying to tell a story for some reason, but part of me wants to unblock everyone and finally say everything I’ve wanted to for so long. I’m so mad that this has gotten so deep into my head.
Just needed to vent.

Hey there, I'm Ari. That's not actually my name but I like how it sounds and I don't feel like sharing my real name on here yet. I've been feeling pretty down lately and thought I could give this another go. I've pretty much had zero physical or emotional relationships so far and It's starting to be something I can't ignore anymore. I'm not looking for a full blown relationship right away. Especially with me, these things take time, and I would like to get to know you as a friend first before we try to make that leap. For the most part I'll be talking over reddit dm's but eventually we'd probably move to discord to talk more or play games and stuff.
About me:
I'm white and around 5'10" with long (I might be cutting it soon, sorry if you like long hair) black hair that I usually have tied up and brown eyes. I'm a heavier guy, usually sitting around 230-250lbs. Right now life has been very mean to me so I'm more like 260 currently. I have full-ish facial hair and almost never shave it fully. I mostly wear flannel and jeans. My wardrobe sucks honestly I usually wear the same 3-4 outfits. I have pretty basic hobbies. I game a lot, listen to music even more, and I used to play the piano back in high school. I still have one that I practice with occasionally. I usually play games like: Terraria, Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Helldivers 2, Dark Souls 3, Elden Ring, Bloodborne, Lies of P, Cyberpunk, Fallout NV/4, and Skyrim. My favorite musician is Porter Robinson, I listen to his stuff all the time(Side note: Porter just put out a new single called Russian Roulette and it's so good). Some of my favorite songs are: I'm Not Crazy-Kevin Walkman, Feel-Lies of P, I Really Want to Stay at Your House-Rosa Walton, Bug Bear- Chloe Moriondo, The Fire-Puppet, Language-Porter Robinson, Favorite Liar-The Wreaks, and Cold Weather-Glass Beach. I also have been listening to Critical Roll on Spotify a lot recently during work. I've always wanted to play D&D but have never had the time or people to try. I also work, a lot. I'm usually working 35-45 hour weeks. I'm not really big on birthdays also. I don't want big surprise parties or celebrations. Sleeping in, getting some takeout and playing some games with you would be perfect in my mind.
About you:
I'm really not one to choose looks over personality. The only things appearance wise that are a plus for me are freckles, and if you are chubby. I love chubby women, I think they are soft and give the best cuddles and are so cute. Ideally I'm looking for someone who can be gentle and caring. I love women that give praise and cuddles. I also love people who are passionate about something, I would love to sit and listen to you ramble about your special interest for hours. It would also be nice if you were also a gamer, a lot of the games I listed would be nice to play with other people. I think it would help me open up too if we used gaming as a medium to socialize. I've always wanted a partner who also listens to Porter Robinson, but that is by no means a deal breaker for me. Just a pipedream I entertain the thought of sometimes. I'm only looking for people around 19-29. I would prefer that you live somewhat close to Illinois but It's not a deal breaker if you're further. The only hard stance I have is that you do not do any drugs. I have a really bad past with drugs and I cannot have a relationship with someone who does them, even if it's just casual use. I'm okay with alcohol but only very casual drinking. I would prefer someone who doesn't try to drop hints that they're interested in me, I would like it if you were more direct. I will not understand that the hints are hints. Unless I've been told otherwise to my face, I will assume that you're just being really nice to me today or something. I also would prefer it if you don't have anger issues. I respond very poorly to being yelled at and would not like a relationship with someone who makes me feel like that.
That's pretty much it. Sorry if I don't respond right away, I work night shifts sometimes so my sleep schedule is all over the place.
(Also if any of my irl friends figure out that this is my post, no you didn't.)

Hey there, I'm Ari. That's not actually my name but I like how it sounds and I don't feel like sharing my real name on here yet. I've been feeling pretty down lately and thought I could give this another go. I've pretty much had zero physical or emotional relationships so far and It's starting to be something I can't ignore anymore. I'm not looking for a full blown relationship right away. Especially with me, these things take time, and I would like to get to know you as a friend first before we try to make that leap. For the most part I'll be talking over reddit dm's but eventually we'd probably move to discord to talk more or play games and stuff.
About me:
I'm white and around 5'10" with long (I might be cutting it soon, sorry if you like long hair) black hair that I usually have tied up and brown eyes. I'm a heavier guy, usually sitting around 230-250lbs. Right now life has been very mean to me so I'm more like 260 currently. I have full-ish facial hair and almost never shave it fully. I mostly wear flannel and jeans. My wardrobe sucks honestly I usually wear the same 3-4 outfits. I have pretty basic hobbies. I game a lot, listen to music even more, and I used to play the piano back in high school. I still have one that I practice with occasionally. I usually play games like: Terraria, Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Helldivers 2, Dark Souls 3, Elden Ring, Bloodborne, Lies of P, Cyberpunk, Fallout NV/4, and Skyrim. My favorite musician is Porter Robinson, I listen to his stuff all the time(Side note: Porter just put out a new single called Russian Roulette and it's so good). Some of my favorite songs are: I'm Not Crazy-Kevin Walkman, Feel-Lies of P, I Really Want to Stay at Your House-Rosa Walton, Bug Bear- Chloe Moriondo, The Fire-Puppet, Language-Porter Robinson, Favorite Liar-The Wreaks, and Cold Weather-Glass Beach. I also have been listening to Critical Roll on Spotify a lot recently during work. I've always wanted to play D&D but have never had the time or people to try. I also work, a lot. I'm usually working 35-45 hour weeks. I'm not really big on birthdays also. I don't want big surprise parties or celebrations. Sleeping in, getting some takeout and playing some games with you would be perfect in my mind.
About you:
I'm really not one to choose looks over personality. The only things appearance wise that are a plus for me are freckles, and if you are chubby. I love chubby women, I think they are soft and give the best cuddles and are so cute. Ideally I'm looking for someone who can be gentle and caring. I love women that give praise and cuddles. I also love people who are passionate about something, I would love to sit and listen to you ramble about your special interest for hours. It would also be nice if you were also a gamer, a lot of the games I listed would be nice to play with other people. I think it would help me open up too if we used gaming as a medium to socialize. I've always wanted a partner who also listens to Porter Robinson, but that is by no means a deal breaker for me. Just a pipedream I entertain the thought of sometimes. I'm only looking for people around 19-29. I would prefer that you live somewhat close to Illinois but It's not a deal breaker if you're further. The only hard stance I have is that you do not do any drugs. I have a really bad past with drugs and I cannot have a relationship with someone who does them, even if it's just casual use. I'm okay with alcohol but only very casual drinking. I would prefer someone who doesn't try to drop hints that they're interested in me, I would like it if you were more direct. I will not understand that the hints are hints. Unless I've been told otherwise to my face, I will assume that you're just being really nice to me today or something. I also would prefer it if you don't have anger issues. I respond very poorly to being yelled at and would not like a relationship with someone who makes me feel like that.
That's pretty much it. Sorry if I don't respond right away, I work night shifts sometimes so my sleep schedule is all over the place.
(Also if any of my irl friends figure out that this is my post, no you didn't.)

Apologies for all the text, this is after I trimmed too…
TLDR: My sister (also engaged) got angry and told me I was crazy when I told her what my wedding plans were under the guise that it’s because she cares about me and doesn’t want me to feel like I have to placate my fiancé. Am I missing something?
My fiancé (M29) and I (F28) got engaged back in March. In each of our perfect worlds, I would do more of a traditional, small (30-50 people) wedding and reception, while he would prefer to travel somewhere beautiful and have a special/intimate ceremony with just the two of us. We both knew this prior to getting engaged and knew we would need to compromise when it came time.
Well today we finally sat down, set a date, and talked about how we were going to navigate our differing views. We went back and forth between two options but eventually decided to go with my original idea.
The current plan is, we will go on a vacation and get married in a private ceremony just the two of us in November 2024. It’ll be romantic and special and truly just for us. We will still get a photographer and have photos taken during and after (one of my musts). Then, on our first anniversary, to the day, we will have a renewal ceremony and reception with more of the traditional wedding vibe with our friends and family. We both really like this idea and feel that it addresses both of our wants.
I was excited so I called my dad and step-mom and told them the plan. Obviously they would like to see us get married, but they agreed that this was the best compromise, and family would still get to see photos, a ceremony, and celebrate with us on our first anniversary. Then I called my sister (F26) who is also engaged and is having a 150 person, black-tie formal wedding in February. I am the MOH. As we are both engaged, we have talked about our potential weddings together on several occasions and I described what my “perfect” wedding would be if I was the only one making the decisions, but that it’s my fiancé’s wedding too so obviously it won’t go exactly like that.
Potentially relevant context, I am a very laid-back person. There’s not a whole lot I’m picky about and am generally good with just rolling with whatever. My fiancé on the other hand, is quite particular, not controlling, more so he is confident in what he wants. This dynamic generally works well for us and when something comes up that I have a strong opinion on, he knows I’m serious. I’ll admit, early on in the relationship I was a bit of a pushover (thanks BPD mother) and would sometimes vent to my sister, but with therapy I learned how to set appropriate boundaries and speak up for myself. My sister’s fiancé is more like me and usually just goes along with whatever my sister wants.
So…. after calling my dad, I called my sister. I told her my plan, that it was my idea, and that I was happy with it, and she FLIPPED OUT. She got really angry and told me that the idea was crazy. Part of the idea is MAYBE going to a state where you can self-officiate and she was like “WTF you’re not even going to have someone else announce you and marry you???” She asked why we wouldn’t do our private ceremony and then celebrate with everyone immediately after or a couple weeks after. I explained that I still wanted to do a ceremony with our family to give them an opportunity to witness it. She freaked out a little more and told me that when I tell other people in our family that they would also tell me how crazy I was being (not knowing I had already called my dad), and then hung up on me…? She then proceeded to call my dad herself to tell him what I told her.
I texted her asking what her deal was and she responded “I’m angry because I care and love you. I wish you would do exactly what you want on your wedding day – not whatever makes him stop whining. This isn’t what you said you wanted 2 weeks ago. “
So internet strangers, am I missing something? Is that idea stupid or crazy? Now I’m second guessing myself because she reacted SO strongly. I find it hard to believe that someone would react like that under the guise that it’s because she cares about me… especially when I STILL GET EXACTLY WHAT I WANT, just on my first anniversary instead of the day we sign the paperwork. Does she think that now I get two days and she has her one wedding day?
Someone please tell me what you think and how I address it with her when she inevitably calls me back.

Hello, Men of Reddit :)
My boyfriend (27M) has never owned a tie. He also didn't really have a father figure around a lot, or someone to show him how to tie one..
We're invited to a formal wedding in a few weeks, and I wanted to surprise him with a really nice tie as a gift. My dad used to buy ties from Boss and Zegna, but that was in the 80s, and I don't keep up with men's fashion so I don't know what's good anymore lol.
Please could I get your recommendations? What are some good brands? What materials are best? What should I look out for?
I'm okay with a higher price, I want it to be something special. Much appreciated!

Or, how I planned a wedding in four months without losing my mind.
Date: Obvious first question - why plan a wedding in four months? My now-husband proposed on New Years Eve 2023, and we didn't want a long engagement (I'm in my late 30s), so we were always shooting for a 2024 wedding. My in-laws are retired and already had big travel plans on the calendar for June and July, and one of my husband's closest friends is moving out of the country in August, so we decided to target a May wedding.
Priorities: We decided that our priorities, in order, were: (1) a great venue with a beautiful outdoor space for the ceremony, (2) a caterer who would provide excellent food for our guests to enjoy, and (3) a photographer we loved to capture the day. For everything else, our unofficial motto was "Satisfice hard".
Budget: $35,000
Context: We live in a VHCOL area, and we had 52 guests. We ended up bang-on our $35k budget in total.
Venue: $9,150
Included ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception spaces, all tables and chairs, onsite staff during the event to assist with venue-related things as needed, and subsidized event insurance.
Caterer: $9,679 + $1,000 in tips = $10,679
In addition to all of the food for cocktail hour and the reception (including desserts for the desserts table, aside from the cake), the caterer also provided all of the rentals of linens, tableware, and glassware.
Alcohol: $1,100
Purchased from the store separately, and the caterer served.
Photographer: $3,900
The package we chose included an engagement photo shoot and six hours of coverage on the day.
Dress: $2,800 + $650 alterations = $3,450
Includes a $200 rush fee because of how close to the wedding I ordered the dress. The alterations amount includes taking the dress in, shortening the straps, hem, changing out the bra cups, and adding a six-point American bustle. I wore shoes I already owned. [Side note here, I think my husband's suit was $650, but I'm not sure since he charged it to his own card. The rest of wedding expenses I put on my card and then took half out of our joint account.]
Day of Coordinator: $1,530 + $150 tip = $1,680
She really was more like a month-of coordinator, in that she took over most vendor communications a month out. On the day-of, she was there from 3:30p until midnight.
Florist: $900
This included my bouquet, my husband's boutonnière, centerpieces for seven tables, flowers for the cake, and extra loose greenery and florals for the sweetheart table and the serving tables. This amount also included delivery to the venue.
Furniture Rentals: $935
I have a chronic illness and can't stand for long periods of time, so we rented a couch and some chairs to ensure there was seating everywhere. We also rented patio heaters in case it was cold (which it was, so we were glad to have them). Price includes delivery and setup fee.
Cake: $350
This included a small cake for cutting (and serving), cupcakes, and delivery.
Hair & Makeup: $335 (trials and brow threading only)
My mom covered hair and makeup as a gift, so I'm not actually sure what the final total was.
Rings: $1,714
Wedding bands for my husband and I.
Welcome Dinner: $938
We invited immediately family and anyone who was getting on a plane to travel. 18 of the 52 guests attended.
Costs we did NOT incur included:
DJ: We did Spotify playlists instead, and it worked out just fine. We did spend a LOT of time prepping them, though.
Officiant: The friend who introduced us officiated, and it was perfect.
Invitations & Signage: We did digital-only invitations and RSVPs via WithJoy. Escort cards we designed ourselves and printed locally for $18. We made a crossword for guests to do that we printed at home. The venue provided chalkboards for signs directing people at the venue, and we designed and printed a couple of signs for the bar at home as well.
Bridal Party: We didn't have attendants, so didn't have any costs related to bridesmaids or groomsmen.
Transport: The majority of guests were local, and we drove our own car to and from the wedding.
Favors: I've been at lots of weddings and never really remembered the favors, so we skipped them. If we had done them, we would have done cookies and ordered sleeves off Amazon and stickers off Etsy.
Any questions, let me know! I found these posts helpful when I was planning, so hopefully someone will find this useful!

So, my fiance and I have been engaged for
a little over a year. We prioritized
getting a house first over a wedding. I
guess you can say we're house poor. My
fiance and I pooled so much savings in
getting our own place. But, are pretty
happy. Originally we both wanted the
wedding in our backyard this October. My
job loosely interacts with events and for
awhile employees could borrow tables,
chairs, tents, etc for little to no cost.
Unfortunately we've had a change of
management and this is no longer viable.
I scrambled but was lucky to find a local
waterfront restaurant that both of our
families adore and is willing to work
with our budget. No room cost for the
first 3 hours though we sprung for the
extra hour at $300 to get married in the
room. (Mostly because getting married on
the pier would be additional $500.) For
the buffet with tax its about $40 a
person and we aren't having more than 50
people so should be around $2k. The
buffet includes salad, rolls, two
entrees, two sides, non alcoholic drinks,
and brownies/cookies. My fiance and I
will cover two wines, two beers, and the
toast from the bar. Anything else
alcohol wise can be paid cash for by the
guests. The alcohol is a separate tab
based on consumption but as it's a lunch
wedding I'm assuming it'll be a grand or
less.
I've had trouble finding a dress and am
waiting for the 4th one to come in. I
really want it to be perfect. We live in
a pretty rural area and our only
malls/wedding boutiques are at least an
hour away. Most of them in pretty bad
areas where shootings, robbieries, etc
are common. The first two dresses ordered
online from Dillard's and Kohls just
didn't fit.(One was navy with gold stars
and the other was white but with 3d
flowers.) The 3rd dress from Macy's would
of been perfect it fit but was covered
in stains even though 'new'.(It was my
favorite from the ones I ordered. I
always wanted a yellow dress it was
simple but had embroidered flowers on
the shoulders.) Sadly Macy's ran out of
the dress in my size. So,my most recent
order is from Lulu's
https://www.lulus.com/products/glamorous-sweetie-yellow-burnout-tie-strap-bustier-midi-dress/2365131.html
My soon to be husband's suit for reference
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-6423483/mens-opposuits-suitmeister-sugar-skull-purple-suit.jsp
We are going for Halloween themed and
even had to direct my dad on what was
appropriate. Basically, my mom passed a
few years ago so it's hard for me to
justify traveling for a dress. My dad
married a very lovely woman. My dad
adores we want to do our wedding close to
Halloween. Found a tasteful suit jacket
that only if you look close has prints of
skulls. But, he wanted to 'surprise'
stepmom with a dress. Adore dad but his
idea of 'tasteful' was dresses like one
with skeleton middle fingers on the chest
of the dress. Thankfully, I steered him
to something more step mom would like
with my excuse/truth is my finance's dad
is pretty conservative. My dad is also
bringing cake as my step mom's best
friend is a professional baker and he also gave us money for a deposit for the
wedding.(It was a 'birthday' gift but I
still want dad to feel heard.) So, I
really really didn't want to cause
conflict.
Anyways I got my invitations for $40
making postcards on vista print, free
website using withjoy, $6 envelopes, $12
stickers for both wedding invitations and
thank you notes, and $12 on thank you
notes.
We're still fumbling on a photographer
and I wanted advice on how to secure
one. I keep getting pulled along with my
work about potential ones because again
loose relations to events. But, about to
cut strings again. And if this dress
doesn't work out what I should do next?
Should I make the drive? Thank you so
much for reading. I just don't really
know who to talk too about this as my
honey is just giving me free reign.
(Though he laughed at his suit. We both
have laborious jobs so I never seen him
in a suit and he rarely sees me in a
dress. It was more of 'are you sure honey
that's what you want?' His only
concerns has been food and he picked an
entree so he's happy 😁 )

Part 14B
The massage starts with Ella feeling strange. She’s tense and anxious, but not because of anything the two massage therapists do. They are very professional. She’s just not used to people touching her so matter-of-factly. The masseuse working on Ella - Leslie - starts with her feet, and surprisingly Ella doesn’t instinctively kick her. Ella is very ticklish, but something about Leslie makes it so Ella isn’t. Leslie’s hands are soft, warm, and stronger than they look. Her touches are purposeful, and once she adds oil to her practice, it feels as if she’s rubbing stress out from Ella’s very bones.
It’s only when Leslie has undone every single knot of tension in Ella’s calves, back and shoulders that Ella realises how sore she actually was. The worst offender is Ella’s neck. It takes actual effort not to moan when Leslie works on those muscles.
Thinking of moaning has Ella snapping her eyes open and glancing towards Damian. He’s looking just as mellow as Ella feels, with May working on his back. He’s staring at Ella with half lidded eyes and a languid smile. It takes Ella’s breath away.
How long has he been staring at Ella? Did she actually make noise and is that why he’s staring? The mortification has Ella closing her eyes again. And it has her tensing her back again, which makes Leslie click her tongue at her. She slides her hands down Ella’s spine in such a way that her entire body turns into a pile of goop. There’s no brain power left to think about Damian next to her.
“Alright, that’s time for today.” Ella snaps awake at the sudden words from Leslie. She fell asleep! Ella puts her hand next to her chest, ready to push herself up and apologise, but Leslie softly pats her on the back. “Don’t worry, miss. It’s a compliment if a client falls asleep on me. Please relax and get up on your own time. The room is yours until you are ready.”
Ella feels herself flush all the way to her toes - but that might just be because she can actually feel her entire body being loose and relaxed. It’s making her sensitive to every sensation right now. Leslie and May leave, the door clicking closed softly behind them, and Damian’s side of the room is filled with rustling. Ella glances his way just in time to see one buttcheek before he ties the towel around his waist again. It is a shapely buttcheek that will appear in her dreams for weeks to come.
“Do you want to go to the sauna? Or are you relaxed enough as is?” Ella can just hear Damian’s smirk. She still looks up to see it. Her brain is still sluggish from sleep, but it’s fast enough to conjure up images of him inside a small wooden room, covered in a sheen of sweat, staring at her with a cocky smirk. Or maybe that soft smile from earlier. It’s both incredibly mouthwatering and entirely inappropriate. Ella needs a cold shower.
“I’d rather just shower and lay down some.” In your bed. Damn it! Ella chastises her filthy brain as she clumsily gets up, trying to keep herself covered with the towel.
Damian shrugs in answer, and grabs two red bathrobes from the cupboard. “The shower down here is abysmal. You can take the one in my guestroom.”
Ella accepts the bathrobe and puts it on over her towel without thinking. Then she stalls. “Wait. I’m not walking through this entire building in nothing but a robe.”
Damian looks at her with a confused frown. “Why not?”
Ella stares back just as confused. “It’s indecent.”
“You’re completely covered.”
“Not underneath the robe.” Ella clutches the robe closer.
“No one is going to see anything under your robe. I don’t understand the problem here.”
“I don’t want to run around in a bathrobe where rich people can just gawk at me.” Ella can’t bare to look at Damian. So she stares at the floor beneath her feet.
“You only have to cross the hall. Once we’re in the lift, nobody’s going to get in with us.” Damian’s comforting drawl sounds like a whisper in her ear, even though he’s three feet away. Ella wants to smile at him and agree. But then she remembers she’s naked under her robe.
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes I do. The lifts are private. Once they’re going, they don’t stop. Besides, chances are very slim we’ll see anyone on the way to the lifts. It’s not even 20 feet.”
Ella hesitates for a moment longer. She feels tacky from the oil, and she does not want to ruin her clothes. She can deal with a quick 20 feet.
They don’t meet anyone in the hallway, and the elevator doesn’t stop on the way to Damian’s apartment - which is on the top floor. He’s living in the penthouse. Of course he is. How does he pay for all of this? Damian exits the elevator first, into a smaller entrance hall. There’s only one door, which Damian opens with a keycard. Ella can’t take it anymore. She has to know. “What do you actually do for a living?”
Damian freezes and slowly looks at her with a deep frown. “Did you not see me in Uncle's business room?” His tone and look are more than enough to make Ella feel like an idiot.
Ella flushes and looks away from him. “Well, yes… but I thought you were a low level guy or something, because your uncle basically-” - whored you out. Ella stops herself before she actually utters the words. She motions between them instead.
Damian throws her a cocky grin and opens his door. “No. I’m the one who deals with the higher class clients. You need a certain flair to do that, which most ‘mooks’ don’t have." He even does one handed quotation marks around the word mooks. Huh. That explains why he got sent with her. The Bocelli’s are as high class as you get.
Ella follows him through the door into an apartment that comes straight from a luxury magazine. Wide open spaces, pale colours, expensive furniture, and an absence of all signs of anyone living here. The outside walls are covered in floor to ceiling windows, and the view really is an amazing perk. She could sit in the plush armchair in front of the windows for hours, just staring outside and never getting bored of it.
“Are you coming?” Ella is startled out of her reverie by Damian calling to her from one of his hallways. He leads her to the last door on the left. “This is my guest room. You can shower in here.” Ella passes him into the room. From the corner of her eye, she catches him starting to smirk. “Unless you want to join me in mine.”
A naked and wet Damian in a small enclosed place? Yes, please. Ella shakes the thought off, and scoffs at Damian. “No thank you. This is -” The guest room is just as simple as the rest of the place, and just as subtly opulent. The four poster bed is calling to her with its softness and its silk sheets. Ella walks over to it - there’s space to actually walk in this bedroom - and runs a hand over the soft curtains. “This is more than fine.”
Damian smiles at her. “Your loss. There should be towels in there. Feel free to use anything and everything you find in there. I’ll be waiting in the sitting room when I’m done.”
After Ella thanks him again, he leaves her alone. Ella glances around at the wide open space of his guestroom. He must have thought her apartment was so pathetic. It could probably fit inside this room in its entirety. With a sigh, Ella goes towards the fancy bathroom. Damian is good at hiding his scorn, unlike her mother. But there is no way he doesn’t think less of her now that he’s seen her place.
That’s just fine. Ella can deal with this feeling of inadequacy. She can deal with it better than the creeping attraction that’s been building inside of her. Knowing just how big of a difference there is between her and Damian makes it a lot easier to ignore her emotions. This is only a business deal, and it’s time Ella stopped forgetting it.

We've been married for over a decade, but at some point I found out he'd been cheating on me for 3 years with an ex (his first love who's parents didn't let them get married) she tried to break up our wedding and his whole family kept that a secret from me up until the affair had revealed. To keep it short a lot of shit went down and she said some really vicious and awful things to me. She absolutely hated me and thought I didn't deserve her man, that I'm ugly and I smell and so much other stuff. We ended up staying together, for the kids. I'm still healing and don't think the love will ever be the same for my husband, but I chose to forgive and maintain normalcy for the sake of my kids. Things are going ok. However I was informed by a mutual friend that the woman passed away a few days ago (we are all under 35 so it's definitely kind of shocking) and the person who told me knows the hell I went thru and the emotional turmoil (but they've never been cheated on so they'd never really know how it feels) and is going on about how bizarre it is and they feel terrible and asking me if I'm ok. I'm not sure if the purpose is to illicit a reaction from me or if they're genuinely concerned? I have no emotional ties to this woman nor do I feel I ower her anything. He found out this mornijg and said something like well you're probably not sad... i was like if you had left me for her and received such news would you expect her to be sad for me? AITA for not being devastated or even really that upset? He literally left the house leaving me with two screaming kids to make a private phone call to her brother in law to find out what happened, is that not supposed to get under my skin?

Obligatory the actual fuck-up happened last night but situation has been brewing for longer.
My friend and I look like we've got similar ethnic backgrounds (he's Latino but people think he's Thai, I'm actually half Thai). Several people have asked us if we're related. It started off as an inside joke between us that we actually were related, half-siblings who shared the same deadbeat dad when in reality, I've only known my friend for three years. Then he'd actually start telling new people we met that he was my brother, even our mutual friends were in on it. I didn't really mind because it was a funny, low-stakes and decently believable kind of lie and I didn't see any harm in pranking people I was barely if ever going to see again. We'd establish a timeline of when and where "our" dad met our mothers, when they each broke up, that we grew up together as siblings, my mother then married my "step-father" (who's actually my real dad), I memorized some names of "our" cousins and other relatives etc; we basically made up alternative lore for ourselves as a joke. He even tricked some flings and short-term partners - I never liked straight-up lying to them when we hung out together, but I didn't want to spoil the fun and given my friend's track record, he usually wouldn't be dating them for long anyway so they probably weren't going to find out we were lying. As far as I know, all of his exes that I've met still think we're blood-related but again, I don't mind that much since I have no interest in being acquainted with them anymore, as shitty as it still feels.
Fast forward to about eight months ago, my friend had started dating someone new and introduced me as his sibling. He'd apparently already told her about me and our "backstory" beforehand, she seemed to buy it. I didn't think much of it until he kept bringing her to hangouts and it became clear they were getting serious, by then I'd grown increasingly uncomfortable with lying to my friend's girlfriend. What made it worse was that she 1) was super nice, we got along really well and they seemed great together, 2) kept making references to the "fact" that we were siblings (e.g. "I'd never talk about that with my siblings but that just shows how close the two of you are") and I felt really shitty for never disputing any of these "facts". I never told her any made-up stories from our childhood or anything like that, but I still felt like an asshole for being part of a prank that had gone on for way too long. Although I'd keep nudging my friend to let the cat out of the bag, he'd craft more and more elaborate lies to keep up the ruse, promising to tell her eventually.
They've been together for about eight months now. Last night, my partner and I met them at a bar to catch up over some drinks. We had a good time until my friend's girlfriend again made innocent references to a family gathering and "our" relatives. As always, I tried to minimize the lying/stick to lying by omission ("I don't really know them that well"). She suspected nothing but my friend chimed in with some embellishments that tied in with pre-established lore of how I'd had a big fight with some of the cousins or some shit, I think that's what really got me. I'd already felt like shit for playing along with these lies for months, but I really felt like it had gone too far now. I didn't want her to feel dumb for falling for something so incredibly plausible and unlikely to be untrue, I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't trust someone she clearly cared a lot about. Honestly I felt tempted so often to just tell her myself, but I thought it would mean more if it came from him. So when she got up to go to the restroom, I pulled my friend aside and urged him to tell her the truth because I didn't want to lie any longer. The longer he waited, the more it would hurt her. My partner agreed. To my surprise, he told her almost immediately. They were out of earshot for me and my partner but we could tell she was clearly upset. She returned, understandably pissed off, I apologized for being dishonest with her for so long. She insisted that she wasn't mad at me, then stormed outside. I joined her, we talked for a while, she didn't blame me and said she wouldn't break up with my friend over this but still felt hurt for being lied to and was starting to wonder what else he'd lied to her about.
I know she needs time to cool off and things will probably work out between them, but I still feel like I fucked up. For keeping up a lie for so long, for not telling her from the start, for agreeing to this whole thing at all. I'm afraid both of them might now hold some resentment towards me - him for "spoiling the fun", her for being complicit. I don't want this to snowball into something bigger and possibly end their relationship after all, I feel like an immature dick and kind of a shitty person for being able to lie for this long, but I'm glad this shit is finally off my chest and I don't have to keep it up anymore.
TL;DR: friend and I look kind of similar so we started telling people we're half-siblings. kept up the ruse with elaborate lies to his girlfriend for eight months, he told her the truth last night but it might have ruined their relationship

I am not OP. That is u/Diligent-Mix-150 who posted to AmItheAsshole and u/wedding-hijacker-412 who posted to weddingdrama
AITA for not letting my fiancée’s best friend be in our wedding? May 18th, 2024
u/Diligent-Mix-150
I (26M) proposed to my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years last month. She obviously said yes and we’ve been working on wedding details (ex: save the dates/invitations, venue, caterer…etc) since. We got to talking about who we would want in our wedding because she wanted to do a special “proposal” to her side of the wedding court, and she said she wanted to have her best friend since childhood be her “maid” of honor.
The thing is, her childhood best friend is a guy (24M). They lived on the same street when they were kids and have been friends since. My fiancée and I met in college and her friend was there too, so I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known her. At first I didn’t really like him because he was always hanging around her, but after she and I started dating and I was forced to be around him more I kinda started to tolerate him.
He and my fiancée saw each other a lot, but he and I have never really hung out one-on-one before. One time when we were left alone together he tried to get all tough and did the “if you ever break her heart i swear…” corny threat talk. He’s a small dude so it made me laugh more than intimidate me. After that I got the feeling this was a situation where he liked her but she didn’t know.
I asked my fiancée if she and him ever had feelings for each other, and she said no, then let me know he was gay. I’m not homophobic or anything, so it’s not like I don’t want him in the wedding because of that, it’s just that I think it would be better if her side of t party was all girls. She and him already did everything together, not including him in our wedding wouldn’t hurt their friendship.
I told her that and she got defensive, saying that if I could have a girl in my side of the party (the girl being my older sister who practically raised me), she could have a guy. I said that it was a different circumstance, and that I wouldn’t allow her best friend to be her man of honor. She got really mad and said it was her wedding too, then stormed out. I got a text from her sister a few hours later saying she had gone to her parents house and told them what I had said.
They thought I was being an asshole because I never liked her friend and am threatened by him. I have tried to talk to my fiancée since she left but she hasn’t returned my calls or texts. I really love her, and I don’t want to loose her. I just dont want her best friend to be a part of our day. AITA?
edit: It’s come to my attention in a previous comment I made, I have created the worlds thinnest argument. I said that my fiancée made was unwillingly to compromise on things such as the groomsmen’s neck pieces and blazers, and as such I was in the right to be unwilling to compromise about her best friend. I stated in a few other posts that there were other things she didn’t want to compromise on, and someone suggested I make a list so here it is:
1.) When we were deciding our wedding date and location, she wanted to do it in spring in an open field. I wasn’t onboard with this as I have terrible allergies and spring is when it’s at its worst. She shot down any alternative I gave her (alternatives being things done closer to summer or in summer) and said it was Spring or nothing. So we went with spring
2.) Instead of going with a DJ like I suggestion who could play a mix of her favorite, my favorite, and general upbeat dance music, she said that she really wanted a live band that specialized in her favorite genre. I asked if we could just give the DJ a longer list of her songs in her favorite genre and tell him to pick from the list often, but she said no and that a live band was going to be better. So we went with the band
3.) In my culture there is a few traditional wedding ceremonies that I wanted us to partake in. Some included a kind of “parade” that leads the groom and his family to the brides house where they present her and her family gifts, a hair cutting ceremony (I made sure to tell her her actual hair would NOT be cut), and finally a knot tying ceremony where the guests wish us a long happy marriage. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with these ceremonies, and said they would be too much time and effort, since it would be like having two weddings. I tried fighting for these more than the others, but she was firm on doing things traditionally.
4.) She wanted the groomsmen to wear bow ties and blazers even though I wanted the necktie and no blazer look
5.) She changed the color scheme from the originally agreed upon black, gold, maroon, and forest green to pink (or i think it was rose), yellow, white, and pastel blue because the decorations would look better in the field. When I said we already printed invitations with the previous colors on them, she said we could throw those out and get reprints.
Added Comments
Commenter
I really hope this is a rage bait post. To not be able to see the hypocrisy in having his sister (whom he’s known his whole life) on his side, but DEMAND that she not have her male best friend of decades on hers is absolutely insane. If I were the fiancé, I’d call the whole thing off because OP’s empathetic skills are clearly nonexistent.
OP

The difference is I’d be having legitimate family in my party. Somebody who, like I said, has practically raised me and has been there for me since birth who I want by my side. I know you can argue that her and her best friend are “technically” family with how long they’ve known each other, but that doesn’t actually make them family

Commenter
It’s her wedding as well so he is family to her. Don’t worry. You won’t have a fiancé anymore at this rate
OP

he’s not legitimate family, so it really doesn’t count. he can be included in her family section of the guests that doesn’t matter. but breaking it down and splitting the hairs, he’s not biologically family

Commenter
YTA. It’s obvious that you have a huge chip on your shoulder about your fiancé’s best friend just because he’s a guy, so now you’re using this “girls only” thing to get him out of the way. Also, “girls?” You’re not in high school going to prom. You’re getting married. They’re women. You’re sexist and jealous and seem way too immature to be getting married. I hope she sees you for what you are and gets away from you
OP

I don’t understand why everyone so hung up on my verbiage. Aren’t women also girls? Are they not one and the same? I’m not trying to get him out of the way for any sexist reason either. It’s just more traditional if she chooses all women to which she agreed upon in the past. She only started thinking about having him in her party after I said I wanted my sister

Commenter

Then why are you not traditional and picking only men for your party. Hypocritical much? Insecure and prob lost your fiancé. YTA

OP

i’m breaking the tradition for someone who is family. someone who has a right to be up their with me on one of the best days of my life

OP
if she had a brother and wished for him to be her man of honor i would agree in a heartbeat. breaking tradition for family i can understand but breaking it for a friend is a little much. im just not comfortable with that
Update May 19th, 2024
wedding-hijacker-412
I (24F) was recently engaged to my (26M) fiancé after 6 years together. We got into a fight a couple of days ago because he wouldn’t let me ask my guy best friend (24M) who I’ve known since we were kids, be my man of honor. I ended up walking out and went to stay with my parents for a few days. I told them what happened and they agreed that he was way out of line.
I went back earlier today after I thought he had enough time to calm down and when I came home he looked glad to see me. He apologized for stepping out of line and I said it was fine and that we still had time to ask my best friend to be in the wedding. He kind of looked down then said that we should call everything off. This really surprised me and I immediately said no.
He then admitted that while I was gone he posted to AITA about what had happened and that even though he was deemed the controlling AH, he also realized that I was one because I had basically hijacked the wedding planning. I asked how he could think that and he pointed out how I chose to have the wedding in spring even though that’s a bad time for him and that I changed up the wedding color scheme and what his groomsmen would be wearing without talking with him first.
I said that those were practically minor things and we didn’t have to call off the wedding for it. Then he said I was insensitive for rejecting his cultures traditional wedding ceremonies and didn’t even considering doing them. He had brought to my attention some traditional ceremonies people do at weddings in his culture, and while I appreciated him bringing it up to me, I decided against doing it because it wouldn’t fit the vibe of the traditional wedding I wanted.
I told him I only wanted to do a traditional American wedding and that he already agreed with me that that’s what we were doing. Then he said that me having my guy best friend be my best man was untraditional. I pointed out I let him have his sister be part of his wedding party because he wanted some part of his family included, and that since he was breaking the tradition so could I.
He got really sad and looked like he was about to cry and said that me breaking the tradition was like a slap in the face after I rejected his traditions, and that I just didn’t respect his culture at all. That is not the case at all I greatly respect his culture. I told him I understood how mean it sounded but it’s my wedding too so I get a say in what we do. He kind of laughed and got up and said he wanted to take a break and left.
I dont know what to do I don’t want to call off the wedding at all. I tried to find his reddit post but I think he was using a throw away, though granted I am too. I love him so much and I want to be with him for the rest of our lives. I don’t know how we’ll get through this.
Added comments
Commenter
I don't know if you two are compatible
OP

Up until this point I would have disagreed with you. When we met in college we were studying the same thing so we crossed paths often. We became friends and found we have a lot in common in terms of interests and lifestyle, and we had a great relationship up until the proposal. We’ve talked about marriage before and we seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things. I don’t know where it changed

Commenter
sounds like you are controlling and you. brushed off his complaints as no big deal. If the date, groomsmen outfit and color scheme are minor details, than they shouldn’t have been changed. Disregarding his family traditions is a major detail and if you are willing to disregard them for a wedding, how does he know you won’t for other events? The wedding is one day, if you don’t let him have a say in that, he’s right to take a break and reconsider.
OP

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ll be honest and tell you that I haven’t celebrated a lot of his cultural events besides New Years (he’s Cambodian and they celebrate their New Years in April I believe). He and his family had a falling out after he started dating me (his family didn’t approve of a foreigner), and only recently have they reconnected. His sister though was different she didn’t care I was American, and she stuck by his side as his only family member.
I guess I disregarded the traditions in the first place because he never immersed me in his culture enough because he kind of cut ties with that side of himself. I was uncomfortable with the idea of being surrounded by his family that doesn’t particularly like me during the ceremonies, as both his parents and my parents would be involved. I didn’t want to feel like an outsider on our wedding day

Commenter
I think your ex is right. You haven’t considered his preferences and in fact you minimize his requests (calling them “practically minor”) and aren’t respecting his cultural traditions. It sounds like you’re more interested in a wedding than an actual relationship and marriage.
OP

Of course I’m interested in the wedding. I’ve been dreaming of my own since I was a child. But I don’t value it more than I value my relationship with him. We didn’t get that far into the planning but for our honeymoon I was going to suggest going somewhere he and I have always talked about going to. We would have eventually gotten to a place where more of his ideas would be acdepted

commenter

Babes, you literally chose your wedding over your fiance. You broke up because of plans for the wedding. You broke up because you couldn't compromise anything you wanted for anything he wanted.

You chose the wedding over the marriage.
commenter
I read his post yesterday and yours today... YOU BOTH SUCK. I think he wouldn't have put up the stink about your male best friend being in your party if you hadn't been so controlling, but that's moot because you're incredibly controlling and don't understand/care.
You are selfish and self-centered. You seem to think only your tastes and desires matter for your wedding, forgetting that your groom is a person and not just a prop at your wedding. The fact that you even say "let him include his sister" is grounds to break up with you in my opinion.
Neither of you are mature enough to marry from the little bit you have each written. In both of your posts you both sound fairly unpleasant to be around but you are definitely the harsher of the two. He's a whiner and you are Attila the Hun. Both of you need to grow up and learn what's actually important in life: how to grow together.
Don't get married, mature first.
OP

do you happen to have the link? i’d like to read what he said

OP was linked to the original post and the amithedevil post
Update: My wedding may be off part 2 - Final June 1st, 2024
Weddinghijacker
It’s been two weeks since I posted about my wedding situation. I apologize for not answering very many of your comments on the first post. The post was intended to just talk about the situation, but it quickly turned into a mini AITA discussion, which was absolutely the farthest thing that I wanted to happen. Due to the stress and severity of everything, I had to unplug. The comments and private messages were getting to me and the messages from friends and family who caught word of the situation became overwhelming.
That being said, I got around to reading the comments after a week or so, but didn’t have the effort to say anything until now. A lot of you said I was controlling, manipulative, selfish, and racist. I can understand being called the first three, but racist genuinely hurt. I didn’t realize my actions came across as racist, but I see now how that could be assumed of me. I don’t know what to say to prove that I’m not racist, but I know that even if I did it probably wouldn’t change any minds. I’ve begun to research more on the wedding ceremonies, and just Cambodian culture as a whole, something I realize I should have done years ago.
I promise you that the decisions I made and the unfortunately “vetoed” decisions from my boyfriend all came from a place that thought it was going to be best for both of us. But like a lot of you said, it was still wrong of me to completely dismiss him and his ideas. I admit I was being stubborn about a lot of things that would have been easy to compromise on. I guess I was looking at everything through rose tinted glasses and thought that everything would just fall into place in my favor because I wanted it to. I should have heard him out more and taken his words seriously.
Additionally, a few of you called me and my fiancé out for being rage baiters and even being the same person just using different accounts. I can see how that would seem like the case, since I made this account a day after his throwaway was deleted, but I promise it was just a coincidence. I created a throwaway since my main account has content that can be traced to my other socials, and I didn’t want anyone harassing me in my DM’s or other comment sections. I think someone also brought up the fact that this account is linked to another one that has posts about being divorced? I’m not sure what that’s about.
I read the AITA post that he created and, if I can be honest, I thought it was terribly done. He made his initial post about my best friend and how he wasn’t “comfortable” with him being in the wedding, indicating that even on a minuscule level, he was uncomfortable with my friend. In the 6 years they’ve known each other he has never once voiced or shown any discomfort for him. I don’t know if he was using him as a scapegoat or what. His comments started to change the tune of the post and it started to become a “I’m not comfortable with the guy best friend” vs. “Actually, I’m being taken advantage of” type of thing. It was all so weirdly done, and his comments seemed rude and argumentative. People were judging him based on the initial question as the forum intended, but then he started to tell the rest of the story to try and gain favor or something.
But, I digress. Moving onto the actual update, my boyfriend and I had a talk a few days ago. He was home when I came back from work and it looked like he was packing some of his stuff. I asked if this meant that we were officially over, and he said he didn’t know. I asked if we could talk about it, and he said sure. I apologized to him for how I was acting and that I shouldn’t have been so controlling with the planning. I also apologized for rejecting his culture and said that I didn’t do it with malice. He asked why I really rejected the ceremonies and I told him how I wasn’t comfortable with his parents, since there was still tension between us.
He explained that they were trying to be okay with me, but what I did just made it harder. I told him I read his post and asked if he really didn’t feel comfortable around my best friend. He was kind of iffy on that, saying yes and no before saying he didn’t mind him as a person, but he was still someone he didn’t know. He offered to apologize to him since he figured I told him about what he said when I left to my parent’s house, which I did, and I said I would appreciate that. We got quiet and I asked again if he wanted to officially break up. He said he wanted to cancel the wedding, but that he didn’t want to break up permanently yet. I felt the same way, so we talked some more, and eventually agreed to go back to dating.
This may not be the outcome a lot of you wanted, since it seemed like you were all rooting for him to kick me to the curb, but I still love him and he still loves me. We’re cancelling all of the wedding plans and looking into couples counseling. And, as a promise to each other that we’re going to change, he’s going to make an effort in befriending my best friend, and I’m going to be seeing his family more and participating in/observing more cultural events. This is the last post I will make from this account. I just want to move forward and rebuild with him.
TL;DR: We broke off the engagement, but we’re still together.
I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

DC Next presents:

NEW GOTHAM KNIGHTS

In Fly on the Wall
Issue Six: Caught in a Web
Written by GemlinTheGremlin
Edited by ClaraEclair
 
Next Issue > Coming Soon
 
 
Duke slid his hands across the canvas, unfolding the ragged edges of the material against the cold metal table beneath it. Barbara Gordon inched closer to it in her chair and fiddled with her glasses. It had been nearly a week since the team had managed to secure the painting from the attempted robbery at the Ross Gallery, and they were no closer to any lead. Security footage from the gallery showed them no new information, and leads as to the assailants identity all lead to dead ends. The run in was apparently enough to scare the masked robber off, though; no art thefts had been reported since that day.
As she stepped away from the computer, huffing in frustration, Harper folded her arms. “No signs of anything out of the ordinary on the infrared.”
Babs bit her nails. “Right. The computer is just finalising the results of the paint sample we took. If that comes back negative… well, it’s not looking hopeful.”
Analysing the painting itself had been Luke’s idea, and yet when it came time to enact his request, he was nowhere to be seen. This fact was apparent to all in attendance, and so tension was thick in the air as the remaining quartet surrounded the table. Jace had remained quiet for much of their time in the Belfry, which - while somewhat disappointing - was not a surprise to any of them. He and Luke had barely spoken without their masks on, and even when they did, it was to plan their next moves and never to talk about anything deeper, with not so much as a “Thank you” or a “How are you today, by the way?” from either party. In fact, Jace had barely said either of these things - or anything close to their effect - to any of them.
So when Jace turned to everyone and said “When was the lead pencil invented?”, there was a moment of confused silence that followed.
“I would guess the 1800s or so,” Harper said slowly. As she turned to look at him, she noticed that he was staring down at a computer screen. “Why?”
Jace stepped towards the painting, leaning over it, and squinted. “When was this painted?”
Babs pushed her wheelchair towards the computer that had caught Jace’s attention and paused. “Oh, very interesting.”
“What is it?” Duke asked.
“If we’re assuming this is an original, and that the information from the gallery is correct, this was painted right in the middle of the Baroque period.”
“‘Assuming’ it’s an original?”
“Well, that’s the thing. When did you say the modern lead pencil was invented, Harper?” Babs primed her hands, ready to type her question into the search engine.
“I mean, the 1800s, but I’m not certain–”
“1795,” Babs corrected, sitting back in disbelief. “Nice work, Jace. 1795!”
“Wait, did you say Baroque?” Harper asked, the pieces slowly slotting together.
“Exactly,” Babs confirmed. “The Baroque period ended before the lead pencil was invented.” She pressed a key on her printer and, after an obedient whirr from the machine, a sheet of paper was released. Babs took a pen, circling something on it, before wheeling towards the table in the centre. “So tell me why there’s notable amounts of graphite in the sample.”
Harper’s eyes flicked down to the painting. There was the final puzzle piece.
Babs pulled herself closer to the table and opened a drawer, pulling out a single bat-shaped object with one sharpened edge. She fiddled with it in her hands for a moment, hesitant. Then, as she passed the small Batarang to Harper, she smiled. “See if you can chip away at the paint. Try not to cut the canvas.”
“Are… are you sure?” Harper frowned as she stared down at the painting. “I thought you said this was the original. Aren’t they usually worth a lot?”
“I said we were assuming it’s an original. Maybe we were wrong to assume.”
Harper analysed the edge of the blade, then rolled her shoulders. As she leaned forwards to chip away at the paint, Babs turned to Duke, failing to hide the triumph in her face. “Try to get a hold of Luke. He deserves to see how his idea pans out.”
 
🔵⚫️🦇⚫️🔵
 
As Luke Fox pounded his fist against the front door of the Blake family home, he straightened his jacket. It was bad enough that he had to postpone meeting with his team, but after some poorly-executed time management, he found himself almost half an hour late to a gettogether between his family and the Blakes. He sucked in his breath, hiding how out of breath he was, as someone fiddled with the locks on the other side of the door. Then, as the door swung open, the warm smile of Charlotte Blake greeted him.
“Lucas! We were starting to think you wouldn’t bother,” she teased.
“Sorry, Mrs Blake, I was–”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry. We’ve just started serving up. Come on inside.” Charlotte left the door open ajar for Luke, who caught it and allowed himself inside. It had only been a few months since he had stepped foot inside the Blakes’ home, and yet so much had changed. The hallway walls had a fresh coat of cream-coloured paint, the once yellowed carpet was now a pristine white, and there were numerous bouquets of flowers dotted throughout the room. It all felt so clean, so… clinical, almost.
Luke found himself in the dining room through muscle memory, and inside were the remaining members of the Blake household sitting around a table, with his father at one end next to an empty chair. They appeared to be laughing about something - pointing to each other, tapping their hands on the table in joy, undulating back and forth. As Luke walked in, they all turned to face him, and the laughing slowed. Luke felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. Then, after an agonising moment of silence, his father held out his hand towards an empty chair and grinned.
“Ah, Luke, come sit, you’re just on time.”
Luke slowly exhaled. He hadn’t quite realised until now how tense he was, and as he grabbed hold of the chair his father had assigned to him, he felt his arms weaken. He pulled himself into the seat and fixed his tie. “So, uh, what was everyone laughing about?”
Charlotte Blake approached him with a bottle of wine, the text in a language Luke didn’t read. Luke politely declined.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Would probably bore you anyway.”
“It bored me,” Evan teased quietly, locking eyes with Luke across the table. Relief washed over him at the sight of his friend; maybe tonight wouldn’t be so nerve-wracking after all.
As the last member of the Blake family took her seat, Peter gestured to the steaming pots of food in the centre of the table and announced, “Dig in, everyone!”
While the others dived forwards to scoop out various meats or rice dishes, Luke let his eyes wander around the room. Intricate paintings dotted across the walls, a variety of eras on show. Many of the pieces were spotless with immaculately carved wooden frames holding them in place, but curiously there were a number of paintings that had gathered a thick layer of dust along each edge.
“Oh!” Charlotte exclaimed, catching Luke’s attention. “I’ve forgotten the salad! Evan, would you mind…?”
Evan looked sheepishly at his mother. There was a beat of silence. “Why can’t you go?”
“I’ve just sat down,” Charlotte said defensively. “Besides, your father and I made all this. The least you can do is get the salad out of the fridge.”
“It– It’s alright, Evan,” Luke stammered, rising from his seat. “I’ll get the–”
“Luke, please sit, you’re our guest.” Charlotte looked at her son with a twinge of confusion and frustration. “Evan.” The wall-mounted clock ticked rhythmically. Somewhere in the early Gotham evening, a dog barked.
“Fine,” Evan said, rising from his chair. He placed his napkin on the table and huffed as he started to walk away. Luke watched Evan’s face remain stern as he limped away into the kitchen. Evan wasn’t usually the type to argue with his mother, let alone at the dinner table, but something seemed–
Wait, ‘limped’?
Luke blinked. He had heard that Evan was an athletic type - frankly, it’s all his parents would talk about, besides antiques - but none of them had mentioned anything that could warrant an injury. In fact, Evan seemed fine less than a week ago. Perhaps he had simply tripped on the way home from work, Luke concluded. But something nagged at him in the back of his mind, a thread that seemed far-fetched but was begging to be pulled. Luke shook his head and looked down at the plates of food. Suddenly, he realised he wasn’t hungry; however, not wishing to be rude, he picked a ladle at random and began scooping the chilli-like dish onto his plate.
“Here’s your salad,” Evan announced unenthusiastically to his mother, passing it to her as he returned to his chair. His awkward gait confirmed Luke’s suspicion.
“What happened to your leg?” Luke asked, raising a forkful of seasoned beef up to his mouth. Evan paused.
“Hm?”
“Your leg. You were limping.”
Evan looked down at his own leg. “Oh, yeah. It’s a stupid story, actually. I’m training for a gymnastics competition, and I…” Evan demonstrated someone attempting a backflip and falling awkwardly on their leg through hand signals. “Yeah.”
Luke shook his head. “That’s not stupid.”
“We keep telling him that,” Peter interjected, suddenly defensive. “But I think he’s embarrassed about it.”
“He is embarrassed, yes,” Evan continued. “Because I’m usually so good at that sort of trick, but I botched it.”
“It happens to even the best athletes, Evan,” Lucius soothed. “You’ve just gotta learn from what you did that time, and… you know, improve on it for next time.” Luke could tell his father was somewhat out of his element - he wasn’t really the advice type.
“So what’s the extent of the injury?”
Peter chuckled awkwardly. “Oh, I don’t know if that’s dinner conversation. Not while we’re eating, anyway.”
Luke furrowed his brow. “Why not?”
“Talking about injuries while we’re enjoying a meal? I mean, it just doesn’t seem–”
“It’s alright, Dad,” Evan interrupted. “I pulled my calf muscle. It feels kinda weird to walk on it, but it doesn’t hurt that bad.”
Luke nodded.
“But talk about a wound,” Peter continued, a strange kind of wonder in his eyes. “I mean, I’d never seen anything like it.”
“I thought you said this wasn’t dinner conversation,” Evan frowned.
“Well… well, no, I suppose it isn’t. But we’re talking about it now. Might as well get it out of the way.”
“I mean, besides, a sprained muscle is hardly gonna put you off your food, right?”
“It’s less the sprain and more the…” Peter trailed off. Luke leaned forwards.
“The what?”
“Dad, I told you, it’s just from where I hit the mat. Those things are harder than they look.”
Peter turned reluctantly to Luke. “He says when he hit the mat, he got this… I mean, you should see it, Luke, it’s remarkable. It almost looks like some kind of burn, or like a bullseye. Big red friction burn in the middle, and a bunch of redness all up his leg. Crazy.”
Luke looked at Evan. He’d suddenly gone quiet, looking down and moving a single cherry tomato from one side of his plate to the other absentmindedly. A shiver ran down Luke’s spine as he thought back to the incident at the Ross Gallery. A thief, painting in hand, running for the exit. Luke firing off a blast from his suit and catching the assailant in the leg. The assailant screaming and dropping the painting before taking off into the night. The thread had been pulled.
Luke's phone vibrated in his pocket. He chose to ignore it.
“Did you…” Luke scrambled to find a question. “Did you go to the doctor about it?”
Evan shook his head, his eyes still locked on his plate. “Nah. I can walk, that’s all that matters.”
“Will you still be able to compete?”
Silence.
“How far away is the competition?”
Evan shook his head. Luke’s heart was in his throat.
“It’s… it’s not gonna happen. I was one of the favourites to win as well.” Evan relaxed his brow, sucking in a breath. “But hey, it’s my own fault. And like you said, Lucius, I’ve just gotta learn from what I did last time. There's always next year. If it heals correctly, that is.”
“I never knew you did gymnastics,” Lucius added, pivoting the conversation slightly.
Evan looked up at him, a twinkle in his eye. “It's my dream to do it professionally.”
Guilt washed over Luke. If his theory was right - and he was becoming increasingly convinced it was - then he had just sabotaged a family friend. On the other hand, though, had he already sabotaged himself by turning to stealing art? And better yet, why was he stealing art? What did an aspiring gymnast have to gain from engaging in art heists? Everything seemed to fit together, and yet the answer wasn’t any clearer.
Luke remembered his phone. As he peered under the table to sneak a look at his phone, he saw a single notification - MISSED CALL - DUKE THOMAS. Luke gulped. In his hurry, he had neglected to take his official communicator, and while he and Duke did often text each other, a call from him was very rare. All signs pointed to news from the Belfry. As he looked up at the other people at the table, opening his mouth to speak, Luke locked eyes with his father. All of this was for his father, really - the dinners, the antiques, the small talk, everything - Luke was just the only other person who was readily available. Or was it that he was easy to persuade? Luke didn’t want to know the answer.
More importantly, and more urgently, now was Luke’s chance to get more information about Evan, to understand his motives before he even catches on what Luke is doing. The risk of Evan finding out Luke’s identity was higher than he would like, but if it meant getting to the bottom of this as well as hopefully helping his friend, Luke would do it tenfold.
Luke peeked under the table again, long enough to craft a message to Duke. Then, as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, he turned back to Evan.
“So how long have you been doing gymnastics?”
 
🔵⚫️🦇⚫️🔵
 
“He’s not picking up,” Duke sighed, returning to the central table. Babs held a large shard of paint up to the light before placing it back down and manoeuvring over to her computer. As Duke peered down at the painting in front of him, his eyes widened. “Woah.”
Harper, continuing to slowly chip away at the artist’s hard work, nodded. “We’ve definitely got something here.”
“Just a moment, guys,” Babs announced, tapping at her keyboard. “Let’s get some light on this thing.”
With a final click of a key, the table began to glow a pale yellow. The exposed canvas was bathed in light, and as the trio surrounding the table looked, faint lines could be seen traced along the fabric.
“What is this?” Jace asked, his voice full of wonder and confusion.
Babs approached the table and hummed in thought. She ran her finger along the lines carefully, following their path and trying to glean any patterns or words.
“It’s a map,” Babs realised. “Look.” As she stretched out her hand, she pointed to the corner of the painting where a number of lines ran parallel to each other, stopping at a large rectangle. “That’s the park over by the police headquarters.”
The others leaned in and confirmed her statement. “But why would a painter - or whoever actually did this - draw a map of Gotham on the canvas before covering it up?” Harper thought out loud. “And what would it be pointing at?”
“And why did that guy want it?” Jace added. “Did he know about it?”
Duke looked down at his phone and froze. “Guys. It’s Luke.”
“Is he okay?” Harper asked.
“I… I think so. But look.” Duke turned his phone out to face everyone. On screen was a text, only a few words long, from Luke.
‘Assailant is Evan Blake.’
 
🔵⚫️🦇⚫️🔵
 
Next: The tables turn in New Gotham Knights #7 - Coming July 3rd

I remember when I was first in year seven,
I was figuring out what to do,
And in those years I've learnt so much,
Now five years have passed and gone through.

The day that my life has been set free,
The day that I've found my harmony,
The day that my passions can arise,
And today is the day, where it starts here.

I found my passion, life, and love,
And I think I know what to do.
In all those years I've found my friends,
They've helped me and guided me through.

And now that five years have passed around,
Half a decade, and that's just the truth.
All the studying and studying for hours,
It comes to an end. It's just me, and you.

Seeing my life change around,
It's so drastic, I can't keep up.
All the new places and faces and sounds,
It's time for a new life, everything's new.

Time is going on and on and on...
We see people, we have to cut ties.
Knowing the people that surround us,
It breaks my heart, to say our goodbyes.

I'm never giving up with my final goal,
To meet my God in my best form,
With all the good friends that helped me get here,
Helped me be where I belong.

And seeing the years, as they go by,
This is the beginning, in the change of our lives.
We're gonna see more and more and more,
Never give up, this is the beauty of life.

I'm gonna see you grow up, one day,
You're gonna be on the front display.
I'm gonna see amazing volunteers,
I'm gonna see designers and engineers.
I'm gonna see doctors in advanced careers,
I'm gonna see you get over your fears.

This is the new era we live,
Adapt and change and forgive.
Always go through and never give up,
Chase your dreams and always pursue.

Ignore the haters, one by one.
Don't give in, have discipline.
I know you can do this right now,
Believe in yourself, and it will happen.

Don't be sad just 'cause it's gone,
All the memories and all the fun.
That time that you first met,
Oh, how could you ever forget?
When they were sitting next to me in class,
Or when they were first with me in the mosque.

All those times we'd mess around,
Or those times acting like clowns.
Our brigade is coming to an end,
Through our distance, but friendship transcends.

Seeing our life turn out this way,
Things change from the smallest sway.
Remember Year 7? The COVID release,
We'd talk for ages, on Google Meets.
Year 8, Year 9, and Year 10,
That's already four years, and now it's the end.

The feeling is indescribable,
Knowing that this is our reward.
Don't be sad just 'cause it's gone,
But be happy, because it actually begun.
Be grateful that you're here, because,

What is done, cannot be undone.

What is done, cannot be undone.

What is done, cannot be undone.

Hi everyone! I'm a foreigner and I'm attending my first wedding here next month, and I could really use some advice about what's appropriate to wear (especially from other women). I'm from the US, and weddings there have very specific dress codes that each have rules (like cocktail, black-tie optional, semi-formal, etc) so without those I'm a bit lost about what's appropriate.
How conservatively do people generally dress at weddings? I'm obviously not going to wear club-attire, but is an above the knee length dress OK? Or off-shoulder sleeves?
P.S. I posted here a while ago with a similar "foreigner being clueless about how things work in serbia" question, and the advice you gave was SO helpful, so thank you all :)

Considering the franchise, it's not a huge surprise that despite how prominent they are, not much is really known about Gym Leaders. Granted, the games admittedly don't lay out everything about them, but most people still don't seem to have much idea about what Gym Leaders are beyond potentially being akin to sports celebrities.
There's tons of questions people have about them, like how exactly does one become a Gym Leader? What's involved in being one beyond handing out badges? How much influence do they have over their cities? And so on.
Like I said, the games don't reveal everything, but we still do get quite a bit more information than one would initially suspect from the shrugs most people give when asked about them.
So, why not put all that information together and make a clearer picture of what exactly Gyms are?

Part 1: The Pokemon League and Gyms

Everything starts from the Pokemon League. One may think this is just the location where the Elite Four and Champion of a region reside, an area off limits to anyone without all a region's Gym Badges.

Trace: "I was hoping maybe I could get a glimpse of 'em, but the guard at the gate wouldn't even let me pass without any Badges from Pokemon Gyms!"

But it's so much more than that. The Pokemon League is a massive organization that has branches in seemingly almost every region with Gyms. Their main base of operations does tend to be the same place where the Elite Four and Champion reside, with the chairman / woman of any given branch having a decent chance of being among these trainers, but this isn't always the case.

Indigo Plateau Statue: "Indigo Plateau: The Highest Pokemon Authority! Pokemon League Headquarters"
Rose Official Website: "Rose is the chairman of the Galar Pokemon League and also the president of a large business conglomerate."

Of course, this group is the one responsible for managing Gyms, but does also have other responsibilities, such as managing particularly dangerous areas and governing trainers in general.

Woman (Fuchsia Pokemon Center): "It leads to the Pokemon League, the organization that governs all Pokemon Trainers."
Cerulean Cave (FRLG): "A mysterious cave that is filled with terribly tough Pokémon. It is so dangerous, the Pokémon League is in charge of it."

Still, their main goal does seem to be making their branch of the League, and subsequently the organization as a whole, as popular as possible.

Rose Official Website: "He's made the Galar Pokémon League world-famous by implementing Gym Battles featuring the Dynamax phenomenon."
Lance: "The newly updated Pokemon League's reputation has really taken off! It's all thanks to you."

This is where Gyms come in. Many wonder what exactly the point of them is from an in-universe standpoint. They'd probably be pretty expensive to make, and they don't charge for entry, so it seems like a huge waste of money.
Well, from what we can tell, such as the audience seating in LGPE, Gyms seem to serve as tourist attractions for cities, with them often being placed in locations where many people come and go. Most trainers are also highly encouraged to visit these Gyms as well, which further promotes tourism.

Eterna City: "A Gym is indispensable in any town that has many people coming and going. This city is no exception."
Bookmark Store (Motostoke): "There are so many books! The ad says the magazine with a special feature on all the Gym Leaders is the most popular."
Notebook (Violet City School): "People who catch and use Pokemon in battle are called Pokemon Trainers. They are expected to visit Pokemon Gyms and defeat other Trainers."

Some regions like Galar put a much bigger focus on this than usual, turning Gyms into a massive annual challenge televised across the world, with challengers requiring an endorsement to even participate.

Hop: "The Gym Challenge, mate! The annual competition where Trainers can battle it out for the right to challenge the Champion! But the trick is that you've got to be endorsed if you want to take part."
(...)
Hop: "Everyone'll be watching the opening ceremony for the Gym Challenge... My mum... Your mum... The whole world!"
Blue: "If you talk to the other Trainers on Pasio, you get to hear how different the leagues are in all the other regions! It's some interesting stuff! Take the Galar region, for example. Most of their Pokemon Gyms are huge stadiums where spectators can enjoy watching the battles. Once a year, Trainers in Galar compete in a tournament for the chance to battle the Champion, and the whole thing is televised for everybody!"

However, Gyms aren't just placed everywhere, since after all, if every city has one, none of them are special. There's several guidelines Gyms follow on where they're located and how they operate.
First, as opposed to the anime, there can only be eight Gyms at any given time in a specific region, which the Badge check gates in particular make rather obvious.

Man (Oreburgh): "There are eight Gym Leaders in the Sinnoh region."
Roark: "In this region of Sinnoh, there are seven other Gym Leaders."
Blaine: "How many Gym Badges certified by the Pokemon League are there?" (Answer is seven, of course)

Additionally, since it'd be pretty pointless, multiple Gyms can't reside in the same city. This doesn't seem to have always been the case, but in those remaining situations, the stronger of the two would be the Gym that remains.

Sabrina (Masters): "A long time ago, I battled the Fighting Dojo to make mine the official Gym of Saffron City. I ultimately won, but they were very strong opponents."
Psychic (HGSS Saffron Gym): "The Fighting Dojo next door was once this city's Gym."
Ace Trainer (LGPE Saffron Gym): "There used to be two Gyms in Saffron City. The Fighting Dojo next door lost its Gym status, though. We simply creamed them when we decided to have just one Gym."

Galar in particular seems to have been quite fond of this idea, as unlike other regions, they have two distinct divisions of Gyms. There's the Major Division, which composes the eight Gym Leaders that hand out badges, and then there's the Minor Division, which has all the remaining types. Galarian Gym Leaders have to constantly battle each other and fight to remain or climb up to the Major Division.

Woman (Motostoke): "The Gym Leaders battle each other separately from the Gym Challenge in order to determine who is stronger."
Woman (Hulbury): "If a Gym Leader is too weak, their Gym will be relegated to the minor division."
Man (Hammerlocke): "Did you know that the order in which you progress through the Gym Challenge is decided by how strong each Gym Leader is?"
Bea (Masters): "We train under the pressure of dropping to the minor division or having our position in the Gym Challenge rearranged..."

Finally, there's one last general rule, though it is a bit more lax than the others. Gyms have to focus on a specific type of Pokemon, with overlap not being allowed unless there's no other option, such as Kanto and Johto sharing a League.

Larry: "At my Gym, I use Normal-type Pokemon, since I feel they have a lot in common with me. But, well, the boss told me to use a different type here."
Cheren: "The Gym Leader position is very tough... If I had my usual partners..."

Gym Leaders aren't locked to a single type forever though, since they are capable of changing it.

Sailor (Olivine Lighthouse): "Every time I come back to Olivine, I visit the Gym. The Gym Leader's Pokemon type changed without my noticing."

Though as mentioned, this isn't as heavily enforced in some regions, since it's not uncommon for Gym Leaders and Elite Four members to use Pokemon outside their specialty, not to mention Blue lacking one altogether.
Being a Gym Leader isn't all sunshine and rainbows, not to mention rather cutthroat in Galar, but as we'll see, Gym Leaders actually have quite a bit of freedom.

Part 2: Gym Leaders

So first of all, what exactly even is a Gym Leader? Is it all it's cracked up to be?
Well, the position is clearly an actual job, one that comes with its own work schedule that can even change on short notice.

Gym Guide (Shalour Gym): "Wanting to face off with a strong opponent not because it's her job as the Gym Leader but as an individual Trainer seeking more..."
Tyme: "As for the reason I quit my job as Gym Leader, I simply wanted to focus more on my job as a teacher."
Norman: "It now looks like I'm going to have to be at the Gym that day."
Grant: "However, if you want to use the move outside of battle, you'll first need a Badge from the Gym I run in this city."
Larry: "I'm Larry. I'm assigned to work as the Gym Leader of the Medali Gym."
(...)
"Anyway, my boss will dock my pay if I spend too much time chitchatting."

Some may wonder if the position grants the Gym Leader any authority over their city. Given Drayden is singled out for being Opelucid City's mayor, while other Gym Leaders are literal children, it's evident that Gym Leaders don't have much, if any, inherent control or influence over their city, especially with the position being its own full-time job. Though due to their status, it is likely they have a louder voice than your average citizen.
Of course, how busy a Gym Leader is does depend. There are periods when many challengers show up, such as after major events like the crowning of a new Champion...

Blaine (Rematch): "Recently, Gym challengers sure have been increasing!"

Usually though, despite their duties, many leaders often end up having a lot of free time, especially considering how many of them have secondary jobs that would not only require tons of attention, but seem more important to them than being a Gym Leader.
It makes sense, as Gym Leaders don't seem to make a ton of money. Not only is this implied by these secondary jobs, but Bea's reference sheet shows she still attends school, while Maylene constantly complains about being hungry, even praising a competition in HGSS that would allow her to eat for free.

"The winner eats for free, too. That's just a dream come true!"

Bea makes sense considering how cutthroat the Galarian League is, but the others are a bit strange if being a Gym Leader really is a stable job with a decent income. Though considering some characters like Norman don't seem to be struggling despite not having a known secondary job, there may be several factors involved.
Gym Leaders do get benefits though. For instance, rather than just take over distribution of an existing badge, they can get a new one certified, which they seem to have a major say, if not total creative control, over how they're designed.

Man (Cerulean City, explaining Rainbow Badge): "This is the most colorful of all the Badges here in the Kanto region, and it's also the most expensive to make."
Man (Explaining Volcano Badge): "This Badge is actually made from rock that was formed from lava from the volcano in Cinnabar. The Gym Leader was very particular about that."

They're also free to redesign the Gym as they see fit, which the Pokemon League itself seems to cover...within reason most likely. This includes the puzzles and challenges prior to the Gym Leader too.

Larry: "Thank you for doing business with us regarding the redesign of the Montenevera battle court."
Battle Girl (Dewford Gym): "A long time ago at Dewford Gym, it was always dark inside. We trained our minds by practicing in the dark!"
Blue: "By the way...what do you think of this Gym's design? It makes me look like some kinda bad guy, right? I've been thinking of remodeling the place."
Flint: "He's been so bored, he spends all his time renovating the Gym."
Milo: "My Gym's the first one people face, so we get a lot of challengers. That's why I try to keep the Gym mission challenging, but..."

Hell, as we've seen with Cheren, the location where a badge is handed out can even be moved to a completely new location.
A really useful perk, though, is the ability to directly challenge the Champion without needing to go through the Elite Four and possibly even without gathering all the current Gym Badges.

Brock: "The truth is, Gym Leaders have the right to challenge the Champion!"

Though this only applies in certain regions and mostly isn't the case in Galar.

League Staff (Wyndon): "Since you won your way through the Semifinals, you must face off against the Gym Leaders in the Finals. And they won't be holding back. Whoever makes it through this final bracket will win the right to challenge the Champion..."

The last and most notable perk is the ability to choose who runs the Gym in your absence, and even who takes over if you decide to move on, which the League seemingly rarely opposes.

Opal's League Card: "She took over for her mother 70 years ago and has kept the position since."
Man (Fuchsia City): "Koga's daughter succeeded him as the Gym Leader after he joined the Elite Four."
Old Woman (Violet City): "Falkner, from the Violet City Pokemon Gym, is a fine Trainer! He inherited his father's Gym and has done a great job with it."
Wallace: "I was once the Gym Leader of Sootopolis, but something came up. So now, I've entrusted my mentor Juan with the Gym's operation."
Wulfric (Masters): "I even left my Gym in my wife's care so I could travel! She wasn't too happy about that..."
Gordie (Masters): "You might already know, but my mum is an Ice-type Gym Leader. She trained me from a young age to be a Gym Leader."
(...)
Riley: "Have you met Byron? The Leader of Canalave Gym? He's asked me to become a Gym Leader, but there's his son Roark to consider."
(...)
Roark: "Riley's such a good Trainer that my dad asked him to be a Gym Leader."
Riley: "Haha, I'm not that good."

There's also Piers and Opal deciding for themselves that Marnie and Bede would take over their Gyms.
Gym Leaders also seem to have a lot of leeway when it comes to keeping their position in general, since Blue in particular has a habit of abandoning his Gym quite often.

Daisy: "My kid brother is the Gym Leader in Viridian City. But he goes out of town so often, it causes problems for the Trainers."

Of course, Gym Leaders can't just do whatever they want. The League holds mandated inspections a few times a year, and if a Gym Leader doesn't prove themselves up to the task, such as by abandoning their Gym for a really long time, the League will start looking to replace them.

Grusha: "These League-mandated inspections happen a few times a year. If we don't show we're up for the job, we'll lose our positions as Gym Leaders."
Blue: "I'll look after the Viridian City Gym from now on! I don't really like to get tied down, so I've always said no when they ask about it, but... I'm finally ready. I'll be the Gym Leader from now on."

Hell, once the League finds a replacement, they can take over near instantly, at least, considering how fast Trace gets his Earth Badge after Giovanni abandons the Viridian Gym.
Though given how in Kanto, other trainers seem to have earned the Earth Badge prior to the player while the Viridian Gym was closed, it seems that if a new Gym Leader can't be found, a substitute will take over for brief periods until that happens.
But that does bring up the million-dollar question, how exactly does one become a Gym Leader in the first place beyond nepotism?

Part 3: Responsibilities of Gym Leaders

We've already seen that new Gym Leaders can be assigned by old ones, with Gyms tending to run in the family. Additionally, as we saw with Blue, the League may directly ask people if they wish to become a Gym Leader. In fact, Geeta attempted to do this with Drayton.

Geeta: "Drayton--progeny of a long line of Dragon-type users, if I'm not mistaken."
(...)
Drayton: "So if you're scouting out new League members, you may wanna bark up another tree."
Geeta: "You see through my intentions, apparently."

But outside of favoritism and nepotism, there clearly is some method for completely new people to become Gym Leaders, though the process isn't clear. The manga requires the applicant to defeat a team of specially trained Pokemon, but that's just the Adventures canon.

Nessa's League Card: "Her father is a fisher, and her mother works in the marketplace. Perhaps because of her parents, she grew up playing with Water-type Pokemon and eventually made it all the way to being a Gym Leader."
Woman (Cinnabar Gym): "You're pretty tough. Ever thought about becoming a Gym Leader?"
Roxanne: "I became a Gym Leader so that I may apply in battle all that I've learned at the Pokemon Trainers' School."
Little Boy (Cherrygrove): "When I get older, I'm going to be a Gym Leader!"
Youngster (Route 34): "I'm aiming to be a Gym Leader!"
Little Boy (Fuchsia Pokemon Center): "My dream is to become a Gym Leader."
Fairy Girl (Route 123): "There's no Fairy-type Gym in Hoenn, eh? Maybe I'll sure-enough go ahead and make one!"

Either way, the Pokemon League clearly isn't picky, since just about anyone can become a Gym Leader or Elite Four member, including children like Allister and Poppy. They don't even need to have finished school, as we saw with Bea, and as Poppy tells us.

Poppy: "I didn't want to go to school 'cause I was afraid I'd scare the other kids... And then Geeta said I could join the Elite Four..."

Hell, on some occasions, more than one person can be put in charge of a Gym, like the Mossdeep and Striaton Gyms. It doesn't seem like there's a mandated retirement age either, considering Opal.
Alright, so we've got someone who was selected to be a new Gym Leader. They'll have their Gym and Badge changed to their liking, they've settled on a type specialty, and they're ready for business. What's expected of them?
Well, as everyone knows, the main duty of Gym Leaders is to take on challengers. If they're defeated, they have to award the challenger a Gym Badge, which each have special powers like enabling the use of HMs, enforcing obedience, and increasing a Pokemon's power. These items are also seen as status symbols, as people with more Gym Badges get treated better at places such as Poke Marts.

Man (Eterna City Poke Mart): "The more Gym Badges you have, the better they treat you at Poke Marts. You get to buy a better selection of merchandise, you see."

Also, for some reason, challengers can give their earned Gym Badges to other people.

Man (Cerulean City, explaining Soul Badge): "It has been ranked as the best Badge to give as an engagement gift, two years straight. I'm guessing that's because it's shaped like a heart and is such a pretty pink color."

Plus, although most Gym Leaders make it seem like a personal gift, they're also required to award those who beat them a TM. Though they can throw in extra gifts if they want, like Surge and his autograph.

Roxanne: "The Pokemon League's rules state that Trainers receive this if they defeat a Gym Leader. Please accept the official Pokemon League Stone Badge."
Roark: "According to Pokemon League rules, I have to give you our Gym Badge since you've beaten me, the Leader."
Geeta (talking about the League Club): "A club emulating the organization and activities of a Pokemon League--such an interesting idea."
Drayton: "Oh, yeah. We gotta give TMs to whoever can beat us Elite Four members."

Of course, earning a badge is no easy feat, as Gym Leaders tend to be quite powerful trainers. Luckily though, most of them tend to adjust their strength to accommodate the challenger. It's not clear how exactly they do so though, whether it's based on the amount of Gym Badges one has, as Origins depicts, or whether the Gym Leader watches the challenger battling the Gym Trainers to determine their strength, or something else entirely.

Picnicker (Pewter Gym): "Was it your first Gym battle?"
Brock (Rematch): "Allow me to show you the true rock-hard strength of my Pokemon!"
Roark: "I went and lost to a Trainer who didn't have a single Gym Badge..."
Nessa: "Long time no see! This'll be a different sort of battle than you faced in the Gym Challenge. Those were basically test matches, but this... This is serious battle."

Not every region follows this process though. As we saw earlier with Galar, Gyms have a predetermined order in that region based on the strength of the Gym Leader, which clearly determines how much effort they're allowed to put into their initial fights.
Some regions don't even care, like Paldea, which just makes general assumptions about how challengers will act and has Gym Leaders stick to those guesses no matter what.

Katy: "The Cortondo Gym is close to the academy, so many young Trainers just starting out like to come here first. With that in mind, La Primera asks me to go soft on Trainers--like a nice sponge cake. I feel sad for my sweet little bugs, though, since that means they quite often lose their battles."

Challengers can also battle Gyms as many times as they please, even in Galar where the competition is annual and evidently on more of a time limit.

Man (Turffield): "You can challenge the Gyms as many times as you want. I guess it's to test your unbreakable will!"

Even with these handicaps though, it's still pretty uncommon for challengers to get very far through the Gyms.

Hop: "I remember Lee talking about Kabu. He said that a lot of Gym Challengers give up because they just can't beat Kabu."
Motostoke Gym Front Desk Man: "We don't have too many challengers, since our Leader Kabu has made his Gym mission so hard..."
Nemona: "Hey, I heard the good news! Congrats on Gym Badge number six! Not even a tenth of the Trainers who take on the Gyms get this far, y'know!"

While battling challengers is their main duty, Gym Leaders do have other responsibilities as well. For instance, they're expected to stay in contact with other Gym Leaders of the region.

Brock: "I'm on my way back from visiting the Celadon City Gym. Keeping in touch with other Gym Leaders is part of our duties, after all."
Nessa: "You're one of the ones endorsed by Leon, right? You've become something of a hot topic among the Gym Leaders."
Iono: "You've gone viral among the Gym Leaders, friendo! You're all we're talkin' about recently!"

Perhaps their second biggest responsibility though, involves Gym Trainers. Have you ever wondered about them? What's the deal with those NPCs the player battles before the Gym Leader?
Well, as it turns out, these are individuals that apply to join a Gym, then after hopefully being selected by the Gym Leader, they're taken on essentially as apprentices. Training these individuals is part of a Gym Leader's responsibility, and this training can be quite brutal depending on the Gym Leader in question.
In exchange, when challengers show up, Gym Trainers are tasked with defeating them. Additionally, the order of these trainers is usually based on how strong they are individually.

"Bird Keeper (Fortress Gym):** "The lovers of bird Pokemon aspire to join this Gym. As a member of the Fortree Gym, I'm not allowed to lose!"
Swimmer (Route 223): "I train at a Pokemon Gym, too."
(...)
"Master Wake... I mean, Crasher Wake, sorry!"
Gym Trainer (Turffield): "Welcome, Gym Challenger! Sorry, but I'll have to send you packing. It's my job."
Gentleman: "Lt. Surge saw my potential with Electric-type Pokemon. Think you can beat me?"
Gym Trainer (Hulbury): "Usually the last Trainer in a Gym is pretty strong, but I don't have a lot of confidence, so they let me stay back here..."
Blue: "Since I've become the Gym Leader here, the Viridian City Gym has really stepped it up! It's made each day pretty busy, though!"
Blue (Masters): "After all, you're the only one going through this much of my training! Even my Trainers back at Viridian Gym couldn't handle this much, so you should be proud of yourself!"
Melony League Card: "Melony has been a Gym Leader since she was in her twenties. She is also known as a very effective coach, but her coaching style is incredibly strict. Her battle style is fittingly severe and stoic, as well."
(...)
"Any Gym Trainers who manage to remain under Melony are sure to be powerful opponents."
Melony (Masters): "Oh my--both of you are exhausted already? That's not enough to become a Gym Trainer at my Gym! We'd only just started. They lack tenacity."

Gym Trainers do also have the ability to try and defeat the Gym Leader themselves, though that's evidently quite difficult for most of them.

Lass (Goldenrod Gym): "I'm training really hard to try to beat Whitney, but I'm starting to get discouraged..."

Of course, just like Gym Leaders, if a Gym Trainer shows they're not fit for their position, they'll have their status revoked.

Avery's Rare League Card: "Avery has always been very proud and would levitate any opponents who dared defeat him. This behaviour caused his status as a Gym Trainer to be revoked."

On a related note, there are also the Gym Guides, though they don't really seem to do much beyond stand there and make their own observations.

Gym Guide (Viridian): "Even I don't know who the Viridian City Gym Leader is."
(...)
"Also, I heard that the Trainers here are users of Ground-type Pokemon."

However, they do seem to be officially working for the Gyms at least. Oh, speaking of, when I say "them", I don't just mean these guides are different from one region to another, I mean they're different from one Gym to another. Hopefully I don't break anyone's heart, but the compliments these guides give to challengers are part of their job.

Gym Guide (Oreburgh): "That's what I said to a really impatient boy earlier, too."
Gym Guide (Hearthome): "...You do realize I say that to everyone, right?"

Of course, it doesn't seem like many Gym Leaders are very hands on with their trainers, considering all the free time and secondary jobs we mentioned earlier. Maybe they get tired of it.
So what if a Gym Leader wants to quit or move on? Can they even do that?
Well, sure, they can quit whenever they want, and are seemingly able to retake the position if they want to. For instance, when a student asks about Tyme quitting and if she plans to become a Gym Leader again, she says:

"No, I'm afraid I don't plan to do so."

Of course, a Gym Leader could always decide to aim higher. It's even less clear how one becomes an Elite Four member; one could be asked, as Poppy was, but we do know it's possible for a Gym Leader to make the jump as well.

Koga: "As it so happens, I have been thinking of aiming to join the Elite Four myself..."

Considering how much stronger the Elite Four is, it probably comes down to whether the candidate is strong enough, as well as mature enough to handle the position. Well, maybe not so much that second one considering Poppy...
Though aside from the potential added fame, being an Elite Four member tends to be worse than being a Gym Leader. While Gym Leaders get a lot of free time when they're not taking on challengers or training members of their Gym, Elite Four members seem required to sit around and wait without doing anything.

Lucian: "At Sinnoh's Pokemon League, I get my reading done while waiting for challengers."
Acerola: "Hmm, maybe I'll read books, too, while I'm waiting for challengers at the League in Alola!"

Hopefully the pay's better and more consistent at least.
This post wasn't really as much of a theory as usual, but I still find the topic quite entertaining. People always treat Gym Leaders as this vague area where one can freely headcanon whatever they want, yet there's a lot more than that attitude would lead one to believe.

The black of my clothes matched the black of the night as I tied my shoes and prepared for my first mission.
On the floor beside me was a large jar of flour that was going to be boiled up by the resistance to make wheat paste, a strong, long-lasting glue that we'd lather over our posters.
I threw the jar of flour into my black bag, reached toward the door-
'Psst, Eli?!' said a voice in the dark.
My heart sucker-punched my lungs. I lunged for the switch to turn on the porch light.
The fluorescent light flickered on and there stood Manuel dressed in a pirate outfit with a fake plastic sword at his side.
‘Hey, Eli, what's up?’
I took a breath, ‘Oh nothing man. I'm just going for a run.’
He peered out into the darkness, ‘At this time, you crazy?’
‘Probably... anyway what are you up to?’
‘I’m here to pick you up, it’s Josie's birthday and she's throwing the maddest pirate party you've ever seen. It's gonna be at the Tree House – you know that super cool exclusive place I've been trying to get you into for the last month?'
I shifted the black bag of flour behind my back as he continued.
'Now's your shot, she specifically told me to bring you.' He laughed, 'Unless you'd rather go for your run.'
I put my hand in my pocket, pushed the wheatpasting brush deeper. 'I'm good,' I tried to say, 'I've got an early start tomorrow and I want to get a few more chapters in.'
Manuel made a throwing up sound. 'Come on man. I haven't seen you in ages! Just hang out for a few hours, blow off some steam. You deserve it. You need it. And Josie man!!’
I shook my head, 'Nah. I'm out.'
'Eli!' He called out, but I threw on my hoodie, slammed the front door and ran past him. 'Eli!’ he called out, 'Why you being such a weirdo?'
My feet tapped on the concrete of the road, 'All right!’ He called, ‘Stay lame and single and a nerd forever.'
It took me 10 minutes to reach Clive's house, I took a couple of side streets and doubled back on myself a few times along the way just to make sure Manuel wasn't following me. When I got there I found a small party inside - there wasn't much going on. Just a few people discussing the best way to grow onions, they didn’t even look up as I moved through them into Clive’s bathroom, closed the door behind me and then lifted up a section of the floor beside his shower.
From inside came the smell of wheat being boiled. It almost smelt a little bit like fresh bread. There was a warm yellow flickering light about the place. I climbed down the wooden stepladder then shook hands with a bunch of my fellow resistors.
There were 15 people down there including me, a mixture of pierced and tattooed steampunk writers and white collar romance writers.
The space was tiny and we were all squished together elbow to elbow around the pots of bubbling wheat. Clive prodded a cauldron of the stuff with a wooden spoon 'The key is to get it tacky,' he said, 'Like my puns. If it's too watery it will have slipped off by the morning.' As he spoke he reached out and shook my hand, ‘Good to see you Eli!’
I bowed and Clive gave an easy laugh, 'Nothing like a good batch of wheat paste.'
I traded my jar of flour for three jars of wheat paste and 50 posters. There was a guy strumming a homemade guitar in the corner.
The posters were pretty basic – a warning to writers that their rights were being breached and two toll-free phone numbers of lawyers they could reach out to.
'It's not much,' Clive told us as we stood waiting like water poised above a dam, 'But even if most people are unable to reach out and learn their rights it's still a sign to them that Crusher isn't all-dominant, that there is a life outside of this one, a better life, a real life, a free life.'
Everyone in the room cheered and then we paired up and one by one the five pairs of poster pasters slipped out onto the streets.
I ended up with one of my former interrogators – the woman with the bunny balaclava. 'Just be glad it's me.' she whispered as we waited for our signal to leave the house, 'I think the others still have something against you because of the way Clive went off at them.'
I adjusted the black balaclava I'd been given so it fully covered my face.
'They're angry at me?! Whose fingernails were getting pulled that night?'
She rolled her eyes, ‘No one's fingernails got pulled, stop being a baby.'
I let out an indignant cough then we stood in silence as the group before us sped up the ladder and out of the house. We took their places on the creaking ladder.
'I'm Jess by the way,' said the woman with the bunny balaclava.
'Eli,' I said, and then Clive jerked his thumbs at us and we started to climb.
Our mission was the centre of town. We knew the wheat posters wouldn't last long there. But they would have the highest impact.
I found a street lamp next to the Sherlock Holmes Cafe. Jess unfolded the poster and held it flat while I dipped my brush into the wheat and coated it. The mixture was messy and got all over my gloves but by the time it dried on the poster you’d need a pickaxe or chemicals to remove it.
We rushed on to a James Bond themed bar that people were wandering in and out of with their arms wrapped around each other and drinks in their hands. Jess slipped down the side of the building, and held up the poster while I splashed wheat over it. Just as we were finishing I heard a cough from behind us--
'What's going on?' said a man's voice that I didn't recognize.
I turned, 'Huh?'
'I said what's going on?' His voice was slurred and slow. He seemed dumb, but kind of aggressive, like the human version of a male turkey.
'Oh nothing,' I said, 'We're just trying to liberate you from your indentured servitude.'
'Hmm,' The guy said, 'You guys got any cocaine?'
'No,' Jess said, 'We've got something better, something that will energize your very spirit. We have...' she thrust sticky poster partly covered in wheat paste onto his chest, 'We have the key to your liberation,’ and as she said that we pushed past him out into the night beyond the bar and the guy was still saying, 'Huh? Hey, this thing's sticky.'
‘Waste of a poster,' I said as we ran off.
She shrugged. 'Maybe he won't be able to get it off. Maybe he'll become a walking advertisement for the rebellion.'
I laughed, we moved up the street getting faster and faster at putting the posters on we went, and braver and braver in our placement until on our 40th poster, when we were wiping glue off our elbows, we decided to do the mother of all wheat pastes.
Just like Hollywood. The Village had a giant sign above it. Only this one wasn't white. This one was gold plated – a great way to show the rest of the world how narcissistic the place was.
I don't know whether it was the fumes from the wheat paste or the fact Jess and I were cocky bastards but we found ourselves up the village sign slathering wheat paste over the posters, covering one letter at a time in the lawyers' phone numbers.
'This is sick!' Jessie said as she fumbled for another poster. 'I don't think I've ever had so much adrenaline before – do you reckon we'll get caught?'
I shrugged, ‘This is a pretty popular makeout and drinking spot. Most people are gonna think we're drunk or playing a prank.' I layered a thick glob of wheat over the poster, 'I guess it is a prank in some ways.'
She laughed, 'Well I think Crusher Media pranked us first.'
I finished pasting the poster and she turned looking out over the village, 'This whole thing's a joke man the sooner I'm out of here and back with normal people the better. You wanna hear what they did to me my first day in here?'
While she ranted, I stared out beyond her. There was a slight shimmering in the air, like the street lights were glinting off something.
Jess grabbed my hand, she yelled something like ‘CRUSHER CAN SUCK MY ASS’ and that's when I noticed the shimmering again. It was closer and there was this tiny red dot flashing on and off. I pulled out a torch from my pocket, and shone it. There a giant wasp-like drone was recording our every move. A little way down the street an eight-legged spider-like police bot was lurching its way towards us. 'Jess, we've got to get out of here.' I yelled, pulling her towards the fence we'd climbed up to reach the sign. Jess struggled against me. So I shone the light back at the wasp. 'Look, look. You see that?! If one of them catches us we are going to have a lot more problems than we do now.'
We half-climbed half-fell down the fence. I rolled at the bottom and tore my shirt on a piece of broken glass. I pulled Jess to her feet and we were running as fast as we could. I could hear the mechanical swish of the spider's legs. We raced down the road then jumped the fence onto some writer's backyard. Three lawns over I could see a massive house party with a bunch of sci-fi writers launching homemade fireworks into the air. Jess and I pushed towards them then forced our way into the middle of the house, pushing through the throngs of people.
As we passed through the party I felt my head start to hurt, and a weary tiredness settling over my body. I walked through the back door and fumbled for my pill bottle
'Hey, Jess,' I grabbed her arm, 'Can we stop for a moment?'
'We need to get away,' she said, 'I can still hear it.'
'Yeah, yeah, just a minute,' I opened the pill bottle, my orange lovers winked at me under the outdoor fairy lights.
I decided I'd take four – this was an emergency. But as I went to slide the bastards out Jess’ hand reached out to grab me and the pill bottle fell from my hands. The pills spilt out into a kaleidoscope on the ground. 'Eli,’ she whispered. ‘There's nobody out here.'
I cocked my head, thought about going for the pills, but the loudness of her voice had made me realise the music at the party had stopped. The air around us was quiet. And then the swishing sound got louder. Only it wasn't just a spider it was an army of them coupled together with ten wasp drones that spiralled and swarmed around the house searching for us.
Jess grabbed my arm and we ran.
Two hours of ducking, weaving, smashing through bushes, and throwing rocks at the spiders and we finally found ourselves flopped on a pair of chairs at Clive's house sipping on a celebratory grape juice.
'I can't believe you hit the sign,’ Jordie, who had removed his fox mask, said.
‘I can’t believe we’re still alive,’ said Jess.
‘I can’t believe I dropped those shitty pills,’ I said, wiping a patch of sweat from my forehead.

Disclaimer: This is one of those experiences I pray my worst enemies never have to go through. Also, this is going to be very long as at this point, I don't know if this is going to be a story or rant.
A little about me. I'm a 31 year old male living in Mumbai for the past 6 years. In my friend and relative circle, for a long time, I have been a definition of what you call a successful life. I come from a very humble background, my father used to sell home made ice creams on a street stall. When I passed 10th, An uncle offered me a part time job for 3000 per month. This amount meant a lot for us. But just after two days of working, my dad stopped me from continuing it and asked me to focus on my studies. He would sing to me,
"Zindagi ke Safar mein guzar jaate hai jo maukaam, phir nhi aate"
Telling me to not let go of the opportunity to study. I cracked one of the top IITs and eventually got into a high paying role. As years passed by, I got promotions and hikes, then I worked for a few start ups that made good money so I got a little rich via equity too. Eventually I understood that business is something that suits me and at the age of 27, I left my job and started a small start up in Mumbai. At the age of 28, I met a girl during lockdown and we instantly vibed with each other. Both of us were part of NGO related work during those days. It started off with a friends phase but eventually turned into a serious relationship. Almost an year passed but her parents started putting pressure on her to marry someone. I didn't want to marry. I loved her, and I wanted to marry her eventually, but just not right now. My major concern was, she wanted me to live separately from my parents for at least one year immediately after marriage. While I agreed that what she was asking for was very genuine, I just wanted to have one more year to spend with my family, and also ultra focus on my start up. At this point, my start up was doing quite well too, and I had a net worth of 12 crore rupees, all earned by myself. Meanwhile our relationship was going great. Both of us were amazing in bed. We communicated with each other and barely had any arguments at all, let alone the major ones. We would put so much effort into our relationship. Though I felt she was putting in more effort than me, she felt the exact opposite that I was putting in more effort. Overall it was a very healthy relationship.
But pressure from her family kept on increasing to the point where they started looking for a guy for her. At this point, I thought I should marry her just to relieve her of the pressure and I proposed to her. We talked to our families and though there was some drama initially, irrelevant to the story, eventually our parents agreed and we married. I started living separately from my parents, and my parents also understood this. They gave me the freedom to make my life decisions, though I wish they hadn't. A year flew by in my wife's company. We were having the time of our lives. It was almost like we were having a year-long honeymoon.
But then came the day where it all changed. I received a call from one of my uncles at 2 am. My parents had died in a car crash while coming back from a wedding. My entire world collapsed. My wife was my only support system left. I cried, and cried, and cried. My wife was sad too, but only because I was sad. Of course I was way more attached to my parents than she was. I would spend nights in her arms, sobbing. A few months passed by and I got somewhat normal. But I wasn't healthy. I spoke less. I wasn't as happy as I was before. It seemed like I had suddenly aged by 10 years. This also reflected in the bed. Our frequency of intimacy dropped significantly, all because of me. I just couldn't. If it wasn't for the care I had for my wife, I would have started drinking and smoking and what not. To sum it up, I was in a bad state. And she knew it. I also knew that I have been an emotional baggage for her for the past few months. This coincided with pressure at her job. Though finances weren't an issue, she took her career very seriously. About 8 months passed by and I got better. Time started healing me perhaps. I started to learn to smile again and be happy. I accepted that my parents are in a better place. Though I always had that regret that I didn't spend time with them, in the last year of their life. But as one of my close friends had told me, "I have seen your parents and their love since childhood. You should be happy that both died together, else either of them wouldn't have been able to live with the loss of the other. They are the definition of forever."
Then came a weekend where finally my wife was free, since the pressure in her office dropped. Unfortunately, It was the same weekend where I was traveling to Delhi to meet someone important for my business. She put on a smile and told me to go for it. This just made me realise everything she has done for me ever since we have met. She was the world to me and afterall, this start up and everything was for her and no one else. I thought she should be happy. I cancelled my meeting with that person but didn't tell her. In the morning, I left for the airport with all my luggage. Then before my flight was about to take off, I texted her that I have reached and I'm switching off my phone. I went to her favourite bakery in SoBo and bought her favourite chocolate cake. Then I picked up Idlis from her favourite south Indian shop. We used to joke about what she loves more, me or idlis. I bought some snacks, some chocolates and some condoms. Then I bought a nice perfume for her, the one I knew she wanted. And finally on my way back I took a bouquet for her too.
I went back to give her this surprise, opened the door only to find her cuddling naked with a guy on the couch in the hall. I saw her , she saw me with a bouquet in my hand. I put my eyes down, moved to the door of the guest room in the side, and said, "sorry to disturb, you can carry on."
I kept the stuff on the bed and sat there, looking at the wall, digesting what had happened. I could hear her telling the guy to go out. After 5 minutes later, she dressed and came in. She apologized. I was quiet. She sat there for a while, without uttering a word. Must be 15 minutes of silence, probably more since I had lost my sense of time at this point. Then she asked me, "are you angry at me?" I was still staring at the wall. I hadn't said a single word. She started crying, apologizing and asking me to say something. She stood in front of me and shook me. I just laid down in bed without saying anything. She kept looking at the bouquet, and kept crying. She probably couldn't muster up the courage to open the bag. After a few hours, she got so tired of crying that she fell asleep. A few minutes later, she woke up and looked at me. I was still in bed looking at the ceiling. She got up and went out of the room. After 15 minutes or so, she came back and threw stuff pillows at me, while screaming at me. Asking me to speak. I just didn't know how to speak at this point. I got up and went out. I went to a gurudwara nearby and sat there. A lot of thoughts were going through my head. I didn't know what I was supposed to do in life anymore. I didn't know if I even wanted to live, and if yes, then for what. At around 8:30, I went back. It was walking distance (a few Kilometres). A kid came up to me, begging for food. He wanted to eat Vada pav from a nearby stall. That's when I realised all I had today was a cup of coffee and a cookie, since the morning. I got him one, and had one myself. I came back home and my wife was sitting on the couch, sobbing and waiting for me. She immediately started apologizing again as soon as I entered. I just sat on the chair nearby. she went on and on about how she is very sorry and she would never do it again. She started telling me about the guy whom she met at one of the business conferences. She told me that this has been going on for the past 3 months. She also confessed having two other hook ups in the past 6 months. She thought if she comes clean, maybe that will help rebuild the trust. I was quiet throughout. I hadn't spoken a single word so far. She tried to make me say something but I simply went to bed and stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night. She didn't come into the room. In the morning, I came out. I couldn't sleep the entire night. With so much of silence and thinking, I had made a decision in mind.
I had decided that I'm never ever having kids with her. The kid I had met yesterday got me thinking. With the kind of relationship now this was, I didn't want to traumatize someone by giving them parents with a toxic relationship. So I thought, If she gets her tubal sterilization done, I'll let her do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. I just didn't want the responsibility of a kid who wasn't mine. The other option for me was a divorce. But I was really hoping she would rather agree for a sterilization.
As I came out of the room, I saw her. She again screamed at me to speak something. This time, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but this was the women I had imagined having a family with. I knew how much she would love to have kids someday. I just couldn't make myself say those words. And before I could muster up courage, anger took control of her body. She told me the reasons she cheated on me. How I acted like a little kid on death of my parents. How I had become so inactive in bed. How she was mentally tired of my sobbing. How I pushed her into making a conscious decision to cheat on me and hence she started looking at other men. I didn't say a thing again. Deep down, I was broken to the core at this point. I knew what she had gone through for me was difficult. I knew she was not entirely wrong. I just went outside, rethinking the decision I had taken earlier.
After a day of thinking, I realised divorce was the best way ahead. She doesn't need to suffer because of me. She doesn't need to give up on her dream of having a kid because of me. I went back to the room in the night. Things had changed by now. She probably regretted what she had said. she cooked me my favourite dish and was wearing a traditional saree, the one I had gifted her on her birthday. She knew I loved looking at her in saree. She came to me, said sorry again, holding her ears. She told me she will make amends now. She would quit her job and stop using a mobile phone. She would wear "properly covered" clothes always and wouldn't talk to any male without my permission. She wouldn't go out of the house unless accompanied by me, and would have CCTVs installed in the house.
I was taken aback. What was she saying? If there are two things that define her, It were her drive for a career and her longing for her freedom. Of course I was never going to put her through what she was saying. But how do I tell her for a divorce right now. Obviously she was too emotional at that point to think rationally. At one point, she told me she would do whatever I would want for me to forgive her. At that point, I spoke after 2 days. I just said, "there's no need" and went to room without eating what she had cooked.
Next morning, the weekend was over and she left for her office as usual. An hour later, I got a call from police station. They asked me if I'm her husband. I said yes. They asked me to come to police station immediately. They said it's something important, but didn't give any details. I understood what it was. It was time for fake cases against me. I called a lawyer and asked him to accompany me. He was a friend of one of my earlier coworkers so he came immediately on a short notice. We reached the police station and he asked me to wait in the car. He went in, and came out in barely 5 minutes. He asked me to come in. We went inside. I was seated, and then told the news. I lost the love of my life to a car accident. A truck driving in the lane next to her had a tire burst and immediately flipped over her car, killing her on the spot.
It's been a few months and I am still sobbing, except for this time, I don't have her arms to cry like a kid. All I have is regret. And now that she isn't here, I sit in this room with no one to speak to, a drink in my hand. There lies a cigarette pack nearby. It warns me of death. I laugh, because death to me, isn't a warning anymore. It's the destination I wait for. I learned so much in my life, engineering, finance, operations, marketing and what not, but couldn't learn that one lesson, to not let opportunities slip away. As I sip through my drink, the song plays,
Phool khilte hain, Log milte hain magar Patjhad main jo phool murjha jate hain Woh baharon ke aane se khilte nahin Kuchh log ek roz jo bichad jate hain Woh hazaron ke aane se milte nahin Umr bhar chahe koi pukara kare unka naam Woh phir nahin aate.
Zindagi ke Safar mein guzar jaate hai jo maukaam, voh phir nahin aate.
P.S. It is a fictional story. I'm a freelance content writer and I wrote this for a client but the deal didn't go through. So I tweaked it and posted it here. I hope you enjoyed the story.