Angry on boyfriend quotes

So one day, I had a 'creepy encounter' with my family doctor...
I am a 35 year old woman now, but this encounter happened when I was around 14 or 15 years old (so about 20 years ago now) but the memory is as fresh and as vivid as though it happened yesterday. I haven't even thought of this story in many years until I came across this Reddit channel, and after reading some of the other stories, my own personal memory of this story came flooding back! So anyway...
Everyone in my family (and some still do) used to see this one family doctor for many many years for all our medical needs. We'll call him 'Doctor D.' We'd been seeing this doctor for soo long, he was even there at the delivery of my birth, where he held me in his arms when I was just a new born baby. From then on, I would see him for everything. Every time I got sick, for all my immunization's, etc, etc. So it was only natural that I would go see him the day I needed to get my first Pap smear ever done. I had just started becoming sexually active for the first time with my very first boyfriend at this stage, and I had learnt in school sex ed, as well as from other various sources that once a female starts becoming sexually active, they need to also start getting Pap Smear tests done.
(For those who may not know, a Pap SmeaPap test is a test or procedure done by your doctor to check for Cervical Cancer in women. The test is not painful in any way, but can feel a little bit strange, uncomfortable and invasive as it requires a swab being inserted 'inside' to collect the sample. Other than that, it is a very quick procedure that altogether takes no longer then a minute or two from start to finish. This last point is important to take note of for later in the story).
So its important to note here, that even before arriving to my appointment, I was already in a state of feeling a little bit freaked out and uncomfortable with the whole situation because at 14, I was a lot like most other young girls my age where I felt very awkward about my growing body, had poor self-image, would often where baggy clothes to hide any signs of my 'womanhood' from the outside world (such as the breasts that were forming!) So the idea that I had to do a test that required I strip from the waist down, sit on a bench with my legs WIDE open, ONLY to have some random grown up come right up in there and fiddle around down there...sounded to me like the LAST THING IN THE WORLD I wanted to do and was feeling already very embarrassed about it! And even though I was told by many different people that if I wanted (and if it made me more comfortable) I could request for a female doctor to do the test but for some reason, I had turned that option down. (Something I would regret later!) I guess i just thought in my head...it's okay, I'll just see Dr. D like I always do, I mean, he is my doctor, I've known him for years so it's only natural I continue to see him and treat this appointment like any other appointment. And I guess I just managed to convince myself to stop being soo silly, everything was fine, and besides, he is a professional doctor who will approach this situation with professionalism, and will conduct himself in a way that will not make me feel any more awkward than I already do. How wrong I was...
So Dr. D tells me to take off everything from the waist down, to lie on the bed, put the white sheet over my lap and wait for him while he gets everything together. I do this, feeling a bit red in this face, but I do as he asks, hurriedly, as I am impatient to get this over and done with quickly. When he does come around the curtain, he sits down on a low stool right between my legs, whips off the sheet and looks up at me with a big smile on his face. He then proceeds to have a conversation with me about...I don't remember what about. However what I do remember was that it wasn't at all relevant to the situation at hand or anything to do with the test or any medical information in relation to me what soever. I just remember that he had chosen that moment to talk about other trivial things like 'So how's the family going?' or 'What year level are you doing at school now?' and things of that nature. Honestly, I wouldn't have been listening to anything he was saying at the time as all I would of been thinking about is me screaming at him to hurry up and get on with it! And that I do NOT feel like having a chit chat with him while my private bits are in his face! But if I had thought for a second that this ill-timed catch up session would be the most uncomfortable thing to happen in that moment I would be wrong. As he is chit chatting away to me as well as going back and forth between making eye contact with me and flashing me a wide smile to looking down at my private areas with a deep, penetrating gaze, he all of a sudden wraps his hand right around my inner thigh, closest to where my knee is. He does so just gently, almost like he's just resting his hand there for a second, but it makes me do a little jump. He doesn't seem to notice though and continues talking, and as he's talking I realize that he's slowly started to circle his thumb on my inner thigh in a slow gentle caress. Immediately alarm bells start ringing in my head. I'm thinking to myself...what is he doing? The action was almost like he was trying to soothe or relax me in some way, sort of like how a mother might use her hand to do small circular motion's on her crying child's back in an attempt to soothe. But why? Was I maybe being outwardly obvious about how uncomfortable I was with the situation, despite my best efforts to not let it show? And even if it was obvious to Dr. D...is it normal for a Doctor to do this soothing action on a patient? And on top of this...how much longer is this whole damn thing going to take anyway?! I thought this was meant to be really quick!
That's when deep down I started to realize that something was very wrong with the situation. Or that I started to sense his intention's weren't good or appropriate at all. Because he started to move his hand slowly up my inner thigh, towards my private area, still caressing me with his thumb, and still gazing directly at me as he went. It's when his hand reached its destination, (and NOT because he was about to do the swab at that stage, but to continue just to caress me) that my legs started to shake uncontrollably. Not for any other reason than the fact that i was scared, and I just couldn't stop myself from shaking in fear. Then 2 seconds later, the tears started to slowly form and roll down my face as I let out a little whimpering sound.
Of course Dr. D immediately noticed this but doesn't at all stop or spring back like you would hope he would do in that situation as though he might be realizing what he's doing is wrong and decides to stop what he's doing...NO. He just continues to do it more intensely and says to me,
'Honey, your shaking! What's wrong? Why are you feeling soo nervous? Don't be nervous honey, just try and relax, everything's fine'...and just continues to caress, almost like he believes his words and action's are actually helping me to relax when quite clearly, its doing the complete opposite! But for some reason, I don't say a word! I don't tell him to stop or back off, I don't move a muscle (other than the uncontrollable shake that I can't help). What's even more baffling about my behavior and reaction at this point is...I even quickly try to wipe away and hide my tears from him so he doesn't see it! Because for some reason, in that moment, I feel bad for HIM, because I'm worried my tears and distress might be making HIS job harder in some way by me being a challenging or uncooperative patient! I can't explain why I thought or reacted this way other than the fact that I was just a young 14 year old girl who was freaking out and just didn't know what to do in a unsettling situation and especially because it was happening with someone I knew my entire life, and had looked up to and trusted for a long long time.
Anyway, it relieves me to say that he eventually did perform the test, and that this story doesn't end with any further graphic details of some sort of sexual assault or anything of that nature. He did however act completely oblivious to my distress throughout the whole thing, acted the whole way through like he wasn't doing anything wrong and that everything was normal. Oh, and remember how earlier I mentioned this test should only take usually 1-2 minutes at most to complete? I was on that table for 15MINUTES with him...which might not be a long amount of time...but to me, it felt like years in that moment!
Do you know what the worst part is? The moment i got home to my parents, I burst into tears, flung myself into their arms and proceeded to tell them the entire story. As freaked out as I was, within seconds I started to feel better, just knowing that I was back within the safety net of their presence but also knowing that once I finished telling them what happened, that my parents would know what to do to fix the situation as well as offer me much needed comfort...But you know what? That's not what I got. What I got was being immediately thrusted out of their embrace and then straight away got the biggest telling off session of my life! They didn't believe a word I said! In fact, they got soo angry at me, for being a trouble maker and making up stories about their trusted family doctor who they have known for years and knew for a fact wouldn't ever do anything of what I was accusing him of! Then, they told me to stop crying and immediately grounded me!
I was in complete and utter shock and to this day I'm still not sure which one is worse...my doctor doing what he did, or my own family's reaction to the situation...both experiences ended up hurting me deeply. So nothing ever came of the situation. I had to bottle it up inside and bury it all away, and he got away with it. The only thing I had in my power to do was make the decision to NEVER see him again which I haven't to this day. There had been plenty of times where I had thought about reporting him to police, especially fearing for the wellbeing of any other women out there in his care...but after how my parents reacted, I convinced myself that the police probably wouldn't believe me either...if it came to me against him...i believed I would lose so stayed silent.
I just truly hope that nothing awful has ever happened at his own hands after my experience. And to Dr. D? May we never meet again.

First lf all, hello potatoes! This is my first ever post on anything, so bear with me!
I (21f), have an aunt who I've finally decided to go no contact with after years of her bs. For the sake of this post, let's call her EA. EA has always been a narcissist, though none of us really did anything about it for a while.
For instance, when I was young, about 12 or 13, she decided it would be a good idea to take me and my three siblings to a youth group, even though we never wanted to. She pretty much dragged us over there and would act like she was doing something good for us so we could pay her back later. We never wanted to go, because of some issues we had with the last religious group we went to, and it became painful for us to deal with.
Anyway, we ended up being late to an event one night, and the entire 30 minute drive down, she had been complaining about how late we were. Once we had gotten to the building, she went inside and talked to the person in charge about it. My siblings and I had come in and she locked eyes with me.
"Thanks a lot, kids."
That's all she had to say to us, then proceeded to complain to the person in charge over the whole ordeal. Being as young as I was and as sensitive as I was at the time, I held on to that feeling. Eventually, we stopped going, again because it was hard for us and EA made it unbearable.
Several years went by, and not long after I had graduated, she had come back into my life, in a much more violent way than before. I had moved out for school and work, so I wasn't physically there, but I heard about it after the fact. It turns out, while my parents and EA had gone to an appointment they both had in the nearest city (3+ hour drive), she had attacked my mother. Not verbally, but physically. She had pounced on her and left scratches and bruises. The cause of the fight? Some water on her butt. She threw a whole fit and physically attacked my mother, over a little bit of water on her butt.
Let me tell you, I was fuming when I had heard about it. She even went so far as to insult us when she attacked my mother, and I'll never forget it.
"You're raising your kids to be just like you!"
She made it sound like a bad thing for us to turn out like my mother. Now, my mother is a kind woman with a soft heart and a soft spot for dogs and cats. She loves crystals and plants, and she loves cloudy days and being by the ocean. She accepts all of us for who we are, and makes inappropriate jokes for us to laugh at. To hear EA insult my mother made me angry, but she had told me not to put any energy into it.
EA began to get worse afterwards. I was working a job that was slowly killing me, and whenever she'd visit, she had that sickly sweet 'I'm tolerating you enough to talk to you' look on her face and tone in her voice. When I was moved to nights, I was hoping to never deal with her again. But then, my grandmother fell down.
I heard about it during one of my shifts, and when I had gotten off, I couldn't sleep. I was afraid something would happen to her if I was asleep, so I stayed awake until my bf (21m) woke up. I told him the situation and we had a talk about it, and we both agreed that it would be best if I moved back to take care of her. So, on my first day off, I packed all my stuff and left. I texted my boss, who I wasn't on good terms with, and told her the situation. I pretty much handed in my two week notice, but only gave her two days.
So, I came home and moved in with my grandma so I could take care of her. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, anything and everything she needed done, I would do it. I was lucky enough to be able to bring my dog, a chihuahua dashund pug mix, to live with me. Spud made things a bit easier for me, considering everything that I had given up and what was going on. It felt like things were gonna get better.
Until my grandmother had to go to the hospital. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. She couldn't get out of bed one morning, and since I didn't know what to do, I panicked and called my father. He came and checked on her, gave her an oxygen treatment, and when things didn't improve, he called EA so they could go to the hospital. I was freaking out and pacing around on the balcony, trying to calm down as they carried her to the car and drove to the hospital two towns over. She got better, so that helped, but it scared me so badly I couldn't sleep for a while. We were given an oxygen machine and told to have her on it as often as possible. That first night was terrible. I hadn't slept at all that night, or for the next few nights, because I was afraid of what would happen if I did.
To help with this, my father bought a baby monitor so I could make sure she was okay, and after a few days, I was feeling much better. EA began showing up, when she hadn't come at all before the hospital visit. When she did, the first thing she did was complain.
My little sis (11f), was helping me clean, and we had finished doing what my grandmother needed us to do when EA had come in. The first thing she said to us was that we should be cleaning, and began cleaning the stuff we didn't get to. She then started to complain about how we weren't doing these tasks that my grandmother never asked us to do. My sister and I just looked at each other with confusion. I could tell she was feeling bad, but it wasn't her job to do in the first place. EA took her cleaning to my grandmother's bedroom, and she stayed in there for a long time.
I began to get worried, so I ended up heading to my room downstairs to check the monitor, only to find EA had covered it. I sat, confused by what she had done. It's not like I had the monitor there to snoop around, it was only there to make sure my grandmother was okay. I shrugged it off and uncovered it before I went to bed that night. After a few days, I had decided to make the trip to see my bf. It was almost a 2 hour drive, so I wanted to leave early. I asked my little brother (18), to watch over everything while I was gone for a few days. He agreed for the price of some dark chocolate for his own mochas in the morning. I agreed, and made sure he knew what medications my grandparents had to take and when, where the blood pressure cuff was and how to use it, and the device to check my grandmother's oxygen. After that, I packed the clothes I'd need for four days, and left.
Things were going smoothly for a while. I was laughing and relaxing with my bf, watching videos he had saved to show me, and going on dates, talking and catching up. On the third day, I got a text from my brother saying that he was angry. I asked why, and he explained everything.
He said EA had showed up, and was trying to make me and my sister sound like thieves. She claimed we had gotten into some drinks meant for my uncle, who's diabetic and also lives with my grandmother. I told him I don't drink that particular brand anymore, and my sister only ever got into the milk and some cold water. I showed my bf the messages, and we both had a good laugh over it. He knew that I don't drink that particular brand, and that I enjoy a different brand altogether, so we thought it was just ridiculous.
It continued like this for a while. EA would make little comments and talk with my grandmother about certain topics, trying to make me and my sister sound like we were against her. All the while, I was doing my usual job of cooking and cleaning for her and making sure she was okay. I was pretty much untouchable in her eyes.
My mother had come by to visit for a while and make sure everything was okay one day. We talked, she helped me cook, and we just had a good time, until EA popped in unannounced. My grandmother, wanting them to fix their relationship as sisters, stopped my mother from leaving the kitchen and told them to hug. I was watching the whole thing and heard EA say something thst just made me want to yell.
"Are you gonna attack me again?"
She made herself sound like the victim, and made it seem like my mother had attacked her. They hugged, and things proceeded to get worse from there. I refused to talk to EA when she came by, and I'd watch when she started her random cleaning. If she went into my grandmother's bedroom, I'd go downstairs, watch the monitor and try to make sure she wasn't stealing anything. She coveted the camera again and again, which slowly drove me crazy. I regret not talking to her about it.
She did it again when I was on another trip to see my bf, and this time, my brother called her out on it. He told her to stop covering the camera, that it was only there to make sure my grandmother was okay at night, nothing more. According to him, EA began yelling at him and puffing her chest out over the whole thing, while my brother acted more mature and waited for her to finish. He then asked if she was done, to which she huffed. He was getting pretty angry over it. I had him tell me everything thst was going on, so I was up to date while I was gone.
This would continue for a few more weeks, and again, while I was away, EA would confront my brother, but this time, she said something thst made me lose it. My brother was telling my uncle that it probably wasn't a good idea to take a pastry with him downstairs, since it had a bunch of sugar. EA went ballistic over this and started getting in my brother's face, yelling about it and calling him a few names like r-tard, and said, and I quote, "No wonder you were bullied, you deserved it."
For context, my brother faced severe bullying when we were in school. He was thrown around, threatened, hit, and more. He also has an accent due to having multiple earaches as a baby, so sometimes, it's hard to understand him. He's a smart kid, with a good heart, and having a middle aged swamp monster with a superiority complex getting in his face and yelling at him about how stupid he was and saying he deserved to be bullied broke me and hurt him. He didn't show it, but I know it hurt him.
When I found out, I was angry, sad, and an all around mess. My bf read the messages and didn't know what to do. I was ranting and rambling angrily by this point, in tears and just about seeing red. I was getting more angry as I talked about it, completely unaware that while my bf was playing a game, he was playing with a friend, and they could hear everything. They heard my voice beginning to shake as I let out all my frustrations, and they heard how angry I was that this haggard hoghag of a woman could treat my little brother like that. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night, I was so furious.
After that, she kept coming around and trying to make all of us sound like the villains of the tale while she was the goodie two shoes. I cut all contact with her, refused to talk to her or even acknowledge her existence, and just continued to enjoy myself. My sister had some other plans
EA is diabetic, so she can't really have sugar, so my sister had an idea to pay her back, at least a little. EA had come over to open oysters with us. My grandmother had ordered them for me and my sister, because we enjoyed them so much. My sister decided to get some Popsicles from the freezer upstairs and started to eat one in front of EA. She also handed one to me, so I could enjoy too. We got some looks from EA, but I don't remember hearing her say anything. Later on, we even went so far as to make delicious chocolate chip banana bread while she was there, so she couldn't have some but had to deal with the temptation. I guess this could count as a petty revenge story, but I don't know where else to put this. I just wanted to get this story off of my chest and hear what the other petty potatoes think about this.
So, AITA for going to contact with my aunt? And for going so far as to make treats she can't have?

TW: positive test, possible miscarriage, long post Disclaimer: I'm in the Netherlands, so our embryo's aren't tested and they don't do HCG blood tests in the hospital we go to. Question: has anybody else had this and how did it end?
On May 1st my boyfriend and I had our 6th transfer. So far, I've had one chemical pregnancy, four embryo's that didn't stick after their transfer and we lost two embryo's in thaw. Our 6th transfer (a FET) was a lovely 5B embryo.
I didn't have a lot of pregnancy symptoms during the two week wait and I always test 13 days post transfer, because this is when the hospital says to test and I know I'll drive myself insane if I do it earlier. So last Tuesday testday was finally here and to our huge surprise the test was positive within a second. My boyfriend was over the moon. I was mostly in some sort of shock and disbelieve. After all, last year we had multiple positive tests and at the 7 week ultrasound my uterus turned out to be empty: my body had already "cleaned up" the embryo. So I had a hard time trusting this test.
But after a nice call with one of the nurses I started to feel somewhat happy and hopeful. I was still super scared, but I also started to dream about a life with this baby. But this morning when I went to the bathroom, there was blood on my toilet paper. It started with some light pink/greyish blood, but when I went back to check 15 minutes later, it was bright red. I also had some very light cramping, but less than during a period. I called the hospital, where a doctor asked some questions and told me that it probably wasn't good news. She also said that there's no use in doing another test or HCG test now, because my body is still producing HCG so it will be positive anyway. We have to wait a full week before we test again. If it's negative we'll know it was definitely a miscarriage/biochemical.
The cramping stopped right after I called the hospital. The red bleeding turned into old blood that lasted rest of the day (it's 9PM here and there's still some old blood). I just don't know what to feel or do, my mind is all over the place and I'm so angry with my body. I'm terrified of losing our little embryo but at the same time I'm still somewhat hopeful that maybe it isn't over just yet. Has anybody else experienced this and how did it end for you?

Yesterday was my 37th birthday and I was thinking about regrets I have. I have been with my boyfriend for 13 years. we have 4 children together (we welcomed another 4th earlier this year).
We couldn’t go out and celebrate my birthday the way I wanted to because we don’t have the money to do what I wanted to do which started the fight.
I am a SAHM but I do have a side business making clothes. My bf on the other hand is fully capable of working full time, he just chooses not to. He even went to school to be a internet coder but never looked for work and chose to be a bartender.
Even when we found out we were expecting again last year, my partner kept promising he was going to look for a better job and he never did. He just kept making excuses.
Since we have no money, we couldn’t do anything on my birthday and I took it out on him. The other thing is my partner had ti ask his brother Jeremy to borrow a LOT of money too help us pay off our debts n so that he could take me out for a fun birthday.
Jeremy said no because he needs to use his money for his own family and I’m sure for the wedding they supposedly are going to have.
Admittedly, I was pretty angry that his brother said no because we are also family and he should take care of us too . And I know his dad is giving him money for his wedding since he’s the golden boy now and got engaged.
honesty I think I was more mad and regretful for choosing the wrong brother.
15 years ago I was dating Jeremy first, but I was young n more attracted to his brother so I went for his brother.
I love my bf n our kids together, but I have regrets not choosing Jeremy lately. I have been thinking about it since my pregnancy.
Jeremy has a really good pay job, he goes traveling everywhere with his fiancé, he actually asked his girlfriend to marry him and now there planning their wedding together.
I always thought that there might be someday where Jeremy n I might find our way back to each other, especially because he was single for so long and part of me thought he might’ve still had some feelings for me still. I think he would definitely take me in if something happen with his brother.
Now he is successful and planning a wedding with this girl who hasn’t put any time with him or the family as much as I had yet they are phoning over her like she’s some perfect model.
even though I was here before her, I feel like he keeps prioritizing her n her son over us . I get it but like I said I was here first n we had a long friendship.
I was tempted to ask him if he ever thought about us and what we could’ve been last nihgt. But I let it go.
Instead, I was pretty upset and I got into a fight with my boyfriend and I told him that I regret wasting my yuoth on him and wish I would’ve left that a younger age. We haven’t been talking since.
I’m 37 and I just have a lot of regrets and I just wish he would step it up and support us like I know Jeremy would’ve .
Am I the asshole?

[FIRST][LAST]
Atlantis Commission
Officer Report - Lieutenant Colonel John Shepard
CLEARANCE LEVEL 5
Well this had definitely been a very interesting couple of hours. This dimension and its people had very odd opinions and ideas. Apparently the prey species of this dimension were all obligate cowards, whose instincts compelled them to be non-violent and run from threats. At least according to themselves. There were apparently some of them who were “predator diseased” as they called it, a disease which often resulted in increased violence, aggression, lack of empathy, and unheard like behavior. It sounded to me like some form of infectious psychopathy, but the venlil assured us it shouldn't affect us since we were predators, which didn’t really ease my fears, but hopefully it was something we could figure out when we got home if it ever became a problem.
Gotta love mandatory quarantine periods woo hoo!
As scary as this odd disease sounded, my main concern at the moment was to try and turn a professed coward into someone who could at the very least defend themselves.
I looked down to the table of gear ahead of me and then over to the mostly naked Venlil to my side, and then even farther to Tiel’c who thought It would be a good idea to help oversee Farva’s rapid fire training course. I fiddled with the bluetooth earpiece which was rigged up to one of our handhelds to run a translation program to speak directly with the captain. A big step up from our unknowingly one sided communications earlier.
I stepped on the other side of the plastic table and placed my hands down upon it and looked on at my new student..
“Welcome Captain Farva to our very impromptu accelerated course on Human arms armor and basic infantry tactics.” I said gesturing to the hodge podge gear we had managed to assemble for the good captain. “Are we ready to begin?”.
She flicked her ears, somewhat nervously by the looks.
“I’d take it that's a yes then?”
“Oh yes sorry”
“Alright then, well given that most of our crew is human and the only other alien struts around naked all the time, the only gear we have on hand is for humans, So you're going to be running size smalls and it's all going to fit all a bit big” I say as I toss her the tactical vest. ”Here try this on, we can try to tighten it up if it's a bit loose anywhere”. The captain wrestles with the buckles a bit, and Teal'c helps her tighten up some of the top straps, as the Venil’s shoulders weren't as broad as humans. Farva gave Teal’c an odd look, but seemed appreciative none the less.Once finished, she grasped the vest in her paws with interest. “This armor seems quite lightweight, which is nice, weight is often an issue that causes us to forgo armor, since heavy armor would hurt our running ability.” Farva remarks. “Also the sheer amount of pockets seems quite excessive, what do you need all these for?”
“Well for starters it's currently missing these '' I hand Farva one of the armor plates which she looks over. “That is a depleted Naquadria ceramic composite plate. It’s designed to stop bullet impacts and dissipate energy weapon blasts. It slots into that chest compartment in the front and back of your armor.”
“This isn't quite what Id imagine for the armor of your kind”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well judging by your ships I would have imagined you would put more emphasis on defense Your predatory nature would make you less likely to run away from conflict allowing for more encompassing armor to cover more than just your chest, since you have less need to run.”
She would put it like that.
“Well there are a number of reasons for that, a lot to do with those excess pockets you mentioned. For starters you will not be carrying the same amount of gear that the standard infantry unit would normally be carrying, we are preparing you for a quick in and out op. Normally us expedition teams need to be deployed into unknown territory for extended periods of time, we need to carry everything we might need with us from food, bullets, weapons, to comms gear, sensors, repelling equipment etc. The weight from all that gear adds up fast; In order to stay sufficiently mobile and combat effective; we only carry enough armor to protect our vitals, head and torso, anything else can hopefully be patched up by a field medic.”
Tielc gave his piece as well. “It is important to know when to run both towards and aways from one's foes, not every battle can be won through strength alone, but by strategy and cunning. Being able to reposition oneself quickly is therefore highly advantageous”
Farva seemed to freeze at Teal'c's statement, not out of fear I think, she instead had a distant look in her eye. To snap her out of her slump I handed her a standard ballistic helmet.
Seeming to get the idea she looked at it oddly and tried it on. It confirmed to her head shape decently well but depressed her ears to either side of her head, kind of resembling what one might imagine a sad bunny rabbit to look like “I don't think this will be something I can bring with me” she said ” I can't use ear signals and this will muffle my hearing.”
“Why don’t you keep it on for the time being, I think any extra hearing protection might be useful considering what we are about to try next.” I hand Farva some ballistic ear protectors, slightly modified and somewhat ramshackle. “One of the corporals worked closely with Nurse Fila to get an idea for safe decibels levels for your kind, we were also able to get these earbuds molded to fit into your ear canal better”
Farva took them and slipped them in. “These are a bit uncomfortable, what do I need these for?”
“You'll need them for this” I say as I unsnap the clasps on the weapons case revealing its contents.
The content seems to capture Farva’s interest, getting a slight tail wave.
“Okay So this here is a p90, It carries a 50 round top loading magazine of teflon coated armor piercing ordnance. With a cyclical rate of fire of 900 rounds per minute.”
Farvas ears perk up at this. “This seems like an efficient design, I take it these are a flashlight and laser sight for accuracy?” She asked, pointing to the top of the weapon.
“Yes we also have holographic and acog optics which will help line up targets from farther away.” I look on as Farva picks up the weapon and inspects it, testing the weight as I note that it will weigh a fair bit more once loaded. But she doesn't seem to be struggling with the weight. I can't help but notice good firearm safety as well, she keeps her finger well off the trigger and takes care to keep her weapon pointed aways from anyone else.
“This seems like a solid design but I'm not sure how useful those weapon optics would be, as they are not designed for my side facing eyes”
“I'm sure our master at arms can figure something out, why don't we give it a test fire first tho, before we send it off to make adjustments.” I instruct her on how to load the weapon and turn the safety off. I warn her of the sound it makes. And while definitely taken aback by the recoil and sound at first, she quickly gets the hang of it, she has some respectable shot groupings in both single fire and in short bursts. And keeps the rounds reasonably centered while firing in full auto.
She did a whole lot better than I would have initially suspected given her performance in the hanger bay a day before.
“The rate of fire seems useful” Farva spoke “This would be useful for our soldiers, our accuracy falters when we are panicked, and the increased shot count should guarantee some hits based on volume of fire alone” she finished with a dejected expression.
She quickly places the weapon back in its case, as if it burned to touch.” I don't know if I should be armed for this mission, at least not with that weapon, I don't want to miss and hit one of you in the back!”
“What? Nonsense, you are a great shot, and this is just a precaution in case we get separated or flanked and need some covering fire. If our guys are doing their job right you shouldn't need to fire a single round anyways.”
Captain Farva’s breathing started to hasten, earlier I might have thought it was fear, but I was starting to get an idea of what the captain's issues were. I’ve seen this before.
“I.. I can’t be trusted with this responsibility, every time I am left in charge of something, every time people put their lives in my paws I ....”
“Farva, don’t you start with me now you hear.” I said sternly, swiftly capping off her inevitable spiral of self doubt.
“But.. no.. you don’t understand”
Stopping her again I spoke. “But nothing, what happened before on that ship, and back at that colony is in the past. I don’t know your whole situation, but from what I have gathered from the crew It was nothing good. You feel responsible and it's eating away at you, and frankly it doesn’t matter if that's true or not. Accidents happen, people make mistakes, and when that happens we need to learn, take those lessons to heart, and don't let it stop us from helping people in the present. If you let guilt, or fear of mistakes stop you, then bad guys have already won, all without having to have fired a shot”
Farva is quiet for a short time, I was hoping I got through to her, I'm not the best and pep talks and this certainly wasn’t your typical weapons demo, if only everyones could go as smoothly as Ronan’s.
Farva spoke quietly, arms pressed up against her chest, she looked so sad, defeated, and small. Well more than usual anyways. “We can't be strong like you humans, we are too emotional and when we are scared we run away or we lock up and...”
“And that is clearly not the case with you captain Farva” Teal’c finally reentered the conversation having heard enough. “You have shown courage with every action you have taken so far, your actions have saved the lives of many of your crew, every time you have been threatened you acted not just to protect yourself but others as well. You attempted to contend with beings many times your size without even thinking about it, all in the effort to protect others, and this is only in the time we have known you, this speaks nothing of your actions over the colony. You are a warrior of admirable courage Captain Farva, your self doubt is unearned.”
A single tear rolled down Farva’s eyes which she quickly wiped away. “That was very nice of you to say, but I'm not brave like you say, I was terrified out of my mind the whole time.”
Teal’c looked puzzled. “I did not call you brave, I said you were courageous.”
Farva shot back with the little venlil one up one down ear flick I had very quickly learned was confusion.” I'm confused you just said brave twice”
“Hmm it appears your language does not contain the word I am using, I apologize I am not used to speaking through a translator” Teal’c relented “ There are two words I am using admittedly in slightly different forms, bravery and courage. Bravery or to be brave is to lack fear, to not be afraid to begin with. Courage tho, Is a trait far more admirable. Courage is to be afraid, to have fear, to worry about one's own mortality and personal safety. It is to acknowledge risk, danger, to feel fear, but to act in spite of it.”
“Had I not met your kind before I would have thought predators don't feel fear.”
“Everyone fears feel Farva, It is how we overcome it that determines our worth as warriors”
Teal’c picks up the p90 and returns it to Farvas hands.
“Your people need a warrior Farva, a warrior who protects the innocent and guides the lost to safety. You have shown how collected you can be in the heat of battle, You have already proven your worth in our eyes Farva, now you must do the same in your own. The greatest enemy lies not without” Teal’c places his hand firmly on the venlil’s chest “But within”.
After Action Report - Venlil Colonial Defense Force
Subject : Chief Engineer Donu
I fiddled with my holopad, Its small surface area proving to be a consistent source of annoyance in my current endeavor. Gone was the large workspace afforded to me by my holotable back in my office. Instead I had to work with the scaled down portable holotablet I was just fortunate enough to have strapped to my person when I was beamed away from our last ship. I was stuck with its smaller keyboard and slower rendering speeds.
An annoyed smooth skin alien looked over my shoulder at my device, attached to it was a jury rigged fiber optic cable, slotted into a terran silicon to crystal patch cable, which would convert the electrical signals broadcasted by my tablet into a bandwidth that the terrans crystalline based computers; which they used for highly complex tasks like hyperdrive and transporter systems; could use, and then It was patched again in a even stranger connector to patch into the odd asgard computer stones.
All in all it looked like someone tried to plug a regular computer into some crystal construct like you would find in a fantasy holonovel, and again plugged that into a harchen heat rock sauna lounge. Finally branching out from this conglomeration was a simple copper based wire that connects to a computer terminal at which currently sat the late Doctor Rodney Mckay. A title upon initially hearing led me to believe he was a medical doctor, which led to a flurry of medical questions that he had absolutely no means of answering.
While this odd alien nomenclature was interesting, what intrigued me more was his actual area of expertise, theoretical astrophysics, as well as a number of other diverse specialties and fields. Not to mention not only was he a great scientist who had he been raised in the more civilized portion of this galaxy, would have knowledge and aptitude that would put him alongside some of Aafas greatest minds, but he was also an engineer without peer, at least in this galaxy. His interactions with general Samantha Carter hinted at her possibly being his match if not more. For a species that was supposed to glorify violence the decision to have a scientist be arguably the most senior member of what was by their admission a military vessel spoke to their commitment to knowledge and understanding, a very noble prey-like goal.
I looked warily at the lines of code at my screen, the asguard translation program had earlier scanned our ship and was able to parse written languages, but complex files, like images and 3d design schematics were harder to encode and decode from our perspective systems. As is stands we have 3 completely separate computer architectures, the asguard can talk to human computers and the venlil computers can talk to the asguard computers, It sounds like we would have everything we need to get a human C.A.D schematic into a venlil holotablet right? Wrong! And you're stupid for entertaining such a idiotic notion! Parsing text from raw binary is relatively straight forward, you're just looking for patterns, repeating bit combinations that might infer letters and then iterating them over millions of times looking for patterns, letters, words, and then with a bit of help from some undecoded analog audio transmission, spoken language. This is a far cry from actual procedural communication protocols,the ones that allow for file transfers, exactly what we needed if we were to get Rodney's redesigned part schematics into a format and medium that can be plugged into a suitable fabricator. Assuming one still exists, which I can reasonably assume it does.
Speaking of which, I have just made something of a breakthrough. For upon my screen appears a simple geometric hydrogen cube, we’re talking vertices, planes, material data, everything we need for a usable design file.
I let out an excited pent up yip, the culmination of hours of frustrating software integration work. Unfortunately I startled Rodney, who lets out a panicked gasp and clutches his chest pelts with one of his paws.
“Oh god…..” He gasps, pointing at me “Please.. don’t do that”
“Sorry!” I say a bit meekly. I slowly approach him so as to not make him unnecessarily uncomfortable and show him my work.
“I got the file exchange set up, all we need from you is to finish any modifications to your part, upload them to my holopad, and then we can print away at any class 3 or above fabricator we can scrounge up on Brayga colony.”
“Ok.. um.. got it, I'm almost done i’m just you know” He points a lone grasping appendage at his screen,”Running some simulations, making sure everything is up to spec.” keeping his response kurt. “Sorry for freaking out there.”
I nod my head in the human display of affirmation and return to my workstation to further bug check my work, to test potentially problematic edge cases for when he finishes. Tho Rodney's continued odd behavior intruded on my thoughts.
I should have felt empowered, being able to intimidate this ‘massive beast’, but I didn't. I didn't like being feared, his people have been nice to me, Rodney himself courteous to a fault and desperate for positive attention.
I thought I could expect predators to be fearless but that clearly wasn't the case, rodney was fearful, nervous, had I not known better I would say defective, and while it annoyed his crew, they didn't berate him for it, or attempt to assert dominance, they encouraged it even with placating words and tried to help him through it, they encouraged and supported him like a proper herd, even if sometimes it took the form of what the human would call a playful ribbing. I supposed I could help him as well.
I approached him again, careful to make my approach known to him, making sure to approach from within his limited field of vision. He looks up at me with a wide eyed glare, had I not known him I might have assumed it was hunger, but I did and knew it to be concern.
“Uh high Donu.. um whats up?”
“Why are you afraid of us rodney?”
“Wa-What, me afraid?” he gives out a panicked laugh ”uh no no, I'm not afraid, you know just a bit weirded out I'm just getting used to you all, it's not a fear thing it's a a…. Just getting used to new aliens thing, ask Hermirod we went through this whole song and dance right buddy”
Hermirod furrowed his brow and gave an irritated sigh from across the room.
I reached out to take Rodney by the paw.
His whole body flinched at my mere touch, I quickly withdrew my paw.
“Oh.. um.. I didn't…”
“Rodney! It's okay, your crew doesn’t seem to care when you show fear, and neither do I. Why are you afraid of us? You are almost twice our size and surely double our strength, most venlil would scream and run in terror at the mere sight of you. What's wrong?”
Rodney let out a sigh. “Oh its, we don't have to talk about this, I can deal with this, I deal with scary situations all the time, it's fine, I'll be fine.”
“Rodney, my people are a very emotional, empathic people, we are open with our feelings and with our fear, and the fear of the one can affect the herd, please let me help you. I don’t know what to expect from your society but I promise I wont judge you for your fear or emotions, I mean look at many of my crew mates, we are no one to judge”
Rodney shot back “You didn't seem to be so bothered”
“I’m too old to care, I was about to retire, hell I was about to die as far as I knew, Brayga colony was supposed to be a quiet place to lay back, work on some hobbies, plant a garden and pester the young men of my colony until I either dropped dead of boredom or got lucky” I joked.
That seemed to raise Rodney's mood somewhat. He sighed and seemingly relented.
“It’s… a dumb story, I don't even know why it affected me so much, I come from a place on earth called Canada, people don't usually believe me when I say I am from there, us Canadians are notoriously friendly and I guess I haven’t exactly filled that mold for a lot of my life, but hey I'm working on it, people like me, I have lots of friends back at Atlantis” He says the last sentence in a way as if it isn't me he's trying to convince.
“I'm sure you do, Rodney, You seem like quite the charming individual when you're not cowering!”
“Ha ha thanks, maybe you could come and visit sometime. Tell that to doctor Becket, really nice guy, smart man, he would love to meet you, he loves investigating new species. But back on topic, oh boy, so me and my sister Jeannie were on a family trip to rural Vancouver to visit my grandpa's farm, he kept a lot of goats, not for eating or anything, they were essentially pets that he would use for milk”
“Wait hold on? You drink milk from other animals! Do your females not produce enough milk for their young?”
“Oh um no, we just sort of drink it or ferment it into cheese!”
“Ferment? You mean spoil?
“Yeh”
I reeled from this plasma blast of a statement, I like any right minded venlil had a number of nightmares about being an arxur’s cattle before, especially when I first learned about those things in primary school, but never once had it crossed my mind that we could be used for something so weird. What the speh was I supposed to do with that information?
“Maybe you should get back on topic”
“Yeh sorry about that uh.. Anyways the momma goat had just had a litter of babies, and their real cute when their little, so late in the day when my grandpa was asleep we snuck out to the pens so we can play with the little baby goats, our grandpa told us not to but you now how kids are.”
At this I think back to a young Nyan, as I teach him the inner working of the hyperdrive, I tell him he’s not cleared yet to operate in this engine compartment alone, but I could tell from the occasional caught black hairs and dropped writing implements, there had been a number of curious unauthorized expeditions into its inner workings, he didn't really listen either.
“My sister as always was trying to be the voice of reason, wanting to take it slow. If I was paying attention I might have noticed the angry moma goat who didn’t appreciate the strange human messing with her children.”
The color seemed to drain from his face.
“I uh…” He began to stutter again ”I screamed, a lot, it was rather undignified, she ran right at me, thank god it wasn't a male goat, one with horns, I tired to run but I was hit in the back and knocked over and kicked real good in the head, like wake up in the vet clinic a quarter mile down the road kind of bad”
“This goat was a prey animal?”
“That would be what your kind focuses on”
“Oh sorry”
“Anyways It seems dumb but I have just never been good with animals since then, especially ones that look like you; no offense; I'm getting better but when I first saw you guys in the hangar bay, I was just that dumb kid again, getting in way over my head, scared for my life. I guess there is something to be said about childhood trauma. I really should be over this, I'm getting better with it I swear it’s just”
I take his paw again, he doesn't flinch this time.
“I'm a venlil, a prey animal, I know fear, I know what it is to live in fear, It rattles your brain, it turns your paws to wet grains. It takes great strength to overcome it, to push it aside just long enough to protect the herd. Your herd relies on you Rodney and you are doing a great job in spite of your fear, in spite of having to work with those you fear. You have achieved intellectual feats that rival the greatest minds of the federation and all that while struggling with a traumatic experience. Fear isn’t dumb and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling it.”
“Thank you” Rodney says “That means a lot, I won't be like forever I promise, I just need some time.”
“We will laugh about this someday,” I assured. “Nothing as big and intelligent as you should be afraid of anything”
“Are you calling me fat?” Rodney exclaimed with fake offense.
We both chuckled.
My kind words had resulted in a more upright posture, and a more cheerful demeanor from the human, almost like when I congratulated Nyan on his work, and it got me a look at that happy snarl of his, that I was starting to grow quite fond of.
After Action Report - Venlil Colonial Defense Force
Subject : Apprentice Engineer Nyan
Oh wow! I get to write a report for this mission! I never get to write reports, Donu says they're too boring, but there’s so many interesting things going on all the time. Sometimes I sneakily write my own! Just for fun of course, nobody sees them, which is probably for the best as I sometimes get excited and embellish them slightly. One of the reports I wrote was about the time Donu used nothing but a wad of electrical tape, a bottle of high grain venlil alcohol and a pocket knife to repair a venlil medical ship just in time to get out of the way of a big scary space predator, with glowing red eyes and a million tentacles!
Anyways Im not sure If im suppose to write these In present tense first person or past tense. I asked the captain and she said it's whatever so long as I make sure any pertinent dialogues are properly quoted(“”).
“Nobody usually reads these things anyways.” She said, but this one is surely going to be so exciting, who could look away!
I mean who's gonna scoff at a chance to read about friendly predators from another dimension! A dimension of friendly predators who give warm head scratches and hand out yummy strayu not strayu treats called donuts, that are somehow fluffier than strayu, and have a nice moisture to them. I asked for the recipe but Samantha said we wouldn't have the ingredients back on Venili prime to make them, and Teal'c said the recipe is an old family secret. Its weird predators would be so protective of their plant snacks.
There are so many weird things about these predators, they have nurturing instincts that make them find us cute. They stay perfectly balanced even if they don’t have tails, swinging their arms and body all over the place to keep upright like a lopsided gyroscope, it's pretty funny looking!
They also wear artificial pelts all the time, which I thought was weird, I thought maybe the ships temperature was set by the angry gray alien since he’s the only crew member beside the venlil who walks around naked all the time, maybe he had a fit when it was to warm, and the humans obliged him cause they were worried they would make him even angrier, and wore clothes to make up for the cold. I thought this made sense, a lot of their technology does seem to come from the Asguard, maybe he has more say in the goings on of the ship because of that. But apparently humans just like wearing pelts all the time. They feel uncomfortable without them and don’t like it if you try to remove them or look up their upper artificial pelts they call shirts.
The humans are so weird, I don’t even have to embellish my reports to make it more interesting. Like that time with the big tentacled space predator. That may sound real compared to this stuff but it Isn't, Ha! I bet you fell for it at first, hook line and sinker! Like the humans would say. I think I used that saying right, I'm not sure what it means, but Shepard brought it up when he was telling a story about the wraith.
The humans are so nice, instead of exterminating their predators they try to cure them! Their doctors are working to modify the wraith so they don't have to eat humans anymore, so they can be friendly predators too.
Anyways I should probably get to the actual report part of this report. Farva says I should start after I went off with Samantha to work on some special astrophysics equations she said I would be good at. I kind of wanted to go with Donu to help Rodney get the new parts they needed, or Farva to help rescue our people, but the humans and even the angry gray alien got really weird when Farva mentioned taking me on the mission. Samantha seemed to want me to help her really badly so I didn’t mind. Samantha says I have the most important part to our mission. She's teaching me about how humans communicate through subspace, and about stellar drift equations. We are working on what she calls the exit strategy.

Hi everyone. It took some time to have an update, I didn’t want to give useless informations and kept waiting things really change.
There’s the link with an update of my previous post:
Things got better, and there are some problems we were able to work in. First thing to say, I was angry when I wrote that, and obviously, I prefer saving my marriage than divorce. Husband to a week to process things, talk to his mother to take advice, and he called me. We decided meet in a cafe, since it was a neutral environment. He was calm and good looking. We talked a lot (3hours straight), and for summarize there are some important points and facts on that discussion: First of all, he is not into Amanda anymore. The thing which disturbed him when she started to date, is that maybe Amanda’s BF was child free and try to take Amanda away from her daughter. He said that he worried about that, and that’s really over with Amanda. For his daughter, he said that he has a form of problematic with attachment things. Since there is a man other than him in Gigi’s life, he was afraid to be replaced, so he sabotaged himself the relationship, and he transferred his anger and apprehensions towards GiGi and me. He talked a lot to his mother, and she said him what I said this day: he needs to work on his own problems without letting them freaking up his relationships with people. For the cheating when Amanda was pregnant, he told me the truth: this was obviously wrong and disgusting, and he never told me because he was ashamed and he asked me to forgive him about that. The relationship between them two were not good, she was pregnant and vulnerable, he hanged out with friend and ended hooking up with a girl he met at the club while he was drunk. Until now, he is sad for what he has done and that’s why he doesn’t drink anymore. We decided to go on family counseling because his choice was to save our marriage.
He goes himself alone with his therapist one time a week, and we go as a family with Gigi once a week too. There are real improvements in our family’s life.
I’m now friend with Amanda. She takes Gigi every other week end and she met her stepfather. They get along very well. If things continue to be fluid, she can bring her with them on vacation, and she will take her more. We planned a diner for my husband to meet Amanda’s boyfriend.
Between me and husband, thing went really better. He opens himself a lot more and we work on his issues slowly. Things get better
Hope everything continues the same way

My mum turned to drugs before I was born. When she had children she stopped taking drugs but slowly turned back to her old habits when my sisters and I were little. My dad was an alcoholic so he didn’t play any part in looking after us. He would drink in the pub as soon as it opened and wouldn’t leave until it closed at night. I would still see him, but it was usually when he would come over to the house that we lived in at the time and fight with my mum. My mum had a boyfriend who was physically and emotionally abusive towards all of us. He was also a drug user, so they would often leave us alone to go out and buy drugs. I can remember him abusing all of us. I have memories of him buying us pet rabbits. Shortly after getting them, he got angry about something and threw them down the stairs, so they passed away. I also remember him running out of the house naked and hiding in the garden from the police. He would hit us and also shout at us for getting scared. We were badly neglected to the point that social services got involved. They tried to help my mum but had no choice but to take us into foster care. We were in foster care for six months until my grandparents won the custody battle, and we got to live with them. During the six months that we lived in care, my mum did not attempt to better herself so that we could go back home to her. Instead, she chose drugs. In 2013, we went to live with my grandparents and have been there ever since. We cut off all contact with my mum, her boyfriend and my dad. They didn’t make any effort to get in touch at all. My dad would send us letters in the post occasionally, but he would also call the home phone when he was drunk and shout abuse at us on the phone. We started a new primary school and everything was going well until I was watching a film at home with both of my sisters. My older sister is eighteen months older than me and my younger sister is two years younger than me. My younger sister wasn’t involved as much in the situation. In the film, a couple were trying for a baby. In one of the scenes, they were rolling around on a bed kissing each other. We hadn’t seen anything like it before, and we were curious about what they were doing and why they were doing it. We made up a game where we would act out what they were doing in the film. My older sister and I would kiss each other. I can remember her touching me inappropriately once and also getting me to touch her back. The kissing turned into acting out having sex by “humping” each other because it felt good. It was innocent curiosity, we would choose who was going to play the “boy” and who was going to play the “girl” and would make up different storylines. I was around 8–11 years old when this happened. Most of the time we had our clothes on, but sometimes we didn’t. I didn’t understand sex at all when this was happening. I can remember hitting puberty at a young age and when I got my period I thought I was dying because I didn’t know what it was. I can’t remember any of this happening regularly. I think it just happened occasionally , but I know it happened a handful of times with both my siblings as well. I don’t think I truly understood that this behavior was wrong at the time, because I had lots of raging hormones, and I was just a traumatized child. I recently told my family about what happened and they’ve been so helpful. I’m slowly starting to rebuild a bond with my sister and I’ve realized that I can’t blame her for what happened because it wasn’t her fault. I’ve also struggled with severe OCD and anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I would have repetitive rituals that I would perform. I would be terrified of leaving my room in case anything bad happened so I went to the toilet at the end of my bed. I thought that bad things would happen to me if I didn’t do things a certain way and spent a lot of my time worrying. I left primary school and started secondary school, but I struggled to keep friends and always found myself feeling left out. I can remember my dad coming to visit on birthdays and Christmas, but when we went into lockdown because of coronavirus, I found out that he had cancer. We went to visit him and say goodbye. When we did this, I saw my mum for the first time in years. On Christmas Eve 2020, a few minutes from midnight she phoned to say that my dad had passed away. I miss him a lot, but he brought my mum back into my life. I slowly started seeing my mum more often and things were going well until she got me drunk one night and took me out to buy drugs with her. I can remember sitting on the sofa with her and her encouraging me to smoke crack cocaine. I was so drunk that I did it. The next day, when I woke up, I knew that she hadn’t changed. I had £2000 savings in my account which she knew about so she would “borrow” the money for gas, electricity and food. I knew it was all for drugs and I didn’t always get the money back. She mostly just smokes weed now, but she slips up sometimes. My mental health is slowly improving but everything that I’ve just written down bothers me a lot. I can’t change the past no matter how much I want to so I just need to move forward and be more positive.

My mum turned to drugs before I was born. When she had children she stopped taking drugs but slowly turned back to her old habits when my sisters and I were little. My dad was an alcoholic so he didn’t play any part in looking after us. He would drink in the pub as soon as it opened and wouldn’t leave until it closed at night. I would still see him, but it was usually when he would come over to the house that we lived in at the time and fight with my mum. My mum had a boyfriend who was physically and emotionally abusive towards all of us. He was also a drug user, so they would often leave us alone to go out and buy drugs. I can remember him abusing all of us. I have memories of him buying us pet rabbits. Shortly after getting them, he got angry about something and threw them down the stairs, so they passed away. I also remember him running out of the house naked and hiding in the garden from the police. He would hit us and also shout at us for getting scared. We were badly neglected to the point that social services got involved. They tried to help my mum but had no choice but to take us into foster care. We were in foster care for six months until my grandparents won the custody battle, and we got to live with them. During the six months that we lived in care, my mum did not attempt to better herself so that we could go back home to her. Instead, she chose drugs. In 2013, we went to live with my grandparents and have been there ever since. We cut off all contact with my mum, her boyfriend and my dad. They didn’t make any effort to get in touch at all. My dad would send us letters in the post occasionally, but he would also call the home phone when he was drunk and shout abuse at us on the phone. We started a new primary school and everything was going well until I was watching a film at home with both of my sisters. My older sister is eighteen months older than me and my younger sister is two years younger than me. My younger sister wasn’t involved as much in the situation. In the film, a couple were trying for a baby. In one of the scenes, they were rolling around on a bed kissing each other. We hadn’t seen anything like it before, and we were curious about what they were doing and why they were doing it. We made up a game where we would act out what they were doing in the film. My older sister and I would kiss each other. I can remember her touching me inappropriately once and also getting me to touch her back. The kissing turned into acting out having sex by “humping” each other because it felt good. It was innocent curiosity, we would choose who was going to play the “boy” and who was going to play the “girl” and would make up different storylines. I was around 8–11 years old when this happened. Most of the time we had our clothes on, but sometimes we didn’t. I didn’t understand sex at all when this was happening. I can remember hitting puberty at a young age and when I got my period I thought I was dying because I didn’t know what it was. I can’t remember any of this happening regularly. I think it just happened occasionally , but I know it happened a handful of times with both my siblings as well. I don’t think I truly understood that this behavior was wrong at the time, because I had lots of raging hormones, and I was just a traumatized child. I recently told my family about what happened and they’ve been so helpful. I’m slowly starting to rebuild a bond with my sister and I’ve realized that I can’t blame her for what happened because it wasn’t her fault. I’ve also struggled with severe OCD and anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I would have repetitive rituals that I would perform. I would be terrified of leaving my room in case anything bad happened so I went to the toilet at the end of my bed. I thought that bad things would happen to me if I didn’t do things a certain way and spent a lot of my time worrying. I left primary school and started secondary school, but I struggled to keep friends and always found myself feeling left out. I can remember my dad coming to visit on birthdays and Christmas, but when we went into lockdown because of coronavirus, I found out that he had cancer. We went to visit him and say goodbye. When we did this, I saw my mum for the first time in years. On Christmas Eve 2020, a few minutes from midnight she phoned to say that my dad had passed away. I miss him a lot, but he brought my mum back into my life. I slowly started seeing my mum more often and things were going well until she got me drunk one night and took me out to buy drugs with her. I can remember sitting on the sofa with her and her encouraging me to smoke crack cocaine. I was so drunk that I did it. The next day, when I woke up, I knew that she hadn’t changed. I had £2000 savings in my account which she knew about so she would “borrow” the money for gas, electricity and food. I knew it was all for drugs and I didn’t always get the money back. She mostly just smokes weed now, but she slips up sometimes. My mental health is slowly improving but everything that I’ve just written down bothers me a lot. I can’t change the past no matter how much I want to so I just need to move forward and be more positive.

have a friend with a shitty boyfriend, and I can't just say that because he'll stop being my friend and my partner's friend. He can't handle directness at all.
And he has an unhealthy relationship with his mom, and I can't say that because it's none of my business. But his mom is a terrible person, and he wants me to hang out with her. I can't hide a strong dislike for someone. And! I can't just say that because he'll stop being my friend and my husband's friend.
And my MiL said some homophobic stuff, and I just had to pretend to understand her feelings on it. She quoted the Bible about "man shall not lay with man," and I immediately corrected her saying it's "man shall not lay with boy," and that it's a mistranslation from latin. She didn't really like that, but I wasn't intentionally being aggressive, so I think she let it slide? I was in her house and didn't have transportation home at the time. I couldn't really afford to be assertive.
And my MiL is friends with this lady that treated my husband extremely badly. I don't know all of it still, but the things I do know are fucked up. The lady came from a rich family, sized me up with a "so what do you want to do when you grow up?" which actually means "if you plan to make a lot of money, I will respect you," and was just generally snooty and pretentious. My MiL says this lady saved her life, and I have a good guess that my MiL is just this lady's walking example of her generosity. Like an object used for reputational gain. Can't suggest that, though, because MiL will dismiss it and likely lose respect for me.
I can't think of more, but I'm constantly having people telling me things and not being able to speak my mind because a massive fallout will occur. Burning bridges and such.
I was told I'm condescending, and I'm sure that's true. I don't think people change, so I expect patterns to continue. My friend will probably choose another crappy boyfriend if this one doesn't work out. And so on. Assuming things like this has bitten me in the ass before though. I'm a bit out of it, but this feels relevant. I'm also not good with confrontation. And I feel like this post probably makes me look naïve and maybe an asshole myself.
Idk, I'm typing too much. I'm working on the condescending thing. I can't burn bridges because I don't have any support otherwise. If I ever need anything I can't do myself, I'll have no one.

Hii so I’ve been kinda struggling with my feelings for the past few weeks about my best friend’s new situation. My best friend (20F) and I (21F) have been best friends since we were 11 and 12. She’s basically like a sister to me. When I was 16 after many years of hiding, struggling with internalized homophobia and coming to terms with my sexuality I told her I liked girls and maybe 2 months after that I said that I’m a lesbian. She had a great reaction and I was happy I could be myself with someone.
A year later so at this point we are 16 and 17, she came out to me as bisexual. I was so excited and it was really cool to have a best friend who also liked girls! It made us even closer. I was very happy but deep in my heart I wanted to meet more lesbians because I really wanted a community / friends who only liked girls. Obviously no hate or anything to bi/pan girls, I just wanted to also have a friend who exactly understood the experience of being a lesbian, and not liking men and how isolating that can be. But I didn’t dwell too much about it, I was just so happy to know more queer people and be able to express my feelings about girls.
Now a bit over a year later so she was 17 almost 18 and I was 18 almost 19 she told me that she’s been thinking about it for a while and actually she’s a lesbian. I was so so excited. I loved my best friend no matter what but this brought us even closer and I felt so much more secure and confident and not alone in my identity. It was really cool to be able to relate what’s it like being a lesbian and not liking men, especially since all of my friends who are queer still like men.
The next 2 years it’s „girls, girls, girls,” „I never want to be with a man”, „I love being a lesbian”kinda stuff from her. One day out of the blue (few weeks ago) my best friend called me and told me she has to tell me something cuz she likes someone. She says it’s a boy. She said she guesses she’s not a lesbian and never was but she genuinely did think she was when she identified like that. Suddenly she starts telling me all about this guy and it feels like not my best friend and all. Overnight she goes from hating the idea of being with a man to having this huge crush on him. Next week he became her boyfriend.
Quite honestly I feel heartbroken and so alone. I don’t have other lesbian friends and suddenly loosing this connection with her over being lesbian that has been so important to me disappears. I felt sad, angry, annoyed but obviously it’s not her fault. I feel so alone in my identity and have been feeling like the odd one out constantly. Almost all my queer female friends boyfriends and it makes me feel like the only one who doesn’t like men. I never cared before cuz I had my best friend and I could tell her all the things only she as a lesbian would understand. I just feel like the only one who wants to have a girlfriend and into women (currently because all my female queer friends have bfs so obviously they won’t be thinkinh of getting a gf or talk about women when they have bfs they love).
Ever since they started dating, it’s been weird between my best friend and me. It’s also been hard to hear about her boyfriend and most of the time when we finish calling I’m almost like annoyed and mad and sad and lonely. It makes me not wanna call her at all and I hate thacuz she is like a sister to me but rn I just can’t. I know it’s not her fault or anyhthing but it almost feels like betrayal or something but yk I know it’s not? Also ofc I understand that sexuality is fluid.I just feel really alone in my lesbian identity.
Am I crazy for feeling this way? How do I cope? Any advice is welcomed. I just needed to share this cuz it has been weighing on me the last few weeks.

Some background. When I (26F) was in college I did a summer program where I got to perform with other students ages 16-22ish. The program was not affiliated with any school. I was 18 the first summer and I became really close with the guy ("Gus" 39M) who was in charge of teaching me and my peers. I took a summer off to do some service work for a church and went back the year after, where Gus was still in charge of teaching students. While I was gone, Gus and I communicated frequently via email and FB, with him giving me lots of support because it was hard being away from home. Over time, as I leaned on him for support, he began to do the same.
The summer I went back, Gus and I remained very close. While he would be teaching me and my peers, we would also still be exchanging messages and joking around. Outside of the program, we would hang out and get food, he would give me rides (he said physical touch was his love language and would often give me long hugs or put his hand on my knee). He would always pay, saying he knew I was tight on money because of college. I didn't realize at the time that this was weird or not right for someone in a teaching position to do with a student, even an adult one. When people started asking me if Gus and I were dating, I let Gus know that people thinking that made me uncomfortable and we should reevaluate how we act because I wasn't interested in that. We were just friends. It seemed like he understood, but over those next months, he would get upset with me when I had more free time to give to my boyfriend (now husband "Shaun") than I did Gus.
Shaun and I got engaged and Gus was upset I didn't tell him directly (we told our siblings and parents and then made a FB post for everyone else). It really soured my excitement. At our wedding, Gus sat a table the whole time and didn't come to the dance floor where I was the whole night. He was then upset that he didn't get a picture with me in my wedding dress before I changed.
Over the next few years this same pattern continued where Gus would be upset when I didn't spend more time with him, he'd get upset if I wasn't texting him every day, but he didn't want to hang out with me and Shaun together because "he didn't know Shaun that well". I tried to set boundaries multiple times and tried to explain to Gus that I was feeling like he was using me as a fill in SO, but he wouldn't ever finish talking through it, would say he understood or had questions, things would cool for a few months and then he'd start complaining about the lack of time we spent together again. I was still teaching at this school with him. My husband started teaching there as well and Gus complained saying "this was the last thing we had that was just us". I had started feeling anxious having to spend any time with Gus.
When I started working with the summer program, Gus was still there as well. I had to do a training for safety with minors in order to work there and that's when I started to realize Gus had developed a weird, unhealthy emotional attachment to me and had been ignoring the rules teachers are meant to follow concerning students (even adult students). He had been love bombing me, gaslighting me and emotionally abusing me for years. And I had no clue what to do with this realization. My heart sank. I loved being friends with Gus but he had abused me, my trust and my friendship. I decided I would just start cutting him out and leave it at that.
The following summer, I had a friend who had also been a student in the program who was now working with the program ask me how I got Gus to leave me alone. Apparently, she'd been feeling uncomfortable around him as well for similar reasons (though she was older and smarter than I was when he started pushing on her). I told her I hadn't, really, I just stopped talking to him.
This past year, I got a more permanent position with that same school. I had thought that Gus was no longer working there much, so I thought it would be okay. I work directly with someone who I'd known for years, and had known Gus for decades. Gus and him hang out every Sunday and they had worked together for just as many years. Like I said, I thought Gus wasn't working in that same role anymore, so I took the job and thought nothing of him. I was wrong. And I had a breakdown knowing I'd have to work directly with Gus now. My boss had no clue any of this was a thing and I hadn't previously mentioned any of to anyone besides my husband. After realizing I'd be working with Gus, I broke down to my boss who encouraged me to let the program coordinator of the summer program know about what had happened. I was worried at this point because it was clear it wasn't just me - if it had been, I would've suffered in silence. So, I let the coordinator know. I also texted Gus one last time to let him know I could not and would not be involved in this sick twisted friendship any longer. I would work with him, but that was it.
Gus was asked to resign from his position as a result and he was informed that I was the individual who had made the report. I still think it was wrong for whoever to betray my anonymity but I haven't done anything about it.
Now onto the problem as a result of all of this. The school we all 3 work with has no clue that Gus was asked to resign his position working with students because of an inappropriate relationship with a student. Gus and my boss exclude me from major decisions, even though Gus is hired as a para professional and I am hired as an Assistant Coach. On paper, Gus and I should at least be on the same level, if not me above him, but he has years of tenure.
I kept asking my boss why I wasn't being included, and he kept giving me bullshit excuses about how I wasn't intentionally being excluded, Gus and him just hang out a lot and end up talking about work at the same time. Things finally came to a head a few days ago when I was excluded from our staff FB chat group for the past few months until that day. I confronted my boss on why I had been excluded, telling him it wasn't really about the chat, it was about everything else leading up to it. I asked him again why I had been excluded from major decisions and he finally told me it was because Gus was uncomfortable being around me. To say I was shocked and angry was an understatement. I was already crying from frustration before he admitted this.
I reminded my boss that I was the victim, not Gus. He told me "well he's not NOT the victim, his whole life is different now because of your report". I reminded him that he encouraged me to bring it forward and he said "don't turn this on me, you chose to do it" completely ignoring that I had told him I was unsure what to do but just wanted him to know because Gus and I would be working together. He has no concept for the idea that he's shaming me as the victim. He told me he was trying to "mitigate" the situation and every time he had suggested bringing me in on things, he "could just see Gus tense up and get comfortable" and so he decided to leave me out, instead. My boss is choosing his best friend over me. I asked my boss what my future here could possibly be if he was going to choose Gus over me, and he went off on how he values me, but if I feel I need to leave, then that's my choice.
I'm just so angry that I'm getting punished for something Gus did. I'm losing out on opportunities because I was emotionally abused. And no one else on the staff has any clue and they all use love Gus. It feels like no one knows or cares that I'm getting pushed out of my dream job because an older man got the hots for one of his students and couldn't control himself. I don't even know how to bring this up to the administration, because I clearly can't work in these conditions and they need to know if I leave it's because my boss is siding with my emotional abuser on all of this.

I've (21F) been with my boyfriend (23M) for over a year now. Our relationship is generally great, he's sweet and kind to me, and have frequent fun dates. I love him lots, we have a lot of love for each other.
Now, we don't really have arguments over major things. But when we do fight, it escalates very quickly, sometimes it feels like the fight comes out of nowhere. Not in an angry way. My boyfriend shuts down during an argument, goes mute. I'm typically a person that's open and likes to talk everything out. I try to work with him through it, ask if he needs space, or sometimes we'll just sit there in silence. I get nothing from him. And even after a bit, when he does talk to me, he just wants to get it over with and not discuss it with me.
I rarely get apologies when I'm upset. I always let him know, if I do something that bothers you, tell me. If you need space, or want to talk about it later, or anything at all, tell me. He refuses to communicate with me.
It's so emotionally draining. I love him, but sometimes I'm the one who needs support when we fight. It sucks when I'll be upset at something he does, but I can't bring it up in fear that he shuts down on me, or I end up being the one supporting him, when I was the one who was upset in the first place. It doesn't feel fair.
I don't think it's because he doesn't care, I think it's trauma associated, but idk how to help him, and it's affecting the both of us greatly. It breaks my heart each time we fight. I've suggested therapy multiple times, but he refuses, stating that he doesn't think it'll benefit him. Both couples therapy or individual, I'd do therapy too on my own if he chose individual. He wouldn't do the therapy alone.
I'm starting to fear bringing anything that bothers me up or showing any negative feelings. I bottle them up because I don't want us fighting, which I know isn't a good thing and builds resentment. I feel like he does that sometimes too, bottling things when he's upset.
We recently fought again, and I'm reaching my wit's end. It's not fair to us that we feel so horrible during these fights and ruins our day. I want to support him, but it always feels like it's at my expense and starting to mentally drain me. It worries me for the future, and how it would look like when there's bigger things to possibly fight about. I'm close to giving an ultimatum, therapy or I'm done. I know ultimatums are never good, and I don't want to end the relationship, but I don't know what else to do. Any advice?
TL;DR: Boyfriend shuts down during fights and refuses to communicate with me. I've tried so many things to help. He refuses therapy. I don't know what to do.

Hello! I would like to know when you moved in with your S/O? What was your experience like? How long were you with them, or are you still together?
My boyfriend (21M) and I (24F) have been together for 6 months. I would like to ask him to move in maybe after 9 months. I’ve read some other posts and know there are big things to consider before making the move. I have seen him get angry, we have gone on a week long vacation together, I’ve seen his place and him mine when it’s messy/not put together. I own my home and he lives with his parents so neither of us would be moving in together out of necessity.
TIA for your help!

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. Our relationship is generally great, he's sweet and kind to me, and have frequent fun dates. I love him lots, we have a lot of love for each other.
Now, we don't really have arguments over major things. But when we do fight, it escalates very quickly, sometimes it feels like the fight comes out of nowhere. Not in an angry way. My boyfriend shuts down during an argument, goes mute. I'm typically a person that's open and likes to talk everything out. I try to work with him through it, ask if he needs space, or sometimes we'll just sit there in silence. I get nothing from him. And even after a bit, when he does talk to me, he just wants to get it over with and not discuss it with me.
I rarely get apologies when I'm upset. I always let him know, if I do something that bothers you, tell me. If you need space, or want to talk about it later, or anything at all, tell me. He refuses to communicate with me.
It's so emotionally draining. I love him, but sometimes I'm the one who needs support when we fight. It sucks when I'll be upset at something he does, but I can't bring it up in fear that he shuts down on me, or I end up being the one supporting him, when I was the one who was upset in the first place. It doesn't feel fair.
I don't think it's because he doesn't care, I think it's trauma associated, but idk how to help him, and it's affecting the both of us greatly. It breaks my heart each time we fight. I've suggested therapy multiple times, but he refuses, stating that he doesn't think it'll benefit him. Both couples therapy or individual, I'd do therapy too on my own if he chose individual. He wouldn't do the therapy alone.
I'm starting to fear bringing anything that bothers me up or showing any negative feelings. I bottle them up because I don't want us fighting, which I know isn't a good thing and builds resentment. I feel like he does that sometimes too, bottling things when he's upset.
We recently fought again, and I'm reaching my wit's end. It's not fair to us that we feel so horrible during these fights and ruins our day. I want to support him, but it always feels like it's at my expense and starting to mentally drain me. It worries me for the future, and how it would look like when there's bigger things to possibly fight about. I'm close to giving an ultimatum, therapy or I'm done. I know ultimatums are never good, and I don't want to end the relationship, but I don't know what else to do. Any advice?
TL;DR: Boyfriend shuts down during fights and refuses to communicate with me. I've tried so many things to help. He refuses therapy. I don't know what to do.

In S6E15, Leonard gets angry with Sheldon and thinks of moving out to live with Penny without asking her. Then Amy tells Sheldon that she's his best roommate and plans to move in with him again without asking him. Although both had option to say no. If Leonard is wrong in trying to move in with Penny without asking her then in the same sense Amy is wrong. If Penny is wrong not saying 'no' then Sheldon is wrong.
Why at the end both Penny and Amy are mad at Leonard and Sheldon? Penny says "Come on Amy, let's drink wine and talk about what jerks our boyfriends are". It seems like whoever is wrong, the guy is blamed in that episode.

My mom has always been very anti-religion my entire life and a couple years ago she essentially came out as Christian. She was crying and telling me how worried she is for me and how she knows that I hate god (even though I don't believe in one???). I've had a lot of mental health stuff and she told me that she used to be so scared of me killing myself that she prayed on it and god told her that I won't die until I'm saved so its just my destiny I guess. She told me this as a warning because "Jesus will break your legs to get you there" and she wanted to save me from that pain. Jesus sounds like a narcissistic asshole. Pass. I just told her that I'm glad that she's happier now but that's not my thing.
For a while she was very annoying about trying to convert me and would say that if she wasn't trying to get me into heaven then she clearly didn't love me. I told her that this behavior wouldn't change my mind it would just make me not want to be around her anymore. She told me "if that's how it has to happen, so be it." Ouch. She refused to consume any "secular" media ie: normal ass movies that she's enjoyed since the 90's. She would very regularly lecture me on how every single thing I enjoy is satanic or evil in some way, ESPECIALLY my music. So far I've learned that jesus will abuse you until you love him, christianity means not giving a fuck if your kid never speaks to you again and anything that brings anyone joy is bad.
At one point she told me that when I told her I'm just glad that she's happy that she wanted to tell me she's the most miserable she's ever been.
She's calmed down a lot recently and isn't so aggressive about converting me. She does still try to trick me by doing things like showing me a new "metal" band that I might like and it's just another shitty christian singer. Last night she broke down crying and said that she's just so miserable here on Earth and that every night she prays that she doesn't wake up. All she wants to do is join god and since being saved all she can see is all of the bad around her. She has always struggled with mental health but becoming christian seems to have made it so much worse. I've always thought that people turn to religion to make themselves feel better so I'm completely lost as to why my mom is doing this to herself.
She has become very nasty and judgemental in the name of god but if she ever does anything wrong she'll quote some shit about not judging others from the bible. She also became homophobic over night.
Some of her craziest christian hot takes:
She once told me that she's jealous of one of the mothers of a child who died in a school shooting because her daughter was a martyr.
There are invisible ghost things that whisper to babies while they sleep and make them gay.
She won't quit smoking because if god wanted her to quit he would've taken the urge away when she was saved.
She's OK with my little sister dying because she's a believer and would go to heaven but if I died she'd be upset because she'd know I'm going to hell.
It is sinful and unnatural for us to get treated for our bipolar because that's how god made us. (We're very miserable and bad to other people without medication and therapy but ok).
My little sister was in a very controlling, abusive relationship and he would make her dress a certain way which is obviously bad and my mom agreed. Now she has a christian boyfriend who makes her dress a certain way but my mom thinks it's endearing because this time it's in the name of god.
Christians are the most oppressed group.
We should teach christianity in public schools.
Tattoos are bad and sinful UNLESS they're religion related.
God cured her of her fear of spiders when she was saved.

I really never thought I would be that girlfriend in a relationship. I’ve always played my share of video games so it seemed like it was no big deal. But at this point I’ve had enough. We’ve lived together for a year now, together for two and I don’t even know how many times this combination of issues has gotten brought up.
My(27f) boyfriend(30m) is very into a particular game. Doesn’t play much else, no other real hobbies to speak of. I think he would be totally content being left alone to play on his computer all day. And aside from work that’s pretty much what he does, all the time.
I’ve begged. We’ve had arguments where I’ve begged him to just spend some time with me. I don’t care what we do, I just don’t want to have a conversation with the back or the side of his head while we’re doing it. It would be nice to do something together for a change. But even if we do, it feels forced. Because I know he wouldn’t have done it in the first place if it wasn’t an argument, and he’d rather have his headphones on to watch a video and play his game. Not long ago it was another argument, so he came with me on my next errand, and I was almost in tears by the end of that very short trip because he so clearly just didn’t want to be there it wasn’t worth the fight or the way it made me feel.
We had a baby not too long ago and she’s so absolutely perfect, but I’m so so let down by how much time he spent on the computer during our leave. I made so many excuses. It’s his only hobby and I play too, this is what he does with his friends, he’s just getting some gaming in before the baby comes, he’s destressing when he has the chance now that the baby is here…. I feel like there’s a million of them. But paternity leave meant he had all day to play, so that’s what he did for the most part. He asked if he could still do his weekly raids less than 24 after I had our child. He did help, don’t get me wrong. But he wasn’t what I needed him to be. I get that he was tired too but there were so many times it seemed like he didn’t even try.
The fact that it’s been an argument so many times now makes me feel like I expect too much from him. But meanwhile, he expects me to work from home and take care of the baby, then get off and make dinner, I guess I’m supposed to clean the kitchen after too, then bathe and put her to bed by myself, then maybe if I’m lucky he’ll pay enough attention to me that when he finally comes into our bedroom we’ll have sex, where he clearly isn’t really that concerned with wether or not I get anything out of it, and it’ll feel like he’s just trying to get it over with as fast as possible.
It feels like he hasn’t been an active participant in most of this relationship. And if he wanted to be he would. Thinking back I genuinely can’t remember any time we went out together or have done something and it seems like he’s actually having a good time. He’ll say he is, but it doesn’t seem like the case. It kills me because I love him so much. He really changed my life so much for the better and he’s just so….apathetic about everything in our lives. Like he settled for me and is just going along with it. We spend like maybe an hour or two together because he won’t hang out anywhere but where his computer is and there really isn’t anywhere for me to comfortably sit and take care of the baby in there.
I think I’m at my limit. I don’t know at what point I should just give up and acknowledge he’s not going to change. How long should I give him? How much is too much video game time? How much more effort do I need to put in to get even half of it back out? Is it even worth it to try? I don’t want to leave, but now we’re in this weird place where I get so frustrated with him and he doesn’t want to deal with it so of course he goes to his computer setup and plays. I don’t even know what to do. I’ve probably spent a month crying all throughout the day everyday.
I don’t think it’s postpartum depression, I’m not depressed. I’m humiliated and angry at how pathetic he makes me feel. I’ve felt so alone these past few months wondering if he could hear our baby screaming with his headphones on. Or if he’d be more interested in spending time with the baby if he had had her with someone else. He says I’m the love of his life but I don’t believe that anymore. I think the love of his life would be able to pull him away from the computer without having to ask. It really makes me wonder what kind of person it would take to get him to willingly turn the computer off.
TLDR: boyfriend spends too much time playing video games and I’m about at my breaking point over it.

Throwaway account and needing to get this off my chest to relieve some of the weight I’ve felt.
I (F27) have a half sister (F42) that I’ve been distancing myself from since 2019. Throughout my life, she has acted as a surrogate mother rather than a sibling. Our mom had each of us at wildly different stages in her life. My mom planned to have my sister right after high school and raised her as a single mom going through law school. My sister got the happy, hard working, excited for life mom even though they had limited money and did the best with what they had. I was an accidental pregnancy 14.5 years later while my mom was a lawyer and married to my dad. I was born into a two income household and went to summer camps and did sports and band, even though a lot of things drastically changed when my parents split when I was 8. After the divorce, and even more after my sister moved, I got the depressed, angry, bitter, alcoholic mother whose boyfriend put his hand into my pants and grabbed my ass as a 10 year old and my mom said not to tell anyone so he wouldn’t get in trouble and could keep paying for stuff for my mom.
When I was 14, my sister decided to move overseas for a boyfriend and that wrecked my mom. My sister was my mom’s surrogate husband through 2 divorces, her accidental pregnancy with me, etc. After my sister moved, my mom became a full blown alcoholic who was also taking my prescription pain pills from a knee surgery. My mom had always been verbally and emotionally abusive but it really ramped up after my sister moved. Though my mom hasn’t been diagnosed, she fits all points of borderline personality disorder.
Fast forward to now. I’ve been distancing myself/very little contact since early 2019 from my sister due to the emotional abuse throughout my life. Growing up I thought everything she said was justified because she was my older sister and siblings are just like that. Through tons of therapy in college and being diagnosed with anxiety, and depression, and getting on medication, I realized that she is actually very hurtful to me and my mental health. For as long as I can remember she would throw in my face that I had a better childhood than her and I was so spoiled for having a dad present in my life (hers was present but she cut him off after high school because he didn’t try as hard with her as she wanted). Every time I got a birthday or Christmas gift she would make a big show on how SHE never got things like that growing up and how I was so spoiled. Any time I had a problem with a friend or a friend hurt my feelings she would tell me I need to grow up and I’m just selfish and immature, etc. and would turn it to a personal attack on me when I just came to my sister for advice on a friend.
As I got older, things with my sister got even worse. At Christmas she told my mom she didn’t want my boyfriend (now husband) of 2 years coming over because he “wasn’t a part of our family”. When that same boyfriend a few years later came home to our apartment and was super sweaty and I asked him not to sit on our brand new fabric couch my sister told him she “feels so sorry he has to live with someone like me”. When on a vacation I said I missed my bed and she went to our mom and told her I wanted to go home and I didn’t appreciate the trip and was being a brat. On one trip when she when was visiting the states (and I was really struggling in college and was really looking forward to seeing her) I told her I wished I had more time with her (she spent 5/7 days with a friend) she blew up at me for ruining her trip and not appreciating her flying all the way here. When my mom was completely renovating my old bathroom (that was broken the whole time I lived there but she completely transformed it after I moved out for my sister when she visits) I suggested to my mom that she lowers the new mirror because when she sells the house (which she has been wanting to do) it would most likely be a kid’s bathroom and my sister took that as me being angry and jealous that my mom was maybe hanging it higher for my sister’s husband.
There have been many other comments but you get the gist. So, one day my therapist asked, why in the world I keep in contact with someone who treats me this way and makes me feel so horrible? I realized it might be better for my mental health to greatly distance myself, so I did. I stopped reaching out and greatly filtered anything I talked to her about when she was in town. We had barely talked for a year when I found out she was pregnant. We continued to not talk much through her pregnancy and the past few years. When they are in town I am always over and hanging out with my niece and being a great aunt when they are here. My sister has said she’s surprised I’m so good with her daughter because she “assumed I didn’t give a shit” due to my distancing with her. She also has said she’s angry that my niece likes me so much because I don’t “try enough” for her in her eyes.
Now a few years later, I find out (through snooping on my mom’s phone which yes I know was bad and I regret it) that 2 years ago my sister said some really vile and insidious things about me and tried multiple times to turn my mom against my now husband. She constantly said that my husband says things about my mom behind closed doors and that he is not in her favor but has no proof or examples when my mom repeatedly asked her for receipts (my husband has never said a bad word about my mom to me or anyone else and he barely ever talks to my sister). My mom luckily defended my husband and said he has been really good for me even when my sister said I’ve gotten so bad since being with him (I started distancing myself slightly through 2016-2018 and went almost no contact in 2019 and she assumes it’s all after I got with him when it was really when I started therapy). She also assumed I’m jealous for her having the first grandchild (even though I don’t want kids and have expressed that for years) and that I cut her off for having a child even though she was such a great sister to me and how could I be so evil to her and her daughter. She has never brought these points up to me and I have continued to be present when they’re here and I have never told my sister the reasons for distancing myself (I have tried to talk to her in the past but she always flips it on her being the victim and how I’m such a selfish and horrible, hateful person and will not listen to my side ever).
I feel like if I told her my reasons for rarely speaking to her it would seem out of the blue and she would turn it on me (how she does with everything else) and it would be me being a horrible aunt for not being super present in her kid’s life even though I need to keep the distance with my sister for my mental health. Even though she hasn’t said anything to my mom in the past 2 years about me, it really hurts to see what she said 2 years ago.
I shouldn’t care what she thinks and just focus on my mental health but her believing her child is the sole reason I cut her off is nowhere near the truth. I do not want much of a relationship with my sister going forward and mainly communicate and spend time with my niece when she is visiting the states. I do want a relationship with my niece but can only have one by being in contact with my sister who I now know has said some of the most hurtful things I’ve ever seen in my life.
If you’ve made I this far I greatly appreciate it. I’m sorry for my rambling thoughts, just needing to vent.

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sister, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, May 8, Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply.
My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time
So, I am torn on whether it was right of me to put myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

--My husband wants to hang out with his friends rather than help me with yardwork.... **Dump him!**
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--I (21F) recently started dating this older guy (27M). Is that OK.... **NO! Run! He's a creep! He's a groomer!**
--My sister is always asking me for rides, even though she knows I'm busy.... **She's using you. Cut her out of your life!**
--I just started a job and my boss said something about the election that made me uncomfortable. What do I do? **Report him to HR!**
--I heard a coworker tell another coworker that he thought another coworker was "hot"... **Wildly inappropriate. Report him to HR!**
And this is the simplistic, angry, punitive advice which gain the most upvotes...Are we really this messed up as a society? Or is it just on reddit?