Hello, I'm 19 years old currently studying Foundation in Science and Technology. I'm currently under a bumiputera scholarship (you already know what it is) and I am set to either pick two majors which is either Computer Science related, or Engineering related (excluding Biomedical). I am also going to study my chosen major in Korea, in Korean. Not in English, in Korean. So yeah, I'm currently studying the language and expected to master it in 1 year. Although it's hard but I'm managing so far.
When I was in high school I had resolved to do two things.
- Study abroad and get out of Malaysia.
- Avoid Physics because not only did I disliked the subject but I hated my teacher. So I guess that inadvertently made me hate the subject lol.
And this is where my dilemma comes hitting.
- Korea
To be quite honest, I did not know what had prompted me to pick Korea as my choice of country to study in but throughout my semester I had been asking around seniors who are currently studying in Korea as well as hearing experiences from lecturers, and it does not paint a pretty picture for me. Among the reasons for that was rampant xenophobia and looking down on Southeast Asians which is also becoming a main topic these days ever since that white woman on TikTok shared her Malaysian's friend experience. I heard my lecturer, in our first class saying "Korang tak payah lah belajar kat Korea, orang Korea ni sombong lah." which just left a bad taste in my mouth. By the way, he studied in Korea University which is top 3 university in Korea and in the SKY league. This, combined with negative stances from some Korean people such as the Thailand airport issue, a tanned skin idol being called "a mango seller in Philippines", as well as bad experiences from students on YouTube is making me fall out of interest. I do believe not all Korean are like this and I would eitherway have the possibility to experience racism and xenophobia in any country I go to, but in my opinion there's a difference between Korea and other countries such as Malaysia, US, UK, Australia and Canada. Korea, relatively is a country that is Korean-centric and other minorities make up a small percentage of their population. They do not have a blend of races and I believe, in addition to their history and belief, leads to the people having mostly conservative and herd-like views. Yes there's racism in both countries, but to me Korea's xenophobia is much scarier lol.
Another reason is academic stress. I kid you not, the shit I've heard regarding the academic pressure in Korea is crazy. Almost all of the exams in universities are graded on the bell curve and there is a set percentage of who will get an A in an exam. Let's say you are in a class of 120 people, and you scored a 90 in an exam. But, there are 12 more people who have gotten 91 and above than you and the set percentage is 10%. You are not getting an A, you are getting a B instead so this system really pushes you to fight tooth and nail in an exam which we have to since the baseline is 3.5 GPA. I've heard seniors gotten 4.0 GPA in Malaysia, went to Korea and dropped to a 2.5 GPA. We are only required to study in top 10 universities, and we have to compete against Koreans who have a different educational system and focus than Malaysia.
- Academic dilemma
I said earlier that I wanted to avoid Physics and during High School I actually liked learning Biology. Well, future me has done a shit decision and picked a foundation that EXCLUDES Biology and INCLUDE Physics as well as Calculus! Wow, way to go me. Initially, I had the idea of doing Computer Science as my degree because compared to other majors, Computer Science has been gaining a lot of traction due to high employability and salary outcome. I figured, why not and had been following this route whilst being blithely unaware that passion plays an important role for me. After a semester of being there and studying Programming, Calculus, and Introduction to PC and Hardware I realise that I hated PC and Hardware, did not fully dislike Programming, and actually liked Calculus. Now, in my second semester and ongoing, with the addition of Physics and Information Systems, holy smokes I despise both of those subjects. Also! I currently miss studying Biology and enzymes as well as period cycle (that's the best chapter in Form 4 Bio). With all of these realisations I realise one more thing, I'm fucked. I had talked about this with my program counselor and she said that since I have an interest in Biology, maybe I could do something in Nanotechnology/Chemical Engineering. Which I had looked further upon and it does sound interesting but realising that any Engineering branch is still Engineering and I have to face hardcore Physics and Calculus, I still think that I'm fucked. So yeah, I genuinely do not know what to do anymore and I am inclining towards redoing my Foundation for another year.
When thinking of solutions and researching possible paths, one thing that blocks me is scholarship. I come from a middle income family where my dad is the main income source, relying mostly on online trading as well as a job he just earned last week after few years of unemployment while my mom earns modestly. My brothers and sister each has acquired a scholarship so as to avoid financial burden and I also did the same. If I were to, let's say ask my sponsor to change my designated country (which I haven't), I can already predict their response which is they'd try to persuade me to continue to study in Korea OR study locally. In terms of the local route, I'm not fully against it and I could choose a university that has twinning programs or exchange programs available, but it's certainly not ideal. Another one is that I could try to get another scholarship. Which was what I was thinking but after having a conversation with my father he said one peribahasa that struck me. "Yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran." If I were to hunt for another scholarship, I would have to leave my current scholarship because most scholarships set their requirement for the scholars to not have any scholarship when applying. Plus, I would have to get excellent results (for sem 1 I got a 4.0 thank god), do some extra stuff and go through the process again. But what if I didn't get any of the scholarships I hunted for? Now, I'm left with no scholarship left because I had exited out of my previous one and now I have to apply for PTPTN and use pinjaman PTPTN and my parent's money to supply me through a local university.
I know a lot of people would kill to be in my position and I really do feel like I'm being ungrateful but these worries has been at the top of my head for sooo long. So yeah, that pretty much concludes my dilemma. Feel free to give me any advice or whatever you think about my story, I'm open to anything.