Olde english phrase

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For a moment I am shocked. If I had expected anyone to be here, aside from the Librarian herself, it would be Ricardo! But I guess the world is trying to surprise me today? Then again, considering the rumors, miss Pelafina wasn’t that much of an outrage either.

Then it hits me. What does she mean ‘took you long enough’, huh!?

“She was waiting for y—”

Yes I get that part! Was this whole deal a game for her?

I take my first steps towards her, a little indignant and I feel it is justified, but then I notice something in the corner of my eye. Movement. I immediately turn on my heels to face it: there’s shades of black in the darkness, at least in one spot. Soon, a figure steps up from the corner of the room, dressed in a long black cloak, dressing pants and elegant shoes. The hood covers their head and some magical darkness obscurs their eyes, but I can see a few locks of green hair slip from underneath the shadow.

The figure lifts a hand, they are even wearing black gloves! That’s some commitment to the bit.

“Yo. The name is Lucía. Sorry for skulking around but it is kind of my job; I assume you already know Overseer Pelafina?” She smirks. “She gets around! She said she was waiting for a Bastard to arrive but, Hell, we thought it was just an excuse of hers to skip work!”

“I am very responsible, excuse you.” Pelafina frowns, shaking her head softly. “Ignore Lucy, dear. She’s just my assigned guard, here to keep me safe!”

Her assigned guard? So she IS with the Cloaks after all! I mean, if the cloak she’s wearing wasn’t indication enough. I don’t like her, not one bit. She’s smiling too much, just balancing on her heels and toes while I stand there. I don’t wanna say I hate her, we’ve barely exchanged words… but I don’t like her. Not one bit.

I decide to take Pelafina’s words to heart and ignore her, when another thing hits me.

“Overseer Pelafina!? But you’re just the lady from the bookstore!” I think my eyes are going to jump right out of my skull like in one of those old cartoons.

“A girl has to move up in this world if she wants to survive.” The old lady chuckled, just a little bit. “You know my name, but I never truly caught yours though. How do we call you, dear?”

Fuck, here we go with names again… but hey, maybe this is a great chance to build a new identity for myself!

“People call me Tav.” I say, trying to puff up my chest a bit.

“That was not what she asked though!” Lucía intervenes with a singsongy voice.

“Oh let her have her own nom de guerre, Lucy. It’s adorable!” Having these two messing with me is really going to be bad for my health. I’ll have to endure it though. “Alright then, Tav. If you’re here, I assume you managed to read through the book at least a bit?”

I flinch. Just how much does this woman know? Did she know the contents of the book from the start? Is this a weird ‘Hero’s journey’ situation? A mysterious adventure she has sent me into so I grow as a person?

Or is she just fucking with me.

“Well? Don’t keep me waiting! It’s been days!” Pelafina insists with a twinkle shining in her eyes.

“... I have a few words translated.” I managed to say.

“Oh great! So Humiko left you hints. That’s great.”

“Miss Pelafina–”

“Please, just call me P.”

“Uhm. Miss P.” I gulp. “Just how much do you know of the book, exactly?”

“Well, Humiko asked me personally to keep it safe, so that’s one thing.” The overseer counts with her fingers. “I know it is written in Magic Runes, which… shouldn’t be possible, and yet, there it is! I trust Humiko enough to know it has to be real.”

“Wait.” I blink. “What do you mean ‘shouldn’t be possible’?”

“Magic is not a language, or at least it hasn’t been understood as one until… well, right now.” The old lady smiles a bit wider. “If you manage to make more sense of it than a few phrases, you’d be making history, boy!”

Again with the damn gendering… I frown a little bit but, try not to make it too visible. I gotta focus.

“Yeah, get it together. This is not the time for your ridiculous whining.”

Sigh.

“So you know what the book is, but you don’t know what it says.”

“To be honest, I am not really sure what it is either.” Pelafina admits with an embarrassed grin. “All I know is that it is a project Humiko had for a long time already, and according to her express instructions, the hints could only be read by a sleeper.”

I haven’t really checked if I can no longer check Humiko’s note in the book, so there’s homework for when I return.

“I am sorry we put this on you with deceit and all, but would you have really believed me if I said ‘You have to study magic’ just like that?” The old lady shrugs. “It was necessary, and if Ricardo could see the potential in you, then this was surely the correct choice.”

“Is Ricardo an Overseer too?” I feel like that is a sensible question.

“Oh heavens no, he’s a Sleeper. Not a word of this to him, you hear me?” P’s gesture grows severe for a moment. “I don’t want him involved in such things at his age. He had enough adventures already.”

I guess the rumors of Ricardo being a world-trotting adventurer are also true. Huh.

“So. Tell me, what did you learn?”

She’s very eager… I can notice Lucía’s gaze on me, too. They are both very, very eager.

“This doesn’t make sense.”

Right? It’s all wrong.

The book’s first warning was to avoid the cloaks, and yet here’s P! Just hanging out with this one, talking about the book like it’s nothing!

Well, if it’s true that she doesn’t know the contents, I can lie through my teeth!

“Well… I’ve learned a few characters. Do you have somewhere to write?” My body suddenly relaxes, my demeanor tightens. I may be bad at many things, but lying? I was born lying in this world and I can keep it up no matter what.

“Ah, sure. Lucy!”

The guard walks up to me casually, offering me a fancy black leather notebook decorated with a golden apple and a silver arrow piercing it. She even opens the yellow pages for me, and provides a cheap plastic pen.

I nod, and quickly begin scribbling.

I scribble ‘Tlo’i’, ‘Golthoi’ and ‘Thako’ with their respective symbols.

“There. These are the ones I’ve learned.”

Lucía looks at me dead in the eye for a moment. I can feel the sharpness of her wit, she’s trying to read me… but it will be useless. I am in a dissertation now, bitch. I’ve been doing these for years, it’s my one skill.

“Interesting.” Lucía nods.

“So, what do these mean?” Pelafina approaches us to check on the symbols. “Terrible calligraphy, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.” The confidence abandons me for a moment, before I puff up my chest again and begin talking. “The first one is the word for ‘Butterfly’. The second one is a word for the action of turning something on, the third one… I am not sure yet.”

“When used on a spell, it makes the effect happen upon touching the glyph.” Lucía knows. “It’s a very common one.”

“Glyph?” I tilt my head.

“She means a combination of Runes, dear.” P smiles warmly. “Alright, so ‘Butterfly’, ‘Ignite’ and ‘Touch’, then?”

I never said ‘Ignite’ for Golthoi, but I guess that is a interpretation of it?

… Interesting. That these things have different meanings in different contexts, would that affect casting?

“Ah, I also found this.” I draw ‘Jo’ in the book. “Does this mean anything?”

“That one is used to counteract spells. If you draw this in a Glyph, it cancels its effect.” Lucía seems happy to provide the knowledge I lack.

I actually appreciate it, for it immediately made something click in my brain.

“It means ‘No’.” A voice whispers in my head, my own voice.

Yes. It’s a negative. That’s why it isn’t so common on its own. When added to another symbol, it negates it. ‘No-Light’ must be a way to say ‘Darkness’ or such… or… backwards, ‘No-Darkness’ equals ‘Light’.

Would this be dependent on the culture?

I smile a little bit to myself. This knowledge I will keep up my sleeve for now.

“What’s that smile for? Did you see something new?” Lucía is way too sharp to keep that smile from. I have to make something up quick.

“I realized I now know how to counter spells. That’s so cool…” I whisper to myself, channeling some of that wonder into my lie.

She seems to buy it, for she immediately focuses on correcting me.

“Knowing the Counterspell Rune is not enough, there are other factors to consider, so don’t go around trying to counter every spell so quickly.” She give me a smile I really dislike.

“Hmmm… well, that’s plenty for now,if that is all.” Pelafina shrugs softly. “It is quite late already… go back home for now, Tav.”

“B-But. I have so many questions!” I immediately pout. Saints damn it, so close to learn actually useful stuff!

“Yes, but sadly I cannot teach you. As the Overseer, I am bound by oath to remain neutral and not show favoritism for anyone.” The woman shrugged. “So, I can’t really teach you much. But, if you identify more words, I can definitely give you a few more pointers!”

“Fine…” A defeated sigh escapes my lips. So I’ll have to buy knowledge with knowledge, hmm? I look at Lucía for a second.

“Nope. I am too young to teach.” She immediately denies me.

“Tsk.” I look down… but then, an idea comes to me. Just a confirmation I need to get. “Can I check more stuff online? Maybe there’s resources out there…”

Pelafina frowns, looking at Lucía and waiting for her to explain. She eventually does, with a sigh.

“The process of getting on the internet as a mage is hard. You need a special router and everything, it’s honestly not worth it.” The guard shakes her head. “If you want, we can provide you one next time. But really, there aren’t many resources online for this… mages are isolationists, usually.”

Ah hah! So they don’t know of the forum! Alright then, that’s another point to my advantage.

“I don’t think I’ll need that, I have enough with mundane internet thank you very much.” I chuckle a little bit.

“I never got the so called ‘interwebs’ to be honest.” P grins. “Now, off to bed you go. Shoo, shoo. Remember coming back here at night, alright? That’s when it is nice and empty.”

Honestly, a nice and empty place to try and translate sounds fine to me. But I can just do that at home…

Besides. These people are dripfeeding me the information I need, so they are probably not trustworthy in the slightest.

I feel a little bad for not trusting Pelafina immediately, but…

“She threw you into this mess without consent.”

“Yeah, fuck her.”

Right.

“Alright then, I am going. Thank you again for everything, miss P!” I fail to hold back a yawn as I turn around and stand on the stairs. They… are still going up. “Uh.”

“The other stairs dear, there’s a magic escalator down.” Lucía tries not to laugh at my face, and fails.

“A-Ah, thank you.”

With a heavy sigh, I take the right escalator this time and disappear down the stairs. Looking at my clock, it’s already three in the morning…time to sleep for sure.

With some luck, the pillow will make this all make much more sense.


As Tav finally disappeared from the Elysium, and the sound of a closing door echoed through the room, Pelafina let out a little sigh, shaking her head.

“This isn’t going to work.” She commented, crossing her arms. “This girl is no good.”

“She seems smart enough. The type to keep notes….” Lucía suggested, her smile growing slowly.

“What are you suggesting?”

“Well. If we give her a few months and turns out she doesn’t make any breakthroughs, we can always… you know.”

“I don’t.”

“We can take her stuff.” Lucía finally said. “Just erase her memory and take the book and the notes back! With some luck, she probably took notes of the hints.”

“...Lucy, you’re diabolical.” The old crone chuckled loudly. “Ohhh, I guess we will get our chips back no matter how this gamble goes, then!”

“Of course! But I still don’t know why we can’t just go to a family of Mages and put this on their sleeper child!”

“That bitch Humiko probably thought of something like that.” A grumble escaped from the old lady. “This is our safest bet.”

“Well, I am just saying. If this experiment of yours doesn’t pay up, I may have to talk about this with the rest of the Coven…~” Lucía’s eyes were, for a moment, fully visible under that hood, brightly green. “And you know the captain wouldn’t like you skulking around with unapproved knowledge.~”

“Oh shush, you won’t.” Pelafina seemed quite confident of this. “Not after coming this close to finally finding that bitch…”

The overseer sighed, looking up to the fake stars for a moment while rubbing her hands together. What was this she felt? Anxiety?

“... It has to work, Lucía.” She finally said. “It has to.”

“What if it doesn’t though?” The guard tilted her head.

“It has to… it is our only way to free our King from his cell.”

“Welp, let’s hope this girl works fast!”

“I know. After all, King Hamil isn’t a patient man.”

A few years back i used to watch an animated series on youtube but i dont remember the name and i cant find it now. It was about a girl who could enter the dream world and have some abilities there. There was a whole plot about some evil people in the dream world who were quite powerful and evil. The series had a longer name (but i think it was one word).
The main character was a ginger girl with green eyes and a blue scarf, i believe. She seemed to have a russian accent, but the series was in english. There was a second character, a powerful guy who helped her fight against the evil wizards or something.
At some episode they entered an old lab, filled with rats and there was a frozen scientist i think.
It was 2D animated.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Thank you.

Hello guys, I’m 29-year-old female from Taiwan and now living in Melbourne. I can speak mandarin and English, I want to learn Japanese and I like Japanese culture. I usually like to watch Japanese TV. Contact me if you think it’s suitable for you!

I'm a 28-year-old male who's been working in Indian IT for the past 8 years. In the last 6-8 months, I've been experiencing frequent word recall issues during conversations, both in English and my native tongue. This has significantly impacted my ability to communicate effectively, especially during work calls.
And even I am able to recall some brands and product names. Like I saw a jaguar car yesterday and it's took almost 10 mins to remember the car brand name.
Along with the word recall problems, I've been dealing with a lot of stress lately, including increased responsibilities at home, work pressure, my wife's health issues, I've even noticed myself zoning out while driving.
I'm wondering if the stress could be contributing to my word recall problems. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

A few years back i used to watch an animated series on youtube but i dont remember the name and i cant find it now. It was about a girl who could enter the dream world and have some abilities there. There was a whole plot about some evil people in the dream world who were quite powerful and evil. The series had a longer name (but i think it was one word).
The main character was a ginger girl with green eyes and a blue scarf, i believe. She seemed to have a russian accent, but the series was in english. There was a second character, a powerful guy who helped her fight against the evil wizards or something.
At some episode they entered an old lab, filled with rats and there was a frozen scientist i think.
It was 2D animated.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Thank you.

Hi guys, been reading in the background and back in forth in my mind for a couple years as to when to make the move and the eventual diagnosis that I know I have. Even the procrastination in confirming an booking a private appointment I always meet with a discussion in my mind if I am doing the right thing and it is always things like my wife etc who say to me “but you’ve always been against taking any medication or relying on something external to make you feel ok”, and she’s right I’ve always tried to live life like it should be fixed first with diet, meditation & all the other self help tools - which I do Ofcourse, maybe not disciplined every single day but that’s another obstacle I feel I face “consistency” and it’s not like I’m just lazy because getting consistency could be for even small tasks that require zero energy. Anyway, it’s the same old story, my post is basically asking if others felt in this position before - made the move - and came out the other side looking back at that choice and felt like they should have done it sooner.
It’s obviously not cheap for a private diagnosis, but I feel like I have a lot more in life to offer, especially the attention being able to be offered to things like for example playing with my 3 year old daughter, managing daily tasks effectively and better than I do now, I do ok just now, I just want to be able to offer more and I know I have it.
I’ve self medicated in the past, using modafinil at 200mg and although not the same as Elvanse.
Not sure if others have saw Tommy Mallets podcast with James English, that’s exactly my situation to a tee.

As the title indicates, I’m at a turning point in realizing my identity.
I could go into many details and provide many examples, but here’s the gist:

1. I was extremely early in my cognitive development, and I was identified early on
2. I always felt very detached from my peers. I used to think that their games were immature and uninteresting (at like 5 years old. wtf was wrong with me lol)
3. I struggled socially, inadvertently making my friends/ peers feel small. They said I was mean and impatient. I never meant to be… an example of this is group problem solving. I’d find a path quickly, and they’d take much longer. They’d offer an incorrect suggestion. I’d say something like “no, why would we do it like that? This (my answer) is literally the correct answer. Why are we still on this subject? Let’s move on.”
4. An adult anecdotally attributed my struggles with peers in genpop classes to the difference of “gifted” vs “typical”
5. I was so distressed about not being able to connect with people easily, or presenting as “arrogant”, that I wholly rejected my “gifted” identity. 6.I did everything I could to shame the giftedness out of myself
6. Any time anyone suggested I was gifted, intelligent, or something alike, I made sure to identify what made them think that, and suppress that behavior. I was MORTIFIED of being mean and arrogant. I’ve shed many tears over how just being myself could hurt others.
7. Because of this, I thought there was something fundamentally and innately “broken” about me.
8. I truly started to believe that I wasn’t cognitively capable of understanding challenging concepts.
9. I do have ADHD, but wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult. Upon reflection, I attributed my adhd struggles to my notion of just not being “smart” enough. Not disciplined enough. Not good enough.
10. I often “forgot” about being identified at gifted as a child. Of course, not literally, but I would make excuses like “oh that was just a mistake, I was too young to be identified”, etc.

Now, as an adult, I’ve been wondering why I have certain struggles with my peers:

1. I feel understimulated most of the time. (Going back to “arrogance”, I have a hard type even typing this out because I feel like it makes me seem full of myself) I used to have a propensity for stirring shit up or being a “class clown”, and I didn’t understand why I acted that way. I hated it about myself. I made my teachers’ lives so much more difficult. I saw myself doing this in real-time, and couldn’t resist the urge to do something exciting. I am ashamed of this.
   
2. I am very good at properly reading small / subtle pieces of nonverbal communication. When I would talk to people, I could identify how they ACTUALLY felt about something, and acted on their metacommunication rather than what they appeared to WANT to communicate to me. Like if a person claimed to have enjoyed something, but nonverbally indicated otherwise, id continue the conversation as if they’d just told me that they didn’t like the thing. I’d also consider why they could want me to think something other than what they verbally said, so I’d figure them out from there. If/then type of reasoning. This often resulted in people feeling “called out” and embarrassed. This was never my intent.
   
3. I’m incredibly impatient. This distresses me a lot. I don’t ask for help or delegate tasks because I can usually do it more correctly and more quickly. I don’t think it’s a ‘control’ thing, I think it’s an efficiency thing. If someone could show me that they could complete the task to a similar or better level of accuracy and performance, I’d happily let them. It’s just easier this way, especially when projects build off of one another.
   
4. I make people close to me feel stupid. I feel so bad for my partner. Truly, I feel absolutely awful. A phrase that often leaves my mouth is something like: “why did you do /this/ when we have /these/ variables? You could’ve just done /other thing/ and it would’ve solved the problem, and helped with /another thing/ a lot more efficiently.
   
5. I (before somewhat coming to terms with being ‘gifted’) would think people talked down to me or thought I was stupid. This is a big one. Me, thinking I’m of average or just below average intelligence. I genuinely felt like people thought I was stupid and incapable. I had this perception that they would over explain everything to me and go into extreme detail because they thought I was dumb. Turns out, I just caught on very quickly and logically filled in the blanks myself, and got the point of their message before they were done. This is huge. I wholeheartedly thought that people thought so little of me, they believed they needed to explain things to me in great detail for me to understand. I thought that if this was a common perception of me, it must be true. In turn, I felt worse and worse about myself.
   
6. I have an insane memory. I remember EVERYTHING. Visually, spatially, tactically, etc.. my memory is actually very precise and accurate. As you can imagine, this causes a lot of issues within my interpersonal relationships. Someone will claim something, and all I need to do is “open then file” in my brain and recall what actually happened. This results in a lot of “well actually no that’s not exactly how it happened” :(
   
7. My friends keep telling me I’m autistic. To be clear, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with holding the autism label. But I’m not sure it fits me. I also believe that this label is thrown around too loosely. My friends are absolutely convinced… But their perception appears to be social struggles + mild detachment = autism. I just don’t think this is true. I don’t fit the diagnostic criteria well enough, especially developmental delays. I was VERY early in my development. I also had no trouble reading people as a child… I just wasn’t interested in the same things that they were. I can read people well as an adult, too… I just get into trouble when I read them too accurately lol. I’m also not/have never been inflexible in routine or interests. I absolutely DO have special interests, but I’m also open to anything at all. I just happen to like what I like a whole lot. I prefer to NOT have a strict routine, either.
   
8. I feel incredibly lonely most of the time. I don’t feel seen or understood. Conversations with people seem superficial and slow. People tell me I don’t seem interested in what they have to say, and it makes them feel bad :( this really blows.
   
9. I probably value ‘correctness’ a bit too much. I don’t think I put enough weight into people’s feelings when they’re in conflict with “right and wrong”. I am sensitive to people, it’s true, but I more so value what is objectively correct. Idk if this makes sense. I find myself not being sensitive enough to one’s feelings if they were objectively wrong. Idk. I feel like an asshole about it though.
   
10. I assume people think the same way I do. I often move quickly and leave out small details. I tend to get frustrated with having to revisit the same concept. Edit- I feel like such an asshole typing this stuff out. I’m really sorry. I feel like a narcissist.
    

Now, I am coming to terms with this identity of mine. In some ways, it has made my life easier, as I now understand why I do/have done a lot of the things I do/ have. On the other hand, it feels icky and arrogant. I still feel awful for making people around me feel bad. I’m trying to reconcile “fitting in” with not disabling myself. Coming to terms with myself means confronting this sense of shame around “giftedness”. Any advice would be helpful (besides therapy. I’m working on this step lol).

I know that people were joking with this phrase but this one is serious, just take a look. And i know that some probably already noticed but i'm sure most of people here don't. My theory is that Aokiji will betray Blackbeard later, and as you can see both admirals are posing in front of their enemy pirate crew, Aokiji scarficed Garp because he Garp is the old man of his own lesson of the chapter that have to be sacrificed and like Aokiji said to Smoker he didn't changed, the blackbeard pirates are his true enemies like whitebeard pirates were Akainu enemies.
https://preview.redd.it/l8d4ajzu4z0d1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f35df513104379948869789a8835db6db30cbb4e

PART ONE THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN
[Previous Chapter] [The Beginning] [Patreon+2]
Sunday
Lucas tapped the flat of his finger twice on the partially open door, more to let Boyd know he was coming than actually requesting permission to enter. He pushed it open and strode through as the somewhat welcoming grunt came from within.
“Hey, sexy,” he said, crossing the two rooms to zoom in on Boyd sitting at his bench. On the spinner before Boyd was a larger figure than he had ever done before: an eighteen-inch figure of a woman with an hourglass figure wearing a form-fitting formal gown that flowed to the floor, swaying as if she’d just stepped to her right. Her hands were curled as if she were holding something or someone, but that part was missing.
“Ooooh,” Lucas said, resting his head on Boyd’s shoulder to examine the piece closer. “She’s pretty.”
“She’s also the viscount’s granddaughter, who I think is married to a prince somewhere in Eastern Europe. I’d have to pull out her details again, but she’s already got two kids, and she still looks this good.”
“She doesn’t look old enough to have two kids.”
“That’s what happens when you marry when you’re still a teenager.”
“Please tell me it wasn’t an arranged marriage.”
Boyd did a slow pan to level an annoyed look at him.
“What? They used to.”
“Slavery was a thing in America back in the day, too.”
Lucas made a deflating raspberry. “If you want to get technical,” he grumbled.
Boyd twisted his seat to face him, loosely curling his arms around Lucas’ waist. “Where are you off to, Mister Soon-To-Be-Masters?”
Oh-ho. Someone’s feeling playful. “I thought you were going to become a Dobson,” Lucas countered, leaning in to give him a quick morning kiss.
“Yeah, but then I was reminded I do have family that I care about.”
“None of which are Masters. Your mom and Aunt Judy are sisters who changed their names when they married. If you were going to take any of their names, we’d both be changing to Davenport.”
Boyd looked down at where their abdomens rested against each other.
“Hey,” Lucas said, sliding his hand under Boyd’s chin and lifting it so he could see those beautiful baby blues focusing on him. “What’s going on, love?”
Boyd opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He tried twice more. “Ten years,” he finally croaked. “They took me in and gave me a home within the family for nearly two years, and I repaid them by cutting them out of my life the second I could. Who does that to their own?”
“Somebody with a lot of fear,” Lucas answered honestly. "And that somebody isn’t you anymore. You’ve invited Emily to be our accountant, and personally, I hope you know what you’re doing there…”
“Emily has always been good with money. The only time she’s ever been off is when she borrows money from you, and you go to get it back. By the time she’s finished explaining all the financial movement around the transaction, you end up owing her twice as much, and she’s really convincing. Computerised flow charts and everything.”
Lucas hoped he was exaggerating. If Emily had been that quick and deceptive to separate Boyd from his money when she was a teenager, she might have been even more cunning now. Lucas would remain attentive until she proved herself because the love of his life had earned this break. “Okay,” was all he said since he didn’t want to argue.
Boyd nipped the tip of his nose. “Don’t you ‘okay’ me in that tone of voice.”
Lucas pulled back and rubbed the back of his hand against his nose. It hadn’t hurt, but it was weird. No one had ever done that before. “I’m a cop, love. In my world, it’s guilty until proven innocent.”
“Getting back to my original question. Where are you going?”
“I’m going to go and get some supplies for Levi and Maddy. The dumbass has been worrying himself sick over where he can leave Maddy on short notice if he and Austin get called out to a fire together. They can’t waste up to an hour each way getting over to Queens and Brooklyn.”
“Tell him she can stay with us,” Boyd said without hesitation. I’ll be here all the time, and if I’m out and it’s an emergency dump-and-run, I can drop whatever I’m doing and call someone to teleport me back.”
Lucas leaned in and kissed him again. “And that’s just one of the many reasons I love you,” he said once they parted. “Charlie will be here too, which means Robbie won’t be far away either. Levi still wants to run it past Llyr since it’s his place, but so long as we keep her on our side and away from Miss W, it won’t be a problem.”
“You’ll need to remember to lock up your guns when she’s here.”
Lucas nodded thoughtfully in agreement without speaking. It would devastate everyone if Maddy somehow managed to get her hands on one of his work firearms and fire it. He’d need to get a thumbprint safe – something that he could get at very quickly in a crisis.
“How is she with beds?”
“What?”
“Don’t little kids have those hospital guardrail things, so they don’t roll out of bed and hurt themselves? I mean, your bed isn’t that far from the floor, but if you’re getting supplies, you might want to think about some of those things to keep her in.”
Lucas hadn’t thought about that. “Okay, then it’s going to be a bigger shopping trip than I thought, but that’s alright. Levi and Maddy are going to chill in the apartment until I get back.”
“Do you want me to check in on them?”
“Nah, it should be fine. Levi knows where Charlie’s office is, and if he’s going to annoy anyone while they’re at work, it should be our sister.” Lucas turned Boyd back to his carving and leaned his head on Boyd’s shoulder. “You keep outdoing yourself, you know that, right?”
“These tools are magic. I can’t do a thing wrong with them.” With a slight grimace, he added, “Hey, have you ever heard the story about the kid who gets the magic piano?”
Lucas squinted warily. “Am I going to like this story?”
“It’s a cautionary tale. This kid finds a magic piano, and all he has to do is work the pedals, and the piano plays itself. No one notices it’s not the kid, and the kid’s ego grows with each performance until he’s an international sensation. Then, he has a fight with the piano over who the star really is. The following night, the piano refuses to play, and the kid is booed off the stage. His family is left financially ruined.”
“I will beat you within an inch of your life if you equate that to you.”
Boyd looked at him. “How can I not? I mean, when I relax and just let the tools do what they’re made to do, the pieces come out flawlessly—every time. But the second I worry, minor defects creep in. Nothing I can’t counter and fix, but still…”
“If it concerns you that much, why not do a piece every now and then without the divine tools to prove to yourself that the skill is yours and the tools are just tools?”
Boyd looked over the divine toolset, then back up at the shelf where his older tools were. “That’s a good idea,” he admitted.
Lucas lightly kissed him on the lips and stepped out of his grasp. “I’ve been known to have them now and again. Oh, and don’t forget we’re going to Angus’ this afternoon. Just the six of us.”
Boyd raised his left hand in acknowledgment, but his focus was back on the carving even as his right hand picked up a scalpel of some kind and drove it across the carving’s middle. The blade was then smoothly passed to his left hand to make an incision from that side while his right reached for a new tool.
As he’d said, his motions were flawless, with chips and shavings flying at the speed of a professional wood chopper. Lucas could watch him work all day, but if he was going to make it to Angus’, he needed to leave now.
He let himself out and headed for the main front door to the level.
A little over an hour later, after grabbing several sets of clothes in his brother’s size, Lucas was standing in the middle of the children’s clothing section, blinking in confusion at all the options. He would go to touch one, then back away, unsure.
He must have looked pitiful because a staff member in her mid-thirties took pity on him and approached with a warm smile. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, this is crazy,” he answered, gesturing to the millions of clothes options before them. “My brother asked me to look after my niece in an emergency, and I want her to have whatever she’ll need at my place in case he doesn’t have time to take her home.” He looked at all the clothes. “Whatever that entails.”
“That’s really sweet. Is your brother a doctor?”
“Fireman.”
The woman gave Lucas the once over. “I can see that.”
Lucas chuckled. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. Between him, Levi and Mav all sharing their dad’s muscle, they’d always caught people’s eye. “Anyway,” he said, wanting to move this along. “My niece is three going on four, and she’s about this high,” he said, showing her height as an inch or two under his hip.
“Does she have any favourite TV shows?”
“Spongebob,” Lucas said, incredibly grateful for his conversation with Levi over breakfast. He’d have never had that answer otherwise. “And if you’re not doing anything after we get her clothes sorted, my fiancé mentioned something about bed rails since she’ll be sleeping in my old queen-sized bed. This is an all-in shopping trip for her, and I have no idea what to get.”
“Do you have any toys for her? And no, I’m not pushing for a commission here. Little minds need to be kept stimulated, or little hands will end up in places they have no business being. If this is your first time looking after her, you’re going to want a few toys, books, and things to keep her busy.”
“My brother is already nagging me about buying her the basics. What would you recommend that won’t make it seem like I’m trying to buy her affection?”
“Are you okay with electronics, or are you trying to steer her away from that?”
“It doesn’t faze me. It’s more the cost. I don’t want to buy her what my brother hasn’t or can’t afford. I’ve been into too many households where kids have every version of PlayStation, Xbox and Nintendo and every known game that goes with them. Those kids appreciate nothing, and that’s not something I’m okay with.”
“You see a lot of people’s houses?”
“I was a beat cop for over eight years before my promotion.”
“A policeman and a fireman? I’m sure there's a joke involving a bar in there somewhere.”
“If there were, the third person would be an ice hockey player,” Lucas chuckled again, already liking this woman. As they wandered through the aisles, she added things to his cart. Clothes were first, but they quickly moved on to toys. A couple of generic soft toys. and the board game “Candyland”. Lucas grabbed ‘Hungry, Hungry Hippos’, as that was one he and his brothers had played when he’d been Maddy’s age. Then came two large boxes of Duplo.
Not once did it feel like the sales assistant was pushing an agenda. She even paused to consider the options as if she were buying them for her own kids. Lucas really appreciated that.
As they were walking the isles, Lucas came to a screeching halt and stared at a range of doctor, nurse and vet play sets. Two jumped out at him. One had a plastic pet carrier with a handful of bulky instruments, and the other came in a bright blue bag with red handles and a white pawprint on the side. It had a comprehensive range, including toy bandages, pill bottles, cream jars, syringes, a stethoscope and even a cone of shame. Both went into the cart after he checked to make sure the two soft animals would fit in the carrier.
Mason’ll have a field day showing her exactly how to simulate using all this stuff, he thought to himself with a grin.
“You’re really very thoughtful,” the woman said after he explained why they both had to be purchased.
Lucas specifically asked for books after that. Real books with paper pages. He was sure his mother (as a high school English teacher) would murder him in his sleep if he didn’t buy Maddy at least ten books ranging from ones she could memorise and pretend to read (which, in her grandmother’s eyes, taught her word structure and was the first step in learning to read), with ones he could read to her. And that, of course, required Spongebob bookends to hold them together.
“Your fiancé is a lucky woman if you’re willing to do all of this for your niece,” she said once the cart was full and they were heading back to the checkouts.
“Yes, he is,” Lucas agreed, deliberately sliding in Boyd’s gender without making a huge issue of it.
Her eyes widened in horror. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Wow, I really shouldn’t make that assumption anymore, and I apologise.”
Because this was New York. “Apology accepted,” Lucas said, waving it aside. Boyd might have been embarrassed, but thankfully, he wasn’t here. “Thanks again for all your help.”
* * *
((Author's extra-long note:
Heya guys! Just letting you know I need to take a week off. [It’s nothing to do with the community here, I promise! I love writing this, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.]
In fact it's … you know what? Stuff it. You guys might as well know. Remember how I mentioned earlier this year we were fighting for more care for my special needs daughter?
That’s the issue.
Our support coordinator has our written authority to act on our behalf. Yet we’ve been told in writing from the government department that if she doesn’t back off, the whole request, including thousands of dollars of specialists interviewing our daughter and reporting their findings, will be deleted, and our request, including all-new interviews and reports, will have to start all over again.
I’m almost at the point where I’m not sleeping, but our support coordinator has promised us to fight because, in her words, “This is getting ridiculous.”
I’ve been really struggling to write this week with everything going on in the background. I’ve finally admitted I need to pull back (just for one week—I mean it when I say how much I love this writing and the little community we’ve formed) to focus on sorting out the mess, so that my writing isn’t tarnished by the battlelines that are being drawn up in the background.
(I already scrapped a page and a half because my anger at things [I bounce between anger and depression] had people who were usually very chill (Robbie) acting in a very aggressive manner that simply wasn’t them. Because of this, I’ve already used up several of my backlog this week and I loathe to lose any more, given how hard they were to build up. (The thought of using them up without others to take their place was also adding to my stress.)
And I was told by my beta reader, ‘Given you’ve been doing this for over three years, and you’ve only had the occasional day off due to sickness, take the week and regroup, stronger than ever.
I agreed. This means my next post will be on Monday, the 27th, Australian Time.
This means my next post will be on Monday, the 27th, Australian Time.
I hope with all my heart that you’ll all still be with me when I return next week.
Karen. ))
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I’d love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
I made a family tree/diagram of the Mystallian family that can be found here
For more of my work, including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!

I'm currently 22 years old and slowly approaching 23. I'm fat as fuck, and I lack money to gain plastic surgery. To give further context, I'm roughly 185 cm tall currently, and I have 37 thousand pounds saved in the bank, and I currently live with my mom.
I'm first saving for a house so I don't have to worry about any more rent, so then I can get plastic surgery to fund my surgeries. The issue I have is that I give up too quickly. I'm way too lazy outside of work; I have no drive to do anything when I know what I need. I really need a driver's license; it makes getting around so much easier, and I can go to hundreds of apprenticeships across the UK and gain a lot of money after I get qualified. I already am aware of lots of background knowledge for cars as I work in a car manufacturing company, and I get to see every part of the car every day, but taking what I know to the next step is one thing I have always struggled on.
I know I benefit massively from gaining muscle as I'm slightly above average in the UK. I know this because every time I go outside, I'm taller than most of the guys; however, I'm not a giant where I stick out of place. I've seen 6'4" guys, so I know gaining muscle would help me, but the issue is at work there is a canteen where premade foods like the English breakfast can be bought every day. It just gets way too tempting when I'm working a 10-hour shift every day for 4 days a week, sometimes even 5 days.
How do I get past this lazy barrier? I have zero drive to do anything.

Hi! Small disclaimer: English is not my first language, so if things are unclear, do ask!
I am a single mom (25 years old) with a son, who is almost turning 2 years old. I've been in a happy relationship for some time now and my boyfriend has met my son. They adore each other!
My boyfriend lives in a different city from where we live, so when we spend time together he stays for 3 or 4 days at my place. We have noticed that LO finds it confusing. For example, when he leaves my LO looks at him confused and wont wave or say goodbye. When my boyfriend has left, my LO will go look out through the window and ask about my boyfriend. When we go outside to the car, so we can run errands, he will also walk down the street asking about my boyfriend.
This will continue for a whole day after my boyfriend leaves. It is like LO is constantly looking for my him. I have explained to my son that my boyfriend has gone to work, but i don't think he understands.
We have talked about it a lot, but we both don't know what to do. We aren't ready for living together completely, but we want to work towards that goal.
Have any of you been in this situation? How did you deal with it?
Any tips how we can work towards living together completely without confusing my LO?
Thank you!

Hello everybody, Last week or mby two i receieved an email and there was the same text and passwords basically all my personal information but i changed all the passwords and enabled 2f verifications on everything i use on daily basis. In this email i got from yesterday there was still the old passwords but not the new ones so what should i do now or should i just ignore it? Excuse my english its not my native language Thank u

I'm on mobile and English is my second language. I think I just need to vent and I don't really have anyone irl to talk to so I'm writing here, because sometimes it's easier to tell strangers.
So I've recently moved into my own place for the first time ever. Up until January, I lived at home. I'm 30 years old and never really had to take care of myself the way you have to when you're on your own, my parents needed to eat so they made food for me to, the laundry was gonna get done anyway so they washed my things to etc.
Obviously I helped, but it wasn't like up to me to get stuff done. Now it is, and I'm discovering that I have a very difficult time getting things done. I had dishes piled up in the sink for weeks, cleaning if a fork every now and then to have something to eat with. My dad came by one day when I wasn't home and did all the dishes for me, I felt so embarrassed. Grateful, but embarrassed. I'm a 30 year old woman, I should be able to do stuff on my own, but it's like there is this wall in my brain that's just like "No".
I have no trouble doing tasks that is given to me at the unemployment thing (we have different programmes, I'm in one right now, I've had to do administrative stuff, I glued a book together and done some create jobs as well, they are testing what you're good at to help you find a job), but when I come home, it's like my brain stops functioning. I have medical conditions and depression that makes me extra tired, but I feel like doing the dishes shouldn't be as hard as it is. Well it's not just the dishes, it's the cooking as well, and cleaning. The laundry is a little troublesome to, because I have to go down to the washroom and book a time, but once I finally get of my arse and do that, I'm very good at keeping that appointment, and I usually stay in the laundry room, reading a book while I wait between the loads. Then I just never unpack the laundry when I get back up though and pick outfits from the bags until it's time to do the washing again...
But the other chores, it's like my brain is just "No". One plate in the sink brain: "No, that's not enough to stand there and wash up, waste of water", five plates brain: "Oh no, now there is too much and we are overwhelmed by the size of the task". It's just a few dishes in the sink but still no.
I was thinking of getting a bench dishwasher to like make it easier for me, because then I could load that and start it when it was full, but a friend kind of mocked me and said I was just making excuses.
And I feel like I am to, but I just can't seem to get over this wall in my brain, so I just waste hours playing video games. I mean sure, I'm having fun, but I need to take care of things, yet I feel like I just can't. And as a 30 year old, it really makes me feel as a failure.
I know it's just been a few months and maybe I need more time to adjust to having my own household, but I kinda feel like I should have gotten in order by now. Yet, if it wasn't for the fact that I have to go to this unemployment thing almost every day, I probably would forget to shower regularly and I definitely wouldn't be brushing my teeth on a daily basis. Or eat. Which I need to because I just got diagnosed with diabetes 2 on top of everything else.
Like I said, I think I just needed to vent. I feel like I can't really talk about these things with the people in my life because, well as I mentioned, one friend kinda mocked me, the other is super busy with school, family and work and my dad, well... He's a bit of an old school guy, so he's not much of a talker.. I'm very grateful though to him for helping me with the chores, but again, I'm 30... My dad shouldn't have to come over and do my dishes...
Anyway, gonna go take some deep breaths and stop feeling sorry for myself.
If anyone has the patience to read, thank you! You all have a great day.

Disclaimer: Please excuse any awkward English it’s not my first language. I will be summarizing my experience in a 7 month LDR.
We met on a dating app last fall and we instantly clicked. He lived in a city 3 hours from mine and was just there to visit his siblings. On his last day in my city he asked for us to be exclusive and to try doing LDR. I was very hesitant on this because he has a demanding schedule (med student) so I thought it would be difficult to maintain one. But he reassured me it could work out and I really liked him so I gave it a shot.
3 months in and the relationship was perfect. He came to visit me every 2 weeks and we would spend the weekend together. He would take me on a shopping spree and we would eat at all these lovely restaurants. It honestly felt like we weren’t in an LDR.
Once we reached 4 months (end of the honeymoon phase haha) I started to notice some things that began to bother me:

1. his communication drastically began to decline. We use to talk on the phone for hours once a week while also texting throughout the days but then it just became exclusively texting and no more calls. When I confronted him about this he told me it was because his schedule changed and school became more demanding. He warned me about this before we became exclusive but I had became so attached to him and use to our old routine it was hard on me to adjust.
2. He forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I had reminded him 2 weeks prior and he had said he had it saved on his calendar. He doesn’t care for birthdays but I communicated with him that I cared and would appreciate the acknowledgement no gifts or anything like that just a message. He apologized 2 days later and told me he had an exam that same week so he wasn’t on his phone at the time.

This is when I began to realize he isn’t able to prioritize me and med school at the same time anymore. I assumed he had lost interest and when we met up afterwards he began to look more and more stressed / worn out.

1. 5 months in is when I began to identify the bread crumbing. Bread crumbing means he began to show inconsistent interest in me aka emotional abuse. He was taking longer and longer to respond to my texts. I noticed he was also more active on Snapchat while he left me waiting on delivered. I was being ignored and it honestly hurt. I never confronted him on this because I didn’t want to look crazy for essentially monitoring his snap score lol please do not do that it’s not healthy.
2. Whenever he did respond to my texts they would be lengthy and of course med school was always the reason for the delays. I do believe it’s a valid reason but at the same time it’s an easy excuse to get away with not having to answer me.
3. 6 months in I mentally began to mourn the loss of the relationship before the break up officially happened. We talked about our future together and moving in together so it was a very hard time for me. I didn’t want to be with anyone else but him but I felt like I was the only one that cared enough to keep trying to make the relationship last and work.
4. During month 6 I became more distant. I use to reply almost instantly to his texts so when he noticed the change he began to increase his efforts in communicating with me (aka more bread crumbing).

Note: I did communicate with him twice on my expectations when it came to our communication and the relationship as a whole. I felt like I was very vocal on my needs and he simply refused to meet them despite saying he will try multiple times.

1. With bread crumbing you do not know where you stand in the relationship and that was my current issue. Month 7, I asked him if I could come to his city for a day and speak with him face to face. I wanted to end the relationship in person out of respect. He told me he would let me know when he was free. I gave him a timeline and I told him I must see him by the end of the month or this wouldn’t work out. I didn’t want to drag it out anymore than necessary.

Well, he never told me when he was free in time so I took that as a sign that he was unwilling to try to rebuild our relationship and texted him that it would not work out and thanked him for the memories we shared.
I will say he did show signs of depression but was in denial about having any mental issues. I do believe med school started taking a toll on him because a lot of the hobbies he loved to do he stopped doing them and he began to lose weight. He didn’t seem like he cared about much of anything anymore including me of course.
I wanted to share my story to let people know if you ever feel unsure about your relationship please trust your gut. I was in denial about it for a long time despite the signs being right in front of me. Your time is precious and the worst thing you could do is waste it on someone who doesn’t give you the bare minimum. Thanks for reading and good luck to you all.

Anyone having simillar symptoms?
Hi,
I was extremely adicted to porn and masturbation. I had OCD. Due to ocd many times I pushed myself to masturbate again right after ejaculation. As time gone i observed that I usually ejaculate with almost flacid penis. My sperm became watery and clear even after two week abstinating. My orgasm became less intense even after abstination. When I realised that i was really dumb I decided to stop masturbating. during first three months of abstination sexual drive really dropped. Almost no libido, no morning hard woods. I became attracted to anything nor porn nor human. Nothing turn me hard.
Now if i try to masturbate i never get arroused and spontaneous erection from it. I have to use my hand to get at least "somehow" erected. Iam able to ejaculate almost with flaccid penis after 20 seconds of masturbation. After ejaculation i feel really "soft" weak orgasm. Right after orgasm i feel really depressed, iam so down that i feel no reason to have sexual arrousal ever again. I can hardly say wether the orgasm was pleasurable or not. Has anyone sufferd from simillar problems? I have done myself complete blood test to check my hormones and everything is in range.
When i started abstination i can last unlimited time without sexual arrousal. I completely lost ability to feel some "tease" from sexual content/object. More i tried to abstinate it became worse and worse. If i tried masturbate the strange feeling of emptyness became, i feel really tired and unmotivated. I feel like having zero testosterone levels.
I started eating extremely healthy but almost first 7 month nothing changed.
As time gone some symptoms improved. I realised that sometimes i have at least some weak morning wood. I can feel some orgasm, my sperm is still little watery but got white colour. Despite the fact that I still do not observe spontaneous sexual arrousal with erection even if i abstinate whole year, I can have some orgasm or "arrousal". But i have to use hand. My penis became somehow erected but not instantly hard. If i stop stimulating it will became flaccid in 5 seconds. Tip of penis is usually more weaker than the root. Penis is somehow erected but is rather fragile than hard. Normally years ago when i ejaculated my penis was hard for at least 20 seconds right after ejaculation but now it is complete flaccid in 2 seconds. It sometimes became flaccid in trigger point the small moment before the sperm is released.
I still feel no tease or tendency. I can suddenly stop and nothing hold me to keep the erection or arrousal, i can anytime walk off during masturbation/sex and do anything without sexual content. Nothing pulls/keep me in the sexual arrousal/erection. But if i keep and ejaculate i can feel some orgasm. It is really frustrating.
I tried some natural remedies but nothing really helped. I have already overcome porn addiction. Problem is that i have lost the request for spontaneous arrousal. I can go whole year without masturbation, porn and touching my penis but i cant get spontaneous erected or arroused from the sexual content. Even that fact i can feel the orgasm that is pleasurable but nothing pulls me to keep me arroused or erected during the process of masturbation. And after ejaculation i feel extremely empty even if i abstinated for 3 month. Iam afraid that i can get UTI or prostate infection from not releasing.
Have nice day
Iam 20 years old.
Please dont judge me . Anyone can make mistake.
Does anyone suffering from simillar symptoms?
Does anything helped you?
I know that i should visit doctor in my country but before i do i want to try without him.
Sorry for my bad english iam not native english speaker.
Thank you for your help and advices

So I have an almost 2 years old cat. I got her when she was only 1 month old. I was in a group chat and one of the members mentioned that his friend is giving away kittens. I said that they’re too small to be given away in this age, but it’s not like the owner would change his mind. I was told that the mother already rejected them and they already know how to do everything. Since I was thinking of getting a cat, I decided to take my fiancé to go take a look at them. We weren’t planning to adopt anyone, it was more of “let’s see, why not go”. When we came to the place there were 4 little kittens. 2 of them looked healthy and they played with each other, but the owner said right away that they’re booked. The owner wasn’t very nice and somehow he didn’t speak the same language as us, so the guy from group chat just translated us few phrases and that’s all. Other two kittens were significantly smaller. One didn’t seem interested in us anyhow and the other was sleeping. It wasn’t a surprise the mother cat rejected them. She looked skinny and exhausted. She wouldn’t let kittens eat from her and she didn’t want to be near them. At this point we decided to go home and we felt somehow uncomfortable. And here’s the thing, we started getting asked “so which one do you take?”. They didn’t seem to take “we will think about”, “we’re not sure”, “we just came to take a look” for an answer. Basically, we were forced to take one. The one that was up was still trying to eat from his mama’s tits, so ofc I wouldn’t take this one and the other was still sleeping even tho we took her in our hands. We decided to take her. Owner got very happy, shoved the kitten in some box he found and sent us away. He said he took them to doctor previously and they’re flea-free. This guy from group chat was trying to hit on me all the way to our house in front of my fiancé (ofc, this is unimportant detail, but still unpleasant). The kitten has woken up to this time. We bought her food and litter with litter box in the nearby store. Luckily for us, she was willing to eat, even tho she had some diarrhea first days, then she got fully weened. She always knew how to use litter, so we were very proud. She seemed fine with us. She didn’t seem to miss her litter at all. Ofc we treated her the best we could. She wasn’t in fact healthy. She had a big ringworm that she passed to us. We took her to the vet and got all fixed (not the castration way hahah). The problems started pretty early. She was driving me crazy.
She would bite and scratch, but we taught her not to do that. After all she was just a kitten. She seemed to be a very bold and not at all affectionate cat. She wouldn’t let us even hug her. She would run away from it like from fire. She was constantly knocking over her glass of water and her bowl of food. Almost every day. We got her a fountain and she destroyed it. She chewed up the cord and she would pull on it and knock over the fountain. Every time she ended up in the bathroom she would push toilet paper from the counter in the toilet. She genuinely didn’t seem to give a single f*** about me. I started getting breakdowns because of her that she didn’t care about either. I said a lot of times during it that I am going to give her away, that she’s going to a shelter. But every time I would calm down and take it back, bc I thought it’s cruel. And I was hoping that it’s just a teenage phase and she will get better with age.
Also the reason I wanted a cat is because I was lonely. I lost my childhood cat few months before. I was grieving a lot. I was in another country and my fiancé was at work most of the time. My depression was at all time bad. I still was not over my childhood cat, but I thought that maybe getting another one would help me with my loneliness. But my new cat was nothing like her. My old cat was calm and cuddly and she would love me so much. I admit ofc not all cats like this. Everyone has different personality. That’s why I kept trying with my new cat.
Despite Grippers (the new cat) being absolute asshole that was indifferent about us, we cared about her a lot and we would constantly think about how she feels. She would still drive me crazy occasionally and I would go on Reddit and read how this is normal and blablabla. Sometimes she would play with me. She also HATED any guests in our house. She would keep near them and bite them when they least expect. She wouldn’t let anyone except for us touch her. Through these two years she freaked out over nothing few times and I had to take her for her not to attack anyone else. My hands would be badly damaged afterwards.
Then I went back to my country for few months and ofc I did everything to be able to take her with me. She hated it there. Then we moved places and she loves our new home. It has an outside and she loves going there. I tried training her to a leash when she was younger, but she hated all the sound and people of a big town, so that failed. She wouldn’t want to go even in the corridor of the building. But now she would run outside at every possibility. And she slowly stopped appearing at home for few hours a day. We were worried she might get pregnant, but apparently all the cats around were girls and she was awful to them too. She would scream at other cats and be very territorial. All other domestic cats were so much calmer than her, so that was embarrassing. Since we just moved we were low on money, but still trying to put some aside to spay her. We tried not letting her out, but she’s the type of cat that will drive you completely nuts until she gets what she wants. Also she would run away from the leash. Ofc I tried that again.
Everything always felt that it’s either her way or she’s gonna meow until you lose your marbles. And then she got knocked up in our garden. Yup, she got pregnant! I was all for spaying her despite that, but my fiancé wasn’t so sure and spaying a pregnant cat costs double and we already didn’t have the money. My fiancé said that maybe she will get nicer if she has babies, so be it. And now she has 6 weeks old kittens. 4 of them. And they all are great! We love them and Grippers is an amazing mom. She gave birth on our bed and didn’t want to leave the bed for the first week they were born. We thought that’s how she shows us that she trusts us.
Yet, she didn’t change. She still doesn’t care for us and only is meowing for food or water from the sink, even tho we bought a new better fountain. She meows a lot and she became even more demanding and she won’t let my fiancé sleep in the morning with her meowing. It really overwhelms him. I learned to detach from her, but the most common phrase in this household became “what do you want?!” directed at her. Sometimes she would meow for pets, but seems like even that should be done on her terms. I started joking that maybe we should find a home for her and not kittens. Suddenly I realized that she’s not a teenager anymore and that I’ve been thinking of her treating us like her slaves for all this time. I realized that there’s always some trouble with her (I know that she’s far from a “bad” or “hard” cat) and that the thought of spending all her life with her is very dreadful to me. Even thinking of ever doing smth for her seemed so lame, bc this cat literally doesn’t care. I had another breakdown that night, but this time I didn’t take my thoughts back. Thinking of her having a house where people can handle her and they won’t be as sensitive as me and my fiancé, a house where she will be loved and taken care of seemed nice. But what felt even better is a relief of not having to deal with her anymore.
Rn I’m planning to wait till kittens are 10 weeks old and adoptable age and find her a home through asking shelters to put advertisement. I want to give her away with one of her kittens since she seemed to care about them so much and I don’t want her to be lonely. Rn I’m thinking if I should give away all of the kittens or should I keep some. I can clearly see which one of them are cuddlier and seem to care about me and the reason I wanted a cat was to feel someone’s presence while I’m alone at home (with grippers I don’t feel this way. Maximum she does is sit beside me across the bed or somewhere else). Keeping any also seems a bit of a risk, bc I’m so scared it’s gonna turn out just like with grippers. It’s a bit complicated, since I get attached to them and I care about them. I’m not sure if I’m being wrong here, so that’s why I’m asking Reddit. Should I keep or give away my cat? Should I keep any kittens? P.S. Please, refrain from telling me off for not spaying my cat, I know that’s bad.

I’m a Saudi guy who grew up in Jeddah. I lived here until I was about 18 and another two years when I was 25, I am 40 now and except the years mentioned, I’ve always been abroad, mostly Europe and the United States.
When I lived in Jeddah I enjoyed my childhood but after becoming an adult and working I felt i outgrew the place. Keep in mind this was around 2008 era
I also didn’t like how closed things were, in the sense that there weren’t any avenues for things I liked such as music, certain sports, challenging work and education. All of which seem to have improved a lot
Finally the last thing I disliked was a sense of exclusion based on how “Saudi” someone was. Myself I’m only half Saudi and was often made to feel like I didn’t belong here.
I’ve been struggling with a dilemma of moving back. There are many positives like the development, work opportunities, the beautiful warm culture and also convenience of living here. On the other hand I still sense it would be very difficult for me to integrate socially, it seems that in general it is and then doubly so for a 40 year old single guy more comfortable speaking English or non Saudi dialect. I think I’m going to face constant judgement everywhere and not really belong or be able to be effective in this circle. Curious what you think
I’m also told that “all the opportunities are in Riyadh” unless I’m doing something entertainment related, but I prefer Jeddah

I’m a Saudi guy who grew up in Jeddah. I lived here until I was about 18 and another two years when I was 25, I am 40 now and except the years mentioned, I’ve always been abroad, mostly Europe and the United States.
When I lived in Jeddah I enjoyed my childhood but after becoming an adult and working I felt i outgrew the place. Keep in mind this was around 2008 era
I also didn’t like how closed things were, in the sense that there weren’t any avenues for things I liked such as music, certain sports, challenging work and education. All of which seem to have improved a lot
Finally the last thing I disliked was a sense of exclusion based on how “Saudi” someone was. Myself I’m only half Saudi and was often made to feel like I didn’t belong here.
I’ve been struggling with a dilemma of moving back. There are many positives like the development, work opportunities, the beautiful warm culture and also convenience of living here. On the other hand I still sense it would be very difficult for me to integrate socially, it seems that in general it is and then doubly so for a 40 year old single guy more comfortable speaking English or non Saudi dialect. I think I’m going to face constant judgement everywhere and not really belong or be able to be effective in this circle. Curious what you think