This was a few years ago now. At the time I 17m and my new wife 21f got pregnant and had a kid. Sorry but this is a long story..
A bit of needed back story though… when I was 6 my parents divorced due to my dad cheating on my mom. I didn’t realize until I was older but my dad was what you would call an abusive drunk. My mom was verbally abusive and high on pills all the time. When my parents finally got divorced I remember couch surfing with my mom because we got evicted from the house since she wasn’t able to keep a job. My dad did pay child support but I have no idea what would happen to it. There were a lot of guns, drugs, violence, and death in my younger years. I turned 12 and started to understand everything and saw my dad turning his life around with his new wife so I decided to move in with him. It was a rough couple of years but it worked out in the end. That said onto the story..
That summer was a very fulling time in my life. I graduated high school, signed up for the military, and got married in 2019. I was in boot camp for the first 10 weeks of my wife’s pregnancy as it was our only income. Flash forward to us going to my first duty station. My first duty station ended up being 5 hours away from my father’s, and 3 hours away from her parents. In early 2020 our beautiful son was born. This where things started getting bad. My wife was suffering from postpartum and refused to get treatment. So instead, her treatment was going to her parents for a few weeks at a time. Besides her mom knowing my son better than I did, this worked out well. My wife and kid were happy and healthy besides a few mental breakdowns here and there. Then Covid and the Riots started happening. I was stationed on the outskirts of a large city. My base ended up restricting travel to 50 miles outside of base (this meant I wasn’t able to drive my wife and son to her parents anymore as I’d be breaking no less than 4 articles of the UCMJ if I was caught) this is where things took a turn for the worst. My wife got separation anxiety as this was the longest she’s ever been away. We started arguing a lot more often. Everytime I went to work, she would just stay in bed with our son and do nothing at all. I got very stressed but managed to juggle a 70 hour work week, feeding and taking care of my family, cleaning our apartment, and taking care of all the bills and expenses. My command decided to put me in something called ASF which basically means twice a week on top of my regular job, I’d now do gate guard duty and work with the MP’s on a 14 hour rotation. Things got so loaded on to my metaphorical plate that I developed stress related sleep apnea and couldn’t get a good nights rest on top of all of this. Months go by and nothing is getting better. I’ve recommended therapy, couples therapy, trying to go on walks, talking it out.. my wife didn’t want to do any of it. What’s worse is still wasn’t able to hold of get to know my kid very much at all. It got it he point that in August of 2020 I decided I wasn’t going to let my kid grow up how I grew up and asked for a divorce. I didn’t want him to grow up living with resentment towards his mom and dad, I hated every second of the arguing that took place in front of him, even if he didn’t understand. It broke my heart but I felt we’d do better co parenting instead of being together.
The divorce goes through and it was uncontested. My ex wife fell in love with her best friend from her hometown and was able to quickly move on and marry within a year. She got main custody and I got weekends. I started paying child support 3 months before I had to bc I wanted to make sure they were taken care of. She moved back in with her parents, however, and this caused some strain once we were divorced seeing as how I still wasn’t allowed to travel up there that often. Things got worse between me and my now ex wife dues to the travel ban and her not willing to compromise that much. From January of 2021 to July I was only able to see my kid about 5 times in total. In July my state decided to lift the travel ban and so did my base!
I started making plans and a schedule that my ex agreed to at first. Me and my ex were not very friendly to each other however. I resorted to only texting her about making plans surrounding my son. Bc of this she retaliates and won’t let me see him. It got to the point to where I was calling the cops so they could knock on her door as I stayed by my car. There is body cam footage, recorded phone calls, text messages, and screen shots of her refusing to let me see my kid. My ex then decides to file for more custody and more child support. Wishing 2 weeks I had to take leave, find and hire a lawyer with no money to my name, gather my evidence, and show up to court on a Thursday. Thankfully my loving aunt helped me pay a portion of the retainer so we could get things started with the lawyer. My wife also filed a temporary restraining order against me stating I was “violent and a danger to her and our kid” I had evidence to prove otherwise however, so I wasn’t worried. My lawyer stated this would be considered a separate case thus doubling my retainer. At this point in time I’m living on 70% of $30,000 a year, maxed out my credit cards to pay bills, and had to find an extra $10,000 for this lawyer. My wife lived in a small town so he was literally the only other option for me. This lawyer was terrible though. He told me I had to file my own affidavit, subpoena the officers linked to my case number for the body cam footage, and file all my evidence with the court due to the short notice. I didn’t have access to half the websites due to them costing money and needing an attorneys credentials so needless to say, I didn’t get the body cam footage. Court time appears and the judge grants that I’m allowed to do supervised visits every weekend until the new year. Once the new year came I would’ve been allowed to see him on the original plan for every other week unsupervised. This had me livid, but I accepted since I just wanted to see my kid. A few weeks go by and I’m finally getting to know my son. He was the only thing that kept me going in life at this point. He was and still is my main source of happiness. My lawyer calls me randomly one day stating that my wife put on the terms that my son wasn’t allowed to see my grandparents or my aunt when he was going to start staying with me every other weekend. No reasons were given. I of course denied these changes and wanted to keep the agreement how it was. Atleast then I could keep seeing him. My ex text me later that day stating “my lawyer asked me to inform you that since you refused to sign the updated agreement the restraining order is now back in place” I called my lawyer and immediately asked him to figure this out as this shouldn’t be legal. My lawyer then asked for another $5000 as it’s another case. I told him fine but he needs to actually do some work this time. He said he’d get back to me in a week with an update. A month goes by and I end up calling him asking what the situation was with my current case and he asked for the money to be paid before he looks into it. I told him that’s not what we agreed and that I’m making regular payments as you requested. My lawyer flat out says it’s not enough. I need it up front since I don’t believe you’re able to pay it. He was right I wasn’t able to pay it but I was trying my damndest to. I took 2 weeks to deliberate and talk to family and friends about my whole situation. At this point I’m now $12,000 in lawyer debt ($3,00 is what my aunt help with earlier) $15,000 in credit card debt and surviving off of $50-$100 a week for food and gas. I can’t sleep, I’ve gained 70 pounds in the span of a year. I was getting in trouble with the military for being late due to lack of sleep, being overweight, and rarely being at work since I had to go to my ex wife’s town to fight this custody battle so often. Ultimately I decided that this is turning into my parents divorce where they were putting me and my brother in the middle of all of there disagreements and fights. That’s exactly what I was trying to prevent, so I decided I couldn’t bring myself to hurt my son with all of this anymore. I’d keep a folder full of all the screen shots, text messages, photos, affidavits, etc. when he gets older, if he decides he wants to give me a chance… if he even knows about me, I’ll have it ready for him to read so he can make his own decision. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do..

This was a few years ago now. At the time I 17m and my new wife 21f got pregnant and had a kid. Sorry but this is going to be a long post.
A bit of needed back story though… when I was 6 my parents divorced due to my dad cheating on my mom. I didn’t realize until I was older but my dad was what you would call an abusive drunk. My mom was verbally abusive and high on pills all the time. When my parents finally got divorced I remember couch surfing with my mom because we got evicted from the house since she wasn’t able to keep a job. My dad did pay child support but I have no idea what would happen to it. There were a lot of guns, drugs, violence, and death in my younger years. I turned 12 and started to understand everything and saw my dad turning his life around with his new wife so I decided to move in with him. It was a rough couple of years but it worked out in the end. That said onto the story..
That summer was a very fulling time in my life. I graduated high school, signed up for the military, and got married in 2019. I was in boot camp for the first 10 weeks of my wife’s pregnancy as it was our only income. Flash forward to us going to my first duty station. My first duty station ended up being 5 hours away from my father’s, and 3 hours away from her parents. In early 2020 our beautiful son was born. This where things started getting bad. My wife was suffering from postpartum and refused to get treatment. So instead, her treatment was going to her parents for a few weeks at a time. Besides her mom knowing my son better than I did, this worked out well. My wife and kid were happy and healthy besides a few mental breakdowns here and there. Then Covid and the Riots started happening. I was stationed on the outskirts of a large city. My base ended up restricting travel to 50 miles outside of base (this meant I wasn’t able to drive my wife and son to her parents anymore as I’d be breaking no less than 4 articles of the UCMJ if I was caught) this is where things took a turn for the worst. My wife got separation anxiety as this was the longest she’s ever been away. We started arguing a lot more often. Everytime I went to work, she would just stay in bed with our son and do nothing at all. I got very stressed but managed to juggle a 70 hour work week, feeding and taking care of my family, cleaning our apartment, and taking care of all the bills and expenses. My command decided to put me in something called ASF which basically means twice a week on top of my regular job, I’d now do gate guard duty and work with the MP’s on a 14 hour rotation. Things got so loaded on to my metaphorical plate that I developed stress related sleep apnea and couldn’t get a good nights rest on top of all of this. Months go by and nothing is getting better. I’ve recommended therapy, couples therapy, trying to go on walks, talking it out.. my wife didn’t want to do any of it. What’s worse is still wasn’t able to hold of get to know my kid very much at all. It got it he point that in August of 2020 I decided I wasn’t going to let my kid grow up how I grew up and asked for a divorce. I didn’t want him to grow up living with resentment towards his mom and dad, I hated every second of the arguing that took place in front of him, even if he didn’t understand. It broke my heart but I felt we’d do better co parenting instead of being together.
The divorce goes through and it was uncontested. My ex wife fell in love with her best friend from her hometown and was able to quickly move on and marry within a year. She got main custody and I got weekends. I started paying child support 3 months before I had to bc I wanted to make sure they were taken care of. She moved back in with her parents, however, and this caused some strain once we were divorced seeing as how I still wasn’t allowed to travel up there that often. Things got worse between me and my now ex wife dues to the travel ban and her not willing to compromise that much. From January of 2021 to July I was only able to see my kid about 5 times in total. In July my state decided to lift the travel ban and so did my base!
I started making plans and a schedule that my ex agreed to at first. Me and my ex were not very friendly to each other however. I resorted to only texting her about making plans surrounding my son. Bc of this she retaliates and won’t let me see him. It got to the point to where I was calling the cops so they could knock on her door as I stayed by my car. There is body cam footage, recorded phone calls, text messages, and screen shots of her refusing to let me see my kid. My ex then decides to file for more custody and more child support. Wishing 2 weeks I had to take leave, find and hire a lawyer with no money to my name, gather my evidence, and show up to court on a Thursday. Thankfully my loving aunt helped me pay a portion of the retainer so we could get things started with the lawyer. My wife also filed a temporary restraining order against me stating I was “violent and a danger to her and our kid” I had evidence to prove otherwise however, so I wasn’t worried. My lawyer stated this would be considered a separate case thus doubling my retainer. At this point in time I’m living on 70% of $30,000 a year, maxed out my credit cards to pay bills, and had to find an extra $10,000 for this lawyer. My wife lived in a small town so he was literally the only other option for me. This lawyer was terrible though. He told me I had to file my own affidavit, subpoena the officers linked to my case number for the body cam footage, and file all my evidence with the court due to the short notice. I didn’t have access to half the websites due to them costing money and needing an attorneys credentials so needless to say, I didn’t get the body cam footage. Court time appears and the judge grants that I’m allowed to do supervised visits every weekend until the new year. Once the new year came I would’ve been allowed to see him on the original plan for every other week unsupervised. This had me livid, but I accepted since I just wanted to see my kid. A few weeks go by and I’m finally getting to know my son. He was the only thing that kept me going in life at this point. He was and still is my main source of happiness. My lawyer calls me randomly one day stating that my wife put on the terms that my son wasn’t allowed to see my grandparents or my aunt when he was going to start staying with me every other weekend. No reasons were given. I of course denied these changes and wanted to keep the agreement how it was. Atleast then I could keep seeing him. My ex text me later that day stating “my lawyer asked me to inform you that since you refused to sign the updated agreement the restraining order is now back in place” I called my lawyer and immediately asked him to figure this out as this shouldn’t be legal. My lawyer then asked for another $5000 as it’s another case. I told him fine but he needs to actually do some work this time. He said he’d get back to me in a week with an update. A month goes by and I end up calling him asking what the situation was with my current case and he asked for the money to be paid before he looks into it. I told him that’s not what we agreed and that I’m making regular payments as you requested. My lawyer flat out says it’s not enough. I need it up front since I don’t believe you’re able to pay it. He was right I wasn’t able to pay it but I was trying my damndest to. I took 2 weeks to deliberate and talk to family and friends about my whole situation. At this point I’m now $12,000 in lawyer debt ($3,00 is what my aunt help with earlier) $15,000 in credit card debt and surviving off of $50-$100 a week for food and gas. I can’t sleep, I’ve gained 70 pounds in the span of a year. I was getting in trouble with the military for being late due to lack of sleep, being overweight, and rarely being at work since I had to go to my ex wife’s town to fight this custody battle so often. Ultimately I decided that this is turning into my parents divorce where they were putting me and my brother in the middle of all of there disagreements and fights. That’s exactly what I was trying to prevent, so I decided I couldn’t bring myself to hurt my son with all of this anymore. I’d keep a folder full of all the screen shots, text messages, photos, affidavits, etc. when he gets older, if he decides he wants to give me a chance… if he even knows about me, I’ll have it ready for him to read so he can make his own decision. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do…

so, 5 months ago i was travelling in train and its around 26 hours long journey with 2 of my friends 21(m) while 1 family came seats beside us in that family having mother 3 girl child & 1 uncle , so i was listening song on earbuds so out of that 3 girls two are twins of age 12 and one is around 19(f) so while listening to song the train is conjusted and i was siting on window side one of twin came over there and she also wants to listen song i was offered her earbuds after that she listened song of around 2 hours and given the buds to her elder sister
she also listen to songs around 3 hours and in 1 seat around 4 people are seated at the start she is seating at corner of the seat so everyone is going to washroom after that she came to seat just side of me and started touching me and i was like .....:) what she see in me like im 21 old experiencing this first time and the night came i also started touching her and then we go to washroom together but it is general coach so we didnt get chance of doing lot of stuff but still that was great night for me and after some time desitination came and you know what happen then her uncle see us at some point may be when i left the train and came on station from somewhere her uncle came and said me son what your doing na that i done im young age too and try to be smart delete her number and try next time this things in train, i just got shoked after that day and until now i didnt try to call on that number ;)

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.

NEW UPDATE

Update on leaving May 26, 2024
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/EffectiveRepair8231
Originally posted to AmIOverreacting
AIO: I feel like a Dad a the daycare I work at is hitting on me (20f)
Trigger Warning: sexual assault, stalking, sexual harassment, mentions of CSA
Original Post: May 20, 2024
Hi! I work at a daycare, and I’ve noticed that one of the children's parents always makes inappropriate comments to me. At first, I thought he was just one of those people who always compliment others or that he just wanted to have a friendly relationship with his kids' educators, but now I think it’s more than that.
During my first weeks there, I was always assigned to his younger daughter’s group (the babies), so I would see him often. At first, it was brief friendly talk, but it really escalated when I started working with the older kids (4-year-olds). His other daughter, let’s call her Emmy, and I clicked right away when we found out we’re birthday twins. She always wants me to play with her and asks for hugs literally every two minutes. Whenever her dad comes to pick up his kids, she always makes sure to give me a big hug and tells her dad that we’re best friends.
Last month, Emmy’s dad and I ran into each other at the grocery store and started small talk. We were mostly talking about Emmy, and he just kept saying how much she loves me and that she wants me to come over to their house. I said something like, “Oh, she’s so cute. I love spending time with her too,” and tried to end the conversation, but he just kept talking. I noticed him looking at my chest a couple of times, which was one of the reasons I wanted to leave. He then offered me a ride, and although I initially declined, he kept pushing it, so I accepted. I didn’t let him see my house; I told him to drop me off downtown.
Since then, I keep running into him, but to the point where I don’t think it’s a coincidence. He doesn’t live in the same neighborhood as me (I live near downtown). In fact, when he dropped me off the first time, he kept going on and on about how he could never live somewhere as far away as I do. So why do I keep seeing him? In our conversations, he always makes sure to compliment my physical appearance or mention my age and how “young and smart” I am. It obviously makes me uncomfortable, but for the sake of his daughters, especially Emmy, I don’t really say anything. I have tried to set some boundaries, but it’s really uncomfortable. I jokingly said once, “Well, if I were your age, I don’t think I’d date someone as young as me,” and he was like, “Well, good thing I would,” and he laughed.
I casually mentioned this in a conversation with one of my colleagues, and she said something like, “Oh, he’s a flirt; that’s what he does.” She kept talking about how handsome he is (he is handsome but also a married dad of two). I asked if there’s anything we, as educators, could do if, hypothetically, a parent is being too friendly/flirty with us, and she basically said no.
Anyway, it’s gotten hot outside, so I’ve started wearing sundresses, shorts, and crop tops, and he always compliments my outfits when he sees me and says he likes seeing my bellybutton piercing out (EW). Also, Emmy has told me that her dad said I’ll be their nanny for the weekends when the daycare is closed. I don’t know if he actually said that because she’s 4, but I don’t even want to ask because I don’t want to give him ideas if he didn’t actually say it.
He has tried multiple times to give me his phone number to “call him if there’s anything,” and I always gently reminded him that we can communicate through the daycare app. He always says that he would rather call me directly than through the app. He was being super pushy, and I felt a little trapped, so I gave him my phone number. He texts me all the time, asking what I’m doing, etc. I have FaceTimed his daughters a couple of times, but it just feels wrong. I briefly talked about this to a friend, and she said that she would’ve told his wife. I don’t even think I have the guts to do that. Ever since my friend told me that, I started casually bringing up his wife in conversations. He would always change the subject or say she’s not here.
Anyway, all this is to ask: what should I do? Am I imagining things? I feel trapped. I can’t lose my job; I’m scared that it’ll take me forever to find another one. Also, all the kids love me, and I love them. I’ve really gotten attached to them. I love Emmy too, and I mostly feel bad for her. What would you do in this situation? I’ve asked, and you can’t ban a family from attending a daycare, so that option is out of the window. Also, we can’t be on our phones 24/7, so it’s extremely hard to get “evidence.” Anything helps. Thank you!
I don’t know i’m I’m posting this on the right subs, if not sorry about that
Edit: I’ve never seen his wife, he’s the one who does everything. Emmy has mentioned her a few times (saying things like “Mommy got me this shirt” or something) but I don’t even know what she looks like. He doesn’t talk about her unless I bring her up.
Edit 2: About the crop tops, we are allowed to wear them at work with long pants. Same thing with shorts, we can wear them with a non-cropped shirt. 90% of his comments about my piercing were outside of work, when I would run into him. Also, I blocked him. I don’t know if he noticed, but he’s blocked.
Edit 3: A lot of people are asking me why/what I am scared of. I don’t have an exact answer. I’ve had a lot of traumatizing experiences with men so I don’t feel comfortable around any man in general. I don’t have any guy friends. It’s like I think of all the things they could do to me if they wanted to, then I get scared/uncomfortable. I know I have a fawn trauma response and I am working on it, I really am. Also, I have work on Friday (or Wednesday maybe) and I will talk to my supervisors and update.
Relevant Comments
Commenter: “That wouldn’t be appropriate” seems like a good response to 90% of his requests. I would get used to being comfortable saying that to pushy male customers.

OOP: i say that sometimes and he’s like “oh well you’re best friends with emmy so we’re basically family” and i get scared so i just laugh it off or i try to end the conversations

OOP responds to multiple redditors on not accepting any more things from the father and speak with her supervisor about her concerns

OOP: i do say those things and he says that we’re like family because i’m “friends” with his daughter. i don’t always answer and he’ll sometimes bring it up when he drops off/picks up his kids and i say things oh i was busy or i didn’t see it. i keep telling myself that this time ill be direct and just say no but i just get so scared. it’s not like im full on flirting with him, i do reject him but not as firmly as i should i guess. whenever he brings up dating i say things like im not looking for a bf. and for the facetime thing, one time he was being really insistent and i said no and the text time i saw them at work, emmy asked me why i didn’t pick up the call and he said in front of her that i was being mean that day and that i didn’t wanna talk to her. she ended up crying. i tried telling my supervisor and she said that she never noticed any weird behaviour from him and he’s a very friendly man. she asked me if i had any proof which i didn’t. idk what else to do

~

i tried to talk to one of my supervisors about it but rn they’re always busy (they’re the new owners of the daycare so they’re trying to figure everything out) so it’s never a good time. i am alone with my group. i see him in the morning when he’s dropping off emmy and in the afternoon outside when he’s picking his kids up. our conversation in the morning are more brief bc all the parents are coming at the same time so there’s not much time. in the afternoon, he always tells emmy to keep playing with her friends just to buy more time and when i tell him i have to go back to watching everyone he says that there are plenty of other educators who are watching them and not to worry about it. i try to say things like hey i really have to go back to work/now’s not a right time but it’s like there’s nothing i can say to get through to him. im the one in charge of emmy i have to be the one to talk to him about emmy’s day etc

 
Update #1: May 23, 2024
Hello everyone,
I want to thank everyone who gave me advice. I tried to read every comment. Before I give you an update, I need to clarify a few things:

1. I don’t work at a school; it's a private, family-owned (i think) daycare. I have three managers—two women and one man. They became the new owners in January. I primarily interact with one of the female managers. I've tried to discuss this situation with her, but it’s never the right time. For example, I’d knock on her office door and say I needed to talk about Emmy’s dad. She’d say she’s busy and ask me to come back later. When I did, she’d apologize and ask to talk the next day. She also suggested texting, but I didn't feel comfortable telling her everything through text.
   
2. Some suggested having another teacher watch my group when he arrives, but that’s not possible. In the afternoon, after nap time, we take the kids outside until their parents pick them up. All educators need to stay outside to supervise. When parents arrive, I discuss their child's day and hand over their keychain. It’s difficult because he always approaches me when I’m distracted, so I can’t warn a coworker.
   
3. Rides: The first time I saw him outside of work was at the grocery store. He recognized me, we chatted briefly, and he offered me a ride. I declined, but he insisted, saying it was ungentlemanly to let me carry groceries alone. He paid for my groceries and drove me home, despite my discomfort. I sat in the backseat, but still. I shouldn’t have said yes. I was just so weirded out by the entire situation. The second time was at a gas station. After hanging out with a friend in his neighborhood, I stopped there for a drink. He saw me and again offered a ride. He was pushy, so I reluctantly agreed. That was the last time I accepted a ride from him.
   
4. Clothing: Most of his comments about my piercing happened outside of work. I don’t wear revealing clothes to work; I mostly wear sweats. Occasionally, I wear a long sleeve crop top with sweatpants, which my managers don’t mind. We’re allowed to wear mom shorts. But again, I most of the time I wear sweats.
   
5. Facetime: I’ve Facetimed his daughters three times, and each call lasted less than five minutes. I realize now that this was inappropriate, but yes it happened.
   
6. Texting: I don’t always respond to his texts. If he texts ten times, I might reply three times. The thing is, he often asks in person why I don’t respond, telling me he had something important to say. He’d sometimes say that in front of Emmy, then say, “You see that Emmy, she’s not nice to Daddy. She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
   
7. I live in Canada. Some suggested carrying pepper spray for protection, but it’s illegal here, so that’s not an option.
   
8. I don’t know his exact age, but I’d guess late 30s to mid-40s. I’ve never seen his wife; some suggested they might be separated. Maybe. Emmy has mentioned her mom before, but she seems closer to her dad.
   
9. The dating comment: I had ZERO idea my comment could be seen as flirting. I thought I was indirectly turning him down. When the topic of dating came up, I said I didn’t want a relationship. He joked that we’d get along great, and I responded by saying “Don’t you think you’re a little too old for me?” And he said, jokingly, “Oh, man. Dont say that. You’re very mature.” That’s when I said that I wouldn’t date someone my age if I were his age.
   

Update: I was only scheduled on Friday this week but ended up working today too. I texted my manager saying that I have something very important to tell her about a parent and that I'm afraid my safety could be compromised. She asked me to come to her office before work to talk about it.
I was very scared because reading the comments made me realize that I could lose my job because I gave him my number. But I still told her everything (looking back, I missed a few things, but I told her the most important things). I told her about how, in the beginning (when I was assigned to his 2-year-old daughter's group), he was very friendly and nice to me, but it escalated when I started caring for Emmy. I told her about the grocery incident, the gas station incident, and seeing him near my neighborhood.
She kind of "defended" him by saying that I live near downtown, so it’s not a miracle to run into someone there. I then brought up the fact that, yes, I understand that, but he’s told me that he enjoys staying in his neighborhood and that I live so far away, and he doesn’t understand how I'm able to work at a job so far away, so it was weird to see him so much. I think it made her understand more. I told her about the comments about my appearance. I asked her if it was possible to get assigned to another group, and she said yes.
I told her about me giving him my number after feeling pressured, and she said that I shouldn’t have done that, that it’s very dangerous to give out personal information like that. She also said that, especially with my job, all communication must be through the app. She said that she was a little more upset at the dad because he’s been attending that daycare for almost four years, and he knows that parents are not allowed to do that.
I then told her about how he makes Emmy play with her friends when it’s time to go just to talk to me longer. She said that since I won’t be assigned to Emmy’s group, I won’t even have to talk to him at all. She said that she’ll take care of it and let the other girls know to keep an eye on him.
I told her about the Facetimes and how he told Emmy that I was mean for not answering one time and how he made her cry. She only said that that was out of line. I asked if it was possible to “ban” him from attending, and she said maybe. She doesn’t have any solid proof (I showed her some text messages, but she said that he was being friendly in the messages and that there was nothing sexual). She said that most of this was basically hearsay, and she doesn’t have concrete proof of him being an actual predator.
As for Emmy, we played together on the playground as usual. I think the hardest part for me is to slowly distance myself from her. I did, however, encourage her to play with her friends, but she would always come back every five minutes to ask to play with me. When her dad arrived, he greeted me and asked me about Emmy’s day and her keychain. I said that I did not take care of her today and pointed to the girl that did. I then got up to get Emmy to tell her to leave. He tried to stop me, but I just kept walking. I didn’t really give him time to talk to me. When I got Emmy, I gave her a hug, then stayed on the other side of the playground, and they left. I know it’s not much, but at least I avoided an interaction with him today.
I think that’s it. I tried to answer everything.
Edit: He’s never driven me home, I would always ask to drop me off downtown. Typo sorry!
Comments
Commenter: If he texts you, tell him that you got a memo from work that says all interaction with parents must go through the app with no exceptions for legal and safety reasons and that you can't risk your job. Then block him.
Or just block him.
 
Update #2: May 24, 2024
Hi, I saw some comments asking for an update, so I wanted to share what happened because I am too ashamed to tell someone in real life. I had work from yesterday 8 AM to 5 PM, then went straight to the gym to work out with a friend. I got there around 6 PM and worked out until about 8:30 PM. I was walking home (I live about 10 minutes away from my gym) when I heard someone behind me. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have walked home, but I didn’t think about it in the moment. I had music in my ears, so I didn’t know if someone was talking to me or on the phone, so I just kept walking. I felt the person getting closer and immediately thought, “Oh my God, what if it’s him?” I started walking a little faster.
After about 2 minutes, the person tapped me on the shoulder. When I turned around, it was him. My heart dropped. I immediately froze. I had practiced what to say if I ever got into this situation, but of course I had to forget everything. He acted like we ran into each other and said, “Hey, it’s nice seeing you.” I said, “Hi, nice seeing you, but I have to go.” He complimented my hair (I recently dyed it) and said it looked good on me. I said a quick thank you and tried to leave. He then grabbed my wrist and said, “I don’t like when you act like that.” I just froze up; I couldn’t move. He asked why I don’t take care of Emmy anymore. He said that she constantly asks about me at home and that I make her cry. I stuttered and said I didn’t know, that I’m not the one who decides. I said I have to go now, sorry. He then asked if I blocked him. I said I really can’t talk right now.
He then blurted out that he saw me working out. He was doing all of this while grabbing my wrist, mind you. I didn’t know what to say, so I repeated that I had to go. He started looking at me up and down in a disgusting way. He was staring at my boobs while smiling. He then started caressing my arms. One arm stopped at my waist, and the other one kept caressing my arm. He would sometimes move it to my chest and touch me there. I don’t know why I didn’t just punch him in the face. I just could. not. move. Before you ask, I wasn’t wearing anything revealing. I had on a hoodie and sweatpants. I even removed my belly piercing because I don’t like this type of attention.
I eventually quietly said, “Can you please stop?” He looked at me, smiled, and then left. I’ve been getting sexually assaulted by men since the age of 7. I promised myself after getting sexually assaulted at 18 by a friend that I would never let it happen again. Now this. I don’t know why this keeps happening. Most of the time, I feel like my body isn’t even mine, just for someone else to use whenever they feel like it, no matter if I want it or not. Maybe it was my fault because I shouldn’t have walked home knowing I had a “stalker”. Maybe it’s my fault because I didn’t tell him to leave me alone earlier. Maybe it’s my fault because I am 20 years old and I can’t fucking say no. I know he didn’t full-on grab my tits and squeeze them, but I feel so so violated. I am too ashamed to reveal this to anyone. I told my boss I was sick to avoid going to work for a couple of days.
I went to the police station, but they said there wasn’t anything they could do legally because he didn’t commit actual crimes and that I didn’t really have any proof. I just feel like they didn’t take me seriously. They gave me tips to be more careful like don’t walk late at night, change your number, don’t have the same routine, etc., but that’s it. They won’t give me a restraining order. I’ll be honest, I didn’t understand half of the terminology they were using. But from what I understood, we’re both adults so the texting and Facetimes aren’t incriminating enough. I guess I’ll just stay home. I feel so dirty. I thought I had everything under control because I found a way to avoid him at work, but I guess I was wrong. I genuinely thought that I found a way to make everything stop.
The worst part is I saw some comments saying that this whole situation could escalate if he finds out that I’m avoiding him and I didn’t believe them. Again, I was wrong. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or sympathy, but I don’t have anyone in my life who could help. Maybe some friends, but I am just so ashamed and embarrassed to say that a man was “groping” me and I basically let it happen because I was scared. It’s just humiliating. As for my family, knowing my mom, she would most likely slut-shame me and say it’s my fault. But yeah, here’s the update I guess. I don’t know if I’ll update after this, mainly because I don’t know what else to do.
Edit: (copying and pasting this from one of my replies because I can see how it looks): i posted about him 4 days ago but i started having doubts about him stalking be like a month ago i think. i talked to my manager wednesday and i got assigned to another group. i didn’t interact with him wednesday and yesterday. HE is the one saying that his daughter is crying about not seeing me. i know it’s not true, he keeps saying stuff like this. saying things about his daughter to make me feel bad because he knows we’re close. when this incident happened, i went straight to the police station near my home to tell them what happened (bc it’s opened day and night). i asked if with what i have i can have a restraining order and they said no. i know im updating quick but i genuinely don’t have anyone i can talk to about this
Edit 2: Okay I think I’ll just quit my job stay with a friend for now. I’ll send an email explaining my situation with my boss and try to find a stay at home job. Thank you all
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT The OOP is u/RAkindoflosthere
Planning to ghost him after finding out he’s cheating on me
Originally posted to Infidelity confessions rant self
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, property damage, emotional manipulation, mentions of sexual assault
Planning to ghost him after finding out he’s cheating on me March 4, 2022
Found out my boyfriend was cheating a few weeks ago. Been spiraling since. Literally only running off of vengeance and pure disgust.
I got this weird gut feeling and checked his phone while he was asleep. Those 20 minutes locked in the bathroom felt like years, and the shame keeps me from talking to anyone about it. I moved across the country to be with him, so I’m all alone. No friends or family here.
He woke me up the next morning with kisses and breakfast and has been doing so a lot, lately. Probably the guilt.
He even bought me flowers for the first time ever. After me hinting at wanting them for years.
He thought my quiet crying was out of happiness. He even brought up buying a house for us, something with enough space for potential future children.
I’m still going through the motions. Making his breakfast and protein shake everyday, packing his lunch, making sure dinner is almost ready when he comes home from the gym.
What makes me the angriest is that I really, genuinely thought he wouldn’t do something like this. He watched his father cheat on his mother and father children out of their marriage, all while she struggled with infertility her entire life (my partner isn’t her biological son) and never had her own. She dedicated her life to the two of them and passed away of ovarian cancer shortly before we met.
Sometimes I think about whether she regretted staying with her husband or not. We have a small shrine in her honor and something makes me look at and expect guidance. I love the man she raised and hate the one her husband did. But they’re both him, and he’s a grown ass man more than capable of self control, so I decided to walk away.
Next week my car will be picked up and shipped back home, and I got first class tickets for me and my dog on his dime. He’ll come back home from work and everything I brought will be gone, along with me.
The only thing I think I might regret is not somehow being able to see his reaction when he walks through the door and realizes what’s going, lol.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Future_Ad8467

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's the hardest thing to let go. As hopeless as it can feel sometimes, it does get better. Take your time in the beginning, but I think it's therapeutic to confront him, eventually. Ghosting doesn't provide closure for you. In my experience, confronting the problem, head on, gave me a sense of closure. I try to take everything that happens as a life lesson. Good luck with everything

OOP

I personally don’t believe in closure. I got all that I needed when I realized he was untrustworthy

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Odd_One_9972

Do you have access to his phone/computer? Install a keylogger, then you can not only see what he's saying to you, but to the other APs as well. I put a keylogger on my ex's phone/computer when I caught him cheating. He was such a dumbass, and seeing the shit he was saying, the lies he was spewing, made me grateful I dropped his ass.

OOP

I do, but I don’t think it would make a difference for me. His entire “relationships” with the APs was lies.

Everything from his name, age, college degree, occupation, city, height, and dick size. He even told one he was married and his wife was pregnant with twins. I almost had a heart attack thinking I was an AP too and he had a family out there somewhere.

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Suspicious_Bear_6634

If he can go after you, you should probably leave a note or a sign that you're leaving him because of his cheating. Seeing that you up and left without a known reason (from his pov) might push him to follow you home. If he knows the reason and knows that he has no chance in hell in getting you back, it might delay a possible confrontation.

OOP

you’re right. I’ve been considering just leaving a sticky note with a list of all the different girls names and the apartment key beside it. Simple and effective

Suspicious_Bear_6634

Fuck, multiple girls?? Draw a little middle finger beside them while you're at it. And make sure there are little to no supplies (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) left and leave the house dirty so that he can appreciate how much you did for the asshole.

OOP

7 of them to be precise. I’ll have to rush and get out within a certain time frame but I might just settle for shrimp in the curtain rods. He’s really sensitive to smells lol

I lied to my boyfriend everyday and saved the money he gave me March 4, 2022
Almost every day my boyfriend sends me money for lunch, gas, something. I thought he was just really kind. Turns out he was cheating and giving me $$ made him feel less guilty, as though he didn’t beg me to move across the country with him where I know no one.
Once I found out I wanted to immediately confront him but was scared of the outcome since the apartment was only in his name and again, I know no one here.
Now I just save every dime of what he sends to be able to pay for the $3000 moving fees to go back home without hurting my own pocket too much.
Breaking my heart, destroying my ability to trust & scaring me off from men I can handle, but messing with my finances? Nah. never.
The transport company is coming next wednesday to take my car, and my plane tickets for me and my dog have been bought. Gonna keep up my happy act and do the usual cooking of dinner and scrubbing his back and poof on Wednesday like I never knew him. Its the only form of revenge I could do that wouldnt haunt me. Good riddance!

Edit: A few asked for details. There’s 7+ other women, everything he told them was a lie. Name, age, height, city, occupation. All of it.
The only common denominator was that he bought us all the exact same lingerie set for his birthday in January. 🙃 And specifically requested I hang it up in our closet where it’s viewable. Forgiveness is not on the table. He’ll be surprised, but I doubt he’ll be hurt.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
purejones

I look forward to it, how did you find out if it’s not too personal?

OOP

Woke up randomly in the middle of the night and “he’s up to no good” was all I could think about. I sleep like a literal baby and never, ever wake up like that. Took his phone and locked myself in the bathroom while he was asleep and found it all.

Friendship break ups are so much worse than relationship breakups March 5, 2022
I’ll be single again pretty soon and I’m looking forward to it but also not. Like yay! I finally can cook when/how I want to and don’t have to split chores and can do everything on my own my way.
But thats the only good part.
I’ve been on my own since I was 16 and I’ve turned out (mostly) fine, I have a paid off house and car, cute dog, debt free, and I’m finishing up my masters degree at 25. It could be worse.
But I’m lonely. I’m not on speaking terms with my family and had a huge fall out with my lifelong friends a couple years ago. I haven’t tried making friends since bc part of me hopes one day I can find a way to fix that friendship.
Plus I’m moving around so much that making friends is pointless. I’m not good at long distance anything.
I never prided myself on romantic relationships- sure, they’re cool, but a loving group of women was always where I found the most peace and understanding and that’s what I want the most.
I guess I’m just going through things right now and I really wish I had people I trust to talk to. Friend breakups hurt the most.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP when asked how she had a house at a young age
OOP

Neither. I lived with my friends and their parents until college started. Already had a scholarship. Just worked 3 jobs until I was 22 and lived frugally.

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Dufusbroth

The maths for time and money aren’t working out on this end but there is also a lot of variable/info that is missing.
It took my 7 years to payoff my house and I was contributing to it like it was an emergency. Qualifying for a home and paying it off in that amount of time without help seems nearly impossible. I’m so curious about the formula here! I need a lesson in finance from OP. When I broke it down on it just doesn’t seem possible except from a financial windfall counting even a frugal cost of living along with an accounting for taxes paid, etc… and that did not include the cost for transportation, medical, groceries, blah blah blah

OOP

The house was a 70k foreclosure and is 4bed/4bath. I was a golf caddy, gentlemen’s club bartender and occasional hostess, and notary signing agent. Along with selling stationary items on etsy. Also my scholarships paid for quite a bit of my home in general- they never specified what kind of housing for them, just housing. I lived in 1 room and rented out the other 3.

Dufusbroth

That’s the info I was looking for- thanks you! That is very smart. Good going! Good luck with your situation- so interested how he reacts to your departure

My current relationship has made me realize the thin line between love and hate. March 9, 2022
I found out my boyfriend of almost 4 years was cheating. We’ve lived together for 2 years and I’m leaving him tomorrow. He just doesn’t know yet. And won’t until after I’m gone.
As mad as I am, as betrayed as I feel, I still love him. All I really want is to wake up tomorrow and this all be a nightmare. I don’t enjoy this slice of reality.. that the person I loved the most has looked me in my eye and lied to me for who knows how long.
and every time I do it I’m left wondering how many times he did it. How many times did he wine, dine, and fuck other women and come home to me? How many times have I been the stupid girlfriend who trusted her boyfriend blindly? How many times have I been some woman’s laughing stock? Did he fuck us back to back? Did his friends know? Did they look me in my fucking eye and really not say anything? Did he love them? How many times did he tell me he loved me and meant it? When did he stop meaning it? Did he ever even mean it the first time?
I’m not a master manipulator. Unlike him. I’m just composed because I’ve never had any other choice. Emotions got you beat or worse when it came to my parents and I’m more than aware I have a shitload of trauma to unpack but I can’t.
Not in the self pity, woe is me, its too hard, but no. I probably just can’t. Therapists here are wildly westernized and once I start with the short list they’ll probably just charge me double. Maybe triple. And the last time I tried he kept trying to convince me I enjoyed my own assault.
Maybe I got cheated on because I’m emotionally inept. My intimacy levels are quite limited. The few times he asked about my childhood I either a) brushed him off or b) told him one thing I thought wasn’t that bad and he was so shocked I held out on the actually bad parts.
And that’s where the hate comes in. He knows what it’s like to grow up feeling unwanted. He knows what it’s like to lose your parents young. He knows what it’s like to feel like your entire life has been horrible event after horrible event.
But he still did this to me and I don’t get how he could. I could never cheat on anyone, let alone someone who’s shared such personal things with me.
I haven’t so much as made eye contact with another man since we met… other people were just other people and we were us.
I don’t know. I just don’t see being able to date again. I had deep seeded trust issues long before this and growing old by myself with 30 cats genuinely sounds nice. Hell, great even. At least I won’t always be wondering when the betrayal will come.

(Update) Leaving partner of 4 yrs after finding out he was cheating March 10, 2022
Transport company came and picked up my car. Sold whatever big furniture I brought for low prices. Took his dog to the park and played with him a bit, got him a dog cupcake and took him back to the apartment.
Movers started coming for the rest of my stuff and I hadn’t prepared for our property manager thinking we were both moving out and we hadn’t given them the required vacancy notice. She came to talk to me right as my uber was coming and I told her what was going.
Unfortunately they had already called him bc only his name on the lease. He’s called and texted me a few times but I haven’t replied. His work day won’t be over for a couple of more hours.
I left my apartment keys, and anything he’s ever bought for me that I hadn’t sold already. Didn’t feel like taking that stuff with me. While packing I remembered we bought a pet camera that shoots treats on the entertainment center and turned it back on. I promised myself I’ll disconnect from it by midnight tomorrow but I have my own predictions about how he’ll react and I just gotta know for sure. Yeah, it’s fucked up. Sue me lol
I actually forgot to leave a note and was running out of time before my uber came and just left the lingerie set he was so obsessed with on the bed. He’ll figure it out eventually. Or not.
I’m at the airport now with my dog and just waiting on my flight. I wish I could say that I feel free but I don’t. Just tired.
Thank you all for the well wishes and thank you more to all of the other women who reached out with similar stories. I think I might’ve caved and stayed if you all hadn’t.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Suspicious_Bear_6634

What did he say on the text when they informed him that things were being moved out?

*OOP

Just that he got a call from property management and asked if I ordered something big and if anything was going on.

Pet Cam Update March 14, 2022
Update: I turned it on for about ten minutes after I got back to my home and unpacked. He wasn’t there, but everything was a mess. There was a hole in the wall, furniture flipped over, papers everywhere, the kitchen looked like a tornado went through it.
I deleted all of my other social media accounts but didn’t block his number. The first two days he called me over 200 times. Lots of novel ass text messages and him admitting to some shit I didn’t even know about yet. Quite a few calls from his dad and friends too.
I didn’t reply to any of them
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I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
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Bolded items are just the ones I would like to consider keeping so don't feel as though you need to offer more for the game
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Wishlist Items
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ADOM (ANCIENT DOMAINS OF MYSTERY)
Bridge Constructor Portal
Chivalry 2 - Epic Edition
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Elite Dangerous
Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
Ghostrunner
Honey I Joined a Cult
Lost Ruins
Mass Effect Legendary Edition (temporarily unavailable)
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OUTWARD + THE SOROBOREANS AND OUTWARD SOUNDTRACK
PATHFINDER: WRATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS
Rebel Inc: Escalation
REMNANT: FROM THE ASHES - COMPLETE EDITION
SCP:Secret Files
SHOTGUN KING: THE FINAL CHECKMATE
Songs of Conquest
Spyro™ Reignited Trilogy
Surviving Mars
THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales
VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 4 COMPLETE EDITION
Yakuza 4 Remastered
20XX
7 Grand Steps

observer (x3)

A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
A Juggler's Tale
A Mortician's Tale
A New Beginning - Final Cut
Aaero
Aces and Adventures
AER Memories of Old (x2)
Age of Wonders III
Ageless
Agents of Mayhem
AI War: Fleet Command
Alien Spidy
Aliens:Fireteam Elite
Alina of the Arena
All You Can Eat
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Army Men RTS
Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation (x2)
Assassin's Creed® Origins
Assault Android Cactus
Atom RPG Trudograd
Atomicrops
AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
Backbone
Bad End Theater
Banner Saga Trilogy - Deluxe Pack
Banners of Ruin
Bastion (x2)
Batman Arkham Origins (x2)
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Beat Hazard Ultra
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Before Your Eyes
BEHIND THE FRAME: THE FINEST SCENERY
Beholder
BENDY AND THE DARK REVIVAL
Beneath Oresa
Between the Stars
Beyond a Steel Sky
Binary Domain
Bioshock Remastered
BioShock: The Collection
Biped
Black Book
Blade Assault
Blasphemous
Blazing Beaks
Bleed 2
Bloodstained®︎: Ritual of the Night
Bone - Episode 1 & Episode 2
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Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
Boreal Blade
Boyfriend Dungeon
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Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Brutal Legend
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Bury Me, My Love
Celeste
Chasm
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CHUCHEL Cherry Edition (x2)
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Coffee Talk
COMMAND & CONQUER REMASTERED COLLECTION
Company of Heroes 2 + Company of Heroes 2 - Whale and Dolphin Conservation Charity Pattern Pack
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CONTROL STANDARD EDITION (Steam or Epic Games)
COOK, SERVE, DELICIOUS! 3
Coromon
Crowntakers
Crusader Kings Complete
Cultist Simulator (x2)
Curious Expedition
CURSE OF THE DEAD GODS
Cyber Hook
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Dead In Bermuda
Deadly Days
Death Squared (x2)
Deathloop
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Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Disciples: Liberation
Distance
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Drawful 2
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Dusty Revenge: Co-Op Edition
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EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 4.1: Blood Storm + DLC
EarthNight
Eastside Hockey Manager
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elex
Ellipsis
Embr
Emily is Away <3
ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
Endless Space® - Collection (x2)
Epic Chef
Eternal Threads
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evan's Remains
Evergarden
EVERSPACE™
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
Fallout 1
Family Man
Farmer's Dynasty
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Fights in Tight Spaces
Figment
Finding Paradise
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
Fort Triumph
Founders' Fortune
Framed Collection
Framed Collection (x2)
Freddi Fish 2: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse
Freddi Fish 3: The Case of the Stolen Conch Shell
Freddi Fish 4: The Case of the Hogfish Rustlers of Briny Gulch
Freddi Fish 5: The Case of the Creature of Coral Cove
Freddi Fish and Luther's Maze Madness
Freddi Fish and Luther's Water Worries
Freedom Force
Freedom Force vs. The Third Reich
Friends Vs Friends
FTL
Full Metal Furies
Full Throttle Remastered (x2)
Fury Unleashed
Gas Station Simulator
Genesis Noir
Get In The Car, Loser!
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy
God's Trigger
Golf Gang
Gonner
GRAV (Early Access)
Greedfall
GRID 2
Grime
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Growing Up
Guns of Icarus Online
Hacknet (x2) + Hacknet Labyrinths DLC (x1)
Haiku, the Robot
Hammerting
Hard Reset Redux
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heaven's Vault
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YOU DON'T KNOW JACK MOVIES

The Injustice Initiative and Megaverse Council did not grieve with their former leader for too long, due to the combined forces of Venessa and Velocity making swift progress in uniting dozens of Omniverses under their heroic banner. Velocity used her direct and demanding demeanor to influence the defenders of each Omniverse to join the Council and was brutally honest in her meetings with the current situation. She stressed that if they refuse to join then they will face extinction and the Council will not help them when they are attacked due to them only having priorities for attacking the demons head on. Venessa on the other hand focused her attention in strengthening the Injustice Initiative with rigorous training and firing incompetent people in leadership positions and swiftly replacing them with those that were far more competent and understood the severity of the situation. In the span of 16 days, the combined efforts of these two feminine leaders made great leaps in progress that equaled or surpassed Diamond's own work in the past three months.
While these two were on a mission together, The Researcher contacted them regarding a very important matter. When the two heroines arrived at the Council's headquarters The Researcher revealed to them two enormous discoveries. "We finally found them. The place where our foes call home, Omniverse 6,666,666. We do not know much of this Omniverse other than the Diamond from Omniverse 8 being aware of its potential and became paranoid of its existence leading him nearly wiping all traces of it from the Council's database. I happen to uncover the last fragments of his report that failed to be deleted. Furthermore, the Core of that Omniverse is deeply fractured, completely drained of all power. We can deduce with sound reasoning that the landscape of that Omniverse is something out of an apocalypse with everything that could have gone wrong, definitely went wrong. In addition, it is a very wide and vast Omniverse similar to the Main Omniverse. In fact, before its current miserable state, it was a near copy of the Main Omniverse. We are trying to scout and analyze the area as best as we can, but it is blocking all of our scanners. Our supernatural sensors can barely last four seconds before frying when they sense the amount of dark negative energy that shrouds that Omniverse." Velocity, "And the other news?" "We also found a very promising Omniverse that was elusive to our map, but just appeared and is surging with radiant energy from the Light." Venessa abruptly, "Light? Like The Light......... not just colorful lights?" "Correct. Would you care to guess what this Omniverse's number is?" "I would assume it would be the polar opposite of the other, so Omniverse 7,777,777?" "Bingo. Apparently, they have a hierarchy over there and their King requests your presence. His words not mine were King Alexander humbly requests the presence of Empress Venessa of the Main Omniverse and any companions she wishes to bring for a formal meeting in regards to the future protection of the Megaverse."
"Alright, message King Alexander and tell him I will adhere to his request. She accessed her communication com and ordered Tray and Cross to join her on the mission. She then turned to Velocity. I would have you join me on this mission, but I do not want to delay the progress you are making in convincing more Omniverses to join our cause." A short time passed as the three members arrived for their briefing with Venessa. After their meeting, they used their watches and traveled to Omniverse 7,777,777. Their eyes were blinded by the bright rays of the sun, before they could tell where they were at. At last, their eyes adjusted to their environment, which resulted in them being astonished at the shining city that was before them. They observed trains similar to bullet trains zipping back and forth through wind tubes and the residents there in very intricate clothing. The residents either had high collar jackets, dazzling shirts, and most importantly, Venessa could sense all of them having unusual levels of the Light inside of them. A loud voice could be heard behind them. "Are these the people who the King wishes to speak with?" The group turns around and sees two men standing a few feet behind them. One appears six foot and a few inches, he did not wear a shirt but was surrounded with gold and red armor, a long red cape, black pants, and long flowing blonde hair. The other was a little shorter around five feet and possibly 11 inches with black and purple hair, a black and purple cape, purple pants, and purple armor in the exact areas as the first man. The second one responded to his companion in a soft-spoken manner,"Yes, these are the three we were assigned to escort back to the castle." Venessa, "Hey, are you two like siblings or something? You two kind of look alike." The purple one, "That assumption is correct. I am Lucrest and this is my older obnoxious brother Leoped." Leoped, "We are two in a handful of select individuals, who serve the King by carrying out special assignments and investigations." Lucrest, "If you will please follow us, the King is eager to greet you."
The three heroes followed the two guards to the castle, during their walk Venessa teased her sibling, Tray. "It appears those two brothers have larger swords than you. I think they are far superior swordsmen if they can handle large blades like that. It fails to even compare your toothpick of a sword." "Shush! I don't want to hear it. I choose elegance and gracefulness over something flashy." The group finally reached the castle as several guards in colorful shining full body armor saluted the group as they stepped inside the large white crystal doors of the castle. Leoped and Lucrest led the trio right towards the throne room; no sooner than when the doors opened, King Alexander leaped from his throne and welcomed his guests. The King's outfit was composed of expensive black cloth with silver and blue crystals creating his unique armor with gold outlining around the edges and his crown. His hair was white as snow with a cape flowing from his waist with two metallic angelic wings attached to his back. He appeared as someone who was no older than their early 20's, much less muscular than Leoped, while possessing a staggering height of 6,7. "Greetings Empress Venessa, first adopted child of Diamond! A pleasure to finally meet you. Greetings to you Tray, second adopted child of Diamond! And a very warm welcome to Cross, the last member and headmaster of the Royal Guard!" Cross' attitude changed from being standoffish to one of utter shock. No one has addressed him as headmaster since the days of the Clone War. Tray whispered to Venessa, "Headmaster of the Royal Guard? I never knew that about Cross." "Yes, many years in Cross' realm he was headmaster of the Royal Guard, an elite group of warriors who protected his realm from malevolent threats under the orders of a man named the Keeper. This was brought to an end when.........Alastor manipulated him to massacre all of his fellow friends and the Keeper towards the end of the Clone War, mere days before order Kingdom Come was initiated."
King Alexander, "Empress Venessa please accept these gifts as a sign of good will. He signaled for four servants to step forward with bundles of technology and scrolls. The Alphaverse is more than ready to work closely alongside the Megaverse Council to defeat the fallen angels and corrupted souls of the Demonic Council! Please follow me to our war chambers." King Alexander led the heroes down several steps to a room that was protected by several guards. They were granted access and upon entering, the heroes were stunned to see holographic displays of plans and projects that were scattered as two male figures were debating with a female. The figures turned to the doors and quickly turned off the scattered plans and pulled up a file that said, "Propositions and explanation for the Megaverse Council." One unique hologram Venessa saw before it disappeared was a hologram of the Matrix of Eternity with a subject line under it labeled "Restore the Matrix to its former power?" As Venessa was deep in thought, King Alexander spoke to his guests who the other three figures were, "The lanky one with grey hair and a gas mask is our lead chemist, Lorenzo. The other one with him with the crimson operator hat, black and red hair, and basically black and red from his natural wings to his armor adored with many medals is our head of homeland security, Viciate. Last but not least is our lead scientist of technology, and weapons, whose brilliance I cannot put into words, Malissia." Malissia had medium length jet black hair that only left her left eye visible, yet it appeared she had unique facial marks that were long black lines leading up to her eyelids. She wore a long black coat that went just above her ankles with boots in the shape of heels. Nearly everything she wore was black except her shirt which was white with print that resembles computer chips. Malissia, "I prefer to go by M." Tray in a playful manner, "A little gothic in your appearance compared to everyone we've seen today!" "Simply a matter of taste and perception." Tray then noticed Malissia had white irises as the rest of her eyes were black, which created a sense of mystery behind them.
Lorenzo, "The disgraced Royal Guard is here......." King Alexander disappointingly, "Lorenzo......we talked about this." Venessa, "Hey what was that project regarding the Matrix of Eternity about? How would any of you be able to reload it?" King Alexander, "We have the source that originally fueled the Matrix. We were the ones who originally created it." Cross and Tray were shocked to hear such a revelation. Was the king bluffing or legitimately telling the truth? Malissia, "The reason you saw so many other projects scattered was due to these two knuckleheads trying to push these loose ideas my way, knowing full well we had a meeting today." Viciate, "Then Lorenzo and I should be going." Viciate and Lorenzo leave the room as King Alexander and Malissia start speaking with Venessa, Tray, and Cross. Lorenzo and Viciate journeyed far from the castle's boundaries and into the outskirts of the gorgeous city into a dark alleyway where a female was waiting for them. "Have you two finally reached a decision?" Lorenzo, "Yes, we have, Paradox." Paradox in a feminine form smiled while twirling their hair, with a snap of their fingers a contract appeared before Lorenzo and Viciate. "Both of you sign there. Viciate tried to sign with a pen, but Paradox stopped him. Nuh uh uh, in blood!" Viciate pulled a dagger and cut a piece of flesh off him and Lorenzo as they signed the contract that bonded them to Black Hat. See that wasn't so hard. Now I sense you have something to tell me?" Viciate, "The Empress, playboy, and ex-harbinger of darkness are here. They learned of the plans to restore the Matrix of Eternity." A sadistic smile appeared on Paradox's face, "Wonderful! Wonderful! Things could not be better! With your help we can kill those three now and you two will rule this Omniverse as the new kings only in service to Black Hat and the Council. Let them retrieve the remains of the Matrix, and we can either strike before or after they restore the Matrix, then steal it and place it within the treasury with the other dangerous objects that could pose a threat to our reign. Run along now and continue to play your parts like good little errand boys." Paradox gave them a wink. Lorenzo, "Freak! When it comes to your services, we work with you, not for you!" The two then leave as Paradox continues to smile in the shadows.
Back in the war chamber. Venessa, "Impressive. All that you are proposing will greatly benefit us. I can see your offers are sincere, but I must ask, why it took you this long to reveal yourselves?" King Alexander, "That is........simply because of an old law......that had been in effect for thousands of years. I wanted to honor my father and his father, but eventually my consciousness allowed me to overturn that old silly law." Loud footsteps could be running through the halls as a young teenage girl open the doors to the room with pieces of paper in her arms. She began to speak clearly out of breath, "I'm here sister. The documents you wanted." Mallisa, "A few minutes late like usual, Joan." "It's not my fault, military class went on longer than normal! Gosh, how many times do I have to tell you I hate it that mom and dad forced me to become a soldier!" "Everyone, this is my younger sister, Joan. Joan this is Empress Venessa and her two colleagues, Tray and Cross." Everyone exchanged friendly greetings except for Tray who stared at Joan. There was something about Joan that captivated him, it was either the childish way she speaks or the fact she had navy hair like he did. Instead of a handshake, he wrapped both his hands around hers and knelt down, "My fair lady, it is with great honor to meet you. I pray that you will accept my greeting as one of humbleness and may good health and prosperity follow you all the days of your life, my dearest madam." Everyone in the room stared dumbfounded at Tray's speech. Cross, "Where the crap did that come from Shakespeare?" Joan stood there blushing as she stuttered while addressing Tray, "Th....thank y...yo.....you." King Alexander, "Well this meeting is nearing its end, so why don't Tray and Joan spend some time with each other while the rest of us handle the closing logistics?" Mallisa, "WHAT THE?" "Alright it's settled then. Tray and Joan, you two are dismissed."
Joan and Tray stared at each other before she offered Tray some lunch, which he readily agreed to. Alexander turned back to Venessa, "Venessa, if you don't mind, I will like you and your party to stay here the next four days. The first two can be used to handle business regarding our technology and battle tactics as I introduce you to our greatest soldiers, warriors, and fighters. The last two days can be a sort of mini vacation." "Well..........I don't think such an offer will hurt. You have yourself a deal King Alexander!" At lunch Tray and Joan were deep in conversation. Tray, "You look much different than your sister. Your eyes are normal, you are much more cheerful, and just overall livelier." "My sister takes all the stress and responsibilities of the family upon her. That and her role in the kingdom just adds more stress to her. As for her eyes and facial markings, those came when she felt called to the Spring of Restoration." "What now?" "The Spring of Restoration grants those worthy unique properties or powers. Only a select few experience a change from the spring. It is not heavily protected because the spring prevents anyone unworthy from stepping foot in its waters." "Radical." "Mhm!" "So, I heard you fighting with your sister about you hating being trained as a soldier. Why is that?" "It freaking sucks! My parents do not want me to be an astronomer or engineer! They want me to become a Celestial Crusader. On top of that, I don't even get to choose what I want to do or what I want to eat a majority of the time! Eating lunch with you right now is a rare occurrence." "Have you brought your problems to the king?" "Yes, but I don't know if he is hearing my pleas or not. If he's not, I don't blame him, he has a lot on his mind and considering my parents are very influential in terms of politics, if the king makes a brash move, my parents will give him political turmoil." Tray abruptly received a message from Venessa stating their four day stay. He was excited and already made up his mind that he will spend these four days showing Joan the freedom she is missing out on.
The next two days, King Alexander did everything he said he would to Venessa and Cross. Among the strongest warriors and fighters were Ezekiel with his four angelic wings and star saber, Phonix with his ability to control time and fire, Ian with the ability to create things out of metal at will and his large sword in the shape of a key, Vivi with her ability of harnessing animal souls and acquiring their powers and abilities to her disposal, and with several other notable fighters. Yet, the group was slowly stalked by Lorenzo who reported all of their movements to Paradox. The next two days arrived where Venessa and Cross briefly parted ways in order to find some way to relax before returning to base. On the fourth day, Venessa contacted her adoptive mother, Selena, for a special request. She wanted Selena to travel to the Alphaverse with the Matrix of Eternity in order to restore it with wisdom capable of changing the tide of the war. As for Joan and Tray, the two traveled all across the kingdom from going to the beach, kayaking, visiting the aquarium, and art museum. Tray taught Joan how to properly duel and was deeply proud when she complimented him on his elegant sword. Unknown to them Viciate was also reporting their activities to Paradox. On one of their stops, Joan brought Tray to the Spring of Restoration just for them to sight see. Yet, she was startled when Tray stopped responding to her. His eyes were affixed at the spring as he slowly started to step towards it. Joan tried to stop him, but her petite body could not stop him.
Suddenly, he stopped on the edge of the spring and bent down scooping up the water as he started to drink it from his hands. Joan was confused at Tray's behavior, "Are you......alright?" Before Tray could turn around, he collapsed on the ground. "TRAY!" She ran to him, but when she arrived, his eyes opened wildly as his body started to glow with an unearthly light. Tray's body started to transform with his pupils becoming white similar to Mallisa but instead of the other part of his eye becoming black, it became a bright cyan color. His navy hair became white with a few streaks of cyan along with his olive skin changing to being white as quartz. His outfit even started to change around him with his clothes glowing with a clear like cyan substance with a hood gently resting on his hair. Gold embroidered his collar as a unique glowing cyan halo appearing over his head. "Joan.....please tell me I'm not dead." "I uhhhh you mmmmmmm I guess not? Here let me show you what you look like." Joan opened her camera and took a photo of him in order for Tray to see the photo. "Oh my gosh I became even more handsome." "Seriously, that's what you think about after looking like you just died on me!" "Hey, I'm sorry for zoning out on you like that. I just heard a soothing voice calling me from the Spring and I could not help but follow it." "The voice was more than soothing than mine?!" "Well yes...CRAP NO NOT LIKE THAT I SWEAR!" Joan started punching Tray as he let out a hearty laugh. From the shadows Viciate contacted Paradox on what happened and for Paradox to arrive swiftly to exterminate the couple.
The two continued on their walk after having their emotions die down. Yet, there was a sort of tension in the air between the two as one waited for the other to speak first. At last, Tray was the one to break the tension as he stopped Joan and decided to finally reveal to her the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind the past few days. "Joan, I don't know how to say this but, whenever I am around you, I just feel warm inside and what I could only describe as butterflies, erupt in my stomach." Joan blushed deeply before responding, "Oh Tray!" "Joan, if you do not want to enlist in the Celestial Crusaders, you don't have to. I'm offering you a choice. I see how much you care for your older sister and your eagerness for freedom. I encourage you to follow your heart and join me. I promise with every fiber in my being that my family and I will protect you and support you with whatever decision you make." Joan with tears in her eyes. "Oh Tray! Thank you! I want to briefly stay here so I can help my sister with any last assignments and join you on exploring the Megaverse and you taking me back to the Omniverse you call home! Thank you, thank you for being such a wonderful person to me these past four days. Truthfully, I can say I feel the same when I am around you. Your outgoing free-spirited nature is very cute and contagious." Tray extends his hand towards Joan, "Then what are we waiting for? Take my hand and I will show you all the wonderful places in my Omniverse! Obviously after you are done helping your sister of course." He gave her a big comforting smile as he waited for her to wipe the tears of gratitude off her face. However, just before she could place her hand in his, a gunshot went off as a singular bullet went through the right side of Joan's head and exited out of the left. Tray opened his eyes and was horrified at the pool of blood emerging from Joan's body as she lay lifeless on the ground. He was shaken as he heard a sickening laugh. He hastily turned his head to the direction of the laughter.
Tray's eyes widened in confusion as he saw Gadget Bandito emerge from the shadows. "What.....what are you doing here? How did you get here? Why have you done this after being a loyal member of the Initiative for many years?!" "Doesn't matter. Any last words kid?" Tray thought inwardly, "Wait......no......there is no way he is the real Gadget Bandito. The real one does not even know a lot of the Megaverse, much less keep up with any news from the Initiative." He finally spoke out loud. "My powers and senses are telling me you are Gadget Bandito. But my heart, mind, and soul tell me otherwise! WHO ARE YOU?" Paradox finally revealed himself to Tray as he morphed into his mechanical appearance. Tray finally spoke after being at a loss for words, "I know you. I know who you are. No, you are not even a person anymore. You have turned yourself into something unrecognizable. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE! YOU ARE THE CREATURE WHO MURDERED MY FATHER'S PARENTS ON THE NIGHT OF HOLY THURSDAY!" Paradox had a twisted malicious grin on his mechanical face as he spoke, "Aren't you a smart one." Tray began to channel his new powers granted to him from the Spring of Restoration. "I WILL NOT ONLY AVENGE THE DEATH OF DIAMOND'S PARENTS! BUT FOR JOAN WHO YOU SHOT IN COLD BLOOD! DIE YOU BODY MORPHING BASTARD!"
Filled with pure rage, Tray could not control his powers as Paradox merely toyed with him before using Tray's disorientation to his advantage. Paradox was able to overpower the young hero, but briefly underestimated his new power buff when Tray's halo pierced itself into Paradox's chest. This comeback was shortly lived due to the intervention of Viciate who incapacitated Tray and tied him up. Elsewhere, Venessa felt a disturbance in her gut and thus gathered Cross and met with King Alexander to ask where Tray and Joan were at. The King did not know of their location much to the dismay of Venessa, but suddenly in the throne room a thick green mist entered the room which knocked the guards and the heroes unconscious. Lorenzo did his best to pick up the bodies of the heroes and tie them up, "Now we just wait for the Queen of Asteria to arrive and snatch the Matrix from her by ransoming these hostages."
Meanwhile Selena took care of Diamond and would not allow him out of her sight. If he had to leave her house, she would go with him wherever he went, due to the public opinion on him fiercely divided. There were some who believed the attacks were caused by him while others knew that he would never do such a thing and it had to be an imposter. She would fiercely criticize any bystander who booed or tried to assault Diamond. Diamond on the other hand did not like how Selena was being overprotective of him, and her reasoning was that his mental state was not in a good place. Truthfully, it felt like he was on house arrest. One day the two of them took a nap on Selena's couch, when Selena was notified to embark on the mission to Omniverse 7,777,777. She did not have Diamond know what mission it was, but said it was important. "Don't do anything stupid or silly while I'm gone. And do not go on any adventures either! If I find out you left the town, you won't hear the end of it!" "Alright sheesh I got it."
Selena traveled to Sanctuary and entered one of the passwords a few of the elite members possessed in order to gain access to the broken remains of the Matrix of Eternity. She grabbed the pieces and created a portal to the Alphaverse. Once Selena teleported off to her mission, Diamond took advantage of this opportunity and decided to venture into town. He grabbed his Bluetooth earbuds and walked outside to his favorite coffee shop. While walking, he played Have You Ever Seen The Rain, by Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of his father's favorite bands. He could not resist but sing along with the lyrics, "When it's over so they say it'll rain a sunny day, I know, shining down like water. I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day." During his stroll a handful of protestors spotted him and began to yell, "Murderer! Thief! Crook! Liar!" One such protestor threw a pot of hot water at him, which nearly resulted in Diamond retaliated, but he bore these wrongs patiently and continued on his way. He turned a corner into an alleyway and started to dance and jump in the puddles. On the other side were a set of stairs where he slowly danced his way down each step to the closing parts of the song still singing with raw emotion. "Yeaaaaahhhhhhhh I wanna know have you seen the rain? I wanna know have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day."
He turned off his music when he entered the doors of the small shop and waited patiently in line. After he finished placing his order and pulled out his wallet to pay, the cashier whispered to him, "It's on the house. You are still a hero to us who work here." "Are you sure ma'am?" "Yes. It'll be out shortly." He took a seat near a window and started reading the local newspaper in silence. Just then a little boy who was with his parents came to his side and started to speak with him. "Excuse me sir, but are you, Diamond?" Diamond chuckled to himself, "Well there is no use in hiding my identity. Yes, I am." "Can you tell me what it was like during the year I was born?" "Uh, odd request but yeah I can tell you, first I have to ask how old are you?" "I just turned four!" "Well happy birthday! Let's see four years ago was 2016.....wait no it was 2020. Gosh was 2020 four years ago? Man, all these adventures all start flowing together kid. So, around this time an old enemy of mine named......" Diamond abruptly stopped speaking as he felt a disturbance. "Named who, sir?" Diamond stood up and slowly walked to the doors as a giant explosion went off in the center of town. Everyone started screaming, running in all directions from the blast, as Diamond signaled his AI using his nanotech vision glasses. "HONEY what are we looking at? HONEY? Crap I never turned you back on." Diamond hastily had his nanotech grow on his left arm as he turned on the setting to activate HONEY. "I'm back! Are you ok boss, did you do anything brash when I was gone?" "We can catch up later HONEY, right now I need you to prevent traffic from entering this street and alert the local authorities." "Yes sir!"
While all of this was happening on Earth, Selena's portal finally brought her to the Alphaverse. She begins to mutter to herself, "Alright Venessa I'm here. Hopefully we can get this done quickly, because I don't trust Diamond being by himself." Selena was cautious of her surroundings, due to being greeted with an eerie vacant throne room. She suddenly heard a quiet "help me," this prompted her to locate the source of the voice which resulted in her finding Lorenzo lying next to a pillar. "Please help me." "Who did this to you, where are they now, and have you seen a young girl with pink and blue hair go by?" Selena used her powers to silently read the injured person's mind, but before her powers could alert her of it being a trap, she heard another voice which caused her pupils to shrink with fear. "Hello my precious doll." Selena turned to face the new voice and to her horror, she saw Paradox standing behind her, appearing the same way he looked the day before he died. The trauma from the mistreatment and terror she received from him overridden her senses and caused her to stand completely motionless. Behind her Lorenzo leaped and took off his mask expelling a strong toxin into her lungs causing her to faint and drop the pieces of the Matrix. Lorenzo, "Why did you change the plan to capture her instead of bargaining with her?" Paradox, "Because I want the last thing, they see is me holding the reloaded Matrix and handing it over to my masters." Paradox then switched back to his mechanical body and wrapped Selena in thick pairs of chains. He then took her body along with the rest of the heroes to the depths of the castle.
Simultaneously on Earth, Diamond slowly made his way to the source of the blast as he yelled at the pedestrians to head southbound. When he reached the center of the blast three figures emerged. A hulking lizard creature, a humanoid squid, and a tall figure wrapped in black cloth with piercing red goggles. "HEY! THIS TOWN IS CLOSED TO THUGS LIKE YOU TODAY!" The man in black cloth responded back, "We were wishing for a fight with Selena, but facing you is even better!" "I suggest you stand down before I rip a tentacle from your friend Squidward!" "Grok shut his mouth." The hulking creature lifted his axe from his back and started charging at Diamond. Diamond tapped his chest as his nanotech started to form around him as he created several large blasters from his back and fired at Grok. The blasts sent Grok flying backwards to his two other companions, but the man in black simply waved his hand to the right which sent Grok crashing into a local store. Diamond flew towards the humanoid squid and started punching him with unrelenting force that caused the squid to vomit quantities of ink. The man in black teleported behind Diamond and used his mystic powers to gain the upper hand by distorting the reality around them. The squid shaped his head into a spear and tried to pierce Diamond with his poison, but Diamond dodged it and sent him hurdling towards the man in black, breaking the reality illusion. He then had his suit create a sticky net which he shot to capture both the man in black and squid. Grok finally managed to get back up, but upon seeing his comrades captured, he clicked a button on his belt that resulted in him exploding creating a blast deadlier than the first. Diamond noticed there were a few people that were in the blast radius of this second explosion and flew towards them using his strength to hold the falling debris from the tall business building. The debris piled the streets with dust and papers, until the sound of sirens broke the silence. Law enforcement arrested the two other villains while Diamond was barely holding large portions of fallen walls, glass, and stone from crushing him and the civilians under him. The leading officer noticed Diamond struggling in the debris, but decided not to help him, he thought to himself, "Let's see if he can truly save others and be the hero the weak minded believe him to be." The crushing weight began to take a toll on Diamond as he slowly began to lose his footing until he was on his knees holding the debris up.
"I promise.....I will get all of you out alive!" Negative thoughts began to enter his mind as various voices began to call out. "You are not good enough. You couldn't save your own parents; how can you save these unfortunate souls? You are playing a fool's game. See how the law enforcement refuses to acknowledge your existence. Face it your story is over. Finished. You are nothing but a weak boy who thought he could have been a great hero." Diamond tried to block out these voices, but they began to take a toll on him, nearly causing him to give up, but then a quiet voice entered his mind. A voice smooth like honey but strong as thunder echoed in his mind. "You are something more. Look inside yourself, you are something far more than when you started all those years ago as a small-town hero. Do not listen to their empty words, listen to me. Do you renounce sin?" "I do." "Do you renounce the Devil, the sin whisperer, and all his empty promises?" "I do!" "Do you believe in the Faith of your fathers, the Resurrection, and life everlasting?" "I do!" "Arise my child." At that very moment Diamond felt the power of the Light course through him at greater quantities than before as his body began to glow with gold and white light. With a newfound access to the Light, Diamond felt it was only natural to change the wording when harnessing its power, "Through the power of Heaven's Light.......All things are possible!" Diamond effortlessly lifted the debris away from him as the civilians under his care ran to the rest of the crowd. The onlookers stared at Diamond's glowing gold and white body. They were baffled in amazement as a few murmured amongst themselves, "Truly this is the act of a selfless hero."
Diamond did not hear the crowd's cheers, whistles, and praises as he stood deep in contemplation. Deep within his soul, he was able to sense his family was in grave danger. With his connection to the Light restored, he made it his new mission to travel to the Omniverse where he sensed the disturbance. He quietly spoke to himself, "Oh yeah I'm ready to whip the person who is so bent on ruining my life! But first, I have to do it in style. He allowed his suit to create two large speakers; HONEY make sure the volume is on max. Time for us to go back into the Megaverse!"
To Be Continued In The Alphaverse Part 2

This is a in-dept guide for those who are hoping to experience the Sunrise Express. This will be broken down into five main sections: booking your tickets, getting the tickets, getting to the train, aboard the train, and exiting the train/station. Please note that this is all anecdotal so YMMW
Booking Your Tickets:
TLDR: Book 1 month in advance the moment tickets become available, pre-fill the information on the site so that you can hit search the moment 10:00am JST rolls around, and select 1 passenger as the number of passengers regardless of being a party of 1 or 2.
There is an English version of the JR west website where you can book your tickets if you cannot read Japanese. While the English version of the site does not explicitly point this out, there are two types of rooms on the Sunrise Express that can sleep two people. There is the Single Twin room and the Twin room. The Single Twin room is in a bunk bed configuration and has less space whereas the Twin room has the beds side by side and there is more space. These rooms tend to sell out extremely quickly, within 3 minutes of release for purchase, as you are competing with people others who are trying to book them online and JR staff helping people book in person. Reservation for tickets open 1 month in advance at 10:00am JST and that's when you'll need to make the reservation if you want to get yourself any type of twin rooms. I've seen other posts online stating that you have a better chance of booking the twin style rooms at a station in person, but that wasn't an option for me so I can't confirm nor deny that will increase your odd of getting yourself a twin style room.
When it comes to the actual booking, be sure to double check details of your route to ensure that the stations you select are applicable. For example, the train stops at Osaka station when the train is headed for Tokyo, but skips Osaka station when the train is leaving from Tokyo. To book the train, I suggest having multiple tabs open with the necessary information on the site prefilled such that you can click on search button the moment 10:00am JST comes around. Also, you should have your credit card handy so that you're ready to pay assuming you're able to get a room. Since you're likely travelling with another person when booking a twin style room, both you and your travelling companion should do this to further increase your odds of booking the room. Booking the twin room (beds are side by side) is a bit easier since you can pre-select the train and twin as the room type. However, if you'd like book the single twin room (bunk bed configuration) you can pre-select just the train. After 10:00am JST and hitting search, you will then select "Sleeper Car B". For more details on a break down of how to book the different room types, take a look at the post by u/NightHawkCanada here. The next portion will focus on booking the twin room. Unfortunately I don't have any experience booking the single twin room so I won't be able to comment on that.
With the information pre-filled, click on search at 10:00am JST. You'll be brought to a page asking you to select a smoking or non-smoking room. Even though I don't smoke, I selected the smoking room as that was the only option available. I was concerned about the room potentially smelling like cigarettes, but at least for the twin room I rode in, it was a non-issue. Once you've selected a room, you will be asked for the number of passengers. Even though there were 2 of us who were going to be sleeping the room, my understanding is that you're supposed to put 1 as the number of passengers. According to the Google translated version of the Japanese version of the site:

As the price is set per room, please select "1 adult" for the number of guests whether you are booking for 1 or 2 people (including children)

If anyone has had success with reserving a twin room when putting 2 as the number of passengers, please let us all know. After putting in the number of passengers, you'll need to fill out your name, email, a 4 digit confirmation pin that you'll later use, and your credit card information. Make sure you use a credit card that you plan to bring with you when you will be riding the Sunrise Express and that you DO NOT lose your confirmation pin. You'll be asked to confirm your information and assuming all goes well you will receive an email from [westjr@jr-odekake.net](mailto:westjr@jr-odekake.net) confirming that your reservation is complete. I was charged 21,320 yen for the room and 8,910 yen for 1 basic fare ticket for a trip from Osaka to Tokyo.
Getting the Tickets:
TLDR: Get your reserved tickets from a green vending machine using your credit card and confirmation pin. Buy another basic fare ticket if you are party of 2 and only received 1 basic fare ticket from the vending machine.
You're able to receive tickets from a ticket vending machine or a station attendant right after you reserve them; you don't have to wait till the date that you'll board the train to get your ticket. Please note that you are only able to receive your tickets during certain times of day as station booths with attendants and vending machines are not 24/7. For more information on when tickets can be received by station, check the JR West website here. To get my tickets, I used one of the green vending machines, inserted the credit card I used to pay for the ticket online with and supplied the 4 digit confirmation pin. For a step by step guide with pictures on how to use the green vending machine to receive your tickets, follow the link here. Assuming you want to get receipt you will end up with four slips of green paper. They will be your ticket for the room,1 basic fare ticket, and your 2 receipts for the 2 tickets.
As you may have noticed, I said that I got 1 basic fare ticket from the vending machine even though there are going to be 2 people sleeping in the twin room. At the time, I was also a bit suspicious of it asked the information booth about it and they said it was okay even though there were 2 us and only had 1 basic fare ticket. However, due to the language barrier there was likely some miscommunication and I would later confirm my suspicions that for 2 people you would need 2 basic fare ticket. Assuming you are a party of 2, you will need to purchase another basic fare ticket that matches the one you just got from the vending machine i.e if you got a basic fare ticket for Osaka station to Tokyo station from the vending machine, buy another one. Before you board the train, you should ideally have 1 ticket for the room and 2 basic fare tickets. Luckily if you made the same mistake that I did, it isn't the end of the world and the attendants at the gate area can assist.
Getting to the Train:
TLDR: Get to the station 30-45 minutes early and the gate attendants are your best friend if anything goes wrong.
I strongly recommend, getting to the station about 30-45 minutes early, especially if you have luggage, so that you have ample time to deal with any unexpected issues and find your train platform. Even if you arrive a little too early there is likely a waiting area for you to rest at to wait for the train. The first challenge we faced was figuring out what platform was going to be departing from. Your best friend here is making sure to follow the signs for the JR lines and then finding one of the screens showing the trains and platform information. The information on the screens cycle between Japanese and English fairly. If you had 2 basic fare tickets, you could each go through the gate by putting in your ticket through the gate as normal; DO NOT throw away your basic fare ticket as you will need it on the train and to exit your arrival station.
However, since we did not have 2 basic fare tickets and the ticket booths and vending machines were closed, we had to work with the gate attendants to figure out a resolution. Using my very limited Japanese and Google translate, we were eventually able to get a stamped pieced of paper that according to Google translate meant this person entered at Osaka station. After getting pass the gate and arriving at the platform, we waited the aforementioned rest area till the train came. About 5 minutes before the train is set to arrive, take the time to figure out where the car your reserved room will be pulling up at using the guide on the floor so that you don't have to sprint to the correct entrance. Worst case you can find the correct car while on the train, but the passageways are fairly narrow so if you have rolling luggage it will be fairly inconvenient.
Aboard the Train:
TLDR: You can buy a basic fare ticket on the train using cash for the same price as if you bought it at the station or reserved a ticket online.
Assuming you boarded the train using the correct entrance, finding your room using the numbers on the wall is fairly simple; maneuvering with rolling luggage and backpacks not so much. Shortly after settling into the room and departing from the station, the conductor stopped by. We were very worried that there would be a huge up charge to buy a ticket on the train, but we were pleasantly surprised and it was just the same 8,910 yen for 1 basic fare ticket. From what I could tell, you would have to pay in cash and they should be able provide change, but since we paid the exact amount I can't confirm. The conductor will then issue you a paper ticket that you need to hold on to and show to the gate agent at your destination station.
The twin room has a little cubby area that is just big enough to store 2 standard carry on sized rolling luggage. The room was fairly alright and had a huge window. There are communal areas, sinks with mirrors to brush your teeth, fairly roomy bathrooms, and shower rooms that require you to purchase a shower card. Unfortunately, they were already all sold out when we went to try to purchase one. I suspect that if you want a shower card you'll likely have to be one of the passengers boarding fairly close to if not at the stations where the train departs. If you want food while on the train, you'll have to bring your own as there is no food served on the train and the vending machines only sell drinks. My two complaints are the room has 1 plug and you're not gonna get the most restful sleep as it isn't exactly quiet and it is a bumpy ride.
Tips:

• Bring body wipes in case you can't get a shower card
• Bring your own towel for the shower
• Bring your own tooth brush and tooth paste
• Bring a power strip or a power brick that can charge multiple devices
• Ear plugs and eye mask may help you get some better sleep
• Buy food before hand
• Bring motion sickness medication or avoid all together if you motion sickness easily

Exiting the Train/Station:
TLDR: Get ready to exit the train 5-10 minutes before your stop, especially if you have rolling luggage, so you don't miss it.
The train will announce the stations that it will be arriving at in both Japanese and English so you don't have to worry about missing your stop too much; it also helps when your destination is the last stop. That said, I suggest getting ready to exit the train about 5-10 minutes early especially if you have rolling luggage to make sure that you're able to exit the train as the doors tend to only be open for a few minutes.
When exiting the station, if you have 2 basic fare tickets you can each feed them into gate machines and they will "eat" them. However, if you do not have 2 basic fare tickets and had a ticket issued by the conductor like us, you will be giving the standard basic fare ticket and the ticket from the conductor to the gate agent. You can keep the ticket for the room as a souvenir if you'd like.
Overall the Sunrise Express was a pretty fun experience and I would love to do it again. Thanks for taking the time to read this guide and I hope this helps anyone who is planning to take a trip on the Sunrise Express - safe travels!

Days Since Last El Paso: 2
SET 1 [7:35 - 8:37 PM PDT]
Alabama Getaway
DOOR OPEN (Followed by takeoff from the Haight during TMNS)
The Music Never Stopped
They Love Each Other
Ramble On Rose
Hurts Me Too
Lost Sailor >
Saint of Circumstance
SET 2 [9:14 - 10:58 PM PDT]
Sugaree
St. Stephen
Brown-Eyed Women
Cumberland Blues
Drums >
Space >
Dear Prudence
Sugar Magnolia >
Scarlet Begonias >
Sunshine Daydream
DESCENT (Slowly landing back at the Haight during Brokedown)
Brokedown Palace
Vintage news clip on the Dead
One More Saturday Night
Rules:
1) Be Kind. You don’t have to agree with everybody, but there’s no reason to be rude.
2) Please don’t skunk up the thread by asking for or sharing miracles. If you choose to share links, keep them in the DMs/PMs. You just gotta poke around.
3) Please don’t award this post. While I appreciate the thought, your money is better spent on a good cause. A cause near and dear to my heart is The Trevor Project
4) No spoilers! If you caught soundcheck or a flash of the setlist, please spoiler tag it or do not mention songs by name!
5) If someone says the word "tempo" we all have to take a shot (or hit, or drink of your choosing (alcoholic or non))
Check-ins: Vidalia, LA; NJ x2; Charlotte x2; Loveland, CO; Dallas, TX x2; Cabo San Lucas; Twin Cities; Provence, France; Columbia, MO; Waterbury, VT; Humboldt County, CA; Freehold, NJ; Fort Worth; The Dolomites in Italy; Tucson, AZ; Section 408; Key West; Berkeley, CA; Grande Prairie, AB, Canada; Milwaukie, OR; Oakland; Victoria, BC by way of Seattle, WA; Toronto

Chapter 9: Knowing
—
Suggested Listening:
Nicholas Brittel Agape
Required Listening ⭐️ Kwabs Like a Star Cover (Corinne Bailey Rae)
⭐️ Raye Vela Like a Star Cover (Corinne Bailey Rae)
—
“Is your heart doing okay?” I asked.
“Yes. It is fine. I am tired, but alright.”
“Good,” I said. “I was wondering. Can you tell me another poem? And then we can go to sleep.”
Sasha looked at me. “About what?” he said, smoke drifting into my face.
“I don’t know. Tell me one about someone you love.”
“Hmm,” he nodded. “Let’s see.”
He pondered this, then an expression I can only describe as conflicted crept across his face.
“What?” I asked.
“There are few I love so dearly as this person.”
My eyes widened. “Who is it?”
Sasha’s brow furrowed. Then he frowned. At first a little, then deeply.
“What?” I asked gently.
Sasha shook his head. I saw pain now in his expression.
“You don’t have to,” I said, my own brow furrowing. “Please don’t. I can pick something else. Or, actually, we can just go to sleep right now.”
Sasha closed his eyes. Then nodded as if he had come to a decision.
“I will do this. This person I love more than my own self. I would die for him. However, it will not be pretty, this poem.”
I frowned too. “Okay,” I whispered.
“ Sharp Like the tip of a blade Blunt Like the pommel of the same sword Me Like the face of his face Him Like the reflection of my visage Swift Like the bird of prey’s flight Ruthless Like the killing of its hunt Dark Like the night without the moon Troubled Like the Dead River of the Void Alive Like his heart’s beating rhythm Dying Like the joy of his soul “
“Who is that about?” I asked, concerned. “You, ‘the face of his face.’ Your twin?”
“Yes. He is not well,” Sasha said.
“Why? What happened?”
Sasha turned away from me, shaking his head. “It is too heavy to speak of just now. In the future we will.”
“Okay, I get you,” I reassured him.
“Thank you. I worry about him everyday. I call him just as much. I would give my life for him. I owe it to him,” Sasha said fiercely. “He gave his and much more. Because of his strength we survived an ordeal too terrible to speak of.”
I thought back to when he said he felt as if he were dying. I hadn’t known he meant it literally. Then the words he had latched on to: mangled and twisted. A picture was forming. A bad one.
“Thank you for creating this poem. You didn’t have to put yourself through that pain for me,” I said guiltily. Sasha shook his head at me.
“It is okay. Perhaps it was good to express his personality in poetry. It hurts to be away from him in this place. He-“ Sasha stopped. He rubbed his mouth. “I hope he is well enough to come eventually.”
I wondered what he’d been about to say. But I did not press the issue.
“Me too. I’m so sorry you all are dealing with that kind of pain. For what it’s worth, I think the poem you made about him is beautiful. Your brother sounds like a strong Wingscale that’s really going through it right now. I hope whatever joy has been stolen from him—from his soul—renews from the ashes. Or maybe some new joy will settle there, burning brightly.”
“Like a Phoenix,” he smiled. “I will tell him what you said. You two would get along, I think.”
“I can’t wait to meet him then,” I said. I wondered what sort of person he was. Moreover, I found it incredibly interesting that Sasha had a twin considering I did as well. I would tell him that news sometime when he was not already overwhelmed.
“Why don’t you get some rest? You’ve had all kinds of heart attacks and poetry and seen fire wings and what have you,” I suggested.
Sasha chuckled. “Perhaps. I must escape from this. I do not think I have made so many beautiful words manifest as poetry as I have tonight. If I do not sleep I will continue.”
“Okay, right? I usually spend some serious time writing these things. But tonight it’s like my mouth is possessed by my own self.”
“What an apt way to describe it. I feel the same. I acknowledge that my manner of speech is skilled, but tonight it holds a level of eloquence that I did not know I possessed.”
I thought back to his oration, the first thing he recited of our lyrical night. I shivered. “Sasha, you can ‘Speak to me’ anytime. This soul is listening. Eloquence indeed.”
“I promise I will speak to you more oration. You are the only person I know who would enjoy such serious strings of words for your own enjoyment.”
“I have a taste for dignity,” I replied.
Sasha paused. “What more do you need of eloquence when your mouth creates it from nowhere?”
“You have the flavor I want.”
Sasha stared at me incredulously and shook his head. “I am done with you again. You talk me into a trap at every turn.”
I cackled at him. “Alright, alright. It’s time for you go to sleep.”
“Very well,” he said, laughing gently.
I held him closer, although it was impossible. His wing came down over me like a shroud of protection. We held on to each other in silence, not needing anything to fill the space. I just breathed him. Smoke. Fire. Silence. Warmth. Breath. Growl. They spoke enough.
After a while of just laying there in peacefulness, he fell asleep. I could feel the regular inhalations and exhalations marked by the shudder of his chest. And he was a heavy sleeper. Or he was exhausted. Both probably. His flames were still wild even in slumber. Small flickers and tendrils of fire peeked every so often from his mouth. A deep growl emanated from his chest and throat at every exhalation. I stroked Sasha’s face as he slept, the heat of his fire on my hand, and he didn’t move an inch.
I watched him for a while until it occurred to me to write out all the words we had recited to each other. I turned over and reached past his wing to grab my phone from the nightstand. The glow from my screen was strange, it’s blueness cutting through the smoky red in my vision. I sat back and typed every amazing thing we had said.
Those collections of words we had stitched together from nothing just floored me. I had never made poetry like what I did that night. Such passion and beauty.
I looked at Sasha again, thinking about the words that had entranced me from his mouth.
‘Speak to me.’
‘Speak to me.’
The phrase kept ringing out in my chest. He was right. It was a rare thing to find someone who would hang on to your every word with the utmost attention. With actual interest, engagement. I wanted to speak to him forever, about anything. And he would listen. I would listen to him.
I closed my eyes and shook my head at such strong thoughts about a stranger. I thought of all the ‘normal’ people I had dated in the past. The relationships had all gone ‘normally’: date, texting, talking into the night, more dates, sex, dates. Accusations, breakups, crying. Getting over it. Normal stuff.
This was not normal, not in the slightest. Never in all my life had I behaved the way I did under that tree. I was still wondering who that was. Who was the Leila that kissed that way, that straddled dragons in broad daylight? That made love without a first date at all and then swore a stranger to an oath of binding, a whole relationship? That spoke poetry at him from her breath like it was my own fire?
Apparently I was her. It frightened me, the speed with which she and I had moved in one evening. And yet it all felt perfectly normal, inevitable.
Of course I had known when Sasha arrived there was something special about him, no matter how I tried to pretend everything was normal. why was I pretending?
That very first day, when I saw him walk into my morning class, I wasn’t paying attention when he said who he was. I had looked up and locked eyes with him. We held each others gaze for a beat longer than necessary.
Every damn class that day, and the following, I missed him announce his name. It was like a comedy sketch. The writing class we shared was the only one I was paying close attention to, and the professor had written his name on the board of course. It was infuriating.
I watched him like a hawk after he arrived that week. In all that time he didn’t speak around me. And I never spoke to him. Why hadn’t I? What had stopped me?
Just like he said, we just kept Circling each other, but never allowed ourselves to meet at the center of our orbit. He felt the same way. He had said he wanted to speak with me as well but for some reason he didn’t.
It was like a force was beckoning us to each other. To finally meet at the center of a Circle.
This day had been the first time I heard his voice at all. If I had heard it earlier, I would have been completely undone. I would not have let him walk away from me so many times.
I stared at his sleeping form, and a thought came to me again. He avoided speaking around me on purpose. Talking to me. He had known that getting close to me might start something, but had he know it would be his voice that caused such a domino effect? Then again, he knew far more than I did about Callings. Frequencies.
I balked at that word. It was so clumsy, so empty to how it felt. We shared vibes. My soul vibrated on the same wavelength as his body. Our mouths breathed the same breath. Our hearts beat the same.
Sameness. Oneness. Vibes.
He knew something would happen to his body if he let us get too close to each other. I was what he thought I was, and he had failed to prevent that change in us. But he didn’t know anything of how these changes would manifest.
It had happened so fast that he was alarmed to see me standing there in class. As soon as I greeted him, the very second he said ‘hi,’ that curious sound beneath his voice started. The thought that he was so helpless at that moment saddened me the same way it did him when he revealed the permanence of Calling. He never stood a chance. I kissed my hand and continued to stroke his face with that kiss.
And then the wings. The dreams and visions. Those two otherworldly beings… What were we? Were we gods or something? Were we reincarnated versions of them? Possessed? Were they using us? What did any of this mean? I did not know.
I tried to be more upset about this breech on our lives that sent us careening down a path we didn’t ask for. But looking at that red dragon, how could I? Our first contact was so lovely. The way we had spoken to each other in class was sweet. Neither of us could keep a smile off our faces. Laughing and carrying on, a perfect match of good humor.
I stared at him trying to conjure up feelings of grief, apprehension, fear, irritation or anything negative at all, and I came up with nothing.
I sighed. I could tell that in that other life, in that place of lakes of fire and expanses of the cosmos, that we were really something special. Something strong. Something beautiful. I was not alarmed at our sudden connection, the strength of it, the passion of it.
But if we broke apart from one another in the future—everything in me said no—that alarmed me. The coldness. The despair. The threat of death at an incomplete attunement. At a great falling away into a chasm. It was horrifying that Sasha could literally die from us being separated. It was unfair.
I would never let that happen. How horrible a thought. Not after this Calling had fallen upon him and surprises kept rearing their heads.
I was done writing our poems and, subsequently, my musings. I put my phone back where it belonged. My head was still swirling with all those thoughts, but I shut my eyes and tried to shut down my mind.
I held Sasha again. Even in his sleep he put his arms back around me. It made me smile to be enveloped in his warmth.
Eventually I drifted off to sleep as well.

I don’t know how long I had been asleep when I felt Sasha’s heartbeat pick up enough to wake me. It was the time where night lingers in the earliest of hours. Nothing but the soft murmur of calling insects and wind outside.
I groaned and looked up into Sasha’s face, but he was still sleeping.
“What is it?” I asked, groggy.
“Please,” he slurred.
“Please what?” I whispered, more alert.
He mumbled something more in his sleep. “Make it stop,” he whispered. “Please,” he pleaded. “…the shore...”
I put my hands over my mouth. I didn’t know what he could be dreaming about. It occurred to me that all that talk of pain and wounds might have stemmed from ptsd or something like that. He was in the military after all.
I let him be just in case that’s what it was. I did not want to add additional stress or confusion to a ptsd dream.
Eventually Sasha stirred of his own accord. He opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. I waited until he seemed to be all there with me.
“Hey, you alright?” I didn’t mention his sleep talking.
He didn’t say a word for a moment, just rubbed his eyebrows. Then he patted my back. I let go of him so he could sit up.
He removed his wing from around me, groaning.
“What is it?” I inquired.
Sasha rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at me. “I heard your Calling…” he whispered tiredly in wonder, so low I almost didn’t hear him. “It was soft and quiet, almost imperceptible. But I heard it, still, in my sleep…”
My eyes widened, my heart pounding as well. I sat up. “Really?” I whispered back. “What is it like?”
He moved his head to the side, still listening. “Soft waves. A wind chime. A whisper of song. I have heard it before. That is why I awoke,” he said.
“Really?” I asked. My Calling sounded peaceful like being at the beach. Of course, my favorite place. Interesting. I sleepily folded my arms under my head.
“It is very faint.” Sasha closed his eyes. “I know when I heard it.”
“When was that?” I asked.
“You are sleepy still. We can speak of it later.”
I waved him off. “We are awake now. I have no doubt when we say we’ll sleep again it will be no trouble. I fell to sleep easily and so did you.”
Sasha chuckled to himself. “Very well, Leila.” He leaned his back, head against the headboard. His eyes stayed closed.
“I was sitting with my brother, Pasha, upon a stone wall at the beach. It was the evening before I came to this place. I was unsure if I had made the right decision to go with my father. To leave Pasha behind. I had wanted to throw myself into my work to forget the ordeal we had both gone through. But Pasha told me I needed something new, and that whatever it was lie across the ocean waiting for me. Something fulfilling. He said that, surely, wallowing in guilt, in anger and sadness, would not help me heal my wounds although he was dealing with wounds of his own.”
I wondered what wounds he meant. I had seen the scars on his wings. More pain. More scars. Mangled and twisted. He had died and would do so again. Moreover, he had muttered something about the shore. And here it appeared in his story. What had happened to him?
As if sensing my questions, he inhaled deeply.
“I will tell you of the things that transpired eventually. It was… horrible. It is still too raw for me. I apologize for these strange disjointed hints of pain, of suffering.”
“No, no. It’s okay. We will discuss it all later,” I said appreciatively. “Go on.”
“Hmm. Even after Pasha’s encouragement, I still felt apprehension about traveling to this land. All at once, I heard a woman singing on the beach, yet I saw no one.
I heard the sound of wildly swaying wind chimes, of rain, of whipping winds, but there were nothing anywhere to make such sounds.
My brother thought I was crazy. But that voice stirred my spirit as I stared out at that dark water. It was mournful, like a siren in a tempest whose heart had been broken to pieces.
At one point, she whispered a barely discernible plea: ‘Someone, just please help me.’ ‘I can’t do this.’”
I gasped in alarm, my heart hammering away so hard I thought I would have a heart attack. I knew at once the woman was me. It was me who had been pleading in turmoil, with those precise words, wanting someone to swoop down and save me. By the Goddess…
Sasha continued his tale, perhaps not noticing my change in demeanor. “I didn’t know where she was, or what it was she did not want to do, but I told my brother to give me a moment.
I stood and walked along the shore, looking for someone in need, for anything strange. I never found any such woman. I spoke a word of peace to her, whoever she was, wherever she was.”
At the same time, we both said:“Calm your spirit and be at peace. Whatever you feel, just let it exist. Let it be.”
Sasha stopped. He opened his eyes and stared at me in awe. “You heard those words?”
I nodded, heart still pounding. Which of us was having these heart troubles? Him or me?
Sasha shook his head, rubbing his face. “Madness. But truly amazing nonetheless,” he said quietly.
“Yeah…” I responded. I didn’t know what else to say.
“It was you,” he said, not asked.
“I suppose so…”
Sasha continued.
“I returned to my brother to conclude our talk. I told him I wanted to stay a while, and he stayed with me. The song turned into something sweeter after a time. I went looking yet again but never found you. Of course I could not. You were nowhere near me.
Eventually we left. Pasha and I parted ways, and I returned to my home.
No matter what I did, I could not shake your voice from my mind that evening. It sent shivers down my spine. So I returned to the beach. There was nothing else for it; I would have remained awake all night agonizing over my travels the next day anyway. Why not do so surrounded by such mystical music?
I went to a quiet place, book and blanket in hand. The water was complete still, yet the sound of waves was everywhere. Intangible, lapping against the shore.”
I recalled when I had mentioned sitting at the beach watching waves lapping on the shore. He had paused then, as we stood in his living room, thinking of something. I now knew he had recalled this event and wondered at the similarities.
“The sunset was vibrant, strangely so. It was stunning, like a painting. No one else seemed to find the sight of note but me.
You were singing, but again in sorrow. I stayed out there, reading a book and meditating, until others went away from the beach. Until only I remained. Your faint song, the softest whispers of singing, became sweet again. So much singing, you did. By the gods so much singing. It was like a quiet concert.”
I covered my face. “I’m glad you caught them,” I said, laughing.
“There was only one song I caught well enough to hear the words. You sang it over and over. I did not sleep until you uttered nothing more, your voice fading away. I felt empty at the silence, but content in that, perhaps, my presence had calmed this siren, that perhaps her broken heart had somewhat mended. Unfortunately for me; the absence of your songs caused a melancholy to settle in my spirit. A longing. I came here looking for your voice. I questioned your love of voices because it shocked me, the similarities we continue to share.”
“Hmmm,” I vocalized, not unlike he so often did.
Sasha regarded me, shaking his head in wonder. “Repeating that event back, it is obvious that this woman was you. At the time, back when it happened, I regarded it as a very strange occurrence or perhaps my descent into madness,” he said.
“You most certainly are not mad,” I said.
“Indeed. I know very well at this point that your experience across the ocean happened at that time. You knew my words.”
“I remember them well. Just like a lot of things so far, we have these experiences, the aspects of ourselves that are too similar to be a coincidence. We are like mirrors.”
“Only one of us is larger.”
“Sasha!” I exclaimed.
He laughed at me, hugging me. Then he lay down onto the bed again.
“Speak to me of that same evening,” he said.
I sat up slightly, leaning on my elbow, looking into his eyes.
“I was at the beach too. Certainly the same night, the same week you appeared at school. I have this one particular spot on the beach where no one goes but me. I would make myself a wood fire and look at the smoke swirl into tendrils, embers scattering to the wind. I would sit there to watch storms roll in the distance, writing poetry or doing homework or what have you.”
Sasha nodded, acknowledging the picture I painted was the same as his Call. I nudged him, making him smile.
“But that day? I was having an awful time. Every year I dreaded the same thing, but I always escaped. This time, there was no more running. I was cornered, trapped. And the choice was before me. I stared across the ocean and cried. I said it as you heard. ‘I can’t do this. Please help me.’ I just wanted someone to get me out of that situation, but I wasn’t willing to ask for it again. I was so tired of disappointment.
So I’m sitting there in front of these hypnotic flames singing to myself, trying to shake off those bad spirits. Couldn’t even write a poem about my own despair.”
“Impossible. I refuse to believe such nonsense,” he said, chuckling.
“Shocking, I know,” I agreed, smiling. “That’s when I heard a thunderstorm on the horizon. At least there was that, I thought. My greatest comfort to cheer me.
I’m listening to that distant storm, but there were no clouds, no darkness, no strike of lightning. It puzzled me.
But the sky. Oh Sasha, that was the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. The same wonderful night sky you saw. It was brighter than normal, like fire and roses and gold melding with the sea. I have never seen a more beautiful place for the Goddess to drift into slumber.
I stood up and looked around. Further down the beach people were still going into the water, chatting, lazing about, like nothing was happening. Like this gorgeous sky and this distant storm did not exist.
Then I heard this voice. It was faint. Super faint. But so deep—“ I patted his chest, now knowing it was him. “Your voice; you said those words to me such that my soul was contented.”
“Calm your spirit and be at peace. Whatever you feel, just let it exist. Let it be,” he repeated quietly. “I live by these words. I acknowledge the feelings and emotions, the pain and joy, that exist in me, that often loom before me. The negative ones will not simply vanish because I ignore them. Sometimes it is easy to face them. And sometimes it is so, so hard, Leila. So hard it feels impossible. But I try, still.”
“And your way of facing your emotions is the truth. I did as you suggested that night; the intense sorrow I felt was for a reason, for many reasons. And I just let all that sorrow unfold so I could face it. Your words were like a warm hug in the midst of my despair. Thank you.”
“You are always welcome,” he said, stroking my face. “Go on.”
“After that, I stayed out there all night. The storm never showed itself, but only grew louder. It’s like it rolled only for me. And it did, didn’t it?
I slept out there under the stars that night. Didn’t care about school. Didn’t care about anyone or anything. Your voice of peace washed away all my worries. So after that I just sang as the thunder peeled, and I did so all evening and into the night. I started singing to you specifically after that. Joyously. I broke out my best numbers,” I said. I covered my face, cracking up.
He laughed quietly. “Indeed; as I said, what I could discern was beautiful.”
I uncovered my face and smiled. “Thank you,” I said. I sighed, reaching my tale’s conclusion. “The next day I felt like I had come out of a deep meditation. Like the sorrow of yesterday did not exist. I had hoped to the Sun that your voice was the Answer to what troubled me. Then your voice stopped for a time. Until today.”

Chapter 9: Knowing
—
Suggested Listening:
Nicholas Brittel Agape
Required Listening ⭐️ Kwabs Like a Star Cover (Corinne Bailey Rae)
⭐️ Raye Vela Like a Star Cover (Corinne Bailey Rae)
—
“Is your heart doing okay?” I asked.
“Yes. It is fine. I am tired, but alright.”
“Good,” I said. “I was wondering. Can you tell me another poem? And then we can go to sleep.”
Sasha looked at me. “About what?” he said, smoke drifting into my face.
“I don’t know. Tell me one about someone you love.”
“Hmm,” he nodded. “Let’s see.”
He pondered this, then an expression I can only describe as conflicted crept across his face.
“What?” I asked.
“There are few I love so dearly as this person.”
My eyes widened. “Who is it?”
Sasha’s brow furrowed. Then he frowned. At first a little, then deeply.
“What?” I asked gently.
Sasha shook his head. I saw pain now in his expression.
“You don’t have to,” I said, my own brow furrowing. “Please don’t. I can pick something else. Or, actually, we can just go to sleep right now.”
Sasha closed his eyes. Then nodded as if he had come to a decision.
“I will do this. This person I love more than my own self. I would die for him. However, it will not be pretty, this poem.”
I frowned too. “Okay,” I whispered.
“ Sharp Like the tip of a blade Blunt Like the pommel of the same sword Me Like the face of his face Him Like the reflection of my visage Swift Like the bird of prey’s flight Ruthless Like the killing of its hunt Dark Like the night without the moon Troubled Like the Dead River of the Void Alive Like his heart’s beating rhythm Dying Like the joy of his soul “
“Who is that about?” I asked, concerned. “You, ‘the face of his face.’ Your twin?”
“Yes. He is not well,” Sasha said.
“Why? What happened?”
Sasha turned away from me, shaking his head. “It is too heavy to speak of just now. In the future we will.”
“Okay, I get you,” I reassured him.
“Thank you. I worry about him everyday. I call him just as much. I would give my life for him. I owe it to him,” Sasha said fiercely. “He gave his and much more. Because of his strength we survived an ordeal too terrible to speak of.”
I thought back to when he said he felt as if he were dying. I hadn’t known he meant it literally. Then the words he had latched on to: mangled and twisted. A picture was forming. A bad one.
“Thank you for creating this poem. You didn’t have to put yourself through that pain for me,” I said guiltily. Sasha shook his head at me.
“It is okay. Perhaps it was good to express his personality in poetry. It hurts to be away from him in this place. He-“ Sasha stopped. He rubbed his mouth. “I hope he is well enough to come eventually.”
I wondered what he’d been about to say. But I did not press the issue.
“Me too. I’m so sorry you all are dealing with that kind of pain. For what it’s worth, I think the poem you made about him is beautiful. Your brother sounds like a strong Wingscale that’s really going through it right now. I hope whatever joy has been stolen from him—from his soul—renews from the ashes. Or maybe some new joy will settle there, burning brightly.”
“Like a Phoenix,” he smiled. “I will tell him what you said. You two would get along, I think.”
“I can’t wait to meet him then,” I said. I wondered what sort of person he was. Moreover, I found it incredibly interesting that Sasha had a twin considering I did as well. I would tell him that news sometime when he was not already overwhelmed.
“Why don’t you get some rest? You’ve had all kinds of heart attacks and poetry and seen fire wings and what have you,” I suggested.
Sasha chuckled. “Perhaps. I must escape from this. I do not think I have made so many beautiful words manifest as poetry as I have tonight. If I do not sleep I will continue.”
“Okay, right? I usually spend some serious time writing these things. But tonight it’s like my mouth is possessed by my own self.”
“What an apt way to describe it. I feel the same. I acknowledge that my manner of speech is skilled, but tonight it holds a level of eloquence that I did not know I possessed.”
I thought back to his oration, the first thing he recited of our lyrical night. I shivered. “Sasha, you can ‘Speak to me’ anytime. This soul is listening. Eloquence indeed.”
“I promise I will speak to you more oration. You are the only person I know who would enjoy such serious strings of words for your own enjoyment.”
“I have a taste for dignity,” I replied.
Sasha paused. “What more do you need of eloquence when your mouth creates it from nowhere?”
“You have the flavor I want.”
Sasha stared at me incredulously and shook his head. “I am done with you again. You talk me into a trap at every turn.”
I cackled at him. “Alright, alright. It’s time for you go to sleep.”
“Very well,” he said, laughing gently.
I held him closer, although it was impossible. His wing came down over me like a shroud of protection. We held on to each other in silence, not needing anything to fill the space. I just breathed him. Smoke. Fire. Silence. Warmth. Breath. Growl. They spoke enough.
After a while of just laying there in peacefulness, he fell asleep. I could feel the regular inhalations and exhalations marked by the shudder of his chest. And he was a heavy sleeper. Or he was exhausted. Both probably. His flames were still wild even in slumber. Small flickers and tendrils of fire peeked every so often from his mouth. A deep growl emanated from his chest and throat at every exhalation. I stroked Sasha’s face as he slept, the heat of his fire on my hand, and he didn’t move an inch.
I watched him for a while until it occurred to me to write out all the words we had recited to each other. I turned over and reached past his wing to grab my phone from the nightstand. The glow from my screen was strange, it’s blueness cutting through the smoky red in my vision. I sat back and typed every amazing thing we had said.
Those collections of words we had stitched together from nothing just floored me. I had never made poetry like what I did that night. Such passion and beauty.
I looked at Sasha again, thinking about the words that had entranced me from his mouth.
‘Speak to me.’
‘Speak to me.’
The phrase kept ringing out in my chest. He was right. It was a rare thing to find someone who would hang on to your every word with the utmost attention. With actual interest, engagement. I wanted to speak to him forever, about anything. And he would listen. I would listen to him.
I closed my eyes and shook my head at such strong thoughts about a stranger. I thought of all the ‘normal’ people I had dated in the past. The relationships had all gone ‘normally’: date, texting, talking into the night, more dates, sex, dates. Accusations, breakups, crying. Getting over it. Normal stuff.
This was not normal, not in the slightest. Never in all my life had I behaved the way I did under that tree. I was still wondering who that was. Who was the Leila that kissed that way, that straddled dragons in broad daylight? That made love without a first date at all and then swore a stranger to an oath of binding, a whole relationship? That spoke poetry at him from her breath like it was my own fire?
Apparently I was her. It frightened me, the speed with which she and I had moved in one evening. And yet it all felt perfectly normal, inevitable.
Of course I had known when Sasha arrived there was something special about him, no matter how I tried to pretend everything was normal. why was I pretending?
That very first day, when I saw him walk into my morning class, I wasn’t paying attention when he said who he was. I had looked up and locked eyes with him. We held each others gaze for a beat longer than necessary.
Every damn class that day, and the following, I missed him announce his name. It was like a comedy sketch. The writing class we shared was the only one I was paying close attention to, and the professor had written his name on the board of course. It was infuriating.
I watched him like a hawk after he arrived that week. In all that time he didn’t speak around me. And I never spoke to him. Why hadn’t I? What had stopped me?
Just like he said, we just kept Circling each other, but never allowed ourselves to meet at the center of our orbit. He felt the same way. He had said he wanted to speak with me as well but for some reason he didn’t.
It was like a force was beckoning us to each other. To finally meet at the center of a Circle.
This day had been the first time I heard his voice at all. If I had heard it earlier, I would have been completely undone. I would not have let him walk away from me so many times.
I stared at his sleeping form, and a thought came to me again. He avoided speaking around me on purpose. Talking to me. He had known that getting close to me might start something, but had he know it would be his voice that caused such a domino effect? Then again, he knew far more than I did about Callings. Frequencies.
I balked at that word. It was so clumsy, so empty to how it felt. We shared vibes. My soul vibrated on the same wavelength as his body. Our mouths breathed the same breath. Our hearts beat the same.
Sameness. Oneness. Vibes.
He knew something would happen to his body if he let us get too close to each other. I was what he thought I was, and he had failed to prevent that change in us. But he didn’t know anything of how these changes would manifest.
It had happened so fast that he was alarmed to see me standing there in class. As soon as I greeted him, the very second he said ‘hi,’ that curious sound beneath his voice started. The thought that he was so helpless at that moment saddened me the same way it did him when he revealed the permanence of Calling. He never stood a chance. I kissed my hand and continued to stroke his face with that kiss.
And then the wings. The dreams and visions. Those two otherworldly beings… What were we? Were we gods or something? Were we reincarnated versions of them? Possessed? Were they using us? What did any of this mean? I did not know.
I tried to be more upset about this breech on our lives that sent us careening down a path we didn’t ask for. But looking at that red dragon, how could I? Our first contact was so lovely. The way we had spoken to each other in class was sweet. Neither of us could keep a smile off our faces. Laughing and carrying on, a perfect match of good humor.
I stared at him trying to conjure up feelings of grief, apprehension, fear, irritation or anything negative at all, and I came up with nothing.
I sighed. I could tell that in that other life, in that place of lakes of fire and expanses of the cosmos, that we were really something special. Something strong. Something beautiful. I was not alarmed at our sudden connection, the strength of it, the passion of it.
But if we broke apart from one another in the future—everything in me said no—that alarmed me. The coldness. The despair. The threat of death at an incomplete attunement. At a great falling away into a chasm. It was horrifying that Sasha could literally die from us being separated. It was unfair.
I would never let that happen. How horrible a thought. Not after this Calling had fallen upon him and surprises kept rearing their heads.
I was done writing our poems and, subsequently, my musings. I put my phone back where it belonged. My head was still swirling with all those thoughts, but I shut my eyes and tried to shut down my mind.
I held Sasha again. Even in his sleep he put his arms back around me. It made me smile to be enveloped in his warmth.
Eventually I drifted off to sleep as well.

I don’t know how long I had been asleep when I felt Sasha’s heartbeat pick up enough to wake me. It was the time where night lingers in the earliest of hours. Nothing but the soft murmur of calling insects and wind outside.
I groaned and looked up into Sasha’s face, but he was still sleeping.
“What is it?” I asked, groggy.
“Please,” he slurred.
“Please what?” I whispered, more alert.
He mumbled something more in his sleep. “Make it stop,” he whispered. “Please,” he pleaded. “…the shore...”
I put my hands over my mouth. I didn’t know what he could be dreaming about. It occurred to me that all that talk of pain and wounds might have stemmed from ptsd or something like that. He was in the military after all.
I let him be just in case that’s what it was. I did not want to add additional stress or confusion to a ptsd dream.
Eventually Sasha stirred of his own accord. He opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. I waited until he seemed to be all there with me.
“Hey, you alright?” I didn’t mention his sleep talking.
He didn’t say a word for a moment, just rubbed his eyebrows. Then he patted my back. I let go of him so he could sit up.
He removed his wing from around me, groaning.
“What is it?” I inquired.
Sasha rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at me. “I heard your Calling…” he whispered tiredly in wonder, so low I almost didn’t hear him. “It was soft and quiet, almost imperceptible. But I heard it, still, in my sleep…”
My eyes widened, my heart pounding as well. I sat up. “Really?” I whispered back. “What is it like?”
He moved his head to the side, still listening. “Soft waves. A wind chime. A whisper of song. I have heard it before. That is why I awoke,” he said.
“Really?” I asked. My Calling sounded peaceful like being at the beach. Of course, my favorite place. Interesting. I sleepily folded my arms under my head.
“It is very faint.” Sasha closed his eyes. “I know when I heard it.”
“When was that?” I asked.
“You are sleepy still. We can speak of it later.”
I waved him off. “We are awake now. I have no doubt when we say we’ll sleep again it will be no trouble. I fell to sleep easily and so did you.”
Sasha chuckled to himself. “Very well, Leila.” He leaned his back, head against the headboard. His eyes stayed closed.
“I was sitting with my brother, Pasha, upon a stone wall at the beach. It was the evening before I came to this place. I was unsure if I had made the right decision to go with my father. To leave Pasha behind. I had wanted to throw myself into my work to forget the ordeal we had both gone through. But Pasha told me I needed something new, and that whatever it was lie across the ocean waiting for me. Something fulfilling. He said that, surely, wallowing in guilt, in anger and sadness, would not help me heal my wounds although he was dealing with wounds of his own.”
I wondered what wounds he meant. I had seen the scars on his wings. More pain. More scars. Mangled and twisted. He had died and would do so again. Moreover, he had muttered something about the shore. And here it appeared in his story. What had happened to him?
As if sensing my questions, he inhaled deeply.
“I will tell you of the things that transpired eventually. It was… horrible. It is still too raw for me. I apologize for these strange disjointed hints of pain, of suffering.”
“No, no. It’s okay. We will discuss it all later,” I said appreciatively. “Go on.”
“Hmm. Even after Pasha’s encouragement, I still felt apprehension about traveling to this land. All at once, I heard a woman singing on the beach, yet I saw no one.
I heard the sound of wildly swaying wind chimes, of rain, of whipping winds, but there were nothing anywhere to make such sounds.
My brother thought I was crazy. But that voice stirred my spirit as I stared out at that dark water. It was mournful, like a siren in a tempest whose heart had been broken to pieces.
At one point, she whispered a barely discernible plea: ‘Someone, just please help me.’ ‘I can’t do this.’”
I gasped in alarm, my heart hammering away so hard I thought I would have a heart attack. I knew at once the woman was me. It was me who had been pleading in turmoil, with those precise words, wanting someone to swoop down and save me. By the Goddess…
Sasha continued his tale, perhaps not noticing my change in demeanor. “I didn’t know where she was, or what it was she did not want to do, but I told my brother to give me a moment.
I stood and walked along the shore, looking for someone in need, for anything strange. I never found any such woman. I spoke a word of peace to her, whoever she was, wherever she was.”
At the same time, we both said:“Calm your spirit and be at peace. Whatever you feel, just let it exist. Let it be.”
Sasha stopped. He opened his eyes and stared at me in awe. “You heard those words?”
I nodded, heart still pounding. Which of us was having these heart troubles? Him or me?
Sasha shook his head, rubbing his face. “Madness. But truly amazing nonetheless,” he said quietly.
“Yeah…” I responded. I didn’t know what else to say.
“It was you,” he said, not asked.
“I suppose so…”
Sasha continued.
“I returned to my brother to conclude our talk. I told him I wanted to stay a while, and he stayed with me. The song turned into something sweeter after a time. I went looking yet again but never found you. Of course I could not. You were nowhere near me.
Eventually we left. Pasha and I parted ways, and I returned to my home.
No matter what I did, I could not shake your voice from my mind that evening. It sent shivers down my spine. So I returned to the beach. There was nothing else for it; I would have remained awake all night agonizing over my travels the next day anyway. Why not do so surrounded by such mystical music?
I went to a quiet place, book and blanket in hand. The water was complete still, yet the sound of waves was everywhere. Intangible, lapping against the shore.”
I recalled when I had mentioned sitting at the beach watching waves lapping on the shore. He had paused then, as we stood in his living room, thinking of something. I now knew he had recalled this event and wondered at the similarities.
“The sunset was vibrant, strangely so. It was stunning, like a painting. No one else seemed to find the sight of note but me.
You were singing, but again in sorrow. I stayed out there, reading a book and meditating, until others went away from the beach. Until only I remained. Your faint song, the softest whispers of singing, became sweet again. So much singing, you did. By the gods so much singing. It was like a quiet concert.”
I covered my face. “I’m glad you caught them,” I said, laughing.
“There was only one song I caught well enough to hear the words. You sang it over and over. I did not sleep until you uttered nothing more, your voice fading away. I felt empty at the silence, but content in that, perhaps, my presence had calmed this siren, that perhaps her broken heart had somewhat mended. Unfortunately for me; the absence of your songs caused a melancholy to settle in my spirit. A longing. I came here looking for your voice. I questioned your love of voices because it shocked me, the similarities we continue to share.”
“Hmmm,” I vocalized, not unlike he so often did.
Sasha regarded me, shaking his head in wonder. “Repeating that event back, it is obvious that this woman was you. At the time, back when it happened, I regarded it as a very strange occurrence or perhaps my descent into madness,” he said.
“You most certainly are not mad,” I said.
“Indeed. I know very well at this point that your experience across the ocean happened at that time. You knew my words.”
“I remember them well. Just like a lot of things so far, we have these experiences, the aspects of ourselves that are too similar to be a coincidence. We are like mirrors.”
“Only one of us is larger.”
“Sasha!” I exclaimed.
He laughed at me, hugging me. Then he lay down onto the bed again.
“Speak to me of that same evening,” he said.
I sat up slightly, leaning on my elbow, looking into his eyes.
“I was at the beach too. Certainly the same night, the same week you appeared at school. I have this one particular spot on the beach where no one goes but me. I would make myself a wood fire and look at the smoke swirl into tendrils, embers scattering to the wind. I would sit there to watch storms roll in the distance, writing poetry or doing homework or what have you.”
Sasha nodded, acknowledging the picture I painted was the same as his Call. I nudged him, making him smile.
“But that day? I was having an awful time. Every year I dreaded the same thing, but I always escaped. This time, there was no more running. I was cornered, trapped. And the choice was before me. I stared across the ocean and cried. I said it as you heard. ‘I can’t do this. Please help me.’ I just wanted someone to get me out of that situation, but I wasn’t willing to ask for it again. I was so tired of disappointment.
So I’m sitting there in front of these hypnotic flames singing to myself, trying to shake off those bad spirits. Couldn’t even write a poem about my own despair.”
“Impossible. I refuse to believe such nonsense,” he said, chuckling.
“Shocking, I know,” I agreed, smiling. “That’s when I heard a thunderstorm on the horizon. At least there was that, I thought. My greatest comfort to cheer me.
I’m listening to that distant storm, but there were no clouds, no darkness, no strike of lightning. It puzzled me.
But the sky. Oh Sasha, that was the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. The same wonderful night sky you saw. It was brighter than normal, like fire and roses and gold melding with the sea. I have never seen a more beautiful place for the Goddess to drift into slumber.
I stood up and looked around. Further down the beach people were still going into the water, chatting, lazing about, like nothing was happening. Like this gorgeous sky and this distant storm did not exist.
Then I heard this voice. It was faint. Super faint. But so deep—“ I patted his chest, now knowing it was him. “Your voice; you said those words to me such that my soul was contented.”
“Calm your spirit and be at peace. Whatever you feel, just let it exist. Let it be,” he repeated quietly. “I live by these words. I acknowledge the feelings and emotions, the pain and joy, that exist in me, that often loom before me. The negative ones will not simply vanish because I ignore them. Sometimes it is easy to face them. And sometimes it is so, so hard, Leila. So hard it feels impossible. But I try, still.”
“And your way of facing your emotions is the truth. I did as you suggested that night; the intense sorrow I felt was for a reason, for many reasons. And I just let all that sorrow unfold so I could face it. Your words were like a warm hug in the midst of my despair. Thank you.”
“You are always welcome,” he said, stroking my face. “Go on.”
“After that, I stayed out there all night. The storm never showed itself, but only grew louder. It’s like it rolled only for me. And it did, didn’t it?
I slept out there under the stars that night. Didn’t care about school. Didn’t care about anyone or anything. Your voice of peace washed away all my worries. So after that I just sang as the thunder peeled, and I did so all evening and into the night. I started singing to you specifically after that. Joyously. I broke out my best numbers,” I said. I covered my face, cracking up.
He laughed quietly. “Indeed; as I said, what I could discern was beautiful.”
I uncovered my face and smiled. “Thank you,” I said. I sighed, reaching my tale’s conclusion. “The next day I felt like I had come out of a deep meditation. Like the sorrow of yesterday did not exist. I had hoped to the Sun that your voice was the Answer to what troubled me. Then your voice stopped for a time. Until today.”

CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL

Date: 01/01/2073

Author: Zalmoxis

For: God-King Iohannis, The Prophet Amir, Burebistan, Pleistoros, RD1 & RD2 of the Community & the Children of the Earth Mother

Introduction

This Report is to be considered the first of three founding documents for Eden’s domestic and international doctrine after the Expansion. I have the fortune of undertaking this first part, dealing with Eden’s internal matters, while Part Two will be written by God-King Iohannis about Eden’s external matters, and Part Three by Pleistoros about Eden’s military matters.
Having expanded into what was once our allies, the Polish and Belarussian regions of the Commonwealth, a major readjustment is required regarding the socio-cultural landscape of The Garden. As such, this report will not only detail the ongoing perversions, a persistent threat to the Community, but also present new divisions for Eden based on levels of assimilation. It will also state the measures to be undertaken to ensure holistic and comprehensive assimilation occurs in every part of the Garden.
Due to its nature, this part of the report cannot be circulated beyond those it has been sent to. Members of the Community below the stated levels can be provided information without access to the document as required. The same goes for members of the Warriors, and the general Eden military. Certain elements of the report will be designated as “Kr̥snós” ([M] meaning Black in Proto-Indo-European), meaning that they cannot be communicated beyond those with access to the document. Should any be found in violation of these measures, the punishment is death.

The Perversions of the Garden of Eden

Kr̥snós

The Blood-Bathers

% Of Population

0.03%

Overview

As mentioned in Classified Report #58: Regarding the Perversion of the Earth Mother and Her Faithful the Blood-Bathers remains a perversion concentrated amongst the Proto-Indo-European Elites of the Garden. These individuals undertake their own ‘Blood-Bathing’ rituals, simulating the rituals the Earth Mother draws power from, but warping them in increasingly disturbed ways. Blood-Bathers believe that through these rituals, they can gain the powers and youthfulness that the Earth Mother does. However, top theologians of the Community have established that these rituals, done with either none, or an insignificant amount, of the devotion which the Earth Mother has, are functionally meaningless. This is barring a limited few, who, through what can only be described as either miracle or luck, have achieved furthered states of being. These include Josef of Kyiv, The Blood-Soaked One in Eden, and the Vampire king of Transylvania.

Current Standing

Despite the perversion existing amongst the highest tiers of Edenites, it has been unable to emerge beyond the precious few who engage in it. Either due to its lack of proven efficacy, or its deranged nature, Blood-Bathing has not grown in the Garden, and sparsely any new converts from Poland and Belarus have been drawn to it. As such, it is believed that the perversion may be dying a slow death of its own.
Recent surveillance of Blood-Bather ritual sites has shown that while some are able to gather the necessary human blood for the rituals, increasingly few are able to do so in significant quantities. This has led to some incredibly disturbing reports across the Garden, suggesting that desperate Blood-Bathers have begun utilising both animal and even synthetic blood in their rituals. While nothing disastrous has come of these botched rituals as of yet, theologians believe that they are facsimiles of the same rituals which brought down Eden in the ancient times. As such, any Blood-Bathers engaging in these unholy rituals must be immediately terminated, lest they transform themselves into something evil and twisted.
While I have just stated that the perversion may be dying its own death, this has and can be helped along. The recent destruction of the Vampire King of Transylvania has essentially removed the Blood-Bather stain from that region, and as such violent solutions have been presented as the most effective cure. Possible operations against other known Blood-Bather cells are being investigated, and as such, while the perversion does represent somewhat of a threat to the Garden, I would consider it contained for the time being.
Kr̥snós

The Mu Fanatics

% Of Population

2%

Overview

An exclusively theologically perversion, those who fit under the Mu Fanatics banner are heretics of the largest extreme. Mostly rural worshippers, the Mu Fanatics believe that humanity was born out of the sunken continent Mu , which was lost in a great war against the Atlanteans and the Lemurians. This belief is inherently heretical to the Community, as the Bible of the Earth Mother states that humanity’s first home was Eden. While they do not diverge elsewhere, this one belief is enough to see them established as a perversion.

Current Standing

Though in Report 58, the Mu Fanatics were labelled as having minimal threat to the Garden, recent events have seen such a label revised. While only extant in the two major clusters, one bound by Chernivtsi, Iasi, the Synevyr National Park, and the Parcul Natural parks, and the other reaching south to Chisinau and Tiraspol and as north as Yampil, their hold in these areas has become somewhat worrying. Specifically, reports have shown that Community Leaders throughout these regions have recently been infected by the perversion, and have started preaching this heresy. While this has not seen a spread of the perversion anywhere else in the Garden, it is not impossible that, having become more centralised, the perversion spreads. As such, I have recommended the Mu Fanatics be considered on the same level as the Roman Catholics and Russian Orthodox remainders, and scheduled them for intensive conversion.

The Cult of the Space Mother

% Of Population

9%

Overview

Similar to the Mu Fanatics, but far less divisive, the Cult of the Space Mother is a heresy and a growing one at that. Founded on the basis of a single line in the BEM's Genesis 1:28, "And on the seventh day, the Earth Mother traveled, and spread life and light across the universe", the Cult believes that not only is this proof of alien lifeforms, but that the Earth Mother is their God also. Some more extreme members of this perversion have gone so far as to state that this means the Earth Mother herself is an alien lifeform, but these are few and far between. Many of those infected with the perversion have become absolute in the idea that Eden must become a space-based power, and facilitate humanity's first contact with aliens, while others are adamant that aliens are already extant in the Garden and are worshipping in secret until the Earth Mother tells them they can come out from hiding.

Current Standing

The Expansion has caused this perversion to grow significantly. Originally centered in the Donbas region, the perversion was perhaps even more enticing to the Belrussian converts than the Community was. As such, the Cult is apparent all throughout that region, specifically in the areas which used to be known as the Vitebsk Oblast, the Mogilev Oblast, the Gomel Oblast, and the Minsk Oblast. Despite its large and growing presence, I have not seen it fit to designate the Cult as anything above a minimal threat level. The reason for this is twofold, firstly, the Cult's theological differences are reconcilable with mainstream Community beliefs (ignoring the more extreme side of the Cult). And secondly, it may be that adopting the Cult's beliefs will be beneficial to the Garden, giving us a significant push towards the Space Sector, which is woefully lacking. Whatever the case, I recommend little more than watching the perversion over time, and perhaps co-opting it in the future.
Kr̥snós

The Camp Followers of the Children/Warriors

% Of Population

4%

Overview

Simply put, the Camp Followers are a very straightforward perversion. They are those in the Garden who have stepped out of their normal lives to become camp followers of the Children and the Warriors. They represent the cooks, cleaners, entertainers, builders, and prostitutes of the Warrior and Children camps, to include but a few of their roles. Having devoted their lives entirely to the Children and Warriors, they are entirely destitute, living off whatever they can earn from these groups. Perhaps most worrying is the manner of their belief. While having no theological differences, they remained entirely devoted to their military masters, as opposed to the Earth Mother. As I mentioned in Report 58, these Followers have laid down their lives for Warriors and Children in the past, while also passing of their own kids to join either group if possible. With the development of the Brood, I would state that every single Camp Follower is also a Brood member.

Current Standing

Anywhere where Eden's military exists, it is likely you will find Camp Followers. While the Expansion did not alter their numbers significantly one way or the other, a recent change to the perversion has been noted. Members of the perversion have been identified with devoting themselves to a specific Warrior or Child, rather than these groups as a whole. While this is not an issue at the current moment, as these singular devotions have occurred on quite a small scale, if it is to become a trend it may be cause for concern. More specifically, should a Warrior or Child gather enough Camp Followers, they gain significant influence over the military units which they are attached to. In addition, Eden theologians believe that enough devotion to a singular source could result in a GʷerH-Kwen-Tos (Proto-Indo-European for 'Holy Elevation'), perhaps ascending such an individual to the status of a Demigod. Should this even seem a risk, violent means have been deemed acceptable against not only the individual but also their Followers.
The Followers have also shown themselves as an overall threat to society in another manner. Report 58 noted clashes between them and the Dryads near the Danube Delta, and while these are ongoing, the Expansion has presented another pressing matter. While this has been sparsely reported, any interaction between the Followers and the Remnants has ended in bloodshed. It is difficult to ascertain why at this current moment, but whatever the case, such an issue is completely unacceptable. The Remnants will be working alongside the Warriors and Children, and as such, bloodshed cannot be the norm. I have discussed this issue at length with Pleistoros, and the solution to this issue will be established in his report. Suffice it to say, should peaceful reconciliation be off the table, violence remains the option.
Kr̥snós

The Dryads

% Of Population

5%

Overview

The Dryads are another straightforward perversion, being the most extreme of the Earth Mother's Community. Amongst all, they believe all life, even non-social insects are sacred and that the only way to truly devote oneself to the Earth Mother is through a direct connection. As mentioned in Report 58, those practicing Dryadism are degenerates, undertaking permanent nudism, unnatural relations with animals and plants, and rituals which have no place in the Community's theology. Furthermore, Dryads do not live in normal housing, only existing throughout shelter which has been overtaken by plants, or in temporary shelters made without harm. This perversion is almost entirely based around the Dnieper, Danube, and Olt rivers and near-daily reports come in regarding the deaths of those infected by it from frostbite, animal injuries, and exposure.

Current Standing

The Dryads are a declining perversion in my eyes. They have not shown any ability to spread north, and their numbers dwindle every day. Despite this, they do remain a threat. Should a group of them get it in their minds, they could easily cause a diplomatic incident with the Second Roman Republic, which could quickly escalate. As previously mentioned, they often clash with the Followers due to the way both differ significantly in their lifestyles, though measures are being undertaken to rectify this. The most worrying news is quite new. Due to this apparent decline, reports have begun filtering in stating that Dryads have started massing along the more rural areas of the Dnieper. Even fewer reports say why, but those that do suggest that they are gathering under an individual known as the Gʰel-Gʰreh or Green-Grower. What this individuals goal is and who they really are remains a mystery, and far more work must be done. Tentatively, if this gathering becomes significant in size, I would recommend death to all.
Kr̥snós

Chernobyl Adherents

% Of Population

<0.001%

Overview

Living entirely in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone, those infected with this perversion are beyond lost to humanity. They have been whispered to by the temptress of radiation, and have exposed themselves to its light. They believe, quite wrongly, that the Elephants Foot which lies deep within Chernobyl is a gift and a challenge from the Earth Mother, and willfully expose themselves to it for unknown periods of time. This demented ritual eventually kills most of them, however, reports mention others who have been mutated beyond recognition. Led by the supposed Radiation Emperor (who I am not convinced is not also the Green-Grower), these mutations have come to be known as Cyclopes and Hundred-Handed Men, amongst many other names. Sightings of these mutated individuals are woefully low, as the vast majority who have seen them are kidnapped Edenites forcefully exposed to the Elephants Foot, which nearly always has lead to their death.

Current Standing

I'm afraid I have little to say here. The Expansion seemingly allowed these Adherents to expand northward, yet no reports of such a phenomenon have come across my desk. Attempting to get Children or Warriors in there seems a hopeless task, and the levels of radiation have increased recently, meaning even machines have difficulty looking into the zone. Such an increase is terrifying in its own right, as it suggests something more... sinister might be occurring amongst the Adherents, but what this is, I cannot say. While it is obvious that lethal force is on the table, for this perversion I would suggest Contingency 3a to ensure its complete and utter destruction.
Kr̥snós

The Remnants

% Of Population

0.01%

Overview

Copied from The Report on the Expansion of Eden: "Though the Commonwealth Army who joined Eden quickly threw off their chains and began dedicated members of the Community, such a quick large-scale conversion never could be perfect. Many of these converts have joined a perversion known as the Remnants, and while it is early days, their main differences stem from the fact that they are dedicated to the idea of the Eastern European State. While this may initially seem harmless, it means that they put the Earth Mother below Eden, and as such may be liable to cause issue if they believe the state is being put at risk for the wants of the faith. Though, this does mean that they are as dedicated as any military unit to Eden. The Remnants are also incredibly anti-Alfr, to the extent that it may be unwise to station them on the border with any Alfr state. In addition, while these reports are incredibly recent, a small number of Remnants have been found to clash with Community soldiers, especially those who either are Children or Warriors, or who are part of the Camp Follower Perversion. All of this is to say, if the Remnants are not kept in check, they could represent a fracturing force which may destroy Eden"

Current Standing

The Remnants have shown that they are more than willing to kill those they come into disagreement with (as mentioned above with the Camp Followers). This is dangerous. They are also too valuable to destroy in any fashion, being a major part of Eden's armed forces. This makes them a lethal danger to the Garden. As such, I must recommend a new stratagem, the uniting of the concept of the Community with that of a United Eastern European State. This will placate the Remnants, but it must be done well. I will note that these Remnants are a minority of the converted Russian Armed Forces, and seem to work well alongside Eden's normal military as well as the Children and Warriors. It is only with the Camp Followers, and perhaps the Brood, where significant issues arise. But we cannot let these issues continue. Resolution must occur.

The Messianics

% Of Population

18%

Overview

The Messianics seem to have taken Pagan-Christian syncretism to the nth degree. They believe that while the Earth Mother is the true creator, Jesus is also real, as well as being the Earth Mother’s son and the first messiah. While their other beliefs align with the mainstream Community's, they believe that a second messiah is forthcoming, and while this was originally Pleistoros or Iohannis, recent news has changed this.

Current Standing

With news of the Earth Mother's pregnancy, the Messianic perversion has begun to explode in popularity. Many in the Garden believe that her child is the unborn Messiah, who will lead Eden to a new age of global dominance and have begun to devote themselves to this child as well. This can only be a good thing, however, there are many Messianics who remain stalwart in their belief that either Pleistoros or Iohannis is the true Messiah. If, after the Earth Mother's pregnancy ends, this does not change, these individuals must be removed, violently if required. A fractured belief in who the true Messiah is can only end in disunity and death.

Roman Catholics/ Russian Orthodox

% Of Population

22%

Overview

Copied from The Report on the Expansion of Eden: While not what we normally think when it comes to perversions, the recent expansion means that the Christian faith exists once more in Eden. Consisting largely in urban Belarus and rural Poland, the Christian faiths represent a heresy more than anything else. Intensive efforts are already occurring as to convert all who remain Christian, but lethal force is on the table should any holdout cities, towns, or villages not take to the Community. If they wish to meet their Lord so much, may their blood feed our Earth Mother.

Current Standing

There is not much to say here. Holdouts are centered around Western Belarus and Urban Poland, with conversion ongoing. Due to some of the more stalwart nature of these holdouts, I am activating intensive conversion measures, which should rapidly ensure conversion or removal of the stragglers.

The Divisions of Eden

Geographic divisions in the era of the Hyperstate were a useful, if limited, tool of government. Post-Hyperstate era, these divisions have outlived their usefulness, and must be reconsidered on a state-by-state basis. As such, the following part of this report will denote the new Socio-Cultural and Religious divisions of Eden. Split in twine, they will identify a person based on their cultural and religious assimilation into the Garden, as noted below.

Religious Divisions

The Religious Divisions of Eden essentially identify an individual’s assimilation into the Community, and furthermore their status as a practicing member if they are a part of it.

RD1:

Members in the Community who are RD1 or Religious Division 1 are known as the Garden’s (S)péḱers or Keepers. They retain the central Community churches in various regions and oversee the lesser leaders of the Community. Only individuals who are also SCD1 can be considered RD1 as well, and as such, these roles are exclusive to Proto-Indo-Europeans. RD1 members are able to contribute to theological and religious discussions within the Garden, and are expected to know how they should participate.

RD2:

Edenites who are considered RD2 are understood as the basic Community leaders. These can be the priests of Community centres/churches, or the leaders of Community outreach services. This position is open to those in the Garden who are SCD1 to SCD3, as RD2 individuals are expected to assist with cultural assimilation alongside religious assimilation. This is the level where ritual participation goes beyond simply chanting without knowing. These individuals know of blood rituals and some of the true nature of the Earth Mother.

RD3:

RD3 members of the Community are those Edenites who are active participants in their local Community church/centre. They attend all services if possible, and participate in the rituals which they are allowed. While RD3 members do not know the truth of Eden, they are first in line to be educated should vacancies in the higher tiers arrive. The vast majority of those in the Garden fit into the RD3 tier.

RD4:

Those in RD4 are practicing members of the Community, who may either be less active or hold somewhat negative beliefs. Members of the Space Mother and Messianic perversions are limited to this division due to their warped beliefs, and as such lose the privilege of engaging in rituals. RD4 members are not subject to widespread surveillance, but are kept under watch in case they seem to be at risk of falling prey to worse perversions.

RD5:

RD5 is the first of the prohibitive tiers. Those in the Garden who belong to their division include members of the Community who are found to be lacking in their faith or practice, or who are part of the prohibitive perversions. These perversions include the members of the Remnants, the Camp Followers, the Dryads, and the Mu Fanatics. Information is withheld from these individuals as much as possible unless active conversion is being undertaken for their specific part of the division, in which case effort will be made to uplift them to RD3.

RD6:

Any individual in RD6 is essentially a non-member of the Community. These include passive non-members such as Catholics, or members of perversions such as the Blood-Bathers and Chernobyl Adherents. Anyone in RD6 will constantly be expected to undergo conversion, and should they not see an uplift to atleast RD5 within a year, they will be positioned in RD7. RD6 prohibits those in the Garden from engaging in many activities, though they will be treated with similar rights as those above them.

RD7:

Those labelled as RD7 are either holdout heretics or members of perversions deemed to be active risks to the Garden. Anyone labelled with RD7 is scheduled for a violent conversion or destruction dependant on orders.

Socio-Cultural Divisions

These divisions identify an individual’s socio-cultural assimilation into the Garden and their restrictions based on that level of assimilation. It is a very simple list, going from Proto-Indo-Europeans all the way until the non-Pontics.

SCD1:

SCD1 or Socio-Cultural Division 1 is specifically for the Proto-Indo-Europeans of the Garden. These are the members of Eden’s society who have assimilated into perhaps the perfect Edenite, and are considered essentially the same as the original inhabitants of Eden. Those identifying as SCD1 have no restrictions on their movement and their expression of self, and though they are expected to be active members of the Community (RD3), they are not required to be anything but practicing (RD4). Members of the Warrior and Children belong here too, even if they are not specifically P.I.E.

SCD2:

Those in SCD2 are the individuals who have fully assimilated into the Pontic culture and ethnicity. Utilising the Pontic language and culture, they are amongst the majority of the individuals in the Garden. Some of these may be close to uplifting to SCD1. Members of SCD2 can enter the RD2 division and are expected to stay within the RD3 division at all times. Those who keep to these divisions will never be met with trouble in the Garden. Those in Eden’s military force are considered to be in this division, no matter their true culture.

SCD3:

SCD3 are those who identify as Pontic but whom are lacking in some area of their culture, society, and ethnicity. Despite their lacking nature, they can still reach the RD2 and are expected to maintain RD3. Through this, they retain full citizenship, but may find issues when their flaws are exposed. The vast majority of Edenites are labelled as SCD3.

SCD4:

Members of the Garden in SCD4 are those who have not been assimilated into the Pontic Culture but have shown good faith efforts to do so. They also include Romanians or Ukrainians who still exist but have shown that they are active members of the Community and otherwise may as well be considered Pontic. Due to their lack of Pontic Culture, they will find some opportunities missing, such as only being able to reach RD3 with great effort and never reaching RD2.

SCD5:

The lowest division of society and culture in the garden, those in SCD5 are the non-Pontics who show no engagement with the culture or Community, or worse, actively work against it. Individuals labelled as SCD5 must quickly assimilate, or risk worsening conditions. Those found working against the Pontic culture are considered perfect candidates for Blood Rituals.

Conversion across the Garden

The final part of this report will be brief, but explore how conversion should be undertaken throughout the Garden. There are three styles of conversion, Individual-Based, Community-Based, or Division-Based, with three intensities ranging from Passive to Active to Intensive. Individual-Based conversion simply sees specific persons targeted for uplifting, with this generally left up to the will of RD2 and RD1 members. Community-Based conversion occurs when entire neighbourhoods or towns are identified in need of conversion or uplifting, to be decided by either those in RD1 or myself and the Earth Mother. Finally, Division-Based conversion is for parts of, or entire divisions, and can only be undertaken on the word of myself or the God Mother.
Meanwhile, the levels of intensities are quite simple. Passive conversion simply seeks to encourage conversion through attending church/Community sermons, while Active conversion seeks to engage with every part of a person’s life. All Ads a person sees will engage with the Community in some manner, and the target will be constantly bombarded with pro-Community messages, alongside continual interactions with members of the Community. Intensive Conversion takes this to the extreme. Utilising ‘conversion booths’, individuals undergoing Intensive Conversion will be taken to Community Centres through the use of ads inlaid with subconscious controls. Once at the conversion booths, psychedelic drugs alongside violent and obscene imagery and noises are used to break a subject’s mind, before they are forcibly converted to the Community. Should initial conversion fail, this will be tried again and again until the individual accepts Eden or dies.

Conclusion

Though it may seem through this that the Garden is more divided than ever, it is only through our unity that these divisions can persist. The vast majority of Edenites exist within the mainstream or close enough, with only a select few engaging in truly troubling perversions. For the future, this report will serve as a guide to Eden’s internal affairs, and should be engaged with as decisions are made in regards to both individuals and divisions as a whole.

CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL CONFIDENTIAL

Cannibal had made up his mind a few moves ago: If this kid doesn't swing this chair, doesn't absolutely fuckin' nail me, then he's getting taxed, and big time.
The kid's name is Rob Small, and he's supposedly some hot-shot rookie fresh out of the local school. But Cannibal doesn't get it. Everything about the kid bugs him, right down to the name. The sport lost something when people stopped calling themselves ridiculous things, like 'The Big' this, or 'Ultimate' that.
And besides, it's a dirty trick. It's too easy, just like everything the new kids are doing. It's almost too real. And the audience doesn't want real. They only think they do. Cannibal knows this better than just about anyone.
Cannibal feels that he's been carrying them both since the bell. Again, it's this new, soft shit. Flipping, and posing, and nobody wants a single scratch on their pretty mugs. The word fake doesn't exist in this business, but as Rob winds up for another one of his little tricks, all flare, no impact, you can kind of see where people get that idea.
Cannibal takes a knee, then another, but wide, because that's how you take a real hit. Rob pulls the chair back.
"Don't fuck this up," Cannibal says.
The blade of the chair just grazes Cannibal's eyebrow, opening two inches of scar tissue, and perforation.
This is good. Unintentional, but good.
The crowd isn't theirs yet, but the stream of blood pulls a few people forward and gets them almost leaning into the next row down.
The blood is good, no doubt about it. But the sound of skull on steel would've lit them on fire, and that's just science.
Rob moves to the ropes, taking a squeaky-clean moment to acknowledge the crowd. He waves his arms around like he's leading a marching band or something, and it "earns" him a small pop of recognition.
Here's the problem- there's no story here. No tale of the tape. Just some rookie nobody cares about, and an aging prick that people care even less about. This is when every move is supposed to count. Not just every move, but every transition, every facial expression too. The kid's athletic, sure. But so is everybody. He doesn't have the rhythm yet, and his nose is too straight. And Cannibal is tired of carrying this match.
Cannibal starts back on his feet, quickly, counter-intuitively, like a jump scare. The kid's finally connecting with the crowd now, lifting the chair like some intramural trophy. But it's too little, too late, and Cannibal sees his opportunity.
First Cannibal snatches the chair, up, and behind Rob, then steadies his giant, calloused fingers with a well-timed exhale. He whirls Rob around, ready or not, and drives the lip of the chair into the liver side of his waist, which folds him directly in two. The crowd chatters a bit, but he isn't finished.
Cannibal throws the chair less than a foot away, then sets up the move that's going to win the crowd.
He didn't invent the move, not even close. It's not even particularly uncommon. But he made his name off this move. Here's some wisdom from the old school: There are precious few people who make money from this business by looking good. And if you can't look good, you need to look vicious.
Cannibal hooks his arms under Rob's armpits, then wrenches both arms so violently that the triceps almost touch. Operating on pure panic, and instinct, Rob's legs unwind, independently searching for a better position, but never finding it.
"Hey, easy up there," Rob says from somewhere near Cannibal's midsection, but he may as well be speaking to the mat now.
Cannibal wrenches Rob's arms again, but this time the triceps touch for one moment of searing pain. He does this half for show, and half as a warning to keep quiet during his finisher. He looks out at the crowd, and their features form for the first time since he entered the arena. Before then, they were nothing, just a wallpaper pattern of merch, and facial hair. There's a difference between the individual faces in the first row, and the voice that fills the venue, and guides your match.
A single fan can be wrong, but a crowd never is.
But Cannibal takes some of that power back now, and he's staring at the crowd, the entity, right in the face, starting with the first row.
The first few faces that he locks eyes with are rabid, their eyes wild with anticipation. They're gesticulating wildly, like they can't believe, or can't wait for what's coming next. The next face is a little boy who shies away and looks at his dad for help. He scans about a seating section and a half, screaming spittle-seasoned insults along the way.
Mid-taunt, before anybody can count it off, Cannibal hits his finisher, The Flesh Eater.
Cannibal pushes off the toes of his boots, about a foot into the air, bringing Rob's craned arms with him. That's why you really need to wrench. With Rob feeling real pain at each arm's socket, he has no choice but to sell. At the height of his jump, Cannibal shoots his legs straight out in a wide V, unclenching his ass for a nice, cushioned landing.
Rob's face hits the chair a microsecond before Cannibal's legs, and underside absorb the remainder of the blow. It's enough to make the aluminum ring out into the high warehouse ceiling and put a pretty little face-sized dent in the seat.
The crowd reacts with screams, with horror, with finally, some fucking emotion.
Cannibal climbs to his feet, while the lights flick on-and-off, on-and-off in Rob's eyes. Rob props himself on his palms, and knees, finding the floor he wasn't even looking for.
But he loses it again with a big, booted punt to the ribs. The crowd boos now from every direction.
This is good. It means that right now, they hate Cannibal. It means that when they go home, they'll remember how much they hated him. It means that he did his job.
Cannibal takes a victory lap around the ring while Rob writhes in presumably authentic agony. Cannibal leans over the top rope, pointing at the front row again, dissolving the boundary between them. He's screaming at a fan. He may even be screaming at one hundred fans when he notices a face that shouldn't be in attendance.
Was it section B? He looks over but can't find the face anymore.
He darts his eyes wildly, unfocusing them so that the crowd transforms into nothing but eyebrows, and merch, approval, and disgust.
He glances back toward Section B, right around where he thinks he saw the face, right as Rob crawls from behind, hooks his leg, and rolls him into a three count.
Both men roll onto their backs; Rob, because the pain from his neck, down to his waist puts him there. Cannibal, because he's defeated and confused.
Had he really seen that face? He knows he hadn't. One, because that would make no sense. And two, because, and he only saw it for a second, but the face was significantly younger than it should have been. About 20 years younger. Which would put it right around a time that he doesn't think, or speak about. Cannibal decides that he didn't see the face after all. He doesn't believe in ghosts. Especially not ghosts that haven't even died.
***
Cannibal collects his pay, and the doc plugs up his gash, in that order. He's got a show in a bigger market tomorrow, so the butterfly stitches just need to hold until then.
He unlaces his boots in the parking lot, then trades them for some once-white Adidas from the back seat of his gray Toyota Camry. Then he thinks about the ghost again. The one that he didn't see, the one that isn't even dead as far as he knows.
He stands still in his untied sneakers and thumbs a few reps through his social pages. If he had died, the news would have picked it up by now. An old friend would have even messaged,
"Here if you need to talk." Or, "It's not your fault"
Something like that, anyway. But Cannibal doesn't see anything, no messages, neither of their names gracing, or disgracing any headlines. And besides, that doesn't exactly solve the issue at hand. Maybe the kids are right, he thinks. I've officially taken too many blows to the skull.
For twenty years, Cannibal has always driven to the next city, or the next stop on the road, the night prior. Tonight, he checks into the nearest hotel/rest stop that connects to the main road. It's only about a four-hour drive, three if he can avoid traffic, and the need to piss. He doesn't even need to check into the venue until 5 pm. That's ample time, he decides for the first time in his career.
"I just need a bed and a shower", Cannibal tells the night clerk, a pimply boy who has deepened his voice since the exchange intensified.
He's the only employee, except for a few maids pushing yellow baskets around the parking lot, and a few unofficially affiliated girls prowling around from the local skin bar.
The boy wants to avoid a hassle. He knows that the nearest signs of life are the old warehouse a few exits down, and the sheriff's office even further.
"I'm sorry sir," he begins, and he's really using diaphragm now, speaking to the back of the house, "But all's we got left tonight is the honeymoon suite."
"So it's $30 extra for a dirty mirror on the ceiling, and a vase full of plastic fuckin' roses?"
The clerk winces at the swear, then gleams over Cannibal's right shoulder into the mostly empty parking lot. Cannibal gives the kid his best mean mug, the same one that he'd shoot toward a new opponent or a crowd that hates his guts. The quiet moment lingers, and then, wouldn't you guess it, just like that, thirty dollars gets shaved off the tab.
Cannibal tosses his duffel onto the frilly red sheets, then rolls off his sneakers as his reflections oblige in both the ceiling and wall-length mirrors. He sits on the bed, then wiggles his toes a bit generating a sound like gravel crunching in a driveway. He wants to get up and shower off some of the dried blood that's clotted his hair to his face, but the world rocks, and spins, and he lays down and falls asleep without even killing the bedside lamp.
He can't remember the ramp, the fans, or the bell. He can't remember the promos, or what angle he's supposed to be taking. But judging from the dark cherry splatted canvas, and the ringing in ears, it's been a fuckin' barn-burner so far. He looks directly ahead, at the high, pipe-laden ceiling, and realizes he's on his back. A boot lands next to his head, then another. Maybe it's the high-intensity discharge lights that are stinging his eyes, maybe he's still rattled from whatever move put him on his ass, but as his opponent steps over him, he can't seem at all to make out their face.
Whoever his opponent is, he begins to pick him up by the hair, and that's when Cannibal notices that the abstract art on the mat has mostly come from the back of his head. Drops of blood race down his opponents wrists, and pool near his elbows. Cannibal is bent over looking down at the mat, at his opponent's standard-issue black boots, and at the fresh coat of bright red, which will soon dry darker.
His opponent cranks his arms clumsily but with intensity. He can feel his blood greasing his opponent's grip, not allowing for any real traction. Then his opponent's knees square up, then bend, and Cannibal realizes. "Hey, that's my fucking move!" he says, or tries to say, but his opponent's airborne, and then so is he.
Usually, there's a nice thud when you hit the mat, but not this time. This time it sounds more like a series of wet pops, like cracking your knuckles underwater. Cannibal tries to roll over and assess the situation. Then he tries to roll over again.
Oh. Shit.
He's face down on the mat, and he intuits, rather than feels his opponent hurry off him, and in that same foggy way, he can feel the crowd. The beast with one thousand eyes is silent, but it isn't bored. It's murmuring, but with a sort of upward inflection, like it's asking him a question can't answer. Now a referee rolls him over. Cannibal awakens in a panic and tries to jump out of bed, away from the red sheets, but his body is uncooperative. His head lolls at an unnatural angle toward the mirrored wall. He can move his eyes, but nothing else.
He wants to scream for the pimply-faced boy or one of the night girls, but nothing comes out of his mouth. He can see his reflection, the collapsed muscles in his face, and the pool of spit that's collected on the pillow by his ear. The parts of the bed directly under him appear a darker red than the rest of the sheets. His eyes roll wildly and take in different parts of the same wall that he's frozen on. He can barely feel his breathing, but he knows that it's sporadic and shallow. He keeps rolling his eyes, searching for a modicum of control over his own body. And that's when he sees him again.
The ceiling mirror casts its reflection into its wall counterpart, and with the furthest strain of his eyeball muscles, Cannibal can just barely recognize him. He's a little older than he looked in the crowd earlier, but it's unmistakable this time. Fucking ghosts. Ghosts who aren't even dead yet. From somewhere behind his eyes Cannibal feels the onset of rage.
His eyes blink involuntarily, and a well of tears are pushed, and guided down into the spit-soaked pillow. He imagines himself rocking forward and tries to send this signal to a part of his body that doesn't exist. He imagines it again. He tries to kick a leg, throw an elbow, he'll settle for anything. He sends that signal in random intervals like he's trying to surprise his own faculties. He "throws" another elbow.
Except this time his arm releases from his side and soars out in front of him. His body follows, and he feels a vile concoction of fear, and relief as he falls off the bed, with arms and legs too weak to break his fall. He narrowly avoids contact with the corner of the nightstand and lands with a thud on the carpeted floor. He wiggles his toes, and the sound of tires on gravel rings out into nothing. ***
After regaining some strength, Cannibal uses his recently renewed limb strength to tear through every creak, and crack of the hotel room. He finds nobody in the room, nobody in the mirrors, just himself and his aching fucking cranium. Exhausted, but no longer tired, Cannibal grabs his duffel and checks out of the hotel room by tossing his key in the general direction of the unsuspecting clerk. He tears his car door open, then drives off with only half a plan in mind.
The morning sun breaks as Cannibal pulls up to a red light, and re-reads his early morning text to the promoter, 'Can't make it tonight. I'll make it up to you somehow.'
He's never backed out of a show before, and he knows that he'll have to confront that fact soon, but right now, it doesn't seem to matter. He needs to see him. He cobbles his route out of headlines and news stories that he manages to search up between red lights and stop signs.
Where are they now? 6 Wrestlers Whose Careers Ended In Tragedy The Real Story of Ernie "The Eagle" Samson Former World Champion Contender in Hospice After 20-Year Battle
Cannibals mind races as single sentences fire out at him like shrapnel. He scrolls past his own names, both gimmick and government a few times over. He feels the rage, and tears form behind his eyes again.
You weren't the only one that lost your legacy that day, you prick.
After twenty years he knows these roads well. Well enough to cruise over to the hospice unassisted by a map, or GPS. He acknowledges his thoughts as his motions become routine.
Ernie Samson was poised to be the next big thing back before all the wrestling territories got swallowed up by the Big Guy in the corporate machine. He was a handsome bastard, and a city man with the strength of a farm boy. He could talk fear into the crowd without raising his voice, and he pulled women who didn't know and didn't care what he did for a nightly living. Cannibal hated him, but in a brotherly way that was steeped in admiration. Even in those times, Cannibal was more brutish and uglier than everyone in the locker room. It was a stroke of momentary genius when some otherwise dipshit promoter first suggested that they pair up. Some sort of beauty and brawn type gimmick. The monster and his mouthpiece.
And you know what? It worked. People ate that shit right up. Cannibal chewed through his opponents with ferocity, while Ernie dazzled the crowd with his mixture of strong style, flips, and tricks. They melted the imaginary territory perimeters and became shooting stars in every market they played. Men paid off their tabs at the bar, and Ernie was gracious enough to send some trim Cannibal's way every now and again. It was a nice system, comfortable even.
Then that dipshit promoter had another bright idea. The team was ready to break up.
The way he described it, they'd take all that heat they had amassed together, and cover double the ground. This storyline was a natural, mostly because it was real. What the promoter was saying, in his dickhead way, was that Cannibal had served his purpose. He'd put the real star in place for his meteoric rise. Cannibal looked at where his career was, and how far it had come, and he agreed. They'd go out in one final bloodbath of a match, and defeat their current rivals, The Maniacs. Then Cannibal would attack Ernie, severing their ties, and launching their individual careers. Cut, dry.
Right up until the end, that match stands in Cannibal's memory as his finest work. If he'd been vicious before, he was rabid in this match. The hits were real, the emotions were high, and the crowd invested in every last pectoral twitch. After nearly half an hour of slogging and bruising, Cannibal hit his finisher and covered his opponent to the tune of twenty-something-thousand screaming fans. As the three-count fell, the crowd hit a decibel that he'd never heard before. They were screaming so loud, that it almost dampened in volume, and became a whisper in his ears.
The Maniacs had done their jobs well, bloodying and bruising Cannibal and Ernie for a gruesome glamor shot that would make the following day's paper. That image, of Ernie raising Cannibal's arm before the inevitable turn, would haunt almost every article written about either of them from that day forward.
Soaked in the moment, and each other's blood, Ernie hoisted Cannibal's arm, and they spun the ring, facing every single fan in attendance. Normally you'd wait for a break in the volume before the next big moment, but this crowd had no intention of quieting down. They faced each other, and Ernie mouthed the words.
"You ready?"
To this day Cannibal doesn't exactly know what went wrong. First, he felt sadness. Then he felt anger. He realized that the cheers wouldn't end for Ernie, but there was a very real possibility that this was his own last big pop. He went ahead as planned. First with an absolutely brutal kick to the midsection, which softened Ernie's abs into dough. Ernie let out a real, dry cough as the crowd's cheers morphed into shock and confusion. Then he cranked his arms, clumsily, but with intensity. Ernie's arms were slick with blood, and Cannibal couldn't sink in his hooks correctly. His legs shot out gracelessly, and rather than hearing the cushioned thud of his own ass, all he heard was a sick, wet pop.
Cannibal notes that he is about one exit from the hospice, and shakes his head vigorously as if to erase his thoughts. The exit approaches, and he cuts in deftly. He is immediately greeted by a green, bustling town, in a decent Midwestern neighborhood.
He cruises toward the hospice, passing a few young couples, and their church-clothed children. Bells chime nearby, and a dog emits a medium-sized bark from a nearby public park.
Cannibal glances in his rear-view as he changes lanes. Ernie is seated behind the middle console, smirking, but with no joy in his eyes. Cannibal tries to scream, but can't.
With the wheel slightly angled for his turn, Cannibal cruises subtly across lanes, onto the sidewalk, then into the park.
The first few couples dive out of the way with synchronized, but inharmonious shrieks. A young man pushes his wife and child to the ground, and the driver's side front wheel crunches, and shatters his ankle. The next few people aren't so lucky.
A group of friends sprawled across a picnic blanket snap around toward the source of the commotion just in time to greet the Toyota Camry's fender. Cannibal's eyes dart between his windshield and the rearview where Ernie sits smirking. He sees a young woman snatched from his sight line and hears a gunshot of a pop as the back of her skull smacks against some concrete. Tears roll down Cannibal's face as he wills his arms, legs, or fucking anything to move. The litter of bodies test the car's shocks, as the wheels find their way over strange terrains of bone and flesh. Then, a street lamp.
Cannibal's forehead smacks against his wheel a millisecond before the airbags deploy. He flinches, and his arms twitch as the bag chafes his nose and brow. He has regained control of his movement, if only slightly. He kicks open the door but does not face the trail of mayhem that succumbed to his vehicle. Instead, he realizes that he is just one block away from the hospice. With the remaining screams a comfortable distance behind him, he half runs, half stumbles to the reception desk.
People react to Cannibal's arrival with appropriate confusion and terror. The butterfly stitches have ceased to hold, and a rigid pattern of blood trails him as he staggers across the linoleum tile.
"Sir, do you need help?"
"Samson. I need Ernie fucking Samson."
He peers over the desk and sees a directory of sorts, like a cheat sheet of hospice patients, and their assigned rooms. He leaks blood from his brow over the counter, and onto the sheet, and the seated receptionist recoils with disgust as he snatches and reads it.
Ernie Samson 211
Cannibal marches now on sturdy feet to the nearest stairwell. A small security guard attempts to stand in his way, but Cannibal dwarfs his face with his gigantic palm, and smashes it into the drywall behind him, eliciting a collective gasp from the lobby waiting room. He kicks open the stairwell door and drags himself up the single flight of stairs onto the landing. Then he kicks open the second door.
Nurses gasp and take a step back as he emerges from the stairwell, ferocity emblazoned across his face and written in his scar tissue. He observes the direction in which the numbered rooms flow and stomps toward Room 211.
Half a dozen people are stood outside the room, with hospital staff accounting for only two of them.
"Bradley?" an older woman asks, as Cannibal tears past her, and into the room.
Inside the room is a white sheet spread over a series of lumps on a lightly inclined bed. A young man is seated near the side of the bed where the railing has been temporarily removed. His eyes are bloodshot, and his cheeks are damp.
"Brad, what the fuck is-" he begins to say.
Cannibal lifts his leg and boots the man right off the green cushioned chair. Then he turns to the white lumps and tears the blanket off.
Ernie's face appears as it did in his back seat but without the rigid smirk. The muscles in his face are weak and sag as if they'd collapsed several years before his death. His dull eyes are still open, still staring at Cannibal.
"Ernie, you fucking prick," Cannibal starts, "You fucking prick, you get back here right now! You gonna fuck with me? You gonna fuck with me, Ernie? I fucking made you Ernie! We both fucking died that day!"
A small militia of security guards pour into the room, and it takes every last one of them to restrain Cannibal. He fights, and squirms as the fattest guard sits on the wide of his back, and pulls his arms. Cannibal thrashes and screams like an animal as he is restrained. He bashes his face into the tiled floor, leaving increasingly large spots of blood at the sight of impact. The fat guard applies some pressure to his hold, as small, wet pop emits from Cannibal's back.
There's no story here. No tale of the tape. Just a has-been wrestler in tomorrow's headlines, and a family mourning a loss that begun two decades prior. The crowd of mourners gasp and scream as all the fight leaves Cannibal's body at once. Then a woman breaks into sobs. She used to know Bradley Hughes. The real Cannibal. But nobody wants real.
They only think they do.

I want to start by saying that this will most likely be a long post, so I'm sorry in advance.
To begin, I have always been interested in Greek Mythology from a young age. I did extensive research on it and was constantly talking about it. I was raised in a household where one parent did not believe in Christianity, whereas the other one did, and brought me to church weekly. Long story short, I was 'forcibly' baptized, now I say that loosely because at the time it was something I thought I wanted, but in the back of my head I felt like I was doing it because it was "the right thing to do," and I didn't necessarily actually want to be baptized. From then on, I would lie, making up a bunch of excuses as to why I couldn't go to church, and sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
Then, a few years went by, and my family fell into a huge estrangement from my mom's side of the family. Because of this, we stopped going to church together, and due to this, it had us all questioning out beliefs, at least my mom and I, not sure about my brother. For me, I became "atheist" for many years after this event, because to me, it felt like the 'safest' option. But in the back of my head, I still felt like there was something I believed in, only that I just hadn't found it yet.
Flashforward to about 4-5 months ago. I started my first semester of college in January and signed up for a Classic Mythology class. All the sudden, my love for mythology came back. I started researching it again to refresh my memory, I reread "The Song of Achilles" which is my favorite book of all time, as some would probably guess. I also read the entire textbook before I needed too, once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down, despite the difficult, confusing phrasing.
One day I was browsing through Etsy, and stumbled across a: "Which deity is calling to you?" reading. Safe to say I was intrigued. Now I must say, a few years prior to this I had first started my spiritual journey, and discovered I had a talent for divination, particularly tarot. I joined a group chat and gave a bunch of readings to people across the U.S., and was told by every single person that my readings were accurate, and that many of the things I told them would happen, did. I found a mentor through some friends, because they told their aunt about me, who was psychic, and she took me in. She taught me a bit more about spirituality, but nothing about the Gods. Once again, long story short, this didn't end well. We got into a fight because one day I had been at a fair in my city and met some "psychics" there who read my palm, the continue to not tell me anything besides that I was "cursed." I obviously called bs, told my mentor, and to my disdain, she agreed with them. I was very hurt by this and stopped talking to her. A few months later, she appeared in one of my dreams, so I reached out to her. She said she had been thinking about me as well. At first, I thought this was a good thing. Until she spammed me with a bunch of Catholic preaching videos telling me she had abandoned all of her spiritual practices and converted. I was devastated. I didn't respond, and removed her number from my phone, and that was the end of that. I haven't heard from her since, and I'm also no longer friends with the twins she was the aunt of, so even if I wanted to check in on her, there's no way for me to do so. The point of me mentioning this was to mainly say that because I had once I practiced tarot almost every day, so at first I thought I could give myself my own deity reading. However, I quickly remembered I was out of practice, and I also just wanted someone else's opinion, since I could end up biased.
Anyway, the first reading I bought said that Minerva was reaching out to me. Honestly, I just shrugged this one off. She was correct in the fact that I value the arts, as I was a dancer for 12 years, I'm also a singer and writer. However, I had never felt a connection to her, so I decided to buy another one. This time, I gave the reader a bit more context, and looking back, it might've been too much. I wish I still had the exact message I had written, but I still remember the basics of what I said. I basically told her that I was an out of practice tarot reader, or just out of practice spiritualist in general. I gave a brief recollection of what happened between me and my mentor, and I'm not sure why, because I'm realizing it's not particularly relevant, unless it was and I'm just not remembering why. Now, for the reason of this long post. I mentioned briefly that I had always felt connected to Apollo, and I wasn't sure why. I'm sure I probably said more, like other basic information, but I don't remember.
About a day goes by, and I get the notification that she was done with the reading. I quickly opened it, and was pleasantly shocked by the news. The only thing I really paid attention to was that she had confirmed that indeed, Apollo has been trying to reach out to me. She also said that Aphrodite was trying to as well, but once again, I've never had much of a draw to her so I didn't do much with that. Anyway, she had sent me a document with information about Apollo, and the information I found had been shocking. A bunch of things lined up. I won't go into every single little thing, but one example that has stuck with me was that one of the crystals associated with him is clear quartz, and a few days prior, I had made a clear quartz necklace, that I now wear every day.
After this, a bunch of things seemingly started to line up. I got back into tarot, and I gave my friend a reading. I basically told him he was going to receive a job offer, and not even 2 days later, he texted me saying he received an extremely nice job offer. I then did a reading for myself, and pulled the 4 of swords, a tarot card associated with Apollo. So you get the gist, things started lining up. I felt very hopeful, like I had finally found my path. However, in the back of my head I couldn't shake the feeling that I was insane, and that this was all in my head. This stems back to when I was practicing Christianity, as I had felt the same way. Despite this, I decided I would try and communicate with Apollo thorough meditation. I tried this a few times, and to this day I don't know if I was actually talking to him or not. However, I kept with it, until about a month ago. I basically just almost stopped doing anything, stopped listening to the playlist I had made for him, stopped reading tarot again, just overall stopped practicing anything. I think this was because I got in my head again, and convinced myself that I was making stuff up.
Now, for the last part of this post. I woke up in the middle of the night last night due to me having an extremely vivid dream. Now one thing I must say, for the last few weeks I've been having extremely vivid dreams and when I wake up, I have sleep paralysis. Not sure the meaning behind that, but anyway, in the dream I had been with one of my friends shopping, and we were looking at incense holder figurine type things, and I came across a wall where they were ALL just Apollo. I picked out one that was Apollo and Hyacinthus together. Then, we went to this giant wall of incense, and started picking out some. We checked out, and then I woke up. My question, out of all of this, is... do you think this is Apollo trying to tell me that this isn't all in my head? That he really is watching over me? Now I understand that a lot of the things I do are what he is the god of. Music and dance, divination, poetry, etc. He also presides over the sun, which I feel the need to mention that I'm a Leo, the sign ruled by the Sun, and my big three are all fire signs. This is important because I have a candle dedicated to him on my desk, and every time I light it, the flame is extremely high, like I'm talking a few inches high. If I ask if he's there, to make it flicker, and it does. However, I don't know if the flame is high because of the type of candle, I'm hoping someone can give me some clarification on that. The type of candle I'm using is a giant chime candle, about 10 inches long. I also learned that he's the god of healing, which I found very reassuring. Without getting too much into it, I am mentally ill, and on a lot of meds. After I learned he was the god of healing, I felt a lot better about taking my meds, hoping that one day they'd actually start doing something. I must say, after I started feeling that way, it seems things have improved a little bit.
After all of this, I guess my real question is, after reading this, does it sound like Apollo could be watching over me? Or could be my patron deity? If any of you think so, then I'll definitely look into getting an altar set up and start doing everything I was before. I mainly just want confirmation that everything that has happened isn't just a coincidence, that it's not all in my head. I know that at the end of the day, that belief needs to come from me, but having some support would be really helpful.