Best way finger myself

Mother’s day just passed & i (20f) went all out for his (23m) mother & grandmother to which he had a problem with because he felt like i was doing what he should’ve been doing even though he made no effort towards doing so until the last minute. I always go big or go home when it comes to gifts or making someone feel special whether it’s materialistic (money never been an issue with me) or just being there but he only really cares about himself & what makes him happy. He has a problem with me saying hi & hugging everyone when i get to this house before i kiss or hug him. I do say hi to him before i start hugging & speaking to everybody else so it’s not like i don’t acknowledge him, i told him it’s how i was raised & i can’t see myself changing that to accommodate things being about him & it become a big deal.
Recently i got fed up with him only caring about himself & i can say i exploded on him about a lot i had bottled up, i used to want to talk about things in the beginning of our relationship but he would always push it to the side & we would move on & i got comfortable with that so i had a lot bottled up & finally told him & it led to a breakup in which i can say we both didn’t want but it felt right. I’m pro break up & walking away with my heart intact i don’t stay & keep breaking my heart. I told him i was unhappy with a lot to which he made it about him & how he has a lot of learning to do but he doesn’t want to let me go. I’ve never been in a relationship but i’ve connected with other guys on a level where we went out, they did & said thoughtful things, they planned things, they gave me the space to talk about me but him? not so much it’s always about him, he was depressed i took him out & told him he didn’t have to pay a dime once again money never been an issue with me, i was there with him at the hospital but when i had an abortion for our baby he left me alone for three weeks because he didn’t know how to handle the situation & came back confessing how wrong he was i took him back, i was there when his great grandmother passed to which he said a lot of his family are holding on to things that he already let go of & he wants them to move on.. no empathy or sympathy for others.
I felt like i was his girlfriend & best friend in one & i want a best friend & boyfriend, i don’t need materialistic things from him but i want somebody to care about me i want a friend, i want a partner. He lacking in the department of being there for others the way they are for him.. he’s selfish & i told him that & it got big, now he needs space & doesn’t know how much time he needs, im being pushed away again & as much as it hurts, would i be wrong to leave & never show face or even give him the time of day whenever he decides to come back? I’m being told closure might be good in this situation but my heart can’t handle whatever else he has to offer, i can’t afford to keep seeing myself as stupid for loving someone who i feel didn’t love me the same. I’m young & i know i will get to a point where things like this will be distant & i will pick better but any advice would help right now.
tldr: my boyfriend has a problem with me caring about anything other than him, he’s asking for space because i said i was unhappy with him & the way things are in our relationship. I exploded on him & he made it about him & we ended up breaking up just for him to tell me we’re not done but he needs time.

Trigger warning: Sensitive topic matters
Please don't be too mean. 😅 This is already kinda awkward for me. I'll do my best to explain things...
I have an awkward problem I have been trying to get passed, not sure if I should get passed.
I meet this guy at the begining of the year through OLD. When we went to talk, I noticed the cadence of his voice was similar to that of my younger brother. Not really the same tone, but choice of inflections, sometimes word processing, etc.
It was very distracting initially, and I kept getting very turned off and bothered by it, but then I sort of thought to myself, I am blowing it out of proportion, and it's not that similar. At first things didn't work out, so I was relieved I didn't have to worry myself about that.
Well, we ended up reconnecting and somehow getting more serious. And I kind of told myself I would all-in-all give him a fair shot, but sometimes this thought pops up and bothers me.
For the most part, he is a really nice and handsome guy. He doesn't look like my brothet, lmao. Very different actually.
He does have some persistent anxiety issues, though. He at times kind of holds things inside of himself, which is actually something my brother does somewhat similary, and makes me appreciate that challenge for him. Due to that, I think maybe they share a small feature of the same mental health issues which may explain the silent nature, the candence, and approach to speech. Though, I saw him play the same kind of music to his students my brother would and brain instantly went 😬.
Other than that, they are very different personalities. For the most part. He is much more reserved. Much more of a nerd than him. He's more like me than my brother. And of course my brother is sligghtly like me, but not by a lot.
I also called to check-in on my brother after he had his first time hard partying in college and I wanted to make sure he ended up safe. He happened to be driving me home when I got a chance to and I was so relieved to notice their voices really don't sound similar, just certain aspects of the cadence and thought processes.
I have considered bring this up with my therapist, but don't want to make it more weird than it is. 😅 For some additional info, I am an incest survivor - not w/ my brother - and am very prorective of him. So, I am not sure what to think, if I am being fair, too relaxed, or overracting. I honestly think in most ways, my brother will not be able to relate to him at all, but it also might be nice to have a older role model around a little more approachable due to similarities in difficulty expressing themselves.
It might not work out because of his anxiety. He has some avoidance tendencies. But overal we both feel cared for and are giving things a shot to see if we choose to form a relationship after 3-4 months now of taking things slow and dating.
Now, I did date someone with the same name as my brother once. He has an unfortunately common name. Yes, it did give me the heebie jeebies. Yes, I forced myself to get over it and it wasn't even worth it. I refuse anyone with the name now because I just will not do that again. But Idk, if this is all an additional, offense in people's minds.
Just trying to field some honest responses and get some advice. I have really been questioning if I should even allow myself to mention the thought outloud or to anyone. 😂 To him?
TL;DR: Please read it, damn it. Every bit is necessary. But dating someone with slight unexpected similarities to my brother and don't know if I should, or fully get over it.

The official Obit, written by my siblings:
"It is with deep sadness that we announce the passing of our beloved mother, Madeleine, in Ottawa, on November 25, 2016. Born in Montreal (Pointe St. Charles) on May 18, 1928. Loving mother to M (J), Mi and Ma (D)...Predeceased by her parents (Georges Bénard and Tekla Kathleen Swiderski) and by our dad, Gaston Dumais. Our mum was beautiful, elegant, and very intelligent. A diagnosis of dementia at age 83 was devastating. Her declining health was heartbreaking and she is now free from suffering and at peace. Mummy we love you and we will miss you terribly."
Since they never tried to contact me, I didn't get to provide my input. Today, on what would have been her 96th birthday, I add the following:
"My older siblings' sentiments were not shared by all, least of all myself. She was not beloved by me, nor was she a loving mother towards me. Madeleine was a narcissistic bitch who tore into shreds anyone who crossed her or displeased her in any way, which was never my siblings, but often myself.
Born into a disadvantaged family, she yearned for the lifestyle of the rich and powerful of Westmount QC. Bearing more than a passing resemblance to Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, she did her best to emphasize this look and emulate the behaviours; she tried to raise us as imitation Kennedys, to the extent that our family's middle-class finances could afford. Appearances mattered above all else, which other family members took to ducks like water. Me, not so much.
She was not well-educated but had an excellent mastery of both of Canada's official languages, loved to read, and was quite skilled at crossword puzzles, but that is where her 'intelligence' ended. While she portrayed class outwardly to strangers, she was often unkind to them behind their backs, to say the least.
I learned of her passing some years later when I happened upon her obituary online. My only reaction was "Finally, she's at peace".

A little back story, my sister is like a second mom to me. She always took care of me when I was younger, we had a little gap in our relationship once I reached my teenage years until I turned 22 I believe. She also helped me out a lot as an adult when I was doing bad, and helped with the kids, which I am very grateful for. I am doing 100% better financially and life wise thankfully and we grew very close. She comes over to my house daily and we chat. I love her very much. She is or was? My best friend.
On Friday, our mom had a gastric balloon inserted and the plan was that my sister will drive her to the hospital, and then she will drop mom off to stay with me and I will look after her for a week.
Unfortunately, or irresponsibly I kept postponing my oil change and drove 400 miles over and my plan was to get that done and a few other tasks on Friday before it was time to get kids from school and watch mom. Plans changed and my sister made an appointment on Friday at 10 AM and I had to go to the hospital and switch out with her. My mom and I left the hospital around 11:30 AM. I called my sister, asked her if she will be able to come keep mom’s company at 3, so I can get kids, change oil, and go get my bonus child “A” from an hour away. She told me no she cannot leave work, and I said ok. She asked me “why?” I answered and told her my to do list. She told me everything can be postponed till Saturday, and my husband can borrow her car and pick up “A” alone. I said “aww ok” she asked why do you wanna go anyways? I told her I enjoy it. She told me ok well u got a more important task which is take care of mom. I agreed and we hung up.
My mom overheard me mention my oil change. She said she was okay because of the strong meds and to go get it done because its bad for the car. I asked her are you sure? About three times before I turned away from the house and went to get it changed. Now, I know what I did was wrong. I should’ve just kept it to myself and drove us home. I was a bit stressed because of the over 400 miles and indeed could’ve waited till Saturday. I was selfish and very wrong for it and was unaware mom was being a mom.
My sister called me yelling and said angrily: “Where are you?! Ima come get mom! Screw my important work I’ll call in so u can go enjoy doing things” Me: “Take 5.” and she proceeded to yell at me extremely loudly bc I’m at Take 5 and about how selfish and unreliable I am. I asked her why is she talking to me like this? She said because I don’t want to watch our mom. I’m selfish, etc. I said to her that was not what happened and that I agreed to watch her and I have no issues. She accused me of gaslighting and that I am only watching her because she “blocked” all the excuses I had to not watch her by lending my husband her car for the long drive, and suggesting it can wait until Saturday. I said “that’s not what happened. You asked me why I was asking you to watch our mom.” (I thought I was talkin to a friend and told her whats on my mind..) Her “This is the first time I see a toxic trait from you!!” and kept interrupting me (the whole time yelling) “I’M NOT UR EFFIN HUSBAND I’M NOT GONNA GO IN CIRCLES WITH YOU. I’M ON MY WAY TO GET HER.” I said “ok I’ll see u” and we said bye then before hanging up she said in a disgusted tone “Gaslighting bich” I sent her the address and texted her that she was very mean.. She called me immediately yelling “You wanna fight?! I’ll fkin fight” and said many mean things yelling… I said “No. I’m not trying to” she kept going off and I repeated many Okay’s as I couldn’t let a sentence out.
The oil change was done, and I had to leave the area, so I called her to let her know. “Hey where are you? I just got done and left take 5” She started screaming at me even more “Are we playing games?!! I’m already effin here!“ Me: “I had to leave to the main road, Take 5 exit force-“ Her: “ ENOUGH WITH THE EXCUSES! COME BACK IMMEDIATELY! YOU SHOULD’VE CHECKED WITH ME BEFORE LEAVING.” Me: thats what I was doing… but no worries I am making a U-Turn, I literally just left.” She said many things and I just kept saying “ok” she called me disrespectful for saying many okays and hung up.
I immediately started crying because I felt so bad about myself. The whole time I was talking in a respectful tone and I felt so misunderstood.. she was not listening to me. Maybe I’m sensitive..I understand what I did was selfish, but I believe in effective communication and not attacking ppl.
Mother’s day comes up, she texts me abt a present at the door. She bought me a balloon and a teddy with flowers with a really sweet note. Mind you, I did not talk to her for almost two days. I was giving her space bc when I tried telling her she was mean to me she went off on me even more. I texted her thank u and cant wait for the day where we celebrate it together. (She wants to be a mom soon)
Monday, mom comes over and my sister calls her and finds out she is at my house. My sister called me and asked “why are you not talking to me?” I said because of Friday. The yelling and calling me gaslighter, toxic, b*ch really hurt my feelings. She yelled at me some more and said “after everything I’ve done for you, YOU cutting ME off?!! YOU?!” And listed a few major things she done for me and that she has a car seat in her car right now for whenever I needed help. Her: “WHO DOES THAT FOR SOMEONE? NOBODY!” Me: “I know you’re a great sister , bu-“ Her:“YOU UPSET WITH ME? WHAT U DID WAS WORSE! AWFUL AND SELFISH”
I couldn’t get a sentence out. She was crying, I was crying. I said please let me talk.. she said go ahead and right as I was starting my sentence she told me she wants nothing to do with me, or my kids. To not show up at her wedding or house or else cops will be called. Then blocked me.
I found out she forgot to block me on an app so I messaged her there but then she blocked me there too without reading any.
Yesterday, Friday, I was driving mom to DPS to get her D.L & sis called mom and asked her to put her on speaker. She indirectly was talking to me “Hey mom I think “M” is tryna come up with excuses to not show up, and using the cops as an excuse. She obviously has lots of grudges deep inside towards me bc no way all these feelings came out of nowhere. She is hateful inside.”
She said I have a victim mentality, and need serious mental help and that I knew she was all talk and sisters fight.
I responded: “I’m not used to being yelled at, disowned and blocked casually. Never happened before. Of course I took it seriously.”
Her: “Obviously I will not call the cops on u if u show up. There ya go. I did what I should do & invited u and ur welcomed but it makes no difference to me whether u show up or not bc now I know where I stand. What my “value” is to you. Obviously ur looking for a reason to not talk to me or show up to my wedding. Just know ur welcomed but idc if u come or not.”
I love her very much but my feelings were hurt badly.. She said I am unappreciative and “you know whats going on with me! I have many issues, the wedding, work/school, and just got my period!” then compared herself to my husband who yelled at me last week that “I kiss his a** and excuse him, but me, u dont excuse me and stopped talking to me for two days?”
Me: “that is not true bc my spouse and I didnt talk till he apolog-“
Her: u know that BS
Me: I always excuse yo-
Anywho she said “we will never go back to being close again.” and as a sister I am welcomed to the wedding. I said to her that I am too old to be yelled and screamed at like this, we’re not kids anymore. She said “Shame on u to say that. That’s exactly what a child would say. If you’re so mature you would’ve came and talked to me like an adult and let me know that you’re upset with me.”
Me: “that’s literally what I did and got screamed at and insulted, I gave you spa-”
Her: stop I’m not acknowledging what ur saying and ur not acknowledging what I’m saying so its best to not talk until you can comprehend what I’m saying. For tonight, lay in bed and put yourself in my shoes. Picture everything I’ve done for you and how you’re treating me.”
Me *sobbing: “BUT I ONLY DIDNT TALK TO YOU FOR TWOO DAYYYYSSS I WAS GIVING YOU SPACEEE YOU WERE YELLING ATT MEE. I SAID A COMMENT TO YOU AND YOU DIDNT TALK TO ME FOR TWO WEEKS AND I APOLOGIZED ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DA-“
Her: Yes and then I came over even cried and apologized for cutting you off for two weeks.”
Me: finishing my sentence I EXPRESSED TO YOU HOW YOU HURT MY FEELINGS U BLOCKED ME AND DISOWNED ME.”
Her: “Yes. and I apologize for calling u a gaslighting bi*ch.”
Me: U DIDNT.
Her “I am now! I just said I APOLOGIZE. And look at you I am talking to you all normal and look at you all yelling at me and I’m still cool and calm.”
Me: “ I WASNT YELLIN I AM SOBBING MY VOICE IS CRACKED IM CRYING AND MOM HAS YOU ON SPEAKER AND I AM DRIVING ON A HIGHWAY”
Her: “no u were yelling. Even ask “S” I have u on speaker she hears u right now. You have a victim mentality, bro. Seriously. If this is how u see it then u just got a victim mentality. I’m genuine ur sick u need that checked out thats very serious.” (S is my other sister, here for the wedding)
Me: “Idk maybe I do. All I know is this is how I feel. I’m very hurt.”
Her: “What broke me the most is that I got you a mother’s day present like an idiot and lost a part of my pride unknowingly while ur there upset. What? Ur waiting for me to come kiss ur a**?”
DetailsI said an insulting comment a few months ago. She spotted and I told her its abnormal and that preggos usually spot. I know she’s a virgin, and have no doubts. That’s why I said it is abnormal. She thought I was hinting she was pregnant, yelled at me and said “YOU THINK EVERYONE IS A WHRE LIKE YOU?!” and she didnt talk to me for two weeks. I cried and apologized to her many times at the time, but she was too angry. Which is why I thought in this current situation space would be a good idea because she seemed very angry at me, but I guess I was wrong.
I am losing my mind. I feel so wronged but she says I’m wrong?! She said I do not value or appreciate her bc I didnt let her know I was upset and that I purposely didn’t talk to her for two days? But when I said “it goes both ways! U do not value me u rather disown me and block me over-“
Her: “theres a big difference between u and me. I did a lot for u. We’re not the same.” Her: “go trauma bond with your husband over what I did and disrespect me together. Isn’t trauma bond the reason y’all together? You’re welcome”
WHAAAAT?!! HOW CAN I DISRESPECT MY SIS OR ALLOW MY HUSBAND TO DISRESPECT HER?!!
She was very angry that she bought me a mothers day present and said if she had known I was upset she wouldn’t have gotten me a teddy. I said “u didn’t know bc I’m the one that got yelled at..” she shut me up basically and said I am sick in the head and love to be a victim.. I’m so frustrated.
What should I do? I am very hurt but also don’t want to make it a bigger deal by not showing up. I felt like dirt.. I’m not a punching bag.. she doesnt yell at me often. Just this week.. Last week she yelled at me for parking her car wrong and I apologized then texted her and apologized some more bc she was furious and then she said its ok that she was just hungry… How is it my fault she’s hungry?
Do I show up to the wedding? Do I let our relationship die and just be casual sisters? Do I apologize to her for overreacting?
P.s. all the dashes are her cutting me off.
I wish it allowed me to upload screenshots of what I texted her

(Apologies for throwaway and any bad English, I’m Belgian)
For context, my ex and I were dating for 9 months and we only recently broke up as of a month ago now. My ex regularly tells me she loves me and I do so as well because those feelings honestly haven’t left me. We are both originally from Belgium but she left about 3 months ago for a job in Cologne, Germany. She has come back to Belgium last month after we had broken up for a college graduation and we were together the whole time. While she was here, she repeatedly said she loved me and was all over me.
We broke up because I have problems communicating how I feel during stressful situations. It was my decision but I regret it everyday. I have my final exams for college within a month and I believed it was only fair to her if we broke up/went on a break so she wouldn’t have to deal with me stressing and being upset. She didn’t want the break up because she loves me and wished I’d spoken to her about it but I don’t know how. During the break up, we continued to act like everything was the same (saying I love you, falling asleep on FaceTime every night etc..) but she started to mention a new coworker, Leon. Leon and her had started a friendship and by the way she spoke of him, I assumed she liked him. I asked her out of curiosity and she continued to deny it and say she loves me.
However, yesterday she said she has developed a crush on Leon and didn’t want to tell me. She told me this over FaceTime and I got upset that I was losing her. I didn’t tell her that but I promptly left and she pried how I felt out of me eventually. Every time I talk to her now it hurts because she still says she loves me and fell asleep with me on FaceTime last night as if everything was normal. I only want what is best for her and if she really wants this guy she should go for it but I can’t help but feel like my heart is crushing every time I talk to her. She hasn’t stopped talking to me at all and I’m due to visit her in Cologne after my exams. Should I cancel my flight and distance myself from her? I still love her so much and the idea of her with someone else kills me so is it better to stop talking to her? Thanks for reading.

im 17 (ill turn 18 in october) and i live in italy, where the salary of any job is pretty small unlike other countries, its impossible to find a very good job with good salary without a high education, even with that sometimes its not enough. but the problem is that even if you are going in a university you still have no money, 3 - 5 years of university and the only money that you have u receive them from your parents, i think thats ridiculous, yeah you could ask me "why you dont get a part-time job" yeah i can find a small job like waiter but i would loose precious time for earn two pennies instead of study and learn new skills. (i have a friend at uni that studies day and night and hasn t time for a little job). (also dont exclude a couple of years where you get experience like a stage, because without it companies don t look at you) Lets suppose i have a high education and i started to make 2k euros per month, how the fu- i m supposed to buy a new car and a house? it would me take an infinity. So i was asking myself, whats the best way to make money online? i heard a lot about dropshipping but i think that today there is too much competition here, i could learn trading but its soo risky. All i know is that i have a prepaid card and i am ready to learn and study any new skill (even if its hard) that would help me to get money

hi again. I ended up deleting the post in question because it was making me extra anxious, but I posted a combination vent/advice post talking about the extreme back pain I'd been having and how hard the decision to call 911 for help was on me. thank you to everyone here who supported and encouraged me, it means a lot.
lots of medical talk and some serious discussion of fainting from this point on, so read with caution if that's a trigger for you.
so, I've now been in the emergency room for 2 days ( I think? had a major panic attack which felt like it removed a whole day from my mind) as they haven't had a spare bed to actually admit me to the hospital properly. but since I've been here, they've done a lot for my pain and I've had tons of tests.
having to be in the hospital is absolutely fucking miserable for obvious reasons, but I am glad I called for help. my pain was extreme and I started considering 911 because I'd spent an entire day without being able to eat or drink because I just couldn't stand. I hate what agoraphobia does to you. I couldn't fucking feed myself and could hardly make it to the bathroom, but the sheer fear of leaving my apartment really had me trying to just... not seek help. I hate this fucking disorder. it's like a prison.
anyway, I'd been told before I probably had a herniated disc, but that's not the case. so I'm very glad I came. I got a CT scan and they've discovered an approximately 10 inch long teratoma inside me. it's either next to or sprouting off my ovary and is pressing against my spine and my intestines mostly. haven't had bathroom issues thankfully, but can't say the back pain is really any better.
guys, when I say this shit was shocking to see, I'm not exaggerating. I wish I had asked for a copy of my CT scan. imagine a diagram of a human being, and inside there is an football shaped mass shoved against the spine. fucking horrifying. it is a relief to know what's going on, but because of the sheer size of this thing and the fact I'm now completely unable to get up or stand on my own, my doctor told me "you're not leaving the hospital with this still inside you" and is aiming to schedule me for surgery this weekend. she said Monday was also a possibility but was aiming for earlier.
this will be my first time having major surgery in my entire life (I'm 25!) and i don't have any of my coping objects like my plushies or my fidget toys, all I have is my phone.
also, they don't know for sure if the thing is a teratoma actually, but two doctors who've examined the scans in different ways suspect it is. they also just took a crap ton of blood from me to do some testing for cancer a couple of hours ago. cancer is still an option that's on the table.
I'm. exhausted. i'm not even as upset over the possibilities as I can be anymore, and I think that's because the night I arrived was the first time in my entire life I experienced 10/10 pain and spent probably several hours uncontrollably sobbing. they couldn't keep me in a bed forever simply because the ER didn't have enough, and sitting in a chair is the most painful position possible for me, and I couldn't stop sobbing because I was just in so much pain... even after they gave me some heavy pain meds and muscle relaxers...
I came very close to passing out because it hurt to breathe. I am appreciative for being in the hospital because the staff has helped me a lot obviously, but GOD I wish ANYONE could've listened when I was BEGGING for help to breathe. it kept going like:
me: gasping and leaning over nearly fainting PLEASE HELP ME BREATHE I CAN'T FEEL MY LIMBS
staff: yeah, that's because you're breathing really shallowly
me: PLEASE HELP ME BREATHE
staff: take a deep breath in
me: takes a shallow shaky breath in. sputters out. literally forgets to breathe multiple times and accidentally holds my breath and gasps out in pain
staff: yeah just like that
three different. staff members did this to me. and also one nurse tried to give me a call button on a cord, I told him audibly I couldn't move or feel my hands, he shoved it awkwardly in my unmoving fingers and I of course instantly dropped it as he walked away. he came back to check on me and seemed surprised that happened. so that part wasn't ideal. I can't remember well but I think the only thing that stopped my panic was just becoming too exhausted to shout in pain any more. fucking horrific experience.
lol and shout out to the person in the next emergency room seat over from me, who literally raised her voice at me to be quieter and be respectful of other people. and then repeatedly loudly complained to nurses about how loud I was. nurses didn't really give her the time of day about that one, at least. each one put on their "I'm going to be polite but you're an idiot" voice.
everything else has been okayish though. I'm now in a bed again since I think that amount of pained screaming made them realize I need to be in one. im. as okay as an emergency hospital trip for an agoraphobic can be. I ate a hospital cheeseburger that was surprisingly good.
so, how's everybody else's weekend plans?

im 17 (ill turn 18 in october) and i live in italy, where the salary of any job is pretty small unlike other countries, its impossible to find a very good job with good salary without a high education, even with that sometimes its not enough. but the problem is that even if you are going in a university you still have no money, 3 - 5 years of university and the only money that you have u receive them from your parents, i think thats ridiculous, yeah you could ask me "why you dont get a part-time job" yeah i can find a small job like waiter but i would loose precious time for earn two pennies instead of study and learn new skills. (i have a friend at uni that studies day and night and hasn t time for a little job). (also dont exclude a couple of years where you get experience like a stage, because without it companies don t look at you) Lets suppose i have a high education and i started to make 2k euros per month, how the fu- i m supposed to buy a new car and a house? it would me take an infinity. So i was asking myself, whats the best way to make money online? i heard a lot about dropshipping but i think that today there is too much competition here, i could learn trading but its soo risky. All i know is that i have a prepaid card and i am ready to learn and study any new skill (even if its hard) that would help me to get money

Question of the century, I know.
I have a problem at my current job where there are long periods of silence, sitting at the computer. A lot of repressed, bad memories of being treated poorly by others have made their way back to me.
I start thinking of ways I should have done things and how I will handle situations like those in the future, but not in good ways (nothing criminal LOL, just how I should have stuck up for myself in ways that definitely would have made me a worse person). Essentially dumb, childish crap, similar to making witty comebacks in the shower six hours after the argument happened.
Currently, I just want to let it go; to do what Jesus did when he was mocked, scourged, flogged, and then ultimately murdered when he was innocent. I keep telling myself I have a good life, an amazing spouse who has always ensured my happiness, and best of all, a God who loves me dearly and certainly wants to ensure my anger doesn't dissolve into self-destructiveness.
I believe my brain doesn't want the wrongs to be righted, it wants revenge, to make those who inflicted feel the same pain they inflicted on me. My mind, on the other hand, is hitting itself with the above reminders.
What are good ways you've learned to forgive those who've wronged you and never made it up? These thoughts are heavily intrusive and I try not to think about them, but I sometimes get swept up in my own mind. It embarrasses me to even have to post this, but maybe I'm not alone.

I love Warframe, and I think it's the best looter shooter out there. It's one of the few free to play games where I've gladly spent money and the one I've played the longest by far (300+ hours, which may not be a lot for some, but it is for me).
My problem is, even if I want and often think about playing the game, I just don't know what to do. Feels like I've achieved everything that kept me engaged since he beginning, and that there's no point in grinding now.
I'm MR 15, finished the star chart, completed every big story quest, have a build strong enough for steel path (yet I can't bring myself to actually completing it), grinded for incarnons, grinded for archon shards... And now, what? I've had a lot of fun with the game, I want to keep having fun with the game, but just grinding mastery and standing or for things that I'm not going to use just ain't it.
The only thing I regret in regards to my progression is having started my own clan way back at the start, since I didn't know it was best as a new player to join an stablished one and buying everything there. I stuck with mine as I started with a friend, so while it took longer to get some things, I eventually got there, even if it made my overall grinding slower. I'm not sure if having to wait for so long and having to gather and spend that many resources impacted my overall enjoyment
Hell, if any of you can convince me to go and do steel path, I'll do it, I just want the game to feel rewarding again.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Scaredoflove11
Rebuttal by u/Roeapparently
AITA for asking my friends what flavor their wedding cake is?
Originally posted to AmItheAsshole
Thanks to u/czechtheboxes & u/USMCLee for suggesting this BoRU
Original Post May 11, 2024
I (22f) am in the wedding party of my friends we will call Em(25f) and Roe(25m) who will be getting married in about 2 months. I have been really excited for the wedding since it'll be an opportunity for all the friends from college to get together for the first time in 2 years. Not to mention Em and Roe are my best friends, or at least I thought they were.
We have a discord for all the wedding stuff and they have a channel about food. They've been really good about being open about the food they intend to have at the reception including vegan/vegitarian/gluten free options for everyone and answering questions so I didn't think there would be any contention if I asked a question.
Anyway, about 4 days ago I posted a message into the discord asking "Hey, what flavor is the cake gonna be? I wanna mentally prepare myself lol." I think looking back my choice of extra words is what caused all this, but I meant it in the sense that I have a long documented dislike of chocolate flavored foods like cake or ice cream. So I added it in the event the cake was chocolate.
I recieved a private message back that the cake would be chocolate and that if I had a problem with it then I could "shove it" cause it was their wedding not mine. And i felt really taken aback by this response.
Never did I mention that I would have been upset and I certainly wouldn't have put up a stink about it. Its exactly like Em had said, it's their wedding. I explained as much and tried to apologize for any offending I did but she got even more defensive and started basically blasting me for implying that she was offended and I was just left overall very confused.
I gave it two days before I tried to apologize again and smooth it over figuring she may have just been having a bad day but I got shut down again telling me she didn't need my apology cause nothing was wrong and I needed time stop trying to make it seem like shit was wrong between us and to just drop it.
I texted Roe to see if I could gauge what was going on since he and I have always had an open dialogue about things like this but he basically just told me he couldn't talk to me right now and I have to imagine its cause Em told him not to.
Its been 2 days since then and I'm just really confused. This whole thing has made me want to drop out of the wedding party and honestly not go at all. I wish Roe would talk to me and Em would be honest. I can't help but think maybe I just don't get how stressful planning a wedding is and like maybe theyve gotten pushback from other people on other things and somehow its being taken out on me? Or is it really a big no no to ask stuff like this? I don't know? This is the first wedding i'll have ever gone to, so am I the asshole?
VERDICT: ASSHOLE
In the comments "Roe" appears
Roe is u/Roeapparently
Here May 11, 2024
Hey Izzy. Not surprised you didn’t share the whole story. You never do. Just like last year’s surprise party for Em (tldr: Izzy here spoiled the surprise and tried to claim my present was hers).
I’m “Roe”, the groom to be. I don’t do Reddit, but my best man does and frequents this thread. He saw this post and it was so obvious it’s you. This whole cake thing did happen but it is NOT the whole story and did NOT go the way Izzy claims.
First off, cake was not her only complaint. You refused to have a joint bachelobachelorette dinner cause “I have poor taste”, you said my suit was tacky cause I wanted white and not traditional black, you whined about the bridesmaids dresses being purple cause you wanted Ivory. Any decision we’ve made there’s ALWAYS a complaint. And Em has done nothing but be patient and try and find common ground. She should not have to change her wedding choices for you.
Second, we NEVER told you to “shove it”. Em only messaged you privately because she was tired of having to argue in the group chat. Everyone else is tired of your bullshit too so we didn’t want to bother them with it. It’s a cake. Eat it or don’t.
You have hated me ever since I joined the friend group. And that’s fine! But you will NOT ruin Em’s day because of your pettiness. If you care about her, then honor her decisions. Of COURSE Em is different! Cause she grew tf up! All of us did except you! My god you’re fucking 22, stop acting like a spoiled teenager, chocolate cake will not kill you (btw asshole I’m 26 not 25, pay attention). I wasn’t angry about this until you decided to go to the internet for pity. It’s pathetic and immature.
For the record, Em double checked my response. She signed off on it. Get it together.
OOP

Its pathetic and immature to anonymously post asking for advice on Reddit but you coming here starting shit and posting my real name isn't? Okay, Marcus, since we're not hiding anymore how does it feel to have your shit aired for real? Here's how I KNOW Em didn't sign off, becuase she never would have agreed to using my real name.
You're just trying to get me upset at her too. She's my best friend, and I should have known you'd do this. You always try to manipulate us into being mad at each other. Case in point when I had planned this really awesome dinner for just her and I and you had to plan her suprise party for the same day. I just wanted alone time with my best friend but you couldn't wait one day for the party.
Em has known me far longer than you, and no offense, I'm sure I know her better than you do. But I've kept my mouth shut because I love her and just want her to be happy.
I complain about everything? Then how come I've never said anything about the hundreds of times you've made Em cancel plans with me to go hang out with you? I just wanted my bff to spend a little time with me. We're not allowed to have sleepovers anymore cause it "makes you uncomfy" or take a girls trip for the weekend because "too expensive". Sorry you can't take care of her like I can. Some of us can afford rent. Clearly this was never about the cake and more so about you hating me. I was fine when you joined the friend group, but you clearly weren't fine with mine and Ems relationship. You've been the same towards some of her other friends who I'm sure would agree.
Get a life Marcus. Stop trying to take mine.

Roeapparently

She was fine using your name. You brought this to the internet, not us. If you didn't want this attention, don't post.
The plan was for you to distract her while we setup the party by taking her to a movie, not going to the movies then taking her to dinner and TELLING HER OF THE PARTY. We waited hours expecting y'all to be back.
I have never once made Em cancel. She always did that on her own, and not frequently at all. You have had plenty of time alone with her. Just because she spends time with me too doesn't mean I'm forcing her to. And yes, a trip to multiple countries across Europe is very much too expensive. We already live paycheck to paycheck, which you know. I know money isn't a concern for you but it very much is for us. Not all of us have apartments paid for by dad.
Nobody else seems to think the same things about me, and if I'm wrong I will gladly listen and change. But that requires communication directly, not anonymous Reddit posts. You may have known her longer, but you clearly don't know Em well. You fail to see how miserable your comments and attitude have made her these past few months. For her sake, knock it off.

OOP

"Paid by daddy" real mature asshole. You know I work hard like everyone else. Its not my fault my parents made better decisions than yours and can actually help their kids. And of course I wasn't just gonna take her to the movies on her birthday a rouse or not it was still her birthday and shes my friend and I love her and wanted her to an actually decent meal other than the shitty pizza you bought for her.
Also yeah maybe you didn't tell Em to cancel, but knowingly asking for plans when we had them is basically the same thing. Before you, she was fine. She had everything she needed. And for all of you in the comments saying I have a crush or want to fuck Em, you're delusional and know nothing about me. We're best friends. I love her. She loves me. Not my fault we have natural chemistry that everyone over the internet can feel. But its not like that.
Marcus you're an asshole. You've been an asshole since day one. Just admit you're not the guy who can give her what she needs and move the fuck on and leave us alone.

~
MHH370

Hey u/Scaredoflove11 did you really make a fuss because you wanted the bridemaid's dress to be ivory instead of purple?

Also u/Roeapparently did you really make your fiance cancel sleepovers because it made you uncomfortable?

Roeapparently

No. I never made Em cancel anything. I'm fine with her having sleepovers. Izzy wanted to do it at our apartment and kept begging Em to have me sleep on the couch so I wouldn't ruin "girls night". For the record, Em shut it down not me. She's capable of making her own decisions, I trust her to set her boundaries. If I came off as uncomfortable, Izzy never mentioned it till now

ImissBagels

Does Em even still want Izzy there? Because Izzy is sounding more and more unhinged. How did she try to steal your bday present to Izzy?

Roeapparently

Em still wants Izzy there. they've been friends for years. I won't make her kick her out, but I'm starting to reach the point where I want it. And no she didn't steal it. She claimed she purchased the gift cause "i was too poor to afford it". It was a rather expensive purse Em eyed once while shopping but couldn't get at the time, so I saved for it.

FINAL COMMENT BY u/Roeapparently

You're proving my point. I'm not gonna argue over Reddit anymore over this, especially if you're gonna talk about my parents like that when you know full well why they aren't rich. Either message us in private or drop it all together. If this is how you really feel, don't bother coming to the wedding.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
**DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS

First I am aware, of course not to the degree of someone who has it, how much suffering autism causes in daily life, how misunderstood it is and how ruthless many people treat those with this condition. I myself would never wish to have it.
Many of the best people I wrote with had autism. They automatically treat me as someone not in the social hierarchy, if they are good hearted as an equal, just like I treat them. It creates a very special relationship with no ego dynamics stupid games, insecurity etc...
The reality is people with autism are not the problem, it's how other people perceive them. It's the insecurity of the normy that is the problem. For me someone who behaves like someone outside of the social hierarchy and speaks to everyone in the same way is beautiful. This is litellary an alpha trait. I myself fight to stay mentally outside of these stupid hierarchies. They see someone not masking as a challenge to authority for example, it's evil.
Some with autism like me, are not enslaved by the spell of society and intellectually venture beyond it's chains. This makes them one of the last bastions of intellectual resistance against the oppressive forces of society.
If you as someone with autism, meet a person who has self esteem, and is secure in themselves and especially loves God. He/She will have 0 moral or social hierarchical problems with you. The problem is that the vast majority of people aren't like that.

So basically I’m in the prefectorial board in my school and sec 3 but I am not one of the outstanding prefects (eg would definitely get head prefect kind) so recently we had the results of the new roles in our PB and i got a project comm vice head. Basically the hierarchy of the pb goes in this order - head and vice Ps, head of committees (discipline welfare etc), head of project comms (camps prom night etc) and vice head of thenproj comms. So i got vice head of the project comm which is basically the lowest tier. The other vice head is a newly elected which basically makes me feel even worse about myself because if i joined this year too I could’ve easily gotten that role and i basically wasted one year trying my best. I feel so dejected and disappointed even though it’s a really small thing. And I’m very sure it’s because of a situation that happened in march where my friend tried to cut the queue in front of me and asked me if she could but i said she couldn’t today but an exco member was behind me and heard everything. By saying today she thought i let her cut everyday so I felt so wronged. I found out about this because my senior is her friend. I feel like I should be disappointed because I was the only member who retained in the welfare comm and other batchmates transferred there and became the head when i felt like i would have more experience . Either ways i feel like it’s so rigged and unfair to me cus eventually I didn’t let the girl cut in front me. They are so petty and I’m so annoyed and disappointed idk how to deal with this anymore I don’t even feel like doing the duties anymore

So I am in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend lives across the country in a different state and we are two timezones apart. My girlfriend is my whole world. She’s loving, supportive, caring, etc. We have a great relationship and I’ve truly never been happier.
I have a great social life. I am always hanging out with other people. I am always texting my friends here and in other states. I send probably well over 200 text messages a day and on days I don’t work maybe up to 500. I’d say half of those are to my girlfriend and the other half are to my friends who I’ve met playing football, hockey, and other sports throughout my life. Maybe a couple texts here and there with my old coworkers. I’m not completely restricted to men in my social life though. I actually get along with a lot of women great and consider some women to be all time best friends that I’ve made at work.
Let me just say another thing too, my current girlfriend 100% trusts me. She actually has made it clear she didn’t mind if I hang out with other girls 1 on 1 as long as I tell her about it. But this is something that I’ve always felt in past relationships too: I feel dirty if I’m hanging out with other girls 1 on 1. It feels like micro cheating in a sense. A few times I’ve been offered to go out with coworkers after we get out of work (I work at a country club in the restaurant) and get Chipotle or something and I don’t really have the mental energy to do this for a couple reasons. Mainly being, I do not want to hang out with women my age, especially ones who are single. I already have a gajillion friends from the state I’m originally from that are men who I want to hang out with, socialize with on the phone (FaceTime, iMessage, Discord). But having a friendship with a single woman right now pretty much contributes no value to my life. I truly don’t think any of them are after me (I can say with 100% confidence I am NOT an attractive individual), but still.
This goes with texting too. There’s nothing wrong with a genuine catching up text with old coworkers but I will not text a friend that’s a girl frequently out of respect for my girlfriend. If I do need something from someone, it’s a quick message or call. 7-9 texts back and forth is about as lengthy as it’ll get. The coworkers I actually have become really good friends with of that caliber are usually married women that are slightly older than me (25-29), and those are the ones I’ll sometimes reach out to but won’t have frequent conversations with them. And I think I get along great with those ones because I know they have husbands but they’re also old enough to where they feel like older sisters to me more than anything else.
The reason I bring this up is because a couple of times, I’ve had two girls in the past year I’ve known from high school (with no history of dating/sexual encounters between us) ask to meet up for coffee when they found out I lived here since I’m in a new state. I tell them I’m just busy with work, but in reality, I do not want to hang out 1 on 1 with a member of the opposite sex while I’m in a 8 month committed relationship. I know they’re not trying to get into my pants, but I still won’t do it. Am I mental or is carrying myself this way respectable?

So I've been into these systems for three years now, but I've recently come to doubt my whole typology. I'm not going to say what I've been typed as before though, because I'd like to avoid bias. It'd be cool if you tried to type me in other systems as well, such as Enneagram, Socionics, Psychosophy/Attitudinal Psyche, Big 5, Temperaments, Jungian...

1. I'm a very closed off person who needs a lot of time to recharge since people wear me out, but I've been told I come across as a highly energetic, hardworking and overall as an inspiring and determined person. For instance, I always strive for the best, even if that means sacrificing my comfort (like going to one of the best universities in my country even if it's like over 100 km from home and I have to wake up at 5 AM everyday), and I'm always passionate about pursuing something to improve myself, because I'd hate to feel like I'm wasting time lazing around.
   
2. People see me as someone responsible to rely on, they have told me I'm a good listener and understand them well, I give honest advice while also taking into consideration their feelings and reactions (I don't want to come across as offensive and insensitive), and in general I like giving a good impression. I mean, I can't stand fake people, but I still feel it's important to portray yourself in a good light. I think you must treat others the same way you'd like to be treated, that is, with respect (but, of course, if they cross me, I'll act spiteful towards them, since that's what they deserve).
   
3. Despite trying to be reasonable at all times and doing my best not to come across as overly emotional, I'm very anxious and tend to catastrophize, so while it's not usual, when it happens, my outbursts are strong. Then, I feel like trash after it all happens, since I perceive it as me having made a fool of myself. My feelings tend to escalate quickly, and sometimes due to something that it's not THAT important, so it's helpful to have someone slow me down and help me see the big picture. I can also be too straightforward as well, to the point that I sometimes end up being reckless. For example, there has been multiple times where I suddenly felt the urge to insult someone because they did something that offended me; in those cases I fortunately had a friend to shut me up and distract me from it because they know I might not be able to wait until they're out of sight to complain about them.
   
4. While at a distance I might seem intimidating and stern, people close to me see me as innerly soft, sensitive and pretty much a romantic prone to sentimentality. I've always had a hard time with processing emotions, because since I was a kid I've been taught "emotions are for the weak", so I tried to repress them. It wasn't until I discovered my passion for poetry that I finally learned to come into contact with them and understand them without shame. Currently, I feel like I have an easier time expressing myself and I'm not as repelled of my own feelings like I was in the past... Many people have actually told me, to my surprise, that my face is amusingly expressive, like I'm transparent even if I try my best to hide myself from the world. That said, I communicate my feelings through poems, so while I'd like the other person to take the initiative in this regard, I'll try to reciprocate it my way.
   
5. However, I can also be quite passive and insecure when I feel oppressed and vulnerable in my environment (I feel like the whole world is against me in such circumstances), so I tend to walk on eggshells most of the time just in case. I'd say I'm mostly awkward, and I never know how to interact with my surroundings properly. If I've done it well, it's likely that I've just been lucky. This has led me to be isolated most of my life, and despite the fact that I currently have some connections with people, I feel like it's still not enough. I'm very private, secretive, and harbour trust issues; but I also crave intense connection with people I've taken a liking to (after a long time assessing if they're trustful enough for me to grow attached to them, since I place a lot of value on loyalty and suffer a lot when those close to me suddenly disappear from my life). I'm really compassionate with others, so some people have taken advantage of my kindness to then stab me in the back when I least expected it, which has made me become outwardly distant and unapproachable through the years (when the truth is that I'm just terrified of people). I've always had this impulse to help and protect those in need when they couldn't stand up for themselves, so it's curious how much compassion I could feel for others when I couldn't feel it for myself. Anyway, I still hold those around me to high standards, which I apply to myself as well.
   
6. On the other hand, I place a lot of value to my appearance too. Like poetry, my own style is a way to express who I am as a person, and I can't understand nor find myself attracted to people who don't care at all regarding this part of themselves... It's as if they're neglecting one of the most important ways to make themselves appealing to both themselves and others. For me, it's also a way to feel better about myself, since the attractiveness and health of the body is just as important as that of the mind.
   
7. Now, I suck at everything related to numbers or economics. They're so boring and uninteresting to me that my brain shuts down when something related to it comes up (I already suffer enough in law school whenever I'm forced to do subjects involving financial law or the like). I've always been more drawn to humanitarian subjects like languages, literature...
   
8. I'm highly impatient (I get easily frustrated when something doesn't go my way like "it's supposed to", and I can grow envious and resentful towards someone that did it better than me), irritable (I'm peaceful until something or someone crosses me), and pessimistic (if something remotely bad happens, then that means it's all doomed to fail). I can be intolerant as well, easily despising someone others might be indifferent to, and I've been told to be impulsive too when I fail to guard myself from what makes me react aggressively either to others or myself. In addition, I cannot deal with people that are too aloof to descifer, like it's obvious they're keeping something from me, but they will lie and tell me "it's okay" while it's obvious that it's not, and their facial expressions are so dull that I won't even be able to extract the minimum out of them. In such circumstances I might flare up to try to get them out of their shell in order to know whatever they're hiding away from me; but that typically ends up driving them away from me further (which pisses me off to no end). I like straightforward people who are not cowards and will make things clear from the beginning, even if it hurts.
   
9. Regarding my mannerisms, they're mostly stiff, instead of smooth or soft. As I said, I come across as energetic even if I slept 4 hours that day, I walk and talk VERY quickly (people who speak and move slowly get on my nerves), and I can be very expressive and loud if I'm feeling comfortable enough with the person I'm with (I can even look extroverted next to my quieter friends). I also don't have any shame at all when it comes to myself; I can talk about anything weird or rant about my nerdy interests and creepy fixations to the point of becoming obnoxious without giving a damn about the reaction of the other person. I may even enjoy making the other person embarrassed and teasing them, since it's hilarious. Fortunately, I'm good at eliciting interest in others, so oftentimes I can drag them into the abyss of my obsessions and teach them all about it.
   
10. Aside from poetry, my other interests are varied. For instance, I also love reading old books, writing stories, creating original characters and researching whichever area of interest I'm into at the moment. I like to maintain an active lifestyle too. In the future, I strive to become financially successful (that's why I'm in a career that is going to bring me a lot of opportunities), independent, and travel and learn as much as I can to improve both myself and my talents. I'm overall a very individualistic person, but I'd like to meet more people who align with my values as well; without at least someone by my side with whom I can share myself I become depressed.
    

I'd appreciate it if someone is willing to try to type me via chat too, if that's more comfortable for you.

So I run a fitness channel on tiktok and other social media sites. Where I talk about fitness, share workouts, meals, recipes and discuss the importance of mental health.
On my personal channel I share random things in my everyday life and occasionally post exjw related content, but never go in to detail on a lot mental health concerns. So I'm not sure which channel I want to make this for. Anyway, here's the script.
:I walk in from the gym. Bag in hand and put my keys up:
:Dad walks in from the kitchen to the living room:
Me: Hey Dad.
Dad: Hey. Where were you? :looks at wrist: it's like., 6 o-clock, you were suppose to be home from work 2 hours ago.
Me: Yeah, work kept me a little late and then I hit the gym. :smiles: Got in a good workout though. :flexes arm:
Dad: You went to the gym? :looks at me weirdly: You ain't getting big. Where are you really going for an hour?
Me: :confused: I'm at the gym? I'm not getting big, because that's not my goal.
Dad: :gets angry and walks over, getting in my face: Don't get all cocky and disrespectful with me! Give me your phone!
Me: :back is now agianst the door: The phone I pay for? Why? :hands phone over:
Dad: I just wanna look at it. I'm thinking about getting myself one like it. :taps and swipes through phone: Who's Jordan?
Me: :more confused: A guy I met at the circuit assembly.
Dad: Really? What's his last name?
Me: :starts to answer:
Dad: Who's his family? What are his interests? What hall does he go to? What's his favorite food? Is he married? :snaps fingers: Come on! You oughtta know this stuff!
Me: :defeated: I don't. We didn't get a lot of time to talk.
Dad: Well, I guess you don't really know him as a friend, then, huh?
Me: :visibly upset and depressed: I guess not. :reaches for phone:
Dad: :pulls phone back: Why you want it back so badly? Got something on here you're hidin'?
Me: No. I just want my phone back.
Dad: :angry agian: Well how about I just hold on to it until you learn to not be so disrespectful? Your under my roof, my rules. I pay most of the bills around here. By the way, I need money for the electric bill. Can I borrow $300?
Hope you guys find some measure of comfort in knowing you're not the only one in the world going through hell because of this God-Forsaken Cult. I would, however, appreciate any critiques and suggested improvements. Still not sure which channel to post it too, so I'm open for suggestions.

A friend has been accused of transphobia, at work. He’s come to me asking about the topic and sounding genuinely open to learning.
My kid is trans (non-binary), I’m guessing that is part of why. We also know quite a few other trans and gender-queer kids.
AND I am in no way a gender educator. I advocate for my kid. I try to educate myself but this is the first time someone has come asking me for help in this way.
I’m wondering if you all could point me at some resources to up-skill myself and or that I can share with him, to help him on his journey?
Be gentle, please. I’m feeling nervous as this is such a big, important topic and I really want to do my best in the little window of time I’ve got.

Never thought I'd be throwing myself out there at 36 but here we are.
Am I cute? No. Do I have a nice personality? Also, no.
Looking for someone to share a Netflix account and a fifty-piece McNuggets with.
I spend a lot more time than I’m willing to admit thinking about, at what point, does warm bread become toast.
I'm not looking to get anything particular out of this post. Just trying to connect with people and go with the flow. Do we become best friends? Lovers? Mortal Enemies? Mortal Frenemies? There's only one way to find out...
https://imgur.com/a/me-cOgpAaq

I am trying to get back into bass after not playing for a long time and would classify myself as a lower-end intermediate.
Currently I am trying to master the intro of "Time is Running Out" by Muse as seen here:
https://imgur.com/a/dXFKXQZ
But I can't quite figure out how to finger it. Strictly alternating (two fingers) feels super awkward to me. But when I rake - which feels more natural to me - I tend to end up with starting the whole section with alternating fingers (index finger on the first run through, middle finger on the repeat). That is also awkward since it changes everything up completely on every repeat.
I tried going through it super slowly but I cannot quite figure out the best approach.
How would you handle it?

I am trying to get back into bass after not playing for a long time and would classify myself as a lower-end intermediate.
Currently I am trying to master the intro of "Time is Running Out" by Muse as seen here:
https://imgur.com/a/dXFKXQZ
But I can't quite figure out how to finger it. Strictly alternating (two fingers) feels super awkward to me. But when I rake - which feels more natural to me - I tend to end up with starting the whole section with alternating fingers (index finger on the first run through, middle finger on the repeat). That is also awkward since it changes everything up completely on every repeat.
I tried going through it super slowly but I cannot quite figure out the best approach.
How would you handle it?

I mainly use final cut pro and another editor on my project uses premiere. I have premiere and am capable of using it. I've always heard premiere is the go to choice for collaboration.
What confuses me is we both have creative cloud but it still seems the best option is to email the project file and I relink the footage myself (since we both have all shots of any given project) this isnt an issue but seems off
My questions are this 1) am I doing something the wrong way? 2) if this is the right way to share premiere projects what is the advantage of this vs doing the exact same thing in FCP? Where is the advantage of premiere that everyone keeps talking about?
I really think I must be missing something since im more of a less experienced editor