Nice things to say to a girlice%20thing

Ok so I am 100% aware that this was childish, dumb and that it's a creepy thing to do to someone, it can scare people and is all around irresponsible. I do not need you to tell me that as I am well aware. This happened in Luxembourg, Europe. I was with a few friends tonight and we were drunk. We were saying our goodbyes parked in a street until one of my friends said that a house, or apartment, we're not sure what it was, had their front door open. My friend then said let's go inside as a joke. We didn't go inside this persons house but my friend went to their front door, again, it was open and clicked on their light, the light was inside the house (or apartment) directly by the door and we all ran away. We got inside our cars but then the person that lives there came out and made pictures of our cars and pretended to talk to the police. They didn't talk to us and the police never came. Now I know we should just stand by our mistakes but still can anyone tell me what crime we committed by doing this and what punishment we can expect?

I recently visited my parents/my childhood home and found that my old laptop(Brand = HP ; OS = Windows) was still there in a random storage bin(stored inside the home in a climate controlled area FWIW.)
I plugged it in and tried to boot it up and(not surprisingly) nothing happened. Nothing happening whether on the screen or any noise from the laptop. Just a black screen. I assume it's completely dead.
I don't have anything critical on it obviously, but for nostalgia purposes would love to recover all of the files off the hard drive. It would have all the photos from my high school and early college years, and an archive of my AIM chats(I met my future wife around this time so it would have all of our first chats and pictures together.)
What would be the best way to go about making this happen? I'd say I have average tech savviness, but low savviness/confidence when it comes to actually needing to take apart physical hardware. Would be willing to take it to a professional but no idea the cost of such things.
Any guidance is much appreciated.

I seriously need to work on my work ethic/self discipline. Backstory of me: I’m a 24f, highly successful for my age job wise (RN), lifelong anxiety problems, and one parent who didn’t discipline at all, and one who went past extreme ways of doing things.
Work has never been very “kind” to me so to say. My first ever job I got 3rd degree burns on my foot- too severe of anxiety to go back to that job. My second job I got fired from because I couldn’t go to a staff meeting because it was my highschool grad day. My third job- I got fired because I “didn’t look happy enough”. I then became a care aid. I loved it so much I became a nurse.
I don’t remember work ethic being a problem until about 18 or 19. I moved out at 18 so I knew I had to work for what I wanted. But my issue is simply put. I don’t want to work. Once that thought is in my mind, I CANT GET RID OF IT. If I do push through and go to work- I’m a literal anxiety zombie mess. I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate, I can’t communicate properly, and something always goes wrong. The last time I did make myself go to work after thinking about how much I don’t want to go for the past however many hours- I made such a medication error it was actually dangerous. Now I know I obviously can’t work when my brain is all combobulated like that.
But now, it’s happening too often. I’m calling in sick too much and even I notice it. The manager hasn’t said anything yet but it’s only a matter of time (knock on wood). The anxiety rabbit hole is exhausting.
Now I know people are gonna go suggesting “change your mindset” but it’s not as simple as that. In order for me to change my mindset on anything I need a good session of EMDR lol (but not funny??).
So tell me. OTHER THAN changing my mindset AND seeing a therapist (I do) how do I force myself to do things I don’t want to?

Let me start off by saying that my husband (25m) struggles with saying the right thing and confrontation (25f). He didn’t grow up in an emotional household (toxic masculinity to the max) BUT he wasn’t like this at all when we were dating. He was wonderful in college but ever since we’ve gotten married, it’s been really bad. No hugs when I’m having a bad day and when I cry, he ignores it.
As a result of this, our relationship has been stretched thin/teetering the line of divorce for a long time now and I’ve been mentally struggling. I’m currently on psychiatric medication but I’m at the point where it’s not working anymore.
Tonight, I shared with my husband how I was feeling. I explained that I haven’t felt like myself these days and haven’t for a long time. Even went on to express how death seems peaceful compared to the mental hell I endure.
All he could muster up was, “Yeah.”
I sat in silence because of the shock of it. I expected him to say more and maybe comfort me or even hug me but he changed the topic to ask what plans we have tomorrow.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired. I try my best to make him happy and loved and I receive little to nothing back. Is this even repairable?

Hi all,
I feel kind of embarrassed for writing this and not sure how to word it... or even if this is the right subbreddit to ask this on. I'm a 21 year old trans guy.
So when I was 15ish years old, I didn't really have a huge amount of self confidence, no self esteem, not a huge amount of friends. Was a very imaginative teenager. I created an imaginary friend, his name was Tom. He was the more confident version of me, the one who encouraged me to do this thing that I was scared of.
A year or later, I was introduced to a guy. His name was Tom also. He was practically identical to the imaginary friend I created in my head. Boosted my confidence and self esteem etc. I'm not even joking when I say this.
I've always wondered if there was some deeper meaning as to why my imagination friend came to life the way he did.
Thanks for your help and I hope this makes sense.

Hi, For starters, My wife (38F) and I (29M) have been married for 5 years this year, Over the last few months we have both been losing weight and bettering ourselves.
The last 2 months have been really hard on me, I have been having crazy thoughts of her talking to someone else, cheating on me and possibly leaving me, We’ve had our ups and downs over the years and I know I haven’t been the best husband in the world, But she is my everything, we have a 2 year old daughter who we both love dearly.
A couple months ago I started playing a mobile game and that took my attention away from her, She tried to tell me it was annoying her without actually saying it, Well we had a conversation and she told me everything that was ok her mind, How I was always on my phone, not paying attention, supposedly talking to other girls (Never have in anyway aside from banter and never would).
Long story short, She’s now currently doing the exact same thing I supposedly did to her, Constantly on her phone, Not paying attention, all that jazz, I’ve told her prior of how sorry I was and I’m currently doing everything I can to make it up to her and be a better man. Am I crazy or is she doing all of this just to get back at me? I’ve tried talking to her But she says nothings wrong or there’s nothing to worry about yet here I am, constantly thinking that all I keep doing is just making things worse, I love her and I know she loves me, I just don’t know what to do anymore, has anyone been in this situation before? What should I do or say?

My family immigrated to the US when my parents were in grade school. They grew up bilingual (Urdu and English).
I was born in the US and was bilingual until grade school started and then I completely lost (like, down to a few words) my ancestral language.
I am sure this sounds like I am whining, but hear me out. In my area there were many other Indian and Pakistani immigrants. Some kids were born in the US like me, others immigrated when they were young. I was the only one who didn't speak my mother tongue at that time.
At school everyone communicated in English, but the taunting, being accused of being "too Americanized", and "lacking culture" from my peers had a profound impact on me. At the time, my parents were taught by the school that if they spoke my home language to me, my English would suffer. So they said "you won't need it anyways". Obviously they don't know what negative affects would be, and to this day they still disagree with me on this. Heck, if you go on ABCDesis, one of the biggest complaints is when immigrant families don't teach their kids their home language.
I did end up learning Urdu at a later time in life, but I speak with a heavy accent and make grammatical mistakes. However, it gets the job done, and I am happy I was able to do this much. It was not easy thoug, and it didn't have to be this hard.
This sounds crude, but ONE of the reasons I married my wife (who is not from the US) is because she was a native Urdu speaker. Yes, there were plenty of reasons I married her, and this was one of them. We planned to raise our kids speaking Urdu at home.
Since my childhood, things have changed in the world of linguistics. Now linguists say we should speak our home language at home, and that speaking improper English at home can be more damaging than not speaking English at all. It is counterintuitive but it seems to work. Despite all the haters saying my kids will have accents, they don't. Their English sounds like a native English speaker. They also know our home language fairly well considering the limited vocabular (basically just from the home).
Now here is where the issue begins. My wife seems to believe her friends (also immigrants, who are insecure about their English accents). They told her to speak English to the kids so "they won't suffer like us". So...she has started speaking English to our kids when I am not home. I work like 60 hour weeks, so that's a lot of time. My wife has an accent, but she also makes grammatical mistakes. This isn't an issue on its own, but it is relevant.
In a matter of a few months, our 9 year old has started responding in English. Our 5 year old already struggled and only understood our home language, and this is making it worse.
My wife and I have had brief discussions about this. My wife says "how can they learn English if we don't speak English" and "look at you, your English is good because your parents spoke English to you". The difference in my case is that I had a parent that was fluent, and even then this all did come at a cost (self esteem, identify issues).
I have a strong desire for our children to grow up knowing our home language. Besides us (the parents) there is nobody else for them to really learn it from. My parents speak to them in English. My wife's family is overseas and the kids only speak to them via phone/whatsapp a few hours a month. I work long hours, and I am not even the best person to teach them the language properly. How can I convince my wife to resume what we originally planned?

Hi.
I wanted to share my grandfathers story.
My grandfather suffered a cerebral aneurysm in 1969, he was 52 years old. He was paralyzed on the left side of his body. The Drs told my grandmother that if he would do PT, he could possibly regain usage. My grandfather was so down, he would not do the PT. I think money has something to do with it also.
He was in a wheelchair. He had 7 children and my father was 12 when it happened.
He went on to live another 32 years. I was born 7 years after it happened. By then, he was pretty independent.
I have many memories of and with him. I even stayed alone with him many times, not to care for him though. Actually, he cared for me. Sometimes I'd hand him things but the house was accessible for him. He taught me many things and we'd talk for hours.
I never really thought of him as disabled. Although, there were times when we were in public and people would stare. I was extremely protective of him and I'd get in trouble for saying "what are YOU looking at?"
He thought it was funny. I'd ride on the back of his wheelchair and play in his wheelchair when he was lying down for naps. He was one of the most amazing and courageous men I've ever known.
He stayed by himself while my grandmother worked or ran errands. He was very, very funny and always argued that he could drive again if someone would just help him get in the driver's seat.
I say all of this because I only recently realized how rare it was that someone, especially back then, survived an aneurysm.
I don't know if you've suffered one or know someone that has. I just wanted to say, life is possible. Recovery is possible. Even if you are left disabled, life can still be extraordinary. My grandfather went on to see me born, to see me grow and was there on my wedding day.
I owe who I am to that man. If he had given up, idk where I'd be now.
Don't give up. If my grandpa can do it, so can you. You can still impact the world and even be the reason someone has wonderful memories.
God, I miss that old man.

There has not been a specific single incident which has caused me to question this, but the last straw happened a few days ago. This involved her snapping as a minor disagreement and trying to hurt herself, ending up with me, her father, and her brother to hold her down. I truly love this girl, but I go back and forth with whether it is healthy for me to stay. We have been together for 3 years and we live together. She has made many promises to work on her mental health, but it feels like she just keeps relapsing (which I understand, but it is very hard on me as well, not to sound selfish).
There are many things in our relationship that is caused by her anxiety. She has separation anxiety, making it where she does not want me to be away from her for more than 2 nights. She also doesn't like me being out with my friends too long. With trips, whether it be with me friends or family, it can't be more than once every 3 months. If I am gone longer than that, she cuts contact with me and says that she would be better off without this stress in her life. There is always an argument when it comes to me going anywhere without her.
She has barely met any of my friends. We always have a date set, then she feels depressed the day of, then we have to cancel. She didn't even come to my birthday party at our own apartment because she was sacred of a couple of my friends being there (about 4). Now she has made progress and has met one of them, and she says she really wants to meet more, but it never happens.
She can get very defensive and angry about anything changing or not going her way. Usually it ends up with me being ignored and yelled at. Then her coming around the next day, apologizing and trying to find a compromise. This cycle makes me not want to press my opinion on things unless it is very important to me.
Please don't get me wrong, she is my best friend. She makes me laugh more than anyone in the world. We have very similar goals in life, morals, and are very compatible, especially with me being ace. She is super sweet, but her anxiety and depression really gets in the way, usually almost everyday. I don't know if this is enough to warrant giving up on such an amazing person.
TL;DR! My girlfriend has anxiety, social anxiety, depression, and ocd. Do I stick it out until her mental health gets better, or is it time to move on?
I would love some other peoples' opinions. I can add any context needed if anyone wants to know more~
Edit: I am using a burner account

Apologies in my previous post I just had a mental breakdown due to some stressful things in my life. I've been trying my hardest to see some light but haven't seen any. Girls I've dated in my past have left me for other guys and these statistics of girls who cheat and keep back-ups are getting to me.
50 percent of reported UK women have a back -up guy she talks to on the phone whether it be an ex a co-worker. I mean I'm sorry to say to everyone but all girls are awful. I've had two girls in the pass try to flirt with other guys to judge my reaction, friendzone me. It's like they have the exact same dialogue and it's awful.
My conclusion after reading Corey 16 times, studying his videos, seeing the world and women, is that there are no good girls or loyal ones. All most women want is money, someone tall and big. I'm 5ft 6 trying to make money so there's no chances for me. I give my heart and try to respect all people and women but get shit back in return. People say things about how girls will come once you have your life in order but that's just not true and you need to have game, money.
This will be my last post ever and presence online because to be honest I've had enough with women and their bullshit. I'd rather kill myself.

I don’t wanna die, but I don’t wanna live anymore with these thoughts. I’ve suffered from ocd since I was 12, I’m 27 now I believe I might be suffering from existential ocd, an existential crisis or depression. Idk. I keep getting instrusive thoughts about existence. I can’t even look at the sky. I wonder what the point of living if it is to die. We live to die? Like what??? I’m so depressed from this. My brain keeps convicing me life is meaningless. Why seek help? What’s the point, I’ll die anyways. Why not end it now? But the thing is, I don’t wanna die. Death scares me. Also; I get thoughts of, now these fuck me up the MOST. I have an amazing family but my brain says well if you kill yourself it’s fine because yeah they might suffer but they will die too and won’t suffer for long so who cares. I know this is TERRIBLE but this is the thinking I’m having. Or I’ll be dead so I won’t have to see them suffer. I know this is terrible trust me. I also keep getting instrusive thoughts that maybe no one is real so I can just die. I don’t understand how we’re alive right now. Like what the hell is life. I can’t grasp it I’m going crazy fuys. Utterly crazy. Please help. Please please please. I see a psych Wednesday I fear she will diagnose me with MDD and send me on my way.

Context: We were friends for 4 years. He ghosted me a month ago. It happened all of a sudden. I told him I was at the hospital. He gave me no explanation. I begged for us to leave on better terms. He blocked me. I knew he would send this because all he did was alternate between silent treatment , anger bursts and apologies whenever I try to move on. I even knew when he would send it, he sends me messages only late at night. Then he says that apologizing so often to me means I am the abuser. My therapist is aware of him as he also armchair diagnosed me with BPD whenever I was legitimatly annoyed at his abuse. He is avoidant and always comes back. I just don't know what is the balanced thing to do anymore and need new perspectives. I am annoyed he picked this day as I don't want to think about all the hurt he caused but I am also not surprised as I said. What would you do?
TL;DR: I was ghosted a month ago, today is my birthday, he sent me this mail, what would you do/what is your perspective on this?
Mail he sent:
Dear X,
I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I'm sorry for how things have turned so sour between us. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to give you what you asked. I hope you're doing okay, I worry often. I've tried to add you on discord a few times but I guess you're not around or don't want to anymore. No matter what happens you'll always have a place in my heart. I know that isn't believed by you, nor do I expect it to be. I just want you to know that I have a sincere gratitude for having gotten to know you and grow with you through our interactions. Have a wonderful day; may it treat you with kindness.
Y.

I've had this job for a bit over two years now, but even before that I've been passively, non-confrontationally misanthropic. I just kind of accepted that I don't like people; not in angsty, edgy teenager sense born of some singular act of bullying, or anything so dramatic. I like/love my friends and family, and have the capacity for empathy, and am perfectly capable of functioning in society. But at the same time I don't feel any kind of love or goodwill for people "conceptually", if that makes sense.
The primary reason for this has - over the last few years in this job - been consistently affirmed; my "misanthropy" has deepened. That reason being people just having an inherent desire to avoid accountability, and to just want, and want, and want. Age, race, sex, station, none of it matters. I work in health insurance. Obviously, people aren't going to be at the most rational and reasonable when money and their health are involved. But something everyone across the board has in common is a desire to shirk the consequences of their actions, and while I have no issue performing my job and abiding by the customer service policies therein, my "hate" for people just steadily grows.
About 70% of my calls have me thinking, "You agreed to the terms of your insurance contract. You chose a high-deductible plan. "You chose to seek an out of network provider. You chose to ignore the information provided to you regarding X or Y. Just because you want something doesn't mean you get to have it. You are not above the law, and neither are you above the policy you willfully agreed to." Any number of things which are either their willful choice or a choice made in willful ignorance, they will nonetheless seek to abandon accountability, or weasel their way out of responsibility. Old, young, rich, poor, white, black, you can hear the glee, the "can I get out of this?" simmering elation in their voices when you say, "Sure, I can take a look at the claim" knowing fully that they'll be responsible anyway; that they know they should be but think you're a magician who will wipe away it all and give some courtesy free-pass to the things they agreed to. And the anger, the spite that mounts in their voices when you tell them they can get what they want. The complete shift in personality. The feigned ignorance and subsequent rage when you subtly call them out on their performance. These last few months I've started to get a little schadenfreude out it, when dealing with these kinds of people. Before, I was apathetic; now, now I sometimes wake up thinking, "I hope I get to make someone feel despair for the choices they've made." that's not fucking normal, lmao.
I meet my metrics, I do my job, but at the end of each day I grow firmer in my belief that people are fundamentally not-good, because for me, to be "good" is to accept the consequences of one's actions, and I have yet to interact with a single person who is perfectly, completely fine with that. I'm no hypocrite, I've certainly felt the compulsion to. But working in healthcare and dealing with dozens of people from all manners and walks of life has turned my perspective considerably more sour. And I can confidently say I would not bat an eye if any of these people suffered as a result of their choices.
Sorry for the blogpost, lol.

Used some Centos at work, which lead to me swapping from Windows to Debian Stable for a couple years.
I went with debian due to hearing it "just works" and it seemingly be more of a made by people for people distro at a glance.
Avoided messing with much of anything and when I actually ran into issues I either used the Debian wiki or asked the Debian community for help. I use the commandline a bit but I would not say I understand the deep innards of linux at all, and never experimented.
Eventually after a weird nvidia driver update borked my system due to my own incompetence I decided to look into something else with newer packages if I was gonna manage to accidentally break debian's stability anyway.
At that time I discovered nixos. It seems perfect for an idiot like me.
Declarative package management helps with me never remembering what I installed or how I configured a file. And I have been experimenting more than I have with my system in years since if/when I break something I can revert back. Either by pulling an old version of my config for simple stuff, or from the list of old builds when booting.
I have a few issues though that make me wonder if I would be better off with a more conventional distro.

• Horrible documentation. Even if I had no clue what I was doing the debian wiki was at least somewhat helpful. I have heard amazing things about the arch wiki. The nixos documentation is abysmal except for the simplest of things. I had better luck joining discord servers of youtubers that have made nixos videos for help than anything close to official.
  
• The divergence from fhs makes it a tad annoying to get some "normal" linux programs to work. I have only bumped into small things with this so far, like steam tinker launch not working. I am sure there are ways to manage it, but again, since it isn't your standard distro finding help could be a pain for more serious things in the future.
  
• And finally, though it has nothing to do with how the OS functions itself, the weird possibly overblown nix foundation governance drama could maybe effect things in the future. At least to a point where I can't ignore it.
  

So I just wanted to know if I could get anywhere close to the ability to easily "revert" mistakes with something like Arch with a system snapshot tool. I just don't want to be completely out of using my one machine if I can't quickly figure out where/what broke.

I’m living with my parents right now, & this crap really makes me want to not be on earth anymore.
I love my parents, & I’ve tried so hard since small to understand everyone’s side. I was parentified. I’ll stay away from details that may disclose who I am, since I know she’s on Reddit & my sisters may be as well.
I’m going to try to keep it short. I’m livid right now. I know I shouldn’t be. I know I should be calm, but it’s so hard. And my dad doesn’t see it; the things he also says kinda don’t make sense & they’re also cringey. She had a problem with my sister’s husband, who’s a jerk x, 10 & is abusive, & somehow, every time she talks about them, it turns into an issue with me. She doesn’t seem to care to understand that she tells these things to me like I am them. Despite giving me an attitude, when my dad came down, she got calm & said assertively, “why is it that every time I speak, you give me an attitude?” Then she takes passive digs only her & me really get because because I’ve opened up to her. She brings in, of course, something she did to me that was fucked up & minimized it by suddenly calling it discipline over attitudes. And though I know what she’s doing, sometimes I can’t help it. I said something & then decided to walk away.
I’m in my room, so angry. I want to be left alone. And I know n her head, She won.
Something that sticks out to me from when she was younger is that she mentioned hating dolls because they’d be happy when she wasn’t so she used to break them. As a child, I was conditioned to silence or I’d get fucked up if I told a teacher what my dad used to do at home. Showing no emotions kept me safe until I got older. Then in my teen years, she’d tell my sisters I was an emotionless bitch. Now, she won’t stop talking until I feel worse than she does. Problems that do not involve me when it comes to family, I get dragged in.
My head is killing me right now. For years I saw no way out. For a bit I saw the light, but I’m falling back into it. My whole family is so damn dysfunctional. My sisters have narc traits. My dad is arrogant & also narcissistic. My mom actually was diagnosed with it when I was a teen. She’s like her mom. Maybe I am too. I feel trapped. I’m so tired. I feel like idk how to help myself. I feel incapable. I feel like I can’t — Idek what to believe anymore. I’m just exhausted. I’m not crazy. I feel like a weak person; I can’t dissociate as well anymore. My sisters don’t listen to me. My parents don’t listen to me. I’m afraid to open up to my friends too much because they have their own shit going on. I feel like I’m all over the place right now. Days like today make me feel like all the things I do are useless; I wonder if who I am is who I am. If I’m just like what my sisters think of me: brainwashed. I failed myself so hard. That’s why I’m here. I couldn’t even save myself. Maybe I am crazy. I feel like I’m spiraling. I’m sorry to whoever reads this. But also thank you for taking the time.

I’ve been a heavy binge drinker for years, but it took on a new life during the pandemic where I became a heavy binge drinker alone at home. This behavior followed me to a new city that was a really bad fit. Due to boredom and loneliness I would drink heavy at home and do solo bar hops. When I made friends, they ended up also being problem drinkers, which further enabled me, but now, we were drinking together. My drinking was social on occasion but I would say 85% still happed alone.
I moved to a new city 2 months ago and was stuck in this pattern. Last Saturday was the anniversary of my dad’s death and Sunday was mother’s day. I lost my mom a few years back so it’s always an emotional double whammy. I decided to ride my bike (bicycle) around town and check out new bars. Well, at the second bar I switched from beer to whiskey which is something I had sworn off. Cut to 5 hours and many whiskeys later, I got on my bike to ride the short blocks home and almost immediately flipped it. I ate asphalt face first and wound up with 5 stitches on my eyebrow. It was a drastic wakeup call that the way I’ve been living is not sustainable and things need to change. I’ve now been sober for a week with a new perspective. I found a therapist to begin work with soon and overall feel pretty optimistic about breaking these patterns. I don’t know if I’m done with drinking forever, but I know for tonight, I will not drink.

I really don't want to tell them how I feel, maybe because I am too prideful to open up to them, which in hindsight makes me even weaker and more pathetic than I already am and feel.
I tried to get help before, but I feel like it was a terrible mistake. I don't know, it made things very difficult for all of us. I felt uncomfortable with the way they handled the situation, but I didn't dare say anything either. I completely understand that they just wanted to help me and did what they thought was right, and I swear I love them more than anything in this world, but I don't want to ask them to help me again.
They took me to a psychologist, even though I begged them not to... It was one of the most horrible experiences I have ever had in my life, and it's my own fault.
They promised me that they wouldn't tell her about my self-harm, and that was the first thing they did. So she kept talking to me smugly, telling me things about myself that I already knew. I don't remember being that angry before, and I wasn't even angry at her, I was angry at life.
I feel awful; It's like I'm denying the people I love most in the world the chance to help me and sparing them the pain of losing me, just because I'm uncomfortable with it. I don't care much about my life anymore, but I don't want to hurt them, no matter what. I don't know what to do.
I constantly think about death. My brain tells me that it would be the right thing to do, as if by doing so I could get forgiveness from everyone I've hurt in my life; my family, my friends, my teachers... But my heart tells me that I could do them horrible harm if I go through with it.
I don't really believe in God, but I was raised in a Catholic home. Inevitably, the first question that comes to my mind is that if God really exists, that means if I kill myself I'll go straight to hell. So I have no escape.
I don't know... I just want my mind to shut up somehow, and death seems like the only reasonable option. I tried asking a teacher what she thought about suicide in teenagers. She told me that suicide is an extremely selfish act, because you don't take into account the feelings of others or the legacy you are going to leave.
I would like everyone to forgive me if I killed myself, as if it were a kind of self-inflicted justice, but I know that's just wishful thinking; everybody's going to hate me if I go through with it.
I'm sorry, I promise I won't try anything, I just wanted to write this before I went to bed.

Oh I’m a fool. I thought were forever bound. I thought after our talk last night that we were back in this together trying together. You kissed me and said you loved me before you left for work, let me sit there and call you my love, and you’re curled up to me in bed. All of that to just now sit here and say that’s not the case. I’m happy you can just fall right to sleep while I’m here quietly sobbing so I don’t wake you. We could’ve left things where they were yesterday. I told you I seen that you were done and finally understood that. You followed that up with I miss you, I love you, I wish you were home. Why? Why tell me any of that? Why do you not see how that would give me hope just to kill it? Why act like those 3 things were just meaningless things to say to someone who you watched cry all day? How can you sit here and say I thought we were on the same page? You say that I can come over and visit, that we can still hang out…You ripped my heart out tonight. You aren’t just some person. We were engaged. We were to be married. We were supposed to be forever. I just want to curl into a ball and die. Disappear from everything I can’t see because of the mass amount of tears in my eyes and I’m finding it hard to breathe. I don’t know what to do and I’m just so lost. I miss us from a week ago

I (27 F) am in relationship with my boyfriend (32 M) for almost 2 years now. We work at same place. If started as casual relationship. However we went seperate ways after 3months of it and he didn't show any sign that he had any feelings for me. During this time we went to a office trip with all our colleagues and in that trip one of our colleague and me got quite close. My Bf saw us making out and raised the hell stating that I cheated on him and shattered his heart to pieces. After 1 week he apologized for his behaviour and wanted to start afresh. We got into committed relationship since then. Normally he is fine, but whenever he drinks he brings up the incident with my colleague and starts abusing me verbally and physically. He is becoming a threat to even himself in that condition. First this used to happen maybe once in a month, but now it happens every other day. He says I have wounded him unprecedentedly and he would never be able to trust me anymore. This is really taking a toll on my mental health and I'm drowning in depression. I have lost interest in doing the things I love. I used to love food and cooking for people. Now a days it takes me a lot of effort to get out of bed and go to work. I have lost my appetite so almost every day I skip meals once or twice in a day. I have lost weight in past few months drastically. I know he is pain too, but I just don't know how to fix it. I have been utterly loyal and devoted to him since we got back together. I just don't know how to ease his pain.