Me 19/f and my boyfriend 19/m have been dating a year. His sister 22/f hasn't liked me since he told her he was dating me because I have a child from a previous relationship. I haven't engaged in bad behavior towards her and I've tried to get her to like me(bought her Christmas and birthday gifts and have always initiated conversation first) but she has repeatedly made nasty comments towards me. He spoke to his mother 41/f about this and she told him to let it go and his sister was just jealous but now his sister and mother both have started speaking nastily about me. I used to have an okay relationship with his mother but she started saying how he only cares about my feelings and not his families. My boyfriend takes my side and has tried to speak to them but it just resulted in them saying I'm manipulating him in believing they are wrong. I don't want to fight with them and I really enjoyed the nice relationship I had with his mother before this but now i honestly don't know what to do from here. I haven't spoken to the both of them for five months now because of this and they've been nonstop arguing with my boyfriend about this. I know it makes him unhappy that me and his mother aren't in a good place and I want to try and resolve this. Any advice would be so helpful. (background information : he has two younger sisters who i am incredibly close with and haven't seen since this drama. His older sister said her reasoning for not liking me is because I had a child as a teenager as she was raised to be better than that. This confused me as his mother was a teenage mother herself and had no problem with me having a child prior to dating him. )

I need some help!
I’m 3 years into a postdoc and, despite a concrete opportunity of becoming a PI in a couple of years max, I would like to transition to the pharma industry. I am sick and tired of the perverse incentives that control academic life, and I want to do something that gives me the impression of having a real-world impact.
I am however a bit lost when it comes to understanding what suits best my heterodox profile. I’d love if you could help me out in understanding which positions would give me the best chance at landing a job and actually enjoying it.
This is my profile:
- I am an M.D., but after graduating I have only ever done basic research.

• The only clinical research experience that I have is writing a clinical trial (MD thesis) that got approved but never actually started.

- My broad area of research/expertise is neuroscience. To be more specific I am an in vivo electrophysiologist.
- Despite my background, what I am best at (and what I enjoy the most in my current job) is not doing experiment but data analysis and theoretical/computational work. I’m in between experimental and computational neuroscience. I am advanced in signal processing, statistics, ML and proficient in several programming languages.
- I have team management experience: I supervise 3 x PhD and 2 x master students. I am the senior author on one published paper and two more that will be submitted within the year.
Charactepersonal preferences:
- I’m an extrovert and a very communicative person. I'm independent and low maintenance.
- I like to manage a team. I understand that I probably won't have the chance to start out in such a position, but eventually I want to get there
- For family reasons (2x kids and a wife with a demanding job), I don’t want to travel too much and I don’t want to have crazy working hours

• I'd really appreciate if the new position valued my analytical skills

Here come the doubts.
My first instinct was to search for a senior R&D scientist position, but my skills seem to be too niche for that to be a realistic option. Am I missing something?
I have thought of something purely data-related, but I think that my resume is (on paper) too weak to compute with people with a CS/Math/Stats background. I also definitely want to remain close to my area of expertise (pharma, biotech, medtech) and not get a generic data science job.
I thought of CRA or MSL, but I struggle to understand if my profile is a fit for those positions or not. Do I need to get some clinical research experience first?
Maybe real-world evidence?

What do y’all think? Any suggestions regarding my ideas? Any potentially interesting position that I haven’t thought of?
I appreciate any input.

Tl;dr experimental/computational postdoc with team management experience unsure which pharma role best fits my skills.

For context, I’m not talking about a huge sum of money here, £10,000 to be exact, but going from constantly having to ask my parents for money and being at the limit of my £500 cc to that is quite the jump. I’m just about to finish university and have a summer full of house sitting in a gorgeous beach town down south (I live in the UK) and working at food festivals with some friends of mine.
Now next year I have options, and now that I have some money those options seem realistic. And I need some advice because now that I can do what I want, I suddenly feel too overwhelmed to put any of it into perspective. So one of my best friends in the world lives in Australia and I know I’m going to go and see her but I don’t know if I should just go and live there or plan to come back. I also live in Liverpool at the moment, a city I love but I’m having to leave because I didn’t think I could afford it here, now that I can, I don’t know if I should stay. I am graduating from a law and criminal justice degree and would like to get some training in DV and SA victim support but I don’t know if I should do that here or maybe in another city or maybe even in Australia?
Also, I know it’s not much, but would there be anyway of investing this money that could create some profit? Any advice or help would be appreciated, put simply: what would you do with £10,000?

Ok so let me breif about my situation. I am 27M from North India belonging to middle class background. I never dated any girl as i was strict with a rule of date to marry .
So from last year i am dating a girl, who is distant relative of mine. We are now deeply in love, she is exactly what I ever needed or admire in girl. She understands me best, i found her beautiful, our menatality, thought process every thing sync well. She also feels same for me. Overall its like dream come true for me, like getting everything whatever i needed in my partner.
Offcourse i wanted to marry her from very first day thats why I initiated this. But now the problem has arised.
After dating for about a year me n her both informed our parents that we wanted to marry eachother. We belong to same religion, same caste, we never thought any of these problem. But now our families dont like each other and each other families. It kinda shocking for both of us as we both always thought they dont have problem.
They always met with love n passion, never said anything bad about eachother ever and my parents always showed her love from before same for me by her parents. They talked to me nicely, with love n respect.
Now when we broke the news both sides parents are not happy. My parents specifically my mom is not liking her mom, saying so many bad things about her and asking me to end this ASAP. My dad is kinda neutral but he is always with momside mostly.
Same in her house, her dad is neutral but her mom and elder sister dont like my mom, my sister and not even me. They literally said they dont like me as a person. I really don't know why n i am shocked as i never felt that they see me like that. Her mom also asked her to not meet me or have any contact with me. Now we both are in panic about what to do. We are very well emotionally connected and it's really not easy for both of us to end this. We really both love each other.
Pls advice me guys what i do. How much parents validation is important. We both wanted n wished that our parents will be with us, but its heart brokening for us. Now how much do I need to think on this issue.
Also my intro:
I am living with my parents being eldest son and earning enough. I also never wanted dowry or something like that, not coz i loved her but if she is not there then also. Very simple, decent and average looking man i consider myself who does my business and live lowkey.
She is in final graduation and pretty, more then that she understands me well, we have great chemistry. If I compare then her family is financially weak then mine but i dont see as problem. Not very weak but comparatively, but same caste n religion no problem in that.

Not a student here. I’ve been working for 10 years. But not long enough to see the shifts in the industry happen. For that, I would need at least 70 yoe.
This is my question, we’re compensation packages more favorable back in the day? Surely yes. But I don’t know the full history.
I’ve never been strongly pro-unionizing, but maybe we should. Here is my problem. My dad does home installs and he told me about one of his clients this week. The guy has Porsche GT2RS money. And McLaren money. Fucking guy sells bolts. Sells hardware to people needing to repair airplanes. Then my best friend from highschool who never graduated college sells air conditioning. He makes almost twice what I make. And I make over $200k in salary.
I think the issue is we have been stripped of all ownership rights to our designs. I have been the lead designer of camera equipment, industrial drones, consumer medical devices, and now commercial pharmaceutical manufacturing equipment. And you know the people that sold the shit I designed probably made way more than I did. I get it, I was young and people took advantage. But now that I have a strong portfolio of successful products, I want to be sure I get mine.
I feel like maybe in the past I would have been able to keep my parent rights and gotten royalties.
After this project, I want to be sure I don’t get screwed again. You just know the people selling this instrument are gonna be making Porsche money. Makes me want to take my ball and go home.

As the title indicates, I’m at a turning point in realizing my identity.
I could go into many details and provide many examples, but here’s the gist:

1. I was extremely early in my cognitive development, and I was identified early on
2. I always felt very detached from my peers. I used to think that their games were immature and uninteresting (at like 5 years old. wtf was wrong with me lol)
3. I struggled socially, inadvertently making my friends/ peers feel small. They said I was mean and impatient. I never meant to be… an example of this is group problem solving. I’d find a path quickly, and they’d take much longer. They’d offer an incorrect suggestion. I’d say something like “no, why would we do it like that? This (my answer) is literally the correct answer. Why are we still on this subject? Let’s move on.”
4. An adult anecdotally attributed my struggles with peers in genpop classes to the difference of “gifted” vs “typical”
5. I was so distressed about not being able to connect with people easily, or presenting as “arrogant”, that I wholly rejected my “gifted” identity. 6.I did everything I could to shame the giftedness out of myself
6. Any time anyone suggested I was gifted, intelligent, or something alike, I made sure to identify what made them think that, and suppress that behavior. I was MORTIFIED of being mean and arrogant. I’ve shed many tears over how just being myself could hurt others.
7. Because of this, I thought there was something fundamentally and innately “broken” about me.
8. I truly started to believe that I wasn’t cognitively capable of understanding challenging concepts.
9. I do have ADHD, but wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult. Upon reflection, I attributed my adhd struggles to my notion of just not being “smart” enough. Not disciplined enough. Not good enough.
10. I often “forgot” about being identified at gifted as a child. Of course, not literally, but I would make excuses like “oh that was just a mistake, I was too young to be identified”, etc.

Now, as an adult, I’ve been wondering why I have certain struggles with my peers:

1. I feel understimulated most of the time. (Going back to “arrogance”, I have a hard type even typing this out because I feel like it makes me seem full of myself) I used to have a propensity for stirring shit up or being a “class clown”, and I didn’t understand why I acted that way. I hated it about myself. I made my teachers’ lives so much more difficult. I saw myself doing this in real-time, and couldn’t resist the urge to do something exciting. I am ashamed of this.
   
2. I am very good at properly reading small / subtle pieces of nonverbal communication. When I would talk to people, I could identify how they ACTUALLY felt about something, and acted on their metacommunication rather than what they appeared to WANT to communicate to me. Like if a person claimed to have enjoyed something, but nonverbally indicated otherwise, id continue the conversation as if they’d just told me that they didn’t like the thing. I’d also consider why they could want me to think something other than what they verbally said, so I’d figure them out from there. If/then type of reasoning. This often resulted in people feeling “called out” and embarrassed. This was never my intent.
   
3. I’m incredibly impatient. This distresses me a lot. I don’t ask for help or delegate tasks because I can usually do it more correctly and more quickly. I don’t think it’s a ‘control’ thing, I think it’s an efficiency thing. If someone could show me that they could complete the task to a similar or better level of accuracy and performance, I’d happily let them. It’s just easier this way, especially when projects build off of one another.
   
4. I make people close to me feel stupid. I feel so bad for my partner. Truly, I feel absolutely awful. A phrase that often leaves my mouth is something like: “why did you do /this/ when we have /these/ variables? You could’ve just done /other thing/ and it would’ve solved the problem, and helped with /another thing/ a lot more efficiently.
   
5. I (before somewhat coming to terms with being ‘gifted’) would think people talked down to me or thought I was stupid. This is a big one. Me, thinking I’m of average or just below average intelligence. I genuinely felt like people thought I was stupid and incapable. I had this perception that they would over explain everything to me and go into extreme detail because they thought I was dumb. Turns out, I just caught on very quickly and logically filled in the blanks myself, and got the point of their message before they were done. This is huge. I wholeheartedly thought that people thought so little of me, they believed they needed to explain things to me in great detail for me to understand. I thought that if this was a common perception of me, it must be true. In turn, I felt worse and worse about myself.
   
6. I have an insane memory. I remember EVERYTHING. Visually, spatially, tactically, etc.. my memory is actually very precise and accurate. As you can imagine, this causes a lot of issues within my interpersonal relationships. Someone will claim something, and all I need to do is “open then file” in my brain and recall what actually happened. This results in a lot of “well actually no that’s not exactly how it happened” :(
   
7. My friends keep telling me I’m autistic. To be clear, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with holding the autism label. But I’m not sure it fits me. I also believe that this label is thrown around too loosely. My friends are absolutely convinced… But their perception appears to be social struggles + mild detachment = autism. I just don’t think this is true. I don’t fit the diagnostic criteria well enough, especially developmental delays. I was VERY early in my development. I also had no trouble reading people as a child… I just wasn’t interested in the same things that they were. I can read people well as an adult, too… I just get into trouble when I read them too accurately lol. I’m also not/have never been inflexible in routine or interests. I absolutely DO have special interests, but I’m also open to anything at all. I just happen to like what I like a whole lot. I prefer to NOT have a strict routine, either.
   
8. I feel incredibly lonely most of the time. I don’t feel seen or understood. Conversations with people seem superficial and slow. People tell me I don’t seem interested in what they have to say, and it makes them feel bad :( this really blows.
   
9. I probably value ‘correctness’ a bit too much. I don’t think I put enough weight into people’s feelings when they’re in conflict with “right and wrong”. I am sensitive to people, it’s true, but I more so value what is objectively correct. Idk if this makes sense. I find myself not being sensitive enough to one’s feelings if they were objectively wrong. Idk. I feel like an asshole about it though.
   
10. I assume people think the same way I do. I often move quickly and leave out small details. I tend to get frustrated with having to revisit the same concept. Edit- I feel like such an asshole typing this stuff out. I’m really sorry. I feel like a narcissist.
    

Now, I am coming to terms with this identity of mine. In some ways, it has made my life easier, as I now understand why I do/have done a lot of the things I do/ have. On the other hand, it feels icky and arrogant. I still feel awful for making people around me feel bad. I’m trying to reconcile “fitting in” with not disabling myself. Coming to terms with myself means confronting this sense of shame around “giftedness”. Any advice would be helpful (besides therapy. I’m working on this step lol).

OK, today is the birthday of my big sister and it's also the day that I realised that I had forgotten to put a stamp on the envelope of the card that I had sent to my big sister earlier on in the week for today.
I only realised when my dad had rang me just to see how I was doing and he then mentioned "Oh, what sort of stamp did you put on it?" and it then hit me like a truck that I hadn't put any stamp on it at all.
So I just feel like the dumbest human being on the face of the earth because it wasn't like I was expected to paint a masterpiece on par with the Mona Lisa, all I had to do was get a card and put a gift voucher in it.
There isn't really much that I can do apart from just owning up to my mistakes and I made sure to send my sister a message to let her know and apologise for my screw up meaning that she probably won't get getting anything from me.
TL;DR: I'm a forgetful bugger who managed to fall at the very last hurdle of something that doesn't exactly require you to be a brain surgeon to complete and basically going a whole week without realising it until the day that the card was meant to have arrived.

I'm going to graduate this month from ECE branch and i couldn't bag a campus placement 🙁 cause i couldn't clear my coding rounds in the few software companies that came. I feel really bad as all my classmates are in jobs and I'm still pushing resumes with no luck. I was planning to improve my skills by joining a training institute for Physical Design (maven,chipedge,etc) or get into Web development course (I've heard everyone is doing web dev rn so competition is very high) i did ask many profiles in Linkedin and most say market is really bad for freshers in vlsi field. So im confused on what to pursue. My current resume projects are all embedded related ans one AHB2APB design using Verilog.

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, asking about Memantine. If you want, here is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor solo businessman, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or suggestion on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Just spoke to my schools ESL teacher
I was curious how long it takes to graduate from our elementary schools' ESL program. She said it generally takes 3 years for a student who comes to America with no English background. That's approximately 3,000 hours of schooling overall, along with living in an English speaking country.
This tracks with a girl who is currently in my class. She has been here two years. She can get by. After another year, I think she will be fluent.
I bring this up because it helped me reorient my personal goals and prepare myself for what I can expect at 1,500, as well as life beyond 1,500.

Hi there!
We recently learned that our school's newly established gifted program has only been allocated funding for two teachers and, due to the numbers game, has established a 4-5 split and a 6-7-8 split.
25 kids + 1 teacher per classroom.
(This is in Ontario.)
Our kid is in the 4-5 split, so it's not of immediate concern to us, but will be going forward. We like the idea of the two-grade split, and feel it will be good for our kid as she naturally gravitates to much older children anyway.
I know that there are many reasons 6-7-8 is a bad thing. Does anyone have firsthand experience and/or evidence that this is a good thing?
Some context:
1). We've been assured that curriculum will change year over year, so students won't be exposed to the exact same lesson plans three years running.
2). Reps from the school board claim that subject matter will be the same across the three grades, but projects and assessment will differ. So while they might all read the same book, they will not all produce the same work on said book.
3). The same reps struggled to give any positive spin on the issue when asked. It's a less than ideal compromise.
4). The obvious "good" argument is that gifted kids will elevate to the higher grade work. We get that. What else is there?
Not looking for negatives. We know the negatives. Please give us reason to be optimistic.

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hey everyone,
this question may be worded strangely but I was seriously looking for help from other blue collar women who have been there done that I recently started a trade program and have this one teacher who is so mind-numbingly disrespectful that I am not really sure what to do. I've finished my education all the way up to my Masters and never really had problems with my teachers before with the exception of a select few who would go out of their way to make me feel like shit for succeeding. Frankly I was always considered more of the "teachers pet" growing up.
I have no idea if I come as insubordinate to him or if it us because I am the only obviously non-white female in the course, but it's like he doesn't want me to be in "his space" and will be obnoxious just to establish his own dominance. Or he will always make these weird side comments of how I or my skills are inferior even though I'm the farthest along in the program out of the group and ace every aptitude test he tries to give me.
Some examples: was fixing a piece of wood to match into a slot. He said he didn't approve because it wasn't the way he would do it (even though he didn't instruct me on that to begin with). I started doing it his way so he would get off my back and it made everything worse. He came around to tell me some gifted students get the technique from the first try whereas others just don't have it in them and he guesses I was one.
He never really assisted me with anything while he was being very hands on with the other students and basically would only come up to me to tell me how everything I was doing was wrong to him.
I came up to grab a pencil from my desk and all of them were gone. His response? He didn't like the way I sharpened my pencils and did them himself, while actually giving me an individual lecture while everyone else got to work, on why his method of sharpening pencils was superior.
I ask if there are ways outside of school to practise what I do in class since there are certain things I wish to fine tune. He says no and that he can't slow down for me so I need to get with the program and cope since he has other people relying on him...like stakeholders
Every time I do something and it is right (which tends to be the case), he says I got lucky or he gave me a good piece of wood on purpose. Everytime I do something and it's wrong, it's just my inferiority showing :/
So far I just try to ignore him and do not speak back, but I really do not know how to handle this as this was never my reality. He said he wanted to discuss my background and understanding how I'm in the program later but I'm trying to figure out why the man is trying to have me do everything but what I came to this course to do, which is not deal with his foolishness and build my projects.
Additional Info:
I ask to speak privately after he made another disrespectful comment and had a lecture where he made a point to engage with everyone but me, and tell him I don't really understand what the conflict is and why we are having so many issues. I also ask if there are ways outside of school to practise what I do in class since there are certain things I wish to fine tune. He says no and that he can't slow down for me (even though I'm ahead???) so I need to get with the program and cope since he has other people relying on him...like stakeholders. He also inserts a bit about how he was only in my program for 2 months yet has made a 20 years career out of it because he was actually up for it whereas I just miss the mark? He also says he never assists me because I seem like I don't need help/like I'm doing fine. I ask him how that can be the case if every time he comes to speak to me it's to tell me that I miss the mark and I/what I'm doing are not good enough, like he had just said a good 45 seconds ago, and he gets even more hostile?

This is gonna be long so bear with me pls. I (f21) used to hook up with this guy (m22), I started liking him a lot, he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship. I didn’t take it personally plus I was transferring to another school abroad at the end of the year and then I’d probably never see him again.
About 3 months after i moved (so march 2023) he spontaneously booked a flight and came to visit me during spring break, he stayed with me and we were together basically the whole time, we hooked up but it was kind of an fwb situation? but throughout he kept dropping hints which I decided to ignore since I knew he wasn’t interested in being more than friends.
I do want to mention that I come from a rather well to do family and i might be a little spoilt in the sense that my family pays my tuition so I don’t have student loans and I get my rent money and some pocket money from home because my family doesn’t want me to work yet so I can focus on school more, but since I moved I have been working 2 jobs (without my family knowing) to save money because I like to live comfortably, go shopping, travel, and I’m trying to save up for my masters so I’m pretty comfortable financially, which he saw on his visit since I paid for p much everything. (Now that I think about it, I took a leave from work and didn’t have school that week so he didn’t actually see how hard I work, to him i was just chilling all day and living rich).
When he went back after his visit he kept talking ab how he has such a good time with me and how he really likes me and we started talking a lot more and I was kinda into him again. After like a month he started telling me that he wants to stop seeing other people and he dsnt want me to see other people either, still no mention of a relationship but he wanted to be exclusive. I had been on a couple dates since I moved but I wasn’t really interested in anyone so I agreed. Within a month of that (so june 2023) he started saying he loves me and for the longest time I hesitated to say it back but eventually i did. He kept saying he wants to visit me again etc but he cnt afford it. I agreed to pay bec i wanted to see him too but I thought that since I didn’t have school all month we could go on a little vacation instead of just him coming over, since I could afford it. We planned an trip for July and decided everything but before I paid for anything I asked him if he sees this ever turning into a relationship and he told me no at first but after i said if it’s not going anywhere (I was going to pay for his flights, all the stay and we would split the money we spend there) I don’t want to invest financially in it like time is one thing but i work really hard for the money, he said he just doesn’t feel like he’s ready for a relationship now but gave me hope saying that might change as we spend time together. I was naive enough to fall for that and we went on our little vacation.
Towards the end of the vacation like 2 days before we were supposed to go back, we were at a club and I was sitting down with my drink while he was on the floor and I saw him make a snapchat call and he was on it for a while and in the middle of it his screen lit up and a girl’s (let’s call her K) bitmoji was on it, so i went up to him to ask who he was talking to, he straight up lied and told me it was one of his guy friends and i just went and sat back down. After he finished the call he came and sat next to me and held his phone in a way that he obviously wanted me to look at the screen bec he had called his guy friend now the bitmoji was on the screen, which was such a failure because his guy friend didn’t even answer the phone he just showed me the “ringing” screen. I didn’t say anything tho because we both were pretty drunk and I didn’t want to start a fight in that condition. The next was our last night there and it went well but on the way back to our hotel at the end of the night i forgot my phone in the uber and used his phone to call the uber driver to ask if there was any way i could get it back. He was almost passed put by the time the uber driver came back around to bring my phone so i asked him if i could take his phone outside while i go to bring my phone just in case I need to contact the driver, he agreed and unlocked his phone and gave it to me. When i was going, K called him and i just rejected the call but then she sent him like a million texts and my suspicion got the best of me and I opened the chat. I barely had to scroll up before I saw several explicit msgs and photos (all very recent) and it made me sick to my stomach. I got my phone back and went back to the room to find him passed out I threw his phone at him and he woke up and we talked about it basically all night, I was crying like the whole time and in the end he promised me he wouldn’t do it again and he only wants to be with me and all this other emo (and in hindsight, toxic) crap that I fell for at the time and the next day we flew back.
Things were okay for like 2 months after that. On Halloween we were both on facetime, getting ready to go to halloween parties (in our respective countries lol) and I was telling him how to do his makeup (he really likes my style and often asks me for advice on clothes, makeup, hair etc) we talked for a while it was all great and after we got ready we ended the call and I went to the party (it was like 10min from my place) and as soon as I got there I tried to send him a snap but couldn’t find him on my snapchat friend list, so i tried to text him on Instagram only to find he had blocked me, on everything.
I DID NOT handle that well. After he had been nc for a week, he called me. Of course, I couldn’t resist and answered. He asked for help with a school project (I would often help him with things like that, even tho he was in a much complex course i would learn his stuff and then help him with homework and stuff). Even tho I was not in good condition physically bec of the withdrawals and even tho he hadn’t even addressed the fact that he had blocked me on everything out of nowhere I decided to help him again because I was just so desperate to talk to him and I basically made the whole thing for him and he got a good grade, he thanked me and stuff and when i asked him why he blocked me he just said “idk i was just upset idk why” he just always refused to talk about it. But i mean social media is so accessible, i did see that he had been commenting on K’s old Instagram posts (he commented on ALL her posts actually) throughout the week, so i’m sure it had something to do with her, but I didn’t ask because he seemed irritable whenever i would bring it up.
We started talking like before again, he graduated (i’m still in school) and we planned for another vacation for new years eve. Big surprise, even tho he was the one who proposed the trip, now he was unemployed so he couldn’t afford it, again. And another big surprise, I agreed to pay for it again. It was all good except I brought about $1000 in cash to spend on the trip and every time I took money out of it he would comment about how it was such a “fat stack” which sussed me out a little but whatever. About halfway through the trip I got really drunk and passed out and when I woke up the next morning all my cash was gone and I asked him if he kept it with him and he refused and got mad at me for losing such a big amount of money (as if I wasn’t stressed enough) and how he was going to have to pay now (hotels and flights were already paid for, he’d be paying for drinks and food basically). I still don’t think he would steal from me bec if he wanted money he could just ask and I would have just given him and not even asked for it back but there’s nowhere it could’ve gone because I never took the whole cash out of the hotel room and it was just us two there. I didn’t want to accuse him of anything so i let that go and never mentioned it. But that was the first time I got sus ab him with the money.
Fast forward to two months ago, we planned another trip (to my home country this time) which was supposed to be two weeks long but while we were there we were having so much fun that we kept extending it and it ended up being a month long. I saved up hella for this trip because I knew exactly what hotels I wanted to stay at, what places i wanted to go etc and i knew it was gonna be kinda expensive but even then because we stayed much longer it also costed way more than expected. At this point he didn’t even have to tell me he couldn’t afford it, it was just understood that i would be paying since he was still unemployed. But this time he had this new credit card and wanted to increase his credit score so he asked if i could use his cards to book everything and pay HIM back instead, i was like sure whatever. So i booked both our flights on my card and hotels and stuff on his. We had the best time on this trip, felt closer to him than ever so I didn’t mind paying. We decided that I would give him a certain amount in cash (to avoid international transfer fee) and transfer the rest (because countries have a limit on how much cash u can bring without having to report to customs). Once again towards the end of the trip I saw he was still talking to that girl, and it wasn’t just sexual, he called her the same nicknames he called me, he sent her the same reels and stuff on Instagram that he sent me it was like reading his chats with me. I didn’t say anything then, but a couple hours later I asked him if we should see other people too, like keep seeing each other but also see other people (i even said “we both” so he dsnt feel the need to get defensive) and he said no he dsnt want to and he dsnt even want me to. Him lying again when i gave him a chance to end his lie really broke my heart completely (bec at this point he was just lying for the sake of it) but it was just 3 days before we were gonna leave so i decided not to ruin the rest of the trip and end things with him after I paid him back for the credit card (I’d already given him more than half the amount in cash as soon as we met). When we were booking flights to go back he insisted that be take pne with a layover in a third completely put of the way country because it was cheaper and i was like sure, but then he also said because it’s two really long flights he wants to stay in this third country for a couple days bec he wouldn’t be too exhausted and wanted me to pay for the airbnb, I already wasn’t a fan of paying for a whole solo trip for him where I wasn’t going (it was one of my bucket list countries too) so i tried to tell him to just suck it up and take a couple hour layover instead but he wouldn’t listen. AND to make it worse, i saw his phone again (I didn’t even checking his phone or anything even once on this trip, he had the conversation open while he was sitting next to me and i could see) and he was talking to this girl who was around that country and asked her if she would travel there for a couple days to meet him and she agreed at first but once he sent her an airbnb and asked what she thought about it, she left him on seen and never responded even after he offered to pay (im guessing bec initially she just thought he meant they would hang out and when he brought up staying together even she got creeped out). THIS MAN WANTED ME TO PAY FOR HIS INTERNATIONAL TRIP TO MEET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HE TOLD HE WAS PAYING FOR EVERYTHING.
That was my last straw i got so mad and we had a big conversation , highlights: (Note: this is all in a very calm tone, i was holding back tears but no one was being aggressive)
Him: she’s just a friend and I haven’t even ever slept with her or anything PLUS that’s not even happening i’m not going to see her Me: because SHE left you on seen, u were clearly trying in fact ur the one who asked her to begin with Him: sighs & shrugs
Me: what about the girl in (hometown)? Him:
Me: why did u block me after halloween Him: i cnt tell u that Me: is it because u were also lying to K, telling her u were not seeing other people n she found out u were talking to me and to keep her from leaving u blocked me till she calmed down? Him: sighs, leans back and looks away
Me: why is one girl not enough Him: bec I’m not 40 Me: so why do u lie instead of just being honest and saying ur also seeing other people Him: bec i dnt wanna hurt feelings Me: i never asked u for anything u were the one who insisted on being exclusive, u were the one who said u loved me first while u knew the whole time u were lying, u really had no reason to lie? Him: u wouldn’t treat me the same if u knew i was seeing other people Me: i was treating u the exact same before u said all that? When u came to visit me i still paid for everything, u really didn’t have reason to lie Him: sighs
Me: what do u expect me to do now? Him: idk i guess u can see other people too(?)
Me: i didn’t mind paying for u if u were seeing other people n honest about it but dnt want to pay for someone who goes out of their way to lie to me for no reason (i p much never get pissed ab anything as long as it’s honest so there’s really no reason to lie which is why i cnt stand when people lie to me) Him: i understand
Me: did u at least use protection with other people (he told me he was clean and wasn’t seeing other people so i agreed to not using protection since i was on birth control anyway) Him: yes u can get tested if u want (i did and turns out he was lying i came home with a nasty std, I haven’t slept with anyone else in about a year)
After the long conversation we went to sleep and he noticed i was still crying so he hugged me and said “i dnt want u to cry talk to me” so i started saying how idk how to feel or what to do it’s just too much to process that he would do this bec i trusted him so much even when I didn’t want to but he rolled his eyes in the middle of my sentence which ticked me off so i turned away and was like “no dont turn away” to which I said “when im not talking u have an issue, when im talking u have an issue, what do u want?” This was the first time i dropped my calm in from of him and picked up an actually annoyed tone, which seemed to set something off in his head and he just blew up at me like YELLING about how im the one making a big deal out of everything and im the one who keeps turning away and refusing to talk to him etc and then he got up from the bed and punched the wall REALLY hard so i grabbed both his hands and sat him down on the bed and told him to shut up and calm down bec he was gonna get hurt if he keeps punching shit. He already hurt his hand p bad and he just held his hand to his chest and i could tell he was trying to hold in screams bec he was so much in pain. I called room service to bring ice and went downstairs to get him a painkiller. He finally calmed down and fell asleep. The next day he didn’t talk to me for 8 hours, didn’t go out or anything, we just sat there in the hotel room in silence, whenever i tried to bring up anything he just shrugged and continued to not say a word, Finally we both got hungry and went to get dinner after which we got drinks, once we got a little buzzed he started talking to me again and told me he got triggered bec i yelled at him (I didn’t yell but i did get annoyed so i got what he meant) and i apologised.
We were fine for the rest of the day and the next day and the night after that we finally flew back home.
He asked me to transfer him the money for his credit card and i asked him how much it was. The number he gave me was ridiculously higher than the number i had on my spreadsheet (since i made the bookings i even had the receipts) so i showed him saying these were the numbers that I had and he said “no but this is what my card got charged” and he sent me his own spreadsheet that me made (v poorly made no dates or anything, there were even some amounts without descriptions) so i said ok this isn’t helpful, just send me the credit card statement and i’ll see what went wrong in my calculations and he has been making dumb excuses for the last 2 weeks every time i ask him to send the statement like “there’s other payments too on the statement so u might get confused” (as if idk how to read??) or “oh i’ll send it when i open the credit card website next” but he keeps asking me to send him the money like constantly. Another thing that’s weird to me is that he completely disregarded the part where I told him I would only be paying for my half of the trip bec of him lying to me, which I already gave him more than half in cash in the beginning of the trip. Thirdly, not only does he want me to pay full he is also disregarding the money i gave him in cash bec he “spent it on the trip so it didn’t go towards the credit card payment” which I never agreed to give him spending money, that’s supposed to be on him, I brought my own spending money separately so it wasn’t even like he had to pay for both of us.
So basically, he wants me to pay for the whole credit card bill (which he won’t send me the statement for) on top of what i gave him in cash which was more than half of the number HE is giving me (and close to 80% of the number I have) ALL AFTER he lied to me, tried to make me pay for him going to meet another girl in a different country, yelled at me, punched a wall and made ME apologise.
The amount he’s asking for is big and I know he’s unemployed and if that’s the actual number, he definitely can’t pay it. While i can afford it (just barely after everything I already paid for including previous trips, flights for this trip and the money i gave him in cash) i did already tell him I would only be paying for my half (which i already did) and he agreed at the time, and i’m still extremely hurt and angry about all the lies and the drama. If he sent me the credit card statement I would still help him a little bit but he even refuses to do that. He hasn’t talked about anything else except asking me to send him the money for the past few days. I was going to cut him off after I paid him but he’s being kind of not cool about it and it’s not like i just have the money lying around. So would I be the asshole if I just ghosted him with his credit card debt that i know he can’t pay?
Also want to add: i keep mentioning his unemployment bec until February i was helping him improve his resume, prepare for interviews etc (I’m studying HR and recruitment) but after this trip he told me he is not even looking for a job bec if he got a job he “wouldn’t be able to travel as much” which pissed me off more bec im working my ass off to afford all this.

Hey all.
I don't know if it is the solar storms or what, but I have felt nothing but depression for the last week. And I shouldn't. I just graduated college after going back. Literally got my digital diploma today and confirmed them sending my paper one. I should be proud of myself and celebrating. But I don't feel it. I have felt very alone these past few weeks, and it hit even harder this week because no one cares. My mom, love her to death, is a mother and is proud, but now everyday she asks "what's next? What career are you going for?" Like I couldn't even have a day of accomplishment, we are now moving again to complete another goal that no one will care about. My brother is proud, but saying "congrats" is as far as he goes. And that would be the extent of my family that has shown interest or even asked me about it. My social life is non-existent, which is my own choice because of where I live. People here in my state are not open to well anything, and I live in a small rural town. Not to diss on rural towns, they are great, but the people in THIS rural town are not the kind of people who entertain anything but Christ, beer, and guns.
I recently learned about walk-ins, and I truly believe I am one. I had a NDE about 5 years ago, and things changed for me after that. Finishing college was part of the unfinished goals of the last soul. The other is to finally get back into my own apartment and start enjoying life, so you would think I would be over the moon about finishing college, because now I can focus on the next one. Once I finish those, I can focus on my own mission. Isn't that why we are here after all?
Instead I just feel sadness. I feel lost and lonely. I feel forgotten. Like if I never said a word to anyone about myself unless someone asked, would anyone know anything about me? I know it's just seeking validation, and I should only seek it from myself. But doesn't change the aching in my chest.
I hope I can figure it all out. Just needed some love and light from people who might feel the same.
Thanks, everyone.

Graduating next year with a degree in English literature and French. I also speak Arabic. I’m not really sure what to do after I graduate (not a novel predicament) but I was planning on pursuing a career in counselling.
However, I’ve come to the realisation that it might not be the career for me so I might take a year off to think about things. But I developed a disability recently so need to think about careers that don’t involve straining my back.
Is there anything I can do during that year off that won’t require that much experience and aren’t physically demanding? Better yet, anything I can get into that hopefully might lead to a long term career (maybe courses etc?)

This is an update to my last post on here: https://www.reddit.com/asktransgendes/r2cOMBBEHz
So to get into it... yall were right. it's completely intentional lmfao.
my boyfriend and i had a long very emotional talk about how he should stand up for me more and that i was very disappointed that he would just let me be treated like this by his family. So with that talk he finally decided to have a talk with his father about the constant misgendering of me and how he won't just put up with it anymore.
it was a pretty heated argument, his dad cannot STAND accountability and will do and say anything to get out of it so this was very much trying to talk to a wall. after like 10 minutes of back and forth his father shouted out "I will not change my views for you, FUCK YOU!" in my BFs face. (very mature..) BF fell completely silent and in a genuine moment of pure hatred told him "You are not and will never be my father. you are dead to me. never speak to me again." and that basically was the end of it.
so yeah.. he's finally admitted it! woohoo🎉! at least now i don't have to doubt that anymore. he has been acting horrible to me no matter what age i was (hes been doing this to a 14 year old btw, hes always be awful. he only now admits it when im 18), no matter how nice i was to him, no matter what gifts i got him. he has hated me from the start. he hates me for existing.
that was basically their last conversation. over the last week FIL kept trying to talk to BF as if nothing happened and bf responded here and there at first. but couldn't stand it anymore. he told his father "i will not pretend like nothing happened. i do not want to talk to you or have any relationship with you anymore." and all his father had to say was.. "are you SURE about that..?" in the most snarky sounding way imaginable. as if BF was in the wrong, not him.
i have sent his father one final text that basically told him everything I've thought of him for years now. i will copy the text i have sent below:
"the fact that you're so proudly and openly bigoted disgusts me. your illiterate ass probably won't be able to read past the third sentence. i have tried nothing but be nice to you, and you have openly admitted that you no matter what i (or sean) try, i will NEVER be accepted by you. i have tried so hard to be understanding of you and tried to get on your good side, but i have had ENOUGH. you are an immature, lazy LEECH. that does nothing but make everyone around him miserable. i have tried so hard to see the best in you and give you the benefit of the doubt but the fact that you can openly say to sean "I will not change my views for you, fuck you" is absolutely INSANE. i hope you're fucking happy. you are dead to sean, and you are dead to me. i will never speak to you again, and don't you dare ever put my name in your filthy mouth either. never EVER speak of me again. pretend i am fucking dead for all i care. I can't even imagine the bullshit natalie had to endure from you. You have a queer son and a transgender daughter, and yet you still choose to be a hillbilly conservative daft cunt. Everyone around you fucking hates you, you are nothing but a freeloader pissbaby that leeches off his ex wife. You are pathetic and insane. i am more of a man than your cuck ass ever will be, you pathetic slob. kindly go fuck yourself, good day."
he has yet to respond in any way, but then again that's just like him.
his mother is desperately trying to defend FIL (they are not together btw. they live in the same house but are broken up for years now. IDK why she still defends him like her life depends on it) and saying that BF should be "nicer to FIL" and "Maybe hes trying to talk to you because he doesn't like the situation!!" (if he didn't like it he shouldn't have started it...) and BF has told her off too. she basically deflected it all with "i get your side... i understand your point..." blah blah blah. IDK if she also does it intentionally but it's starting to feel like it since she's so adamant on defending her ex husband. for now i am assuming they are the same way (sadly) but yeah, basically this has burnt down BFs whole relationship with his dad. he has hated him for so long but this was the final straw i guess.
not as happy of an update as i would've liked, but an update nonetheless. i wish i could tell you why he does this or what his reasoning is but we've got nothing.
TLDR: FIL admitted to misgendering me on purpose, he is now dead to BF, and MIL is desperately trying to defend FIL

Oar score: 44, basically took it without any prep lmao, and the recruiter said we could just roll since SWO is not that competitive, but I want to know what ya'l think. If I should retake the test, any books or study guides, I can increase my score.
Bachelors: Business Admin/Entrepreneurship
GPA: 3.81
Masters: Masters of Business Administration and graduating in December
GPA: 3.61
Need on who to get recommendations on rec letters? My dad is a 20-year Navy vet, and I can get letters from an E7 and an E9. Are these good, and who else would y'all recommend I get one from? Volunteer-wise, I will be a youth leader at my church since I have time to build those hours and possibly get rec letters from people there. Besides that, does anyone happen to have other recommendations for building my application? Thank you!

For context, my girlfriend (25F) and I (30M) have been dating for 3 years now. We are both from a lower middle class family and grew up in a religious country that english is not our first language. She graduated from the university 2 years ago with a degree in Psychology and I have a stable job working in Finance. She is compassionate, smart and soft spoken. I honestly see my future with her. She is the most beautiful human being l've ever seen and she is purely good. All of my friends love her and my family adores her. The only problem is she's been having a hard time trying to start pursuing her dreams. She talks big about finding a job, pursuing all her dreams, buying a home and raising a family but I don't see her taking the necessarily steps to achieve it. I'm trying my best to support her by encouraging her to apply for jobs at any company just to get a feel on what will the interview be like, she refused. I also tried to help her draft interview questions and answers, she refused to let me see her drafted answers. I offered to do a mock interview with her but she refused saying that I will just make her laugh and she'll get distracted. I also tried by showing her, I applied for a promotion and she was with me when I did the online interview, got the promotion but sadly that didn't help motivate or boost her confidence. I tried showing her agair that there is nothing to be afraid in a job interview so l decide to apply for a job in an another company, I got accepted and went through all the new hire process, but sadly it didn't help her. It gotten to the point that whenever I try to ask her about this issue or basically ask her what can I do to help, we just end up fighting and not speaking for days. I really don't know what to do. I am running out of options. I can't ask my friends or family for advice, I don't want them thinking less of her. I know that she is in a lot of pressure and she might be overthinking everything causing her to have anxiety over the interview or job seeking process. I just want to know if there is any other ways to help her overcome this.

Learning about and leaning into your intuition in your 20s is going to allow you to make decisions that are true to you which will create a starting path to a purposeful life. Your intuition, that gut feeling, is the real you trying to guide you to make the best decisions that align with who you really are.
But none of us were taught to listen to ourselves first. We’ve been taught to always search for external resources in order to gain knowledge. Like school books, the teacher, online resources, or even other students. That’s another reason why after you graduate you feel so purposeless and lost, because you no longer have those external resources to just go to when you need to find the answers. As well as your only purpose that was made known to you were good grades.
Yet, you were expected to know what your purpose in life is that fulfills you and how you were going to get there by using college? Even though, the focus was never put on internal individual self-analysis in order to do so. School taught us to search for external validation, which is so backwards and has contributed a lot to the internal emotional turmoil in young adults for a long time.
Please understand that it’s not your fault that you feel stuck, lost, and feel like you have no direction. These feelings are the outputs caused by the way you grew up and systems that you became accustomed to following.
You’re not lost, you just don’t trust yourself enough. And you don’t trust yourself enough as you should, because you don’t know yourself as much as you should.
2nd Part: The How To Tips will be coming later on today. I hope you found value in the first part so far. Leave a comment if you resonate with the first part and enjoy content like this and what can be improved and what you would like more from these posts in the community.