My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, so crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.

My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, do crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.

First / Previous
So, everyone in town saw what had happened at the zoo on the morning news. Luckily, it seemed Andrew was a master of spin with authorities, so while the word spread like wildfire, everyone simply said, “Boys will be boys” and nobody blamed us. There was also no actual footage inside the zoo, only establishing shots, emphasizing the fact that this was private property and we could decide who to let in, and that did not include reporters. Andrew apparently only spoke once to those at our gate the next morning.
They were told that it was a rare territorial bear, who was even more protective than usual because she currently had cubs, having been impregnated to help the species grow. And there was no footage of the small fence that served as the only visible barrier, and no one doubted the police’s report, so that was that. Everyone was left to believe the two boys hadn’t just been foolish enough to break into a zoo and go into an enclosure, but that they had chosen the enclosure of a bear.
‘Everyone’, by the way, included my dad. For Stanley, however, I had written a note. I hadn’t wanted him to be ambushed at school about what happened, but I took the coward’s way out rather than waiting for him to wake up. Instead, I fell asleep at about 6 a.m. like I usually do after my shift. In the note, I apologized for what happened and for not being able to keep his friends safe. I went with the same bland cover story as the news.
Dad knew I tended to wake at a little after 1 p.m., though my alarm was set to wake me at two in the afternoon if I overslept. So, he took a late lunch from his job and came home when he knew I’d be up for the special occasion of freaking out at me for a few minutes. I’d just finished my breakfast when he walked in through the front door.
“I saw what was on the news, but what in the hell happened?” he snapped. “You’ve been working with these animals for weeks now. Are you saying this could have been you?”
“If I had about half as many braincells, sure,” I told him. He glared at me and I glared back defensively. “There’s a reason I’ve been working there for weeks and I’m fine. There are rules, and I follow them, not to mention I have my taser and pepper spray. But those are literally supposed to be used on intruders. The fact that I wish I’d tasered one of those boys instead of-”
I cut myself off, not wanting to start crying again like I had as I’d tried to get to sleep the previous night. Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes and let it out slowly before reopening them and looking to my father, who’d released some of the tension in his stance at the sight of this clearly affecting me. “This isn’t about me,” I growled. “It’s about two kids who didn’t listen when I told them they couldn’t come into the zoo. Who literally climbed the fence, went over to the nearest enclosure, and strolled on in as I continued to tell them over and over that they needed to leave.”
“I understand that part of all this,” my father told me. “What I don’t understand is how it happened. Were they really so stupid that they walked past the signs saying it was a bear enclosure?”
I shook my head tiredly. “There are no signs,” I told him. “There don’t need to be signs because the private parties who pay for a tour have a tour guide with them. That’s my boss. He talks about the animals and answers questions.”
He finally fell into a chair at the table I was sitting at, adjacent to me, letting out a long sigh of pent-up exhaustion that had clearly been simmering since that morning. “Listen, Rip, I don’t want you to be doing a dangerous job just because it pays well,” he said. “Is that what this is?”
“No,” I said softly. “I mean, the pay is part of it, I won’t lie, but this is…important. The animals are important. I’m putting together enrichment ideas right now. The first one went great, so I’m going to try all the others on my next shifts. And the animals are treated really well. The owner sincerely cares about them; it’s obvious from how much effort she put into building this zoo for them.
“And it’s not just that the money is good; I genuinely enjoy my job. Most of it has been sitting and reading, checking the cameras, and I’ve been able to watch the animals. Like I said, I can’t talk about them, but they’re incredible. This job is important, and…” It took me a moment to finish what I wanted to say. “I want to do important things. With all the horrible shit people do every day, I’m in a place where what I do matters and I see the results, and it…it’s awesome.”
My father stared at me for a long moment before looking away, having some internal debate. “Okay,” he finally said quietly. Some crumpled up tension in my chest released when he spoke that word. “If you say you’re not in danger, I trust you. And I get how much pride you have for what you do. I don’t want you to quit when you’ve been so happy there. It’s clear to me that it makes you genuinely happy.”
I blinked. “Really?”
He managed a small smile as he met my gaze. “You kidding? You got home one morning recently and instead of going to bed you made chocolate-chip pancakes, leaving them in the fridge with a little note that said, ‘For my favorite brother and favorite dad’. The only time you cook is on our birthdays. Not to mention you complain less. Even working in the back of a store, you always had someone who bothered you. Now, with no coworkers to deal with and working with animals, I hear no complaints, not even about your boss. I’m not sure how much you’re familiar with the average person, but pretty much all of them have some sort of complaints about their boss.”
“Right.” I gave a half-smile and shrugged. “He seems like good guy. Always was, from the start. And yeah, he’s the only one I work with. And he didn’t even…” My voice trailed off as my brain caught up with what I was saying.
“Rip?” my dad prompted.
I sighed. “So…he didn’t blame me. For what happened.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Why would he blame you? This wasn’t your fault.”
Leaning back in my chair, I wrung my shirt in my hands. “I didn’t stop them,” I told him. “I could’ve backed up my threats to tase them or spray them-”
“Oh no, no no no,” my dad told me. “I don’t want to hear that. You’re thinking this is about how you back off from confrontation, right? You were wary about this job because of the ‘security guard’ label. You mentioned that. Is that what you’re getting at?”
“Yeah.”
“Ripley, look at me.” I did so. “You are not responsible for what happened to those boys,” he said, his voice soft but firm.
I took a breath. “Okay,” I said.
That’s why my dad is so great. He gets me. Do you have a parent who gets you? If not, I suggest you get a surrogate, because that is a role that can make your life infinitely better if it’s filled with someone competent.
I know I mentioned I take pain pills for an old shoulder injury. What I didn’t mention was what happened to me that put me in this state. High school was a bit difficult for me, because I’m asexual. The fact that I knew that by the time I was sixteen, thanks to the internet, probably saved me a lot of trouble in life, but being ace as a teenager meant saying no to boys. One of them took offense to that. I don’t like talking about it, but he got a four-year stretch in juvie/prison. That means he’s out now but, thankfully, he did move to another state.
He didn’t rape me, if that’s what just came to mind, but I ended up in the hospital after he physically assaulted me, including repeatedly kicking me while I was down, literally. To this day I have chronic nerve pain, and occasional numbness and tingling, in my left shoulder. I also have a chronic issue of being hesitant to stand up to people. Great characteristic for someone who’s supposed to be a security guard, right? Except if I’d said that out loud, my father would’ve pointed out that Andrew told me my weapons were for defense, not offense. And he’d be right.
My dad shook his head and pushed himself back to his feet. “I’ve got to get back to work. Just…” Rubbing his hands over his face, he blinked a few times, trying to dislodge everything that was bothering him from his brain. “If you do ever have a moment there where you’re unsafe, promise me you’ll quit, okay? No job is worth your life.”
I stared at him for a few moments, unsure of what to say. When I’d first met Yui, I’d been terrified, but had I actually been unsafe? Well, no, as was proved by the wards keeping her from me. So, I let myself sink into the feeling of being loved and cared for by my dad, which put a genuine smile on my face. “I promise,” I said. And I hoped I wasn’t lying.
I know that I’ve complained a lot about other people being stupid, so I hope that I’m not being stupid. You might understand why I have such disdain for our species, but at this point you know it’s not because of excessive ego issues. Though I’ll admit to having a larger ego than typical. If you don’t understand, all you have to do is look at us, and I don’t mean look at what we do to the planet, which is bad enough. I mean look at us.
Do you know why places all over the country have problems with bears getting into their garbage cans? It’s because there’s a significant overlap between the smartest bear and the dumbest human. That’s not an exaggeration; look it up. Us wildlife biology majors have tried our best, and the perfect garbage bin has yet to be designed.
It bothers me like a sibling sitting next to you who would continuously poke you until you boil over and punch them. Stanley went through a phase when he was a kid where he was a little shit who’d do stuff like that. But the worst is when they try to use logic to justify something completely absurd, looking like a three-year-old with Lincoln Logs, presenting a house and declaring it fit for their hamster to live in when it could collapse if you breathed on it.
With Gary and Shaun, it wasn’t just that they hadn’t known what was in the enclosure they’d wanted to go into, but that they’d kept pushing me away when I tried to keep them from it. And so, getting back to the security office tonight was a bit surreal. I didn’t know if I was supposed to call Andrew again, discuss the incident, or whether it was best to just assume things were taken care of.
Actually, I already knew they were, to some extent. Andrew said Suzanne had gone to see the parents of the boys in person and was going to cover all funeral costs, no matter what the parents wanted done. That was a huge deal, considering how much that industry tries to squeeze out of you when a loved one dies.
While we’re on that topic, all of that doesn’t make sense to me. We are supposed to preserve our bodies, which are completely decomposable, and then put them in airtight boxes priced at ten thousand dollars?
That was not my area, though, and I was glad for it. I’ve been trying as hard as I can to put their deaths out of my mind, though I’ve only been marginally successful. Most of what I’m going over again and again was what I could’ve done differently. I determined that I could have kept them from going in the enclosure by tasering just one of them, and that would’ve been better than nothing. So, it was decided. If anyone ever tried it again, they were getting zapped. Even if they tried to sue us, I don’t care. It wasn’t worth their lives.
Today, though, my mind was occupied with enrichment activities.
Andrew told me about the animal in enclosure nine in passing, saying that he wished the boys had chosen that one. Apparently the consensus is that whoever on Earth invented the chupacabra must’ve seen one of these, because it was vampiric, preferring goats as its prey. Not that it wouldn’t go after humans, blood was blood, but it would’ve given me a chance to save the boys, since it would have taken time to drain enough blood to be fatal.
In regard to the enrichment for enclosure nine’s animal, I was thinking about hanging bags of blood from trees and letting it pounce on them in midair, tearing them down. They’d be made from extra thick plastic, of course, so blood wouldn’t go everywhere. But honestly, nothing beat the fact that all the animals received live prey to hunt, so that wasn’t exactly an innovative idea.
I settled on olfactory enrichment, which was a strategy that used objects that smelled like cooking extracts, spices, and/or fresh herbs. Essentially, the equivalent of engaging its brain in that part of hunting, but with toys instead. That would have to wait until I could see it, though, so I put my notes aside in anticipation of another boring shift.
However, two hours later I had some more excitement when I saw my next animal. I wasn’t sure how fast this was supposed to happen, but things seemed to be moving quickly. At least compared to Andrew’s estimate of three months. Maybe he meant that was the point at which I would become comfortable with the animals as animals, but I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever get to that point. They’re too spectacular.
My encounter was different, in that I didn’t see the animal first; I saw its prey. There were a handful of animals I’d seen wandering around the enclosures, including the typical ones like squirrels and rabbits to ones that had been put in there purposefully to be hunted like goats and sheep. Allegedly there were also deer, but I hadn’t seen any of those.
I was walking my route and passing the small lake when I heard the roar again. The one that prickled at the hairs on the back of my neck, thrumming through my body and priming me for fight or flight. Slowing to a stop, I kept my flashlight off, since the lamps gave off plenty of that red glow I’d become accustomed to. Then, I saw a shadow start to rise out of the lake and realized it was coming up onto the shore.
“Holy shit,” I muttered under my breath, taking a couple steps back instinctively.
Roger had named this one Fiona and called her a seal-hippo, and I could see why. She was amphibious with a round head, long neck, and the body of a hippo, though unlike hippos, I knew for a fact she wasn’t a vegetarian. She had short, sharp tusks, shaggy fur instead of the smooth skin of a seal, and her flippers had claws. Those claws could easily disembowel any prey it went after.
She seemed to be curious about me. Eyes that seemed too small for her head faced forward and locked onto me, which froze me in my tracks. Her jaw spread wide in a yawn, revealing teeth fit for a carnivore and I jerkily took two more steps backwards. My heart pounded in my chest and I blinked rapidly to keep focusing on her rather than avert my gaze, as my instincts were urging. Her front flippers were probably eight feet from tip to tip, and I feel like she must never have problems killing anything, whatever her prey of choice was. Her eyes flashed under the red lights as she scanned the area around me and then trundled further forward, vibrating the ground, which I felt through my shoes.
This was the point where my mind made connections to Jurassic Park. It just felt like this thing was from another epoch. Then she roared.
For those of you who don’t know, there is something called ‘infrasound’. Essentially, it’s a sound found in the roars and snarls of animals like big cats and bears, and our hindbrains have earmarked it so we panic if we hear it. Funnily enough, it’s often found in older buildings, the deep resonance of an elevator built fifty years ago turning out to be one of the reasons people ‘feel’ a place is haunted.
That’s what I felt, deep in the pit of my stomach. I knew that’s what I was feeling. This thing was a predator, I was prey, and there was nothing I could do about it. So, I didn’t. I watched it for a few minutes as it lumbered around, scanning its surroundings, no doubt smelling things that my dinky little nose would never detect. After a while, once my heartbeat had slowed to merely double its typical rate, I managed to get full control over my legs again and slowly turned, keeping the animal in my peripheral vision as I continued on my way.
And yes, of course, there was a little part of my mind that had the same awe you saw in the faces of the main characters in Jurassic Park when they see brachiosaurus grazing in a field. This job has its ups and downs, and its downs are way down, but its ups are way up. It’s a hell of a gig.
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05/05/24 107.4 kg
12/05/24 104 kg
On Friday 03 May 2024 a FB Spam message catches my eye from MedExpress about several products including Mounjaro (MJ), the latest GLP-1 agonist. This offers benefits for NIDDM and weight loss and intuitively feels like something right for me. I read a little about it and complete their online questionnaire. Shortly afterwards I decide to order it. £149 for a month’s supply seems good value to me. The side effect profile looks good and my risk of a thyroid tumour which the lab rats got doesn’t feel very high! I do nevertheless note the things to keep an eye on for the weeks ahead. Later that day they ask me for proof of ID and a head to toe full length Selfie to confirm I am as obese as I say I am. Taking a full length Selfie proved logistically difficult but the large upstairs mirror saved the day. I am pleased that they take their Clinical Governance seriously having previously chaired the Trust’s CG Committee and my confidence in the online medication provider increases. Of note some online platforms confirm a minority of people who want to take these drugs for a couple of weeks before their summer holiday to shed a few pounds.
Royal Mail Special delivery arrives early on Saturday morning and I decide I will take my first dose on Sunday. Gabi and I share our dinner on Saturday and we enjoy sharing a nice bottle of red wine. I have had an interesting relationship with alcohol for most of my life, drinking more than was good for me. I have no idea what impact MJ will have on that but I am curious to find out.
First thing Sunday I weigh myself. I decide to weigh myself once a week to keep an objective record of my weight loss. Whilst I am hopeful of a number of health benefits, weight loss is top of the list. I don’t initially have a specific goal in mind but weighing in at 107.4 kg it is clear that I have plenty to lose although I am pleased to note I don’t feel under any pressure to have to lose it quickly or by a specific date. The clinical trials with MJ quote data up to 72 weeks and that helps set a realistic idea that this will take many months as a minimum.
The starting dose is low at 2.5mg which I inject in to my ample belly easily and with no pain. The instructions are clear and come with some helpful diagrams which allow me to inject myself with confidence. That might sound odd being a doctor by training. Two thoughts come to mind. Firstly I don’t recall ever giving a SC injection to a patient let alone myself. Secondly I want to get it right; a natural anxiety I suspect many people have when they undertake a new adventure and especially when it is one of great importance to them.
The first thing I notice is an almost immediate suppression of my appetite. I no longer feel hungry. Can this be possible I ask myself? This kicked in within an hour or so of my injection. The doctor in me wonders if this is a Placebo effect. Surely it can’t work that quickly? I quickly drop this thinking and simply embrace my gratitude for a new perspective on things and accepting that I am not hungry is all that matters to me.
I am pleased to report that not feeling hungry continued for the next five and a half days. On Friday evening before dinner I started to feel hungry for the first time that week. Nothing serious, just a healthy “normal” hunger which didn’t overwhelm me or tempt me to snack on my old favourites such as cheese or bread and butter peanut. No this was just an acknowledgment that it was time to eat something and I was glad when dinner was ready an hour or two later. A similar thing happened on Saturday evening and again this passed peacefully without any drama.
The second thing I have noticed all week is how quickly I feel full once I start eating. I am eating approximately half of my usual portion and if and when I have put more food on my plate than I need I have chosen to leave it. Significantly this again has been effortless, natural and has not attracted any conditioned thinking about wasting food, the starving children of the world or what by long deceased grandmother might have to say on the matter. My diet hasn’t changed radically and was always healthy. Everything is cooked fresh, very little processed food and very little sugar. I just ate too much before. I never had an off switch. MJ seems to have moved that internal switch for me and for that I am again very grateful. Are some people’s brains wired differently?
As an illustration of this Gabi wanted a BBQ on Saturday night. The menu consisted of Wagyu beef burgers, grilled halloumi, grilled avocado, grilled sweetcorn and vegetable kebabs. I cooked the dinner and we sat outside in some welcome sunshine. Despite being good beef, I found the meat greasy and unappetising so I left half of it. I had already decided not to have a bread roll. I enjoyed the avocado, some vegetables and one piece of halloumi. A few bites of the sweetcorn was enough. I was full and just stopped eating. There was left over cheese. I can assure you that has never happened before!
Another thing I have noticed is the sensation of feeling bloated, even after eating what for me are small portions. In reality my belly has already begun to shrink but nevertheless the sensation is there. That agin seems to have helped with my portion sizes as I feel physically full quickly as well as emotionally satisfied. Feeling full most of the time including for example when I wake up has meant I have been eating less often. Typically that has meant eating twice a day, usually a late morning brunch and then dinner around 6-7. I have found myself drawn to a high protein, low carb diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, seeds and nuts. On the odd occasion I was a little hungry mid afternoon, a few raw nuts or a piece of fruit hit the spot nicely. In general though my desire to snack has gone. I used to have a habit of wandering in to the kitchen for no apparent reason. I would literally catch myself in there looking for something to eat. I wasn’t hungry and sometimes I don’t remember how I ended up there but before I knew it another slice of cheese and bread with peanut butter would have been cut and quickly eaten. The aimless kitchen grazing has thankfully gone too.
Many people on the forums I have read talk about the absence of “food noise.” I don’t know what they mean by the term but I can guess. My own experience is that I no longer think about food. A ridiculous amount of mental energy was previously spent on all things food related. That is no longer the case. The internal chatter has gone. A second benefit for me is the lack of “alcohol noise.” I am not thinking about alcohol which again could and did occupy far too much bandwidth. I am curious to see how this develops. I haven’t committed to going alcohol free again at the moment but given how little I am eating, I wonder when a nice glass of wine is offered will I say yes? If so how will it taste, how much will I drink and crucially will it counteract the MJ and increase my appetite for food in general and/or the foods I am no longer interested in such as cheese?
Put more simply, having no food or alcohol noise has allowed me to live an even bigger percentage of my life with a quiet mind and beautiful feelings.
A quick note on side effects. Basically none. A slight change in bowel habit but nothing worthy of comment.
My relationship with food has changed. My relationship with my body feels different. My appetite feels very different to the extent that sometimes I have had to remember to eat. For the first time I can recall, food is just a thing in my life. It no longer has a hold over me, it is not bestowed with special powers it is a fuel to keep me alive and crucially I am drawn to the foodstuffs I know are good for me not simply because that’s what every Sunday newspaper tells me but because my own Wisdom and intuition guides me every day, moment by moment.

hi!! i’ve never posted anything here before and im not very well-versed in reddit so im sorry about any mistakes. i quite like understanding things through diagrams so i thought i would make on explaining how the mbti cognitive functions work(or at least how i understand them so far). i will attach a photo of my diagrams and explain what im trying to get across with each one. i apologise for the length!!!!
the drawings are in fact ridiculous looking but hopefully you can see my intention behind it. so! the basic idea of all of them: 1. the extroverted functions are enclosed in this eye-like shape. this is to emphasise the users of these functions looking outward, into the external world. 2. the introverted functions are enclosed in a brain-like shape. this is to emphasise the users looking inward, into the internal world. this is not to mean that introverted functions cannot see or experience the external world or the extroverted functions don’t have an internal world. it is simply where their attention lies. 3. outside of these shapes i have scribbled. this is to describe a blurred inner and outer world respectively. their attention does not lie outside of their shapes. 4. i repeat a couple shapes as they represent different concepts. the question marks mean like ideas, abstract concepts, theories. whereas the bin(trash can), dog and person represent physical objects, beings, tangible experiences etc.. the hearts, stars, clouds and other shapes are representations of impressions of harmony and discord felt by certain experiences and people. 5. lastly number 5, i forgot to dry draw the internal thinking part within the Fe block but just imagine its in that blurry part of it oops
okay so each type: Si- rely on inner experience and IMPRESSIONS informed by blurred external ideas and concepts
what did you see yesterday? Si forms a impression the dog, what in particular sticks out to Si about the dog and unclearly generates ideas of what the dog could look like or what the colour the dog may like to look at. what features Si sees COULD mean. (Si thinking of the answer) this is a TINY dog, this is a TIRED dog, this is a THIRSTY dog. it focuses on the impressions of it, and what Si WANTS to focus on. (Si answering) a little dog doing quite poorly
Se- rely on an UNCHANGED experience of reality and the tangible external world informed by blurred previous personal ideas and meanings
Se sees the entire dog objectively and unclearly fits any meanings it has to reality or things the dog could possibly do. it is an objective experience of the dog. so what did you see yesterday? (Se thinking of the answer) it is a tiny DOG, it is a tired DOG, it is thirsty DOG. the unclear ideas of what it could be(tiny, tired, thirsty) are picked up unknowingly and are only noticed when really focused on or compared with another object. it’s next to another dog that is clearly bigger so THEN is becomes the SMALL dog. but the important part is- (Se answer) a dog.
Ni- rely on inner, PERSONAL meaning and ideas informed by blurred scope of external world
Ni consciously connects meanings and possible implications off of a broad blurred scope. the inverse of Se. what did you see yesterday? (Ni thinking of the answer)it is thirsty, must’ve been hot that day, i smelled wet dog, there was a red sign with a monetary fine if you don’t do something. so it’s PROBABLY a dog? not too sure, but that makes the most sense with all that information. the important part was the ideas of what the thing might have been or done to become what is physically was. (Ni answering) ummm…. a dog….?
Ne- rely on POSSIBLE meanings and ideas informed by blurred impressions of reality
Ne intentionally generates many ideas off of previously lived but unclear reality. this dog gives me a lot of ideas because it’s different from dogs i’ve seen before… probably. so what did you see yesterday? (Ne thinking of the answer) a dog that was thirsty, or maybe it was trying to speak, or maybe it is a deaf dog and thought it was barking but really its mouth was just open, maybe it’s got locked jaw?? maybe i should tell the person asking me this all of the possibilities of what the dog was doing so maybe we could get to the bottom of this. (Ne answering) insert either long explanation or simply- a dog.(because they found something else that caught their eye in the middle of thinking and want to get this convo over fast enough to ponder the other thing)
i’m not very sure how to explain the thinking and feeling functions in these terms as they don’t really ‘perceive’ reality but just exist in it and inform the decisions you make in it. so i won’t as getting it wrong makes me want to throw up
Fi- rely on EXPERIENCED impressions informed by a blurred objective system Fe- rely on OTHERS’ impressions informed by a blurred experienced system Ti- rely on a decided UNDERSTOOD framework informed by an objective shared atmosphere Te- rely on adherence to a universal and FUNDAMENTAL working of reality informed by a personal impression of peace
if you find things i’ve missed or have just gotten completely wrong please let me know. i know this isn’t particularly useful to everyone but i thought maybe some people may understand things in the same way i do and maybe this will help them.

This isn't for if you're doing advanced stuff in Notion like using it to store documents or to run a business, but if you're just using Notion to manage your time and organize your life, in my experience, I think it can be a procrastination tool.
You can create a lot of plans, you can make a lot of workspaces and habit trackers, and plan this, and create that, but it doesn't actually get you further towards your goals, at least in my experience.
Most productivity apps are just procrastination tools, at least in my opinion, and there's only 1 tool you should use, Google Calendar.
To make progress in an area, you do the action needed to get towards that area. To get good grades, you study. To get in shape, you work out. To make progress in learning a skill, you practice that skill.
That's brutally obvious, but you want to minimize the barrier between thinking about taking action and doing the action.
If there's a million Notion workspaces, and I have to maintain all of them, then I'm less likely to actually study or work out.
If I'm less likely to do the thing that causes progress, because I'm too busy playing around in Notion to procrastinate, how effective is it really?
I've tried using Todoist, Asana, and to do list tools as well, but the problem with that is your to do list gets messed up, or there's too much tasks or it gets disorganized, so you stop using it.
I think habit trackers in a sense are ineffective, because I used loop habit tracker on my phone a while ago, but if the goal for something is to be ingrained as a habit, then ticking it on a habit tracker when it should be a habit for the rest of your life seems useless, and you don't track the habits you're already consistent in anyways. You don't need to track brushing your teeth or showering, so if working out is truly ingrained as a habit, you don't need to tick it off on a habit tracker.
So Notion is a procrastination tool, to do list is too hard to organize and manage, and it also doesn't account for time, habit trackers don't make sense because it's supposed to be a life-long habit you do for the rest of your life (whether journaling, meditation, working out, etc), so the only tool that I think is needed for organization is Google Calendar.
It's the lowest barrier that translates the thought to action, because you don't have to do much to maintain a calendar (you still have to maintain it but it's less effort to maintain it), and there's no external planning for 69 hours, you just timeblock what you're going to do, then do it.
The timeblock says workout at 6 am - 7 am, you work out at 6 am - 7 am. The timeblock says study math for 3 hours at 5 pm - 8 pm, you study for 3 hours at 5 pm to 8 pm.
If you only use Google Calendar as your single productivity tool, if you make it your legit girlfriend, you check up on it, you just stare at it whilst waiting in line for something, you don't cheat on it by using other apps, and you only use Google Calendar, you're automatically going to do the work and take action. It accounts for the planning, time, and action. By using Google Calendar, you're already planning the work you need to do, you don't need advanced workspaces to list out what you need to do in the day, the time is accounted for because you see the time and how much time you have left until bedtime, and you're taking action, because you literally can be a brain-dead monkey and know what to do just by following the calendar.
If you're only following the calendar, and it says at 9 PM - 10 PM, learn coding, and you actually follow the calendar every single day, in 5 months, you've been coding everyday for 5 months. If you timeblock 5 times a week to workout, and you follow the calendar, now you're consistent in the gym.
For some people it's hard to take action, and for others it's easy. I'm the former, by a landslide. So why amplify it? Why make it harder to do take action? If you're like me, you should make it easy to take action.
Google Calendar as your only productivity tool so there's no distractions or feelings of overwhelmedness, timeblock the action you need to do to get further in your goal, take that action.
If I only use Google Calendar, and there's no extra bs to worry about, and all I do is timeblock the entire day with the different things I'm going to do, like an adjustable daily schedule, then actually do those things (workout, study, code, etc), I'll actually make progress in those things.
I still might use Notion to store biology diagrams and different websites so I can access them on my phone, but I'm not using it as a tool that I expect to get work done with, I'm using it more as a storage tool. One and done, occasional use.
The only tool I use for productivity now is Google Calendar. I set the task, then do the task, with no extra distractions, because I want it to be easy for me to do the work. The only thing holding me back from doing the work with Google Calendar is willpower, because my day is fully timeblocked, I have a clear path of action I need to take, if I'm disciplined enough to do it, as in follow all of the timeblocks, then I'm automatically taking action.

Link to the first part for those not caught up. I’ll organise everything into a single Google doc at some point
Love is one of those subjects that always confuses a few creatures at every turn. It’s also a foundational element to grasp concerning Changelings, everything from its production to its consumption drives Phalanta forward, and the course of (changeling) history has been changed many times by it.
Beginning with the basics, explained in laygriff’s terms so we’re all on the same page: love is a substance created and consumed by changelings as our source of sustenance. It is tied with the emotion of affection felt by all creatures, but they are not “the same”; as in, the extraction of love from a creature doesn’t steal their capacity to love, contrary to a certain myth (although a creature might not be very loving after being bitten and harvested for food), but the amount of love harvested is often tied to how loving the creature is.
Love as a substance has two states: a material and an immaterial state. It is exerted by, and radiates out from, all sapient creatures (other than changelings) in its immaterial state, and changelings can soak up this love by holding proximity to, or extracted directly from such a creature when a changeling holds a bite on them. The material form of love is created by changelings through the process of melken. So far, the only state of matter achievable for love is as a liquid, but the possibility of boiling or freezing it has not been taken off the table.
Material love is what most think of when they think of “love”, and it is often depicted as a luminous pink, but this is a stereotype. There are in fact seven different, distinguishable “types” of love. Each of these exists in both immaterial and material forms, but are most distinct - and can be isolated from each other - in their material states. Each “type” has a unique colour, taste, properties, and availability. Elaborating on that last point, each type of love “grows'' in different environments. Some creatures have Agape, and some don’t. Eros can only be harvested under specific circumstances, while Storge is quite commonly found all over the place. Some types can only be harvested on the Maten farms, others need to be obtained by infiltrators.
The seven “types” of love are as follows:
Eros’ red is a pleasant sight to all changelings. It has the strongest flavour of all of the love types - an intoxicatingly-so one - and provides a large burst of strength when consumed. However, since the circumstances to harvest Eros means that it is the rarest, and as it is probably the most sought-after, it is in the greatest demand at all times. Eros does have an unfortunate property similar to alcohol: if consumed in large amounts it can cloud the mind and dampen the senses for long periods of time. Due to all the above factors, its sale and consumption is regulated. Due to it’s large energy burst, it’s often used “power up” mages preparing a taxing spell, or as a stimulant for
Philia practically glows with the pink colour that almost all can recognise. It is harvested in mass in the Maten farms due to its relative ease of collection, meaning that it is the most common type of love to be found. Philia tastes even, some have even described the flavour as “uninteresting” and “basic” compared to the others to be found. However, most agree that Philia has almost no faults. It forms a sturdy base to mix with other flavours, as it doesn’t overpower any of the other types; it’s consistently enjoyable; and it has no aftertaste (literally, no aftertaste, the flavour immediately disappears after it leaves the tongue, which could be seen as a flaw or a benefit). Philia doesn’t change all that much in terms of flavour when refined, and as such refining it for civilian consumption is usually just not done. Changeling armies, however, have typically used refined Philia for rations throughout history, when pillaging Maten farms was not an option.
Storge is an off-white colour, and is the second-most common type of love, being harvested in large quantities in the Maten farms. As a general rule of hoof, Storge is not used in mixtures with Philia, as their flavours are quite similar, and the experience is often jarring. Consider Storge to be an ingredient version of Philia, as opposed to a base, since it has a stronger, more prominent taste and doesn’t lack an aftertaste.
Agape, a bright yellow, is one of the tougher love types to harvest. On one hoof, creatures exuding Agape essence output a lot of it, and as such Agape tends to have the highest love-per-creature ratio. On the other, creatures from which Agape can be harvested are few and far between, and it can almost never be harvested on the farms, or in any meaningful quantities, at least. It has a flavour that hides when you aren’t looking for it, but is a great treat when on the tongue. For this reason it works well with Pragma, which allows it to have some perpetuation.
Ludus, a darkish orange, has both a bitter and sweet taste. It sits around the middle of the list of love types from common to rare. It’s relatively easy to harvest when a source of it is found, but finding such a source can be a bit long. In general, the Maten farms produce very little, and most of it comes from infiltrators, especially in Equestria. In its raw form, Ludus has little value, but when separated into Ludusüß and Ludarsch, it can be used for a variety of things. Ludusüß is sweet and potent, it perks changelings up, and gives a pretty big burst of energy. Ludarsch is a bitter liquid with few uses, mostly being a good sobering substance for changelings drunk on alcohol or even other types of love. Other than that, Ludarsch is viewed as a byproduct.
Pragma is a pleasant blue. It is not as plentiful as some of the other love types, since it is usually hard to harvest on the Maten farms, and most of it comes from infiltrators. Pragma has a slow-burning flavour that often is a great compliment to Agape. While there’s not much to say about it, Pragma was originally thought to have the capability to grant longevity. While experiments have since proven contrary, there is still an interest in pursuing further study into this myth to see if it holds at least some water.
Philautia has a light-green colour, and despite this is the second-least desired type of love. It is an odd love to harvest, only being able to be harvested through direct extraction. It is close to tasteless - in a bad way - and on the lower end of energising, although it is warming. Philautia is often given as pension to changelings who for one reason or another cannot get other types, and can often be found in the rations of soldiers relying on “living off the land”. However, it does have some medicinal properties, and with some refining it can be prescribed as an antidepressant. Finally, Philautia extracted from a creature, when consumed by a changeling, helps that changeling to better mimic the creature, a useful tool for infiltrators in replacer roles. With all the above facts, Philautia is the only type of love not available for free purchase on the market, its sale is limited to institutions licensed to distribute it.
You will notice that occasionally I mentioned types of love working together. Love is not just a static source of food that you just have, it would get boring quickly if that were the case. Much effort has been put into the trial-and-error process of creating unique mixtures, combining the different types in many ways, refining, mixing, splitting, imprinting, all to create so-called “Love Crushes” - or just a “Crush” - to make consumption more enjoyable. In times past, Crushes were mostly a thing for royalty; what changed that was the introduction of currency - and then enterprise - into Palantra in the 10th century, which allowed businesses to begin making them for drones to buy with their new Royals.
But let’s return from the sidetrack:
As previously mentioned, immaterial love can be soaked up by a changeling in proximity. The closer the better, but that also has other complications. Alternatively, a changeling can hold a draining bite on another sapient creature, allowing them to siphon away love from the creature directly. A creature on the other end of a siphoning is drained of physical energy as a consequence, if not outright killed by excessive siphoning. Either way, harvested love is stored in the love sac, located behind the brain and just above the roof of the mouth. In the love sac, immaterial love is converted into its material state, as part of a mess called raw love. Raw love is the unseparated mixture of whatever love types in whatever quantities hanging around. At any time, love from the love sac can either be diffused into the bloodstream directly, or extracted through a changeling’s fangs.
Raw love can be extracted through the fangs by notching the fang forward and squeezing the sac with the muscles around it. Raw love is a soup, an amalgamation of the different love types floating around in it. It is often overpowering and unpleasant to taste, and it is relatively weak compared to the sum of its parts.
This transitions into the topic of love refining. Initial, basic love refining is concerned with the separation of the different types of love. This is achieved by adding additives into a mixture of raw love. These additives bond with some of the types of love, and are used to increase the density of said types, allowing them to be removed from the raw love individually. For example, salt absorbs into Ludus and Eros, but not any of the others. By adding salt to raw love, it causes the density of the Ludus and Eros to increase, causing them to separate from the rest of the mixture and sink to the bottom. From there, once the Ludus/Eros mixture is isolated, water can be added, which absorbs a slight amount into the Eros, causing it to become more dense than both the water and the Ludus; meanwhile the water is less dense than the Ludus, causing it to settle between the Ludus and Eros. Boom, Ludus and Eros have been separated from the raw love and from each other.
However, these additives also contaminate the love, diluting its energy, and slightly polluting its taste. Thus, another method is required to remove the additives. Advanced love refining is a lengthy and complicated process that is unfortunately outside my area of knowledge, and if I did, they probably wouldn’t be riveting material for your brain’s consumption. All you do need to know is that love that has undergone the advanced refining process gives more energy and is purer in taste.
Finally, finishing up this section with the consumption of love.
The energy provided by love when consumed has two manifestations: a stored, longer-lasting energy, like what’s created when a different creature eats food; and an immediate burst of energy that dissipates quicker. Exactly how much of each energy is dependent on how much love is consumed and of what type.
I already explained what a consistently large consumption of love does in the previous chapter, and it’s obvious what a standard consumption does, so let’s talk about lack of love. What happens when a changeling doesn’t eat enough? Changelings that don’t eat a sustaining ration begin to suffer what is known as Lebendertod, which can only be described as a ravenous hunger. Those suffering from Lebendertod become more aggressive - volatile, one might say - and experience incredible hunger pains. The severity of this condition is dependent on how much they are consuming: a little bit will not be as severe as if they were not having any. Such changelings don’t starve in the traditional sense, they can withstand a long period in such a state, kept alive by traces of love drawn from the Hive (hivane) itself, although this is nowhere enough to sate the appetite of the void that Lebendertod is. After the Hive begins to run out of love to sustain all its members, the changelings of the hive start to simply snuff out, like a machine running out of battery: one moment they’re - lethargically - moving about, fully conscious; and then the next they… aren’t. It’s a horrible death that changelings fear the most, some religions even believe this form of death to cause complete annihilation for the soul of the victim.
It’s a genuine question I get asked, can changelings eat “normal” food? Changelings cannot subsist off of typical foodstuffs in their base form, with the little exception that a shapeshifted changeling that assumes the form of a creature with a working digestive system can digest standard food, although this is a highly inefficient method that requires constant maintenance of the form, otherwise the extracted nutrients are lost. Changelings do however still need to drink water to survive.
[The next page is a different grain from the rest of the book, and clearly has been stuck into it. It is attached to the remnant of a page that has been torn out. The foreign page has words written in neat hoofwriting instead of printed type like the rest of the book].

Maten

All other books I’ve found on the subject of changelings have one thing in common that they all miss: the existence of Maten and Maten farms. This is excusable, since I doubt any outsider has ever trotted into a Maten farm on their daily commute.
Maten are small, sapient creatures native to the Phalanta Basin. For the past ever, Maten has been the backbone of Changeling society. Currently, Maten love accounts for over 90% of all love consumed in the changeling hives, so without it, Phalanta would have shrivelled up and died pitifully long ago. There’s an adage back where I’m from: Any event in (changeling) history happened either for Maten or power, and Maten is power.
Standing erect, a typical Maten is about thirty-centimetres tall to their head, with ears that can reach another five. Maten typically move quadrupedal, but stand bipedal, and can manipulate their foredigits to interact with their surroundings. Their bodies are remarkably well furred (and makes great clothing), and they can easily survive at temperatures down to -10°C. Their noses are relatively underpowered compared to similar creatures, with small olfactory receptors. Counter to this, their sense of hearing is remarkably good, owing to their large ears, which are their only major heat-bleed.
Maten farms vary in size and methods as much as they vary in location. A glade deep inside the Nymark, a crater heated by geothermal springs near Purifia, a cliff shelf overlooking the ocean, these are all examples of farms. All that really matters is a stable source of food of building materials, an easily monitored area for the farm itself, and a nearby location for the base for the changelings harvesting the love and managing the farm.
Because it’s so easy to set up a farm, the only real bottleneck for new farms is getting enough Maten to start a new Maten colony. This isn’t usually a problem, as Maten multiply quickly. The development period is about three months, and the adolescent period is about two years. With a total average life of nine years, that means that a single pair of Maten can produce about 21 offspring over their life.
This multiplication is perpetually locked in a constant race against the ever-expanding changeling population, which in the last two centuries has come close to collapsing in on itself many times. A data leak following the Canterlot Coup revealed that 2% of Maten were killed in the ensuing chaos simply to satisfy love quotas, and that comes nowhere close to the Vesali-Vrak war of 938-945, during which some estimates put the slaughtered Vesali Maten at ~30% killed for love, and ~8% killed by or lost to Vraks. The result of the sheer drop in Maten after the Vesali-Vrak war almost paralysed Vesalipolis, and the newly crowned Queen Chrysalis was forced to strike an alliance with Ditrysium just to pull through the crisis; meanwhile Vraks experienced a second Trötthetens tid, and was forced to recoil for three decades before having any semblance of a fighting spirit again.

Love as a resource

In times past, love was used as a standard to value money to. Indeed, the first Vraksian Royals were minted to represent a value of love in lieu of having it (like credit) to allow the employment of larger workforces for industrial-size projects. It wasn’t until the Chrysalis’ queenship that love and currency separated in purpose. Today, the price for love is set at about 20 Hivgild (the national currency of the Confederation) for one 50ml vial of Eros, and its price is determined and maintained by the nation as opposed to typical supply & demand, ostensibly to keep it semi-affordable in the case of a famine.
In older days, typically the Maten farms were “owned” by the hive as a whole, and the queen was responsible for the organisation of them. In modern days, that responsibility has mostly been outsourced to independent corporations such as Skittler and Pheromor, who do the work of maintaining and growing the farms, while employing the workforce required to work them. However, hives often do keep a few personal farms so as to not completely rely on the companies.
At a national scale, love is measure in erots. An erot is a unit of measurement used to manage love at the national level. It is approximate to 10,000 bottles of eros (which it derives its name from) worth of love, and as such represents a large quantity of food: enough to feed an entire small hive for a day.
The national conversion rate - and thus the national prices - for the other types of love are in comparison to Eros, which serves as a standard. Those conversions are as follows.
1 vial of Eros = 6 vials of Philia
1 vial of Eros = 4 vials of Storge
1 vial of Eros = 3 vials of Agape
1 vial of Eros = 2 vials of Ludusüß, 6 vials of Ludarsch
1 vial of Eros = 4 vials of Pragma
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DISCLAIMER: I'd like to note that I do not consider myself an expert on many of the topics he talks about or even economics in general but a lot of what I'm about to say is pretty easily verifiable and basic, and I'll try to be clear that I'm expressing my opinion and not fact when I'm doing so. Given my lack of expertise, none of what I say here should be considered as the final authority on these topics, it's a reddit post for fucks sake, I encourage everyone to search up the relevant data and information on the topics they are interested in or claims they find dubious. It's really not that hard and all the links and data I'm gonna cite here took me less than five minutes to find for each piece of information. If you're not familiar with where to find this data it might take you longer but I promise that anyone with access to the internet can do the same thing I'm doing. Finally, for those looking for some opinionless, academic argument, that's not what this is, this is gonna sound like a rant because it is, I'm posting this for nothing more than my own satisfaction, take from it what you will.
Ok I'm writing this after I finished the whole thing and I said that I'd try to be clear that I'm expressing my opinion and not fact when I'm doing so and the basically entire second half of this is my opinion and I don't make that very clear so sorry about that.
Honestly I'd love to be wrong because I really do think that younger people are at a disadvantage compared to previous generations at the same age but the arguments he makes and the data he uses throughout his talk just sound like such bullshit to me.
https://www.ted.com/talks/scott\_galloway\_how\_the\_us\_is\_destroying\_young\_people\_s\_future?
https://www.profgalloway.com/war-on-the-young/
Scott Galloway recently did a Ted talk titled "How the US is destroying young people's future", as well as an accompanying blog post. He's made some fair points about how young people have been put at an inherent disadvantage and that they have it harder than previous generations. That's most likely true and I personally support that point of view, but the a lot data and numbers he makes this argument with seem to be cherry picked, misleading, or just straight up wrong. So let's break his talk down. u/JustTaxLandLol made a pretty good post about him comparing median wages to the S&P500 (https://www.reddit.com/badeconomics/comments/1cc3rs8/scott\_galloway\_compares\_median\_wage\_to\_sp500/) but I think that Galloway's mistakes are much more comprehensive than just that particular slide.
The first slide with data makes a claim about how pre-tax income, adjusted for inflation, has decreased across generations from grandparents to parents to kids, and that cost of public colleges and home prices have increased significantly across generations too. First of all, categorising generations by whether they have children or grandchildren is kinda nuts. That's a very wide, overlapping, range of ages. If he has actually fixed age ranges for each generation that don't overlap and just made these categorisations for the sake of understandability to a nonacademic audience, I still think that's the wrong choice but fine. However, his claim that real income has decreased across generations is weak at best. This working paper (https://www.federalreserve.gov/econres/feds/files/2024007pap.pdf) from the Fed Reserve was published February 2024, and from the figures that start at page 35, shows that by almost every categorisation they could think of, GenZ earns more at the same age than every previous generation before them. There's some conflict here with Raj Chetty's work but I don't have the time or knowledge to reconcile the two perspectives but at best, the pre-tax income numbers Galloway presents are questionable at best. Furthermore, he doesn't provide anyone a chance at even checking the sources he gets this information from. Not once in his entire talk does he cite a single source. He couldn't even have some tiny text at the bottom of his tables or diagrams saying what organisation he got this data from. Ok so that crossed out bit is wrong, he does have sources they're just very very faint and you can see them if you squint hard enough at the bottom left corner of his graphs. But the source he gives for this slide is a joke. Here's the link https://www.profgalloway.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Table-01.png
His "source" is his own analysis. Ok so by his analysis, the average cost of public college is 56000*0.43 = 24080. I'm gonna use numbers from this US News page (https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/articles/paying-for-college-infographic), which might not be the most reliable source in the world, but it's probably somewhere in the ballpark. So according to US News, average tuition for the 2023-2024 school year for out of state students going to a public school is 23,630 and 10,662 for in state students. If these numbers are anywhere near accurate, the only conclusion I can draw is that Galloway has cherry-picked his data by only including the cost for out of state students in his analysis. First of all, public schools in the US are there to provide affordable access to higher education FOR RESIDENTS OF ITS STATE. Using only out of state numbers is absolutely ridiculous. Secondly, even if he used only the in state numbers, 10662/56000 is approximately equal to 19%. So if I use his very very questionable pre-tax income numbers, cost of public college for in state students has still increased across his categorisation of generations. It's not like his point would have been invalidated if he had used the in-state numbers, a trend of tuition increasing as a percentage of real income across multiple generations is still very bad. This is my opinion but I guess that he just wanted to find a nice shocking number. I didn't catch this but in their post, u/JustTaxLandLol notes that later on Galloway says "real median income from labor is up 40% since 1974" so he's also contradicting himself in the same talk.
I couldn't be bothered to look into the house price to income column he has so I don't have any comments on that.
His next slide is a point about how the percentage of 30 year olds earning more than their parents did at 30 has been decreasing very significantly over time. This is from a paper in 2016 by Raj Chetty (link: https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.aal4617). I've seen some counterarguments about the methods used in the paper but there are counterarguments for basically every inequality paper in existence so I'd take them with a grain of salt. Those points are more complex than the scope of this post and I lack the expertise to be making them anyways so I believe this slide. I'll admit that Galloway makes a good argument for this slide.
Right after this slide he says "As a result, people over the age of 55 feel pretty good about America, but less than one in five people under the age of 34 feel very good about America. This creates an incendiary, righteous movement...". He supports this with data on the percentage of US adults who feel "extremely proud" to be American.
Before I talk about the data on this slide, I'd like to be a little anal about things and pick apart his wording and causal claims he makes. When Galloway says "as a result" he's making a causal claim about the relationship between a young person's earning ability and their national pride. Leaving aside the econometric issues of making random causal claims, this is a ridiculous marginalisation of all the other critically important issues in the US. It seems pretty clear to me that reduced national pride amongst younger individuals is a combination of a lack of social mobility (or however you want to word your version of the fading American dream), the continued existence of systematic racism and sexism, US response to ongoing conflicts in Ukraine and Gaza, bodily autonomy (abortion), and many other issues. Not to say that the economic disadvantages of young people doesn't play a role in causing this lack of national pride but come on. He also says "this creates an incendiary righteous movement...". Ok if the "as a result" from the last sentence could be interpreted as the economic disadvantages of young people play some part in their dissatisfaction with the government, it should be obvious to anyone not living under a rock that many of the political conflicts and movements that have erupted in the US over the past few years have little, if anything, to do with earning ability. In the slide after the poll data he shows three photos, one of a MeToo protest, one of a BLM protest, and another of a pro-Palestine protest. I can only interpret this as him making the claim that the younger generations economic difficulties are causally linked to those movements, which is totally bananas.
Now lets talk about the data. He got this from the Gallup polls (link: https://news.gallup.com/poll/394202/record-low-extremely-proud-american.aspx, there's a link to download the pdf with the poll numbers at the end of this article). There are 5 options for the Gallup poll: "Extremely proud"; "Very proud"; "Moderately proud"; "Only a little proud"; or "Not at all proud". So Galloway is cherry-picking again. To be fair, it's true that even including the rest of the answers, a quick glance at the data suggests (very strongly) that young people are less proud than older people. There are also more young people who choose "Not at all proud" (11% for 18-34 and 1% for 55+). Though there is probably some argument to be made about whether "extreme" pride is a good thing. Furthermore, "pretty good" and "very good" do not reflect the extremity of choosing, well, the most extreme option.
As an introduction to his next slide he says that "a decent proxy for how much we value youth labor is minimum wage". I've never heard of this before and am very very skeptical but I'm willing to attribute this to my own ignorance so I'll leave that sentence alone. So on this slide there's a graph with two lines, one is minimum wage across time adjusted for inflation, the other is whats supposed to be minimum wage if adjusted for productivity (also adjusted to inflation I assume). Galloway got this data form the Economic Policy Institute (EPI) (https://www.epi.org/productivity-pay-gap/), which shows that this gap between productivity began around 1979. This was when Carter was president and right before the Reagan administration. Those who know about the economic history of this time probably won't be surprised since a lot of the policies of this time were rather inegalitarian and heavily favoured the wealthy. I agree that many of the policies of the time contributed heavily to the inequality America faces today and though I haven't read any studies about how this affects minimum wage workers, I believe that minimum wage workers or low income workers in general today have significantly lower purchasing power relative to a few decades ago.
What I have a problem with here is the idea that productivity and minimum wage should increase in tandem. According to the EPI, "Productivity measures how much total economywide income is generated (i.e., for workers, business owners, landlords, and everybody else together) in an average hour of work" and "pay is defined as the average compensation (wages and benefits) of production and nonsupervisory workers. The pay for this group is one appropriate benchmark for 'typical worker pay' because production and nonsupervisory workers have made up roughly 80% of the U.S. workforce over the entire period shown in the figure and because the data for production and nonsupervisory workers exclude extremely highly paid managerial workers like CEOs and other corporate executives". Before I try to break down my complaints with the measures used, my immediate reaction when I saw this was that it seems rather stupid to compare the relationship between average productivity and minimum wage in an industrial economy against the same relationship in a service oriented one. There are just more jobs now that let you make an impact on the economy far beyond what you are paid and it is so so difficult to quantify this change. Using a similar argument, I really have no clue how macro people make models or do estimates for things like productivity but I'm quite skeptical about the reliability of using such a measure of productivity because of the increased prevalence of second, third, or n-th order effects that would be present in a measure of something like total gdp but pretty much impossible to identify for any employer. For those who want to read more about this difference between productivity and compensation I think this is the most relevant paper from EPI (https://files.epi.org/2015/understanding-productivity-pay-divergence-final.pdf). There are some points I'm not satisfied with in this paper like them attributing the entirety of the difference between median hourly compensation to average consumer hourly compensation but that would take more time than I want to spend on this.
Now we're still on the same slide. Galloway says "we've kept it [minimum wage] purposely pretty low" twice in three sentences. Now he's suggesting that there's some collective out there that has the political power and desire to keep minimum wage low. By "we" I think he means to suggest that the old-timers have banded together to screw the young people over. Ok buddy. I'm stepping outside the bounds of what's considered strictly economics here a little but pinning the injustices of society on some ethereal enemy whose existence can never be disproven is the same as taking "advantage of the flaws in our species with medieval institutions, Paleolithic instincts, and godlike technology" (Galloway's words, same TED talk) to me. Maybe there really is some cabal of scheming geezers out there who have some twisted desire to keep the minimum wage low, but I'm more inclined to believe that a lot of these "injustices" are a result of our existing political and societal institutions being poor and inefficient aggregators of our desires as a society, rewarding selfishness instead of cooperation. This certainly makes the problem harder to solve than if there were just some evil 'others' we could get rid of and be done with. Having a target to direct our outrage at, believing that I am good and they are bad, is easier than facing the reality that everyone is born with the selfishness that creates the injustices we live with but that's not gonna make people more agreeable. As an economist, I study the theory of incentives to use the same human selfishness that creates all the problems Galloway talks about to create solutions that hopefully improve our quality of life. This is what I believe is the beauty of being human, all the good and bad that happens stem from the same desires, it is our job to create institutions and systems that allow us to channel our desires in a way that benefits everyone, but I digress. The point is, this enemy that Galloway creates is an effective tactic at convincing people of his argument, but I don't believe such a perspective benefits society at all. Mistakes should be corrected, that doesn't mean they're always the result of ill intentions.
His next slide compares the difference between percentage increase in median household income against percentage increase in median home price, as well as a comparison of the median monthly mortgage between 2019 and 2024. I have nothing to say about the graph, I agree that over time, home prices have increased to an unacceptable level. The Fed funds rate went from 2.4 percent in Feb 2019 to 5.33 percent in Feb 2024 (https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/fedfunds). To his credit, Galloway does attribute this increase in mortgage payments to "an acceleration in interest rates" but what's the alternative? Don't increase interest rates? Then if I was Galloway I'd make the same TED talk and talk about how the continued low interest rates contributed to rampant inflation that made all the poor people even poorer. It seems like he's decided to take whatever bad economic event that seems somewhat relevant and made it to be the result of some group's dogged determination to keep the younger generation down. Why is the increase from pre- to post-covid prices on anything surprising. I'd like to meet the genius who saw covid coming and intentionally created this increase in home prices.
He also says "the most expensive homes in the world, based on this metric, are number three, Vancouver. Why? Because 60 percent of the cost of building a home goes to permits...". I have no idea what point he's making here. Based on what metric, median home price? Monthly mortgage payments? Why do I care about Vancouver, a Canadian city, being number three? Then he talks about how "the incumbents that own assets have weaponized government". Either he's switched to talking about oligopolistic lobbyists in general without saying so or he's still talking about Canada. I dunno. Someone please explain. Then he says "this is the transfer I'm going to be speaking about". Also, everything he just said is talking about how there exists a group of people trying to PREVENT transfers of wealth to new entrants. And there was huge applause after that sentence. Nutsos, all of them.
Ok next slide. Galloway presents two pie charts, comparing the share of household wealth by age in 1989 to 2023. So he's talking directly about inequality in wealth now. Inequality in the US is really really bad, that's a fact. I'm a big fan of the work of Emmanuel Saez, Gabriel Zucman, and Thomas Piketty. These people have been at the forefront of research on inequality for many years now and though their work is not flawless, I'm convinced by the data they present and the methods by which they have aggregated the data and what they show is that inequality is worse than even what the pie charts Galloway presents suggest. However, this is not to say that Galloway makes a valid argument. Please note the grey bits in the pie chart. If Galloway has shown the numbers for everyone under 40 and above 70, the group that's excluded are those between 40 and 70. So those in the age range of 40-70 owned 100 - 19 - 12 = 69% of household wealth in 1989 and 100 - 30 - 7 = 63% in 2023. I could probably go and find how the age demographics of the population have changed over time and I think that with declining birth rates, the percentage change in age demographics would be pretty close to the percentage change in household wealth but I'm tired of beating every slide to death so I'll leave that to someone else if anyone's motivated enough to do that (if my hypothesis is wrong here just comment and I'll make that change). My first thought when I saw this though was again, this guy has paid no regard to structural change in society. Given the increased accessibility of buying stocks over the past three decades is it really that surprising that older people who have had more time and cash at the start of the digital age to invest in companies that are now massive mega-corporations have experienced a higher return on their capital. This is not to say that none of this change in the share of wealth held by those under 40 is due to some inherent unfairness in our society and I have neither the time nor knowledge to separate these effects out but to say that this was a "purposeful" effort to cut their wealth in half is complete and utter bullshit. Also, this guy makes another causal claim WITH NOTHING BUT A CHANGE IN SHARE OF HOUSEHOLD WEALTH. Congratulations everyone Scott Galloway has just made every econometrician in the world redundant, I always knew my professors were just trying to confuse me with funny symbols and Greek letters, someone get this guy a Nobel Prize.
Then while introducing his next slide Galloway says that his analyst's presence in the audience "brings the average age of the entire conference down in 11 days". So he's saying that TED knows exactly who's showing up to their event before it happens and that they have the exact birthdates of everyone in the audience too and that they've given this information to one of their speakers. A friend of mine has told me he's just making a joke and that I should let this point go because I'm being too anal about things but yeah I become anal about things when someone suggests sweeping institutional changes in a talk viewed by millions of people so thought I'd include it anyways just as another example of the bullshit this guy has been spewing.
When he moves on to the actual content in the slide the first point he makes is about lower acceptance rates in schools. So I don't have data on this because I couldn't be bothered to go find any so again, I'll change my statement if anyone has reliable data indicating otherwise but I think its pretty safe to say that way less people used to apply than before and combined with an increase in international student applications and enrollments the competition is just way higher than before. The most obvious explanation would be that higher education institutions have made the mistake of not increasing enrollments at a rate quick enough to meet demand. However, according to US News (https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/how-many-universities-are-in-the-us-and-why-that-number-is-changing) there were 3982 degree-granting postsecondary institutions in the US. and UCLA is ranked 15th in national universities. So why is it surprising now that university education is becoming more popular that higher ranked universities are harder to get into. So instead of expanding enrollment I think that a well thought out plan of affirmative action would be a much better option of giving "unremarkable kids and giving them a shot at being remarkable" (what this well thought out plan may be I don't know, I honestly didn't even search up any statistics about affirmative action this was just the first solution I thought of that didn't involve ignoring the crowning achievement of statistics). To his credit, Galloway does include a point about income-based affirmative action at the end of his talk, though he overwhelmingly emphasises increasing enrollment in schools. I don't have any data about that but I think that class sizes at public universities are large enough as it is.
The rest of the slide gives numbers on college debt of house price compared to first year income. College debt is ridiculously high and many people struggle because of it. I don't have the solution and neither does Galloway because he doesn't really mention it. I think that house price-to-first year income is a poor comparison because it doesn't take into account average rate of income increase and no normal person from any generation is looking to buy a house with first year income but there's probably a more appropriate metric out there that shows a similar change anyways so I'm ok with that.
Then he talks about him and his "colleagues" who "artificially constrain supply to create aspiration and scarcity". I would like to meet the professors who have control over enrollment rates because none of mine did. Then he says "to my colleagues in higher ed: we're public servants, not fucking Chanel bags". The marketing professor from NYU says he's a public servant...ok.
The slide after that compares Harvard's increase in endowment compared to their increase in enrollment and he calls them a "hedge fund offering classes". I see no issue with this point, he made a great argument, can't really criticise anything here.
Don't worry though he makes up for it by immediately making one of the most egregious statements in this whole talk. We're looking at his next slide, the one titled "Grand Bargain" now. He says that the government should take some of the money that's supposed to be used to forgive existing loans to about 500 of the top public universities to reduce tuition by 2% and year, expand enrollments by 6% a year, and increase vocational programs to 20% of the degrees granted. Then the slide after that, claims this will double freshman seats and cut costs in half in just 10 years. Ok so he thinks that most of the money "earmarked to bail out the one third of people that got to go to college on the backs of the two thirds that didn't" should go to future students instead because, I assume from the tone of his words, he doesn't think they need or deserve all that loan forgiveness. So why bring up the increase in college debt previously (the slide I talked about three paragraphs ago)? Anyways that's not the crazy thing. Let's see what happens if you reduce tuition by 2% a year for 10 years. So the calculation goes like this 0.98^{10} is approximately equal to 0.81. So with the number he puts up, tuition decreases by 19% in ten years. If everything before this slide could be attributed to cherry-picking, stupidity, or lack of good data, then fine he's just ignorant even though he shouldn't have been if he went up there to make that talk. But now this is just a FUCKING BAREFACED LIE. I cannot think of a greater insult to the audience's intelligence than the fact that this guy didn't think anyone would pull out a fucking calculator and do the calculation themselves. I won't blame the audience for not saying anything because I'm not sure I would have wanted to do that either but at least from youtube and reddit comments there are a decent number of people who didn't realise this. A similar calculation shows that expanding enrollment by 6% per year increases seats by about 80% total (1.06^{10}). Not sure how that translates in terms of freshman seats but at least this is closer than the tuition claim.
Then his next slide compares wages to the s&p500. This is the point of u/JustTaxLandLol's post and I think his post and the discussion in the comments covers most if not all of my thoughts so you can just read that. https://www.reddit.com/badeconomics/comments/1cc3rs8/scott_galloway_compares_median_wage_to_sp500/
Ok next slide, "The Transfer: Purposeful". Oh yay he's about to make another causal claim with nothing but a graph on the change in top marginal tax rates for corporations and individuals. And if we skip ahead to the next slide we'll realise that this claim is that the gradual decrease in top marginal tax rates for corporations and individuals results in lowered senior poverty and child poverty either remains constant or increases. Yes everybody the newest advancement in economic research has just been released. Lowering top tax rates decreases senior poverty and increases child poverty. And Scott Galloway made that argument in 24 seconds (transcript on TED website has time markers).
Man I really set out with the intention to keep the tone of this post as neutral as I could but I'm just writing out my internal dialogue with less swearing now. I apologise to those who would have preferred a more careful and less emotional knee-jerk response of an analysis but this is a reddit post, its not like there are standards.
Now he moves on to talking about social security. Galloway says "it would cost 11 billion dollars to expand the child tax credit. But that gets stripped out of the infrastructure bill". So zero explanation about why it would cost 11 billion dollars to expand the child tax credit, why not more or less, no comment about how many children it would affect, how much money it would mean for each child or family, just some number that you have to accept. Most of the time there's no why to the amount of funding that the government allocates to policies but at least there's some breakdown to how its going to be used, Galloway doesn't even have that. This is before we even consider the fact that child tax credit was expanded this year (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/child-tax-credit-2024-who-qualifies/). Maybe he's talking about some other issue that I'm not aware of but I don't think so. He says he got the social security spending data from the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, which is a think tank. I don't want to sort through their website to fact check so I'll accept it as the truth but as far as I know the actual social security administration releases their facts and figures for the year August of next year so I'm not sure why he didn't just use the 2022 numbers from a more reliable source.
His next few couple slides are about the increasing age of politicians. I think this is a great point but he probably should have used a better example of a younger politician than Justin Trudeau.
Then at around the 10 minute mark, using his slide titled "Generational Theft", Galloway claims that "we pumped the economy" during covid so that the Nasdaq would gain value, causing "intergenerational theft". I don't know if he thinks it was intentional or not but how is he going to completely ignore the fact that the stimulus checks were primarily for households that were struggling due to the greatest unemployment rate we have seen in our lifetime (https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/06/11/unemployment-rose-higher-in-three-months-of-covid-19-than-it-did-in-two-years-of-the-great-recession/). I'm really kind of tired of this so I'll let those at the CBR make my argument for me. "Within the first 10 days, households spent an average of 29 cents from every dollar received. The bulk of this spending was on food, rent, and bills" (https://www.chicagobooth.edu/review/how-effective-were-stimulus-checks-us). Damn so turns out struggling families did need these stimulus checks pretty urgently. Shocker. I also think that most people in finance would agree that tech stocks surged over covid because people needed fucking technology... People built PCs to play video games, used online shopping services because they couldn't go to malls, all that.
The next slide is supposed to support his point that the increase in stock prices doesn't allow young people to find "disruption". What. The only thing that matters to any investor is the percentage increase in value of the stock price after you've invested. It doesn't matter if 7 dollars is 1 share of apple or 0.04 of a share of apple. Its stock price going up by 100% means you get 14 dollars either way. I think this guy's arguments are getting dumber as the talk goes on, I actually had to go and find data to refute his points earlier on. Now arithmetic does the work for me, I should have hired a grade schooler to do my analysis.
His next point is about how algorithmic content selection is bad. Yeah its bad. Its bad for everyone, turns everyone into psychos. Though I think there's a very good argument to be made about how such content could affect developing brains. He makes a point about age-gating social media at the end of the talk. This is actually the only drastic measure he proposes that I agree with so I'll leave this alone too.
After a couple slides about Zuckerberg and TikTok (which I agree with, though I think Zuckerberg's damage probably leans more towards older people than young now), he gives a bunch of graphs showing upward trends in all sorts of terrible things happening to young people. Every single one is an issue of critical importance in the US, but importantly, no comparison to older people. For all we know, the trend on every graph could be the same or even worse for older generations. If I had written about this first then I'd go and find the data for it but at this point I just want to be done with this but can't stop without getting to the end so I'm just gonna slap this slide with lack of comparisons and move on.
His next slide shows the difference in 30 to 34 year olds who have at least one child, some of that is probably due to family planning but I still think its a great indicator of people not wanting to have children because its not affordable. Great point, I believe in it.
Next slide, oh god it's a happiness report. I think happiness reports are a fun conversational tidbit but I see no way for it to be reliable enough to be used as an argument in any semi-serious setting. That said, I have no idea how they do these measurements so maybe I'm wrong.
As if the happiness report wasn't bad enough, Galloway is gonna compare the biggest one-day market cap gain (in an unspecified time frame) to the budget of several policies implemented by the government. Oh man. This is too stupid, there's so many things to pick from it'd take too much effort to sort through them. Someone else please make the argument for me.
Then he says universal basic income should have been called negative income tax. Wow the frequency of good points is going up, though I think this is accompanied by an increase in the frequency of absolutely idiotic arguments.
Then he says we should eliminate capital gains tax deduction. The issue of taxing capital gains is a very serious one, but I don't think it actually matters that much how much we tax realised capital gains. Again, not an expert but here's my understanding. If you have a high net worth with a lot of it in stocks and you need cash, you don't have to sell them and get taxed on the realised gains. You go to the bank and say I want to borrow money, I'm going to put these stocks up as collateral so if I can't pay you back you can take these stocks which are somewhere around the value of the principal amount plus total interest over the course of this loan. Because the bank is now convinced they'll get the money back regardless of if you make the payments or not, they say ok here's the money you asked for at a nice low interest rate. Then you take the money, you keep your stocks, which will probably gain value at a rate that exceeds the interest rate by a pretty decent margin, and you can probably make your interest payments pretty easily because hey, you were rich to begin with. If you're really strapped for cash a couple years down the line, you can sell some of the stocks that are now worth more than they were before and cover your payments and not have to pay taxes on the rest that you don't have to sell. Free money. There's plenty more ways to avoid taxes if you're rich but you get my point by now. Now that's a lot of problems without a solution. Luckily we have some economists far more skilled than I am who work very hard to find solutions to these problems. Here's one example of a policy that may help (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/05/03/opinion/global-billionaires-tax.html). This is an opinion piece written by Gabriel Zucman (famous economist), for the New York Times. If you don't have an NYT subscription, sorry for giving a link you can't read but if you search Gabriel Zucman billionaire tax, you could probably get a decent idea of what this talks about. Here's Zucman tweeting his proposal for his suggestion (https://twitter.com/gabriel\_zucman/status/1763253132572729623). It probably requires a little more thinking than the NYT article but he did present this at the G20 so that might sound more exciting to you than some news article.
Then Galloway says "we need to remove 230 protection for all algorithmically-elevated content". Zero mention on what 230 protection is so here's an explanation (https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/47/230). Basically that was a fancy way of saying that companies should be held accountable of the content on their platform, even if it's posted by an unrelated third party. I'm not sure getting rid of it in its entirety is a great idea (though I have no arguments against that except Orwellian ones) but I certainly agree that most if not all social media platforms have abused this protection and it should be at the very least restricted. To what extent? Again, I have no clue.
Then he goes "break up Big Tech". That's the whole suggestion. This is a terrible idea but the fact that he doesn't elaborate more on how to do this, the ramifications of doing so, or really provide any explanation at all makes me automatically ignore this. Then he makes his point about age-gating social media, like I said before, I agree with it.
His next suggestions are universal pre-K, great idea, then "reinstate the expanded child-tax credit". Not sure what he's going on about here, child tax credit exists and like I said before, was just expanded. Then it's income-based affirmative action. I don't know what kind of affirmative action is best and that sounds like an interesting idea so I won't criticise it. I think the rest of his suggestions are pretty normative arguments so I'll leave those alone too.
Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly agree with the overall theme of his talk. I believe that young people in the US (and many places worldwide) are at a massive disadvantage when it comes to accumulating wealth, buying homes, inter-generational transfers, etc. But you cannot go up on a popular platform like this, make claims as sweeping as he has, and make suggestions as radical and drastic as he has, with garbage arguments and data like this. Saying the right things for the wrong reasons is arguably worse than just saying the wrong thing because it makes it easy for those who want the status quo to remain to make counterarguments. Given how divisive opinions have become over the past decade or so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how many people are eating this up but it kinda scares me how easily people will eat up this shit as long as its for a cause that sounds like its going for some kind of radical change for the good of all and has some imaginary "them" as the common enemy to everyone.
So that's it, I've finally covered all his points. I'm free, thank fuck. I should really proofread this but this has been my past eight hours and my back is breaking from all this sitting, I'm just gonna post this and read it over tomorrow. Maybe do a tl;dr, fix some formatting.
EDIT: As u/myphriendmike and u/Mordoci have pointed out, my dummy corp example was just tax fraud, that's illegal and so it's a bad example, I've removed it. Zucman has some estimates on the "real" tax rate wealthy people (mostly billionaires) pay, maybe I'll include that at some point.
I also corrected my wording in some places.

🪞 “It's much easier to get in that it is to get out,” Emilie Autumn used to say. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 - Part 4.2
She was not wrong. Welcome back to the Asylum write-up!
In this installment, we're finally getting down to the nitty-gritty of the enmity between EA and her fans.
It's time for war. It's time for blood. It's time... for tea. 🎵

THE PRESENT DAY: “ASK ME ANYTHING (WELL, NOT QUITE)”

​

"Ask me anything" titles are catchy, and that’s why I’m using one. But, obviously, don’t ask me anything, by which I mean that, if you think I wouldn’t answer it, you’re probably right. Ask me something really good. I’d love to answer you. I’d love to have comments on these posts, in fact, so that I could answer questions there regularly and ask you things as well, but insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, or so Einstein is supposed to have said, and attempting to create yet another interactive online venue after every previous attempt has ended in heartbreak—forums, facebook groups, social media accounts—it would indeed be insanity to think that this time would be any different. So there are no comments. This too is heartbreaking in the sense that, and you may not realize this, but I desperately want to connect more completely with you—to be able to intelligently converse and share and exchange. We can do that in person, of course, because the wrong people never show up in person. Isn’t that funny… So, perhaps we’ll have to arrange that;). I’ll start you off with an example question I’d want to know if I were you (I can almost guarantee that you do not want to know this). Q. Hey EA, how do you keep your wireless bodypack transmitter secure when you are leaping about in skimpy costumes and doing frequent costume changes? Also, dye your roots. A. Fantastic question, EA, and I just dyed my roots thank you very much. ... (Deleted blog post followed by a year of radio silence, 2022 📝)

Sooo. For the past five-ish years, the vibe in the Asylum has been that of a protracted Christmas dinner where everyone is tensely moving their food around in their plate, bracing themselves for whatever will trigger the screaming match. Wondering what it's going to be this time. Weary old-timers make small talk about the food because no other topic feels safe. Every glance, every forced smile, is fraught with eons-old grudges and unspoken regrets; every nervous pleasantry sounds like a thinly-veiled accusation. Aunt Emilie always insists on hosting, but not-so-secretly hates having people over. Sooner or later, she finds a way to get all of these assholes out of her house. Most of the adult children are daydreaming about going no-contact.
Everyone ready for some dysfunctional family history?
CW for discussion of bullying, online harassment, mental illness stigma.

YE OLDEN DAYS: CUCKOOS OF A FEATHER NEST TOGETHER

In the beginning, it was beautiful.
EA had the excellent instinct to start banking on her online presence📝 long before MySpace was even a thing. She had a website, several online stores, an active LiveJournal and a ProBoards forum right from the turn of the millennium.
In 2004, she attached an official forum to her website; the earliest archive shows 74 registered users. By the time Opheliac came out in 2006, that number had grown tenfold. And it was, by most accounts, a pretty dope place to be! (I should specify that this write-up focuses on the anglophone side of the fandom: there were also thriving fan-run communities in at least German, French, and Spanish. Because EA doesn't speak any of those languages, the lucky bastards were mostly left alone.)
Forum users enjoyed interacting with some of EA's closest IRL friends and associates – and with the mistress of the house herself (user flair: PsychoFiddler), when she occasionally responded to comments under her own posts. But that wasn't even the main appeal for many. For a long time, on top of all EA-related topics, the official forum had very active “Off-Topic” subforums, with lively and friendly conversation on a variety of subjects. (There was even a “Filthy Libertines (18+)” sub for a while, which was closed due to preemptive concerns about minors.) Swear words (not slurs) were allowed and encouraged, and moderation was overall pretty loose beyond basic enforcement of civility. There was a lot of mutual support, creativity, and solid banter going around.

It wasn't just about Emilie on the forums. People could chat about almost anything with near free reign, making connections and lifelong friends. ... This community mattered SO MUCH to people. They felt included, accepted, and understood within the walls of the Asylum. People invested their time and creative energy into keeping the forums a vibrant, active community, and made sure that carried over into the real world. ... I've never seen anything like it in a fan space. I doubt I ever will again. (@Asylum_Oracle - “Fandom History” Instagram highlight 🔍📝, which contains most of the sources for this segment.)

And it did, indeed, carry over into the real world. There were numerous meet-ups – a few organized by EA, many more spontaneous. People who didn't know any other EA fans in real life, or were just excited to add new Plague Rats to their friend group, would regularly connect with other forum users from their area to meet up and hang out before EA shows. “Who else is dressing up??”
In 2008, for instance, EA held an afternoon meet-up at Lincoln Park in Chicago. 📺 The event was free to attend; it featured live acoustic music and a reading from EA's upcoming book, the intriguingly-titled Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls.
On the appointed day, EA rolled up in a fabulously tousled red wig, bedazzled white corset and steampunk-altered wedding dress. She had brought friends alongs. Sporting blue hair and a pink bustle and corset was her Chicago bestie, the main forum admin. Rocking a guitar and a top hat was EA's sound engineer, the soft-spoken wizard behind the Victoriandustrial sound, who was also a forum mod. The photographer from the original Opheliac cover art was there as well; he was formally introduced by EA and got his own round of applause.

People who would never normally be involved in an artist's fanbase were in EA's world. And not only were they known – they were respected and incredibly active with the fanbase. These people who managed an online message board were willing to engage in real-world meet-ups (with no security??) because of how tight-knit the community they had built was. People turned out to this event. People traveled to go to this event. It was a short reading of a book that hadn't been released yet, and wouldn't be for some time. Why? Because not only was it a chance to meet Emilie and listen to parts of the new book, but it was also a chance to hang out with their friends from the Asylum. ... The fandom really was a family for a lot of people. (@Asylum_Oracle)

“SERIOUSLY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

It all started with The End.
The End Records, that is! Quick refresher: in 2009, after three years or so with Trisol, EA split from the label over allegations that the owner was embezzling money from ticket sales. A few months later, she signed with The End Records. Understandably, EA still wanted to sell the album that had made her famous, and to which she had smartly retained the rights – which meant a brand new, “Deluxe” release of Opheliac. (Remember, from part 3? The one you could pre-order as a bundle with the book? Some projects are just cursed, I guess.)
At that point, Opheliac had been released three times already, as recently as the year before, with only slight variations in format and tracklist. (Yes, that is a theme in this story.) The End Records version would feature new cover art and a handful of new tracks, but overall, it was... you know... the same album.
(The following paragraphs are largely sourced from this excellent recap 🔍📝, which also provides potato screenshots for all quotes.)
One fateful day of August 2009, a user started a thread entitled “Opheliac US edition deluxe re-release??” in the “EA News” subforum. In the thread, some people were kind of balking at the re-do, pondering whether to buy the “new” Opheliac or sit this one out. Some expressed that after three years, they were jonesing for a new album. Others shared what B-sides or dream covers they would have liked to see included on the bonus disc. Just... fans being fans, in a fan discussion space.
And then EA jumped out from behind the curtains.

Fan: Okay. Before I start, I just want you to know that I think it's very good that EA is getting more popularity, and that she can release lots of albums, but - are 5 editions of the same album really needed? You may say now “ah, it's not the same, it has 2 bonus tracks” or whatever, but I mean: it's not new material. Now don't get me wrong. I'm happy for it, maybe I'll even buy it, but I'm just wondering if she shouldn't keep herself busy with other (maybe more important) stuff? * hides * EA: Nobody's forcing you to buy it. Thanks.

Record scratch.

Fan 1: is this Opheliac release version number 4? lol If she's recording NEW tracks, then surely they deserve to be sold by themselves, otherwise people are going to have to buy an album that they may have already bought twice (like me!). But... alas, I am a fool and adore everything this woman does... im buying it lol Fan 2: exactly – if it was just reissuing the last version of Opheliac to tap into new markets that would be fine (...) but if they start adding extra bits of material to albums people already have then the true muffins are going to feel obliged to buy new copies (...) EA: How exactly are you obliged to buy anything? Nobody is forcing you to spend a fucking penny, my dears. I suppose it would make more sense to you to simply not have my records available any more as the old label I just escaped from will no longer be distributing them? Forgive me for adding extra tracks. No obligation necessary.

...Okay, so I'm pretty sure that we can see both sides of the argument here. Fans are annoyed at the idea of spending money on barely-anything-new, because they love EA and buy every single CD she releases. EA is exasperated by fans acting like she's twisting their arm and somehow resenting the inclusion of new material, when she was just ensuring that her album would remain available for purchase and trying to keep things interesting.
But maybe we can also agree that those replies should have been screamed into a pillow rather than typed out on a keyboard.
EA was getting increasingly (and, I'll just say it: disproportionately) sarcastic and defensive in her replies. Enter poor FantineDormouse.
FantineDormouse meant well, I think. Maybe she thought, she's spiraling. Maybe she thought, friends don't let friends go down that road. Granted, FantineDormouse probably should have known better than to phrase it the way she did. Or to assume that EA perceived her as a friend.
Either way, at some point, FantineDormouse jumped in and posted the comment that finally made EA lose it. THE comment which, overnight, ended the honeymoon period of the Asylum, triggering a doomsday domino effect from which the fandom would never truly recover. Are you comfortably seated?

FantineDormouse: Uhm, Emilie, love, I don't mean to sound rude or anything... but maybe you should have a cup of tea and relax a little.

...
* sound of archduke getting shot *

EA: Excuse me? You can throw this onslaught of absolute cruel bullshit at me and those I work with in my own space that I own, and I can't say anything back? How fucking patronizing. Relax? Are you fucking kidding me? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? FD: I'm not trying to piss you off even more, Emilie. And trust me, I have to deal with it myself, and as much as I would really love to punch the cunts I have to deal with in the face, I don't. You're pissed off, I get it. You're bipolar, which makes it 10x worse, I get that. I'm just not the person to stand around and do nothing when a fight where I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of regret is going on.

Famous last words. Literally! Immediately after EA delivered her irate closing statement – which includes one of my all-time favorite EA zingers, bolded...

EA: I cannot believe this... You just don't stop, do you? So just because I've shared the personal information with you all that I happen to be bipolar, I can't get pissed off at all of you being perfectly awful in the very space that I pay fuckloads a month to have up (has it ever occurred to you all that I pay dearly for this space you play around in?) Why not just tell me that I must be upset because it's my time of the month? Seriously, get the fuck out of my house. You are unbelievable, and your level of patronization is almost criminal. Don't make me write another book. With muffins like you, who needs enemies? Nothing I say or feel is legitimate, not ever ever ever because I'm bipolar... discredited before I begin... unbelievable...

...FantineDormouse got permabanned.
Jaws dropped. After days of infighting between white knights, detractors, and crossfire negotiators, several mod resignations, and general mayhem surrounding the ban, EA made a post entitled “In Which: I Invite You to Make a Fucking Choice.” 📝 For brevity's sake (cue laugh track), I can't reproduce it in all of its righteous splendor, but it's quite a read. It runs the gamut from fair and articulate points about how mental illness shouldn't be used to discredit someone's legitimate anger... to histrionic commands that “deserters to the cause” should “turn in their weapons” if they can't handle her way of doing things.

To those of you who appear not to understand why said posts, most especially those of the banned party, were offensive to me, I give you the option to either educate yourselves on your own time and in your own space (because please never forget that this is my space that I share with all of you at my own expense, and in which I generally give you all the freedom I would wish for myself), or to resign your posts in the Asylum Army – this is not the place for you, and I humbly suggest that you turn your attention and support towards other artists of a more placid, non-controversial, and less opinionated nature; there are more than enough of them out there, and I’m sure they all have forums of their own.

Some fans did leave. Most stuck around, whiplashed. Soon, the storm quieted down, and business as usual resumed on the forum. But something had been damaged beyond repair. The FantineDormouse fiasco had erected walls and drawn lines in the sand, both around EA and among her fans; its sad specter would haunt every Asylum crisis that spiked up forever after. “Fucking Patronizing Fucking” or “FPF” 🔍 became memetic shorthand in the fandom for overreaction and self-righteousness. 🐀
...And now you understand why, in the following years, some fans were so delicate and diplomatic in voicing their very legitimate complaints about messed-up orders, unsigned books, and puzzling lies... while unofficial platforms like Tumblr flourished with pent-up resentment and snark. 🦠

A NOTE ON HARASSMENT: “MAD GIRL, CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU?”

Wouldn't they stop When you asked them to leave you alone? (“Mad Girl”, 2008 🎵)

Now, let's be clear, because it should not be minimized: EA has also been the target of genuine online harassment. Based on the simple fact that she is a woman with a public presence on the internet, I have zero doubt that EA has received (and perhaps continues to receive) more than her share of truly vile, bigoted, creepy and threatening messages – and, knowing what I know about the darker recesses of the Asylum, a terrifying amount of emotional blackmail and obsessive projection from people who hold her to punitively high standards. I'm also inclined to believe that it started way before she ever did anything that warranted any backlash. And that fucking sucks. It's repulsive and inexcusable, and the people who harass her should crawl into a hole and live among the worms.
Notwithstanding. In my decade-plus of following EA drama, the public comments on EA's own platforms (where people knew she was likely to be reading) have been, for the most part... civil and nuanced, and relatively mindful of the human? Even very confrontational comments (some clearly written from a place of anger and desire to shame) rarely resorted to outright name-calling or cruelty. When abusive or bigoted language did crop up, it was often promptly shut down by other fans as gross and uncalled for. In short: I have, with mine own two eyes, in real time, read some of the comment sections that EA described as cesspools of blind rage and odious attacks, and... I just couldn't see it.
If anything, for a long time, a lot of the angry comments directed at EA during any given controversy read more like break-up letters to an ex-best friend: harsh, curt and targeted in a way that cuts deep.... but also kind of screams how much love you still have for this person, against your better judgement.
Not that it wouldn't mess a person up to get hundred of those in a matter of hours, even if they don't individually qualify as “abusive”.
It's worth noting that prior to becoming semi-famous and regretting it, EA was also (by her own account and among other forms of abuse) a victim of intense childhood bullying. It feels like the two situations are closely connected in her mind when her focus seamlessly transitions from one to the other. 📺 I don't think that tremor in her voice is put on.
Based on her writings, I get the feeling that over the years, EA has developed a very black-and-white view of two monolithic groups of people. There's (an idealized vision of) her “real audience”, well-dressed, well-read, kind-hearted, and Asylum-savvy, who she fully trusts to “get it” – and buy it, and love it, unquestioningly, whatever “it” may be at any given time – because that is the true measure of love and loyalty. These are the people she makes art and merch for, the people she writes heart-emoji-filled newsletters to, and desperately longs to see in person again.
And then there's the lynch mob, those who really don't “get it”: the trolls, the faceless creeps, the basement-dwelling mouthbreathers, the ones who stalk her every move obsessively, waiting for any chance to spam her with vicious abuse and slander and obscenities. The latter only exist online (they are manifested into arbitrary existence by the internet itself, not by anything EA said or did), and there is zero overlap between the two sets of people. That seems to be the official narrative.

The "public eye" isn't an [enviable] place to be, and the closer I've come to it, the more horrified I've been. Because, for starters, who is "the public?" Is "the public" my audience? Hell no. My audience is special. They are not the general public. If they were the general public I would be a lot wealthier. The "public eye" means getting stalked, harassed, viscously judged, and put in danger. If I do things in the future that gain notoriety, I will do them in spite of fame, not because of it. I am out for world domination, but not fame. (Interview for The Moaning Times, 2014 📝)

In real life (well, mostly online, but I mean: on this shared plane of existence), things play out slightly differently. The Venn diagram of “true blue fans” and “people who criticize EA" and "people who know way too much about EA” is a circle. The call is 100% coming from inside the Asylum, and I think EA rationally knows that. But here's the thing: no matter how many shows and meet-and-greets you've dressed up for, how many loving and supportive comments you've left, or how many family heirlooms you once pawned to purchase a copy of the not-for-sale 2003 DJ pressing of Enchant... the instant EA feels attacked, everyone is a saboteur and a bully until proven otherwise, and suspected treason is dealt with on the spot. One strike, you're out. Unfortunately for everyone involved, her threshold for bullying seems to be “any remotely thoughtless opinion from any stranger on the internet”.
It makes for outstanding human-interest entertainment... but it also sounds an awful lot like the unhealthy patterns of a person suffering from all sorts of PTSD. 🔍 So, please bear that in mind as you read through this write-up. It's easy to make EA out to be the sole villain, a paranoid and delusional drama queen, based on her extreme reactions to things that often “weren't that bad”. Anything can, in fact, be “that bad” when you're thrown back into the very worst moments of your existence every time your brain decides that the situation is even remotely similar.
PTSD takes over your rational mind and actively distorts your perception of reality. That can be how a person ends up impulse-reacting to “a few people expressing an unfavorable opinion” as if the entire internet had just ganged up on them with knives. Which makes their audience feel unjustly accused, which makes them hostile, which gives the person actual good reason to feel attacked... and so the cycle of hurt continues.

You know the games I play And the words I say When I want my own way You know the lies I tell When you've gone through hell And I say I can't stay You know how hard it can be To keep believing in me When everything and everyone Becomes my enemy, and when There's nothing more you can do I'm gonna blame it on you – It's not the way I wanna be I only hope that in the end You will see: It's the Opheliac in me... (“Opheliac”, 2006 🎵)

And YES, it is extremely regrettable to have this as a trigger, when you're a public figure and you're bound to receive more negative feedback than the average citizen. “It's what she signed up for”, “it comes with the territory” and all that jazz. I really don't think EA was unaware of that fact when she decided to become a musician, share her personal life, and form an intense parasocial bond with her audience. But maybe she underestimated how hard it would be to process and recover from.
Just because you expect something unpleasant to happen, doesn't mean your psyche will be ready to handle it when it does – or that you'll pick the best and most effective strategy to deal with it.

A MADHOUSE UNDER MARTIAL LAW: MARCHING INTO THE FORUM WARS

There are two sides to every story... except for this one! (“If I Burn”, 2012 🎵)

You may have noted the military imagery in EA's “Make a Fucking Choice” response post – “resign your post in the Asylum Army”! What do psychiatry and the military have in common? They're both institutions of top-down social control. 🔍 EA's mixed metaphor may be a bit clunky, but it did foreshadow the evolution of the Asylum – in terms of aesthetics and power dynamics – in the years that followed the FantineDormouse incident and the release of The Book.
EA's next big release after the Asylum book came in 2012. It was a new album, an outline of the soon-to-be Asylum musical, called Fight Like a Girl (FLAG for short). As the name suggests, the main mood was bellicose. Incidentally, in the interim years, EA's communication style generally became noticeably more combative, incendiary, and (within her own spaces) controlling.📝 You remember those quirky word filters on the forum, that would change “fan” to “muffin” and “bra” to “teacup holder”? They kind of took on a Nineteen-Eighty-Four-burlesque flavor when you realized that one filter automatically changed “Fischkopf” to “Liddell” - and that circumventing the rule to address her totally real last name would get you banned, as would any discussion of her family. (“Wikipedia, random internet sites and heresay are not credible sources.” - Mod reminder of forum rules, 2010.)
Also, you try sustaining a serious, grown-up conversation among concerned fans about how Emilie Autumn should “take ratsponsibility for her mistakes out of ratspect for her muffins”. Thus, the official Asylum forum kept a tight grip on overt criticism of EA's claims and actions.

The Emilie Autumn forum is a dystopian hell. Truth be told, when I decided to leave you could not do anything but gush about Emilie. Otherwise all of her extremist arse kissing fans will be down your throat, ripping you apart in seconds, if you so much as questioned her behaviour. So much for freedom of opinion, let alone the idea of creating a harmonious community for ‘outcasts’. Hahaha. (2014 🐀)

The word filter thing really wasn't a big deal – I'm just pointing it out as one goofy expression of EA's need to control the narrative and rhetoric, which became especially noticeable in those post-book, pre-FLAG years. By that point, EA's fuse had been shortened by near on half a decade of non-stop touring / recording / writing / promoting / adjusting to the pressure and demands of an ever-growing fanbase, while also dealing with a horrorshow of personal turmoil and health issues behind the scenes. In other words: she was done taking any shit, in any form, or humoring anyone's ridiculous feedback regarding anything.
To be fair, it was never her forte to begin with. Will it come as a shock if I tell you that EA doesn't have the greatest track record for successful collaborative work? Let's do a quick-cut montage!
EA's very first corporate sponsor was her mother's “Enchant Clothing & Costume” online store 🔍; she went on to claim that her mother was dead. She sessioned for Billy Corgan, that went super well. 🎵 She liked Courtney Love for a minute, but that didn't work out because she felt that Courtney only valued her for her pee. 📝 (It probably didn't help that in early 2006, while EA was recording her post-break-up-tell-all album about Corgan, C-Love was recording her post-rehab-redemption album with Corgan. 🔍 Either way, EA didn't seem to like Courtney anymore after that. Courtney likes her, though! 📝) The one artist EA has ever approached for a duet (and by approached, I mean she recorded a demo and threw the CD on stage when he played Chicago in 2004) was, of all people, Morrissey. That never came to pass, thank mercy 🔍 – this fandom has suffered enough. In 2005, EA recorded some haunting vocals and violins for a potential collab with the frontman of Attrition. When, three years later, they were used on one track 🎵 of Attrition's All Mine Enemies Whisper, she alleged 📝 that the recordings had been obtained from her under the false pretense of a different project, then hideously altered to sound “out of tune”, and used without her permission. She enlisted her fans to boycott the album and the band, and threatened legal action. Meanwhile, on LiveJournal and Attrition's message boards, band associates were appalled: according to them, EA had been aware of the project's nature from the start... and had been completely unreachable, even through her label, during the months of its development. (Besides, Attrition is a semi-obscure English darkwave band from the 80s, whose micro-distributed albums don't even have their own Wikipedia pages... so I wonder what EA was hoping to get out of that theoretical lawsuit. These people own nothing but vintage gain pedals!) The song “Cold Hard Cash” 🎤 by Angelspit (who contributed a remix to one of her EPs in 2008) may or may not be an EA diss track. 🐀 Back when indie jewelry brand RockLove (which now has licensing deals with Disney, Marvel, and DC) was still someone's bedroom project, their first drop was an EA-inspired collection 🔍, which appears in many early Opheliac photoshoots. The partnership was terminated on bad terms, for unclear reasons; the RockLove owner shared in a statement that EA had “drunk the cool-aid” of Trisol Guy's shady business practices, and that the two of them had been spamming her with “crazed angry message[s]” for days.
Why am I talking about this? Because it was precisely one such ill-fated business partnership that triggered the Great Asylum Secession.
One fine day of spring 2010, the owner of vegan make-up brand Aromaleigh popped onto the Asylum forum to announce that they were cutting ties with EA, with damning receipts of copy-pasted emails (lost to time). Basically, the brand had been sponsoring her for half a decade, and while Aromaleigh had been actively promoting her music and tours, EA hadn't exactly been returning the favor. (Indeed, the extent of EA's sponcon seemed to have been a banner link to their website on her front page, and a single “random drunken endorsement” LiveJournal post that kind of reads like satire📝, from 2005.)
EA responded by banning the owner's account, deleting the thread, and posting this flippant statement a few days later:

Dearest Plague Rats, To be honest, I have no idea of what the hell happened with Aromaleigh, and I don't care to find out – the whole drama is a complete mystery to me, as I've been away for months touring and have not been in contact with anyone. All I know is that I've been promoting the company for ages and have not asked them for anything in years. (...) Please focus on more interesting things. I am. (“Save the Drama...” forum post, March 2010)

Posts questioning her good faith in the conflict were deleted from the forum. Shortly thereafter, citing how prolific and labor-intensive the Asylum forum had grown, EA shut down all non-EA related subforums – which, among many other topics, included a pretty active thread about Aromaleigh products.
So one Plague Rat decided to create a separate, members-only forum 📝, where users could recreate some of the now-defunct off-topic threads... and also freely voice their critical opinions of EA's behavior without fear of backlash from mods or rabid stans. Thus, “The Reform” was born. (Reform [n]: amendment of what is defective, vicious, corrupt, or depraved.)
For a few weeks, the two-state solution seemed to work fine. And then word spread among forum mods and other diehard fans that there was this horrid other forum, where obsessive haters gathered to spew disgusting lies and vitriol about EA... and soon enough, it was bedlam in the Asylum.
Any explicit mention of the Reform was forbidden on the Asylum forum. Suspicion of participation in the Reform would get you banned. The party line was that The Reform was the enemy 🐀 – even though a number of people were active on both forums, because they liked freedom of expression almost as much as they liked EA. Double agents would lurk on the forum and report back with snark material; sycophants would infiltrate the Reform to identify traitors – much to the amusement of the “haters”, who mocked them and their ilk for “licking EA's pink sparkly boots”. There was no containing the seething, or the sass, among Asylum ranks.
Pretty soon, the insubordination spread to Tumblr. There was the “Ask the Reform” Q&A blog, where questioning fans could interact with “Rebel Rats”, get more details on past drama, and make up their own minds about the people EA called bullies.
And then, there were the “confession blogs”, which published anonymous submissions about EA, positive, negative or neutral, with little censorship. Finally, you didn't even have to pick a throw-away username on a private forum to voice your hottest / strangest / most controversial EA takes. Fans could vent, rant, lament, wonder, shitpost to their heart's content, anonymously. Obviously, given the context of frustration and censorship in the fandom, a lot of the first waves of confessions were EXTREMELY negative.
EA's acolyte Veronica managed to get the first one shut down. If memory serves, she misunderstood the confession blog format, and may have believed that all the posts on “Emilie Autumn Confessions” came from one or a small group of individuals. She was genuinely devastated, and wrote the blog admin to let them know that they were a terrible person who said terrible things. The admin was mortified, apologized profusely and deleted the blog of their own initiative. (Which goes to show that the concept did not come from cruel and malicious anti-fans, as detractors often claimed.)
But a new blog sprung up almost immediately, with a different mod team, and did not surrender. And much like in EA's own book, once the Plague Rats found out that they possessed the gift of speech... well, they really took to it.
Established in 2011 and passed on through generation after generation of mod teams to the present day, Wayward Victorian Confessions would turn out to be the longest-lived institution in the EA fandom. For over a decade now, through all the bleakest nights and dankest debacles of the Asylum, and despite its initial reputation as a troll den, WVC has acted as a kind of neutral ground and vox populi for the active fanbase and anti-fanbase. (The last nominally-active EA fansite to date, She Fights Like a Girl, is actually an offshoot of WVC: one of the old admins created it as a database to answer “frequently asked questions” about EA.)
Wayward Victorian Confessions has now outlived every other EA platform, official and unofficial. Were it not for the continued existence of the “troll den”, what little fan community survives in 2024 would be non-existent, plain and simple. To quote from late 20th century Canadian philosophy: isn't it ironic?

I feel like [WVC] is the only place I feel any of that old Asylum community kind of feeling I felt before EA got so focused on the book. It sucks that it’s so full of unhappiness, and I wish she hadn’t poisoned the sanctuary she claimed to have built. It’s just kind of fallen apart, like a crumbling building. (🐀 2016)

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I am 24, female
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
I have been suffering from anxiety all my life.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My family was fairly religious and I did not mind it all that much because I loved listening to all the myths and stories but I wouldn't call myself religious. In fact, I would describe myself as an atheist or an agnostic but my family doesn't care all that much. Since, I belonged to an Asian family there was always this immense pressure to perform and be the best at everything as failure was not an option. Even though my dad had no money he always earned money for us somehow to make sure we lived as comfortably as possible. Our mother on the other hand used to straight up emotionally (sometimes even physically) abuse us to make sure we made our dad proud because of everything that he has been through. Our father suffered from a heart attack when I was 8 and thankfully survived but since then, the stakes have been always high to earn money as quickly as possible to take care of my family, me being the eldest and all.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I am a medical student almost done with my under graduation and I partly chose this career due to pressure from my parents and since I was relatively good at science in school, I eventually came to fall in love with it. Although I don't like helping the humanity part all that much, I do love, love the subjects and came to appreciate the art of medicine and the thrill of a diagnosis and the vast amount of knowledge it requires to just be good at a surface level.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I would feel absolutely amazing and recharged.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I love reading- I used to enjoy fiction and fantasy a lot when I was a kid but now I want to read about philosophy and the universe and the meaning of it all. I am relatively good at sports and I played badminton professionally and I absolutely love swimming. I prefer indoor activities to outdoor ones as I feel like I just get drained from all the stimulation.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I would definitely describe myself as curious as I really want to learn how things work and what they mean and why do they work the way they do and I keep wondering how the human mind often creates or reinvents things that have always existed or perhaps didn't. I wish I had the time and energy to learn more about everything. I often find myself thinking about what I need to do in a day and how to do it efficiently when I am under pressure but if I were to let my mind roam freely then I find myself having various opinions on random things or concepts or people's behaviors.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Even though I do not like taking up leadership positions, there have been incidences in the past which might have implied I would be good at it and the reason is because I always, always kept my colleagues well being a priority and made sure I stood up for them when needed and appreciated the sense of camaraderie and the feeling that the work that everyone put into mattered and benefited the group as a whole.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I always find myself having a difficult time to catch on to things where hands are required. Its not that I am clumsy but I find myself staring at my hands clueless what to do, despite being repeatedly told to use them a certain way. But once I get the hang of it I do enjoy it because I get the feeling that I mastered something that I find difficult.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I am not artistic, however, I appreciate art and the purpose it serves. Be it music, ''art'' art, literature, sculptures, architecture of ancient ruins etc., they always have something to say about the human nature and progression of mankind and I like how they make you question in what instance and circumstance an artist came to the said idea and how they executed them. I specifically enjoy art forms that paint a picture about the past and all the lives humans have lived because they, in a way, make you question about the future as to how the humans will be/progress.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past, I think, is important to find answers because I believe that sometimes that is where clues lie to certain puzzles but other than that it is quite annoying when people dwell on the past, be it myself, or others. Pardon me for sounding pretentious but the present is quite overrated but calming, the future, on the other hand, I think leaves a little blank in my head because I don't know if I have to think and worry about my future or the humanity's. But I do find it comforting to think that in the end, nothing matters haha.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I immediately help only if I think I should. If I suspect any ill intention or an ulterior motive then I refuse immediately as I have low tolerance for bs. I came to learn that kindness is important for the society to function but it comes at a high cost and I help a lot of people minimally but if they require a lot of my time and energy then usually its a big no unless it benefits me as well or its my loved ones or those I think deserve- then I try and give all of it.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yes and no.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
They're very important to me because that's how you get ahead in life, however, its quite exhausting. I used to beat myself up if I did not finish a task on time and now I am not as harsh on myself.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
NOOO, I hate when people try to control others as everybody is subjected to their own actions and emotions.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I just draw up a random article about a random thing online and read about it haha. Other than that I really have no energy to keep up with the various things I am interested in. If I do have the time and energy I would like to swim, learn a language watch a tv show and read a a book on the universe/ neuroscience/ philosophy and teach myself physics and math because I suck at them. And I love trying food at various restaurants.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
When I learn about something I tend to obsessively get stuck at a point and research about it in depth unless I knew everything about it. I just get obsessed with the details and go nowhere which is why I know the most random things in depth and nothing else. I absolutely suck at thinking logically and often find myself having ''brain fog'' if anything even remotely requires analytical thinking. I cannot get over this brain fog unless I put it on paper to make sense of things slowly. I am quite good at memorizing things, average at creative thinking. Whenever I learn something I like to interpret it myself rather than having someone break it down for me and often prefer diagram/ models/ pictures to text.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I see how strategizing can be efficient but its exhausting to plan and execute so I wing it as I go. I hate rigid schedules because there is no room for improvisation!
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
I want to create/ invent something and contribute something to the world and make use of my existence. It can be a machine, a drug, a theory- anything. Still waiting for that "aha" moment haha. It doesn't necessarily have to be revolutionary but if it contributes to something then my existence will be meaningful.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear losing my dog. Eff humans but my dog is the most precious thing to me in the world. Also fear getting Alzheimer's and losing my sense of self or being dependent on someone for the rest of my life. I hate people who are narrow minded, unempathetic, manipulative, have no sense of right or wrong and those who harm animals. And those who follow the crowd without using their brain. And financial instability.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
A high would be a peaceful morning and a productive day.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Lows are being stuck in a state of anxiety, stress, burnout and being financially unstable.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I am often present in the reality and daydream rarely.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I will think about.....all the things I would do if I get out of that room. I would also enjoy the quite and peace if its for a short time.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I am very decisive and opiniated and also quite stubborn about it.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I tend to quickly process my emotions without thinking and act on them- only if I am at home or in front of my family. Emotions are important to me even though I try not to get them the best of me.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Yes but if it is happening too often and I don't like it/them, I just leave.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
As much as I detest authority, I still follow the rules for the sake of it. I would love to overthrow everything that is corrupted if I have the power, energy and the opportunity.

Hopefully this guide can serve as an exciting primer for people who know nothing about Gnosticism, but it's meant to delight and entertain even those who already gnow. I wrote it as the opener for an upcoming Gnostic novella, a malicious post-Sethian fantasia coming out in June.
*
Everyone has a body, a soul, and a spirit. The body rots and the soul kills itself, but the spirit is particular, peculiar, special. The spirit is the yolk in our self’s egg. It is the reality amid this dream. It is our vivifying cosmic light, holy and normally immortal, and in fact did not originate in our puny human selves but was borrowed from God and trapped inside our body’s prison, our soul’s hole. Yet our spicule of divine light is not safe. If we don’t arrange its heavenly escape through gnosis—that is, through secret knowledge of spiritual mysteries—then when we die, we vanish forever, our sharp sparks of holy spirit pulled down guttering into oblivion along with the material that cages us.
Or so an ancient Gnostic might have explained to a willing Catholic, circa 250 CE. A few midnight meetings later, he might let slip that the Trinity is slightly more extended than certain naïve believers imagine, and that our bodies are patterned on the Cosmic Man. I imagine his eyes flicking from side to side, before he unwraps a bundle of scrolls, pushing aside The Archangelic Book of Moses the Prophet in favor of a painstakingly detailed diagram illustrating the 365 angels of the solar year and their one-to-one correspondence to the parts of the human body—and incidentally, he says, did you know that there is a soul of hair, a soul of bone, a soul of skin? A psychical body that overlies our physical body? He’s started smiling, slowly putting down his inhibitions, for the Catholic has been plying him with date wine, and anyway the Gnostic is just so relieved to have found a friend, a fellow traveler fascinated in secret knowledge, in true salvation, in escaping their hostile world… Unfortunately, the brotherly-faced Catholic is planning to denounce him first thing tomorrow, and his valuable scrolls will be destroyed, and on some level the Gnostic senses it and ends up nearly whispering his secrets, implicitly pleading. Adam was androgynous, you see. The Holy Spirit is the Triple Male. Material is evil. Material is the portion of corruption nailed to our spirits. Like a satanic Jesus of darkness it suffers from our purity. We have been fettered with forgetfulness and deafened by death. Also: maybe not everyone has spirit. Only some do; the other humans are just creations. And as for the fellow called God, well he uh. Has a few dark secrets... “Oh, don’t look so uptight,” the Gnostic might say, anxiously chuckling: “Remember, I’m a Christian too!”
And he’d be right. Back in his day, the Church hadn’t entirely cornered power, clamped down on all other doctrines, and crushed the mindbending diversity of early Christianities in the Wild Wild Near-East. All around our Gnostic, there fumed and flowered a largely unpruned, rampant garden of sects and types and lifestyles, whose swarms of heaven-hunting believers spread out into hundreds of groups, used dozens of gospels, and disagreed on the most basic elements of doctrine, their beliefs resembling one another yet differing like the dialects of a diverging spiritual language. Within this ferment already shadowed by the upraised boot of the Church, the groups we refer to as the Christian Gnostics—actually Sethians, Valentinians, Thomasites, Cainites, Ophites, Carpocratians, Borborites, and many others—merely represented particularly spicy and syncretic Christians, a sort of semi-exclusive and avant-garde R&D tendency, their adepts intent on hidden knowledge, personal enlightenment, and the occasional rapturous ascent. Many believed in Jesuses, in an unfolded Trinity, in a higher baptism… it’s just that they also happened to mistrust the Abrahamic God and his world; to differ on the meaning and status of Jesus; to draw ideas from Platonism, Neopythagoreanism, Zoroastrianism, and possibly their dreams; and to ground salvation not in the problem of sin but on the pursuit of gnosis, their writers regularly soaring into metaphysical flights of rhetoric that portrayed our world as a cosmic mirage, an intoxicating nightmare from which the inspirited seeker must only awake.
Against such mystics, the Church had every advantage. It had party loyalty, centralized discipline, and a soberer, slightly more realist Christianity, with a message aimed at everyone and not just the self-selected few. It had simplicity, organization, and ruthlessness, grace and very sharp knives. The Church Fathers would put the Gnostics to great use, in part defining their own orthodoxy through the expulsion of Gnosticism, and the destruction of its texts… which is a shame, for many eccentric, beautiful, unique and surprising ideas must have disappeared forever into graves and clerical fires. Before the Church’s iron gate whanged shut and the flames ignited, the Gnostics were carting around wheelbarrowfuls of secret books, glittery kaleidoscopic treasuries of scripture—treatises, cosmogonies, incantations, prophecies, apocalypses, some of which were masterpieces of mystical rhetoric, offered original answers to notorious theological conundrums, or upended mainstream Abrahamic stories and embroidered them with conceptual rhinestones. Flip through the fraction of texts that’ve survived—scriptures like The Tripartite Tractate, The Secret Book of John, The Holy Book of the Great Invisible Spirit, Eugnostos the Blessed, Pistis Sophia, or The Gospel of Judas—and you’ll meet the female Holy Spirit, Judas as a double agent working for the side in white, the snake in Eden as a hero bringing the gift of enlightenment, and Jesus as the Word laughing on the cross because his real body, his spiritual body, is uncrucifiable. You’ll hear the cross itself speak. You’ll be treated to ritual glossolalia and cryptic hints at a baptism called the Five Seals. You’ll read prayers for secret power, lyrical visions of cosmic churches, of the abolition of illusion and the death of death, of how Error, with power and in beauty, made a substitute for Truth. You will be told that humans ate of two trees, the Tree of Enlightened Insight, and the Tree of Life, which cursed our spirits to forget eternity: now we “have been bound with dimensions, times, and seasons, and fate is master of all.”
But the most audacious and churchshaking of all Gnostic myths—the myths that brought the Church Fathers’ meteors down upon their heads, the myths that finally sent our hypothetical Catholic shouting into the cold desert night, cursing our Gnostic to the Devil—have survived in great detail and in many forms. I alluded to these already: I mean the shocking creation stories which claimed that the Jews and Christians had all the details upside-down, backward and darkly, that the Abrahamic God was not what naïve Abrahamites believed, that Genesis told only half the story, and that the Question of Evil, that perennial puzzler and atheist-maker, had the simplest answer imaginable.
See, many Gnostics split the Abrahamic God in two.
They had an upper God of unmitigated goodness, the great invisible spirit, the transcendent Middle Platonic God, the God of Jesus and of Paul, you know him: he’s the ineffable, unknowable, taciturn and enigmatic Father of Justice, to be kneeled under with utmost humility. This omnipotent self-originator was the first maker and the source of all spirit, and he created through thought, forming ideas which solidified into autonomous beings. First he emanated the rest of the Trinity—at least in some texts—but then he branched like a cosmic river into a flowing family tree of divine attributes, emanations both separate and a part of him, plural and one, grooving interlocked in a higher-dimensional bliss of mutual adoration. This perfect Father—especially in the myths of Jewish Gnostics called Sethians—had no direct role in the creation of evil or our world, and bore absolutely no responsibility for our suffering.
No, evil and our world only appeared when the youngest emanation, called Wisdom, or Sophia, struck out on her own and committed a catastrophic spiritual crime. The nature of the crime varies from text to text, but usually she attempted to create by herself, without her partner, or to comprehend the upper God—either way, she violated the cosmic order, acting in presumption and deficiency, out of unspeakable pride. And from her pride was born a monster.
This was the lower God, an evil deity called Yaldabaoth or the Demiurge, a mid-powered craftsman-God adopted from Platonism but mutated by Sethians into an insecure, fucked-up loser. This cack-handed cretin woke up alone in darkness, concluded that he had made himself, and then—since he was ultimately a cracked mirror of the great invisible creator—set about slapping our unreal world together, making it from shadows and dreams and other spare illusions. As he worked, he unconsciously copied heavenly forms and hierarchies… and did a terrible job. He might have been evil, he might have created a million styles of suffering, but Yaldabaoth was not at all a Christian Satan, not some diabolically intelligent heavy-metal pain-lord looming over his earthly hellscape; no, this moody, jealous punisher, this embodied sacrifice-sniffer, this amateurish meddler roving up and down and flinging lightning bolts at his own people, demanding ceaseless slaughter and sacrifice, was the God of the Old Testament, revealed not just as a murderous jerk but as a dumb, talentless hack, his mediocre world like a child’s drawing blotched with red-crayon scribbles of blood, a moldy, stinking parody of all goodness and worth.
Worse, Yaldabaoth suffered under his own inferiority and lashed out when he felt challenged. When we humans threatened to surpass him by enlightened insight, he shackled us to fate and locked us into death, so that we would forget our greatness which made him feel so subpar. Imagine: billions of people have died in the mostly ghastly conceivable ways, all because our gnosis wounded his ego. A petty tyrant writ cosmically large, he would have been pathetic, even pitiable, if he weren’t the showrunner of our lives, the petulant orchestrator of all pain, bitchily yanking at the puppet strings of the theater of torture that we think of as our world—that colossal junkyard of illusions where people reel around confused by death, dazzled by materiality, blinded by the daily phantasmagoria of horrors, having abandoned their inner wells of living light, though their flesh-buried sparks of spirit are ever tantalized by the rapturous fragrance of the All, though their darkened minds always sense on some level that they do not belong here, that it is possible to wake up from this nightmare, that reality is not real, existence does not exist, and to be is not to be.
We must picture our early Catholic, in the moments before his noisy flight, staring with nauseated horror at the Gnostic. That bloodhound of enlightenment hasn’t looked up in a while, retelling his creation story with awe and trembling, mesmerized and moved all over again by this heady doctrine which contains the solution to his suffering, the explanation for his pain, for his fears and feelings about the world, about being watched, toyed with, persecuted, about being misled and betrayed and hated, about truth being concealed and difficult to find, about the somnolence of the masses. The demonic pains in his gut, the death of his infant daughter, the idiots in charge everywhere at all times, the staggeringly high victory-rate of the forces of darkness, the godawful, unforgivable suffering of innocents—all this finally made sense. Our Gnostic found an elegant answer to the Question of Evil, and had the Churchites been able to bear it, they might have saved themselves millennia of defensive oratory on the perennially red-eyed and heart-rending question of why innocents suffer. Ask the Catholic why a good God made evil, and you’ll get that familiar rigmarole about how we are granted free will in order to be tested, to sort good from evil and place our salvation in our own hands; ask a darkened luminary like Dostoevsky, if you want to be informed that we need to suffer to be able to choose Jesus, and if necessary the poor must starve and die. All those blameless children who get beaten, diddled, napalmed? They’re collateral damage in the great sorting of souls, victim of someone else’s wrong choice, destroyed by a design some call intelligent. But why, precisely, did a good God have to make evil? Why cancer, why brain parasites? Why boil us in the tar pit of time? The Gnostic shrugs sadly, expansively, with thick maroon smudges under his eyes, and, idly rotating a lamp he’s staring into, with little lights dancing in his pupils, reveals the truest thing he knows: that innocents bleed, the rapacious rule, and our lives are carnage incarnated, because our world is a psychotic prison made from pride and pain, a ceaseless cycle of suffering dreamed down by a colossal lion-headed wanker. Our world was created by a counterfeit, a ravener and a ravisher, a violent and childish dumb-ass, and we may confirm the bad news with this insight from the Gospel of Phillip:
“God is a man-eater, and so humans are sacrificed to him.”

[FIRST][LAST]
After Action Report - Venlil Colonial Defense Force
Subject : Captain Farva
A gentle giggle rose from the foot of my bed. I curl up in my blankets at first not willing to be woken by the kids; Whatever they were up to; my mind still foggy from morning dreariness. I heard chief Donu exchanging excitedly with someone not far away in engineering speak, my tired brain could not parse. The tones of synthetic beeps, and electrical humming slowly entered my awareness. I raised my paw to wipe the morning dew from my eyes but I felt some kind of resistance to my paw. I sit up confused, I am not in my bedroom, or my quarters aboard my ship.
I am on a soft bed, with a soft blanket made of a finely woven material draped off my form. Around me is a curtain wall hung off of a curved metal pole which encompasses the entire bed, and I am flanked on both sides by medical equipment. Boxy screens display what I assume to be my vital signs accompanied by a strange blocky alien script. Inspecting my arm I notice an IV drip is inserted into the vein. Feeling a fading headache I reach up to my forehead where I feel a bandage covering a tender wound. Where Did I….
A sharp meep escapes my mouth. I am on the predator ship!
I quickly begin to tear at the IV line, not wanting whatever poisons the predators are feeding me to further enter my body. The room goes quiet, the curtain wall is disturbed, I focus on tearing away the bandage, panicking my coordination falters but I almost have it out when a paw reaches out to stop me. A cream colored venlil has rushed to my bed frantically batting at my arms in an attempt to stop me from saving myself.
“Captain, please let me help. I don't want you to hurt yourself!”
Not thinking, in full stampede mode I back hand the interloper with my paw.
A startle meep escapes her lips.
The IV is ripped out with the sudden motion.
Orange Blood begins to drip from the improperly removed IV.
This site further raises my heart rate.
The Venlil Recovers and I recognize her.
“Nurse Fila, What are you doing? what's going on?!”
“Farva you need to calm down, your going to be alright let me look at that arm”
“NO!”
I pulled my injured arm away. Jumping up to stand on the bed. Why was Fila working with the predators? What had they injected into my body?
“What are they holding over you! Why are you working with the predators! Where's Nyan?!”
“Captain Farva please calm down, These predators are different, they don't want to hurt us, you need to believe me”
It must have been some mind altering drug, these predators clearly have her under their spell! I needed to get out of here. I couldn't force her to come with me. I needed to escape and regroup, and pray to whatever gods will listen that I could get off this ship somehow.
I bolted from the bed crashing through the curtains, they did not move out of the way fast enough and my mass caused the curtain rods to be hoisted from their housings. I collapsed upon the floor, my movement hindered by the tangled mass of predatory linens. I struggled against the vile curtain entrapment. I had to use my claws to tear my way free of them. I looked up, predatory growls of surprise, and startled meeps echoed out from all around me.
My peripheral vision was filled with images of both predator and prey alike, I was surrounded on all sides. Nurse Fila was behind me stunned by my sudden actions. Donu looked towards me with concern, and I looked to the far end of the room to see Nyan, In the clutches of a blond haired predator. Digging her claws into his young flesh.
Donu gets up gesturing with her tail in a placating motion. “Easy now Farva, don’t do anything rash!” Donu speaks.
They have her too!
I bolt past her and the massive predator standing next to her. I go to grab Nyan, but he is pulled from my reach! The large predator turns her body to shield me from her catch.
“Hey easy now!” It barks, holding Nyan away from me.
Nyan reaches his paw out past the predator. A horrified look in his eyes.
With only the frantic strength a mother could conjure, I grasp his outstretched paw and pull him from the predator's grasp. With him once again in my arms I see the door to the pen we are in begin to open. Wasting no time, I bolt full sprint from the door. Only to be met by a large black mass. A tall impenetrable wall of muscle, cloaked in foot to shoulder black artificial pelts. Holding a colorful pink box, no doubt gaining that color from being caked in the blood of innocent prey animals. I raise my paw not holding Nyan to swipe at him, to rip my way past him. But before I can make contact my arm is grabbed by the predator's meaty digits. It holds me tight just below the paw where the wound from the ripped out IV sits. Blood dripped from the wound, no doubt triggering its bloodlust. I drop Nyan to free my other paw, I go to swipe the predator to free my arm but again I am stopped. I look to my right to see Donu restraining my arm.
“Donu let go!” I scream. “You're not of your own mind!”
“My mind is fine thank you!” She replies.
I turn to kick her away, striking her twice with quick kicks. Desperately trying to free myself from her deranged clutches. I wind up to kick a third time only for Nyan to wrap his whole body around my legs.
“Nyan Stop” I cry, my heart beating at a million light years per hour.
“Please…Don't hurt Teal’c and Donu” Nyan pleads.
I frantically wiggle my body desperately trying to regain autonomy from my traitorous captors.
“Im going to sedate her” proclaims my former ship nurse Fila.
Grabbing a Needle she stalks towards me, eager and willing to deliver me into the jaws of her captors.
“That will not be necessary” says the large predator holding my arm. He sets his package upon a nearby bed, and grabs my other arm from Donu, and then easily flips me around. And holds my arms behind my head, he then proceeds to kick my legs out from under me and forces me to the ground in a vice-like headlock.
“BE CALM CAPTAIN FARVA” It bellows “Further resistance will only cause more harm to yourself, and more worry from your crew, listen to them”
“Captain please just relax your safe, if they wanted to hurt you they could have a long time ago” Donu almost seems to try and trick me to the predator's side. But I see her glancing nervously towards the cut on my arms. Deep down I think she knows what that means. Nyan also pleads with me to listen. It's at this I begin to tear up at the hopelessness of it all. I wail out in despair frantically thrashing to free myself from the predator's death grip but to no avail.
I sit here once again, bested by predators, having failed those I love, but instead of rotting in a cattle pen or in the belly of an Arxurs stomach. They lie in a different kind of pen, their minds’ no longer theirs, as they fall victim to the predator's spell. Brainwashed to serve as the perfect compliant cattle.
Nurse Fila approaches a needle in her hand.
“I'm going to sedate her I need to look at that wound”
“Hold up a second” speaks the blond predator, she seems to be calming down.
The truth is I have no will left to fight, I have been bested time and again, there is only sorrow left and self pity. I only wish for a swift end now. I don't wish to live with the weight of this long string of failures weighing on my mind any longer. I go limp in the predator's arms.
“Please just… make it quick predator” I manage to say, sobbing making it hard to talk as I get out the words between snuffling breaths.
“It's okay Farva, please don't be sad” Nyan pleads as he clings tightly to my waist.
The predator holding me growls quietly into my ear. “I am going to release you now, do not attempt to harm nurse Fila as she is trying to help you now, do you understand?”. I tilt my ears in the affirmative, nothing happens for a moment until Donu signals to the predator who I guess whose name is Teal’c that I responded in the affirmative. My arms are slowly brought to my side. My left arm is released but not the wounded right one. Teal’c displaying some knowledge in medical etiquette seems to be intentionally applying pressure to the wound to prevent bleeding, I am led back to the bed.
Nurse Fila is about to attempt to fix my wound but is stopped by the blond predator.
“Allow me, this should go a lot more smoothly with this.” The blond predator produces a strange golden metal device, it appears like a strange wiry gauntlet, with metal claws and a strange crystal in the center. It emits a strange pulsing sound that I cringe at, but I am held firm by nurse fila, I can't look away as the strange glow it emits passes over my arms. The curtain of despair lifts for a moment, replaced by incredulousness as before my eyes the wounded artery in my arms miraculously seals itself, as elegantly as a flight suit being zipped up. My arm is left feeling slightly warm which soon fades, any sign of the wound is gone.
Fila speaks in an incredulous tone.
“It is endlessly baffling how your medical bay is stocked with simple alcohol based disinfectants and primitive bandages and sutures. Like something I'd see in a primitive yotul field hospital, while simultaneously containing healing tools so advanced they would make the finest Zurulian theoretical medical engineers sell their own tail.”
The blond predator lets out a high pitched broken chortle, which my translator pings as laughter. “I don’t know what a Zurulian is but compared to what we've seen this is nothing, this is a miniature version of the same technology used in a Goa'uld sarcophagus, which can reanimate dead tissue, bringing people back to life even after complete brain death.”
“Fascinating” Donu replied “what is the nature of this radiation”
“That technology itself is actually derivative of an ancient healing device created by our distant primordial ancestors the Alterans, which emitted subspace based healing radiation. We currently have the original device back in our home dimension being reverse engineered back in area 51” Spoke a third predator, who was standing up against the far wall.
He seemed to be holding onto himself quite fiercely, perhaps he struggled to hold in his bloodlust, unlike the two predators currently at my side.
“For predators they have such wondrous technology Farva” Donu says as she takes my paw and massages it gently in an attempt to ease my anxiety. “I almost wouldn't believe it if not for what they have shown us so far. Tell me, do you know how they got us off of our ship?”
A wave of realization washed over me as I sat dumbfounded in the bed. How did they get us off this ship? My brain had been in nonstop flight mode since the battle. I had been so occupied with survival I never stopped to contextualize my mere presence, on this ship, in one piece, why had we all seemingly awoken in this ship's hangar bay. No wait we didn't awaken, most of us were standing. Maybe we were drugged and removed, with no memory of the lost time. But that couldn’t be right. I was looking at the countdown to the core explosion. It had hit zero. I saw the flash myself.
“I was on the bridge holding Nyan in my arms, but after that I remember being in that hangar bay, with Nyan, in the exact same position.”
“The humans have a technology that allows them to break down matter at the atomic level, transfer it via an electromagnetic molecular confinement beam, and reassemble it at a different location completely remotely!” Donu excitedly proclaimed.
“You were teleported directly from the bridge to our ships hangar bay with your crew, and Donu to our infirmary due to her severe radiation poisoning.” Commented the blond predator.
Nyan finished crawling up the bed and snuggled into my side. “They fixed Donu, Samantha fixed her with her healing glove!” Nyan excitedly brayed, his tail wagging uncontrollably.
My stomach dropped, how had I forgotten, how did I let that slip my mind, Donu was subjected to at least 3.6 standard units of gamma radiation. Her presence here was a miracle. I hugged her tightly, my guilt for my actions only increased, how could I neglect the damage done to one of my oldest friends. Was I so predator diseased that I forgot to think of my herd?
The predator whose name was Samantha spoke ”Yeh sorry it took us so long, we cut it a lot closer than we wanted, but we had to adjust our transporter lock to account for the radiation flooding the ship, the levels experienced were harmless for the most part, but enough to cause problems.”
The fear chemicals were slowly draining from my mind, my head became clearer as I started to consider the actions of these predators so far. They had offered to help my ship while risking their own vessel, they had tried for peace before throwing themselves into battle, they had little reason to help us and little reason to try and take our technology as their capabilities seem to surpass ours in many ways so far.
I looked towards the blond haired predator, towards Samantha.
“Why did you help us? What do you hope to gain?”
She responded ”Well now we would like to maybe get some intel about this local region of space, we are not from around here and frankly we could do with some help securing some parts. But with that in mind we didn't really expect anything out of you when we first got your hail. We helped because you were in trouble, and your situation sounded dire.”
“And I'm just supposed to believe that! Prey ships would be waging pros and cons before even thinking about helping another ship under attack, especially with not knowing anything at all about the other ships capabilities”
Donu squeezed my paw and interjected. "These humans aren’t like normal predators, they are pack predators, they are very social, and even appear to feel genuine empathy, they even eat plants, they have been feeding us from their own reserves!”
“How is that possible?” I ask, having never heard of such a thing.
“Well where we come from” Samantah responded ”Omnivorous life is extremely common, not just on our home planet but nearly every one of the thousands of habitable planets we have visited contain omnivorous life in some form or another, It is an incredibly beneficial evolutionary trait.”
“Thousands! How can that be, our scientist have never encountered such a thing”
“That's the thing, they're not from this galaxy Farva, they're not even from this dimension!”
Donu gets into explaining the technical aspects of the Daedalus's faithful journey to our dimension, while Nyan, an always hungry growing boy, runs off during her explanation, to approach the large predator known as Teal’c.
“Can I have another donut?” he asks, pointing to the box that I now realize is not covered in blood but instead merely painted a gaudy pink.
“You may, but only after you have completed your grooming rituals, it is important for little ones such as yourself to learn and maintain proper hygiene practices” Teal’c spoke, his growls almost seeming to take up a fatherly aura.
He looks disappointed slightly but then his ears and tail perks up as he runs behind Samantha and out of sight, he remerges with a hairbrush and plops himself down on the predator's lap. To which she responds by snarling at him intensely.
“Donu” I shriek, interrupting the third predator's speech on the volatile nature of fourth dimensional space. Shocked at how quickly the predator could go from civility to volatility so rapidly. I was quickly calmed by Donu and Fila assuring me that this was merely an odd habit of the humans. The upturned teeth baring signaled happiness to them. Samantha made it clear to me that since her jaw was not clenched it did not indicate aggression. Her explanation sounded dubious, but after further observation, her following actions did not seem to indicate she wanted to harm the boy. Nyan offers her the brush once he sees that I am finished panicking.
She gives and odd closed mouth smile. "You have an almost PHD level knowledge of physics! don't tell me you don't know how to brush your own fur”
His tail gives a meek wag. ”I like when you do it, you have such nice flat nails and warm fingers!”
He makes his eyes go wide like a pup pleading for attention. The predator’s resolve immediately falters. ”Awh how could I say no to such a cute little angel”.
Samantha begins to help the boy detangle his fur, running her long grasping appendages through his fur in combination with the brush to gently pull apart the knots. He’s already clean from the grime that was present on him from when we were back on the heavily damaged ship, speaking of which I gesture to nurse Kila.
“Kila, how is the crew? How are they holding up? why aren't they here?”
“17 survivors including yourself, the humans have set up a triage center in their hangar bay, keeping the crew together and trying to give them some space, their stable but many of them are bedridden. They're quite scared naturally but,“ nurse Kila gives a look towards the humans “but I think we are going to be alright.”
“So what happens now?” I asked, “you aren't from this dimension and you said you were having drive problems, can you fix those? What are your plans for this dimension?”
The third predator stalked out from his isolated corner to address the room in a posture that emphasized the obvious restraint that was required to contain his instincts around us. “Hi ummm.. My name is Doctor Rodney Mckay, I think I can help with that question, simply put, our drive system uses a specialized quantum subspace field generator to warp 4th dimensional space in a way that allows us to track and catalog dimensional eddies as we call them, and track their specific frequencies which allow us to…….”
------- one long boring explanation later ------
“Ah So I see, you came to this dimension by mistake and need a replacement part that you cannot manufacture yourself to return home, but you think we might be able to manufacture a replacement with our industry?” I asked for clarification from Rodney.
“I discussed with your chief engineer earlier, we should be able to reproduce the part we need at what Donu described as a hyper fabricator, the meta materials available in your dimension you use for warp travel should be sufficient to recreate the part we need”
“In exchange I believe we can help you with your little arxur problem.” Spoke Samantha, running her grasping appendages through the fur of a contented Nyan, who was happily munching away at the strange circular Staryu-like treat the human Teal'c had presented him. Samantha proclaiming it to be sourced from his personal stash.
I was taken back by the revelation that they wanted to offer further assistance, when the predators first mentioned their damaged drive system, I thought they might try to leverage our place as rescued survivors as a means to get access to the part they needed to repair their damaged vessel. But now they were offering further assistance in exchange?
“I don’t understand, you've already done so much? Why would you help us more and risk more damage to your vessel?”
“Well if you want the reason we are going to put on paper, “Samantha said, ”it's to gather intel about a potential threat, and to ensure trust and cooperation of the locals to better expedite the procurement of mission critical drive components. If you want our real reason, its that no one deserves what has been done to you, we can't stay because we have responsibilities in our home dimension, but we don't see why we can’t help you while we are here.”
“So wait, are you proposing what I think you're proposing?”
“I am, from what we learned from your crew the arxur take a large portion of their abductees as cattle, we can track your subspace trails quite quickly and we think we have a good chance of hunting down the arxur transport ships.”
Nyan angled his head to look at both me and the human. Hope in his eyes, the idea of getting my family back would normally seem like an impossible dream, but here I was being comforted by predators, offering to risk their lives for a very lopsided trade in our favor. An ember of hope for the first time in many claws went alight in my chest.
I looked to Donu, who while trying to hide it, looked forlornly in Nyans direction. He was so happy to hear about a rescue plan and excited by all the predators' incredible technology, but while my family was young and fertile enough to be taken as cattle and potentially rescued. I had little doubt that if his family wasn't eaten, or killed in the bombing of the colony, the arxur would have no reason to hold a couple of such advanced age as cattle.
While I myself was a meek prey and a hopeless failure of a military officer, these Humans, despite obviously being fierce predators, had shown off an odd compassion. If anyone could; stand up to the arxur, and hunt them in return it was them.
I would help them anyway I could, they were unfamiliar with our foe, but they have shown themselves to be quite adaptable so far. Working together, we just maybe had a chance at making up for my failures. To set things right, and to save innocent prey from a fate worse than death.
“I think I may have to take you up on your offer kind predator”
Officer Report - Captain Caldwell
CLEARANCE LEVEL 5
Our interim chief engineer Dr.Mckay has successfully clamped open the 4th dimensional hole in space ; as he calls it; so we are clear to jump through this dimension freely without losing our path back to our home dimension. While my first impulse would be to jump to Earth, Unfortunately it seems that this dimension’s earth cold war went hot and it is currently a bombed out waste land. That being said carter and Mckay have struck a deal with the captain of the destroyed venlil defense frigate, in exchange for aiding in the rescue of captured civilians, they are willing to grant us access to the advanced manufacturing equipment needed to repair our Quantum drive.
While the antagonistic cannibalistic arxur are certainly an intimidating foe, they are not invincible and our ship stacks up favorably against theirs when specialized techniques are employed. The problem they cause for us is more unique. Carnivores are rare in this dimension and seemingly more so are omnivores. The Herbivore species known as the venlil are quite afraid of us, having dealt with these arxur for so long, and also due to a seemingly quite intense biological fear response, have been very wary to deal with us. Fortunately due to our admittedly unusually charismatic crew, and their admirable diplomatic efforts, we seem to have gotten them to calm down a lot since we initially transported them onto our ship. I am going to check up on the venlil crew and captain in the Medbay now, as they will be the most essential venlil to our efforts going forward.
As I walk in it seems that captain Farva is fast asleep, while Rodney appears to be using a Donut to explain the workings of a stargate to the aliens engineers.
“Okay so the stargate, you see this donut, imagine it's about 10 venlil tall, and made of metal” Rodney picks up another donut and hands it to the Child named Nyan. ”Okay first off don't eat that, secondly imagine you are a ancient alien race, and you want to get to point A to point B as fast as possible. Ftl isn’t quite fast enough so what if you could instead skip the trip and skip to the end. The stargate network allowed the ancient alternans to simply walk from planet to planet” Rodney used his finger to gesture from donut to donut in his explanation of the stargates, speaking about their functions as well as their dangers, mentioning some notable accidents associated with their use, like unwanted time travel, stellar poisoning and dimension hopping, the ladder being a large part of why we were here in this dimension to begin with. Most concerningly however, the venlil Nyan took a bite out of the donut when rodney finished his explanation.
Samantha was working quietly with nurse Fila and looked up from some chemical diagrams when she noticed I had entered the room. I asked if I could have a word, and took Her, Rodney, and Teal'c aside to have a meeting with them. We left the room due to the venlil’s exceptional hearing, as we had previously discovered when various medics made some inappropriate comments on how the venlil were “cute enough to eat '' thinking they were out of earshot.
Having taken them aside I spoke up. “I have already told this to Shepard and our medical staff in the hangar bay, and I would like to congratulate you on your remarkable progress on bridging the gap with the venlil. Going from shoot on sight in the hangar bay to literally eating out of your hands in a matter of hours represents some major diplomatic prowess.”
“Thank you captain” Samantha Said.
“There behavior is indeed most unusual” followed Teal’c
“But seemingly quite understandable given what they have been through with the wraith, Sorry! Arxur, Freudian slip.” chimed rodney.
“I would love to look at the biosphere of one of their planets, their ecology seems preposterous judging by the way they describe it. But they are a space faring species so they presumably know what they are talking about.” added Samantha.
“I myself am curious based on what you reported general, their dimension is quite odd but I suppose ours would be weird to them as well, but we have responsibilities back home.” I responded curtly. “I do have a question for you all though, The Venlil are a herbivorous species with intense emotional reactions and societal values pertaining to the consumption of meat, including animal products correct?”
Samantha answered ”We have been avoiding the subject of meat consumption as much as possible, focusing on our plant based foods for the venlil’s comfort, and they have been happy to keep that topic to a minimum after the initial introductions, but I don't believe they would respond well to the idea of consumption of…..” Samantha trails off with a worried look. “Oh god wait, please don’t tell me”
Teal’c looks confused, Rodney facepalms.
“You do know that donuts have eggs in them? Don't you.”

Grey’s Anatomy Narration
Season Three
Episode One: Time Has Come Today
Meredith Grey
In the O.R., time loses all meaning. In the midst of sutures and saving lives, the clock ceases to matter. 15 minutes, 15 hours…inside the O.R., the best surgeons make time fly. Outside the O.R., however, time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks - slowing down, hovering…until it freezes…leaving us stuck in a moment, unable to move in one direction or the other.
Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time…time to stand up…time to grow up…time to let go…time.
Episode Two: I Am a Tree
Meredith Grey
At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour. We don’t have control over most of them. When we get a chill - goose bumps, when we get excited - adrenaline. The body naturally follows its impulses, which I think is part of what makes it so hard to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control…that we later wish we had.
The body is a slave to its impulses. But the thing that makes us human…is what we can control. After the storm…after the rush…after the heat of the moment has passed…we can cool off and clean up the messes we’ve made. We can try to let go of what was…and then again…
Episode Three: Sometimes a Fantasy
Meredith Grey
Surgeons usually fantasize about wild and improbable surgeries - someone collapses in a restaurant, we slice them open with a butter knife, replace a valve with a hollowed-out stick of carrot. But every now and then, some other kind of fantasy slips in. Most of our fantasies dissolve when we wake, banished to the back of our mind. But sometimes, we’re sure…if we try hard enough…we can live the dream.
The fantasy is simple…pleasure is good…and twice as much pleasure is better…that pain is bad…and no pain is better.
But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something. And there’s only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomachache. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.
Episode Four: What I am
Meredith Grey
At some point during surgical residency, most interns get a sense of who they are as doctors and the kinds of surgeons they’re going to become. If you ask them, they’ll tell you - they’re going to be general surgeons…orthopedic surgeons…neurosurgeons…distinctions which do more than describe their areas of expertise. They help define who they are. Because outside the operating room, not only do most surgeons have no idea who they are, they’re afraid to find out.
Episode Five: Oh, the Guilt
Meredith Grey
First do no harm - as doctors, we pledge to live by this oath. But harm happens…and then guilt happens. And there’s no oath for how to deal with that.
Guilt never goes anywhere on its own. It bring its friends doubt and insecurity.
First do no harm - easier said than done. We can take all the oaths in the world, but the fact is…most of us do harm all the time.
Sometimes even when we’re trying to help…we do more harm than good…and the guilt rears its ugly head. What you do with that guilt is up to you.
We’re left with a choice…either let the guilt throw you back into the behavior that got you into trouble in the first place or…learn from the guilt and do your best to move on.
Episode Six: Let the Angels Commit
Meredith Grey
To make it…really make it…as a surgeon…it takes major commitment. We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel and make a cut that may or may not do more damage than good. It’s all about being committed…because if we’re not…we have no business picking up that scalpel in the first place.
There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment. And we may be surprised by the commitments we’re willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we’re willing to make. True commitment takes effort…and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes…we have to learn the hard way to choose out commitments very carefully.
Episode Seven: Where the Boys Are
Meredith Grey
As surgeons, we’re trained to look for disease. Sometimes the problem’s easily detected. Most of the time, you need to go step-by-step, first probing the surface, looking for any sign of trouble…a mole or a lesion or an unwelcome lump.
Most of the time, we can’t tell what’s wrong with somebody by just looking at them. After all, they can look perfectly fine on the outside while their insides tell us a whole other story.
Not all wounds are superficial. Most wounds run deeper than we can imagine. You can’t see them with the naked eye. And then there are the wounds that take us by surprise.
The trick with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find the real source of the injury. And once you’ve found it…try like hell to heal that sucker.
Episode Eight: Staring at the Sun
Meredith Grey
Many people don’t know that the human eye has a blind spot in its field of vision. Theres a part of the world that we are literally blind to. The problem is, sometimes our blind spots shield us from things that really shouldn’t be ignored. Sometimes our blind spots keep our life bright and shiny.
Episode Nine: From a Whisper to a Scream
Cristina Yang
As doctors…we know everybody’s secrets - their medical histories…sexual histories…confidential information that is as essential to a surgeon as a 10-blade…and every bit as dangerous. We keep secrets. We have to. But not all secrets can be kept.
In some ways, betrayal is inevitable. When our bodies betray us, surgery is often the key to recovery. When we betray each other…when we betray each other, the path to recovery is less clear.
We do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust that was lost. And then there are some wounds, some betrayals that are so deep, so profound…that there’s no way to repair what was lost. And when that happens…there’s nothing left to do but wait.
Episode Ten: Don’t Stand So Close to Me
Meredith Grey
At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody…so this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other - it’s usually a load of bull.
So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to. And once we’ve chosen those people…we tend to stick close by…no matter how much we hurt them.
The people that are still with you at the end of the day…those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close…but sometimes that invasion of personal space…it can be exactly what you need.
Episode Eleven: Six Days: Part 1
[No narration]
Episode Twelve: Six Days: Part 2
[No narration]
Episode Thirteen: Great Expectations
Meredith Grey
No one believes their life will turn out just kind of okay. We all think we’re going to be great. And from the day we decide to be surgeons, we are filled with expectation - expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make…great expectations of who we will be, where we will go. And then we get there.
We all think we’re going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing…still. The expected’s just the beginning. The unexpected…is what changes our lives.
Episode Fourteen: Wishin’ and Hopin’
Meredith Grey
As surgeons, we live in a world of worst-case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping for the best because too many times, the best doesn’t happen. But every now and then, something extraordinary occurs…and suddenly…best-case scenarios seem possible. And every now and then, something amazing happens…and against our better judgement…we start to have hope.
As doctors, we’re trained to give our patients just the facts. But what our patients really want to know is, will the pain ever go away? Will I feel better? Am I cured? What our patients really want to know is…is there hope? But inevitably, there are times when you find yourself in the worst-case scenario…when the patient’s body has betrayed them and all the science we have to offer has failed them. When the worst-case scenario comes true, clinging to hope is all we’ve got left.
Episode Fifteen: Walk on Water
Meredith Grey
Disappearances happen in science - disease can suddenly fade away, tumors go missing. We open someone up to discover the cancer is gone. It’s unexplained, it’s rare, but it happens. We call it misdiagnosis…say we never saw it in the first place…any explanation but the truth…that life is full of vanishing acts. If something that we didn’t know we had disappears, do we miss it?
Episode Sixteen: Drowning on Dry Land
Meredith Grey
Like I said…disappearances happen - pains go phantom…blood stops running…and people - people fade away.
There’s more I have to say…so much more. But…I’ve disappeared.
Episode Seventeen: Some Kind of Miracle
Meredith Grey
There are medical miracles. Being worshippers at the altar of science, we don’t like to believe miracles exist. But they do. Things happen. We can’t explain them, we can’t control them…but they do happen.
Miracles do happen in medicine. They happen every day. Just not always when we need them to happen.
At the end of a day like this, a day when so many prayers are answered and so many aren’t…we take our miracles where we find them. We reach across the gap…and sometimes…against all odds…against all logic…we touch.
Episode Eighteen: Scars and Souvenirs
Meredith Grey
People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places, like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of all their old wounds. Most our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don’t.
Some wounds we carry with us everywhere, and though the cut’s long gone…the pain still lingers.
What’s worse, new wounds, which are so horribly painful…or old wounds that should’ve healed years ago and never did?
Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us of where we’ve been and what we’ve overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That’s what we like to think. But that’s not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over, and over, and over again.
Episode Nineteen: My Favorite Mistake
Meredith Grey
Surgeons always have a plan…where to cut, where to clamp, where to stitch. But even with the best plans…complications can arise, things can go wrong…and suddenly you’re caught with your pants down.
The thing about plans is, they don’t take into account the unexpected. So when we’re thrown a curveball whether it’s in the O.R. or in life…we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B…and make the best of it.
And sometimes…what we want…is exactly what we need. But sometimes…sometimes what we need is a new plan.
Episode Twenty: Time After Time
Meredith Grey
A patient’s history is as important as their symptoms. It’s what helps us decide if heartburn’s a heart attack, if a headache’s a tumor. Sometimes patients will try to rewrite their own histories. They’ll claim they don’t smoke or forget to mention certain drugs, which, in surgery can be the kiss of death. We can ignore it all we want…but our history…eventually always comes back to haunt us.
Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point, we all have to choose. Do we fall back on what we know? Or do we step forward to something new? It’s hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us, what guides us.
Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember…sometimes the most important history is the history we’re making today.
Episode Twenty-One: Desire
Meredith Grey
As interns, we know what we want - to become surgeons…and we’ll do anything to get there. Suffer through killer exams, endure 100-hour weeks, stand for hours on end in operating rooms…you name it, we’ll do it. The tough part, though, is reconciling this huge thing we want - to be surgeons - with everything else we want.
Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken…it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be…the people who suffer the most…are those who don’t know what they want.
Episode Twenty-Two: The Other Side of This Life: Part 1
Meredith Grey
The dream is this - that we’ll finally be happy when we reach our goals. Find the guy, finish our internship - that’s the dream. Then we get there. And if we’re human, we immediately start dreaming of something else. Because if this is the dream…then we’d like to wake up…now, please.
Episode Twenty-Three: The Other Side of This Life: Part 2
Meredith Grey
At some point, maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves the reality is better. We convince ourselves it’s better that we never dream at all. But the strongest of us, the most determine of us, we hold on to the dream. Or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find ourselves…against all odds…feeling hopeful. And if we’re lucky, we realize…in the face of everything, in the face of life…the true dream…is being able to dream at all.
Episode Twenty-Four: Testing 1-2-3
Meredith Grey
A surgeon’s education never ends. Every patient, every symptom, every operation…is a test, a chance for us to demonstrate how much we know…and how much more we have to learn.
Episode Twenty-Five: Didn’t We Almost Have it All?
Richard Webber
Being chief is about responsibility. Every single surgical patient in the hospital is your patient, whether you’re the one who cut them open or not. The scalpel stops with you. You need to be able to look at a family…and tell them your team did everything they could to save someone’s child…their husband…their wife. You get caught up…taking care of other people’s families. And responsibility, it makes you…you take care of other people’s families…and you sacrifice your own.

I've compiled some of my thought process behind the connections. Changed: Fe (Interoception) to Fe (Gut feeling)
Fi - Olfactory perception (Survival function, chemical perception) Fi is closely related to the sense of smell. Associated with sensing danger. Follow your nose as people say, or trust your feelings. When it comes to food, it describes what is acceptable and from there can discern personal preference. Fi, though primal in nature, is essential for the survival of the tribe. An Fi user might say, I have to live in order for everyone to survive. And some may find this empowering, some will find it selfish or prideful even, but what the Fi user says is only a conclusion made from internal processing. Under each's word lie depth of thought, and everyone who has ever been misunderstood knows this.
Ti - Auditory systems (Order function, from the ground up approach, electrical perception) Ti is closely related to the sense of hearing. Associated with ears or openness, not in the sense of being revealing. When it comes to food, sharp hearing is necessary in order to pinpoint cries of possible food source. This resonates with Ti accuracy approach. Ti perceives sound in relation to a grid like system. Is this an inner radar perhaps? A four dimensional radar maybe?
Fe - Gut feeling (Nurturing function, Parent's intuition, known by some as mother's intuition or maternal instinct) Fe is closely related to gut sense. Associated with how one feels about discomfort. Also a type of empathy. Gut feeling, if I can discern, is not so much as a focus on the internal or external but rather a collective feeling that is involuntarily felt that increases in intensity as more red flags pop up whether picked up by the subconscious or otherwise. These red flags I believe are felt in contrast with the Fe user's set beliefs or feelings based on past experiences (Si) or conventional wisdom (Ni).
Te - Gustatory operations (Integration function, top down approach) Te is closely related to the sense of taste. Associated with categorizing. The sense of taste is most likely the first sense to group objects. When it comes to food, it describes what is too much or not enough. This resonates with Te efficiency. "Enough" translates well into "efficient". Te, just like the sense of taste, is practical. it does not concern itself with scents or flavour profiles. It focuses on things that is of benefit. i.e. Sweet equals energy, salt equals regulation, etc.
Ni - Visions (Motivating function, Big picture) Ni is closely related to the sense of sight. Focus is the keyword. Seeing patterns is a reoccurring theme. Inductive. Conventional wisdom starter pack. Ni is depth of vision. The more it sees, the more it can see. The future truly holds many possibilities, yet I shall press ahead— and I forgot the casserole. - Ni brain
Si - Sense of feeling (Maintenance function, touch, interoception, thermoception, and also nociception) Si is closely related to the sense of feeling, whether it be external or internal. Details are remembered, nuances are recorded, changes are taken notice of. The difference is details are more or less unchanging, nuances are subtleties, changes are pinned on timeframes. Note: Feeling sensation is not skin deep. Si is direct and touches all subjects. Si perceives the everchanging aspects of the world that the tendency is to crave a sense of familiarity or anchor.
Ne - Speech perception (Inspiring function) Ne is closely related to the only sense that is connected to creativity and unexplored territory. Deductive. Innovations starter pack. Ne is vast vocabulary. The more is seen, the more is revealed. The past let go, yet I shall bring what is behind me, that and fireworks! - Ne brain Just my two cents. - Me
Se - Spatial perception (Adaptive function) Se is closely related to the sense of spatial awareness, body awareness, positional awareness and breathing awareness. Yes, that's a thing. Se users are your "go to" breathing instructors. Proper breathing technique helps the body heal from physical and mental fatigue. Se perceives the unchanging aspects of the world and has a tendency to seek novelty.
Finally completed the following list but it's an ongoing project that still needs research and also needs explaining on how I came up with this. I assume each perception must have a use. To each their own I guess. Lastly, I understand that I may be completely way off on these things.
Just a theory! Sensor heightened to noticeable perceptions: ESFP/ENTJ (SeFi) - Physical recovery - Healing ability (Bouncebackability) ESTP/ENJF (SeTi) - Equilibrioception ISFJ/INTP (SiFe) - Coverage to connect - in contrast to ESFJ FeSi approach ISTJ/INFP (SiTe) - Catabolic state ESFP/ISFP (SeTe) - Method of loci - Mental mapping ESTP/ISTP (SeFe) - Hyperawareness - Close proximity internalization ISTJ/ESTJ (SiFi) - Enhanced Memory ISFJ/ESFJ (SiTi) - Photographic Memory and nociception - sensitivity to internal pain - hence becoming physical distress empaths ESFJ/ENTP (FeSi) - Extend to gather ESTJ/ENFP (TeSi) - Anabolic state ISFP/INTJ (FiSe) - Memory recall - adrenaline based perception ISTP/INFJ (TiSe) - Kinesthesia - Blind sight ENTJ/INTJ (TeSe) - Presence ENFJ/INFJ (FeSe) - Voicing INFP/ENFP (FiSi) - Comprehension INTP/ENTP (TiSi) - Proprioception - Motor control - Good fit to be a chiropractor
Just a theory! Intuitive heightened to noticeable perceptions: ENFP/ESTJ (NeFi) - Imparting ENTP/ESFJ (NeTi) - Relaying INFJ/ISTP (NiFe) - Meditative perception - in contrast to ENFJ approach INTJ/ISFP (NiTe) - Application ENFP/INFP (NeTe) - Abstractionism ENTP/INTP (NeFe) - Expressionism INTJ/ENTJ (NiFi) - Mind reading (Not the exaggerated superpower) INFJ/ENFJ (NiTi) - Hearing the silence - Inner strength reading ENFJ/ESTP (FeNi) - Mindfulness perception ENTJ/ESFP (TeNi) - Energize INFP/ISTJ (FiNe) - Convey memory INTP/ISFJ (TiNe) - Creative solutions ESTJ/ISTJ (TeNe) - Seeing Multiple Categories ESFJ/ISFJ (FeNe) - Physical examination ISFP/ESFP (FiNi) - Decompression ISTP/ESTP (TiNi) - Chronoception - sense of time
Again, the perceived introverted and extraverted nature of people is only apparent in accordance with the use of their preferred functions. Everyone perceives and everyone is a judge.
MBTI to Perception Priority Type: ISFP - OSVG ISTP - ASVP INFP - OSTG INTP - ASTP ESFP - SOGV ESTP - SAPV ENFP - SOGT ENTP - SAPT ISFJ - TPAS ISTJ - TGOS INFJ - VPAS INTJ - VGOS ESFJ - PTSA ESTJ - GTSO ENFJ - PVSA ENTJ - GVSO
Addendum: Here's how I think Fi to Ti difference and similarity manifest. To the nose, either an object being smelled is producing the scent or the person smelling is reacting to the object.
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? To the ears, one is heard, either the tree or the question.

I'm done with all the exams finally !!! A lot of the posts on this subreddit helped me towards achieving this goal. So I'm adding mine in case it helps someone in the future.
My Background
I took and passed my FE Exam in my final semester of college last year. I started my master's in January 2024, right after I graduated in December 2023. My graduate school research is in Thermal Hydraulics and I liked those classes most so I registered for the now-decoupled PE Mechanical: Thermal and Fluid Systems on April 23rd, 2024. That semester I enrolled in graduate-level Heat Transfer and Fluid Mechanics, thinking it would help with studying (it helped very little to none).
Study Material - I only used PPI's Self-Study Bundle
I bought PPI's Self Study Bundle (3 Months Access: Jan 20th - April 20th, 2023) which cost $665.88
The Bundle included:

• Mechanical Engineering Reference Manual (Physical Book)
• Official NCEES Practice PE Exam (Physical Book)
• Learning Hub Access for 3 Months
  • 2 Additional Practice Exams
  • Quiz bank (with about 800 questions)
  • Auto-generated study schedule (which can be customized)

I followed the schedule generated for me on the learning up. I had customized the schedule to have weekends off. The schedule provided much-needed STRUCTURE, which was a really big selling point for me on PPI. It organized scheduling for taking diagnostic tests, reading chapters, practicing problems from the chapter, and taking full-length practice exams. After I completed my schedule I spent the remaining before my exam (about 1 week) time taking 10-15 questions practice exams.
My Study Progress
To be honest, I did not realize how little of actual engineering my undergraduate degree prepared me for. I knew I was lacking knowledge but I did not realize it was that much. Reading through the Mechanical Engineering Reference Manual helped to make up for my lack of knowledge. It probably even made me a better engineer. Below I tracked all the major testing milestones of my study timeline and share some thoughts on each stage.
Study Start: January 23rd, 2024
Opening Diagnostic Test - 70% (January 24th, 2024)
This was the first agenda on the schedule and it deceived me into thinking I was more ready than I actually was for the exam. Turned out that the first diagnostic test only covered basic fluid Mechanics, Heat Transfer, and mass balance principles mainly things learned during undergraduate studies. (In other words the easiest problems on PE exam).
Second Diagnostic Test - 40%: (February 26th, 2024)
After reading all the fluid Mechanics, heat Transfer, and mass balance principles sections, the schedule calls for a second diagnostic test. This was focused on everything else in the exam. I had to guess a lot of problems as I did not know how to solve them. This was hard and showed me just how much I did not know.
First full 8hr Practice Exam (Non-NCEES) - 55%: (March 20th, 2024)
At this point, I had read about half of the book and my generated schedule had called for the exam to be taken at this point. It was a full-length test with the designated 50-minute break. I treated it as such It was very hard, I guessed a huge chunk of problems: some from running out of time but most from just not knowing how to solve the problem. I struggled more second section (breadth section) compared to the principles section. Also, I did not realize just how exhausting an 8-hour exam was. I remember cycling between giving up and having little confidence throughout the exam. Because of my frustrations of not knowing things on the exam, I did not follow my test-taking strategy as well as I would have liked. I would spend way too long trying to figure out a problem simply because I had not been able to solve the last 5. In the end, I reviewed what I missed and learned from the overall test-taking experience. Much work was still needed.
Second full 8hr Practice Exam (Non-NCEES): 65%: (April 8th, 2024)
At this point, I had read about 85% of the book's content and my generated schedule had called for the second exam to be taken at this point. I felt I knew more than the first time. Plus I followed my strategy a lot better as I didn't panic and tried to maintain confidence. But there were still gaps. I did not finish and had to guess a few questions. I guessed way less than I did in the first exam. However, once I finished the exam I knew more work was required. Nonetheless, I was happy with my progress.
Official NCEES Practice Exam (NCEES): 73.75% (April 15th, 2024)
This was the last item on my generated schedule. At this point, I had read the textbook and completed and reviewed both prior practice exams. Like the first 2, I treated it like an actual exam: 8hr and a 50-minute break between. The exam felt relatively good as I took it. Most questions were straightforward others were tough but I was able to finish with time to spare. I also guess very minimally so I was pleased. The practice exam felt way easier than the PPI practice exam questions. The problems took less time to solve, generally had fewer steps, and had more qualitative questions. I had kind of expected this as several Reddit posts had said the PPI exams are harder than actual problems. While reviewing I learned that some exam questions are written with very long descriptions and tons of extra information but are actually very easy to solve. It seems the long description and extra information were a way to throw you off as you think there is "no way this long question is solved with such few steps". This highlighted to me the importance of reading the question and not just the numbers or diagram. If the diagram is super complicated, chances are the problem is short. Overall, I felt ready to take the exam but I was too close to barely passing (70-75%) to be super confident. So I knew I still needed to practice more.
Quiz Bank - 10-16 question quizzes: 83% avg score for last 7 quizzes (April 16th - April 20th)
For the remaining time, I kept practicing problems to ensure I stayed current on different areas of the exam. At this point I had gotten pretty used to the PPI style of questions so I was doing a lot better. I ended up using 152/796 questions from the quiz bank and had an average time of 5 minutes and 20 seconds per problem. I did this until my subscription expired on April 20th, 2023. It was tiring to just solve problems but I just kept pushing through as several Reddit posts had said you can never study too much. I wanted to go into the exam thinking I gave it all I got.
Official NCEES Practice Exam Redo (NCEES): 94% (April 21st - 22nd)
Since I had lost access to the Quiz bank, I decided to redo the practice exam but not in a testing environment but in 10-15 question short blocks. This was very useful as a week had gone by and I had forgotten the correct answers so it was a way to ensure I learned from my mistakes. I learned from most mistakes but made a couple of blunders and had forgotten some things. I felt ready and prepared myself for my big day tomorrow. (April 23rd, 2024 - Test Day).
Test Day - April 23rd, 2024
I woke up that morning from a good night's rest and prayed with my family. I had waffles and eggs for breakfast. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary and tried to remain confident. Luckily for me, my testing center was only 10 minutes away from where I stayed. I got there 30 minutes before my test time - 8:00 AM. However, due to a long line of people checking in for their exams, I didn't begin my exam until like 8:07 AM. My strategy was to use 3:45 minutes (stop countdown timer at 4:15) for the first half and 4:15 minutes for the second half. My question strategy was I would first solve very easy problems on the first run, flag problems I was sure I could solve but were long, and leave everything else unflagged and unanswered. On the second run, I would solve flagged problems and on the third run, I would solve everything else.
First half - I did the first run and solved about 10-15 problems. I ended up with like 10 unflagged and unanswered questions I was not fully sure I could solve. And started on the second run and was struggling to answer. I think I went on a run of 3 consecutive questions that I thought were solvable but I couldn't get an answer. These questions felt a lot more similar to PPI questions than the NCEES practice exam which made me panic. I was banking on the questions being easier than the PPI not the same. I was struggling through the flagged questions but I tried my best not to panic by simply smiling through it. So I just ditched the whole strategy and decided to just move to the next unanswered problem irrespective of whether I had flagged it or not. This was an incredible idea. Turns out a lot of the questions I had left for my third run (unflagged and unanswered) were a lot easier than I thought. This gave me the confidence to go back and tackle some of the flagged questions I had left. However, I had used up way too much time and ended up having to guess 7-9 problems to meet my designated first half-stop time.
Break - I drove to Chick-fil-A for the break and tried to not think too much about the exam. I knew the next section was very important because of my shortcomings in the first. The only problem was in all of the 3 practice tests I took I always did much better in the first section compared to the second. I decided to change my strategy for the second and third runs. For the second run, I planned to flag long questions I could solve and also questions I had a general idea about the topic and could maybe solve. The goal would be to have fewer than 5 questions in the third run and these would only be problems I had no clue.
Second Half - The strategy worked better and I had significantly less 3rd run questions. The second half felt a lot better than the first one. I was consistently getting answers in the choices and the questions felt more similar to the NCEES practice exam. I finished this section with 30 minutes to spare which sucked because I couldn't go back to the first section. I used up all the time to just review and ensure I maximized my score in this section. I had to make a few corrections. I still had to guess about 3 questions but these guesses were a lot more educated than the first section. I was done and exhausted.
I felt meh...it could go either way (pass or fail) but I felt a little more confident towards a pass since a passing score is typically around 70%. My main real confidence booster was I felt the same way after my FE Exam.
The Wait
The one thing that sucks about taking it while still in school is that school just resumes. I had heat transfer and fluid mechanics homework and finals that week and the following week. So I guess they helped get my mind off it.
Result Day and Advice
I got the famous email saying the results were out, logged in was filled with joy to see the green passed. I felt relieved and happy to be done. Here is some key advice I have for you: some from friends, some from online, and some from my experience-

1. Study, study, study! Do as many practice problems as you can before taking the NCEES official practice exam.
   1. By practicing a lot you will realize you will naturally commit to memory certain conversions and formulas. These were some for me:
      • Gallons x 0.134 = ft^3 (used a lot in the exam)
      • Bernoulli equation (useful for pipe flows, pumps, head loss questions, and more)
      • Pump power (there are so many pump power problems)
      • Reynolds's Number
      • First Law Thermodynamics and conservation of mass
      • Pv=RT
      • Thermal resistance - conduction through plane wall & convection and heat exchanger rate of heat transfer.
      • Dealing with British units, primarily using the gravitational constant (32.2)
   2. Also, practice for qualitative questions. This requires knowing some theory so find ways to practice those. I just did all of the available qualitative questions PPI had (about 50).
   3. Be thorough - take studying and reviewing problems seriously. Don't think you got it after reviewing it. Ensure you got it. This may entail solving it again which gets tiring but that repetition will ensure it sticks. You should learn something new every time you review a problem you got wrong or guessed right.
2. Have some sort of schedule and stick to it. I struggle with schedule so I used PPIs but you absolutely need one.
3. Have an exam strategy, and never spend too much time on one problem.
4. Take things on Reddit even my experience with a grain of salt. I got caught up in too many Reddit forums and believed that PPI questions were harder than the actual exam which made me relaxed when I saw a question that was super long or hard while preparing using PPI. This hurt in the first half as a lot of the questions were pretty similar and I guess the brain muscle memory from solving problems saved me.
5. Know you can retake it if you have to. Don't stress out if you leave feeling not super confident. You can always take it next year.
6. Follow all the advice in the below link. His story is a great read for folks who may have been out of school for a while unlike myself. I used his advice and experience a lot. Probably the Reddit post I referred back to the most.

PASSED PE Machine Design & Materials - First attempt : PE_Exam (reddit.com)
Congrats you made it this far! Thank you for reading, I hope this helps. I hope everyone passes. The joy of being done is absolutely worth it so stay dedicated and good luck. Also sorry for any grammatical errors, I only proofread once.