Gabepentin giving you chills
Sentence Horror
2014.10.14 00:47 Sentence Horror
Horror stories told in a sentence.
2023.10.08 02:43 tropicalstrawberries isitinfected
Do you think something is infected? Please just NSFW all posts No Meme/Jokes We are NOT medical professionals. Please seek 911/ Emergency if you are experiencing; Fever, vomiting, dizziness, lethargy, growing redness/pain, excessive sweating/chills. Again; we are regular people on Reddit giving advice on how we would also handle your conditon. Please use flairs.
2016.07.25 09:44 chrischengkz Piano Improv is Beautiful
Whether it is a beautiful idea you came up with at home, a chance to jam with strangers on a "Play me, I'm yours" piano, or a creative variation of a well-known tune. Show off your incredible musicality and inspiring creativity, your ability to play by ear and think on the spot by sharing your links and channels with all music-lovers. All genres welcome!
2024.06.02 07:27 impromtuprincess Nightmares
While not a specificly new experience, I find myself growing ever tired of not being able to stop them. Mine aren't the worst anymore... I don't give myself rug burn from ripping my clothes off in my sleep anymore or wake up in a panic. But.... I also really don't want to go to sleep tonight.
My father wasn't the worst... To me... But as a person he was the brand that enjoys violence which I knew from a young age. We don't need to get into those details. You get it. I get it. Anyway. He died 6 years ago.
Over the last year I've had a dream that has this reoccurring theme. My father has some secret buried in concrete (sometimes with a door, sometimes with out... But usually just a slab of concrete with a fence down the middle) and I can't get whatever it is out. In my dreams I've tried everything, anything, nothing but to no avail. And I have no memory of this place irl.
I've asked myself if there really is something subconsciously buried and I have no idea. None. Like... Probably but what it is.... No idea.
I've also asked myself if there is nothing there and this is his last trick cause he's dead and I can't ask him about his secrets anymore. And maybe that's it. He was big on keeping me afraid of him. Using fear as a weapon. And if I opened it up and out came a butterfly I think I would be relieved. But it feels like the opposite is there.
And I KNOW it's crazy to have an anxiety filled dream about a nondescript slab of concrete. It's the weirdest feeling. If I was being chased the anxiety would make more sense but nope just chilling next to it.
Anyway I hope you are getting good sleep. If you also have weird dreams that freak you out for no reason... Maybe you fear chairs or wind chimes.... Share please cause tonight I'm going crazy.
submitted by impromtuprincess to CPTSD [link] [comments]
My father wasn't the worst... To me... But as a person he was the brand that enjoys violence which I knew from a young age. We don't need to get into those details. You get it. I get it. Anyway. He died 6 years ago.
Over the last year I've had a dream that has this reoccurring theme. My father has some secret buried in concrete (sometimes with a door, sometimes with out... But usually just a slab of concrete with a fence down the middle) and I can't get whatever it is out. In my dreams I've tried everything, anything, nothing but to no avail. And I have no memory of this place irl.
I've asked myself if there really is something subconsciously buried and I have no idea. None. Like... Probably but what it is.... No idea.
I've also asked myself if there is nothing there and this is his last trick cause he's dead and I can't ask him about his secrets anymore. And maybe that's it. He was big on keeping me afraid of him. Using fear as a weapon. And if I opened it up and out came a butterfly I think I would be relieved. But it feels like the opposite is there.
And I KNOW it's crazy to have an anxiety filled dream about a nondescript slab of concrete. It's the weirdest feeling. If I was being chased the anxiety would make more sense but nope just chilling next to it.
Anyway I hope you are getting good sleep. If you also have weird dreams that freak you out for no reason... Maybe you fear chairs or wind chimes.... Share please cause tonight I'm going crazy.
2024.06.02 07:24 charpso Spider-Monkey (Future Series)
 | This is an intro I made for the near future (Spider-Monkey) Series I have planned. I plan on giving each main Spider-Man villain its own video of being defeated by Spider-Monkey, with maybe a sinister 6 finale to end the series. I am unsure of when I’ll be able to record them the way I feel is right, but once I do I’ll be able to edit the video fairly quickly and post it on YouTube. In about 6 weeks I’ll be down in Mexico for about a month , which means no fun videos for a while, but I’ll probably still post some chill Art videos or something. That’s about it. As you can See, the first Spider-Monkey episode that’ll go up is “The Revenge of Sand-Blizzard/SandMan.” So that’s a mild spoiler but whatever. submitted by charpso to Charpso_WlaiY80085 [link] [comments] |
2024.06.02 07:03 Witty_Programmer_874 Hospital hot takes (questions at bottom)
So I was recently in a behavioral hospital for $uicidal thoughts and just was overall very overwhelmed by life.
I was surrounded by too many kids and several little kids (hey we're the worst ones in there), I hadn't set foot in a courtyard or anything for 6 days so I was going absolutely fucking crazy. I moved myself away by going into the hallway (we weren't authorized to be out of the day room until told) and went off on the staff about the last day I was in unit 1. They had this bright idea to move me to unit 3, much more quiet do it having 4 other people, I hung out around Eli, Brandon, and Jordan for the rest of my stay, I was the only girl in the unit. Later that day another girl with severe autism came, she cried every single day for her mom, she was probably around 250-70 Lbs, throwing temper tantrums in the floor, she hit our favorite tech over a snack (she wouldn't let her have one because the damn girl had stolen half of her pizza while she was in the bathroom and was given a snack like the rest of us), the guys i hung out with all had ADHD and amger issues so we all didnt like her due to what she did, we later figured out she stabbed her brother she was 13, my age.
I think a day or so later they had a new girl admitted, I was listening to her answer questions when she first came in (everyone had to answer the questions) because I got pissed off because I messed up on a poster because the amateur art director didn't give me an eraser with my bendy pencil, so I was walking up and down the hallway. I came back, day down and was talking to everyone because group therapy had started, I turned around and saw the autistic girl sitting there BREAKING MY BRAND NEW PACK OF CRAYONS THAT I HAD BEEN ASKING FOR, FOR 3 DAYS. I got so mad, went back to the hallway and kicked the emergency exit door (it had to be unlocked by staff), it flew open but quickly closed, then I started pacing again. As I was doing that I heard the nurse at her station on the phone asking my mom for consent for a script of 200mg of Seroquel, she refused and I have had horrible luck sleeping, I've had insomnia for 6 years now. Brandon came in the hallway to see if I was okay, followed by Eli. I then went to the nurses station to ask why my mom denied it, the nurse was very snarky and said "she said you were trying to play the system", I had a little blackout and punched and kicked Brandon's door because it was closest, I later discovered my mom didn't say this, the nurse was known for lying to us.
Everything died down and we were all chilling in the day room talking to our favorite tech, the new girl seemed to have some type of disability due to her speech and how she walked. I don't know how it got so escalated but the girl called Eli a nigga, she was very light skinned but Mexican so Eli not taking any shit from a person that obviously not black got up and was finna hit her but the tech made her shut up and calmed him down. Everything was fine until the next morning. We went to eat breakfast and came back, very quickly the girl started again and said nigger about 3 times. Eli got up and made her try to fight him because he knew she was doing it only because the tech was with us and he would seemingly not be able to do anything, but he went for her, the tech tried to hold him back and get the girl to stop, she went into the hallway. This units day room had two doors so he went out the opposite way and punched her, she started balling her eyes out because her nose bleed, not even a lot. We all later discovered she was in there for wanting to kill herself due to her traumatic brain injury. She was 15 and Eli was too, but was pretty tall compared to her.
Do you think Eli was in the wrong or did the right thing regarding him being obviously black and Porta Rican while she was a very light skinned Mexican and wasn't even in the facility for more than 17 hours? What's your opinion on the situation and circumstances? What would you have done if you were in there?
submitted by Witty_Programmer_874 to MentalHospitalChat [link] [comments]
I was surrounded by too many kids and several little kids (hey we're the worst ones in there), I hadn't set foot in a courtyard or anything for 6 days so I was going absolutely fucking crazy. I moved myself away by going into the hallway (we weren't authorized to be out of the day room until told) and went off on the staff about the last day I was in unit 1. They had this bright idea to move me to unit 3, much more quiet do it having 4 other people, I hung out around Eli, Brandon, and Jordan for the rest of my stay, I was the only girl in the unit. Later that day another girl with severe autism came, she cried every single day for her mom, she was probably around 250-70 Lbs, throwing temper tantrums in the floor, she hit our favorite tech over a snack (she wouldn't let her have one because the damn girl had stolen half of her pizza while she was in the bathroom and was given a snack like the rest of us), the guys i hung out with all had ADHD and amger issues so we all didnt like her due to what she did, we later figured out she stabbed her brother she was 13, my age.
I think a day or so later they had a new girl admitted, I was listening to her answer questions when she first came in (everyone had to answer the questions) because I got pissed off because I messed up on a poster because the amateur art director didn't give me an eraser with my bendy pencil, so I was walking up and down the hallway. I came back, day down and was talking to everyone because group therapy had started, I turned around and saw the autistic girl sitting there BREAKING MY BRAND NEW PACK OF CRAYONS THAT I HAD BEEN ASKING FOR, FOR 3 DAYS. I got so mad, went back to the hallway and kicked the emergency exit door (it had to be unlocked by staff), it flew open but quickly closed, then I started pacing again. As I was doing that I heard the nurse at her station on the phone asking my mom for consent for a script of 200mg of Seroquel, she refused and I have had horrible luck sleeping, I've had insomnia for 6 years now. Brandon came in the hallway to see if I was okay, followed by Eli. I then went to the nurses station to ask why my mom denied it, the nurse was very snarky and said "she said you were trying to play the system", I had a little blackout and punched and kicked Brandon's door because it was closest, I later discovered my mom didn't say this, the nurse was known for lying to us.
Everything died down and we were all chilling in the day room talking to our favorite tech, the new girl seemed to have some type of disability due to her speech and how she walked. I don't know how it got so escalated but the girl called Eli a nigga, she was very light skinned but Mexican so Eli not taking any shit from a person that obviously not black got up and was finna hit her but the tech made her shut up and calmed him down. Everything was fine until the next morning. We went to eat breakfast and came back, very quickly the girl started again and said nigger about 3 times. Eli got up and made her try to fight him because he knew she was doing it only because the tech was with us and he would seemingly not be able to do anything, but he went for her, the tech tried to hold him back and get the girl to stop, she went into the hallway. This units day room had two doors so he went out the opposite way and punched her, she started balling her eyes out because her nose bleed, not even a lot. We all later discovered she was in there for wanting to kill herself due to her traumatic brain injury. She was 15 and Eli was too, but was pretty tall compared to her.
Do you think Eli was in the wrong or did the right thing regarding him being obviously black and Porta Rican while she was a very light skinned Mexican and wasn't even in the facility for more than 17 hours? What's your opinion on the situation and circumstances? What would you have done if you were in there?
2024.06.02 06:44 Dogmama1219 Why do people seem to critique and judge me? How do I get better at handling this?
I'm a 24f and have realized that most people in my life seem to nitpick or overly criticize me. For example, when it comes to my family, if they ever notice me doing something 'new' that I don't normally do, they comment on it: 'Who are you? Who taught you that? Since when did you start doing that?' Whether it be me eating pizza with a fork instead of by hand or starting to use the stove to reheat my food instead of the microwave. I also grew up in a home with a very judgmental sister. If I was ever having too much fun, she would always make some sort of comment. For example, I'm drinking wine & laughing on Christmas Eve, and she tells me to chill out and put the wine down. I'm listening to music in the car and singing, and she gets irritated with my singing and turns the music completely off. I'm doing some sort of dance move, and she gives me a cringe face. All of these moments are me genuinely being me and happy. There are so many situations like that growing up that it’s led me to hide my true self from a lot of people out of fear of rejection. My best friend is also like this at times. The other day I was laughing about something she said, and she quickly followed up with 'ok, it’s not that funny,' with a straight face and rude tone. Or if I'm eating and paying attention to my food, she will look at me and say 'you’re really killing that, huh?' These types of comments trigger me because it’s all I dealt with in my childhood. When it happens, I tend to shut down and just not want to talk anymore. My boyfriend also will comment about how I do certain things or make unnecessary comments. He alone has made me realize things about myself I don’t notice, like 'asking obvious questions.' I don't know why I do it, but I do, and it seems to annoy people, which I get to a degree. I don’t know if I tend to just attract these sorts of people, but it’s really bringing me down, and I don’t know how to handle it because I feel like I’m at a point where I’m constantly thinking of what others are thinking about me. Am I just taking things too personally? What I constantly go back to is that I never talk to people this way. I feel like I’m really good and accepting for people as who they are so I just have more patients for behaviors that may not be like mine? I don’t know, I would love some advice on how to be better at how to maybe stand my ground? I just be giving off an energy that makes it see
submitted by Dogmama1219 to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.06.02 06:36 HowYouGetAntz 28 year old human pc/ps looking for friends to laugh with, game with, discuss gaming, discuss other interests/hobbies and passions, and generally have a fun time!
Hey Everybody!
I'm a 28 year old recently married person with two amazing cats and one awesome dog.
A little about me:
I'm a big gaming fan! Love From Software titles, the new GoW games, TLoU, Uncharted; I enjoy Call of Duty, mainly Search & Destroy, as well as Overwatch. Don't play many other multiplayer shooters, but I do enjoy Super Smash Bros, Splatoon 3, and Street Fighter 6! I'm a big Monster Hunter player, very excited for Wild! Also, I play a good bit of Genshin Impact! Recently finished Deathloop. Looking to play more multiplayer games, though! Very open to try new games. Also very passionate about gaming in general, be it game music, art, design, etc. I do love many indie games, such as Hollow Knight, Dead Cells, Shovel Knight; recently finished Animal Well; really enjoyed it!
Other hobbies include reading (I'm a big fantasy fan!), cross-stitching, walking my dog, cleaning (for real, I like the control), stretching, and smoking the devil's lettuce (if this is a turn off for some, I apologize; I'm very functional with it, as I use it mainly for anxiety and chronic spinal disc pain). Trying to workout again and be healthy. Trying. I'm very passionate about movies, music, and television as well, and I love to talk about them! I like a lot of different genres from each medium, I guess it's easier to say what I don't really like (most reality tv, country music, not a big documentary/docuseries guy. I'm also a Pokemon card collector! And my partner and I love Legos!
I have a lot of love to give the world and this is a bit sad, but I would love to spend time with new friends and share in our passions! I'm not the most confident person, and I get in my head and doomsday think too much, but everybody's working on something, right?
I love my partner with all my heart. They're my rock, and an amazing person.
I graduated with my BBA a few years ago, but I'm going to go back to school to get an Associate's Degree to become a Radiology Tech starting this fall!
I am pretty left-leaning, politically; love is love and people should be able to do what they want with themselves as long as it doesn't hurt others. If you don't like this, maybe we aren't a good fit, and that's ok!
Message me or comment if you'd like to hang on discord or play something! The current games I'm playing right now: Street Fighter 6, Genshin Impact, Tales of Arise, and Doom Eternal, though I'm down to play anything or just chill and chat! Or watch something, you name it!
submitted by HowYouGetAntz to GamerPals [link] [comments]
I'm a 28 year old recently married person with two amazing cats and one awesome dog.
A little about me:
I'm a big gaming fan! Love From Software titles, the new GoW games, TLoU, Uncharted; I enjoy Call of Duty, mainly Search & Destroy, as well as Overwatch. Don't play many other multiplayer shooters, but I do enjoy Super Smash Bros, Splatoon 3, and Street Fighter 6! I'm a big Monster Hunter player, very excited for Wild! Also, I play a good bit of Genshin Impact! Recently finished Deathloop. Looking to play more multiplayer games, though! Very open to try new games. Also very passionate about gaming in general, be it game music, art, design, etc. I do love many indie games, such as Hollow Knight, Dead Cells, Shovel Knight; recently finished Animal Well; really enjoyed it!
Other hobbies include reading (I'm a big fantasy fan!), cross-stitching, walking my dog, cleaning (for real, I like the control), stretching, and smoking the devil's lettuce (if this is a turn off for some, I apologize; I'm very functional with it, as I use it mainly for anxiety and chronic spinal disc pain). Trying to workout again and be healthy. Trying. I'm very passionate about movies, music, and television as well, and I love to talk about them! I like a lot of different genres from each medium, I guess it's easier to say what I don't really like (most reality tv, country music, not a big documentary/docuseries guy. I'm also a Pokemon card collector! And my partner and I love Legos!
I have a lot of love to give the world and this is a bit sad, but I would love to spend time with new friends and share in our passions! I'm not the most confident person, and I get in my head and doomsday think too much, but everybody's working on something, right?
I love my partner with all my heart. They're my rock, and an amazing person.
I graduated with my BBA a few years ago, but I'm going to go back to school to get an Associate's Degree to become a Radiology Tech starting this fall!
I am pretty left-leaning, politically; love is love and people should be able to do what they want with themselves as long as it doesn't hurt others. If you don't like this, maybe we aren't a good fit, and that's ok!
Message me or comment if you'd like to hang on discord or play something! The current games I'm playing right now: Street Fighter 6, Genshin Impact, Tales of Arise, and Doom Eternal, though I'm down to play anything or just chill and chat! Or watch something, you name it!
2024.06.02 06:08 Terrible_North_7918 Lessons I learned during my first year of eng!
Hey! Ik a lot of the incoming first year engineering students have accepted their offers recently (congrats!) and I thought this may be of use for you guys and some of these can go for any first year student honestly. I learned so so much during my first year and would love to share if it even benefits one person!
- every percent helps! A lot of your mark will be based off the midterm and final, but most classes have room to gain marks in quizzes and homework. Although each one may be worth small (for ex. in pcs each hw is work 0.5%), don't get in the habit of slacking off and overlooking those. Those percents add up and can help you pass your course esp if you do poorly on major assessments. it can be very easy to skip or forget them in the midst of midterm season, but you future self will thank you when your calculating your grade at the end of the semester. Plus its a great way to stay sharp and caught up!
- join clubs. everyone says this but its for a reason!!!! It is an excellent way to meet upper years and learn from them, as well as gain skills and opportunities that set you apart from peers. You can also add it to your LinkedIn and climb up the exec ladder if you stick to the same clubs over the years. This is the best thing I could've done my first year. Although it can be challenging managing them along your classes, even joining one or two positions can help make yourself well rounded. Some examples are MUES positions, FYEO fyc, IEEE, WiE, BMES, MECU, ECEstorms, CECU and literally SM more.
- design teams. on the topic of clubs, design teams esp are something I wish I joined but hope to in my second year. Design teams are amazing because they allow you to contribute to physical projects and use the concepts you are taught in your classes! They're also great because you can add these projects to your resume and linkendin.
- find good friends/study group. It can be overwhelming and scary in the beginning to make friends, and it does take time to build those relationships. However I highly recommend you put yourself out there and out your comfort zone even if it is just talking to someone while waiting outside of a lecture. I cannot stress enough how beneficial a supportive friend/group can be for your entire degree! You guys can hang out between classes, lock in and study together, they can be there to help you/teach the things you don't understand, hold you accountable when you slack off, hype you up and push you to seek new oppurtunites, and make sm memories. don't be scared about meeting new people, it is a lot easier than you think esp bc everyone is on the same boat in first year and looking for friends! Joining clubs as I mentioned is a great way, as well as talking to the people in your tutorials/labs and inviting them to get a bite or drink with you!
- hold your self accountable. You know yourself best and you know when you are slacking off, when you are doing something you shouldn't be, when you can be doing better than you are, etc. University is not like hs where you have a teacher or figure to hold you accountable, you need to do that for yourself. Eng is not easy, you need to know when it's time to study or put in effort because spoiler alert, you need both to succeed. you cannot expect to pass or have good grades if you are only going to lectures and not reviewing, doing your hw, or studying. and holding yourself accountable throughout the sem can make studying for finals and midterms easier for you.
- be careful using chatgpt, bc you will become dependent on it. Ai is definitely a helpful tool than can be used to answer specific questions and spark new ideas, however use it cautiously. Pushing and using your brain is so good for you, however access to gpt and ai can make it seem like an easy fix. It is, but all I am saying is don't use it for everything, don't use it when you have the answers in your notes or textbook, don't use it if you have time to work it out/think on it. you do not want to become one of those brain rot individuals that cannot think and speak for themself thats all.
- save your money. I wish I'd hear this before but it is incredibly easy to blow off money in your first year esp at tmu. There are food and shopping places in every corner, so if you have the money/savings it's easy to get in the habit of buying food or a sweet treat every day. Many of us aren't working during school either. Just remember that each course you take cost money, if you need to take it again or online it cost money, your homework textbooks and lab equipment often costs money, and if you are on osap you will need money to pay it back! just be careful 🥲
- chang policy. I had to learn this one the hard way too. If you would like to take a course virtually through chang the refund policy is NOT the same as in person courses. If you change your mind about the course and want a full policy, you need to drop the course 5 BUSINESS DAYS before it begins if you want a full refund. I dropped a course 4 business days before and had to pay 50% for a course I did not take.
- time management because the workload is intense. engineering is not easy but time management can make your degree manageable and not feel impossible. it may be hard to find the routine and flow that works for you, but if I can give any advice while you do it is to make use of the time you have when you have it. Use resources like a planner, google cal, to-do lists, reminders etc to stay on top and make time for everything. being able to manage your time can save you a lot of panic and stress in midterm and final season. although the workload can get overwhelming, break your tasks down and take it day by day, but make sure you get done what you need too.
- start group projects early, especially CEN100. you will encounter many group projects during your first year, and most of the important ones happen near the end of the semester. I highly suggest you urge you and your group to get started or at least plan/break down tasks early, ideally from the get go when it is assigned. trying to coordinate with group members who are all busy with the end of the semester can be difficult and makes room for conflict to arise. not to mention starting early gives you time to seek help and critique from your TA. if you need to be that person, hold the group accountable and make sure you guys do not leave it for last min.
- don't compare yourself. everyone comes from different educational and social backgrounds. for some it may come as a shock to be surrounded by people who are as smart as you if not probably smarter. it is so easy to compare yourself and your success to others and it can easily become discouraging. just know that although you will meet people doing great while you may be near flunking, everyone is still struggling and finding it difficult. they may have different learning styles from you that makes it easier for them to learn new material, or they may have come from a school/background where they have already learned it. that doesn't mean you can't get to that level tho, for some it just takes some extra effort and that is okay.
- connect with your TA's and profs and build a relationship with them. You won't always come across a friendly or dedicated instructor, but if you feel you you have give them the chance to get to know and remember you, go to office hours and your tutorials even if they are optional. chances are they may be willing to give you advice or insight on what is on the midterm/final, or they could be the reason your mark has been boosted enough for you to pass. this is not always the case, but it often is.
- it will be a learning curve and takes time to adjust. as much as people can advise and warn you, you won't know what you are getting yourself into until you are actually in it. university for most people is a whole different ball park, let alone an engineering degree. you likely may not find your circle, your flow and your space right away and that is okay, it is part of the process that sets you up to be the best engineer you can be one day. some may be able to adjust quicker than others but just be patient with yourself, if you need to break up for your year into the spring/summer sem so be it. they say the first year of eng is the hardest bc it is such a large jump from high school, but remember it isn't impossible, so many people have done it and so can you. be kind with yourself, and use the many many resources that are available for your success.
- stay caught up in your classes to avoid burnout during midterm and exam season. one of my biggest regrets is missing so much class after midterms and having to cram for finals. Up until my midterms for both semesters I was caught up and following along in everything which made studying less time consuming bc I was already familiar with most the material, it was just filling in the gaps and practicing. Finals nearly took me out bc of the amount of cramming I had to do before I could even get to studying. not to mention seeing the material multiple times will make it stick better by logic. falling behind is common, but don't let it get too far because it truly is very hard to come back from. try to study as you go through the semester, and review/practice the lessons regularly. do not let the material leave your brain as soon as you learn it.
- it is okay to fail. many of us come from being high achievers in high school and getting above average grades. but you will come to learn that grades in the 45-60 range is normal. it is not the end of the world if you fail a course, especially in your first year. you are not dumb, you are not a failure, you are not letting anyone down. failing a course or two is normal and fairly common at least once during this degree. as a first year there is a lot of leeway and room for success, so you can just take it the next sem or the spring.
- make time for your family. this mostly goes for the commuters, but it can be difficult to make time for them especially when the semester ramps up. you may find yourself locked up in your room or coming home late from a library study sesh. but for many people they are your support system and even taking an hour away from your work to spend time with them and be a breath of fresh air and much needed to feel connected to them.
- go to student events! there are genuinely SO MANY that run throughout the year especially for us. I highly recommend to you to as many conferences as you can, GVIC, the WiE if you are female, the one from FYEO and more from MUES. these are great to make industry connections, learn things you don't learn in class, you can make friends, network, and grow yourself professionally. there are other more fun and chill student events that run too that can be great to destress during the sem and wind down with your friends.
- learn to make use of your time if your commute. Many of us who take the go have quite long commutes that can make it feel like a chunk of our day is gone. Something to help with that is just learning to manage the travel time and get something done. This can be being productive and study, taking a power nap, winding down/screen time before locking in at home, have lunch/dinner, making phone calls, etc. Plan your day out and what you are going to do during that commute time, it can truly help structure your day sm better.
- split your chegg. if you really need to buy it (its great for CHY homework and PCS) find some reliable and not snitchy friends and split it so its cheaper. although again, be careful using such tool incase you become dependent on it. it is a tool not solution, use it to learn how to do questions you don't have examples on, but still make sure you do most the hw for practice etc.
- don't get in the habit of skipping class. everyone says this yet we all do it. but I feel like I still need to include this since I have tasted my own medicine from skipping so much. its fine to skip here and there but don'ttttt make it a habit bc it is near impossible to break. its starts with one class, and then you skip the next one bc you didn't catch up and you're gonna be lost either way, and then it snowballs from there. its okay if you aren't caught up from previous missed lectures. just go, even if you just sit there and pay attention without taking notes. you will eventually catch up if you go, but letting it become a habit is just cutting yourself short and holding you back from sm academic success.
- don't overlook the easy classes. they WILL be your mark booster but you still need to put in the effort. for me they were CEN100, CHY102, my liberals, and CPS188. If you care about your gpa make sure you put effort into these classes bc they are very easy to do well in and will boost your gpa.
- its okay to feel imposter syndrome. I went through this a lot and felt like eng was not for me at many times because I would get in the habit of comparing myself. I don't think I felt like I belonged or felt like I was where I was supposed to be until the winter sem. as I mentioned it can take time to find your space but you will eventually. try to remember why you went into eng in the first place, and if it was just money joining clubs/going to eng events can help you find passion or belonging in it again. at the end of the day just trust your gut. if you truly truly feel like you can't see yourself working as an engineer maybe you could reconsider. but if you can but you are just struggling, I promise the imposter syndrome is normal but it will go away.
- NO all nighters. this is coming from someone who has pulled one too many this year and regrets it every single time. I feel like we all know this by now but just prioritize your sleep guys, this again comes down to time management but get enough sleep helps you SO MUCH to learn and digest all the material. you may be able to stay awake physically but you brain needs the rest. and ESPECIALLY DONT PULL ALL NIGHTERS BEFORE EXAMS. So many times this sem have I experience the worst brain fog of my life from doing this, you start to forget the most basic of things and concepts you may have perfected. it can be so easy to overlook our sleep but it truly is so important. don't sacrifice it, if you need to take the L bc you didn't study enough just take it, bc honestly studying more ahead would've saved you if you feel like you need to miss your sleep to cram.
- don't buy a single textbook. the only time you should is PCS and CHY bc it comes with the homework which you need to buy. other than that don't you can find it all online for free either on Anna's archive, the eng gcs or upper years.
- be prepared for midterms. tbh nothing could've prepared me, it is intense. esp if you are taking the full course load. the learning does not stop when midterms roll around, you will still have fast paced lectures, still have hw, still have regular quizzes and projects on top of studying for midterms. It can honestly feel suffocating in the midst of it and extremely overwhelming, but again this is where time management comes to play, use planning resources, and set yourself up for success from the very beginning of the sem. the biggest mistake people make is skipping lectures during midterms, because let me tell you, you will not make the time to catch up during midterm season, and even when it is over you are likely quite far behind or near finals. try your self to ensure you keep going to your classes during it. ALSO, make sure you study well for your midterms, for many people they do better on the midterm than the final so allocating those grades from the midterm is a great idea.
- check your emails! there are so many opportunities and resources that get sent to your inbox. this includes free tutoring, study halls, event details, on campus paid opportunities, club hirings etc.
- take care of yourself. like sm other things it can be so easy to overlook your basic needs and let yourself go. whether that be skipping meals or eating fast food alllllll the time, not sleeping, not showering and doing laundry, not giving yourself free time, etc, you need to look after yourself because no one else will. and the only way you can do well is ensuring you yourself are well. feed yourself healthy and balanced meals, get enough sleep, PLEASE SHOWER AND USE DEODORANT (the stereotype is in fact true), and take yourself outside on walks and with your loved ones. don't lose yourself along the way, it is all about balance.
- do not drop linear algebra in the fall. just listen to me on this one. even if you absolutely BOMB the midterm, don't get scared by it and decide to drop it. this happens essentially every year, and they usually, every year, make the final much easier and straight forward than the midterm is so it IS possible to pass. at the end of the day all you need is a 50 and it is very doable if you have the quiz/hw grades secured (free marks for most people) and study well for the final. try to get profs like majed and wang bc if you are near passing they may boost you enough too. and even if you did fail, so be it that is fine, you can take it in the winter but atleast you gave it youre all and said you tried but chances are you will pass. I say this bc the winter sections for linear algebra ive heard are much harder than the fall, although I think they curve at the end, it is a lottttt more theoretical and confusing so I recommend you push yourself for the fall and see where that takes you.
Anddddd I think that's all! I know that was a lot and maybe overwhelming but I hope it was insightful. if you have any questions or worries feel free to comment or pm.
submitted by Terrible_North_7918 to TorontoMetU [link] [comments]
- every percent helps! A lot of your mark will be based off the midterm and final, but most classes have room to gain marks in quizzes and homework. Although each one may be worth small (for ex. in pcs each hw is work 0.5%), don't get in the habit of slacking off and overlooking those. Those percents add up and can help you pass your course esp if you do poorly on major assessments. it can be very easy to skip or forget them in the midst of midterm season, but you future self will thank you when your calculating your grade at the end of the semester. Plus its a great way to stay sharp and caught up!
- join clubs. everyone says this but its for a reason!!!! It is an excellent way to meet upper years and learn from them, as well as gain skills and opportunities that set you apart from peers. You can also add it to your LinkedIn and climb up the exec ladder if you stick to the same clubs over the years. This is the best thing I could've done my first year. Although it can be challenging managing them along your classes, even joining one or two positions can help make yourself well rounded. Some examples are MUES positions, FYEO fyc, IEEE, WiE, BMES, MECU, ECEstorms, CECU and literally SM more.
- design teams. on the topic of clubs, design teams esp are something I wish I joined but hope to in my second year. Design teams are amazing because they allow you to contribute to physical projects and use the concepts you are taught in your classes! They're also great because you can add these projects to your resume and linkendin.
- find good friends/study group. It can be overwhelming and scary in the beginning to make friends, and it does take time to build those relationships. However I highly recommend you put yourself out there and out your comfort zone even if it is just talking to someone while waiting outside of a lecture. I cannot stress enough how beneficial a supportive friend/group can be for your entire degree! You guys can hang out between classes, lock in and study together, they can be there to help you/teach the things you don't understand, hold you accountable when you slack off, hype you up and push you to seek new oppurtunites, and make sm memories. don't be scared about meeting new people, it is a lot easier than you think esp bc everyone is on the same boat in first year and looking for friends! Joining clubs as I mentioned is a great way, as well as talking to the people in your tutorials/labs and inviting them to get a bite or drink with you!
- hold your self accountable. You know yourself best and you know when you are slacking off, when you are doing something you shouldn't be, when you can be doing better than you are, etc. University is not like hs where you have a teacher or figure to hold you accountable, you need to do that for yourself. Eng is not easy, you need to know when it's time to study or put in effort because spoiler alert, you need both to succeed. you cannot expect to pass or have good grades if you are only going to lectures and not reviewing, doing your hw, or studying. and holding yourself accountable throughout the sem can make studying for finals and midterms easier for you.
- be careful using chatgpt, bc you will become dependent on it. Ai is definitely a helpful tool than can be used to answer specific questions and spark new ideas, however use it cautiously. Pushing and using your brain is so good for you, however access to gpt and ai can make it seem like an easy fix. It is, but all I am saying is don't use it for everything, don't use it when you have the answers in your notes or textbook, don't use it if you have time to work it out/think on it. you do not want to become one of those brain rot individuals that cannot think and speak for themself thats all.
- save your money. I wish I'd hear this before but it is incredibly easy to blow off money in your first year esp at tmu. There are food and shopping places in every corner, so if you have the money/savings it's easy to get in the habit of buying food or a sweet treat every day. Many of us aren't working during school either. Just remember that each course you take cost money, if you need to take it again or online it cost money, your homework textbooks and lab equipment often costs money, and if you are on osap you will need money to pay it back! just be careful 🥲
- chang policy. I had to learn this one the hard way too. If you would like to take a course virtually through chang the refund policy is NOT the same as in person courses. If you change your mind about the course and want a full policy, you need to drop the course 5 BUSINESS DAYS before it begins if you want a full refund. I dropped a course 4 business days before and had to pay 50% for a course I did not take.
- time management because the workload is intense. engineering is not easy but time management can make your degree manageable and not feel impossible. it may be hard to find the routine and flow that works for you, but if I can give any advice while you do it is to make use of the time you have when you have it. Use resources like a planner, google cal, to-do lists, reminders etc to stay on top and make time for everything. being able to manage your time can save you a lot of panic and stress in midterm and final season. although the workload can get overwhelming, break your tasks down and take it day by day, but make sure you get done what you need too.
- start group projects early, especially CEN100. you will encounter many group projects during your first year, and most of the important ones happen near the end of the semester. I highly suggest you urge you and your group to get started or at least plan/break down tasks early, ideally from the get go when it is assigned. trying to coordinate with group members who are all busy with the end of the semester can be difficult and makes room for conflict to arise. not to mention starting early gives you time to seek help and critique from your TA. if you need to be that person, hold the group accountable and make sure you guys do not leave it for last min.
- don't compare yourself. everyone comes from different educational and social backgrounds. for some it may come as a shock to be surrounded by people who are as smart as you if not probably smarter. it is so easy to compare yourself and your success to others and it can easily become discouraging. just know that although you will meet people doing great while you may be near flunking, everyone is still struggling and finding it difficult. they may have different learning styles from you that makes it easier for them to learn new material, or they may have come from a school/background where they have already learned it. that doesn't mean you can't get to that level tho, for some it just takes some extra effort and that is okay.
- connect with your TA's and profs and build a relationship with them. You won't always come across a friendly or dedicated instructor, but if you feel you you have give them the chance to get to know and remember you, go to office hours and your tutorials even if they are optional. chances are they may be willing to give you advice or insight on what is on the midterm/final, or they could be the reason your mark has been boosted enough for you to pass. this is not always the case, but it often is.
- it will be a learning curve and takes time to adjust. as much as people can advise and warn you, you won't know what you are getting yourself into until you are actually in it. university for most people is a whole different ball park, let alone an engineering degree. you likely may not find your circle, your flow and your space right away and that is okay, it is part of the process that sets you up to be the best engineer you can be one day. some may be able to adjust quicker than others but just be patient with yourself, if you need to break up for your year into the spring/summer sem so be it. they say the first year of eng is the hardest bc it is such a large jump from high school, but remember it isn't impossible, so many people have done it and so can you. be kind with yourself, and use the many many resources that are available for your success.
- stay caught up in your classes to avoid burnout during midterm and exam season. one of my biggest regrets is missing so much class after midterms and having to cram for finals. Up until my midterms for both semesters I was caught up and following along in everything which made studying less time consuming bc I was already familiar with most the material, it was just filling in the gaps and practicing. Finals nearly took me out bc of the amount of cramming I had to do before I could even get to studying. not to mention seeing the material multiple times will make it stick better by logic. falling behind is common, but don't let it get too far because it truly is very hard to come back from. try to study as you go through the semester, and review/practice the lessons regularly. do not let the material leave your brain as soon as you learn it.
- it is okay to fail. many of us come from being high achievers in high school and getting above average grades. but you will come to learn that grades in the 45-60 range is normal. it is not the end of the world if you fail a course, especially in your first year. you are not dumb, you are not a failure, you are not letting anyone down. failing a course or two is normal and fairly common at least once during this degree. as a first year there is a lot of leeway and room for success, so you can just take it the next sem or the spring.
- make time for your family. this mostly goes for the commuters, but it can be difficult to make time for them especially when the semester ramps up. you may find yourself locked up in your room or coming home late from a library study sesh. but for many people they are your support system and even taking an hour away from your work to spend time with them and be a breath of fresh air and much needed to feel connected to them.
- go to student events! there are genuinely SO MANY that run throughout the year especially for us. I highly recommend to you to as many conferences as you can, GVIC, the WiE if you are female, the one from FYEO and more from MUES. these are great to make industry connections, learn things you don't learn in class, you can make friends, network, and grow yourself professionally. there are other more fun and chill student events that run too that can be great to destress during the sem and wind down with your friends.
- learn to make use of your time if your commute. Many of us who take the go have quite long commutes that can make it feel like a chunk of our day is gone. Something to help with that is just learning to manage the travel time and get something done. This can be being productive and study, taking a power nap, winding down/screen time before locking in at home, have lunch/dinner, making phone calls, etc. Plan your day out and what you are going to do during that commute time, it can truly help structure your day sm better.
- split your chegg. if you really need to buy it (its great for CHY homework and PCS) find some reliable and not snitchy friends and split it so its cheaper. although again, be careful using such tool incase you become dependent on it. it is a tool not solution, use it to learn how to do questions you don't have examples on, but still make sure you do most the hw for practice etc.
- don't get in the habit of skipping class. everyone says this yet we all do it. but I feel like I still need to include this since I have tasted my own medicine from skipping so much. its fine to skip here and there but don'ttttt make it a habit bc it is near impossible to break. its starts with one class, and then you skip the next one bc you didn't catch up and you're gonna be lost either way, and then it snowballs from there. its okay if you aren't caught up from previous missed lectures. just go, even if you just sit there and pay attention without taking notes. you will eventually catch up if you go, but letting it become a habit is just cutting yourself short and holding you back from sm academic success.
- don't overlook the easy classes. they WILL be your mark booster but you still need to put in the effort. for me they were CEN100, CHY102, my liberals, and CPS188. If you care about your gpa make sure you put effort into these classes bc they are very easy to do well in and will boost your gpa.
- its okay to feel imposter syndrome. I went through this a lot and felt like eng was not for me at many times because I would get in the habit of comparing myself. I don't think I felt like I belonged or felt like I was where I was supposed to be until the winter sem. as I mentioned it can take time to find your space but you will eventually. try to remember why you went into eng in the first place, and if it was just money joining clubs/going to eng events can help you find passion or belonging in it again. at the end of the day just trust your gut. if you truly truly feel like you can't see yourself working as an engineer maybe you could reconsider. but if you can but you are just struggling, I promise the imposter syndrome is normal but it will go away.
- NO all nighters. this is coming from someone who has pulled one too many this year and regrets it every single time. I feel like we all know this by now but just prioritize your sleep guys, this again comes down to time management but get enough sleep helps you SO MUCH to learn and digest all the material. you may be able to stay awake physically but you brain needs the rest. and ESPECIALLY DONT PULL ALL NIGHTERS BEFORE EXAMS. So many times this sem have I experience the worst brain fog of my life from doing this, you start to forget the most basic of things and concepts you may have perfected. it can be so easy to overlook our sleep but it truly is so important. don't sacrifice it, if you need to take the L bc you didn't study enough just take it, bc honestly studying more ahead would've saved you if you feel like you need to miss your sleep to cram.
- don't buy a single textbook. the only time you should is PCS and CHY bc it comes with the homework which you need to buy. other than that don't you can find it all online for free either on Anna's archive, the eng gcs or upper years.
- be prepared for midterms. tbh nothing could've prepared me, it is intense. esp if you are taking the full course load. the learning does not stop when midterms roll around, you will still have fast paced lectures, still have hw, still have regular quizzes and projects on top of studying for midterms. It can honestly feel suffocating in the midst of it and extremely overwhelming, but again this is where time management comes to play, use planning resources, and set yourself up for success from the very beginning of the sem. the biggest mistake people make is skipping lectures during midterms, because let me tell you, you will not make the time to catch up during midterm season, and even when it is over you are likely quite far behind or near finals. try your self to ensure you keep going to your classes during it. ALSO, make sure you study well for your midterms, for many people they do better on the midterm than the final so allocating those grades from the midterm is a great idea.
- check your emails! there are so many opportunities and resources that get sent to your inbox. this includes free tutoring, study halls, event details, on campus paid opportunities, club hirings etc.
- take care of yourself. like sm other things it can be so easy to overlook your basic needs and let yourself go. whether that be skipping meals or eating fast food alllllll the time, not sleeping, not showering and doing laundry, not giving yourself free time, etc, you need to look after yourself because no one else will. and the only way you can do well is ensuring you yourself are well. feed yourself healthy and balanced meals, get enough sleep, PLEASE SHOWER AND USE DEODORANT (the stereotype is in fact true), and take yourself outside on walks and with your loved ones. don't lose yourself along the way, it is all about balance.
- do not drop linear algebra in the fall. just listen to me on this one. even if you absolutely BOMB the midterm, don't get scared by it and decide to drop it. this happens essentially every year, and they usually, every year, make the final much easier and straight forward than the midterm is so it IS possible to pass. at the end of the day all you need is a 50 and it is very doable if you have the quiz/hw grades secured (free marks for most people) and study well for the final. try to get profs like majed and wang bc if you are near passing they may boost you enough too. and even if you did fail, so be it that is fine, you can take it in the winter but atleast you gave it youre all and said you tried but chances are you will pass. I say this bc the winter sections for linear algebra ive heard are much harder than the fall, although I think they curve at the end, it is a lottttt more theoretical and confusing so I recommend you push yourself for the fall and see where that takes you.
Anddddd I think that's all! I know that was a lot and maybe overwhelming but I hope it was insightful. if you have any questions or worries feel free to comment or pm.
2024.06.02 06:04 revealingVass The differences in A trick of the tail between 1994 and 2007 versions
I just made the Duke review comparing the 1994 and the 2007 versions so I'll just make the A trick of the tail reviews too. I love this album as it showed me there was more appart from Selling England.
Thanks for teaching me new stuff kids, it's been a journey. <3
submitted by revealingVass to Genesis [link] [comments]
- The whistle in Dance on a volcano, love it. Also, the riff is a bit deeper while having no distortion, kinda counterintuitive but I like it. Right away I didn't like Phil's voice, even though it feels a bit cleaner. The last part is way better here as the guitar feels more powerful and heavier. 2007 wins for the voice mainly, but they are great
- Entangled is missing its echoes which surprised me a lot. Never thought there would be a way of making its guitar more beautiful, but it is! The speed also is waaay lower, which I like. It's more natural, it disentangles better which is hard to believe now. The chilling sounds around minute 3 are haunting. Actually the whole song is as haunting as it is cosy and warm. Beautiful, beautiful version. I actually like Phil's voice more in the 2007 version, but it was so worth checking this. The guitars man. I'd love to mix these beautiful sounding guitars with the cleaner voice version.
- Oh Squonk, the song that started all. The voice filter is nice, but I always found this song hard to listen to even with "cleaner" and brighter mixes. I'd say this version is more coherent between lyrics and music. It's as heavy as expressive, and Phil's voice fusses correctly all rounds. The 2007 also is way louder and has almost no keyboards. I didn't like the part of "you better watch out", too soft. I prefer the 2007 ending voice lines but the instrumental ending it's better here. I'd say this one is better, 10/10 song I prefer it in Seconds out
- Here's the breakup, Mad man moon. This song is unbelievably underrated, and I truly believe it's 2007 version actually improved it. This 1994 version has way more piano (and some violin I think?) but barely no guitar. The drums kick ass in the middle meddley tho. It's cosy but I like the power its remix gave em.
- I loved Robbery, Assault and Battery! This song is those we'd call "guilty pleasure" cause it's as clever as corny. But this version is better only cause it's simpler, flatter, more serious and less chantier. The solo is probably better in its remix but I like it nonetheless. The second solo after "bad man" is deeper which I liked. The drums give more tension, like a movie. This version is the one I think feels way way better in every aspect. 10/10
- Ripples is my favorite track in this album. I didn't find this one that different apart from the chorus which is louder in the 2007 version. The piano feels softer but not better, I think. The intermission in the middle is more rhythmic and introspective, but it's there a xylophone? Never found that before. I just love this song too much to make a difference.
- But A trick of the tail is way different! Its musical vibe is more complex with that beat, while the voice is deeper and more expresive. I like Phil's voice in 2007 version as it gets stuck in your head (Same with Robbery but this one feels good instead of intrusive lol). Also there are a ton of sound effects like aliens and birds which are gone in the remix. I loved this one, reminded me a ton of older songs like Supper's ready or Harrold the barrel. This song is the one the remix ruined the most to the point it's hard to believe that man is not in jail.
- I loved this version of Los Endos, it reminds me a lot of their Seconds out version but with every improvement a studio gives. The bass is way louder and heavier. The stereo differences are more notorious too! Its stops and releases feel softer and comprensive. I think the guitar is a bit louder in 2007 which I like but doesn't bother me. The part when the music "walks" in again is also very comprehensive and the drums fill every small gap, amazing. The lyrics are also hidden which I like, feel like an easter egg or something. Love em
Thanks for teaching me new stuff kids, it's been a journey. <3
2024.06.02 05:46 corduroyfloor My first guy friend turned out to be a perv and stole my panties
This is my first Reddit post so yay, but kinda sad given the title lol. It’s also long sorry. So I 23f have never really had male friends and I mean a genuine one. The only way I would interact with them when I’m with my girl friends and we were going out somewhere or they would invite their boyfriends and I would talk to them. Other than that I never had a guy friend, and the ones I’ve had contact with have just been acquaintances or friends of my girl friends.
So I was at this party with my friends and long story short we ended up leaving and bar hopping with a huge group of people from the party. A healthy mix of girls and boys. And everyone was fun and we were all having a good time and I was making more friends along the way. I met jay 25m (his real name idgaf) and he was real cool we talked and his guy friends were cool too and funny. So we all got each others social media (me and my friends) and was planning to hang out sometime again.
So basically that never happened, but that’s life lol. But we all stayed mutuals and interacted on social media. So I started going to a new gym and ended up seeing jay there. We talked and made plans to be gym buddies and hang out sometime.
Now I wanna preface I am very direct and told him from the jump that I am only looking for a friendship. I told him flat out “don’t think you can wait a few weeks, months, years and think you can fuck me. Don’t think I was leading you on and that I friend zoned you because you never left the zone and were always there”. I told him I’d like a genuine guy friend and was hoping the feeling was mutual and he agreed.
So the first time we went to the gym it was nice. We worked out, went downstairs to the pool. He didn’t go in but I swam some laps and then we went into the hot tub together and just talked and chilled. After that we separated and went into the locker rooms. I told him I was going to take a shower and that he could leave because I didn’t want him waiting for me bc I take long showers. He said he didn’t mind and would wait for me. So I take my shower and meet him in the lobby and we take the elevator and head to the parking lot.
Okay so what happened was while we were walking to my car I forgot to validate my parking ticket in the gym lobby so I told him I’ll be right back and told him to hold my bag. Now, in reality I could’ve just brought my gym back with me. He didn’t need to hold it at all but to be honest I wanted to test him. Would he be a normal person and wait for me and not look through my bag? Or would he? If he didn’t then I had nothing to worry about. But what if he did? I’m very particular with how I pack my bag so I would know. Call me distrustful idc because I am.
So I get back tell him thanks he gives me my bag and we go our separate ways. I got home and immediately start to wash my clothes because I hate wet clothes and I have to wash them. So then I empty my bag and my panties are gone? Like the dirty ones that I did a full blown work out in. You know what’s crazy is that I suspected him first but then I told myself to chill because what kind of person does that? Especially this being the first time we ever hang out?? Then I started gaslighting myself. Did I not put them in my bag? Omg what if I left it and now there’s a pair of my underwear in the gym lockeroom how embarrassing. The thing is I know I put them in there, I was just in denial and honestly I couldn’t believe it lmao. Like where do we go from here.
We hang out again a week later. We did the same routine like last time and I validated my ticket, but this time I was really going to test him. We were waiting for the elevators and I told him I left my keys on the counter in the locker room. I told him to hold my bag again and I’ll be right back.
This time I specifically put my panties on the side pocket of my gym bag so this time I know I’m not crazy. I kid you not I had to be gone for less than a minute and 20 seconds. He gives me back my bag we go our separate ways and I go home. I look in my side pocket they’re GONE. I literally screamed I kid you not. Do you know how crazy you have to be to go out of your way to not only look through my bag to not find my underwear but THEN look somewhere else for them?? Bros a panty thief, the garment gobler if you will. So at this point I feel like he knows because why else would I put them there? Which makes it so much worse. But honestly I was floored. And they were cute too. The first pair had strawberries on them and a pink little bow and the second ones weren’t that special but they were soo comfortable.
At that point I was mourning our friendship because literally besides that he was cool. Honestly he was still a stranger because we only hung out twice but dang I was hopeful. So I immediately text him and ask why him “why are you stealing my underwear and all he said was “yeah sorry”. Didn’t even deny it which is crazy. Then he asked if I liked it and I basically let out the biggest sigh. So disappointing. I called him out for being a perv and told him how disgusting he was knowing he crossed a line because we were supposed to be platonic friends. I blocked him on all platforms and told all my girl friends about him and told his guy friends too. We all have him blocked idk about his guys friends though.
It just really sucks. I know not “all men” but damn why me. My big brother is a really good man, has good morals and treats woman with respect and I respect him a lot, and he always protectes me. I was just hoping to meet good guys like my brother because I know they’re out there.
Anyways to anyone who read the whole thing thanks for listening!
submitted by corduroyfloor to offmychest [link] [comments]
So I was at this party with my friends and long story short we ended up leaving and bar hopping with a huge group of people from the party. A healthy mix of girls and boys. And everyone was fun and we were all having a good time and I was making more friends along the way. I met jay 25m (his real name idgaf) and he was real cool we talked and his guy friends were cool too and funny. So we all got each others social media (me and my friends) and was planning to hang out sometime again.
So basically that never happened, but that’s life lol. But we all stayed mutuals and interacted on social media. So I started going to a new gym and ended up seeing jay there. We talked and made plans to be gym buddies and hang out sometime.
Now I wanna preface I am very direct and told him from the jump that I am only looking for a friendship. I told him flat out “don’t think you can wait a few weeks, months, years and think you can fuck me. Don’t think I was leading you on and that I friend zoned you because you never left the zone and were always there”. I told him I’d like a genuine guy friend and was hoping the feeling was mutual and he agreed.
So the first time we went to the gym it was nice. We worked out, went downstairs to the pool. He didn’t go in but I swam some laps and then we went into the hot tub together and just talked and chilled. After that we separated and went into the locker rooms. I told him I was going to take a shower and that he could leave because I didn’t want him waiting for me bc I take long showers. He said he didn’t mind and would wait for me. So I take my shower and meet him in the lobby and we take the elevator and head to the parking lot.
Okay so what happened was while we were walking to my car I forgot to validate my parking ticket in the gym lobby so I told him I’ll be right back and told him to hold my bag. Now, in reality I could’ve just brought my gym back with me. He didn’t need to hold it at all but to be honest I wanted to test him. Would he be a normal person and wait for me and not look through my bag? Or would he? If he didn’t then I had nothing to worry about. But what if he did? I’m very particular with how I pack my bag so I would know. Call me distrustful idc because I am.
So I get back tell him thanks he gives me my bag and we go our separate ways. I got home and immediately start to wash my clothes because I hate wet clothes and I have to wash them. So then I empty my bag and my panties are gone? Like the dirty ones that I did a full blown work out in. You know what’s crazy is that I suspected him first but then I told myself to chill because what kind of person does that? Especially this being the first time we ever hang out?? Then I started gaslighting myself. Did I not put them in my bag? Omg what if I left it and now there’s a pair of my underwear in the gym lockeroom how embarrassing. The thing is I know I put them in there, I was just in denial and honestly I couldn’t believe it lmao. Like where do we go from here.
We hang out again a week later. We did the same routine like last time and I validated my ticket, but this time I was really going to test him. We were waiting for the elevators and I told him I left my keys on the counter in the locker room. I told him to hold my bag again and I’ll be right back.
This time I specifically put my panties on the side pocket of my gym bag so this time I know I’m not crazy. I kid you not I had to be gone for less than a minute and 20 seconds. He gives me back my bag we go our separate ways and I go home. I look in my side pocket they’re GONE. I literally screamed I kid you not. Do you know how crazy you have to be to go out of your way to not only look through my bag to not find my underwear but THEN look somewhere else for them?? Bros a panty thief, the garment gobler if you will. So at this point I feel like he knows because why else would I put them there? Which makes it so much worse. But honestly I was floored. And they were cute too. The first pair had strawberries on them and a pink little bow and the second ones weren’t that special but they were soo comfortable.
At that point I was mourning our friendship because literally besides that he was cool. Honestly he was still a stranger because we only hung out twice but dang I was hopeful. So I immediately text him and ask why him “why are you stealing my underwear and all he said was “yeah sorry”. Didn’t even deny it which is crazy. Then he asked if I liked it and I basically let out the biggest sigh. So disappointing. I called him out for being a perv and told him how disgusting he was knowing he crossed a line because we were supposed to be platonic friends. I blocked him on all platforms and told all my girl friends about him and told his guy friends too. We all have him blocked idk about his guys friends though.
It just really sucks. I know not “all men” but damn why me. My big brother is a really good man, has good morals and treats woman with respect and I respect him a lot, and he always protectes me. I was just hoping to meet good guys like my brother because I know they’re out there.
Anyways to anyone who read the whole thing thanks for listening!
2024.06.02 05:43 trufales Camera saw me /help
I was just painting in the city (kinda chill street) and this guy passes by, they normaly dont give a shit, all i do is stop look at the phone for a bit and falk around, but this guy says "hey your not doing any graffiti right? Theres cameras here ill watched tomorrow you bastard" and i sayd yea yea ok, he walked off and i was just about to finish and the guy comes screaming "what are you doing you fuckers!!!" Super loud, me and my friend started running and i left 2 cans behind, we came back after and the guy took it, i dont think that really matters but what about the cameras? They were kinda high and it was only one, it was point only down and i never looked up too much. Ive gotten people with suits come up to my house one time before idk why ( they didnt even get to the door but they looked scary ), idk i dont wear a mask cus i dont know what to wear as a mask, my tshirt? A bank robery mask? Idk, any recommendations on being more careful and what to do when your out would be very appreciated, sorry for the wack english kts not my first language ( i live in spain ).
submitted by trufales to graffhelp [link] [comments]
2024.06.02 05:38 RealZiobbe I graduated yesterday and near-strangers are more supportive than my parents
Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.
submitted by RealZiobbe to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.
2024.06.02 05:33 MariaDelphinium I don't understand why the moons are upset that they are being treated like children
Hello, I'm sorry if this is obvious and if the answer just flew over my head but I just wanted to know, why is Titan and the other moons upset that the planets treat them like children? In Solarballs isn't it implied that the moons are lowkey the planets' children? Like how the Sun's children is the planets? Isn't the planets treating the moons like children...normal? In some way. Like, there's still some parents who sometimes treat their teenagegrown adult child like children a bit. And ngl, the only problem for me about Saturn and Jupiter is they have favoritism and they can't memorize all their Moons names.
Like in "What if the planets were ordered by size? Part 2" The Sun said "Aww, you all have grown up so much after this experience" and made them repeat "I must always stay in my orbit" like a parent after teaching their child a lesson.
Same goes to Mars, In "What if the moon went away? He said to The Moon (Luna) "Go over there where Phobos and Demos are orbiting" which is literally just a rewording of (in human terms) "Go over there where Phobos and Demos are PLAYING"
And in "The moons of Neptune" he said "Well, I am happy you're sticking together and making new friends!!" and on "The Moon Club Part 1" he says "Go have fun with your friends, and take care of the little ones while your at it" Which is so very cool, chill, fun, laidback dad of him.
So, why doesn't Phobos, Demos, The moons of Neptune, and The Planets get upset about it?
Those are the only examples I will give for now. I know I've stated the obvious but those exact examples got me wondering last night? What is Titan and the other moons so upset about? Okay, this is starting to sound like I'm trying to prove a point and like I'm saying they shouldn't get mad at the planets. But I'm not. I promise, I'm genuinely curious. I have nothing against the moons and the moon revolution didn't just fly over my head (it kinda did ngl, my brain was too deep fried when I watched that 2hr+ video.. but i promise i lowkey got their point!!) Anyways, sorry if it's super long and thank you very much for the ones who will answer!!!
Dang, this is so all over the place. My brain really is deep fried. 🕳️🚶♀️
submitted by MariaDelphinium to SolarBalls [link] [comments]
Like in "What if the planets were ordered by size? Part 2" The Sun said "Aww, you all have grown up so much after this experience" and made them repeat "I must always stay in my orbit" like a parent after teaching their child a lesson.
Same goes to Mars, In "What if the moon went away? He said to The Moon (Luna) "Go over there where Phobos and Demos are orbiting" which is literally just a rewording of (in human terms) "Go over there where Phobos and Demos are PLAYING"
And in "The moons of Neptune" he said "Well, I am happy you're sticking together and making new friends!!" and on "The Moon Club Part 1" he says "Go have fun with your friends, and take care of the little ones while your at it" Which is so very cool, chill, fun, laidback dad of him.
So, why doesn't Phobos, Demos, The moons of Neptune, and The Planets get upset about it?
Those are the only examples I will give for now. I know I've stated the obvious but those exact examples got me wondering last night? What is Titan and the other moons so upset about? Okay, this is starting to sound like I'm trying to prove a point and like I'm saying they shouldn't get mad at the planets. But I'm not. I promise, I'm genuinely curious. I have nothing against the moons and the moon revolution didn't just fly over my head (it kinda did ngl, my brain was too deep fried when I watched that 2hr+ video.. but i promise i lowkey got their point!!) Anyways, sorry if it's super long and thank you very much for the ones who will answer!!!
Dang, this is so all over the place. My brain really is deep fried. 🕳️🚶♀️
2024.06.02 05:25 KevinR1990 I Saw the TV Glow (2024) [Supernatural, Teen, Queer Horror]
I Saw the TV Glow (2024)
Rated PG-13 for violent content, some sexual material, thematic elements and teen smoking
Score: 4 out of 5
I Saw the TV Glow is a movie that's probably gonna stick with me for a while. Even as somebody who didn't necessarily have the queer lens that writedirector Jane Schoenbrun brought to the film, it still hit me like a sack of bricks, a fusion of nostalgia for the kids' and teen horror shows of the '90s, a deconstruction of that nostalgia and of our relationship with the media we love, a coming-of-age tale about not fitting in and living in a miserable world, and modern creepypasta and analog horror influences, all building to an ending where the anticlimactic note it wrapped up on wound up serving as a very grim and appropriate coda suggesting that nothing good will happen after. It's a film where I was able to put together the pieces of the story and figure out where it was headed after a certain point, but the journey was a lot more important than the destination here, serving up a moody, weird tale that felt like something pulled out of both my childhood and my adulthood in equal measure. If you're expecting a simple horror tale with big frights and easy answers, this will probably leave you scratching your head at the end, but if you want a movie with a smart and wrenching plot, compelling characters, and a hell of a sense of style that's quietly chilling without really being in-your-face scary, this is one you probably won't soon forget.
The film starts out in the late '90s in an anonymous middle-class suburb that, while it was never explicitly stated where it's supposed to be, I figured out was New Jersey right away even before the credits rolled and I saw that, sure enough, this was filmed in Verona and Cedar Grove, such was the familiarity of the scenery from my own childhood. Our protagonists Owen and Maddy are a pair of awkward teenagers who slowly bond over their shared fandom of The Pink Opaque, a kids' horror series that airs on the Young Adult Network (a fairly obvious pastiche of Nickelodeon) and is inspired by shows like Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The protagonists of The Pink Opaque, Isabel and Tara, are a pair of teenage girls who developed a psychic connection at summer camp that they use to fight various monsters, as well as an overarching villain named Mr. Melancholy. For Maddy, the show is an escape from her abusive home life, while for Owen, it's a guilty pleasure that he has to watch by way of Maddy taping it every Saturday night at 10:30 and giving him the tape the following week, as not only does it air past his bedtime but his father looks askance at it for being a "girly" show. Things start to get weird once the show is canceled on a cliffhanger at the end of its fifth season -- and shortly after, Maddy mysteriously disappears, leaving only a burning TV set in her backyard.
I can't say anything more about the plot without spoilers other than the broadest strokes. On the surface, a lot of the story that transpires here, that of a creepy kids' show that may be more than it seems, is reminiscent of Candle Cove, only drawing less of its inspiration from '70s local television than from '90s Nickelodeon, Fox Kids, and The WB. But while Candle Cove was a brisk, one-off campfire tale that you can probably read in five to ten minutes (which you should, by the way), this is something with a lot more on its mind. It's a film about a life wasted, one where the real horror is psychological and emotional as Owen realizes that he's trapped in a life he shouldn't be trapped in, and it would not have worked without Justice Smith's performance as the film's central dramatic anchor. From everything I've seen him in, Smith is a guy who specializes in playing awkward nerds like Jesse Eisenberg or Michael Cera, and here, he takes that in a distinctly Lynchian direction as somebody who can't shake the feeling that he's living a lie but is either unable or unwilling to say precisely what it is. After the first act, this becomes a film about a man who's spinning his wheels in life, and not even checking off the boxes expected of a man like him to be considered "successful" seems to solve it. He narrates the film at various points, and as it goes on, it becomes hard not to wonder if even he believes what he's saying. Watching him, I saw traces of myself living in Florida until last year, spinning my own wheels in either school, menial jobs, or just sitting at home doing nothing. He's somebody whose arc struck close to home, and I imagine that, even if one discounts the fairly overt "closeted trans person" metaphors his character is wrapped in, a lot of viewers will probably get bigger chills seeing themselves in him than they will from the sight of Mr. Melancholy. Brigette Lundy-Paine, meanwhile, plays Maddie as either the one person who understands what's going on or somebody who's let her devotion to an old TV show completely consume her and drive her to madness, and while I won't say what direction the film leans in, I will say that it was still a highly compelling performance that forced me to question everything I witnessed on screen.
And beyond just the events of the story, the biggest thing the film had me questioning was nostalgia. In many ways, this is a movie about our relationship with the past, especially the things we loved as children. In many ways, it can be ridiculous the attachment we have to childhood ephemera, holding up old shows, books, movies, and games as masterpieces of storytelling only to go back to them years later and realize that they do not hold up outside of our memories of better times. It fully gets the appeal of wanting to pretend otherwise, but it is also honest about the fact that a lot of stuff we adored as kids was pretty bad. There are several scenes in this movie that show us scenes from The Pink Opaque, and Schoenbrun faithfully recreated the low-budget, 4:3 standard-definition TV look of many of those shows -- warts and all, as Owen realizes later in the film when we see one of the cheesiest things I've ever seen passed off as children's entertainment. There are many ways to read the story here and how it plays out, but one thing at its core that is unmistakable is that nostalgia is a liar.
It doesn't hurt, either, that this is a beautiful film to watch. It may be about how the main reason we're nostalgic for the past is because they were simpler times when we had lower standards, but Schoenbrun still makes the late '90s and '00s look magical, even if it comes paired with a sort of bleakness in the atmosphere that never lets up. The constant feeling of overcast moodiness is not only visually gripping, it serves the film's themes remarkably well, creating the feeling that, even during the protagonists' wondrous childhoods, there's something lurking just out of frame that isn't right and is going to make their lives miserable. The monster design, much of it first seen on The Pink Opaque, was an odd mix of cheesy and genuinely creepy that not only served as a loving homage to the '90s kids'/teen horror shows that this movie was referencing, but still managed to work in the story, especially once shit gets real and those dumb-looking monsters suddenly become the scariest damn things your 12-year-old self ever watched. There aren't a lot of big jump scares here; rather, this is a movie powered by themes and performances, with Maddy's third-act speech in particular suddenly having me take another look at shows like Buffy and Angel that I grew up with in a completely different light. (Damn it, why did Lost have to be so mind-screwy and reality-fiddling that I could suddenly draw all manner of disquieting conclusions about it?)
The Bottom Line
I Saw the TV Glow isn't for everyone, but it's still a highly potent tale of nostalgia and growing up that wears its affection for its inspirations on its sleeve and has a very solid, engaging, and chilling core to it. Whether you're a child of the '90s and '00s, non-heteronormative, or simply in the mood for an offbeat teen horror movie, this is one to check out, and one I'll probably be thinking about for a long time.
https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2024/06/review-i-saw-tv-glow-2024.html>
submitted by KevinR1990 to HorrorReviewed [link] [comments]
Rated PG-13 for violent content, some sexual material, thematic elements and teen smoking
Score: 4 out of 5
I Saw the TV Glow is a movie that's probably gonna stick with me for a while. Even as somebody who didn't necessarily have the queer lens that writedirector Jane Schoenbrun brought to the film, it still hit me like a sack of bricks, a fusion of nostalgia for the kids' and teen horror shows of the '90s, a deconstruction of that nostalgia and of our relationship with the media we love, a coming-of-age tale about not fitting in and living in a miserable world, and modern creepypasta and analog horror influences, all building to an ending where the anticlimactic note it wrapped up on wound up serving as a very grim and appropriate coda suggesting that nothing good will happen after. It's a film where I was able to put together the pieces of the story and figure out where it was headed after a certain point, but the journey was a lot more important than the destination here, serving up a moody, weird tale that felt like something pulled out of both my childhood and my adulthood in equal measure. If you're expecting a simple horror tale with big frights and easy answers, this will probably leave you scratching your head at the end, but if you want a movie with a smart and wrenching plot, compelling characters, and a hell of a sense of style that's quietly chilling without really being in-your-face scary, this is one you probably won't soon forget.
The film starts out in the late '90s in an anonymous middle-class suburb that, while it was never explicitly stated where it's supposed to be, I figured out was New Jersey right away even before the credits rolled and I saw that, sure enough, this was filmed in Verona and Cedar Grove, such was the familiarity of the scenery from my own childhood. Our protagonists Owen and Maddy are a pair of awkward teenagers who slowly bond over their shared fandom of The Pink Opaque, a kids' horror series that airs on the Young Adult Network (a fairly obvious pastiche of Nickelodeon) and is inspired by shows like Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The protagonists of The Pink Opaque, Isabel and Tara, are a pair of teenage girls who developed a psychic connection at summer camp that they use to fight various monsters, as well as an overarching villain named Mr. Melancholy. For Maddy, the show is an escape from her abusive home life, while for Owen, it's a guilty pleasure that he has to watch by way of Maddy taping it every Saturday night at 10:30 and giving him the tape the following week, as not only does it air past his bedtime but his father looks askance at it for being a "girly" show. Things start to get weird once the show is canceled on a cliffhanger at the end of its fifth season -- and shortly after, Maddy mysteriously disappears, leaving only a burning TV set in her backyard.
I can't say anything more about the plot without spoilers other than the broadest strokes. On the surface, a lot of the story that transpires here, that of a creepy kids' show that may be more than it seems, is reminiscent of Candle Cove, only drawing less of its inspiration from '70s local television than from '90s Nickelodeon, Fox Kids, and The WB. But while Candle Cove was a brisk, one-off campfire tale that you can probably read in five to ten minutes (which you should, by the way), this is something with a lot more on its mind. It's a film about a life wasted, one where the real horror is psychological and emotional as Owen realizes that he's trapped in a life he shouldn't be trapped in, and it would not have worked without Justice Smith's performance as the film's central dramatic anchor. From everything I've seen him in, Smith is a guy who specializes in playing awkward nerds like Jesse Eisenberg or Michael Cera, and here, he takes that in a distinctly Lynchian direction as somebody who can't shake the feeling that he's living a lie but is either unable or unwilling to say precisely what it is. After the first act, this becomes a film about a man who's spinning his wheels in life, and not even checking off the boxes expected of a man like him to be considered "successful" seems to solve it. He narrates the film at various points, and as it goes on, it becomes hard not to wonder if even he believes what he's saying. Watching him, I saw traces of myself living in Florida until last year, spinning my own wheels in either school, menial jobs, or just sitting at home doing nothing. He's somebody whose arc struck close to home, and I imagine that, even if one discounts the fairly overt "closeted trans person" metaphors his character is wrapped in, a lot of viewers will probably get bigger chills seeing themselves in him than they will from the sight of Mr. Melancholy. Brigette Lundy-Paine, meanwhile, plays Maddie as either the one person who understands what's going on or somebody who's let her devotion to an old TV show completely consume her and drive her to madness, and while I won't say what direction the film leans in, I will say that it was still a highly compelling performance that forced me to question everything I witnessed on screen.
And beyond just the events of the story, the biggest thing the film had me questioning was nostalgia. In many ways, this is a movie about our relationship with the past, especially the things we loved as children. In many ways, it can be ridiculous the attachment we have to childhood ephemera, holding up old shows, books, movies, and games as masterpieces of storytelling only to go back to them years later and realize that they do not hold up outside of our memories of better times. It fully gets the appeal of wanting to pretend otherwise, but it is also honest about the fact that a lot of stuff we adored as kids was pretty bad. There are several scenes in this movie that show us scenes from The Pink Opaque, and Schoenbrun faithfully recreated the low-budget, 4:3 standard-definition TV look of many of those shows -- warts and all, as Owen realizes later in the film when we see one of the cheesiest things I've ever seen passed off as children's entertainment. There are many ways to read the story here and how it plays out, but one thing at its core that is unmistakable is that nostalgia is a liar.
It doesn't hurt, either, that this is a beautiful film to watch. It may be about how the main reason we're nostalgic for the past is because they were simpler times when we had lower standards, but Schoenbrun still makes the late '90s and '00s look magical, even if it comes paired with a sort of bleakness in the atmosphere that never lets up. The constant feeling of overcast moodiness is not only visually gripping, it serves the film's themes remarkably well, creating the feeling that, even during the protagonists' wondrous childhoods, there's something lurking just out of frame that isn't right and is going to make their lives miserable. The monster design, much of it first seen on The Pink Opaque, was an odd mix of cheesy and genuinely creepy that not only served as a loving homage to the '90s kids'/teen horror shows that this movie was referencing, but still managed to work in the story, especially once shit gets real and those dumb-looking monsters suddenly become the scariest damn things your 12-year-old self ever watched. There aren't a lot of big jump scares here; rather, this is a movie powered by themes and performances, with Maddy's third-act speech in particular suddenly having me take another look at shows like Buffy and Angel that I grew up with in a completely different light. (Damn it, why did Lost have to be so mind-screwy and reality-fiddling that I could suddenly draw all manner of disquieting conclusions about it?)
The Bottom Line
I Saw the TV Glow isn't for everyone, but it's still a highly potent tale of nostalgia and growing up that wears its affection for its inspirations on its sleeve and has a very solid, engaging, and chilling core to it. Whether you're a child of the '90s and '00s, non-heteronormative, or simply in the mood for an offbeat teen horror movie, this is one to check out, and one I'll probably be thinking about for a long time.
2024.06.02 04:53 Early_Waltz20 21m looking for a long term friend
Hey hey honestly I haven't had much luck finding a long term friend and I thought I'll give it one last try. I'm 21 from the Caribbean I enjoy hiking cooking and just chilling back listening to music. I'm kinda shy at first but after awhile u can have me talking for hours. I'm not really sure what to say again lol I also enjoy voice calls. it's alright if you don't enjoy calls.
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
submitted by Early_Waltz20 to textfriends [link] [comments]
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
2024.06.02 04:52 Early_Waltz20 21m looking for a long term friendship
Hey hey honestly I haven't had much luck finding a long term friend and I thought I'll give it one last try. I'm 21 from the Caribbean I enjoy hiking cooking and just chilling back listening to music. I'm kinda shy at first but after awhile u can have me talking for hours. I'm not really sure what to say again lol I also enjoy voice calls. it's alright if you don't enjoy calls.
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
submitted by Early_Waltz20 to chat [link] [comments]
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
2024.06.02 04:51 Early_Waltz20 21m looking for a long term friendship
Hey hey honestly I haven't had much luck finding a long term friend and I thought I'll give it one last try. I'm 21 from the Caribbean I enjoy hiking cooking and just chilling back listening to music. I'm kinda shy at first but after awhile u can have me talking for hours. I'm not really sure what to say again lol I also enjoy voice calls. it's alright if you don't enjoy calls.
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
submitted by Early_Waltz20 to NextBestBro [link] [comments]
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
2024.06.02 04:50 Early_Waltz20 21m looking for a long term friendship
Hey hey honestly I haven't had much luck finding a long term friend and I thought I'll give it one last try. I'm 21 from the Caribbean I enjoy hiking cooking and just chilling back listening to music. I'm kinda shy at first but after awhile u can have me talking for hours. I'm not really sure what to say again lol I also enjoy voice calls. it's alright if you don't enjoy calls.
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
submitted by Early_Waltz20 to InternetFriends [link] [comments]
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
2024.06.02 04:47 Early_Waltz20 21m looking for a long term friend
Hey hey honestly I haven't had much luck finding a long term friend and I thought I'll give it one last try. I'm 21 from the Caribbean I enjoy hiking cooking and just chilling back listening to music. I'm kinda shy at first but after awhile u can have me talking for hours. I'm not really sure what to say again lol I also enjoy voice calls. it's alright if you don't enjoy calls.
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
submitted by Early_Waltz20 to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
2024.06.02 04:46 Early_Waltz20 21m looking for a long term friend
Hey hey honestly I haven't had much luck finding a long term friend and I thought I'll give it one last try. I'm 21 from the Caribbean I enjoy hiking cooking and just chilling back listening to music. I'm kinda shy at first but after awhile u can have me talking for hours. I'm not really sure what to say again lol I also enjoy voice calls. it's alright if you don't enjoy calling.
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
submitted by Early_Waltz20 to Needafriend [link] [comments]
I'm really hopping I find someone a best friend for life
Feel free to message
2024.06.02 04:14 S0orYa Debt Trap.
Me(19M) and my roommate(19M) have been to his village for the vacations and on yesterday's evening while we're chilling,3-4 debt collectors came and made a mess around. Till that time,he also has no idea what's going around as the family finances are managed by his single mother.
So my friend(20M) are a family of 3(Lil brother and single mother).His mother is a government Teacher and earning around 38k PM(sole breadwinner). He lost his father to cancer in 2019.They had some debts due to the hospital bills for around 4-5 lakhs from relatives without any intrest. Later in 2021,Aunty decided to build a home as their house(80 YO) needed a lot of maintenance, she never wanted to reconstruct that and thought of building a new home.She had no savings at that time as they paid the debt from relatives and also a chunk goes towards children's education.
At that time she had no knowledge about loans and finances.so she directly headed to the bank,asked for a loan but rather than giving her a home loan bank gave her a personal loan of 7lakhs. As the raw material price inflated to sky after covid,money ran out.and she headed to a NBFC taking another 5lakhs of PL. Finally they made a 3BHK and moved in. But she failed to manage the finances properly and took loans from local money lenders at 5% intrest per month. Currently the debt is around 18 lakhs and she is paying around 42k monthly including all the emis and intrest to lenders.she has to manage her home and watch before her children's education.so the debt is increasing month after month.
My friend was unaware of these till yesterday and is feeling devastated.They don't have any generational wealth. I suggested them to sell the house and pay off the debts. Aunty has 17years of service left and after 3-4years both of the children are likely to earn.They can start fresh.
Any advice will be helpful. Thank you in advance.
submitted by S0orYa to personalfinanceindia [link] [comments]
So my friend(20M) are a family of 3(Lil brother and single mother).His mother is a government Teacher and earning around 38k PM(sole breadwinner). He lost his father to cancer in 2019.They had some debts due to the hospital bills for around 4-5 lakhs from relatives without any intrest. Later in 2021,Aunty decided to build a home as their house(80 YO) needed a lot of maintenance, she never wanted to reconstruct that and thought of building a new home.She had no savings at that time as they paid the debt from relatives and also a chunk goes towards children's education.
At that time she had no knowledge about loans and finances.so she directly headed to the bank,asked for a loan but rather than giving her a home loan bank gave her a personal loan of 7lakhs. As the raw material price inflated to sky after covid,money ran out.and she headed to a NBFC taking another 5lakhs of PL. Finally they made a 3BHK and moved in. But she failed to manage the finances properly and took loans from local money lenders at 5% intrest per month. Currently the debt is around 18 lakhs and she is paying around 42k monthly including all the emis and intrest to lenders.she has to manage her home and watch before her children's education.so the debt is increasing month after month.
My friend was unaware of these till yesterday and is feeling devastated.They don't have any generational wealth. I suggested them to sell the house and pay off the debts. Aunty has 17years of service left and after 3-4years both of the children are likely to earn.They can start fresh.
Any advice will be helpful. Thank you in advance.
2024.06.02 04:03 Alguien-01 AITA for leaving? Part I
My (22F) ex (25M) never called me "girlfriend." For context, we started flirting in HS senior year (I was 17 and he was 20) and then kissed a couple months after that. I’m not from the USA, and in my country, you have to ask the girl formerly if you can be a couple even if you already kissed each other.
Well, he never asked me, and it was a little bit weird to me. He invited me to his house a lot of times, and I went (we never had intimacy as I made a promise to myself to do it after marriage or with The One). I told him about it, and he understood. He never tried to force me to do it if I was not ready, but I gave him pleasure with my mouth and hands. So, every time I went to his home, I did it, but it felt awful because after doing it, he basically made me leave because he “had something to do." I told him several times that it was making me feel used and like a toy. Also, I asked what we were and what I was to him, and he always answered with the same thing: “You are my *****(I will not say it, as it was personal), but he never ever said that we were a couple, and if I wanted to go on a date, he always refused. We were not allowed to be seen together outside, and the only day that happened was because I went where he was (already outside), and then we left for his home. I know, I was dumb; he was giving me a lot of reasons to leave, but, even though he was not my first "boyfriend,” he became my first love, and I did love him a lot. Every other day he was going to parties, and I’m not a jealous person, so every time he was outside we were chatting, and at the beginning it was ok for me because I was underage and my parents never let me, but it was a never-ending party. I think he wanted to chill out with me but started feeling something else because he told me if we broke up, he was going to drink for days with his brother.
I cannot say he didn’t talk about his past, and I wanted to work on that with him.
Then he went to college in another county. I told him I could go visit, and he refused. Then we were in FaceTime with other friends, and one of my girls told me, “Ask him if he is loyal to you,” which I did ask but not at that moment, and he did not respond at first and then said yes. But I did not feel like he was being honest. Still, I didn’t leave. Well, our communication was decreasing. But I wanted to make every effort for whatever that was.
submitted by Alguien-01 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Well, he never asked me, and it was a little bit weird to me. He invited me to his house a lot of times, and I went (we never had intimacy as I made a promise to myself to do it after marriage or with The One). I told him about it, and he understood. He never tried to force me to do it if I was not ready, but I gave him pleasure with my mouth and hands. So, every time I went to his home, I did it, but it felt awful because after doing it, he basically made me leave because he “had something to do." I told him several times that it was making me feel used and like a toy. Also, I asked what we were and what I was to him, and he always answered with the same thing: “You are my *****(I will not say it, as it was personal), but he never ever said that we were a couple, and if I wanted to go on a date, he always refused. We were not allowed to be seen together outside, and the only day that happened was because I went where he was (already outside), and then we left for his home. I know, I was dumb; he was giving me a lot of reasons to leave, but, even though he was not my first "boyfriend,” he became my first love, and I did love him a lot. Every other day he was going to parties, and I’m not a jealous person, so every time he was outside we were chatting, and at the beginning it was ok for me because I was underage and my parents never let me, but it was a never-ending party. I think he wanted to chill out with me but started feeling something else because he told me if we broke up, he was going to drink for days with his brother.
I cannot say he didn’t talk about his past, and I wanted to work on that with him.
Then he went to college in another county. I told him I could go visit, and he refused. Then we were in FaceTime with other friends, and one of my girls told me, “Ask him if he is loyal to you,” which I did ask but not at that moment, and he did not respond at first and then said yes. But I did not feel like he was being honest. Still, I didn’t leave. Well, our communication was decreasing. But I wanted to make every effort for whatever that was.
2024.06.02 03:53 El_rap_de_Killer_Bee Kids are scary guys help
 | I want you guys as my fellow asexual comrades to be completely honest here, I already heard what my mother had to say because I told her so I'll tell you too. I was babysitting my cousins, around the age of 7 to 11. We were chilling about the moving castle, school and our favorite colors, just the appropriate kind of conversation until one of them (11 girl that has a morbid way of interacting that everyone notices and has a lot of edgy and inappropriate stuff about her) started asking all of a sudden in front of the other two kids (11 girl and 7 boy siblings, curious but not indifferent) if I would ever be with a woman. And I didn't know what to do, I mean I'm already 16 and I should be able to manage this situation but that question got me... They're not ignorants and they're pretty clever, mostly the two siblings who panicked when she asked me that but at the same time they wanted to hear my answer so they started like "oh don't worry, it's okay and it doesn't have nothing wrong" and the little man even said "i already know where they come from" and I robotically told them "listen kids you're way too young for this conversation and it gets me shy don't do tratsch, don't be nossy haha" but it still made me feel uncomfortable haha I mean they're children I know but it was all of a sudden. And well, the sibling girl got a lil bit stuck with it and asked me again, just her. And I told my mother that I didn't want to be discussing sexuality with kids because I feel it's not my responsibility and second I feel gross talking about it with them when we were on our own, like their parents were just a few steps away but I still didn't feel okay doing it, it would've make me feel like a groomer (because I was groomed and I'm scared of ever doing the remotely similar thing, they say it's OCD but maybe it's just another symptom of my CPTSD or maybe you'll say it's common sense. I'm scared, I'll tell you what my mother said in a second). And I don't want her to be like "oh such a taboo" neither. So I just said "I find a lot of people pretty and loveable and that doesn't mean I want to do what (the boy) says at all", and she was like "oh I got it, I was about to say I was that too but I confused it another orientation" and I was like "yea tell me, maybe I know how is it called" but then we switch topics again because obviously they're kids, they're not like diving too deep in stuff and that was cool. And that's all, the little man said to me that "liking just yourself it's cool, girl" and I was like "hell yeah that's exactly what I meant petite one" and actually that was pretty cool. And the girl who started the question got away with the boy after finishing it, she's weird. So I talked to my mother and she seriously wasn't joking around because she also believes it's delicate. She told me that I can't put on an eleven-yard shirt, "if you're already Incomfortable and suspecting something's out of place, you have to stop right there because what if you later listen to them being influenced by what you said or what if they only get confused, she who doesn't get in the way helps more, that's a you thing, you don't need to say that to everybody and you should've clarified it's a private spot you'd rather keep unknown until they're older, and if they insist, guide them to their parents or to a reliable and scientific source" obviously I'm paraphrasing plus we don't speak English. All I answered was "I just wished it didn't matter that much and in that morbid kind of way" and she empathize with it, knowing that if I just were heterosexual or even a lesbian, it'll be easier to explain because they already know they exist. And just to be clear, I don't want this to become a suffering competition, that's bullshit, all I'm saying is that as an ace you anticipate to explain and forget what to do if they already know the song. And I just never imagined I would've been in this situation. Maybe you're thinking I'm way too stupid for not just give them the plane, I just really want to know how to deal with this creatures because they love me so much and I just want them to continue being as clever and nobles as they are haha and if I fucked up I want you to be brutally honest, my mother doesn't want me to never talk about it, she says there'll be a time for it and that I can't expect much when even adults don't understand. Thanks Fiona Apple that I still got my friends online, classmates and my older family members who figured or I got the confidence to tell them so I don't feel alone, that's not the point of this. I hope that if the 11 old research by themselves about these questions, they'll get the answers they long for. I just didn't know how to be and if I even had the right to be the one giving those answers to them. My mother scolds me for always excessively explaining, I'm doing it right now and I still believe it's not enough. submitted by El_rap_de_Killer_Bee to actualasexuals [link] [comments] If you had been in this situation, tell me your hypothetical story. |
2024.06.02 03:41 Trash_Tia I was part of a junior detective gang in a small town with no monsters. So, we decided to make our own.
When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
Do YOU need our help? We can find/solve anything! Contact us on the number below. (We take donations!)
When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
But he did smile.
Yes, my gang were psychos.
But I kind of maybe loved it.
“I don't even wear glasses!”
submitted by Trash_Tia to TheCrypticCompendium [link] [comments]
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
Do YOU need our help? We can find/solve anything! Contact us on the number below. (We take donations!)
When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
But he did smile.
Yes, my gang were psychos.
But I kind of maybe loved it.
“I don't even wear glasses!”