Pill extraction ephedrine got the amines

April 15th
https://preview.redd.it/mso0v9tyq91d1.png?width=282&format=png&auto=webp&s=59fd49b3f729380a2c6e20490d0bc27346fb0516
Report says:
-Reduction of the lumbar lordosis
-No observed alteration on the lumbar metamers
-Reduced l5-s1 disc space
-Congenital schisis of s1 posterior arc.
*I'm waiting for MRI*
Would you push for surgery? How bad does this look? Any similar experiences?
Back pain started 3 years ago but wasn't that bad. First sciatica flare up was in october, it cleared in a couple of days but I got a new one every 3 weeks, each time was worse and longer lasting than the one before.
I didn't seek medical advice at first because my symptoms were easily manageable without pain killers and avoiding sitting too much. I was completely ignorant about herniated discs, I have to thank this page for teaching me about all of this .
Fast forward to my second worst flare up (April 15th) I had an X-ray because the pain became barely manageable without pain killers. The week after I went to a doctor but since the pain was reduced by 80% they told me to avoid lifting heavy stuff, get blood work done, do some very basic stretching and excercise.
I never did the yoga or pilates as suggested because any "advanced" stretching was still painful, I felt like waiting to get better before doing that.
I started walking 1 to 2 hours every day, I could feel my legs gaining back their strenght and finally I was able to sit for more than 10 minutes. I was so happy and confident about recovering completly.
I'd say the best day of this year was definetely this Monday with almost 0 pain.
Unfortunately it lasted till Wednesday, that day I experienced the strongest pain of my life when it suddenly spreaded to the groin, I couldn't feel my bladder and bowel properly. Urinating has become hard and I don't really feel bowel movements happening. Legs became quite weak.
Of course I went immediately to the ER. I have been told I don't risk serious damage and got to take steroids pills, eperisone, dicloreum.
I feel like these meds are just masking my pain and not even all of it.
The next day I had an ultrasound, my organs are normal and healthy.

Its a long post so for anyone that will read it or reply thank you so much :)
All my issues started 2 years ago, there was alot of stress and I think that triggered my pelvic pain. I didnt know what was going on with me why did I experiance pain in my PF and penis so I was really lost.
The pain went totally away after ive calmed down after 1.5 months but it was brutal. Then I got sick and had some kidney issues and I got floxed with cipro. I had severe anxiety and panic attacks because of the pills. My body felt weak, my chest felt compressed and it felt hard to breathe. Amogst these symptoms I had many more.
I discovered soon that this was caused by cipro and found subreddit where people helped me. One of the things that really scared me about being floxed is that any stress on the body is not good while recovering... and tendopathy that alot of floxies talked about.
So that caused me a fear of moving. I wanned to get better as soon as I can cause side effect frightened me alot so I was resting alot and just going for short walks... and I think thats where my core weakness started to kick in.
That was going on for few months until I started to get better and I thank God that I did. I had few flares but that way it.
My pelvic pain wasnt gone tho so I wanned to understand what is going on with me but this lead me to alot of stuff (prostatitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, PN...).
So I did alot of reading and after a yeaf of ups and downs I realized I have tight pelvic floor. Ive read what to do but there was too much information with too much different opinions. Some people said engaging core is bad and should be avoided because it strains PF muscles. Some say strenghtening causes flares and that relaxing and stretching should work. So me being stuck in this and wanned to get better have stoped using my abs... and that made weaknes even worse.
I then found pelvic floor PT in another country since we dont have any here and went there. They gave me some exercises and told me to eleminate my stress as much as possible.
And I had 3 days of symptoms. Then they came back but they were very mild I bearly noticed them. Eventually they almost fully went away for like 2 months until I had some back pain. Then they came back again. But that was again very mild and went almost fully away again for 2-3 months.
Then 6 months ago my back pain started suddenly and MRI showed inflamed facet joints. My pelvic pain came back but not that bad. I visited PT for back muscles and they told my my core is really weak. So they had me do some core exercises and after about 5 visits it somehow helped my pelvic pain quite alot I would say.
I had in total 10 visits, would go for more if I could afford but sadly cant.
My pain was mild and also gone for few days in between for 2 months again until recently. I had some stomach issues and I had diarrhea. And I think this could be causing my current flare.
My symptoms:
mainly just irritaton feeling, tight feeling and some pain. Its not constant I have better days and worse days. Sometimes pain just comes for no reason ? Sometimes i bearly feel anything or even nothing.
I have no other symptoms besides that.
Trough out the day the pain is not constant. Stress definetly makes it worse. And walking helps tons and also some stretching.
In those 2 years in total I had 1 month of pain free at the begining. I had around 7 months of almost 0 pain, most of the time I was totally okay but had few moments where I would feel it just a tiny bit again. Ive had few days or weeks without pain aswell but I dont really remember exactly.
Im VERY anxious person and I stress about my pelvic pain alot... always thinking everything does damage to me like certian moves, some straininh, laughing, core strenghtening exercises... and I just keep on searching for the cure. What am I doing wrong, is this even fixable
My questions:
-What should I do to get better, can I fix this?
-Should I stretch?
-Should I strenghten ? What exercises are safe for back ?
-Why does core strenghtening exercises cause flare ? (Glute bridges, bird dog...)
-Why Is pain sometimes on left side and sometimes on right ?
I just wanna be pain free im only 25 I should be enjoying life and working and im just stuck in this cycle.
My biggest fear thats in my head everyday is that this is forever thing and it makes me so damn sad...
Is this curable after 2 years ?
If you came this far I honestly wish you fast recovery and thank you for reading ❤️

I've known that I experience gender dysphoria for a couple years now, only telling close friends and then saying "never mind, forget it" a few weeks later, only for the cycle to repeat and repeat. It sucks ass, I don't want to experience it anymore. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
But the only treatment for gender dysphoria is transitioning, or so I hear. That sucks! I can't do that in my career. So now I just have to suffer forever, or suffer in a different way forever. Fuck that!
I've always thought that no matter how bad it got, I'd always have the agency to choose whether or not to transition. I'm not going to. I don't want to upend my whole life like that. But is there really no other way to get rid of dysphoria? Does this realization about the root of my mental health problems mean that I have no other choice than to come out and transition? Because if it does, I hate that. I wish there was a cis pill or something. I crave the normalcy, the simplicity of cis life, at least as it relates to gender.
I am jealous of men, cis and trans, because they get to be men and be happy about it. I'm jealous of women, cis and trans (with trans-friendly careers) because they get to be women and be happy about it.
This is just a minor vent. I've already decided that I won't transition. I can probably tolerate the rest of my life as a man. I'm just irritated and frustrated that there are no other options to improve my mental state.

Imma be very honest here, when the singles came out I thought neon pill would be my least favorite album, even tho the singles were good. After the album dropped still was a bit underwhelmed, but after a second listen Rainbow is the best vibe of the album, ball and chain is just soooooo fuckin catchy, the singles got enhanced from the experience, and this album really made me evaluate what I love about Cage the elephant, and gave me back that love after infinitly playing social cues to death. Still not my favorite album, not even close (social cues 😁✌🏽) but I fell back in love with Cage and anyone thinking this album is trash, I recommend giving it the time it needs to get stuck in your head.
Overall Score: 7 (Album still has sum basic lyrics tho)

I got all 4 of my wisdom teeth extracted on Thursday morning; so, I'm on day 3. (30F, uncomplicated extraction and very little pain/discomfort. Recovering well.) My oral surgeon's assistant told me I could eat soft things today, like a non-crunchy sandwich or ground turkey--so, had a small soft sandwich for lunch and ground turkey with mash for dinner. Noticed that in both of my bottom wisdom teeth sockets, there is debris--what appears to be ground turkey. I was told not to worry about debris in the sockets and just let it be, other than using the medicinal mouthwash. Friends who've had this procedure done told me the opposite though, and that food in the sockets can cause infection. Should I be taking a chill pill and letting the sockets be, or should I be concerned/trying to fish the food out? Thanks for any/all advice!

So yesterdays was my nans birthday, she was away in the country but was on the way home and said she would be back within the hour
My auntie lives 10 mins from her, my mum called her asking if she can leave my nans presents at hers, she said yeah! We arrived at my aunties within 30 minutes, my mum & me banged on the door for over 10 minutes and no answer, we left my mum called her over 20 times I did over 10 no answer
We assumed she went to sleep, 1am that that same night she message her sons girlfriend squid she’s goin sleep
But this is where it’s weird because she always always always would message my mum back and me especially when we went to her house!
But we left, but the next day her son went barged in and she was found on the floor cold, hard and gone
Can someone please help, why would she answer my mum and say we can come drop presents off, when we arrive 30 mins later to not reply? But then 5 hours after that reply to someone else but still not answer us when we called her 20 times?
Now I know this is the main important park but she was found with a needle in her leg, she years ago used to do drugs but stopped but obviously must of started again without telling us
The main part I’m currently confused used about is literally 39 minutes before we arrived at hers she sounded fine and happy, we got there no answer I called her loads my mum did. No answer, so within this 30 minute time frame something happens, but we assumed she slept, at 1am she messaged her sons gf saying she’s taking a sleeping pill and that was the last we heard
The police apparently said she was dead overnight
Iam age 26

I just came across these myths, Maybe they can tell us something about Luffy, Dragon, Imu and the One Piece.
Rahu (my take is IMU):
The tales begin in the "remotest periods of the earliest of time, when the devas and asuras churned the ocean of milk to extract from it the amrita, the elixir of immortality." - Svarbhanu, an Asura (demon) deceived Vishnu’s female avatar Mohini, posing as a Deva(god) to steal the elixir of immortality. Displeased, Mohini cut Svarbhanu’s head. Svarbhanu was henceforth referred to as Rahu (head) and Ketu (body), could not die, but his head was separated from his body.
Following this event, Rahu (IMU) and Ketu (Five Elder planets representing his torso, both legs and arms) gained the status of planets, and could influence the lives of humans on Earth.
Rahu and Ketu became bitter enemies with Surya (Sun - Sun God Nika or Monkey D. Luffy) and Chandra (Moon - Marshall D. Teach) for exposing his deception and leading to his decapitation.
Hanuman (hindu deity that inspired Sun Wookong):
When Hanuman was an infant, he was once left unattended by his earthly mother and father. He became hungry, and when the Sun rose, he believed it to be a ripe fruit. So, Hanuman leapt up towards the Sun with extreme speed. Vayu (Wind God) his celestial father, blew cold wind on him to protect him from the burning Sun. Coincidentally, Rahu (Imu maybe) was meant to swallow the Sun (Eternal Flame?) and eclipse it that day. As Rahu approached the Sun, he saw Hanuman (Nika) about to eat it.
Hanuman saw Rahu and thought Rahu to be a fruit as well, so he attempted to eat him too. Rahu fled to the court of the king of the devas, Indra (Lightning God), and complained that while he was meant to satisfy his hunger with the Sun, there was now a bigger Rahu who tried to consume the Sun and himself.
Indra set out on Airavata, his divine elephant (Zunesha?), to investigate alongside Rahu, who retreated once more when he saw how enormous Hanuman had grown. Hanuman was playing with the Sun's chariot and reached for Rahu again. As Rahu cried out to Indra for help, Hanuman saw the Airavata and mistook it for yet another fruit.
When he approached in his giant form, Indra struck his left jaw with a thunderbolt and injured him. Hanuman began falling back towards the Earth when he was caught by Vayu.
Kuafu (a giant of chinese legend):
There was a vast mountain in the desolated plains of the north. In the mountain forest lived a tribe of mighty giants (The Kuafu-Shi). They were led by Kuafu (Joyboy and Roger); the grandson of Houtu (Mother Earth). The giants were strong but kind, leading simple lives.
The leader, Kuafu, was not only tall and muscular, but also had strong legs which enabled him to run faster than a rabbit. He often led his people to fight with beasts for survival. Thus he often wore yellow snakes he caught as earrings, and swung snakes in his hands with pride.
One day, Kuafu sat on a slope watching the sun slowly setting in the west. As the land was gradually covered in darkness, he suddenly came up with a wild idea. If he captured the sun, would he then bring bright light and warmth to the world forever?
Hearing his idea, many people tried to talk him out of it.
“Don’t even think about it,” one said. “The sun is too far way, and you will die from fatigue!”
“The sun is too hot. You will be burned alive,” another said.
But Kuafu was determined to compete with the sun and try to catch it.
As the sun rose the next morning, Kuafu bade farewell to his tribe and started chasing the sun with a cane in his hand.
The sun was just like a naughty child, prancing across the sky. Kuafu raced across the land like a gush of wind, chasing the sun relentlessly. He chased it over mountains and rivers, shaking the land with every step he took.
The sun rose higher and higher and yet Kuafu kept chasing it with sweat streaming down his face.
He was famished and extremely thirsty so he ran to a fruit tree to quench his thirst and relieve his hunger. When tired, Kuafu leaned against his cane and took a quick rest.
The chase continued and the sun began dropping in the west.
Kuafu got agitated and shouted, “You keep on running, and see if I don’t catch you!”
The sun didn’t seem to care at all and moved even faster into the western horizon. Kuafu twirled his cane, and scurried across the plains, racing thousands of miles toward the sun. It seemed that he was getting closer and closer. He chased it all the way to the Mount Yanzi. As Kuafu stretched forth his mighty arms in an attempt to catch the ball of fire, a wave of heat gushed in, blowing him far way. Fortunately, he regained balance with his cane.
Kuafu kept his chin up and started chasing yet again. The closer he got to the sun, the hotter it got. His sweat drained profusely, leaving his clothes soaked. He took his clothes off and exposed his dark and strong chest.
As he kept running, Kuafu felt terribly thirsty. His throat was dry and sore. Suddenly, his eyes lit up with the Yellow River coming into his sight. He rushed over and leaned into the river, gulping up the water fiercely.
He was so thirsty that he drank up all the water in the Yellow River. Still thirsty, Kuafu ran to the Weihe River and started gulping again. The Weihe River got drunk dry as well. But Kuafu’s thirst was still not quenched. So he headed north to another big lake.
The big lake sat in the north of Mount Yanmen. The water was clean and clear, with birds flocking and flourishing around. Thinking all of the fresh water, Kuafu scurried over even faster. He tried to get there before the sun set, so that he could keep on chasing the sun again after quenching his thirst.
However, his footsteps got heavier and heavier. The intense thirst slowed him down immensely, and Kuafu fell down like a mountain with a large booming sound.
Just as he fell, Kuafu flung his cane over with all his strength. The cane made an arc in the air and then fell into the distance.
Just then, the sun set into the Yu Valley of Mountain Yanzi, leaving a golden afterglow on Kuafu’s face.
The sun rose again the next dawn, yet Kuafu had already turned into a huge mountain where he fell down.
On the northern side of the mountain, there was a lush peach orchard, which was turned from his cane.
Kuafu (Joyboy and Roger) believed that there would always be someone else trying to chase the sun like he did and the peach orchard (One Piece) he left would help them quench their thirst. Just as he planned, the orchard flourished, creating shelter and shade for passers-by and offered fruit (Devil Fruit?) to relieve their thirst and exhaust (give hope).
Though the myth suggested that Kuafu chased the Sun on the spur of a moment, some scholars conjectured that it may have actually been planned for the whole tribe searching for water source in the draught. Chasing the sun indicated that the tribe tried migrating westward for water.

⭐️Pregnancy⭐️
I have my own place, go to school full time, in a coding boot camp, and taking certificates while also providing all the income for us. I was still actively working right after the military and then lost my tech job after 4 months job due to the whole company going under. The next day I found out she was pregnant. I believe she should have the choice since it’s her body /and she choose to keep the baby.
⭐️The problem⭐️
The 1st problem was she didn’t want to work or get license that I pushed her to do but can’t do it herself. I have been nice about it I’ve made docs, videos of motivation, applied for jobs for her, let her use my car, been with her to do it, but still doesn’t want to do anything so I gave up. A counselor would help but her mom doesn’t believe in that so brings in her mind there no point of getting better. She adores her mom but her mom is a does pills all day who hasn’t worked for over 20 years and even refused to work when they were all on the streets. I took her brother and my girlfriend to Disneyland and mind you spent over of all of the money I earned from the military from the gifts, vacations places, and food because she has never seen any of this before because they live off the goverment.
⭐️Uncle⭐️
her uncle turned homeless and started living with them.( he attempted to s/a her as a kid) but didn’t succeed. Her mom not doing anything and me knowing things she could do to get rid of him ( I even paid her 2,000 dollars) to get rid of him and nobody did anything my girlfriend said she was fine about it and she not much afraid of him and started resenting me because how I felt about her mom. I started doing online classes and staying with her and saving up for an apartment. A month goes by and the uncle TALKS ABOUT HER BOOBS INFRONT OF HER MOM. and yes he is still living there and yes we got the aprartment right after that. she still resented me because of how I felt about her mom and now I’m losing feelings for her because of that and not helping me mentally or with money.(Also I want to say it has never slipped my mind that I would not provide for this child that’s the whole point of doing the college). ⭐️My day⭐️
I feel alone most days and now i would rather watch YouTube or video by myself than with her.the one time we did take a break which was 2 days she cried all day, that’s not right for the baby so I went back to get her. I don’t think she would commit sucicde if we broke up but she says it as a joke but most of the time I can’t take it as a joke( my dad attempted and succeeded when I was 10).

My neighbors have lived next to me for about five years. For the most part we have been on pretty good terms. They are heavy smokers and often smoke marijuana and cigarettes. I like to keep a few windows or screen doors open when I’m home and often the smell gets in when they smoke. I get really bad headaches from the smell so I try to close them as soon as I catch a whiff. By then it is usually too late and the smell is in my house. I have previously asked them to just shoot me a text when they are lighting it up. They smoke quite often and it’s multiple people so they have different schedules. All I asked was for them to send a quick text before doing it. I don’t have to respond, you don’t have to do anything else. They didn’t do this for the longest time. I would remind them and explain I have really bad migraines because of it. I take pills for it and do all that I can to combat it from my side all that I ask is that they do the bare minimum. Only recently after years of asking have they started to do this and I have thanked them and said how much it helps. This isn’t the problem, I just thought it was important to add to show their mentality when asking for simple considerations.
For the last few years my backyard has been getting remodeled. For a while it has been a bunch of dirt and whatnot. Recently had time to pay more attention to it and finished the remodel. The same neighbors have four big dogs and they use their backyard as a dumping ground for fecal matter. Emphasis on four really big dogs who leave four times the amount of feces and at a larger size. Also the wind blows from their house to ours. As I previously mentioned, I haven’t used the backyard recently due to remodeling so haven’t been back there as much. I have left some of the windows and whatnot open but never have smelled it to the point of it being an issue. Since it is newly refurbished, I’m trying to use my backyard more but the stench is unbearable. It’s hot and is left sitting out there for weeks at a time. I texted them again and explained the situation. I’m not looking to start something up again but I have remodeled and will be using the backyard more. I’m not throwing any loud ragers, just small garden parties. I even told them that you don’t have to keep it squeaky clean but if I am throwing a party a certain day can I text you ahead of time so you have time to remove it before the party? We agreed. First few times it worked. I texted and they removed. I don’t like having to tell them to clean up their own dog poop but I understand compromises must be made. However the last year or so they have become worse and worse with maintaining their end of the deal. Sometimes they don’t text back till the day after the party, they don’t remove it, or have passive aggressive remarks. I don’t throw many parties and they aren’t even always outside. I’d say once a month maybe, so that is only twelve times a year they have to remove it. It has gotten to the point where they haven’t cleaned it up. I’ll set up for outside but the smell is so unbearable my guests end up going back inside. I spent a lot of money and put a lot of hard work into this remodel and would like to use my own backyard. It is my daughter’s birthday this week. I texted them same thing as usual. “Hey I’m having a small party for Lucy and a few of her friends in two days, just wanted to let you know so you have time to clean up the dog stuff, thank you!” A day before the party I got a really passive aggressive reply (more rude than usual) saying, “I can’t drop everything I’m doing every second you want throw a party, I won’t bend to your whim anymore, no wonder your old neighbors left they probably hated you, please stop these threats and harassing me and my husband” I was shocked. We have always been cordial enough and I’m very understanding if something is going on in their personal life, if there was an emergency or they are out of town, etc. I responded back asking them if they were gonna remove it. No response and night before the party now, they still haven’t removed it. I have been patient and understanding for years, this week I’m filing an official complaint with police and their landlord. It is apparently illegal in our city to leave any pet feces on public or private property, it’s a serious health and house code violation. Is there anything I should know or do before filing a complaint. I will not be warning them or giving them any heads up. I have given them plenty of time and leeway but they take advantage of it. I won’t be doing anything petty like egging or TPing so don’t try to suggest that. Thanks to anyone who reads all of this.

My neighbors have lived next to me for about five years. For the most part we have been on pretty good terms. They are heavy smokers and often smoke marijuana and cigarettes. I like to keep a few windows or screen doors open when I’m home and often the smell gets in when they smoke. I get really bad headaches from the smell so I try to close them as soon as I catch a whiff. By then it is usually too late and the smell is in my house. I have previously asked them to just shoot me a text when they are lighting it up. They smoke quite often and it’s multiple people so they have different schedules. All I asked was for them to send a quick text before doing it. I don’t have to respond, you don’t have to do anything else. They didn’t do this for the longest time. I would remind them and explain I have really bad migraines because of it. I take pills for it and do all that I can to combat it from my side all that I ask is that they do the bare minimum. Only recently after years of asking have they started to do this and I have thanked them and said how much it helps. This isn’t the problem, I just thought it was important to add to show their mentality when asking for simple considerations.
For the last few years my backyard has been getting remodeled. For a while it has been a bunch of dirt and whatnot. Recently had time to pay more attention to it and finished the remodel. The same neighbors have four big dogs and they use their backyard as a dumping ground for fecal matter. Emphasis on four really big dogs who leave four times the amount of feces and at a larger size. Also the wind blows from their house to ours. As I previously mentioned, I haven’t used the backyard recently due to remodeling so haven’t been back there as much. I have left some of the windows and whatnot open but never have smelled it to the point of it being an issue. Since it is newly refurbished, I’m trying to use my backyard more but the stench is unbearable. It’s hot and is left sitting out there for weeks at a time. I texted them again and explained the situation. I’m not looking to start something up again but I have remodeled and will be using the backyard more. I’m not throwing any loud ragers, just small garden parties. I even told them that you don’t have to keep it squeaky clean but if I am throwing a party a certain day can I text you ahead of time so you have time to remove it before the party? We agreed. First few times it worked. I texted and they removed. I don’t like having to tell them to clean up their own dog poop but I understand compromises must be made. However the last year or so they have become worse and worse with maintaining their end of the deal. Sometimes they don’t text back till the day after the party, they don’t remove it, or have passive aggressive remarks. I don’t throw many parties and they aren’t even always outside. I’d say once a month maybe, so that is only twelve times a year they have to remove it. It has gotten to the point where they haven’t cleaned it up. I’ll set up for outside but the smell is so unbearable my guests end up going back inside. I spent a lot of money and put a lot of hard work into this remodel and would like to use my own backyard. It is my daughter’s birthday this week. I texted them same thing as usual. “Hey I’m having a small party for Lucy and a few of her friends in two days, just wanted to let you know so you have time to clean up the dog stuff, thank you!” A day before the party I got a really passive aggressive reply (more rude than usual) saying, “I can’t drop everything I’m doing every second you want throw a party, I won’t bend to your whim anymore, no wonder your old neighbors left they probably hated you, please stop these threats and harassing me and my husband” I was shocked. We have always been cordial enough and I’m very understanding if something is going on in their personal life, if there was an emergency or they are out of town, etc. I responded back asking them if they were gonna remove it. No response and night before the party now, they still haven’t removed it. I have been patient and understanding for years, this week I’m filing an official complaint with police and their landlord. It is apparently illegal in our city to leave any pet feces on public or private property, it’s a serious health and house code violation. Is there anything I should know or do before filing a complaint. I will not be warning them or giving them any heads up. I have given them plenty of time and leeway but they take advantage of it. I won’t be doing anything petty like egging or TPing so don’t try to suggest that. Thanks to anyone who reads all of this.

Last week I reached out on here hoping to find community and to share my experience with suddenly quitting my Effexor. I got a few really intense comments that were overwhelming so I deleted.
I can't tell anyone else to do it, but I wanted to share my expeirence so some one who really wanted off this stuff could get input from someone who did it.
I am not a doctor . I am not your doctor. I am not my doctor. I had researched cold turkey stopping before I even started it, and knew the risks. I decided it was worth it because I was pretty certain the Effexor was beginning to worsen my suicidal ideation and self harm desires.
I took my last 225 mg pill a week ago today.
It has been rough, but also not as rough as others have had it . I decided to opt to stop cold turkey because I don't have the capacity to drag out withdrawal symptoms. What I would say for a more responsible approach if I can suggest anything, is perhaps tapering down to a lower dose and then going cold turkey off a smaller dose, IE 75 mgs or 37.5. I will say tho, just from my reading, it almost seems like the slow taper can exasperate withdrawal symptoms .
Benadryl was a huge help with the brain zaps. A week later I am still feeling them, but they have gotten milder. The first 72 hrs was the most intense.
My head is still a good bit foggy, and on top of Effexor withdrawls I have been in a custody battle, I have a daughter who needs extra support due to her behavior at school, a 6 month old baby, a brother in rehab across the country. I have been searching for a new job endlessly, had lab work done and found out my Graves' disease has returned. Tbh I have no clue how I managed to get through the week I had + withdrawing from Effexor. Brain zaps in the carpool line was not fun.
But for all those reasons exactly, I needed to get through the sick asap. I needed the extra spicy self harm thoughts gone.
Again, my head is foggy. I will try to list the good and bad below. If anyone has questions I can answer I will try my best.
I am not a doc, I am not your doc, I am not my doc. I am not recommending you do what I did.
The bad - Brain zaps, mental fogginess , depersonalization . In simple terms I have felt like I was stuck in a pretty bad hang over. Irritability , headaches, nausea, stomach pain , general unease. I feeel physically sick, a level 7-9/10 depending on what's going on. I can tell the symptoms are trying to dissipate but I don't think I'm out the woods yet.
The good- noticeable reduction in the bad thoughts. My appetite is coming back . My energy is coming back ( although I am Still very much feeling out of it and in withdrawal, I can tell I am able to get less sleepy somehow through the day. It feels like while on it for over a year, I needed more like 10-12 hours of sleep to be okay, and now 7-9 and I'm okay minus the zaps that are exhausting)
Things that seem to help- BENADRYL. I don't have the capacity to explain the science but look it up, it is shown to help.
Marijuana took the edge off , although I'm aware some ppl have said it didn't help them.
Staying hydrated and eating what I could. I have been on ozempic and I stopped it because I had no appetite prior to the ozempic, and once that was added in I lost a crazy amount of weight for me personally, a little too fast. Even between the vertigo and zaps, I have been HUNGRY. Which is good.
I'll try to touch base again in a week to update. I did follow up with my primary care doc, and I have a pysch appointment in early July to see if I want to try a different med. rn I am proud I challenged myself because it was causing more harm than good for me.
If you are planning to cold turkey, I would say try to prep to be intensely under the weather for at least the first 10-14 days. Something else was, I told myself if it got too bad I would take a dose. But somehow, I'm a week off.

My neighbors have lived next to me for about five years. For the most part we have been on pretty good terms. They are heavy smokers and often smoke marijuana and cigarettes. I like to keep a few windows or screen doors open when I’m home and often the smell gets in when they smoke. I get really bad headaches from the smell so I try to close them as soon as I catch a whiff. By then it is usually too late and the smell is in my house. I have previously asked them to just shoot me a text when they are lighting it up. They smoke quite often and it’s multiple people so they have different schedules. All I asked was for them to send a quick text before doing it. I don’t have to respond, you don’t have to do anything else. They didn’t do this for the longest time. I would remind them and explain I have really bad migraines because of it. I take pills for it and do all that I can to combat it from my side all that I ask is that they do the bare minimum. Only recently after years of asking have they started to do this and I have thanked them and said how much it helps. This isn’t the problem, I just thought it was important to add to show their mentality when asking for simple considerations.
For the last few years my backyard has been getting remodeled. For a while it has been a bunch of dirt and whatnot. Recently had time to pay more attention to it and finished the remodel. The same neighbors have four big dogs and they use their backyard as a dumping ground for fecal matter. Emphasis on four really big dogs who leave four times the amount of feces and at a larger size. Also the wind blows from their house to ours. As I previously mentioned, I haven’t used the backyard recently due to remodeling so haven’t been back there as much. I have left some of the windows and whatnot open but never have smelled it to the point of it being an issue. Since it is newly refurbished, I’m trying to use my backyard more but the stench is unbearable. It’s hot and is left sitting out there for weeks at a time. I texted them again and explained the situation. I’m not looking to start something up again but I have remodeled and will be using the backyard more. I’m not throwing any loud ragers, just small garden parties. I even told them that you don’t have to keep it squeaky clean but if I am throwing a party a certain day can I text you ahead of time so you have time to remove it before the party? We agreed. First few times it worked. I texted and they removed. I don’t like having to tell them to clean up their own dog poop but I understand compromises must be made. However the last year or so they have become worse and worse with maintaining their end of the deal. Sometimes they don’t text back till the day after the party, they don’t remove it, or have passive aggressive remarks. I don’t throw many parties and they aren’t even always outside. I’d say once a month maybe, so that is only twelve times a year they have to remove it. It has gotten to the point where they haven’t cleaned it up. I’ll set up for outside but the smell is so unbearable my guests end up going back inside. I spent a lot of money and put a lot of hard work into this remodel and would like to use my own backyard. It is my daughter’s birthday this week. I texted them same thing as usual. “Hey I’m having a small party for Lucy and a few of her friends in two days, just wanted to let you know so you have time to clean up the dog stuff, thank you!” A day before the party I got a really passive aggressive reply (more rude than usual) saying, “I can’t drop everything I’m doing every second you want throw a party, I won’t bend to your whim anymore, no wonder your old neighbors left they probably hated you, please stop these threats and harassing me and my husband” I was shocked. We have always been cordial enough and I’m very understanding if something is going on in their personal life, if there was an emergency or they are out of town, etc. I responded back asking them if they were gonna remove it. No response and night before the party now, they still haven’t removed it. I have been patient and understanding for years, this week I’m filing an official complaint with police and their landlord. It is apparently illegal in our city to leave any pet feces on public or private property, it’s a serious health and house code violation. Is there anything I should know or do before filing a complaint. I will not be warning them or giving them any heads up. I have given them plenty of time and leeway but they take advantage of it. I won’t be doing anything petty like egging or TPing so don’t try to suggest that. Thanks to anyone who reads all of this.

I started taking the pill when I was 17, nearly 18, and was on it for roughly 5 months.
I was more depressed than I've ever been, broke up with the boyfriend I started taking BC for because I wasn't able to feel attracted to him anymore, and then got off it. It's been 10 months now. When will it go away? Has anyone else had it last this long? My doctor doesn't think it's my hormones so she won't test me and just told me to get therapy. I went to a therapist who said I sound completely normal to her. No professional will listen to me and I feel like I'm alone and out of options. What can I even do? It's a struggle just to stay alive every day and nobody will believe me. Will it ever go away? Did it ever go away for anyone else? I'm out of options and I just want to be sterilized so I never have to deal with this again but I can't find any doctor willing to sterilize a single 19 year old

Hi everyone, It seems like I'm part of that group too after all...
I got a blood test in the last weeks (on the 07/05 precisely) and I found out I'm at like, 4.7μg/L...
I've been able to use iron pills and recovering a little on the first time (it kind of relaxed my cerebellum quite quickly, it felt really tense prior to this and I was having memory issues for things I usually know, it kind of scared me...) but I have no damn clue for how long I should keep this going.
The first week seemed like it helped, it even made my iconic dark rings around the eyes vanish a little. And then diet changes were done (I'm histamine intolerant so it is strict) and I found that they got... Worse. More visible as I introduced garlic to my diet. Which is problematic because health-wise, it gives me other benefits, it managed to finally help me to get rid of a flu-like problem I've had for a while now, I'm guessing it's helping to get candida... But I believe it changes blood consistency too.
Today, to help my body recover a little, I also took calf liver and I'm wondering what happened... The sleep wasn't that bad but my eyes got red and the eyebags even bigger. Maybe it is something else but I can't tell what for sure.
Am I doing something wrong with like, liver or garlic ? I took the iron supplement regardless of the calf-liver but I'm wondering if this was a good idea. I don't know. Maybe that made a lot at once... But since calf-liver is a vitamin bomb, now I'm also wondering if it isn't excess vitamin A. Heck, I don't know. It's rich in iron, protein, vitamin A, folate (B9) and B12 apparently.
I have a feeling the iron pills causes water retention too as it seems to inflate my fingers a little too (but not always either). For info, I got iron bisglycinate 14 mg combined with 12 mg of vitamin C and 0,5 mg of copper.
If anyone knows what's going on and if these symptoms might resorb, I guess that would probably reassures me a little.
Thanks in advance !
PS : I apologize if my English sounds a little weird, English isn't my first language and my phrasing seems to have gotten worse with the anemia... Sorry !

In advance: I'm sorry if this makes no sense context wise and it gets long, but I'm pretty emotional writing this. I feel like I'm standing infront of the shambles of my life right now, at a point where I'm supposed to be happier than ever.
And truth be told, I am outwardly "ok" most of the time, which I'm not faking per se. But I am terrified of what's going on in my head.
I'm a young woman roughly in my early twenties, pregnant, together with my childhood boyfriend and love of my life, financially secure, working my dream job etc.. But on the other hand I'm also a survivor of childhood religious abuse and a veteran. I've been diagnosed with Autism in early childhood and with PTSD after those ordeals.
I asked to be pulled from my last deployment in a war zone (and later service at large) after I made an unsuccessful attempt on my life. When I got home my boyfriend, with whom I've been with since we were 12-13, was right there by my side the entire time. He's the reason I'm still here. He was the one who physically attacked my parents when they threw me to the ground and kicked me upon finding out that we were having sex at age 18. He, as an adult, took a slap across the face from my lunatic of a mother, because he, someone who isn't religious, took their precious daughter. That's the same mother who'd say that symptoms of my Autism were my Yetzer Hara (innate inclination to evil in Judaism) and so on. My mother was always the worst, but curiously enough, both my parents were actually rarely physical. They were just incredibly evil with words. My first bullies, basically. Despite all this, my boyfriend supports that I still hold contact to them for the sake of my little siblings, who I love dearly. But despite that love, I've found myself unable to interact with them recently. It is just so incredibly painful to see how different my parents are with them and how my little siblings, who are to young to know what was done to me, adore them without a single condition. The only truly good person in my family is my paternal grandfather. He basically adopted me and my partner as his own, taught us what Judaism is really supposed to be like and gifted my partner, who is incredibly respectful of my faith, an old Kippah of his. He's truly always been my partner in crime, united by the dislike for the rest of our family. He's also the only one who knows and will know about the baby. I am so ready for the family drama that will unfold when they find out that that me, my partner and our child will inherit everything and that I'm his sole medical and financial proxy should he ever be unable to do stuff himself anymore.
My pregnancy was unplanned, but it was a happy "surprise" (can you be surprised about the pill failing after two days of a stomach virus?). Unfortunately my second thought after the initial excitement of seeing the positive test was how this would burn every last bridge to my family. Again, my partner is nothing short of amazing and will be an awesome dad, but he's and his family are the only ones I have. I don't have my mom or any other female relatives. I love my defacto mother-in-law, who has always been more of a mother to me than my real mom, but having to talk to her about pregnancy stuff not always because I want to, but because she's the only one I got is incredibly sad. My family, except for my grandfather and possibly my siblings when they are adults, will never find out about this baby, ever. I am genuinely afraid of what lengths they would go to.
My partner, who has always been there for me, is in a very tough situation right now, so it obviously my turn to step up. He's a professional athlete, who's had two mayor injuries this season, one involving surgery on his shoulder. Issue being, he's also allergic to pretty much every single conventional painkiller out there and he's had to take painkillers continuously since October. Result being, stomach ulcers. Severe pain 24/7, nights spent awake with him vomiting blood. I, with a medical background, was a loss for what to do at times and thought I'd lose him more than once. Objectively speaking, I've seen much worse in the military, but it hits so different when it's a person you love more than anything. And he continues to play whenever even remotely possible with a stupid sense of grit and determination that I recognize from myself. He's slowly on the mend, but I've given him everything in me over the last few months. I feel empty.
Another factor in that is my work. I work for the club my boyfriend plays for. My primary jobs are in medical and coaching, but I also see it as sort of my duty that these guys turn not only as great athletes, but also as great humas. An aspect that often times gets lost in professional sports. I love my work, I love how much I can give and how I can be a positive factor in people's lives. But with everything else going to shits, I feel that what's happening at work is also affecting me more than it should. Particularly a guy that's been out with myocarditis for months now. It's always been a sad case, but as of recently I hold back tears every time I work with him. His mama found him unconcious in bed one morning, as a simple flu had turned significantly worse over night. She panicked, didn't remember where the hospital was, didn't think to call an ambulance and as such drove him to our medical centre. When I opened that car door - I've never seen a person that looked so sick ever before. He ended up having a heart attack, getting a pace maker and being in a coma for a week. Again, he's on the mend now, but seeing a 19 year old young athlete, who sees his entire career in jeopardy, struggle to get up from the breakfast table and walk the 5 steps over to the buffet is still beyond heartbreaking. He's been on my mind a lot lately, but what completely ended me were the last 2 days. Day before yesterday, in training. We hear a horrific sound, followed by a gutteral scream of shear pain and terror (have heard a few of these, never anything quite like that) and frantic shouts from other players. I grab my equipment and haul ass over to the other pitch and what I see there is easily the most horrific leg break possible. I am talking, the leg was nearly amputated. Tourniquet on, finding the next best thing to inject the player that would just knock him out, debating with my colleagues about if this is a case for a helicopter (it was), figuring out with the air ambulance crew how to stabilize the leg (anatomical physics project) etc.. The player who accidentally did this to him in a bad challenge was and still is inconsolable. There were multiple people who threw up at the sight. Today in training, another sound every pitch side worker dreads. A head clash, a proper one. One of them fine, just slightly dazed, the other one fully unconscious. I turn him on his side and see that there's blood running out of his mouth and one of his ears. Not ideal. When I got him awake he started vomiting, stated hearing/vision loss on one eadye, his face was drooping etc.. Perfect case of a basilar skull fracture. Another case for the air ambulance. While we were waiting on them, his mama came over and he didn't recognize her. I don't know what it was, but him not recognising his mother, his mother, fearing for her son's life, sobbing when he asked who she was...
Even though they're both doing well considering the circumstances, I've never had two incidents like this in two days. I'm rattled. And I hate myself for saying that, because it feels weak coming from someone who has seen war zones. I feel like I'm giving everything I have, I'm everyones shoulder to cry on and I'm just empty. I don't have anything left to give. Silly coming someone from someone who voluntarily signed up for all of this and still somehow loves it in a twisted way. Does this make me a masochist? I don't know. Fact is, I feel myself going down a very dark path (again) and I don't know what to do (again).

Her post: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/s/ooTwyFNwWk She only showed me this a few days ago, but for the past couple of weeks my now ex gf has been curating the truth to extract as much validation as she can from this situation, and has prevented me from commenting or sharing my side.
She admits that I actually said - that I bought a house with us in mind. I did say that. When i first met her, I was moving away to LA. I had already lived in a home that was paid off for 12 years, but when i met her; i decided that maybe it's best and continue to build a life here, and should things work out, we could figure out a future together.
I had been looking at the market and one day, an amazing house came on the block, for 300k less than it was a months ago. I pounced and went to see it. That night i told her i saw a place, i even sent her the photos and said, i'm going to place an offer, which i did.
She seemed to love the place and see how much of an upgrade it would be from my current place - this is a 2M house, with 4 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and most importantly, a garage as my cars kept getting stolen since i didn't have one at my current place.
There was never mention of us moving in together right away, at the time we were together for 6 months, wayyyy too soon. We weren't even saying "i love you yet" - and i did say that once actually, and she just didn't return it anyways.
That being said, since we spend 95%% of our time sleeping at my place when we see each other once a week, figure this would be good for us, and when it is time, we could move in together there and go from there.
She loved the place, from what she said, this was supposed to be a positive.
Now let's rewind though.
3 months into the relationship, she asked to borrow 4000$. I was not comfortable with it, but as usual, she made herself seem so much in need, that I couldn't say no and just break up with her there, but now I realize i should have. She guilted me sayinf that couples have to work together and be there for each other and all that jazz.
The fact is, within those first 3 months, i had brought her to LA while i had to be there on business and the total cost of the week that she was there was around 3K. Then, over xmas, we went to another city, another 2-3K, as well as a punta cana vacation for 7K. So after all that is when she decided to ask me, and you don't need to be a genius to realize thst she chose me because clearly, she pinned me as having the money to.
Had this been my wife or long term gf, this wouldn't of been an issue, but 3 months in - this was a big flag and i talked to her about it. As usual, and as a pattern throughout this relationship, she would get extremely angry, lose her cool and make me feel bad for "questioning her character".
So, fast forward to me actually moving into this house over a 3 week period. She helped none whatsoever, never offered and my own family, friends, and people who were working at the house asked me about it apl the time. Oh she has school, oh she texts me though and so on. Completely MIA until of course friday or saturday night where she wanted to go for dinners or go to shows - that we did, of course.
One day, once her exams had tailed down and she told me she was waking up early to write a photo, i saw that she posted a sunshine kissed selfie saying: yoga! Meal prep! Coffee! Sunshine!
And i wrote her privately: " you know, i feel you could have at least offered to help in some way today". Again, she loses it, tells me : " you know you don't have to tell me something just because it bothers you" and then eventually she says, and i will never forget this ever : " don't you think you're expecting a little much of me for 7/8 months of dating"?
I was shocked. For some reason, pressuring your bf for a 4000$ loan 3 months in, but offering help in any way over a 3 week period is too much.
I called it off, decided i don't need her and this relationship wouldn't work with this set of values we don't share.
A couple of days later, after trying whatever she could to flip this whole fight on me, constantly chaging the goal post as a pattern i had identified and made her aware of repeatedly over those 7/8 months, she eventually showed up unannounced, apologizing profusely, and apparently seeming to genuinely recognize that it wasn't right, and she could have offered.
I took some of the responsibility once she did, and said that maybe, i could have been more direct as to when and how.
We resolved, we started to laugh again, this was a fight that we would "learn from" we both said.
Well, last week we disagreed for another simple issue, and she blew up as she does, yelling, calling my life chaotic, calling me eveything she can think of, and then says she resents me for wanting her to help with the house when she had exams!
Basically she took back the apology fully and stormed out of the house, i did not chase her. I did not text her, and i did not want to negotiate at all anymore.
The next morning she said she acted like that because i told her she was fucked. Tbh, i don't remember saying that, but i probably did as she was having a massive blow up.
I apologized for saying that she is fucked because afterall, whatever i do is in my control and tried my very best to get her to see that blowing up like that, is her behavior to be accountable for.
That's when she shared the original thread... again - no words, shocked that for a couple of weeks in the background she had been farming all these comments about me, sharing our personal stuff and curating it in a way to make herself look like, you guessed it, a "victim" whose boyfriend "bought her a house"?
We met off hinge. She asked to borrow 3K from me 3 months in, and I told her since then that it just didn't look good at all, and I'd hate to have something like that i couldn't even share with my friends / family.
The facts are that she only shared as the relationship went on:

• she is over 40k in debt
• Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her
• Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal
• Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly
• Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past
• Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it.

Overall, yes i had reason to play it slow with her. I didn't want her moving in on a technicality, or making me responsible for all her bills or getting trapped if things didn't work out.
I didn't buy her a house, i bought my house, in cash, paid in full and she was well aware that.
I bought a house because I had settling down in my current city in mind after meeting and had hoped it would work out.
But here she is complaining about if she would have an office in it, for...nursing?
A shoe room? I have 25 pairs of shoes in a closet. The spare bedroom would be for a baby's room, possibily if my future half is comfortable with that. Discussions would be had but i realized that discussions would never be had with her.
She has rage in her mind, a wild sense of entitlement and at present time is currently getting evicted from her apartment, and has no full time job but all the time in the world to make reddit posts for validation.
This problem is solved, she is not going to move in, and i am accountable for my house and hope she becomes accountable for "her house".
I welcome any comments / questions but i know I was dealing with a highly problematic person who will never truly realize her ways.

Hey all! So I wanted to give a part two since I'm not high now lol, and also I wanted to clear up some things and add in some other details I left out that I just remembered. If you haven't seen the first part of this post then I suggest going to that, otherwise you'll be very confused. Also, I forgot to add this in my first post but DON'T READ if triggered by certain topics like r*ape, SA, murder, abuse, etc. Another thing is, this post is going to be a lot darker and aside from talking about what happened, I'm also looking for advice on my mental state and how to cope. So please read with caution because I'm going to be talking about what happened with B, but also about my past before him and how what happened is affecting my past trauma.
So, I'm not going to retell the whole story but I am going to be bringing up a lot of parts from it and things I didn't realize until after the incident happened. And some of the things I didn't think of until my friend brought it up. So in my first post, I was talking about how B (26M) was REALLY into Jeffrey Dahmer. Well, in the show we watched with Evan Peters, I noticed a lot of things Jeffrey did as well as already knowing a lot about him before watching it. I noticed that B was doing a lot of things similar to him. Now, I forgot to add in this part last time, but B was really 'straight phobic.' Now I'm a bi transman but I don't hate cis / straight people. In fact, a lot of my friends are cis and in straight relationships. For some reason though, he did, to a weird extent. And even though he was being respectful in the beginning, I'm starting to get a feeling he wasn't actually gay or cared about trans people. Because it seems as though ALL of his former partners were transmen. Which isn't that weird I guess, and he did tell me he tried dating a cis man before but it didn't work. After I met him in person he was telling me that he really liked his trans partners to still have sex vaginally and he liked tits. So, I was kind of confused at that. I think what was really going on was that he isn't gay but wanted to be so he could be like Jeffrey Dahmer. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but you'll see why later. So another thing is, Jeffrey would always ask his potential victims to go back to his place for drinks and to take photos, particularly sexual ones. Jeffrey would then lace the drinks and go on to do weird things to his victims while taking their pictures. And while I was trapped at his place, B kept pushing alcohol on me, A LOT. So much so, that when I kept refusing he started getting angry. However, once I pretended to take a sip it was like his whole attitude changed. He also kept joking it was laced, like EVERYTIME he offered me some. Even though I didn't actually drink any, like I said in the first post, I still got a few drops on my lips and in my mouth. After that I started to get a headache and was a bit dizzy. Also, he had told me before that he liked to take pictures of his partners in sexual poses while they held his guns. Aside from the guns, that's EXACTLY WHAT JEFFREY WOULD DO. For some reason, I didn't piece any of this together until afterwards. I guess I was too shaken up to think clearly. I said this before as well, but when I first entered his house, it was pitch black and he had black out curtains on EVERY WINDOW in his house. His bedroom, living room, kitchen, I mean his whole house made it seem like it was night outside. Another thing that is eerily similar to Jeffrey, is that B told me before I met him in person he always liked dating someone younger. I, at the time, was nineteen and he was twenty five, about to turn twenty six. I honestly don't know what was wrong with me so have not seen the BIG RED FLAGS in the beginning, but he played it off so well I didn't even notice them until after everything happened. And it isn't like me to go for older guys, I usually try to go for someone two years older or younger than me, as I don't like have a huge age gap between me and my partner. Anyway though, Jeffrey always went for younger guys, as well as sometimes KIDS. So, that's another thing similar between them, as well as the fact that B told me he was into little brother play. Where he makes his partners act like a younger brother during sex, etc. He also told me he liked for his partners to SUCK ON BINKIES. BRUHHHH, no thanks bro, I'm good. See, if it was just one of these things that he liked / was into, then I guess it would be normal. Just a guy into a weird ass kink, but all these things combined just did not sit right with me as well as how he was acting. Now, I said in my other post that basically the ENTIRE TIME I was with him, he had a weird ass expression on his face that made me uncomfortable. I wish I could explain better, but it was like constipated / confused look, like Edward from Twilight when he does those weird facial expressions. His brows were always furrowed and he looked like he was uncomfortable / anxious the whole time. He was being super sketchy. His body language was just really off-putting and made me feel weird. And the thing he kept ranting about the most was how Jeffrey Dahmer was misunderstood and just needed someone to be there for him, and then maybe he wouldn't have killed people. The thing that scared me the most was how he said he felt the same way, that he wished he could just have someone not leave him and how he had trust issues after his former partners. Especially the one I mentioned in the last post, about how his ex partner before me snuck out in the middle of the night and got his family to come get him. His family lived across the country, so it had to have been pretty bad for his ex to call his parents and tell them to come get him. Because they drove across multiple different states to come pick him up in the middle of the night so he could sneak away. I have a major feeling that B left out a lot of their fight and why his ex actually left. Not to mention while I was with him, he watched every move I made and wouldn't let me get on my phone without him seeing what I was doing / texting to people. I have a feeling if he thought I was trying to leave him he would've done something bad. Just like Jeffrey. Jeffrey wouldn't always hurt his victims (Not at first anyway) it was always when they said they had to leave that he would get angry and force them to stay. So, idk man, I could've been killed or worse. Also, I know I said I could've been killed or worse, and some of you are probably thinking what's worse than being killed? Well, to me, a lot of things he could've done would have been worse. Especially if he was trying to be like Dahmer, then I could've gotten acid injected into my brain or been r*aped. Which is exactly what I think he was trying to do, with how much alcohol he was trying to push on me. He also kept 'petting' me and touching my thighs while he told me all the ways he'd kill me 'if he was a serial killer.' I genuinely think that something bad would've happened if I didn't have one HELL of an excuse to leave. Because honestly, my mom couldn't have given a better excuse for me to go that also sounded real and not like a lie. Because, like I said before, I had told him before I met him that my mother had health issues and was always in and out of the hospital, so it was perfect that she used that as an excuse. He got really cold and wasn't speaking to me when he heard my phone call and that I had to leave, but I think if I would've tried to leave without that excuse or by giving him an obvious lie, then I might not be here. I'm also super grateful to my best friends who let me come to their place and stay late instead of going home. Me and my best friend, basically my sister, have talked about this a lot since it happened and every time we do, we try to rationalize why someone would act like that, other than being an actual serial killer / r*pist. But we can never think of a reason besides the fact that he simply is what he seems like. A really unhinged person who could've hurt me badly. Also, this was my FIRST TRUE experience in online dating and I honestly think I'm never going to try that again. I've run into so many creeps trying to date online, AND in real life. Most people who aren't trans probably don't realize or know this, but there are a lot of men that want to do really weird and fucked up things to trans people because I guess they think we are some mutant or something, or 'the best of both worlds.' I've run into them a lot, and when I met B, I thought that was over. I thought I had met an actual good person who was educated on trans topics and was respectful of my boundaries and my body. Nope. Now I'm starting to think dating, at least where I live now, is almost impossible and I think I'm going to be alone for awhile. :') Not to mention, I'm now traumatized after what happened with B, and I already had trouble trusting men, and just people in general. Before meeting him I have already been SAed before, multiple times. I guess I'm simply asking for advice on how to move on from something like this. I was trying, and doing kind of ok, moving on from things that had happened before I met B, but now after what happened with him I feel like I'm back sliding and it's making me relive all my past traumas. I basically trust no one, when it comes to sexual things, besides my two best friends I've known since childhood. I tend to over sexualize everything, even things that aren't sexual at all, and get scared around ANYONE, even family members, who I know deep down don't see me like that. I was also abused as a kid and wasn't able to get out of it until I was eighteen, and I've only just turned twenty now, so it wasn't even until two years ago I was still being abused. I feel I've fallen into the dark again and my panic attacks have gotten worse again. I feel depressed and I didn't realize until recently that I'm suicidal again. I didn't realize it until recently, because when I was younger and suicidal, I knew I was. I've tried unaliving myself before so I didn't think about it because I don't feel that way now. It's different this time. Instead of my thoughts directly wanting me to pull out a gun and, ya know, this time it's more subtle and more of a subconscious action. Like closing my eyes for a few seconds while driving. Or intrusive thoughts about ramming head first into the car in the other lane. Or going hiking and thinking of what it would feel like to step off the cliff. I'm honestly just tired. I feel like every person I meet has some kind of ulterior motive, whatever it is. I'm working at a really nice job but it seems like every time I save up money and am doing good for my future, I have to use it on something unexpected that pops into my life. I'm living with my grandparents for now because they said they weren't going to charge me rent, and I'm super grateful for that, but even still I can't keep money and I kind of just don't see my future anymore. Both my parents were drug addicts, my mother to pain pills then xans after that, my father was mainly an alcoholic but also did meth, pills, and other things. It doesn't help because when I was younger, around my early teen years (13-16) I started smoking cigs when I was 12, then I started smoking weed, which I still do, but then it got worse and I've tried xans, snorting pills I didn't even know what they were, drinking, and I've even done shrooms and LSD. I've also had some really bad trips on LSD that made my severe panic disorder worse and after that I now disassociate a lot too and have trouble knowing if I'm in reality while having a panic attack. And after what happened with B, his house and the smell (Cigs and booze) just reminded me what it was like living with my parents in that crack house looking trailer. It's like my brain won't let me let go of the past and move on. It's like I'm constantly stuck there still. And aside from dating, it's also super hard to meet people as friends where I live. I love my two best friends, one of which has been with me since we were basically fetuses and her parents and mine were friends, so her parents were also abusive drug addicts. It's nice to have someone so close and how we can relate to what we went through. We joke that we were traumatized by our parents, but also by each other's parents as well lol. Even though I'm grateful for them, you never know what's going to happen in the future and I don't want to be solely dependent on them and be able to make new friends, but I just can't. I feel so alone, and my friend I grew up with has been moved out a lot longer than me and has had time to heal, and I don't wanna keep dumping my mental problems on her because it's unfair to her. I feel like I'm just bringing her back to our past with me. When I moved out, I completely cut ties with my father, I don't even like calling him that, as he was the first person to SA me and he is, in general, and evil person. I try to think that evil people don't exist, but then I think of him and I realize they do. My mom though, is a good person when she isn't on anything. Recently though, I blocked her and haven't talked to her in over a month because she OD again on xans and amphetamines. I kind of realized recently that she is almost as bad as my father, even though I never wanted to admit that to myself. Because when I was younger, I admitted to her that he had SAed me and she kept pressuring me to tell her what happened, like, IN DETAIL. I told her no because I didn't want to relive it and think about it, even now I have a lot of repressed memories. And because I wouldn't tell her EXACTLY what happened, she doesn't believe. I think she does, deep down, but she doesn't want it to be real. And after her OD last month, she tried telling me she didn't and that it was just her BLOOD PRESSURE. LIKE OH MY GOD BITCH, WHY DO YOU LIE? She must think I'm stupid or something. Before I blocked her, I cussed her out over text and said something like "Who do you think was the first person at the hospital? Not grandma, not your husband, ME. I've always been there for you first. Who do you think told me you had OD? The doctors when I first got there!" And she still denies it, even though when me and my friend got the hospital she was lying there naked (they had to cut her clothes off to save her) with a breathing tube stuck down her throat. I've tried helping her my whole life but apparently she doesn't want help. So now I've gotten tired of her BS and I blocked her and now my grandma is pressuring me to talking to her, luckily though, my grandpa went through something similar as a kid and understands how it is so he isn't guilt tripping me into talking with her. I'm just tired of having to put into traumatic situations. My mental health just keeps getting worse. Somehow, trauma always finds me and nowadays, it seems my only friends are my demons. It used to not be like this, but now even when I'm with my two closest friends, I still feel lonely. Like they are reminding me that when I leave my friends, I'm alone again. Anyway, I know this probably isn't the right subreddit for this, but I kind of just started ranting, sorry for that.
Also, to clear some things up, no I don't use drugs, not anymore. I've never really been an addict at all in my life, somehow. I just did drugs because I wanted to escape when I was younger, and thankfully I never got addicted to any of them. Not like you can get addicted to LSD or shrooms anyway. The only thing I've got addicted to was cigarettes, which rn, is the least of my concerns. And as for weed, I used to be a major stoner but it started making my panic attacks worse so I stopped for a few years, cold turkey, and only recently started smoking it again. So, I'm not worried about weed and if anything, it's been helping now. Especially since I don't smoke it nearly as much as I used to. So, for those worried about me being or getting on drugs, don't worry I'm fine. I have made a clear boundary for myself to never do anything besides smoking my cigs and weed. Cause I've seen how drugs affect my parents and others I've known and I've sworn to myself that I won't become them. It also sucks though because I see psychedelics as something that can help a lot of people with trauma, and the first shrooms trip I ever did changed my life for the better. Now though, after my bad LSD trip, I don't know if I can every do them again. Maybe one day, but not for the foreseeable furture. Again, sorry for going on a rant. I'll probably post this to another subreddit and see if anyone can help. I'm not looking for therapy as I don't have the money or health insurance. Just looking for someone who can relate that has been able to move past similar things and find happiness. If you've read this far, thank you. Like seriously, from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me that someone would read about another person's problems and life experience. I hope whoever is reading this is having a great day / night wherever you are, and are living your best life. And for those reading that are going through a similar situation right now and can't get out, I promise you aren't alone. I haven't really gotten better, so I can't say things get better, but I can say it DOES get easier. All I can say is, you aren't alone in it. There are others, like me, who know your pain. Keep living, it'll be worth it. Even though I'm not doing my best and my mental problems are still with me, that doesn't mean it's all been bad. I've made a lot of amazing memories after I moved out. Keep going.

First time taking it and it's only been two days. And I've never been this depressed in my life. Everything feels like a chore the moment I digest the pill. I'm so irritable, everything is pissing me off. I've been laying on the floor staring into the void for who knows how long. It's not my first rodeo with antidepressants but it's the first one hit me that hard. I'm only taking it to see if it could help with my chronic back pain and it hadn't got rid of the pain at all but gave me more things to feel depressed about. Can't cum. It drained all my energy. I have a headache that won't away. My entire mouths feel dry, lips, nose, despite the humidity in my home being good. I've been drinking water but even that feels like a chore. I know two days is too short to consider stopping but man I barely feel alive right now.

My dad, after a consistent and very slow decline, finally had a pretty good memory day today. He has what I guess is a "run of the mill" vascular dementia. I'm far from an expert.
A bit more than 2 years ago his wife passed away in early 2022. I didn't know, at that time, that he had any unusual health problems. They didn't tell me about any mobility issues, they didn't tell me about some of the conditions he had developed, and they didn't tell me about the dementia diagnosis. When she passed my dad just stopped taking care of himself, and he spiraled pretty fast. He spent a couple of weeks in the hospital while we got him sorted out and I was finally clued in to how far he had declined in the previous couple of years. I was able to get POA for his health and finances to help make decisions. A couple of weeks later the doctors said that he was OK to go home on his own with help from some occupational therapy, and a nurse visiting a couple of times a week. This was in mid to late April of 2022. By early June he was getting some pretty serious notices from utilities, credit card companies, and others wanting to be paid. Dad thought everything was paid automatically (said his late wife had set that up), and had been ignoring every bill that came his way. This was when I really found out how bad things had become. There hadn't been a bill paid in months, his wife had been using HIS credit cards for HER purchases, and as I recall it there was about $11,500 in credit card debts that she had left for him. On HER OWN cards she had about $19,000 in credit card debt (I never paid that, my dad was not a guarantor on her accounts). My dad's credit score tanked, and was flirting with dipping into the 500s. So I stepped in and took over. I'd never had to take over someone else's finances before, and thus began a whole lot of change in both our lives. There were mysterious bills that were getting paid from his accounts, his cell phone bill was in the hundreds, there were debts she had created; some he knew about and some he didn't. I had to do some very basic financial forensics to figure out what was happening. The list of her dumb-fuckeries is sadly extensive, she was just a financial-fucking-idiot. He had a few thousand dollars remaining in his accounts, but he had a consistent pension and Social Security coming in. I started prioritizing the debt into utilities versus credit, and started getting him set right. It took about a year or year and a half, but my dad became debt free, and developed a substantial savings. His credit score is in the mid / high 700s again.
He is good enough to live mostly on his own still. I call most nights to check up on him, run through the list. "Did you eat enough? Did you take your medicine? Did you get any exercise? Did you visit with any friends? How you showered recently?" And on Saturdays I go over to his house to refill his medications, take him shopping, take a rudimentary inventory of his physical and mental condition, and I take him to lunch, usually with my wife and daughter. I take his blood pressure, and report it to his GP via an online portal. I do a bit of picking up in his house, maybe clean some things. Remind him about upcoming appointments. This takes up most of my Saturdays. I also get him to most of his medical and dental appointments, work with his doctors and nurses, and manage most of his life. But I also have a house, a demanding career (where I have a full team to manage and lead), a wife, a four year old, and pets. Everyone and everything deserves attention, of course, but these days I feel like I am constantly trying to pour from an empty container. I'm always exhausted, and I wake up nearly every night afraid that I missed something. Did dad take his pills? Did we miss any bills? Is my daughter OK? Did I hear her coughing? Did I miss something at work? Did I miss a page out? I have to get up and check my work phone. I'm just exhausted, and burnt out on all of it.
But today... He remembered my daughter's name, my brother's name, my wife's name, and even the names of cousins. He remembered his friends' names, he remembered his bills, and where he put them. He was even a bit spry when I took him shopping. He cracked jokes. He was in the best mood that I've seen him in in.... hell, maybe years? He understood everything that I was telling him, and HE TOLD ME about an upcoming appointment that he remembered. And man... I needed it. I needed an easier day. It is like a little bit of the weight lifted. I know that it is just one day, and he might be having these good days on the days when I am not over there to manage his home, but I usually see more difficult days. It isn't a whole lot, but tonight it feels like the vessel I am trying to pour from finally has a bit of something in it, it doesn't feel so empty.

I (18F) have always known my dad (53M) wasn’t the most healthy person in the world. For some context on my family and to make sure it’s a whole picture i’m basically going to trauma dump, so TW for sexual assault i guess? When i was two he and my mom(48F) got a divorce because he was using drugs and alcohol to cope with some of his past traumas, while never putting in any work to get past them. After the divorce he ended up being put in prison after receiving multiple DUI’s (im not entirely sure how it happened exactly, i was two or three when he was locked up) and it got him locked up till I was six. My mom, despite having every reason to speak badly of my father, never said anything negative about him. She would take me to visit him, let me read the letters he sent me (when i actually could read, and she would write my replies down for me), and always let me talk to him when he called. We lived with my grandparents while he was locked up. After he got out he spent a long time working to get past his unhealthy coping mechanisms. He lives with his parents for two years and i would visit often. When i was eight he finally had a stable enough job to have both me and my mother move back in with him. I was young, and stupid, and when they asked me if i was okay with it I said yes. We moved into a single wide mobile home in my dad’s home town. My entire life was uprooted and replanted. I began classes in my new school and was bullied for most of my time there. I was told to “suck it up, bullies aren’t that bad.” even though in middle school i was pushed down a very steep flight of stairs and almost broke my arm. My grades began slipping and i went from a gifted child to a burn out really quick. My dad would yell at me and my mom for my grades, then get mad when i couldn’t understand how explained something to me. By thirteen i was suicidal and it was “an attempt to get attention” according to my dad. He had begun to pick fights with my mom over the littlest things. The house wasn’t clean enough, she didn’t make dinner fast enough, my room was a mess. (it was the size of a medium sized walk in closet.) And then my older (half) brother moved in with us. He (32M, let’s call him Michael) had never had a stable life and my dad coddled him because he felt like he had failed him. He had, but Michael was always a screwed up dude, so it only added into it. Anyways, over the course of the next three years my older brother would come to sexually assault me about five times over the next three years. We ended up moving into a larger house when i was about fifteen and i ended up going into counseling and learning that i had been groomed and conditioned to be basically unaware of the trauma inflicted on my by my brother since i was a kid. My dad, when i was seven and my brother a teenager, would turn a blind eye to Michael basically bashing my head into the island counter whenever he would steal something like food from me. My grandparents would always intervene and he would call me a whiner. At night he would tell me all sorts of things and make it seem like he was my only friend in the world. He kept doing it my entire life. My father, who had stopped drinking, had begun again because my grandfather was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and has been fighting for him life since, it’s been about eight years i think since they had to pull him out of remission because the cancer came back. This is when he really became a nightmare. Depending on what type of alchohol he drinks his mood goes a few ways. Whiskey and he gets angry. Tequila and he gets all sappy and lovey dovey(this makes me very uncomfortable because he hasn’t ever been very openly affectionate), beer and he’s just a happy drunk, and wine and he gets sad. Sometimes it switches up but normally this is how it goes. After i finally told my parents about my brother and what he had done and him getting kicked out, he began to bury himself in alcohol. I had to get over it fast because he was blaming anyone within pissing distance. Eventually he would cry to me about how he had failed him son, to the daughter that his son had raped. it was really fucked up, and he only ever said that when he was drunk. (I want to say that my dad isn’t an inherently terrible person, he didn’t have a good life growing up and generational trauma hits hard.)He has been using drinking as a way to escape reality for a long time. It’s caused a great deal of arguments and both of my parents asking “what they do to deserve this” while my dad accuses me of treating him like garbage (he says the same thing to my mom). We’ve had to leave the house and spend a few days with other people before because i was scared he was going to hit us instead of the walls next time, multiple times. The most recent bought of fighting has been happening over the last three days. (for more context i moved out right after i turned eighteen, i became a manager at my workplace and was able to live with friends) I’ve been visiting my family and spending time with them since i haven’t really had time the past few months. I guess my mom found out that he had been receiving nudes from other women on messenger and wanted AT LEAST an apology. My dad blamed it on a married friend who was using his phone. it was a lie because he’s been receiving them almost every day. and commenting on them. it makes me sick to think about. he has begun blaming my mom for it. saying she ruined our old house, that she has to one up him, and saying “do you really wanna go there?” while he was the one who fucked up. After screaming at each other for nearly an hour he said he wanted to break up. My mom spiraled and wanted to kill herself. Her psychiatrist that she had a tele-health call with that day, asked me to basically watch my mom to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. I took her pills and asked my dad to lock up his guns. he took this as her “one -upping him”. Yesterday while i was back at my apartment i got a call from my mom explaining that he had gotten drunk and had told her to kill herself. She had left and was at a bridge to watch the water. I drove back in a panic since i live a town over. Today, my father was drunk again and asked me to go spend time alone so he could screw my mom. I didn’t want to be there so i showered and got ready to leave. Turns out their conversation had shifted and he was berating her for “not letting him discipline me”. I guess that after years of pent up anger never being touched on, i finally snapped and began yelling at him. I called him a hypocrite and he called me a bitch. And basically i left as he began to destroy things around the house. That was after i told him if he kept going this way i would cut contact. I’m currently sitting at our outdoor sports complex writing this because everyone i know is busy and i don’t want to bother them. I just needed to get it out. I don’t know if cutting contact is the right thing to do. Of if it makes me an asshole. I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Update to this post: https://old.reddit.com/birthcontrol/comments/1ctn3bbirth_control_fixed_my_asexuality/?ref=share&ref_source=link
So, I dug up some medical records because I was curious. I had gotten multiple hormone tests (age 19 & age 23) because of persistent depression (I am now 27).
They showed that even though my estrogen was in a "normal" range, it was verging on the lowest it could be without dipping into abnormal, no matter the phase of the month. Same with progesterone; the specific urine test I did had a low range of 1450 during luteal, and I got an off-the-charts low 222. Testosterone was normal.
I then compared it with a blood test I happened to get while on the BC; estrogen was at normal ranges, and HGH was high (too high, which is why I discontinued it, but that also must have been driving my libido). Progesterone was normal.
The only thing I can think is, I had 0 sex drive my entire life because of low estrogen. I finally found a wonderful, handsome, incredible dedicated partner who I was unbelievably attracted to, and now I can't even stand how he smells or want to have sex with him unless I'm taking a pill. That's so heartbreaking I can barely stand it.