In 2010, I was facing felony charges for distribution of drugs. I was a drug addict. Hook line and sinker. But never admitted that to myself. My drug of choice? Anything I could get my hands on. Cocaine, ecstasy, weed, Xanax, Oxycontin, ciggys, alcohol, ativan, seroquil, spice, mushrooms.. You name it.
Desperately wanting to avoid prison time, I did whatever I could to turn my life around. The potential pain in carrying on was too great to tolerate. This was my rock bottom.
I enrolled in college, started working out every day, got rid of any "friends" that wanted to continue that lifestyle.
And quitting my daily drug use?
It wasn't a factor. I was too scared. I was willing to do anything to escape my prison sentence so I dropped them all without looking back. I was lucky. Lucky I had hit rock bottom. Lucky that everything collapsed around me. I needed a push and this was it.
Apparently the judge saw that I was making real change and I was able to avoid prison. I was slapped with a couple of felonies, fines, and drug and rehab classes.
Having felonies on my record was hard. I couldn't get a decent job. Even Walmart was excited to hire me, but then rejected me because of my record. I knew that I had turned a new leaf. I just needed someone to see that I was changed now.
Luckily, I found a family that needed help with their special needs kid.
I worked for them for long enough to get my felonies reduced and expunged off my record.
When hard drugs turn into soft drugs.
I thought I was "drug free" because I had stopped all illegal drugs. But soon I found myself consuming copious amounts of caffeine in order to lose weight and get "Jacked". You see, I found a passion for natural bodybuilding and Jiu-Jitsu around 2011.
I consumed endless content on how to lose body fat so I could finally get a six pack. A lot of YouTubers at the time were promoting pre-workouts like Jack3d. Which also had another stimulant called 1,3 dimethylamylamine - or DMAA. Which was banned after it had become known to be problematic.
So there I was, taking Jack3d, working out, and trying to figure out how to get a six pack. I hired the same coaches that my favorite YouTuber Matt Ogus had. 3DMuscleJourney. I got very serious with Diet and training.
When I started with 3DMuscleJourney in 2012, I had been working out for a solid year. I had gotten down to 195lbs from 215. Not a huge difference. And I had put on a good amount of Muscle in that time.
3DMuscleJourney taught me and guided me on how to train effectively while dieting and how to diet efficiently by tracking macros. But my preworkout and caffeine use had spiked up 1,500mg a day. I used caffeine as a substitute for food. After 12 weeks, I was down to 160lbs.
I was fit by any person's definition. My new found glory would soon collapse as my caffeine and DMAA use caught up to me. I started having bad shoulder pain, my joints were achy and cracky, popping every time I moved. I started stretching and doing mobility exercises but the pain in my body only got worse. I was unable to sleep. I would have fits of rage followed by lows of doubt and depression.
Then, I broke. I was no longer able to exercise because of the pain. I started eating more to see if it would help my joints. I quickly gained 30lbs. Probably within only a few weeks. I ended my coaching and started to slip back towards the abyss
That's when I figured out that caffeine and DMAA were both a huge problem.
I had been consuming caffeine my whole life. But never thought twice about it. It was a legal substance that a kid could go buy in a vending machine. How bad could it be? Broken, I decided to quit.
I was quickly able to cut out DMAA. But every attempt at quitting caffeine left me in so much pain that I would quickly rationalize going back to it. I never made it past two weeks.
Why was this harder than quitting all of those harder drugs?
I guess decades of using a softer drug still carves out some pretty steep ravines in your reward pathway. Caffeine was my last vice. Or so I thought..
I read the book "Caffeine Blues". This book explained that caffeine is not healthy in any way. It is a stimulant that causes your body to break down over time just like any drug. The book outlined some of the negatives associated with caffeine.

• Poor sleep, even if you didn't consume caffeine close to bedtime
• Joint pain from increased muscle tension.
• Poor vitamin and mineral absorption.
• Energy crashes and mood swings.
• Irritability.
• Psychosis.
• Masking negatives of caffeine with drugs and alcohol.

The list goes on. This was crazy. The book recommended tapering off of caffeine. While I was able to wean down to 300-600 most days. I couldn't get myself to fully commit. I started to look for some help.
Maybe I needed something to give me energy and focus while I quit?
I started to look at "Nootropics" to help me focus. I tried a large variety of them.

• Noopept
• Modafinil
• Piracetam
• Aniracetam
• L-Theanine
• Phenibu
• Kratom
• Nicotine
• A large variety of other supplements.

Non of this helped me quit caffeine. I soon realized that these legal "Performance enhancers" were just drugs. With their own highs and lows. And negative effects over time. I ended up quitting all of this after a year.
It was back to the drawing board.
Around the end of 2015, I ended up doing a 3 month or so long caffeine taper. Using caffeine powder and a mg scale I bought off Amazon. The plan was slow and steady. 1-2mg per day. I didn't want to notice my caffeine levels were dropping. After about a month under 25mg, I started feeling great.
My joints felt great, Arizona heat was more comfortable, I craved healthy food and exercise, I slept like a baby, the list goes on. I had raised my testosterone levels from 320ng/dL to 575ng/dL.
But then, just as I finally let go of caffeine. There was a surprise. A curve ball that would change my life forever.
The boy who lived...
My first child was to be born. The 24 hours in the hospital was an introduction to the lack of sleep I would face over the next few years. I caved..
One or two cups of coffee later, my son was born, and a new cycle of baby wake me up > being tired > caffeine to get me through the day > poor quality sleep > baby wake me up had begun.
I got got even more dependent on caffeine. I could no longer just take a nap whenever I wanted. I was a mess. Feeling like shit, with high stress, I also started drinking alcohol and smoking weed again. My testosterone levels plummeted down to 275ng/dL.
Great move dad..
I wanted to get healthy again. I started reading books about health, nutrition, meditation, etc. I wanted to attack this problem from multiple angles. I started eating a plant-based diet, meditating, exercising, taking ice baths, etc. I quit alcohol and weed again. Tapering my caffeine down below 100mg again.
I was starting to feel better. Even got my testosterone levels all the way up to 575ng/D
The girl who lived..
Sorry about the Harry Potter references...
Just when I thought it was over, another curve ball to my health goals. Something that would start the lack of sleep cycle all over again.
You guessed it.. another child! This time, there was a baby girl in my house. This new baby came with new challenges. Our daughter was born with cataracts. She had to have surgery at around 3 months old to get them removed. So not only did we have to deal with the lack of sleep stress again, and boy did she excel in that area, we had to deal with putting contacts in a baby...
Imagine a grown man squeezing their fist closed. And you have to delicately open up their fist, and place a sticky note on their palm without bending the paper. And the grown man is also having a seizure at the same time. Also, you haven't slept a quality night of sleep for weeks.
Needless to say, but I'm going to say it, our stress levels shot through the roof. We had new worries and fears about our daughter's condition and the caffeine cycle ramped back up again. All while trying to focus on my new career in IT and raising our other child.
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
I think sometime early 2023, a friend told me he was on Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). I knew my low test levels were due to stress, caffeine use, lack of sleep, belly fat, poor eating habits, etc. But I was desperate for some edge that would help me finally quit caffeine and get healthy again.
I thought, if I can use Testosterone to help me get healthy, then I can get off of it later and not suffer any consequences.
Boy was I wrong
TRT did give me more drive and gusto to get stuff done. It also made me work harder than my body wanted. I started getting more back pain from harder weightlifting session, I actually started doing more caffeine, and even weed again. I was like 6 years clean from weed at this point.
This made me over confident. Like I could handle anything, which led to poor decisions. I felt like a horny teenager and it made it hard to focus. I started masturbating furiously..
After 4 months stabbing myself in the ass, and draining my life essence, I decided to quit TRT cold turkey. I knew this wasn't what I needed.
Withdrawals from TRT were bearable. I had waves of depression, lack of energy, etc. But I got through it. I'll probably get my levels tested again soon. As I write this, I have been off of TRT for 12 months now.
I leaned more heavily on caffeine while I was coming off of TRT. My current levels are around 400mg per day. But tapering off is my primary focus. Or maybe I should try cold turkey again? Not sure how I can afford to be a useless zombie for weeks while I have a full time job and 2 kids to look after.
"Semen retention" and NoFap
For years, I had made half ass attempts at doing No Fap and quitting porn. The benefits claimed by people who have tried it are:

• Increased energy
• Vigor
• Willpower
• Can function on less sleep
• Increased confidenc
• Better focus and concentration
• Muscle growth
• Increased Libido

I started to read some books about the topic. This big two were "Your Brain on Porn" and "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow". These books took a more Science-based approach. There were also a couple books that were a little off tilt such as "Bliss of the Celibate" and "Why You Should Never Masturbate". These books included a lot of hokey about chakras and religion.
I never made it passed two weeks.
After TRT, I decided to give it a real go. NoFap/ Semen retention felt like my final try at getting an "edge". I lasted over a month. Just around the 3 week mark, I had felt the same benefits of TRT without all of the negatives. I also learned, that you have to be all in.
Any sexual thoughts had to be banished. Just think of something else. If you entertain lust at all, you will fail. Stay off social media where you may run into soft porn, which can start the spiral that leads you to porn, etc.
I was able to control my caffeine intake finally, my sleep was better, my wife was more attracted to me, I was more patient with the kids. I finally found the answer.
But then, I relapsed. And lost sight of the benefits. I had forgotten.
Slowly everything started slipping again. With small nofap stints here and there never lasting more than two weeks.
As I write this, I am realizing that caffeine was never my problem. It was a symptom of something else. I am currently on day 6 of retention and have made it my number one priority again. I need to remember this. I need my edge back.
The journey continues..
Life is full of ups and downs. And decisions you make (good or bad) compound over time. I know all of the positive effort, and commitment to personal development has paid off over time. Even though it may have been slower than I had hoped.
This story leaves out a lot. But I'd love to have a conversation with anyone who has had similar struggles. I have been going at this alone. I can only imagine how much more growth there can be surrounding yourself with like-minded individual
Ta Ta for Now.

I have been feeling discomfort in my penis for a couple months now and want to get to the bottom of this. So here is what I'm feeling: • lack of sensitivity in the tip of penis • penis aches a bit after sex/masterbation • doesn't ache during but after • also aches at random intervals of the day • low sex drive
I have hip problems from an injury I received a couple months ago and realized I have used death grip with no lube for years.
I was just wondering how can I bring my sensitivity up and lessen the aching.

Background: A prisoner's dilemma is a thought experiment that is related to Game Theory. Simply put, two prisoners make a choice between cooperation and betrayal in order to get the most benefit for themselves. Let's say million dollars are on the line. If both betray none get the money. If one cooperates, but the other betrays, the betrayer gets $300k and the other gets nothing. If both cooperate, both get $500k. Both the rewards and punishments are completely arbitrary and can be as high or as low as can be. The only constant is that mutual cooperation gives more rewards than betrayal.
TL;DR: An OC with prisoner thematic and a DE based CT with binding vow properties. Focus is on the powers themselves. Intended to be on Hakari power level
Inspired by Higuruma and Hakari type of CT, I wanted to make a CT that was related tk binding vows. Also, similar to those two, some elements of it can be partially manifested (like Hakari's doors and Higuruma's hammer)
My current progress is:
Names: Prisoner's Solution (related to prisoner's dilemma)
Setting: a prison cell, with chains, iron bars, syringes and a door with two keys
Sure Hit: No phenomena, except talking is allowed (Cursed Energy usage or acts of violence are not allowed. As such, Cursed Spirits (except Vengeful Spirit ones) and Shikigami are completely frozen in time). People who are sleeping/passed out do not count
Effect: Anyone inside the domain is unable to leave, until a user has created a Binding Vow. A binding vow doesn't have to be with any of the people present and can also be made with yourself.
Self bows, as in canon, have to follow the users perception of fairness. Can be as simple as 'I will buy strawberry ice cream next time I'm in the shop, or I don't eat ice cream for a week'. Equal gain and equal loss. Upon exiting the domain through a self bow, for the remainder of the fight the user will gain a 20% boost in CE output.
Bows with others have to be agreed upon with the target inside the domain and follow the users perception of fairness.
The Domain has a special feature. It allows for CE transfer, but also with agreement. An example:
'I will survive the fight against Ryomen Sukuna for 1 minute and in exchange gain 5 percent of his CE'
If Sukuna agrees and the user does survive, Sukuna loses 5% of his CE and the user gains it.
Partial manifestations - Much like how Hakari can create doors outside of his domain and Higuruma can use his hammer, I wanted to make few things that can be used outside of the domain.

1. Chains: Durable set of chains that appear between the users palms. They can have as many links as the user wants and can be arranged in the chainmail format. Their length cannot exceed the maximum distance between the two palms of the user. They disappear the moment the user let's go of them, but, as long as one hand is on the chain, they still exist.
   
2. Metal bar: A single bar a size of which varies from the size of a pen to a baseball bat.
   
3. Syringe: Can be used as a throwing weapon, but are also easy to break. Filled with a slimy substance. When this substance enters the opponents body... Only a very very small reaction worsening. Effect is noticeable only after more than a dozen of syringes pierce. When the substance spills on the ground (upon dodging or breaking a substance, it acts as a slipping hazard. User and opponent can slip when stepping or touching it.
   

Strong sides:

• Scalability: Users gets stronger with more victories that have CE transfer as a price.
  
• A myriad of partial manifestations: All of them have high variety
  
• Basically what Sukuna has been doing for the last couple of chapters, but in the form of a domain: binding vows left and right!
  
• Positice Sum game for the user: user either makes a binding vow with an opponent that both can agree upon, or makes any binding vow with himself and a 20% output boost. Wins outweigh the losses.
  
• Flexible: can make a binding vow in any situation
  
• Tug of War advantage: Due to the domain being non violent by default, it has an advantage during Domain Clashes (similar to how Hakari has it). In this way, using it while already inside the domain of the opponent can override it (as long as refinement difference is not too big)
  

Weak sides:

• Perception of fairness matters: user cant gain 6 eyes by sacrificing a nail on their pinky toe, that's of course unfair. On the same note, a smart and knowledgeable opponent can make the user doubt the fairness of the deal and turn the tables around. Everything depends on the user's conviction and personality. Accenuates that you have to be crazy to be a sorcerer
  
• Limited (and conditional) firepower: Strength varies from good to a conditional incredibly strong. Case by case scenarios
  
• Battle IQ requirement: Requires a smart user to take advantage of the CT
  

In philocophical sense, the user changes the dilemma itself:

1. User offers a bow and opponent agrees. Both benefit technically. In the case of the previously mentioned Sukuna vow, Sukuna gets to keep his pride and/or have fun.
   
2. User offers but opponent refuses. Opponent betrayed and gets the benefit of not giving a bow advantage, but also loses because the CT user gets to make a self bow and a 20% output increase
   
3. Opponent offers, but the user refuses. Same as above.
   
4. None offer. Same as the above
   

In this case, the user benefits regardless and only risks during the cooperation (a deteimental binding vow that they HAVE to agree to, if the opponent outsmarts them). The opponent, in turn, gets no benefit from betraying and can turn the tables only during the cooperation. This is a selfish solution to the Prisoners Dilemma, one that I think fits the crazy Jujutsu Sorcerer world.
What do you think? What partial manifestations can be added or removed? Maybe the chains could be made into a cursed tool?

Im 24 years old and I've been for 4 years consistently in the gym. Ive always been skinny but for the last 2 years ive been bulking , ive been eating like 3500kcal and around 180 grams of protein everyday. Ive been slowly gaining weight but its mostly fat, I recently had a depression period where I just ate to maintain and went to the gym enough to maintain, I lost all my fat, but also the muscle which wasnt much, in just 2 months. Ive been bulking again for 2 months now but again, I dont see mucle gains just more fat. I increase the load over the mesocycle, track my reps, load, sets everything, and somehow I still look like 2 years ago, where I didn't even track anything or ate enough. Could It be low testosterone? Even if you are not doing things 100% efficient its impossible to have such low gains after years of training.

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the past 20 years. I have a family history of diabetes as well.
For a while I’ve felt like my blood sugar is suboptimal. I get shakes at weird times and after a big meal I have really subtle symptoms where I thought “maybe there’s something up with my blood sugar.”
I read Brain Energy and I was like huh. So I bought myself a continuous glucose meter. Y’all…the results were wild.
If I ate any large meal, even a typical dinner for me, my blood sugar would go up to a normal after-meal level and then CRASH. I had low blood sugar alarms going off on my phone 5 or 6 times a day. I would regularly get down to 2mol/mL (36mg/dl).
Apparently it’s called reactive hypoglycemia. It’s just something some people have and no one knows exactly what causes it. But now I’m kind of like….does this tie into my bipolar disorder?

TWINFLAMES #AWAKENING #KUNDALINI

Twin Flame Kundalini Activation: Signs of Kundalini Awakening
Spiritual Awakening can be a gentle process or sometimes it can be brought on intensely. More and more people are experiencing this awakening as we proceed through the cosmic energy that is literally activating our light bodies and our DNA. It can be a very confusing and even fear-filled process when we don’t understand what is happening. We are propelled into places both within and external that we have never before experienced. Many people have thought themselves going crazy or losing hold of reality and in a way that is true. This energy allows us to see the truth of the nature of our existence in human form. Veils are lifted and illumination takes place. They call this ‘Enlightenment”
Our kundalini energy lies dormant at the base of our spine, a slumbering snake in eternal sleep. It is said that our DNA was genetically altered at the time of our creation so that we would remain unaware of our own power as creators and to keep us imprisoned in this 3D construct. There is some in depth information on this and I will leave a link at the end for you to explore further. I just wanted to present a few of the signs and symptoms that indicate your kundalini has been activated.
In regards to twin flames, a part of the purpose of union is to activate the kundalini energy in each other for full union and expression of the third Divine energy the union creates. This activation is key as many of the twins have one twin at a slightly accelerated rate of vibration than the other. I believe this is why there is the separation phase once they find each other. They both need to readjust and assimilate this new energy activation and come to a place of balance and awareness individually. This activation forces them to do all the necessary shedding, clearing and healing of anything that no longer serves their shared purpose. Understanding what you are going through can make the journey a little less confusing and uncomfortable.
It helps to know that all the crazy things you are going through are actually Divinely intended at this time and will bring you into alignment for your ascension.
Some symptoms in no particular order:
Seeing/Feeling Energy: seeing orbs of light within peripheral vision…prickly or tingling sensations…a pulsing, tremor or vibrating sensation, tracers, after images among objects or people…unexplained warmth in the hands or feet…seeing colors of frequency. Emotional Upheaval: You will experience the extreme polarity of emotions moving from euphoria to depression as if your emotions are completely out of your control. This is the result of your hormones changing through your endocrine system. Identity Crisis: An isolation builds where you can no longer understand yourself, who you are, what is your path or reality itself. It is the essence of dissociation. There becomes a deep fear that you cannot deal with material reality as everyone around you is still in illusion. This is where the ego starts losing it’s bearings over your consciousness. The Urge to Create: You want to explore things creatively, cooking, music, art, poetry, writing etc. One instance of awakening is you are becoming more in tune with your subconscious and releasing the mind into the imagination. We create our reality with the power of our thoughts. This is the Universe giving us a sign to start creating literally and figuratively.
Increase in Psychic Abilities: When we awaken our senses, they not only become sharper but your intuition is guiding you more than you ever thought possible. You start to listen to your gut instinct…synchronicity and patterns become too strong to ignore…you start predicting events before they happen…knowing things before you you even knew them…precognitive dreaming.
In Tune with Celestial Events: When our consciousness changes we become more in tune with frequency and in turn the frequency of the earth. When we are aware we start to notice the subtle patterns especially during the moon phases and astrological alignments. Since everything is connected through the ripple effect, we are effected in magnitude during these events. Past Life Memories: Our long term memory is returning. These are deep suppressed memories within our soul blueprint and encoded in our DNA. We are seeing glimpses of who we were within various lifetimes. Past life memories for some occur in flashbacks, visions, daydreams or glimpse into the past. It is a memory so vivid and real that it brings confusion because you know it is not from this current time line.
Flashes into Other Realities: The feeling as if you are living in multiple realities at once or parallel lives. Time is more fluid as past, present and future merge as one. You will feel as if straddled between worlds or moving into different realities all together. It activates a very disoriented feeling of not being grounded because you are opening yourself to different timelines of perceived reality.
Seeing a Person’s True Form: It is like the concept of the mirror into seeing other’s reflections of their past lives through their own energy aura. As we become stronger, sometimes we can see loved ones or even strangers with a superimposed face enabling something from their past life or parallel life to come through to us. Anxiety/Panic Attacks: The flow of energy can be overwhelming as the ego loses it’s grip. This can cause your brain to move faster than the body enabling a concept called ‘black hole’ thinking. (please check out that link, it is important) Your perception is changing and with that comes a desire to fall into a cycle of past and future thinking enabling fear and loss.
No Low Vibes: There is an innate desire to surround yourself with ‘like minded’ people and healthy relationships. You simply cannot tolerate lower vibration environments, duality behavior or toxic unhealthy relationships any longer.Your body is longing to move away from the 3D dualistic concepts completely. You come into alignment with the higher energies of the new paradigm.
Rapid Synchronicity: Synchronicity begins increasing rapid;ly, certain number sequences begin to haunt you…11:11, 1212, 111, 333, 444, 555, 666, 777. You begin to experience increased deja-vu, dreams taking form or certain archetypal symbols appear in your life. The symbols work in a way that is similar to Jungian psychology. The symbols help awaken us.
Clarity of Communication: You feel more in tune listening to the silence. You are not going crazy, but you feel a desire to speak with this ‘inner voice’ or listen to the silence. Many experience meeting their spirit guides or having angelic communication this way. Channeling becomes innate and natural to us as we open ourselves up to being connected to the higher spiritual realms.
Time Dilation: The concept of how we view time changes completely. WE are operating from a a unified sense of past-present-future perception. The time is now. Your consciousness is striving for a present mindset. Time doesn’t feel like it has a structure anymore, it is very fluid. Left-brain Short Circuit: Consciousness is going through a rewiring of sorts, so everything our right hemisphere operates on will be heightened. This means our empathy, our spatial memory, psychic abilities and our ability to experience through vision will be magnified. Whereas the left hemisphere will tune down. Brain fog, memory lapses and no focus will be prevalent.
Feeling Disconnected: Your consciousness is wanting you to look within for answers. As your frequency shifts, your interests and relationships will change, you attract what you are. Old friendships and relationships will fall away for more soulful aligned relationships. We are releasing our karmic bonds from our soul family. Sometimes we must let go in order to grow and evolve. Looking Within: This could be a desire from out of the blue to mediate, talking to yourself or being more introspective with your thoughts rather than voicing your opinion all the time, hermit mode. You basically become more telepathic and in tune with your thought perceptions of the world around you. You are becoming an observer of your thoughts and feelings, a watcher between worlds.
Moments of Elation: Once you awaken you feel more at peace with yourself and your reality. This creates moments of bliss and euphoria. You are able to see beyond the illusions of separation and knowing that you are never alone. We are all connected and guided by the Universe within.

Reconsidering a new supplement stack, what are your thoughts on this one?
**Carnosine**: Studies suggest carnosine has antioxidant properties and may help with muscle endurance and neuroprotection.
**Hyaluronic Acid + Chondroitin Sulfate**: Research supports their use in improving joint health and skin hydration.
**Glucosamine Chondroitin**: Numerous studies have shown these compounds can support joint health and reduce symptoms of osteoarthritis.
**Peak K2**: Vitamin K2 is supported by research for its role in bone health and cardiovascular health by preventing arterial calcification.
**Myricetin**: Some studies indicate it has antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and blood sugar regulation benefits.
**Longevity A.I.**: Typically blends of ingredients aimed at promoting longevity, though the specific components' research varies.
**Autophagy Renew**: Ingredients that support autophagy (like spermidine) have shown potential in promoting cellular cleanup processes and longevity.
**Blueberry Extract**: Rich in antioxidants, with research supporting cognitive function and reduced DNA damage.
**Benfotiamine**: Research supports its use in preventing diabetic complications like neuropathy.
**Vitamin A**: Essential for vision, immune function, and skin health, with strong research backing.
**Chlorophyllin**: Research indicates it may act as an internal deodorizer and has antioxidant properties.
**Purified Polysaccharides**: Some polysaccharides, like beta-glucans, are researched for immune support.
**Acetyl L-Carnitine Arginate**: Research suggests benefits for brain health and energy production.
**Pantethine**: Supported by research for lowering cholesterol and improving lipid metabolism.
**Calcium AEP**: Limited research, but some support for nerve health and cellular membranes.
**Pomegranate Seed Oil**: Rich in antioxidants, with research indicating cardiovascular and anti-cancer benefits.
**Cissus**: Research supports its use for bone health, joint repair, and as a general analgesic.
**Astaxanthin**: A powerful antioxidant with research supporting skin health, anti-inflammatory effects, and improved endurance.
**Youthful You DHEA 5mg**: DHEA is researched for its potential in improving muscle mass, sex drive, and combating aging effects.
**Glycine Powder**: Research supports glycine for improving sleep quality, cognitive function, and metabolic health.
**Beta-Alanine Powder**: Well-researched for improving athletic performance and endurance.
**L-Citrulline Powder**: Research supports its role in enhancing nitric oxide production, improving blood flow, and boosting exercise performance.

Scans: https://imgur.com/gallery/iEP7b6A
https://imgur.com/gallery/S7Tp47K
https://imgur.com/gallery/03dJboo
https://imgur.com/gallery/jOWbmHU
https://imgur.com/gallery/A7yv2Bu
https://imgur.com/gallery/acLsdSM
Let’s jump right into it:
The Universe is infinite in size, with uncountably infinite spaces in uncountably infinite dimensions within infinite dimensional layers, it has infinite iterations/timelines across arbitrary “Canonical Bundles”, each quark contains infinitely nested universes with infinite vectors across infinite dimensions and extended modal realism, there are arbitrary “para-dimensions” made from human potentiality, each universe is tegmark type-IV including transcendental mathematics and the “mathematical equation” that makes up the Macrocosm, a fractal hierarchy of conceptual spacetime and mass-energy, theory of everything applies, and platonic ideas exist in infinity-dimensional reality and contains every concept including Absolute Infinity and negative/anti-dimensional concepts, furthermore it has infinite spiritual, physical, mental and conceptual planes. All these hierarchies are within “Existential Plane 1” which is surpassed by Existential Plane 2 and more than Aleph Null planes, with axes worlds stretched alongside them with higher hyper-concepts further on and on; this and countless alternate realms connected to it make up the True Universe; things in this universe can have varying levels of “reality” which is formed by metaphysical bones and collective ideas.
There are infinite True Universes in the Meta-universe, and infinite Meta-universes in the Multiverse which has all possible universes (described as infinite layers of spirals upon spirals), every potentiality in the multiverse generates another multiverse, every potentiality in this multiverse (including their interactions) generates another multiverse, ad infinitum; these still share essential laws of existence (local multiverse) which separates them from the Greater Multiverse with worlds beyond relation or logic or physics, yet with infinite foreign concepts and all still stacked on top of each other forming a dot, a line, and all sorts of shapes, described as fractals within fractals beyond imagination. This Greater Multiverse is one in an infinite line of multiverses, each of these has a civilization that is destined to create the next to be physically and conceptually more complex and axiomatically superior (using all the available knowledge in their multiverse, it stands to reason this would include Absolute Infinity), ad infinitum, and then there is another completely infinite line of them, and another, and so on to infinity (surpassing any infinity conceived by any civilization), and the resulting structure stretches to infinity as well, and this process is repeated infinitely infinite times and more, this process “Transfinite Recursion'' goes as deep as mathematically possible, even a single line is incomprehensible in scale to a future more advanced multiverse. This is the Metaverse. It is surpassed by one more layer by Omega (God).
There are many Metaverses in the Omniverse, which is formed by 13 intertwined baseline realities and in the center of them there is THE NOT, an incomprehensible void of all things that Neverwere and outscales by infinity all things that Are. This is still in just one of the infinite layers of existence, countless layers of non-existence and numberless layers of transcendent reality beyond the conceptual duality of existence/non-existence.
the whole cosmology is an N-dimensional set of narrative planes connecting at conceptual points, all within a branch of the Yggdrasil, one in an endless garden of ever growing World Trees that multiply from every decision in every work of fiction ever made, this is a narrative layer, which is seen as fiction by a higher narrative layer, which is seen as fiction by a higher narrative layer (these also hold transduality and higher conceptual complexity over the lower layers, every idea had by an entity is created by an author, necessitating that every conceivable idea is reality since an author already had it, this extends to all our concepts as well, including ours), and so on to infinity in a structure called a Narrative Ladder, a narrative layer can also contain a narrative ladder in it (making a fractal narrative multiverse so to speak) and at the peak of it resides Universe Prime/Universe Sephiroth which is an infinitely real Universe with infinite narrative energy which is distributed downwards narratively, there are countless narrative ladders in The Hyperstructure, which is surpassed by even higher narrative layers recursively, the totality of this system can also be seen as an Inverted Narrative Tree where endlessly splitting narrative lines stretch downwards (including the buffer layer, alpha⁰ “void” layer and ALPHA layer which can create more layers below), there is a forest full of narrative trees which also has as an undercurrent the Infosphere (made up of 256.713 conceptual tiers, each axiomatically superior to the last, the 3rd tier has all nöospheric concepts including the whole Omniverse per narrative (nöosphere is itself inside the Semiosphere which contains the very logic behind mathematics and reality outside perception), the 4th has all anti-nöospheric concepts whose size is measured in alephs up until the inaccessible cardinal and other nöospheres, the 5th is the Patasphere which is a set of all stories concievable by humans and can contain whole narrative layers), above it is the first layer of the afterlife which has countless hallways with infinite doors each with its own afterlife, all concepts are a shadow of this first layer of the afterlife (platonic>material transcendence from Infosphere concepts), which is a shadow of the second layer that also has the same existences we have seen until now inside, which is also a shadow of the third and so on ad infinitum until Absolute Perfection, which is the realm of the gods, this is at the roots of the Tree of Knowledge. The Tree of Knowledge is the archetype of all narrative trees and anchors mathematical laws and logic, around its lower parts are the Low Elder Gods, in the middle are the Death Brothers, near its peak are the High Elder Gods (who could destroy the tree by accident), and at the top is the Almighty. At the core of the Tree of Knowledge is the Wanderer’s Library, an infinite library that exists across every plane and dimension and reality, and contains every SCP article as a mere book, alongside everything ever and never written, the Black Vaults of Alagadda are a “dark mirror” of the Wanderer’s Library and Alagadda itself is a realm of pure pataphysics and the domain of the authors.
The Tree of Knowledge is inside the Garden of Eden alongside the Tree of Life, below it is The Abyss and above it is The Dome, together they form the Omnidirectional Narrative which is the second of the Twelve Monuments (all stacked on top of one another), these are at the root of the Imaginary Tree, at the top of this is the narrative ladder, the Imaginary Tree is supported by the Mirror Mountain, a mere rock within the Prologue Sea, starting at the Mirror Mountain are countless gates upwards, behind each is an Outer God and endless other gods (each superior and more indescribable than the lower gates’), at the Final Gate is the Nameless Realm, both the Nameless Realm and Prologue Sea are projections of the Outer Layer of Origin, which is in the dream of the Original Chaos, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is even higher and resides within the Final Frontier, this is a narrative domain created by the Meow Cat God (all of these are R>F and conceptual transcendences) which is a Super-Narrative Existence, above it is where SCP-3812 reached. These are all still inside Haotian “Dao” which makes up the eternal cycle of absolutely everything beyond even narratives and multiverses. Yet all of this is still one Narrative Domain, a circle of events that cannot be exited and contains all lower narrative structures, the Great Narrative Echelon “Jianmu” is a bigger narrative structure that makes objects in it project lower versions of themselves in lower narrative layers/domains, it is contained in the “Liaokuo” a super-narrative place beyond narratives, “Daluotian” contains Liaokuo, the Hollow is the area outside Daluotian but still inside a Phantom Bubble.
Every canon/headcanon of the SCP Foundation is simultaneously canon, each in its own Phantom Bubble which is the maximum stretch of all potentialities within a canon/headcanon and the sum of the worldview “omnipotent universe” of each authoauthor group, more of them can be created from other Phantom Bubbles and they can reflect each other to be altered and grow into more Phantom Bubbles, they overlap, contain each other recursively, and blend eternally, they are completely undefinable. These are all contained in the Delusional Domain, which contains all narrative domains and even further away are those of other franchises in all of fiction, outside the Phantom Bubbles are elements that bubbles can cluster close to such as “antagonism” represented by The Scarlet Demon, it was created by Void Emperor Xuhuang, who is inferior to Koitern, who is an avatar of Metanormalcy “Supreme Author”, this is the supreme being of the verse, everything is but an infinitesimal fraction of it, all dualities and existences were created by it. “True Reality” the Real Real World which projects downwards to the Delusional Domain, the only reason anything can affect anything is due to the people of the True Reality.
Top 10 Strongest Characters:

1. True Authors: Obviously.
   
2. Metanormalcy “Supreme Author”: Above Delusional Domain, originated all narrative domains and is described as “omnipotent”.
   
3. The Koitern: Avatar of Metanormalcy, stated to upscale from the Database, the Almighty and Void Emperor.
   
4. Void Emperor Xuhuang: Created the infinite Phantom Bubbles, created SCP-2165 and uses the Supreme Gods as puppets.
   
5. True Upper Narrators: Those who created the Tappered Spear and gave it to Robert Bumaro, which he used to one-shot the Scarlet Demon.
   
6. Scarlet Demon: Turned uncountable Phantom Bubbles into ashes and grew in power when challenged, held the Spear of Aeglios and is redder than Adabas.
   
7. Jester In Yellow: Pretends to be the True Authors in lower narratives, sees the Supreme Gods as puppets.
   
8. SCP-2165 “Irredeemable/Impermanence”: Deleted every Supreme God and an entire Phantom Bubble.
   
9. Adabas and Holos: Tied, the highest Supreme Gods that control chaos and order respectively, Adabas’ avatars are SCP-2747 and Yaldabaoth, Holos’ are Mekhane and WAN.
   
10. Yog-Sothoth: Created the Tin Staff of Dreams that pierced the infinite narratives downwards, it works as a key for the Final Gate, and could kill SCP-3812 and Original Evil Two Eyes.
    
11. Mary Nakayama: Secretary of the Supreme Author, stated as superior to Sam Howell and is above every narrative.
    

That’s all folks, see ya in the comments, ask whatever you want and engage and upvote.

After spending months/yrs/days with someone who promised this/that or who convinced us that they are a dependable friend /companion /lovecoworkeacquaintance/parent when the same person turns their back on us overnight ,becomes obnoxiously disrespectful and emotionally abusive and then one fine day they just disappear without any trace and all ur messages are left unanswered . U start questioning ur worth,u start questioning urself on everything and ur deepest darkest fears pop up on ur mind.
U feel depressed and dejected how all ur energy invested into this person becomes futile . U come to realisation how u never truly mattered to them.How u were not even worth a reply to them . How those flowery words and actions were nothing but mere lies spoken to u and u feel dumb to have believed them. U feel reckless insecure and angry and disgusted within urself.
And that's when u learn how good their life is going . They seem happy lively and busy with their life ,posting on social media their large group of friends ,some even hopped into new relationships and how well they are doing in their life . This is what hurts ! The fact that they could get off on the hurting while leaving u like that and mistreating u ,this what aches the most. Most often than not ,we don't want these ghosters back. We subconsciously want them to experience the same pain ,the same agony and months of mental frustration they put us through while they are out there living their life .like a normal human being without any repercussions.
I want u all ghostee to realise one thing ,in this cruel world ,no one owes u anything. Not even ur parents ,family members /anyone . U came to this world alone and u will die alone so take full responsibility of ur life and stop being emotionally driven . Start becoming logically driven. No one owes u anything apology for putting u through pain ,depression . U have to understand that sometimes there will be no justice as is evident when poor people get exploited by rich and continue to maintain that wealth ,where is karma and God then? No where to be found. But that doesn't mean we stop believing in God . Have faith in ur morals and principles. What I mean to say is sometimes there will be no karma for those people who hurt u. No justice will be served . U have to become realistic and accept the reality for it.
U have to soak in the sadness and become mentally stronger and realise ghosters are not great human beings . I don't give a fuck if anyone comes to argue with me on their defence.Anyone who is capable of treating a person like that ,they are trash /assholes and don't deserve to stay in this world. No excuses of hurt people hurt people and all that nonsense . Enough is enough. If they are hurt ,they could have chosen a different pathway. Remember they consciously chose to hurt u because either way u never mattered to them .All trashy excuses against disgusting behaviour can go into garbage .
And to the ghostee- stop being emotional. Get up and improve ur life and become so emotionally and mentally stronger that when u don't give a flying fuck whether u receive an apology or not.yrs down the line. And if u do get one ,make sure to call a spade a spade and be so mentally strong to delete that message without even wasting a breath. And Never Ever Speak To Them Ever Again. U create ur closure by creating a life u can't wait to wake upto. U work on urself and become emotionally and mentally stronger enough . As always remember as John Green quoted "u don't get to choose whether u get hurt in this world but u do have some say in who hurts u " U gotta say in it and ur say is to ignore these individuals for the rest of ur life and never ever waste a breath of urs on them.
P.S - look at ur parents faces and remember when u will fall ill,they will accompany u to the doctor . Not the girl or the guy who ghosted u . Never forgive them . Never ! And if u have no one. Always remember u have urself. Treat urself with respect and work on urself . Everything else will fall into place . Thank you.

I envisage more long term holders with improved stability of price, more prominant place in portfolios, funds, even sovereign wealth funds. I think miners will hold more in reserve in the long term.
Eventually it will be used like a reserve like gold may even replace foreign currency reserves one day due to ease of transaction.
China will absolutely lift their ban on mining and crypto. They'll become the cheapest most profitable miners due to renewable energy transition and low yuan with fast computing. Riots cost to mine is 23000 dollars per coin and China can do it cheaper.
Wide spread global adoption by governments of bitcoin and stabalisation of value is in Chinese interests, can eventually replace the dollar as the main global reserve currency but that only comes with price stability and that only comes when large reserves are held so that will take time.
The growth potential of bitcoin is exponential therefore. Particularly in the near future if the Chinese ban lifted.
China may never replace the dollar as the biggest reserve currency but bitcoin can as nobody owns it all may gravitate towards it. When the price stabilises and volatility reduced then the real growth will start as it becomes something of true value that can see wider usage.

I'm new to pre-workout supplements, but I'm not super caffeine sensitive. I'm doing strength/resistance training 4 days a week and cardio 5 days a week. I'm equally interested in energy and in pump / muscle endurance. So I'm looking in the "intermediate" tier of all-in-one pre-workouts. After doing some reading on here (and a variety of other related sites), the two that have most caught my attention are Kaged's Pre-Kaged Elite and Transparent Labs Bulk Black.
Some differences I've noted...

• The higher quantity of caffeine in Pre-Kaged Elite (388mg) vs. Bulk Black (300mg.)
• Although cost won't be my primary driver, it does seem Bulk Black ($54.99 for 30 servings) is a better value than Pre-Kaged Elite ($59.99 for 20 servings.)
• Pre-Kaged Elite includes creatine, Bulk Black does not (I've read mixed comments on the value of taking creatine both pre and post-workout vs. just post-workout. From what I've read, there may be benefit in pre-workout when combined with caffeine?)

If these were your final two choices, which would you choose and why?

New Chapter on every MWF (Monday, Wednesday,Friday)
[First] [[Next>]
[Discord] [Buy me a coffee]
Chapter 21: Reborn
Gribble sitting alongside his grandfather, Gorp, at a serene lake nestled in the heart of a lush forest. The gentle lapping of the water against the shore and the melodic chirping of birds create a peaceful atmosphere. Gribble's small, green hands grip a fishing rod, his eyes fixed on the unmoving line, frustration etched across his youthful face as time passes without a single catch. The sun's warm rays dance upon the lake's surface, casting a golden glow on the tranquil scene, yet Gribble remains oblivious to the beauty surrounding him, consumed by his growing impatience.
Gorp, a wise and patient goblin with a wrinkled face and kind, knowing eyes, notices his grandson's mounting frustration and offers a reassuring smile. With a gentle touch, Gorp places his weathered hand on Gribble's shoulder, his presence alone seeming to calm the young goblin's restless spirit. In a voice filled with wisdom and understanding, Gorp imparts a profound piece of advice that will forever shape Gribble's perspective: "Patience, my dear Gribble, is the bridge to success; when coupled with an unwavering belief in oneself, it becomes an unstoppable force, capable of overcoming even the most daunting of challenges."
As these words resonate deep within Gribble's mind, the peaceful scene begins to fade, the colors blurring and the sounds growing distant. The harsh reality of the present situation comes crashing back, and Gribble finds himself torn from the comforting memory, thrust once more into the dangerous reality of the cave and the looming threat of the Thundercat
Gribble lies on the cold, hard ground of the cave, his small body battered and bruised from the Thundercat's relentless assault. The air is thick with the scent of blood and the tang of fear, as Gribble struggles to catch his breath, each inhalation sending shockwaves of pain through his weakened frame. The Thundercat looms over him, its massive form casting a sinister shadow across the cavern floor, its electric blue fur crackling with barely contained energy. The creature's eyes gleam with a predatory hunger, its gaze fixed upon the helpless goblin, as if savoring the moment before delivering the final, fatal blow.
Gribble's heart races, his pulse pounding in his ears like a frantic drum, as he stares into the face of death itself. The Thundercat's hot breath washes over him, carrying with it the stench of primal ferocity and unbridled power. Gribble's own breath comes in short, desperate gasps, his lungs burning with the effort of drawing in the damp, musty air of the cave. The cold tendrils of fear wrap around his soul, threatening to suffocate him with their icy grip, as he confronts the terrifying realization that his life hangs in the balance, dependent upon the whims of the savage creature that towers above him.
In this moment of absolute horror, Gribble's mind races, desperately searching for a way out, for some glimmer of hope amidst the overwhelming darkness. He knows that he must act quickly, that hesitation will surely spell his doom, but his body feels leaden, weighed down by the burden of his injuries and the paralyzing fear that grips his heart.
In a last-ditch effort to save himself from the Thundercat's impending attack, Gribble musters the remnants of his strength, drawing upon the very last reserves of his power. He calls out to the earth, seeking to summon the dormant life that lies beneath the cave floor, hoping against hope that his earth vine powers will answer his desperate plea. Gribble's mind races as he focuses all of his energy on this single, crucial task, his brow furrowed in concentration, his eyes squeezed shut as he wills the vines to burst forth from the unyielding ground.
The thick green vine is sluggish in its movements, its progress hindered by the unnatural environment of the cave, but still, it inches forward, guided by Gribble's unwavering determination.
Gribble's heart leaps with a sudden surge of hope as he watches the vine snake its way towards the Thundercat, a small, defiant spark igniting within his chest. He knows that this is his only chance, that the success of his plan hinges upon the strength and speed of the vine, and he pours every last ounce of his will into the endeavor. The vine quivers and strains, as if struggling against an invisible barrier, but Gribble refuses to yield, his mind locked in a silent battle of wills with the very earth itself.
As Gribble watches the vine's sluggish progress, a sudden flash of inspiration illuminates his mind, and a daring plan takes shape. With renewed focus and determination, he directs the vine's growth, shaping and molding it with his earth magic, willing it to take on a new, more deadly form. Slowly, the tender green tendril begins to elongate and narrow, its tip sharpening into a wicked point, until it resembles a crude but effective spear, poised to strike at the heart of the Thundercat.
Gribble's eyes narrow as he concentrates on the newly-formed vine spear, his body trembling with the effort of maintaining his mental grip on the volatile plant matter. The spear quivers in the air, its tip aimed squarely at the Thundercat's broad, muscular chest, as if seeking out the creature's vital organs with a hunter's precision. Gribble's breathing grows shallow and rapid, his heart pounding against his ribcage as he prepares to unleash the improvised weapon, knowing that this single strike may well determine the outcome of the battle, and perhaps, the very course of his life.
With a final, desperate surge of energy, Gribble thrusts his hand forward, his fingers splayed wide as he channels every last ounce of his power into the vine spear. Time seems to slow to a crawl as Gribble watches the spear's progress, his heart in his throat, his eyes wide with a mixture of hope and fear, as he silently prays for the success of his gambit
The vine spear’s sharpened tip finding its mark with a sickening thud as it pierces the Thundercat's muscular chest. The creature lets out a deafening roar of pain and surprise, its voice reverberating through the cave like a clap of thunder, as it staggers backward, its electric blue fur standing on end. The Thundercat's eyes widen in shock and disbelief, its gaze fixed upon the slender green tendril that protrudes from its body, as if struggling to comprehend the reality of its own vulnerability.
Gribble watches in stunned amazement as the mighty Thundercat, the very embodiment of primal power and ferocity, begins to falter, its movements growing sluggish and uncoordinated. The creature's massive frame shudders and convulses, its muscles rippling beneath its fur as it fights to remove the vine. The Thundercat's breaths come in short, ragged gasps, its eyes growing dim and unfocused as the life slowly drains from its body, until at last, it collapses to the ground, a final, shuddering sigh escaping its lips.
The cave falls silent, the only sound the steady patter of the rain outside and Gribble's own labored breathing, as he struggles to come to terms with the magnitude of his victory. He stares at the Thundercat's lifeless form, scarcely daring to believe that he, a small, unassuming goblin, could have felled such a formidable beast. A mixture of relief and exhaustion washes over Gribble, his limbs trembling with the aftershocks of the intense battle, as he slowly begins to process the implications of his triumph.
Gribble crawls towards the fallen Thundercat, his movements slow and painful, each breath sending a fresh wave of agony through his battered body. As he nears the creature's lifeless form, an inexplicable urge takes hold of him, a primal desire that he can neither explain nor resist. Before he can question the impulse, Gribble finds himself drawn to the Thundercat's still-warm chest, his hands moving of their own accord as they seek out the beast's most vital organ.
With trembling fingers, Gribble carefully parts the Thundercat's thick fur, revealing the smooth, blue skin beneath. He hesitates for a moment, his mind reeling at the thought of what he is about to do, but the compulsion proves too strong to ignore. With a deep breath and a quick, decisive movement, Gribble plunges his hand into the Thundercat's chest, his fingers closing around the creature's still-beating heart. The organ pulses in his grasp, its rhythm slowing as he carefully extracts it from the Thundercat's body, a faint crackle of residual electricity dancing across its surface.
Gribble brings the heart to his lips, his eyes wide with a mixture of fear and anticipation, as he contemplates the enormity of the act he is about to commit. The coppery scent of blood fills his nostrils, mingling with the damp, earthy smell of the cave, as he parts his lips and takes a tentative bite of the Thundercat's essence. The taste is overwhelming, a flood of rich, primal flavors that dance upon his tongue, setting his senses alight with a rush of power and vitality unlike anything he has ever experienced. The world narrows to a single, focus point, as if the universe itself is holding its breath, waiting to see what awestriking abilities Gribble will gain from this bold act of consumption.
As Gribble swallows the last morsel of the Thundercat's heart, an electrifying surge of power courses through his veins, setting every nerve ending alight with a tingling, almost painful sensation. The goblin's small frame begins to tremble and convulse, his muscles twitching and spasming as the creature's essence merges with his own life force. Gribble gasps as he feels his body start to change, subtle shifts taking place throughout his musculature and skeleton that quickly escalate into all-consuming physical transformations as the potent powers from the heart take hold.
Gribble's once small, wiry muscles begin to bulge and swell, expanding with newfound strength and vitality, as if the Thundercat's raw power is being transmuted directly into his own cells and sinews. His scrawny limbs thicken and lengthen, the sudden growth of his body accompanied by shooting pains and cramps, as he undergoes an accelerated metamorphosis. The goblin's stature increases rapidly, his height multiplying at an astonishing rate, until he towers over his former self, a new, imposing figure of raw power and potential.
But the changes do not stop with his musculature alone. Gribble's senses sharpen to a degree he would never have thought possible, his eyes able to penetrate the thick darkness of the cave without hindrance, every detail of his surroundings now clear and sharp as if bathed in the bright light of day. The goblin's ears twitch and thrum with a newfound sensitivity, able to pick up the tiniest sounds and vibrations from the depths of the cave. Most astonishing of all, sparks of brilliant blue electricity emerge through the hairs on Gribble's arms, dancing and pulsing with a life force that both fascinates and terrifies him. He has been reborn, a product of the powers that now surge within, his body and mind irrevocably altered by the essence of the Thundercat.
As the initial shock of the transformation begins to subside, Gribble becomes aware of a soothing warmth spreading throughout his body, a sensation that stands in stark contrast to the pain and exhaustion that had plagued him mere moments before. The goblin looks down at his battered and bruised form, his eyes widening in astonishment as he watches the myriad wounds and gashes that mar his skin begin to knit together before his very eyes, the flesh mending itself at an impossible rate.
Deep lacerations seal shut, leaving behind only faint, silvery scars that quickly fade into nothingness, as if erased by an unseen hand. Ugly purple bruises that had blossomed across Gribble's body, testaments to the savage beating he had endured at the claws and fangs of the Thundercat, now rapidly diminish in size and color, until they vanish entirely, leaving his skin unmarked and pristine. Even the bone-deep aches and pains that had settled into Gribble's joints and muscles dissipate, replaced by a newfound sense of strength and vitality that courses through his veins like liquid fire.
As the healing process nears its completion, Gribble slowly rises to his feet, marveling at the ease with which he can now move, his body no longer weighed down by the burdens of injury and fatigue. He flexes his fingers experimentally, feeling the raw power that thrums just beneath the surface of his skin, a barely contained energy that whispers tantalizing of limitless potential. A sense of invincibility washes over the goblin, the knowledge that he has not only survived the brutal encounter with the Thundercat but emerged stronger and more powerful than ever before. Gribble's gaze hardens with a newfound sense of purpose, steadied by the certainty that he can now overcome any obstacle that dares to stand in his path.
Even as Gribble revels in the rush of power and the exhilaration of his miraculous recovery, a faint shadow begins to creep across the edges of his consciousness, an unsettling presence that lurks just beyond the reach of his newfound senses. It is a darkness that seems to emanate from deep within his own being, a nebulous entity that tugs at the corner of his thoughts, whispering of hidden costs and unspoken dangers.
The goblin tries to shake off the growing sense of unease, pushing the troubling thoughts aside as he focuses instead on the incredible changes that have taken place within his body, marveling at the raw strength and vitality that now course through his veins. Yet, even as he seeks to bask in the glow of his transformation, the darkness persists, hovering at the edge of his awareness like a silent, watchful specter.
As Gribble moves through the cave, his steps imbued with newfound purpose and power, he cannot escape the nagging feeling that something fundamental has shifted within him, a subtle alteration that goes beyond the physical changes he has undergone. It is as if the essence of the Thundercat, now intertwined with his own lifeforce, has brought with it a touch of something primal and untamed, a wildness that threatens to consume him from within. The goblin's heart begins to race, a sense of trepidation rising in his chest as he ponders the implications of this strange, unsettling presence, wondering what price he may ultimately pay for the powers he has so eagerly embraced.
Driven by an instinctive need to escape the confines of the cave and the lingering presence of the fallen Thundercat, Gribble makes his way towards the entrance, his steps steady and purposeful, imbued with a newfound sense of strength and determination. As he nears the mouth of the cave, the sound of the pouring rain grows louder, the steady patter of droplets against stone echoing through the cavernous space like a ghostly drumbeat.
Gribble steps out into the downpour, his body immediately assaulted by the cold, stinging droplets that fall from the sky in an unrelenting torrent. The water sluices over his skin, running in rivulets through his hair and down his face, yet the goblin barely registers the sensation, his body thrumming with the power of the Thundercat, the electricity that courses through his veins keeping him warm and insulated against the chill of the rain.
He tilts his face upwards, his eyes closed as he allows the water to wash over him, a silent, almost meditative gesture that speaks of a desperate need for cleansing and renewal. The rain beats down upon Gribble's body, as if seeking to purge him of the darkness that has taken root within his soul, to wash away the lingering traces of the Thundercat's essence that now mingle with his own. Yet, even as the water pours over him in an unending stream, the goblin knows that some stains are too deep to be cleansed by mere rain alone, that the changes that have been wrought within him are irrevocable and permanent.
As Gribble stands there in the pouring rain, he catches a glimpse of his reflection in a nearby puddle, the image distorted and rippling with each falling droplet. The face that stares back at him is at once familiar and utterly alien, a strange amalgamation of the goblin he once was and the creature he has become. Gone is the scrawny, unassuming figure that had entered the cave, replaced now by a being of raw power and untamed potential.
Gribble's once wiry frame is now corded with muscle, his body honed and sculpted by the Thundercat's essence, every sinew and fiber imbued with a strength that defies belief. His eyes, once a dull, unremarkable shade, now glint with a predatory intensity, the pupils narrowed to vertical slits that seem to pierce the very darkness itself. The goblin's skin, too, has undergone a transformation, the surface now alive with tiny bolts of blue electricity that dance and crackle with each movement, a testament to the power that flows through his veins.
As he stares at his altered reflection, Gribble is struck by the realization that he is no longer the same goblin he was before, that the experiences he has undergone and the powers he has absorbed have changed him in ways that go far beyond the physical. He senses a new hardness within himself, a steely resolve that was absent before, tempered by the trials he has faced and the darkness he has embraced. The goblin knows that he has crossed a threshold, stepped into a realm of power and potential that few of his kind have ever dared to tread, and that there can be no turning back from the path he has chosen.
As the initial rush of adrenaline and euphoria begins to fade, Gribble is struck by a profound and unsettling realization, a truth that settles over him like a leaden weight upon his soul. The powers he now possesses, the incredible abilities granted to him by the consumption of the Thundercat's heart, have come at a terrible cost, a price that he is only now beginning to comprehend.
Gribble senses that a part of himself has been lost, consumed by the very darkness that now resides within him, a fundamental piece of his being that has been forever altered by the merging of his essence with that of the Thundercat. It is as if a shadow has fallen over his spirit, a veil of darkness that threatens to engulf the very core of his identity, to erode the values and beliefs that once defined him.
The goblin's mind reels as he ponders the implications of this realization, the knowledge that he has willingly embraced a power that may ultimately consume him, body and soul. He wonders what challenges lie ahead, what trials he will face as he navigates this new and uncharted realm of existence, and whether the strength he has gained will be enough to see him through the darkness that surely awaits.
As Gribble stands there in the pouring rain, his body thrumming with power, his mind haunted by the specter of an uncertain future, he knows that he has set foot upon a path from which there can be no retreat. The goblin steels himself, his jaw set with grim determination, as he prepares to embark upon a journey that will test the very limits of his newfound abilities, and perhaps, the very essence of his being. With a final, lingering glance at the cave that has borne witness to his transformation, Gribble turns his face to the storm and steps forward into the unknown, ready to embrace the challenges and dangers that lie ahead.

Hi, guys. I just wanted share my experience with nofap. Got introduced to porn when I was like 11-12, at that time I also discovered masturbation. Since then, I've been doing it till today.
BUT, I have already decided to quit these bad habits because of their tremendous bad effects on me. They're really damaging. Truly evil, tbh.
What effects has PMO have had on my over the course of these years:
1 - My social skills and confidence. Before and in the early years I got introduced to these disgusting things, I was really outgoing, confident and talkative guy. I was confident to the point that I had stood out among my friends in many occasions. But over these years, my confidence and self esteem levels got so decreased that I am often labeled as naive and too soft. People say these to my face.
2 - My body and physical strength. Before I got addicted to PMO, I used to be a "full" and physically strong boy. Sometimes, my friends called me even fat as a way to intimidate me. Now, I'm a skinny guy. It's pretty visible and people often say it. It's like a weak body I have.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I'm really trying to quit this thing and improve. 3 days ago, I broke my 60+ days streak. The benefits I felt after 50+ days are just immense. INCREASED SLEF CONFIDENCE, INCREASED SOCIAL SKILLS AND ENERGY, INCREASED FOCUS, A LOT OF MOTIVATION AND ENERGY TO FOCUS ON MY GOALS. INCREASED MUSCLE MASS ON MY BODY. IMPROVED HAIR QUALITY. I EVEN STARTED GOING TO GYM. But after, 60+ days, I fell victim to this trap and turned into that low energy doomer once again. My social skills got back to stone age. No energy to interact with people. Like a caveman. In the first 3 days after fapping, I felt immensely depressed. I had a strong headache. My hair quality was like sh*t and it got oily. My face skin got also oily. My brain got foggy. No energy and no focus. The muscle mas on my arms and my tight chest are also gone. They're soft once again. Today's is the fourth day and I still have these effects.
I WENT FOR 60+ DAYS. BECAUSE OVER THESE YEARS AND PAST FAILURES, I ANALYSED WHAT MADE ME FAIL. WHAT I SHOULD AVOID.
I'm gonna quit these disgusting habits. I saw and know that life is beautiful and more enjoyable without them. I'm better without them. I'm stronger without them. I'm aiming to go for like at least 2+ years now. No going back. Maybe, until I get married.
Thank you if you read so far. And the best of luck to everybody! 😀
Stay hard.

"Captain! They hit our starboard phasers, we can't fire them any more!" "Report from medical, four injured and one dead." "The crew think it's hopeless, they want to surrender captain. Many are already standing down." "They hit the engines and our power's gone. We're sitting ducks!"
Maybe you'll get lucky, maybe they're just pirates. They take your cargo and depart, leaving you to drift in the void in a damaged ship and the half of your crew that survived. You make emergency repairs and hobble your ship to the nearest star-port. Half your remaining crew don't return to the ship that evening, the memory of their near death experience crushing their morale. Some of the injured died on the journey back, especially when you hit that asteroid belt and could barely maneuver the ship. Your ship doctor is doing all they can but they can only heal so many, only save so many, and the medical bay is damaged beyond use. Your officer tries to rally your crew, gives a passionate speech about love, loss and always getting back up to fight again. A few look reinvigorated, yet more don't return the next day. But you dust yourself off, pay for the repairs, hire new crew and take on a new job. It's just a minor set back...
Or maybe it all ends right there. It was a zealot. A fanatical patriot of the faction you'd been working against on behalf of your contact. They hear no pleas, they take no bribes, only heads.
Perhaps they're not even humans. An existential terror from beyond the known universe. Ships cobbled together from biological matter mixed with strange alien technology. There's no negotiation, there's maybe not even sentience within the minds of your enemies. Snarling and vicious they tear through your crew, and you.
I've had a lot of fun with this game. Initially released in 2018 it's still getting frequent updates and it's full of content that can keep you entertained for hundreds of hours. I would know because I've currently got 270 hours played at the moment and that's only going to go up from here.
Don't let the name fool you, it's not about trading! Unless you want it to be, in which case you can totally make it about trading. Instead you play as the captain of a space ship in a distant future galaxy simply trying to survive and thrive.
The game is a bit of a strange mix between RPG and Rogue-like. I guess I'd describe it as an RPG with lots of replayability. At the start of each game you pick your captain. You can customize your captain in a number of ways but it's balanced around a priorities system. You have Attributes, Skills, Ship, Contacts and Experience. Your top choice will have the highest value while the bottom choice will have the lowest value. So you can start with an extremely skilled captain but you might have a very poor starting ship or only one or two contacts (mission givers, info brokers, rare equipment sellers, black market access, etc. They play a number of roles depending on their position/profession). Or you can start with a top of the line nearly end-game ship, but you'll have to sacrifice your captain's abilities to do so. Experience is basically a head start on levels for you and your crew, which can be very valuable for the early game where it can be tough starting out.
Besides the priorities your captain has a specific class. The default is Pirate but you can play as a Merchant, Assassin, Commander, etc. too. Each will have bonuses based on the play-style they specialize in. Pirates and Smugglers get skills that allow them to access black markets more easily and avoid police patrols from identifying contraband with ship scans. Assassins, soldiers, snipers, etc. get a bonus to their crew combat performance and usually have some bonuses regarding missions too. An assassin will do well in a "Duel of Assassins" conflict between two factions, for example, where typically nobles send assassins to try to kill each other or influential people under a 'lawful war monitored by the United Nations' kind of premise. Whereas a Bodyguard will get bonuses for escort missions and prisoner transport missions. Merchants get better deals for their goods and can impact "trade ban" conflicts more. Commanders get bonuses to ship performance and combat.
There are a lot of options too! Both just as you start but also there are a number of options you can unlock by completing various quests or challenges in your playthroughs, which also adds a lot of replayability. New player classes, new ships and new starting contacts.
Oh, and even if you start with one of the best ships, there's a lot of in-game progression too. Upgrading the ship components and choosing talents as your crew level up is a key aspect of the game. Each crew member has a class too, which will determine what value they're contribute to your ship's overall stats. You need Electronic Tech experts to run a lot of high tech electronic components, you need gunners to be able to man all the guns, and you need Ship Operators to, well, operate the ship. As crew, officers and your captain level up they can choose a talent from their job talents. For example, an E-Tech can get the 'scanner boost' skill, which can be used in ship combat to give you +25% accuracy and +25% evasion. The trick though is that they have very long cooldowns. You'll need multiple crew members with Scanner Boost to be able to use it multiple times in a battle, or to use it in two battles back to back. The game runs in weeks, with the explanation that the energy from the special ship engines prolongs people's lives almost indefinitely. So most skills will have a 3-6 week cooldown, which actually passes pretty quickly when you're traveling. Either way, you get anywhere between 18 and 42 crew, depending on the size of your ship and what kind of barracks you install. So you can have a lot of talents. It's also worth seeking out specialist crew, like a merchant, diplomat, smuggler, etc. so that you can make use of their talents in rarer circumstances.
But be careful! Your crew are vulnerable. Ship battles are dangerous, with plasma beams scraping your hull, miniature fighter ships swarming you, enemy ships ramming and boarding you, etc. If your ship is well prepared, maybe your shields can take the hit and you'll only get rocked a bit, or perhaps you've put most of your upgrades into evasion and can nimbly dodge all the enemy shots. If you do get hit though, prepare to really get hit. The introduction to this review is what it feels like to lose a ship battle in this game. It's incredibly in-depth and very immersive. You can even check, mid battle, which crew are injured, which are low on morale, etc.
A hit to your ship will do a number of things. Every hit will damage both your ship and your crew, but some weapons are more dangerous to one than the other. Radiation blasters will do a lot of damage to your crew but won't do much damage to your ship. It's a great option for people who want to take down a ship without destroying it's cargo. Whereas missiles will do a lot of damage to the hull, but your crew will only suffer some nasty bruises from being thrown around by the impact. Unless your ship is ruptured (it hits 0 overall HP) of course, in which case your whole crew will be vented into space, yourself included. Components will take damage too. Mostly it's random which components get hit, but you can install armour to take some of the hits in place of your vital components. There's also crew combat. Sometimes an enemy ship will board you. It's best to have a combat team on-board to dispatch, otherwise you'll be stuck with inexperienced E-techs and Ship Operators shakily holding pistols. Your captain can be a powerful force in crew combat but be careful, defeat in crew combat often means death. If they succeed in beating the local crew (in a 4v4 battle) they'll get a chance to sabotage your ship before returning to their own ship. Of course, you'll also be 4 crewmen down.
The good news is that you can do all these things to your enemy too! Want to bake them alive with radiation and strip their hull for parts and profit? You can do that. Want to slam your dart of a ship into their battle-cruiser, boarding it and having your pro combat team tear it apart from the inside out? You can do that! Just want to pelt them with the biggest guns for the highest damage to get them out your way? You can do that.
I highly recommend this game. It's got a bit of a learning curve but the immersion and satisfying moments I've gotten out of it put a lot of much higher budget games to shame. There's some really good story lines and quests in there, and it has 9 different difficulty setting so that you can enjoy it however you want.
It really deserves a lot more love than it's gotten and I hope a few more people get to enjoy it after seeing this!

I just read an article about chronic disease or illness fakers. I am thoroughly disgusted that even more people are more ignorant than I thought possible beyond my immediate family.
Right before the age of 40 I passed out waiting for a table at a nice restaurant, slowly drinking a beer. Luckily I had not been a heavy, medium, or even light drinker for almost 10 years. All I really had physically wrong with me at that time was testosterone therapy, come shoulder surgeries, and chronic,sometimes horrible pain. Oh, I was also told I had a great, really great bronze California tan.
After that incident right before age 40 I had every test I could have done to explain what happened. Witnesses said, im 6'3 195+ lbs, I just turned white, became instantly soaking wet, and fell straight backwards like a 2x4.
After all the tests were completed I discovered my Iron(its really called ferratin) was at a level of 3,900 (normal safe levels are 50 to 200 roughly. I was given a genetic test for hemachromatosis, which is pretty common, and not a super big deal when treated early. In fact, anyone with hemachromatosis cam firmly state that we people,all people, black, while, whatever are related. Black people have a genetic disease called sickle cell disease. If not treated and allowed to run rampart sickle cell turns into hemachromatosis. Nuff said.
The main treatment for hemachromatosis is bloodletting, the amount of blood you need to get out of your body and how much at a time and how often is usually dictated by the level of your ferritin in your blood at time of diagnosis. Most people, fortunately, get detected and treated by 700 to 1500 level of Ferratin. The body is basically killing itself, "rusting away" to say at levels if 1,000 plus of ferritin.
Now five leads later, testosterone implants every 3 months or so, bloodletting (phlebotomy) treatment 4 times a year now ( I started giving over 550 grams of blood 2 times a week for 4 months, and then once a week 4 or 5 months, and so on and on. I have had a pretty extensive cervical neck surgery, cages, holes drilled in arthritic areas and nerve openings opened up, both hips totally replaced, a knee replacement on left knee coming up soon, always a pain in my ass,, literally,, lol. There's other things, I have to get liver biopsies every year, heart tests performed every year, no alcohol, low Vtamin C diet, no more liver and onions, and reduced use of cast iron and other high iron cooking and eating utensils.
Thing is,, if you see me just see me, you'll see a big, strong, agile, balanced man. But what you dont see is how hard it is for me to just get up and drink a cup of coffee some mornings, or how bad both legs ache, hurt, throb, and sometimes especially feel totally exhausted 2 hours after I wake up. Or a serious neck, nerve issue that I just keep massaging and turning my head.
I don't take opiates, except after surgeries, I can't take much Tylenol or ibuprofen and related. Mostly ice pack/machine, heat pads, hot hot bath soaks, stretching (carefully), keeping moving, and pushing myself everyday or at least 6 days a week harder than the day before.
I have half siblings, 17+ years older than me, with bone spurs, maybe knee replacement, obesity related issues, lack of movement/ exercise issues, and on and on.
I'd happily trade places with them, but keep my age, and very few people I imagine get what I'm about to say next . I decided after the first 6 months of diagnosis I was going to "break and fall apart before I rusted and rotted away".
Do you get that? Understand ? I am happy, no I get exited and thrilled inside when I see people with obvious issues, obesity, laziness, bad diet, drinking, etc struggle, not do, or unwilling to do things they should do, much less want to do to make this life more,, make this life better for themselves. I say F' u all those ignorant dumb lazy scared people that say things, think things, act differently when they interact with you, not knowing you closely and really knowing you, when they see this person that looks, moves, and does lots of physical things better than they can,, and they think your faking or putting on or playing poor pity party me,,, no screw you guys,, try, literally walking 10,000 or more steps in my shoes each day and more, yet sometimes not able to even crawl or move for 2 or 3 hours after 4 or 5 or less some days just living life.
Anyone else have similar stories ? Or experiences? I still can't get over the fact that had a been a normal,, or whatever you call a person who drinks a six pack a week, alcoholic drinker I would definitely for sure have had cirrhosis or liver cancer by now for sure and probably be dead. Anyway,, let me know thanks.
P

So sorry to waste your time...

This is gonna be a lot, and you, of course, are not force to read this. I was just looking for something, if anything, regarding an answer to a question I am going to have to face because of my own actions. I understand that if you do choose to read all of this and reply to me, you may wish to berate and insult me. By all means, do so, I deserve it. I don't mean to write a sob story so people will sympathize will me, I don't need people's attention, I'm not coping.
For a bit of context, I am and always have been a burden on myself and those around me. I've been nothing but lazy and useless my entire life. I was the kid that never did his homework, ever. I thought it was stupid and that was my justification to not do it. I was that kind of garbage. I hated when things imposed on my happiness and freedoms, and I resented things that did that to me, like homework. I have always been told that I am full of talent and that I'm so smart or whatever, but it has never translated in my studies. I have always gotten low marks in my courses, always because of homework. If there was a way to flunk out of high school, I would've flunked out a long, long time ago. I'm so pathetic, all I've ever cared about are the things that I enjoy and not the things that are important.
So like the idiot I am, I chose to go to college knowing the kind of person that I am, telling myself I would change because college is serious and what not. Spoiler alert, I didn't. I'm a piece of garbage and all I've ever done is waste the time and resources of those around me. I'm so fortunate that my parents paid for my college, but they said they would kick me out if I failed and all. I believed in my talents, but not in my work ethic. Sure enough, coming out of my first semester in college, I failed two out of the 5 courses I took and that put me on academic probation. Why did I fail? Well, I failed because of my crappy work ethic. I could've passed these courses with high marks if I had done my homework given that my test scores were always high or solid. As you would expect, my parents wanted to kill me, I was mocked and laughed at by my siblings, and I really didn't have a support system, not that I deserved one.
Miraculously, I was given a second chance to fix my predicament, and I honestly felt I was doing better. I was struggling to get my work in on time, but I was still making the effort to do it (Nothing to be proud of considering it wasn't on time). This semester, although spent in the comfort of caring friends who wanted nothing but the best for me, was extremely depressing and part of me wants to blame my shortcomings on that. Mentally, this semester was really rough for me and even though nobody knew it, I was going through a really, really hard time. The other part of me knows that blaming my mental health on my shortcomings is nothing but a cop out and I would just be making excuses for myself like I always do. Anyways, looking at my grades coming out of this semester, once again, I have failed two courses, one of which was inevitable, and the other, I am currently fighting for despite grades being posted. I want to really cling to the hope of the mark being changed even though my situation really won't change much, but if it is impossible, then I will give up right there.
As you can see given what I have provided above, it should be clear how much of an idiot I am. I have been nothing but a failure, a disgrace, a sloth, and a piece of trash. I have wasted the money of my parents, the energy of everyone who believed in me, and my own time. I should've known I would never amount to anything. If I want to keep living, I'll be homeless and left with only the few thousand I have saved from working my summer job as a lifeguard. I have been nothing but pathetic my entire life, and honestly writing this all out makes me tear up a bit. It kind of hurts that I want to cut my life short not because I hate my life, but because it feels that there is no other options left for me to progress forward. I have given myself nothing to use to go forward because I have been nothing but my own worst enemy. I am lazy and a waste of air. I truly wish to apologize to everyone whoever believed in me, I wish I could man up and just tell it to their faces, but I am too ashamed to even turn off my computer screen and see my reflection. The grades will come in soon, and my family will know, and that will be the end of me. Right now, I plan to run away from home soon and either try and find somewhere to go or just jump off a bridge, I guess (I haven't really thought it out, it's not something I really want to think about).
Some of you, who may be nice enough to reach out, may say that my best bet would be to negotiate with my family, or perhaps seek a job in trades, or maybe even consider community college. I can only refute those as my parents are not the negotiable type, even if some of you insist they will be. As for trades, it is something looked down upon by my family, by my friends, and it's rubbed off on me too and I have come to loathe the idea of it. Perhaps it will be my only option, but something I've never wanted for myself was to work day in and day out breaking my back in physical labor like that. As for community college, I would not be opposed to it despite friends and family looking down on it too, but even if that was the route I decided to go down, how would I do that? Once my parents see these pathetic grades, I will be kicked out and maybe even disowned right after I get beaten half to death. Some of you should now be realizing the piece of garbage that I am for saying that, and you have every right to take back any sympathy you may have had for me. I do not deserve any help, any support, and sympathy, or advice. Honestly, I'd rather the option of suicide be validated so I can just get on with it. I think it is finally time to put my pathetic life behind me and release the burden of knowing me off of so many people. All I have ever done is hold myself back and hold others back too. All I've ever done is wish I could be better but then never would I act on it. I wish a work ethic came naturally to me like everything else, because that's the one thing that has kept me from ever succeeding. But because I'm pathetic, I could barely bring myself to succeed at having a good work ethic for more than a week. I hate myself, I truly do.
Despite how I feel about myself and my life, I do want to clarify that I don't hate my life. I am so grateful and thankful that I have met the people that I have and I am thankful I had parents who were willing to support me. Everyone around me is better than I am and I'm so happy I got to be around such amazing figures, I just wish I could've been like that and committed to that. I'm pathetic, I have no more excuses. But I do have the question that I propose to any who have read this far: Do I stick it out, or do I just end my life already?
For all who read all of this, I appreciate you more than you will ever come to realize, even if you read it to laugh at me or so that you could have the knowledge of my story to berate me. You guys are everything, and I can only hope the best for you all. Please never end up like me, you're all surely so talented with bright futures ahead of you, I'd hate to see you be like me. Love you all!
I'm sorry for the giant wall this post is, and I'm also just sorry in general. So yeah, sorry.

Ok I've been dealing with this for a long while and don't know how else to go forward, and coming to reddit... Might be dumb but at least it's better than the rl advice of "you'll get through this" I'm 19(M), my father (45) and I are not on the best of terms. When he and my mum first had me they were not yet married, some drama in their lives led them to split after they had my younger sister (14) Even before and after my sister's birth I never saw my father as often, he lived in a different country and would only come visit us when December comes around and leave immediately after buying stuff So we kinda nicknamed him "father Christmas"
Skipping a little over a decade later, my mum remarried and has two kids with my now step dad. Around the time my mom was expecting my youngest brother, I had to move in with my dad to get "close" and reconnect. I was always optimistic about giving him a chance and bonding with him. My younger sister was more of on the doubting Thomas side but my mom would always push us to make sure we don't resent him. A question that I know would like to ask to her is WHY WHY WHY!!?
When I went to move in with him it was when he was living in his mother's family house temporarily. At this point it was only her and my aunt (my father's younger sister) When I moved in I got a job in my father's work. And by the time my dad moved in he was with a woman who I'll just call M. A lot of drama happened with the appearance of both me and M.
A little backstory on M is that she is dad's GF of almost 7yrs. She has 2 kids (girls) of her own and they live in this other country. My dad's side of the family doesn't like her for some reason but they make it clear to her by making remarks of if she can handle my dad. Then on me they hate my mum, so much so that ever since I was little they would try making my mum look like a villain and say random stuff about her. My mum wouldn't mind them even though one time when I went to visit them when I was young they tried keeping me for a year or so. So me still loving my mum like a mamas boy has also by default put me on their list but it's like they still try to recruit me in.
After staying with them for 6mths I was ready to commit mass murder becoz they would spread rumors all around about me and still expected me to treat them well, all while my dad never so much as defended me.
Then me and M found out something about my dad. During the 6mths we were all together, my father rented a secret apartment and would invite women there pretending that was his real home. Even filling the place with food and stuff. The number totaled 24 women with some having kids that he would take out for lunch and stuff
I did have my suspiciouns whenever he would go out of work to pick up a "package" and suddenly his fully charged phone would be "low batter" in 20mins. Stuff like that.
After finding out this, all the times he wouldnt have money or "business isn't going well" were just that he would spend hundreds of dollars if not thousands on dates with them and their kids and keeping that secondary house. And I, although having a job, didn't get paid much but it was mainly for passing time. So occasionally asking for money for clothes he would say I had to make my own coz he didn't have any (life's hard😂😭)
I've also tried asking for quality time but that man is "reserved" with his emotions. I believe it's because I'm older now and more conscious of the things he does unlike the kids and his kids he takes out to parks and buys stuff for coz he knows they don't know much yet.
So anyways, we moved out and finally went to his place and I stopped working (per his demand) and started living with him, M, and her girls. We all live in an apartment and it's kinda small but we manage. All was going well until we found out again that my father was having another affair with a baby mama of his. Sorry i forgot to tell you this but while my mom had two kids with my dad (stepdad), my father went on to have 5 KIDS with 4 different women over a span of 7yrs (remember how long M n him were together 👁️👄👁️ IK). And the most recent one that he hooked up with at his brothers funeral is the one I'm talking of now.🤕
But not only her but other women too. At this point M finally had enough and started planning to move out. But my father was always saying he would change and he wants to be together with her and only her.
Until he started hooking up with our upstairs neighbor 👁️👄👁️ So about a month or two ago my father went out and got drunk, when he came back M decided to check his phone and found out that he went out with his buddies and a lady, a lady who lives upstairs. They had been meeting and doing the 🙅🏾‍♂️🙅🏾‍♂️🙅🏾‍♂️ at night by the stairs🤦🏾‍♂️ He would tell the lady that he doesn't live alone coz his friend with kids is living with him and he's just helping her out until she lives. Keep in mind that while telling this lady this he was still talking to funeral baby mama and tell her that once M leaves they will live together with their kid.
So M texted the lady and they met the same night he was drunk and she told her everything and that was also the night I had my first panic attack (don't worry)
So there is more to talk about but my thumbs are aching and I have to go to opticians so let me know what you think.