Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

In 2010, I was facing felony charges for distribution of drugs. I was a drug addict. Hook line and sinker. But never admitted that to myself. My drug of choice? Anything I could get my hands on. Cocaine, ecstasy, weed, Xanax, Oxycontin, ciggys, alcohol, ativan, seroquil, spice, mushrooms.. You name it.
Desperately wanting to avoid prison time, I did whatever I could to turn my life around. The potential pain in carrying on was too great to tolerate. This was my rock bottom.
I enrolled in college, started working out every day, got rid of any "friends" that wanted to continue that lifestyle.
And quitting my daily drug use?
It wasn't a factor. I was too scared. I was willing to do anything to escape my prison sentence so I dropped them all without looking back. I was lucky. Lucky I had hit rock bottom. Lucky that everything collapsed around me. I needed a push and this was it.
Apparently the judge saw that I was making real change and I was able to avoid prison. I was slapped with a couple of felonies, fines, and drug and rehab classes.
Having felonies on my record was hard. I couldn't get a decent job. Even Walmart was excited to hire me, but then rejected me because of my record. I knew that I had turned a new leaf. I just needed someone to see that I was changed now.
Luckily, I found a family that needed help with their special needs kid.
I worked for them for long enough to get my felonies reduced and expunged off my record.
When hard drugs turn into soft drugs.
I thought I was "drug free" because I had stopped all illegal drugs. But soon I found myself consuming copious amounts of caffeine in order to lose weight and get "Jacked". You see, I found a passion for natural bodybuilding and Jiu-Jitsu around 2011.
I consumed endless content on how to lose body fat so I could finally get a six pack. A lot of YouTubers at the time were promoting pre-workouts like Jack3d. Which also had another stimulant called 1,3 dimethylamylamine - or DMAA. Which was banned after it had become known to be problematic.
So there I was, taking Jack3d, working out, and trying to figure out how to get a six pack. I hired the same coaches that my favorite YouTuber Matt Ogus had. 3DMuscleJourney. I got very serious with Diet and training.
When I started with 3DMuscleJourney in 2012, I had been working out for a solid year. I had gotten down to 195lbs from 215. Not a huge difference. And I had put on a good amount of Muscle in that time.
3DMuscleJourney taught me and guided me on how to train effectively while dieting and how to diet efficiently by tracking macros. But my preworkout and caffeine use had spiked up 1,500mg a day. I used caffeine as a substitute for food. After 12 weeks, I was down to 160lbs.
I was fit by any person's definition. My new found glory would soon collapse as my caffeine and DMAA use caught up to me. I started having bad shoulder pain, my joints were achy and cracky, popping every time I moved. I started stretching and doing mobility exercises but the pain in my body only got worse. I was unable to sleep. I would have fits of rage followed by lows of doubt and depression.
Then, I broke. I was no longer able to exercise because of the pain. I started eating more to see if it would help my joints. I quickly gained 30lbs. Probably within only a few weeks. I ended my coaching and started to slip back towards the abyss
That's when I figured out that caffeine and DMAA were both a huge problem.
I had been consuming caffeine my whole life. But never thought twice about it. It was a legal substance that a kid could go buy in a vending machine. How bad could it be? Broken, I decided to quit.
I was quickly able to cut out DMAA. But every attempt at quitting caffeine left me in so much pain that I would quickly rationalize going back to it. I never made it past two weeks.
Why was this harder than quitting all of those harder drugs?
I guess decades of using a softer drug still carves out some pretty steep ravines in your reward pathway. Caffeine was my last vice. Or so I thought..
I read the book "Caffeine Blues". This book explained that caffeine is not healthy in any way. It is a stimulant that causes your body to break down over time just like any drug. The book outlined some of the negatives associated with caffeine.

• Poor sleep, even if you didn't consume caffeine close to bedtime
• Joint pain from increased muscle tension.
• Poor vitamin and mineral absorption.
• Energy crashes and mood swings.
• Irritability.
• Psychosis.
• Masking negatives of caffeine with drugs and alcohol.

The list goes on. This was crazy. The book recommended tapering off of caffeine. While I was able to wean down to 300-600 most days. I couldn't get myself to fully commit. I started to look for some help.
Maybe I needed something to give me energy and focus while I quit?
I started to look at "Nootropics" to help me focus. I tried a large variety of them.

• Noopept
• Modafinil
• Piracetam
• Aniracetam
• L-Theanine
• Phenibu
• Kratom
• Nicotine
• A large variety of other supplements.

Non of this helped me quit caffeine. I soon realized that these legal "Performance enhancers" were just drugs. With their own highs and lows. And negative effects over time. I ended up quitting all of this after a year.
It was back to the drawing board.
Around the end of 2015, I ended up doing a 3 month or so long caffeine taper. Using caffeine powder and a mg scale I bought off Amazon. The plan was slow and steady. 1-2mg per day. I didn't want to notice my caffeine levels were dropping. After about a month under 25mg, I started feeling great.
My joints felt great, Arizona heat was more comfortable, I craved healthy food and exercise, I slept like a baby, the list goes on. I had raised my testosterone levels from 320ng/dL to 575ng/dL.
But then, just as I finally let go of caffeine. There was a surprise. A curve ball that would change my life forever.
The boy who lived...
My first child was to be born. The 24 hours in the hospital was an introduction to the lack of sleep I would face over the next few years. I caved..
One or two cups of coffee later, my son was born, and a new cycle of baby wake me up > being tired > caffeine to get me through the day > poor quality sleep > baby wake me up had begun.
I got got even more dependent on caffeine. I could no longer just take a nap whenever I wanted. I was a mess. Feeling like shit, with high stress, I also started drinking alcohol and smoking weed again. My testosterone levels plummeted down to 275ng/dL.
Great move dad..
I wanted to get healthy again. I started reading books about health, nutrition, meditation, etc. I wanted to attack this problem from multiple angles. I started eating a plant-based diet, meditating, exercising, taking ice baths, etc. I quit alcohol and weed again. Tapering my caffeine down below 100mg again.
I was starting to feel better. Even got my testosterone levels all the way up to 575ng/D
The girl who lived..
Sorry about the Harry Potter references...
Just when I thought it was over, another curve ball to my health goals. Something that would start the lack of sleep cycle all over again.
You guessed it.. another child! This time, there was a baby girl in my house. This new baby came with new challenges. Our daughter was born with cataracts. She had to have surgery at around 3 months old to get them removed. So not only did we have to deal with the lack of sleep stress again, and boy did she excel in that area, we had to deal with putting contacts in a baby...
Imagine a grown man squeezing their fist closed. And you have to delicately open up their fist, and place a sticky note on their palm without bending the paper. And the grown man is also having a seizure at the same time. Also, you haven't slept a quality night of sleep for weeks.
Needless to say, but I'm going to say it, our stress levels shot through the roof. We had new worries and fears about our daughter's condition and the caffeine cycle ramped back up again. All while trying to focus on my new career in IT and raising our other child.
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
I think sometime early 2023, a friend told me he was on Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). I knew my low test levels were due to stress, caffeine use, lack of sleep, belly fat, poor eating habits, etc. But I was desperate for some edge that would help me finally quit caffeine and get healthy again.
I thought, if I can use Testosterone to help me get healthy, then I can get off of it later and not suffer any consequences.
Boy was I wrong
TRT did give me more drive and gusto to get stuff done. It also made me work harder than my body wanted. I started getting more back pain from harder weightlifting session, I actually started doing more caffeine, and even weed again. I was like 6 years clean from weed at this point.
This made me over confident. Like I could handle anything, which led to poor decisions. I felt like a horny teenager and it made it hard to focus. I started masturbating furiously..
After 4 months stabbing myself in the ass, and draining my life essence, I decided to quit TRT cold turkey. I knew this wasn't what I needed.
Withdrawals from TRT were bearable. I had waves of depression, lack of energy, etc. But I got through it. I'll probably get my levels tested again soon. As I write this, I have been off of TRT for 12 months now.
I leaned more heavily on caffeine while I was coming off of TRT. My current levels are around 400mg per day. But tapering off is my primary focus. Or maybe I should try cold turkey again? Not sure how I can afford to be a useless zombie for weeks while I have a full time job and 2 kids to look after.
"Semen retention" and NoFap
For years, I had made half ass attempts at doing No Fap and quitting porn. The benefits claimed by people who have tried it are:

• Increased energy
• Vigor
• Willpower
• Can function on less sleep
• Increased confidenc
• Better focus and concentration
• Muscle growth
• Increased Libido

I started to read some books about the topic. This big two were "Your Brain on Porn" and "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow". These books took a more Science-based approach. There were also a couple books that were a little off tilt such as "Bliss of the Celibate" and "Why You Should Never Masturbate". These books included a lot of hokey about chakras and religion.
I never made it passed two weeks.
After TRT, I decided to give it a real go. NoFap/ Semen retention felt like my final try at getting an "edge". I lasted over a month. Just around the 3 week mark, I had felt the same benefits of TRT without all of the negatives. I also learned, that you have to be all in.
Any sexual thoughts had to be banished. Just think of something else. If you entertain lust at all, you will fail. Stay off social media where you may run into soft porn, which can start the spiral that leads you to porn, etc.
I was able to control my caffeine intake finally, my sleep was better, my wife was more attracted to me, I was more patient with the kids. I finally found the answer.
But then, I relapsed. And lost sight of the benefits. I had forgotten.
Slowly everything started slipping again. With small nofap stints here and there never lasting more than two weeks.
As I write this, I am realizing that caffeine was never my problem. It was a symptom of something else. I am currently on day 6 of retention and have made it my number one priority again. I need to remember this. I need my edge back.
The journey continues..
Life is full of ups and downs. And decisions you make (good or bad) compound over time. I know all of the positive effort, and commitment to personal development has paid off over time. Even though it may have been slower than I had hoped.
This story leaves out a lot. But I'd love to have a conversation with anyone who has had similar struggles. I have been going at this alone. I can only imagine how much more growth there can be surrounding yourself with like-minded individual
Ta Ta for Now.

Hi I’m a new KL and this morning is my first morning opening by myself. There’s an employee we have at our store and she causes a lot of problems with managers and other employees. She’s has one more write up before we’re required to terminate her. This morning she called the store and right away told me she wanted to speak to an SL or our GM. I told her it was only me at the store and then she proceeded to say she will text our GM her symptoms and when I was in the middle of telling her she must call the store and let whoever is MOD know who symptoms, which is me and that I need to SSR her, she interrupted and said she will be talking to our GM.
I guess my question here is, do I call SSR and let them know an employee called out saying they had symptoms but refused to tell me?
Sorry, this is my first time opening as a manager and I usually have another opening manager with me.

Hi all, I’m a recently-ish administered clinical psychologist. I don’t want to trauma dump, but I feel this is relevant to my problem, so I will try to keep it brief. I’m a survivor of extreme childhood abuse of all kinds including long-term sex trafficking and torture. I also used to live in a developing country where violent crime and other related problems were quite prominent, so I’ve witnessed things like someone being beheaded, which are unheard of in the country (one of the safest in the world) I live in now.
My transition into adulthood was rough and I certainly blew my life up many times as I struggled to find connection/my place in society after being isolated/abused for so long. It took many, many years of therapy to become a more functional person, and I went into psychology to ‘pay it forward’ as I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for the psychologists and counsellors I’ve had over the years. Due to my experiences and severe mental health struggles, my main area of interest is complex trauma.
However, the thing I’m struggling with is that whilst I empathise with my clients, I don’t tend to find anything ‘shocking’ or ‘heavy’. It’s like, I just don’t find anything ‘surprising,’ as I’m well-aware of what humans can be capable. I feel for my clients, I really do, but it’s more from the angle of the human condition rather than the content of the experiences, if that makes sense. When people ask me how I can do the job that I do and not be burdened by stories of human suffering, I don’t know what to say, but I feel terrible. I wonder if there’s something I’m missing, whether I think I’m being empathetic but possibly am actually not.
I’ve spoken to my supervisor about it, and he doesn’t seem to think it’s an issue. He’s likened it to how if therapists deal with their own suicidality, then client suicidality isn’t so confronting either. We’ve also discussed how a lot of psychologists that deal with trauma and abuse cases burn out, but that maybe because of my experiences I’ll just be more resistant to burning out. We’ve also discussed that it could be due to the varying grades of dissociation I experience, and that maybe the ‘mild’ manifestations are helpful in these circumstances for separating my personal life/work. But I just don’t know… I’m worried there’s something I’m meant to give to my clients that I’m missing.
Conversely, the most helpful clinician I personally had was one assigned to me at a specialist treatment centre for refugees, torture and trafficking survivors, and who really encouraged me to share as they never found my case ‘too heavy.’ So maybe there’s something like that at play, I just have no idea.
So yeah, I don’t know whether my supervisor is right or wrong and would really appreciate some outside perspectives. My worries about this have been so strong that I’m considering quitting complex trauma, working on my neuropsychology endorsement and just moving into assessments/interventions instead.
Thanks and apologies for length

Hello,
Unfortunately I am facing some fertility issues. I am 35 and I was aware having a mild varicocele, so I wasn't surprised by my condition.
I had my first SA done in June 2023, and it came back with: 8.2 million / ml, 31 million in total, 49% progressive motility, 3% morphology
After that I started to take vitamins and stuff, but my second SA (December 2023) wasn't good either: 9.8 million / ml, 30 million in total, 37% progressive motility, 3% morphology DNS fragmentation was 16%
I decided to get my varicocele embolization to pump up the numbers. This happened in January 2024.
After 4 months, few days ago (May 2024) I did another SA to see if there are any improvements, and I'm really sad, because almost everything just got worse: concentration dropped to 7.1 million / ml, progressive motility to 7% (!!!) and morphology to 0% (!!!). Only the total number increased to 48 million. Vitality is also good, around 90%.
I have to add my T levels are well above average, free testosterone, FSH, LH, prolactin, estradiol, SHBG are and were all normal. (I regularly monitored them.) I also take a LOT of vitamins: a complex multivitamin, a fertility supplement, Tongkat Ali, Fenugreek, Q10.
One more thing: I've been taking ibuprofen (ADVIL) and diclofenac (VOLTAREN) for my knee pain the past 1.5 months. Also I have a mild reflux (maybe the stress) and I'm taking farmotidine (PEPCID) currently. I've read that NSAIDs can cause problems, but I it can't be that they are the sole cause.
Can anyone give me any advice what to do now? How can I get back my motility and morpholigy levels?
Can it be that I take TOO MUCH vitamin / supplements? Or do varicoceles improve like this, I mean getting worse and then better? Please help me, if you can!
Thanks!

I recently got my Samsung 940X5N laptop back from a pawn shop, and the battery was dead. Consequently, I've been using it while connected to the charger. Upon returning home, I updated the system to Windows 11. As expected, each time I start the computer, I receive a warning about the battery's condition. Subsequently, I began to encounter random shutdowns during use; the laptop would turn off, restart, and return to the login screen. Initially, I attributed this to the battery, knowing that many modern laptops require a functional battery even when plugged in.
However, after reading an article about certain laptops having issues with Windows 11, particularly kernel shutdowns and other problems, I began to question if that could be the cause of my laptop's random shutdowns. Although I didn't experience the Blue Screen of Death, I decided to revert to Windows 10, which is reportedly more compatible with tablet/touchscreen devices like mine. Since the rollback, which was three days ago, I haven't had a single random shutdown. I'm sharing this in case others are facing similar issues.

The manual states that race conditions could happen on the bus, but fails to clarify this. Also, no real Jaguar hangs due to this.
Jaguar has a single system clock, but some slow components on it, like RAM or 68k, Jerry interface. For this Tom has a file of registers for wait states. So if anyone wants some data from these components, the address is put on the bus, and then Tom waits long enough for the data response to appear on the bus. Now, on the bus there are also lines called “acknowledge” . Memory does not drive them. Maybe 68k does? So 68k may sometimes need more time? This acknowledge signal may have over a cycle delay to the clock and Tom may have a problem to decide at which cycle it arrived. Apparently, Atari did not correct all mistakes from the Panther, but continued to use the unreliable bus of the 68k .
Also bus requests and interrupts would be synchronous. CD controller and network controller need to follow the system clock ( or some integer fraction of it ). Controllers are polled: async, but we’ll know upper timing boundary.
Maybe CD does not work because Matsushita has their own clock? Maybe network is unreliable because it tries to lock on the clock from the sender, but fails? How large is a game network package anyway? Maybe the sender can repeat it once, and the receiver uses FFT to detect the exact phase. Could even check for harmonics, but I doubt that the frequency of two Jaguars differ so much that a small package changed lengths by more than a cent of a bit.

Anyone having simillar symptoms?
Hi,
I was extremely adicted to porn and masturbation. I had OCD. Due to ocd many times I pushed myself to masturbate again right after ejaculation. As time gone i observed that I usually ejaculate with almost flacid penis. My sperm became watery and clear even after two week abstinating. My orgasm became less intense even after abstination. When I realised that i was really dumb I decided to stop masturbating. during first three months of abstination sexual drive really dropped. Almost no libido, no morning hard woods. I became attracted to anything nor porn nor human. Nothing turn me hard.
Now if i try to masturbate i never get arroused and spontaneous erection from it. I have to use my hand to get at least "somehow" erected. Iam able to ejaculate almost with flaccid penis after 20 seconds of masturbation. After ejaculation i feel really "soft" weak orgasm. Right after orgasm i feel really depressed, iam so down that i feel no reason to have sexual arrousal ever again. I can hardly say wether the orgasm was pleasurable or not. Has anyone sufferd from simillar problems? I have done myself complete blood test to check my hormones and everything is in range.
When i started abstination i can last unlimited time without sexual arrousal. I completely lost ability to feel some "tease" from sexual content/object. More i tried to abstinate it became worse and worse. If i tried masturbate the strange feeling of emptyness became, i feel really tired and unmotivated. I feel like having zero testosterone levels.
I started eating extremely healthy but almost first 7 month nothing changed.
As time gone some symptoms improved. I realised that sometimes i have at least some weak morning wood. I can feel some orgasm, my sperm is still little watery but got white colour. Despite the fact that I still do not observe spontaneous sexual arrousal with erection even if i abstinate whole year, I can have some orgasm or "arrousal". But i have to use hand. My penis became somehow erected but not instantly hard. If i stop stimulating it will became flaccid in 5 seconds. Tip of penis is usually more weaker than the root. Penis is somehow erected but is rather fragile than hard. Normally years ago when i ejaculated my penis was hard for at least 20 seconds right after ejaculation but now it is complete flaccid in 2 seconds. It sometimes became flaccid in trigger point the small moment before the sperm is released.
I still feel no tease or tendency. I can suddenly stop and nothing hold me to keep the erection or arrousal, i can anytime walk off during masturbation/sex and do anything without sexual content. Nothing pulls/keep me in the sexual arrousal/erection. But if i keep and ejaculate i can feel some orgasm. It is really frustrating.
I tried some natural remedies but nothing really helped. I have already overcome porn addiction. Problem is that i have lost the request for spontaneous arrousal. I can go whole year without masturbation, porn and touching my penis but i cant get spontaneous erected or arroused from the sexual content. Even that fact i can feel the orgasm that is pleasurable but nothing pulls me to keep me arroused or erected during the process of masturbation. And after ejaculation i feel extremely empty even if i abstinated for 3 month. Iam afraid that i can get UTI or prostate infection from not releasing.
Have nice day
Iam 20 years old.
Please dont judge me . Anyone can make mistake.
Does anyone suffering from simillar symptoms?
Does anything helped you?
I know that i should visit doctor in my country but before i do i want to try without him.
Sorry for my bad english iam not native english speaker.
Thank you for your help and advices

For starters I don't like generalizations but I do feel like this title really accurately describes my life up until now.
Currently 28M and up until this day never been into a relationship, I never really had any girl tell me I look handsome or whatever. During my 20's I've been around quite a few women, and also tried to be pretty outgoing but outside from conversations I've never had any girl show any particular interest in me.
The only girls I did talk with completely friend-zoned me and afterwards just started dating different guys.
I've been extremely anxious & shy for the first 24 years of my life, after that I started to become more outgoing and instead of office jobs I started to do more social work, and it actually really improved my confidence. I also try to work-out a lot to improve my mental health since in a way I'm already pretty in shape.
I realized that I was probably depressed and also suffering from various anxiety disorders for the past 10 years without ever fully realizing it. I did often tried to self-diagnose but every time I would google up the symptoms I would only check 6/8 boxes, so I never really did anything with that. I did however try therapy in my early 20's because my academic performance was really bad, but psychiatrists blamed it on ADHD and not on severe anxiety and depression which in hindsight was more likely to be the problem.
I feel like my treatment also didn't really help too much back then because it wasn't addressing the main problems I was facing. Looking back I'm still grateful for the experience but I often feel like I could of recovered way sooner if I would of gotten myself some better support.
Even though things are slightly getting better every day is still really hard. I feel like dating is especially hard when you have no experience at my age and also my past is full of hurt, it's not like I can make it sound any better then it was.
I tried dating apps for a while but I feel like it's pointless, I really wouldn't want to use them in the first place but it's hard to get a conversation going when most women outside these days just avoid eye contact in general. I feel like it's impossible to not have body-dysmorphia these days when the standards are so high.
I do believe I'm just facially unattractive so there's not much I can do about it. Except maybe some plastic surgery which is very expensive in my country.
Anyways I've considered the fact that I'm probably going to be alone for quite some time and I do believe I can manage. However I feel like dating isn't the only problem. I also feel like people just treat you differently based on how you look, I often experience this at work where I just feel like people treat me like shit or crack jokes about me because they feel like they can get away with it.
Something I've also noticed is how people enjoy talking to you at work but completely pretend to not even know you at social settings which I find peculiar to say the least.
It's hard to not feel pretty lonely from time. And I often feel like I don't really know how to fill in all the blank space. But I guess setting goals is important too. Right now I'm just saving up money for traveling to take an essential break from life.

Hey all I am a 31F with insomnia. It started out with an eating disorder when I was 24, I was diagnosed with anorexia and where I restricted my food and would get up in the night to eat. Well, it stuck with me over the years and now I still do it. I have issues with compulsive eating through the night because i am struggling to completely fall asleep so I’ve eaten in mt sleep to help me nod off completely. Problem is it’s created me to be a complete insomniac because if I don’t do it, my brain won’t shut off. Or, for some reason won’t shut off and without dulling my brain or distracting it, by eating, I do not sleep

• I am anemic and my iron levels are dropping steadily
• I’ve been to my primary countless times
• bloodwork checked and everything looks ok other than iron
• hypnotherapy
• I have been to counseling and seen 2 therapists
• I have been considered as a possible adhd patient pending testing
• I have been prescribed Lexapro, Prozac, remeron?, wellbutrin all with bad trips (feeling like dying spiral, wanting to commit suicide and worse insomnia) and trazodone as well
• I exercise, don’t drink caffeine after 9am, feel pretty calm and happy other than my squirrel brain that dictates what I do all day and makes me lack focus
• melatonin, magnesium, l theanine all just make me more relaxed but the brain doesn’t shut off
• I lay down for bed and my brain spirals, songs play through my head, I lay there with my body completely calm to a point I feel almost paralyzed but my MF brain is on, for hours until around 3/4am it finally gives up

And- -im losing hope and I want help. - im tired of binge eating every night in order to dull my brain down to go to sleep…
My question for you all is I’m a newbie and have never smoked marijuana. I’m at my wits end with my insomnia and i am willing to try about anything. Has anyone experienced similar symptoms that were alleviated by Marijuna? Im not for smoking but have been offered edibles or gummies but have no idea where to start. Im talking when to do it, how much, what to take, specifics.

I'm really sorry if this topic is worn out already, but I accidentally came across a video where a person who was supposedly autistic, publicly making fun of a girl whose autism was actually disabling her. Being all like, "HAHA lmaoo autism is soo cool!!! I love collecting things :3333". There were a few comments where people defended that girl, but many of them were calling autism "cool" and said how much they loved it.
I just... I feel really upset over it. I was always visibly autistic (no matter how much I tried to mask), and autism was always disabling for me. I mean, I love my special interests but even then they can affect me badly, because this is the only thing I can ever talk about. I'm over 20 years old, and I'm still very very dependent on my mom, and can't do much without her help.
I can't really tell where I stand though. I was diagnosed with autism 3 years ago, but was told I was overexraggating my symptoms... because I present as a girl. And you know, GIRLS can function much better than BOYS!!! There's nooo way I'd have such awful problems right??? And strangely enough, I wasn't given any support either besides for... well, meds. They didn't do anything besides for making me feel worse.
I'm getting a second opinion in June though. I'm sorry if I suddenly went off-topic, but you guys get my point right? I just really feel upset people treat autism as some "quirky" and "silly" personality trait while it's an actual disability that can badly impact your life. It's not like I wasn't pushed aside from autistics who have low support needs either, all because I'm just too weird for them. I find this sub so much more welcoming than any other autistic sub I was on. I don't even want to post it on other autistic subs because I can already tell how people are going to scream at me for my autism presenting as disability than a quirky silly identity. So... I hope there's no problems with me ranting on this sub. I just don't feel welcome anywhere else.

(Note, this is one of those long, loooong “I went to Greece and this is what I did” post)
I've wanted to go to Greece since I was young. I wrote in my diary when I was 17 that I would go one day and exactly 10 years later I would actually go. Took me 4 years to save up. So I'm very happy.
I have 9 days there, 27th APR to 5th MAY
I arrived very early on the first day which is the 27th with my one backpack and one daypack, and went to Keramikos right away. Had ice cream on the way because I craved sweets after 17 hours traveling. I really love it there and it, along with Delphi, are my most favorite places I visited. I really like how tranquil it is, and I really like the museum and also the tortoises too. I had a dream about tortoises that night. Then I stopped and ate a Greek salad. I learned how to compliment food in Greek and made the waiter laugh lol. The second place I went to is the Agora and the temple of Hephaestus. The whole area is very beautiful, but I accidentally fell asleep and didn’t realize I was sitting where I shouldn’t be sitting but luckily someone woke me up. Felt bad about it :/ Well, anyway, I looked at the museum in the agora too. I really like the big shield (I didn’t know it’s a shield at first. it’s huge.). I found that I get dehydrated so quickly, so I tried to drink as often as I can. I can see the temple of Hephaestus from the agora! It look like a painting. I walked around the place, I just want to convince myself that I’m actually here first before I go to see the temple of Hephaestus. The people back home’s not gonna believe this, the temple is so pristine, so wonderfully preserved. I get to look at the inside which is not often in the pictures. Then I walked past the Monastiraki square to go to my hotel, then came out to get gyro. I slept at a hotel that night because I accidentally booked it (I intend to stay the rest of the night in Athens in a cheaper apartment).
The next day was the 28th May, initially a day trip to Delphi but as I got there I found out my booking was cancelled due to some problem so I booked a new one on the next available day which is the 30th. Initially, the 30th was the day I intended to climb Acropolis because it’s weekday/less busy, but it’s ok! so, I left my baggage in a baggage store place, and walk to Acropolis! I was very excited, my heart beat very fast all the way up and not because I’m tired or anything. I just can't believe I’m actually here. It’s very slippery, and at one point I look and see a long walk up, so I was busy looking at the path and not looking up because I was afraid of slipping, so I get to look around only once I was at the top, and when I look down I finally saw the Herodion and it is bigger and higher up than I thought, and my hair stand up. The Acropolis was ok, but the Erechtheion have always interest me more, because again, it’s on more thing that’s bigger in real life than in pictures. The path down from Acropolis is even more slippery. There were so many musicians, it’s very lively. Met a really cool guy who dressed as Spartan warrior. I walked through the Acropolis museum. I got sad about the missing karyatid, because there were 5 of them displayed, but the vacant space they left for the 6th made me sad. I hope she will stand in that spot one day (I was already missing my sisters and family too… so it feels a little personal to me.) I got really tired then so I ate another salad but this time an Athenian salad. Then I climbed Philopapou! I noticed a tall monument from the top of the Acropolis and wanted to see what it is. On the way I visited the prison of Sokrates, and then this clearing called Pnyx, and it's windy there and got a lot of shade so I slept a while before going to the top of it. Well the monument is beautiful and tall. I can't believe that, compared to the rest of the places I visited before, this monument is considered new. I got lost a bit on the way down (I didn’t go down the way I came. there is a path from the monument and I wanna see where it goes). and um, something happen on the way down. A man asked me if I want to get a coffee with him. I politely declined but that’s the first time in my hideous person life that someone ‘flirt’ with me. People don’t do that, unless as a joke. So I feel weird I guess but not bad at all. Anyway I was so tired so I call taxi with the app Freenow. it’s decent price, I think. I goes to get my baggage and walk to the apartment I’ll be staying and I found a “super food market” on the way (near Temple of Olympian Zeus) and I got some energy bars there. I watched the Temple of Zeus from behind the gate (I didn’t pay to go inside) and see the statue of Alexander the Great on the way. I wash my cloth at the apartment and ate instant rice porridge I brought from home (I was on budget, I can’t eat out every meal).
On the 29th May I woke early so I can have breakfast and hot tea because I got a little sick last night. It’s usually 35 degree celsius in my country so I’m not used to the cold. The tour office is just a few minutes walk from my apartment. I get to sit in the front of the bus and see in front, not just on the side! I’m excited because the route is ancient route, like there are temples on the way, and pass by Eleusis (I really like the book “The King must Die” by Mary Renault and it’s a location for important part of the story about Theseus) After a brief stop where I get to walk to the bridge across the Corinth canal, I finally got to Epidaurus. The theatre there is so unreal. Climbed to the top and still hear the ‘clink!’ of someone dropping a coin on the orchestra below. Museum is pretty, and the fact that almost all the statues are missing their heads are kinda eerie. there are so many medical tools in the museum too. Really made me realized about the fact that people nowaday come to Epidaurus for the theatre but people long ago come here to be treated for their illness. Very difference purposes. The tour stopped at Nafplio for lunch. Had grilled dish and learned how to squeeze lemon on meats. Also went to pharmacy to get something for a sore throat and a face mask. An hour later I was in Mycenae archeological site! I really looked forward to see the Lion gate and it did not dissappoint. Bigger and taller than I imagined. 2 years ago I painted a picture of the Lion gate, and I tried walking around for an angle that fit the one in my painting. I took one, and when I put the pictures and the painting side by side, it’s almost the same angle, just different lighting! (It was morning in my painting, but mid day when I took the picture) It’s very intimidating and I imagine it must have been very scary to defeated enemies or captives, being brought into this city and looking up from their chains to see the lions. The tomb of Atreus is chilling. Both because it’s cold inside but also because it’s, well, a tomb. A large and important one. Overall, Argolis is a beautiful region, a lot of plains and very windy. Once again very tired when I got back to my apartment, but I get to wash my hair!
The 30th is my long-awaited Delphi day tour. Like I said, this was originally on the 28th but due to problem with, I think, the app I used to book it, it got cancelled without me knowing, and the tour company is very helpful and helped me book it for a very fair price, but I’ll just have to buy tickets myself. It’s a longer drive this time, but the sceneries is beautiful. I LOVE mountains, so the views interests me all the way there (even if I didn’t get to sit in the front, and the window is tinted so it’s a little dark) I really admire bus drivers in Greece. The mountain path is narrow in the village on the way, but they’re all very good drivers. It’s quite cold up there. There are caterpillar silk nest on the pine trees that look like cotton candies. Delphi is… um, it’s like it’s not in this world. It’s like it’s from another world, and maybe you could say that it is, it’s from the world in the past, or something. I felt as if I was in a dream. I can’t explain it, but it make the place all quiet and tranquil despite all the wind and the tourists. Like there are tourists, but it also feel as though they don’t exist, but it’s doesn’t feel vacant either, but instead there’s “presence” all around that doesn’t come from the tourists. I understand now why the people in the past believe that this is center of the world, or believe that gods were here. The tour guide said to meet at the museum in an hour and a half, and I really want to go see the small temple to Athena, just beyond the athletes area, but I was afraid I wouldn’t go to the tour guide in time so I didn’t go. Kinda regrets it. Anyway I fell in love at the museum in Delphi. The artifacts inside are gorgeous, I particularly love the sphynx and the charioteer (bought a postcard of it back home) but none as gorgeous as the statue of Antinous. He’s beautiful and I’ve never seen a boy more lovely than him, even the living ones. I seen the stone that contain a ‘sheet music’ and lyrics. I remember that melody, because I played a game called Assassin’s Creed Origin once and the musician NPCs sometimes plays this music. It’s good to finally see the ‘sheet music’ itself! Had a bit of a late lunch and had feta cheese salad, it’s delicious. Another long drive back, where I get to nap a bit.There’s a dessert place nearby where I tried some pastry and then a convenient store where I bought pudding from a freezer. Greece only have 3 Lays flavours that I’ve seen but a lot of bars of grains and cereal to choose from which I really enjoy (especially the ones with honey)
On the May day, I pack my things and checked out, again with my backpack on the back and daypack on the front. I called a taxi this time, before the strike happen, so I can go to the national archeological museum. I know the museum already have place to deposit backpacks. I walked around for about 4 hours. Everything is pretty even if I was still thinking about Antinous. Everything is amazing to me there. I like to be reminded of the fact that it’s really human’s nature to make pretty things. I visited the museum giftshop too. I travelled alone with little space so I know I shouldn’t buy lots of souvenirs, but I did get a lot of postcards because I like them, and allow myself one book. Had a heated gyros outside, just a quick bite, while I wait for a ‘break’ in the strike, then take the taxi to Spata, near the airport, because I have a very early flight tomorrow. I booked a room there that’s really huge (it’s a bit expansive, because there are flight change so I had to find new hotel.) Since I arrived in the early evening, I get to wash my cloths and see it dry before the night. It’s really really cold out here now. I get to rest the whole evening and eat the food I bought earlier. (I took a foldable tupperware with me. I use them to pack lunch for work but this trip I used it to pack leftovers from tavernas). I sleep early and was kinda nervous about the flight, but I woke early too.
on the 2nd of May, I booked a taxi on Freenow since the day before so by the time the taxi arrive, I was already standing outside waiting. Again, I shouldn't have gone out to wait early and should've stayed inside the building until the taxi arrived, because it's so cold, and I think this got me sich later. The flight went well and took me to Herakleion safely. I have a little problem finding which bus goes to the city but I found it and arrived safely to the center too. I took the bus number 2 to Knossos! I got very excited when I see the road sign that indicated that Knossos was just ahead. I ate first though. I had moussaka. I bought an audio guide because I want to try touring using an audio guide, and the direction was confusing, maybe because it's not updated. I ended up walking around and around trying to find the spot the tour was talking about. Knossos is as I expected. It was mostly reconstructed, but I still had a lot of fun imagining what it could look like, and thinking about the people that lived there. It means something to me because I've always been obsessed with the minotaur since I was little, since before knowing what country the story come from. So seeing something related to, or even potentially the origin of the tale, has been super exciting to me, and also because, as I mentioned, I really like Renault's “The King Must Die”. I really love it there. The review said it’s not authentic and I agree, but to me, it matters enough that I’m here, so I’m very happy with that. Unfortunately, I spent so much time in Knossos that I didn’t spent as much as I want in Herakleion musuem! Still feel bad about that. But I get to see the bull leap frescoes, and all the pots and vases and statues with bulls on it. There’s so many thing with bulls, like a statue and a really beautiful bull head vessel and a small statuettes with people grabbing on a bull’s horns. I really love them all. I get to see the real vase with octopus. I have a blanket with Minoan octopus on it, it’s good to see the real thing. I got a tiny bronze bull replica of the one in the museum. It’s small so it doesn’t weight much. Unfortunately, for the rest of my journey, I’d be sick. It start with sore throat that evening, which progress into symptoms of sinusitis. I had to visit the pharmacy again. Hot tea didn’t help this time, my nose was too dry for too long and I think I’ve been cold for too long as well.
The 3rd of May is holiday, I know this, so I pick this as the day to travel to Chania via bus and explore Chania. I woke up when I’m ready because I’m in no rush today. I ate all the supplies I had for dinner and breakfast to make my pack light, so I head out of the hotel and walk to the bus station. I waited a while, feeling myself getting more sick. It was about 3 hours to Chania with no bathroom break so I suffered a bit, but wow, the landscape of Crete is so much different from Attika. It’s less trees and more of large bushes. All the way, the right side is the sea, and the left is the mountain. It’s beautiful. I miss the cypress though, there are less cypress in Crete. On the way though! I saw a goat with a really big horns. I think it’s one of those Cretan wild goat, which I was excited to see at Samaria gorge. I had to use the bathroom real quick after I arrived. The bus stop is near my hotel, but it’s not time to check in yet, so I went and had lunch by the harbour. Look pretty just like in the pictures I’ve seen! I had calamari and sakanagi. It’s so delicious and refreshing. They have rice which is different from the one in my country, the rice is tiny and round and cuter than the white fluffy rice at my home. I was so full. I learned about how, after you asked for the bill, they’ll give you dessert first so I really look forward to it. I got a really good dessert too, and had to sit a while because I’m so full. I walked to the hotel, and there are two identical entrance. Luckily the staff was there and show me the right entrance. My room for the last 3 nights is small and cozy, really love it. I hope to eat out at dinner, but unfortunately, by that time, my sickness got so bad, I can only walk to the nearby supermarket and buy a salad and tea with honey. Tomorrow I was supposed to go hike the Samaria gorge. I’m a regular person, I wasn’t super fit, but I’m not a weakling either, and I have hiked in my country several times but it’s a different climate (hot and wet tropical jungle, not dry and cold) and I got Covid once which got my health down so bad that I had trouble even walking up stair but I bounced back since then. But this hike is a bit longer than my longest hike, so I trained myself for it for about 6 months and got fitter than I’ve ever been. I was so ready, sooooo ready. But that night, I had to emailed them to cancelled the hike because I got a bad fever, and my throat is all red. I just tried making myself feel comfortable all night. It’s a sad 4th of May, but I got better in the evening! When I’m sure I was well, I went out. Tomorrow everything will close again so this is my last chance to buy souvenirs. I got more postcards and, since I couldn’t go to Samaria to see the goats, I bought myself a little goat plushie that have “Love Crete” embroidered on his back. I would love if I could buy plushie from different countries I visited, of an important animals of that place (I got an emu from when I was in Australia) and for dinner, there’s this place called To Xani that I’ve read review of and wanted to try so I went. I have rabbit stifado because I’ve never tried rabbit. It’s like chicken but less fat and more sweet, to me. So far, that’s my favourite dish of all I’ve tried in Greece. That night, I planed to go to church and see how Christian celebrates Easter, but unfortunately, as the night gets late, I got sick again, so I went to sleep.
The 5th, my last day, is my relaxing day, which initially I want to use it to stroll around the city and chill. Instead I lay sick almost all day. I haven’t eaten the Cretan dish on my list yet, which is last one left on my list; Cretan pie. So I went out anyway during the evening and ordered a takeaway to eat at my hotel. At least I’m happy with that, especially because I stopped to watch the sun set for the last time before I leave tomorrow.
I pre-booked a taxi which take me to the airport. I flew from Chania to Athens, then I switched to another airline that take me home, with a 4 hours stop at Istanbul. during the longest leg of the flight, which is Istanbul to my home, I got more sick so rapidly (I think the cold and dry cabin air got me) I feel so guilty because I was afraid I might make other people sick too. (I wear mask all the time). 28 hours after I left my hotel in Chania, I got home safe with a new goat friend.
So, that’s my adventure! I’m not sure why I got that sick.It’s not covid though. I noticed that the dry climate made me thirsty very often and I think maybe I was dehydrated? Or is it simply the cold? Or maybe I caught something from Greek people because I noticed a lot of people were sneezing. Is it the season? I noticed some olive trees have flowers when it’s supposed to bloom in summer, so there’s an unusual weather and that make people sick and I caught something from them?
Next time I’ll bring some medicines of my own because medicines are expansive there. Next time, I’ll be better prepared. I want to go back again, because I haven’t seen everything yet. And especially have not hiked Samaria yet. Maybe next time, I’ll go when it’s warmer, but not in the middle of European people’s summer holiday, because I don’t like too many people.
Anyway, the trip may have ended badly, but over all it’s still a wonderful trip. I learned a lot about traveling, I become motivated to start another side hustle so I can make more money to travel, I learned about life outside my country. It’s also worth everything I have been doing to get here too. Overall, I’m very very happy, and can see myself going back there again.
Actually, during the time I prepare for this trip, one of the preparation is learning how to speak Greek. I learned on free online sources, and I’m proud that I get to speak Greek to Greek people (say things like "This food is delicious" "I like it" "the weather is cold" "I'm traveling for ten days")
I think people will ask because somehow some people can tell, so I’ll answer first, yes i have autism. I don’t expect many people to read to the end but thank you if you do. English is not my first language so I'm sorry for grammar mistakes that I made. Feel free to talk about your own experience too because I always love hearing about it. I’m from Thailand by the way.

Calf muscle tightness or stiffness is a commonly overlooked suffering in patients with lower limb problems. They will approach the physician for conditions that are as a result of calf tightness & the cause remains unaddressed. There are many such conditions but to name some:

• Plantar fasciitis
• Heel Spur
• Hallux Valgus
• Varicose veins
• Swelling around ankle & foot
• Flat feet
• Knee pain

Calf tightness is suggestive of overuse of the muscles & the overuse is due to the mismatch between the working capacity of that muscle and the physical activity (domestic, professional, recreational & exercises) of the user:

• Sedentary lifestyle, awkward feet postures, & high heeled footwear create inefficiencies in those muscles and such muscles when exposed to physical activity more than their inefficiency will experience fatigue & become tight.
• Sudden exposure to unaccustomed physical activity
• Overenthusiasm to become fit or reduce weight

Calf tightness also occurs in other situations like:

• Injury to the foot/ankle or some other body part of same leg or other leg (compensatory)
• Prolonged rest
• Muscle imbalances - peripheral or central

To reduce calf tightness & improve flexibility

• undertake lifestyle modifications in activities such that the loads are less on that muscle
• correct events that are creating inefficiencies
• wear appropriate footwear so the muscle is under less tension
• improve flexibility by regular movement breaks and stretching exercises
• enhance strength by undertaking functional training

There are fundamental metaphysical and ontological superiority of the Advaita view over Buddhism. The debates undertaken by Acharya Shankara (Acharya) against Buddhists were on questions of logic, phenomology, ontology and metaphysics. Without superiority of logic and inference, it was not possible to defeat the nihilistic schools of thought like Buddhism. The arguments between Shankara and Buddhists were technical, complex and long-drawn. But I have attempted a simpler version for our understanding of the basic positions of Advaita versus Buddhism (All Schools) in a modern set-up.
[nb. Gautam Buddha (Gotama/Tathagata/Sakyamuni) is one of the greatest reformer of Vedic religion. Though he was a heretic who rejected and discarded the magnificent Vedas; yet his contribution to the Vedic Hindu system is immense. Like, Acharya Shankara, Tathagata Gotama is immensely revered.]
[The Acharya invites a learned Buddhist Monk to a cup of coffee and of course, debate over respective Schools of Thought!]
Acharya: How was your day?
Buddhist Monk: The question is immaterial and irrelevant.
Acharya: Oh! Will you kindly state why do you say so?
Buddhist Monk: The workaday life is just a passing illusion. The so-called “manifold world” of material and mental elements arises solely through the causal co-operation of the transitory factors of existence (Called Dharmas) those depend functionally upon each other. Since, the material and mental universe arises through the concurrence of forces that are not permanent, the so-called World is not permanent. Everything that we call “world” are illusory, momentary. [He lays down the Sarvastivada, or, Sautrantika view of Buddhism]
Acharya: Oh. Heavy fire! Let me rephrase you. So what you are basically saying is that the perceived World is momentary; just an illusion – ever changing, and that there is no permanent essence of anything anywhere of the empirical Universe, be it mental or material, cognitive or non-perceptive.
Buddhist Monk: Yes, that’s the statement. Everything in the empirical world is only a stream of passing Dharmas, which are mere processes - impersonal and evanescent processes. These Dharmas can be characterized as Anatta (Anatma - Bereft of Self), i.e., being without a persisting self, without independent existence. [The Dharma theory of Buddhism]
Acharya: Ok. I get your point of view about momentariness, impermanence and Anatta. May I ask you a very simple question? When you started the sentence “The Question is immaterial and irrelevant” – it was immaterial and irrelevant to whom? What or who is the Subject to whom those perceptions appeared?
Buddhist Monk: (Enraged) To no one in particular. There is nothing more to this alleged (sic) world’s existence than the co-ordinated flux of wide variety of elemental, co-dependent factors (Dharmas), which bring forth collective experience of world-consciousness in individual and universal aspects. So, the perception occurred to some non-existent entity.
Acharya: Ok! Hypothetically accepting your view, tell me Monk, who is the witness to these arising of dependent elements? Who/what is the witness to the flux? Against what the flux is not static? If you are moving in a train at the same speed with another train, you will see both trains as stationary. A perception of speed requires comparison with a stationary object. Likewise, perception of flux requires a changeless object for measure of standard. Who/What is that?
Buddhist Monk: I object! What is the necessity of a Witness? That too, eternal permanent witness?! No way such a thing exists. People die and their trace vanishes, things get broken, Worlds get destroyed – all without leaving trace. Where is permanence?
Acharya: Hold your breath, Holy Monk. A witness is necessary in order to have a cognition of any phenomenon – take the event of your momentariness or flux. A witness can only say something is transitory or momentary. If there is no Witness, who would perceive and who would make a statement?
(This is one of the greatest novel argument of Acharya, his own contribution to logic and metaphysics – “Who is it that who sees and says Everything is impermanent – That entity has to present, existent and permanent”)
Buddhist Monk: If you say there has to be a Witness, who will witness that witness? How would you establish that Witness exists? What you say is wrong because there will be infinite regress. You say a Witness is necessary to claim cognizance. Fine, then tell me, who will say that there is a Witness? Where will this infinite loop end? In your Theory, everything has to be present to make the Witness known. This is nothing but Dependent Origination.
Acharya: Dear Friend, there is no logical necessity (Akanksha) for something to grasp the grasper. The witness stands self-proved. (This is one of the greatest sources of Pramana – Arthapatti as used by the Acharya)
Buddhist Monk: Even if there is any Witness, that entity; material or intellectual will be momentary, ever-changing, always in flux. So, one can’t say there is any witness at all.
Acharya: You seem to insinuate that everything is momentary and transitional – the flux keeps on changing every nano-second, the reality changing every nanosecond just like waves of sea erase the previous impressions in sand made by the preceding wave. So, who is there who perceives and makes this claim that Nothing is permanent?
And, against what standard you measure permanence relative to impermanence? Everything is impermanent relative to what? If everything if temporary, then how would the concept of any sort of permanence even arise? What is the ground for you to stand on? What is the reference point? Against what measuring rod will you judge impermanence?
Monk, Even to say Nothing exists, there has to be a relative plane of Existence. Else against what would you say Nothing exists, if you don’t know what Existence is? And when you say non-being is there – so logically, non-being exists – impermanence is permanently there, you are putting yourself in serious logical snare. Don’t you think by negating everything you are caught in an absurd redux? The entire Theory of Impermanence is erroneous.
Agreed what one sees or perceived is fleeting, transitory. But then how do you create your own locus standi for the transitoriness to be perceived? Who is the witness, the spectator? There has to be One. The primordial ground, the eternal essence, which is at the basis of everything and from which the whole world has arisen (the Brahman of the Upanishads). There is no void, all that exists is Fullness, Brahman. The world is not non-existent (Asat), but it is illusory (Mithya) meaning, it exist, but appears to us other than what is really is because of Ajanan (Ignorance), Avidya (Nescience) and Maya (Illusions).
Buddhist Monk: (Causes digression because there is no reply to this argument) Come on, then where is the proof that there is something permanent, some ever-present continuum?
Acharya: Yes, I will. The answer is in anusmrteh cha [Brahm Sutra - II.ii.25:] meaning “In memory too”. All of us have memories of good experiences, bad ones, many-a-times shared memories. Now let me ask you something Monk. If you say everything is momentary, how do you explain memory? Memory falsifies your entire base. The [Buddhist] doctrine of momentariness must imply momentariness of the perceiver as well as of the perceived, an implication which the phenomenon of memory proves to be wrong and completely false. If both perceived object and the perceiver change, there would be no connect – and there would not be any case for memory! Because the entire scene changes – so every moment Man should rise and ask Who am I? Where am I? If the man who remembers is different from the man who apprehended we would never have such notions as "I saw it." – both ‘I’ (Subject) and ‘it’ (Object) would have changed over the moment. Phenomenon of memory shows that your basic tenets are wrong. The theoretical edifice has been created on a false foundation.(You notice how he brings in the Atman theory (first bolded sentence) indirectly. What does Shankara mean? He is attacking Buddhists who think of the ‘I’ sense in the following manner: I …. I…. I (where the ‘I’ sense does not exist during the dotted time period). What Sankara is arguing is that how do these Buddhists know that the series is not I1…I2…I3 etc where I1, I2, I3 are three different ego-consciousnesses? How can there be a stable personality which remembers a unique past or recognises old friends if the ego is unstable? In fact it is these Buddhists who need an unchanging principle (the Atman) that witnesses everything for all time (i.e. even during the gaps in ego-consciousness). Only if this Atman exists can Buddhists avoid problems regarding stability of personality. Otherwise a person who is Rama at one moment will consider himself Lakshmana in the next moment after the ego comes back. If these Buddhists now say that the ego-consciousness is stable and not momentary in order to save themselves from this conundrum then they have refuted themselves. Sankara then goes on to say that he can give a similar argument refuting Buddhist realists who regard the external world to exist momentarily. Even in this case of a momentary external world you will need an Atman (an unchanging witness for all time) to give stability to our perception. So in either case you need the Atman principle to make sense of our experience)
Buddhist Monk: Ok. Fair Point. I can’t argue against that. If I say there is perception, there has to be a perceiver. That’s exactly why I say there is neither an object of perception nor a perceiver. The World is unreal. Do you deny the unreality of the outer world?
Acharya: No. Here I am in full agreement with you. The so-called world is unreal to the extent of what we ordinarily see. The names and forms (Nama-Roopa) are fleeting.
[This is a unique and great similarity between Acharya’s Vedanta and the Buddhist ontological world view – Illusoriness of external World]
But it does not mean that there is no basis to this unreality. Not “Sarvam kshanikam kshanikam - Sarvam Shunyam Shunyam”!
[That is the fundamental difference between Acharya’s Advaita (Singularity of existence) Vedant and the Buddhist Nihilistic (Absence of existence) view]
You are wrong again Friend, because in Vijnanavada, you dwell on ‘only & mere’ perception to make the entire conscious Universe. If you have presumed perception, then whose perception? Perception of what? How can you presume and base your theory on the effect only, without looking at the causes? Such a theory is inadequate, inaccurate and false. The Great Gotama too fell into that trap of not inquiring deep enough. To formulate a simple theory, he ignored to delve into the true cause of suffering – the cause of suffering is not desire or attachment per se – but those are intermediate causes. Like a link in a chain. There is still another layer to the inquiry into desires, attachment, and bondage – that is Avidya and Ajnana. The nescience and ignorance cause desire and attachment. Gotama failed to see the true enemy.
Buddhist Monk: [Fuming) How can you question the Tathagata? He was omniscient (A Buddhist axiom).
Acharya: What proof is there that Tathagata Gotama was omniscient? I say No, he was not. And look at me, I am beyond suffering. So, how do you refute me? This Buddhist axiom is completely wrong.
Anyways, our coffee has arrived. Take this cup in your hand Shaman. What do you see?
Buddhist Monk: I see nothing actually. This apparent cup with apparent coffee in it, these, at the deepest layer are made up of discrete individual particles. The deepest level of both the material world and our consciousness is considered to be discrete, separate entities. Thus when we introspect into the deepest layer of our consciousness, we will find that it is composed not from a single homogenous whole but of discrete ‘particles’ – always in flux, always changing – never permanent.
Acharya: (Smiles) Oh, Dear Friend. I get your point. True there is no real cup – the cup is nothing but made up of clay – clay given another form and shape with heat. So, there is clay inside the cup. The cylindrical object (roopa) is the mere appearance which we have named a cup (Nama), there is no Cup as such, but clay in another form. I fully agree when you said You didn’t see a cup. But I disagree when you failed to see the clay in the cup. You can never assume clay out. No matter how deep will you go, there has to be a smaller and smaller entity which will exist. You can not extend the hair-splitting to non-existence. In the final split, something has to exist. And it does exist. Whatever it is, Quantum calls those particles, String people call those Strings, Relativists call those Energy – whatever name you may call, there has to be something that exists. It was there when the Universe started with Big Bang, it was there before it too (else how could the Big Bang singularity have started), it was always there, it is there in everything, it will always be there. We are all made up of Star dust. That star which existed in Big Bang, from which elements got created, from which Space came out. That is the Truth Dear Friend, you can’t assume that out only because you don’t see the subtlest level. You have stopped your quest before you reached the ultimate stage. Yes, particles may be there (Vaishesika friend tells me), particles may be in flux where you wont know what exactly is happening to them (Mister Schrödinger will tell you after 1300 years); but don’t get deluded – there is something that is still more subtle, and pervades everything. Everything can not come out of Nothing. The deepest Truth is Single, homogenous, a whole (Purnam).
Buddhist Monk: Oh. What is the proof, Acharya?
Acharya: Proof. I can offer you Shruti pramana (Scriptures as proof). But you and Tathagat are heretics, you don’t believe in the primacy of Shrutis.
To us, words of Shruti are unquestionable. Even the other day, Mandan Mishra (The great MImanshak) agreed to the same. The Vedas, the Shruti Shastra, the Puranas, Smriti, all teach an ens realissimum (an entity of highest reality) as the primordial cause of all existence, from which everything has arisen and with which it again merges, either temporarily or forever. And that sub-stratum always exists. Know my friend, that is the Only Truth, and Nothing but the Truth – the Sat-Chit-Ananda – the Brahman. “Sarvam khalvidam brahma' that is “All this is indeed Brahman” – and not Sarvam Shunyam Shunyam.
But for you My Friend, here is the argument. Everyone has the notion "I am"; no one can deny the self, because when you go to deny – there would be the self of the denier – who would scale up the denial.
[Both these arguments, that of the Witness and that of Identity, are at the very center of Acharya Shankara's system of Advaita Vedanta]
The Acharya Continued:
“Brahmaivedam amritam
Purastad brahma pascad brahma
Dakshinatas cottarena
Adhas cordhvam ca prasritam
Brahmaivedam visvam idam varishtham
Translation:
“That Brahman is Eternal.
Brahman in front and Brahman in back,
In the South, on the North,
Also Overhead and Below - expanded,
This Brahman is the Universe, this is the Greatest.”
-Mundaka Upanishad, Mundaka II.Khanda 2.Shloka 12
In other words, that supreme Brahman effulgence spreads throughout both the material and spiritual
That Brahman is known by multifarious names My Friend! People see it as Atma, as Ishwara, as Aum - the Pranav, as Prjnanam, there are many names. But there is nothing in those names. [Om Tat Sat]
I will add here my Friend, your Mahayana Buddhist scripture preaches the existence of the "Tathagata Garbha" (Buddha-Matrix/Essence) within all sentient creatures. This Mahasanghikas (Sect of Buddhism) notion of Tathagata Garbha is so close to Advaitic concept of Atman – the manifestation of Brahman in jeeva. This does not differ from a permanent Atman, though you never accept it!! You accept the Advaitic view by altering the nomenclature!
Buddhist Monk: (Started to leave the debate in fury. Acharya requests him to finish coffee). By Gotama! It’s so hot. My lips are burnt.
Acharya: Stop here. What did you say? Your lips are burnt? You are suffering, are not you? But at the same time you say there is no Soul. So, who is suffering? Buddhaghosa (Classical Theravada) has said that “there is only suffering, but nobody who suffers”, Mahayanist Śhantideva has interpreted Buddha that “the person who experiences suffering does not exist”. Is not that a ridiculous proposition? So why all these teachings? For whom? Who were Tathagata’s subjects?

Buddhist Monk: Come on Acharya! You too teach the unreality as cause of suffering and grief and pain. The world is nothing but an idea – a dream-like construct where nothing is real (Idealism in Buddhism/Vijnanavada). And now why do you criticize our unreality while professing yours?
Acharya: No. You have not understood the true essence of Advaita then. The unreality of external world that I teach is not based on nothing (It is not Nihilist). My unreality does not base on absence of reality – but on flawed perception of reality. Unlike you, I don’t say there is NO reality at all! I say there is reality and only ONE reality, but the way we perceive or take cognizance is erroneous because of Avidya, Ajnaan and Maya. Once the perception of snake goes away from the rope on the floor, there remain to Snake, only a rope! And there was never a Snake at all, it was rope all throughout. So, the unreal (Snake) was real till the true real (Rope) was realized. After realization, there was never a snake. Likewise, after you realize Brahman, you will experience that there was never a World of otherness. There was always Brahman, here there, inside outside. You are Brahman. It is an absolute identity and this is ultimately proved simply by psychological experience. Shruti has maintained "Tat tvam asi" (That art Thou); "Brahmasmi" (I am Brahman). This is no ‘similarity’ as if we should say, "I am something like Brahman", but full and complete identity, “I am the Brahman” and “Brahman is Me”.
The Great Tathagata saw suffering, but never endevoured to go deep into its causes. He saw the unrealness of the work-a-day, realized it fully, but he did not realize the true cause (Avidya) and the entity beyond the cause (Brahman). He did not see that strand of argument.
Buddhist Monk: Nah! Sakyamuni did not believe in philosophization or polemics. In Shoola Malunkyovada Sutta, the Tathagata has clarified that he won’t venture into questions of philosophy of suffering, but only the method as to end suffering - "The important thing is to get rid of the poisoned arrow (Suffering) that has pierced your heart, not to inquire where it came from (Source of suffering)”.
Acharya: I know. But then, what did the ilks of Nagarjuna, Vasubabdhu, Asanga, Dharmakirti, Aswaghosa, etc. do? Then why all of them attempted complex philosophisation? No wonder that they failed to bring out a holistic Theory of Being due to inherent contradictions and flaws in the basic tenets. Were they not Vipra Bhikshus (Buddhist Bhikshus at exterior, Brahmin Vedists by intellectual disposition) rather than Buddhists?

I also know the Great Buddha avoided philosophical and metaphysical questions. He did not look deep enough. He just sensed the symptoms of the ailment of suffering and not the true cause. Desire, bondage and attachment etc. are symptoms, not causes. But the Vedas and the Shruti inquired deeper – into the Source of suffering, and the method of Vedant interprets Shruti correctly by pointing out the real causes being ‘Avidya’ (Nescience), and false imputation (Adhyasa) due to Maya.
Buddhist Monk: Acharya!
Acharya: No, don’t say Nothing ever again! The Great Buddhist teachers did ‘exist’ and so did Tathagata. If you firmly believe in Tathagata; then you believe in his existence too! Their mortal embodiments were temporal, but teachings eternal, their thought eternal. That Jnana is eternal. That’s where Brahman shines. It is the light by which everything is seen, the light of which the sun and moon are pale reflections. It is not only real but so egregiously real that the work-a-day world fades into mist beside it.
Buddhist Monk: Starts to leave muttering No, No, No…..
[This is a very simple exposition. Mostly consisting of the Advaitic critique of Buddhism gleaned from various sources. A detailed account would require a thesis.]

Tek Knight is just a freak and his brain cancer has no bearing on it.
Admittedly, I’m not a brain surgeon. Also I haven’t actually watched the whole of Gen V, I just watched The Whole Truth like 2 seconds ago in Biology class. Honestly I don’t care that much about The Boys, like it’s interesting enough, I just have a hyperfixation on superheroes, especially Iron Man, and this is tangentially related. I’m posting this here because the main sub didn’t want me for reason.
Tek Knight is obviously based off Iron Man. There’s no debating that.
It’s not a stretch to assume that Tek Knight’s brain cancer thing was inspired by Marvel Ultimates’ portrayal of Iron Man where he has a brain tumor that turns into an ai/son who ultimately (ha) dies because Reed Richards discovered that Iron Man had such awful thoughts that the mind gem started growing in his brain and was removed by Quicksilver (who is in an incestuous relationship with his twin) and in the process Quicksilver also removed the brain tumor. Marvel Ultimates was wilding and it has a reboot (don’t know why they would reboot peak) and I hope Tony’s ai/son makes an appearance.
Tek Knight sucks, but Iron Man is worse. At least Tek Knight never built concentration camps in space like TS. But it’s okay because he was sad or something. I wonder if TK will put cameras in people’s showers… cuz IM did.
TK doesn’t hallucinate or anything like Ultimates!Tony Stark when he has a tumor. No, that’s not hardcore enough for Gen V. Instead he fucks anything with a hole.
According to this medical article I found, these are the most common symptoms of brain cancer:
“Fatigue, pain, anxiety and depression are the most frequently reported cancer symptoms which can be compounded by existing psychologic conditions… Primary brain tumor (PBT) patients encounter many stigmas… loss of economy due to decreased cognition, loss of functional status with motor and sensory deficits and loss of individual freedoms such as driving due to epilepsy and behavioral issues…Emotional and physical distress were the two most commonly reported domains encompassing the problems of fatigue, fears, depression, memory and concentration and worry.” CNS Oncol. 2016 Oct; 5(4): 241–249. Published online 2016 Jul 11. doi: 10.2217/cns-2016-0010
Tek Knight isn’t such a special snowflake that his brain tumor manifests other than this stuff. I swear to God. I mean, he clearly doesn’t have the other problems, save for behavior issues.
So yeah, I’m fake-claiming Tek Knight. He’s lying about having cancer, or at least lying about that one symptom. No one in the history of ever has had that symptom, Tek Knight is a fucking freak who hides behind trauma to continue his disgusting behavior. He can fool everyone but he can’t fool me.

Hello all,
I'm a 30M, 185cm white caucausian person.
I'm a past smoker (stopped when I was 24) and I drink occasionaly (at meals).
I currently take no medication at all.
I went to 6 doctors so far to try to come up with a solution for my problem and before you jump on conclusions, I highly respect doctors. I was blessed to know many of them which in deed save my mothers life throughout the years ( shes is a very sick person...) I'm just posting here to try to come out with a solution or at least to know what could be wrong with me.
Medical conditions: I have a very very deviated septum, and I have Klippel feil syndrome (C4-C6). I don't know if this is important or not, but 5 years ago, I had a nightmare and I got up really quick and turned my head to the side (had like a whiplash movement on my neck). Immediatly I got dizzy, couldn't stand up at all. As soon as I stood up I would get dizzy, very very dizzy, like my head was spinning. Took a full day (24 hours) to be able to get up. If I sat or stood, I would get dizzy but being laying down would make it ok. I didn't went to the doctor. My dad is a nurse and he told me that might be something with my ears due to the rough movement. 5 years later a doctor told me that could be a possible vertebral artery dissection which thankfully never developed into a stroke. I got a brain MRI and cervical MRA. All good.
On the cervical MRA I found out I got a 4.9mm left vertebral artery and a 2.4mm right one (all benign according with doctors).
Problem:
I get dizzy, loss of balance, head spinning sensations in specific occasions.
If I go on an elevator (more specifically going up), when the elevator stops I get the feeling of being dizzy.
Sometimes, when looking in depth, I get the feeling that my eyes are spacing out, like I lose out of focus.
Once, on a airplane take off, I got that exact same feeling and I thought I was going to pass out. As soon as the airplane went up, I got the feeling on my eyes and head that something "wasn't" following the movement and I got head spinning with nausea all flight. Thankfully it was a 50 minutes flight, but it took a day for me to feel normal. My head was spinning all day. Since then I took 2 more flights and this didn't happen. I'm having another 4 flights in the next month and I'm terrified for this to happen again.
I would just like to know what can I do to avoid this, or at least help it.
I usually put music on blast on my ears and I close my eyes on take off and it seems (so far) to be working.
And the latest, I was on a cinema looking on a panoramic screen a video of the history of our universe.
Out of the blue, the movie does a 10000x zoom out of planet earth and my eyes didn't catch up that movement, and I got insta nauseous and dizzy. I couldn't look to the movie anymore.
Is this a eye problem, is this a ear problem, is this a neurological problem?
I went to 4 ENT's, and 1 neurologist and 1 eye doctor, all said everything is normal.
The ENT's really focus on my ears and every one of them told me that in those cases could be something with my ear but when they analyze me eveyrthing is always normal.
Thanks for the attention.

Hi everyone. I have a little bit different story than everyone else here. Last year, on february 22 I woke up with sudden vision loss in my upper visual field (blurry and darker) in my right eye. 2 days later I woke up blind in that eye. Went to ER, lost more than 50% of my visual field, including center (visual acuity 0/10, so I went blind in that eye). Diagnosis was retrobulbar optic neuritis. Doctors put me immediately on intravenous steroids. Fortunately regained slowly all my visual field and visual acuity went to 10/10 uncorrected in like 3 months. Damage was done though and now I have optic nerve atrophy in that eye. Colors are desaturated, contrast is worse and vision is darker and definitely worse compared to my left eye but things could have been way worse (it's like seeing 480/720p vs 4k). So I was kinda lucky with the huge recovery I got. But then I started developing VSS symptoms in both eyes (including the healthy one). First symptom was ghosting. Then hippus (pupils dilating and contracting under the same lighting conditions). Then I started noticing palinopsia (Firstly only negative afterimages and then developed positive ones as well) . Then new floaters. Then light sensitivity. Then the snow. At first I thought I was hyperfocusing, but nope. It all started to get worse and worse with new symptoms appearing out of nowhere (trailing, vortex, nyctalopia (poor night vision, brain fog...). Basically Every symptoms of VSS. I went through almost every test. Full MRI with contrast to exclude MS (spine, brain, orbits), a shit ton of blood tests, EEG, spinal tap, Evoked Potentials (visual, somato-sensory, auditory), ERG, more than 5 OCTs. Everything appears to be normal apart from right eye optic nerve atrophy (that's expected though) and a small lesion on the right optic nerve with no enhancement with contrast. MS is excluded at the moment and so are other neurodegenerative conditions (MOG, NMO). I am currently diagnosed with Visual Snow Syndrome unrelated to optic neuritis. The thing is, my symptoms are progressive. My vision went to absolute dog shit. On paper I still see well, even better than average (15/10 vision) but in reality it's shit. Worst symptom and by far the most progressive is palinopsia (and trailing). Afterimages got so bad that I get them instantly from everything (especially static High contrast things) and the duration of the afterimages is increasing week after week. I have tried lamotrigine, went up to 150mg with no results, symptoms still got worse even on lamotrigine. Decided to stop it. Doctors don't know what it is. I left my job in January and since then I just stay in at home all day. I can't sleep, my tinnitus got very bad (I had tinnitus since age 8 that was stable through all these years and now it's getting worse as well). Going outside is a Nightmare, especially in sunny days. Every sun reflection leaves a strong afterimage (basically a blind spot) that make it hard to see. Now even headlights leave blindspots. I lost interest in everything. Can't enjoy going out, driving, photography, videogames. Nothing. All things I used to enjoy before all this BS. It seems that there is no limit to these symptoms, it's been 1 year since the first symptom I noticed and everything is progressing and getting worse. Even the snow started getting noticeably worse, especially on dark things, low lighting conditions. The palinopsia is destroying me mentally though, by far the worse symptom... I'm 25 years old. My father commited suiсide when I was 6 and he was 26. I'm pretty sure that's my fate as well. I don't have the balls to do it at the moment but eventually I might. I can't live like this. I can't adapt since the symptoms just keep getting worse. And even if they stopped progressing right now, they got too bad to adapt. I can't accept this, considering I had perfect vision a little bit more than 1 year ago. Nothing make them better. Not even benzos. I take 1mg Xanax at night, It does help a little bit with anxiety but symptoms are unaffected. I even took 8mg at once one night out of desperation, didn't even knock me out. That's pretty much my story. I don't know what else to say. My life is completely ruined. A big virtual hug to everyone going through similar BS...
P.S. Sorry for my english, hope I could explain myself well enough.

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There will definitely be a lot more posts of mine here, simply because I just finished the show today and have SO much on my mind.
I was actually in first grade when the show aired (oh WOW I'm old), watched it for the very first time in 5th grade. I watched the show throughout my teenage years, finished it once. I decided to rewatch it at 19 due to a mix of nostalgia and, my main focus, to rewatch the show in the perspective of a (more or less) adult with the experience of watching the show as a 12/14/17 year old. Adding to that: I'm not from the US & watched the show with the German Dub. There might be translation errors or cultural differences which could lead to a few misunderstandings/ me just not knowing about American culture lol.
I have done multiple interesting.. enhancements, you could say - including Speed. Rewatching the show made me SOO mad when it comes to that aspect.
Let's get my personal elephant out of the room - wtf was going on with Maya's storyline? From all I have seen Mayas parents are supposed to be these "chill, laid back, not married when getting kids, tattood" California typa parents, yet as soon as a whiff of a joint crosses their nose, they send her to some CAMP? Like, out of ALL reactions you could have head - chill parents or not - why on earth would you send your daughter SO far away?
Now, let's go to the general elephant in the room - Spencers pill popping
I do understand the motivation and reasoning behind Spencer's usage of the drug - ESPECIALLYYY coming from a household with such immense pressure. Out of the perspective from someone who's taken it before, her taking it in order to keep up with studying/ hunting A is actually the "lesser evil" or "less bad" option out of ALL out there.
What bugged me especially was everyone's reaction after finding out that Spencer was abusing speed.
Just as a reminder: You should NEVER approach a person who's drug abusing (and perhaps on drugs while they talk lmao) in a group of four, hassle around with the "evidence" (iirc they had a bottle of pills which they threw on the ground?), scream at the addict about what bad of a human being they are BECAUSE of their abuse etc.
The way the girls just did a 3v1 against Spencer is just.. disgusting.
Now let me get one thing straight: you CAN get away from drugs. You can get away from the people around you which influence you to take them. You can throw everything related to it away & act like it never happen. You can get into rehab, you can seek therapy and help from your loved ones.
That is however.. easier said than done. You can make the jump over to rehabilitation, but you need to make the jump first. That's usually the hardest step - to realize you have a problem.
During the ENTIRE plotline of Spencer being addicted, there is no one who really wanted to sit down with her and see.. her "side" of the perspective.
They could've written it so far better, implement actual aspects of being addicted. The liArs sitting down with her, hugging her and telling her that everything will be alright. Her parents thinking that they might have pressured her a little bit too much or Melissa realizing that her little sister is an addict. Toby trying to save the love of his life during hardship.
Spencer experiencing the symptoms of withdrawal, fighting against the addiction & slowly gaining more and more control of her addiction. Perhaps her doing a lot of shady stuff for drugs.
Don't get me wrong, there are scenes and important moments of Spencer doing exactly these things, like her digging through arias trash in order to find the pills.
They threw away SOO much potential. If they had taken the aspect of her addiction / Drugs in general more serious, more sympathy/empathy could've been around when it comes to drugs or addiction. It's just so.. weird and toxic the way they approached her on the drugs. Instead of giving her support, a shoulder to cry on or just.. any kind of help they just.. attack her.
Now to top ALLLL of that - the Actress of Paige, Lindsay Shaw, was on cocaine the entire time of her shooting. Later she switched to Adderall because it was easiemore accessible, Emily / Shay Mitchell tried to help her too. Apparently the producers knew about it but never talked about it.
I'm sorry, this is such a long rant but honestly... this has made me so mad lol