Happy birthday letter to my girlfriend

Forgive the lengthy paragraphs. Going to best describe my situation best I can to get the most accurate advice while not getting too personal. Wasn't my intent to write a life story but figured the detail would help get a better picture.
I'm currently talking to an Army recruiter and in the process of having my complex sent to MEPS for a prescreen with the paperwork I had regarding pharmacy records, hospital stay, and counseling. I been doing research on the waiver processes because I know I will need one and decided to research the Navy's guidelines since I heard they were fairly liberal with how they handle waivers in case the Army didn't work out. That's just what I heard, don't know how true it is. Looking through, I came across that if you had recurrent depression episodes, which I assume means more than one instance, then your chances of a waiver are essentially zero. Upon reading that, I got heavily discouraged but still taking my shot.
My situation is this:
(First instance) When I was 14, I got diagnosed with MDD and was on antidepressants until I was 16. I didn't have the best family or social life growing up and dealt with instances of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse from family members who loved to drink or had anger problems which were sometimes taken out on me. I also attended a ghetto public school where I was often bullied or harassed since I didn't talk to anyone and being "different" since by this time I was in a depression due to home life and was known as the "white boy" where kids joked about me being a school shooter because I seemed like a stereotype. My parents married other people who also had their own issues that invited more various forms of abuse. In middle school, I became so fed up with life that I went to the counselor expressing suicidal thoughts because of my circumstances and wanted help. I ended up getting therapy and reluctant parents who had to sit with me in some sessions so I could voice my disdain. Suffice to say, my parents opted for medication instead rather than changing behaviors and my environment. Since it was so long ago, I don't remember all the details of the meetings. I do know it was very multi-layered between family, school, and my lifestyle at the time. Once I became 16 and became involved with a good group of religious kids at my high school and extracurricular activities, my depression started to naturally fade away and I got off my medication. At this time also, I ended up finishing my Eagle Scout and also joined a church which provided me an amazing support group, friends, and meaning to life. For once, I felt truly happy.
TL;DR Shit luck, bad upbringing, bad lifestyle, got better once I got older and developed more freedoms to get away from home and become my own person.
In my senior year of high school, I tried joining the Marines since I always wanted to be in the military as a career but because I made the decision to be honest about my psychiatric background, I got denied and was told I needed to wait another year before applying for a waiver. Distraught, I ended up going on a mission for my church instead for two years in Europe.
Coming back home in 2017 and not knowing what to do with my life now, I went to college since that is what every other kid was doing. In 2018, I saw a Marine recruiter walking around and felt a spark which motivated me to give the military another try. In Arizona, my home state, one of my old psychiatrists threw away my medical records since Arizona law allowed her to do that 3 years after my 18th birthday if I never had any issues (clean slate, if I remember this correctly) since then. I told my dad this who encouraged me to lie to the recruiter about my mental health history. I didn't feel good about doing that but went with his advice anyway. I made it through MEPS with no problems but when it came for the final meetup with the Marine liaison to sign the papers, he questioned my previous attempt to join which is where I confessed the story. MEPS then disqualified me and told me to bring in more paperwork. The recruiters were upset but liked me so much they were willing to help me go through the waiver process since I was really motivated. However, I got burnt out on the waiver process and also because I needed a letter from my parents detailing their side of the story which I know they wouldn't admit to their faults (which the recruiters agreed since they heard my dad screaming and yelling when I told him what I did on the ride back from MEPS lol).
(Second instance) So with the military out of the picture, I was completely lost in life and didn't know what else to do since I never anticipated to be in this situation. I ended up working weird side jobs in 2018 and going back to Europe to teach English before coming back to the US. I was 22 at the time and just barely starting college which made me feel self conscious when everyone else was 18 and already knew what they wanted to study. I felt far behind. I decided to pursue a degree regardless since I didn't want to be a college dropout. In 2020, I met a girl from my precalculus class and we started talking once the pandemic hit around March or so. We eventually became infatuated with each other and would talk over the phone and zoom each other every day. I also met her family before at a wedding reception and they took a liking to me and flew me up to Alaska to visit them and their cabin at the end of 2020. I was planning on proposing to this girl and thought I struck gold. Eventually, it came to be that she had issues with commitment and was scared of things going further so she decided to cut off all relationship status which threw me in a loop. During this time, I was still struggling with being self conscious due to my age in comparison to others, had financial difficulties since my family couldn't afford me to go to college and I didn't qualify for scholarships, my best friends getting married and ending communications, social isolation due to the pandemic, and lack of job prospects being that I was stuck in a rural Idaho college town during this time. So all this together added up and I felt like I failed life and I was the problem which sent me into an emotional distress. Having suicidal thoughts again, I sent myself into a behavioral health facility so I could calm down and not do anything drastic. I was released after two days and saw a counselor at my university. I was on medication for two months before getting off once I had time to recover after everything that happened. After taking some time away from college to get money to pay for the medical events, I went back and got my degree in Bioinformatics & Data Science.
TL;DR Covid life, college kid issues, isolation in rural Idaho, and relationship drama took it's toll on me
It's been a little over 3 years now and here I am again. I'm 27 with a degree and been struggling to find a job in this current market. However, the military always keeps coming back in my mind since nothing else in the civilian sector really excites me or gives the same meaning and purpose as military service. I really do think I belong in there. So this is my "three strikes and you're out" where I am going for the third shot in hopes something sticks.
If you read this far, you probably think I'm just a liability ready to happen. In truth, I would love to think I am someone who means well and wants to do the right thing but was dealt with a bad hand in life outside my control and without much direction. I remember always being told by people that if you are struggling emotionally, get help; and that's what I did. However, obviously when you are going through those emotional distress episodes, you tend to say things you don't actually mean which end up on the paperwork. In hindsight, I probably could've handled some situations better but that's easier to say now when I'm older than back then and much of the detail usually doesn't get expressed to the counselors properly.
So I guess my question is, what are the odds of the Army, or any branch, viewing an individual case like this and giving it a consideration? Is it a hard no since it was technically two different episodes of depression with SI which is "recurrent" or is there some leeway since mine was situational? I tried doing the right thing in getting help and I have been doing far better now for 3 years. My recruiter said she has worked with people who have been through worse and those she thought couldn't get in but had their waivers approved but a part of me doesn't know if she is being entirely honest since recruiters can sometimes give false hope. Thoughts?

(Throwaway account; TLDR at the end)
I (30F) dated my ex (31M) for 3-4 months in late 2022. I felt mentally and spiritually close to him at a level I hadn’t felt before with anyone else. And I also felt deeply inspired by him. I had never met anyone who looked at the world like he does. He was very affectionate very fast, or so it seemed to me as it was my first real relationship, and I had gotten attached to him quickly.
But he was also not over his ex girlfriend when we met and was still grieving over her and the hurt she had caused (she was emotionally abusive). He talked a lot about her making me feel like I'm being compared to her, and soon started getting hot and cold with me. He broke up with me (or got me to break up with him) three times before we finally broke up. I was heartbroken and very hurt and felt like I had not mattered to him at all. My confidence was completely shattered by never measuring up to what he wanted. I did understand even then that it wasn't intentional/malicious and he was just lost and hurt coming out of an abusive relationship.
2023 was one of the lowest points in my life. I had started to hate myself and my life because of the things he had said. I spent sleepless months getting over him and rebuilding myself and started to get into spirituality, meditation and therapy for help.
In late 2023, he reached out to say sorry. I did feel over him at that point and honestly wished he hadn't texted. I had also started meeting new people but missed conversing with him. So when he texted, I asked to meet him one last time. I did not want to get back together but don't understand why I met him.
Inspite of myself, we ended up having a long chat and I confided about my mental health issues. He was the only one I had talked to this openly about my struggle and the only one who could relate to me so well. We also connected over spirituality. Over the next couple of months, he was very supportive and I am genuinely grateful to him for all he did for me. He did try to convince me to get back together with him but I could not bring myself to trust him again and I asked to break up for good.
But should I give him another chance? I have been torn ever since we broke up. On the one hand, he can be very aloof and detached. When we started dating, he was very loving by words and actions but internally, did not seem to care about my feelings at all. I felt not up to the mark with him. And I am unable to trust him anymore. But he has been nothing but amazingly supportive and kind and apologetic since we reconnected and he was deeply hurt when we broke up for good this year. Even if I forgive him completely, I am not sure if we are compatible. He is a caring kind of man where he wants to take care of his partner but he doesn't really want to be cared for. Or he does not seem to appreciate my love or care. He doesn't let go emotionally with me which makes me feel like he doesn't trust that I can take care of him too. He doesn't get too vulnerable with me. He told me he might not do that with anyone, which makes me feel like we are not compatible. Lastly, I would also love for my partner to admire/be inspired by me a little like I would be with him. But I don't think he admires me like I do him. I feel like I don't add any value to his life emotionally or intellectually and he does not seek my opinion in any aspect of his life.
We have reached a good place where we both respect and deeply care for each other and wish the best for each other. But every time I talk to new people, I feel drawn to him and it has been stressing me.
I have little experience and would appreciate your opinions and advice. In my mind, I should not get back together with him anymore and want a fresh start. But as he has been saying, relationships aren't always perfect and a fresh start would have its own ups and downs. I also don't know if I will find a connection like that again. We are two people who care about each other and even love each other (in our own different ways) but is that enough to be happy?
Thank you for reading my very long post.
TL;DR version: ex partner was not over his abusive ex girlfriend and treated me recklessly (albeit unintentionally)- made me fall in love and then left. A year later he helps me get my mental health in check and wants me to give him another chance. Should I?

Inebriated Conversations

After eight long and grueling hours, we began our rapid descent from the heavens. I never really got the: “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” pickup line until we hit the tarmac. The force of the impact nearly knocked my head into the seat in front of me, so fuck yeah, it hurt when I fell from heaven. I’d imagine even Lucifer himself had a softer landing than we did. He also didn’t have to endure the stomach churning and nauseating food that was served on the plane, but I digress, at least we had finally reached our destination. A land not so far away that only varied in appearance, but the truth was this mystical and magical land, deep down, was no different from the place I grew up or attend college. As I waited in purgatory, the security line, I began wondering if I was dreaming. Was I really in London or even a different country for that matter? The line, which seemed so much longer than the European and the U.K., line was filled with fellow Americans. Perhaps they are still acrimonious about us beating them in the Revolutionary War, so they decided that this was ample punishment for our victory. Whatever the case, we finally made it through security, then collected our bags. I saw my relatively new bag with the bowtie on the handle and was relieved that it had not been lost or left in the United States. We met our tour guide, Emma, who at first glance seemed to be very different. She had an unusual hair cut that was much shorter than ones most woman her age would have, but I soon learned that her appearance, much like London’s, would not be any indication of what lies beyond. When we finally escaped from limbo, the airport, we were put on a coach bus, and taken to our hotel. I was exhausted and in need of a shower, but all I could do was drop my luggage off, then swiftly return to the lobby. As we stood outside in the crisp, refreshing air, we were handed our subway passes, or as they say, “tube passes.” We followed our guide, Emma, on a short walk to the underground. When our group finally descended the stairs and made our way to the map, a map Virgil couldn’t even navigate, we began our journey that involved the same punishment as those afforded to people in the eighth level of hell. We walked endlessly, 10.6 miles, and viewed the most popular tourist attractions London had to offer. I was surrounded by beautiful statues, fantastic architecture, and attractive people whose dialect could captivate almost anyone. At first, like everyone else, I was completely and utterly captivated by it all, because it was a completely different world. Our group finished the day with a mile and a half walk to the Globe Theatre, where we saw Shakespeare’s play, Comedy of Errors. My fellow students and I stood, as our professors sat comfortably watching the play. During the production, all I could think about was my numb legs and my aching feet. I tried drowning the pain with a few glasses of overly priced and nasty wines, but my attempt was to no avail. For once in my life, I knew what it was like to experience actual physical agony, not just the tedious and never-ending emotional kind. It wasn’t the lake of fire or some frozen wasteland, but that shit was still excruciating. After the play, we struggled to find a new passageway to the hot and crowded underworld, the tube, but luckily, I had service on my phone, so we found it. We finally made it back to the hotel around eleven in the evening. After a long day of flying and an excess of walking, I had never been as excited as I was to climb into a bed that was, quite frankly, too small for my six-foot-five physique. To anyone reading this, don’t worry, I’m not planning on giving a day to day synopsis of what I saw while I was abroad, because the sights aren’t what truly matter. I mean, I could just rant about Buckingham Palace and its beauty, Windsor Castle and its enormous layout, the Tower of London and its history, the Natural History Museum and its priceless artifacts, Stratford upon Avon and Shakespeare’s life, Oxford and it’s impressive library, Cornwall and its tranquil beaches, the Minack Theatre and its sublimity, or the Ashmolean Museum and its Jeff Koons exhibition, but that shit has no genuine meaning to it. I’m not going to waste your time by writing about some tourist sites that you could see in almost any travel magazine about the U.K., so if that’s what you are looking for stop reading. I suggest you pick up a travel magazine and read it until you are content, but if you want to read something real, then I suggest you continue. The reality is, the things I’ll take from this trip are the inebriated conversations I had with others. I not only gave these people advice about their lives; I learned something new about my own. I, ***** *******, am the Barstool Prophet, who descended from the heavens prepared to spout wisdom and retardation. Before I divulge the serious and deep conversations I experienced abroad, I want to let you know that the other person and I were under the influence of alcohol. I know what you are thinking, but alcohol has been a part of human culture since 7,000 B.C.; to put that into perspective, man invented alcohol before the wheel. From what I've seen in my lifetime some people drink to forget, some drink to remember, some drink to punish themselves, and some drink to converse with others. I fall into the latter category, but while I was in the U.K., I encountered people whose purpose for drinking was similar to mine as well as people that would fall in the other categories. I never really got the saying, "It's better to be a glass half full person, than a glass half empty person." I get the whole positivity aspect of the saying; however, I'd trust a "glass half empty person" far more, because they'd just order another drink. I am in no way trying to promote alcoholism; in reality, I am just trying to explain how alcohol can fuel an in-depth conversation. The Latin proverb "In Vino Veritas" states that "In Wine there is Truth"; wiser words have never been spoken. Alcohol allows people to speak their hidden thoughts and desires, especially to a stranger like me. 

Emma

As I stated earlier, Emma was our tour guide, who sported a relatively short and somewhat masculine haircut. Luckily, I had consumed enough alcohol at the time of her arrival to ask her why she chose that specific style. After giving me a vague: “because I like it” response, she clutched her glass of wine and forced it down. We talked about her occupation and how lonely traveling could get, but she seemed like she was familiar with the feeling of loneliness. She asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, and I said, “I want to be a lawyer.” Emma slammed her glass down and began to laugh hysterically; she said, “Seriously?” I found her response quite peculiar until she revealed that her ex-husband was a lawyer. He was devoted to his job and always worked long hours, which did not bother her, at first. I surmise that his lack of interest in her is what led to their separation. After a long moment of silence, I gulped my drink down and gained the courage to ask: “do you think the relationship you had with him prepared you for this job?” She paused and began to think intently. She took a sip of her wine, laughed, and said, “I guess so, that’s one positive thing I got out of the relationship.” The chat continued with talk of food, politics, weather, and other small-talk topics, but then we somehow made it back to her haircut. Emma told me that she was bi-sexual, which, despite the tell-tell signs in her appearance, isn’t something she shares with most people. I told her that homophobia and racism is a major part of the culture that I grew up in, which surprised her. She couldn’t comprehend how someone with that upbringing could be so openminded. I responded with one word and one word only, “Self-Awareness.” I came to the realization that in life people are consciously and unconsciously molded by those around them, but at the end of the day, it is their choice to decide who they are and what they believe. Emma’s marriage may not have been picture perfect, but she was still able to take something positive from it. As much as we don’t want to admit it, even the worst of our relationships impact us in a positive way. 

Phillip Goldsmith

Before I get into this incredibly intense and somewhat depressing story, I’d like to describe its setting. I was sitting on a red velvet couch, drinking Jack Daniels Honey in a tall glass with one ice cube. I know what you are thinking, but I was not in a strip club. Our hotel’s game room/ bar area looked like an American strip club, not that I’ve ever been in one. Like seriously, if a few poles and dancers were added, I’d feel like I was at the Red Carpet, which is a strip club near where I live, but again, I may or may not have been there. I had finished half my bottle when Phil walked in, and I could immediately tell that he was hurting on the inside. Excluding dumbass frat guys, not very many people drink vodka straight out of the bottle with the intention of finishing it. He sat next to us, so I reached my hand out and said, “Hey man, what’s your name?” He said, “Hello, I am Phillip Goldsmith.” I responded as anyone would and said, “That’s a badass name!” We talked about life, love, and women as most guys do. We were both close to finishing our bottles when I noticed a tattoo on his arm that said, “Harry.” Who was this Harry? He certainly didn’t strike me as a Royalist, so I knew he didn’t just get the prince’s name on his arm for shits and giggles. I gulped down a few more sips of my drink and slowly placed it back down. I looked him in the eyes and said, “who is Harry?” His response shook every bone in my body to their core. After holding his tears back and ingesting some more of his vodka, Phil looked at me and said that “Harry was his son.” Was? He continued speaking, and I learned that Harry died three days after he was born. That tragic loss would result in a few other loses in his life, his wife, and his faith. Phil told me that he used to go to his grave on his birthday and Christmas, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t see a point in it any longer. Surprisingly I felt the urge to tell him that “God loved him and that he would see his son again.” I am in no way a prolific believer; I’d probably put myself in the wayward son category. However, something came over me, and I felt like I needed to tell him that. We had both finished our drinks, and as we were saying our goodbyes, he thanked me. I don’t know why, but he did. My encounter with Phil taught me that when you meet someone, you don’t know what they are going through, but through love and compassion, you can have a positive impact on them. 

Lexie

Lexie is a beautiful and intelligent young lady from Kansas City, Missouri. We met and chatted throughout the week because she was a part of our EF group. One night, after Lexie and I had more than our share of wine, we began to talk about our plans for the future. Before I tell this story, you must know, I have the unfortunate handicap of flirtation when I drink, but she was able to move past my impulsive outburst. I think my accidental comments about her beautiful eyes, stunning smile, and cute laugh allowed her to open up to me. Despite what you are thinking, I like to flirt because I enjoy making women smile, I don’t always do it for self-serving reasons. Anyways, as I said, we started discussing our plans for the future, but one can’t divulge their future in an inebriated state without discussing their past. I gave my whole spiel about wanting to be a prosecutor who would later become a congressman, then a Supreme Court or D.C. Circuit Court justice. She said, “Wow! That’s quite the plan. I want to go into Law as well.” I hastily responded by saying, “That’s sexy. I could see it.” We both laughed, but then she said, “I don’t know though, Law School is hard.” She didn’t strike me as a person who couldn’t handle a challenge, so I asked, “Why do you think you wouldn’t excel? You present yourself as someone who does.” She tried not to blush, then sipped her extremely sweet white wine. I know it was sweet because I made the unfortunate decision of trying it; it was so sweet that even a rock would get a hangover from it. Anyways, she started talking about high school and how people thought she was unintelligent. I laughed and thought about how I experienced that very same thing. I said, “Fuck that, screw them. God, high school girls are mean. Do you actually believe that crap?” She giggled and said, “Of course not, but it’s still in the back of my head.” I grabbed another beer from Raj, the bartender at the hotel. Yes, we were on a first name basis; did you expect anything less from the barstool profit? I sat back down and leaned in, intent on getting this point across to Lexie. I sipped my beer, ever so casually, and said, “Listen, we all remember the immature negatives of our high school existence, but this is now. At some point, we have to grow up into the people we want to be, not who everyone tells us to be.” She then asked, “Why are you so wise?” (You are probably thinking “sure she did,” but I swear that is what she said; I’m not a narcissist using creative license to praise myself.) I accredited it to my amazing parents as well as the shitty ex-girlfriends, situations, and friends I had experienced. We continued talking about a lot of random things like abortion, racism in America, and other pseudo-political topics. It was 3 am. when we finally decided it was time to go to bed. I hugged her and told her to use those negative voices as motivation. Again, I was thanked for the conversation, which, at this point, seems to be a normal thing for strangers to do. My conversation with Lexie made me realize that, when we travel, the baggage we carry isn’t only the physical kind. That tedious and deep emotional baggage also comes along for the journey. Most people, who travel somewhere, will lose a physical part of their baggage, like a sock, shirt, or something of that nature. Lexie did something most could not and do not, she left a piece of her emotional baggage, the night I spoke to her in the bar. 

Szymon

Szymon was in the bar area when I got to the hotel. He had a very interesting accent, which was far different from the ones I had heard that week, so I asked, “Where are you from?” He said, in a relatively drunken manner, “I am from Poland. You’re from America, aren’t you.” I responded with a firm: “Yes.” The conversation proceeded with small talk, but as I had a few more beers, the topics shifted to more serious topics. I was recently in a Holocaust history class, so of course, the first serious thing I asked was if he had been to Warsaw to see the Concentration Camps. He paused in silence, so I said, “Talk about hell on Earth, the holocaust was some fucked up shit.” After saying that he seemed to gain the courage to tell me that he was Jewish. He told me about the things his parents endured as children and how his grandfather had died in a concentration camp. He told me how he had rejected his faith after hearing these horrible stories. He said to me, “What could faith do for someone. The Jews have been persecuted countless times for it.” I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, I didn’t. He had real reasons for his existential doubt, and I truly could not say the same. I got a shot of vodka from Raj; threw it back, and said, “Our faith shapes our decisions in life, even if we tell ourselves it doesn’t.” He sat pondering my words, but he seemed bored of the discussions about faith. I quickly changed the subject and asked him, “Why are you in London?” I learned that he travels all over continental Europe cleaning asbestos out of old buildings. I responded as any young person would and said, “that’s cool. I’d love to travel all over Europe.” He said, “it might be for a young single guy, but I hardly see my kids. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if my wife cheated on me.” I couldn’t believe he would say something that personal, but then again, that’s what alcohol does. I suggested that he quit the job and find one closer to home. He laughed and said, “Ugh… you sound like my wife right now.” I bought him another beer and said, “maybe you should listen to her.” He looked at me and said, “maybe you are right ha-ha.” My conversation with Szymon taught me that it doesn’t matter how much money you make or how many places you get to travel on the company’s dime. What matters in life is family and the ones you love. By the time we stopped talking, I could hardly understand him, but he shook my hand and said, “have fun in London.” I laughed and said, “I will, call your wife tonight and tell her you love her.” He smiled and nodded, assuring me he would. It was time to leave, so I packed my things and got ready to go to the airport. I finally boarded my fiery chariot that would bring me back to the heavens. I forced down a few shots of Jack Daniels, closed my eyes, and wondered if the Barstool Prophet would have a second coming. Would I ever return to this amazing city and spout words of wisdom and retardation? Would I ever drink two whole liters of cider and wake up with a black eye? Well, that one is a definite no, but so many questions are left unanswered. Did I actually impact those that I talked to? Did they even remember the conversation? As much as I want to believe I did, I’ll never know. We don’t know what this life holds or what our encounters with strangers will yield; all we can do is give it our best shot and live like we are dying… (Que inspiring music). 

Let me know if the foundation of this sardonic and surface level literature reference writing has potential… first ever post!

I just re-watched Clerks since the first time since my teens. I didn't have the same connection with Kevin Smiths work like a lot of people (especially the Gen X teens and twenty somethings who were there during his prime) as I mainly likes his films for his crude humor and pop culture references in my teen years. However, upon re-watching the movie for the first time in years surprisingly in the era where nerd culture and Clerks style of humor is prevalent in Hollywood sludge, Clerks still feels fresh.
Its a story that directionless teens and twenty somethings of any generation can relate to. No other film captures the timeless struggle of generation divide, sel- absorption, and being directionless of what one wants in life and what makes one happy then a film about two twenty something conveint store clerks. Despite mostly taking place in a convient store, the film tells a complex and meaningful tale of a man stuck in a never ending cylce of cynicism, bitterness, egotism, and lack of direction. Dante may not have the best life, but he has it better than most since he has a girlfriend named Veronica who loves him and brings him Lasagna and a best friend named Randal.
He may hate his job, but he unknowingly works there not knowing that he can chose not to work there. He can chose what makes him happy, and to realize what good he has. Instead, he still obsesses over Caitlin his old ex from high school, and not realize the good girlfriend he has named Catilin. He unknowingly works there, his sense of self-importance deludes him into thinking he is more important than he is. Randal acts as the perfect antithesis of it.
But we get to the best part, the ending. Dante realizes this and that he has control of what makes him happy after losing everything. He lost Veronica, fined for $500 by a health department representative, and potentially his job. That bitter-sweet tragedy is why the film should have end there. Its so timeless, because we are so caught up in the cultural divide and caught up in our role in society, that we don't realize what we have control of since its too late. This is why I prefer this ending over the ending where he got shot.
Its a message that holds super true today. In any period. With social media making most poeple depressed due it being easier to compare your success to others, COVID 19 and how it impacted the economy, Gen Z facing the quarter-life crisis, maxing culture, etc. I feel the films brutal honesty was lost due to its sequels focusing on the silly comedy and Dante and Randal going over the same arc in their 50s. But I feel that will never take away what makes Clerks 1 great. A film that can old that much meaning and impact being felt today despite it being made with a dude with little to know film experience with a shoe string budget really says something. This film undserstands the struggle of a directionless young adult nobody as it was made by a directionless young adult nobody. Not by an old big name Hollywood director or producter.

He was walking into the kitchen from hall and his sister was bent over and he grabbed her hips and touched her but and kinda trusted her. She's wearing black sweat pants I was wearing jeans I was in the same room standing right in front of him looking at him bc I was about to ask him a question
He also called his sister his girlfriend when the ball was next to her "The ball is next to my girlfriend" I'm on the completely different side of the room and sitting next to him
I dont think Being drunk is an excuse
He also smacked his other sister's butt as she walked by I am sitting not even a foot away from where he's standing, she was also wearing black leggings
They are both in their 20s And this was on his 18th birthday party
When I tried talking to him about it I cried alot it really felt like I had just been cheated on right infront of my eyes. He used the excuse that he was drunk and thought it was me. And when I said anything about cheating, he said it wasn't cheating bc he was in his own house and they are his sisters so it doesn't count
We've been in a relationship for a year and a half
It's been about 3 weeks since this happened and I still think about it everyday and I have sm anxiety when he goes out drinking bc what if he does it again with not his sister and I never find out, I feel like I have to be with him 24/7 while he's drinking and when he's not. I now have this huge anxiety that every time he gets drunk thar he's going to cheat.
What should I do and what would you do in this situation? I don't think I could ever leave him.

So my (21M) girlfriend (21F) went out with her girlfriend the other night to one of my girlfriend’s longtime friends apartment, his name is joey. i already wasn’t fond of this situation because she’s told me how close they’ve been and how she’s even went on family trips with him. i wasn’t comfortable with the fact that she was going to his house in the first place with her friend, let alone barely leaving my house at 10pm when his apartment is what i can assume 30-45 mins away. joey also happens to have another male roommate who i’ve seen commenting on my girlfriends tiktok’s, calling her pretty and whatnot. while i can’t say it’s active flirting he’s obviously attracted to my girlfriend. she was going to see them with her friend bc it was recently her 21sr birthday so i assumed she was also getting drunk with them. my problem is why she feels the need to go with her girlfriend to his apartment so late at night. she also barely mentioned the roommate. she didn’t think it was wrong to be hanging around either of them while drinking. i just feel like she knows that both of them find her attractive, so why would she even go. i don’t do anything of this sort, i don’t even have female friends to begin with i don’t see the need. this isn’t the first time she’s done this either i’ve asked her multiple times to stop. i just feel disrespected. am i in the wrong here?

(The letter is long, I know, but I believe it's a nice testimony to how strongly people can love)
I just want to write this down and tell you I love you so much baby. Just the fact I get to call you baby makes me so happy, it reminds me of how you used to hate that and never got why people said it. I don't even remember how it started but now that I get to call you baby, it makes me think that maybe I am truly showing you what love is. That thought makes me happy beyond belief, the thought that I've changed things about you for the better, that I've made you more confident, more comfortable, and even more happy??? God my love that's a feeling I'll cherish forever.
You're always stuck inside my head in the loveliest way possible. Even if you aren't there, my love is still right in my heart and mind the moment I wake up, every second of the day, the moment I fall asleep, and even in my dreams. You're the reason behind why I try and work so hard, so I can better myself and work to make an easy future for you and our family. If I had it my way, you wouldn't have to lift a finger if you so desired and I would happily work as hard as it would take to ensure that. I know I've said it before but I still promise when I graduate, I'll go to a college, I'll work hard and I'll save money so we can raise the family you've always wanted. When I get a good job from my degree, you'll be able to live the life you want and carve whatever path you desire without having to worry about all the things I've taken care of for you. I'm not saying you'll live the easiest life ever because dreams still take hard work, but just know you won't have to worry about the little things, all you'll have to worry about is your goals and ambitions.
All of this because I love you. How could I not love you more than anything when you have such a precious soul <3 You embody beauty and elegance in my eyes. It's no coincidence I'm reminded of you in every flower, every shining star, every colored leaf. You are as beautiful as the nature around us. You are the breeze amidst the heat to me, the melodies of songbirds in the morning. When I hold you, it reminds me of the warmth I feel from a stray piece of sun, cracking through the leaves to gently wrap and embrace my skin. I hope you truly believe deeply and without a doubt in your heart that this is forever. We're not just simply loosely bound as high school lovers, but tied by the soul eternally. I fully believe that if we have past lives, we met and loved through each one. So not only are we bound by this life, but whatever may come after. Even if it's scary to me, I know your presence will find me in some way and all of a sudden, just because you're there, it will all be okay.

here i am at 9:33pm, journaling to occupy myself, knowing that you’re 27 now. last year’s halloween party pops in my mind, the mental instagram reel of us posing together in our costumes. i deleted the picture yet I still remember it, clear as day. my eyes were slightly crossed from alcohol and you were smiling, hard. you told me that i looked fine, just slightly drunk, but i always wondered if you just liked how you looked in it with your broad shoulders in your roommate’s ironic costume idea.
I remember all these things. do you? do you remember the night i attempted to tell you of my mistake, and you kissed me in the dark. the nights we laughed and talked, woke up together, planned our sundays together. it’s as if it was yesterday we were running to Aldi’s to help you with your grocery shopping. When we would make breakfast and binge Kitchen nightmares and Breaking Bad, rushing to get our work done so we could sneak a couple beers in before the night ended to fall asleep in each others arms. do you remember? or do i mean nothing to you now? a stranger, a crazy ex, a story you’ll tell to your next SO someday who’ll scoff and call me a bitch the same way I did with your ex. the night when I sang a childhood song and everyone joined in despite our driver’s anime music playlist. so so many stupid “instagram reels”.
how difficult the days have become pursuing my career when you’re all i can fucking think about. I’m sorry, I’m a girl; it sickens me to have possibly been a source of... entertainment. But I know it’s not like that. I know you care. how pathetic i am at how much time i allowed myself to waste because of how the world seemed to stop and everything felt okay when i looked into your big, beautiful eyes. eyes that looked so innocent and beautiful to me then. the puppy like expression when you’d lay in my lap as i played with your hair, the pleasure of watching the weight of the world leave your shoulders when i massaged them because knowing i could make your day just 0.01% made my world shine just a little bit brighter.
the nights we spent talking Winter Break, the drunk calls you’d unknowingly make because you claimed you missed me. I loved you so stupidly much. the laughing, giggling, the favors you’d do for me. the spot in your bathroom that you somehow let me occupy for whatever reason. the time i got my period and nearly flushed in tears from sharing a traumatic experience, being fascinated by your love for our culture in a way id never seen, your love for houses, cars, real estate. the times you’d show me your emails and let me proofread them with my Nazi grammar. all of it. i fucking miss all of it. every moment. every day. every second. it’s you i can’t get out of my fucking mind. it’s your stupid laugh, that grin, that smile that drove me nuts, i wish i could burn the memories like pieces of paper in the fireplaces. small pieces of paper like the ones i’d use to write you love letters and reminders and hide them under your pillow; god I’m so sorry I smothered you. Know that I am so, so, sorry for everything. the idiotic allergies you’d get for no reason like a nerd, calling me a nerd, the nerdy acne you’d get right around your nose, that fucking one adorable dimple that’d creep out when you’re about to laugh or you’re making a stupid joke. my mind is a fucking hellfire of these stupid memories that i can’t extract. i want my heart to stop breaking every time i see someone at my job doing their fucking rotations. i want my soul back. i want my life back. i want my fucking emotions back. i used to be so happy and bubbly, your friends bullying me for being so naive and i never would’ve imagined you’d be the one to pop my bubble and make me feel so scarred. watching the beautiful moments turn into a living hell and just feeling like a skeleton of the girl i used to be because of the amount of pain you inflicted on me.
I love you.

I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I (26f) have been with my partner (26m) for almost 5 and a half years. This is my third "serious" relationship. I thought I finally found the one, a good man, someone I could spend the rest of my life with and finally be happy. I get along with his family, he gets along with mine. I know everyone has different thoughts and feelings on this, but I personally want to be married and have children. We discussed this at the beginning of our relationship and he agreed.
As time has gone on, things have become more tense whenever marriage is brought up. I feel like we have been together long enough and are at an age where that step should be happening. Every time I try to discuss it with him, he used to make excuses but I gave valid solutions and now he just gets mad and changes the subject. About a month or so ago, I wrote a letter for him because I am better at handling my emotions when my thoughts are written and not spoken. For two weeks he continued as if the letter didn't exist (he had read it).
Finally I broke and told him I couldn't keep pretending I was fine and we needed to talk about it. He said some bullshit like "I have some things I need to work on first", "it's not a problem with you, it's me", and "I want to be a better person for you". No actual reasoning for why he thinks this way. I've told him that not telling me is just causing my brain to run wild with scenarios and whatever the problem is, it can't be worse than what I've thought of and am torturing myself with every single day. Yet he still chooses to not talk and actively avoids me when I'm in a depressive episode over it.
At this point I realistically know my relationship is probably over, but I am just so lost. I do everything I can for this man and I am not even good enough to give the decency of an explanation? I have never once thought he was cheating on me or anything like that, but now I am questioning literally everything.
Anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk I guess.

Just ever since the end of 2019 it feels like life continues to fall the wrong way in a lot of ways. I’m in a great place financially, education, and job wise. In the parts that matter most tho it just feels like I’m heading down a road.
I used to have this picture of me decades down the road just sitting at home alone and empty just broken. Living the same day in and out. Just living to the next day just waiting for the day to end it all or just die.
This mainly spurs from the battles within and relationship issues whether that be friendships or more. Everyday is a battle and idk why but I keep waking up to just feel the same fucking shitty way everyday and keep grinding. Then just as the years have gone on I just lose everyone. A lot of them have been my fault my depression, and trauma issues make it hard sometimes and I snap cutting people off. Other times it’s the other person. And when neither of those are the issue god or whatever universal power seems to have a sick sense of humor, and just have the most unfortunate shit happen and it rips it apart. Ever since 2019 when my girlfriend died out of nowhere life just keeps hitting and beating again and again.
After what has happened over the last week or so with things that have happened with someone I feel I’ve finally started to reach that life picture I’ve thought of. Idk when it’ll be. Maybe a month, a year, decades, or hell maybe even never. But going forward in life no matter if I ended up dying prematurely or not. I just feel like I’m going to be that person everyone looks at that thinks is super happy and doing great, but in reality is broken and beat down beyond repair.
Thanks for tanking the time to read this. Probably doesn’t make sense so I apologize. I’m just really really lost and hopeless right now

He was walking into the kitchen from hall and his sister was bent over and he grabbed her hips and touched her but and kinda trusted her. She's wearing black sweat pants I was wearing jeans I was in the same room standing right in front of him looking at him bc I was about to ask him a question
He also called his sister his girlfriend when the ball was next to her "The ball is next to my girlfriend" I'm on the completely different side of the room and sitting next to him
I dont think Being drunk is an excuse
He also smacked his other sister's butt as she walked by I am sitting not even a foot away from where he's standing, she was also wearing black leggings
They are both in their 20s And this was on his 18th birthday party
When I tried talking to him about it I cried alot it really felt like I had just been cheated on right infront of my eyes. He used the excuse that he was drunk and thought it was me. And when I said anything about cheating, he said it wasn't cheating bc he was in his own house and they are his sisters so it doesn't count
We've been in a relationship for a year and a half
It's been about 3 weeks since this happened and I still think about it everyday and I have sm anxiety when he goes out drinking bc what if he does it again with not his sister and I never find out, I feel like I have to be with him 24/7 while he's drinking and when he's not. I now have this huge anxiety that every time he gets drunk thar he's going to cheat.
What should I do and what would you do in this situation? I don't think I could ever leave him.

I (29F) have a tumultuous relationship with my dad. He didn't take part in raising me since he and my mom divorced when I was 2 and we moved away, but we've been in and out of contact my whole life. He would send letters and then move, change his number, set up visits to us and never show up, quit paying child support, etc. We've talked on and off throughout the years but it always ends in arguments.
I can be pretty subborn and argumentative, so I don't tend to let things go if I don't feel like I have closure. This is where I'm starting to feel like the asshole. A few years ago in the Fall, I got pregnant and was stoked. I told him the news after being out of contact with him, and he was very excited too and booked a trip to come visit me around Christmas. Unfortunately, it was an extremely rough pregnancy for me. I got hyperemisis, lost 20 pounds, and had a miscarriage. I miscarried about a month before he was scheduled to come visit.
When I told him the news, he seemed sad at first, but then he stopped talking to me for about a week. About a week after I told him, he cancelled his trip to visit, saying he had Covid. (The trip wasn't for another 4 weeks, so I was confused but didn't push it). When the time for him to visit rolled around and I hadn't heard from him much, I saw him partying with his new girlfriend at a bar. I got extremely upset and blocked him on everything without saying a word to him. My miscarriage was also complicated and I had to have two surgeries to avoid getting sepsis. The whole thing was incredibly traumatic, and I was very hurt by him not showing up.
Fastforward to today, I've established contact with him again. He reached out to me on LinkedIn of all places, so I got worried something was up. Nothing was up, he just wanted to talk. He didn't ask how I was doing, he didn't ask if I'm okay, he just wanted to "talk to his daughter". We made small talk over a few weeks until he brough up my miscarriage off-handedly and I kind of went off on him.
He keeps saying he can't fix the past and he made mistakes, and he also tells me he was working a lot and that he had it really rough. He keeps saying he doesn't want to argue and he just wants to talk to his daughter, and that makes me feel a bit bad.
My dad has also told me that I am an asshole and no explanation he gives me will ever be good enough for me. Am I the asshole for refusing to forgive my dad for abandoning me?

Hey everyone, this is my first time posting on Reddit. I really just need a space for unbiased advise and a place to rant.
For context I’ll start from the beginning. It’ll be a long story, so thank you in advance to anyone who actually takes the time to read this.
4 years ago, I met my now husband, and he had just obtained full custody of my SD6 at 2 years old. Since the day I’ve came into both of their lives, I have stepped up to take on full time care of her and be a stay at home parent. When I came into the picture BM was on drugs, in and out of jail and having hallucinations that she was verbal about. She was granted supervised visits every weekend. For the first year my husband handled all exchanges and after awhile BM and I became cordial and comfortable enough for me to be involved in them due to my husband switching jobs and not being readily available for the outlined times created in the original custody agreement. Most of the time it was SD’s grandparents doing pick up/drop off, which they are cool people. So it was pretty simple. At that point, I was staying home caring for my SD full time, taking her to doctors appointments, working with her learning and development (I went to a 2 year technical school for early childhood education and obtained my CDA), bonding with her, taking her out for socialization, doing every “mom” thing, but as a step mom. I have always tried my hardest to be humble and know my place as a step mom, I’ve allowed room for bio mom to have a say in the day to day, birthdays, video chats, school events (when she started going to school) and BM never wanted much to do with it until about a year ago. We have encouraged BM to take SD to appointments, and she either forgets or bails last minute. I’ve never gone out of my way and claimed myself to be mom, I’ve never asked SD to call me mom, I’ve kept constant respect in reguards to BM despite her ~very poor~ behavior towards me and my entire household at that.
BM has expressed a lot how she wants more time with SD within the last year, but there have been multiple times where people in our area have came to my husband letting him know of her trying to buy drugs again (with proof), her hanging out with the wrong crowd, and her just being inconsistent with her daughter. My husband and I have been very transparent with her about how if she would pass a hair follicle test that we would be happy to arrange that for her and my SD (which is the condition outlined in the custody agreement). There was even a point in time where my husband and I offered to pay for her to go take one, which she declined.
Fast forward to now. BM has now obtained disability checks for her drug induced schizophrenia, has a place of her own and is in a “good”(?) relationship with another man. My SD came home crying to me today asking where her daddy was (he was still at work) so that her mommy could apologize to him and they could get back together again, to which BM didn’t intervene very much or at all (she just stood there crying too saying “remember our conversation we had earlier!”). SD comes home often and tells me about all of the photos her mom has on her phone of my husband and her mom together and how they frequently look at them. I’ve never really gave it toooooo much thought, because they are her mom and dad afterall, so I think is great she has photos of them. But then she will tell me about how her daddy stole a piece of her moms heart and stole her away from her mom. Or how it makes BM really sad that BD won’t “allow” SD to spend more time with her.
I can’t help but feel as though BM is pushing these adult feelings on to my SD. She has never once came home crying like that or has ever entertained her mom and dad getting back together. Our life as of now, has been all she has known since she was 2. I will add that my husband and I had another child together a year ago, which has been an adjustment for all of us, but she has seldomly expressed jealous behavior and really enjoys the role of being a big sister. I am really stuggling navigating this situation, where I feel like I am almost being disrespected by BM and that my SD is being emotionally manipulated into resenting her dad and I. SD’s life there is a lot different as we share different parenting styles in our home. We have structure and boundaries here and she doesn’t get that at her mothers (visits are held at BM’s parents house). She has full access to an iPad there (which we don’t allow in our house), she isn’t encouraged to eat meals and comes home starving from their house (they buy her McDonald’s for dinner every weekend unless they are going to a cookout), they buy her a new toy consistently every weekend, and overall very lax with her. Which that’s great, that’s her parenting time, she can do as she pleases. From a kid’s perspective, that’s a whole ass dream!!!! But I don’t have the means to do that here and frankly I feel it’s my job as a parent to set healthy boundaries and structure.
I am really the main caretaker in this situation with SD and my own biological child. My husband works very hard long hours to obtain the nice/frugal life that we live in this shitty economy. I want bio mom to be successful and I want the best for her, but I can’t understand the way that she handles her feelings and expressing them to my SD. It’s a lot for my SD to handle and it really overwhelms her.
Ultimately the ball is in BM’s court, to take a drug test, which like I said we have been very transparent that in the custody agreement that is what’s outlined for her to be able to obtain unsupervised overnight parenting time. That’s what my husband and I feel most comfortable with, anyway, in the sense of protecting SD from a toxic environment and inconsistancy. I’m sorry if this post is too long. And if you read all the way thru your gods favorite. Because I’m fucking struggling.
I will always be here for my SD no matter WHAT, and I could never talk poor of her mother to her. Even if sometimes I want to. No matter what I am encouraging and validating SD feelings and expressing them to me and her father in a healthy way and being open to conversation. It was never my intention to take motherhood away from bio mom. You can lead a horse to water but ya can’t make it drink the water. Anyone know what I mean? Maybe? Idk. Someone help😭 I struggle badly with anxiety and I’ve highly considered therapy to help me navigate parenting in this situation. I guess this is the next best thing until I can get that help.

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and we have a 3 year old son. I'm very extroverted and have a lot of friends while my husband is very introverted and only has 3 friends who all happen to be female. Over the past year and a half, he got very close to one of them but I never put the kibosh on it because he has so few friends. Just at the beginning of May he had a couple nights where he did not come home because he was at her house. On the second night that he did not come home, I waited up for him and confronted him when he came in the front door. I gave him the ultimatum to either stop talking to her or to leave. At first he decided to stop talking to her and to work on our relationship. However, after a few days, he decided it wasn't worth it after we had done a silly marriage workbook and I just ended up asking him about accountability. I wanted to know what kept him from doing this again or what kept him from abandoning me when something more so severe in my life may be going on like ill physical or mental health. He has also done other things like spend $500 on a stripper on my last birthday when he was on a work trip out of town, and then after I had my son he racked up more than $800 in bills on only fans. He thought about it for a moment and told me that he was only going to hurt me again and again, and that there was no reason to try. I ended up convincing him to stay and that it would be worth trying for to keep stuff together for our family.
However, a couple days later I caught him messaging her again. I confronted him and he told me that while he loved me, he wasn't romantically in love with me. That I wasn't meeting his needs and I didn't understand him like she did. At this point we were still having sex at least twice a week. I helped him get his green card. I helped him get his license back. I bought him a new car every time he wrecked one. And I just helped him get into college. It was also smoking anywhere from 100 to $300 worth of weed every week, and I was just taking it on the chin and figuring out our finances around it. At this point, I just asked him to leave. He cried and moaned while I made him pack a bag, and was upset that I was asking him to leave which would prevent him from being there for our son. However, I told him if he remained I wouldn't be able to be there for our son, and that's what mattered the most to me.
He ended up leaving and staying with his stepdad. According to his mother and his sister, he's been taking money from his dad because he said I was still receiving his paychecks (which I am not) and that he has been into his dad's medical cabinet to try to take painkillers and his dad's diabetic needles. The girl that he is hooking up with has mental health issues and with drug usage. He also has prior issues with drug usage. He's also been switched psych medications four times in the past year.
At one point he offered to reconcile and just get to come home by stopping seeing her. But I told him that there was way more that we would need to work on before he could come home. He ended up going back to her and then trying to come back to me. And then just yo-yoing between the two of us for several weeks before he eventually decided to just pick her. He's now trying to blame the end of our marriage on me for being a "mean bitch who is no fun" and that I'm not accountable for my actions in ending this. However, I had overlooked so much of his previous bad behavior to remain in a relationship with him so my son would have a father. I tried to get him to help me understand what I had done wrong, and he told me that I was impossible to communicate with which is why he never communicated his needs to me.
He has also told me that he doesn't want any more kids, and that he doesn't believe in God. He told me that co-parenting our son will be fine, even though I've told him how much my parents divorce at a similar age deeply ended up wounding me as a child. He thinks just because he's going to be around some. It's better than his father who wasn't around at all. However, I told him sometimes it's more painful to have your dad two cities away living a life with a new family than it is to have an immovable image completely gone from your life.
He talks about co-parenting our son, but he is only seeing him a handful of times in the month that he's been gone. Most of those occasions have been at my suggestion and I have also been present. He's also stood us up once because he told me he had gone to the woods to contemplate suicide instead of meeting up with us. He doesn't call our son every night even though a FaceTime call with him would probably only last like 2 to 5 minutes. He's only sent me $320 to deal with expenses in the month that he has been gone along with getting our son a haircut. At each of these meetings he starts off by being horrible to me and rude. By the end, he's softened and does whatever he can to spend as much time with me and my son before he leaves. Even after my son goes to bed he wants to hang out and smoke a joint together. However, this last time he came to drop our son off, he got really sore at me because one of our mutual friends had sent him pictures of a conversation I had with them. In the conversation, I had Said that my husband and this girl are in a codependent cabal, and the only thing that they have in common are poor morals and bad teeth. He was upset by that but all of it was true. Now he refuses to see me or communicate with me. He told me that he wants to be friends but I can't say mean stuff like that. However, he says a bunch of mean things to me all the time about me being a horrible wife and how perfect this new woman is. Both of us want to be friends for the benefit of our son, but I just don't think I have it in me. He always says things to me to make me feel low, and he acts like I should just be over it even though it hasn't even been a month yet.
My life has completely changed and I feel so much grief over the life I thought I had, the partner I thought I had, and the future that I thought I had. It feels like a devil has crawled into his skin and is walking around pretending to be him. I feel so much resentment being left to pick up the pieces of our life and to hold everything together for our son. He gets to go run away and fuck someone new, while I have to be strong and stoic. I don't understand how I can be friends with someone who's hurt me so much and has cared so little. He's going to miss out on so much of our son's life and he doesn't even care. He's just convinced himself that life with me would be miserable. Even though we had so many good times together, and I had always tried my hardest to make him happy and to make sure our family's needs were met. He didn't even want to go to therapy and he didn't even want to try to start things over by dating me again. I'm just so disappointed.
I don't know where to go from here. I am definitely talking to a divorce lawyer. I worry about whether or not he's using drugs, and whether or not he'd be safe around our son. I definitely don't want this woman around our son and he doesn't see the big deal with it. Should I just cut him out of my life? Should I cut him out of my son's life? Should I try to be friends with him? It's all so hard because it's just all so shocking and I still love him. Part of me wants to reconcile but also part of me is starting to realize how easy my life is without him around. He's also also kept trying to make reconciliation not an option. What should I do?

AITA for not inviting my cousin to my son’s birthday. My cousin, Heather (27F) and I (28F) have been closing growing up but we recently stopped taking to me.
My son’s 2nd bday was coming up and I didn’t want to throw party since he wouldn’t remember it. Instead my parents and sisters decided we would go to Disneyland. As his birthday came closer, my Tia and my son’s other grandma, who werent going to Disney, asked if they could throw him a bday party. I obviously said yes. Both of them told me to not worry about money or to plan the party, since I was already going to Disney. My son’s grandma told me I could invite whoever but she also kept asking how many people I was inviting because she was scared she wasn’t going to have enough food. I have a large family and so does my son’s dad so I invited my immediate family (10 adults plus there kids). I also invited 1 of my cousins who’s outside of my immediate family because I am really close to his wife, Jenny, and we are gym partners. I didn’t think it was a big deal.
Jenny ended up posting a video of us singing happy birthday and a few hours later, Heather texted me “thanks for inviting me to the party!” Obviously it was a sarcastic tone and I explained that I wasn’t trying to invite a lot of people since it wasn’t my party. When you invite her you also have to invite her parents and siblings which is another 10-15 people. I apologized if she felt left out and it wasn’t my intention to leave her out. I told her we were having another party at my Tia house tomorrow that she’s more than welcome to come to. She didn’t come and hasnt talked to me much since (the parties were in February)
Since then, she invited me to her son’s birthday and have seen her at different family parties. We’ve had a few conversions about work but doesnt respond to my text messages like she use to. Jenny told me she was confiding in her about how she’s still upset about not being invited and feels like I purposely don’t invite her to the gym or other events, which isn’t the case. She also said I act different since me and my bf (sons dad) got back together (which I don’t think I do lol)and I’m not a good godmother to her kid. My Jenny told Heather that she should reach out to me because she thinks there is a miss understanding but Heather said it’s not worth her time because this has been happening since we were kids… She hasn’t talked to me about it and I tried to invite her to another event to make sure she doesn’t feel left out. She hasn’t replied to the invite and I doubt she will go.
Some of my cousins are saying I should take the high road and reach out to her to have a sit down conversion to ease the tension. Others are saying who cares and let her talk because this isn’t the first time she’s acted like this towards me. Tbh I feel like it wouldn’t be productive but I’m really not sure what to do. AITA for not inviting my cousin to my son’s 2nd birthday?

I got black out drunk last night and did mushrooms at birthday party. Woke up in a pool of orange juice. The stains won’t come out. I also made a fool of myself at the party. Funnily enough, I’ve been thinkin alot about suicide today. I don’t know where this story is going. I feel like an idiot. I also have anxiety. I can’t talk to people sober. When i talk i don’t even make sense. I barely open my mouth. I mumble. I live in a small town. everyone knows everyone. I look like a druggie. I am a druggie. And everyone knows im a druggie. I am really into music. i hate myself and want to die. Thats a nirvana song. I am behind my peers in life. My brother is dead. I had a girlfriend. She tried to kill herself. I was unemployed for 3 years. i am told that i am physically attractive. (Not just by my mother.) I have never told my parents that i love them. I’m not sure if i do. Talking to women gives me panic attacks. I hate eating in public, i hate seeing people i vaguely know in public. I hate surprises. I love feeling sorry for myself. I’m extremely pessimistic. Animals are very affectionate towards me. Narcissists can smell me from a mile away. They befriend me, then fuck me in the ass. I exercise daily. Eat healthy during the week. Get 8 hours of sleep a night. Meditate 30 mins a day. Take cold showers, Do exposure therapy (not as much as i should.) Anxiety has ruined my life. Im 25 now and things are only getting worse. My grandad stuck a garden hose in his car exhaust. Can you guess what happened next? i was 8 years old when i overheard my mother say “op is going to end up just like him.” I think she was right.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/user posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Short
Original - 14th May 2024
Update - 25th May 2024
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AITAH for not getting my ex wife anything for Mother’s Day?
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My ex wife (34F) and I (35M) finalized our divorce proceedings last year. It was fairly amicable, we had fallen out of love, and that’s all there was to it. We also have a daughter who’s 14.
I have now been dating my current girlfriend for a few months, and we celebrated Mother’s Day yesterday. My daughter asked me if I could get something for her mother, like flowers, and I told her no.
My ex wife and I are still amicable, but I don’t see any reason for getting gifts for my ex wife. I know my ex wife is not dating right now. Since my ex wife gave birth to our daughter, I used to go all out every year for Mother's day, and treated Mother's day as a very special day. But we're not in a relationship anymore, and I explained that to my daughter.
Was I the AH?
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Comments
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elysabyth
YTA because your CHILD asked for help and you said no. You could have taken her and given her a few dollars to go get flowers (it wasn't coming from you.)
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mouse_1963
Agree. This wasn’t about your ex-wife, it was about your daughter and her mum. YTA
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cupholdery
OP telling on himself while trying to get internet points.

Because my girlfriend lives with me now, and she has been amazing to my daughter and has taken over all the motherly duties.

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ThrowawayFishFingers
“I have to be nice to my new bangmaid or she’ll leave me, too!”
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Silver-Raspberry-723
I have a daughter in her mid 30’s with 3 children 9,7 and 4. She is currently going a really acrimonious divorce. Like hugely horrible.
Weekend before Mother’s Day, was his weekend. He went out and bought 2 vases and paints and helped the kids decorate them and filled them with her favorite roses for the kids to give their mom.
No, he does not want her back. He just loves his kids.
YATAH Do better.
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**Judgement - YTA*\*
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Update - 11 days later
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So a quick update, my girlfriend and I got engaged yesterday! I am really happy, but I also realized I was an AH and should have allowed my daughter to get her mom a Mother's Day gift. So I gave my daughter $200 today and told her to buy her mom a nice Mother's day gift, and my daughter was really happy about it.
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Comments
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ZeroZipZilchNadaNone
Good for you on funding your daughter’s gift for her mother.
Quite frankly though, even though you felt it important enough to brag about first, we ready don’t care about your engagement. You only finalized the divorce last year. Are you really jumping into another engagement/marriage this quick or is your new fiancée the true reason for your divorce? What does your daughter think about it? Is she happy about it or are you blindly shoving it down her throat?
Best wishes to your daughter.
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Prestigious_Dee
Wow! $200? That’s a lot!
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Upset_Sink_2649
That's with guilt tax included.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hey Two Hot Takes community. I need your advice! AITA for not inviting my cousin to my sons birthday. My cousin, Heather (27F) and I (28F) have been closing growing up but we recently stopped taking to me and I’m not sure what to do.
To give a little background on our relationship, my mom and her dad cousins. Our families spent a lot of time at each others houses and we are only 1 year apart so we were always together. Throughout the years, we had fights (like when she asked me to be her maid of honor then told me to step down to brides maid since I was “too busy” with university . Total different story.. lol) but this one is really messing with my head.
My son’s 2nd birthday was coming up and I didn’t want to throw party since he wouldn’t remember it. Instead my parents and sisters decided we would go to Disneyland. As his birthday came closer, my Tia (aunt) and my son’s other grandma, who werent going to Disneyland, asked if they could throw him a birthday party. I obviously said yes. Both of them told me to not worry about money or to plan the party, since I was already going to Disney. My son’s grandma told me I could invite whoever but she also kept asking how many people I was inviting because she was scared she wasn’t going to have enough food. I have a large family and so does my son’s dad so I invited my immediate family (10 adults plus there kids). I also invited 1 of my cousins who’s outside of my immediate family because I am really close to his wife, Jenny, and we are gym partners. I didn’t think it was a big deal.
Jenny ended up posting a video of us singing happy birthday and a few hours later, Heather texted me “thanks for inviting me to your son’s party!” Obviously it was a sarcastic tone and I explained that I wasn’t trying to invite a lot of people since it wasn’t my party. When you invite her you also have to invite her parents and siblings which is another 10-15 people. I apologized if she felt left out and it wasn’t my intention to leave her out. I told her we were having another party at my Tia house tomorrow that she’s more than welcome to come to. She didn’t come and hasnt talked to me much since (the parties were in February)
Since then, she invited me to her son’s birthday and have seen her at different family parties. We’ve had a few conversions about work but doesnt respond to my text messages like she use to. Jenny told me she was confiding in her about how she’s still upset about not being invited and feels like I purposely don’t invite her to the gym or other events, which isn’t the case. She also said I act different since me and my bf (sons dad) got back together (which I don’t think I do lol)and I’m not a good godmother to her kid. My Jenny told Heather that she should reach out to me because she thinks there is a miss understanding but Heather said it’s not worth her time because this has been happening since we were kids… She hasn’t talked to me about it and I tried to invite her to another event to make sure she doesn’t feel left out. She hasn’t replied to the invite and I doubt she will go.
Some of my cousins are saying I should take the high road and reach out to her to have a sit down conversion to ease the tension. Others are saying who cares and let her talk because this isn’t the first time she’s acted like this towards me. Tbh I feel like it wouldn’t be productive but I’m really not sure what to do. So am I the asshole for not inviting my cousin to my son’s 2nd birthday?
Thank you for reading this and hopeful you can give some advice on what to say or how I make this better.

sorry this is long. For context, I am 29 years old and have been dating my boyfriend (now fiancé) for 5 years. I have been wanting to move in for about 2 years but have held off due to the fear of my very controlling parents. There are a lot of positives to moving in and I have been staying at my fiancé's house on and off a couple days at a time- for years. Recently I have had a health condition that developed and I needed some extra support and have been staying over for a month. I wanted to wait to move in a couple months after our engagement so my parents could have some time to feel like we didn't just get engaged to move in with each other, but this new health scare has kinda put it into perspective for me and it now just makes more sense for us to do what we want to be happy.
For background my parents are from Central America with a lot of culture and religious beliefs. They raised us ( I have an older sister) to be christian (baptist) and fairly conservative with our upbringing- so to them this is an ultimate sin (besides getting pregnant before marriage and other religious stuff like that). I have really lived my entire life for them, doing what they want and have been a people pleaser because of it. My mom has narcissistic tendencies and I see a lot of the toxic as I grow older and have my own opinions and beliefs.
here are just some conditions they put on my fiancé to propose to me ( which he replied, he'd happily do whatever I wanted):

• we have to move back to the city they live in. there's NO way we would be able to afford a house or live where they live.
• I have to go to med school alone ( to them it means single)
• we cannot get married before I graduate medical school I haven't even applied to med school yet
• I cannot move in with him

I honestly can't remember them all. and after I got engaged my mother said she "approved an engagement but not a wedding" *sigh*
So, I got the courage to finally do what I want and wrote a very respectful letter to my parents, asked them to meet with me and drove down with my fiancé (they live 3 hours away) to talk to them. They refused to speak to my fiancé because they wanted to speak to me alone, and that already had put me with a lot of stress because I wanted his support ( also as a secondary listener) to what my parents were saying to not be gaslit or anything. They say that my fiancé is not part of the family so he should not be involved ( mind you my sister had dated her husband for 10 years and they are now married...and they still say he is NOT FAMILY). My letter basically stated this is what I think is best for me at this stage in my life, I am not necessarily asking for their permission but I hope they can support me or at least respect it. That I know we have different beliefs and values and I understand their frustrations but I dont want to wait to live my authentic happy life.
also important to note: my mom has stated previously that I could live my life when they are dead *sigh*
anyways...clearly I feel like everyone knew that it wouldn't go great. and it didn't. I do think that we had an OK conversation and no one was yelling, we didn't agree and left it as that..and I left.
I woke up to this email (translated from Spanish):
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“We just want to inform you about what we have decided based on your decision to move in with [fiancé] 1-Not only is it a great dissapointment for us your decision but more important it is a deep pain for both of us because we have based our life on raising them with good principles, morals, but above all obedience to God and what voice you plan to do is unpleasant in the eyes of God. 2-your dad says that if in the future you marry [ Fiancé name], he won’t deliver you like he did with your sister. 3- It makes me very sad that you use me as an excuse for what happened at your sisters wedding that were normal disagreements that were fixed But you only remember the negative. 4-economically you will no longer be helped, the goal of helping you is that you are not yet economically independent and that you do not feel the Pressure of Economically and that you didn’t feel the Move with someone on the roof, food, etc. to have a home with your parents. Your car insurance ends today, your phone line will be given to you until June so that you can transfer your data and information but by July we are going to disconnect your phone. 5-For holidays or when you want to come, you can come alone if you want, we don’t want to see [Fiancé name] because as a gentleman he is under the status of taken advantage of, and fake because if we had known that his intention was to move with you we would never have agreed to the commitment, he lied to us and deceived us. I don’t respect our values. Your dad says that we are not going to see you too, if you want you can come alone, and let us know when you are going to come. It is important that you know all this before you make the decision to go live with him and put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Think and meditate on everything well, so that later you don’t regret, a man’s manipulation towards a woman can be subtle but it is always manipulation.”
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there's a lot to unpack here, and well with my sisters wedding it was defiantly not normal disagreements: my mom called her ugly, refused to walk down with certain people, berated her and stated she was marrying into "that family" and pretty much traumatized me of weddings ...but this post isn't about my sisters experience.
I am able to financially support myself ( they have just always offered) so I never felt like it wasn't an issue. Moving in would help with saving money for medical school, wedding etc. but its not the only reason we want to take this next step.
I have been basically left with the choice to either move in with my fiancé and my parents cut us off and my dad doesn't walk me down the aisle ( most hurtful part). or I don't move in, but the damage is done with my fiancé, and this will enable them to treat me poorly and think that they can control me for the rest of my life.
its always been hard for me to distinguish the toxic and abusive patterns of my parents because I am first generation American and that guilt alone is wild, as well as I know what my parents have sacrificed and came from to give me a better life. But this letter feels like they are willing to just cut ties for 1 decision I am making... and friends have asked why don't we just get married...my parents also said they won't approve a fast wedding and well...they don't want me married until after med school (5 years down the line).
so it really comes down to: can I live with myself if I cut my parents off? and I just don't know. AITAH or is it them?

My (now ex) partner (20nb) and I (20f) were reluctantly trying long distance during my study abroad summer program, but have just recently broken up due to miscommunications about my actions trying out being a model on an online site.
Originally, my partner was insistent against long distance at all but I slowly won them over. I was really happy just to try this, because I really love my partner and didnt want to lose them. However, I was often very confused with the status of what was going on between us. Things alternated between being okay and not being okay, though I noticed they often werent satisfied with our relationship for more than a couple days at a time. I long distance was really hard for them, and although I sent gifts and letters and we called often it did not seemed to still fulfill them the way it did me.
Before I left, we had discussed trying out a adult site together because my friends were trying it out and having a lot of success. We didnt have time to actually try out the site together before I left, so I decided to try it out on my own, and I made sure to update my partner when I was working and that it was going good.
I made some big mistakes in that I thought them and I were on the same page about the work, especially since I thought that since we would do it together, it would be a similar situation for me to go about it alone for the purpose of some extra cash and trying something new. Things all the sudden got really bad when I voluntarily shared a detail about a member interaction, I stupidly had been picturing that they knew exactly what the situation was or did not mind since I was never trying to hide anything, and I had never imagined this would hurt them or break us up.
I can imagine how foolish I must seem in the communication I have lacked here. I really love my partner and I am devastated that I have hurt them so much. I have never been in a long distance relationship and had never before had a reason to even imagine a a person to make long distance relationship worth it.
We were supposed to meet up on a trip in two weeks and they have expressed that they still want to, although as only friends and they do not want me to think of it as anything romantic. I expressed that although this will most likely be extremely difficult for me, I obviously still want to go see them.
I acknowledge and take full responsibility for my behavior, Id like to know anyones advice on what might be the best thing to do in this situation. It often takes me an extremely long time to move on from breakups and Ive never loved anyone in this way. They have expressed that time heals everything and that I am can pursue them until maybe I will win them over, but that Ive hurt them very much.
I basically know that I just have to wait, but it is so hard for me to think about anything else. We are so opposite in so many ways which made things hard, but we made each other so happy and we took care of each other, especially when we could be physically in each others presence. If anyone has thoughts on anything I can do to help make this right, please please share.
Thank you everyone

***Throwaway. Not sure if this letter belongs here, but I really need to get this out somewhere. We're currently only a month into NC and I can't handle not being able to send this to her. But, I want to respect her space and will wait until she is ready. anyway, here it is:
I want to begin by stating that the sole purpose of this letter is to take responsibility of all my actions in our relationship, something I couldn't do while we were together due to my immaturity and lack of awareness. I did not take responsibility for anything. I planned on keeping this in my drafts and not sending it. I was afraid of how you would react to this. I'm not anticipating a response from you, I simply want to express this to you because it's long overdue. I never had the chance to sincerely and completely apologize for how I exploited your trust, compassion, and love.
at the 2 year mark of our relationship I started to become manipulative, insecure, needy, immature, and I stonewalled in our arguments/disagreements constantly. I broke down, withdrew from what was going on and tried to avoid it by not communicating back to you, which put a lot of damage on us and especially you as a person overtime. I never made you feel heard. Only now I see how much it has wounded you emotionally and, I truly never intended to cause you such distress. I was completely unaware of how disgusting everything I was saying and doing to you was. It was only after you left that I finally saw the full result of my own actions. While I should have been building you up I was doing the complete opposite. I got jealous over things you never did and that was a reflection of how insecure I was about myself. All you did was try to show me love and compassion every single day and I took advantage of it. How I handled our relationship was completely horrible and I truly regret doing that to you.
I am sorry for the numerous times that I manipulated you into not doing something for our relationship, when in reality it was for my own selfish reasons. Who do I think I am? No person should have control over another person and what they can do or not do in a relationship. I made you sacrifice your happiness and sanity for mine. I selfishly prioritized my own version of happiness and completely rejected your desires and needs. My actions were the result of my insecurities, traumas, and fears, which I deeply regret projecting onto you and I am so sorry for doing so. I am finally seeking the help I need to address these underlying issues. You told me time after time to work on it and I always failed to do so.
if you ever find yourself blaming yourself for anything that has happened in our relationship, please don't. Everything was completely my fault and I could’ve handled our situations more maturely. I had the inability to do what I said I was going to do; by not focusing on the inner work necessary to grow as a person and becoming a healthier partner. I look back at who I was, and I don’t recognize that person at all. I see an immature and childish boy who lost himself, grew complacent and went back to his high school mentality. I remember you saying something related to “i have no self confidence” or something like that and in that moment it was so low that I got offended by it. WHAT A WUSS. I was ignorant about my own issues and didn’t have the courage to do the inner work necessary to grow and as a result I continued to lash out at you or blame my past for the way I am. I couldn't stand myself or look in the mirror and face the person I was; I constantly questioned you and made you feel no trust from my end because I was so insecure within myself.
You were the first person in my life to ever show me what true affection felt like. I have never ever felt anything close to how you made me feel ever since the first night we met. you saw me in a way that no other person could and it felt like you always managed to see the good in me. As Zach Bryan says in his song, "the only bad you've ever done, was to see the good in me." It hits harder now. The day I lost you is the day I finally realized that I pushed you over the edge and I have no idea how I could do that to such an amazing and loving person like yourself. It was only then, that I decided to take action, and actually put in the work to be a healthier and loving partner. I became to comfortable with the fact that I would never lose you. I truly fckn regret it. I don't forgive myself for the way I acted and handled things in the relationship, but I'm growing and learning from the mistakes I made to be a more mature and loving partner. I'm sorry it took all that pain for me to take action.
I refused to respect the boundaries you were giving to me. I didn't listen to the hints you made and didn’t realize that it was something you wanted and needed from me. I overlooked it because again, I wasn’t aware of anything. I completely understand why you are so pissed off and possibly over me. I am ashamed of the way I have behaved in this relationship. no person should have to put up with that AT ALL. I understand an apology alone cannot undo the damage I have done, but I want you to know that I'm committed to making amends, if the opportunity to prove myself ever arises. But, after everything I've done, I don't know if that is or will ever be possible for you.
I just wanted to say thank you for forcing me to rebuild and becoming a better version of myself. you made me want to be more in tune and aware from within. I became so unattractive in your eyes and I know you couldn't stand who I turned into. I grew complacent and lost that happy, loving person you fell in love with. I'm not expecting you to stay as a friend or take me back as a partner. I now completely understand how badly I took advantage of your time and love throughout our relationship. no matter what happens, just know I love you with everything in me and always will, no matter what happens between us. You will always have a special place in my heart until that casket drops.
I'm truly, TRULY, sorry for giving you such an unhealthy commitment for the time we’ve been together.
B.