Honor Violence: And why nobody should demand respect

Honor violence is a sort of violence committed where the perpetrator's goal is to regain his tribe's honor, his family's honor, and his own honor. In most cases it’s planned by a family, and committed by one or more men of that family, to a woman of the family who has done or suspected to have done something against cultural or religious norms like rejecting an arranged marriage, or adopting a Western lifestyle. What's worse is that the family helps the perpetrators avoid justice by helping them flee the country. It’s a huge problem in Islamic communities[1], among others, and it’s something that doesn’t exist at all in so many other communities.
Now before I talk about the kind of thinking that is causing these behaviors, I want to clarify some things. First of all, Islam, at least according to the Quran, does not advocate honor violence. Second, honor violence is a tradition that existed in the deserts of today's Saudi Arabia long before Islam. Third, Arab Muslims spread Islam along with their traditions (including honor violence) to a huge proportion of the world (although, I don't doubt that other cultures already had the tradition of honor violence).
What kind of thinking causes a person to commit honor violence?
There are three flaws to discuss here. The main flaw is violent intolerance of dissenters -- the idea that it's best for a person to initiate violence on another person because he has dissenting ideas or actions. A second flaw is the idea that a person's social status is important and should be sought after and preserved. And a third flaw is that a person's social status should be, in any way, linked with his family's, and tribe's social status. An important thing to note here is that these flaws are connected. To clarify, I'm not talking about which flaw is more or less to blame for a person committing honor violence. What I'm talking about is that all of these flaws must be there, in order for a person to think it's best for him to commit honor violence (i.e. for him to want to commit honor violence).
The least bad of these flaws can be explained by answering the question, why do some people care about having respect from their peers? What's the point of it? What problem is it intended to solve? One way to approach this problem is to think about why some people get offended. Consider that when somebody perceives that he has been disrespected, he gets offended, and he may respond in a way to regain respect.
Fallibility and first impressions
One problem with thinking in terms of being respected, is that people are often wrong in their interpretations of other people’s actions and intentions. Often people perceive that they’ve been disrespected, when the person had no intention of disrespecting anybody. Most of the time it’s a case of jumping to conclusions. In other words, the person is not thinking terms of innocent until proven guilty. The thing is that we’re all fallible, meaning that it’s possible, and very common, that we are wrong about our ideas. But a lot of people are not familiar with the idea of checking for other possible interpretations and critically questioning them as a means of avoiding jumping to conclusions, as a means of finding the correct interpretation.
One common first interpretation that people make is that someone wants to hurt them, or to make them lose in some way. But this is a bad way to think about people’s actions because some people don’t want to hurt anyone or make anyone lose anything. So assuming that there is always malicious intent is a mistake because it ignores all the cases where there isn’t malicious intent. So it's not giving the person the benefit of the doubt.
This way of thinking, of always assuming that there is malicious intent, sees human interactions as win/lose. But this is a mistake. It’s entirely possible, and desirable, for human interactions to be win/win, for everybody to get what they want and nobody loses anything they want -- there is no law of nature preventing it from happening.[2] This is a special case of the idea that 'all problems are soluble'.[3]
So the better way to think about human interactions is that win/win situations are possible, where the people involved share the same primary goal of everybody winning, of everybody getting what they want. Now it is true that sometimes a person is trying to make you lose something, or otherwise hurt you, so it’s important to try to look out for this as a means of protecting yourself from harm.
One common misinterpretation people make is to treat a criticism of an idea or an action as a personal attack. But this is a mistake because a criticism is an explanation of a flaw in an idea, so criticizing the idea does not make the holder of the idea lose anything. In fact, criticism helps a person go from wrong to right. It helps him change his mind. It helps him find the truth, which is a great thing! So why perceive it as an attack? The person loses nothing. He only stands to gain (the truth!).
So consider a situation where you're presented with a criticism of your idea. If you agree with it, you stand to gain the truth, and if you disagree with it, you stand to lose nothing. So with criticism you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. So giving and receiving criticism is win/win.
Some common responses people make to criticism is to say "that hurts my feelings," "I'm offended by that," and "that's insulting!" These people respond in this way to communicate that the other person is wrong in some way. But that's not a valid argument -- it's not objective. A person's feelings can't be used as a standard for judging the truth. What's needed is an explanation, one that doesn't depend on a person's feelings. And on a related note, if your feelings are hurt by the truth, then what you can do is ignore the truth (not something I advise), or you can change your feelings about the truth. But what you shouldn't be doing is pressuring people to hide the truth.
Now some people mistake personal attacks for criticism. But calling somebody stupid because he believes an idea does not constitute a criticism. It’s not an explanation of a flaw in an idea. Instead it's an attack on the holder of the idea. And it’s designed for only one purpose, to hurt. People who make personal attacks instead of arguments see human interactions as win/lose. And this is where the idea of respect comes in. The personal attacks are about disrespecting the person. But why would anybody want to do that? What’s the point? What problem does it solve?
Truth-seeking vs Status-seeking
Something closely connected to the win/lose attitude is the status-seeking attitude. People with this attitude think in terms of people having social status, and getting more of it, or keeping the amount they currently have, is something they want. So if a person with the status-seeking attitude tries to disrespect another person, they perceive it as raising their own status while necessarily lowering the other person’s status, hence win/lose. The rest of us, who see human interaction as win/win, see the world in terms of truth. We are truth-seekers instead of status-seekers. We seek cooperative interactions instead of adversarial ones.
To get a better understanding of the difference between truth-seeking and status-seeking, let's consider how they differ in the way they work. Status-based thinking means judging ideas by figuring out how much status the ideas have. In contrast, truth-based thinking means judging ideas by their merit. As I explained in _Atheism: The faith of intellectuals?_, judging ideas by status means believing ideas by looking for confirmation, while judging by merit means believing ideas only after they have survived all known criticism.
As an example, imagine a guy hearing that somebody said something that he perceived as an insult to his parent, and he felt hurt by it. This means he's thinking with the status-seeking attitude instead of the truth-seeking attitude. So he is caring about having social status, and one extra flaw is that he thinks his social status is connected to the status of his parents. And so if he perceives that somebody has insulted his parent, he perceives this as a lowering of his parent’s status, which he also perceives as his own status being lowered. So he is hurt (feels disrespected) by this. He thinks that the "insulter" intentionally did it to try to hurt him, or otherwise make him lose something. But it's a mistake to make such an assumption because the "insulter" may have had no such intention -- maybe he was a truth-seeker not a status-seeker. The truth-seeking attitude does not cause this problem. A truth-seeker thinks like this: "Hmm. Somebody has said something bad about my mom. I wonder if the thing he said is truthful, or not. If it’s truthful, then my mom is bad, and I should talk to her about fixing her error so that she can improve, so I'm glad that he said it because it revealed an opportunity to improve, YAY!! And if it’s not truthful, then maybe this guy is a fool and I don't care what fools think, or maybe he's just mistaken so there's no reason to mind it because mistakes are common." So the truth-seeking attitude doesn’t produce the feeling of being insulted/disrespected. Only the status-seeking attitude does that.
The status-based attitude is one that is shared by many cultures. In gang culture, individuals each have an amount of status that they intend to keep. For this reason, if a gang member perceives that somebody has disrespected him, he sees this as his status being lowered while the other guy’s status being raised. And in an effort to regain his status, he may retaliate with physical violence. So here the gang member is committing two flaws -- demanding respect, and violent intolerance of dissenters.
There are lots of other examples of this. In tribal cultures, an individual’s status is partly determined by how much status his tribe has. For this reason, if a tribesman perceives that somebody has disrespected a member of his tribe, he sees this as his own status being lowered because he sees his tribe’s status being lowered. Now imagine a situation where somebody perceives that the king of his tribe (like Prophet Mohamed) has been disrespected. He would be very offended by this. And if he also has the violent-intolerant attitude too, and if the circumstances were opportune, then he would initiate violence in his misguided attempt to regain respect for his family, and by association, for himself.
Another example is honor violence within a family, or community. If a man thinks that his status is lowered if his daughter does something against his community’s religious norms, and if he also has the violent-intolerant attitude, then he may initiate violence if she commits such an act, as a means to preserve his family's status in the community, and by association, his own status. I should clarify that what usually happens is the family plans this together, where one person does the murder, and then the family helps him avoid the police, say by helping him leave the country.
What's interesting about the status-based idea is that it denies that respect should be earned. A person thinking like this may be in the wrong, and know it, and still demand to be treated as though he is in the right. Street thugs do it when they violently demand respect. Authoritative parents do it when they say 'Don't argue with me' to their kids. Some husbands do it when they expect their wives to side with them in social situations even when they are in the wrong. And some Muslim men do it when they commit honor violence.
The status-based attitude rears it’s ugly head in people’s politics too. These people align themselves politically by their tribal origin (status), rather than by their ideas (merit). It’s ugly because it’s not based on the truth, and because it means the person is unwilling to consider changing his mind about his politics -- because you can’t change your tribal origin. Judging ideas by status means that if you find out that you’re wrong, you’re going to deny it and claim that you’re right, and demand respect too. This way of thinking means no possibility of changing your political affiliation even if you were given devastating criticism of your political ideas. In contrast, judging ideas by merit means that you're willing to change your mind if you find out that you’re wrong. And this way of thinking means the possibility of changing your political affiliation.
Another way to describe the truth-seeking and status-seeking attitudes is like this. Truth-seeking means approaching problems as though the person does not yet have the truth, which is why he is seeking the truth. Status-seeking means approaching problems as though the person already has the truth, which is why he isn't seeking the truth, and instead he is seeking confirmation of what he already believes to be true. Note how the truth-seeking attitude accounts for the fact that it's possible one's ideas are in error, while the status-seeking attitude does not account for that fact. So somebody who is applying the status-seeking attitude is acting like he is infallible/omniscient. He's acting like he thinks he's God.
Rational people vs irrational people
Another way to describe the truth-seeking attitude is to describe the people who have it, rational people. As Elliot Temple explained [4]:

So a rational person sees criticism as win/win because it's part of his truth-seeking attitude. So when he gets criticism of his ideas, actions, or feelings, he doesn't interpret it as a personal attack (win/lose) and instead he tries to judge the criticism in order to try to extract value from it. He sees criticism as a good thing because he knows that criticism leads to further evolution of his knowledge. He sees criticism as necessary to improve himself, so he willingly seeks it out and enjoys thinking about it.
As I mentioned before, a common mistake people make is in how they interpret criticism of ideas. They see it as their person being criticized, rather than the idea alone being criticized. They misinterpret this because they consider some of their ideas to be static -- they are attached to them. They consider these ideas to be part of their identity -- something they refuse to even consider changing. And if you criticize one of these ideas they are attached to, since they consider that idea as part of their identify, they interpret your actions as an attack on their person. And in retaliation, they may call you out to be arrogant and condescending, or cuss you out, or initiate violence, as an attack back at you, in their misguided attempt at self-defense.
So the status-based attitude is what causes people to care about honor (i.e. social status). They have an intense desire for status, and it can pervade practically all of their thinking. Now in tribal cultures, another flaw they have aside from this status-seeking attitude, is that a person's social status should be linked to his family and tribe. And in some tribal cultures, especially the ones where Islam is dominant, they have a strong tradition linking their status with the women of their tribe. Now, combine this status-seeking attitude and these other flaws, together with the attitude that it's morally right to initiate violence in response to a dissenter, and what you have is somebody willing to commit honor violence (including honor killings) against his daughters, sisters, and other female members of his community, and on anybody who he perceives to be lowering his status/respect/honor.
On a final note, I should clarify something about the relationship between the individual and the community. It is true that a man who commits honor violence is being pressured by his family to commit the violence as a means of preserving their social status, but whether or not he acts on that pressure, or even feels that pressure, depends on his ideas. Will he care what his family and community thinks? Well, in those communities a lot of the opportunities for a man, like getting married or having a good job, depends on the status of his family and his tribe. So if a woman taints his family's status, and if he doesn't remove that taint by killing her, then he'll lose those opportunities. But so what? He could forego all of those "opportunities" by fleeing the country with his daughter. If he doesn't do that, it's because of his evil ideas. Pressure from society is not a defense! Individuals are responsible for their actions regardless of the "pressures" from their communities.
——————————————————————
[1] _Honor Killings Go Beyond Mere Homocide_, by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Also see The AHA Foundation on Honor Violence.
[2] See _The Beginning of Infinity_, Chapter 9: Optimism, by David Deutsch.
[3] See _All problems are soluble_, by Elliot Temple. Also see [2].
[4] _Rational People_, by Elliot Temple.
^{Originally published in 2014}

Gratitude to Namo Sakyamuni Buddha!
Gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
Gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
Gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
Gratitude to the selfless, altruistic, and benevolent Master Lu!
Hello everyone! I am Buddhist practitioner Li. Today, with immense gratitude, I share with you my Buddhist experience. The topic is: The severe 30-year anemia completely recovered via Buddhism
In 2016, I started practicing Buddhism when the opportunity arose. In 2017, I invited Guan Yin Bodhisattva into my home. After setting up the Buddhist altar, I frequently witnessed the rolls of incense ash and the blooming of lotus flowers on oil lamps. These strengthened my confidence in practicing Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures, and every day was filled with joy from the Dharma!
In 2018, at the age of 49, my master enlightened me I entered the age of my 369 predestined calamity. From my recollections, I specifically followed Master Lu's guidance and made vows to Guan Yin Bodhisattva, reciting 49 Little Houses to help my karmic creditors.
One afternoon, while crossing the street, I had two large bags in my hands and decided to set them down on the ground for a moment to rest my hands before picking them up again. As I looked up, I saw a car speeding towards me, and I was terrified, unsure of how to avoid it. In that moment of emergency, I shouted, "Bodhisattva bless me," and accelerated to run across the street. The car didn't slow down at all and whooshed past me from behind. When I turned my head, I was shocked—it was such a close call! It nearly hit me. I am grateful for the compassionate blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, which allowed me to safely pass through the calamity at the age of 49.
I have been suffering from anemia since giving birth, nearly 30 years ago. Before I started practicing Buddhism, I had tried various blood tonics, but none of them worked. Normally, whenever I took blood tonic medicine, my hemoglobin levels would rise slightly, but if I didn't take the medicine, I would feel drowsy and lethargic every day.
In 2020, I knelt before the Buddhist altar and made vows to abstain from killing and adopt a fully vegetarian diet, praying for the blessings of the Bodhisattvas to maintain my health and help eliminate karmic obstacles. I persisted in reciting sets of 21 and 69 Little Houses in cycles, and over the years, I have recited a few thousands sheets. I also made vows to recite 108 Little Houses to eliminate karmic obstacles related to my eyesight, release 1200 fish, adhere to reading and reciting the Buddhism in Plain Terms, distribute Dharma materials as opportunities arose, promote vegetarianism, conduct monthly animal liberation, propagate Dharma in online groups, and offer free Dharma Gems to new practitioners, among other practices.
On December 5, 2023, I went to the hospital for a routine blood test, and the results came back normal! My hemoglobin level, which used to be 80-90, was now 145, within the reference range of 110-150. The doctor said that my levels had improved and that I could stop taking medication.
Grateful for the compassionate blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, being vegetarian and reciting scriptures can indeed remove karma and help repay karmic debts! Being vegetarian and reciting scriptures have restored my health indicators to normal, which is truly beyond my expectations! Gratitude to the compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for always answering prayers, blessing me with health, and rescuing me from the sea of suffering.
Previously, I also suffered from recurrent mouth ulcers, which would take 15 to 20 days to heal each time they occurred. The pain from the ulcers would unsettle my mind and seriously affect my daily life. Now, the mouth ulcers have also healed without my noticing!
The Buddha's teachings are truly magnificent. The countless miraculous occurrences that have happened to me and my family fully prove the authenticity of the Dharma. I will definitely persevere, diligently propagate the Dharma, recite scriptures to eliminate karma, strengthen my faith, respect my master, uphold the path with diligence, and never regress!
Gratitude to Namo Sakyamuni Buddha!
Gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
Gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
Gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
Gratitude to the selfless, altruistic, and benevolent Master Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I pray for forgiveness from Namo Sakyamuni Buddha, the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, and Dharma protectors.
I would appreciate my fellow Buddhist practitioners' critique and correction! I, not my fellow Buddhist practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Buddhist practitioner: Cai Hong, Gratitude and Namaste!
Received: 2023-12-17
Posted: 2024-01-06
Translator: Frank
Published: 2024-03-22
--- Feedback from Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door netizen on March 3, 2024.
Statement by translator
The story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I pray for forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下：
严重贫血症完全康复，灵验案例数不胜数
感恩南无释迦牟尼佛！
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨!
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨及龙天护法金刚菩萨!
感恩弘法度众舍身忘我的恩师慈父卢军宏师父!
大家好！我是李同修。今天，我怀着无比感恩的心情来和大家分享，题目是：严重贫血症完全康复，灵验案例数不胜数
我是2016年机缘成熟走进佛门的。2017年，我把观世音菩萨请回了家。设佛台后，我经常看到香打卷、油灯结莲花，这些增强了我学佛念经的信心，天天法喜充满！
2018年我49岁，师父开示我逢年龄的369关劫。记忆中，我有按照师父的开示针对性地向观世音菩萨许愿帮自己的要经者念诵49张经文组合。
有一天下午，我过马路时，当时手里拿着两个大包，放在地上缓一下手再拿起来。抬头一看，一辆车飞快地向我驶来，我当时吓得不知如何躲避。紧急时刻我大喊：“菩萨保佑”，并加速跑过街。这辆车完全没有减速，“嗖”的一声从我身后飞驰而去……我扭头一看，吓坏了，太悬了！只差一点点就撞到我了。感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨保佑，让我顺利地渡过了49岁这个关劫。
从生孩子之后我就开始贫血，至今已有近三十年了。学佛前，我曾吃过补血偏方，也不管用。平时，只要我吃补血药，血色素（又称血红蛋白）的指数就能上来点，如果不吃药我就天天犯困、没劲。
2020年，我跪在佛台前许愿戒杀、吃全素，祈求菩萨保佑我身体健康，帮我消除业障。我坚持21张一拨，69张一拨，这样循环着念诵经文组合，几年下来已经念了几千张了。我还许愿为了消除眼睛的业障，帮自己的要经者念诵108张经文组合，放生1200条鱼，坚持读诵《白话佛法》，随缘发书度人，发素食宣传单，坚持每个月放生，坚持随缘在群里法布施，免费结缘法宝给新同修等等。
2023年12月5日，我去医院化验血常规，结果一切正常了！我的血色素值原来是80～90左右，这次检查的结果是145，参考值在110-150。医生说，指标上来了，可以停药了。
感恩观世音菩萨慈悲保佑，吃素、念经真的可以消业还债啊！吃素、念经让我的指标恢复正常了，真是太出乎意料了！感恩大慈大悲观世音有求必应，保佑我身体健康，救我脱离苦海。
以前，我还患有口腔溃疡，一犯病就需要15天到20天才能好。溃疡疼得我心烦意乱，严重影响了我的日常生活。现在，口腔溃疡也不知不觉好了！
再说一下母亲：2020年7月，我送82岁的母亲回老家看望大姨。当时村里刚好有人过世。当车到达小区门口时，母亲下车时随口就讲了一句：“死人啦”！伴随而来的是，“咚”的一声，母亲突然摔倒了！我们都忙着提东西，没人注意到母亲是怎么摔倒的。当路人和我扶起母亲时，只见她左脸擦破点皮，裤子破了个洞，摔得她都麻木了。但是，母亲还是坚持走到了大姨家，然后她就躺下了。我看见母亲的左胳膊青紫一大片，就带着她去医院检查。医生说左胳膊骨折了，需要涂药、打上夹板慢慢静养恢复，不需要住院。母亲也学佛念经，回到大姨家，她念了三拨心灵密码7829，外加冰块冷敷伤处，输液换药。
大姨家没有佛台。我上心香向观世音菩萨许愿帮母亲放生1200条鱼和10只甲鱼；帮母亲的要经者烧送21张经文组合，祈求菩萨保佑母亲快点好起来。在母亲状态比较安稳时，我回家上香，在佛台前祈求菩萨保佑母亲早日康复。祈求完后，我就帮母亲烧送了21张她自存的经文组合，又帮她放生了600条鱼和10只甲鱼。几天后，当我再次返回大姨家时，母亲已经好了许多：胳膊消肿了，也不痛了。事发一个月左右，母亲和我一同回到家后，我们又放生了600条鱼。
俗话说：伤筋动骨一百天。医生本来不让拆夹板。8月份的天津是最热的天气，母亲带了一个月的夹板后觉得洗澡不方便，就把夹板拆了下来，用布条挎在胳膊上避免碰伤。没想到，80多岁的老人，一个月的时间骨头已经长好了——我们全家人高兴得不得了。这都是菩萨慈悲保佑和加持的结果呀！ 母亲非常精进，每天早上站在自家佛台前念经两个小时，晚上念一个小时，每天坚持念3张左右经文组合，坚持听师父的节目录音。师兄们，我们一定要真心地学佛念经，只有诚心求菩萨保佑才能得到菩萨的慈悲庇佑呀！
经文组合是大慈大悲观世音菩萨赐给我们人间的法宝，末法时期经文组合在灵界是大支票，帮助我们超度灵性、还清孽债，真是冥阳两利！生活的烦恼让我懂得：只有学佛念经，知因懂果才能改变命运；只有精进学佛修心才能成功！
佛法真是太伟大了，发生在我和家人身上的灵验事例数不胜数，充分证明了心灵法门真实不虚！我一定会持之以恒，好好地弘法度人，念经消业，坚定信心，尊师重道，一门精进，永不退转！
再次感恩南无释迦牟尼佛！感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨及龙天护法金刚菩萨！感恩弘法度众舍身忘我的恩师慈父卢军宏薹长！
分享过程中如有不如理不如法之处，请南无释迦牟尼佛慈悲原谅！请南无大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨及龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师兄们背。
分享人：彩虹同修 感恩合十
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The contents of the presentation and answers, including text, images, and other information obtained from Dharma practitioners, are provided strictly for reference purposes. Due to the unique nature of individual karma, results similar to those experienced by the authors may not be replicated. The experiences and advice shared should not be construed as medical advice or a diagnosis.
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Warning: long post. I just have a lot of feelings on this topic!
We got married two weeks ago and I’m still on such a high from it all. I want to write this post as a bit of a reflection for myself and hopefully to get others excited for their weddings, especially for those who didn’t want a wedding to begin with.
I never wanted a wedding. I wanted to elope, or have a microwedding at most. My husband wanted the big thing. But there was so much about a traditional wedding that I dreaded. I’ve been to so many and they often feel performative, all very similar, and lacking in authenticity. Absolutely nothing wrong with others doing this - I always have a blast and have always LOVED attending weddings. I want to make this clear, that I love whatever it is that brings others joy, especially if they want to share it with me. There is no judgement. I just couldn’t see myself going through the same format of the traditional wedding. I was adamant on the no.
But then I realized that there would be no other time in our lives where we could have an entire day where we get to scream from the rooftops about how amazing our person is. I want my community to know how special my love is. Beyond this, I think love in all its forms deserves celebrating. I started to see a wedding as an opportunity to celebrate our village, our community, the people who have walked beside us in all our life chapters. How beautiful is that? There is no other occasion that will bring all your loved ones to one place. A wedding is the only opportunity you will have to embrace everyone in your life in one night; to bask in all the joy and experience some type of collective effervescence with all your closest people.
But what about the stress? The expectations? The MONEY? Many weddings I had been to, brides or grooms didn’t seem present. They often seemed stressed, and like they were actors in some performance. The day goes by so fast; months of planning and it’s over in a few hours. I’d heard so many stories of immense stress with wedding planning. Family and bridal party drama. The list goes on. I couldn’t bring myself to go there.
Until I realized that I/we are capable of setting boundaries and making intentional decisions. Some things we were just lucky with - that we have good careers and were able to save adequately, with some financial help from family as well. Lucky that our families and friends are all truly wonderful people, and are very low drama with minimal expectations. But some intentional decisions we made were: keeping our priorities in mind from day one (relaxed, fun, guest experience) and only making decisions based on these; even if the wedding world and society told us to do something different. We would simplify things as much as possible, and do without all the fluff and unnecessary stuff. We wouldn’t put any expectations on our loved ones, and overall wouldn’t get attached to any particular “ideal” of what the day would look like. We wanted a laid back vibe, and we had to intentionally choose this mindset from day one of planning. A wedding CAN be relaxed if you choose it to be. Even if your loved ones bring the drama and opinions and expectations - you can’t control others but you can control your reaction and how you choose to internalize it. The mindset you show up with in the months prior and on the day will set the tone for everyone else’s experience.
We made it clear to our loved ones that we had no expectations around our wedding and their roles - we just wanted them to be able to relax and have a good time. No bridal party or bachelorette/bachelor parties. Simple outfits that we felt good in, did my own hair and makeup, only $500 on decoflorals, emails for invites etc. We put our budget into an excellent all inclusive venue that came with an in house planner that took care of every logistical detail so that we could have as minimal stress as possible. We spent the morning with our loved ones lounging by the pool, got ready together, greeted our guests with beers upon arrival (no hiding away), walked down the aisle hand in hand with no other processional, no grand entrance or exit or staged photo ops, no first dances, no tosses. Just a fancy dinner party with a heartfelt ceremony to start and fun dance floor to finish (no DJ either!)
There were several times I felt like I was “doing it wrong” since I just didn’t feel bridal at any point in the planning process. I didn’t care about any of the bride things and needed to frequently remind myself that there is so much that society and the industry tells us we need, that we don’t. And that I’m still allowed to have a wedding in the way that feels right to me. At the end of the day, all I wanted was to bring our people together to have a few days of celebration and I wanted the vibe to be relaxed and authentic. I wanted to be an exceptional host, to treat our loved ones to an amazing experience, and be present with all the love in the air. None of the other stuff mattered and I’m so happy to say that we pulled it off, and everyone had an absolutely incredible time. Every single person commented on how much they loved the vibe of the day, many saying it was the best wedding they’d been to.
I want the brides and grooms to-be out there who feel out of their element and resistant to the process - who have never dreamed of this and are doing it as a compromise - to know that really and truly, it has the potential to be the most incredible thing you’ll ever do. To think back on the old me who was against the idea of planning and hosting a wedding… to me now… wow. I am SO pro wedding, I think everyone deserves to feel that level of joy. It is truly unparalleled and has left me with the most cherished memories. There is no better feeling.

As in, a person is voluntarily "missing" but still very much alive, but their relatives get them declared presumably dead.
Is there a way to make them un-presumed dead (Presumed undead? idk).
This applies to an old school friend of mine. Many years ago he had a falling out with his family and in his own words "upped and f**ked off". He left the country without telling anyone, blagged himself an entirely new identity in his new country of residence and he's been that way ever since.
The thing is a few years ago his family got him declared Presumed Dead. He didn't have a spouse and he didn't leave behind a will when he left and he's got a new identity now so it didn't really affect him, but I'm curious; firstly what the legal consequences he could face would be if he came back to the UK and secondly if there's any legal recourse to get that declaration reversed?
There's nothing on the gov.uk website that mentions undoing it. Oh and this is in England if that helps.

First time posting on Reddit. Just made this account.
I (32M) have been dating my girlfriend (36W) for about 7 months now. Almost immediately into the relationship she had brought up wanting a child. To me this was the first time really considering this prospect, as partners in the past were usually younger than me and hadn’t been ready to have children. It isn’t a blaring yes for me to have kids, but the more I entertain the idea the more I find myself coming around to it (which she knows).
A little context... For the past 6 years I’ve spent my life healing my gut with meditation, yoga, and therapy. This has been my primary focus. Everything else has been secondary as I knew I needed to put my health first. Specifically after these last 2 years of living in an ashram I have reset my nervous system and my body is in good working order. Throughout this time I haven’t been building my career, it just hasn’t been my focus. I’ve been living very frugally and getting by, by myself. I’ve now moved home (with mom and brother) and have been there for the better part of a year. (Home is a big property where I have my own space) and I can see clients to cover my own expenses, but have the luxury of not paying rent. I make roughly 25k a year as a therapist, but have essentially no overhead, with the potential to earn much more.
Okay, back to us. Now she is stating she really wants to move into her feminine, and be provided for, as I’m sure this is coinciding with her biological urge to be a mother. Stating she’s been the “career woman” and has been in her masculine frame long enough. Shes stated shes ready to surrender and to be protected and provided for. Currently she has a career that has the potential to bring her 200k-300k if she were to work full time.
So from my perspective, she wants me to “step up”, make enough money to provide for both her, and a child only she alone is putting the pressure on to have.
I can hear the red pill echo chambers voice coming through me and it sounds something like, “she gave up her most youthful years to pursue a career, ignore her instinct to be a mother, and be with all these other men in her prime, to just get to the end of the line with me and go, okay, I’m ready to be taken care of, give me a baby and provide for me.”
Now I really love this woman dearly, and wouldn’t be with her if a part of me wasn’t ready to step into this roll. But as someone who lives at home with his family, and doesn’t have his financials in a stable place, does this not seem ridiculous? Especially considering her potential to earn, at least for the time being.
Any words of advice would be appreciated. Would love to hear your thoughts.

i feel so worthless these days. i dont know what to do. tw for many things including mentions of grooming and eating disorder, i talk about my appearance and stuff idk it might be triggering ?
my boyfriend hasnt messaged me in over a week, i have no idea whats going on with him at this point. he mightve left me, hes done that before. my eating disorder is raging and making me feel horrible inside and out. my agoraphobia is barely manageable, i can’t remember the last time i left the house. my benefit has ended (idk if thats the right way to word it), and i havent told my parents i cant afford to pay rent anymore. when they find out they are going to be angry, even though its not my fault. my doctor upped my medication, even though ive tried this dose before and i know it doesnt work for me, infact no meds have ever helped me at all.
i am so stressed and anxious, i feel so so guilty for just existing and taking up space. but i cant even cry, its like im feeling so much its turned into nothing. im just numb.
it feels like i wasnt meant to be alive this long, like i was meant to die before i became an adult. i am not able to function like other people in this world. ive tried, ive tried so hard. but i keep attracting people into my life who hurt me badly, and im so ill that i cant even push them away. i cant go outside because i get nervous about everything. i convince myself ill do something embarrassing crossing the road, or ill forget how to talk or some crazy person will run at me with a knife or a gun. i have nightmares about being hurt/threatened in public often.
im obsessed with my appearance. i worry immensely about the day i get too old to be viewed as attractive to men. i was groomed as a child. i believe i will be completely worthless by the time im 25. all i can do now is please men (although i fail at it usually), once im 25 ill be too old to do that anymore. even if i stay with my boyfriend until that point, im sure he will stop finding me attractive and move onto someone younger. thats just how men are, right?
it all feels so hopeless. no matter how hard i try its never enough. i see a doctor regularly, she tells me the waitlist for therapy is too long to even bother, she puts me on meds that dont work, she tells me sitting with my family more will help my “low mood”. i know i am ill, i know the way i think is a product of my trauma, but i cant control it or stop myself. my parents do not care. i can’t remember the last time they said they loved me, or hugged me, or asked how i was, or anything. i am just a burden and an embarrassment to them, and i cannot blame them for that.
i would prefer it if people didnt give me too much (if any) adv!ce, i dont want someone to tell me what to do i just want to be heard. i know i am unwell and i need professional help, but i dont want it and i cant get it anyways. i am broke, my doctor is hopeless, my parents dont care, and the system is overwhelmed as is. its just me and my thoughts against the world at this point

I just wanted to share a story because I had a patient that no one fully explained the discharge plan to. They are only able to say some words, didn’t make any sense of them. Follows commands and is still pretty expressive. Somehow we had an understanding. Overall just a sweet person. They would laugh, smile and the few words had a lot of personality to them. They are moving to palliative care, the prognosis is not good. So they are going to a nursing home and it kinda made me sad. I just had a gut feeling that no one told them. There was no family at bedside on the day of discharge. I just pictured them getting transported there and being confused and scared. Can you imagine just being moved into a nursing home with no knowledge? So I explained it and I swear to god they gave me a confused look. Looked a little concerned. Then I told them the family picked it out, and that they would be able to visit still. I got a face of comfort. I think they kinda knew, but I don’t think anyone took the time to explain it. Then when they were leaving, I held their hand and said goodbye. They squeezed it hard and looked me in the eyes. It really looked like they were thanking me. Even the transporters were touched. I always treat patients like they can understand me because you never know. This time I just knew.
I haven’t felt like I did something good in a long time and just wanted to share. I had 5 patients with lots of meds and I was still able to make a difference with the brief time I had with them.

I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to have no mileage.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you to be fully submissive to me. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to submit to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

Dear members of this sub reddit.
I would like to implore all of you to spread this word amongst your kin, and follow this yourselves:
It is very damaging to be messing with road safety guidelines meant for the safety of others even if you don't care about your own well-being.
On at least two occasions, in heavy traffic, I couldn't immediately figure out which the emergency vehicle was whose siren I could hear since there was at least 1 private car with blue & red blinking lights around me that I could see in my mirrors, so it took time for me to figure out where to give way to the right vehicle.
Think of your family members in that ambulance — it would be horrible to have it needlessly blocked.
And while we are on this topic — following emegergency vehicles to try to beat traffic is unethical and illegal.
I have now installed dashcams in both my cars, and I hope to report such people to the police.
Just saying.

I borrowed this one from the library. I read it in Australia as a teen in the 1990s. It could have been written earlier, hard to be sure. It might be an Australian or NZ book but not confident of that.
Had the same 'young person (people) overcome a difficult situation' coming of age feeling as Blue Fin by Colin Thiele.
It wasn't hugely long. Probably that thumb width size of book of many YA books with under 300 pages.
The MCs were kids/teens (one boy, one girl I think), possibly siblings or cousins, who go by boat to an island with their father or uncle or male relative to round up sheep. Pretty sure they get dropped off, with the boat not scheduled to return until a specific point in several weeks at least.
There are sheep left on the island to graze during certain parts of the year which need to be rounded up so they can be transported off the island for sale or similar. During this trip, the teens are supposed to be helping out but early on the adult is badly injured, possibly a broken leg, he might not be lucid all of the time. I think they have to rig up splinting and a litter to get him from wherever he injures himself back to the shepherd's hut. It's pretty basic accommodation as it's only used for a few weeks a year.
They have to keep him and themselves fed and warm in the shepherd's hut on the island (lots of tinned food), and care for his injury with very few medical supplies. There's mention of scratchy woollen blankets, simple camping cots, no electricity, cooking on a woodfire stovetop. There's no way to call for help, either no radio or it's broken. The weather is often blustery and unpleasant as the island is of a size where wind off the ocean comes from every direction.
During the day, they check in on the injured adult and still do the work to round up the sheep because the family will need the money. At night they use a lantern and maybe a mirror to flash an SOS message out to sea (towards the mainland?) in the hopes a passing ship will see it.
I can't remember if a ship sees the SOS or the original boat just comes back when it's scheduled to but eventually a boat does come. The teens/kids have managed to keep the adult alive and the sheep are all rounded up and waiting in the pens to be collected. Pretty sure the book ends with them all being taken onto the boat, knowing the adult will finally get medical care and a bit of 'how'd you manage this all by yourselves' acknowledgement of the challenges they faced.
I've been googling into the void with different word combinations and even with this level of detail, I've had no luck so far. If anyone can give me any clues or knows what this book is, that would be amazing.

After spending months/yrs/days with someone who promised this/that or who convinced us that they are a dependable friend /companion /lovecoworkeacquaintance/parent when the same person turns their back on us overnight ,becomes obnoxiously disrespectful and emotionally abusive and then one fine day they just disappear without any trace and all ur messages are left unanswered . U start questioning ur worth,u start questioning urself on everything and ur deepest darkest fears pop up on ur mind.
U feel depressed and dejected how all ur energy invested into this person becomes futile . U come to realisation how u never truly mattered to them.How u were not even worth a reply to them . How those flowery words and actions were nothing but mere lies spoken to u and u feel dumb to have believed them. U feel reckless insecure and angry and disgusted within urself.
And that's when u learn how good their life is going . They seem happy lively and busy with their life ,posting on social media their large group of friends ,some even hopped into new relationships and how well they are doing in their life . This is what hurts ! The fact that they could get off on the hurting while leaving u like that and mistreating u ,this what aches the most. Most often than not ,we don't want these ghosters back. We subconsciously want them to experience the same pain ,the same agony and months of mental frustration they put us through while they are out there living their life .like a normal human being without any repercussions.
I want u all ghostee to realise one thing ,in this cruel world ,no one owes u anything. Not even ur parents ,family members /anyone . U came to this world alone and u will die alone so take full responsibility of ur life and stop being emotionally driven . Start becoming logically driven. No one owes u anything apology for putting u through pain ,depression . U have to understand that sometimes there will be no justice as is evident when poor people get exploited by rich and continue to maintain that wealth ,where is karma and God then? No where to be found. But that doesn't mean we stop believing in God . Have faith in ur morals and principles. What I mean to say is sometimes there will be no karma for those people who hurt u. No justice will be served . U have to become realistic and accept the reality for it.
U have to soak in the sadness and become mentally stronger and realise ghosters are not great human beings . I don't give a fuck if anyone comes to argue with me on their defence.Anyone who is capable of treating a person like that ,they are trash /assholes and don't deserve to stay in this world. No excuses of hurt people hurt people and all that nonsense . Enough is enough. If they are hurt ,they could have chosen a different pathway. Remember they consciously chose to hurt u because either way u never mattered to them .All trashy excuses against disgusting behaviour can go into garbage .
And to the ghostee- stop being emotional. Get up and improve ur life and become so emotionally and mentally stronger that when u don't give a flying fuck whether u receive an apology or not.yrs down the line. And if u do get one ,make sure to call a spade a spade and be so mentally strong to delete that message without even wasting a breath. And Never Ever Speak To Them Ever Again. U create ur closure by creating a life u can't wait to wake upto. U work on urself and become emotionally and mentally stronger enough . As always remember as John Green quoted "u don't get to choose whether u get hurt in this world but u do have some say in who hurts u " U gotta say in it and ur say is to ignore these individuals for the rest of ur life and never ever waste a breath of urs on them.
P.S - look at ur parents faces and remember when u will fall ill,they will accompany u to the doctor . Not the girl or the guy who ghosted u . Never forgive them . Never ! And if u have no one. Always remember u have urself. Treat urself with respect and work on urself . Everything else will fall into place . Thank you.

Thank you for this universe!
And many thanks to for being a full co-writer on this project!
Kaeden and Vichee belongs to and I thank them so much for working with us! It was an honor!
Sven belongs to Bjorn the Copper Paladin from Discord. I hope to do more with them in the future, and have tons of fun!
And don’t you worry about that final in the title! We have some news at the end!
[First]- [Prev]- {Next Story!!}

{Is the reason that everything happened to Tarlim in the first place?}

{Only up to the ramps, mostly. Trying to impress upon people the importance of accessibility for those with extenuating circumstances. At least according to the records I have access to.}

{The average person knows as much about his friends as they do about Mike Collins.}
<...Who?>
{Exactly. 20th century human spaceman, was there for their first lunar landing. Didn’t get to put boots on the ground, and nobody remembers his name now.}

{Hell, I didn’t even know about him until I put in a search query of niche historical figures just to give you an example. Yeesh…}

(Program Selected.)
(Resume Selected Media? [Y])
(Playing…)
Archived Closed Circuit Security Video - Establishment: Exterminator’s Office - Dawn Creek Division - Subbasement - Date Recorded (ST): OCT 31, 2136 - Timeframe (ST): 11:42 - 11:45
The parking bay is silent. Vans are parked neatly in their spots which frame the hallway to the armory and fuel storage for the camera. A ding is heard and something moves in the hallway. Five fully suited Venlil and a Zurulian step out of an elevator and run towards a van. The sound of a door slamming open comes from the hall roughly 6 seconds later. A stream of Exterminators pour out into the hall from the stairwell.
Their voices are indecipherable as they speak over each other. A Sulian runs into the armory and reappears with a huge flamer tank on their back. Another Zurulian can be seen with an extinguisher tank, but a Venlil bleats at them and tosses it aside. They drag the quadrupedal alien quickly into the parking garage before physically throwing them into the back of a van.
From the back of the hallway, a fluid can be seen spreading across the ground. A trio of Venlil back out of a room while holding their flamers up. They are unlit, instead spewing fuel out of their nozzles. The trio twirl around in an overly animated manner as they walk down the hall to the parking garage. A van pulls out of its spot with windows down so the passengers could let out a cheer.
A black-suited Venlil runs up to the spraying trio while waving their arms to get them out into the garage. The microphone just barely manages to catch him saying, “We need to save some for the predators!” One of the other Venlil replies, “Yes sir, Mafchi!” A short flurry of curses is heard as the gathered exterminators pile into the three other visible vans. Two of the vans speed out of the garage, forcing some other Venlil exterminators to dive out of the way in the process.
The black-suited Mafchi picks up a fuel canister that had been dropped and twists off its cap. He slings it under his shoulder and pours a line of fuel. He marches straight to the final van and hops up into the open rear. The van backs itself up to turn out of the garage. The fuel canister clatters to the ground as it pulls away. Before it clears the view of the camera, the Black-suited Venlil is seen standing in its open back. He is holding what appears to be a flare gun.
The flare sails through the air shortly after the van leaves the frame and impacts the ground. It bounces and rolls until it touches the fuel and ignites it in an instant. A small wall of fire proceeds down the provided trail into the hallway, igniting more fuel as time passes. The hallway is quickly engulfed in vividly red fire. Thick black smoke begins to pour out into the garage as the fire inches closer to the primary fuel tank.
Movement can be seen in the hallway between the flickering flames. The silver form of a Venlil Exterminator is seen rushing out of the stairwell and fighting to head towards the fuel storage room. Before they reach, a white flash fills the screen. The feed goes dead, the error code consistent with electrical interruption.
(Specified Media Concluded.)

{Who was what? Mafchi?}

{Hmmm, there aren’t any tags embedded for them. The suits do a rather good job at making the officers anonymous. Let me see…oh.}

{The, uh… the employment records for that Office were…terminated.}

{It looks like…yes, here. Record wipe in 2497. Media with less than 1 bistandannual visit were removed to save space on the university’s central server. It’s…they’re gone, gone gone.}

{Maybe, but that’ll do us no good if we don’t know their name. And because of the chaos of that incident, nobody has been able to accurately reconstruct where every individual was in that office. We’d have to already know who they were to find them.}
<...I guess that’s another person I’ll have to remember then, huh?>
{...Guess so. Speaking of remembering, perhaps you should check out Tarlim’s view again? Seeing how we were just talking about him.}
<...Sure. At least people remember his name, right?>
(Command: [exitprogram])
(Are you sure? [Y])
…
{-Program Selected-}
{-Restart From Last Playback Point? Y/(N)-}
{-[USERID-11229KMD]: procViewHist -}
{-Retrieving Transcription Viewing History…-}
{-List Retrieved - Select Desired Subject: (Tarlim)-}
{-Restart From Last Playback Point? (Y)/N-}
{-Playing…-}
Memory Transcription Subject: Tarlim, the Venbig. Date [Standardized Human Time] October 31st, 2136
No matter how much Sven and Anso griped about it, having them leave and return with the trailer was a great idea. The humans who had gone with them the first time were, to my dismay, excited to try and ride in the back. I had at least been able to impress on those four that I couldn’t let anyone else ride like that, and that they were to help with rigging a trailer with some seats.
I had to admit; they did a good job!
Several couches sat bolted to the floor of the covered trailer and even had some ropes that could be hooked across the armrests as impromptu belts. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it would work as well as any bus or short train ride! Certainly superior to jumping in the bed of a truck.
I strode out into the parking road and swayed my ears to greet Anso. Sven had stayed behind here to meet with the humans and entertain the kids, a job which he was slightly less unenthusiastic about compared to last time. “Greetings, Anso! Have you made the necessary preparations for the humans to leave with you?”
The Yotul hopped out of the truck bed and bounced to me. “We have! I have to say those humans were great workers to have helped get this whipped up so quickly! I hope Sven has been behaving himself?”
I let my tail wag behind me remembering my last glimpse of him. He should really secure his sheath straps! “He has! Been entertaining the refugees while I made sure they all had their belongings ready to go. Come on inside, let’s go gather them.”
I guided him with a wave of my arm as we turned back to the door. To be truthful, I hadn’t expected Sven to win the humans over as quickly as he did. Needless to say, his primitive attire seemed to spark joy within them, a joy sorely needed amidst the sadness of recency.
As we entered the building I noticed something, or rather, the lack of something. When I had exited only a few [minutes] prior, the building had been full of life and noise. Now, it was almost dead quiet, save for the sounds of a holovision coming from the lobby. Rather heated sounds, at that.
“I didn’t think it was already main rest claw,” Anso mused as he, too, recognized the aggravated voices coming from the lobby. “And what are they watching in there? Sounds…angry.”
“Yeah…” I trailed off as I followed the noises. As I approached the lobby, the sound of what I assumed was a Gojid yelling. “You know nothing about my family. TALK, JUST FUCKING TALK, NOW!” My ears pinned back at the foul language at play, hoping that Sven and the children were somewhere else.
As I entered the room, I saw that I was only half right. The children were thankfully nowhere to be found, but Sven was obviously present, as was most of the facility staff. I was about to ask what was going on before another voice drew my attention to the holovision, the same as everyone else. The voice of none other than Chief Nikonus.
“There were three of us who laid out the groundwork for the Federation. When Kolshian explorers came in contact with the Farsul, more than a thousand years ago, the galaxy was young. We were the first in this sector to escape our gravity well. You know about the founding of this institution, but I reiterate it just in case.”
“The Krakotl were the third,” another voice piped up from behind the camera. I thought it might’ve been another Gojid, but the voice was far too breathy. Harchen, maybe? I wasn’t given a chance to consider it further as Nikonus continued. “Yes, they were a problem from the start; aggressive, disagreeable. We tried to identify the problem, and why they were so ill-equipped for spacefaring.”
“We learned they were scavengers, who would occasionally go for fish as well.”
His next line was rendered inaudible by the shocked gasps of both the refugees and residents in the room. I was no different, drawing in a sharp breath at the abrupt admission. I remembered that Arvi had said some aliens were revealed to have eaten meat in the past, but was this the way it was decided to be revealed? With such abject callousness?
Nikonus continued to speak, looking not just proud, but smug with his words. He went on about how the Federation had saved these aliens with their manipulations, but the entirety of his body language seemed to indicate he reveled in how devastating this information would be to the people he was speaking to. How they manipulated an entire culture, a RELIGION!
What if they did the same to ours?
That horrifying thought struck through my mind like a derailing train. I had relied upon the Tenets in some of my darkest moments. Found comfort in them when there was none elsewhere to be found. To have such a comfort revealed as a lie in its entirety, used only for some other group to control you…
The voice of Nikonus hit my ears again. “Oh Sovlin, I already told you. For the small minority of species who don’t find herbivory alone, we teach them the right way. Doesn’t the religion against predators sound familiar?”
The Kolshian was insufferably proud of those words. There was no doubt in my mind now; this was mocking. Mocking a Gojid for following The Protector. For being a predator. For being different, but expecting to still be treated as a person. The Gojid were predators, they couldn’t help it, and they were already being mocked for it.
What might happen to all the other species?
I shifted my focus away from the screen to the crowd, searching for one in particular. Vichee, a Krakotl already so different from everyone else, and now my concerns for them were multiplied with every word that fell from Nikonus’ mouth. Were they okay? They had come in here to see Sven, I had seen them. Where are-
I spotted Kaeden in the corner of the room. Next to him, slumped against the wall, was Vichee. The dual colored Krakotl’s eyes were glazed over as they stared at nothing. I strode over quickly, my instincts wanting to comfort them. Kaeden was simply standing there, it was confusing that he didn’t seem to be comforting Vichee at all. As I got closer, their head tilted up to me, regarding me with an unfocused eye.
“He was right.” They said quietly. My implant almost didn’t pick it up over the sounds of the lobby. “Kaeden had asked me soon after our first meeting if Krakotl had once been meat eaters. Said it was the shape of our beaks. ‘More suited to capturing small wriggling prey than filtering algae’. He told me. I nearly flew away right then… If I had, I would have been alone with this news.”I listened, kneeling down to be closer to their level. “You’re not alone, your herd is here. Right Kaeden?”
He looked over at me and nodded. “Vichee was there with me when Earth was attacked. I’m here for them now. Kaabra and Venik are… together, elsewhere at the moment. But they will be here too.”
I flicked my ears in understanding. “Then I hope they may help in hugging Vichee until their tears are dry.” I turned an eye to Vichee. “Please, I just want you to know that you are still you. What your body does has no effect on your personhood.”
Vichee still sat, their mind still likely whirling with the new information. They lifted their differently colored wings. “I’m well aware. This lesson I already learned. But thank you, I understand what you mean.” Kaeden nodded slowly and Vichee returned to their thoughts.
“There’s going to be trouble soon, Tarlim,” Kaeden stated gravely. “News like this? Nothing good will come of it. I can already tell this won’t go over well. Keep your eyes open.”
As if in response to his words, the sound of clanking metal hits my ears. They shoot up, pivoting to locate its source. There, dashing towards the door, was the armored figure of Sven. I didn’t know him enough to know how this broadcast would affect him, but running was never the best sign. I flicked my ears goodbye to my friends and rose, following after the metal man. In my periphery, I saw the television screen had shifted to show Rolem moving onto the stage. I would have to miss whatever it was he had to say, so ducked through the doors and continued to follow the sound of metal.
As I exited, I saw that I wasn’t the only one to see Sven’s actions. Anso was bounding behind him, shouting something I couldn’t hear. Sven didn’t seem to either as he kept running, but his gait wasn’t one of fear. He looked purposeful, sprinting in a straight line. A line pointed right towards-
Towards the observing Exterminator Van.
The metal Venlil didn’t even hesitate at the presence of the fence. He leapt up in a display of strength and agility, vaulting over the barrier and continuing his beeline into the van. It was like phased through the doors with how fast he moved. There were sounds of commotion that followed his entry, and soon two Exterminators fell out of the van. One Venlil…and one Krakotl. I wonder how Kalek is taking things.
I, too, cleared the fence with only a high step and reached the van, peering in to see Sven at the controls. “Sven! What are you doing?” I asked, the Krakotl officer shivering on the ground in my periphery.
“They got my girl!” He huffed, “She’s a Gojid, they got her, I can’t let them do anything worse to her!” He tried to activate the vehicle to no avail, but his words brought up something that I hadn’t thought much over. I remember hearing about temporary emplacements that were being set up. Paly had texted me about exterminators bringing people there. Her too. And that would mean-
-THOOOOOOOMMMMM-
The wind hit me like a truck and rocked the van I was standing next to. Sven even stopped trying to fiddle with the controls to see what had just happened. In the distance, near the center of town, an enormous black cloud rose into the air, the vestiges of fire still burning in the suspended embers. I couldn’t look away from it as my mind raced with horrible possibilities as my mind tripped over itself trying to concoct a plan of action.
I wasn’t given long to think before the radio in the van crackled to life, startling both Sven and myself. “Attention all True Exterminators! The truth has come out about the taint in our midst! For too long we have lived with its danger in our presence! If any of you still hold the safety of The Herd in your hearts, come join us so we may burn ALL the predator taint from this District! Rendezvous at Vulen’s apartment complex, we shall start our cleansing there!”
The name of one of my landlords sparked familiarity in my mind. They had been working to build a series of new apartments to add to his old, and if I remembered, had agreed to house the Gojid refugees. The Gojid! Paly was housed with them!!
In an instant, I reached into the van and grabbed Sven by the arm. He tried to pull away, but my grip was too strong. “Sven! They’re gonna kill the Gojid! They’re gonna burn Paly!”
He finally managed to shake himself free as my paws became jittery from stress. “I gotta save my girlfriend! She’s in a facility! I gotta save her!”
“But they’re gonna burn people here!” I protested, “we have to do something! We need- We need People who can fight them! Kaeden! I need to get Kaeden! We can save them!”
I pulled myself away from the van and spotted Anso nearby. He must have had to go through the gate, but this was good timing. I pointed a claw at him. “Do Not Let Him drive off before I get back!”
I didn’t give him, nor the Exterminators who had recovered from their shock, time to ask questions. Paly was in danger, as were who knew how many others. I faintly heard my data pad chime from within my shoulder bag, the signal my heart was beating too fast, but I couldn’t deal with it right now. I could get the heart rate under control during the drive. Right now I needed Kaeden, he knew how to fight! How to save people when others were trying to kill them!
My paws guided me and I was back in the cafeteria before I knew it. Some of the crowd had dissipated, but Kaeden and Vichee were still in the same corner I had left them in, but with their Venlil friends now joined. Without leaving time for protest, I grabbed Kaeden’s arm and pulled him away. I heard Vichee squawk behind me, but I was in too much of a hurry. I can’t let her get hurt. I Won’t.
Kaeden started to slap my arm as I dragged the soldier across the lobby. “Tarlim! What the fuck are you doing?? What’s going on?”
“No time, they’re going to burn everyone,” I breathlessly said as I burst the facility doors open to get him to the van.
“What? Who?” Kaeden questioned, still resisting my pull. I could hear a tinge of worry in his voice, and I knew he would understand. Anso looked back from his position as he heard my approach, and upon seeing me dragging Kaeden along, he grew visibly concerned.
“On the radio, something about True Exterminators,” I attempted to explain to him as we neared the gate doors. This time, I simply spread them apart with my free paw, metal screeching against itself as the gate was forced open. “They’re going to burn every cured species they can find, and That Means Paly. I Won’t Let Them.”
Kaeden had stopped struggling as I explained the bare essentials to him, and once we approached the van, he finally had enough sense to ask the right questions. “So what exactly is the plan to stop them? We’re strong, sure, I could probably take most of them. But just two of us against a wall of those flamers?”
“Not two,” I corrected, letting go of his arm and throwing open the back doors of the van. Still seated in the drivers side was Sven, who looked back once he heard me permit entrance into the back. “We have him too.”
“Wh- the LARPer??” Kaeden asked incredulously. I wasn’t familiar with the term he used, but his tone told us all we needed to know. Sven’s eyes narrowed at the perceived insult, but Kaeden continued. “Do either of you have any formal military training?? Rushing down there is only going to get you both killed along with the others! For fucks sake, slow down! We need a plan!”
“T-There won’t be t-time f-for one,” a voice peeped in from behind us. We all turned to face the source, and we found it was the Venlil Exterminator. They recoiled under the sudden gaze of our entire party, but they managed to continue. “I-I recognized the v-voice. It w-was one of the n-new recruits. They m-might as well be Y-Yulpa. If you w-want to stop them, it’s now or n-never.”
We all stared at them for a moment in disbelief that they’d willingly hand over that information to us. They were Exterminators, weren’t they? They should be allied with the voice on the radio! Kaeden, after considering the information, gave voice to my confusion. “And why are you telling us this? You’re an exterminator, shouldn’t you be trying to help them?”
“M-My husband is the Krakotl that was in the van with me!” They yelled back, stamping their footpaw on the ground in agitation. “I-I don’t care what his ancestors did a t-thousand years ago, I will not stand for those zealots burning who knows how many people! We’re not all the same, h-human!”
I was taken aback by their words. I had given up hope that there were any redeemable souls amongst the ranks of those silver-suited brahkasses, but living proof of the contrary stood before us. Their breathing was only matched by mine as my pad continued to chime in my pack. Maybe there’s hope after all.
Kaeden started frantically looking all around, his focused gaze falling on the facility, the exterminator in front of us, and the rising smoke in the distance. After a moment's hesitation, he growled to himself and shook his head. “Fine! Fucking- if you want to prove you’re different, you and your partner stand guard at the gate! They’ll probably try to send a division here, so keep on guard! And for the love of God, go ask for help if that happens!”
My tail wagged behind me as I interpreted what that meant. “So you’ll help us, Kaeden?”
He paused for a second, an agonizing second as he fully took in the situation in his mind. But ultimately, he nodded. “Let’s go, we can figure things out along the way.”
Seizing the moment, Anso quickly jumped into the van and pushed Sven out of the driver's seat, much to their visible frustration. Kaeden quickly hopped into the passenger seat, leaving me with the problem of finding a space that would fit me. I stepped over to the back of the van and threw the doors open.
The flamers and their fuel tanks were useless to us, easy to toss all three sets out onto the ground behind me. I made sure that the flamers were disabled first, of course. Just had to snap the pilot lighters and slice a hose with my claw. Even if these two said they weren’t like these “True Exterminators” I didn’t trust them one bit. I crawled inside the cramped vehicle and wiggled myself to close the doors behind me.
As I got myself settled, I watched as the Venlil Exterminator started to inspect the destroyed remains of their weapons. I squinted a glare at them and positioned myself so they couldn’t enter with me. “You two aren’t coming,” I hissed. “You know why you’re not. Try anything with the humans, and they will stop you.”
I slammed the doors shut as their expressions fell, just in time for Anso to get the van into gear. I curled myself up against the wall of the van, watching out the back window as we sped down the road. We were on our way now. On our way to save Paly and all the people gathered because their ancestors ate meat. My heart hammered in my chest, but I would need to control it for what we were about to do. I needed to focus. I needed to breathe. I needed to be calm.
Focus. Breathe. Calm
Focus.
Breathe.
Calm…
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Memory Transcription Subject: Sol-Vah, Fleeing Predator. Date [Standardized Human Time] October 31st, 2136
My legs couldn’t carry me anymore. I had to keep going, but I didn’t have the strength. My pants became wheezes as my body struggled to keep up with the physical exertion of running almost halfway through town. I hadn’t even looked up before now, at least with eyes not blinded by tears. The pain of Mute’s rejection still stung in my soul, a pain so visceral it threatened to rip me apart worse than any Arxur. Protector, what did I do to deserve this? Is there even a Protector, or did the Federation just- just make that up?
I didn’t have time to think about that now, I needed to get to the office. From what little I caught of the broadcast, Nikonus had said they saved us before. I knew what it likely was, but…I was desperate. I just wanted to go back home and have him embrace me like he did before. The safety and love I had felt from him was still fresh in my mind, and if there was any chance I had to get it back?
I’ll happily take it.
As I approached the office, however, something seemed off. I could smell soot in the air, but not the kind of soot that came from our flamers. This was- was…dirtier smelling, as if the fuel had been impure. Upon looking up, however, I saw something that made my stomach drop. A huge plume of smoke, billowing up into the sky. It shadowed the sun itself with its immensity and hate. Did the Exterminators burn more drugs? Or…or…
I felt a renewed vigor as I started to run towards the plume, hoping against hope that I was wrong. As soon as I turned the corner, though, my worst fears were realized. Where the office once stood now sat a burning stack of glorified rubble, every single window in sight shattered and multiple holes in the outer walls. The building was split, it was as if a giant knife had come down and sloppily sliced off its front half to spill flaming debris everywhere.
I stood in front of the building I had once called my home, surrounded by screams and the awful sound of flames roaring. I knew now there was no hope of salvation, no way this could ever be undone. I would never be able to go back to the way things were, never feel the happiness I had for that brief time. I was doomed to this life, abandoned by my love, and forced to live as an abomination devoid of a home.
I suppose that’s all a predator like me deserves.
[First]- [Prev]- {Next Story!!}
You read it right: This is going to be the final chapter of "Of Giants and Journalists." With the conclusion of Sharnet and Vekna's adventure, we will now take the time to show how this announcement has affected our characters and the galaxy at large. We're excited to announce our new series, Nature of a Giant: Aftermath! This series will not be quite as in-depth temporally as Of Giants and Journalists was, mainly because not as much will be happening in as short of a time. Rest assured, though, there will still be plenty of action across the board! You just won't have to deal with over half the story only covering a week of time!
In that vein, we are also excited to announce we are working on another bonus series, one that was teased a long time ago, Venric Lawven: Legal Legend! It will be filling the gap for content while we work on the first few chapters of Aftermath to make sure the scenes are as quality as they deserve, but will have a reduced upload schedule to once a week to accommodate for writing two series at once. On behalf of both of myself and , we'd like to thank all of our readers for sticking with us on this journey. It's hard to believe this series has been going on for over a year in one form or another, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Thank you all again for your continued support, and we look forward to seeing you again with Legal Legends! And then...
The Aftermath!!

Need to get this off my chest. I'm slowly failing out of grad school and I don't know what to do.
I've been in grad school since 2021, full-time (i.e. not working). I've been "working" on my master's thesis for over a year, full time, with very little to show for it - and the shame I feel is getting to be too much to bear.
Every day for the past year+, I have intended to finally "get to work" - every semester for the past 4 semesters has been "the one" where I'll "finally buckle down" - "I have so much time".
So I eat breakfast, I sit down at my desk and - I can't make myself work. I never know what to do, so I'll procrastinate in 1000 ways. And I've been stuck now for almost 16 months, doing nothing with my life, all the while telling friends, family I just need "one more semester."
I feel immense amounts of shame about this, constantly. It's destroying me.
For context, my advisor is friendly and responsive, but not proactive. He is very responsive when I reach out, but he doesn't reach out to me (I think that's fair, and I know my academic success is my own responsibility). He's supportive, and I told him I'm dealing with some personal issues.
I have a decent foundation of analysis I did and maybe 40+ research papers annotated. Zero writing outside of my year-old proposal.
I looked into ADHD and got a scrip - but the meds don't seem to make anything click.
I'm immensely grateful that my life conditions are such that the bills get paid - but I've now spent nearly 4 years out of work, and I did mostly odd jobs before that. Coupled with my slow failure on this thesis, I feel a massive pit in my stomach when I think about my life. Other students are putting out theses, graduating, getting jobs, some now having started the program after me - & I'm just stuck.
I am seeing a therapist, but 1 hour a week is barely enough.
If I can't complete the thesis - which will be hard to stomach - I can "downgrade" into smaller research projects and get the credits I need. I want to "prove" to myself that I can do the thesis, that I won't throw in the towel - but maybe that's just sunk-cost fallacy. Maybe I need to just move on.
Anyway - couldn't sleep and needed to get this off my chest. Entering the umpteenth "do-or-die" phase. I'm going to keep trying for the next few weeks and see if I can get this off the ground.
tl;dr taking way too long to complete my master's thesis. feel like a major failure.
Words of encouragement would be much appreciated.

My partner and I live in a different city, but we like to come down to our home city once a month to spend time with friends and family. It’s a bit of a drive, but it’s worth it.
When we come to visit, we stay at my partner’s mother’s house, where her sister and brother live as well.
During Covid we decided to do a project in which we turned a large carport area into a studio apartment. Because of the way it’s set up, when the restroom area was built, it got connected to a back door that connects to a laundromat area, with stairs leading to my partner’s siblings’ bedrooms.
It’s convenient for us since we have access to the laundry room by simply going through our restroom area, and likewise, her family sometimes comes in through that area to visits us as well.
Today, we arrive late into the night since I get out fairly late from my job. Upon arriving, her and I decide to spontaneously rearrange some furniture.
We were several feet away from the restroom door, and out of nowhere, her brother (23M) bursts through the door holding an AR type weapon and pointed it at us, and then set it down.
I got startled, and then angrily said:
“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you”
He stood there in shock at my response, and replied “aw man, I didn’t mean to scare you, it’s just Airsoft”
“I don’t give a fuck what it is, I don’t know that” I replied bitterly, “Jesus fucking christ” I said as I picked up a trash bag and stormed out to the room to take the trash outside.
While I was gone, my partner said that her brother was hurt by my words.
“I’ve never seen him like that” he said
“He doesn’t like guns” she told him.
“I don’t know whether to be sad or angry about that” he replied, “you know what? I choose anger” and he left.
WHAT?!
I’ve always had a good relationship with her brother, but over the years his behavior has become concerning.
A couple of months back, he did something similar, but I heard him coming so I anticipated someone coming in through the door. And I also knew at the time that he was getting into airsoft.
No joke, homie came in wearing black gloves, a backwards hat, a black T-shirt, greenish khaki pants and combat boots, while holding an airsoft shotgun.
At the time, I found it shocking but also amusing and said “what in the columbine is this?!”
To my dismay, he found that offensive. But come on, there’s no way he had no idea what he resembled.
Thing is, he’s super into guns. And really into military history, like a little too much.
He’s unemployed, doesn’t go to school, he’s a huge pothead, and probably has depression, and obsessed with guns. Overall, he has a strange aura about him.
I’ve expressed my concern about him several times, but it always gets brushed off in a “boys will be boys” type of reply by his family. My partner is the only one that shares the same concerns.
But the guy isn’t a teenager, he’s almost in his mid 20’s.
I just couldn’t fathom doing something like what he did at his age. He deliberately sneaked into our area to scare us, and then act surprised when his actions were met with anger and disapproval.
Like what did he expect us to say?
“WOW man, the way you silently crept into our living space and pointed that gun at us was SICK”
In what scenario is that normal?
I enter the room after taking the trash out, and I continue to help my partner move stuff around.
Above our space is his room, and I hear a loud thud.
After a few minutes, her brother comes back and gingerly, yet starkly says “hey man, just wanted to come back to apologize”
“Alright man, appreciate that” I replied. “Yall didn’t hear anything just now right?” he responds.
“No, why?” (I did hear something, but I wanted to see what he would say)
“Oh nothing, my hand kinda hurts but it’s alright” he says, then he leaves.
I’m stumped at this point. Bro went upstairs after I get after him, punches a wall in his room, comes back to “apologize” while also subtly mentioning he punched a wall.
This only raised more alarms for me. He’s been trying to get an actual gun for about two years now, but his mother has said that as long as he lives under her roof, there would be no guns allowed in her house.
I couldn’t help but think that he’s the kind of guy to walk around his own home with a gun holstered on his waist, just itching for an opportunity to use it. Maybe I’m being too harsh, but I thought about a scenario where he pulled that exact stunt, but with a real gun.
I don’t like guns. I understand that here in the United States, guns are sacred, especially so in the area where I live.
In my own household, growing up my family never had guns, despite the fact that we lived in a rough area. I never saw the appeal, and I admit that they scare me.
I’m in between apologizing to him, or to stand my ground on the matter.
AITAH?

Hello, my name is Lost Angeles (lmao), and I’m an addict.
I’m 26 years old, and am in recovery (gold chip, baby🙏🏼)for addiction. Unfortunately, my issues and struggles were masked beneath a “high-functioning” exterior and I continued to deceive myself that I was in control. A “recovering people-pleaser”, “how does she do it all??”, kind of asshole…
Don’t have much to say for myself other than I don’t know how to say no to others (‘high performer’ at work, relationship strained, family life tense, friends giving me grief for missing social events for work (sigh.) ) when I feel like I’m going to disappoint them or let them down, I needed more hours in the day, yadda yadda…
I didn’t want to let people down. I didn’t want to be seen as weak. I didn’t want to be a burden.
I was stretched thin and found something that seemingly allowed for me to do it all and it didn’t hurt anyone but me. Secretly. Privately. Unknowingly.
I have since become sober (“We are here and we are free” IYKYK🙏🏼) but have had to take an aggressive, full-time approach to my sobriety. I’m unable to work at the moment and unemployment is no longer available. My parents wish they could help, and if they could, they would, but, they can’t. They’re scared shitless in their own ways. (A sobering tale of two Gen X’ers careeretirement become a casualty to the rapidly changing economic state of the country.)
Trying my best. Working the program. Which means I can’t work a job. Not right now. But the bills don’t pause, and they don’t stop. Working so, SO, hard to overcome an addiction, and I, honestly, need some help right now. Please help if you can. Be it a dollar, a word, a prayer. Accepting all at the moment. Means more than you know.
Thanks for letting me share. Xo

Hey everyone! This post will be deleted in 24 hours, because I don’t want personal details to be tied to my reddit account for privacy, but I have no idea where else to go for this.
I haven’t gone by my legal name outside of family for almost two decades, before even realising I’m a trans man. I’m very comfortable with the name, Jai, I’ve gone by for that long and don’t plan on changing that, but do plan on changing my legal name to Jai.
However, I have two middle names and I have disliked them since I can remember, even as a kid I couldn’t stand them. My Grandmother chose my middle names and I was extremely close with her, but she passed away last year and I’d like to keep the relation to the fact that she chose them.
My middle names initials are A and L. I was thinking of smooshing them together and finding a name that starts with ‘Al’, like Alex, but nothing takes my fancy.
I considered taking her Father’s name, Stanley, as my middle name because she adored him, but that doesn’t seem to take my fancy either. I, then, considered taking my Grandfather’s middle name, Charles, as a dedication to him (his name was Kenneth, as much as I adored him, Jai Kenneth didn’t seem right either) but it doesn’t seem to sit right still.
Then I remembered my Grandparents son, my uncle, who they lost when he was 3 months old and they did so much in their life to keep his memory alive and never forget him.
His name was Lee Anthony. L A. I was thinking if I swapped them around, then my initials don’t change, keeping the initials my Grandmother chose, but also keeping that memory of my Uncle that my Grandparents did so much to keep going.
I’m unsure if it sounds ‘ok’ though? I’m bad at choosing names, I never chose ‘Jai’, old friends did that and it stuck, even though it felt super weird in the beginning but now it feels absolutely right.
Jai Anthony Lee.
I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna go round introducing myself as Jai Anthony Lee, it’s for myself more than anything, but I kind of feel like I need some opinions to help solidify it. 😅
Thanks in advance!

Salam all, I’m 23, I would say my life is comfortable for me (mentally specifically) so my only reason to marry is for a strong partner, affection, romance, to rely on him (for him to thrive in his masculinity and me femininity) which means I have no interest in marriage if it’s a downgrade from the comfort my family provides الحمد لله, which was the case when my hand is asked. Basically I wanted to give a quick introduction about myself which will outline my interests and disinterests in a future husband, (the post might be long as I have to write examples because everyone has different views and I’d like to avoid misunderstandings), my number one priority - STABILITY. I’m talking about all aspects of stability 1.Religious stability- I’m not even going into basics because that’s a given, supporting each other into understanding the Quran and listening to lectures and so on 2. Financial - it’s up and down with money BUT he takes care of the finances no matter what with no lazy attitude 3.emotional stability - emotional intelligence and patience and strong personality to set boundaries when families especially cross them (we have to respect our family members but he wants to enforce boundaries and has his own opinion not spineless agreeing only for the reason his parents suggested something for example), I have ADD which requires a MAN not a boy to put in the effort to understand and learn about it.
My personal reference: His personality revolves around acting for the sake of allah (actions speak louder than words) and what pleases allah swt not the people and has strong loyalty to his religion and culture (ofc traditions that align with what allah dictated otherwise it’s a red flag) I’m Palestinian so you’ll get why I’m set on culture! Fluent in Arabic and appreciates the language as it is لغة القرآن, works out regularly (above 175cm) and seeks health as a lifestyle as again laziness decreases his masculinity which is unattractive and is committed to the health of a relationship wether it’s deep discussions or dates or weekend holidays. Would prefer to spend the first few years in a foreign country basically for more experiences wether it’s work or travel which will increase the privacy and intimacy of a relationship which is also a plus I would prefer to have one child (negotiable but I like to be clear) and small celebrations to cut on costs (invest them in the relationship not the people) I love to cook and bake! But he’ll clean up after because I’ll be dead tired, I think a man would do it anyways without asking him
Everyone has preferences no shame in that, it just shouldn’t transform into skyrocket standards which won’t benefit you بالدنيا و الآخرة. I don’t mind having conversations to discuss this further (respectfully with limits) with someone who’s serious about marriage.
May allah make it easy for all of us and grant us goodness here and the hereafter, thank you.

Is it bad na alam kong mahal ako ng boyfriend ko but I don't feel it? I am 26F and have a 2yr boyfriend 28M. My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation and my bf's is acts of service.
I really do appreciate the things that my boyfriend does. Every weekend he would drive an hour makasama ako and he cooks for me.
I get tired and sometimes irritated ako kasi ako nalang lagi nagiinitiate when it comes to physical touches even in intimacy. I'm the one who holds his hand, hugs him, etc. I can't help but not to ask if he doesn't find me beautiful anymore or baka may iba na.
Again, I really do appreciate my boyfriend. For spending his every weekend with me. Walang palya. Nilalabhan ko damit niya pag andito siya. When he cooks, I clean the kitchen and naghuhugas ng pinaglutuan at kinainan namin. I also like the fact na his family likes me. I find that very rare since wala sa mga naging ex ko na naging ako close ko fam nila.
I talked to him about this and he said "ganon na talaga siya". My friends said, mas okay na he makes efforts to be with me kesa puro salita kulang naman sa gawa. I don't know what to do.

Most of my family calls me jay so I'm more use to that I'm a 12 black guy with braids that have people usually call me karate kid (the jaden smith one) most times I'm currently working part time when I'm not working I prefer gaming with friends whether its in console like a ps4 or ps5 or on vr with my quest 2 outside of gaming theres also watching anime action, horror, slice of life and romance despite my couch potato nature I like to think I don't have that big of a gut but currently working to get it down. I don't really have a specific type so besides not being way over 21 just be chill and I'm chill as for pics I don't mind sending one but be warned I'm not photogenic (don't know if thats the word) as I don't smile in a lot of pics anyway if any of this caught your attention just dm me if I don't answer I'm probably asleep from staying up all night.