hey yall! i stay up late for my job and find myself wandering to the kitchen, (i work at home.) something thats worked for me so far is eating high density with lower calories, like loading my meals with lettuce, simply because i just enjoy eating, and it tricks my brain. but these late nights i find it hard to not binge a bag of chips. i don’t even want them, its more something to simulate my mouth, and a bit of hunger too because my calorie deficit makes me a bit hungry (not that that is an issue for me)
i’ve been told to allow myself things in smaller quantities to avoid binging, but this doesn’t work for me, and id rather eat a lot of the healthier option.
so anyone got low calorie high volume foods? (snackable or not,) currently i eat butter free popcorn & lettuce as i mentioned before, but id like some more options, if anyone has any! cheers

Trigger warning: spousal addiction, depression, and anger
I’m struggling. I’m a (F)30’s married to a M(30’s). We’ve been married for four years and we have a 3 year old daughter and are thinking about having another one.
The only problem is that I’m completely checked out of our marriage because of my husband’s addiction, depression, and anger issues. All of these issues surfaced after we got married and he lost his mom. Let me tell you, it is WEARING on me. I’ve been in therapy every week for almost 2 years, we’ve been seeing a marital counselor once a month for over 2 years, he’s been actively in therapy for over 2 years, and he has been participating in OA for 6 months. The only thing I’ve seen an improvement in is his anger… and even that is questionable.
His main addiction is food, he has been diagnosed with a binge eating disorder on top of it. It became apparent that he was an addict about 6 months ago when I caught him lying about drinking 2 days in a row. He was obviously drunk after being home alone for a few hours and lied about it. Turns out he drank a fifth two days in a row within a few hours. I brought it up in therapy and we came to the realization that he was an addict and had a history with cocaine, alcohol, weed and food.
I question if he’s even going to OA meetings because he will not admit that he is an addict. The first step to working the program is admitting you are an addict and the addiction controls you. He only admits he has a problem with food and says he’s “kicked” other addictions. Side note: he lied about alcohol use 2 weekends ago and recently admitted that when we met he was binging on adderall and has been lying about that for 6 years. He told me he didn’t tell me because he knew I would break up with him. I feel duped, I would’ve never married an addict if I had known.
I don’t enjoy spending time with him because he is chronically negative and complains about everything. Last weekend we got into a huge argument because of his negativity. I straight up asked him if he was ever happy and he said “no, not most of the time.” Since he was diagnosed with depression a few years ago and still has that feeling I told him he needed to go on depression meds for his daughter and I. He told me no and “that’s just the way I am, you knew this when you married me.” Note- I did not.
As I mentioned before, he also has anger issues. He often flies off the handle over small things. Luckily, he no longer gets loud and scary, but he still cannot accept any sort of criticisms or requests to do anything. If I even so much as ask him to clean up his beard hair in the sink he says I’m “coming at him.” To help the situation, I’ve been working on my tone in therapy. My tone is a trigger for him. The other day I asked him to help me clean and he told me my tone for the request was good, but I was still coming at him. I can’t win.
We do not get along, we are probably only happy 5% of the time. We don’t have sex. Honestly, I dread spending any time with him because we are constantly fighting. I told my therapist I was fantasizing about divorcing him and she said I have every right to. She wants me to talk to him during our next therapy appointment about the toll everything has taken on me and my considerations for divorce, but I feel like this conversation has been a broken record with him. We constantly talk about this in marital therapy. Things are good for a few weeks after, then they go to shit again.
Despite all of these issues we are dealing with, he’s great dad and we are VERY financially stable. I’d like to give my daughter a sibling… he’s a vet so any kids I have with him will have free college and free healthcare until they’re 26. But again, the issues above have me COMPLETELY checked out of our marriage.
Even if we don’t have another kid, I’m concerned about the long term implications for my daughter. We both are clearly not in love and I’m afraid that’s going to negatively impact her. At the same time, I’m worried that if I divorce him I won’t be able to keep tabs on his addictive behaviors around her. He’s very good at lying and often throws the “I’m a disabled veteran” at people to gain sympathy. If any active addiction concerns ever came up in custody or care discussions I know he’d lie about it.
I’ve asked him to participate in a marriage intensive but he refuses. He says he needs to work on his own crap in therapy and that our monthly marriage therapy is enough. I’ve also communicated that if he does not get help and does not actively seek addiction treatment I’m out, but I never put a date on it. I’m so close to filing for divorce. What would you do in this situation?

after a substantial amount of time sober, i fell back into the demon’s mouth about a month ago. since then i have been on a few binges and purges, always telling myself it’ll be the last time, drawn in by the limelight of euphoria and scared off by the harrowing depths this drug can bring you to. limiting the duration to avoid a habit but cutting the cord before i feel truly “done” with the song and dance.
nonetheless i feel so lovely in my skin tonight. i have enough to end my life, i may but i won’t. not yet. i’ll stop again in a day or two, from there it’s hard to say where it’ll lead or when it’ll be back.
it’s saturday night and the sky is clear and my face is flush and my room is comfortably warm. i’m singing to the void and clutching to the false belief that this is fine. everything will be fine.
be safe, love yourself, have a shower.

For the first time today since starting mounjaro I genuinely was frightened I would binge.
I don't know what it was...probably the fact it's been half term and the kids have been AWFUL all week. It's been really stressful and today I was honestly just on my last legs emotionally. Stressed. Sad. Feeling like a crap parent. And I really just wanted to break into the kids mini rolls and eat the entire 20 pack...(and yes, pre mounjaro I'd of polished that lot off no problem, amd washed it down with a large takeaway).
I didn't. I had a spontaneous cheese string and a 61 calorie serving of popcorn....you know those individual bags. But it was soooo close. I really had to talk myself down.
Ok im aware this isn't the end of the world whatsoever but it's not about what I ate it's about the feeling of lack of control. I'm scared it came back. I am very concerned thay 9 weeks in o am still capable of mindless eating, still capable of grabbing food out the fridge mindlessly and putting it in my mouth out of anger or sadness despite not really wanting to.
And yes I was also hungry. But I feel like I can't trust my hunger. When am I really hungry and when am I just being greedy? I don't know.
Anyway I just wanted to share that moments of weakness still happen, 9 weeks in and 39lbs down the demons are still trying to creep back in.... hopefully I keep winning.

Hello Friends,
I consider myself someone who isn’t easily impressed, so when i tell you i split 10 hours between yesterday and today solely dedicated to binge watching HBO’s “Outsiders” it’s kind of a big deal.
I’ve never watched a show that kept me on the tip of my toes for it’s entire run like it did. The acting is marvelous , the storyline, dialogue, graphics are just too damn top notch quality. It makes me mad that shows are allowed to be this good!
IMO, movies and series don’t have to be composed of jump scares and screams to be considered horror. This series was quietly terrifying. The mystery itself is deep and large enough to drive you crazy and the disturbing nature of the storyline leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, in a good way. It’s especially addicting because the characters are truly likeable and witty, something quite rare (for me) in horror. The journey of watching them put things together was my favorite part.
The amount of emotions i felt every episode (disturbed, angry, anxious, disgusted, sad, hopeful) was fast enough to give me whiplash. I was especially surprised by the way it’s gore was executed, how graphic it was make you uncomfortable but not in a cartoonish way. I guess what i’m trying to say is, if you’re a fan of crime/mystery, give it a go!
REQUEST
*Please please please recommend dark mystery, horror, or crime series just like it- perhaps better (i do doubt that’s possible). Only modern series please! (Post 2015).

新台灣謀殺案

Murder in New-Taiwan

*Story by JM, Imagery by DS*
Mason pulled up his collar against the light rain, the neon signs flickering overhead casting a surreal glow on the wet streets. He trudged down the alley, each step sending a small splash of water up his already soaked pants. The Evo-Knine murder had been gnawing at him for weeks, and tonight, he hoped it would end at the Quantum Hookah bar.
The streets were alive, but not in a way most would find comforting. Robots, each with their own human-like quirks, filled the sidewalk. A couple of industrial units, one on crutches, the other with a patched-up torso, huddled under a makeshift shelter. Nearby, a pleasure model and a manufacturing cyborg, who appeared to be a couple, walked their robotic dog, arguing about mortgage rates and taxes.
“I told you we should have fixed the variable interest rate last cycle,” the cyborg husband said, his voice tinged with frustration.
“And I told you, the market was unstable! This is why I am fucking your best friend!” the pleasure model snapped back, her eyes flashing with irritation. She stormed off, leaving him standing there, dejected.
Their robotic dog chose that moment to take a dump on the sidewalk. The husband sighed, pulling out a bag to pick up the robo poo. Mason noticed a tear running down his glossy face screen as he tossed it into a nearby trash can, shaking his head.
A young robot on a skateboard came zipping down the alley. Even in the rain, Mason could hear the distinct sound of a rock getting stuck under the wheel. The robot swerved, lost control, and smashed into a banister with a sickening crunch. The sound of metal on metal was brutal. The robot cried out in agony, lifting his obviously broken leg, snapped in two. Blood-like fluid dripped from his mouth, his face screen cracked, teeth shattered. Mason winced, briefly recalling a similar spill he took as a kid, the memory as sharp as the pain had been.
He continued down the alley, the hum of neon signs and the distant sound of sirens creating a strange symphony around him. The Quantum Hookah bar loomed ahead, its entrance a dimly lit portal to a world of digital debauchery. All signs were in Mandarin, a testament to TSMC's dominance.
Just before he reached the entrance, Mason saw a shadowy figure step out from behind a pile of crates. A sleek, dark cyborg lunged at a smaller, older model, plunging a knife deep into the victim’s abdomen. The older cyborg's eyes flickered in shock, human blood spurting out in rhythmic pulses. The attacker twisted the blade, eliciting a gory spray of blood and circuitry fragments. The victim's smartphone clattered to the ground, the screen lighting up to reveal the contact name "Wifey" and a picture of him and his wife on holiday.
With a swift motion, the assailant ripped out the victim’s wallet, yanked off his shoes, and tore a chain from around his neck, leaving the dying cyborg to crumple to the ground. Mason didn’t even flinch. In New-Taiwan, this was just another Tuesday. The city was a cesspool of violence and depravity, and such occurrences had long since ceased to faze him. The higher-ups were breathing down his neck to solve the Evo-Knine case, a political assassination that had sent shockwaves through their ranks.
With a deep breath, Mason reached the door of the Quantum Hookah bar. He lifted his boot and kicked it open, the door exploding inward like a bad metaphor. His revolver was at the ready as rain lashed through the opening, as if Mother Nature herself was royally pissed. He stepped inside, his trench coat dripping onto the grimy floor. The scent of cheap oil and despair hit him like a punch.
In the corner, the main attraction hung from the low ceiling – a grotesque, fleshy mass of pulsating organic tissue interwoven with blinking quantum computer components. It looked like someone decided to play God after binging too many B-movies. The "Quantum Hookah" functioned as a depraved cyber-brothel, allowing robots to chase their sickest data-overload kicks by plugging in directly.
Over a dozen robots were clustered around the hanging bio-cyber orchid – battered industrial units, pleasure models, and manufacturing cyborgs – shuddering and convulsing, cables pumping vivid turquoise data between them and the quivering Hookah. They looked like humans on a bad trip, desperate for one more hit of that sweet, sweet data.
One well-worn feminine pleasure drone arched her back, slurring "He...llo...de...tec...tive..." in ecstatic gasps. This was Mason's last lead on the Evo-Knine case, the only witness to the grisly massacre that had left a trail of dismembered robot parts across the city.
Mason grimaced beneath his hat, leveling his trusty .38 at the pulsating bio-orchid. A steel talon swiped at his head from behind – the damned machines were on to him. He fired instinctively, the thunderous bang echoing through the den like a gunshot in a cathedral.
His shot ricocheted off a conduit, sparking against the Hookah's support and sending it crashing down in a tangle of severed cables and tubing. The fleshy central mass hit a cluster of razor-sharp tubing with a gut-churning crunch, spilling intestines and vital fluids across the floor in a grotesque display of cyber-gore.
"Aaaah!!! My insides!!!" the Hookah shrieked, cables whipping around frantically as it tried stuffing its slimy guts back inside its pulsating rupture. Terror flickered across its face, like a malfunctioning hologram.
"You fucking asshole! You massacred my son!" The colossal excavator unit next to Mason bellowed. Its voice dripped with rage as hydraulics whined in outrage. The jagged cleaver-arm sliced through the cheap concrete with earth-shaking force, sending debris flying.
The robotic addicts jolted from their stupors, ripping cables free with bone-chilling groans and gurgles of dismay. Metallic turquoise data shot out of the severed tubes, spraying across the room like a twisted cyber-fountain. More robots were rising now, surrounding Mason with whirring blades and extended arc-welders. He thumbed back the hammer, bracing himself as the dying Hookah sobbed and thrashed, wailing "Mama!!!"
Ichor sprayed across Mason's face as he put two slugs in the Hookah's mangled skull. Its head split open, and its brains splattered across the room in a gruesome display of cyber-carnage. Its cries cut out, the flickering LEDs going dark as it dumped into forced shutdown mode.
The other robots shuddered violently, gouged data-ports sparking as the Hookah's kill-command rippled through their systems. Within seconds they'd all gone inert, chromium bodies clattering to the floor. Mason lit a cigarette in the eerie silence, smoke filling his lungs. The smell of burning tobacco mixed with the stench of robot viscera surrounding his shoes. The smoke curled around his nose, a brief moment of calm in the chaos. Destroying the Hookah bypassed a slaved off-switch deep in the robots' proprietary kernels. He had a few minutes before they could reboot.
Some nights in New-Taiwan's cyberpunk depths were a stroll through hell. But at least now he had Evo-Knine's killer within arm's reach.

新台灣謀殺案

Murder in New-Taiwan

Story by JM, Imagery by DS

Mason pulled up his collar against the light rain, the neon signs flickering overhead casting a surreal glow on the wet streets. He trudged down the alley, each step sending a small splash of water up his already soaked pants. The Evo-Knine murder had been gnawing at him for weeks, and tonight, he hoped it would end at the Quantum Hookah bar.
The streets were alive, but not in a way most would find comforting. Robots, each with their own human-like quirks, filled the sidewalk. A couple of industrial units, one on crutches, the other with a patched-up torso, huddled under a makeshift shelter. Nearby, a pleasure model and a manufacturing cyborg, who appeared to be a couple, walked their robotic dog, arguing about mortgage rates and taxes.
“I told you we should have fixed the variable interest rate last cycle,” the cyborg husband said, his voice tinged with frustration.
“And I told you, the market was unstable! This is why I am fucking your best friend!” the pleasure model snapped back, her eyes flashing with irritation. She stormed off, leaving him standing there, dejected.
Their robotic dog chose that moment to take a dump on the sidewalk. The husband sighed, pulling out a bag to pick up the robo poo. Mason noticed a tear running down his glossy face screen as he tossed it into a nearby trash can, shaking his head.
A young robot on a skateboard came zipping down the alley. Even in the rain, Mason could hear the distinct sound of a rock getting stuck under the wheel. The robot swerved, lost control, and smashed into a banister with a sickening crunch. The sound of metal on metal was brutal. The robot cried out in agony, lifting his obviously broken leg, snapped in two. Blood-like fluid dripped from his mouth, his face screen cracked, teeth shattered. Mason winced, briefly recalling a similar spill he took as a kid, the memory as sharp as the pain had been.
He continued down the alley, the hum of neon signs and the distant sound of sirens creating a strange symphony around him. The Quantum Hookah bar loomed ahead, its entrance a dimly lit portal to a world of digital debauchery. All signs were in Mandarin, a testament to TSMC's dominance.
Just before he reached the entrance, Mason saw a shadowy figure step out from behind a pile of crates. A sleek, dark cyborg lunged at a smaller, older model, plunging a knife deep into the victim’s abdomen. The older cyborg's eyes flickered in shock, human blood spurting out in rhythmic pulses. The attacker twisted the blade, eliciting a gory spray of blood and circuitry fragments. The victim's smartphone clattered to the ground, the screen lighting up to reveal the contact name "Wifey" and a picture of him and his wife on holiday.
With a swift motion, the assailant ripped out the victim’s wallet, yanked off his shoes, and tore a chain from around his neck, leaving the dying cyborg to crumple to the ground. Mason didn’t even flinch. In New-Taiwan, this was just another Tuesday. The city was a cesspool of violence and depravity, and such occurrences had long since ceased to faze him. The higher-ups were breathing down his neck to solve the Evo-Knine case, a political assassination that had sent shockwaves through their ranks.
With a deep breath, Mason reached the door of the Quantum Hookah bar. He lifted his boot and kicked it open, the door exploding inward like a bad metaphor. His revolver was at the ready as rain lashed through the opening, as if Mother Nature herself was royally pissed. He stepped inside, his trench coat dripping onto the grimy floor. The scent of cheap oil and despair hit him like a punch.
In the corner, the main attraction hung from the low ceiling – a grotesque, fleshy mass of pulsating organic tissue interwoven with blinking quantum computer components. It looked like someone decided to play God after binging too many B-movies. The "Quantum Hookah" functioned as a depraved cyber-brothel, allowing robots to chase their sickest data-overload kicks by plugging in directly.
Over a dozen robots were clustered around the hanging bio-cyber orchid – battered industrial units, pleasure models, and manufacturing cyborgs – shuddering and convulsing, cables pumping vivid turquoise data between them and the quivering Hookah. They looked like humans on a bad trip, desperate for one more hit of that sweet, sweet data.
One well-worn feminine pleasure drone arched her back, slurring "He...llo...de...tec...tive..." in ecstatic gasps. This was Mason's last lead on the Evo-Knine case, the only witness to the grisly massacre that had left a trail of dismembered robot parts across the city.
Mason grimaced beneath his hat, leveling his trusty .38 at the pulsating bio-orchid. A steel talon swiped at his head from behind – the damned machines were on to him. He fired instinctively, the thunderous bang echoing through the den like a gunshot in a cathedral.
His shot ricocheted off a conduit, sparking against the Hookah's support and sending it crashing down in a tangle of severed cables and tubing. The fleshy central mass hit a cluster of razor-sharp tubing with a gut-churning crunch, spilling intestines and vital fluids across the floor in a grotesque display of cyber-gore.
"Aaaah!!! My insides!!!" the Hookah shrieked, cables whipping around frantically as it tried stuffing its slimy guts back inside its pulsating rupture. Terror flickered across its face, like a malfunctioning hologram.
"You fucking asshole! You massacred my son!" The colossal excavator unit next to Mason bellowed. Its voice dripped with rage as hydraulics whined in outrage. The jagged cleaver-arm sliced through the cheap concrete with earth-shaking force, sending debris flying.
The robotic addicts jolted from their stupors, ripping cables free with bone-chilling groans and gurgles of dismay. Metallic turquoise data shot out of the severed tubes, spraying across the room like a twisted cyber-fountain. More robots were rising now, surrounding Mason with whirring blades and extended arc-welders. He thumbed back the hammer, bracing himself as the dying Hookah sobbed and thrashed, wailing "Mama!!!"
Ichor sprayed across Mason's face as he put two slugs in the Hookah's mangled skull. Its head split open, and its brains splattered across the room in a gruesome display of cyber-carnage. Its cries cut out, the flickering LEDs going dark as it dumped into forced shutdown mode.
The other robots shuddered violently, gouged data-ports sparking as the Hookah's kill-command rippled through their systems. Within seconds they'd all gone inert, chromium bodies clattering to the floor. Mason lit a cigarette in the eerie silence, smoke filling his lungs. The smell of burning tobacco mixed with the stench of robot viscera surrounding his shoes. The smoke curled around his nose, a brief moment of calm in the chaos. Destroying the Hookah bypassed a slaved off-switch deep in the robots' proprietary kernels. He had a few minutes before they could reboot.
Some nights in New-Taiwan's cyberpunk depths were a stroll through hell. But at least now he had Evo-Knine's killer within arm's reach.

The Kingdom of Camelot, Arthur's Castle
Footsteps and whistling echoed throughout the hallway as Lancelot made his way through the castle's corridors , the young man , now a honored Knight of the Round Table and one of Arthur's closest friend and advisor was dressed in his silver and white armor , his long blonde hair tousled and untidy yet he still was able to look as handsome as ever .
Reaching the double doors of the throne room, Lancelot gave a few casual raps on the wooden material before proceeding to let himself in.
" Your most magnanimous majesty ! " He called out in a casual and humorous tone , " To what urgent matter do you need my humble assistance for ? "
However, the humor in his tone was soon lost , as Lancelot realized something amiss in the throne room , that being the lack of other human beings inside the room .
On days where he was holding court for visiting nobles or subjects , Arthur's throne room would be a vibrant place , filled with lights and laughter as they all shared tales and drinks with one another . Meanwhile two row guards would be standing vigilantly by either side of the room , trying their utmost best to remain professional despite their own king's lax attitude towards the standard procedures .
In stark contrast , the throne room now was barren of any life save for Lancelot at the back , and Arthur at the pedestal where his throne was located . The king stood with his back turned towards Lancelot , shrouded mostly in darkness save for the dim light cast by a few candles that were already halfway melted . The sudden change in ambience caused a slight shiver to go up Lancelot's spine , but nevertheless he took a step forward and addressed his king again .
" Y-your majesty , is everything alright ? " The knight asked tentatively as he made his way over to the throne .
" Do you know why I called you here Lancelot ? "
Lancelot froze , never before had he heard his best friend's voice so cold and spiteful , something definitely was wrong , could it be ? No , there was no way he could have found out , they had ensured only to meet in secret whilst no one else watched !
" N-no , I do not , " He answered shakily , a trickle of sweat running down his forehead .
It was only then did Arthur turn , an unreadable expression upon his bearded face , with a dark shadow cast over his eyes . The king's hand rested heavily on Excalibur's pommel as his eyes seemed to stare daggers into Lancelot's soul , something was definitely wrong here , Lancelot had never seen the usually jolly and care-free Arthur ever look so mad and spiteful.
" Indeed ? " Arthur replied , walking slowly to the other side as he inspected his gloved hand , a dangerous aura seemed to follow him which made Lancelot even more nervous , " And you are certain you don't have anything of great importance or secrecy to tell me ? After all we have been friends since childhood , I would think that I could handle even your darkest secret . "
" M-my King ? " Lancelot stuttered , any confidence of charm he previously had now completely gone , " I'm not sure I follow ? "
Suddenly Arthur seemingly flew into a rage , as he grabbed a candle stand with his hand and flung it to the floor , the ornament smashing into pieces with a loud , " CRASH ! " Causing Lancelot to flinch at his friend's outburst.
" Still you lie ? " Arthur snarled , " To think I once trusted you with all my heart and soul Lancelot ! Perhaps I need to spell it out for you to help jog your memory ? If so , I have only ONE thing to say to you ! G-U-I-N-E-V-E-R-E ! "
Lancelot's face was now so pale it matched the color of his armor , Guinevere was the Queen of England and wife of Arthur, her beauty unmatched in all the land. And it was because of that beauty , did she and Lancelot begin a passionate love affair behind Arthur's back .
It was just small flirtatious remarks and secretive winks at first , but Lancelot and Guinevere's relationship very soon evolved into something much more than that , with both of them meeting privately under the cover of darkness where they got much more intimate than they let on to be in public .
Although he felt awful for betraying his king by doing something like this behind Arthur's back , Lancelot's lust and Guinevere's charm led him to continue keeping this dark secret from his best friend , foolishly hoping that the king would never find out about it .
" A-arthur … I … I "
" It's funny isn't it ? " Arthur interrupted spitefully , " To think that my own wife and the person who claimed to have my back from the very start , would sneak around behind my back , doing … THIS ! What's the saying Lancelot ? The worst thing about betrayal is that it doesn't come from the ENEMY ! "
With that, Arthur screamed a battlecry as he held Excalibur aloft , charging towards Lancelot with murderous intent . The latter's eyes widened as he just barely managed to draw his own sword to parry the blow , and with that , the two former friends engaged in a savage battle .
" All those years whilst you were courting my wife behind my back , did you ever feel any sort of regret or shame ? " Arthur roared as he swung a heavy blow , sending Lancelot flying backwards from the sheer strength of his swing .
" I … " Lancelot started , but he was immediately interrupted by another brutal attack from Arthur , who in his rage-filled frenzy , had abandoned all sense of calm and order . The King of Camelot's attacks had no technique , just pure barbaric rage as he charged forth with his blade swinging wildly .
Lancelot barely had time to duck and roll to the side before Excalibur's blade came crashing down at the spot where his head was a moment before , in all his years of serving under Arthur , he had never seen his friend fight with such viciousness and savagery .
" Arthur , PLEASE ! Just stop and let's talk like reasonable people ! " He desperately pleaded as the King of Camelot advanced upon him .
" Talk ? What is there to talk about ? " Arthur replied , " I thought you were my FRIEND ! And then you go and pull this sort of STUNT behind my back ? You two-faced BASTARD ! I so desperately hoped that Mordred was lying to spread discord when he told me about your affair , but now I see that even HIS words hold more truth than yours ! "
" M-mordred ? "
Mordred was another one of Arthur's Knights of the Round table , but unlike his fellow knights , who earned their spot at the table through honorable and heroic deeds . He had earned his through his vast amounts of strength and power alone . As such , he was known as the most cunning and ruthless member of the round table , with many other knights disliking him greatly or just tolerating him at best .
" Mordred indeed ! He came to me reporting your betrayal and my wife's infidelity ! And to think that it was he of all people to do so ! Goes to show just how much I've misjudged the both of you ! "
" W-wait Arthur ! " Lancelot tried reasoning with the king once again , " I know what I did was wrong ! And yes I admit to my wrongdoings ! But you can't trust Mordred ! His every move always has some sort of ulterior motive behind it ! "
" Oh isn't THAT rich ! Especially since it's coming from the likes of YOU ! " Arthur roared as he suddenly charged with Excalibur raised above his head .
" Arthur NO ! " Lancelot cried as he instinctively swung his own sword upwards to parry the king's strike . However , due to his current rageful state and poor form , Arthur's guard was non-existent , and as Lancelot's blade flew upwards , a gush of blood spilled from across Arthur's face , as the cold hard steel grazed his flesh .
" ARGH ! GOD DAMN IT ! " Arthur howled as he stumbled backwards , holding his hands over his face and dying his gloves crimson with blood .
" Arthur ! Oh god ! Are you alright ? " Lancelot cried out as he rushed to help the king .
" STAY BACK ! " Arthur snarled , causing Lancelot to back away , the King of Camelot removed his hands from his face . Revealing the bloody scar that now ran from his right cheek to his forehead , the gruesome wound that he had inflicted upon his own friend caused Lancelot to retch , disgusted not only by the scar , but by his own actions as well .
" You bloody BASTARD ! " Arthur growled as he picked Excalibur up from the ground next to him , " I'll KILL YOU ! "
But before Arthur could charge at the stunned Lancelot , a beam of blue light pulsed throughout the room , causing them to momentarily shield their eyes . And the next thing either of them knew , Merlin had appeared in front of Arthur , his hands outstretched , preventing Arthur from moving any further towards Lancelot .
" ARTHUR ! Seize this rage-filled foolishness ! " The wizard commanded loudly , hearing his mentor's words seem to calm Arthur down enough to stop and listen , " I know your anger is justified , but we have MUCH more pressing issues at the moment ! "
" What ? " Arthur barely had enough time to say anything , before the throne room's double doors burst open , and an armored guard came rushing in , huffing and puffing loudly .
" Your majesty ! I bring terrible news ! Sir Mordred has amassed an army of his own with the help of your step-sister Morgan Le Fay ! And the two of them are leading an attack on Camelot right now in an attempt to take your throne ! We need you on the front lines IMMEDIATELY to lead the troops !
Arthur's eyes widened in a mixture of anger , fear and disbelief , " Bollocks … Mordred that treacherous LEECH ! He used Lancelot and Gunievere's love affair as a distraction ! Fuck … Tell the men to hold the fort as long as they can ! I shall be there to assist them as fast as I can ! "
" Understood ! " The guard replied , before turning and exiting the room .
" Goddammit … " Arthur cursed as he rubbed the temples of his forehead in frustration with his eyes closed .
" W-what should I do ? "
Arthur's eyes snapped open as he and Merlin turned to glare at Lancelot who had just spoken .
" Do ? Whatever do you mean by that Lancelot ? " Merlin said spitefully with a look filled with disappointment and disdain , " You've betrayed the trust of your own king by sharing his queen's bed , and by extension betrayed the very kingdom you swore to serve . I think you've done more than enough damage , no ? "
Lancelot felt like he was melting under the steely gaze of his former friend and mentor , his mouth opened and closed immediately afterwards, as he tried and failed to come up with a proper response .
" I-I'm sorry … I'm … So … So sorry . " Was all the disgraced knight could manage as he hung his head in shame .
" You're sorry ? " Arthur suddenly spoke up , " A bit too late for that now don't you think , Lancelot ? But since you're SO sorry for what you've done , here's one thing you can do to even BEGIN, trying to make amends . "
Lancelot looked up hopefully , but felt his soul plunge into his stomach once more as Arthur's bloodied and spite filled face leaned towards him and spoke the following words with resentment and hatred ,
" Leave , flee , run away , and take that filthy harlot along with you too . I NEVER want to see either of your miserable faces near my very presence EVER again . "
Lancelot's face paled once again , the knight stood still for a moment or two before he finally regained control of his senses .
" A-as you wish , my king … "
With that , Lancelot turned and ran , as fast as his legs could carry him . Out of the throne room , out of the castle and out of Camelot . Away from his former life , and away from his former friend who now hated him with every fiber of his being .
Once Lancelot had left , Merlin turned to Arthur , expecting his protege to let his emotions go now that they were alone . Instead , Arthur was beginning to fasten his armor and was in the process of wiping the blood off his face , as he prepared for his battle against Mordred and Morgan Le Fay .
" A-arthur ? Are you alright my boy ? " The wizard asked gently , hoping to provide some level of comfort to the king .
However , Arthur did not return his mentor's concerned gaze , all he did in response was simply pick up Excalibur and testing it's tip to ensure it was still sharp , before beginning to walk towards the doors which Lancelot had just left through .
" I'm fine Merlin , " He replied in a monotone voice , " Now if you excuse me , I have a war to win . "
Merlin pursed his lips tightly , before sighing and giving Arthur a slight bow , " As you wish , my king . "
As Arthur prepared to exit the room , he suddenly felt that something was amiss about his current attire , yet he just could not put his finger on it . So the King of Camelot began to pat the sides of his pants , before finally realizing what was missing .
" Merlin … " He said with a slightly frantic tone , as he turned back towards his mentor in a panic , " Have you seen Excalibur's sheath ? "
Merlin now felt his own face pale , as a trickle of sweat dropped from his forehead , " I-I thought you had it with you ? I did tell you to keep it by your side at all times ! "
Arthur grimaced as he realized the horrible predicament that he was now in . His troops were currently struggling to fend off invaders without his leadership , he had just chased his strongest knight out of the kingdom for their betrayal , and he currently did not have the magical healing powers of Excalibur's sheath by his side … There was only one word that Arthur could use to sum up all his feelings right now .
" Bollocks … "
( Present Day )
" Wait , wait , lemme guess . Because you didn't have Excalibur's sheath with you at the time , You were gravely injured during your fight with Mordred , and died from your wounds afterwards . Am I correct ? " Nezha finished .
" That is the gist of it, yes . " Arthur replied with a simple shrug .
" Damn , my condolences , anyway lemme make a wild guess again . Once you entered Valhalla you sought out Lancelot , had a little heart to heart , and somehow managed to get over your animosity towards each other and became the best of friends once more. Did I get THAT part correct as well ? "
Arthur chuckled softly as he shook his head , " Nope , you didn't … Far from it actually … Like you , I still held on to my hatred and resentment for Lancelot back then , so the moment I entered Valhalla , the only thing I could think about whilst I was first there was finding him and making him pay . "
" W-what ? " Nezha gaped , that was an answer he definitely did not expect to hear come out from Arthur's mouth .
" Indeed , for so many centuries , I sought Lancelot out , challenging him to duel after duel , each more vicious and deadly than the last . Sometimes I still can hear the deafening sounds of our fights if I close my eyes and listen carefully , but despite our countless battles , neither of us were able to strike that killing blow .
" S-so what happened next ? " Nezha asked now very much enthralled in Arthur's tale ,
" Well one fateful day , I finally got the upper hand , I managed to disarm Lancelot and finally had my sword pointed at his throat . At that moment , I could have finally gotten my revenge , I could finally make him properly pay for the great betrayal he had committed against me … "
Nezha leaned forward , completely enthralled in Arthur's tale and anxious to hear what was next .
" But I didn't … "
Somewhere in Valhalla , a century or so prior
" GAH ! " Lancelot cried as his sword was sent spiraling out of his palm , the knight barely had time to hold his injured arm before he was roughly knocked down to the ground by Arthur with a blow to the chest . Leaving the knight gasping for breath as he lay on the floor .
He quickly caught his breath however, when the tip of Excalibur loomed in front of his chest , causing him to hold his breath . Looking up he saw Arthur , multiple cuts adorned his chainmail armor as blood stained his vest , the King of Camelot was also struggling to catch his breath , but his eyes were filled with determination and anger as he moved his sword tip closer to Lancelot's flesh .
" Well ? " Lancelot said as he coughed up blood whilst tilting his head to look upwards at the sky , his armor badly dented and his face bruised and battered , " Looks like you finally got me in the end , eh Arthur ? Guess even after all these years , I just could never grasp Merlin's advice on seizing the offensive . Ah … You know , I'm actually alright with going out like this … "
Arthur did not respond , but his eyes narrowed in confusion as Lancelot continued to speak .
" These fights have been going on for what ? a few centuries or so ? Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if it had already been a millennia since we first started this . " Lancelot momentarily paused to cough , causing drops of blood to speckle the front of his armor .
" At first , I absolutely dreaded these fights , having to face you countless times in battle after all I've done to you ? Fighting desperately to keep my place in the afterlife ? Even though we're in heaven , it felt like fate was punishing me with my own personal hell … But to be honest … "
Arthur tensed as Lancelot shifted till he was resting on his elbows , but still the King of Camelot did not yet strike the killing blow .
" After the thousandth battle , when the intensity and bloodlust of our fights died down , I honestly started looking forward to them … After all , eternity in Heaven gets boring if there's no one to talk to , and these clashes we've been having for the past hundreds of years … Well it's just … Reminded me of the good old days when we were young and carefree … Everything we used to have before I ruined it all with my stupidity …"
Silent tears began flowing down Lancelot's eyes as he finally looked up at his former friend , " So if this is how my story must end , then I cannot ask for a more fitting way to atone for my sins , to die by your hands after all the wrongs I have committed against you … I only hope that my death can quell the fire in your heart , but know this Arthur … "
Lancelot wiped the tears from his eyes , before calmly looking up at his former friend with a look of sincerity ,
" I am … Truly sorry … For all that I have done to you . "
With that , Lancelot closed his eyes , awaiting for Arthur to deliver the blow that would erase him from this plain of existence . Yet … As he lay there on the hard ground , waiting and waiting , the blow never came …
Lancelot opened his eyes confused , above him stood Arthur , his face was cold and expressionless . Yet the hand which held Excalibur above his former friend's throat shook slightly , as the King of Camelot seemed to struggle to deliver that final strike .
" What are you waiting for ? " Lancelot asked incredulously , " Isn't this what you've always wanted ? "
Then to Lancelot's further surprise , Arthur slowly backed away from him , taking Excalibur's point off the knight's neck and gazing at his own reflection on the flat of the sword's blade , contemplating what he had nearly done .
Slowly shaking his head , Arthur turned back at his former friend , the fires of hate and righteous fury that once burnt bright inside now gone , replaced by a small hint of melancholy as he spoke softly ,
" No … It's not … At least not anymore … Killing you … It won't change anything … "
After saying this , Arthur shakily sheathed Excalibur , before turning and walking away , leaving Lancelot incredibly confused . But just before he disappeared from sight , Arthur paused , he and Lancelot completely still for a moment before the King spoke his final words .
" Though I choose to spare you today … That does not mean I've forgiven you for your sins Lancelot … But perhaps one day … I hope … That I can … "
With that , Arthur left the battlefield , leaving Lancelot lying on the ground alone and confused for a long while even though his opponent was already gone .
( Present Day )
" I-I don't get it ! " Nezha spluttered , " You had him at your mercy ! You could have ended it right there and then and made him pay ! S-so … Why did you spare him ? "
" Even after my story you still do not understand , Third Lotus Prince ? " Arthur replied in a disappointed tone , " I forgave Lancelot for a simple reason , that reason being that I no longer wished to plague myself with such pointless negativity . I have resided here in Heaven for so many years , yet I chose to waste the first few centuries I had living in paradise , engaging in pointless violence over a matter that could not be changed no matter how much blood was spilled . Was that what I truly wanted ? "
" I too understand how hard it is to find it in yourself to forgive , and that the journey to do so can be long and uncertain . I mean it took centuries just for me to do that myself ! But if I had continued to curse Lancelot's memory as you did Ao Bing for so long , what good would it do ? I do not deny , to feel anger after what has happened to you , it is natural , good even ! But it too is never a good idea to suppress that anger and keep it bottled up , for if you do not let that rage out to subside , if you choose to let the flames continue to fester and burn , the only person who will suffer in the end is yourself . So tell me Third Lotus Prince … "
Arthur swung Excalibur around and held his arm straight , pointing the sword point towards a stunned Nezha . A blue aura seemed to shine around the King of Camelot as his face brimmed with determination and resolve ,
" In a battle where a god like yourself can die , if this truly be the battle where you might lose your life. Are mistrust and resentment really the emotions you wish to burn out on ? Is surrounding yourself with shallow meaningless relationships truly the key to ending your torment ? Or do you wish for something better ? That is my final say to you , Nezha , and I truly hope you can reach the answer that will satisfy you once and for all , before it is far too late . "
Well this took way longer than it should have...

~~~~~~~
Hello! This is my Ficnapping of Curing Malpractice by u/Cummy_wummys, which can be found Here!
Writing my own take on their novel about Novel was quite the novel experience. Hope you enjoy!
Also I'm going to collapse into bed the second I upload this, so apologies if I don't respond to any comments for several hours.
~~~~~~~
Memory Transcription Subject: Novel, Eager Kolshian Scientist
Date {standardized human time}: October 20th, 2136

Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed up that late into my rest claw. Sometimes I just can’t help it, I get so absorbed in one little avenue of research that the claw begins to slip past. I check the time a while later and, what do you know, the heat death of the universe is drawing just that little bit closer. Was it a bad idea to waste so much time learning about the history of Human clothing? Probably. Was it ever so slightly traumatizing, especially the earlier history? You bet it was. Will I probably do something similar in the near future? Absolutely.
I won’t let my moderately sleep-deprived state stand in the way though, for I have been invited to partake in a Human tradition this paw. It is an honour, one that I must take seriously, and approach with reverence. It is a sign that the Humans have come to trust me, welcoming me into their herd. Of course, I already had my own herd with Ada, Sindre and Hailey, and I’d had pleasant interactions with others such as Bella and Max, but I mean the Humans as a whole! To be fair, it’s probably been apparent that the Humans have been warming up to me for some time… if their insistence of suffocating me with photos of their children was anything to go by.
I shiver at the thought. Never again.
I push that train of thought aside as I approach the security checkpoint to the refugee centre, finding Ledo in his usual place. The Jaur security guard is half slumped over in his chair, absentmindedly scrolling through something on his holopad. I give him a friendly sway of my tail as I approach the checkpoint, and he barely seems to muster up the energy to turn an ear my way.
“Good paw, Ledo. Are you alright?”
He places his holopad down and rubs one of his eyes with a paw.
“Just running on empty over here. My break paws can’t come fast enough.”
I sign my sympathy as I grab my visitor’s badge.
“You’re doing a great job, top notch security officer, really. You’ve earned your rest, and then some.”
He covers his mouth with a paw as he yawns.
“Thanks… enjoy the whole predator watching thing, or whatever it is you do in that place.”
“Thank you! Enjoy your shift… as much as you can.”
With a slightly awkward chuckle, I waste no time in heading into the refugee centre. Just to be safe though… I push open the doors and quickly dash to the side, expecting something to come flying at me like what usually happens. This time though, my precautions seem unnecessary. The lobby is empty, devoid of the children and adults that typically mingle around in it at this time. As I take a few tentative, confused steps inside as the doors close behind me, I realize the reason why. Ada said that the activity I’d been invited to partake in took place outside, in the small courtyard I’d heard mentioned here and there around the centre. Everyone must simply already be outside. Following that notion, I pick up my pace as I walk through the hallways, finding the back door that leads to the courtyard soon enough.
My presumption had been right, as when I go outside I’m greeted with the sound of Human laughter, specifically the moderately pitched squeals and giggles of Human children. The courtyard wasn’t all that large, but by no means cramped, with many children and adult Humans alike enjoying the fresh Venlilian air. Scanning the area, I quickly locate Ada, who is currently engaged in quite an odd-looking activity with Sindre. They are standing on opposite sides of what appears to be a bedsheet suspended between two poles, ties at its four corners so that it's stretched almost flat. They are both holding objects that seem vaguely familiar to me, and which I soon recognize as ‘rackets’, which I’d come across before when researching Human activities on the internet.
“Sindre! Ada!”
They turn to look at me as I rush over to them, faces soon breaking out into wide smiles. Sindre walks towards the bed sheet, bending over to pick up a small yellow ball laying in the grass, while Ada walks over to meet me.
“Heya Nov’, glad you decided to join us today.”
“Well, I couldn’t deny an invitation to be involved in a Human tradition!”
She smirks at my response.
“Tradition? Yeah sure, guess tennis counts as one.”
Information acquired: A name for this event.
“Tennis… It sounds fascinating!”
By now, Sindre has walked over to join us. He lightly taps the racket and yellow ball together, which upon closer inspection seems to be strangely fuzz, with a white line running around it in a wavy pattern.
“You made it just as we were about to start another rally. I’m not the best at tennis, so it’d probably be best for Ada to show you the ropes.”
As he says this, Sindre offers the racket out to me. My eyes go wide and my tail flicks with excitement at the gesture, and I securely wrap two of my tentacles around the handle, making sure that it won’t slip from my grip.
“Ooooo! What do I do with this?”
Ada steps away, back towards the suspended bed sheet.
“You go stand where Sindre just was, I’ll walk you through it. Oh, and don’t mind the bed sheet. We don’t exactly have a proper net.”
I rush over to stand in the spot assigned to me, while Ada mirrors my position on her side of the bed sheet. Sindre tosses the yellow ball her way, and to my surprise she easily catches it with one hand. Well, that was certainly a lucky catch, and an accurate throw from Sindre. Before I can dwell on it though, Ada calls out again.
“Lets just start with the basics. In tennis, you use the rackets to hit the ball when it comes to your side of the court, er- bed sheet. You want to hit it so that it flies over the net and lands on my side, where I’ll try and hit it back to you, repeating until one of us either misses the ball or hits it into the net. If that happens, your opponent gets a point.”
I try and emulate the Human ‘nodding’ expression while listening to Ada. That sounds like an interesting activity… there is just one problem.
“Um, alright. How exactly are we supposed to hit the ball?”
“Just make sure to angle the racket so that the ball shoots back to my side, alright? Since you’re new to this, I’ll go easy on you and just start simple.”
That… didn’t really answer my question. I’m unsure how I’m expected to reliably position my racket to make contact with the yellow ball. Even so, I won’t question the Human. I’ve been invited to partake in this ‘tennis’, so I will accept the opportunity with gusto. Ada shifts her stance slightly, before lightly tossing the ball into the air. As it comes back down, she lifts the racket to meet it, and the ball is sent up and forwards. Alright, here goes nothing.
I lift the racket up into the air and rush towards the bed sheet. As the ball sails over the makeshift barrier, it hits the plastic edge of my racket and falls back down onto Ada’s side. I hear a snicker coming from Sindre, and I lower the racket again as Ada retrieves the ball, my tail wagging.
“Did I do that right?”
Before Ada can respond, Sindre buts in.
“If it worked against Ada, it must be a viable strategy.”
The German briefly glared at him before clearing her throat.
“Well Nov’, running at the net with your racket above your head isn’t going to work in a proper game. You need to figure out where the ball is heading, move there, and then hit it with the racket with the right amount power at the right angle to send it back.”
Oh, sure, might I extinguish the sun while I’m at it? Cure every disease along the way? Of course, I don’t voice these thoughts out loud. Instead, I simply give Ada another nod. She repeats her previous ritual of tossing the ball up into the air before bringing the racket up to meet it. This time, the ball doesn’t come straight on, but veers off to the right. I take a couple hurried steps that way and hold out the racket in the hopes that I judged the ball’s movement correctly. To no one’s surprise, I did not, and the ball thuds into the grass.
“No worries Nov’, let’s try again.”
After I haphazardly throw the ball back to her (and she effortlessly catches it with one hand), Ada hits the ball my way again. This time, the ball veered slightly to the left. A mirror of what happened last time, the ball misses my racket by a considerable margin. In my periphery, I vaguely register Sindre wearing a face of mild concern, though my focus is too homed in on not letting my frustration show to dwell on it. I’m making a fool of myself in front of the Humans.
“Sorry, I’ll hit it next time.”
The next time comes, and I unfortunately can’t stay true to my word. A similar thing happens again and again. Sometimes I just try to shove the racket below where I think the ball will go, other times I try waving it around madly in the hopes that it’ll make contact. It never does.
“One more time! I swear I’ll get it!”
They invited me to take part in this. The least I can do is not be a complete failure. Ada stops tossing to me, concern etched into her features.
“Are you alright Nov’? We don’t have to do this if you can’t-”
“No no, I can. It’s just- I’m a novice. You can’t expect me to just know how to calculate projectile motion in my head… I just need practice.”
Ada’s face morphs into one of confusion.
“Projectile motion… Novel, it’s not that complicated.”
I gawk at the Human incredulously. Before I can formulate a response though, a sigh coming from my left draws my attention back to Sindre. He’s rubbing his forehead with his hand, and sighs in realization.
“Eye placement. Depth perception.”
Ada’s eyes go wide at that, and a hand comes up to cover her mouth.
“Oh crap… Sorry Nov’, I didn’t really uh- consider that…”
I look back over to her, my brain still trying to piece together what Sindre meant. I recall how easily the Humans tossed and caught the ball with stunning accuracy, and how Ada seemed to be able have complete control over the ball with her racket while I struggled to even make contact…
Depth perception…
That… makes sense.
I can’t help but gurgle a little in laughter. So predatory eyes were useful for things outside of hunting… like tennis! I need to jot that down, and make sure to investigate that a little more later on.
“Hey Novel, you ok there?”
I’m snapped out of my thoughts by Sindre’s voice. I give him a friendly tail wag and walk over to him.
“Of course, I’m fine. I’m sorry that I’m incapable of taking part in this.”
I offer the racket back to him, which he takes with a little hesitation when he sees the mucus covering the handle. Ada walks over to the two of us, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment.
“Sorry for all that Novel, we should’ve chosen something else to show you.”
I quickly turn to her and wave my tentacles in a placating manor.
“No, don’t be sorry! I’m honored that you wished to share the wonders of tennis with me. You two go ahead and enjoy it, I’ll just sit off to the side and make notes on the uses of binocular vision outside of hunting.”
I feel myself deflate slightly. I had been excited to play a part in a Human tradition, but it seems that I just… can’t. Not on my own volition, at least. Perhaps the Humans can sense my disappointment, because Sindre and Ada share a glance before the former speaks up.
“Nov’, you don’t have to-”
I interrupt him by wrapping a tenacle around both their backs and lightly nudging them towards their respective sides of the bed sheet.
“I insist! Don’t worry about me, I’m a graceful loser.”

Memory Transcription Subject: Novel, Sore Loser
Date {standardized human time}: October 21st, 2136

The Venlil I pass on the street are giving me odd looks, all the while I hold my head up high with pride as many of them turn around to do a second take of what I am wheeling behind me. It may be a teensy, tiny bit more complicated than some of the other things I’d previously brought with me to the shelter, but that was only because I had put my tentacles to good use. The splinters I had gotten in the process were testament to that. Should I have focused on getting a little more sleep during my rest claw? Maybe. Is this thing being held together by nothing but hope and super glue? Only the very best. Would the absolute joy that it’ll put on the Humans’ faces be worth it? You bet it will be!
As I wheel my creation past the security checkpoint, I find Ledo staring at his holopad with his head resting on his paws, eyelids drooping. When he spots me approaching, his ears perk up slightly, only for him to raise his head upon seeing my creation. He puts down his holopad and sits up in his chair, trying to get a better view of it.
“Hello Ledo! How are you? Have you gotten some rest?”
For a moment he doesn't respond, only for him to shake his head and rub his eyes.
“Novel, do I even want to know what that thing is?”
“It’s what will allow me to stand on par with the Humans and engage with them on an even playing field. I spent some of my last rest claw building it.”
Ledo looks back over to me.
“And uh, how much is ‘some’, exactly?”
I wave a tentacle dismissively.
“Irrelevant detail. Trust me, it’ll all be worth it. When I leave the shelter later this paw, I’ll tell you all about it.”
Ledo leans back in his chair with a sigh.
“Well, at least it’d be something other than binging movies. You’re a bit of a weirdo, have I told you that yet?”
“Why thank you! Have a nice shift.”
I bid farewell to the Jaur and my final approach to my destiny begins. Victory is so close I can almost taste it.
The lobby is empty again this paw, so I head right on through while towing my creation behind me. I pass a couple Humans along the way, who I give friendly greetings to as they marvel at my ingenious solution to the problem that had plagued me last paw. Since I’ve arrived a little later this paw (courtesy of a productive rest claw), I waste to time in heading directly to the back of the centre and out onto the grassy courtyard that had been the location of last paw’s utter failure. I will not allow that to happen again!
“Ah, welcome to the courtyard Nov-… Uh, what’s that you got behind you?”
Max’s friendly tone gives way to curiosity, and I feel the pride already beginning to swell just a little more. He was just in the middle of a round of the dreaded ‘tennis’ with Ada, who is on the opposite side of the makeshift net, which she leans over once she spots me.
“Novel… why do you have a catapult?”
It seems that my wonderful creation is also garnering interest from many of the children as well, who briefly stop their various running games to watch me. I finish wheeling the mini catapult into place and take out a tennis ball from my bag (turns out I had already purchased one, thanks past me!) while I finally answer Ada.
“So that I may properly partake in your Human traditions, of course! How can I study them if I can’t even participate? This little thing will allow me to successfully serve a ball to you in just a moment, no depth perception required! Watch and see.”
I place the tennis ball into the cup and begin cranking the lever to wind up the device. Max starts looking a little nervous as I do so.
“Um, Nov’? Are you sure that thing is going to work? Is it even safe?”
The homemade gears turn with a slight clacking sound, which tells me that it’s working just as expected… though Max does make me wonder briefly if I should’ve done a test run of this first… oh well, too late for that.
“Don’t worry, I know precisely what I’m do-”
I’m cut off by the rather disconcerting sound of splintering wood. I only have enough time to faintly register that the sound came from my creation, and that said realization is very bad. A resounding SNAP and the disappearance of the tennis ball at approximately Mach 5 tells me that I did not know the tensile strength of Venlilian wood as well as I thought. The rest of the world has gone silent, and I slowly turn my gaze in the direction the ball had preemptively flown, finding Max standing as still as a statue with the tennis ball resting on the ground in front of him. The silence is broken as the Human lets out a whining sound higher pitched than even the smallest of Dossur can produce, before falling to his knees and grasping his groin in obvious agony.
Some of the slightly older kids cringe in sympathy.
Ada tries not to laugh.
Max steadily raises his hand, pointing a shaky digit at me. His voice comes out squeaky, and pained.
“K-kids… avenge me…”
The children’s eyes lock onto me. I learn what true fear feels like.
All at once, the children let out their war cries, and began rushing over to me. I let out a shriek of my own as I turn back towards the refugee centre and start running like my life depends on it because it probably does! I don’t dare look back at the pack of predators pursuing me, I simply run through the back doors of the centre and sprint down the corridor as fast as I physically can. Even so, I know for a fact that it is not fast enough. I’ve studied Humans enough to know that they are built for chasing prey. Right now, that prey is me!
I try to lose the children by utilizing the building’s layout as best I can. I turn past several corners without slowing down, run up the stairs and even hide behind a pot plant at one point, startling an adult Human as I do so, who quickly rushes back inside their room. I make a mental note to apologize to them later, and file it right under ‘RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! GO GO GO!’
I hear it, the sound of light but determined footsteps plonking their way up the stairs. They’ve found me. This pot plant isn’t going to help me at all! I abandon my frankly pathetic hiding spot and dash further down the hallway, determining that my best shot at survival will be to get back to the main lobby and run out through the front do-
A dead end.
No…
Oh no…
The sound of footsteps grows closer. Just a single pair, but that is more than enough to seal my fate. I push myself against the wall, terror coursing through my mind. This was supposed to be a showcase of how much I respected Humans, I didn’t mean to injure one! Is this really it? Is this really how it all ends? Sought out and killed to avenge the fallen? I-I never got to publish my completed study on Human traditions… or binocular vision… or diets or facial express- a whole lot of things actually!
The footsteps pause, and the sound of giggling breaks me out of my mental spiral. There, standing before me, grinning ear to ear, is a familiar Human child.
“Found you!”
“D-David?”
Still grinning, the young boy reaches out a hand towards me. I push myself as far against the wall as I can go.
“W-wait, David! I-I-I thought we got along well! We watched that horrible movie together, remember? We can read that book about cattle again if you want! Or-or anything you want, really! P-please, don’t d-do this!”
I close my eyes tightly, and prepare myself for the end…
…
A hand lightly taps one of my tentacles, then retracts.
“Tag! You’re it.”
I crack open an eye.
“Wh-what?”
David is already running away from me, giggling again. As he reaches the stairs, he calls out as loud as he can, voice carrying further into the refugee centre.
“Guys! I got her! Novel’s it now!”
…
…
What?

Hello everyone,
So I first tried Dexedrine for a couple weeks that a friend gave me since it was taking a long time to get prescribed the medication. This worked well and I had virtually good results other than a dry mouth.
However, my doctor said he wanted to prescribe me vyvanse since it’s longer lasting, but this ended up being a curse because it made it hard to sleep. It also had too intense of crashes.
So, my doctor switched me to adderall xr since it’s closer to Dexedrine. I was a bit frustrated with him because I didn’t want to try another one when I already found Dexedrine to work. He told me the short acting ones can develop addiction and that’s why he wanted to go this route. I recognize this can happen, but short acting didn’t give me insomnia and works better for my life. I did try the XR which was better, but I write this after waiting 17 hours for my body to get tired.
My question is: why is short acting treated as worse when a common symptom for these long lasting ones is insomnia? What are your experiences?
I told him if this didn't work then I wanted to go on Dexedrine, tired of these experiments.

Hi, i’ll start with im 20F.
I got my diagnosis this year, in January. I was prescribed Ritalin, 10mg. I took it everyday for a week, and it gave me horrible anxiety after the medication was starting to clear. I switched to Adderall XR, 10mg and after 2 months the dose is now 20mg. So I have roughly been taking XR 20mg since end of March.
On XR, side effects I noticed was decreased appetite (which caused me to lose some weight, in which I’m slowly gaining back), and extreme dry mouth. Nothing else has came to mind.
About sometime in the middle of April, I began to have abdominal discomofrt. If I could describe it, I would say it feels like something is pushing underneath my ribs. I’d say if I could pinpoint where it is, it’s the left upper quadrant of the abdomen, radiating underneath the top rib. t’s not necessarily that it’s “pain”, but it’s extremely uncomfortable and it’s constant. To the point where I notice it every second of the day. If I sleep in certain positions, I’m not able to sleep and it’s uncomfortable. When I palpate my abdomen it’s slightly rigid. There’s no bulge or anything and my ribs are normal in comparison to the other side. I have had a major decrease in appetite and eating less, but I still try to keep my calorie intake up, and I am still eating meals everyday. My water intake isn’t the greatest but I usually try my best for the daily amount. I don’t have constipation or anything.
Sometimes it comes and goes, it’ll be there for a few days, or better sometimes and worse others. It’ll maybe go away for days or weeks, but then it comes back.
Basically, I’m just wondering if this has happened to anyone on ADHD Meds, but more specifically XR? I’m planning on going to the doctor but just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this because of their meds or whatnot.

Hi all, I'm just looking for some thoughts/opinions on my potential bulimia. I do have an appointment with a specialist, so I'm not just relying on here for information.
Some years ago I was diagnosed with a Hiatus Hernia. I suspect this was due to drinking quite a lot of alcohol when 15+ years old for a few years. The binge drinking also involved some binge eating.
However, the Hiatus Hernia diagnosis coincided with a period of great stress and I think? binge eating. It's difficult to remember, but there had certainly been binge eating in general around those years.
What would happen is that, after consuming a large volume of food, it would feel very easy to let some of it come back out my mouth. It was possible to keep it inside, but given circumstances of stress and anxiety I decided to casually let it out when in the bathroom (toilet or shower.)
Some years on, I now realise that I have a pattern of this happening when I over-eat, especially with foods such ice-cream (which I feel like I can't stop eating when it's in the house) or maybe if I've eaten quite a lot generally. I find that I intentionally let the food regurgitate (without using my hand, just leaning over and using stomach/gullet muscles) to reduce the calories/get the bad food out.
It's only very recently that I've realised that these patterns are more like the behaviours of bulimia, but part of me does also wonder if it's a Hiatus Hernia thing instead, which just makes it easy to do this? I'm curious what your thoughts are.

So I want to clarify that this isn’t intended to be a jab or hate toward Shane and Ryan because I honestly love them and have since highschool and take pride in that. But after a whole month or so since the watcher controversy, I decided that I cannot continue to support them and have unsubscribed which hurts like hell as I’ve been there since day one. I can’t go back to watching like nothing happened and have tried countless times too and even gave the streamer a shot. However the whole situation left a really bad taste in my mouth and ironically made me get a new found appreciation for the original buzzfeed unsolved and I have been binge watching since like it’s 2018 all over again. But with all do respect, I can’t bring myself to support anything they have done, or continue to do moving forward as it still feels like a betrayal and well just wrong. Before you attack me for “hating” do realize I’m a day one fan like many on here that probably feel the same way and are indifferent. And it’s important that everyone realizes that this is FAR from a “normal” situation that we have to just cope with as fans even if the content is still free. This is something that to many fans was a turning point with very good reason and you shouldn’t make them feel bad for feeling that way. I just needed to get this stuff off my chest because I’ve been quietly waiting it out and still feel this giant chip on my shoulder and needed to vent. (All depressing stuff aside, they are and will forever be my goul boys. Love you guys)

I feel like I’ve made a mistake. I had my surgery April 30th and after an initial woosh of weight loss of exactly 27 pounds (which I assume is water weight), I haven’t lost a single ounce. I have firmly stayed at 207 for weeks now. I see everyone talk about how the pounds just fly off them after the surgery, but I’m just not losing weight at all.
I literally eat next to no carbs (20g or less - usually less)
I have one boiled egg for breakfast and coffee with 2 oz heavy cream (yes I know I’m not supposed to drink coffee, but it’s one cup and I literally will not survive life w/o it). I usually either skip lunch or have a protein shake (160 calories and 3 g of carbs). I have 3-5 oz protein and a low carb vegetable for dinner.
I don’t use sauces, drink calories, add in extra fat, or literally anything I can think of that would throw my diet. I don’t snack.
I feel helpless and somewhat desperate.
How could I not be losing weight?? I feel like I’m destined to be fat forever and I am heartbroken.
I feel like I would literally just have to stop eating to lose weight. I don’t understand. I’m literally hungry all the time as is.
I have had a ton of various advice all saying different variations of how I’m not getting one nutrient or another or how I’m not eating the meals properly, but if I try to do anything different I gain weight immediately (for instance, the 5 small protein meals I literally will gain weight. Tried that last week and I went up 2 pounds!)
After 25 years of dieting and a drastic surgical procedure that still isn’t working I have a that devil on my shoulder screaming at me to just give up and just let myself get as fat as my stupid body wants to.
What is the point of starving myself, constantly obsessing over food, and driving myself crazy over what I can and can’t eat if I can’t even lose a single pound even after hacking my body up….
I feel like I’m living in a nightmare where I’m running in place.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel like if I open my mouth to try to verbalize this to my husband I’m going to have an emotional breakdown and not be able to pull it together. As it is just writing this I’m getting teary.
I’m so bone deep tired of this struggle. I don’t know how to dig up the will to keep trying.
I have never had a problem with binge eating, but I feel like this is exactly how you get a problem with binge eating. This hopelessness has to be one of the worst feelings ever.
I’ve traded my stomach for depression.

23yr afab 5'8 160ib Hypermobile eds, raynauds, asthma, impacted teeth, food and general allergies, no known drug allergy Rx: testosterone ethanate, zyrtec, vitamin D, adderall xr, cymbalta, albuterol, flonase
Severe tooth pain. Impacted wisdom tooth creating excessive pressure causing tooth beside it to pop slowly from pressue. All the while the other side towards the back of the mouth was growing into the bone of my mandible itself. Not a fun feeling. I have chronic pain and have been horribly fucked up many times in life. And only take meds if I have to.
I hit a 9/10 on my pain scale. Even after excessive use of meds, oral lidocaine, ice, and antibiotic mouthwash.
In the end I added up what I logged in my medication app to be: -2,400mg of ibuprofen -10,750mg of ibuprofen -3 pepto chews -20mg famotidine -10mg zofran
Mind u i didnt log one or two i think. So this may be a tad higher.
Symptoms that day from this: -stomach pain -severe nausea -vomiting -excessive thirst -shaking -bruising -headache -abdominal pain -acid reflux -throat pain
Next day: -nausea -some stomach pain mildly -acid reflux -aching and stabby pin in gut -mild stomach pain -dizziness
I powered through it after the zofran, a snack and a two hour nap after being awake 27hr straight due to work, pain and taking a flight to see a friend for an emergency. Never got help due to me tryna be there for said friend instead of myself. Now two weeks later I am beginning to wonder if I may have injured my livekidneys at all? It was not done with suicidal intent. I was just being kept up and slowly losin it from pain from last few days like that. No history of drug or alcohol abuse. History of two mild ODs on like 5 regular tylenol and 10 benadryl as a teen. Have had things checked out since for unrelated issues. No signs of damage in scans thankfully from those times.
Since then Ive felt okay. About as terrible as usual but not a big shift there. So I hope I can just ignore it

For the past few years now I’ve been trying to loose weight but nothing really worked.
I go to the gym daily as well as some boxing plus I swim on the weekends but I always struggled with food.
I would always over restrict then end up binging and giving up.
Well I decided enough was enough and joined this sub a few days ago and now everything makes SO much more sense.
I saw someone say “ am I mouth hungry or stomach hungry” and that was such a eye opener!
All day today I’ve been way more aware of my eating habits as well as drinking more water and I feel FANTASTIC!
Like for dinner I have handmade pizza every Friday and usually I would scoff the whole thing down followed by a big desert. Well today I only had half and I was craving some veggies so I cooked up some tomatoes and I didn’t leave feeling gross and sick but happy and feeling good!
Anyway my starting weight is 116kg, I’m 5’7 and my goal weight is 75-80kg! Taking it one day at a time ╰(°ㅂ°)╯

Was wondering how you make yourself stop snacking, most of the time I won't even realise that I am eating something and all of a sudden a whole pack of M&Ms are gone, I need to stop this as I am trying to lose weight and get that as well as my BP under control. I have tried to cut out snacks completely but that has gone poorly in the past and resulted in binge eating weekends causing weight gain instead. It feels like my mouth has to be constantly occupied by something, so yeah any advice is welcome.

EXIT POLES REVEAL SUBURBAN DEATH WISH
Some days ago I quoted Bonne L. Fisher in her TRACKING DOWN THE KILLER (circa 1929) as follows: (QUOTE)
"100 YEARS OF BIRTH CONTROL" in CURRENT HISTORY for June, 1929, reveals that the women mentioned above were "Pioneer birth control advocates". The record shows them Jews. The above-mentioned article states that when one of these brave pioneers was arrested she was quickly bailed out, and that even the fear of torture did not daunt them.
Every white community in America has been affected by this birth-control propaganda to the reduction of the White Race. That it is not intended primarily for inferiors is shown by the fact that college women were first to receive instruction.
(In WITHOUT PREJUDICE Zangwill shows that this interference with women's instincts is a form of war. He says, "Humanity will then come slowly to an end.
(END QUOTE)
Is there a war against the White Race? I submit the following from CHRISTIAN NEWS of some Years ago: (QUOTE)
Proposal B touched all the issues of class, region, race, poverty, wealth, education, politics, religion, and generation gaps at the same time. The Detroit Metropolitan Area is a region of extremes and contrasts. Detroit, a city of 1,000,000 people, 90% of whom are black, poor, and uneducated, is the largest urban ghetto in the United States. At the same time the city is surrounded by another 3,500,000 people living in some of the largest, most affluent suburban areas in the United States. Auto workers on the lines often are over 100,000 to 120,000 dollars as a result of overtime.
What did the exit polls show?
*More whites than blacks wanted the state to help them die.
*25% of the people in Detroit thought the state should help them die while 36% of the people in the suburbs wanted the state to help them die.
*21% of the people with eight grades or less of education thought the state should help kill them while 41% of the people with advanced college degrees thought the state should kill them.
*20% of the Republicans wanted the state to help them die while 36% of the Dremocrats thought the state should help them die.
*13% of the people who went to church every week wanted help from the state to die while 53% who did not attend church wanted help to die.
*38% of the people I n their 50s wanted the state to kill them while 21% of the people over 70 wanted the state to help kill them.
In other words if you are a white, midsdle-aged Democrat with an advanced degree who makes over 100,000 dollars a year and does not attend church there is a high probability that you want to die more than anyone else. If you are poor, black, uneducated and go to church you want to live more than anyone else.
(To get the following into perspective one must understand this is a black youth being questioned by a white minister at a white church. Imagine if it were a white youth being questioned by a black minister in a black church.)
There was a funeral at our church. Three high school seniors who were not members and one was black were walking down the hall and passed my office. I asked them to stop, come in and look at the article on Proposal B in the Detroit News. I said, "I need a black guy to help me understand this." After the "black guy" looked at the exit polls I asked him, "Why do the whites want to die more than the blacks?"
He answered without hesitation, "You know you guys ain't happy."
I said, "is this what your black friends all think?"
He said, "We all know it. You all are crazy."
His two white buddies stood there with their mouths open. He put his finger to his head and made circular motions.
I said, "So a white Democratic doctor in. Grosse Point wants to die more than most of his patients."
He said, "Ya, but if he were a black doctor he would know how to live it up."
I said, "That's why Kevorkian (of assisted suicide fame) is always dropping off white dead bodies at suburban hospitals but no black dead bodies at Detroit Receiving Hospital."
He said, "It's not about prejudice. You white guys want to die. We know you is all crazy. If we gonna do ourselves in we don't need no one to help us do it."
Just looking at the difference in birth rates between blacks and whites should tell us blacks plan to be around for a while and the "white guys" are on the ways out. (The latest figures I have is that whites have only 1.6 children per woman indicating that Zangwill's "interference with women's instincts" has been successful.)
END QUOTE
WHO IS BINGING?
Source: Harvard School of Health, 1997 College Drinking Study
Numbers reflect percentage within each category who binge drink.
Gender: Male 50%; Female 39%
How old are they: 21-23. 48%; 24-plus.28%
Where they live: Single-sex dorm.38%; Coed dorm 52%; Frats and sororities.84%.
Off-campus housing. 40%
Ethnicity: White.48%; Hispanic.38%; Native American.34%; Asian/Pacific Is. 21%; Black 16% Other 34%
Religion: Very important.21%; Not very important.48

I’ve had a few very interrupted brief naps that lasted like 15-20 mins but besides that been awake the whole time. Rn I’m working on some homework, not tired because of stimulants.
57hr 30mins- usually I’m hungry and would eat by now especially since starting on mirtazapine but I’m not hungry, makes sense bc I’ve taken a T break from my adderall and caffeine and also taken a large amount of Propylhexedrine over the last few days. I only took 20mg xr and 400mg of caffeine and I’m clenching tf out of my jaw and keep getting stuck writing long ass paragraphs or replies to random shit lmao
58hrs- I’m seeing random glitchy visuals on walls similar to a low dose of a deliriant and the edges of stuff have staticky lines on them, also keep seeing things as a face for a second and shit warps in the corners of my vision
60hrs 30 mins - o feel like I’m stoned but I’m sober lol i feel so slow lmao I remember having delusions that I was high and had smoked weed a few of the first times I tried sleep tripping like I’d feel high and be like Damm I’m high I smoked untill I thought about it more and realized I was crazy
65hrs 30 mins-i took two mirtazapine and like 50mg of adderall with a little Propylhexedrine and caffeine and I feel dull and out of it lol but still pretty awake having some mild audio hallucinations like people talking also feeling itchy sensations and tingly sensations on my skin sometimes
67hr 30mins hearing some auditory hallucinations and stuff moves, also have a headache and can’t think worth shit lol
70hrs 20 mins it looks like there’s a grainy filter overlay and there r little black dots and lines appearing all over the wall
74hrs 34mins - went with my mom to get our dog and cat checked out at the vet and the road had swirling patterns, also I can’t tell if it was real or not but I swear I heard my mom saying “he’s been up like two days” and my dad say “I’ll go talk to him” 😳😳😳 pretty sure it was just a figma of my imagination tho
77hrs: hearing faint talking and music occasionally also the music I’m listening to randomly gets slightly off pitch randomly and I keep getting a mild headache
77hrs-doing homework and that shits making me tired af lmao tho not enough to fall asleep especially cause it’s very much still day
81hrs-just ate, I keep hearing faint talking and footsteps but otherwise I’m basically normal. Also took a little mirtazapine it’s making me slightly tired and foggy and mouth a bit dry but nothing that ain’t manageable I’ve also been seeing a lotta black dots glitching and moving around and hearing whispering keep thinking I hear my parents talking about me not sleeping lmao
89hrs-had yo sneak by my mom to get more adderall even tho it’s 3:40 am lol insomnia runs in the family but anyway aboutta take 30mg and 200mg caffeine my mouth is dry af and I’m shaky so I’m drinking some water cause I jus realized I’ve forgotten
93hrs took another 30mg, a bit tired/unmotivated and I’m noticing my coordination is very shit. Keep seeing delirious like lines n shit
96hrs 40mins - I keep hearing birds chirping, random noises, also a funny thing I keep hearing is a heart monitor beeping, like my brains tellin me something I think lmfao. Also seeing cracks on my phone screen move, letters are moving on my phone, seeing dots move on shit, also feeling crawling on my skin
97hrs 30mins-feeling a slight bit of tiredness but that’s been happening on and off for awhile lol, the visual distortion s are becoming way more obvious. Rn as I type this the arms of the chair I’m on have moving static o. It

54F / 5’7 / HW215 / SW210 / CW191 / GW150:
TL:DR - I tried all the things and nothing worked. This medication feels like a freaky miracle.
After what seems like a lifetime of dieting, tracking, weighing food, keto, South Beach, WW, Whole30, etc etc etc I finally broke down in my doctor’s office and asked for Mounjaro. Nothing worked. I workout 5-6 days a week - 2 HIIT sessions and 3 lifting sessions. I weighed and tracked every gram of food that went in my mouth, restricting more and more only to maybe lose 1lb. Then would relax for one day only to gain 3lbs overnight. Which inevitably led to a binge from the sheer frustration. It was maddening.
My A1C was climbing and my doctor agreed that there is some definite insulin resistance at play.
8 weeks later and I’m down 19lbs and 14 inches. 4 weeks at 2.5, and 4 at 5mg. Staying at 5mg for now. I don’t see a huge difference, but I FEEL so much better and am excited to see where this journey takes me. For the first time in forever I believe I can actually reach my goal weight.
Amazed at how the food noise has subsided. I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. Prioritize protein. My birthday was last week and had one bite of dessert and I was done. I was satisfied and didn’t want anymore. That has NEVER happened. I’m so very grateful. ☺️
Is this what normal people feel like???