I gave you every piece of myself
When you would have panic attacks I would lay down with you and wrap my arms around you. Press my chest into your back and breathe with you. Have you breathe with me. I would carry you through it to the totality of my ability. However long it took for you to calm down, I didn't care. It never occurred to me to not do that for you. You would lay in bed for 3 or 4 days and not shower. I would gently encourage you to shower, and when you didn't I would pick you up and carry you to the shower. And then I would bathe you. You never told me not to. You said you were sorry and that you loved me. And I would say it's okay, and that I loved you too. When we would pick movies to watch I always looked them up first to see if there were any rape scenes because I didn't want you to be triggered. I just wanted to enjoy a movie with you. I gave you every piece of myself for four years. I stopped taking care of myself because I only cared about taking care of you. I never abandoned you nor gave up on you. Even though I sometimes wanted to. And now you're better. You have a career and friends. You're freed somewhat from your narcissistic parents and their control. You gained weight and you're healthy now. And your giving up on me. Because I'm boring. Because I'm afraid. Because I worry about you to the point of being sick. Can't you see this isn't who I am? Can't you this is the result of trauma and defense mechanisms that built up? The same ones that made you safe and kept us alive in those years. I believed in you. And I stuck with you through it all. And now you can't be bothered to believe in me. You can't even give me a conversation. You just left me here with our pets. All of our responsibilities. All of this confusion and doubt. I know we were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to start living again. I just didn't know how. And I was trying my hardest. With you being gone I've been able to step outside of this apparition. This ghost that haunts me and breathes down the nape of neck. I understand now that I couldn't break those habits. The ones that kept me sane through all this. I know now I'm ready to heal, to change, to seek therapy. But as you say "it's too late". I think that's bullshit. But I can never change your mind. I believe you really did love me. And I don't understand this. But I have a hunch that you're running now that you've a path to follow. Giving up and running away because you don't have the strength to see it through just a little while longer. To really find out if we can heal together or not. I don't know if I hate you or not. I oscillate between these webs of emotion. But I think one day you'll realize the hast and impulse with which you made this decision. And I think you'll realize how terrible a decision it was. It's rare to find what we've had. Sometimes I tell myself that you'll want me back one day. It may just be me coping. But it seems possible. And if that days comes and if your sincere I might just say no. And you might come to find you made the greatest mistake of your life.

Okay so I had just gotten off work and a woman was exiting a convenience store and I was going inside as we passed each other I told her she had a nice dress and she thanked me, I go inside and do my shopping and when I go back out to my truck she's still sitting in the parking lot with her door open as I put my things away everything inside me tells me to talk to her so I do so I learned quite a bit about her I learned she's looking for work and I just happen to have a dump run job the following day I told her that I would split my wages with her for that particular job and we went to work together the following morning as we worked we prepared each other with the first date questions and about halfway through the day I told her I thought this was a great first date and she agreed by the time work was over me and her both agreed that she would be coming back over to my place to sleep over that evening so we could watch movies Netflix and chill we went and got supplies we went back over to her place we both took shower she grabbed her clothes and we went back over to my place we had a wonderful evening made love and passed out in each other's arms, during the evening I learned that she had an ex-boyfriend on the island and they had been separated for over 9 months ago, around midnight her phone started to ring off the hook she was passed out of sleep and I had work the following day so I answered her phone and I told the person I have been lying that she would get a hold of them in the morning and hung up, the phone rang again many times I answered again and I told the party on the other end I knew it was a male and I had assumed it was the ex-boyfriend which I was correct but I did not find out tell later, I told the caller son she's asleep now I'm going to go ahead and turn off the phone she'll get a hold of you in the morning.. I wake up curl up in her arms the following day and I take her home to her little cabin and go to work I work for a couple of days and she calls me we stay in touch and I take her back to my place again there she informs me that her ex-boyfriend after receiving that phone call the following morning through himself in front of traffic and killed himself, at first the information didn't even register she was a wreck and I was so in love I didn't even notice. We held each other for the night and I took her home the following morning it wasn't till several days later that I pieced together everything and found out everything was true, also found out that she was smoking pills and the ex-boyfriend and one of her other male friends they had moved to the island about a year ago the ex-boyfriend was from here and the other guy she said was like her younger brother I'm just a pot smoker and when I'm not working I have a cocktail or two but I've never experienced that whole life I found out she's from Portland and had used heroin and meth and all the bad things she moved to Hawaii to try to get clean anyway I freaked out about all that s*** I was kind of mean and I told her that I couldn't be with the person that smokes tin foil I was also simping over her hard I fell in love with her almost immediately everything in my being wanted me to hold on to her and protect her and take care of her. She had sent me a text message saying that I was too good for her that I deserve someone better etc etc that she had too much going on. She wanted some of her stuff back that she left over at my place and I returned it when I got to her cabin I saw her buddies car in the driveway and assumed the worst I knocked on the door no one answered I turned the door knob and it wasn't locked I saw the dude laying on the ground by her bed and she was on the bed I saw tin foil and drug paraphernalia I had to speak loudly to get her attention she drowsily gathered my hoodie and my beanie I handed her the pillow she left and she probably told me I just have so much going on I kissed her on her forehead and told her when you don't have anything going on please let me know this whole last month has been a roller coaster emotion for me I feel like I destroyed several people's lives because of my desire to not be alone all I wanted to do was hold her.. after I saw her there in that state with the dude on the ground I lost my cool and sent her a bunch of texts she had already told me that was over but I guess I just wanted to f****** dig the knife around a little bit I still wish you was with me I still wish that should have let me take care of her and I don't know I guess I'm just a fool anyway here are the consequences of telling a girl she has a nice dress you might ruin a lot of people's lives.

When you would have panic attacks I would lay down with you and wrap my arms around you. Press my chest into your back and breathe with you. Have you breathe with me. I would carry you through it to the totality of my ability. However long it took for you to calm down, I didn't care. It never occurred to me to not do that for you. You would lay in bed for 3 or 4 days and not shower. I would gently encourage you to shower, and when you didn't I would pick you up and carry you to the shower. And then I would bathe you. You never told me not to. You said you were sorry and that you loved me. And I would say it's okay, and that I loved you too. When we would pick movies to watch I always looked them up first to see if there were any rape scenes because I didn't want you to be triggered. I just wanted to enjoy a movie with you. I gave you every piece of myself for four years. I stopped taking care of myself because I only cared about taking care of you. I never abandoned you nor gave up on you. Even though I sometimes wanted to. And now you're better. You have a career and friends. You're freed somewhat from your narcissistic parents and their control. You gained weight and you're healthy now. And your giving up on me. Because I'm boring. Because I'm afraid. Because I worry about you to the point of being sick. Can't you see this isn't who I am? Can't you this is the result of trauma and defense mechanisms that built up? The same ones that made you safe and kept us alive in those years. I believed in you. And I stuck with you through it all. And now you can't be bothered to believe in me. You can't even give me a conversation. You just left me here with our pets. All of our responsibilities. All of this confusion and doubt. I know we were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to start living again. I just didn't know how. And I was trying my hardest. With you being gone I've been able to step outside of this apparition. This ghost that haunts me and breathes down the nape of neck. I understand now that I couldn't break those habits. The ones that kept me sane through all this. I know now I'm ready to heal, to change, to seek therapy. But as you say "it's too late". I think that's bullshit. But I can never change your mind. I believe you really did love me. And I don't understand this. But I have a hunch that you're running now that you've a path to follow. Giving up and running away because you don't have the strength to see it through just a little while longer. To really find out if we can heal together or not. I don't know if I hate you or not. I oscillate between these webs of emotion. But I think one day you'll realize the hast and impulse with which you made this decision. And I think you'll realize how terrible a decision it was. It's rare to find what we've had. Sometimes I tell myself that you'll want me back one day. It may just be me coping. But it seems possible. And if that days comes and if your sincere I might just say no. And you might come to find you made the greatest mistake of your life.

I love a 19 year old girl. She's so cute. She is interesting, creative, inspiring, tender. I so want to take her in my arms, caress her cheeks and kiss her while holding her by the waist and place my hand on her neck, to have romantic moments with this angel. I'm asexual, none of this is related to desires with her. I find her incredibly beautiful, but I have no sexual attractions. These feelings may be cute, but they hurt me. I never dared to tell her, even though she knows, we both know what's going on but she's not in love with me. I killed my heart thinking about her. I cried, I dreamed of her, I hated loving her, but she is what keeps me on earth. But even my feelings for her are starting to no longer hold me together. I want to destroy myself more and more, but I know that by mutilating myself I would think of her. I wish she would let me have my chance. I no longer want to believe in romantic relationships. Plus, my asexuality repels people. I'm not a guy to fall in love with. I'm toxic, a piece of shit, I destroy myself and hate myself. But damn, I love this girl, I love her like I would never love anyone else.

I (f26) am struggling to maintain a healthy relationship with my parents (m61, f58). It’s been a 3 year struggle let alone the stuff I didn’t notice/ let slide to keep the peace throughout my teenage years. But essentially this chapter started in 2021 when I finally moved out after struggling to get a job during Covid after completing a masters degree at the end 2020. I was desperate to move out as I’d lived at home throughout my masters and the year after and watched all my friends move to the city and start their careers. My mental health was also at an all time low, I felt lonely, isolated and lacked purpose, particularly after it felt like Covid took 2 years of my 20s.
So I move out in late 2021 with friends which should be an exciting prospect but that’s when my mum started to act up. I remember her crying on the stairs of my new flat after moving in telling me our relationship will “never be the same”, essentially what should have been an exciting time was marred with a cloud of negativity. She had also started a business and expected me to come home a weekend a month to work a market stall; if I wasn’t available i would be labelled selfish and horrible.
Then I met my now partner (m25) of almost 3 years. We clicked instantly and spent all of our time together and it was great to be honest. But that meant going home less as I wanted to spend my weekends with my new partner, which should have been normal. But then started the guilt tripping and once again the very personal insults about how I was “changing”. They also decided they didn’t like my partner having never met him and started just making stuff up about why they didn’t like him? Like implying I seemed to have less money so I was obviously spending it all on him or something? We split everything pretty evenly, so this was absolutely fiction. They were saying he was taking me away from them - it all got ridiculous. I said it’s not true and they refused to apologise and doubled down. Even my graduation (postponed after Covid) they refused to let my boyfriend attend so much so that they said they wouldn’t come if he came. I let them come and had dinner with my boyfriend afterwards - big regret of trying to keep the peace as I wish that had been a memory shared with him. They made the day about them, they couldn’t find the venue etc and the atmosphere was just tense.
Then it came to a head in the summer of 2022. I couldn’t bear the horrible comments anymore and the relentless emotional abuse, I was not in a good mental state because of it and it was honestly just permanently getting me down. So I sent a very considered message to my mum saying I’d like some space, just a week or so then maybe in a week we can come together and have a respectful conversation about how to move forward. In response she rang me 150 times. No joke. Messaged my boyfriend implying he’d kidnapped me and she was going to ring the police. I blocked her on everything for around a month. My dad also sent a tirade of abusive emails, like absolutely vile stuff. As an aside I don’t really have a relationship with my dad, we just don’t speak or get along.
So then we didn’t speak for around 6 months. I started sertraline too as I couldn’t cope. The turning point was when they expected me to come home for Christmas despite no resolution and radio silence ? And I said no, obviously not. And that seemed to cause them to try and repair things sort of. By that I mean not addressing anything but trying to be nice and make contact.
After Christmas I saw them and moved out of the city and to a new city with my boyfriend. For that year the relationship was sort of repaired. Though they only visited once in a year, I always had to go to them. I even ran a marathon and they didn’t bother coming to show support because they worried about the parking situation. They also didn’t really invite my partner to anything or try and form a bond there which is incredibly difficult to deal with.
So december 2023 my bf and I were unsure if the following year we wanted to go travelling or try and have a career break. Our rent was increasing massively and we couldn’t afford it so we moved into an annexe in his parents’ garden. We’re super lucky as it’s essentially a mini house and we just pay bills. Side note: I get on with his family really well. We saved up for like 4/5 months and have both quit our jobs to try and take some time to change careers - we both really hated our jobs, are creatives and feel blessed to have the opportunity to give it a go! (Better now than when we have proper responsibilities like mortgage and kids). Probably every parents nightmare for their adult kid to quit their job but I’m very sensible with money and I’m ambitious so I know something will happen. I’ve got a TikTok that is starting to take off and im doing a fair bit of freelance writing, and I’m only just 2 months out from quitting. So things are moving ! Also my mental health is the best it ever has been. My mum doesn’t want to hear any of it, she’s completely unsupportive and doesn’t ask me about my life at all nowadays. If I bring something up she changes the subject entirely. She also never rings me, I always have to ring her. She’s never visited me here or offered to meet up. She never invites me and my bf to anything. It’s always me that has to travel home or ring her etc. she has paid me a couple of times to dog sit for the day, but I don’t really see her when I do so.
Even on my birthday my boyfriend tried to organise a surprise dinner with him and my parents for me and they said 2 weeks in advance they couldn’t be free and made it an incredibly complicated thing to organise. My dad wouldn’t miss a football match to come do a bday dinner on the weekend instead.
My mums methods of dealing with her feelings are passive aggression. Totally understand if she’s feeling stressed about my job, or wants to see me but there’s ways to word it. The other day I referenced an exciting meeting I’d had with a PR company about an event they want me to cover on social media and wanted to talk about it. She ignored it and asked if I’d got a job yet. I said “not interested?” Tagging the message about the PR meeting and she absolutely kicked off. Telling me I don’t care about her, and that the dog was having some teeth pulled out the next day and I wasn’t showing enough sympathy. Then told me that I’ve found a “new family now” (my partners parents) and brought up the events of 2 years ago and the “hell I put her through”. I left it and said I didn’t understand why she was trying to start a fight.
Now today I messaged and said please can we have a call to resolve last weekend. She said not right now. I then receive a text from my dad saying that mum doesn’t want to call but am I still up for Father’s Day lunch as a family next weekend. I said I’d be happy to go just me and him. I get an awful message back calling me cruel and heartless, that my mum has bent over backwards to show me support, and that they disagree with my new “lifestyle”.
I genuinely don’t know how to resolve this and retain any kind of relationship with my parents. Every mature attempt I make to try and resolve anything is met with verbal abuse, they refuse to self reflect and it’s making it impossible to move forward.
I would truly appreciate any advice, or any viewpoint at all on this situation as I’m honestly feeling exhausted almost 3 years in. I feel awful for my boyfriend who just wants the relationship I have with my in laws for himself. Is this beyond repair?

I (16f) Had one of the worst friendship breaks with my family friend(16f) let’s call her G. Its been almost 3 months and its still affecting me I want to move past this but i cant does anyone have any advice
here is what happened
Me and G were playing a game together, and she got into an argument with someone in the game. I poking fun. like (Haha her name is Roach) that was the name of the girl she was arguing with. G was getting annoyed and said “ Like bitch it’s not funny shut up “ I was stunned and a bit hurt because I thought she called me a bitch, I ended up hanging up and closing the game because I thought I would be best and then come back later.She started texting me on Snapchat saying she was sorry for yelling and taking her anger out on me. I wasn’t mad that she was annoyed by me just about how she called me a bitch, I didn’t appreciate it and I texted her and said that. I just wanted an apology for her calling me that but as we were texting it seem like she didn’t want to take accountability for calling me a bitch but saying it wasn’t directed to you I just said it cause I wanted to and also G trying to put the blame on me like saying “ I wouldn’t have said that if you were supporting me and not disrespecting me and being a bully. The “fights” with have are usual jokes and we often jokingly insult each other and I tell her if I do or say anything that hurt her to tell me so I won’t do it againThis was when things started to escalate And We started arguing I was trying my best to keep calm the only thing I wanted was an apology for the bitch comment and we would have probably started playing again but she kept escalating it bringing up things from before and saying that I’m not supportive of her when I do my best to listen and talk to her when she’s having problems I openly listen to what she has to say because I know that just having someone to listen helps. So it stung when she said that.That’s in itself brought me back to a few weeks ago when she was upset because we couldn’t go to the mall together and we were playing Roblox, G usually the one to pick the games and for once I wanted to pick a game. When I picked she was saying how the games were not good and we already played before but we didn’t and I was saying “Why can't I pick a game “ I was talking when all of a sudden she hung up the call and BLOCKED me on everything I was confused but I remember thinking ill give her some time because her blocking me as this has happened 2 times before. 4 DAYS went by and I was concerned, thinking I had done something wrong, or maybe I was being a bad friend. My mind was spiraling does days. So I called my mom asked what happened and asked her to talk to her mom to find out what was going on. Later that night we called and talked because I wanted to know what was going on and know why she blocked me. G Said that I wasn’t being supportive of her but all I wanted was to pick a game for once and if she needed a break she could have told me she said my mom said some mean things about her and I apologized I just wanted to know what was going on.Back to the Snapchat conversation things are heated right now Then G calls me a Bitch. I was made and said to her “This shows what kind of person you are ass” I was very mad all I wanted was an apology and I would have apologized to her for the unpleasant nagging. I end up blocking her on Snapchat. At This point, I’m crying because this did not need to get to this point when I get a message from Instagram From G saying “I CALLED YOU OUT FOR BEING A BAD PERSON AND YOU CRY BECAUSE UR BITCH ASS CANT TAKE THAT UR A BAD FRIEND” I was Mad and told her Fuck you she said “IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND UR SAD DEPRESSED ASS IS BETTER THAN ME THINK AGAIN” This message right here Made me rethink Everything about our friendship things For almost a year now I have been battling depression seeing my doctor, social workers even my guidance counsellor to help me get through the school year. I trusted her with something like this, she knows what I have been going through and she used it against me, it makes me even more upset because she also has depression she has also been going through things she knows how it feels to be in a state were it seem like everything is hopeless and she used it against me. even saying she does not want to be here anymore after talking to me.Somehow were calmed down and called I don’t remember much but I do remember telling her that bringing up my depression was hurtful and unacceptable. What made me more upset was that she said she was sorry and that she wanted to say more hurtful like this. At that moment I thought “I don’t want to be friends anymore “Before we ended the call we decided to take a break from each other. FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT I was debating whether or not to stay friends I talked to my support group at school my sister and my mom Before I made a decision What sealed it for me was when my older sister said “If she can escalate it quickly something like this will happen again and maybe even worse. so I made my conclusion and Blocked her on everything even deleting the Instagram chat Even my mom said I should block her thought that was the end of that 2:00 am in morning, I got a notification from her alt account and someone else called me a hypocrite because I blocked her without saying anything. My account was not private at the time. I think I should have told her that I wanted a break but I felt like my reason was much clearer than she. I started crying like I just wanted to be left alone and not have to deal with her toxic energy.I go to school the morning of and at the end of the day WHILE In a meeting with the school social worker I'm getting notifications from comments under my post from her and the same person. I blocked the other person and told her I would talk with her later when getting on the bus she was arguing in the comment section of one of my posts I do have a screenshot of the conversations coming up but not of the Instagram or Snapchat because I did not think I would have needed them but il summary here: G is saying that I'm a hypocrite and a bullied telling me about all the time I made her feel bad or hurt her. (quick note I know I have stuff that has hurt her and when they happen tell her I'm sorry and do all that I can to make sure it does not happen again I even tell her when I do something that hurts tell me so I can change)and how I was still friends with another family friend she did get along with. I knew about that and because of that I limited my contact with her and tried my best to make sure they were not around each other. we ended up calling later I was at the mall at the time I don't remember much from it but I do know this is where I started to get angry. I was yelling in the comer of the mall where nobody was around but I was still getting looks, to begin with, the only people that were involved were people, adults that I trusted, I was not going to get any of our friends involved until she said oh I was blocked by some of our other friends so you may have told me the themWhen I ended the call I'm "You think I'm talking shit NOW I am "I call up my other family friend Let's call her MM is the girl G does not like even going as far as to shit-talk her to me sometimes. I Call M, at this point, I need to get some steam off my chest I tell her about how Fake G is and she's like " thought so "She even asks if G was talking shit about her and I confirmed all of that to her. The whole walk home I was cussing G out because I was done trying to be friendly and at the end M like you should warn R . She is another one of my family friends. I agreed because R is a super sweet person I did not want her to do something like this to her so we made a group chat with R and I recap her and M even my older sister on it. When I told them about the time she blocked me for 4 days and the other times they both were like "She's Done this before multiple times "something I wish I picked up early on. R told Us that the last night of me blocking her G went straight to her and when she talking she was leaving out a lot of details. While I was talking to them I was getting messages from her telling me to admit that I'm a bully and a bad person but I told her I WILL NOT ADMIT TO YOUR DELUSION OF ME. Like I was not hearing her out and I did not want to. even messages from other people telling ME to apologize LIKE NO.Later on, I GET a message from some random 18 year old CALLING ME NAMES LIKE PUSSY FUCKGLY BITCH, MANIPULATIVE FUCK ETC and in my head, I'm like WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU DON'T NOW SHIT NOT ENOUGH to be IN MY DMS. I'm texting back in Fort with her and she tells me I'm an embarrassment and that I should OFF MYSELF IM AN EMBARRASEMENT AND THAT I SHOULD OFF myself and yet I'M THE BULLYI GET YET ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE ELSE A 17-YEAR-OLD CALLING ME NAME AND TELLING ME TO ACT LIKE AN ADULT MIND YOU BOTH OF THEM ARE OLDER THAN ME AND YET IM IMMATURE IM THE FUCKING BULLY IM THE BAD PERSONI take screenshots and send them to R and M, saying this is what she's doing now and yet she is still convinced I'm a bully. I showed it to my sister, and when I did that I should take this to Mom and I did show it to her she called G's mom, and I told g's mom about everything up to this point. About the messages and harassment online the insults FROM OTHER PEOPLE and even when she said she did want to be here when she was talking to me. she was NOT happy at all with what her daughter was doing while on the phone I'm hearing G yet again trying to blame me and even LYING about her wanting to off herself. I was pretty clear G's mom was NOT on her side.after I had one final chat with her in a group chat with R and M so everyone could see and she couldn't twist my words anymore. I told her about the threats and showed her the screenshots and she's like "Oh I'm sorry I didn't think they would do that " like she was not the one to give them my iG in the first place. even calling me immature for how I responded to them TF YOU EXPECT ME TO BE RESPECTFUL TO THEM AFTER SEEING those MESSAGES? She pissed me off here but it did not appear until later that night. Even after all this she still thinks I'm this horrible bully of hers saying I was lying about when she said she wanted to OFF herself. why would I lie about that not gaining shit from it. while we are talking M is talking to supporting me and saying things I should have said to her and not be as passive as I was. Finally, in the end, G gave me an ACTUALLY APOLOGY for the one thing I wanted from the beginning the the half-baked one she was giving me. I accept this one cause this is what I was waiting for. I said my apologies cause I realized I did things wrong too but I wanted to take back my apologies when she was like "Now you're not ignoring my apology because people can see and call you out for ignoring it. At the end I said if we can take a break and come back maybe and she's like " oh you told my mom I wanted to off myself I'm never talking to you again. LIKE DID YOU NOT SAY THAT TO ME, DID YOU NOT GET PEOPLE SO INSULT AND TREATIN' MY LIFE? we agreed to be decent but now looking a this I do want TO BE DECENT NOT WITH YOU The gravity of the situation did not hit me till about 2 am the morning with me on the phone crying to people from the crisis line, even scared I was going to wake up to New messages from other people It’s been almost 3 Months and I’m still affected by this thinking of how I lost yet another friend. I thought FINALLY I have friends to rely on and then she stabbed me in the back like this I would rather now be alone than deal with something like THIS AGAIN To make things WORSE I wanted to off myself For a bit during the end of April I went BACK doe’s message telling me to off myself and thinking maybe there’s were right maybe I should and maybe I am a bad person. I EVEN WAS THINKING OF MESSAGING HER Because I was lonely. Thank god I didn’t
sorry for the long rant I needed to get this out of my system

id like to think we’re serious about each other. But whenever i bring up telling our parents (south asian parents), he says he doesnt want to yet. Hes been trying to find a job for a year now and says when he finds one, then he’d be willing to tell his parents. But i dont understand why he cant do that anyway and keep looking for a job. He brings up pressure etc but I doubt my parents would say anything. I understand that telling parents is a big step in south asian families because you’re expected to get married then and stuff. But we have had these convos before about wanting to spend our lives together. But i get very hurt when he says he doesnt want to tell yet because he knows that i dont want to date forever and really want to take the next step and i was always led to believe that he had a similar timeline to mine. Im confused about whether this is one of those “if he wanted to, he would” situations. He’s really nice and a great guy but im afraid of being led on as thats happened in the past. What is the best way to go about this?

I know its been a joke for many years 'there goes the knighthood' or something to that effect, however, SURELY after all Lewis has done with the Jingle Jam there is something we Yognaugts can do to make it actually happen? People have gotten knighthood for a hell of a lot less than earning over £24 million for charity! I know it isn't a single person's effort and it takes a hell of a lot of work by the Yogs as a whole and all the incredible fans but I am sure, from all this effort, Lewis is deserving of that. Is there a way that we as a community can come together and make this happen??

I [NB/M20] need genuine advice on what to do with my long distance boyfriend [M22] of 10 months. (knew each other since 2021, dated in 2022 for 5 months, broke it off because we both weren't good mentally during it, stopped contact, reunited in 2023 and decided to give it another shot because we both had our feelings for each other even when we didn't talk, both matured more and agreed to communicate more thru the relationship)
And I need genuine advice for people who have the experience.How do I confront my boyfriend for a talk? The thing is, he voiced that he's unsure of his feelings and that he is feeling cold and experiences apathy, not just about me but his whole life in general. Once, he went completely offline for more than a week, and when he came back, that's when it happened. I sent him a picture of me before he went to work, and got a bit upset that he didn't compliment my looks, the same day we hopped on a voice call and I told him that I'd appreciate if he could tell me something about my physical looks when I send pictures of myself, we were both a bit quiet after that, and ended the conversation. After some time, he told me the way he feels so cold and etc is because he feels really bad for what he did (AKA not complimenting me) while I reassured him that it's okay, and I was NEVER mad at him. His feelings are valid, so I told him it's okay to feel that way because it means he's genuinely sorry for making me upset, and I told him that it's completely fine and now he knows that I'd appreciate it being said next time, we both communicated about it. But he is still upset. I was always there for him, still am, I reassured him when he felt really bad, tried my best with everything I could. But as I mentioned, he said he feels apathy for life now. After it happened, we didn't spend much time together doing our average activities like before, doesn't sound like much of a problem because I understand how he feels, but I tried to cheer him up. I ended up sending him a package I was preparing to send since August of 2023, it was finally done in march of this year and I sent it to him. He loved it, but after that went completely radio silent for over 3 weeks everywhere while I was worried like hell. I do not mind if he takes breaks, but I also want to be sure he's okay, but I got no warning. I felt so bad like I did something wrong. Turns out, he talked to other people but didn't wanna talk to me. I felt betrayed at that moment. Not because he has other friends or anything, but because he knew how worried I was and chose to ghost me. And when he came back, he lied to me about it, saying he was all alone and by himself while I literally had proof from his friends that sent it to me. Am I valid for feeling upset because of it?
But now the reason I even made this post, is how am I supposed to talk to him about everything? He is distant, drinks, cold and says he doesn't feel any care for the world or self. I know I am not his therapist, and I suggested him to get therapy, but I really want to help him. He tells me he lost feelings and doesn't know what he wants anymore, but I don't want the history to repeat itself. The reason we broke up in 2022 is because of similar stuff happening, him drinking again and feeling no will to live, and then he broke up with me. But after reunion he told me he tried being egoistic, trying to move on and to be in this mindset that he doesn't need me anymore, yet none of it helped and he wished he could've done stuff differently. We both gave it a chance and now it happens again. Maybe that's the reason I'm trying so hard, but I also love him very much, and we made plans to meet up irl too. Now he pushes me away and says he's tired. I feel like I may be a bit pushy but at the same time, I don't want him to fall into this abyss again. I talked to my friends and they told me it's okay to give someone a little push, ESPECIALLY when they're feeling so low and think bad about themselves. I tried, but he says he doesn't need it. I don't want to break up, nor do I want the relationship to end. I just wanna know if there is ANY way I can talk about this with him. I tried asking what's wrong or what did I do, and he tells me that it's all his fault. I did some stuff in a relationship too, get jealous and mad, but I overcame it and admitted my mistakes and now left that mindset and more chill about it. We all make mistakes after all, but how am I supposed to do anything when he tells me it's all his fault? He tells me he's used to doing things alone and coping with them too, but I want to be there for him cuz I am his partner, his feelings matter to me and so does he as a person. I just don't know.
I hope this post fits the subreddit, and as said, GENUINE advice needed. I want to help him, but how do I talk this out with him? Is it worth it?

I've never been in a committed romantic relationship, ever - been on dates, had some sex, but largely nothing noteworthy. There are a lot of reasons for this - difficulty connecting with people, understanding social cues, trust issues, cluelessness, and so on; basically I have trouble understanding relationships and navigating them even though I want them, and I had a lot of other shit going on in my life over the years that kept me distracted and unable to focus on them too much until recently. I'll spare you any further navel-gazing and just say I've always had trouble with relationships, romantic and friendships and otherwise, and in the last couple of years I've done a lot to try to work on that (lots of individual therapy, group therapy, neurofeedback, improving my overall physical and mental health tremendously, etc. etc., whatever I can think of I've pushed myself to try it and work at it) and things have gotten better but I still feel so lost and frustrated and like none of this shit is ever going to work out for me.
It's my birthday, I'm turning 33 today, and as with every previous birthday I'm spending it alone and barely anyone even knows it's my birthday. I'm used to it at this point, but this year it just feels so much worse because last month I was dating someone and it was the closest I'd ever gotten to a relationship, the most interested I'd ever been in someone, the first time I ever actually felt like I could see it going somewhere... and then it all blew up in my face literally three weeks in, and I just feel so stupid and demoralized and humiliated that I can't even keep something going for longer than three fucking weeks, and so stupid for feeling so upset over something that, again, lasted three fucking weeks. It doesn't even count as a breakup at this point, certainly not compared to some of the stories people have posted here, but I'm so pathetically sad about it and I don't know where else to mope so I'm posting here. And on top of that I have to keep seeing him because we're involved in the same community - I'm taking a break for a month or two so I can work through shit before I have to see him again but the community has been such a good experience for me that I know I'm not going to leave it and neither is he, so basically I'll have to see him indefinitely, although it'll be easy to avoid talking to him at least.
I was feeling okay about it for the last few days but today I'm just feeling so depressed. He acted so thoughtful and sweet and interested in me, and he was talking about us taking a trip to a place nearby I've been wanting to go for my birthday and saying he'd get me a gift, and I actually started to think maybe this year my birthday would be different, maybe things were changing for me, maybe I was finally starting to figure out relationships and also to get my life together. And now I'm in the same position I've always fucking been in, but feeling even worse because I got my first real glimpse of "how good it could be" in a relationship whereas before at least ignorance was bliss.
As far as this guy specifically, in retrospect I'm recognizing a lot of major mistakes. It was only three weeks but we saw each other 11 times in that timeframe and spoke on the phone 3 more times, both of us were initiating that frequency but now it's obvious to me I should have slowed way the hell down and not taken any of the shit he said seriously, but I'm so stupidly inexperienced that all I could think at the time was how great it was to get to see him so much and how sweet he was, and now I just feel humiliated for being so, well, stupidly inexperienced. The second to last time I saw him it just felt so close and emotionally intimate and then a week later the last time I saw him he looked miserable and said he still wasn't over his ex who he dated a year ago and needed space to deal with that. He spent the week in between claiming he was anxious and when I'd ask why he'd just avoid answering and let me think he was stressed about work, so considering he spent that week being dishonest I'm not sure I even believe it's about his ex, I think he might have just freaked out about how quickly things escalated.
Who the fuck knows, but I definitely should have been paying more attention when he talked about his exes - the most recent one dumped him three times, and the previous two sounded unhealthy/angsty/dramatic as well. His friend group (I knew him through his friend group for a while before we started dating) is also immature and unstable, and some of the women in it who I thought I was becoming friends with started acting really nasty to me after I started dating him since apparently they were interested in him, and I'm shocked at their behavior and at myself for not questioning his own maturity after seeing who he's populated his life with. I see all of that now, and after reading break-up stories people have posted I'm relieved that this blew up after three weeks and not after I'd had more time to get more involved and make more mistakes in judgment with this person. But I hate that he left the door open by saying he just needed space to figure out things with his ex so instead of being able to just fully move on I feel like I'm in this limbo state of waiting to see if he figures shit out while trying to decide if I should just shut the door and spare myself any more headache, and I hate that part of me is waiting to see if he'll text me for my birthday and still thinks I'd try to make it work if he wanted to try again, because the good felt soo good and after all no one's perfect. I'm hardly perfect myself, I know I have my own red flags - at least he's had relationships where I've had none, at least he has a friend group where I have a handful of acquaintances who barely know me, despite my best efforts to make things otherwise.
But I'm trying and I just don't know why I just never seem to be able to figure out relationships of any sort, no matter what I do. I'm scared that I'm doomed to a lonely life and I've spent years trying to resign myself to that but this experience made me admit to myself that I really, really, really don't want that. And now I'm basically totally alone on my birthday, again, and usually I manage to take that in stride but this year I just feel so fucking distraught. And I'm definitely wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, what I'm doing so horribly such that things have turned out like this for me, why I can't seem to figure this all out.
Anyways... I apologize for the rant, I just had to vent and feel sorry for myself for a bit, and as I've said I basically don't have friends (at least, not any I'd feel comfortable sharing all of this with) and sometimes ChatGPT just doesn't cut it, so internet strangers it is.

I (33) live with my roommate (30) in a two bed, two bath apartment. We’ve lived together for three years now. For context, they have two cats, one of which they acquired while living together. I do not own any animals but petsit as a side hustle.
At the beginning, with one cat, there weren’t any issues. I am allergic to cats but began taking antihistamines every day and got regular allergy shots to manage my allergies. With the first cat (about 3 years old), the litter and food were kept in my roommates room. Then, my roommate adopted a second cat, about 9 months old, and consequently bought a second litter box. They kept it in the living area, and this is when our problems began. The area would frequently smell strongly of litter. I’d go over to the litter box and see piles of urine and feces, and would smell that same smell emanating from their room. For many months, I’d clean the litter box in the common area, both for my comfort and for the comfort of the animals (i know how uncomfortable that level of feces in a litter box is for a cat). Sometimes I’d sneak into my roommates room to clean the litter box there if it smelled particularly strongly.
Anyways, this went on for awhile until I realized this was not my job. They were not my cats and I was not being paid to take care of them. So I sat down with my roommate and described the exact issues I was seeing: litter going uncleaned for several days, if not a week; unbathed cats; constant meowing at my door for attention (I work from home). My roommate said they’d come up with a schedule to fix the problem.
A month of tranquility passed, and then the problems surfaced again: strong litter smell, constant calls for attention from the cats, excess shedding from lack of bathing. This broke my heart for the animals and I sat my roommate down again, and explained the importance of keeping a clean litter box and giving cats regular baths, especially during spring to keep shedding down. They said they weren’t following the initial plan because they’d “forget” but would try a different method to keep track.
Another month or so of tranquility follows. We get a re-lease offer from our apartment. I bring it up to my roommate and they agree on another year of a lease. In our lease agreement, it requires us to give our landlord yearly documentation of rabies vaccines for any animals kept on the property. My roommate informed me the cats are several months past their needed rabies shots and explained they “didn’t have the money to take them to the vet” (even though they’d just purchased new motorcycle). I pointed out you could get vaccines at petco for $30 or less.
Another month has gone by, and our landlord reminded us of the release offer. The landlord needed the vaccine paperwork, so I asked my roommate for it. They said they didn’t do it yet “but would get to it.” I then had to leave for a week to petsit/housesit for a client, and when I returned, the apartment was despicable. The smell of dirty cat litter reeked throughout the apartment and the cats came to me screaming for attention. They were shedding so badly and obviously very uncomfortable. My roommate wasn’t home. I called them and asked them where the f*ck they were and what happened to cleaning the litter. They said they forgot. I asked them about the updated vaccinations. They said they hadn’t gotten to it yet.Heres where I may be the ahole. Our release agreement was due the very next day. Since my roommate wasn’t home, and was obviously not getting vaccines for the animals, I called animal control and had them taken away for animal neglect. I signed the release papers and submitted them to my landlord, writing in the email that the animals had been given to animal control and no paperwork was needed.
My roommate returned home a week or so later. They asked me where the cats were and I told them the truth. They broke down in hysterics and screamed at me, telling me those were their babies and how in the world could I take them away like that. They are now not speaking to me. AITA for what I did?
TL;DR my roommate wouldn’t get cats vaccinated before release agreement despite needing to and I called animal control to report animal neglect, leading to the cats being taken away. AITA?

My mom and her husband, in their 70s, have been together 7 years. They dated for four years and then got married and have been living together ever since. They're both alcoholics and now both have dementia. Instead of sending them both to rehab or any other medical care, my step brother has decided, "they need to separate and get divorced." My mom's husband's sister wants to take him to live with her and basically kick my mom out onto the street. They say, "She needs to get an apartment by herself." But she's barely functioning. They seem to think her drinking is why he's so sick, even though he's currently in the hospital for falling in the parking lot of a liquor store that he drove HIMSELF to.
I'm absolutely panicking. My mom only has social security and I live across the country. He's currently still in the hospital and they're mad at my mom because she, "Just sits in the hospital room on her phone and doesn't offer to go get him food or cook for him." They seem to think because she's a woman she's his default caretaker even though she's just as elderly and confused. Idk what to do.

Hello everyone,
I am piecing together various conky widgets into a horizontal array, and I wanted some stand-along half circle graphs showing the values of cpu core temps, gpu temp, cpu load etc.
I have looked around a lot on google and youtube, but I cannot find any tutorials for this. I have tried taking an existing conkyrc and deleting sections to get just gauge info, but I keep breaking the files.
Is there anyone here that is experienced in making these ring graphs that can help me create a gauge template with the mimimum required entries to allow it to function?
If anyone knows of a good beginners tutorial video or webpage I would love a link to check it out and see if it can do this by myself.
Thank you for reading,
Logan

My husband (49m) and me (45f) have been together for over 20 years- so through the birth of smart phones and all that jazz. He's never quite figured how to take advantage of technology. He relies on me to do anything more complicated than ordering something off Amazon. Where it drives me nuts is that our compromise on him hating shopping is that I place online orders and he's willing to pick them up when he is out. He still hasn't figured out how to use the companion function for Target -despite repeated invites- or figure out how to say what parking spot he is in at Walmart despite me setting up the app and logging him in.
I'm not going scorched earth on him or anything. I mean after all he's picking stuff up when I can't but it would be amazing if he could figure this out. Sending screenshots and having to put his parking space in for him is getting old.
I know people are going to ask. He is retired and does most of the stuff for our 7-year old. I work full-time. Today I'm home with a fever or I would be getting it myself. I do 98% of the shopping. He occasionally does pickups.

This is long, I'm sorry. There is just so much going on in my head right now.
I don't even know if this is the right place to post, because I keep telling myself that I'm the problem and that I'm just a terrible girlfriend... Even if logically I know that can't be true.
I've (28F) been with my boyfriend (35m) for about 5 years and we live together. It started out as a mess, him cheating on a long term partner with me and leading me on for over a year before they broke up. He refused to tell me he loved me or call me his girlfriend, but was always being sweet and loving in private, calling me his, telling me how I was too good to him and how amazing I was. He would also snap at me if I did anything affectionate in public, asked about "us" or otherwise made it clear that I wanted him to actually claim me publicly. He kept snapping at me, "sorry if I just wanted time to myself to live as a bachelor"... He'd also told me he didn't think he could handle my depression long term.
Finally after almost 4 years together in total, I had a mental breakdown and and left, told him I couldn't handle being disrespected anymore. I took everything of mine that I could and left. He proceeded to tell me about how he knew I was too good to be true, should have stayed with his ex, how he should have taken advantage of every selfless offer I'd ever made to him, threatened to smash my computer he'd built for me if I took it with me because I didn't deserve it.
I was a wreck and incredibly hurt by everything, kept telling him to leave me alone. He eventually "realized I was the one who made him happy" and told me how much he missed me, how he even missed all the little habits I had that bothered him, how he should have been treating me like gold and how I was always so good to him. He was telling me how he messed up and wanted to marry me, all the soppy stuff. I came back to get more of my things and he's sobbing his heart out, giving me thoughtful gifts, (build a bear that says he loves me, as an example) pleading with me to give him another chance.
As I'm sure you can guess, I eventually did. For the next year he was amazing. Sweet, kind, very affectionate, considerate and talking about the future with me. After that, he slowly started acting like he was sick of me. I was dealing with major depression and anxiety and he would get awkward and distant if I asked for any kind of support or if I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling. I had been trying to get professional help, adjust my medications and get proper therapy but was having a lot of trouble getting it. My libido started dying because I was struggling with my own thoughts and was worried he would push me away because of it all.
He said some seriously screwed up things to me regarding my mental health. I told him about my suicidal ideation and how bad things were, and his response was to completely push me away, act cold and distant before eventually telling me he was pissed off that we didn't have enough sex and that "If you're going to be dead in a year anyways, why should I bother trying?" telling me how he was just waiting to come home and find me dead.
I told him that was a f*cked up thing to say and he agreed, but never apologized. Started acting all sweet and loving as if it never happened, because he wanted sex. He will be sweet and loving for a few days after, and then start acting rude, snappy, cold and distant until I'd give in again. It made me feel like it was all he wanted me for, and it was no longer anything enjoyable for me and I'd dread him touching me.
Now, he's been passive aggressively body shaming me, which only makes me want sex even less. I've been being very distant to him and rejecting his advances because I am so anxious and stressed out, and I don't want to have sex with him anymore. There's no love in it, I feel no passion or spark anymore when we touch and I just feel numb or sad. I just want it to be over and try to get it over with. I keep blaming myself for how he's acting, thinking if I just have sex with him like he wants he wouldn't be acting out, which is screwed up to think about.
He blew up at me yesterday about our sexless relationship and how I'm acting, and we haven't talked about it but I'm so scared to actually tell him I don't think we should be together because I think he will turn super mean, spiteful, deliberately cruel and awful again. He has a mean side and it hurts so much to think about him directing that at me.
I keep thinking about how hard he cried when I left, how he begged me to come back, how he said he wanted to marry me. Am I really that annoying? Is the sex with him really bad enough to reject him? I think about how dealing with me being depressed must feel for him, but then start thinking about the lack of empathy, lack of comfort and bitterness he's been showing me.
I'm sorry this is so long, I don't expect many people to read it all. I just keep thinking about the good times with him, thinking of how he makes me smile and laugh, how sweet he can be, but then remembering all the horrible things he has said to me. I can't forget them and I think it's ruined us. I hate myself for not being a better partner even though I've given him everything I could.
My family is more than willing to take me in, but we also technically work together which makes things scarier for me. I have been off work for a few months due to the depression but if I go back, I will have to see him every day. I'm having nightmares about going back to work even without thinking of him being there. I love my job but at this point I want to just bail and run crying back to my family and deal with being unemployed, but then I feel like I'm overreacting and sabotaging myself...

So I ended up with three extra tickets for ATEEZ NYC show on Aug 3. I want to sell them but I genuinely don't know how. I don't want to sell on StubHub or a site like that, I'm trying to keep that as a last resort. I don't want to sell for much more than I bought them for and those sites take a percentage so to break even I would have to raise the price. Plus I have a sector VIP ticket and I want the person who pays for it to get that experience. I called Ticketmaster and I may be able to transfer the ticket with the VIP if I go through them or worse comes to worse we enter the venue together (I'm going to the show on sector VIP too). I've tried people I know and Facebook on an array of groups but no one is buying them. It's been a while and I want to have this stress out of my mind. I haven't tried twitter but that's because I'm scared to. Last year I was scammed on twitter for tickets. I don't know of any other sites that can help or how to make myself seem more trustable. I say in my posts that I can do it over phone, I offer g&s if they pay the fee, I offer to send any sort of proof or security they want, and I'm selling just about the presale price. I mean maybe people just don't want tickets but idk. I just need help because I'm so lost and rather not be out almost 1k.

This post is not directing hate towards the manga author in any way, or me trying to say I could write better than him. During Natsu's coma-induced dream during the Alvarez arc, it was revealed that all the dragon slayers were born over 400 years ago and were sent to the year July 7th X777 to defeat Acnologia. Some other things were revealed too (EX: How Zeref met Igneel and created Natsu. Where Natsu's scarf came from? Anna and Layla's importance)
My version is WAY more angsty. Like abandonment issues, dysfunctional families, and sibling hatred kind of angst. Rewriting the way Anna Heartfilia is framed - flesh her character out a bit. Rewriting each of the most important fights each individual dragon slayer had in the Alvarez arc. Tweaking every character's attribute and attitude as well. However, this is all additional in comparison to my main focus, which would be the dragon slayers.

Dragon Slayers My AU:

Their memories had never left them. Instead, they were locked away in the depths of their subconscious mind. Purposely sealed away by a powerful wizard. Not just their memories, but core parts of their raw power as well. In spite of that, each dragon slayer had their own fateful encounters with one another (Natsu & Gajeel, Natsu & Wendy, Natsu meeting Sting and Rogue). Each meeting sparked something in their minds, but the situations they were involved in were too dire to push aside, so they left it at that for the moment.
After the Grand Magic Games, the five dragon slayers genuinely start to bond after realizing how similar their experiences. Having their own meetups and hangouts as true dragon slayers, kids who were forced to survive on their own after their dragons left/died. The more they spend time together, the more vivid their visions become. Who are these other dragons? What is this place? Why does Natsu look so... different?
Their curiosity only increases as time goes on. Why is it only them that are plagued by these visions? What of the second-gen, Cobra and Laxus? The answers they were all searching for were finally right under their noses when their dragon parents finally decided to reveal themselves, until Acnologia ruined everything. Slaughtering Igneel like a pig before venturing off. They all watched as their caretakers faded away, whilst Natsu swore to slay the dragon king. The firebreather took off on his own adventure with his exceed partner, Happy. Unbeknownst to him, Fairy Tail had disbanded, but the dragon slayer. The last four (Gajeel, Wendy, and the Sabertooth twins) continued to meet up despite having their new jobs and lives to worry about.
They grow closer to uncovering the true sources of their power, and their chronic dreams. Natsu is too focused on getting stronger. Strong enough to slay the self-proclaimed dragon king. Strong enough to defeat this black wizard. By the time Natsu returns and Fairy Tail is back in action, his friends are eager to share what they've learned, but he brushes it off. He is far too concerned with the new battle on the horizon (Zeref. Spriggan 12)
Nothing goes as planned. Natsu is forced into a coma caused by his own genetics, while his dragon slayer kin are thrust into battles with enemies that inadvertently help unlock many, many memories. Vivid, blood-curdling memories they weren't ready to face. Memories they can't ignore fully no matter how many times Natsu urges them to do so. "Focusing on the future is what's important!" In order to take on the future, they need to fully grasp their checkered past and discover the answers to so many unresolved questions. What was Anna hiding?
Defeating Acnologia brought peace to Fiore. To the world. But not them. Two of the dragon slayers were ok with playing pretend. They didn't mind smiling, drinking, and playfighting alongside their guildmates despite their jumbled brains. They could manage. The other three, however. They were restless.
Their curiosity turned into desperation. Their childlike eagerness became greedy impatience. They were going to figure out the truth. They were going to find out what lies beneath their broken memories. They didn't care how much power it took. Their questions were going to be answered.
And nobody, not even Fairy Tail, was going to stop them.
Sorry about the long post, lol. Gonna post the fanfic on ao3 as a series. Most likely gonna title it "The Shattered Prophecy" If you're interested based on my reddit post alone, great! If you think it's trash, that's cool too.

My bf(26M) and I(22F) have been together for a year. If you look at my previous posts you can see the situation. We got into it for a few days but then we were okay. He said he wouldn't text other females and I said I wouldn't invade his privacy. Of course days pass and I see notifs from more than 1 female. Curiosity takes over and I go back on what I said and check his phone. He did hit two girls back up. The only thing he said to one was "Wednesday night" and she said "huh".
He hasn't cheated on me physically ik that for fact. Why would he say that if he plans to be with me that night? The other one got texted by me during the whole ordeal and she lied saying she doesn't know my bf. I got the number fr his phone after seeing questionable conversation about getting some nudes. She texted him and said "your gf text me" and he is apologizing for it. They're not even friends like that? Why is he like this? Why does he spend all his time with and otherwise act like he loves me dearly, not a thing wrong. The phone tells me something different even tho he's said it's just for fun. So this morning I've been thinking about it and he asks me what's wrong. I say you don't wanna know. He insists. I then ask "did you stop talking to those females?" And he gets mad cuz I'm "still on that same shit". He thinks I'm just paranoid, which I am. I have chronic anxiety and borderline personality disorder, but I think I manage well. I'm feeling very unheard and undervalued in this moment. I feel like I worry too much but at the same time why does he talk like that with them with no true intent?
TL;DR: BF didn't sex with anyone else, but texts like he will. I invade his privacy to keep tabs on occasion. I ask if he stills talks to those girls,he gets mad saying I'm still on that BS. Do I worry too much or am I justified?

Any advice would be appreciated here. My dad was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer. They only found a single piece of cancer in one of his lymph nodes so they're placing him on a lower grade of chemotherapy that involves infusions every 4 weeks with pills being taken in-between. I don't know if I got the terminology correct, I'm still trying to figure this all out and he's unfortunately not the sharing/asking for help type but he only has me for support.
The issue is I live a few states away and I can't be there during the entire process. As I said before, he's not the type to ask for help but I know this isn't going to be an easy process and I told him I was going to fly in for his first infusion and he was grateful but this is what I mean where I have to take the initiative and force the help rather than wait for him to ask for it.
Any advice from people in similar situations or who have fought/fighting this battle would be appreciated. My current plan is to fly in for the first infusion and stay 10 days to help out in every way which includes getting the house together, cooking the meals, whatever he needs. I'm worried about what's going to happen when I leave and what preparations I need to make/if I should try to fly in for every infusion.
I don't have any family that can help out on this and he also doesn't want people to know so I also haven't been able to talk to anyone about this that could possibly help out.
Please and thank you.

Headlines Youtube: https://youtu.be/yELCni7US84?si=_-nmbRBlyzHn3MAM Spotify: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/FmC16t1xiKb Pride Resolution / MBTA Communities Act / New Brandeis Dorm / Lexington Solar Plant Canceled / Fernald Updates / Dual Language School Moving to WHS Site / New Police Station / Online Meeting Notifications / Community Events
Debrief Youtube: https://youtu.be/YoOqY4ZylPU?si=CgBUexCDKgukRiJ3 SPotify: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/QTNnAt1xiKb May 2024 Debrief: MBTA Communities Act, Pride Resolution, New Newspapers with guest Colleen Bradley-MacArthur, city councilor at-large. 01:00 MBTA community act updates 17:30 CMB: Digital public meeting notifications/”Board of Truth” 27:00 Waltham Pride resolution 37:30 Fernald update from CBM 38:20 New police station update from CBM 40:50 Clematis Ave Church goes before ZBA 44:44 Waltham Pride Event 46:20 A new Waltham newspaper?/The future of print media in Waltham 51:15 Waltham community leadership group Housing Summit Still waiting on a map of the new police station work, update to come.
Headlines transcript: Happy Pride Month! This year’s Waltham Pride festival will take place on Sunday 6/16 from 11am to 4pm on the Waltham Common. On 5/28 the Waltham City Council passed a resolution recognizing Pride month that was submitted by Councilor Katz and signed by all of the councilors, and several councilors made comments in support of the LGBTQ+ community.The resolution was slightly different than those from the past two years, leaving out a call for a pride flag to fly at city hall for the month and language calling out homophobia and transphobia. Our team discussed that more in our Debrief show, which we just posted, so check it out if you haven’t already.
On 5/20 the city law department revealed a draft plan for changes to Waltham’s zoning ordinances to comply with the MBTA Communities Act. The new zoning would allow for four-unit condos near the Brandeis MBTA station and in North Waltham near Waverley station, but would not make any changes to Waltham Center. According to the Waltham Inclusive Neighborhoods group, the city may have gotten the math wrong. In an e-mail sent to supporters, the group said the zoning would allow for less than 2,500 units which would fall short of the nearly 4,000 required by the law. They also noted these units could not be designated as affordable and would be subject to minimum parking requirements that could drive up the price. That plan was discussed in this week’s meeting of the Rules & Ordinances Committee, which recommended that the council approve it. We also discussed that in more detail on our Debrief show.
Also in housing news, Brandeis University is proposing to build a new dorm on South Street which would house up to 650 undergraduates. They’ll be holding a community meeting to discuss that plan on 6/13 at 6pm at 119 School St.
We have an update for you on the proposed solar plant in Lexington: it looks like it’s probably not happening. You may recall a developer planned to build a solar plant plant near the Cambridge Reservoir on land that’s part of Lexington but abuts a residential neighborhood in Waltham. In 2022, when Waltham told the developer they could not build an access road through the neighborhood, the developer sued the city and won. In June of last year, Waltham and the City of Cambridge both filed lawsuits against the town of Lexington for approving the project. But according to court documents posted on social media by Councilor Hanley on 5/8, the developer has now agreed to sell the land to Cambridge, which plans to preserve it as open space. The plaintiffs asked the court to stay the lawsuit for 90 days as they work on finalizing that sale.
We also have some updates for you on the Fernald site: Construction continues on the recreational area at 190 Trapelo Rd., and the concern about a possible wetland violation has been resolved. At their 5/2 meeting the Conservation Commission heard from the wetland scientist they hired who said he performed soil testing and reviewed maps and images of the site, and determined there is a channel containing water there but it does not fall under the commission’s jurisdiction because the water is not flowing. The commission voted to accept that conclusion.
On 5/5, WCAC reported that in April vandals did about $8,000 worth of damage to equipment belonging to the construction contractor at Fernald. On 5/19, Waltham PD used the Fernald site to detonate an object believed to be an explosive found by people who were magnet-fishing in the Charles River. On 5/28, the city’s purchasing department updated the requests for proposals for three of the buildings on the Fernald site to extend the proposal deadline to 7/2.
Waltham’s Dual Language School will be moving to a new home this summer in the building that’s currently home to Waltham High School. The new high school is scheduled to open in the fall, and this week the School Committee voted to move the Dual Language School from Moody St. to 617 Lexington St. by August. The Dual Language School currently serves kindergarten through 5th grade, and parents have expressed concerns that the high school building is not appropriate and the location is a problem for students who walk or bike to school. Our team is working on a special report to take a closer look at that issue.
The mayor and police chief were at this week’s meeting of the Committee of the Whole to discuss plans for a new public safety complex that will include a new police station. The current complex at 155 Lexington St. was built in 1965, and in 2015 the Waltham News Tribune reported that the police station had serious problems including mold, ceiling leaks, broken toilets, and insufficient locker rooms. Since then several sites for a new station have been discussed including the former Fernald and Fitch Schools. The current plan is to build a new complex at the same site on Lexington St., starting with a new police station with double the square footage. Waltham Fire Department, which shares that complex, will temporarily move to School St. before moving into a new station on Lexington.
On 5/20 Councilor Bradley-MacArthur submitted a resolution in the city council that would require the city to announce upcoming meetings online. As we’ve discussed on our shows, the city posts most meetings to an online calendar, but technically they are only required to post them on a bulletin board at city hall in order to comply with the open meeting law. The resolution would require all meeting notices to be posted online, and I’m happy to say Councilor Bradley-MacArthur joined our Debrief show to discuss that.
The Pride festival is just one of several community events coming up this month.This Sunday 6/9 Waltham Inclusive Neighborhoods is hosting a summer social at Margarita’s restaurant from 3-5pm. Also on Sunday the Waltham Land Trust is hosting a concert by musician Sonya Rae Taylor from 2-5pm at 500 Totten Pond Rd. The Waltham Farmer’s Market is happening every Saturday 9am-2pm at a new location at 65 Lexington Street. Waltham Riverfest is on 6/15 10am-4pm on Moody St. On 6/19 Waltham Boys & Girls Club will host a Juneteenth celebration on the Common from 12pm to 4pm. The Waltham Children’s Business Fair will take place on 6/22 from 9am to 6pm, also on the Common. Waltham Critical Mass, which has changed its name to Bike Together Waltham, will have their next ride on 6/29. Also on 6/29 Waltham Community Leadership Group will be holding their second annual Housing Summit at First Parish Church 1pm-5pm.