TL;DR: What I'm looking for in a league is sportscar or formula, road courses, any weeknight between about 6p-9p CST/CDT (or Fri/Sat as late as 11p CST/CDT), and a low-key kinda-casual vibe. I prefer a group in the MN or WI area but I'm open to other groups as long as the time window fits. I have all the road-oriented content so that's not a problem. My iR is currently around 1400 (see below for further detail on that...) and SR at a solid and consistent A4.0.
Long story short, I've been on about a year-long hiatus due to life events and haven't really been able to find seat time until recently. And I've done some solo practice/hotlap sessions to shake off the rust but really don't feel comfortable diving right into official sessions on the new tracks I haven't kept up on. I'm sure my iR would drop immediately for a few weeks before coming back up but I doubt it'd get much higher than 1500 or so for the foreseeable future (just not enough time to dedicate to the "craft"). I just want to hop in with a few like-minded regulars on a weekly basis in a mildly competitive atmosphere.
I've looked at the built-in search plus a few 3rd party league search tools but nothing seems to get me close to groups I'm looking for without wading through hundreds or thousands of leagues that are a clear mismatch. If anyone runs or is in a league that fits what I've described, PLEASE let me know.

i'm working on a novel and would like to know if anyone could tell me any improvements i could make to the first chapter and prologue
Prologue
The day had started the same way it had for the past two years. The only difference was that I was going home. The hallway was crowded with people walking to and from their classes. Everyone was crowded next to each other so the halls were making the area feel claustrophobic. All the people talking mixed with the summer heat made me feel like I was locked in a sauna. I walked with Preston to the last class we would ever have together and as usual he was smiling. I never got why he always smiled even in situations where people should be sad he still smiled. He knew what today meant for me and he tried to keep light of the situation. I kept my head down away from what was ahead of me. My mind was too clouded about returning to see my family to notice anything in front of me. I walked into another student. It felt like I had walked into a wall. I knew immediately I had walked into tree. I stumble onto the ground and the commotion around me slows down to make room for us. He turned his bulky body around and apologized profusely without saying a word even though I had walked into him. He helped me off of the ground before hurrying down the hall.
“Alexandria, are you doing okay?” Preston said he had tilted his body downward so I had to look down to look him in his eyes. The way he was standing made him look like an idiot but he didn't seem to care. The way he acted made me laugh, which caused his smile to widen.
“I'm doing fine, just got lost in my head.”
“Thinking about how you’ll leave soon,” he said
“Was it that obvious?” He was the only person I told about me being an exchange student. I came to spend high school in Newkinawa and he was the only person I ever hung out with.
“I see what you mean,” he said “Newkinawa is a beautiful place with beautiful people to live in it…myself included”
“You wish,” I say with a smile we continue walking through the hallway “I'm just not excited to go back yet”
After I say that his smile grows wider “So you will miss me after all”
“I wouldn't say that much” I responded whilst smiling.
We had made it to our last class only to see it closed with a sign labeled “Uma incident” Uma was a student known for messing with the chemistry lab and destroying school property in the process. I've never actually met her but Preston says “She's a little weird but still nice”
“Guess class is canceled for today,” Preston remarked with a smile “Wanna go out to the court till the bell rings.”
“Sure let's go” I respond
The place we ate every day was outside. It used to be a tennis court before I moved in. Now they put trees and flowers all over the place. Preston really liked the blue color of the flowers but it just never clicked for me. I look over at Preston and he's staring up at the sky. There are a number of clouds in almost enough to block the sun but it still pokes its rays through and lands on Preston's face. The clouds swim in front of the sun till they block out the sun's light. Preston faces towards me.
“I'm gonna miss you Alexandria” he says
“You know you can just call me Alex,” I replied. I start to smile again. “I'll miss you too!" He smiles toward me again as we get up to leave as the clouds start to clump together and rain slowly falls. As we're walking back to the school there's a loud tearing sound followed by screams as the ground shakes.
The ground tears itself apart as the dirt and stone erupt from the ground. The sky blackens and a pale blue light escapes the earth. Then creatures erupt from the ground in a violent ejection from the earth creating a white pillar diffusing as they reach higher in the air. Some are clawing their way out of the cracks like maggots out of a corpse. People are swept into the updraft screaming for their lives.
The creatures descend like a tidal wave and tear apart any people caught in their path. They storm out of the crack in hundreds as more cracks in the earth form. Me and Preston started running away as people were screaming behind us. A girl running next to us has her legs slashed by a creature. The monster begins to tear open her chest as she chokes on her own blood. The monster shovels her lungs and innards into its decrepit mouth. Me and Preston keep running until we're met at the entrance of the school and we catch the attention of a monster as it begins to savagely rush toward us. The monster resembles ghosts my father told me about. But this one looks monstrously horrific. It floats in the air and opens its mouth so wide it nearly replaces its entire torso; its jaws hold savage teeth each the same old gray color of its body. Its eyes glow a rotten yellow color through the dark. It stretches out its arms showing its giant hands and claws like fingers. It swipes at us leaving a giant claw mark on the door behind us but Preston ducks my body down to avoid the attack. We run around it as the monster swaps its focus to another bystander. Screaming past us. Me and Preston run into the parking lot as people scream around us. We hide next to a car.
“What the hell is happening!?” I yell to Preston. More of the creatures fly over us and swoop down to people like vultures on roadkill devouring the fleeing people.
Preston starts to breathe heavily ”we need to get out of here and someplace safer”. As we were talking one of the monster phases through the car we were hiding next to forcing us to run into the street.
“Lets go to your house till things cool down” i say to Preston through panted breaths
“Wait couldn't we head to your house instead” Preston says.
“Why would that matter your house is closer anyways” i respond
“But-” Preston is interrupted by two creatures swooping above us to grab another person. The two monsters begin to pull the person apart while he writhes in pain before having his flesh be torn in half and having his organs be devoured.
“Come on lets go!!” I say as I grab his hand and run even faster.
By the time we reach Preston's house any living person is gone. On the street are just corpses laying torn and mutilated on the roads and sidewalk. The air in the neighborhood feels cold despite the season being summer. When I walk down the street I can still hear the occasional horrific wail the monsters give off. We move closer to Preston's house and I can see him sweating. He looked more worried than before when the creatures were chasing us and he kept darting his eyes away from his home.
“Preston, are you feeling okay?” he doesn't respond to my question and keeps darting his eyes. He walks slowly behind me and as I reach for the door handle and when I touch it it feels nearly freezing. I wrap my hoodie around my hand and slowly open the door. The house is quiet so me and Preston creep further into his house. The inside is cold and damp as if we were locked in a freezer. The further we move into the house the louder a subtle chewing sound is heard.
“It sounds like rats are eating a dead cow over there” I whisper. Preston continues to stay silent behind me. We slowly walk closer towards the kitchen and the sound gets louder and louder and louder until we reach the room.
We're met with a rancid smell of vomit and blood. My blood starts to run cold and every instinct in my body is telling me to run. I can feel Preston breathing get heavier as we get closer. We turn the corner and see Preston's mom lying on the ground dead with one of the creatures hunched over slurping her intestines. The sight causes me to vomit alerting the monster to our presence. The creature turns around and its mouth turns into a mortifying grin as it flies into Preston's moms body. The corpse begins to rise and spur splashing blood over the kitchen. When the corpse stops spasming it picks itself up from the ground and with glazed over eyes it holds its intestines in its hand and gives us the same grin it did when it was outside her body. The possessed corpse lunges at me and starts to chase me around the kitchen. The body is running into the walls and cabinets spraying its blood and other loose organs around the area as I'm avoiding its assault. The corpse leans over and ejects one of its loose intestines towards me, wrapping me in it. It pulls me towards it so fast I'm flung towards the ground. The corpse limbers over to me and raises its free hand aiming for my head. The creature's deranged smile causes the corpse’s cheeks to tear apart. It places both of its bloodied and demented hands on my face and starts to press my skull into the ground. I struggle to breathe. The room starts to get dark and blood escapes my head.
Until Preston jumps on top of his mothers corpse with a kitchen knife and repeatedly stabs it in the head. The possessed body tries to shake him off but he keeps stabbing, blood gets in on his face and tears start to escape his eyes. The creature violently ejects from the corpse's mouth causing her head to nearly explode and Preston stops stabbing the body. The body falls over in a splash of blood and organs. The monster leaves phasing through the roof leaving Preston crying over his mother's body. As the blood mixes with the tears he collapses to his knees crying. I walk over and hug him as the air around us turns bitter and the chill of death leaves the room and us with it.
Chapter 1 Eclipse
It's been 2 months since the apocalypse started. We've kept ourselves alive by looting grocery stores and houses, we hide from the creatures as we have no way to fight back against them. Preston came up with the idea to call them glanter’s. He’s looking better since we left his family home but I can tell something is wrong with him that he's not telling me. Everytime I ask him about it he tells me it's no big deal. I asked him earlier today and he just told me
“don't worry about it, I'm over it” without even looking at me. Now we're walking through the street and I'm walking behind Preston, I can barely see his head past the giant bag we're both carrying on our backs we use to carry supplies. I look up at the sky and it's still pitch black except for the moon giving us any amount of light. Preston turns around to face me.
“Let's check out that house, it might have some cool stuff in it” he points to a white house to our right. The house is a two story building with steps leading to the front door. There's a generator poking out from the backyard. The driveway is empty save for a couple of dried blood stains and tire marks. It's similar to the other houses in the neighborhood except for a couple broken windows.
“Sure why not” We head over to the house and I see something shining on the side of the house in the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at it closer but it quickly disappears before I can see it clearly.
“Probably squirrel or something” I mumble to myself. Preston walks up the stairs to the house and I walk up the steps behind him as a breeze blows past my face. Preston tries to turn the door knob but the door is locked. I start to pull out a lockpick I grabbed at the store earlier. I motion towards Preston to move out of the way as I kneel down to pick the lock. It takes me a couple of minutes to unlock the door so I walk inside the house and Preston follows behind me while closing and locking the door. The doorway of the house leads to a dark room so I take a flashlight out of my bag to illuminate the area. Were put into the living room and bookshelves are on the walls and a large TV sat in front of a large black couch with smaller chairs surrounding it. Dust is covering every surface of the room and spiderwebs litter the corners of the walls. The area smells like moth balls and there's a lack of blood anywhere nearby.
“Guess the owners got out before the Glanter’s got in, '' I say to Preston. When he doesn't respond I turn around and he's already looking further into the house. When I find him he's managed to find a flight of stairs that lead to a lower portion of the house.
“I'll check on him later,” I think to myself as I headed towards the kitchen to see if we could restock on food. I walk past a bedroom and remark on how childish it looked. The walls were painted with blue and green stripes and a bunk bed sat on the right wall. There's a chest at the foot of the bed so I walk over and lift the top off of it. The box is layered with children's toys, a multitude of dolls, bears, and figures all jut out of the box. I notice a small robot toy and inspect it in my hands.
The cold metal makes my hand shiver and the sharp body shape makes the robot bigger than my hand. There's red lining around the robot's buttons surrounded by the cold gray of the robot's “skin”. It reminds me of a toy my little brother had. My heart feels heavy as I worry about what happened to my family. If they're alive, dead, or worse…possessed. The thoughts send a chill down my spine but I push them aside for now. I put the toy in my bag and exit the bedroom.
I can see the kitchen is down the hallway so I walk down the hall and enter. The kitchen is pretty clean except for a couple of dishes in the sink and the dust. There's a table seated for 3 people in the center of the room. I start opening the cabinets in search for any food or water. There's boxes of cereal leftover on top of shelves and a mix of chip bags and cookies in neat boxes stationed in the cabinets.
“Score,” I say to myself as I begin to put the snacks into my bag. When the cabinets are empty I look inside the fridge. The inside of the fridge ran out of power so most of the food inside is rotted. There are a couple of bottles of water in the front so I shove those in my bag. There's also a bag of oranges that still seem to be healthy in the back. I grab them and toss them on the table. There's rotten sandwich meat hidden in the drawer of the fridge.it smells like a dumpster outside of a butcher shop. I wrinkle my nose at the smell. I look around the kitchen for any bread with no luck.
I continue to look through the fridge until I hear Preston scream from another room. Immediately I bolt out of the kitchen leaving my bag behind and run towards the lower part of the house. I run down the stairs and nearly trip on the steps. The stairs lead to a big room. There are posters to tv shows and movies I don't recognize. The walls are painted black and there's a bear skin rug on the floor. I notice Preston standing next to a really big TV hyperventilating. I walk over to him and ask him.
“Are you ok? What happened?”
He talks through deep breaths “I… saw a… spider.”
“What?!” I respond in confusion.
“It was really big and I had jumped at my face”
“Sure it was.” I say while laughing “Let's go upstairs there's some food in the fridge we can eat”
“Wait, I think you should check this out.” He says while pointing towards one of the walls. I grab Preston's flashlight off the floor and face it towards the wall. Hanging halfway off the wall is a large map labeled Newkiwana scavenger hunt of 76.
“I think we should take it,” Preston says “You can read a map right?”
“A little but I'm not the best at it,” I say to him “can you read a map?”
“it shouldn’t be too hard it’s mainly pictures any way I'm sure I can figure it out”
I walk over to the wall where the map is hung there are trophies covering tables and shelved in their own personal cases one of them reads “1st place 100-meter swimming competition for 1986 Zack Hemmingway” and another one reads “2nd place 100-meter swimming competition for 1989 Zack Hemmingway”
“Guess this guy really liked swimming,” Preston remarks while staring at a wall of newspaper clippings. All of them are about the same person in swimming competitions. All labeled different things like “a new record for Zack “the dolphin” Hemmingway”,
‘Zach Hemmingway our star plans for the future” all the newspapers are about this kind he has paler skin and a bulky enough build to swim pretty well. Most of the pictures have him coming out of the water in a pool, his long black hair soaked and sitting at his shoulders. Another one has him sitting at a desk over a pile of books and his hair in a knot , “vicious wipeout ends the Dolphins career”, and “ex-swim champ Zack Hemmingway found in a drunken stupor outside strip club.
“Everyone has their own hobbies I guess,” I say as I take the map off of the wall and fold it up. “Sucks what happened to Zack though” I walked over to Preston’s bag and put the rolled map in one of the pockets. I walk back up the stairs and Preston grabs his bag and follows behind me.
We make our way towards the kitchen and Preston starts looking through the fridge for anything to eat. I grab an orange from the table and throw it at his head. The fruit bounces off his head and rolls on the floor. He turns around and grabs the fruit from the floor
“Why did you throw an orange at me?”
“It's the only food we have unless you plan on eating spoiled a sandwich“ He starts to peel it while walking towards the table. We both take a seat and start to eat the oranges from the bag. He plants his feet on top of the table and bites into the fully peeled orange. I grab a water bottle from a bag and start to drink from it as Preston says.
“I saw a dvd player in that man cave downstairs we could watch a movie if it still has power”
“Sure it could be fun.” Me and Preston spend the rest of our time eating until the bag of oranges is emptied and we head back downstairs. Preston grabs the DVD player from under the table and blows the dust off the top of it; he plugs it into the wall as I plop myself onto the couch. He plugs the DVD player into the TV and sits on the recliner next to me. He presses a few buttons on the remote and the TV lights up. I squint my eyes at how bright it is. It's the most amount of light I've seen that didn't come from a flashlight. I notice there's a box filled with DVDs. I pull the box over towards me. I ruffle through the box and see movies like Silence of the Lambs, Terminator 2, and Home alone.
“Dude some of these came out just before the world turned inside out” I say to him.
“Really? Let's play one.” He responds. I toss him Terminator 2 and he puts it into the DVD player.
We spend the next couple hours watching movies and laughing together. It's some of our only moments of peace we’ve had since the end of the world and to me it's the most fun I've had yet. We're putting in the next DVD when there's a loud crash outside and the TV shuts off. Preston goes behind it to see if it's still plugged in.
“I think the generator outside is busted” i say
“It seems that way” Preston replies while backing away from the tv” i'm gonna go check it out”
“Don't worry I got it” I say as I hop out of my chair. Preston waves goodbye as I head up the stairs. I make my way back through the hallway leading to the living room and front door. I reach the door and start to turn the knob. I open the door wide as a car speeds down the street. I step out of the door to see what had happened when I hear the screech of a glanter. It cuts through the sky like an unholy opera singer. A group of them fly by and chase the car as I rush back inside the house. I slam the door shut and look through the window as I see a couple of smaller glanters grab and shake the car violently looking for the driver. They tear at it, ripping off doors and breaking the windows. The driver screams as the seats cover with blood and he's ripped out of the car as multiple smaller glanters tear and bite off parts of his body like piranha's until his body is completely devoured. I run back to the man cave to warn Preston about what had happened. I spot him laying in his chair spinning a DVD disc on his finger.
“It's not safe outside right now”
“Why not?
“There's glanter's outside, they just ate a dude in his car”
“Did they see you come inside?”
“I don't think so , they flew off before I went inside.”
“well we're not dead so I'm gonna say they didn't see you. But let's stay here for a couple more hours just to be safe”
“Sounds good i'm gonna go find the master bedroom.” I start to walk back up the stairs to the house
“ Hold on why do you get the master bedroom” Preston says while walking after me.
“Because I'm gonna find it first” I say as I start to run to find the bedroom. He chases after me in pursuit of the bedroom. Me and Preston run around the house looking for the master bedroom. We look through room after room finding closets, the garage, a bathroom and a door leading to a balcony in the back of the house. I manage to run into the bedroom and yell out to Preston.``Found it!!”
He comes walking into the room breathing heavily from the running. We both check out the room. The walls are painted a cream yellow and the bed takes up most of the room's center. The bed has burgundy sheets poking out from its bottom and a quilt with multi-colored floral designs lay sprawled out on top of it. There's a wardrobe built into the wall and a black leather couch sits comfortably on the left wall.
“Dibs on the bed” I say as I jump on top of it. I stretch out on top of the quilt and search for a comfortable part to sleep in.
“Where am I supposed to sleep then?” Preston complains
“You can sleep on the couch it looks soft enough” I respond while pointing towards the couch “I saw some spare blankets in one of the closets”
“Alright i’ll be right back” he mumbles to himself “why do i always get the couch”
“ I'll be right here if you need me,” i call after him. I sit up on the bed and start to look around the room more. I notice the entrance to the wardrobe is cracked open slightly. I hop out of the bed and grab a flashlight from my bag as I walk into the wardrobe. I turn on my flashlight and stare in awe at how many clothes are in there. The room is only half as big as the bedroom but it's still bigger than any closet I've ever had. The wardrobe is full of shirts, dresses, pants, and shoes for men and women. I immediately start to look through the shoes to see if any fit my size. I throw a pair of black high heels behind me as Preston finds me in the wardrobe. He looks around before asking me.
“What are you doing?”
“Finding a new pair of clothes to wear cause I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for waaaaay too long”
“Fair enough. Is there any guy stuff in there?”
“Yeah right there” I hook my thumb behind me to point to the other end of the closet.
“I'm sure they won't mind if we take a couple of things…they're probably dead by now anyways,” Preston says with a slight grin on his face. The way he said made me spin my head to look at him but he was already on the opposite end of the wardrobe looking at suits.
I shake away the thought and continue looking for any pair of sneakers in my size. 40 minutes pass before I walk out of the wardrobe holding a new pair of jeans and a black guns-N-roses t-shirt. I toss the clothes on top of the bed and check to see if the shower in the bathroom still works. I turn the dial and wait for a moment. The shower head chokes a little before water comes pouring out. I reach my hand under the showerhead to feel the water. The water is cold, it causes my hand to shiver when I take it out. I shake the water off and say to myself.
“Good enough” as I start to take off my old clothes and get in the shower. The cold water bounces off my skin, it sends shivers down my spine but I still get the old dirt from the last few months off of me. I step out and see a couple of dry towels hanging off of the door. I grab one and dry my body off and grab another to wrap around my head and dry my hair. I step out of the bathroom and Preston is still inside the wardrobe. I put on my new clothes while his back is turned and walk over towards him when I'm finished.
“Still haven't found anything,” I ask him
He turns around “Nothing yet, the only thing interesting was this coat.” He holds a leather coat up to me. The coat is made of black leather and has a skull covered with blue flames on the back. There's a black shirt inside the coat with a skeleton hand making a thumbs-up embroidered on the front.
“ That's pretty cool, it's better than what you're wearing right now at least” he's outfitted in a blue hoodie with holes on the chest and tears at the sleeves. He also has a shirt with a faded picture of a blue flower printed on it.
“I guess you're right” he gets up from the floor and exits the wardrobe. He lays the clothes on the couch along next to the blanket and pillow he brought into the room.
“The shower works so you can get yourself clean In there,” I say to him
“You know, a shower sounds really good right now.” He gets up from the floor and grabs a pair of pajama pants that were laying next to him. He leaves the wardrobe and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After a moment the water turns on and I hop on the bed to get ready to sleep. I squirm myself into the quilt and rest my head against one of the pillows. I shut my eyes and fall asleep listening to the passive sound of the shower like rain on a car.
I'm in a void. It feels like I'm standing in a puddle of water that reaches to my knees. I wade my way forward looking around for anything in the darkness. In the distance I can see 3 figures l. I moved closer to them and their silhouettes get clearer. I realize they are my dad and brothers. I start to run towards them kicking up water behind me until something grabs my leg. It pulls down violently forcing me under the water without a breath of air. I kick at the thing grabbing me until something grabs my other leg. I look down and see two glanter's each with a monstrous smile on their faces. They stare back at me and one of them tugs my leg harder than before and tears it off of my body. The water around me turns red as the glanter laugh's. The other smiles wider as it starts to fling me around the water forcing any air left in my lungs to be forced out as I scream in pain. The glanter throws me away and I can see my family slowly fade into the distance as I'm flown away.
I struggle to swim back to where I was, one of my legs is missing and the other is broken. The glanter's find me again and I try to get to the surface to escape them. I'm flapping my arms in any attempt to escape as one of the glanter's flies in front of me and grabs my arm. I look at the monster with tears in my eyes as it bites my arm and tears my body away from it. It flings my body away and with my remaining arm I clutch the wound as the water floods into my body leaving me in the void I started in. I look around and the glanter's seem to have left. I turn behind me and see my family again, this time I'm closer than before.
I grit my teeth and drag my body towards them slowly as I leave a trail of blood and tears behind me. I finally reach my family and grab one of my father's shoes. I stare up and he looks at me. His stare causes me to feel cold as a grotesque smile grows on his face. I stare in shock as my brothers each have the same look as my father.
I shoot up from my sleep panting heavily in a cold sweat.
“It was just a dream..just a dream…just a dream” I look at my hands as tears fall into them. I look around the room and see Preston sleeping peacefully on the couch. The room feels frozen in place as a chill runs down my spine. I get out of the bed and walk out of the bedroom. I make my way through the dark hallway and find the entrance to the balcony I saw earlier. I creak open the screen door and head outside. The Balcony is pretty large, about the size of the kitchen in the house. There are some chairs knocked over next to a table and I pick one up to sit on it. I look out into the expanse of the neighborhood, houses lined up next to each other, dozens broken apart by roads, and dead bodies scattered across the roads.
I look up in the sky and sit back in the chair. The sky looks empty except for the moon giving this world its only source of light. Without the moon, we’d be left in darkness. It hangs in the sky alone, no stars, no clouds, nothing but itself, and the void of the sky. I think back about the dream I had. My dad and my brother's all dead and possessed and then they kill me. I start to tear up thinking about it. I try to wipe away the tears but it’s no use. I'm too scared for my family. I don't know where they are if they're alive if they're worried about me I don't know anything! I start to quietly cry into my hands. I don't know how long I'm sitting there until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head to face it and I see Preston. He was smiling and looking at me. I turn away to wipe my tears and he walks next to me.
“I heard you sneaking out of the bedroom so I followed you to see where you were going.” he says “but that's not my question.” he pauses and looks at me “my question is what’s got you feeling so down?” he leans over the railing of the balcony
“It's nothing, I just came out here to clear my head.” I say as more tears escape from my eyes in big slow drops that ride down the sides of my face.
“if you don't feel like telling me you don't have to but i'll be here if you ever change your mind”. He looks up at the moon before turning to face me and his smile widens “I'll always be here with you…trust me I'm not going anywhere”
I stare up at him and wipe away my tears as a smile grows on my face to match his. I get up and stare over the balcony with him. “So where are we heading next?” I say to him, Preston pulls the map we got from the man cave downstairs out from his pocket.
“After I got out of the shower I decided to take a look at the map for anything interesting we could see.”
“Ok did you find anything?” i ask
“I did,” he points at a spot on the right of the map. “We should head to the museum”
“I didn't want to go to a museum before the apocalypse why would i want to go now?'' I ask him.
“Well the best part of museums is the cool stuff right”
“Yeah what about it”
“The only problem is that you could only look at the fossils and armor but you could never take them.”
“So you want to rob a museum?” Prestons eyes light up at the question
“Exactly they might have a really cool sword I could use, or I could sharpen a dinosaur tooth and use that as a weapon, there might be a cursed shield that can summon the dead to fight for you. This opportunity is too good to pass up. We need to go!”
“That does seem pretty cool but wouldn't carrying that stuff weigh us down. What if a glanter is chasing us and we can't run fast enough because of the stuff we took from the museum.”
“We’ll only take things that are light. Even then I could just block the glanter with my newly acquired 2000 year old shield.”
“Fair enough we can go in a couple hours” I yawn and stretch out my arms. “Cause I'm feeling way too tired to walk all the way over there right now.”
“Alright i'm heading back to my couch and THEN we’ll head out to the museum” he leaves the balcony and heads back to the master bedroom leaving me alone on the balcony.
“Thanks Preston I'm not leaving either” I say into the sky. I turn around and walk back inside the house, closing the balcony door behind me. I walk back into the bedroom and Preston is hunched over and holding a flashlight looking at the map. He’s drawing lines through roads and marking X’s in different areas.
“What are the X’s for?” i ask him
“They’re places that glanter’s usually stay around. I'm marking them off so we remember not to go through them, or at least be more cautious.”
“Cool. Did you find where we are right now?” He points to an area where the lines all converge out of.
“Right around here is where the neighborhood ends. So if we follow this path we can make it to the museum in one piece” I pat him on the back and take the map from his hands.
“Get some sleep Preston, we have a full day tomorrow” he grins to himself before laying down on the couch. I put the map back into my bag and hop on the bed to get to sleep. I cover my body in the quilt and roll over facing away from Preston as he falls asleep. I nestle myself into the bed and slowly fall asleep to get ready for the next day.
I'm awoken by Preston shaking the bed I'm sleeping on. My eyes open and the room is foggy, I wipe away the sleep from my eyes and focus my attention towards Preston. He's practically jumping out of his skin with excitement, he's already fully dressed for the trip and shaking the bed with a wide smile on his face.
“Ok ok i'm up the air feels heavy as a groggy feeling fills my body. I wipe my eyes and the room starts to clear up. I turn to face Preston. He's still shaking my bed to wake me up, he’s already fully dressed and nearly jumping out of his skin in excitement.
“Ok ok, i'm up you can stop shaking the bed” i say
“Then get up we’ve got a long walk ahead of us” he says as he stops shaking the mattress. He grabs the map from my bag and points to one of the red lines.
“We're gonna follow this way to the museum. We’ll move past the hotel around the ice skating rink and around the park. We’ll mainly stick to walking through the streets, we might have to go rooftop hopping to avoid any glanter’s if we see them but i'm sure we won’t reach that point.” he explains
“Wait, wait, wait, why are avoiding the skating rink and the park” i ask
“ everytime we go near the park there's weird noises and light coming out of it”
“And why can't we go to the ice skating rink?”
“I didn't think it would be important”
“It couldn't hurt to check it out at least”
“Fine we could make a detour”
“Ok and how do you plan on getting on top of roofs?”
“I'm sure we'll figure it out when we get to it”
“Ok man as long as you’re sure '' I yawn and step out of the bed. Preston starts to put the map in his bag. I walk into the bathroom with my clothes and change out of my pajamas. Minutes later I walk out and see Preston sitting on the couch twiddling his thumbs.
“Finally you're out” he smiles at me before handing me my bag and slinging it over his shoulder. We took a last look inside the kitchen to see if we missed anything. Afterwards we leave for the outside. The cold air bites at my face but Preston walks down the stairs, his face buried in the map. I jog to catch up to him as we both head into the street.
“Hey Preston, could I see the map?”
“Sure” he hands over the map and continues walking. I look at the map and the numerous lines drawn on roads. I look at the corner of the map and notice a small map key with numerous symbols for different areas like a library, school, hospital, and more. There's even a way to tell how far away each location is. The text reads “1 inch=5 miles” I quickly count how far we are from the museum.
“Dude this museum is like 100 miles away.”
“Yep it'll be a long walk, it'll take us a while to get there”
“Did you plan on us walking there the whole time?”
“We might find bikes or something.” he pauses “well i did think we would walk the whole way”
“This is gonna take us weeks to get there!”
“Did you have anything else planned?”
“Well…i guess not but we should still try to find some bikes or something”
“Ok if we see any way to travel faster we’ll take it”
“Alright cool” I hand him the map back and he folds it back up and puts it in his bag. We walk further until we leave the gated neighborhood we started in. Preston takes the map back out and looks at it before he turns right and continues walking. I follow him staring forward at the expanse of the road. The outside of the neighborhood is surrounded by roads all leading to different parts of Newkinawa. We walk past a sign that reads “Coretown 20 miles ahead” I nudge Preston towards the sign and he checks the map again.
“Yep, the museum’s in Coretown. Would you believe the residents were pretty proud of it. Should be a fun place to explore” he says
“Yeah but it’ll take us a million years to get there.” i complain
“Lighten up, I'm sure it will be worth it”. We continue walking down the road slowly making our way to Coretown.

Chapter 1
“Huff, huff”
Zhong Lin inhaled the heavy gray mist surrounding him, sizzling his already sore lungs. The rancid, musty air did little to soften his scowl aimed at the colossal slab of gravestone. The waning blue moon above casted eerie shadows on the ground, seemingly mocking his desperation.
A reckless punch born out of rage landed on the hard granite. But the carvings of incomprehensible beings responded with little other than broken nerves and muscles.
“HAHAHAHHAHA”
With a loud laugh of self-derision, he roughly fell on the cold, cobbled floor. The chest injury he had forgotten about flared up with the fall. He stared at the blood that flowed from his chest, akin to a river slithering down a mountain, dyeing the floor crimson.
He moved his right hand towards his chest, holding down on the wound. Physical pain was still more bearable than the heart. He had been long used to the pain. Both of heart and body.
“All that for nothing.”
A dispirited mutter left his parched lips as blood and sweat melded together. Divine sense showed his nascent soul in a similar state to his body. As the Qi and Blood competed to leave him, a strong dizziness assaulted his senses, spinning even the azure moon above.
He pulled out a jar with only one red pill left inside.
*Crunch*
Brisk chewing gave life to the hollow, misty temple of death as he gnawed on his final pill. He knew it was futile. When the slab showed no response, he already had a hunch that all his efforts were for naught. Yet, if living a mere moment would increase his non-existent odds, he would seize that moment with everything. He lost too much to stop here.
“You were wrong, father. Trying is never enough.”
Reminiscing about his lives, he couldn’t help but wonder how everything had gone so awry. When he transmigrated to this world, he thought he could redo everything.
A second, no, his first, proper chance at life.
And he had to admit, he had gotten lucky. A loving family. A shed above his head. A heart full of warmth. Brought by the simple act of his mother brushing his hair. By stern reprimands of his father as his sister laughed from behind. But that gave away to the question, had he been a bit too lucky?
“I am sorry, Rin. Your big brother is a coward.”
They say that your life flashes past your eyes before you meet your end. He could not confirm it in his last life, perhaps because he did not have a life worth remembering, but now he could see it clearly.
A scene that frequented him in his nightmares.
It was midnight when the mournful shrieks broke him out of dreams. He sat up to muffled screams, fizzling out, one after another. Even the unending darkness of night was eclipsed by an emerald hue, bleeding into his room from the small crevices of the windows.
From an interstice he watched the man in black robe. With a glowing blade, the dark figure painted the snow in crimson. He saw his father among them, kneeling. A warning in his eyes met his own. And he raced like hell itself chased him, away from the nauseating scent of blood.
And quickly hid inside the house, going away from his room. As fear grasped his soul, the realization hit, his sister was still sleeping, unaware of the carnage outside. Before he could reach out, a footstep froze him, burning him with a primal fear. Only a small, sleepy “Big brother?” reached him, before his heartbeats taking over once again.
But fear whispered at him, to not breathe, to not move, to not go. And he caved in to it, paralyzed, until the screams stopped and the morning sun shone. Only then did he go out, finding her there, lying peacefully.
Only, a bit of perplexity in her azure eyes, which had long lost all semblance of life. Her eyes would continue to stare at him, every night.
Like they did right now as his vision blurred.
“I am sorry, Rin. It should have been me.”
He croaked. There is no pill for regret. Like a gut punch it hit. Often, he wondered why he had been left alive. Before, he thought it was due to him hiding well, but only later did he know that he was spared. After all, there was nowhere to hide from a divine sense.
Sound sleep became a thing of luxury from then on as nightmares took over. Thus, a ten-year-old made revenge his life goal.
But it did not take him long to realize that smarts could not overpower those with the strength to break mountains. Hence, he ran after power, meticulously scheming. Ten years a valet of nobles. Hundreds a slave to immortals. Thousands of years of cultivation. Only to find an answer to one question.
Why was he spared on the night of snowfall?
But efforts matter less where talent is venerated. What took him years took the man of his nightmares a day to accomplish. And by the time Zhong Lin reached nascent soul, his figure of vengeance had long surpassed him by an impossible margin. And he despaired, for as long as he remembered.
Until Requiem landed on his hand, that is. A book of a God long forgotten. A different path to power, beyond what immortals could ever hope to accomplish. And he did whatever the book told him. For that was his only hope.
He found the missing pieces, assembled them, piece by piece. Hiding, running, stealing, slaughtering. Funnily enough. all his efforts only led to him creating his own burial. Perhaps it was karma. Slowly, He felt impending death crawling on his skin as the smell of blood got thicker and thicker.
Faintly, a sound of footsteps could be heard from afar. The firm noise of boots steadily made its way, like death. Inevitable.
Zhong mustered all his remaining strength to stand up, amplifying the dizziness. He had a faint idea of what approached him.
He who led him to the pit of hell.
A black silhouette wearing a gray overcoat slowly emerged from the haze of mist, holding a yellow lantern in his hand. Yet, all the light avoided his visage, scattering before reaching the inky blackness.
“To be honest, I never imagined that you would actually manage to find it yourself.” Zhong Lin’s face crumbled as he listened to the deep, gruff voice mocking him, but he had little to return to the derision reaching his ears. “I must thank you for saving me the trouble.”
Zhong Lin numbly gazed at the figure that went beyond his understanding. A being made of the vast cosmos. Hands made of stars, a face that resembled eternal darkness.
“Sorry. Kid. There was never any inheritance.” Zhong Lin listened to the voice that sounded like a death sentence. In his journey, he had considered many times a question, What if he does not get the inheritance? But he never considered that there was no inheritance to begin with. But all the despair only left as the haze cleared, and a profound numbness filled all that was hollow in his heart.
“Kid” A soft voice reached the ears of the listless Zhong Lin. He watched the inky black around the cosmic figure leave as he brought the lantern up. But more than that familiar voice and face, what brought him more despair is the one single line. “Do you remember the night of snowfall?”
No. It could not have been that early!
His face scrunched up, forming an expression of madness again, his knuckles cracking as they turned white. “Old hermit.” He whispered. He finally connected all the dots. It was not just after he got Requiem. For his entire life, he was but a simple pawn. Chess piece right from the very start of his journey. A mantis unaware of the oriole behind.
No wonder. The only reason why he managed to survive the impossible odds so far was because a higher being was aiding him. He attributed the random burst of luck and lucky encounters to destiny, thinking the world itself wanted him to succeed. How foolish of him when fate has done nothing but mock him.
He stared at the peaceful face of an old hermit; someone he had known for ages. His benefactor, a lifesaver many times,. “Kid, don’t misunderstand. It was never personal.”
“Why?” A quivering voice escaped Zhong Lin’s lips as all of his expression left his face, leaving numbness occupying it once again.
“Why was I spared?” He stared at the being that seemed eternal by now once again, with a black face, hands like the cosmos holding onto a lantern.
Old hermit laughed at the question. “Would you believe me if I said everything was merely a coincidence?”
Zhong Lin watched the burning golden eyes on his eternal black visage peek at his soul. Unfeeling, cold, relishing in his nightmare, refusing to fulfill even his final wish.
And he decided, right there.
The runic seals around his soul unchained as he quickly compressed the Qi on the bead, something he had been keeping inside his soul for a long while. The thunder and fire souls mixed together, creating a mad frenzy of Qi inside him. Soon, all seven souls were burning madly, before destroying themselves within seconds, like an avalanche of Qi.
*BOOOOOOMMMMMM*
The nascent soul destruction created a feint as he propelled the bead forward, to the middle of the gravestone, to the piece he had forged himself. He watched with his dimming divine sense as the bead slowly made its way with a bit of hope, to destroy one of the stones, to stop whatever his plan was.
But right before the bead could reach it. Hermit waved his hand, stopping all the chaotic movement of Qi and soul. Zhong Lin’s final bit of hope died out as he reached his eternal end.
“Almost succeeded. But you were too desperate.” The hermit laughed as he watched the desperate Zhong Lin’s final attempt. Walking towards the frozen bead, he stared at the brewing Qi that would have certainly taken down the entire temple if it hit. .
“And even if you damaged it, it would have only brought me a mild inconvenience.” He ran his fingers on the gravestone, muttering softly. A laughter of elation resounded in the empty hall as he brought out a key from his overcoat. As soon as the key reached the stone, a small hole opened up, like it was made for it. With a clink, the rectangular slab of granite transformed, into a small, unassuming olden black book.
A single ancient word was written on the black cover.
Requiem
“Right? Requiem.”
He stared at the bloody mess caused by the splattered organs and blood on the stone walls. Although he protected himself and Requiem, he shared not that feeling about the old temple of death. He gazed at the detonated Qi that intermixed with the soul energy, all seven souls had been unchained and intermixed.
“Did not even leave yourself a path out for reincarnation. But, kid, you may have chosen well.”
A sigh escaped his lips as he walked off into the dark maws of the door. As he left the temple, it broke down, piece by piece. The large pillars slowly slid underground like it were submerging in water, along with the rest of the temple, disappearing like it never existed, taking with it Zhong Lin's remains. From now on, the old temple of death will have never existed, alongside Zhong Lin.
Or that’s what was supposed to happen.
But an anomalous corruption in time and space was brewing,

And when I look at him, it feels like my eyes cross the way it does when I watch tv without my glasses on. I don't know why anyone would ever want something like butterfly doors and I don't know why anyone would ever want someone like me.
This other guy is named Abdul. Its not really Abdul. But it is a Muslim name. Because he's muslim. And he works long shifts because he's a doctor. But I'm Pentecostal. I've been modest for a few months now & I know lots of Muslim women. I wish I knew them enough to be friends with them. When Abdul makes time for me, all I can think about is how badly I wish I were friends with the women I meet in modesty conferences and events. I want to talk to them about him. I'm not sure why he wants to talk to me. I'm not very nice to him. I don't even know what kind of doctor he is. If I were him, I'd have blocked me and called me a racist bitch a long time ago.
When I listen to music, and the bass gets real deep, and the key gets a little minor and a little naughty, that's when I feel most at home with Karson. That's how I know he isn't good for me. Anytime it's that easy for me to dance with someone, that means they're not good for me. If I could only see Karson at night, it'd be okay with me. But I don't have that kind of restraint and neither does he. If his name wasn't goofy and if he had butterfly doors, I would sleep with him.
But I'll never see the butterfly doors again. I don't like car guys.

REVIEW- Alaska Airlines Boston to Portland in First class (5/24/2024)

By Scott H. Johnson

Last Friday, May 24th, I flew First Class from Boston to Portland nonstop on Alaska airlines. On the Portland to Boston flight 4 days before, despite being MVP Gold, I didn’t even get a Premium seat. I had gotten my hopes up, because I sat at #1 on the First-Class upgrade list the whole day before, until about 6 pm when I plummeted to #12. Oh, well. I didn’t get my hopes up the day before I came home, as I was #3.
I was surprised that evening when I checked and I had been upgraded to my favorite seat -2A. Sometimes the upgrade gods smile when you least expect it.
Check in at Logan the next morning was a breeze. Despite the Armageddon-style warnings that Friday, May 24 would be the most awful travel day in recorded history, when I got off the bus from the rental car center, there were no crazed throngs, just folks walking to check-in like any other day.
The CLEAR line had a few folks peering into their retinal readers, so I used plain old TSA PreCheck. There were maybe 8 fliers in front of me. I quickly went through without any issues and it was time for a quick coffee. I am a member of Alaska’s Lounge Plus, and I often use the Admiral’s Club access it gives me, but I didn’t have time to wander (I thought!) down to their Club at B4 as it was almost 6:00 am and my flight was out of B36 at 6:20 am. I found a good place to stand and waited to board. 6:20 came and went, then a few moments came the dreaded “checking something on the aircraft” announcement. Great.
Priority group finally boarded at 6:50. I slid into my comfortable, familiar seat. This 737-800 still had the classic cloth pattern on the bulkhead; the top row always reminds me of a 1980s computer lab with seats, tables and giant monitors for your 286!


.



On each seat was a lightweight blanket sealed in plastic. No box of water on this flight, though.


I


in 52 years of flying, I have never once been cold on a plane, so off to the side it went. Our flight attendant came by offering water in a cup, but nothing else before takeoff.
We lifted off at 7:17. We headed east over the harbor and the Atlantic, then made a wide left turn, came back over land, and headed northwest. As I enjoyed the clear weather and the rolling scenery, our FA came by and checked on my breakfast order and offered the first drink service. I enjoyed the new Stumptown Roasters blend, a local Portland roaster who recently replaced Starbucks as the coffee on Alaska. It’s good, but I have had Starbucks for 20 years on Alaska, so it will take some getting used to.
I enjoyed looking out the window and seeing ski resorts in Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, and upstate New York. I logged onto Alaska’s Wi-Fi to see our route. We were to leave New York and fly over Lake Ontario, north of Toronto, then over Kingston, Ontario, across Ontario, Lake Huron and then re-enter US airspace in Michigan’s UP.
That’s why I always carry my passport, just in case…..No need today, happily.
Breakfast arrived and I enjoyed my frittata at 34,000 feet over Canada.

The entrée was warm, as were the sausage and potatoes. The fruit (orange segments, grapes, and cantaloupe) was cold. The blueberry muffin was warm and crumbly. I needed a fork for it. It was delicious, and the cold yogurt went well with the fruit. Another coffee and it was nap time.
I slept thru the next snack/beverage service, but I remember smelling decadent popcorn when my seatmate in 2C opened the “Lesser Evil” popcorn. When I woke up, our flight attendant (and I kick myself for not noticing/remembering his name, but I was exhausted on this trip) asked if I wanted a snack and/or a beverage. I asked about the popcorn he said he had one left. That and an ice water hit the spot. I noticed our flight attendant made many trips to folks behind me refilling drinks.
I listened to songs my ancient iPod, surfed Alaska’s excellent collection movies and TV shows and catnapped. Soon enough, the view outside was the Idaho mountains. I watched as we glided over Washington’s Tri Cities, then Hermiston, Oregon and began our descent over the Columbia River. Then the Captain announced that PDX was down to one runway, so they were slowing us down. Instead of flying due west, skirting the north slope of Mt. Hood as usual
and making a straight on approach to 28L, we took a left turn and leisurely flew over Clackamas County, eventually flying over Gresham from the south, then a left turn for our approach.
We were only 15 minutes late at the gate, so I had time to freshen up in the Alaska Lounge, have a coffee and some ham and cheese on a roll before the baggage arrived. The lounge in Portland is small but comfortable, with expanded seating out into the C terminal. My bag was in the first third or so, and it was time to drive home.

I am scheduled to make the same flight in June. I hope it is just as pleasurable. While not Emirates-level, Alaska First Class is relaxing and an enjoyable way to endure a coast-to-coast flight. Their service is top notch and always friendly and accommodating. I hope the upgrade gods smile again in June.

Scott H. Johnson travels several times a month and has over a million airmiles. His first flight was on a Piedmont Airlines 737 in 1971 from DCA to Richmond VA, and he’s been hooked ever since.

REVIEW- Alaska Airlines Boston to Portland in First class (5/24/2024)

By Scott H. Johnson

Last Friday, May 24th, I flew First Class from Boston to Portland nonstop on Alaska airlines. On the Portland to Boston flight 4 days before, despite being MVP Gold, I didn’t even get a Premium seat. I had gotten my hopes up, because I sat at #1 on the First-Class upgrade list the whole day before, until about 6 pm when I plummeted to #12. Oh, well. I didn’t get my hopes up the day before I came home, as I was #3.
I was surprised that evening when I checked and I had been upgraded to my favorite seat -2A. Sometimes the upgrade gods smile when you least expect it.
Check in at Logan the next morning was a breeze. Despite the Armageddon-style warnings that Friday, May 24 would be the most awful travel day in recorded history, when I got off the bus from the rental car center, there were no crazed throngs, just folks walking to check-in like any other day.
The CLEAR line had a few folks peering into their retinal readers, so I used plain old TSA PreCheck. There were maybe 8 fliers in front of me. I quickly went through without any issues and it was time for a quick coffee. I am a member of Alaska’s Lounge Plus, and I often use the Admiral’s Club access it gives me, but I didn’t have time to wander (I thought!) down to their Club at B4 as it was almost 6:00 am and my flight was out of B36 at 6:20 am. I found a good place to stand and waited to board. 6:20 came and went, then a few moments came the dreaded “checking something on the aircraft” announcement. Great.
Priority group finally boarded at 6:50. I slid into my comfortable, familiar seat. This 737-800 still had the classic cloth pattern on the bulkhead; the top row always reminds me of a 1980s computer lab with seats, tables and giant monitors for your 286!


.



On each seat was a lightweight blanket sealed in plastic. No box of water on this flight, though.


I


in 52 years of flying, I have never once been cold on a plane, so off to the side it went. Our flight attendant came by offering water in a cup, but nothing else before takeoff.
We lifted off at 7:17. We headed east over the harbor and the Atlantic, then made a wide left turn, came back over land, and headed northwest. As I enjoyed the clear weather and the rolling scenery, our FA came by and checked on my breakfast order and offered the first drink service. I enjoyed the new Stumptown Roasters blend, a local Portland roaster who recently replaced Starbucks as the coffee on Alaska. It’s good, but I have had Starbucks for 20 years on Alaska, so it will take some getting used to.
I enjoyed looking out the window and seeing ski resorts in Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, and upstate New York. I logged onto Alaska’s Wi-Fi to see our route. We were to leave New York and fly over Lake Ontario, north of Toronto, then over Kingston, Ontario, across Ontario, Lake Huron and then re-enter US airspace in Michigan’s UP.
That’s why I always carry my passport, just in case…..No need today, happily.
Breakfast arrived and I enjoyed my frittata at 34,000 feet over Canada.

The entrée was warm, as were the sausage and potatoes. The fruit (orange segments, grapes, and cantaloupe) was cold. The blueberry muffin was warm and crumbly. I needed a fork for it. It was delicious, and the cold yogurt went well with the fruit. Another coffee and it was nap time.
I slept thru the next snack/beverage service, but I remember smelling decadent popcorn when my seatmate in 2C opened the “Lesser Evil” popcorn. When I woke up, our flight attendant (and I kick myself for not noticing/remembering his name, but I was exhausted on this trip) asked if I wanted a snack and/or a beverage. I asked about the popcorn he said he had one left. That and an ice water hit the spot. I noticed our flight attendant made many trips to folks behind me refilling drinks.
I listened to songs my ancient iPod, surfed Alaska’s excellent collection movies and TV shows and catnapped. Soon enough, the view outside was the Idaho mountains. I watched as we glided over Washington’s Tri Cities, then Hermiston, Oregon and began our descent over the Columbia River. Then the Captain announced that PDX was down to one runway, so they were slowing us down. Instead of flying due west, skirting the north slope of Mt. Hood as usual
and making a straight on approach to 28L, we took a left turn and leisurely flew over Clackamas County, eventually flying over Gresham from the south, then a left turn for our approach.
We were only 15 minutes late at the gate, so I had time to freshen up in the Alaska Lounge, have a coffee and some ham and cheese on a roll before the baggage arrived. The lounge in Portland is small but comfortable, with expanded seating out into the C terminal. My bag was in the first third or so, and it was time to drive home.

I am scheduled to make the same flight in June. I hope it is just as pleasurable. While not Emirates-level, Alaska First Class is relaxing and an enjoyable way to endure a coast-to-coast flight. Their service is top notch and always friendly and accommodating. I hope the upgrade gods smile again in June.

Scott H. Johnson travels several times a month and has over a million airmiles. His first flight was on a Piedmont Airlines 737 in 1971 from DCA to Richmond VA, and he’s been hooked ever since.

If everything goes well with the programs this summer, I should graduate with-
Sat 1400+
3 programs (1 is finance related, 1 is business related, 1 is social and turns into a club after summer)
6 Honors
140+ volunteer hours
6 ECs (BJJ, Track, Football, Math club, Best Buddies club (help special needs), and Key club
7 APS AP MACRO ECON AP GOV AP MICRO ECON AP WORLD HISTORY AP PHYSICS AP HUMAN GEO AP LITERATURE
7 AICE (AICE diploma) AICE Thinking skills AICE Gen Paper AICE US HIST AS AICE US HIST A AICE ENGLISH AICE ENVIRO MGMT AICE GLOBAL

M2 Max 32g ram When I turn it on the screen never gets bright. I can see the Apple logo as a faint white blob. Then there is another white blob as a line at the bottom. The start sound plays also. If I attach an hdmi cable the tv shows the right thing and the mouse travels to it. The screen is blue and dark like I turned down the brightness. But the brightness is up because I can see the blue go darker and then to black then back to blue as I press the brightness keys. Everything was fine yesterday. No issues at all.
Screen stays dim. Brightness keys working but never to normal. Connecting an hdmi tv is normal on the tv. Can’t see any icons or mouse.
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

I need advice 9-1-1 I (f45) and my partner (m43) met 19 yrs ago through a mutual friend. It was love at first sight and we started talking and we both fell head over hills and decided to move in together since we couldn’t be apart for more than a week. We finally made the move and moved in together. He had a descent job and I was on the hunt for any kind of job. Since I had 2 daughters 9 and 5 at the time. He had 3 children m7 f5 and m of literally months. At the beginning it was bumpy but any new relationship is. It took about 10 yrs for our family to finally cope in between his family his ex and me with my daughters. A month into me moving with him 3 hrs away from my family he was laid off his job I had been looking for a job since day one so finally one day I found a job as a waitress working graveyard at a restaurant at a not safe area. I struggled since the biological father of my daughters cut ties after I moved he came to visit once or twice and then he vanished. We struggled financially for a long time. I was new on the online job search thing but I suggested he posted on Craigslist his painting since he’s a magnificent painter. It was a hit it. It went too good I left my job to help with the driving since it was mostly out of town. I got too bored that I asked to help him so it wouldn’t take too long. Our days were 10 hr days we did the murals for about 8 or 9 yrs. We argued constantly over simple things. So I told him I love him but I couldn’t do it any more. I started working from home doing clothing alterations it didn’t pay a lot but it helped. He then open a business selling and repairing video games and consoles it did good for a few yrs and he started an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop. He is very creating smart and extremely talented. I then started helping a friends mom doing alterations at her bridal shop that was next to an embroidery place that actually shared a room and the stomps of the machines hypnotized. As soon as there was a chance I got the opportunity to work there as well. I’ve been jumping from job to job to help with the expenses of the house and the shop my partner still owned. At his apprenticeship he had a slip and was fooling around with this other female it ended. He finally decided to close ip his shop bc it just wasn’t working. When he finished his apprenticeship he went on and decided to open his own shop. He got his keys December 2019. Most expenses fell on me since he had no income at the time. He was working very hard to get the place standing it was a mess he demolished painted installed plumbing electric the whole 9 yards. He opened his doors June 2020. We couldn’t be any happier. He is also a musician so he would get gigs all the time. I have to mention I was doing the house work the kids rides the cooking and when he needed me I was there all while I had 2 jobs I would take the kids to and from school and drop off my step kids too (I hate the word step kids) they’re my children too. Any how September 2020 he got this new gig job and by October same yr he didn’t want me to go see him play when he was blocks from home. He started acting weird like dressing differently and caring about his looks I had my suspicions but he would always tell me it was just in my head. I could see his call logs and I found out who he was talking to it was the lead singer of this new band. I confronted him and he said I was crazy. Ok. I kept seeing weird behaviors and talked to him about it since we are not legally married I offered to open a relationship since it would be months at a time w/o intimacy he said no cause nothing was happening. There were times he would take my car on a Sunday nights and act mad so he won’t come home. He ever told me once he couldn’t remember where he parked my car so he left it 2 hrs out of town which caused me to call off work many times. I was loosing my mind I knew something was wrong and I did everything to fix the situation. I decided to place a tracker in my car so he won’t have to strand it again. Next weened he took my car again and left it by the airport all night. I confronted him with pics of my car where he had left it and he admitted he carpooled with this other female that is married should I add. FF to may 17 2022 I got a hold of all his ig user names and passwords, he was talking to at least 6 females but I didn’t confronted him this time that day I had a terrible migraine and was feeling aweful I needed to rest my head and be calm so I went home he rejected me as if I was a piece of trash I sat up and told him it felt like he didn’t want to be with me so I asked him to leave he got up and he left. Right away he started dating this scumbag not the singer but this other person. He had a dinner date may 18th with a 26 yo and on and on. All in a span of 2 months after he left my home. We started talking again and we were fine I told him everything I felt and how much he had hurt me he told me I didn’t deserved that and no I don’t. When he moved out and finished fooling around he got this god and I loved her she was the sweetest dog. After my second job I would go to his place and puppy sat for him he would help me financially when I needed and things were working out it was like we were dating. September 2023 we got into a huge argument and things were bad I went zero contact for a month and it was bad. Until. He had one of his panic attacks and called me to take him to the er so did I saw the dog again and things were calm for over a month. By December same yr he gave me a check I couldn’t cash, on the 23rd I went to his place to return the check and give him his Xmas gift it was a large print of his dog on a makeup trip we did in march it wasn’t much but it was with so much love. He didn’t let me in to see the dog he said I was not welcomed he opened his door about an inch and the dog came out running to me. He called the cops on me I explained the situation and they talked ti us individually. I left and had Xmas eve with my children. I forgot to mention that my youngest f22 and his daughter f21 are currently living with me. Xmas day I was home alone and he calls me I pick up and it was him he was stressed he said that his dog was acting weird since Saturday she couldn’t bark she tried but was just wizzing we rushed her to a hospital 2 hrs away we came back without her she didn’t make it on our way back he told me that the day he called the cops on me she ran to his room sat in a corner and just looked down. He spend the rest of the week in my place I didn’t know what to do but be by him and help him. He decided to get another dog he just turned a yr I love that dog too. I’ve spent the night at his house every other night to help with the puppy while he works. I still had 2 jobs and his place is about 20 mins from mine. About 3 months ago he asked me to lend him some cash so he can get a car to play with so I did. 2 weeks ago my sister invited me to celebrate my nieces graduation and I asked him if our youngest had a date for his and he said no so I told my sister I was attending. Last Wednesday my kid told me he had a ceremony ticket for him and another one for me I arranged as crazy as it sounds to ask for Thursday off to drop off my daughter to my sisters which is 3 hrs away saw my mother for 20 or 25 mins and started my drive back because on Thursdays we take his dog to the street fair so by 1 pm I was back in town I took a quick nap and started getting ready for the fair. He calls me at 7 pm to ask if everything was ready I said yes I’m just getting his cooler ready we take ahi’s bowl a portion of kibble ice packs snacks and a spray bottle. I couldn’t find the spray bottle. I went to my car to check if it was there and I saw him pulling up in his truck I asked if he could come over and kept looking I check again and he walks right inside so I closed up and went in with him I told him I can’t find the spray bottle and he lost it he was cussing out the spray bottle and I was in shock I mean dollar tree has them we can replace it but he was mad at the bottle. He had been doing this same thing for 3 weeks he looses it and he goes into his bedroom extremely upset last time he was like that I let him know I can’t do these kinds of arguments they’re ridiculous. I told him I needed to go home with my dogs and I left. We have a mutual friend that has a dog like ours and that night he posted a pic of both dogs and the lost spray bottle was hanging from the side pocket of the wagon. I texted him Sunday so I could go see the dog and he said ok I spent an hr with I walked him and ate snacks then I left I called him yesterday and he said he had 2 walk ins so I visited the dog for 2 hrs walked him played with him and ate snacks. We both as an agreement we talked about me quitting my second job and puppy sit and he’d pay me what my second job did and so he can get hands on on his shop it’d be a win win it’s been very slow like scary slow and he needs to build his portfolio so we all happy. I talked to him about a bill I owe is 1200 and he said we’ll figure it out well it’s due today since things aren’t smooth I texted him and asked him to please call me he said about what I said about the dog and other things he asked is something wrong with the dog I said not really but we need to talk and he said there’s nothing to talk about I send him a pic of the bill and it’s due date which is today and he said not my problem ask for a loan or something. He owes me 2k I was trying to figure out how we can still help each other and he told me I was harassing him and that I can’t come see the dog and he will get a restraining order. I know his financial situation isn’t good but neither is mine he blocked me again. I know he’s a narcissist and very self centered. His actions don’t have an affect on me but the dog does I’m afraid something would happen to the dog like it did to the other one. I can’t say I don’t care about the money but I barely make ends meet for myself nor can I say I hate him I want him to be ok and succeed like I should too. I know it’s toxic that is why I left. I sent that payment today on time but now I will be behind on all my bills including my rent and car payment. I don’t want to go to his house I don’t know what I did wrong. All I’ve done is is be by his side when no one is he has literally no true friends and he’s not close to his children on his son graduation I was there there was his grandma his stepdad his biological mom me sitting next to her my stepdaughter her boyfriend and then him who got there 30 min late and on the phone for most of the ceremony.

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Memory Transcript: Kinet, Venlil Surveyor Captain [Standardized Human Time July 5th, 2114]:
We had arrived in-system [four days] ago, and while I was expecting to see a world ravaged by nuclear exchange, the damage to the planet was beyond what I could have ever imagined. The surface was scorched, and the air filled with ash and soot from massive continent spanning fires that must have been burning for cycles. Despite all the destruction, our scans showed some signs of life trying to take hold on the surface, but not nearly as much as there should have been.
The humans had wiped themselves out over [150 years ] in the past; it shouldn’t look like it only happened only a herd of claws ago.
Fiir was of no use. When the first glimpses of the planet came in on the viewscreen, the scruffy researcher just stared with his jaw hanging loose before stammering about something being wrong. He stormed off to his quarters, and I haven’t seen him since then.
I sighed and walked onto the bridge with my waking claw cup of tea but was immediately assaulted by the chittering of an excited sivkit, our primary communications officer.
“Captain, captain, captain!”
“Hephy, yes, I’m right here. What is it?” I looked down towards her. She barely came up to my waist in her typical quadrupedal stance, and even doing her best to stand up, she wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye. Despite her stature, her excitement demanded attention as her eyes flicked between myself and whatever data she had scrolling across her display visor.
“Right Right. Anyway, Captain, I have to show you something, it’s big.” Most people don’t pay sivkits much mind, but Hephy was a prodigy. The excitable woman could look at a waterfall plot and pick out every signal present, and even read some of them without any computer assistance. I motioned for her to follow me to the ready room and started off toward it while sipping my tea. She trotted behind me on all fours, as sivkits are wont to do, and when I sat in my chair, she hopped side to side in excitement. “The signals, when we arrived from the jump, I saw something fascinating!” “Hephy, stop bouncing and sit.” I gestured to the chair in front of my desk. She looked at me for a moment as if I had grown a set of ears at the end of my snout. After a moment, her trance broke, and she hopped into the chair. She sat on her haunches and pulled out her tablet.
“Ok so, when we jumped in, we got a ping of the area, right? Send a signal out, listen for the reply, and we see what’s out there that our eyes can’t. Standard stuff, sure, but look.” She tapped at her tablet and expanded a multidimensional spectrum plot. “The bright spots are reports, and it’s all around. Debris right? That’s what I thought but look closer!” I leaned in and looked at the impressionistic splotches of color shown on the holographic display. The blues, yellows, and oranges spattered amongst the dark gray and black of night and other known objects was appealing to the eye, but ultimately gave me little idea what Hephy was trying to communicate with me. She must have picked up on my lack of insight, because she sighed and tapped the display again. “Normally, you see the pulse pattern return and that’s pretty distinct, but this is different. Odd. I thought it was just micro-debris but if you spread it out over time there’s a pattern to it, a structure in the phase relationships that doesn’t match reflections or our interrogation pulses.” “Hephy, you know I rarely ever understand you at this level.” “Right sorry right. Captain, this isn’t the return pulse, they’re data transmissions. Multiple data transmissions all at once.”
My ears perked up, and I tilted my head to the side a bit. “How can you be sure? What would even be out there to send them?”
“I wasn’t sure myself until I looked later on in the data buffers. Almost a claw later there was another longer burst. The automated systems ignored it due to interpreting it as just more micro-debris, but it had that structure-but-not-structure, perfectly shaped noise. I also had nav and sensors run another few active pings at different frequencies, trying to rule out silly patterns seeking brain nonsense. Nothing returned. The debris cloud doesn’t exist!”
“So what does this mean for us?”
“I don’t know, but it's fascinating! They must be satellites of some kind, either too small to reflect much or made to absorb radio waves.”
“That’s worrisome. There’s only one reason you’d build something like that.”
“Weaponry?” She chirped with surprising insight I had not expected to come from her. She had never been in the space force like I, and many others, had.
“Defense platforms, yes.” I took a sip of my rapidly cooling tea to try and soothe the anxious pit growing in my stomach.
“That’s…concerning.” Her excitement waned for a moment but quickly slipped back.
“Very, thank you for bringing this to my attention, Hephy.”
“As if I could keep quiet about something like this!” She snorted with a chittering laugh. “Oh! Wait there’s one more thing. There was another signal in a higher band that sounded off around the same time as the other burst, this time from a different orbit, way further out. I traced it to an artificial satellite.”
Suddenly, a thought hit me. These things were actively communicating with something. Was there something still left on the surface?
“Hephy, do you know where those signals were going?”
“Normally the antenna is too directional for anyone but the recipient to see it or it’s hard to get a read on directionality, but I know where everything is communicating to. The middle of the smaller main ocean.”
“Hephy, that’s an incredibly important bit of information!”
“It is? Oh yeah right, that makes sense!” She wiggles her tail in an amused flicking motion.
I stood up and patted her on the shoulder. “Get us close to that artificial satellite and see what it is. I’d like to get a better idea of what we’ve just stumbled into. Report back when you have some answers and we will go from there.”
Hephy bobbed her ears and hopped off the seat. “On it, sir. Where are you going?” “I’m going to talk to Fiir. This is beyond the original mission, and he needs to know.” “Ay captain. Good luck. Guy’s a weirdo.” I simply grunted and strolled down to the auxiliary quarters where I knew the researcher to be.
>Advance record: [10 Minutes]:
Fiir had brought an entire team of researchers with him. I was told they’re all colleagues of his from the research academy that are interested in this personal project of his. This many people on board with his project did explain how he was able to offer the exorbitant sum of credits to hire me and my crew. They had been allocated a section of the ship near the front, just past the shuttle bay and under the bridge area. This let them have their privacy and set up whatever gear they brought with them.
It also meant that there was a door between them and the rest of the ship. A door that they did not hesitate to keep closed after pre-launch inspections had concluded. The researchers didn’t have anything I didn’t expect from the manifest, but I still found it rather suspicious. Were they hiding something? Perhaps it had to do with that odd power hungry computer they insisted upon. Mara had her ears tied in a knot trying to accommodate it, and still they were coy about why exactly they needed it. It didn’t do me any good to speculate, though. What mattered most was the problem of the satellites.
I finally reached the door and, being the polite man I am, I scratched at the sounding plate before grabbing the handle and trying to open it. To my surprise, it didn’t budge. I could understand locking doors to the personal quarters, but this was a main corridor in my own ship! Just as I reached over to key in the unlock code, the door made a thunk as the latch disengaged and slid open part of the way. A familiar gray fringed brown muzzle stuck out from the gap. “This is a restrict- Oh. Captain.” Fiir opened the door a little more and stood up facing me. “What is it?”
I blinked at his rather blunt question. “I just came to inform you that we’ve discovered some worrying details about the nature of the-” “The artificial satellites are not of any concern to us.” He cut me off before I could finish.
“We think they might be-”
He glanced back behind the door for a moment, his tail thrashed in agitation. “It doesn’t matter. Have you prepared the landing party yet?” My jaw tightened as my frustration with his rudeness grew. I couldn’t get much of a word in, but I needed any answers. “They’re set to depart in two claws, but with those unknown satellites, I can’t be sure of their safety! I saw you on the bridge when we arrived, you were expecting something different. As the captain of this ship, I need to know if there’s a threat to-”
“Captain.” Fiir’s gaze grew intense as he leaned in. I may have had almost a head of height on the wizened farsul, but in that moment, he felt as if he was towering over me. “I suggest you stick to the responsibilities I hired you for, Captain Kinet. There are things that you are not privy to, nor will you be made privy to in the foreseeable future. Continue with the survey as per our agreement, and you’ll get your credits. Do not bother me until the away team is en route. Good paw, Captain.” He closed and locked the door without even waiting for my response.
I just stood at the door for a long while, a feeling of anger and indignation boiling in my chest. I had only ever had cordial contact with the researcher up until now; this abrupt shift in his demeanor was unsettling, to say the least. How dare he talk down to me like that on my own ship! I sighed and took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it out. Slow and controlled. Letting the tension and anger flow out with my breath.
Inhale. Hold. Release.
Inhale. Hold. Release.
After a few cycles, the burning anger was reduced to a smoldering cinder. As much as I had wanted to headbutt Fiir, it wasn’t worth risking the contract for. I turned and walked back to the bridge to prepare for the away mission. Without Fiir’s info, I needed to make sure contingencies were in place for any possible threat to the away team. The lives of my crew are paramount, even if the contract was very, very lucrative. All that aside, the planning would keep my mind away from thoughts of my rude client.
>Advance record: [Standardized Human Time July 6th, 2114]:
I woke up after my rest paw feeling groggy and unrested. The confrontation with Fiir kept playing in my mind all night, despite the claws of planning for the away mission. To say his standoffish behavior left knots in my wool would be an understatement. I wiped my snout with my paws, flicking the crust from my eyes before getting up out of bed.
I grabbed my favorite mug and fixed myself my morning cup of tea. Pulling the dried leaves and stems from the canister, I could feel my mouth water in anticipation. I had been told by many who possessed the strange appendage called a nose that the tea leaves had a strong earthy and floral scent. I often wondered what that meant. Venlil didn’t have noses, but we did have a sense of taste, which is apparently quite similar. I often wondered what it might be like to smell. Do we really miss out on so much without being able to smell?
We had to soak our foods and tea in water before we could taste it with our tongues, and even then, it’s not nearly as sensitive, which is probably why other species consider venlil cuisine to be overseasoned and overpowering.
Another reason why the stereotype of venlil being weak is nonsense, in my opinion. How strong can you be if you can’t handle a little spice?
The timer went off, chirping to tell me my tea was ready. I sifted out the leaves and brought the invigorating elixir to my lips. The hot fluid warmed me to my core and burned away the waking lyasi silk from my groggy mind.
I needed to catch up with Hephy and Mara; they should have brought in that satellite-
My thoughts were interrupted by the chiming of my pad. I picked it up and answered the call to see Hephy’s face almost filling the screen, with Mara looking over her shoulder.
“Oh good you’re awake! Captain, you must see this! It’s amazing! The satellite, it’s full of brains!”
END TRANSCRIPTION
Been a hot minute, I hadn't forgotten about this. As always, comments are coveted and appreciated. What do you all think about Fiir's behavior? What do y'all think of Hephy?
Thanks to for creating this setting and fostering such a delightfully passionate community! Thanks again to , Novalux, and the Foxmates for editing and helping me get this done!
Soma belongs to Frictional Games.

It happened. He didn't deny that. Not like he was a suspect or anything—not yet—but he never denied it to himself. At the same time, this all happened over a decade ago—twelve years to be exact.
He didn't think of it every day; in fact, sometimes an entire month would go by where it barely crossed his mind.
In a way, that whole experience—he thought of all the abductions and murders as a singular event—now felt as if it belonged to somebody else.
It was a time in his life when he was confused, mixed-up, searching; a dark time, you know, like a phase. Who didn't have one of those in their past?
Plus, he was married now. His wife, Dee, obviously didn't know about it and he felt no obligation to tell her. Did he ask about her former lovers?
Sometimes there are things in the past and you just let them be. Whether it was Dee losing her virginity to the quarterback of the football team in the backseat at a drive-in or him using multiple black garbage bags and masking tape on that thing he didn't have time to bury in rural Tennessee, everyone has things they would rather forget about. Sometimes you just leave things where they lie.
So that's what Ned Doyle did.
Until that Sunday morning, November 6th, 1988.
He was a having a glass of Dee's pulpy homemade orange juice, waiting for his coffee to percolate, when he opened his heavy weekend edition of the New York Times (probably Ned's greatest extravagance—he liked its heft; and how the Arts & Leisure section made him feel culturally superior to his Ohio townsfolk, “the Philistines of Findlay,” he called them) when he saw the article buried in the back.
The country was two days from heading to the polls for the General Election—Bush v. Dukakis—so most everything else that week had been relegated to the back.
He read the article twice before he could even begin to make sense of it. It seemed to be a story about something called "DNA fingerprinting" and a 27-year-old baker in Great Britain named Colin Pitchfork who had confessed to raping and murdering two 15-year-old girls, in separate incidents a few years apart, after a new scientific process had been used to extract information from semen which he, Colin Pitchfork, had left at the crime scenes (likely inside the victims) some five years earlier.
Now if they could do all that after five years, why not ten years—or maybe even… twelve?
"Interesting story here," he said to Dee. It wasn't uncommon for Ned to read a news story twice—once for himself and a second time aloud to Dee while she brewed his coffee and burnt her toast. But this was his third reading and Ned acted as if it were his first.
"What do you make of that?" he asked. It somehow got worse each time he read it. After the third time, he felt as if he had been sucker punched in the stomach.
"Science Fiction is what it sounds like," Dee said matter-of-factly, pouring Ned his coffee in a mug that bore the Marathon Oil insignia. Findlay, Ohio was Marathon’s headquarters although there had been rumors circulating about a move to Texas.
"And unconstitutional," he said. "Cops running a dragnet like that, taking blood samples from 5,000 townspeople. Thankfully, that would never pass the muster here."
"They did catch the killer so maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea," she said, buttering her burnt toast. "Otherwise, who knows? They could have convicted the wrong man.”
Ned had already gotten lucky once – astonishingly so. Griffin Gerald Jones, the famed “I-75 Corridor Child Killer,” had claimed responsibility for all but one of Ned’s victims before dying in Florida’s electric chair.
"You can't have police in this country running around, sticking everyone with needles, drawing blood for some sort of science experiment,” he said. “Nevermind the Constitution, what about AIDS?”
“What about it?” she asked.
“There's been hundreds, thousands of cases now where people have been infected by giving blood,” he said. “That's a medical fact. Get accused of a crime and AIDS too?"
"It doesn't sound like any of the townspeople there in England got AIDS, darling. Unless there's more to the story, besides what you read to me."
He watched her spread orange marmalade over her burnt toast and take a bite. She had a dead tooth and he saw it every time she opened her mouth. He loved Dee but had never been sexually attracted to her. Not in the way he had been attracted to others.
"It really is just a matter of time before that stuff makes it over here," she said with her mouth full. "To this side of the pond, as they say." She took a sip of his orange juice. "Isn’t that how it always works? Things start over there in England, or in California, and then phht, before you know it, it makes its way to Findlay."
He held his hand over his stomach. She saw him wince.
"Was it my orange juice again? Was it still pulpy? I squeezed it by hand and even strained it twice this time."
"It’s not your fault,” he said. “I think it’s me. Orange juice is getting too… acidic for me." He looked at the clock on the coffee maker. "I'm going to be late."
He turned the page.
He played the 8 o'clock Mass by rote as he had many a bleary-eyed Sunday morning. It was pure muscle memory at this point. He made a few mistakes here and there, missed a key or two, but it was nothing the organ's sustain pedal couldn't mask – not that anyone would complain (not at the 8 o'clock anyway).
On Sundays Ned had four Masses: the 8, the 9:30, the big one at 11, and the 12:30 for the dilettantes who couldn't get their acts together for the 11.
He turned the page.
Today he was using Glory and Praise, AKA "the blue hymnal" for songs he knew by heart.
Turning the pages of his sheet music, reading each note, he was able to keep his mind off it.
Ned abhorred cliches (especially those involving sports) but he made an exception for “Out of sight, out of mind.” For Ned, that wasn’t a cliché; it was a way of life. He was a man who preferred to be heard, not seen, which made St. Bartholomew (or St. Bart’s) the perfect home for him.
In a spectacular architectural oversight, the church's pipe organ was situated so the organist's back was to the altar and pews. The organist of course needs to see what's going on in the Mass to read certain non-verbal cues but the arrangement suited Ned just fine. The congregation was comprised of many young families who had many young children—boys in particular—and it wasn't so much that he couldn't control himself because he was now firmly in control of all that; it was more that he didn't need any reminders of that time when he couldn't.
Especially during church.
So to see the altar behind him, Ned had installed an actual rearview mirror, the type you'd find on an old Buick, and he used a special type of putty to affix it to the mantle of the pipe organ. Having been the church organist at St. Bart's for nine years, he seldom needed it anymore—he could do it in his sleep—but it came in handy today as he found his attention drifting and he nearly missed the oratory refrain at the 9:30 Mass.
His real problems didn't start until the 35-minute break between the 8 and 9:30.
He was reorganizing his sheet music after the first wave of churchgoers had cleared out, when he began thinking about Colin Pitchfork again. The article said he was a baker in England somewhere—did it say he baked cakes or was that Ned's invention?
Even though no picture was provided in the Times article, Ned spent the balance of the 9:30 service picturing the 27- year-old ex-rapist/murderer working in his small English bakery, quietly going about his business, baking his cakes, when the police (Bobbies?) came.
Was he expecting them?
He played the offertory hymn, "On Eagle's Wings," as the ushers began taking up the collections and a family of parishioners he’d never seen before brought the gifts up.
And what was going through Pitchfork's head when he saw the Bobbies there? When they began asking him about rapes and murders that happened almost five years ago? The article said that he had initially given investigators someone else's blood when “the enquiry” began. Had he somehow caught wind of this “DNA Fingerprinting?”
There was a new usher, Ned noticed, in his makeshift rearview mirror.
The Times article said that one of Pitchfork's co-workers at the bakery had taken the blood test masquerading as Pitchfork because Pitchfork had told the co-worker that ‘he could not give blood under his own name because he had already given blood while pretending to be a friend of his who had wanted to avoid being harassed by police because of a youthful conviction for burglary.’ This story was later overheard by a woman in a pub who immediately went to the police.
Ned realized he had missed the homily twice now. Not that it mattered. Heard one you've heard them all and Ned was pretty sure there would be no surprises. Plus, he'd have two more chances to catch it. He knew he would have to really focus for the 11 o'clock. That was always the main event. He was going to play "I Will Raise Him Up," a complex hymn, which required his full attention. He would scratch that one now if he hadn’t read that article and if the Sunday programs hadn't already been printed. People liked that one –it was a real barn burner, as they say—and if he skipped it, there might be questions.
The last thing Ned needed right now were fucking questions.
Who was this new usher, by the way?

By the start of the 11 o'clock Mass, Ned wondered whether anyone would even show for the 12:30, seeing that it was already standing room only. The 11 was always the most popular Mass, but today felt different; it was packed like Christmas Eve. What was the occasion? Was the predominantly conservative town that afraid of Dukakis winning the presidency? Ohio was a swing state after all and that image of the little Greek man in the tank was unnerving, sure, but was it enough to warrant this sort of turnout for the 11 AM Mass at St. Bart's in Findlay?
Or was something else going on?
Ned didn’t believe they had come to hear his rendition of "I Will Raise Him Up."
Or could there be another reason? Maybe they had all read the same Times article. Maybe there had long been simmering suspicion of Ned in the community and maybe the article finally prompted the townspeople to join together and take arms. With pitchforks.
On March 31, 1892, the only known lynching in the history of Hancock County occurred when a mob of 1,000 men, many "respectable citizens," broke into the county jail in Findlay. They lynched Mr. Lytle, a man who had killed his wife and two daughters with a hatchet the day before. The townsfolk hanged the man twice (first from the bridge, then a telegraph pole) and then, in a classic case of overkill, shot his body over a dozen times. The authorities had intended to transfer the prisoner out of town at 1 o'clock in secret, where a train was scheduled to transport him to Lima, but someone talked.
Ned had only confessed what he had done to one person – a priest eight years prior. The priest was set to retire as he was dying of pancreatic cancer and visiting from a nearby parish. For years Ned had heard this priest was “of the old school” – i.e., your word to God’s ear, and it went no further. He was as safe as they come. Still, even then, Ned used the screened side of the Confessional, lowered his voice a full octave, and spoke of what he had done obliquely and in generalities. They were mortal sins. His penance severe: to repent and refrain from repeating the act again. The priest was now long dead. There’s no way he could have tracked Ned down and told anyone. Was there?
The last one was named Derek. That was the only one left unsolved.
He would play "I Will Raise Him Up" during Communion. Because of the crowds, he knew the communion lines would be longer and would thus require him to stretch the already difficult song a few minutes longer. If he was going to supply the masses, he was going to need a bigger yield. In a way it was like baking a cake, wasn't it?
He met Derek at a Dairy Queen in Paducah, Kentucky. It was Labor Day 1976. It must have been 100 degrees out, but it felt even hotter with the humidity. It was a real scorcher.
Derek had a bicycle with an American flag banana seat. It was the summer of Bicentennial Fever. The Dairy Queen was in an area known as Noble Park. It had a tin canopy that kept cars cool in the shade.
Ned missed a note as he turned the page. He stepped on the sustain pedal and his mistake sounded deliberate and beautiful even.
It was early evening; fireflies were out in full force and Ned was blotto. He had been drinking beer—cans of Schlitz—all day at the picnic of a friend (technically, the friend of an acquaintance so basically a stranger). A born introvert who still lived alone (this was pre-Dee), Ned was very drunk and primed for small talk. You must also remember this was a very different time. This was back when you still opened cans with an opener; drunk driving was frowned upon but not the cardinal sin it is today; and a grown man could still park outside a Dairy Queen and strike up an innocent conversation with a prepubescent boy on a bike.
"What da ya' got there?" Ned asked.
"Butterscotch Sundae," the boy said. The boy was blonde with brown eyes.
"Butterscotch, eh?"
The boy licked his plastic spoon and stared somewhere beyond the pea-green 1974 Buick Riviera Ned had inherited from his old man after he had kicked the bucket.
"For the life of me, I can't remember if I like butterscotch or not," Ned said. "That probably sounds pretty screwy, I bet."
"Get a free sample at the window,” the kid said. “They're free."
"Looks awfully busy over there. Mind if I have a taste of yours? I don't have any cooties, I promise."
The kid dragged his spoon over his ice cream as he mulled it over. Maybe seeing that he was almost done with it anyway, he figured what's the harm. He handed Ned the Styrofoam cup.
Ned looked at the boy as he stirred it a little and then placed the curved side of the spoon on his tongue and kept it there.
"I do like butterscotch," Ned said, giving it back. "Thank you for sharing that with me, that was awfully kind of you—say, what is your name?"
"Derek," the boy said.
"Derek. What a nice boy you are. Do you like dogs, Derek?"
"Sure," Derek said.
"Do you have a dog?"
"Not anymore. Used to. We had a beagle named Eleanor but she went blind and then lame and then..."
"What kind of dog was she?" Ned asked.
"A beagle," the boy said.
"A beagle, yes you said that. You like Golden Retrievers?"
"Sure," the boy said.
"Cause I have a Golden Retriever. It's a girl too. A bitch."
Derek smiled.
"She's pregnant. I mean she was. But… she just gave birth."
"To puppies?"
"You betcha. It was just a few weeks ago. She had a whole litter of 'em. Boys, girls. Cutest little pups you've ever seen. The thing is, Derek, I don't know what to do with them all. You're a nice boy. You just shared your Butterscotch Sundae with me and I'd care to return the favor. Would you… like a puppy?"
"How much?"
"For nothing,” Ned said. “For free.”
"You'll give me a puppy for nothing? And I can pick the one I want?"
"Sure can. They're at my place just down the road. Thing is, it's probably too far to bike there. And you're going to need both hands to hold on to the puppy. Hop in, I’ll give you a lift."
"What about my bike?"
"We could put it in the trunk but we're not going to be long. We'll be right back. It'll be safe here. People don't take things that aren’t theirs around here – especially when there's a lot of people around."
He remembered waking up on the floor of his apartment disoriented. He was late for work. He was still working as a salesman at the piano store. There was a big Labor Day sale still going on. Labor Day was always a big day for retail. The owner was a nice man and Ned wanted to call him and apologize but he wasn't sure what to say yet.
He hadn't planned on sleeping in. Forgetting work on Labor Day. The irony.
He saw the boy's underwear on his floor. They were tighty-whities from Fruit of the Loom. He thought of that every time he saw an ad for that company afterward.
They weren’t bloody but they were torn.
He remembered the sound of the filter on the aquarium he used to keep in his apartment. It was noisy but sometimes that was a good thing. He was very into Japanese Fighting Fish for a while until it became too expensive as they always killed each other.
There were no puppies obviously.
His apartment did not allow dogs.
His sense of disorientation and the ensuing panic prevented him from experiencing any of the usual remorse he felt afterward.
There would be plenty of time for that later.
The boy's body was in the bathroom just off the bedroom and he needed to get rid of it. He needed to get out of town. Out of Paducah. Out of Kentucky.
He placed the boy in a hardshell Samsonite suitcase, carried it out of his apartment, walked down the one flight of steps. He saw no one and he was confident no one had seen him. The suitcase was lighter than it should have been—a detail he never forgot—and he walked out to the carport where he saw his Riviera parked sloppily between the lines. He felt a wave of nausea come over him but he suppressed it. He opened his trunk, placed the suitcase in the back, and then looked around the apartment complex before walking back inside. He cleaned up with bleach. Showered. Hit the road.
There were no police gathered outside the Dairy Queen. It wasn’t a crime scene. He didn't look to see if the boy’s bike was still there; he didn’t want to appear suspicious.
He needed to get out of Paducah so he headed toward the freeway.
For a moment he briefly considered the Shawnee National Forest, which was to the north, but he stuck to his gut and took the newly-constructed Interstate 24 East toward Tennessee. Aside from getting out of Kentucky, he didn't have a plan. The asphalt was brand new and at times he felt as though he were floating across the highway. It took about two hours to get to the state line and once he was over, he filled up at a 76 Station in Clarksville, Tennessee. Only when he was filling his tank and had a moment to reflect, did he think about what was in the trunk. He imagined he had Superman's X-Ray vision and pictured the suitcase in the back, the boy's tiny body folded like a pretzel inside.
He missed both the readings, the Gospel, and the homily again. Then came the Consecration which was over before he knew it. It was time. He began to play "I Will Raise Him Up." In his rearview, he saw the communion lines forming and he thought he caught a glimpse of the new usher staring at him, but he couldn't be sure. He needed to concentrate on the song. People knew this one; people wanted to hear it exactly as they remembered it, and it was a full house, so the sustain pedal wouldn't save him this time.
Once he made it through the chorus, he knew he could relax a little.
The "DNA fingerprinting" in Pitchfork's case came from semen that was left inside of the victims.
Ned had made it to the outskirts of Nashville faster than he expected. He still hadn't checked in with Mr. Cory, the owner of the piano store. He desperately needed an alibi. Old Mr. Cory could probably send Ned to the electric chair if he wasn't careful.
He got on Highway 386 and headed north. After 20 minutes, he exited in Gallatin and drove around until he found an area he thought was remote. There was a road called Cages Bend.
He liked the sound of that.
It sounded hopeful.
He took that until he came to a gravel road, which looked as if it led to an even more secluded wooded area.
In the rearview, he remembered the cloud of dust kicked up by the tires of the Riviera he had inherited from his father, the drunk, who had done to him what he had gone on to do to others.
In the rearview, the communion lines were still going strong. No sign of that new usher.
He came upon a bend in the road that looked totally secluded, as if no one had been there in years. He cut the engine and listened for a moment. The invisible cicadas high up in the trees made it sound as if a giant rattle snake was slithering around him, preparing to strike. He got out of the car.
He didn't know if it was the trees or the fields of tall grass, but something smelled like semen.
He opened the trunk with his keys and pulled out the hardshell suitcase. When he closed the trunk there was a rustling in the tall grass but when he looked, he saw only a herd of white tail deer scattering.
Initially he had planned on dumping the body and taking the suitcase home with him. He didn't think to bring a shovel. Then he heard the sound of a bush hog—a piece of farm equipment with spinning blades that cut vegetation and cleared the land. He couldn't tell which direction it was coming from. He checked to make sure his suitcase didn't have any labels on it or name tags. He then two black trash bags in his back seat and wrapped the suitcase – one bag around the top, the other on the bottom, and secured it with masking tape. Then he carried it into the woods and set it down in some brush. He began snapping tree branches off to make cover but as the bush hog got louder and closer he panicked, leaving it only partially covered.
The communion lines had dissipated. Everyone was sitting now, even the priest.
Everyone always knelt until the priest sat and Ned should never be playing if the priest was sitting but somehow, Ned had missed his cue.
He concluded "I Will Raise Him Up" softly, using the sustain to ease himself out.
He looked in the rearview and saw the priest staring at him.
As was the rest of the congregation.
They would all be coming for him soon enough.
Unless he could make it back down to Tennessee and get rid of that thing once and for all – assuming it hadn’t been found yet.
Somehow, deep down, Ned always knew it was going to happen.
He was raised up, alright.
Now it was just a matter of time.

As the title details, I have a coffee table where it has coarse grained wood that in a lot of areas is raised a bit. The table surface isn’t smooth and some planks on the table surface are slightly higher than others. It has no stain. It’s a manufactured piece so I imagine there’s some type of clear varnish but I’m not sure. It was essentially my dining table too as I sat on the couch or floor when eating so I could watch tv too. So years and years of take out, taco plates, hamburger specials & whatnot that all have managed to leave a mark. Before any sarcasm shows up here, I’d always use a paper or porcelain/ glass plate in an effort to avoid any food stains. But a couple roommates across the years it was inevitable shit would accumulate and eventually morph into a stain. So any advice on how to get this table to a prepped state for possibly a stain or atleast a matte clear finish, is appreciated. Proceed

I'm interested in buy a Smart TV in the future, and want to know the main keys to make a good purchase (features of each one)

Sorry that I do another Question, but in my last Post no one replied regarding this Question.
There are many People just Value Hunting by looking at the Exchange Price for a Horse and then place on a Soft bookie if there is Value.
BUT: In some Videos I have seen, there are professional Horse Racers in some TV Interviews, and they look at the Racing Papers and do some Sort of Calculating or whatever but are they going for Value aswell? Cause it didnt really seemed like it.
Im comming from Soccer and Basketball etc. betting and there is Value ALWAYS the Key to win. And i actually thought for horses to, but maybe there are also pro punters especially for horses that dont use Value?

TS: https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipPzj2nyMCwpmrzK0ShDVek2VeFFCoS9nUIBAhcLRE2IUmO-MyGZmc44CXu9O3Azjg?key=dkJCNW1zM1pHUVJZdGFHd1hQMXhpRjN5MUxITVdn
Mirage:
Catch and release from the swap. Never cut by me. Have carried. Small snails on pocket clip. Fun lil knife. Just not my style comes with box Sv:275 Tv:300
Modded Para 3 (Rex 45):
Great blade. Trades for on swap. At least the 2nd owner. Rex 45 is hard to find in a para 3 aftermarket scales by SDK. Lynch clip. Not much else to say. It’s a great knife. Cut and carried by me. Comes with box Sv:185 Tv: 215
Renegade GOM:
Laser Damascus was cool at first but now I’m over it. Other than that everything about this is great from the action to edge condition. At least the second owner. Never cut or carried by me. Comes with box Sv:225 Tv:250
We Merata:
My first ever ‘premium knife’ hurts to see it go. 1st owner. Carried but never cut. Comes with box/COA
Sv:180 Tv:215

Demographics: male, South Asian, public high school, in-state for NC, upper middle class, currently a junior
Intended Major(s): Mechanical or Electrical Engineering at NC State
ACT/SAT/SAT II: 1550 (780 math and 770 EBRW)
UW/W GPA and Rank: 4.0UW; 4.55W; 7/630
Coursework: Lots of AP, Honors and Dual Enrollment
Awards:
HOSA SLC Top 10 in my event
Bronze PVSA for 50 hrs of community service at YMCA
3rd in a financial literacy competition
Honor Roll
Random AP Scholar awards
Extracurriculars:
Red Cross Club Volunteer (3 yrs) - over 80 hrs of volunteering
Local teen volunteer org (3 yrs) - over 60 hrs of volunteering
YMCA Volunteer (3 yrs) - over 80 hrs of volunteering
Key Club Volunteer (2 yrs) - about 100 hrs of volunteering
VP of Biotechnology Club (1 yrs) - help organize bi-weekly meetings, organized a small competition for the club, hosted an art supply drive to donate to hospitals where over 60 items were donated
Finance VP and Chief of Staff for a nonprofit (1 yrs) - attend weekly meetings to coordinate fundraising projects and high-impact projects, worked on outreach and currently assisting in the creation of an economic competition fundraiser; interviewed and recruited staff for the finance department; originally started as Finance Coordinator, then promoted to Finance VP, then offered Chief of Staff role for commitment to the org, closed down after goal was reached
HOSA (3 yrs) - volunteer at some community events and competed once
Will be attending the North Carolina Governor's School for mathematics this summer (one of about 800 out of 2000)
Gym (3 yrs) - I do home workouts
Essays/LORs/Other: Essays will probably be like 7 or 8/10, recs will be from Calculus teacher (7.5/10) and Physics teacher (8/10) or Psychology teacher (9.5/10)
Schools:
Chance me for NCSU Mechanical or Electrical Engineering

Hello. I have always found myself alone since childhood, not talking to anyone. I enjoyed watching TV and being alone. In school, I often sat alone with no one around me, ate alone, and walked alone (not always 100% like this, but about 70% of the time). The problem is that I realized I do not have social skills. I don't know how to talk to people. Whenever I talk to someone, especially girls, strangers, or even my mother about certain subjects, I always get flushed, start sweating, and can't breathe (not always, but about 80% of the time). I have never spoken in front of a group. I always go back and try to hide myself. If someone, male or female, talks to me one-on-one, I can talk normally, but if there is another person, I can't control what will happen.

TLDR -
Our relationship began last summer, although we initially met in grad school during a Zoom class and later in person during our internships. I had an immediate crush but was too nervous to approach her. Fast forward to last April, we matched on Tinder, hit it off quickly, and went on our first date almost exactly a year ago. Despite my nerves, it was the best date I could have hoped for, and we connected deeply. Over the summer, we continued seeing each other, often spending late nights watching movies. Even though she initially said she wasn’t ready for a relationship, we spent a lot of time together, and eventually, we became a couple before I moved away for an artist residency.
The long-distance relationship was challenging but manageable, as we talked all the time, and became very ingrained into each other's lives. I often drove long hours to see her, and we communicated regularly. We had started talking about moving in together when I returned, as well as the possibility of marriage. However when I moved back, my workload increased, particularly with a ceramics, and our relationship began to strain, without me noticing. The stress from my work and the disappointment from a failed kiln firing led me to shut down emotionally, affecting our communication. She felt neglected, especially since I didn’t discuss my struggles in fear of worrying her about my health. As I feared I was borderline depressed, from the lack of motivation and burn out. I also applied to a different residency assuming we were on the same page about the situation, which would affect our plans of moving in together. Despite our deep connection and mutual support, my preoccupation with work and lack of communication caused her to feel pushed away. Now, she's unsure about her feelings for me, overwhelmed by her own challenges she needs to face within the next month, and needs time to think about our future. I’ve been trying to show her she is my priority, but I’m unsure what else to do and desperately seeking advice on how to assure her of my commitment and rebuild our relationship.
Things had been fine for 7-8 months until I started shutting off emotionally from the constant failure and disappointment of work outcomes. When I realized to make an effort to see each other more, it was too late as she felt too pushed away at that point. We talked yesterday and came to the conclusion that we're not breaking up, but she needs some time and space to herself while she decides how she feels about the relationship.
The long explanation
I guess I should start off with how the relationship started and how it's been for first 7-8 months.
We started seeing each other last Summer after her graduation. We had originally met in grad school, we had a Zoom class together and we met in person for the first time during our internships. I immediately got a crush on her, and tried to just say Hi to her whenever I got the chance. I saw her as someone way out of my league, and was nervous to talk to her.
Flash forward to last April, we match on Tinder and we really hit it off quite fast. I was still nervous about the whole thing, thinking she wouldn't be into me. I eventually got the guts to ask her out, and we finally went out almost exactly a year ago. I was worried the date would be awkward and she wouldn't like me, at this time I also hadn't been out with anyone else in years, I had gotten out of a very long term relationship previously and hadn't met anyone new yet.
It was honestly the best first date I could have hoped for, better than I could have hoped for. Since the moment of picking her up to dropping her back off, we were talking non stop. We got to know so much about each other that night and I fell for her almost immediately. We almost kept the workers at the restaurant late, we didn't realize an hour had gone by after we finished eating. We just sat there talking. Then we went to karaoke night at a bar, we didn't do karaoke as we're both very shy in front of crowds. Overall it was literally the best night I had in a very long time.
After our 3rd time going out, I thought I would ask her out properly, and see if she would like to be a couple. I did, but she said it was too early for her to start a relationship as she had gotten out of one 2 months prior. But that she enjoys our time together and just needed some time before going into a new relationship. Which was fine, I wanted to respect her space and gave her the time she needed. We still saw each other multiple times throughout the Summer. I went over to her place late at night quite often to watch movies until 3 or 4am.
During this time, I of course still had huge crush on her. I also drove by her work when I got the chance to drop off coffee. If she texted to ask if I wanted to watch a movie, I would drop everything I was doing. I just wanted to spend as much time as I could with her. Because I also knew that she was moving away, just two hours away from where we both were, but that was still pretty far and I thought the distance would ruin any chance. It also didn't help that I was also moving out of state, 10 hours away from her. I was willing to do anything to make long distance work. I just needed to ask her again.
Before I actually asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship together, we finally had our first kiss while watching a movie, and that whole week we basically acted like a couple, but hadn't made it official yet. I told her my feelings, and she told me hers. Turns out she was very into me as well. I asked her if she was sure, since we were both moving far apart. We agreed that we could make it work. We had gotten along so well over the last 2 months. We like all the same stuff, music, tv, movies, games, etc. It felt like she was the person I was missing in my life for so long. Literally my second half.
She moved before I did, but I drove to her every weekend before I moved. And I always stayed from Friday to Monday. I helped her explore her new city, and move all of her stuff over. I fell for her more and more every day. After I made my move, we agreed to call each other every other night, to play games together or to watch a show or movie. It was hard, but we managed to do it. The roughest parts were having to deal with no phone service up there, or very little access to internet. But we made it, and she even drove all the way up to see me for one weekend. Which meant so much to me.
Over the next few months, I had started to struggle at my new place and in the position I was in in my career. I also managed to make time to see her once, sometimes twice a month. My drives would last 10-12 hours depending on traffic, but it was always worth it just to be able to see her.
I eventually left my position, due to very poor management, and for it being a nearly abusive situation. So in December I packed everything up and moved back home. Here's another important detail. My position was to be just for a year, which is one of the reasons we worked so hard to make long distance work. As we knew eventually we'd be close again. Our original plan was this. I'd move and work for a year, and when I come back we would look for a place together and hopefully move in. A this point, marriage had been brought up. We both knew we love each other so much, and that marriage was in our future.
I guess I should clear up what I do. I'm an artist, and the last few years have been spent with me participating in artist residencies. These vary in length, but the one I moved for was a year. I had hoped that I could gain experience in my field, in a proper studio setting, and develop my work further with the studio access I would have. It's specifically in ceramics. This was my first residency that was long term. In the past the max was 2 weeks. As a ceramic artist, woodfired ceramics is my thing.
Anyways, I moved back. Everything went back to the way it was before I moved. We alternated who drives to who on the weekends. We spent the entire week of Christmas/new years together. Before that on my visits, she was able to meet my family and friends. Everyone points out how well she and I get along, and that we're such a great match.
Starting in January, I was back in the mood to work on ceramics related projects. I had managed to get into some woodfirings, which for those unfamiliar, they're not very common. It's also a very demanding type of firing as we're stoking the kiln with wood constantly. These can be anywhere from 12 hours, to 100 hours straight. during this time I had also started working for my family's business again.
During January and February I was in my home studio constantly making work, often well into the night. Some deadlines started coming up, and as they got closer I was rushing as much as I could, and making as much work as I could. But it hadn't affected my life much, yet. Everything had still went well, and we were still calling each other at least twice a week, and seeing each other every weekend. Every other Sunday was D&D night with my friends, which she joined into as well. Everything was still going great.
March is when I think everything started going downhill. Besides the fact that I had a ceramics conference coming up, and that was a ton of pressure. I also had the biggest firing of the year happening 2 weeks after the conference, and I was one of the key leaders necessary to make the firing happen. There was tons and tons of pressure on me in March/April. I had to rush work for the conference AND the firings. And the previous firings I had earlier in the year turned out to not be very great, and left me very disappointed. But the biggest firing of the year was happening, and I need work. Because I had also been considering applying to another residency, I was so screwed over by the last place, that I wanted one more shot. It also didn't help that I also started up a Minecraft community my friends and I ran, but one that I mostly ran. I didn't realize how much time that took up either.
The conference went well, she went with me and she got to meet all of my ceramic friends, and we had our first road trip. the conference was a 12 hour drive for us. As soon as I got back from the conference, I knew I had to rush a lot of work and start prepping out at the kiln. I still set aside the weekends to see her, but I was just so busy during the week not just with the kiln, but also working for my family. I shifted my free time to playing Minecraft, as it's always been a comfort game for me since I was in high school. Some days I'd be so exhausted I didn't want to do anything else but just place blocks mindlessly for a few hours. At the conference, I met lots of people, and the hype from it all made me want to reapply to a residency. I had brought up that I was thinking about reapplying, and it felt like she was supportive of that decision. She was very aware of everything that happened at the last place.
the week of the firing I needed to be there as much as I could, I did 12 - 16 hour shifts on the kiln at a time, and I did overnight shifts. This meant for the whole week, she would work all day while I slept, and then I went and worked all night while she slept. I didn't realize how much this would affect her. I don't even think we saw each other that weekend, we waited until the next so she could come unload the kiln. That was the first time we spend more than a week without each other since I moved back.
I wanted to try another residency, and the deadline for the only place I was interested in was a few days after we finished firing. So I took that weekend to write out my application and send it in.
When we finally unloaded the kiln, it really really, really, disappointed me. So much time in the studio, so much time making work and starting over, so much time spent working on firing the kiln. Everything went wrong, and 90% of work I made was ruined. It really hit me hard, but I didn't want to show it. It affected me mentally and emotionally more than I thought it could. I kind of shut down for a bit. I went back to work, and when I came home in the afternoons I didn't do much, I just stayed in bed. On my off days during the week, I'd spent most of the day in bed. Barely talking to anyone. It just really sucked. So much. It sucked because I had hyped this up to everyone. I hyped myself up. I posted about it every day promising to update my followers on social media. I put in SO MANY hours into this. Just for almost all of my hard work to be ruined.
I didn't talk about how I felt. I didn't talk much.
I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to make excuses. I just shut down for a bit, and I didn't realize how much that would affect her. I had noticed since march, and especially in April we hadn't talked much during the week anymore. Maybe once a week we called to play something, or watch something. I was busy, and she was busy and going through her own struggles. She's a middle school teacher, and she's really been struggling the whole year in her position. I was always there to comfort her, and to be someone to listen to her about everything that's been going on. But all of that time just focusing on my work put a lot of strain on our relationship. You'd think that after the firing was over, I'd be free again and have time. But I was so disappointed I spent the whole week after making work again and rushing again, since I had a market to do, and I needed work to sell. the sale also wasn't great, and all of that just really hurt me. I didn't want her to worry about me. So I kept a lot of my thoughts to myself, of how I was feeling about the firing, and in general the career I've been trying to build in ceramics.
Me focusing on my work, and only my work, really really affected our relationship more than I ever though it would. And it was never intentional. And the rest of April/beginning of May was just rough. We saw each other maybe one day a week, or not at all, one day it was just for a few hours, since we had other things to do on the weekends. The market was out of state, and she wasn't able to go with me due to her work. I also realized I wouldn't get the residency, which was honestly kind of a relief.
Two weeks ago, I felt as everything finally cleared and I was starting to feel better. I went to see her on a Sunday, and I had taken a few days off so I could stay at her place until Wednesday. We hadn't had time together for more than a day in a really long time. So this was time to make up for some of it. Something had felt off that day though. I wasn't sure what it was, but I started to get worried. We would often tell each other "I love you" followed by "you promise, you swear?" It was always playful, while also being a little bit of a reassurance. I asked her that day, and it felt mostly normal. Later that nigh while getting ready for bed, she was just looking at me, and I asked "What's wrong"
This is when everything came out. She said she was afraid that we wouldn't make it. And then said that over the last 2 months, she felt pushed away and like she wasn't a priority to me. That it hurt that I applied to a residency without talking to her about it first, especially since our original plan was to move in together. I thought, we were on the same page on that. She seemed supportive, but we never had a real conversation about it. It was, "hey I applied for this thing" and "I hope you get it, you really deserve another chance!" She even looked for teaching jobs in the area I would move to, if I did get the residency.
Since that firing I wasn't there for her. I didn't tell her about my days where I just wanted to rot in bed. Some days I didn't now what to talk about. I felt borderline depressed. And I didn't talk, or talk about it, or talk to her much. I kept looking forward to the days when we would see each other on the weekends, but other things got in the way most times, and we didn't have the regular amount of time we had gotten used to. In person when we did see each other, things felt normal. I guess the weekdays after work are when she needed me the most, while I either stayed in bed all day, or got on Minecraft to mindlessly place blocks. Sometimes I didn't even do anything productive in game, I just ran around. I was sad. I just didn't want her to see me like that.
It sucks that I noticed too late. I knew we hadn't been able to have a lot of time together. I had planned to finally dedicate a few days together like before, and I brought over some board games so we could have stuff to do together. I knew that we would have to talk about moving in and planning out the rest of the summer.
The time apart, and the time of me not talking much really hurt her so much. I feel so terrible about it. Like I said it was never intentional. She said that her days for the last month were just going to work and coming home, hoping she would get a chance to talk to me. She said that night, that she doesn't know if she feels the same way about me anymore. She felt pushed away so much, and felt like she's already mourned the relationship. And she said it wasn't just that, that's made her afraid about our relationship. She's having trouble finding a new job, and her lease is up at the end of June, and she can't look for a new place, until she gets a new job. She's been applying for a lot of jobs closer to my area. But she also doesn't know if she needs to move back to her parents to take care of them, as they're not doing well either. And they live on the opposite side of the state. She has a lot of pressure on her right now and is very overwhelmed by everything going on, and all the decisions she's having to make in such short notice.
That night I, possibly stupidly, asked her if she wanted me to leave, after she said maybe she just needs some time and space. I say stupidly, because after I got home I felt like leaving wasn't the right decision. Before I left though, I told her everything. About how I had been feeling, and how I don't even know if I want to do a residency anymore. But she told me not to say that because of her. Of course not doing it would mean I get to stay with her, but I assured her this is something that's been on my mind. I told her that maybe we're just having a rough patch in the relationship and we should work together on it, and apologized for not being there for her. She said that with everything else going on with her, her parents, her work, her lease, everything, she needs some time to think about our relationship.
Since that night, I've been doing everything to assure her that she IS my priority and trying to prove to her that I do care and love her very much. I've been trying so hard to put myself back together, and just been reflecting on everything that's happened since we met. And thinking about the future, and trying to plan things out.
I wrote her a 6 page letter explaining all my feelings and how I felt about her, and reminding her of all the absolutely great times we had together. As well as highlighting my mistakes, and promising to never make her feel pushed away again.
She came over last weekend, I assume originally to return my stuff and call it off. It was different, there was a big elephant in the room, and I finally asked her how she's felt. And she says she still doesn't know. She had some time to think about everything, but doesn't know what she wants to do. We agreed that she would need some more time. We ended up going out for food and a movie, and she stayed the night. Though, opposite sides of the bed, and no kind of intimacy. Which is fine, she needs the space. She read the letter, and said it was very sweet and wished I put that much effort over the last two months. and I just said "I do too"
She came back this weekend, and stayed again. It almost felt back to normal. We spent Saturday and Sunday together, we went out, went shopping, went to one of our favorite restaurants, and another movie. I didn't bring anything up because I didn't want to ruin what felt like a regular weekend with her again. But before she left I just felt like I need to ask how she had been feeling. She said that she came over because she was wanting to feel it out, see how we would do together. And that she had fun with me.
She just still doesn't know if she feels the same way anymore. But that there's something keeping her from saying she wants to break up. She said that she still likes me a lot, and doesn't want to lose contact with me, and that she doesn't want to never see me again. That maybe, she just needs to settle down with her job, parents, and moving. I asked a question, I said "This might be a dumb question, but did we break up?" She said she doesn't know. We kept talking about stuff, and we came down to we didn't break up, but she still needs some time to get everything sorted out. Because, like I said, she's very overwhelmed with a ton of stuff. She still doesn't know where she's gonna move to, if she's gonna be able to move. But she said that she and I make a really good match, that we're best friends.
She's coming back over on Friday, and Saturday we're gonna spend the day looking at some apartments, in the general area where she's looking for a job.
I just don't know what else I can do. And I'm desperate for any advice anyone has to offer.
Here are my thoughts on from my side.
I know I can say she's my priority all I want, but I really need to show it. I've been more active in showing her that. Everything else aside, the last two weeks we've been talking more than we have been in a while. We still call to watch shows. We've been on Survivor, 90 Day Fiance, and Sopranos. I haven't suggested 90 Day lately though given the situation. She's gonna get Stardew soon, and we'll start playing together hopefully this week. Yesterday we started Shogun. I know that the last two weeks isn't going to magically fix all of our problems. I'm very aware of that. But I'm trying to show her she IS my priority.
Career wise, I've reflected a lot on this. I need to use my teaching degree, and get a job as a teacher. It's still my plan to be an artist/teacher. Part of the reason I wanted so badly to do a residency, besides having a studio, I thought it would help a lot on a resume. Plus more actual studio experience, felt like it would be great for my future students. It's always been my plan to teach. If I don't use my teaching certification for 3 years, I have to renew, which I've heard is a pain and expensive. this was my last year before I have to renew, so I felt I could get a residency out of the way before going into teaching full time.
But I'm 100% okay with not getting to do that. Like I said previously, I was honestly a little relieved when I realized it wasn't happening. I'm starting to look for job openings in the area, and I have an interview to be an instructor at a local studio tomorrow. Besides that I have no set in stone plans for a job and where I'm living. Since leaving the residency in December, I've had to move into my parents for the time being. I think no matter what I need to start looking for a new place soon. I hadn't looked before, because I was thinking I'd either move out of state again or move in with her.
If she were up for it after all of this, assuming it goes well, I'd move in with her anywhere she ends up moving to. I half jokingly said that if she has to stay in her current job, and city, that I looked into it and there's a place there I could potentially teach at as well. But she said she doesn't want to feel like she's making me uproot my life for her. But I would have anyways if things went well this whole time. And that if she moves back in with her parents, there's another place up there I could work out of.
Again, I know stuff like that isn't going to magically fix everything. If I said hey let's move in, I know that's not the solution. But I'm not saying let's move in, in hopes that it fixes everything.
She feels like I would be giving things up to be with her. I just don't know how to assure her that it's not me "giving things up" If we were to be together for sure, I would be more than happy to do what it takes to be with her. How to I assure her that "giving things up" isn't a bad thing. I feel like she feels that me staying with her, is the bad option. I also feel like she's afraid that I'd make her feel pushed away again. She asked what happens during the firing next year, and I gonna ignore her again? I assured her I wouldn't, and that I'm over woodfiring a bit. This year was just really rough in terms of my work being woodfired. Just disappointment after disappointment. I've also learned that my professor, who runs the firing, has been cutting off a lot of our regular shift leaders lately. He kept saying that they really needed me this year. I felt bad about our key people missing out, and felt pressure to work as much as I can do make it happen. Which is why I did up to 16 hours a night on the kiln, and spent so much time prepping it the week before, as well as all the pressure of having to rush work. After hearing everything that's going on, I feel almost taken advantage on with this whole situation. Since the firing I've learned about all the people he cut off, and accusations he's made about people.
Also, sorry about such a long post. I wanted to be as detailed as I can, so people don't get the wrong idea about things. I've tried to keep everything clear, while still leaving very personal details to a minimum.
I really thought she was the one, since day one we've gotten along so well. We quickly became each other's best friends. She's my best friend and my favorite person. It's really scary, the thought of losing her. But I hurt her so much, and I didn't even realize it until it was too late, and I feel so terrible about it. There's a part of me that's cautiously optimistic. If we break up what if we never talk again? She's become so ingrained into my life, it's scary to think one day I'll go a whole day without talking to her. I know she's really thinking about it, and taking her time. Instead of jut saying that. I'm very aware of my mistakes, and that I should have done things differently. I'm trying my hardest to make up for it. I know that it'll take some time, it's not something that'll be instantly fixed.
I just don't know what else to do, if I should just keep going the way things are right now, who to talk to about all of this. I just need any kind of advice and/or reassurance. She said that in the worst case scenario, we're just best friends, and she doesn't want us to stop hanging out at all or lose contact. Because we make such a good match.