It if my belief that the hardest liberal ideal to uphold is not property rights or free-markets but pluralism. This is because the instinct to demonize and distance oneself from one's enemies is overwhelmingly strong, driven by pride, fear, anger, and disgust. But we should stand against these impulses, for the very core of democracy relies on people and groups of different to engage and hash out a plan for the future. With that in mind, I would like to make a case that one of the most powerful and useful things a principles neoliberal can do is bridge build.

What is Bridge Building?

Bridge-building is not rigorously defined because it's pretty new, but it comes from very old human instincts: curiosity and a desire for authentic connection.
Curiosity is not just a desire for knowledge, but a desire to expand one's view of the world and a practice of being an ever-enthusiastic learner. Curiosity does not have to be about facts but also about new experiences and ways of thinking. To be curious about a person is not necessarily wanting to know their social security number, but how they came to where they are in life and how they see the world. Curiosity is not just touching grass, but appreciating the park's beauty. If I were not curious, I would likely have noped out of this subreddit based on the name alone. But because I was, I read the sidebar.
It is my belief that people have an innate desire to be heard, to be seen and respected. And although it is diminished as of late, people also have the capacity to truly connect to others on a deeper-than-superficial level. This is hard online, but much easier in the real world. This desire and capacity for connection can help people overcome great differences and sprout the seeds of a great friendship.
Based on these two principles, Bridge-Building is a movement to ease polarization by connecting people of different backgrounds and groups together to foster greater understanding. The goal is not to reduce disagreement, but to make it more productive.

Why should Neoliberals Aim to Bridge Build?

Yeah, why should we? If we know best, why should we listen to those chumps? After all, I already have a name for everyone to right and left of me: wrong.
For one, do we really know best about everything? In the Socratic Dialogue Meno, Socrates and the politician Meno discuss the nature of virtue. During a debate on whether virtue can be taught, Meno asks Socrates this:

And how will you enquire, Socrates, into that which you do not know? What will you put forth as the subject of enquiry? And if you find what you want, how will you ever know that this is the thing which you did not know?

Here in lies Meno's Paradox: how do you know if you need to learn? If you already have that knowledge, you do not need to look any longer. And if you don't, then you have no idea what you're searching for. Socrates uses the idea of inbuilt knowledge as his answer, but I have another one which may strike more directly to the interests of liberals: simply assume that your knowledge is incomplete, and seek a more complete picture. Given all the knowledge in the world out there and all the things have yet to be discovered, it is unlikely that you or any other person has the complete picture on even a single issue.
But even if we do not know everything, if there value in learning from those of different views of us? I say that there is, and I will use another famous parable, this time from Buddhism, to illustrate my point. In this story, a kind invites a group of blind men to experience something that they have never encountered before: an elephant. When each blind man has felt a part of the creature, the king asks them to describe what they are touching. The man touching the foot says that the thing is a pillar, the man touching the trunk says it is a plow, the man touching the tip of the tail says a brush, and so on. The blind men cannot agree on what they are all touching, and so start an ancient version of a flamewar which entertains the king. In this story, the elephant is "The Truth", if such a thing exists. Although we all come in contact with the truth and with reality, we each come at it at different angles, like how the blind men are touching different parts. This means that while our individual perspectives are incomplete, they can be put together as a much more complete picture. People who remember the "wisdom" of the crowds should also recognize the powerful insights that can come from non-experts, especially as a group. Neoliberals who aspire to be "evidence-based" should not just gather evidence from different sources, but learn about different ways of thinking from others, or else they would be like one blind man squeezing the elephant's gonads really hard and thinking he's touching a balloon.
Edit: Just realized another reason Another reason for bridge building has to do with pragmatism. Pragmatism is not simply being "less extreme", but meeting people where they are. But how can you do that if you don't know where they are? Polls can help, but some personal connection may help as well, given how unreliable polls can be.
Hoewver, there are a lot of people who will reply to this very post and say, "isn't it dangerous to engage with certain people? What about those who are too stupid and hateful to learn?". Firstly, you should never bridge build if you feel unsafe. However, feeling unsafe is not the same as feeling uncomfortable, and discomfort may help you shake out of old patterns. Secondly, the foremost goal of substantive discussion is not to teach but to learn: even if the other party is too stupid to learn, if you are able to listen and learn you will have gained from the conversation. This may not always work out, but I promise you that when it does the effect is magical.

How do you Bridge Build?

This is the hard part. I haven't fully figured it out myself, but I have some pointers:

1. Be patient. People, especially people on the internet, are no the most eloquent speakers. Struggling to find the right words or having incorrect grammar and spelling should not be taken as signs of being dumb babies not worth talking to. Additionally, try not assume all of what people are based on snippets of information.
2. Be polite. Avoiding infamatory remarks ("You can't even read a supply and demand graph") and ambiguous slogans ("From the river to the sea, drugs will be free!") and try to keep the focus on the issues instead of the other person (or what you assume of the other person).

3.Stand up for your beliefs. Common ground is only real if it is earned. Be upfront about what you believe and how you came to believe those things. Anything else would be a disservice to the other party.

1. Follow your curiosity. Try to ask questions in good faith instead of as traps (although I admit I do this a lot). Who knows where the inquiry will go?

But if that's too hard or ambiguous, there's a lot of help out there. Here are some organizations and projects that specialize in bridge-building:
Braver Angels: They host workshops, debates, and other events for bridging divides. I also like their A Braver Way Podcast. They also happen to be associated with one American Purpose Magazine.
One Small Step by StoryCorps: If you sign up, they may match you with someone they think you will have a fruitful conversation with.
National Institue for Civil Discourse: Come on, one of the founding Co-Chairs was Bill Clinton, and a former board member was H.W. Bush.
There are many more, so feel free to search for yourself. So, why not try building some bridges? They're an important piece of infrastructure.

I made this code with the help of AI, I read rule 10 but trust me this kept me up at night (bad at coding). Can somebody please explain why it only works properly in Codepen, but not when I place it in a website host? I saved it as styles.css, index.html, script.js., then to a folder, then zipped it.
When I put it in Codepen, the questions drop down when I choose the gender, this doesn't work in the website host. Any help/tip is appreciated. Thanks!

CSS: body { font-family: Arial, sans-serif; background-color: #7074A0; margin: 0; padding: 0; } .container { max-width: 800px; margin: 2rem auto; background: #D5D5D5; padding: 2rem; box-shadow: 0 0 10px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.1); border-radius: 10px; } h1 { text-align: center; color: #333; } .form-group { margin-bottom: 1.5rem; } label { font-weight: bold; } select, input[type="checkbox"], button { width: 100%; padding: 0.5rem; margin-top: 0.5rem; border: 1px solid #ccc; border-radius: 5px; box-sizing: border-box; } button { background-color: #2C3055; color: white; font-weight: bold; cursor: pointer; transition: background-color 0.3s; } button:hover { background-color: #008080; } #recommendationResult { margin-top: 1.5rem; font-weight: bold; } HTML:          
 
The Fashion Anatomist
 
 
 Gender:  Select Gender Male Female  
 
 Body Type:  Select Body Type  
 
 Hide Recommendations:  
 
 Get Recommendations 
 
 
    JS: const bodyTypes = { male: ["Rectangle", "Triangle", "Upside Down Triangle", "Trapezoid", "Oval"], female: ["Rectangle", "Apple", "Pear", "Hourglass", "Upside Down Triangle"] }; const questions = { male: [ { question: "What is your go-to outfit for a casual day out?", options: ["Jeans and a T-shirt", "Casual shirt and pants", "Athleisure wear", "Vintage finds", "Tailored clothes", "Simple and clean", "Bohemian styles", "Chic and trendy", "Unique and artsy"] }, { question: "Which colors do you prefer to wear?", options: ["Bright and bold", "Neutral tones", "Pastels", "Earthy colors", "Classic black and white", "Monochrome", "Mixed prints", "Sleek and modern", "Vibrant and contrasting"] }, { question: "What kind of shoes do you usually wear?", options: ["Sneakers", "Casual shoes", "Formal shoes", "Boots", "Loafers", "Minimalist shoes", "Ethnic sandals", "Designer shoes", "Artsy shoes"] }, { question: "Which accessory do you never leave the house without?", options: ["Cap", "Scarf", "Statement watch", "Tie", "Belt", "Simple necklace", "Layered bracelets", "Stylish bag", "Artsy accessory"] } ], female: [ { question: "What is your go-to outfit for a casual day out?", options: ["Jeans and a T-shirt", "A dress", "Athleisure wear", "Vintage finds", "Tailored clothes", "Simple and clean", "Bohemian styles", "Chic and trendy", "Unique and artsy"] }, { question: "Which colors do you prefer to wear?", options: ["Bright and bold", "Neutral tones", "Pastels", "Earthy colors", "Classic black and white", "Monochrome", "Mixed prints", "Sleek and modern", "Vibrant and contrasting"] }, { question: "What kind of shoes do you usually wear?", options: ["Sneakers", "Flats", "Heels", "Boots", "Loafers", "Minimalist sandals", "Ethnic sandals", "Designer shoes", "Artsy shoes"] }, { question: "Which accessory do you never leave the house without?", options: ["Cap", "Scarf", "Statement jewelry", "Watch", "Belt", "Simple necklace", "Layered necklaces", "Stylish handbag", "Artsy bag"] } ] }; const styleMap = { "Jeans and a T-shirt": "casual", "Casual shirt and pants": "casual", "A dress": "chic", "Athleisure wear": "casual", "Vintage finds": "vintage", "Tailored clothes": "formal", "Simple and clean": "minimalist", "Bohemian styles": "bohemian", "Chic and trendy": "chic", "Unique and artsy": "artsy", "Bright and bold": "streetwear", "Neutral tones": "casual", "Pastels": "preppy", "Earthy colors": "bohemian", "Classic black and white": "formal", "Monochrome": "minimalist", "Mixed prints": "vintage", "Sleek and modern": "chic", "Vibrant and contrasting": "artsy", "Sneakers": "streetwear", "Casual shoes": "casual", "Formal shoes": "formal", "Boots": "bohemian", "Loafers": "formal", "Minimalist shoes": "minimalist", "Ethnic sandals": "bohemian", "Designer shoes": "chic", "Artsy shoes": "artsy", "Cap": "streetwear", "Scarf": "vintage", "Statement watch": "formal", "Tie": "formal", "Belt": "preppy", "Simple necklace": "minimalist", "Layered bracelets": "bohemian", "Stylish bag": "chic", "Artsy accessory": "artsy", "Statement jewelry": "chic", "Watch": "formal", "Layered necklaces": "bohemian", "Stylish handbag": "chic", "Artsy bag": "artsy" }; const recommendations = { male: { Rectangle: { casual: "Opt for well-fitted t-shirts and straight-cut jeans.", chic: "Tailored pieces with sharp lines and neutral colors.", minimalist: "Stick to monochromatic outfits with clean lines.", vintage: "Go for retro patterns and fitted blazers.", formal: "Choose structured suits with shoulder padding.", bohemian: "Flowy shirts with earthy tones and relaxed pants.", artsy: "Abstract prints and asymmetrical designs." }, Triangle: { casual: "Wear darker colors on top and lighter on the bottom.", chic: "Structured blazers and vertical stripes to elongate the torso.", minimalist: "Neutral tones with minimal layering.", vintage: "High-waisted pants and vintage tees.", formal: "Suits with padded shoulders and tapered pants.", bohemian: "Loose tops with fitted bottoms.", artsy: "Bold, artistic prints and unique cuts." }, "Upside Down Triangle": { casual: "Fitted shirts and loose trousers for balance.", chic: "Tailored jackets and darker colors on top.", minimalist: "Simple and clean lines with solid colors.", vintage: "Classic patterns like houndstooth or plaid.", formal: "Structured suits with well-defined shoulders.", bohemian: "Loose tops with wide-leg pants.", artsy: "Geometric patterns and unconventional designs." }, Trapezoid: { casual: "Fitted tops and straight-leg jeans.", chic: "Structured blazers and well-fitted trousers.", minimalist: "Clean lines and tailored silhouettes.", vintage: "Retro-inspired pieces with a modern twist.", formal: "Tailored suits with balanced proportions.", bohemian: "Relaxed fits with layered textures.", artsy: "Experimental designs and unique accessories." }, Oval: { casual: "Opt for fitted tops and straight-cut bottoms.", chic: "Structured blazers and tailored trousers.", minimalist: "Simple, streamlined outfits with solid colors.", vintage: "Classic pieces with flattering silhouettes.", formal: "Well-tailored suits with structured jackets.", bohemian: "Flowy tops with relaxed bottoms for balance.", artsy: "Statement pieces and bold accessories." } }, female: { Rectangle: { casual: "Tuck in your shirts and pair with skinny jeans.", chic: "Structured blazers and high-waisted pants.", minimalist: "Simple, straight-cut dresses and tops.", vintage: "High-waisted skirts and fitted blouses.", formal: "Peplum tops and pencil skirts.", bohemian: "Flowy dresses with cinched waists.", artsy: "Bold patterns and unique textures." }, Apple: { casual: "V-neck tops and A-line skirts.", chic: "Structured blouses with wide-leg trousers.", minimalist: "Monochrome outfits with clean lines.", vintage: "Empire-waist dresses and skirts.", formal: "Wrap dresses and tailored blazers.", bohemian: "Loose tops with flared pants.", artsy: "Unique cuts and statement accessories." }, Pear: { casual: "Fitted tops and wide-leg pants.", chic: "Blazers with shoulder pads and A-line skirts.", minimalist: "Simple tops with straight-leg pants.", vintage: "High-waisted pants and tucked-in blouses.", formal: "Structured dresses with defined waists.", bohemian: "Flowy tops with fitted bottoms.", artsy: "Layered textures and asymmetrical designs." }, Hourglass: { casual: "Wrap tops and high-waisted jeans.", chic: "Tailored dresses with cinched waists.", minimalist: "Fitted tops with straight-leg trousers.", vintage: "Retro-inspired dresses with belts.", formal: "Bodycon dresses and pencil skirts.", bohemian: "Cinched waists with flowy skirts.", artsy: "Form-fitting pieces with artistic prints." }, "Upside Down Triangle": { casual: "Fitted shirts and loose skirts.", chic: "Structured jackets with flared pants.", minimalist: "Simple tops with wide-leg trousers.", vintage: "A-line dresses with vintage patterns.", formal: "Blazers with shoulder pads and pencil skirts.", bohemian: "Loose tops with flowy bottoms.", artsy: "Bold prints and unique cuts." } } }; document.getElementById('bodyTypeForm').addEventListener('submit', function (e) { e.preventDefault(); const gender = document.getElementById('gender').value; const bodyType = document.getElementById('bodyType').value; const hideRecommendations = document.getElementById('hideRecommendations').checked; if (!gender) { alert("Please select gender."); return; } if (!hideRecommendations && !bodyType) { alert("Please select body type or choose to hide recommendations."); return; } const questionElements = document.querySelectorAll('.questionContainer'); const answers = []; questionElements.forEach(questionElement => { const answer = questionElement.querySelector('select').value; if (!answer) { alert("Please answer all questions."); return; } answers.push(answer); }); const styleCount = {}; answers.forEach(answer => { const style = styleMap[answer]; if (style) { if (!styleCount[style]) { styleCount[style] = 0; } styleCount[style]++; } }); const preferredStyle = Object.keys(styleCount).reduce((a, b) => styleCount[a] > styleCount[b] ? a : b, null); let recommendation = `Your preferred style is ${preferredStyle}.`; if (!hideRecommendations && bodyType) { const bodyTypeRecommendation = recommendations[gender]?.[bodyType]?.[preferredStyle]; if (bodyTypeRecommendation) { recommendation += ` For your ${bodyType} body type, we recommend: ${bodyTypeRecommendation}.`; } else { recommendation += " Please consult a stylist for personalized recommendations."; } } document.getElementById('recommendationResult').innerText = recommendation; }); document.getElementById('gender').addEventListener('change', function (e) { const gender = e.target.value; const bodyTypeSelect = document.getElementById('bodyType'); const hideRecommendationsCheckbox = document.getElementById('hideRecommendations'); if (gender) { bodyTypeSelect.removeAttribute('disabled'); hideRecommendationsCheckbox.removeAttribute('disabled'); } else { bodyTypeSelect.setAttribute('disabled', true); hideRecommendationsCheckbox.setAttribute('disabled', true); } bodyTypeSelect.innerHTML = 'Select Body Type'; bodyTypes[gender].forEach(bodyType => { const option = document.createElement('option'); option.value = bodyType; option.innerText = bodyType; bodyTypeSelect.appendChild(option); }); const questionContainer = document.getElementById('questionContainer'); questionContainer.innerHTML = ''; questions[gender].forEach((question, index) => { const questionDiv = document.createElement('div'); questionDiv.className = 'questionContainer'; const questionLabel = document.createElement('label'); questionLabel.innerText = question.question; const questionSelect = document.createElement('select'); questionSelect.innerHTML = 'Select Answer'; question.options.forEach(option => { const optionElement = document.createElement('option'); optionElement.value = option; optionElement.innerText = option; questionSelect.appendChild(optionElement); }); questionDiv.appendChild(questionLabel); questionDiv.appendChild(questionSelect); questionContainer.appendChild(questionDiv); }); }); document.getElementById('hideRecommendations').addEventListener('change', function (e) { const bodyTypeSelect = document.getElementById('bodyType'); if (e.target.checked) { bodyTypeSelect.setAttribute('disabled', true); } else { bodyTypeSelect.removeAttribute('disabled'); } }); 

hi all! I am headed to the finale in NYC next week, and am making friendship bracelets for all the cast. having trouble coming up with 1-3 words to put on bracelets for randen, tiff, venus and soda! if anyone has any fun cute ideas, please drop them below-thanks!

but what’s it gonna take for you to realize she is sucking the only little bit of life you have left in you. She ALLEGEDLY burned down your house you worked for your children, traumatizing your daughter on the daily (you’re both disgusting for doing shit with her in the room with you guys), making you lose friendships you’ve had for YEARS, she doesn’t give a shit about her own flesh and blood that she birthed, she uses you for the little you have she’s gonna suck you dry til you have nothing. She isn’t gonna stay with you either if she continues her pattern she’s had her whole life. We all know you don’t even like her you just like how easy and immature she is, which is weird of you. Wonder if you’ll ever wake up or if you’re just gonna continue to get played by this little girl. 😂
Most importantly, do what’s best for the kids. Be a present father, put the beer down. Make memories with your kids. Put your kids before this little bitch PLEASE.

One of the things that gives me the ick in friendships— especially with younger women I meet— is when they can’t even hang for a girl’s night without doing something to dramatically engage their partner.
Say you know a woman who married young and is still pretty young and she wants to be involved in your established friend group. You invite her out a few times, but you notice this distinct pattern where she gets extremely tipsy and calls her husband to pick her up before the night is over. Maybe on the surface that doesn’t seem that bad, but it’s never communicated to the rest of you that she’s anxious or too drunk, she just gets into the phone zone and suddenly her husband is there and then she’s gone.
When you hang out during the day, the husband is preemptively invited even when it’s just girls. He makes weird comments about the money she’s spending and doesn’t vibe. He goes away but he’s there again at the end of the night to help ghost her away. Add to it that on the third time this happens, she sticks you with the tab.
Would you assume that this woman is getting drunk so her husband has to pick her up so that she is no longer her own responsibility, but his, and so that he has to rescue her? That it is less about your group of friends and more about her wheedling validation out of her man? Would you ever directly address this with her or would you ice her with out with no explanation?

I (late 30s M) have moved since 10 years to a very international city where people come and go, and have made a few friends in the process that, over the years, have helped me in so many ways. I can literally count only four now, and I feel socially isolated.
However, since I am not single and not that young anymore (5-ish yrs) it has become extremely difficult to make friends, and keep those I have.
Two of them (unrelated) seem increasingly distracted and uninterested about what I instead valued: they show up at birthdays but that’s it. I volunteered to help them move, I am consistently nice and genuinely interested about their life, I always reach out first.
We used to go out a lot, invite to each other’s parties, check up on each other before the weekends, etc.
One of them was, in the words of my partner, “unacceptable” in the way he handled attending an event today, where we vaguely said we would meet — we didn’t and he did zero effort despite the WhatsApp geolocations etc. — while posting stories with total random people.
I have a very negative attitude and would want to retaliate by stopping to talk or sending some disappointed message like I would have done some ten years ago, just making it official I don’t feel that I deserve being treated this way, let alone embarrassed in front of my loved ones or being stood up. But I think it would be pathetic and I should just silently stop being present, answering to memes and empty connections that do not fix anything.
Sometimes friendships are over and I guess this is one of those cases. I just keep blaming my incompetence at adulting/caring about others, and my awkwardness as this is a pattern in two of four people I would trust with my home keys in this foreign place.
I don’t know what makes sense, what would you do?

Some background. When I (26F) was in college I did a summer program where I got to perform with other students ages 16-22ish. The program was not affiliated with any school. I was 18 the first summer and I became really close with the guy ("Gus" 39M) who was in charge of teaching me and my peers. I took a summer off to do some service work for a church and went back the year after, where Gus was still in charge of teaching students. While I was gone, Gus and I communicated frequently via email and FB, with him giving me lots of support because it was hard being away from home. Over time, as I leaned on him for support, he began to do the same.
The summer I went back, Gus and I remained very close. While he would be teaching me and my peers, we would also still be exchanging messages and joking around. Outside of the program, we would hang out and get food, he would give me rides (he said physical touch was his love language and would often give me long hugs or put his hand on my knee). He would always pay, saying he knew I was tight on money because of college. I didn't realize at the time that this was weird or not right for someone in a teaching position to do with a student, even an adult one. When people started asking me if Gus and I were dating, I let Gus know that people thinking that made me uncomfortable and we should reevaluate how we act because I wasn't interested in that. We were just friends. It seemed like he understood, but over those next months, he would get upset with me when I had more free time to give to my boyfriend (now husband "Shaun") than I did Gus.
Shaun and I got engaged and Gus was upset I didn't tell him directly (we told our siblings and parents and then made a FB post for everyone else). It really soured my excitement. At our wedding, Gus sat a table the whole time and didn't come to the dance floor where I was the whole night. He was then upset that he didn't get a picture with me in my wedding dress before I changed.
Over the next few years this same pattern continued where Gus would be upset when I didn't spend more time with him, he'd get upset if I wasn't texting him every day, but he didn't want to hang out with me and Shaun together because "he didn't know Shaun that well". I tried to set boundaries multiple times and tried to explain to Gus that I was feeling like he was using me as a fill in SO, but he wouldn't ever finish talking through it, would say he understood or had questions, things would cool for a few months and then he'd start complaining about the lack of time we spent together again. I was still teaching at this school with him. My husband started teaching there as well and Gus complained saying "this was the last thing we had that was just us". I had started feeling anxious having to spend any time with Gus.
When I started working with the summer program, Gus was still there as well. I had to do a training for safety with minors in order to work there and that's when I started to realize Gus had developed a weird, unhealthy emotional attachment to me and had been ignoring the rules teachers are meant to follow concerning students (even adult students). He had been love bombing me, gaslighting me and emotionally abusing me for years. And I had no clue what to do with this realization. My heart sank. I loved being friends with Gus but he had abused me, my trust and my friendship. I decided I would just start cutting him out and leave it at that.
The following summer, I had a friend who had also been a student in the program who was now working with the program ask me how I got Gus to leave me alone. Apparently, she'd been feeling uncomfortable around him as well for similar reasons (though she was older and smarter than I was when he started pushing on her). I told her I hadn't, really, I just stopped talking to him.
This past year, I got a more permanent position with that same school. I had thought that Gus was no longer working there much, so I thought it would be okay. I work directly with someone who I'd known for years, and had known Gus for decades. Gus and him hang out every Sunday and they had worked together for just as many years. Like I said, I thought Gus wasn't working in that same role anymore, so I took the job and thought nothing of him. I was wrong. And I had a breakdown knowing I'd have to work directly with Gus now. My boss had no clue any of this was a thing and I hadn't previously mentioned any of to anyone besides my husband. After realizing I'd be working with Gus, I broke down to my boss who encouraged me to let the program coordinator of the summer program know about what had happened. I was worried at this point because it was clear it wasn't just me - if it had been, I would've suffered in silence. So, I let the coordinator know. I also texted Gus one last time to let him know I could not and would not be involved in this sick twisted friendship any longer. I would work with him, but that was it.
Gus was asked to resign from his position as a result and he was informed that I was the individual who had made the report. I still think it was wrong for whoever to betray my anonymity but I haven't done anything about it.
Now onto the problem as a result of all of this. The school we all 3 work with has no clue that Gus was asked to resign his position working with students because of an inappropriate relationship with a student. Gus and my boss exclude me from major decisions, even though Gus is hired as a para professional and I am hired as an Assistant Coach. On paper, Gus and I should at least be on the same level, if not me above him, but he has years of tenure.
I kept asking my boss why I wasn't being included, and he kept giving me bullshit excuses about how I wasn't intentionally being excluded, Gus and him just hang out a lot and end up talking about work at the same time. Things finally came to a head a few days ago when I was excluded from our staff FB chat group for the past few months until that day. I confronted my boss on why I had been excluded, telling him it wasn't really about the chat, it was about everything else leading up to it. I asked him again why I had been excluded from major decisions and he finally told me it was because Gus was uncomfortable being around me. To say I was shocked and angry was an understatement. I was already crying from frustration before he admitted this.
I reminded my boss that I was the victim, not Gus. He told me "well he's not NOT the victim, his whole life is different now because of your report". I reminded him that he encouraged me to bring it forward and he said "don't turn this on me, you chose to do it" completely ignoring that I had told him I was unsure what to do but just wanted him to know because Gus and I would be working together. He has no concept for the idea that he's shaming me as the victim. He told me he was trying to "mitigate" the situation and every time he had suggested bringing me in on things, he "could just see Gus tense up and get comfortable" and so he decided to leave me out, instead. My boss is choosing his best friend over me. I asked my boss what my future here could possibly be if he was going to choose Gus over me, and he went off on how he values me, but if I feel I need to leave, then that's my choice.
I'm just so angry that I'm getting punished for something Gus did. I'm losing out on opportunities because I was emotionally abused. And no one else on the staff has any clue and they all use love Gus. It feels like no one knows or cares that I'm getting pushed out of my dream job because an older man got the hots for one of his students and couldn't control himself. I don't even know how to bring this up to the administration, because I clearly can't work in these conditions and they need to know if I leave it's because my boss is siding with my emotional abuser on all of this.

I found that I have attracted and primarily dated avoidants and it explains a lot in my dating patterns. One thing I don't understand is that while they need a lot of space that when you ask them for space or even have marginal boundaries they get super mad. One ex after leaving me for their most recent ex acted like I was being an ogre for not wanting to maintain a friendship with her afterwards. She acted like I was the one betraying her.
My most recent partner initiated a break up with me because we had a small conflict that I thought we had resolved. I come to find out that she was still upset about it and I was upset that she hadn't been truthful with me for a while. I got upset and told her I needed space because I knew I was going to get broken up with. I took the weekend to prepare myself letting her know that I wasn't ready to talk yet. She said that me refusing to engage with her when she wanted to was giving her the silent treatment even though I told her I wasn't able to talk yet. I never ignored her. I actually was trying to limit the damage by trying to regulate my emotions on my own which I am proud of. It's hilarious to me because she needs a lot of space but when I directly asked for space she lost her ever loving shit. Can someone try to explain?

Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy

"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"

I know exactly what is wrong and what I should do to fix it. I don’t care. I’m sad and I switched this long weekend with my my exhusband so I could work at my volunteer job all weekend. And my job didn’t schedule me for today, Saturday. I am mad. I’ve never switched weekends before, certainly not so I could work. I am also dealing with my cousin and former best friend stopped speaking to me after my Mother’s funeral, 3 years ago. Obviously, I did something. Often when things are traumatic, I lose my memory. My sister has no idea what it is. My cousin refuses to to tell me. We have be best friends our whole lives. She willing to end 50 years of friendship. I have no idea why. If written her and said I know this is something I have done, please tell me what it is, I take responsibility for my actions. Let me apologize and adjust my behaviour. Nothing. My brother had also cut me off this was in November when his MIL died. Again, no idea what I did. I’ve asked he won’t tell me. This is third time he has done this since our twenties. It hurts, but this is clearly a pattern of behaviour. So ya, I’m very down today. And this isn’t allowing me to post. Kick in the gut. Nobody has replied. Will anyone reply?

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1. Introduction to Kundali and Vedic Astrology

The ancient and mystical art of Kundali, also known as Vedic Astrology, has been a cornerstone of Indian wisdom for thousands of years. This intricate system of planetary alignment and cosmic influences has been used to guide individuals on their life’s journey, predicting the path of destiny, and offering valuable insights into personality, strengths, and weaknesses. The intricate chart of the Kundali, comprising of 12 houses and 12 signs, is a window to the soul, revealing the intricate web of energies that shape our lives.
At its core, Kundali is a tool for self-discovery, offering a profound understanding of our individual nature, our place in the world, and the potential we hold. By analyzing the intricate patterns of planetary movements, Vedic Astrology provides a unique framework for understanding the complexities of human life, including relationships, career, and spiritual growth. As we navigate the twists and turns of life, Kundali offers a beacon of guidance, illuminating the way forward and revealing the secrets to unlocking our true potential.
In this era of rapid change and uncertainty, the wisdom of Kundali has never been more relevant. By exploring the mysteries of your Kundali, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses, empowering you to make informed decisions that align with your highest good. And now, with our free Pandit Ji astrology consultations, you can unlock the secrets of your Kundali and embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation.

1. What is a Kundali Reading?

A Kundali reading, also known as a birth chart analysis, is a profound and intricate process that delves into the depths of an individual’s birth chart, revealing the intricate web of celestial bodies that shape their destiny. This ancient Indian practice of astrology, also known as Jyotish, is based on the principle that the position of the planets at the exact time and place of an individual’s birth has a profound impact on their life, personality, and future.
A Kundali reading is a unique and personalized analysis of an individual’s birth chart, which provides insight into their strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and challenges. This ancient art of astrology helps to uncover the subtle energies that influence an individual’s life, including their relationships, career, health, and overall well-being. By examining the intricate patterns and relationships between the planets, a skilled astrologer can offer valuable guidance and insights to help individuals navigate life’s challenges and make informed decisions.
With the help of our expert Pandit Ji, who has spent years perfecting the art of Kundali reading, you can gain a deeper understanding of your birth chart and unlock the secrets to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Our free consultations at your WhatsApp will provide you with a unique and personalized reading, tailored to your specific needs and concerns. Don’t miss this opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and unlock the mysteries of your Kundali!

1. Importance of Kundali Reading in Vedic Astrology

In the ancient science of Vedic Astrology, a Kundali is more than just a birth chart – it’s a sacred blueprint that holds the secrets of an individual’s destiny. It’s a complex map that reveals the intricate web of planetary positions, their relationships, and the intricate dance of good and bad karma that shape an individual’s life. A Kundali reading is a powerful tool that allows Pandit Ji to decipher the mysteries of the universe and gain insights into an individual’s strengths, weaknesses, and potential.
By analyzing the intricate patterns and symbols on the Kundali, a Pandit Ji can uncover the hidden forces that shape an individual’s life, including the influences of their nakshatras, planets, and gunas. This deep understanding of the cosmic forces at play enables the Pandit Ji to provide personalized guidance, advice, and remedies that can help individuals navigate life’s challenges, overcome obstacles, and achieve their goals.
A Kundali reading is not just a theoretical exercise, but a practical tool that can be used to improve one’s life in countless ways. By understanding the intricate dynamics of their Kundali, individuals can make informed decisions, avoid pitfalls, and tap into their inner potential. It’s a powerful tool that can bring harmony, balance, and fulfillment to one’s life, and is a testament to the timeless wisdom and profound insights of Vedic Astrology.

1. How to Read a Kundali Chart

As you gaze upon the intricate pattern of lines, symbols, and numbers on your kundali chart, you may feel a sense of wonder and awe at the complexity and depth of the ancient art of astrology. But, where do you even begin to decipher the secrets hidden within the chart’s intricate design? How do you unravel the mysteries of your birth chart, and unlock the keys to understanding your personality, strengths, weaknesses, and potential?
The answer lies in the art of reading a kundali chart. It’s a skill that requires patience, attention to detail, and a deep understanding of the nuances of Vedic astrology. Our experienced pandit jis, armed with years of study and expertise, will guide you through the process of reading your kundali chart, providing insights into your life’s journey, and revealing the hidden patterns and influences that shape your destiny.
From the placement of the planets and the relationships between them, to the interpretation of the various houses and their corresponding themes, every aspect of the chart holds a unique significance and story. As you learn to read your kundali chart, you’ll gain a profound understanding of yourself, your motivations, and your place in the universe. And, with the guidance of our expert pandit jis, you’ll be empowered to make informed decisions, navigate life’s challenges, and unlock the full potential of your life.

1. Understanding the Planets and their Roles

The intricate dance of the planets is a fundamental aspect of understanding the mysteries of your kundali. In Vedic astrology, each planet is associated with specific energies, emotions, and characteristics, influencing various aspects of your life. The Sun, for instance, represents the soul and signifies self-awareness, ego, and identity. The Moon, on the other hand, is connected to the subconscious mind, emotions, and intuition. The other planets, including Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Rahu, and Ketu, each have their unique roles and energies, shaping your destiny and life path.
The position of the planets in your kundali, also known as a birth chart, determines the strengths and weaknesses of your astrological profile. Understanding the planetary positions and their relationships can help you uncover the hidden patterns and themes that govern your life. For instance, a strong Sun in your kundali can signify confidence, leadership, and a strong sense of self, while a weak Mercury may indicate communication difficulties or mental fogginess.
In our free Pandit Ji astrology consultations, our expert astrologers will guide you in understanding the complex roles of the planets in your kundali. With their in-depth knowledge and insight, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of your astrological profile, uncover hidden strengths and weaknesses, and receive personalized advice on how to navigate the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.

1. Significance of Rashis and Nakshatras

The ancient art of Kundali reading, a sacred tool that unravels the mysteries of the universe, revealing the intricate dance of celestial bodies and their impact on our lives. Within the intricate web of stars and planets, two fundamental components stand out – Rashis and Nakshatras. These two celestial entities play a crucial role in shaping our destinies, influencing our personalities, and guiding our life’s journey.
Rashis, or signs, are the 12 segments of the zodiac circle, each representing a unique character, trait, and energy. They are like the 12 pillars of the universe, standing tall and strong, guiding our lives through their distinct influences. Each Rashi has its own unique characteristics, from the fiery passion of Leo to the calm and collected nature of Taurus. By understanding our Rashi, we can gain insight into our strengths, weaknesses, and natural tendencies.
Nakshatras, on the other hand, are the 27 lunar mansions that divide the zodiac circle into smaller segments. Each Nakshatra has its own distinct energy, symbol, and significance. They are like the subtle threads that weave together the intricate tapestry of our lives, influencing our emotions, relationships, and spiritual growth. By understanding our Nakshatra, we can gain insight into our emotional inner workings, our capacity for love and relationships, and our spiritual path.
Together, Rashis and Nakshatras form a powerful synergy, revealing the intricate dance of our celestial energies and their impact on our lives. By understanding the significance of Rashis and Nakshatras, we can unlock the mysteries of our Kundali, gaining valuable insights into our life’s journey and the path to self-discovery.

1. How to Identify the Ashtakoot Guna Milan

As you delve deeper into the intricacies of your Kundali, one of the most crucial aspects to understand is the concept of Ashtakoot Guna Milan. This ancient Vedic practice is a crucial component of matchmaking and marriage compatibility, and it’s essential to grasp its significance in determining the harmony and success of your relationships.
Ashtakoot Guna Milan is a complex calculation that evaluates the compatibility of two individuals based on their birth charts, taking into account eight key factors, including the Gunas, Doshas, and Lagna. Each individual is assigned a score based on their unique characteristics, and the resulting sum is used to determine the overall compatibility of the couple.
In this intricate process, the Pandit Ji will consider the dominant Gunas, or qualities, of each individual, such as Sattva, Rajas, and Tamas, and how they interact with each other. The calculation also takes into account the Doshas, or planetary imbalances, and the Lagna, or the Ascendant, which plays a crucial role in determining the individual’s personality, strengths, and weaknesses.
By understanding the Ashtakoot Guna Milan, you’ll gain valuable insights into the potential strengths and challenges of your relationship, allowing you to make informed decisions about your future together. Whether you’re seeking guidance on marriage compatibility or simply looking to deepen your understanding of your partner’s personality, our expert Pandit Ji is here to provide you with personalized guidance and support.

1. Understanding the 12 Houses of the Kundali

As you delve into the intricacies of your Kundali, one of the most crucial aspects to grasp is the concept of the 12 Houses. This ancient Vedic system of astrology is a powerful tool for understanding the complexities of human life, and the 12 Houses are the foundation upon which it is built. Each House represents a specific area of life, from the mundane to the spiritual, and the planets that occupy them play a crucial role in shaping your destiny.
The 1st House, also known as the Lagna, is like the crown of the Kundali, representing the individual’s self-image, personality, and overall life path. The 2nd House is associated with wealth, material possessions, and communication, while the 3rd House is linked to siblings, neighbors, and short journeys.
As we move further into the Kundali, the 4th House is connected to the family, emotions, and the subconscious mind, while the 5th House is associated with creativity, children, and romantic relationships. The 6th House is concerned with health, work, and daily routines, and the 7th House is linked to marriage, partnerships, and relationships.
The 8th House is often referred to as the “House of Transformation” and is associated with rebirth, spiritual growth, and the unknown. The 9th House is connected to higher knowledge, travel, and spirituality, while the 10th House is linked to career, reputation, and public image. The 11th House is concerned with friendships, community, and humanitarian pursuits, and the 12th House is associated with the subconscious mind, spirituality, and the collective unconscious.
Understanding the 12 Houses of your Kundali is like unlocking a treasure chest of secrets and insights. By grasping the complex relationships between the planets and the Houses, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your place in the world.

1. The Role of Planetary Positions and Transits

The ancient art of Kundali astrology, also known as Janam Patri, is a complex and intricate system that reveals the secrets of our destiny and the cosmic forces that shape our lives. At the heart of this mystical practice lies the intricate dance of planetary positions and transits, which play a crucial role in determining the course of our lives. The positions of the planets at the exact time and place of our birth, as recorded on our birth chart or Kundali, hold the key to understanding our personality, strengths, weaknesses, and potential.
The movement of the planets, as they transit through the zodiac, also has a profound impact on our lives. Their positions can influence our emotions, relationships, career, and overall well-being. For instance, a planetary transit can bring about a period of stability and growth, or it can trigger a series of challenges and upheavals. By understanding the significance of planetary positions and transits, one can gain valuable insights into the unfolding of their life journey.
Through our free Pandit Ji astrology consultations, we offer a unique opportunity to unravel the mysteries of your Kundali and gain a deeper understanding of the celestial forces that shape your life. Our expert astrologers will guide you through the intricate web of planetary positions and transits, helping you to identify areas of strength and weakness, and providing personalized guidance to navigate the twists and turns of your life journey.

1. How to Interpret a Kundali Chart

The intricate web of stars and planets that has been intricately woven into the fabric of your life – your Kundali chart is a window to the mysteries that lie within. Like a treasure map, it holds the secrets to your personality, strengths, and weaknesses, revealing the hidden patterns that govern your destiny. But, deciphering this complex code requires a guiding light, a sage who can unlock the mysteries and reveal the truths hidden within the lines.
With our expert Pandit Ji’s guidance, you’ll embark on a journey of self-discovery, as you delve into the depths of your Kundali chart. Our team of experienced astrologers will walk you through the intricacies of your birth chart, highlighting the key areas of your life that are influenced by the positions of the planets and stars.
Together, we’ll explore the dynamic relationships between the planets, their aspects, and their influences on your life. From the placement of your Sun and Moon to the positions of your Venus and Mars, every detail will be analyzed to reveal the hidden patterns that shape your destiny.
Our Pandit Ji’s expertise will help you understand the intricate dance of the planets, and how they impact your life, relationships, and career. You’ll gain valuable insights into your personality, strengths, and weaknesses, and discover the hidden potential that lies within you.
So, take the first step towards unlocking the secrets of your Kundali chart, and embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Book your free WhatsApp consultation with our expert Pandit Ji today, and discover the mysteries that lie within your birth chart.

1. Free Consultations: How to Get Your Kundali Read

Imagine having a window to the universe, a map that reveals the secrets of your destiny, and a guide that helps you navigate the twists and turns of life. This is what your Kundali, or birth chart, holds. But, deciphering its intricacies can be a daunting task, especially for those new to the world of astrology. That’s where our expert Pandit Ji comes in – with a wealth of knowledge and experience, he is ready to unlock the mysteries of your Kundali, offering free consultations to help you understand its hidden messages.
During your free consultation, our Pandit Ji will use his vast knowledge of Vedic astrology to analyze your Kundali, revealing the positions of planets and their influences on your life. He will delve into the intricate details of your chart, uncovering strengths, weaknesses, and potential opportunities for growth. With his expert guidance, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of your personality, strengths, and vulnerabilities, as well as the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific life issue, such as relationships, career, or health, or simply looking to gain a deeper understanding of yourself, our free consultations are the perfect starting point. With our expert Pandit Ji, you’ll embark on a journey of self-discovery, empowered to make informed decisions and navigate the complexities of life with confidence.

1. WhatsApp Consultations: A New Era of Kundali Readings

The ancient art of astrology has always been shrouded in mystery, with seekers of truth and wisdom often having to navigate the complexities of palm readings and star charts to gain a deeper understanding of their destiny. But what if we told you that the mystique of Kundali readings is no longer reserved for the initiated few? With the advent of WhatsApp, the world of Kundali readings has evolved, and we are thrilled to introduce our innovative solution: free Pandit Ji astrology consultations, accessible at your fingertips.
Imagine being able to tap into the wisdom of a revered Pandit Ji, expert in the intricacies of Vedic astrology, and receive personalized guidance on your life’s journey. With our WhatsApp consultations, you can now do just that. Our team of experienced Pandit Jis will guide you through a comprehensive reading of your Kundali, revealing hidden patterns and energies that shape your life. From understanding your strengths and weaknesses to uncovering potential life-changing opportunities, our consultations will provide you with a profound understanding of your cosmic blueprint.
By leveraging the power of WhatsApp, we have made it possible for anyone, anywhere in the world, to access the wisdom of the ancient Vedic tradition. No more need to travel to distant ashrams or wait for weeks to receive a consultation – our free WhatsApp consultations are just a message away. So, take the first step towards unlocking the mysteries of your Kundali, and discover the transformative power of astrology in your life.

1. Benefits of Free Pandit Ji Astrology Consultations

The art of astrology has been a revered and ancient practice in Indian culture, offering individuals a profound understanding of their life’s journey, personality, and future. By unlocking the secrets of one’s kundali, or birth chart, individuals can gain valuable insights into their strengths, weaknesses, and potential. In this era of rapid change and uncertainty, seeking the guidance of a learned pandit ji can provide a sense of clarity and direction.
The benefits of free pandit ji astrology consultations are multifaceted. Not only do they offer a unique opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of one’s life, but they also provide a chance to receive personalized advice and guidance from a wise and experienced pandit ji. With a free consultation, individuals can gain a better understanding of their:
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I made good friends with a 23 year old (I'm 34) and got swept up in what seemed like overt obvious flirting and became limerent so I told her and it completely weirded her out. After awhile we got to a point where we were cool again and sort of wound the friendship back to where it worked, but tonight I asked her whether I could hear her side of what happened, and long story short she told me she likes women and most people can sort of tell.
This has happened enough times where I realize I have a pattern of getting way into it with sporty, weirdo tomboy chicks who do things like not shave their legs or have intoxicating BO (I know, weird) and then eventually realizing they're basically skinny, pretty, dorky lesbians.
Sure, I like feminine women who, you know, shower, but I have a weird animal lust for these amazon gay girls and it feels like such an L to have gone through that emotional roller coaster for the third time at this point in my life. Everyone knows there's a phenomenon of women who tend to catch feelings for guys who turn out to be gay, but has this been known to happen the other way? What does it all mean?

“I can’t do this anymore” has become my mantra lately. Repeating over and over in my mind.
I really just can’t do any of this anymore. I work so hard and never will achieve any results. I don’t trust anyone in my life, and no one loves me. I am constantly anxious and I am constantly let down.
I find it hard to cope with the cyclical patterns of life and the up and down periods. I don’t want to do things anymore. I don’t want to go to work, or do chores, or work on projects, or exercise. I don’t want to eat or piss or breathe or anything. It’s all just too much and it’s useless. I don’t want to go outside and I don’t want to go inside. I’m just so tired. I don’t want to feel these anxious feelings inside me anymore. I hate every part about myself.
I know this sounds frightening, but I actually have a lust for life and want to continue living. I want to experience things. I think life as a whole is beautiful. Despite these feelings, I am a high functioning person. I get up everyday and do it all. I have good friendships. I’m doing well in school. I’m hitting most of the benchmarks I need to be. I could probably have a relationship if I tried.
I just don’t want to continue right now. I don’t want to be myself or continue to feel these things in my body. Tired, distracted, frustrated.
The worst feeling to me though is being too high. Too giddy, too energetic. It’s like I have all of this energy in my body that I have to let out, but can’t. I feel like this mostly socializing with others or when I’m alone at night.
I don’t want to be restless anymore. I just want to be calm.

In my 30s and I’m trying to work this out: I am a disorganized attachment style person, which means that I have trouble staying alone and want fairly close relationships, but when relationships comes and deepens, I push these relationships away and then worry endlessly about people don’t like me enough.
It’s not obvious when I was younger when I was surrounded by same age peers. Now years later most of my peers married and enter family. They either keep social circle very small or they drift apart.
I heard that the best way to deal with disorganized attachment is by staying in a non-toxic environment & attaching with secure attachment people. But how can I find such relationships/friendships when my peers are all having their life somewhere else? Also I’m currently living in a small area where social as adults is extremely challenging. Maintaining relationships with people outside of my area triggers disorganized attachment patterns a lot. And I do not see a quick way to establish meaningful relationships given my age and living situations.
Anyone has experience in this and can share?

Another messy junk drawer lot! Gold and more gold, something for every Panda 🐼
14 Photos: https://imgur.com/a/Z5atA9V
SECURITY: I do not give out passwords. I have secured my login with 2FA and suggest you do the same!
— ✨ Chain & Bracelet ✨ —

• 1. 14K Yellow Gold Diamond Cut Rope Chain - Solid links, diamond cut accents. Welded gold and secured ends. Necklace is about 22” inches long, and 3mm thick. Weighs about 19.2 grams. $880
  
• 2. 14K Cuban Curb Link Bracelet - Nice piece that doesn’t weigh too much, or too little. Conservative and clean cuts along the links so it’s not too flashy, but makes a statement. Links are about 6.5mm wide, and is 8 1/2” inches long. Weighs 24.6 grams.
  

— ✨ Rings (Left to Right) ✨ —

• 3. 14K Yellow Gold Round Plain Band - Classic round band! Size is a 8, and about 4.5mm in width. Weight is approximately 4.5 grams. SOLD
  
• 1. 14K Yellow Gold Square Edged Band Ring - Near piece, with an abstract twist from traditional bands! Size is a 8.5, and about 6mm in width. Weighs approx 4.9 grams. $220 (below spot!)
• 1. 14K Two Tone Yellow & White Gold Art Pattern Band - I don’t know, pretty cool design! White gold base, and yellow gold on top. Size 10.5, and weighs about 5.1 grams. $225 (below spot!)
• 1. 10K Traditional Double Band - Looks like two rings in one, beveled inside for comfortable fit. Inside is inscribed in Latin “Virtus Junxit Mors Non Separabit”. Ring is size 11 1/2 or 12, and 6mm in width. Weighs about 5.8 grams. $255 (below spot!)

— ✨ Pendant & Bezels ✨ —

• 1. 14K Ships Wheel Pendant - Pretty cool nautical piece, small inscription on back. Approximately 1 1/4” X 7/8” inches tall/wide. Weighs about 3.3 grams. $140 (below spot!)
• 1. 14K Yellow Gold $5 Indian Half Eagle Bezel - Screw top design, with a custom heavy duty pinned large bale for chains up 4-5mm thick. Nice rope design along edge. Weighs about 3.8 grams. $180

At time of posting Gold Price: $2414.40
Shipping: $4 flat rate! Everything ships via USPS with tracking. I aim to ship same or next day when possible. Only exceptions are weekends, holidays, and class days (usually Wednesday & Thurs).
Payments: Cash or Venmo! For Venmo (Preferred!) please no notes in comments. Emojis 🤩 are fine!
Last words: I’ve tried to describe everything to the best of my knowledge, if there’s a need for correction please let me know! My weights are approximate on the scale, purities have been tested. Finally, once I ship - liability ends. However, I will always help where I can! Pandas rule the world, secretly. 🐼
SECURITY: I do not give out passwords. I have secured my login with 2FA and suggest you do the same!

My partner (29F) and I (27M) have an 8-month-old daughter. Against my wishes, my partner chose her friend (28F) as our daughter's godparent. Due to the friend's toxic behavior, which my partner fails to see, I told my partner that her friend is no longer our daughter’s godparent. The friend embarrassed my partner at her birthday party which lingers in my mind constantly as it is a constant pattern her friend has done for the past 15 years since they have been friends. This thought lead to the decision to remove her friend from our daughter’s life. Now AITA because I offered my partner $1,000 to spend with another friend, excluding the bully friend. My partner and any friend get $250, and the remaining $500 is for my daughter and her friends child/children. This is to avoid the visit with the toxic friend who my partner travels an hour away to visit where 50% of the time she complains when she’s home and wants to have a cry after which I don’t find normal.
Additional information: I have tried explaining to my partner how I see her friend as a bully and she admits her friend is bad, but still wants that connection and she doesn’t know why and neither do I. My partners family hates her friend because of situation in high school where her friend teased my partner, isolated her from her other friends, and spread some gossip to other people in her year group which embarrassed my partner. They didn’t attempt to stop the friendship though and just acknowledge it’s there.

I feel I have lost my joy in life because of my current life pattern.
Every day feels the same to me, as I have had this routine for more than 6 months now… From Mon-Fri, I work from 8-5 at my office job and then go to grad school’s classes. I don’t club, smoke, or drink a lot. On the weekends, I work at my business from 7-6 and try to get some workout when I’m off work.
Even though I’m involved in a lot of activities, I can’t really develop a friendship… I stopped putting in effort connecting with people, because whenever I reached out to invite people for dinner or lunch, I always get rejected politely. I’m not sure if I’m giving off any unfriendly vibe or something, but if I’m able to develop a friendship with someone, that’d be amazing. I just spent most of my time alone at gym, coffee shop, or museum trips😞
I would appreciate if someone could help me with some advice on this : )

In my 30s and I’m trying to work this out: I am a disorganized attachment style person, which means that I have trouble staying alone and want fairly close relationships, but when relationships comes and deepens, I push these relationships away and then worry endlessly about people don’t like me enough.
It’s not obvious when I was younger when I was surrounded by same age peers. Now years later most of my peers married and enter family. They either keep social circle very small or they drift apart.
I heard that the best way to deal with disorganized attachment is by staying in a non-toxic environment & attaching with secure attachment people. But how can I find such relationships/friendships when my peers are all having their life somewhere else? Also I’m currently living in a small area where social as adults is extremely challenging. Maintaining relationships with people outside of my area triggers disorganized attachment patterns a lot. And I do not see a quick way to establish meaningful relationships given my age and living situations.
Anyone has experience in this and can share?

Hey guys, I'm writing this post as I think I've ran into a wall/bump in my journey that I don't think I can get over myself. I've been suffering for quite a while now (~10 months) and after a long long time of barely any progress, I feel like I'm actually making steps at my goal of getting better at life for greater enjoyment for myself and the people around me. I've had to learn many different basic concepts like the different types of desire such as pleasure and duty, and that the intellect and emotion are separate, even learning about the root chakra and being able to pinpoint it allowed me to better my lethargy.
When I was young, I used to go outside to play with the other kids who lived in our street. I wasn't necessarily close to them as friends and didn't know them that well as people and didn't really know how to talk to them. I don't know why, but I made up for it by doing dumb shit and being silly like climbing trees or finding some kind of external activity and covering it up my with excitement to hide the awkward feeling I was feeling at the time, that would then haunt me for the rest of my life. I was an annoying kid. I don't remember much what it was exactly that I did but, when the other kids got tired of my shenanigans, I would just keep going as that was the only way I knew how to communicate. This ended up giving me the reputation of the "danger child" in our neighborhood (there were 4 other kids from different houses) which led to their parents not allowing me in their yard to play with them. I don't remember exactly how I felt but I think I was mostly unbothered. But I have very distinct memories of watching the other kids play in their yard from the other side of the fence. I definitely felt isolated and cast out and I think some anger as well because if they wanted to let me in, they could and would. They just had to ask their parents. But they didn't, and they rubbed it in my face too. To which I was kinda like wtf but it's okay because I didn't take it personally and had no problems 'leaving/detaching' them since I wasn't close with them anyways. I wasn't attached. Nor did I know how to form attachments.
This inability to form attachments has followed me throughout my entire life like some kind of ghost. When I first started school, at the age of 7 (I just turned 7, the other kids were gonna turn 8), I still didn't know how to form attachments. I had a few friends and were part of a friend group (there were 5 of us), and I wasn't necessarily as close with those people as I think there was potential for it to be. We all played games, there was some of us who played Minecraft but I played different minigames than them (I played PVP stuff, they played survival/factions stuff). They sometimes came over and joined me in skywars but I rarely did the same. They kept asking me to join them and play survival with them but I kept saying no. Sometimes I gave in to the pressure and ended up not enjoying it because I didn't understand the game. I only saw the game aspect and didn't even take a moment to consider the friendship aspect of the session. There was no desire in me to, and my little young grinding PVP self never knew it existed either.
This inability to form attachments lead to me being bullied for a lot of my school life where I was the 'isolated lonely kid' in classes that I didn't have any friends in. The bullying itself wasn't too extreme because I would fight back but it was a constant struggle for peace while constantly feeling out of place and isolated. Around 13-14, being the isolated lonely kid eventually led to pretty strong social anxiety in secondary school to which I dealt with via suppressing and intellectualizing the situation, constantly telling myself "They don't care, they're not paying attention to you", "it's all in your head and you know it" etc... I constantly feel like I have to 'perform' around people, make jokes and be silly etc..., to keep them close. Sort of how a twitch streamer has to constantly entertain their chat to keep the viewers. Otherwise, I have nothing to offer, we just end up sitting in silence unless I do my silly act. It's like my brain is incapable of having a conversation with somebody because there is nothing I can offer. I have nothing to say.
I realised around 19 (I'm 20 now) that an interaction requires two different people going back and forth, both sharing their inner worlds. But I always struggled with feeling emotion and exploring my inner world, as well as feeling the desire to interact and forming attachments to things. I always looked at people with lives rich of emotion, no matter if it's good or bad (sadness, happiness, excitement, heartbreak) with jealousy. I thought that was just how I was born and that's it. But Dr K has shown me that is not the case, he showed me a new world, the inner world. I have since been exploring the inner world, and I have come to realize, that I do not feel. Not as much as I'd like to. I cannot see the beauty of philosophy, the expressive nature of art, the messages from the little things in life that are shown in poetry, and I do not know why. I managed to do it once, see the beauty of life, which was when I checked out about Dr K and found a new job, the people were very supportive, it took me a while before I felt comfortable (~6 months) but eventually I ended up loving them and having a great time. That was when I worked at it super hard, and finally managed to see the beauty of life, could talk to any stranger, and felt hopeful for the future. It was through emotion. And ever since I left that job, it has not been the same. I lost this beautiful experience of life that I finally managed to acquire, the one that I was so jealous of, and haven't been able to get it back since. Thing is, I know it's there, I know the beauty is out there, so I've been making efforts to get it back.
It's been so difficult because nobody seems to feel "not neurotic enough" or a lack of emotion, and all the emotional issues are to do with feeling too much and how to deal with upcoming emotions. Fortunately, I've found and started reading a book called "The Tao of Feeling" and even though I'm a few pages in (my mind for some reason was resistant to reading the book), the quotes and the contents of the book for some reason move some kind of string in my heart. It talks about parental neglect and how it leads to stunting of the child's emotional growth due to not meeting their emotional needs. I never really thought of that as the cause of the problems in my life (because the problem is my inability :P), and I don't recall much from my childhood apart from that I didn't really have other kids to play with no matter if they were around me or not. My mom is pretty explosive and shouts quite a lot. Always mad, always shouting, guilt-tripping during discussions, never taking responsibility etc... She's known for her 'character' in the family and everyone is scared to go against her. She has multiple issues of herself but never shows any of that as she doesn't want to be seen weak. She's not a bad person though, she tries her best but the pattern is recurring. The fact that I had to deal with mom's strong character paired with social anxiety and other parts of my growing up have led me to develop a protective mechanism where I can just 'close' my heart on command. Sort of like detaching myself from a situation/person at will. I finally mastered the act of "not caring" that I strived for so much during my school days.
I've pondered this a bit and realized that all of my issues, lack of emotions, inability to form attachments, and even purpose and motivation issues lead to the same source. The struggle to see the internal world and the closing of the heart. I'm unable to tell how 'deep' a certain thought or an emotion is, I struggle to differentiate between the surface and deep emotions. Today I asked myself the question "If I start a new job, and was presented with a person right now in front of me, what would we talk about?", and nothing came up. Nothing. But when I presented the question as "If I start a new job, and wanted to make somebody feel better, what would we talk about?" And it instantly came up. I knew exactly what to do. When given a goal, I know how to fulfill it. Then I asked myself, "Why would you interact with somebody? For what reason?" And nothing came up. Again. When asking this, I got a sensation in my heart and it felt like it was blocked. There is a want inside my heart but the desire is not. I think I identified the issue but I do not know how to go about it. This is the wall that I've ran into.
My question is, how does one open their heart? For themselves, and the people around them? Any help would be appreciated and I was wondering if Dr K has any thoughts on this. Sorry, long post. But I feel like this info was necessary. And if you guys have any further questions, feel free to ask. Thank you :)