Personal sex kadhalu

I don't usually vent or rant about my relationship. I prefer to keep things between my partner and I. However, this time I feel conflicted and overwhelmed, as well as guilty for wishing that his parents weren't too involved in our relationship.
My boyfriend and I are in a very healthy relationship. We don't have problems or arguments that end up with one of us crying or breaking down. We always solve our disagreements calmly and communicate how we feel, as we value one another to the very core. We have always been understanding and supportive to each other.
Within our relationship, almost all of our disagreements are because of his parents. At first, I was under the impression that his family loves and adores me as one of their own. But as time passed, more and more problems began to sprout, and it seemed as though every little thing I did always caused issues on their end.
Mind you, I am a very understanding person. I have given them nothing but utter respect, and I am very open to them about many aspects in my life. My past relationships, my trauma, my family, etc etc. Whatever they asked, I responded to with pure honesty. It didn't matter if it was an uncomfortable topic for me. I valued the "bond" that we shared, and began to consider his parents as one of my own, regardless of the times where they hurt me because of their own assumptions of me and straightforward advice.
I listened well and even encouraged my partner to be more open with his family, as I acknowledge that we need their guidance and support in order to develop our relationship. But the thing is, it has become TOO much. To the point that even a slightest mistake on my end (regardless if it was in the past, and when I say past, I mean a few years ago or so.) sparked disagreements and arguments in his family. Because apparently, it is STILL in my character. It didn't matter if I improved or changed, it was always held against me.
They called me weak, I accepted. Because I knew it was true, no matter how much it hurt. My past is a very sensitive topic to me. I used to be in an abusive relationship, where my ex would take advantage of me sexually. He would hurt me physically and verbally. Calling me derogatory terms and implying that I was nothing without him. At that period of my life, I truly was weak-willed and vulnerable. I didn't have the courage to go against him in the past, but when I met my current partner, my personality changed.
My partner and our friends helped me realize that my ex was abusive, which is why I got the courage to break free. The next few months consisted of them helping me heal and go forward. My partner, my best friend, is a huge impact in my life. Because of him, I was able to get the courage to be open to my family. (My family and I used to have a rough relationship. Over time, with the encouragement of my partner, I was able to have a comfortable and healthy bond with them. I became more open, and my mental health was slowly getting better, as this growth helped me achieve something I never thought I could achieve.) Everything was going well, at least I thought it was.
Turns out, on my partner's end, it was not going well. His family had many opinions about me. Wanting to learn if me and my ex had sex, why I didn't do anything with the disrespect, and more. They had problems with my personality, because I cursed, because I influence my partner too much, and constantly expected me to adjust according to what they believe is right. No matter how many times I apologised, attempted to make things right, and practically took on a dominant role in my relationship just to satisfy them and lead my partner to a "better" path that they wanted. It was still not enough.
It got to the point where they would access my partner's accounts to snoop around. They would use it against me, claiming that I am not a good girlfriend. They would take screenshots of private matters (Not sexual. Me and my partner are not sexual, as he knows that I am not comfortable with it due to my past relationship.) and hold my partner accountable. They would punish him for speaking to me late at night, punish him for going out with me, punish him for going to my house, and etc. I'm confused, of course, since they allowed the relationship and even helped my partner pursue me.
They would make comparisons of our relationship, to their relationship as husband and wife. They were unsatisfied with how my partner handles our relationship, despite the fact that people have different ways to show love. They would expect my partner to do the same things they did while they were courting each other. I get that they want what's best for us, more on whats best for him, but my partner is starting to get paranoid and uncomfortable with it. He stood up to them plenty of times (which resulted to him getting punished.) and I truly do admire him for being so brave. Though, I wish he didn't have to defend me against his family. I never wanted to cause problems, which is why I constantly made adjustments as they see fit, and changed to become better for him and his family.
They even tried to set my partner up with his first love, (his crush of over 5 years, they were never in a relationship.) despite knowing that he is in a relationship with me. They would offer him money to go on dates with her, which he has always denied. (he would argue with them too, saying that he doesn't like her, that he loves me, and etc.) they even forced him to keep contact with her, even though they know that I have opened up to him and them about how it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel as though I am not respected nor valued.
Even though they see all of the effort I put into the relationship, it is still not enough. I bought/made them and my boyfriend gifts, encouraged my boyfriend to bond with them more, wrote letters expressing my dedication and love, I even told him that I was okay with being his LAST PRIORITY. I told him that above all else, I will be happy if he puts his family and friends first before me. Since his family claimed that he does not like spending time with them like he does with me, that he only focuses on me, that he does not manage his time to focus on other people who want his attention like his friends.
I don't know anymore. I don't feel happy. I don't want to understand the circumstances of the situation any longer. I feel like I'm being disregarded and pushed aside. I feel like I am not enough, and most of all, I feel guilty for wishing that they wouldn't try to snoop around or get involved in our relationship. I feel guilty for wishing that I didn't have to constantly understand their side instead of acknowledging my own feelings. My partner tries to establish a clear boundary, which his family does not understand. All I want to do is cry. I feel my mental health deteriorating at extreme lengths, to the point where I have begun contemplating and begging god for death, just so my partner wouldn't have to suffer because of me. I don't want to break up with him, but what if that's the only way he could be at peace with his family? I don't know what to do.
please do not post this on any other social media platform, this is the only place where I feel comfortable with this being shared. I genuinely need advice.

What the eff is wrong with me (f31). I've been through so much in my life as well as people has been through a lot of shit because of me as I have put them through. As a child I have been wild and uncontrollable, rebellious whenever I was out of school, but when I was in school or even later in my years at job, I was very calm controlling person, well behaved, always smiled with loads of anxiety under disguise. I think I might have adhd and I'm waiting for diagnosis but it will take years unfortunately for that. I'm impatient and very emotionally unstable (there is a lot more signs than just this but that is main). Anyway, lately I've been thinking or rather been trigger by people at work due to my child traumas that lead me to think deeply about my parents and my childhood. I think I was unwanted child, as ive been treated just as a kid, just as if I'd be living in a foster home with someone who is forced to have you as ive never got so much love and attention from my parents, 70% of my childhood I can remember ive been told off, beaten and a child that needs alot of control (as I was very rebellious ever since I know about myself). Hard to handle and always getting in trouble. I ran away multiple times, first time was when I was 4 years old, then I have been stealing other kids goods, their toys, I mean everything they had and I wanted, I stole and it happens since I was 4, didn't stopped untill I was 15. A lot of times ive been caught and felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself but I still carried on. When I was 12 I fell into bad group of so called friends and started to drink, smoke, we stole from the shops intentionally and usually I was distraction but even that, when I had chance I'd nip away a liter or any alcohol bottle or cigarettes. I was introduced to boys for intention to have relationship and sexual interaction but thankfully I was (according to my friends at the time) dumb and too shy to do anything or have guts to sleep with any of them. I felt stupid at the time because of that. Today I can say thanks God I was the way I was, because only who knows where would I be if I'd started having sexual interactions at 13 years. Don't know where did this come from but strong instinct didn't let me or it is just beginning of my anxiety of untrusting people. Anyways I'm glad I didn't. Although I was craving for any kind of touch just to feel loved and feel important in someone else's eyes, I knew that wasn't it. As long as I know myself I was always craving for this satisfaction and love and attention. And this cravings came out later over the years. I had first sex when I was 14 and it felt like a must-do. I was "deadly" in love with some guy and I even lied to him I wasn't a virgin, just so I could taste how it feels to be loved on physical way. This boy, he went through break up with his first love and I remember of my jealousy, the way he spoke about her, the way he felt about her, and I wished I had all this, I wished I was this person he was in love with. Anyway long story short, he didnt know I was a virgin and we ended up literally "fucking " somewhere unspecial, outdoors, literally just s3x, and I was also not crying but instead I was letting out pleasure voices just to go with it to make him feel good as well as myself but I failed on so many levels. And this cravings to have someone,to be someone's heart and soul and rock and have trust and everything... it never stopped. I grew into a bitter young lady, I was called a bitch multiple times and things (people) that was offered me on silver plate wasn't interesting enough, I ended up hurting them by using them or ghosting them, but I always fell for someone who needed a bit of challenge and chasing. I met a guy when I was 17 and he was a challenge, I was a fox and he was a rabbit. It was such a difficult begging due to my infidelity but only because he gaslighted me for few weeks. Anyway, strong force brought us together (I think it is due to challenges I felt over him, dopamine chasing, and going against my parents and everyone we knew in common that knew our story and didnt want to see us together, i wanted to prove them wrong). I got pregnant at 17, and by my 21st year old, I was pregnant with third child with him, meanwhile we gor married (think I was 20 or something), but I was awful partner I always longed for dopamine, extremes, adrenaline and infidelity gave me that. Awful wife and mother I was, deeply selfish and narrow looking. Hiding love affair for a year, chasing married mad as it was a challenge to me, tought I was in love but in reality it was just about adrenaline and secrecy, that made me feel alive in my so called marriage. It wasn't my only affair, there was plenty one night stands, I can't even remember and it is embarrassing today. I hate myself for what I caused my ex husband and I can't imagine his emotional pain I caused to him. But after all, kept in touch, we kept each other close, like a very good friends and we both put our children to a first place. We raised them good and a lot of people admire us for that, knowing how bad this could turn out in the course but all we wanted is keeping our kids out of our drama and let them have best of both worlds-mom and dad on the other side. Today I'm thinking, the way I raise my kids, the way I listen to them and talk to/with them and advise them, making sure they are good, they are unique and that they are all I ever wanted, giving them everything I never had, support, thrust, safety... makes me feel very upset and angry as I never got that from my parents. And I will never understand them. I read goodnight books every night to my youngest child because she loves stories and she is a bookworm . I let my other daughter she is beauty in every single way no matter how her bully feels. I lost my shit when line was crossed with a bully, I went to school and even report it. I make sure my son as weird he is, he is perfect to me(altho I feel somehow I failed him as I was young and dumb when I had him). All that makes me think, I wasn't raised with those comforts, but I still give them to my kids. I love them more than anything, so why my parents didn't give any of this to me. I have a younger brother and he was much more loved than I was, I can tell that, even he can. He was golden boy, great grades, good friends, unlike me. That, and comparing to how I feel about my kids and how I am raising them today, it is not fair for what I've been through as a child. Why is he wanted and I want at the time? It always and probably always will make me feel unwanted. Up untill today, my kids are happy, me and their dad forgot about our past, moved on and choose to put kids on first place, I've got partner (adhd as well of course) my kids love him and he is amazing. Our love story is pretty incredible and we mostly connected due to my mother's betrayal (she was trying to sleep with my boyfriend at the time which was few months before I met my partner) and we grew closer and closer. He was from another country but my untrusting instict was kicking off my mind and when we had long distance relationship, after all of betrayals in my life after all ground falls I've been through with opposite sex (not that I ever shower how much I care or put any effort into it) , after I told him, in 3d world country where I met him, I said, you can promise me everything but I'm not kind of girl who will fall for that or believe whatever BS you're saying, after having long distance relationship and talking and calling thousands times a day, after I betrayed him, got full on selfish drunk and black out cheated multiple times... we ended up stronger than ever, I ended up moving in his country and I was strong enough to convince my ex husband now and my brother (who was already looking for run out of the country-yes my golden boy bro who wasn't really golden but he was still perfect) to move with me. I was always thinking of my kids first any I always wanted for them to have their dad beside then always and forever! I remember at some point my mom wanted to take my brother and me to her national country to get us safe from our dad's fists and his anger, jealousy (related to mom-but I think jealousy was in the right place as my mom wasn't loyal- only I found this out when I had kid with my husband and she told me all about-basically I was her friend who listened amd not daughter, I think this infidelity from her side started sooner, I just don't know about it). She trusted me about her feelings about her infidelity and being in love with other man as I was her friend and at that point she broke my perspective of what family is (Note I was 18 years old and I just started my own family). Anyway my dad was abusive prick, always told me I'd never reach anything, I'd never be anyone, I'm worth of nothing amd mom never stood up for me, but my little golden brother whom I love very much today but didn't at the time, never got any of it. I love my kids, I love my ex husband in a very respectful amd father friendly way, I always put my kids first, I love my brother (even after I hated him so much when we were young I chased him with a bloody knife, for real) I love all of them, most of all I love my partner, he is kind of picture of myself I just never realised. He is shadow of my self-sabottage side of me, and he tought me so much and even from begging he tought me how to think of other persons feelings before doing something that would hurt them. Never before him I never tought of other persons feelings but mine own only. Back to the story, infidelity, untrusting.. all of this happened because I didn't think we'd stick together as long as we did and still going strong after abuse, wether physical or verbal (mostly) ,manipulative games, depression, infidelity and betrayal from my side and his side after few years, toxic cycle all the way, but where we stand today, if we wouldn't stick together I believe I'd never find anyone that I would love as much as him, and he would end up dead in worst case scenario. But as we are really strong and went through a lot of things, we kept on going. Love made us kept on going. Usually I wouldn't stick around with people who'd done this things to me, as well as he wouldnt, but it's something stronger, like a force from outter space that always broke us together. We help each other now, we listen (we didn't do that in past as noone knew how to so we always ended up fighting) we care, we consider, we understand, we absorb and we react properly. It went fron toxic relationship from me making him jealous on purpose to him screaming and shouting for everything little thing I did wrong, to us talking, listen and understand each other. I am very much happy with this relationship and for the first time in my life I am putting all my effort in this relationship and not chasing anyone else for adrenaline or dopamine as I feel he is that! He satisfies me in every view and I finnaly wish to settle with him as I don't feel any need for infidelity or any other side ways. He listen to me. He cares. He understands. He is love of my life. But he is my pain in the ass as well. And I like it. He makes it interesting as well as I believe he feels the same about me. We have challenges all the time but we always solve them together. I think if this would be normal couples going through same shit, they wouldn't be together as they would see red flags in each other everywhere. But he makes me feel alive, he makes me feel to want to take care of him, to be his soul mate, even when I don't like something, I will fake I like it because his smile means everything and one thing I like to do is to satisfy people that means the world to me. Even tho I'm such a disappointment. And he is an addict. And having a partner like that, I will go through everything to prove myself and my worth to that person. I basically will become and addict myself just to be in the same level, just to support them and make sure they dont feel alone. Where does that come from, I dont know (altho I was born and raised with alcohol abuse since birth (parents & family parties all the time)- but not drugs). I tried cocaine when I was 25. Think I should be happy with that as if I'd tried is sooner, my story would end up differently. I tried weed and I always had panic attacks as I didn't have control over my feelings and actions whilst I was high. I tried extasy, same batch as my friends had ( 27years old?) And it literally put my muscles to sleep. But my true extasy was music and it always kept me going on parties. I tried speed but always gave me swolen lymbs and it was awful. But when I tried cocain, it made me myself, I knew who I was I was confident. I could focus, I felt myself. I didnt like drugs out of party premises but my boyfriend was a lot onto that so I followed. And followed. And went with it. And went against it. And against . Think he had a problem. But because I loved him so very much (not that any of that had any effort on my kids or anything-it was always only about myself) I always went with it. And I think I have a problem now. After so long, all I want is, is have a coke and be myself and relax, talk to people like I normally wouldn't due to my severe anxiety. I'm trapped and surrounded with antidepressants, alcohol and cokaine, but one thing is for sure, I dearly very much want to end my life to relief myself from all depression and anxiety, but I love my kids faaaar too much to leave them behind and just thinking of their disappointment over years when they grow older, thinking why did mom did to me, did she not loved me enough or tought that kids wasn't good amd worthy for me enough, that would of killed me even in the next 10 lives I'd live. Broken amd forgotten. Lived and tortured and was tortured. Learning and hurting over knowledge. No one deserves what I've been through. It wasn't SA (maybe it was but I don't remember I don't knoe...it probably was when I was black out drunk, multiple times, but as a child, might of happened as well) but mostly it started with being an unwanted child with adhd and special needs, who craved a lot of attention and love but never got one. Who am I? I truly believe if I wouldn't have my kids, probably I wouldn't be here today

I really need advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years but did take a 3 month break in the fall of 2023. since getting back together things have been pretty wonderful, only struggling with some of the same hiccups, but working through them better than we did previously. I just took a 2week trip with him to the east coast. And on the last day I found out he’s been lying to me about being in contact with his ex. I don’t know if I can forgive him or not. I feel blindsided, devastated, deceived, and manipulated. I love him and truly thought we’d share a future together. Now I want to preface the texting situation by saying that he wasn’t texting her anything inappropriate necessarily but was talking with her too closely for my liking, I’d say emotion support and maybe very minor flirting / overly friendliness. Im more devastated about the lying part and the fact that it didn’t seem like a minor lie- but a very strategic one. He’s told me multiple times he hasn’t spoken to her except when we first broke up he did contact her to see how she was doing. (Which doesn’t bother me I guess because we weren’t together anyway and I was surprised he even told me I guess. ) He really values her as a friend and said he doesn’t want to be with her but for some reason it seems like he can’t just let her go. I do understand some of us are friends with our exes over time but when we very first started dating she called him drunk and still wanted to be together, so I’ve clearly expressed I’m not comfortable with their friendship at the moment bc feelings are obviously still there. I pulled him aside one day on our trip and was very vulnerable with him, asked calmly if they still talk because I get this feeling in my gut at times and it makes me uneasy, I just want resssured. He held me closely and said along the lines of “I’m not that kind of man. I truly value and respect you. I would not contact her unless I talked to you about it first and if you were comfortable. Maybe one day I’ll want to be friends with her again but I know right now isn’t the time. I love you so much and I know it’s a boundary.” He seemed so sincere. He’s always this sincere. I just kept getting this nagging feeling like he was hiding or lying to me. I can’t explain it other than something didn’t feel right. I politely asked to go through his phone a few days later (Which I’ve never done btw because I think that personal privacy is so important and I’ve never really had a problem with trusting him so I’ve never felt the need) He freaked out bad. Like bad bad. Told me no. Said I was unhealthy. Started shouting “I’m not talking to ex” but the funny thing is… I never mentioned said ex. He also said he didn’t want me to “misconstrue messages with his friends who are girls” which was another red flag for me because if he’s being respectful, why would there be anything to be misconstrued? I would happily give him my phone and he could look through any messages with any of my male friends and I firmly believe nothing would be misconstrued. And I know that he has friends who are girls and that genuinely doesn’t bother me, in fact I love a few of them such as one from work and his neighbor! I told him I was leaving him. He finally said he would allow me to see his phone. He gave it to me and then started freaking out again. Acting like someone who is guilty I suppose. Pacing back and forth. Yelling at me. Telling me I was unhealthy, that this is toxic, etc. I only had it for 5 mins before he snatched it from me. I didn’t get to look at his insta in which he said was a place he didn’t want messages misconstrued. I Didn’t get to look at messages from his other friends who were girls, nothing. I did however find messages between him and his ex. They joked about plans for his 40th birthday. Which I was planning with him recently and wanted to take him to Thailand bc it’s his dream. They had emotional convos, he was sending her pictures of things he was up to like sitting at the beach, he gave her his address, they also joked about whether or not she should send a bday gift (bc he was dating me) she has a nickname in his phone and a cute little emoji and my name literally is just normal with no picture or anything. anyways. I was shaking. Livid. Crying. I screamed at him. I feel so deceived. He won’t even admit fully that he lied. He justifies it every time and blames me. Says that he was afraid of my reaction. Said “I didn’t tell you bc I knew you’d react like this you see?” But the things is… I reacted so poorly because he’s been lying to my face for months. They had been talking during the course of our first relationship too. I can’t be around him, talk to him, look at him. I can’t help but feel in my heart and soul that he’s hiding so so so much more. The fact that he snatched his phone from me so quickly without me being able to see anything just made me so uncomfortable. He’s also in the past went behind my back when I was sleeping and went through my phone and gaslit me when I found out. Saying that he didn’t. And then eventually admitting it when I asked again a week later. He keeps calling me unhealthy and says that normal couples don’t ask to go through phones. I thought I was genuinely being respectful by asking him and not going behind his back to look at anything. When I brought up the fact that he breeched my trust in the past by going through my phone behind my back he said “why did you stay with me then? You had a choice to leave if you think I was gaslighting you” His behavior is just really making me feel like he’s this awful person. I do realize that asking to go through someone’s phone may cause discomfort, but I just knew it my gut I guess. I know there is so much good to him. He’s really been through a lot in life, and I try to consider that because of his trauma he’s incredibly defensive and emotionally reactive at times.… I don’t believe him to be a monster but idk why he can’t be honest with me. I’ve caught him in a few other small lies and forgave him for those but every time he’s caught he’s always justifying himself. I even asked him how he doesn’t feel bad and he replied “feel bad for what?” Then eventually said “I feel bad that you’re hurt” but not for talking to his ex? We got in a huge blow out argument the day after we flew home. I feel like he had no apathy or remorse, it was honestly incredibly disturbing. I will say though that I was very angry and I called him a narcissist and a manipulator, which deeply angered him and probably really hurt too. I feel unheard and I couldn’t stand to repeatedly hear him justify why he lied instead of genuinely showing remorse and apologizing. I feel really stupid. I just don’t know what to do. I told him I needed space to process all of this but im struggling so bad with how to process. I don’t know what to think. I feel confused about who he is and my emotions are all over the place. I don’t even know how I’d reach back out. He sent me a long message saying he doesn’t want anyone but me, but that he needs time to process too. He says that I overreacted- I had also bought a plane ticket to just leave on my own without him after I caught him lying and get my own Uber but traffic was so bad that I missed the flight so had to take my Original back with him. I know that may have been an overreaction I just can’t express how awful it felt. I don’t feel like he genuinely feels any remorse and I feel he constantly makes loop holes so that it justifies his lying and makes me look like a crazy insecure girlfriend. I’m sorry this is so long. I also wanted to briefly mention that I’m also having trouble deciding what to do because we haven’t had sex in 6 months or any intimate touching. I’m always very patient and try to be understanding, but pretty much uncovered a porn addiction in which I don’t believe he’s getting help for and I don’t think he will give up. I feel so broken at the moment. He’s wonderful around my kids, knows all of my friends, I love all of his friends, on our vacation we felt so close and in love and I was so excited to feel like our relationship was becoming more permanent and family oriented. He’s my very best friend and someone who I feel understands me better than anyone else. My heart is in so much pain and I am lost. I would really love some sound advice. Thanks so much

My brother who was in theater in high school had someone who was in there with him who was a nice person. But when COVID happened he went to jail and had to take a plea deal and one of the agreements was he’d be on the Sex Offender Registry. For the last few months this person has been emailing my brother’s work and telling them all these false statements about him and has been trying to make his life hell since. As I was walking out of my local movie theater after seeing Lord of the Rings I see the person who has been sending the emails walking out and I wanted to absolutely go ape shit on this person but I didn’t and a part of me wishes I did even though I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do and there is a decent chance I am going to have to see this person with the showings tomorrow and Monday.

Intro : so I dated This girl that well call æ for 2 years. She has BPD and used this as a excuse to be a bad person. After we broke up she kept me around and acted like she still loved me and made it seem like we could have a future. She’d call upon me for sex and help often when she needed it. And told me she wasn’t seeing or interested in anyone else. I don’t care if she would move on but I personally don’t wanna continue to sleep with her if she’s out doing wtv ya know. however I did have love for her and if I thought I could believe her I wanted to connect with her as much as possible despite being exs.
I find out like a month after we breakup that she’s been talking to 3 guys including me seriously and slept with all of us. Mostly me but yea. So obviously I block her and try and move on.
The meat: so now we’ll introduce my best friend of 6 years. He slept with her before we were together ( they knew eachtoher all the way back in middle school and apparently had a thing that he kept from be when we got togteher ) but he had a kid and hasn’t slept with her sense years longer than we even got together supposedly. But around a month and a half - 2 months after we broke up he got with her 3 times so she’s give him free rides. I don’t want revenge on him, I already confronted him idk and we came to blows over it. We were broke up by his brother but he is cut outve my life indefinitely. Ultimate betrayal by my brother and I have nothing to say or do with him. It hurts like hell to lose of if my 3 only super close friends but no choice.
I want revenge on her. She has lied about multiple men so many times. She’s Manipulated me used me and has all around been a bad person to me. She only wants me when it’s convenient for her and when other boys she wants don’t want her she comes back to me. I as of rn have her wrapped around my finger. She falls in love with me often cause I’m one of the only people that don’t treat her like shit. It’s not like when we would sleep together when we broken up. She thinks I don’t know that she slept with him. She’s letting me go thru her phone and I have her location and she’s spending all her free time with me somehow. How we got here isn’t that important but ask and I’ll elaborate on how and why I was able to make her fall love with me again. It’s only been a couple days I have had to lie about loving her back. And I’ve had to lie about wanting to work things out. But now that I’m here I want to make her regret everything. I want to be evil. Just this once. She’ll straight up do most to anything I say. I want to know what you people think is good idea.
Side note: please don’t suggest revenge porn. I think that’s corny and exposing her body would just make me feel like a creep.

I’m in my late 30s and in a great relationship with a wonderful man who I love very much. We own a home together, we both have jobs we like, goals we are working towards, and a great social circle. We take vacations together, he loves me very much and takes wonderful care of me. I take care of him too; our partnership is amazing and perfect. My family and friends absolutely adore him and everyone is rooting for us.
My secret is that in my early 20s I fell in love with a different man. It didn’t work out at the time but I’ve never stopped thinking about him. While I love my current partner with all my heart, the love I have for this other man is like nothing I have or will ever experience again in my life. It’s a deep, burning love that I feel with my entire soul. It’s almost indescribable. This man is alive, single, and lives within a reasonable driving distance from my city. I think about him every day, I’m still very much in love with him and while I can’t be certain, I’d be willing to bet he still loves me too. Every day I think about reaching out to him, uprooting my life, and ruining everything to be with him. I stop myself when I hear it in my head and realize how absolutely ridiculous it would be in reality. I’d have nothing going for me - I’m not leaving my job soon, so I wouldn’t move to be closer to him. I’d have to leave my home and probably struggle to pay too much rent in an apartment somewhere. He has kids, I have zero idea if they’d like or accept me. I’d be ruining a perfectly good relationship with a man that I do also love, and who loves me. I’d be getting with a man who has no long term career goals (I don’t even know if he has a job right now). Not to mention, I couldn’t bear it if things didn’t work out and I had to say goodbye to him again. It would absolutely destroy me.
So with all these things being said, what the fuck is wrong with me?? Why has it been 15 years and I still cannot get this man out of my head? I think about him every night when I lay down, I day dream about him, I fantasize about the amazing sex we used to have. I can’t get him out of my brain and I’m afraid I never will. But I desperately want to. I want to forget about him and be happy with the amazing life I have now. I don’t want to yearn for a shit life of struggling and uncertainty just because I don’t know how to stop thinking about this man. And I’m fully aware that my current partner does not deserve this. I want to be the person he deserves. But after this long, I’m feeling hopeless.

General Warning: this is a long post and I’m on mobile so formatting might be weird
Content Warning: porn, sex
To keep this as short as possible, I’ve (25 F) bulleted out my experiences related to questioning my sexuality/potential bisexuality:

• As a child (5-8ish), I used to play make believe that I was an alien on earth who learns about humans by kissing them. Not sure where this came from, but I was very excited to kiss men and women in this make believe scenario.
• Didn’t start questioning my sexuality until I was 12/13 because my mom started asking me if I was gay (for so many reasons but the most important is this: I didn’t have a bf so she assumed I must be gay). She continued to ask until I got into a relationship with a cishet man at 20.
• At 12, I had an OBSESSIVE crush on a guy for over a year but did not think he was attractive AT ALL. I had no interest in kissing him or doing anything romantic, but I wanted to spend all my time with him because I liked him so much. Nothing ever happened, but when I looked back on it I thought it was weird I wasn’t interested in kissing him.
• At 13/14, I started watching porn to see if I could figure out my sexuality but all of it freaked me out. I was especially terrified by straight porn because the women seemed like they were in pain. I recall wishing I was gay after this experience to avoid the pain. I stopped watching porn shortly after.
• Around 14, I become best friends with a girl who is openly pansexual. We talked all day every day and people at school often thought we were dating. I have never thought of her as more than a friend, and often believed that if I was actually attracted to girls that I would have been into her but since I wasn’t then I couldn’t be. She told me in our 20’s that she had a crush on me at 14.
• At 15, I was at a birthday party and was dancing with a girl who was a mutual friend. I had a history of being very interested in her because I thought she was pretty and cool. While dancing, I got the urge to kiss her. I did not kiss her and was confused why that thought popped in my brain
• At 16, I got crush on a bisexual boy. But again, I was not interested in kissing or anything romantic. I did find myself wanted to be physically close to him and touching him playfully, though. This ignited some intense research and many “am I gay?” quizzes
• At 16, I also decided I would have a crush on Cara Delevingne. I say “decided” because that is what it felt like. I felt like I was forcing myself to be into her.
• At 16, two straight (and very religious) friends tell me they would never kiss a girl. I respond with “really? Not ever? I’ll probably kiss one in college” because that’s what people do I thought
• At 17, I came out as asexual to my two closest friends (who at this point are both pansexual). I felt really comfortable with this label because I don’t want to kiss or be romantic with anyone. Only these two friends ever know this.
• At 17, I started dating that bisexual guy and the physical part of the relationship was a real struggle at the start. We dated for 4 months before I kissed him. I had started to find myself wanting to kiss him, but I was too scared to go through with it. After we finally kissed, it was great. Completely changed my views on physical intimacy. I determined that I was straight and my type was feminine guys. However, it got to a point where I started to feel like I was losing attraction because he was too feminine. We eventually broke up for other reasons. I never had sex with him during our relationship; he wanted to but I was too scared (he never pressured me)
• At 17, before my break-up, I tried watching porn again to become less afraid of sex so I could eventually have sex with my bf. I did not watch porn for my own personal journey, I just thought I needed to figure out what I liked so I could tell someone else during sex. I tried watching lesbian porn, and was not a fan at all. I thought maybe this meant I wasn’t attracted to women
• At 17, my best friend (the one I met at 14) becomes very distant due to mental health issues. I take this as hard as I take my breakup with my bf. I feel abandoned by both of them. Not sure if this is relevant at all but sometimes it makes me wonder if maybe I had feelings for her without realizing? I never felt jealous of any of her crushes or relationships. Just felt abandoned in this instance.
• At 18, I go to college and my only friends are both bisexual girls. I start to wonder if I gravitate toward these girls because I am also bisexual
• At 19, I become friends with 3 more bisexual people (2 were not out at the time but have since some out). Again, I start to wonder if there is a reason I gravitate towards bisexual people. Also, one of those two friends is stunning and wow I might be attracted to her but we are friends so I don’t want to kiss her because that’s weird but also maybe if she was down?
• At 20, I started dating a cishet man. He is not feminine like my first boyfriend, but he is not super masc either. His female and nonbinary friends say he has “they/them energy.” He is the first person I really, really want to kiss and have sex with. I was not scared at all to do either of these things.
• At 20, I start to think that the reason I have really struggled with my sexuality is that I am just really afraid of intimacy and romantic feelings as a result of my parents making it very clear that dating was not allowed/very uncomfortable (shameful) to have romantic feelings
• At 21, there is a girl in one of my classes that I really want to talk to but get nervous and don’t. I think we’d get along well and could be friends but also she is very pretty. And openly bisexual. I don’t pursue anything because I am in a relationship. We don’t even become friends.
• At 22, I graduate college without kissing any girls. I am an awkwardly nerdy girl who did not partake in any of the typical college promiscuity before getting into a relationship. My cishet boyfriend is the only guy I kiss in college. I am disappointed and confused about my sexuality. Since I didn’t know I was attracted to men until becoming physically intimate with one, I wonder if I have to do the same with women to be sure if I’m attracted to them or not.
• At 23, I tell my boyfriend that I want to know if I’m bisexual but I feel like I have to kiss a girl to find out. He tells me that he is okay with my kissing a girl just to find out. I can’t do this because I will still feel like I’m cheating. I also tell my bf “well, I can’t just kiss any girl. It has to be one I’m attracted to.” I am easily able to determine which women in my life would qualify as a good test kisser for this
• At 24, I move in with my bf and feel super free to be myself. I become open about women I think are hot and characters I used to be really invested in (ex: Meg from Disney’s Hercules)
• At 25, I’ve considered trying the bisexual label but it just never feels right. I say I’m straight, but would be open to experiences with women if I found myself interested in that opportunity
• At 25, I spend so much time wondering if I’m bisexual. My internal thoughts are like: Maybe I think I’m into women/am forcing myself to be into women because all my friends are bisexual and I subconsciously want to fit in. One of my bisexual friends is very adamant than everyone is a little gay, so maybe that’s just in my head. Maybe I’m so enamored by beautiful women because I want to be them. I’ve never fantasized about sex with women, but I fantasized about sex with men until I did it for the first time either. One of my other bisexual friends thinks it doesn’t make sense for me to think I could be bisexual when I haven’t ever kissed a girl. I am still dating that cishet man and he is still cool with me kissing a girl one time but I just can’t do it because of my own morals. I have never felt like I had the same kind of crush that I have had on boys on any girls. When I go out, I’m always trying to appeal to the male gaze but I’ve never tried go get women’s attention. Does that matter?? Why is this so hard??

TL;DR - some things that have happened in my life feel not 100% straight, but are they gay enough to make me bisexual? I don’t feel confident in identifying as bisexual because I’ve never had any physical experiences with women. Are these “not 100% straight” experiences enough to identify as bisexual?

Hello all! I’m Eman Omar and I’m a reporter for Women’s eNews where I’m covering the Equal Rights Amendment. Currently the US Constitution states “All Men Are Created Equal,” but makes no mention of women in the constitution and trans people. Having the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) enshrined in the constitution would ensure that people are not discriminated based on their sex.
I would love to speak with trans folks in the United States who have been discriminated on the basis of their gender identity by the health care system or the workplace.
Feel free to comment or message me if you have experienced any discrimination as a trans person in the USA.
Thank you!

Because home is wherever my favorite person is I have come to find and I don't really have one of those right now. So no matter where I find myself no matter how new and different it seems, that I feel a bit lost and my home isn't quite satisfying or comfortable enough for me.
So I go for a lot of walks and I talk to a lot of people and I hope one day I will find a woman who never shuts up like I do and genuinely wants to ramble on for hours about anything with me.
I am very chatty and hyper and open. Some people would call it over sharing but I simply call it being honest about what I am thinking. I am highly empathetic and can tell how someone feels long before they ever tell me and you won't find many men more emotionally intelligent than me.
But I will leave you giant walls of text and I love getting more of them back and if you don't talk much then I'll probably lose interest honestly. Personality is what I find sexy and while I can not say looks don't matter at all, I am not asking for a model.
Just someone real, and honest, and open. Someone who has been through a lot in life like me and just wants some peace for a change.
I always thought I would make a cool ass dad too so if you're child free we can be friends, but I want children one day and it is a deal breaker for something long term.
Which is all I am interested in. A real, heartfelt relationship that lasts. I don't care for flings or relationships based only on sex. I am very intimate and very much enjoy the sexual side of a relationship, but it is far from the biggest reason I want someone in my life.
I want a real companion and best friend first who just so happens to let me touch her butt too.
I live a simple life and work as a host and a waiter for a living so I basically talk for a living. So I would hope I am decent for one by now.
So if you like the sound of a tall white guy with freckles and an infectious smile, who smokes a bit of weed and loves a good joke as much as he does a dark, serious story, and who is supremely loyal and caring, then we would get along.
I don't think I am amazingly handsome but I wouldn't call myself ugly either and I am in decent shape too because I walk at least 15 miles a day. More if I work and love to get out and do things.
Also I can cook for too so you may as well just already make me your boyfriend.
I'm not in a rush though. I'm just new around here and want to see what my luck is like on here.
Have a lovely day either way.

Hi friends — need your thoughts on this situation:
Inconsistent communication since I (31F) told him (27M) to stop dating and even after now that I show interest again (though he responds pretty quick to my texts, within 1-2hrs)
We dated a year ago, met through mutual friends. We had 3 good dates, got physically intimated (though no sex because I told him I wasn’t ready). Our communication was good and consistent, he initiated and texted me almost every single day and in between dates.
However at the end of our 3rd date, I told him to stop dating since I went through a personal matter and I wasn’t ready to date anyone at that point. He agreed and told me to let him know if I ever wanted to date again in the future. We then still kept in touch on social media and hung out several times over dinner, casually as friends.
Our communication since then became very casually, as expected, since we stopped dating. However, now as that personal matter was resolved, I’m ready to date again as I’m looking for a long term relationship.
I asked to meet him last week and told him that I’m looking to date seriously again and asked what’s he looking for. He said he was also looking for a long term relationship but he hasn’t met anyone that he wanted to commit yet.
During that conversation, I told him I liked him and then asked him what were his thoughts about our connection. He said he’s in a middle stage, not yet wanted to commit as he’s still unsure about me since he doesn’t know much about me, and also had other priorities like friends, career,…
He then said sometimes he likes me more, sometimes he likes me less (I asked why so, he said it’s not because of me doing something wrong, it’s just because of his own emotion and other things happened around him). He said when we meet, the connection was good, but he still needs to get to know more about me to commit.
After that conversation last week, I thought our communication would improve (as he said he’s also looking for something serious and needs to get to know me more) but it’s actually not. Our communication is still very inconsistent: He didn’t initiate to text, to meet, and has been silent throughout the week (I also didn’t initiate since I was the one that reached out most recently).
Like, if he said he needs to get to know me more, why he didn’t initiate the text or meetup to understand me more? (He still watched my stories and likes my posts on social media)
(I didn’t ask him to date again explicitly but I assume he would get the hint as I asked him about his dating goals and his feelings about our connection?)
Does it mean he isn’t taking me seriously and looking for other options? Or he wanted me to show more interest in him and waiting for me to take initiative this time since I was the one who asked to stop last year and he wasn’t sure if I actually liked him?
But whenever I reached out, he responded pretty quick (within 1-2hrs). However he didn’t initiate the text much unless it’s to schedule to meet and logistics.
Few more details: - A month ago he reached out and asked to have dinner. After this, he kissed me and we got intimated. He asked if I missed him as he said he missed everything about me. - Two weeks after that he reached out and asked to hang out on Friday night. We had a good time and as we got back to his place, we got intimated. He asked me if I liked him and he said he thought we could be a good match.
However after these meetups, our communication is still very casual and sporadically. So I’m so confused about his intentions here.
Tl;dr: we dated a year ago (had 3 dates) but then I told him to stop dating due to a personal matter. Now that matter was resolved and I’m ready to date again. Last week I asked to meet him over coffee and have an open conversation. I told him I wanted to date seriously and asked about his feelings, his goals,… I told him I liked him and wanted to see if this could progress to something long term. He said even though the connection we have so far is good, he’s still unsure about me and will need to get to know me more to see if he wants to commit. He said he hasn’t met anyone that he wanted to commit. However after that conversation last week, our communication is still very inconsistent, he doesn’t initiate the text, the meetup (but responds to my texts pretty quickly within 1-2hrs). So I’m confused and not sure if he’s serious about me, or he’s waiting for me to take more initiative since I was the one that told him to stop dating a year ago

Hello folks,
I began flight school early this month for an EASA ATPL(A) course. I already have access to all school platforms and have attended some classes already.
However, by the end of the week we did a psychological assessment (personality test) for the school peer-to-peer programme. They said no one will be excluded.
The form contained more than 400 questions and contained very interesting ones.

• Do you like children?
• Are you satisfied with your sexual life?
• Do you believe in the afterlife?
• Are you a religion fanatic?
• Are you desperate for sex?
• Did you ever abuse someone in a seuxal away?

Of course, I'm totally sane and answered most of the form with "No".
This begs the question, should I be worried or nothing will happen and I will continue my training?

Im so sorry for a long post but I just don't know where else to get this off my chest.. For years i've harbored so many thoughts and bad memories, seen so much hatred in the LGBT community and felt so disconnected from everyone, I genuinely feel like there is no path for me to take, and no future where i'll ever be happy. I wake up everyday and hate the fact i've told my family about my sexual orientation, I hate the overzealous, flamboyant gay media icons representing the community and twisting everyone's perception on how and what a gay person should be like. I hate being associated with the LGBT movement when anyone discovers i'm into men. I hate developing romantic and sexual feelings for guys i will never have a chance with. I fucking hate the fact that this is something a part of me that will never change no matter how hard i try, and i loathe myself every night knowing I never experienced the teen love and first romances that every straight couple in school had. But when it comes to the gay community, it just seems the entire culture is just about quick hookups and sex based relationships. It's absurd how easy it is to get sucked into the void of grooming and need for validation in the more mature side of the community, but This isn't at all what i want. The past 5 years i've been single, aside from a few sexual encounters because i wanted time to reflect on my identity and work on myself as a person (gym, making an income). But whenever i would see a straight couple in public, I can't help but be reminded of how toxic the LGBT community is, and will never experience the feeling of being desired romantically by someone for something other than sex. I daydream so often about different types of dates i would take my partner on, the interests and hobbies i would show them, the meals and treats i would want to cook when they feeling sick or down..To be there for them when they reach low points in life. I just don't understand why it's so difficult to find a person who would reciprocate the love Id give them. And this feeling of isolation, enviousness, and self hatred combined with drinking and smoking weed every night has driven me into suicidal tendencies which are unfortunately not new to me.
Since i've been a little kid, i had somewhat known i was different becuase I would find myself having a lot more.. interest in men's physiques on magazines and different websites due to unrestricted internet access many of us unfortunately had at such a young age. In middle school was when I started discovering my sexuality and identity as a whole. And for some god forsaken reason i thought it best to come out as gay, which word had eventually spread throughout school. looking back now, I was probably in the most confused point in my life. Shortly after, one of my best friends at the time had found out i had a crush on him, which once he confronted me he gave the typical straight guy "Ew what the fuck?" response. From then on he never talked to me again, which started the downward spiral into body dysmorphia and self hatred i'm sure all of us are familiar with. It was then I started mingling online with people who considered themselves part of the LGBT community in order to try and find people to help guide me in a sense. This would come to be one of my biggest regrets.
High school might have been the worst part of my life. I would, once again, lose my best friend after finding out i liked him. At this point too, i'd already spiraled into depression and feelings of isolation. It was then that i started talking to someone online that i met through some connections, and led to a mostly online relationship. We "dated" for nearly a year which was not much more than exchanging love messages and sending pictures to eachother. Yet the betrayal and abuse he would incite not only on me, but other people within our online circle led to everyone understandably hating and distrusting him. But i was so desperate for a relationship that i was blinded by illusion of love, and even though everyone tried to advise me to leave and stop talking to him i would just refuse. from talking to other guys behind my back to breaking up other people's relationships for his own amusement, i was stupid and desperate enough to love him through all of it. Eventually we would meet up. And i'd thought to myself that this was the happiest moment of my life, finally being able to meet the person i'd been in love with.. We even exchanged a kiss that night. But the morning after i would come to find pictures another guy in our circle sent to me of him getting f*cked by the same person i fell in love with. And in that moment, deep down i don't think i had ever felt lonelier and helpless in my entire life. In Junior year i switched to another high school. And I thought to myself that maybe I would have somewhat of a clean slate here. I would lie and tell everyone i was straight, make up fake scenarios of past girlfriends, and trying my best to make everyone think i was straight.
My entire fucking life has just been about questioning my sexuality and existence. And Ever since this ordeal, everything has been a blur. I've no close friends to talk to any of this about. I feel so disconnected from my family which is an entire fucking can of worms on its own, and out of pure fucking unluck the only friend i do talk to, i've developed a crush on. He knows nothing of my sexual orientation and should he find out, i'm so scared to lose the last remaining person in my life who i can call a friend. I feel unworthy of life, and life is not worth living
I'm just gonna cut this short before it gets too long..

Q: I am Christian, but I'm not Juxtapositionist. Why should I be one?
A: Juxtapositionism is a socially traditional but fiscally communist ideology. This is in line with the Bible. As described in Revelation 13:16-17, money buys everything; those who do not have money cannot buy anything. This could be conceived as classism, where the upper-class controls most of the money to buy pleasures, which are typically bodily and not of the Spirit. In the context of when Revelation was written, in the Ancient Roman Empire, Christians were often poor and oppressed by the richer, which makes sense of why Revelation seems to be against monetary idols¹. Money leads to inequality.
Money is a false idol that many erroneously place before God, and as 1 Timothy 6:8-10 describes, greed is the root of all evil and the fact that we are content with our basic necessities. Money is likely a metaphor for greed in those verses, which would make sense considering that all heinous crimes are committed because of the love of pleasures (such as theft, rape, etc.) Money leads to sin, corruption and inequality.
Hence, apropos of the points above, money inevitably leads to greed, sin, corruption, and inequality. Juxtapositionism and Communism want to eradicate evils, so we rid of money. Christianity and Juxtapositionism have a common thought; all persons are equal.
However, we support traditionally social practices because the Bible's teachings. Genesis 1:27 corroborates the idea that there are only two genders. Genesis 2:18-22 supports the idea of heterosexual marriage, not homosexual marriage (which is affirmed by the Catholic Orthodox and Roman Catholic Church). Blatantly, this does not correspond to socially liberal ideas, in which gay marriage is possible or that there are many genders.
Q: I am not Christian and I'm not Juxtapositionist. Why should I be a Juxtapositionist?
A: Inequality and being mandated to work jobs one is uninterested in pursuing is immoral, no matter what way you spin it. Juxtapositionism supposes a solution to that problem: allowing one to pursue their dreams and allowing all to be equal.
One might attempt to counter this by explaining that some will not work at all and simply entertain themselves through other methods, since there is no money, there is no rent to pay. However, ask yourself, which one of you as a child has never had aspirations to have a certain job, invent something, or fix a problem? None, most would say. Exactly; if we kindle that emotion to do something in the world, we will have inventors, geniuses, savants, and engineers with sufficient education. Most people would work their favored job for free if they didn't have to worry about rent or debts.
As discussed in the previous question, money causes inequality because of classism issues and discrepancies.
And, what about the unwanted jobs, like working in coal mines? Well, there are a few solutions. Here are three. One is that we could have voluntary and transient tasks that some citizens could choose to do, like work as a trashman, or work temporarily in a mine. Another would be that we could eliminate all unnecessary blue-collar through robotics. Garbage collecting could likely be replaced by A.I., considering that the job does not take much thought or consideration. The same could happen with working in coal mines.
The ultimate solution would be to eliminate the need for the solutions altogether: instead of mining coal to get energy, we could switch to electricity; instead of setting garbage outside to be collected, we could make the people drive to a facility to manually dispose of the garbage themselves. It's the simple solutions like these that make Juxtapositionism great.
Alright, but I've provided a defense for Communism so far, not for Juxtapositionism. Why socially traditional? Well, in short, here's a couple defenses of social traditionalism: marriage is the union of a couple looking to later reproduce and have progenies. There is no other reason to get married other than for that reason, to affirm the fact that the couple are parents of a child united by love². Another defense is of abortion: abortion serves no purpose but to relieve the discomfort felt by the mother because of the consequence of their choice to have sex, while they were unprepared to be a mother herself. And about rape, that does not justify the killing of the majority cases of fetuses; that is a part-to-whole fallacy. Just because some women get raped, that does not justify abortion for the rest of the women who chose to have sex on purpose.
Not to mention, if a woman is raped, the one who inflicts the pain should be punished, not the innocent child who gets killed. And for those who say that the fetus is not alive yet or doesn't feel pain, that's not the point. Would it be moral to kill someone if they didn't feel pain? Well, no. Why? If you kill someone, that takes away their future opportunities to commit or experience good in the future. It'd be immoral to purposely take away one's future just because you feel like it. And don't say, "well that child could have just been as easily the next Hitler." That doesn't matter. Have not you noticed that it's still a crime to murder whether you murder a good or a bad person?
Finally, one might say, "well the mother might have given the fetus a bad life, and thus the fetus was lucky to have not been born." If that child was born, they might have had a chance to get out of poverty, a bad life, and redeem themselves. If that child was never born, they would never have such a chance or a possibly happy life. Would you rather the child have the possibility of having a happy life or have no possibility of living at all?
Using game theory, where the child being aborted is +0, the child dying in bad conditions being -1, and the child escaping bad conditions being +1, in order for the child to maximize opportunity and good, it would be more advantageous to not be aborted to at least have a chance to maximize opportunity.
Footnotes:

1. https://www.idunn.no/doi/10.18261/issn.1893-0271-2019-04-04 : "Most Christians of the pre-Constantine era were themselves poor, from among that 70% at the bottom of the social pyramid."
   
2. https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage : "Marriage's primary purpose was to bind women to men, and thus guarantee that a man's children were truly his biological heirs."
   

My husband is a sweet, and kindhearted man. He likes to fix things, he’s gentle, and he’s always got the best intentions.
However, we got married in November & it’s been so downhill. He said he was getting depressed and lonely with his stay at home job, so he wanted a cat. I have to take Claritin-D daily to manage my allergies, but I agreed because of how excited he finally seemed about something. He agreed to vacuum everyday to help me manage my allergies & he said he understood how much work a kitten takes.
Long story short, he does empty their auto litter box 1x a week… but that’s about it. He has vacuumed maybe 1x since November, and only because I asked. I wake up at 7am every morning to give the cats soup (when he is already up for work at 7… so I said he can just give it bc he’s up already vs me being woken up by the kitten yeowling, and he agreed, but only does it when I hound him. He doesn’t play with them unless I nag either.
I’ve gone back to work as a flight attendant, and I’m just so sick of coming home to dirty dishes in the sink, a dirty floor, cats with dirty faces that need to be groomed and played with, no food in the fridge for me, etc.. He claims he does all the laundry, but throwing them into the washedryer and LEAVING THEM for a week until we have another basket full of laundry doesn’t count….
When he went on a weeklong fishing trip in Mexico, he came home to dinner being made, floor were clean, bed was made, & I even set up a massage table with oils and gave him a full body massage. I warmed up his towel as he washed up in the shower, unpacked his suitcase for him entirely, and did a new load of laundry (the rest was already done before he returned). I took out the trash, cut up all the boxes to be recycled, pulled weeds in the backyard, etc..
I’ve tried the conversations and communicating. I’ve tried leading by example. I’ve tried reminding him. I’ve tried nagging, getting angry, etc..
I’m just feeling hurt, hopeless, and unloved. He literally just feels like a roommate… but a bad one LOL.
I asked him if this is just him now, and if I need to just accept that this is who he is and how he will be the rest of our lives, or if this is some sort of slump.
He claims he’s in a slump because he is unhappy with his job. I told him he can change jobs (even if it pays less) or find a hobby (even if it’s expensive). He is just unmotivated to make any actual change.
I am truly, genuinely struggling in this marriage. We don’t have sex unless I practically beg him after a week of waiting for him to initiate, I feel like I do all the housework (except the litter), and I just feel overall unappreciated and annoyed that he understands this is not okay, but continues not to make any changes. He’ll just say he forgets, or sorry I’ll do better, but doesn’t.
A lot of my anger stems from dumping my ex that was the same way. I’ve done all the convos, blah blah blah, and I ended up dumping him. I was so much happier single, and I’m scared that this is 100% where this is heading.
He has been adding NOTHING to my life. He doesn’t ever compliment me, he doesn’t check on me even when I’m traveling for work, he doesn’t touch me unless I initiate, he hasn’t planned any dates since November, he doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, he doesn’t take care of the cats, etc..
Right now, he is not a husband. He’s just an annoying blob of a person & my resentment and hopelessness is building.

I’ve (25F) been speaking to this coworker (28M) of mine more on than off since January. Towards the start, he revealed a previous drug addiction and I didn’t expect for him to open up about that kind of topic so soon into our talking, so I was a little hesitant on what to say so I tried to make a joke (My humor is more witty/sardonic/dark) and I said with a giggle and what not “Well hey, you’re not a crackhead anymore….” He didn’t even do crack, so it was stupid to say. I was in the middle of a 12 hr night shift as well so my brain gets foggy and it seems like my favorite thing to do is put my foot in my mouth smh. He laughed about it though, but after the shift, he said he took it personal and if it were anyone else, they might take it a direct attack on their character. I apologized profusely and I told him in no way was I trying to attack his character or trying to be insensitive to his addiction. He is three years sober as well, so that’s a huge feat!
The next occurrence was the second week of us talking, the previous one was the first. So this occurrence was thru the phone. There had already been a couple women he had been interested/had sex with a few months before we started talking. The other girl was 21 and pretty toxic. The other one just decided that she didn’t want to be around if the 21 yo was going to bring toxicity to the workplace. They both ended up quitting either way and he switched to overnights, whereas he had been working early afternoon to evenings. Anyway, with the two previous women in mind, he had to go the bathroom AT WORK and when he was gone, he was still texting me. I teased him about texting on his phone while he was peeing and he had replied back with “Maybee… 👀” So he is being playful as well and idk what else he said, but I said something along the lines of “Well I wouldn’t know if you actually are or not… I can’t ask for a picture 😂” Damn I can’t remember what he said but it was something along the lines of “maybe I could”or something like that. I clammed up in true ME fashion and got a little anxiety. I told him that I wasn’t that type of girl and it was giving off “player vibes.” I was disgruntled he would be willing to send a pic that fast when I was just joking about it. It just felt too soon for me? We hadn’t spoken about sex and I was trying to keep it that way until I got to know him more on personal level. Anyway, flash forward to now, we’ve still been talking. There are a couple of other instances where he was in the wrong or I was in the wrong and we compromised or we didn’t even talk about it after it happened. It sometimes feels like I’m walking on eggshells and anything I say sometimes might be taken the wrong way.
Theres another instance where he took my actual teasing in a way I didn’t expect. Backstory is a few weeks ago, he planned a float trip with me and 8/9 other coworkers after I invited him too late to a gathering involving some people I don’t know if he would even be cool with. I wanted to ask him all day, but he’s usually really busy and I had already brought up going out with friends to him during a phone call in the morning and he didn’t sound interested. Here’s another kicker. We are only FWB and not even exclusive at that, so I felt like it might be pushing a boundary to invite him and to seem like a couple, since he’s the one who has said he just wants a friendship right now. There’s been no exclusivity set, I have just hoped it is, because I haven’t had any issues and he has said he only has sex with 1 person at a time. ANYWAY, he was upset with me because I didn’t ask him, but meanwhile he was actually at a baseball game when I invited him. The plans were at 11 pm and I texted him at 8 pm just to see if he would like to come out. He didn’t answer until 1030, said he had plans and the last minute invite was hurtful. I apologized and tried to make it up to him. Told him to leave his next Friday open for me and tried to make sure he knew I had wanted to, I just didn’t want to cross boundaries. He just read it and never responded. We talked about it later on and tbh the situation paired with some jealousy over another coworker speaking/flirting with me led to him ending our FWB. He said it was becoming too much for him and he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to be my man, because his actions have seemed to not be going along with his own words on what he wants. So we ended and were amicable. For the float trip that would happen in a couple months, I was really sad about it, bc I kind of did want to go, but I overthink a lot and started thinking about how if I did go, him and I would probably rekindle and since he doesn’t know what he wants, it’s probably not a good idea, but then at the same time, I did still want to go just to have fun since I’d never been on a float trip before. My best friend agreed that I should just decline the invitation, so I went into the group chat and said “I actually have a camping trip that weekend, so I can’t go! Have fun yall! 🤍” and then just left the chat. I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. He says after I said that though, people declined… and what irritates me is that they are all their own person and a couple of them had already said they would be able to make it that weekend, but after I said it, barely anyone responded anymore and then someone who had agreed to come changed their mind. He felt that I canceled plans out of spite when I was just trying to protect my peace, knowing it probably would not go well. NOTE: The coworker he was jealous of was invited to the trip as well. I just felt like it was the smartest decision.
Anyway we rekindled the same week he ended it and have been talking since then. I know :/
Yesterday at his place, I was wearing something yesterday where he couldn’t keep his eyes off me, so I made the teasing comment “See? Now imagine if I had gone on that float trip… in a bikini… you’re drunk, I’m drunk…all of our coworkers would know by then 😅” and he just smiled and “You’re right… maybe we should plan a float trip with just you and me” and he got closer to me. Flash forward a couple hours later, he does the same thing where he just couldn’t quit touching me or kissing on me and so my dumbass brought it up again. I just said “Whoo, I really am glad I canceled on that, you CANNOT keeps your hands off me 😂” It was me teasing. He looked at me with a serious expression and said “You just had to say that, you just had to rub it in.” He took a deep breath and just walked away and went into the bathroom for a couple minutes. I felt super uncomfortable. When he came back out and we talked about it, but in completely honesty, I explained why I did what I did and apologized for saying what I said. He thinks I cancelled out of spite. It just felt like no matter what I said, he couldn’t come to a compromise or him understanding my perspective. Afterwards, I asked for total vulnerability from him with the promise to return it. The vulnerability didn’t feel too vulnerable, because he wouldn’t look at me and still seemed a little on the offensive. Towards the end, I asked him if he would like to go on a trip with me and he just said point blank “No.” I just… I had no words. I told him it was just a thought and he claimed he just has too much going on now to even go on a float trip, but… he’ll think about it. (He’s having expensive car issues)
Anyway, we just sat there watching a movie for a bit and I felt disconnected from him. I just felt like I didn’t know what to do and I don’t usually feel that way in relationships. I came out of a 4 month relationship awhile before him and we didn’t have any problems really, as well as it ending amicably. Before that, I was in a 9 year relationship starting from high school. The night went by fine after that, actually great tbh. It wasn’t until I was about to leave that he was sharing a story from his past about a police officer being too rough with him after he and a couple others when he was 18 would throws rocks at moving cars and what not. He told me he was running as fast as he could to get away, but the cop who caught him was too rough and he wanted to speak with the supervisor about pressing charges. The cop supervisor gave him tough love advice and told him things along the lines of that he should have thought of that before throwing rocks and vandalizing cars. The cop supe continued to tell him that basically the cop would get away with it anyway bc cop was white and the guy I’m with is a dark Hispanic. I’m still reeling from the blatant arrogance from the cop supervisor using race and I said “Is he wrong though?” because deep down, that is most likely what would have happened. Lo and behold though, HE THOUGHT I was talking about him deserving what he got for vandalizing cars when I was more focused on how the cops treated him and how they responded to his complaint. He immediately got up and said that “I was something else.” I actually teared up and just felt like leaving. Within a couple of minutes, he came back and told me that from his POV, he wished I had been more sympathetic and said that I was sorry it happened first rather than “Is he wrong though?” He said it was all good now, but for the record, he was not done with the story and I was most certainly going to say that I was sorry it happened and give him a hug afterwards. When I left, he gave me a hug and kiss goodbye, but deep down, I’m starting to wonder if I really am insensitive af, he’s highly sensitive, or he would rather misunderstand me than actually want to understand my thought process.

Am I 25F too insensitive or is he 28M too sensitive?
I’ve (25F) been speaking to this coworker (28M) of mine more on than off since January. Towards the start, he revealed a previous drug addiction and I didn’t expect for him to open up about that kind of topic so soon into our talking, so I was a little hesitant on what to say so I tried to make a joke (My humor is more witty/sardonic/dark) and I said with a giggle and what not “Well hey, you’re not a crackhead anymore….” He didn’t even do crack, so it was stupid to say. I was in the middle of a 12 hr night shift as well so my brain gets foggy and it seems like my favorite thing to do is put my foot in my mouth smh. He laughed about it though, but after the shift, he said he took it personal and if it were anyone else, they might take it a direct attack on their character. I apologized profusely and I told him in no way was I trying to attack his character or trying to be insensitive to his addiction. He is three years sober as well, so that’s a huge feat!
The next occurrence was the second week of us talking, the previous one was the first. So this occurrence was thru the phone. There had already been a couple women he had been interested/had sex with a few months before we started talking. The other girl was 21 and pretty toxic. The other one just decided that she didn’t want to be around if the 21 yo was going to bring toxicity to the workplace. They both ended up quitting either way and he switched to overnights, whereas he had been working early afternoon to evenings. Anyway, with the two previous women in mind, he had to go the bathroom AT WORK and when he was gone, he was still texting me. I teased him about texting on his phone while he was peeing and he had replied back with “Maybee… 👀” So he is being playful as well and idk what else he said, but I said something along the lines of “Well I wouldn’t know if you actually are or not… I can’t ask for a picture 😂” Damn I can’t remember what he said but it was something along the lines of “maybe I could”or something like that. I clammed up in true ME fashion and got a little anxiety. I told him that I wasn’t that type of girl and it was giving off “player vibes.” I was disgruntled he would be willing to send a pic that fast when I was just joking about it. It just felt too soon for me? We hadn’t spoken about sex and I was trying to keep it that way until I got to know him more on personal level. Anyway, flash forward to now, we’ve still been talking. There are a couple of other instances where he was in the wrong or I was in the wrong and we compromised or we didn’t even talk about it after it happened. It sometimes feels like I’m walking on eggshells and anything I say sometimes might be taken the wrong way.
Theres another instance where he took my actual teasing in a way I didn’t expect. Backstory is a few weeks ago, he planned a float trip with me and 8/9 other coworkers after I invited him too late to a gathering involving some people I don’t know if he would even be cool with. I wanted to ask him all day, but he’s usually really busy and I had already brought up going out with friends to him during a phone call in the morning and he didn’t sound interested. Here’s another kicker. We are only FWB and not even exclusive at that, so I felt like it might be pushing a boundary to invite him and to seem like a couple, since he’s the one who has said he just wants a friendship right now. There’s been no exclusivity set, I have just hoped it is, because I haven’t had any issues and he has said he only has sex with 1 person at a time. ANYWAY, he was upset with me because I didn’t ask him, but meanwhile he was actually at a baseball game when I invited him. The plans were at 11 pm and I texted him at 8 pm just to see if he would like to come out. He didn’t answer until 1030, said he had plans and the last minute invite was hurtful. I apologized and tried to make it up to him. Told him to leave his next Friday open for me and tried to make sure he knew I had wanted to, I just didn’t want to cross boundaries. He just read it and never responded. We talked about it later on and tbh the situation paired with some jealousy over another coworker speaking/flirting with me led to him ending our FWB. He said it was becoming too much for him and he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to be my man, because his actions have seemed to not be going along with his own words on what he wants. So we ended and were amicable. For the float trip that would happen in a couple months, I was really sad about it, bc I kind of did want to go, but I overthink a lot and started thinking about how if I did go, him and I would probably rekindle and since he doesn’t know what he wants, it’s probably not a good idea, but then at the same time, I did still want to go just to have fun since I’d never been on a float trip before. My best friend agreed that I should just decline the invitation, so I went into the group chat and said “I actually have a camping trip that weekend, so I can’t go! Have fun yall! 🤍” and then just left the chat. I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. He says after I said that though, people declined… and what irritates me is that they are all their own person and a couple of them had already said they would be able to make it that weekend, but after I said it, barely anyone responded anymore and then someone who had agreed to come changed their mind. He felt that I canceled plans out of spite when I was just trying to protect my peace, knowing it probably would not go well. NOTE: The coworker he was jealous of was invited to the trip as well. I just felt like it was the smartest decision.
Anyway we rekindled the same week he ended it and have been talking since then. I know :/
Yesterday at his place, I was wearing something yesterday where he couldn’t keep his eyes off me, so I made the teasing comment “See? Now imagine if I had gone on that float trip… in a bikini… you’re drunk, I’m drunk…all of our coworkers would know by then 😅” and he just smiled and “You’re right… maybe we should plan a float trip with just you and me” and he got closer to me. Flash forward a couple hours later, he does the same thing where he just couldn’t quit touching me or kissing on me and so my dumbass brought it up again. I just said “Whoo, I really am glad I canceled on that, you CANNOT keeps your hands off me 😂” It was me teasing. He looked at me with a serious expression and said “You just had to say that, you just had to rub it in.” He took a deep breath and just walked away and went into the bathroom for a couple minutes. I felt super uncomfortable. When he came back out and we talked about it, but in completely honesty, I explained why I did what I did and apologized for saying what I said. He thinks I cancelled out of spite. It just felt like no matter what I said, he couldn’t come to a compromise or him understanding my perspective. Afterwards, I asked for total vulnerability from him with the promise to return it. The vulnerability didn’t feel too vulnerable, because he wouldn’t look at me and still seemed a little on the offensive. Towards the end, I asked him if he would like to go on a trip with me and he just said point blank “No.” I just… I had no words. I told him it was just a thought and he claimed he just has too much going on now to even go on a float trip, but… he’ll think about it. (He’s having expensive car issues)
Anyway, we just sat there watching a movie for a bit and I felt disconnected from him. I just felt like I didn’t know what to do and I don’t usually feel that way in relationships. I came out of a 4 month relationship awhile before him and we didn’t have any problems really, as well as it ending amicably. Before that, I was in a 9 year relationship starting from high school. The night went by fine after that, actually great tbh. It wasn’t until I was about to leave that he was sharing a story from his past about a police officer being too rough with him after he and a couple others when he was 18 would throws rocks at moving cars and what not. He told me he was running as fast as he could to get away, but the cop who caught him was too rough and he wanted to speak with the supervisor about pressing charges. The cop supervisor gave him tough love advice and told him things along the lines of that he should have thought of that before throwing rocks and vandalizing cars. The cop supe continued to tell him that basically the cop would get away with it anyway bc cop was white and the guy I’m with is a dark Hispanic. I’m still reeling from the blatant arrogance from the cop supervisor using race and I said “Is he wrong though?” because deep down, that is most likely what would have happened. Lo and behold though, HE THOUGHT I was talking about him deserving what he got for vandalizing cars when I was more focused on how the cops treated him and how they responded to his complaint. He immediately got up and said that “I was something else.” I actually teared up and just felt like leaving. Within a couple of minutes, he came back and told me that from his POV, he wished I had been more sympathetic and said that I was sorry it happened first rather than “Is he wrong though?” He said it was all good now, but for the record, he was not done with the story and I was most certainly going to say that I was sorry it happened and give him a hug afterwards. When I left, he gave me a hug and kiss goodbye, but deep down, I’m starting to wonder if I really am insensitive af, he’s highly sensitive, or he would rather misunderstand me than actually want to understand my thought process.

Yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, unbeknownst to my friends and family (other than my brother) I (33M) told my girlfriend (32F) we can no longer be together.
I am from England and now reside Los Angeles California where I work as a waiter (no I don’t want to be an actor I just want to be happy). I am from a working class but new money background who had a good up bringing despite the separation of my mother and father when I was born. I moved to the USA ten years ago to see what else life had to offer. I have always been care-free, happy and, I’d like to think, nice to be around. I have many friends in the UK and here and have an excellent(and fought for) relationships with both sides of my family.
My ex-girlfriend is French Tunisian, Jewish and was schooled in Taiwan, the US French School system and France. She is from a fairly dogmatic Jewish family and her father is an internationally recognised entrepreneur, one of the most successful in France (and no slouch in the US). Her family home is in Bel Air and her family split time between a few different countries.
We have been together for nearly two years after meeting through a shared friend. Our love of dancing, dining and pseudo intellectualism led to a chaotic early relationship where we would argue furiously, but enjoyably, about a myriad of topics and found our vast chasms of differences to be great pools of shared interests. Despite not having been in a relationship since I was left by my girlfriend in 2014 and having dated many women she was the first time I’d felt love in a long time. A feeling I thought might never come back.
As time went on we settled into a rhythm that would occasionally be disturbed by what I can only describe as moments of mania in my partner. She eventually told me she suffers from BPD and has an anxiety disorder. As I grew up with a step-father who suffered from depression who loved my mother and helped raise myself and my brother with dignity and care I knew I could separate the disease from the person and have worked to help her rise to the challenge of her illness. Eventually we reached a point where she realised she needed medicine to fight this battle and sought help and she has emerged the best version of herself.
This all took place as she, a chef, sold her business, struggled with stress induced hair loss, irrational temper, misplaced feelings of betrayal (she once found a pair of underpants that were not my own or hers and accused me of cheating to the point that I started to question what I actually knew to be true. I have never cheated on anyone and never would) and would occasionally act in a way that would reduce me to tears. I have always had an argumentative streak, but I am not aggressive. I once remarked that I had more arguments with my partner in a few months than I’d had in my entire life. This was a difference in upbringing in my mind, I saw rage and love to be separate roads but my partner saw them as natural, converging parts of love and passion (French!) I was willing to believe I could learn to understand those differences and grow. I knew we could overcome these things. I believed I knew.
There were certain differences that were insignificant in the face of love so I learnt to change. I am not keen on public displays of affection or at least her style of it, this is something I tried to change despite my discomfort. She would happily kiss me passionately and furiously and touch me in a way I felt was sometimes…mistimed.I was happy to exchange love, to kiss briefly, to hold her, to be by her side, I did all the things I felt were right, she was never without affection (naturally these things are from my perspective, I would hope she never felt unloved or ‘sexy’). I eventually relented in these hang ups and began to act in public more as she would want, I’m still unsure, due to her unbelievable conviction in her beliefs if this was the first compromise of many in who I was.
She did have hang-ups about her looks, she had been bullied when she was younger and in some small way by her family. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, she was so different from anyone I’d met, the way she moved and danced, the way she sang in French in the shower(she was an incredible talent in many things, spoke 3 languages fluently and understood many others). She did however believe that I, physically, was out of her league and I could never convince her otherwise, I could never give her enough confidence in our aesthetic compatibility and whenever she did see us as equals it was fleeting, quickly replaced by her anxieties about her weight (she had an a world beating physique, a body most women would have to buy).
Now for me.
I have suffered with a lifelong issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and the shame and distress it can cause, including poor treatment by certain women that has worsened my anxiety around sex which I treat with viagra and heavy pot smoking in the evening (I do realise this isn’t exactly ‘doing the work’ but I felt i’d found a structure). My partner helped in my growth in this issue and treated me with care and love bringing me to a point where occasionally I could make love without assistance. This was one of the greatest feelings in my life, to feel respected and loved, to be seen as a man. I felt like I didn’t have to avoid sex anymore. This took a great toll on her and in some ways I think my issues, despite her denial, made her feel unattractive. These issues still persist today and may last the rest of my life, I hope to keep working on them and plan to seek therapy.
This journey, for both of us, was stressful but she started to shine outside of her illness, finding a peace with herself. I should mention that she is a very forceful, powerful and demanding woman, while also being, serene, calm and kind. It is an intoxicating blend and I always found her company wonderful, though occasionally, as my father once put it, it would be like “standing too close to the sun” (I told her about this and we both found it funny. In fact there was very little I wouldn’t share with her, I am honest to a fault).
There are however some caveats that I must be clear about, or as clear as I can understand them. I had a nagging sense that in order to allow my partners ‘light to shine’ so to speak that I must diminish mine (she never asked this of me or implied I must change). This led to my , normally extroverted , personality to start to fade and be replaced with this sometimes timid, sometimes briefly extroverted behaviour, but always with a concerned mind to how I’m behaving, or how she was behaving. I felt, particularly when she had too much to drink , I was concerned about her behaviour, her slight habit of dominating conversations. , sometimes she would go overboard in the way she spoke to other people and I would feel embarrassed (I started to defend these behaviours rather than confront them - another weakness in me not her).
I was frequently unable to stay out late on nights and out and find myself wondering if my partner is okay if she were at home alone, if I should be with her or if I would disrespect her by speaking to other people. I began to actively ignore platonic conversations with women in order to retain some outsized idea of ‘honour’. I suppose I had started to absorb her slight Co-dependency.
Side bar: My partner had come from a myriad of failed previous relationships that involved infidelity on both sides, sexual violence, addiction in her partners, a cancelled marriage in her twenties and various other things I imagine would destroy a lesser person. She has no real friends in the USA and has no girlfriends preferring, from what I understand, the company of her partners male friends. She likes being ‘one of the lads’ so to speak.
This is not the person I saw, nor did a person’s past concern me. I have loved many people in my life who had made mistakes and I judge people by their treatment of me. I suppose a result of a ‘colourful’ upbringing.
Un…side bar?
My partner is a jealous and possessive person, sometimes in jest and occasionally with an air of seriousness, and I am incredibly relaxed and do not experience real jealousy. I once joked that if I came home to find the plumber shagging her I’d ask if he’d like a cup of tea and when he’d be done with the plumbing.
As my partners star rose in our relationship, as she shedded the skins of her past I think I started to pick them up and wear them. I became a sort of low-rent Jesus. A rubbish bargain-bin Jesus. I started to become quieter and more anxious, I began to smoke weed with more frequency and began bottling my problems and hiding behind video games (my first love). Looking back I think this was the onset of my depression.
As a result of these feelings my sexual problems returned and I looked to testosterone therapy to try and change who I was for her. Once again - she did not ask this of me, but my inclination to please her led me to believe I must. Eventually, after some short term successes, (two months or so of a high sex drive and a feeling of real, raw, masculine power, something I’d never felt before) the medication I was taking pushed my oestrogen so high I began to experience huge bouts of anger and sadness, losing my temper quickly and crying with abundance. My drug induced personality changes reached a point where my hair began to fall out, a combination of stress, increased testosterone/an adverse reaction to the medicine. This combination of symptoms resulted in me immediately, after conversation with my partner, stopping the drug.
Since stopping in March my mood started to become more erratic, my feelings of perpetual happiness disappeared leaving thin wisps of who I was before. I lost my hope, my love of life and my feelings of freedom, in who I was and how I felt. In some ways I felt I had become my partner when I met her. Fractious and broken, despairing and resentful, suspicious of my friends.
There was also the issue of the war in Gaza. I never believed a political/cultural issue could drive a wedge between two people who loved each other, mostly because being English boils down to a few interchangeable stereotypes. I am, however, an outspoken and staunch atheist, a lover of Christopher Hitchens, a pacifist and someone who believes people are inherently good. Despite our shared atheism she did not share my positive outlook on humanity and she had very strong, somewhat ‘fundamentalist’ beliefs about Israel and their enemies (her brother was an ex-IDF sniper who, despite this unusual vocation, I liked and enjoyed the company of, we are all products of our environment after all).
I found myself burying my disgust with the ongoing conflict, stifling my beliefs about the war and adjusting my own opinions. I even allowed her father (who would not speak to me other than a ‘hello’) to hang religious symbols in our home. I did this because I wanted her to reforge the fractious relationship she had with her family. I was however, despite these concessions, never truly welcomed by them, particularly her father (family is incredibly important to me) I would always be an outsider regardless of how much I loved her or how well I treated her. Only being Jewish would be enough. This hurt me but I buried it as deep as I could, believing I needed to earn THEIR respect. This was a mistake.
She would sometimes laugh or rejoice in the pain of Gaza’s civilians, there was a blood thirsty element that I couldn’t comprehend fully. I, from what I now understand of American culture, believe it is born of fear - I must destroy them before they destroy me. And I do not deny that both sides are wrong in their, ironically (and historically) similar beliefs and that given an exchange of opinions power Hamas would do as to Israel as Israel is doing to Hamas. I felt I was baited into debates where no ground could be given, I would find myself screaming and angry, our arguments would reach huge, borderline dangerous (never physical) crescendos. She would recover from these quickly. I would feel like a piece of me had been carved off, chipped away.
I suppose at this point I’ve written enough to explain that these buried feelings, these differences, these arguments, my extinguishing personality and my weakened mental state led to me, in a moment and after a small argument surrounding her feelings of anxiety over our relationship led to me snapping.
I told her I could no longer continue the relationship as the road we were taking would lead to assured mutual destruction. Or at least it would lead to my destruction. Or that’s how i felt (this is what I’m trying to reconcile).
I do not know whether I should have asked for more of her, been strong enough to not change (but then would we still be together?) or communicated more honestly about my feelings. I feel like I did everything I could to help her and hurt myself.
I am left a less sure person, a less confident person who cannot remember how to be who he was before. And now I am without the person I loved, despite all our differences, and I feel I have hurt her beyond measure as an act of self preservation. I feel selfish, wounded and victimised. I feel cold to what I have done, I feel distant from who I am and now for the first time I am seeking validation from the faceless snake of the internet. I am concerned I will be judged, I fear people will see through me and tell me I’m weak and wrong. But I need clarity, I need to understand.
I’m sorry for how confused this story is, i’m sorry the timeline is Nolan-like and my grammar variable and inconsistent. I’m sorry I can’t stop saying sorry.
I still love her but I know I have to let her go.
I hope, like Don Henley crooned, ‘it wasn’t really wasted time’

Sorry about my english, so i (21, f) met this girl (23, f) about 3 months ago(online), she is not from the city and just come here like once every 3 months so we talked for about 2 months (text) and we really liked eachother a lot ; then we kinda ended things about 2 weeks ago because she felt like the distance, that she didnt feel ready for a relationship cause some things of her past and she the fact that will not be coming to the city in the next 6 month because her internship in her homeplace could complicate everything, so we left it there, we didnt talk for a week but i felt kinda off cause i didnt get to even met her in person so i texted her and by surprise she was coming to the city that week, i stayed at her apartment one day and one thing led to another and we had sex, she asked me if i came and i told her the true and said no(i usually take so long to come and i didnt want her to get bored, my bad for doing that), she told me that we can keep going but i was so tired and wanted some rest so i told her that i didnt mind that (i genuinely didnt mind) and that i really loved that she enjoyed it, we cuddle, talked, giggle and everything even the next morning. After i got to my uni, she didnt texted me so i waited one day and texted her that i really enjoyed everything (even though i didnt come i really liked the sex and being with her in overall) but then she started apologizing for not making me come (even though i told her to not worry) i explained her everything but she kept saying sorry and told me she was worried about it, after that she sent me a tiktok related about something we talked that night (trying to change topics) and after i replied she ghosted me, she havent texted me in the last 6 days and i dont know why (i dont know if she just sees me as a one night stand or still feels somehow guilty)

After some issues between my bf and I (m32, f28 together 2yrs) we decided poly life isn't for us. We are active in the swinging community still.
We both agreed 3 weeks ago to get off dating sites. I didn't boss him etc. We both talked about it and agreed to not use them.
We are going through a bit and need to work on us.
2 issues have come today
I caught him on Tinder. Didn't mean to look at his screen. I hate being one to snoop. But he was on it and i looked over to him to ask a question and he was on it. I reactivated mine for 5 min to see and he appeared straight away to match with. I deactivated again.
Also Sti check. I found it he was having sex with a girl. For awhile. Without telling me. We've agreed to fyi one another if any partners so this was also against our agreement. Technically it was him that made this up to. I agreed. Ive been firm that despite condoms. Sti checks after partners.
Ive sent him links to get one done online. You pay. You go to the blood place and give them blood and pee sample. And results via email. No drs. He hates drs. And he still hasn't. This was only asked 1.5 weeks ago though.
My 2 questions and kind advice please... Id class being and using dating sites when we have both agreed no more poly life- that's Technically cheating?
How long before you nag for sti checks? I might not put out until it's done tbh. I got one myself just because hes been with another Person. He said he used protection with her but with the fact he didn't even tell me about her for ages. Im questioning if he is telling the truth or not now.
I will hugely stress he is the one who wanted to pause poly life and i fully agree. Im personally not in a good head space at the moment and we both have to work on us. So hes the one that started this but it's still on dating sites
How would you address this? Like bring it up to him.

I’m dealing with a guy who I didn’t know was abusive he had hinted to me throughout the years that he was a violent person, but I never believed him because I never perceived him or experienced him in that light and I’m just now starting to realize that my selfishness was going to lead me into something really bad because I did not want to believe that he is an abusive person.
When we stop dealing with each other, he got a girlfriend broke up with her, started hooking up with her and eventually got her pregnant situation happened, and she reported him for abuse I didn’t realize until later on way down the line line that the situation was much more deeper than what I was perceiving it to be
Now that I got a full understanding of what happened I no longer want to involve myself with this person romantically knowing what he’s capable of I don’t think I’m any special or any different from this girl
In the past, I wanted to be with him and he didn’t want to be with me all of a sudden now he wants to be with me and I feel like he only wants to be with me because he wants to offload his responsibility as a single parent to raise his kid and I don’t really care to raise a child that is not my own unless I adopt my own child.
Eight years worth of relationship and I felt like I was lying to myself about this person because he was telling me who he was from the start, but because I was just so desperate for a friendship I was so desperate for a relationship I decided to believe what I wanted to believe and I don’t know how to feel right now. I’m very emotional about it because I felt like I could have seriously put myself in a situation that would have been detrimental to my future.
I don’t wanna be with this person romantically but I’m scared to let them know that simply because I’m scared of rejection although I’m the one that’s rejecting him but I’m scared of losing a friend and I’m scared of him like getting mad at me we’re supposed to be going on a vacation at the end of this month and it is expected of us to have sex because it was more so of a baecation and now I’m kind of rethinking the entire thing. I decided I’m going to pretend that I’m on my period for the entire entire vacation so I can avoid having sex with him because I don’t want that person inside my body and I don’t want to be energetically connected to that person anymore because I am on a journey of healing and really just outgoing the things that no longer serve me and I’m seriously hoping that I can Successfully go on this trip and make it out a better person than I was going in.
He is in denial about what he did to his girlfriend and I had to tell him that the situation that took place was indeed a fight. It was indeed a domestic violence situation, and I don’t know how I really feel about him anymore and when I said that to him, he got really upset with me . He got frustrated and yell and hung up the phone on me.
This behavior from him is not new to me however, it was a new experience as it pertains to experiencing what was going on and looking at it from a real lens and seeing the situation for what he is and that he’s just an abusive person .
I don’t feel like allowing that person inside my body because I don’t want to continue to stamp my future with him . Plus, I don’t want to be the stepmother of his child. I feel like his child is the consequences of his action and I think it’s really weird how the child was conceived he violated the girl physically the girl also put her hands on him from what I understood, however they were in a fight and then following months they didn’t speak to each other and then when they finally decided to cut things and Close the chapter they ended up having sex and a child was conceived and I don’t want to be in the middle of that messiness. I just think it’s very tacky and I only think he wants to be with me just so I can be the step parent of his child.
TL:DR friend of 8 years on and off relationship. Just now realizing he’s abusive. Called him out on it due to allegations of DV in his last relationship. He got his ex gf pregnant after they were supposed to end their relationship and get closure. The closure sex came right after her yoked her up in front of their friends because she continued to disrespect him. About to go on vacation with him, that was meant to be a BAEcation. It’s already booked and paid for . I don’t care to have sex with him any more and have him inside of my body. For some reason I wish he doesn’t make it in the trip because I’m scared of telling him NO.
I believe he doesn’t want to really be with me he’s just want to be with me to offload his responsibilities as a single father.
I don’t care for the baby. I don’t care to be a step mom & commit my life to an abusive manipulative man. & to an abusive mean woman (his baby mom).
How do I handle this situation ?