Texts to cheer someone up

My stepson (11) and stepdaughter (7) alternate a week at our house and a week at their mom's, it's always been like this since my partner and their mom separated when they were 7 and 3.
At home, we've never forced them to eat anything they didn't like, although we always ask them to try the food we make (and they usually do willingly) and we accept it when they dislike it. We don't insist, unless we prepare the food in a different that they might like. Sometimes they suddenly start liking something they used to hate, but generally they decline most foods we already know they don't like (my stepson won't eat any fish or seafood, broccoli, couli flower, spinach, mushrooms and bananas, the girl likes pretty much anything except for chickpeas and raviolis, go figure). We also never forced them to finish their plate if they're not hungry anymore and we teach them to only serve the amount they really think they're able to eat, but of course sometimes they over calculate and end up with too much food and we don't make them eat it anyway. However, if they can't eat anymore because they're not hungry the meal is over and they won't have cheese or dessert afterwards. We've never had trouble with those rules and I think they both eat very well in general (his father and I are both chefs and we make everything from scratch with high quality ingredients).
Their mom's always been the same way, from what they tell us she's never forced them to eat anything they didn't like and never forced them to finish their plates if they weren't hungry anymore. They didn't eat nearly as many vegetables and fruits as we do at our place because their mom is not much of a cook and doesn't know how to make a lot of stuff, but generally the rules were pretty much the same.
Recently (less than a year ago), their mom started dating someone and they moved in together quickly, and suddenly all the rules have changed. Now at their mom's they're forced to eat everything her partner cooks, even if they really hate it, and if they don't finish their plate they're forced to eat the same food the next morning for breakfast. They're also forbidden from drinking water during their meal. At first they were completely against these new rules and talked to us about it a lot, but with time they must have gotten used to it and only mention it every now and then.
But then this week we picked them up from school and they were talking about what they did the previous week at their mom's and what they ate etc. and my stepson said "oh, I had broccoli, couli flower and mushrooms" and we were like "oh ok I thought you hated those?" Cause we've been making those foods for years and years and he never wants them when we ask if he'd like some. And then he said:
"Yeah, well, I didn't have a choice to eat it at mom's because I would have to eat it for breakfast otherwise, so I ate it and I kind of liked it" and I said "oh that's great that you like those foods now, I'll serve you some next time we cook them", and he said "I guess it's a good thing they forced me to eat it".
And when he said that I didn't say anything but it made me question everything my partner and I have been doing this whole time. I hate forcing them to do anything and I don't think I'll change my ways when it comes to food, but apparently what they're doing at their mom's is working? Which annoys me cause I truly don't believe this is a good way to make children enjoy eating.
I'm confused. Sorry for the long text. What are your thoughts?
TL;DR: my stepchildren started liking foods they've always hated after being forced to eat them at their mom's since she's moved in with her boyfriend.

She is not at all as bad as the other stories I see on here, I just wanted to rant. Me, my sister, and my roommate (let's call her Emily) all live in a house together. When she is sober, she is a decent roommate, but recently her alcoholism has gotten to a point that affects all of us. We are all in college, and she used to be until she starting drinking to a point that she failed multiple semesters in a row and had to leave.
I'm rarely home. Emily has always asked me to drive her places or pick her up, but I usually couldn't because I don't have the time. She sent a message asking for someone to drive 30 minutes to her work to bring her vape juice because she was too lazy to drive home and get it bc she was heading down to her family home after. I was shocked by this and was talking to my sister about it because I could never imagine asking someone to do that for me, let alone just a roommate. Y'all, apparently Emily has asked my sister to do stuff like this for her all the time.
My sister is one of those people who hates saying no to people. Emily would get drunk and want to go out, so she would go into my sisters room and ask her to drive her to wherever she wanted to go. She would always tell her that she was too broke for an uber and that if she doesn't take her then she would just drive drunk. She has a job and her parents pay her rent btw, but she would spend all of her money on alcohol and would always complain about being broke. Just in the past 9 months, my sister has gotten roped into driving Emily places no less than 30 times. She didn't pay her or give her anything in return, my sister just felt responsible for whether Emily drives drunk or not. Emily would also figured out that my sister has a really tough time saying no so she would ask her to bring her lunch or her vape to her job. She also works from home so she was always home and never had an excuse for why she couldn't.
The reason this is bothering me is because my youngest sister came to visit us at one point. She's still in high school and very innocent, and Emily kept bugging us to go to a party with her. We kept telling her we couldn't because of my youngest sister, but she just kept on insisting. The problem was the only reason she wanted to go is because there was a guy there who kept asking her to come and she just wanted to go to show him that she had gained weight since she knew him so he would stop snapping her. Girl, just block him? She then started bugging my man to drive her to the party bc she was wasted and when he kept saying no she would be like okay I'll just drive then... waiting for one of us to be like no Emily don't go we'll take you! Nobody did so she literally had a mental breakdown. Sobbing and screaming saying that she does everything for us and nobody does anything for her or cares about her. Literally grabbed my little sister and started drunk slobbering on her. Poor girl had literally never met her before and had never even been around a drunk person before. The fact that she said that we don't do anything for her while having my sister fucking chaffeur her around all year is beyond me.
Now because she failed out of college her parents are making her move back home and have stopped paying her rent. She was trying to find somebody to sublease and I was worried that she wasn't going to pay bc she's broke so I was asking her how finding somebody was going. Tell me why I ended up completely taking over the search for a subleaser bc she deadass was just not doing anything and I didn't want to end up covering her share of the rent. She didn't ask me to or anything she just started asking me for updates on how the search was going. Whatever. She moved all of her stuff out of the house, but was kind enough to leave her stack of moldy dishes in the sink for me! :) Whatever, it's just dishes.
Y'all, she called me yesterday and said she's coming up. She didn't find anyone to sublease for the summer and her parents are covering her rent for this summer period, so I'm not mad about her coming back up. It's the fact that she's been sleeping on the couch bc obvi she has no furniture here and she's just been naked down there bc it's hot. I have to text her before I come down so that she can put clothes on, but I literally will give her 5 minutes of warning and she'll still be naked when I come down. She only drove up to get wasted btw. She's already made a mess downstairs that I know I'll have to clean up. My sister is away rn and she called her and asked if she could eat her food bc she doesn't have any money. Maybe if you stopped giving all your money to the liquor store you could afford something to eat. :) This whole situation is just bothering me so bad but I don't want to sit down and call her out on it because she's leaving soon and if I do she'll probably just starting crying and I don't want to deal with that, so I'm ranting on Reddit.

Two questions in this. First question is for everyone, second question is for therapists.
This may be a silly request, but some of you might remember that meme a long time ago about the girl who made a PowerPoint outlining her mental health history/traumas for a therapist. Basically, it was implied she was sick of running through it over and over again so created the PP to make it easier. I actually want to do something like that, but not in powerpoint format. Has anyone made anything like this and have a .doc template that I could yoink? If not, I'll just figure out something myself, but I wanted to ask.
More backstory of why I want to do this (and a more therapist directed question as to my difficulties with therapy). Prepare yourself, this is long-winded:
I'm trying to find a new therapist for the 6th time in the last 2 years. I want to be able to send my history "resume" during a consultation so I'm not wasting my time with someone that doesn't meet my needs and can handle my therapy..."difficulties". I'm 40/f/cis/pan (from rural SC 🙃) in a het marriage with complex trauma from childhood abuse, MDD (but recently given a treatment resistant diagnosis), GAD, PTSD, ADHD, BED, extreme self-hatred, and BPD. Basically, an alphabet of mental illnesses that I'm sure can be condensed under one umbrella or another, but no one has yet. I wasn't diagnosed with anything, and on medication, until I was 25 (but I definitely had issues as early as 9 or 10 that I can remember). Unfortunately, I wasn't on medication consistently due to lack of insurance until 33. I also didn't know I had anything other than MDD and GAD until my mid 30s, and only recently was diagnosed with BPD (quiet and self-destructive subtypes) this past year. All of this to say, I didn't get the right help when I needed and had no clue about the different types of therapy approaches--particularly finding someone with experience in trauma. Anyway, once I figured that out (which was last year 😩), I still had a very hard time with therapists and therapy approaches (especially CBT). Here's the gist of my difficulties:

1. I have the hardest time wrapping my head around changing my behaviors to stop my brain from doing the things it does or feeling the way I do about myself. I get that behavior modification, affirmations, etc work for people, but I feel I can't "behavior modification" my way out of chemical imbalances and a brain rewired by childhood abuse. I have things I've figured out myself to try and mitigate my symptoms that I've learned are actually suggested as behavior modification strategies, but they're literally bandaids and haven't made a difference in my overall mental health. I'm also well aware my thoughts can be completely irrational, but I can't stop them from being that way--even when trying to consciously block them--because they're intrusive. Moreover, my self-hatred is so woven into my identity, it's part of my core beliefs--another thing I feel I can't just fix with behavior modification. I haven't had a therapist do core belief work with me and didn't know that was a thing until last year. Despite my feelings, I have given behavior modification a shot each time it's suggested and it's always felt ineffective and hokey.
   
2. During other parts of therapy (and this is the biggest thing, I think), I have problems not questioning the logic behind what the therapist is saying. Or asking questions and giving scenarios or saying "yeah, but..." I promise I'm not trying to be purposely difficult, but I can't always accept what they're saying at face value because there's so much grey area. Most of the time it feels like they're applying a standard/blanket "everybody" response to my personal situation when it feels like it doesn't fit. For example, when I was in an extremely low place this past year, a therapist told me I wasn't a bad person and didn't deserve the bad things that happened to me--which, let's be honest, sounds like a line straight out of the therapy 101 text book and didn't feel like it came from a genuine place. And while yeah, that's true (and good grief, I know that..no child/young adult deserves what I went through), I got really upset because I can have bad self-destructive tendencies at times (hello BPD). I said to them, "How do I not deserve the bad things I've brought on myself? Why can't I stop doing that? I've also now hurt another person in my self-destructive tornado when I've only hurt myself in the past. How does that not make me a bad person? I may not have meant to and it may have been a result of my illness, but I still did it. Where is the line drawn? At what point do I take responsibility and not blame my illness? Can I simultaneously not have meant to and be remorseful, but also be a bad person and deserve to be punished because I have seriously affected someone's life?**" They knew my story and why I was saying those things and didn't really have an answer for me. We had reached the end of our time and then didn't pick it back up next session even though I wanted to. Eventually, I picked up from their change in body language, distracted behavior in sessions, and switch from being warm and welcoming to cool and clinical in responses that they had become frustrated with me. I brought this up to them and they got defensive rather than talking through it with me. That told me all I needed to know so I didn't feel comfortable going back. That was my last therapist and the therapist I had gone to the longest (10 sessions over 9 weeks). Previous therapists, outside of 1 PHP program I was in last year, were only a handful of sessions before I dipped out. They all had their various issues that, for the most part, had nothing to do with my therapy difficulties.
   

I do think some of this stems from trust issues now that I've typed it out. Also, not believing them when they say certain things because I'm their client, so I don't feel like they care about me (I mean, why should they? I'm not their friend or family member). Or we haven't built enough rapport for me to feel it's genuine--let alone feel like they remember me from Adam's house cat session to session. I've had bad experiences with therapists in the past where I've spilled my guts very emotionally in one session, and in the next, they don't remember a thing I've said. I mean, they didn't even bother to read their notes from the previous session to give some semblance that they gave a crap. Granted, this particular instance was a free mental health center, so I'm sure they were overrun, but it kept me from trying therapy again for 10+ years. I've had a couple other therapists behave in a similar manner, just not as egregiously. Anyway, if anyone has any insight beyond what my thoughts are, I'm open to hearing them. Or advice on if should be upfront with therapists about my issues around therapy so they can be prepared (or would that skew the sessions?). My issues are definitely standing in the way of me getting any benefit out of therapy, but there's a small part of me wondering if there's a chance some of it is because I haven't found the right therapist yet.
**I felt the need to explain this. I didn't physically hurt anyone. I got myself and my husband into a terrible financial situation where we're both in significant debt and his credit is ruined along with mine. I didn't take loans or credit cards out in his name or anything, but I spent money we didn't have and let the situation spiral out of control when I couldn't get a handle on things. I was on medication that made me spend excessively (Abilify) and then ignored our bills piling up because I was overwhelmed by the mess I made. There's more to the story, but that's the CliffsNotes.
If you made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read my rambling mess.

Not sure if this is the subreddit for this sort of stuff thought I'd try asking though.
We’ve known each other since 2019 and dated briefly at one point; unfortunately, due to the conditions and circumstances, it didn’t work out, which ended up causing some problems later down the road, where we ended up leaving on pretty rough terms in 2021.
Although I managed to live fine without her, I really missed her, so a couple weeks ago I decided to reach out with the intention of rebuilding our friendship and nothing beyond that, which was going well, but spending time with her again made me realize it’s not what I wanted. I still love her, and now that I’m older and have more freedom, there’s more possibilities, making the long distance not as bad. We only recently started talking again I didn’t want to make things awkward or complicated early on, so I didn't say anything, but now she had told me she was hung over an ex (he’s also long distance, but they’ve met up in the past) and then the next day she started talking to him again.
Things haven’t really been the same since when it comes to texts, she doesn’t seem as interested, and the last few times we’ve called ended with her inviting him, while when they’re calling, I get nothing, and now she’s started to push back times to hang out by saying, “Maybe [insert day]” Overall, it feels like I’ve become less of a priority, although I guess it’s inevitable that she’ll adjust her social life and cut back on me.
I really don’t know what to do at this point. I had wanted to tell her that I wanted to start doing more calls, FaceTime, etc., but I'm not sure now. It's also probably not a good idea to tell her how I feel or to bring up her ex-situation. Should I continue the friendship and maybe, in the future, if I don't find someone and she splits, pursue her again, or should I consider cutting ties with her?

So I recently broke up with my boyfriend for 3 months. I am not physically attracted to him. I'm not particularly romantically attracted to him. But I like being a girlfriend. I like being desired. I like knowing I am pretty enough to have a boyfriend. I like going places with someone, I like going on dates, I like holding hands.
But I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't want to text him all the time and I got annoyed when we hung out for too long. I HATED sex and I hated pretending to be physically attracted to him. I just didn't see him that way. He would get upset at my lack of enthusiasm and eventually that's why we broke up.
He is very objectively handsome. But it's not a case of oh, he's not my type. I have been on dates with short men, tall men, men of many races, gym guys, nerdy tech guys, artsy guys. I dated an older man for a while and was not attracted to him any more than guys my age. I have never really had a crush on a man, more like I've thought to myself, we would look good together aesthetically.
I have felt uncomfortable around men because of vibes. Idk how to explain it but sometimes their lifestyle makes me not want to date them anymore. It's not wealth or anything. I dated a rich man who had his own condo downtown and a boat and I still didn't click with his vibes and that's why I broke up with him. If a man doesn't have good vibes, like idk I can't date him. I can't explain it but it's really not about wealth like for instance I would date a guy who lived with his parents.
I am not attracted to women either. Granted I have never been on a date with a woman but I know I am not because I have never looked at a woman that way. But neither a man. I have never been sexually forward and interested in a man and because of this I have a body count of 1.
I am just so upset because I don't want to be asexual and aromantic. I want to feel the things that songs are written about, the things romance movies depict. I want to know what true romantic love is. Sure love is a partnership and a foundation and after 5 years you fart on each other and whatever but I desperately want those butterflies. I want to feel giddy when a man who is interested in me kisses me instead of mildly annoyed and wishing it would stop. I want to feel SOMETHING instead of just annoyance and discomfort.
I don't want to be alone. I have been single/casually dating for a long time and I want companionship. I want a partner with whom I can travel with, with whom I can come home to and talk about my day, with whom I can try new restaurants with and binge netflix with and cook dinner for. I just can't seem to find any shred of romantic or sexual attraction for people within me.

TW: child loss
Back when I was only 4 weeks pregnant (and not telling anyone yet), I was at a girls night with a friend group. We’re busy gals, so we really only see each other once a month. One of the girls, Ashley, couldn’t make it that night. We knew she had recently suffered a pregnancy loss (and put together a meal train for her family several weeks prior) but I didn’t know the whole story until that night. Apparently it happened when she was pretty ca and was very awful and traumatic. My heart breaks for her.
I was already going to wait to tell anyone I was pregnant, but after hearing the story, it really didn’t feel right to share the news with this particular friend group for a while. And just as well, I was so sick during my first trimester, I didn’t come out much. I felt bad for being so flaky and turning down several girls nights because I was puking… but after I cleared 16 weeks I felt finally better and ready to share the news.
The day I was going to share, one of the girls sent out a group text saying that Ashley has been (understandably) down lately, and since June was going to be her delivery month, and it would be nice to take her out to brunch. So I decided to wait. I even contemplated waiting until July to say anything, just to make sure I wasn’t being insensitive to Ashley since I’m sure this whole month is going to be so rough for her.
So I told a close friend about this, and she said she respected my decision but implied I might be overthinking this. Ashley doesn’t come out often, so she’s not as close as the rest of us. But I still would never want to do anything that would make her feel sad.
Well I was at a party with this group last weekend and wore baggy clothes because I am just barely showing at 20 weeks. My husband encouraged me to just tell everyone. It was kind of awkward when people asked where I’ve been and my lame answer was work being really busy. Ashley wasn’t there, so I decided to just go for it. And the girls were of course so sweet and excited and kind. It felt good to tell them and explain why I’ve been such a phantom for all these months.
But now the brunch is soon. And I want to be there and be supportive for Ashley, but is it disrespectful for me to attend while she’s going through this? Should I stay home? Or is my friend right and I’m overthinking it? I would never dominate the conversation and make it all about my pregnancy, but maybe if someone else brings it up, I just don’t linger on the topic too long.
What would you do and what is the best way to handle this?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a few months - we have a fun dynamic and it’s generally been a breath of fresh air to be with someone so carefree and energetic. I am, however, a paranoid person and an overthinker. I also suffer from OCD, and I tend to focus on things in the relationship and worry that she’s going to leave.
For some background: A couple weeks ago we went on a weekend trip, where she suffered a random bout of anxiety that messed her up a bit. I tried to be supportive best I could. When we got back she said she needed space from me to work on this new issue - but after a couple days she wanted to hang out and things resumed. We usually communicate often.
Since then though, she has seemed quite distant on nights that we’re away from each other. We would usually call or text a LOT most nights, but recently she barely answers her phone and goes to bed early.
She’s still friends with her long-term ex which I’ve never had an issue with, because as far as I know they only hang out in a group setting once every couple weeks. But recently he keeps popping up in my ‘suggested friends’ on Facebook, and the other day she accidentally called me by his name during a conversation.
Tonight she kept giving me these short and infrequent responses over text, and I decided I would just call her quickly and ask her if she wanted to me to ease off for the night, but she wouldn’t answer her phone. She told me she was watching tv and that we didn’t need to call as we had just hung out the day before, but usually whenever I call she picks up. She told me I was overthinking it and we said our goodnights early.
I dunno if I’m overthinking things due to OCD, or if there’s enough going for on for me to ask about it. I already let my thinking get in the way of my life too much and don’t want to ruin anything by being accusatory without reason. What do?
TL;DR: GF communication has gone low, she says I’m overthinking it but I’m concerned by how sudden it is and how she always seems to be offline in the evenings now.

i'm 19 and VERY early into my transition, i'm on hrt for abt 7 months now. i've also NEVER been in a relationship before because i kind of shut myself off socially due to not wanting to make a ton of friendships being seen as a guy. terrible, i know, but i'm already out of high school, i can't undo it.
i didn't shave today, and was at the pride, just expecting to chill with my friends. it was my first time, and my friends told me some people like to meet new people (of course).
but i wasn't expecting someone to tap on my shoulder and tell me their friend thinks i'm cute 😭 and he asks to exchange numbers or instagrams... i give my instagram but it was kind of awkward. mostly because the person to tapped my shoulder ended up calling me sir. so now i'm like fuck. i'm pretty sure this guy is gay (based on his friend) and now he wants to text me. what do i do? do i just talk to him and try to be friends? do i tell him "hey i'm trans actually lol" help me, i feel like just ghosting him would be awful

Looking for night owls, chatters and those who love to cook, take photos and share stories about their day!...
I often stay up late, spend way to much time on my laptop, cook every day both out of enjoyment and necessity, and watch alot of Greys Anatomy ( Currently watching Season 5: Episode 24 ).
As a friend I am a meet you more than half way kind of person. I'll remember your birthday. Support you on your bad days and hear you when you need someone to talk to. I'll also celebrate with you on your wins and would love to get to know you. We can talk about anything and everything.
I get joy out of swings, giraffes, grandfather clocks, my pets, kayaking, photography and food especially anything chilli!
I can text often with my free time or if you prefer calls I can work up to that.
Friend Profile
🎈 name: Lena
👶🏻 kids: No, maybe in the future
🐩pets: 1 doggo, 2 cats
🌟 do you study/work: looking for work
❄️ do you drink alcohol: I don't mind the odd cheeky cocktail 🍹
💙 do you smoke weed: No
☂ do you take illicit drugs: No
👛 relationship status: Married
🔮 are you looking for a best friend: Open to all types of friends
🌍 what are your interests?: True crime, walks along the coast, cooking, clocks
🍄 extrovert, introvert or ambivert: Introvert
⭐️ star sign: Aries

Do you ever feel like all chats are the same? We came here seeking something new, excitement, and diversity, yet we always end up answering the same questions. Maybe we're just unlucky or have too high expectations, ending up in a harsh reality check.
I want to change that. I want to "click" with someone. What makes me click is sharing a similar sense of humor, I enjoy laughing about everything, including myself. A competitive women who wants to go all in. But most important, openness. Zero judgments, total honesty, and the freedom to discuss anything that comes to mind, from what she ate for breakfast to her deepest, darkest secrets.
I guess I miss building connections and confidence with one specific person. Talking all say and night. Texts, voice calls, video calls. I'm pretty curious and I ask tons of questions, which works well for me in real life, but online is different since people tend to give short answers. I'm hoping to chat with someone who won't be like that.
If you also want to create a space where we can talk about our secrets and deepest thoughts without fear or judgment, a place where we can discuss things that we never have the opportunity to talk about in real life, send me a chat.

Do you ever feel like all chats are the same? We came here seeking something new, excitement, and diversity, yet we always end up answering the same questions. Maybe we're just unlucky or have too high expectations, ending up in a harsh reality check.
I want to change that. I want to "click" with someone. What makes me click is sharing a similar sense of humor, I enjoy laughing about everything, including myself. A competitive women who wants to go all in. But most important, openness. Zero judgments, total honesty, and the freedom to discuss anything that comes to mind, from what she ate for breakfast to her deepest, darkest secrets.
I guess I miss building connections and confidence with one specific person. Talking all say and night. Texts, voice calls, video calls. I'm pretty curious and I ask tons of questions, which works well for me in real life, but online is different since people tend to give short answers. I'm hoping to chat with someone who won't be like that.
If you also want to create a space where we can talk about our secrets and deepest thoughts without fear or judgment, a place where we can discuss things that we never have the opportunity to talk about in real life, send me a chat.

This is gonna be a long one, so sorry in advance but I really can't TLDR.
General TW: mention of SA, mention of substance abuse
I guess I'm mostly just looking to vent. I've just been struggling with this a lot. I (f28) have been with my spouse NP (m30) M for almost 13 years. We are married, have a child (under 10), and have shared housing and finances. We were monogamous for the majority of that time but after years of discussing it and looking into Polyamory, had opened our relationship to be poly roughly 3-ish years ago. This is not an issue of poly-under-duress on either side, as non-monogamy of various natures was something we had been discussing after I had come to terms with my own bi-sexuality. (M has also identified as bi)
We have each had a handful of partners in this time, and I have tried my best to be a communicative and respectful partner and a cordial meta. We were originally practicing KTP and things were going well for a while. One issue came up with one of M's early partners- A. A had some problem and attitude with me right out of the gate. I just kind of brushed it off. I wasn't really worried about it till M had shown me what she had been saying to him about me, and it was all very disrespectful and childish. One thing that really stood out to me about these messages was that M didn't defend me at all in them. He just let her say horrible disrespectful things about me and apologized to her and begged her not to leave. I asked him why she was comfortable talking to him like that, and he said he did defend me, just in person. I don't understand why he'd allow someone to talk to him the way she did about anyone he cared about, (friends, family, spouse, whatever. This has never been an issue before) or why he'd beg a relationship that was only a couple of months old to continue.
Later M confided in me that A had done things like giving him the silent treatment for several days for not dropping everything to go to a weekend art festival with her and had pressured him into sexual situations involving her spouse that he wasn't comfortable with. after about 4 months of this and me saying I needed to be parallel for my own mental health after I blocked her, they broke up.
At the same time he was dating A, M was also dating S until S had a mental breakdown about how their same-sex relationship was a sin. He's had several other short-term partners since then but nothing really serious. I understand dating as a man is difficult, but I really didn't see this as some sort of competition to accumulate partners.
I have had a few different partners in the beginning, but formed connections with my two partners J (m37, 1.5 years), and T (m29, 1 year). I feel like M was jealous of my other relationships, but I made sure to set aside time specifically for him. no phones, just us. And I have done my best to communicate with him and make sure I am not doing anything that makes him feel uncomfortable especially in our shared home.
In November 2023 M had another connection fizzle out, and I knew he was feeling particularly down about it, so I made date night plans with him that week to stay in on a child-free night and make his favorite dinner together. I had work that day, and he stated he was going to be helping our mutual friend K with moving stuff around at her apartment. I had asked him to swing by the grocery store afterwards.
For context, F had reached out to me regarding K being SA'd while she had been sugar-dating and asked me to talk to her. K did not reach out to me, but I wasn't going to just not check on her after being told this because I know how traumatic it is. When I spoke to K she talked a little about the assault and vented about how she felt the need to purchase speed from her dad (who is her former SA abuser) in order to "ease the stress" of living with F. I told her she probably shouldn't be doing that, but she was convinced that because she was only micro-dosing and making a pill last a few days by mixing it into a 2L of soda that she had it under control. Afterwards I let her know she could reach out for help with whatever she needed. I told M how she was struggling and that I offered to help out and he said he'd offer help too. So it wasn't weird to me that he had offered to help move things around the house for her.
He had been sending me messages throughout the day and "helping her move furniture" was revealed over the messages to be getting dressed up, treating her to a moderately expensive lunch, going to a local bookstore, and walking around the mall to buy little treats.
We had always communicated about new partners before this point, and K was someone we had lived with previously and neither of us were really particularly happy living with her or spending a lot of time with her and her toxic behavior towards F in our space from what he had conveyed to me at that time (around 5 years ago). As far as I knew, we had only really maintained a friendship with K because of our longstanding friendship with her boyfriend F, who has been our friend almost as long as M and I have been together and would not break up with her despite his expressed displeasure in several aspects of their relationship he had come to M and I for advice on several occasions. (serious things like her weird attachment to her dad who again, had SA'd her, and how she had been threatening to move back in with him whenever F didn't meet her demands) So, you can see how I really didn't see this coming beforehand.
So I asked M point blank if this was a date with K, since he gave no indication of it beforehand. He said it was and that he thought he told me. I assured him he hadn't. He ended up cancelling our plans for the night by staying out with her till it was too late. I ate dinner alone and expressed to him how it was hurtful to have not communicated to me and then to have blown off our plans made in advance. He apologized and expressed to me how he would do better in the future.
That was roughly 7 months ago.
In those 7 months several additional hurts have been made.
-No communication before she started spending the night at our house and I had to hear them on multiple occasions having sex. One of these occasions being in the shower against the wall of my bedroom. (I didn't consent to that and it has seriously fucked me up in a huge way mentally. I have been clawing my way out of a massive depressive spiral since, and dealing with the death of my grandmother at this time did not help at all. This would occur 2-3 days a week, every week) He again apologized and expressed to me how he would do better in the future.
-I expressed not being okay with them having sex in the house and was expected to believe that all further noises I heard during her sleepovers that were still occurring on a weekly, and later reduced to bi-weekly basis were simply her normal bodily noises from her GERD. I included myself in this as well, if I had a partner over while M was home we would not engage in sexual activity.
-Every single sleepover involved her getting absolutely shit-faced drunk and/or high from MMJ edibles.
-He has left family gatherings and holidays for 45 minutes to an hour and a half at a time to go "talk" with her, In particular saying they were going to go get a drink from the gas station on thanksgiving.
-Kept me up late hours with the noise they make on nights when I had work, which again I am supposed to believe is all just normal passive bodily noises from her acid reflux, and the occasional instance of my cat knocking things over and definitely nothing sexual or her drunken stumbling.
-I expressed needing to re-connect and wanted a date with the two of us that didn't involve watching him text her. this turned into an expensive dinner with me listening to him talk about her.
-M had been leaving work early on a regular basis to drive her to things like doctor appointments and such. (1-2 times a week minimum).
-He forgot to get our kid up to school after I was already at work, and on multiple occasions just had a different family member pick her up so he could have more alone time with K.
-He lost his job. He says this is because of a technical error on one of the terminals he was assigned to wrecking his productivity on multiple occasions, so I was now the only income providing for our entire barely-middle-class no savings lifestyle.
-Asked my help in paying for an out-of-state trip with his best friend (using money I got from refinancing my vehicle. I had planned to use that money to pay off my credit cards and my lawyer I had needed for a recent legal problem involving a protective order, and to make repairs on our home) that later turned out to be a double date/ 4 day vacation. I was the only one working at this time. He swears he told me. He absolutely did not. He again apologized and expressed to me how he would do better in the future. (at this point we had a massive fight where I told him I am not a wallet for him to use to fund trips with his equally unemployed partner. I ended up moving all of my things into the spare bedroom and sleeping in there for several days)
-I have funded multiple dates through our joint bank account during his time being unemployed, despite expressing how I didn't appreciate it. (for reference, I work 60+ hrs a week and my check alone is barely enough to keep our household expenses afloat without paying for any dates- mine or his)
-She was constantly leaving laundry behind, like crop tops, bras, socks, etc that I was finding in my couch and mixed in with the household laundry. So I was literally washing her damn underwear.
-In April I blew up because their late night nonsense had prevented me from getting more than an hour of sleep before my 12 hour shift. I told him at this point that the sleepovers were over with with no amount of uncertainty and we fought about it again. I told him I needed something closer to garden party, I'm fine seeing her at holidays and birthday parties but that I really needed my space and the disrespect I had been enduring was not going to happen anymore. I included myself in this as well, my partners would not be spending the night anymore either. Even to the point that when T took me out for dinner and his car broke down I let him borrow my truck to get home rather than have him crash in the spare room because I'm not going to make a space where I can be accused of holding double standards.
After all of this occurred, I got a callback from HR at my job setting up an interview for a promotion I had applied for. Getting this promotion would mean roughly $4k more per year on my salary which would definitely ease the financial stress we were under as a single income household. Because we were no longer having sleepovers in the house when the other person was there, and my interview fell on one of my days off later in the afternoon we scheduled a date between myself and M for the day before. The plan was to have our date, M drop me off at T's apartment, M would pick up K to sleep over back at our house, K had work the next day at 10:30 (just got a new job) so M told me he would drop K off at 10:30am and pick me up from T's apartment afterwards- which was only 15 minutes away. This would give us time for the hour drive back to the house, and time for me to change clothes and drive to my workplace before my interview, about 45 minutes of elbow room in our time.
Communication was minimal that morning, which is normal for when we're with others, and it dropped off entirely after he said he was leaving the house so I just assumed he was driving. At about 10:40 I asked if he was nearby and if I should start heading downstairs, he hadn't sent me an update saying he was on his way like he normally would. he finally gets back to me around 10:45am letting me know that he had just dropped her stuff off at her apartment and was running late because her dogs needed to be walked and her NP, F, hadn't walked them before he left for work that morning. He still needed to drop her off at her job which apparently didn't actually start until 11. He did not pick me up until around 11:10am. we rode home in silence for the hour drive until we were pulling into the driveway and he said something about his tire needing to be checked on his way to get our kid from school. I ran inside, got dressed, ran back out and barely made it to my interview on time. (I didn't get it. Better luck next time I guess)
After the interview he had been in the next town over to get our kid from school and we were discussing over text how it absolutely wasn't okay to have changed plans without talking to me about it, and that someone elses dogs shouldn't have ever had priority over me or my time- especially since the interview for this promotion was going to make things better for all 3 of us as a family.
Well, during this argument I got a message from my sister in law C.
K had apparently blocked me but decided she needed to get the last word in. So she sent a message to C to give to me. It was around 10 paragraphs about how I am emotionally abusing M every time I've set a boundary and stood up for myself, asked for everything they put me through because of the open status of our relationship, am petty and jealous, imagining things, wished I'd have come to her instead of M (as if it was a meta problem and not him being a bad and uncommunicative hinge), and finished it off by talking about how she thinks I'm super hot and she hopes we can reconcile in the future.
I sent screenshots of it to M, asking what K knows about my marriage that I don't and it was the equivalent of pouring gasoline on a campfire. Our argument blew up bigger than it was originally, he dropped our kid off at the house after school and drove off. I was worried he was going to self harm after some of the things he said. He did eventually come home and talk to me. He apparently had no knowledge or input on her little letter to me, denied that he's ever called me abusive to her etc.
we ended up talking for about 4 hours and working things out that night. I let him know from that point on that I wanted full parallel, not garden party at all with her. this was a little over a month ago and I keep having nightmares where I'm forced into parent-trap type situations where he tries to force me to reconcile with her. I asked him for reassurance that he understood my boundary the other day and he did reassure me, but expressed how he was upset about it and doesn't really have time to see or talk to her as often anymore since he started his new job.
I'm in therapy.
I tried finding a couples therapy we could afford, but the few places I could find that would be affordable wouldn't see us, stating that my being in individual therapy is a "conflict of interest" for couples therapy. Which I've asked around on, and it's definitely BS, but I can't afford to get couples therapy till we get our financial situation ironed out.
We've been doing better over the past month, but I keep having this horrible anxiety like the other shoe is about to drop.
I'm sorry this is so long. I just don't feel right venting to my other partners.
I just miss actually feeling compersion.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me in summer of 2022, so 2 years ago now. We dated on and off from junior year of high school through sophomore year of college before she broke up with me for good and started dating someone else shortly after. She was my first love and the girl of my dreams, so naturally I was devastated and I still don’t know the right steps to take.
I am still dead set on her as the girl that I want to be with long-term. She is so sweet and funny and also so smart and hard-working. She is both career and family oriented and has values + goals in life that are similar to mine and I know she’s going to be so successful; with me or without me. She is so beautiful to the point where it always felt like such a flex to be seen being with her, I knew she could literally have any guy in the world, so knowing I was the one she chose to love just felt so cool and gave me a boost. Lastly, and most importantly, her presence gave me so much peace. She is so loving and nurturing that being around her made me feel so safe. I deal with a lot of anxiety and sometimes my mind is so loud and chaotic, but she just made everything feel at ease when she loved me.
It’s important to note that I had a lot to do with the breakup, she truly didn’t ask for much and I let her down multiple times. I won’t go to far into detail but I eroded her trust in me overtime because of things such as who I followed on social media, posts I was liking, etc. She had asked me several times to change and expressed how it made her feel and I continued to mess up so I know I have no right to be mad at her for moving on and trying to find someone that will give her the same peace that she gave me.
Even though I wasn’t the best boyfriend at times, I think she still knows that I have a good heart and really care about her and love her. We texted pretty rarely throughout the breakup, maybe once a month on average just to say hi and I saw her a couple times, everything just friendly and nothing more. Of course, knowing she was going home to someone else and that I still had feelings for her that were now completely one-sided was certainly not ideal for my mental health but I refused to block her or cut off contact, I genuinely do care about her on a deeper level than just a relationship and want to always remain in her life even if it’s not on my exact terms.
She recently became single again and we’ve started to talk more frequently and she’s expressed she wants to be in each other’s lives and we have plans to hang out this summer. She’s made it clear though that right now she just needs a real friend and I respect that. I don’t want to be the guy just playing the long game hiding behind a friendship, but it feels like that’s what I’m doing as I’m naturally hoping I can win her back and get another chance with her.
The last week has been pretty hard for me. I was able to see her a couple times throughout the week, and she of course seems to get prettier by the day and seeing her still gives me that rush/butterflies feeling but it makes me feel alive. It is crazy that I can feel so comfortable and so nervous around her at the same time. I had such a good time with her as always. It is when I go home that I can’t control my anxiety and insecurities when it comes to her. constantly checking for a text, while being afraid to text her first because I don’t want to look desperate or overwhelm her or push her away. Or I start creating scenarios in my head about who she is texting instead of me and getting myself upset. Seeing her always feels so great in the moment but then when Im alone it feels like my mental state determines on when I hear from her or see her again, and I know if she knew that it would scare her away which is the last thing I want.
She knows how I feel about her, I’ve poured my heart out to her several times and she knows the ball is in her court and that if she ever wants to open the door for me again I’ll be there when she’s ready, and until then I’m always there for her as a friend. Does this decrease my value since she knows I’ll just wait for her? People close to me tell me I’m throwing away my self respect but personally I’m willing to swallow a bit of pride for the girl I love. I guess I just needed to vent or to see if anyone has ever been through anything similar and could share advice with me?

I (20F) feel ashamed about not having friends. I have a boyfriend, but no friends. I used to have a friend group but after some time I realized how toxic they were. So now they’re gone and a weight was lifted from my shoulders. But now, I feel sad/envious seeing other friend groups.
I have a friend group from junior high but they’re off to school and busy a lot so we don’t get together really. I want to make more friends but I’m so closed off after dealing with the toxic friend group. I’m still trying to heal from the trauma I have from them. As a result, I’m super picky about girls I want to hang out with.
There’s one girl I really enjoy and I feel so comfortable around her. But she never seems to want to hang out with me. She always talks about how we should do things together and then we don’t. I was excited for her to come back for summer break so maybe we could finally get that smoke session in or brunch together. No. I watch her hang out with her other friends. But I’m the friend that’s just worth a virtual friendship. And it stings opening her stories.
We were talking about a particular place and how I was going with my bf as a date. I mistakenly thought she was asking what place it was because she was interested in going with me. I told her we should go and she quickly corrected herself by saying she wanted to go with her bf. Okay, that’s fair, but it still hurt.
On top of that, I spoke so highly about her to my bf. How we would be good friends because we have things in common and how cool I thought she was. It’s kind of embarrassing and maybe I just let myself get carried away because she’s someone I really click with finally. But she confuses me because she texts me a lot and opens up to me a little. So it makes me think we’re actual friends…

Some background that currently I'm home alone, my family is out of the country for two and a half weeks. So far things have been really calm, but today someone rung my door bell. I peeked outside the window at them, didn't quite get the best look but it looked like maybe a teenager? I thought it might be some kid asking to mow the lawn so I didn't answer the door. I saw that he stepped away, started texting someone on their phone, and walked through my side yard, and I believe through my backyard. I'm a little concerned about someone trying to break in, especially since this is the first time I'm home alone for such a long period of time. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do? I went around and made sure all the doors and windows were locked up, but I guess I worry that might not be enough to stop them.

Summer is around the corner, like every three months a new anime season starts and like every three months there's always someone asking if there is a line-up announcement yet and no, as for today there is no official announcement, keep waiting within the next 2 or 3 weeks. However, over the last few months Crunchyroll has announced some of the titles they have acquired in the conventions they attended or in their social accounts, and this are the ones that will premiere in summer:

1. Alya Sometimes Hides Her Feelings in Russian
2. Tower of God: Return of the Prince
3. Our Last Crusade or the Rise of a New World Season 2
4. No Longer Allowed In Another World
5. A Journey Through Another World: Raising Kids While Adventuring
6. Wistoria's Wand and Sword
7. Senpai Is an Otokonoko
8. Quality Assurance in Another World
9. Bye-Bye, Earth
10. Narenare -Cheer for You!-

I'm not adding sequels for Yamishibai, Cafe Terrace or Shy or the 3 titles of Aniplex of America (NieR:Automata Ver1.1a Part 2, Too Many Losing Heroines! and The Elusive Samurai) but I expect Crunchyroll to have those. Other than those plus what other platforms got, there are 24 titles in the air that anyone to catch, so for those interested I suggest you keep your eye on the next weeks for the announcements thread. Have a nice day!

I hope I can get some advice from some people on my situation (its a bit long):
I (then 25f) got to know my now ex (21m) on New Years Eve. We however started talking in February and hit it off since then. We met a month later, in the beginning of March, for the first time ever. Chemistry was immediately there. We are veeery friendly with each other and that was so important to me - to have a best friend and a partner. We kissed and cuddled on our third date and started with sleep overs - but without getting intimate. I told him I have horrible experience with men in the past and just want to be more sure and he was so understanding.
He introduced me to his family in April (uncle, cousin, mother, father & sister) and we spent 2-3 days a week together, either hanging out with his friends or just doing something together. He also made me „instagram official“ in mid April and by then everyone kinda knew that we basically were dating without having stated that ourselves.
In late April he started opening up to me about personal problems he said he never talked to anyone before. He also complimented me and our relationship by saying things like „everything is so uncomplicated with you“, „you are the first one my sister likes“, „the best sleep i get is when i‘m with you“, „please get uglier so I don‘t find you as attractive“
I then introduced him to my friends on my birthday in the beginning of May and he asked me to officially be his girlfriend that night. One of his older friends told me a week later he can be an asshole sometimes and I should reach out to him if thats the case. People that knew him were surprised he could act like that towards someone because he wasn‘t into dating before that at all.
Two weeks ago he told me he was really struggling with stress from two jobs, constant family fights, his final exams coming up in August, his fear or failing them, panic attacks while driving and since he is stubborn af and wanted to be alone, I already felt like he could take the wrong turn headwise. I constantly offered help which he didn‘t really accept.
A week ago he came over, gave me a kiss and talked about his current struggles, telling me I‘m the only one that knows of this. And to my surprise - two minutes later told me he doesn‘t think he can be in a relationship as of right now. I was so shocked I couldn‘t really say something and he seemed to only want to get that out and leave so he wouldn‘t get weak if I talk to him about it. Like I said - stubborn af that guy.
We have been texting about it and I wanted to know what was wrong since he wanted to meet my mother two weeks ago, hell he showed me his trust when he opened up a week ago and now pretends like this is the only way things would work out for him - to be alone. I tried reaching out for him multiple times because I also fear his health and losing him completely. He then yesterday texted me out of the blue that he got involved with an old fwb „recently“ and I want to know if it was while we were still dating and what „involved“ means but he doesn‘t want to talk at all or reply. He only said I deserve better and the week of no talking (to „everyone“), quitting one job and working on his injuries made him feel a lot better and at peace. It makes me question if that really happened or he is just saying that so I leave him alone for now.
I know, if its true, that this is not the way I deserve to be treated and I told him I would back off now. I just dont understand why he would change this quick or what his true intentions are. I just cant believe that he faked all of this for example - he told me he has feelings for me for the first time three weeks ago, and he doesnt come off as someone who just says something like that at all (he is usually unemotional). I just want what we had back, hurts really bad. We were able to communicate so good… What is your take on the situation?

Long story short I just got no-contact by my ex/ex friend. We were together almost every single day for 5.5 years, even after being broken up for a year and a half. I made a huge mistake and now he's gone no-contact, literally the day after we seemed to have talked things out and ended on "this isn't goodbye". We briefly texted the day after meeting then he blocked me. It's driving me mad. I called that night to check if he had blocked me when he didnt answer my last text regarding an order has has coming to my address ...yep blocked. His sister sent me a text the next day telling me to leave him alone, he's moving on with life and I should too. He's not the type to tell someone else to do that for him, he rarely shares his personal business, so Im under the impression he was so upset she did it on his behalf. He hasn't blocked me on insta (but I would assume I'm restricted) and I haven't attempted to call on there to check that, or else violate his wish and risk being blocked. He hasn't blocked me on Facebook or restricted me but I assume muted me (I thought I'd be restricted so I pinned a few old messages for myself then his active status popped up). He deleted snapchat a week ago when things popped off but agreed to not block me so the chat didn't dissappear....we left off on a 386 day streak and I don't know how to let it go.
I was under the assumption that full no contact with no intention of getting back in touch would entail full blocking on every platform? Am I delulu for believing this may only be temporary? I'm going crazy. I know it must be hard for him too and maybe that's why he's chosen to not fully block me?
I've never gone no contact with someone except my first boyfriend that literally got arrested for stealing from my family, so I have no idea what it's like on the other side. When we parted ways after talking he was crying, I know he cares. I know I made a mistake and hurt our relationship but I'm praying he will change his mind some day. Neither of us are 100% solid mentally and I'm hoping this is just space for us to grow and come back together happier and healthier.
Any insight is greatly appreciated. I'm seriously struggling and it feels unreal that someone that feels like my other half is just gone. I know I'm not the victim in this situation, I'm not looking for validation or pity just advice

It's been two months. Almost two year relationship, lived together for 1.5 years. He (28M) lost feelings/ fell out of love with me (32F), said I was an amazing girlfriend and he is so sorry for putting me through this. He cried, saying he "felt like he was making the biggest mistake of his life." I've gone No Contact and it's going on 5 weeks since I've texted him about the relationship/ my feelings. I am letting him feel the loss of me in his life.
As excruciatingly painful as it's been, I wanted to share what's helped me move forward and hear what's working for everyone else. Crossfit gym 3x a week, putting even more time into my studies, daily journaling, weekly therapy, and playing with my dog more at the park, and being more present and grateful for the life that I have. I started a daily gratitude journal as well.
When I reflect upon the relationship, I realize he did me a favor. I'm not sure if I had the confidence at that point to end things. I thought it was just a rough patch. The last 3 months of the relationship were so chaotic, with him sharing his anxiety of not loving me the same as before to telling me how much he loves me to how he's so confused. He started slow-fading and wasn't present anymore. He stopped telling me he loved me, stopped any type of intimacy.
Towards the end, it was unbalanced. When he was down, I'd do something special like cook his favorite meal, give him a massage, or do an at home spa day. For his birthday I blew up 30+ balloons in our living room and surprised him with a gift. I'd take the dogs out and let him sleep in late on a Saturday, tell him how much I loved him, and show up in every way possible. He was stressed looking for a job. I was supportive, encouraging, and when he landed a job in another European country, I seriously considering moving with him. However, he was "too stressed financially to talk about what this move would mean for our relationship and our future together" and "his love just had to be enough right now." (That same love that he fell out of 3.5 months after this discussion)... A week before Valentine's Day, I asked him for flowers, yet when I gave him his present and waited for mine, he "forgot and got busy with work stuff." We live five minutes walking from four different florists. I told him flowers are incredibly special to me, several times over 2 years, I asked him for flowers. He bought them once or twice. I just started buying them myself each week. He smoked weed nightly from 10-12am and watched sports videos and rarely came to bed with me, went out drinking with friends 2-3x a week and came home so tipsy/ drunk and/ or high that , and didn't have his driving license so I always had to rent the car and drive us anywhere. He called his mom and sisters a lot for advice, talking to them about our relationship, and any issues. Looking back, the night of the breakup he asked me if he could call his mom to decide what to do when it came to breaking up with me. Typing that out feels embarrassing. We are adults.
What in the world was I thinking?
The more I think of it though, I am not sure the last time I felt truly loved by him. Considered. I keep thinking when is the last time I felt cared for and can't find an answer. I do not know why or how I was with someone for so long who did not match my effort. At one point he did but when he saw that I was all in, he stopped. He thought relationships were supposed to be easy and the spark was always supposed to be there. But he just lacked maturity. I felt so unattractive, unloveable, and unworthy when he dumped me and moved out of our apartment. Like I was a burden to love and be with, which I know isn't true. I can no longer stay in situations that make me feel like a ball of anxiety, with people who are unsure about me. I've been working hard in therapy to switch from "Why didn't he want me?" to "Is this good enough for me? Are my needs being met? Do I feel loved? Is my partner putting in equal effort?" and letting anything less be an automatic turnoff. I stayed way too long. I do not want someone who is unsure about me.
I do not want to be with someone who does not have the emotional maturity to understand that long-term relationships take actual effort. If I do not water and give my plants sunlight, my plants die and I am responsible for that. Life is hard. It sucks sometimes. I want someone who is willing to put in the effort, and doesn't base how they treat me on a daily basis based on feelings which are fleeting and ever-changing. At the end of the day I tried my best and I opened my heart to love. I am proud of myself. What helps is that CrossFit helps me feel challenged and more at home/ confident in my body. I've working on holding my head up when I walk, plus trying on new outfits/ playing dress up in the mirror, and setting boundaries of what I will and will not tolerate. At the end of the day, it may not always be my anxious attachment style. Any human on the receiving end would feel anxious. My self-esteem and confidence need loving attention and tending to. I'm reading a book on how to cultivate your life as a woman and become more secure.
I know I am a good person and am worthy of love right now as I am. I'm kind, intelligent, considerate, loving, intentional, and hard-working. I show up for the people that I love. I am a good friend. I have a good heart. I am capable of loving someone and putting in the care and work to cultivate a loving, long-term relationship.
This is a huge lesson in learning how to always choose myself. Thank you.
TLDR: Self-worth and love are always more important. Reflecting on my time with love has helped me (32F) learn what I need.

It's been two months. Almost two year relationship, lived together for 1.5 years. He (28M) lost feelings/ fell out of love with me (32F), said I was an amazing girlfriend and he is so sorry for putting me through this. He cried, saying he "felt like he was making the biggest mistake of his life." I've gone No Contact and it's going on 5 weeks since I've texted him about the relationship/ my feelings. I am letting him feel the loss of me in his life.
As excruciatingly painful as it's been, I wanted to share what's helped me move forward and hear what's working for everyone else. Crossfit gym 3x a week, putting even more time into my studies, daily journaling, weekly therapy, and playing with my dog more at the park, and being more present and grateful for the life that I have. I started a daily gratitude journal as well.
When I reflect upon the relationship, I realize he did me a favor. I'm not sure if I had the confidence at that point to end things. I thought it was just a rough patch. The last 3 months of the relationship were so chaotic, with him sharing his anxiety of not loving me the same as before to telling me how much he loves me to how he's so confused. He started slow-fading and wasn't present anymore. He stopped telling me he loved me, stopped any type of intimacy.
Towards the end, it was unbalanced. When he was down, I'd do something special like cook his favorite meal, give him a massage, or do an at home spa day. For his birthday I blew up 30+ balloons in our living room and surprised him with a gift. I'd take the dogs out and let him sleep in late on a Saturday, tell him how much I loved him, and show up in every way possible. He was stressed looking for a job. I was supportive, encouraging, and when he landed a job in another European country, I seriously considering moving with him. However, he was "too stressed financially to talk about what this move would mean for our relationship and our future together" and "his love just had to be enough right now." (That same love that he fell out of 3.5 months after this discussion)... A week before Valentine's Day, I asked him for flowers, yet when I gave him his present and waited for mine, he "forgot and got busy with work stuff." We live five minutes walking from four different florists. I told him flowers are incredibly special to me, several times over 2 years, I asked him for flowers. He bought them once or twice. I just started buying them myself each week. He smoked weed nightly from 10-12am and watched sports videos and rarely came to bed with me, went out drinking with friends 2-3x a week and came home so tipsy/ drunk and/ or high that , and didn't have his driving license so I always had to rent the car and drive us anywhere. He called his mom and sisters a lot for advice, talking to them about our relationship, and any issues. Looking back, the night of the breakup he asked me if he could call his mom to decide what to do when it came to breaking up with me. Typing that out feels embarrassing. We are adults.
What in the world was I thinking?
The more I think of it though, I am not sure the last time I felt truly loved by him. Considered. I keep thinking when is the last time I felt cared for and can't find an answer. I do not know why or how I was with someone for so long who did not match my effort. At one point he did but when he saw that I was all in, he stopped. He thought relationships were supposed to be easy and the spark was always supposed to be there. But he just lacked maturity. I felt so unattractive, unloveable, and unworthy when he dumped me and moved out of our apartment. Like I was a burden to love and be with, which I know isn't true. I can no longer stay in situations that make me feel like a ball of anxiety, with people who are unsure about me. I've been working hard in therapy to switch from "Why didn't he want me?" to "Is this good enough for me? Are my needs being met? Do I feel loved? Is my partner putting in equal effort?" and letting anything less be an automatic turnoff. I stayed way too long. I do not want someone who is unsure about me.
I do not want to be with someone who does not have the emotional maturity to understand that long-term relationships take actual effort. If I do not water and give my plants sunlight, my plants die and I am responsible for that. Life is hard. It sucks sometimes. I want someone who is willing to put in the effort, and doesn't base how they treat me on a daily basis based on feelings which are fleeting and ever-changing. At the end of the day I tried my best and I opened my heart to love. I am proud of myself. What helps is that CrossFit helps me feel challenged and more at home/ confident in my body. I've working on holding my head up when I walk, plus trying on new outfits/ playing dress up in the mirror, and setting boundaries of what I will and will not tolerate. At the end of the day, it may not always be my anxious attachment style. Any human on the receiving end would feel anxious. My self-esteem and confidence need loving attention and tending to. I'm reading a book on how to cultivate your life as a woman and become more secure.
I know I am a good person and am worthy of love right now as I am. I'm kind, intelligent, considerate, loving, intentional, and hard-working. I show up for the people that I love. I am a good friend. I have a good heart. I am capable of loving someone and putting in the care and work to cultivate a loving, long-term relationship.
This is a huge lesson in learning how to always choose myself. Thank you.

Book Two: The Academy- Part 11
Lily had been right about dinner. It was made up of huge platters of a new delicacy called “fried chicken tenders” that came in these boneless, bread-encrusted strips that could be dipped into honey for a burst of flavor. Buck couldn’t get enough of them, though he stole glances towards the dragon section of the room to see how Patience was doing with “drumming up sympathy” with the dragons.
By now he had a large crowd of dragons around him, all wearing faces creased with worry. But then Patience pointed to Buck, and his heart skipped. Buck vigorously shook his head at Patience and made a slitting motion over his neck, attempting to convey “Cut it out!” to him, but instead, the dragons erupted into a cheer. Buck decided this long-distance conversation would not work out and jumped to his feet, dashing towards the dragons and Patience.
“Buck, the hero of the hour!” a SkyWing adolescent shouted as Buck reached them.
“What did you tell them!?” Buck frantically asked Patience.
“That you helped Clay slay the dragon that was about to kill us.”
“You used your Animus power to hold the dragon off!” a MudWing called out, “Then Clay snapped their neck! Total heroism! Who knew humans could fight alongside dragons like that?”
“Aren’t you guys, you know, upset that one of your kind got killed?” Buck tilted his head.
“True,” an IceWing said, “It would have been better for the situation to be resolved peacefully. But we would never condone killing a bunch of human kids. That dragon had to be stopped at that point, no doubt about it.”
“That’s… reasonable.”
Then Winter joined the crowd. “Buck, could you come with me for a second? There’s something I need to ask you.”
“Uhh, sure.” Buck went down the nearby staircase and joined Winter as they went into the corridor outside the dining hall.
When they were a far distance from the door, Winter asked his question. “How exactly did you get your power?”
“I had some kind of vision, then a human asked me what kind of power I wanted. I asked him to give me the power to protect my friends and family. It’s helped me twice so far.”
“This is very unusual,” Winter said, “Animus power was supposed to have been wiped out… a SandWing Animus named Jerboa III saw to that.”
Buck shrugged. “Maybe it didn’t affect human animi? But that doesn’t solve the mystery of how I met a human Animus when they were supposed to have been all killed during the Scorching.”
“That is definitely a mystery. But you’re sure you aren’t an Animus yourself? You just got a power from one?”
Buck shook his head. “I can’t control it either. It seems like it only comes up when it’s needed.”
Winter sighed. “This school year is getting more complicated by the hour. Me, Sunny and Tsunami are trying our best to get a hold of the situation, and Clay… He’s been extremely upset ever since the incident with the rogue SkyWing.”
“Not surprising,” Buck told him, “If it weren’t for my special power me and all the other kids would be piles of ash right now.”
Winter rubbed his snout with his talon. “Yes, he’s told me as much. We’re wondering if it’s safe to continue using that space for the self-defense class. Being open to the sky is turning out to be a major risk factor, with the Scourge and their followers running around.”
“What do you think?” Buck asked Winter, “Of the Scourge?”
“I told you before, that dragon is a monster. Any dragon who attacks those who can’t fight back is one in my eyes. And it makes it even more terrifying, that we don’t have a motive for this group. It’s as if they’re slaughtering humans just because they can.”
“The SkyWing me and Clay fought… It said we weren’t worthy of being educated here.”
“That’s new. In fact, that’s a very important piece of information. So the Scourge is some kind of dragon-supremacist group…” Winter’s eyes fogged up, then he looked down at Buck. “You should head back to the dining hall. I don’t want to keep you from your meal any longer.”
Buck nodded and walked back through the door, being greeted with another round of cheers from the students of both species. He scanned the crowd, and strangely, he could not find Bulrush. Ahi, however, was part of the crowd, though she was mostly crowded out by the other, larger dragons. Nonetheless, she was giving Buck a beaming smile. And as Buck returned to the ledge the humans stood on, he sat at his seat and continued to eat.
Eventually, the crowd disbanded, and Patience took a seat next to Buck. “So… feel better about dragons now?”
“I guess,” Buck said, then swallowed his food to continue. “Like, the dragons here mostly like humans. But now we know that dragons who hate us are basically circling the school, looking for any opportunity to swoop in and kill us. How safe is this place, really?”
“I don’t know. It’s scary, to be sure. I would guess we’re already as tightly locked up as we can be. The Scourge has become such a threat to humans, and they’re somehow able to elude their fellow dragons to get at us.”
“Patience, what if they attack the Indestructible City? I mean, it’s a huge target.”
“I’m worried about that. I mean, the Invincible Lord keeps talking about how we can fight off any dragon that approaches us with our weaponry. But anyone with sense knows we’d have to be extremely lucky to actually kill a dragon with the ballistas. And if they attack in a group we’d basically be doomed.”
“I guess we should ask, how much longer can the Scourge dragons avoid the dragons who are trying to arrest them?”
“They’re either really good at evading detection or… have some kind of way of getting around without being seen. Something like the invisibility cloak the Tunnel Ghosts were using.”
“Oh yeah! I kind of forgot I still had that. It’s still in my pouch.”
“I’d hold onto that,” Patience explained, “Animus-enchanted objects are really valuable. But anyway, it is very strange how no dragon seems to know who the Scourge is. Someone would have to know him or her.”
“I don’t know. It’s just like Winter said, the fact that we don’t know who they really are makes them a lot more scary.”
Around them, the students stood, bellies sated, to head out of the dining room. “Well,” Bailey said as she approached Buck and Patience, “Somehow we’ve reached the end of our first day. Schedule says we should go to the Great Hall to ‘mingle’ with the dragons.”
“Sure,” Patience said, “I bet a lot of them are going to want to talk with Buck, now that they know he has an Animus power.”
“Well, let’s get that over with.”
Back in the Great Hall, dragons and humans stood among each other. Buck joined them, and saw multiple dragons looking straight at him, and one MudWing broke off from his friend group to move towards him.
“Can I ask,” the dragon began, “What it felt like when your ‘ability’ turned on? I’ve heard Animus power feels like a rush, like you can do anything. It must have felt awesome!”
“No, not really,” Buck answered, “If anything it felt terrifying. I mean, I was seconds from having a dragon fire-blast me and all my friends. It didn’t feel like I could ‘do’ anything at all.”
“Yeah, that makes sense. My name’s Swan.”
“I’m Buck, though you probably already knew that.”
“Yeah, you are kind of starting to be well-known around the school and all—”
“So it’s you, huh?” a voice growled from behind him. Buck turned to see Bulrush there. For some reason, his scales were caked in dirt and dust. His face gleamed with anger, and Buck swallowed. “So you just have ‘magic’ powers to beat up dragons?”
“Uhh, no,” Buck tried to remain calm, “Clay’s the one who did all the beating up.”
“COWARD!” Bulrush roared, loud enough to ruffle Buck’s hair.
“What is your problem?” Swan stood firm behind Buck, “Does it matter if Buck somehow managed to kill the attacker?”
Bulrush chuckled darkly, and began to stalk closer towards Buck, who cautiously stepped back into Swan’s talons. “What’s his ‘problem?’ Well, I can think of one. Ever since I got to this blasted Academy it’s humans this-- humans that-- meanwhile I’m forced to accommodate those pesky little mice at every turn, and it’s always my fault when things mess up!”
Bulrush got right into Buck’s face, and the boy began to sweat. He had nowhere to run. He was boxed in by Swan’s and Bulrush’s talons, and no adult dragons seemed to be in sight.
“Well there little scavenger,” Bulrush continued, “How’s about you use your fancy protection power to save yourself from this!!”
The MudWing roughly snatched Buck in his talon, and Buck realized that he was in very real danger. Attempting to follow the bully’s advice, he tensed every muscle in his body, and tried to concentrate on his power, wherever it lived in his body. He could not find it. Buck felt Bulrush’s talons tighten around his abdomen, which began to curtail his ability to breathe. Realizing his power was not coming, he began to cry out, and kicked his legs, futilely struggling in the dragon’s grip.
“HEY!” he heard Swan shout in Dragon, “Put Buck down!”
Swan attempted to come closer, potentially to wrestle Buck out of Bulrush’s talon, but the latter freely offered Buck to him. “Here, wanna play Tug-of-War with him? First to split him in half wins!” That got Swan to back off, likely realizing that if he attempted to fight Bulrush he could cause Buck to get hurt.
Buck meanwhile went cold, realizing just how little his life meant to this dragon. He looked around him to see both humans and dragons alike staring in horror, but frustratingly, still no adult dragons or guards had shown.
Bulrush held Buck up to his face, smiling with sadistic intent. “So where’s your protectors now, huh? Where’s your precious teachers? Where’s your friends? I bet your poor mommy and daddy are going to be so sad when they hear what I did to you!”
That did it. Did he just… invoke my parents…? He felt his whole body tremble, the heat rising in his face.
“So where are they, huh? Where are your parents? Aren’t they going to come rescue their poor lost little cub—”
“MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!!” Buck roared, in Dragon, straight into Bulrush’s face. Despite his voice not reaching anywhere near the volume of a dragon, Bulrush seemed to suddenly become limp, stepping back several times, his proud, sadistic face suddenly melting into a dawning horror, beginning to tremble.
Bulrush’s talon loosened enough that Buck soon fell to the floor, and Buck dashed away, breaking down as he went, holding back sobs and tears as long-lost memories of his beloved parents came to the surface, along with the horror and soul-breaking loneliness that came with losing them. Buck tucked himself into a small corner of the Great Hall behind the gong and began to scream, loud enough to reverberate off of the surface of the nearby gong. He screamed out all his pain, his loneliness, his hatred for dragons. He screamed until his throat hurt, and the dragons and humans could do nothing but watch, before their heads turned to glare at Bulrush.
Bulrush, meanwhile, stood in the middle of the hostile crowd, appearing almost unaware of his surroundings. As Buck continued to cry, he slowly attempted to step towards Buck, but both Swan and another MudWing stepped in front of him, forcefully blocking him from advancing. “Haven’t you done enough to him?” Swan growled at the shell-shocked Bulrush.
And at that moment, an adult finally arrived, in the form of Sunny. “What’s going on, is someone hurt?” she panned her gaze towards the still-screaming Buck, tucked behind the gong, then to the crowd of dragons. “What happened?” she asked again.
Multiple dragons pointed at Bulrush, who stood stock-still at the center of everything. “I-I’m sorry…” he breathed, “I… didn’t know…”
Sunny sighed. “Bulrush, come to my office and explain what exactly you just did to Buck. Buck, you should come with me as well, to tell your side of the story.”
Bailey, meanwhile, had finally managed to climb up to where Buck was perched, and she surrounded her brother in a deep hug, soothing him. “Hey, Buck, it’s okay, he’s gone and I’m here.” Buck’s emotion gradually petered out, exhausted by the continuous outburst, and he returned the hug, standing to his feet along with Bailey. “Let’s head with Sunny, okay?” Buck nodded, and stepped down off of the ledge, following at a deliberately far distance behind the dragons, towards the far side of the Academy.

I'll start by saying that I take responsibility for my actions.
We were together for years; she was sweet, innocent, and loved passionately. I was her first true love. The good times were really good, and though we had some bad times, nothing was too severe.
She was the one who ended it. Before she did, she told me she had slept with someone else, which was devastating but honest. The breakup hurt me to my core. We had no contact for three years. Deep down, I still loved her and hoped we could reunite, as foolish as that sounds.
After three years, I decided to contact her, apologizing for my part in our issues. She was seeing someone (casually) at the time but continued to reply to my messages. I told her my intentions and mentioned that it seemed disrespectful to the other guy. She said she enjoyed our conversations, and the whole thing, which I found strange, as she didn't take any accountability. Kind of blamed me for everything.
She called me, and we talked for over four hours, laughing, crying, and opening up. She felt I hadn't put enough effort into our relationship back then, giving an example of me never giving her flowers, even though I had many times.
Anyway, she said she's open to me trying. I want to say that again, she is open to me trying.
A week went by with texting, and I decided to send her flowers—three bouquets on the same day at different times. I wrote, "Today is rainy and grey; hope the flowers made yours a bit colorful." She replied, "No, I did not enjoy the flowers; it made me uncomfortable. That was out of line, and I want you out of my life."
I will probably never understand how someone can take it the way she did. Regardless, throughout that week, I realized how much she had changed. She was not the same person at all. I had hoped she would've changed and developed for the better, but it was the opposite. I'll spare the details out of respect, but I was so disappointed in the person she had become.
Long story short, even though I still had some feelings for her, her reaction and everything else showed me it was not worth investing in, and I was not missing out at all. To be honest, I felt relief and moved on without looking back.
The only thing I don’t understand is how a person can change that much. She was deeply in love, and her family liked me. I don't know what I want to say with this or why I'm writing this Tobe honest. Can anyone relate?
EDIT: I didn't really clarify enough. I know for a fact that her casual boyfriend wasn't there, as in he lives in another country. They have never met in person. I don't even know how that works, hence why I said she sees someone casually.
I was in two different relationships during the three years, so it wasn't like I didn't move on. I just had some feelings left for her deep inside and kind of hoped she did too.