rewatching season 1 now and here are my thoughts. greg doesnt really seem like a stone cold murderer that targetted tanya from the start, but he did act weird in hindsight.
i think he really did have cancer in season 1 and was on a fishing trip with his buddies, he probably actually does work at the BLM, but he has a griftecowboy past. he sees an emotionally volatile, wealthy woman alone and sees an opportunity to get someone to pay for his treatment. I actually think he might have liked her sometimes, in a fuck it i have cancer might as well have fun with this "alcohlic lunatic" in tanyas words
in s2 he seems to be in remission and regretting if it was all worth it, hence the plan with the gays to get tanya to cheat on film so they can get a divorce and greg can possibly get money out of it. then when tanya showed up with portia they realized it was going to be too complicated and the gays maybe convinced greg to just off his wife and he agreed
whats your theory on greg and his intentions?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwRA_bestienhubby
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2
[New Updates] - My (26f) best friend (23f) might be in love with my husband (26m). Where do I go from here?
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, accusations of child endangerment, mentions of mental health issues, financial abuse, possible homelessness, attempted suicide, mentions of child abandonment, blackmail, assault, body injuries, attempted kidnapping
RECAP
Original Post: February 27, 2024
Throwaway because my husband stalks reddit. Also, I know he isn't cheating on me. He's at home more often than not and I have full access to his electronics as does he to mine.
Note: some identifying details have been changed to protect my privacy such as names
My husband and I have been together since we were young teenagers. We got married last year and have a six month old daughter together. She is the light of both our lives as we both came from broken homes and want a better life than we lived growing up.
My best friend came a few years later. We used to live in the same neighborhood and casually began to hang out. She lives with both her parents and siblings as she is studying to get her bachelor's degree. At first, she didn't like my husband. Said that he was clingy and tried to insert himself into our friendship. (WTF?) She was civil to him because he was my romantic partner. For context, my husband is bipolar type 2, autism and PTSD and it causes him to be a little socially awkward and miss certain social cues and taboos. I love him regardless of it all.
Over the last few years, we have been hanging out a lot more. She comes over for a few drinks, we go to movies, and even visit local attractions together. We all three have a good time, and my husband does try to make nights for just the two of us often, too.
However, last year my husband and I found out we were expecting a child together in January. I was working and fell ill because at the time, I was working a fast food place. I threw up and went to the doctor. Come to find out, I was eight and half weeks pregnant. My life changed and I had become more busy to get myself ready for motherhood. My best friend saw me less and less and we couldn't talk as much. My husband I got married almost month and half after discovering we were going to become parents.
That's when our dynamic changed. Recently I applied to school and am currently in college trying to get a law degree so I can become a paralegal and get to law school. I'm also a stay-at-home mom while doing college, too. I've been super busy. One day my husband gets a text, and it's from my best friend. She asks if they can talk, as she was upset. He took the phone call with me protesting and a few minutes later said, "Sandra (fake name), we need to go get Karla (fake name). Her father is picking a fight with her." I get upset as we were watching a movie together and I had just gotten the baby down for bed. We go to her house, which is about twenty minutes away and she stays with us for a night. As I get our daughter back down to bed, Karla asks to cuddle with the two of us in our bed. I was hesitant. I have issues with claustrophobia due to a traumatic experience as a child. My husband gave the go ahead. We settle in for the night. Karla's dad apologized and she heads back home. Once she was gone, I blew up on my husband. What he did did not only inappropriate, but was disrespectful to my boundaries.
Ever since, when she has an issue with her dad, she calls my husband and vents. One day, while my in-laws were staying with us, my MIL overheard a convo with my hubby and Karla. She was concerned and asked me if I was okay with it. I said, "No, not really, but every time I bring it up, he gets defensive, saying that she needs help. That she is going through a hard time. Blah blah blah."
It is important to note that my MIL was cheated on in the past by her ex, my husband's father. We are also extremely close, and she sees me as a daughter. She hates cheaters with a passion, and my husband (who I will refer to as James) was using the same excuses his father did. She asked to speak to him privately and walked to our living room. They got into a heated match and James apologized to me. He said he didn't know that it was hurting me and causing issues in our marriage. I asked him, "How would he feel if I had asked him if another man could sleep in the bed with us?" He kind of deflated and tried to say, "It's different. Blah blah blah." His stepfather, Mark (fake name) spoke up and said, "It is the same. You're uncomfortable with it. So is she. Quit with the excuses." James respects Mark quite a lot actually. Mark raised him since he was 8 and his own father was in and out of the picture. Once the dust settles, my husband truly apologized to me for his actions and said that he would do better. I kissed him and that was that.
However, I wouldn't be right here if that was the end of the issues. Lately, Karla has been calling him three to eight times a day. She says it's because she is bored and has no one else to talk to. I snap. I call him out over the nonchalance about the situation, how when she calls, he answers, how it is making me feel like a third wheel in my marriage, etc. His response? "She's just lonely. You're letting it get to you." That night I slept in the living room.
I'm starting to suspect that she is trying to monopolize his time. She calls him for over an hour each time he calls, they talk, she complains about her life, etc. Almost like she is his girlfriend or something. I am starting to find this relationship troubling. It's getting to the point that it is affecting my marriage. Where do I go from here? Any advice would be appreciated.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the feedback. I'm going to have a talk with him, with his mom involved. He won't listen to me if I don't. I'm tired of fighting him over this. I should have an update with a resolution in a couple days. I'm going to read everyone's responses more thoroughly. Thanks for the advice.
Edit #2: My husband and I had a sit down talk. His mother and stepfather weren't available. He promised me that he would explain everything in detail. I called Karla and she said that we could talk Friday when she wasn't busy with school. She had something she needed to air out. I will have an update on Friday, hopefully...
Edit #3: I woke up to a text from Karla this morning. She actually wants to talk to me tonight, alone, as her schedule has changed We are going to have a heart to heart. Hopefully I will have some news.
Edit #4: I need some time. I will post an update later on. My heart is hurting. Hubby and I are getting a divorce. Thank you for understanding, everybody! 💔
ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP
I quit my job after I found out I was pregnant. I became a stay at home mom. Believe it or not, people can have inheritance and have no bearing on job status. My stbx husband is a construction worker who makes good money. I only worked for my own satisfaction at being able to pay for stuff. His uncle was a financially sound man who had no children. That's why my ex got the house. We were looking at getting our own house soon before he died.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
** Aggravating-Owl-8974:** You’ve set your boundaries and he continues to cross them. Is this how you want your marriage to be?
She won’t stop as long as your husband responds to her every time.

OOP: You're right. I have issues standing up for myself.

Zealousideal_Oil8922: Does he not understand how badly that reflects on him that he is unwilling to explain his actions to his own wife seeing the pain and distress you are in regarding this situation? Or does he simply not care because he has feelings for her?
Imo, if there was no cheating involved he could have reassured you about that but explained what was going on with Karla was a personal matter that she needed to share with you herself.

OOP: Sometimes he thinks I am too emotional. I have PTSD and BPD and he doesn't understand my disorder. He doesn't understand that I feel things intensely or passionately or that it is super easy to hurt my feelings. He never even tries to understand me, autism or not. Honestly I'm considering cutting my losses and going through divorce anyway. It's not worth the emotional anguish he put me through each day.

 
Update #1: February 29, 2024
This update is hard. Everything about this situation sucks and I don't know if I will be okay for some time. Baby and I are currently staying with my friend, Tanya,
To start, James and I are getting a divorce. Karla is no longer a friend to me or our mutuals. The betrayal is too deep for her to be friends with our group.
As most of you assumed, James and Karla are indeed having an affair. It started about three months ago and just turned physical one month ago. They were planning on just up and leaving after James served me divorce papers. They used the ruse that he was helping her through emotional issues to hide the fact. I was crushed. She wanted to clear the air before it got worse. That was when she dropped a huge bombshell. James was going to try and get me to terminate my rights to my child in order for Karla to adopt her. The reason? My borderline diagnosis a few years ago made me unfit to be a mother and he was sure that the courts would agree. She then handed me two separate stacks of paperwork and left. I am contacting a lawyer as I am writing this.
I was seriously hurt. You guys were right. Karla was a snake and only told me this so she wouldn't feel guilty. However, I am not letting my soon-to-be- ex-husband bully me into termination of my rights. I called him afterwards and got very heated about what was going on. James just sat there in silence. I was crying afterwards. I pleaded with him to tell me what I did wrong.
For a little bit of backstory: I had a near-fatal complication with my delivery of our daughter where I bled my entire labor. I had to have two blood transfusions and haven't fully recovered from it. I was not cleared for any extrenuous activity for three months, including sexual activity. James was getting unsatisfied with all my doctor's appointments and not getting the sex that he wanted. I was hurting and ended up needing another procedure to remove some placenta that didn't naturally come out. I had to have my tubes tied because if I have another child, it will kill me next time. James wanted at least two more kids and this put an end to his plans.
I married a monster. We were together since we were 15 and this is how he repays me? I thought I knew him. He was acting so caring and nice to me. I am absolutely heartbroken. I'm not even sure if I am going to update this anymore, but if I do, it'll be after the divorce settles. Thanks for all your concern. I'm going to step back and take some time to adjust. There is no chance for a healthy co-parenting situation. I'm fighting for primary custody with supervised visits. Karla will not have any access to baby, as I will ask the judge to make a clause preventing her from interacting with my daughter. Thanks for all the advice!
Edit: I forgot to add that I contacted his mother and Mark this morning. They are furious that James is doing this to me. They are helping me foot the cost of a lawyer because I'm a stay-at-home mom and college student. They have kicked James out and he is now staying at our old house with Karla. He did give me the courtesy to get my stuff and didn't put up a fuss about me taking what I wanted. He told me that he will keep in contact for divorce proceedings.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
FragilousSpectunkery: Why did YOU leave? He's the asshole. He's the one that gets to leave.

OOP: It's his house. Inheritance. He only let me stay as a courtesy. His parents didn't know the full story, but now that they do, he overstayed his welcome. They are so angry. I'm not sure if his relationship with his mom or stepdad are salvageable.

MissJoey78: What stands out is he’s threatening to use her Bipolar status against her despite being a parent with bipolar type 2, autism, and PTSD?!?
Lmao dude is evil AND inept.

OOP: I didn't say he was smart, did I? But with me having no financial way to support my child or a stable home, he has slightly better odds. I'm still in contact with his mom and stepfather. I'm hoping they will give me a place at their house for the time being. I feel like I am being intrusive at Tanya's home.

West-Adhesiveness555: Im sorry you are going through this situation. As people say: trust, but verify. You are relying on his parents, but be aware that they are his parents. You need to have a support system that don’t include them.

OOP: I have no one else. My family turned their backs on me. I have no family members who can help.

 
Update #2 - March 19, 2024
Update #2 Bestie and Husband: Sorry I have been radio silent. I spoke to a lawyer who is helping me at a reduced rate. My in-laws are helping me foot the cost of a lawyer against their wayward son. With all the info that I have, including some threatening texts from Karla and James, I have decided to file for a protection order.
They were even stupid enough to send me a text that pretty much confirmed the blackmail. I intend to use this to my advantage in the upcoming divorce proceedings as evidence of emotional abuse. John has continued to maintain that I need to terminate my rights to our daughter so that he can run away with Karla, but I shut that shit down. My little girl is the light of my life and my only chance to be a mom, which is something I have always wanted to do.
I finally got a clean bill of health from my doctor after months of dealing with Post-natal complications. Needless to say, no more babies for me. I could die if I get pregnant again.
I go to court Friday for our divorce proceedings. We have a mediator that my lawyer is speaking to directly for me so I don't have to deal with James's bully tactics. My lawyer is a no-nonsense of kind of man and I like that about him.
My in-laws have decided to cut ties with James after this. He openly disrespected them for giving me a place to stay after I was kicked from the house and the threats. The emotional anguish he has been putting me through has been too much. They've always saw me as their own daughter and has treated me as such. They are just as angry at James for his involvement in all this as I am. That's why they decided to foot the cost of a lawyer since I was a stay at home mom.
My therapist has upped my therapy sessions to three times a week. I was also formally diagnosed with DID recently, which only came out when I blacked out in a therapy session. My therapist and psychiatrist have been communicating and have suspected for a while that I have it, but got confirmed after my recent development in therapy. I haven't told James this, and never intend to. My MIL does know and has been my rock through all of this.
As for the commenters on RA that say that I moved too quickly out of the house for it to seem real, I have one thing to say: I have very little and had to go back and grab the baby's stuff. My STBX and Karla have went on a weekend getaway to my dream location, which I knew they did to hurt me even more. The pics were sent to me by my current friend who gave me a place for a few days before my in-laws gave me a place in their home.
Baby girl is adjusting to life without her daddy around all the time. She is super fussy most of the time and I am sure she misses having him around. It breaks my heart to pieces... 💔
That's all that I have for you right now. I will have another full update on Friday.
Relevant Comment
whatashame_13: Ia he asking to see the baby? Is he paying child support?

OOP: Nope. If the baby needs anything, his mom and stepdad pay for it. He is refusing to do anything for her unless I voluntarily terminate my rights.

Top Comments
catsrsupscute: it’s disgusting how determined they are to hurt you. at this point it feels like it’s something they “bond” over which makes me think that once you get over all of this and they realize they won’t be able to hurt you anymore their relationship will wither away. anyway, sending love and courage your way xx
Akira_Reviews: Whatever you plan to use against your husband in court, don't post all your plans here in the event your POS husband and mistress finds this post. Have you considered suing Karla for alienation?
 
Editor’s Note: OOP is likely to make a mistake on the updates. She skipped #3 and posted the update as 4th update
Update #4: Court went better than expected - March 24, 2024
I have some great news. Baby girl is safe with me. My lawyer pulled through for me and my ex wants this divorce to be over with as soon as possible.
First of all, I got full custody of my daughter with supervised visitation from ex. His own words came back to haunt him. I had proof of all his threats and the blackmail of him trying to get me to sign away my rights, and the judge wasn't happy. He tore into James and Karla about their behavior and how they tried to blackmail me and how they were lucky that I didn't press charges for extortion. Because of their bad behavior, he told them that he couldn't in conscience do shared custody because of the evidence of their behavior towards me. He was also worried that they would try to run off with her.
Next up, because of all the behavior and aggression towards me that was unwarranted, my protection order was granted. My MIL, who stayed beside me in court, is the one who volunteered to facilitate the supervised visits until my divorce becomes final. If Karla and James try to contact me again, unless it is strictly about our daughter, then they both will go to jail. James has to pay me child support. Of course he tried to protest it, but it wasn't happening.
Lastly, after court James said something that kind of broke my heart about our daughter. If he can't have primary custody, then he is going to petition to terminate his rights. He doesn't want to be tied to me anymore and is willing to let my daughter suffer for it. So my daughter just pretty much lost her father because he would rather break away from me and pretend that I don't exist.
I have some additional information from Karla that she said to me afterwards; apparently she is infertile due to an illness she suffered from as a teenager. She wanted a baby so bad and to get me out of the picture so that they could play happy family with my daughter. I was stunned. She then asked me if I was happy for tearing their family apart. I had to look at her for a second. SHE tore MY family apart. I wanted to slap her so bad. Because of her, my daughter is probably going to lose her father. I'm sad.
That all that I have for you. My next update will probably when the divorce finally happens. Thanks for reading this.
 
(True) Update #4 - March 26, 2024
This update is heavy. Court was on Friday and I was waiting for the dust to settle before I posted two days ago.
My stbx-husband has been hospitalized. Karla called me this morning, crying despite the order. James tried to commit s**cide this morning, and she found him just in time. He tried to OD on his prescriptions and now he is in the hospital. The doctors don't know how long he will be there, but I will keep my hopes up for a speedy recovery.
Despite the literal hell he has put me through, he is still the father of my daughter. I'm not pressing charges this time against Karla because it was a dire emergency. James is stable and they are transferring him to another facility for the foreseeable future. I feel almost sorry for her.
I don't know when I will be able to update again. I have a lot to deal with and emergency care to plan for. Please keep me in your thoughts as I navigate this difficult situation. Thank you. 💔
Relevant Comments
Visible-Arachnid8790: Why did he commit suicide?

OOP: Bad manic episode. My husband is bipolar and I guess everything got to him too much and he spiralled, hard.
He is alive, but hospitalized.

 

----NEW UPDATES----

Trigger Warnings: assault, body injuries, attempted kidnapping
Update #5: Karla has been arrested - April 10, 2024
I didn't think I'd be back with an update but it has been two weeks since STBXH was hospitalized for a s**cide attempt.
Since we have put divorce proceedings on hold for a while until he gets out of the hospital, I've been taking the steps to spend time with my daughter and my in-laws, who have been my rocks in this situation. Life has stabilized for me for a bit. I'm still acclimating to my DID diagnosis. I've been out of it for a few days now, due to some heavy duty pain killers. But I know some of you are here to see how this saga ends.
On to the biggest part of the update:
Karla has been arrested and is being charged with breaking a Protective Order, aggravated assault, and attempted kidnapping plus a whole slew of other charges. Here is what happened:
I was out and about in town yesterday, trying to get a few errands done. I was starting to get hungry and decided to get some food at my favorite spot. It was a small Italian restaurant that I used to go to with my husband before the divorce proceedings started. I ordered my food and sat down to wait for my order.
As my food was being handed to me, I saw Karla storm in like she owned the place and decided to confront me. She was hysterical and I couldn't make sense of what she was trying to say. She then started to punch and kick me. To make a long story short: Karla broke my nose and arm, fractured my left eye socket, and punctured a lung. When she realized what she had done, she panicked and tried to take my stroller while I was fighting to stay conscious. Someone saw what she was trying to do and stopped her before she could escape.
I woke to police in my room and my in-laws holding my daughter. The police filled me in on what happened and now Karla is in jail awaiting a court hearing. Because of the nature of my injuries, police are taking the decision to press charges out of my hands. Not that I'd try to drop the charges anyway.
So yeah, this is where I am at... Sorry if it seems super lame. I will update again after Karla's court date in a few days. Much love guys.
Top Comments
kookiegirl212: This is insane. I’m so sorry you are going through all of this, and that she got to hurt you in this way. But I’m so so happy your babygirl is safe and that now you can likely be free from her. I hope she goes to jail, and never bothers you again.
Pls take the time to heal both physically and emotionally from all of this. Love on your daughter and on your in-laws who thankfully see what’s right and are on your side
 
Update #6: Karla was denied bond - April 15, 2024
Karla is still sitting in jail. She is facing some serious prison time and I'm so happy that I can put her behind me. I also got out of the hospital a day and a half ago.
First of all, let me begin with a small update on STBX-hubby: he has been receptive to treatment and will be leaving the hospital next Monday. My MIL has been keeping me up to date on his condition and he is stable now. A lot of you were right; Karla took advantage of his manic episode and need for a stronger dosage of his medicine by convincing him to sleep with her. He has since broken up with her and begged his mother to tell me that he does want another chance to be my husband. That's why she attacked me the other day. She couldn't handle his rejection.
To be clear, I'm not giving him another chance. He destroyed my trust by not only cheating on me, but by refusing his medicines for a while and threatening me and our daughter. I'm still going through with the divorce but I may go to counseling to review the custody arrangement and give him more supervised visitation. He's still her father, after all. Also! I got a job recently. I was told I got the position the day before I was released from the hospital.
I haven't read all of your messages of support but the ones that I have read, thank you! Karla is still in jail with no chance to get out before her next hearing. Hopefully she gets what is coming to her. Hubby is stabilizing and begging for another chance, and I am looking forward to starting my career. I will be updating again in about a week.
Edit: I just read the comments and some of them are rather harsh about me saying I want to try to give him a little more SUPERVISED VISITS. Say what you want, but STBXH can go back and try to get the custody order reviewed when he gets out. As long as he is stable and undergoes mandated therapy, the judges here will rule in his favor. The review of his custody arrangement is per my lawyer's advice, otherwise when he gets better, he can file to have it amended. It's just easier to be agreeable rather than fight it out. I have no more energy to do so. Karla is in jail, so my biggest threat is gone. She isn't getting out for some time. Not even her family's influence can help her. I'd rather agree to longer visits than risk having him gain even an ounce of unsupervised custody. At least this way, I know my ILs will get her out of there if he is dangerous. It will also look better on me during this divorce process.
 
DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED
SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED
 
Update #7: STBX is out of hospital - April 22, 2024
STBXH just got out of the hospital. He is staying at his home, alone. He is so miserable now that he has lost everything. His mom and stepdad have cut him off for the most part except during visits with our daughter. His mom told me that he is going to sign away his rights once I get married again, if that is what I want.
According to her, he wants to reconcile but knows that I am not willing to do so. He wants his life back before this whole Karla debacle started. He isn't fighting custody at all, either. He doesn't want anymore visitation than he already has. He is willing to pay child support and alimony to speed along this divorce. He is cognizant of the damage he has done to our family.
For context, my mother cheated on my father and it broke up my family before I was old enough to remember. Their divorce was final when I was only a year old and my mother abandoned me. I cannot stand cheaters. They destroy lives. James understands this, too. Cheating is that hard line for me, so James knew he fucked up.
Right now I have an appointment Friday for a discussion with my lawyer about the terms of our divorce and formalizing custody. James's parents are helping me with arrangements for my own apartment.
Thank you everyone. I won't update again until the divorce is final, which should be in three months at least. Goodbye for now. 🫶🏻🫶🏻
 
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP

BRAVO

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Links to this week's episode discussion posts:

• VPR S11E11🍸
• The Valley S1E4 🏘️
• RHOP S8E20 🌸

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwRA_bestienhubby
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Previous BoRU
[New Updates] - My (26f) best friend (23f) might be in love with my husband (26m). Where do I go from here?
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, accusations of child endangerment, mentions of mental health issues, financial abuse, possible homelessness, attempted suicide, mentions of child abandonment, black mail
RECAP
Original Post: February 27, 2024
Throwaway because my husband stalks reddit. Also, I know he isn't cheating on me. He's at home more often than not and I have full access to his electronics as does he to mine.
Note: some identifying details have been changed to protect my privacy such as names
My husband and I have been together since we were young teenagers. We got married last year and have a six month old daughter together. She is the light of both our lives as we both came from broken homes and want a better life than we lived growing up.
My best friend came a few years later. We used to live in the same neighborhood and casually began to hang out. She lives with both her parents and siblings as she is studying to get her bachelor's degree. At first, she didn't like my husband. Said that he was clingy and tried to insert himself into our friendship. (WTF?) She was civil to him because he was my romantic partner. For context, my husband is bipolar type 2, autism and PTSD and it causes him to be a little socially awkward and miss certain social cues and taboos. I love him regardless of it all.
Over the last few years, we have been hanging out a lot more. She comes over for a few drinks, we go to movies, and even visit local attractions together. We all three have a good time, and my husband does try to make nights for just the two of us often, too.
However, last year my husband and I found out we were expecting a child together in January. I was working and fell ill because at the time, I was working a fast food place. I threw up and went to the doctor. Come to find out, I was eight and half weeks pregnant. My life changed and I had become more busy to get myself ready for motherhood. My best friend saw me less and less and we couldn't talk as much. My husband I got married almost month and half after discovering we were going to become parents.
That's when our dynamic changed. Recently I applied to school and am currently in college trying to get a law degree so I can become a paralegal and get to law school. I'm also a stay-at-home mom while doing college, too. I've been super busy. One day my husband gets a text, and it's from my best friend. She asks if they can talk, as she was upset. He took the phone call with me protesting and a few minutes later said, "Sandra (fake name), we need to go get Karla (fake name). Her father is picking a fight with her." I get upset as we were watching a movie together and I had just gotten the baby down for bed. We go to her house, which is about twenty minutes away and she stays with us for a night. As I get our daughter back down to bed, Karla asks to cuddle with the two of us in our bed. I was hesitant. I have issues with claustrophobia due to a traumatic experience as a child. My husband gave the go ahead. We settle in for the night. Karla's dad apologized and she heads back home. Once she was gone, I blew up on my husband. What he did did not only inappropriate, but was disrespectful to my boundaries.
Ever since, when she has an issue with her dad, she calls my husband and vents. One day, while my in-laws were staying with us, my MIL overheard a convo with my hubby and Karla. She was concerned and asked me if I was okay with it. I said, "No, not really, but every time I bring it up, he gets defensive, saying that she needs help. That she is going through a hard time. Blah blah blah."
It is important to note that my MIL was cheated on in the past by her ex, my husband's father. We are also extremely close, and she sees me as a daughter. She hates cheaters with a passion, and my husband (who I will refer to as James) was using the same excuses his father did. She asked to speak to him privately and walked to our living room. They got into a heated match and James apologized to me. He said he didn't know that it was hurting me and causing issues in our marriage. I asked him, "How would he feel if I had asked him if another man could sleep in the bed with us?" He kind of deflated and tried to say, "It's different. Blah blah blah." His stepfather, Mark (fake name) spoke up and said, "It is the same. You're uncomfortable with it. So is she. Quit with the excuses." James respects Mark quite a lot actually. Mark raised him since he was 8 and his own father was in and out of the picture. Once the dust settles, my husband truly apologized to me for his actions and said that he would do better. I kissed him and that was that.
However, I wouldn't be right here if that was the end of the issues. Lately, Karla has been calling him three to eight times a day. She says it's because she is bored and has no one else to talk to. I snap. I call him out over the nonchalance about the situation, how when she calls, he answers, how it is making me feel like a third wheel in my marriage, etc. His response? "She's just lonely. You're letting it get to you." That night I slept in the living room.
I'm starting to suspect that she is trying to monopolize his time. She calls him for over an hour each time he calls, they talk, she complains about her life, etc. Almost like she is his girlfriend or something. I am starting to find this relationship troubling. It's getting to the point that it is affecting my marriage. Where do I go from here? Any advice would be appreciated.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the feedback. I'm going to have a talk with him, with his mom involved. He won't listen to me if I don't. I'm tired of fighting him over this. I should have an update with a resolution in a couple days. I'm going to read everyone's responses more thoroughly. Thanks for the advice.
Edit #2: My husband and I had a sit down talk. His mother and stepfather weren't available. He promised me that he would explain everything in detail. I called Karla and she said that we could talk Friday when she wasn't busy with school. She had something she needed to air out. I will have an update on Friday, hopefully...
Edit #3: I woke up to a text from Karla this morning. She actually wants to talk to me tonight, alone, as her schedule has changed We are going to have a heart to heart. Hopefully I will have some news.
Edit #4: I need some time. I will post an update later on. My heart is hurting. Hubby and I are getting a divorce. Thank you for understanding, everybody! 💔
ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP
I quit my job after I found out I was pregnant. I became a stay at home mom. Believe it or not, people can have inheritance and have no bearing on job status. My stbx husband is a construction worker who makes good money. I only worked for my own satisfaction at being able to pay for stuff. His uncle was a financially sound man who had no children. That's why my ex got the house. We were looking at getting our own house soon before he died.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
** Aggravating-Owl-8974:** You’ve set your boundaries and he continues to cross them. Is this how you want your marriage to be?
She won’t stop as long as your husband responds to her every time.

OOP: You're right. I have issues standing up for myself.

Zealousideal_Oil8922: Does he not understand how badly that reflects on him that he is unwilling to explain his actions to his own wife seeing the pain and distress you are in regarding this situation? Or does he simply not care because he has feelings for her?
Imo, if there was no cheating involved he could have reassured you about that but explained what was going on with Karla was a personal matter that she needed to share with you herself.

OOP: Sometimes he thinks I am too emotional. I have PTSD and BPD and he doesn't understand my disorder. He doesn't understand that I feel things intensely or passionately or that it is super easy to hurt my feelings. He never even tries to understand me, autism or not. Honestly I'm considering cutting my losses and going through divorce anyway. It's not worth the emotional anguish he put me through each day.

 
Update #1: February 29, 2024
This update is hard. Everything about this situation sucks and I don't know if I will be okay for some time. Baby and I are currently staying with my friend, Tanya,
To start, James and I are getting a divorce. Karla is no longer a friend to me or our mutuals. The betrayal is too deep for her to be friends with our group.
As most of you assumed, James and Karla are indeed having an affair. It started about three months ago and just turned physical one month ago. They were planning on just up and leaving after James served me divorce papers. They used the ruse that he was helping her through emotional issues to hide the fact. I was crushed. She wanted to clear the air before it got worse. That was when she dropped a huge bombshell. James was going to try and get me to terminate my rights to my child in order for Karla to adopt her. The reason? My borderline diagnosis a few years ago made me unfit to be a mother and he was sure that the courts would agree. She then handed me two separate stacks of paperwork and left. I am contacting a lawyer as I am writing this.
I was seriously hurt. You guys were right. Karla was a snake and only told me this so she wouldn't feel guilty. However, I am not letting my soon-to-be- ex-husband bully me into termination of my rights. I called him afterwards and got very heated about what was going on. James just sat there in silence. I was crying afterwards. I pleaded with him to tell me what I did wrong.
For a little bit of backstory: I had a near-fatal complication with my delivery of our daughter where I bled my entire labor. I had to have two blood transfusions and haven't fully recovered from it. I was not cleared for any extrenuous activity for three months, including sexual activity. James was getting unsatisfied with all my doctor's appointments and not getting the sex that he wanted. I was hurting and ended up needing another procedure to remove some placenta that didn't naturally come out. I had to have my tubes tied because if I have another child, it will kill me next time. James wanted at least two more kids and this put an end to his plans.
I married a monster. We were together since we were 15 and this is how he repays me? I thought I knew him. He was acting so caring and nice to me. I am absolutely heartbroken. I'm not even sure if I am going to update this anymore, but if I do, it'll be after the divorce settles. Thanks for all your concern. I'm going to step back and take some time to adjust. There is no chance for a healthy co-parenting situation. I'm fighting for primary custody with supervised visits. Karla will not have any access to baby, as I will ask the judge to make a clause preventing her from interacting with my daughter. Thanks for all the advice!
Edit: I forgot to add that I contacted his mother and Mark this morning. They are furious that James is doing this to me. They are helping me foot the cost of a lawyer because I'm a stay-at-home mom and college student. They have kicked James out and he is now staying at our old house with Karla. He did give me the courtesy to get my stuff and didn't put up a fuss about me taking what I wanted. He told me that he will keep in contact for divorce proceedings.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
FragilousSpectunkery: Why did YOU leave? He's the asshole. He's the one that gets to leave.

OOP: It's his house. Inheritance. He only let me stay as a courtesy. His parents didn't know the full story, but now that they do, he overstayed his welcome. They are so angry. I'm not sure if his relationship with his mom or stepdad are salvageable.

MissJoey78: What stands out is he’s threatening to use her Bipolar status against her despite being a parent with bipolar type 2, autism, and PTSD?!?
Lmao dude is evil AND inept.

OOP: I didn't say he was smart, did I? But with me having no financial way to support my child or a stable home, he has slightly better odds. I'm still in contact with his mom and stepfather. I'm hoping they will give me a place at their house for the time being. I feel like I am being intrusive at Tanya's home.

West-Adhesiveness555: Im sorry you are going through this situation. As people say: trust, but verify. You are relying on his parents, but be aware that they are his parents. You need to have a support system that don’t include them.

OOP: I have no one else. My family turned their backs on me. I have no family members who can help.

 

----NEW UPDATES----

Update #2 - March 19, 2024
Update #2 Bestie and Husband: Sorry I have been radio silent. I spoke to a lawyer who is helping me at a reduced rate. My in-laws are helping me foot the cost of a lawyer against their wayward son. With all the info that I have, including some threatening texts from Karla and James, I have decided to file for a protection order.
They were even stupid enough to send me a text that pretty much confirmed the blackmail. I intend to use this to my advantage in the upcoming divorce proceedings as evidence of emotional abuse. John has continued to maintain that I need to terminate my rights to our daughter so that he can run away with Karla, but I shut that shit down. My little girl is the light of my life and my only chance to be a mom, which is something I have always wanted to do.
I finally got a clean bill of health from my doctor after months of dealing with Post-natal complications. Needless to say, no more babies for me. I could die if I get pregnant again.
I go to court Friday for our divorce proceedings. We have a mediator that my lawyer is speaking to directly for me so I don't have to deal with James's bully tactics. My lawyer is a no-nonsense of kind of man and I like that about him.
My in-laws have decided to cut ties with James after this. He openly disrespected them for giving me a place to stay after I was kicked from the house and the threats. The emotional anguish he has been putting me through has been too much. They've always saw me as their own daughter and has treated me as such. They are just as angry at James for his involvement in all this as I am. That's why they decided to foot the cost of a lawyer since I was a stay at home mom.
My therapist has upped my therapy sessions to three times a week. I was also formally diagnosed with DID recently, which only came out when I blacked out in a therapy session. My therapist and psychiatrist have been communicating and have suspected for a while that I have it, but got confirmed after my recent development in therapy. I haven't told James this, and never intend to. My MIL does know and has been my rock through all of this.
As for the commenters on RA that say that I moved too quickly out of the house for it to seem real, I have one thing to say: I have very little and had to go back and grab the baby's stuff. My STBX and Karla have went on a weekend getaway to my dream location, which I knew they did to hurt me even more. The pics were sent to me by my current friend who gave me a place for a few days before my in-laws gave me a place in their home.
Baby girl is adjusting to life without her daddy around all the time. She is super fussy most of the time and I am sure she misses having him around. It breaks my heart to pieces... 💔
That's all that I have for you right now. I will have another full update on Friday.
Relevant Comment
whatashame_13: Ia he asking to see the baby? Is he paying child support?

OOP: Nope. If the baby needs anything, his mom and stepdad pay for it. He is refusing to do anything for her unless I voluntarily terminate my rights.

Top Comments
catsrsupscute: it’s disgusting how determined they are to hurt you. at this point it feels like it’s something they “bond” over which makes me think that once you get over all of this and they realize they won’t be able to hurt you anymore their relationship will wither away. anyway, sending love and courage your way xx
Akira_Reviews: Whatever you plan to use against your husband in court, don't post all your plans here in the event your POS husband and mistress finds this post. Have you considered suing Karla for alienation?
 
Editor’s Note: OOP is likely to make a mistake on the updates. She skipped #3 and posted the update as 4th update
Update #4: Court went better than expected - March 24, 2024
I have some great news. Baby girl is safe with me. My lawyer pulled through for me and my ex wants this divorce to be over with as soon as possible.
First of all, I got full custody of my daughter with supervised visitation from ex. His own words came back to haunt him. I had proof of all his threats and the blackmail of him trying to get me to sign away my rights, and the judge wasn't happy. He tore into James and Karla about their behavior and how they tried to blackmail me and how they were lucky that I didn't press charges for extortion. Because of their bad behavior, he told them that he couldn't in conscience do shared custody because of the evidence of their behavior towards me. He was also worried that they would try to run off with her.
Next up, because of all the behavior and aggression towards me that was unwarranted, my protection order was granted. My MIL, who stayed beside me in court, is the one who volunteered to facilitate the supervised visits until my divorce becomes final. If Karla and James try to contact me again, unless it is strictly about our daughter, then they both will go to jail. James has to pay me child support. Of course he tried to protest it, but it wasn't happening.
Lastly, after court James said something that kind of broke my heart about our daughter. If he can't have primary custody, then he is going to petition to terminate his rights. He doesn't want to be tied to me anymore and is willing to let my daughter suffer for it. So my daughter just pretty much lost her father because he would rather break away from me and pretend that I don't exist.
I have some additional information from Karla that she said to me afterwards; apparently she is infertile due to an illness she suffered from as a teenager. She wanted a baby so bad and to get me out of the picture so that they could play happy family with my daughter. I was stunned. She then asked me if I was happy for tearing their family apart. I had to look at her for a second. SHE tore MY family apart. I wanted to slap her so bad. Because of her, my daughter is probably going to lose her father. I'm sad.
That all that I have for you. My next update will probably when the divorce finally happens. Thanks for reading this.
 
(True) Update #4 - March 26, 2024
This update is heavy. Court was on Friday and I was waiting for the dust to settle before I posted two days ago.
My stbx-husband has been hospitalized. Karla called me this morning, crying despite the order. James tried to commit s**cide this morning, and she found him just in time. He tried to OD on his prescriptions and now he is in the hospital. The doctors don't know how long he will be there, but I will keep my hopes up for a speedy recovery.
Despite the literal hell he has put me through, he is still the father of my daughter. I'm not pressing charges this time against Karla because it was a dire emergency. James is stable and they are transferring him to another facility for the foreseeable future. I feel almost sorry for her.
I don't know when I will be able to update again. I have a lot to deal with and emergency care to plan for. Please keep me in your thoughts as I navigate this difficult situation. Thank you. 💔
Relevant Comments
Visible-Arachnid8790: Why did he commit suicide?

OOP: Bad manic episode. My husband is bipolar and I guess everything got to him too much and he spiralled, hard.
He is alive, but hospitalized.

 
Latest Update here: BoRU #3
 
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP

The first installment of what I hope will be a continuing "Yes, No, Maybe So" slate of predictions, where I lay out my wide pool of contenders and weigh each of their pros and cons. If this goes over well enough, I'd love to do additional installments for the other major categories, and a more abbreviated version for the technical categories.
I'm sure I'm leaving out some viable contenders, but these are the 30 titles that stood out to me the most while surveying the field:

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR

THE ACTOR (Neon) Duke Johnson, Ken Kao, Abigail Spencer and Paul Young Logline: When New York actor Paul Cole is beaten and left for dead in 1950s Ohio, he loses his memory and finds himself stranded in a mysterious small town where he struggles to get back home and reclaim what he's lost. Yes: An intriguing collection of talent with an intriguing story. Ryan Gosling was attached to this project for a while before the role passed onto André Holland, a supremely underrated actor who feels primed for his big moment. A period piece about memory and performance could resonate strongly with Academy voters. No: Duke Johnson's past work is all stop-motion animation;his only feature length credit was co-directing Anomalisa. A promising debut to be sure, but how does his skillset translate to live-action? How weird will this be? Are we going to get a trailer and discover that this is all performed with puppets? Maybe So: Neon acquired this picture a while ago (when Gosling was still attached). They'll be a powerful campaign patron should it take off at the fests. And besides, this sounds like exactly the sort of project that hangs under the radar until it surprises big time.
THE APPRENTICE (No Distributor) Amy Baer, Daniel Bekerman, Jacob Jarek, Producers Logline: The story of how a young Donald Trump started his real estate business in New York during the 1970s and '80s. Yes: Well, it will certainly drum up attention. Trying to dramatize the most notorious figure in modern America is a tall order, but honing in on his tutelage under Roy Cohn's dark arts is probably the only conceivable angle you could take that doesn't just regurgitate things everyone has already lived through. There's chatter that it might premiere at Cannes, which could be an ideal launching pad. No: The subject is about as polarizing as it gets, to put it mildly, and flat out revolting to most voters in Hollywood. There is zero chance this will be a flattering portrait of Trump, but the mere association might be too off-putting. Maybe So: This feels ludicrous to say, but the election could very well decide this movie's awards prospects. If Trump is a vanquished foe after November, then The Apprentice could actually be boosted as a way of rubbing salt in his wounds. If he regains power, then it could become just too painful for the Academy to stomach.
BIRD (A24) Lee Groombridge, Juliette Howell and Tessa Ross Logline: The plot is currently unknown. Yes: Starring two of the hottest actors around with Keoghan and Rogowski, and Andrea Arnold's reputation has been steadily building over the last decade. Seems primed for a festival run where it could make a huge splash. No: We know next to nothing about it, other than some paparazzi set photos that suggest a youth culture milieu. Andrea Arnold may have a Short Film Oscar already, but this would have to be a big level up in appeal to do much better than her previous feature length work. It could prove to be just another respected work that's held at arm's length rather than a proper breakout. Maybe So: Considering the promising trend of more and more women filmmakers finally getting their due, Arnold does stand out as one of the big great hopes of continuing that trend this year.
BLITZ (Apple Original Films) Lee Groombridge, Juliette Howell and Tessa Ross Logline: Follows the stories of a group of Londoners during the events of the British capital bombing in World War II. Yes: A WWII epic from a filmmaker who has claimed Oscar's biggest prize before. Tremendous cast and a potentially passionate BAFTA constituency. This has all the makings of an early frontrunner on paper. No: "Early frontrunner on paper" is often a curse. McQueen hit with 12 Years a Slave, but Widows was completely ignored. Maybe So: With Apple behind this (and presuming that a major studio collaborates with them to provide a wide theatrical run), Blitz is coming into the season from a position of strength.
THE BRUTALIST (Focus Features) Nick Gordon, D.J. Gugenheim, Andrew Lauren, Producers Logline: When visionary architect László Toth and his wife Erzsébet flee post-war Europe in 1947 to rebuild their legacy and witness the birth of modern America, their lives are changed forever by a mysterious and wealthy client. Yes: An ambitious premise from a very ambitious filmmaker, imagining an artist placed in history out of whole cloth. That's the sort of conceit that gave us Tár. Interestingly, the architect character appears to be named after a historical madman who desecrated one of Michelangelo's works while claiming he was Jesus Christ. The high art milieu could give it some prestige even if it's not based on a real person. No: Corbet is a very idiosyncratic filmmaker whose most recent film, Vox Lux, was tremendously polarizing. Virtually the entire cast had a changeover due to Covid delays; will the new ensemble slot into these characters or jarringly feel like the B team? Maybe So: This project weathered a lot of setbacks before finally coming to fruition. If the labor of love shines through, the reception may finally match Corbet's high aspirations.
A COMPLETE UNKNOWN (Searchlight Pictures) Fred Berger, Bob Bookman, Alan Gasmer, Producers Logline: A young Bob Dylan shakes up the folk music scene when he plugs in his electric guitar at the Newport Folk Festival in 1965. Yes: A big glitzy biopic of an icon, smartly focusing on an inflection point in his career instead of trying to cover the whole arc. Starring Chalamet just after he's solidified himself as a bankable movie star. Mangold showed great utility in this genre with Walk the Line. No: It's only shooting now after Covid delays. Is it even possible for this to come out this calendar year? Even if they rush, it's going to be tight. This might be a conversation best saved for 2025. Maybe So: If Mangold manages to crank this out in time for a holiday release, it could be Searchlight's priority for awards season.
CONCLAVE (Focus Features) Alice Dawson, Robert Harris, Juliette Howell, Producers Logline: Cardinal Lawrence is tasked with leading one of the world's most secretive and ancient events, selecting a new Pope, where he finds himself at the center of a conspiracy that could shake the very foundation of The Church. Yes: Berger's follow-up to All Quiet on the Western Front, which did exceedingly well at the 2023 Oscars. Based on a Robert Harris novel that The Guardian praised as "unputdownable," it has all the makings of a salacious procedural with the trimmings of grandeur. "Ace actors scheming in backrooms with high stakes" is the kind of entertainment we got in droves back in the 1990s. That could be refreshing. No: European directors who break out with a native film often stumble when they make the transition to English-language pictures. Do Vatican machinations still interest enough people? It could prove too pulpy to be taken that seriously. Maybe So: Focus Features notably made an early announcement that this would be a November release, indicating a high degree of confidence. They might already well know this will be their prized pony of the year.
DÌDI (Focus Features) Valerie Bush, Carlos López Estrada, Josh Peters and Sean Wang Logline: An impressionable 13-year-old Taiwanese American boy learns what his family can't teach him: how to skate, how to flirt, and how to love your mom. Yes: Snagged both the coveted audience and jury prizes at Sundance this year, an early signpost for a strong Oscar run in years past. No: Many films that won big at Sundance didn't go on to make much noise, and while Dìdi's reviews have been very good, it wasn't a sensation like CODA, Minari or Past Lives. Child-centered stories face some obstacles with appealing to the Academy. Maybe So: If none of Focus Features' other prospects pan out, then they'll go all-in on this acquisition.
DUNE: PART TWO (Warner Bros.) Cale Boyter, Tanya Lapointe, Patrick McCormick, Producers Logline: Paul Atreides unites with Chani and the Fremen while seeking revenge against the conspirators who destroyed his family. Yes: Beaucoup bucks at the box-office and rave reviews. Consensus is that it's a major achievement, and a marked improvement upon the first installment's comparatively measured reception, and Part One racked up a ton of hardware nonetheless. No: Early release date. Science-fiction bias. The Academy have a longstanding aversion to sequels, and it's generally understood that this will be a middle chapter: will voters prefer to keep their powder dry for the seemingly inevitable Dune: Messiah? Maybe So: Its nomination is the only sure bet we've got this early in the year. If no consensus contender emerges while this movie's popularity endures, things could get spicy.
EMMANUELLE (Neon) Reginald de Guillebon, Marion Delord and Audrey Diwan Logline: Follows a woman and the series of erotic fantasies that she entertains. Yes: Audrey Diwan impressed with Happening just a few years ago, and she has a savvy patron in Neon this time out. The Academy has gotten more international, and European talent could find a lot of openings in this post-strike year. No: A film comprised of erotic vignettes doesn't exactly scream crossover potential. Even if it hits critically it could be too niche, too French to resonate beyond the International category. Maybe So: Neon's English-language prospects this year also have quirky conceits. If this emerges as their most approachable title by default, their prioritization could make all the difference.
THE END (Neon) Joshua Oppenheimer and Signe Byrge Sørensen Logline: A Golden Age-style musical about the last human family. Yes: The conceit is ambitious and eye-catching, and it has a very impressive cast. Joshua Oppenheimer is widely revered for his documentarian work in Indonesian, and his narrative debut will arrive with a lot of curiosity. No: The conceit may be ambitious and eye-catching, but it's also bizarre. This is a musical and the film's composer, Josh Schmidt, has mostly only done underground theatre. Tilda Swinton's involvement is a huge endorsement of quality potential, but the projects she chooses are often too niche for awards traction. Maybe So: Recent Academy choices indicate increasing open mindedness about outré fare. For whatever it's worth, Josh Schmidt's music samples are quite beautiful. This early out, it really comes down to whether you trust in Oppenheimer's talent. If it makes a splash at the fests, anything's possible.
THE FIRE INSIDE (Amazon MGM Studios) Michael De Luca, Elishia Holmes and Barry Jenkins Logline: The story of Claressa 'T-Rex' Shields, a boxer from Flint, Michigan who trained to become the first woman in her country's history to win an Olympic gold medal in the sport. Yes: Barry Jenkins wrote and is producing this sports story, which is a huge plus in the prestige department. Marks the directorial debut of Rachel Morrison, a widely respected cinematographer who broke the glass ceiling in that Oscar category. Boxing pictures have historically done very well at the Academy. No: Films written by a beloved filmmaker but not directed by them haven't had a glowing track record. The expected August release date also indicates that this might be more of a commercial play. Also... "Flint Strong" was a much better title. Maybe So: If it's a critical hit, the inspirational uplift can help it stand out amidst a field of dour contenders.
GLADIATOR II (Paramount Pictures) Lucy Fisher, David Franzoni, Ridley Scott and Douglas Wick Logline: Follows Lucius, the son of Maximus' love Lucilla, after Maximus' death. Yes: The follow-up to an enduringly popular best picture winner starring one of the hottest actors on the market. In an awkward year that's still playing catchup after the strikes, it will stand out as a contender that's both populist and prestigious. No: The Academy normally doesn't go for sequels, and this year's slate is already full of them. Ridley Scott's track record has been so spotty lately that the reception is a total crapshoot to predict. The reportedly gargantuan budget will also make it challenging for this to break even at the box office. Maybe So: Ridley Scott's track record was going through an even rougher patch in the years leading up to The Martian, and that film racked up 7 nominations. Bloated budget or not, this could potentially make a ton of money, and that would go a long way in a year defined by box office anxiety. And last year's Napoleon still got a respectable slew of nods even with an anemic reaction.
FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA (Warner Bros.) George Miller and Doug Mitchell Logline: The origin story of renegade warrior Furiosa before her encounter and teamup with Mad Max. Yes: Miller's return to the Mad Max world after Fury Road dazzled nearly a decade ago. Starring one of the hottest stars around. Furiosa the character has grown more and more iconic over recent years. No: Following up a beloved predecessor is a double-edged sword, and it is very difficult to recapture lightning in a bottle. What's worse, it's a prequel. Even if it absolutely rocks, there could be an air of "been there, done that already." And having to weather comparisons will be tough. Maybe So: After all the challenges Fury Road faced, doubt George Miller at your own peril.
HARD TRUTHS (Bleecker Street Media) Georgina Lowe Logline: Ongoing exploration of the contemporary world with a tragicomic study of human strengths and weaknesses. Yes: One of Britain's most beloved filmmakers returns after an extended break and reunites with the star of his biggest Oscars breakout. Leigh's track record is platinum, and a well-acted humanist drama could highly resonate in a season full of spectacles. No: It could be deflected as "too small." Bleecker Street doesn't have an encouraging record of garnering big nods. Leigh is a legend but his last film, Peterloo, was viewed as something of a misfire. Has it been too long since he reasserted his reputation? Maybe So: Given how infrequently Leigh works nowadays, this could be his last film, adding some sentiment. The BAFTA crowd could give it a big boost.
JAY KELLY (Netflix) Noah Baumbach, David Heyman and Amy Pascal Logline: Plot details are being kept under wraps. Yes: The star wattage is blinding and Baumbach's awards breakthrough with Marriage Story has only been bolstered since by Barbie. This could very well be Netflix's primary play this year. No: We have no idea what it's about. There hasn't even been an official title announcement yet; "Jay Kelly" is just a rumor at this point. Baumbach's brand broke through when he tackled something as emotionally resonant as divorce, but the majority of his filmography has been prickly and unconcerned with being liked. The pedigree is there, but the story could be a dealbreaker. Maybe So: We've gotten one hint about the tone of the project from Netflix's Scott Stuber, who described it as "kind of Jerry Maguire-esque, for lack of a better analogy, but a really great life-affirming movie." If that bears out with the finished product, then this could be Baumbach's most viable awards contender yet.
JOKER: FOLIE À DEUX (Warner Bros.) Joseph Garner, Todd Phillips and Emma Tillinger Koskoff Logline: Sequel to the film "Joker" from 2019. Yes: Sequel to a massive hit that performed extremely well in a competitive Oscars year. The genre changeup also might help it evade the "been there, done that" fatigue. And don't forget: Gaga! No: The first Joker was hugely polarizing, and its detractors will have their knives out for this entry. The conceit of a comic book film played straight as a grim drama won't be fresh anymore. Part of the original's appeal was that it was pitched as a standalone; maybe the Academy will grow disinterested now that this venture is looking more and more like a franchise. Maybe So: It will likely make a ton of money. Even if it proves as polarizing as the first, it might also be just as popular.
JUROR #2 (Warner Bros.) Clint Eastwood, Adam Goodman, Jessica Meier, Producers Logline: A juror serving on a murder trial realizes he may be at fault for the victim's death. Yes: Just when you thought Clint had hung it up, he's back for one last(?) ride. The pitch is an immediate attention-grabber and the cast is excellent. If it's a solid hit, there will be a lot of sentiment about giving Eastwood one last pat on the back. No: It's been a decade since an Eastwood movie connected with the Academy in a major way. This also might just be too pulpy: even if it's well-liked, it might not be taken seriously enough for awards season. Maybe So: Warner Bros. has a very stacked year with a lot of prestigious epics... but they're all sequels or prequels. Maybe it'll be their original drama that stands out from the pack.
KINDS OF KINDNESS (Searchlight Pictures) Ed Guiney, Yorgos Lanthimos, Andrew Lowe and Kasia Malipan Logline: A contemporary film, set in the U.S. -- three different stories, with four or five actors who play one part in each story. Yes: Lanthimos is on a roll and has assembled a platinum cast. Momentum goes a long way, and Poor Things proved that he doesn't have to tone down his idiosyncrasies to impress the Academy. No: It's an anthology film, a peculiar genre that is often admired but rarely embraced. The summer release date suggests that Searchlight already knows this is a tough sell for awards season. Maybe So: If the film is received as another jewel in Lanthimos' crown and not just as a modest palate cleanser after Poor Things, then maybe his streak will continue unabated.
MEGALOPOLIS (No Distributor) Michael Bederman and Francis Ford Coppola Logline: An architect wants to rebuild New York City as a utopia following a devastating disaster. Yes: Already one of the most talked about projects of the year, where you just gotta admire the audacity. An eighty-something Coppola selling his lucrative vineyard to fund his dream project, with Adam Driver lending his star power to get it over the line. From a cineaste perspective, there's a lot to root for here. No: Well... there's a not-insignificant chance that this film is a disaster. Coppola hasn't made a successful film of this scale since Dracula over 30 years ago, and his most recent work has been idiosyncratic to the point of feeling like student films, for better and worse. Maybe So: Even if Megalopolis has a smooth landing, its awards prospects still feel very slim. But, even so... it'd be tremendously exciting if this got anywhere.
MOTHER MARY (A24) Toby Halbrooks, Jeanie Igoe, David Lowery, Producers Logline: Follows the relationship between a fictional musician and a famous fashion designer. Yes: The sheer talent behind it is intriguing. David Lowery has availed himself as a tremendously gifted filmmaker, his noble failure to polish up a throwaway Disney Pan remake aside. This could be just the stylish ticket to break him through, bring Hathaway back into the awards conversation, and anoint Michaela Coel a movie star. No: This premise could be the stuff of Letterboxd users' dreams, but it might also be too cool and niche for serious awards consideration. A24 already has an obvious contender in Sing Sing, and garnering multiple best picture nominees is hard. Maybe So: It really depends on whether you trust the talent involved, and have the hunch that they might just unleash something special that overcomes any prestige bias.
THE NICKEL BOYS (Amazon MGM Studios) Joslyn Barnes, Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner and David Levine Logline: Explores the story of Elwood Curtis, a young African-American boy who is sent to the Nickel Academy, a fictional version of the Dozier School, after he is falsely accused of a crime. Yes: It's adapting a Pulitzer Prize-winning book, which is a good place to start. It will be politically topical, and RaMell Ross proved himself a highly observant and stylish filmmaker with his documentary Hale County This Morning, This Evening. No: It's going to be quite the bummer, and sometimes that just simply turns people off. Ross impressed with his documentary work, but narrative film is a whole other ballgame. Maybe So: But hey, the transition from documentaries to fiction filmmaking worked out for Bennett Miller. Amazon seems reengaged with awards season after integrating MGM, and this is their most prestigious prospect on paper for the year.
NOSFERATU (Focus Features) Chris Columbus, Eleanor Columbus, Robert Eggers, Producers Logline: A gothic tale of obsession between a haunted young woman and the terrifying vampire infatuated with her, causing untold horror in its wake. Yes: Eggers finally gets to realize his dream project. A lavish rendition of one of cinema's foundational works. Eggers' reputation has been steadily building; this might be his moment. No: The genre bias is going to be extremely steep, maybe even insurmountable. Academy voters don't tend to go for movies that scare the shit out of them. It's a remake, and that Christmas release date has almost become a kiss of death for awards prospects. Maybe So: If Focus Features has faith in its prospects, they'd be smart to give it a fall festival run beforehand. If it proves a smash at Venice, Telluride or Toronto, then who the hell knows.
PARTHENOPE (No Distributor) Lorenzo Mieli, Adrvan Safee, Paolo Sorrentino and Anthony Vaccarello Logline: Partenope is a woman who bears the name of her city. Is she a siren or a myth? Yes: In an environment where more and more renowned world artists are getting recognized by the increasingly international Academy, Sorrentino seems like an obvious candidate for a breakout. This Fellini-esque odyssey looks opulent, with Gary Oldman on hand to provide a familiar face. No: Sorrentino won the International Oscar a decade ago with The Great Beauty and cracked the category again with The Hand of God, but he's not everybody's cup of tea. Given his past work, who knows how his film about a potentially manic pixie siren girl will go over with American critics. Maybe So: Films shot in black and white have been such a recurring presence in the best picture category lately that it's beginning to feel like a mandatory slot.
THE PIANO LESSON (Netflix) Todd Black and Denzel Washington Logline: Follows the lives of the Charles family as they deal with themes of family legacy and more, in deciding what to do with an heirloom, the family piano. Yes: August Wilson adaptations have had a good track record in the past decade, and this iteration has an excellent array of talent. Denzel Washington is a valuable producer to have on hand, and Samuel L. Jackson's return to prestigious fare could drum up excitement. No: The Broadway production with this same cast received a polite but muted reception and was mostly ignored by the Tonys. The director is completely green and it could easily fall into the dreaded "too stagy" trap. Ma Rainey's Black Bottom had juice in the acting categories and still got snubbed in the big category. Maybe So: This is Netflix's most outwardly prestigious contender on paper for now. If Baumbach's project doesn't take off and if there's no hot international acquisition in the offing, The Piano Lesson could comfortably coast on the largesse of their campaign coffers.
QUEER (No Distributor) Luca Guadagnino and Lorenzo Mieli Logline: Lee, who recounts his life in Mexico City among American expatriate college students and bar owners surviving on part-time jobs and GI Bill benefits. He driven to pursue a young man named Allerton, who is based on Adelbert Lewis Marker. Yes: A hot, sleazy William S. Burroughs adaptation from the great Luca Guadagnino, starring one of the world's biggest movie stars in a rare dramatic role. The sheer star power from Craig will garner a lot of attention, and seeing him stretch his range (yet again) could make this an attractive package deal. No: Guadagnino connected with Call Me By Your Name, but his work before and since hasn't really been Oscar's bag. Even if this proves to be a great vehicle for Craig's first nomination, the rest of the movie might not be along for the ride. Maybe So: If it gets snagged up by a formidable distributor, a smart campaign could make all the difference.
A REAL PAIN (Searchlight Pictures) Jesse Eisenberg, Ali Herting and Emma Stone, Producers Logline: Mismatched cousins David and Benji reunite for a tour through Poland to honor their beloved grandmother. Yes: Made a splash at Sundance, where it garnered a glowing seal of critical approval. People love this movie. It could endure as Searchlight's primary pony in the race. No: Might be deemed too "small" to withstand flashier competition or get relegated to a more modest campaign push by Searchlight if one of their other titles looks to have higher upside. Maybe So: Having two well-known and well-liked stars will definitely help with campaigning and visibility.
THE ROOM NEXT DOOR (Sony Pictures Classics) Augustín Almodóvar Logline: Martha's strained relationship with her mother fractures completely when a misunderstanding drives them apart. Their mutual friend Ingrid sees both sides of the rift. Yes: The Spanish master Pedro Almodóvar finally makes his long-awaited English-language feature film debut. That cast is outstanding. It's filming now; given the scale of Almodóvar's dramas a 2024 release is feasible. No: It might not be ready in time for 2024. Even though Almodóvar has taken baby steps towards English with two short films, the transition to a different language can be tricky for even the most adept filmmakers. He would've cracked the Best Picture field in 2002 with Talk to Her if the field was expanded then, but the rest of his filmography has never really come close. Maybe So: Sony Pictures Classics is a dependable campaigner; they might be able to work wonders with the added star power.
SING SING (A24) Clint Bentley, Greg Kwedar and Monique Walton Logline: Divine G, imprisoned at Sing Sing for a crime he didn't commit, finds purpose by acting in a theatre group alongside other incarcerated men in this story of resilience, humanity, and the transformative power of art. Yes: Already minted as a critic's darling from last year's TIFF. It enters this year with outstanding early reviews and a great meta narrative. Colman Domingo has a lot of heat coming right off his awards breakout with Rustin. No: Currently scheduled for a July release date. Can it maintain momentum over such a long stretch before nomination season? A24 might have an even flashier contender in store. Maybe So: Its ensemble of former inmates and alumni from Sing Sing's real-life rehabilitation program might make for a very winning band of ambassadors on the campaign trail.
SNL 1975 (Sony Pictures) Jason Blumenfeld, Gil Kenan, Jason Reitman and Peter Rice Logline: Follow the behind-the-scenes story in the moments leading up to SNL's first broadcast. Yes: Hollywood loves celebrations of showbiz and dramatizations of famous people. Saturday Night Live is a beloved comedy institution, and Reitman scored big with the Academy once upon a time. No: This is a very fresh-faced cast. Will it be ridiculed as Muppet Babies at the Wax Museum? Trying to recreate the spontaneity of sketches is extremely tricky and could fall flat on its face. Reitman hasn't made a movie that rises above "pretty good" at best since his aughts golden run; this would have to be a major return to form if it's going to work. Maybe So: We're just one year away from Saturday Night Live's 50th anniversary. If this movie is even just solid, there could be a wave of nostalgia to acknowledge the titans of a genre that the Academy has notoriously ignored throughout its history.
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
My Current Predicted Ten

• The Actor
• The Apprentice
• Bird
• Blitz
• Conclave
• Dune: Part Two
• The Nickel Boys
• Parthenope
• A Real Pain
• Sing Sing

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwRA_bestienhubby
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (26f) best friend (23f) might be in love with my husband (26m). Where do I go from here?
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, accusations of child endangerment, mentions of mental health issues, financial abuse, possible homelessness
 
Original Post: February 27, 2024
Throwaway because my husband stalks reddit. Also, I know he isn't cheating on me. He's at home more often than not and I have full access to his electronics as does he to mine.
Note: some identifying details have been changed to protect my privacy such as names
My husband and I have been together since we were young teenagers. We got married last year and have a six month old daughter together. She is the light of both our lives as we both came from broken homes and want a better life than we lived growing up.
My best friend came a few years later. We used to live in the same neighborhood and casually began to hang out. She lives with both her parents and siblings as she is studying to get her bachelor's degree. At first, she didn't like my husband. Said that he was clingy and tried to insert himself into our friendship. (WTF?) She was civil to him because he was my romantic partner. For context, my husband is bipolar type 2, autism and PTSD and it causes him to be a little socially awkward and miss certain social cues and taboos. I love him regardless of it all.
Over the last few years, we have been hanging out a lot more. She comes over for a few drinks, we go to movies, and even visit local attractions together. We all three have a good time, and my husband does try to make nights for just the two of us often, too.
However, last year my husband and I found out we were expecting a child together in January. I was working and fell ill because at the time, I was working a fast food place. I threw up and went to the doctor. Come to find out, I was eight and half weeks pregnant. My life changed and I had become more busy to get myself ready for motherhood. My best friend saw me less and less and we couldn't talk as much. My husband I got married almost month and half after discovering we were going to become parents.
That's when our dynamic changed. Recently I applied to school and am currently in college trying to get a law degree so I can become a paralegal and get to law school. I'm also a stay-at-home mom while doing college, too. I've been super busy. One day my husband gets a text, and it's from my best friend. She asks if they can talk, as she was upset. He took the phone call with me protesting and a few minutes later said, "Sandra (fake name), we need to go get Karla (fake name). Her father is picking a fight with her." I get upset as we were watching a movie together and I had just gotten the baby down for bed. We go to her house, which is about twenty minutes away and she stays with us for a night. As I get our daughter back down to bed, Karla asks to cuddle with the two of us in our bed. I was hesitant. I have issues with claustrophobia due to a traumatic experience as a child. My husband gave the go ahead. We settle in for the night. Karla's dad apologized and she heads back home. Once she was gone, I blew up on my husband. What he did did not only inappropriate, but was disrespectful to my boundaries.
Ever since, when she has an issue with her dad, she calls my husband and vents. One day, while my in-laws were staying with us, my MIL overheard a convo with my hubby and Karla. She was concerned and asked me if I was okay with it. I said, "No, not really, but every time I bring it up, he gets defensive, saying that she needs help. That she is going through a hard time. Blah blah blah."
It is important to note that my MIL was cheated on in the past by her ex, my husband's father. We are also extremely close, and she sees me as a daughter. She hates cheaters with a passion, and my husband (who I will refer to as James) was using the same excuses his father did. She asked to speak to him privately and walked to our living room. They got into a heated match and James apologized to me. He said he didn't know that it was hurting me and causing issues in our marriage. I asked him, "How would he feel if I had asked him if another man could sleep in the bed with us?" He kind of deflated and tried to say, "It's different. Blah blah blah." His stepfather, Mark (fake name) spoke up and said, "It is the same. You're uncomfortable with it. So is she. Quit with the excuses." James respects Mark quite a lot actually. Mark raised him since he was 8 and his own father was in and out of the picture. Once the dust settles, my husband truly apologized to me for his actions and said that he would do better. I kissed him and that was that.
However, I wouldn't be right here if that was the end of the issues. Lately, Karla has been calling him three to eight times a day. She says it's because she is bored and has no one else to talk to. I snap. I call him out over the nonchalance about the situation, how when she calls, he answers, how it is making me feel like a third wheel in my marriage, etc. His response? "She's just lonely. You're letting it get to you." That night I slept in the living room.
I'm starting to suspect that she is trying to monopolize his time. She calls him for over an hour each time he calls, they talk, she complains about her life, etc. Almost like she is his girlfriend or something. I am starting to find this relationship troubling. It's getting to the point that it is affecting my marriage. Where do I go from here? Any advice would be appreciated.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the feedback. I'm going to have a talk with him, with his mom involved. He won't listen to me if I don't. I'm tired of fighting him over this. I should have an update with a resolution in a couple days. I'm going to read everyone's responses more thoroughly. Thanks for the advice.
Edit #2: My husband and I had a sit down talk. His mother and stepfather weren't available. He promised me that he would explain everything in detail. I called Karla and she said that we could talk Friday when she wasn't busy with school. She had something she needed to air out. I will have an update on Friday, hopefully...
Edit #3: I woke up to a text from Karla this morning. She actually wants to talk to me tonight, alone, as her schedule has changed We are going to have a heart to heart. Hopefully I will have some news.
Edit #4: I need some time. I will post an update later on. My heart is hurting. Hubby and I are getting a divorce. Thank you for understanding, everybody! 💔
ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP
I quit my job after I found out I was pregnant. I became a stay at home mom. Believe it or not, people can have inheritance and have no bearing on job status. My stbx husband is a construction worker who makes good money. I only worked for my own satisfaction at being able to pay for stuff. His uncle was a financially sound man who had no children. That's why my ex got the house. We were looking at getting our own house soon before he died.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
** Aggravating-Owl-8974:** You’ve set your boundaries and he continues to cross them. Is this how you want your marriage to be?
She won’t stop as long as your husband responds to her every time.

OOP: You're right. I have issues standing up for myself.

Zealousideal_Oil8922: Does he not understand how badly that reflects on him that he is unwilling to explain his actions to his own wife seeing the pain and distress you are in regarding this situation? Or does he simply not care because he has feelings for her?
Imo, if there was no cheating involved he could have reassured you about that but explained what was going on with Karla was a personal matter that she needed to share with you herself.

OOP: Sometimes he thinks I am too emotional. I have PTSD and BPD and he doesn't understand my disorder. He doesn't understand that I feel things intensely or passionately or that it is super easy to hurt my feelings. He never even tries to understand me, autism or not. Honestly I'm considering cutting my losses and going through divorce anyway. It's not worth the emotional anguish he put me through each day.

 
Update: February 29, 2024
This update is hard. Everything about this situation sucks and I don't know if I will be okay for some time. Baby and I are currently staying with my friend, Tanya,
To start, James and I are getting a divorce. Karla is no longer a friend to me or our mutuals. The betrayal is too deep for her to be friends with our group.
As most of you assumed, James and Karla are indeed having an affair. It started about three months ago and just turned physical one month ago. They were planning on just up and leaving after James served me divorce papers. They used the ruse that he was helping her through emotional issues to hide the fact. I was crushed. She wanted to clear the air before it got worse. That was when she dropped a huge bombshell. James was going to try and get me to terminate my rights to my child in order for Karla to adopt her. The reason? My borderline diagnosis a few years ago made me unfit to be a mother and he was sure that the courts would agree. She then handed me two separate stacks of paperwork and left. I am contacting a lawyer as I am writing this.
I was seriously hurt. You guys were right. Karla was a snake and only told me this so she wouldn't feel guilty. However, I am not letting my soon-to-be- ex-husband bully me into termination of my rights. I called him afterwards and got very heated about what was going on. James just sat there in silence. I was crying afterwards. I pleaded with him to tell me what I did wrong.
For a little bit of backstory: I had a near-fatal complication with my delivery of our daughter where I bled my entire labor. I had to have two blood transfusions and haven't fully recovered from it. I was not cleared for any extrenuous activity for three months, including sexual activity. James was getting unsatisfied with all my doctor's appointments and not getting the sex that he wanted. I was hurting and ended up needing another procedure to remove some placenta that didn't naturally come out. I had to have my tubes tied because if I have another child, it will kill me next time. James wanted at least two more kids and this put an end to his plans.
I married a monster. We were together since we were 15 and this is how he repays me? I thought I knew him. He was acting so caring and nice to me. I am absolutely heartbroken. I'm not even sure if I am going to update this anymore, but if I do, it'll be after the divorce settles. Thanks for all your concern. I'm going to step back and take some time to adjust. There is no chance for a healthy co-parenting situation. I'm fighting for primary custody with supervised visits. Karla will not have any access to baby, as I will ask the judge to make a clause preventing her from interacting with my daughter. Thanks for all the advice!
Edit: I forgot to add that I contacted his mother and Mark this morning. They are furious that James is doing this to me. They are helping me foot the cost of a lawyer because I'm a stay-at-home mom and college student. They have kicked James out and he is now staying at our old house with Karla. He did give me the courtesy to get my stuff and didn't put up a fuss about me taking what I wanted. He told me that he will keep in contact for divorce proceedings.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
FragilousSpectunkery: Why did YOU leave? He's the asshole. He's the one that gets to leave.

OOP: It's his house. Inheritance. He only let me stay as a courtesy. His parents didn't know the full story, but now that they do, he overstayed his welcome. They are so angry. I'm not sure if his relationship with his mom or stepdad are salvageable.

MissJoey78: What stands out is he’s threatening to use her Bipolar status against her despite being a parent with bipolar type 2, autism, and PTSD?!?
Lmao dude is evil AND inept.

OOP: I didn't say he was smart, did I? But with me having no financial way to support my child or a stable home, he has slightly better odds. I'm still in contact with his mom and stepfather. I'm hoping they will give me a place at their house for the time being. I feel like I am being intrusive at Tanya's home.

West-Adhesiveness555: Im sorry you are going through this situation. As people say: trust, but verify. You are relying on his parents, but be aware that they are his parents. You need to have a support system that don’t include them.

OOP: I have no one else. My family turned their backs on me. I have no family members who can help.

 
Latest Update here: BoRU #2
 
THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Intelligent_Sand4463
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My husband’s ex gf is dying. Her last wish is to be with my husband.
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, cancer, spousal abandonment, alcoholism, emotional abuse and manipulation, harassment
Original Post: November 3, 2022
First of all, I apologize if this is badly written. English is not my first language, so please be kind.
As the title goes, my[30F] husband’s ex girlfriend[33F] was recently diagnosed with late stage breast cancer and her last wish is to be with my husband[35M].
My husband, let’s call him Seb, and his ex Tanya became best friends after their break up a couple of years ago due to her infidelity. They were together for 5 years. Needless to say, they remain in contact even before he met me. I would be lying if I say it never made me feel uncomfortable even once. It did and it still does because Tanya is still in love with my husband. She never denied it and in fact would even call or message me when she can’t get ahold of Seb. Aside from cancer, she also has some mental health issues, thus my husband would always tell me to be kind and patient. Seb is no longer in love with her of course. She cheated and Seb swore that he will never get back to her and that he only see her as family.
Two weeks ago, my husband received a call from Tanya to tell him about the sad news. My husband cried with her and told her everything is going to be okay. They were on the phone the whole day. (I’m sorry, I forgot to mention that Seb and I moved to Australia a few months ago because of my job and Tanya is in Canada). They mostly talk via long distance call or whats app. They’ve been in contact almost everyday since we left. Which always bothers me but what can I do?
After that call, my husband told me everything. To be honest, I felt bad for her and I genuinely feel sad. I ask him what’s going to happen now. Seb told me he’s going back to Canada. Which is a shock. He then told me that her last wish is to be with him. I didn’t say anything except “what about me?”. He said if I can’t leave my job, then he’s going to “visit” me whenever he gets the chance. I walked out without saying anything.
I’ve been avoiding my husband since the phone call and have been ignoring him whenever he tries to bring up the conversation. Yesterday, I found out he already bought a ticket and is flying back home in January.
I feel like he’s abandoning me but at the same time I feel that I’m selfish for hating both of them. I’m honestly thinking of getting a divorce because obviously he’s choosing her over me but at the same time, I thought of why my husband is so attached to her. Seb considered Tanya and her family like his own as he doesn’t have one. She’s probably like a sister to him now. But Tanya doesn’t fell the same. She’s madly in love my husband and him granting her wish will surely make her think they still have a chance.
My entire life I’ve been putting others first… I’ve been very patient and understanding about their weird relationship. I feel sick, confuse. I want to call her, yell at her for ruining my marriage, for trying to steal my husband from me. For using her sickness to get what she wants. For being a b. I’m so mad at both of them. What did I do to deserve this?
ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP
Thank you all for your comments and messages. I didn’t expect my post to get this much attention. All I wanted is to get this off my chest so I can focus on work and other things. I’ve been a mess and being in another country with no one, only my husband, is making my situation worse.
While some people think that Tanya might be lying about her condition, unfortunately, she’s not. She was originally diagnosed a couple of years ago and has been on a treatment for it. Only recently she found out it progress and is now refusing further treatment. Sorry I wasn’t too clear about this.. My husband said, she’s giving up. In fact, she wanted to give up a long time ago but her family, including my husband, wanted her to fight. He’s going back to Canada to be her support as per her request.
Seb did suggest that I go back home with him. But my job here in Australia is a dream come true for me and I can’t just abandon it, especially not for her.
I know that divorce is the wise decision here. My husband obviously can’t let go of her and we can’t build a life together if he has a baggage. I love my husband so much to the point that I endure all of these through the years. Thinking of divorce makes me feel like I’m dying and I don’t know if I will ever be ready of letting him go..
I haven’t talk to my husband yet but I think he already knows what’s going to happen. I apologize for everyone who’s asking for an update. As many have guessed, I am not a good communicator which is why the situation got this bad. I am partially to blame for letting this happen to me, to us.
I already contact a lawyer to know the next step. Again, thank you everyone for you comments and messages. It made me feel better. I feel horrible for wanting to stop a dying person’s wish and for being mad with someone who’s helpless but you all are right. I should also think of myself.
 
Update: February 10, 2024 (15 months later)
First of all, I apologize for those people who’s been messaging me in the past year asking for an update. I was a mess after what happened and couldn’t talk about it even to my family.
I was reminded of this post because someone messaged me on this reddit account today. It’s been over a year and a lot has happened, I think I’m now ready to talk.
Seb did end up flying back to Canada January last year. Before he flew, we talked about the situation and I told him I’ve been in contact with a divorce lawyer. He was surprised. He said he didn’t expect me to leave him just because he needs to be with his ‘family’. I remember at the time all I felt was anger. I was so mad that he’s making it sound like I’m the bad person. Nevertheless, the conversation didn’t end well. He left without any closure but he said he will be back in March.
I was left alone. January to March last year was the darkest days of my life. I knew I did nothing wrong but i ended up blaming myself for everything. I hate to admit but I cancelled the meeting with my lawyer as I started to doubt if I really want to leave him or not. I love him so much to the point that I’m willing to accept him again when he’s back.
During the entire time he was gone, he rarely called to check on me. I had to call him most of the time (I know, I’m dumb). I feel so alone and sad. I begged for his attention, to give me some of his time, to be with me again. All those time he kept telling me that Tanya needs him more.
March I was expecting him to come back so we can talk. But he didn’t come back. He said he needs to stay more and promised me he will be back in May. I don’t know what happened to me when I got that call from him early March to tell me he won’t be flying back to Australia. At the time, I felt like there’s a switch that suddenly turned off because somehow, I stopped caring. When he told me he won’t be back until May, I knew I have to move forward without him.
Fast forward to May, he was back. That day, we sat down to talk. He broke down and said “I can’t lose you too”. When he said that, I thought Tanya was gone. But no, she’s not and as far as I know, she’s still alive to this day. I asked what happened and he told me that Tanya asked him to go back and be with me. He said that Tanya is sorry for everything. Seb didn’t want to leave her especially when he saw how bad she was doing. They had a fight and according to him, Tanya wants him out of her life.
If I was the same dumb person, I would totally accept him back but at that time, all I can think was “he’s only back because Tanya doesn’t want him anymore”. I let him cry. I comforted him and let him stay in my apartment. A week after, I told him I’m divorcing him. At first he refused to leave. It was a long and painful process but on my birthday in July, he finally realized that he couldn’t manipulate me anymore. By August, he was back in Canada.
Divorce is not finalized yet but we have been separated since he left. He tried to contact me several times last year. Tanya also tried to contact me. Everyone including my family tried to convince me to give him second chance. But that day in March when I finally came back to my senses, I knew nothing can make me change my mind.
As of now, I’m doing fine alone by myself. I got promoted last year and moved to a bigger apartment near the beach. I found new friends and recently getting into Pilates. I’ve travelled Australia and New Zealand and met some amazing people. I feel like a completely different person. Last year was the major turning point of my life. Seb still bothers me from time to time but he knows I couldn’t care less anymore. Sometimes I talk to him. I still care but not as much. I’ve been told by our common friends that he’s not doing well. He became alcoholic and couldn’t get a good job because of it. He’s mostly couchsurfing because Tanya doesn’t want him to live with her. Lol. That bitch.
Thank you so much Reddit for taking the time reading this and my post last year. Your advices means a lot to me.
For those people who are in the same situation as me, please know that everything is going to be better. I thought I can’t get through this. There are times I thought of taking my own life. It was hard. But I promise you, it will be better. You’d be surprise how strong you are and how amazing life can be.
RELEVANT COMMENTS

chckennutbread What a wild read. I’m sorry that it took Tanya rejecting your ex to realize that he’s losing you too. I remember reading your story and getting so mad for you. You deserve someone who prioritizes you and doesn’t leave you hanging for months.
I’m glad you’re doing okay now, you are so, so strong. From a sincere Reddit stranger, I’m proud of you and how well you handled the situation. I’m wishing the best for you OP, congrats on the new life.

 

SnooWords4839 ((HUGS)) I am curious if Tanya was ever really dying.
I am glad you are moving forward and living your best life!  

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Intelligent_Sand4463 posting in TrueOffMyChest
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 3rd November 2022
Update - 11th February 2024
​
My husband’s ex gf is dying. Her last wish is to be with my husband.
​
First of all, I apologize if this is badly written. English is not my first language, so please be kind.
As the title goes, my[30F] husband’s ex girlfriend[33F] was recently diagnosed with late stage breast cancer and her last wish is to be with my husband[35M].
My husband, let’s call him Seb, and his ex Tanya became bestfriends after their break up a couple of years ago due to her infidelity. They were together for 5 years. Needless to say, they remain in contact even before he met me. I would be lying if I say it never made me feel uncomfortable even once. It did and it still does because Tanya is still in love with my husband. She never denied it and in fact would even call or message me when she can’t get ahold of Seb. Aside from cancer, she also has some mental health issues, thus my husband would always tell me to be kind and patient. Seb is no longer in love with her of course. She cheated and Seb swore that he will never get back to her and that he only see her as family.
Two weeks ago, my husband received a call from Tanya to tell him about the sad news. My husband cried with her and told her everything is going to be okay. They were on the phone the whole day. (I’m sorry, I forgot to mention that Seb and I moved to Australia a few months ago because of my job and Tanya is in Canada). They mostly talk via long distance call or whats app. They’ve been in contact almost everyday since we left. Which always bothers me but what can I do?
After that call, my husband told me everything. To be honest, I felt bad for her and I genuinely feel sad. I ask him what’s going to happen now. Seb told me he’s going back to Canada. Which is a shock. He then told me that her last wish is to be with him. I didn’t say anything except “what about me?”. He said if I can’t leave my job, then he’s going to “visit” me whenever he gets the chance. I walked out without saying anything.
I’ve been avoiding my husband since the phone call and have been ignoring him whenever he tries to bring up the conversation. Yesterday, I found out he already bought a ticket and is flying back home in January.
I feel like he’s abandoning me but at the same time I feel that I’m selfish for hating both of them. I’m honestly thinking of getting a divorce because obviously he’s choosing her over me but at the same time, I thought of why my husband is so attached to her. Seb considered Tanya and her family like his own as he doesn’t have one. She’s probably like a sister to him now. But Tanya doesn’t fell the same. She’s madly in love my husband and him granting her wish will surely make her think they still have a chance.
My entire life I’ve been putting others first… I’ve been very patient and understanding about their weird relationship. I feel sick, confuse. I want to call her, yell at her for ruining my marriage, for trying to steal my husband from me. For using her sickness to get what she wants. For being a b. I’m so mad at both of them. What did I do to deserve this?
​
Comments
​
Dry_Ask5493
First, her request is manipulative, inappropriate and unreasonable. Second, info needed: by be with her, what does that mean? Like just be there to hold her hand or to be sexual or what? Third, I would straight up tell your husband that if he chooses her that your marriage is likely over. Especially, if her request includes sexual interaction.
​
Chemical_Society7615
This was my thought also… even if it’s to just be with her, she’s gonna try to bang that husband. “Please just once more, I’m DYING”
​
SnooWords4839
Is he working? How will he pay for the visits? How kind of him to say he will visit his wife when he gets a chance.
​
UnitedSam
Also he's not just giving up on his wife he's giving up on his life in Australia and his work there, I definitely think he's going back to be with Tanya
redrumWinsNational
Is she even terminal ? She has mental health issues, did she just create this cancer out of desperation? As far as your marriage goes it doesn’t even matter, your husband Seb has made his decision and OP is definitely not at the top. She was a place holder while Seb’s sensitive feelings were healing from old GF cheating. OP it’s time for divorce unless you can accept what you know. Seb needs to get his priorities in order and sadly for OP he seems to have shown his hand. A year from now we will be reading about the Great Canadian miracle
​
sockpuppet_285358521
She might not be dying. Stage 4 does not mean a short life expectancy.
​
luv2lafRN
Oncology nurse here. Can confirm. Can be several years before she would succumb to the disease. As a side note: In high school my bf's ex told him that she had cancer. He went back to her. She was at the 10 year reunion. Never had cancer.
​

OOP: Thank you all for your comments and messages. I didn’t expect my post to get this much attention. All I wanted is to get this off my chest so I can focus on work and other things. I’ve been a mess and being in another country with no one, only my husband, is making my situation worse.
While some people think that Tanya might be lying about her condition, unfortunately, she’s not. She was originally diagnosed a couple of years ago and has been on a treatment for it. Only recently she found out it progress and is now refusing further treatment. Sorry I wasn’t too clear about this.. My husband said, she’s giving up. In fact, she wanted to give up a long time ago but her family, including my husband, wanted her to fight. He’s going back to Canada to be her support as per her request.
Seb did suggest that I go back home with him. But my job here in Australia is a dream come true for me and I can’t just abandon it, especially not for her.
I know that divorce is the wise decision here. My husband obviously can’t let go of her and we can’t build a life together if he has a baggage. I love my husband so much to the point that I endure all of these through the years. Thinking of divorce makes me feel like I’m dying and I don’t know if I will ever be ready of letting him go..
I haven’t talk to my husband yet but I think he already knows what’s going to happen. I apologize for everyone who’s asking for an update. As many have guessed, I am not a good communicator which is why the situation got this bad. I am partially to blame for letting this happen to me, to us.
I already contact a lawyer to know the next step. Again, thank you everyone for you comments and messages. It made me feel better. I feel horrible for wanting to stop a dying person’s wish and for being mad with someone who’s helpless but you all are right. I should also think of myself.

​
Update - 15 months later
​
First of all, I apologize for those people who’s been messaging me in the past year asking for an update. I was a mess after what happened and couldn’t talk about it even to my family.
I was reminded of this post because someone messaged me on this reddit account today. It’s been over a year and a lot has happened, I think I’m now ready to talk.
Seb did end up flying back to Canada January last year. Before he flew, we talked about the situation and I told him I’ve been in contact with a divorce lawyer. He was surprised. He said he didn’t expect me to leave him just because he needs to be with his ‘family’. I remember at the time all I felt was anger. I was so mad that he’s making it sound like I’m the bad person. Nevertheless, the conversation didn’t end well. He left without any closure but he said he will be back in March.
I was left alone. January to March last year was the darkest days of my life. I knew I did nothing wrong but i ended up blaming myself for everything. I hate to admit but I cancelled the meeting with my lawyer as I started to doubt if I really want to leave him or not. I love him so much to the point that I’m willing to accept him again when he’s back.
During the entire time he was gone, he rarely called to check on me. I had to call him most of the time (I know, I’m dumb). I feel so alone and sad. I begged for his attention, to give me some of his time, to be with me again. All those time he kept telling me that Tanya needs him more.
March I was expecting him to come back so we can talk. But he didn’t come back. He said he needs to stay more and promised me he will be back in May. I don’t know what happened to me when I got that call from him early March to tell me he won’t be flying back to Australia. At the time, I felt like there’s a switch that suddenly turned off because somehow, I stopped caring. When he told me he won’t be back until May, I knew I have to move forward without him.
Fast forward to May, he was back. That day, we sat down to talk. He broke down and said “I can’t lose you too”. When he said that, I thought Tanya was gone. But no, she’s not and as far as I know, she’s still alive to this day. I asked what happened and he told me that Tanya asked him to go back and be with me. He said that Tanya is sorry for everything. Seb didn’t want to leave her especially when he saw how bad she was doing. They had a fight and according to him, Tanya wants him out of her life.
If I was the same dumb person, I would totally accept him back but at that time, all I can think was “he’s only back because Tanya doesn’t want him anymore”. I let him cry. I comforted him and let him stay in my apartment. A week after, I told him I’m divorcing him. At first he refused to leave. It was a long and painful process but on my birthday in July, he finally realized that he couldn’t manipulate me anymore. By August, he was back in Canada.
Divorce is not finalized yet but we have been separated since he left. He tried to contact me several times last year. Tanya also tried to contact me. Everyone including my family tried to convince me to give him second chance. But that day in March when I finally came back to my senses, I knew nothing can make me change my mind.
As of now, I’m doing fine alone by myself. I got promoted last year and moved to a bigger apartment near the beach. I found new friends and recently getting into Pilates. I’ve travelled Australia and New Zealand and met some amazing people. I feel like a completely different person. Last year was the major turning point of my life. Seb still bothers me from time to time but he knows I couldn’t care less anymore. Sometimes I talk to him. I still care but not as much. I’ve been told by our common friends that he’s not doing well. He became alcoholic and couldn’t get a good job because of it. He’s mostly couchsurfing because Tanya doesn’t want him to live with her. Lol. That bitch.
Thank you so much Reddit for taking the time reading this and my post last year. Your advices means a lot to me.
For those people who are in the same situation as me, please know that everything is going to be better. I thought I can’t get through this. There are times I thought of taking my own life. It was hard. But I promise you, it will be better. You’d be surprise how strong you are and how amazing life can be.
​
Comments
​
hckennutbread
What a wild read. I’m sorry that it took Tanya rejecting your ex to realize that he’s losing you too. I remember reading your story and getting so mad for you. You deserve someone who prioritizes you and doesn’t leave you hanging for months. I’m glad you’re doing okay now, you are so, so strong. From a sincere Reddit stranger, I’m proud of you and how well you handled the situation. I’m wishing the best for you OP, congrats on the new life.
​
genescheesesthatplz
I remember you!!! Thanks for the update. The absolute audacity of only coming back and begging you to stay because Tanya didn’t want him. Keep thriving!
​
Laila_kiss07
Exactly, the fact that he said "I can't lose you too" felt so yucky to me. I'm so glad OP is healing, she deserves so much better.
​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

First of all, I apologize for those people who’s been messaging me in the past year asking for an update. I was a mess after what happened and couldn’t talk about it even to my family.
I was reminded of this post because someone messaged me on this reddit account today. It’s been over a year and a lot has happened, I think I’m now ready to talk.
Seb did end up flying back to Canada January last year. Before he flew, we talked about the situation and I told him I’ve been in contact with a divorce lawyer. He was surprised. He said he didn’t expect me to leave him just because he needs to be with his ‘family’. I remember at the time all I felt was anger. I was so mad that he’s making it sound like I’m the bad person. Nevertheless, the conversation didn’t end well. He left without any closure but he said he will be back in March.
I was left alone. January to March last year was the darkest days of my life. I knew I did nothing wrong but i ended up blaming myself for everything. I hate to admit but I cancelled the meeting with my lawyer as I started to doubt if I really want to leave him or not. I love him so much to the point that I’m willing to accept him again when he’s back.
During the entire time he was gone, he rarely called to check on me. I had to call him most of the time (I know, I’m dumb). I feel so alone and sad. I begged for his attention, to give me some of his time, to be with me again. All those time he kept telling me that Tanya needs him more.
March I was expecting him to come back so we can talk. But he didn’t come back. He said he needs to stay more and promised me he will be back in May. I don’t know what happened to me when I got that call from him early March to tell me he won’t be flying back to Australia. At the time, I felt like there’s a switch that suddenly turned off because somehow, I stopped caring. When he told me he won’t be back until May, I knew I have to move forward without him.
Fast forward to May, he was back. That day, we sat down to talk. He broke down and said “I can’t lose you too”. When he said that, I thought Tanya was gone. But no, she’s not and as far as I know, she’s still alive to this day. I asked what happened and he told me that Tanya asked him to go back and be with me. He said that Tanya is sorry for everything. Seb didn’t want to leave her especially when he saw how bad she was doing. They had a fight and according to him, Tanya wants him out of her life.
If I was the same dumb person, I would totally accept him back but at that time, all I can think was “he’s only back because Tanya doesn’t want him anymore”. I let him cry. I comforted him and let him stay in my apartment. A week after, I told him I’m divorcing him. At first he refused to leave. It was a long and painful process but on my birthday in July, he finally realized that he couldn’t manipulate me anymore. By August, he was back in Canada.
Divorce is not finalized yet but we have been separated since he left. He tried to contact me several times last year. Tanya also tried to contact me. Everyone including my family tried to convince me to give him second chance. But that day in March when I finally came back to my senses, I knew nothing can make me change my mind.
As of now, I’m doing fine alone by myself. I got promoted last year and moved to a bigger apartment near the beach. I found new friends and recently getting into Pilates. I’ve travelled Australia and New Zealand and met some amazing people. I feel like a completely different person. Last year was the major turning point of my life. Seb still bothers me from time to time but he knows I couldn’t care less anymore. Sometimes I talk to him. I still care but not as much. I’ve been told by our common friends that he’s not doing well. He became alcoholic and couldn’t get a good job because of it. He’s mostly couchsurfing because Tanya doesn’t want him to live with her. Lol. That bitch.
Thank you so much Reddit for taking the time reading this and my post last year. Your advices means a lot to me.
For those people who are in the same situation as me, please know that everything is going to be better. I thought I can’t get through this. There are times I thought of taking my own life. It was hard. But I promise you, it will be better. You’d be surprise how strong you are and how amazing life can be.

Telethia Good was adopted by her parents Vernon and Emma Good at six months old in Newark, New Jersey. Shortly later, the family relocated to Baltimore, Maryland. Vernon and Emma ended up divorcing when Telethia was two. While Emma maintained primary custody, Telethia still had regular visitation with her father every other weekend and spent the last two weeks of every summer with him. Telethia, called Lee Lee by her family, has been described by her family as a happy and well-behaved child who loved school and being with her friends. Shortly before her disappearance, Telethia approached her mother to ask if she was adopted. Emma was unsure what exactly prompted her to ask the question but, told her that she had heard that adopted kids were babies nobody wanted. Emma reassured her daughter by telling her that she and her father loved her dearly and specifically wanted her. Though Telethia had appeared troubled by the revelation, she had not brought it up since the conversation and did not display any abnormal changes in behavior.
On September 9, 1978 (the day before Telethia would vanish), she and Emma went to the local mall for a mother-daughter day. Telethia was excited about starting the second grade and they had gone to buy school supplies and do some shopping. Telethia also got her portrait taken at a local studio. Emma remembers Telethia being in a good, excitable mood. The next day, September 10, Emma planned to attend a special anniversary church service at Mount Sinai Church of Our Lord Jesus Christ that began in the afternoon and would be followed by a dinner. Knowing that Telethia would both not enjoy and be unable to sit through the long service, Emma dropped her off at her sister’s (Telethia’s aunt’s) house on Montpelier Street only three blocks away. Telethia immediately went to play with a trio of local neighborhood girls but, would occasionally run back to the house to let her 17-year-old cousin, who was watching her, know that she was okay. Telethia’s only rule was that she had to be back before the sun went down. However, when Emma arrived to get Telethia at 10 PM, she still had not returned.
The cousin had noticed that Telethia had not checked in after a while and went outside to look for her. The neighborhood girls had already gone home and Telethia was nowhere in sight. By the time Emma had arrived, family members and neighbors had been canvassing the area for over an hour. Upon realizing what was happening, Emma immediately drove to the police department and reported her daughter missing. Officers tried to reassure Emma that her daughter was likely still in the neighborhood and had just lost track of time. Officers then arrived to knock on doors. Their concern grew when no one reported having seen her in several hours. Police briefly searched Clifton Park and Lake Montebello, where Telethia was known to sometime play. A more extensive search of Clifton Park was done on Mondy with over a dozen officers and bloodhounds and continued clear to Tuesday evening, however no trace of Telethia was found. Large scale searches of Lake Montebello were conducted with helicopters and search-dogs Wednesday and Thursday. Still, Telethia’s whereabouts remained unknown.
Vernon Good was interviewed multiple times and his home was searched but, was eventually ruled out as a suspect in his daughter’s disapearance. Neighbors on Montpelier Street had reported seeing a suspicious man in the neighborhood the day Telethia vanished but, no one was able to provide a description. In October of 1978, a local woman living in a nursery home called police saying that she had been having dreams that Telethia was in Lake Clifton or the Druid Resevoir. However, subsequent searches of these areas turned up nothing.
On February 2, 1988, nearly ten years after Telethia had vanished, 11 year old Latonya (sometimes spelled LaTanya) disappeared after last being seen leaving the Enoch Pratt Library on Park Avenue. Latonya, an honor student who loved to read and dance, lived in the Reservoir Hill area of Baltimore. She would be found two days later on February 4. Her body would be found placed in the backyard of a local home, only four blocks from her own residence and a few hundred yards from the library. She had been sexually assaulted, strangled and stabbed. She was placed on top of the raincoat she’d been last seen in and with the bookbag she had been carrying. Her homicide, sadly, remains unsolved. Following her death, Latonya’s school dedicated their library to her and her church created a scholarship in her name to aid gifted children in her neighborhood.
Latonya’s case would inspire a major plot line on NBC series Homicide: Life on The Streets and was profiled in David Simon’s book Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets (which would go on to inspire The Wire). In Simon’s book, he references a prime suspect in Latonya’s case known only as the Fish Man, due to his occupation as a fishseller. The Fish Man, who is now deceased, knew Latonya and had a history of sexual assault. Police attempted to connect the Fish Man to other cases. Simon references another case that police believed the man to be potentially connected to - the disappearance of a nine-year-old girl in 1979 on Montpelier Street. Some hypothesize that this unnamed child could be Telethia, though she was seven and disappeared in 1978 but did vanish from Montpelier Street. The Fish Man had a business partner who lived on the street and he had been seen multiple times in the neighborhood. The Fish Man was shown a picture of the child who may be Telethia and either denied knowing her or claimed to know then said he didn’t. No charges were ever brought against the Fish Man in either case.
At the time Telethia disappeared, she was seven years old. She is African-American with black hair and brown eyes. She stands at 3’4’’ and weighs 60 pounds. She was last seen wearing a blue t-shirt that read Collington Square and blue jeans or gaucho pants. She was missing two front teeth. There is DNA available in her case and she has been ruled out as a potential identity for the St. Louis Jane Doe. If alive, Telethia would be 52 years old today.
Sources
The Charley Project
Charley Project Blog
Namus
Medium
The Evening Sun (Article on Latonya’s case)

My wife and I just finished binging both seasons of the show and loved it. However, there were some serious flaws in the plan to kill Tanya that bothered me:

• How would they possibly get away with it? Tanya was seen in public on multiple occasions with Quentin and his buddies. They would all instantly be the prime suspects, especially once Quentin's past with Greg comes to light. Quentin seems smart enough to know this.
• What was their plan with Portia? Everything becomes even harder to cover up if they have to get rid of her too.
• If you are going to kill Tanya, why bring her so close to shore? Why not just dump her body into the middle of the sea far from shore?
• If they are going to kill her, why does she have sex with Niccolo? No way that guy is interested in sleeping with Tanya unless he is a sex worker and not a hit man.

Here's how I would have rewritten the show:

• Greg and Quentin's plan is to use the video of her having sex with Niccolo to secure a nice payout to Greg in the divorce (if she's worth $500m, maybe a $50m-$75m payout). The idea behind this is that she has to pay a lump sum in case of infidelity as a way to protect Greg.
• However, Tanya misinterprets the plan and thinks they want to kill her. She freaks out the same way she did in the show, kills Quentin and Niccolo and the others, and then has the same derpy death.

I look forward to hearing why this is dumb.

Alateen
​The Wake Up Call
What makes me happy is when my brother is sober and my family goes to meetings. I feel sad when I find my dad passed out on the couch because he’s had too much to drink. I know he’s hurting himself.
​Out of the Twelve Steps, I’ve experienced nine of them. I’ll tell you, they’ve helped me greatly in dealing with the alcoholic. They kept me sane, even when he yelled at me for his own problems.
My dad hurt my family and divorced my mom when I was six-and-a-half years old. I didn’t really know about his disease, but when I got into the sixth grade I realized what the problem was. My dad was having too much to drink. I didn’t do anything like throw away his bottles-but I hated him, I really did. Then one night my brother got drunk and the police caught him. For us, that was the wake-up call to let us know we needed help.
My mom found Al-Anon and I found Alateen for younger members, since I was only 11. After being with the young members a while, someone told me about a regular Alateen group. So I was going to two meetings a week. One met on Tuesdays and the one met on Wednesdays.
After being in the program, I learned that I didn’t hate my dad. I loved him-I just hated the disease he and my brother had. I believe God wouldn’t put me in a situation if He thought I couldn’t handle it.
By Tanya S., California March, 1998
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.

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• Danielle Olivera & Jordan Emanuel Reveal Their Go-To Tips for an "Epic" Holiday Season (Bravo Style & Living)
• Winter House's Jordan Emanuel supported her co-star Alex Propson as he guest bartended at Montauk's Memory Motel NYC Pop Up launch of SUNDAYS ARE HALF THE WEEKEND kickoff party (Page Six Star Snaps)
• John Mayer, Andy Cohen and other stars celebrate B.J. Novak’s ChainFest (Page Six exclusive details)
• John Oliver Wants Andy Cohen to Recruit George Santos for ‘Real Housewives’ (Rolling Stone)

SYDNEY

• Real Housewives of Sydney tensions ‘BOILING OVER’ post-show after intense ‘JEALOUSY’ plagues cast (So Dramatic! exclusive)

CHESHIRE

• Former Man United star Phil Bardsley and Real Housewives wife Tanya are slammed by fans for pretending to wash out their seven-year-old son's mouth with shampoo - after catching him telling his brother to 'f*** off' (Daily Mail)

Links to this week's episode discussion posts:

• RHOP S8E5 🌸
• M2M S10E5 🩺
• RHOBH S13E6 💎
• RHOM S6E5 🍹

Here are some google translated key points I find interesting. They also talked about culture and a little bit about politics. You can find the original article by at the bottom of this blogpost: https://rewritingrussiangymnastics.blogspot.com/2023/11/maria-paseka-in-china-her-experiences.html (unfortunately I cannot post any Russian website links here due to Reddit rules)
Last year, Paseka surprised me: she left to work as a coach for the Chinese national team. In the talk show they called her a traitor, but a year later Maria returned.
“A year ago, an acquaintance called me,” Paseka said. “I was at a time in my life when I really needed money. He said that there is a job in China, a contract for a year, they pay very well.
– How well?
– According to the contract, I cannot name the amount for five years. But I will say that a gymnastics coach in Moscow will never earn so much in his life.
– Did you even understand what kind of work it would be?
– At first, no. Then they explained to me that we were talking about the Chinese national team. I was a little freaked out, because in Russia at that time I was working in a commercial club with kids. I didn’t even practice sports with them, but developmental gymnastics. The children came to me for an hour, jumped up, as we say, and left. Initially, I just wanted to try: can I even work as a coach or not?
But I quickly realized that working in commerce for a professional athlete is thankless. Nobody was particularly interested in the result there; it’s difficult to come to terms with this. Several times, if I saw a talented child, I advised parents to send him to real sports, but then it’s still their decision.
And then they offer me the Chinese national team! There was an urgent need to leave; there was no time to think. But this is for the better: after the divorce, I needed to find my feet again. And I thought that going so far, getting out of my comfort zone was what I needed.
– Was it scary?
– Rather interesting. I used to look at people who moved to other countries and didn’t understand: how do they do it? And then I had a unique chance to try it. Moreover, with a guaranteed job and a return ticket home in a year. This is a colossal life experience, why not?
– Your former teammate Tatyana Nabieva went with you. How did this happen?
– The Chinese needed a second coach. Tanya and I are friends, and I thought about her. She finished her career before me, managed to work as a coach in Dagestan, and already had quite strong children. I understood that I needed someone who would support me. And I was very glad when she agreed.
– What was the name of your position?
– Specialist coach of the women's team. Above us was the senior coach of the women's team, the head coach, and so on. We communicated through a translator; almost everyone there had problems with English.
At first, the Chinese did not perceive us at all. I understand them: two young girls, Masha and Tanya, arrived and began to teach them, adults who had been working for 20 years, something.
I remember the Russian team had the same situation: foreign coaches came to us before the Olympics in London, and our mentors also did not understand what they wanted from them. I think this is a normal human reaction.
At first it seemed to the Chinese that we were almost causing harm. Although I explained: “You remember us, you saw us on the platform, you understand who we are... And we show you the exercises that we ourselves did. If we succeeded, then your girls will succeed too.”
The Chinese have a hard time accepting new things. And here the element doesn’t work out the first time, well, because no one can do it the first time. You need to take 10-15 minutes a day out of your schedule, and so on for two weeks. Then the child will understand and do it!
Things took off as soon as my girl learned a two-twist jump with a rear rotor (not sure what the correct translation here is) in a week. The Chinese were delighted! Then there was already a turn for me: the coaches themselves came up and asked me to work out with their athletes.
– Did you just consult? You didn’t have your own students?
– We worked in groups: I had two of my own, Tanya had her own. There were girls aged 12-21. Naturally, they had their own coaches and the head coach of the national team. But we oversaw all the preparation.
What immediately shocked me was the number of repetitions. They make them endlessly. Due to my contract, I can’t give specific examples, but believe me: in terms of endurance, they are simply crazy.
But the fact is that modern gymnastics has changed. Now it makes no sense to work on quantity without paying special attention to quality.
– The Chinese are incredibly hard-working and obedient. Looks like it's not a myth?
– Pure truth! If the training ends, conventionally, at 9 pm, then at 8:57 no one will leave. Or, for example, training usually lasts three hours, but the Chinese women will manage to do much more in these three hours than we did in Russia.
They jumped off the projectile (not sure what this means), went to the next one without further ado, and so on. On the one hand, this is good. But on the other hand, it seems to me that time to chat or discuss something with the coach is also necessary. It’s impossible to perform insane volumes like a robot every day.
– Do they have days off?
– One day, Sunday. But this does not mean that they will lie on their beds and die from muscle pain, as we did. They still go to the gym, flex, and stretch.
– Can they leave the base on a day off? For example, take a walk, see your parents, friends?
– We could travel without restrictions. But in order for the girls to leave, they had to write a special paper, something like a vacation application. Or parents can come to their base on certain days. For example, on Chinese New Year they have no training for a week. This is probably the only such case of the year.
I also heard that during the pandemic they stayed at the sports center for three years and did not see any of their relatives. I can't even imagine how hard it was.
– How do you feel about her (Simone Biles), by the way? Senior coach Valentina Rodionenko believes that she is “scary to look at.”
– We performed together, and for me she was a huge incentive. For a long time I dreamed of winning against her, and this was only possible if she made a mistake. And according to the law of meanness, she made mistakes only when I was not at the competition!
The only time I managed to win was at the 2015 World Championships in Glasgow. And that’s because she didn’t perform her most difficult vault, but I did mine. I won then, the girl from the DPRK was second, and Simone was third.
Personally, I have always liked Simone. Off the platform she is very cheerful and friendly. In Rio 2016, after the jump, she came up to me to congratulate me, but I’m taller than her, I didn’t even immediately notice who was poking me in the back.
Biles is a gymnast of unique talent. I don't even understand how she manages to do some things. I would like to ask: is this really a person from our planet?
– What have you learned from the Chinese this year?
– Probably peace of mind. I’m emotional, and they raise their voices in the gym only if the athlete literally doesn’t hear them: for example, the coach is on the uneven bars, and she is on the vault. To yell at a child - I’ve never seen anything like this.
Although, probably, an amendment must be made here that we are still strangers to them. And many things probably took place behind closed doors, we did not see them.
– Were there options to stay and continue working in China?
– Not in the national team. Unfortunately, the management there did not understand that children are not robots, and they need time to digest changes in technology. The Chinese needed quick results. And we explained to them that it won’t work out like that, it doesn’t happen like that at all.
At the same time, we parted with the local coaches as best friends. They said that they would miss us and did not understand why the contract with us was not renewed. And in the end we were offered to stay, but in one of the provinces. In our opinion, this is the regional team.
I haven't answered anything yet, I think. In any case, you first need to get a new passport, and in Moscow now this is not easy. I have already filled out the online application several times and received a refusal. Maybe this is a sign from above that there is no need to go?