I can't help but feel like I brought this on myself. This is a real quick summary of my experience.
I spent the last 2 years staring at the sky, every night watching them. I have to them all my curiosity and attention. I found in time that I had their attention as well. Started off with just seeing one hang around all night, to literally they would only cluster above my head, then I'm constantly followed by this "moon" creature.
Say I was to step outside to smoke a cigarette at idk, 3am, no matter where I am, when I look up at the sky, the whole cluster is above me, packed in tighter than sardines just to sit above my head all night.
Anyways I stopped watching at the beginning of the year it was just getting too freaky. However, ever since, it seems like they are around all the time. It started with me just noticing random invisible rotating energy "orbs" floating through my vision every once and awhile. At that time, They looked like little blur circles. Now they are definitely not afraid to get right up in my face, touching me or making my vision do strange things. Like sometimes it's like we're making eye contact and my vision dims in and out. Or sometimes when they are moving around and stop to pulsate, I see this orb now glowing like a light bulb for a fraction of a second, it's literally like someone taking a breath. Colors vary,.
Now they are around me 24/7, I see them clear as day. I see how their energy interacts with objects around me. Which is already weird. It's almost as if the objects they "touch" are breathing or swaying or moving slow as molasses without any other influences. On top of all that, I feel them when they are close or when they are deciding to touch me.
I constantly ask them not to touch me, which only makes them do it more. Sometimes it's like something is crawling on me or just ticking me. Other times I feel an intense vibrating energy all over my body. Its the strangest sensation when they come to rest on me. Feels like I'm rocking back and forth, without moving.
I feel crazy as hell, trying to explain to my wife how these things are effecting me everyday. She doesn't get that I'm seeing, and feeling what, I deem to be at the very least was like, maybe 25 thoughout the whole day, including three night crowd. To 100+ of these entities, around me at any given moment, all the time. For the last 2 week, i've noticed this energy getting more and more intense and heavy. Honestly it's freaking me out, I being to feel scared. Idk know what they want from me or why they continuously watch me. No matter where I go, no matter the time, they are right above me, like I'm some type of entertainment that they have to be tuned into every second of the day. My biggest problem now is the number of entities that swarm around me. All the touching and presence of them are driving me insane. These days Siting alone in a room is quite uncomfortable. But I feel like I brought this all on myself by giving them all my attention without thinking about what it would be like for them to give theirs back. It all just talking a real toll on me

(TL;DR at the end) I have generalised and social anxiety. I have an appointment with a psych next week to discuss medication for it. I'm currently on Adderall to treat social anxiety (I do not have ADHD if that's relevant) - it's fantastic in social situations, the only side effect is rapid heartbeat, but it doesn't stop my other anxiety symptoms and I don't only want to take meds for a disorder I don't have. To my knowledge, Adderall is a very unconventional drug to prescribe for anxiety, but I'm glad to have it and want to try an unconventional medication for my GAD as well. Has anyone had experience with this? If so, what med did you try and how was it? I'm not asking this because I want suggestions on what to take but rather to know if this is a real thing and if it's safe or effective.
Been avoiding reading about other people's experiences with specific meds but just from reading about the basics of the most commonly prescribed medication for anxiety, I don't like any of it very much. Don't want antidepressants cos I'm not depressed, don't want benzos even if I could get them cos they're addictive, don't want antihistamines because they're not a mental health medication, don't want a medication I have to take every day cos I don't want to rely on it or have withdrawal symptoms, etc. Seems like there's no medication that solely treats anxiety ://
I'm willing to try the conventional meds like SSRIs and SNRIs if I have to but would strongly prefer something that doesn't have all these side effects or require lots of experimentation to find the right med. Before I started Adderall, I was on Wellbutrin (Bupropion) for my social anxiety. It worked well but had bad side effects. Admittedly that experience has made me wary of other common anxiety meds but I would like to explore all my options before I mess around with my brain chemistry any more.
TL;DR: Was prescribed Adderall for social anxiety, now I want to try other unconventional/"not specifically meant to treat anxiety" type medications for my Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Has anyone here used unconventional meds to treat anxiety and if so, what meds and how did it go?

I need some advice. I’ve been in relationships with heavy marijuana users and want no part in it personally. I use to smoke myself, but found it had negative effects on myself and the people I have been with. No offense to marijuana smokers at all, I know for some people it may help with things. I studied psychology in school so I understand it can have some benefits for people, but if used wrong it may have negative effects as with most things (really all depends on the person). Well I am in a relationship with someone who relies heavily on using it to fall asleep. I feel as if it has become such a habit that without it, he cannot fall asleep. It has become a hinderance and it seems as if using it every night makes it nearly impossible to fathom falling asleep without it. It kinda hurts to know someone you love struggles so hard to fall asleep next to you, without smoking. I don’t really know what to do at this point because I love the person I’m with and all I want to do is help. It’s hard that I’ve quit smoking, and when he smokes, interactions seem different and it throws things off. I’m a little stuck because I’m of the helping nature. Should I not be bothered that he relies on it to fall asleep? I feel bad being bothered, because it is in a way helping him in the moment to fall asleep, I just feel like in the long run it’s hurting him as he cannot fall asleep without it.

My husband & I helped his sister fix up her rental house & now we're renting it from her. Previous tenant was a heavy smoker. The smell in this house was truly horrendous.
Well the cleaning, priming, painting, etc. has been pretty effective and overall the house smells fine EXCEPT that I notice a strong odor when either the heat or air conditioning are running. We had the air ducts professionally cleaned by a reputable company before moving in, and the furnace is brand new. I would've thought that the new furnace & duct cleaning would be enough to get rid of the odor, but apparently not.
What else can I do to fully clean the HVAC system? We have a 3 month old daughter & I am concerned about the third hand smoke affecting her health.
Thanks!!

Nardil improved my anxiety and at lower dosage for depression, but nothing for Adhd and anhedonia. Plus on Nardil I have had terrible side effects.
Parnate is much SE friendly. But still none of them did not help with anhedonia, ADD, low energy, boredom every day, low energy, feeling like it helps but nothing makes me happy, I have no motivation to go anywhete and do anything. Everythyng is forced. Alcohol never helped so much ( I am clean 6 years, marijuana made me worse, LSD also, shrooms nothing, Modafinil has helped with Nardil tiredness, but most time makes me anxiouss, Kratom ( even 3-4 years ago when it was quality never make me doing something 3-4-5 hours and enjoying in that... I forgot my pain when take stimulants, I do not feel euphoric. I can walk with my dog without forcing myself to do it, i can be in my room talk with my mother, help her something about cleaning. I enjoy spending time with my family, I can go to shopping and only when i take stimulants i can really enjoy in that, I forgot about any "prpblems". I can also speak with my friends without fear and without feeling that i have to do that. I just relax myself and ifni want to watch movie or basketball game, i do it from the start to the end. That is so rarelly without stimulant.
So stimulants fix my impulsivity,attention negative hyperactivity, motivation, social anxiety, depression, ADHD. I can listen people, without interrupting them, my attention improve. I have feeling that Parnate and stimulant could help with all my conditions. I usually take 50 or 60 mg Parnate dailly. Now is bery late, 2 AM and i realized that i took only 30 mg Parnate, Kratom only once, benzos 50% less and Lyrica 150 instead of 225. This stimulant lasted 10 hours and i still feeling positive effects. Only thing is If i decide to reduce Parnate to 40 mg, reducing Kratom, benzos and then stop them completely will be hard to fell asleep. But there are melatonin/valerian root/chamomile tea. I dont want to taking nothing that could make me drowsy and interact with my medications. For 4-5 months i hope that this will be normal me without benzos and Kratom and reduced Parnate.I take Modafinil very often but i could without it without problems.
My plan: I will take 40 mg Parnate, 225 mg Lyrica and stimulant. Of corse i will continue taking dopamine supplements( Bromantane, vitamin D, gingko biloba, B6, B12, caffeine) but nothing every day, dopamine tolerance supplements ( NMDA antagonists) oxidative stress ( vitamin e, selenium, Nac), adaptogens( ashawangdha, bacopa moniery), neuroprotection( R-Ala, omega 3, curcumim, agmatine), mentat health and cognitive impairment ( coenzime q10, Lions Mane, phenylpiracetam, choline, Dhea). I have two big boxes of different medications, drugs, nootropics, supplements.
But unfortunatelly nothing works for me beside Maoi + stimulant and low dose of lyrica for fibro pain and chronic knee pain.
I think i wont have problems reducing benzos and Kratom. Modafinil i can stop now but I need some alternative because i plan to take stimulant max. 5 days a week. For other two days i will probably take caffeine pills and i must take dopamine vitamins and supplements. Without oxidative stress pills, dopamine booster, tolerance reduction, neuroprotections, mental health and antioxidants it wont last long. That is one of the reason why people become tolerance to dopamine releasers. This stimulant that I take it is less stronger than Adderall. There is very little euphoria in comparasion with dexedrine and adderall. But people cant realize that euphoria is only side effects that last one to two weeks and then people think they developed tolerance. This stimulant is last longer. It is best to avoid caffeine while taking it. Caffeine can make stimulant a little bit euphoric but then it last shorter. There is no much side effects.
Worst se is insomnia especially I take it with Parnate. But i will try melatonin and valerian root, even i have mirtazapine mainly at 7.5 it works as sedating antihistamines. I also have leftovers from seroquel and Elavil which in low doses works only as strong antihistamine. But I have experience with all 3 medications. They will make you very sleepy at 15-30 minutes, but the problem is that you sleep too much. If you get up earlier you will be drowsy all day and then my medications do not work as they should. I need around 6 hours of sleep. Wow, now i see how long this post is, lol. But I made decision and I wont stop until i reach my goal. And my goal reduce Parnate to 40 mg, stay on 225 lyrica and taking 25-30 mg stimulant powder in empty capsule.

1. Reduce Parnate from 50-60 to 40 but maybe is even betterr stay at 50 mg because i need less stimulant
   
2. Quit Kratom
   
3. Quit Benzos ( take it just PRN)
   
4. Quit Modafinil.
   I can quit it from today. For Kratom i think that i will quit it in 4-5 weeks. Even i could much quicker but i want to avoid withdrawal. Medications that do not work so well i can live without them. The longest I will need for Bromazolam because i can quit it in 10 days but i know how bad withdrawal are in such a short time. I have never had bad withdrawals unless from Nardil, which was horrible. My theory is that i cant get bad withdrawals from drugs that do not work like they should.
   

When people share their Wegovy success stories about weight loss with Wegovy, the community often has many questions. To help provide a more complete picture of your journey and anticipate these questions, we've created a template that covers a wide range of relevant information. By using this template, you can share your story more effectively and help others better understand your experience.

1. Geo/location:
   - Country:
   - General area:
   

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1. Age/ age range

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1. Height:

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1. Biological Gender:

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1. Do you snore: (Yes/No)

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1. Waist circumference before starting Wegovy:

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1. Waist circumference today:

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1. Weight before starting Wegovy:

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1. Current weight:

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1. Diabetes:

- Type 1
- Type 2
- Prediabetes
- None
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1. How does Wegovy injections and treatment feel:

- Increased energy levels (Yes/No)
- Improved mobility (Yes/No)
- Reduced joint pain (Yes/No)
- Improved self-confidence (Yes/No)
- Improved sleep quality (Yes/No)
- Stomach feels flatter after starting Wegovy and losing weight (Yes/No)
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1. Blood biomarkers:

- Total cholesterol (mg/dL) - Before and After
- LDL cholesterol (mg/dL) - Before and After
- HDL cholesterol (mg/dL) - Before and After
- Triglycerides (mg/dL) - Before and After
- Fasting blood glucose (mg/dL) - Before and After
- HbA1c (%) - Before and After
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1. Urine biomarkers:

- Urine albumin-to-creatinine ratio (mg/g) - Before and After
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1. Blood pressure:

- Systolic blood pressure (mmHg) - Before and After
- Diastolic blood pressure (mmHg) - Before and After
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1. Comorbidities:

- Pre-existing health conditions (e.g., hypertension, sleep apnea, PCOS)
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1. Family history of obesity: (Yes/No)

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1. Previous weight loss attempts:

- List any previous diets or weight loss methods tried
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1. Reason for choosing Wegovy. What was the true motivation. Who helped you get started ?

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1. Side effects experienced:

- Nausea (Yes/No)
- Diarrhea (Yes/No)
- Constipation (Yes/No)
- Headache (Yes/No)
- Fatigue (Yes/No)
- Other (please specify)
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1. Impact on daily life:

- Improved physical activity (Yes/No)
- Improved social interactions (Yes/No)
- Improved work performance (Yes/No)
- Improved overall quality of life (Yes/No)
- Stopped smoke/vape/alcohol (Yes/No)
- Libido change(Yes/No)

1. Health insurance
   - Health insurance covered (Yes/No)
   - Self pay (Yes/No)
   
2. Source of Wegovy
   - Pharmacy (Yes/No)
   - Online without prescription (Yes/No)
   - Online with prescription (Yes/No)
   - Underground (Yes/No)
   

PS: If you are a Data Scientist, Citizen Scientist or other professionals and would like to help us develop this template further, please DM me or join the Sub-Reddit u/WegovyUSA

I reached three months of sobriety while also consistently weightlifting and participating in MMA sessions each week. However, about three weeks ago, I visited some older friends and fell back into old habits, including smoking weed and indulging in unhealthy behaviors like drugs, alcohol, and poor eating habits. Despite appearing emotionally charged, I haven't been effectively addressing my underlying issues. Weed has been serving as a suppressant for my emotions, but I've come to realize that it merely amplifies my problems. The root cause lies in feeling bored and empty. In my youth, I used to fantasize about exciting careers like being a cop or a rock star, but as I've grown older, reality has dampened those dreams. I've turned to weed since age 12 to escape the mundanity of life. This deep sense of emptiness has also fueled my anger, yet I'm struggling to find healthy coping mechanisms. I acknowledge my willingness to change and seek purpose, but I've been avoiding hard work, which I know is necessary for growth. I believe the key lies in embracing the challenge and finding a purpose meaningful enough to inspire me. I yearn for a fulfilling and adventurous journey ahead but how can I find anything to excite me in life?

I have advice for new plasma donors who may be considering to try it out and earn extra money:

• Plasma is 92% water and the rest is mostly protein elements.
• The plasma is separated from your blood and your red blood cells are returned to you in cycles.
• Per FDA regulations, you're only allowed to donate plasma twice in a 7 day period, with a 48 hour wait inbetween those two times. Don't risk your health by hopping around to different plasma donation centers to circumvent these regulations, and you may get caught if you do.

1. Eat a meal high in protein 2-3 hours before donating.
2. Drink plenty of water and/or non-caffeinated juice before donating to stay hydrated.
3. Avoid caffeine such as in coffee or soda before donating or you may get nauseous and vomit or faint during your donation.
4. No alcohol 24 hours before, and for a little while after donating.
5. No exercising for at least 6 hours after donating as it can put too much stress on the vein.
6. Some people get away with smoking or vaping nicotine before and after donating, but it's recommended not to for 2 hours before and after. The nicotine can raise your heart's pulse rate.
7. If your pulse rate is 100 or above, you'll be able to do a vitals retake after a 15 minute wait. But if it's 100 or higher again you'll be deferred for the day. If your pulse rate is an issue, listen to "Pink Noise" or "Green Noise" at a low volume before donating which may help reduce your pulse rate, along with its effect on lowering your blood pressure.
8. There is a risk of getting a blown vein if the worker is having a hard time finding your vein when they're sticking you with the needle or if you have small veins. You may get deferred until your vein heals if that happens. But it's ok, your body is able to regenerate your veins with a process called Angiogenesis.
9. There is a risk of blood clots, but when your blood is constantly moving through the machine it prevents that from happening.
10. You may be subject to drug screening. The drug screening tests for methamphetamines, cocaine, and heroin. Certain pharma prescription meds may show up as a false positive so you'll want to let the plasma center know what meds you're taking. Testing positive for these drugs can result in a permanent deferral from donating plasma.
11. A sample of your blood will be drawn periodically to test for certain sexually transmitted infections (STIs). A positive test will result in either a temporary or permanent deferral from donating plasma. If you've ever been diagnosed or received treatment for HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis B (HBV) or Hepatitis C (HCV) you will be permanently deferred from donating plasma.'

• Donating Plasma with Managed Diabetes

Individuals with well-controlled diabetes can contribute to plasma donation, but certain criteria need to be met:
Absence of Complications: This means no existing diabetic complications affecting your kidneys, heart, blood vessels, or eyes.
Insulin Independence: If you rely on insulin for diabetes management, a three-month waiting period is required after using needles for non-prescribed medications. Additionally, you must be free of symptoms or treatment needs related to blood sugar fluctuations (high or low) for the past three months.

1. Healthy Feet: Active foot ulcers requiring medical attention will disqualify you from donation.
2. Steady Balance: You shouldn't experience dizziness or lightheadedness upon standing.
3. Type 1 Consideration: For Type 1 diabetics, eating within two hours of donation is mandatory.

• It's recommended to use Vitamin E oil/Mineral oil on the needle site for the puncture area to heal better. A Q-tip can be used to apply it easier.
  
• Frequently donating over a prolonged period of time may lead to your body having decreased vitamin D levels.
  
• Red meats are particularly high in the protein vitamins and minerals found in plasma.
  
• Personally, I take a Now brand Vitamin D supplement that contains vitamin D3, Calcium, Magnesium, and Zinc. But I only take a half a dose, 1 gel capsule instead of 2, since I get these from eating meats as well. It's bad for your health if you take too much of these vitamins and minerals over time. I also take an Iron supplement. I also drink a protein shake before donating. Just to be safe.
  

Link to download app:
https://rewards.cslplasma.com/referral/referral-unique-code/eyJkb25vcklEIjoiMTMwMTkyMTciLCJjb2RlIjoiQVlMR1k1NERBRyJ9
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I had a thought and want to throw it out there for discussion.
Human existence in the density, feels to me like we are watching a magic show.
You now it’s not real, but on face value it’s mystical. We know their is a vail but can’t see behind it. If we saw behind it the magic would be lost.
I for one spend a lot of mental effort thinking about life. It’s what lead me to LoO. I’m thinking if I take the above idea, stop trying to see behind the curtain and just enjoy the show I would be much more content.
I am naturally service to others minded. I don’t feel it is something I need to try to achieve. Although I can do things out of self interest but always consider the effect on others (I don’t always succeed). I am human and it is not meant to be easy.
Point is, It is enough for me to know that the truth is that there is a “behind the curtain” but I have decided that I am going to stay in the audience, watch and participate in the show. Trying to peak behind the curtain is causing me distress and confusion. I think because that’s not the point. To me the point is follow your values and you will end up where you need to be. Positive or negative so to speak.
Interested in others point of view on this?
And just for fun a poem I created on the subject.
In life’s grand theater, we sit as spectators, Our hearts drawn to the stage, where magic awaits.
The spotlight dances, illusions take flight And we marvel at wonders that defy the night.
Behind the velvet curtain, secrets lie concealed A realm of hidden gears and whispered deals.
We know it’s all a show, mere smoke and mirrors. Yet our curiosity tugs, urging us nearer.
To lift that veil, to glimpse the truth’s design. Would unravel the mystique, the enchantment divine.
But if we stop and pause and consider. What if answers quest just dims the glitter?
For within the illusion, there’s purpose and grace. A dance of shadows that time can’t erase.
The magician’s flourish, the rabbit’s escape. These fleeting moments weave stories to shape.
Life’s magic lies not in the mechanics revealed. But in the wonder we feel, when hearts are unsealed.
The gasp of awe, the laughter that rings. Are the treasures more precious than knowing all things.
So let the curtain sway, let mystery persist. And embrace in the marvel, That the illusions exists.
For being human is like watching a magic show, And sometimes, my friends, it’s best not to know

Like all of us, I had AWFUL side effects from my IR 20mg Teva adderall last year. I’ve been on the same dosage, same manufacturer (Teva) for literally fourteen years, so it was incredibly noticeable when I started taking it and could almost instantly vomit the nausea was so bad, I could barely work from the sound and headaches.. I was sweating through my clothes. I couldn’t stay awake at my desk whatsoever.. and like, 10mg of my dose has always “jazzed me” Some days I didn’t even need my full 20mg- prior to this batch. All this to say, it wasn’t a sudden tolerance change or anything, I metabolize very slowly- I always have. It would be one thing if I felt “nothing” like a lot of people were experiencing, but to feel the NEGATIVE side effects was life altering. I had a baby, a full time job, a house to clean, meals to cook.. and I was like a zombie.
I was pissed enough to file the tedious Medwatch report with the FDA. I had to stop taking that brand and haven’t taken it since. I filed my report on August 31st, just checked my email confirmation, becauseeeee suddenly, today I get a voicemail from Teva- the gal says to call back she “wants to talk to me about my generic adderall” and gave me a case number to reference. Checked the phone numbers and they trace back to Teva.
I feel SO stressed about calling them haha I can’t even believe they called me! Are they gonna ask me questions?! Idk this feels so loaded I really want to lay in to them for the hell they’ve caused so many of us!! Ahh. Anyways, has anyone else gotten a call from them???!
Maybe standard procedure to follow up on a medwatch complaint and it will be a lame call hah but I’d love it if they really wanted to know what my experience was like.. it sounds like it’s the FDA who follows up on a medwatch if they need more info, not required of the manufacturer to do so.

Ok, so this is pretty wild, but I'm prepping for my very first dnd campaign that I'd be dming, and while I was trying to think up something interesting for the campaign's premise, I thought up a really cool idea: all the players play martial classes and don't use spellcasting. Rather, they have to organically learn about a new, homebrewed magic system to replace the spell slots system.
I've been hammering away at this idea for quite a while, addressing every problem I could think of. It's gone through several different versions, and I thought that I'd write down the most recent iteration of the idea and send it to a couple different DnD homebrew forums to get feedback
This magic system works off of 'Mustering Energy'. The campaign takes place in a world completely devoid of magic, where arcane forces are alien to the people of this world. Suddenly, a black smog begins to overtake the world, with this cloud rotting everything it touches. The only safe places in the world are kingdoms atop high mountains, since this cloud is heavy and sinks to the ground; that is, until the undead begin to scale the mountains, plunging the world into deeper crisis. Amidst this apocalypse, four adventurers of mysterious backgrounds are inflicted with wounds from strange magical beasts. These wounds infect the players, endangering their lives, but also enchants their bodies, letting them pump magic through them like blood and invoke their powers to bend the elements around them. What is the mystery behind these arcane animals? Where did this dark smog come from? What can be achieved with these mystical abilities our adventurers have obtained, and more importantly, what is the cost? These kinds of questions are the things that I want to use to intruege my players, and the magic system should contribute to answering these questions and, more importantly, building up a good mystery along the way to the answer. Those are my goals with the magic system.

Elements

In my story, the magic system is divided into the controlling of 4 elements. But these elements aren't going to be the material elements of fire, water, air, etc. Rather, they're 4 fundamental elements of reality that ensure the laws of physics and such maintain consistent.

• The Element of Energy, also known as the Red Lightning, represents one half of the energy cycle. It controls heat, movement, speed, and the transfer of energies. It manifests as arcing bolts of plasma and electricity, glowing a deep red.
• The Element of Inertia, also known as the Radiant Frost, is the Red Lightning's counterpart, representing the other half of the energy cycle. While Red Lightning is the gain of energy, Radiant Frost is the loss of it. It controls the cold, slowing of objects, the halting of processes, and the calming of energies. It manifests as glowing beams of icy-white light, cold to the touch.
• The Element of Bonding, also known as the Bonding Bubbles (favorite name of the bunch), represents one half of the material cycle. The first two elements represented hot and cold, fire and ice, and the two halves of the energy cycle, but the Element of Bonding represents the cycle that the material world goes through. The Bonding Bubbles control chemical reactions, the bonding of molecules, the mixing of ingredients, fusion of objects and mending of wounds. It manifests itself as viscous blue bubbles, performing alchemy within its soapy interior.
• The Element of Decay, also known as the Decaying Breath, represents the other half of the material cycle, and is the Bonding Bubbles' counterpart. It represents the breaking down of materials, erosion, aging, and death, but also the recycling of resources, the decomposition of dead organisms into nutrient-rich soils, and new life after death. It manifests itself as a black, gaseous smoke, and the dark smog that has descended over the world is made up of this element.

Each of these four elements will basically be a different 'school of magic'. Decaying Breath will have necromancy-inspired abilities, Bonding Bubbles will have some transmutation and abjuration, some healing too, the Red Lightning will have a whole ton of evocation, while Radiant Light also has transmutation and evocation. But they're not specifically bound by these categories, I'm just using the pre-existing DnD schools of magic to sum up what to expect from each element.
OK!! Now that the plot is finally done with, we can get to the actual mechanics of the homebrew!!!!

Mustering Energy

The main mechanic in this homebrewed magic system will be Mustering Energy Lvls. The players will be able to conjure forth energies from their bodies that would then swirl around their bodies. An Energy Lvl is a representation of the intensity of these energies, with the players getting to choose how many Energy Lvls they put into a spell in order to decide the spell's intensity. You can consider these an expendable resource, like Sorcery Points. However, before a player can use an Energy Lvl, they have to first Muster it. 'Mustering' an Energy Lvl takes a bonus action, and it basically preps the Energy Lvl for use, drawing the energy out of the character's body so that they can cast with it. Finally, once it's spent, a player can regain their Energy Lvls by spending taking the Rest action in combat. Basically, the player voluntarily gives up an action for their turn so that, at the start of their next turn, they'd regain their all their Energy Lvls for future use. This makes the Energy Lvls an infinite resource, as opposed to Spell Slots that need to recharge over long rests. However, it's balanced out by how little Energy Lvls the players will have, the fact that they need to Muster them before they even get to use them, and the fact that they recharge them by wasting an action for a turn.
At higher levels, players not only get more Energy Lvls to spend on their spells, but they also get the ability to Muster multiple Energy Lvls at once. Players can Muster a number of Energy Lvls equal to their Mustering Level, as shown by the below chart. (Also, players only get this spellcasting at Level 3).
LevelMax Energy LvlsMustering Level. 311 411 521 621 731 831 942 1042 1152 1252 1362 1462 1573 1673 1783 1883 1993 2093
Ok, so those are Energy Lvls and mustering them. That's how the resource for this magic system works. Onto the application.

Casting Spells

In this magic system, I wanted to capture the feeling of a soft magic system in DnD. The resource system of Energy Lvls is very defined, but as for what the Energy Lvls do, I wanted it to be much more free-form. So, I had the plan of not actually showing the statistics of any of the spells to the players. If a spell that they have is "shoot a bolt of lightning that does 3d8 damage", then all I'd tell them about the spell is "you can shoot a bolt of lightning forward", and players would be free to be as creative as they want with what that means and try anything out, y'know. I want it to feel a bit like ATLA, if that makes sense? I'm taking notes from Avatar's bending system and the Kineticist class from Pathfinder.
There's three kinds of spells that can be cast:

1. Class Applications
   1. These are just the abilities granted to the players from the homebrewed subclass. The three classes my players will be playing as, Rogue, Fighter, and Barbarian, are each getting a homebrewed subclass that'll allow them to interact with this magic system, and they have their own unique abilities that they can spend Energy Lvls on. But I won't get into any of that.
2. Martial Applications
   1. These are the pathfindeATLA inspired spells. The adventurers would use a series of martial moves to weave their mustered energy together into powerful spells, capable of raining down lightning arrows on enemies, changing the flow of water, etc. These are decently powerful spells that the players can cast whenever they want, with a couple limitations. Because it requires trained movements, players cannot cast these spells while restrained in any way. Not only that, but some spells not only cost Energy Lvls to cast, but also some movement, and others require you to succeed acrobatics, performance, or athletics checks in order to succeed on casting them. Throughout the campaign, players will learn new martial arts techniques that broaden the kind of spells they're able to cast, allowing the players to gain a feeling of progression as they train themselves to be capable of casting more spells. I'll start players off with really simple Martial Applications. The first spell they'll ever get to cast will just be them extending their hand and firing a single, simple bolt of energy forward. From there, the sky's the limit as to what their character can do with their magic martial arts.
3. Crafted Applications
   1. In stark contrast with the martial-arts focused Martial Applications are the science-focused Crafted Applications. The different elements wielded by the player characters will each have vastly different effects on the environment depending on the materials that they interact with. Red lightning will burn paper, Radiant Frost will freeze water, etc. Players can take advantage of this by putting many different material components, like herbs, crystals, and precious metals together as ingredients to form a resource called Spell Pouches. The spells that are castable thanks to Crafted Applications are incredibly powerful and do not face the risk of failing to cast via a failed athletics check or anything like that. In exchange for this, it's as if every spell has a resource to cast unique to itself. These Spell Pouches that would let them cast these powerful spells are a resource that isn't regained over longrests, and instead have to be purchased, crafted, or found, becoming a resources as precious as potions or magic items. Usually, players will just be fighting with their basic melee combat and martial applications, saving these powerful Spell Pouches in the backs of their pockets for when they really need them.

The actual spell lists for Martial Applications and Crafted Applications are still works in progress, so I can't display them here. I want to get some feedback on these ideas before I get too deep in these spell lists. What parts of this homebrew do you like? Do you think it achieves the goals I set out to achieve? What are parts that could be improved, and how? Are there any things that need clarification? Please, I desperately need help!!
TL;DR: I'm going to run a campaign where the players are being introduced to a whole new homebrewed magic system that they know nothing about, and will have to learn about the magic system and new spells as it goes on. Players use a resource called Energy Lvls instead of spell slots, which must be prepared with a bonus action before use and can be regained through an action called the Rest action, which does nothing but return the players' spent Energy Lvls at the start of next turn. Players will be introduced to a flexible soft magic system that I'll be managing with my own imagination, where they're able to cast spells either through martial arts routines (passing athletics/acrobatics checks to succeed on casting) like in ATLA, or by putting together ingredients for powerful spells in Spell Pouches that can be cast whenever, but cannot be regained as a resource.

[First]
CHAPTER 31
Lumiea
Year -19 (L.D.)

Despite her age, Aeryn did not often feel young. The fight to make it to Iyla and then to bond to her squad had consumed so much of her life that her world had narrowed, and with it time, so this cause she'd given so much for felt timeless and all-consuming. Her life had not been measured in years nor her years in months or days but in each battle she'd waged to make it to this point.
Petrin's eyes–brimming with the conviction of a man who knew more of the world than her–made her feel young and childish. Aeryn knew nothing.
She wanted to say she was fighting for Earth. When she'd stood in the Ceremony Hall at Iyla and looked up to see the image of Earth for the first time, Commander Vehru had told them they would liberate the planet from the plague of violence, poverty, and oppression that ruled the innocent people there. But then Vehru had also told her that fighting rebels protected her world.
Not once while hunting down rebels did Aeryn ever feel as if she protected anything.
So athough she did not know this man and had no reason to trust him, her heart recognized the truth in his words as one which had already been filling her heart day after bloody day as an Iylan soldier.
"You've seen it too." Petrin tilted his head to the side, studying her. "There's suffering in your eyes. You've seen the blood that soaks your uniform and stains your soul."
Wisdom from training tried to speak reason to her. Never trust the words of a captor during an interrogation. A basic, obvious truth. What if Vehru had been the real captor, though? And their entire world her hostage. Aeryn had devoted too much of herself to becoming a liberator of worlds for her to simply trust anyone. It was with her hands she pulled the trigger on Joon and took the last remnant of his wife, Rory, from his stiff grasp. Had Aeryn fought all this time for Vehru, herself, or liberation?
It wasn't a question she really needed to ask herself.
"You think there's hope for Earth?" Aeryn asked.
"The Ephemorian are human, no matter how advanced they are. Humans have weaknesses."
"What does the Witness do?"
Petrin lowered his gaze, seeming to think. "It's dangerous to share information and I've already given you so much. But then again, if I can't trust you, I have to kill you." Sorrow filled his eyes as he looked back up. "The knowledge will die with you in that case."
"Just tell me, please."
"You become Rory." He nodded. "Like her, I mean. Commander Vehru takes your memories from you and sends you ahead to Earth a decade before Liberation Day."
"Why? What purpose could it serve to take the memories?"
"Think about it. Why would Vehru want someone on the planet early?"
"To start working. She'd want someone to prepare the planet." Aeryn leaned back against the cold wall. "It lets them know there's life on another planet capable of reaching them."
"And?"
"And… I don't know. That it's not threatening? Because some amnesiac on an alien planet probably won't jump to world domination."
"You're halfway right. It is still threatening. How did this person get here? What happened to their memories? Did someone send them or were they running? Did they just take a wrong turn somewhere?" He leaned in. "The questions all come down to this. Who is out there? When there's no answer, something dangerous happens. Terror takes over. And terror left to fester for years desensitizes you to threat."
"Psychological warfare."
"You also can't spill her secrets if you don't remember them. Do you know what kind of person Vehru chooses as the Witness?"
Aeryn shook her head. "I imagine someone capable of helping her take over a planet."
"Vehru has plenty of soldiers to wage war and take the planet by force. The Witness does what no one else can. They earn trust."
A cold fist of dread squeezed Aeryn's stomach.
"That's why her Witnesses are kind, trusting, altruistic people. It's rare for someone like that to make it to Iyla, so the kind of person who ends up in a position like yours is also incredibly resilient. A perfect weapon. A wolf in sheep's clothing who actually believes they're a sheep."
"No." Aeryn shook her head. "I don't… I never would have wanted this program…" Her breath came in short spurts. The idea of having her memories taken, being abandoned on Earth, set up to unwittingly earn the trust of the people and soften them for Vehru's invasion–it was too much to think about. "Does it really work?"
"It does. It's not her only strategy. But it's a very effective one."
"We had a Witness on Lumiea then? How have we never heard of it?"
"Vehru decides what history records. Hell, she decides what our own minds remember."
"You're saying she wiped everyone's memory?"
"No. That's not necessary when you can control people in much simpler ways. I'm sure she resorted to that when she needed to, but when Commander Vehru forbids something from being mentioned, people dare not even think about it. You know this too well."
True. When had Aeryn realized they would not liberate Earth but conquer it? She hadn't allowed herself to think it, but she knew it was true before today.
Petrin sighed. "Vehru gives the memories back to the Witness when she's ready for them to have it. If you become the Witness, you won't be able to stop her from sending you or taking your memories. But if you plan beforehand, you'll regain your plans with your memories."
"If she can take memories, does it mean she can read them too?"
Petrin hesitated. "I don't know. We've suspected it, but from what my parents taught me and from what I've seen, it doesn't make sense. If Vehru could read minds, then she would have stopped a great many people from doing a great many things, including those whose memories she stole."
"Everything you're saying could be a lie."
"It could be. Vehru could also be lying. What's your truth? Do you even know?"
Her truth? Her heart was filled with a home long lost and a new family searching for her now. All Aeryn had wanted before was to get into the program. Now she just wanted to hold onto what she loved. Truth seemed too elusive to catch hold of.
"My truth is that you have me tied up in a basement."
"We could use Vehru's line and say we liberated you from her forces." His sly smile defied the seriousness of the situation. "I would rather tell the truth, though."
"So you want to influence the future Witness and kill those you can't sway. What makes you think Vehru will choose any of us after you've tampered with our minds?"
"Because she hasn't stopped us. You think we get away with anything without Vehru looking the other way? Maybe she really can read our minds and there's some grand purpose to all this. What I know is that my people are good. But no one is that good. She should have recaptured the Aerolux by now."
Another fucking trial. Vehru may not have planned this one but if she did know and just didn't stop it then she was testing her all over again. And if she really didn't know, then she was weaker than Aeryn thought.
"It sounds like there's as much hope for Earth as Lumiea," Aeryn said.
"Unless we can spread the message to all the Witnesses. Maybe one planet can't win against the Federation. What if we all fight? What if Earth is willing to fight for the next planet? And this is the first ring in a chain that will one day bind the Federation."
Aeryn caught herself smiling sadly. "You're an idealist."
"I–"
Screams and gunfire erupted up the stairs. Petrin ripped to his feet, turning.
A train had crashed right into the hideout. That was how loud the commotion was. Aeryn sat back against the wall and tried again to undo her bonds, wide eyes on the door as pounding footsteps grew louder and louder.
"Aeryn!" The voice exploded from the hallway just before a deafening crack erupted. "Aeryn!"
A large figure burst into the room, ripping the door clear off its hinges and throwing it against the wall in one smooth motion as if it was weightless. Jace looked like a stranger in that moment, a ferocious, feral stranger heavily modded and muscled. Aeryn had gotten so comfortable with him that she'd not really noticed what a threat he'd become.
The sight of him and his rage froze the room for a split second.
Jace jumped down the stairs and landed flat footed with his hand already curling around the neck of one of the shocked rebel soldiers. Her friend's familiar features twisted and hardened into a mask of rage.
How had he found her? Where were his guns?
The closest soldiers ran for him while the others trained their weapons. But Jace seemed unstoppable. He'd thrown the man he was holding against the splintered debris of the door and knocked away the next one with a single swing of his arm. The floor moaned and the room shook with the power of Jace's rampage, so the vibrations shot straight to Aeryn's heart. Guns fired, but Jace shot across the room with trails of his thrusters looking like smoke at his heels.
His shoulder rammed into one man. Fist rocketed into another's skull.
Red glowed from his palms as he flung himself toward two more rebels. Blasts from rebel laser guns popped like fireworks, but Jace moved so swiftly, she couldn't even tell if he'd been hit. Until one shot ripped his shoulder back in a spray of blood right as he grabbed the face of a rebel. Somehow, it didn't slow him down or seem to faze him. Jace slammed the man on the ground so hard he bounced.
He raised his hand toward the last woman, clasped his wrist to brace his arm, and blasted her with a beam of sparking electricity. His own arm jerked from the shock of the discharge.
With everyone else down, Jace twisted for Petrin, eyes as hard as when he first entered, and ready fists hazy with energy.
"No, Jace–" Aeryn shifted to block him but forgot about her bindings and nearly fell. "He has information. He helped me."
She worried that he hadn't heard her. Jace's stare remained locked on Petrin, but her friend had stopped moving. The room had stopped shaking. And Aeryn knew her words had reached him.
"Jace–"
"Weapons," he barked at Petrin.
The man slid everything across the floor, including his mods. Jace frisked him and then shoved him toward Aeryn.
"Release her." Jace's voice was as rough as sandpaper. "Now."
The fear emanated from Petrin like heat, but it hadn't made him tremble or cower. He'd gone silent with it. Silent and careful. Slowly, he lifted his thumb and pressed it against the pads on the restraints to unlock Aeryn's wrists and ankles.
Before she could even rise on her stiff legs, Jace rushed to her side and lifted her by her arms. Her feet hovered above the ground for a moment until he settled her down, the hardness on his face softening into worry. No. Not worry.
Fear.
"Are you hurt?" His eyes traveled down her body, hands gripping her arms tight.
"No. You're the one who's hurt." She reached for his shoulder but hesitated with her fingers close. "You know you got shot, right?"
Aeryn worried he'd gotten so lost in his rampage that he really had no idea.
"I can't really feel it," he said.
"You will soon. That's just your adrenaline. We need to stop the bleeding." This time, Aeryn ripped her arms away before he had the chance to move her again and plastered her palms against his wound, prying a grunt from his lips. "See? You felt that one."
Fingers–sticky with blood that had trailed from his shoulder and down his arm–lifted to her cheek and lightly grazed her skin. "I thought I'd find you dead. I thought…"
Aeryn couldn't draw in a breath. Her lungs were empty and her heart was pounding out of control from the sudden battle. Maybe from his eyes on her. Maybe from the way he'd roared her name. Maybe from how afraid she'd been, too, that he wouldn't make it out of here alive.
Jace hooked his arm around her waist and clutched her against his chest. There was nothing to separate them. What if he felt how wildly her heart beat? Aeryn bit her lip, neither drawing her arms around him nor pushing him away. Just resting against him as he embraced her.
Still holding her, Jace turned his head toward Petrin, who'd had the good sense not to move or speak.
"Tell me everything," Jace said. Pain laced his voice now. "Otherwise, you die."
Petrin's glossy eyes had a faraway look. "You killed them all."
"You took Aeryn." Jace offered no apology, but her heart was breaking now as she allowed herself to register the blood splattered across the floor.
"I had decided not to kill her if that's any consolation," Petrin said.
"Motherfucker," Jace said.
"Say what you need to say, Petrin." Aeryn cast him a look of warning.
Some of the blood on the ground belonged to Jace. She had to stop the bleeding, not get distracted by guilt. Where was his bag with the medical supplies she needed? He had nothing. No weapons or equipment. What the hell happened? She glanced at his fuel to see it was almost empty.
Aeryn pulled her long-sleeved shirt off, leaving her chilled in her tank top, and wrapped it around Jace's wound. He gasped when she tied it tightly. His shoulder slumped now, his breath more ragged. Surely someone had a patch. She'd have to hunt one down.
"Lumiea's Witness was my grandmother," Petrin said, eyes on Aeryn. This stopped her in her tracks before she could look for a patch. "When she regained her memories, she warned Lumiea not to give in. Vehru let her. Said every world deserved a Witness they could trust. But it wasn't the same for her husband. If he didn't fight for Vehru, then my grandmother would die." Petrin nodded. "They fought on opposite sides of the war. He died toward the end. My grandmother fell for another soldier who decided to hide here on Lumiea. My grandfather. They came to understand that my grandmother's rebellion had played into Vehru's hands. They'd fought a physical war, not a psychological one."
Aeryn swallowed hard. "What are you trying to say?" She could tell he danced around something.
"I invited you here," Petrin said to Jace. "Surely, you didn't think you made it here before Vehru on your own."
By the knowing look on Jace's face it was clear there was much more to this story, and perhaps an explanation as to why he had so little with him.
Petrin's voice lowered. "I'd thought we would take you down but clearly I underestimated your abilities, even though you're so fresh of a soldier." He looked to his fallen comrades again. "I wanted to know who would fight the hardest for Aeryn. Who cared about her the most. Because the Witness Program isn't just about the Witness. It's about who they leave behind." Tears brimmed in his eyes. "Just my luck that you two are so dangerous together."
Aeryn recognized the conviction shining bright in Petrin's eyes. Before she even saw his hand shift to press deeply against his eyes, or heard his roar start to form, she shoved Jace hard toward the door, her instinct screaming danger.
But with all of Jace's mods and enhancements, he was faster than she could hope to be. Instead of taking the precious split second to save himself, he wrapped his arms around Aeryn and flipped her away from Petrin.
As they lunged forward, a sledgehammer of heat slammed into them. The sound followed, a real explosion this time. A deafening roar even more angry than Jace screaming her name.
Her own scream was lost to the noise. Her body scraped against the ground and slid until it felt all of her skin had burned off her back. A crushing weight squeezed the breath from her lungs.
Then a chilling quiet.
[First] [Last] [Royal Road] [Discord]

Right now helmets are completely cosmetic. It would be great if, in addition to stat changes, they had their own unique passives or even active skills. It could add another layer of complexity to builds. Some examples:

• night vision/infrared vision - great for seeing through smoke, stalkers, and far off targets, but you could balance it with limited FOV and overheat mechanic
• Predicted impact zone for stratagems/predicted grenade arcs - better planning, but could off set it by introducing hallucinations/bugs if helmet takes damage
• respirator - immunity to gas but increased stamina drain
• muffler - make less sound but increased stamina drain
• sweatband - mitigates stamina drain effect on hot planets/increases stamina drain on cold planets
• flash/glare goggles - mitigates visual effects from flashes (EMS/stuns) and glare, although everything is darker

https://www.whosampled.com/sample/1144485/%C2%A5$-Kanye-West-Ty-Dolla-$ign-BURN-Band-of-Thieves-Love-Me-or-Leave-Me/
https://www.whosampled.com/Band-of-Thieves/Love-Me-or-Leave-Me/sampled/
so with this recent Kanye song 'Burn' at 0:27 of the OG sample: Was there a similar "sample neighbor" of this where another song basically has the same chord progression of those same notes, but played by a completely different band and/or a different song?
i am getting vague memory shreds of a rapper from Queens basically had the same 4-second sample loop but it was just the chords isolated, looped hypnotically with the soul infused pit of the stomach feeling, where i'm getting visuals of the rapper with some smoke effects before a moving window pane with extra glare in deep reflection as he writes down his contemplations. not nas, maybe mobb deep or another uncleared sample mixtape rapper like nature/cormega/AZ/CoC or even a wutang affiliate on an obscure bootleg compilation album (like u-god's king toast queen, etc) with the same timestamp flip of the sample or different 'sample neighbor' but with basically the same chord progression isolated (the 'sample neighbor' should be decently famous as if it was put on the Jackie Brown OST and from like '97, not just a recent crate finding). my mind thought of maybe 50's 'position of power' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACJ8L66iCGI but more i listen to the instrumental, the more it doesn't match and yet gives a similar hypnotic feeling...in terms of how the recorded notes sounded like, it's similar to rakim's - we all got plans https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDcu4lgSq5Y
i remember the notes were exaggerated in it's soul flavor where the notes felt like they were forcibly pressed to the bottom of the piano key so the notes 'jet out' giving the chord progression an extra old school grand piano oomph played by a self-trained pianist, where it feels like an off-kilter and spooky rendition when you drop from the high notes to the low notes to this depravity hunger-feeling pit in the gut where there are uneasy silences paired with lingering note contemplations before the notes loops back again giving you a discomfort without the handrails that the notes were always there to guide you (like millkbone's keep it real https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQbJJFab468), as if you lost your trail in the woods, just for the notes to come back stumbling into the loop -type feeling...where it's been so long that i don't remember any of the lyrics or who was on it or if it was just a beat tape or blend on some forgotten rap documentary and not smoothed-over like this glossy pop hip hop flip that kanye did -- and it was played much slower as well closer to the sample's tempo...that's the best i can explain the feeling, and you can tell it's been bothering me, thanks

https://www.whosampled.com/sample/1144485/%C2%A5$-Kanye-West-Ty-Dolla-$ign-BURN-Band-of-Thieves-Love-Me-or-Leave-Me/
https://www.whosampled.com/Band-of-Thieves/Love-Me-or-Leave-Me/sampled/
so with this recent Kanye song 'Burn' at 0:27 of the OG sample: Was there a similar "sample neighbor" of this where another song basically has the same chord progression of those same notes, but played by a completely different band and/or a different song?
i am getting vague memory shreds of a rapper from Queens basically had the same 4-second sample loop but it was just the chords isolated, looped hypnotically with the soul infused pit of the stomach feeling, where i'm getting visuals of the rapper with some smoke effects before a moving window pane with extra glare in deep reflection as he writes down his contemplations. not nas, maybe mobb deep or another uncleared sample mixtape rapper like nature/cormega/AZ/CoC or even a wutang affiliate on an obscure bootleg compilation album (like u-god's king toast queen, etc) with the same timestamp flip of the sample or different 'sample neighbor' but with basically the same chord progression isolated (the 'sample neighbor' should be decently famous as if it was put on the Jackie Brown OST and from like '97, not just a recent crate finding). my mind thought of maybe 50's 'position of power' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACJ8L66iCGI but more i listen to the instrumental, the more it doesn't match and yet gives a similar hypnotic feeling...in terms of how the recorded notes sounded like, it's similar to rakim's - we all got plans https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDcu4lgSq5Y
i remember the notes were exaggerated in it's soul flavor where the notes felt like they were forcibly pressed to the bottom of the piano key so the notes 'jet out' giving the chord progression an extra old school grand piano oomph played by a self-trained pianist, where it feels like an off-kilter and spooky rendition when you drop from the high notes to the low notes to this depravity hunger-feeling pit in the gut where there are uneasy silences paired with lingering note contemplations before the notes loops back again giving you a discomfort without the handrails that the notes were always there to guide you (like millkbone's keep it real https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQbJJFab468), as if you lost your trail in the woods, just for the notes to come back stumbling into the loop -type feeling...where it's been so long that i don't remember any of the lyrics or who was on it or if it was just a beat tape or blend on some forgotten rap documentary and not smoothed-over like this glossy pop hip hop flip that kanye did -- and it was played much slower as well closer to the sample's tempo...that's the best i can explain the feeling, and you can tell it's been bothering me, thanks

TLDR: Non-diabetic Black woman in her late 30s with unexplained hypoglycemia. Insulinoma, Addison's disease, malabsorption all ruled out. Full writeup moved to end of post.
Height: 5'4
Weight: 52kg
Age: 37
Sex assigned at birth: F
Geographic region(s) your ancestors are from: Africa
Medications: Propranolol (tremors, as needed) Bisoprolol (tremors, as needed) Pantoprazole (GERD, as needed) Amitryptiline 10mg (post-prandial headaches, at bedtime) Escitalopram 10mg (PMDD, 10 days a month) Lemborexant (insomnia, as needed) Salbutamol inhaler (asthma, as needed)
Simplified Symptoms list: Headaches Nausea Trouble remembering words
Health background: GERD Mild asthma Essential tremor Insomnia Premenstrual dysphoric disorder
Family history: Hypertension (paternal+maternal) Diabetes (paternal) Glaucoma (paternal)
Other information: No caffeine, alcohol, or smoking Regular physical activity (15km/week running, 2h/week resistance training, walking to work)
Diagnostics: 72 hour fast: low insulin, low c-peptide Mixed meal test: no hypoglycemia recorded after drinking Ensure No insulin antibodies Normal IGF2/IGF1 Normal abdominal/pelvic CT Test for malabsorption: Albumin, ferritin, vit B12, protein, iron TIBC all normal
Background: I have been having recurring headaches, nausea and memory issues for several months to years, originally attributed to migraines. Ibuprofen never provided any relief, but Gravol usually worked. A random blood glucose test one time in early 2023 indicated 2.1mmol, but I did not follow up at the time because I considered myself to be generally healthy.
One day in Nov. 2023 I once again had intense nausea and headaches at work. A blood glucose check revealed <3mmol shortly after a meal. My condition worsened until my colleagues called 911 because I was starting to become unresponsive when they talked to me. In the ambulance and the ER, repeated oral glucose and IV D50 administration had only limited short-term effects, with my glucose levels quickly dropping back to the 2-3mmol range within minutes. IV Dextrose throughout the night slowly stabilized me to around 6mmol the next morning.
Ever since then, I have been closely monitoring my blood glucose (finger prick and Dexcom), and I keep having 2-3mmol episodes multiple times every day. After meals, my glucose levels drop back to their lows within 2-3 hours, and sometimes food does not help at all. These episodes are accompanied by headaches, nausea, and trouble remembering words. They usually occur during the day but rarely at night. They are more manageable when I spend leisurely days off, and more pronounced when I'm at work.
I have been seeing an endocrinologist and a dietitian for a few months now. Changing to either a low-carb or a high-carb diet has had only very limited effect. Bloodwork during a 72h fast indicated that my hypoglycemia is non-hyperinsulinemic. An abdominal CT scan did not show any abnormalities. ACTH stimulation revealed no adrenal insufficiency. No signs of malabsorption.
My doctors and I are at our wits' end. I hope that someone here has some more thoughts about what else might be going on. Please let me know if you need any more info.

Hi, I'm really looking for a place to rent. I don't really have any friends who are my own and not through SO (I moved to his hometown) and I feel like people here may understand better.
I'm (26F) just so tired of SO (29M) acting so childish and as if he's right all the time. Every conversation is an argument in his eyes, I try to discuss something and he says "I don't even know why we're arguing!!" And I say, "it's not an argument I'm just talking?" And he says "nope it IS an argument". And he's always going on about my tone...when I hear myself speak I sound calm and collected and I even ask him to explain my tone or what I said with that tone and he dodges the question or says "I don't even remember!" But blames all of the way he treats me on my "tone".
He raises his voice, occasionally slams doors, mocks me, calls me names, curses, talks over me constantly then if I do it back shouts that he's not going to continue talking if I don't stop interrupting him (a tactic he loves to use so he can ditch the "argument" at any given time and say oh no sorry YOU were acting this way so I'm leaving) says things to push my buttons and then literally RUNS out the door to the shed to have a smoke???
And when I call him out on his treatment to me he either blames it all on me and says yeah because you were doing this, you were saying this, you were making me feel like this, you were implying this, your tone made me act this way....to which I usually respond that I can't and didn't MAKE him feel or do anything and I was just speaking or asking him a question..and then he loses his mind and says "why don't you just admit that you're wrong and what I'm saying is right and maybe you were being x way to me?" Like he just wants me to say oh yes, I was definitely talking to you in a tone that purposely made you feel like an AH I'm so sorry you're so right??? But doesn't take responsibility for HIS words and actions, blames them all on me. He also, when he runs out of ways to blame me, resorts to saying stuff like, "ok well I guess IM the asshole, I guess IM the bad guy" and I call him out and say that's such an extreme jump...
If he wants something and I don't immediately say yes, absolutely (like, I ask questions about it) he blows up. He can't stand when I don't just say yes. He will either excessively ask me, like a child, "why not? Why can't I do/have this? I want to do this. Why not? Why can't I?" Until I either lose it and shout for him to stop it and then he makes me the bad guy, or I cave and say fine just do it..or he completely just starts shouting extreme things like tonight...he wanted to use my crafting resin on our laminate floor tiles because one is sticking up and he wants to use it to "glue" it down...I asked questions like, do you understand resin is self leveling it doesn't just stay in one spot like glue? And how will we keep the kids off the floor ALL DAY? and I also even said "I am not saying no but I'd like to think about this because I'm not sure it's the BEST solution" to which he huffed, ran out the door and as he was running said "you can feed the kids dinner and put them to bed tonight I'm leaving" I said "where you going??" He said "anywhere but here". Then came back 10 minutes later and said he was annoyed cause LAST TIME HE ALREADY ASKED ME THIS I said no, which I did cause I said I don't think this will work the way you're imagining it. He has never worked with resin ever and I work with resin every single day for my work??? He threw an absolute FIT for hours because I didn't just say "yes". I even told him I'm NOT saying no I would just like to really think about it for ONE day. And he lost his mind???
I'm just at a complete loss.....I've been doing therapy every week and working on myself so much over the past year.. I've learned how to communicate effectively, calmly and regulate my emotions, which I realllly struggled with before. He has not changed one bit. It is so exhausting changing into a new person and still dealing with him being so childish and not willing to change at all, too....
And couples counseling is absolutely no. He says no, no, no. Doesn't want to take advice "from a quack" lol....In all honesty I think he doesn't want someone to tell him that I just might be right and he's really the asshole sometimes. He's even said "they won't get the full story" which I think means, they may favour you over me which I can't have! I have a psychology degree so I actually compiled some quick lil questionnaires that we do and then discuss at the end of the week and it was going SO well....we were communicating so well and it felt like we were finally moving forward TOGETHER. But then he just stops, and goes back to acting like a man child. On top of it being completely annoying, I'm beyond unattracted to him when he stomps around and mocks me and shouts, it's just so gross.
I really don't know what to do....Am I wrong? He says I'm the one manipulating him, pushing his buttons, MAKING him act this way...I'm not sure how and feel like he is gaslighting me but maybe I am...I have no idea what to think anymore. I am so drained!!!
Ps, if anyone has any idea about the flooring/resin issue please enlighten me on your thoughts cause I'm so open to that, too lol.

I finally was able to get diagnosed and go on meds and my psychiatrist started me off with Vyvanse but because of the shortage she will be switching me to adderall once I’m done with the Vyvanse so I’m still in the trial and error phase but so far… Day 1 was where I REALLY felt the difference. Actually had energy. Got a bunch of stuff done easily. But after that it just became less and less effective. I started with 10mg and she told me if one pill didn’t work take 2 so I did that and it’s still not really helping. I definitely feel energy. I skipped for 2 days just to see and those 2 days on default mode were exhausting. But even with 20mg I’m having more and more trouble again with focusing, carrying out tasks. This is the second day I’ve been stuck in bed like I was before medication. I’m not exhausted but the executive function is still not executing. In fact I’m even getting more stuck in my head. I caught myself sitting for almost an hour doing nothing but thinking. My brain never stops but I usually can multitask with it. I got stuck in the bathroom and when I got out the bathroom I got stuck at my desk for an hour. Yesterday I took 10mg again just to see if maybe 20mg was too much but one pill now is defiant just all together ineffective. The consistent effect has been finally having a good sleep schedule and having energy. But the more days go by the more I’m having a mental block of doing things and am getting stuck. Im seeing the psych for a follow up next week so i will definitely mention all this to her but i just wanted to know if anyone else had this issue and wether its dosage, kind of drug or a matter of motivation?
Edit: ive also stopped getting the come down head aches too idk if that means anything but yeah. Also I would probably replace not working in the title with not as effective

What is "Stellpunk"?
Stellpunk or "Starpunk" is a science fiction aesthetic that centers around a future whose energy source is primarily or solely solar power with other forms of energy - nuclear, hydrocarbon, wind, water, geothermal - being either excluded or relegated to niche situations/technologies. But to sustain an entire planet or continent takes a space-based micro constellation that collects and beams the now concentrated energy back to planetside for use and consumption. As the civilization becomes dependent on solar power, it becomes more like the hydraulic empires of old, levying vast sums of people to produce, control, maintain, and replace the space solar panels and rest a large part of its legitimacy on its ability to regulate the diffuse sunlight into something useful.
Governments tend to have an authoritarian streak even when nominally democratic, and wars over micro constellations, resources, and asteroids as well as favored Lagrange points are not unheard of.
Religion
Can range from atheist to theocratic, but a certain regard for the sun of a planet, and for stars in general should exist. Many religions should either be vaguely or outright heliocentric and can range from something more philosophical to outright sun worship with every star being considered a god.
General Aesthetics and Vibes
Heavy focus on batteries in various shapes and sizes that can power an intrastellar spacecraft, solar panels (golden foils, more industrial-looking slate grey ones), nearly all technology in society is electrified, and sun and star iconography is commonplace in various stylizations such as murals, jewelry, etc. There should be a sense of where exactly the energy is coming from that powers a sci fi civilization with the benefits, infrastructure, and limitations be visible for all to see.
How is this different than Solarpunk?
Both stellpunk and solarpunk revolve around the idea that exploiting solar power has led humanity to a more sustainable future and does far less (or none at all) harm to the environment than using fossil fuels. However solarpunk is primarily utopian, whereas stellpunk is more grounded and more gritty. Conflict, inequality, and the average quirks and wrinkles of life are still very much present and one must still earn their keep. One could argue that it has dystopian shades in that having successfully harnessed solar power, society is in effect self-perpetuating and that human greed and other faults can continue on indefinitely.
Very little smoke, smog, or other air pollutants even in cities, massive megacities and sleepy little hamlets all powered by a star.
Thoughts?

Tl;dr she’s had a rough childhood which had manifested in a lot of toxic behaviors she has trouble taking accountability for. I tried to stick it out for our kids but I just don’t want to anymore.
I had a similar (now deleted) post here before where I was trying to be a lot more, uh, impartial. It didn’t really get much traction, possibly because I posted at like, midnight, probably because I ramble a lot and am stupid/boring af, so I figured I’d lay out more of my perspective and see what people think. Also, sorry for a really long text dump. I am shit at being concise and this has been bottled up for a long time.
Basically, I(30m) have decided to leave my (31f) wife because of her anger issues and constantly making me feel unsupported/unimportant. We’ve been married for almost 9 years, and have two kids, 8 and 5. This entire time, I’ve been dealing with her and being on the receiving end of often really bad emotional outbursts. Sometimes directed at me, other times directed at our kids. Often times even little things will set her off extremely disproportionately to whatever “offense” actually occurred. She has a habit of also being really crass and not considerate of people around her. I do need to note that she DOES work really hard taking care of the house and stuff she’s not without effort on her part. I work a lot more and handle getting kids to appointments and stuff, but she puts in probably more than her fair share of housework. I get that this totally comes across as “Local deadbeat offended for being called out.” And I get that. In the beginning I deserved a lot of what I got. I wouldn’t blame anyone for still pinning this on me. I might if I were a third party. I’ve even had my own fair share of anger issues over the years that I’ve taken out in people who don’t deserve it, kids included, but for what it’s worth, it feels like a result of this situation. I’m not normally an angry person, and this is the same sort of anger that would swell up dealing with my at the time major asshole of a younger brother in our youth.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve had faults in the past, and in both my old post and now, I don’t want to downplay her concerns/needs/boundaries and whatnot, but the responses often don’t feel proportional. She’s also had a rough childhood and by her own admission is just mirroring what she knows as parenting from her childhood. Many things have improved tremendously overtime, but not everything, and I don’t really want to wait another decade to see if things are finally at what I’d consider an acceptable level.
For instance, I am a gamer. I know the sort of mental picture that paints, and I’ll admit I wasn’t great in the past. We got married in college and I always had roommates, so I hadn’t mentally adjusted to being responsible as a husband. Totally my bad. Sometimes I would spend way too much time over at a friend’s, late into the night without really updating her on plans, because I didn’t really have one. Other times, I would ask permission to take part in a raid, and be very upfront about the fact that it would take multiple hours. Instead of asking when I’d be done, or for an update or anything, she’d just shout at me that she had been waiting for several hours.
Again, can’t really fault her here too much. We both could have communicated better, and I could have been more responsible with my time. The thing that frustrates me is that she has suggested stuff like trying to make a schedule or set aside time for either family days, or personal days ahead of time. Makes tons of sense. However, it’s a two person job. I can’t do it alone. This is where the stuff that frustrates me starts to come in. There is a lot of “wanting her cake and eating it too” or “rules for thee but not for me” that started to happen. She would suggest trying to plan out a weekly schedule, but because I worked fast food at the time, I had an inconsistent schedule. Not great, but workable. If we wanted to make a schedule, we totally could but it would have required us to sit down and work it out each week. She refused because “it was too much and she just can’t handle it.”
Ok, ALSO fair enough I suppose. It’s my job causing issues. More than fair that she has issue with that. What I found NOT ok, was her taking that and eventually threatening me with a lawyer (At a future point after we’d discussed separating at some point) saying, “Well you should really put in the effort to actually make a schedule, because what would a lawyer think of that?”
From there it just revolves into pettier and pettier things, like being upset at me for not changing out of my work uniform right away, but then also stalling me trying to talk about daily stuff and then yelling at me if I ask if I can change first, because I’m trying to ignore her. She is frustrated because she doesn’t really get days off, which is sort of true. I try to organize times for her to take a day off, but she declines saying she needs to spent time with our kids. I try to arrange zoo trips or something with our kids, and she’ll lag around until 10am, and then while only wearing a shirt and underwear, yell at all of us for not getting into the car to leave.
She’s been in individual counseling, and we’ve tried couple’s counseling, and the one consistent theme is how her mental bucket it always empty and I never do anything to help her. To some degree that is probably true, but I feel she also has a really hard time accepting help, or she digs her own grave half the time. Everything feels very binary with her. Someone has to be right, and if someone is right, then someone else is wrong. She also has to always be right, meaning I am always wrong. She can’t see any nuance to things. Why can’t we both be right or wrong?
Throughout all this time, my main problem has never been her lashing out or anything. I totally get that I cause this half the time. What I take issue with is her not taking accountability for her actions. I’ll bring something to her attention that was upsetting and I’ll get the classic “Well I’m sorry you feel that way.” No actual apology, even in the times where I am undeniably in the right.
She’ll also do stuff like walk into a situation and react in anger without actually bothering to figure out what was going on. One time, she asked a buddy to set up a portable AC unit when our main AC went down. He didn’t realize there was an outer double window that needed to be opened to vent heat outside, meaning the exhaust was effectively clogged. He did this whole setup while I was at work. I came home to find him getting ready to test which outlets were connected to what breaker, because one kept tripping. We were working on that when she came home and found the window. She proceeded to scream at me for almost ten minutes about how I almost broke the unit despite telling her numerous times I had absolutely nothing to do with the set up. Her response? “Well you were here, so clearly you had something to do with it.”
I also just don’t feel like she even wants me around half the time. The above sort of things makes me feel like the only reason I’m there is to do chores. Early on I expressed how I don’t want to be in a relationship where I am treated like this, the implication being that I want us to improve things. She just told me to walk out the door then, if that’s what I wanted. She did similar a few times throughout the years as well. Up until recently I have never actually mentioned divorce, but she keeps throwing in my face that I always just want to leave. There’s tons of other things like saying “If you wanted to be a real dad you’d do X” or “A real man would Y.” She even was talking shit about me to a friend who called while we were driving somewhere, while I was sitting right next to her, saying she was annoyed because her yelling upset me.
Even through ALL of that, I might not care, because again, things HAVE gotten better. But our kids get stuck in the crossfire too. She constantly yells at them over little things. Screaming and saying stuff lights she’s gonna beat their asses if they don’t listen. She’ll yell at them anywhere if they annoy her, even in public, and she doesn’t care if I try to bring up how that looks to onlookers.
It all culminated last October when we were visiting some family. I was downstairs with our kid who was sick at the time, and she yelled at our older kid for something. I don’t know the exact circumstances because I wasn’t in the room, but apparently my aunts confronted her accusing her of being abusive to the kids. She shut down and basically made us leave right away the next morning. She also yelled at me for not feeding sick kid because “He needs to eat something or his blood sugar can tank and he’ll end up in the hospital. Do you want that?”
Except he DID eat something. He had improved a bit throughout the day and went with me and my parents to Mt. Rushmore and had some ice cream and stuff. That’s ignoring the fact that sleeping and not eating for an afternoon will not kill him. She would have known he ate if she either went sightseeing with us, or bothered to ask, but she just assumed. She stayed home and rested because he was tossing and turning in the night, waking her frequently. I get that, but also, I had been up late into the night smoking a brisket, and I still got up and went.
It’s just tons and tons of little things like this, where I can sort of see why she’s frustrated, and so I don’t really feel justified in wanting to leave for my own selfishness. I was definitely not even mostly attentive early on, but I feel like I have learned and improved where it matters. I just am burned out and don’t want to maintain the relationship anymore. I’ve been staying in a separate room for a while, and even though we have officially legally done anything yet, and I haven’t moved out fully, I’ve been considering whether I want to ask someone out on a date. That’s how far done I am, though I KNOW I’d be the asshole if I went that far at this stage.
So, Reddit, am I overreacting? Have I made dug my own grave and need to deal with it?

My relationship with my mother has always been difficult. Though we have gotten along superficially for the last few years, there have been multiple instances of extended lengths of time where we did not speak to each other, ranging from a few months to just under 3 years. My mother has now been sober for 2 years, but for most of my life she was a volatile alcoholic who in my early years neglected me much of the time, not in my physical needs but by either being gone, devoting her entire focus to her boyfriends, or being checked out and locking herself in her bathroom when she was home. In my teen years she ended up settling down with my step father, so while she was physically present much more often she changed into a very contemptuous, dismissive, and mocking presence in the home and she was frequently getting into huge fights with my step father and me. I became the scapegoat for much of their marital discord and for various self inflicted stresses they faced. I went from being a pretty bright honors student with a pretty secure future to ultimately dropping out, using drugs, entering multiple psychiatric 3-day-stays, and sort of going crazy and being homeless for a few years. She has expressed how she recognizes that her ways of parenting me were dysfunctional and she has expressed regret over the stuff from my early years, and as a result she has made a complete 180 shift in how she is with my sister.
A few months ago my mom asked that I pick my sister up from school on mondays and tuesday because my stepfather was working out of town and those were the days that she was unable to pick my sister up herself. I happily accepted, and very soon after this arrangement I started noticing that my sister, who I already recognized as being over protected and sheltered, was displaying some concerning deficits in developmentally "normal" areas.
We were at hobby lobby, and while in line to pay I handed her my debit card and told her I needed to schedule an uber and that I'd be out front by the entrance. She shook her head no and said she couldn't do it and that she didn't want to. I was confused but I recognized she was scared. I told her that she was 15, she was almost and adult and that she would be fine and if she didn't know what to do the cashier would help her. She was almost in tears when I walked back into the store after feeling guilty for leaving her. There was another instance of this when we were at subway and she had to order her own sandwich. She's at the age where she can start the process of getting her learners permit, but she has ZERO INTEREST IN GETTING HER LICENSE. My mom told me she had brought it up to my sister but my sister declined her offer to enroll her. Overall I have noticed my sister has literally zero confidence in herself, she has no experience with the outside world, she is fearful and negative toward her own peer group, and has no interest in becoming her own person, as a typical teenager would be jonesing for. She rarely spends time with friends, but does spend time with kids her age when my parents visit their friends among their own peer group who have same aged children. But friends that my sister made organically from school? Maybe a few visits a year. her birthday and sometimes for her best friends birthday. other than that she sits at home alone in her room while my stepdad sits in the garage drinking and chain smoking while using tik tok and my mom is either working or sits in her own bedroom watching tv. They baby her at home, and she hears my stepdads highly judgmental and negative world view that people are dangerous and out to get you, or she hears my moms disdain at the thought of speaking to literally anyone because my mother has pretty severe social anxiety that she saves face with by displaying this like "Oh gross...people!" vibe. My sister seemed very uninterested in meeting people from school, and when I asked about whether she had made new friends since starting high school she told me that she had not because she knew that people in her class were thinking mean things of her so she didn't even speak at school. I am naturally optimistic, an extrovert, and find attunement with others easy. I was troubled by hearing this belief that she carried, and was frustrated at her rigidity and closed mindedness at what I was saying to her about this belief she held.
So, when she told me a few weeks ago that she had a bf I was ECSTATIC for her, because for the first time since I had picked her up I had seen her SMILING and HAPPY from a deep place and acting like a regular happy kid. A few visits later, after picking her up multiple times and seeing the same wet-noodle of a boy walking her to the car, I asked her why she never hung out with her friends after school, and she said because she didn't want to because there was nothing to do around here. I told her that when I or my fiancé hung out with our friends we do not make an event of it, we just hang out and enjoy each others time and company. she kind of blew me off, so I said, "well if you ever want to hang out with your friends when I have to pick you up feel free. I just thought it sounded like a lot more fun than having to be locked in a car with your sister who never shuts up". the next day that i picked her up she asked if i could come back for her because she wanted to hang out with her bf and her friend. It was great!! I was so happy and proud because around this time I seriously saw a change in how she was responding to certain things, and how her general attitude seemed to be more relaxed and positive.
A few weeks went by where i hadn't seen her with her bf or any of her friends after school, and I noticed she was kind of getting back into her negative world view and fearful of things. I suggested that after school on mondays and tuesdays, she walk with her bf toward his house and i just pick her up from an elementary school that she said he lived close to. This elementary school is .9 miles from her school, on the same main street as her school. I thought this would be a nice dose of independence for her and time to be with her own peer group. She kind of responded in a way that was similar to when I had suggested her hanging out with her friends. I think a "ohhya-huh" and a shrug with nothing said after. So the next day when it was time for me to head to her school, I texted her and told her to meet me at the elementary school, like we had discussed. 15 minutes went by and no response. i texted her and asked if she got my text. she said she did. i asked where she was at, and she told me (she was still at the top edge of her high school). I asked if she was with her bf and after a little while she said no, that he had gone home early. i told her to use google maps to drop a pin of where she was at and that i'd be right over. She was half a mile from her school, literally .5 miles, when i picked her up.
She walked up to the car and i can tell she wasn't happy. My mom tells me my sister is lazy, though i dont interact with her enough to know that to be true. She just seems like a kid who doesn't have much to do other than video games/tik tok. She got in the car and asked why I made her walk. I told her I was sorry because i thought she would be with her bf and i just wanted her to get to spend some time with her bf. her phone rang, and it was my mom. i saw my sisters face as she answered and i recognized the look of someone trying not to cry. I could her my mom on the phone and it sounded like she was consoling her. (like my poor baby type of language). i asked to speak to my mom, and when i answered my mom was angry asking why i made her walk. i told her that i was trying to let her get some time with her bf because i felt it would be a good opportunity for her to get some normal time as a teenager. her anger combined with her gently consoling my sister struck a nerve in me. I hold a lot of jealousy at the ways she is being raised versus the way i was raised, specifically in the amount of care, attention, and concern they give her. this isn't directed at my sister but it resonates with my mother. For reference, when I was barely older than her I was getting out of work at 11 PM and would walk 3 miles to get home. I felt that jealousy, and said, "do you not have any shame about how you are treating her versus how you treated me?" i apologized for the outburst, but my moms negetive tone in her response hit me again and a big emotional flood of me crying about how ridiculous and unfair it was that she was acting like i mistreated my sister for her walking half a mile when she treated me like literal dog shit at her age. i pulled into the driveway, still crying and apologizing for my outbursts as they were happening, still feeling the word vomit of more outbursts. i got off the phone and went to my guestroom and called my bf crying. i shut the door, and the conversation was like 5 minutes long, but iwa sjsut crying about how i felt so worthless and unimportant to my mom. i got off the phone, walked into the living room, i told my sister i was going to get cigarettes from th gas station and that i'd be back in 5 minutes.
I left the gas station, which is 1.1 miles from my house and drove home. As i turned onto my street I saw my mothers car pulling out of my driveway. She had left work and driven to my house to drive my sister home. As we approached each other on the street, i stopped wanting to know what was going on and she ignored me and drove on, I was a flood of emotions and called her wondering what happened. She said that she had to keep my sister safe because she didn't want me arguing with my sister. This broke my heart and led to me sobbing on the phone while trying to explain that I was deeply hurt by that because I held my sister in such high regard and how I'd never do that. She's my little sister, and I loved her and I would never be mean to her or take things out on her. My mom didn't say anything and I cried about how unfair the way she was treating me in this situation was compared to the level of care, softness, and nurturing she was showing her.
I got off the phone and entered into a violent sobbing panic attack. I have had 4 instances of this violent heartbreak type of sobbing since living in my home, and all 4 times were due to my mother. She has caused me so much pain in my life, and in recent years she has wounded me when I turn to her for emotional support. She will either reject me with a demoralizing, belittling, dismissive, and contemptuous comment or outright ignore/stonewall me.
I have come to believe that she must resent me. I am accepting that she will not be the mother that I wish she was, she is and always was self serving and uninterested in the ways that she affected me or what/how i was doing. I accept this, and have been open to the idea of never speaking to her again, because although we are superficially fine, every 6-8 months something happens that rips open this very deep and painful wound in me and I am left sobbing while angrily seething on my floor between breaths that I hate her. I cry until i fall asleep and when i wake up my eyes are so swollen shut that i can barely see. I don't truly hate her, but it's the rejection and disappointment that I feel that in that moment feels like hate. I am open to never speaking to her again, but my little sister guys. My beautiful, sweet, bratty, spoiled, sensitive, manipulative little sister who I love SO GOD DAMN MUCH. I love her so deeply, and the only reason I am still in contact with my mom is because I love my sister so much. But I can't handle the deep and turbulent lows that I feel in dealing with my mother, and I also am left fearing at how this has effected my sisters trust in me. I feel that by my mother consoling her as she did (like the whole "oh my poor baby" thing) and leaving work to pick her up validated the notion in my sisters head that NOT ONLY was walking .5 miles after school unfair treatment, and that her outrage was justified, but that I had done that TO HER, and that I was an unsafe and dangerous person, because she actually left work to come pick her up from my house. I am heartbroken and don't know what to do.
TLDR: Mom acted like I abused my infantilized sister for making her walk half a mile, and acted like i was a danger to her afterwards. I am conflicted at whether to finally cut contact with her after a lifetime of contempt, rejection, and dismissiveness from her but do not want to abandon my little sister. What do you feel I should do? I'm not sure what I should do here.