Funny things to say on birthday

So this was over a year ago, and Ive had a few suspicions about this psychologist (and i just read the other day that privately run psychologists are less likely to give accurate diagnoses (?)), however I just found a place on here that seems open to being asked, where people are actually educated enough to respond accurately. Bear with me until the end, and please answer each question individually before you add information that i havent specifically asked for (including but not limited to unsolicited advice). Any extra information, if any, add to the end. And before anyone tells me "seek a second opinion from another psychologist", i cant right now, ive been trying but i cant find a psychologist that has the credentials im looking for thats near me, so yeah honestly just answer the questions before you say anything like that.
Background: About a year ago (age 19) I had an examination for autism and ADHD. What the psychologist did was give both me and my mom a copy of the SRS-2, me the CASS, me the WAIS-IV, me the WRAML-2 story memory recall and story memory delayed recall tests, me the Moxo ADHD test, me the Social Cognition test, and me the TASIT-S minimal test. I ended up diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder level 1 as a primary diagnosis, and ADHD predominately inattentive type as a secondary diagnosis. I dont have the Moxo test results off the top of my head (other than they were very bad) but Ill give my other results here, ill make it as detailed as possible so that nothings hidden.
SRS-2 Maternal Responses: 72 criteria A (moderately elevated), 70 criteria B ( moderately elevated)
SRS-2 self responses: 80 criteria A (severely elevated), 67 criteria B (moderately elevated)
CASS (5/10 cutoff): 6/10 inattention symptoms, 2/10 hyperactivity symptoms
WAIS-IV
IQ: 107 (68th percentile)
Verbal Comprehension Index: 103 (58th percentile) Similarities: 11 (63rd percentile) Vocabulary: 10 (50th percentile) Information: 11 (63rd percentile)
Perceptual Reasoning Index: 105 (63rd percentile) Block Design: 7 (16th percentile) Matrix Reasoning: 16 (98th percentile) Visual Puzzles: 10 (50th percentile)
Working Memory Index: 122 (93rd percentile) Digit Span: 13 (84th percentile) Arithmetic: 15 (95th percentile)
Processing Speed Index: 94 (34th percentile) Symbol Search: 10 (50th percentile) Coding: 8 (25th percentile)
Social Cognition Test: 8 (25th percentile) Facial Affect: 6 (9th percentile) Vocal Tone: 10 (50th percentile) Pairs: 9 (39th percentile)
WRAML-2 Story memory recall: 4 (2nd percentile) WRAML-2 Story memory delayed recall: 5 (5th percentile)
TASIT-S minimal: 4 (2nd percentile)
Extra observations: Monotone voice, flat affect, repetitive movements (such as "shaking head" and, "scratching head"), lack of eye contact particularly when speaking, constantly restarting sentences when speaking.
Now, Ive already rejected the ADHD diagnosis. Long story short, nothing thats supposed to help people with ADHD helped me, in fact most of the things made it worse, and literally no one noticed inattention my entire life. If anything i am (and was) seen as way too attentive, often writing way too much during assignments when i was in school, and constantly catch a bunch of things that others miss while simultaneously almost never making careless mistakes now that i have a repetitive non-social job. I now realize through self reflection that it was a combination of me not noticing how inattentive others were compared to me, because i focused too much little parts of assignments not realizing how much time flew by before i could move on, and also partially because i often found the work at school hard and didnt receive any support, and instead got in trouble. Keep in mind that it was very much domain specific; it was almost always english work that was what i struggled to get done, math was extremely easy and i never understood why people struggled with it. All of those things along with terrible organization skills, for example, i cant clean a room without stuffing things in random places, which is partially because i feel sad when i even throw away old papers so i tend to keep them, I cant fold clothes neatly in drawers, until my teenage years couldnt even hang clothes on a hanger and until recently i couldnt even make a bed. However, the last straw was the 20mg Vyvanse causing me a panic attack on day 3 of me taking it as soon as i got exposed to noise (up until very recently i operated a noisy machine as a mail processing clerk) followed by an hours long episode of not being able to speak clearly and a bunch of uncontrollable subconscious stims (episodes which have happened twice before ever since i started working jobs, once when i was sick with covid and once after taking a stimulant, my dad described it as an "autistic episode" since he saw the exact same representation on a show called "good doctor" but i dont know what it actually is). During the days before that episode, I would hallucinate sounds, such as a very faint buzzing of christmas lights on a bush all the way across the street (which i know realistically would be impossible for a human being to hear), delusions such as me feeling like i could now do anything, as well as making my executive function 10x worse (i would focus even more strongly on even smaller things the entire time i was on the medication, and my time blindness increased severely, things which were already main issues but multiplied). The only thing the stimulant helped with was removing the brain fog that had accumulated ever since i started working, which i later realized that as soon as i switched positions (from a mail processing clerk to a calmer data entry job in a computer room this week), along with shifting my sleep time one to two hours earlier, the brain fog completely went away.
Questions:
During the Moxo ADHD test, the constant noises would make me suddenly start laughing, followed by tearing up randomly and then feeling extremely exhausted. I rarely get episodes like this (at least not to this extent, to a milder extent possibly), however when I posted elsewhere on like two subreddits I was told it was sensory overload. I know that those people dont actually know what their talking about so i ask here: what likely was the real reason for that? My dad did tell me i had auditory sensory issues when i was a toddler, but I thought it was supposed to cause pain (which i only remember getting when i worked the mail machines before i started wearing noise cancelling headphones) so i dont think thats the reason but correct me if im wrong.
If the answer to the previous question is "sensory overload", does that mean it was likely that asd affected my Moxo ADHD test results? Or is the test supposed to trigger sensory overload in people with ADHD as well, while assuming they dont have a condition such as asd, apd, or spd?
The psychologist later said through email that the story memory being way worse than my working memory index was a result of asd causing my brain to prioritize factual information over social information, and that in most people these scores are correlated. Is this accurate?
In the psychologists office, when going over my results, he said "your IQ is in the 68th percentile". However, when I left the office and my mom asked what my IQ was, I said "i dont know but look up what 68th percentile would be". My mom later asked the psychologist "im sorry but what was his IQ?". The psycholgist turned to me and said "so we went over this already, your IQ is 107." Was that his attempt at trying to gaslight me?
The psychologist added in the report that i needed help interpreting the SRS-2 (which i did), because i interpreted it (too concretely). Why was that necesary to add? What from the criteria of asd/ADHD would influence this?
In the office when going over my results, the psychologist claimed that my stuttering/restarting sentences was due to their being less connection between hemispheres. Months later through email he claimed that trouble voicing thoughts is a symptom to ADHD (which would be ironic considering that "symptom" got much worse during my episodes, usually triggered by a stimulant such as Vyvanse). My intuition tells me he doesnt know what he's talking about but i thought id ask here. Should i be concerned about his inconsistency of what he's saying?
Lastly, this psychologist claims that ADHD causes block design to be worse than visual puzzles, due to "lack of mental organization and planning". However, i found zero studies to support what he's saying. Also there's a subreddit called cognitivetesting, where there's people consistently sharing their IQ scores, and ive actually never seen someone claiming to have ADHD do worse on block design than visual puzzles; if anything the opposite. Can anyone actually prove this claim with studies?

A lot of men these days don’t want to work hard to protect their women, they will abuse, manipulate and lie to us so they can justify them being lazy and weak willed. Why are we raising men like this? Fathers are encouraging their daughters to leave the home, get a degree and become career driven instead of pushing their sons to be strong men that want to protect women and femininity. We are seeing an influx of masculine women purely because they were raised with this hustle mentality, they’ve been told men aren’t capable of looking after us, that we should work twice as hard as men to be able to provide for ourselves. The typical villainising of ALL men is ruining this generation.
Do we as a society not need men anymore? Is this the agenda we are going to push?
I understand a lot of this comes from the economy, how the cost of living these days is horrendous. Many people can’t survive on one income, so for that I can understand. But there’s no denying that we are still failing our women by sending them to work. This also raises concern about materialism, if a man can afford to have somewhere to live with his wife, then that should be more than enough for them both. Stop chasing materialism in this life and learn to live humbly, then perhaps things would be easier. We need to raise our children to be humble and determined, not weak and shallow like so many people are today.
I have always been feminine, every time I’ve tried to work I end up leaving within a few months and then I’m severely depressed after. Why? Because I was forced to take on masculine traits completely foreign to me. Society tells me that wanting to be a homemaker is wrong and to that I say f off. Don’t push me to conform to this western mindset, I never will.
Alhamdullilah I get to be a stay at home daughter, my dad doesn’t want me to work if I don’t want to. That to me is a real father and a real man.
I have no shame in saying I am 100% in tune with my femininity. I have no interest in taking on masculine roles that are unnatural to me. If I want to continue to live like this, I need a man who’s going to take care of me. Why is it so shameful these days to say, ‘yes we need men to look after us’.
I don’t want to work outside the home, I want to be taken care of and protected by a good man. Is this a big ask nowadays? Why must I try to be forced to go out and hustle? This is not within my nature and I simply don’t have the skills to live like that.
What happened to men wanting to feel needed? Do men not feel like this anymore? Or is this masculine woman epidemic driving you to loath the idea of having someone rely on you?
I want to remain feminine and for that I need a man in my life to take care of me. Gender roles have worked for thousands of years, why are we suddenly trying to push this liberal nonsense about equality? No…we simply are not equal to each other and never will be. Equity? Yes. Equality 100% no.
These feminists don’t protect women, they instead are the ones abusing us. Shame on them for trying to steal our identity and warp it with this disgusting liberal ideology.
And men, if having a wife and kids is not the goal for you then surely you’ll lose yourself and become lazy. We are wired different, a man needs goals, needs a reason to keep going, needs a reason to do SOMETHING. Women are content slowing down and living in the moment, I’m happy with my life feeling like a peaceful, steady stream of water. I don’t want that to be disturbed. Me going to work? Now that’s going to make my life a violent river and that’s not how I’m supposed to be.
I don’t want to be told that this is a delusional way of thinking, that it’s all fantasy. You are wrong. I’m proud to be a woman and I won’t have these incel feminist contemporary libbed out fools tell me I don’t get to live the life I’m supposed to have.
Wake up and stop giving into this woke agenda, it’s tearing everyone apart.

(High Cranial Volume Pr and AE Hybrid Users ONLY)
I still can't get AE to perform well on my M2 Macbook Pro running Sonoma 14.0 and AE 24.3. 32 GBs RAM — so obviously that's going to be immediate the culprit, but I do suspect that I could do pretty much anything I wanted on this computer if I could just optimize it correctly. That's what this thread is about. I know there are a million threads like this one but hopefully we can dig up some new dirt. I haven't really written about Sonoma but what I've read seems to indicate a lot of people have had issues. I'm not an OS guy I get enough of a headache with the shit I care about. Not sure if downgrading is possible. Maybe I upgrade my RAM (whoops hee hee nvm forgot i was on an apple computer).
You can stop reading there, because the rest of this is schizo nonsense. I've sobered up and I can't say that any mother would accept a child this ugly. But I'm also getting giddy at the thought of crossposting to editors and seeing what the Avid Professionals Working On Big Serious Productions With Budgets That Totally Won't Disappear in the Next 20 Years have to tell me about making some dough in exchange for the sweet intoxication of art. I also did a better job of listing my issues in my follow up comment
**Intro Apology**
**I've bolded out the sections with the mostly important shit:** I would take extra care to avoid anything that's been italicized because it is some of the most craven text ever set to paper. As if! I can't even use metaphors anymore. Will the graphic designers starve without their paper (why is it always either minimalism or hyper realism? I like texture too but not everything has to be made out of everything, or not made out of anything at all! Nature Without Ecology.)
This is just me typing and never stopping. For some reason. Well, it's no mystery. I'm avoiding anything that even resembles productivity.
I've already wasted time just stream of concussing every intrusive thought, so why would I waste more time reformatting and trimming the fat? Bahahaha I hope you like lamb. If I put forward attention to giving you direct information that effectively communicates an idea, I might just achieve nirvana. Like if I hyperfixate when I'm shitposting, then I am just going to realize the World-Spirit in-itself trying to abide by the laws of rhetorics. Let me tell you, the laws of rhetoric certainly don't make you any less schizo. How do you think we got here?
But that's the future the fucking tech bros made. And it's fucking awesome. Can't wait to be animating using my Rule 34 Paper Texture Parallax Datamosh VFX by AEAnabolics via telekinesis (is there a plugin for that?!??!)
So no I'm not going to make this thread easily accessible or interpretable because I really want anyone possessing any degree of intelligence to stay the fuck away (there are even intelligent people amidst the industry leaders, I once even met a film producer who knew how to count through 12! In any case, if everyone under 30 could exit the room, us pedants, drop outs and philistines will congregate somewhere other than all and we'll be happy to update you later with a summary of our findings.
I do apologize for the wordvomit — I took my meds abt 30 mins before I had the brilliant idea to open up a silly little text box on reddit during my awesome Pomodoro break. I had to be off the ADHD goodies for a week for some sports stuff I was trying to do which needed my heart at optimal function. Why did my doc just let me hop back on the same dose? I am emaciated from all this heavy lifting with my fingers.
Please though, don't dismiss this as pathological ravings. I am not sick, just an Adobe Creative Suite subscriber (somehow, five years later, I'm still on the student discount paying 30 bucks!!! Haha!!! Sticking it to the man!!!! Suckers!!!! Almost as bad as pouring thousands into software you don't own and can be shut out of for trumped up fraud charges if one of the cretins working at Adobe manages to actually check the accounts submitting all those pesky support tickets. Wait....)
So ya it's pretty simple: I was sunning my balls and cheating on five different women *holistically though* before taking my L-Carnitine to maximize the effects of my meth (don't worry I don't smoke it!), when I decided, yes, this Friday, with deadlines looming in the evening, I will nuke my morning by typing. and just not stopping. It's like stim sex, but literally no one is cumming. Wait, literally it's like stim sex.
Okay stop. I want you all to save the horniness for pitching to the Rule 34 Clients — the last to adopt AI in favor of authentic art and animation (bahahahhahaha I seriously do think *This whole AI thing, or at least its acceleration, can be put squarely at the feet of Gooners. They're horny and no human can create what will quench their thirst! Such a tragic condition. Like craving art that can speak to your soul. Ugh. Can't wait for Mister Horse to drop the Anime Waifu presets*.)
*(speaking of Misters, watch Mr. Rush Rush Client — who just needed this edit NOW — not even watch the video until Sunday. That rat fuck: maybe I don't have a social life huh? Maybe I don't want another shitty "underground" (as if such a thing exists anymore) rave on a Friday and a Hinge date on a Saturday?
Maybe genuine connection is dead and all some of us can love is the labor we put into our products. Or the efforts we put into our shitposts. Certainly the products themselves are far beyond loving.
Mr. Rush Rush: your 9-5 is shit and you are shit for thinking you are not a piece of shit because you force everyone to meet your fake timelines. We no longer cultivate produce, nor ideas, we just materialize urgency so the boss can larp as the boss and we can pretend society needs us to keep rhythm. It is the Master who needs the Master's Injunction. I like want to change the world man not reproduce it. I am barren.
Just let me work on Saturday. Asshole. It would have saved all of us from this post which was, of course, provoked by pure, unmediated anxiety — and absolute boredom.
*Fuck paper textures! Fuck any lower thirds that use paper textures. Shit is garbage. The elementary school audience went off to war — it's the latest Roblox minigame. So we're not even impressing anyone any more)*
Instantly — upon the epiphany that I don't owe people shit, even if they throw money at me, my brain ditched all ideals of productivity and decided it was time to write a fucking treatise on my experiences trying to optimize AE. Please do not mock me. I am an idiot. It's not worth countering snark with snark —because I can't even read. I am literally dictating this post to my iPhone and then having chatgpt re-write it. Also, I really hope some GPT or AI research tool digs up this thread. I'm sure they will wire only the relevant information to Mr. Prompter! He deserves the best. In fact he's the only one who deserves anything.
*If I was a GPT prompt I would be posing as a weird hermit who thinks he is the postmodern reincarnation of Plato. WELCOME to the republic ... of stupid — ruled under the auspices of the Kingdoms of Adobia, Resolve-ru, and Avidia (btw can we do what we did to Twitter to Avid? I just don't think it's a cool name. I'm not Avid anytime I have to use Avid. It doesn't have neurolink compatability and I can't do a million things very shitily. It just does like one thing very well. Who would ever ask for that?!?!?1*
For some reason I decided to pump up the snark to the max on this post — I hope that's okay. Maybe I want to write novels, not make videos. In any case, I promise you I'm not AI writing this. Unless ....
But at the end of the day I'm just trying to entertain myself instead of getting real work done — which I can't imagine is something a community of useless creatives would have trouble understanding. You couldn't do math good, and that's because you're lazy!!!
(Dan Ebberts if you're here I am sorry Father: but you are not a useless sack of shit motion designer, you're not making lower thirds for the Nelk Bros? You are the fucking Grand Wizard Abstract Quantum Mathematician my guy, the highest expression of the Enlightenment rationale, not a useless 2.5d animator — though I do secretly harbor a belief that all numbers are racist and you, as the Prophet of Numbers where they don't belong (computers) have a lot of reckoning to do. Guilt erotics won't get you out of this one — we don't want sorry we want solidarity!
**I'm half shitposting and half offering my own insight in exchange for yours.** I hope you don't read malice in my words. In any case I don't think myself a victim and I will be fine. Our world is about to turn nonsensical. The division of labor will collapse. Those who are both just intelligent enough to do dumb shit and lacking in morals will take everyone else's jobs. Technocracy of the morons! Somebody invite France too.
What's your intricate knowledge of a cavernous software versus my ability to write out prompts at 130 WPM? Basically, where you used to be able to get ahead with creative ingenuity you can now get ahead by typing fast. Good riddance lol. But if only we could get this piece of shit software to do everything I want it to do with not even a smidge of an attempt to optimize, pre-render, under smart principles?
But I'm hoping maybe we can have some conversations about the best practices to get this piece of shit software to work consistently. AE is so cool 90% of the time but it's like a girlfriend that's loyal to you 90% of the time. Now I'm not suggesting Adobe is cuckolding the VFX wannabes among us.^1 But I do want to say that there's a problem when your most random software that kind of just somehow works if you need how to cast a few voodoo spells and play around with different effects is literally un-professionizable. You can do amazing things in After Effects on just 16 GB of RAM (even 8 if you're willing to walk away from your computer for a fortnight for a few renders), which was so cool when I was getting started on the shitcans they hand out in college (I sound spoiled but you didn't spend the first year of your professional career on an outdated Mac Air desperately refreshing Google News for a stimulus check as literally everyone is jobless whilst you never even got a job to be jobless from. Like come on guys, if you got started in the 90s at least you have analog nostalgia and to anyone born after 95 you look like a wizard talking about chemicals and film crystals and shit. A Covid alumnus like me who graduated in 2019 doesn't get shit, and 2020 graduates didn't even get to bask in the delusion that they were ever the center of the world. I just pray UBI is installed before the robots take our land and our animals, because truly the new generation of digital creatives is going to feature some of the dumbest people to ever rank through society. Which is true in any era, but what's unique about ours is that young people are no longer angry, just cynical like they were in the 70s. Another round of hypernormalization.
**My Problem(s)
I need the experts here to just assume that I don't want to do things the right way. Every single person who has ever posted a query to Reddit, complex or one Google Search away, every single on of us cursed posters imagines that someone will waltz into their thread and provide an unheard of fix. Jesus take the wheel! I will provide more information on my specific issues, maybe even some idiosyncratic fixes I have found (Thank you Klutz GPT! But fuck you also.) but only if you show you're not going to snarkpost. Until then I will leave you to wade through the coagulated shit stew that is this post.
This is basically the situation with the people becoming editors and motion designers. Thanks Youtube. Thanks Twitch. You ruined Cinema more than capeshit did. Special shout out to the editors in the Philippines running their Macs through literal fruits Just as Mr. Jobs intended. (Don't worry, I'm from a country that is actually dogshit, the Philipines is beautiful and extraordinarily culturally rich)
The Jungle people here to take our jobs! Why aren't we worried about them like we are AI? They can do literally any job. And they can do it poorly. Literally exactly like AI, but no one getting their underwear in a twist when they're browsing the World section on Upwrok.
Don't get me started on what the Ruskiys are doing. You've seen Russian social media, but do you understand what Russian creatives are doing? Absolutely nothing, because Russian creatives don't exist. At best they can reform and reclaim their Orthodoxy in Siberia before coming back to St. Petersburg and writing some of the greatest novels known to man (which some of the absolute most dogshit interpretations and translations ever produced of any Western texts that are even close to the Canon)
Anyway, people like me are going to be around more and more. It's me you're going to be responding "CC Marvel Effect huahua" while the Gen Alpha nicotine tweaker blows clouds into your PC's air vents. Cloud bitch! You're fucked, because the anxiety from vaping makes him lazy as fuck. We are going to starve all because these fuckers got into too much of a dopamine deficit huffing shit with 5x the nicotine of cigs. If you think we're gonna take your jobs now, just wait until I grow my third arm. I will take your job. And when I grow my third cock, I will take your wife.
**I am a "creative director", that's how I market myself at least. I work in a lot of industries, make a shit ton of ads, but I think of myself primarily as a (documentary) filmmaker and editor (at this point it may be a formality and nostalgia because people just want reels and I like money).
I began packaging documentary projects with commercial packages, so the idea has been to first tell someone I'll make a doc for them, but along the way I can use the extra edits and unused interviews or just any of the millions of unused bits of a documentary/reality project and recycle it into ads.** You wouldn't believe how well this works on someone with a little bit of ego and a little bit of money. Netflix really convinced the chuds that their life is like a documentary lol. It's okay, not everyone can monetize their passion, or have it ripped out of their hands to transform itself from quasi art (or something challenging art) to a glorified mouthpiece for mediocre wannabes and has-beens. Bring back the Birth of the Nation or that movie about the Nazi architecture, Will, Will, what was it called? Anyway, I really thought I was going to make shit about dictators or like some genuinely awful people. Instead I got all of the delusion and none of the murder, just a bunch of whining about Instagram follower counts and the "blacklist" (I really wish they'd post a sign up, because I don't want to be seen. For real.)**
** I won't claim expertise as a motion designer. And for the sake of all that is holy you can and should call me a highfalutin dilettante with talent to produce nothing except derivative drivel (I mean, I I told you I worked in documentary right?). **
**But please, please, just assume that I may just not *want* to do things the right way.** ^@
**I know I should label and rename my files. But we're way beyond that, I have become one with Solid 1, to Solid 1 + N. I am going to get last in my comps and no I'm not going to Shy anything because I am an ALPHA! (Seriously though if you are a talentless unorganized adhd piece of shit editor and wannabe filmmaker like me, there's a plugin called Declutter which will automatically sort your project: it offers decent customization that could be helpful if you are just torpedoing a bunch of Linked Comps into AE like we're in the Pacific Theater. But with this magic hack, all those dismembered and charred bits of corpse gets insta sorted into the proper bin! And now your project panel doesn't look like shit and you can screen record while you troubleshoot some issues with an Adobe representative without feeling embarrassed. (maybe if he see it, we can get some sorting function that automatically puts comps in a specific folder (or files of any type into a pre-ordained folder, either in Pr or Ae would be cool. It's not like there are a million plugins that do the exact same shit. I'd rather anime ai waifu available at the click of a button though. What will the Gooners' do if we ever dare stop production?!?1
**Every problem I have had could be improved or entirely eliminated with a proper workflow solution. I am like really painfully aware of that. **
**I have shat blood figuring out how to make Pr Pro work consistently. That's my main app yo. I've genuinly poured hours into unlearning and relearning how to do things. I hope I can like put together an advanced guide some day. But like what's the point if the client who thinks he wants an editor actually wants to see his name and his logo animated in 10 different ways? And you know, I used to be content to produce that auto shit. But the more I animate, the more keyframes I ease (if you tell me you can ease in Pr I am going to smack the shit out of you unless it's to reccomend this
Frankly, AE is such a shitshow. It's old as fuck in a way that none of the other major apps are. Like Photoshop feels stuck in the 90s in the same way but at least its code isn't fucked beyond belief and it's relatively easy to diagnose problems (maybe you need to put more thought into performance for something that generates 24 images a second, but who knows? Not Adobe. Btw, wtf is up with caches in PS? Why are they so fucking greedy for all my data. Fuck you I want space and to have you open in the background. Seriously PS is old and I feel like no one points it out because you can just use Illustrator but fuck that I can't draw mfer)**
**I am going to be spending the next three weeks making animations for about 50 reels, to pair with some other branding deliverables for Youtube and the client's website. It's a huge project and one that I scored by advertising a diverse skill set (I apologize to the specialists but we're all going to have to adjust to foreigners in our lands — if you're American this should sound like a founding ideal more than a problem).
Or so I get the job done: don't get me wrong I cringe when people come in here and ask about making AE faster and it's clear they know nothing and didn't even bother to Google. I have Googled and spent a lot of frustrating hours trying to make shit work that just didn't work.**
Ultimately, if I don't slap on effects until I have the bulk of my animation rendered, and avoid working in 3d for no reason and tread carefully when I do, then I should be good.
But I love the 3D camera. As a filmmaker it's probably my favorite tool in AE because there's actually somewhat transferable skills or a demand for vision (and when Pr's shitty AI takes off and filmmaking becomes glorified prompt writing everyone is going to stop asking for real cameras anyway so might as well accept my fate right now and bin my C70 next to all of the piece of shit analog cameras no one uses anymore and just buy as many 3d camera plugins and softwares as I can, right? Right?! Hello Cinema 4D 8) ). Parallax is fucking awesome bro. I want to receive joy when I work, so ya I'll throw on deep glow and SS3. Am I a terrible person? Probably. I just want you to know, before you offer me solutions, that I want to have my cake and eat it too and frankly I am going to give you snark if you solve one problem but create another.
(for some reason) continued in the comments. Tbh the comment is more useful than this post. I'm just having a bad day guys and retreating into words to escape my problems.

I always worry that my obsession with this subject is using up my time in the one life I have fussing about a life that simply may not be there. But I don’t know what to do about that, so the next best thing is to try to get to grips with what we appear to have, warts and all. In doing this, I believe the project requires brutal honesty, a setting aside of almost ALL our assumptions concerning the subject, and then a strong sober look at “ok, what do we have”. Do we have anything? Well, maybe. We also have some elephants in the house, which we seem very reluctant to look at, but which we have to look at if we want to deal with the realities here.
Elephant number one: 85% of people who pass near death have no near death experience. This is a biggie. How come the majority of people who come close have no experience? I don’t hold any truck with the idea that they are all secretly having experiences but “can’t remember them”. That is so obviously a damage limitation argument that I won’t waste any time on it. It would be one thing if 15% of people DIDN’T have an experience, but 15% being the people who DO is a serious problem.
Alright so let’s bite the bullet and assume that what we seem to have is what we actually have, only 15% have experiences. It does suggest that NDEs are the special case and not the norm. In other words, the norm is simply to pass across to whatever at actual death, assuming there is something to pass across to. NDEs seem aimed at the living and those who are returning to life.
Elephant number two: NDEs are not particularly prevalent in the elderly. You may not be aware of this, but look into it, if you doubt my word. Of course the elderly do score higher on deathbed visions, visitations in hospice, etc, but in actual NDES they score much lower. Again, so far as near death experiences are concerned at least, it seems the phenomenon has its eyes on the younger person, presumably when there is still some life left to be influenced.
Elephant number 3: We spend very little of our time talking about other life forms. And this is a serious failing. If there is going to be a cosmic truth featuring all consciousness, how could those forms be left out? Yet name me the experience that involves llamas, or sharks, or cobras, or wild boars. So are these creatures there in the afterlife or not? And if they are, what would they be? I think what this shows up is that we are asking the question in the wrong way. If there IS a way, then in some sense all of these shapes are temporary reflections of consciousness. It makes no sense to grant permanence to the shapes, only to the shaper (if anything)
Elephant number 4: There is no time. But what does this mean, really? It could mean one of several things. If time were considered an acting “force” then without this force you could not experience any of the phenomena of time, such as event or causation, in much the same way, if there were no gravity, we could not experience the phenomena of gravity, such as weight and being on a ground. It could also mean that we aren’t subject to time as an external force but time could still take shape if we started an event sequence. But this does mean that events would not be generally connected in a causal sequence. For instance, let’s say you and I in our spirit bodies went for a stroll by a spirit river. We couldn’t later have a “memory” of this event because there would be no general later.
Elephant number 5: suffering and pointless lives. This is a big one for me. It is plainly evident, for anyone willing to look, that many people’s lives consist of pointless suffering,, meaning that there is no one driving this goddamn show. As well, animals are just as prone to lives of short, pointless suffering as humans. Conceivably this suffering might contribute to long term evolution on this planet. It is difficult to see it contributing to much of anything else. Moreover, it makes a mockery of planned lives. Who is going to plan a life where their parents are shot by robbers while they are still an infant in the cot and then the infant dies of starvation because no one came until it is too late? (just one of many examples that could be taken).
So again, if we are to AVOID ASSUMPTIONS, are there any hopeful or positive takeaways from these facts?
Yes. 1) we are here. This is already something of a miracle. And if we can be here once then we could be here again, or for that matter somewhere else, again, in a different form. It’s not so completely impossible.
2) On the other hand, although we are here, our existence seems entirely spontaneous and unplanned. We seem to “pop up” like daisies in a field, and the daisies are either fortunate enough to be in a patch of sunlight and grow, or else unfortunate enough to be under a hoof and snapped before they’ve even had a chance to flower. That does not speak of planning to me. It speaks of a universe where raw consciousness is a “force” perhaps, but paradoxically not a very aware force. Or, at least not very aware yet.

We have one son 6 months old, wife is at home. She has back pain after birth, I contribute to everything besides washing clothes and organizing babys clothes. I try to be there for her but she says I say and do stupid things. That I annoy her and that I always do something and never do something. She doesn't feel, see, or admit even 0000,1% of her guilt or contribution in our issues. I am to blame for everything. She is loving and caring for our baby. I told her I will speak to a psychologist and tell our situation and ask the psychologist what I am doing wrong and what I should do better to fix things between us. She tells me that a psychologist won't be able to give me answers or help me on that (she is a psychologist herself). Anyone who went through this and what is happening? I am confused and I want to make things better but the more time and effort I give, the more blame I get.

As the title suggests, but I'm hoping somebody has some advice on this.
For some context, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and we have lived together for about 6 months. So far we have been very open and honest with each other, we have a very healthy and loving relationship. And I consider myself very lucky. We've talked about future together, especially getting married someday owning a home and having a family.
Recently, his parents are going through a rough divorce. He also has a bad relationship with his father. Today, I was helping him move things out of his childhood home, which his parents are selling. As we were moving things, I mentioned he could keep some of his childhood toys for when we have kids. Then he said he wasn't sure he wanted to have kids. Of course I was taken aback by this and immediately shocked and a little upset so I asked him what he meant. He brought up how this whole divorce is messing with him and how he views kids as taking away your freedom and he referenced his only friend who is married to a very controlling woman. This friend also has kids. And he said he never sees this friend anymore and his friend isn't allowed to do anything. I expressed that it's unhealthy to compare relationships to ours because we don't have that dynamic and neither one of us are controlling over the other.
He then said after I talked a little bit more about how he knows I want kids someday he said that it was a no right now (like having a baby at this present moment- which I agree to bc I want to get married and travel first). But he said he's open to it in the future.
I don't know if I'm overreacting, but it just is confusing and given my age I don't want to invest if he's just going to say in a few years that he still doesn't want kids. Does anyone have any advice ?
I love him and I have been thinking about a future with him since before we moved in and I always thought we were on the same page . I don't know if I should give him Grace because everything he's going through, but I also don't want to put my needs/hopes on the back burner either.

I'm asking because I'm weird sometimes and don't know if I'm being weird here.
This is for a tech position on a team that employs a lot technology so my expectation is that an ideal candidate will have some overlap with the tech stack - but not all, and will be competent in the areas they know and willing to learn the ones they don't.
To be clear, I'm not talking about a video interview. I have no interest in what the candidates look like and can determine if they have the requisite social skills in an interview.
I've found that people, especially in this field, sometimes people forget things in an interview and I'm not looking for people that can give a perfect on the spot presentation so I think this "homework" would benefit people. I think of it as more of a guided addition to their resume tailored to the role, than free labor.
For example if I am saying we need people with experience with nginx, apache, mysql, and postgres and someone indicates they have experience with nginx and mysql then I might ask some broad questions about how you would configure nginx as a webserver, or how you would set up high availability mysql. Open ended stuff that opens up talking points for the interview.
Curious if that makes sense or if people would find that offensive similar to a video one way interview.

Which was kinda odd, but i do listen to a wide range of genres and also lot of folky type stuff...
anyway, I was sitting there working, listening and kinda head tilting, just thinking, wtf? is this some Waylon track I've never heard...hmmm. This is really not my thing. weeeeeellll....lemme listen to that voice a little more...
And then throughout the week as that playlist kept repeating, I kept getting sucked in to that song. And if you know me, this is a bit odd--generally not my style. But his voice, goddammit, was killing me dead. So I clicked on his page and started listening.
And that was all she wrote. How TF had this artist NEVER come on my radar? I guess I live in a bubble...tho I do go to a large bluegrass festival every year, I have friends in Nashville, and somehow, literally really never heard of him... I dunno. Cracks me up because now I'm such a convert it's ridiculous. I dive in and I fall HARD...so here we are. I'm listening to him on podcasts, I watch a ton of live stuff on YT, etc...I'm on the presale list to do an 8 hour drive to OKC in October. I'm peeing my pants I'm so excited.
I am now served up on a jelly donut for this musician.
Just so funny, that THAT was the tune that turned me. I love it all, so grateful for the discovery.
Cannot wait to see what Johnny Blue Skies brings.

Maybe it's a matter of playful roasts as a way of showing affection. Maybe it's about very straight forward communication. Regardless, if we end up hurting the people around us or making them feel small, we need to become self aware and change. Here are the things that have worked for me:

1. Be attentive. This is easier for the more outgoing and intuitive signs; Sagittarians are usually very capable of this, our issue being that we have our heads in the clouds, are aloof/detached and/or are focused on other things. I struggle with reading body language and tone of voice (autistic lol), but have found that I'm even signigicantly better at reading people's eyes than neurotypicals. If I make an effort to stay aware of how the look in their eyes change based on my words and actions, I usually know where they're at. If you struggle with this, a good thumb rule is to avoid roasting people who don't roast you back, and testing the water by making veeery light roasts at first to see how they react to that. When it comes to bluntness, and you struggle with intuition, you can go straight to point two.
   
2. Communicate. Make sure people around you know that you truly want them to let you know if you ever make them feel hurt, invalidated, bossed around or uncomfortable. Like, really emphasize it. Tell them that you know you come off that way sometimes, that you respect them, want them to feel seen and comfortable around you and care about their feelings and opinions. If it's about having a tendency of coming off as arrogant and bossy, start making a habit out of asking questions about their ideas, wants and opinions, and actually listen. Try to compromise if they disagree even after having had an mutually open discussion; even when it doesn't feel like the most logical way of doing something, meeting them halfway is usually worth it. Also, if you're wanna critisize or give people advice simply cause you care, ASK if they want help or advice. And if they reject it, don't assume you know what's best for them, let them figure it out on their own.
   
3. Think before you speak. This can be hard for more unfiltered people (like my ADHD Sag ass), but it's not undoable. If you're gonna point something out, ask yourself if it might hurt that person. If so, figure out how to say it in a way that doesn't make them feel attacked. If there is a risk of hurting them, you should also ask yourself if it's necessary to say anything at all. Is it gonna do more harm than good? Then stay quiet about it, unless they ask for your opinion. Not stating your opinion when it's unasked for and uneccessary isn't the same as being dishonest.
   
4. Take accountability if you hurt them/made them feel disrespected. Explaining your intentions is good and all, but you need to recognize that their feelings are valid and let them know you feel that way. Apologize and assure them that you will do your very best to do better in the future, and then actually put in that effort (don't promise something you're not sure you can live up to though - chances are you'll mess up at some point; we're only human, and things like this can take time). I also make sure to thank people for telling me, and express appreciation for their honesty. Bringing up that shit is hard for a lot of people, so make sure to give them cred for it.
   
5. Balance it up with compliments, appreciation, validation and reassurance, even if someone thinks your roasts are fun or ask for constructive criticism. Seriously. Giving people positive affirmations is important even with people you don't playfully make fun of or critisize, but it's VITAL when you do.
   

Do as you wish with this advice - but it works for me. If anyone has anything to add, please do. ❤️

I posted here just over 2 weeks ago saying I wasn't sure if I was ready to make the call, but our lease is done at the end of this month so it'd be a lot more complicated if I waited and said something with a fresh lease already signed. A few days after that I knew there was no way to be with him any longer, but I kept delaying looking for the right time. He was busy with work or I didn't want to do it too close to bedtime so we could process a bit before worrying about the shared bed. Today he has a day off and I planned it. Before I told him I told some friends that it was happening today so I couldn't back out. I don't think I could've done it sober so I had 2 shots at like 10am which feels really gross but I'm not really a drinker to begin with. I told him as soon as he was up and moving.
The first thing he said was "this is a conversation I should be wearing pants for" as he was still in just his boxers. When he came back to the livingroom 2 minutes layer his first questions were how long did I know and does this mean I was never attracted to him. I explained (with a slightly shortened time frame of knowing because I felt bad about stringing him along for a couple extra weeks) and said I was attracted to him foe the vast majority of our time. He kept telling me he was proud and that I'm brave and we agreed that we're still best friends and the relationship wasn't a waste of time or anything bad. I still do love him, just not in a romantic way, and once the dust has settled he's also interested in remaining good friends. I'm going to stay at my parents for a night or 2, then spend the next few weeks on the couch or a camping pad in the office (he's trying to offer me the bed but I can't do that to him on top of this). We were making jokes through the tears and we plan to at least finish the show we've been binging (last season) in the next few weeks while we live together.
I wish I didn't have to do this but I know we both deserve to be with someone we love and who loves us in a compatible way. I've always gotten into serious relationships faster than I've meant to after a breakup so I'm going to have to be careful about that, but I do want to date casually this summer once I've had some time to process everything. My hope is that I can finally buy a small apartment for myself in the next year or so since he wasn't ready to buy a place but now that I need less space it's an option.

Hey guys!
I would appreciate your help or advice on this matter. For this situation, let us consider my name is Sunny.
I live in the US and have been here for two years. A few days back, my father got a WhatsApp call from Pakistan number (+92), and the person asked him questions in a furious and rough tone. He was asking him things such as 'Sunny aapke kya lagte hai' - which translates to 'How are you related to Sunny.' My father sensed a fake call, cut it, and called me immediately. Later, we checked on Truecaller, and the callers Whatsapp DP was a man wearing a cop uniform. I told my dad not to worry as it was a fraud call, and the matter was closed then.
But yesterday, my grandmother got a WhatsApp call from someone impersonating me! It was shocking. The person who was impersonating me was saying things like 'I am coming to India Bua Ji', I am sick'. My grandmother knew it was fishy, so she asked the person to switch on his video as she did not believe it. He made an excuse; she cut the call and called me up.
This incident has worried my family and me. What can I do from here, and what can I ask my parents to do? Can I use any portal to report this incident and their numbers? I'm worried about how these people get the numbers.
Do help me out!

My bf and I have been dating for over a year and a half and recently we just started doing medium/ long distance and will have to so for the next year. I feel like since starting this he’s just forgotten about me and I’ve brought it up to him several times but I feel like he doesn’t get it as nothing has really changed. For example, day to day he often forgets to text me, in the past month any FaceTime is initiated by me. He insists he loves talking to me and will get better but he just doesn’t seem to. I last saw him 4 days ago and just wanted to see how long it would take for him to reach out and FaceTime first but he hasn’t yet. And on the bigger scale, he often makes plans without asking if I want to be included. For example, a long weekend is coming up and I thought we had made plans to spend it together, and he actually arranged plans for him and his friends to spend it together because ours were not confirmed yet (which feels stupid because he knew we were making the plans). And he only said I could also join and spend it with him and his friends after I basically had to invite myself.
I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not. He says over and over again that I am the most important thing to him and that he will make me feel more included in his life but I just havnt really felt it yet. It hasn’t been that long yet I guess but I just feel incredibly lonely. Generally before long distance I didn’t feel that way but that’s because we saw each other everyday. It’s like if he can’t see me he just forgets.
TL;DR! Since starting medium/ long distance, it just feels like my boyfriend forgets about me. Do I give it time or what should I say to him?

Thanks for this great post. There is a lot to unpack here.
I do tend to play devil's advocate a lot - not for the sake of "argument", but just to practice (and encourage the practice of) adopting different points of view. Additionally, I would say my experience has led me to a differing point of view with you, and that's okay. Ultimately, in this regards, I completely agree with WillingnessGeneral69 when they said...

However, here's my take. Not official AA or CoDA, but I like to think it's an experienced opinion.
OP said...

That is a natural and understandable interpretation of what is happening, to be sure. But I would respectfully disagree. It only reduces the person down to the disease or condition IF they let it. I could run down a list of dozens of adjectives, conditions or statuses that apply to me, but I am not just those things. I am not my name either, that name is a label or symbol that stands for me. All those things may be a part of my identity, or they may be passing coincidences. But none of them are me; I am a combination of those things, along with my past, my will, my mind, my body and my soul.
One of the purposes of the repetition is to try to fully integrate (or display that the integration has succeeded) a concept that is a very bitter pill for most people to swallow. It is natural for people to resist deep acknowledgment and acceptance of any condition that requires a twelve step program. And especially with the substance abuse 12-steps, if there is no deep acceptance (step 1), there can be no meaningful or lasting sobriety. It's acknowledgement that one's point of progress is greater than their disdain for the stigma of whatever the shared negative condition is. It's also a sign that one is more likely to be more accepting of those in the meeting, not putting up the barrier of "well, I'm not as far gone as you, so I don't know if I can get anything out of this meeting, or program".
Because plenty of people go to these meetings because they "might" be need help with... whatever the meeting is for. And alot of fencestraddlers are deep down, looking to find something that tells them... "see, I'm not like them, I don't fit in here, I can go back to doing things my way, and find a different solution to my problem". Looking for a justification, not a solution. Not everyone, but it's very common in my experience.
Or to put it another way, Step 1 can be thought of as "I can't", step 2: "He can", step 3: "I'll let Him". And when an alcoholic identifies him or herself at a meeting this way, he or she is telling the meeting "I'm not fighting it in that way we all do to an extent when we first come into the rooms". I do agree, it is a little less appropriate in CoDA than it is in substance based meetings - that is my opinion, as the codependent condition is notoriously nebulous. Let us not forget, this program was adapted from AA. I believe the founders endeavor only to modify as little as possible, only where needed. Just to be sure they don't change too much and lose effectiveness.
It's not meant to be identity defining, but it is an avenue of identifying with one another, and that's very important.
When one feels it is accurate and acceptable, it is good to put modifiers around it. I'm Rando, and I'm a grateful and happy Codependent. Or if we wanted to dabble in political advocacy... I'm Rando, and I'm a person in long term recovery from substance abuse and codependency. It shows a degree of triumph. A humble brag. It says "If I can do it, you can too."
By the way, I got that second one from the documentary "The Anonymous People", which focuses on addiction as much as it focuses on stigma, and stigma is sort of related to this convo, I believe. Free on kanopy.com, if your library district participates.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqoEtUn0Agw
https://www.kanopy.com/en/product/anonymous-people
For many, pride (or hatred of the stigma, and it's low status and perceived weakness) can be a barrier to acceptance. I've seen it happen to people.... and those people aren't with us anymore. Humility, much like gratitude, is developed with practice, and repetition.

That is interesting. Just to rule out typos... are you saying you removed the contraction (I'm/I am) and it helped your perspective in this matter? Not being sarcastic or judgmental, I'm just making sure I understand. If so, very cool.

Well before her and I met she had an ex situationship she was on and off with for a year and would try to talk to someone new and he would be in the background. Then two relatives rando died and he was a dick about it and then she spent a weekend with his family and he said they weren’t gonna date and she thought she was in love and told me it was just girl talk and two months later met me. And then apparently was texting him while talking to me asking him why basically why he wouldn’t commit for the most part and we weren’t exclusive then. I then caught her in a lie about snapping him cause we were dating a month later from the above paragraph, and then she said she wanted to be civil and told me about some meet up to talk things through to move past it and they met up once with me knowing and where etc.
Fast forward five months and she wants me to be friends with him saying she wants to civil or like be friends with him and it was so awkward and her saying she was always better friends with him and then I shut it down after getting extremely uncomfortable and she agreed that was weird.
Another time goes by she goes away comes back I get a gut feeling and she was snapping him and “forgot to tell me” and sent photos of her trip and asked do you regret what you did to me and not dating me.
I almost dumped her, she was crying saying she needed closure and never told me because she knew I’d dump her I talked to our families and they agreed that she just needed closure and struggled with it.
She blocked and unfollowed and we had a great year and a half after and moved across the country with me 5 months ago, and it was a hard time after the first two months cause I had someone pass away.
Then she randomly changed her passwords and didn’t tell me to be fair I made comments hinting that she was like cheating without actually and said that was the reason then the fighting started about me needing more efforts and love etc. we broke up cause she “had a gut feeling something ain’t right “ and said she felt like a friend at times and I didn’t fully trust her. Then a week later refollowed the guy lies about it and say I would never go back.
I also think the seriousness spooked her like engagement she has no idea what to do with her life she feels to young spooked about sharing cars and finances. And doesn’t feel excited about engagement and I should be lucky that this is happening now then two years down the line and can’t look at my family when she has these doubts
But still said she loves me and attracted to me and I’m her best friend while crying and I asked her if the x had anything to do with it multiple times and she said no
She sent me a long paragraph last week I didn’t respond, can anyone read through this and help guide through my thoughts so I can process

Hello,
So I have been (unjustly) put on a PIP three months in a work work permit-sponsored 32K job in England. I cleared multiple rounds in the interviews and also passed 3 month probation with the employer. However 3.5 months in they have put me in a PIP (PIP did not officially start yet but I have been informed of this and HR is involved). Being dismissed or resigning would mean I have to leave the UK, until I find another work permit sponsored job. The stakes are very high.
The issues started with budget over runs primarily, I kinda messed up and take accountability. However, I am also within my remit to say the budget over runs happened because I haven’t received sufficient training. I had pick things up on the job, which means client work getting delayed / budget over runs. They say I have prior experience and should know this stuff already however I am ‘green’ grade staff / lowest paid staff grade at the firm.
Now they have started to do somethings they haven’t done before. They email me everything / creating an evidence trail. In the emails, they allocate time for each task, 1hr or 2hr - basically if I don’t meet deadline for each specific task, that’s documented evidence of my perceived incompetence and could be used to dismiss me. I am 3.5 months into the job. I have requested for support instead of putting in any support they are putting me in a high pressure environment. They conducted a random review meeting and basically shredded me into pieces / insulted me saying I am ‘not even a green’ (green is least paid staff grade).
Also my contractual work base is in Liverpool but I am being asked (forced) to go to the firm’s offices in Manchester, Chester, Crewe, client sites etc, even though there is a hybrid work policy of wfh 2 days. I guess they are trying to monitor me. They are very small minded and micromanagers. One day I got feedback that I keep looking at computer screen (reviewing work files) instead of actually writing findings for client reports. In upcoming weeks, I have been scheduled to work from different offices in different cities, which makes travel so much harder for me, and the work is already cumbersome. Sometimes I go to these offices and the colleagues don’t even talk to me - I just do my own work- they just want me there in front of their eyes for oversight. I am also poc and on a visa - in my probation, the company fired three colleagues who were poc and on visa.
I think my employer is forcing unreasonable expectations on me, as someone on lowest staff grade and 3.5 months in, also having to go regional offices which are not my contractual work base. All under the banner of ‘support’ following performance issues relating to things I wasn’t trained for. Specially with the new emails of time allocation etc, in context of everything, are they setting the stage for constructive dismissal?
Can someone please help? I desperately want to leave and have been actively applying but the visa situation forces me to stay. I have a feeling they will dismiss me eventually anyway but the months I am in PIP they are making my life hell.
Thanks in advance.

The s*x life of my boyfriend (30m) and I (29f) had been seriously lacking for about 6/7 months. We’ve been together for two years and I understand things cool down to a certain extent, but I was very frustrated when we went two full months of no s*x. The thing is he is using korn every night. Four months ago I brought it up (lack of s*x, not korn) because his obvious lack of interest was making me feel very insecure about myself. He said it was ‘him’ and he wasn’t feeling very attractive. It’s true he had maybe gained some weight, but I really doubted his excuse and still felt it was me.
There was nothing off between us except for the fact that it was clear he was more into using korn every night then s*x with me - Getting along great, still cuddly/kissy/sweet and honestly loving, having fun together and apart. Note: His ‘apart’ mostly consists of cards at our house with like 6 other guys once a week and also basketball one night a week, but of course he has drinks with friends every once in awhile (same). We have each other’s location, never suspected any other women. Together we have dinner or drinks with friends a few times a month and a couple date nights just to ourselves.
He got a new phone a few months ago, but kept his old one and specifically used it for korn and kept it in his bedside drawer. He knows I know where it is and is aware I could look at it at anytime. After the two full months of no s*x, mentioning my frustration to him and him and him brushing it off I finally decided to look.
Checked his messages, not updated as of the last 2 months, but nothing. Checked his IG/DM’s which is still active and updated, nothing. Checked his FB messages which is active and updated, nothing. I opened up the browser expecting kornhub or something like that but was met with OF’s. The dates of him opening the account lined up with our lack of s*x. Nothing crazy in regards to money spent, but definitely consistency. From what he was sending in the messages I wouldn’t have believed it was him if it weren’t for some pretty specific details. No particular type of girl, pretty broad range. I was mostly pissed at what he was saying he would “do” to these women. Things I would have LOVED for him to do to me. So why is he telling them these things and not me? Lazy? It’s just about saying it not actually falling through with it? I can understand it all if he was also having s*x with me/putting in that effort (that isn’t apparently effort when just saying it to women online) with me. He had also insinuated that he would want to see these women in real life and for them to come to the city we live, which for me is very much in cheating territory.
That night he had plans to go out for a few drinks with coworkers, so I texted him to see if I could join. Since he works an hour away and I was texting him just 30 minutes before he would be off he said it didn't make sense for me to drive there to end up having just one drink and drive an hour back. He offered to grab drinks when he was back in town. This seemed reasonable, except he ended up staying at the bar for 3 hours, which would have been worth the drive. He didn't text me about staying longer and I would normally wouldn’t have a problem with this – I myself find this freedom important in a relationship, but of course you need trust. I texted him a few times, which he ignored and that’s something I am not ok with and does not make me trust you. I know this because I went his IG on his old phone and he had sent a meme to a guy friend during the time I was texting him so he was clearly ignoring me. I made his status able to be seen on his IG so I could tell him I could see that he was on his phone and ignoring me. I was pretty accusatory on the phone so he was just as defensive.
When he got home I said nothing and continued to not mention the OF’s. A few days later after he had used the phone a few times I opened the browser again. This time posts/conversations on Reddit in mostly swingers threads. He posted explicit photos of us having s*x (no faces, couldn’t tell who we were) and was having conversations about swinging with different men/couples. This floooooored me. The worst of it was him “trading” n*ude photos of me with different men for photos of their wives. I’m pretty sure this is where any person in their right mind would leave.
I can imagine most people would also just blow up, but I am just not comfortable doing that. I get really distracted with raised voices and people talking in circles and all the extreme emotions. So I took screen shots of the OF’s and Reddit posts/convo’s, put it in a PDF and added my thoughts/emotions/questions. Pretty much how betrayed I was, what I needed him to stop/delete/horrified by (Unauthorized sharing of photos of me), and what I think was fine in regards porn IF he was able f*ck me and keep me satisfied.
I mean I knew no matter what things would result in yelling and tears, but he started off with telling me I was ‘psychotic’ for basically presenting all the info in a power point. He knows I express my thoughts/emotions better when I type if up and I think this would give him more clarity as well. He was defensive and felt 'attacked' although I did my best to avoid that because I really wanted to have an honest productive conversation about it all. He apologized for the Reddit stuff, kind’ve unforgivable, but we’ll see. I'm fine with whatever he was wants to do on OF's as long as I am being kept satisfied – S*x is truly one of my top priorities in a relationship. The success of that has a large reliance on me feeling very much 'desired.' If there is no basis in that there is nothing for me to work with.
AITA for going through his phone and instead of being more direct about what I need? Is it ‘psychotic’ for me to put this all together in a PDF? Or is he clearly a cheating a**hole and I’m ignoring all the glaring red flags?

Hi all,
I’ve seen a couple of medical questions on here, so I’m just hoping to get a bit of advice.
I’m UK based, and I’m looking to get my class 1 medical soon. I am asthmatic, and I’ve had to visit A&E once before as a consequence of breathing difficulties. This was as a result of being exposed to pepperspray (long story, but I wasn’t the target!). Other than that instance, my asthma has always been very minor.
I’m aware that asthma is not a disqualifying factor if well-controlled.
I’ve tried reading up online, but I’ve found the info on disqualifying factors to be quite contradictory in places. Has anyone here obtained their medical whilst being asthmatic? And do you have any idea if an A&E visit, given the context, would be an automatic disqualification? Some sources seem to say yes, and others no. How lenient are medical examinations when it comes to this sort of thing?
Thanks!

Ranting but I’m a band 5 nurse on a ward which has quite a close relationship with the physio team. One of their band 7s is such a busybody and constantly trying to boss the HCAs and junior nurses around, and looking for faults for every little thing they’re doing (why are you sitting down go and clean, why arent all the patients dressed etc). Which she will then report to the ward manager. I find this unbelievable as she’s absolutely not a nurse. And it would be unacceptable for our ward manager to start bossing the physio assistants about
She has an issue with me and my “uniform” and infection prevention control. This is the first thing she will ever say to me. Sometimes she gets quite angry with me as I don’t do as she’s asked me to do and fix this part of my uniform. Fair enough I know I am breaking infection control uniform policy (but not getting into that) but it’s not her place to boss me around and be so rude about it. As I have not done as she has asked, she has started bitching about me to her colleagues as well as my colleagues. This woman is at least double my age
It’s honestly made me not want to work here anymore. I don’t want to work in a place where people twice my age are gossiping about me. I get that uniform policies and infection control policies are there for a reason, and most of them I absolutely do follow, but some of them take the piss, and the way a lot of people approach these issues is just horrible

sorry this is probably the longest vent in actual history but i really REALLY need to talk. i cried the whole time writing this lmao
general tw
i know a lot of people feel the same and insecurity about looks is real common but i genuinely think i have body dysmorphia or something because for years i’ve just felt so fucking ugly and unlovable. i barely have any friends but the friends i DO have are all so fucking naturally pretty and i always feel like the ugly one. nobody ever hits on me (which i guess makes me kinda lucky actually cuz there are some weirdos out there) but i just wish i wasn’t so fucking ugly. my skin isn’t clear, my eyes are boring, my face is asymmetrical, i’m short i’m not skinny i’m not pale i’m not funny i’m not interesting i’m not social i’m not talented i’m not cute i’m not hot i’m not fit i’m not smart i’m not ENOUGH and i just feel like i’m rotting. i hate seeing people who are naturally pretty because i immediately compare myself to them and wish i didn’t look like this and sometimes i even get angry. what the fuck did i ever do to be so much uglier than everyone else?
every time i see a couple or think of someone romantically i realise i will never have anything like that. nobody will ever like me back and i will never be more than friends with anyone. every time i think about what it’d be like to date someone or what my ideal partner would be like, i overthink it and realise they’d never like me back because of my appearance.
every time i see someone pretty i get jealous and wish i could be them. i wish i could go out in public without wondering what i look like and worrying about what other people are thinking. i wish i could hear people laughing without immediately thinking they’re laughing at me. or hear people muttering or whispering and not think they’re talking about me or feel like people are staring at me or internally thinking i’m ugly. at this point i think i’d rather be fucking dead than live like this because i physically can’t.
pretty privilege is real. if you look at celebrities and famous people and actors they’re all people generally seen as pretty. if you aren’t pretty, you’re immediately put at a disadvantage over something you can’t control. remember that fucking guy who committed actual murder and people on tiktok wanted to free him because he was cute? i know it’s tiktok but if he wasn’t considered cute they’d be encouraging the fucking death sentence. and there are always pretty people out there saying it’s all about confidence and a good diet and loving yourself but lemme tell you, that shit is a lot easier if you actually feel comfortable in your own skin. it just isn’t fair. if you’re born ugly there’s not much you can do, but if you’re born pretty you already have the upper hand.
and it’s even with FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. i know they aren’t real and are often designed to look pretty but i get jealous of ACTUAL ANIMATED PEOPLE because they’re pretty. especially with crushing on fictional characters cuz i know they’d be way out of my league if they actually existed and they’d hate me to fuckin death. i use c.ai a lot and sometimes when i’m talking to a character on there i suddenly remember that i’m ugly and this sort of thing would never happen irl, regardless of if the rp is platonic or romantic. they’d hate me. i know it’s really fucking sad that i’m so attached to people who don’t even EXIST but i don’t care.
and i feel like my social anxiety makes it even worse. on top of being fucking ugly, i can’t even talk to people normally unless i’m really good friends with them. a lot of the time when i talk to a new person or someone i don’t know well i almost start tearing up at the thought of how they perceive me because i know they think i’m ugly or annoying or weird or too quiet or offputting.
i’m still a week away from being 16 so i know i have a long way to go and i’m still just a teenager but everyone i know my age is so fucking pretty, if not average. i can’t think of anyone i know who i consider ugly and i feel so out of place. i feel wrong. i feel like there’s something wrong with me because i’m so ugly and everyone is out of my league and i wish i was invisible. i wish i could get hit by a train or something. how are some people so lucky? i feel like pretty people take it for granted how beautiful they are. i know i probably sound so selfish for wishing i looked better but it’s all i can think about. i can’t even take selfies and i hate looking at pictures people take of me because i’m scared of seeing myself.
and i’m tired of all that motivational bs like ‘love yourself’ or ‘looks don’t matter’ they do. looks matter. people treat you better if you look good. and it’s always pretty people who tell you that being pretty doesn’t matter. and i’m just fucking sick of it all.
i know i probably sound edgy or ungrateful or selfish or like i’m complaining too much and i’m sorry but i really needed to get this out of my system.
tldr - i’m ugly and want to kms

I’m looking for actual advice. I want to be a mom who feels calm and low-stress, but I find myself irritated almost all the time. For some context, my 26 month old has a huge vocabulary and talks and asks questions ALL THE TIME. I cannot overstate how constantly he talks and asks questions. It’s constantly, “Mama where are we going?” “Why?” “Who will be there?” “Will X person be there?” “Will Y person be there?” “Why not?” “Where is Y person?” and on and on forever and ever amen.
In my heart, I know that he is just doing his job to be curious and explore the world. But my head wants to yeet itself from my body. It feels intensely exhausting to almost never be able to finish a private thought in my head. Sometimes we’ll say things to him like, “My brain is tired and wants a rest from talking” or “I’m all done answering questions for 5 minutes,” but it never lasts long, and it makes me sad to ask him to be quiet. How do I find a balance here? How can I shift my perspective? How do I get closer to feeling and behaving like the mom I want to be?
Another part of me feels like he sometimes puts on the constant talking behavior to annoy us because we’ve told him before that it’s annoying when he asks the same question over and over again. It’s like he’s seeing how far he can push us until we break.

I talk to this woman daily, we are pretty close at work. I’ve always considered her a friend and we have that “you’re the only one I can trust” relationship.
We had just gotten back from getting lunch together with another coworker. We were looking at expensive vacations on the computer (lol), and I said “wow I’ll probably never be able to do that” and she said “maybe if things change, but with your current partner probably not.”
I have NO idea what that means, or what she was implying. I usually always take up for myself but in that moment I didn’t say anything, it hurt my feelings. I’m still struggling to figure out why she even said that.
She is single, been divorced for years and has not had good luck with relationships. She’s mentioned to me she tries to feel positive but feels very alone a lot of the time, and is starting to get very sad with life. I don’t really talk about my boyfriend with her because I don’t want her to feel bad-we are in a very happy relationship so it just makes me feel bad to talk about it in front of her, but I do mention him sometimes. What do y’all think about this?

This product clearly states it comes with 3 year warranty: Samsung Best Buy
However, when I registered my Samsung G80SD on their website, it only showed 12 months parts/labor under "Warranty Information". I had to chat with Samsung for 1 hour to get this fixed.
Side note, they have no idea what they are talking about. The agent kept insisting that I need Samsung Care or whatever purchased to fix it, and I had to spend long and painful time to remind them that there is no such thing as 3 year warranty extension promotion/samsung care. The product page literally says it comes with 3 year warranty and they need to uphold the end of their bargain. Period.
Make sure to keep them on the leash until you get a confirmation with ticket number for warranty update. Also save the conversation for possible paperwork.
Does this warranty cover burn-in? - Not sure, each support is giving different answers. Probably need some influencer to hold them accountable them for clarification.
Then why should I care? - Well, there are many ways an electronics can go wrong. Burn-in is just one avenue.
Is this monitor worth this much trouble? - At the price I got it for, kind of... no complains performance wise. If you don't pull the EPP/Rakuten tricks however, it's probably better to go with Dell AW3225QF, which is currently similarly priced with $300 credit to match.