How to text dirty to my gf

Greetings everyone, praying for a good day for you all!
As you can tell this is abit of a long one XD.
This happened over a year ago but it still haunts and torments me to this day, and is the first time I've told anyone else about it.
There's some context I believe that's necessary to better understand everything going on, going into this situation.
Have been having some issues at a board gaming group with a ex gf I met there.
Please don't take mine or her side. Don't harass, gaslight, insult or generally be cruel towards me about this XD. Have more then a lifetime of that don't want anymore. No one does. Don't assume you know how she's thinking or how I'm thinking, or who's right or wrong.
You don't know her, you don't know me, you weren't there for any of it. Do not assume.
I just want to find a peaceful solution to this problem and for her to stop antagonizing me, her actions cause me insane amounts of stress, anxiety, panic attacks. To the point where I almost have hypertension attacks, where my body goes numb, I can't breathe, and I die!! Horray!! :^D
Even typing this right now I'm having a panic/stress attack.
The amount of courage and energy it's taking me to type this and seek help is very painful.
She was someone I met through the boardgaming group.
I had just had a group of individuals spread sexual harassment gossip and rumors about me and get me kicked out of a Creator Space, another board gaming group and banned from a boardgaming store.
I walked in one day to play Gloomhaven as usual with 2 friends when the owner started yelling and screaming at me to leave the shop immediately or he was going to call the police to have me forcibely removed. I was not told ahead of time of my banning despite being on their discord and having spoken and seen their employees before on a few occasions.
Apparently one of the workers at the store was friends with someone who was accusing me of sexual harassment and spreading lies about me, and that I was silently banned from their discord and store without having been notified ahead of time.
Never once did the store owner or anyone else at the store contact me to get my side of the story before judging the situation.
I was guilty until proven innocent, which they didn't even give me the chance of proving my innocence.
Never had I been more abused or mistreated in my whole life then in that one moment.
Very humorously enough the only good person and friend I made from the Gloomhaven group when he listened to my side of the story believed me! Everyone who listened to me believed me while those who judged me without even talked to me didn't. Weird huh?
Sorry to go off on a tangent, but this is just background to me joining the new boardgaming group and the insane amount of depression and anxiety I was battling and currently still do.
I was insanely nervous and deeply depressed going into the new group, and terrified that news might spread and that I might get cruely kicked out of the new one which luckily did not happen.
It meets up in a church basement, and the fact that I can leave food and drink there, and that it isn't noise or loud or triggers my tinnitus or anxiety is great.
But some drama did occur around me on the discord related to other stuff that did make the "in" group of people dislike and have grudges against me!
So just a very tricky and complicated situation.
After our split up she now seems to antagonize me constantly if I happen to be there when she is there. In very passive aggressive ways.
After we split ways I was hoping to stay friends, but I don't know she herself comes from a abusive family background, with her parents being divorced and seeing different people among other things. One day I texted her a image of a Eclipse 2nd Dawn of the Galaxy supplement that had arrived at 6 or 7am and she blew up about it saying it was way too weird of a hour to message someone about this, despite her being the only person I've ever talked to that had a problem with this despite this being a very common thing for most people, and blocked my number.
Since then I've tried to be as loving and kind as possible not talking to her, avoiding eye contact, generally being as passive as I can. But that's still not enough for her.
I really believe she's trying to bully, cold shoulder me out of the boardgame group despite the fact I get along with almost everyone there and it's the only one that has worked for me.
There was a campaign I was with with her when we were playhing a campaign board game, and she would yell and strictly criticize any little mistake I would make in front of everyone all the time.
There was a time when there was some leftover food in the kitchen from a thanksgiving meal that I was given persmission to layout and share with everyone. I found some paper plates to use and she harshly yelled at me that we weren't allowed to use them. We only had styrofoam at that point and I was trying to find microwaveable plates to use. I went to someone else and asked if I could use the paper plates and he said totally. She was right there too, and she never apologized to me.
Good thing we had paper plates and people could heat their food!
Just the other night I was playing a game of Nemesis with some guys, and one of them happens to have the same name as me.
She came over and constantly just kept saying his name not differentiating between the two of us, despite the face she's called me by the same name multiple times. Continuing to ignore me and engage with everyone else there as if I don't exist. She knows how much it hurts me to say our exact names without differentiating.
It might not be a problem for some people, but for me it's very confusing and heart wrenching.
My Dad recommended we both get nicknames to make differentiating us easier and less painful.
I just don't want to create any more drama for anyone and the group, and maybe approach the other guy who shares a name with me about this issue.
Even he I feel can tell he's being thrown in the middle of something he has nothing to do with.
If anyone would have some kind, loving, empathetic advice I would greatly appreciate it. :^)

2 years ago I changed forever.
I had hourly texts/emails with threats to my entire family (including names, addresses) and other things that I won't say. I changed my number 3 times and within 30 min he'd get the new one, taunting me for trying to evade him. Every text/email he sent was from a different numbeemail address using VPNs and spoofed phone numbers. He also contacted and threatened my coworkers, friends I hadn't spoken to in years, even their parents. Yes, he contacted and threatened my coworkers and the parents of friends I hadn't even spoken to in years.
Random people started showing up to my gfs work, thinking she wanted to hook up with them (the stalker used photos of her to fake a dating profile for her).
I called police in 2 states, 3 cities, and they said there was nothing they could do. They said to buy a gun and hope for the best. Keep in mind I'm only typing maybe 1/3 of what he did (e.g. he used false reports to trigger state investigations into things in order to screw up my gf's life). At one point, they called and accused ME of being the stalker, with the stalker taunting me with more texts every step since he somehow knew I was talking with police.
Even my little sister, who the guy said he was on his way to (with her exact address and apartment number, and saying how easy it was to get a gun in my state), that was all the police suggested, was for her to get a gun. She was actually completely down, but I told her she'd go to jail if she just fired a gun through a door. If she waited until he banged down the door, it'd be a 50/50 chance she'd survive, and even if she shoots first, adrenaline can keep someone going for plenty of time to shoot back.
So she slept at her work (a hospital).
And yes, the whole time I knew with 99% certainty this filth would never do anything violent, but I didn't want my sister or parents to be dead and for me to only have "I didn't think he'd actually do it" as a response.
My gf had a suspicion of who it was. When the police questioned me as if I was the stalker, I was done. I was done with life at that point. I screamed at them over the phone that if they didn't put an end to it, that I'd kill the guy my gf suspected myself. That even though I'd be in jail, it would be worth it because nobody would have to deal with him anymore.
I posted my drama to reddit, somebody suggested the FBI. I figured if the police were so fucking useless, there's no way in the hell the FBI would be helpful.
Wrong. They called just days later, sent special agents to meet me. I was terrified, I didn't think they were real. I figured their phone calls to me were fake, and the agents would just be paid associates from the stalker or maybe the guy himself. I confirmed that wasn't the case (I won't say how) and met with them. They took photos of every single text, every single phone number this piece of shit used, every email, they were cordial and professional, although one agent never spoke.
Time goes by. My gf has me check whatever random noises we hear in the house. Stalker was silent, which was almost scarier, because he of course knew we went to the feds. At the time I thought I was fine, other than severe acid reflux and left sided chest pain and my muscle wasting away and turning to fat.
One night my gf and I had absolute mental breakdowns and break up, for some drunk reason I was convinced she was the stalker all along, that's how manic I had slowly become. And after the breakup, that was when the PTSD finally set in. At random points in the day, my ears would become super-human, which unfortunately was not fun for my ear drums, and my heart would try to explode itself. I once asked a cashier once if the fans in the grocery store are always so loud, they had no idea what I was talking about. My heart rate was so fucking loud and fast all the time, luckily urgent care and later an ER visit showed nothing wrong, but breaking down in tears for the first time to an urgent care psych helped a fair bit (even though I was already in therapy).
More months go by, in a drunk rage I look up the address of the guy I suspected it was using some shady website. 15 minutes later, I get an email from the FBI saying to please be patient while they conduct their investigation. I will never be able to describe the feeling I had when I read that.
More months go bye, and while I'm showing America to the European girl I met while I was hiding and drinking my PTSD away abroad - they call me, saying who they arrested. A man who was framing the guy my ex-gf suspected. A man with a high paying job, living a quiet life. Threw it all away, arrested and in federal prison. They say the guy who was being framed is absolutely going to the sentencing and I don't blame him. They said they'll pay for my flight and hotel to attend as well, but I want nothing more to do with it.
But I do want to thank whichever redditor it was who said I should contact the FBI in my post those years ago, on whichever account it was. Those were some shitty days. hope he dies in prison

Dear all, I would like advice on how to deal with this and whether and how to bring this up with my partner.
Situation: my boyfriend A is out with his girlfriend B to a fair. I was chatting with A afterwards about it and asked whether he saw something cool. He said 'yes, there were some cool things to see''. Felt like a bit of a dry reply, but I left it. Sometimes he is short in texting, that's fine.
A few days later, we were talking about the fair, some things he saw and thought out loud 'did I not send you that video?'. 'No, he had not sent it to me', I said. He showed me a video of him and gf at the fair, talking directly to the listener about what they were seeing, etc.
He is also seeing another girl, C, and while watching the video I got the vibe that he made it for her, not for me. I think he realised too at that moment but I left it and pretended to just like seeing the video.
I feel hurt that he didn't make a video for me, misremembered sending it to me, and find it quite painful that he confused us. I like to feel special and do have some worries about being replaced by C (in attention and receiving cute texts) so this was not helping..
Should I mention this, or leave it as 'harmless mistake'? And if so, how would I do this in the best way?

TLDR: I made mistakes and we broke up. But she led me on making me believe that I have a chance for a month straight after we broke up.
This is a pretty weird situation. Or was. Me and her met early September and we immediately clicked. So many similar interests and hobbies, the conversations were wonderful. As we started hanging out more and more we both developed feelings for each other. One night she asked me to be bf and gf. I said yes in a heartbeat. Everything was perfect I thought I found my last everything. Sure we had our differences here and there.
I would get sad or pissed when she wasn’t available and would go crazy. She would go out drinking every weekend with her friends. I guess I really didn’t like that part of her, I tried to change her. I asked her multiple times “can you please dedicate either Friday or Saturday to me?” And she would reply with “I want to hang out with my friends. You know I like partying.” Why go to a college bar when you have a partner? Isn’t the whole reason of going to a bar in college is to get laid? I was always on edge about her going out because I knew how she is when she is drunk. She is overtly kind to people. Her story growing up is painful. Filled with a lot of emotional and physical absence from a male figure. I tried to be that male figure, but did the same mistakes as her dad did. Trauma dumping, gaslighting, etc,
I’m not proud of what I did. I didn’t realize I was even doing those. Fast forward to late March, one night I jokingly hid my phone from her as she was trying to look at my twitter (just sports stuff) I only wanted a reaction out of her, but that was the biggest mistake I did. She lost trust in me and eventually feelings too. The very next day she called me to talk and I came running. We sat down and she gave me the news to break up. I started crying and shaking. She was talking about how we are not suitable in the long run. At first she said maybe we can stay friends with benefits, but then she said okay we can try one more time if you fuck up once it’s over. A week or two from that situation, i felt that she was gradually getting farther away from me. Sure we did text all day long but she didn’t want to hang out. It was like that for a week or so. Then I finally got her to start hanging out with me. On a Friday, she told me “I’m going to be busy I won’t be able to text you fast” I said okay. I got drunk with my friends. She did too with her friends. She texted me during all that time too. She didn’t respond for about an hour and all hell broke loose in me. I called her 20 times, sent her harsh words, accused her of cheating(she didn’t), telling her to come to my house immediately. She said she was already in bed but I kept bugging her until she gave in. I made her scared of me. The same thing happened a week later too. And she thought it was time to actually break up.
I tried apologizing saying that I will change for good. She said okay I will wait for you. But she already started talking to someone else. When I found about this she brushed it off by saying we’re just friends. Me and her still hanged out but only out in public. I begged her to wait for me while I grow up mentally and throw away my flaws. She told me that she thought about getting back together. That gave me hope. I made the mistake of still keeping in contact with her till last weekend. That weekend I get a picture randomly out of nowhere of her kissing another guy. And I went crazy. I said my words and blocked her on everything. Note that her friends were bullying me too and on many occasions. She would always say “I shouldn’t have let that happen” but kept letting it happen.
Now I realize that we were never meant to be. I only got into a relationship with her because I didn’t want to be alone and the opportunity was right in front of me. But I feel like she has hurt me this past few weeks more than I ever hurt her. She lead me on this whole past month, which made me delusional that I was still close with her. And she told me that “I only said that we can try one last time to make you stop crying.”
I admit I made horrible decisions and was toxic. But she was more toxic than I ever was to her this past month. I dont know who is the villain.

More of a "basic human interaction" issue I guess!
I'm on a work trip abroad and one of my colleagues and I went out last night to see some of the sights. Initially I had no ulterior motives (I've recently separated form my long time gf, and have been busy with work so relationships aren't really on my mind atm), we had simply discussed wanting to see some of the sights before she left (this afternoon), so I invited her along to one of my evening walks and she happily accepted.
We had a great evening, talked all night and there was definitely a connection, body language, light touching etc. Later in the evening we joined some of our other colleagues for dinner and had a few drinks, where one of them commented to me in private that he thought we looked good together, which got me thinking that actually, she was very much my type and perhaps I should see how things go.
A few more drinks are had, then we all return to our hotel where everyone parts ways - she comments that she needs to pack her things but wished we could have had more time to chat, so I wish her goodnight and we part ways.
Myself and another colleague stay for another drink, then head to bed.. at this point I decide to send her a text saying that I had a great time, enjoyed her company etc., and she reciprocates. This is where I fuck up.. I then stupidly decide to invite her to my room and she doesn't reply. I awoke this morning feeling mortified. I also realised she probably thinks I'm an asshole, as no one really knows I've recently separated from my ex (she had been a part of a conversation earlier in the week, where another colleague had mentioned my ex as if we were still together, and I did not correct them).
We work in a very large company and it's unlikely we'll bump into each other at work, but I feel like I should apologise for my inappropriateness and also explain that I am no longer in a relationship... but i'm unsure if it's too late for that and should just let it be and wallow in my embarrassment... part of me is also thinking that i'm overreacting. As i'm sure you can tell, it's been a while since I've been this position!
Any advice please?

So I’m staying at an Airbnb and my allergies have been horrible. Headache, burning eyes, skin is crawling and brain burning kind of allergies. A friend comes over and they check the air filter to see if it needs cleaning. It’s DISGUSTING. I text the owner of the Airbnb and she maintains that she changes the filter “every couple of months,” but I want to put this photo of the dirty filter out to the internet to see how long people think the owner hasn’t changed the filter for? What are peoples experiences with air filters? Do they really build up dust and all this gunk in just a couple of months like the owner said? Or does this filter look like it hasn’t been changed in 6 months - a year? Please help settle my internal debate. I just want some peace of mind that I’m not crazy, or if this is actually what a couple of months of air vent buildup looks like. Thanks!

This is a long one, you don't have to read, I just need to vent..
I was always the one to be left out, in family, in friend groups, on the internet. It always felt as if I never really had a place to belong. Until I met them.
I met Al (Nickname) in grade 7, they were smart, beautiful, and passionate, they were just like me, I felt so happy when they took me into their arms, I didn't feel alone, I had somewhere to belong, I felt happy for once. We were so close that they were my first girlfriend, back in grade 7 I thought I was a lesbian.
Being young and close we hit it off for a while, that was till my friends got into a fight and I had to chose a side, I was easily manipulated and still am, they said I had to dump my gf bc they were weird and a bad influent to me. I was heart broken but I did what I was told. But once Joy left the school due to bad behavior I started dating Al again, I was head over heels for them. I drew us together, made animations of us together, I even wrote cute cheesy fanfics with us together.
But when grade 9 came we kinda just drifted apart and we both found different ppl, I was still madly in love with them but I wasn't emotionally ready to be with anyone so I decided to be single for a bit. We were still friends, they always had my back, but we started to fight more. The fighting started in grade 7 after I broke up with them bc of my friends, they said I was a bad person and was toxic, I took that to heart and did everything to improve.
I thought I was doing so well especially with every time we dated or were friends they said I was a better person. Until they said I never changed, I was always so confused on how fast they switched, it hurt me and made me feel worthless, they made me feel like I will never be good enough for them to like me.
There were times I did more then I could handle to please them, I did everything they said, I ignored my mental health for them, only to be told I was gaslighting and manipulating them, I never knew where I went wrong bc they never told me where I went wrong.
In grade 11 is where I started to see the real Al, they did that too all our friends, if someone didn't agree with them, then that person was toxic and manipulating Al, if someone didn't obey them then that person was gaslighting Al. We had a massive fight before I moved school, they said that non of this was their fault bc they did some online research and thought they had BPD and that they didn't need to apologize and that I was the bad person
(P.S: This post will have nothing against BPD, ppl with it are not bad ppl, just Al was a bad person with or without it)
I stopped talking to them all together and promised myself that I would keep myself safe and ignore them forever but after I graduated school they texted me saying that they were sorry and wanted to rebuild our relationship, idk what came over me but I felt overjoyed to see them in my life again.
I agreed and everything was going so well! We hung out more, we had sleep overs, we spent Halloween together, we went on trips together. I would learn about everything about BPD to help them and be their special person, despite being the wrong person for it, I have my own mental issues that makes me feel like I should hide away and close ppl off. I grew exsughted and tend to hide away at home a lot of the time, I would end up in the hospital every weak due to extreme self harm, but no matter what, I ignored my feelings and well being for Al, I went when I felt like dying, I kept a smile for them, I went when I was in extreme pain, I went when I had massive mingraes to the point of barely being able to open my eyes. I did everything for them, only to be told that i was toxic, that i was a bad freinds, that I was selfish.
They said I was a pedo for creating an oc for my own horrid henry comic, they said that was most likey projecting myself into the oc even though Al dated a 15 yr old when 18. I was fed up of trying so hard for them, learning BPD for them, destroying myself for them, I exploded on them and blocked them after.
I know I didn't do those things, they never did anything for me, they ever helped me, they never lended me a hand, they only brought up the past, reminded me of who I was, but now that I think about it, that ver of me isn't real, it's just how they told me who I was. They lied to me for 6 years, they hurt me for 6 years, they broke me down for 6 FUCKING YEARS!!! But... Why do I feel guilty, as if this person is me.. Everyone around me said that wasn't me but... I still hate myself

Hi, I’m just looking for opinions and advice regarding my current situation that I will detail below. Yes I understand seeking a legal team will be my best course of action however while I’m in the midst of finding that I am curious of what other people may think of my situation. Please share your views, inputs, and advice without being bias or drawing at my character as I don’t have to malicious intent. TIA
My ex gf and I have had been together for about 3 months and she became pregnant after 1 month of knowing each other. Much to my surprise she opted out on keeping the baby which to me was a bit concerning as I did not know who she was fully and how she was as we had just met. During her pregnancy she totally flipped as a person and her true character revealed itself. The little time that we dated we had our issues and the relationship was on the brink of ending but the pregnancy kept things afloat for another month. We broke up and I was fully blocked from her whole pregnancy and had on and off contact with her as she would only return to emotionally manipulate me and disappear again.
Fast forward to our child being born she randomly texts me a photo of our child and we’re back talking, she coursed me into trying to back together and creating a family but I always found it concerning how she would use the family card against me whenever I was truly done with her emotional and psychological abuse. We had agreed on our child’s name back when she was pregnant and she went behind my back and changed my child’s name to something completely different and didn’t even give him my last name. She also did not list me on the birth certificate. She hid this from me this entire time and only started speaking on it because she realized I’m seeking legal actions. She only let me see my child 4 times the first month that my child was born and I haven’t seen my child in almost a month now. My child is about to be 2 months old.
I’ve already seen trends of her weaponizing my child and using it against me. She expects me to be a cash cow and uses the excuse of “provide for your child” as the reasoning behind her mental torture. She withholds important information about him from me and I’ve been alienated from my child’s life. She acts evil and abusive towards me after trying to emotionally get me attached to my child. Her moms even chimed in and has verbally abused me because I didn’t fall for her manipulation. She calls herself the real father of my child. She asked her daughter to cut ties with me and never tell me anything about my son again and she listened and did just that. I believe they are abusing my good faith in keeping my child’s interest at heart against me and using it to their sickening advantage.
I’m looking to get custody of my child and be able to change his name back to what we originally had selected. My child does live in poorer conditions and housed in a bedroom shared with 3 people. I understanding breastfeeding is gonna be one of the things she claims but for how long? My child’s future is at stake as his religious, cultural, and spiritual well being isn’t being served properly. My ex does not work and is on government assistance. I believe my child’s welfare is at stake being with his mother. What is the degree of difficulty on getting something like this done and what would you suggest? Please share your thoughts,

About 7 months ago, I (37M) married my partner (27F, former coworker) of 4 years. We had a spectacular wedding (no expense spared, I paid for most of it), ~500 attendees including political elite, it couldn't have been more perfect.
As an expat of ~10 years in her home country, I had reservations committing to any local partner due to uncertainty surrounding the cultural, religious, and socio-economic gap. That uncertainty disappeared when, 6 months into our relationship, she casually mentioned her family's elite political heritage (something I would have name dropped on the first date 😅); so I was convinced I had found someone who checked all the boxes... her family is lovely!
~1.5 months after our marriage, she started working late a lot, staying with friends more than usual, and the sex life started deteriorating. Around then, she started planning our honeymoon, but her year-end vacation is much longer than mine so she also planned a follow up trip with a female friend to an exotic'ish country nearby.. fine by me, have fun! During her trip, I asked her to send selfies/wefies with her friend and got nothing... She came back from the trip and told me she thought our relationship wasn't going to work out. 🤯 Lots of gaslighting, silly reasons that could be easily worked through. I put in lots of effort to connect, strengthen the relationship, and was met with more avoidance, work trips, and nights with friends.
3.5 months in, she messaged me that I needed to get checked for STDs because she was positive for gonorrhea; I tested negative, but having had sex with her two days prior, I was tested positive within 7 days. Initially, she lied about where it came from, but eventually she confessed that it came from a one night stand with "Guy S" on her "work trip" two weeks prior, exactly 90 days after our marriage. I was mad, probably shouted a bit, insisted "First time, Last time" and she couldn't agree to that: "I'm afraid it will happen again." I read If you're in my office it's already too late, started The Gottman Method, booked marriage counseling sessions, and honestly forgave her... I had cheated on a girlfriend when I was her age (didn't give that GF an STD! 😒) so I could relate and repair / rebuild.
4.7 months after our marriage, while the work trips, nights with friends, withdrawal continued... I went through her purse and found photos of her kissing "Guy J", love letters from him, and used emergency contraceptives. Immediately, I went to talk to her at her parent's house, she was staying there for a family event. She refused to speak to me 1o1 so the conversation happened in front of her parents. Everything came out. The STDs from "Guy S", the photos with "Guy J", and the countless "work" trips that were lies. She countered with all my shortcomings... gaslighting: my poor sexual performance, how I don't appreciate her cooking enough, etc. I let her get it out, left, she stayed with her parents for a week, and they berated her for her actions.
In the meantime, I started going through bank statements, text messages, talked with her friends (connected with the post-honeymoon trip friend, she friend maintained the lie) and I discovered that her post-honeymoon trip with was actually with "Guy J"... because she bought the tickets & hotel with our money and he repaid some of it with bank transfer "Thanks"... only 1.5 months after our marriage. 😖 When she came back, still in shock / in the fog, I gave her two options: A) Divorce B) Truth & Reconciliation + Postnup. She chose option B, but continued to lie: "he reimbursed me for the trip because he couldn't go". 🤦
I took a month off to return to my home country and broke the news to my mother in person. I didn't tell my mom about the STDs, only the affair, but she didn't need convincing => Option A is the only way forward and she never wants to see / speak to my wife again. During the month away, my wife said she was sorry and she wanted to make everything right... she said Truth & Reconciliation would start when I got back.
I returned this past Monday and I didn't want to break the news to her as soon as I walked through the door, so we've had a week of business as usual. She's been on her best behavior, which is nice'ish, but I can't see past her ability to deceive and I can't ignore everyone's advice that Option A is the only way forward... so I plan to break the news to her tomorrow. 😖 😬
Why am I posting this? Idk; maybe to vent, maybe to seek validation that I'm not being an asshole for ending things while she is finally coming around... mostly to get feedback on how to support her while standing up for myself. I'm not a psychologist so it's unfair for me to diagnose her, but she sociopathically(?) maintained a deeply emotional affair for ~4 months while playing wife... maybe I can do the same, supporting her, while we setup a future without each other? *OR* Break the news, help her pack up, and book a rental for her. *OR* I'm an idiot, this week of normality is a sign that she's turned a new leaf and we'll live happily ever after.
Anxious for tomorrow, thank you for reading, sorry for the long post... most trying 6 months of my life thus far. 🥲 🤗

Pretty much what the title says. About 2 months ago I (20m) got broken up with my ex gf (19f). During the last month we were together I thought I saw her out with another guy, she used to wear a hoodie with butterflies and a jean skirt and has blonde hair. While out in the city I saw someone that looked exactly like her with another guy and just shut down. She even told me that she joined a book club so the coincidences just kept piling up. I kinda drifted and stopped initiating stuff like calls, hangouts, text convos etc to see if she really wanted me to check maybe that was really her i saw. I was met with bad timing because I found out after we broke up she was dealing with something. After a month i second thought myself and think that definitely wasn't her. I fed up, like really badly, and to me she was perfect even though j mightve forgeten for a few weeks and thought we could talk and just move past this. I realized that me isolating her did so much damage, and I think ab texting her how much I want her back every dayy. But sadly, that won't happen. I have done so many things in the past 2 months to try and forget her, and the feelings I have just grow more painful as time goes on, and I feel like I'm spiraling. Talking and figuring things out isn't an option as she has ghosted my last text to her, I'm in so much pain and have given up on relationships and love so plz reddit what can I do or not do to help me move on.

Me (30M) and my girlfriend (29F) have been dating for about 8 months. Started dating end of August 2023. Last year around Christmas we were at this dive bar in her home town.
The bar is packed and loud cuz everyone is home for the holidays. We were sitting down at the bar and she sees someone enter the bar from like 50ft away and says “omg”, starts giggling and points at someone behind me. Not trying to draw attention, I wait a few moments then turn around and see a mid 40yr old looking guy standing a lone looking visible physically awkward and uncomfortable.
My girlfriend says he is a guy she dated like a year ago (they dated for 6months) and that he is going to hate seeing her there with someone. She starts saying a few things she dislikes about him and how he borderline stalked her to the point that she had to block his phone number and also had to block him on multiple social media accounts.
We giggle about the guy for a bit and 5mins later the guy comes over to say hi to her and I. They make small talk, I introduce myself and make small talk. Then he leaves the bar for the night without even having been there for more than 15mins.
Girlfriend starts cackling then goes on a 10min rant of how the guy was controlling and all this other really negative stuff. Eventually we move on from talking about the guy and enjoy the rest of the night.
We leave the bar around 1am, my girlfriend checks her phone and her ex messaged her on Facebook giving excuses why he had to leave the bar so fast. He also makes comments about me looking like a boring person and then asks her if we want to have a threesome.
Dude doesn’t even have the ability to see us together and is messaging my girlfriend stuff like this so I’m just pissed at the guy and say to my GF “wow you should probably block him on FB too” and leave it at that. We never talk about the guy again and he never comes up in conversation again.
Fast forward to the other day, early May 2024, my GF and I have swapped phones looking through each other’s FB marketplace chat history. We were exchanging stories about things we’ve found cuz we’re both really into thrifting and things like that. We each use the others phones all the time with no questions asked.
While on messenger, seeing her marketplace chat history, I go to the archive chats to see any past things she was interested in. The first thing I see in the archive is the chat between her and her ex. There are messages from a week ago and the notifications for the chat are muted.
My GF a week ago went to that same towny dive bar with a friend and asked her ex if he wanted to join. That’s the most recent message. Seeing this made me completely shocked. My GF had gone to the bathroom while I was seeing this.
I scroll up in the chat and see that since they saw each other around Christmas they’ve talked every few weeks/months exchanging a handful of messages with mostly boring life updates.
However, every time they exchange a few texts it’s always my GF initiating the conversation. And she has mentioned getting together with him to hang out several times. The most recent conversation went exactly like this.
GF: “Hey I’m going to bar wanna join?” EX: “I thought you were in love with that guy?” GF: “That doesn’t mean we can’t hangout and talk”
So guys…….what the hell is going on? I have yet to tell her I saw the messages. I feel like I’ve been lied to by my GF who has told me she feels like she can tell me anything. She is clearly purposely hiding this FB chat from me because she moved this active chat with him to her chat archives and muted notifications on the chat. She is hiding a chat with a guy who she claimed she hates and says is a horrible person. Yet she is messaging him first every time and is trying to hangout with him……
I feel betrayed and have never felt more justified to tell a significant other to stop speaking with someone. Btw I’ve never told a partner to never speak with anyone before.
I feel justified in breaking up with her over this….
Am I overreacting????
Edit: To clarify, I’m almost 100% positive they have never actually met up. But she has asked him if he wanted to go to the bar several times while she was with other friends who know we are together. At no point in their text was there ever “yeah ok let’s meet at this time, k see ya there” We share each others location and she’s literally either always at work or her mom’s house 99% of the time.
Edit 2: I don’t care that she is talking to an ex. I’m friends with some of my EXs. She is friends with some of hers. We talk to each other about past experiences with EXs. I don’t care about that. I’m not a jealous person. The issue is she is going out of her way to HIDE this EX and her conversation.
Edit 3: please keep commenting but I’m pretty sure my plan of attack needs to be just to ask her next time we are by that bar “lol hey remember that guy? Did he continue to talk with you after that night?”

For context it started months back where I noticed my wife texting and laughing a lot. I asked what’s so funny. She mentioned it was her male coworker being funny. Didn’t think anything of it until I noticed it was non stop texting day and night. Mentioned it bothered me how much she’s texting him. She says it’s all innocent and that they’re just friends and they’re talking about things from work and other random stuff and she mentioned he has a gf. I said alright, but if he confesses some type of love towards her I would like her to end it. To which she agreed. Time passes still see them texting so often. Then I finally found out from her that he has caught feelings for her days after he’s confessed to her because I confronted her about something else. I’ve asked her to end her friendship and now I believe she resents me for it. Am I in the wrong?

Hi there,
I’m a parent of a 21 month old boy and I’m just looking for some perspective in this situation. My son goes to a private licensed daycare that is run through an agency. He started last August and we have never had a single issue with our daycare provider. She has been nothing but loving towards our son and he seems to love her too. She is very gentle and soft spoken and in the 8 months that he’s been under her care he has never even come home with a dirty diaper let alone an injury.
In mid March we were notified that an allegation was made against her and she was immediately shut down while child services investigated. For privacy reasons we never heard the full extent of the accusation from CPS but our daycare provider told us that she brought the kids to the park, one of them ran into a tree branch and got a small cut on their cheek. It did not bleed/ need stitches. The parents were understanding when they picked him up but then next thing you know they contacted child services. The investigation lasted less than 3 weeks and the recommendation was “for her to watch the children more closely”. Given how happy our child was there and what seemed to be a very minor event, we decided to return to her daycare All the parents besides the ones who made the accusation chose to return once she reopened as well.
Well we just got another call from the agency tonight that another allegation was made and she has now being shut down permanently. This absolutely breaks my heart for both my son and his daycare provider. But at the same time I’m wondering if I’m just being naive in this situation. I feel like I generally have a very good read of people so I guess I’m just feeling lost that I potentially put my child back in danger for the last couple months? I don’t know if it’s relevant to mention that she is a black Muslim woman and I wonder if maybe there is some discrimination rimation at play here as well?
My son literally runs from the car to her door every day and gives her a big hug when he gets there. He has not displayed any signs of abuse after reading about it but hoping someone might be able to shed some light on signs I might be missing given that he is so young. Sorry for the wall of text I just feel so lost and sad.

In a previous post, I talked about how I felt I was being emotionally manipulated by my gf of 7 months. The overwhelming consensus in the comments, from my friends, and myself is that I definitely should break up with her. But this is my first major relationship, I don’t know how to break up with someone, let alone breaking up with someone who is somewhat emotionally unstable.
I’ve been told it would be a bad idea to break up with her via text or phone, I’m getting back from a vacation and id probably meet up with her the following day. While what I’ve heard says we should meet up in a public place, where I live it might be awkward to due to how parking works as we usually park and meet up at one of our apartments. I assume it would be better to go to her apartment instead of mine.
After I get there, do I immediately start the conversation, or do I wait till after we take a walk or eat? I also brought her back a lot of souvenirs from my vacation, do I even give them to her if we plan on breaking up, is it douchey to give/not give them? I feel like if I didn’t bring them she would know somethings up immediately as she is aware that I’m bringing her back stuff, but if I’m breaking up with her anyway does that matter?
I know im overthinking this, but I really want to plan this out as much as I can. My worst fear is that when I start to break up with her she’ll convince me that I shouldn’t and I’ll believe her. I’m also worried if she starts threatening self harm if I break up with her (she has threatened self harm before). What do I even do if she does? She doesn’t have many friends, and she isn’t very close to her family, there’s not really anyone that would be easy to reach out to to check on her if I’m worried she’ll self harm.
In summary, While I know I’ve been manipulated some part of me still loves her and I have a feeling that I’ll walk into this wanting to break up with her but i will be convinced otherwise. Anyone have any advice?

I (23F) have been dating 25M for 10 months now. I am so scared I am going to sabotage this relationship because of my insecurities. I am just comparing myself endlessly with his ex-gf and his ex-FWB.. There are multiple things that bother me, I''ll try to list them:
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. Information, pictures or texts that I've found through lurking (which I try to stop doing) hurts my feelings but have burned themselves into my head. (1) For example, the summer we started dating he was frequently liking his ex-FWB pictures on IG - some revealing, some not - last one he liked was from a couple of months back, a very revealing one where she had taken a picture from above, angle looking into her tanktop, her tongue was out, nipple piercings visable through her shirt, very suggestive. Him liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable. He hasn't done it for months now, but I fear it could return around summer when she wears revealing outfits again.
(2) I've also recently realized in a group chat with his friends he added me to, you can look back at messages before you were in the GC. That led me to look way back and see some things from months before we started dating, that still bothers me. Messages about his ex-FWB, how hot she is, how hot it is that she is a masochist (I'm not one), etc. I even saw pictures he had shared in the GC of many, many nudes she had sent him and pictures he took while they were having sex, in many different positions (with her consent, she's into it). It bothers me it looks to be using the same BDSM equipment he uses on me, the same positions he likes me in, etc. It makes me paranoid he's thinking about her when he's having sex with me. From the pictures it was apparent she is more sexually confident than I am, which makes sense given she has a much bigger sexual history than I do, he only just took my virginity, but still, it makes me scared he wishes I was more like her. This thoughts show up in my head almost any time we do anything sexual together, it's horrible and obviously makes it very hard to be fully there and enjoy it
(3) I also saw a message he sent in the GC 8 days after him and I had met: “I asked \ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck just now, she's online she’s ignoring me lol”.* This was 8 days after we met, 8 days after he sent a message to that same GC about how he met a cute girl and he thinks that she likes him (me). We weren't official, didn't become so until 5 days after he sent that ex-fwb message, but still, it kind of hurts he wishes to hook up with her once more even after we had met, we had had our first date at that point. Especially also because he has told me multiple times that having sex with her reassured him that sex just as a means to get off wasn't for him, and that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again? I fear he lied to me.
(4) There were also some messages from the past about his ex. He send various different texts various different occasions about how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is and that they can have such intelligent discussions. I feel like him and I never discuss things back and forth. I also am very, very much the opposite of "sociable", I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous. He also send a comment about how his ex, at the time when they were dating, had "perfect big boobs", which makes me insecure since mine are much more on the smaller side.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but for now I’m doing my best with what I can do. It is absolutely exhausting, the way everything makes me second guess myself. I've never felt as insecure as I do now. I've considered breaking up multiple times, even though I love him and really can see myself having a family with him in the future, just because it is so draining and I feel much more insecure now than I ever did before we were dating. The little insecurity that I do show him willingly, he will go on to reassure me a ton.. he's very loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. It's all in my head. How do I improve from this? ANY advice appreciated x

I (23F) have been dating 25M for 10 months now. I am so scared I am going to sabotage this relationship because of my insecurities. I am just comparing myself endlessly with his ex-gf and his ex-FWB.. There are multiple things that bother me, I''ll try to list them:
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. Information, pictures or texts that I've found through lurking (which I try to stop doing) hurts my feelings but have burned themselves into my head. (1) For example, the summer we started dating he was frequently liking his ex-FWB pictures on IG - some revealing, some not - last one he liked was from a couple of months back, a very revealing one where she had taken a picture from above, angle looking into her tanktop, her tongue was out, nipple piercings visable through her shirt, very suggestive. Him liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable. He hasn't done it for months now, but I fear it could return around summer when she wears revealing outfits again.
(2) I've also recently realized in a group chat with his friends he added me to, you can look back at messages before you were in the GC. That led me to look way back and see some things from months before we started dating, that still bothers me. Messages about his ex-FWB, how hot she is, how hot it is that she is a masochist (I'm not one), etc. I even saw pictures he had shared in the GC of many, many nudes she had sent him and pictures he took while they were having sex, in many different positions (with her consent, she's into it). It bothers me it looks to be using the same BDSM equipment he uses on me, the same positions he likes me in, etc. It makes me paranoid he's thinking about her when he's having sex with me. From the pictures it was apparent she is more sexually confident than I am, which makes sense given she has a much bigger sexual history than I do, he only just took my virginity, but still, it makes me scared he wishes I was more like her. This thoughts show up in my head almost any time we do anything sexual together, it's horrible and obviously makes it very hard to be fully there and enjoy it
(3) I also saw a message he sent in the GC 8 days after him and I had met: “I asked \ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck just now, she's online she’s ignoring me lol”.* This was 8 days after we met, 8 days after he sent a message to that same GC about how he met a cute girl and he thinks that she likes him (me). We weren't official, didn't become so until 5 days after he sent that ex-fwb message, but still, it kind of hurts he wishes to hook up with her once more even after we had met, we had had our first date at that point. Especially also because he has told me multiple times that having sex with her reassured him that sex just as a means to get off wasn't for him, and that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again? I fear he lied to me.
(4) There were also some messages from the past about his ex. He send various different texts various different occasions about how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is and that they can have such intelligent discussions. I feel like him and I never discuss things back and forth. I also am very, very much the opposite of "sociable", I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous. He also send a comment about how his ex, at the time when they were dating, had "perfect big boobs", which makes me insecure since mine are much more on the smaller side.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but for now I’m doing my best with what I can do. It is absolutely exhausting, the way everything makes me second guess myself. I've never felt as insecure as I do now. I've considered breaking up multiple times, even though I love him and really can see myself having a family with him in the future, just because it is so draining and I feel much more insecure now than I ever did before we were dating. The little insecurity that I do show him willingly, he will go on to reassure me a ton.. he's very loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. It's all in my head. How do I improve from this? ANY advice appreciated x
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, from before we were dating. Including him calling his ex-FWB hot, sharing the nudes she sent him, sharing pictures he took while they were having sex (with her consent). It makes me extremely insecure and worried that he prefers her, or is thinkig about her when we do stuff.
Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he wishes I was more like her.. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer and I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship. How do I repair my insecurities?

We were together two months never official. She texted me she broke up because she got kicked out of school and wasn’t ready to date. She couldn’t call me after I asked. Couple days before we broke up she agreed to be exclusive. I checked in on her around Christmas and she initially responded but then ignored my next text asking if she was okay since she told me she wasn’t okay which left me really upset. She was my first relationship. Me and my ex met up about three months ago at a bar coincidentally. We said hi and she bought me a drink. I asked her how she was. We later met up again at another bar. I bought her a drink and we talked more about the future and her issues. I told her I lost my friends and couldn't find them, but I told her l'd leave if she wanted me to and she never said to. On our second shot we hugged and I told her if she ever wanted to try again that it would be fine with me. She said she really wished she didn’t have to break up and didn’t want things to end that way. She went back to her friends and I just stood by myself at the bar trying to get ahold of my friends on my phone. A couple minutes later I saw her run out of the bar by herself. I was concerned because it's bad area and I didn't want her to be alone. I went out and asked her if she was okay. She said she was trying to go home but her ride canceled. I bought her way back into the bar because they weren't accepting anymore people. She told me she wasn't coming home with me that night and I said I know that. When we got back in we got a drink to make up for me paying for her to get back in. We talked about me potentially visiting at work for ice treatment and she said that would be fine and to text her if I needed anything. Then I stupidly asked her to dance because I was drunk. She said that at that point she just wanted to go home. I just talked to her other male friends as I waited for my friends to respond. They appeared to be friendly with me. I truly wasn’t trying to be a jerk. Her female friends gave me dirty looks. When the bar shut down I asked her what I should do she gave me advice of either walking to my cousins or getting an Uber and told me to text her when I get back home. I texted her and she responded nicely saying thanks for checking in. The next day I asked her about visiting at work and she didn't reply so I followed up the next day. This time she replied with a nasty text saying that I followed her around and that it was very uncomfortable. She said I took the whole situation too far and that she didn't want to date or be exclusive and that she wouldn't feel comfortable with me at her work. She then said that this would be our last conversation and she wishes me the best of luck in my endeavors. I just didn’t reply. She then unadded me on snap. After everything I did for her I felt horrible. All I've ever done for her was protect her and try to make her happy. I just hope she knows that that is not who I am. I recently saw her on a dating app which hurt as well. Then she unfollowed me on instagrams after I posted on my story. I already unfollowed her a while ago.

(This is one of my first posts like this so bear with me.)
I (17M) and my girlfriend (16FM) have been dating for about 2 years & three months, and everything has been amazing besides the occasional disagreement here and there. And in the middle of my relationship i decided to start cutting haibecoming a barber, and that has been going very well since i've started (about a year ago.) But around a day ago i got a text message from one of my regular clients telling me that he has a friend (female) who would like to get a lineup/eyebrow slit from me and was wondering if that would be possible. In the moment i felt a bit nervous because i've never gave a female a haircut before & it sounded like a new concept to me and i told my girlfriend about it, her response to that was " yeah no" and with just her opinion in mind i told the person i wouldn't be able to cut their hair and they were understanding of that.
After that conversation i put my mind into perspective and remembered i’m persuing a business that is open to everyone/anyone regardless of gender so it honestly shouldn’t be as much of a problem as she may see it, so later that day i brought up the conversation again to her (my gf) because i don’t see how it could/would be fair to decline a haircut service to someone based off of gender.
She told me that she just wanted to tell me how she felt about it and how now she thinks that it doesn’t matter what she thinks or what opinion she may have on something because “ i’m gonna do what i want to do” and that if it’s what i want to do she’s going to support me (even though that’s clearly not how it felt when i first told her)
I proceeded to remind her that i am pursuing/in a career that has no reason to decline anybody solely based off of their gender, and i also told her regardless of what their sexual orientation may be i will always be professional with what i do and that it will always remain that way. Yet she got upset by that and said that is why she feels like her feelings don’t matter to me because “ it’s my feelings over her feelings” which i never intended her to feel that way and i told her exactly that. And she responded by saying that from now on she won’t tell/bring up when something is bothering her since she feels there wouldn’t be any change from her bringing it up.
(You see my girlfriend is the type where she’d rather me not to talk/interact with females, she does have jealousy i can tell you that, but i’ve never gave her a reason to feel that way. She’s had multiple bad past relationships where she’s been cheated on/lied to before and it’s something i feel she’s carried on into our relationship.)
AITAH?

So, I’ve been with my gf for a year and 11 months. She's been doing a lot of things recently that have been making me wanna end things. Throughout the relationship she always made me feel dumb. She wont trust me if i say something is a certain way, and she ALWAYs has to be right. At a drs appointment, she kept talking FOR me, like i was an idiot. To the point where the dr had to say he was talking to me. Ive brought it up once before but it didn't stop, now i just say “yeah. I know” whenever she trys to mansplain something, with me visibly annoyed. To be fair, I only brought it up the once. Recently shes been super jealous, I started hanging out with a new coworker pretty often, we're friends and nothing has/ would happen. I think she started getting jealous because since we started dating ive barley seen my friends, so seeing someone other then her often has made her insecure. Anyway, whenever Im with coworker (32f) she gets sad and wont talk to me. But every time i try to bring it up she says its a non issue and wont talk about it. She knows I dont like how she acts about it, and ive never given her a reason to be jealous. About 2 weeks ago while I was at coworkers, she walked to coworkers house (about a 10 minute walk from her apartment) to see if my car was still there, then texted me saying she was sad cause i was there so late. I just ignored it cause i honestly couldnt believe it.
For about a month I've felt my feelings for her fading, but this just really kicked me over the edge. She asked to come with me on my “errand day” and i tried to act normal but I was visibly annoyed with her. Problem is, our 2 year anniversary is in 2 months, which is booked. And next week were supposed to stay in an airbnb after a family wedding. I feel like im fully out of this, I dont know what to do. I feel at times like this isn’t a big enough reason to end things and I’m over reacting but idk. If I end it, do I do it before the wedding and just take the airbnb fee? Do i do it after and try to act like everything is fine? I have no idea. I don’t think she expects this at all. I wanna throw up.
Sorry if this is all over the place, I’m so anxious about it.

Me (M27) and my gf (F24) are in a long distance relationship...mainly staying in touch via texts or voice chat..we've been together for about 4 years now...the first 2 years we've been quite happy there was not many issues ..I used to have minor trust issues cuz of my past relationship but nothing too much...after around 2 years I found out a video on fb of her flirting with a random guy on the street feeling his biceps etc..it was one of those tiktok videos...I've confronted her about ..turned out it wasn't even her on the video.. turned out she was lying to me about how she looks like and who she really is..basically I'd be seeing a complete stranger every day not my gf. She even made 2 fake fb accounts pretending like shes commenting on one of those accounts having sort of a conversation between those two account where in reality it was her basically talking with her self..anyways she explained she was in the dark place she was insecure about who she is...I loved her and I tried to understand. She'd swear she never cheated on me tho , I decided to forgive her..and move on...ofc I'd never forget and all this caused my trust issues to come back and made them even worse..I'd doubt anything she says..although I'd try my best to trust her again...we've had ups and downs but somehow we'd manage to go forwards..ever since we'd meet up a fee times...unfortunately recently she's started acting very shady...coming back home from work at midnight or even 2am...(she's a district nurse now) her only explanation would be she's been busy working..I gues I could understand that but even when I questioned her how come she comes home so late and then I'd ask her where exactly does she go for work..like what city or what district since she'd tell me she goes out the city to her patients....but she'd never tell me ..she's like "I won't tell you" it's shady that she doesn't wanna tell me such a basic thing makes me thing she's lying..just now recently she'd come back home almost at 1am..we get in the party chat together so we can sleep..after a few minutes she tells me she's gonna go to the kitchen to eat smth, she mutes her self then leaves..hours go by she doesn't come back she doesn't text me at all..I even text her and call but no reply..then at 8 am she texts me "sorry I fell asleep at the table" how exactly does it even happen ..I find it very doubtful..once I woke up at around 9am I see her message so I reply ..then again she doesn't reply to me for an entire day...only in the evening she texts me and tells me she's been sleeping...like what? That's just weird makes me think she's doing smth then lies to me she's been sleeping..fair to say that kind of thing has happened a couple of times before..anyways a few days later she comes home at around midnight from work..we get in the voice chat, first we're just chilling then I try to speak to her a few times but she never responds...I even raise my voice she won't reply even tho she's there...almost likes she's ignoring me ..finally she's reply and be like "oh I didn't hear anything" she'd even try to convince me nd her self that I wasn't speaking at all when I was..then after a few min she leaves the pc ...without a word..apparently her connection was bad..then she rejoins and after a min or 2 I can clearly hear some voices..some guy speaking in the background and a girl laughing..everything in the background..usually when does it happen it's cuz she's either watching something on her phone or tv..so I asked what is she doing like I can hear some voices ..she said there's no voices and it's a complete quiet on her side...so apparently it wasn't coming from her phone nor tv ...but I know I heard voices I'm not tripping..and I say she's lying then she argues with me and leaves for the rest of the night...even next day when I tried to tali about her weird fishy behaviour aswell as the voices I heard the previous night she stands by hers..she literally tries to convince me I'm the one tripping and making shit up with the voices etc. She even said that I'm making up the fact I've been speaking to her when she hasn't replied..when In reality I'd even raise my voice in case she doesn't hear me and she'd still not answer..even tho I'm sure 10000% that I heard some voices she simply doesn't wanna admit to it trying to make a fool out of me ...then she argued with me saying she wants out of the relationship where I don't trust her...she's like "oh we're breaking up I'm gonna delete you" but she never does..it's almost like she's trying to manipulate me or gaslight me...it's like she thinks she can do anything and say anything she wants and I'll just stay with her...I know she's lying..she's making it too obvious she's acting way too shady...never wants to tell me stuff never wants to answer my questions...always goes into defensive mode whenever I confront her about stuff that clearly doesn't make any sense nor adds up...like the thing about the voices I heard or even her passing out at the table sleeping there till 8 am and then sleeping all day again? It just doesn't make any sense..anytime I try to talk about it and get some logical answers from her she gets mad annoyed frustrated ...mostly turning it round on me as if I'm a bad guy cuz I don't trust her...the thing is after lying for 2 years she broke the trust and she should be the one doing her best to fix it.but to fix it she needs to be open and honest about every aspect of her life ...the thing is she's not..she's not being open about anything just like when I ask her about work and she won't even tell me where does she go for work...and now she's trying to convince me I'm going crazy hearing voices in my head when I literally know for a fact I heard some voices coming out from her side and she just won't admit ..she'd rather sit and say that I'm making it up in my head as if I had any reasons to be doing that ..especially that she's the one who's been making a lot of stuff up and lying in the past..I just don't know what to do at this point..I feel like I should cut her off

Sandoval Redemption Arc (Timestamp: 3:43) - Luke: Man, you did great this season though. I feel like there were a number of episodes that you absolutely carried, man. You did the dirty work at times that you had to do, 100%. - Schwartz: Luke, that is the hottest and only time I've ever heard a take like that in my life. I feel like I was kind of like a background character this season. - Kristen: No I don’t think so - Luke: You were absolutely essential to get through to people. You were the bridge that needed to happen. - Kristen: It's always your comic relief too. It's so refreshing. - Schwartz: On that note, Luke, to piggyback off or to continue that thought, I read the comments sometimes. For the most part, I stay out of the comments, but I like to see what's going on in there. And I saw a lot of people saying, we don't want a Sandoval Redemption story. - Schwartz: Ew, stop trying to shove a Sandoval Redemption story down our throats. And I don't know, man, maybe I'm too close to Tom or the whole situation. But I never saw this as a Tom Sandoval Redemption season. - Schwartz: I don't think he got a Redemption arc. I think he was just trying to reinstill a little humanity in someone that was like on the fucking edge of losing his mind. And I'm not here to evoke sympathy for Sandoval, but like I'm just saying, like the guy was on the edge. - Schwartz: He went to a very dark place. And yeah, I watched this entire season. I guess, I guess, I don't know, I didn't see it as a as Bravo trying to shove a redemption story down anyone's story at all. I thought it just trying to add some nuance and like a little civility to it. - Luke: There was nothing you could do. It was the story. You know, it's like it picked up so quick after the scandal broke. So what are you going to do? I mean, no one wanted to be around Tom about Sandoval. So I mean, it's kind of the real dynamic. And that's the whole point of it. - Kristen: For me, I think the quote unquote like redemption arc when I watched it, it wasn't about you. And at points, it wasn't even about Sandoval. I think it was the Lala of it trying to like, I don't know, it was like it just felt it didn't feel very authentic at times with Lala and kind of being Sandoval or like even Scheana. - Kristen: I know Scheana struggled a lot, though, but like, just certain times I felt like, because it wasn't you shoving Sandoval down people's throats, there were other people doing it and it felt like less genuine. But I don't think that you did. - Kristen: I think this is the first time not only on Vanderpump Rules, but really, since I've known you, that I've seen you kind of stand up to him and say like, this is like not you stopped sugarcoating shit. You weren't hurtful, but you just had to be more stern with him. - Schwartz: Well, there was some tough love. In order, it's like, dude, we put a hefty sum, you know, like I try not to think like this because it's not healthy, but you know, I could have bought a beautiful home, a nice appreciating asset and sat back and just chilled out. - Schwartz: But you know, I decided to open a bar and I'm taking ownership of it. But it's like when you do that, you put everything on the line for it, then all of a sudden, the brand name is, you know, severely jeopardized because of someone else's actions. It's hard not to be bitter. - Kristen: But of course, of course, but I think time does heal. And I think is from what I've seen, like there were definitely moments and I even said this on Watch What Happens Live when I was on it, like that I saw the glimpses of like a genuine old Tom who was really feeling his feelings. - Kristen: And even though a lot of people maybe didn't want to believe him, like I could see the difference and I genuinely believed his apologies and I do understand also that like it gets to a point where you do feel so beat down because I've been in that position obviously in the past, where it's like how many more times can I say I'm sorry? - Kristen: Where you kind of just get really frustrated, where it's like what the fuck else can I do? Do you want my firstborn child, like you guys, I'm eating shit a little bit. I just think the problem was Ariana wasn't ready and too many people weren't letting that go. And I think that's what it appeared to be. Like they're going to figure that out. She'll figure that out in her own time. - Kristen: I think when she has, I think this hiatus you guys are having is going to be really helpful for everyone to heal and move on and like live their own lives. - Kristen: So then hopefully you guys come back for a season 12 and we get to watch something more fresh, not like, okay, jump back in, no, we just did the reunion, but now a month later, we're going to keep talking about it again. Everyone's still kind of in the same place, you know?
The show taking a break (Timestamp: 8:15) - Schwartz: But yeah, I think that was beautifully stated. I think people need a little break. I think the show, I like that we're actually taking a little breather that is postponed. - Schwartz: I don't know what the future of the whole looks like, but maybe I'm delusional, but I feel like we're just gearing up for a whole new chapter. I don't know. I think the show needs to breathe a little bit. - Schwartz: There's some overexposure. I think there's some you know what of all fatigue, and it's like it got a little dark. Usually, the show has always been 100% authentic. Doute, you lived it with me. We were friends before the show. I think it was always more levity to it. It just got a little bleak, a little dismal for me the past few years. But I don't know. I think everyone's healing. - Schwartz: That was my mantra for the season, but no one wanted to hear it. Forgiveness is healing.
How the reunion was different (Timestamp: 9:04) - Kristen: At least for part one of the reunion, and I've heard some of you guys talk about this, I think the girls on Watch What Happens Live, that it wasn't as heated of a reunion as it has been in the past. It wasn't screaming and shouting and threatening to fight and things like that, which makes it so much more interesting because it's hard to hear. - Schwartz: I think so too. I love nuance and civil conversation. I'm intrigued by that. Of course, I like drama. I like a little blow up, a meltdown here and there, a mic rip, a signature Kristen Doute mic rip. - Kristen: Oh, totally. - Schwartz: But yeah, we had a pretty civil discourse. I don't want to make it sound boring because it was raw and intense. And I think just seeing some of the sentiment on Twitter and stuff, I think it's like you got to admire Lala's propensity to show up and do the work, do her job. - Schwartz: But at the same time, when you explicitly talk about it as if it's a job, it inherently detracts from the reality. So it's like Doute and Luke, you've been doing it long enough now. It's like an unspoken rule in the biz. - Schwartz: You have to be radically honest, remove your filter, and you have to bring it. But in talking about that and breaking the fourth wall, I don't know, lately I've been feeling like it's jeopardizing the authenticity of it. Because these are our real lives, we're not acting, we're not making up storylines. - Kristen: No, I agree with you about the Lala thing. And I think I've even maybe not explained it in the best way where I've said on our podcast recapping it, it felt like no one else wanted to talk about whatever the thing was like calling Rachel or certain moments or go have hot dogs with Jo. I guarantee that every other female cast member was like, hell no. - Kristen: And so Lala was like, I'll fucking do it. And so that's what I think to listeners, to you guys, like what we're trying to explain about reality TV. The job of it is being authentic and you can't have these conversations privately about Girl Joe or about this or that whatever. - Kristen: And then when the cameras are up, go, no, we're not doing that because essentially it means like, oh, the audience will rip us apart because we can't do that. You know what I'm saying? And so the job that Lala did is just saying the things that were already being said behind, like off camera. - Schwartz: Totally. - Kristen: So I do get her a lot of credit for that. - Schwartz: Me too. Lala brings it without a doubt. You know, she's a star on the show, but you know, it's like when you talk about it explicitly, I think, I don't know, in my mind, I worry that it jeopardizes the autisticity, but there's no doubt about it. Lala shows up. It does the work. - Schwartz: And it's like, the thing is a lot of those conversations are conversations you should have. They're like healthy, therapeutic conversations, ones that you would just rather put off. Let's talk about it a month, three months from now, maybe never, preferably sweep it under the rug, say la vie. - Schwartz: But like, you know, short term, it's like we live almost in a condensed time scale when we do reality TV. And it's as awful as some of those conversations are to have. It's like long term, they're usually therapeutic and probably healthy. - Schwartz: But like in Ariana's case this year at the reunion and everything, in like the grey walling and stuff, and just given that it was like this national global sensation, I think her not wanting to have that conversation with Tom at the end, I think it was earned. But you know, I also see other people's viewpoint, like, you know, we've all had to have such horribly uncomfortable conversations. But anyways, I think it seems polarized online. - Kristen: Of course it does - Schwartz: I think it was earned from Arianna, yeah.
What was it like watching the final act of the show together, live on stage, and then immediately having to talk about it? (Timestamp: 12:47) - Schwartz: I think I cried. It didn't feel like a finale finale to me, but it just it felt like a retrospective. And it got me, I don't know, got me feeling all kinds of nostalgia, you know, we've had like, we kind of even know some of us were in our 30s, we kind of grew up on television, you know, it's like, um, yeah, I don't know. - Schwartz: We really did. And like, we've forged really deep, meaningful friendships. Kristen, you're the second person I ever met in Los Angeles, you know, I love you. You're my family. - Kristen: Love you. - Schwartz: And yeah, it got me feeling a lot of feels.
What are going to do since you aren’t filming this summer? (Timestamp: 20:18) - Schwartz: I'm going to start sidequesting. You know what I mean? I don't know if you remember, Kristen, but before the pandemic, I was getting to the point where I was just confident enough to DJ in the bars. - Schwartz: I want to be able to DJ in my bars. I'm not trying to be like superstar DJ. I just want to be able to DJ in my bars. We're kind of relaunching our whiskey, which I'm super stoked about. We're going to be doing some bottle signings next week. We got distribution in California, which is cool. - Schwartz: I'm going to travel for the first time in my life. I'm planning on playing the World Series of Poker, Kristen, you know, I'm an avid poker player. - Schwartz: Also, this is another dream that I think is finally coming to fruition. I have property in Florida. I'm finally going to build a house for my family there and I have like this little pond. - Schwartz: I've been working out like every day eating healthier and I'm reading a little bit again. I stopped reading for like the past four years.
Jo (Timestamp: 30:25) - Kristen: And I don't want to give this too much attention because I feel like this clip as we're speaking is going to end up on an Instagram Live very shortly. But I just want to say that I, as of her last Instagram Live or whenever that was, you let me read your text to her in its entirety. - Kristen: And my frustration lies in that she was cherry picking bits and pieces and not reading the context behind these things, leaving out things that you said that were very kind, as well as leaving out things that you had to call her out on that frustrated you. And we're not going to say what those things are because that's between the two of you. And we're not going to pull out Jo by talking more about that. - Kristen: But I just want people to know that because everyone's like, well, what happened? What's the main thing? And why did it turn this way so quickly? - Kristen: So I think, is that fair to say that you explained yourself in a very lengthy way and said everything you had to say. And it was you that sent the text. - Schwartz: Yeah, it was firm, but constructive. And yeah, it felt like a major violation when she went and read that. And she cherry picked it to fit her narrative online. And like, I get it. She's going through some feelings, like she's hurt a little bit. You know, like, I know I'm very familiar with the feeling of being rejected. - Schwartz: But it's like, the reasons I pulled away from Jo are very valid and she has to respect those. Like she just, I mean, yeah, I'm not going to get into it because I don't want to do that to her. But like she's she's she's told some egregious lies that I found out and I've debunked and I've called it. - Schwartz: I've called her out on a few of them. But some of them are just so uncomfortable to bring up that I never addressed it. It just we were it just I knew at a certain point that I had to pull away from her. - Schwartz: And, you know, hopefully she can respect that I just it does feel like a violation when she goes on there. And it's like she's kind of spinning this narrative like she's a victim. I played her. - Schwartz: And it's like, poor Jo, I'm like, it's just I don't know, man. I get it that her feelings are hurt. But like if I was to talk about the reasons why I separated from her, which are very valid, I think everybody would be singing a different tune online and like, okay, my god, I'm sorry, I judged you Schwartz. - Kristen: And I will say some of those reasons are reasons why I would not redevelop my friendship with her. Like meaning I've been through some of the things, the lies that you've been through as well. So I just wanted to make that crystal clear for people that I think you handled it so incredibly well. - Kristen: You placed a very intelligent and healthy boundary for yourself, for your relationship, for your mental health, for your sanity, really, so you can have a really healthy, productive, awesome summer. You don't have to film. You don't need all this extra drama in your life. You're just trying to like move on to bigger, better, more positive ways of living, you know? - Schwartz: Yeah, I'm like I'm drama fatigued. And it's like, honestly, maybe it wouldn't have escalated to that. But like over the like while the show was airing, people were continually sending me clips and memes. - Schwartz: Oh my god, she was saying she's making me look bad. And people are rallying against you, you know, Team Jo. And I'm just like, I ignored it for so long. - Schwartz: And I think I just hit my breaking point that day. And there's some other things that happened with my family that I found out that I was very unhappy about. And anyways, anyways, so yeah, I just I cut her off. I blocked her. I don't harbor any resentment. I'm not like harboring ill. - Schwartz: I don't want, you know, I'm not sending bad vibes out there or whatever. - Kristen: Totally. It's just a boundary. - Schwartz: I wish her well, but yeah, she's not in my life in any capacity anymore and never will be. - Luke: Last question about on this topic. Have you seen Baby Reindeer? - Schwartz: No, I have not seen Baby Reindeer. - Luke: Are you familiar with what it is? - Schwartz Vaguely. - Kristen: You need to watch it though. - Luke: It's worth it. - Schwartz: I don't know. But anyways, I'll leave on a positive note, you know, anyways, yeah, no hard feelings no hard feelings at all.
Sandoval and Schwartz living situation (Timestamp: 45:30) - Schwartz: Well, listen, it's kind dynamic right now. I'm thinking about downsizing slightly, maybe a cool little lot. First of all, I've always wanted to live in a loft, a cool artist loft. - Schwartz: I found a really cool one in the valley. I was thinking about possibly downsizing while I build my house in Florida, just to cut costs a little bit. The optics of me moving in with Sandoval are not good for my personal growth and everything. - Schwartz: I also don't mind helping my friend out because I don't know exactly what's going to happen with the house, but I know his mortgage is going to be a lot more should he get to keep the house. I don't mind helping my buddy out either. It's like I'd rather give him some of my money, have a little backyard, a pool, and chill out there while I build my house in Florida, but it for sure wouldn't be anything long term. - Schwartz: As much as we love each other, and we've had very healthy conversations about this. We're like, dude, I don't really want to live with you. He's like, I don't want to live with you either, but I'm thinking it would be fun one last time before we get too old, we get hitched, have kids. Maybe it'd be fun to live together, but it's like, my god, the sentiment online is like, ew, don't do it, loser.
***end of recap

I am home for the summer from university with my mom, sister, and brother. Dad had me move out and is generally distant. My girlfriend lives very close and I see her often, and I text my best friend every day, but none of my good college friends live within an hour drive and I feel my time is pretty saturated between those groups anyway.
Larely it seems most conversations with my mom, sister, girlfriend, or best friend get steered toward how they had an awful day, a distressing dream, someone did something shitty to them recently or in the past, they've wound up in a stressful, dangerous, or expensive situation they can't do anything about, the world and society sucks, or they're feeling seriously depressed. To clarify, it's in an explicitly sad way, not a funny story/vent way. And I find myself saying "I'm sorry" or "damn" several times, most times I talk to them. In the case of gf and best friend, both had extremely rough childhoods and the gruesome details get brought up most days. I think I know these people and yet every other day I learn some completely new, Dr. Doofenshmirz-ass backstory. Then there's my brother, who doesn't vent much but beats himself up a lot, and my mom has solicited my help to help him pass 10th grade as his homework helper. She's pretty tough on him and he's struggling emotionally as is.
Anyway, I've been home for a week and am already sad and mentally exhausted. It just doesn't feel like I can have a pleasant exchange and like no one around me is strong enough to lean on or even start a conversation with without bracing for psychic damage. I don't know if I'll last three months like this, but they all need support. I think I'm the main person my mom, gf, and best friend all go to, and that's because I've promised to be there for them. Is it fair to withdraw that support or ask that they use it less? Basically, will I be the asshole if they come to me and I ask to change the subject?