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Reader Advisory: The next couple of parts contain talk about a number of sensitive topics centered around PTSD. I'll have some space here so you don't accidentally see something you didn't want to, but if you read on, just know, it is to a purpose, and yes, it does concern some of my own experiences with PTSD.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I hate this. This feeling of them all around my mind, but I need to see it. How did Keith become this? I can feel my tribemate, Hoda... I had expected her to choose to be my wife, but I feel it, she has become wife to Keith.... whatever, it is unimportant. I am Trayg, and I have four wives already, and at least six when I am done with this 'game'. He is a strong warrior, and I need to learn his strength. I feel all the other weaklings, though. Bah, weak, but they provide in their own ways to make up for it.
Keith's song begins again, and I feel things shift around me, and I see my first view of this Earth. For such a warrior, I expected a stronghold, but it is anything but. The sun is bright on this house, and I see farms back behind it, lines of trees to protect from the wind between fields, and a warm breeze flows outward. And then, I see him, a child, pedaling furiously on some contraption, a bag clutched in his hand, his knuckles paling from how hard he holds it. A tithe for his father, something to instill pride, though the memory does not remember what is inside. I follow the boy as he comes off of the contraption, letting it fall away as he sprints into the house, and suddenly, a sharp, loud bang fires off... something is wrong.
The sound is incredibly loud, the force of it I can feel even from here, but no birds stir, no rodents scurry, and I follow the boy, and something... feels wrong about what I am seeing, what I am hearing, like something screams already, but is muffled, and I can smell the blood already. The boy proceeds up the stairs, still sprinting with his tithe in hand, and the door to his father's chambers open... and the scent does not change, the whole scene is frozen in that moment, no birds chirping. Something is wrong, this still image. Something.... this scene is not real, and I feel the press of minds, Val calling out for me to halt, but I will not have things hidden from me, and I step forward, and I feel it tear, the whole world ripping apart around me. The scene is changed. The sound... it was not made outside the house, the boy did not enter after. He entered as his father took his own life, and I felt the minds shift, and the words of Keith's song pierce the vision:
You can't kill me if I'm already dead Buried alive by the things that they've said I killed myself, but no one knows
I felt a hand, but not in the shelter, the yurt that we occupied. Azoccu. I watched as he stepped into the room with a screaming child crying out for his father to wake up, and Azoccu knelt beside him, "Oh, child, no one should have seen this. This is not your fault."
He laid his hand on him, and the scene faded. Amongst the others, I could feel the Trils. They were gaining power from this somehow, but there was no time to think. Scenes whipped by, the boy at the funeral, comforting his grandparents, and something was wrong, but not the scene. The adults. They gave empty platitudes, and they spoke about him when they thought he could not hear:
"How do you even get over seeing something like that? He's so young..."
"What happens to him now?"
"First his mom, then his dad? Kid's gonna end up in a rubber room."
The boy's grandparents were broken down, inconsolable in seeing the body of their child, and then I felt Dukaetha enter, hopping along to sit next to the boy. Why is she the only one? Where are his friends? His family? Why is no one showing him how to grieve? Why is he the one comforting?
The scene shifted, and the rabbitfolk faded, and I watched as he stood off by himself, watching his father being lowered into the ground in a brown box, until another grandfather stepped up to him, this one hardier, with thick hair over his lip, calloused hand laying on the boy's shoulder, and knelt down, "Hey there, bit. Tell you what, me and Gramma had us a talk about it, and we'd like you to come live with us. How's that suit you?"
The boy trembled, bitter tears coming out, "Pop-Pop... I... I want dad back."
I watched the boy break, but... this is wrong. I felt a similar feeling from Hoda. Where were the other family? Why was his tribe not coming together for him? Two ceremonies for a corpse, and none of them to take him as ward except for an old man and woman? Where were the tribe's children? Even their shaman seemed more concerned over the dead one. Hoda stepped forward, praying over the boy as was her place as shaman.
The scene fell away, and more scenes came past. The boy grew, his 'Pop-Pop' teaching him to hunt, to farm, to ride, but I felt my anger building. His tribe pulled away from him, pulled back. They said the right words, expressed sorrow at the loss, but they all held back from him, like they might somehow catch his grief like a disease. It kept going, increasing as his grandparents died, one after the other, and steadily I watched as members of our new tribe stepped forward to be with him in those moments.
The rage welled up within me, growing by the moment. Again, and again.... I bellowed out, breaking the connection, and shoved aside those in my way as I stalked from the building, hearing the words of Keith from his stage:
As these judging eyes surround me And silence tearing me apart Only seeing to the surface They refuse to see my heart
I stalked across to one of the empty shelters, taking shelter from the storm raging around, and I screamed. I paced, and I felt the insane rage within my chest. I needed to fight, I needed to let this out, before it could stain my spirit. I ripped the hatchet from my belt, and put everything into hacking into one of the logs that were used for seating. I swung again and again, putting every bit of my anger into the act when I heard the door bang open. Val. She stepped inside, "Are you okay, Trayg?"
I threw the hatchet into what was left of the log, "Fuck your entire species!"
She stepped back as I stepped forward, shocked, "Look, I get it-"
"THEY ABANDONED HIM!"
She shook her head in that negative way the humans used, "No, they-"
I slammed a fist into a pillar, "Don't lie to me! I saw it with my own eyes! His whole tribe left him to rot save for one old man and woman who were too old to be caring for a young boy. Where were his friends?! Where was his shaman to heal his spirit? Where was anyone for him?!"
Val teared up, and stayed mute, "My world may be savages, but we never would have left a child like that."
I pushed past, exiting the shelter to go back, "And I won't abandon him now."
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Here is one for you all and its a long one. 44M here, been with my significant other for ~20 years, married for 11 years. At this point I don't feel like we are going to make it much longer. I don't think she wants to be with me anymore but needs me for financial support so she is trying to string me along.
Background:
I want to say right off that I know I am not perfect, have never pretended to be nor have I overlooked my shortcomings and have done everything I can to address and deal with my issues.At first things were good. We did things together, went out, hung out with friends together, bowled leagues together, had a lot of fun. We also had a good, sex life. We were having cuddling times, regular sex, great foreplay, she was pretty open to positions and trying things.
When we first got together she was working miscellaneous retail jobs. She had a 4 year college degree at this point as well but never even tried to find a job utilizing it. I was fine with her working whatever made her happy. I work in IT/Tech. I have always been the higher earner, making almost double her salary up until a couple years ago. I never once said anything about this, never gave her crap for making less or the job she worked. I only encouraged her to find a job she enjoyed. I went years, never saying anything that might hurt her, even when I was working 50-60+ hours of work in a tough field at a job I hated while she worked maybe 20-30 hours a week in a super easy job of her choosing. After about 10 years of us being together she finally decided to go back to school for computer science. To support her doing this we lived in a couple places and worked jobs I absolutely hated to make sure she could finish school without any pressure. Again, I never said anything to her about this, I did it so she could be happy. She ended up finishing and getting an extremely good paying tech job after a few years, around the time that I noticed the biggest changes about her. Prior to her latest job and changes, we were OK for a few years. We starting doing well together as we were both earning well and have no kids.
Start of problems:
After we were married for a few years she started changing. She stopped wanting to do things together, we went out less and less. Stopped watching shows and movies together, stopped gaming together. She started treating sex like a burden, made me feel bad for even trying to initiate it. She became more of a prude, stopped wanting to do almost anything sexual, stopped wanting cuddling/petting, lost almost all interest in foreplay that wasn't directly for her, she lost all interest in any type of intimacy, cuddling, foreplay, or really anything that isn't about her getting off.
I feel that I have been extremely patient over the years about all of this. She has some back issues (self inflicted, she was having soreness and pain but continued a workout regimen that was obviously not right and causing issues. I have tried to be understanding and accommodating since she had these issues. Sex was never really a big issue, even with the back problems we had a decent sex life until the last 5 or so years. She started wanting to do less and it really felt like she was just trying to get it over with (outside of when I was pleasuring her and getting her off. Once that was done it was like hurry up and finish.
More recently, last couple of years she has had 0 interest in sex or even anything physical. I mean I can barely kiss her, cant touch her at all without some excuse that it tickles or some other BS. No cuddling as she says I always pressure for sex, BS, I love foreplay and am happy with mutual getting off. I have mentioned the lack of intimacy, mentioning that is had been months since we did anything and it is always some excuse or a suggestion it may happen this weekend (going on 20+ " this weekend" without anything) . She has almost every excuse in the book as to why she doesn't want to without really having a good reason. She will blame her back bugging her but will then do a lot of work that is physically punishing, especially to someone with back issues and despite the fact that I said I would do it or try to help. I have also gotten several different things to help, wedge pillow to help with her back, tried it once and had some random complaint that I forget. She had mentioned trying a swing so she could have support in different positions. I found several options and she then made excuses about all of them, the primary one being support for the swing. I eventually called her on this being BS when the new house we got had a chain mount in one of the bedrooms ( looked like it was possibly for a heavy punching bag) that would be perfect for a swing and I tested it holding my full weight. I again mentioned getting a swing to make things better to only get additional excuses.
Further Issues:
We had always talked about wanting to move back to California and get a house there when we had the chance. We had also talked about houses we would like and things like that. When we started seriously talking about getting a house, she said she would check with work ahead of time about being able to move to another state as we had discussed, she did not. I don't think she even talked to her boss about it. She just refused to move outside of this state as she said her job required her to be her even though her boss lives in a completely different country.
When the time actually came to find and buy a house it did not work out the way I guess I had expected. Eventually, we purchased a house here after several fights as she decided she wanted a cheaper house to fix up. Not even considering the amount of work and money it would take to do so. One of her "options" was a run down ranch house that had a surprise renter (9 months left on a lease) in a very obviously water damaged basement. She picked out this house so she continued to try to justify buying it for about 100k over what it should be sold for. After about a week of looking at shitty houses and fighting she finally agreed to look at one of the houses I had chosen, the house we eventually purchased. It was a bit more but had almost all of our wants without the need to fix it up.
For the purchase, she provided the down payment from her inheritance and jointly financed the house. Once the purchase was finished and we moved in she changed, a lot. Things became more about what she wanted, she would mention things to me but completely ignore any input and just talk like what she wanted is what I chose too. Her dad then decided to visit and this was the largest wake up call I think I have had. I saw him doing all of the things that she does that annoy and frustrate me. I then realized that if I stay with her, dealing with this is my future. He took over the house and she treated me like an asshole for just wanting a bit of space that I could have to myself. She refused to deal with him or reign in his behavior. I think it was around this time that I realized that it felt like I didn't even have a home even though we just bought one, that I was just a wallet to help pay bills.
We ended up having a fight about this and I ended up leaving and staying at a hotel for a few days. This is where it got really eye opening as I considered this fight as something we would think about and get over. However, the first thing she did was talk to her friend and then reach out to divorce lawyers. She mentioned that she was talking to them about post nuptials to make sure she got the house and money. This was a signal to me, that she did not consider nor seem to appreciate all of the years that I spent working jobs I hated to supplement our income and cover for her while she went back to school. All it seemed she saw was that she got money now so the house and all of it was hers. She made a comment about how she felt the money, stocks, and house were hers. She added that she wanted a post nuptial to define this so I shouldn't be surprised if I get one to sign. Unsurprisingly, she never actually got this done, never mentioned it more so I am assuming she just got lazy and never followed up. One thing that stood out to me was that she mentioned that she could not afford the house by herself. She rambled off several things about us just being roommates and me continuing to pay for the house and bills. She came up with something about me paying and her giving me money back later or something, I ignored most of it as it was dumb, I.E. me leaving my checks going into our shared account and continuing to pay like I have been but doing so knowing she plans on keeping the house and that I might get some money later if she ever sold it. She also made a comment that I did a good job with the stocks so I should keep doing that for her and she would give me like a 1k in a few years. Since I started working with the portfolio and diversified the stocks I have made over 40k in gains for it so yeah I ignored this as I felt like it was insulting. This whole fight and conversation hit me hard, especially after 15+ years of me working hard, shitty jobs, to provide for us just to get slapped in the face by greed.
We ended up talking a bit after that fight after I ended up stopping by the house. She had mentioned previously about going to marriage counseling. I told her I didn't think it would help with our situation considering what the issues were but if she was willing to go and actually participate, I would be too. We ended up seeing a marriage counselor as she had suggested it previously and I wanted to try everything to make this work. I had previously mentioned that I didn't think it would work as she refuses to open up or discuss her issues with anyone and if she wont do that, it is a moot point. She said she would so we found a counselor and we went for a couple of months. During this time I was very open about my thoughts and feelings and gave the counselor details on my issues. She however, did not provide anything ahead of time, participate much, would not open up, and eventually said that we might as well not go as she didn't feel like we were gaining anything.
Turning Point:
I think the f*ck it point, straw that broke the camels back for me is that about a month ago, around 10 months or so since we had any kind of intimacy we had a fight. During the fight she admitted that she actually masturbates fairly regularly which really, really pissed me off as she knows the lack of sex and any kinds of intimacy was a big issue for me and was causing a lot of frustration. I was quiet about it as what I would have said would have started a big fight. I am now struggling because I cant really get over the fact that she shows me no interest, wont let me touch her, we haven't had sex in months and she admits to masturbating instead of having sex with me when she knows I am extremely sexually frustrated. To me, this shows her lack of caring about me and shows that she only really cares about herself and what she wants. This is furthered by conversations with her family I have overheard because she talks super loud on the phone and I guess she didn't realize I could hear her in the other room. This last conversation was essentially her talking about the money again and additional money she may get when her dad passes. She made the comment to them that in hindsight she would have made me sign a prenup as all of the money she has gotten and will get belongs to their family and she wants to keep it in their family. This was another moment when I was like what the hell, I am not your family?
I am torn, I have been with her for a long time, I do care for her, but she shows no interest in being with me. No interest in a relationship, doesn't want to do things together (she even said that if I want her do more things with me I have to do things she wants to do first), nothing for how I feel, what I want, no cuddling, no touching, nothing. It came down to the fact that she essentially wants a roommate that pays for her to have the house, help with chores, and helps take care of the dogs without expecting anything in return. She does not seem to get how she is, care how I feel, what I want, or really care about anything that does not benefit her.
I am at my breaking point, I have tried for years to give her everything and now as thanks, I get nothing from her. I am getting to old to keep wasting time in a loveless, sexless relationship but am also having a hard time walking away from a relationship I have been in for so long. After writing this out I am also realizing, well more wondering, what the f*ck I am doing as it seems pretty obvious I am bailing water out of a sinking boat.

Just to preface this, i've genuinely never dated before. She's my first girlfriend ever, at 26.
I buy her things or pay both our ways whenever we go out. Like when i take her to a movie, i usually cover it all myself. I bought her dinner and paid her shoe rental when we went bowling. Plus i bought her flowers. It's just what i've always assumed a guy does for his date. (Am i wrong for thinking that? i genuinely don't know. I'm new to this and only know what i've seen in movies/tv)
She always does appreciate it, like she seems genuinely moved by it. She'll get emotional, hug me and tell me i either don't need to do it or offers to pay me back. There's also been a couple times where she bought something for herself or me on dates so i'm not covering it 100% (Like after i covered the meal and our shoe rental, she bought her own drink just for example).
Currently, she's between jobs. We were talking on the phone and she was talking about her favorite desserts and in that same conversation, she mentioned how she's struggling financially. She's relying on her savings and her parents help her, but they're trying to get her more independent. I told her if she needed anything to tell me, but she said she's afraid to ask people for things and only takes help that's offered. So i offered to buy her some groceries. At first, i offered to buy her this ice cream she mentioned that she loved, then i asked later if she needed anything else while i was out. Which she accepted, she give me a list of a few things and it was a little pricey (The bill was a little over80 dollars).
I take it to her house and her dad sees the bags and really seems unhappy about the amount of food. Like he wasn't rude or aggressive to me, but there was this tension in the air. Like he wants me gone.
And later, my gf calls me and says her dad fussed at her. He made her feel bad because she got that stuff for free and didn't pay me back anything. I made it clear i did it cause i really like her and i know she's been struggling to get a job.I wanted to help her.
She told me that he doesn't want her to be taking advantage of me and that i was spoiling her. She told me "She eats well"
And now, 3 days later, she hasn't really talked to me since then (we talked almost every day prior) so i think i might've messed up. Either by buying the groceries for her or by just generally buying her gifts and things
She makes it seem like he thought i was spoiling her or that she was taking advantage of me and that's why he fussed at her. She also said it might be because she didn't have permission to have me over or didn't tell them first. I don't know.
Her dad was nice to me, but he seemed like he was trying to kind of...get me out of their house. He told me "You don't wanna keep your ride waiting" and how she "Has a job interview this afternoon". But we shook hands and he asked me about my job.

I had a friend (20) and ever since na hire kami, magkasama na kami all through out sa training and production. Di kami naghiwalay talaga but naging SME siya and I stayed being an agent kasi gusto ko mag wfh.
Before siya naging SME, naging agent din siya like me and nag iba kami ng team, kasama namin yung bf niya ngayon which is 31 years old na single dad. At first akala ko he is sweet to everyone kaya kuya tawag ko sa kanya and I respect him so much lalo nat single dad siya and may diskarte siya sa buhay. I found out he's been checking out with my friend and parang nanligaw and all, akala ko di papatulan ng friend ko kasi alam ko may kausap siya sa bumble for a few months na ka age niya but nalaman ko na sila na pala.
Noon ang lalaki pa lumalapit sa kanya every break and lunch but nung naging sila na and naging SME siya halos sa station na siya ng lalaki tumatambay every free time. Ako at yung guy ang most punctual kapag pumupunta sa work and nag chi-chika kami and all kasi siya lang ang guy sa team namin noon.
I found out his true colors, there was this time na he was taking calls and put cm on hold so I told him jokingly (non verbatim) "kuya tapusin mo na yan, ikaw ha prolonging the call" and he replied "laplapin mo muna ako" i was dumbfounded after hearing it and nung nag take na siya ng break lumabas siya para mag cr and before ka makapasok sa office may sanitizer kami sa labas so nag pump siya nun and pinakita niya kamay niya sakin showing the sanitizer and saying "tignan mo yung cum ko" I was really disgusted by his actions eh wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya to let him act like that.
I also found out that he's been checking out some of our newbies like everytime may lalakad he will say "makikilala ko rin yan" knowing he has a gf sa office and proud siya magsabi ng ganyan. There was this time I was talking to him about one of the trainer kung on and off ba sila ng bf niya kasi puro sad posts tas nag reply siya "kung ako lang sana yung pinili niya hindi ko siya sasaktan" and I said "bat mo nasasabi yan ngayon eh may gf ka na" he said "I mean noon kasi, kung ako sana pinili niya"
Besides harrasing me and checking out some other girls may random times din may tinatanong siya like "bino blow job mo ba bf mo" "kapagod talaga magkantutan" idk bat nasasabi niya yan eh di ako nag bibigay ng topics sa conversation namin ng ganyan. I told my friend about everything and timing on bereavement leave ang guy so sabi niya kakausapin niya daw after and she does not like cheaters daw.
I found out the guy bought her a CLN bag and they're still together after everything that I told her. I am so disappointed kasi I thought nakikita na niya redflag ng bf niya pero wala eh nagpadala siya sa mga luxurious stuff na binibigay ng lalaki. So everytime pumupunta siya sa bay namin, I just pretended to like her and talk to her like a "friend" but deep inside she's nothing to me already.
ABYG?

AITB for buying my girlfriend groceries?
Just to preface this, i've genuinely never dated before. She's my first girlfriend ever, at 26.
I usually do buy her things or pay both our ways whenever we go out. Like when i take her to a movie, i usually cover it all myself. I bought her dinner and paid her shoe rental when we went bowling. Plus i've bought her gifts, like the groceries and i bought her flowers. It's just what i've always assumed a guy does for his date. (Am i wrong for thinking that, i genuinely don't know. I'm new to this and only know what i've seen in movies/tv)
She always does appreciate it, like she seems genuinely moved by it. She'll get emotional, hug me and tell me i either don't need to do it or offers to pay me back. There's also been a couple times where she bought something for herself or me on dates so i'm not covering it 100% (Like after i covered the meal and our shoe rental, she bought her own drink just for example).
Currently, she's between jobs. We were talking on the phone and she was talking about her favorite desserts and in that same conversation, she mentioned how she's struggling financially. She's relying on her savings and her parents help her, but they're trying to get her more independent. I told her if she needed anything to tell me, but she said she's afraid to ask people for things and only takes help that's offered. So i offered to buy her some groceries. At first, i offered to buy her this ice cream she mentioned that she loved, then i asked later if she needed anything else while i was out. Which she accepted, she give me a list of a few things and it was a little pricey (The bill was a little over80 dollars).
I take it to her house and her dad sees the bags and really seems unhappy about the amount of food. Like he wasn't rude or aggressive to me, but there was this tension in the air. Like he wants me gone.
And later, my gf calls me and says her dad fussed at her. He made her feel bad because she got that stuff for free and didn't pay me back anything. I made it clear i did it cause i really like her and i know she's been struggling to get a job.I wanted to help her.
She told me that he doesn't want her to be taking advantage of me and that i was spoiling her. She told me "She eats well"
And now, 3 days later, she hasn't really talked to me since then (we talked almost every day prior) so i think i might've messed up. Either by buying the groceries for her or by just generally buying her gifts and things (IE: i bought her some flowers, the food, i usually pay whatever food bills when we eat out)
I don't know what the issue is. She makes it seem like he thought i was spoiling her or that she was taking advantage of me and that's why he fussed at her. Or maybe he was offended by me giving her the food instead of him as the dad (Her family is a little traditional christian type). She also said it might be because she didn't have permission to have me over or didn't tell them first. I don't know.
Her dad was nice to me, but he seemed like he was trying to kind of...get me out of their house. He told me "You don't wanna keep your ride waiting" and how she "Has a job interview this afternoon". But we shook hands and he asked me about my job.
But yeah, i mean...it got her fussed at and she hasn't really been engaged in talking to me since. So i think i might've gone too far.

I was about to post this on the medical subreddit, but people their start moral policing and hating before providing solution.
Im 23F from UP
Grew up progressive in conservative household (parents are racist, homophobic, ultra-castist and bigots) with the pressure of performing better in academics so that my parents could tell others that even though I wasnt a man, I was still be able to succeed in life. Deep within everyone was hoping that my mom would birth at least one son. She didnt.
Im 23 now, and I have had ........lets say a very wierd life. Parents never loved each other and mother developed depression, anxiety and heart issues when I was growing up. She resents her life very much. Neither parents was there emotionally and me and my sister arent allowed to be emotional and vulnerable with anyone. Not even ourselves. Crying is a BIG NO in my house.
As the first kid to my parents, I grew up as a test subject, the experinmental kid. parents used to beat me a lot until i turned 19. Most of it was because they couldnt hit each other and needed a punching bag. Mom did apologise later in life but it didnt mend my heart. We live together but we hardly ever talk.
My parents also spoiled me a lot, but I never demanded a single thing from them. Mainly because I was not good in studies so I was repremanded that I would not be passed the generational wealth my dad had collected, because I wasnt a smart 'studious' sincere kid with good grades. So I never demanded or asked for anything from them. Just nodded at whatever decision was made by them for me because I felt guilty asking for things that I could never return with my academic performance.
Ours is a very disfunctional family with both parents being Voldemort and Harry Potter. They are in mid-50s and still argue a LOT. Mother is on heavy neuro medication all the time because through the year severe abuse by her in-laws and dad has left her soulless and hollow. She has passed all that trauma on me by saying things to me NO MOTHER EVER should even say to her daughter.
Im not a very studious person but I do read a LOT. I am an avid reader and I think i would off myself if i wouldnt read at least once a day. Reading and cinema is EVERYTHING to me.
THE PROBLEM: I gave NEET 3rd time this year. Score is around 250-350. Parents are pressurising that I have to either get a low fees+good college through NEET score, or I have to get into the UPSC race, if i choose neither of them , then they will start looking for potential grooms to get rid of me. I know i am a burden to them because they have spent a lot of money on my education. And beti for them is 'paraya dhan' after all. We live in Tier-1 city but they think that people will look at them wierd if adult daughter is at home just sitting and doing a casual graduation/post garduation degree. MBBS/BAMS from govt and MBBS from private is unaffordable. BAMS from private is the only option. One of my friends is doing BAMS and his college fees is 1-2 lakh per year. Even though even 1 lakh a year is too much for us, maybe if i beg they will relent.
I dont believe in Ayurveda though. I think its pseudoscience and no one goes straight to Ayurveda doc if they have cough and cold.
I will be real with you i am only partially in healthcare for caring/helping. Im also in this for money. (to fund my sisters education as she is a closeted lesbian and fears that parents might disown her if they find out)
I have no idea what to do. I dont own a single penny to my name.
I dont want to do UPSC. I dont like Ayurveda, but thats the only possible solution now. I have lost the mental ability to take a drop another year.
Parents are absolutely not ready for me to choose ANY other field,as its their money , their child so they get to decide. They have a reputation to make in front of all the relatives who bashed them and look down on them (my parents) for having only daughters,
Please guide me,
Thank You

I was about to post this on the medical subreddit, but people their start moral policing and hating before providing solution.
Im 23F from UP
Grew up progressive in conservative household (parents are racist, homophobic, ultra-castist and bigots) with the pressure of performing better in academics so that my parents could tell others that even though I wasnt a man, I was still be able to succeed in life. Deep within everyone was hoping that my mom would birth at least one son. She didnt.
Im 23 now, and I have had ........lets say a very wierd life. Parents never loved each other and mother developed depression, anxiety and heart issues when I was growing up. She resents her life very much. Neither parents was there emotionally and me and my sister arent allowed to be emotional and vulnerable with anyone. Not even ourselves. Crying is a BIG NO in my house.
As the first kid to my parents, I grew up as a test subject, the experinmental kid. parents used to beat me a lot until i turned 19. Most of it was because they couldnt hit each other and needed a punching bag. Mom did apologise later in life but it didnt mend my heart. We live together but we hardly ever talk.
My parents also spoiled me a lot, but I never demanded a single thing from them. Mainly because I was not good in studies so I was repremanded that I would not be passed the generational wealth my dad had collected, because I wasnt a smart 'studious' sincere kid with good grades. So I never demanded or asked for anything from them. Just nodded at whatever decision was made by them for me because I felt guilty asking for things that I could never return with my academic performance.
Ours is a very disfunctional family with both parents being Voldemort and Harry Potter. They are in mid-50s and still argue a LOT. Mother is on heavy neuro medication all the time because through the year severe abuse by her in-laws and dad has left her soulless and hollow. She has passed all that trauma on me by saying things to me NO MOTHER EVER should even say to her daughter.
Im not a very studious person but I do read a LOT. I am an avid reader and I think i would off myself if i wouldnt read at least once a day. Reading and cinema is EVERYTHING to me.
THE PROBLEM: I gave NEET 3rd time this year. Score is around 250-350. Parents are pressurising that I have to either get a low fees+good college through NEET score, or I have to get into the UPSC race, if i choose neither of them , then they will start looking for potential grooms to get rid of me. I know i am a burden to them because they have spent a lot of money on my education. And beti for them is 'paraya dhan' after all. We live in Tier-1 city but they think that people will look at them wierd if adult daughter is at home just sitting and doing a casual graduation/post garduation degree. MBBS/BAMS from govt and MBBS from private is unaffordable. BAMS from private is the only option. One of my friends is doing BAMS and his college fees is 1-2 lakh per year. Even this much fees is 2 much for us, but i guess if i beg they will relent.
I dont believe in Ayurveda though. I think its pseudoscience and no one goes straight to Ayurveda doc if they have cough and cold.
I will be real with you i am only partially in healthcare for caring/helping. Im also in this for money. (to fund my sisters education as she is a closeted lesbian and fears that parents might disown her if they find out)
I have no idea what to do. I dont own a single penny to my name.
I dont want to do UPSC. I dont like Ayurveda, but thats the only possible solution now. I have lost the mental ability to take a drop another year.
Parents are absolutely not ready for me to choose ANY other field,as its their money , their child so they get to decide. They have a reputation to make in front of all the relatives who bashed them and look down on them (my parents) for having only daughters,
Please guide me,
Thank You

I was about to post this on the medical subreddit, but people their start moral policing and hating before providing solution.
Im 23F from UP
Grew up progressive in conservative household (parents are racist, homophobic, ultra-castist and bigots) with the pressure of performing better in academics so that my parents could tell others that even though I wasnt a man, I was still be able to succeed in life. Deep within everyone was hoping that my mom would birth at least one son. She didnt.
Im 23 now, and I have had ........lets say a very wierd life. Parents never loved each other and mother developed depression, anxiety and heart issues when I was growing up. She resents her life very much. Neither parents was there emotionally and me and my sister arent allowed to be emotional and vulnerable with anyone. Not even ourselves. Crying is a BIG NO in my house.
As the first kid to my parents, I grew up as a test subject, the experinmental kid. parents used to beat me a lot until i turned 19. Most of it was because they couldnt hit each other and needed a punching bag. Mom did apologise later in life but it didnt mend my heart. We live together but we hardly ever talk.
My parents also spoiled me a lot, but I never demanded a single thing from them. Mainly because I was not good in studies so I was repremanded that I would not be passed the generational wealth my dad had collected, because I wasnt a smart 'studious' sincere kid with good grades. So I never demanded or asked for anything from them. Just nodded at whatever decision was made by them for me because I felt guilty asking for things that I could never return with my academic performance.
Ours is a very disfunctional family with both parents being Voldemort and Harry Potter. They are in mid-50s and still argue a LOT. Mother is on heavy neuro medication all the time because through the year severe abuse by her in-laws and dad has left her soulless and hollow. She has passed all that trauma on me by saying things to me NO MOTHER EVER should even say to her daughter.
Im not a very studious person but I do read a LOT. I am an avid reader and I think i would off myself if i wouldnt read at least once a day. Reading and cinema is EVERYTHING to me.
THE PROBLEM: I gave NEET 3rd time this year. Score is around 250-350. Parents are pressurising that I have to either get a low fees+good college through NEET score, or I have to get into the UPSC race, if i choose neither of them , then they will start looking for potential grooms to get rid of me. I know i am a burden to them because they have spent a lot of money on my education. And beti for them is 'paraya dhan' after all. We live in Tier-1 city but they think that people will look at them wierd if adult daughter is at home just sitting and doing a casual graduation/post garduation degree. MBBS/BAMS from govt and MBBS from private is unaffordable. BAMS from private is the only option. One of my friends is doing BAMS and his college fees is 1-2 lakh per year. Even though even 1 lakh a year is too much for us, maybe if i beg they will relent.
I dont believe in Ayurveda though. I think its pseudoscience and no one goes straight to Ayurveda doc if they have cough and cold.
I will be real with you i am only partially in healthcare for caring/helping. Im also in this for money. (to fund my sisters education as she is a closeted lesbian and fears that parents might disown her if they find out)
I have no idea what to do. I dont own a single penny to my name.
I dont want to do UPSC. I dont like Ayurveda, but thats the only possible solution now. I have lost the mental ability to take a drop another year.
Parents are absolutely not ready for me to choose ANY other field,as its their money , their child so they get to decide. They have a reputation to make in front of all the relatives who bashed them and look down on them (my parents) for having only daughters,
Please guide me,
Thank You

Rain continued to pour outside Hakurei Shrine, drenching everything from the narrow stone slab walkway, creating miniscule rivulets along the cracks, to the komainu statues standing side-by-side on opposite ends of the torii gate, glistening from all the raindrops, with tiny streams coming from their eyes.
Inside, Marisa and Rin continued to lie around, boredom lingering in the air and nothing to entertain themselves save for a select few belongings and things to fidget with. Marisa finished the book she read and switched to tuning her mini-hakkero to ensure it worked at maximum proficiency. Rin on the other hand stopped playing her erhu and bided her time messing with the cherry ornaments on the sides of her head.
Silence remained, the only sound was the pattering drops of rain on the sturdy roof above. Neither one of the two blondes spoke, let alone look at the other. After what felt like hours Rin broke the peace with a question, one that’s been on her mind for sometime.
“Hey, Marisa?”
“What?” Marisa looked up and turned her head over to Rin with a curious face.
“I’ve been wondering, but why do you live in the Forest of Magic?” Rin asked. The question itself, though innocent, took Marisa by surprise.
“What do you mean?” Marisa replied with some intriguement.
“I mean, from what I know that place is considered dangerous by most of the village because of youkai and poisonous plants that grow there, yet you live there by yourself, why?”
“Why not?” Marisa said in a more careless tone. “The forest has plenty of space to practice my magic. And being home to most of the materials I need to craft potions and perform spells it’s obvious why I live there. Sure, my place is a bit of a mess, and the occasional hallucinogenic fog can be troublesome, but once you overlook that it’s a great place to be.”
Rin was concerned when Marisa said ‘hallucinogenic fog’, but it wasn’t enough to distract her from her follow-up question, “But isn’t it lonely living by yourself?”
“A little. But I have Alice who lives close by, and even Kourin who I occasionally visit whenever I need something. And I always got this place here with Reimu.”
“But what about your family, don’t you miss them?”
Marisa's expression swiftly transitioned from a casual smirk to a grimace of distress as she halted her fiddling with the intricate mini-hakkero. Her gaze remained fixed on Rin for a prolonged moment, the weight of unspoken thoughts evident in her eyes. Finally, breaking the silence, she uttered in a strained voice, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Rin, perplexed by her sudden reticence, probed gently, "How come?"
“I just don’t, that’s all.” Marisa said with the intent on cutting the conversation short, but Rin wasn’t done asking.
“But they surely miss you, don't they? Don’t you have a mom or dad who’d want to see you? What about siblings, or other relatives? I mean, your last name is-”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Marisa snapped at Rin, causing the white-red dressed girl to jump back a little from surprise. She didn’t expect Marisa to yell at her.
“U-Um…Sorry.” Rin said. “I didn’t realize the topic would be sensitive.” She looked down, now feeling melancholic. Marisa began feeling regretful seeing Rin’s expression.
“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry for yelling.” Marisa said. “I just don't like to talk about my family. It’s personal.”
“I see.” Rin said. “Again, I’m sorry.”
Another moment of silence; the rain outside acting as ambience. Marisa went back to fiddle with her device, yet couldn’t help but think about how Rin was feeling. She glanced over at her, noticing her lost in thought. With a hint of guilt she placed her item down and turned her attention back to Rin.
“Hey, you still wanna talk?” Marisa asked.
Rin looked over at Marisa, “Um, no it’s fine. Really.”
“No, I insist. You look like the topic’s been in your mind for a while now. I’m okay talking about it as long it doesn’t involve my family.”
Rin’s eyes traced the corners of a wall before she took a deep breath.
“It’s just…I miss my father. I miss having him around, helping him with work, laughing at the stupid puns he makes about flowers. One such pun he made was when he said he originally wanted to name me ‘Hana’ because I always make people bloom with joy when I appear. Haha…God that was a very stupid joke.”
“Oh, you must’ve been very close to your father.” Marisa said with a downtone in her voice.
“We were. My mom died when I was very small, I can’t remember anything about her; it was always just me and my dad. But, now he’s gone, along with everyone who supposedly doesn't remember me. From all the people my dad helped to the few friends I had. They all just forgot, all the memories of me gone from their lives as though my role didn’t matter to the overall public. I just wish I could know why, why everyone forgot, why I was removed from their history.”
“...I can relate.”
Rin looked at Marisa, a bit surprised by what she said.
“You can?”
“Yeah. I used to have a mother too.” Marisa said, making Rin’s eyes widen while she continued, “She was a strange person. She always went on and on about trying to rule over humanity, talking over the world, plunging everything into chaos and anarchy.”
“Huh?” Rin now was a bit confused, but Marisa only continued to explain.
“But despite all of that, she took care of me. When she wasn’t busy striving for world domination or bothering Reimu at her shrine, she made sure I was okay. She made me food and taught me how to cook, she cleaned my house and taught me how to clean (though I don’t do a good job at that), and of course she taught me everything she knew about the magical arts and its many spells. She was the one who inspired me to pursue magic, to always push myself to be the best I could be, better than any other magician to have ever existed. If it wasn’t for her, I’d probably still be a whiny child who ran away from home instead of who I am today.”
“What?” Rin was more confused.
“I still think of her sometimes. I think about the last time I saw her during Vampire Incident. I still wish things didn’t turn out the way they did, maybe then we could still be together. She would be proud of where I am now.”
Marisa’s eyes began to water. She wiped them away and looked at Rin again.
“Sorry for going on a bit there. I never really had a chance to talk to anyone about Mima-sama like that for a while. Except with Alice.”
“Wait, wait…Who’s Mima? I thought you were talking about your mother.” Rin said.
“Oh…Well, it’s a bit complicated, you see-”
As Marisa was about to explain, the doors to the shrine barged open, bringing in a soaking wet Reimu holding someone in her arms. Marisa and Rin turned their heads over to her in visible confusion and concern.
“Reimu? Why are you wet? And…” Rin asked, looking at the person Reimu held in her arms, noticing the immense wound on her body. “Wait, isn’t that the girl from a few nights ago? What happened to her?” She asked with worry.
“Please, you have to help! I think she’s dying!” Reimu said with a crying voice.
Without a second of hesitation, Rin rushed to grab a first aid kit while Reimu placed the wounded Suika on the floor. She didn’t care if blood were to get on the mats, that didn’t matter at the moment. Marisa came over, taking her hat off and began pulling things out. In her hat contained small vials filled with colorful liquids, a bag of herbs, an assortment of mushrooms, and a mortar and pestle. She carefully selected what ingredients she needed after a quick analysis of the injury Suika received, then got to work.
“What are you doing?” Reimu asked.
“I’m making a medicine that should help heal the wound.” Marisa said.
“Mi…nako.” Suika raised a hand over at Reimu again. Reimu looked at her with continuous worry. Rin soon returned with the first aid kit and got down to Suika’s side. She pulled out the gauze and focused on wrapping the smaller injuries first before focusing on the big one. Marisa finished mixing the ingredients together into a greenish paste. She brought it over to the large wound on her chest and began spreading it over softly. Suika winced, inhaling sharply while her hands clenched tightly. Reimu placed a hand on one of her hands, speaking to her in a soft yet hurried tone.
“It’ll be okay. Just hang on, alright?”
Suika looked at Reimu, her eyes already beginning to drift off as her breathing slowed. She spoke Minako’s name again, a name with deep meaning to her and Reimu. Then, her eyes shut, and her mind went blank.

Context: So there are these two siblings (a brother and sister) that I've know for about 4 years now. (I like them both) Our families are literally best friends, their mom and my mom are best friends, my dad and their dad are friends, and me and my younger sister are friends with the two siblings. We go up north for vacation and to visit them every summer because they own a B&B. (The brother is about 3 months older than me and his sister is about a year and a half older than me.)
Story: So last year around the end of August we go up there and the first thing that happened was I got out of the car and immediately the brother and sister came out and hugged me and my sister as usual, I said hi to the boy (for who the purpose of the story we'll call N) and we started talking a bit, while his sister (who we'll call L) talked to my sister. So N helped my and my parents bring our bags to the cottage (where we were staying) then after we brought all the bags in N kinda dissapered and L went to work. So naturally cause I was bored I went into the house to find N. He was in his room reading as usual. So I went in and just talked to him for a few minutes and he suggested him and I go into the forest, (Because they own a bit of a forest with a trail and me and him both enjoy the trail). after a while me and him got to the forest and began talking about what we'd been up to since we'd seen eachother last, what books we were reading (me and him are huge book nerds lol). After a while we came around the loop that took us to their neighbors property so we turned back around and walked back out of the forest (the long way. A few hours later L came back from work and so immediately me, her and my sister got into our bathing suits and went to the pond they own. We were talking and L and my sister immediately started talking about the fact that I was alone with N for literally 3 hours. So I told them the truth on what happened, (us talking about books.) So a few days go by and we've been having bonfires every night at this point (cause i always manage to convince their mom to let us). At this point me, L, and N had been planning to camp out on their trampoline like we did the first year we came. (Which we only lasted a few hours because my sister and i were afriad of the cyotes) My sister backed out of the trampoline camp out because she was afraid again. So it was just me, N, and L. Around 10 pm, me, L and N met infront of their house and walked iff the the trampoline (which we set up with blankets and pillows earlier that day) and we got on, N on one side, L on the other, and then me stuck in the middle of them. After a while L complained that she wasn't getting anysleep and that she was going back to the house, so she left and it was me and N. So after a few minutes of silence I start talking about constellations and greek mythology (because I knew both me and him found it interesting) so after a few hours of talking we were really close (kinds cliché lol) then L popped up and jump scared us and i had to try my best not to scream. I was genuinly terrified, then i asked the obvious "How fucking long were you there?!" She said, "Oh yeah, the entire time." I gave her the 'You're so dead' look bc i was annoyed asf. She then got back into her spot next to me. Then she suggested we play truth or dare. I was stupid not to realize what she was doing, and after a few turns it came back to me and i chose dare I thought it was harmless enough, (it wasn't of) and she dared me to kiss N. Immediately as you can expect, I said "Hell no, I'm not kissing him.". (We didnt kiss lol) And now about a year after that incident, I'm going back again in August and I feel like it might be awkward because since last summer I've been questioning if I liked N romantically or just as a person, because I've come to realize that I actually might like his sister. As you can imagine its an incredibly awkward situation for me, and I don't want to tell them because I'm scared they'd tell both our parents and my sister. (I'm only scared because neither families support lgbtq) so if my family finds out I'm fucked.... Advice?

Hello, I have a fair share of dealing with an emotionally immature parent. My mum and I have not been able to see eye to eye for years. The older I get the more I voice my opinion/concerns/feelings and that always somehow backfires. She always thinks she is the victim. For context, my parents are south asian and its cultural for non married daughters to live with them until marriage. I own my house and my parents help with some bills, but for the most part I pay the mortgage. My mom is a very strong minded person who will forever win any disagreement. Most of the time it ends up with her not speaking to me or my siblings (live separately) for weeks. She stopped talking to me for 3 months when I was 15.
Today we got into an argument and it started out with me trying to get her to understand why I was hurt about something she said to me. She blew it out of proportion then lied to my dad saying I said something I did not. I let her say whatever she wanted to avoid more conflict but at one point I lost it. I told her she was lying and she shouldnt be, to which she said "YOU ARE CALLING ME A LIAR". Well, yes, you are a liar for making things up. She literally started throwing her hands on me. Hitting me any way she could. She was so heated up I tried to push her from me and more arms which made me even more angry. This ended with her pulling away and commencing to cry. And shocked because her daughter called her a "liar". My dad asked her why she resorted to hitting and her response was that he chose my side and she was done with him too. Honestly, I couldn't stay home for a minute longer, I packed a bag and I am currently in a hotel room. Neither of them called me after. I know I should have been more patient and I should have know better than to tell her my feelings, but I always think this time she will hear me out. But it never does happen that way. I always end up being more hurt in the end. She hasn't laid her hands on me for the longest time but today was different. She lost it. She hit her 33 year old daughter.
And yes, I do plan to move out at some point, that is in the works, for now, I have to figure out a coping mechanism. I am doing therapy but some days like today I feel so defeated.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Ok-Resident2120. She posted in AITAH.
Thanks to u/Literally_Taken for the rec!

Do not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Also, this sub has a 7 day waiting period, ergo, the latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warnings: abuse; threatening a child
Mood Spoiler: distressing
Original Post: May 5, 2024
Okay, throwaway account
So, recently I(27F) had a beautiful baby girl with my husband(29M). She's my pride and joy, I love her more than I love myself. But, taking care of her has taken its toll on me. My husband promised the work would be 50/50 when we agreed we wanted children, but I don't feel that's being reflected by his actions this past month. It's gotten to the point where I can't even ask him to wash her up without him saying something along the lines of, "My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit. I'll help you out later." And I get it. His paternity leave is only 6 weeks while mine is 16 weeks, but my nether regions hurt like a bitch for a better part of two weeks after the birth and all he could do for me was occasionally burp her.
Now, my baby girl has gotten to a phase where she doesn't want to sleep. She'll sleep for an hour, but then she's up and back to crying and I have to get up and try to soothe her. It's been happening for a week now and I've gotten so little sleep that I'm nodding off while eating or doing tge laundry and stuff. Saturday was the month anniversary of my daughter's birth, so I decided to gather both sides of the family to meet her. (They hadn't met her prior because a)I wanted to rest as much as I could and b)I heard somewhere that you shouldn't be taking babies out and about when they're fresh out the womb cause they're more prone to illness then).
So, we had this gathering at my mother's house and all was well. Everyone was cooing over our baby, there was food, people were catching up or neeting for the 1st time. It was nice. But, I had gotten about 3 hours(generous estimate) of sleep in total the past week and I was starting to feel the effects of it. I was feeling lightheaded and clammy, but I didn't wanna make a scene so I tried to go to a bedroom to lie down. I didn't take 10 steps before my vision completely blacked out. I wasn't down for long, but I had fallen over which drew some attention. I explained to everyone who was concerned that I was fine and that I was just not getting enough sleep and I could see my husband visibly frown at that. They gave me some of the dessert my aunt made to get my sugar up and the party continued. I felt embarrassed about the whole thing, especially since everyone was still looking over me til we left, but it's whatever
What bothered me is my husband's reaction. When we got home, he started going off on me about how I "made him look bad" and like "he wasn't taking care of me". I was confused on how tf me passing out made HIM look bad, but he refused to explain himself and had a pity party for himself in the kitchen. I was still feeling bad, so I decided to leave him alone and just to go sleep, but he seems to have taken that as a sign that I don't care about his feelings. He's in my ear this morning about how I just ignored him to go sleep last night and how I didn't even put the baby to sleep before leaving. Is he right? AITAH here?
Update: So I've tried talking with him, but he's been ignoring me and the baby the last three hours. I'd usually wait longer, but I'm just too tired to deal with this right now. You guys were right, I do need help with this, and he's made it very clear he's not ready to help me yet, so I'm just going to go to my mom's place. I'm currently packing. I'm so done.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: The whole point of paternity leave is for him to help out, not relax! He makes you work extra hard on taking care of the baby. Then, when you pass out, he sees himself as a victim who looks bad in front of his family? Your fainting is proof that he's NOT pulling his weight!
If you trust his parents, show them this post and get their backup in giving him the wake-up call he deserves.

OOP: His parents are genuinely nice people, so that may work. I'm starting to worry about my health at this point and he's refusing to listen to me.

Commenter: Also, and this is big- baby may have colic or a milk allergy. Neither are uncommon and her waking like this and the frequent crying are not the norm. You need to call your pediatrician asap. Also, if you're breastfeeding you may find you need to supplement. Sometimes we don't have enough. How often does she need diaper changes?

OOP: Thank you for the advice. I thought she was just being fussy. Someone else said that I should switch to bottlefeeding because it's easier to suckle, so I'll try that while I try and get an appointment. Absolutely insane how random Internet strangers have helped me more with my baby than my husband has. Thank you!!

Commenter: Please divorce this guy. He will continue making life harder for you. I raised my child alone, and I was stunned at how much easier it was once I got rid of the selfish man-baby who had been draining every last bit of my energy.
Plus you don't want your daughter growing up internalizing that treatment as what she should expect as a woman.
NTA. Obviously. Your narcissistic POS spouse needs to take that proverbial long walk off a short pier.

OOP: (written before the update on her post); I don't think divorce is the answer. With a new baby and all, I don't need the added mental, emotional, and financial stress divorce would bring. But I see where you're coming from. I'll see if he'd like to go to couples therapy with me or something. Maybe that would help.

Commenter: OP reading your post......has your husband always been this selfish and entitled?
HE wants to relax while on paternity leave after you gave birth to your beautiful baby girl?
HE looked bad when you almost fainted from lack of sleep? Did he even check on you to make sure you are ok? Have you told your family about this? you need rest and support during this time.

OOP: I don't remember too well. He was there when my vision came back, but when I was thinking clearer, it was just my mom and his mom by my side with the dessert.
And I do feel its unfair that I have to do most of the work, especially when he told me that he'd be helping me out. He promised this would be a team effort, yetI'm doing everything by myself. That's why I was so shocked that he was upset at me for passing out. The man I married would've been tending to me and taking me to bed, not yelling at me for something out of my control. It's like he just switched personalities as soon as our baby was born. He went from loving and supportive to this. I don't understand what happened.

Update Post 1: May 6, 2024 (Next Day)
Hi all, your comments were really helpful, so thank you!
Yesterday, before I could Uber to my mom's house, my sister offered to help me, so I'm staying with her instead. She's taking PTA to help me out with my girl, which I'm very grateful for. She also gave me sleep medicine that knocked me out for hours (I'm not sure if that was a good idea or not, but I slept long and well so I don't care.)
I woke up a few hours ago to tons, and I mean TONS, of messages from my husband. Like, the little app icon had 99+ on it. Here are some of the things he said(copy pasted):
You cant just up and fucking leve with my baby
Come back now pls let's talk abt it
Your actually so fuvking immature wth is wrong with you we have one argument and you fucking pretend like I've been beating you why the hell did you leave???? We can work this out like adults yet your choosing to be difficult like a little bitch
Pls just come back we will talk and sort this out and we can go back to being happy so come back
I miss my baby girl you can't just take her away
What if I call the police for kidnapping??? Would that teach you wat your doing is wrong???
I would screenshot, but it says this community doesnt allow attachments, so i can't. And I know it's a bit weird to tell yall what he's been texting me, but I'm mad right now and this feels therapeutic lol. I already sent the screenshots to his mom though!
As for my baby, I have an appointment to a paediatrician for Wednesday, but for now she's on formula since my breast milk quality isn't the best for understandable reasons. My sister said she wasn't as fussy as I described, so I really think the problem is with my milk. That or my sister wanted to make me feel better for sleeping, who knows. I'll wait for the doctor's opinion.
I'm not feeling 100% but I feel a whole lot more better than before. Thank you to everyone who showed concern! I think this will be the last update since I wanna not think too much about my husband rn.
Update Post 2: May 10, 2024
For all of you who wanted to know what his mother's reaction was, she yelled at him and he made that my problem. The things he's messaged me are vile. And even though MIL was mad at him and KNOWS what he's been saying to me, she still insisted that I go visit him face to face so we can work things out.
I don't really blame her. He's her son, of course she'd still want to help him, but still....With all the ways he's been threatening me and cussing me out, I really didnt want to see him, but I decided to go. Mostly because I needed the stuff that I left at our house.
I went with my sister for safety, obviously. We got there and he played with our baby, he offered to feed her (she wasn't hungry), just acting completely different from the man texting me about how much of a "heartless bitch" I am. I didn't really feel comfortable having him near me or the baby with how violent his texts were, but she's still his baby. I don't think the courts would favour him after I show his texts, but I thought I should rather be safe and allow him some form of contact before going to court. This was a mistake.
At the end of the visit, I decided I should go pack my stuff, since that was one of the only reason I agreed to come. But, I didn't feel comfortable not being there while he had my baby. Yeah, my sister was there and I trust her, but I'd rather watch her with my own eyes. So, my sister went upstairs to pack for me. As soon as she was gone, he started talking about "See? I'm good now I can take care of her." And other stuff but that wasn't the problem. Even if he became super dad, I wouldn't be able to see him the same. Not after all those messages he sent me.
I told him that and he got pissed at me. I was getting worried since my daughter was still in his arms, so I tried to deescalate his feelings. It didn't work and he started yelling at me for "being heartless" and "stubborn" and whatnot. I wasn't really focused on what he was saying, I was focused on my baby. I tried to reach out for her and he shoved me hard enough to fall back. My sister came down and tried to help, but he shoved her away too and ran to the guest room and locked himself and MY BABY in there. He refused to come out unless my sister left and i stayed behind. I can't tell y'all how scary it is to not know what's happening to your child.
It took officers almost 30 minutes to get him out, which pissed me off. Like I know they were probably trying to assess the danger or whatever but I just wanted my baby. In that 30 minute window he could've shaken her or threw her out the window or something and they were there asking him to come out like he was a child and not breaking down the door. She was fine, though, so I can't be too mad.
They didn't arrest him since "no harm was done" even though my sister and I have bruises to prove otherwise, but they held him outside while I packed my stuff. It actually bothers me that they didn't at least detain him, but there's not much I can do about it now. I don't think I'm going to go near him again. Not with my baby. I'm thinking of going to apply for that emergency custody thing yall were talking about.
This happened on Wednesday and I'm still shaken. It's really depressing, for a lack of better word, seeing how much he's changed. I really loved him and I felt he loved me too. How he's acting is crushing me. I feel deflated. My baby girl and my sister are really the only things keeping me going right now.
I'm sorry for the wall of text, it's just that texting this all out helps me feel better. But, I don't think I want to continue updating. Just know that we're splitting up. Thank you all for your support!!
Extra: after visiting the doctor, I've decided to just skip the hassle and formula feed. She seems happier with formula anyways.

I often have the “so what do you want to do” chat, with med students, particularly final years who have placements at the practice im at. They’re a mixed bag. Some have seemingly been gunning for something since they were in diapers, some are just finding their groove, some aren’t sure. Two questions for everyone:
1) Some of the students I get only decide to pursue a competitive SET specialty closer to the end of medical school (esp final year) or right after. They often ask if it’s too late to start. Especially when some of their peers have been grinding since day 1. What would you say? Is it too late, when does it become too late? As a GP reg I have no idea what it’s like these days and don’t really know what to say
2) For all of you consultants, reg’s and even junior doctors out there, what’s one piece of advice that you’d give senior med students/upcoming interns? Particularly something you may wish you had been told all those years ago.

A common claim in HP fandom is that Harry doesn’t appreciate Hermione enough. A weirder assertion I sometimes see is that Ron compliments or appreciates Hermione more than Harry.
Admittedly, Hermione does a lot for Harry throughout the books, and he doesn’t always express his thoughts directly to her. Nevertheless, there are many passages where Harry directly compliments Hermione (often using words of very high praise), as well as quite a few where he expresses his admiration of her to other people.
This essay will explore those complimentary passages from the books. I won’t include simple expressions of gratitude (though those exist too between Harry and Hermione), nor will I recount here the many passages where Harry merely thinks highly of Hermione or appreciates her without saying anything aloud. Frankly, that would make this essay much too long, and I want to focus on real compliments and praise.
After we’ve explored how Harry compliments Hermione along with her reactions, we’ll take a look at how Ron tends to praise Hermione, as well as the different way she reacts to both boys. Not surprisingly to most readers here, we’ll see that Harry is the boy Hermione truly loves praise from. Unfortunately in Ron’s case, his compliments almost never land well (if they land at all).
I’m going to keep the commentary shorter here on many passages, as this is primarily intended to be a list to demonstrate just how much Harry appreciates Hermione and thinks highly of her. Nevertheless, we’ll see a number of patterns emerge as we go through.

Harry’s direct compliments

Let’s begin with one of the most well-known interactions in the early books between Harry and Hermione (PS16):

Hermione’s lip trembled and she suddenly dashed at Harry and threw her arms around him.
‘Hermione!’
‘Harry – you’re a great wizard, you know.’
‘I’m not as good as you,’ said Harry, very embarrassed, as she let go of him.
‘Me!’ said Hermione. ‘Books! And cleverness! There are more important things – friendship and bravery and – oh Harry – be careful!’

There’s not much new to say about this passage—Harry is about to go on alone, putting himself in great danger. Hermione’s lip trembles in emotion, and she embraces Harry for the first time in the books, praising him as a “great wizard.” And yet, Harry claims he’s simply not as good as Hermione.
Still, the two of them go back and forth about it in a cute way, as Hermione then says “Me!” and proceeds to implicitly compliment Harry’s friendship and bravery further.
I mention this latter detail of the back-and-forth because it gets mirrored four years later, except this time with Harry being the one to say, “Me?” See OotP15:

‘Harry, you’re the best in the year at Defence Against the Dark Arts,’ said Hermione.
‘Me?’ said Harry, now grinning more broadly than ever. ‘No I’m not, you’ve beaten me in every test –’
‘Actually, I haven’t,’ said Hermione coolly. ‘You beat me in our third year – the only year we both sat the test and had a teacher who actually knew the subject. But I’m not talking about test results, Harry. Think what you’ve done!’

We know of Harry’s prowess at DADA. Can anyone forget the insanely powerful Patronus Harry conjured at the end of PoA, which Hermione noted was “very, very advanced magic”? It’s again cute that they get into a disagreement, both modestly trying to one-up the praise of the other here while claiming they themselves aren’t the best.
But I already skipped over another moment a few chapters earlier in OotP9:

[Ron] dashed from the room, leaving Harry and Hermione alone.
For some reason, Harry found he did not want to look at Hermione. He turned to his bed, picked up the pile of clean robes Mrs Weasley had laid on it and crossed the room to his trunk.
‘Harry?’ said Hermione tentatively.
‘Well done, Hermione,’ said Harry, so heartily it did not sound like his voice at all, and, still not looking at her, ‘brilliant. Prefect. Great.’
‘Thanks,’ said Hermione. ‘Erm – Harry – could I borrow Hedwig so I can tell Mum and Dad? They’ll be really pleased – I mean prefect is something they can understand.’

The circumstances are complicated here, because Harry’s feeling really conflicted about not getting a prefect’s badge. He doesn’t want to look at Hermione, because I think he feels like she’d be disappointed in him, as she was so enthusiastic about the idea of being prefect with him a few minutes before. I analyzed this whole section in greater depth in another essay, so I won’t get into all of that here.
For the present, let’s just note that Harry is feeling very emotional and is about to launch himself into one of the longest internal monologues in the books, feeling quite down about himself. Yet he still finds the strength to tell Hermione how “brilliant” he thinks she is. Even if he’s hurting and can’t even look at her, he wants her to know he’s proud of her.
This isn’t the only place where Harry spontaneously feels the need to give Hermione compliments even under less-than-ideal circumstances. He seems to place great importance in ensuring that Hermione knows how highly he thinks of her. We particularly see this later in the series. In HBP25, Hermione basically accuses Harry of being mildly sexist because he refuses to take her theory seriously that the “Prince” (the former owner of the potions book) might have been a woman:

‘Listen, Hermione, I can tell it’s not a girl. I can just tell.’
‘The truth is that you don’t think a girl would have been clever enough,’ said Hermione angrily.
‘How can I have hung round with you for five years and not think girls are clever?’ said Harry, stung by this.

Harry’s “stung” that Hermione would think of him as sexist, but he’s specifically disappointed because he knows how brilliant and clever Hermione is. He thinks she’s amazing and incredible and the best in his year at school. I wonder if this passage leads Harry to reflect a bit on how he may not always voice his opinion to Hermione enough, as there’s a marked change in DH, where Harry more frequently tells Hermione directly how highly he thinks of her.
For example, in DH9, in the scene after the trio was attacked by Dolohov and Rowle, Harry calls her “brilliant” for casting a memory charm:

She took a deep, calming breath, then pointed her wand at Dolohov’s forehead and said, ‘Obliviate.’
At once, Dolohov’s eyes became unfocused and dreamy.
‘Brilliant!’ said Harry, clapping her on the back. ‘Take care of the other one and the waitress while Ron and I clear up.’

Later, after Harry and Hermione escape Nagini’s attack at Bathilda Bagshot’s house, Harry calls her “incredible” (DH18):

‘You’re still really angry at me, aren’t you?’ said Hermione; he looked up to see fresh tears leaking out of her eyes, and knew that his anger must have shown in his face.
‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘No, Hermione, I know it was an accident. You were trying to get us out of there alive, and you were incredible. I’d be dead if you hadn’t been there to help me.’
He tried to return her watery smile, then turned his attention to the book.

As in the OotP passage where Harry is feeling depressed about the prefect’s badge, here Harry isn’t really ready to talk. His wand is broken, he was injured by Nagini, and he spent the night having visions of Voldemort killing his parents. It’s not at all an exaggeration to say this is probably the most dire part of Harry’s journey in the books. And yet he still values Hermione enough not only to agree to talk when he’s not ready, but also to immediately forgive her and call her “incredible” for her quick thinking the previous night.
Moreover, we can see how much this means to Hermione at that moment, as she smiles in gratitude at Harry, in contrast to her tear-streaked face.
Later in DH, after Hermione was tortured at Malfoy Manor, we again see Harry expressing his understanding and gratitude for Hermione when he first talks to her (DH24):

Harry had walked up several steps before stopping and looking back.
‘I need you two, as well!’ he called to Ron and Hermione, who had been skulking, half-concealed, in the doorway of the sitting room.
They both moved into the light, looking oddly relieved.
‘How are you?’ Harry asked Hermione. ‘You were amazing – coming up with that story when she was hurting you like that –’
Hermione gave a weak smile as Ron gave her a one-armed squeeze.

Harry calls her “amazing,” and once again Hermione smiles in reply. I should also pause here to note that these superlatives aren’t common for Harry. In fact, they’re unique to Hermione. Harry doesn’t call anyone else “amazing” or “incredible” anywhere in the books.
And these are far from the only times Hermione’s quick thinking saves the day. A few months earlier, she once again apparated Harry (and Ron too) away in mid-air to escape Luna’s father’s house, coming up with a detailed plan in a matter of seconds to hide Ron while exposing Harry during the escape (for strategic reasons). Harry then agrees Hermione is a genius and tells her doesn’t know what they’d do without her (DH22):

‘You’re a genius,’ Ron repeated, looking awed.
‘Yeah, you are, Hermione,’ agreed Harry fervently, ‘I don’t know what we’d do without you.’
She beamed, but became solemn at once.

I’d note another detail here. Ron does compliment Hermione too in this passage, calling her a “genius” multiple times. Yet it’s only once Harry finally tells her how much she means to him that Hermione “beams” in reply. (In a previous essay, I examined how frequently Hermione “beams” at Harry, much more than anyone else.)
This is a pattern we see repeatedly in the books, where Ron’s praise is ignored in favor of Harry’s. Perhaps the clearest example is in HBP9:

[Slughorn:] ‘Oho! “One of my best friends is Muggle-born and she’s the best in our year!” I’m assuming this is the very friend of whom you spoke, Harry?’
‘Yes, sir,’ said Harry.
‘Well, well, take twenty well-earned points for Gryffindor, Miss Granger,’ said Slughorn genially.
Malfoy looked rather as he had done the time Hermione had punched him in the face. Hermione turned to Harry with a radiant expression and whispered, ‘Did you really tell him I’m the best in the year? Oh, Harry!’
‘Well, what’s so impressive about that?’ whispered Ron, who for some reason looked annoyed. ‘You are the best in the year – I’d’ve told him so if he’d asked me!’
Hermione smiled but made a ‘shush’ing gesture, so that they could hear what Slughorn was saying. Ron looked slightly disgruntled.

Harry had already praised Hermione to Slughorn privately (a fact we’ll come back to), but hearing this praise from Harry causes Hermione to turn toward Harry with a “radiant expression,” overwhelmed with joy at the idea that Harry thought of her as the “best in the year.” (The word choice of “radiant” here is rather special for JKR, as I’ve noted in a previous essay.)
Meanwhile, poor Ron is off to the side, looking “slightly disgruntled” when Hermione shushes him in class for a similar remark.

Ron’s compliments to Hermione

Unfortunately for Ron, Hermione’s reaction in the Slughorn scene is typical. We’ve seen Hermione repeatedly smiling and looking radiant at Harry’s compliments, as well as reacting by praising him in return. Ron, on the other hand, is almost exclusively met with tepid if not outright negative reactions from Hermione even when he says nice things about her.
I drew on a list of Ron compliments created by Ron/Hermione shippers here, but the original list only gave Ron’s lines, without Hermione’s reactions, which I’ve restored below. (The reason for the omission of Hermione’s responses will soon become clear.)
Ron first shows genuine admiration for Hermione back in PoA15 when she slaps Draco and then storms out of Divination. However, the first time Ron actually tries to express this appreciation verbally probably happens in OotP12:

[Hermione:] ‘About You-Know-Who. He said his “gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust –”’
‘How do you remember stuff like that?’ asked Ron, looking at her in admiration.
‘I listen, Ron,’ said Hermione, with a touch of asperity.
‘So do I, but I still couldn’t tell you exactly what –’
‘The point,’ Hermione pressed on loudly, ‘is that this sort of thing is exactly what Dumbledore was talking about. You-Know-Who’s only been back two months and we’ve already started fighting among ourselves. And the Sorting Hat’s warning was the same: stand together, be united –’

Although this isn’t a direct compliment, we’re told that Ron is actually looking at Hermione “in admiration.” Unlike his more typical annoyance with her, he’s actually impressed here by her memory. And yet Hermione responds with “asperity,” harshly putting him down for not listening better. When Ron gets defensive and tries to react, Hermione “loudly” talks over him and essentially ignores Ron completely.
This is far from the only time Hermione will ignore Ron’s occasional kind words, because she clearly knows it’s unusual behavior. She tells us this directly (OotP14):

‘OK, write that down,’ Hermione said to Ron, pushing his essay and a sheet covered in her own writing back to Ron, ‘then add this conclusion I’ve written for you.’
‘Hermione, you are honestly the most wonderful person I’ve ever met,’ said Ron weakly, ‘and if I’m ever rude to you again –’
‘– I’ll know you’re back to normal,’ said Hermione.

Ron was trying to thank her for help with his homework, but Hermione recognizes this praise as obviously transactional. She has noticed he’s only nice to her when she does things for him, but otherwise his “normal” behavior toward her is a bit rude. (As a sidenote: we’ve already seen Harry repeatedly refer to Hermione as “brilliant.” Ron, in contrast, does call Hermione sort of “brilliant” twice, both times sarcastically referring to theories or ideas he thinks are ridiculous. See CoS13, DH25.)
Ron’s attempts at recognizing Hermione’s achievements also look very different from Harry’s. In HBP5, when Hermione is worrying about her O.W.L. exam performance, Ron does acknowledge Hermione’s academic performance a couple times, in passages that Ron/Hermione fans will point to as evidence of his supposed admiration.
Yet they don’t come off as compliments. They are aggressive and exasperated and almost making fun of Hermione at the end. And look how Hermione reacts:

‘Hermione, will you shut up, you’re not the only one who’s nervous!’ barked Ron. ‘And when you’ve got your ten “Outstanding” O.W.L.s ...’
‘Don’t, don’t, don’t!’ said Hermione, flapping her hands hysterically. ‘I know I’ve failed everything!’
[…]
‘I – not bad,’ said Hermione in a small voice.
‘Oh, come off it,’ said Ron, striding over to her and whipping her results out of her hand. ‘Yep – nine “Outstandings” and one “Exceeds Expectations” in Defence Against the Dark Arts.’ He looked down at her, half-amused, half-exasperated. ‘You’re actually disappointed, aren’t you?’
Hermione shook her head, but Harry laughed.

So yes, Ron acknowledges her achievements here, but he does so in the process of telling her to “shut up,” barking at her, and then becoming “exasperated” at her personal goals. I think we can all take a step back and acknowledge that Hermione is a fairly extreme perfectionist, and her level of anxiety at potentially “failing everything” comes across as weird and a bit irrational. Still, rather than helping her “calm down” (as many Ron/Hermione fans would say Ron does), Ron exacerbates Hermione’s level of disquiet, causing her to become “hysterical” and then later embarrassed, reacting in a “small voice.”
Harry would have just clapped her on the back and called her “brilliant” or something, to which she’d probably smile in reply. Harry doesn’t share Hermione’s level of academic dedication, but he still appreciates it, rather than trying to shame Hermione for being an overachiever. Yet Ron manages to make her uncomfortable in several different ways in this scene, even as he recognizes how well she would do.
And we’ve only started on the types of negative reactions Hermione has to Ron’s attempts at recognizing her achievements. In HBP21 after apparition practice in Hogsmeade, Ron cuts in to call her performance “perfect”:

‘Good one,’ said Harry. ‘How’d you do, Hermione?’
‘Oh, she was perfect, obviously,’ said Ron, before Hermione could answer. ‘Perfect deliberation, divination and desperation, or whatever the hell it is – we all went for a quick drink in the Three Broomsticks after and you should’ve heard Twycross going on about her – I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t pop the question soon –’
‘And what about you?’ asked Hermione, ignoring Ron.

Ron’s praise is undermined with the dismissive “whatever the hell it is,” once again making it clear that he doesn’t value Hermione’s attention to detail and high standards. Hermione’s response is, reasonably, then to simply ignore Ron.
Admittedly, Ron appears to realize some of his failings and makes an attempt in Deathly Hallows, reading the Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches book and trying to learn how to compliment a girl. It unfortunately doesn’t go quite smoothly for Ron at first (DH7):

Hermione made purple and gold streamers erupt from the end of her wand and drape themselves artistically over the trees and bushes.
‘Nice,’ said Ron, as with one final flourish of her wand, Hermione turned the leaves on the crab-apple tree to gold. ‘You’ve really got an eye for that sort of thing.’
‘Thank you, Ron!’ said Hermione, looking both pleased and a little confused. Harry turned away, smiling to himself. He had a funny notion that he would find a chapter on compliments when he found time to peruse his copy of Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches […].

Ron arguably is trying here, but as we know from OotP, Hermione knows Ron’s more typical reaction toward her is rudeness. Hence we see her a “little confused” yet still somewhat pleased.
This kind of dual reaction from Hermione is usually the best Ron can hope for. Unlike Hermione’s instant smiles and happiness from Harry’s compliments, she views Ron with suspicion. Hermione always appears to keep in mind that Ron’s pleasant reactions are atypical and thus not to be trusted. We see this again as Hermione enters before Bill and Fleur’s wedding, wearing a lovely dress (DH8):

‘[…] wow,’ [Ron] added, blinking rather rapidly as Hermione came hurrying towards them. ‘You look great!’
‘Always the tone of surprise,’ said Hermione, though she smiled.

Note the “though she smiled” qualification here, which is pointing out that Hermione’s reaction is not exactly positive and arguably unkind. Hermione is here making a reference to an earlier conversation after the Seven Potters. When Tonks mentioned how “great” Ron was stunning a Death Eater, Hermione reacted positively with “you did?” Hermione was sincerely proud of Ron at that moment, hugging him, and yet Ron reacted with the phrase “Always the tone of surprise,” rejecting her and breaking off from her embrace.
Admittedly, Ron was a bit right in that scene to acknowledge that Hermione almost never recognizes his achievements. Yet in the wedding scene, we see Hermione throw that verbal dig back at Ron, effectively taking what appears to be a more sincere compliment from Ron and undermining it. She’s telling him (and the reader) that he doesn’t generally find her attractive and wouldn’t typically say such a nice thing to her.
In effect, she’s somewhat begrudgingly smiling while taking a swipe at Ron’s more typical behavior.
There’s really only one time in all of the books that I have found where Hermione actually reacts positively (without qualification) to Ron’s praise. That occurs in DH9 after she reveals how she had packed so much in her beaded bag in preparation for the Horcrux hunt and emergencies:

‘I told you at The Burrow, I’ve had the essentials packed for days, you know, in case we needed to make a quick getaway. I packed your rucksack this morning, Harry, after you changed, and put it in here ... I just had a feeling …’
‘You’re amazing, you are,’ said Ron, handing her his bundled-up robes.
‘Thank you,’ said Hermione, managing a small smile as she pushed the robes into the bag. ‘Please, Harry, get that Cloak on!’

We see her here at least giving Ron a “small smile,” though she quickly turns to Harry, more concerned again about him. Still, it’s a legitimate positive reaction to a compliment from Ron. We shouldn’t have to pause and reflect on that so much, except for the fact that this is a rather unique occurrence. Every other time Ron says something nice about Hermione, she ignores it, gets annoyed, dismisses it, gets suspicious or confused, or has some other negative reaction like we saw.
And even this one pleasant moment between Ron and Hermione is immediately undermined a few pages later:

Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his wand from his pocket.
‘It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ hissed Hermione, and as she dragged the waitress out of sight of the windows Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his wand instead.

Yes, Ron was happy for a moment and praised Hermione for packing his stuff, but it turns out she did it wrong in Ron’s eyes. She packed the wrong jeans, and Hermione reacts very negatively, telling Ron to shove his wand up his arse. Hermione here must feel like Ron is conforming to the behavior she described back in OotP—he’s only nice until he turns back to his “normal” negative behavior toward her.

Harry complimenting Hermione to other people

We don’t really have space here to investigate the many other times Harry thinks highly of Hermione, is grateful for her, or appreciates some aspect of her in his internal thoughts. But it’s perhaps useful to end this exploration by noting how many other times Harry still manages to praise Hermione verbally, unprompted, to other people.
We can start with the scene that inspired Slughorn in the quotation discussed above, where Ron was disgruntled at Hermione’s ecstatic reaction to Harry’s compliment. See HBP4:

[Slughorn:] ‘Your mother was Muggle-born, of course. Couldn’t believe it when I found out. Thought she must have been pure-blood, she was so good.’
‘One of my best friends is Muggle-born,’ said Harry, ‘and she’s the best in our year.’

Note that there’s really no good reason for Harry to praise Hermione so specifically and highly here. Slughorn was discussing Lily, and Harry could have simply countered with the fact that he had talented Muggle-born friends too. Yet he singles out Hermione to compare to his mother’s talent and goes further—calling her the best student in his year.
Ron never has a comparable passage in the books. Many of his compliments or nice moments are very situational with Hermione, not spontaneous praise. This is probably one reason why Hermione also shushes Ron when he tries to echo Harry later with Slughorn: she knows if Harry said something, he meant it and wasn’t just trying to flatter her or be nice because of the situation.
The best Ron can manage on a couple occasions are vague acknowledgments to Harry about Hermione. Such as CoS14:

“What does she understand?” said Harry distractedly, still looking around, trying to tell where the voice had come from.
“Loads more than I do,” said Ron, shaking his head.

Not exactly a compliment, but this one makes lists of Ron’s compliments sometimes, just because it’s so rare for Ron to say something even this nice about Hermione. Even when Ron is clearly impressed by Hermione slapping Draco and then storming out of Trelawney’s class in PoA15, the most he can manage to say to Harry is:

‘Some day Hermione’s having, eh?’ Ron muttered to Harry, looking awed.

We’re told that Ron’s “looking awed” here, but he still can barely say anything directly praiseworthy about her.
Meanwhile, Harry simply cannot stop himself from saying how amazing Hermione is. As far back as CoS2:

‘Harry Potter asks if he can help Dobby ... Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew ...’
Harry, who was feeling distinctly hot in the face, said, ‘Whatever you’ve heard about my greatness is a load of rubbish. I’m not even top of my year at Hogwarts, that’s Hermione, she –’
But he stopped quickly, because thinking about Hermione was painful.

Remember when we saw that Hermione tried to compliment Harry and tell him he was a great wizard in PS or the best in DADA in OotP? Harry couldn’t help deferring to Hermione, trying to praise her as better. The same thing happens when Dobby speaks of Harry’s “greatness” here—and Harry immediately thinks of the greatest person he knows: Hermione Granger.
Harry can’t even let the Quidditch team think he was smart enough to come up with the Impervius Charm for his glasses (originally during the Quidditch match back in PoA9). When Angelina proposes using the spell again in OotP18, Harry simply has to give Hermione credit:

[Angelina:] ‘[…] Harry, didn’t you do something to your glasses to stop the rain fogging them up when we played Hufflepuff in that storm?’
‘Hermione did it,’ said Harry. He pulled out his wand, tapped his glasses and said, ‘Impervius!’

It’s not exactly a compliment, but it just shows yet again how much he wants everyone to know how amazing Hermione is.
This reflex Harry has to praise Hermione comes up in the strangest places, getting him into arguments with his love interests. When Cho brings up the jinx that resulted in Marietta’s outbreak of pimples, Harry can’t help contradicting her (OotP28):

‘That was a really horrible trick of Hermione Granger’s,’ said Cho fiercely. ‘She should have told us she’d jinxed that list –’
‘I think it was a brilliant idea,’ said Harry coldly. Cho flushed and her eyes grew brighter.
‘Oh yes, I forgot – of course, if it was darling Hermione’s idea –’

Cho is actually quite insightful about the role of Hermione in Harry’s life here. She earlier got jealous when Harry prioritized Hermione on Valentine’s Day, and now she gets annoyed at how “brilliant” Harry considered “darling Hermione’s idea.”
Just as in Quidditch with his glasses, Harry can’t help acknowledging Hermione’s brilliance, even with another girl he likes. He could have been a little more diplomatic with Cho in disagreeing with her, but instead his reflex is to defend Hermione.
Perhaps the most absurd moment of praise for Hermione randomly comes up as Harry’s breaking up with Ginny (HBP30):

‘I never really gave up on you,’ [Ginny] said. ‘Not really. I always hoped ... Hermione told me to get on with life, maybe go out with some other people, relax a bit around you, because I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember? And she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more – myself.’
‘Smart girl, that Hermione,’ said Harry, trying to smile.

Think about what’s going on in this moment. Ginny just admitted how strong her feelings for Harry are, that she “never really gave up” on him, from when she was a young girl. She’s effectively trying to inform him of her commitment, of his status as her first love. If Harry had deep feelings for Ginny, we might expect him at this point to recognize how long Ginny had cared, how much she had tried to learn to be “herself” around him, to get him to notice her.
And instead the first words from Harry’s lips are to acknowledge how smart Hermione is. He’s breaking up with his girlfriend… and praising another girl’s intelligence? I know Harry can be rather thick sometimes, but this is not the thing to do in the middle of a break-up. It’s no wonder Cho was so jealous of Hermione.

Conclusion

Once again, as in many of my other essays, I think we can see patterns emerging around Harry and Hermione’s unique relationship. We see them repeatedly praising each other spontaneously. And Harry can’t help but blurt out how brilliant Hermione is to other people, even in situations where it’s arguably inappropriate.
Ron’s efforts at compliments are nothing like that, unfortunately. We might even feel a bit bad for him when he does begin to make an effort in DH, as it’s clear Ron is never going to have the impact on Hermione that Harry’s compliments do.
I mentioned at the outset that there are many people who say Harry isn’t appreciative enough toward Hermione. It’s true that we don’t hear him say it aloud all the time, particularly in the early books. Yet it’s very clear even in the first book that Harry thinks Hermione is a better wizard than he is. And he doesn’t hesitate to tell her, or to announce it to Dobby in CoS.
As the series progresses, Harry’s outward appreciation increases, to the point where we see him calling her “amazing” and “incredible” and the “best in our year,” terms that he only ever says about Hermione. Perhaps even more importantly, we see that Hermione knows how special she is to Harry, how sincere his compliments are, as we see her repeatedly responding with emotional smiles and even a “radiant expression” to these words.
I didn’t even explore most of the passages where Hermione praises or compliments Harry in the books (and there are plenty more of those too), but we can see the strength of Harry and Hermione’s friendship and care for each other. They both strive to raise each other up, especially in stressful times when they need it the most.
I’d like to acknowledge members of the HMS Harmony Discord server for their support and suggestions. Specifically, thanks to Jiraffas for suggesting an essay on this topic. Thanks for Dragonfly for convincing me to include a section on Harry complimenting Hermione to other people and for reminding me of the Angelina moment in OotP. In general, I’m grateful for the discussion and commentary from the Harmony community.
If there are any moments you think I missed, please point them out in comments! I’d like this essay to be a resource for those who want to debunk fandom claims concerning Harry’s supposed lack of appreciation toward Hermione.

Well guess here's a good a place as any. I'm seriously considering MAID and have already filled out the form. I need a witness to co-sign for me but well, my parents certainly won't and I have no friends in town, and the ones I do have are very far away and wouldn't agree with my decision. I tried for a decade, the whole bit: medication, life style changes, an ESA, a solid psychologist, things did get better I'll admit but it's not enough. I'm still in the pit. And I just hit the decade milestone of this mental and physical hell. Just because I'm further from the bottom then I used to be doesn't really make a huge difference if I still can't fathom being out of it. I had three meltdowns this year already and have already self-harmed pretty badly. I'm very good at hitting the right places so that nobody can see any of the cuts, contusions or bruises. I refuse to be institutionalized, I'm only a danger to myself as I would never want to hurt anyone beyond the pain my death would logically cause some ppl and being drugged up in a facility would only solidify the prison my body already is. Once I'm dead though it's not like I'll have the capacity to feel guilt or know what others are going through, so knowing some people would be sad about my death is not a huge deterrent.I'm on the spectrum, late diagnosis but it certainly explains the severe bullying over my life and not understanding much of why so many people are complacent or apathetic of the world to the degree that change is rather improbable at any reasonable pace. I hate this place, there is good in the world but the time and effort it's going to take collectively to fix the myriad of issues on this planet, I just don't think it's going to happen in my lifetime.
Personally my life is average, I'm working poor and I know that I could be happy with a small place to live and my dog, but my dog will die in a few years (he's old) and having a decent place to live is not something attainable realistically with my disability and class. I can't wait on a miracle and my parents can't help as they are poor too, I live with them. My dad's a textbook narcissist and my mum is an equally mentally ill enabler who takes her frustration with her regrets on life out on me. She said if she knew I would be born with my conditions, she wouldn't have had children. My body always has problems, and it will only continue to degrade with age as I've been informed by my GP and psych. I have several chronic issues that flare with stress so I'm in near constant pain and can't eat much. I'm sick but not sick enough for doctors to actually help me when there's ppl with cancer or other more debilitating diseases to manage. They don't care about my quality of life as long as I'm sucking air, which is par for the course with my experiences with the medical community.
Why say all this? Well just wanted to give some background to understand my hopelessness, I'm not charming enough to get enough ppl together for collective change to actually improve my and the ppl around me's lives, my support system has been reduced to my psych (my dog and mum have decided they don't want my company anymore but well who can blame them, I'm so miserable!) and said psych has said the only solution to my mental health is to be kind to myself the last three sessions I’ve had with him. How can I be kind to this animal, this body I hate so much that I've been forced to take care of for so long. I can't maintain a level of health long enough to have a regular job or tolerate most conditions of 9-5's without severe mental and physical consequences due to the strain on my disabled ass. I'm skilled at art so I've been scraping by with freelancing on my own hours, tried so much to get regular contract or studio work but I've been rejected from over 367 jobs, starts to really feel like you're useless and unemployable after you get into the hundreds. Now freelancing has become impossible for me, I just,,I can't do it anymore. The one thing I still liked doing has lost its lustre and the pay is not worth the pain anymore. That combined with the crumbling of my support system and the work it's gonna take to rebuild anything, I'm just too tired.
So, anyone wanna co-sign a disabled chronically depressed flesh bag cursed with consciousness and give them a peaceful gov-assisted death? Perhaps advice? My parents are away this upcoming week and I'm extremely tempted to go freeze to death in the mountains. I'm close and it would be a peaceful death comparatively. Quick dunk in one of the lakes and then sleep under a copse of trees. Bonus if bear or other animals eat my body.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Secure-Sun-9689
I destroyed my ex boyfriends lego sets and gave him 1 week to move out after he threw away my teddy bear
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes
Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: destruction of property, emotional abuse and manipulation, gaslighting
MOOD SPOILER: OOP found and chose the bear
Original Post May 8, 2024
I Just need to vent
I 24F have been living with my 25M now ex boyfriend for about 8 months now. I have a teddy bear that my grandmother gave to me when I was younger. It has no monetary alum but the sentimental value is more important. When I was 8 she gave it to my while she was struggling with cancer. It was stage 4 and spread quickly and there was nothing they could do. She gave me a teddy bear and told me to take care of it and I could talk to the teddy bear whenever I missed her. She got one of those talking mics put in it and it would say “I hope you’re feeling loved today because I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the fish in the sea and you mean the world to me” she would say that all time when I would spend the night.
He knows how much it means to me. I told him. He’s seen me hugging the bear and sitting outside to talk to my grandma when I was sad or Just needed to vent without Judgement or even a response. 2 days ago he decided that it was “raggedy” and “not appealing to look at” I can admit, bear bear has been through it. I carried it around with me everywhere for 2 years. He would go in my book bag when I went to school, went to dance class with me, he even went out of town when I had cheer meets when I got into high school. My cousin pulled out one of his eyes when I was 10 and he’s missing an arm when my brother got mad at me and cut it off. It was sewn back on and then ripped off again. You get it. But he was mine.
I found a button that was exactly like his from some bear at a Good Will and was going to sew it in his eye. I went to my room (we have separate bedrooms, I can decorate my space how I want and have my work space and the same for him but we always sleep together, I Just never had my own room and have only been living alone for 2 years so I want to keep that for a while) I went in there to do it and he wasn’t on my bed. I went scouring for him for hours and he watched me. I started to cry because that was the last thing she gave me and she made special for me. He finally told me he threw it away because it was disgusting and he hated coming in my room and seeing it. I got so mad and I felt so betrayed.
He likes to spend time on legos and building them. He’s built the Eiffel Tower, the Harry Potter tower, a cherry blossom tree, and dozens of other. I went to his room and I destroyed them all. I threw the pieces around the room and out the window and in the garbage. He came in screaming at me and saying how dare I touch his things he bought with his money and he spent hours on it. I told him he can gtfo and spend hours rebuilding it some place else because I’m done with him. He started telling me I was overreacting and whatever else. I forget a lot of the argument because I was pissed. I told him he had 1 week to get his things out and move out but he wasn’t staying here while it happened. He started telling me that I couldn’t do that and he paid bills. I told him I really don’t give a shit and to get out or I’d call the police.
We have mutual friends and he’s told them a completely different story because 2 have texted me asking “how could I do that to him” and I really don’t care to clear it up. In the moment I didn’t feel bad but now I kind of do because that’s his hobby but I was so hurt and betrayed by what he did. He’s even called me a few times saying he’ll get me another and we can work on things and don’t throw away 3 years over a mistake but I am completely disgusted by him.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
myoldisnew

Unforgivable that he threw your bear out. Not being sarcastic. It shows he had no empathy or compassion at all. Be glad you see that now.
You broke his prize legos? Not your proudest moment, but an eye for an eye.

OOP

After I calmed down I did feel really bad. I did go pick out all the Lego pieces… I know it won’t make up for it and I’m not trying to really but I do feel like I could have been calmer in this situation

~
AHC444

Could you possibly track it down?? Does he know where he threw it

OOP

He said in the dumpster but I live in an apartment with dozens of other tenants… it’s been 2 days and garbage day is on Friday so I could go in there and look for it… but that’s 3 days worth of trash so

~
OOP adds why the bear is important and why she is super pissed at the EX

No… he threw away something he knew was important to me and was the only thing I had left of my grandmother because he didn’t like it.. watched me scour the house for it knowing he threw it away… then lied to mutual friends about what he did… that’s not someone I want to be in a relationship with.

OOP Updated May 9, 2024. Same Post
UPDATE: I want to say thank you to all the people who told me not to give up on finding my bear because I went out in that dumpster for 3 hours with my sister, my best friend, and even a neighbor came down to help when I told him what happened. And I fucking found it. I am so relieved and beyond happy. Also I love all the men calling me crazy and he dodged a bullet and I committed a crime and he should call the police/take me to court as if he didn’t go into my personal space and throw away MY property because he didn’t like MY PROPERTY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE. He’s lucky that’s all I did and I didn’t sue him for it. Men are telling me I committed a crime… as if he didn’t… that I’m crazy for destroying his things… but he isn’t… that I’m immature for being upset that he threw the last thing I have of my grandmother out… but he can buy replicas of the same Harry Potter LEGO set until the day he dies if he wants to but I’m the worst person to ever walk this planet. It’s insane.
Anyway, I found it, he’s air drying, I’m going to sew the button in over the weekend, my dad and brother will be here while he comes to get his stuff and that’s that. I’m free of someone who doesn’t respect my space or how I feel. Oh and I didn’t come here to ask if I was an AH. I don’t care if I was lol. Now that I found my bear I really don’t care and can’t wait to have my apartment to myself again. Oh one more thing I did tell our mutual friends what he did, I took a picture of all of us digging through the trash to find my bear, I took a picture of the bear and the state he was in after I found him and told them “thank you for taking his side and not even trying to figure out the full situation. He threw away my property so I took away his hobby” I also sent the texts of him begging me to take him back and admitted what he did. How he watched me cry for hours while I looked for it knowing he threw it out. He watched me be distressed and didn’t care. Those friends have texted me saying he said I cheated on him and when he didn’t take me back I went “crazy”
FINAL COMMENTS
chivasgoyo

I wish we could see the bear. I bet it's super cute. I like old things.

OOP

When he dries off I will DM you a picture. He really doesn’t even look bad so why he threw him out because he was “raggedy” is crazy. He’s not in the best condition… but he’s a cutie lol

~
doddballer

42 year old male.. I still have a teddy bear my mother gave me when I was a baby. If anyone threw it away, I might consider murder. You dodged the bullet.

OOP

Maybe if all the men see you saying it they’ll stop calling me crazy lmao. I don’t care if they do, it Just goes to show no one cared that he threw something away that was important to me but my reaction was too much. I could have done worse.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

He turned 3 and turned into a monster. I love him dearly but he has been a handful.
Here’s todays run down
He wakes up at 10am. He starts immediately throwing a phone at me wanting me to play train videos. He hits me and kicks me until I give in as I hold the baby she is 6 months old and strapped to me. I am defenseless and he knows it. He got into my make up and ran off with a piece once I got the chance to have my hands free and drew all over himself and the walls before I could catch him.
He throws fits all day for different YouTube videos if I don’t give in I get the hitting kicking biting and screaming. He throws things at me. He will even slap me in the face and try to hurt the baby. He once scratched her face when I thought he was going to try to touch her gently he was even smiling when he did it. He didn’t even seem in a bad mood. He is always trying to wake and hit the baby.
He took his diaper off tonight after the park and smeared poop all over my bed and his dad he ran into the room after following me to the kitchen quickly snuck it off stomped it into the floor and grabbed some and did this. He left a car in the smashed poop he had in his hand. He runs from me at nearly every diaper change and hides with poop all over him. It’s a nightmare.
He got mad again it is now 1130 he hasn’t napped at all he refuses. If we try to relax at all he dictates everything we watch. He threw toys at us screaming train wanting Thomas and train on our tv. We literally can’t sit still without him throwing fits wanting even the tv. He just threw a sandal at his dad. He is never ending energy and melt downs.
On the way home from the park I asked him to hold my hand on the walk home and he ran and ran as fast as he could up the sidewalk away from us. His dad had to chase him down. He then kicked and screamed once he picked him up.
He is breastfed with his sister. He gets a very healthy diet. He is just in a rough spot. 13+ hours of this is insanity. What melatonin dose has anyone used for an over tired behavior prone kiddo? He then wakes up after a few hours with night terrors and will hit and scream and freak out like he is possessed. He won’t sleep alone I’ve always had him with me he’s very close to me. In order to sleep we remove every light everything and sometimes not even this works and he will just jump on the bed or hit at us and freak out until we give in because he will otherwise wake the baby.
Don’t get me wrong he is a terror but has his nice moments where he hugs me and says he loves me. He cuddles with me between fits so long as he has his phone on train and car videos he will be chill usually. It’s my only savior I cannot take the phone for the sake of screen time limits it’s survival rn with the baby and this behavior of his. I’m alone most of the day with him.

I can only find this question asked from the opposite angle. I have two children, a 3.5 and a 1.5. They aren’t always perfect angels, but I adore them and love spending time with them. I work full time (from home, but need to be sequestered away for a number of hours each day) and my husband takes care of our kids.
I have a friend visiting and had planned a day out today in a town perfect for everyone’s needs. We were going to have coffee, take a long walk on a trail which leads to a gorgeous park where there is a cafe where my friend and I could work for a while, visit a bookshop, and get ice cream. I love coffee and bookstores, so my kids are totally used to going to these places. They get treats at coffee shops and play with quiet toys and just love the kids’ section of the bookstore where they know they are very likely going to obtain a new Clifford or Curious George book.
My friend insisted on going out just the two of us. I have made an effort to make sure we have spent time just us two (she is a total night owl so we’ve stayed up late, we went on a long walk with the kids in strollers and set to nap for a good couple hours, which they did), but she said that my kids are used to being with their dad during the day anyway. We were out literally the whole day.
My brother does this sort of thing too, and other friends also seem surprised when I plan to bring my kids with me to things. I didn’t have them so I could go places without them. I am very lucky that my husband is a truly equal parent; lately I feel like he does all the brunt work of parenting. I totally enjoy a little time where I am neither working nor with my children, but really, they are my family and I want to be with them. Am I the weird one for wanting to bring my children with me for visits, or are my friends weird for acting like my kids are a nuisance?
My kids have their rough days. Yesterday my three year old intentionally peed in his overnight diaper in the morning in an effort to get out of going to the potty (didn’t work—I still put him on that potty 🤣) and my one year old’s favorite game is getting to the dog food and dumping it in the dog water before I catch him. But they are usually pretty delightful. I would not say they are any more difficult than other children their ages.

Have you ever experienced something that shook you to your very core? Something that makes you remember every single little detail of your surroundings from that moment in time? Even years after? I can remember so vividly the moment I realized something was wrong with me. I was in my junior year of high school sitting in class, just like any other day. I remember the smell of erasers and cheap cologne that permeated off my classmate who sat next to me. I remember the scratchy tag on my t-shirt and how I was resisting taking it off in the middle of class just to cut it off. I remember what my teacher, Mrs. Brown, was talking about; 'the fall of Constantinople'. My mouth felt dry and I kept looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until I had lunch so I could get a soda. The sound of a pen clicking behind me was synchronized with the song that was stuck in my head.
All those things were going through my brain at once. My ADHD mind went a million miles per minute when it all came down to a cashing holt when I felt it at 11:23
I felt what I can only describe as a hand grabbing at the inner lining of my stomach. It didn't necessarily hurt, not at this point. That's not why I got so scared. You see, not only do I have ADHD. I also have OCD that manifests itself in the fear of anything growing or moving inside me. Even if I think about the concept of blood moving in my body or a heart that is beating in my chest, I have to think of something else. I've had full-blown panic attacks because of it. The closest term for this is 'Tokophobia'. That's technically the fear of pregnancy. I'm a guy, so it's not completely accurate but it's really the closest term. I mean, I also do have a huge fear of pregnancy. Not necessarily of me being pregnant, but even though I knew I could never get pregnant, the thought of it still made me feel sick
I bet you can imagine the terror that overcame me as I felt something moving in me. I made an audible groan and grabbed my stomach. My whole class turned to look at me. even my teacher stopped talking to ask if I was okay. I stood up and started to run to the nurses' office without even acknowledging my teacher. My first thought wasn't thinking that something was actually in my body. Even stomach aches and the feeling of gurgling in my stomach made me feel this way before. I didn't have anything on hand to help with a stomach ache, unfortunately. However, the nurse always did.
I sprinted across the school hoping and praying that my stomach wouldn't make that awful feeling again before I got there.
I turned the corner into the nurses' office with my tennis shoes squeaking in the process. I saw the school nurse, Mrs. Kennedy sitting on the couch in her office reading a magazine. She looked up at me with a sweet smile that quickly turned into worry.
"Sam, what is it? How can I help?" She said as she stood up and hurried over to me. Putting her hand over mine which was grabbing my stomach tightly.
"It's…It's my stomach. Something is wrong with it." I mumbled with a red face.
She shuffled her way over to her large medicine cabinet and she motioned for me to sit down.
She asked me questions about my stomach. Asking if it was pain, grumbling, cramps, nausea, etc. As she was asking me what my symptoms were and digging through bottles, The feeling happened again. However, this time was different. It felt like fingers grassing against the inside of my body. I screamed and wrapped my arms around my torso. Mrs. Kenneddy ran over to me to comfort me.
"This seems a lot worse than normal, maybe we should call your parents." She said as she put her hand on my back.
It felt like some days I saw Mrs. Kennedy more than my teachers. Any small ailment would distract me so badly from class that I had to go see her. Sometimes multiple times a day. She knew at this point when something was really wrong.
Within about 30 minutes both my parents were there with us. That may seem fast, but I'm an only child and my parents are very aware of my tendencies. They know I can spiral and like to be around if it happens.
They kept asking me where the pain was. I think they assumed by the way I wasn't responding to their questions the pain must've been really bad. The reality was that I just didn't know how to tell them what was going on.
I got so frustrated after they asked me over and over again that I just yelled at them.
"Something is inside me! Get it out, get it out, get it out!" I lifted my shirt and was ripping at my stomach. Leaving red nail scratches and cuts. My mom and dad ran to either side of me to grab my arms. Mrs. Kennedy had seen me go pretty crazy, but this was the worst I've ever gotten in front of her. My parents however had seen a similar situation before. Not exactly like this, but they didn't skip a beat on trying to help me.
"Sam. Breath, sweety. Just remember everything is in you for a reason. It's keeping you alive. Nothing is going to hurt you." My mom said softly to me. Trying to calm me down with the words my therapist gave her. "Ice cubes, get him ice cubes!" She said to Mrs. Kennedy as I started to hyperventilate.
Mrs. Kennedy grabbed a ziplock bag and started to fill it with ice cubes. My mom went over to her and grabbed an ice cube right out of the bag, opened up my hand, and put the ice cube in it. This worked in the past to distract me, I knew that's what she was doing, and trust me. I wanted it to work too, but this was different. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just a different feeling I hadn't felt before. That it wasn't possible something was physically inside my body. But I couldn't help it.
Everyone in the room could see that this was getting intense. I think they assumed it was just a mental breakdown and that nothing was physically wrong with my body but I didn't care. I just wanted help.
My parents got me into the car with my mom even sitting in the backseat with me. She kept trying to distract me with conversation but my mind was only on that awful feeling in my stomach.
We pulled up to the ER and my mom guided me in while holding both my wrists. It felt like she was walking me on a leash but I didn't fight it. I knew she was just trying to stop me from scratching my stomach.
We walked in and I spoke to the receptionist. All I said was that I had terrible pain in my stomach. I didn't want to sound too crazy. I just needed a doctor to look at whatever was going on.
After giving the receptionist my name and insurance information we went to sit down. I was sitting in between my parents and I could see my mom lean back to try and mouth something to my dad without me seeing. I didn't think much of it. I was way more worried about other things.
My dad then went up to the receptionist. He pointed over to me and she looked a little concerned. I saw her pick up the clipboard that had my information on it and she started writing something else on it. I asked my dad what he did and he just said to not worry and that he wanted to let her know it was urgent.
No more than 10 minutes went by and I felt a terrible moving sensation. I cringed and grabbed my stomach. Immediately followed by not just the feeling of a hand grabbing my insides but also scratching and pinching. I yelled out in pain as the other people in the waiting room looked at me mortified.
A doctor and a couple of nurses came running over to me and helped me up. But I couldn't stand up. I was in too much pain. They put me in a wheelchair and started to head for a room. However, they didn't take me through the normal big ER doors that went to the standard examination rooms, they took me and my parents through a smaller door to the side that had a padlock on it.
We walked through a white hallway that was very quiet. The doctor and nurses showed us to my room and helped me into my bed as I was wiggling and wincing. I had one parent on either side of me. Patiently waited to stop my arms from scratching.
The doctor was trying to ask further questions but he could tell it wasn't going anywhere. I knew that my dad probably told that receptionist about my OCD tendencies and that I needed to go to the psych ward. Not just to the stranded side of the ER.
I couldn't take it anymore and blurted out that something was inside my stomach and it was trying to get out.
The doctor just looked at my parents for a reaction and they gave him a sad nod. It was like they warned him that this could happen. The doctor didn't just think I was crazy, my parents did too. The doctor took a deep breath and came up to me. I knew I was about to hear some kind of dumb speech about how this was just my OCD and everything was going to be okay.
As he came closer to me, I pulled up my shirt and he gasped. Not only was my stomach scratched up like crazy, but we saw movement. It looked like when a pregnant woman can see her baby kicking. But this was so much stronger. It was stretching my skin.
My parents stood up and gasped while the doctor looked frantic and unprepared.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" The doctor said as he backed out of the room. "Hang on! We are getting this taken care of, just hang tight."
Just seconds later a nurse came in to give me some painkillers. I started to feel the pain slip away, but something so much worse started to creep in. I heard a voice. Not my own. Not some creepy-sounding creature, but the voice of a normal-sounding man that I'd never heard before. But that wasn't the scary part. The scary part was what he was saying to me.
"Get me out. Get me out. Get me out!"
It started in a normal tone, but slowly became more urgent and rushed. Then demanding.
The voice would coincide with the moment inside me.
It was getting so loud that I was having a hard time hearing the people around me. The doctor came in just a few minutes after I last saw him. He was red and sweaty. Like he'd just run a marathon. He told me they needed to do just a few tests on what was inside me before taking action.
I was trying so hard to pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth but all I could hear was the voice. The voice stopped for just a second and changed what he was saying. Now he started repeating,
"Cut me out, cut me out, cut me out, now!" I now knew this thing didn't just want out but it wanted out now. I begged the doctor to just get it out now but he wouldn't listen. The voice spoke up again.
"This is taking too long. Don't be afraid. Get me out yourself."
I think it could feel me resisting. Without realizing it, I was looking around the room for something. It was like I didn't even have control over my head or eyes anymore. I knew the voice was looking for a knife but I was trying to ignore the feeling. I knew there weren't any knives around. I was in a very safe place.
Just as I had the feeling I was safe, it was immediately taken away. The thought passed through my head that my dad probably had a pocket knife on him. My heart sank. I knew this thing could hear my thoughts. I knew what it would try to do.
The next thing I knew, I was on my feet, leaping for my dad. My body hit his. luckily, he's in pretty good shape for his age and had no problems putting me in my place.
He got on top of me and pinned me to the ground. All while I could barely hear my mom in the background. Yelling at my dad to be careful. My dad knew something was going on and that I just needed to be on the ground until I calmed down.
My body tried to flail but it wasn't successful. The whole time the voice in my head, now yelling and screaming. Not saying any distinguishable words, but just having what felt like a tantrum. What made my dad the most uncomfortable was the kicking feeling coming from my stomach.
After a couple of minutes, the voice calmed down and I felt in charge of my body again. My dad slowly got up and attempted to help me up. At this point with an audience of hospital staff that looked like they were getting ready to take me somewhere for more tests.
Just as I stood up straight, I felt the voice take over and I lost all sense of my own body. I felt like a shell of myself. My dad gave me a soft yet worried smile, and in that instance, I grabbed him and reached into his pocket. My heart sank as I felt his pocket knife. The room started to panic and about 5 people tried to grab it from me. The last thing I remember is plunging the knife into my stomach. I felt a blinding pain and everything went black.
Several hours later I started to wake up. Everything was extremely blurry and fuzzy. I could hear a very faint voice telling me to relax. As the minutes passed by, things started to become a little bit clearer. I looked around and saw I was in a large room with a few other patients. A nurse was going up to all the beds and checking in on them. I tried to sit up a bit to get more comfortable and noticed an incredible sourness in my stomach. I moved my hospital gown out of the way and saw a huge scare. About 6" across. Most of the scare looked very surgical. Like what I'd imagine a c-section surgery would look like. Except where I remembered the knife going in. It looked like a bunch of extra stitches had to be added where it went in. It also looked pretty bruised. I can imagine that a dull 10-year-old knife that was harshly shoved into a body really wouldn't cleanly cut through and leave some damage.
The feeling of shock from looking at my stomach was quickly gone when I realized that meant whatever was in me was now gone. I didn't hear the voice, I didn't feel a hand in my gut anymore, I didn't see that vile kicking anymore. I felt like I could breathe.
I asked the nurse what they found and she looked flush.
"Uh, that's something that you, uh. Your doctor will talk with you once you eat something and can speak clearly." She said as she scurried off looking upset.
Shortly after that, I was wheeled into a recovery room and my parents came to see me.
As they walked in they had a very similar look on their faces as the nurse did. They looked pale and didn't want to look me in the eye. I kept asking them questions about what was going on but they said the doctor needed to discuss it with me and he wanted to make sure I wasn't feeling high from the anesthesia while we had a conversation.
The doctor didn't come and see me for another 10 hours. Which felt strange. And to add to the strangeness, my parents were taking shifts hanging out with me. There was only overlap when they switched and the other parent took over while the other one left the room. I would understand if they weren't both with me for the whole time. I'm not that needy, but they were only both in my room together for about an hour. That was the hour before the doctor came to my room.
Finally, the doctor came in to talk to me. When he walked in, the room was cold and quiet. It was evident he didn't feel the same relief I was feeling.
He seemed awkward. Like he was talking way too long to get over to me. He grabbed a chair and scooted it close to me.
"Listen Sam. I know this last 24 hours has been very challenging. I apologize for not explaining what happened during your surgery sooner, but we all needed time to figure it out, and quite frankly, process what happened. We feel we have enough information to let you in on what is going on." A silence filled the room. It felt like no one was brave enough to break it.
"And?" I said with confusion.
"I think it'll be easier if we just show you."
The doctor along with my parents helped me into a wheelchair and we started to make our way across the hospital to an entirely different section. I couldn't believe all the things running through my head at what we were about to see. It felt like cruel and unusual punishment to leave me in anticipation and not just tell me what I was about to see.
When I went around the corner I couldn't process what I was looking at. I thought they were showing me a large tumor or growth of some kind, but why would a tumor be in a big incubation chamber with tubes connected to IVs and machines coming out of it?
As I got closer, I started to see human fetchers on it. It was mostly just a 6-pound lump of flesh, but I could see a hand sticking out of it. It was small, but what made it creepy was it looked like a fully developed man's hand. Just small. I could see a patch of hair coming out of what I assumed was its head. It had no discernible facial features. Just a few teeth scattered in one section.
As I looked at it with disgust, coming to terms with this thing that was just in my body, I had a realization. I wasn't feeling sick at the thought of something being in my body. Sure, I was grossed out that this particular thing was just in me, but the thought of the bacteria in my body didn't make me want to throw up. I thought about all the blood pumping through my veins and I felt… normal. Not only was the voice and kicking gone. But my OCD was gone too. I didn't have a mental illness. It was just this thing. Trying to find its way out for years.
As I was staring at the creature, the doctor came and put his hand on my shoulder.
"We believe this is your twin brother." I immediately looked up at my parents who looked very disturbed and upset. I let the doctor finish talking. "We believe that you absorbed him in the womb and that he has been living inside you your whole life. This is an extremely rare condition called fetus-in-fetu. It seems he didn't quite have the best opportunity to develop normally. That's why he looks the way he does. Despite his appearance, he has all the organs he needs to survive. Looks like he's missing a lung and his gallbladder. Also a piece of his liver but other than that, it looks like he will live for at least a few years. He won't be able to leave this room due to him needing a feeding tube and a few other things that his body can not do on its own. He needs lots of support just to live. What makes this situation extremely unique is that your twin is still alive despite your body not sustaining him anymore. Even though we have him hooked up to a few IVs and machines, It is unexplainable how he is living while outside of your body."
I was in complete shock. I didn't want to believe it. I asked my mom why she never told me I absorbed my twin in the womb, she said she had no clue. There was never a sign when she was pregnant with me.
He also mentioned that sometimes even in pregnancies women will go their whole pregnancy without even getting a belly. It's called a 'Cryptic pregnancy'. I've always had a bit of a gut but never anything big enough to cause suspicion. I guess in my case I had a fetus-fetu and an experience similar to a cryptic pregnancy. Even though it was in my stomach. At least that was the doctor's best guess. Although, it all sounded like BS to me.
The doctor and my parents kept trying to explain more and more details to me. I don't know why they didn't slow down a little bit for my sake. How could they not tell I wasn't processing any of this?
I noticed something while they were trying to explain things to me. They kept calling it a 'He'.
Now listen. I'm not some kind of asshole that won't respect someone who wants to be called a specific pronoun. I've never been that kind of person. But this is where I draw the line.
Not just that. But this thing had a name. My parents named it and said today was its birthday. While they told me all this information, they didn't look happy about it. It seemed like they were forced to do all this nonsense. And now it was my turn to be convinced. I could tell they were trying to force it.
The doctor told me despite it not having a high probability for a long life that we should still try and give it the love it deserves. Of course, the doctor referred to it as a 'He' but I refused to.
This disgusted me. This thing tried to kill me and ruined my quality of life for so long, and now we are going to treat it like it's some kind of prince? No, absolutely not.
Luckily, it seemed like it would never leave the hospital, but my parents planned on going to visit it daily. Visiting it? Are you kidding me? it has no eyes, no ears, it's probably miserable and has no concept of people even being around it.
I'm refusing to ever see this thing again or acknowledge its existence again.
I could get in trouble for even talking about this. The hospital or anyone involved has signed NDAs to not share any information about this until it officially dies. This is because it's a medical anomaly and the first of its kind. They want to do the proper research on how this all occurred before coming out with a statement. I just have to get this all off my chest. I feel like I'm the crazy one here when I know I'm not. I don't care if I get in trouble.
I am scared that the doctors are trying to force my parents into giving this thing a proper life. I think that's why it took them so long to tell me. I think they scared my parents into keeping it alive and guilting them or even forcing them into being its parent.
I'm all for every life being important and all that stuff, but I have a feeling my parents are terrified of this thing just like I am.
I am convinced they gaslit my parents into believing this thing is my brother. If there wasn't any sign of him while my mom was pregnant with me, could this thing be something else?
This all happened about two years ago. It's still alive and they are still researching it. My parents continue to visit it despite everything. My therapist told me that I'm probably just struggling with jealousy now that I'm not an only child anymore and so much of my parents' attention is on him now, but it's so much bigger than just jealousy.
Since this thing showed up and my OCD is pretty much gone, I've hardly seen my parents. I know I'm not just jealous. There is something more to this. I know it.
Something just feels so off about this whole thing. What is this thing? Where did it come from? And what does it want?

My dad was a police officer for 25 years. Keeps telling me he thinks Hrudey is “on something”. I don’t see it, except for the fact that he has bags under his eyes… thoughts?