My favorite friends essays

So this has been the year from hell for me, and closing out my year teaching a semester long class I wasn't remotely prepared for was the cherry on top.
Every May, I give all my kids an exit ticket, with the intention of getting solid feedback on their year. What was the most challenging, what are they most proud of, where do they feel they've grown? Same stuff that would be in a reflection essay, just in smaller bites.
I told the kids that they wouldn't need to sign them—just hand em to me and I'll give you 25 points.
This is one that choked me up. The final question was “Anything else you'd like me to know?”
“Mr. Late, I heard awful stories about how hard your class was. And when I walked in your room, I expected the worst. I kept wating for the ‘awful person’ to show up…but you never did. I guess a lot of my friends confuse ‘mean’ with ‘expectations’… because the toughest thing you did was push us. You've made me a better writer… even with things I couldn't care less about. You're a dope teacher that I will always hold in high regard, and have an adamant love for. I'm glad I chose to spend my last year in your classes. Thank you.”
FFS. l legit cried. Maybe I'm just a soft touch at the end of this dumpster fire year.
So what about you? What's the best compliment a student has given you this year?

Hello! 🥰 I am a 20 year old Christian college student. I am from Georgia but now live in Tennessee for school. I am searching for friends because I truly want to meet people online as well as here in Tennessee that I may be able to spend time with and grow a beautiful friendship with. I am searching for male and female friends.
So about me: I am an amateur romance writer in my spare time. I love to read and write while I am not studying for college. I absolutely love to cook more than anything else and I love watch Disney movies together on a movie night with our favorite home cooked foods or fast food. I love going on nature walks, camping, horseback riding and exploring new restaurants. I love having sleepovers especially, this truly makes my heart happy.
I am extremely and I mean extremely obsessed with Ariel the little mermaid! I am addicted to her! And this is probably going to be the most biggest fact about me.
I love being able to spend time with friends whether we simply go grab dinner or we walk around our favorite shopping stores.
I haven’t really been able to make friends here in Tennessee yet and I would absolutely love to!
I also want to have friends that I can be there for in their time of need more than anything else because we all need a listening ear and someone in our life who cares and shows us love.
Whether you’re online or in Tennessee, I would love to be friends online or meet in real life.

Mercenaries of Gridaris, my debut board game, launched last week! It's a quick, strategic, card-based, space capturing board game where 2-5 friends battle each other to control Gridaris! I would love for you all to check out the page, I think there will be a laugh or two in store for you!
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/gridaris/mercenaries-of-gridaris
Embrace the whimsy of Gridaris with over 40 original characters. Battle your friends in quick games that are never the same as the one before, and fight to control the land of Gridaris!
This passion project is inspired by all of my favorite media. Crafted with love and passion, and drawn by me, this game brings together the best elements of strategy, fantasy, and comedy into this quick, space capturing board game. I hope you enjoy!

• Modular Board and Rules!

Watch as specific in-game scenarios change the battle for Gridaris with a modular board and rules that offer over 60 different ways to play. Each game presents a unique layout of battlefields, boons, and ailments ensuring endless replayability and excitement!

• Dynamic Gameplay!

Command an army of ridiculous mercenaries hand drawn by me as you vie for control over strategic locations. With customizable rules that cater to your playstyle, every game offers a fresh and exciting challenge!

• All Mechanics and Artwork done by Sam Hammer!

Marvel at the goofy artwork of Gridaris, meticulously hand-drawn by yours truly, Sam Hammer. From majestic landscapes to whimsical characters, every detail has been lovingly crafted to transport you to a world of a fantasy/comedy book I half wrote during the pandemic! This will also be produced by Panda, who have made games like Wingspan and Scythe!
Join the Kickstarter Campaign Today and watch the hilarious trailer my comedian friends and I made together!

• https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/gridaris/mercenaries-of-gridaris

Follow the HammerCraft Studios Instagram to get behind the scenes content and updates!

• (u/Hammercraftstudios)

Thank you for your support, and may the stars guide you to victory in the battle for Gridaris!!
https://preview.redd.it/gco3ii0ctf0d1.jpg?width=5466&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96139fba4cf438fda2e5cee25cf4ea6b1c3a6416

Hiya! im genderfluid AMAB and trans from the US . Im looking for long term friends who I can chill and hang out with and hopefully get to know. I'm, extremely chill but boring and not good at social interaction, so yeah. I just want someone to talk to everyday without being ghosted.
Music: My favorite kinds of music are J-Pop,Experimental Rap, House n Disco,Techno,Trance,Synthwave,Future funk, and J-rock I dream to eventually create my own style of music. Fashion and Aesthetics: Cyberpunk and Outrun, im a fan of futuristic and neon Aesthetics. I also like Grunge, Lo-FI, and NeoTokyo. A big fan of electric skateboards,motorcycles, and scooters and would very much like to own those.
The games I currently have are, Fortnite, ,Warframe, Monster Hunter World/ Monster Hunter Rise,The Elder scrolls 5 Skyrim,Black Desert Online,Portal 2 ,Minecraft,Terraria,Sims 4, GTA 5, and Rhythm games. I'm also thinking about buying all the persona games next. I want to start an elite gaming clan in the future.
I'm a huge fan of touhou, I'm also interested in animation and game design. I want to get into digital art too, and i really could use tips. As well as tips for storywriting and character design.
I'm honestly starting to believe most people on here are just bored looking for short-term chatter to pass the time instead of meaningful bonds im not looking for that ^{w^} so please only message if you're serious.

Hi Morgan, Longtime listener, first time writing in. My best friend and I are having trouble figuring out the right thing to do in this situation and wanted to get an outside perspective. Buckle up because this is a LONG one because theres a lot of backstory that’s necessary.
Would we be the assholes if we didn’t attend our childhood best friends wedding?
There is a lot of context in this storyline so I’ll try to give a lot of detail. We start in January of 2023, my best friend, Greta(26F) and I(26F) get in contact with one of our childhood best friends, Laura (26F), and plan a visit to catch up on the past 10ish years that we’ve been apart. Laura moved away from our hometown when we were 15. Now Greta and I live about 2 hours from where Laura moved to when we were young, so we reached out and invited her and her fiancé Logan(26M) up to stay with us and hang out.
They come visit, we have such a great time, her fiancé was pretty quiet and distant the whole time, but the 3 of us together were big talkers so I just chalked it up to him not being able to get a word in and they left. In March they came back to visit again and announced to us that they were moving a few states away. We were really sad, but happy for them since they were getting to move somewhere that they’d wanted to be for a while. They were going to elope together after a few months but Logan had a university study abroad for a month in Japan so they were going to wait until after.
So, he leaves for Japan in May, and while he is away a girl reaches out to Laura from the college that Logan attends. This girl tells Laura that her friend had been getting really close with Logan, uncomfortably so and she wanted to give Laura a heads up that she thought they were romantically involved. Greta and I were worried but Laura brushed it off and said it was probably nothing, so Greta and I dropped it because we didn’t feel close enough to Laura to tell her we felt like she should look into it more.
Flash forward 2 weeks into Logan’s study abroad, he calls Laura at 5AM to let her know that he doesn’t think he wants to get married anymore. She’s distraught but has to go into work that morning and calls us after to let us know. We support her, you know he fucking sucks for doing that not only over the phone but right before she went into work, real shady. Greta and I are very worried about Laura because Laura really wants to make it work, but we still don’t say anything because we just want to be there for her.
He gets back and agrees to go to couples counseling, they do couples counseling for 2 weeks, during this time he repairs her car. Replaces a tire, breaks, oil change, the works, he’s been working with cars for a long time, so this was no biggie. Well after that two weeks, Laura comes home to all of Logan’s stuff packed and he tells her it’s over and he’s moving back home. He leaves. She’s devastated. We comfort her, come up and visit her, and tell her that she doesn’t need him and she slowly starts getting over him. Meanwhile she gives us A TON of context about her relationship with Logan. She paid for his college, he has had no job for the past 2 years while getting his degree, so she had been financially supporting them both. She paid for his trip to Japan, he put her in 20K of credit card debt, and more in personal loans, etc. Then in couples therapy told her he wasn’t attracted to her because she made money and he didn’t (so weird).
So immediately Greta and I are like, “Girl, we had a bad feeling, we wanted to tell you but didn’t want to upset you, we’re just glad you’re finally out of that mess”. She tells us that next time we should come to her and be honest with her, we apologize and agree. Then one day Laura calls us to tell us that she almost got into a really bad car accident. She lives in a mountainous area and her breaks went out on her when she was driving on the interstate on a hill, she managed to pull of into a grass median and slow the car down.
She gets the car towed to a mechanic that night and heads to work the next morning. Mechanic calls her midday. He asks he who worked on her car last, she said “My ex” and he said “Is he still in your life?” she said no. And he said “Good, Because I’ve never seen anything like this in my 20 years as a mechanic.” Her brake fluid hadn’t been connected so all the break fluid drained out. Her brake pads weren’t fastened/screwed in to the wheels, the were just placed in there. And he back tire bolts were stripped so hard that he said he tire probably would’ve come off had she kept driving.
Later that week, Logan asks to talk to her, she agrees only to get closure on the situation. Well he calls and begs her to get back together, she says no absolutely not. Then he asks” How’s the car?” She said, “Well I almost died last week”, he immediately jumped to the defensive “Well, that had nothing to do with me, I didn’t do anything” a very guilty response, so we were all convinced he tried to kill her. She filed a police report on him and started moving on. This is in July.
Now we move into part two of this debacle. My partner and I go up to visit her in September and she’s doing well on her own, she’s having fun, dating around, putting herself first, in therapy, just doing really well, were happy for her. She hasn’t really made any friends which is making her lonely but we were telling her to get involved in clubs and meet people, etc.
We leave our trip which was really fun and head back home. 2 weeks later, Laura says she’s met this really great guy, its almost October at this point, she’s gone on multiple dates with him and really likes him, were happy for her, still a bit concerned, but if she’s happy we’re happy. So Laura, Greta, and I plan a girls trip to come up and visit Laura for a long weekend. Laura wants us to vet this new guy, make sure he’s a good dude. She tells us she really values our input and so Greta and I are so excited to go on this trip with an open mind. November rolls around, one month before our trip and Laura announces that the new guy, we’ll call him Will (29M) has moved in with her, bringing his dog with him. Greta and I are a bit shocked but we didn’t say anything bc we’ve both done stuff like that before and Laura was struggling to keep up with rent on her own (she was still in the house that her ex fiancé left her in) so we knew she could use a roommate.
December is finally here and Greta and I hop on a plane and Will and Laura pick us up from the airport, first impression in the car was fine, he seemed nice, he drove us back to their place and we walk into the house. I come face to face with a completely different living room than I saw in September, all of Laura’s art and stuff are moved out of the living room replaced with the following: a giant poster of Elon Musk smoking a joint, a poster model of a rocket, a poster of Jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun. And a bookshelf full of Will’s books and Lego sets on display. Alarm bells are going off in my head and Greta’s at this point. We have a little conversation and because it’s late, we go to bed. We sleep in a room that outside of the house in the backyard, it has full heating so its basically just like a bedroom with a deadbolt. I double lock the dead bolts and we go to bed.
At 3am I’m woken up by Greta shaking me in a panic, asking me if I remembered to double deadbolt the door, I told her I did and that were okay and we both went back to sleep. When we woke up the next day, and she told me she had a weird feeling that he was gonna come in our room in the night. I agreed, and told her that was why I double dead bolted the door.
We go through our girls trip which ended up not being a girls trip at all, Will was by our side the entire time. Laura and he talked about looking at ENGAGEMENT RINGS, they bought a ring sizer, she was picking out her faves. He never let us have girl time except for one hour trip we took downtown to window shop. He would come sit in Greta and my room when we were talking with Laura, he would watch movies with us, he went everywhere with us. Not only that but in the middle of conversations, he would pull out his guitar and just start playing in the middle of us talking, or when we sat down to watch a movie. There is one bathroom in the house, and the main house part is very small about 650 square feet, my friend Greta has bathroom anxiety, she doesn’t like to poop in public places so she asked Laura and I if we would grab Will and the dog, and just go for a quick walk around the block while she used the bathroom. It was no biggie, so we got ready and went on a walk, we got 20 feet out the door and Will starts griping about how he doesn’t want to be outside and that Greta is a selfish pooper, and continues to complain the entire time were outside. We don’t even go for a walk, we stop at the corner of the street and just stand there because he doesn’t want to go any further.
At this point I’m annoyed with this guy, he just seems really controlling. To add to it, he didn’t want to go for a hike in the mountains, so Laura didn’t want to go so we ended up spending the entire weekend inside their house basically, even though we were in a beautiful area, and hiking is a group favorite, because he didn’t want to go. We didn’t. Also this is a personal anger of mine but I bought a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts (they were $18, which is crazy) and he ate EIGHT OF THEM. it pissed me off so bad, I had to hide the box that night just so I had 1 donut left over in the morning. Anyway onto the big finale.
Our last night there we finished up watching a movie and the events that unfold all happen within 3 minutes, keep that in mind. Laura had taken an edible so she was pretty out of it, like laying on top of the dog, whispering, just all around sounding really tired. Will says hes gonna take her to bed and Greta and I say were gonna get ready for bed in the bathroom. Bedroom and bathroom are five steps fro each other. I brush my teeth and use the bathroom while Greta is brushing hers and then I walk out of the bathroom and tell Greta that I’m grabbing my stuff to head over to our outside bedroom. I grab my bag from the kitchen counter, which is right next to their bedroom door. The bedroom door is open so I say goodnight to both of them and tell Greta I’ll see her in a sec, she’s just finishing up. Maybe 45 seconds pass and I’m waiting in our bedroom when I get 3 texts from Greta “OH MY GOD” “HELP” “HOLY SHIT”, Greta comes running out of the house, slamming the back door, and I run up to her.
She tells me that they were loudly having sex in their bedroom with the door open, mind you the bathroom is 5 steps from the bedroom. the kitchen counter is right next to the bedroom and Greta had to walk over to it to grab her stuff.
We are freaked the fuck out at this point not only was it super disrespectful but Greta was super affected by it, which who wouldn’t be it was disturbing. Because mere moments before Laura went to bed she was so high. And I smoke regularly so I know what it looks like when someone is super high and I hadn’t gotten that high in a long time. She was very out of it. So this really bothered us both.
The next day, were ready to go home, we get to the airport where they drop us off and once the two of us are in the airport we both look at each other and both just say “that was horrible”, we both felt like the entire trip we had a bad feeling about him and didn’t want to ruin the vibes of the trip so we just didn’t say anything about it. So were sitting in the terminal writing down a list of all the red flags, all the instances where he gave us a bad feeling. And overall just as a person he gave us a really bad feeling. Just gross, nasty, icky feeling. Not sure how to describe it well but I just knew something was off and Greta said she felt the same.
Laura had asked us to give our opinion on what we thought of him so we drafted up a letter to her, with key moments and points that we felt were big signs that he may not be a good guy. It includes everything we went over in this story, I didn’t want to supply to much of our opinion on the situation but I know that my bias comes out in this story a bit.
We wrote to her, and she responded to us with basically “I appreciate your concern, I will take your opinions into consideration” Its worth it to note that they were talking about getting engaged in March of 2024 (It is Early December 2023 at this point) and in our letter we told her that she should give their relationship more time, and get to know him better before they get engaged.
Our relationship with her after that became very one sided, Greta and I tried our best to keep messaging her but she really never responded so we kind of gave up. End of January we get a text from her, a picture of her and him she has an engagement ring on, “We’re engaged!” Greta and I respond with a Congrats! and a heart emoji, we’re super concerned but we have genuinely said all we can in that letter a little over a month before, so It didn’t feel right to say it again.
March she posts her “I said yes to the dress post” with Wills mom and his two sisters. She still doesn’t have any friends up where she lives so it makes sense for her to bring his family along. She didn’t message us about it, which is fair because we hadn’t been talking. We just thought they were getting eloped, because Greta has always said she wanted something small since she isn’t super close with her family (they’re not great).
So we left it there until last week I received an invitation in the mail to their wedding. Its this September on a Monday night.
Greta and I would have to pay around $500 each in order to even go to the wedding, calculating in airfare, shared rental car, shared hotel room, and that doesn’t even include, food, gas, wedding gift, etc. The two of us are not well of financially, we both live paycheck to paycheck so it would be really hard for us to go in general not to mention that the wedding is on a Monday night, so I have to take off extra days of work that I really don’t have. Same with my best friend, were in the same industry so wen have the same days off and all of that.
And I know it took us a while to get here but would we be the assholes if we decided not to attend her wedding?
TLDR: Best friend’s ex fiance tries to kill her in past relationship, she moves on two months later, her new partner moves in with her 3 weeks after dating. We go visit her and meet him, he’s go a lot of red flags, we tell our best friend, she distances herself and gets engaged weeks later. Invites us to her wedding in September that is also on a Monday. AWTA?

I have such mixed feelings for Season 4 Episode 20 “Free Fall.” It’s one of my favorite episodes in the entire series but also one of the most aggravating.
The way Hanna, Emily, and Aria confront Spencer on her drug addiction is like a go-to guide on what NOT to do or say when you are having a conversation with someone who is under the influence. The language used, unnecessary yelling, argumentative tones used and demonization of her character is just evil.
I know it’s more complicated given the whole Ezra is “A” thing and they have been trying to break it to Aria for forever and it’s super unfortunate that all that is overlapping but goodness gracious they really aren’t thinking.
Spencer admitted that she had been taking a couple pills, losing sleep, slept walk to school. I was shocked on my first watch that she admitted to that and was super glad she did. She was honest. She didn’t hold back in that regard. Her responding with “but it isn’t that bad.” Is what her friends should’ve focused on (in a gentle and empathetic way). The damn prescription pads with wren’s name on them falls out of her bag and instead of thinking “it could absolutely be possible that A planted this” they immediately think she’s lying when she’s been honest during the entire conversation.
Then to put the cherry on top the next fucking scene is Hanna and Emily talking in the kitchen alone about how it’s still viable that Ezra could be A. LIKE YALL DIDNT WANNA MENTION THAT DURING THE CONVERSATION WHEN SPENCER BROUGHT IT UP??? They lied and kept it from Aria AGAIN. Leaving Spencer looking psychotic.
It makes me tip tip tip on hardwood floors HEATED!

making bracelets for me and my friends and everyone is picking different favorite color combos. which one would you say is the closest to the bi flag shades? blue is the same in all the pictures, and there are two purples and two pinks

Hello everyone. I hope it is alright that I post here as a parent. I often read and lurk here in an effort to try and learn more about my daughter and how she may be feeling, however I try not to post or comment to respect your space.
My daughter (6) is level 3. She is minimally verbal (kind of like the level of a young toddler, though making great progress every day), uses an AAC (mostly for requests), not potty trained at the moment. She’s a big sensory seeker (proprioceptive and vestibular), and can have some pretty explosive meltdowns when she’s not well regulated and/or upset and frustrated. She’s very silly and active and smart, loves to be outside and play with us and her grandparents and her dog and family friends. She’s the sweetest kid ever.
About 3-4 weeks ago, she refused a new diaper after being changed. This happens sometimes when she’s agitated so we didn’t force the issue and said no worries, just let us know when you’re ready. She continued to refuse her diaper for the remainder of the day, and has not worn once since. Problem being—she was/is not potty trained or really developmentally ready for it (I think her interception is not quite ready).
We offered her undies, have been having her sit on the potty a ton (which she has grown comfortable with since we bought her a special seat and let her watch the iPad while she’s on it). I also put some of her favorite sensory items in the bathroom too. She will go sometimes, but only pee and only like once a day.
Anyway—since that day, she refused diapers or underwear, any and all clothing (normally we don’t make her wear clothes at home, only outside of the house), or to even leave the house in the car. So we we’ve pretty much all been trapped inside, and unable to go anywhere, since she’s fully naked and mostly peeing/pooping around the house while we clean up after her and try to encourage her to use the potty as much as she reasonably can without making her anxious.
So she’s missed like 3 weeks of kindergarten (which she always seemed to love and enjoy and was doing really well), and speech therapy (which she also loved because they had a big play gym). Luckily her OT already came to the house so she still comes to play.
We’ve been working nonstop to try and make sure her sensory needs are being met. We made sure she wasn’t sick and didn’t have an infection. We tried other fits and brands of diapers, undies with her favorite colors and characters and different fabrics, and every form of bribery on the planet. She loves milkshakes, cake pops, the beach, target, visiting her grandparents, the trampoline park, aquarium, zoo, etc. And despite offering all of these things if she will leave the house in clothes, she will not budge.
The only thing that has helped so far is that I bought zip up dresses that are normally swim covers, and she is okay wearing those to play in the yard or go on walks (but still no diaper or undies). I think the clothes over her head and ankles were agitating her. I bought like 8 of these covers and keep one in the car, on hooks by the doors, etc so we are ready whenever she wants to go out.
We started seeing a pediatric psychiatrist on (he sees us on zoom since we can’t leave the house) who has been really helpful. I told him this seems like anxiety and autistic burnout (idk if that’s the right term?), and he agreed. We had been talking about medication anyway for aggression (she’s hurt me pretty bad a few times on accident when angry). He prescribed something to help with anxiety and meltdowns, and it seems to be helping. It’s only been a week, but she’s sleeping better at night and happy during the day. No meltdowns or tantrums, and doesn’t appear to have any bad side effects. But she still won’t get dressed to go in the car anywhere.
I feel so bad because she can’t explain why and despite trying every way I can think of, I can’t figure out what it is. We are trying to keep demands low at home and not force her. Everyone, including teachers and therapists, have all been really supportive and agree nobody should force her, and they all FaceTime her during the week to say hi and tell her they miss her.
Has anyone here experienced this? Or can you offer insight? I really want to help her. And I know it’s not about us (the parents), but I’m just so exhausted and stressed out and sad.

Hey friends! Would love to know where you guys enjoy a good caprese sandwich in town!Details about the good bread are appreciated :)
And yes I searched the sub before posting and yes I googled which wasn’t particularly helpful so I’m here to crowdsource where to find my favorite summer sandwich. Also please don’t tell me it’s easy to make it at home, I’m aware of that also 🙃

To the guy at Evanescence with the flag who kept letting my friends and I wipe our tears(we were sobbing the whole time) thank you for confiding in me that this was your sister’s favorite band before she passed. You were such a wonderful person to be next to and thank you for hugging us even when you were getting emotional. I know your sister is so happy for you, and we will think about you for the rest of our lives. I hope you have the most wonderful life with nothing but good things. It was a highlight of my festival <3

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But you left instead.

hi hi!! So I'm planning to get a conure soon, they're one of my absolute favorite birds and I've always wanted a bird.
There's a cutie at my local PetSmart priced at $750, I love him with my whole being but I'm scared of the cost. Is this an average price for a green cheek conures? Theres not a lot of breeders in my area that I trust.
There is a bird show coming up in August, but I don't know what the prices would look like, and I'm concerned that I'd wait, the bird show prices are higher, and my petsmart friend would be gone :(
TL;DR I'm new to owning birds, what can I expect to pay?

Hi, I've been replaying Rise, mainly using the gunlance as I liked lance a lot and wanted to try this weapon. My experience so far has been awesome it will surely become one of my favorites.
My confusion comes now that me and my friends are at high rank and I'm still doing higher dps than them consistently (I use Hunterpie to view the dps). Damage is not something I care about but I have always seen GL being talked as a weapon with no damage so I don't know if this is just a misconception or if is just something I will get to when I reach Sunbreak.

Hi, sorry for the mistakes I use a translator.
Really sorry if my post is inappropriate for this sub because honestly I know it doesn't really have anything to do with what's happening in the show but not being able to remember is stressing me out lol... It's annoying the show I'm looking for which made me put The Mentalist on my list and thank you because it is now on the list of my favorite shows!
So... I watched a series last year in which a man, one of the main characters, mentions that his uncle watches The Mentalist every night. I see so many shows that I can't remember which one it was and it stresses me out. He jokes about it, once when a friend or colleague who I think he has a crush on doesn't need him, he jokes that he will watch mentalist with his uncle. We never see his uncle. I don't have any other details because my brain isolates this information from the rest of the series... if I have the name of the series I would say to myself "but yeah it's about this, this, this, this happens. .." but I can't remember and it really stresses me out lol. Help!

'm really eager for some feedback on my idea. Here's the gist: I want to create a platform where users can add their favorite spots like docks and ramps, and then get all the weather info they need for the day - stuff like waves, tide, water and air temperature. Plus, it'll even suggest nearby restaurants to check out that you can boat to. I'd love to hear any features that would be helpful to you, or would honestly love any feedback! It's built to be very simple, and straight to the point. There is currently 2 images on the home page of what it looks like.
Thing i'm considering: 1. Allow your friends to tag in, letting you know they'll be in the same location 2. Allowing friends/family to send you boat gas money, food money, etc. 3. vote on restaurant/activites?
This is going to be aimed for friends, and families, so everyone can be on-board with the plans.
https://www.dockweather.com

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. At one point, he missed a turn while driving with GPS and got angry at me for not helping--he disconnected his phone and threw it sideways at me (I guess so I could navigate for him, but it was a pretty retaliatory motion). We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?

Hi! I’m vanessa :) 21 & an artist. Recently had a falling out with someone & the loneliness is too much to bare lol. I’d love to meet some new people I could hopefully become long-term friends with, basically looking for a texting buddy! Love to rant so hopefully you’ve got big ears & patience haha, I love to listen and give advice as well.
As I said I’m an artist, I love to paint specifically people with watercolor.
I’m also a doll collector!
The last thing, I’ll list a couple of my favorite tv shows: - impractical jokers - desperate housewives - lost - superstore - Brooklyn 99
Looking more for a girl bestie but I’m open to anything if we get along well, and are close in age. At least 20-27.
Feel free to message me if anything I said interests you! :) ✨

HI me an a group of my friends (in our 20s) looking for some dinner places in NOLA doesn’t have to be in Downtown but we’re looking for something decently affordable and cozy dinner spots in New Orleans that won't break the bank. Any hidden gems or favorite local joints you'd recommend? Preferably somewhere with a comfortable vibe where we can relax and enjoy some delicious food without spending a fortune. Thanks in advance for your suggestions! 💋

This might be a little sporatic to read because my mind is all over the place and I have no idea how to really talk about this without giving too much information (because I value my family's privacy), but enough to get the advice I need.
So I have been so lucky to find a family that has accepted me into theirs so easily and without issue. However, there has always been some tension in the room whenever everyone was brought together. My fiancé has told me numerous stories about growing up and how hard it was for him and his siblings at times. I would hear the same stories from the sibs, with the a lot of the same details of how they could recall it (both with and without my fiancé present) so I feel like there's some truth in what happened. I've told everyone in the family that since I wasn't there, I wasn't gonna pass judgement on their past actions, and I've remained doing so for the 5 years I've been with my fiancé.
Things seemed to be going okay for the first few years, we'd all get together on occasion, have some laughs, eat some good food, play games, ect. I was (and still am) a very shy person, so a lot of the time I just sit quietly and have more individualized conversations throught the days/nights we got together.
I think it's now been about one and a half years since the sibs went no contact with my MIL. I understood why they did, and supported them by being a listening ear, and reassuring them that if they felt this was the right thing to do for the mental well-being, then I wasn't going to stop them nor would their brother. 1) because I am going on 3 years no contact with my father, and it has brought me such peace and healing that I want them to have it too. 2) Fiancé did a year of no contact with MIL (before we got together).
Now, my relationship with MIL is great. I love her to bits and pieces. She's always shown me kindness and love every chance she got. I always listen to her relationship ups and downs, what projects she's working on, etc etc and vice versa. She's probably one of my favorite people. There have been times where I felt like I was being guilted for things, but I don't accuse of that happening because of my anxiety (I always think I'm blowing things out of proportion and it's not as big of a deal as I think it is) but I also know I can be a bit of a pushover and people pleaser. However, I have heard her side of the stories too, but they don't quite line up with what the sibs have told me, and they told me that would happen. I know the truth lies in between the stories, but in my gut I feel like I believe the siblings more.
As the months went on with the no contact thing going on, I could see the sibs start healing and being genuinely more happy and relaxed. It was so nice to see that peace I got was happening for them too. A couple times they even talked about if they were ever ready, they might sit down and hash out their feelings with MIL. The opposite was happening for MIL. This no contact year has really tore her down. She wants to know what she did wrong, she stopped doing projects for awhile. Really had some rough relationships that didn't help, and it really breaks my heart. But I don't feel it's my place to tell her why the sibs did it and what they have told me. Fiancé and I have been trying to stay out of being in the middle of this situation, but we're all human and I'm a big believer in not bottling up feelings, so I listen and get myself in the middle because of it.
Then it happened.
Yesterday, MIL made a FB post about spending Mother's day alone for the 2nd year in a row. (Last year our vehicle broke down, This year my fiancé leaves on Sundays and comes back on Fridays for his new job so we forgot that it was mother's day (we have no kids) because we were packing and finishing up yard work. We did stop by before he left but it was only for 10 minutes and still didn't remember it was mother's day. We feel really awful that we forgot) Youngest sib saw it, and made a big rant on his snapchat story that talked about some of the issues he has with MIL. Someone in his friends screenshotted it and sent it to MIL. No idea who, but it's not important.
I had no idea that had happened and had gone over to her house to install the new tv she got for her bedroom before she got home from work. I was finishing it up when I heard her come home earlier than expected and saw that she was very upset about something and asked if she was okay. That's when she showed me the screenshot and broke down crying. Now I'm going to be honest, I was upset and hurt myself that she said she spent it alone all day at first but then thought to myself, She pretty much did, we only stopped for 10 minutes and we didn't even say Happy Mother's Day. So I sat and listened to her like I always do, but I was immensely stressed out so I wasn't doing the best at being engaging in the conversation. I hear the stories again, but this time she says "She'd do it again because all that sib said is called parenting." and I HARD disagree with that sentiment. But she was in such a raw emotional state, I didn't want to ask her "Even if this is the result every time?" because I'm NOT at all a therapist and have no idea what it's like to be the parent in this kind of situation, only the adult child that is trying to heal from childhood trauma.
I want to be there for my family, but at the same time I don't want to be caught in the middle of this anymore. Neither does fiancé. We are looking to start our own life and family together and feel like there's nothing we can do about what's going on anyway. I almost feel like family therapy is what needed, but I don't think there is a chance to get everyone on board with it. Not to make them start talking to each other, but just to get everyone on the same page. Should I look into it anyway? Should I just keep my nose out of this? and if so, how? I really don't want to make anyone more upset than they already are, but I think that is pretty much impossible now.

A candid reflection of my first solo trip:
It was on my first night in Japan that I forgot I was alone. Tokyo’s Shinjuku district greeted me with bright neon lights illuminating flocks of tourists walking shops, arcades, and food stands. And somehow, I was a very small part of it, all by myself on the other side of the world. (Maybe with the occasional tout trying to follow me around.)
Solitude is a vulnerable state, and consequently, a compromise. You seize the moment for yourself, and the space is only yours to fill, but intrusive thoughts will covertly slip through and permeate like a disease. Underneath all the lights, humanity surrounded me, enjoying a drink with friends or snapshotting a moment with family. All these people congregated here from around the world, and in spite of their differences, companionship was what they all shared together. The streets filled with the sounds of their life.
But when you feel alone, the mind tricks you into believing that you are not part of it. And you become a silent spectator, watching the phenomenon that is humanity being orchestrated in front of you. It’s a hollow feeling.
And after not speaking and hearing the sound of your own voice for a while, it becomes replaced by a solemn tone whispering empty thoughts. I tried not to listen.
Nevertheless, Tokyo was beautiful (Senso-ji temple was stunning and my favorite Japanese dessert is now age manju). One night, I even went to a Japanese hip-hop show in Shibuya and it was a wonderful experience. Getting to watch such extremely talented artists so passionate about their craft inspired me and pulled me away from ruminating loneliness for some time. I met one of the performing artists after the show and told him how much I loved his verse (despite not understanding it) and we hugged and he cried. He thanked me over and over until he started apologizing for thanking me so much. It was a special moment and I will always remember his humility. (His band is KOMOREBI - check them out!).
I also went out with some other travelers that night, trying okonomiyaki in Setagaya for the first time (it was mouthful bliss) and then went out to a punk rock concert, and a night club. I wasn’t a huge fan of the clubbing, but the company was refreshing. And like all good things, it was fleeting, and I bid my farewell to everyone that night.
I packed my things, and took a bullet train to my next stop, Kyoto. I was anticipating it, as the train zoomed south with Mount Fuji in surreal, passing view. Looking out the window, seeing my own transparent reflection, I took a breath. The train was moving at around 300 km/hour, but everything felt still and quiet. Even the parts of me that wanted to cry.
Kyoto was rich with temples and vestiges of a long, cherished history. I visited the Kyoto National Museum where I saw sculptured deities with venerable auras, parables scripted in decayed scrolls, and art that embodied Buddhist principles. I saw elevated temples monumental and grand, and others more modest and reserved. But they all stood resolutely, bearing the resilience of time and constant revival. They have felt desecration during arson and natural disasters, but throughout history, the Japanese have rebuilt and renovated them. And somehow, after enduring all this, as long as time has persisted, here they stood before me, as a testament to strength and preservation.
The long-lasting principles of Buddhism and the culture that were so deeply rooted in this country’s history must continue to live on through the structures that stood before me. Purpose is enough to withstand the cruelty of time’s passage. And the cycle of destruction and restoration that traced centuries was felt in the emanating silence only occupied by the sounds of water trickling down a rill or the occasional soft, swaying of trees. I like to think that ancient silence had touched my existence in those moments and advised me to listen.
Solitude is painful because the empty space that comes with it is congregated by the deeper parts of ourselves that seek to dwell on the purpose of our existence. It is when we are alone and quiet that obtrusive questions confront us, invoking us to listen and contemplate. And when we fail to answer gracefully, that is when the loudest and most self-destructive parts of ourselves will answer for us. The parts that are so keen in stripping our humanity from us.
After my last day in Kyoto, I packed all my things once again, and went over to my final destination, Osaka. I had only one night there. And it was an abrupt return to bustling crowds in the metropolitan. Existential silences were replaced with the sounds of humanity again. But as I walked through Dotonbori on a Friday night eating lots of warm, delicious takoyaki and skewers of Kobe beef, that feeling still returned. I knew I was unwell. And trivialities started to begrudge me and I could tell that it was time. And there would be no escaping it.
I took a taxi back to my hotel and I laid in my bed earlier than expected that night. And everything finally spilled. I cried and I cried and I cried. I was finally listening and it hurt doing so.
This solo trip was supposed to help me escape my problems, but it didn’t. When I brought myself here, I brought everything, and that included problems I wish I could have left behind. And amidst my issues, I questioned myself and my place in the world, even my very reasons for existing during times I felt like I had nobody. And albeit having wonderful moments with people throughout my trip, even strangers who treated me with grace and hospitality, that feeling still lingered and it was revealing a deeper issue. An issue not with whether I was in Japan or back home. Or whether I had people around me or I was alone. It was a deeper issue with myself.
But the silence that comes after the storm is just as serene as the silence that precedes. The older I get, the more I begin to have a respect for emotions and their function. They must be felt and I don’t think they are there to harm or sabotage us, although it might seem like it. It is a need to be heard not by others, but by ourselves. Listening to our own cries for help is scary and uncomfortable, but the silence that follows is like an aged temple still standing after centuries of cyclical adversity. Like the calm flow of water down a rill. Like the soft swaying of trees.
My 10-day solo trip was coming to an end. It was coming time to go home. I spent my last day in Tokyo walking Yoyogi Park. The sky was a clear melancholy overhead scattered, naked trees around the park. I saw couples sitting together, friends circled on picnic blankets, and some reading a book by themselves. Humanity felt beautiful that day and I was grateful to be a part of it, one last time. I packed my things once more before taking my flight back home the next day.
I love Japan and I am grateful it carved a space for me to experience all that I did. This trip will forever hold a special place in my heart. But it was not an epiphany, as much as I wished it was. I did not return home as an entirely new person with newfound happiness or certainty. I returned with the same issues I left with, the same, flawed self that was proof of what it meant to be human this whole time. Only with new experiences. And I don’t think that will change.
My humanity lives in my constant struggle of self-preservation, as I continue to unravel and understand myself as I experience, feel, and change. And perhaps that is enough purpose for my own existence, to strive for those moments of silence, where I will continue to stand resolutely in my own imperfection, alone or not.

In conclusion to revisiting Cole's 2014 FHD, Anthony Fantano maintained his 6/10 stance, which, as internet normality would have it, triggered a flood of detractors in his comment section. I listlessly scrolled through, but still, as previous times, sensed something lurking beneath the derision directed at Fantano; something about his music opinions that stirs dramatic reactions, that even Fantano occasionally has to remind his viewers that his reviews are just opinions. Yet, people react to his opinions as if they transcend opinion-ness, as if his opinions were objective facts. There's a psychological elevation of Fantano-like opinions beyond mere opinions, and towards objectivity.
My goal in this not so rambly essay is to identify what feature Fantano-like opinions—any opinion that psychologically transcends opinions—possess that makes them like that. We start with the psychological elevation's end point; Objective facts.
Objective facts exist with or without a perceiver; they don't need permission from the perceiver to exist. This entails that objective facts impose themselves upon the consciousness, whether allowed or not — they require no permission. To elucidate this: A unicorn is within the permission of your consciousness; you can permit it to be in your mind or not. Q table, on the other hand, doesn't require your permission to be perceived. You create the unicorn in your mind, while the table creates itself in your mind.— ** An imposition upon the perceiver is the essence of Objectivity.**. Now, if that's true, then any psychologically imposing thing, even if subjective, would cause an engagement on the part of the imposed upon that is the same as how the imposed upon would engage with an objective thing.
Without perceptual permission, Fantano creates "FHD is a 6/10" in one's mind; he imposes "FHD is a 6/10" upon one's consciousness—His opinions become "objective". Note that this differs from a friend giving their opinion on FHD when one asks for it—even if one takes offense to "FHD is 6/10, they'd react to the opinion as a bad opinion, but an opinion still. In Fantano's case, however, the opinion identifier is repressed.
Humanity's interaction with objectivity—its imposition upon our consciousness—has been so instinctually deepened that anything which imposes itself upon our consciousness causes us to react as if it were objective.
Positive reactions are no exception. The scientist, the philosopher, the surgeon, the politician, all exist in powerful positions that make it possible to psychologically impose their opinions. Whilst some may react to it with dramatic derision, others accept it the same way they'd accept “The Sun is hot.” (Kinda unrelated, but I think this is why ‘intrusive thoughts’ are a thing; thoughts that have their own agency independent of your perception, kinda like an objective fact.).
All opinions are opinions, but in my own opinion, some opinions are less opinion-like than others—including this essay, which you either reacted to with dramatic derision or dramatic delight, as it’s psychologically imposed upon you—the essence of objectivity.