I feel like im at a dead end. I dont see a way out of my current situation without becoming homeless which i cant imagine while dealing with chronic health issues and daily headaches. Both my parents have threatened suicide repeatedly and ive given up trying to support them since ive been emotionally neglected my entire life.
Ive dealt with long bouts of suicidal ideation but never had the push to do it and i feel like im on the edge of making a bad decision. I still have goals and plans id like to pursue but with my health and living situation i just cant see a way out. My insane father had an outburst today because im having a rough pain day so that made him think we need to talk about a suicide pact for the hundredth time and i finally lost my shit this time and told him to stop fucking pushing suicide on to me. Ive had to be the emotionally mature one my entire life and im tired of it. I have no one to reach out to and im tried of being a punching bag for my parents.
I dont want to die at all but i can’t fathom how i can get out of this situation without my parents dying first. I feel guilty about it but im to the point where i want them both to kill themselves so i can move on with my life as terrible as that sounds. I feel so held back and just want the freedom to continue fighting for my health and for a future for myself. Ive reached a point where if they start talking about suicide over something minor then im just going to agree with them that its the right solution since its the only solution they can ever think of. I feel terrible saying that but shouldn’t nt they feel something for repeatedly pushing suicidal thoughts and ideation on me?
If my health wasn’t nt a factor they would have been out of my life years ago with NC and i hope to reach a stable enough point financially and health-wise to go NC assuming they are still around.
Im scared to leave my room to get food or water with how my dad was speaking earlier. I worry he will kill me and then himself and same with my mom (divorced). Im planning on sleeping in my car tonight once my dad goes to sleep so i can feel some sense of safety and security being alone.

My wife and I bought our house in 2020. Our air conditioner has the main air handler in the attic, since it was installed before the previous owner switched from fuel oil to natural gas. This air handler is 25 years old. Since the year we bought the house, I have had to patch the PVC drain tube that runs the ENTIRE length of our attic (50's ranch home) every. Single. Spring. Due to cracking. It requires a ninja-like ability to climb into the attic, as well as the skills of a contortionist to wiggle through the extremely tight attic.
Well yesterday, I, with the help of a friend, decided to run brand-new drain tubing since I was sick of patching it every year. 4 hours, 6 beers, and much sweating and swearing later, the old, brittle PVC was out, and the new drain tube was in. I could finally sit back and enjoy air conditioning. I was overjoyed. After having the AC on all afternoon, I went out to check the drain tube before bed last night and found zero moisture escaping it. "How could that be?" I wondered as I mentally retraced my steps of installation. I decided to make it a tomorrow problem and shut the AC off for the night.
I woke up this morning, and after a coffee and a smoke, hoisted myself back into my Attic, which was approximately hot enough to cook thanksgiving dinner, and took another look. The drain tube was connected and seemingly ok, but the drip tray was full of water. Turns out the main drain was clogged at the air handler, the PVC didn't actually crack this year. Go figure.
After a quick trip to the local hardware store, I climbed back into that which I can only assume resembles what hell might be like, armed with a small pipe auger and a can of compressed air. After much swearing, a knot on my head from whacking it on a beam, and my wife's concern for my mental health, I am happy to report my air conditioner is now working (and draining) properly. I need a beer.
TLDR: Attic-Mounted air hander antics.

electrical contractor here.
San Francisco, Bay Area.
just wondering what you guys are doing when it comes to estimating.
We pretty much stick to new installs solar, Tesla power walls, sub panel change out main panel change outs, car, chargers, etc.
Each one of those has a fixed cost i.e. we charge $800 for a car charger install within 20 feet of the main panel.
We charge $6500 for a main panel upgrade
. We charge 15 K for a power wall install.
These are all sort of set prices and we stick to them. And some jobs have better margins than others. We just see it as a portfolio approach.
we advertise for these services as such and that’s what the phone calls we get are for.
That’s not our bag. and we’re just so busy doing these we can’t send a tech out unless he’s going out there to do the actual job.
But I still get people saying that they want us to come out to the house for an estimate. and we’re just so busy we can’t send a tech out. because that tech could either be doing a job installing a $15,000 power wall or driving an hour to somebody’s house who has no business unless he’s going out there to do the actual job. making this kind of and is just slightly curious on how it works.
So I’m wondering if anybody else is doing it like this. Just give a flat quote over the phone for new installs and are they seeing success?
I get why most of us say they can’t do it over the phone, but typically that’s because they need to troubleshoot something or fix something. But our business is new installs. And we pretty know what’s gonna go into each one in terms of time and material.
Would really like to know everybody’s take. By the way, this is my first time posting here. Glad I found other people that can feel my pain lol.

I am seeking someone with whom I can engage in deep conversations, exchanging thoughts on how we live our lives, our perspectives, and what we make of existence as we await our inevitable demise. I am looking for someone whose outlook on life aligns with mine, with whom we can collectively find the best way to live out our allotted time. Together, we will share our plans and goals, discussing our understanding of various matters.
I would be delighted if you, upon deciding to write to me, could explain why you chose to do so and share a bit about yourself, to streamline our initial conversations.
Some of my reflections and views on life: - I've come to realize that happiness for me won't come from having a big house, an expensive car, or even a family. Happiness, for me, lies in improving people's lives. Eventually, I'll die (like everyone else), and if I only live for myself, it would be meaningless—everything will go with me to the grave. But if I create something that improves people's lives, something that remains even after I'm gone, it gives meaning to my own life and brings me hope and happiness. I'm willing to dedicate my life to this, to improving the lives of others. - I'm interested in philosophy not just as a hobby, but as a necessity for determining the direction of life and how to approach it, understanding what to do in this life. - I often ponder the meaning of life in the face of inevitable death (because what comes after death greatly influences what to do with life). - I'm interested in what to do in life and how to spend it. The typical scenario of finding a job with good pay, buying a house, starting a family, retiring, and dying doesn't appeal to me (but I don't have anything against it). If you resonate with these sentiments, I eagerly await your response.

Hi, I'd like to start with introducing myself. I'm 24F and Last year this time of the year, I was dating a guy who was a follower of the red pill community. We were in a long distance relationship and met only a few times. The relationship was about 8-9 Months long. For people who are not aware about it, Red pill community is a group of guys that blame females for all there problems and they feel that females are privileged and hence, They've always have an upper hand and have ruined their life by taking away their opportunities and what now.
I wasnt aware what i was getting myself into but I want to make others aware. So I'll talk about the various "red flags" of my relationship and how it affected me. I am not longer in a relationship with that guys.

1. Guy Friends: We meet online and his initial communication never showed any hatred for women as such. He seemed interested in me and quickly asked me to date him as well. He would often "praise" that I had no guy friends which was a "green flag". (In reality I had no friends, let alone male friends.) He said girls with boyfriends should not have guy friends. Its disrespectful to the boyfriend. Even thou, He has a female best friend. I took this lightly. Later in our relationship, he made me unfollow a bunch of guys on instagram. They were former classmates and colleagues. I'd not met most of them for years and months. He would often ask me if my dad had female friends or if my mom had male friends and when I would say no. He would say, See because one shouldnt friends of opposite gender
   
2. Clubbing: He hated girls who were open about their sexuality and would call them names. He said girls in a relationship should not go to clubs as thats a "hoe" place to be in. I remember fighting to go to a club when an old friend was visiting me and she wanted to go to one of our fave clubs from our college days. He said he is disappointed in me and that going to clubs with a single friend is the worst as she might try to hook up with guys and I'll be left alone and then someone will hookup with me. He said and I quote "I will not leave my car in a shady areas and pray to god that it doesnt get stolen. It's my mistake I went there at the first place." I ended up going to a bar instead of a club. He made me feel really bad about that as well later.
   
3. Content: After the 2nd month he would send me red pill youtube and reddit content to normalize such preaching and thats when things really got out of hand because I didnt know what to believe and what not to. I thought maybe I was delusional my whole life and that this is the "reality of the world" where women are these "ruthless" beings. (He said I was special because I was trying to make myself aware about it). He specifically showed and talked about this one story where the wife cheats on her husband because he's always busy at work (He said the poor guy is working his ass off for the family and the wife is so ungrateful) The wife cheats and marries her boyfriend and takes the kid and the guy's money and what not. I'm not saying cheating is good but the interruption of every story led to the same conclusion that women are bad. He said this is the reality. I started questioning myself more and more as I got trapped in the red-pill community.
   
4. Future: He was very sure about our future and said that he wanted me to be his wife. He said he doesnt want me to work. Females should stay at home cook and clean and take care of the babies. He said it would hurt him to see me work as he's the man of the house.
   
5. Comments on Body: I'm overweight atm but when I was dating him I used to be in better shape. He said He likes that I take care of my body and anything else would be a disrespect to the person you are dating. One should always look like how they looked when they first started dating. One shouldnt "let go" of their body. He used to go to the gym and would insist that I go to. Later in the relationship towards the end, I started my masters and Couldnt be active. The relationship was taking a toll on me as well and I started gaining weight. He would comment on it. I would share photos with him and the first comment would always be like "you look thin in this" or " Oh! In picture toh you look fine only " He did motivate me to go to the gym which i was grateful about but at that point I only went to make him happy and not because I actually wanted to go.
   

These were some of the red flags I could think about. He cheated on me. He had been cheating the last 3 Months of our relationship. He initially broke up saying I had gained weight and he wasnt attracted to me and also because he couldnt see any future in our LDR. Later he confessed that he had been cheating on me and left me because he started getting physical with the other girl and it was no longer "just talking". He said I was trying to get rid of me for a while but I never let him leave. All in All. It ended. It took me quite some thing to realize how I was brainwashed into accepting a whole new reality masked as ' I love you thats why I'm helping you understand the real world'.
I have trust issues (ofc!) and It's been hard to undo the damage. I started dated a new guy recently and caught myself saying You cant have girl best friends and it broke my heart later when I realized. Its a long healing path for me. If any of you are experiencing something similar, Please be aware.

I 22 (M) have been paying $300 a month into an IUL for exactly 3 years. I have put about $11k into it so far but wont be able to access any of it for at least another 3 years and it will only be a very low cash out amount that will gradually grow annually (but doesn’t look like it will even out to what I’ve put into it until i’m in my 40s).
I make ~$75k annually (~$120k household with fiancés income) we are talking about how to go about buying our first house within the next few years so far (~$20k saved between the two of us). I don’t NEED the extra $300 a month and have been doing fine without it but I know it could go towards more saving and paying off my car loan.
I feel like the IUL realistically won’t benefit me until I’m in my late 40s and feel like this extra $11k would’ve sped up the rate of buying a house for us.
Do I cut my losses, cancel my IUL and lose the $11k so I can ideally buy a house sooner or am I too far in and should I just stick with it?

I 22 (M) have been paying $300 a month into an IUL for exactly 3 years. I have put about $11k into it so far but wont be able to access any of it for at least another 3 years and it will only be a very low cash out amount that will gradually grow annually (but doesn’t look like it will even out to what I’ve put into it until i’m in my 40s).
I make ~$75k annually (~$120k household with fiancés income) we are talking about how to go about buying our first house within the next few years so far (~$20k saved between the two of us). I don’t NEED the extra $300 a month and have been doing fine without it but I know it could go towards more saving and paying off my car loan.
I feel like the IUL realistically won’t benefit me until I’m in my late 40s and feel like this extra $11k would’ve sped up the rate of buying a house for us.
Do I cut my losses, cancel my IUL and lose the $11k so I can ideally buy a house sooner or am I too far in and should I just stick with it?

The title, basically. Throwaway account because I'm pretty sure he's in this sub. TLDR at bottom.
I've been with my boyfriend for coming on two years now, and he has always been EXTREMELY cagey about his teeth from the beginning. Initially, I thought it was because they were a little bugs bunny-esque, but as I spent more time with him I realised that they were pretty yellow and I could see some tartar deposits on the front of his bottom teeth. Kinda gross, but I could just about overlook it as I never really noticed his breath being that smelly since he chewed gum and didn't open his mouth that wide when he spoke.
Cut to now...oh my god. His breath is genuinely unbearable. Like, there is morning breath and then there is whatever this is. I don't even have to be particularly close to him or facing him to smell his breath if he is just talking. I've started to pay more attention to his brushing habits, and I'll admit that when I stay over at his place I'll occasionally forget to brush my teeth at night, but he almost never does.
A few months ago, I saw his electric toothbrush charging and then I saw it again the following weekend in the EXACT SAME POSITION a whole week later. I asked him why it hadn't moved and he said that he just used his other toothbrush but I'm calling BS. Even in the mornings, I'm not entirely sure that he brushes them, rather just swills a bit of mouthwash around and calls it a day and it is starting to make me feel repulsed. He's WFH most of the time, but sometimes I'll meet him in our city for lunch and it is just so clear that he hasn't brushed...it embarrasses me to think that his coworkers and friends are 100% victim to smelling it, too. In the mornings, I'll ask him to brush his teeth before he kisses me and whilst it does smell mintier, the underlying smell of grossness is still very much there and I feel awful telling him he still smells. His typical excuse is usually that he's just had a coffee or he's hungry...neither of which account for the garbage truck smell emanating from his mouth. I should probably mention that he's a glutton for energy drinks, weed, smoking (socially), and vaping.
The cherry on the cake was riding next to him in the car...as he was speaking, I caught a glimpse into his mouth and I swear I saw the biggest build-up of this yellow shit on the back of his teeth. Calculus or tartar I guess? I only saw it for a couple of seconds but it looked like it was almost as far back as going under his tongue. I have not been able to stop thinking about it, both from an "oh my god, I kiss this man and that's what's in his mouth" perspective, and an "oh my god, this poor man's teeth are going to fall out of his head". He's also got a thing for spitting in my mouth during sex which I have just had to stop altogether because the thought of it makes me gag.
I know that his teeth are a point of insecurity for him. He's explained to me that he didn't take care of them as a child, his parents never enforced healthy hygiene habits in that way, and as a teen, he went through depression and stopped looking after them altogether. He also is deathly afraid of the dentist due to negative experiences as a child and nothing I say will convince him to go. I don't think he's seen a dentist since he was around 13. He says he brushes twice a day now and has done for many years, but I just don't think that amount of build-up (and smell) can happen if that's true! I know he's embarrassed about it, he gets pretty clammy when I say his breath smells and he NEVER smiles with his teeth.
I've tried to convince him to come to the dentist with me, that I'll be in the room with him if he's feeling anxious, and that we'll find a dentist who caters to nervous patients, but I'm no closer to getting him to book that appointment. I've explained that it's not only his teeth but his wider health that he's damaging but it falls on deaf ears. He has healthcare so some of the cost would be covered, but I dread to think how much work he'll need. I think he knows the severity of the situation and is afraid of what's going to happen so is burying his head in the sand.
Ultimately, I'm becoming less and less interested in being intimate with him. Even a quick peck requires me to hold my breath, and I'm tired of timing my breathing with his when we lay together just to avoid having to smell his nasty breath. I'm also seriously concerned for his oral health...even if he did go get his teeth cleaned I'm not entirely sure he'd have any left after they scrape all the crap away since it's probably the only thing holding them in his mouth.
He is PERFECT otherwise, the sweetest, funniest, most thoughtful guy ever and he is a fantastic partner. My friends, my mom, strangers, everyone loves him. He's also extremely clean and takes his personal hygiene seriously in every other aspect so I do not know what the disconnect is here with his oral health. I don't want to break up with him over this, but I am beyond grossed out by him for this. How can I get him to take his health seriously and understand that it is going to damage our relationship long term?
TLDR: My boyfriend's teeth are covered in calculus and his breath stinks; it's making me worried for his health and our relationship is starting to really suffer because I'm disgusted. How can I get him to go to the dentist and take care of this problem?

yes, I know it's impractical, and in 99% of cases I would be better off buying the 2.0 or 2.7 sport version since engine swapping modern cars is a bitch to do, but I bought this car with the intent of having it as a nice car for a few months to a year, then making it a project, and there's not exactly a whole lot you can do to the 1.5 ecoboost without it exploding due to the thinner cylinder walls and it being a small engine, and I know the ford fusion is already designed to also work with the 2.0 and 2.7. So I intend to source a 2.0 ecoboost or a 2.7 ecoboost (hopefully the 2.7 but I know that would be a lot more work going from an inline 4 to a V6, and any other parts that I would need to make it work, and doing it. I don't want a step by step guide on how to do this, because I have done my fair share of engine swaps before, but I want to know, if possible, all of the parts I would need to swap out to make the engine go in as clean as possible, I know I would need a new transmission, because the bolt patterns are different, likely a new ECU or at the very least a completely different tune for it, new engine mounts (I already know where to get those), probably a new wiring harness if I go with the 2.7 V6, is there anything else I would need? I love this car, so it's done the first part of its job quite well, and I want to make sure that whenever I decide to do this swap, I don't unintentionally make it unusable.
​
Sorry for the long post, TL;DR: I know it's impractical, but what specific things would I need to do an engine swap.

I went on a hiking trip Sunday night and these are all of the things I pushed myself through:

• Possibly heard two different people vomiting and passed by someone who definitely had been
• Went on an airplane and sat next to strangers
• Ate a deli meat and mayo sandwich that was out for hours without proper refrigeration
• Touched and ate food without properly washing my hands
• Ate chicken that was cooked in a pan with bacon fat and bits of bacon that had sat out all day
• Still went on an all day hike after feeling extremely ill in the morning and ate regularly while on a hike far away from any amenities (8 miles to even get back to our car)
• Ate airport food
• Shared water bottles with my family when they aren't as hygienic as me
• Drank mountain water out of a LifeStraw without doing any research

Writing all this out makes me realize just how much i've done and how far i've pushed my comfort zones, I'm really proud of myself! I did use phobic crutches because I decided I didn't want this to be a ruined vacation but I think this is all worth something even if I used antiemetics and klonopin (I take klonopin daily as is). Sometimes you need a little help to get going in the right direction. I'm also learning that some food really isn't as scary as we think it is

Had the compressor replaced and system recharged on my 2012 Lincoln MKZ because it was not working at all. Upon picking my car up the mechanic (who barely speaks English) explained to me that my relay is basically no good and makes the compressor short cycle on and off. He gave me a 15A fuse and demonstrated that if you put it where the relay is supposed to be, it will keep the compressor running no matter what. From what I know, both options are no good because constant short cycles will wear the compressor and constant running will probably cause other issues. Its a hot week coming up and my question is can I get away with the 15A fuse and just make the compressor run constantly until I get a new relay, and how long could I leave it running before it becomes risky/unsafe for the ac system?

For context, this story happened nearly 3 years ago, however a recent late-night conversation with a friend made it clear to me that the repercussions of this incident are still being felt to this day.
I (25M) met my now-ex girlfriend (25F), whom I will be assigning the fake name "Anne," when we were both 17 at our small town high school in semi-rural Georgia. Our romantic relationship began following our senior prom which we attended together. Despite our approaching high school graduations, the two of us decided that we could make our relationship work beyond high school and into college since we would both be attending different universities in the same city. We each grew up in typical southern protestant traditions and casually held onto some sort of religious beliefs. I, myself, have always identified religiously as something of a deist, meaning I believed (and still do to this day) that some sort of higher entity, force, or meaning was responsible for existence. Anne, at that time, would have self-identified as a Christian and attended church semi-regularly, however it was never a significant part of her life or attitude toward the world.
Shortly after we both began our new lives as college students in an unfamiliar city, Anne expressed that she would like to search for a new church to attend regularly as it helped create a sense of community and belonging for her which she had been missing since moving away from home. I strongly encouraged this, since I wanted her to be able to make friends and discover herself philosophically. The church that caught her attention was a non-denominational "modern" church that seemed to emphasize community at least on a surface level basis. However, out of curiosity, I took a look at the church's website and did notice a few mentions of "Pentecostal experience", which worried me since my only knowledge of Pentecostals was rumors of snake handling, especially in the more rural areas of the South. However, I chose to not be too judgmental upfront and continued to encourage her to find herself and meet new people.
Over the next few months, Anne started to spend more and more time devoted to bible studies and attending gatherings for women at the church. She specifically asked me not to accompany her on Sunday services since, as she put it, the elder members of the church would not act too kindly about unmarried woman "dragging around" some unfamiliar man who was not her husband. It became clear pretty quickly that she was becoming more than just a casual Christian and I supported this, however we did not talk much about the specifics of what she was being taught at this church.
This all came to a head when one night, Anne asked me if she could pray over me in something she called a "spiritual language." Having only ever heard vaguely of speaking in tongues, I obliged. I sat next to her on my couch and watched as she raised one hand and began quietly chanting in complete gibberish. My heart immediately sank in discomfort and fear but I was too stunned to do anything. so I just sat and watched for several minutes until she finally went quiet. All I could do or say was tell her that I appreciated her thoughtfulness and went about my day.
Pretty soon, the behaviors and acts became more and more extreme. Her "tongues" became louder and more intense and began to include violent shakes and lots (and I mean LOTS) of crying. She spoke of seeing "signs" and hearing "the voice of God" in a very literal sense. Her grades in college even began to suffer as more and more of her time was devoted to these newfound beliefs. Naturally, I became extremely worried that she was slowly slipping into some sort of paranoid delusional psychosis. At the very least, these teachings made her into a much angrier and more paranoid person. It was clear that her new beliefs were more than just a spiritual awakening but also a nose-dive into a mental health crisis.
Our relationship, at this point, was very clearly waning but my feelings toward the woman I once knew were still strong. I decided that it was time for an intervention of sorts. This resulted in me spending a whole weekend studying Pentecostal beliefs and reading Reddit stories from ex-Pentecostals about what it took to break them out of their conditioning. It was on a Monday night when I invited her over to my apartment to confront her about how the things her church were teaching her were actively harming her and even presented her with evidence of how these churches prey on mentally unwell people and how "speaking in tongues" was nothing more than an experience in her own brain chemicals. While I had hoped that hearing her new beliefs be directly confronted would help break the spell they had on her, it seemed to have no effect. Surprisingly, she did not fight back or show much anger toward my confrontation, instead resorting to the "please respect my beliefs" argument that made it so hard to push back against, since, at this time, I was still concerned about preserving our relationship.
Unfortunately, things only got worse from here. I spent some time trying to ignore the issue for the sake of the relationship, especially because I did not sense that I had many other romantic options given my shy nature and struggles to make new friends at college. However, my new "ignorance is bliss" approach to our relationship did not last long. At this point, we had been together for about 3 years and the conversation of marriage and kids started to become serious. I have always wanted kids since I come from a large family with many siblings, which Anne seemingly was excited about as well. However, after a pleasant conversation in which we fantasized about what we would name our children, she said something that sparked an anger in me that I did not often feel. She told me that if any of our future children came out to us as gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, or anything like that, that we would have to disown that child at all costs and that she could not love her child knowing that they were a "sodomite" (her words). I have always considered myself an ally of LGBTQ+ folks and wouldn't think twice about loving my children any less if they came out to me and have always felt this way. I did not say much in the moment out of pure shock and instead steered the conversation elsewhere while I quietly boiled over in anger over this comment.
Here is where the title of this post comes into play and where my role in this interaction enters a grey area. I spent several days unable to let this anger subside while imagining my own perspective children being thrown to the streets for bravely coming out to their own parents. I decided that another intervention was necessary, except this time I didn't want to be ignored. I came up with a plan that I referred to as a "scorched earth" intervention. Over the course of an evening, I began texting, calling, or messaging almost every person that Anne was close to. This included family, friends, past friends, classmates, and even some plain old acquaintances. I needed her paranoid and hateful beliefs to be confronted by more than just myself and hoped that if everyone important to her also expressed concern; that she would separate herself from this church and seek proper mental health counseling.
The responses I received from Anne's friends and family ranged significantly. Some people, including her mother whom I was close with, asked that I not try to "insert myself between Anne and God". Some friends agreed with me wholeheartedly and would reach out to Anne over text or in person to try and offer help. Some people met me with total apathy. Unsurprisingly, once Anne found out what I did, she broke things off over a brief but highly emotional phone call. She told me that I had embarrassed her and that supposedly God was telling her I wasn't the man she was supposed to marry. It did not hurt too bad since I was anticipating the end of this relationship for a while. The effects of my approach seemingly had lasting impacts on many of her relationships, however. At least one longtime friendship had ended because the friend was appalled by Anne's new paranoid beliefs. It was also unsuccessful, as Anne would never seek mental health counseling. In fact, it probably pushed her further into her church crowd - only further bolstering her new delusions.
Since much time has passed, I have started to feel uncertain whether or not I did the right thing in trying to have all of Anne's friends and family confront her about her extreme beliefs. At the time, I felt that I was justified and doing the right thing by trying to encourage a clearly delusion person to seek mental health counseling by any means necessary. Now, I am able to realize that I acted out of anger and permanently damaged how some of her oldest friends view her. I also realize that I acted immaturely and probably should not have tried to bring in every person close to Anne to fight a battle on my behalf.
Nowadays, Anne is still with that church and regularly posts on Facebook all sorts of whacky spiritual conspiracies. She is still very clearly paranoid and delusional all while putting on a facade of normalcy. I just pity her for living in a constant state of paranoia at this point. She even works full time with the church as a "worship leader," although I am not sure what exactly that means. She actually got married about a year after the relationship ended to a man she met at her church. They met, got engaged, and married all within 12 months. Thankfully, no children have been brought into this world yet from their relationship, which is surprising to me considering how urgent it seemed to her during our relationship. I do not hear much from any friends or family of hers anymore, other than one mutual friend who told me that Anne frequently refers to me as "that demon." As for myself, I finished school and have not married but was able to finally make friends and go on dates and my future is looking bright.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for my "scorched earth" methods towards my fanatical ex-girlfriend?

Hi first time posting here and sorry for my grammar, English is not my first language. I just need some perspective on this matter. So I (22M) live alone with my brother (14M). Our mother(42F) is working abroad with her boyfriend what means she is not at home with us. For some background. My Mother divorsed my father two years ago. He was an alcoholic who neglected me and my brother and thought that if he brings money home then he is releved from any parental responsibility. They lived separately for over 10 years and HATED EACH OTHER with passion, before they divorsed. My mom is no saint either. She loses her temper very fast what makes her say very cruel things. I was the scapegoat in the family because my i can't back off a fight eather, so when my mother attacked me verbaly i always clap back and that's what she wanted to have someone to screem at and blame for everything. My brother is very timid and the complete opposite of me. Oh and what i forgot to mention my mother is a compleat controll freak. There are many things she did (like hitting us when we were little because we did something wrong) but then she would be sweet as honey tu us for the next two weeks and then the cycle repeats. I know that some of you will tell that she is a bad mom but that's how she was raised and she doesn't know better. but in the last 6 or 7 years she tried to be better and it shows, So to the topic. When my mother divorsed my father and getting alimony for my brother (he fought for the lowes he could get) money was tight. My mother worked as a menager and I as a student couldn't get a full time job so i worked in some firms part time and did tutoring whenever I could. We had money to pay the bills and everything but when the month was over we had little savings (we live in a home in a village so there is always something to repair and sometimes it is tough). I wanted to pause my studies and go working but my mother was oposed of that. We fought about it too. So we came to a agreement that I will be living with my brother in our country and my mother will go work abroad. The first couple of weeks were fine but then the controll mode in my mother swithed on. She wanted to know when we get up, when we go to sleep, what we eat, what we are doing etc. And i don't mean like one or two times a day. She wanted to start a call with her on camera and the her everywhere. She was mad because we didn't replay to her messages because we were both in school. And it started to be very pushy, So the accident was yesterday when my brother, me and two of my fiends went out to eat in a restaurant (i didn't want to leave my brother behind and my friends like my brother so there was no problem). So we went out and when my mother found out she started to bombard us with questions like where, with who and other. That was perfectly fine. We answered everything and wanted to enjoy our night. But then She wanted to have pictures of the restaurant, the food - everything. I called her out on the group chat with me, her and my brother that we want to enjoy the food and we will talk to her when we get home. And i thought thats tsht. But then she started to write messages to my brother privetly, with the same questions over and over again. And my brother as a timid person answered. But then we went on a glowing fountain show and i to my brother that he should put his phone in my backpack when we go near water just to be save. The show was over we went bac to my car. Driving back home my brother takes his phone from my backpack and there is like 8 missed calls from our mother. (Quick note I have mostly my phone on silent and everyone who knows me knows that). He picks up the next call from her and then it starts. The screaming "WHERE ARE YOU? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? WHY ARE YOU NOT PICKING UP YOUR PHONE? WHY ARE YOU STILL UP? WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER (me)? WHY ISN'T HE PICKING UP HIS PHONE" threats and other things like that. My brother tried to say something but she was cutting him off every time. He was about to cry so I said that he shoul give me on speaker (I was driving). When he did that i said that we will contact her when we will be back and we are on the way home so clearly we ar still not back home. She started to screm something about dangers with driving at night but i screamed back that the only thing distracting me from the road is she right now and she should hang up right now. After that she did hang up. And the next day she was like nothing ever happened. Or so i thought because when we came back from some garden work we get a message that She won't bother us because apparently she's bothering us because she's worried and we don't give a damn about it. And other crap like that. My brother starts crying and tries to phone her and she rejects his call, so he starts to apologise to her via text. I on the other hand locked my self in another room so my brother wouldn't hear me and tear my mother a new one via a voice message that if she wants to be angry at someone that better be angry at me because now brother is crying now because her, he is in distress because of that (She loves to use that kind of manipulation). That if she thougt I'm so irresponsible that i took my brother for a nice trip on a WEEKEND and we came back home at 23:30 again on a WEEKEND where he could sleep how much he wants then thats her problem. She answered that she wants just to make shure he and i are save. And thats what was when i lost it because a month prior she didn't had a problem to arrange for him a bus among strangers and for him to travel 15 hours through 3 countries to her place and leaving him alone in a apartment in a forign country for 9 hours and if she really thinks that guilttripping my brother is a good idea then there is something wrong with her. There were many other things said in that text. She didn't replay to it but wrote to my brother like nothing happens. So Am I wrong to tell my mother off?

So I, 22 M, have a pretty messed up home life, I'm visually impaired and the nearest city is a dozen or so miles from our house, my mom is the only person who drives and because of my disability I can't work most jobs, so getting around is rough.
I am trying to get my GED though but with little progress, I was pulled out of middle school at 13 essentially forced to drop out because my father was afraid his abuse toward his family (me and four others) would be discovered by authorities or our schools would get involved.
He then trapped me into living with him through the covid-19 pandemic until 2022 just before I turned 20 where I moved into a friend's house who soon betrayed me and left me on the streets. From there I was on the streets for about 3 months until I was able to fly out to live with my older brother who put his hands on me and got me kicked out of my next place to live after only 3 weeks of living there. And then lived in a homeless shelter until flying a couple more times and ending up with my mom, whom my father's side of my family had brainwashed me all my life to believe she was a horrible person, in truth she's not the greatest but she is much better than they made her out to be.
Now I've been living with her for a while, but things couldn't be worse, due to a volatile relationship between my mom and my little sister, my little sister ended up crashing two cars and landing my mom and stepdad and massive credit debt, everything came to a boil when she went off on Christmas and got herself kicked out, my little sister was the only other person in the house who could drive as my stepfather is out driving big rig trucks all over the country.
So now it's me and my mom, but then my little brother goes and gets himself kicked out of his college dorms, but thankfully he's now getting paid himself and we've banded together as far as finances go but that's not what I'm here to complain about.
My mom, 41 F, goes to work nearly all the time because she's trying to pay off the crippling debt her daughter left her with, leaving me and my younger brother (20 M) to do chores around the house and occasionally babysit our younger step brother (9 M).
Things can get pretty hectic and you have to add to the fact that we live in two separate buildings, have over a dozen pets to take care of on the daily, and we both have our own separate chores we have to take care of individually.
For example I have to wash the dishes, make sure the kitchen is clean, take out the trash and take the trash out to the curb once a week before pulling it back in the next day so that we can start loading more trash into our cans (God forbid I forget to do so where it's a shitstorm), additionally since I live in a separate building I have to clean half of it which is pretty big but mostly it's just some random food trash laying around although on the occasion we do have large amounts of styrofoam and boxes as we get a lot of packages, our space is also cramped and my brother barely ever cleans his space because he can't focus on cleaning with ADHD that I get but it is annoying as I have OCD and can't stand dirty spaces, that brings me to another problem of his, he barely ever does his chores and since he doesn't do them I'm basically the only person who can pick up the slack so I have to start doing his chores sometimes, cleaning his side of our building, cleaning the bathroom cleaning the floors ETC.
We also have to do our own individual laundry and I want you to note that I haven't even gotten into the biggest issue, we have three dogs but one of them is out on the road with my stepfather so we have two dogs to take care of but one of them is large and mostly untrained so she poops in her cage most of the time, we have to clean this up as well as let her out 3 to 4 times a day so that she can use the bathroom as well as feed her and let out the other dog with her who barks his head off and we have to ignore him until he shuts up because if we teach him that he can just bark to get his way out of the cage he'll never stop doing it and it's obnoxious, then once he shuts up we let him out and then we have to make sure that they both been out for at least 15 to 20 minutes each time, there's three cats in the back of the house that need to get fed and watered every day, watered multiple times a day sometimes, when our little brother isn't here we have to take care of his ferret which isn't hard but it's still a task, then you've got our mom's two birds who have a specific diet so getting them fed is a bit of a hassle, she has a tortoise but we don't usually have to check on that, then there's two cats in my mom's room that we need to go and feed individually, any pet due to your pee we have to clean up as soon as we find it obviously cuz that's gross, and she also has two snakes but we don't take care of them cuz she does, and then you have my cat and my little brother's cat who live in our building with us and we have to feed and water them once a day sometimes we have to water them multiple times a day because our cats are weird and love to drink water.
I think you can see where I'm going with this.
We have a crippling amount of chores to do and again that doesn't even cover everything, occasionally we have to go out in the yard and pick up sticks and branches because they like to blow everywhere with the Wind, and we've even had to drag entire fallen trees over into the backyard as well. Then there's the asinine rules that we have to follow. Some of them just don't make sense so I won't get into all of that cuz sometimes it just makes me too angry to think about.
We both pay rent and do our chores as a form of compensation for letting us live here past 18, I mean wow my brother does College from home and I'm still studying to get my GED but like I said due to Transportation issues progress is a bit stagnant at the moment.
I am thinking of doing my stuff online.
But besides the crippling number of tasks and odd jobs we have to do around the house on the daily I also have insomnia that I've never been able to control. My sleep patterns have never been normal and I'll always wake up at a different time every day sometimes sleeping through the majority of the morning and afternoon.
And then when I wake up at say 4:00 in the afternoon I feel guilty because I didn't end up getting anything done, then my lazy ass little brother who didn't do shit wants to sit there and complain to me how nothing got done even though I'm already beating myself up mentally because I slept too long and I know it's my problem, I've tried so many different methods whether it be medicine, herbal remedies, scented candles, soothing music, even tried changing my diet to fix my sleep but nothing helps, I might be able to have a normal sleep cycle for about 4 to 5 days before it ends up messed up again, and so here we are my little brother is complaining again about how nothing got done even though he could have done stuff on his own, and I'm left here to feel like shit while he berates me and I beat myself up at the same time, but to make matters worse my mom only complains all the time about the stuff that we didn't manage to get done and never thanks us, recently though that's changed a bit and she started thinking us although it's rare and I'd like to think that she's making progress and changing so I appreciate that from her but my little brother does not make it any easier, I've even tried sitting him down and having an honest conversation with him multiple times I even did it today but every time I get the same answer "I don't want to talk about this shit i don't care" needless to say my family is driving me insane and I need advice.

I have another question about OLD for the group, as a woman, how sexy should my profile pictures be? My goal is long term and monogamous. I've been on Stir for about a month now, and I set up a Hinge profile this week. I have a full makeup face selfie or two, and the rest of my pictures are hobby based, which generally means hiking - casual clothes and no makeup. I don't know what other women's profiles look like in my age range (42). I have a home, a car, and a job. None of those things are glamorous, but they are reliable. I'm a single mom to a grade school child looking for companionship that slowly grows into more. I definitely could stand to lose some weight, but I also have enough curves that I could sell those extra pounds reasonably well. I've put a fair amount of thought into the written part of my profile. But a picture is worth a thousand words.
I've been telling myself to keep it real and true to life. Some pictures without makeup, no filters, etc. I'm getting some attention, and handful of conversations a week that eventually fade away. I'm fine with that, overall. But its a lazy Saturday, and I'm tempted to make a play for more attention to see what would happen.
Ladies, do you show much of your physical assets do you show on your dating profiles? Men, especially those seeking long term relationships, what gets your attention as you move through profiles?

Damn this is a long post. 😅 Sorry to whoever reads this I'm a wordy person.
I'm kind of thinking of nachoing. Not because I hate my step daughter but because I really really love her and her relationship is so important to me.
Basically since my fiance and I got serious I have stepped in as a parental figure to my SD who is now a young 5. I love her as much as I could love a kid that I didn't give birth to. She is smart, funny, sweet, energetic, sassy and curious.
We have 60/40 custody and her mom is involved and HC only with my fiance. Her mom teaches her bad manners (like that it's funny to be mean to people, she doesn't need to say please and thank you, swearing is encouraged etc etc), let's her eat all the junk food and treats she wants, is a little neglectful in the love and comfort area and both of her parents (and both sets of grandparents) baby her and coddle her (she RARELY gets told no from anyone in her life). She has a switch (from dad) and an iPad (from mom) with snapchat and messanger on it (which I get the premise. She can talk to us while at mom's and mom while here) and both her and my fiance call our Xbox her Xbox. I can already see a technology addiction surfacing in her, she's already talking about us getting her a phone, 1000 times a day she's like "I just need to snapchat this" and she spends probably a good hour a day staring at herself with filters on. At our house we only let her have her iPad when we are actively watching her. But I am so concerned over the long term affects this will have on her. My fiance says he is concerned only when I push him on it and sometimes comes back with "yes of course I agree. I can't do anything about it. Her mom got her the iPad".
We are also trying to encourage her to be more independent and help out a bit around the house....things like bringing her plate to the kitchen after supper, putting her shoes away in her cubby, hanging up her towel and hair towel after her bath and filling up her water bottle.
This week has been a very taxing week because my fiance hasn't been home much because of work so I've been home with her 24/7 and everyday has been met with "I don't want to do it I want you to do it for me", "I hate doing things for myself", "I like when you do it", "I can't do it", her throwing her hair towel at me while she is playing her switch and saying "here go hang this up" with a bossy tone or full on temper tantrums. This went on the last time we had her too. She sometimes has had bad days where she throws a tantrum but this week especially it's been multiple times every single day. It is mostly stemming from her not wanting to do things for herself because she's so used to us catering 24 hours a day.
The other dynamic is that she wants everything I have. She loves me and I'm her idol and it's absolutely exhausting. She will happily be playing until she sees me and my fiance holding hands and then she needs to break it up and go in the middle. Or we are holding hands in the car and she tells me to let you of his hand so I can hold hers. I get a new dress why didn't I get her the matching one and she gets upset. My fiance buys me flowers and she complains she didn't get any (last time I got flowers I happened to be in the city and found a cute sticker book I thought she would love.) when she came home I gave her her books and she was happy for 2 minutes until she realized my fiance got me flowers and for the next 24 hours she constantly was like "why did you get SM flowers but not me" "I want flowers too", my best friend made me a painting for my engagement and she kept asking why my best friend made me one and not her. She even talks nonstop about how her dad is gonna buy her a ring like mine (engagement ring) for like a month after my engagement. I don't blame her and I understand that a) she wants to be included and b) she wants to be exactly like me (she has told me as much). But it's exhausting and sometimes when I can't even get a kiss from my fiance without her needing one too it stings. (I don't blame her and I would never expect my fiance to not give her a kiss if she asks for one after I get one)
So like I said this week I have been with her 90% of the time. I've kept up with laundry, housework, yard work, transportation and I usually get up before my fiance to make him coffee and pack his lunch so he can sleep in a bit (it's something I LOVE doing for him so he can sleep in.) she has been a bit of a menace with talking back and arguing, entitlement and tantrums but I've dealt with it and always bounce back and try to stay calm and steady and understanding in the face of her big emotions.
Last night my fiance and I talked about how if we ask her to do something we are not going to be doing it for her.
So flash forward to this morning. I wake up and brush my teeth with SD (she complains nonstop or doesn't do it unless Indo it with her). Go downstairs and my fiance comes down 10 minutes later he gives me a kiss and SD starts asking why I get a kiss and she doesn't so he gave her one as well. Things like that sometimes sting and it did this morning so I went upstairs for 5 minutes to regroup and tell myself it's not a big deal. I can be hurt but no one did anything wrong. Then my fiance was taking SD with him and asked her to get her water bottle and fill it up (he asked her like 5 times). She refused to fill it up so he went to do it and I reminded I'm about our talk last night and he disregarded that and did it anyway.
I texted him and told him that when he brushes me off that way it makes me feel like he doesn't value what we decide on together and it's very important to me that when we ask her to do something she does it and if she refuses to she deals with the natural consequences (ie she chose not to fill her water bottle up she will have to go the car ride without water). He brushed that off and told me he was just not wanting to fight with her about it. And then told me that he felt "unloved when I went upstairs this morning" and so I explained that when I can't get a moment of affection for myself sometimes it really stings and today was one of those days (but that I also don't expect him to refuse to give SD a kiss because that's unfair to her and she deserves affection too) so I went upstairs to regroup and came back down after I had 5 minutes. And he responded with "how unacceptable that a child wants affection from her parent" and that just felt very condescending and cycled into a fight.
Anyways I kind of feel like I am at my limit. I don't feel like my perspective and advice is valued and that response from my fiance really makes me feel icky. There was no kindness and compassion in it.
I'm thinking maybe I should nacho from any parental duties for the time being, still give her love and affection but really prioritize myself and my needs day to day instead of bending over backwards for her and my fiance. Let him deal with his child. And I know the affection thing I'm just gonna have to get over and figure out a way to handle better when it feel like it stings.
Any advice or encouragement or even constructive criticism would be so helpful

Trip is end of Aug/early Sep, renting a 2WD vehicle. Before I book accommodations, I want to make sure this isn't too much or maybe we could squeeze in a bit more? How does it look overall? Am I missing anything? Thank you for your help!
Day 1
Arrive at 7am and explore Reykjavík
Stay in Reykjavík

Day 2
Reykjavík to Þingvellir National Park
Oxarfoss and drive around park
Drive to Glymur waterfall and hike
Stay at Fossatún

Day 3
Drive to and explore Snaefellsnes Peninsula
Stay at Sæberg HI Hostel

Day 4
Goðafoss Waterfall
Myvatn
Stay in Myvatn area

Day 5
Dettifoss + Selfoss
Rjúkandi Waterfall
Stuðlagil Canyon
Stay at Seyðisfjörður HI Hostel

Day 6
Hengifoss
Stokksnes (maybe)
Höfn
Stay at Höfn HI Hostel

Day 7
Jökulsárlón Glacier Lagoon
Diamond Beach
Viewpoint of Fjallsjökull
Múlagljúfur Canyon
Stay at Tjaldsvæðið í Svínafelli

Day 8
Glacier hike or other tour
Other things in the area?
Stay at Tjaldsvæðið í Svínafelli

Day 9
Skaftafell & Svartifoss
Stjórnarfoss
Fjarðarárgljúfur Viewpoint
Reynisfjara Beach
Dyrhólaey Viewpoint
Stay in Vik

Day 10
Fimmvorduhals trail
Leave car at Skógafoss and get picked up by South Adventure at 2030
Stay in Vik or closer to Skógafoss?

Day 11
Seljalandsfoss
Gljufrabui
Haifoss
Secret Lagoon?
Unsure where we are thinking of staying

Day 12
Gullfoss
Geysir
Brúarfoss
Kerid Crater
Stay near Reykjavík

1 Sonic Unleashed.

This game has always had a special place in my heart. Its my favorite for 2 reasons.
Reason 1 being, I have always wanted to play this game since I was a little kid. I never had a ps3 or xbox 360 growing up so I had no way to play the game. But recently this year, I picked it up and played it for the first time. On the night I got it, I got emotional because of how much I wanted to play this game as a kid, and now that wish has been fulfilled. And oh my gawd, it lived up to my expectations. The music was incredible. The high speed action was so fun. (Once I got used the qtes) And the story was pretty good. I'm not a guy that plays a game for story that much. I mostly just play it for the gameplay.
Reason 2 being, the main theme is my favorite theme in all of Sonic history. When I always listened to it, I felt like I was in the heart and mind of Sonic, while he was on the globe trotting adventure with his buddy chip. (Also the singer of Endlesss Possibility sang the phineas and ferb theme song. I grew up with that show and still watch it today. A platypus? PERRY THE PLATYPUS???) It was also the first song I learned on drums. :P

2 Sonic Frontiers

I have always loved the idea of open world games. The vast area of endless possibility. I could explore to my hearts content. Although my biggest gripe with the open world formula, is that you were normally pretty slow. After all, my favorite genre's of games were movement, and open world. so it would've been so cool to see someone combine them together. And that's when Sonic Frontiers dropped. picked it up the christmas of 2022 for my switch. And I loved the hell out of it.
The intense speed of it, with the amount of things to do was so cool. Also the glitches you could do were SO FUN. I loved the cyber space levels. And loved trying to get the fastest time. (the best level to speedrun imo is 1-2). Also the best soundtrack in sonic history. One Way Dream IS A BANGER. As well as Find Your Flame. I'm honestly really excited that they are probably gonna make another open world game.

3 Sonic Colors

Everyone has different opinions on this game as time goes by. But, I really like this game, the soundtrack is AMAZING, the story is simple but sweet, and its where Cubot got his first introduction! (Say what you will about the inclusion of Orbot and Cubot in the mainline games, but I really like them as Eggmans henchmen)
The gameplay is really fun. I will admit, I do wish the game had a little more 3D in it. 2/3 of the game is in 2D. But I don't mind it when the levels are still fun to play through. Although I'm not saying there aren't some bad ones in the bunch. (Lookin at you planet wisp act 3 and starlight carnival act 3).
I have always enjoyed the more comedic side of Colors. Sure the jokes are corny but, some of them are funny. Especially the pa announcements in the backround from eggman, I love those. My favorite is the one "Would the owner of a white hover car shaped like an egg please report to the front desk. Your car has been broken- WAIT WHAT THE HECK". I love the cutscenes where Sonic and Tails are interacting with each other, expressing their best friend kind of relationship.
What are your thoughts? What are your top 3?

Damn this is a long post. 😅 Sorry to whoever reads this I'm a wordy person.
I'm kind of thinking of nachoing. Not because I hate my step daughter but because I really really love her and her relationship is so important to me.
Basically since my fiance and I got serious I have stepped in as a parental figure to my SD who is now a young 5. I love her as much as I could love a kid that I didn't give birth to. She is smart, funny, sweet, energetic, sassy and curious.
We have 60/40 custody and her mom is involved and HC only with my fiance. Her mom teaches her bad manners (like that it's funny to be mean to people, she doesn't need to say please and thank you, swearing is encouraged etc etc), let's her eat all the junk food and treats she wants, is a little neglectful in the love and comfort area and both of her parents (and both sets of grandparents) baby her and coddle her (she RARELY gets told no from anyone in her life). She has a switch (from dad) and an iPad (from mom) with snapchat and messanger on it (which I get the premise. She can talk to us while at mom's and mom while here) and both her and my fiance call our Xbox her Xbox. I can already see a technology addiction surfacing in her, she's already talking about us getting her a phone, 1000 times a day she's like "I just need to snapchat this" and she spends probably a good hour a day staring at herself with filters on. At our house we only let her have her iPad when we are actively watching her. But I am so concerned over the long term affects this will have on her. My fiance says he is concerned only when I push him on it and sometimes comes back with "yes of course I agree. I can't do anything about it. Her mom got her the iPad".
We are also trying to encourage her to be more independent and help out a bit around the house....things like bringing her plate to the kitchen after supper, putting her shoes away in her cubby, hanging up her towel and hair towel after her bath and filling up her water bottle.
This week has been a very taxing week because my fiance hasn't been home much because of work so I've been home with her 24/7 and everyday has been met with "I don't want to do it I want you to do it for me", "I hate doing things for myself", "I like when you do it", "I can't do it", her throwing her hair towel at me while she is playing her switch and saying "here go hang this up" with a bossy tone or full on temper tantrums. This went on the last time we had her too. She sometimes has had bad days where she throws a tantrum but this week especially it's been multiple times every single day. It is mostly stemming from her not wanting to do things for herself because she's so used to us catering 24 hours a day.
The other dynamic is that she wants everything I have. She loves me and I'm her idol and it's absolutely exhausting. She will happily be playing until she sees me and my fiance holding hands and then she needs to break it up and go in the middle. Or we are holding hands in the car and she tells me to let you of his hand so I can hold hers. I get a new dress why didn't I get her the matching one and she gets upset. My fiance buys me flowers and she complains she didn't get any (last time I got flowers I happened to be in the city and found a cute sticker book I thought she would love.) when she came home I gave her her books and she was happy for 2 minutes until she realized my fiance got me flowers and for the next 24 hours she constantly was like "why did you get SM flowers but not me" "I want flowers too", my best friend made me a painting for my engagement and she kept asking why my best friend made me one and not her. She even talks nonstop about how her dad is gonna buy her a ring like mine (engagement ring) for like a month after my engagement. I don't blame her and I understand that a) she wants to be included and b) she wants to be exactly like me (she has told me as much). But it's exhausting and sometimes when I can't even get a kiss from my fiance without her needing one too it stings. (I don't blame her and I would never expect my fiance to not give her a kiss if she asks for one after I get one)
So like I said this week I have been with her 90% of the time. I've kept up with laundry, housework, yard work, transportation and I usually get up before my fiance to make him coffee and pack his lunch so he can sleep in a bit (it's something I LOVE doing for him so he can sleep in.) she has been a bit of a menace with talking back and arguing, entitlement and tantrums but I've dealt with it and always bounce back and try to stay calm and steady and understanding in the face of her big emotions.
Last night my fiance and I talked about how if we ask her to do something we are not going to be doing it for her.
So flash forward to this morning. I wake up and brush my teeth with SD (she complains nonstop or doesn't do it unless Indo it with her). Go downstairs and my fiance comes down 10 minutes later he gives me a kiss and SD starts asking why I get a kiss and she doesn't so he gave her one as well. Things like that sometimes sting and it did this morning so I went upstairs for 5 minutes to regroup and tell myself it's not a big deal. I can be hurt but no one did anything wrong. Then my fiance was taking SD with him and asked her to get her water bottle and fill it up (he asked her like 5 times). She refused to fill it up so he went to do it and I reminded I'm about our talk last night and he disregarded that and did it anyway.
I texted him and told him that when he brushes me off that way it makes me feel like he doesn't value what we decide on together and it's very important to me that when we ask her to do something she does it and if she refuses to she deals with the natural consequences (ie she chose not to fill her water bottle up she will have to go the car ride without water). He brushed that off and told me he was just not wanting to fight with her about it. And then told me that he felt "unloved when I went upstairs this morning" and so I explained that when I can't get a moment of affection for myself sometimes it really stings and today was one of those days (but that I also don't expect him to refuse to give SD a kiss because that's unfair to her and she deserves affection too) so I went upstairs to regroup and came back down after I had 5 minutes. And he responded with "how unacceptable that a child wants affection from her parent" and that just felt very condescending and cycled into a fight.
Anyways I kind of feel like I am at my limit. I don't feel like my perspective and advice is valued and that response from my fiance really makes me feel icky. There was no kindness and compassion in it.
I'm thinking maybe I should nacho from any parental duties for the time being, still give her love and affection but really prioritize myself and my needs day to day instead of bending over backwards for her and my fiance. Let him deal with his child. And I know the affection thing I'm just gonna have to get over and figure out a way to handle better when it feel like it stings.
Any advice or encouragement or even constructive criticism would be so helpful.

While I still enjoyed listening to our favorite podders talk action flicks, I think the action movie scene draft was a bit of a misfire. Particularly, the categories didn’t lend themselves to much debate, and the system of drafting with the multiple picks get disjointed. I do think it’s a great concept, so I came up with some different categories that would make it more interesting. So away with the two picks per decade, and in with the following:
Firefight Scene (Anything with guns that be a shooting, i.e. John Wick in the club, Neo & Trinity in the lobby)
Martial Arts Scene (Hallway fight scene in Oldboy, Rama & Andi vs. Mad Dog in Raid: Redemption, anything Jackie Chan does in Drunken Master)
Western Shootout (Climax of the Wild Bunch, climax of the new 3:10 to Yuma, final standoff in the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly)
Chase Sequence (Car chase in the French Connection, Nice car chase in Ronin, Butch & Cassidy evade posse to the waterfall, the entirety of Fury Road)
Heist Sequence (Downtown LA in Heat, the Nun heist in The Town, even the opening scene of The Dark Knight)
Comic Book Scene (Elevator fight in The Winter Soldier, Joker’s escape in The Dark Knight, vampire club scene in Blade)
Sci-fi Action Scene (Marines first encounter xenomorphs in Aliens, Arnold vs the Predator, Darth Vader in Rogue One)
Period/Sword&Sandal Movie Action Scene (Opening scene of Gladiator, village raid in The Northman, ambush scene in Last of the Mohicans)
War Scene (This one might be a little tricky, because they’re not always “fun” BUT Omaha beach scene in Saving Private Ryan, Black Hawks go down in uh Black Hawk Down, beach bombing in Dunkirk)
WILDCARD (Trinity test in Oppenheimer perhaps? Titanic sinking, maybe?)
10 categories, one pick per round like normal. There’s definitely plenty of wiggle room with categories, like where to put the heist sequence in The Dark Knight. I’d also say movies should only be selected once, but whatever I’m not God, pick how you want.
And finally, put Van on this pod. And Shea Serrano if he’s willing to make a quick reunion.
What do you all think? Would you add any categories? And let me see the picks of the people, please share!

To start, my post isn't to criticize or blame any of the vets decisions at all, I'm really just wondering if anyone here will have some insight to the situation and help me get some closure. Most of this will probably read more as a vent than anything, but I'm having a difficult time processing all of this.
(Some backstory and context- ) My family's golden retriever passed away yesterday morning. She was 13, she lived a long life. I wasn't her primary owner, she was my parents dog and I feel a lot of conflicting emotions regarding the way she was cared for. She received some emotional attention and she was given a lot of treats, but that's about it. No vet visits, no regular grooming, no walks, no stimulation. She was a house dog. When I was younger and more available, I would walk her every day and groom her regularly, she seemed really healthy. Once I didn't have time anymore, no one else stepped up to make sure she was getting that necessary care. A few months ago, I got sick of it and tried to groom her, but she was covered in so many matts that I really didn't feel equipped to deal with (I had actually accidentally cut her arm after trying a little bit, I couldn't even see her skin, this made me cry for like 2 hours and I was tearfully begging that they take her in), she needed a professional groomer and I even offered to pay for one to no avail. I told them she needs to see a vet as well because she was covered in so many lumps and bumps, and given her breed, there's a big chance they were cancerous. I didn't expect them to make her go through extensive cancer treatment, but I did expect them to get her looked at and provided with all of their options for care, mostly related to pain management.
(The past week- ) They waited until the very last moment to get her to see a vet, her breathing was extremely labored and wheezy. They immediately prescribed 300mg dose of gabapentin, 20mg of Prednisone, and 375mg of Clavamox (generic) tablets (I believe she weighed 60-70lbs). The Clavamox was specified to be taken with food, my mom somehow interpreted this as a small amount (like, hide it in a slice of turkey or peanut butter amount of food) and not a full meal. She gave her 2 rounds of doses of all 3 medications, once in the evening (the day of seeing the vet), then again the following morning despite her not having had a full meal yet. Lily (goldys name), had a very drastic reaction to this, she collapsed (hindsight, I assume from the Gabapentin), tried to get up, collapsed again, and urinated all over herself. Not too long after she vomited the very little food she had had in the past couple days. At this point, I wasn't aware of any the medications she was receiving, and I told my mom to hold off until we speak to a vet. I told them to write down everything that's happened since seeing the vet the day before; how she hasn't eaten, how she received 2 rounds of medications, and the details of the accident that happened in the morning. I told them to make a detailed list that includes the names of the medications and to call a vet and ask where we should go from here. I went to work, came home, and found that neither of them did any of that. They decided to just hold off on the Clavamox medication until her follow up appointment (a week away from her last appointment). At this point they're still wanting to feed her anything at all, lunch turkey slices, uncooked sausage, peanut butter, etc. I again told them we should consult a vet about diet in this time, she's old, she's in pain, she's on medications. Still nothing. I googled foods to feed dogs when they're sick, got results like unseasoned, boiled chicken, rice, 100% pumpkin puree, and other things. Thankfully, they bought some of these foods. The only thing she would even nibble on was the pumpkin puree, but it was something. The next day, yesterday morning, she again received her medications even though she still hadn't eaten a full meal at this point. I feel like that much medication without food for so long would be very taxing on the body, am I correct in that assumption or... ? Anyway, not long after receiving it, she passed away. She died silently right next to me, in my doorway. I didn't even notice it happened and it's breaking my heart every time I think about it. I feel so much anger, in part towards my parents but also towards myself.
***At the end of the day I guess my question is***, do you think the vet was aware of all these circumstances to a degree? Do you think they were aware of the immense amount of neglect and decided to ease her suffering? I almost take relief if that's the case, in someone doing anything about her condition. I just wish I had known how little time I had left with her. I know that no one will have a definitive answer to this, I guess I just want to hear some informed speculation from anyone who has some experience with this sort of thing.
If anyone is wondering why I didn't do all of the care myself, I don't have a car or license, nor could I afford all of it alone, nor did I have the time to do all of it alone, and all of that contributes to the guilt I feel. I have my own cats that I take great care of and make sure they're safe, stimulated and healthy. I can't also take care of my parents pets, unfortunately. As of now, they have one dog and I'm trying to encourage them to walk him, to take him to the vet and to be more involved in his care while it's not too late. They simply can't wait until the last second again, it's unconscionable. I also urged that they not get another pet, which luckily they agreed to as they don't want to deal with more heartbreak of losing a pet. Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope this wasn't too much to read, sorry.