Free nursing care plans templatesm

For context, I've tried to switch to Linux a few times by now, but i'd defnitely still call myself a noob and sorely lacking in experience with Linux. I've tried Ubuntu one or two times, then I briefly used Linux Mint, and now I'm on Debian and I feel like giving up again and switching to Windows (Although I have been considering switching to Alpine only because I have a goblin in my head that cares way too much about optimization and efficiency so when it sees low minimum requirements it goes ooga booga install. So I guess that's another question I have: based on what I'm going to do on Linux, is Alpine a good option?).
To clarify, what I plan to use Linux for is mainly for casual things along with programming. Stuff like web browsing and viewing media files, gaming (specifically a mix of old and modern games, along with some more obscure stuff like BYOND), writing and creating documents, learning game development to make my own game (I plan on working solo with the engine being Godot), and learning how to code.
My issues, I'm assuming, are fairly standard and common: difficulty getting things properly installed, having things just straight up not work, and just generally being lost and not being able to figure out how to resolve any of this on my own. And so, I'm starting to wonder whether I'm just being a fucking idiot or it's just that the distro I'm on isn't best for what I need.
As for what I'm working with, I have two computers: a laptop and a desktop, both of which I'd like to switch to Linux for. My desktop computer is the Lenovo ThinkCentre E73 Mini Tower, a 2013 pre-built desktop computer meant for business (yes, it's a hand-me-down and it's been used and abused for quite a few years now), and here are it's specs:
CPU Intel Core i5-4570S CPU @ 2.90GHz x 4 Memory 3.6 GiB GPU Mesa Intel HD Graphics 4600 (1.5 GiB)
As for my laptop, it's an ASUS X580VD (and it's also an old laptop and a hand-me-down). Here are it's specs:
Processor Intel Core i7-7700HQ CPU @ 2.80Ghz GeForce GTX 1050 Installed RAM 16.0 GB
So essentially, I'm asking for some guidance on whether the distro I'm using is suited for what I want to do and I just have fuckall for brains, or it isn't and I should change.

I, 15- Have been questioning my identity since I was 10, And i have finally comfortabely sat myself in the nonbinary category, I have been looking for places that would do top surgery for me, and have been seeing what my state offered health-care would do to help, One day when my mom looked through my laptop, she saw my search history of how I was planning on transitioning, She went into a full blown meltdown and when I got home from school she started shouting and screaming how i was "a sinner", "ruining the family", etc, along with other slurs that i cannot say and will NOT say!
I was caught off guard, because this specific day I had gotten home from a painful 6 hour day of non-stop testing, and studying for my finals in June. We got into a full blown argument and she continued to bring up how in the past i was depressed, Saying "you would be so dissapointed in urself if you saw how gross you are now!" okay mom.
I snapped back, and told her that in 4 years I turn 18, and i will be my own person and i can do however i want with my body as long as it isn't affecting/isn't a hatecrime to anyone. She then pulled this wonderful charm of "it's a hatecrime to the christian family you were raised in!"..what..
I have since then refused to come out of my room when she is home, and my grandpa has been making sure she stays away from me. WIBTA if I transitioned even after she said no?

I am dating someone and I feel like there are a few issues between us. I need an objective opinion on is it really that bad for me to stay or am I just overthinking and overanalysing and being anxious for nothing.
I (24F) started dating (34M) 1 year ago and when I slowly started knowing him he was all good and wonderful. Really polite and available as well as sweet on most occasions. At that time he told me his age is 29, when it was actually 33. It was much later that he told me his age is 33. And that he said 29 because otherwise I would have never talked to him. We are in an LDR which is few hours apart. It has always been me travelling to see him. Earlier he was free but never made plans now he is severely tied at work and family issues so he doesn't have time. We met a few times and over a course of three months he told me sex is very important for him. And he can wait as long as it takes me time to see him again but when we see each other we will have sex. Before this I have never had any sexual experiences and I had always visualised having sex with someone I am very serious about. At that time I was attracted to him and wanted to try it myself so I said yes okay. Although the condition didn't fit right with me because he mentioned if we can't have sex, we can't be together. And I think I should have backed out at that point itself. Because his love for me was conditional. Anyways since I also wanted him I said yes. We met after a few weeks and before that we had a small fight, so I wasn't in the mood for sex and I was very tired. I simply wanted to eat, talk and sleep that night. I simply wanted to settle down a bit. He initiated the makeout sessions and at that point he realized I am not interested in having sex and he said if we can't have sex tonight we have to end things. Stupid me tried to make him understand a bit, but he won't budge. Then I slept, after that I woke up and saw him wide awake, annoyed and sort of like a kid- scornful and whining. I tried to reason with him and he said we can continue this only if I agree to have sex now. After a bit of thought and to bring peace I said yes. Now when we started... it was very painful, I think I was tight because I wasn't really turned on. I stopped him 2 times and he got pissed. After sometime we tried again and it ended. It was painful. And during the whole time he didn't stop because according to him it was supposed to pain a bit and we needed to get over it. He was slow and patient but really stubborn. - I still feel extremely sad about how it went, how he behaved and how I was made to say yes. Even though I had a chance to just leave him but it was a weird situation he won't leave the room, he would sleep next to me and sulk. I didn't really know how big of a deal sex is. At that time I was willing to do it given my mood gets well. But he basically gave me a threat and I succumbed because of my attachment. We did cuddle and slept together the whole night but in retrospect I am not happy about how he behaved with me.
After that, the next day I didn't wanna have sex as I was sore. He said - again you are doing the same drama. We need to get over with this so that it stops paining. So the next day twice we had sex but I wasn't really into it as I was sore. But I had a chance to say no but again I was put under a mental pressure. I really don't want to view it as rape because I also like him and love spending Time with him otherwise. But he made sex so mandatory idk.
After that we met a few more times, if not together, we would talk regularly, share things, he would help me with few of my personal stuff. But he never really comes to see me or did anything for valentine's or my birthday. But it's still alright for me and he is occupied and busy. The few times we have met after having sex it's always just in a hotel room, even though I like the sex but it's just that, cuddling, sleeping. We never hangout anymore. And I feel sad about that personally. Another thing is- he has trust issues. To navigate that he asked for my gmail password, insta password and access to my texts which I gave him. I do not have access to any of his and never have I ever looked into his phone. Anytime any male colleagues interacts with me he asks me 10+ questions. He asked me to cancel a picnic plan because it has boys in it. He doubts me a lot. A few times we have had fights and he has called me- cheap, dumb, plain looking, ordinary, slut ( he heard me laughing with my colleagues I have a very very platonic relationship with), whore (one time he overheard one senior colleague discussing a topic related completely to work), r word as well when he has been really angry one time I cut his call to take an important call from a friend as his mother was ill.
He blocked all my male friends on insta and whatsapp. A few times he has mentioned he liked me only because I seemed loyal and that I am as ugly and one time I said I wanted to watch a horror movie and he said I should look in the mirror jokingly. Most of these were when he gets angry and loses his shit but calms down as well. I do not know whether this is a trauma bond or what.
He doesn't really compliment me. I don't have a very authentic objective opinion but from what I hear from others- they say I am cute, diligent, kind and sharp at work. And many guys give me enough attention at work. So I don't know whether he says these things to make me underconfident or I am not exactly his type otherwise.
A few times we have had fights and he has told me he will block me unless I call him right now. He has also mentioned that there's nothing I can give him and that there are far better, more good looking, more wonderful girls he has dated (all in anger).
One night I slept early and had my phone on silent. He called me 12 times and in the morning accused me of sleeping with someone. I had to explain to him ardously with evidence that I didn't go anywhere. So it's really mentally taxing on me. Even If I go on a walk without informing he doubts me and threatens to actually cheat on me. Obviously he never gave me any of his insta password. On his insta, all his followers are girls (less than 100) and majority of the people he follows are girls (around 250). While he has blocked almost all guts on my insta and blocks any guy who texts me on insta who isn't my colleague and asked me to block my cousin brother I am close with.
Are these reasons enough to leave someone? Recently he mentioned marriage and all this while I had kind of wanted that things will get fixed. But day in and out I think of that day and it feels like what happened was wrong. I did give my consent but I feel like it was better to tell him to leave and I should have just ended things then. Because he gave me an ultimatum over sex. I was below his stubbornness and ego. It has been over a year and I still think of that day.
I have tried to make it work so far because I became really attached and liked him a lot. He's loyal, sweet and a regular communicator otherwise. We had a habit of sleeping on calls and I really liked such a tender side of him. I don't think I will be able to find a decent guy. If we breakup I will probably end up alone for life.
Please be kind in comments. One thing I am absolutely shameful about is the sex. I wanted to be intimate with someone I would settle down in the future. And that's why leaving him feels so painful. I feel used and sort of not good enough in case I meet someone else.

I moved countries, got a post grad degree with disntinction, found a partner (not Asian which they were perfectl’y ok with, overjoyed even because colonialism) got married, got a job, then got another job and then another one after that. I make more than what 50% of people make at my age anywhere in the world. I work hard and I have job offers from large corporations as I’m looking to move again. And my Indian parents still don’t think I do “A good job”. They call my WFH day my day off. They think I just fuck around all day. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the words “well done” fall out of my mother’s lips. When I tell them I’m looking for XYZ role at a higher position they always say “Why would they hire you for that?” Because I FUCKING DESERVE IT!
All my life I have been trained for one thing and one thing alone, professional success. Since I was a little girl of 4, my parents have conditioned me to believe that my life would fall apart if I don’t get successful independently.
“If you don’t study hard and get good marks, you will be very poor and you won’t ever be able to buy anything or go on nice holidays. And then you’ll have to become a rickshaw driver” my mother used to chant at me as she dressed me for school as a kid. I was 4 and I still remember this. She did this everyday till I was 10.
And that’s whatever, built character, taught me that being my own person means being dedicated to work and that’s ok, because they didn’t have any other expectations from me. They didn’t care if I ever married, I’m not their retirement plan, I don’t support them financially nor will I ever have to. I’m not expected to reproduce, like nothing. I haven’t ever done a single household chore (because that was time spent AWAY from books and studying). I just have to build my own wealth because they are leaving everything to their name to charities (which is totally their choice as it’s their money and I genuinely support them in this endeavour).
But sometimes or even just once it would be nice to hear them say “Well done Princess. We’re so very proud of you” not “You aren’t ready for that position at that company” or “They are the owners, they decide this”.
Just once if my mum said “Good job beta” it would just be so nice or if my dad even said “Very Nice!” Which he literally says about everything.
Does anyone else feel this way?

Didn't think I would be on reddit but looking for i guess public random help? If I ATA then I will accept it.
I am having issues with my girlfriend and was hoping within the next 10 days to pop the question, and as shitty as it is, she is bringing up and point of view in our relationship I do not agree with in any capacity.
We have known eachother 9 years, Started dating almost 3 years ago. I had strong reservations about this relationship even beginning because I had gotten out of something bad a year prior and she had gotten out fo a 5 year relationship before getting with me.
This is a rare and only time where the girl was asking me out and I was saying no. I had started to learn about boundaries and mental health and it felt like at that moment I could not handle any form of a relationship. She forgets to tell anyone in this story how the longest she has been in single is 6 months and basically hopped from relationship to relationship.
I had told her she needs to spend a year or more figuring out what she wants in life for herself and who she is outside of a relationship because it sounded like a person with no path or direction.
I will admit I was weak and definitely like her, come to find out we liked eachother when we first met it was just bad timing. The only reason I asked her out is because all my friends said we looked and seemed perfect together and they hadn't seen me that happy in a long time.
So far we have had it good, and of coure some fights, but if I am being fair her last few relationships have been very abusive and non loving and the abuse goes all the way back to her family as well. So after my many failings I learned how to, not lash out or scream or make instant judgements or start a argument with texts, I have learned a lot from my own short comings and it feels she is where I was years ago. When we fight 80% of her arguments come from a topic that isn't even the issue and that fights feel like , I made her hurt or upset so she is gonna hurt me the same if not worse...
An issue I was warned about when I started dating, was after I inherited some money. I had been told by most of my family that dating financially below me could be tough because they might always see the comparison. And in a couple relationships it has been thrown in my face. Its not great, but it was given to me and I know that isn't fair. I would say I spend most of my money on my friends or significant other well being, not to buy them, but gift giving is a strong love language and I guess I always felt guilty I did nothing to have this money.
The recent conversation has been about her making more money versus me. I stopped working about 6 years ago to try and get into home investments and real estate stuff, I got tired of not being promoted when I showed up early, stayed late kind of crap then being asked to do 100 tasks not in my job description, but the actual on paper description of the person who got promoted over me and was not doing. I don't mind working hard or even for free, but if on paper I meet qualifications and the person promoted doesn't, then I have a problem.
This is her first consistent job that pays okay and has benefits. She job hops year after year and when looking for jobs they want some form of loyalty more than 1 year and she keeps wanting to go back to a bar job downtown that when she first had it was making bank, like 1800.00 every weekend only two days of work, but then when every bar opened up downtown post covid her weekend pay was now like 1200, then 1000, then 900. Not to mention tons of shootings and scary phone calls I would get at 3 AM. So we made a deal if for the next three months the paycheck wouldn't increase beyond 1000 she would quit and not go back... So I have supported her through multiple jobs and quittings and her trying to start her own baking business that she tanked because anytime I set a price for her baked goods, she would give a massive discount and not breakeven... I have even done 24hr straight baking sessions to get massive orders to clients in which killed our oven that I had to fix. I just wish she'd stay somehwere for a while and build a resume that works. I know our whole country is fucked financially and the average survival salary of our state is 100k,.. I already cover everything and pay for everything else...
I have been doing the real estate investing on mostly my own, and obviously it is not going well, trying to be ethical and moral and in the housing market seems like an oxymoron. I still have more money than she brings in and I am working on my real estate license, but I bought the house, take care of her, our dogs, mow the lawn, help out with her family of 9, fix our appliances, take care of her indoor plants, gave her a garden for outside that I also maintain, cook dinner or buy dates most of the time, pay for trips, her dogs surgeries etc, She is saying I need to make even more money so she can take it easy and stop working as much... But she has complained multiple times about wanting to help out around the house mroe and with payments... Idk how she can help if she is gonna take an inconsistent paycheck, and have no benefits of any kind and drive farther...
Am I slacking as her man and better half or is she not stepping up to the plate and doing her share?

I have a bare field, one acre, that has been forestry mulched. Long term plan is to plant hardwoods, but I want to put in some grass to prevent weeds from taking over until I can get the saplings planted. What grass should I plant? I’ll spot kill the grass when I plant the trees. I don’t care if the grass is native or not. I won’t have a tractor on site for a year.
Or, I’ll also take straight up recommendations on what to do next.
My location is Northern Virginia, zone 6, 1500 foot elevation.

Background: I never once thought I’d go down the accounting career path. It just kinda landed on my lap. I was working at a hotel 10 yrs ago while going to school for Business Admin(CC). I was working as a night auditor & was promoted to an accounting manager but I never really managed anyone. I did AP/AHR. After 2 years, I had to relocate. Since I was young & never thought or had the confidence to apply for another accounting manager job, I applied for Night Audit again and went on to become an A/R. I did A/R for 2 years & switched job because I wanted something more. I am currently working as an accounting III (59k). It started fine, i was doing more A/P, some AR, tax filling, etc. 5 years in, they made me manage the whole AR system & I feel like I’m just chasing people for payment over & over. I’ve totally forgotten everything I’ve learned about accounting. We don’t even do month-end or year-end!! I’m so bored at work & my brain is just slowly dying, literally. I want to explore more and I’m planning on getting my Bachelor’s starting this fall. I’m just so scared because 1) I feel I’m too old & I feel like i’m starting from the bottom again & 2) I might regret this “I need a new adventure in my life” phase because my current job is sooooo easy & I could probably use the free time for school.
I’m at a point where I think maybe accounting is not meant for me. I’m just so confused right now. I’m 34, no mortgage, paid off car, & no kids so maybe I’m just trying to look for the meaning of my life aka quarter life crisis.
Anyway, did anyone here start their accounting career late? Or did anyone leave accounting & switched to a different path?
Thanks for reading.

Hey guys, I'm probably going to be playing 1st for Chicago the musical next fall and I want to prepare over the summer. I found a free pdf of the original book(which will be different than the teen edition but I'm assuming similar enough) and i have to growl a lot. I'm confused on how exactly I should do it? Would it fit the style of Chicago more to flutter tongue or to actually hum? I can already hum while playing but I always feel like it sounds bad from behind the bell and I've never taken the time to record it or actually practice it. I can't flutter tongue but I can probably learn if I tried. What one would be more true to the style? Specifically the beginning trumpet solo- I want to make it as nasty as possible.
Also, any general tips for Chicago? Im generally a more classical player, I play in a youth orchestra and never did jazz band on trumpet at our school because we had too many trumpet players so I haven't had the chance to actually learn jazz. I plan on transcribing some solos over the summer as well as taking home some of our old jazz band music to play through but any tips would help a lot.

I’m in a predicament. I’ve recently decided to go for a nursing degree. And I don’t know which would be a smarter option. I’m extremely eager to start working as a nurse and I really want to do the ABSN program. However, I’ve read the ADN programs are a better move financially. Which I am concerned about the prices of most ABSN programs. But I think I could pay the ABSN program off within 2 years or so if i went that route. My plan is to live with my parents until the loans are paid off. Or to live as cheap as possible or to work as a tavel nurse. But I also hear that it’s smarter financially to do the ADN route than bridge for BSN. Since most hospitals will either fully or help l pay for it. My only issue is that it’ll take 2 years. And I’m extremely impatient and want to make big money now. I know I shouldn’t be turning to the internet for a major decision, but please I would love to hear some good advice!

This is my first post here, most likely won't be posting much but this sub has helped me with lots of tips the weeks before surgery, but also made me scared of things that I really didn't have to be so I want to make a positive post to show you that yes you can do this and do well on the first 10 days.
Just for the reference I'm over 40 and had the surgery done because of a shoulde back problem, went from a DD to maybe a C, doctor said wouldn't take much more than that and although some days were tough I look back now and think that went by really fast. Another thing, I went to school for Nutrition so I tried to keep a very good diet pre and post op, I'm already getting out of the track but first week I did great LOL
So here's what worked for me:
Increase your protein intake before and after surgery. I don't really like to eat meat/ chicken every day but I've been doing just because I have to, also eating other kinds of protein.
High fiber diet and lots of water (and walk) - from the beginning I knew I didn't want to take stool softeners or laxatives and because of that I ate lots of salad, fresh fruits (stay away from apples), multigrain bread, ActiviA yogurt, probiotic juice, lots of liquids and I was walking since 1DPO, all started to work on 2DPO and by the 3rd day I was going to the bathroom normally. Also: this is pretty good, cook some dry apricots in water and eat, works better than prunes.
Things that I bought and used:
Couldn't shower for 48h so these rinse free bathing wipes worked amazing to keep me clean. I have to add a note here that I was very scared of showering, after the first shower (seating on a little stool, don't buy a shower chair, just use any little stool with a towel on the seat) I didn't shower for 2 days because I was way too scared and mostly because I was scared to look at my stitches and because I read horror stories here. With prayers and a good pep talk I took a shower all by myself after 2 days.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XQ9NQPQ?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
I bought a mastectomy pillow just because I have 2 dogs and one of them loves to jump on me otherwise I wouldn't have bought
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CPMFFVKP?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details&th=1
I used lots of pillow to sleep and worked fine, don't waste your money buying those pregnancy pillows, each day you're going to want a pillow in a different place.
These pads are the best to use inside your bra, you will have some drainage and these work perfectly
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09YVPCT6N?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
That leads to bras, what an ordeal. The bra I came from the surgery was some medical bra that is exactly the Carole Martin on Amazon (thanks for someone who wrote about it on this sub), I got an extra one but was horrible, digging on my armpits. That fruit of the loom that everyone raves about it also had the same problem for me, not mention the elastic on top of my incisions. This one is the best bra, it runs big so I have now 2 sizes. For reference Im a 42 on Carole Martin and I'm a L on this bra (bought an XL which works but it's a big too big), doctor said I could use and change my bra no problem
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQLXQJS2?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details Yesterday a friend who is a RN told me that I could use cortisone cream + AD cream or DESITIN cream on top because most likely the pain on my armpits was because the bra was chaffing my armpits, now Im also using a chaffing gel and things are improving.
And here's the most important tip I'm going to give you, have people with you, tell friends and family that you are having a surgery, it's good to have people praying/ cheering on you, checking on you, bringing you food (although I said many times we didn't need cause I filled my freezer with meals), this part is the most important, makes you feel loved and cherished. You just went/ going through a major surgery and the first few days it's almost impossible to do something by yourself. Having someone helping you out and taking care of you makes a world of difference.
On the 4DPO I went to get my hair washed at the salon, it was great getting out the house, seeing people and being pampered a little bit. Made me feel special and pretty, believe me you will feel very yucky after hospital and surgery. Now I shower and my husband washes my hair, still hurts a lot put my arms up.
My last tip is rubbing alcohol helped clean the sticky from the EKG leads (the sticky pads for monitoring your heart during surgery) on my skin chest, it took a couple of days to realize I had that.
I hope and pray that you (whoever reads this post) have a great surgery and recovery, that you feel very proud of yourself for doing something so brave like this and that you feel pretty confident on yourself before and after the surgery.

Wrote a massive jumbled mess so instead in short autism and ADHD has made me into kinda a villain to society I've completely gone against it I won't conform to it I just do what i want im kind etc and generally ur happy charasmatic ever so be it stoner nieghbour friend who mostly just acts really oddly with no shame or fear don't feel disgust I dont feel sadness just isnt logical ive controlled my extreme anger over the years but always kept it well fed in able to use it in well competition basically fix human weakness and train and controll the strengths no matter what i face at the end of the day i wanna be able to kill it to be apex i guess but yeah safe mostly for now but i know its gonna get worse there is a constant deep desire to destroy to cause chaos cause mind fuck mayhem death and pain shame people use them as puppets just the most obscene stuff with them just thinking about it is just wow to me but for some reasons i at least have to wait to dominate a life i have a few responsibilitys left to finish and tie off before im free to break that boundary and experience that dream so i hold it off by learning more practicing creating new plans and devices for mass carnage at least I want to die being known as the guy who killed that other guy no one liked with a list depicting all the things i did to them a hero that did everything society hates but they cant help but applaud lol yeah any way thoughts

Me (20MtF) and my boyfriend (25FtM) believe that I am emotionally unavailable. How can I be more mentally present and make him feel like a priority in my life?
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, and are getting ready to move into an apartment together next month. I have somewhat severe ADHD, and I believe it is partially to blame for my inability to make him genuinely happy despite us both being in love with each other. When I make new friends, I often fixate on talking to them and spending time with them excessively, and this has at times taken away from time him and I can spend together. This started at the beginning of our relationship and has led to me stopping any attempts to meet new people until we get this sorted out, because we don't get much time together and I wanted to stop cutting into our time together with a random person who I don't actually care about. However, I still do things with my roommates some nights, but it usually turns out that that particular night was the night he wanted to spend with me, but I didn't ask if that's what he wanted to do, so he's just upset and says that I don't care about spending time with him and don't take our relationship seriously.
He works full time at a retail position and I have significantly more free time as a (now just graduated) college student. So I try to prioritize his days off to see him, but I tend to forget to ask about specifics, leading to misunderstandings. I told him last night (Friday) that I was going to head home to my house that night so I could continue packing for when we move, which should have been fine because he worked at 9 this morning (Saturday) anyways. Then tomorrow (Sunday), he has the whole day off so I can come over tonight and spend the night and all of tomorrow with him. However I didn't check this plan with him and it turned out that was not what he wanted me to do and was upset that I went home last night, leading to him texting me that he doesn't want to see me on Sunday either because he's bothered by how little time I attempt to spend with him. I clearly know that very clear communication is needed in this relationship, but my ADHD makes it difficult to remember to do this.
When we do get time together, we have days where I am fully mentally present and these are absolutely wonderful. Neither of us have ever been as in love with someone else as we are with each other. But on other days, my ADHD flares up even when I take my medication, and I end up being mentally completely distant from him during that time. This makes him feel like he isn't good enough to get my attention and is taken extremely personally. This breaks my heart because I of course don't want him to feel this way. I love him and love spending time with him, but my ways of interacting with him differ on certain days and don't always give him what he needs to be happy in our relationship. This leads him to feel like even when we do get time together, that a large amount of it is wasted doing nothing that is productive to our relationship or strengthening our bond as partners. He says he's been closer emotionally with past partners after a month than we currently are after a year. I reassure him that I have intentions to work on these things and I genuinely do try, but things haven't been completely fixed yet and it leads to recurring arguments over the same things.
So, sorry if any of that was unclear or rambling. What I'm wondering is a couple of things: What can I do to work on my emotional availability and being mentally present in our relationship and our time together, if anything? And, considering that this will take a decent amount of time to fully fix, what can I do to reassure him in the meantime and prove to him that I'm making progress? Thanks for reading <3

Well hi there! How's the weekend been treating you?
Mine's been alright, but that's not what you're here for is it?
You saw the title on this post and now you're all curious right?
I bet you're wondering what boyfriend stuff includes? Let's start with:

• Getting texted back regularly with an option for phone calls!
  
• Going out on dates with possible holding hands or making out!
  
• I'll make you laugh with all sorts of jokes from the sophisticated cynicism, cutting sarcasm to childish fart jokes I can do it all!
  
• You can get home cooked dinners! And breakfast too if I'm working overnights!
  
• You'll get all sorts of attention and compliments!
  
• I'm emotionally available and completely over my ex's!
  
• Flowers!
  

....and so much more!
Sounds pretty great right?
But who am I?
I'm a nearly middle aged divorced ex stand up comic that's worked himself into full on burnout working in hotels for the last twenty years. It's made into someone that's very empathetic and caring while still being to be cold as fuck when needed.
In my free time I'm kind of a traditional nerdy white guy. Gaming, cartoons (not anime though), science fiction, detective stories, alternative history, sketch comedy, various sitcoms, hiking, cooking and mowing the lawn occupy my off hours. I also tried getting back into writing again, but it's been challenging.
Now it's your turn! PM me and we can start planning the first date!

Backstory: A few months ago I decided to ask a tarot reader a free yes/no question. I asked if this girl would continue to talk to my boyfriend. I was really anxious in the moment and the girl said yes. I then asked the same question again only to hear that him and the girl would end up dating in the future.
Now this situation has really messed me up. I can’t stop thinking about this situation. Ever since, I have not really felt or been the same and I’m not sure what it is but I assume it’s because of that. I’ve been told multiple times that it won’t happen and that was just my fears playing in the cards and I thought that for a while and I was okay but for the past two weeks the feeling has came back and I don’t know how to get rid of it or how to feel better like I did before. I know it’s not true bc they don’t even talk anymore and I was just insecure but now I seriously need help bc every time I feel that feeling it makes me want to cry. The feeling is like something is wrong but I don’t know what. I’ve been told to journal, distract myself, practice self love + care but I’m scared nothing is gonna work. Now I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it and making it worse or what. I only believed it at first bc most of the readings I get are 70% accurate

Hello everyone! I wanted to write and share something constructive for this space, that hopefully goes beyond snarking specific names and personalities and helps those who have been harmed in one way or another find a bit of understanding around what happened to them and why.
I've shared pieces of my story here before but the gist is: I am not from the coaching world. I'm from the general spirituality world - from a spiritual modality that has an aspect of divine feminine and divine masculine that has always interested me, but few others in the community. I learned about this whole specific mess listening to love & light confessionals, and went deep into the rabbit hole. The perversion of understanding of masculine/feminine energy dynamics was horrifying but also enlightening. I'm big on learning how NOT to be from people who give me the major ick. This is why I've done a lot of deep diving in general on cults, gurus, and manipulative spirituality in general - and there's a lot to take away if you can go in with this mindset. I'm also hella autistic and love infiltrating niche internet subgroups whose experiences are much different than mine so I can - again - learn from the experieneces of others, and gain more empathy and understanding of the vast human experience.
I was a very forward facing person for the nonprofit I volunteered for for over 4 years. There was no "guru" that I supplicated, however there was a person formally in charge who abused their power and the willingness of others to help the organization, and was known to be cruel in private, when it suited them. I didn't see this person as above me - in fact in a lot of ways they were quite pitiful and needed a lot of help/support in their role - which is what I did, willingly and for practically free. At one point, the entire org sat down and did a call in of this person, however, they were able to push everyone that they couldn't control out of the way and rewrote the story with themselves as the victim (we all know this one). The final falling out happened at the end of 2019, so luckily for them Covid gave them some time to figure out how to run their events without me (they hired a paid staff).
Anyway, I gave many many hundreds of hours to this cause, and then the person in charge was able to take advantage of me and then push me out of the community I had served very seriously for 6 years with rumors that I had been trying to steal money. This is so far beyond the truth, and everyone involved directly knows this, but no one came to dispell the rumor. So, I've been heartbroken by supposedly "spiritual" leaders of a community, that's for sure. In fact listening to Katya was part of the cult deprogramming that me and a group who had left together went through (this group also used, abused, and betrayed me but that's another story!)
So, this isn't going to be about me, I just wanted to share my background. This is about what the divine feminine and the divine masculine "REALLY" are. This may get a bit woo in here but I can't imagine anyone here is afraid of woo. In fact it's the mystery of the spiritual experience that allows these people to cause so much harm. So let me try to remove some of that mystery.
The creation is polarized, in many ways. One of those ways is masculine/feminine. The masculine force is the will, the conscious mind, and that which puts the infinity of possible experience into order. It in and of itself is quite fallible. The feminine force is the subconscious mind - all that is - and the untapped potential of this reservoir. The masculine reaches for the feminine, and if the will (masculine) is properly configured, the unmanifest creation (feminine) will give him something in return. The masculine NEEDS the feminine but the feminine doesn't really NEED the masculine, however it does desire the masculine's attention being focused it its direction (instead of random mundane wordly experiences). And the feminine wants the masculine's attention consistently, lest the feminine will not be consistent at all in its response. This attention can be forceful or gentle, but it must be consistent.
Every human has a balance of masculine/feminine energy in them, and while women are socially conditioned to tend towards feminine expression and men towards masculine, biological sex really has very very little to do with it. There are of course, positive feminine expressions and negative, and positive male expressions and negative. What these polarity goons do is mostly focus on a mix of positive/negative masculine expression for the man, 0 female expression, and then only positive feminine expression for the woman with maybe, possibly, a bit of positive masculine expression (only during working hours when you're in seperate offices, and only if you're paying the bills, ofc)
Typically, we are attracted to partners who "balance" out our spiritual energy - so the "polarization" in a relationship can be anywhere from hyper masc/hyper femme to barely masc/barely femme - and again, this is NOT a hard and fast rule and has almost NOTHING to do with sex other than a general (mostly cultural) bias. The hyper femme/hyper masc scenario can definitely be more, well, exciting and dramatic than a relationship between two people who have very little polarized charge in that way between them. But that's likely why few of these polarity gurus have any experience in longevity of relationships - they are fueling their "twin flame" relationship with manufactured drama and trauma bonding. In reality, in a relationship, you are supposed to grow together and be more willing to meet each other where you are at in the moment, instead of demanding they be a near perfect idealized form before you offer them any attention/respect.
The reason these male teachers push polarity doctrine is literally because of their own wounding of the expression of the masculine/feminine. Men (especially USian men) have been taught that expressing any aspect of their feminine selves is repulsive and weak and probably gay. So, their solution to their own inability to be vulnerable is to attack women - for being "too masculine" - aka some balanced expression of both, normal! They want their women to be 100% pure unformed childlike energy with no will of their own, just a will that can be given to the man. They want them to embody this feminine space as close to 100% of the time so that they are forced into their masculine 100% of the time. Girlies, if you are in your masculine, this makes them feel more in their feminine and - gosh that's just icky and disgusting. You don't want your man to get a boner for you when you're in the masculine - that might make him GAY! In the very least it's totally beta to be attracted to a masculine woman and basically gay anyway. No thanks!
I'm sorry to be facetious, but this is in general a lot of the subconscious and even sometimes conscious thought processes behind these hyper polarity relationships. These are not evolved, embodied people. These are people who are still very invested in the old fashioned human status quo that has served them for a long time. We had the thread a few weeks back with the Desire on Fire lady (ugh her name escapes me) talking about how her husband had to "put her in her place" for being "too masculine" and how he really just "didnt want her" when she was in her masculine, when she was literally just running her business. Masculine wounding almost ALWAYS shows up as men being jealous of women being better at them in their own field - or really successful publicly at all - and this is why women STILL have a hard time breaking into male dominated spaces. We are systemically kept out because men die inside when they feel inferior to women. They were told this wasn't supposed to happen!!!! In fact, the person who spiritually abused me was a man - I see now how he "kept" me as a pet because of my high standing in the community. But this meant I was still firmly below him in certain ways - a much more comfortable place for me to be, someone who challenged him on his "expertise".
This polarity movement is taking a true spiritual concept and distorting it just to set women back. They don't want you to have an opinion or agency - other than "me want money" and "me want sex". They want you to play on Instagram all day and recruit ladies for them to sexually assault at your joint "retreats". They want you to only feel valued if you're made up and dressed up and "desired" by men. None of this internalized self worth stuff, only external male validation is allowed. Ladies, if any of you reading this are with some sort of this type of man, please, I beg you, choose the bear. This is the type of man who leaves you as soon as your body culminates too many signs of being aged. They are entitlted to a specific cartoon image of what they think a "woman" is, and sadly this culture has made young women INCREDIBLY easy to manipulate, so finding another partner is often quite easy for older men. It's all by design.
Here's another spiritual truth that is often obscured: One of the polarities of divinity is the left hand path and the right hand path. The left hand path is the path of control, wealth, using others, egocentrism, etc. The right hand path is about acceptance, generosity, helping others, and sacrifice. The middle path is a path with little to no power - it's the path of comfort, the path most people are on.
When one walks the middle path - i.e. has not really begun to truly develop their spiritual side - they do not yet have spiritual discernment. What happens when they come across someone who has been using spiritual principles to "build their wealth/power" is that they see someone with a spiritual light - and this isn't super common on social media. When we're hungry for it, we're like a moth to the flame. That's why they always know they'll be another mark. The problem then is when we don't have discernment, we cannot tell which "hand" the light is coming from, and often it's very easy to confuse the left hand for the right and vice versa. For instance, I am giving up a large part of my day to write this purely to help others in this community - Carly or MAL or someone might stumble upon this and see it as "evil". But that's because they see the light, but to them it's against their light, so I'm the evil one. But all I'm trying to offer is freedom of mind, and they're mad because they want your bag, and this is dependent on you being confused and them keeping a crumb of clarity behind a paywall. 💰
Now, some of these girlies are walking the "left hand path" a lot better than the others. I dont know many coaches beyond those talked about here, but I would say someone like MAL has a pretty firm grasp on who she is - a scam artist, a liar, and a user. She's always making up stories and whatnot - she's a pathological liar. She will do anything to get her way. This is pretty serious when you've been behaving this way for years and years. Her image is very rigid and polished, and despite showing up unprepared and offering word salad to her paying persons, her "outer circle" (social media feed etc) is much more curated than most of the other coaches I've seen. She's at the top of the pyramid so she has a huge amount of control and influence. If she cracks someday, we'll see it, and usually people struggle to return to the top once they falter. I'm sure she's already showing some signs of paranoia, which is the first sign a high control person is starting to become unhinged.
Then there are the messier girlies, like Carly, and Karen who has recently been more thoroughly exposed here. These ladies show up very vulnerable to social media, and often are struggling with illness - as someone has said here before, Carly's early coaching gigs were about health and dealing with chronic illness, until she realized that space wasn't sexy or profitable. I'm not saying this is the root of all illness, but transient illness can be a sign of a spiritual mismatch in intentions/action - especially with these people who claim to be "healers" or adjacent to that space. You have to walk your talk, or your body begins to show your hypocrisy. There is a part of these ladies who feel they are truly "helping the planet" and get confused internally when the reaction of their "offers" isn't for people to fall down at their feet worshipping them. This is why they say stuff like "wealth is a mindset!" and other magical thinking - most of them have lived privileged lives and have never been "out" of abundance. They think their "luck" is a carefully curated vibration that they can rub off on others. And like, while I believe that being in the vibrations of someone who is more spiritually mature can help "elevate" someone - these people are playing with spiritual practices and, while seeing some results, truly have no clue what they are talking about and dealing with. People who truly understand manifestation, whether left or right hand, are not busting their ass all day on Instagram trying to recruit lukewarm clients for peanuts. Carly tries SO HARD to sell that all of her work is "easy" and she can "take a walk in the middle of the day!" and not work while she's bleeding and whatnot. But girl, you're hustling and thirsty all over Insta all day every day - this is not abundance, this is not wealth and gratitude, it's giving "big empty black hole in my soul that will never be filled except with more money" energy, babe.
Then there are the girlies like xogingy and The Content Queen whose whole brand seems to be just being a mess all over the place. This sells because it makes people think "well I'm messy maybe I can be messy and rich/successful" but the mess for these girls is much more embraced and embodied than with the prim types like Carly and Karen, who want to be pure luxe and sexy and divine feminine perfection. But the luxe and sexy types are really doing the recruiting for their sexual in-person retreats (or clothing optional zooms) because they're just mega horny all the time (which - btw - is another sign of spiritual imbalance)
And that's the thing - being horny all of the time means your energy body is JACKED. It's not a sign of a free flow of creative energy to crave sex all of the time. Of course a major aspect of this is the sexual magic - yes, there is magic in sex, and I think it's where these folks get most of their magic, because they follow left hand sexual magic practice exclusively (control BDSM). They do play rapes (and borderline real rapes and, in some cases, actual real rapes on their clients/partners), orgasm denial, humiliation, pain rituals - all stuff that truly, objectively, isn't good for the soul. And notice how it's almost always one sided - the male being in total control of the female - though, Carly's substack did have a story about how they did a "role reversal" where she raped/humiliated him and that was um, something I read. 😳 But generally it's the women's job to always be turned on and "dripping wet" and whatnot, so that when her masculine partner gets a boner she's ready for him to slide it in. And then that's always the best sex, the sex that you "surrender" to.... On the contrary, sex between "right hand" practitioners tends to leave both partners feeling quite satisfied and sated - heck, even if only one happens to orgasm! Whereas control oriented sex often has orgasm denial which intentionally leaves the person craving more.
All this is to say, no one should feel guilty for being duped, or conned, or confused, even still. Almost all of these people have weaponized spiritual concepts in some ways and are wielding them with the intention to separate you from your money. They actually do have something that works. But they will NEVER sell you the whole story. And the fact is, this experience likely did happen to you because your soul was aching for some sort of uplevel - or initiation. It's just that initiation rarely looks like getting what we want. MAL et al makes it look like initiation is giving a rich lady 5 figures, popping a bottle of champagne, and roleplaying as that rich lady to which you just gave all that money (or at least, roleplaying as her social media feed). But if you're truly in it for the soul, your experience is going to help you uncover your soul. And part of uncovering our souls at this point in time seems to be having some serious spiritual trauma. And I know some people here probably only did this as "playing around" and not serious and unfortunately, playing with spirituality can be can be dangerous in and of itself. These is not to victim blame at all. It just is the nature of the spiritual path that it may growl and bite at you to test your growth. It's not just a sexy pleasure party 24/7, unless you want to step on a LOT of people to get there.
Anyway, this is very long and I'm not sure it's going to even fit into a reddit post at this point. But I just wanted to share some of the spiritual insights I've had over the years (been on my spiritual journey for over a decade at this point). I don't know it all, but I do know that I live with a general peace of mind that I wish I could sell in a coaching package or voxer group. But I can't/won't do that. So I'll keep to my lifelong duty of making longwinded, mega autistic posts on internet forums that might help a few people orient to a less painful or confused frame of mind, free of charge.
But on that note, before I finish, I'll offer my general spiritual advice: Firstly, take a short time every day to do some sort of sitting/meditation. Learning how to quiet the mind is a skill, and it's the first skill required to learn discernment. Once we can quiet the mind, we can start to learn which thoughts are our own and which thoughts we have absorbed from others - and if you haven't begun this process yet, you may be surprised to find out that the vast majority of your thoughts are actually just society, family, teachers, social media, advertising, etc etc, repeating in your mind and taking up valuable real estate. This is the real hurdle to "manifestation" - clearing away all the false desires that get in the way of our true desires. Subsequently, learning about chakras and tuning into my energy body has also given me a good base for insight and clarity that comes from within my own body.
Secondly, just try to think of others before yourself more often than not. Don't justify manipulating people for your own benefit. Oneness means you treat others how you want to be treated - in a gentle, and nurturing way. When we harm others, especially from a spiritual place, we perpetuate harm, and therefore accept that potential harmful treatment of ourselves. Treating others sincerely with reverence and respect, and setting boundaries so that we don't allow people to treat us with disrespect, is how we generate a reality that treats us with reverence and respect by default. A lot easier said than done, but it is possible.
Love and light to you all.

Texan here. I was told by my dad that we can’t/couldn’t afford a lawyer and by my d/a that if I went to trial I would absolutely be arrested. Yet I was having a seizure during the event. I was living in a motel and trying to pay my rent. Next thing I know I’m in a jail cell for five hours, still in a delirious state. It’s been months and I was under the impression that the case would be dropped given I didn’t know the child and his mother aka the people who assaulted an epileptic having a seizure (me), I was just trying to pay rent and I wasn’t in control of my actions. There are laws set up to help epileptics but I wasn’t aware of them and just signed the papers they pressured me into signing at the court office because my dad and the d/a told me to. I never got an opportunity to explain the situation to the judge and it felt like the d/a was just trying to get the situation over and done with for his own greater good. I had plans. I was supposed to move this year and now I’m stuck in Texas for being assaulted during a seizure. I don’t care what happened during it, if you willingly attack someone who’s obviously not in their right mind you are the one assaulting them. They are total strangers, I have no idea what the pair looks like because I have never seen them aside from during the seizure. I’m being punished for being disabled. Does anyone have any idea what I can do here? I do not want 40 hours of community service, anger management classes and 16 months of probation for being disabled.