Itchy, sore, swollen fingers in winter

Now that I discovered this community I am pretty confident what is happening to me is all tied back to this lovely little jaw muscle. I see my GP Monday 8am . Hoping for any advice - better details - corrections on my wrong assumptions or statements and ultimately a little reassurance and validation from yall , That what is happening to me right now is all connected and I am not crazy.
10 months ago I had my last 2 upper molars pulled the "ol fashioned" way with the wiggling and the tugging and the ripping and the "Okay now you're going to feel a bit of pressure" followed by the feeling that your jaw is in fact being ripped out of your mouth.
Things started mild 6 months ago intensified around the 3 month mark and now these last 3 weeks I can barely function. I feel the definition of "Malaise" hits perfect. I'm afraid to leave my house the head pain / brain fog has me feeling like I could blackout any second, And the whoosh / vertigo / world spins has me terrified of driving.
So here is what I'm feeling in order of how they hit , everything is on the left side if that matters
Shoulder Blade - Everything is felt along the bottom of the blade.
Jolt of fire and burning on the skin -- A tearing and ripping under the skin on the muscle - Starts to vibrate a tingling fire sensation outward in a semi circle
When I put my tens unit on there the flexing caused pain on the top of shoulder and collarbone.
Always strongest when I lift or carry, random bursts when I'm sitting doing nothing and now even the weight of my phone sends it to 11
Muscles Weakness and Tremors
When the blade pain is bad, I can barely grip anything with my hand, Hands tremble and different arm muscles randomly will twitch and flex.
My jaw is now (2 weeks) shivering / chittering (IDK wtf it is) as if im cold. Digging my fingers into the facial knots will stop it. Always hits when I first get out of bed, then a few times during the day no pattern in the trigger
Eyes/Ears
Couldn't keep my contacts in more than half day , left only felt cloudy hazy blurry - They are brand new lenses and Ive been use the good "eye juice" with no changes. Tried yesterday had to take em out within an hour.
Sharp twinge zap inside the ear - cold trickling sensation down the canal - ends with a punch of pain behind ear on the thick neck tendon
The Whoosh (Is this brain fog? Something else?) Zap / Jolt of electricity on top of my brain but under my skull - The whoosh when i see everything spin a 360 for a second - And ends with me "off kilter' for minutes to hours, As if there is a delay between what my eye sees to when my brain processes. During the spell ill feel "wonky" "Out of body" "tunnelly vision"
The Exploding Head
Its a constant feeling / sensation that my head is filling with sludge.
Forehead & eye have waves of intense dull aches, This part is killing so bad right now, even with NSAIDS it never stops having pressure just relieves it slightly. When it kicks hard and throbs my eyes go really fuzzy and that im going to blackout feeling hits. I have not actually passed or blacked out thank god - my cats would eat me alive in a day -
Jaw/ cheek & gums are twitchy with tightness/fullness and pointy pain shockwaves. The M in the TMJ is a ball of rubberbands and it is so very tender. My face does not appear to have anything swelling outwards from here but poking around in there i find tons of lumps I can break up.. Opening and closing i have full range I think and right now no popping or pains when i do. The area by my ear where the bones connect is so tender, but I dont feel lumps much here. I feel such relief when I hit here with my point tool.
Side of my Neck has small mushy lumps just under the skin and some big daddies deeper in and these ones get stabbyy pains that pulse with my heart.
Back of my neck the bottom half is gravel I can break up pretty easy but I think 3 more come back in their place.
Base of skull I have golf balls burried deep,. They dont throb but when I rub them it is painful but in the best way because I feel such release everywhere else but then they hurt for days. When I rub them to hard and deep oh man sore for days.
All this ends at my upper back and this area is awful. It burns on the surface level 24/7. Icy hot tricks my brain for about and hour. I did some scraping massage here and it sounded like rice krispies and I think hese are adhesions vs knots. .Deeper is full of thick knots, I have the trigger point hook to dig in there and sometimes magic happens and the ache everywhere else gets better for a bit.
The floating bone
It was mild discomfort, odd feelings of tightness inside my actual throat, tingles and a dry feel. It started wiggling around on its own pretty often and when I felt that first water balloon pop inside yikes I was scared AF. Now it just moves whenever it wants. I barely touch it and it "shoots" to the other side. Massaging in here hurts so GOOD! Looking all the way up and feeling from chin towards throat I have many bumps all different sizes. And lastly when I move my head certain ways it feels as if there is a leak happening and almost mucus-y like I could cough but usually dont need to
If you are still with me many apologies this got longer than I thought it would. Today has been my worst day so far, all the pains I mentioned are now hitting at once. Today I was sitting here sobbing in pain it because I was at 13 / 10 and wouldn't ease no matter what I pressed on . 3 Naproxen with 3 ibuprofen gives me about 3 hours of refief right now. I know posture is a part of my pain levels and ive aready ordered some tools so I can correct.

Inspired by MichaeltheSpikester's idea of a shared world, decided to add my variation of it. But with extra media that I think would fit well with this shared world.
-Several dimensions that were connected to Earth-199999 are not only the Astral, Dark, Mirror, K'un-Lun, Ta Lo, Duat, etc. but also consisted of Chronobowl (DCEU), Mount Olympus (DCEU), Axis Mundi (MonsterVerse), 4 Nations (Avatar: The Last Airbender), Spirit World (Avatar: The Last Airbender), Xadia (Netflix's The Dragon Prince), Heaven & Hell (Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss), and the Kraang Dimension (TMNT).
-The Titan's origins originated from the Celestial Tiamut from the Earth's core with the cosmic energy mutating small creatures into giant monsters. It is revealed that every planet in the universe not only has its celestials but also has its own set of Titans that play a key role in the planet's ecosystem. King Ghidorah is revealed to be one of the last few members of his species who survived his planet's Emergence and the reason why he and his kind terraform worlds is to rebuild the home they lost.
-Heaven and the Kraang played a role in the development of the Human race where it is revealed that Humans have various animal DNA, thus having the dormant gene that ties them to their animal ancestor.
-Lilith would be considered the "First Scarlet Witch".
-Due to Heaven's influence, their magic created the Gods and Goddesses in the universe. Adam would eventually create the Council of Godheads, where he is good friends with Zeus from Thor: Love and Thunder (aka Jupiter, the Roman counterpart of Zeus).
-The celestial's cosmic energy not only created Hollow Earth but also created pockets from the Earth's surface that created portals that allowed access to Hollow Earth from the surface.
-Asgardians, ancient Wakanda, Eternals, and Titans banding together with humanity, ancient Atlantis, ancient Green Lanterns, Olympians, and Themsycira in the fight against Darkseid, Steppenwolf, and their forces in ancient history.
-It is revealed that Titans, such as Sehkmet, Na Kika, and an unnamed Thunderbird Titan are responsible for Bashenga's, Talokanil's, and Chafa's origins and abilities instead of the Gods and Goddesses from Thor: Love and Thunder.
-The Titans and Startouch Elves would be labeled as "low-level" gods by the Council of Godheads.
-Atlantis, Asgard, Themyscira, Heaven, and Olympus (When the Greek Gods were still around) were aware of the existence of Titans and the role they play in the Earth's ecosystem. Similar to Asgardians, Titans were responsible for many legends and myths regarding mythical creatures and gods. The relationship between them and benevolent titans would be at best mutual notably towards those like Godzilla and Mothra but otherwise would be at odds with destroyer titans like Rodan and Scylla.
-The Eternals are aware of the Titans as well. Ikaris proposed killing them since they would be affecting the Earth's population and preventing the Emergence from progressing. However, Ajak talked him out of it as they observed Godzilla's species preserving the balance of nature, keeping the population steadying, keeping the other Titans at bay, and hunting/killing giant Deviants as well.
-The Eternals once met with Mothra, who Sersi and Sprite formed a close bond with.
-The animalistic Egyptian Gods and Goddesses (Khonshu, Anubis, Ammit, Tawaret, Horus, etc.) were once human-looking Gods/Goddesses before being exposed to the Kraang's Ooze, which mutated them into more animalistic creatures.
-Godzilla has a mixed relationship with the Eternals. While he approves them for keeping the Earth safe, he doesn't trust them due to their "unnatural" nature due to being from space, which is the same with King Ghidorah.
-Prior to his arrival on earth. King Ghidorah had a fearful reputation across the cosmos by civilizations, similar to that of Darkseid and Thanos.
-Both Thor and Rodan once fought each other in the past when Rodan at some point appeared in Scandinavia and terrorized the people, which prompted the Thunder God to engage. It was a long, withdrawn, and lengthy battle that eventually ended with Thor finally driving Rodan off. Like many legends and myths, this fight inspired one of those about Thor fighting a "Great Bird of Fire".
-Shazam was the first Sorcerer Supreme and taught the Ancient One magic.
-Wonder Woman and the original Shazam took part in imprisoning Ammit alongside the other Egyptian Gods and Goddesses.
-The radiation of Hollow Earth caused certain viruses and organisms to become more hostile when infecting their host while granting them various abilities. Examples include the T-Virus and the E-Series mold.
-Both Asgard and Mount Olympus are aware of Aaravos and his past crimes.
-The Ancient One visited both Xadia and the 4 nations once to learn more about both world's magic. The Ancient One also helped in imprisoning Aaravos.
-While Xadia is aware of dark magic, they are unaware of the Dark Dimension and Dormammu.
-King Ghidorah was without a doubt probably the only being that Darkseid and Thanos had ever developed a grudging respect. Both warlords are aware of King Ghidorah due to being just as feared by civilizations across the cosmos as they are. Despite classing Titans as "low-level" gods, the Council of Godheads also feared King Ghidorah due to his destructive nature.
-The Necrosword is made of the same metallic material used by the Exorcist Angels during their exterminations.
-Wonder Woman's presence in World War I inspired Johann Schmidt (aka Red Skull) to pursue mythology in hopes of creating weaponry for HYDRA.
-Captain America and Wonder Woman met during World War II when Steve was doing his USO Show.
-SHIELD is aware of Monarch and STAR Labs and has often collaborated with each other in the past.
-Packard is a relative of Nick Fury.
-Asgard and Krypton having had a history with one another and the former having tried to warn the latter of their inevitable doom, but were dismissed.
-Prior to Krypton's destruction. Zod and his soldiers had a run-in with Yondu and the Ravagers.
-Both SHIELD and Nick Fury were not only aware of the Titan's existence but also aware of Superman's arrival on Earth and kept close tabs on him since he was a child.
-Both Superman and Chris Redfield were Captain America fans when younger.
-After the T-Virus Incident in Raccoon City, SHIELD and Monarch helped with the clean-up.
-Bruce Wayne, William Stenz, Amanda Waller, and Chris Redfield were all targets of Project Insight.
-Alongside SHIELD, STAR Labs, B.S.A.A., and Monarch were all infiltrated by HYDRA Agents who sought their resources. They stole various technological weapons created by the Motherbox, samples of the T-Virus, and stole Titan DNA to create Titan clones.
-After the Turtles made their debut, SHIELD and Monarch kept close eye on them based on their mutation.
-After the Civil War, Amanda Waller proposed Task Force X to the government, in which Theaddeus Ross was among those who approved it while William Stenz opposed it. Abomination and Baron Zemo were among the possible candidates for Task Force X.
-Task Force X and Monarch weren't affected by the Sokovia Accords due to their connections with the government.
-After the Baker House Incident, SHIELD and Monarch not only helped clean up the situation but also got clues on the E-Series's origin. Not trusting the B.S.A.A. or Blue Umbrella, they gave the info to Chris, which led to his isolation from both organizations.
-Talokan would be considered one of the Kingdoms of Atlantis. Ocean Master would later try to recruit Namor, but decides not to as he was warned by the other rulers that Namor is more dangerous than Ocean Master himself.
-Karathen is revealed to be one of the lost Titans of Earth.
-Wakanda is aware of the existence of Atlantis but their ancestors have made a treaty with each other in not interfering. After the events of Aquaman, both T'Challa and Arthur meet in secret to discuss how to unite their kingdoms together and reveal their secret to the world. While Arthur respects T'Challa, he wants to keep Atlantis a secret until the time is right.
-Katolis would be aware of various magical humans such as Original Shazam and the Ancient One.
-Clark Kent/Superman, Diana Prince/Wonder Woman, Billy Batson/Shazam, and Mothra are beings capable of lifting Mjolnir.
-At the Senate hearing, alongside Serizawa, Nick Fury and Calvin Swanwick (Martian Manhunter) are among those who defended the Titans while Thaddeus Ross and Amanda Waller voiced against them.
-After the Titans were released, several Titans, such as Titanus Sehkmet, Behemoth, and Mokele-Mbembe all resided near Wakanda and all bonded with T'Challa/Black Panther while Titans such as Titanus Na Kika, Tiamat, and Amhuluk all resided near Talokan and bond with Namor.
-By the end of Infinity War and during the events of Endgame. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Lois Lane, Martian Manhunter, Joker, Lex Luthor, Black Mask, Victor Zsasz, Black Canary, Renee Montoya, Huntress, Cassandra Cain, Bruce the Hyena, Bloodsport, Harley Quinn, Rick Flagg, King Shark, Ratcatcher 2 and Sebastian, Polka-Dot Man, Captain Boomerang, Savant, Javelin, Blackguard, Mongal, T.D.K., Weasel, Thinker, Billy Batson/Shazam, Billy's foster parents and siblings, Amanda Waller, Emilia Harcourt, John Economos, Adebayo Waller, Clemson Murn/Ik Nobe Llok, Goff/Sophie Song/Eek Stack Ik Ik, Casper Locke, Larry Fitzgibbon, James Gordon, Atlanna, Mera, Arthur Jr., Starro, Peacemaker, White Dragon, Hawkman, Doctor Fate, Cyclone, Atom Smasher, Adrianna Tomaz, Karim, Amon Tomaz, Ishmael GregoSabbac, Blue Beetle and the Reyes family, Victoria and Jenny Kord, Carapax, Madison Russell, Mark Russell, Illene Chen, Houston Brooks, Sam Coleman, Nathan Lind, Illene Andrews, Jia, Josh Valentine, Bernie Hayes, Travis Beasley/Trapper, Walter and Maia Simmons, Ren Serizawa, Alan Jonah, Godzilla, Kong, half of the known titans, Leon Kennedy, Chris Redfield, Claire Redfield, Ethan Winters, Mia Winters, Zoe Baker, Joe Baker, Mother Miranda, Karl Heisenberg, Lady Dimitrescu, Salvatore Moreau, Donna Beneviento, The Duke, Chris's Team, the Turtles, and Baxter Stockman would be amongst the survivors of The Blip.
-Flash, Cyborg, Aquaman, Perry White, Martha Kent, Stephen Shin, Deadshot, Deathstroke, Katana, Killer Croc, Ling Chen, Rick Stanton, Diane Foster, Jackson Barnes, Anthony Martinez, Lauren Griffin, Rodan, other half of the known titans, Jill Valentine, Ada Wong, Sensei Splinter, Bebop, and Rocksteady were amongst the victims of The Blip.
-Similar to Scott Lang, Black Adam, Mothra, Khaji-Da, and the inhabitants of the 4 nations, Xadia, Heaven, and Hell would not be affected by the Blip.
-The only beings that sensed the Blip were the Avatar (Aang), The Archdragons of Xadia (Zubeia, Rex Igneous, Domina Profundis, and Sol Regem), the Seraphim (Sera and Emily), the Goetian Hierarchy (Stolas and Octavia), and the 7 Deadly Sins (Lucifer Morningstar, Asmodeus, Satan, Mammon, Beelzebub, Leviathan, and Belphegor).
-The victims of the Blip weren't sent to Heaven or Hell, they were stuck in Limbo.
-During the post-Blip, due to Thanos' actions, Godzilla had a hard time in trying to keep balance of the Earth with half of the remaining titans running loose. Due to the world powers struggling, they helped fund Apex Cybernetics to stabilize their economy as well as unknowingly helping Walter process with his Mechagodzilla experiment.
-Because of Thanos, the Corto Maltese government took advantage of this by continuing their experiments with Project Starfish and the Intergang were able to operate and have full control over Kahndaq. Many crime organizations in Gotham have either been dismantled due to the disappearance of the leaders or have been absorbed into the Black Mask Crime Organization. Jaime's family and his community go through financial struggles from Kord Industries due to the effects of the Blip.
-Due to less hero activity, the I.M.P.s operated their assassination business.
-Kingpin met with Joker and Black Mask during the Blip where the 2 made mutual agreements in developing a partnership. However, this agreement was broken due to Black Mask's death.
-The Joker was on Ronan's list of targets. However, due to his powerful influence, he was forced to back down.
-Due to the effects of the Blip, the butterflies decided to start their invasion by infecting powerful humans.
-After the Village's destruction, SHIELD aids Chris in a war against B.S.A.A.
-After Doctor Fate's death, Hawkman gives the Helmet of Fate to Kamar-Taj for safekeeping so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
-The Avengers and Justice League team up and join the time heist to find the Infinity Stones. With Iron Man's and Batman's technology, they create a black and red infinity gauntlet. Hulk still snaps his fingers which brings every living being back. During the final battle with Thanos, the Justice Society, Black Adam, Godzilla, and the other Titans arrive to join in the fight.
-Victoria Kord and Walter Simmons are among the many people who also had a hatred towards Tony Stark and are joyful about his death.
-After the events of Blue Beetle, Damage Control tried to apprehend him but was forced to back down due to public support.
-Godzilla would grow hostile towards the Hex that Wanda made. Due to being composed of cosmic radiation from the celestial, Godzilla and the other Titans are revealed to be immune to magic due to their massive size as well as not being affected by the Hex's effects. However, once Wanda leaves Westview, Godzilla will leave as well.
-After Endgame, Apex Cybernetics not only seeks to eliminate Titans but also superpowered individuals as well. After the events of GvK, Damage Control cleaned up the damage and acquired their resources.
-Among the deceased that would be in Heaven based on Adam's rule: "Act selfless, Don't Steal, and Stick it to the man" would be Tony Stark/Iron Man, Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow, Peggy Carter, Ancient One, Ben Parker, May Parker, Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver, Phil Coulson, Steve Trevor, Jonathan Kent, Chato Santana/El Diablo, Silas Stone, Rick Flag, Alberto Reyes, José Morales, Ignacio Carapax/OMAC, and Nuidis Vulko.
-Among the deceased that would be in Hell and have the potential to become Overlords are Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger, Ivan Vanko/Whiplash, TrevoThe Mandarin, Alexander Pierce, Dreykov, Xu Wenwu, Quentin Beck/Mysterio, Roman Sionis/Black Mask, Victor Zsaasz, David Kane/Black Manta, and Walter Simmons.
-Wanting to reconnect with his daughter, Mark Russell resigns his position as leader of Monarch and Bruce BanneHulk becomes the next head of Monarch due to his knowledge of Nuclear Physics.
-Both the Great Protector and Dweller-in-Darkness are revealed to be Titans who stumbled upon Ta Lo.
-In Xadia, Viren was resurrected 5 years later rather than 2 (Events of S1-3 take place in 2019-and S4-6 take place in 2024).
-Due to the effects of the Emergence and the Deviants, Godzilla would ally with the Eternals in hunting down and killing the Deviants as well as stopping the Emergence from happening.
-The Benevolent Titans have gained a reputation due to their involvement in keeping the planet safe and healthy.
-Driven by vengeance, Overlord Quentin Beck/Mysterio pays the I.M.P.s to assassinate Peter ParkeSpider-Man. However, this is during the events of No Way Home and when Doctor Strange performs the spell that erases everyone's memory of who Spider-Man is, the I.M.P.s were affected as well and called the mission off due to their amnesia.
-Maya Lopez's/Echo's Powers awaken the ancient Thunderbird Titan that lives near her hometown. She successfully bonds with the Titan.
-Ms. Marvel would not only be a Captain Marvel fan but also a Wonder Woman and Mothra fan as well.
-Riri Williams is a huge fan of both Iron Man and Cyborg which influenced her to create her own enhanced suits. While she has an intense hatred towards Apex Cybernetics after their dirty secrets were exposed, Riri started making concepts on how to build a giant-mech suit to combat hostile Titans.
-Thor recruits Wonder Woman and the Shazam family to help them stop Gorr the God Butcher. They arrive at Omnipotence City where Wonder Woman exposes the Greek Gods being the Roman counterparts with Zeus' real identity revealed to be Jupiter. After the mission, Thor gives Shazam the Thunderbolt.
-Wonder Woman then encounters Marc SpecteMoon Knight where she sees and speaks with Khonshu.
-When Doctor Strange and America Chavez arrive on Earth-838, they meet the Illuminati which not only consists of Captain Carter, Blackbolt, Captain Marvel (Maria Rambeau), and Mister Fantastic but also consists of Christian Bale's Batman and Brandon Routh's Superman.
-Same with Wakanda, the U.N. held a conference on whether the Titans should be contained or killed. Director Fontaine would state that the Titan's radiation helps balance the ecosystem of the planet and propose a solution where they can imprison the Titans and drain this energy they embody to help sustain the ecosystem, thus having them alive, but tortured.
-After Shuri takes the heart-shaped herb and becomes the next Black Panther, she communicates with Sehkmet, Behemoth, and Mokele-Mbembe for the first time. She convinces them to take part in the battle against Namor by battling against Na Kika, Tiamat, and Amhuluk.
-After the battle, Wakanda becomes harmonious with their Titans as they are welcomed in Wakanda and become its protectors alongside Shuri.
-After the alliance with Talokan, Aquaman visits Shuri on the same beach where she meets her nephew, T'Challa II, and warns her about her deal with Namor. Then he introduces his son, Arthur Jr., where he and T'Challa II develop a brotherly bond with each other.
-Due to the Secret Invasion, Superman was affected by the Anti-Alien Act and was forced into hiding.
-During the events of Secret Invasion, the Turtles were forced into hiding due to being confused for Skrulls.
-After the events of The Flash, Doctor Strange and Clea confront him that his actions in altering time created more incursions and recruit him to have them fixed.
-After the events of the Marvels, Monica Rambeau not only meets Binary and Beast but also meets Michael Keaton's Batman and Sasha Calle's Supergirl.
-After the events of Lost Kingdom, Atlantis revealed its existence to the world by joining alliances with the UN and Wakanda.
-Ms. Marvel's Quantum Bands and Shang-Chi's Ten Rings start behaving weirdly as they detect a signal from deep within Hollow Earth, signifying a war cry from ancient Titans known as the Skar King and Shimo.
-As Namor is preparing for the war against the surface by aligning themselves with Wakanda, he commands the Titans he bonded to gain strength. However, one of the Titans, Tiamat, is killed by Godzilla, and Namor is saddened when hearing the news.
-Ms. Marvel's Quantum Bands attracts the attention of Mothra, who believes that Mothra may be the key to bringing back Monica Rambaeu.
-The Avatar's (Aang) awakening was sensed by Doctor Strange.
Overall, this is my take on how this shared world would go. If you have any suggestions on how the shared world would go, feel free to reply!
Special thanks to MichaeltheSpikester for the idea!

What is the softest green grass for walking barefoot in central jersey? One that doesn’t completely die in the winter? I am new to lawn care but I’ve heard of perennial rye, zoysia, fine fescue, uc verde buffalo…. I would love something that feels really nice and soft, like the grass in Mexico, something that’s not stabby or itchy…

TW: Abuse
I'm here to vent, but I wouldn't mind some support, if possible. Things are not going well for me right now.
My dad is very much present in my life, but it's apparent to everyone that he f'd all of his kids up.
To summarize, the man was born in the middle of the Vietnam War. He spent three years of homelessness in communist Vietnam with his entire family during his childhood, and consistently reminds us of this to this very day. It's been his way of dismissing any protests my siblings have had towards the things he'd done to us - hitting us with rolled up newspapers like dogs, verbal and psychological abuse, frequent displays of intimidation - at one point, my mom had suspected sexual abuse as well.
I developed a rare soft tissue tumor in 7th grade. It broke through the skin, and I had to be rushed to the ER. He immediately blamed me because of a superstition of not eating red meat after an operation. At the time, I was severely anemic, underweight, and spent the night in the hospital getting two bags of blood infused. 3 years later, I was put in a psych ward for an eval after some remarks to a counselor. He was banned from seeing me, and blamed my mom(who we only saw on weekends) for f'ing me up. "She's doing this shit for attention," he says.
Fast forward to today. I've developed another tumor, which turned out to be cancer this time. Two weeks ago, I had a follow up with my oncologist. They have concerns about my most recent CT scan, and think it may be lung cancer. I've barely been able to get out of bed since then. My mental health is garbage, and I'm not able to do as much physical labor as I could do - especially when I'm working with an arm that is visibly missing a huge chunk of bicep muscle, swollen, and nerve damage in my hand. "Cancer is no excuse to be lazy."
I've also expressed interest in getting my MSW to become a therapist, as it's something I've unofficially been doing for everyone in my family since I was 12, and I'd make more money than I'm making now with a State job (12.50/hr). I was pushed into the state job by my dad because my film degree is garbage, like the rest of my aspirations. Now, my dad can't fathom that I get paid less for being single and childless. He's also pointed out that I've gained weight - something that's been a sore spot for me all my life - and he's only complimented me when I rapidly dropped weight from both tumors.
Thanks to all of that, I have severe anxiety attacks when SOMETHING goes wrong - it could be anything. I have such low self esteem, and possibly early stages of BD. If I had moved back closer to my dad, I'm certain I would develop an ED. I've considered offing myself many times since 5th grade, and I'm surprised I haven't done it yet. If I make it past 30, I'd be surprising my 16 year old self. Using the excuse "what will happen to my pets?" isn't inspiring my will to live like it used to.

I first started noticing that something was wrong around 3 months ago. At the time, I was working from home and would usually light a scented candle while I worked, which usually helped me relax and stay focused on my work. I would usually burn through a candle a week, but over time, the candles started to take less time to fully burn up. At first, I thought that this was because of a change in ingredients the company that made the candles used, but the problem persisted after I switched candle brands, which I once again blamed on the candle manufacturers.
I kept this belief for another week until the first incident. While getting up from my computer desk, which faces away from the candle, to take a quick bathroom break, I caught a glimpse of the lit candle. A two-inch layer of molten wax rested on another three-inch layer of solid wax, the wicks rising out at first and being somewhat visible through the molten layer, finally breaking the surface and being slowly burned away. The flames flickered as I swung the door open and walked out of the room. When I returned 10 minutes later, the molten layer was gone, and the wicks had been shortened so that the flames rested right above the solid layer of the wax. At first, I thought that the glass jar that contained the candle was leaking, but after a short inspection, I was only able to find two small drops of candle wax that had solidified right next to the candle on the bedside table. I still had 2 hours of work left to do, but I was too lost in thought and was unable to do any work for the rest of the day.
Every night before I go to sleep, I like to read for at least 30 minutes, and while reading, I usually light a candle. Around 4 days later, I had mostly forgotten about the incident and went back to using candles. Due to my naivety, it returned.
I fell asleep while reading with a candle lit on my bedside table. I woke up to loud slurping noises. As I opened my eyes, the brightness of the light I had not turned off almost blinded me. As my eyes tried to readjust to the light and focus on what was in front of me, I saw a somewhat humanoid dark gray to light blue blur that contrasted with the white paint on the walls behind it. Another gray line stretched from the shape's head to the candle on my bedside table. I could feel my heart skip five consecutive beats. I opened my mouth and tried to force out a scream for help, but the pressure I applied to my throat was way beyond what it was able to handle, leading me to only produce a light wheezing sound. I tried to sit up or to at least prop myself up, but my muscles failed me. Trying to push myself up with my arms felt impossible. As I stared at the figure that had suddenly appeared in my room, my eyes finally managed to focus, making it possible for me to see the intruder who was now staring at me. The figure was a man at least 7 feet tall, fully naked; he looked bloated; his eyes were bloodshot and looked like they would pop out of their sockets; at any point, his skin was a grayish light blue.
HIS LIPS
His lips extended from his mouth like an elephant's trunk, which had been split in half. The lips extended from the man's face to the candle; the flames had been put out. He was using his lips as a makeshift straw, slowly sucking up all the molten wax from the candle, which had fully liquified while I was asleep. I laid in bed, unable to move, unable to scream for help, staring until he emptied the jar. His lips retracted back to his face, the molten wax solidifying on their tips and cracking, flakes of wax falling off the man's lips and falling to the floor. The man grinned, staring at me. The ridges and gaps between the teeth were filled in with wax, making it impossible to make out where one tooth ended and the next one began. The man opened the door he was standing next to, but instead of walking out of the room, he stepped behind it. His face peered at me from above the door, and then once again, like he had done to drink the wax, the man puckered his lips, which stretched from his mouth and floated to me. I shook and tried to roll over away from him. I wanted to get up and run, but my fear had taken over my body. Tears flowed from my eyes. He kissed me on the cheek, leaving flakes of wax and light moisture. He retracted his lips and lowered his head behind the door.
I don't remember falling asleep, but when I woke up, I saw the empty glass jar, which at one point contained the candle. Even though I had hoped that what had happened was a dream, it wasn't. I still had flakes of wax on my cheek, and on my bedroom floor, the wax in the jar had disappeared. I called the police, but they were unable to find anyone in my apartment; they also could not find any evidence of a break-in.
After the break-in, I started looking for a new apartment to move to, thinking that the man was tied to the building I was in, but even though I had thrown out all of my candles, I could not stomach spending another hour in my apartment, constantly looking over my shoulder or walking around with my back pressed up against the wall to not allow it to creep up on me. Thankfully, my friend Emma was able to let me stay over at her apartment while I looked for a new one for myself.
Me and Emma have been friends since we were 8, and we've been there to support each other when times get rough. This isn’t the first time I've had to stay over at her house for an extended amount of time; in fact, I have had to stay over at Emma’s as many times as she has had to stay over at my apartment, whether it was because of evictions after losing a job, breakups, or a candle wax drinking squatter. I didn't even know if it was human. I mean, sure, it looked like one, but human lips are not supposed to do what his did, and somehow it didn't have a reaction to molten wax being poured down its esophagus. I didn't tell Emma about what happened—the details at least—I just told her that a man had broken into my house and was watching me sleep. The only people I told the truth to were my therapist and the cops, and all of them disregarded what I told them as my mind making things up after a traumatic event.
For a while, I believed what they said—I mean, why wouldn’t I?—but then I started seeing him again. For a few days, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me again like it had done during the night of the incident. For split seconds out of the corner of my eye, I would see the outline of a tall, bloated figure. At first, they were hours apart, but after a while, it became constant. He was standing in each room I passed, in every single dark corner I glanced past, and then he spoke.
“FeeD MeEeee”
It stood in the kitchen, peering over from a small gap between the fridge and the sink, where the trash can that had been knocked over onto its side usually stood. His voice was raspy, and every word that came out of his mouth was distorted as if he were gargling water, but still, I could somehow clearly make out each word he said from over 15 feet away.
“Please just leave me alone I… why are you following me?”
I shouted at the figure, the same fear that had taken over my body during the night I saw him for the first time paralyzing me, making it impossible for me to move anything other than my eyes, eyelids, and mouth.
“i’M sTarviNg, I nEEd You To FeEd ME”
It replied again. Now, stepping out from behind the fridge, he stepped directly onto a rotten banana. Its mushy brown content’s seeping out of the peel under the pressure of his decomposing foot, which was covered in scabs, and took up the same grayish light blue color as the rest of his body. He mostly looked the same; his bloodshot eyes bulged from their sockets, but now his tongue was swollen. It peeked out from between his bloated, cracked gray lips; it stared at me, waiting for an answer.
“Ok, I’ll.. I’ll feed you, but please just... leave me alone.”
I replied, the tone of my voice shifting into high-pitched squeals with every quick breath I took. He looked satisfied by my response. He somehow squeezed his bloated body back into the gap that was at least four times smaller than him. After peering over at me from above the fridge, he bent over backwards, his spine releasing a series of sickening cracks until he was fully obscured by the fridge, and then he vanished.
Still barely in control of my body, I limped over to the couch tucked away in the back corner of the living room, it took me at least 10 minutes to steady my breathing and 20 more to fully regain control of my body again but as soon as I did I ran out the house and to the nearest store, during the 15-minute walk he stared at me through dark windows and the backs of cars, peered out at me from gaps between leaves in the trees and bushes, he even followed me into the store staring at me from the middle of deserted isles before disappearing right before my eyes were able to fully catch him, once I finally got the candles I randomly picked four off of the shelves and rushed to the self checkout.
When I arrived home, I had 2 hours before Emma got off work. I didn't want to feed it while she was home, and I didn't want her to see it. I pulled out two of the candles from the black plastic bag and placed them on the kitchen table, the first a light blue candle named “Garden Rain” and the second a red candle named “Juicy Watermelon." I pulled out a lighter from one of the drawers Emma used after her stove stopped lighting on its own and lit each of the 6 wicks on the candles. As soon as I started seeing the wax melt under the heat of the burning wicks, I dropped the lighter onto the table next to the candles and ran out of the room. I could not stomach seeing that thing again; even just thinking about it made me shudder and hyperventilate. The paralyzing fear that seeing him caused me made me want to vomit.
At least 30 minutes later I started to hear it drink even though the living room and kitchen were separated by a wall, even though I had closed the door I could still hear what at first started as slurping sounds which were followed up by loud gulps, then it stopped, and once again 30 minutes later it started drinking, as the slurping started once again I heard the door to the apartment crack open, it was Emma, as she stepped through the door I saw her carrying two large brown paper bags of groceries in her hands, she was headed to the kitchen.
“Hey let me grab those for you”
I said running over to her, my voice shaking.
“Oh, thanks. Are you… okay, you look scared?”
My eyes shot wide open in a mixture of fear and surprise. I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Yeah just umm… I didn't expect you to come home so early and I got a bit spooked”
“shit sorry, I know I should have called you, work let me off early today,”
I started to turn away from her walking to the kitchen.
Trying to keep her away from the kitchen I told her to wait for me in the living room because I wanted to talk to her about something. I didn't know what I would talk to her about but that was a problem for future me to resolve, somehow it worked.
“What's that sound?”
She called out to me while walking towards the living room couch. It took me a few seconds to come up with an excuse.
“I think it’s the sink, or the pipes at least”
I opened the door to the kitchen with my eyes closed at first hesitant to look knowing what would be greeting me. slowly prying my eyes open I started to see its outline, my muscles started to lose strength as the details of the man came into my view, I felt the grocery bags start to slip from my arms, my knees buckled, face first I fell onto the kitchen floor scattering the groceries all over the floor, I mixture of a light scream and a yelp escaped from my mouth as my body made contact with the floor, Emma concerned for my safety ran into the kitchen, she didn't scream, using all of the strength and mobility I had left in my muscles I rolled over expecting to see her face drenched in terror, her body frozen still unable to move just like my body had done the first time that I saw him, but Emma looked concerned, the man was gone, she crouched down beside me.
“Oh my god are you ok? What happened?”
I looked around observing my surroundings.
“I um… I… I tripped on the little thing at the bottom of the doorframe”
I finally managed to blurt out another excuse, not being able to remember what the name of a door sill was. I started to sit up using a part of the energy that had returned to my body, pain pulsed through my chest and arms, Emma looked at me with a concerned face.
“You've been acting really weird since I got home, are you sure you're ok?”
“Yeah… I think I’m just having one of those days you know”
The confusion on Emma’s face said that she didn’t know and to be honest I didn't either, I guess my luck of pulling random excuses out of my ass ran out, Emma thought that she triggered some sort of PTSD response after barging into the house unannounced at first apologizing then trying to change the subject to stop my trembling which I was still unsuccessfully trying to hide from her.
“Did you buy candles?”
Emma asked picking the groceries apart from the garbage that spilled out the can that the man had knocked over, placing them on the table next to the now half-empty glass jars, the flames flickered above the inch or so of molten wax the man was unable to finish drinking.
“Yeah I’ve been struggling with work lately, they usually help me focus”
“Huh Interesting combination you’ve got going on here”
She looked at me and smiled slightly, I smiled back and chuckled to seem normal.
“Yeah even I don't know what I was trying to accomplish here, to be honest”
I tried to help Emma clean up the spilled groceries but she did not let me, she told me that I needed to recover like I had been in a car crash instead of having taken a little tumble. After a few seconds of silence, Emma spoke again.
“Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about earlier?”
A quick jolt of stress shot through my body, in a jumbled mess of lies and fear I had forgotten what I had told Emma, I sat there in silence for a few seconds unable to come up with an excuse
“I…umm… I don’t remember, it wasn't anything serious though”
“Damn did you hit your head too?”
She said once again proudly smiling at her joke.
At this point Emma picked up the last bag of potato chips from the floor and placed it on the table, then she opened the fridge and started loading the groceries into it.
“Anyway I gotta go get back to work’’
I blurted out after a few more seconds of awkward silence.
“Alright well good luck”
I walked over into the living room and sat down in front of my workstation, which now consisted of a laptop sitting on a small foldable TV tray that had just barely enough room left on it to fit a small USB mouse.
The last thing I remember, before I fell asleep, was me mindlessly scrolling through apartment listings while Emma watched a random 90’s horror movie I’m positive only had a budget of $500.
I woke up with a light stinging pain shooting through my dry throat, and a dim hissing sound caused by thousands of water drops striking the ground outside filled the room. I pressed the spacebar on my laptop, the brightness of the screen blinding me temporarily, after taking a few seconds to let my eyes readjust I managed to make out the time, 3:45 AM. A strong smell I was unable to make out the origin of assaulted my nostrils. Lavender.
The smell hitting my nose had the same effect on me that I would expect smelling salts would have on a weightlifter right before they set a world record. Before I knew it my legs were moving on their own at an almost uncontrollable pace, fighting back against my mind which was telling them to slow down after years of being used to navigating both mine and Emma’s apartment as steadily as possible to not bother the neighbors.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity I stood before Emma’s bedroom door, a faint, yellow, pulsating light radiated from a lamp and snuck out of a small gap between the door and the doorframe, reluctantly I pushed my left hand up against the door, my right hand grasping onto the door frame for a sense of stability, once the door was fully agape I scanned the inside of the room my heart skipping a beat for every humanoid shadow cast up onto the wall by the lights from the wicks which were set ablaze and were being slowly burnt away.
I walked into Emma’s room and made my way over to her bedside table to put out the candle, as I stepped closer towards her, her face became more defined, I could finally make out her features, she was awake, but no she could not have been, even though her eyes were wide open they never blinked, she didn't even move slightly, as I moved closer I finally managed to fully make out the expression of pure terror on her face, her mouth wide agape as if she was about to release a deafening screach, but she could not have, a single drop of solidified wax dribbled out of the corner of her mouth and clung to her cheek, my eyes traced the cream colored path back towards her mouth, first up her cheek then between the corner of her mouth and finally behind her teeth, there instead of her tongue or the roof of her mouth I saw a wall of wax which had filled in the entirety of her mouth.
I fell to my knees and hunched forward supporting my body weight with my arms, I was too late, I resisted the urge to vomit and got back up onto my feet, a mixture of tears and snot slid down my face and onto my lips, shaking now I slowly started limping over towards my phone which I had left on the couch next to where I had awoken just minutes before, just minutes before my life was destroyed because of my lies if I had just told Emma what I had gone through, if I had just told her what had happened on the night of the incident which now seemed trivial, even if she thought that I was crazy, I know that she would have complied just to make me feel comfortable.
It took me at least 30 seconds of repeated attempts to stabilize my hands enough to properly dial 911. “Someone broke into my apartment and hurt my friend” was the only reasonable explanation I could come up with that would not get the operator to hang up on me thinking that this was a prank call.
I sat there in the living room for an agonizing 10 minutes, crying, my sadness slowly transformed into anger towards myself, and my mind raced thinking of all the lies I’d told, I kept thinking that if I had just told her the truth she would not have been laying there in her bed, her body bloated, “every single orifice has signs of forced penetration and has been filled with what seems to be candle wax” is what was written on her autopsy report.
For a few days I was the main suspect in Emma’s murder, but due to the almost unstoppable crying and the unresponsive state that I was in when the police arrived, mixed with the lack of evidence of me having a way to produce 30 pounds of candle wax led to me being released out of police custody, but because I was the main suspect I was not told any details about what had fully happened to Emma, for days all I had to work off of was the image of her face frozen in terror, and a short glance I caught of her bloated body as she was being carted out on a stretcher.
I recounted every single word of our last conversations over and over again until they became permanently etched into my brain.
Emma’s parents originally wanted to cremate her, as that is what she had somewhat jokingly asked for whenever the topic of funerals came up, well she had joked about wanting to have had unpopped popcorn shoved down her throat before she was sent off to “scare the shit out of the guy cremating me” but due to all the wax which would have been impossible to get out of her body they were forced to bury her.
A few days before Emma’s funeral her body disappeared.
After Emma’s death, her parents took me into their home, after reading the autopsy reports and seeing her corpse they had thrown out every single candle they owned which made their home the safest choice I had, still, this did not stop me from buying a machete and keeping it under my bed, just in case.
I was laying on the bed in their guest bedroom The day that the police informed Emma’s parents about her disappearance, the bedroom is right above the front porch of the house, at first I heard them ring the doorbell which was followed up by 3 powerful knocks on the door, for about a minute I laid there on the bed listening to muffled voices exchanging distorted words I was barely able to make out which slowly transformed into distorted weeps, curious I lifted myself up from the bed, made my way over to the window and carefully lifted the bottom panel making Shure to not make too much noise, the distorted muffled sounds started forming into coherent words “We checked the security footage but the only strange thing we could see was a 5 second time jump” one of the officers spoke in a serious and almost monotone voice “which meant that the security guard who was the only person in the building had to climb down 2 flights of stairs walk through a 40 foot long hallway and then drag her body back up stairs and out of the building in 5 seconds” Emma’s mom let out yelp “ but don’t worry ma'am that’s actually good news because we know that her corpse is still somewhere within the building and was probably brought to the wrong floor by an intern, we’ve already warned all of the staff at the hospital to keep an eye out, and we also sent 5 officers to search the hospital”
I could not believe what I was hearing, my breathing quickened, but this time instead of fear I felt anger, that fucker stole her corpse and was probably in the weird separate plane of existence he always went back to after terrorizing me, cutting off chunks of her body, melting her, and drinking her.
I closed the window Emma’s mom's cries once again turned into a muffled rumble which was only possible to make out if you knew what to look for, I took a few steps back away from the window planning to lay back down, not wanting to bother Emma’s parents. I bumped into something, not something, someone, its fleshy towering form as solid as a wall sent me tumbling forward, I knew it was him, he had returned to take me too, to stretch his swollen cracked lips, push them down my esophagus, fill my lungs and stomach with wax. But despite all of that this time I was not scared, I was angry, and I was not going to stand there in terror like I had the last time I saw him.
I fell forward onto my knees my face missing the window sill just by mere inches, I put my hands onto the floor, lifted one of my knees, and rotated 180 degrees now facing the monster, to the right of him pushed up against the wall was the bed, light from the sun reflected off of the metallic button which kept my machete in it’s sheathe, the man started to stretch his lips, they were moving towards me, waving a wiggling through the air like a snake slithering towards me.
I dove towards the bed one of my feet pushing off of the floor and the other pushing against the wall which creaked under the pressure applied to it, I flew for a few moments before slamming down onto the carpet and sliding forward, the heat generated by my skin brushing against the carpet released a sharp stinging pain throughout my body, my outstretched arm landed just a few inches short of the machete, I quickly bent my arms, pushing my body up and crawled towards the machete. my fingers wrapped around the handle I spun around, my back pushed up against the bedside table, once again facing the man, he was still facing the window but his lips faced me and were just a few feet away from me, for what felt like minutes but was most likely no longer than a second, I struggled to hook my finger under the strap securing the machete into its sheath, as the lips inched towards me the man started producing gurgling noises, he was regurgitation wax.
I finally pulled the machete out of its sheath, I swung the blade at the man's lips, the blade was not met with any resistance as it sliced through the man’s lips which landed on the carpeted floor with an audible thud, the man did not have a physical reaction to my counter-attack, his lips kept creeping towards me, once again I slashed at the lips, still no reaction, I repeated this at least 3 more times.
I wanted to kill him, I wanted to take revenge for what he had done to Emma, but fighting back was pointless. I realized that no matter how much I tried to hurt it, I could not kill him, I could not get rid of him.
My rage dissipated and a mixture of fear and sadness crept in, and soon took over my body, I screamed for help, I screamed in fear, in agony, tears streamed down my face as the man's lips finally reached my face, he wasn’t met with any resistance as his lips snuck between mine, pried my jaw open and finally started to slide down my esophagus.
I heard the cops run up the stairs, they started banging on the door asking if I was okay only to have been met with muffled screams, hot wax started to pour down inside of me, the stinging pain of the heat made me want to plunge the machete which I had dropped onto the ground next to me into my stomach to create a gaping wound that the wax would hopefully funnel out of, the texture of the man's slippery, oily lips matched with the poison like flavor of the wax caused me to start gagging, I felt my insides bulging like at any moment my intestines would have been filled to the point where they would pop, I wanted to vomit, the drain myself of the filth I was filled with, but his lips had plugged my throat not allowing anything to get out.
Hearing my muffled screams the cops started kicking the door down, the man retracted his lips, the suction aided my attempts at cleansing my insides, I got onto my hands and knees streams of molten wax pouring out of me, solidifying on the the carpet, with another loud thud the door swung open slamming into the wall, the man was gone.
That’s the last thing I remember before I passed out, but according to one of the doctors who was in the ambulance that brought me to the hospital, I was still semi-responsive during the first 10 minutes of the ride to the hospital.
Approximately 13.4 pounds of wax were removed from my body, the doctors said that I was in a critical condition and some of them did not expect me to make it.
One of the officers who was there the day the man attacked me took a report of what had happened to me, due to the unmistakable evidence of what had happened to both me and Emma, and the fact that this was the 3rd instance of me reporting something like this the police finally started investigating who this man might have been.
Around a month later I was discharged from the hospital and once again have been staying in the living room of Emma’s parent's house.
I’ve been seeing the man again, candles were not allowed in the hospital I stayed at, which means that he’s probably very hungry, he’s close to attacking me again, I know it, he wants to finish what he started and I don't know if I have the power to fight back, I’m not sure if defeating him is even possible, I’m tired.
I’ve been seeing Emma too, her bloated, reanimated corpse often appears to be standing next to the man. If I let him take me will I get to join them? I’ve tried asking but they don’t answer, they just stare, I can’t keep living in constant fear, always looking over my shoulder, I miss Emma.

36M, DX of Ankylosing Spondylitis and ADHD. Meds: Lyrica, Adderall 30mg XR in AM, propranolol 20mg twice daily, Tramadol PRN, Celebrex. No recreational drugs or Alcohol.
Flew from DC to SEATAC yesterday, when I got to my hotel and I took my socks off I noticed I have 2 sores on each of the insides of my ankle. Also, my ankles are mildly swollen. What is this?
For the last 6 months my left big toe has been intermittently painful, and in early April the nail cracked in half, it stopped being painful, but it seems to randomly get swollen and painful and I’m curious if it has anything to do with these ulcers? As well have been having chronic pruritus that is increased with body temp rising and hot water exposure. All over body, but ears, scalp, abdomen, and legs most affected.
Both hurt significantly. PCP had me and several different antibiotics for the big toe, but it never did anything so we assumed it was inflammation. A1C and glucose is normal. Low anion gap at 2 consistently, raised CRP 5-28, elevated CH50 complement levels, low BUN/Creatinine ratio for 2 months at 5 and 7. Slightly elevated Kappa/Lamda ratio at 2.4
Thanks for your time. See link to pics
https://imgur.com/olEHjkV
https://i.imgur.com/mqwkh2Z.jpeg
https://i.imgur.com/JYTkl1C.jpeg

I’ve been on 1gm valacyclovir twice a day again doctor haven’t/wont change my medication she swear she knows everything also period is approaching why do I still get outbreaks even on antivirals ? Haven’t had a break from the symptoms or outbreaks I’ve tried everything rn my whole mouth is itchy and tingling right along with 2 cold sore blisters forming around mouth/lips in opposite side of mouth/lips idk what to do.🥹😢😢😢😢

Been on 1gm valacyclovir twice a day again doctor haven’t/wont change my medication she swear she knows everything also period is approaching why do I still get outbreaks even on antivirals ? Haven’t had a break from the symptoms or outbreaks I’ve tried everything rn my whole mouth is itchy and tingling right along with 2 cold sore blisters forming around mouth/lips in opposite side of mouth/lips idk what to do.🥹😢😢😢😢

Throwaway for anonymity reasons. Inspired by another post here about UIUC. To preface, this will be a rant style post, and I understand that I'm extremely privileged to be even in a position to attend MIT. And no, it's not a shit post, I am fairly ambivalent about attending MIT.
For context, MIT was my early action application school, and I was also admitted to Stanford RD and Harvard RD. Ended up picking MIT because, at the time, it was the smartest decision financially (2/5 the price of Harvard but around the same price as Stanford) and academically (I'm very interested in majoring in applied math, computer science, and/or bioengineering).
It's just that I'm getting significant buyers remorse right now. I just feel an immense sense of FOMO in that I'll miss out on all of Stanford's big tech/entrepreneurial connections and Harvard's "prestige," (and I say that coming from an immigrant family with parents who barely speak English but very much knows where Harvard is).
All my cross admit friends are mainly choosing Harvard, with some choosing Stanford, and practically none choosing MIT. Most cite reasons of "depression" and "rigorous course load" as their reason to avoid MIT, and I really thought I could handle it. But after talking to some students post-decision day, it seems that the cold weather and crazy difficult course load is killing a lot of students, and they don't seem to enjoy their college experience? I want to be able to do things outside the academics of a college, and looking back, it seems like I choose VERY wrong by committing to MIT. It's gotten to the point where I loath having to tell friends and family where I'm attending because of the (often lighthearted) comments about how I'm going to die at MIT from the rigor.
Now, Stanford offered me an extension until the end of next week, and I'm getting an itchy finger to decommit from MIT and commit to Stanford. Harvard offered no extension for me. Otherwise, I'm already stressing about my resume in the event that I think I might need to have a good transfer application. It feels like freshman year high school all over again.
But I really don't want to transfer. I want to find some sort of angle that'll make me actually love MIT, and honestly I might need to just attend in the fall to love it.

I’ll start by saying I live in Canada and over the last 3 months I’ve seen several doctors including dermatologists and still have no official diagnosis and after constantly being dismissed, I’m starting to feel alone and defeated.
My ‘journey’ started in the middle of February with some intense itching in my inner thighs with no visible rash. I saw my dermatologist two weeks later and she suspected scabies but since there was no rash she couldn’t confirm anything. For the next two weeks, I felt biting sensations in my private area and the itching continued so I went back to see her. By this time the itching had moved to my armpits as well. Again, no sign of an infestation or any rashes, so told me to try anti-itch creams. There was no improvement over the next month and by now I felt like something was crawling on my skin, so I went to a walk-in clinic. Doctor couldn’t see anything that would cause any of these symptoms. They thought it was jock itch but I insisted that we explore scabies, so she told me to try 5% permethrin cream. The pharmacist sold me one tube and so I went home, followed the directions on the box and went to sleep. Woke up the next morning, washed my sheets, clothing, took a shower and figured that’s all I needed. A few days later I noticed small rashes between two of my fingers and both armpits but thought nothing of it for a couple of weeks. The itching sort of subsided but the biting and crawling sensations continued so I went to a different pharmacy and was told that I should have applied permethrin again 7 days after the first application and since I didn’t, I should just apply it as soon as possible. I bought another tube and applied it the same way as the first time, right before bed. Again, woke up, threw my stuff in the wash, took a shower and went about my day. By now I was also vacuuming daily, wearing latex gloves, wiping surfaces down with Lysol wipes, changing bedding every morning and drying everything on high heat.
A few days go by and the rashes started fading but the everything else was still there so I went to a different dermatologist and she told me that it’s definitely not scabies and that my skin was just a little dry. I sort of didn’t believe her but also kind of felt relieved as for at least two months prior to seeing her, I stayed away from everyone and worked from home and wanted to get back to my life. And so I did.
Fast forward two weeks and I discovered about 15-20 itchy pimple-like bumps on my forearm. That was 4 days ago. These pictures are from today and I now have over a hundred itchy bumps that keep spreading up my arm and since I didn’t take any precautions over the past few days have a also spread onto my genitals. Plus, my neck has a crazy rash that started this morning and it’s so itchy.
I’m so confused and I’ve been sitting at home all day, reading through hundreds of different posts trying to figure out if I had scabies and now have post scabies or if I’ve been reinfested with scabies. I will add that I’ve consistently been taking oral antihistamines since February and started trying different things like clove and neem oils, as well as 10% sulfur ointment since April, but nothing has helped. I’ve also been sitting in a near infrared sauna for 30 minutes from December until about a month ago and am wondering if maybe that’s why I didn’t have any visible signs of scabies until a few weeks after I stopped.
Not sure if I’m looking for an answer or to simply tell my story, but I’m open to opinions and advice.

I don't really know how to start this, but I'm an overall healthy 30 year old female, and is an issue I've had all my life but was never severe enough to mention to my doctor. As I've gotten older, however, the symptoms have ramped up/ its been brought to my attention no one else really experiences these things.
My feet can sometimes go through periods of being uncomfortably hot. It's almost like all the heat in my body is coming out of my feet. My feet aren't red, itchy, or swollen at all- my skin is just hot. At first I was worried it was in my head/ a nerve issue, but other people around me have commented that my feet are extremely hot to the touch and can feel the heat radiating off of them during these spells. It happens randomly and doesn't seem to have a consistent duration; sometimes it can last for 2 minutes or 20. The only thing that really helps is letting it go away on its own or putting my feet on something cold/running them under cold water. It's quite uncomfortable and can keep me from falling asleep at night sometimes. I can't wear tight pants that trap the heat in my legs for too long or my legs and feet will get hot.
I can't find anyone else who's had this type of experience, and I'm super curious if anyone on the sub would be able to at least point me in the direction of a potential explanation

Hi there, sorry if incorrect format or misspellings I'm on mobile and in so much pain. So I had a marsupialization done on my left side on Thursday (it's now going on Sunday almost midnight) and when I first came home I didn't really feel much as I was pretty numb, and I was knocked completely out for this. Then on Friday I was in a lot of pain and the area was black I mean it looked like I had been burned so bad and had charcoal there. So I called the drs office and they told me to alternate between ibuprofen and tylenol along with my oxycoden. They gave me that because I regularly take hydrocodone for chronic pain issues. Normally she doesn't give "pain" meds. But they told me no baths, no soap, they didn't give me any antibiotics and basically no real instructions. Now I've dealt with this same cyst for 8 years. I had it drained twice in office about 8 years ago, it seemed to work but never fully went away. Then I got pregnant and when I gave birth I asked if she could drain it but she said no because of infection, okay I get that. I asked again at my 6 week appointment and she asked " well does it bother you?" And I said no it's just uncomfortable and that's all I ever heard from every dr until I recently said yes it does because it was so large I couldn't even put a finger in my vagina, like my vagina was non existence. Which leads me to here. Now today I was in so much pain. It's not really black anymore but it's super swollen and red and I can't sit or lay down it's miserable and sorry for tmi but it smells awful. I use a water bottle after I pee, I really need to do number 2, but I can't I even have taken stool softners and it's right there but because of the pain I physically can't get it out which just is awful. Please tell me some of your experiences with this. I feel this will not end. I miss playing with my son and hanging out with him, my mom is a big help as we live with her, but I just hate this and I feel like it's botched or something, I am bleeding but not a lot and it's a dark color and doesn't smell great (sorry tmi) what can I do to help with some of this pain? I do ice as they told me no heat at all. Also my inner thigh and left butt cheek hurt as well. Sorry for the long post. Thank you so much.

I went in at 6:45 am and was home by 12:00 noon - the same day. I fell asleep for a few hours after returning home but was up walking around normally much of the night. I was able to fold clothing, clean up a bit, pick up toys, etc. with no issue. I’m a bit sore and swollen today but very manageable. I can sit in a kitchen chair fine, recliner is fine, laying on my side or stomach is not happening due to incisions and swelling. I think the worst part is the gas pains in my mid section, chest and shoulders. The more I walk around the better it gets so I walked around the house a lot today and went to the store to walk around. My mid section is pretty swollen, so I’m hoping that subsides soon. I’m curious how long it takes for swelling to go down. Good luck to everyone else with a procedure scheduled soon.

Hi all! My little old lady Shelly is on prednisone cream which goes in her ear pinna, and I recently was unable to get her refill for about a week. She’s on it because when she’s not, she itches or chews her fur off in one area or another and makes sores sores (she once had a bald tummy). This time, she’s really gone after her ears and has the worst dermatitis yet; they’re hot and inflamed, and clearly extremely itchy and sensitive. She’s been back on her meds for a few days, but until it kicks in she continues to itch. I made a vet appointment for Monday, but in the meantime I was wondering if anyone has advice for something soothing to put on her ears/eyebrow she scratched off. We think she does this because of allergies, but haven’t been able to figure out to what in her 18 years. I feel bad looking at her all droopy-eared!

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 241: Until Now
The doors to the Hartzwiese Adventurer’s Guild opened.
Before, the sound of raucous laughter could be heard flooding the street outside, filling the quiet of a spring night with all the debauchery the local drunkards had to offer.
Despite the halls of adventurers not being formal drinking establishments, those within were ready to compete in boisterousness with all the taverns, inns and pubs of the town combined. And also win. Handily.
And yet–
The moment the doors parted and I stepped within, a hush as quiet as any grave fell over its inhabitants.
A woman balancing with her derrière upon the head of another became still, the alcohol in her cup the only movement as it dribbled onto a stunned face below her.
A man slurping from the communal cauldron stared wordlessly, the stew pouring in, and then out of his mouth as the muscles of his throat forgot the means to swallow.
A bartender asleep upon a row of kegs quietly rose, the sudden din of silence waking him where the sound of debauchery and those drinking from the taps beside him had failed.
Here, there, and everywhere, eyes widened as the sudden silence was filled with the sounds of my footsteps as I strolled past, my loyal handmaiden and my brother’s attendant in my wake.
And also–
Mreow.
Mrewowow.
Meww.
Cats.
Tabby cats.
Calico cats.
Ragdoll cats.
Cats with twirly whiskers. Cats with puffy faces. Cats with slightly rounded ears.
Behind me, skipping around my legs while taking turns to sit upon my shoulders and very occasionally my head, were a legion of cats of various shapes, sizes and colours.
But no matter the springiness of their whiskers, the shine of their coat or the liveliness of their tails, one thing to bring them all together was the anarchy they caused.
This was no neat line of ducklings following after their mother.
This was a barbarian horde.
With no sense of organisation other than a shared drive to claim everything as their own, they immediately skipped amidst the stunned adventurers, scavenging for all the copious scraps while still turning their noses away from the alcohol forming sticky traps upon the floor.
Saying nothing, I allowed their demanding cries to fill up the hall as I swept forwards, pausing before a wall plastered from end to end with faded notices and requests long gone unanswered.
One by one, I systemically tore every request featuring a crudely drawn image of a cat, gathering into my arms a pile of parchment large enough to reach my chin.
Then, I made my way to the wooden desk.
A receptionist waited with a smile at the ready.
“Greetings! Welcome to the Hartzwiese branch of the Adventurer’s Guild. I see you’ve removed several notices from the–”
Poomph.
Silenced but unperturbed, this latest clone watched as I dropped the stack of requests onto her desk, before promptly topping off the stack with a copper ring.
“Do what must be done,” I said, my voice defiant. “I am ready.”
The receptionist answered me with a smile more permanent than the wall the notices were torn from.
A moment later–
“[Identify].”
A green hue appeared in her clasped palms as she assessed the ring.
“Juliette. B-rank. Your registered branch is Reitzlake.”
The sound of several cups clattered against the floor.
“Welcome again to Hartzwiese. I see from your commission history that you have an extraordinary amount of completions for recovering lost cats. May I assume the significant number of cats now roaming the branch hall relate to the notices removed from the wall?”
I pursed my quivering lips.
“Maybe.”
“Wonderful. And how many cats is it that you’ve rescued?”
“... Lots.”
“I see. Please give me a moment while I confirm the requirements of our commissions.”
The receptionist swiftly retrieved a stack of parchment from a drawer.
As she flicked through, her eyes simultaneously went to every cat roaming, napping and clawing in the hall. A skill not even monstrous overseers from the abyss with their dozens of eyestalks could match. But that’s only to be expected.
Wherever these receptionists were found, it was from a level deeper than any monster dared roam.
Eventually, she gave a nod.
“Thank you for waiting. There appears to be an excess of cats in relation to the number of commissions we have available. We’ll endeavour to ensure that every cat is rehomed at the earliest opportunity through our partner agencies and charities. But unfortunately, I can only provide official acknowledgement for cats rescued through a formal commission.”
I sucked in a deep breath, hoping that patience was one of the things I accidentally inhaled.
“Fine. And how many commissions does that end up being, then? … 10? 15?”
The receptionist flicked through her bundle of parchments once more.
“94.”
“... Excuse me?”
“I can confirm the successful completion of 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions. Congratulations. This is a new record, breaking what appears to be one earlier set by yourself. A remarkable achievement befitting a B-rank member of the guild.”
The receptionist’s professional smile never wavered.
I thought that would be the worst of it.
But then–
She slowly brought her hands together … and started applauding.
It was the leak which broke the dam.
At once, she was joined by all who were present to witness this crowning moment of regret.
I turned around in time to see a riot in motion.
“W-Wooooooooooo!!!!”
“In … Incredible …”
“A new record … I … I heard it was broken in Trierport … to think I’d witness it broken again!”
“A B-rank adventurer … ?! Where … Where did she come from … ?!”
There was no polite, respectful applause here.
It was the wild cheering of a crowd at a tournament. The whooping cries of theatregoers calling for an encore. The acclaim of my father as he elbowed others to delight in the poetry I’d written when I was 6 and thus now regularly attempted to burn.
Everywhere I turned, I saw and heard the acclaim mixed with shouts of horror as mugs of alcohol were spilled on purpose and by accident. The layabouts stomped on the floor, doing their best to murder decorum under the strain of unbridled emotion.
Only a few falling teardrops formed any hint of more dignified revelry, the glimmer of admiration running down cheeks as sniffles were hidden amidst the raucous cheering.
And then I bore witness to the most morbid sight.
Like a tidal wave of soiled clothes and snotty faces, they suddenly came as one, hands reaching out for me with dripping mugs still in their grips. Horror struck at my soul. And unlike a farmer who’d scarpered into the night, I had nobody who could heal a wound caused by hooligans accepting me as their own.
“A-Amazing!! Take my drink! Take anyone’s drink!!”
“So many cats rescued … even my allergies can’t believe it!”
“My gods, it’s a legend! An adventurer among adventurers!”
This.
This right here.
This was the lowest point of my life … were I not an unparalleled genius.
“Oho … ohoho …”
At once, the wave halted.
Faces which were lit up in unabashed delight turned to looks of mild confusion against the tinkling music of my laughter.
They needed to cycle through the expressions until they reached horror and shame.
“Ohhohohohohohoho!!”
… For I was no drunkard seeking to join their ranks!
No … I was Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea!
And that meant every action I took, every word I spoke, and every cat I saved was for a reason beyond the hopes and dreams these hoodlums had of wanton debauchery and rusting swords!
Indeed!
A lesser princess than I may slink away into the night, cowed by the utter shame, humiliation and disgrace of completing so many F-ranked requests that I somehow broke a record I’d only just set!
But I was made of greater things!
Of schemes and subterfuges so deep that it would take too long to explain! The plots I weaved were a silken web more intricate than any cogs which made up Coppelia as she doubled up, desperately trying to stop herself from succumbing to more pain from laughter!
And that meant with every cat request now denied to these louts … they would finally do some work!
“Ohoho … ohohohohoho!! Behold and be afraid! Witness before you the coming of a new dawn, here to lift you from your days of boundless reverie! Unfurl the shutters and gaze upon a radiance so pure it brands your dallying minds! The scorching sun has come to test the snail’s back, and all that your bleary eyes see is a great salt lake to devour you whole! Shrivel as you cling upon the sweat which drips upon your brow, for that is the proof you’re yet alive!”
A sudden silence met my proclamation of their coming ordeal.
And then–
“Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“I don’t understand! But what a speech!”
“If she can do it, so can we!”
I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.
“Ohhhohohohohohohoho … !”
Here it was!
Operation: Gainful Employment!
An entirely new strategy, as bold as it was uncharted!
By removing what was surely the vast majority of missing cat quests available to the adventurers of this town, they would have no choice, utterly none whatsoever, but to engage in actual work! The type of work adventurers openly advertised themselves as doing!
Monster subjugation! Crime prevention! Fetching artifacts from hidden dungeons and then succumbing to their wounds at the entrance while the Royal Treasury pocketed the treasure!
Yes, this was clearly a highly experimental tactic.
But what was I, if not a bastion of creativity?
At the very least, I utterly refused to accept the status quo! An organisation dedicated exclusively to rescuing lost cats or elbowing into my kingdom’s sovereign affairs was no good to me!
Thus … I could not cower like some towngirl nauseous from the smell of their revelry.
Instead, I would squeeze the Adventurer’s Guild dry until the day I replaced them with an army of trained poodles. Until that joyous day, I could never tear my eyes away when they waited to be robbed.
To do so was more than a dereliction of duty …
Why, I’d be an accomplice to their drunken escapades!
My vow remained unchanged. For my goal, I would brave any indignity. The ring I was hoping the receptionist would forget to return was proof of that.
And thus–
I stood tall as a summer reed, proud in the knowledge that I had no need to feel even an inkling of embarrassment over completing 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions! …
“Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.”
“S-Stop at once! You are not to laugh!”
“Pffffttt~”
“C-Coppelia!!”
Clearly not seeing the angel of self-sacrifice who I was, Coppelia held one hand tightly around her mouth. Even so, she failed to stop either the sound of her amusement or the tears falling from her eyes.
My only salvation was that it came at significant cost to her. Even now, she careened between laughter and painful regret.
I decided to offer both her and myself mercy.
Turning to the receptionist, I found a modest pouch already waiting upon the wooden desk. As well as a copper ring waiting beside it.
“Thank you for your service to the Adventurer’s Guild,” said the receptionist, her professional smile undaunted by the commotion. “Your total remuneration is 102 gold crowns, 7 silver crowns and 9 copper crowns. I’ve taken the liberty to compile all your separate payments together.”
I took the pouch and ignored the ring.
The receptionist pushed the ring forwards.
A long moment later, I collected it, uncertain what a receptionist would do if I tossed it into the communal cauldron, but knowing it would somehow still end up on my finger regardless.
With my head held high, I bravely ignored the chorus of voices unknowingly cheering for their own hardship as I swept past. Renewed tears and applause filled the hall. A few cats attempted to follow me. I stopped to shoo them away.
And then I was outside, the door closing behind me.
“... Goodness, that was quite the sight,” said Renise with a bemused smile. “It reminded me somewhat of the inns of Reitzlake’s docks. I wonder if all the halls of adventurers are like that, or merely those which you frequent?”
“Please don’t insinuate I’m responsible for the debauchery which occurs wherever the Adventurer’s Guild is concerned. That’s something I can claim no credit for.”
“You say that … but to me, it seems that you caused quite a stir. That really is a remarkable number of cats you rescued, after all. Even I can tell that 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions–”
“Miss Renise.”
The maid’s smile wavered against whatever fatigued expression I was making.
A moment later, it fell away entirely as she switched to her role as my brother’s attendant and the leader of whatever scoundrels he’d charged her with herding.
“... Yes, I suppose there’s time for idle conversation later. There’s a guardhouse nearby. We should report on all that’s happened tonight.”
I gave a nod of agreement.
Hopefully, the baroness hadn’t woken from her stupor yet. But if she had, I was certain the single portrait of myself I’d returned to the wall of her gallery to smile down at her gagged and bound state would calm her nerves.
Renise hummed towards the direction of Hartzwiese’s centre, before returning her attention to me.
“If you wish to keep your identity incognito, I can see guards sent to where they’re needed using my own authority, and arrange for the appropriate seizure of the goods and crowns we’ve discovered.”
I beamed at once.
My, so prudent! It’s little wonder she was chosen by Roland!
“A judicious offer. And one I’ll accept gladly, providing the burden isn’t too severe.”
“This is merely an administrative task, and little burden compared to what both yourself and Miss Coppelia regularly perform. In any event, it is only efficient. I expect I’ll be spending a significant amount of time at the baroness’s farmstead. It is quite extensive. If possible, I would like to make use of it for Rose House. I imagine having such a facility close to the Granholtz border would have its uses.”
I nodded, already forgetting the barn’s existence.
“I encourage you to use your discretion as required. My brother has put his trust in you, and so I both expect and know that you shall not disappoint in furthering the kingdom’s prosperity.”
The young woman smiled. One filled with appreciation, but also lacking ambition.
Good.
An excellent combination as far as retainers were concerned.
“Thank you. Although I worry you place too much trust in my abilities. In truth, those like Baroness Arisa would have made for a greater asset to the kingdom. Her resourcefulness must be acknowledged.”
“It is not resourcefulness my kingdom requires. It is loyalty. And hers is a pit so empty it drains others.”
“That’s true. But at least we were able to acquire some useful things from her nonetheless.”
Renise pulled out a tiny vial from the belt around her thigh.
A golden liquid was stored within, glimmering with an unnatural light.
“These were in her chamber,” she said, her eyes lacking emotion as she surveyed the bright liquid. “When we met, she actually attempted to purchase my loyalty with this.”
“A suspect vial. How quaint. And what miracle did she promise?”
“One that would wake my parents from their curse of eternal slumber.”
“... And is it?”
“I don’t believe so, no. This is one of many identical vials I found in her chamber’s desk drawer. All prominently labelled with instructions to only drink as required to stave off the effects of bloating.”
Renise returned the vial to her belt with a slightly embarrassed smile.
“It’s still useful,” she admitted. “But just not for what I require.”
I gave a simple nod as my reply.
Nothing else needed to be said.
She hoped to see her parents wake from their prison of dormancy. An understandable wish. And one I wasn’t required to supplement with the comment that no pair named the Smuggler King and the Smuggler Queen were likely to receive as light a sentence as their daughter.
I could not speak on behalf of Roland. Although I imagined that as a kind man, he would prefer not to pass judgements which were total. But as the Crown Prince, he did not have the luxury of kindness.
It would take much to change their fate.
But perhaps that’s why Renise was here, still proving true, and not accepting stomach ailment potions from a baroness.
A moment of silence followed.
Renise gave a short sigh. And that was that.
She set her eyes on the task ahead–at least until whatever words she’d parted her mouth to say were interrupted by Coppelia’s humming instead.
“Sooooooooooooooo … you just want to wake up two people eternally sleeping, right?”
A small smile met her optimistic voice.
“If a cure were readily available, I’m certain I would have found it by now. I believe one might be possible, but it would take skill and ingredients beyond any apothecary I know of.”
“Well, sure, you could go that way. But what about going straight to the source instead?”
“The source?”
“Sure. They’re asleep, right? So just ask the one in charge of where they are now.”
“I’m … not quite sure I follow?”
Coppelia clapped her hands together and beamed.
“The Spring Court is the realm of dreams. Chances are, they must have shown their faces around a few times by now. If you ask the Spring Queen nicely, she might do you a favour.”
“The Spring Queen? … The fae?”
“Mmh~ luckily, we have someone with connections here!”
Renise was startled out of her reply.
It was nothing compared to me. The one being pointed at.
“Coppelia!” I said, truly aghast at the suggestion. “The fae are not to be taken lightly. Why, I still have nightmares about my conversation with the Winter Queen! I learned a side to royalty that day which I shall never forget … and I’m quite poorer for it!”
“You met … the Winter Queen?” asked Renise, her eyes suddenly wide.
“Unfortunately, yes, but I had zero intention of meeting her, and I’ve just as little intention of meeting any other fae as well. Including the Spring Queen.”
I waved away the coming query to declare what was just as important as my lack of enthusiasm.
“Besides, I’ve not the foggiest idea how I would even hope to use these supposed connections I have.”
“Oh, that’s the easy bit,” said Coppelia, her casual disregard for what counted as ‘easy’ more terrifying than any lout I’d met today. “The hard part is getting them to do what you want. But meeting them? The fae are creatures of stories. If the time is right, they’ll speak to you–one way or another.”
“Then they must book an appointment. One which I can formally reject.”
“I mean, I don’t think you have much choice. You didn’t last time, right?”
“The last time, I was sat beside the Winter Queen’s crown. I see no fae artifacts to hook me away. And that means utterly no scenario in which I could be abducted without my express–”
I suddenly stopped, clasping my hands around my mouth.
A moment later, I raised my arms in a martial art I’d just invented, turning repeatedly on the spot.
Renise blinked at me.
“Excuse me, but what are–”
“Shhshhshh!!”
I paused, gazing intently around at the quiet, dark streets of Hartzwiese, all the while ignoring Coppelia’s giggling at my near miss.
That … That was close!
“O-Oho … oho … I almost invited something terrible. Truly, it’s perhaps best not to needlessly voice things which Fae Queens and their deviant brand of magic could use …”
Coppelia nodded at me, as proud as she was clearly disappointed.
“You’re lucky. If the Spring Queen had a sense of humour, she’d have snagged you right there and then.”
“No. If the Spring Queen had a sense of humour, she’d wait until–”
Click.
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I’ve been dealing with pelvic floor dysfunction for about 5 months now and I’m wondering if the trigger points I’m finding when I’m doing internal work with a gloved finger are actually internal hemorrhoids. I’ve found maybe 3-4 spots that I’ve pressed on and I feel a minor sting but no more pain from it after the fact. The newest one is between my tailbone and anus and it’s very inflamed around the spot and has made my anus feel really sore. No blood in the stool and I don’t strain when I go.
I’ve been having 1-2 BMs a day for the last month and a half. I avoid dairy, glutin, candy/snacks and junk food/fast food. And I eat a banana or pear, two prunes and a spoon of Inulin a day to have regular easy bowel movements.
I’d rather not go to a doctor again because the last time they told me to eat more fiber and tried to get me a colonoscopy without checking at all. What things have you found the most benefit with them?

The wiry black tree stood out that snowy January morning like an abysmal blot. Devoid of leaves to indicate life, it managed to stain the cloudy white sky with its presence. It looked down on me as I filled my bright red percolator with grounds and water, a dark always in my peripheral, though I rarely looked directly at it. Its shadowy tendrils followed me for the whole day, through the long rows of dispassionate wood tables and cold white plastic chairs, the cramps in my forearm when I wrote too quickly, and teachers calling out time for students. As soon as another student looked down on their paper, or a teacher turned away, the shadows advanced, licking my face, drowning out my surroundings. The voices of the teachers, the sight of the paper under my pencil, the pain of the hangnails and ripped cuticles on my finger—all faded away. By the time exams had finished, I had been lulled into a haze, a stupor that lured me into deceitful sleep.

Your reflection refracts a million times in between the mirror’s cracks, each piece of glass portraying some dream of you, or, maybe, some memory. Two candles light up the room, one red and one white. Each conveys different light, and each flicker illuminates our skin uniquely. I look at you in the mirror’s shards, each contour of your face accentuated slightly differently. More white light there and shifting shadows hitting at new angles. The red and white candlelight dances on you, caressing your painted white face and red lips a little bit differently in each image. I open my lips to speak. “Do you realize I love the way you look me in my eyes?” As I turn to look at you, I see your eyes are black and your body is rigid. I feel myself falling, slipping away from you. I rush to kiss you before you disappear, but your face falls apart as our lips meet; your skin sloughs and flakes off, and your eyes are still black, like two drops of ink in water, and I can’t hold all of you together. My head jerks out of water. Bright rose petals are scattered on its surface, and dim candles lit on white marble surround me. It seems like I’m in a bathtub. I wipe my face, but warm, thick liquid covers my arms, and I look down to see partially coagulated blood on my hands. It disperses when I rub it off, but as more blood falls, I realize that it’s dripping from my neck. My throat’s cut; raw and filled with some rough, frayed substance. The sharp, smoky smell of sage wafts up to me. Blood from my throat and hands spreads in the bath, and after just moments, all of the water in the bath is tinted red. I move closer to inspect the candles, and I realize that they’re part of a shrine. At its center is a mask; covered in black and white paint, with light peering through its eye and mouth holes. When I reach to examine it, I feel a sharp burning on my back. A candle has melted onto me. I try to wipe it off, but it burns my hand when I touch it. Another candle melts, and another, and another. Red and white wax fills the tub, steaming as the hot wax meets the cool, rose-colored water. At first, the water cools it, but as more pours into the tub, the water begins to heat. I snap up, but sharp, thin claws pull me down. Four emaciated figures are dragging me further down into the boiling water. I open my eyes underwater, and for a brief moment, before the sizzling water sears my eyes closed, I’m able to make out a face—black hair and pale skin, with red cuts all over. I flail and resist, and eventually, I gasp, but as I try to breathe in, boiling water fills my throat and I die. Dancers whirl across the room, encircling the center, rotating this way and the other. My friend tells me I should ask you to dance, but I brush it off. It’s not worth it; I was never much of a dancer. So I just sit there and watch as you and your friends talk, laugh, dance, sing and take pictures. When I’m around you, I see myself through you. Each time you laugh, I want to laugh, and when you smile, I can’t hold mine back. I find myself picking petals from roses when I’m around you too long. We’re so beautiful; your new white dress, and my teary red eyes. I look at you and whisper. “Let's touch the sky, I’ma, I’ma change your life”. For an instant, I see you looking back. You pause, no longer talking to your friends, like we’re frozen together as the crowd buzzes around us. Your eyes get big and your mouth opens like you’re about to say something. Then you turn away, and the crowd consumes you and leaves me behind, and finally, I wake up in a cold sweat. The shadows in the room lengthened, wrapping themselves around me, smothering me and my deferred hopes and indiscretion. The moonlight filled the room, and the trees stared at me, with harsh branch faces chastising me, and I pulled the blanket around me, closer and closer, enveloping as much as it could. For a moment, the whole world turned red and white—red like my face as heat rose from my throat to right behind my cheekbones and eyes, pushing itself higher and higher, threatening to burst out of my skull, and white like the cloudy winter tones that had characterized the sky for weeks at this point. 

After that, everything faded to gray. My red cheeks cooled, and my eyes became sullen, and the white snow that my window peered onto was dirty and impure. I remember when you told me that at the beginning of the book, he’s gray, and then he’s colorful, and then, at the end of the book, he’s gray again. Sometimes you sound like my biographer. But there’s one thing you missed. We never stopped seeing the color, it just became safer for us to hide from the oversaturated reds and whites that burn our eyes, the sounds that sound too loud, and the pretty girls with pale skin and black hair who only kiss us in our nightmares. I stay up the rest of the night with my lights on to beat back any shadowy tendrils that come my way, biting my fingertips and white cuticles until they’re red, bleeding and raw, until I return to my playlist, ready to walk into school tomorrow and pretend I’m alive.

my candidas albicas is one of the worst yeast infections. i stopped eating sugar. insert fungal cream once a week as prescribed. had sore swollen random lymph nodes. one behind my neck , one on my thigh, two on my arm. left earache. pain in left armpit. doctors don't have a clue. i believe it's from my candidas. i think i'm getting better cause pain and swelling has stopped. but i still have some burning on v a g. burning left arm has stopped. i get the feeling from going to gyno doc and MDs. they don't really know a lot about yeast. it affects everyone differently. you wouldn't believe how many gynos i went to in the beginning , that sent me home with nothing. one told me it was all in my head. that's not that uncommon to hear. my vag was a little swollen and he didn't see it. another doctor did. that's when things got rolling.