I’m looking for some advice on where to start and how to go about filing my taxes for 2021. Due to several life stressors and not knowing how to go about filing my taxes that year, I kept putting it off and then forgot. I’m a physician, and in 2021 I got a new job as an independent contractor doing travel wound care work. This was my first time working as an independent contractor, and so I was unfamiliar with how different income taxes worked (e.g. making quarterly estimated taxes, etc.). I think I had made maybe a $1500 payment at some point that year. I had completely forgotten about this until last week when I received a letter from the State of California Filing Enforcement requesting a copy of my 2021 return.
I’m just a little lost on how to even get started with this. My total “nonemployee compensation” that year was $76,360.11. Would hiring an accountant be the best option at this point? Or would this be something easy to do using TurboTax? I just want to make sure that I’m able to correctly apply all of the deductions which include mostly travel costs (I had a lot of driving with that job) and maybe a home office deduction. Do I need to file any sort of extension? And what sort of penalties/fines will I likely be facing?

I will not be specific as I want to remain anonymous out of fear of this being discovered by whoever is mentioned here.
As of right now, I am an autistic high schooler (with potential/undiagnosed BPD) being forced to take band and marching band by my parents. I have all A's and a perfect GPA of 4. Don't get me wrong, my parent and their current romantic partner are fine. I have a roof over my head and food on my plate. The thing is, doing band has made me miserable and I can't quit, but I don't know if it's my fault or theirs.
Right now, I am unable to quit either of these programs because my parent and their partner (I'll call them P1 and P2) literally overlook the entire program. P1 is the band director and partner. P2 is the colorguard director and my bio parent.
I've been forced to do marching band since I was 8. It's an understatement to say that I hate it. The people there are fine. It's playing the instrument and performing that really ticks me off.
I've been forced to do band class itself since 6th grade (during COVID times, you can imagine how that turned out, right?) I still hate it. In 8th, I managed to convince a legal guardian of mine to not make me sign up for band class. When I broke the news, P2 accused me and LG of "conspiring against them." But, in all honesty, after marching season was done that year, the rest of the school year was absolute bliss for me. I got work done so much faster because I never had to worry about music. I did so many personal projects on top of all my school work which I always finished in class. I made more friends not doing band. I felt so good.
Fast forward to now and I dread the upcoming HS years with a burning passion. I don't even get a full summer break as band camp stretches all through July to the beginning of school in August. 9am to 4pm days of nothing but music, and I loathe it. Playing music is my kryptonite. It's the one subject I can't wrap my head around. Math? Easy. Reading? Even easier. Hell, I'd rather write a 5 page essay every week rather than attend band camp. It just doesn't click for me like other subjects.
But my reasons fall on deaf ears. To quote P2 "You like listening to music, playing it shouldn't be any different!" (Yes, they said that. Yes, it's as stupid as it sounds.)
P2's reason of forcing me into band programs is still unclear to me. If it's because I'm a hermit, I made friends in literally any other place than the band room. In fact, I feel more ignored there even when I try to participate in conversation. With every other student, P1 is oh so friendly, laughs with them, and whatnot. But when I open my mouth all I get is a "yeah" or "ok" before they turn around and talk to the other students (which are all mostly cishet white males with the exception of two people.) I honestly just started to shut my mouth again after that. It's also not fun living with that same person.
If their reason was because band could get me a good education, I'm completely capable of that on my own. Like I said, I have a perfect GPA of 4. I'm certain I can do almost anything. And yes, there are a multitude of things I would absolutely persue if band didn't take up my time. Art is my specialty. I've been practicing since a very young age and I've become quite decent at it. Writing is another passion. If neither of those work out, I want to do Psychology, science, or learn computer science, coding, and game design.
At this point I'm directed to think P1 is forcing this onto my because my older sibling also did band, but we're two completely different people. I'm not made for band.
If anything, it stresses me out more. It takes me weeks, at worst a month to even learn the music I'm presented with, and most of that time is spent procrastinating because I really can't bring myself to do it. If it has notes, I have to write each letter down or else I'll never ever learn it.
I feel like I'm justified for hating this program the way I do, but I can't tell if I do or if it's just my attitude. Am I in the wrong? If I'm not, what do I do in a situation like this? Telling a counselor most likely wouldn't help because is most likely they won't do anything because of P1, and it's not like the drama will end when I go home. I'll most likely get betrayed by P2 (and I've had enough of that for a lifetime.)
AITAH?

Had an idea that popped up in my mind that I really wanted to make but I suck at drawing lol. This story is inspired by the mangas 'Play It Cool, Guys', 'Koi Ni Mudaguchi', and 'Nijiiro Days'
Boyband Bootcamp Genre(s): Comedy, School Life, Slice Of Life, Romance, Music
Plot: An aspiring singer-songwriter attempts to recruit a few guys to form their own independent boyband in highschool. From there, he teams up with four interesting characters that will decide his fate. From stories about friendship, hard work and love, these boys partner up to try and see what life looks like as an idol.
Band name: Delight
Band members:
Kentaro Matsui: Kentaro is the leader, founder and lead vocalist of Delight at Class 1-D. Considered an all-rounder, he co-writes, co-produces and edits videos for the group. Affectionately called Ken by his bandmates, he is an aspiring singer-songwriter who dreams of forming his own boyband, ultimately making a poster on his school bulletin board to recruit members for the band. He has an ick for record labels as they don't allow creative control, opting to make music independently for himself and his bandmates. He originally wanted to create the band based off of a Western TV show he watched growing up called Big Time Rush, ultimately igniting his passion for boybands and also once hosted his own YouTube channel where he posted covers of popular songs and even released a couple of originals which were co-produced by Moriya. He is oblivious to Miyu's attraction to him. He is the straight-man of the group, ultimately trying to ease the tension between the members and looks for solutions within their problems but sometimes he butts heads with Naoki when it comes to creative control within the band.
Shuzo Moriya: Shuzo is the sub vocalist, producer, and vice leader of Delight in Class 1-D and is Kentaro's childhood best friend and next door neighbour. As stated earlier, he is the primary producer for the band, as he knows to not only sing, but can create instrumentals of any genre through his computer. Often considered as cold, quiet, mysterious and non-confrontational, Kentaro had to beg him to join his band and Shuzo had no desire to partner up at first, but reluctantly agreed. However, he began warming up to his bandmates, although he is unable to show his appreciation to them. He has a rather deep voice, which makes the listeners get a chill down their spine. He is the only member to not have writing credits on their first track, but was credited alongside Ken for the production.
Naoki Noguchi: Naoki is the main vocalist and the third member to join Delight. He is a playboy, as he loves to fool around with girls and their hearts. His original intention of joining the band was to impress the ladies and make them fawn over him. Kentaro was originally reluctant because of Naoki's intention, but he proved him otherwise, showcasing his strong vocal presence which was a natural talent he used to win girls over, making him the member who gets the most parts in the band. He also has an inferiority complex, often at odds with Kaichi, the most popular member of the group in terms of popularity and looks. Of everyone in the band, he is the only one in his second-year in Class 2-A. Alongside the rest of the band, he helps co-write the music by implementing themes of cool and cute as a subgenre to their lyrics, while also longing for more creative control.
Kaichi Uesugi: Kaichi is the lead vocalist and visual of Delight in Class 1-B. Son of a business corporate, Kaichi gained fame through his school for his looks, maturity and smarts. He originally wanted to enroll in a public school to understand the life of normal people, despite his father wanting to send him to private school. Despite his maturity, however, he is secretly an idol-obsessed otaku who worships idols and wishes to be like one, ultimately making him sign up for the band when he saw the poster on a bulletin board to the surprise of others. He is responsible for covering the costs of the band by renting a warehouse for their music video and providing a dance studio to practice the choreography through his father's money in his home. Kaichi is considered the most popular and best looking member of the group, much to Naoki's chagrin. He is also responsible for bringing attention to the band, simply by promoting himself and his bandmates. He also helps the band practice facial expressions to help them snatch the hearts of girls. Finally, he and Tony are the dance leaders of the band while also helping the others in co-writing their first song.
Hanwen 'Tony' Wu: Preferably called Tony, Hanwen is a Chinese boy from Class 1-C who is the sub vocalist and choreographer of Delight. Much like Kaichi, he is also an otaku albeit in the anime community, especially in the genre of romance. He moved to Japan at the age of 13 through his father's job and quickly began studying its culture and learning the language, ultimately making him a weeaboo. As stated before, he is the choreographer of the band, as he posseses a skillful dance résumé, having won a few dance competitions as a kid growing up in China. He originally intended to join the band to not only sing, but to also provide dance to appeal to their audience, ultimately making him the dance leader, because 'you can't be a proper boyband if you don't have the moves'. He is eccentric, fun-loving and optimistic, and loves to play cupid for his bandmates when they get entangled in their love story. He helps create the steps and helps them practice alongside Kaichi in the lead up to their debut in the Culture Festival. Like the rest of the band excluding Moriya, he helped co-write their first ever single. He also has a long-distance girlfriend that he's been dating since he was 11.
Miyu Aoyama: Miyu is a classmate of both Kentaro and Shuzo at their high-school in Class 1-D. She has a huge crush on Kentaro, and has been silently aiming for him since middle school. She's a little shy and timid, but is also confident within herself. Miyu was hired as a "manager" for the band by Kentaro, and she used this opportunity to get closer to him. Despite not doing much for the band, she has a soft spot for the boys as she can see how much they care for each other. However, she is their social media manager so at least she has something to do.
Ena Miyagi - Ena is a second-year student at the band's highschool and is Naoki's childhood friend. She strongly detests Naoki's playboy personality, often taking responsibility for the actions Naoki does to the girls. However, she has held a secret crush on him for years and has wondered when he will wake up to his senses. She is the music video director for the band, as she has her own camera, and also takes pictures for them for their "promotional matters".
Honoka Kitagawa - Honoka is a shy and lonely student in Class 1-D. She has zero confidence in herself and believes she won't get to experience her ideal life as a student. The only thing she is confident in was in music production, her hobby, by posting music under the stage name 'KitaHono'. She signed up for a Delight Remix competition that the band posted online to a music forum, and took it as an opportunity, unbeknownst to her classmates. She has a secret crush on Shuzo, as she observed his passion for music production as well.
Zhang Xiaoyou - Xiaoyou is Tony's long distance girlfriend from China. They've been dating since they were in elementary school and Tony dearly misses her. She was mistaken by the members as a family member of Tony's and were shocked to find out that she was actually his girlfriend. She is unaware of Tony's otaku obsession.
Chizuru Takayashi - Chizuru is a student in Class 1-B who is a good-looking gyaru. She has a soft spot for boybands and has supported over 15 boybands. She is a self-proclaimed number one fan of 'Delight', even though they haven't debuted yet, and has expressed excitement over their upcoming performance. She is Kaichi's type, as he describes her as 'refreshing' and 'pretty', mainly because she looks like an idol.
Their music will be based on the boyband 'August Moon' from the movie 'The Idea Of You'. Let me know what you think! This was a stupid idea that had a lot of plot potential XD

So I have a friend...sometimes.
Dudes has had a rough go at life, and suffers from a few severe mental illnesses that sometimes manifest in truly horrible ways. He's lost a lot of friends recently because of his idealistic concept of what friendships are supposed to be like, along with hypersensitivity to any perceived slights. He is also not in a great home environment, having to live with his mother who is about as toxic and narcissistic as they come, so the guy never gets to let his guard down.
My problem is how do I remain friends with someone that constantly calls into question my friendship over extremely small matters , which to him, he sees as flaws sever enough to attack me for being a shitty friend. The most recent example is he has to repeat himself sometimes when we are chatting while gaming, and he treats that as intentionally being ignored and being treated as a lower their friend. I'm 40, and my wife convinced me that I am undiagnosed ADHD, as I have trouble maintaining focus, but also prone to over stimulating myself by trying to multitask all the time. She practically has to repeat everything she says to me sometimes.
How do I stay friends with someone like that? I don't Wana lose friends. I'm 40...it's so hard to make new friends this late in the game. I don't like abandoning people, but I also got a life to live, and this relationship is exhausting to maintain.

Over the past year, we've had a friend in our group who has simply stopped coming to any events/hangouts. Whenever they were invited, they'd say no. We (as a group) have continued to invite her for over a year, with the expectation she does not come. On the rare occasion they do say yes, they ask if their partner can come, and then proceed to sit in the corner and not talk to anyone but each other, or even leave the room (to go outside and smoke, or chat to each other in someone elses bedroom) for the entire social event. In turn, people have slowly stopped inviting them to things. This person also makes no effort to keep in contact with friends, e.g. no social media, texting, doesn't respond to group chats, nothing; and makes no effort to organise catch-ups and events with others.
In the past few months, I have moved in with this couple in a shared living situation. I am a very social person who makes a conscious effort to maintain my friendships and relationships with others. Therefore, I'm out every weekend going for walks, having coffees, etc., which I would consider to be very normal.
However, since moving in, this friend has started to passively express how they have felt left out. Mostly, this is through a drop in their mood, glares, passive-aggressive comments, and the most confrontational message has been "I have FOMO haha". Yet, I have continued to invite her along to things where it is appropriate, and expressed that they are always welcome and that we (our friends miss them). The vast majority of the time, they will decline this invite and spend time with their partner instead, or attend with their partner and again - not talk to anyone.
The reality is, most people now no longer invite them, and I feel like there is no point in inviting them either. Yet, when I don't, I get passive-aggressive texts, stares, and mopey moods not only from them - but their partner as well - that I have to deal with every day as I live with them.
Not only does it feel like I cannot have my own social life anymore, as when I hang out with individuals I get glares, but the way this person reacts, and then fails to make any changes makes me really not want to spend time with them either.
On the morning of my birthday, I was yelled at by this person and their partner - that I have been "deliberately excluding both the person, ever since moving in". This was triggered by the fact that I was not prepared to change my birthday morning tea to the following day as the main person could not attend due to a shift at their work (which I did not know about), and the fact that their partner was not in the birthday group chat... However, the partner lived at the house, knew about the party, is friendly with a lot of the people coming, so was, of course, invited.
Am I missing something? Am I really "deep down a nasty person" like they said I am? I've always had a really healthy friend group around me, never had any friendship breakups or major share-living arrangement issues; and now I'm being told that I'm a manipulative and nasty person.
My gut reaction is that they are both insecure and have isolated themselves in their relationship, and are only now realizing how isolated they are after having the direct comparison of me (a social person) in their everyday circumference. In turn, they blame it on me instead of acknowledging they've lost contact with everyone in their social circles... But the words they've said were so hurtful that I can't help but doubt this. What are people's thoughts?

Somewhere between 90 and 95% of openers I get are either "hi" or "hey." So literally anything else puts you sonewhere in the top 10%. Even "HEY ASSHOLE! would at least be memorable. So I wouldn't sweat it too much; the bar is set really low.
If you're really insistent, though, it's thd same sort of stuff women want in an opener, just with waaaayyyy less competition. And if you can somehow prove you're not a scammer while you're at it, even better.
The opener I start with is usually something easy to answer and invites a thoughtful response. Such as, "What is your go to karaoke song?" or "What's your favorite thing about living [insert city]"? or "What's your favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?"
I usually get the conversation started and then if he doesn't match my energy, I unmatch.
One of my favorite opening lines I got from a guy was “Hi there! Let me know what you think of the following:
A white picket fence house, a couple dogs, some nice cars, maybe a boat for weekend trips to the lake, and we can do that for about 5 years until you get sick of me. After that we divorce, I let you keep everything, and we’ll call it a good time!”
Made me laugh and for being an introvert who struggles immensely with conversation this helped relax me instantly.
The online dating world is vast, with a plethora of apps to choose from. However, according to a study by Statista, one outranks them all when it comes to finding love: Bumble. The app, known for letting women make the first move, has since expanded into a networking platform for building both friendships and professional connections. But if you’re still interested in using Bumble for its original intent, you might be wondering how to go about answering all those Bumble prompts, of which there are over 40 to choose from. Here, we’ve rounded up ten of the best Bumble prompts, plus example answers. So fill out that profile, pick your preferred zodiac sign to date (it’s Pisces, right?) and watch the notifications roll in—before you know it, you’ll be needing a spreadsheet to track all those dates.
How Do You Write a Good Bumble Prompt?
The best way to write a good Bumble prompt response is to be honest, specific and positive, according to experts. If you leave your profile generic (or worse, empty), you’re not giving dates enough information to work with so that they can start a conversation. So, focus on being clear about what you want (without being a negative nelly) and don’t be afraid to throw a little humor in there, too. After all, laugher is proven to help us relax, and when we feel at ease, we’re more comfortable sharing about ourselves and learning about others.
The Best Bumble Prompts and How to Answer Them

1. Perfect First Date...

This Bumble prompt is a great way to let potential matches know what you’re expecting, so be specific. “Drinks” is not going to cut it. Instead, write out a little itinerary—it doesn’t have to be incredibly detailed, but it should give someone an idea of what you enjoy. Maybe it’s a picnic in a park. Perhaps you lean towards the classic dinner and a movie, or you love art museums, comedy clubs and bookstores.
What you can say:
Catching a flick (sci-fi or rom-com) followed by dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant in Los Angeles. If the sky is clear, we’d drive up to Griffith Park and have a little La La Land moment.
Picnic in Central Park and then a ride in a rowboat—you’re doing the rowing, of course. We’d top it off with ice cream and maybe a bookstore jaunt.
We’d eat our way through Smorgasburg in Brooklyn and then sit on the pier looking at the Manhattan skyline as the sun sets.

1. I Get Way too Excited About...

Behavioral scientist and author Logan Ury advises that a successful dating profile makes it easy for someone to start a conversation with you. Use this prompt to talk about something you’re passionate about. Restaurant openings, golf, Bluey, painting, opera, rock climbing, cooking, Paris, Marvel...whatever you can’t stop talking about goes right here. Don’t worry about appealing to the masses—the right person, who might also love these things (or just love how much you love them), will come.
What you can say:
Paris in the springtime. I took a gap year there and love going every April to see the cherry blossoms, and one day I’d love to do a tour through Provence to see the lavender, too.
Rock climbing. I’m at the climbing gym at least twice a week and love going bouldering once a month with my club. If you haven’t seen Free Solo, you’re missing out.
Broadway shows. Every year, my dad and I spend a weekend in NYC marathoning every single musical we can get tickets for. I’ve seen Phantom of the Opera five times and yes, I’m crushed that it’s closing.

1. A Pro and Con of Dating Me...

Stay away from the “beige flags” here. Ury has previously explained that beige flags are clichés, and the whole goal here is to stand out. So be honest and own both your pros and cons, all while finding a way to keep it lighthearted. Debbie-downers aren’t good first impressions.
What you can say:
Pro: I’m a great baker, so you’ll always have fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. Con: I’m definitely a planner and being spontaneous can be hard, but I’m working on embracing last-minute adventure.
Pro: I’m on the pulse of the restaurant scene and always have great recs. Con: I can’t stand the MCU. (But I’ll make an occasional concession.)
Pro: I’ll never ask you to TikTok dance with me. Con: I can be slow replying to texts—but I’m working on it!

1. A Non-Negotiable...

This Bumble prompt is important because it can be your deal breaker, however, avoid being super negative. We all have our icks, but as dating coach Lindsay O’Brien has told us, you don’t want to spiral on a list of things you don’t want, because it can imply emotional baggage. (That’s not a bad thing and a lot of us have it—it’s just not something you might want to spill in the “handshake” phase of dating.) Use this prompt to reveal qualities, values and even shared dreams/goals you’d like the person to have.
What you can say:
Great communicator.
You like and are conversational about art, books and travel.
You think living abroad for a few years sounds like an ultimate bucket-list adventure.

1. My Real-Life Superpower Is...

This one can be a lighthearted icebreaker or a lean more serious. Whether it’s a quirky talent or your favorite quality about yourself, share it. Just, as noted above, stay away from the clichés.
What you can say:
Making conversation with strangers and putting them at ease.
Cooking for a crowd.
Somehow always managing to win the Broadway lottery.

1. After Work You Can Find Me...

Here’s another Bumble prompt that can show not just your interests but how you spend your time. If you’re a budding cocktail connoisseur, maybe your future date will find you at the latest trendy opening in the city. If you love art, you might be taking advantage of museums’ free admissions nights before heading home. Tell potential matches how you want to spend your time, so you don’t waste time getting to know people who aren’t interested in those things.
What you can say:
Curled in bed with a book—I live for murder mysteries, Jane Austen and fantasy novels.
At a concert; I’m obsessed with alternative rock and country music.
Baking cookies while watching the latest season of The Bachelorette.

1. I Promise I Won’t Judge You If...

Now is not quite the time to get serious with a heavy hitter, so use this prompt to get silly and show your sense of humor, while potentially revealing your own eccentricities in the process.
You totally trip over nothing on the sidewalk, because I do that at least three times a week.
You haven’t read Pride and Prejudice, as long as you promise to watch the Kiera Knightley version with me.
You have zero sense of direction. Me too.

1. Favorite Quality in a Person...

Here’s a chance to cast a reel for the good traits you're looking for. Again, diving deep is key, so try to avoid things like “nice.” A lot of people and things are nice. Elaborate on what you want to see in a nice person.
What you can say:
The way he/she makes eye contact with the people they speak to, making them feel seen and heard.
Remembering important dates—birthdays, anniversaries—and celebrating them.
Prioritizing others’ needs first, while still having healthy boundaries.

1. I’m a Great Plus One Because...

A lot of your answers to Bumble prompts will be serious. This one is a chance to be less so. Flaunt your funnier side and tell them why taking you to a company party, wedding, family or other social event will be a good time.
What you can say:
I’ll totally stick by you if you’re the wallflower.
I can talk about literally any subject.
My dance moves can’t be beat.

1. A Review from a Friend...

We want to know what other people think, so now’s the time to reel in a friend and have them give you a review. It’s always interesting to see how we are perceived by others, and as your profile is filled with prompts that you’ve answered from your own perspective, calling in a review will give potential matches a look into who you are that highlights qualities you may have glossed over.
What you can ask your friend to talk about:
Your personality traits that they like.
A favorite memory together.
Five reasons they would date you.

1. My Favorite Quality in a Person...

Time to pull out your dream list of a person’s best qualities and...ask for them. (Gasp!) As dating coach Lindsay O’Brien has previously told PureWow, it pays to be clear up front so that the right people can find you. Just make sure to keep it positive, because listing the negatives (ex. Someone who doesn’t [insert quality here]) can suggest relationship baggage. “For example,” she says, “If you don’t want someone who is sarcastic or critical, you can say, ‘A sweet guy makes my heart melt.’”
What you can say:
A sense of humor.
Planner extraordinaire.
Thoughtfulness.

My (now ex) partner (20nb) and I (20f) were reluctantly trying long distance during my study abroad summer program, but have just recently broken up due to miscommunications about my actions trying out being a model on an online site.
Originally, my partner was insistent against long distance at all but I slowly won them over. I was really happy just to try this, because I really love my partner and didnt want to lose them. However, I was often very confused with the status of what was going on between us. Things alternated between being okay and not being okay, though I noticed they often werent satisfied with our relationship for more than a couple days at a time. I long distance was really hard for them, and although I sent gifts and letters and we called often it did not seemed to still fulfill them the way it did me.
Before I left, we had discussed trying out a adult site together because my friends were trying it out and having a lot of success. We didnt have time to actually try out the site together before I left, so I decided to try it out on my own, and I made sure to update my partner when I was working and that it was going good.
I made some big mistakes in that I thought them and I were on the same page about the work, especially since I thought that since we would do it together, it would be a similar situation for me to go about it alone for the purpose of some extra cash and trying something new. Things all the sudden got really bad when I voluntarily shared a detail about a member interaction, I stupidly had been picturing that they knew exactly what the situation was or did not mind since I was never trying to hide anything, and I had never imagined this would hurt them or break us up.
I can imagine how foolish I must seem in the communication I have lacked here. I really love my partner and I am devastated that I have hurt them so much. I have never been in a long distance relationship and had never before had a reason to even imagine a a person to make long distance relationship worth it.
We were supposed to meet up on a trip in two weeks and they have expressed that they still want to, although as only friends and they do not want me to think of it as anything romantic. I expressed that although this will most likely be extremely difficult for me, I obviously still want to go see them.
I acknowledge and take full responsibility for my behavior, Id like to know anyones advice on what might be the best thing to do in this situation. It often takes me an extremely long time to move on from breakups and Ive never loved anyone in this way. They have expressed that time heals everything and that I am can pursue them until maybe I will win them over, but that Ive hurt them very much.
I basically know that I just have to wait, but it is so hard for me to think about anything else. We are so opposite in so many ways which made things hard, but we made each other so happy and we took care of each other, especially when we could be physically in each others presence. If anyone has thoughts on anything I can do to help make this right, please please share.
Thank you everyone

***Throwaway. Not sure if this letter belongs here, but I really need to get this out somewhere. We're currently only a month into NC and I can't handle not being able to send this to her. But, I want to respect her space and will wait until she is ready. anyway, here it is:
I want to begin by stating that the sole purpose of this letter is to take responsibility of all my actions in our relationship, something I couldn't do while we were together due to my immaturity and lack of awareness. I did not take responsibility for anything. I planned on keeping this in my drafts and not sending it. I was afraid of how you would react to this. I'm not anticipating a response from you, I simply want to express this to you because it's long overdue. I never had the chance to sincerely and completely apologize for how I exploited your trust, compassion, and love.
at the 2 year mark of our relationship I started to become manipulative, insecure, needy, immature, and I stonewalled in our arguments/disagreements constantly. I broke down, withdrew from what was going on and tried to avoid it by not communicating back to you, which put a lot of damage on us and especially you as a person overtime. I never made you feel heard. Only now I see how much it has wounded you emotionally and, I truly never intended to cause you such distress. I was completely unaware of how disgusting everything I was saying and doing to you was. It was only after you left that I finally saw the full result of my own actions. While I should have been building you up I was doing the complete opposite. I got jealous over things you never did and that was a reflection of how insecure I was about myself. All you did was try to show me love and compassion every single day and I took advantage of it. How I handled our relationship was completely horrible and I truly regret doing that to you.
I am sorry for the numerous times that I manipulated you into not doing something for our relationship, when in reality it was for my own selfish reasons. Who do I think I am? No person should have control over another person and what they can do or not do in a relationship. I made you sacrifice your happiness and sanity for mine. I selfishly prioritized my own version of happiness and completely rejected your desires and needs. My actions were the result of my insecurities, traumas, and fears, which I deeply regret projecting onto you and I am so sorry for doing so. I am finally seeking the help I need to address these underlying issues. You told me time after time to work on it and I always failed to do so.
if you ever find yourself blaming yourself for anything that has happened in our relationship, please don't. Everything was completely my fault and I could’ve handled our situations more maturely. I had the inability to do what I said I was going to do; by not focusing on the inner work necessary to grow as a person and becoming a healthier partner. I look back at who I was, and I don’t recognize that person at all. I see an immature and childish boy who lost himself, grew complacent and went back to his high school mentality. I remember you saying something related to “i have no self confidence” or something like that and in that moment it was so low that I got offended by it. WHAT A WUSS. I was ignorant about my own issues and didn’t have the courage to do the inner work necessary to grow and as a result I continued to lash out at you or blame my past for the way I am. I couldn't stand myself or look in the mirror and face the person I was; I constantly questioned you and made you feel no trust from my end because I was so insecure within myself.
You were the first person in my life to ever show me what true affection felt like. I have never ever felt anything close to how you made me feel ever since the first night we met. you saw me in a way that no other person could and it felt like you always managed to see the good in me. As Zach Bryan says in his song, "the only bad you've ever done, was to see the good in me." It hits harder now. The day I lost you is the day I finally realized that I pushed you over the edge and I have no idea how I could do that to such an amazing and loving person like yourself. It was only then, that I decided to take action, and actually put in the work to be a healthier and loving partner. I became to comfortable with the fact that I would never lose you. I truly fckn regret it. I don't forgive myself for the way I acted and handled things in the relationship, but I'm growing and learning from the mistakes I made to be a more mature and loving partner. I'm sorry it took all that pain for me to take action.
I refused to respect the boundaries you were giving to me. I didn't listen to the hints you made and didn’t realize that it was something you wanted and needed from me. I overlooked it because again, I wasn’t aware of anything. I completely understand why you are so pissed off and possibly over me. I am ashamed of the way I have behaved in this relationship. no person should have to put up with that AT ALL. I understand an apology alone cannot undo the damage I have done, but I want you to know that I'm committed to making amends, if the opportunity to prove myself ever arises. But, after everything I've done, I don't know if that is or will ever be possible for you.
I just wanted to say thank you for forcing me to rebuild and becoming a better version of myself. you made me want to be more in tune and aware from within. I became so unattractive in your eyes and I know you couldn't stand who I turned into. I grew complacent and lost that happy, loving person you fell in love with. I'm not expecting you to stay as a friend or take me back as a partner. I now completely understand how badly I took advantage of your time and love throughout our relationship. no matter what happens, just know I love you with everything in me and always will, no matter what happens between us. You will always have a special place in my heart until that casket drops.
I'm truly, TRULY, sorry for giving you such an unhealthy commitment for the time we’ve been together.
B.

Hello, I hope you're having a good time! I'm looking for someone whom I can have conversations with in the long term but if you want to have a short conversation, that's okay as well. Who knows if we get along well and end up being in touch for years? I prefer talking to people within the age range of 18–25 as I have talked to older people all my life but it's fine if you're a bit older than the specified range.
Please read the post entirely before you decide to send a chat request or message. It will take about five minutes or more depending on your reading speed. You may skip this post if you can't bother reading it. This is only for people who love reading and typing lengthy messages, because that's the only way we can communicate with each other when we don't get enough time to have real-time conversations. I am mentioning this only to save your time; I don't mean to come off as rude. The messages I send can be way longer than this post if we happen to click, and people who can't read the post entirely won't bother reading my messages properly either, and that would be a waste of time and energy for both individuals. You might have seen my posts very often in case you visit this subreddit on a regular basis, but I assure you that I only post so frequently because I don't receive any responses—and when I do, they're from people who either can't hold a conversation for long or message me without reading the post at all.
A bit about me:
I'm interested in all types of visual and aural arts. Writing, drawing, listening and composing music, watching movies and photography (I'm an amateur though) are my interests and hobbies. I'm broke so I'm not a gamer. I do have a fairly powerful PC but with a low-end graphics card I play older games on. Nothing online though.
Speaking of music, I'm mostly interested in Jazz, Funk, Hip-Hop, R&B/Soul (both classic and modern). I like listening to The Weeknd, Prince, Michael Jackson, Bruno Mars, Sade, Aaliyah, The Isley Brothers and various artists from the 70s to late 2000s generally. I'm a movie buff so I can recommend you movies too if you're looking for something to watch. And yeah, I LOVE MEMES! Keep sending them all day and I won't complain!
I'm an ambivert (more of an introvert though). My MBTI is INFP-T if that matters. I'm looking for people who are willing to share the events which occur in everyday life, joy and sorrow, secrets, deepest fears, and build a genuine connection over the course of time. I'll be there for you throughout the good and bad times; I expect the same from you too. I am active on most social media platforms. We can move on to other platforms once you feel comfortable with me.
Now here's the important stuff:
I would appreciate it if you don't just send me a "Hi/Hello/Hey." Introduce yourself; the longer the introduction is, the better. Makes room for questions. Instead of simply stating that you like movies/music, mention what genres you prefer. Makes the conversation more interesting. Please put effort into maintaining the conversation. Ask plenty of questions with the data I have provided in this post so I know that you're actually interested in getting to know me as well rather than simply talking about yourself. I feel like an interviewer if the conversation is one-sided. Don't bother messaging me if you're not naturally inquisitive and just want to talk about yourself all the time. I won't respond to any short messages (4-8 lines). If you want to leave, don't ghost me without stating a reason if we've been talking for longer than two weeks. Just tell me that we can't get along if you think the conversation isn't going anywhere. I won't get offended.
Your gender, race, sexuality don't matter at all, but tell me your age and gender just so that I know who I am talking to and follow social etiquette. I absolutely love lengthy messages; I don't feel overwhelmed by them. So bonus points if you're capable of typing lengthy messages. I'm a person who would spend an hour(s) typing a well-thought lengthy message rather than having small talk in real time. I type as if I'm writing a letter. I can chat in real time as well, it's just that I don't get much time throughout the day and I'm active at odd hours. And time zones exist, unfortunately. Short messages or long messages, the amount of time and energy you have to spend will be the same anyway.
Please don't message me if you're just looking for people to kill your boredom and later abandon them. No, I'm not being rude. I have had enough. Those one word or one sentence responses lead nowhere. Also, if you're someone who wishes to stay anonymous forever even after talking for a considerable amount of time, I'm not the person you're looking for. This is an important thing to keep in mind. I am open to revealing my identity if we get along well so I would appreciate it if you're open minded as well. But that doesn't mean I want you to reveal your identity in the very beginning itself. However, I won't wait more than three months just for you to reveal your identity if we communicate regularly. In fact, it's a great feat to converse for longer than a month on the internet. I personally think that anonymity acts as a barrier in any kind of relationship. I would love to meet you in real life at some point in the future if we get along and stay in touch for a considerable amount of time.
In the past 12 years, I have talked to several people around the globe on different platforms who wished to stay anonymous. I had conversations with them for months and years, but they always considered me as a stranger and eventually left. I'm tired of being a disposable person. What's the point of having a friend without a name and a face? I have no reason to trust someone who doesn't trust me. You can call me picky; I indeed am. I don't want to have conversations where both parties only ask each other about hobbies and interests and leave once they feel there's nothing in common. That's the reason why I asked you to cover those topics when introducing yourself. And just because I have already talked about my interests and hobbies doesn't mean there's nothing more to know about me. Human connection is a lot more than mere interests and hobbies.
I would love to interact with someone who doesn't treat me like an AI chatbot and acknowledges the fact that I'm an actual human being with feelings and emotions beyond the digital screen who spends his valuable time and energy to communicate with people—precious time and energy that I'll never be able to get back. I understand that these connections over the internet are very fragile and I can't control things the way I want so if you're interested feel free to send me a message anyway. I enjoy having conversations with people even if only for a while. Sometimes people you expect to be in touch for years leave you while the ones you don't expect to be in touch for long end up staying for a long time. Nothing is set in stone. All I ask you is to not leave without notifying me. Yes, I know whatever I have expressed so far sounds contradictory, but that's how life works, right? Reminds me of this quote by Japanese author Haruki Murakami:
"Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another? We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person's essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?"
While I agree with the fact that it's not possible to get to know a person entirely, I think connecting with another human being is a beautiful experience in itself. In the end, we are just lost souls yearning for human connection; searching for people who will provide attention and affection and accept us as we are. If you're still reading this, it means you are a good listener and reader. Message me if we have similar interests or ideals and if you think we can be potential friends. It doesn't really matter whether we have similar interests or not though, I would love to have you as a friend.
There's a lot more to learn about me but I would rather tell you all that when we begin interacting with each rather than typing it all here. Feel free to ask me any questions. I'm open to having a conversation with people around the globe any time. I'm also very patient so I don't mind waiting for weeks or a month if the messages are lengthy. I understand that you might find all of this intimidating, but there's nothing about me to be afraid of. My messages can be lengthy, but only if you reciprocate my efforts and keep on adding stuff to the text. I know that this post sounds like a contract. I know I sound very serious but that's not entirely true. In fact, I can crack jokes sooo bad that will make you laugh. Thank you for spending your precious time reading this post. What are you waiting for? Text me right now! Feel free to message me even if you're seeing this several hours or days later.
Have a nice day/night and I hope you find someone to develop a strong bond with in case I'm not the person you're looking for. Take care of yourself and always stay hydrated!

I signed a lease this year in my college town but ultimately ended up taking a gap year. I had moved in this fall only to run into enrollment issues with my university. I don't want to go into detail but the administrative issues I ran into were really distressing for me. I tried yet again coming back for the second term, but as I couldn't resolve the issues in time to take classes again, I decided to get a subletter in my place. It was an incredibly stressful time for me, and my wellbeing had really declined as a result of it. Overtime I began to feel better after moving back home with my family and seeking treatment. I recently started working part-time and after months of counseling appointments I've now resolved things with my university to come back in-person next academic year.
This gap year was thus not planned, but forced in a sense, and I didn't anticipate it. When I had moved my first subletter in, they were only planning on staying for two months. My roommate knew about it and didn't mind; she was initially worried about it but quickly shared that the girl was really nice and she was worried for nothing. I originally planned to come back to my apartment after these two months and find work in my college town, but since I recently landed this position in my hometown, given that I wasn't taking classes in my college town anyways, I ultimately decided to just keep living at home. The subletter moved out.
About 5 weeks ago, I posted online that I was looking for a subletter to take over asap. My roommate texted me right after; she had gotten a notification for that post. She was upset that I had not told her beforehand and that she had to find out through an online post; she said she thought that we were closer than that. I felt really bad hearing this, since I really did not mean to hurt her feelings. I had thought to myself that I should tell her if I found someone that was interested in the place, but that I wouldn't need to say anything if I didn't even have a person that would want to move-in. Now I realize this was backwards and I should have alerted her that I was looking for someone. Truly though, I had not known myself that I wasn't coming back for more than a few days when I made that post, so I didn't even have the ability to have given her much of a heads up like she had hoped for, as I did not know myself.
I had the full intention of telling her I was going to get a subletter once I had found a person, so I had no intention of not telling her at all, of course. Quite the opposite, I would never have thought to move someone in without first talking to her about it, since she lives there and deserves to know. I just didn't think it really mattered if I told her after I had found a person or beforehand, but I see now that this was a source of hurt for her and I am sorry I made a choice that brought her this hurt. I've reached out to her three times now with an apologetic sentiment asking if we could talk about it, but all my messages have been ignored.
I have not even moved anyone in; at this point I have been paying my rent there for 2.5 months and will not move anyone in until everyone goes home for the summer, so I am not going to be making her live with a stranger like she was worried about. I have and have never had any intention of putting her in an uncomfortable situation. But, she has still been ignoring me for 5 weeks now over this. I really cherished her friendship, and I am confused because we were incredibly close. I know what I did must have really hurt her, but this is really hurting me now. I don't think what I did was a reason to completely stonewall and give me the silent treatment. I wish she could be a bit more empathetic to my situation (struggling with my wellbeing and being unable to continue in university for the year despite wanting to, being stuck in an expensive lease despite not living in the place).
I'm just really upset over this, and I don't understand how someone that I considered such a close and dear friend could feel ready to ice me out in this way. I've told my friends and family about this, and all of them are saying it's unfair that she's reacting this way when finding someone to take over for you after moving out is normal behavior, and everyone I've shared this with has told me that it really isn't a big deal that I posted that before telling her, since it's normal to scope out interest before saying something about it. I honestly just didn't think it was a big deal in the moment and this reaction feels incredibly harsh. I thought I was over it but tonight brought up a lot of feelings of anxiety for me over the situation, and it's hard not to feel like everyone hates me right now when I remember that she was ready to throw away a close friendship over something like this. I really struggle with receiving the silent treatment and it just feels so harsh for what I've done, which really isn't much of anything.

https://www.northumbriangames.com/post/of-orcs-and-ai

Made vs. Created and the Nature of Orcs

J.R.R. Tolkien's stories are deeply rooted in Thomistic metaphysics and Christian theology, where the distinction between "made" and "created" is pivotal. This distinction underscores the nature of goodness, creation, corruption, and the intrinsic limitations of evil. The dichotomy between making and creating is most vividly illustrated through the origins and nature of orcs, the monstrous foot soldiers of Middle-earth's dark lords.

Creation: The Divine Act

In Tolkien's world, true creation, or creatio ex nihilo (creation from nothing), is the exclusive province of Eru Ilúvatar, the supreme deity. This act of creation involves bringing something into existence that possesses the Flame Imperishable (or the Secret Fire), which grants true life, free will, and inherent goodness. Beings created by Eru Ilúvatar, such as the Ainur (angelic beings), elves, and men, are imbued with this divine spark, making them fundamentally good and capable of independent existence and moral choice.
From The Silmarillion:

"Therefore Ilúvatar may not only send forth the Flame Imperishable into the Void, but he may also bestow it to others, who may then sub-create, though only as permitted by Ilúvatar"​​.

Making: The Act of Sub-creation

In contrast, the Valar and other beings can engage in making or sub-creation, which involves shaping or manipulating pre-existing matter. They cannot infuse these creations with the Flame Imperishable. A notable example is Aulë, one of the Valar, who crafted the Dwarves. Initially, these beings were mere automatons, moving only according to Aulë's thoughts. It was only when Eru Ilúvatar chose to bestow them with the Flame Imperishable that the Dwarves gained true life and independence. This story illustrates the fundamental difference between divine creation and sub-creation: the former grants true life and free will, while the latter lacks these essential qualities until blessed by Eru. Tolkien clarifies this distinction in his letters:

"They [the Valar] shared in [the World’s] 'making'—but only on the same terms as we 'make' a work of art or story. The realization of it, the gift to it of a created reality of the same grade as their own, was the act of the One God"​​.

Orcs: The Corruption of Creation

The origin of orcs in Tolkien’s mythos serves as a poignant example of the difference between making and creating. According to various writings, orcs were not created by Morgoth or Sauron but were made by corrupting pre-existing beings. In "The Silmarillion," it is suggested that orcs were originally elves who were captured, tortured, and perverted by Morgoth's malevolent influence. This corruption transformed them into beings of evil, stripped of their original grace and beauty. In Morgoth's Ring we find:

"It became clear in time that undoubted Men could under the domination of Morgoth or his agents in a few generations be reduced almost to the Orc-level of mind and habits; and then they would or could be made to mate with Orcs, producing new breeds, often larger and more cunning. There is no doubt that long afterwards, in the Third Age, Saruman rediscovered this, or learned of it in lore, and in his lust for mastery committed this, his wickedest deed: the interbreeding of Orcs and Men, producing both Men-orcs large and cunning, and Orc-men treacherous and vile."​​.

Tolkien emphasizes that orcs, though rational and capable of independent thought, lack the divine spark of the Flame Imperishable. This absence signifies that while Morgoth could mar and twist the creations of Eru, he could not create life himself. In Flame Imperishable, Tolkien is quoted as saying:

"Treebeard does not say that the Dark Lord 'created' Trolls and Orcs. He says he 'made' them in counterfeit of certain creatures pre-existing. There is, to me, a wide gulf between the two statements"​​.

Essence
Elves: Created with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence is tied to beauty, longevity, and a deep connection to nature and creation.
Men: Created with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence includes mortality, adaptability, and a dynamic nature.
Orcs: Originally, corrupted elves or men, or made from slime and heat, the essence has been radically distorted and corrupted by evil. Their essence now reflects malevolence, subservience, and a perversion of their original nature.
Existence
Elves: Given existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is fully realized with a true purpose aligned with their essence.
Men: Given existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is dynamic, capable of growth, and change, and is fully realized.
Orcs: Their existence is subjugated to the will of their corrupt masters (Morgoth or Sauron). While they have real, physical existence, it is dependent on the malevolent forces that control them.
Autonomy
Elves: High degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.
Men: High degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.
Orcs: Almost entirely controlled by their evil masters, reflecting their corrupted essence and dependent existence.
Connection to Eru
Elves: Directly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.
Men: Directly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.
Orcs: Not created by Eru but rather made by corrupting pre-existing beings or materials. They lack the Flame Imperishable, highlighting their dependent and perverted nature.
Philosophical Implication
Elves: Represent the ideal of Tolkien's metaphysical and theological views, embodying true creation and the perfect blend of essence and existence.
Men: Embody the dynamic and adaptable nature of true creation with a perfect blend of essence and existence, according to Aquinas's philosophy.
Orcs: Serve as an example of how essence and existence can be corrupted and diminished by evil. Their existence is real but heavily dependent and perverted, lacking true autonomy and the Flame Imperishable.

Philosophical and Theological Implications

The distinction between made and created has profound implications in Tolkien’s universe. It aligns with Christian theology, reflecting the belief in a singular, omnipotent Creator who alone can grant true life. This distinction underscores the inherent limitations of evil: it is parasitic, relying on the corruption of what is good rather than generating new existence.
Orcs epitomize this concept. They are beings made through corruption, reflecting the perversion of creation. Their existence as fundamentally corrupted creatures illustrates the limits of Morgoth’s and Sauron’s power. They can induce suffering and manipulate life, but they cannot originate a true life that burns with the Flame Imperishable. This underscores a central theme in Tolkien’s works: the resilience of good and the ultimate impotence of evil to truly create.

On Artificial Intelligence

This leads us to Artificial Intelligence. Modern large language models (LLMs) and artificial intelligence systems, despite their sophisticated capabilities, are constructs without true volition or understanding. Basically, an LLM is an advanced version of autocomplete. These systems operate on vast datasets and algorithms designed to predict and generate human-like text (or audio or images), but they lack genuine consciousness, intent, and moral agency. Unlike beings created with the divine spark in Tolkien's world, LLMs do not possess free will or intrinsic purpose; they are tools made by humans to process and mimic patterns. Some commentators have even referred to AI as an alien intelligence, a ~shoggoth with a human face~, meaning that while the text may look humanlike, in reality, it originated not from a human but from an unknowable, formless alien process, which is the LLM.

"Well, we're fooled by their fluency, right? We just assume that if a system is fluent in manipulating language, then it has all the characteristics of human intelligence. But that impression is false." --Yann Lecun​​ on the Lex Fridman podcast #416

The outputs of an LLM are determined not by experience, education, and emotion but by the data and programming they receive, reflecting the biases and limitations inherent in their design. This underscores the crucial distinction between artificial constructs and beings endowed with the Flame Imperishable, with true life and volition. Parents, for instance, should think carefully about giving a child unbridled access to an LLM which has no discernible ethics. The AI is a soulless, thoughtless machine built by human researchers, much like an orc is designed by Sauron simply to act as an instrument of his evil desires. The ethical and philosophical results of deploying such constructs into our society is staggering indeed.

The AI is only the Tool of the Maker

Of course, while the analogy between LLMs and Orcs highlights the artificial nature and purpose-driven creation of both, there are clear and fundamental differences in moral intent and potential for ethical use. LLMs are not (as far as we know) inherently evil constructs. They seem to be neutral tools that reflect the intentions of their creators and users. As such, the focus should be on ensuring that AI development and deployment are guided by ethical principles to maximize their benefits and minimize potential harm. That said, as with social media, we may come to regret the technology and wish to fling it back into Mordor's fire.

Conclusion

Tolkien's distinction between made and created is a metaphysical aspect of Middle Earth. It emphasizes the unique power of Eru Ilúvatar's true creation and the corruptive nature of evil. The orcs symbolize this dichotomy, illustrating how evil can distort but not create. This concept resonates in modern large language models and AI systems, which lack genuine consciousness and moral agency despite their advanced capabilities. Orcs and contemporary LLMs demonstrate the ethical implications of using such technologies and serve to enrich the philosophical depth of Tolkien's work.

Hi all, I am typing this currently at an all time low with my girlfriend (ex girlfriend I am really not sure we have broken up but agreed to not talk to other people). We had just finished up having one of the best weeks we have ever had, laughing, happy, just an overall good time. Then 2 days before my birthday she leaves a letter after sleeping over and waking up before me saying how she doesn’t want to do this and she is so sorry, but she feels like she needs to leave and ghosted me on everything. I drove to her place and talked about it with her and she seems incredibly confused.
Some context: last June I found out she was emotionally cheating on me with her ex who she emotionally cheated on with me. She was equally confused then and seemed to have similar mood swings. She had these mood swings for our entire relationship and said she was unhappy and that’s why she cheated. But then after I found out she was distraught saying she wanted to make it work because the past month had been so great and reached out various ways.
We broke up for 2 weeks and reconnected after a lengthy email she sent to me, it was horrible for about 3 months. We were not back in the relationship and were friends with benefits and I had immense rage because I put my entire heart into that relationship and was torn apart by everything I heard during those months. I had so much love in my heart for her.
We broke up and went no contact for 2 months after that. We both did not like it and missed each other a lot. I was the one who reached out the last time and said I wanted to talk with her and re enter the relationship. After a lot of talking we decided to re enter and suffered from many ups and downs, it was so all over the place.
Anyways we really made a lot of improvements and went from not being able to have a good half of a day together to spending weeks together and having a great time. We both love each other again, but the mood swings have persistently appeared during the process of all of this and a week ago hit the worst one.
There is a lot more context, but essentially she says her therapist convinced her to break up with me despite her not wanting to leave and being unsure about things. She says the week before then was so great and it made her so sad to do this. We have been talking for a week now trying to figure things out and she keeps saying she doesn’t know what to do. There really is so much to this story, but I firmly believe she has some kind of mental illness that needs professional help more than what she is getting. She sees a therapist every other week but from what it sounds like, they gossip a lot and the therapist is very unprofessional. She sees a psychiatrist to get medication for depression, but has lately not been taking the medications as described and changes medication often or will choose to take certain ones and not others. She has a family history of mental disorders as well such as ocd.
I genuinely do care for this girl with all of my heart and it makes me so upset to see her like this. I do not feel like her thoughts are always rooted in reality and a lot of the things she says do not make sense logically. I am dealing with a lot of pain on my end from this. I am trying to help her and save our relationship with everything I have. I believe she has undiagnosed bipolar disorder and I have told her this and tried to have her seek help, but she refuses. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I am praying every day for a miracle or for her to come to her senses. I know she loves me and wants me, but she is so confused right now and not in the right state of mind.
What am I supposed to do?
TL;DR My girlfriend and I are currently going through and all time low week after an all time high week. Her changes in mood have very much so affected our relationship and I don’t know how to help. I believe she has bipolar and that she is not in the right state of mind right now as she keeps making illogical statements, contradictions, and is remembering things differently this week. I don’t know what all I can do to help her, I care for her very deeply and we both have a lot of love for each other.

Hi all, I am typing this currently at an all time low with my girlfriend (ex girlfriend I am really not sure we have broken up but agreed to not talk to other people). We had just finished up having one of the best weeks we have ever had, laughing, happy, just an overall good time. Then 2 days before my birthday she leaves a letter after sleeping over and waking up before me saying how she doesn’t want to do this and she is so sorry, but she feels like she needs to leave and ghosted me on everything. I drove to her place and talked about it with her and she seems incredibly confused.
Some context: last June I found out she was emotionally cheating on me with her ex who she emotionally cheated on with me. She was equally confused then and seemed to have similar mood swings. She had these mood swings for our entire relationship and said she was unhappy and that’s why she cheated. But then after I found out she was distraught saying she wanted to make it work because the past month had been so great and reached out various ways.
We broke up for 2 weeks and reconnected after a lengthy email she sent to me, it was horrible for about 3 months. We were not back in the relationship and were friends with benefits and I had immense rage because I put my entire heart into that relationship and was torn apart by everything I heard during those months. I had so much love in my heart for her.
We broke up and went no contact for 2 months after that. We both did not like it and missed each other a lot. I was the one who reached out the last time and said I wanted to talk with her and re enter the relationship. After a lot of talking we decided to re enter and suffered from many ups and downs, it was so all over the place.
Anyways we really made a lot of improvements and went from not being able to have a good half of a day together to spending weeks together and having a great time. We both love each other again, but the mood swings have persistently appeared during the process of all of this and a week ago hit the worst one.
There is a lot more context, but essentially she says her therapist convinced her to break up with me despite her not wanting to leave and being unsure about things. She says the week before then was so great and it made her so sad to do this. We have been talking for a week now trying to figure things out and she keeps saying she doesn’t know what to do. There really is so much to this story, but I firmly believe she has some kind of mental illness that needs professional help more than what she is getting. She sees a therapist every other week but from what it sounds like, they gossip a lot and the therapist is very unprofessional. She sees a psychiatrist to get medication for depression, but has lately not been taking the medications as described and changes medication often or will choose to take certain ones and not others. She has a family history of mental disorders as well such as ocd.
I genuinely do care for this girl with all of my heart and it makes me so upset to see her like this. I do not feel like her thoughts are always rooted in reality and a lot of the things she says do not make sense logically. I am dealing with a lot of pain on my end from this. I am trying to help her and save our relationship with everything I have. I believe she has undiagnosed bipolar disorder and I have told her this and tried to have her seek help, but she refuses. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I am praying every day for a miracle or for her to come to her senses. I know she loves me and wants me, but she is so confused right now and not in the right state of mind.
What am I supposed to do?
TL;DR My girlfriend and I are currently going through and all time low week after an all time high week. Her changes in mood have very much so affected our relationship and I don’t know how to help. I believe she has bipolar and that she is not in the right state of mind right now as she keeps making illogical statements, contradictions, and is remembering things differently this week. I don’t know what all I can do to help her, I care for her very deeply and we both have a lot of love for each other.

So I went on a surprise trip with my bridesmaids that they planned and paid for. It was such an amazing surprise and I was so grateful and floored. My wedding planning was awful and I (33F) had a lot of weird competitive friends trying to make my wedding events about them - I was very stressed by everyone’s behavior and had a hard time setting boundaries. During this time, I had just moved out of state, started a new job, and was planning my wedding by myself, and then having to deal with everyone’s petty drama for a year (re: grown women telling me to my face they had better be my maid of honor prior to my engagement). So when this trip came around I was stunned….Unfortunately, to keep it short, it was a disaster. One of my best friends told me privately (at a round table at dinner) that I wouldn’t be a bridesmaid in HER wedding, despite telling my now husband at our engagement party she was “practically the MOH” (37F) when I chose NOT to have a maid of honor so as not to hurt feelings. Another close friend (45F) had a screaming, crying fit in the middle of Harry Potter World (yes, how horrible, I know)… fled the park for 8 hours, and then confronted me in our hotel where I was subjected to her screaming at me about how she hates parks, lines, roller coasters, and girls trips. She never apologized and pretended it was fine the next day. It was honestly traumatizing. Afterall, this isn’t a trip I had asked for. My wedding was 3 weeks after this. Everything was beautiful and happy… but the friendships never recovered. AITA for removing them from social media after a year of no contact from each friend (on either side)?
Edit: these are all mostly professional theatre people so the competitive nature might make more sense.

just a quick rant lol but please lmk if it gets better or what I can do to make it better
I feel that I grew up way too fast because I grew up in a setting where my parents barely spoke English, so I was constantly translating for them. Even receiving difficult news, I was the one who had to break it to my parents.
Since I was very little, I always wanted my parents to think I'm doing fine and that I am always happy. So, I never opened up to them and I also felt so uncomfortable showing any emotions to them. Even when I was being severely bullied for the first two years of middle school, I never said a word. However, they eventually found out from my guidance counselor, and even then I pretended that it was nothing. Even my past relationships, I kept a secret. I feel like my parents don't even know who I am. I know it's partially my fault for not telling them, but at the same time (I don't mean to blame my parents but..) they did not create that environment for me to feel comfortable to do so. Therefore, they overlook my feelings a lot and even claimed that I am not sympathetic enough. For example there has been situations where people I know have passed but I am so uncomfortable to expressing my emotions to the point where it came off as disrespectful. But the thing is, I am an extremely sensitive person. I just hide it very well. I feel things deeply and little words affect me a lot.
What hurts more is that I have younger siblings who I have always looked after. I literally felt like a mother to them even though our age gaps are not a big difference at all. But I see the difference in my life and their lives. I love them so much and I really do want to do anything to support them. But my whole life I have been making appointments for them, making an environment where they never have to feel like how I do and hide everything going on, and more, to the point where I am still like a mother. My parents also treat them so much differently. Everytime they go through a failure, my parents are there with open arms and rather worried about my siblings being stressed about it. Meanwhile, I feel the opposite way. Whenever I experience a failure that my parents know about, I feel stressed due to the way my parents will be stressed and worked up about it. I realized I never put myself first. Especially my mother, she will even sometimes yell at me for my mistakes and while she has never yelled at my siblings once but rather hugged them and told them it's fine. I have NEVER received that treatment.
I also feel that my parents have never been satisfied with me. Yk the classical AP. I'm not tall enough, I don't have a high enough GPA for them (even though at the moment I am in the top 3% in GPAs out of 800 people in a high achieving high school), I'm not skinny enough (even though I have a below average weight for my height), and etc etc. Once, my mom expected me to make the soccer team when I never even got training and I was competing against kids who have been training since they were young. When I didn't make it, she was so disappointed in me and I was freaking out so much because she gave me a silent treatment. This same thing happened with my brother for hockey, and he also did not make it. However, my mom reassured him and said it's fine and that it isn't fair that the other kids were already on teams for several years. It's just so so frustrating to see this. I know I'm being somewhat selfish and I am not at all saying I want my mom to be tougher on my brother. But it's rather that why didn't I get this treatment? Why do I always have to be on my toes and why do I always have to feel like a disappointment?
Regardless, I have so much love for my parents. I have a great relationship with them. They are always rooting for me and wanting the best for me. However, it's just so difficult especially because I live in an area that is white dominated and it's so so difficult for me to constantly wish I got the same treatment as the rest of the kids at my school. I am also fully aware that what I'm complaining about is nothing in comparison to some of the other stories here, but it's just that I am extremely fed up. I know I am being unfair by saying this, but if I try to communicate with my parents in English, it's English that is just jumbled up, pronounced wrong, and doesn't make sense. And I KNOW that they are trying their best, but it can just get so frustrating sometimes because my siblings cannot speak our native language as well as I do, so I ALWAYS translate back and forth to the point where I am so fed up. This isn't just about not knowing definitions, but rather the college process, banking related things, medical related things, etc etc. The only person in my family who is taking care of all this is me. And recently I have been so busy and I am just so tired. I have so much anger building up because nobody from my town has the same experience as me and neither do my siblings. So I am just constantly jealous.
I am going to be applying to colleges this Fall, and I have never been so stressed. My parents have extremely high expectations for me, and I have consistently not been meeting them. My parents will say stuff every once in a while that really hurt. They do not have faith in me for the college process and honestly I don't either. When they suggest some colleges (ofc all with super low acceptance rates) and if I say something like "I don't like the location" they will be shocked because for them it's only academics that matter. But I want to be happy and I want to enjoy it if I am spending four years of my life there. My dad has even said that I should apply because ofc it doesn't matter what I want but he emphasizes that he doesn't know if I am even going to have options from being accepted to many and being able to choose. It's just so frustrating especially because my whole life I have been doing everything myself (well it feels that way) and all of a sudden due to college applications coming up, my parents are somewhat trying to make sure I'm doing this and that. I know that this also sounds so bad of me but for example my parents asked me "did you ask for recommendation letters yet" or "did you participate in school today" and I know that this is nice of them but from my perspective, it frustrates me. This is because yes, I did already, and I have been in control my whole life and I just don't like how they decide to interfere now. They have been completely clueless about so many things and honestly I really know that they are trying to help me and I know that it's nice but pls someone say they understand my frustration lol. It's like my whole life I have been responsible about anything coming up, and them making sure I did something (which I did) just frustrates me because I know!!!!! Like ofcourse I did it already. I feel like it's too late for them to all of a sudden want to manage and be more involved in my responsibilities, and I just want them to back off. I know that this is the support that I want but they should've been like this when I was so much younger. I would now much rather just tell the good news and they don't need to know the process I took or setbacks that got in the way. I know I am being ungrateful but I am just so exhausted and done.
And again, yes my parents want the best for me, and yes they don't mean harm, and yes I am living a financially stable life because they work so hard...etc.. But all I want is emotionally available parents. That has been missing my entire life, and it's too late to reverse this. Btw, I have tried and tried multiple times to express my feelings. But the same events just repeat. They have apologized but there is no change. It was even to the point where I cried in front of them (which is so humiliating to me), and there is just no change. I also feel like since college applications are coming up, my whole conversations with my APs have been about that.

So, I am just 18 and I try to walk on my father's foot steps as he is great in keeping relation let it be friendship, being some brother, etc. He is my inspiration as I try to copy many things from his behaviour like he have sister from another mother (he meet her during his school time) and he has been a great brother to her helping from getting her proper education to getting her Marry and making sure she is happy. that's going great as she also respect my father and it's all great between them (happy family)
Getting inspired from my father, I also make some one my sister in class 11th as during rakhsaha bandhan she was standing on geat holding rakhi I go to her and Ask her to be my sister she happily accept and I was so happy, i treated her like my own sister from gifting her dress on raksha bandhan and etc. I always take her care as I usually do for my sister.
but she never ask me how is your health stuff like that, she kinda ignores me until I talk to her first (she didn't even ask when I got into accedent) idk what's her issue.
THE MOST IMP IS The things happening with me never happened with my father.
I am still treating her as my sister. Idk but I can't ignore her or disrespect her. (Ghar ka sanskar ha).
Where did our culture go that respect the elder brother used to get ( just a normal way ). IS OUR INDIAN YOUTH GOING IN WRITE DIRECTION.?

I have been looking forward to my son’s Pre-K graduation for months. Although I am extremely proud of- and happy for him, a few things are weighing on my mind following the graduation. Maybe I’m overreacting – and I truly hope I am. If I am, please tell me.
The first thing that bothered me about my son’s Pre-K graduation is the total lack of security to enter. It’s a very small VPK, so I didn’t expect security guards, but there wasn’t so much as a sign in sheet for the parents / visitors. There were no ID checks; anyone could simply walk in. *
Second, when my son was called up to receive his diploma, the teacher called him by his first name only and followed up with, “I’m not even going to attempt to pronounce your last name”. We do have a longer Italian surname, but it’s not hard to learn, not hard to say, and the teachers has more letters in her last name than we do. In my 40 years, the only time people weren’t sure how to pronounce it was the first time I met them. Other than that, or simply not knowing me personally, you’re a telemarketer if you can’t pronounce it. You don’t need to know a different language ffs. We’re born and raised in the US for the last century. I expect the teacher who’s with my son 5 days a week or an entire school year to know how to say his last name. If my son’s peers can pronounce it, there’s no excuse. (And yes, this WAS his full-time teacher, not an assistant or different teacher, etc.) Here's the kicker. It's a class of like 16. It's not a school like Hogwarts full of kids with no vowels in their last names. *
Lastly, I was so happy when my son received two awards because only a couple kids received two. What could go wrong, right? His last name is spelled wrong on both of his laminated awards. Really? Come on, man! *
Oh, one more thing that I should have started with. Upon arriving at the scheduled time of the graduation, I found out that they were behind schedule by a full hour, and everyone had to wait outside. There was just a note on the door and the door was locked.
Really? We can do better than this. #DoBetter
I know these "problems" may seem miniscule compared to other "real" problems in the world. I know I have the choice to focus on the positive things that happened today and not let the "small" things live rent free in my mind. But should I turn the other cheek? Am I wrong to assume the brightest crayon in the box shouldn't be in my son's backpack - it should be teaching the class? Sorry, for the jokes. I'm trying to make light of the situation to cheer myself up. That was kind of funny, I guess. At the end of the day, all of this is just very discouraging when I think about who will be teaching my son.
Before I go, I want to give praise to ALL of the good teachers out there who care about the kids and their education and take the time to know their students, no matter if you're a Pre-K teacher or a Scholar, I commend you and appreciate you. I understand that it is not an easy job and I know you should be paid a hell of a lot more. I am in no way intending to bash all teachers or even most teachers. I TRULY hope this is an isolated issue in this smaller sized town in the SE.
I had many great, and memorable teachers in my life I will always remember, and I truly pray someone just like one of them finds their way into my son's classroom when he begins kindergarten this Fall.
ALL YOUNG CHILDREN DESERVE A TEACHER WHO AT LEAST CARES.
Thanks for listening.

Hi all, I am typing this currently at an all time low with my girlfriend (ex girlfriend I am really not sure we have broken up but agreed to not talk to other people). We had just finished up having one of the best weeks we have ever had, laughing, happy, just an overall good time. Then 2 days before my birthday she leaves a letter after sleeping over and waking up before me saying how she doesn’t want to do this and she is so sorry, but she feels like she needs to leave and ghosted me on everything. I drove to her place and talked about it with her and she seems incredibly confused.
Some context: last June I found out she was emotionally cheating on me with her ex who she emotionally cheated on with me. She was equally confused then and seemed to have similar mood swings. She had these mood swings for our entire relationship and said she was unhappy and that’s why she cheated. But then after I found out she was distraught saying she wanted to make it work because the past month had been so great and reached out various ways.
We broke up for 2 weeks and reconnected after a lengthy email she sent to me, it was horrible for about 3 months. We were not back in the relationship and were friends with benefits and I had immense rage because I put my entire heart into that relationship and was torn apart by everything I heard during those months. I had so much love in my heart for her.
We broke up and went no contact for 2 months after that. We both did not like it and missed each other a lot. I was the one who reached out the last time and said I wanted to talk with her and re enter the relationship. After a lot of talking we decided to re enter and suffered from many ups and downs, it was so all over the place.
Anyways we really made a lot of improvements and went from not being able to have a good half of a day together to spending weeks together and having a great time. We both love each other again, but the mood swings have persistently appeared during the process of all of this and a week ago hit the worst one.
There is a lot more context, but essentially she says her therapist convinced her to break up with me despite her not wanting to leave and being unsure about things. She says the week before then was so great and it made her so sad to do this. We have been talking for a week now trying to figure things out and she keeps saying she doesn’t know what to do. There really is so much to this story, but I firmly believe she has some kind of mental illness that needs professional help more than what she is getting. She sees a therapist every other week but from what it sounds like, they gossip a lot and the therapist is very unprofessional. She sees a psychiatrist to get medication for depression, but has lately not been taking the medications as described and changes medication often or will choose to take certain ones and not others. She has a family history of mental disorders as well such as ocd.
I genuinely do care for this girl with all of my heart and it makes me so upset to see her like this. I do not feel like her thoughts are always rooted in reality and a lot of the things she says do not make sense logically. I am dealing with a lot of pain on my end from this. I am trying to help her and save our relationship with everything I have. I believe she has undiagnosed bipolar disorder and I have told her this and tried to have her seek help, but she refuses. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I am praying every day for a miracle or for her to come to her senses. I know she loves me and wants me, but she is so confused right now and not in the right state of mind.
What am I supposed to do?

Hi all,
Just looking for some advice for anything at all that might help our situation other than divorce.
I've been with my husband for almost 13 years, married 10. We are both 35. Have three wonderful kids 5-9 years that we both love so much. We are through all the toddler phase and sleep deprivation.
Our marriage is in a dire place, which both of us contributed to by not prioritising the other and essentially just aiming to survive through parenting. We have no family close by / breaks so it is full on.
For several years I've felt lonely in the marriage and things have come to a head the last 18 months. He's acknowledged the issues and says he doesn't find me sexually attractive, doesn't have any romantic feelings for me. Going on dates is like time filling for him. He says he finds other women attractive, but there's no specific woman he wants to have sex with. He has no desire for sex with me and will occasionally have sex after a lot of work on my end. He thinks his libido is normal But he is not seeking out sex with other women and masturbates only on occasion to porn. He wants more time for himself (which is hard in the constraints of a family, but I have worked hard to provide for him by doing as much household stuff as possible, taking kids out so he has house to himself, he stays up very late). He thinks his current needs and behaviour are selfish, but doesn't want to compromise on that.
He has had bloods done with GP. Normal testosterone level. We've done marriage counseling. She says he's got a severe dismissive avoidant attachment style, which I can see now, but I can't understand how he wasn't acting like that pre-kids. Our best sex was actually post- last kid but dried up a few years ago. We still have sex maybe once every 1-2 months but it's not enough for me and I feel like he's fulfilling an obligation rather than any actual desire to be with me so it reduces my pleasure. He says he doesn't want a longterm romantic relationship with anyone currently. But he loves me. We are still together currently as both our ideal outcomes would be for a happy fulfilling marriage and intact family unit. But it's at the point he doesn't even want to have to greet me or ask about my day and I've always prided us on having a great underpinning friendship and don't want to lose that too. I am also aware of the example we are setting for our children for their future relationships.
We've gone on regular dates in the last year, I try flirting with him, he's sharing a bit more of some aspects of the household work, although I have the majority mental load. We've tackled identified areas of resentment from both sides (although I feel like this has been a lot of him doing what is best for him and me doing a lot of what is best for him). He does not feel he is depressed and happy on other aspects of his life. His mum Is asexual and has never had another partner after separating from his dad 32 years ago, his brother lives with his mother at 37 years old and has never had a partner, his maternal uncle lived with his mum until she died and I wondered if there was a genetic component to things. But maybe I'm grasping at straws and that doesn't offer a solution.
I'm fit and attractive to the general population haha. He says he can see I'm attractive to others so it's not like I've "let myself go" in any sense since having kids, and actually have a better body than pre-kids.
I have talked a lot with various people and some had suggested having an affair to give me what I need, but I would never disrespect him In that way. However we have talked about a "one-sided" open marriage for me to essentially Have a sexual relationship +_ some emotional connection with someone else, in the hope that in the future, my husband would want those aspects again and hopefully pursue them with me... I had thought this might relieve him Of his guilt / make our interactions not an obligation for him. I had hoped we could go on dates and have the rare sex when he wants in the interim also. He is supposedly agreeable to this. I'm scared to do something (ie sex with someone else) that I can't take back though.
I guess I always have a sliver of hope, he's the dad of my children and I committed to spent my life with him and that's what I ultimately want. But currently, every day is like I lose a part of myself with the constant microrejections and while I know you are the one responsible for your own happiness, my self-worth, confidence and happiness are slowly being eroded by feelings of inadequacy and why I am so unattractive / undesirable to him on so many levels (sexual / non-sexual gestures / romantic / friendship) etc. If it was just one area, perhaps I could be more accepting / patient.
Other context, I have the primary career / income earner / drive in where we have ended up. I've always asked his opinion and been mutual decision making for big decisions, and despite my best efforts to support him to find himself, he has never shown much drive for anything other than computer gaming (which he would easily spend 5+ hours a day most days doing, at a cost of sleep). He doesn't particularly enjoy his job and has changed industries constantly when working. There's a Netflix special for a show called Jigsaw and that resonates a lot with him, he didn't have a complete self-identity before he met me and was happy to follow me along the way in life and got to where we are (which on paper is the most amazing life) and he's realised he's not happy within it. I've tried to support him in trying new things and exploring himself, but I can't be his motivation and really the only thing he is showing motivation for currently is increasing his level on DOTA2! We did have sex droughts during pregnancy due to me being incredibly sick and having zero libido, but we got through that and I guess I didn't feel it was a big issue at the time as we loved each other and every other aspect of the relationship was solid, but potentially that was a contributing factor to marriage demise. Although at the time, I felt we would never get back to an amazing sex life, we did and it was very fulfilling until twoish years ago.
Any advice is much appreciated. I am guessing a lot of people will think we are non-compatible / he doesn't want a relationship and I can't change that so divorce is the best option, but I'm willing to try anything at this stage.
Ps we have both seen a personal counsellor as well as the marriage counsellor. I am seeing mine next week and will ask about the open marriage concept.
Thanks for your thoughts!

Hi all, I am typing this currently at an all time low with my girlfriend (ex girlfriend I am really not sure we have broken up but agreed to not talk to other people). We had just finished up having one of the best weeks we have ever had, laughing, happy, just an overall good time. Then 2 days before my birthday she leaves a letter after sleeping over and waking up before me saying how she doesn’t want to do this and she is so sorry, but she feels like she needs to leave and ghosted me on everything. I drove to her place and talked about it with her and she seems incredibly confused.
Some context: last June I found out she was emotionally cheating on me with her ex who she emotionally cheated on with me. She was equally confused then and seemed to have similar mood swings. She had these mood swings for our entire relationship and said she was unhappy and that’s why she cheated. But then after I found out she was distraught saying she wanted to make it work because the past month had been so great and reached out various ways.
We broke up for 2 weeks and reconnected after a lengthy email she sent to me, it was horrible for about 3 months. We were not back in the relationship and were friends with benefits and I had immense rage because I put my entire heart into that relationship and was torn apart by everything I heard during those months. I had so much love in my heart for her.
We broke up and went no contact for 2 months after that. We both did not like it and missed each other a lot. I was the one who reached out the last time and said I wanted to talk with her and re enter the relationship. After a lot of talking we decided to re enter and suffered from many ups and downs, it was so all over the place.
Anyways we really made a lot of improvements and went from not being able to have a good half of a day together to spending weeks together and having a great time. We both love each other again, but the mood swings have persistently appeared during the process of all of this and a week ago hit the worst one.
There is a lot more context, but essentially she says her therapist convinced her to break up with me despite her not wanting to leave and being unsure about things. She says the week before then was so great and it made her so sad to do this. We have been talking for a week now trying to figure things out and she keeps saying she doesn’t know what to do. There really is so much to this story, but I firmly believe she has some kind of mental illness that needs professional help more than what she is getting. She sees a therapist every other week but from what it sounds like, they gossip a lot and the therapist is very unprofessional. She sees a psychiatrist to get medication for depression, but has lately not been taking the medications as described and changes medication often or will choose to take certain ones and not others. She has a family history of mental disorders as well such as ocd.
I genuinely do care for this girl with all of my heart and it makes me so upset to see her like this. I do not feel like her thoughts are always rooted in reality and a lot of the things she says do not make sense logically. I am dealing with a lot of pain on my end from this. I am trying to help her and save our relationship with everything I have. I believe she has undiagnosed bipolar disorder and I have told her this and tried to have her seek help, but she refuses. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I am praying every day for a miracle or for her to come to her senses. I know she loves me and wants me, but she is so confused right now and not in the right state of mind.
What am I supposed to do?

I came into this trial as a blank slate. From the very little that I did know, the prosecution theory that an angry, drunken girlfriend killed her man with a car seemed plausible and the police conspiracy theory seemed, on the surface, to be unhinged.
But in the past five weeks, the prosecution has yet to provide any solid evidence Karen Read committed second-degree murder. Moreover, witness after witness is getting crushed on cross-examination. I've never seen a trial where so many prosecution witnesses appear to be lying or less than credible.
I'm still not sold on the conspiracy theory. But the amount of reasonable doubt so far is off the charts.
Here's my tally:

1. Karen's so-called "confession" of "I hit him, I hit him, I hit him" is on shaky ground. Multiple people have said they heard it, but then it turns out that it's not in any of the initial reports, except for a statement from Katie McLaughlin. And turns out that McLaughlin is friends with Caitlyn Albert, who was part of the after-party at 34 Fairview.
   
2. Even more damning, nobody at the scene acted like Karen was confessing. She wasn't immediately arrested or even questioned about what she was saying. That speaks volumes about the how seriously her statements were taken at first.
   
3. The unbelievably sloppy investigation the morning of Jan. 29 -- collecting blood in Solo cups; the snowblower; not questioning Read about her statements that she might have hit him; no search of the house; no attempt to separate witnesses during the initial police interviews; abandoning the crime scene early on.
   
4. I need to hear more about the injuries, but so far, it's hard to square JO's injuries with getting hit by a car. Also, the missing hat, belt and shoe are just weird.
   
5. The expert who testified about the lack of dog DNA seemed credible. But her tests relied on swabs supplied long after the event by the State Police. And based on this investigation so fair, I have no faith in the validity of those swabs.
   
6. Likewise, the expert on the blood-alcohol data seemed very knowledgeable. But his calculations all hinge on the supposition that Karen Read had her last drink at 12:45 p.m. Everybody else was still drinking after that; why wouldn't we assume she just went home and went to sleep? Right now, I have no faith in the blood-alcohol numbers.
   
7. All the personal links between the witnesses and the investigators, and the attempts to downplay them. As an example, Katie McLaughlin could have just acknowledged her friendship with Caitlin Albert upfront. Instead, it was "I knew someone by that name in high school." Her response was just so ... sus.
   
8. Testimony vs. the electronic record. The butt dials. The 2:27 a.m. Internet search that was deleted. The phones that were ditched just before a preservation order. The Life 360 data. The Canton PD key data. It's just astonishing to see witnesses deny the electronic records, and crazy that the prosecution case steamed ahead despite all these red flags. I really don't know if there was a conspiracy, but it's clear some of these folks are hiding SOMETHING.
   
9. Nobody seeing the JO's body in the yard. It's easy for me to understand how some people could have missed it. But everybody who must have walked by it that night? Makes no sense.
   
10. The fact Brian and Nicole Albert stayed in their house that morning. And it's hard to believe that Jen McCabe was the one to wake them up. Talk about the Case of the Dog That Didn't Bark! Not to mention Jen's two "butt dial" calls to Nicole.
    
11. Karen's hysterical reaction that morning does not appear to be that of a woman who intentionally killed her boyfriend.
    
12. The texting with Higgins made, in my eyes, Higgins more of a suspect than Karen. If she already had one foot out the door, what would be the need to kill JO? They weren't married. She was ambivalent about the parenting responsibilities. She had her own home, her own income. Even if the relationship was about to end, it's hard to understand a motivation for murder.
    
13. The issues around the broken taillight. So nobody saw ANY of those 40-some pieces of red plastic on the morning of Jan. 29, even though several cops were looking for evidence? Does that make sense?
    
14. I'm assuming that both sides will bring in experts to debate the 2:27 Google search for "hos long to die in the cold." But if it's just a case of dueling experts and everybody is left not knowing the truth, that's reasonable doubt.
    

That's what I have so far and we haven't even gotten to the issues involving Proctor and what appears to be missing video at crucial times and places.
Frankly, the defense doesn't have to convince the jury of their conspiracy theory. They just have to sow that reasonable doubt. And if people are left totally confused about how JO died, than Karen Read will be acquitted.

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