I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

Welcome to our Spotlight On post series where you can share your picks of dramas that deserve the spotlight! Each Spotlight On post is focused on a genre or theme, as you can see in the post title. Based on this genre/theme, you are welcome to share your views about dramas you have watched that fit the topic of this post, which is:
Makjang
Makjang dramas (막장 드라마): A drama that is difficult to understand or accept based on common sense and moral standards of an average person. These dramas will often feature things such as forced situations/settings, tangled relationships, affairs, and birth secrets. Other hallmarks of makjang dramas include switched identities, revenge plots, power struggles, death (lots of it, especially due to murder), incest (often shown as undertones rather than real relationships), amnesia, blackmail, and evil rich people.
The word makjang (막장) is actually not an officially recognized word but rather a non-standard form of the word kkeutjang (끝장) (noun), which means the end or the conclusion (such as death or complete failure). In popular culture, the term makjang is used to represent the idea of having reached the extreme. In the context of dramas, makjang can refer to stylistic, tonal, or narrative elements in dramas that chooses to play up the outrageous and extreme in otherwise normal dramas or to the genre of dramas characterized by these outrageous and extreme elements. For more information, see the post Makjang 101: Taking Things To The Extreme for more information and explanation.
You are invited to share short (or long) reviews of dramas you have watched that fit the topic of this post and an explanation of why you think the drama deserves the spotlight, including whether you would recommend the drama or not.
Our suggested format/structure for comments is:
Drama Name

• Good Things: about the drama,
  
• Bad Things: about the drama
  
• Interesting Things: about the drama
  
• Spotlight On Because: explain why you think the drama deserves the spotlight, including whether you would recommend the drama or not.
  

We strongly encourage you to share your MDL profile so that others can compare their tastes with yours to get a better understanding of preferences and dislikes, which will help in understanding if the feedback provided is applicable for them.
Please remember that every individual watching goes in with their own life experiences and biases so not everyone will see the drama in the same light or enjoy it in the same way.
Just because someone did not enjoy a drama that you loved is not a slight against you as a person.
When participating in this discussion please remember that whilst dramas do not have feelings, human beings do. Be kind to one another.
Please remember to use spoiler tags when discussing major plot points or anything you think should be redacted. If you are using Markdown and not Fancy Pants Editor, the easiest way to create spoiler tags is to use > ! spoiler content ! < without spaces to get spoiler content. For more detailed guidance on spoiler tags and when to use them, check our Spoiler Tags Tutorial.

In today's digital age, the allure of online trading platforms is hard to resist. With promises of easy profits and user-friendly interfaces, these platforms attract traders from all walks of life. Among them, Londongroup Investments has garnered significant attention. But the burning question remains: is Londongroup Investments a legitimate trading platform, or is it a scam? Let's delve into the details.
One of the first steps in evaluating any trading platform is to consider user experiences. Feedback on Londongroup Investments is varied.
Many users commend the platform for its intuitive design and ease of use. The educational resources provided are a big hit, especially for beginners. These resources include tutorials, market analysis, and personalized support, which can significantly boost a trader's confidence and skill level. Users also appreciate the diverse range of trading instruments available, including forex, stocks, commodities, and cryptocurrencies. For many, Londongroup Investments has been a gateway to successful trading and financial growth.
However, not all feedback is rosy. Some traders have reported issues such as delayed withdrawal processes and unresponsive customer service. There are also complaints about inconsistencies in trading outcomes, which can be alarming. These negative experiences highlight potential risks and underscore the need for caution.
Regulation is a cornerstone of trust in the financial industry. Legitimate trading platforms are typically regulated by financial authorities, ensuring they adhere to industry standards and protect investor interests.
Londongroup Investments claims to operate under regulatory compliance. However, finding concrete evidence of this is challenging. Regulatory information is not easily accessible, raising questions about the platform's transparency and legitimacy. For any trading platform, clear regulatory status is essential for building trust with users.
Transparency in business practices is crucial for any trading platform. Londongroup Investments offers a user-friendly interface and a variety of trading tools. Still, there are concerns about the clarity of its fee structure, terms of service, and dispute resolution mechanisms.
Legitimate platforms usually provide clear and detailed information about their fees. Any ambiguity in this area can lead to unexpected charges and erode trust.
Understanding the terms of service is vital for traders to know what they are signing up for. Londongroup Investments needs to ensure that these terms are clear and accessible.
A transparent process for handling disputes is another key indicator of a trustworthy platform. Without it, traders may find themselves at a disadvantage in case of any issues.
One positive aspect of Londongroup Investments is its apparent dedication to trader education and success. The platform offers a wealth of resources aimed at helping traders improve their skills and make informed decisions. This commitment to education is a significant advantage and can greatly benefit traders, especially beginners.
Londongroup Investments prides itself on fostering an inclusive environment. It welcomes traders from all backgrounds and experience levels, which is a strong positive indicator. Inclusivity helps build a supportive community where traders feel valued and encouraged to explore new opportunities.
So, is Londongroup Investments a scam? The answer isn't black and white. The platform has both positive and negative aspects. While it offers some appealing features like a user-friendly interface, comprehensive educational resources, and a commitment to inclusivity, there are also significant concerns regarding regulatory compliance, transparency, and customer service

I have been using Docker for years now and never knew this until about 20min ago. I have never seen this mentioned anywhere or in any tutorial I have ever followed.
When you spin up a docker container using the host network its port mappings will override your firewall rules and open those ports, even if you already created a rule to block that port. Might not be that big of a deal unless you’re on a publicly accessible system like a VPS!
When you’re setting up a container you need to modify your port bindings for any ports you don’t want accessible over the internet.
Using NGINX Proxy Manager as an example:

ports: - ‘80:80’ - ‘443:443’ - ‘81:81’ 

Using these default port bindings will open all those ports to the internet including the admin UI on port 81. I would assume most of us would rather manage things through a VPN and only have the ports open that we truly need open. Especially considering that port 81 in this case is standard http and not encrypted.
To fix this was surprisingly easy. You need to bind the port to the interface you want. So if you only want local access use 127.0.0.1 but in my example I’m using Tailscale.

ports: - ‘80:80’ - ‘443:443’ - ‘100.0.0.1:81:81’ 

This will still allow access to port 81 for management, but only through my Tailscale interface. So now port 81 is no longer open to the internet, but I can still access it through Tailscale.
Hopefully this is redundant for a lot of people. However I assume if I have gone this long without knowing this then I’m probably not the only one. Hopefully this helps someone.

Update:

There seems to be a decent amount of people in the comments who don't seem to realize this is not really referring to systems behind NAT. This post is mostly referring to those who are directly open to the internet where you are expected to manage your own firewall in the OS. Systems such as VPS's, or maybe someone who put their server directly in a DMZ. Any system where there is no other firewall in front of it.

Hello, I’ve owned logic for a few years, but I’ve been a long time pro tools user instead. I’m getting sick and tired of paying $300 a year for “industry standard” software that constantly crashes. With all these cool new logic updates I want to make the switch back to logic. Does anybody have any video tutorials or books that they could recommend that help with the switch? thanks!

My end-of-course assignment must be done in PowerPoint. Now, let me preface all this by saying that I don't like this assignment, I don't think it should be in PowerPoint, but I'm beholden to my dept chair since our courses are standardized and we aren't allowed to deviate from what's been created.
Every semester I spend the last two weeks of class acting as tech support for students who've never seen PowerPoint in their lives. From what I've gathered, most of them have never used a presentation software before. I warn them all semester that if they've never used PPT, they need to download it (they get it free through the college) and start playing around with it to get familiar. I send them tutorial videos as well.
But nothing seems to help. They either don't bother with the warnings and resources, or still struggle even with them. I field more questions about PPT than about the subject matter of the course (probably three fold).
What would you do in this situation (aside from what I've already done, which is to beg the chair to change the assignment)? My class is NOT "How to use MS Products".

Dear Community!
When i learned Xamarin forms, the guy in the tutorial made us aware that we should use * units when defining the width of columns, height of rows of grids and everything else where we would define such things. I was now confused to why exactly. He mentioned that this is so that it looks the same on all devices, however, xamarin forms and .netMaui use device independent units as the standard for width and heights right? Aren't these units exactly created such that 60DIP for example looks the same no matter if it is some old smartphone from the 2010s or the new Ipad pro? What is now the difference from using * or DIP?

As I sat at my desk, headphones on, listening to a voice message from a friend who was halfway across the world, I marveled at how technology had shrunk distances. Yet, it wasn’t until I stumbled upon VoiceClonerAI that I truly appreciated the leaps in voice technology. This isn’t just an AI voice changer app download; it’s a revolution in how we perceive and utilize voices in our digital age.
VoiceClonerAI is, without a doubt, the best voice cloning AI app I've encountered. My journey into the world of voice cloning started out of pure curiosity. I had read about how AI could replicate voices but was skeptical. How could an app capture the nuances, the emotions, and the idiosyncrasies of a human voice? I decided to try VoiceClonerAI, touted as the best AI voice clone app, and the results were nothing short of astonishing.
The first time I used VoiceClonerAI, I was struck by its intuitive interface. It didn't require any technical expertise, which was a relief. I simply uploaded a short audio clip of my voice, and within minutes, the app had created a digital replica that sounded eerily similar to me. The AI voice cloner app had not only captured my tone and pitch but also my unique speech patterns.
Using VoiceClonerAI opened up a world of possibilities. For fun, I used it to prank friends with messages that sounded exactly like me but with outrageous content. However, the app’s potential goes far beyond entertainment. Imagine a world where you can preserve the voices of loved ones, narrate audiobooks in your own voice, or create personalized virtual assistants that speak like you. The applications are endless and exciting.
One of the most remarkable features of VoiceClonerAI is its ability to clone voices with such high fidelity. Unlike other apps that produce robotic or flat imitations, VoiceClonerAI delivers a dynamic and realistic output. This precision makes it the best voice cloning AI app for professional use. Voiceover artists can use it to expand their range, and content creators can save hours by having the AI replicate their voices for various projects.
The technology behind VoiceClonerAI is sophisticated yet user-friendly. It employs advanced neural networks to analyze and reproduce the intricate details of a voice. This AI cloning voice technology ensures that every inflection and intonation is captured, making the clone almost indistinguishable from the original. For someone who values authenticity in digital interactions, this app is a game-changer.
What truly sets VoiceClonerAI apart from other voice cloning apps is its commitment to quality and privacy. The developers have implemented robust security measures to ensure that your voice data is safe. This focus on privacy is crucial in an age where data breaches are all too common. Users can rest assured that their personal information and voice recordings are protected.
In my own experience, the applications of this AI voice cloner app have been transformative. As a writer and podcaster, I’ve used VoiceClonerAI to create multiple voice tracks without needing to re-record the same lines. This has not only saved time but has also allowed for a consistent sound across my episodes. Moreover, the ability to tweak the AI-generated voice has given me creative control that I never thought possible.
For businesses, the implications are even more profound. Customer service departments can use cloned voices to handle routine inquiries, ensuring that customers always hear a familiar, friendly voice. This personalized touch can significantly enhance customer satisfaction and loyalty. Additionally, marketing teams can create customized ads and messages that resonate more deeply with their audience, using a voice they already trust.
Despite its advanced capabilities, VoiceClonerAI remains accessible and easy to use. The app is available for download on multiple platforms, making it convenient for anyone to start cloning voices in no time. Whether you’re a tech enthusiast eager to explore new frontiers or a professional looking to optimize your workflow, this AI voice changer app download is a must-try.
In conclusion, VoiceClonerAI is more than just the best AI voice clone app; it's a glimpse into the future of voice technology. By seamlessly blending advanced AI with user-friendly design, it offers unparalleled voice cloning capabilities that can be harnessed for both personal and professional use. As I continue to explore its features, I am constantly amazed by its potential to transform how we interact with digital voices. Whether for preserving memories, enhancing creativity, or streamlining business operations, VoiceClonerAI is setting the standard for what an AI voice cloner app can achieve.
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Debating giving XI a try. Played the heck out of FFI-X but the series kind of left what I liked with XII and XIII and I never played XI.
I'm debating giving it a shot since the Seeker's edition is on sale on steam but had a couple questions;

1. Is the plot really that good, or is it just good by MMO standards? I don't need every quest to be amazing or indepth, but if it's a tacked on main story in between endless fetch quests it might not be my thing.
2. How viable is playing this as a functionally 'single player' game? I don't play MMOs normally but from what I understand it's good manners to skip cutscenes for dungeons/raids/etc so everyone else isn't waiting on you. I'm looking to more enjoy it like I would FFX so if I can play solo that lets me go through the cutscenes and content at my own pace.
3. Can I mostly succeed with main quest content or do I need to grind a ton of side content and daily stuff otherwise I'll be vastly underpowered/leveled? I'd probably like to play as a Paladin, if that matters vs other classes. Similarly do I need to comb through wikis and posts to get any good, or does the game have decent tutorials or even a little hand-holding. Since I don't normally play MMOs I only have a basic knowledge (Tank/HealeDamage roles, concept of aggro, etc).

I realize this is the FFXI sub so most people will be fans, but thought I'd ask since you're likely to have current opinions at least (and reviews that are 5,10, 15 years old might now reflect the current status much).
Thanks!
Edit: Thanks everyone! You've given me some great input. I may hold off for now and either watch a youtube cutscene compilation first to see if it's got enough to get my interest or do a free trial for a week or two once I've got a bit more time to see if it's for me.

Packaging Guidelines

1. Product Packaging

When preparing your products for shipment to Amazon FBA warehouses, it is essential to adhere to Amazon's strict packaging guidelines to avoid potential issues such as damaged inventory or delays in processing. Each product must be securely packaged to withstand the rigors of transportation and storage.

• Use Sturdy Packaging Materials: Opt for high-quality packaging materials such as corrugated cardboard boxes, bubble wrap, or air pillows to provide adequate protection to your products during transit.
• Properly Secure Items: Ensure that items are properly secured within the packaging to prevent movement and minimize the risk of damage.
• Avoid Excessive Packaging: While it's important to protect your products, avoid excessive packaging materials that could increase shipping costs and environmental impact.
• Labeling: Clearly label each package with the Amazon barcode and any additional labels required by Amazon, such as suffocation warnings for poly bags.

2. Box Content Information

Amazon requires sellers to provide detailed information about the contents of each box shipped to their fulfillment centers to facilitate efficient processing and inventory management. Failure to comply with box content information requirements can result in delays and penalties.

• Include Packing Slips: Place packing slips or invoices inside each box to provide Amazon with essential information about the contents, including SKU numbers, quantities, and product descriptions.
• Use Standardized Labels: Use standardized labels provided by Amazon to indicate the box's contents, including the shipment ID, box ID, and total number of boxes in the shipment.
• Follow Packing Guidelines: Organize products within each box according to Amazon's packing guidelines, such as grouping similar items together and ensuring efficient use of space to minimize void fill.

Shipping Label Requirements

1. Amazon Barcodes

Amazon utilizes barcodes to track and identify products within its fulfillment centers accurately. As a seller, you are required to affix Amazon barcodes to each individual product and package to ensure seamless integration into Amazon's inventory system.

• Barcode Types: Amazon supports various barcode types, including UPC, EAN, and ASIN, depending on the product category and listing requirements.
• Label Placement: Affix Amazon barcodes to the exterior of each product or package in a prominent and easily scannable location to facilitate swift processing and inventory management.
• Barcode Accuracy: Ensure that barcodes are legible and accurately represent the corresponding product to prevent misidentification and inventory discrepancies.

2. Carrier Labels

In addition to Amazon barcodes, sellers must also attach carrier labels provided by the shipping carrier (e.g., UPS, FedEx) to each shipment to facilitate transportation and delivery to Amazon's fulfillment centers.

• Shipping Carrier Requirements: Familiarize yourself with the specific labeling requirements of your chosen shipping carrier, including label size, format, and placement, to ensure compliance and prevent delays.
• Print Quality: Ensure that carrier labels are printed with high-quality ink and resolution to prevent smudging or illegibility during transit.
• Accuracy: Double-check the accuracy of carrier labels, including shipping addresses, tracking numbers, and service codes, to avoid delivery errors and ensure timely arrival at Amazon's warehouses.

Utilizing Amazon Seller Tools
Jungle Scout offers a comprehensive suite of tools and resources designed to assist e-commerce sellers in navigating the shipping requirements for sending products to Amazon FBA warehouses. With its robust features, sellers can optimize their shipping strategy, minimize errors, and maximize efficiency when preparing products for shipment.
The software enables sellers to conduct in-depth product research, analyzing market trends, demand levels, and competition to identify high-demand products with favorable shipping characteristics. Additionally, users have access to valuable shipping logistics data, including estimated shipping fees and real-time shipment tracking, helping them accurately budget and monitor deliveries.
This platform provides educational resources and tutorials on Amazon FBA shipping requirements, equipping sellers with the knowledge and tools needed to confidently prepare and send products to fulfillment centers. By empowering users with comprehensive information and guidance, Jungle Scout ensures a seamless shipping experience, ultimately leading to greater success in e-commerce endeavors.

Conclusion

Navigating the shipping requirements for sending products to Amazon FBA warehouses is crucial for e-commerce sellers seeking to optimize their operations and maximize their sales potential. By adhering to Amazon's packaging guidelines and shipping label requirements, sellers can streamline their shipping process, minimize the risk of errors or delays, and enhance their overall selling experience on the Amazon platform.
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Device info
Computer Type: Desktop
GPU: ASUS R9 390X DirectU 2
CPU: RYZEN 5 PRO 4650G 6 CORE 12 THREADS 3.70 GHz
Motherboard: ASRock A520M-HDV
BIOS Version: 7C56v15
RAM: 2 of: Kingston FURY Beast DDR4 3200MHz 8GB
PSU: Corsair CX750M
Case: ?
Operating System & Version: WINDOWS 10 HOME 19045
GPU Drivers: None: Display adapters, Microsoft Basic Display Adapter
Chipset Drivers: Standard SATA ACHI controller
Background Applications: Only apps that come with default windows 10 install
Description of Original Problem: Windows was acting wacky and would not update so i clean booted windows. Everything went fine and n Automatic updates when trying to install drivers go the Blue screen Error Amdkmdag.sys VIDEO_TDR_FAILURE Blue screen.
Troubleshooting: Recognized that my GPU is so old that the drivers are legacy software. So i loaded a restore point before the error and tried to install the drivers. Getts to aournd 54 % screen turn black and givs the same error. Tried following tutorials to fix issue, https://www.stellarinfo.com/blog/fix-amdkmdag-sys-bsod-erro, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8OLhUAPDq0&ab_channel=JayzTwoCents, https://www.stellarinfo.com/blog/fix-amdkmdag-sys-bsod-erro,. None of these solutions worked whenever i tried to install drives just still got the same error.
Kind of at a loss of what i'm supposed to do. Is it related to my version of windows or is there something else i have not considered.

So for a while or so I've been playing older Sonic games just to see if they still held up. So far a majority of the games I played were at the very least good with some of the best ones being Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic rush. But something that might be my biggest Sonic hot take ever is that Heroes is one of the worst games in the entire Sonic series(unpopular opinion I know but let me explain myself). And just a heads up this is gonna be a long one because I got a lot to say about this game.
Because this game has a lot of aspects that I don’t like, I'm going to first touch on some aspects I actually like about the game. Even though not every character was written the best I will say some stand out characters I enjoyed are Cream and Omega, especially Omega but I wanna touch on Cream first. Ever since reading the IDW comics I've always had a soft spot for Cream just from how innocent and adorable she was and that sentiment continued with how she was paired with Blaze in Sonic Rush. I was admittedly nervous about how she would be portrayed in Heroes for reasons I'll get into later but she was handled alright. Nothing too groundbreaking but she kept her cute nature and even had some small moments of sass which was nice. The real star of the show was E-123 Omega. He really only has one thing on his mind with destroying Eggman and doesn’t really go through any sort of character arc, but that’s fine with me because the dude’s funny as hell with how aggressive and angry he is. He doesn’t have much of a face or eyes that are able to emote but you can still tell exactly what he’s thinking. I can’t explain why but every piece of dialogue that comes out of his…mouth?....speakers?...is hysterical. From “ANNIHILATE” to “USELESS CONSUMER MODELS” even down to when he says “GOOD” every time you pop an item box or balloon every quote is comedy gold with how monotone his voice is. The chemistry each team has with each other is nice to watch since from their dialogue you can tell that these trios have known each other for a while, are good friends with one another, or in Team Dark’s case just work friends(but their banter is still entertaining with how Omega keeps telling them to stay focused). And the music is good but as a Sonic fan that’s par for the course at this point. What I’m Made Of is a stand out banger for me.
But unfortunately that’s where all the positives end as we move into the negatives with one of the biggest being the physics of the game being poorly optimized. Throughout my playthrough I have run into so many bugs or victims of poor game design that I’ve lost count. But over half of my deaths have been due to the fact that there are no invisible walls to act as safety nets for players incase they misclick or even do something as simple as do a homing attack or perform a 3 hit combo with a power character, the latter happening way too often because power characters are the most reliable way to deal with enemies. Enemies bumping you are also a common way to die but not because of running out or rings, but because of the lack of walls keeping you on the platforms. Speaking of the homing attack, with how the movement physics work with speed characters I never use them because they end up being too slippery to control with instances where it feels like I'm fighting for control just so I can move forward in a straight line or hit a boost pad on a loop. The Light Speed Dash works whenever it feels like it and there’s no way to aim the homing attack so you pretty much have to press A twice and pray that rn-Jesus does you nice, otherwise you’re falling down a pit like you’re Scrooge McDuck diving into a vault of gold coins. And remember how I said enemies bumping you off cliffs was a common way to die? Well they can also just combo you for free because this game has no invincibility frames meaning you can get hit once and then instantly die if you or one of your teammates doesn’t pick up a ring right after being hit. This is especially apparent in horde fights like Robot Storm where you can get easily swarmed. And a staple mechanic from Sonic Adventure 2 that was butchered in this followup was the rail grinding. It was super fun to build up speed by balancing and crouching but now you just mash B with any real sense of speed being from a speed character. And heaven forbid you decided to grind rail with a flight character unless you like sliding at the speed of a snail, but you might wanna do that anyway to be save because if you switch rails the game doesn’t magnetize your character to it risking you to just shoot yourself off the map just for swapping rails or getting off of a rail.
Another awful aspect with the game is the team mechanic itself. It’s an interesting idea on paper to be able to swap between 3 characters to perform different actions based on what the level throws at you. But the problem with that is not every formation is balanced. The flying formation is awful in every way. The totem formation itself looks weird and looks especially janky with how it looks when going off a set of springs or going through a dash panel loop. How it controls itself makes absolutely no sense either; you jump and jump again to fly which drains a meter, which makes sense since Tails worked in a similar way back in Sonic 2 and still works like that in every other 2D classic style game. But I didn’t learn until the last story that the gauge only drains if you move forwards and won’t drain if you don’t move forward which not only makes no sense but doesn’t work like that in Sonic 2 at all. And whenever the meter runs out you might think that you would just glide down to the floor right? No. Instead the game halts all of your momentum and has you fall straight down like a boulder making flying based platforming impossible which was not the case in Sonic 2. And for some reason there’s a limit for how high you can go even though there’s already a limit you can fly for. Wanna know what game allows you to fly as long as you want until you run out of stamina? SONIC FUCKING 2 ON THE SEGA GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE. Sonic Heroes not only came out 10 years after Sonic 2 but was released on more powerful consoles so I'm baffled that they didn’t even try to make any of this shit work in any similar fashion. And this gets even worse for Sonic Heroes because you know how I just described how they would have improved the flying mechanics in Sonic Heroes? Well it WORKS EXACTLY HOW I JUST EXPLAINED IN SONIC ADVENTURE FOR THE THE DREAMCAST 1999. What the hell were they thinking with this!? This makes absolutely no fucking sense. And the Thunder Shoot attack? It doesn’t do much except paralyze enemies and hit targets meant to help you move forward in levels. Except it only does one of these things correctly since the game doesn’t auto target the targets meaning 90% of the time you’ll be constantly throwing your teammates into the ether while missing entirely as you try again and again to change your angle to hit the target just so you can move on with the average 10 minute level. And the switches you’re meant to pull are janky in their own right but the switches you have to fly for are the worst since no matter how close you get to that switch the game won’t register what you’re trying to do which is annoying as balls. And as the finishing touch all flying character have no differences in gameplay despite slight animations and apparently they have this unique attack they can do if they don’t have party members to throw with Thunder Shoot by pressing B again...but the game doesn’t tell you that and even knew that you’ll never see it in practice because if you toss a teammate with Thunder Shoot they’ll come back almost instantly.
And the biggest failure is that you can no longer spin dash in this game. It’s no big deal, it’s not like they removed one of Sonic’s most essential moves in his arsenal that was present all the way from Sonic 2 and was even in Sonic Adventure 1 and 2, useless crap like that. Instead you have to use the stupid Rocket Accel which can’t be activated instantly like the spin dash with instead having the player get a running start to have your teammate boost you forward that doesn’t go as far as the spin dash in Sonic Adventure 1 and 2. It’s an alright concept that would be fine to keep if the spin dash remained in the game and not replaced with some trash faker that doesn’t hold up to the original. Which leaves us with the power formation which is the best formation by far but not by much. Power is the easiest one to control since it allows you to properly control your character at a moderate speed, a novel concept I know. But combo attacks that involve the character moving forward in a short burst are risky to use since you could wind up pushing yourself off the map which happens way more often than you’d think and more often than it should. And because they have to share data with all the playable teams they away Knuckles’ ability to climb walls in favor of a tacky looking team glide for platforming just like they took away the Spin Dash.
Another team related mechanic the game introduces is something called the “Team Blast” which has a gauge fill up every time you deal damage to enemies or collect rings no matter how you collect said rings(remember this for later). When a team gauge is filled you can perform a Team Blast by pressing Z that acts as a screen wipe that clears almost every enemy on screen. I say almost because it doesn’t really remove every enemy on screen because some doof over at Sonic Team thought it would be a good idea to give an ultimate attack that’s meant to wipe out all enemies on screen with a limited range, which is smaller than you’d think by the way. Each Team Blast has their own special effect that appears for around 10 seconds after the attack is used which i’ll be talking about when I talk about each team on their own but know that after Team Sonic’s Team Blast Sonic will be able to use the Light Speed Attack from Adventure 1 and 2…but that’s useless when you’re able to still fight as Knuckles and it fucks up your Thunder Shoot when attacking bosses.
And the next fancy mechanic they try adding in is the new level system. And I hate this system so much. The idea of the level system is that your character starts off dealing an ok amount of damage but can get stronger the more you level up by collecting orbs that can drop from enemies. Speed characters get a stronger spin dash, flight characters get a stronger Thunder Shoot, and power characters get stronger combo enders. The problem is that in terms of combat no Sonic game has ever worked like this. For the most part every enemy in a Sonic game that came out before and after Heroes is able to be one shot by a simple jump, roll, spin dash, homing attack, mech shot, boost or punch with the only exceptions I can name off the top of my head being Sonic Rush, Sonic Unleashed’s night stages, and Sonic Frontiers. But those 3 examples are excusable since with Rush it’s only one enemy that has more than 1 HP that doesn’t spawn often and with the other 2 being based more on combat than speeding through levels as fast as possible. Your team will only be satisfying to play after everyone as at the maximum level of level 3 which can be difficult to do since whichever orbs enemies drop when defeated are not only random for when exactly they’ll drop but it’s also completely random who the level up is meant for. Imagine needing to level up your power character to get through a large horde of enemies but instead all the levels go to the other 2 teammates that are virtually useless in a fight. “Ah dammit, I needed a power orb to get to level 2…ah well might as well give my other teammates their 50th orb of the fight.” The only ways to get guaranteed levels for a certain character is with certain item boxes and balloons scattered throughout the level and with checkpoints but the latter only works for the character leading the formation when touching the checkpoint, not to mention they’re single use only. And say you grinded all those levels so you can blitz through this level, guess what, if you die all of your levels get reset and it doesn’t matter if you only lose a life or game over. And i’ve made it very clear how easy it is to unintentionally kill yourself in this game.
Something else that isn’t properly explained is the hidden difficulty system. The problem is that each team campaign has a hidden difficulty system but the game doesn’t tell you that at all unless you want to willingly listen to Omochao(note that I played the tutorial and afterwards I actively avoided his tips on the main menu). The difficulty from easy to hard is Teams Rose, Sonic, Dark, and Chaotix being a gimmick team but the game orders them from Sonic, Dark, Rose, Chaotix which is bad game design because not only are people gonna wanna play as the main character Sonic the Hedgehog, but with how the stories are laid out players would instinctively play from left to right causing them to play the game on normal, hard, easy, and then gimmick which doesn’t make too much sense. I knew the difficulty levels before going in but I played in order of Sonic, Rose, Dark, Chaotix because I like Sonic as a character. But what I wasn’t prepared for is that this game is kinda hard even on the normal difficulty because the game is full of jank that can just kill you for playing the game as intended.
But now for Team Rose and Team Dark. Team Rose is so piss easy that it’s insulting for players who are well affirmed with the series. For one they force you to play the tutorial even after you’ve completed a story previously. Which btw this is the most bullshit tutorial in the history of gaming. Most games have pop ups with button commands and visuals to help the player out or they let the player figure things out themselves. Sonic Heroes does neither of these but instead have this little annoying ass robotic fuck hold your hand throughout the entire thing. What makes this worse is that every time he pops up to tell you what to do your character is stuck in place as you gotta wait for him to shut up so you can play the game only for you to be stopped by his rambling again and again and again until it’s finally over. And most of the skills players can learn on their own since it’s not that hard to just press a random button and get immediate feedback of “oh this button does this? cool beans''. Their moveset is also broken with Amy’s tornado attack being a moving projectile meaning you don’t have to willingly get in contact with the enemy in order to use it, Big having a combo that doesn’t have him move so he can’t fall off the map along with a broken belly flop that’s good for not only combat but weirdly enough platforming, and Cream…she’s just the flier. Their Team Blast is just a win button for no good reason. Not only does it give all of your teammates a free level, not only does it give your team a shield, but it makes your entire team INVINCIBLE. Ok game I get it, stop treating me like a baby. And the finishing touch is that all the levels are cut in half. Awesome. Setting up unrealistic expectations for newcomers and disrespecting older players in one foul swoop.
And then there’s Team Dark…oh Team Dark…when they said this was the “hard” mode they were lying. Because it should’ve been called “kaizo” mode. Enemies are everywhere including places they shouldn’t be, the amount of rings available is greatly reduced, And the bosses become borderline impossible to beat at times(except for the rival fights but we’ll get to that). And not only are there more enemies but the stronger variants of said enemies spawn more frequently. And you’d think their Team Blast would make things better, well yes and no but here’s why. Their Team Blast freezes time completely and I mean completely. Rings don’t spin, projectiles don’t move, even the timer doesn’t tick down. But the most annoying part is if you’re using your Team Blast to try and move forward the puzzles are stuck in time too until the gauge runs out so you gotta sit and wait to move on. And even after you move on the game will probably toss 3 giant armored robots at you at once that fight like mini-bosses(if you know you know) immediately after your Team Blast just ran out.
But before I talk about the final team with Team Chaotix I wanna talk about the level design! Yippee! Except not really because it’s all terrible. The locations and themes are unique in their own right but each level suffers from their own issues coupled with all the bugs that can kill you outright without the player having any time to think about what just happened. Ignoring the main bugs, Seaside Hill and Ocean Palace are fine first levels in all honesty. Power Plant’s elevator section is long and tedious and it’s worse if you have a character than use the Light Speed Dash along with a super stressful rising lava section that you gotta hurry up to climb or else you’re dead. But oooh nooo it’s not that easy because the lava moves faster along with the player which means if you’re too slow, you die and if you’re too fast…you die. Casino Park and Bingo Highway have pinball mechanics that will leave you stuck in one of the tables forever unless you’re a pinball god or just lucky. And we just love games marketed at children that encourage gambling addictions, especially if said gambling minigames are rng. Rail Canyon and Bullet Station rely entirely on rails which don’t work properly as I said before and Bullet Station in particular has a cannon that’s supposed to shoot you onto another rail track but in actuality it fires you straight into the death zone if you’re unaware about this and hold forward…and because it’s a Sonic the Hedgehog game you’re gonna do that. “Gotta go fast” and all that. Frog Forest and Lost Jungle have flying flowers that are so jittery they’re impossible to control, swinging vines with an awkward timing window, and it ends on a chase sequence against a giant crocodile that relies on the janky vines that last way too long. Hang Castle and Mystic Mansion are puzzle-filled mazes with ghost enemies that show up at the worst of times to jumpscare you…which is all the time, and everything else(we all know these levels sucks moving on). Egg Fleet and Final Fortress have tons of bullshit cannons that can home in on you, can snipe you out of the air which can hit you out of a platforming segment and send you falling to your death, crumbling floors, everything’s in the sky so there’s almost no floor to stand on, and rails. The worst part about it all is that all 4 campaign’s use the same exact 14 levels. You heard me right. ALL 4 CAMPAIGNS USE THE EXACT SAME LEVELS. Sonic Adventure 2 had 2 campaigns with levels that heavily differed from each other one way or another. Each campaign has either a speed level, a treasure level, or a mech level and even then it’s not equal to how many levels each type of level gets and each level has a different setting and music track. Rush is the one case I can think of where the campaigns had minor differences. Only thing is that those differences are huge. The levels are the same but they’re in a different order for Sonic and Blaze, Blaze plays completely differently from Sonic, Blaze gets her own music tracks, and Sonic has to use special stages to get the Chaos Emeralds while Blaze doesn’t need any to get the Sol Emeralds. And at the end of every other stage you gotta face off against-
Bosses! They all suck for different reasons. The mech fights boil down to mashing homing attacks like it’s a Mario Party minigame, the rival team fights are a joke, and the horde fights…oh my god the horde fights. I’m just gonna rip the band-aid off here. ROBOT. FUCKING. STORM. This is not only the worst “level” in Sonic Heroes but the worst boss fight out of any Sonic game I have ever played. Team Sonic’s is hard enough as is, Team Rose’s is a pushover(as is every boss in their campaign really), Team Chaotix…we’ll get to them later. But Team Dark’s has to be the boss fight that throws the bullshit at you. Don’t believe me well then let’s see here, we got; a long robot gauntlet that feels like it takes years to get over with, more enemies that spawn with a lot of them being the stronger variants of the enemies we’ve already be accustomed to, multiple giant hammer wielding robots paired with either robots that heal them or robots that sap all your rings which because it’s a Sonic game it’s basically life steal, and because this game was programmed with monkeys holding hammers the enemies will constantly knock your ass off the map and there is NOTHING you can do about it except pray. Pray to rn-Jesus that you can make it out alive with what little sanity is left in your body. And after all that Eggman has the balls to say what I'd call the worst line in any Sonic game, “Don’t get too excited boys! Those were the easy ones!”. It’s genuinely unbelievable that such a level exists. This was marketed towards kids. How is fucking little Casey who just got Sonic Heroes as their first video game gonna beat this shit? He’s not. Because the developers didn’t think about that just like they didn’t think about anything in this game except making a “fun” gimmick. But that’s not all. Because there’s one more boss...
Egg Emperor…and the bullshit continues. I definitely know what true evil is when facing this boss all right. The fight consists of running across a few platforms before making your way over to a bigger arena. The boss only has 3 attacks but 2 of them are what make this boss a slog to get through. He can fire energy waves by swinging his lance like he’s Cloud Strife and a charge attack that has no weaknesses that the game says activates whenever you’re too far from him. Because this is a Sonic game I figured that meant he can only charge if you’re too slow, but if you manage to run ahead of him he’ll charge anyway. But if you get too close to him you could risk either getting hit by a lance beam or by his massive hurtbox. And you might be thinking “why don’t you homing attack the body at that point?” and that’s because he has a shield that blocks all attacks and it’s only worth attacking his body after the second part of the fight where you go to that arena section. In the arena section you have to destroy some cannons and defeat some enemies before getting to the big man himself. You can make him drop his shield by using Thunder Shoot and follow up with your Power character but you probably wouldn’t do as much damage as you were hoping for since in order to do any real damage you’ll have to level your Power character up to level 3 which could take forever in this fight. After a certain amount of time the boss will flee causing you to chase after him again and repeat the boss cycle. But don’t go too fast because then you’ll wind up smacking right into his body or he’ll swat you out the air like a fly with a lance beam attack. And you can’t go too slow or else he’ll just charge at you which if he does it at the wrong time he can intercept your approach and boop you off the map meaning you’ll be dead. And if you thought that was enough, because the developers don’t know how to properly make things different between campaigns you have to fight this motherfucker 4 SEPARATE TIMES. And it doesn’t matter what campaign you go through because you’ll always have a tough time regardless of difficulty. I know it’s the final boss and that it’s meant to be a challenge but holy shit tone it down, there’s kids playing this shit.
And the last campaign involves Team Chaotix and they’re by far my favorite team to play as…and they still have problems. Instead of going through levels the same way you did 3 separate times already it instead focuses on missions. And I have mixed feelings about this. It’s great because it finally keeps things fresh and gives the player another way to experience the game that isn’t platforming focused. The problem is the fact that it’s still the same levels, levels that were meant for an action platformer instead of things finding an x amount of…I don’t know seashells. While the treasure hunting stages were my least favorite aspect of Sonic Adventure 2 they at least did a better job with the concept than some of the collecting missions in Heroes since the maps are built specifically for this kind of gameplay and there was at least a tracker telling you if you were going in the right direction. The Chaotix has you searching through levels you’re meant to speed through while not giving you any sort of tracker to tell you if you’re in the right direction. The Casino Park one in particular was the worst one because of the instructions: “Win 200 Rings!”. Anyone who sees this probably assumes they mean to use the slot machines since we’re a casino level with slot machines built into the pinball tables. But the thing is you can easily just collect 200 rings by playing the stage. But the game doesn’t say collect 200 rings, it says win 200 rings which is the dumbest piece of misinformation in this game and that’s saying something since this game loves to withhold information from the player for no reason. Like did you know you can fire your Thunder Shoot at nothing to charge your team gauge? Or that even though the game says to use a Speed character’s tornado to deal with shield enemies Power characters can punch right through them no problem? You probably didn’t because the game doesn’t tell you this. Anyway the stealth missions are the best ones because Espio’s invisibility is broken. And their Team Blast causes any enemy destroyed to turn into rings and for the duration of the meter any enemy destroyed turns into rings. This is the most broken move in the game. Why? Well remember when I said that the Team Gauge charges from attacking enemies and collecting rings? Well the game counts any rings collected towards the meter. Meaning if you destroy enough enemies at once with this attack you can immediately get your gauge back to repeatedly use again and again. It’s such an easy exploit to pull off that I'm not even surprised that this was left unchecked in all honesty. It even makes the dreaded Robot Storm look like a joke.
So that’s it. You beat all the 4 campaigns and you’d think that it’s time for the usual last story, right?...right? Well unfortunately special stages make a return and with that the 7 Chaos Emeralds. And this is by far the worst one. In the past special stages were unlocked by method of holding at least 50 rings until the end of the stage and jumping into a warp ring in Sonic 1 or holding at least 50 rings and jumping into a star post in Sonic 2 or by jumping into a giant warp ring hidden in the level in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Sonic Heroes decided they wanna be a bit quirky in a horrible way. In order to access the special stages in this game you have to collect a key hidden in the stage and bring that key with you until the end of the level or mission in order to unlock the special stages and collect the Emeralds…there’s so much wrong with this…Not only is it already easy for the game to send your ass to the shadow realm for existing but if you get hit and lose your key it doesn’t just fall out like rings do, it disappears completely meaning you’ll have to reload at a checkpoint or worse, restart the entire level every single time you get hit. And after you get through that bullshit we get to the special stage itself…if you’ve played this game you already know what’s up. The special stage acts similarly to the half pipe in Sonic 2 but except it’s a full enclosed pipe you run around in. The goal is to collect orbs to fill your boost meter and speed ahead to catch the emerald. It sounds very simple but remember, this game was coded by monkeys with hammers so the physics don’t function. Your character will constantly jitter around while moving making positioning yourself impossible when trying to collect the orbs. You have to pick between a Power or Speed character because Flight characters are too slow to do anything but even then you’re picking your poison. Do you wanna control your character better at the cost of speed or do you wanna go fast in order to get the emerald quickly at the cost of controlling your character? ‘Cause that’s exactly what it feels like. And I'm still not done because each Emerald is locked into every other stage. Sonic 1, 2, and 3 & Knuckles allows you to get the Emeralds as easy as the first 2 or 3 zones if you know what you’re doing. If you miss an emerald in one of the few stages they appear in you’ll have to repeat the level and do everything I just explained ALL OVER AGAIN. WHAT KIND OF COLLECTOR HATING SADISTIC BASTARD THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA WHEN THE EMERALDS ARE REQUIRED TO BEAT ALL OF THE STORY!? Before going in I knew how bad the special stages were while being blissfully unaware how bad the unlock requirements were so I used save states(yes I used an emulator) to collect the emeralds in a timely fashion. Not only did this end up taking longer than expected even with save states but I was forced to keep using them for every time I got hit, sent off the stage, or missed the Emerald causing my save file to corrupt and erase all my data. Which caused the auto save to fail and use exclusively save states to progress. And let me tell you, nothing’s scarier than booting up the game and discovering all of your save data has been completely erased even after you completed 2 campaigns previously.
Before I get into the last couple topics of discussion I'll touch on some minor things that don’t warrant their own paragraph individually. The voice acting is hit or miss with stand outs like Omega and Sonic and then there’s instances of some of the worst voice acting in the series with Tails where they deadass brought an 8 year old to voice the character. “Look at all those Eggman’s robots!”. But it gets weirder since Cream was voiced by an actual voice actress and Charmy was voiced by a teenager. Doesn’t help that the game has the characters not stop talking for every single damn action in the game. It’s the same cheesy lines for the entire playthrough. The game looks ugly with the admittedly improved models having textures that look like they’re plastic toys ready to be sold in some Walmart or Target. The pre rendered cutscenes might be revolutionary at the time but are horribly dated by today’s standards and the in game cutscenes that start at the beginning of boss fights and levels look extremely jittery and stiff with characters’ arms flailing to move into position, Omega’s eyes constantly bugging out, and the camera repeatedly having a stroke. Some assets feel like they are copy/pasted and slapped onto characters that don’t make sense. Omega and Big share the same aura color along with Espio and Sonic sharing the same aura color, purple and blue respectively. Omega’s triple glide animation looks exactly like Knuckles’ even though he could’ve been animated to use his thrusters. Rouge has a weird outfit change that is never used again. Some might think that it could be for censorship reasons but her chest is still exposed through a cleavage slit in the outfit which makes me wonder why they even bothered to change it. Plus her pink eyeshadow is less aesthetically pleasing than her iconic bright blue. It’s unclear if all the teams are doing everything at the same exact time or not making things really confusing.The way the characters are written are all over the place with a mixed bag across the board. Team Dark’s great as characters but then you have Tails who’s portrayed to act like some scaredy baby and Amy who’s been turned into a hyper thirsty yandere that’s willing to beat Sonic into marrying her. But all of that is nothing compared to how dirty they did Shadow.
Every team has their own mini story that drives their plot forwards; Team Sonic has to find and defeat Eggman, Team Rose is looking for their lost friends, Team Chaotix is tryna get the bread, and Omega, specifically Omega, is out to look for Eggman for revenge for locking him in a vault. Shadow though…ok first off, why is he here? He literally sacrificed himself to save the planet Earth from the space colony Ark with characters honoring said sacrifice and mourning his death, Sonic included…But then they decided to bring him back along with amnesia and a clone side story that makes him question who he is. The clone story is the dumbest shit in this entire damn game. As if it wasn’t enough to make him forget all the events of Sonic Adventure 2, which can kinda make sense if he was sent into a coma after crashing on Earth. But now he has to go through some midlife crisis level shit to try and figure out his past and if he’s even real, which spoiler alert: this game doesn’t resolve either plot point. These points were further developed and resolved by the next game; Shadow the Hedgehog which wasn’t the best game by all means but it gave more of a fuck to have a concrete story than Heroes ever did. And what’s worse is if the clones were gonna be brought up again in Shadow the Hedgehog and then be resolved in that same game then what the fuck was the point of doing any of this shit in Heroes!? All that did was leave Shadow’s story on a cliffhanger that accomplished nothing but made fans confused and left them with unanswered questions for 2 years until Shadow the Hedgehog came out.
But finally, after collecting all 7 Chaos Emeralds and beating all 4 Team campaigns you’re rewarded with the Last Story which reveals that Metal Sonic was the real mastermind behind everything that happened in the game so he can copy everyone’s data and assume a powerful new form…that takes way too long to transform into…with Metal Overlord…just to beat Sonic. Not even world domination, just to beat Sonic. While his dedication is admirable it’s a really shallow goal. Plus the buildup towards him being the main big bad isn’t handled as well as it could’ve been. All we get are a background element that people would miss if they’re too focused on just beating the level, an extra animation at the end of a boss cutscene that only appears for Team Sonic and Shadow’s story, and a few lines of dialogue from Team Chaotix’s “client” that makes it clear that it’s Eggman. But it would’ve been better to actually know how all of this happened in the first place. Metal Sonic shows up as Neo Metal Sonic as the first time we see him in this game with no explanation as to how he got this form or how he found out he can copy others’ abilities. Not even a cutscene or backstory from Eggman in the final story, instead he just complains about how they can’t defeat him without the Chaos Emeralds. Without prior knowledge I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking that Metal Sonic just got a redesign since he hadn't made an appearance in the Adventure era at that time. How cool would it have been to have been given cutscenes showing us Metal Sonic twisting and contorting his body to not only show how he managed to do this in the first place but how far he’s willing to go to beat Sonic without spoiling the final form to leave the audience in suspense before the final act? And him not revealing that he copied Team Rose and Team Chaotix data kinda comes off as him not recognizing their strengths and calling them too weak to copy from, even if he didn’t say so himself. The segment where the teams do their best to weaken Metal Madness for Team Sonic is fine enough except the coding monkeys did it again and made it so that Flying characters can’t do any damage. But then there’s the final battle with Super Team Sonic…Team Super Sonic…uh…a Chaos Emerald powered Team Sonic. Admittedly the fight is really cool with Metal Overlord chucking entire battleships at the player and talking about how he believes he’s the real Sonic as What I’m Made Of blasts in the background. But there’s 2 major things that bring this fight down for me. Sonic Adventure 2 did a similar sequence of the cast of characters help Sonic and Shadow go super and defeat the big bad. Only difference being the buildup was more elaborate and the stakes were higher as if they failed the entire planet was at stake along with the presentation of the final fight being better in every way. One fight takes place in outer space while the other takes place in the sky a vague height above the ground. And most insulting of all they robbed us of bringing back Super Knuckles and Super Tails. This might’ve been because of the retcon of super forms only being possible with male hedgehogs but that was a massive missed opportunity. And after the fight is done Sonic drops one of the corniest one liners in the franchise, the 5th set of unskippable credits scrolls on screen, and the game tells you to do everything again but get to A ranks this time as one final fuck you.
In conclusion the game had a lot of…interesting ideas to say the least in terms of mixing up the Sonic formula. Unfortunately they used too much gas when trying to cook and sent the entire dish ablaze. I think if they let this game simmer a bit more and took at least a year to iron out all the bugs and mishaps since this game was developed in 20 months. As a comparison Sonic Adventure 2 took 18 months to develop and was still better. And while I've made comparisons to past Sonic games I wanna make it clear that I am aware of the flaws those other games have. After all, nothing is perfect. But Sonic Team at least could’ve made sure that their game was worth it in spite of these flaws by tweaking some game mechanics to make them more fun. And feel free to say why you’d think this game is peak Sonic. Alright that’s all, thanks for reading this far and have a fantastic day.

Well, I just beat the game. Overall I enjoyed it, don't regret playing it, but there was a lot about the game that was pretty off putting. I really didn't enjoy any of the Umbral mechanics, a lot of the areas were pretty drab and uninspired (even in axiom), and the encounter design was just not great. The last area of the game was especially frustrating - how many flame dogs can we put in a single room?
As for positives, the combat was genuinely fun when done right (I loathed the combat of the 2014 game), the player progression was rewarding, the quests were great. The bosses... well, let's get to that.
Here is my quick review of every boss I fought in my first playthrough of the game (Radiance ending). I chose to play the game as melee only, no summons or spell casting. I find that this is the way I enjoy soulslike games the most, although I'm sure it made some bosses particularly annoying.
Here is a playlist of all of my first kills, and I will also include links to the specific videos in each.
Pieta, She of Blessed Renewal - Fantastic fight. Really fun, very tough considering you have no resources and very little game knowledge. This fight is what made me decide to give the game a real go. 9/10
Scourged Sister Delyth - Cool fight, but the ambiguity of what to do with the parasite made was a bit of a put off. I thought that I had sucked the parasite out of her but of course she just walked out of range. 7/10
Gentle Gaverus, Mistress of Hounds - Add based fights can be really quite annoying, and this is no exception. It sucks to have to spend so much time cleaning up the adds before you actually get to fight the boss. Still, not a bad fight. 4/10
The Congregator of Flesh - Cool fight, a lot of fun. Really well done for a big monster fight. Design is awesome if a little bit goofy. 7/10
Mendacious Visage - Wow, this absolutely sucked. This fight was not enjoyable in the slightest. The boss has way too much health, and easily exploited AI made this a real slog. Not good. 2/10
The Hushed Saint - Incredible fight. Really fun, very tough. Had to master the fight to beat it and none of his moves felt unfair or gimmicky. The only thing detracting from the fight is the horse phases, which are dead boring if you don't use the parasites, and insanely frustrating if you do try to use them. 8/10
Crimson Rector Percival - Fun fight once I learned how to deal with the gimmick of his healing, by just doing the whole fight in Umbral. Not really a lot to it though. 5/10
Ruiner - an easy fight made frustrating by the arena and those totems he drops. Not really very fun, couldn't wait to be done with it. 4/10
Infernal Enchantress - The first fight that I really hated. Visage made me sad, this one just made me furious with frustration. Popping the parasites was a gimmick I was already sick of, and this fight highlights the design flaw of not being able to see around you while you are siphoning. Combine that with many attacks that would one shot me and yeah this fight was one of the worst. Only getting rated higher than Visage because at least there was some strategy involved here. 3/10
The Sacred Resonance of Tenacity - Not a bad fight. Full of the usual gimmicks, but done in a way that makes them easy to deal with and not frustrating. Fun boss, but like all of these 'regular enemy' mini bosses there isn't a lot to his moveset, which means you get pretty bored as you chip away at the big health pool. 5/10
Spurned Progeny - Awesome boss design, cool arena, but somewhat spoiled by a lot of waiting around as he lumbers towards you. Seemed to me like the Iron King fight from DS2, but done 'right'. If it wasn't for the down time it would be higher rated. 7/10
Kinrangr Guardian Folard - The dumb gimmicks return in all their glory. The only thing that made this fight good was that it was easy, so over quick. 4/10
Griefbound Rowena - Frustrating, add spam. Really not fun. The arena even looks exactly like the Crystal Sage's from DS3, which this boss is pretty much a copy of. I wouldn't have hated it so much if she didn't have that frost shield that prevents you from putting pressure on her. Sort of felt like the devs forcing me to engage with the most annoying aspect of the fight. 3/10
The Hollow Crow - Oh my god. Just one of the worst bosses in a soulslike I've ever encountered. The fight is ONLY adds, it goes FOREVER and the gimmick of the fight is obtuse and arbitrary. I could not work out why I was able to Soulflay her some times but not others. The adds they chose are the most annoying adds that you could have possibly picked, and throw in some movement slowing for extra frustration. Just a miserable experience. It gets a 1 instead of a 0 because the design is good. 1/10
Abiding Defender Duo - As far as duo fights go, this is one of the better ones. A good mix of strategy and skill required. A fun fight, but the bloated health pools make it go on for a bit too long. 7/10
Blessed Carrion Knight Sanisho - A straight up fight with added poison. Not bad really, but I think I only enjoyed it because my hp restore ring pretty much negated the gimmick. Also a one shot, so a little too easy. 6/10
Tancred, Master of Castigations - A lot of fun. One of the better fights for sure. Really enjoyable move sets to learn, satisfying to master, forgiving enough to not be too frustrating. Well, except for in phase two when I was jammed against a wall in lava. Also, the parasite gimmick adds NOTHING to the fight. Why do they keep putting those in? There's not even a real lore reason for it as far as I could discern? 8/10
Skinstealer - Incredibly easy fight with what is clearly just going to be a standard enemy. Forgettable. 3/10
Bringer of Stillness - Look, I get the idea of introducing regular enemies as mini bosses first. But I had fought tens of these guys throughout the game already, including two at once. Adding a third doesn't make the fight interesting. Also why can't I plunge attack at the start? Another first try kill to boot. 2/10
Harrower Dervla, the Pledged Knight - Absolutely awesome fight, that was somewhat spoiled by an apparently known bug where the music didn't play. A real shame, because it shows just how much the music contributes to the tension and excitement. If the music had worked this fight might have been an 8 or 9. 7/10
Abbess Ursula - One shot moves, and an area denial ability that she can sit in and heal herself. Annoying fight, but I enjoyed the aesthetic elements. Not too hard either, so not too painful. 5/10
Rapturous Huntress Lirenne - Fun fight with a lot of cool moves, but was too easy. Killed her first try. 6/10
The Iron Wayfarer - I guess he wanted the rune of Adyr? Cool fight, one of the better NPC fights. Good music. 6/10
Paladin's Burden - This was done first try, which is why it was a 7 minute fight. Knowing how to deal with the heal makes the fight a lot more palatable. 5/10
Judge Cleric, the Radiant Sentinel - Really great fight. Great design, cool arena, interesting moveset and phase transition. Perhaps a little on the easy side for a figure that has been built up so much in the story. Great music. 8/10
The Lightreaper - Really not a fan of being forced to summon to complete questlines, as I like to play these games without summoning if possible. Fight is pretty cool, he can be very dangerous. Probably the fight with the highest genuine difficulty so far. Big props to anyone that kills this guy in the tutorial. 8/10
Andreas of Ebb - Would be an okay fight if he didn't have so much damn health. The fight just goes forever and ever, and his quick chip damage moves make it a battle of attrition. Arena is frustrating, with those market stalls often blocking your view. 3/10
Damarose the Marked - I did this fight like two hours ago, and I can't remember it at all. At least it was easy. 3/10
The Sundered Monarch - Cool fight, it's a shame that there isn't a lot to it. Very easy unfortunately, considering he is pretty much the final boss. His design is a bit on the goofy side too. 7/10
Adyr, the Bereft Exile - What the fuck is this? Who sees the deacons of the deep and goes, YES that will be the final boss of our game! Mind boggling decision for the final boss of the game and a guy you've been hearing about since the very start. At least it was over easily. notaboss/10

With thanks to all who helped create this guide!
This event will run from Friday, May 17 until 19:00 GMT on Monday, May 20; to participate you will need version 11.3.0 or higher, at least 100 dragon power, and a high quality, stable internet connection.
Please keep all event related questions and strategy discussions in this thread while the event is live; good luck and happy merging!
 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Event Notes:

• Getting the fast dragon first is possible, but will take a good bit of luck.
• Both the L3 and L6 Infinite Harvestables (Treasure Generators) are used as keys in this event, but neither contains any dead land or required items behind and can safely be skipped.

Elsewhere in the Game

• UPDATE: The devs are rolling out version 11.4.2 to Apple and Android devices today to try to fix some of the issues we saw last week; this update will be required to play the Shiny Days event on Monday, but other types of events will reportedly stick with the existing 11.3.0 minimum version requirement for now.
  • It is not recommended to update the game while playing an OoC event, due to the chances of lost progress; ideally you should wait until after you have finished the event, taken your rewards back to camp, and made sure your progress has been saved properly before downloading.
• The Shiny Days mini-event that was scheduled to begin Thursday has officially been postponed until Monday, May 20 due to technical difficulties. (Link)
• While version 11.4.0 has been re-released, it still may cause issues with movement control for some players; programmers are working to find the source of the bugs, and hope to include a fix in the next planned update (v11.5.0). Players who have not yet updated may want to skip this version altogether; the minimum requirement to play most events should remain at v11.3.0 for some time to come. (Link 1), (Link 2)
• A new player-vs-player mini-event called “Race Event” is out for beta-testing to a very small number of users. (Link 1), (Link 2), (Link 3)
• A free, event-related trophy breed egg can be claimed from the game’s online store for a limited time. (Link)
• Popular Links:
  • Dens List
  • Friend Tag Exchange
  • 2024 Event Schedule

 

LINK TO PIRATE’S PLUNDER IMAGE GUIDE

Tap the link above to open the Image Guide as a Google Slides document; it can be saved as a pdf for viewing elsewhere.

1. Cloud Key Map
2. Cloud Key Chart
3. Tile Healing Map
4. Infinite Harvestables Map
5. Event Quests Chart
6. Event Rewards Chart

 

CLOUD KEY LIST

Tap a key item to go to its wiki page for more info and hi-def images

• L2 Life Flower (dead land)
  • Ruby Plains Grass (clear)
  • L7 Apollo's Bloom (clear)
• L3 Young Autumn Tree (dead land)
• L4 Bushy Autumn Tree (dead land)
  • L7 Fancy Autumn Tree (dead land)
• L3 Pirate Sloop (clear)
• L6 Captain’s Spyglass (clear)
  • L2 Hero Mushroom (clear)
• L8 Athena's Flowers (clear)
  • L10 Zeus's Cup (clear)
  • L6 Pirate Frigate (clear)
• Tanzanite Mystery Nest (clear)
• Golden Capsule (clear)
• Fallen Star (clear)

 

EVENT-SPECIFIC CHAINS

• Point items: Treasure Objects
• Infinite Harvestables: Treasure Generators
• Consumable/Limited Harvestables: Treasure
• Event Chests: Treasure Chest

EVENT QUESTS

• 1.1 Merge 5 of Anything — 150 times
• 1.2 Creat a Level 7 Point Item (Captain’s Map) — 5 times
• 1.3 Harvest from a Level 3 Consumable Harvestable (Island of Riches — 75 times
• 2.1 Harvest from a Twin Life Flower — 200 times
• 2.2 Harvest from Dead Plants — 75 times
• 2.3 Create a Life Orb of the Heavens — 3 times
• 3.1 Heal Land — 35 tiles
• 3.2 Have Healed Land — 350 tiles
• 3.3 Have Healed Land — 675 tiles
• 3.4 Heal All the Land — 876 tiles

 

EVENT POINT REQUIREMENTS

• Prize 1: 3 pts (3 total)
• Prize 2: 22 (25)
• Prize 3: 235 (260)
• Prize 4: 420 (680)
• Prize 5: 640 (1,320)
• Prize 6: 960 (2,280)
• Prize 7: 4,470 (6,750)
• Prize 8: 5,400 (12,150)
• Prize 9: 6,570 (18,720)
• Prize 10: 11,230 (29,950)

 

FEATURED REWARDS:

^{A = featured in Arcadia; S = Shiny capable; N = New}

• Main trophy breed: Plunderwing Dragon (S)
• Secondary trophy breed: Hummingbloom Dragons
• Tertiary breed: Golem Dragon
• Event Trophy Item: Pirate King’s Hand
  • Spawned eggs: Seth Dragon (AS)
  • Tappable eggs: Plunderwing Dragon (S)

RUSH REWARDS

^{Note: Rewards shown are for Event Portal Level 16}

• Legend (under 12 hours)
  • Main Breed: 20x nests, 5x L1, 5x L2, 3x L3, 3x L4
  • Secondary Breed: 20x nests, 5x L3, 3x L4
  • Tertiary Breed: 7x L2
  • 3x L4 Fruit Trees
• Champion (under 24 hours)
  • Main Breed 1: 11x nests, 6x L1, 5x L2, 3x L3
  • Secondary Breed: 9x nests, 2x L3, 1x L4
  • Tertiary Breed 3: 12x L2
  • 2x L4 Fruit Trees, 1x Super Egg Fragment
• Hero (under 36 hours)
  • Main Breed: 5x nests, 4x L1, 3x L2, 3x L3
  • Secondary Breed: 5x nests, 3x L3
  • 1x L4 Fruit Tree, 1x L2 Hill, 1x Super Egg Fragment

 

EVENT FAQs

• The Event Shop and Capsules appear after you’ve healed 30-70 tiles; after that a free Bronze Capsule can be collected every 3 hours.
• It takes 5 or 6 level 9 Life Orb of the Heavens to clear all the 5k+ land, depending on how much you heal by merging items off dead land.
• To collect both the full set of Points Prizes and any level of Rush Rewards, you will need to earn 29,950 points.
  • Reaching this amount requires 1x Level 9 points item, 1x L8 item, 2x L7 items, and 2x L6 items (or just aim for 2x L9 points items).
• There’s always enough material to merge by 3s when making Key items.
• Caves must be tapped to spawn a Zomblin; only one event Zomblin lives in each cave, and it turns into Stinky Cheese when killed.
• The Gold Capsule, Fallen Star, and Tanzanite Nest are hiding near the far edge of the map, on tiles requiring 50k energy to heal.
• Infinite Harvestables:
  • There are usually 9x Level 1, 3x L2, 1x L3, 2x L4, and 2x L5 ITEM Infinite Harvestables on the map; you can delete one level 1 and one level 2 and still have enough to make a level 6, as long as you 5-merge whenever possible.
  • NOTE: Both the L3 and L6 Infinite Harvestables are used as keys in this event, but neither contains any dead land or required items behind and can safely be skipped.
• Consumable/Limited Harvestables:
  • Each 1x2 Island of Riches can be harvested 25 times; 75 total harvests are needed to complete Quest 1.3.
  • Each harvest of the big 2x2 Pirate Haven at the back of the map yields a 10% chance of spawning an extra Island of Riches.
  • Once all available Islands of Riches and the Pirate Haven are gone, there is no way to get more.
• Strategy advice:
  • Spending money or gems is NEVER required to complete an event, nor is using an auto-clicker or other exploits.
  • The number and level of possible Point and Rush reward items is determined by your Event Portal level; working to raise that to its maximum of L16 is one of the best ways to boost your overall progress in the game.
  • A good basic introduction to events is available here on the Fandom Wiki; there’s also some Wiki event guides and tips articles here and here, and a whole collection of general guides and tutorials here
  • Additional general event strategy advice (active vs passive or idle play, etc) can be found in the Community FAQ and in these threads: Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, and Link 4.
  • For active players wanting more dragons, the Prism Flower method is a good option: Link 1, Link 2, Link 3. Note: this technique is only for active play; since only 2 dragons at a time will harvest when left on their own, having more will actually slow down idle harvesting.
  • A recently shared strategy using the Hills chain here can greatly increase Life Flower production, but it usually takes a few gems (maximum of 80, but less if you get some in capsules)
• Pirate’s Plunder event theme’s main wiki page.
• Similar previous events:
  • January 2024 - Pirate’s Plunder
  • August 2023 - Pirate’s Plunder
  • July 2023 - Summer Delight

 

EVENT TROUBLESHOOTING

If the event is not showing up correctly or if glitches are affecting your play:

1. Check that you meet the version and dragon power requirements.
2. Try hard-closing and then relaunching your game.
3. Try rebooting your device (ie, turn it completely off, then back on and allow it to fully boot up before relaunching the game). If you are on wifi and have access to the router, try rebooting that, too.
4. Try switching to a completely different internet source.
5. Try clearing your game’s cache (google for instructions for your specific phone type).
6. If you’re suddenly experiencing multiple issues like lagging or error messages (or if the event vanishes completely), close the game and try again after 2-3 hours. Events are internet-based, and sometimes issues with the servers can cause temporary problems — all we can do for that is to wait it out.
7. If none of the above helps, contact Gram Games Support through the in-game link or the Support Web Portal for help figuring out what’s wrong.

• NOTE: Cloud Save is still unreliable: according to the developer, it is not safe to be used and should be left turned off.
• NOTE: Saving your Progress: Make sure to save your progress by traveling to the World Map screen (and waiting there until everything’s fully loaded) regularly, and especially before closing your game.
• Glitch: Missing sell/delete option If your task bar is missing the option to delete dimension jars or other items, you can start with the standard troubleshooting methods; if those don’t trigger a fix, replaying a few levels or working in your camp for a while have reportedly helped.
• Glitch: Event level only shows clouds If your event screen shows only clouds instead of the map, check that you are zoomed all the way out. If you are and it still won’t show, try collecting one of the free Bronze Capsules (you may need to wait for the timer to count down).
• Glitch: Missing rewards/Game crashes after collecting rewards Exiting directly from the event level to your Camp can trigger a crash and loss of items; always exit to the World Map screen first — and pause there until everything’s fully loaded — to trigger the game to save your progress, then enter your Camp.

edits are on-going

I have literally never written nor run any code in my life, and I'm not trying to learn anything about JavaScript except what I need in order to run a code I found online. The code is this:

// Barrel bore for standard iron shot weights, windage of 25/24 is assumed var bore = []; bore[4] = 3.18; bore[6] = 3.65; bore[9] = 4.17; bore[12] = 4.58; bore[18] = 5.25; bore[24] = 5.78; bore[32] = 6.36; bore[42] = 6.96; // Muzzle Velocity as function of round shot mass and powder charge function MuzzleVelocity(m, p) // mass of ball (lb), mass of charge (lb) { var d = bore[m]/12; // bore (ft) from table at ./Cannonballs.html var eta = 55; // density of powder (lb/ft^3) var rho = 62.4; // density of water var atm = 14.7*32.2*144; // 14 psi x g atmospheric pressure (lbw/ft^2) var R = 1600; // gunpowder gas pressure ratio to atm var L = d*18; // (18 calibre) length barrel (ft) var c = p*4/(Math.PI*d*d*eta); // length of charge in (ft) return Math.sqrt(2*R*atm/eta)*Math.sqrt(p/(m+p/3)*Math.log(L/c)); } 

I got it from here. What do I even do with this? What program (if any) do I load this up in? How do I change the variables? What should the results look like? The website this is from has absolutely nothing for anyone that isn't very familiar with coding, and YouTube tutorials are instantly beyond me. I'm just trying to do research for DnD, not learn a new profession or download a suite of programs.

Hello! I’ve been working on a page to store my writing, and I’m using scrollboxes. My plan was to put large chunks in, but they surpass the character limit, so I’m doing it chapter-by-chapter now and separating it by sections. However, when I put a new embed in to make a new scrollbox, it just replaces the one on the previous page and creates a chunk of text. I also tried doing two on the same page, but it does not work. I’ve just begun to learn how to use embeds and code in my carrds, because I wanted to learn scrollboxes, so I’m not very familiar with how it works and have been watching tutorials. I found this code somewhere online which I have been using

Also, I have Pro Standard. If anyone knows what’s going on or if I have missed something, thank you!

We have received your feedback loud and clear! It was incredibly helpful to have this playtest with a small batch of players before NextFest. You were all more than thorough and gave exceptional detail in both positive feedback and constructive criticism. We had identified some problems beforehand and were already working on possible solutions and having your perspective helped direct the decisions we had to make. While we expected to have unknown issues, some of them surprised us.
What we’re happiest with is that the core of the game itself is engaging. We just have tweaks to make and more additions to elevate the experience. Let’s go over the main pain points and the conversations we had internally because of them.

UI

Originally we had attached the Health (red), Dodge (green), and Genetics (purple) meter to the Player Character model itself in order to find the Player easier in the midst of the chaos on screen. But we got overwhelmingly negative sentiment for the placement and behaviors.
There was confusion about what the meters indicated and which were tied to what actions. If a Player had full health it would disappear, leaving many Players wondering if they had full health or not. Most would wait outside combat to ensure health before moving on. This caused an unnecessary lull in gameplay that broke immersion and that’s just unacceptable on all fronts.
The Dodge meter was touched on briefly in the Tutorial, yet with it squished between Health and Genetics it was easy to overlook and even forget what it was for. With the new HUD design we want to make it easier for Players to identify if they have the juice to activate Dodge thanks to better readability. We also slapped in Bullet Time, if you know you know.
There was also no clear indication of what was tied to the Genetics meter. While it was obvious the Animal Power was tied to it we didn’t explain that the heavy weapon was either. We made it clearer the moment Andi gives the Player their first heavy weapon, along with implementing cost of usage in the weapon descriptions themselves.
Before the playtest was even over we started to concept a traditional HUD affixed to the screen, running iterations until we settled on the new basic design. We kept in mind the eye movement muscle memory that is ingrained from other games to cut down on the learning curve, no reason to fix something that isn’t broken. We had our version but it was clear it wasn’t good enough and we believe there is always room for improvement.

Map

So many Players got lost in the LA Sewers and the mission one boss room, thus the feedback that a map was needed was stated more often than not. This created quite the debate internally. On one hand we believed exploration is just a natural part of gameplay, that the Player should get lost and have to backtrack to get their bearings. On the other hand, we didn’t want the Player to become so frustrated with being lost they would simply put the controller down and regret their time investment.
It’s an incredibly delicate balance in design of letting the Player explore without too much hand-holding, and yet directing without impeding natural curiosity. It boils down to how much yellow paint we wanted to slap on, metaphorically speaking. We eventually settled on a map that the Player could pull up quickly to reference but keeping the bare minimum of detail, just enough direction to understand where they wanted to go without ripping away the veil of mystery. The ‘fog of war’ is being utilized because who doesn’t love satisfying the lizard brain with clearing off a map? This is a feature being made from scratch so we can’t give a concrete deadline of when the map will be in the game, but it is coming.

Narrative Log

The narrative system seen in the playtest was still a work in progress when the playtest was launched but it worked for what we needed. The feedback given was still incredibly helpful despite the system being a work in progress. It has been worked on tirelessly since, fixing the issues of the text going too fast, the sound effect sticking, and narrative lines having the weirdest jumbled text pop up.
We saw that story beats got lost in the chaos but we didn’t want to pause the Player since, obviously, that would break the flow of gameplay. But we also didn’t want to scale back the difficulty or engagement either. The idea for a narrative log was born which is a basic transcript system that catalogs the major points in the script along with objectives.
It’s meant to be referenced inside any level while there, with inserts for discoverables. While it’s still a work in progress for concepting it’s definitely a system we want in the game.

Gameplay

The most we were concerned with was the core gameplay. Everything else could be changed, altered, tweaked, or completely overhauled. That’s no problem. But the very essence of the mechanics and gunplay were what we were most worried about, and the reception of such was incredibly positive.
We want to add more, which is slated after launch because once the game is out there, we’re not done with it—not for quite a while. While we don’t want to make promises we can’t keep, just know that after release, the game will keep growing

Implementation and NextFest

With everything we touched on today it comes with the caveat of time. Some changes can be implemented rather quickly while others are going to take awhile. Even then everything has the ability to be changed after NextFest since there will be so many more players from the event.
We are participating in the NextFest in June. Just like before we’ll have multiple avenues open for feedback, DevHour will still be open for conversations in real time with the team, and we’re going to be just as transparent as we are right now. This is the standard we want to set and refine as the community grows, even for the hardest questions. As long as we don’t break the NDA.

Epilogue

That’s all for this week! The DevHour is taking place at 5pm ET / 2pm PT in our Discord today, the 17th. Feel free to stop in, bring your questions about our game or the industry, and take part in the shenanigans.
Don’t forget to wishlist on Steam!
Sincerely,
~Team Volok